All Fantasy Everything - Conspiracy Theories We Kind of Believe (w/ Dana Schwartz)

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

A lot more Michael Jordan talk in this episode than you might think.Guest:Dana Schwartz (@danaschwartzzz)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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He says that to everyone. Dana Schwartz is here Thank you very much for having me Yeah I'm your host Ian Carmel With me as always my friends And comedian Sean Jordan and David Borey Here we are Podcasting

I make everyone introduce me for everything As a wife and mother daughter sister I'm literally now I'm going to have to lift different credits But that's cool No big deal David Bore

Doesn't hits the same if I'm like Sean Jordan Father husband lover Father of a daughter Father, husband, the lover's son. Do you ever describe yourself as a son? I never think of myself as a son. I tried to do a bit about it, how a Sean, son of Pat, drinker of beers.

Back, that was like one of my first jokes. Didn't work then, didn't work now. Is there more to it or was that bad? Maybe. That was probably good you put it up. My big punch was the drinker of beers. I was like, oh, it's going to hit like, you know, tamer of horses or whatever. If you were writing t-shirts that got sold over Targeted Instagram ads, I think maybe you had a hit on your hand. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's true. Stand-up joke-wise, I think it just, like, it just, like. lacked sort of the set-up punch. But it was the like whatever happened to people introducing themselves like that. Like, hi, I'm Sean, son of Patrick. You know, that's how people used to do it. That's your last name. Yeah, if you would have stuck around longer, maybe it would have been my last thing.

There's something resembling a punch. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got enough jokes where I do them dirty. I'm like, I get to calm down on them, I think. Well, no, you on your story. Yeah. Yeah.

Drinker of beers, it's just not to, not to go to the telestrator too much. It's fun, it's like, huh, but it feels like it's a jab rather than like a... It feels like you've got to be going somewhere else on that trip. It's a step on the path. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my first joke book, the other, the server at the comedy club in Sioux Falls, he would go through it during my sets and just be like, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks. And then I'd come back like afterwards and I'm like, damn, dude.

And he's like, yeah. That's really a violation. And that server is Neil Brennan. When I was an assistant in the cartoon department at the New Yorker, if you were in the rotation of cartoonists, you would have to submit 10 cartoons a week. And Bob Mankoff, most of the time would just be like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, Bob Mankoff. You do all 10, you do 10, and you got to do 10 a week. And sometimes you get one in.

That's what he did. When we were right in the upside, he'd just grab all of our jokes. Like, this sucks. And I hate that I hired you. Well, that was you and I privately. Yeah. I was going to say, that was not my experience in that room. No, I had a great time.

That was the only writer's room I've ever been, and it was so fun. I was giving David a massage. I was like, can I get you anything else? Thank you so much for these jokes. He was like, we should go get brots after this. We had a big brot phase during the episode. Yeah, we were doing broths every night. I'm just writing in the bathroom.

I would take you in the other room. I would get you wet and cold and then pull out a gun and a sword. Punish me. Yep. He had some food hanging where I couldn't get it. Open a picnic basket, just out of reach. Shauna Jordan. Drinker of beer.

Peter of Fears. Potter of castes. I'll be in what, O'Clair, Wisconsin, first week in October, second week, Dr. Grins in Michigan. Third week, Rapid City, Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

This will be after High Plains. Thank you all for coming. Thank you for coming. You said Rapid City, Sioux Falls. Man, I wish. I wish it existed. You said that, though. Rapid City, South Dakota is where I'll be.

At the boss comedy club. No, it's West River. Oh, sorry. That's what it is. Boss is in Sioux Falls. Yeah, staying upstairs at that one hotel. hell downtown. I've been there. I walked around the whole town. A lot of Topaz rings at the pawn shops in Rapid City. What is that like doing stand-up

there? I've never done it. It was, it was, it was okay. Yeah? Yeah. They were like crowds were okay. Yeah. I mean, it's like, yeah. I don't know. A lot of drinkers of beers. It's good. I mean, it's like, stand-up is kind of like the same everywhere. That's not good. You mean? Like, if there's the voices that are great. It's like major city stand up and then not major city stand up and that's all kind of the same yeah i hear you so it's like it's not like minneapolis but it's is it the same as champagne illinoisia yeah yeah yeah you know i mean champagne peoria so you'll be at uclare i had a good sandwich i'll be at euclair in rapid yeah tight that's what i remember uh david boy is here cool guy joke 77 on instagram

where can people see you uh i don't even have any road dates like that right now just uh watch my special on 800-pound Gorillas YouTube Birth of a Nation if you have a wreck for a barber on the west side

of Los Angeles it's been really messing me up because it's such a difficult relationship You get Cherokee once a week right, don't you? Twice every other week

every other week every two weeks Yeah every two weeks bi-monthly and it's like twice a month because how often do white guys get it?

How often do you guys get a chair? It's been months sort of the wind tells us You just got a haircut, and you're wearing a hat. Well, yeah. But if I had just gotten a haircut, that's like two weeks of no hat. Yeah, but when you don't get a haircut, that's like... We're in different worlds.

I wear a hat all the time. I can't, I'm shocked. I don't have one on right now. I've worn a hat out of the chair. I put a hat on, yeah, like, hey, thanks for the haircut. Thanks, gross. Laura will get, I'll leave the house. Thanks, brother, holy buckets.

Laura will be like, she's like, you have hair. What are you doing? I'm like, I wear hats. What do you want? I don't know. Whoa, that was the best one this whole trip. That was the best one Perfection.

Once an episode I knock his hat off He didn't have a hat That was really good I mean You set them up And you knocked him down That's what you did.

I literally did. Damn. That's how you got to do it. No, I'm going to put this one back on the holy bucket hat. Yeah, I got a bunch of hats and back. There's another one back here. Hat pack. How is that?

I'm going to wear that for the next episode. Your hair looks good. No, no. No, I get my hair cut once every three months maybe. I don't know. Yeah, I'm probably on that. Sims.

Yeah. I just let it go until it looks, until it gets, this is the thing with the long, like, I, I can't stand, like, it just takes so long to dry, you know? That's when it does get hot. You can use, they make a machine now that helps you dry your hair. Nah, too much, too much effort. I don't really. What are they calm?

Not really. Yeah, what would that? Some sort of hair drying machine. Son of pet, blow dry out hair. Do they want to talk about a regimen? Talk to your boy, Zach Tuscany. Does he have a hair regimen? He's got a hole, he got a diffuser.

He's going nuts. Wow, he really knows. He's a man of discipline. We have a diffuser. That's the thing that looks like a TV shot, right? Like a tuberculosis shot? What? The thing you put in, you put it like on your hair.

It's like a big guy. I don't know what a TV shot looks like. It was like a plug-in that went in your arm. You remember this? No. God, really you guys ever had those? That is what a diffuser looks like. I never got a big old TV shot.

You never did. Huh? How old are you? 78. I was on the trial run for tuberculosis vaccine. I don't wonder when your friends got polio and then, like, you couldn't hang out with them for a while and you got to get more like a shot. I saw Roosevelt one time. You remember your dad got paid in script?

Yeah. Yeah, right before I stood in the breadline one day. I read a book about tuberculosis. He got it for me as a gift. I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the kind of romantic gifts I get my wife. I like that.

The John Green one? The John Green one was a great book. It was a great book. Yeah, it was for sure. Can I plug my stuff other than being a wife or daughter? You can plug it? We'll get to you. Oh, did I do?

I thought you already did me and you plugged me being a mother and daughter. That's up top. You get your own section to plug your own stuff. Yeah. Are you done, David? Yeah, I don't have any other. I don't have no road days. You said it's a, are you done, David?

Dana Schwartz is here. New York Times number one bestselling author. Oh, yeah. Of anatomy of love story and immortality a love story. Fresh off, can we say what you were just writing on? Yeah. Fresh off writing on a Netflix animated feature. Yeah.

The remake of Guy Code. You did guy code Wait a second The animated movie Wait a second He did that bit yesterday Oh you did? No I didn't

Did he do that bit yesterday? We were talking about guy code at some point Yeah The guy code I'm sorry for doing that That was really mean Sean I don't know why I did it weeks ago If anything

But I don't think I did You know what I mean I've been wearing Once a week Once a week we come up Well yeah but you'd be wearing the same shorts It doesn't bug you

That your underwear poke out Huh Makes me look at athletic. Is that, that's not like under armor? See? Yeah, I kind of think that too.

I did think that that was sort of like. Yeah. It's my underwear. It's my grondolatus. What? That's what my mom calls them. Grondoladas. Throw on the grondolatus.

Grondolatus. You say so many things that make it so I can't get a grasp of anything. Looker boy, I cleaned all your grondoladas. Do you watch the Gilded Age? Do you watch the Gilded Age? No. You know I did.

I watched that PBS documentary of the Gilded Age because guys, get the PBS documentary. Oh, it's great. It's so good. I'm watching it all the time. Dude, I just watched the one on denim. Who knew? Yeah. Ian was out of town. I watched the entire Ben Franklin three-parter. Oh, nice. That would be. I love the Prohibition one.

It's such a good pass is the point. Anyways. I watched Ken Burns Jazz. You watch, you can watch that one without me. I want to watch baseball. Baseball's great. I like the West. Someone on the Gilded Age called her clothes Gyghaws, and I rewound it about four times. Bedeked and Gey Goss. How would you spell that?

G-E-E-A-W? Yeah, I think exactly. Okay. Like G-H-Hob and G-G-G-G-G-G-G-A? Yeah, G-G-G-G-I-G-G-G-A. It's like a baby cowboy. And it was a really dramatic moment. Yeah.

We watched Hey, G-G-G-G-G-G-U last night. Hey, G-Gu. Man. It is so good. Just G-Gi-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Sung-E. That's so scary. It's nice to meet you. It's a better than to meet you.

That's an old Italian woman talking to a Google assistant. You've never seen it. One of the first. I don't know what this is. You're all talking nonsense. You should watch it after this. It's so... And then everybody's laughing.

Oh, I'm scared. The Google talks. And then she's like, it's a talk-up. We are going to have to text the nanny. This is going to go late. No. Gator Schwartz is here. Text the nanny.

We're watching Google grandma. Oh, no. We have plenty of time. You also have a Noble Blood. Host of the podcast, Noble Blood. And you have a new podcast. Brand new podcast called Hoax with an exclamation. Point. I thought it's called pronounced hoes.

It is French. It's pronounced hose. Hose. Hose. He's like, wait, wait. That's not got him to listen. This is a great, this is a different project. It's a new podcast.

It's every other week on the same haircut schedule as you. Nice. It's how we do it. It's opposite weeks, though. Opposite weeks. Please listen, rate review, subscribe. It's a new podcast, so listening makes a huge difference. We're talking about historical hoaxes, which is a fun topic.

It's you and Lizzie Logan. Me and my good friend, Lizzie Logan. Listeners may remember from the Taylor Swift episode. Yes, and we have not talked about any Taylor Swift-related hoaxes yet. Mostly, like, historical ones, like the Cottingly Fairies. And also recently, Balloon Boy. Balloon, I was going to say balloon boy. Yeah.

So historical hoaxes, well-researched, a fun time. Please listen. I think you like it. It's great. I've listened to all the episodes. I was yawning, but I was being sincere. My stepdad pulled a major hoax. What was it? He pulled a hook?

Yeah, it was crazy. It's actually a big deal over there. In Norway, he, after high school or like his senior year high school, they took a rowboat and they built a top over it that looked like a submarine and sailed it out into the fjord and they got arrested. It's like a huge deal. That's fun. That's a great.

Because you would think it was like a Soviet submarine or something. Yeah, because it was like right in that timing. And they just did it to be funny? Yeah, they just thought it would be funny. This will be hilarious. Yeah, it's like, and then there's, like, all this lore around it. Like, there was a kid who was too fat to be in the boat so they didn't let him come. Oh, lucky him.

But then it happened, and I think there was a big, like, feeling of, like, boys will be boys. This is a fun thing happening. So his dad, like, tried to get him arrested. It's, like, a whole thing. Tell him to come on the pod. Fun hoax. The internet has killed fun hoaxes. I think so.

In a big way. Like, at least those, and, like, senior pranks, I bet don't happen anymore. Did you guys do senior pranks? We didn't do one. I don't think we did. If here's what I'll say, if they did do one, I was not involved in it. No. Did model U.N. do a senior prank?

I was in mock trial. And debate. Congressional debate. Did congressional debate? Attention did. A senior prank. No. Did someone try to like attach an amendment to a bill?

No. Free pizza. Although, you know, my. I can't even weigh in on the joke because I don't mean to make you jealous, but my high school boyfriend did introduce a fake bill and congressional debate to invite me to prom. I'm going to hit him in the neck with an aluminum baseball bat.

Sounds pretty fun and creative, actually. It does something a pretty good move. Well, we have a child. Ethan, probably. Okay. You don't do this to yourself. Don't go down the road, Ian, stop. Stop.

Those days are behind you. Chicago Jew name does it. Sound like me talking in the mirror. if you beep beep this out my high school boyfriends their names were oh my god

that is so funny put in Biggie and Tupac yeah so listen to hoax that they hated each other always goes back to a dame was that biggie or Tupac that impression you just did

It always goes back to a dame. It wasn't either one of them. Oh, okay. I thought I got confused on the roof. That's Rizza. Do you want to hear what it would sound like if Shaggy and Rizza got into a beef about a girl? No, we don't do that anymore. It got dead.

None of us do that anymore. Yeah, I got dead. I do what I do want to hear it. No, I can't. You told me it really bothered you. I'm never going to do it again. Do you do it when he's not around? All the time.

No, I don't. It's really never comes up. No one's begging me for my Rizza impression. Laura doesn't ask you about Shaggy? Is there a doctor on the flight Or failing that Someone who could do an impression of Rizza We learned the other day that I can do

Not we learned, I learned the other day I can do a really good impression of the mom from downtown Oh yeah, yeah To really, really, I think really good at him. I think so, yeah Well now I'm nervous But Mr. Pumook Now all you have to do is watch

Downton Abbey You gotta get about a season end For that one to really land How many seasons are, though? There's a lot of seasons. Someone who watches this podcast and listens to this podcast watches downtown Abbey. That's for sure.

And we'll say I did a really good impression. Isaac, you ever, downtown Abbey? No, never got there. I thought it was downtown Abbey for a different show, did. Downtown Abbey post-divorce is hitting the town. Dear Town Abbey is just shoot me, basically. Man, I really did like that show. Yeah.

It was one of the first television. shows I ever watched so much of that I did not relate to it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that Paul riser? No, that's mad about you. That's mad about you. Shoot me was the one where it was a fashion magazine. Spade in it? David Spades. And they ran a fashion magazine.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just shoot me as in a camera. And like, I thought Nina was so funny, the aging, the aging super, the aging supermodel. I've never heard of this television show. It, I don't think was even popular. I just weirdly. I watched it. I know what it is. Spin City Spin City was another one that was huge. Spin City.

You know, what I love is King of Queens. Yeah, that's a fun show. Jerry Stiller, man, can't beat him. He's the funniest guy I've ever seen. Go to that new Italian restaurant down the street. Domino's. I think Jerry Stiller. I don't think anybody's funnier than him or whatever.

He's the funer. I really do believe that. That's like truly... He's on that Tracy Morgan level of just looking at him makes you laugh. Just his face. Just his face. Just the other day that came up that meme of like the Seinfeld Outtakes where he's talking to a little.

Elaine, like, you want a piece of me? And she just can't, she just can't not laugh. I mean, it's crazy how funny. His, like, movements, like his head is so funny. And he's so, like, little but squat, like a huge chest inwardly, though. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh, man.

That's about as good as it gets. He's like, you know when, like, they show pictures of what, like, this is what a large sort of look like in the 60s? Like, he wasn't a little guy in the 60s, but he just turned into a little guy later on, I think. Everybody, the world passed him off. The world got bigger. So he carries himself like he's like he's a large,

even though he's now a smaller, a medium of best. Yeah. Gosh. You telegraphed it too much. I know. You wanted to fail on that one. I did. For comic reason.

Coward. You're a coward, dude. World ain't going to give you nothing for free. All my picks are going to be better than yours. My name is Ian Carmel. Yeah, they are. At Ian Carmel on Blue Sky and Instagram. Check out Girl Dad.

Oh, you're the one on Instagram. Yeah, check out Girl Dad. It's my comedy special. Check out Comfort Beyond God's Foresight, which is my comedy special. You can check out my book, T-shirt Swim Club, at a library or anywhere books are sold. Or listen, you know, audiobook style of this voice. Use those audible credits. Use them, you got them.

Because you have 80 for some reason. Everybody's, they're like funco-pop figurines. Everybody's got them somewhere clanking around. Are we secretly paying for audible? I unpaid for audible because I started paying for Spotify and they have a lot of audio. Really? But you've got to like, they only give you so much time on the audiobooks on Spotify. Oh, I haven't gotten there yet.

Have you not? I just started. I'm on my first audio book. Oh, and then it's like, well, that's all your free audiobook. And then you have to like pay for more audio book. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.

That's how they get you. Oh, yeah. You probably still have a bunch of audible credits. I do. I really do. Every time I've gone to give them away at comedy festivals like candy. Here's your, here's your like $20 in audible or whatever. Did they?

I didn't even know that. Yeah, I did a lot of festivals. They didn't ask you. Sheldman, I didn't mean to ask you, are you glad that we had a son for copyright infringement reason? So he's not a girl dad, too? Yeah, what would you have done if you'd look on his face? Never thought about it. You can't, you could name it, you can name your special girl dad if you want.

I'm going to name it boy dad. Boy, boy. You should call yours birth of a nation. Name everything, but it's your, you have a horse. Only this one doesn't have a G. What do you mean someone also? did that. Yeah, you're honoring the original David's special.

Out of respect. Birth of a Nash's son, though, Nash and then son. Oh, then you double did. Yeah. Yeah. Colon boy dad. Col and comfort beyond boy dad. Comfort boyon Foreskin. No.

This is, this is, this is, I feel like you're getting into weird water. I'm going to call it birth of a nash son. son, colon, boy dead, comfort, boy on, God's foreskin. I don't think she had any. Oh, very nice. We're talking about God there, very nice. Yeah, I was talking about the Briss because I have a Jewish son. Headphones fell out, dummy.

They did. I have nothing else to promote, right? Well, you can promote my podcast again. Listen to Hoax. Listen to Hoax. That was a hoax. It was crazy. Ian's wrong.

The delivery on that came out nuts. It did sound. Oh, it's bad. It really stopped. It got ahead of you, huh? It got ahead of you, huh? That was a podcast where you ax-ho's question. No, you can't say that.

He's not like this. He's just getting nervous. You get here in his kitchen, you got him shook. Yeah, this is. I don't like that. He's not. He's not like that. How is he?

He's going over there. It's a podcast where you ask hose and then just look away. It's bad. It's really good. I've told you how much I like it. Thank you, baby. Well, today we're drafting. I can do it.

Let me do it. It's mine. Let me do it. Man, what are, what do I say? I made fun of Sean for wearing swim trunks. I think I'm wearing swim trunks. Are you? God, that's awesome.

You made fun of him for wearing swim trunks while wearing swim trunks. Yeah. See the lining. These are not swim trunks. They're swim trunks. These are, I think we're wearing the same. You might be, at best, they're hiking shorts. I've gone swimming in them.

Yeah, they might be. They're active boy shorts. It's hot out, so I guess you get a pass. Yeah, thank you. No, no pass. I was I going to wear, I was I going to wear my burlap jumpsuit? Your big bud press burlap jumpsuit. My car heart, gigantic burlap jumpsuit that I wear.

Seam talents rocked a burlap jumpsuit at some point, right? You were sponsored by Bullwark coveralls for a little bit. Yeah, that's right. It was a weird summer. Because in the middle of that summer Hard to be sponsored during the summer Cover all. Well, he cut the legs off

And then it was like You know, it looks like the outfit Steph Tolliv's where Yeah You know how Steph Tolliv's always wear Yeah The rompers That's what it looked like

It looked like he had a romper on it Turned it into a cover most Yeah Yeah A rompim Romp him We're back on track Yeah

Dana believes in herstery And romp hymns Is it still Are dudes still wearing rompers, like, ironically? Like, it's like guys you went to high school with have, like, American flag romper. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think that's for sure still happening.

Yeah. Like, does history really come from his story? Is that where the word history comes from? No. It isn't. Okay. It comes from Latin. Is it Latin for his story?

I was like I walked into a coffee shop and I've never ordered a coffee and they're like, you idiot. Does it come in a mug or a glass? Hey, can you pour some coffee? my hands? No. No, we can't. Oh, man, that's so funny. I get a flask of coffee. I drove all the way down to Pulpah. Have you ever heard someone on the internet be like, I just found out that news stands for like, and then they have some like dumb acronym. Yeah. World service. And it's like, no, because it's new. That's it. Oh, is that it?

Yo, that's never crossed my mind. I never even like the what's new. It's the news. It's the new. That's what happened with movie for me. When I figured out it's only called a movie because they're moving. And like talkies and movies, I was like, brother. Wait until you find out why it's called a fireplace. Why is it called? Oh, because you burn documents in it. Giovanni fireplace.

I think he sold me a hot time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was just the beginning. He's Italian. It's Fidaplache. Yeah, Fita Pia Pallace. Giovanni fireplace, though.

He's already. He's probably doing all right. He made a lot of money on the firepache. place and then he got in a hot tub just for fun because it changed his life because he had back issues. Yeah. Because he was bending down, putting fireplaces together for so long. Hey, how much is a good hot tub?

How much is a good fire? You need to the hot tub is expensive all the time. A fireplace? For a hot tub? Like two, probably because you got to run it. It's so expensive because it runs all the time. Yeah. You can't just like have it off. You're supposed to be naked in it, right? You have to be naked. Unless you have

some swimshrunks like these. You're not supposed to have shorts on in the hot. Wait, serious. I thought you're doing a bit. No, that's real. So I'm right at the hotels that I go to. Don't ask Isaac if you're supposed to be naked somewhere. No, no, no.

You have to be naked in a hot tub is something a creepy guy tells like, go. You're supposed to be naked. No, you're actually supposed to be naked. I did some producing. I'm looking it up. You got taken for a ride. I'm drowning. It says yes, nude is best, but you can wear swimsuits.

Oh, yes. It rhymes too. What website? You're on the wrong website. You're on the wrong type in hiding. Can you have any fireplace. This is from Reddit, the Hot Tub Reddit. Yeah, it's from the Hot Tub Reddit by like boys taking girls home after prom.

That probably whatever. The Hotub Reddit sucks, I bet. That's just a series on Foreign Hub. I bet that that group sucks. Or slash Hot Tub. I think they're relaxed. Or is just like old people? Yeah.

The soakers are hot tub. But I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to, it's like better to be new to an hot tub. Better for what? For the hot tub. For comfort and hygiene reasons, it says. Okay, now it does sound like your time is all. Better not to use a condom for comfort and hygiene reasons.

I had a friend and his parents, they didn't like other people going in their hot tub and they were naked in there. Okay. Okay. Today we're drafting conspiracy. Sounds like we stumbled upon one. Today we're drafting conspiracy theories. We kind of believe, which is loosely connected to hoax.

Yeah. Conspiracy theories you kind of believe. Yeah. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a wrong, Aolicant game of rock paper scissors. Play between the three of you. We throw and shoot. All right, here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Sean wins. A scissors against two papers. He's delighted with his victory. I did not like you. That was a sound I've never heard you make before. Same. I don't know that.

A lot of sounds. I don't know that I've ever really made it. After the episode's over, you have to choose one of us to be your husband again. Jessica's anyone doesn't know I take my ring off and put it on the table With a gun and a knife Yeah

That's what I was saying That's a callback to something that's on the Patreon It wasn't there for like I keep fucking up my callbacks But no I listened to the episode I'm sure And so ha ha ha ha thank you It was the last time you listened to an all fantasy everything Well I hear most of them because they were happening in our house Yeah but I'm quiet

That's what I come out sometimes at the general's over and I come out of the, whatever, the room, and he's just like, you paid for that, huh? That hurts. Well, not a... You feel like in my house? In an interesting way where, and I'm like, you only heard one fourth of it. Yeah. And I understand it makes

zero sense. You and David were funny. Damn. It's like one of those episodes where we try to get you to say stuff because Laura's not home. You just heard me whisper penis louder and louder. To be fair, I don't think you listen to Noble Blood because I just do them for you live. Yeah, that's true. I sprinkle them in every now and then on flights.

Yeah. They're very good, too. He doesn't do AFE live for you, right? I always ask him, I'll be like, so what did you draft? And he'll just be like, I don't remember. I can't remember. Yeah, that is. I can't remember a lot of.

You kind of like blackout. Yeah. Well, Sean, you won, and as the winner, isn't coming upon you to determine the order of today's rap before you do that. I will remind you it as a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question. Like a dog in a skinny hallway trying to find somewhere to poop.

Why is the hallway skinny? Because I've got to go back and forth. They can't go around like a yard. I'm giving them limited options, so they have to go back and forth. Okay. All right. Basically what means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first on the second round. Now, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be?

Dana, David, me, and you don't get to draft. I'm out? Just be the three of us. All right. You're last. Hot quarter. Okay. Dana David Shonian is the order of today's draft.

We're going to get to that draft right after. We take this short break. This episode of All Fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Comic Con the Cruise. Now, it's the ultimate vacation for fans of popular arts, comics, and gaming. Five Days a Non-Stop, Fandom Fun, panels, theme parties while sailing the Caribbean or the Caribbean. I don't know which way you actually say it. Who cares?

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betterhelp.com slash all fantasy. That is BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy everything. So Dave was going to throw a pillow a second ago. This is where this comes from. But back in the day, there's this place in Sioux Falls and it was like a place for teens to hang out at where, like, youth pastors would be and stuff. Church? Where all the dorks went. School.

I never went, but yeah. It was like a, it was like a nighttime place for kids to hang so they didn't get in trouble kind of thing. And they had a pillow fight room. Because I went there one time for a hip-hop show. They were, the SoulCrate Boys were doing a rap show there. We go in and I'm like, I don't. We were, I was probably 16.

Oh, so you were their target audience. Like, I can't. A room devoted to the pillow fight room. Did you have two other friends who were hoping to do a podcast on night of that hip-hop show? They almost didn't go. They almost didn't do the show. We were all like this.

Really? At the youth pastor factor? Was it Christian? Yes. It was like a Christian hangout center. Did you guys? Yeah, youth group. There you go.

That's what I was looking for. I feel like I went to multiple schools where like junior high school, early high school, there would be youth group would catch on for some time. Huge. Well, you went to all. It was like, yeah. You went to high school in a jar of dill pickle. That's right.

Do Jewish people not do youth group? No. We went to Hebrew school. Oh, that's. And before our bar and bat mitzvahs. But no youth group. Is that religious? Heber school?

Yeah, but not like, really. You learn the prayers. It's at night? Like you go, because I went to CCD. After school. I didn't do anything at night. Okay. Whoa.

Really? Yeah, you did things at night. Since I was happening. I was happening. Yeah. I mean, I was also a varsity athlete, so I did practice after school. Yeah, it was a varsity athlete. I was also a varsity athlete. I remained the only non-varsity athlete at this.

Yeah. Varsity. I never lettered. Well, Isaac. Ian and I were both. Yeah. Ian and I were both varsity athletes. You weren't really of that.

I was. What team? Golf. That counts. Thank you. Of course it counts. Wait, so do Jerry people have to see you at the pole? Huh?

I don't know what that is. Few of the pole? You guys ever, ever heard of that? I don't know if Irish people do either. The prayer at the pole? Yeah, prayer at the pole. Everybody makes fun of them. Oh, people would do that.

They did that at my high school. Yeah. I wasn't part of it. But Jewish people don't do it. No. I don't know what that is. I don't know what it is. It was like this weird thing where they like made all the nerds pray before school.

I'm not explaining it well. And that sounds like a-no one was praying before my public school. Okay. I actually did do that. It was a public school. I actually did do it. Okay, explain it. I was a religious child.

But yeah, you're supposed to pray for the school before school starts. And in retrospect, it's. It's really lame. Pray for the school? I went to public school. I did. This happened to public school. This was the most public school.

You're not supposed to do that. You went to a school that was mostly Jewish people. Yeah. So that's why. Also, you shouldn't be praying for. The level of infiltration that Christianity has in most public high schools is astonishing. Yeah. It's, yeah.

We had a Christian club. I was vice president, actually. It was very significant. You're awesome. You are awesome. scored a lot of forgiveness off that. Yeah. Forgiveness. I'm wearing cardinal socks.

These are, yeah, explain your socks? I got these socks. You can order them from the place in Italy that clothes the Cardinals and Pope. The Giovanni Fireplace? Giovanni Pia plebeche. That's pretty sick. Yeah, you can just get them. They'll send it to you.

Are they more comfortable than regular socks? They are like really soft. Is it weird to? The Mormon church had like a building, like, right next to our high school for there. And they would go, they had a period blocked out where they would go over there

and do like Mormon church youth group stuff. Westview High. Yeah, we had a lot of Mormons at our school too. Yeah. A lot of Mormons. They hung out together. Yeah.

And one of the families was super good athletes. We had a few of those. Yeah. And they all of them played everything. It was 40 of them. Yeah. There were a lot of Mormons in my high school.

John Gibson. He was like, he could dunk in like seventh grade. He was like one of those kids. Chad Hoffman. Yeah. Oh, we, maybe I told this before. This kid tried to dunk in a high school game and he got laid out so bad.

He could dunk. We knew he could dunk. It was like, everyone knew like, oh, my God, he can die. And then in a game, he got a breakway. And we're like, he's going to dunk. And he halfway up, just tried to force it enough to where it leveled him out. And he just fell. He was okay.

Physically. I don't think mentally he didn't. Was he Mormon? No, but I'm just, you know, we said Duncan. Okay. If he had been involved, it would have gone in. Now, just jump in, you know. Because God would have been on his side?

God would have been on his side. Dana, you have the first book. Okay. Conspiracy theories we sort of believe. Yeah. Now I'm hoping you go real smart with these and leave the dumb ones to your boy. No, this is a pretty dumb one. This one, I have to admit, I have not, like, fully looked into.

I haven't, like, done all the cork board research. But this one comes from my friend Katie, and it's just a conspiracy theory that I really like. And it's that the actual shot that killed JFK was because of a secret service agent accidentally discharging his weapon. Heard that in the car, right? Yeah, that the conspiracy theory is that Lee Harvey Oswald, like, shot, but, like, missed. Wasn't the killing shot.

And then the people behind in the car with guns, the secret service agent's, like, shot, and we're trying to return fire. And a guy just messed up. Oh, I believe the hell out of this. Point blank. It's the closest conspiracy theory with that, with JFK, that it's like, you're like,

that makes the most sense. So that's the angle of the bullet that messed up. And there's like, my friend Katie has explained this to me in detail where it's like that secret service agent like was not supposed to even be there. He was new. Like there was another guy that was hung over. Yeah, he was like nervous. And also I think the conspiracy theories I believe the most are it's like, yeah, people aren't like nefarious. They're just covering up something so dumb.

And they just couldn't admit that it was a secret service agent who accidentally fired a shot that blew up the president's head. It could never get out. And they were like, we can't ever let it get out that we killed the president. Yeah. Especially like during the height of the Cold War where the Soviets would be like, come to even the kill on president. Right. You know, like that kind of thing.

A bunch of empires over there. One president then. Let me get that again. They kill on president. There you go. I've been doing a lot of Russian accents lately. I kind of got to stop. So, yeah, conspiracy theories I kind of believe is that,

a Secret Service agent accidentally shot JFK in the head. Yeah. And they covered it up. When did that one come to light? It's fairly recent, right? Yeah, there was like a book that a guy wrote about it. And I'm sure, like, people will respond in the comments of, like, ways it is true or isn't true because, you know, people have, like analyzed the JFK killing, like so much. Yeah, it's like it.

But I just like it. And it's funny. And it makes me, I think it's funny. So I like, it's a conspiracy theory I kind of like. Wait a minute. What? So there's a book called Mortal Error. Yeah.

Okay, listen. Listen to me. The book is from 1992. Okay. Now listen to me. The book is called Mortal Area of the shot that killed JFK. Okay. Are you listening?

I'm listening. Are you tuned in? David, you? Yeah. The book is by a man named Boner Menninger. Shut up. It is not by. You're a liar.

You're a liar. He wrote this book? Bonar. Where? It is by a guy named Bonar. Well, he's a straight shooter. Bonar tells it like it is. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm on board Bonar You don't want to take a nom de plume buddy For your book about You have to No one's going to take you seriously Bonar Calls himself

Ard Beanus No yeah I bet he's just sitting in school Like I'll show you guys one day I'm gonna write up I'm gonna solve this theory one day Bonar Meninger

Bonar Like sonar with a beat It might be Bonar It's Bonar I bet you, he would tell you it's Benar. He's from Topeka. He's not even from somewhere else.

Now, wait a minute. The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza has a website called Bonar Menninger oral history. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. That's good. I like that a lot. This is one of the smartest things anyone's brought up and here's where we reduced it to. We found a way to make it.

He made it about a book. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's a boner. That's a big time boar. Oh my gosh. That's crazy that he looks just like a bono. You just, who is like, yeah, let's do boners oral history. Have he been to that museum? He's wearing a blazer.

He got all dressed down. Yeah, he didn't do his hair, but. Come on. He's trying his best. Oh, man. It is a very, I like the theory, though. It definitely, because what are the other theories, the magic waiter? So JFK is off the table, right?

Do we think? No, I think different JFK theories you can believe. Okay, okay, okay. My conspiracy theory is Secret Service agent. That's a good one. Yep. Yeah. Quincy Jones says it was Sam Giacama's brother.

We might get into more of that later. Quizzy Jones? Because he says a lot of stuff. I've got some theories. I don't think he made Thriller. David, time for your first pick. Oh, Area 51. Okay.

Just that there's a secret spot where we got a bunch of aliens and spaceships. Yeah. Can I just ask the question? Because I'm like, I'm not someone who like doesn't necessarily. Why if aliens are real, why wouldn't they tell us? I have no idea. I mean, it's like there's infinite possibilities. There's a big part of it.

Like doesn't Christianity loosely hinge on the fact that God created just us? Isaac? As we know, I went to very Jewish public school, so I'm not the person to ask me. That's what I always thought. Because it would, like, debunk a lot of this stuff where, like, God created Earth and, like, nothing. I mean, there's theories that it's just up, right? A lot of modern fundamentalist evangelical Christianity hinges on that. Yeah.

So that's one reason where I'm like, also, they would lose any sort of hold they have on, like, people's rational thoughts. Like, if they were, like, you know, how do you get into that? Or maybe they're just butt ugly, like, they're really hard to think. Yeah, they could be butt ugly. Maybe it's just fun to have a secret. Yeah. Yeah. All the governments are just like, they keep more garbage secrets.

Yeah, we know about aliens. You don't. Because look, if you're a government employee, it's not like you're getting paid well. No, no, you do it for the love of the game. Yeah. Shout out to you, USAID. You just associated for two seconds.

You just believe in aliens. And specifically the government 51, Area 51. I believe that in the vast infinite of, it's insane to think that there's not something. Do you think we have constant contact or do you think something crashed and they recovered it.

I think it's more along the lines of that. I don't know if it's something that's like an open dialogue as much as it's like, oh, yeah, they made a pit stop one time and then we got their gun or whatever. You know what I mean? I don't think it's like... I definitely don't think... I definitely don't think it's like two governments in contact regularly

for the good of each... Like the way us and Latvia... Yeah, I think it's just... I think probably in passing we picked up some space trash and we're like... Yeah, they left some residue? Yeah, I don't think that's... It doesn't even seem nuts.

If we had contact with the aliens, do you think we would have showed them the 1992 Dream Team? Just to let them know what we're about? Well, I think we did blast it in the space to let them know that we were here. Like what we're capable of? Yeah, I think we show them that.

I think we show them, I think we show them Thriller, the entire album. I was born in Chicago in 1993, so it's like something was, something was just in the water. Someone was in the water. Now, that's exciting.

The Dream Team practiced in Portland. Yeah, but. They practice important? Yeah, but who are we excited about on the dream team? Well, he was, you are talking about Michael Jordan, who was, Clyde Drexler was there, too. You got played some really important men. A lot of Clyde Drexler fans, the Clyde Drexler. That's what people are thinking about when you say basketball in the 90s.

Yeah, Sean Stockton. John Stockton from Walla Walla, Washington. Called alone. Portland, Oregon. Also, okay, video game. Alien stuff isn't off the table. Area 51's off the table. Specifically a place, I feel like they're probably

holding it. I feel like not making any headway. They just have had it? We set it on fire. We heated it up. We cooled it down. I don't know what the fuck this thing is. We keep plugging into different Apple chargers. We just tried the USBC.

We thought that was going to make some headway. I bet if you can get yourself onto the alien team in Area 51, it's like a pretty, I bet it's hard to get that job. But I bet once you get it, it's a sweet gig. Because once they close the door, they're like, okay, yeah, so we're going to get started because there's a lot to take in.

Close the door. We don't really do anything. Yeah, we're just here all day. You know what job I think that about, too, is driving that train at the grove. Oh, yeah, that's probably a sweet gig. I bet you they get paid way more than you think. But, you know, also why it's a sweet job

is because once you get that clearance, they're not going to fire you because, like, it's such a hassle. But I don't you, they kill you. If you, like, if you show any signs of wanting to leave or anything, I bet you they just Or they can program different memories into your head. What are we doing? What are we doing?

What are we doing? Oh, you are Sam Picks? Is that a PICs? I might have made it up. I could, I could see myself getting there in the next hour if I keep breathing in the same air. That was a conspiracy thing. Yeah, but that's not what you were thinking of. No, I was just being, I was being a dick.

Yeah, yeah. I was just say the way they would reprogram your head. They'd man in black, yeah. They would put someone else's memories in there, where you like... They're like, where have you been? And you're like, I was the Power Ford for the Utah Jazz. John Stockton? John Stockton.

He's a card, right? Yeah, he was a card. Yeah, or Carl Malone. You were Carl Malone? I backed up Carl Malone. And people are like, oh, I guess I don't know who did back up Carl Malon. Yeah. You know, perfect story.

I do. I met him at a thing. Yes, you did. What's that his name? I can't remember now. He was really cool. I met John Curzey. Thurl or something.

Yeah, Thurl Bailey. Thurl Bailey. Thurl. Thurl. What happened to the name Thurl? We had Thurl Ravencroft. And Thirl Bailey. Yeah.

Thurl. Arthur. Arthur. Arthur. Arthur. Thur. Thur. Thur.

You said that a couple times the last few days. Are you thinking about trying to put that over? Yeah. Are you trying to make Thur happen? We're not getting thorough. We were trying to make, I was trying to figure out there was a nickname I presented right away. And Ian's like, never do that. What was the nickname?

Oh, yeah. What was it was? It was in the Goup chat? I feel like we've been pretty lenient, pretty liberal with nickname. I tried to Thur. No, you really hate it. I do remember the exchange, though, because it was like, Sean sent it

and you were like, we will not be calling my son that. There's like no option. He has a Tuesday. He has a pretty. It was a, it was like a pun that I think we're just being funny. Farty? Was it Farty already? I could see you doing trying something like that.

See, hey, where's Fartther at? Farther. Farther, mother. I've fabled my tongue to my lips. He just says it like that. Yeah, I can't remember. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

Time to figure out now. Your first pick. I believe in Bigfoot. Oh. Now, let me ask you this. Is that a conspiracy theory? Well, the conspiracy theory would be if people know and are keeping it from us. That is what has to be a conspiracy.

Yeah. Because just the thing existing isn't a conspiracy theory. Right? There's no conspiracy. Sure. Then I believe people know and are keeping it from us. Okay, great, great, perfect. I mean, I don't think there's much.

that anyone doesn't know. I can order who protects the foot, the brotherhood of the foot. The big foot clan. I just don't see any reason why it can't be. People are, they shoot it out. I'm like, why?

Do you think it's one of those things where it's like different names in different places like Bigfoot, The Abominable Snowman, the Yeti? Yeah. What's the one you said? Skunk cape.

Skunk cape. Skunk cape. Is that a thing? Skunk cape. Where is that saying? I think skunk cap's in the south. Scuncape? Scuncape?

Oh, Scuncape? Yeah, I don't think Bigfoot's in Southern California. That's why I don't think Bigfoot is. This is Skunk Cape. It's a hybrid, but it leans heavily indica. So just like be aware of that before you tanga. You know, it's funny because I was just talking about my mother-in-law with what a conspiracy theory is. And the definition you just said, I didn't, I read what it was.

We defined it. And I didn't know that was any part of it. I think secret, I mean, really, like, at it's purest, a conspiracy. theory is that a group of people covering up a crime. That's skunk it. Yeah. That's Bigfoot. Because they're conspiring. Yeah. Yeah. I never, I didn't even Yeah, I was like, I just thought it was something that

I believe might or not, like nobody can prove it. You know? That's kind of what I thought it was. I'm going to make you now say who you think it is that's covering up Bigfoot's existence. Even if you don't have something in mind, I'd like you to make it up for fun. There's probably, it's probably just some people, Harry and the Henderson style who like, know there's Bigfoot. Yeah. And they just let Bigfoot be out there. I wouldn't tell.

I wouldn't either. I don't think Bigfoot's living with them. It's like E.T. You don't want the men in the tents to come. Right, right. Yeah, they don't want John Lithgow to show up. Do you think Bigfoot has taken any lovers? Yeah.

Do I think there's Bigfeet? No, I mean, human lovers. Oh, human lovers? Yeah. Whoa, you got to be pretty nuts, I think, to own Bigfoot. Maybe not. Maybe he's got game. Or she?

I don't know. I haven't really thought about the hero. Well, do you think there's only one? It's like a bunch, right? It's got to be a few big feet. It's like a group. Yeah. Big's foot.

A baker's, a baker's dozen, a big feet. You think there's... A big's foot. How many is the attorney's general? 13. 13. Remember that movie with Dendaya's Michi?

Oh. Little foot? Little feet? No. What about him? I don't know what... Unfortunately, I don't know what we're talking about. Fit him in your old skin.

So what about him? Put him in your theory and smoke it. Yeah. Yeah, I think Bigfoot's out there, so... Say, what's up, bro? Can smash Bigfoot if you're watching. You think with all the satellite images, we haven't been able to find him? Well, there's probably some more people that no one just aren't telling us, the satellite imagery people.

Plenty of stuff with satellite image. Like, you have to comb over that satellite footage. Yeah. Also, he's in the trees. Huh? He's in the trees. Yeah. We discover new species of animal, like, pretty regularly.

Yeah. But it's so big. It is big. I'm with you. We took a tour in the Northwest, and really it was just like he turned it into a Sasquatch tour, essentially. And Laura was, like, just so pissed. You didn't wild because she's a zoologist?

Yeah, she's like, there's no such, there's never. And I'm like, was it not meant to be a Sasquatch tour? No, he just talked about it the whole time. It was more of a tour of like this rainforest. And then he'd be like, here's where the government bet the trees with lasers. And you're like, brother. He stopped at his house and got his charger. He's like, we stopped and get by my charger.

That guy, he owns the company. And then he goes, where he's given us tour. And he's like, so there's Joe and Karen's house. They live there for like 50 years. I'm like, who gives this shit? Talk about Bigfoot. You're going to talk about nonsense. Talk about some fun nonsense.

Not where your neighbors, how long they've been there. Anything about the elk? Bigfoot could have seen an elk. Bigfoot's probably killed an elf. About yay high compared to an elk. He's about two, two and a half. Dan and I went on a tour in the New Orleans Garden District, put on by the New Orleans. Historical Society.

So we were like, great. Thinking like, oh, here we are. We're about to get two scoops in New Orleans history. This is going to be great. We went out of our way because you can take like these in the, in the, in like the French quarter that are all like zany like what is a ghost in there?

Like that kind of doing. And this was like through the historical society. We like wanted to learn about New Orleans history. We showed up thinking like, okay, that's going to be a big tour group. It was just the two of us. Yeah. That's tough.

And right up top the woman's like, so do you guys like Anne Rice? No. The author of several vampire novels including Queen of the Damned and interview with a vampire. She's just talking about the vampire list. Yeah.

Well, not even. She was like, This is a property that Anne Rice once owned. She since sold this house. There's a rumor that she has a condo downtown. Yes. We told her no. You're having all the old men crazy.

We told her no. She's like, well, unfortunately, I only have a yes tour. We told her not really. And we've heard of her. And she was like, oh. And then proceeded to give us the Anne Rice tour anyway. And the Ann Rice tour again was mostly real estate holdings. Yeah.

And it was doing it. I mean, I guess she's doing pretty well. Yeah. If you're in event by her novels. if you care. Two and a half hours couldn't leave. Couldn't leave only ones.

So like a big tour you could be like let's peel off. How does that are you obligated that what are the like you would have at some point

could you guys just be like listen maybe we just break up yeah like a bad tender day where you're like this just ain't happening 45 minutes in and we were like

we were like we have to stick it out one of us would have had a fake diarrhea and it was still pretty early in a relationship not that early but pre fake diarrhea

Now I think maybe one of us I would fake diarrhea Yeah Sometimes you got And that's being a father That's being a father I bet you Bigfoot's had diarrhea Probably some nasty diarrhea

I'll tell you that All those berries he A lot of owl pellets and elk in there Don't you think they would have found Like a corpse That Bigfoot had its way with Like of an elk or something Also wouldn't Bigfoot have died

Also I don't think you mean to say eight Yeah why did you say that You don't mean he boned it today That was crazy Do you are going nuts Bigfoot in like the, I don't know, 40 years has died and there's like another Bigfoot. Oh, you think we would have found a Bigfoot corpse at some point? I think there's a lot of bodies out there that nobody found.

I don't know why Bigfoot's got to be any different. That's fair. That's fair. All right. Time for my first pick. I'm going to take the moon landing footage is fake. Okay. Who do you think did it?

You think we've been there? I think we landed on the moon. I think we faked the footage of the moon landing to get it out. Do you think it was Kubrick? Wait, so you think we did go to the moon? I've heard that we had backup footage. Do you think the footage we have seen is fake? Yes.

To win the space race, we were like, we need to prove it. I think we were like, let's film this just in case and have this backup footage, and I think that's what got released. What do you think happened first, the filming of the backup footage or going to the moon? Backup footage. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't they say, isn't the conspiracy theory that Kubrick did it?

That's what they say. Yeah. Do you think that? No. No, no, no, no. They're not going to get a big name. No, yeah, yeah. I can't pay that.

You think that guy that actually shot JFK did it. Yeah, I think it was him. We still need him in the kitchen cooking. A little up and comer. I think they just probably got some, like, technical directors, like, D.P. You wouldn't need, like, a director director to do it. You would just need a tripod is what you need. Government overspending, though, you know what I know.

Yeah, that's true. They had that movie, that Channing Tatum joint. That wasn't that what that was about? Tanning Chatham. Yeah. He's hot, too. Yeah, he's. Flying into the moon or something like that?

Flying to the moon. That's what that was about, right? I don't know. I never saw that one. You did too. You're up on Tatum. Lie to me. Dick Head.

I know you've been watching Channing. How come he doesn't dance anymore? Yeah, he should dance more. I think he probably got tired of being defined. He was a dancing guy in the beginning. He danced well in Hale Caesar. I like that. Did he?

Oh, yes, he did. He leaves all of that to dance in Tatum. My roommate was in it. What? He got cut out, yeah. Really? Yeah, before he went on to be a big famous guy. Wait, which one?

James Austin Jones. Oh, Josh. Oh, he got caught out of Hail Caesar. Does he have any good cone brother's story? No, he was on set for like one day. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed seeing him in the Bob Dylan motion picture.

Yeah, that was crazy. Yeah. I liked that movie. I loved it. I had a great time. I like every music biopic, though. Yeah, me too. It's a problem I have.

It's like, even that James Brown one where he was like, sometimes you got to get down. They're not getting all the rap ones. To get on up. The way I want it. It was like, yo, this is nuts. That's not how that happened. I would like to better.

Biggie and a better Tupac movie. Tupac one was awful. Now, straight out of confidence. That was really bad. But even the Tupac one, even the Tupac one, that five, that, or no, that one minute montage when he got out of jail is amazing. I eat it all up. Like, you can't get down with us anymore, James Brown.

And I'll get down with my bad self. Yeah. Like a sex machine. This is a man. world. And I'll say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud. You're like, yo.

Yeah, I don't, I'm with you. I like them all. Bohemian rap to me? Love it. Rock a man's good, though. Rock a man is good. Foe rap. Bo rap's great.

I saw that Twitter clip where they showed how bad the editing was and it fucked it for me. Yeah. When you really look at you like, this is, this is really terrible. Moon landing editing was great

Yeah they did a good job We filmed it and I think I do think we went But I think like we couldn't risk losing To the Soviets And also I think we couldn't risk like that footage Somehow getting messed up Yeah they didn't know right It would have been hard

It's insane it was 1969 right It's crazy they even did it then really It's fucking nuts Flight had been invented 60 years earlier When was Kimi off 20s? Flight had been invented 40 years earlier My age, the difference between baby me and me now was from flight to we're on the moon.

And two vehicles. And two vehicles. And about six bank accounts. Yeah. I was trying to do the same bit. You did it better. Thanks. That was really nice.

Now I'm worried. It was 1918 maybe. Kitty Hawk was in the 1800s, I thought. No. No. Yeah. How's it feel? How's it?

In the 1800s? No, but you said it was such a comment. I was scoffed at earlier. I thought it was an 1800s for sure. That was a full scoff. I love it. I love it. 193, so you weren't far off.

Okay. Okay. I knew it was like not. I didn't feel like it was warranted the scoff. I did not feel about it. I was like, that's crazy. I loved every second of it. I'm so sorry.

But I was good. I've been scoffed at a few times. And I was wrong. That was the scoffing of a lifetime. Scoff face. Scoffing. Scoffing. Oh, that was mean.

I'm so sorry. They were opening for the boss tones, dude. Scott. No, I would have. You ever play Wits and Wagers? I don't know what that is. It's a game where it's like how many hot dogs to the moon or it just, it makes you say the dumbest stuff. I'm just trying to think like how many, how long would it take to walk from here in New York?

Stuff like that where you just say numbers and they're all over the place. It's fun to do that because I like to, I don't know. Sometimes you throw a guess out and you're like, holy shit. I was like. 30,000 off or whatever. 30,000 hot dogs to the moon. 30,000 hot dogs on. Yeah, it does feel like 30 seconds to Mars, cover band.

30,000 hot dogs to the moon. It does seem insane we went to the moon in 1969. 60 years after we went to the moon before the high five was invented. That's right. The first, like, recorded high five was in a baseball game like 1973 or something. And so we had gone to the moon like four years earlier before two people were like, hey, that's fun to do. That's so funny.

I tried to buy it a bit about a guy. I'm trying to write a bit about the high-fi. Like a guy on the team who didn't think it was cool and just trying to like down it. Nobody thought it was a funny. What are we doing? Like he tried to get like the booty bump at the same time. He's like, no, no, no. The forwards do this.

And everybody's like, no. High-fice's more of like a guard thing, guys. Go on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to have our own thing. I was at NASA not that long ago and I was on the Artemis. it's going to the moon next. Pitch meeting.

In 27, I think. I got to sit on it. Yeah, they're trying to get the scripted for a while. All right, fine. I'll make the joke again. Guy code at NASA. Nice, that's good. Nassar.

What if we do guy code in this spaceship? My second. Already. I hope you can untext the nanny. Oh, I'll text the nanny right after this. When they turn the large haydron. Collideron. It shifted reality in a meaningful

and like it just shifted the fabric of reality and that's why the Mandela Effect stuff. Not Mandela Effect. What is it? The Mandela Effect stuff happens. Yeah, Mandela Effect is where everybody thought he was dead and he wasn't. That's what the Mandela effect was.

Or the Bar and Stain Bayer and Bar and Bear in the loom. Yes. So it's shifted I've never heard anything that you're talking about, really. So you're going to have to I'm afraid I'm going to ruin your night. You might have to go get a drink. You never have the Berenstein Bears thing? Do you know the Berenstein Bears? Yeah. How would you think their last name is spelled?

B-E-A-R-S? That was awesome. That was awesome. That was awesome. That was awesome. I think it's cool he did that. I think that was secretly the most clever joke ever told. We haven't done this in a while. That was awesome. Because I'm thinking of the animated. That was a dunk.

That was a slam dunk. Whether you meant it or not. It was amazing. I don't think I did. I'm thinking of the book series, the Berenstein Bairnski. I meant that you spelled the Berenstienstein part. Berenstine is their last name. I've never thought of the context.

I guess I didn't think their last name was Bairs. So I didn't do it on purpose, but that was all right. It was awesome. How do I think Berenstein is felt? B-E-A-R-R-E-R-E-R. E-N-S-T-I-N-E-I-N or whatever? Yeah, Steen. It's Stain.

It's S-T-A-I-N, like Stain. Barron-Stain Bears. Okay. So. We took quite a lot of people up. Isn't that crazy? Because people are always like, oh, no, it was Barron-Steen Bears. Everyone remembers it's Barron-Steen Bears.

So this is like one of the first big Mandela effect things. Also Shazam-Kazam. Shazam. People swear that there was a movie called Shazam that came out in the 90-star and starring Sinbad Sam was the famous No Kazam was the real one with Shaq And there's a Shazam

Shazam Shazam. Shack wasn't in Shazam? There's no Shazam. There's a Shazam now. Shack was in Kazam a movie where he played a genie. People swear there was a movie called Shazam where Sinbad played a genie. I'm talking about

what do you think they turned on that shifted the fabric? I've never heard of that. A large hadron Collider. It's like a particle accelerator, right? Yeah. Okay. To, like, I don't even know what the goal of it. If you don't know off the top, I certainly don't. You know what they're accelerating, Sean? I mean, I know they...

These nuts! Molecules. I know they knock particles together and are really, really, really fast to do something. I don't know what they're doing. They thought, like, when they turned it on, they were like, there's a non-zero chance we're about to create a black hole.

Like, that's a real thing. That's what they said? Yeah. They shouldn't have done it. They shouldn't have done it. It's in Switzerland. Oh, it's, that's right. Rudy's telling me about it. The only scientist I know was telling me.

me about it a while ago. It's like a particle physics thing. Anyway, like... So you think it got turned on? There's a conspiracy theory that when that got turned on, that due to like the... I'm not at all smart in any of this stuff, but there's like string theory posits that that they're like infinite... Multiverses?

Multiverses connected to each other where like there are subtle differences in each of them. They made a documentary called Dr. Strange. Dr. Strange. Everything ever all the one. The multiverse of madness. that like when they turned that on is just kind of fucked up some of the things and stuck them in from other

but they were subtle. They were subtle things and that's why it's like The Sinbad got hosed. Like in another in another dimension The song is actually called Swedish taboo. It is Swedish taboo. Yeah, exactly. Man.

Yeah. Hey. Shut up. You hated that joke. You sneeze on your own time. Now, Isaac, what you got to do is you got to make it look like I did that bear thing on purpose and take out anything that looks like.

I didn't. That's going to be the hardest thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to actually test. Yeah, no. Those are my first two picks. Sean, time for your second pick. The flu game. You know. Oh, yeah. What is that? Oh, what do you think? You think that he was gambling and got

hammered on it. Wait, I don't know what this is. Michael Jordan had, they called the flu game where like, yeah, he's that guy we were talking about earlier. He, I did, you'll know the details of the game more than I will, but he had a game where he was sick and everybody thought he said it was the flu. and there's a theory that he just flew to Vegas the night before and got hammered

and still had a really good game. Oh, good for him. It was like, but like Scotty Pippen was like holding him up. Yeah. I guess it is more heroic to be playing through the flu than to be playing through being fucked down. I really, it's one of those things where I'm like, I don't know who cares.

You still did it. Kids and stuff and family. You know what I mean? He's like the face. Yeah, it was Michael Jordan. We didn't know he was a motherfucker till way later. Yeah, we forget. He was, because he didn't.

didn't say anything. I didn't even know he had that weird North Carolina accident until I got older. Yeah. Yeah. He just really didn't talk a lot. No, he would just be like, it's not the shoes, bike, like that kind of thing. That's all we ever heard of say. Yeah. They plump when you cook them. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. And that and just like putting fucking Patrick Ewing in hell. Like those were the only two things we knew about him. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we didn't even know he talked shit on court like that at the time. Lived in Highland Park. Lived in Highland Park. his house is for sale every now and then. Every now and then, a big old house.

And they never say who it's who it's for, but it's like for millions to millions of dollars. And the big, a big jump-in logo in the yard has a 23 on it. And it's like full-size basketball court. Man, I would do that if I got that rich. Oh, yeah. I don't like how hammer had it.

It said hammer time. Yeah. I would just, I would maybe just get a gate that said hammer time. Yeah. Just like in my house. If you have, if you have my fence is going to spell something money. What would you just? fence spell if your fence could spell

something. Blow trees get money. Gentlemen, I think we all have... I don't think you have to be that red. Yeah. Really? Yeah. How much does that cost? I never really... We have a friend who lives in the valley who has a fence that says butterscotch meadows. Yes, we do. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one.

That was when they bought the house. That was there. They painted over the butter. It used to be very prominent. Now it says butscotch. That's his butt scotch. Butsco meadows. Batscoto. I don't want something painted on my fence. I want my fence

They have metal letters They paint it over it To make it less visible To make it less than spick Oh Yeah Because they're embarrassed To the butterscotch

Yeah Sorry I'll just get one that says I love my wife And I won't tell her Can't get too mad at that You know Like I got a sluttered fencing

What are you gonna do? The flu game was game five Of the 97 NBA finals So he should not have been Gambling and drinking the night before That was Against Utah Jazz I think it was in Utah

And the rumor was he was in Vegas Yeah Yeah, because people, but then there's also people say that, like, people say you got a poison pizza. Like, he ordered a pizza to his room, but they don't know where it came from. It's like a bunch of weird shit. That's what he claimed in the last dance, but who produced the last dance? Michael Jeffrey Jordan. Yeah.

And also, who was shit-faced in the last dance? Michael, Jeffrey Jordan, we saw that. Did you ever watch the last dance and set ten up every clip? His eyes were big bird yellow. No, he was down back. I mean, the whiskey cup, every, every single shot was at a different level. It's crazy to do the definitive interview of your career shit things. Just like, just like bricks.

Listen. The producers loved it. That process for Michael Jordan was like, okay, sit in this comfortable chair, probably in your mansion, have a drink, and we're going to hand you an iPod with footage of you busting people's ass. Yeah. And Scottie Pippen being hurt. And just tell us what you think.

Your best teammate coming up short. and then you bust in everybody's ass. He's just knocking them back. You're like, yeah, I guess I will have a drink. Yeah, yeah, that's fair. That's fair. You would get shit-faced. God, imagine being able to watch the greatest hits of your life regularly.

Yeah. And people are like, this is really going to help people during the pandemic. Yeah, people like this. It was huge for me. Okay, I'll do it for the people. Yeah, all right. I bought the shoes.

I did too. I have them on my garage. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have time for your second pick? Okay. Okay. Is this a mate?

Mm-hmm. The video games is cheating The video, wait what? Okay, hold on, go. Okay, did you ever play video games as a kid and you'd be like, it's cheating? I can't prove it. Oh, the video game is cheating.

The video game, this game is cheating. And like, yeah, contra. There's tons of games where I'm like, you can't, it's impossible. Yeah, if you get too close to video game, I think this counts as a conspiracy. Yeah, because they don't want you to. I feel like they don't, they didn't want us to know that it was, yeah, it was a kid conspiracy. Yeah, they're lying to you.

I really felt that. and bison, sometimes, just like certain things you would play. Smoke and Mortal Kombat? You're just like, this is not real. There's no way to beat folk. They're not allowing me to get my shit off. Where there's programming, right. That's like, it's just not let me do it.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really believe that. I mean, the intention could never have been, I hope a kid beats this game with a quarter, you know? Right. So they have to make it next to impossible. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you also want the kid to get far. So they keep, you know, so they. Far enough to get hooked. Because there were some games, like Contra is another example, where in the arcade, if you played Contra, you couldn't get, you had three lives and the whole screen was bullets.

There was no way you're making it anywhere fun. God damn it. We're like, where in the world is Carmen San Diego? I was pretty sure. It was San Antonio. I think anybody ever looked in San Diego. Did you guys, did you know that the guys who sang that theme song

also did the Chili's Baby Back Gribes thing? You ever seen those guys? Wouldn't that be cool if that was real? That's a conspiracy theory. Totally made that up. Because it felt like he was in the same vein, Remember? Because the guy was like, Carmen San Diego. Yeah, what are those guys up to?

I don't know. Contracy theory that they created the game just to have. Yeah. They've been behind Carmen San Diego's crimes this entire time. Oh, man. My friends and I made up a rumor that the dude. You didn't have any friends? Some guys I knew.

A bunch of friends that I was by. Some guys. Some guys I overheard at the YMCA. And I, uh... I pay too. I made up a rumor that the dude who played a bass on the Seinfeld theme and the guy who played, oh, what was it? And the guy who played bass on the night court theme was the same guy.

That's hilarious. His name was Boyd Brooks and he was a famous bass session musician. And I just started spreading that around. I was just saying it like it was a fact of ours. That sounds super real. Yeah, that's good, right? Boyd Brooks is a great basis. He was in Toto, right?

Yeah, Boyd Brooks. He played, no, he played with Toto. Yeah, his session, yeah. Toto was all session musician. Yeah, but they knew, Boyd Brooks knew Toto from like some wrecking crew stuff. Okay. But he was never officially in Toto. Alabama Shores.

He's at Barney's beanery like once a week, Boyd Brooks. Yeah, he's trio. He played when Taylor was still recording her albums in Nashville. Yeah. He played on the album. Boyd Brooks played on 22. There's Boyd's version. Uh-huh.

He's put on his own. That's just the bass track. Yeah. He also calls his chili Boyd's version. And it was because of Scooter Braun. Yeah. Go on. I want to know who's is going to be funnier and it's going to be yours.

I was going to say it's the only thing on Spotify no one's ever listened to. No, that's funny. Thanks. I don't remember what mine was. Yeah. This is, and this is going to be funny, but it's sort of embarrassing and it's something I tried to make up one time.

I tried to start a phrase. One day my buddy, Sean and I were out skating. And I was like, right, FDS, let's go. I said FDS. And he's like, what's that? And I go, fuck this shit. And I really thought it would hit. And he's like, I don't think anyone says that.

And I tried for about a month to get. people to say FDS and everyone everyone I ever did it around like Do you like my name David? Fuck this shit. Yeah, it was fuck this shit. That sucks. That does suck.

I said it and when I said it I was like, this is stupid but you can't say you're lying. FTS is kind of cool. FDS. It's cooler than FDS. FDS is the worst. FDFDF

everybody has to be like what this? DIST. Also FDS is sounds like FTS. It's close. scenario and then you'd have to correct him. And it's clunky as shit. You know what have been cool is if you said FDR?

People are like, FDR, yeah, let's roll, dude. That would have been cool. But also, fuck this shit or dish it. It's the same amount of syllables as FDS. That too, it's not shortening anything. I didn't think, I didn't long term. Do you want to hear one of the most embarrassing moments in my life? I love it.

When I was... You were there, didn't you? Yeah, I was at the wedding. I was at the wedding. When I was 10 or 11, I was at camp. And I was not like a cool kid who was like good at making friends. As you could probably tell. You're cool, baby.

Thank you. And I thought to myself like, okay, I'll game plan this. And I'll like plan in advance cool things to say. And then, you know, it'll be really cool. And I'll have cool things to say. And if I say cool things, then people want to be friends with me. So I remember canteen was a thing. Or one a day you would get either a candy bar or a can of soda.

So that's like what it would for context. And so I went up to like a cool girl. was eating her canteen and I had planned this in advance and rehearsed it in my head and I said how's that canteen treating you? Wait.

Like, because it's a treat? I don't understand. Is that it? Is it the treat thing? That's not embarrassing. It's just, it's a little 30. How come that didn't work? That's just something somebody would say

to fill the air. Yeah, I thought it was like that. I was like, get the fuck away. from me. It was just like, well, again, we were, we were, we were 10. And she was just like, how is it treating me? Well, yeah. I guess that's how dad's talking.

You didn't say like some dude, some guys having a scotch with his buddy. I do. I think it's like how uncle's talk. He's a quarantine treat me. Were you reading like a John Grisham book back in your, back in your bunk? I mean, I was. I was like reading. I love it.

She was just like, how is it treating me? And I was like, yeah, how's it treating yet? Oh, God. How is it hanging, Kimberly? How are you? It's not a cool thing to say. That's a tough, that was probably a tough walk away. How are the rents?

How are the rents back home? I really thought I was cooking. Those embarrassing things, though, like, they're so fun to think back on and just, that was like, it shook you right there. Yeah, I can feel. Yeah. did you stay for long and talk or did you immediately know you got to get out yeah that's like big gulps all right that was a right move you you read the situation you said it did not work

i think it was she was like how's it treating you and i tried to be like yeah how's it how's it how is it yeah and then she's like i don't know it's good and then i was like okay goodbye more confident you should have been like yeah that's a thing people say yeah you you don't get to make it weird. Yeah, what do you only hate it? Eat her Charleston chew? Yeah. Oh, it would take forever, too.

That's why you got him for canteen because it's the candy that last one. Says a little more about her. She was a Charleston chew. We all were. You should have said who's chewing who. Ooh. That'd have been good.

What's up, Doc? That's fun. Was she also chewish? Was she? Yeah. My camp, almost certainly, yes. You practice some chudism over there, huh? Candy bar mitzvah.

See, if I had, this is, I would have been cool in a cage. You pull out a list Like, all right, that didn't work. Is that thing? You punch up on my life. If you had a drink, I'd say, do you pour it or do you purroman? Are you purroman?

No. Purim. Purim in there. Yeah, puram in there. Nope. I used to peece so badly. Go be right for it. Yeah, we'll take our second break right now.

This episode of All Fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Draft Kings. Now, NFL fans, week one. is your shot to play free and stack a million dollar cash bag with draft kings pick six an official partner of the NFL here is how you do it could not be simpler download the draft king's pick six app draft king's easiest way to play fantasy and then you enter for free you pick more or less on six player stats for week one it's so simple my football knowledge is pedestrian but i'm going to go with josh allen obviously i'm watching hard knocks so this year i'm a bills fan

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Yeah. It is that in the 2016 election, Disney and the Imagineers of Disney were so sure that Hillary was going to win that they started making Hillary for the Hall of Presidents. And then they were so surprised when Trump won. They ran out of time. And so they just tried to make the Hillary figurine just look like Trump. Because that Trump figurine for the Hull of Presidents is so funny. And it looks like Hillary. Oh, my God.

That's insane. I've never seen that. Yeah. Doesn't it just look like they started with Hillary? It does. It looks like a Hillary bag. They didn't have time to start over. It's like the Jack Frost Michael Keaton thing where it's like.

It's Clooney. Where he draw, it's Clooney. Yeah. Do you know this one? No. The movie Jack Frost, with the, the, Snow Dad is better than No Dad, famously. It was originally Clooney, and so they designed the snowman to look like George Clooney, and then Michael Keaton was cast. But like the snowman still looks like George Clooney.

Although, they try. It looks like Keaton. In action, it's more Clooney. Is it? On the poster, they tried to do the eye. They tried to keep it. That looks like Keaton. Yeah.

It's funny to me that they couldn't just fix it. I thought it was a horror movie No, I mean, it is like a horror movie that his dad dies and is resurrected as a snowman Like that's pretty fucked up But it's not meant to be a horror movie But the mayor is more Clooney Yeah, I think in action in the movie itself

It's more Clooney They got it, they made it more Keaton for the poster Where do you think that is right now that snowman? Do you think somebody has it? I think Clooney's got it I hope Clooney's got it, yeah, let me get that But yeah, I just think some imaginere They were like, we can't start over

It's been too long. too far in. Yeah, and they spent, I think, like, the animatronics probably cost a lot of money and they're like, we could just do it. They're both all depressed. The hair really looks like it.

Yeah. The hair, you could really tell they were starting. The other option is they were just like, fuck this guy. He's not getting a handsome president. But that's way less fun. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I also think probably they're like, well, we're not going to work that hard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's my mini conspiracy theory that someone at the Disney Imagineering was doing that day.

And then, okay, I don't think recycling and I'm nervous to say this one because I think someone's going to get mad on me online but I'm going to say it and I'm with the caveat that I might be wrong just I don't think recycling actually works or does that much.

This comes up a lot. And I think the conspiracy theory is that corporations actually make recycling seem more important and better than it is. Talk to talk. Yeah, so that people individually feel like ooh, I'm doing something. I'm helping the environment.

I recycled my one can. Well, they're out there like, polluting with their private jets and doing like thousands and thousands and thousands times more than what any individual is capable of. And I think by like individualizing the environment, people are not, they're paying attention to their own individual behavior and not these like massive corporations that are doing like way more polluting. So yeah, I think.

I've never felt closer to you. I think recycling is like a conspiracy that like big companies promote. So so people can pat themselves on the back even though it doesn't really do it. And they make it think it's the same way they do where they're like, oh, don't water your lawns right now, like all that kind of stuff. Yeah, where it's like, you're making me worry about. And then people like pat themselves on the back and feel good. Like I'm helping the environment. And then you're not paying attention to like these companies doing orders of magnitude more than anything.

People like Taylor Swift in their private jets. That's what you're saying? No, I see that. I see that what you're saying. No, she can. She's too famous. There's like three people who are too famous. And she's one of them.

Like, what is she supposed to do? Who are the other two? I don't know. Tom Cruise is one of them. Yeah. Tom Cruise ain't going on a normal plane. They're just like, Taylor Swift has to go on her tour. She's bringing so much joy to so many people.

She can't fly commercial. Economy. Yeah. In so many places. Whereas the CEO of like any company can. Yeah. Who gives a fuck? No one knows what they look like.

But yeah. And so I also think like if you ran the numbers on recycling, which again, I have not done. But I think like probably like the cars and the trucks. and like the movement and the places and the facilities like I think it probably like breaks even I don't think I think individual putting environmental progress on the individual yeah is like a conspiracy overall it's tough and when it gets there whenever it gets to where that like we do have to do what we have to do like as individuals we're not going to be able to do you know like we're not we'll have like one soda a year or something that'll be like the thing where this is your

this is your can of soda or whatever you get and I do I do it. I'm recycling. I do it. I just don't think. I think that companies want you to think it gets pushed a little harder than it actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've heard that that it doesn't. Also there's like it doesn't use a lot of stuff like you can't really recycle the way. Yeah. But I think that conspiracy is that it still gets propped up even though people know it kind of doesn't work. Because these big companies like love using plastic and love doing all these things and want to kind of just be like yeah, yeah, recycle it. That's great. No, yeah, absolutely. You call it she cycling, right? Yeah. Yeah, nice, too. Recycle.

No, I lost it. She cycle. She's cycling. She deuce. She used. Yeah. She do. She poops.

David, I'm on your third pack. She deuce. She deuce. They're listening. Yeah. Oh, on the phone? How specific are we getting? Everything.

Okay. They are listening. I think they are listening in and always have been, always, always, always, and Always are going to. Of course. We're going to get recommended conspiracy-themed t-shirts on Instagram because of this. You talked about renting a tux from a place. Yeah.

And I was recently nominated for an Emmy. By the time this come out, I recently lost an Emmy. Hey. You've been mentioning it so much. You figured you may have bought a touch. And then I on Instagram got fed an ad for the tux place. Yeah. I mean, I don't think just, I think it's like a ton of people.

I don't think it's even just the people. I get James purse ads all the time. Yeah. I think it's all kinds of shit. Yeah. I think the Waymo is listening. I don't believe this at all but that's because I work in audio

and I know that the file sizes to be listening in and to interpret the data would be crazy. That's comforting. Yeah, okay, so maybe just shit in my mouth some more, Isaac. Debugged, stupid pick, you gotta go again? But it works, you get out. I'll just go kill myself.

Why don't you go punch a shark in the nose or something? We don't bother anymore you lose this one. John and I went. For things people talk about all the time. Yeah, always, always. So the best explanation I have for that is that. It sounded like you said the explanation. I'm listening.

The sex explanation for that is doggy style. Why don't you explain it to me? What about the me explanation if you're a Mexican food restaurant? Oh, I was talking about mexplanations all nightless. For the pahitas. He explained a lot of us to it. Did you? No.

We had a fun time. We drank all his booze. Yeah, you did drink all of my alcohol like this much. I had a lago with my wife. We had a lovely dog. We also watched the Google video. We did watch the Google. And we watched Google dolls perform Iris in the rain.

Oh, yeah. That is the most rock stars Wait, now I have to, did we come from Did we come from Agoo? We were talking about Aigoo earlier in the day. We watched Jerry Hussu videos first Because we had just seen the pro skater, there's a pro skater we met at E Rustic last night.

I was like he has got to watch a couple videos. So we watched those and then it was Hey Goo Goo Goo. And then Gougu dolls. I hit my tongue. Yeah, that's how it makes sense. Hey, Goo Goo Goo Goo, Gu dole. And then we watched that guy freestyle.

Yeah, then we watched Fred the God's son. Oh, on YouTube, not at E Rustic. Damn, these wings are hot. They're making my nose full of snot. No, he died of COVID. And then for everybody listening, Ian spit a little popcorn out of his mouth. No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

Anyways, they're listening, though. Yeah. That's a good one. They're for sure listening. They're for sure listening. They're not downloading, but they're listening. I think they're not downloading. I think they're just listening.

So the algorithm thing, the explanation I got is most likely you just didn't notice those things until you talked about it. No. You told you that a robot? Isaac, I've never in a million years gotten an ad for the specific tux rental place that Ian mentioned out loud. Men's warehouse. Everything on my phone that I've ever done would lead it to believe I'm not going to get married. And as soon as I proposed, it's all wedding shit.

Yeah, that's true. Everything leading up to that was like, this dude. There's no way they thought I was on that path. But you posted about the proposal. I got it before that. I started getting... You started getting wedding shit before that? Yeah.

Okay, all right. And I think it's when I started talking to my friends about it. But before that, it was like can resellers. If you don't finish the whole tuna can. Yeah, like single guy stuff. Yeah. Wait, is that a thing? Snakes.

No, but we could. We could invent it. Snakes, we could inventing bags, water beds. The Jordan Family Crest. The Jordan Family Cress. That really killed me. What was it again? Snakes, waterbeds what?

Punching, punchy, Watching bags. Yeah, that's a pretty good special for your next name. A good name for your next special. Leave them both in. Sean, time for your third pick. Sorry, I just forgot what I was going to say.

Oh, there's a secret city prepped and ready to go. Like in a mountain or something. For a rich people? Oh, like for like nuclear fallout or whatever. Like there's a city in a mountain somewhere. Just like the show with James Marston that was just out. Westworld? No, what?

Westworld? No. That's not just that. No, there was a show. No, that shows guy like silo. Anyway, there's a James Marsden show just came out about that, about like a city that's built into a new mountain after like a nuclear. Have you heard about Iron Mountain?

No. Listen to the podcast hoax for an episode that either has come out or is soon to come out, but subscribe anyway. You're doing Iron Mountain? Yeah. What's Iron Mountain? It's a hoax. It's the city they thought was in a mountain.

That's not what it is. It's a, uh, what is it? No, run it back, wait a back. It is. It's an actual. that she doesn't want to tell you about the Iron Mountain. It actually is a place in a mountain. Paradise?

But there were conspiracy theories about what government officials were doing that. It's a city that is in a mountain. It's, so I wanted you to hear, did you hear the joke? No. I said it's one of Dana's ex-boyfriends that she doesn't want to hear about him. Iron Mountain? No, I wouldn't want to hear about him at all. No, you don't want to know.

No way, dude. No, I think there's a city built. I, Ron Mountain. That guy is different. Maybe I want to hear about him. I, Ron Mountain. Hope you find happiness. Could not be happier for you.

I think you know, in my. entire dating history. I never would have to... Ron Mountain? Ron Mountain? What about the 5'8 Jewish men that they did? What about Ron Muntinowitz? Yeah, that's closer. Ron Mantinowitz, who wrote on some adult swim show or something. Yeah, that's closer. Ron Mountainowens. Yeah, I just think there's like, you know, for rich people, just ready to go. Maybe a couple doctors who's to say a podcast? Do they keep the doctors down there ready to go?

Yeah, they got to be entertained. Bring a podcast down there. Why don't you? All right. sure brother if the world ends i am not podcasting anymore i'll tell you that right now we need a comedian uh i gave that up i gave that up before the flash those days are behind me the flash is what the flash yeah the flash is what's gonna be my final pick or not my final my third pick it's far from the fun i'm gonna be uh the the disney named that movie frozen so when you google disney frozen it doesn't bring up the fact that Walt Disney was cryogenically frozen.

It's an interesting theory. Did you invent that? No, that's out there. Wait, do you think that Disney is cryogenically frozen or that they just don't want people to spread that rumor anymore? I do. I think he's cryogenically frozen. I do.

I think they all, and then also. You say cryogenically like there was another option. Well, in like seawater or I don't know. What does, hold on? What does cryogenically mean? I just want you to answer. Cryogenically? Yeah.

Cold, dude. What are cryogenics? Cryogenics? I don't know. When I watch Sleepless in Seattle. I'm racking my brain. I just keep, I just see demolition.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I see Mr. freeze coming out. I'm like, where's the cryogenic? Like super cold. I think it's like super cold technology. That's what it is.

I just looked up cryogenics and it's like, yeah, at very low temperatures. That's what it means. Yeah. Okay. Like lower than normal freezing. Fuck with me. Sorry.

Dude, I did not mean to put you on blast like that. My wife. Brother. who is a daughter and a mother and a sister and a cousin and a niece most importantly

that's most important you identify most as a niece I'm a writer I'm a mother I'm a niece she's a triple threat I'm a niece my wife is a true triple threat yeah I think he's froze up too

I think they had that script but I think they were like let's call it frozen and then that'll Yeah, yeah. With my fourth pick. Can I actually, I don't mean to disprove that, can I actually tell you the conspiracy theory of why they call it Frozen?

Yeah. I think it was originally called like the Snow Queen and they were like, fuck, we want boys to see this. And they realized like, tangled, instead of calling it Rapunzel, they're like, give it just like one vague word and then maybe we'll trick boys into seeing him.

All these boys are like, let's go see that Disney movie about fist fights. If they wanted to have, if they wanted boys to see it, they should have called a Josh Gadsett. Oh, top corn curdles stuck in my throat. I thought I could land the plane. I crashed right in the side of Iron Mountain.

Also, the snow queen sounds like a cocaine movie. I was got to see the snow queen for sure. They should have called it shot too. Josh Gad is in this. Because we love guys. That's a funny joke, baby. Boys love Gad. Why are you doing that?

Yeah, why are you making yourself do this? What's saying boys love Gad? I like God. We do. Yeah, I love Josh Gad. Love? Yeah. I think anytime Gad's in something, I'm on board.

You're having a fun. Baseballs, too, you're on board. Love it. That trailer is so funny. I mean, I know it's just Mel Brooks, like, talking with the scroll or whatever, but it is. It looks hilarious. Dana's friends and kind to my friends to help ride it. Yeah.

Yeah, that's awesome. They wrote it. Were you there? Did we see Mel Brooks together? I worked with him. Was that in New York? No. It was at the Microsoft theme.

Oh, no, I didn't know. I was it. He was me and you. And Charlene took us. Is that what it was? Yeah. I know Rob Hayes was there. and Will Miles was there.

Yeah, we saw Robin Will. Oh. Anyways. My fourth pick. Aliens have been visiting Earth for a long time and taught ancient civilizations how to build stuff. No, I'm so unhappy.

Like the TV show Ancient Aliens. Like the TV show Ancient Aliens and like that other TV show on Netflix that I made Dana sit through. What's the other TV? There's another... He watched his entire show. Friday Night Lights? Netflix.

It was so bad. What's the beef? The show, he would just say a thing and say it in a confident voice and then skip like eight steps and then just say, and this obviously proves. Ancient apocalypse.

Boy math, the show. Boy math, the show. It really is. There's just nothing that like holds water if you actually examine like the series of statements he's making. But he says it with like a confident tone and then music plays that goes like,

B'Bahm. It's the same as ancient aliens. He never says aliens. but he leaves a space for your brain to say it. So your beef isn't with the pick. Your beef is with Ian's source material and why he's picking this. Yeah. I think I know why Ian's picking this because he watched this entire show.

By the way, watching it, I wasn't like, yeah, this is making a lot of sense. I was like, this is entertaining. It's just fun to watch someone make a case. Well, like how do they build impairments? Ancient aliens would piss me off. Did you guys ever watch that show? Yeah. Because they would always be like, it was like, it was not a case.

It's like the same thing. It wasn't a case there. They'd just be like, it could have been. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, okay. Well, that's what this does. I want someone to prove a case. I want a detective to actually methodically prove it.

They can't. It's too old. Gobeckley, teppy. Gobeckle teppy. Bona. Tepie. How do they build the pyramids? Well, this is what I'm saying.

You got it so much easier. With human labor. Aliens. How you get in the rocks up there? What do you mean? How do they get rocks up there? They're putting up there. ramps.

Where did they get the pulleys from? They built them. Where do you think the people came from? Aliens brought people down here, bro. What was Prince? Yeah, explain Prince. That is true. Why is Wembe so tall?

Why is Victor Wemba Niyama so tall? That's true. Kimbo Slice. I didn't like this show of this TV. Where did he come from? Where did he come from? Where did he come from? Why don't you know who that is?

We don't know that is. Because you were on different YouTube's than we were, by the way. Where did you come from Kimbo Slice? I think Kimbo came up on our YouTube beat a little more. Today I'm being for Kimbo Slice, I've been married a long time ago. Where did you come from? We need to go. Where did you go from Kimbo Slice?

That was actually his favorite song. Yeah. No, I'm seeing the new side of him. Not like this at home. It's just about the cats. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, it is mostly about the cats. I do weird voices this morning.

Alana caught me because I thought she was gone. Yeah. And she's like, can you feed the girl, like all the animal? And I was like, I thought she was gone. And I was like, yes, I will feed all of my windows. Come downstairs, women, I give you kibble for your bellies. He's good at a rising accent. I'm doing it a lot this week.

And then she was like, I'm in here. I'm like, fuck. I created long and in-depth backstories for our cats. We. We, yeah. To mute it's a collaboration. They're a collaboration. That's fine, though.

Vietal juice is a, he basically, it's hard. It's almost too hard. It's not going to be funny when we explain it. You have to meet them and then you'll get it. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Petal juice. How's that canteen treating you? The ghost.

I believe in ghosts. I think there's ghosts. That's not a conspiracy, though. Why not? Because it's just a thing you believe in. I feel like some people know. There's ghosts. Religious folk.

Religion? Can I have a popcorn? You can have as much as you want, babe. I can't say ghosts. No one's conspiring for that, though. Who's benefiting? I think Quibono learned that from the departed. What's Quibono?

Who benefits. Oh, okay. Why does someone have to benefit? Because it's a conspiracy theory, not just a thing you believe. So that's another part of a conspiracy theory? Somebody has to benefit. No, somebody has to be like hiding it, right? Yeah.

There's a conspiracy at hand. To uncover. Conspiring, conspiracy. Okay. All right. Yeah. Like the Catholic Church is keeping from us that Jesus had a kid. Yeah.

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to take it. No, no, that connects back to, yeah. Da Vinci Club. Or the Catholic Church is hiding ghosts. All right. I believe in the Kumete. Okay. People are trying to cover up the team.

The Kumete is a martial arts tournament to the death. Now you're just thinking of movies you like. That is a conspiracy theory because that is illegal. Yeah. It's a martial arts tournament to death that people say isn't real and I think it's real. I believe in the roadhouse. I believe there is a roadhouse somewhere. Kumita Roadhouse.

I believe in the rain man. Hey, this is my condo. I call it Coomtee Roadhouse. We can't go to my place until you really know this. Bloodsport is what it's based on. Frank Dukes was this guy who, like, lied about all kinds of things. But he said he went to the Kumate, which is this tournament that was to the death, a martial arts tournament that you like, like moral combat. But for real?

It's like a popular action premise. Like they get the greatest fighters from around the world. They bring them to like an island or a warehouse or something. And they have a fighting tournament to the death. The Kumita. Are you? Yeah. You think it's real?

I do think it's real. I do think that'd be some shit some weird rich guys would get into. I think that's happening. Why not? They get like a black guy with robot arms. Yeah. Yeah.

And then like a movie star. Let's see, yeah, some guy named Johnny Cage. Remember Jacks? A famous guy. I remember Jack. The next Mortal Kombat is a Johnny Cage story. That popcorn's doing you dirty, by the way. I got to stop it.

Yeah, yeah, that popcorn's fucking you up. I got, oh, this is that unfiltered popcorn. Yeah. He got that straight. Popcorn red. Raw dog popcorn. The Kumete. Where do you think they have it?

They say it and they're in a... It's always like some island that you can't go to. I think they're in Hong Kong. Myanmar? This one, but I'm sure it's not like in a big city. Cleveland. Did you see there's a Johnny Cage? The next Mortal Kombat is revolves around Johnny Cage.

The movie? It's a sequel to the new Mortal Kombat. But yes, this one's all about Johnny Cage. Who plays Johnny Cage? Can't remember. Nobody that you know, I don't think. Did you like Johnny Cage? Did I like Johnny Cage?

No, he's the worst. Yeah. It's hard for me to believe he had superpowers because he's an actor. Anyone else I could take the walk with. But I'm like, also. Yeah, he would shoot these, these lasers at, or no, he had the fast kick. Johnny Cage. This is, this is racist.

I don't really like white guys on fighting games. Yeah, I know what you mean by that. You know exactly? You know what I'm saying? It's like never. Unless they have like a cultural thing. is more to call that one. I like how Ian, you didn't skip a beat.

You're like, yeah, I get it. I don't think it's crazy. I think it's pretty common. Dude, Ryu was the same as Ken and you hate Ken. Ken sucks. You know what I'm saying? Vega was a Spaniard. Yeah, but Spaniards are white.

Spaniards are white, white spaniards. Yeah, Vega. Vega's probably top tier. They need to have like another, they need to have a cultural thing on top of them. Can't just be some old white guy. Guy, what about Gile? Gile sucks. Is he the American guy?

Sonic boom. Sonic boom. Yeah, Mortal Kombat's where they do the fatalities They rip the spine out And mortal combat Yeah, I wasn't allowed to play this game Yeah, that makes sense Was Zach playing it?

I think my mom would not have been happy about that if he was Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he was probably They had Yeah, yeah Oh, fatalities now are crazy I've watched videos 20, 30 minutes long Of all the new Mortal Kombat fatalities

They're insane When the internet first happened I would watch videos of fatalities Yeah. You know the problem of fatality? Now I'm going to feel really old. They're too easy now, though. You can do them on accident.

If you just play Moral combat, you could just... You used to really have to... If you could do it in the arcade, people would, like, kiss your feet. Yeah. It was sick. Yeah, you could... I could do lukegings in the arcade. You could have sex with women.

And I would do it. You could have sex. You could have head or gum. Head gum. We've been doing a head gum riff, though. That's what I do when you're gone. It's the kind of stuff I talk about. David Rupertick.

Ghost don't count. Okay. You can't pick ghosts. Unless he has a benefit. Yeah, unless someone's keeping it from you. Predictive programming. What are up? Like, the idea that they soft pitch stuff to get the public used to it within the media sometimes.

Oh. Like what? Like, the weirdos on the internet, like contagion that movie and shit like that, like that type of thing. I think sometimes that could be. be rude. That is wildly eerie. We watched it early COVID and I'm like, this is terrifying. Yeah, isn't this fucked? Like, you know, or the Simpsons? You want to talk about like, man, no effect. They said social distancing in that movie. I'd never heard that word ever in my life until COVID started. I'm like, I guess I also heard it.

There were other pandemics. I never heard social distancing ever. I think that what would also be is like people who write these things and direct these things go talk to experts who have had phrases like social distancing and everything like academically or like with like bird flu and stuff. But then, so they put it in their movies because they're like, oh, that's that good shit. That's what people actually say. Yeah. And then when it comes here, those same experts are like, so we're going to want a social

distance. And people are like, oh, like the movie, you know, like that kind of thing. Also, Dana and I are part of the predictive program. That's what I, that's the whole point of today. Yeah. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it. Oh, a married team of writers.

Okay. That's normal. They just put us together American style. We don't even know each other. That's how it starts. a few guys. And you saw our show about Boeing whistleblowers

getting marked? I'm just saying it's a little too successful to be real, y'all. It has to be in front. I've spoken to both of you. You're not that funer. No, predictive programming,

that's my pick. That's, yeah, that's great. Sorry, I was trying to find examples of predictive program. I'm having trouble speaking. It's the popcorn. It is that popcorn really good. Got me.

Smart pop, more like dumb pop. Get it. Get it. Get it. Get them, baby. There's so many times people... I'm an Emmy-nominated writer now. Hell yeah.

There's so many times people say stuff and I wish I could do the Harlem Shake. I know what you mean. That would have been awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even want to start to pretend to try. And fat guys looked cool when they did it. You remember seeing fat guys do the Harlem shake? I'm not going to...

Damn it. I thought I was going to do it. Find it on YouTube being. Don't don't We'll watch it later That was not If you see what it is And then you see what he did

It was a I started doing almost like a You did tavia Yeah Oh like a debt Like when you dab No Please stop

They don't like It's time for your fourth And final thing You don't like it when I'm Fourth and fifth Two picks Okay sorry This is my list

I feel like I need like Reader glasses It's my list I think mattress stores I don't want to live forever Don't let them I'm doing my pick.

I think that... It's scary. I think that... Mattress stores are up to something. Yeah? Oh, yeah. That's a big one in the community. That one I actually do believe because by our house,

there's a giant mattress store. It's so big. I bought a mattress there. Did you? My first ever gig in L.A. that I got paid me $1,000 a week for six weeks. And Claro Cain drove me over the... there and I bought a mattress. Okay, well, I have walked by that mattress store probably every day for the last three years. Never seen anyone in it. Never seen a single person in it. One time,

I swear to God, I saw an employee napping on the bed. I've seen that. I saw that in a mattress store walking to the club in Sunnyvale, Rooster T. Featherer. I was walking there. And there was a guy in there just like, and it was like 6 p.m. Yeah, napping. Bro. All windows, lights always on. I'm just money laundering like in plain sight. Yeah. And beds are expensive. Yeah. But they're not as expensive as cars.

And it feels like they sell them about as often. You know what I mean? Like maybe less. And I think even less often because now people are buying mattresses online all the time. Yeah. I bought not this one, but the one before I bought my mattress on. They can get them so small.

They can get them so small. It's crazy. And then it takes like three days to like fully fill about it. That is one of the most satisfying things when you cut that plastic open and the ditches goes, I was like, what's that? mattress stores. You know, right? I did not know. You don't know the answer? They're probably money laundering.

Most places are. Yeah, so that's my, I think a conspiracy is happening there. Last pick. I think conservatives are seeding fake liberal outrage online to make liberals look dumb. Oh, yeah. Like, I think that they are purposefully, like,

the most extreme version of like, I don't know, like that's Sidney-Sweeney ad when people were really going off and like saying like, oh, Sydney Sweeney's a Nazi or whatever. Yeah. I think conservatives were with like fake accounts we're saying a ton of like the most extreme leftist stuff so then they

conservatives can be like see it's racist to think a girl with big boobs is hot so be conservative so I think they've just gotten better at the internet and are making fake liberal outrage that they can like straw man I don't you familiar with dead internet theory with just like their robe

like the idea that there's yeah there's it's all just it's like mostly we're not interacting with real people I totally Totally by that. Yeah. So I think a lot of like liberal, a lot of liberal outrage is perpetuated and then continued by conservative bots

or conservative actors to make leftists look down. Russia and China and any other country that has any, and like I think we do it to other places. Yeah. Like, yeah. Do you think it's the same on the other side? Because I feel like when I go on like threads or some shit and it's like always a canned like Donald Trump's going to live forever

and you're like, this doesn't even make any sense. I think that's also just like fake accounts, but I think they're better at it than us. Because they, we like keep falling for the outrage. That's fair. I think, like, actual people on the left will, like, be like, all right, well, I guess we're mad at Tidney-Sweeney. Maybe we should be.

I don't know. I didn't really look into this. I think we're prone to. We all madness to you. Yeah, we are like, all right, well, I guess we have to get on board in a way that they know that they can, like, push that button. What's like that book you were telling me about, David, about the seven, the American nation.

Oh, that book we read. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the Puritanism and the community-based stuff, like going hand-in-hand. Like, there is a lot of that. We are prone to, like, purging it. I read it. Okay, whatever it was. Something like that, yeah.

That's a great pick. I don't even know if I've, like, I just, that's, I think, just true. Yeah. David, your final pick. MJ is aunt's dad. Yeah. Okay. Yes.

Here we go. The MJ inquiries. question is Michael Jordan. Anton question it's Anthony Edwards of the Minnesota Timberwol. Oh, people think he's dad.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They look super. Why would they hide that? It's like, well, because MJ's a piece of shit. Oh, sure. Yeah.

And he would have been a bastard, right? Yeah, he's trying to dickroft all over the place. But isn't there something, there's like a timeline. Oh, my God. And he never knew his father. Oh, wow. And same, well, Jimmy Butler actually knew his father's.

Yeah, they say the same thing about Jimmy Buckets, too. But Jimmy actually knew his father. Right. But this guy did never knew his father? He knew of his father. Clearly, his father was the most famous guy on the planet. Yeah, does that choose, in fact? I love that one.

Yeah, me too. Because, I mean, it does happen sometimes in, like, Jalen's road, Jalen Rose's dad just didn't, is an NBA player who just didn't claim him. I think it's not like a stretch to, I think that's a thing that happens a lot. Here's the only hole in the theory is Michael Jordan had two sons who he did acknowledge. and does acknowledge, and they both sucked. You know, but that's, that's on Juanita. That's on Juanita.

That's not on, that's not on Mike. That's not on Mike. No, because look at Anthony Edwards. That can't be like. One of them can dunk is all I'm saying. Juanita can't dunk. That's all I'm saying. She might be able to.

That's why he was stepping out. I would love a few out of that's on Juanita shirt. It says that's on Juanita with a jump man logo. going in the back says Juanita can't dunk Whoa That's so funny It would be a sleeveless tea Not a tank top like a

You know what I'm talking about Michael Jordan's sleeveless tea Yeah that his specific brand of sleeves The one that had like cowls on It had like partial sleeves Yeah Those sleeves that oh those are crazy They made little boys look so bad

So bad especially little fat boys Look so bad We look awful. Yeah. God. That's on Juanita. Yeah, that's on Juanita. But yeah, Aunt is, yeah, I love it.

It's a fun story. Does it, Ant's doing good. I mean, he's got his issues personally. Sure. There's going to be, well, there'll be future. Ant is so-and-so's dad in the future. Yeah, yeah. Because he's paying child support and lump sums.

Really spreading it out. He switches out. Really. You can do that. Lump summing it? Yeah, I didn't know that was a problem. Claring it. Clearing it off the book.

He said, he was like, I'm out. What are you looking to me for? No. No, I'm not paying any child support. Sean, your final pick. I think we could go much longer between oil changes. I like that.

I like this. I like this telling us that we need to change every, what, 2,000 miles? Something like that. Get off me. That's wild. I had a car for two years. I did not change the oil once That's on me

No, this is the centron And the engine blew up Because they were trying to silence me Yeah, they tried to blow up my truth They're trying to get rid of the truth The proof Fuck you, dude Wait, but what happened

After that two years? But the point is I didn't have to change I put on like 80,000 miles I didn't, I mean I think you could probably go 10, 20 I just don't think it needs to be every 2,000 miles or whatever every 7,500 miles.

That sounds more right. I still don't buy it. I mean, or three months or whatever in six months. That's what I'm seeing on the internet. They recommend that. Also, if you don't have like a commute, that's like a long time. I think we can go a long, long, long, long time

without changing your oil. But I like this because I see who's benefiting, big car. See, I'm learning stuff about conspiracies. We need a beneficiary, a benefactor. No, a benefactor pays for your stuff. Sure. I got, so I thought, like I got my, Do you know that short for pepperoni?

That is true. No. What? God, stick with it. You're doing shame lines. What do you know how to leave that? The pepperoni boys? Get your oil change of pepperoni boys.

I wouldn't do that. That was just their last name. And they were like, nobody's a tech and I see you. We got to change it to paper boys. I got my way to change the jiffy loop. Then my engine died for a different reason I found out. But the mechanic, or when the tow truck came to get it, he's like, oh, don't don't go to jiffy loop.

It's trash. And I'm like, why? Why? Why? They changed the oil. I don't see why it would matter who changes your oil. Yeah, I don't think it does. Change it out. So he had his own conspiracy theory.

That they were making the oil change worse. Yeah, he said Jiffy Lou was bad at it. They don't even wear bow ties. They're all hats. My roommate who worked a grease monkey and he loved it. No one got in a fist fight. Short for grease errone. Yeah, not enough.

Oil canneroni. More popcorn came out. You have a popcorn does not like what's happening. That's okay, man. A popcorn didn't like being in your foul mouth today. My final pick, the final pick of the draft. Denver Airport is Illuminati headquarters. Yes.

Oh, yeah. That shit is so weird. Oh, yeah. Don't you think they would want a more scenic location? No. No. I think it's in the middle. They want to be out on the prairie away from everything.

Yeah. It's in the middle. They're like, they're out of the way. The paintings are insane. Insane. But don't you think that if you're in the Illuminati, you'd want to go to like the South of France or somewhere glamorous. Who wants to go to the Denver airport?

They're going to bomb Paris. Yeah, it's going to get cooked. You're in the middle of the country. What did you say another Denver airport? Nobody wants to go there? Exactly, babe. Yeah. And the gargoyles.

Have you seen the paintings, though? They are. No. You should, it's really. They're insane. It's really fucked up. It's like, like, it doesn't make it, you're like, if this isn't predicting some weird future apocalypse and like military coup, it's,

It's really bizarre. You're not exaggerating. No, I'm not exaggerating it. It's like the one where like the children are weeping underneath the soldier with like the gun and the sword. It's, it's an airport?

Yes, there's no reason for it. It's crazy. Hold on. It doesn't get you psyched to travel. I'll tell you that. No reason. It's not comfortable.

Yeah, I want like a mural of like a sky with some clouds, like a happy plane. No, this is. There's the blue Mustang. Oh, yeah, that Mustang's insane. The red-eyed blue Mustang on the outside.

Killed the sculptor. Yeah. While he was building. right? It fell on them. Do you know that? Yeah. The horse outside of the Bronco or the Mustang, it fell on the sculptor and killed it. And they still put it up there. It's got red eyes. My phone is trash. You can't really sell it. It's very strange. They're all

very, very strange. Yeah, I don't love the vibe of this. No, everything about it is bad. This is, it makes me uneasy. And I think, so since you brought it up, I think that goes to the city in the mountain that I'm talking about. I think the tunnels from the Denver airport can get you to get you where the city on. All the way to Cheyenne Mountain. The way to Cheyenne Mountain. There's like tunnels under there.

There was something about how they built. It like they built a whole airport underground and then another one on top of it, something like that. Yeah, it's spooky, man. It's real. And it's just the airport that I'm at the most, which sucks. You and me both, bro. Yeah.

Anyway. There it is. That's just there. You can walk by that painting. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? That like soldier with a machine? You guys?

Yeah. It's like hitting a, yeah. In a country. We've never from a country we've never heard of. That looks like Captain America would have to show up and take that down. Or Captain Planet, but definitely a captain. Yeah, there's a horse. Dana, you've never seen this horse?

Blusifer. Fell on the sculptor and killed it. And they still put it up. They put that murder and shut up. That's what you see on the way in. Eyes glow red at night. Yeah. What?

Huge generals. That's the first thing you see when you pull into the airport. Who signed off on this? Fucking Illuminati, dude. That's crazy. Yeah. It's real spooky. Yeah.

And it's like, why is it so far out? The old airport was in. Stapleton. It's way far out there. Like just the edge of them. Easily the farthest away airport that I know of. All right. I watch a manis. There's nothing. I'll watch a Netflix documentary. It's near Elizabeth.

That's how far away it is. And that's where some real conspiracies are down. Why did the SamTalil start a tight end? That's one. I heard David lost every fight he's ever been in. I'll kill you. You don't talk about me like that.

Nobody ever wins a fight. Roadhouse. That's a real place, by the way. Roadhouse, Kumite, Tombstone, and Entourage. There you go. What were the old ones? Entourage ballers, succession, and...

Ian hadn't seen Roadhouse until we met. We watched it together. That's true. I knew that Ian hadn't seen it and I said, we got to watch this movie. You're going to love it. I loved it. Yeah, it's crazy.

What else? There was another one you got him on that I was trying for years. I can't remember what it was. It was one of them, though. It was a specific one. Belly? Dana's like, you got to watch Belly, man. I don't know what that is.

I can't remember. To recap, Danny, you went first. We draft a conspiracy theories, we kind of believe. You took, JFK was shot by a Secret Service agent. The Trump at the Hall of Presidents is actually Hillary Clinton. Recycling is, not doesn't work, but it's like propped up by corporations. Mattress stores are up to something. And conservatives are receiving fake liberal outrage online.

David, you went second. You took Area 51 exists. The video game is cheating. They're listening. predictive programming and Michael Jordan is Anthony Edwards' dad Sean, you went third you took people know that Bigfoot is real

and they're hiding it from us the flu game, Michael Jordan flu game Iron Mountain, the kumatae is real and you don't need to really change your oil in your car honorable mention of ghosts shout out to ghosts I went last I took the moon landing

footage is faked the large Hadron Collider shifted reality when they turned it on the Disney frozen conspiracy theory. Aliens helped build old civilizations and the Denver airport is the headquarters for the Illuminati or the New World Order. Can I say one? I think the sex stuff is in the Disney movies.

Oh yeah, I think it is. I think the leaves spell sex. I don't know. Clearly, I don't know what a conspiracy theory is. So I don't know if that would count, but like they take off her clothes or there's a boner on the Little Mermaid box. What is it? They say teenagers take off your clothes or something. I always believe that. Seems like something an animator would sneak in there because it'd be hilarious to them. Isaac, do you have a conspiracy theory? Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to do that. I think the Dallas Mavericks were rewarded for trading Lucas to Lakers with Cooper Flagg this year. Yes, they were. I think that was completely rigged draft. 100%. Same with Zion Williams. What's the other draft they say is rigged too? Frozen envelope.

Yeah. I think the Pelicans got Zion because they traded AD to Lakers as well. Yep. Anything that helps out the Lakers. Who's doing it then? Who's like in the league? The league. Because they want good.

They want a good sport. It's entertainment. They want good sport. They want, well, they want the entertainment of it. Yeah. So, like, the whole league as a whole, like everyone who pulls the strengths, they want the Lakers. They pick the Lakers to be like the team.

The league is better when L.A. is good. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Except for not the other L.A. team. Not the Clippers. No, that's on you, buddy. Yeah, they don't care about you.

Poor decision. You grew up here. You know. Who was on the Clippers when you got here? In the bad ideas draft, I almost took choosing the other basketball team that doesn't win anything. it's insane what year did you pick them

I was 11 10 10 so who was on the clippers Elton brand Isaac his name is Elton Hey there's a lot of good Elton's in history Who played basketball? Who who I can't even think of one other one Ellen John He can't dunk

He's a small man Juanita can never Winita yeah He's no Juanita That was a terrible big I mean the clipper is not. Yeah, bad idea. No, it was a good pick the thing. Have you heard the conspiracy theory

that Marissa Tomey didn't actually win the Oscar for my cousin Vinnie? Oh, and somebody like... With the envelope. I don't believe that one because she deserved it. Yeah. I like it. She was so good. But like, if you go back and watch the clip, people are like, oh, she didn't actually, she wasn't supposed to win. Do you think that someone like

took over? I didn't even know she won an Oscar for that. Yeah. Yeah. What was the last time somebody for supporting? Yeah. What was the last time that went to a comedy. Somebody in a comedy. Very rarely.

I know. Usually you can sneak in with a nomination. But like an actual take it home in a comedy, that seems, that's wild. Yeah, they don't do that all that. I mean, comedies are the worst movies now, too. Yeah. Well, I can't. We'll have to look it up.

We'll have to look at our favorite Oscar wins. A draft. That's a good draft. It's a good Oscar wins. Haven't we done that? Our favorite Oscar wins? No, we haven't done our favorites. Well, we want to hear your conspiracy theories that you kind of believe.

us up at all fantasy podcast at gmail.com or hit us any of us up separately on social media you know your spooky conspiracy theories ghost wise yeah like a pair haunted or anything yeah let me know who stands the name when we silence the ghost yeah how much is anne riceworth yeah well i got a tour you can go out yeah that's how i want to spend my time in one of the greatest cities i know that's what's so bad that's so much history you've been walking by a bar and like you know like great music will be coming out. There was one point, this is true. I'm sorry to, she was like,

oh, and in this house there was like this gruesome murder. And Ian and I were like, yes, finally. And she goes, but that's too icky to talk about. And she just kept going. And Ricewood frown upon that. Yeah. Too icky for the New Orleans tour. Yeah.

Kelly Jordan was giving you the big easy. Yeah. It might as well be the big icky. Move to Chattanooga. It isn't, it's a sticky icky city. The big. I don't mean weed, that too, but it's sticky and it's sticky. Yeah, no, the weed I got.

Oh, actually, shout to everybody at Sports Drink, who's been blessed me with weed. I made a bunch of jokes about how it is the worst weed I've ever bought is in New Orleans a few times, and they've really been coming through. And I took that personally. That's what they did. They did, they said personally. Shout to everyone on the AFE Patreon, where you can find auction drafts,

bonus episodes, this or that episodes, mailbag episodes, all that stuff, live episodes as well. That New Orleans one coming out. Yeah. Or it will have been out by this time. Shout to everyone on the AFE, celebrate to the AFE. Shout out to mega producer,

Isaac Gley, on the ones and twos. Shot to say it's Sue Carmel. Shout to Frank Oshund, shut out to Sid the dudes. Shout to Hodgibhits, more important than all that. Tune to get next to another brand new episode of all fantasy, everything. Shagherty!

That was a hate gum podcast. I'm Tignotaro. I'm May Martin. And I'm Fortune Feemster. And together, We're handsome. What is handsome? Well, it's a state of mind.

It's how you feel. It's whatever you want it to be. Handsome is also a podcast hosted by us, three stand-up comedians you may have seen on your TV. We swap stories, share life updates, and occasionally laugh until we cry. Every episode, we answer a question from a celebrity friend. People like Sarah Silverman. It's Stephen Colbert.

It's Reese Witherspoon. My name is Mindy Kaling. Hello, Handsome Podcast. It's Jen Anniston here. You gorgeous, W. so if you're looking for a positive joyful show guaranteed to make you giggle check out handsome jump right in with whatever episode tiggles your fancy or start from the very first episode listen to handsome on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on youtube new episodes every tuesday and friday and don't forget keep it handsome