All Fantasy Everything - Confidence Boosters (w/ Andrew Michaan, Sean Jordan, and Zak Toscani)

Episode Date: April 26, 2018

Turn that frown upside down, gang, AFE is back to draft confidence boosters. Host Ian Karmel is joined by Sean Jordan, Zak Toscani and comedian Andrew Michaan to put that extra pep in your step. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to a brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that didn't have time to even think about one of these today. The podcast that you're listening to? Oh, I like that. There we go. Oh, let's do that. We're not going to edit it, but we're going to take it again from the top.

Welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy. Everything. The podcast that you are listening to. I like that a lot. That was great. And right, right from jump street too. You hopped right in. Yeah.

There you go. Like you didn't wait. Cause it's, I, you know, when you do a podcast, I hear you, but I just,

there was an opportunity and you were bringing nothing. And I just thought, you know, and you were bringing nothing, and I just thought, you know, I had to step in and pick up the slack here. There's a real... Chew on that glass, dude. Oh, please, that glass is what I needed, man. I needed that glass. I've been chewing on Tiger Dots all day.

I needed that glass. It's great because sometimes you'll sit there for 15 minutes. I know. Which is a point I've brought up so many times, the listeners are probably tired of it. No, come on. They're listening. Yeah, they're listening. This is the one you're listening to.

It is the one they're listening to. It'd be fun to introduce yourself to a new neighbor and be like, hi, I'm Zach. I'm the neighbor you're meeting. Just for real. Andrew, you should maybe do that. That could be like a funny stand-up thing. Hi, I'm Andrew LeSean. I'm the stand-up comedian you're currently watching.

You just look in their window. Hi, I see you're eating those cookies I baked you. Just walk away. The present from your neighbor that I am. You're just a narrator. Thug narrator. Big threat to a lot of you haters. Speaking of a big threat to a lot of you haters,

we're Sean Jordan in the studio today. What's happening? At SeanSJordan on Twitter. You got it. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. What's the latest? Nothing, man.? At SeanSJordan on Twitter. You got it. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. What's the latest? Nothing, man. I got hat sauce on my knee.

I was just in Portland for the weekend. It was super fun. You had a sober weekend in Portland. Yeah. That's what level duty am I fat?

Jesus wept. Church. Pancakes. That's what level duty. We did an escape room with a zombie in the escape room. Talk about the zombie

in the escape room. It's kind of intense. Yeah. You don't think that it's going to be intense but it's kind of it's like camping yeah whenever i go camping i'm like i could oh yeah camping in sure sure you're gonna say it's like the circus so the zombie it's nuts it's intense it's full of elephants what are you gonna say it's nuts. It's intense. It's nuts. It's full of elephants. The zombie just had to go nuts. How long were you in the escape room? An hour.

The zombie just had to be, and we did it, you know, we smoked it to the filter. We got the whole hour out of the deal. And is this a real zombie? It's not a real zombie.

Okay. They talk to you, they talk to you like there's one person in the group who's probably on the fence if it's a real zombie or not. Oh, really? They talk to you like that. They're like, no, they're not going to hurt you's a real zombie or not oh really they talk to you like that they're like no this they're not gonna hurt you the zombie

isn't gonna bite you or anything you're like no shit this zombie's not you mean this person's not gonna bite me this person who's working at their job isn't gonna walk up and bite me have you heard of these like they're not escape rooms but they're like extreme haunted houses where people get like yes i think it sounds fucking awesome yeah when they like grab you and shit i'd love it yeah i've heard stories where it's like yeah just really crazy stuff i punched a man when i was a kid in a haunted house we got we could not go back to that haunted house he i was like eight years old so my dad would do this thing with me and my sister where he'd be like we're gonna oh i need to go get milkshakes you guys go want to get milkshakes and we're like yeah and then he would just take us to a haunted

house wow so one we came in and a guy popped out and he got real close and i just punched him in the nuts yuck so at one point at one point during the haunted house were you like is this a milkshake like when did you figure out oh i have to beat up all the men in here to get my that's how i get the milkshake oh who misunderstands milkshakes, me or my dad? I feel like he tries to give me milkshake-like his love and approval, but he just keeps taking me to abandoned places with fears. This McDonald's is crazy. I feel like I would, yeah, I would be way bummed out if he was like, we're going to get milkshakes. And it was like, we have to walk through a room full of improv actors. Yes.

out if he was like we're going to get milkshakes and it was like we have to walk through a room full of improv actors yes and then maybe if i'm not too scared i get a milkshake on the way home yeah uh i don't yeah i haven't fucked with haunted houses that much i love a haunted house we went to that we did the griffith hayride last oh yeah i did it was so sick yeah because this was like this is where all of the people who want to be actors and actresses, this is where they all live. So the people that are working there, they're giving it their, like, this is my shot. I mean, yeah, they are acting like there is a Hollywood agent in every age. Like Spielberg is on the hayride. Listen, the Baldwin brothers just interchange every year.

There's at least one working the hayride. They just think it's going to be George Lucas. Stop it. Turn the lights on. Who is that person? Who's that guy with's going to be George Lucas. Stop it. Turn the lights on. Who is that person? Who's that guy with the chainsaw in the bushes? Get out here. Get out here.

We are bringing back Qui-Gon. I can't stay on the phone long right now. I'm in a haunted hayride. I know we need somebody to play Wolfman number three, but I don't know where we're going to... Wait a minute! Get over here! Yeah, that's exactly what it was like.

Yeah. Yeah. Sober week in Portland. Sober week in Portland. Fun stuff. Wild, wild stuff. It's different. It's different without the goggles on, you know?

Yeah. It's still a great city, but it's, you know. It is still a great city. It's the best. It's a great city that is currently losing its playoff game by so much. That's right, Trailblazer fans. It's the kind of podcast that is losing it. I don't give a fuck. I'm doing this podcast during

the Blazers' third playoff game. And they're blowing it so hard, I don't even feel bad. We're going to have to start calling it a layoff game. A layoff. Two nights ago when they played in Portland for game two, there became a point where we were watching in the living room where I was like, I saw you were in front

of me watching TV and I just, about four minutes left in the fourth quarter, was like, I'm you were in front of me watching TV and I just, about four minutes left in the fourth quarter was like, I'm going to just go to bed before this thing's over because I could see from behind

that you were very mad. Something changed in me. Something changed in me. I didn't give you guys, I didn't, after the, in the morning I realized,

I was like, I didn't give them the goodnight fist bumps that have become. People are going to think it's so cute that we say goodnight. Dude, that kept me up. That kept me up for 10 minutes.

That's what people are going to take. Just looking at my hand. They say goodnight. How come? We say goodnight to each other. You waved me off, I think. I did wave you off. I was like.

I reached for the goodnight fist bump and you waved me off. I can't do it. I was so. I was just so disgusted. I sat there alone. Not even paying attention to the TV. I didn't have my phone on me. My computer was closed just for like 10 minutes, just getting over it.

That's what people do when they see their dog get run over. I know. It hurt me less than my last several breakups combined. And those hurt. I was just in no shape. I was in no shape. Which is weird because you're at the gym every goddamn day. In shape. Nominated for Emmys.

So you were in Portland for the weekend. Anyone can see you anytime soon? I'll be in San Francisco at a wedding tomorrow. I'm going. Oh, yeah, you are going. Good. Come to Boise on the... Boise.

Whatever that Thursday is, the 27th, I think. I'm headlining at Liquid Laughs. I'll be there all week, but if you're going to come see me, do that, because I'll be doing a longer set. I won't be featuring. I'll be headlining. So on Thursday, I think the 27th, get a ticket. They sell 40s at that club.

So you know what? Get a ticket. I'll buy you a 40. Oh. The first three people, I'll buy them 40s. We should get you... They should have a code. All fantasy everything code, they say.

Give me a fucking 40, dude. If you come up and say shaklakity. Yeah, come up to me and say shaklakity, and I'll buy you a 40. The first three people that do that. Get a 40 out of it. That's a pretty good deal. That's a good deal. You gotta buy a ticket, but they're like five bucks.

Yeah. Three scumbags just got plans. Yeah. Three single men. Three dudes, all I heard was free 40. Yeah, exactly. That's 120 right there on the table 120 on the table a lot of ounces dude

if you say shakalakity three times one person you get all three 40s I live my life 40 ounces at a time three 40s not only do we have Sean Jordan in the house we also have Andrew Machan here debut all fantasy ever first timer happy to be here in the house. We also have Andrew Michon here. Hello. Debut All Fantasy Everest. Big boy crew.

Happy to be here. At Andrew Michon on Twitter. It's M-I-C-H-A-A-N. It's kind of confusing. There it is. It's on Twitter and Instagram. Jump on there. Cross platform. Pinterest. Pinterest. No, I don't. I'm not. Jswipe. Yeah, I'm on that. What's Jswipe?

Jswipe is Jewish Tinder. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. They don't tell us Irish people about that. No, no, no, no, no. It says right on there, no Irish. They don't want us gumming up the works with all our potatoes and... No.

The potato better be shredded and cooked into a latke. Yeah, yeah. Or stuffed into a knish. Andrew and I run Good Looks together here in Los Angeles. Fantastic show. And OG Portland there. Yeah. I lived in Portland for a long time, went to college there, and I knew all you guys.

Yeah, Ian and I started around a similar time when there was no shows in town and we were doing shows together. You had the first good show. I had the first good show in town. Yeah. And now here we all are. And Andrew currently is still an active good skateboarder. Sometimes, yeah.

Which is such a treat. Yeah, I've kind of traded it for surfing a little bit, but I do still skateboard. You want me to throw the fucking microphone out the window? That's awesome. I want nothing more than to be able to surf. I thought you could. I've only been doing it one year, and I'm getting decent at it. It's the hardest.

So on one of these beach days that we talk about, because we talk about it. Oh yeah, we go on beach days. Come to the beach with us. I'd love to. Get me up on a surfboard. I could get you up, yeah. And I don't have any upper body. I don't either. I'm newly jacked, okay? So it's all new for me. Andrew didn't come in

with a shirt. It looks like a shirt. Like one of those shirts you get from Spencer's that's a perfect body? We thought he was wearing one of those. Well, they modeled that off me, actually. No, I've only been surfing for a year. And, you know, I'm getting decent. I go out, you know, a couple times a week.

And I get up, you know, many, many times and ride waves. God, that sounds kind of impossible. It's not impossible. It's not impossible. It's probably way easier on your body than skateboarding, right? Yeah, it is. It's very low impact. I don't know.

Your muscles are sore. I mean, even the time I've tried to. Your muscles bounce back. Your joints don't bounce back. No, your muscles are just being exercised. It's really low impact. I don't know. Your muscles are sore. Your muscles bounce back. Your joints don't bounce back. No, your muscles are just being exercised. It's really low impact. You do not get hurt. I mean, you can like hit your head or something. My friend Andy, we were in Costa Rica and he comes back to the villa and he had a deep

gash in his head and he had that kind of like brain snot where it's, you know how somebody, it's like, so that that's not, that's like hanging down where you're like, if somebody wasn't concussed, they would wipe that off their chin okay yeah yeah yeah that this like deep where you're like dude you're out of it because otherwise you'd wipe that disgusting shit off your chin yeah and it was it was from like deep in his nose that's why i call it brain stuff like way up there and he's like i don't need to go to the hospital right and we're like you look like you're dead dude like yeah so we went to this town in Hakko and he said there was blood on the pillow that they gave,

they like lay on the pillow, there was blood on it. They gave him a washcloth, there was blood on that. He's like, well, I guess just do what you're going to do. I got to get it stitched.

Like I said, low impact. It's a low impact sport. Safe. I would, yeah, I would love to go surfing. It's fun.

Oh my God. I know a guy who teaches, he's a comedian, he teaches surf lessons. Well, you, I'd be fun with like a friend because I, yeah, come out. Yeah, let's fun oh my god I know a guy who teaches he's a comedian he teaches surf lessons well you it'd be fun with like a friend yeah come out

that would be the fun part because I feel like what's a you know what's someone going to tell me that you couldn't motion surfs right yeah

yeah we're going tomorrow are you really yeah it's warm morning like 6am it'd be chilly huh 6 or 7

LAX oh really I'll be in LA when do you need to go to LAX let's definitely talk about this on the podcast I'll be in El Segundo I need to go to LAX let's definitely talk about this on the podcast I'll be in El Segundo well I mean

since we're talking about upper body I was just gonna army crawl there from Glendale oh wow that's cool I was gonna have a picture of Margot Robbie

like a carrot in front of me the whole time army crawling but yeah that's dope do you have anything coming up to promote

no I mean I do my show with you twice a month every first and third Wednesday at UCB Franklin. I don't know. I'm not I have no road dates in the near future. Yeah. I'm kind of down to stay here. I was traveling a lot in the fall.

Yeah. And I could plug those dates. I was in San Diego. Have seen that. At the La Jolla Comedy Store. Okay. You're a time traveler but you can only go back like a week and a half. Right. Only for for stand up comedy shows yeah make sure to have seen that

that's awesome alright yeah that's about it for me as far as dates meaning zero hell yeah but we're gonna get some line

hell yeah but dude if you're in LA ever or ever have been definitely come see Good Looks it's awesome.

It's a UCB. It's always full of fucking fun people. That's what I like about it. Yeah, we always have fun lineups. Rory Scovel's going to do the next one. He just confirmed today. Oh, that's fantastic. Mr. Leading Man himself.

That's insane. I'm so interested to see that. I'm going to watch it this weekend. That's insane. So happy for him. I saw it get dinged a couple times today. I know. I've seen some dings.

Yeah. But nobody in Boise better ding it. I feel pretty, by the way. Yeah, Rory Scovel. The upcoming Amy Schumer joint. Yeah. I know. I've seen some dings. Yeah. But nobody in Boise better ding it. We're talking about I Feel Pretty, by the way. Yeah. The upcoming Amy Schumer joint. The upcoming Amy Schumer joint. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

I'm interested to see it. I am too. Yeah. Well, even at that, we don't need to judge it. Yeah. We don't need to judge it. Interested. Yeah.

Speaking of prejudice, Zach... Oh! You're coming at me! Oh! Hey! Hey! It's hot in here! Your goddamn broken fridge.

Oh, yeah. Our fridge was broken, Toscani. Well, who was that? Because I saw your name spelled wrong on it, though, on the receipt. Sean Jordan. That motherfucker. Oh, yeah. Zach probably corrected and spelled it wrong because you're spiteful like that.

You know what his name was? John Jordan. What? Zach. Was it Mike? Yeah. A couple of Zachs. He walked up and he was like, Zach?

And I was like, how the fuck does he know my name? Yeah. up and he was like, Zach? And I was like, how the fuck does he know my name? And then I was like, Zach? And he was like, what? He was like, my name is Zach. And he's like, my name is also Zach. And then you guys went to shake hands, but your bongs shattered that you both had in each other's hands because you were too stoned to figure out the other bongs. We kissed and Glendale kind of disappeared. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just were everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Was he a Glendalian? He seemed to be a local. Nice. Yeah. Fred got fixed, man. Sean likes to solicit the mom and pops. Why wouldn't you?

Hey, we celebrate the neighborhood. Absolutely. You tell me it's going to be 45 flat for a visit. That's what's getting you to the crib. Fred got fixed today? Yeah. Cool. Yesterday.

Yesterday. Hey, was it Armenian Genocide Day the other day? Was it? Well, I saw someone. A lot of flags. I saw some flags in? Yeah. Cool. Yesterday. Yesterday. Hey, was it Armenian Genocide Day the other day? Was it? Well, I saw someone. A lot of flags. I saw some flags in a car. I just wasn't sure. There's like a month that it's.

Oh, it's a whole month? Yeah, I see a pretty solid. It's hard to tell in Glendale because those flags are up a lot. Yeah. Some people have them year round. When they do have the big parade, it shuts down like La Brea or one of those big streets. Yeah, but they don't do that in Glendale. They do it in like a little K-Town or something, right?

Yeah, yeah. You want to hear a short, interesting Glendale kind of Armenian story? Yes. I think it's interesting. I think the listeners will love it. So, you know Phil's Coffee? Do you know it? Yeah, yeah.

It's like a coffee chain from San Francisco. Yeah, the one on Brand. Right on Brand in Colorado. Yeah, there's one on Brand in Colorado. So, it's a coffee chain. Our friend Moshe, who we mentioned earlier, I was with him at the coffee place, and he loves the specific blend that he gets in the Bay Area. Whenever he goes to Phil's, he's from there.

And it's the Turkish blend. It's his favorite coffee of anywhere in the world. He loves the Turkish blend. It's not going to go well. Well, this is where it gets interesting. He goes to the Phil's Coffee near the Glendale Galleria. Sure. And he's looking on the menu, and he's thinking, where's the Turkish blend?

There's no Turkish blend on this menu. That's buck. So he goes to the person. He said, hey, I usually order the Turkish blend. What's going on? And they're like, oh, yeah, at this location, we call it the dream blend. Oh, wow. Or the heavenly blend.

Yeah. Because enough Armenians had complained that they didn't want to see the word Turkish or turkey in a coffee shop. I get it. Because the Armenian genocide. I get it, too. It is interesting because it. Because the Armenian genocide. I get it too. It is interesting because it's still the same coffee. It's just called something else.

So it's like putting a bandaid on it. In the style of. Well, they're still called French fries, but hard press me to order them and not say Freedom Press. Sean's a hard line Freedom Press guy. You can put me in both chicken wings. It's still going to be, give me some Freedom Press. Yeah.

It's just, I wonder how many people complained, you know, like what was the limit where they were like, okay. A lot I bet. A lot. I bet it was like a constant stream of- Maybe like a day of like shit. For those listeners who don't know, there was an Armenian genocide committed by Turkish people and it's kind of hasn't been recognized by history.

Well, the Turkish, they've never taken responsibility for it. Yeah, it's very bizarre and unfortunate. It's like if Germany was like- well, we didn't do it. No, like us, maybe some people died. We had nothing to do with it. The shaggy defense. Yeah, it wasn't me. It wasn't me.

Anyway, that's my Turkish story. That's very interesting. When I moved to LA, my uncle bought me, so him and his partner went to Turkey for like a couple months. And they got one of these like, I can't remember what kind – like magic eye or something. There are these like blue pieces of glass that are like kind of like a dollar coin size and they're supposed to be like – Oh, I know those. They have the eye on it. Superstitious, like it's good luck or whatever.

And for a while when I moved to LA, I was like, oh, maybe I should just like hang this up in my car. I don't really believe in that stuff, but it's just like something to hang on your mirror. And then luckily I didn't do that because when I moved to Glendale I was like, oh, they would be completely justified in like beating the shit out of that car. Which is funny because it would like bring you the exact opposite

of what it's intended. Very bad luck. Thanks, Uncle Peter. Shout out to the Armenian community of Glendale for taking taking us three white boys in oh yeah yeah man

we appreciate it I give yeah I give it my I give it my best to like be being important dude somebody put the fucking trash on the lawn today

they put the garbage cans on the lawn it drives me bonkers who fucking takes the garbage cans out the street and be like those go on the lawn not an Armenian

no no it's some fucking yeah it's just some asshole it's a Turk yeah young Turk absolutely a Turk go on the lawn. Not an Armenian. No. No, it's some fucking, yeah, it's just some asshole. Yeah. Young Turk. Absolutely a Turk. It's Enos Kanter of the New York Knicks.

Trying to think if I know even a second. Hedo Turkoglu. His Turkoglu just shows up and does it. I only know Turkish NBA players. Dracula, maybe.

Yeah. Oh, no, that's Transylvania, man. Vladimir Dracula? Well, the Vladimir... Dracula. Vladimir Impaler was Transylvania, right? Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, Zach. Maybe that's a personalvania man Vladimir Dracula well the Vladimir Dracula Vlad the Impaler was Transylvania right oh really

yeah okay yeah Zach maybe that's a personal bias you fucking idiot well I've been you know Zach hates Dracula

that's the personal bias speaking of Zach hates Dracula add Zach Toscani on Twitter add Zach hates Dracula on Dracula.com Zach hates Dracula.com Dracula dude Dracula oh shit thatcom. Zach hates Dracula.com. Zacula, dude. Zacula.

Zacula. Oh, shit. That's why he hates Dracula. Zacula. CountZacula. CountZacula. Because you were CountZacula when you were nine on Halloween and you can't get over it. Yeah, it traumatized him.

Dude, I was... Will you be CountZacula this Halloween? For three years in a row, I wanted to be Michael Jordan. Yeah. For three years in a row, I wanted to be Michael Jordan. Yeah. And my mom was like, well, there's some obvious we can't do paint. You're a little shorter.

So she made me Michael Jordan Dracula. So I had Dracula paint on and then just the Michael Jordan uniform. Okay. Huh. A good workaround. Can we call that Zacula? Can that be Zacula? Sure. I just want you to be Zacula this year.

I just love the whole, I love, I celebrate the whole Zacula movement. Yeah. I'm pro-Zacula. Yeah, pro-Zacula. Pro, I take pro-Zacula. I get pro-Zacula. I take pro-Zacula, yeah. I get depressed, a lot of pro-Zacula in there.

It's a thing that you take and it makes him more into the Zacula thing. It has a weird effect. We all have to, yeah. We all have to take it and it comes in the form of weed for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, call me whatever. What do you have coming up?

Any viral tweets planned? Young Muscle Beach. Fuck you, bro. Young Muscle Beach. Fuck you, dude. Young 50,000 over there. Fuck you. You're not on the podcast anymore.

You're not. Any viral tweets planned? Like on this, when the last one drops, it would be funny if you're just like, well, all of your followers didn't listen,

so you're never doing the podcast again. We didn't see a 50,000 listener spike in the episode. You know, Portland was actually really fun,

except for that Qdoba I got kicked out of because a stranger brought your name up to me and then I broke his nose and so they kicked me out of that Qdoba. No.

Oh, okay. He would never beat a Qdoba. I didn't get kicked out. I broke his nose giving the fucking burrito. No, but then a stranger would bring up Zach and a Qdoba. No. Oh, okay. He would never beat a Qdoba. No, I didn't get kicked out. I broke his nose. Give me the fucking burrito. No, but Dennis Strange will bring up Zach in a Qdoba. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Obviously, that's the part I want. Yeah, yeah. I didn't think you punched a guy. I was doing a bit. You're not Zach as a kid. I was doing a bit because then I was going to be like, no, you know, I still got the burrito.

No, I took the Grandwings classes. I get it. Sean wasn't with his girlfriend. He was taking improv classes on the side So now he has this new confidence I get bits Listen I'm going to go to I.O. West I'll be back in a minute

No you aren't It's closed I'll be back in a while then I'm going to go reopen it Somebody that we did the escape room with A couple people that I never met Brought that up They're like hey

So Zach Because I forget why we're talking But they're like Is that the shrimp fried rice guy? And I go, it is the shrimp fried rice guy. It was tight. It was my escape room. Zacula. The escape room.

What would it take? How much, like, to when you bring a girl back, and you would just have to say you did it, I believe. Okay, sure, sure. And if you were just like, how would you like to go back to Count Zacula's lair? In Glensylvania. In Glensylvania.

Yes. Trust me, I sleep in dirt. I will pay for the whole date if you promise to do it at the end of it. I will pay for dinner and a movie. No boo do it at the end of it. There we go. I will pay for dinner and a movie. No boo. No boo, no boo, no boo.

Absolutely. Dude, what girl wouldn't laugh at that? That'd be so funny. Yeah. Most of them? I would. All? The lift they had order just previously shows up.

Yeah. All right. I am ready to leave in glensylvania uh anything anything to promote um portland lookout late august maybe i'm headlining helium on a wednesday there it is wait are you or maybe are you oh i think it's it it hasn't been announced yet but just look out it'll happen just look out I'll actually be doing a show right across the street

at the same time oh wow I was actually thinking about recording the album right across town that same night maybe you'll be there maybe you won't

maybe Shane's gonna fly in for it maybe he's not free right free tickets actually I'm gonna I'm gonna pay everyone I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna make people

across the street just like donate money for things and I'm gonna pay them Andrew's bringing back comedyies okay for one show. Yeah, I want to do one show. And we're going to give a bunch of free 40s. Yeah.

To every person. Funches is flying up. Yeah. I'm going to do it. It's going to be awesome. We're finally going to do Fat White Friend, Fat Black Friend. Yeah. Dude, the shins are going to be there.

The shins. My shins. Decemberists are going to do a thing. That guy that stole those planes or whatever and lived in the Northwest for a while. I remember that guy. I get the reference. But definitely check out Zach's show. It's going to be good, I think.

Well, it's under construction now. So we'll see. So it's under construction. Are you thinking of changing the date? Because we're all also thinking. We're all very fluid, actually. We're pretty flexible. Yeah, I'm not married to anything.

I'm just down for whatever. I just quit comedy. You guys are like, yeah, yeah, we'll also quit. What are you doing? What's the next move for you? You're a podiatrist now? We're in podiatry. We actually love

working on feet in a sort of a doctor way sort of a doctor ass way just a doctor ass just doing doctor shit dude oh yeah we love feet doctoring yeah

yeah we love that sign in LA oh I lost steam oh I know it you know the one though I get it it's on Silver Lake

the happy foot sad foot look it up folks it's in an Elliot Smith song do it it's a sensation it is a sensation speaking of sensations sensational host

Ian Carmel there he is that Ian Carmel there's the guy there he is I was wondering Ian Carmel on Instagram I have nothing to promote

listen to all fantasy everything I will have been in Austin last weekend I'm sure it went well. Thank you for coming. What I got? Nothing else, really. I'm going to London.

Wow. Sick. For work? For work. I'm actually going twice. We go for a week and film a bunch of stuff. And then we fly back and we're here for two weeks. And then we fly back for another week to do the shows.

Are you doing any comedy there? I'm going to try to. So if you're an All Fantasy Everything fan in London, look out. I think I'm going to be doing some stand-up and I think Nate Fernald might be doing some stand-up. You should hit up Aisling. Did you hit up her? I will hit up Aisling. That's a good idea. Yeah, I need to hit up Aisling B. Yeah, so that's kind of it. The Netflix special should be dropping sometime this summer or in the fall. And by special, I mean 15 minutes. But it's a very special 15 minutes.

The most special. It's a minute. I feel weird about it because I always used to get a little annoyed, which is this is so petty. But when people's half hour will be coming out, they're like, yeah, my comedy. No, I'm not. Not Shane. Not Shane. This was way back when they'd be like yeah my specials

coming out on comedy so i mean it's a half hour yeah so that looks like you did a couple conan specials didn't you i did two yeah those are good two very brief those are good i did the meltdown special oh that's good i'm currently begging at the door for a special yeah yeah well i'd love a special i'd be a special it'd be special it'd be so fun to get a special, you know? If there's any special bookers out there, you know? Let's book Ian and Shane a little more. You know what I mean? Ooh, a special thing.

Yeah, a special thing. Yeah, shout out special thing. Album recording in Portland, by the way, for one of us. Maybe coming together? I mean, it's coming together. We just got to get a date at Mississippi. Just don't do it while I'm in Europe. You know, that's the only... I have all the dates written down. I'm going to email them tonight, and I'm going to's coming together. We just got to get a date at Mississippi. Just don't do it while I'm in Europe. Although, you know, that's the only.

I have all the dates written down. I'm going to email him tonight and I'm going to double check. We're all going to be there. Figs. Dates. You know we're all going to be there. Yeah, yeah. Across the street.

Doing our own show. Doing your own show. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, we're gathered here today in beautiful downtown Los Angeles, California. The HeadGum Studios. Oh, shit. Just an eyelash off of Skid Row.. Just an eyelash off of Skid Row.

Just a red eyelash off of Skid Row. Bathing in the glow of Super Producer Marissa. There she is. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. We've gathered here today to draft things that glow confidence boosters. Yeah. Which I love this topic. This one.

Yeah. It's so original and cool. It's so cool. I saw that it was kind of a confidence boost at work to see that just to see it look how much fun i get to have after work a little pep in the step yeah yeah uh now we determine the order of the draft with a rollicking game of rock paper scissors y'all did play between the three of you and we throw on shoot so here we go rock paper scissor shoot done oh sean jordan wins it's just because he throws the unique one. Done. It's multi-player. Oh, is that how it is?

You both threw rock and he had the one that wasn't a double up. Oh, I'm not familiar with these rules and I'm actually going to leave. Oh, okay. So Andrew's gone. That's not a confidence booster. I feel pretty terrible. Confidence bummer. No, I'm glad you won. You have to be used right now.

This is breeding a good vibe. Andrew just goes, I'm glad you won. These are going to have to be used right now. This is breeding a good vibe. Andrew just goes, I'm glad you won. This is a good vibes-ass topic right here. No, it's good. Last week was, or two weeks ago, was fucking fight songs. Really? I've been listening to the playlist since then, too. I have, too.

It's been encouraging poor habits in my driving. But Sean, you've won the draft, so you're going to determine the order of the draft. Before you do that, I'd love to remind you that this is a serpentine draft. Sure. Yeah. So what does that mean? Oh, great question. Actually, I'm pretty stoked that you asked.

So let's say you dropped in on a half pipe. You're on a skateboard. You drop in on the half pipe. Andrew can follow this. You go over to one side. You just do a fat Indy nose bone. And then you come back to the other side. You do a to one side, you just do a fat Indy Noah's bone. Yep. Okay. And then you come back to the other side,

you do a 540 method that you could eat dinner off. Say what? And then you go back to the other side, you do a nightmare air. Oh, yeah. Then you go back to this side,

you do a frontside, tailside big spin, which I don't even know if anyone's ever done. And then you just kind of keep going back and forth. Right. Doing tricks,

sort of like a serpentine, like a snake goes sort of back and then forth. A couple over here, yackety, yackety, yackety. And back over here. Basically what it means is you do if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.

Sure. Something like that. So you do two in a row, basically. Yeah, if you pick fourth. I play a lot of board games and a lot of them have this mechanic. Do they really? It's a very standard draft mechanic in board games. I didn't know that. Skateboard games.

Skateboard games. I haven't met skateboard games yet. Skateboard games. Skateboard games. I didn't mention skateboard games. Sean, skateboard games for you. So what will the order of this draft be, Sean Jordan? Let's go, I'll go first. Oh. Then we'll have Andrew second. Oh.

And then Zach third, Ian fourth. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. I was going to make you go first, Andrew, but I didn't want to do that because you've never done it. So I don't want to be a dickhead. So with the first pick of the All Fantasy Everything Confidence Boosters Draft, Sean Jordan, you have the first pick.

You're on the clock. No. Now, I don't want to be crass. Oh, please don't. A lot of adults listening to this, I don't want to sound like a sinner or anything. Don't. Don't. Sex. Oh. Having sex. having sex having sex having sex is a huge nothing little about it it's a huge confidence boost yeah and it's uh

just one of those things like makes you feel great and i'm not saying like i that's why i'm trying not to sound like a scumbag but it's just one of those things where you're like cool that's kind of the point of everything i do of what i wear and like why i want to make money and then like and i just did it so what do i need you do have your will you have sex with me shirt on so i can tell that's why green grand teton it's wild that you're wearing a shirt at all honestly i mean i feel like that would have been a more clear message this isn't a shirt this is a grand tetons tattoo that I got. Oh, the Grand Tetons. I shaved my chest. I got laser chest hair removal. And I have a Grand Tetons tattoo. And then green body tattoo.

You got green. That's cool. You don't call it sex. You call it summiting. That's the thing. I summited the relationship. You're at base camp. You want to settle down.

Acclimate. It is. Now, I do have to say that I think sex would be a confidence boost in theory because I'm not married yet. Right. And I don't want to burn in hell. You've never had sex. Yeah, yeah.

But from what I gather, Basic Instinct and Wild Things movies such as Sliver. This is Basic Instinct. That's the one they get. Sex does look fun according to that movie. If a virgin had watched Basic Instinct and just assumed that's what sex was, holy shit. It's a gambit, though. It's a real, it's mostly high reward, but the risk. You can leave sex sometimes.

I've had sex and then afterwards felt terrible about myself. Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's why yours is a bad pick. Yeah. And you're dumb. That's why you lose the draft.

You leave and you're in perdition. Yeah. Oh, well, I'm the harbinger of a good. One of those names, the two hot sauces. Two hot sauces that we got last week. That we got last week. The harbinger of a good high is sex. Yeah.

What was it? Soothsayer hot sauce? What was it? I forget. What's it called? I feel like a jerk now. Oh, God damn it. But harbinger.

Sorry. And perdition. So we got some hot sauces sent to us. Oh, right. David took one of them. So I forget the name of that one. But the other two that were sent were Harbinger and Perdition. Wow.

And they fucking, they do the trick. Yeah. They'll get you there. They're really, really good. And Perdition is basically hell, right? So it's like if you were like, hey, do you want to put some hell? Are they too hot? No.

Well, we tried Harbinger and it was great. Okay. Yeah. It's like good sex for your tongue, you know? Just really, just really good. are they too hot no well we tried harbinger and it was great okay yeah it's like good sex for your tongue you know just really it's really good

what did you put it on uh wings okay I was I do this thing where I'll put hot sauce on wings that are already flavored

right which is overkill yeah and pretty much it is soothsayer huh it is soothsayer look at that

playboy playboy it's that haircut man you got the hair out of yours now you can you can yeah you didn't have hair in yours I was kidding I don't know why I said that I'm lashing out

Whoa He stopped the improv Wow Sex You didn't have sex and regain your footing Let me get in here real close Sex Without getting too crude

Don't you dare What's you go blue what's your ideal time for like this kind of sex is it starting the day oh no i don't like i don't like day sex i like uh you don't like day sex i don't like morning or day sex but i'll tell you what morning sex just because i get i'm such a fucking baby but like if I feel like I'm gross like I do in the morning if I have bad breath or whatever but like sometimes like if it's on, it's on. And that's great. Like if you just wake up and you're like, oh shit, it's on. Then yeah, that's

the best. Oh damn. That's awesome. Then your whole day is just kind of set and you're like I mean that was so, what a good way to wake up. A lot of fragment sentences and incomplete thoughts. And when you're like, oh damn damn, dude. And your pants are like, huh? You know, and when she's there, it's like, what?

And it's on. I'm trying to appeal to the middle school crowd. Spoken like a true sex crazed lunatic. I'm trying to speak in what I think emojis would sound like if they would talk. You sound like the radio edit of a Biggie song. what i think emojis would sound like if they would talk you sound like the radio edit of a biggie song girl if it's on it's on do you guys think biggie was here for a second that's the textbook but when i when i think of like confident sex i think of like one specific time where this girl, she just lived downtown and that's also where I worked.

And that's where you went. Yeah. No. You have morning sex. What? Sorry. But then you, because your alarm goes off and that's the alarm for where you live. So now you're like 30 minutes earlier on schedule.

You have sex and then you just walk right into work. Yeah. Whoa. Wow. That's pretty cool. That's awesome. And then you just make patents or whatever. Or whatever you did. Yeah. Whoa. I mean, that's pretty cool. And then you, and then you just make patents or whatever, whatever you did.

Yeah. Was that a shower? Do you shower? Uh, sometimes you shower there. Yeah. Sometimes you just go over in the morning or at night the night before. Uh,

well you're over there for the night. Yeah. And the next day, I'd be, I'd be kind of interesting. You bring a change of clothes early in the morning. You went there like six in the morning, showered up,

ready for work. Hey, I'm outside your building at 6 morning. Went there early. You went there at 6 in the morning, showered up, ready for work. Hey, I'm outside your building at 6am. I like that. With a briefcase for some reason. Yeah, that's good. We're both EMTs. We gotta get this done early. We've got a long shift. Yeah, sex. It's a confidence boost. I get it. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you definitely walk different,

for sure. Morning sex, Will. Morning sex if you have work that day is a crazy confidence booster. It's really not that much, it's not bad at work because you're like, not a big deal! Not a big deal! I had sex! Hey, Jeremy, did you hear that? I had sex.

Not only did I hear it, I saw it written on my computer screen because you wrote it in shaving cream. The coffee machine isn't working, but you know what was working this morning? What? My penis. A little man latte. I think it might have worked 41 hours this week. You know what I mean?

I'd have to pay it some OT. Yeah, having sex. It will boost up the confidence. You said copy machine isn't working? Yeah, copy machine. A penis is kind of like a copy machine in a way because you're copying, making more humans. I don't know. There's something interesting there.

There's something there. There's something there. Put it on the board. We'll workshop it. It's not a huge laugh, but there's something there. Somebody's laughing a lot at that right now. Somebody's laughing. That's a rice vial.

That's a little rice vial somebody had. You know what that is? That's a joke that somebody gets to tell later like they didn't hear it on this podcast. Oh, that's going to happen. They're going to tell it to tell later like they didn't hear it on this podcast. That's going to happen. They're going to tell it at the bar like they thought of it. Please take it.

Knowing our scumbag listeners. They become CEO instantly. Tell them the joke. Twitter accounts and Instagram accounts just based on our little jokes. Someone at the bar will be like, oh, the copy machine was broken at work. And then they'll be like,

my copy machine, my dick, works. And they'll be like, okay. No, machine was broken at work. And then they'll be like, my copy machine, my dick, works. And they'll be like, okay. No, think about it. Think about it, though. Because each copy is just a little degraded. And I'm like, come on, let's be honest about children. They'll overhear it in the other room and burst in. Do we just talk about copy machines?

You don't say copy machines, my dick. You want copy machine. I'm out of breath. No, it's not broken. It works just fine, man. It works. Color copies, dude. Color copies.

Am I fired? Coffee machines, I guess, aren't really like a dick. Very different. My bad. There's not a bunch of different flavors. My dick's like a Keurig in that it fits in one of those tiny little... The area where you put it. Use it and throw it away.

And then you leave all bummed out, turtled up, like everybody throws me away. It's wasteful. I tried to crack a joke with a mouthful of fruit snacks. I don't know why I did. It was the first time I grabbed the mic. I was laughing so hard. So having sex, first pick. Andrew Michon, your first pick in Confidence Boosters.

Okay. This one may seem a little self-serving but i think we can all agree with this we're all performers yes oh yeah getting recognized in public yeah it is like it seems like really lame to say that but it is because i think for all of us it probably doesn't happen that much i think if it happened every day you're like tom cruise obviously your life you can't lead in a normal way. Then it becomes a prison. Yeah, because we can all lead our lives normally, and every once in a while, someone will recognize you. It feels great.

It is the dopest. It's the best. Every time I go back to Portland, it's just like a battery recharge. I'm sure. I went, I took a, it was a first date with this girl who lived in LA, but she worked up in Portland sometimes. So our first date was up in Portland. And we went to Ava Jeans. And we walked in.

And the guy was like, I was hoping it was you. Because it said Ian Carmel. And I was hoping it was you, the Ian Carmel. Man, you're so great. And this girl's standing right next to me. And then they brought us to the table. And then the server recognized me. Oh, my God.

I don't even know if she liked me that much, but we dated for about eight months off of that. Oh, dude. Just the built-up pressure from that. He must be, it must be coming. Whatever all these people like. It's gotta be right around the bend. That happened to me at Olympia Provisions.

And by the way, this was years ago. So it was like so remote, this possibility. Before you went viral? Yeah. Okay. Interesting. That was only a month ago. I'm kidding.

Before you went viral. You can't even go into Mendocino. Yeah. Let alone a Chinese food restaurant. Jesus. No, anyway. But yeah, someone just, like it was like the chef. And because it's all kind of open, like an open kitchen like that, they were just sending over stuff. And I was like, I didn't order this. kind of open like an open kitchen like that they were just sending over stuff and i was like i didn't order this and they're like well no they

recognize you and the girl was like jesus christ and i was like i honestly i think maybe it's you is it you yeah i mean the first couple times yeah it is a real mind mind but it is kind of a mind well because it's like you think you know it's not you don't you don't it doesn't blow your head up you're just like wow somebody actually gives a fuck right like i was in i was in line this happened to my voice i was in line at the honey hole in seattle i was ordering the buford tea strange which is what i get at the honey hole i'm hearing all sorts of words what's the honey hole Sean, you picked. The Honey Hole. Barry, Barry Derrison. Barry Derrison. Hebe, Hebe.

What's the Honey Hole? So it's a sandwich shop in Seattle. Oh, okay, okay. And the Buford T. Strange is their roast beef au jus. Both of them sound like sex. Yeah. Got myself some Buford T. Strange last week. Took it straight to the Honey Hole.

Yeah, somebody recognized me, went home, got some Buford T. Strange. It was a young lady named Buford tea. So I was ordering the sandwich and this guy behind me goes, are you Sean Jordan? I go, how the fuck do you know that? He's kind of smiling. You were mad at him. From a podcast. Well, I was smiling.

I was like, that's crazy, dude. From this podcast? From Doug Love's movies. Oh, cool, cool. I was like, man, that's so cool when somebody, yeah, it'll- Like they take the time to remember your face or your voice i mean it's like me if i see a skateboarder walking on the street like sean malto could be walking on the street nobody's gonna give a shit i would run

up on him like he was john lennon or something oh from here oh yeah from a distance this dude mikey taylor he's a professional skateboarder he was in portland one time walking down 23rd in northwest and street league was the day before and i saw him i was behind him i was like oh shit This dude, Mikey Taylor, he's a professional skateboarder. He was in Portland one time walking down 23rd in Northwest. And Street League was the day before. And I saw him. I was behind him. I was like, oh, shit. And I come up and I was like, dude, this is fucking crazy.

And he looks at me and goes, what's crazy? And he kind of put his hands up. And I was like, oh, you're Mikey Taylor. I'm Sean. I just, I'm a huge fan. He's like, okay. I just scared the shit out of him. This is crazy.

Yeah. It's just fun. Dude, there is. him. This is crazy. Yeah, it's just fun. Yeah, it's so tight. Okay, long story short, the last time I was in Portland, this dude, I was opening for Shane, but this dude showed up like three hours before the first show started. And he was like waiting outside. He was this guy that had been following me since I had this music blog in college. What? You went to college?

People just recognize you in Portland. you went to college people just recognize you before the new college guy right damn dude you went to was he like weird and stuff no no he was super cool but he was like this musician who had all these like health problems so for a while he was reading the i would do like i would post music illegally um but then also you badass motherfucker um but yeah he would read the reviews and then just was following me on facebook and then he lived in portland oh wow but he had too many health problems when i was living there and it was just great where you're like you were a fan from me like before i even knew that i could have fans or right right right 10 years before i started doing comedy. Yeah, it's a trip for sure. That is a trip.

We got recognized when we sat courtside. Remember that? Oh, really? From some dude like we were sitting like, AFU listener, shout out to you if you're still listening. They were like a few rows back in just the game we happened to be sitting courtside. Dude. So we got to go like take pictures with these guys who were super nice.

But like then everyone around us was like, who the fuck? You know, I feel that way living in LA sometimes because I think all of us look like we could be, and especially in a place like the Roost where you walk in and it's dark. I feel like people look at me like, is that? No, it's definitely not. Whoever the fuck they think that I might be. And that is not a confidence booster. Is that Tyrese? No, that's not a confidence is that tyree no that's not

obviously that's morris chestnut yeah and then i go next i'm sean i'm not i'm neither which cast member of the wood is that or is that bokeem woodbine which is um yeah getting recognized is dope yeah yeah it's fun i hope I hope to have it happen time and again. It will. Time and again for all of us. That's my wish for all of us. Also, sometimes you get free shit out of it, like you were saying. I've gotten so many free sandwiches out of getting recognized.

Oh, dude. I mean, this is where the voices come in, but like all the hot sauce. Give me a little hot sauce if we can get over here. Oh, please. Yeah. It's killer. Oh, yeah. Soothsayer hot sauce, by the way.

Oh, yeah. Soothsayer. Shout out. Shout out. Shout out. Getting recognized. Excellent pick. hot sauce, by the way. Oh, yeah. Soothsayer. Shout out. Shout out. Getting recognized. Excellent pick. Zachary Taylor Toscani.

It is time for your first pick. ZTT. Yep. I'm going to go with one, and this is going to be close to you, Ian, especially today. Just like me. Fuck. God damn it. Getting a haircut.

Getting a haircut. God, fuck. Getting a haircut. There is a feeling. It's funny how it took you a second. I knew right away. Getting a haircut provides you... There's nothing else that when you leave

you just feel so... You're just like, I am exactly who I want to be right now. Someone took about an hour and they're like, I want to make you look dope, dude. You look dope. I'm going to take your fucking wig. I'm going to make it look dope dude you look dope i'm gonna take your fucking wig i'm gonna make it look dope the wheeze is over here dude i'm gonna take your wig i'm gonna make it well like the whole process too of like just kind of having someone like for like 45 minutes kind of massage your head touch your head talk to you yeah or not talk to you kind of depend depend on what you want to me

not talk to you know like whatever you want but they like, if you go to a good one, they, like, really know how to do it. And they treat you right. You get a little, you get, like, pampered. Yeah. Oh, if you get, like, the shampoo and the wet towel or the hot wet towel. Oh, yeah. Maybe they put a couple hot stones on you. Oh, yeah.

Hand job, just a full release hand job. Yeah, hand job, full release. Well, well, well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, well, well. That's out of my pay grade. They whisper little things in your ear, just like, you're going to show, you'll show them all.

Yeah, yeah. You know? You're going to nail it. They don't even know what you're doing. They're just like, you're going to fucking nail it. Yeah, you're getting the haircut in the car and halfway through, they're like, by the way, you get to keep this car. That would be-

All those nice things. That would be buck. A mobile haircut? Has that ever happened to anyone in this room? A haircut on the go? No way. No. No way.

Not ever. Not ever. So when I worked for Coca-Cola, I got a haircut on the job and they didn't notice. That was like a level of like, wow, they are really not paying attention. I know someone who worked on Twin Peaks, the new season. David Lynch gets a haircut every day. Really?

On set. Every single day. And he's into like, all that spiritual... What are they cutting? TM. I don't know. He's also not on camera. I mean And he's into like all that spiritual. What are they cutting? TM. I don't know. He's also not on camera. I mean, he's also just not a part of the show. Maybe it's just a vibe thing. Maybe he's into it.

See, here's the thing. So I always like, especially if you wait a long time to get a haircut, like if you get a really transformational, like you grow it out for a long time and then get a cut short or whatever. Oh, a queer haircut. Yeah.

Hopefully what Shane's about to get one of these days. Oh yeah. God, we would pay, all of us would pay so much money to see Shane. If I put it, if there was a Kickstarter, yeah, I'm doing it on the highest tier.

Oh man. I thought you were going to say that dude that waited outside of Shane's show for three hours was like a diehard locks for love fan. And he was just like begging Shane for the hair. It's going to be good for you. It's going to be good for the community. Listen, you're the goose goose I'm the gander okay

I got a haircut today that's why you bring it up yeah he cut the fuck out of it he like faded it and everything and then it looks great

he like I don't know what he did but he combed it in such a way that it's straight now he fucking straight up combed the Jew out of it it's not curly at all it's like tousled

yeah it's tousled I told him I'm like you cut this haircut's so good you cut the Jew out of my hair It's not curly at all. It's like tousled. Yeah, it's tousled. I told him, I'm like, this haircut's so good, you cut the Jew out of my hair. He called it the Anne Frank. He's Jewish, too. We're both Jews. Well, you goddamn better be. We're both Jews.

Jews. It was fucking great. Yeah. Amazing haircut. It will really... You feel like a different person for two or three days. It has this kind of long-lasting effect. Oh, yeah. I feel like a different person for like two or three days. It has this kind of long-lasting effect. Oh, yeah. I still like my haircut three weeks ago.

There's no hangover period. You feel good and then you just transition back into life. For me, actually, the best confidence is a week after. I feel better a week after. Yeah, when it's set a little bit. For me, it's not so confidence-boosting. I feel like it's a little too short. See, I like going in the shower and it's like, especially if you get the sides short. It feels good.

Yeah, it feels good. It feels good. You feel the wind. But's like, especially if you get the sides short. Well, it feels good. Yeah, it feels good. It feels good. You feel the wind. But I think when you grow into it, then I think you're feeling real good. There's also the effect where it's like, I think you're right, because they'll style it a little bit when you get your hair cut, and you're like, never will I be able to capture this again. They think my shit needs to go up like two inches whenever I leave, but they just have

it as high as it'll go. I'm like, that ain't what it's going to be like. It's doing that on its own right now. You got to go with that. I'm like, that ain't what it's going to be like. It's doing that on its own right now. You got to go with that. I'm telling you. No. You think in confines that don't exist. You didn't think you were going to do it on the sides.

The sides looks good. I'm going to go shorter next time. Ian took me for my first big boy haircut where they'd get the clippers out and fade it up. Ian didn't even stay. It was a big boy haircut. Ian dropped me off. He goes, now you find your own way home.

I sat there and read a magazine like a hot mom. While this girl talked to me like a fucking fifth grader. Really? Yeah. I go, can you just like. Was it because you said big boy haircut? And I go, cut the gum out of my hair and give me a big boy haircut. Give me some chocolate fucking milk.

And I definitely have lice. And you requested the dinosaur seat too. Which was a weird choice. cut the gum out of my hair and give me a big boy haircut. Give me some chocolate fucking milk, I said. And I definitely have lice. You requested the dinosaur seat, too. That was a weird choice. Put me in a booster seat. Meow. I have ukus. What's ukus?

That's some Hawaiian shit. That's just what they call lice, right? Oh, really? Doesn't that sound way bucker? Ukus in me payload? Tango ukus? It's Shane's album which is

him Shane's b-sides dude the uku's Shane's b-sides c-sides double b-sides yeah anyway

I told her to get the clippers out long story short she's like so at the end of the haircut she goes and what what clipper number are you I go four

and she goes that's gonna make everyone's job a lot easier next time I was like lady what you're still getting a $10 tip. Did you tell mommy?

No, mommy didn't tell mom. No, I didn't tell mom. Oh, man. No, I told mom when we were well out of there. Mommy would have had some work. You would have gone crazy. It's still a customer service job. Of course it is.

I work in customer service. I mean, even stand-up's kind of customer service, but I work in on-the-phone customer service. You got to be nice. Customer service. Yeah. Customer service, dog. All right. It's time for my customer service. You gotta be nice. Customer service, dog. Alright, it's time for my first pick. Let's hear it.

And with my first pick, I guess I'm gonna fuck, I wanted a haircut one. But I'm gonna pick getting a new outfit. Ooh, yes. That you know works. Nothing's been washed yet, so it hasn't faded.

Or if it's been washed once or it hasn't like faded or if it's been what it's been washed like once or whatever yeah you have it exactly where you want it exactly where you want it pants fit right everything goes together it's right everything goes together everything smells good like like obviously all my clothes smell good all the time but like the but they got that new clothes smell yeah oh i fucking love it i mean that goes in a way that you can never crease it again. Right, yeah, exactly. You can never get it back there.

Sometimes I'll just walk through a hallway at work wearing a new outfit just strike some poses, some J.C. Penney catalog poses. You like to go full new outfit,

like top and bottom? Yeah. I mean, if you're going to get the drugs, do them all, you know. That is what they say. They do say that. And then they die, but they say that. They say say that right before i can name a lot of comedians that say that yeah true yeah yeah

especially here in la but uh no it is sick when everything's on point it's kind of like school clothes it kind of goes back to that like i'm gonna fucking boss up maybe a new accessory too like a belt or something like oh my god i went went like to, when I go back to Portland, because there's no sales tax, I'll always try to like pick up a couple of pieces. And I got this like $200 sweatshirt that just like felt so good and it's black, but like it's never been washed. Yeah. So it was like that true black kind of thing.

Threw that on and just was like feeling myself. Yeah. Well, and then there's that part where like i dropped a couple bucks on this i'm gonna walk around as such you heard him call it a piece or a sweater it's a piece you don't get a piece that's when you know it's serious it's a fucking piece you never ask the question hey does the piece go in the dryer you don't get that that question is gonna ask twice for me too too, it's an especially fraught pursuit because I'm right on that 2XL range. And some brands, their 2XL fits me perfectly.

Some, it's a little bit snug. It's a little bit tight. It's a little hard to get it. It's a little bit. It's not going to go. It's not going to go. So it's like a little bit. Then you're just like, I'm going to wear it on button.

It looks great. Yeah. I'm just not going to go. I'm just not going to go. So it's like a little bit. Then you're just like, I'm going to wear it on button. It looks great. Yeah. So when you find one, and it's such a swing, because all, you'll, trying on clothes is

frustrating for anyone. Yeah. But if you're in there and you brought like five shirts into the dressing room and like four of them didn't fit. And you're just like, fuck bodies. Fuck Nordstrom. Fuck cotton. Fuck polyester.

You know, all that shit. And then like you put one on that fits and it like, fuck bodies. Fuck Nordstrom. Fuck cotton. Fuck polyester. You know, all that shit. And then you put one on that fits, and it just fits right. It's just like, woo. Just a wild swing to the other direction. Yeah, you're like the mask after that. You're just like a tornado past the cash register. I'll be wearing it out, and then you just fucking zip through. Well, even amongst labels, the sizing isn't always the same,

where you're like, this is the same label I always get. Why do they buy things online? I can't. I've never really bought.'ll buy shoes online it's about it i've shopped at that eight when i was getting ready for my netflix special that asos 50 it's only 15 minutes guys but uh i went on asos which is like that british brand i buy stuff from there yeah great like all the stuff looked amazing and i ordered i was like just to be safe i'llX, 3X, and 4X out of it. And I'm like, just to be safe. Right. And they sent it.

And I tried all the shirts on, and they all fit the same, which was to say not at all. But they fit not at all in the same way. Where I would get the buttons right to the same spot every time. I'm like, where's the difference in the sizes? It was wild. Yeah. It's like the sizes are just like all the sizes they care about and then like big. Yeah.

And then just put a different number. Yeah. If your site has international like metrics, I'm just going, well, I'm going to look at

what a medium would be numbers wise. But like none of them that's why I got the 4X. Right. Because they're probably thinking like if he's so lazy that he let himself

get to 2X, he's going to be too lazy to send any of this back. And they were right. Really? Yeah, well, I haven't sent any of it back. I will, maybe. It did look good on Button, though. Right.

Those were the shirts that just looked good. I wear a lot of Button Up shirts on Button. Yeah. I like the look. Well, their stuff is usually pretty cheap, too, right? Oh, yeah. For the most part. So you're like, ah.

Like, I bought shirts from that same website. Yeah. And it was like, all right, that was $15, I guess. Right, so what's the loss? Well, it's $15. Interesting that they were all the same, though. It was weird. Yeah. Yeah, that's a bummer.

It did suck. I'm going to stop wearing my clothes from them in solidarity. Thank you. I'm going to stop. Mission accomplished. Andrew, where are you going to drop those clothes off? I'm going to burn them. Me too. Can I are you going to drop those clothes off? I'm going to burn them. Me too.

Can I have the ashes? You can get warm by the fire. You can make some marshmallows out of it. I'll let you do that. Two X and then you feel my pain. Fucking treacherous motherfucker. All right. So new outfit.

That's going to be my first pick. And I'll sign for my second pick as it is a serpentine. Sure. And I'm going to put something that kind of harkens back to our podcast two weeks ago. Just hearing a dank song. Yeah, yeah. Just like the right song where it'll just like kick you up a few notches, you know, and like it just completely elevates your mood.

It's like a little confidence booster for me. Yep. Like if, you know, if like you're about to go do standup or something like that, you have your mix, you're like, let me hear this song. It's usually upbeat. For me at least, it's got like, it's got like a fast beat. It's like a peppy song, a happy song. You know, Rosa Parks by Outkast, that one will completely boost my confidence.

So yeah, I'm picking. I'm extremely into that. Whenever I want to get like real boost up I'll just listen to mixes of like Haunted House Kind of soundtracks And then you'll just start punching people Happy Halloween Not that way

I'm Count Zacula Yeah, no man, I mean a song can do wonders for you oh i mean it yeah we were just talking the other day like there's certain songs that i will not listen to if i'm on my way to work because i'm like i it'll get me too stoked yeah and then i'll have to walk into work and just be like fuck i'm at work and then i'll be double bummed emails i'm like too susceptible to the power of music yeah because like if i hear if i'm in a good mood but i hear a sad song it'll pull me right down right and powerful and vice versa i can't trust my phone on shuffle oh god because if i'm in a grocery store it's wild where i'm like

this section this section yeah i don't i don't know where i'm going am i gonna eat healthy or is it just all ice cream oh yeah yeah yeah i feel you what's uh i'm trying to think of a song that like there's been songs that have been so good they've like made me call off work sick and just be like i'm just gonna have a me day oh yeah okay there's this some of us work in entertainment the most important industry in the world where we can't call in six that's what we want to you know what song popped into my head and i'll be honest when you said that it was breathe by fabulous that's the song that popped right into my head and I'll be honest, when you said that, it was Breathe by Fabulous. Really? That's the song that popped right into my head when you were like,

the song that puts me in a good mood. Okay. It must. Alright, yeah. Because for some reason it popped right in. That's your Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. It took over the Great Malinko, which is always on the forefront of my mind. It's constantly, it's playing on a loop in your brain by the Wacky Circus Gang. By the way, since somebody said Zakioligan,

will somebody please draw a picture of their rendition of Count Zacula? Oh, Count Zacula! And Glen Sylvania, that could be the background There's a lot of artists that listen so I'd love all those So if Dracula drinks blood, what does Zacula eat or drink?

Protein shakes, dude. Retweets, bro Retweets? Retweets? You face on retweets. So you're like stocked up for the next year. I want to access your followers. Oh, that got Jewish there at the end. I'm sorry.

Very offended. How dare you? How dare you? I'm just picturing Blades staring at his phone like, I can't go anywhere until this gets retweeted. I can't go to that broad daylight outside. I can't go anywhere until this gets retweeted. I can't go to that broad daylight outside. I can't go to that rave. Damn it by Blink-182. That'll get me.

That'll pick me right up. It's usually like some corny songs. Since I Left You by the Avalanches will get me there. Oh, that's a good one. Which one is that? It's like a it's just heavily sampled, but it's like disco-y. We've watched the video in the domicile a few times. Is it that boy needs therapy?

That one? Same band, but that's a different song. Well, that song gets me going. I like that song. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Avalanches are good. Yeah. I have a mouthful of fruit snacks again.

They just keep reappearing in your mouth. I don't know what happened. They're just respawning. I'm now reproducing fruit snacks. You Make My Dreams Come True by All In Oats. That's one that'll get me fucking pepping and stepping. they're just respawning now reproducing you make my dreams come true by uh that's one that'll get me fucking and stefan

yeah i got me in a good mood just now where the canopy is the flame Boop-a-depp-a-da-bep-o. Boop-a-da-bep-o. Boop-a-boop-a-da-bep-o. Man, how about it's going to sing that song the way you talk about sex? You know, like if you're there and like it's on, but like then you look and you're like,

dog, what? Like they know. Over there. Like the whole time it's like fully at it. Toothbrush, no. We're doing like how faith. The flame is at the candle. Ian was just saying that and his hands were doing how Faith No More

would rap where they'd be like where they'd do like that get it and their fingers are all crinkled up what is it

what is it it's it what is it ma'am you wanted it this is part of the podcast where I have to sing

for a while Ian right now has long jean shorts on. Long jean shorts. And a Vision Streetwear shirt. They're not their jean longs, to be honest. Vision Streetwear that's crumpled up on the floor because he's no longer wearing it. That's right.

Fish pissing on your face from the outside of the door. I drove here wearing a body glove outfit, but I'm not currently wearing a body glove outfit. Zacula, it's time for your second question. I'm awake. awake oh what is it you have woken me from my sleep I found to make a pig people are going to love this character I hear the giggles over there

we got a Marissa giggle Zacula's getting them a lot over there it's going to be big in the north shout out to the north I will gladly do shows in Toronto I'm rooting for the one toronto now that the portland trailblazers have ceased to exist as a organization same color scheme fucking pricks um makes things easier i'm going to go with teaching yourself something okay yeah

i like it it could be something small could be something big, but it's always rewarding. Like I find like if there's like a Saturday where I've let everything pile up throughout the week, like just things that I, responsibilities that I need to do or things where just kind of ancillary things that make me happy where I just couldn't do them throughout the week. Right. I always like to start off like,

okay, I know. Dickhead. Keep going. I'm sorry. Learn to start off like, okay, that's hilarious. I know. Dickhead. Keep going, I'm sorry. Learn that on Twitter. Well, they send you documents.

Tells you how you got to be. When you say a Saturday where you didn't accomplish anything, do you mean like you didn't get, go viral or anything like in the last couple of days? Oh God. That's right.

That's right. You thought it was heaven, but it was hell this whole time. No, we're actually wearing long sleeves for the next like week there's gonna be

some marks on there some hate marks oh man no Super Bowl champions followed me today crumb continue sorry um

thank you Andrew um no but like just doing like one one even small little win where it's like okay I'm gonna figure out how to get that shit off my windshield. Oh, yeah.

That's a very specific one. What was on your windshield? Please do that. Oh, God, yeah. It was when I was – so I was in – So he killed a guy. Do you know they have blood? Dracula knows all about the blood.

All the leftover blood I didn't drink was on my windshield. I don't care for plasma. The vipers wipe my windows. But anyway, I was out of LA for two weeks and I parked it near a family's place by the airport. But there was this tree that was infected with aphids, which are these really tiny bugs. And they secrete this milk and it completely covered my car. And water won't get rid of it. You have to use, like, 91% pure alcohol to clean it off.

So Zach just had me sweat over it a little bit. It's alcohol. It's on the windshield? It was on the doors, on the handles. Can you see well? It was like, no. Like, when I was driving home, it was like my head was, I was doing, like, the Ace Ventura at the handles. Can you see well? It was like, no, you, like when I was driving home, it was like, my head was,

I was doing like the Ace Ventura at the end. Are you serious? Head out the window. It was gnarly, dude. From El Segundo to Glendale. And it was raining that day. What? Hope would help, but it didn't.

Yeah. But it just was like. It's like, what color is it? It's like a brownie clear. Weird. It was like there was honey all over his car. Yeah. Because I didn't believe him.

And I looked at it, I was like, damn. It was all over the whole car. Like when you open the door, it would be like, you had to like break the seal of the- So when you first saw it, what did you think it was? Well, they, so my family- Those teens. Must have. Who were always messing with them.

The El Segundo Anarchy Crew. Someone poured perdition all over my car. Oh, boy. They hate kids. But yeah, it was, dude, it was crazy. It took me like maybe a total of three weeks to get it all off of my car. But what did you think it was? Did you have a thing?

No. Well, I got texted the day of, like when I was flying in, they were like, hey, your car is covered in like aphid stuff, so it might take a while to clean off. And I was like, okay. You're like, I was flying in they were like hey your car is covered in like aphid stuff so it might take a while to clean off and I was like I know what that means that would be such a fucking mystery to me don't hang your car's board in aphid milk don't freak out

you're like yum I might think it was a good thing until I got to my car good you're telling people at the airport like dude aphid milk all over my car dude I'm so stuck I'm so happy to be home I'm so thirsty

I didn't even fly back early aphid milk I don't even remember meeting aphid I don't know how they knew that was the name of my band in high school but they did somehow

that's your Apex twin cover band aphid milk but yeah it was so when I got there, it just... I couldn't... I had to drive home like that. There was no way. I mean, I was like trying to scratch it with my fingernails.

It wasn't coming off. Wow. Yeah. Wow. So teaching yourself how to sort of get rid of that. Teaching myself, yeah, yeah, yeah. More like tennis, but just going through the steps of like... What, did you play tennis?

Teaching my... I taught myself how to play. I never... You played tennis? I didn't... Oh, play. You played- no, you played tennis? I didn't- Oh, yeah. You're a tennis man? A tennis man?

Yeah. Alfred Lord Tennisman? Tennis visited everything. I was wondering why there were 60 tennis rackets next to your door. That answers that question. I never even talked about it. And the tennis racket shaped me or that appeared in the living room? It's there.

It is. I love it. It's a real piece. Yeah. I call it a piece. No, I like that teaching- It's a piece. It's a piece. is. I love it. It's a real piece. I like that teaching. It's a piece. That, my hoodie. I'm trying to think of something that I taught myself. I remember when I, because I thought of one, whereas I, you know, because the synapses,

they fire fast. Yeah, you're just banging on it. We've been writing for TV all day. Not made for an Emmy. One that I thought of, when I finally taught myself how to tie a tie, after a decade of struggles, and it just clicked once and it's just like and now i can do it first time every time and now when you see people that can't tie a tie you're like what are you an idiot yeah exactly i'm like you fucking asshole never gonna

help them they gotta figure it out themselves it's true though it really is having other people help didn't help no no i mean that's how like it's so weird when people are around kids and they're like oh well clearly i'll just be the one to tell them their problem. And I'm like, you don't think that, like, people have to learn everything themselves. You can't just tell them, like, well, here's what you got to do when you grow up. Miam. Yep. Miam.

Goddamn. Miam. Yeah. Good story, Zach. Come at me. Great pick. Andrew Michon, time for your second pick. Okay.

This is something that is a particular thing for me, but it happens to me a lot and I always feel good whenever it happens, which is when I drop something and I catch it before it hits the ground. Oh! Yes! What a great pick! That is nuts, dude. It happens to me a lot. I don't know if it happens to other people as much as it happens

to me, but multiple times a week I will drop something and grab it with the other hand, or sometimes, I don't even understand I will drop something and grab it with the other hand, or sometimes, I don't even understand how this is possible, grab it with the hand I dropped it with, and somehow it's faster than the object falling, and that feels really good. It's amazing. That shit happens when you're like,

maybe there's more to me than I thought. Exactly. Who are you? Did I do that? Exactly. You can bit row a radioactive subloss that. Yeah. You look at your hand, you go, quit hiding in there. Come out.

It is a crazy look into your, where you're like, how fast your brain actually works if you're not getting in its way. Yes, because you're not even aware that anything happened until it's in your hand again. Yeah.

And you're like, that was a journey I wasn't sure I was going on. Right, and it's something as insignificant as like a cell phone will throw your brain into that kind of mode.

Yes. I gotta save it. Oh, man. And when other people see it, kind of mode. Yes. I got to save it. Oh, man. And when other people see it, everyone recognizes it. Yes. You know what I mean? It's one of those universal like, hell yeah. Yeah.

People are like, fuck yeah, dude. It gives everyone else confidence. Yeah. I'll like drop, you know, something in the shower, like, you know, like a razor blade or, you know, like, you know, shaming. Whoa. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Like just anything.

And then it just feels so good when you catch it i'll do that like with coffee at the desk and i'll like move my hand over almost knock it over and they're like oh shit yeah yeah zero to six you're just like whoa i was so bummed for a second yeah then you're like no dude here it is my coffee intact i wonder because i used to skateboard a lot like we were saying i wonder if my reflexes are faster from that and i'm just good at catching stuff because i almost never drop stuff and have it actually hit the ground yeah yeah god there's been yeah there were times skating where like you like you try to ollie up on a rail or something and then you just end up walking down the handrail yeah yeah yeah you're like how the fuck did that happen yeah i should have had a

cracked cracked skull that shit does amaze me like we'll watch skateboarding so and the way people like get out of those falls sometimes just like i could now i would just be a sack of i mean i would go straight to the ground now but back in the day there's some instinct kicks in where you're like well don't you don't want to hit your head so you just get out of it like a cat yeah yeah is it weird when like i mean this is i mean like one step away from that but like back when i snowboarded sometimes you'd get into like a tricky situation yeah and things would like slow down and your brain would be like just chill out yeah and figure this out just don't panic but it happens okay it's slow but it's also but it's also fast but like feel slow it's weird yeah is that

compared to tennis i've never dropped anything so i've never needed to catch it except a couple of names about who retweeted you. I saw you drop a dope story on Twitter about a week ago and some 50,000 other people. All right. All right.

There's more to Zach than just that one tweet. There's the Zachula thing. There's more to me than success. There's the Zachula thing. Which is definitely what I've been known for

this whole time. There's the Apen milk. The Apen milk. That's the aphid milk. That stuff happens to me, sure. I get retweeted by everyone, but also aphid milk. There's also aphid milk. Aphid milk. Yeah. That could be your next thing. Your next big story. Oh yeah, so

David wants Cuddy Sark. Sean wants any kind of well whiskey. I'll take aphid blood. Okay, cool. Or aphid milk. Either one. Ladybugs drink that. Yeah, they do.

They do. Oh. There it is. Well, there we go. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business. That's my business.

That's my business Oh, it's all part of the scheme. Who wants bats? Zachy Bats. Oh, Zachy Bats, dude. You don't want him showing up. Ooh, boom bats. Zachy Bats doesn't show up until about three in the morning at parties. Yeah. What's Zachy Bats? I don't know. Oh, okay. Zach's alter ego.

Do you guys live together? I feel like there are inside jokes. There are. Some of them are. And sometimes I have to figure out if it's being created now or if there's a history. If it is an inside joke,

I will make a hand motion to you. Okay, good, good. God, you're flipping me off right now. If Andrew just jumped in. That's the hand motion. That's one of the inside jokes. That's not very inviting. I'm sorry, this is the inside joke, but the middle finger is an inside joke.

Ian and Andrew are actually grabbing each other's mics and speaking into the opposite mic right now. It's a weird power move that we're both losing at. It's not even being recorded, this part of the cover. We're just screaming at each other so loud that it's echoing off the planets and you're hearing it in your earbuds. That's beef. I don't know. Yeah, that's beef. What is beef?

Dropping something and catching it is dope. That's another one where if you... It's like the sex thing where if it goes wrong, though... It's the exact opposite. It goes from a normal drop to a catastrophic drop. Yeah, yeah.

Nate Craig has a joke a while back. I won't do the joke. But he said he was standing up peeing and he had his hand in his phone and he looked at it and just threw it in the toilet. Because it's something like he felt like he was going to drop it. And then he's like, I just threw it in the toilet. And that's the exact opposite where you're like, what the hell? Yeah, where your body just does a weird move. You're like, what was that?

Yeah, or like you try to catch something and end up just throwing it at the ground. You're like, I just broke that bottle. Dude, I would have these... In high school, I would have these weird like spasms where my leg would just kick out. And every once in a while, if it was like a tight desk, you would just... In the middle of class, like... Just a... One of those dreams where you're like, like, just a, yeah, just.

One of those dreams where you're like, am I on a bicycle? Is that a fucking sewer? Am I going to fall into the sewer? Will you take that step on the, okay. Yeah. The desk and everyone's looking at you already,

like they were watching you sleep. You're usually in for some good sleep though, if you're having those. Oh yeah. One other thing I remember just now that I do sometimes is, sometimes I'll drop something and then I'll put my foot out to stop the drop

so it doesn't hit the ground so it hits my foot. You guys do that ever? I've tried to, but it never, sometimes I'll drop something and then I'll put my foot out to stop the drop so it doesn't hit the ground so it hits my foot. You guys do that ever? I've tried to, but it never, sometimes I'll end up kicking it. That happens in the shower a lot.

Oh, I do it with my phone. If I don't want it to actually hit the ground because I think my foot is softer. Give it a soft landing. Yeah, but then sometimes it hurts your foot. You wear those big, thick

airwalk shoes. Yeah, I also wear those trampoline boots. You have Osiris. You have Osiris. I wear the Osiris ones. Oh, you got those old D3s. Yeah, I wear the D3s.

I also got the backpack with the speakers in it. The G-Box, dude. Yeah, I got that, too. That's like landing on a pillow. It's actually better than holding your phone. Those shoes were so ugly. It's crazy. Even at the time, I was like, this is what you're all doing?

I never bought any of those shoes. I had some big-ass shoes. I didn't have those. yeah they had the the g-pack or whatever that yeah yeah i had some thick vans but never the osiris is gone right it's not a brand new yeah they're gone yeah well shit i didn't have a friend with a backpack but i had a friend who had a backpack and then just put his computer speakers oh yeah that was the move i do you remember when i dropped the chinese food at the house the other day you Yes. You and David were there. I had like a big new Panda Express. I was just like, my fingers were twiddling.

I was like a guy. I was like wimpy in a cartoon. I'm like, oh, cheeseburgers. Like a rich person about to unwrap that last stamp for their collection. Right, exactly. Oh, you don't say. My entire life I have been looking for an upside down airplane stamp. And I finally found it.

Oh, no, a strong wind. It was like that fucking fun. It just like, I was so excited. And then it just like, I bumbled it. And I like thought I had it. And then it just fell all over my legs. Dude, his legs. You were wearing shorts.

I was wearing, of course. I mean, I was existing. It was such a bummer. And I ate most of it anyway. Some of it went under the couch. It was like chow mein, too. So it was real. Man, it was hard to watch.

The spaghetti of the Far East. In the same way that seeing someone catch it after dropping is cool. When you see someone drop it and it's like, you're just like, everyone feels a little tragic. Harry's like, oh, damn. Reach into my tragic bag. It's like everyone pours out a little of their lunch on the ground. Yep. Except you guys didn't.

Here's a chicken cube. Drop something to catch it. Sean Jordan, it's time for your second and your third picks. All right. My second pick is going to be sticking up for someone. Oh, yeah. And I'm thinking of a specific time i was in the airport and these dudes ran to the terminal and they missed their flight and it was not the person's

at the gate it was not their fault at all these guys just ran to the wrong gate because they were drunk idiots going to vegas yeah and they started screaming at this lady before you finish the story marissa can we put there goes my hero by foo fighters in the background of this all right cool i think that would really. Oh, what's something that builds my confidence? Saving our country. So I showed up in a button up and I had all the buttons buttoned, but then my chest swole up. A couple of them popped.

No, what's the real story? What's the real story? So I just walked up and they were screaming at this lady. And I had been waiting on standby and I walked up. I go, hey, you guys need to calm down. And I looked at her. I was like, I'm so sorry about that. And I looked at them and I go, it's your fault.

It's not her fault. This wasn't the gate. It hasn't been the gate. I've been here for an hour. You need to chill out. And they looked at me like, like, just like animals that you just rub poop in their face. They were just like, holy shit. And just walked away.

And then I got on the next flight. Wow. Oh, yeah, she hooked it up. Oh, man. Because she was like, thank you. And I go, you guys shouldn't be treated. It's crazy that people are so mean to you. And then on the next flight.

So some people would call that heroism. Some people would call that being a snitch. Well, I thought that was snitching. I don't know that's snitching. I just wanted to needlessly attack. He's just reacting because we were mean to him. We've been all over you about the Twitter thing. I get it.

You're angry. I'm lashing out. It's night time. This is my... Yeah. Dracula, what are you doing out? Let's say they were in the bar getting drunk and they called their names and they moseyed over a little bit later and the person was like, were you at the bar getting drunk? Because if so, you can't get on this flight.

And I walked up and I go, they were actually at the bar getting drunk. That's me being a snitch. No, that's a snitch. Yeah, I would never do that. We all know you can't fly drunk. Is that a rule? I don'titch. Now that's a snitch. Yeah, I would never do that. That's the exact opposite. And we all know you can't fly drunk. Right. Is that a rule? I don't know. Sean knows that better than anyone. Then I must have been dreaming the last few hundred flights, because they let you. Old Sean

will enjoy it. As long as you got a smile on your face, they're cool with it. Sticking up for someone does feel really good. I just like it. It makes you feel good. It feels like you're doing something right. You're putting some good out into the world, which we might get into those picks a little bit later in my draft. But that's definitely one where you just feel, you're just like, yeah, I did something right

for you're supposed to do that. And, you know, now that maybe this lady's job's a little easier for the day or something. I don't know. I remember Dirk Marshall, if he's listening we were driving we were driving to an improv show hell yeah and uh this was back long before the stand-up days but like we were driving by this dude who was like screaming at his girlfriend like she was on the phone and he was like trying to rip it like away from her kind of thing and like we stopped the car and just like got out and went out and started like shouting at it like you don't fucking do that you don't get to like

put your you know and he started yelling back and I threw him into a bush which was Ian's not here anymore he left it felt amazing it felt good to throw him into a bush

in hindsight like a year or two later I'm like well then I just left that's not good oh yeah he just took it out guess what

I'm gonna make him a little more angry and I'm gonna dip let's rattle this bees nest a little more he's and I'm going to dip. Let's rattle this bee's nest a little more. He's seen you. I know. In the retrospect, make sure you're conscious of when and where you're sticking up for people. Let's rattle this bee's nest a little more.

In a lot of ways, it feels like maybe I threw him into that bush for me and not for her. So in any situation, identify the bush and the yelling guy and figure out what's going on there. But yeah, sticking up for someone feels great. Yeah. I really enjoy it. Yeah. I mean, I was being unnecessarily mean, I guess. That's not stitching.

But I've definitely – there's been – I like Jersey Mike's if someone's waiting in line and they're like real curt with the people making their sandwich sandwich yeah i always want to just be like hey you think they want to be doing this you think they're like enjoying making you wait longer dude there's been a couple times where i'm just praying to god that i won't have to stick up for somebody where you just see someone fly it happened david and i were at taco bizzle one time and this dude was just on one flying off the handle and he kept going to the people working. He'd be like, can you just fucking make it how it looks on the fucking menu? Fuck. I'm sorry.

And he'd say that. He'd go, I'm fucking sorry. But Jesus Christ, it doesn't look a thing like that. And I want my fucking food. And he's like pacing, squirrely. That story's so wild to me because it's like, where do you think you are? Where have you eaten before? It's like the picture at whatever the nicest restaurant where there's pictures of the food

which I think is the Cheesecake Factory. Even at the Cheesecake Factory it doesn't look like the pictures. At Taco Bell? And that's not the kind of person I want to have

to be like, hey, be nice to her because they're fucking crazy. You take certain artistic liberties when you work at a restaurant. Come on. Sure.

Ideally, this is fettuccine Alfredo but I'm going to put my own spin on it. I mean, they only got so much to work with. What are they going to do? How are they going to make it look better? They're in the back, yeah, like painting it. What are they going to do? Sticking up for something. Great pick. Now what's the third pick, you fucking

dork? Hey, Ian. No, hey, Ian. Don't do that. Be nice to him. Andrew, you must feel great about yourself. I do. It was a layup, and, Ian. Don't do that. Be nice to him. Ian, you must feel great about yourself. I do. It was a layup. That must have been a real confidence boost there. Zach over here is just like, fuck you. You know what I get?

You know what I get my confidence from? Putting other people down. Bullying. Wow, jumping on top. That's funny. What's my next pick? Bullying, motherfuckers. Zach's over there putting a henna barbed wire tattoo on his forearm.

This is where I get my confidence from. The world industry is the fire and the water. So the next pick in my confidence boost. With the third pick, you made the earth sick. It's going to be a good room cleaning is going to be my third pick. That will pick me up. That will make me feel good about myself.

I will carry myself as somebody who sleeps in a clean space when i do that sure and i do it so little where you give it like a full-on big ass you punch it just go and punch the wall you piss all over the place a turp to bird them yeah just a just a good old shellacking just a phenomenal clean phenomenal clean job it just makes me feel great and then you get done you feel like you really did something we're doing the inside joke, Hans. Even that felt like an inside joke that I wasn't in on, but I was there.

That felt like something that you guys were in on. I had no idea. I was like, what the hell is going on? How does it feel? Not good. I thought I was having a stroke. How does it feel? I can hear ringing in my ears. That's an inside joke with me and D'Angelo.

Oh, nice. The story behind that is I was headlining, you know me. Wow. You know me, headlining a show. Wouldn't be a story without that. That's it. That's pretty much it. Nice.

I was at the Tacoma Comedy Club, and I was eating shit. No. No, no, no, no, no. You were doing well. These girls sucked. We all did well. Oh, yeah. Sean was there, too.

Yeah. There was a shitty table. You were doing well. These girls sucked. We all did well. Oh, yeah. Sean was there, too. Yeah. There was a shitty table who were, like, talking and talking back. I think one of them reacted weird to me mentioning I was Jewish. It was a bachelorette party. Yeah. Something like that. And so I went off on them, and they got escorted out of the premises. Right, right.

And you pick it up from here. Oh, yeah. So I did a guest set earlier. He didn't have me on the show. I did a guest set. You were getting there. It sounds like he had you on. Oh,, so I did a guest set earlier. He didn't have me on the show. I did a guest set. You were getting there. Sounds like he had you on. So, and I was walking out while Ian was still on stage. You had

maybe like 10 minutes left and they were just like they had gotten kicked out. So I went outside to like smoke weed or something and they were, one of them was out there and she saw me and she's like, oh my God. And then she was like, girls, girls. And then all these, the rest of the party just kind of showed up out of nowhere there and she saw me and she's like oh my god and then she was like girls and then all these the rest of the party just kind of showed up out of nowhere

and they were like wow you were awesome you were you were for nur minal like one was so drunk that she was like you were for nur minal top to beard I'm like a South Park yeah and then like and then would be like that headliner though what a what an asshole and they have no idea that we're like best friends what a Jew that hook nose

gobbler but you being a dick and jacking up our interest rates turbable he was turbable and I don't even think I. Turbable. He was turbable. And I don't even think I did that well. I think I was just in that sweet spot where they weren't drunk yet, so they're like,

that's a thing I remember. The Molly was just kicking it. No, they weren't Molly types. No, they weren't Molly types. Yeah, but a good cleaning, it can really feel good. It just transfers over into every other part of my day. It calms everything down. It really does. It just, yeah, transfers over into every other part of my day. It calms everything down. It really does.

Having like a nice chill, just the feeling of like the sheets being perfect. Like they're all tight. You didn't fucking wrangle them up in the night yet. It's like a twofold. When you leave,

like when you're done cleaning and you leave for the, whatever you're doing for the rest of the day and then when you come back home to go to sleep and you're like, oh, I love,

I love leaving for a trip with the house as clean as possible. It's a gift to yourself. It really is. It really is. It takes that like when you come home tired from a vacation. Oh, it's got to be clean. It'll stop.

It'll like stop. It's like killing a hangover by drinking enough water the night before or whatever. You know, it's like. Yep. Stop the problem before it starts. Yeah, I think keeping your room clean is important in general. I keep it clean, but it gets cluttered. I hear you. It's a big thing. Like the clothes just it starts. Yeah, I think keeping your room clean is important in general. I keep it clean, but it gets cluttered. I hear you.

It's a big thing like the clothes just build up. I think there's like a direct correlation between how depressed you are and how much stuff is on your bed that shouldn't be. You know what I mean? That's a great theory. If there are clothes or pieces of paper or whatever, that is a sign that you need some mental health.

As someone whose room is filthy right now, I 100% agree with that assessment. On this half, we keep clean laundry. On this half, the bed is dirty. And I'm going to sleep in between. I don't think I've seen a Boston market in five years, but there's a bag of the garbage from it right there under my pillow.

Ooh, and a carcass. Dude, we used to call Adam landfill because he had fucking chicken tender boxes in his rooms. I mean, it was crazy. He really had, and I probably did too back in the day, but like a clean pile and a dirty pile of clothes, but like a pile of fucking clothes in the basement. Chicken tender

heart hard. There it is. That's what you could say about Adam at that time. My mom used to get so mad because I would have in my room when i was a kid uh just a bunch of glasses of half-drained juice yeah with gum in them because i would dip my gum in the juice and like let it soak up juice stuff that was my whole thing i was like it adds like four more minutes to the flavor of gum okay doing that weird kid candy logic but yeah there would just be gross anyway

none of us are related i had a a flavored uh seltzer water and put gummy worms in the bottom of it oh just like a little gummy worm water i think i was influenced by skittle brow from the simpsons which we did once me and man pay what? And some other people. You know from Skittle Brow? It's a joke on The Simpsons. It's like they're selling it at a Pooh's or whatever. And it's like beer with Skittles in it. Or Homer makes it. I'm foggy on the details.

But we were like, all right, let's make our own Skittle Brow. So we got beer, Skittles. And we put the Skittles in the beer just to try it. You could probably taste it pretty hard, right? It was gross. It was so gross. This was before we discovered weed, so we would do some weird shit. Yeah.

You know, I got less weird on weed. Almost everyone I know did. Yeah. Everyone that has been a longtime weed smoker. Like, I did it when I was 13. Zach's eyes are wide open right now. When I did it when I was like 13, 14 And the bad way It sucks for me

But when I know adults that do it It just, like Smith, holy shit Calms him down, he'd be a nut bob A nut bob? I was gonna say a nut ball and a nut job Everyone else, we'll let you get away with it He was gonna be a nut bob I'm glad we didn't

I was gonna say nut ball or nut job And it ended up being a nut bob glad we didn't what is it yeah because i was gonna say nut ball or nut job nut job nut bob which is probably what he'd be because he should be fucking embarrassed right now yeah you're stupid i'm kind of embarrassed stupid wait yeah you are cool oh see yeah you're right thanks andrew no problem i appreciate that man i keep fucking sleeping yeah i keep like it's actually just staring at. Say another thing about weed. What do you know about weed, It's awesome. I know.

Weed's great. We tease. Andrew, it's time for your third pick. Okay. This is kind of similar to your sexual one. It's in the sexual realm. Sex.

Oh. Sex. I also draft sex. I take hard sex. I'm drafting 69. Nothing's better than walking into Sears after a fresh 69. Improving my home. Okay, so let's say you meet someone or you see someone who is in your friend group or something.

And you think that person's really cute and you kind of have a crush on them. And then you end up with them like months and months later. Just like that moment where you kind of trace it back to your first love. It's like completing a crush or something. I don't know if that's the right term. Yes, yes. And you think like, oh, if I had known then that this would happen, that is so interesting. The first time it happened for me, I was like in college and like it was like orientation.

And there was like one girl in particular. I was like, that girl is so beautiful. I came from a small town, so there weren't a lot of people in my town. So I didn't have a big group to choose from. So I went to college and I was like, oh, that girl in particular is really cute. And then like, you know, six months later, we like started dating.

And that was just like a really cool moment of like, wow, it's so interesting that like, it's completed that journey. Sure. You can like someone and then have it work out. Yeah, yeah. It's an amazing feeling. That's basically it, yeah.

But especially in college, it's definitely like, oh, we were just strangers. Right exactly you know i haven't known her since i was four from like i think it's particularly acute when it is a longer term thing when it's not like you meet a girl and you date her right away it's more like it's it builds you know he's a cute he's a nice he's a cute yeah yeah uh no but i know exactly what you mean yeah when there's some like it's a specific feeling. A couple moments leading up to it. I've had those that took place over years.

Exactly. I think the unsureness before it actually happens leads into it being better when it does. Because you're like, oh, is this person like me? Am I whatever? For some of us, maybe we're in the weird period of in between. That period where you forget about that person. And then it's like, oh, that could always be the case. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Like how I met your mom. I haven't actually. I haven't met his mom. And I would never. I would never meet your mother. I will never meet your mom.

She who spawns Dracula. I'm sorry, mom. You can i'm sorry mom you can't come over you can't come over to the house ian doesn't want to meet you yeah yeah god damn right i don't want to meet her someone back up my mom someone do the right thing sean your mom's amazing if i i can't wait to meet her i hope i get to meet her one of these days. Ian, I bet you'll love her when you meet her. I haven't loved in a decade. Cement running through my veins. No, for sure. Yeah, completing the crush is an amazing feeling.

Yeah. Yeah, thoroughly enjoy it. I'm trying to, because that was one that I was toying with today, but I couldn't quite think of one, but I mean, I know the feeling. I know it i know the feeling yeah it's specific yeah it's specific yeah nothing coming to mind only did like a year and a half in college so not a lot of time for sure well it's not just college it happens all the time yeah it also makes events in retrospect very cute yes exactly when you start dating them you know you

look back and you're like oh shit when we were at that party yeah you know and we both like kind of like uh whatever just shared a conversation or even just a brief moment. Yep. I remember, because your girlfriend now, I remember when you first started, like,

you were going to go on your first date with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were like, well, she's like, kind of been seeing this other guy, not for long.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's been on a couple dates with him. And I broke that up. I'm not really sure. It's not in my head. I'm going to swap it down. Yeah, me and my tumbo. But yeah, it was like a cool thing. It was a, yeah. That moment where you're like, not really sure. It's not in my house. Swap it down. Yeah, me and my tomba. But yeah,

it was like a cool thing. It was a, yeah. It was like a cool thing. At that moment where you're like, not really sure about it, everything's up in the air. Yeah,

it's interesting. Being in a long-term relationship, it's weird, but that, that unsureness is something you miss. Yeah. It's bizarre, because when you're in the moment,

you actually don't like it. You miss it a lot. You don't like, you don't, like, it's frustrating, but then when you, when it's normal,

I don't know, it's a weird thing to miss. Grass is always greener. When I was a kid, this is fucking insane. When I was younger, before I had my heart thrown through a wood chipper. This has never really happened, by the way. Wow. Yeah, I got a pig's heart right now.

On the same farm as a wood chipper? This girl ripped it out with her fucking claws, and she was going, Onam Shibai, Onam Shibai. So when that the temple before that happened though i'd see kids who like got broken up with and they'd be all sad and they'd be getting all the sympathy and i'm like that looks fucking awesome look at everyone's paying attention to them right that's crazy to think about like because now that it's happened i'm like well that's the worst thing we're also all a particular kind of person where we've gotten into

comedy where you go stand up and and just like like accept me accept me accept me yeah so there is like when you're first like trying when you're first like got a crush on someone you're figuring things out you like the hit of that acceptance the first time you like i don't convincing that it seems weird but you're like the first time you like convince someone to like accept you as like a romantic partner is such a strong hit of acceptance you know and like you miss you miss that later

in a relationship you almost have to teach yourself to appreciate these other things and they're worth it to do it but it is an education

yeah I agree and it's a feeling that you don't you know like at a certain age you're like I guess I don't ever

get that feeling again because you're with you know you're with you're with and you're like i guess i don't ever get that feeling again because you're with you know you're with yeah and you're like yeah so i guess that those feelings are done that yeah it's interesting it's not even like a sexual thing it's like it is an acceptance thing it is a like you said it is a convincing this person that you are worthy of whatever their thing is yes it's very specific spending time with me the worthiness of the sex when you're like when it's like okay we, we're going to have sex, that's almost a better feeling.

It's insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a different, better, maybe the wrong word, but like a different feeling. It's a more like, yeah, it's more like a psychological feeling than it's supposed to a physical one. Whenever that happens, you're just, because I mean, it's not like I think low of myself, but I don't have a ton of self-esteem when it comes to it. See, all day, all night.

That's what he does outside my room. Hey. Think back. There we go. I was holding out for six seconds. Hey, you don't treat him like that. There we go. You call him a dumb idiot.

You stupid. Whoa. What? Whoa, Zach's a double villain. Whoa. No, it's crazy though. You get that feeling of like, whoa, they like, you know, she likes me for me. I was about to do the same thing.

Not because. Whatever the lyrics are. You know, we get it. Yeah. As a girl flies. There it is. It'll be.

Zach to be love. Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach, Zach,

it's your pick. Okay. Do it. I'm going to say doing something that scares you. Zach, Zach, Zach, it's your pick. Okay. Do it. Do it. I'm going to say doing something that scares you. Sure. I love it.

I'm going to get a milkshake. That's way scarier than you think it is. Okay. That's not a joking matter. Sorry, sorry, sorry. But when I was a kid, I remember, oh God, I was such a prick as a kid and maybe still now, but I remember my parents would take me was a kid, I remember, oh, God, I was such a prick as a kid and maybe still now. But I remember my parents would take me to a restaurant that I had never been to before. And I would be so apprehensive, maybe not scared or just like unfamiliar.

And I was just like, I don't want to go here. This is stupid. Yeah. And then you eat the food and it's good and you have to do that thing where you're like, they're like, how was it? And you're like, pretty good. I mean, it was, I guess, if you want to come here tomorrow. But that feeling of like, oh, right. Just in high school, I remember like we went to this rock quarry to go jump off. You guys all played Russian Roulette at the top?

And it was like 90 foot cliffs into this bottomless water and so terrified. But once you did it that first time, you were just like, oh, this is all I want to do is just keep climbing up here it feels amazing doing this yeah and just like realize it's like that moment of realizing like oh i i am putting my constraints on myself that you feel like are not by your choosing but when you break through those you're like oh right why do i keep telling myself i can't do this or like yeah well this isn't who am. I can't just write a movie. But just try, maybe. I don't know. You must confront the wolf and defeat the wolf

to become the wolf. You know? Ian's eyes rolled back in his head for a second. All the lights turned off. Say what now? We did this big hike in Yosemite, the Half Dome hike, and at the end of it there's these that you have to go like up a mountain pretty much like the face of a mountain

it's not vertical but it fucking looks like it is and you have to there's like safety ropes you have to pull yourself up it's terrifying and i almost bailed like we did nine miles or something up and i was like no i'm not gonna do it everyone's like you what's the whole point you have to do it yeah and so you just i scampered up it real quick. And when I got to the top, I was just like, holy shit. You put Brock Lesnar in front of me, dude. Two South Dakota boys going at it. I'll take him on.

If you would have split into two people, one of you stayed and the other one went up. The other one who went up and came back would have been like, you're an idiot. And we shoved him off the mountain. Now the strong one. Now I'm like, you're an idiot. And we shoved him off the mountain. Now the strong one. Now I'm getting Laura. I did call her from the top and I was like, I called you and my mom and I'm on top of the world. Oh, wow.

Oh, my God. I would have paid so much money to hear that. You have to sleep somewhere else tonight. I would have paid so much money to hear you. I'm going to sleep on top of Half Dome tonight. Oh, you slept up there? No. Everyone at base camp, though, they're like, yeah, let's bring some shooters up.

And I'm like, are you fucking crazy? I want to get drunk when I'm like nine miles up in the air. No. We weren't nine miles up in the air. Right, right, right. We were in the atmosphere. I'm on the moon. We didn't climb a rope straight up for nine.

Yeah. You know, like the president fitness test. We just did that for nine miles. Yeah. I can see South Dakota from California. Big old bell. I think it's a Liberty bell up there.

Doing something that scares you is a good feeling. That's a good one. Yeah. Hell yeah. Uh, it's time for my third pick. I'm going to tell you that my fourth pick as it is, as it is,

as it is what it is. I'm going to pick catching yourself in the mirror. Yeah, dude. But it's that just right look where you're like, it's a good angle. Yeah. You're looking good. And you're like, ooh, who the fuck is that? And you put your hand by your mouth like Jamie Foxx would or something.

Absolutely. Oh, shit. I might do a fucking Birdman hand thing thing like you've ever talked to someone like that what do you want here at china express well i don't know i don't know right into it if you can't if you don't know what a birdman hand thing is oh marissa's gonna take a thing and post it you're rubbing lotion into your hands right now like rubbing lotion like what am i gonna get into thought and the jamie fox it's also also the Cold Stone Creamery hand motion where you're like, what am I going to have whipped into that ice cream? I know we've talked about this before, but do you ever look in the mirror and act like you're laughing at something?

Where you're just looking and you're like, oh, shit. Just to give yourself a smile. I'll give it several looks. I'll do the, oh, shit. I'll do the, did you just make eye contact from across the bar? Oh, me? Yeah. I'll do the, oh, shit. I'll do the, did you just make eye contact from across the bar? Oh, me? Yeah. I'll do the, who, me?

Yeah. And I'll do maybe the, hey, what's up, nod. You know what I mean? Yeah. Where you go to a party and someone's like, they're clearly going to want to talk to you, but you don't want to talk to them. Right. But you do want to acknowledge them.

So you're going to say, hey, what's up? Oh, yeah, yeah. But I'm over here. Yeah. No, I'm good. No, I'm over here, actually. But hey, what's up? Yeah, I live in this world.

This was on my list. You stole one of mine. Oh, shit. Yeah. But I'm over here. Yeah. No, I'm good. No, I'm over here, actually. Yeah, I live in this world. This was on my list. You stole one of mine. Oh, shit. Yeah. What? Which one? Nodding at someone? No, no, no.

Straight mirror. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Just walking past and being like, oh. Oh, when you catch it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. A lot of times. You might even throw it in reverse for thirst and take a look in the mirror again.

In the mirror to myself, I'll do the George McFly and I'll go, you get your damn hands off her and I'll just point at the mirror. Hey, you. You know what's interesting about this one, though? I agree with you on that. Yeah. But it also feels embarrassing if someone catches you doing it. Sure.

Takes you back down. But that's what's so weird is we all like it. I know. It's one of those things. But then we feel judged by other people. But I'm sure everyone likes doing it themselves. It's one of those weird things. Yeah.

It is one of those weird things. I don't know what the word is. It's like something that you do, but that everyone does, but everyone also judges too. Right. If I caught someone doing that, I'd be like,

you do look good. I'd say that because I'd be like, I don't want to get embarrassed. Well, you're a hero. Yeah, you're a hero. Because at work, like if you open the men's room, it's right to where the sinks are in the mirror.

Dude, it happens. So every time I'll be like washing my hands, and I'll be like, all right, all right. And then they open the mirror, and you're like, no, I've never looked at myself before ever

I don't what am I a person to me it's like hey listen if you get fucking caught you gotta Thelma and Louise that shit

you gotta press on the gas as fast as you can maybe you'll make the jump maybe not what I do if I'm caught in that situation

is I just I just kiss the mirror i kiss myself in the mirror just let them know i'm really feeling it that's the way to get out you walk out and you're like you're welcome oh shit you get to look at me too you know what i'm not even gonna charge you you. You're lucky. You're lucky. You're lucky. You're seeing this pro bono. And this is pro boner. Dog.

And this is. Sometimes we're sixth graders in here. This one. This is also one that gets magnified if you've had a couple of drinks. And we've talked about that before. Oh, yeah. You've had a couple of drinks. When you're in the pocket there.

And you're like. I'd fuck me. Just thinking like. Every girl that's ever looked at me and not wanted is crazy. Yeah. All right. Here, I'll take this one. Now, this one, we joke about, with my fourth pick, we joke about this a lot.

I haven't been in the rotation lately. But when you're in like a regular gym rotation. Right. Like working out, eating right maybe can be part of it. Of course. But just like on your P's and Q's, your Q's and P's. Mm-hmm. Benching. Yeah.

Deadlifting. Working the arms. Yeah. Leg day. Leg day. Leg day. I mean, you're only going one day. Yeah.

Once per day. Once per day. And you want to bump it up to like three times a day. Well, that's what I'm looking for. Yeah. Three times a day. I haven't been to the gym for a while, but like when you do, it's just like such a confidence booster, especially early in the day.

And then the rest of that day, you're just like, I already went to the gym. You know? Right. Yeah. It's like a fucking Navy SEAL commercial.

I've done more before 6 a.m. than you did all day. Exactly. That's why I like the surfing thing. I go at like, you know, 6 in the morning. Well, yeah.

I'm home by 10 a.m. And it's like, I've already done this activity that's physical. It's nature. It's fun. That's why I like living with Sean Jordan. By the time it's like, I've already done this activity that's physical. It's nature. It's fun. That's why I like living with Sean Jordan.

By the time he wakes up, I've already done everything I need to. Oh, nice. There it is. I'm just a lazy piece of fucking shit. Hey, now.

Don't talk to Sean like that. There we go. There we go. That's my friend. Yeah. It's almost like I'm training all of you to be natural helpers. This is just a guy's oh yeah

i like it yeah i already received that training you fucking idiot that's right shit oh fuck doesn't sound like you passed it uh yeah so get into a regular gym rotation yeah for sure i mean just working out like when i was running i'm in the same vein but i was running a lot and that'd be i'd wake up go running it's like we got to get you to come to the gym. Yeah, we do. I think it'd be fun. I think it's,

it's gotta happen. I, when I, when I mentioned it, you know, you like, you'll mention something around your significant other

and you can tell by like how enthused they are if they're deep down. I was like, yeah, Ian was bringing up going to the gym. Laura's like,

yeah, right. Like you ran around screaming. You should do that. And I'm like, Laura's like, yeah. Right? You should do that. You should do that. And I'm like, well, I fucking will. And now it's going to be out of spite. Now we're going to do it. Oh, that's how most of the good gym sessions are fueled. Oh, yeah. That's where you can

really use that fuel. Yeah. You know what I mean? Burn that. It's also nice to go, like, into the sauna right before you leave. That's called the executive. Yeah. We call the Jewish workout, the Jewish executive workout. If you want to trace the roots of that phrase. That's what we'd do. We'd go like when we were hung over in Sioux Falls, we'd go to the center and we'd tell everybody, yeah, we're going to go hit the fitness center. They'd be like, oh really? And we're like, steam room, therapy pool, sauna,

like nothing crazy, hot tub in there. I mean, I'll be dead lifting in the sauna room. Gonna go stand naked in the locker room for about 45 minutes. Watch a little CNN, maybe shoot like a couple free throws on the way out. Oh, dude, there was a guy at the gym in Portland I went to that he would watch TV in the locker room. Oh, naked, dude. People would do it naked in leather chairs. Leather chairs, naked. For multiple hours.

Like, I would come in, work out, and and leave and they would still be in that same place. Get the divorce, man. You know what I mean? Get the divorce. Get the divorce. For you and for her. That'd be so funny. You'd just put your hand on his naked shoulder

and be like, just sign the papers. For you and for her. For both of you. Oh, man. The best breakup I ever heard was a guy on the phone in the gym locker room. And it must have been like late december like 2017 or 2016 and the guy was just like i'm sorry babe i'm gonna have to leave you in 2016

i might call whoever i was dating that and say that i'm sorry i'm gonna have to leave you behind sorry because it feels so like i'm doing you a favor. Yeah. And you'll get over it. It's last year. That's cold-blooded. Well, the answer is the time. Yeah. And I have to do laundry and pack.

Let's move on to Zach Stiscani's fourth pick. All right. Fourth pick. I'm going to pick prepare and cooking a family meal. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, that'll do it. So this is one that, for me at least, I think of the ones that my mom made for my birthday or Oh. Yeah. Yeah, that'll do it. So this is one that like, for me at least, I think of the ones that like my mom made

for like my birthday or something. Yeah. Because if I'm- And she just had an extra pep in her step after that? She was like seem confident? Oh, after making it for me? Yeah. No, no, no.

I'm saying when I do it for myself now. Wait. Preparing and cooking a family meal for myself. But you think back to when your mom did it. Right. And he had said Right. Well that's the meal that I'm cooking. Was she making Swiss cheese? Because this story is full of holes. The recipe

the meal that I'm making is one that she made for me. Oh that harkens back. Yeah so that's what I mean by family meal. The name of the fourth hot sauce that we're going to get. Harkens. Sorry if that was unclear. Some of those meals where you sneak meatballs in and don't tell everyone. Don't put that on there.

You were the only person. That's not his fault. That is crazy. That's your fault. Where you sneak a bunch of meatballs into what I thought was marinara sauce, marinara soup, and then you sneak meatballs in there. Zach made fucking spaghetti and meatballs for us. Yeah.

It was delicious. It was delicious. The meatballs. Had people over, told everyone, hey, it's spaghetti and meatballs for us. Yeah. It was delicious. It was delicious. The meatballs. Had people over, told everyone, hey, it's spaghetti and meatballs. The meatballs did what meatballs do and sink to the bottom of the pan as they are a dense

and heavy meat product. And Sean didn't go deep. He just thought they might, he was like, well, the meatballs must have been diced up very finely and put into the sauce.

Meat sand. Meat sand. Meat sand. Yeah. Exactly. Or dusting. But yeah, so everyone ate

and then Sean was like, wait, where'd you get those meatballs? And we're like, what are you talking about? I go, he snuck meatballs into the marinara soup?

That sheisty Italian dickhead. But you did this on Instagram. You made like a pasta dish. I made a shrimp and zoodle zucchini dish. But anything like that. Zucchini noodle. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Not too quick on the uptake, but anything like that. A zucchini noodle. Oh. Yeah.

Not too quick on the uptake. It does feel good. It feels great. Oh, it feels great. And you eat it and it doesn't have that like heavy feeling you get with

Panda Express. With Panda Express. Which I'm definitely looking forward to. Me too. You mean it doesn't have the same feeling as like a can of Hormel

and nine tortillas? No. That's not where it's just, no? But just eating something that you're like, oh, I put this together. Somehow these idiot hands made something edible. A lot of these get back just to the concept of self-love. Yeah.

In a real way. In like spending some time on yourself and doing things where you're like an act of love directed towards yourself. It's true. It can really boost your confidence. And valuing and appreciate what you can do. Yeah. It's like cooking.

A lot of cooking for yourself yeah you ever taken a cooking class I haven't it's pretty fun my friend Chef Lance

at Sioux Falls yeah we took like three cooking classes it was a fucking blast I forgot about that it's fun till just now I'm glad I reminded you

it was fun I took one this weekend that's why I brought it up did you really I went to Joshua Tree was there like a dish yeah it was like well my girlfriend

and I have weird eating habits we're both vegan and stuff it's like uh well my girlfriend and i have weird eating habits we're both vegan and stuff and so it's not weird well we're also gluten-free we have our anyways so we have our specific things anyways there's this cooking class with this woman who cooks in that way and yeah we made this like really amazing like it was like a leak it was like a leak creamy sauce that was like coconut milk and leeks that were like real, like reduced and boiled down. And then we made this like some nice lentils and a really delicious like mushroom reduction.

It was just great. It was like we're doing reductions and stuff like that, that you would never do yourself in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah. That someone is like guiding you through. It was really cool. If you don't have coconut milk, you can substitute it with aphid milk. Yeah, so you can use aphid milk.

Yeah. The chef's going to look at you like you're a have coconut milk, you can substitute it with aphid milk. Yeah, so you can use aphid milk. Yeah. It's a little browner. The chef's going to look at you like you're a fucking lunatic. You can do it. The chef's going to call the cops, so you're going to have like five minutes to actually finish the dish. It will stick to your ribs. But yeah, the cooking class is fun because it's not something you would ever probably

do on your own because it's a little too involved, but they're helping you through it, and it's kind of fun to do something that's impressive. Plus you walk away with something in the back Yeah, right. In the back pocket. It's good for when you travel, too. Like, I went to Thailand. I took a cooking class in Thailand, and it was so fun. Oh, shit. What a good idea.

Yeah. So that's a hot tip for traveling. Oh, yeah. Take a cooking class. Thank you. Great idea. Great opportunity to make your fourth pick. Okay.

My fourth pick is if you're in public, you're at a party or something, and you know you recognize someone who you've met before, but you're not quite sure a hundred percent. And then you kind of think, you know, and then you just go and you say what you think their name is and you get it right. Wow. Yeah. Because you really are going out on a whim.

Ooh. And it's a tough, and you fail more than you succeed. Yeah, you really do. And the failure is the worst feeling. The failure rate is definitely pretty high. Oh, but that really, it hurts your confidence a little and their confidence a lot. Everyone loses. Everyone loses.

But when you get it right, you both feel great. And it really is a nice moment. They feel amazing. That's another thing. Yeah, everyone feels good. That's really a rising tide sort of thing. It is. A lowering tide situation.

But also a lowering tide. It's really, it is an everyone wins or everyone loses situation. It can go wrong. I know. I know. You're like Mark. They're like Brad. You're like, well, they're both names.

I was pretty close. You got to give me that. You got to give me that. I did think it was a name. I did think it was a name. That's so funny on two levels because those are both, but they're also both name names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brad, Mark, Steve.

They're like that kind of family name. Have you ever let somebody- They're basically the livestock name names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brad, Mark, Steve. They're like that kind of family. They're basically the livestock of names. Farm animals. They're from that coaching tree. Yeah, yeah. It's not like Sebastian, which is like the cheetah of the name world. Right, right.

Oh, dude. That was almost my name. Sebastian? Yeah, my dad wanted to name me Sebastian. Sebastian Toscani? If you would have said my name, there would have been a garlic taste in your mouth. Wow. Sebastian? Yeah, my dad wanted to name me Sebastian. Sebastian Toscani? You would have had, if you would have said my name, there would have been a garlic taste in your mouth. Wow. Sebastian-acula. I don't know. I don't know. Sebastula?

I don't know. Sebastula. Sebastula. Sebastula. That's what you put burgers with. Sebastula from my... I have let, I've been guilty of letting someone call me the wrong name for like months. My friend Mike when we were kids, he thought my name was Steve for like a month. And then I told him, he's like,

why didn't you tell me? I didn't want to embarrass you. And he's like, I'm not embarrassed right now? It's worse. You should be. I built up a habit now, man. I call everyone at work. Because unless I'm 100% sure of their name,

a lot of dudes. A lot of dudes. Yeah. A lot of mans. Mans. Sup, mans. Hey, dude. What's up, man? Hey, good morning.

What up, dude? Sup, lady. I say that a lot. Sup, lady. Hey, lady. Hey, lady. I say it like Tracy Morgan, though. That is, God, getting it wrong.

Oh, I've gotten it wrong at 100 miles an hour, too. Yeah. Were you just going? So confident, just going? So confident. Just going. You're like, you know, way off. Brenda. What up?

Jessica really said Brenda. Yeah. Have you ever forgotten someone's name on like, I've done it on stage introducing like the next comic. One time, but it was the worst feeling. Yeah. I've done it once and it was gnarly. I hated it. Uh, yeah but it was the worst feeling. Yeah, I've done it once, and it was gnarly. I hated it.

Oh, yeah. And it was Oprah. Shit, what is it, Dr. Phil? She's like, you are not my favorite thing. That's what she said to you. You're in my book, Schlub. Wow. Right?

And then maybe a third joke we'll edit in later. Something to figure out. Sean, is there ever your fourth pick? All right. This last, well, well no i won't do that oh and then your fifth pick yeah yeah last one's gonna be pretty much for me i mean if it's confidence for everybody last one's gonna be uh getting invited to like a sort of exclusive party oh yeah one of those things where you're just like oh no way they thought about me where people that you don't think, that you're not in their day to day. Like why, you know, whoever thinks about me.

And then you get invited to like a barbecue. The CA Emmys party. Or the Governor's Ball after the Emmys. I get it. Yeah, one of those parties. Or a barbecue at Bronger's. A Bronger Q. Yeah.

I mean, that's kind of what I was thinking of. Because right when I moved here, that was one of the first things where somebody realized that like i lived in los angeles and they went out of their way to be like hey we'd love it if you came over to our party and then you get there and there's like 15 people there like oh yeah this is something that like small they picked they chose full dismemberment plan you are invited yeah it feels good and it's just kind of like oh look at look at this know, people give a shit. Maybe I make this a little more fun. You know, maybe there's a point to be here.

It's funny. For all of these, the opposite makes you feel bad. Like not being invited. You're seeing on Instagram a party that you're like, all my friends are there? What is this? Oh, yeah. All of them. All of them. Every one of them?

All these things today, they really have a dark side. He was in his room. He snuck out? He snuck out through the window, this guy. It does, yeah. I'm at the phase now, and maybe it's just because I'm washed, where I'm like, if I see a bunch of people at a party on a Friday that I wasn't invited to, I'm like, tight.

Well, there's that part where you're like, I don't want the confidence boost to stick around the crib for me. Well, sometimes knowing what they're doing, you're like the confidence boost is sticking around the crib for me well sometimes knowing what they're doing you're like oh well I choose not to do that and then there's no like well what could everyone be doing out there at night like what am I missing out on I'm gonna confidently take this video game version of the trailblazers

to the championship tonight I'm gonna shoot some nazis just in there dusting nazis god damn nazis yeah oh fucking nazis just in there dusting nazis god damn nazis uh and your uh final pick

final pick is gonna be getting Final Jeopardy right that is like my biggest confidence boost in the world I absolutely love it yeah

when Final Jeopardy comes on and you're like boom right away you got it nothing better oh yeah I've been wanting to pick that

the whole time and nobody else was gonna pick that no on my list was well mine was running the table on a category oh god that feels good when you clear it god that feels good yep when you just get a nice final jeopardy and you're just yeah it's just especially when no one else gets it you're the only one in the room and no one on the show gets it and you're just like fuck yes dude i won jeopardy is how you think of it me win we're having some some people in my social circle become answers on jeopardy recently which is pretty astonishing camille was one the other day uh portugal the man yeah showed up as an answer the other day or it's fucking awesome

that so what would you okay would you rather be not to ask you because I know. Andrew, Zach, would you rather be the answer to a Jeopardy question or in a rap lyric? I think Jeopardy question because that feels more mainstream. I feel like rap lyric can be obscure. I don't know, though. Rap lyrics are forever, though. Now, Ian, you get to answer. Probably rap lyric. Yeah, I figured.

Rap lyrics are forever, I guess. Yeah. I guess it depends on the... I just don't know who the rapper is. It could be anybody. It could be a mixtape. It could be any Jeopardy question about you. I'm on my chicken parmesan, pocket fat like rich homie Carms.

And then people are like, who's rich homie Carms? And that's Ian Carmel, dude. He was Final Jeopardy yesterday. Yeah, that's the two-foot. You know, the Emmy guy. In fact, I'd like to be an answer on Jeopardy. As a rapper? This comedian was referenced by...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because what if it was like Birdman? I mean, that'd be twice in one podcast. But they're not... But it's like not the rapper you'd want, where you're like, oh, well, that's not good. Don't let Birdman hear you saying that about Birdman. I'd love it. Listen, my name is Andrew Mich't let Birdman hear you saying that about Birdman. I'd love it.

Listen, my name is Andrew Michon, and I'm coming at you, Birdman. You're acting like Birdman's not sitting in the corner of the room right now. Birdman comes to every... He's a huge AFE guy. What happened to that boy? He's got the only AFE hat in existence. Hat sauce. He's got it.

See, it's a sriracha hat, so I call it hat sauce. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's a perfect reaction. I heard you say hat sauce on the knee earlier, and I was just like, I'll just let this go. I'm not going to get it. That's one of those scenic areas where we won't pull up. Is that an overlook?

We'll wait for something bigger. We'll wait for something a little bigger. Yeah, I've seen most of Idaho. I'm sure it's nice. It's really not that cool when you get up close. It's just a big needle. Oh, that's tight. Andrew, it's time for your final pick.

Okay. Impressing your significant other's parents. Oh, shit. No, think about that. Never has that happened you never impressed the admiral no I would be astonished if you hooked him up to a lie detector

and he said he was impressed with anything I've ever done I'm pretty good at it as an adult and it feels good because it does feel like you're putting your best self out there and maybe there's a bit of trickery involved for sure but even that you feel good about. Yeah,

it's good. Yeah. Like you're a Nancy though. Yeah. Trickster. I remember when I was in like seventh grade, my first girlfriend, I went out to lunch with her and her dad.

Yeah. And I think I had already eaten lunch or something earlier. I wasn't very hungry. I ordered a fruit salad. Wow. He called me fruit salad. The rest of our relationship, like behind my back to her, like, Oh, you're gonna go hang out with fruit salad. Wow. He called me fruit salad the rest of our relationship. Like behind my back to her.

Like, oh, you're going to go hang out with fruit salad? That's fruit salad. I was very... Damn. Yeah, it really didn't... You're like a dog. I'm just, you know. But the end of that story is that he got arrested for being a huge cocaine dealer.

So in the end, I kind of won. Don't stop till you're numb. Yeah. Damn. But no, but as an adult, impressing your significant other's parents, it feels good. You want to treat those parents like if your parents were also there, they would get jealous. Like, why doesn't he treat them like that? If staying in a relationship was dictated by how their parents felt about you, I'd be

like four or five relationships ago still going strong in that. I would have been on my seventh marriage. Oh my God. I'm amazing. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah, you want to be when you guys break up

that parent is like, aw. You want that. You want that. Dads love me. Moms want to be me. You have a joke about like the opposite,

right? Where you're someone you used to date and your mom's like, oh, I never really liked her or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you don't want that.

She'll get your back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, but that's also just something Sue Carmel will do is flip. Oh, she'll flip on you? She'll turn states evidence for you. She she's loyal yeah uh so there you go i'm pressing

your parents she is a cabinet member shout out to say sue carmelle love your mama best in the business uh zach zach tuscani all right fifth and final pick i'm gonna go something near and dear to my heart maybe near and dear to everyone in this room's heart. I'm going to go conversation with Sean Jordan. Oh! Very nice! You sweetheart. Yeah, that's why I could be so venomous to you earlier. You want to take someone to heaven,

start them in hell. Break you down before I build you up. Well, that's astonishing. But so many times where I've been going through it. Which is all the time. All the time. Most days.

Yeah. Sometimes twice a day. I get over it and then I get back under it. Two days. You're not going to win state. Sean's been like the first person I call and always makes me feel better. And I think it's just like I've never seen you in a where I'm like, oh, he's kind of, like, I feel like I have my days where it can be pretty rough. And I don't think that you really, you don't, you've never like added unnecessary weight to anything.

Try not to. I mean, it's crazy. That's such a, such a cool compliment. Let's drop in the Foo Fighters sample. And we can actually get Dave roll in here. He's like, I love talking to Sean too. I mean,

my friends are the most important thing in the world to me. Always have been, always will be. And like, yeah, it, you, it's nice to have somebody who's kind of a constant in,

you can kind of count on to be like chipper or whatever, not have it be fake. And like, yeah, I get bummed, but I want, I want to be there for my friends whenever i can because that's what's important to me so i want if a friend of mine's having a rough day yeah let's talk about it let's try to turn that around let's watch fucking that's why i like goofy shit like entourage

and shit like that because it just gets your head out of all the stress like just just tune out for a minute forget about it you know like that's the whole point of of stuff like this life is fucking short they just laura they just had to put down her uh brother's dog today and just even something as trivial as that not trivial but where i'm just like man you never know so if someone's bummed or if oh yeah if i can do anything to help then yeah i'm there 100 probably the Probably the worst. I mean, just I can't be around any fucking people right now. Dude, I was

going through one and Sean was the first call. I was losing it. I was doing that thing in public where you're like, I don't even care what people think of me. Just screaming. Yeah, yeah. Leave me alone! She did! You know that. Yeah, conversation with Sean Dorn

always always get your confidence up well fuck me I have to pick this is an opportunity for you to say oh mine was just taken you can pick

eating Taco Bell I gotta like give out the Oscar after the death montage. Yeah, we all miss. Best supporting actor. We all miss fucking Clint Eastwood or whatever. Best animated short. They couldn't be here.

God. With my last one, I'm going to put owning a room. Yeah. You know when you like, it'll happen sometimes, especially after a comedy show, but sometimes you'll go into a room and something clicks and you're like, oh, I'm by far the most charming person in here. And then you just start bouncing around like a hummingbird and the room is full of flowers. You're just like charming this group over here.

And like everybody's waiting for their moment with you. That is kind of thing. I've been out to lunches with like a girlfriend where they're like, all right, you're going to meet my friends. And I'm like, fuck, yes, let's go meet your friends. I will run that. I'll do 45 clean in front of your friends at lunch. And yeah, I love doing that. It's the,

it's the best feeling. Cause it's so fun. And it's like, it doesn't, people might think it sounds arrogant, but it doesn't have to be. You can just be fun. You're just on.

People enjoy that. They just want to be around someone fun. Yeah. And there could be different versions of it for different people. You don't even, but just going in, feeling yourself and like feeling yourself, but also feeling like yourself.

Right. Just going in and like being charming and confident but also feeling like yourself yeah right just going in and like being charming and confident with people yeah yeah yeah and if i want to do that i have to wait for ian to leave the room that's right get the fuck out of here i need like a worse hummingbird in that room yeah like a broken wing not quite in the same place moving down it's spastic people like it had too much sugar juice. No, it is fun. Just coming in.

It's got one weird eye. Like you're fucking Zach Morris or something. Just like, hey, whoa. And like Tom Cruise would be a better reference. Knowing everyone's name. Just being fucking, hey, whoa, what's going on? My older brother will run a room like that in a very impressive way. Because he's so dope.

Robert Bear Blaylock. Everybody wants to talk to Bear. Just go in and just, yeah. You've got to meet my friend Bear. You're like, yes, I need to meet your friend Bear. He walks in, a couple buttons down. A couple buttons down. Hair's doing its thing.

Got a drink in the hand. Cranberry vodka. Something in one of the hands. And a shirt that doesn't have any cranberry vodka on it. Snapping with the other one. On fire. A man on fire. Yeah.

Yeah. He's the shit. But yeah, owning a room, man, it feels amazing. It does. Nice. So that's the final pick of the draft of a little confidence boosters. Wow. Oh, yeah.

I was goose bumpy. That was fun. That was confidence boosting. The whole thing was confidence boosting. It really was. Just to recap, Sean, you went first. You took having sex. Bristle out.

Sticking up for someone. A good room cleaning. Getting invited to a sort of exclusive party, and then getting Final Jeopardy right. Those are all euphemisms for sex. All right. Room cleaning. Sort of exclusive party.

Exclusive party. How'd Final Jeopardy go? Well, I got it right. I'll tell you that. I got it right. Andrew, you went second. You took getting recognized, dropping something,

and then catching it, completing the crush cycle, guessing someone's name right, and then impressing your significant other's parents. Man, that's great. That is a good one. Those are great. The best part is when he says them all at the end.

You're like, I like this. Oh, boy, here we go. Zach, you took getting a haircut right from my hands. From him. Teaching yourself something, doing something that scares you, preparing and cooking a family meal, and then a conversation with Chantel Jordan.

That's just a good day. Yeah, that's a good day. You've had that day. I went last and I took rocking a new fit, hearing a dank song, catching yourself in the mirror when you're looking just right, ooh, when you're looking just right,

getting into a regular gym rotation and then just sort of running a room. Yeah. We left some good ones on the board probably too. Making flirty eye contact with a girl. Doesn't even have to... And to extend that one, just like having... We've talked about this on the podcast

before. I don't remember which episode it was. But like flirting with a girl and like charming them, but then like that's it. Right you know just a fun little kind of yeah yeah not you know nothing's gonna come in nothing needs to come in changing a tire was on my oh that's a good one getting a raise yeah sitting courtside sitting courtside i've only done it once we'll only do this one was kind of like yours except for it's like discovering a new look with your same clothes oh yeah put a combination together you've never done before and you got an expensive hoodie under a blazer took it back to 1998 oh there you go yeah hell yeah i had like ordering the right thing at a restaurant

when everyone around you orders the wrong thing oh yeah that is good just like hack the menu i'm actually super happy yeah yeah exactly exactly getting a getting a card right like when i write a card and i feel like okay okay, this gets the point across. It's what I wanted to say. That makes me feel good. Happy birthday. Got it. I don't know why I had to call in sick for a week to do this.

Killing in a comedy club or anywhere. Oh, yeah. I was going to say. Great set. When a new joke lands. That all feels good. Sometimes getting an email. Oh, yeah.

Sometimes. Getting the right email. Oh, yeah. Getting that right email. Getting the right email. Being honest. It feels far between. Yeah. What is your.... Oh, yeah. Getting that right email. Getting the right email. Being honest. Being far between. Yeah.

What is your, you live a life of deception all the time? Well, like. Shadows? Yes. Deception? Oh, you know that. I do. I do.

No, you don't. I know what you're saying. I'm sorry. Enough of the gentle ribbing. Great picks, everyone. Make sure you add us on Twitter. We want to hear yours as well. Seriously. Shout out to everyone on Twitter

do we have any every single person on Twitter we shout out to Suitsayer absolutely Wilson Tennis I'd like some rackets please I mean if we're just saying things yeah I want some sunglasses

Dennis Mzman. He did a little interview with, asked if he could do a little interview, uh, about the podcast and everything. So he sent me some questions. Oh, good.

He's going to put it all out. And it was a lot of good stuff about everybody who's on. And yeah, so shout out. That was fantastic. Thank you for thinking to reach out. And, uh,

also right here on Instagram, shout out to, uh, anxious. to uh anxious you don't have a real name anxious person on instagram uh kendrew lamar for hitting me up and saying that we were all just fun good vibes a lot of people like will hit up and say that they enjoy the positivity that's nice hit me up you know seriously throw me some positivity do it it's never a bad thing to throw out in the world I like that everybody benefits from it and I will throw it

we will all throw it out as much as we can it's the best yeah there's a lot of cynicism in the world and this podcast is very positive and I appreciate that

oh thank you man it's really nice hell yeah fuck yeah we try to keep that vibe it's good uh uh shout out to everyone

on Twitter shout out to everyone on Instagram for reaching out we love when you do or you email us or you get us through back channels via Super Producer Marissa shout out to everyone on Twitter. Shout out to everyone on Instagram for reaching out. We love when you do. You email us or you get us through back channels via Super Producer Marissa. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa.

Yeah. We love you. Thank you for hanging out late on a Thursday night. Best in the game. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Subreddit. We love you all too. Thank you for keeping that going.

Doing big things. Make sure you like us on whatever, like subscribe us five stars on itunes right do that you know all that all that fun stuff and only it's only make this better recommend us to some friends we love it yeah the more listeners we have the closer we get to just being able to do this full time and that would be a dream if you recommend it we don't do our job then i you know that's that'd be a bummer yeah i don't know where i was going but you put that together you landed you know it'd be a bummer like when it's don't know where I was going, but they'll like it. You put that together. You landed in a plane. It was choppy, but you did. That's going to hook them.

I thought he was talking about sex for a second. You know what would be a bummer? Like when it's on, it's on. If she's there, what is it? You know, pineapples, you know, right off the tree. Pineapples are meant to not have skin on them, you know? You know, can't have a cat without a couple of, you know. I don't know.

Well, yeah. What's a cantaloupe if your trunk's full of tires? For God's sake. And more importantly than all of that. Make sure you tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Shacklackity! Nice. that was a hate gun podcast