All Fantasy Everything - Cocktails (w/ Sean Jordan and David Gborie)

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

Okay, if you let go of your glass, you have to drink drink. If you get up to pee, you have to drink. If you say drink, drank or drunk... you gotta drink. If your name is Sean, David or Ian... you have to get black out drunk. The Good Vibes Gang went to SxSW and all we got was a days long hangover. Enjoy.Thanks to SiriusXM for sponsoring the digital release of this episode! Don’t forget to thank them by using the URL siriusxm.com/headgum where you can get two months free with no obligations.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. news and more, it's time to start exploring with SiriusXM. And right now, you can try it for two months with no obligations by visiting SiriusXM.com slash HeadGum. Again, that's SiriusXM.com slash HeadGum. Welcome to a brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Live from the North Door in Austin, Texas. All Fantasy Everything,

the podcast that took a flight from either South Dakota or Los Angeles, landed in Austin, Texas at the International Airport here at about 11.35, ran to a cab, got in the cab,

drove to 6th Street, started walking down 6th Street, and then barfed all over 6th Street. Red wine. Red wine barfed on 6th street started walking down 6th street and then barfed all over 6th street red wine red wine barfed on 6th street didn't skip a beat

you just kept walking it was a scene man I'll tell you it was so cool like you were just like oh yeah man it's gonna be really fun when we get

and then you just kept moving it sounded like somebody threw a wet bean bag at the ground and it just like it splashed up I caught shrapnel, dude.

I'm like Iron Man. You are like Iron Man in so many ways. In so many ways. You're my Tony Stark. Thank you so much. Make me a suit, daddy. You're my Thor. I appreciate that.

I watched the new Thor movie on the airplane on the way here. Fun, fun program. I watched the Florida Project. Oh, different. Wildly different. Great watched the Florida Project. Oh, different. Wildly different. Different experience. Not what you want to hear before you come get drunk with your best friends for a weekend. Just a bunch of sad kids.

Shaded the evening. Those kids are going to jail for sure. Yeah. On some Orlando shit. Yeah. Orlando jail is the worst jail. Like armed robbery of the guy who plays Mickey Mouse. Because you sort of misread how much money he probably makes.

Dude, he's got to be rich. Let's rob that motherfucker. He's Mickey, but you know. Look at those gold buttons. Listen. Those voices you hear, I'm not alone here. The voices you hear to my left, to my direct left, the G is silent on Twitter,

aka CoolGuyJokes87 on the G is silent on Twitter, aka CoolGuyJokes87 on the Instagram. David Bore, ladies and gentlemen. Yes, sir. Thank you so much. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. That guy's drinking Cuddy Sark right now. It's so gross. I just got

diarrhea hearing you say that. Your legacy is misfortune. And it's not just David and I. Also joining us up here on the stage of the beautiful North Door Theater, Sean Jordan.

Yeah. Number one big theme of the week. God, that's rad. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan on Instagram. Hell yeah. I'm not going to ask y'all

what you have to plug because what would we plug other than this? Listen to All Fantasy Everything. Day drinking. Yeah, we'll plug day drinking. And night drinking. And night drinking. You guys want to see me puke all over this stage?

No, you don't. Come on, you got heart. You won't do that. Today, for you gathered here, we are going to be drafting and then drinking cocktails. Yes! It's, um, man. Sean, have you ever had liquor before? Yeah, yeah, I had some

fly out of me last night. Sean's excited to try his first liquor today. You know, I'm gonna dance with the goddamn devil today, see what time it is. I just want to go ahead and, like, paint a picture for the listeners at home, too. David is wearing a bucket hat that he bought on the way over here. I was going to say, it's a brand new bucket hat. It's a brand new bucket hat soaked already.

I've got a brand new camel bucket hat. Does it say Austin in bright red letters? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. Because I ain't an asshole. Don't fucking give him shit about it, either. Do you know the funny thing I was saying? I did have a dream about going to Walmart and picking out four bucket hats the night before we came here.

Fuck yeah. And one was camouflaged. Of course. So my dreams came true. Dreams come true, man. I had a dream I could burn my way into heaven. When I woke, I spent that on a bucket hat. On a camouflage?

It's so hard not to act reckless. It's so hard. We have a limited amount of time, so we're not going to banter as much as usual. Fuck that banter. But we'll be bantering for the rest of the night if you want to come wander by our passed out corpses on 6th Street.

Just make me, roll me in the gutter. Just sort of try to, if you could just squirt some cocaine up my nose, I'll pop up. Like a cock gun, just one of those, just squeeze it up there. You know? Today we are drafting

cocktails. But before we do that draft we have to determine the order of the draft with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the two of you. I'm shooting up.

You dead. You dead, playboy. All right. Now we throw on shoot. Here we go. Are you going up? Are you going up? Don't shoot paper up.

I'm shooting to the top. Sometimes Sean shoots paper up and I can do this as a Yuleton, but he does that. It's fucking weird. He does it a lot. He does it a lot more than you would think. I don't do it a lot, first of all. He does it at home. He does it at the beginning and at the end of Jeopardy.

I have done it. I do not do it a lot. Everybody calm the fuck down. I catch him sneaking into my room trying to shave off the sides of my mustache. It's weird. You should see the other shit I do in your room. When you're home or not. All right, let's just...

All right, here we go. Okay. We can explore that bit further, but not today. Not today. Not today. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, what the fuck is that? What is that?

I did one finger. He did one finger. He did one finger. He was Ric Flair. I was calling my shot. I'm going to hit a digger out the park. Scissors is what I meant to do. David Borey, as always, wins the game of rock, paper, scissors. Because I'm a goddamn champion.

Shut the fuck up. Now, David, you have to determine the order of the draft before you do that. First of all, don't tell me to shut the fuck up right now. Put your shirt on. Let's get started. Sean, for the listeners at home, Sean has a copy of the Bible. It's open to Deuteronomy and all the words are on fire. The book isn't.

Just flaming Deuteronomy. All the words are on fire. He's got a machete. The machete has a mouth. The teeth in the mouth are sharp. And one of the teeth also has a mouth and it's singing an Irish war song. He just cut his chest open like that black guy in Predator.

That black guy in Predator. He's waiting for me. That black guy in Predator? Yeah. He's bleeding the word violence. He's not the one who did that. All right. Well, we got to move on. You think you're better than me? You just threw a seek how.

Don't talk to me like that. I did not. I did fucking this. I pointed at the sky. Within the last year. David, you have to determine the order of the draft. Now, before you do that, I should remind you, it is a serpentine draft.

And what does that mean? That's an excellent question. Let's say you're on 6th Street later tonight, and you get kicked out of a bar, because you had 15 drinks in an hour earlier. Or if you're flashing signs, you don't need to be. And then you walk down the street, and you get kicked out of another bar,

and they're like, oh, fuck it, they probably forgot that I was at that bar already. So then you go back to the other bar, just kind of back and forth. Back and forth. So basically what it means is you pick third in the first round

and you pick first in the second round. Yeah, if you didn't gather that, that's what I was getting at, yeah. So here's what I'm thinking. I gotta go first. Okay. Because that's just

how I gotta do it. So I'm gonna go me, then I'm gonna go Ian. Thank you. Dickhead. Then I'm gonna go Sean because he's being real testy with me this whole game. Then I'm going to go Ian. Thank you. Dickhead. Then I'm going to go Sean because he's being real testy with me this whole weekend. And I don't fucking appreciate it

because we're good friends. I don't like it when you treat me like that. I love you. I don't give a shit anymore. Yeah, you do. I'm just going to get you drunk as hell. Yeah, you do. You care.

So my first pick. Oh, with the first pick, in the All Fantasy Everything, Cocktail Dref live. God. From the North Orem. Beautiful Austin, Texas. Near the top of the food chain where champions

are sometimes visiting. First pick, I'm saying 11th grade. Yuck. Friday night, we just won a football game against Englewood. No big deal. That's the school rival. Your boy got three and a half sacks. One assist, but he still feels good about it.

He busts into the party. Letter jacket on. No shirt underneath. What? Really? Because he just got the chest hair last month. He's letting the dogs out. You know what I'm saying?

Can I ask a follow-up question? Jeans on? Team strong. Jeans on. Team strong. Busts open. What does he ask for? A motherfucking Jager Bomb.

Whoa! First cocktail. Whoa! First cocktail I ever drank regularly. First cocktail. I'm in. Yeah, I know you're in. For the listeners at home.

I didn't ever think you weren't going to be in. A Jager Bomb is half Jager, half regret. And just a splash of Red Bull. Just a splash. it is the perfect drink for teenage decisions i also like yeah i like jagermeister because it tastes like it could be healthy yeah like it like maybe it's cough syrup i know like maybe just maybe you make me feel better than it's gonna there's a deer on the front so you're like, ooh, classy. Yeah. Yeah. For sure it feels classy. It feels classy.

How long did you buy into the there's deer's blood in there thing? I never bought into it. That's some Sioux Falls shit. That's some South Dakota boys stuff. We're just like,

oh yeah, it's full of deer's blood. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Yes, thank you so much, Marissa. Hart and Sala the Ball Club. Are we all doing Jager Buns?

No, you're doing a Jager Bun. Oh, I just do my cocktail? Yeah, we're not subjected to this. Oh my God, I have to rethink my whole life. I'll do four of them later. I thought you guys were going to do what I did. You thought we were going to drink 15 drinks. We've been saying that, but there's no way. In the year of our Lord, 2014, you thought we were going to drink 15 drinks. We've been saying that, but there's no way.

In the year of our Lord, 2014, you thought we were going to drink... When you say it out loud, I understand. All right. I'm 36. Can I get a beer just to chill on then? I thought we were drinking 15 drinks. We've already had so many. Come on, don't do that to me. All right, I'm going to say on. Don't do that to me.

Don't do that. I'm going to say it. Don't do that in front of my friends like this. Drink your Jager Bomb and Sean and I will talk about it. But then could I also get a Lone Star just to sip on? Three Lone Stars? I'm so... Yeah, okay.

Tell the truth. Three Lone Stars, three Cutty Sarks. Let's tell the truth. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. Maybe do it. It's the first one we do all together. We're babysitting that pretty hard, my friend.

Jager. Get that in the body. Jager. Jager. Oh, shit. Yeah. You're going to be a mess tonight. Jager was that let me decorate my first apartment with a bottle.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I want girls to know you had money for Jager. Yeah, yeah. I got that Jager money. You don't come over here and drink Natty Light. Yeah, you don't think, there's not skull bottles on top of my fridge.

Well, there are. There's a house. But there's other shit. I drink in the glass, too. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah, that was, I used to bring, we'd go to Jazz Fest in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I'm sure you're all interested. And we'd throw bottles of Jägermeister in our pocket just so it was just room temperature and hot sun and then we'd just slam it. Isn't that gnarly to think about?

It tastes like licorice though. It does taste like something Willy Wonka would No wonder your state went for Trump. That's some Trump shit. Hot Jäger? Just drinking hot Jäger like fuck the world. I was just there.

I bet I had... I bet I had in like four days, I bet I had like 20 Jager bombs just like a week ago. Just a week ago? It's a Midwestern-ass drink. Oh my God, you did it. It was all good just a week ago.

Oh my gosh. Oh, God damn it, David. You're fine. No way. We... I seriously just gagged looking at it I just took a look

at it and I was like oh not on stage not on the stage this whole shot will not go into my body it's good actually you'll drink it they won't even reply to us on twitter by the way that's some fuck shit Mark, you'll drink it. They won't even reply to us on Twitter, by the way.

That's some fuck shit. They're icing me out. Who better than this sweaty mess? Who else do you want to sell your swill? Anyway, second pick is Ian Carmel. Ian Carmel with a second pick. Man, what? Now, I'm going to do something that is kind of ideologically opposed to the Jaeger bomb. Now, I'm going to do something that is kind of ideologically opposed to the Jaeger bomb.

If you can pass the paintbrush, I'll paint a picture as well here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dip in the pesto. It's about 5, 6, it's probably about 6, 6.38. Okay. You just got off work. You're wearing khakis and a breezy linen shirt. I'm halfway there, man. You swing through a bar.

Maybe you're meeting a lady later I don't know what the hell you got going on That's not up to me You saddle up to the bar You look at your watch 640? You know what 640 is the perfect time for? A fucking gin and tonic

You're a gin and tonic guy for damn sure I'm a gin and tonic guy I inherited that shit from Saint Sue Carmel Gin and tonic guy, for damn sure. I'm a gin and tonic guy. I inherited that shit from St. Sue Carmel. St. Sue Carmel. Gin and tonic, drank it from way back. I fucking love a gin and tonic. It's refreshing.

It's got a little bit of sweetness in it. What are you going to do, squeeze a lime? Of course you're going to fucking squeeze a lime and do it. You drank one at the airport yesterday before you drank a double tequila soda. I ain't lying. He was like, let me have a Hendrix and tonic, and then come back and I'll get a double tequila. Yeah, that's exactly what I said to the woman. I didn't know that was the move.

I guess if you keep it all clear, though, that's the move. I don't know what the move's on. No, I don't know. You don't know because you're drinking red wine, puking everywhere. Let me talk to another pro. If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much goddamn room, David.

Is that what puking wine on the street is? I had to show Sixth Street what fucking time it was last night. Jesus said that. It's just the perfect start of your evening drink. You know what I mean? There's a little bit of class to it. It's refreshing. You want it when it's hot out? Yeah, exactly. A gin and tonic is like the alcohol

equivalent of patting your forehead with a cloth and saying, Lord, it is hot today. We are in the devil's waiting room, I swear to God. It is a sweltering afternoon and I find myself dampening my seersucker soup. Do you have to pound that by the time it gets to you again? Is that the rule? Oh, it'll be finished? It'll be finished.

Okay. It'll be finished. Yeah, so just a gin and tonic. Carmel prefers a Hendrix gin. That's classy. Somebody out there goes, psh. Yeah. I don't care.

Who do I have to impress, all right? That's class. In what is it, Juniper berries? I fucking know Myers Leonard, all right? I don't need to imprint a deep cut. Yeah, I don't know exactly what gin is. I think it? Juniper berries? I fucking know Myers Leonard. All right? I don't need to imprint it. Deep cut. Yeah, I don't know exactly what gin is. I think it's juniper berries. For the longest time,

I thought it tasted like Christmas trees, which is off-brand for me. I think it does. I think it does have a little bit of pledge in it. It does. Wait, are you Jewish? 100%. Bar Mitzvah and everything.

Thank you for asking. I thought so. I've been wanting to ask for the last seven or eight years. Y'all know I was the first Jew Sean met? Whoa. It was all my fault.

We met when I was 25? Yeah. So you were 38? No, you were... So you were 28? Yeah. Yeah. First Jew.

That I know of, yeah. That's pretty much. Popped his cherries, not the right one. Popped his matzo ball. God bless you. Gin and tonic is my first drink, and in the interest of time,

we are going to move it along to Sean Jordan's first and second drink as it is. Oh, man. Oh, you got a pound pound. I know. See? A serpentine dress. That's where the planning has to come in a little bit.

So the first one I'm going to pick, and we might have to do some sort of a substitute, but this was the, just imagine me. I was figuring it out. I was 21, just figuring out how to order drinks. And you don't just want to walk in. Fresh out of the Crips. Yeah. The Crips just released me.

It was like a work release thing. And they're like, fine, as long as you drink every day, you can be out of the Crips. We'll let you live. So I walked in. I walked in a Nutty's, Nutty's South. They called it Nutty's because you could throw all the peanuts on the floor. Awesome, hilarious, right? And I walked up to the bar and I go, bartender, let your boy get a 007.

Anybody? No? It's Bacardio, orange juice, and 7-Up. Is that what you used to drink while you were playing Goldeneye? That was like the first... It's Mountain Dew, Mountain Dew, and Mountain Dew. You dip a Hot Pocket in there. You liquefy it so you can just drink the Hot Pocket. It's Mountain Dew and one of those teenage boners where you're like,

what do I even do with this? Yeah, that's basically it. I said all that to the bartender. It's Mountain Dew and your friend Brendan saying no odd jobs. So yeah, it was Bacardio,

orange juice and 7-Up. I don't even know if Bacardio is real anymore. You stay picking that shit that you know is not going to go in the first round. Yeah.

Well, I'm trying to plan on what I have to go in the first round. Yeah. What? Yeah. You thought anybody... I'm trying to plan on what I have to drink two in a row, and I'm in rough shape. Don't do that. Close the walls to the wall. I was going to pick a fucking Jagerbomb, because that's what I wanted first. That's why I was going to pick that. Oh, that was one of the crossovers. Yeah, that was one of the crossovers.

Don't fucking worry about what I'm picking. I'll handle myself. God, Jesus Christ. Call your Falcons out. Sean's got... For those of you who aren't in the room, Sean has three Falcons

and they're circling above David and I and they're screaming crumb snatches by M.O.P. They're screaming can't hear on a microphone. They're different kind of... They're different kind of Falcons.

They don't pick up. They're screaming Annie up by M.O.P. at us. Kidnap that fool! Kidnap that fool! How crazy is that song, by the way?

Kidnapping! That song stresses me out. Kill that fool is one thing, but kidnapping is like, you're coming with me. This doesn't stop now. You're about to cry for a long time. They'll never know if you're alive or dead,

and that's going to hurt more than anything else. You're tied up in a basement. God damn. You're so crazy that you have to keep... You kill someone and it's over, right? Maybe the paranoia haunts you, but you kidnap someone. That's a lot of work. That's like buying a pet. How long is an average kidnapping?

I don't know. Is it like a month? It's not more than a month. My man. Oh, shit. The 007 went down there. I'm almost done shaking. After one of these drinks, I'll be like,

what do you mean throwing up on 6th Street? No, I had a great time yesterday. I love that you have to do another one. I know. I'm excited about it because there's so many awesome people here. And normally, people don't cheer when you drink drinks. It's pretty fucking fun. I do it every time you drink.

You're like, drink? And I'm like, yay. I do it every time you drink. You're like, drink, and I'm like, yay. Thanks again to SiriusXM for sponsoring this very special episode live from Austin. Welcome to commercial-free music from every genre, live play-by-play sports, the biggest news and talk, and the hottest entertainment at your fingertips 24-7. Head over to SiriusXM.com slash HeadGum, where you can get two months free with no obligations.

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The low, low price of On the House. All right, back to the episode. All right, what are we doing next? We are going to go, I feel kind of like a chump saying this, but I want a little Red Bull in my body. A little bit of Red Bull in my body. Shout out to Pump Up the Jam.

Yeah. People listening won't know. They won't, but in the room. Mambo number Red Bull, dude. Listen to Pump Up the Jam. Y'all know that David... Lubega's real name is David Lubega? And his last name is...

Lubega. Yeah, L Bega. We're going to go with a vodka Red Bull is what I'm going to do for my second pick. I can do that, right? Yeah, it's... I want a little Red Bull in there. That's two things.

It's a cocktail. Yeah, all right. It's not like the most exciting thing. Well, that's... Also, though, that was one of the first... No, it's like no onions in it. I understand. I understand. You know, I'm nothing but nice to the kid. He puts a face on was one of the first... No, it's like no onions in it. I understand. I understand the kid.

You know, I'm nothing but nice to the kid. He puts a face on in front of the... I'm nothing but nice to the guy. I say nice things to him all the time, and here he is, ripping my heart in half. Beef is not what Jay said to Nas. Beef is when David brought up the no onions. Can you see that sign again?

What? Yeah, there it is. There's a sign over there. Bean burrito, no onions. Yeah, hell yeah. See? Somebody agrees sign over there. Bean burrito, no onions. Yeah, hell yeah. See? Somebody agrees. I mean, that sign isn't just... That's neither a... It doesn't condone nor condemn. It just is a statement of fact that you picked it. Are you into it or not? If it was like, yay, bean burrito, or boo, but it's just like, yes,

a reminder, a cruel reminder that in the first round of a draft involving our favorite restaurant on earth. Favorite restaurant is my issue. First pick, Crunchwrap still on the board. I thought it was going to go. Churros, if you had picked churros, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. It's got five corners. Five corners, every corner full of flavor. Do you guys need your pants off to be talking to me like this?

Yeah, I do. Because that's the only way you're going to learn, Sean. Dave and I are doing Cirque de Soleil-esque push-ups where we're on top of each other. Jail push-ups. David and Ian are doing

a weird yoga thing that you see on Instagram where they're on each other, making a rectangle or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them don't go the way I want to. You know, whatever.

We keep going back and forth between joining Boko Haram and the Yakuza. We quit one, join the other. Quit that one, join the other. Look, I bombed two. That feels okay. I did that for you. Now Matt, it's your turn?

You got it, kid. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. I got to pick something that I know I'm going to need tomorrow morning. Just based on how today is going so far. Does Acrite have alcohol in it? Acrite?

No, I got an IV drip of Acrite set up next to the bed in the Airbnb. Just sometimes, sometimes the dog bit you so hard the night before. It just bit you and it didn't let go and you carried on your night dragging a dog behind you. And in the morning, you just need a fucking Bloody Mary, for God's sake. There you go. One of the greats. That's a great pick.

One of the few savory cocktails, by the way. Why aren't there more savory? I want more cocktails that you could put bacon in like a chicken winger. Thank you. Like, there needs to be way more. I don't want an orange slice. I'm in a bar with adults. Give me the nitrates. Yes, it needs to be way more. I don't want an orange slice.

I'm in a bar with adults. Give me the nitrates. Yes, it's a fucking fertile environment. The Bloody Mary is the Amazon rainforest of cocktails because the ecosystem can support so much. Hot sauce, cheeseburgers, crab legs, bacon, beef jerky. You can put fucking anything in there. You can put anything in there. I like that it's like you can go to like a Bloody Mary bar.

Oh, yeah. It's fun. It's like an event. You almost feel like you're not drinking. Where you can have like 30 of them. You're like, ah, I'm eating. This is dinner. Like there's actual food in there.

Yeah. In Sean's fantasies, he feels like he's not drinking. You almost feel like you don't have to keep this plate spinning. All right. It was sad. I understand. That's all right. No, it was great. I don't like a Bloody Mary. Why? I don't have to keep this plate spinning. Alright, it was sad. I understand. No, it was great. I don't like a Bloody Mary. Why? I don't like tomato juice.

It tastes like gasoline to me. Does anybody agree with me? That's not a popular opinion. Yeah? Really? You'll lose friends over that shit. People get real pissed. Really? Like when you tell them you don't like sushi. Yeah, it's like one of those things where they're like, fuck you. Yeah, you do. Who cares? I couldn't, you know. That's wild.

Can you imagine being mad at someone over not liking tomato juice? No. Bean burrito and onions on the other hand. Yeah, that's... I'll tip you both. I'll knock you both down. Holman's, for those of you in the know, Portland, Oregon, Holman's has a... Yeah, fuck yeah, fuck yeah. Thank you, Marissa. Holman's has a dope

Bloody Mary bar. Yeah, so does this place. That's where I like... This place this place genie's has like flavors of bloody mary and you can like go put all the shit in it it's fantastic it makes me want to like them i know the same thing same thing sushi i see it i'm like oh it looks so good when we get back to la i might get stoned and drink a bloody mary in front of you just to sort of like two things that i want to be able to do shirt off oh yeah shirts aren't allowed in the house. That's jeans on team strong. You guys know that Dr.

Dre song. What song is it? I'm about jeans. I forgot about my team strong. Yeah. What is it? Who cares that he has jeans? It's such a weird line.

By the way, I have jeans on. No shit. Dr. Dre. What else are you going to wear to the club? Huh? The next episode. The next episode.

The next episode. The next episode is about jeans, I guess. The first episode, he was wearing cutoffs. So he had to double down. Like, hey, I'm back, you motherfuckers. With my cutoffs and my dicks off. With my khakis Game of Thrones David Benioff

There we go I like it when we rap Yeah Yeah I don't know if I've ever Told you guys this So I went I hopped in the booth

My friend Corey's a DJ Oh no And I hopped in the booth At his crib And I rapped I rapped Can't see me Like I just put

All my effort into it I didn't say any of the words I can't say But I rapped it Like I was rapping. Like, that was my job. So, you said real blank fingers on nickel-plated nine triggers? Uh-huh.

I know the fucking song well enough, so I rapped it. It was New Year's Eve. We were at a party, and I'm in the booth. Just, my face was red. What did you say? Was this, like, just a dude's closet? Yeah.

With a mic in it? Don't talk like you were at the hit factory in Miami. I like calling it the booth. Dude, I was in there. You were in a closet in Sioux Falls. So we went down. You were rapping next to a John Deere hat. I said it to him on the low.

I was like, hey, I want to go try to rap, see what I sound like. And so I'm in there. And by the time I got done, 50 people were in the basement listening to me rap. Because everyone at the party caught wind. And they're like, Sean's rapping can't see me. What are you doing with the funk parts? All of it. He still has it too.

You know what's interesting about you? Oh my God. That's the fucking Wu-Tang Martin Shkreli album for me. If I can get my hands on that. That's that 98 Degrees song. Also, why are you recording yourself on wax so much? Why don't you just do it like all the time?

Because I want to be a rapper. I want you to rap. Will you try rapping right now? Rap right now. Come on. What am I rapping? Whatever you want. Anything.

Listen to your heart. Informer. You know, sit down to me, snow me, y'all gonna blame. I lick you boom boom down. Take the monocycle,

sit down to me, snow me, stop someone down the lane. I lick you boom boom down. Informer. Oh, I'll do the MC Shan part. How's it go? Please knock my door. Lick up my pals.

Rough me up and I can't do a thing. Pick up my line when my telephone ring. What I'm gonna do? I'm backed in the trap. Slap me in the face and took all of my gat. They had no clues and they want to get warmer, but Shan won't turn informer. Who got goosebumps?

Thank God you're such a good stand-up comedian. I give you one chance to rap anything in the world. It's supposed to be funny. You pick a Canadian rap song? You want a chance? He thought I was going to freestyle too. No, he thought you were going to freestyle

with... God damn it, Sean. God. God fucking... Whose pick is it? Yours. Whose pick is it? It's your pick. God damn it. Chill out. I love you guys. You are such an asshole.

Damn it. I have a sriracha hat that I'm calling hats off. Don't try to cover up what you just did. Why did you think anybody would give a shit about that hat? What are you doing? That's what you slid that in. Yeah, that's what he thought it was smart to slide it in. Hey guys, I have this novelty hat.

I got a novelty hat. I'm not fucking talking about it. You know why? Because I didn't wrap snow to 40,000 people. Hat sauce. It's a sriracha hat. Oh, boy. David, it's time for you to pick.

Two picks. Now I'm steaming, so... I already took 007. You can't take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You already took it former by snow as well. I don't give a shit because I want the whole world to burn Long Island iced tea.

I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck, baby, because it's Tuesday. I just got paid. I only have 8.50. The rest is for food. So I'm going to get two Long Islands at happy hour and I'm going to tip a quarter each time.

Thank you. That's awesome. I know, the kid's nuts, man. You can party the hardest out of anyone, almost, that I've ever met. That's pretty cool. Is that a compliment? It is, right? At this point, it's...

Or a eulogy. It's one or the other. I don't know. It's a mixed bag, but thank you. Can you imagine how big of a piece of shit the guy from Long Island had to have been to have that drink named after him? It's like what you would do for your shithead friends. Yeah. Oh, Frankie wants a drink?

All right, vodka, rum, gin. Yeah. Pineapple juice, because he's a fruit. I don't know what's in a Long Island. I have no idea. Everything, man. Yeah, it's like,

yeah, it's everything, right? All five boroughs. All five boroughs. I haven't had a Long Island in a fucking minute. You might have to have one tonight. Yeah, open your mouth, baby bird.

You just gonna dribble it in there? Okay. I hasten to remind you of the serpentine draft, so you have another pick, David. I remember. This next one, I don't know what's in it besides orange juice. I think I heard it on Mad Men or something. It's not called orange juice.

It's not called orange juice, Sean. Let me do my job. All right, David. I heard it, I think, on Mad Men or something, or I read it in a book from the 50s. It was Mad Men, Mad TV. It was one of those shows. Mad Men, Mad TV.

I get the two confused often. But I just heard it, and I was like, I think I heard it as a kid first, and I was like, yeah, when I grow up, that's going to be me. I'm picking a Harvey Wallbanger. Whoa! Thank you.

I don't even know. What is that? It's for grown-ups. That's what it is. It's not for you. I don't get one then. It's not for you. Don't ever let me have one. It's not for you, informer. I immediately started thinking of Harvey Danger. It's just like, what a cool sounding name. Harvey Wallbanger. Harvey Wallbanger.

That guy plays by his own rules. Oh, yeah. Harvey Wallbanger's got three guns and. That guy plays by his own rules. Oh, yeah. Harvey Wallbanger's got three guns and two knives on him at any given time. Harvey Wallbanger has a second family and that second family has a second family. Harvey Banger. Harvey Bangerwall.

Harvey Wallbanger beat up the Marblo man. Harvey Wallbanger killed a guy with a cigar cutter. Harvey Wallbanger invented skydiving. He was the one. He's like, I'm doing it. I don't give a shit. I'm going to jump out of this plane. Harvey Wallbanger swallows chewing tobacco raw.

That's just how he does it. Harvey Wallbanger did 9-11 and he died in 1957. Yeah, that was it. Yeah, that was a good catch. That's what the podcast is. But yeah, I don't drink them often. I just really like the name. I know you don't drink them often because I've never seen you do this.

You're not with me every day. I don't like pulling your card, but have you ever had a Harvey Wallbanger? I have. I've had multiple Harvey Wallbangers. I've had multiple Harvey Wallbangers. I might have you dead to rights here, David. I don't know. I've had a Harvey Wallbanger, and here it comes.

I'm going to watch you so closely when you drink this to see if even an ounce of surprise creeps across your beautiful face. Look at it. Look at it. Soak it in. All right. That's what it looks like?

Ooh, frothy. I wish I would have asked you. Look at it. Look at it. Soak it in. All right. That's what it looks like? Frothy. I wish I would have asked you. Like you knew that going into this. I wish I would have said, hey, David, describe me what it looks like before you get it. Motherfucker. Yeah, it has hints of julep. Classic Harvey Weinstein. Hints of julep?

Yeah. That sounds like an album I'm going to make in a few years. Bet she's back from the atmosphere with hits of julep in her hair. Guys, once this is over, we start a train cover band called Hits of Julep. Tell me, are you going to drink that shot?

Play that song, the one that makes me go all night long. It smells good. I don't know the rest of the lyrics. Also, just for the record, and yeah, put it on your gums. Nobody listening knows what you're laughing at,

which is, and I want to keep it that way. That's fun. It's a little inside. Thanks for coming to the show. Before we keep going though, I do want to say I like Train. That Hey Soul Sisters song. I like it unironically. I just like that song. I keep going, though, I do want to say I like Train. That Hey Soul Sisters song, I like it unironically.

I just like that song. I like that new one that I was just singing. I like it a lot. It's happy. That's a new one, huh? Yeah. I like that the guy's got that gentleman's curl to his hair.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like a gentleman's curl. Like a 50s kind of hair wax ad kind of thing. Yeah. He looks like a wizard turned a winery into a person. I had to connect the dots. I like it.

That's why he's the writer. Emmy nominated cheerleader prom thing. Uh-huh. Thank you. Alright, it's you, sir. Not that often anymore. It's me? It's Ian Carmel from it's you, sir. At the gym, not that often anymore. It's me? Wait, who's this?

It's Ian Carmel from Beaverton, Oregon. Come on. Okay, so I'm going to, you know. Oh, God, I'm drunk. I like how you're standing up now. We still got another show to do, so let's fuck. Okay, so last time I dabbled in the morning times, and now I'm about to dabble in the evening times.

There's nothing that goes better with a classy evening, my friends, than a vodka martini with three olives. Oh! Shake it up! It is the classiest way to be an alcoholic, because it is just fucking booze. It's just a glass of booze. I don't understand how people get away with that.

I don't know. The vermouth is the only reason why it's a cocktail. It's just booze and the cold. That's all the drink is. Russia style. That's like, hi, can I have a shot, but cold and in a fucking glass that's based on Marie Antoinette's breast for some reason. Wait, is that true? It's that or champagne flutes.

Oh, there it is. Wait, that looks so gross to me. Why? I will give you. Sean doesn't know. Those aren't regular. Just for the listeners on. Sean hates vegetables.

They handed me a tumbler with clear liquid and three olives in it, and it does look like something a toddler would make and then hand you. Like, I made you a drink, Daddy. And you're like, oh. Two of those look like balls for sure. Okay. It's like when they hand you like Play-Doh to eat, and you have to like eat Play-Doh.

Oh, good. Oh, you're so great. You're such a good cook, Ashton. Yeah, I call the daddy is the best. And you're like, oh, I used to drink these at the Holiday Inn before I met your mom. What you doing? Nothing chilling at the Holiday Inn.

Oh, you want me to rap again? I can't remember that. Oh, you said no so hard. Spread that olive love around, though, baby. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Sean hates vegetables.

No, thank you. Yeah, I'm terrified of vegetables. All I'm saying is go have your go. If you look at our body types, you wouldn't think you were the one who hated vegetables. Yeah. But we like vegetables, like, I would say, infinitely more than you. I base my intake of everything on the U.S.'s immigration policy between the 40s and recently,

where I'm like, let everybody in. Maybe one of them will fix it. Yeah, I got all kinds of unknown Chekoslovakians. Maybe, like, oh, one of them was Elon Musk. Good. Good. Uh-huh. He's got to be here.

He's doing good things. What's your next cocktail, Sean? It's me. I'm drafting all these cowardly drinks because I just want to drink them. This is like a fun excuse. I'm going to get a raspberry kamikaze is what I'm going to do.

Another one that nobody was going to take. I understand that, but I'm just drinking drinks that I want to drink. What time period in your life was that? That was a longer time period than you think. What was your kamikaze, guy? South Dakota. I'm from South Dakota. It's a different fucking

place, man. It's like just small town Red Bull. I like all this stuff. Like Raspberry Kamikazes was a very, very popular drink when I was like 25. Because I don't... I've never really given a shit. The crowd is not with you. Keep talking them through it.

Yeah, let them know. Okay. Who doesn't want a drink that tastes good and gets you drunk? When people are like, man, give me a shitty shot of whiskey. I'll do it. But people are like, yeah, that tastes amazing. Can I just interject and say, every

Friday, Sean drinks a bottle of black velvet. Black velvet. It's in a plastic bottle. I'm a simple man. Simple things. Simple pleasures. Black velvet, I just grab the bottle. But I don't enjoy it. I like being drunk.

I don't like getting drunk. It looks to me like you enjoy it. I don't. It definitely seems like you're having a good time. I have a good time. It causes a good time. That's what it does. It breeds a good time.

Just like a raspberry kamikaze does, but I don't gag when I drink a raspberry kamikaze. You don't. What is the alcohol in a raspberry kamikaze? Vodka. Ah. Really? Yeah.

Is it just vodka and raspberry? What's the raspberry from? I don't know. Look at this. Tell me. Nobody wants to get drunk off this? This is fun. This is fun drunk.

And this is what you're going to see all over 6th Street later. It's going to be this color. Because that's what it was last night. I'm not going to, for a second, judge you for drinking the alcohol equivalent of a Lisa Frank binder. But I just want to watch you drink it. I said it before and I'll say it again. Lisa binders look delicious. They look so delicious.

Masculinity is a prison and I won't behold you to it at all. I want to eat that whole dolphin. That dolphin on that turquoise sea. How was it? It was great and I'm still almost throwing up. This was a big endeavor. I gotta go again, don't I? Your next drink we get to pick for you. It's a big endeavor. I got to go again, don't I? The next drink we get to pick for you,

it's gin and gravy. And it is not one of the small cups. You have to drink it out of my mouth. It's getting weird. We had a buddy that worked at Dairy Queen. We had him...

A friend of mine worked at Dairy Queen. Remind me, because he said gravy. We asked him, I was like, make me a chicken strip blizzard. What I thought he was going to do was put chicken strips and gravy in a blender and then I would just drink it, which sounds fine.

Why did you assume that's what he was doing? It doesn't sound fine. You're not going to slip that past the goalie. What the fuck are you talking about? You said the most vague shit in the world. Did you have a broken jaw? Were you getting it for Kanye? All blizzards have ice cream.

We were just fucking around. But then he put ice cream in there and didn't tell me and gave it to me. And I took a drink of it and it was not dank. Still love that. That's an assault instruction. Not dank. Not dank. I could fuck up a chicken strip blizzard.

Yeah, I'd drink it. I would drink it right now. I think I wouldn't even notice until you called me on it. We'd be halfway to Vegas. You'd be like, how's that chicken strip blizzard? All right. Salty. I'll take the boat right to the dome like I'm a fucking pier.

In the interest of time. Yes. I'm going to pick. My next one's going to be Crown Peach. So it's Crown Royal and Peach Schnapps. Calm the fuck down! No, that's correct. You're correct in feeling that way.

You're all correct in your response to that. See that? That's the same guy who cheered Cuddy Sark. He doesn't know. He doesn't know any better. We're not drafting secrets. What the fuck are you doing? That is the shit.

I remember when I was like 15 and I would sneak out to parties, I would just take a water bottle and raid my parents' liquor cabinet. And like, that's what I would end up with. These are all the drinks that I like came up with. So I'm just kind of taking a trip down memory lane. You're absolutely drafting from a place of not wanting to barf in front of everyone, right? That's what's going on. Yeah.

It's a little bit. But I want to, you know. You've been like one of my best friends on the entire planet for, how long have we known each other? Eight years now. I don't think I've seen you order one of these. Because it's just whiskey and beer. It's not fun to do that.

All right, all right, all right. I've been drinking since I was 14 and I haven't, wait, did you think, did you just say you think schnapps is beer? No, I'm just saying,

if I, like, you know, I can't just pick, like, Jameson and PBR. I gotta make it fun. To have you back, these are all delicious drinks. This is fun. I'm just having fun.

I love you. I didn't mean to piss everybody off. I apologize. Say a word. Just out just having fun. I love you. I didn't mean to piss everybody off. I apologize. Say what? Just out here having a good time, you know? I didn't think that they were going to go so hard on you about it. I didn't either.

I didn't think everyone in this room was going to hate my fucking guts for getting a goddamn crown peach. You're my whole world. I'm so proud of you. Drink your drink. Cheers to friendship and everybody being awesome. Yeah. Okay. It. Okay.

It's Ian. It's Ian Carmel's turn. Oh, Bubba. Oh, Bubba. Are you leaving? There's a lot of crown in it. Sean made the fizz face. Oh, boy.

Next drink, I'm just going to have him put like an eye drop Of vodka In a huge glass of water That fucking That last drink Made Sean be six hours Into having taken two mollies

His jaw was Oh man That was tough That was a tricky one I don't know why We were thinking This wouldn't be that bad I don't know

I was thinking We were gonna have Fifteen I'm having a great time I'm having a good time I'm worried for Sean Don't worry about me I'm gonna make it

David's been awake all day thinking we were going to do three times what we're doing right now. That's so buck. That was what I thought. We're just going to do it off mic. I'm from Colorado, baby.

Is that one of those places where you can say that? Yeah. Okay. You ever met the mountain people? Yeah, that's true. They're up there drinking varnish right now.

They don't give a shit about our draft. My dad would drink mouthwash from time to time just to get him there. Christ, John. Sometimes you tell these stories about your dad and it really pulled me out. Oh, yeah. He was a gnarly dude.

He would drink mouthwash just to get him there. That's the worst sentence I've ever heard in description of a father. When he first started just having like a shred of custody over me, I'd go over to the crib and I'd look in the fridge, nothing in the fridge, and the freezer was just a giant bottle of vodka. That was it.

The whole, in the whole house. I think we probably gotta keep this draft going. Alright, yeah, let's go. Speaking of... You alright? Yeah, yeah. You need the beer?

This ain't my, this ain't my first fucking day. I get it. I get it. Now imagine if I'd been getting Jameson and shit this whole time.

I'd be... That'd be dope. Speaking of dads, I am going to now pick a drink handed down to me by my father, which was handed down to him by his father. Recently, I had the pleasure of visiting Paris, France. Sure.

Where the Carmel family once dwelled until the Nazis entered the picture. And they actually stayed there during that time period. But it's neither here nor there. We were eventually asked to leave Paris

impolitely. And I was sitting in a cafe in the that my family used to occupy. Sitting there, full-blown Jewish, decided to order the drink that had family used to occupy. Oh, yeah. And sitting there, full-blown Jewish, decided to order the drink that had been passed to me by my father, done to him by his father, which is a Campari and soda.

Do we have Campari? Yeah! Yes! He loves it! It is, it's like a digestif. You should just be ordering these from here on out, by the way, Sean. It's fucking, it's, I don't even know how to describe Campari.

It's like... It's so good. It's kind of how to describe Campari. It's like... It's so good. It's kind of bitter, a little bit. It's a little bittersweet. It's in that Frenette family, right? It's in that Frenette family. It's red. It used to be made by...

The color of it used to be made by crushing up a bunch of beetles. Yeah. Yeah. Really? And now they don't anymore. What color does that make? Huh? Red.

We take for granted how easy it is to get colors now. It used to be one of the hardest things. Hot red. Spice and color. They were tough. Yeah, people killed for spice. Yeah. I'd kill for spice right now.

I'll kill for spice right now. I'll cut your throat. Are we talking about Spice One? Yeah, Spice One. It's a famous rapper. You want to rap again? I don't know any Spice One songs. David, you know Spice One.

Anyway, so I'm just taking a Campari and soda. It's good. It's a lot like the gin and tonic where it's a great beginning of the evening drink. Also, if you're sitting there with somebody you want to impress and you're like, let me get a Campari soda. And they're like, what is that?

What's your penis look like? You know, it's like. And you're like, crooked. Real crooked It's smaller than you think My shit can see around corners Oh thank you Look at this

Somebody at the bar knew I needed a water Let all the listeners know Sean's the only one Who had to get a water during the cocktails draft Oh yeah What a pussy I'm looking down at five empty glasses. I didn't mean to say pussy. I don't know why.

That water will feel like a really good decision when I can't walk from gout on Wednesday. I sincerely have to apologize. I didn't mean just to say that word. I feel bad that I said it. Sean is very woke. Well, I didn't mean to. He doesn't mean to drop hard peas.

Not to make it weird, but... Sean thinks everyone should have abortions. Yeah, yeah. Mandatory. Not even the option. I'm a mean to. He doesn't mean to drop hard Ps. Not to make it weird, but. Sean thinks everyone should have abortions. Yeah, yeah. Mandatory. Not even the option. I'm a great guy. They should be mandatory, you know? That is nice.

That is nice of you, though. The apology. Pussy is not a pejorative, gentlemen. No, I like it. No, it's not. Pussy doesn't mean weak or bad. David, it's time for your final two picks. Okay.

I just drank this in high school because I thought Snoop Dogg drank it, but I never really got any confirmation. Apparently he's here. Not here, but around. Wouldn't that be crazy if Snoop Dogg just came out right now? Yeah.

He doesn't like what we're doing. Or maybe he does. He seems cool. Next time we'll do a seems cool. Next time, we'll do a weed draft. I just, yeah, I thought that Snoop drank it

and I don't know why, so I'm choosing, and I know we don't have all the stuff for it, but I'm choosing the Incredible Hulk. Oh. Hennessy and,

break that down, yeah. It's Hennessy and hypnotic and here's the thing, it turns, it's really good. It turns bright green. It's good.

And as a kid, I just liked colors more than I liked alcohol. Colors. Colors. I just thought it was good colors. Hypnotic is like sugar. I mean, it's just straight... It's like candy. You know what it looks like to me?

It looks like something they would drink in The Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Yeah. Welcome, fellow traveler. Sit down and imbibe This came from the rivers of Isildur Before the elven people Moved across the middle plain

And that's like what it feels like I know to see wince Thou hastn't tasted the nectar of Throgdun Just the pursed up lips Through the razor sharp Rocks of Mordor Mordor you ever been there dude

I don't like it when you do that at my place David get in the car we're going over to Mordor order your other drink too cause Marissa said we have 10 minutes oh well last drink didn't call it Marissa this is a wild card my little sister drinks some shout out to Gracie Gracie

I love you tequila sunrise sure I love my sister Grace even though she's a real bitch I mean she's cool now apologize

she would like that I said that kidding she wouldn't be mad. She'd be like, hell yeah. She rules, but fucking mean bitch. And she likes those. And I went out one night with a, I went out to an African club in San Francisco

called Bissau Baobab. It's a Ghanaian club. You guys have never been. And we drank tequila sunrises. Wait, you've been? Yeah. Oh, shit. Off a mission around the corner from the beauty bar? You guys have never been. And we drank tequila sunrises. Wait, you've been? Yeah. Whoa! Oh, shit!

Off a mission around the corner from the beauty bar? Yeah. Hell yeah. See? I'm relatable. Yeah. Yeah. People know what I do.

Everybody gets it. I wonder if she knows. When I go to West African clubs and get blackout with my sister, people have done that. She knows No Toes Brian, too, probably. that. She knows No Toes Brian too, probably. My sister does know No Toes Brian. Here come your drinks. Oh, while the drinks are coming up, who's that fucking shady individual up in the corner?

It's the whole enemy of the podcast, Mike Malloy. Fuck you, Mike Malloy! Fuck you, Mike Malloy! Fuck you, Mike Malloy! You piece of shit! Everybody boo Mike Malloy! Boo! Boo! Mike Malloy! Yeah. You piece of shit. Everybody boo Mike Malloy. Enemy of the...

Boo! Boo! Oh, he's got a sign that says Enemy of the Pod. Mike Malloy. That's fantastic. Shout out to you, man. Also in real life,

I hang out with Mike almost every day. We love Mike. Mike's one of my best friends. Yeah, I walk his dog sometimes. I want nothing but the best for him. Excellent television writer. All right, but yeah, so that's my last two. Those are, yeah, Hulk and the Tequila Sunrise.

I think this is the Hulk. This is more of a purple. Luckily, that's my second favorite color. Those were his pants. Yeah. He had purple pants. He did have purple pants. Oh, it's kind of green, though,

if you look at it from the top, isn't it? It's like, I think that's the house lights. Man, gnarly. That's so gnarly. Time for my final pick, and I'm going to keep it hasty. Hasty. I'm just going to, this is like whack, but it's the thing I drink more than anything else, so I just have to take it and show my respect.

I'm just taking a fucking tequila soda with a twist of lime in it. You love it. You love it. It's clean. It's a clean night. Yeah. just taking a fucking tequila soda. Hey. With a twist of lime in it. You love it. You love it. It's a clean night. Yeah. It's a classic. Tequila, the only one that's a stimulant.

Yuck. Yuck. It's an upper, not a downer. I drink hella, I drink hella tequila and I like the soda in there too so I can keep my trim figure

that I've become so famous for. That's the thing. And that's the thing is you gotta cut those calories late in the evening. That's when you bloat. That's when you bloat. I'm trying to say that. That's when we get Taco Bell at five in the thing. And that's the thing is you got to cut those calories late in the evening. That's when you bloat. That's when you bloat. I'm trying to say that.

Because when we get Taco Bell at five in the morning. Oh. $90 Postmates order. Give me 30 Crunchwraps. I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds crazy. I just get on there and start pushing buttons like I'm a kid at the Shopper Image. Oh, yeah, yeah.

We woke up the other day at different times. And when we both finally met in the living room, like two or whatever, I was like, dude, I stashed some of that Taco Bell from last night and had it for breakfast. Dean goes, I did too. We both hid Taco Bell. I woke up at eight, ate Taco Bell, played one quarter of NBA 2K,

and then went back to bed. Thank you, Marissa. Thank you again to Marissa, everybody. Our fucking hero. Man, I really want one of those snapback head gum hats. You also should buy one. On the internet? Cop them.

They got a table in the back. That's what's up. If two people buy those because I said they should buy one, could I get a free one? Fuck yeah. Go say David Borey promo code at the merch table right now. Let's work together, y'all. Sean Patrick Jordan, the noblest son of Sioux Falls, South Dakota. The end of the road.

Yeah, I'm going to pick. And so we've come to the end of the road. Still I can't let you go. It's unnatural. I belong to you. You belong to me. You're gonna pick something with fruit juice. And like that much booze.

Not that wrong. Not that wrong. Not that wrong. I'm going to pick one of the... I feel like this is all South Dakota stuff, but I'm going to pick a shot of Goldschlager is what I'm going to pick for my last drink. I'm not mad at that. No, all right.

Fine, fine. No, no, no, no. Keep that. I'm not mad at that. Jesus Christ. I'm not mad at that. You know what? Because your boy David Borey Senior prom

I went with Therese Ripple Her brother Max Is probably listening To this podcast They don't have Goldschlager Bring him some vodka

With a pen in it Give me a shot of Jameson A shot of Jameson Will be my last pick Can you just Shave off some pennies Into some gin It's the same

A shot of Jameson Will be my last pick Yeah give him a Copperschlager Can't say you've never seen me do a shot. I drank a bottle of gold schlager on my bra. We've been way too hard on you. I'm sorry. It's like these two don't know how

soft I am. I'm sorry. I'm the softest. You're not. It's just that I've never seen you drink any of these. And we drink a lot. And I've seen you drink a bunch of stuff. This shot of Jameson. You'll see what happens when I drink this shot of Jameson right now. Just don't do it on my shoes. I'm not going to throw up,

but it's going to be it's going to be a scene. You're going to win the vote because most of our listeners are girls who just joined a sorority. So that's good. OK.

Again, not to gender a drink or a sign. Also, boys who just joined a sorority. Thank you. Because we keep it even around here. I joined a fucking sorority.

Alright, so that wraps up our draft. Right now I'm going to go over what the picks were. David, you led us off and you first picked a Jager Bomb. And then a Long Island Iced Tea. And then a Paranoid, a Paranoid and everybody's coming to get me. Just say you never

met me. I'm running underground with the moles. Drinking Harvey Wallbangers. Oh, that worked, though. Thank you. That worked, though. I just like it when you... I started a journey.

I didn't know where it was going. I like it when you do the pop punk voice regardless. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Drinking Incredible. Hulk, Hulk, Hulk, Hulk, Hulk, Hulk, Hulk. Shana na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Yes. Yuck. I love it. Okay, that's, yeah. Swing, swing, swing. Oh, you have the Hulk. The Incredible Hulk.

And then you capped it all off with another tequila sunrise. That's another. And then I went second. And I took the always classy gin and tonic. And then I went with the Bloody Mary. And then I did a martini, vodka martini, three olives. Campari soda. And then the thing I drink more Mary. And then I did a martini, vodka martini, three olives. Campari soda. And then the thing I drink more than anything else, tequila soda.

Boring! It's the San Antonio Spurs, but they put fucking banners up. All right? I can't wait to hear this list. Those denim shorts can rebound. And Sean. Let's hear it. Let's hear it out loud in a row I'm gonna get

I'm gonna get Mike I'm gonna get audience reactions let's all hear it out loud in a row does anyone want to come read Sean's drinks can we get one person from the audience alright alright you come on up come on up I want you to read these with me

give it up Give it up. Give it up for our special guest. What's your name? What's your name? Neil. Neil. We're going to go back and forth reading these drinks and being ashamed of Sean. I'll start it.

I'll start it off. Sean started the draft by picking a 007. But what is it, Sean? What is it? It's Bacardi 07 up and orange juice. Bacardi 007. Which I, it's, but what is it? Sean, what is it? Bacardi 07 up and orange juice. Bacardi-o.

No real cocktail has Bacardi-o. Nobody's drinking that. Bacardi-o is something I won't be doing for the rest of the month, by the way. So after the 007,

Neil, what did he pick? Yeah, he actually comes through pretty good with this one and I think we all forgot it at this point. Vodka Red Bull. Yeah! Solid

pick! Solid pick! Solid pick, and what did he do with the momentum of the Vodka Red Bull? He took that check and tried to cash it at the International Bank of Raspberry Kamikaze. And after that, Neil, what did he do? Yeah, then he followed it up with a crown

and beach? What is that? Not a drink. Not a real drink. Softer than the velvet the crown came in. I can handle it. I'm a fucking grown up. Just because you know there's so much love at the bottom of this well. And then the final pick, I can't even.

You're going to have to do this one again. I mean, I don't know. It's got gold flakes in it. It ended up being Jameson, boys, just so we're clear. It ended up being, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Jameson. It was Goldschlager. That was the final pick. Oh, no!

Are you okay? Give it up for Neil. Thank you, Neil. Thank you, Neil. Do you know what would have to happen? Do you know how wrong things would have to go for me to vomit at a live show on the stage? Not that wrong. Yeah, three red wines.

It would make so much sense. There is zero, unless David slugs me in my xiphoid process, there's no way that I would throw up on the stage right now. I'm going to see xiphoid process tonight. Them and J.D. Power and Associates are playing. I know that everyone's going to see Ziphoid Process tonight. Them and J.D. Power and Associates are playing.

I know that everyone's going to say this, but I do, especially now that I've had a couple drinks, I want to say... Have you had a couple drinks? I've had a couple.

I've had a couple frozen section items that you can just, you know, anyway, let me say thank you like I was going to say. Yeah, do it, do it, do it. The fact that you guys

are all here is absolutely amazing to me. Yeah, we do appreciate it a lot. It's so cool. Anyone that listens to this show or supports HeadGum or anything like this, it's just so cool to me that we get to come here and we get to do this. So from the bottom of our hearts, thank you guys so much for coming out. Seriously, thank you.

It's so much. It's so amazing. It's so nice, guys. It's wild. We couldn't believe that anyone would listen. Seriously. We've been texting like baby kids all week about it. Do we have a question?

Yeah, one. Okay, yeah. What's your question? If this dude stands up and yaks, he's the legend in the room for sure. Let me answer. We have time for two questions. Nine inches. I'll answer it for you.

Oh, there it you. Calm down. Technically. A shot of Jameson is not a cocktail. A shot of Jameson is not a cocktail. We have to actually go to a cocktail. Oh, so we actually have to go to a cocktail. Oh, controversy. Oh, shit.

He's right. He's right. He's right. The man is right. You tell me how that was a question real quick. More of a thought. More of a concern, a comment. Even if it's from feedback. Even if it's blank and blank, you do got it. We're going to have to watch you drink another cocktail before the podcast can come to an end.

Hurry. Hurry. These people are waiting. You guys are going to be furious. He's sorry. I don't think he is. I was going to's sorry. I don't think he is. Call me crazy. I don't believe it.

We got to go. Get your cocktail. Order it at least and then we'll get out of here. Give me one. A greyhound. Greyhound. A little greyhound. All right.

Well, shout out. I mean, that was another successful All Fantasy Everything. Hell yeah. Shout out to the Saints. Shout out to everyone on Twitter, on Instagram. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Haji Beats.

Yes. Domo Genesis. And tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Six, nine, ten, eight! get next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. That was a HitGum Podcast.