All Fantasy Everything - Coaches (w/ Jamel Johnson)

Episode Date: August 21, 2025

[blows whistle]Guest:Jamel Johnson (@broccolihouse)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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subscription purchases. Welcome to it on the brand new episode of all fantasy everything. The podcast of fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting coaches. is fictional and real, non-fictional, a.k.a. Our guest today is our friend, comedian, writer, all fantasy, everything, Hall of Favor. Clips lover. Movie guy.

Jamel. You're a movie guy now. Haberdasherist. If you, if you were to engage in habadashery, I would patron. Absolutely. All right. Listen, I'm going to go downtown and look into some hats right now. There's an active haberdasher, and this will come as no surprise. We have an active haberdash in a situation.

Everybody take cover. There's an active haberdasher. In Portland, Oregon. They're like there's a Haberdasher in my back yard. I think somebody's running a... He's got a turban. Somebody's running a back alley haberdasher. John Helmer Haberdasher.

You can go in there and they'll haberdasch you. Okay. Yeah. Is it a... Is it a verb? I'm reaching that age where I need me a hat with a real brim. I was just telling my girl that. I was like, we're cool now?

Right? I love you so much blah blah blah I'm about six years away Six years Six years Give her a wide berth on that one From a firm runway I need her to know that

When I come out with a leather sandal Yeah And a felt hat It's not a surprise Yeah That's what's happening Stacey Adams were the beginning Of my Ving Rames kit

Like I'm That's why I got him for the wedding And I showed you I showed Laura the clip I know I go you know I want Stacey Adams for the wedding Right And I showed her that clip

of Ving Rames being like, Stacey Adams. And I was like, I knew right then when I got married. Do you have some softball short set? Do you have some stuff to go with that? I'm climbing the ladder. A squat clip. Squat. Squat.

Oh, man. The last step of the Ving Rames kit is when it's going to get interesting. That's when you bick it. Tyrese and a headlock? When you shave your head and grow a go pee. I'm excited for that. There's a big fun kit that I get. It's when you and Mandel started an acapella group.

I can see it, man. If he would have me, I would do anything for that, man. He's perfect. Also, a shout to Mandel, watch his tonight show set. Whenever you're seeing this, go ahead and it'll be on YouTube. Just watch all of the Tonight Show clips. Straight up. Yeah.

Tonight Show is such a good show. Our friends work there. People love it. It's an amazing show. People are big fans. Yeah, the writers. Second Tonight. One of them.

Big time writers. Can you haberdash or? Is that a verb? Do I use it right? Haberdash. To have a dasher. one who Habbardash. You can haberdash someone?

You can haberdash. I used to haberdash. Yeah. What's this? Did you give me? You were just throwing the words at me. Before a door, just making sure you caught what I was. Throw it to you.

I used to start an app called Haberdash where we will deliver a $600 Panama hat to your house. These are good ideas. Ivan Carmel. That's your dad? A man of hats. That's my father. He's become quite the man of hats. And his latest, he got a, well, not.

Honestly, he goes in waves where he gets really into stuff. Sure. And he's in hats right now. You know what I think that is? I think it's a not tall guy thing. Oh. Having phases? Yeah.

I got through phases and I'm tall as hell. Sometimes I act like I'm short. Is it like 6-2? If you're 6-2, you don't need like. You don't need phases. Get the same fucking V-neck sweater. We don't give a fuck. You're all the way up there.

We don't care. Little guys like to taste all of them. life. He, like, he had a rare coin phase. He's got, like, a sports card phase. All right. A vintage guns phase. He's got... How many tall guys you know been in your dad? Huge. How

many phases did he have outside of racism and alcoholism? Those aren't phases. Those aren't phases. Those never went away. He had a remote control car phase. He had a leather phase. Okay. He had... I'm worried that now because I'm like your dad. Oh.

Control boats and leather I like that we're finding this out We're going to have to stretch you out a little bit I've had both of these I've had both of those phases and off mic I say the N-word a lot Boy he wanted Mike's been around

The way did he say it Sorry dad but you're dead I'm trying to think of the situations Because I'm not I'm guessing it wasn't a lot of us around He's just like he's watching hang up with Mr. Cooper And he's like hey Oh that was really nice of you to think

Right. I'm really trying to put Sean's dad in like a kind light despite this. Good for you. I like that hanging with Mr. Cooper was what brought it out of them. He's like, these niggas are hilarious. Yeah. He's like, he couldn't believe it.

Sean, I know we only get one weekend a month, but we're going to have to hang with Cooper the whole time. These gentlemen are hilarious. We got a two days and we're going to spend both of them hanging with Mr. Cooper. Hanging with Mr. Custody. He has custody of me. Yeah.

What were you going to say? Well, my thing is a couple clicks back, so you can keep going. Mark Curry. So we were, I opened for him one night. Or did you? You. Did we both? No.

Okay. I opened for him. Wait, did I? We might have both been on the show. But he watched. So he's in the back. Bro. He's in the back.

Bigplex. That was probably featured. Bigplex. Even though this podcast is your idea, we make the same amount of money. So I'm cool. That could change. like that. Let go on my arm.

Let go on my arm. Let go on my fucking arm, dude. Hey, y'all, y'all enjoy your project because we go. I'm going to make the same amount of money. Get more of his arm. So Mark Curry's in the back of the room. Yeah.

And he, like every joke, he'd laugh a couple seconds after and it'd be like, ah. Oh, yes, yes. And then, so the next day he gets to the show, like he's walking up, he's a block away. And he goes, he's like, hey, Sean, seeing you on YouTube, man.

from a block away straight up and there's people outside that are really excited to see Mark Curry and he just yelled it and they're all like shit I'm like he's just a nice dude that's also beautiful

that like he saw your set he went to the hotel he's like I got a YouTube this guy I don't even think I had clips on YouTube I think he's just that cool to where he was just being fun and personable I'm interested to start a YouTube page if his shirt preference tells you anything

he's a cool guy It was just in the back. Everyone would laugh and then everyone would laugh real hard for a long time, like really laugh. Did he play basketball? Is he related to Stefan Dell? I think he's just tall.

Yeah, because he's tall. He plays in Oakland, right? Yeah, yeah. I think he is a hooping-ass. You know there's like hoop-and-ass dudes? Yeah. Like Ball's Life guys before. I'm entering this.

I'm entering this favor. You were going nuts. Yeah, you were going to talk about it, by the way. You're one-on-one. I'm playing guys one-on-one. If you'd like to play me one-on-one if you live in Los Angeles, at Broccoli House on Instagram Send me a DM

I play you at any time, any place Can I ask you a question? Did somebody try to play you with the Dave and Busters? Or recommend? Somebody asked, yeah, somebody was like Let's play on the Dave and Buster hoops Put a beer on the line.

Like, come on, dude, this is, I'm being serious. Yeah. That's messing around. That's childish. Yeah, man. I mean, if you want to run a pop-a-shot, we could do it right after this. Yeah, that's different.

Yeah, but that's a different proposition. Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Let's run a pop-shot after you. You can't run a pop-shot after you. You can't, like, do footwork on a day of basketball. It's not basketball.

You can't, Ian can't do footwork anyway. I'm a footwork guy. I'm a footwork guy. Hey, Jamal, can I tell you something? I come from the land of Maurice Lucas, Bill Walton, all right? Can I tell Jamal something real quick? La Marcus Aldridge. LaBasket Baldridge, bro.

LaMarcus Albridge? Can I tell, can I tell Jamel something real quick? Ian can't do footwork. Oh, man. He's whack, dude. This guy, he would totally get love in Chicago. He's got great footwork. He's in the background of that.

You know that if Derek Rose's video? You never typed in Derek Rose footwork. Of course I have. Who do you think was there, dude? Emil Carmel's in the background. Get on the block. That's my number two footwork. Yeah, exactly.

It's going to be like the time you push me over. Okay, show him something. Coach time. My number one footwork search? My number one footwork search? What are we doing? Chicago. All right, all right.

All right. Pass me, David. Hey, hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, because that's a bad entry. That's a bad pat because he can just steal that. Oh, yeah. Okay, okay.

All right. Come down. come down and we're in the post right one of us is a ref okay he ain't got it he's getting critical push up carbs oh that was nasty on the pump it kind of sucks that that happened

to you on camera that wasn't the same thing it had the same impact though no that was good dude yeah because the pump fake froze and Sean didn't even know he was froze and then the shot went up he was like oh shit later.

Isaac, was that worth it, do you think? No. Well, that's because Isaac cares for you as a friend. Yeah, I appreciate. You guys eat grapes a lot? Yeah. For sure, actually, you. Yeah.

I do, yeah. Freezer, cotton candy. Nice healthy snack. My girl got a, what was it called? Not a grapple. Is that a grapple of grapes? Hey, David, I went to Costco. I got a grapple.

This is a terrible. It was like a grapour. It was like a... No. Yeah. I'm with... This is the day that was in the pool earlier.

There he goes. A grapricot! Hold on. It's a big ass grape with a pit in the middle of it. It's like a little bit. It's a grapricot. Oh, man. Hold on.

Hold on. A plum? That stuff. Yeah. No, no. Oh, boy. Don't do that to me. A regular ass.

Don't do that to me. Hey. A crapricon's a plum. You guys think you're so funny. You guys think you're so funny. To this point, I only see a week. Just grab the plum. On the internet.

You're calling her? Oh, my lord. Hello. Hey, just full disclosure, you are on the podcast right now. What? What was the fruit that you had the other day that was two fruits combined? The plum, Poo-A-Wat, I think. Oh, okay, we know Plu-Wats.

Yeah. It was, say it again. It's a plum and the apricot. I think it's a plu-a. Flew up. Oh, okay. David thought it was a grapericot. He tried to tell us

this big ass grape. He said grape racquet. Everyone's up to it. Everybody's mad because I said grapercrot. We're not mad. We're just telling you. We're just telling her what you're saying. Like, that's so crazy.

That is crazy. Well, yeah, it was crazy. We all thought it was crazy. I love you. I'll call you later. Okay, I love me too. That was a... Is the phone call over?

Yes. Okay, so a plumbering and apricot are in like the same. They're stone fruits, right? That's stone fruits. That's why it makes sense to me. Well, you would propose. That's who you want to have sex with.

You want to fuck your sister? No, I'm just saying. You mean in terms, if I have to pick my sister or my cousin, I guess technically I would. It's more like I'm going to fuck a mountain goat or a person. They're different. Okay. A grape.

Yeah, well, let's run up in a stone fruiter, for sure, the mountain goat and a That's what I'm talking about. That's, I don't think it's that different. We were saying, I think it's a tall guy and a short guy. No, no, no, no, no, mountain goat person. Because they got different. That's, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is, that is an Italian in an Armenian. Betweld, yes, exactly, dude, exactly.

Is this the road was going, that's crazy. Okay. What? Is that the road? Are we here? Is it where you want to go with this? Sean Cougarmel and Jordan on Instagram. There it is.

Yeah. We still intro and me. Oh, yeah. actually said we haven't even introed you yet technically we did I had this smallest apple they have these at the store now

tiny little apples I look like it's mixed with an africot an apple cat smaller than an apple cot an apple cot would be all right that sounds like a gun like a bite-sized apple but you guys said it like the shit she had wasn't nuts

well that's a plummet and apricone they both knew exactly what she was talking I've never heard that word in my life I have lots of my friend right now yeah yeah I never Yeah, we all, yeah. Sean, you know, we know you don't be eating fruits. You don't get all the vitamins and minerals, man.

You're not like. You are lacking some macros. And I love you. It ain't like you malnourished. Everybody knows you're lacking macros. I know you're not eating like different fruits, bro. I know your fruit game is very basic. What the fuck is a macro?

I don't know if I want you talking to me like that. Yeah. Because, listen, the way he says, said it. It did seem a little distrust. He did. He might as well puffed up when he said. I told you I'm working on tone. I told you that in confidence. He said it. He said it moments ago. I told you that in confidence. I didn't air you out.

I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. I actually heard the conversation. Sean was talking to his family. Yeah. When you was doing macro shit. Well, that's like bigger. No, you were doing baitish. Damn. I was doing. Yeah, you're going nuts. Oh. It's a biddy does. I let him get away with it. no and he has not once knocked my head off and I always wear one but also I am I am working on tone yeah I mean Ian's bummed out a lot so I'm happy I let him do that couldn't be happier beautiful son it unbombs him

Damien alert is back on the trailblazers beautiful son you know what your son's got huh great head shape great head of hair on that one of them were talking about that when you post the picture the other day we're like oh boy got a good you got your son's got a good head shape, Langston got a fat little son. You guys got good little son. Yeah, yeah. Oh, a fat little son's one. Oh, man. Langer got a bad little baby. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe our friend. Our son should become friends. Max wasn't

fat. No, she's long. That's what's up, man. She is. She's long. Hell of long. Yeah, she's tall as well. It's been to be in the NBA. You know what's funny? I was thinking about this, too. Max's my favorite kid to talk to on the phone. She loves talking to you. I don't talk to a lot of kids. You too and Anna. Mine's Northwest.

I used to talk to Haley Joel Osmond a lot back in the day When he was a kid Oh, I thought maybe when they were on Soulplane 2 or something Is there a Soulplane 2? Who knows what's in themselves? Yeah Who knows what? Who knows what?

Yeah, who knows what's what? The MGM catacombs. No, that's the Tyler Perry studio, collected dust. Fair enough. He says, I'll release the tapes, Kevin. I'll release the tapes, Kevin. Bro, if the Soul Play 2 tapes came out, I was saying, B.T. That's my Epstein list.

We're not, hold on. Do you have any dates? No, it's a bit. I'll host the podcast. It's a bit, I like to do it. I'll host the podcast, new shoes. Because he did, he scored on you earlier, making him the coach of the podcast. These are all right, these blues?

I do fuck with those. Not bad, right? Oh, you cut them already. Cut them. The boosinnets? Boosinets. Boosnets. Yeah, I've been calling these the blushnets.

The blue schnickens? Are you in Fugnickens? Are you calling them that? Are they calling them that? I'm calling them that. I'm the one that starts things. The boozy nits? The little boozy nits?

The little boozy nits? They always go crazy. Do you have any dates? When does this come out? August 21st. High Plains Comedy Festival. Come see us there. It'll be very good time.

I think two live AFEs and a stand-up show and also atmosphere is playing at Red Rocks. So I think I get to go. Ooh. Okay. Come on. Bring your backpacks out. Your boy, Sean? Yeah, he's my friend, Sean, too.

We should do more than, we're doing two eight, too long, yeah, I don't know what we're doing about. We'll be there. David Borders here, Cool Guy Jokes, 87 on Instagram. I feel like my hair is crazy. No, I like you. Is it good? Okay. Yeah, I'll be in high planes making.

Coach right. Ooh, this thing's icy. I'll be at high planes making a ton of money. I live in. Are you plugging where you live? What in the world? You're a psychopath. It was a straight doxing

Hey, you can go see me at my house I was going to In Pico Robertson I was going to say, no, that's crazy I wasn't going to say neighborhoods We said in last episode Oh we did? Oh yeah, listen, okay

I live in Los Angeles now So come see me do stand up here There's a great bar in your neighborhood Founders Oh, there's a great bar in my neighborhood Founders But I am Sending avails to the clubs

Trying to get on So come see me soon. I'm going to go to the store. I'm going to see me at the fourth wall. Yeah, see me at the fourth wall. I'm fucking around. I'm going to pull up to Jamel's shit. Oh, I got a message you back about that show. Listen, yes, you know, that's, we'll get

to that once we get to my... You know, I live here too now. Yeah, come on, listen, we'll all, you know. David and I'll do it together. We'll do it together. You can capture this feeling. Buddy, you can... Live on stage. I would love to see you guys get this kind of act and flip each other's hats off. Yeah. My wife's

Puerto Rican. Now I do a David joke That's an Ian joke Do a David joke My wife's not Puerto Rican No I was like wait I don't even have a wife I thought you were doing my voice

I thought that was a me impression Oh no no Am I the only one who ran it that way? That would be crazy That would be crazy My wife's Puerto Rican Oh yeah Maybe I'll do that

My wife writes books There it is yeah I don't think that was a good My wife's Laura Rican I don't do a good I don't do a good impression of any of my friends and that's why I don't do it.

I can do Shaggy. I found out last episode. Scooby-Doo Shaggy. Okay, I was thinking singer. Yeah, no. I was thinking it wasn't me. I can do that one, but... No, Sean thinks he can do Shaggy.

I can do that one, but it's not well-received. He's going to do it and we've retired it. No, I don't do it. It's all right, man. You do Rizze, though, right? I don't do Rizzo anymore either. I got the notes on Rizzo a while back. I don't do that one either.

Sean's list of black entertainers that he does impressions of is rapidly dwindling. There's a big list that you guys don't know about. Sean's got a wicked Ritchie Havens on him that he only whips out at parties. You should hear his Benvereen. He's not going to say Tyrese, obviously, by having it to Tyrese. Because you can do the whole baby boy. My Shayla! Sean's Barry Shabaka Henry.

Is that what's that their name? Wait, what's the... Well, speaking of black entertainment. Also, weirdly, an incredible Jaiman Hansu, though. Lay, lay. Have I told you, you still mean the world to me? Barry Shabaka Henley.

Good poll, Carmel. Have I told you I love me? But he kind of sounds like Anita Baker doing Tyrese. Lay, lay. Yeah. Did you think Tyrese is next to you? I did. I always do.

I carry a little picture of him. I have a picture of the Pope and Tyrese on me at all times. That's just how I like to carry. and myself in the world. It's crazy to think we're maybe not 20 miles away from Tyrese.

That shit used to trip me out when I was living here I would think that all that you watch a movie and you're like the Chino is 15 miles away. He's right over there. It's Buck.

He's in Calabasas probably. Where do we think Tyrese lives? At the gym, bro. You seen him? Well, at the other of the Iron Temple. He's in the Bali, man.

Do you think he's in L.A.? Everybody's in Sherman Oaks. Everybody's in Sherman Oaks. Yeah, he's up top, man. They really are. Calabasas and They just got the best mall. It's like, it's the only mall you could like return stuff to like Reformation.

You know what? Absolutely. Is that where we got? Do you return stuff a lot? Honestly, no, but I've been getting into it. Returns is fun. Yeah. My girl's trying to get me into it because I just buy shit.

Oh, yeah. My girl, it's first of all with the Amazon. She's always returning shit to Amazon. Because you can do it at Whole Foods. Yeah. But she's just, I feel like through her, I'm learning that I'm not stuck. The Power of Commerce. You got postmates last night, and it sat out there for nine hours, and then I got it today.

That's not the same thing. Did you return? Was it returned? No. Or were you being, or were you being... Oh, no, Isaac saved me. He's just shaming me because we got drunk together. Isaac cut all this.

Isaac double it. No, I'm kidding. Isaac, put a scintillating kumbia beat. Play this louder. Play this louder than... Are you familiar with the song? The Selena song is like... Clevehahia.

Biddy-Biddy-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-D-B-D-B-D-B-D-B-D. This breaks you guys into, like, South America. You put a coupie-a-Bet-A-Bet-Gat-Ga-Ton. It would be dope if we were huge in South America. I love it. Bada-A-Wa-Wa-W-A-W-A. Yeah. Life-Findsway.

Jamel Johnson's here. Like, uh... Hey, guys. Broccoli, uh, broccoli house. On Instagram. On Instagram. No longer on Twitter, your boy left. I love to.

Couldn't deal with the Andrew Rees stuff. The who? Oh, the angel rest of it. I thought you said Andrew Reed for a second. Share it to memes and nightmares. Oh, yeah. Memes and nightmare on Hulu. Your boy is on Hulu.

Please get at me, all right? There's a feature-length film starring me. You ever think about how it's about hoops, so it's kind of a Hulu Hoops situation? I didn't, not until today. Yeah. Is it too late to get that sort of heavily involved in the picture? I will. I'll see

I'll see what they say I'll text them I'll text them that right now Do you like that I said picture? Everybody eats Well speaking of black entertainment guys Have you heard Sean's

Have you heard Sean's Kvanzanae Wallace Tell him he could do it at Blind Barber First Tuesdays All right Barber in Highland Park Can I do that one? Yeah man

Be September You were around in September right so that's like i live here now yeah yeah first Tuesday so that's probably September 7th please pick a date I'll do that one okay bring them in all right first Tuesday and September the whole fantasy boy can I come down and do September 7th yes you can and then we record some more episodes

I'm not gonna fly you out but if you're here already please yeah I'm here please pull up oh I was talking to Sean I'm just saying yeah yeah yeah and then Fred Armeson don't worry these guys don't fly me out either so yeah it'll be all right is Fred Armisenblatt yeah damn I got him we don't fly you up for the podcast you might fly me out either bitch he's like well you live here now he got a little

Not right now. There's got a little elder barge to him. We started this podcast when everybody lived in L.A. Yeah. So the only flying out that happened was when my friends abandoned me and let me here in Los Angeles to go live beautiful, meaningful lives. And it was my idea to bring us back. And you said yes. Motherfucker.

You, you know. Motherfucker. I remember the day. You remember the day. Exactly. I call both of you on the phone. I was thrilled. And I said we should do this in person.

Continue this discussion and I'm just put my plug at the bottom. Keep going. Keep going, guys. David's fine and I'm fine, but you... You're mad about not getting flown out? East Hollywood. You're coming up a co-s. If you want to get flown out, two things have to happen, all right?

One, you better get a BBL and two, I better get signed by the Atlanta Hots. Isaac's not dating. You're an important venue in the L.A. Comedy History. You don't like all the races I could tell. Fourth Saturdays of the month. They actually hit a pretty good offseason, so I'm not sure. It's going to be a free show. Where I fit in on the Atlanta Hawks right now.

I'm hosted by my dear friend, Eric Bernard, who's also blessed. Sean with the BBL is maybe the funniest image. That penetrated through to Bill's slug. He had to pause. He was like, why are we giving Sean a fake butt? No one's giving it to me. I'm going to get it. You're going out to get one so he can get flown out.

You get it. You get it. No, you get it. You remember when they used to say that you might, you might get, you might get, like, fucked up and, like, fuck around and, like, somebody will take your kidney? Yeah. What if we started, like, Ruthie and dude. Don't you take my BBL? Nah, put a BBL on them.

You might fuck around and get a BBL at him. I, yeah. I, I, I, this is going to sound crazy. He's party too hard and he beat that and woke up with a BBL. This is going to sound crazy. I've been thinking dudes anymore ass. He's already on this. This is a.

Why are we only looking at it? David, David's been talking about this for a while. You're coming. from this is like me saying where I'm like hey guys need to drink more you know we need like more Jews with moustaches

as the ass guy yeah I see where he's coming from I've been thinking that lately as the butt guy of the group we should all have ass we could be different man what if we was all different man what if we was all different man

What if we were all beautiful snowflakes, man? Damn. Oh my gosh. Everyone was all to have the same ass? Oh, that really got me. I don't want to have the same asses, y'all. No, I don't want to be. It's like if we showed up with the same fit.

Yeah, it's the same thing. Bro, you got the same pinstrike vest as me on at the bar? Go home and do something different with your. butt. Oh, my God! Where's some different draws next time you see me, bro? You got the same asses of me? Hey, what's your butt doing today? Yeah, like, talk to me.

I'll throw some spanks on. I got some, listen. I got my crush coming. I can't fuck this up, man. You didn't do the Stairmaster today, did you? That got me in a real way. That got me in a real way. You guys got me. Come to the blind barber.

Watch memes and nightmares. Yes. If they see you on the street. One-on-one. One-on-one. or they might be able to get a jersey off you. Yes. Oh, listen. It's Fat Riley on eBay. Search Fat Riley on eBay. P-H-A-T. Speaking of coaches.

A eBay store named after the great Pat Riley. One day, man, I don't want to do it in the summer. It's too hot, man. Passing it is hot as a fucking no. Yeah, and then you're in that concrete bowl too. Yeah, then I'm like melting in the, now I'm like, now I'm not, I'm giving out fucked up deals because I'm dealing with heat exhaustion. Yeah. You're trying to get it. out of there. I'm trying to get out there. So I'm just

like, take it, dog, $20. I'm dying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where I get my best deals is when other people are hot. Yeah, see? You've been praying on motherfuckers about to die. You're praying on these people. You're in there drinking an $2.00. $2.00. Yeah. No way you want to carry that fucking cabin is holding a glass ice water, like two bucks and glass ice water maybe? Do you know how many

pairs of flea market house shoes I've bought? I've got to go at eight. Eight cents. That's actually realistic. I was going to say it's a pretty solid. It's like almost every time I go to the blue pair. You're replacing the black pair. Then you're replacing the black pair. Then you realize the blue it ain't really.

It's actually not as functional as you think. And I'm always like, yeah, I'm going to wear these all the time in the house. Knowing full well, I go barefoot in the house like a savage. You want to feel that ground on them toes. I'm nasty. Let the cat lick on it. Ugh. Oh, okay.

That would I think of one. No, I'm sorry. I mean to make that noise. like that. That's the bald cat like on it. My fault. Now we're not friends anymore. Nah, my bad.

Because that was me. I did that. I know your cat doesn't have any hair. Are house shoes slippers? Is that that all that is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bich killers for me, slippers with the cover on the front. Like your toes are in case.

Well, the back has to be pressed down. Yeah. Exposed heel. Exposed heel. Not built? So David, so David steps on. Steps on the back. Oh, you brushes it down.

Crush them down. Yeah, yeah. That's the, come on, Craig and Friday. Mm-hmm. Okay. But of course. Yeah. I think that's a black Jew across the aisle thing. We slip.

I feel like... I feel like blacks and Jews both like to wear shoes in the house. Yeah. Yeah. Sean opts out. What do you think blacks and Jews have in common? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What else do you think the blacks and Jews like? What are five things? Perhaps we're going to... Can't say basketball. This is so fun and I love hanging out with my friends. The draft is the draft unchanged, folks. Pizza's good.

We're just a genius, low keys. Yeah, no, he's amazing. He said, pizza's good. Yeah, get me up out of here. Is he corrupting democracy? Oh. Do you say weather machines? Oh, holy cow.

Hold on. Is it defrauding the welfare thing? A nice walk can calm you down. My name is Ian Carmel At Ian Carmel across the board I have a book called T-shirt Swim Club Which you can pick up now If you like listening to All Fantasy Everything

You can also listen to my book T-shirt and Swim Club There's an audio book Check it out I'd be stoked if you did What else? I have a special T-shirt Beyond No, nope

Comfort behind God's foresight You got it right? T-shirt Beyond God's Foresight T-Shirt Beyond God's Club I'm fucking with that T-shirt Beyond Comfort That's a story about Like, you'll forget that like a real, like built weird t-shirt?

Yeah, I'm a fat guy. Yeah. That's what it is probably, right? Where it's just like they didn't size everything up the right way? No, no, no, no. I've had some weird t-shirts, too. It doesn't, it doesn't, it's across all sizes. You forget that aren't like you ate fat, too.

Can we just have stuff? Yeah. Can we just have things? Hey, I used to be chubby too. No, no, no, no, no, I can get diabetes? Isaac comes in just, absolutely. Dicks still way. Oh, can I get out of here.

Can I also say that my special is coming out were record label mates now? Yeah, we're my specials coming out in September on 800 pounds. They didn't, they wanted nothing to do with mine, but I got to don't tell that I'm filming September 6th. You didn't have to do the first part. No, I didn't. I cut that out. That was serious. I told them.

That was mean and rude. I told them. I was like, you can only have two of us. Yeah. So I was like, you know, we're all doing stuff, whatever. It's cool. We can't all be on the same record label. You saw what having to feed you with Mac.

I think these chokes are good Well, there's an album. No specials. Oh. My shirt is specifically not special. Man, you had that joint about breaking beds. Yes, yeah. Come on, buddy. As a fat dude having sex? Oh, broken beds. That's on my second project, out the city.

But nobody ever talks about it. It's a really good special. Thank you. Album. I broke a fucking bed last week, man. And I wasn't even boning. Wait. Well, good, because you're not married.

So if you were boning, you'd burn in hell. That'd be fucked up. Right, exactly. That's the number one Christian comedian. In the Southland. Yeah. I would never. Yeah. Were you praying too hard on your bed?

Yeah, exactly. I feel like Christian comedians get... The devil was trying to pull you down. Why you sound so interested? Why you sound so interested in that? Damn! I'm not interested. You looked super interested.

You looked at me like, we should go to church this weekend and see what's up. That's what that face said to me. We should go to Justin Bieber's church, the cool church. We can talk about it later, but as somebody who used to be part of the megachurch circuit, I can confirm or deny a few of those things. See? Confirmed deny. You just confirmed it.

He's wearing samba's in a French t-shirt. No, this guy's out of here. No, the samba is, he's out of here, dog. He's fucking, what about the sambas? Come on, dog. You're wearing samba's in a prince t-shirt. That's what, he's running. You're basically a condom.

He's basically a walking condom. Boy, you're running back-to-backs. You're getting shrimp tacos back-to-back-to-back. He's going to mag pies. This guy's out of here. Come on, man. He's out of here. Your knuckles smell crazy.

Your knuckles smell crazy. Isaac, you look really good right now. The samba's, are samba's cooked? No, they're bad. No, I know they've been back. I've worn out a pair. Yeah. They're still on top.

They're hot. I like them a lot. You know your boy brought him in four or five years ago. Shane? You took by Shantoras? No, he's on the superstars. He's on the shell to. I was wearing samba's in high socks

when this shit started. Yes, you were. Yes, you were. Come on, baby. You're always ahead of the curve. You quit Twitter before it was taken over by Nazi. I'm a cool guy. I get it.

That's how cool guys do it. Yeah, I be trying to tell people. I be trying to tell my girl, bro. They did before the Nazis pull up. We're in the house eating ice cream. And I'm like, bitch, you know I'm the coolest guy you know. And she's like, oh, grapperc got some of the fruit. Pruas.

Well, it's not. I forgot about that. It's not a fruit. It's not a fruit. It's just saying facts. Grappercoc is ridiculous, man. A apricot with a grappling hook in it. Why would anybody eat that?

The grappling hook would be so visible. Bigger, way bigger than the apricot. Yeah, dog. The fucking... The apricot would be... Batman, get into some shit at the farmer's market. Now it's a grapricot. How can that be profitable?

These don't seem fresh. It can't support my body weight Yes, I'd like a bag for 15 cents A stand with apricots in it Has never been on the 14th floor of any building Why would a grappling look even be near them, bitches? Middle of the night Flod from conception

The penguins selling all your fruits What if there was a grape as big as a pumpkin Would you try to eat it? A grumpkin? Oh my God I think that's a sexual move Right? Yeah, I would slice it

You know what I would do? with a grumpkin? Come all over it. Ew. Come on, man. I was trying to avoid that. We were like having such a wholesome talk. Oh, sorry.

We're having a cool time. Grumpkin was going to be like a fun thing. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to bum you guys out. You're all going to callbacks to the grumpkin. What I was going to say about a grumpkin, though, I would. Any arch comments? Go ahead.

Do your thing. You guys do your thing. What I was going to say about a grumpkin... Cool. No, don't do that to me. I bet it's funny. Go ahead. It is cool.

You gotta let him... It is cool. You gotta let him do me an asshole. I'm not. Let's hear it. Don't me an asshole. Let's hear it. Uh-huh.

No, go ahead. David comedian Bori. Come on. Grumkin what? No. Low-key, he did fuck me up. I ain't got it. I ain't got it.

It's gone. It's gone. It's gone. That was rich, dude. You should make as much money as you make. You're right. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa.

This is, this difference. Split evenly three ways. Yeah. What you're doing number one. I was talking about the other jobs. What you're doing is different right now. Shit, I got to go. I got to leave.

Oh, man. I got to catch a red eye. I just got going to. in the morning, Laura, I was freaking out. I had to get home early. I was killing it. I was killing it with this bit where I was telling David he's not funny. And then it went south.

I was annihilated. I threw my wedding ring to Mount Doom and I didn't know what I. I have known that it's come see us at High Plains Comedy Festival. It's going to be a wonderful time. And let's tour. Hey, do you guys? Let's tour. Do you guys wear your wedding rings every day?

Every day? Yeah. Damn, I feel steep. It feels weird. No, no, it feels good, man. That's, like, power in the band. Because you're not a jewelry guy, right? It's pretty clean.

So, like, the ring, I think, is you're going to like it. It feels nice. Well, I'm not going to, don't. Who knows, Jane? Oh, yeah. Well, hey, listen, guys, you know what? I got, speaking to tour. Gerald Johnson, out the city.

Well, that's out now. And September 12th, going back to New Orleans. Hey, the sports team. The sorry, me, love football guys. We're doing a little football show down there. If you like American football. Hell yeah. Some see your guy in Sports Drink.

Yes, I'll be selling some jerseys. Hell yeah. And some of them will be really good. They'll come out for you, too. Oh, also, if we're talking about New Orleans, December 12th and 13th, I'm shooting a new special. My goodness. Sports Drink in New Orleans. Because for some reason I wanted to do it.

You like that wind up? That's some classic baseball I gave them. I wanted to do it at a smaller venue than the last one. I'm just, the next special after that is going to be me and my mom. Hard. In her car. HBO going to buy that motherfucker, too. Me telling me my problems about my mom in her car.

You guys are going to New Orleans? You're describing the Gerard Car Michael show. Yeah, it's just going to be me and her in the rap for it. You didn't pay enough attention. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's me watching the Gerard Car Michael's right. Hey, the new special actually, you kind of ate. Did he?

Yeah. Like, I got to watch it. Okay, hey. Yeah. Yeah, it was good. Respect, we'll be good. A man capable of tremendous. tremendous comedy.

Yeah. And, you know. So there's a segue, you're in, you're in New Orleans. He's a gay guy. Oh, man. Sorry.

Damn, I was trying to avoid that. You guys are going to be in New Orleans. Yeah. You should check out as jazz music. Where that's at? Should I check it out, too, if I ever go? I think you'd really love it. How the town is that in?

So all over. hotel all over you can find the tracks just cross them all right all both sides of the tracks jazz music uh there's a louis armstrong park or you could go to the uh the preservation hall is one place they got a museum yeah a couple jazz museums laying around they do have a big jazz museum have a haunting a boat that plays haunting music keep talking i got to get my list together didn't oh no i was conflating two different things what do they have a boat that plays haunting music yeah Like it goes down in Mississippi, you can, like, hear it? Yeah, yeah.

Were we talking about that when we were in New Orleans? Well, we probably all heard it. Because if you're near that area, whatever the fuck that shit is called, off the side of, like, uh, uh, bourbon street. Yeah. You just hear the haunting boat music. You don't hear it called haunting music a lot.

It's haunting. It's haunting. No, it's like fucked up. It's the Natchez or whatever. My girl is just a haunting white woman music. Well, this is... Like Ethel Kane. Oh, yeah.

And you come in the house, sometimes shit feels like a seance. Yo, man, why do women like to be haunted so much? To do. Or watch things about being murdered. I think it's like, yeah, I think it, oh, that crosses race, bro. I think it's one of those things about, it's just more difficult for them, so they, like, feel closer to those. Yeah, get into conjuring. I think so, too.

I think it's a little bit of, like. Glad I see you only make you want to conjure some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Might as well turn into a crystal ball. Fuck it. Because I think about how I feel about.

I think about. I think about how. I feel about white people and then you extrapolate that with men and then you're like yeah man yeah go on listen to that witch music it's tough out here white people times men

meanwhile this white man over here is listening to fun time jazz styling and a band called Littlefield shout out to all them AFE guys who bought jerseys for me too when he was down there I think y'all man listen showing up in the biggest jerseys the next night of the show you paid a couple phone bills where they're like I got it for Jemelle

Sure. It's like, yeah, I can see it. Also, shout to the dudes you've been coming to see me on the road in those jerseys as well. Oh. They come out and they're like, I got this jersey because of you. That Mitchell and Ness here. My dog. That Mitchell and Ness really touched a nerve. We actually have to do the Mitchell and Ness draft.

We have to call Mitchell and Ness. We need to get Mitchell. We need to get Millian. It's not Ness, yeah. Because one of them's a Jew and one of them's black. Is that true? Is that nuts? No.

It sounds like it. Well, Mitchon's advice said it. sure. Ness is black. Ness is black. Enes. And Mitchell, you get tossed off a cliff. Hang glad with him. Oh, you're talking about Ness? Ness' lines. Nass chopper.

Making the bend. Run up in the cemetery. And Mitch is outside with him. Third quarter. Well, Mitchell on its own is enough. Is it? Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. All right. I'm going to get a jersey for highplane, so no big deal.

Are you? Yeah. I got too many. I think I'm probably going to. You're going to get options. You have options loaded. You're going to get a turquoise or are you going to get a white? Turquoise or are purple. Yeah. I'm not, I don't get white jersey.

It is risky. No. I got a white jersey. I got a white jersey off of you. Yeah. I got a risky. I know you. I brought a white T-Mack jersey.

The T-Mack. T-Mack Toronto off the stitched. I know you very well. That's a risky move. With the sparking sauce. Have I ever told you that my dad got me into the Schmada jersey business for like a brief period of time in college? I know this. I haven't.

I haven't. I didn't tell the podcast. But I didn't tell Jamo. I actually need to know this. Well, now the listeners are going to hear it again. Fresh one year, no, not freshman year, like, sophomore year of college, I'm at Portland State University. And my dad has this friend who's like a man of various schemes. His current scheme right now, he's a bee guy.

He's moving bees? He's moving bees. Come on, man. Bees is in trouble. There's people who want bees. There's people who want bees, and he can get you into bees. And he says this one's altruistic. At various points, he and my dad's friendship, he has been a wreath guy.

All right. Nobody is in animal husbandry for altruism. No, no, no. So he's like a bee husbandry. He's been into reeds. And briefly, while he was in the import export business, he was getting bootleg jerseys brought in from China. And like, he was like, your son's on a college campus, right?

Oh. He's like, your son's on a college campus. You should have him move these shmada jerseys. work off, yeah. And I was like, I just wanted a jersey, but my dad wanted a jersey. You wanted a jersey. You didn't want a job. How about 10 pallets?

Yeah. You wanted a Magic Johnson, Michigan State. It was a Dionne Sanders Dallas Cowboys. Oh, yeah. How about these Phoenix Suns championship jerseys? So I got this like huge box, like two huge boxes. And he was like, yeah, so sell them. And then like I'll give you some of the profit.

And I asked like two people on campus. Because I was like not, you know, I'm like outgoing, but in a controlled content. Not like, you're not a hustler. You're not like, showing people shit is different. I'm not, that way different. That comedy is like, you be quiet. I talk. It's a controlled environment.

This would be like cold calling people on the street. Like, hey, you look like you might want a. That's a different type of guy. Andre Reisen jersey. You know, like. So that guy was me and you were right. Yeah. I wouldn't mind it.

But like, I didn't find to you. I asked two people, neither of more interested in my bootleg jerseys. One of them looked and he was like. Like, some of them were very clearly bootlegs. Some of them weren't. Oh, yes. You got to put the good ones up top. I sure.

Well, but, yeah. He was still learning the game. He just got thrown in the middle of the game. Yeah. I was just wearing, like, cargo shorts and I had it Dion Sanders jersey. I want you to walk up to a guy and, like, at a tailgate party like Tyrese does and Baby Boy and just put it on, like, some big beefy dude and be like, man, look at this jersey on you. You know how many things he asks him to do, like, Tyrese and Baby Boy? I was thinking about him for himself.

I want you to treat me like Tyree's baby boy You don't want that Yeah, which character? Yeah, first off, which is? He's treating people differently. Sean chokes him out in the kitchen. Cost of grip. I don't think I've fully seen Baby Boy.

I think I've seen snippets when we got home drunk. That's alarming. We never got home drunk. What are you talking about? You're thinking of a different roommate. It's a great... We never made it home, ma'am. You might have seen it on my phone on the screen.

Can I say that Baby Boy gets back? better as I get older. It sure does. When I was 20, I was like, ah, this is all right. I thought I was like. I was like. Yon Singleton while we're. Yeah, yeah, RIP.

But as like now as a man, I'm like, that movie's, and Jody just, he had no options, bro. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? I also didn't have any options. I couldn't move these jerseys. I had to come back to this guy six months later with two boxes for. Six months.

Oh, you gave him back? Yeah. Yeah. You wanted him back. He's a man of schemes. Six months, huh? Yeah. Damn.

You give me six. You didn't say them. I like that, man. I like a scheme guy, though. Oh, were you wearing them, though? I wore one. You weren't even wearing the... Very, I was big.

That was the... Deion Sanders was the only three-X-old. Oh, it was the only one to fit. Yeah. Because I was going to say, if you came up off a six months of wearing alternate jerseys... It would have been great. That's worth it. Yeah.

Not the case. Damn. Failed. Now, little did I know. All I had to do was to have a podcast. Mm-hmm. Could have sold those jerks. I still couldn't have.

You have an electric personality. I still got a lot of jerseys that have not been sold to. I'm sitting on a lot of stock. But you have also have, because it's so many that you've bought. Yeah, listen. Maybe you have more jerseys than any man I know. The inventory is kind of fluctuating. It's ridiculous.

You just posted a picture of a Los Angeles Lakers football helmet. Yeah. That's a man who has so much sports apparel. It was the most, yeah. It was unbelievable when I said. saw this thing. That's like a grapricot. Yeah. I saw one in the wild, bro. Thank you. I'm not to call my girlfriend back.

Well, no. We're fantasy graphing coaches. Speaking of sports. There he goes. Speaking of sports. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ooh, Jamel wins.

Cisers against two papers. Jamel, as the winner doesn't come upon you to determine the order today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. Domino is set up like an S. All right. Okay. All right. Simple, easy. Straight to it. Yeah.

Basically, fourth in the first round, first and the second round. Now, without mind, what would the order of today's draft of fictional or real coaches be? You know what I'm going the other way? I like that Sean does Tyrese alone at his house. I'm going, Sean Ian, David, me. You're never alone when Tyrese is on the TV. Yeah. All right. Sean Ian, David. that Jamel is the order, and we're going to get to Sean's first pick right after the short break. This episode, of all fantasy, everything, is brought to you by Babel.

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that's what Babel's doing. Get on it. Babel wants to help you out. We want your. We want your to learn another language. So we are teaming up with Babel to gift you 55% off subscriptions, but only for our listeners at babble.com slash all fantasy. Get up to 55% off at babble.com slash all fantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-B-B-B-Bel.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of All Fantasy, everything is brought to you by HelloFresh. Now, you probably heard a HelloFresh. We've talked about it before. But if you haven't heard in a while. Essentially what it is, they send chef-crafted recipes and fresh ingredients to your home so you can sit and prepare the meal that you want to prepare. You can make a night

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Factual, factual statement. Well, you have, we like football. Sorry, we love football, yes. We love football. Come on. Please, your boys are all welcome. Come on. Get at us. I'll come on and talk Oregon Ducks football anytime you want.

What's up with you all these days? Looking pretty good. I mean, Dylan Gabriel's gone. Dylan Gabriel's gone. But we got that kid who was at UCLA, but he transferred. He's from Detroit. What's his name? T-Grisley?

He got tea grizzly They tried to set them up for a jewelry They were praying what was down for Yeah Yeah they're ever been a player in a team Name Dylan Gabriel and then another player named Gabriel Dylan Like do you think that's ever happened on the team?

There are two men on the world champion Oklahoma City Thunder Uh huh Named uh Jaylon Williams Wait really They're spelled the same Yes

No One of them is spelled slightly different Do you see those three brothers It's Williams with three L's Do you see those three Will Williams Did you see those three brothers are at LSU?

No, no. There's three of them now? No. They're like two linebackers and then... No, there's a football family together? Yeah. Damn. And they're at LSU? That means that I have really good. Yeah. I just wanted... That's scary. That's the only ever dream I had for me and my brothers was...

To be Division I brothers. You weren't close enough in age. Yeah, it was fucked up. He was going to hold himself back. Yeah. To make sure it happens. He just shows up. I don't get math. He's not going to reclassify. I can't. I can't be advancing. I was going to go to community college for 10 years.

What does Ola I mean? Dante Moore. Dante Moore is our quarterback. But also, you know who's just enrolled at the University of Oregon? Akely Smith Jr. Whoa, you know he's better than the first one. He has to be. You know he's better than the first one.

We're hoping he's better than the first one. Well, the first one was like good. Come on. That's what we were bad. Yeah. But, you know, now we got Phil Knight money. Yeah. Well, John.

talking football, but anyway, yes, Sean's up. We can keep talking about football. We're going to take it down to Texas. We're going to go to Dylan, Texas. We're going to talk about, we're going to talk about, you know, we're going to talk about my man, Eric Taylor. Coach Eric Taylor. You don't.

You don't get better. As a fictional coach, I mean, as a coach in general, top pick, it's. Doesn't he have bodies, too? Didn't he kill a kid or something? No. A murder happened underneath him. He didn't do it. Yeah, he didn't do it.

Jesse Plimman's. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. the other way. Yeah. What's Jesse Plumman's name in the show? It was like Jada Kiss lyrics.

Landry. Landry killed a guy because the guy was like aggressive towards Tyra or like tried to corner a parking lot that was the writer strike season. So that's where they went

with a murder. It's insane. So I'm just saying like, yes, good coach. Eric Taylor's the best coach you get. I don't know about that. Best coach ever. I think I got five better.

You're wrong, buddy. Yeah. It's a fine first pick, man. You know, there's a lot of work here. Had to happen. Had to happen. Eric Taylor. Play in the mud.

You like that episode? What, the mud bowl? Where they dig their own field? Yeah, it's where they play on neutral ground. They play on neutral ground. Why did they have to do that again? Why do they, like, dig a field? This is the spirit of competition.

I'm going to be honest, the show sounds stupid. You would love it. David, I'm telling you, it's so good. We don't like Michael B. Jordan, which is going to fucking be a bummer in season four and five or whenever he comes out. You know Michael B. Jordan pisses me on. Michael Bajorne is so good in that show. That's why.

It's an amazing show. That's a son of a bitch song. It's like a show with you. Great acting. That, uh... Now you're messing with son of a bitch! That's what, uh...

The pilot, right? Pilot. Yeah. No, no, a few episodes in. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, it's just such a good show. Me and my girl just started watching Sopranos.

I got a lot of shit too. Okay, yeah, you're not getting good for. You're not ready there. You've got to finish that in the year. You're going to be, it's going to be a few years before you do. Every time I watch Sopranos, I'm having a great time in my life. Yeah. Yeah, Spranos rules.

It took me forever to watch. I just try dressing like Steve Van Zandt. A little Stevie. Okay. And do the chin thing that, you know. You know what I want to dress is like is Polly Walnuts. Yeah, that's a good one too. Lossilch shirt.

Polly Walnuts is like that. So he's like the actual gangster in that show, right? Like he's actually was in the mob and everything. Like that's just how he is. The kid, whatever, Jacob, whatever the kid, the son, he has a podcast. And he talks, he's like, that's what he was like. Like on camera, off camera, just how Polly Walnut. that's was.

You don't believe they keep pulling me back. They keep pulling me back. That's a godfather. Just like Eric Taylor with the defensive line when they're showing a blitz. No, who sings that song? David was contending that Ray J has never taken an L. I don't think he has, yeah. I still believe that.

Okay, a lot of draws. They're not all wins. A lot of ties. A lot of draws. A lot of Jays record if he hasn't lost. But we're talking about L's. No, yeah, he's, listen, it's a European football rule. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of draws. One point on the table. Yeah, one point. Yeah, just a tie game, tie game. Yeah, Eric Taylor. Went to overtime, left out tied. No winner. No losses.

Yeah, no losses. I'll tell you what's a big plus, what's a big win on the table for old coach Eric Taylor. Tammy Taylor. How about it? Yes. I got to look her up. That's wife, Connie Britton. Coach with a, yeah, Connie Britton is one of the baddest ever.

Ever. The Jalen Hertz of actresses. Yeah, absolutely. They try to throw her in the tracks. she kept back coming back. She wasn't having it. Fuck you guys. I'm back again. She made Nashville a good show.

Yeah, dog. She just, she's unstoppable. She was in that OJ one too, right? Wasn't she? Yeah, she was in the true American crime store. She was also one of the only people that did the movie and the TV show. Her and Buddy Garrity were the only two people that like did both.

Bro, true story. I'm pretty sure I'm pretty sure Michael J. Fox having Parkinson's is like what ended like a real TV dog. Because when it was them, when it was him and Connie Britain, will they won't they? Yeah. I was locked in, bro.

I was in there. I cared about politics. I was, I was, I was in there. Local politics. You really like TV more than anybody I know. I love it. Spin City. I love Spin City.

What's your favorite TV show of all time? There was a point in time where I would have said Spin City. Okay. If you asked me in 2009, if you asked me in 1998, I probably would have said, Spin City. Like legit when it was on the first run. It's hard to say. You like just...

Oh, I was just thinking about what Sean is. No, keep going. Law & Order is technically the best show ever made. Yeah. But it's like, come on. It's burnt out. It's burnt out. Well, you wouldn't say like a breaking bad or like a...

Law & Order, bro. Dog, the year where they first find out about the internet, man, when they first had the internet on that bitch, man, the bike gang that was messaging each other off a fucking message boards, that's literally Shy Rack, dog. They did Shirek with white guys in 1995, okay? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. You know what I love was criminal intent with Dinoffrio.

Come on, when Dinafrio would just finesse the criminal into telling on himself. He was so sick. He had niggas telling on himself. He was so slick. Niggas of various races. And then he clearly struck some kind of deal with the network where Dinafrio was only in every other episode. Only every other episode was a Dinafrio. Apparently he was just like a tough dude to work with.

David, have you ever seen You ever seen DeNafrio just walking around at all? Cruel. Yeah, me and Shane saw him when you guys when you guys were having a terrible time. Not you guys. I was playing the diplomat.

I was going back and forth. No, Sean wasn't with us, though. It was just me and Shane. I was walking back and forth. I was keeping him company until he boiled over every time. I lost my temper, but it was, I was right to. We were renting a car and it took over two hours.

Yeah, we don't want to really living together. Anyway, yeah, Eric Taylor. Okay. Not for you. E.T. baby. Had his shirt off. It came down he is big. That's great. To Connie Britton. Oh, let me listen.

Let me hear it. And Renee Zellweger for the part of Dorothy Boyd. Why? And Jerry McGuire. Wild. Who would have been Connie Britton. Damn. You know what I love is... She would have been great. Yeah, that's a smoker movie. Dave Chappelle says Renee Zell Wedger. Who the fuck is her? Renee Zell Wedger.

It kills me every time. I think about Nick Kroll saying it in that Fabrice Fabrice character a lot. For some reason I've have it stuck in my head. Renais, Zell Wegga. Zell Wagger. Little tiny waters. Yeah, I remember right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People didn't really give Kroll show what it deserves. It was great. It was so funny. Kroll's great. Kroll. I call them Kroll. It's cool like that.

Yeah, because we're, like all on a hockey team together. That's how comedy is. We're all. Kroll, bro. Treat it like an egg, dude. I do see Kroll at the Atwater Village Farmers Market from time to time. All right. It's a check-ins.

Yeah, yeah. The two of us. Tip of the cap. Tip of the cap. How are you doing? Nicholas, good to see you All right, time for my first pick Eric Taylor off the board

Eric Taylor is off the board Ooh I got some good It's a tough draft I gotta take The namesake of your jersey business Man

Gotta take Pat Riley Yeah, you gotta take Pat Riley's insane Pat Riley is the fucking The fucking Don The coolest guy The fucking Don The hair slicked back The Armani suits.

There's a close second, but as a basketball coach, she is the coolest guy. Flyest, the first one to make it fly. So incredible. Hot as hell. Sexy. God. Can you imagine being Pat Riley? You're walking around the Grove.

It's 88. God. Pat Riley at the Grove in 88? You got a yellow Ferrari? Oh, my God. You got a yellow Ferrari in the fucking... You're going to put Isaac's little sambas in the dirt. Come on.

You're going to got no bitches out there in 88. Absolutely not. Isaac would have been out there looking sad as shit. You would have had to go back to Torrance. And even up. Fuck. Back to Torrance. Back to Torrance.

Wow. That is a Korean heavy neighborhood. Pat Riley is in front of me in the July line. I literally think you brought up Torrance before. Very Korean neighborhood. I've spent a lot of time in Torrance. He gets money out there. Yeah.

I literally think he was putting up magic numbers. Oh. Oh, Pat. Yeah. He had magic. You know what happened? I think they didn't test Pat. Pat's like, I'm good.

Take my word for it, I'm good. That test says not available to results is N-A. We don't know. The test just explodes. He doesn't have blood. They don't have to test him. It's tripping on the seats, Pat. This is incomplete.

How you got an incomplete test? Pat, we can tell from rock on tech. You got it. You got blood, right? You can finish the test. I can smell you from here, Pat. He was getting it. He also.

So, this man's trajectory. New York, L.A., Miami. Those are the most push-y-gated city. He really did. He wasn't, like, doing it in Milwaukee. And he wasn't in order, by the way, of, like, how much you get laid. Because Miami's right before you leave the country. Yeah, Miami, then you got to go to South Paulo.

You got to be in Rio. You got to go to South Paulo or something. You think that's what happens to him next? He coaches Argentina. I think if Paris is going to get all the way out of here. Where is Pat Riley right now? I have no idea. Great point.

Great point. Where's Pat Riley right now? Pat Riley come on the show. He drops a bag of championship rings on the table when he's recruiting you. I bet he doesn't have an Instagram. He's monitoring Jimmy Butler's whereabouts. He's looking at him in the telescope. Dag, remember when Jimmy said he felt uncomfortable when Pat started crying?

Yeah. Come on, man, Pat Riley cried for you. Yeah. That should have brought you. That should have made you feel something, Jimmy. That didn't make her stay. Damn sure wouldn't make him stay. Real. Damn.

He was trying to connect with him about losing his father. Or was he leveraging that to get him to sign? Of course. Come on, man. It's the Don. You don't get to cry to me if your hair is slick back. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? You don't get to cry in front of me.

I never thought about like that. If your hair is sl-it. It does not. It doesn't look. I don't believe you. It looks like the stock market crashed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. Yeah. You're, what? Those aren't real tears.

No. Yeah. Let me taste it. That's gin, Pat. You're overflowing. It's coming out of your eyes, Patrick. Pat, you smell like Christmas, man. What's up?

Patrick. When do you think the last time Patrick Ewing didn't smell... Patrick Ewing? Patrick Ewing. Patrick Riley. What do you think is the last time that Pat Riley didn't smell like really expensive tobacco and like expensive, expensive cologne? 76. 76, probably.

I was going to say, well, he might have got poisoned. Ivy. I feel like, okay, I'm a magic. I don't know, but see, one of them years he made him do camp in the woods. You know one of them years he had Miami player doing training camp in the woods. You motherfuckers want to win a championship. This is what it is. You got to, yeah, figure out to

dribble on these leaves. Come out with the gators. Yeah. He got, he fucked around and got poison oak out there. He was wearing those John Cusack and Conair sandals and it did not offer enough protection. And I bet he had Bo Derek put the, put the Calamine lotion on. Absolutely. She was there. Perfect 10.

David, time for your first book. Mr. Miyagi. That's what I was wondering. That's a coach, bruh. He's sanctioned. He got registered for a tournament. That's a coach. Lex on?

Wax on. Wax off. Damn. Pat Marita. Of the ground link. Whenever Maxine sneezes, it sounds like she's saying, ish like he goes like, that's how she sneezes.

Did you engineer that? Did you engineer that? Yeah, I made it. Like some people try to make their hands left-handed. Oh, I didn't even think about that. to work that in. Yeah. I'd put a bunch of pepper on the table and play that and I'm like,

my kid is going to have some problems at school. I don't even, 10 riffs went through my head. Yeah, I know it. And no, no, they all got fucking wax on, wax on. Chop stick out of the air. Sand the floor. That's how good that coach.

Arthur just found out about clapping. And he's like doing this. And he looks at me like, It's crazy You need to give him no expression I give him nothing Yeah give him nothing so he knows the world is cold I put ice in his bed

Meaningless yeah Jesus Christ You let him sleep that's cool The world Honestly you guys are dads just The fact that you're there is already going Pretty good I got Pat Jordan beat eight fold by now

Yeah Max is four he left when I was six months old Kaling the game Hero ally one of the good ones That really would have been one of the best handshake I'm bummed you and do it with you. Oh, shoot. Brother.

There we go. Father, brother. Brother. Father brother. Sean is my father. Sean is my father brother. Brother. That's crazy.

Our time in the jungle was good. The bit that you guys are doing in my head is so next level. Yeah. Like, I'm thinking like gay Mormons. Yeah. Father brother. Yeah, this is my father brother. My father brother.

Joe Garman. That's next level, dog. Bormons, bro. Pass me that dirty Pepsi, father, brother. Is that when I put milk? I had a lot of people hit me up and say they didn't. I had a lot of you hit me up and said that's not true. Smash and like the comments

and hit us up in the pod. Right? Oh, we're on YouTube now. You can watch this. That felt like the opportune time. That was good. Yeah. Good job, host. I don't know what it is. Bro, in person, we go nuts. Yeah, it's weird. One flight. Is it?

Yeah, it's almost nine. Well, for me. My phone died. Mr. Miyagi. Yeah, Mr. Miyagi. Yeah. That's a great pick. Yep. Y'all seen any of this new Karate Kid business? Not yet. I want to go see it because Ralph Manchio's back. I'm one year away from actually cracking into that.

I've been putting it all. I've seen all the Cobur Kyes. I haven't. I hear it's good. Pretty good. It's a little. It's champed up. It's pretty good.

It's like a little where you're like nobody. I saw a lot of fights in high school and they weren't those kinds of fights. Yeah, but the fights you see in real life for like Obama. These didn't even try to make it look like a real fight. Like nobody in high school. I knew. I was the one that knew the most martial arts in high school. Nobody slammed the kids face into the wall over and over and over and over. No, nobody had, nobody had

to like go to the dentist. Yeah. No kids started crying because really it's because his dad left, but you think it's because he hits Mexican guys. Yep. Is it the Scalaris who have that thing about that? Yeah. The amazing karate kid bit. Yeah. Well, we don't want to get caught in that

obscure high school karate tournament traffic. Everybody knows about the, yeah, all value. Yeah, where she goes, she's like, So he goes, I suppose you've heard about the tournament and they go, and she goes, well, who hasn't? And they're like, well, everybody. Probably most of the parents of the kids who are in the tournament. It's Sclerus. Check them out. Jamal's time for your first and second base.

Okay, I'm just going to get these out of the way, get my two DCs back to back. I forgot on front loaded. We're going to start with Big John Thompson. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That was my other. I was going back and forth. Are you kidding? Come on, man.

This guy saved Alan Iverson's life. John Thompson, a man who seems like he'd been coaching since he would. came out the womb. He was probably coaching a team on a press break during Jim Crow. John Thompson, one of the most important men in the history of just anything. Giant. Come on, man. The only guy who could coach in D.C. during the crack epidemic.

John didn't care about no press. That's a difficult job. John was walking into Barry Farms with a suit on and a towel on his shoulder and said, ma'am, if you do not send your son to my program, he is going to die. Do you not understand me? this is serious and that shit worked man

it worked yeah I mean those Georgetown teams were the best increale the 90s the 90s actually

aren't that good but island Iverson being there yeah it makes it's so like forgiven makes it good everything about

the colors the fact that they were the Hoyas it's a bulldog yeah it's in DC it's the coolest thing

it's the coolest it's the coolest and John is at the front of of this. The first guy with transition lenses, I think. Dog, I don't know what a Hoyer is right now. No. It's a Catholic dog, I think. I don't know.

I don't know. But what I do know is that shit was hard as fuck, and only John Thompson could bring us this. When we were there, we all got Hoyas gear. Oh, yeah. I still have my Georgetown. I got mine too. We went to, I forget the name of the store, but it's right near Georgetown. Oh, GT players.

GT players. You guys went to GT players. Yes. My dad put me on the G. You told us to go to GT players and then we were there. It was the only place in the city you could get the real NBA side. Yes. So you told us the night before you like go to GT players. We're like, that'd be crazy if we saw it. And then we just saw it walking down the street and not trying to go there.

You really have great wrecks for cities. I try my best, man. I go to any city I get to, the first thing I do is I get on the bus. I drive across town. You really do what's up. You get on the bus and drive it. Yeah. Excuse me.

You do that. You do that. Because remember in New Orleans? We were all like, let's hang out. And you were like, I got to go bust some more. Yeah, you're like, I got to go take my own mission. Yeah, I did have to. I got these shoes.

Yeah. I had to finish a little, I had to run a play. Got me some cool grayes. Yeah, cool gray 11s. John Thompson backed up Bill Russell on the Celtics. See what I'm saying? He won two NBA champions. Do you understand?

This dude was there for all of it, man. For all of it. All of it. All of it. That is cool. He was an all-American. Dog, one of the coldest man and he's big as shit. 6-10.

He's 6-10. Walking through the Project 610. How am I going to go to another school, man? This big-ass dude really walked into fucking Saratoga. I have to go. Live the 78 at the, you know, like being 610. That's an accomplishment.

Yeah, that's old. They don't get old. One of the biggest, most successful coaches. Yeah. Great pick. Yeah. John Thompson. And I'm going to go ahead and follow that up with Joe Gibbs.

Yeah. The most winningest man in D.C., I think he put serial killer glasses on the map. A true leader of men Really didn't give a shape What she was, what you was up to Can you play ball? Can you run a 3-4 defense? When we signed Dexter Manly,

we were not aware that he couldn't read. He is not smart. Yeah, that's exactly what Joe Gibbs would say. Kind of tangential to the job anyway. Bruh, he's not something about, and it's like... And it doesn't prison. Dexter Manley?

Oh, yeah. All-ECD has a great bit about it. Oh, really? That's insane. I actually do got to run back. check that but look Joe Gibbs it doesn't even seem like he's

doing anything either no he's just winning games and just kind of silently just being a little guy over there yeah look as scary as shit looking like Chuckie's dead like a little known brother that leads right into my next pick about

I don't know what he's doing I love it also Joe Gibbs racing yeah exactly come on man that come on that is a championship program also being run by Joe Gibbs yes his kid he was like oh son I well I've made 10

million dollars a coach in the red scans what you want to do with it he's like let's do let's get a NASCAR team his first driver that would be that would be a thing that i would waste money on if i if i get rich rich like you know how some of the guys yeah i think i would i could see you out there with the big headphones in the jacket yeah yeah i would have my own jacket talking about Dale jerry talking about grumpkins in the mic wrong guys driving it would be crazy is that way my sponsorship god damn my sponsorship blacks god damn oh what Crumpkins are wholesome. Dr. Sebbies, though, you're sponsored by Seymos?

Yeah, I got Seymos, B-E-T, Barbies. It's the craziest jacket you ever saw. He sponsored by Hobby Lobby and duress. That sounds like the smell your dick jacket. And then Sprite. Do you remember the Smell Your Dick Jacket, the Snickers jacket? Oh my God. You mean like the Snickers Racing jacket?

It was called, Does Smell Your Dick? No, that video like that. Let me smell your dick. The guy had a snickers. had that on? Oh, I did not know he had a snitcher racing. Oh, I always assume everybody had the trick daddy. What's the yellow, red, and green one? That's Jeff Gordon, who I do think was with the Joe Gibbs racing team at some point. Also, Jeff Gordon, in a dance crew with Mac Dre, he's from, he's from the V. Oh, right. He used to his name. The racer, Jeff

Gordon? Yeah. His name used to be Baby Smurf. Bro, he's from the V. That was his crew name. He's from the V for real. Biggie Smurf? Baby Smurf and Mac Dre used to break dance together. They used to be at downtown San Francisco Poppin. Jeff Gordon is with the shits. That's crazy. It's real. It's really. It's super real.

Is it with the shit? He's from Vallejo. That's what I just say. He's from the V. He has drinking. He's had every flavor of Earl Stevens Reserve. He had all of it. By the way? Did you ever have Slark? By the way? By the way, guys. I got the connect. We should pull up on one of those La Russell back yard shows. Yes. I got a

I got the La Russell basketball. I got the good company basketball. I got his phone number. What's up? Tell him I've got the basketball. Let's go for it. I don't know what that is, but I'm in. You're going to love it.

If Jeff Gordon's going to be there. It's a possibility. I feel like that's what you're telling me? It's a possibility. That's how Ian sets up everything. What was Jeff Gordon going to be there? How awesome is that, though? You didn't know about that?

No, that's amazing. It's pretty great, huh? Can I just really quick run down? Joe Gibbs has had, like, Danny Hamlin's on his team right now. With God. Bobby Labante, Tony Stewart, Joey Legano. Kyle Busch. They're like...

Kyle Bush? Kyle Bush. That's one of the best racing jackets. Yes, the M&Ms. Actually, I'm... Yes. Dale Jarrett. They're like the Boston Celtics of NASCAR.

That shit. Joe Gibbs, brought to you by Joe motherfucking Gibbs. You guys didn't feel this, but when Joe Gibbs came back in the 2010s, it was like Jesus came back. In D.C., it was like he lowered the murder rate in the city. He came back like in 08. People stopped getting shot, bro. People stopped doing Molly and like, go.

going to work, bro. They went to work sober off this. Just because they didn't need it anymore. Because they didn't need anymore. Joe Gibbs is back. I'm going through some of that myself right now with Damien Lillard. I'm trying to tell you, anyway, that's my first. He's back? He's back. Crazy. Crazy. What was that two years? I feel about that. I feel amazing. Incredible.

I can't believe we didn't talk about it. He was so good. I'm so happy. We're recording this the day it happened. Right now, man. You know what's crazy? On a side note, my only other piece of day merch is a all-star jersey from 2020. I don't know if you remember these jerseys, but they were doing different colors. Like, you could get a custom jersey. Like, they had four different versions of the colors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I pick blue, and there's a star on it. It's like a, it's like a weird, like, six-pointed star. Yeah. And it's a blue jersey with yellow trim, and it looks quite Jewish? Yes. Well, it looks like, yeah, it looks like I'm representing a state that maybe the streets aren't vibed. Oh, no, no.

Yeah. Oh, and you have an Israeli-Damian-Lillard jersey? I have an Israeli-Dabian-Lillard jersey. That's the funny issue. You know, I might be able to look, no, I'm not going to be able to take that off your hands. I might have to send it to him, because I really am not sure what to do with it. And I am looking for a white person's approval. I'm not going to lie because I figure y'all are the authority on this particular.

I'll tell you, that's if you wear it over to. Sometimes I get hats that I feel like I need white people's approval on. If you wear it over to David's neighborhood, it'll fit in gray. Yeah, you just wear it to the crib. It's blue and it's blue. It's a bunch of little white stars Yeah, you can do it No, you're all right

It's just the NBA logos in the star day of that. Okay, so we're good. Yeah, you're all right. Because I sent it to one of the homies and they was like it's more Ukraine than anything which actually puts me in the mix But the front was having me like... Oh, I didn't...

No, that's big. The front's hard body. You're all right. Okay, we stay... All right, cool. It's definitely bigger. I'm going to buy a cue. I'm like, all right, everybody, thank you.

We straight, thank you. You're all right, my bad. Also, you know, Jewish stars aren't. They didn't do nothing to Jewish people. They didn't do nothing to nobody. I just had to check the temp as well.

I'm just checking the tip. It's a lot of us who aren't in Israel. Isaac. What are you looking at me for? Phil Jackson! All right, Phil Jackson. Absolutely. Nice.

Yeah. Another tall, successful coach. Zen. One of the tallest. He's a guy who you feel like maybe never had a bad day in his whole life. Yeah. He's got some pretty...

Baggini bus. Baggini bus at her hottest. Come on. In fact, perhaps only the time in Jeannie Buzz's history where she was like, yeah, I'm sexy now. Yeah. Yeah.

Jeannie Buzz it down. Before, what's her face? What's his face got to her? Nobody wants to. Genie bust it down? I did. I just, we did. I was like that with you.

I'm with you. Yeah, I just, come on, man. What happens when we go to Brentwood? I don't want it to be. Jeannie Busset wide open. Phil got her to do that. Phil did have her popping it on a handstand. He's the man.

Just like casually one of the most successful men of all time. Casually. Yeah. Very casual. Made up an offense that nobody else can figure out. We don't even know what was happening. Yeah. Come on.

That shit might have been all pretend. Tex Winter. Oh, that guy for sure. Really sure he smokes weed. He said, you know what he is as a great suspenders guy? Amazing suspense. He's a great suspenders guy. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, well, Pat Riley, he did. He did wear suspenders, but it was more about the whole suit. I feel like... Well, I think Phela Jackson's back was so fucked up. The suspenders was probably keeping that shit together. Yeah, yeah. I think when he was his most powerful was when the jacket was off, suspenders.

Coach, two of the greatest of all time to ever do it. Yeah, yeah. But two of them. Two of the craziest people. Two of the craziest people to ever have a job. Crazy. Two of the craziest people to ever be employed. That's such a good point.

I was thinking about that the other day, especially Kobe. He's nuts. Can you imagine we're going to a game stop with Robes? If he works at Ralph's, he wants to be the best. He's trying to be the greatest Ralph's employee. He's undercutting you at Ralph's. Yeah. He's hated him in the NBA.

People don't like him like that. You don't want that juice? Friends like that. Yeah. Bro. Kobe's cult came all after young kids after. Yeah. It's not like dudes.

I mean, there were Lakers who were like on the team with him, you know, and obviously since he passed, people are like, it's, you know. Yeah. I'm not. But I don't think he had like a ton of friends in the NBA. No, dude. People don't, because that's the thing about that. Mama mentality is like, bro, people will be talking like that shit's for everybody.

That is not for everybody. I have it, but I just like mambas a lot. Yeah, you like snakes. Whenever I, no, like the gummies. Oh, mambos. Yeah, when I see them. Mombos. Mombos.

Mombos. Sambas. There we go. That samba mentality. Anyways, Phil Jackson, we are, we've been drafting for two hours. It is, we're on two kids. Time for my second pick. I'll keep it going.

I'll keep it going. All right, Mick from the Rocky movies. Oh, come me, Mick. Oh, yeah. I love a coach with a gambling problem. Amazing. I love a coach with a murky Jewish background.

Burgess married. Burgess, you know he's Jewish because when he gets, when he dies, it's a Jewish funeral. I did not. A funeral. A funeral. I didn't know Mick was of the tribe.

Mickey Goldmill is the character's name. Yeah. Burgess. Burgess Meredith. Burgess Meredith. North Philly's finest. That is a name that made you tough back in the day. Are there a lot of Jewish guys in North Philly?

There's a lot of Jewish guys in Philly. They invented cream cheese out there. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got that. I don't... Bagels. No whether to confirm or deny what you said.

That's what they did that. That's what they was doing that. Smear, dude? What do you think Smear came from? Yeah, man. You guys invented it? You guys are the first ones to cream cheese? Yeah.

Nobody had cream cheese before us. Hey. He's serious. Maybe some Newf Chattel in France, but that's gross. That ain't the same shit at all. Shmere. I'd like to think if I was around enough cheese, I'd have creamed it. That's one of the craziest.

That is anti-Semitic what you just did. That's not. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. You guys hear about David. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. David talking about cream and that cheese.

Don't do that to me. Maybe you would have. You didn't. All right. We did. Hey, shout out to Philadelphia Shout out to Philadelphia Ishqibble

Ishqibble? John You guys like Ishqibibibbibb? What is Ishqibble? That's good. Now that's a cheesecake spot. That's some Philly cheese steak. Ishkibble's one.

Oh, that's right. It's like the one of the locals tell you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Less of a line. You can kind of get your cheese steak a little faster. And the bread is just as good. Also, shout out to that Fish Hogi that Reggie Conquest got

that he would not tell me where he got it from. I don't like that I don't like that bro I was like where did you get this and he was like he was like oh nah it was in my old neighborhood

and he ate this shit and I was like Reggie this hurts yeah come on let me in it is interesting don't food gate you you should want the business

and it's a fish hokey there's 20 of us who even want that yeah yeah that's right there's not a lot of us was it a fried fish or was it a wet fish you know it was a fried

I go buy one just to throw away it was a Philadelphia Sandwich. It could have been with maybe some sort of a white fish. Could have been a white fish. No, they started cream and cheese out here. You don't think they're frying fish. Well, that's because, I mean, listen, there's got to be a black response to all of this. Fried fish. Yeah. Fried fish is the response to cream cheese. Yeah, I think that's a direct.

I think maybe we're all boxing out of our weight classes. I also think there's a little bit of, I also think there's a little bit of like Abbey Road PetSounds thing going on here. We're the Jews and the blacks were pushing each other. Yeah. We are weirdly on the same corners. That's what I'm saying. We're playing basketball together. We're playing five together.

We're in Philly. Letting Ravits effect of sore. In Philly. In Philly, play back at the JCC or the YMCA. Right, man. I think you guys are like hearing like you hear about the Jews that cream cheese. What are we going to do? That's true.

We got to pull up or something. And then we were like Ishkibble. Yeah, let's get with it. And then it was. Yeah. Well, the Irish. We're bombing cars. The Irish, we're silent.

Hey, Reggie. I know you don't watch this podcast, but I love it if you told me where you got the hoogie. It still remains an untold story. That sounds great, by the way. Fright Fish Hogi? It looked amazing. I'm one of the 20 people. It looked amazing.

That's horrible. To you. I'm going to kill you. To you. You know with that killing shit again. Tell me if this counts. Can I go? Yeah, I think he's up.

Also, shout out to when the Mick almost got Rocky killed. Remember when he was just having him fight like lame fights? He's basically just was like setting up fights for him. Burgess? Burgess? Burgess. He's great. He's a great character.

Yeah. So pathetic. in the first one too like really plays that story of being like like you know like he didn't make it and then comes crawling back to Rocky once he gets to the big fight after a kick me great great

Sean you're second and third great picky Ann can uh can Rafiki count excuse me Rafiki From the Lion King He coached Simba He's coached sport bro

What was the sport? Running from Wildebeest Can't life be a sport? Man, what the fuck? Sean, no. I said you could do Tyrese voice. And you repay me with this? I can't do Tyrese voice.

I said you was allowed to do that. Give it a try. No. No, I will not. Pick Rafiki and Tyrese voice. And I'll tell you if it's a good pick. Pick Rafiki and Tyrese voice is the funniest thing I've ever heard of it. You really tried it?

Oh, my God. Oh, all I did was get louder. I'm so scared. This is scary, bro. You can't. I almost passed out. All right, Herman Boone from Remember the Titans. Okay.

Is that Genzo? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. How many feet are in a mile, son? Fiki should have counted. But yes, Herman Boone, inspiration for days, Denzel, just acting his ass off. It's a good movie. You know what?

Another one with training camp in the woods. They love to make you do the thing. Didn't they go to like Gettysburg? They went to Gettysburg. Yeah. I don't think high school football that would have jacked me up. Yeah, you're definitely,

you're in the locker room. I'm ever like, coach is corny and shit trying to get this to do social studies. What the fuck, dog? Could you maybe take us to like? What are that new bone crusher? Yeah. Or this is at the 60s.

So he's like, hey, put on that Martha and the Vandale's, you know. I don't know much about it. I don't know much about. science books. Yeah, play doing the mess around. Put that shit on.

I'm trying to mess around. Coach talking about Gettysburg. I'm trying to mess around. Where are the girls? Gettysburg sucks. Gettysburg sucks. I'm trying to mess around. You're a coach trying to play in the air tonight, which all, true, has that amazing drumbeat.

Yeah, but you got to sit and chew on letter for a long. It's a long Phil Collins road to get to that drumbeat. We were all sitting in the locker room like, no. And he, 40, sandals, shorts, psychology professor, was loving it. Denzel, I could use the headbutt people with, he didn't have a helmet on, but we had a helmet on it. That's crazy. And they're bleeding a little bit. Yeah, and he loved it.

Good. It was so cool. Now as adults. That sucks. That's crazy. You know what's tough as adults? where you're like coaches are losers. Yeah.

I remember kids getting in fights punching helmets. That was always a wild thing where they'd like get in a fist fight and punch the other kid in the helmet. You'd come out of with a meteor palm. They wouldn't. You can...

These were knuckles. It's just, but it's just like because you can just been going against each other all day. Yeah. So Gordon Bombay. Yeah. You piece of shit.

Oh, come on, man. You piece of shit, mother of. Gordon Bombay didn't even realize their coach. If Rikki would have counted, I wouldn't have taken Gordon Bombay. to call him on that. You know, I can't. He's a life coach.

You're right. You're right. You really? Okay. See, I ain't even think about you. You can't life coach a child? No. That's called babysitting.

I do it every day. It's called being a parent, Jamel. But you're a parent. You're not a life coach. My father, brother. Brother. That's true. Let's get our wedding rings.

You are a parent, not a life coach. Yeah, man. You're a parent, dog. You think you're a life coach. Brother husband, touching wedding rings with my other brother husband. Disgusting, but on a side note, so Mormon looking and freaky. Brother, don't tell our wives. Raffreiki?

It's Raffiriki. It's Raffiriki looking over here. It's real freaky. Rufreiki is actually worth all of this. Rufriki is worth every second of this. He's a sexual, a sexual coach. Rofreiki is a guy who ripped me off for a quarter pound of weed in 2013. He gave me in a bunch of jerseys once.

I see him. I gave him the money and he drove away. Yeah. He's a big old shades on too. In that airbrush, 96 Impala that said Rofrikion. And I should have known. Yeah. Whoever wants to do something with Raffiriki, that's public domain.

You're going to have it. For sure. Anyway, Gordon Bombay. Gordon Bombay keeps swinging. Coach who saved his life, you know. Yeah. He's a, you got a DUI. He's just a dickhead, yeah.

Coaches who have no purpose, this is what they do. They get DUIs. You end up like Urban, Urban Meyer. You're just pumping heaters at the fucking at the seat oyster bar. You know what I'm saying? Nonstop back to back. These kids, they bring you in line. Yeah.

Rafiki probably did the same shit. but yeah. We don't know. He might have. Yeah. Gordon Bombay. Zeke. I've never seen Mitebuck.

Referring to child care as life coaches. Did you say you've never seen the Mighty Ducks? No. Yeah, you should watch it. How long you've been working on this podcast? How many times does the Mighty Ducks come up in the two years? Literally every day. Yeah, 1,000 times.

Go do some blow and watch it tonight. Yeah, man. It's like work research. You can write this viewing off on your taxes. Doing blow and watching the Mighty's Ducks is the funny. That sounds crazy. The Mightiest Ducks. I got an idea for a new movie.

It's called The Mightiest Ducks. Noca Pucks. But this time, they're playing foreigners. That was the playbook. And they play Iceland or something? That's where we all learned that Greenland was all learned that Greenland is full of ice. And Iceland was very nice. I knew if it was smart.

And they had the Caribbean team. They had the Trinidad and Tobago team. Oh, yeah. They had steel drums in the stands. Yeah, yeah. Listen, Disney always trying to teach us about some. other cultures to get some bread. They always trying to make some money off

teaching us some culture. Absolutely. Come on. Ducks fly together. I didn't know that a country could have and in the middle of its name until that. Yeah. I was like, with two of them? Yeah.

Trinidad and Tobago? I'm from Tobago. That hardly seems fair. I'm just from the Tobago. What's the other one? Bosnia and Herzegovina. When your state stops supporting and they can't find the list, ducks fly together.

Yeah. Julie the cat Gaffini means nothing to you? You sit there in that chair? Honestly, and you produce this podcast and Julie the Cat Gaffney means nothing to you? Maine, dog. Maine!

You probably, boy, you matched with Julie the Cat Gaffney on Hinge, Isaac. Get out of my face with that. You did. You did. Not anymore. Yeah, okay, fair point.

She's not on there anymore because somebody swooped right. Isaac's the only person on Hinge where it's like you have no more options for the night. He swipes and exhausts every option. He's not the only one. Isaac really trying to act like he didn't go on a nice coffee date with this woman that we're talking about. That's crazy.

You went to intelligentsia with the cat. You went tomorrow, dude. You did. You took her to Mohawk Bend and you kissed her behind the ear. I went on to date. Behind the ear. That's a different look. Yeah, wait, hold on.

That's your move? Wait, why are you kissing people behind the ear? How do you get back there? Back here. Okay, he's not. You got to come up next level, man. You got to sneak up. That was first date?

Are you coming from behind her? Does she see you coming in the whole way? She doesn't know. I don't start like that. I don't start over there. Oh, okay. Oh, you're working your way back. Oh, okay.

I've done that. Like, down the neck, though. Open with that with the next person you kiss for the first of the show. I want to see how that goes. Take her mohawk. Just do that. It's crazy we haven't had our first kick or kiss and then do that. That'd be tough.

Just right in the lymph node. Just. One of the things you can do when you're drafting is you can double up on a position of strength. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can, sometimes you can, like, you know, draft every position. Sometimes you can be like, let's make sure we're the absolute best

at what we do. And I think I have the angel version of this coach in Pat Riley. And I'm taking the devil version in Rick Petino. Yeah. I don't know who that is. Rick Petino is like,

yeah, like, you ever play truth fighter? He looks exactly like that, too. He's basically Akuma for college basketball. Auma? I don't know who that is. The bad guy from the later Oh, I don't know. I don't know that.

He's like evil Ryul. Okay. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. He has dark sunken eyes. He has earned. He's like as fresh as Pat Riley, but you don't think he gets late as much.

When you're worried about your job every second of the day. Does get laid as much. I just think it's, he's something like on a Tiger Woods diet. Yeah, different shit. White ladies. Yeah. I think a lot of white ladies. A lot of, I think it's just like whatever.

whatever he can get his right he's just like I see there he goes he's like me in Vegas no rules no rules just right man dog when Rick Petino was coaching UMass yeah that Marcus Canby era Marcus Camby UMass you the bags that had to be

getting handed back and forth right to get Marcus Camby to UMass yeah you got this guy to go to Massachusetts insane Marcus Camby probably took a pay cut in the NBA for sure he took a pay cut in college absolutely well he took the opposite of a pay cut in college You got a pay, what's that, a deal, like a pay band-aid.

Yeah. You got pay knee-O-4. Pay suitors, yeah, he got all type of. He is currently coaching St. John's. He was at Louisville for a long time and wore white suits all the time. Oh, he was dressing like Colonel Sanders. All right on. This millennium.

On the sideline. White suits, this millennium. This will. He had him get, he was bringing them strippers, bro. Yes, he was. Remember when he brought the Louisville squad, he brought all them strippers, man? He got in trouble for stripping the waitress. Yeah, man.

On the table in the restaurant. He took Montres Harrow to get his eyebrow pierced. Was the restaurant open? Montres Harrell has the longest arms to torso ratio of any human being I've ever seen. Really? Long life. He does have, yeah. It's fenced up.

If you look at it, it looks crazy. Man. Damn. Where do you fall on that spectrum? How long my arms are? Yeah. What do you think? Lay down there a little bit.

You're the one that can see him. We'll have a Kenneth Farid. Do I look cool? Maybe a Montrez-Harrow. Do I look cool? Yeah. You know, definitely Farid. Do I look funny?

Now, for sure. Is this funny? That's funny. Oh, belly time. David, time for you the second pick. Right after this short break. This is an ad by BetterHelp. Now, everything, life, every day, everything, it's all tough.

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This has been You know The flow on this has been incredible It's been loopy But we have just been Loopy Loopy Loopy

Goopy Oh Oh Let's say I'm taking this Because you guys can't what i think you guys would have liked it better than me but i just know that i know of his

i know his i know his reach in pop culture i'm taking ted lasso oh yeah i was gonna take it for sure i didn't i didn't pick it last round because i thought you'd make fun of me specifically so i was gonna wait yeah i hate that show i love that show who knew you could talk about uh mental health issues and sports and sports at the same time i love that show i never knew to you never knew to Fantastic.

You could have one job and then be good at a completely different job. I like that lasso. It's great. Have you watched it after a pandemic? All of it. It came out after. It came out after pandemic. Have you watched it not locked up?

I've not. I did. I watched it all not locked up. It's for being locked up, Doug. The whole show is about being fucked up in your mind. It's positivity, too. Like every episode ends on a good. It's like Scrubs.

Not always. This is darkness. I know I hate toxic positivity. I know, we talked about this. But I don't think it's toxic. Like, it's just, it's like the entourage formula. Like, there's a problem. They solve the problem, and it ends on like a, on a tiny problem every episode.

And then they start it and solve that problem. It's just a good TV show. Honestly, hearing you describe it makes me wish I hadn't picked it. I'm taking Pedy Bell from Blue Chips. What? No, you can do that. You have Ted Lassau. You can do it before it comes back.

You drive to Ted Lassel. It's a good show. man you got 10 last was a very successful show he's a pretty good coach this guy started coaching in a commercial and he's all over the place something about that guy's face kills me sadacus he's a sneaker guy so he's a wmba guy he's a wmba guy summer league guys you're doing that little kid thing right now like so whatever so shit i like sedacus i like sedacus a lot i like him and sleeping with other people i don't want to hang out with everybody in the fucking store look I think the first three seasons of Ted Lassso was fine.

I think that's why you picked it. Yeah. It's all right. Yeah, it's good. I wish I picked Pete Bell as soon as we started talking about it. You can't, I'm not allowed to talk about these. If you talked to me at the end, I might trade you, Gordon Bombay for Ted Lassow. If you had pulled up before you said, like if you had said Ted Lass, never mind, I want to.

But you said it's full name. David, if you talked to me at the end, I'll trade you Ted Lassow for Gordon Bombay probably. The draft is going on. You guys can make draft a year. Yeah, trades can happen. I don't want to do it yet. I haven't seen the whole list. I don't want to do, I want to see the whole list first.

He's taking inquiries, though. You don't even like Gordon Barbeet, though. Not a lot. Yeah, you like Ted Lassau. And this is how trades work in the NBA. Yeah. Can we trade? Right now?

Yeah. All right, Ted Lasson for Gordon Bombay. Unprecedented. We've never done that. Okay. That was fun. Nice. I had a real good time right there.

But we got to say, when we announce it officially, y'all got to still say that they're on your team and they'll do it. Because they're not official until August. Yeah, yeah. I got to make sure they had. Well, this will come out after that, so what does that mean? And David also had to send a second round pick. Right.

Cash considerations as well. Yeah, yeah. Sean, you got to give him cash. You give him a second round pick. No, you give me 20 bucks, and I spend it. Well, yeah, but then you give him. Doesn't that sound dope? Jamal's time for your third pick.

Okay, look, I'm going to keep it in the town, and I got to go with my guy, Gary Williams. Listen, as important as John Thompson is, Gary Williams is basically the white version of this, the head coach of Maryland basketball. That's right. For most of the early 2000s, the entire 90s, this guy had to coach basketball against Coach K, Skip Prosser. All of this fucking shit is going on.

He's trying to convince kids to stay in Prince George's County, Maryland, when they could go to anywhere else with way better restaurants and stuff. And he's just out there sweating his ass off and screaming his ass off and he's just like whatever you're from Baltimore you had to shoot somebody great come on let's get to practice

Is he part of what made it PG County like what it is today? Absolutely Gary Williams is running around PG Plaza being a fucking menace running a fucking muck dude You took me to PG Plaza You're damn right I did man

He had a dog he had Steve Blake dude Steve Blake Steve Blake the most insane The most insane guy Turtle The fuck of Ray This guy's the Tasmanian devil. Gary Williams saw him fistfight a guy in Miami, Florida and said he needs to come to me.

Is that really what happened? Hell yeah, man. I've thought that about guys. Yeah. We saw some guy fighting, you're like, I got a game on my team. Yes. It's a sentimental pick. But Gary Williams, listen, man, this was he was when college basketball was some real stuff, man.

When the Nike elite socks came out, man. This is real shit, man. That was huge. When the conferences were still conferences, man. Is that one the ones that had the thing up the back? Yes. Yeah. He, come on, man. Sexy as socks.

Yeah. Those made you feel athletic. Steve Blake being from Miami makes a lot of sense. Bro, he went to Miami High School. He was the only white guy on the roster. And he started at Miami High School. He went to Miami High School. That's wild.

And it was not on South Beach, bro. He from the real Miami. I didn't think that. And Gary Williams is going down there to find it. He's an ultimate recruiter. He had Joe Smith, one of the most, corrupted draft picks of all time

and he's just screaming I just love Gary Williams' attitude just imagine a guy like he's watching a basketball game and then one thing goes wrong and then he bursts into a full sweat yeah so sweaty he's so sweaty he's still

you could tell you can see when he's talking to the guys on the bench he's still talking about the shit that happened 20 minutes ago he's just fuming that's me with my red face when something goes wrong it just gets so red the red mist descends

he looks like he's about to explode and he's one of the greatest white men in white man history. Yeah, he also looks like he. You won a nationals championship, didn't he? Yes. He got one of them real ones, no made-up shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He beat Indiana, man. No made-up shit. Indiana. Yes. He looks like he looks like he's good at paperwork and that's how I like white guys. After every... It looks like they're good at paperwork, but then they'll bust your shit.

After everything. What about John and I? We don't look like we're good at paperwork. That is true. I kind of do. Don't love me and I look good at them. You definitely don't look like you You definitely.

If anybody's doing the paperwork, it's him. He do not believe you. You need more people, Sean. Come on, come on. You got a kid's shirt and a Sioux Falls hat. Come on. Hell no. I love you.

Paperwork is not what it looks like. And that's fine. I can see your undershorts, boy, not. This paperwork, maybe. He got these undershorts out. I was talking about he doing paperwork. I'm athletic, dude. We talked about that last show.

No way. When I wore these boxers last week when we were recorded. Yeah, last week. I don't even do paperwork. That's what I'm saying. Ian doesn't even. I look a little more paperwork than you. Yeah.

Who's to say? Besides everyone in this room. I just looking at me like, you idiot. You don't look like you do paperwork. No, you're projecting, man. I wasn't looking at you like... He was to... He texted me.

He just said, I was. Hey, I'm projecting. Ian, I'm going to project real quick. Just letting you know. I'm going to project real quick. What you just said? I'm finna? Is that part of your vernacular?

Well, Jamel told Isaac he could text like baby boy. Yeah, I thought that a bad. Ian, I'm finna project real quick. You're from South Dakota and not South Carolina. I know where I'm from. I want to raise up, take your shirt off, to throw it out of your head, spend like an helicopter. Or is that North Carolina?

North Carolina. Oh, okay. Jamel's have your fourth thing? Yeah, okay. Both Carolinas? Yeah, all the Carolina. Didn't he do like everywhere, didn't? No, he did the USA.

He did a version. Yeah, it's the same thing. USA. Put your flags around your, wave the flags or whatever. It's the same thing TQ did with Westside. It was in 9-11. And you're like, and you're like, damn, dog, that was, you blew it. TQ.Side did one for Portland and it was huge for us because nobody ever mentioned us in the places.

No, you guys never, which is, does that ever suck like, especially with like California love and stuff like that? Oh, yeah. Because that's how it was in Washington or is like, nobody even, we only got Sir Mix a lot. No, he's never getting up there. talk about it. My fourth pick, listen, I'm going to go with Molly McGrath from Wildcats. Oh, yeah.

That's Goldie Hawn. Oh, Goldie Hawn. Yeah. Come on, man. She convinced the kids to let her coach by outrunning them in a long distance competition. That would do it for me. That's a good football movie. Man. Golihan. Slid a nude scene in there, low-key. Yeah. Goldie dumped him out?

Yeah. I never knew that happened. She didn't. Yes. Come on. On camera. No, she didn't. Just pull the phone right up. The principal of the school is Nipsey Russell. One of the greatest coaching jobs ever.

Yeah. It's her and she's got fucking Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes. What is this? Wildcats. It's called Wildcats. I've never seen this movie. Football. They got a song.

They got a lit-ass song. It's like an early 80s rap song. Isn't Kurt Russell in it? Nah. You think that, but he's not. Because what's happening is He's probably on the sidelines bummed out. He's probably in Big Troubling Little China

and they got similar nipple profiles So what you think you see it You're actually conflating the two things Yeah That was a great sentence Nipple profile It's true I mean what the fuck you're right though You're right though

Isaac is monitoring the situation right now I looked her up He sees I'm not just this isn't just comedy talk Oh Isaac is sexual I am David He said with his dripping with sexual

confidence He said with his dripping with sexual confidence Oh my fourth thing Oh my fourth Was up at 545 this morning Fuck were you really Yeah That's why I'm not funny

Yeah apparent time You are funny Ian You're always funny Not this episode Oh shit This episode I'm serious It's just Goldie Hawn nude here You can

You can draft that No Rafiki But I'll let you take Goldie on nude No Fiki should have counted Nope I am going to take

A long time A long pause Oh can I take Pete Bell? Yes, yeah, it's back Yeah Which is basically Bobby Knight Right Oh yeah

Yeah Is that C, he's not Seahawks coach Who's Pete Bell? New Chip's dog Oh yeah, okay, sorry Kick the basketball in the scent My fault, my fault If I say you sleep with sheep

Then it's alleged That you sleep with sheep What are you going to say to that? Coach talk. Some of the best. Can't argue. He was great. What a great meltdown.

He had my favorite white guy sweat, which is the bottom of the long hair. Oh, like in the back? That's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny sweat. The sweatshirt? He wears like a sweatshirt, right? He's like a sweatshirt, coach?

Yeah, I like that look, you. And the friend of the program's name is Happy Kikindoll. Yeah, happy Kikin'all. Man, laying it on cream! Which feels nuts The 90s is ridiculous It does feel nuts It's insane

He's like I got a lineback or a tailback And a bitch to suck my dick And you're like What's up with you man Mr. Kikendahl? Yeah Brother what's the fuck

You know what's crazy His name was actually Kikendo That sounds like a martial arts discipline I'm actually pretty proficient Kikendo So it's a martial arts discipline you can only learn on the Kindle.

I'll rip the money out of your throne. Jesus Christ. Wow. He sat there and had someone say, I figure you're a white blue chip athlete, such as myself. Yeah, that's what he said. And then he gave it to him.

He did. He got a tractor. Yeah. I figure you're white. And he said, he also said, to what's her name? He said, if your son goes up to cheat and steal, what is he going to be? And she said, a millionaire? Yeah. Damn.

Fucking. nailed it. That movie was prescient. That movie is I've said it on this podcast before. We had four movies growing up. Yeah. We had blue chips. We had Wayne's World. We had Charles Bronson Death Wish.

Yeah. And then we had Land Before Time. And if you really think about it, it does make sense for everything I do now. But those are the movies. There is some land before time in you. I watched a lot of that too, plus Milo and Otis. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're a sweet boy. Oh, sweet boy. David is always trying to squat.

up on some lamb before time sheet he's like a little yeah he's like you guys you guys want to get some tree stars yeah come on come on that's what I think

that's how I think about the world um in a movie you should have had which you is is uh the program I never know that coach I did not see it

until like three years ago that's right that's right remember I told you guys I thought it sucked and you guys were bummed out well it does if you watch it later in life You need to do watching the middle sound in the 90s for sure.

When it gets you hyped up, the welcome to the jungle scene. I saw it as a man and it's like. Are you doing it? Are you doing that? First team plays at the table? Yeah. As a pick? Oh, no.

Oh, okay. I'm not taking Jimmy Con. See, he was a good coach. I call him Jimmy Con. Yeah, that you do. Kind of a cool guy thing to do. My goodness. Oh, yeah, when I was in that movie with Jimmy Con.

Kind of Hollywoody. Still there. Chubs. That's a coach. Yeah. He's official. from Happy Gilmore. Once again, officially licensed.

Oh, yeah. Officially licensed. What's his name? What's that actor's name? Carl. Carl Weathers. It is. R. APT.

Apollo Creed. Apollo Creed? So I got two Rocky guys. Chubs. Carl Weathers. It's all in the hips. Buddy. Oh, are we doing it?

That is a little different maybe than. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't win. That's what they were doing. That's the handshake. Their arm wrestling. Oh, when he in the moment.

And the Carl Weathers. him. Oh, you're talking about a different movie. Predator. He's not a coaching predator. No, but I'm saying that's the head-taker better. I think you also maybe missed the point. My bad, I ain't need to play you like that. I think he missed him. I mean to play you like that shot. I'm pretty weak right now because I have cool. You because you started something real.

Oh, don't say that after you touched. Dog, why are you going to get because I have Kobe. He got me. And then he like bow. Yeah. He got me. White guy prinks are so crazy. The way they prank each other? He and I used to go by white guy pranks We were a stand-up duo

White guy pranks They just set each other on fire What a prank What a sick prank What a sick prank I sunsued you on that They just call each other slurs White guy pranks

Buddy On the side of I had freshman math With these two kids These two kids who were not supposed to be in freshman math Who they used to just like smoke big weed and then walk in the math

and quote Chubbs that scene where Chubbs is like explaining what happened to his hand he's like a Gallagator I've lost my ball in the rough he cut me down in my prime I tore that bastard's eyes out The movie quote kid was always like a tough

that was a tough cell in school I love that kid I hate it which is funny very ironic who I grew up to be I used to hate kids who would do stand-up bits. Oh, come on, man.

What you mean just bits? They would just do bits, or you mean like they would call it stand-up? They just had shit, it felt little... Because our age, it would be like Mitch Headberg bits or whatever. Oh, so they... Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, you can't come to school with that, yeah. Yeah, no biting.

Come on your own stuff. Yeah, look at me now. Come on, man. A mid-tier stand-up community. What a good... But like a... I do movie quotes stealth in this. No, yeah, you're definitely on the higher estimates.

You're on a good mid-tier. as a lower mentor community, let me tell you, you got a pretty good home. Do you think any kids are doing David Bory Bits? Do you think any kids

are going to school doing David Bory Bits? No. Arthur will. Because they probably, most of them can't use the language. So, well, next. Victor Will.

Max is going to do my bits. About her? Yeah. So when I was born, it was gross. Sean, time for your fourth. and then God bless it, your final pick.

Did you know when I was born, they just make you take your shirt off? After I was born, my dad got a vasectomy because this is gnarly. My birthday is 6'9. Sorry. You know it's funny? Her birthday is 6.9 and my sons is Thanksgiving. Although it moves, but it was Thanksgiving. We both had notable kid birthdays.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not that funny. I said, you know what's funny. I don't like to look at me after that. I don't know. I have to be in there. I was looking for, for.

help. I'm going to dip my feet into the I'm going to dip my feet into the bathtub of the reel for this one. I'm going to go Nate Tibbitts. Oh yes! He was the Blazers assistant coach. Yes. Never had, right? Never ahead coach. And he's from Sue Falls. I played basketball with his older brother, Luke Tibbitts. I was like, why do I know Nate Tibb?

Nate Tibets. So he, assistant coached the Blazers and he, you know, South Dakota guy. How he spell his name? Is it Nate? I'll do the heavy lifting. N-A-T.E. I think it's T-I-B-B-I-I-E-S. For you to have Nate Tibbets and Rafiki on your board? I don't have Rafiki on my board. You had a dry erase board with both of their names.

Tivots and Rafiki. That's amazing. Your range is unparalleled. So we had, Ian got us quartet seats for the Blazers and I had a South Dakota shirt on. In L.A. Oh. Yeah, they're playing the clips. I still can't get Cortide in Portland.

If anyone can help me. That's wild. It's crazy that you can do it in LA It is It's the big boys at Nike You're fucking in there's like a few people who own them The team has none of them The guy who created phone posits

It's got all your shit Dude Yes I will say It truly is Yeah But let them get a taste I can't get one game

I introduced the new mascot I helped introduce the new mascot Not a beloved mascot But I was there They called you in Can I get court sides teeth They were like yeah of course we got you

and where they were was under the stanchion two rows back on the wood it's not courtside not court side that ain't court side court side means courtside and I've done it in L.A. and not in Portland and that's... I have been courtside with you twice no once

once I've only done it once yeah okay one you've been right behind home play with me don't you fucking sneeze when Sean and I are talking bless you I'll say bless you just to just God bless you demons leave your body no we did I just hit you with a photo today.

Are you a Nick? Edit that out. You and Nick? You bless you? Edit that out. Well, all right. Edit out your sneeze for leaving. Make my voice deeper. No, edit out your sneeze and leave in Ian being a dick.

So that'll be fun because you didn't sneeze. Anyway, I was joking. Nate Tibbitt. So we sat, we sat court side and we're on the bench with the Zers. Like we're on there. It was, who's the dude, the video game guy? I forget who it was now. He was last.

We were like. And then it was you and then me. Next to, like, Al-Farukamino. It was like literally... Player, player, player, me, Sean. Yeah. That's awesome. And then we got to go in the entourage room.

Player, player, player. Me, Sean. What's your name? Bigger players, bigger players. Player, player, big player, big player. And this is like a real roster. This is like a playoff team roster. This was like good, the 2019.

It was like Mo Harclis and, yeah. It was, in fact, Mo Harclis. Mo Harclis's best shooting scene. Yeah. But yeah, so then we got to go in that room where everything's free. Also, courtside, everything's free, by the way. It was nuts. And anyway, Nate came by, and I think I had a South Dakota shirt on, but he's

like, South Dakota. And I was like, holy buckets, dude. Like, I knew your brother when we were kids. Did you say, what up, Nate? I might have got a chance to talk to him afterwards. It must be a single of Nate dog singing on it. You know I did. And I'll round it out.

That's true. I'm going to say Rafiki. Once you explain the life coach thing, I'm sure. No. No, no, no. Is it? Hard line.

Shut the fuck up. Coach's only. I think, yeah, you have to be like a license, like, the character has to be like, yeah. How about a coach bag? I don't get it. I do get it. Oh, as in the brand.

Is that what you want? Hayden Fox. Who's Hayden Fox? Screaming Eagles. Craig T. Nelson from Coach. Oh. Whoa. See, that's better than both of them.

See, that's well much better than a coach. I had to leave my team to victory, like, Hayden Fox. Something ain't ready for the willies I got. It's a tribe lyric, so he made his way into a tribe song. That is pretty cool. I used to watch Hela Coach. It's the only reason I know about Minnesota doing anything. Wasn't he like a fictional Minnesota?

Yeah. Dauber. Dauber. Coach. Christine, I think it was the wife's name. No, that she was clean. Jerry Van Dyke was in it. Yeah.

Dauber was a real, like, Midwestern kind of guy that we didn't really have an organ. That big blonde guy? Oh, the blonde guy? A big corn fed. Corn fed. A bunch of like a Brock Lesner. Like an out of shape. The corn made him blonde.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what happens, dude. The corn made him blonde. What's his name? Hayden Fox? Hayden Fox. I never knew that guy's name.

That's what a thank you. Time for my final pick. See that, Isaac? Can't be tired after I did that. So sleepy. Bill Belichick. Oh, sure. Yeah.

You like his choice in partners, huh? Yes, I do. Oh, my God. What a great coach. chart. It's amazing. The most disciplined, controlling man of all time goes out like this. It's beautiful.

He lived one second in Isaac's world. Yes, he did. And lost his fucking mind. Look at him. He outside with his shirt off? Now he lives in Chapel Hill. What the fuck? What's going on? I'm having dinner with Tucker Max. Jesus.

He's doing weird interviews. He's like memorizing Wolf of Wall Street. wearing the ugliest clothes, imaginable. Yeah, he's always had bad clothes. Yeah. And he's the most successful NFL coach of all time. It's the picks of them at the beach for me.

The mermaid contest. He's got his feet literally on her pussy lips, man. The head coach of the New England Patriots. Okay, but raise your hand if you haven't been there. Two hands, because I never put my feet off the, no. That's just not me. I can see you doing. My feet aren't.

That's why I want to do you. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. That's why you move back to get closer to the coast. He's like, shit ain't hidden right in Denver, man. I don't know how many oceans out here. You know this in a city park? Yeah.

Come on. There's a goose right there. Oh, man. Bill Belichick. Sure. David, your final pick? William Williichick. Kai Barrett?

yeah it's my senior year uh lineman coach oh there we go okay real coach scary man he was kai oh tie sorry i stepped on you he had enough spanish words for you to know that he knew hispanic people yeah but in not a spanish accent in any real way like but he would call a bucket a terrabah stuff like okay okay give me the terrabah you like white guy oh yeah yeah yeah try to tell me and sam talent to rent a pornography music movie to show the rest of the line. He just thought you and Sam could get the team up.

Just a lineman? Just a lineman meeting is they watched a porno? Because he owned a restaurant called the Bent Noodle. And we would... The Bent No. I'm telling you. And we would have dinner there, but it would only be the senior lineman. And we would eat for free. And we were there one night.

And he told me and Sam about this movie that he watched in college called Insatiable. and it was a porno. Come on, son. And he said it changed his... Look how upset you're making Isaac right now, man. I don't know. Isaac filmed it. And he said...

Sam will remember it. He was the DP on that? Whoa. That was my first credit. He said... He was like, oh, yeah, it was called insatiable. And I'll never forget it. He was like, change my life.

And then he said, me and Sam should show it to the rest of the line. He sent you on a fool's Aaron to find insatiable? He told... We didn't... We were supposed to find it. We didn't... I don't. Dig him in the crates.

We didn't have internet. Like, it was a weird, it was a weird in between internet. I was like, hey, do you guys have a porn section? Have you looked into it since then? No, no, no. He said that, I also remember the story. Ian goes incognito to look up insatiable. I also remember the story.

1980, American vintage porn? Insatiable. Well, no way. It changes life. There's also one from 1973. I think the 80s probably. Okay, insatiable is a classic pornographic movie released in 1980. at the close of the era of porn chic in the U.S.

Marilyn Chambers That's what I was going to ask. Who were the actors? Marilyn Chambers. That's what you were going to ask. Serena. John Leslie, Jesse St. James, Mike Ranger, David Morris, Richard Pacheco.

What did you say, this guy called Buckets? Torreboos. Okay. And John Holmes. Oh, John Holmes. Oh, John Holes. Johnny Watt. Big hog on Johnny Watt.

Edited by Joe Dund. Huh? Ty Barrett, shout out to A. Yeah, good on you, Ty. He really whipped our line in the shape. They won state two, three years after we left. Yeah, no, he's solid. A lot of images we can't see over here.

Did you find the tape? No. Oh, blow drop. Because then they had the tape for years. They found the tape. They had the tape for years and years. Now the tape's getting shown. Well, you know, the funny thing about the story that he told us was he used to work

he was like he worked in the athletic hall and he said he invited all the softball girls to watch it with him and he screened it in the athletic call and he was like of course they were all lesbians sounds like a stand-up guy yeah

coach is not the best people yeah no no no a lot of touch the fence yeah but then I would if I'd make a lot of people touch the fence he loved it one time he pulled me out of a game and like shook me and was like those little D-Rex arms because I got a I got like I started I started on like a two eye

playing football in a small town sounds scary as hell got a tackle outside of the tackle and he was so excited that he's proud of you yeah yeah yeah put me out and shake shook me and put me back oh it's a pride shake that was such a turn I thought this was a bad shit there was also there was also a story that we heard the coaches went to Vegas and uh and you have to have same talent about it he probably remembers it better than me. There was a story that the coaches went to Vegas and Barrett ran out of money and

the way we heard the story is that he flipped another coach upside down. And shook his coins? And shook his money out to get Sonic style? Yeah, because he was mad scary. All the other coaches were scared of him. Everybody was scared of him. He used to park his truck on the field.

Wow. Small town football is a problem. It is. It is fucked up. Super problematic. He parked his truck on the field and nobody said anything. At least in a big city, the only problem is gambling. Yeah, he pulled up to the practice field and just like parked there. And I remember all the coaches being pretty, yeah, they were, they were clearly afraid of it. Our coach read us Art of War one time.

This is totally, no, no. We were suburban football. We had weirdos, but not scary dudes. Yeah, I never was in fear for my life. No, I'm sure Barry killed the guy. Well, only for heat exhaustion, not from any life. Yeah, not from coaches or anything. I remember, because we, because you know what, okay, this is the last Barrett story I'll tell.

I went to Africa that summer. I went to Africa that summer. And I came back right. I came back right before football started. And when I came back, everybody's like, man, you haven't been, Barrett. This guy's fucking nuts. And I was like, what? And they were like, yeah, he's fucking crazy.

Have they been running two a days with him? Yeah, they, no, I came back when two a day started. Oh, okay, yeah. But they had been doing summer camp with them and weightlifting and shit. And they're like, this guy's fucking nuts. And everybody's telling me how crazy is. And the first thing that happens is we, we're all lined up. It's like camp the first day of two a days, first practice two a days.

And we're all lined up. And Bubba Haas was the first guy in line. And Barrett just goes, grab your ankles. Damn. And he looked at it at, Bubba looked at everybody's super, because we had to do the box of death where you grab your ankles and you have to walk around. Yeah. But we didn't know that at the time that that's what it was. Nobody knows the box of death.

You're the only one did the box of death. So the first thing... We did the Oklahoma, really? No, this was not Oklahoma. This was a box of death. Yeah, he was in a box of death. But the first thing I saw... The first thing I saw him say to one of our guys

was grab your ankles and the look on above his face. His name was Bubba Haas. Still, though. Yeah. He's pronounced Bubba Haas. His name is a synonym. Those are both big guy nicknames. Yeah.

Well, his real name's Michael. I know what synonym means. Similar. It's like that spice. Cinnamon and... I like apple synonym pancakes. Apple synonym. I'm so tired.

Anyways, Ty Barrett. Grab your ankle. Insane pig. Yeah, wild guy. Fair enough. Put it in the Taraba. Rip his head off. That was a thing he said a lot too.

Rip his fucking head off. And then if you won, touch the fence. Touch the fence? I used to... If you beat somebody, he would not... make them. So it was very degrading. They don't have to go run to the events. Yeah. Thankfully it didn't happen to me ever. But like if we we'd be doing one-on-ones and if you beat

somebody, they got to go run and touch the fence. And then they got to come back and play against you again. Less of a draft thing, more of a therapy type. Yeah. Yeah. Vibe I'm getting now. But it would suck. There were a few guys I can remember where you'd just be standing there. And then you'd have to go run and touch the fence. And then up the fence was where the soccer kids played and he would call him a word we don't say anywhere absolutely he'd be go he'd be go up there wave to the soccer guys while you're up there and then come back and then you have to go again and then sometimes if you if you were really fucking somebody up it'd be like four or five six times oh and then the kid would come back and and then he'd be like he'd be like

because I didn't have like moves yeah he'd be like what's he going to do and he'd the other kid would be like, he's going to bulrush, he's going to bulrush, okay? And then I would do it again. Man, that shit really, it made me, it made me realize I don't ever want to do anything I'm not good at. Because you don't want to, whatever the fence of whatever you're doing is, whatever they want to do that. I would never want to go. I wouldn't play football if that happened to me. No.

I remember thinking that all the time, I was like, why are you doing, why are you letting him do this to you? I did see a kid get power bombed one time and I, I did not see him after that. Yeah. Oh, bro, he quit. We didn't even get a power sit-up one time and he moved to Wyoming. That'll do it. You got to join speech and debate at that point. It's a cool paper.

You don't want to hang out with us. Shout out to my guy Pabelle, man. Steve Bush should not have done that to you. Shout to the same talent. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Your final pick, Jamel. My final pick. So somebody told me they power sit-up to girl recently.

What's the power to set up? Listen, I, okay, this is a separate. This is a different podcast. You can't afford it. Swear to God. Look, my final pick is Coach Ken Carter, Richmond High School. Rich what? Yeah, come on.

Rich man. It's all of that intensity that David was talking about with none of the sexual parts. Just run. Get on the line, kids. Oh, you want to be in a gang? Run these sprints. You and my gang. Take this music and use it.

Come on, man. He brought us the end of every black movie has been the same since. Coach Carter, all right, every black TikTok and the same. He made a kid run so much. This little motherfucker started to like poems. Yeah. He stopped that Spanish kid from selling drugs.

Yeah, the kid was selling drugs. He tried to pull a knife on him. And then he ran so many wind sprints. He was like, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. He put the guns down. He put the knives down. I'm really glad you from doing suicides.

Okay? He was like, oh, pretty. tired. I've been to see what this bell hooks is all about. It's one of my... It's one of my... And now I know all about love. I need William Carlos Williams in my life if I're going to be running this much. One of my favorite coaching strategies, just make the kids run

until I break their minds but positively. Yeah. Right. And they just, yeah, we're just running a press break. They have no offense. The offenses run the press. What's the defense? More press. We just press. Did they even dunk in that movie? Yeah, they was dunking. They had a dunker. They had a

dunker. A kid from old school dunked, right? Yeah, yeah. yeah wasn't that the same kid yeah well he he probably bangs one but then they got the other kid from uh uh uh uh finding forester he on the team he's right now dog he's got a headband on the right sean patrick scott right Sean Patrick Scott no not in this one what's his name of fighting forrester no no that's Sean William Scott

oh you're talking about the black dude from finding forest yeah no I don't know his actual name Sean Connery no that's the white guy Buster Rhymes? No, that's the guy from Nark. Are you thinking of Buster Rhyrimes? No, he's from Nark and higher learning. There's a guy named Rob Brown. Oh, that's our guy.

Oh, who's the guy in fucking Finding Forster? Rob Brown, the guy. No, no. He's the man now, dog. It's Sean F. Murray Abraham? He's the man now, dog. I don't know. Is this character name, Sean?

Save the Last Dance. Matt Damon. What's the guy's name and Save the Last Dance? Oh, I see. You're thinking of Sean Patrick. Farrie. No. Sean Patrick.

That's John Patrick Thomas. Sean Patrick Thomas. Sean Patrick Thomas. Sean Patrick Thomas. I thought of it at the same time. I swear to go. Look at how aggressive we get at the end of the night. It is, yeah.

My computer is going to die. Once I started to get the double digits, I start to scream a little bit. You got to recap it, dude, before it does. I'll do it. I'll do it right now. Isaac, do you have a pick? Coaches. Yeah, Pep Guardiola.

Oh. Hey, you know what? Dog, he was on my list. Listen, man, he's a coaching genius. He's so good. And then last year, he was going through a divorce in a way that I've never seen a man go through a divorce. What is in? He's just coaching in Europe in the pouring.

with a sweater on, no jacket. He's just in there. Just looking like a ball of yarn. Just like the saddest man you ever seen. Just wet feeling it. Like what's happening on the outside is happening on the inside. Exactly. The opposite of a waterproof fit.

Yeah. At work. The water soaked fit. Just dying. Yeah. And it was, the press conferences was like, you think I give a fuck about this soccer team? My life is over.

My wife left me. You think I'd give a fuck about fucking Champions League? And then she came back. Oh. She was like, okay, you actually don't care that much about the soccer team. You left the soccer team fall to shit because I was gone. I'm back. And then they started winning immediately.

Really? They were doing bad. And then she came back and then they started doing me really well. It's mama Guardiola. Yes. I'm telling you, man. She used to hand him the coat. I hate Man City, but it was one of the most just powerful coaching performances.

Yeah, they came back and finished in second. Yeah, man. Well, excuse me, Arsenal did. Check yourself. Check your privilege. Shot to Arsenal. Checked. are you in Gunners? Are you given first?

Are you guys? I'm a Gooney. Okay, all right. Chelsea? Come on in one of them, guys. Chelsea? Come in first? Who was first? No. No. No, it was Liverpool. Oh, Liverpool. But Chelsea just won. Chelsea wins all these crazy. They won that club.

They won the Club World Cup? They destroyed PSG. It's crazy. Come on, man. Of course, Cole Palmer was prepared to play in the American heat. He doesn't know how it's like Arsenal because those jerseys were designed by a guy from Sierra Leigh. Oh, awesome. How the Hotspur do? The next question Next subject What about the Hammers?

What about West Hammas? Hammers did better than Tottenham All right good Those are the two teams I have interest in Rudy. Shout out to my guy Bowen, Jared Bowen. Oh, because

Liverpool. Corden is a huge West Ham guy. Okay, respect. And then Tottenham is like traditionally the Jewish club? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you guys have a soccer team too?

We got in here yet well we own several of them But I didn't say it. I didn't say it. Long story short, I love the pep pick. Last year, just watching him be so divorced that a soccer team almost failed to pieces.

Yeah, watching a divorce guy is tough. Dog, he was like, I don't get to fuck out. Hey, Damian Lillard, speaking of. Come on home. We've all lived through this. Come on home. All of our greats have been divorced in front of us. Sean Jordan.

Steve Harvey. Hopefully you're not one of our greats who gets divorced. Thanks, brother. Real loud. Coach Eric Taylor, Denzel, remember the Titans. Ted Lasso is bringing him a divorce soccer coach. Nate Tibbitts and Hayden Fox. I went second, Pat Riley, Mick, Rick Patino, Chubbs, and Bill Belichick.

They come walking in. You did put a little more fucking sussone on your pick. Come on, keep the Crown Royal Apple out. Keep it out. Keep it out. You're going to come more balls out. Who's the bad. Birthday cake vodka.

Oh, you thought you were going to put up the Crown Apple? David took Mr. Miyagi, Phil Jackson, Gordon Bombay, Pete Bell, and Ty Barrett. Hell yeah. Jamel took John Thompson. John Thompson, dude. Joe Gibbs, Gary Williams, Molly McGrath, and coach Ken Carter. Some good picks all around.

We did it, boys. Left Rafiki on the board. Left Rafiki on the board. Pat Summitt. I apologize to you with your family. I needed somebody with some swag. I just needed like a different... Great Popovich.

Pop, Dennis Smith. You know what I left off mine? Dennis Smith, bro. I don't know who that is. We knew where they were and we let them off the hook. If you want to crown them, crown their ass.

Also, the greatest soundbite. We left Mike Gundy. I'm a man, I'm 40. Yeah. You come to me now that I'm 40? I almost went all DC, but I couldn't, I didn't really like Buck Showalter that much. It's a good, though. He was the, dog, he's so good.

He made the Orioles play good. Nobody could do that. Buck, Showalter. He's so tight. They're so bad. Don's Daly. Were you Orioles before the Knoxie? John Shula, Marty Schoenheimer.

Coach Ricketts from Hanging with Mr. Cooper. Roger Mosier from Magnum P.I. Yeah. Rick Alvin, looking like Hitler over there. Also, I have my guy, Dan Floric from Smart Guy, Coach Gerber, the basketball coach. You know how his life's always falling apart? Who was the assistant coach for the Spurs, Becky Hammond? She's a South Dakota go, Rapid City.

Really? Yeah. Dog, she's also a Russian citizen. Shout out to Becky Hammond. She's a goon. She's about that. She's a gun. Y'all really produced gang members.

Fucking right. She took the bag from Russia before anybody, bro. They were like, dog, you're not going to play a point guard. for America, come get these rubles. She's driving a tank in the Ukraine right now. Come get these rubles. Come on, dog. You're not beating Sue Byrd for this spot.

Just come get this money. We want to hear your pick. It was a one. I should have, you know what? I didn't do that. I didn't do the riff justice. That was a really good riff. It was a fantastic rift and I felt bad about how I transition.

We are so tired. Yeah, everybody's tired of shit. But it was so funny. It's all right. And then, you know, I'm discombobulated here. I felt good about it. I got Sean sitting next to me. He can't do paperwork.

Yeah, I don't know. You want to hear your picks. Hit us up at all-famcy podcast at gmail.com. I was hoping we stopped at the same time. Damn, and I blew it. No, you didn't. I blew it. All right.

Do it again with your lips, though. Whoa. It is of an all-famcy podcast at gmail.com. Shot tabren on the A-Fee, Patreon. You know what's on there. to everyone on the AFE subreddit, the AIFE Shaslaughey. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Zucarmel.

Shout to Frank Hes, shout to the news. Shout to Hajie Meets. And more important than all of that, tune to again next week to another brand new episode of Terry Stott's Everything. It would be crazy if you guys kissed. Remember when he wore a bowtie? Yes, I do. Shout out to Coach Roadcap, too.

Jack Ramsey! Bow. That was a HeadGum podcast.