All Fantasy Everything - Cookies (w/ Shaker Samman, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

HAPPY HOLIDAYS from the GVG! Obviously we love the season and what better to draft than "Cookies!" Go ahead and grab your favorite one and treat yourself as we get silly!    Episode Guest: ...Shaker Samman @shakersamman IG: @shakersamman   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On this episode, we're drafting cookies! Joining us is our special guest, our special last-minute guest, our Johnny-on-the-spot, our fucking friend,
Starting point is 00:00:24 our fucking G, dude, our our Johnny on the spot, our fucking friend, our fucking G, dude, our fucking man on the scene, our fucking dude in the bakery, our fucking cookie dough in the fridge, dude, chilling so the proteins in the dough hold together. It's Shaka Saman!
Starting point is 00:00:42 You know Shaka from coming in last place in the Great british bake-off fantasy league we were just in together even though he administrated the whole thing oh that's a bad beat i'm sorry but it was tough shocker from uh writing for the ringer for writing for sports illustrated for writing for his work in the great the best the best american sports writing, 2022. I did that. 2021? 2022. The story was 2021 for Sports Illustrated. The book was 2022.
Starting point is 00:01:10 The best. They don't put anybody's in there. There's none better. Ding-dongs? Get on board. Fucking pricks. Sorry for cussing in the intro. Sorry for cussing in the intro. Icarimuses?
Starting point is 00:01:20 Jackasses? It is. Joining me as always are two other guys who are the best, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that had to do the intro over again, just, you know, just because there's certain credits we can't talk about. There's certain things we can't talk about on here, all right?
Starting point is 00:01:55 Can we allude to how we can't talk about them? Yes, I sold a pilot to the O Network. Okay. Whatever. It's their first sitcom. Dude, that would be amazing. Your show, The Male Caftan? Yeah. whatever yeah it's their first sitcom dude that would be amazing that your show the male caftan yeah i think it's a queer eye where you go around teach your men how to wear
Starting point is 00:02:12 a caftan on the o network is something i'd be into oh that could be good yeah that could be good yeah and you know if i know what a caftan is what's a caftan thank you sean yeah it's the cousin to a balaclava that's right okay a caftan is like it, Sean. It's the cousin to a balaclava. That's right. A caftan might appear like a muumuu. It's like a big flowing sort of dress. I thought you meant calf tan.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Like his tan calfs. Like some Jack Grealish happening. Yeah, I'm watching the World Cup. Speaking of Morocco. Yeah, dude. Morocco's out there. Sorry to all? Some Calif-Tan. Speaking of Morocco. Yeah, dude. Morocco's out there. Sorry to all the Brits, dude. Sorry to the British brubs.
Starting point is 00:02:49 This is going to be coming out long after you're aware. I'm not either, dude. My family's from France. Fucking suck it. Wee. Limeys. You redcoats. No, shout out to our British listeners.
Starting point is 00:03:02 We love you. We're going to come see you one of these days. There's some brubs in there, man. Oh, thereubs yeah dude harry kane dude good for one penalty kick not good for the other you know i as as the resident soccer boy here i'll say uh i was in guitar i did watch some games i am fresh when did you get back i got back like a week ago uh right before the knockout round started. So my dad, we basically have only one real rooting interest in my house, which is like the U.S. is number one. And then any Arab country is number two. And then like France is three.
Starting point is 00:03:36 But so my dad, who, you know, is not a Jersey man, does not smile often, does not show a lot of emotion. The second Morocco won the game against Spain calls me and says, I bought us matching Morocco jerseys. And I'm like, yes, this is everything I need from life. It gets here on Monday, right before the semifinal game.
Starting point is 00:03:56 And I'm just going to be out here rocking my Atlas lions Jersey. I believe you'll be Moroccan. Your Atlas lions. There is a winner Ian Carmel Moroccan me crazy how was Qatar what was that like okay so very quickly
Starting point is 00:04:17 mentioning and just putting aside the real ethical and moral concerns and the fact the World Cup should not have been there as a soccer fan maybe the best single world cup you could ever go to because really yes because you know so i was at brazil in 2014 and like the the world cup will also be in the u.s right in a couple years in canada and mexico right in canada and mexico it's shared and it'll be 48 teams that will be bigger than it's ever been um but even then even then, so like we're in LA, we're going to, I'm going to go to games
Starting point is 00:04:47 in LA. There will only really be a game in LA every three days or every four days because Qatar is so small. There are eight stadiums within an hour of the middle of their only city Doha. So you can not only go to a game every day, you could even go to two games a day. So that's just like someone who's just there to watch games and doesn't have her like, you know, I didn't go to a game every day you could even go to two games a day so that's just like someone who's just there to watch games and doesn't have her like you know i didn't go to any us games i was working during those but would just to like watch soccer there's literally nothing better because i was like cool in the morning i saw ecuador senegal and then in the afternoon i saw a different game and it's like whoa right like that's awesome soccer some on while you were there can you uh yes no not actually well they
Starting point is 00:05:26 call them they call them football some more there it is american soccer some on yeah i got to got to watch a bunch of soccer got to speak arabic a bunch which was really fun i really eat oh man eats arabic food there's nothing better nothing better than good arabic food in the middle east it really might be then like i i feel like every time i do a food ranking in my head i i always sleep on like middle eastern food but then when i find like what i actually eat the most when i'm off when i'm off the chain it's usually a fucking like a hummus plate dude or a messy plate yeah man you would get those a lot at the crib back back of it meat it's just grilled meats and spices we just don't have any like heat you know what i mean we don't do spicy food yeah whereas like you know my fiance is korean she loves spicy food and if i have like one tenth of what she thinks is hot i am like
Starting point is 00:06:13 crying and sweating from my head yeah but the koreans are freaks dude yeah they like that fucking that spice dude don't tell lani we said that he and he's feeling you know what i mean they're like what they like getting spicy dude she's gonna break the door down and beat me to death like she would agree she would agree they like getting freaking freaky with the spice dude like i can't handle myself crazy about them incredible fried chicken oh yeah so good korean fried chicken is nuts because they use cornstarch instead of flour in the batter. So it gets so crispy. Also, grated barbecue. They're kind of coming for us.
Starting point is 00:06:49 Laura and I were just talking about this. Can you drink at the soccer games in Qatar? So you can't. You can't drink at the stadiums. No, no, they banned it. I didn't know that. But that's not actually as wild as you think. So in Brazil, this country, you think, of course, they're drinking at the games.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Alcohol had been banned in stadiums for decades until the World Cup came and FIFA forced the government to pass a law that reallowed alcohol in stadiums. We talk about how dark FIFA is. Oh, yeah. I mean, we can do this for an hour. Man. Dark. Imagine if they outlawed alcohol in stadiums here. Buffalo Bills tailgates would be way worse.
Starting point is 00:07:24 I would have nothing on my Instagram. Maybe they wouldn't be going through tables up there. To be fair, they just do that sober. Yeah, that's right. That's just a co-star. How many Buffalo Bills tailgate videos have you watched in the last year? Just accidentally off your fight video tree. It's the same as fight videos.
Starting point is 00:07:42 They're fight videos. The whole algorithm is stadium fight videos. That's the same as fight videos. The whole algorithm is stadium fight videos. That's what it is. It's dudes getting in fights at stadiums. It's scary and I watch them all. Every time on the pod you talk more and more about this, it's like, this is a really specific kink that Sean has.
Starting point is 00:07:58 Oh, yeah. It might be a kink. That might be the right word. I did text David late one night and I was like, hey, I like the videos. But I finally just admitted to myself david's good at finding videos too that man sent me videos of two moose fighting once and i can't stop thinking about it some good moose fights on deck you love a moose fight i love a good moose fight he's the bill harper of the group jason sends me fight videos all the time well i like finding a weird video and being like hey sean this guy dances like you yep there was some uh some dude seawalking to um oh man
Starting point is 00:08:33 you might have sent it to me david it was like a country song or some bad story i probably sent it to you that applebee's song what's applebee's song oh no wait gotta like me oh i was thinking about the black eyed peas song what you want oh apple oh yeah that's the restaurant not not fergie they got an apple the app not an applebee's though applebee's app why didn't that ever happen i don't have time for that i know applebee's did one dollar long island iced teas oh yeah yeah they probably did that one time i shirts came off i i went to an applebee's with a college friend our senior year and i don't remember leaving but i ended up at home somehow oh yeah no i finished out.
Starting point is 00:09:28 I've gotten rowdy in Applebee's quite a few times. This place in Sioux Falls called the Thunderbird used to do $2 you call it, where you just get two bucks and you can bake any drink you want. So it could be like a glass, like give me a pint of whatever. It was crazy. And they had this cover band like a pint of tequila. Those do those drink. Dude, back in the day, Denver had this place band like a pint of tequila those dude those drinks dude back in the day denver had this place called the lancer lounge uh it was called power hour i think it was like
Starting point is 00:09:51 friday or saturday from six to seven it was free drinks for an hour what's so crazy you just hit that's like there was this bar in chapel hill that for some reason never checked my id and i was definitely underage. There's a statute of limitations on that. That's fine. Uh, and they would do quarter beers and it was like bad beer, but I would just come in with like whatever I didn't spend on laundry that week and leave in a cab that someone else paid for. Yeah. Yeah. The, uh, the broken record in San Francisco used to do that on Fridays too too. But it was only Rolling Rock. And it was like for two hours or until the keg ran out.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Is Rolling Rock still around? Oh, definitely. That was one of my college beers of choice, Rolling Rock and Yinglings. I mean, the problem with Rolling Rock is you can drink five million of them. Five million of them. I don't feel like I've seen them. Maybe my brain is protecting me from seeing rolling rocks anymore. I feel like it's a lot more east coast down south
Starting point is 00:10:49 than it is west coast. I used to see them in Portland all the time. They were Midwest for days. We had them in Tupac. Oh, really? I don't think I've seen a rolling rock in Los Angeles. You know, people do the... Maybe they're feuding with the Latin Kings or MS-13.
Starting point is 00:11:03 I haven't seen a rolling rock in a while now that I think about it. But yeah, I've had some times. I haven't heard that name in a long time. The Rolling Rock. I mean, shout out to Argonaut. Argonaut has $2 Rolling Rock Tallboys. Red Eye's got, Sioux Falls got Red Eye all the time. It's twofers all the time.
Starting point is 00:11:22 That guy from Sioux Falls is Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mill Jordan on the Instagram instagram app you can find that on your phones you can find that on uh your desktop though it doesn't work quite as well i'm here at this very moment this is coming out when the 22nd december 22nd yes yeah sean has returned from a successful trip to to new york city yeah yeah boston were dope new york you were dope these new kicks rule and uh it was fun hanging out with jay-z and i would say to all of that come december 29th and watch simon gibson you will not be disappointed maybe some other people are going to be in town maybe some other people are going to be in town i gotta get the night off huh i don't know no oh
Starting point is 00:11:59 should you get the night off yeah yeah you should get the night i'm on like yeah i mean well see this is what i wonder because i they're not you got to be calculated now i have to be calculated so it's like i don't want to burn one for no reason like i can i don't quite get i don't get lit like i used to well no no i can be out but like there's different you know different so i just want to make sure if i get the night off yeah yeah got the night i'm more of a let's get dinner before then let's get hammered after man that is that ain't a hard sell ever yeah so the problem though is i don't love getting i don't love being i don't love eating right before i perform yeah i don't need a beefy dinner yeah we ate a can right before the portland afe and that that hit right it did i barely ate though i was i was just chilling i got some pad
Starting point is 00:12:40 tie before my last show and it was okay yeah well either way some people might be at that show that aren't normally around so you should definitely come because of that uh the guy who got pad thai recently david boy cool guy jokes 87 on instagram the g is silent on twitter he's back i'm back he's on he's back on twitter wait no no no no he punished you long enough he's back no no no elon struck a deal you know this comes out in two weeks i'm not out here hustling backwards guys two weeks elon reached out dude elon and elon's good uh friend david borey they're good friends and they have been for a long time and he greased the wheel said hey we need we need very specific tweets about scenes from paid in full we need you back we need you back dude i was like sure come see me december 22nd through the
Starting point is 00:13:31 25th at the jimmy kimmel kimmel comedy club in las vegas and after that i'm going on vacation don't talk to me you ever call that thing a paint in full? Nope, neither. I'd rather we not. Maybe if I got it up. Nope. A painting? Go see David in Las Vegas. It's going to be fun. Merry Christmas.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Shocker is here. Hi. At ShockerSaman on Twitter. Right? Platforms. Oh, yeah. At ShockerSaman. When you have a name like this,
Starting point is 00:14:05 you don't really have to fight for usernames. I'm with you. You wait until the newest platform comes out. I'm going to snake it so quick. Yeah, Sean's on Parler. Sean's on Gab.
Starting point is 00:14:15 I was going to say Parler was the only one I could think of. Uh-huh. I know what all these are. The second most followers on Truth Social. Fifteen. Sean, I meant to congratulate you.
Starting point is 00:14:24 You got verified on Gab. That was a big day for you. Yeah, that's huge, dude. January 6th was a big day for me. Everything else pales in comparison, but I'll take that. January Jones, January 6th. That's your big two.
Starting point is 00:14:34 Yeah, we're going to- Either way, it's a Sioux Falls affair. We're going to hit the mark next time. Shaka, he's returned from Qatar. You can find his work in the best american sports writing of 2022 the man's talent what have you been up to where can people where can people fuck with you you you can you can find me sending terrible tweets at shocker saman on twitter you can find me sending very cute pictures of my dogs on at shocker saman on instagram
Starting point is 00:15:01 and uh if you're just around the Hollywood Farmer's Market on Sundays in Los Angeles, you might see me there too. I've been known to find a tomato. I've been known to find some fresh breads. You can find them losing in our Great British Bake Off Fantasy League. You can find them losing in our NBA Keeper Fantasy League. Oh, okay. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:15:19 I'm good at that one. The Bake Off League, I'm trash. Where are you at right now? I'm in first place in the division in the NBA League. I think I'm going to lose this week because I forgot to set my lineup on Sunday. I am also going to lose this week because I accidentally left our good man Luka Doncic on the bench twice. But no, I'm good at that. The Bake Off League, I need to address the slander.
Starting point is 00:15:42 That's not really slander because I did come in dead last. So we drafted our bakers before the season. You draft five bakers. And I'm like, oh, I'll pick Mazem because she's young and a young person always as well. Also, she's Arab. And, you know, Arab got a got a root for the tribe. Picked Will because he seemed charming. Picked Rebs because, you know, another young woman.
Starting point is 00:16:03 They always tend to do well in the show. They have exuberance and whatever else. And then they always tend to do well in the show there. They have exuberance and whatever else. And then those three bakers were out in the first three weeks. And I was just like, well, I'm going to lose. And you did.
Starting point is 00:16:12 I did at least. And then you did. At least I didn't have Ian's cockiness halfway through when he was leading, when he's just like, I am a runaway train. And then he finished the fourth dominated the middle of the, of the,
Starting point is 00:16:24 of the draft. if it was a cumulative weeks in first place i would have won the whole thing i was fucking rumbling bumbling and stumbling and then humbly humbly i i gave it to other people who weren't haven't won emmys who haven't experienced the joys i've experienced in my life humbly i do have to ask is this the forum where we question whether or not my fiance is a cheater? Okay, so here's what— Not on me. She hasn't cheated me. She cheated the rest of us.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Maybe. This is not— Potentially. This is definitely not the forum. No, no, not like that. We have that forum, but this is not it. Take that to Judge Joe Brown. In our league, one way you could get points was every week, Prue Leith, one of the hosts of the Great British Bake Off,
Starting point is 00:17:04 you could guess what color glasses she was going to wear. Prue famously kind of has kooky aunt energy. Every week she wears like glasses that look like you bought them at a museum gift shop. They're like always different colors. Lonnie got it right every week. Ten weeks in a row. Ten weeks in a row 10 weeks in a row every color on the rainbow and she got it right 10 times in a row cheating right how would you cheat unless she's got a hook how would she cheat you could look because it comes out a week early in england not a week early three
Starting point is 00:17:36 days early three days early three days early you think she was getting the english feed i can't accuse i can't do it i can't 10. We figured out the math and it was like how many different colors was it in 10 weeks? We are nothing without trust. It was like four different colors. She ended up repeating pinks and purples a lot, which as Ian will say, Ian had a theory. I did. It was sexier. She's like
Starting point is 00:17:57 a she's like a she's like a foxy grandma. Okay, that could be it. This year she was sort of peacocking. I can't accuse lani of cheating i can't yeah all right do you think she cheated chocker i don't and the reason i don't is because i the way that people would submit their the glasses colors i'd just be like okay i need your colors and like one time she was brushing her teeth when i asked her and she just like blew because she was using water to brush her teeth right uh one time i was like i need your color
Starting point is 00:18:24 and her nose was bleeding she said red because her nose was bleeding. She said red because her nose was bleeding and it was right. You brush your teeth with water? Anyway, continue. I mean, to rinse. What do you brush your teeth with? Do you use it using like diet soda or something? What's going on here? Mountain Dew.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Chocolate Faygo. Is that a style of Faygo? I'm from Michigan. I can confirm that they gotta chill they gotta chill they gotta chill out over that factory fago that's why that's why ford left because of the chocolate pop yeah henry ford died because of chocolate fago and anti-semitism those were his two favorite things oh no we say hitters uh i so okay well now i've moved on to thinking god was communicating through lani if like you got a nosebleed that might be it yeah that's like stigmata yeah
Starting point is 00:19:16 but i could find any reason ask me to pick what color glasses right now ian what color glasses yeah blue because this book is blue green because there's a green plant right there red if i happen to look it up earlier in the week i can find a reason as i told dana there he goes as i as i told as i told dana lonnie went 10 for 10 and we got engaged if she goes 20 for 20 i'm leaving her at the altar wow that's a level of power i can't be trusted to be around. That's right. You don't even want to. You don't even want to be next to it.
Starting point is 00:19:48 What about if it turns on 20, though? Yeah. 19 for 20. Then she just had like the same as 20 for 20 to me. No, not 19 for 20. That's that's LeBron in game five against the Pistons in 07. That's fine. That's legendary.
Starting point is 00:20:00 That's Hall of Fame numbers. 20 for 20. She's a witch. Yeah. 20 for 20 is the slider. She fucked with the sliders. Okay. legendary that's hall of fame numbers 20 for 20 she's a witch yeah 20 for 20 is the slider she fucked with the sliders okay my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish toffee chico app happy hanukkah everybody happy hanukkah happy hanukkah
Starting point is 00:20:19 we're in the midst of hanukkah right now happy hanukkah everybody what's that a million dreidel song or a million matzo balls there might be an a million matzo ball song oh i was i saw it on a movie last night never mind i don't i'm excited to find out more about it uh i got nothing to promote watch the late late show listen to all fantasy everything i've been baking a lot you made a really wonderful cake i was too sick to attend the party but I sent I'm still kind of getting over this cold The fucking worst cold I've ever had
Starting point is 00:20:49 But I sent an apple cake with you And then I baked an orange cake and brought it to work I boiled oranges Alright Paddington I pulped them I put them in a fucking cake dude I'm out of here How'd they like it at work? They loved it
Starting point is 00:21:03 Louis Weymouth himself said this is fucking amazing this is restaurant quality that man knows his food too louis swears so cordon accused me of faking faking it and dana baked it but it was me then he accused you of witchcraft he did accuse me of witchcraft and he drowned me for a witch and i survived so he was right speaking baking we are gathered here today not to accuse me of witchcraft and he drowned me for a witch and I survived so he was right. Speaking of making, we are gathered here today not to accuse me of witchcraft but also to draft cookies. It's the
Starting point is 00:21:32 holiday season. The holiday season. So what better way to celebrate the holiday season, perhaps the peak of cookie season than by fantasy drafting cookies. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of
Starting point is 00:21:49 rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. And we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Uh-oh. Oh, rock, paper, scissors. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh! Three papers. All right, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, three papers. All right, here we go.
Starting point is 00:22:06 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ah, Chaka wins. Let's go. He throws a rock against two papers. Our guest, Chaka Saman, is the winner of rock, paper, scissors. Chaka is the winner. It is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.
Starting point is 00:22:22 And what is that? That's a great question. In the vein of baking, if, say, you're baking some muffins, you have the muffin tin, you don't know how much batter you have, so you don't want to overfill, you know? So you just, well, David's leaving.
Starting point is 00:22:39 He's definitely not going to get it now. I'm only explaining this to David. But you pour, you start on the bottom left left and you pour a little bit in each cupcake hole all the way to the right go up a little bit and then pour a little bit in each cupcake hole all the way to the left cupcake hole sounds so gross then you go up one pour a little bit in each cupcake hole all the way to the right and do that
Starting point is 00:22:57 and then you kind of look at them and then you just kind of go back and do the same thing until all the batter is used to make sure that all the cupcakes are going to have the same amount of batter in each individual cupcake hole as it doesn't like that stop saying cupcake hole i i feel very uncomfortable oh cupcake hole no don't say batter definitely not cupcake hole oh let me do it let me do it let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it to David. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. Oh, Cupcake Hole. Oh, God. The face David made. Almost
Starting point is 00:23:29 made up for how awful I feel hearing that. I hate that that's the first thing I heard when I came back. It was awful. He kept saying Cupcake Hole during his explanation. Sean, do you think at any point Child Protective Services listens to this podcast and thinks maybe
Starting point is 00:23:45 we should intervene oh it's a wrap if they do in a serious on a serious I have we have discussed where she's like
Starting point is 00:23:54 you know anyone can hear that I'm like well what have I said on there but I've admitted things I guess so I guess if somebody wants to listen
Starting point is 00:24:01 there's nothing well like drugs and stuff there's nothing I would ever lie about so she's like Max can hear it and I'm like well no no none of that is a concern the concern is you saying the word cupcake hole you're just worried why yeah that's the big problem you're an artist dude eli roth has kids you know what i mean probably i don't know if he
Starting point is 00:24:16 does but like i mean people who make fucked up shit have kids yeah no i cupcake hole yeah how many karens got kids? Yeah. We were talking about Gummo the other day. Holy buckets, that movie. I can't imagine Laura's seen that. That'd be funny if it was her favorite movie. Yeah, she's like, Smells like a pile of bullshit.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Yeah, dude. Sean as... Shocker as the winner. Basically what it means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second. What will the order be? Got it. In the cookie draft. I am going to lead us off. I'm going first.
Starting point is 00:24:51 I'm going to go David second, Sean third. Ian, I know you don't like going fourth, but you're going fourth. Hot corner. There it is. I love going fourth. But this, I would have preferred to go first because I have a number one pick. I think there is a number one pick here, and I think I'm going to get it. And maybe I'm wrong, but I think I think I've got it.
Starting point is 00:25:11 Well, we're going to figure out what that pick is right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Babel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing. Just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right. You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world
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Starting point is 00:27:40 Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. If you've heard a podcast Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. If you've heard a podcast, it was All Fantasy Everything. All of your Spotify top five lists, All Fantasy Everything. All Fantasy Everything.
Starting point is 00:27:53 All Fantasy Everything. All Fantasy Everything presents the Splendid Table. All Fantasy Everything. That's it, baby. Shaka, come on. We're drafting cookies, and it's time for you to make the first pick in the cookie draft. All right.
Starting point is 00:28:08 I think there are two contenders. This is like a Bryce Young, CJ Stroud situation. There's two contenders for the number one pick here. I am going to go with what is my personal number one pick, and that I think is one of those two. I'm going Oreos off the top. Whoa. I did not even think about branded cookies these don't have to be all branded cookies no no no they don't but you're going i'm going oreos number one off the top because i like
Starting point is 00:28:37 oreos that's a bold that's a bold pick for me i thought i was gonna get that later too i just thought of that like a half hour ago that That was the first thing I thought of. Oreos first! Okay, think about it. Okay. It is on every single cookie aisle in the world. There's not a person I don't think alive who has not A,
Starting point is 00:28:57 tried an Oreo, or even does not know what an Oreo is. They are the quintessential idea of a quick cookie. They are no effort they are delicious there are so many varietals like double stuffed uh thin oh i can't do double stuffed there's i i think double stuff is my favorite no i can't do like a mega stuff nonsense only do double stuff it doesn't dip well dip it in milk unbelievable like it's genuinely it's too much cream for me that's the first time i've heard you say that
Starting point is 00:29:25 it's the last time you see that i like without saying other picks all the flavors of oreo i like all of them they all taste like oreo they do and it's it's not like i'm not gonna like be out here standing for like the birthday cake oreo or something like. But it's like the variety you get, it's like, it's just so consistent. It has never upset me having an Oreo. It has never not done exactly what I want it to do. Whereas like other cookies, you have good versions of them and bad versions of them. They never, you know, everybody has their taste. They never had a bad version of an Oreo. I love an Oreo. I can't believe it went, i can't believe it went number one over all of us it is wild it is wild because i'm gonna come with the traditional number one you know what
Starting point is 00:30:11 blame capitalism you're getting that you're getting the same cookie no matter where you go i guess there's something nice about that right it's like it's like nba players like to eat a cheesecake factory right yeah the menu's the same it feels like home but like a cookie where you know is sean frozen again or is he depressed no no i just bummed him out i think i just ruined his day i thought i was gonna get that like fourth round i really thought i would get like a cookie where a significant percentage of the amount of people who eat it scrape off the filling and then throw the cookie away is that the cookie i'm taking nobody is that our kid i like it better here's what i like i like to open it
Starting point is 00:30:49 scrape off the filling eat it put it back together and then dip it and then too much filling even on the regular ones for me it has something for everyone everyone can eat an oreo differently and still be happy that's true you know what i mean you know what i loved was those gold ones the gold ones are unbelievable. The gold ones are good. And here's the thing. In this, we have had,
Starting point is 00:31:08 we have had two and a half years of, of pure, like topsy turvy rollercoaster chaos. And really even like eight years, 20 years, my entire life. Yeah. And Oreo is consistency.
Starting point is 00:31:20 And Oreo is never going to let you down. It's going to greet you with a smile. It's going to greet you with, in David's opinion, too much filling. I disagree. Sometimes not enough. It's a you down. It's going to greet you with a smile. It's going to greet you with, in David's opinion, too much filling. I disagree. Sometimes not enough. It's a bit crazy. It's perfect.
Starting point is 00:31:29 It is a perfect little snack. It's a good dunker. It goes into other desserts well. Like an Oreo cake is always going to be good. An Oreo fry, like an Oreo blizzard is great. I just drafted a Hall of Fame 3 and D wing. That's what I did. They did transition into other things like that
Starting point is 00:31:45 Oreo pie at Burger King. Forget about it. I mean, I'm a hipster, so I like Hydrox, but I get what you guys are saying. Yeah, it's a Hydrox podcast, but I'm for it. I'm for it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:00 Yeah. To quote my friend, Louis Weymouth, you've charmed me oreos number one pick wow i love it david i mean i'm taking i'm taking trusty rusty i'm taking good old whole house mom made them after school chocolate chip american cookies oh yeah sure yeah yeah yeah there's nothing like it it is a great cookie it's so utilitarian fresh it doesn't get much better oh my god you know what i mean when you can break it and the chocolate like pulls like a like a grilled cheese sandwich would like that sort of like it that sort of like. It's like just cool.
Starting point is 00:32:46 It's like when you take them out, you're just like, as soon as this cools off enough for me to get it in my mouth. I think the whole thing, do you know when those were invented? When do you think chocolate chip cookies? I don't know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Everybody guess. I'm going to say 1924. I'm going gonna say like middle of the french revolution i think that was that was what calmed it down 1780s i was thinking of war i was thinking of wartime too but i'm 1790s i'm gonna say 1860 1939 oh really okay okay was that during wwt the big one no uh well for europe it was but not for the not for the old US of A. Is it weird to say it feels like it must have been a time when people had access to a lot of sugar. I feel like people didn't have that much sugar back then. So there'd been chocolate cookies before, but this woman, Ruth Wakefield, who ran the Toll House restaurant in Whitman, Massachusetts, she was making a batch of cookies and she decided to add broken pieces of
Starting point is 00:33:46 Nestle chocolate into the recipe expecting the chocolate to melt but they didn't melt. They just held their shape and that's how the chocolate chip cookie was born. I love it. So here's the thing I thought about when you said that. Do you guys know like ciabatta bread?
Starting point is 00:34:02 Yeah. Yes. Invented in 1982. What? Yeah. Yo. do you guys know like ciabatta bread yeah yes invented in 1982 what yeah yo 82 wendy's was an early adopter how are we still inventing breads i don't like a perfect sandwich bread i was for sure they had all come out by now sean and that bread were born in the same year let me look up where they made dutch crunch that shit's gotta be old when when did chipotle start as a flavor that's chipotle stuff isn't that i mean there have been chipotle peppers forever right have there no i don't know like a smoke isn't that a smoked jalapeno what is it chipotle no it's like pepper or like buffalo like when did buffalo flavor
Starting point is 00:34:41 i mean buffalo how long have buffalo wings been? Ah, chipotle is a jalapeno that's been left on the vine. What? Interesting. Yeah. Hold on. Why is it red? They turn red. It was out there too long.
Starting point is 00:34:56 Yeah. A chipotle, to put it simply, a chipotle pepper is a jalapeno that has been left on the vine to ripen until red, and then it's smoked and dried. I didn't even know it was a pepper. I thought it was a flavor. Buffalo 1964 that i could see that i will say i've said i've said it before on this podcast buffalo wings the least impressive regional cuisine i've ever had in my life you mean in buffalo as far as going to the place going to the source and having the original oh yeah i see i, I see, I see. Well, that's because they've been too gracious in their exporting of it, right?
Starting point is 00:35:30 I mean, it's not that hard to figure out. Also, people do better stuff with wings. The Koreans, they're going nuts. Oh, dude, a Korean wing? We've talked about this, but that's why I'm marrying a Korean woman. The spicy Korean wings are amazing. Chocolate chip cookies, man. There's also, like, you put a little salt on there. Oh, yeah. A little, wings are amazing. Chocolate chip cookies, man. There's also like, you put a little salt on there.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Oh, yeah. A little. Yeah, amazing. They're just great. Sean DePaul. Tell me your first pick. Holiday season. I'll go holiday.
Starting point is 00:36:00 Down the holiday road, I'm going to go sugar cookies. I like a sugar cookie. Oh, I mean, the thing like a sugar cookie oh i mean the thing about a sugar my favorite thing is that you can you can you know you bake them and you frost them you put as much as you want on there and it's just like i mean i can make it an inch thick fuck your double stuff like i can be out here with i bet you can make it an inch thick there's kids here uh yes but um the uh yeah just sugar cookie with it's just fun it's the only one you get to like do more to that's in the cookie you you make the cookie and then you get
Starting point is 00:36:34 to have a little fun with it you could frost any cookie yeah you can you oh david got out of here he hated that pic so much no i i and actually laura's turned me on them i didn't used to really be a fan but she loves them so much that i've now yeah they're definitely in my sugar cookie first round that's wild sugar cookie in the first round sugar cookie out here this has been a weird first round i think it has a low floor yeah well i'm just i just you know the mainly the part that i get to i get to add whatever i want to it and you don't sure like i said you can go frost a chocolate chip cookie but you're i can do it i'll tip an alfredo sauce i'll tip you an alfredo sauce You think you're the first person
Starting point is 00:37:26 To fucking proposition me with that I'll hold you by your ankles and dip you in Alfredo sauce You think this is the first time that's come up I've been threatened with that I've been courted with that Any which way I've enjoyed that Waterboarded by Alfredo sauce
Starting point is 00:37:41 Give it to me Sean how much Alfredo sauce How alfredo sauce do you think you could drink in a sitting like chug it yeah i i mean dude it's so a grip we all could i'm not gonna barf i mean the last time i was here you said that you could drink a gallon you said you could drink a gallon of hot sauce and so i want to just see if we can when did i say that pine glass pine glass pine glass pine glass pine glass oh standby still think i could that might make me barf out of my butt though i think if i if i drink yeah i think actual barf might come out my butt. You need barf.
Starting point is 00:38:29 My butt just goes bleh. He's a medical marvel. My butt just goes bleh. I think I could put a pint glass of Alfredo sauce. I mean, the thing is, it's going to be film all over the inside of the glass. Do I got to scrape that off a little? No, no, no, no, no. You just got to take that down the majority, I feel like. I could do it.
Starting point is 00:38:44 I'm getting hungry thinking about it, i think it'd be fun oh no yeah yeah i think i'd be icy with that sure but barf it's that kind of podcast it's that kind of podcast all right sugar cookies yeah okay i've got a heart pick and i've got a head pick all right i'm going to go what about a dick pic Yeah. Okay. I've got a heart pick and I've got a head pick. All right. I'm going to go. What about a dick pick? And then I'll be DMing all of you a dick pick.
Starting point is 00:39:13 I am 41. I can hear my daughter. I have to go the height of cookie technology. We have, and I think invented even before, let me actually let me look this up. I think I know where he's going. This is, this is the, the height of cookie technology. It's insane that they've ever been able to figure it out. Are you talking butter? It's older than, it's definitely older than the chocolate chip cookie, which is fucking wild.
Starting point is 00:39:43 I'm taking the macaron. Oh, I thought that was an old though. I assumed that was an old cookie. It is the macaron, the French one. Yeah, I always, I don't know why I thought it was. I guess I just assumed. It just seems like they should have figured out the chocolate chip cookie
Starting point is 00:39:58 before they figured out this thing that you need to leave almond flour out for like a day for it to become like the right. The French are fucking off their fucking gourd dude they invented that kissing dude they're going nuts over there yeah they're fucking nuts over there open your mouth and let me do it again i don't like kissing with a closed mouth the maca the macaron has been around since like at least the the at least 150 years that's fucking crazy that was like a king i when you eat it you feel like kings eat this you feel like
Starting point is 00:40:34 kings eat that it's so it's so fucking good you can get them in like any kind of flavor they're delicate there's like a light almond flavor to them the texture is out of this world it feels like you're eating a cloud and then it feels like you're eating jam at the same time like it is insane they're beautiful they're always so pretty yeah they're so gorgeous they look like they're just like dollops down yeah you know what i mean like that look is great it looks like something you're eating in will Wonka's chocolate factory, but they're real. Like it kind of looks like something they would have eaten at that
Starting point is 00:41:07 imaginary table and hook, but it's real. You're doing it, Peter. They're gorgeous. They're also kind of, it's fun to say it with a little French accent, like Macron.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Macron. Emmanuel Macron. Emmanuel Macron. I always feel like I'm not biting into something. And then all of a sudden my teeth are touching. That's how much you don't notice that you're biting into it. And then all of a sudden you got a dope bite of cloud in your mouth. It's a cloud.
Starting point is 00:41:29 Buttercream, dude. Ganache. Egg white. It's crazy how hard they are to make. You ever made it successfully? Have I? Yeah. My wife has, but I haven't.
Starting point is 00:41:40 No, I haven't even attempted. That's some high level. Sean, that's the nicest compliment you've ever given Ian. Just the suggestion that she could make macarons. I had a part in it in that I ate the macarons. Sure. Well, then. But they're like, they're almost like, to me, it's like, it's not even a food you think about making at home.
Starting point is 00:41:58 No, it's crazy that she tried and succeeded. She failed the first time. That's how hard they are to make. I believe it. Yeah, she was like a national merit scholar or whatever. They have like two from every state. She was one of those and she failed at macarons. That's how hard they are to make, dude. The fucking French.
Starting point is 00:42:16 The French, bro. So that's my first pick. Okay. Love it. So with my second pick. Love a sandwich cookie. It's a sandwich cookie on top of it. It's maybe the OG sandwich cookie. I gotta go with my second pick love a sandwich cookie it's a sandwich cookie on top of it it's maybe the og sandwich cookie i gotta go with my heart pick my favorite cookie i can't get enough of it give me the fucking snickerdoodle dude that's laura's favorite i thought i was gonna be able to get that second my favorite cookie
Starting point is 00:42:41 give me the snickerdoodle it's the best fucking cookie can i say though can i say though about the snickerdoodle yeah high margin of error okay i've had yeah i've had i've had some really really bad snickerdoodles a warm snickerdoodle fresh out of the oven dude they have that they have cream of tartar in there which gives it kind of like a interesting mouthfeel like they're just like it feels like you're biting a divine like a divine cartoon i love the snickerdoodle but i think it's the first one to get wrong the first one to get what do you mean the first one to get wrong like like i've gone to like you know when you like it's like one of those things where like if you get like a pre-packaged one oh i'm not gonna go with that or whatever i've had a lot of very like they taste chemically oftentimes yeah like i've had a lot of i've had i've had probably as many bad snickerdoodles as
Starting point is 00:43:37 i've had good well what kind of marriage do you want to have do you want to meet her at a bar do you want to meet her at the grocery store? You know what I mean? Like go to a bakery. Yeah. Honestly, the last time I had a snickerdoodle, David was over. We Lonnie made snickerdoodles. Oh, those were great.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Yeah. I love it. Amazing. Like a fresh snickerdoodle. I will eat 12 of them. I will eat a dozen of them. Those were amazing. That buttery comes through. They're just fuck.
Starting point is 00:44:02 They're so good. Cinnamon sugar. Like, oh yeah. Sprinkled on top. Also, you get to say snickerdoodle get out of town dude that's that's my favorite part of a snickerdoodle is saying snickerdoodle you're right snickerdoodle no snickers but that's fine they don't really make the fireworks go off for me they're they're good they're all cookies they're all good oh sugar cookie snickerdoodles don't do it for you i'm looking at
Starting point is 00:44:25 the the accoutrement the amenities of uh of a sugar cookie is what my big thing frosting yeah yeah frost yeah snickerdoodle don't have them they they you know they don't fire a rocket launcher at you bro you're gonna miss dude no chance you're gonna miss no because i got the rocket launcher shield i have a rocket launcher shield that's my second i programmed my missiles with an anti-shield technology obviously i put a bug in your program so it's aimed back at your house dude yeah no but i can fly them using drone technology with a paddle i have with me you think i haven't thought about that it's gonna be hard to fly because i ripped your eyes out yeah but i can say they've been
Starting point is 00:45:04 hooked up elon musk hooked it up so they go right to my brain dude but I ripped your eyes out. Yeah, but I can see they've been hooked up. Elon Musk hooked it up so they go right to my brain, dude. But I put your eyes in his butt, so. Yeah, but I have Elon Musk hovering over the city in a helicopter holding onto it so he can see like everything
Starting point is 00:45:19 with his butt eyes. Well, yeah, but ever since David and Elon fell in like that, now I got David telling Elon what to do and he's lying to you this whole time because his friend david is like got my back and not yours so no don't drag me into your nonsense i had somebody tom cruising a mission impossible the elon mask dude so you put my eyes in a guy's butt that you thought was elon musk but actually it was my fucking a number one ace dude macron manuel macron french president manuel macron who's got the drop on you explosion dang okay all right bro dang snickerdoodles dang bro damn bro sean time for your shitty second pick that's gonna be awful
Starting point is 00:46:00 i wish they could do that in in real like in the nba in the bucks with the sacramento kings are up yeah for the knicks to fucking blow it they should if you have like if you get five top five picks without one of them becoming an all-star adam silver should get to nag you yeah Yeah, dude. That would be sick. And now the Sacramento Kings are going to come up here and waste everyone's time and ruin the hopes of a once bright young man. And here's coach, go ahead and blow it for the Kings. Thin Mints.
Starting point is 00:46:36 Oh, okay. Yeah. Nope. I like a Thin Mint. Nah. What do you mean? I'm with Shocker. You don't like Thin Mints?
Starting point is 00:46:41 They're fine. I mean, it's probably a personal choice. They're the third best Girl Scout cookie. Yeah i will say that yeah i'll say that too yeah just because you guys don't have your minds eye open doesn't mean y'all gotta gang up on me it's a sign of weakness and i do not appreciate it it might even be the fourth it might even be the fourth my my fourth favorite sure well it's a good thing that you didn't pick it. That's great for all of you. Yeah, you like Thin Mints. Hey, man.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Feels like something you'd get at the doctor. That's fine. I don't particularly... See, like, had you said, like, tagalongs. Caramel Delance. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, I'm the same picks, I'm the same picks, I'm the same picks, I'm the same picks. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:47:22 Thin Mints feel like, oh, like, that's the only cookie my grandpa can eat because he has diabetes that's it it feels like a school cookie it's the one good thing about the one good thing about school that day i'll take it school sucks john's out here krav maga on with silver linings i didn't mean to k i don't mean for us to gang up on you i've just never been a thin mint guy and i kind of have never gotten the hype i can i would not spend money i worked for on it but yeah if somebody's gonna give me one if they're around i don't want a cookie that's gonna make the aftertaste feel like i just brush my teeth i want my mouth to know i had a cookie i brush my teeth with oreos so that's why it works yeah yeah i just i like a thin mint because that's why i don't like oreos but you also hold court in the streets you will
Starting point is 00:48:14 you brush your teeth with oreos and you hold i didn't know there were real courtrooms until someone showed me a google image i haven't told you i thought it was just whatever intersection you were at so you're a lawyer. Where do you work? In the streets? Street justice. So you just have an office behind some dumpster? That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:48:30 You're a lawyer. Court is in the streets. The Sean army is going to come out in full force here and have you back on Thin Mints. I think that's true. I just don't. I just hear me. Me personally being honest. Right.
Starting point is 00:48:42 I don't. The texture is not there for me i guess if they've been in the freezer it's a little more fun because you can put them in your mouth and let them melt but even then like thin mints the word you know how that you know you know they're not good the word thin is in the title of a cookie get out of here oh you want well what i like thick mints though they're called fat mints or thick mints dude yeah then i'm in thick mint also mint i don't i just don't like mint as a dessert. It's a gum. It's like a palate
Starting point is 00:49:07 you know what I mean? What'd you just say? I said it's a gum. I heard something. Did you think I said it's like cum? For a second. And then as I was saying what'd you say I thought there's no way he said that. That'd be cool. I wish I had minty cum.
Starting point is 00:49:23 Thickmints was the name of Too Thick's second album, right? Yeah. Thick Mints, dude. Yeah. Minty cum. That was the Christmas special. Well, that was part of the after dinner tour featuring Thick Mints. The DJ Steve tour.
Starting point is 00:49:38 Yeah. Yeah. Thin Mints. All right. Great. All right. All right. Great. David? white chocolate macadamia nut god damn it twice in a row
Starting point is 00:49:51 come on always hits the spot baby big subway big subway cookie so yes i love it yeah with an expensive nut in it that's really the the only place that I know where to get them is Subway. And they're perfect. Those Subway ones are fire. So good. They're like the soft all day type of situation. How do they do that? Kind of like you.
Starting point is 00:50:16 I haven't been to a Subway in a decade. And I'm going right when this finishes to get just a dozen of those. They're so good. They are so fire. They are so fire something about the white because white chocolate it's not technically chocolate right white chocolate is the it's like it's not cocoa it's something different it's the only the fat okay it's like a richer flavor it is white chocolate it doesn't have any cocoa particles it is cocoa butter mixed with
Starting point is 00:50:44 sugar and sometimes a little vanilla so it's yeah just the fat and then with the macadamia nuts which just got such a great crunch such a nutty flavor it's just it's just because i like salty i like salty slavery type stuff you know what i mean you said or i like i like i like uh salty salty sweets okay you said you said salty savory yeah yeah like salty sweets yeah yeah that goes right in that wheelhouse of like oh it's almost kind of salty but great like a nice tuna fish cookie just salty savory gross dude come on all right god damn it charlotte you know what just because you picked thin mints and sugar cookies back to back doesn't mean you have to come out here and ruin everybody else's but what were we talking about oh chocolate macadamia nuts yeah you come from the world
Starting point is 00:51:29 of macadamia yeah yeah yeah yeah no i you know i have a ba and i'm yeah yeah all those things it it does feel like the only two places i know that actually you can buy a white macadamia nut cookie are subway and hawaii like there's no, you can't go to like a Ralph's or something and walk out. Who's got a great white chocolate macadamia nut cookie regional grocery store in Washington state, QFC. Oh, shout out to QFC, quality food center.
Starting point is 00:51:58 QFC used to have those macadamia nuts. I've never had the pleasure. Ooh, they go hard. One-time employer of Ian Carmel. Really? I did for a summer you back the blue oh i backed the blue absolutely thin thick blue line dude thin blue line thick blue shirt i backed the blue qfc and then a best buy too
Starting point is 00:52:17 yeah yeah white chocolate macadamia nut that's my favorite fantastic shot uh shocker time for your second and third picks okay well snickerdoodles and white macadamia off the board devastating um we want peanut butter cookie yeah okay that was gonna be my next just a classic with the fork marks yeah yeah it is yeah what is the fork this is how you press it down just and that's why the fork marks are in there i think so i think so i think it's like a design thing it's like it's yeah it makes you feel like i don't and also like like so much of this that we've been talking about so far is like chocolate and the peanut butter is such a natural just like accompaniment sometimes you just want that little bit of peanut butter bite it's delicious
Starting point is 00:53:02 right it also goes back to that kind of more savory. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, and that's salty. That's salty and sweet. Yeah. Yeah. So the fork marks are actually utilitarian. They help it because it's so dense.
Starting point is 00:53:14 It helps it bake more evenly. Oh, it spaces it out a little more. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I'm into that. You know what? Other countries, or at least, I'm not going to say other,
Starting point is 00:53:24 England doesn't really fuck with peanut butter the way we do really yeah actually yeah they also have vegema or marmite right yeah going they're dumb over there they're nuts but it's like hard to get peanut butter over there they it's like in the american aisle of their grocery stores and stuff they don't have like like they don't have peanut butter in their candy oh really that's so yeah also they call cookies biscuits you fucking maniacs that's why you lost to the french yeah that's why you lost to us for sure i thought biscuits were different things they're like that crunchier like they call america they call what we call cookies american cookies and then they call their thing biscuits i guess we call biscuits cookies maybe that's what it is but we have biscuits here are a different thing for them like their digestive biscuits yeah yeah stay on
Starting point is 00:54:12 your island there's a reason they lost their empire that's what i say all right that shit out of my fucking empire lost to killian mbappe Stay on your island so we can come visit you because we love you. There he goes. Come on. It'll be fun. Good save. Good save. I really do love England. No, it's good. It's cookie game.
Starting point is 00:54:36 The cookie game is nuts. Peanut butter cookies are fantastic. That was probably my first favorite cookie. My nut game is cookies. Yeah. Sorry, it took a long time. my nut game is cookies yeah sorry it took a long time my p game is cookies i uh yeah i love another soft cookie i i prefer a soft cookie oh yeah always always would take a soft over a soft cookie boy a shocker time for your third pick at the risk of incurring the wrath of this podcast's only jewish member black and white cookie i love a black and white cookie i i love eating one half of the black and white cookie and then saving the other half and then eating it later. I like that double bite.
Starting point is 00:55:26 Over here googling Syrian cookies, seeing what kind of fucking damage I can inflict. For just a second, you looked like you were gonna do something to him. Come on! I'm mine, dude! Out on the corner in the middle of Hollywood, shirtless with a rake and an
Starting point is 00:55:42 axe. Cookie ties, dude. They're just so good already they're so fucking good i can't even front that is a good call though they're they're like especially with a jewish delicacy for years it's like new york delis oh yeah i didn't i just i think i got my first black and white cookie probably at starbucks starbucks i know it from seinfeld is that how i know what that is probably maybe yeah i don't think i've ever even had it i think it's just seinfeld that i know what it is they're they're just like somehow they're like they're like thicker than you think they are but they're pillowy and they're not too sweet but they are still really sweet and the chocolate and the white chocolate and the it's just like
Starting point is 00:56:18 and there's also like there's a little bit of uh there's a there's a citrus in there they usually make lemon yeah there's usually lemon in there, too. It's a good cuisine. And just like the way, there's like a very traditional way that you get that perfect line up the middle. Like the way that the chocolate, I think the chocolate goes first and then the vanilla or the white, right? Or maybe it's in reverse, but like one goes before the other so that you can get the perfect line. You lay the Torah down over the half of it uh oh they're so fucking good when we're in new york i'm gonna i'm gonna be having one more than one when we were so this i think i could i when d when Dana and I were in New York last time, there is a bakery
Starting point is 00:57:05 on the upper east side of the upper west side that makes a croissant black and white cookie. And like, it's a croissan. That's like, it was one of the folk most fucking delicious things I've ever had. My it's fucking insane. You know how they're putting croissant dough into shit now that like ever since dominic ansel did yeah like the cronut yeah yeah which i don't know i i had a cronut recently not a huge fan it's you know they're good it's it's a lot it was like too rich yeah it's very rich it's like a. It was too much for me. Found myself some fucking Syrian
Starting point is 00:57:46 cookies out here. Rip his face off. There's a couple good ones. My turn? Wait, is it my turn? It's your turn, yeah. After Shocker stuck that fucking knife in between my beautiful Semitic ribs. Although we're both Semitic.
Starting point is 00:58:02 I'm an atheist, but sure. No, but isn't Semite just mean from the middle east i thought it meant of uh one god i don't know i thought it meant not a full boner relating to and denoting a family of languages that include hebrew arabic and aramaic oh there you go oh all right i'm a semite we out here sweet we out here your voice like auto-tuned on the internet i uh i'm taking shortbread oh yeah dude good love just a fluffy kind of light you know what i mean great with a little swallow of milk let the butter do the work yeah let the butter do the work let it do the motherfucking dance dude let the butter do the work let the butter do the work let the butter do the shortbread chocolate chip cookie that's so fucking good with this like demerara sugar on the outside that is like fucking crazy that sounds like it's man it's always it always comes through
Starting point is 00:59:01 yeah it also barely feels like a cookie so you can fuck around and have six of them yeah because you're like this is surely not i'm gonna have six or whatever you got my yeah i don't know about whatever i got are we talking about your penis yeah no i probably can't have six of them david i'd probably be fine with just the one. Thanks. It's Scottish, the shortbread. Oh, really?
Starting point is 00:59:32 Oh, I thought we were still talking about David's bad dick. He's got a Scottish dick. David's dick has a kilt, but only at weddings. I call it St. Andrews. I waited to cover the pubes at the wedding. Oh, that's not bad. I mean, it's probably bad if Scott heard it, but I thought it St. Andrews. I waited to cover the pubes at the wedding. That's not bad. It's probably bad if Scott heard it, but I thought it was good.
Starting point is 00:59:49 I thought it was okay. Surprise myself. All right. Well, tight. Can I go? I think I got... I think this is still good. It's you, man.
Starting point is 00:59:56 I just thought, I think this one might not get pooped on. Samoa. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, that's a good one. That's the one. All right. That's a great cookie.
Starting point is 01:00:03 You got Thin Mints before samoa's well i can't believe that one's still on the board even after i threw girl scout cookie into people's i'm not that you were thinking about it but that um yeah i mean i like them equally i can eat it you know what's interesting is i wouldn't think you were somebody who would like coconut yeah i was just about to say the same thing love exotic love it which i have the tom cruise cake oh you got it tom cruise cake again you got the tom cruise cake it's a coconutty delight i want to try some come on over it's crazy in an envelope with no with nothing just like put that in a manila envelope one piece of that and see how it gets here i wonder if i could bring a piece to
Starting point is 01:00:39 boston i probably could dude bring two you definitely could okay no just just just wrap it and keep it in a paper bag as a carry-on. You can definitely do that. And that cake keeps well. I'll put it in a little Tupperware. Oh, man. That would be crazy. All right, I'll bring some Tom Cruise cake. Samoa. Nothing crazy. Just a dope little coconut cookie.
Starting point is 01:00:58 That's my favorite Earl Scout cookie. It's got the perfect amount of that chocolate drizzle on top. It's not too much. It just gives you that little bit. I. It's not too much. It just like gives you that little bit that makes it. I feel like chocolate, like too much of chocolate, like black and white cookie is the most chocolate I ever wanted on a cookie. Like I don't like a lot of it on there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:15 It's a festival of texture too. You know what I mean? You get like that, you get the coconut feel and then that chewy and then like that it relents until your tooth hits the cookie itself and then you get the crunch yeah it's a good time it's a good cookie good picture yeah thanks rose samoa yeah i still i like my two over that but i would have taken it next absolutely absolutely samoan samoa samoa not samoa i think they're called caramel delights now they are are they i thought they were no i thought it's still called both of them because there's two different Not Samoa. Samoa. I think they're called Caramel Delights now. They are. Are they? Or did they change it?
Starting point is 01:01:45 I thought they were. No, I thought it's still called both of them because there's two different manufacturers who make cookies for Girl Scout Cookies. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. It's the same way that one of the manufacturers calls them Tagalongs and the other one calls them peanut butter patties. They're the same cookie.
Starting point is 01:02:00 Oh. You know what I like? Because I think shortbread. I always loved the trefoils. Yeah, those are good too. We're saying picks, but fuck it. You know what I mean. You I picked shortbread. I always loved the trefoils. Yeah, those are good, too. We're saying picks, but fuck it. You know what I mean. You already took shortbread.
Starting point is 01:02:08 I picked shortbread. I feel like that counts. I guess that one could have gotten taken, but you know. Trefoils. I'm not going to take it. As a kid, dipping it in milk and just letting it get a little too soggy and then eating them. Oh, amazing.
Starting point is 01:02:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then letting it just disintegrate in your mouth. Yeah. Time for my third and fourth fourth pick as it is with my third pick i'm taking a chewy ginger molasses cookie oh yeah all right especially this time of year again you know me i love a chewy cookie i love a soft cookie the texture is a1 on a chewy ginger molasses cookie. Because it's chewy, it's soft, but it also like, you know, it sticks to your teeth a little bit.
Starting point is 01:02:50 And then I love that ginger flavor. I just love that. Like it feels, feels wintry. It feels like Christmas. It feels of the season. It feels cozy. It feels like a hug. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:03:00 Like I love that flavor. A little spicy. I think you can also put a little frosting on a chewy ginger last cookie although i don't like to i already used all the frosting actually with my sugar cookies on the sugar cookies that's right because it's a bad it's a bad cookie that's right i don't know that's right yeah uh i obviously don't think that uh chewy ginger molasses cookies there's they're just so fucking good yeah that's one where i find and also i've never i don't think i've had a bad one yeah yeah i don't think so either
Starting point is 01:03:31 everywhere i go that you know from a from a grocery store from a motel six all the way up to like dana baking them they're good yeah it's a consistent cookie it's a consistent cookie. It's a consistent cookie. And then, all right, you took the black and white cookie. I did. The only thing I can do now is outflank you, is to go even more Jewish. Jewception. I don't like that I said that. I don't like I said that. I like that you said that.
Starting point is 01:04:04 It felt weird. I liked it a lot. I liked it a lot I said that. I like that you said that. It felt weird. I liked it a lot. Oh, okay, good, good, good, good. The only thing I can do is outflank you Jew-wise. And that's... David, don't say that. You can't say that. See if I can sneak in here
Starting point is 01:04:19 and control this draft from the shadows. I'm going to take Ruggala. I knew it. Yeah. I don't know what a Ruggala is. Ruggala is good. We'll have a Ruggala in New York. Give me a set the table for me.
Starting point is 01:04:35 It is a filled baked confection. It is a dough, sort of a spiral of dough rolled around a filling traditionally chocolate but you can throw kind of almost anything in there you can put apple preserves cream cheese and like apricot preserve like i mean like you can put almost anything in arugula but it's and then you sprinkle the sugar on top of it it's so fucking good it almost looks like a little baby croissant it looks like a little baby croissant. It looks like a little baby croissant. It's buttery. It's delicious.
Starting point is 01:05:09 With a chocolate, it feels fucking amazing. Like whatever you kind of want to throw in there, you can put cinnamon in there. You could put marzipan in there, walnuts in there, whatever you want. It's so fucking good. I've had some bad ruggala. I've had some really bad ruggala, but a good rugelach, a good fucking rugelach,
Starting point is 01:05:26 that'll fucking, that'll part your hair. That'll fix your clocks. You know what I mean? That'll change your outlook on a day. Sure. It also is like a very fun word to say. Yeah, rugelach. It feels like something you can be like,
Starting point is 01:05:41 ah, my sweet little rugelach. Like you're talking to Dana. It is my sweet little rugelach.'re talking to dana it is my sweet little rugala it's uh it's yetish which is fun all right nice interesting tight you you uh that that was juception that was juception yeah i thought i was gonna come back and feel better about it i didn't this makes sense that david and elon musk this is this is why he's back on twitter this is just more proof keep pounding that nail into the wood yep and also i love kairi david it's not my turn it's me that was the three people who think we sound alike
Starting point is 01:06:21 oh yeah yeah no you don't i know we don't but people think there's people who are like i can't always confuse you too and i'm like what wild sean jordan time for your fourth i don't think i can i don't think i can do this but i'm gonna ask can i pick s'mores i think so no s'mores cookie no no it's not it's more it's a graham cracker it's a graham cracker marshmallow and chocolate it's a sandwich you could bake it on a sandwich sandwich yeah it's a sandwich it's it's a base is a cracker i was wondering it's a cracker all right or is it a biscuit is it a british biscuit this is why we ask questions it's a cracker listen shocker these colors don't run all right crack dude and i'm gonna go uh those those thumbprint cookies that you put like raspberry jelly in you know there you go yeah yeah yeah like a thumbprint raspberry jelly cookie i love them
Starting point is 01:07:18 you know the jelly is doing all the heavy lifting the rest of it's just kind of kind of bland if we're being honest but i just uh i like a thumbprint cookie and then you got you know you can go other ways with the thumbprint however you want to get it you know what the rest of the thumbprint cookie is what a sugar cookie is it really is it sugar yeah oh well it's a sugar cookie that decided to be a jelly delivery system i'm picking a sugar cookie spoon with a with a spoonful of jelly in it there you go yeah yeah absolutely i love a thumbprint cookie man that's a great fucking cookie they're they're visually fun well you can also put anything in there you can put chocolate in there gel kind of freaks me out i like it better when it's like a
Starting point is 01:08:00 hershey's kiss or something yeah yeah but that's just a big chocolate chip cookie so uh you can also roll the cookie you can like roll the outside of the cookie and like a brown sugar or like a Hershey's Kiss or something. Yeah, but that's just a big chocolate chip cookie. You can also roll the cookie. You can roll the outside of the cookie in a brown sugar or a demerara to give it a little texture. You can have a lot of fun. I roll all my cookies in demerara. Demerara. Yeah, we'll make cookies.
Starting point is 01:08:17 Laura always quarterbacks, but yeah, we'll make cookies. Make some cookies. Their family does spoon breakers. What am I looking for? What's the mixture? What's the word? The batter. The batter is so thick that it breaks a spoon. Yeah, it's fun.
Starting point is 01:08:34 You should pick a cookie. Quarterback a cookie this year. I bet you'd have a lot of fun. I will. Sean, are you guys leaving cookies out for Santa? Yeah, I bet we will. Yeah. Santa, you can do whatever you want. You guys believe in santa cruz right you're less of a santa claus and more of a santa cruz maxine bro you'd be like you gotta chill out bro because santa cruz doesn't come to kids that are like aren't mellow so if you like
Starting point is 01:08:55 if you're too hyped in a bad way santa cruz isn't gonna come and neither mrs cruz isn't gonna let him either so like don't worry about it bro but just be chill bro be chill let's himself in the back door every year yeah don't you eat santa cruz's brownies because they got milligrams in them bro so leave those for santa cruz yeah man thumbprint raspberry jelly cookies hell yeah david nice oh i i can't believe this is uh still on the board another trusty rusty i'm taking oatmeal raisin oh yeah that is i can't stand an oatmeal raisin cookie i hate really really i didn't as a kid but as i grew up i just like raisins over that shit i love the texture i i i love them i love them but i know they're a controversial cookie for people. Can't stand raisin. I like them. I love them.
Starting point is 01:09:45 I love a fucking burly cookie like that. An outdoorsy cookie? Yeah. A cookie that drives a Subaru? Sometimes they go crazy and they'll put a craisin instead of a raisin. If it was just an oatmeal cookie, I'd be fine with it. But every time I get a raisin, it makes me want to burf. You don't like raisins?
Starting point is 01:10:01 Hey, really? They're so sweet. I don't like them at all. Is it the texture? Is it definitely the texture? so sweet i don't like them at all is it the texture or is it is it definitely the texture yeah i don't like them i don't like biting into something that feels like it already got bit into okay you can see that that's a good way to describe it i like them but i get that yeah yeah i love an oatmeal raisin cookie though yeah it's an outdoorsy it's a cookie that like went to evergreen and hikes a lot. Yeah, like you said, burly is the right word.
Starting point is 01:10:28 It's a burly cookie. Like if I'm going to a sandwich shop and they're like, oh, would you like to add a cookie to your whatever, roast beef sandwich or whatever? I was like, yeah, and I want the oatmeal raisin one because that's going to pair well with everything. Yeah, put that right on the old roast beef. But it also feels healthy yeah you know yeah like it's it's not that thing where it's like oatmeal and you're like oatmeal's all right for you yeah it's a cookie it's terrible for you but you're like oh you're an oatmeal cookie yeah might as well be walking right now you know yeah
Starting point is 01:11:01 oatmeal raisin oatmeal raisin great there it is shocker time for your fourth and then your final pick as it is number four i am just thinking back to my childhood my parents didn't really bake ever uh you know we cooked a lot but no baking and so i would go to school and sometimes sometimes someone would have a birthday and sometimes their parents would bring in no-bake cookies. Oh, is that just cookie dough? What's a no-bake cookie? So a no-bake cookie is like you literally don't bake it.
Starting point is 01:11:34 It is like, I'm trying to, I'm going to send a link to the chat because those who know, know. Oh, it's I-Y-K-Y-K. Come on, let's use Oh, Shocker, you DM'd'd me oh i dm'd you that's what i meant here we go there we go this is a no bake cookie oh it just just globs of shit yeah it just looks like reindeer poop but it is delicious how. How do they work? I don't even, I'm not a scientist.
Starting point is 01:12:06 It's like you're explaining time travel to them. I'm not a fucking scientist. You combine sugar, butter, milk, and cocoa in a medium saucepan, bring it to a boil, stir it, boil for one and a half minutes, remove from heat, stir in peanut butter, add oats and vanilla, and then you put it on wax paper until it hardens. They're just, they have the strangest texture but they're just so rich and so delicious and they just remind me of being a small midwestern boy i maybe maybe you know what it is i'm from the midwest i have more family values than you
Starting point is 01:12:36 i'm more wholesome than you guys yeah i think this might be it you know a lot of the carmels listen to this yeah that's not a bad side you want to meet my friend and sean's been to the family values tour dude i did it all for the cookie the cookie that was like biscuit right yeah that's right nice dude i strung it together a no big cookie all right listen i'm not i'm not gonna say i'm not gonna i'm not gonna sit here and tell you it's a bad pick the listeners can do that and i'm'm about to rattle off my fifth pick. Well, not yet. Not yet.
Starting point is 01:13:08 Because we're going to take a short break. Oh, yeah. And we'll be right back after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius,
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Starting point is 01:15:35 Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's Policyius.com hey and we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything already in progress chocker just took the no bake cookie which is basically somebody left cookie dough out which cookie dough be a fire pick that'd be no i bet they're good i think i have had one and what do they feel like i thought i thought I was going to get a stronger response. Like delicious sand?
Starting point is 01:16:07 What is it like? It's like, right? No, it's like, it's no, because it's not like that grainy. Drywall? Like a delicious drywall though. I mean this as a compliment. It's more like delicious mud. It's delicious mud. It's not that crunchy.
Starting point is 01:16:19 Oh, it's muddy? It's gooey. Oh, it's gooey? Maybe I haven't had one. It's like goop. It's like goop. Oh, I haven't had one then paltrowee yeah they vary gwyneth paltrowee she'd never touch one of these but they're delicious
Starting point is 01:16:31 no i think yeah i not not to not to beat it into a pulp it's a good cookie it is it is you have to beat it into a pulp and then you just put it on wax paper yeah there yeah that does happen i'll try it i'll happily try it. Yeah. Yeah. My fifth pick, I think this is the steal of the draft in the fifth round. Fortune cookie. Trash. Oh, crap.
Starting point is 01:16:53 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say trash to a fortune cookie. Trash. No. Garbagio. In case you didn't know. Garbagio. The fountain's in front of the garbagio. George Clooney is putting a team together to rob the garbagio, dude. We were watching the garbagio fountains in front of the garbagio george clooney is putting a team together to rob the
Starting point is 01:17:07 garbagio dude we were watching the garbagio fountains the garbagio fountains at my bachelor party we had a room overlooking the garbagio fountain full trash awful good i don't what do you why why do you hate i feel you why do you hate this not so sweet, this perfect crisp, this little crackle of a cookie that makes everyone smile except for you? I feel like this texture is kind of styrofoamy. Calling yourself a cookie. I've made one myself once. It was delicious.
Starting point is 01:17:35 I've never had a homemade. I've never had a homemade. No, but they snuck their way into blizzards and stuff, so I feel like that kind of qualifies them as... I'd rather eat a walnut shell. Tough. You would not. You know, between this and Ian's kind of insults against Lonnie, does Ian have an anti-Asian tilt?
Starting point is 01:17:56 Is that what's happening here? Koreans are freaks! You're talking about that Korean slander from earlier? This is an American cookie. This is the red, white, and blue. Fuck a fortune cookie, dude. That shit sucks. They're not eating those in fucking, you know, like Shanghai.
Starting point is 01:18:14 Yeah, they're not eating those in fucking, you know, like other Chinese, Beijing, Hong Kong. I don't think they're eating, you know. You can get them in Macau, but that's because they have all kinds of earthly delights. That's different. I hate a fortune cookie. Really? I never eat them. Even when I was eating everything in my sight, even when I was like, I'll eat it, I would
Starting point is 01:18:37 eat everything at the depths of my binge eating, would never even touch a fortune cookie that's so wild even as a kid even as a kid i read the fortune and then i left the cookie when they could want to play at like a nice chinese restaurant when they bring lychee and fortune cookies i'll eat the lychee i mean i get that it's a weird cookie I like it. And now I will cede the mic to the person who picked it who likes it. I'm sorry. I was just going to say, the internet is telling me that they likely originated from cookies made by Japanese immigrants in the U.S. in the late 19th or early 20th century. So they're not Chinese in origin at all, but American Chinese restaurants use them. I just like, I think they're just so unique right
Starting point is 01:19:26 like all these other cookies we're picking for the most part are like they they are variations of the exact same thing with one different flavor it's chocolate or it's peanut butter or it's some sort of jelly this is its totally own thing right this is a whole other you've been you've been watching uh back to the basket no you've been you've been okay you've been watching back to the basket. This is a Corona racer. No, you've been. Corona racer. You've been. Okay, fine. You've been watching back to the basket basketball your whole life. And then Steph Curry comes in from 45 feet. That's the fortune cookie. These are not Steph Curry.
Starting point is 01:19:53 This is. No, no, no. This is Victor Williams and Yama. This is Jimmer Fredette. Seven foot nine. Back. Jimmer Fredette. Jimmer Fredette.
Starting point is 01:19:59 All right, Chalker. Back down. This isn't Victor. That's what you're saying is crazy. Jimmer for that. An American thing that has only brought harm to Asian basketball communities. I can't believe you tried to say Wimbayama. That's nuts.
Starting point is 01:20:17 Come on. He's been on the brain, man. I do. Fortune cookie is good. Whose brain is he on? Is the fortune cookie more than a fifth round pick? No, but it is a good fifth round pick. The only thing that should be in a fortune cookie is good whose whose brain is he on is is the fortune cookie more than a fifth round pick no but it is a good fifth round pick the only thing that should be in a fortune cookie is an apology every every note you pull out of one should say sorry i'm not a better cookie i love it i think it's a great pick and i love a fortune cookie i got you sean right that means
Starting point is 01:20:37 nothing new yeah that's who you want on your team just for that there's gonna be there's gonna be a good fortune in the next one you open that's some good karma right there you're just gonna write in bed on it for me oh i got you i got that's it the embed game is fun it is i'm not a fortune cookie guy yeah devastated but i love you shocker love you too my turn yeah yeah it's not it's hard to tell how to wrap it out i want to wrap it up with something weird can i do strawberry sugar wafers i think you can oh yeah a wafer is definitely a cookie now that's a fucking cookie that thing that disintegrates in your mouth they're light you can't even tell something's in your hand do you love them you never see them you never see those feel good for you because they feel like you're not eating anything when you
Starting point is 01:21:30 eat one you're like that was not i didn't eat anything it's like you just ate that piece of popcorn you buy those in bricks yeah yeah you get to buy the brick they're always on the bottom shelf they're cheap as hell yeah those are good man yeah those are good i went a long period of my life not liking wafer cookies i loved them when i was a little kid and then i spent a little i would they would like just be in the pantry and i'd have one because i was a little chubby kid who wanted snacks out of the pantry and i just have a bite and even like the way ian treats fortune cookies he'd be like nope nope not for me i i don't know why i keep trying and then like a couple of years ago i had a had a wafer cookie i was like oh yeah this slaps this is fantastic they definitely feel like they're mass-produced oh yeah that assembly line
Starting point is 01:22:10 yeah for sure but yeah no i love them let me uh let me know if i can pick this okay is can i pick because of it's probably can i pick because it's probably can i pick a pizookie oh yeah i think so it's really it's a gigantic chocolate chip cookie with ice cream and whipped cream on it but it's it's a pizookie it's different they bake it in a pizza pan but it is a variation on chocolate chip that's that's what i was gonna say the pizookie itself i think would have been acceptable but i think that is wrapped into chocolate chips on the pizookie but i think they're all like a chocolate chip Pazookie. I think so. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:48 So I don't know if, I was hoping it would count, but I wasn't positive. Can you say it in an E40 voice? I was hoping, the Pazookie, or was hoping it would count? Pazookie.
Starting point is 01:22:58 Pazookie. Pazookie. Yo, what if I say it in an E40 voice and I say Pazookie? Okay, can I go EL Fudge? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I say Pazookie? Okay, can I go E.L. Fudge? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:07 Those are less of a sandwich than s'mores. They're like, yeah. So that's like my second choice for s'mores. So E.L. Fudge. Love them. Yeah, those are good. There's all kinds of different flavors. They still knock.
Starting point is 01:23:18 Solid. Solid. E.L. Fudge. There we go. Yeah, a little butter sandwich cookie. Hell yeah. The mouths do good work. E.L. Fudge.
Starting point is 01:23:24 Time for my final pick, the final pick of the draft. Now, I have ridden hard on other people's picks, so I gotta go I gotta be careful here. Came off the top rope a couple of times. I went hard. I've gone hard this draft. The fiddler off the roof is what we call that, by the way. That's right.
Starting point is 01:23:39 Ooh. Alright, I'm gonna go. I've stayed mostly in the bakery, and I gotta to go to the grocery store now. And I got to go with Mother's Original Circus Animal Cookies. Oh, yeah, those are great. Yeah. Oh, yeah. With the sprinkles?
Starting point is 01:23:57 Yeah, with the sprinkles, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sometimes I want to run away from flavor, too. I get it. Those are like the only cookies we can give Max. We give her those cookies. Those things are maximum flavor, speaking of Max. Maybe too much flavor.
Starting point is 01:24:12 Yeah, they're dank, man, for sure. They're not great for dipping. They're not great for dipping. I love dipping. Want a cookie on the go? Cookie on the go? Sneak them in your lunchbox? You can dip them in hummus or something, though.
Starting point is 01:24:24 You could. Yeah, sweet hummus. Yeah, you could dip them in like hummus or something though you could yeah sweet hummus yeah you could dip them in whatever you want man ketchup it would be fine i know you did ketchup so like those and ketchup they really do feel like we frosted a cracker i'm sorry it's a front well man it is a frosted cracker i mean it's isn't it it's not like an animal cracker right yeah it's a frosted animal cracker. No, it's a shortbread cookie. It's a shortbread cookie. I'm on their website right now. It is a cookie.
Starting point is 01:24:49 I'll say that. I'm just saying it is as close as you could get to just being like, what if I took this bag of animal crackers and dipped them in vanilla? Sounds great to me. Yeah. Sounds delicious. I like it, man. AF email Kuiper is going to rip you a new one. Everybody agrees. You think I'm scared. AFE Mel Kiper is going to rip you a new one. Everybody agrees.
Starting point is 01:25:05 You think I'm scared of AFE Mel Kiper? You think I'm scared of him? I fucking have a sword, dude. Yeah, you do. I know. You kept it in my house. I thought I was going to get arrested. That's right.
Starting point is 01:25:17 Yeah. Ian shipped a sword to my house. I forgot about it. And then a sword showed up to my house. And I had one or two thoughts either one i'm being framed or two i'm being invited to a duel you were being invited to a sacred order a swordsman to which you still belong have you thought about taking it to those dudes at the farmer's market who can sharpen knives and just be like i wonder if you just sharpen my sword
Starting point is 01:25:42 i've thought about it now. The thing is, you're going to have to wear it. Scabbard, yeah. Yeah, you can't walk to a farmer's market with an open sword. Yeah, you got to have a scabbard. Open carry laws in California, man. Got to take back our liberties. Dumbo crats.
Starting point is 01:26:01 Yeah, Mother Circus animals, they're delicious. Everyone agrees. Fantastic pick. Ian, you killed this draft. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah. I'm so glad this wasn't picked. I'm taking those Biscoff cookies you get on Delta flights.
Starting point is 01:26:14 That's a great pick. Those are so good. The cinnamon. Dump that into a coffee, in a cup with a coffee. I'm going to have one of those on the way to Boston. Marissa, how do you feel about fortune cookies? Oh, good question. I think they're fun at the end of the meal. Butissa, how do you feel about fortune cookies? Oh, good question. I think they're fun at the end of the meal,
Starting point is 01:26:28 but yeah, they don't taste great. I would never buy them on my own accord. It's a situational cookie. Yeah, the situation is, oh, I'm full. It's like a fun little activity. You have a little thing at the end of the meal. You can compare fortunes and all that.
Starting point is 01:26:44 That's unique, but yeah, otherwise it's kind of boring listen i just value family more than ian does that's it i just and i like that camaraderie family family you're a cop you cop to recap shocker you went first you took oreos peanut butter, black and white cookies, no baked cookies, and then garbage. David, you went second. You took chocolate chip cookies, white chocolate macadamia nut cookies, shortbread cookies, oatmeal raisin cookies, and strawberry wafers. Sean, you went third. Although you get all the wafers, all the wafers in the world. Sean, you went third.
Starting point is 01:27:20 You took sugar cookies, thin mints, Samooa's thumbprint cookies el fudge i went last i took macarons snickerdoodles chewy ginger molasses cookies roguelach and mother's circus animals we left a lot of great picks on the board not a ton though i got yeah pretty much everything i i i love lemon cookies whatever those are i thought about testing the limits and going stroopwafel or biscotti i was just gonna say that oh it's so good those are so good get a stroopwafel in this do you think i gotta gotten a biscotti because that was another thing on my board i had that on the list biscotti too yeah i had that on the list i think so macaroons those little coconut those like really moist coconut ones yeah yeah all all minor were like variations of like the same like i had like
Starting point is 01:28:03 cranberry white chocolate cookie which is the same it's all variations of the same. I had cranberry white chocolate cookie, which is the same. It's all kind of the same. Subway got those cheesecake raspberry cookies or whatever. Those are ridiculous. Oh, yeah. Those are fire. Sable cookies. Those French butter cookies are really good.
Starting point is 01:28:18 Uh-huh. Right. What are those ones that are just covered in powdered sugar? They're like little mounds. I don't even know what those are, but those are good. They're like Christmas-y. Like't even know what those are but those are good like crinkle lemon guys or something yeah yeah dude what is the shock you always know the dope middle eastern food what are some like good middle eastern cookies so we have a couple the one i thought about taking when you went after i took black and white cookie and i thought you were going to come from my neck, uh, is there's one called, uh, Gak Besikkar, which translates to just like, it's a cookie with sugar.
Starting point is 01:28:48 And it is, it's like, it's a little biscuity. It's, it's crunchy. Cause it's made, I'm guessing with almond flour instead of like, like baking flour or whatever else. But it's, it is just reminds me of like, you know, childhood in Syria. Delicious. Yeah. I did not get any Syrianrian cookies or arab desserts while
Starting point is 01:29:05 i was in qatar which was a failure on my part but uh no yeah i know i'm just i'm about it i'm sorry let the whole team down i would never say that yeah whoa whoa would you say g-ception i not again uh the eel fudge fudge stripes that's a good cookie too shout out to those I ain't not again. The eel fudge fudge stripes. That's a good cookie too. Shout out to those. Yeah. I had Nutter Butters on my list.
Starting point is 01:29:33 Oh yeah, Nutter Butters. Nutter Butters. Went through a phase. That was a big time of my life. That was hamantaschen, which are actually not that good. Fuck. I mean, yeah, we really kind of, we cleaned it up, but we want to hear from you. Oh, those Italian. Oh, Italian. Yeah. fuck i mean yeah we really kind of we cleaned it up but we want to hear from you oh those italian oh italian yeah italian the lani made those for the bake-off thing yeah those are the ones yeah that's right yeah those are so good with a little sliver of almond in
Starting point is 01:29:54 them is that yeah they're almond paste is what you make the cookie with oh those are good red velvet cookies anybody come on rich for my blood these days. But they are good. That's a me thing. Yeah, so is fortune cookies. No, it's not. There's an army of us. There it is. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com
Starting point is 01:30:18 Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity. The AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity. The AFE subreddit. Shout out to Super Producer Mars. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel and all the cookies she makes and the rocky road she makes, which
Starting point is 01:30:33 fucking delish. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaslackity! That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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