All Fantasy Everything - Dating Mistakes (w/ Marcella Arguello, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: January 19, 2023

We inadvertently got really real this week because we drafted "Dating Mistakes!" This was such a fun one! We're all very serious and open and it just feels good I tell ya. This episode is a perfect how not to. Listen on a date if you want! Just don't forget your wallet!    Episode Guest: Marcella Arguello @marcellacomedy IG: @marcellacomedy   Support the show! Head to policygenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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On today's episode, we're drafting dating mistakes. Joining us today is the comedian, writer, actor, our friend who has an upcoming HBO Max special, Marcella Arguello. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that saw a hawk this morning. Yeah, did it make the sound? No, it was just like it was on a low branch, though. Birds of Prey fucked me up, man. I'm not into that. Big. It was big.

They're all big i said eagle a while ago yeah not for me i bet you see a lot of birds of prey in denver yeah this is this is this is a hot this is a hot start i thought you were gonna say marcel i bet you see a lot of birds up there like a big joke that's what i thought he was gonna say run it back run it back run it back because you're tall i'm about to be like ian you're tall too i would never i would never commit a tall on tall atrocity i don't know why that's where my head was going that's where my head was going i think all of us on this podcast are pretty tall yeah yeah we're all like six foot just yamming backwards 26 year old six footers four you know what i When I moved in with

David and Solomon, it was actually on the lease that if I took a picture with David, I had to be crouching down so that he would be equal height. Well, they know. They signed the same thing to be on this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all aspects of my life. I crouch. I just messed up my posture. Yeah, I crawl out during our

live shows and stuff. It's great. That's fine. You guys are good friends. It's all a ruse, too, because I just want people to meet me and say, you're taller than I thought you were. And that's really all this is for. You don't have, well, I don't know. It's because I'm fat. I was going to say, you're fatter than I thought you were. That goes a long way.

The eyes do that. And then they're like, boom. Yeah, yeah. The brain can only process so much. And then it's like you have to unpack this weird boner you got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not easy. I'm not unpacking that for you.

No, no, no. It's complicated. No. That is part of the new highest tier on the Patreon, though, is we will help you unpack your boner. That's how you get the female guests on part of the contract there's a slouch rule and a boner unpacking amendment uh sean is jordan is here sean cougar mel and jordan on instagram sean what do you got coming up where can people see you live live uh sioux falls south dakota with kyle canada matt bronger february 21st

minnesota february 22nd with the same ragtag group fargo north dakota february 23rd with the same uh oh fort collins uh easter weekend i'll be up there oh yeah somebody just told me about that yeah and you're gonna spot i imagine david's gonna pop up and do do a show or two i'm really gonna push for it you're my man you know we'll see are you gonna dress like jesus christ during the set you were talking about doing that just like a full on the cross sort of looking jesus well i don't know if she'd appreciate it that much if i did that oh that's right yeah yeah yeah thank thank you i appreciate jesus was a woman i'm saying that yeah okay you want to be the man that says she wasn't uh so easter weekend want to be the man that says she wasn't?

So Easter weekend, I'll be at Fort Collins. I'll be the woman that says she doesn't. There you go. There we go. You want to get into it? Let's go. And I respect that opinion. And then going backwards, January 26th, I'll be in Astoria, Oregon doing jokes.

That's it. Oh, beautiful. Yeah. I'm going to take my mom. My mom's going to be here next weekend. My mom and my sister. I'm taking them to the coast you do stand up not for a while not an hour so it'll be fun does she like it i don't know i don't know i hope so hopefully she just falls asleep yeah that's ideal i'm at the point where i'm like you know you know you don't want to come

you know i don't want you to come my mom didn't even come to my special taping she's like yeah yeah it's like i get it relax i'll take you to dinner that's what you want to do for my mom you know like i know she'll appreciate she'll be like oh that's cool that you're up there but it's like you know it's not for you and i get that it's but i think she'll be yeah she'll just be stoked to go it'll be fun and show the ocean maybe see a whale you know get out there has she seen the ocean before a handful of times it's okay so she was here for my wedding and then i think when i was in first grade that was the last time other than that so yeah crazy it's like a 35 year gap i know yeah she didn't fly for 35 years the last flight she

took before my wedding was like twa or some shit or Northwest. One of those TWA? Yeah, like Transworld, whatever it was called. She was blasting cigs and sexually harassing the flight attendants. Fill it up to the top this time. The good old days. Put some alcohol

in it this time. A.F.E.'s brought to you by the good old days. David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes77 on Instagram. Not on Twitter anymore. Where can the people see you? late at this time if he's brought to you by the good old days david boris here cool guy jokes 77 on instagram not on twitter anymore where can the people see you flying your train january 27th you can find me at the newbury the new berry in great falls montana yeah uh you can also find me hold on i gotta pull it up i can never find the email that it's all in. You can also catch me Bay Area. I have my triumphant return to Rooster Teeth Feathers. That's a club I obviously always worked.

March 23rd through 27. March 31st through April 2nd, you can catch me at the Dallas Comedy Club. And April 7th through 10th, I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. Wow. Damn. Damn. Yeah, you know, we're doing it. And then I'm in Anchorage, Alaska. Wow. Damn. Damn. Yeah, you know, we're doing it. And then I'm going to Rio de Janeiro.

Nice. For fun or for festival? For fun. That's just to do it. That's nice. Good for you. I'm going to see Christ the Redeemer. Do you have plans yet?

Besides seeing Christ the Redeemer? Yeah. Not really. Why not? It's like supposed to be one of the best cities to just like walk around. It's just beautiful everywhere. And then they've got all kinds of like weird shit. So I just figured out I am,

you know, I'm on a 10 day Duolingo Portuguese streak. We're doing it. There you go. Wow. You want to have a talk? Yeah. It just sounds like drunk Spanish to me.

But yeah, you know, so any of those. What if you have Brazil rocks? A lot of Portuguese words are like J and then so many vowels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just like. A lot of accents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, like the verb, like the, like the, I don't know what you call it, the verbiage or the conjugation or whatever is like, it all runs together more than Spanish. Like in Spanish, I can like hear all the words in a sentence, but then like in Portuguese, it's like way harder.

It's like, I don't know what happened. No chance. Are you going to try to see the rainforest? The Amazon? Is that near there? Brazil's probably the biggest. No chance. Are you going to try to see the rainforest? The Amazon? Is that near there? Brazil's probably big as fuck. That's like saying someone's going to New York,

and I'm like, are you going to check out the Grand Canyon? Yeah, I mean, Christ the Redeemer was the first thing, and then we're just going to work backwards from there. I found some restaurants and stuff. It'll be cool. What is Christ the Redeemer? That's the big, giant, like, Jesus on the hill, like, way, way up you watch if you watch one of the fast and furious movies it's very much in there fine i'm pretty sure he drives like a

fucking hummer into it yeah they kind of revolve around that in one of them i don't just i thought it was like an action film christ i was like prioritizing this movie? I'm like super militant Christian now. That's great. He's a Bolsonaro guy, so he's going down to just sort of say everything right. It's Fast Five, just to be clear. I mean, it's the one that goes to Brazil. It's the best Fast and the Furious. I have watched none of them.

What? That's crazy, because you actually, I think, would like it. Really? It's just dudes being dumb and buff and driving fast. There are some words in there I like. That's what I'm saying. I feel like it would be similar to watching you watch basketball where it's like, we're both having a fun time, but you're enjoying this for different reasons. I love the thighs.

I got into soccer this year. I believe you did. Those thighs. I believe you did. Those thighs. I believe you did. I was like, what have I been doing with my time? He's not a good dude, but have you ever seen Ronaldo's thighs? Cristiano Ronaldo's thighs are crazy. Those are crazy.

There were some crazy thighs. What's funny is though is that I look at the thighs and not the face. David knows this about me. I look at the body. I don't look at the face. I care less. It's like some real player shit to be honest. That's how I know you're from the face. David knows this about me. I look at the body. I don't look at the face. I care less. It's like some real player shit, to be honest. That's how I know you're from the Bay.

I'm not from the Bay. I'm from Modesto 209. Oh, I'm sorry. I need to see the working parts. Face don't do nothing but talk, baby. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Dude, listen to a guy talk about the fucking basketball game. Their strategy. What do I care? That's what I would have done. I want to work on a bit about how I hate that men are always like,

the WNBA should be more popular because women should be supporting other women. I was like, I don't watch sports for the women. Or the sports. I watched the sports. The bit didn't work when I tried to do it.

I know. It's harder to see dudes' dongs flopping around in those shorts when you watch the WNBA. Sometimes you get a ref. That's it. Boner unpacking. I didn't even know that was a thing until like, I didn't, I never even thought of entertainment.

There were, I never crossed my mind mind like how he's stuttering i never was gay before it was just like it was just crazy it was crazy because you're like whoa this is a whole aspect wait what are we talking about we're talking about dicks flapping around when dudes are running? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just admiring. Something you can notice if you look? Oh, buddy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Some people wear jock straps and stuff. Sometimes they don't. This is basketball. Remember compression shorts?

Soccer basketball, this happens the most, I'm guessing. Not really football. Yeah, football, your dick is hidden. The good thing about football is the tight pants and you get the buns. You get a lot of buns action. Buns action. Big needy.

Big dude butts too. And if you're like guts, you get a lot of good action. It's nice. It is nice. It's about butts. It's about butts. Butts and guts. Butts and guts.

Butts and guts. That's the HBO special, right? Butts and guts. Butts and guts. That's what it's called. Butts and guts. I'm bringing comedy back. special right butts and guts i'm bringing comedy back in your face that's what we've been missing speaking of which uh marcella is here twitter marcella comedy instagram marcella comedy website marcella comedy.com

hbo tell us about this tell the people everything everything. I'm excited. I'm very excited. It's very funny. I can't say when the fuck comes out yet because these motherfuckers are withholding. But it's coming soon. And even if it gets delayed, it's still coming soon. It's really good. You guys are going to love it.

We did two shows. We only used the first one because I fucking killed it. That's hard. That's awesome. I did it. I fucking killed it. That's hard. That's awesome. I did it. I fucking killed it. That's fucking, that's so much better. Yeah, that's sick.

There was only one thing that was taken out and it was like, I do a Disney song. I do like a little beep beep and they had to take it out. The joke still works. Yeah. I was like, I'm so proud. I'm very proud. It was kind of like the woke bully where it was like we did two shows, but almost I would say that had like two swap jokes out from the second show but the first show was it like i nailed it when you

know you get the first one and then you can just chill out a little bit on the second one and like enjoy the experience what was cool was i was thinking like oh i'm gonna i'm not really gonna do the full set i don't think and then i went up and ida saw me because she was ida rodriguez is directing it and she was like do whatever you want do whatever you want have fun talk shit do your impressions she said do whatever you want doesn't matter she was all just hit the moonwalk because i was i had like my moonwalk bit that i do so she was like just so we have coverage in case we need another shot but it was we didn't even need it it was great i had That had to feel great. Oh, man. I got so ripped. The second show, I was pretty drunk. I got to say that.

Can you say the name of the special yet? I don't even think I can say the name. I'm so frustrated right now. I'm telling you, it's like days away. That's what's so frustrating about this. Tease them out. We'll have you back when it comes out. You know, honestly, if you say it and it does come out before this, I bet Mars could put

the sound clip in if you just want to say it and not have it on if it doesn't come out yet. We could probably do that. I just, I'm scared. You don't have to do it. Don't do it then. You know what we should do? You know what we should do?

I'll be like, it's me, Marcella. My HBO Max special comes out on and the name and it's called and then like David or somebody just fills it in. Yeah, I was going to say Sean. We have Sean coming to do it. One of you, one of you. Sean like butts and guts. Butts and guts.

How about that? We're going to do that anyways. It comes out on 69.420. I think it's going to be announced this week. To me, there's no way it wouldn't, but I also am like, some of the people we're working with really don't like me.

So I wouldn't be surprised if they're trying to fucking fuck me. Wow. Palace and Drake. Yeah. Do you have to go do like a press tour when it comes out too? And like all that shit? No, but yes. But no, but yes.

Cool. I think me and Ida are going to strategize some stuff. But like, it's not, I think with the half hours, it's not as, you know, it's not like the hours where, you know, they're giving you, they want you here.

They want you there with the half hour. Well, the other thing is, are people going to be doing hours going forward? It doesn't feel like. I mean, they are, but are people going to be watching hours?

I think that's the biggest question. Sean did 90 minutes. I was like, yo, that's bugged out. Oh, Patton. I was like, yo, that's bugged out. Oh, Patton? Yeah, it's an hour and a half. And that's, you know what?

And I haven't mentioned that too. After she saw mine, she was like, you make me want to shoot a half hour special. Like you made it look so fun. And it was like nothing. And you know, people are going to watch the whole thing. Yeah. Right, right, right. It's like half hours.

Like you can have no fill. You can just kill oh dude i did i was like i had a the crowd kept applauding and i was like you guys have to stop and we included that in there i was like you guys have to stop this is like i don't have time i literally have i do not have time for this clapping like there are people who should be doing hours but i feel like that should be like a thing that's like you know like maybe a little more sacred and precious that's the problem you can really cry too because a bad hour is the fucking worst to watch seen a few recently and that was that was not that's not fun when you see a bad hour or worse if the hour is the introduction like that's sad if it's not good yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a comparison

yeah it's embarrassing i mean what's gonna be good is is your special which is called nuts and butts it comes out 69 420 all right uh my name oh wait where can people see you live this comes out uh this week where can people catch you um women crush Crush Wednesdays is back February 15th in Los Angeles. I'm excited because I think I'm at the Hollywood Improv where it's been. And I'm excited because I'm going to switch up the format because Women Crush started as a way for me to get a bunch of women on shows and people see women and get introduced to them and to help them get bookings and now people are just coming for me and it's kind of awkward and I and I it's has kind of not been pleasant for me to watch comics kind of not do well because like the audience is waiting for me to come out and I'm like oh that's kind of weird I don't like that

I want you guys to like support these women but it's good for me, but it's kind of weird, so we're changing the format. So please come to that. It'll be a lot of fun. I'll be at the San Francisco Punchline March 7th and 8th, I believe. And that's all on my calendar right now because I have a foot injury. I was scared to book more shit, and now my foot injury is healing. So I'm feeling like I'm going to, you know, start booking more shit.

You need to get your ass up to Portland one of these days. Yes, I do. I've got a room waiting for you. I know. I want to come back to Portland. I want to come to Denver. Yeah, I've been wanting,

Denver's like on the top of the list of like where I want to go. So I'll be heading up there. Come do high note comedy in Denver, Colorado. What's that? You can do high note comedy in Portland too.

It's what we call it now oh it's the new name oh wait speaking of which can i do can i do a drop for high note on january 20th rob hayes and then on february 17th we have britney carney from new york we're very excited rob not i watched his set the other day i think it was his was it um with cordon maybe when he goes yeah columbus day didn't happen like that he the way that he says it is so goddamn funny to me he's just so yeah rob's really funny he's so funny like goofy he has like that early 90s goofy black comic uh rhythm dude it's great yeah that we that really got lost in the world of

everyone trying to be chapelle or martin lawrence dog and i'm so glad rob brought it back yeah i'm so sick of like overly verbose comedy is what i've decided i think everybody's talking too much they're saying 50 extra words for every jokes i want it to just be like streamlined and very funny. Bro, watch my special, bro. You're going to be like, yep. Dude, I'm telling you, I was like so motivated. You know what actually motivated me more was I went in preparation because I got it. I got the news and I had to shoot it in four weeks, right? Which sucks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's how it goes. And so I was like, I want to find some very, very old jokes of my own. Because I was like, I know I have a couple like one-liner bangers in here that i've that aren't on the woke bully that i stopped doing but i know they're out there and i could like just use them throw away and i was watching all my old clips and i was like man i used to have so much more fun on stage i used to be so much more energetic and i used to not be so fucking verbose and monotone all the time and i was like trying to tap back into that shit and it was so nice because i was like yeah this is why i used to love comedy because it used

to be like i used to be able to do all the things on stage in one set and i got lost in that somehow because you know you watch so much or the energies of the rooms or whatever city starts to wear you down and it just changes how you perform and then you look back your old sets and you're like i used to be really fucking different yeah yeah and just the tone of comedy kind of changed i feel like it overall the whole game got so much more serious yeah yeah because when i look at my old sets too i was like boy comedy used to be really fun it didn't used to be like i was i was giving like a lecture of some kind yeah you know what i mean or like trying to like get these concepts over it

used to just be like hey wouldn't it be funny if peacocks at dicks or whatever i was talking about yeah i also like try to keep in touch with people that like you know like larry bubbles brown like i'll call that fool every now and again every year you call him that's really funny i love talking to him you guys don't know who Larry Bubba's Brown and he's just like, like he's his old school one liner, super dirty comic. This full we're on the phone and I'm telling him like, Oh, my foot is injured.

It's taking like a long time to heal. Like I really ignored this problem because I think I'm denying that I'm aging. And he was just like, Marcel, it's true. And the older you get, the longer it takes to heal.

Like it took me four days to recover from a blowjob. And I lost it. And I was like, Larry, please write that joke down. And he was like, really? Okay, I'm writing it down right now. And I was like, yeah, this is like the shit that I miss about comedy and being stupid. It should be stupid and funny. I'm over it being smart and like but it is but

that's the thing though his is smart because it is about aging and like it does take long to heal but like obviously that's not true but it is also in some capacity probably true yeah you know yeah yeah and so um four days to recover emotionally yeah exactly i exactly. I mean, also like, well, not to get into the minutiae, but like, you know, when you used to be able to go like, I can go eight times in a day or like whatever, when you were like in your 20s. And now it's like, hey, a couple times a week, I'm fine. I'm fine. Twice a day and I thought something was wrong with me. I was like, why am I taking the limitless pill? Like, if that happened, I thought I was Superman.

It's crazy. So funny. I've never had it like that. Never. You're low T. Yeah, I got low T. Hella. Yeah.

Yeah, for Dave. We're going to cut this out, Mars. Thank you. I'm just waiting for David to tell his limp dick story. Come on, David. We're waiting. Limp dick story? Yeah.

Oh, I don't have any good ones. Damn. It's just like, oh man, it's five in the morning. Well, you're blacked out. That's why you don't remember the good ones. It's five in the morning. You've been drinking whiskey. Oh, this is crazy. Yeah, crazy. Crazy. I treated my body this way

and I can't get on. My one skill. My penis and I are like an old married and I can't get on. My one skill. Yeah. My penis and I are like an old married couple. We've like grown distant where we share the same house, but it's mostly a friendship. Barely see him. We're in different rooms all the time.

Write that down. We like to go on trips together. You know what I mean? That's what keeps us. We agree on Jeopardy. We're both Disney adults. So that's what keeps the whole thing. It's nice not to eat alone.

It's just nice not to eat alone. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Hymns app, I guess, if we're on the topic of limp dicks. Come see me at the denver comedy works uh in june and those exact june dates are pull them pull them don't they're coming i'm gonna be there motherfucking thursday june 22nd friday june 23rd and saturday june 24th come see me at the comedy works in denver tickets available now i'm gonna be there and then i don't really have any dates between now and then because it's the end of the late late show and then we're going to i'm going to fucking italy for three weeks come see me in italy yeah go to italy i'm fucking out and then i'll be back i want to go i

want to eat i've never been i'm excited. I'm so excited for you. I'm like, not fasting, but I'm like setting myself up with a base. So I'm going to try to lose some weight so I can go to Italy and just gain every ounce of the bag. I can't fucking wait. That's a great strategy. After going to Tokyo, I realized I want to travel to eat. People trick you into thinking you need to travel to sightsee. You don't. You travel for whatever reason you want. You need to travel to eat like i think i do like people think trick you into thinking you need to travel to sightsee you don't you travel for whatever reason you want you i mean you need to travel to eat

i travel to eat my entire trip to france like there are museums sprinkled in and stuff but it was like dinner here dinner here dinner here and i think that's why i didn't like love france that much because we didn't put an emphasis on food we put an emphasis on the sites and i was like uh can we and i would like keep trying to stop into place and be like no we're gonna go and i'll be like and now i'm like oh that's why i didn't enjoy it as much sure because the food in france is crazy i mean it was very good but i'm saying i wish we could have planned to like just actually like instead of you know making the effort to go uh fucking you know see the fucking arch to triumph yeah you know that area sucks like the arctic triumph area is like their sunset or like hollywood boulevard almost like it's just like oh there it is nice that's cool i guess it would be cool to see this before it had been surpassed by architecture.

Right. You know what I mean? It's like, if I saw this in the 1800s, my mind would have been blown. But now I'm like, Vegas has four of these. What are we doing? Yeah. But the food hits all. We did a thing in this town called Aix-en-Provence in the south, or Avignon, Avignon, where we went.

They had like a market that was open every day. And we just went and bought all the lunch stuff, like a picnic, packed it up, and then we went to this aqueduct and swam in the aqueduct on the river underneath it. So it was food and sightseeing. So romantic. I love it. Combine the two. I love it. So catch me in Italy.

All the Italian AFV fans, you can see me in Venice, Florence. Eating spaghetti. Eating spaghetti. Come up and say hi. And that's the only date. Listen to all fantasy everything. We are gathering here today, though, not to talk about spaghetti, although it might come up again, but to fantasy draft.

It might. It may come up. It might. Don't eat spaghetti. Don't slurp one noodle of spaghetti. To fantasy draft draft dating mistakes yeah marcella this was your idea right or was this on the was this on the list i'm yeah yeah yeah it was on the list it was my 10th choice after being told we already did that we already did that i went in and did redo the list because there's a lot of it we've already done that was

my bad my fault at a bad at a bad uh dating mistakes is fun though we've all we've all dated we've all loved and lost and loved again uh we've been we've been through the ringer several times and we're here to share with you our hard-won wisdom now i think i've done everything wrong yeah but you did a lot of stuff right that's why i picked it because i was like these guys are gonna have some stupid fucking things to say and i really can't wait like whatever i was writing my list i'm just like oh you idiot I really can't wait. You're going to be like, whatever. I was writing my list and I'm just like, oh, you idiot, dude. I can't wait. It was so fun. Specific stories, yeah.

Now, the way we're going to determine the order of these humiliations is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissor, shoot. Marcella wins. Yeah. go oh rock paper scissors shoot yeah nobody's done that before 300 something episodes and nobody's thrown the fucking gun out i'm sorry

it's still out on the table like obviously she's winning it's not a gun that's my new dick no they're the same thing we unpacked her gun dick oh my god i can't believe no one's done that i can't believe it either that's fucking crazy i can't we might have done it drunk at a live show but i don't think ever sober on a drink at the live show on the zoom the like on the zoom to cover your whole face nobody's drinking at the live shows ever, so let's just stop that. That's true. We don't drink at the live shows. Never.

Marcella, you're the winner, so it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it's a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. It's like looking for a parking spot in a crowded parking lot. Tell me that's not a good one. You go all the way down. You can't find a spot.

You go over a little bit. You go all the way back up. You can't find a spot. Just all the way back and forth, moving along a little bit on each edge until you find a spot way in the back. It's a fabulous explanation. It's a fabulous explanation. Short, sweet, concise. I am.

I'm happy about it. Basically, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round now marcella with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be man this is the hardest part let's see it'll go obviously me because i'm so good let me go ian next whoa this is that's the third time in a row. For some reason, people always used to put me last, and I've been getting put in second over and over again. Times are changing. I like it.

You're like Jennifer Coolidge. You just got to wait. You just got to wait it out. My time has come. Your time has come. And then we're going to go Sean Jordan. Tight. Tight.

And then we're going to go stupid-ass David Boren. Hot corner. There it is. Now, Marcella, you have the first pick tight. We're going to go stupid ass. David Borey. There it is. Now, Marcella, you have the first pick of the dating mistakes. All right. See everything. And we're going to get to that first pick right after this short break.

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We got it made. This is the only podcast. Marcella, you have the first pick in the dating mistakes. I'll finish everything draft. I'm going to do a big one for first. I'm going to say ignoring red flags. Oh, that's a good one. Boy, oh boy. So many dates I would go on i would ignore him because i'm like i always felt so lucky to even have somebody who was like

willing to go and i would get some insane i don't want to i feel bad getting too specific because i'm going to pick some red well i I'm guessing. So I don't know. But yes. Well, sometimes it felt like, well, here I am marching into battle with my own impressive set of red flags. Like, who am I? Sure. I think that's a big part of it. I think that's a big part of why we ignore the red flags.

You're like, well, I'm not perfect. Yeah. I think so, too. Sometimes there's like one or two really great things that you're like yeah but also the pussy you're talking about the pussy okay we're just gonna be gross about things two could be boobs and i was talking about the throat anyways like the guts the guts and the butts the guts and the butts or whatever it is though there's like a much bigger thing that you're like yeah but they're pretty cool. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess. I think the obvious lying is what really, I was really realizing that was my big, big red flag I kept ignoring. I was like, oh, he's obviously lying, but I'm not going to call him out. I don't actually care. Because I'm also like, if you're lying about something that I don't care about like what, you know, what happened earlier, Sean was like, I don't care. Then I move on in my head. Wait, now what was I lying about? About the snapping. Oh, see, no, you're wrong.

It's hitting your palm. Oh, wait, you don't believe that? No, I said, I don't care. Oh, okay. I didn't say it's not true or not. It's that I don't care either way. And so with the lying, I would not care that they were lying,

not realizing it was setting up for more lying because they thought I was believing their lies, if that makes sense, you know? That makes perfect sense. Sometimes when somebody lies, if it doesn't matter, it's almost cute where you're like, oh, they're trying to impress me or something.

Exactly. And then you're like, it's going to matter when they're like, no, I didn't fuck that person. You're like oh they're trying to impress me or something exactly and then you're like it's going to matter when they're like no i didn't fuck that person you're like well okay i was at lunch with jay-z and i told him i'm like man you got a nip line in the bud right now because like it starts it starts here i took the half a mil what the fuck's he gonna tell me how to how to restart rockefeller records he's gonna tell me to sign benny siegel i'll figure it the fuck out. That's your number, huh? 500 racks?

Okay. You don't remember when that was going around? Yeah. Wait, no, I don't. What are we talking about? It was a whole thing of like, would you rather have lunch with Jay-Z or $500,000? A bunch of idiots were like, you know, I'll take the lunch because lunch is shit. What?

Take the fucking lunch. You're going to either pick his brain or sell yourself. It could be $10,000 I'm serious I'm serious What am I going to learn from Jay-Z There were times in my life it could be $1,000 I would take lunch alone

Over lunch with Jay-Z I don't want to annoy him Also how do you watch interviews of Jay-Z And think he's going to tell you anything That's exactly He's never given up any game ever that's his whole thing i think he barely gave game to beyonce because he was like well i can make money off her if we work together that was the only he saw her as a business a joint

venture you know it's like that's the only way he ever told her yeah yeah somebody could tell me all their all their business secrets i wouldn't know what to do with it i don't know what i'm doing for me it would be like sitting down with a guy who's like doing string theory or discrete mathematics they like tell me about i'm like great i can't do fucking shit with that somebody could give me their social and i wouldn't know how to do identity someone could give me their social i wouldn't know people are like identity theft. I'm like, I don't know what I would do. Who's in your window, Sean? That's my wife. I thought you were going to do it.

I thought you were getting robbed. Who's that looking through my window? Pow. Nobody, nobody now. That's Laura with an AFB sweatshirt on doing yard work. Yeah, dude. I'm such a loser. David got so scared.

I'm such a loser. I thought it was a home invasion i didn't realize that'd be cool more patreon content marcella sliding that gun through the computer and i'd handle it real quick no but you know what i mean if somebody gave me all their personal info i wouldn't know how to do identity theft it's stuff like that we're like i don't i don't know i don't know you know i know how to do what i'm doing barely getting back there's also like there's there's situational red flags and then i think there's also like um there's also just fucking i feel like universal red flags too and sometimes you gotta look out for those like i guess if somebody goes out drinking a ton that's a red

flag to some people but to to others, it's like, no, that's what I do for fun too, and we go together. Maybe that's a red flag for your doctor, but not, you know, I don't know. Me and my doctor got different flags. Red and blue, baby. We barely get along.

We barely get along. It's like that scene in Straight Outta Compton. That's the only time it works. Yeah, you deserve, and this gets down to self-esteem in a lot of ways right yeah like you deserve to not date somebody who's like got got a ton of red flags either yours or universal takes so long to realize that i still if i were dating still i still wouldn't think that i still would avoid i guarantee i'd still ignore him. Be like, nah. Now I'd look at it like I got it.

You know, who would want to settle for me? That's a weird thing. But I always thought that. Damn, you're your own red flag. Yeah, that's pretty buck. All red flag was me all the way. Because you got to be right out up front with it. It's like, you're going to have to do the yard work.

I'm going to be inside. I'm going to be inside with my cushy talk job. Let's just throw a hypothetical out there. It's January 15th in Portland, Oregon. It's cold. The gutters are plugged up. I'm on a beanbag chair doing my cushy talking job. I'm doing my work on a beanbag chair doing my fishy talking job. I'm doing my work on a beanbag chair.

You are a red flag. Like on paper, I wouldn't want you to date my sister. On paper. I swear. I feel like Grace, he works from a beanbag chair. That's going to scale up. I had to sell myself after we got married. I remember telling her dad,

yeah, we make money. It you know it's it's all good like i remember saying because it just sounds like i don't yeah after you explain podcast while you're asking for permission to marry please please still trying to recover ignoring red flags fantastic first pick uh in my first pick i'm going to i'm gonna i'm gonna go coming like oh what's the right way to put this are you coming like coming on too strong coming too quick i swear to god i thought it was gonna be too quick and i'm like what eat out of the gate my heart my heart's beating faster than it than it was a second ago i really thought i'm gonna say that i'm like what because you're about to come some people are into that they're good they're like oh a job a job well done and quickly holy no like coming like like coming on i i guess the right way to put this is like outpacing the seriousness of your, now I'm going to stick with like coming on too strong.

I know exactly what you mean. Love bombing and all that shit. Love bombing, all that stuff where it's like, okay, you've been on like one, you've been on one or like two dates and like you're, you know, you're like so eager. you've been on one or like two dates and like you're you know you're like so eager you're you're like high on these feelings of like i like this person and they and they like me and like we've got another date planned and i'm like walking around on cloud nine and it's just like it's like binging on love you know what i mean it's like how can i get more of this now i want more of it now how can i like keep accelerating and accelerating and like you will in a lot of ways you will sometimes convince

yourself to be more into someone than you actually are because you're so high on those feelings rather than like actually liking that person on balance which isn't fair to them and it's not fair to you and oftentimes you'll just scare the other person away because they're like if they're in like a well-adjusted good place they're like whoa what is it like i like this guy going nuts yeah like this person feels like they're gonna fucking like propose to me you know what i mean they're like saying we should go on a vacation after two dates like that kind of thing i've definitely done that shit yeah i was i was surprised that you just said that i was like damn i would but flex move though because i've always been so poor that what's interesting about that is that um it's it's a red flag and then when you meet someone

who's doing the same thing it becomes like a triple red flag because you're just like oh this is gonna like like uh those like celebrity marriages where they get married after like two months you're like oh they were just really into each other it built up too fast to like everything is no matter what you do and you have to build a solid base yeah to keep going so anything like that fast and big is like it's like of course you're gonna crash you you're going nuts yeah i got married like two like two years two years and change after after like meeting dana right yeah yes and uh and like even that like that that's about i feel like as fast i mean obviously that's as fast as i want to do it that is fast it's pretty quick it was like pretty quick but like i did feel like you know you want it to be like a pyramid you know like and the wedding

is the stone at the top of that pyramid make sure you have that like lots of like common experiences together you've seen each other in a lot of different uh in a lot of different scenarios different like phases of your lives you know you want to like i don't know like measured don't rush into it absolutely yeah i remember this girl i was dating i kept telling all her friends separately we went on like two dates and all her friends whenever i'd see him i'd be like you got to put in a good word for me just really such a stupid and then she one day she was she hit me she goes why the fuck do you keep telling all my friends to put in a good word because so i guess like 30 different people were like hey sean's pretty dope sean's pretty dope right over

the course of like a week and then i'm like oh god well just like what a loser because you know 30 different people energy shit yeah i mean i've always acted like a virgin and it's funny because like nobody's when you lost your virginity you were still a child i was 13 But nobody's that dope, though. I was a kid. It's great. Oh, my God. Yeah. A lot of layers. That's like still playing with toys. Little bar mitzvah boy.

Oh, my God. That's awful. Yeah. Yeah. But imagine, though, if I didn't say that and 30 of her friends. At-risk youth. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, I know that feeling is coming on too strong. But see, that's the thing, too is that you have to like heal all your shit so that when you are dating someone they're also ready to hear that information and understand why your brain is wired the way it is yeah yeah yeah yeah kind of explain it like yeah sometimes if you can't explain like if you're aware of those if like it helps so much if you're like aware of what those issues are you know that there's a ghost of that issue inside of you yes because you can't ever get rid of it like i've been writing about like this thing about being fat and i've been like writing about dating and thinking about it a lot like and how much being like not and not and not being fat but think like having a low self-worth because of how i felt about myself and there was like

and i like it's like not even realizing how people viewed you not even caring how people viewed you right because it doesn't matter it matters how you view yourself and how they've viewed me that's the only hump you can get over completely was so much more mild than how i viewed myself was so much less like less of severe like by leagues and leagues but like you know like a a an issue of that kind like like a dating issue the kind of that self-destructive stuff you like even if it's an active murder scene in your brain and your soul and you do a lot of work to get rid of it it'll always at least be a haunted house you'll never never completely clear it out. Absolutely.

But like you said, Marcel, if you're aware of that and you can explain that to your partner and be like, hey, sometimes this is going to happen, like, God, that helps. It does. And if you have a partner that's going to be understanding and actually loves you, like, they will go with it. Yeah. 100%.

That's a fucking green flag. That's a green flag. That's a green flag. I never even thought of the color of the good flag yeah yeah i was like oh green flags this is what you should look for good colors damn is sean jordan a dating mistake uh i mean i'm just i think i might have taken it slightly differently but just i'm a little less broad, but like getting too hammered. I just.

Oh, yeah. It's always. Yeah. And I. That is a dating mistake. I know, but it's like we're on a date. This is a mistake I'm making on this date. It's not like a broad thing.

That's a mistake. That's a mistake at the Applebee's on the first date. Oh, at the literal date. You know what I mean? That's a mistake over the first six months of a relationship. Yeah. Totally. And it's ruined.

I brought you here because it's Dollar Long Island. It ruined so many of my relationships, and I'm thrilled because of where I'm at. I wouldn't change a single thing, not one thing, but Jesus. I mean, maybe not 13. I would change that. I don't know. It was pretty tight.

I'll tell you what. I was cool. Oh, no. No. I remember those dudes. I remember those dudes. change that i don't know it was pretty tight i'll tell you what i was cool i bet oh no no i remember i remember those dudes i i remember those dudes but it was like you were like whoa yo i dude the thing is there were about his name but there were the thing is there was i wasn't the one there were 20 of us probably i mean i it's not like i was a freak at my school somehow yeah it just was something that was happening at any i digress uh getting like it's a lot to unpack you need to do a whole fantasy draft of that with that incident we should not nobody wants the details i will be on vacation

i refuse the next time the next time please welcome pa. Tompkins. Paul, where's your draft? Sean losing his virginity at 13. I'm not a legal genius, but I feel like this is bad. This is an in-person, ear-to-ear, out in a park, no recorders around. And I'll tell you the story. But anyway. Or in an office with a professional. But that's just not it. Even if you get hammered.

Like, if that's something you do a lot, it's fine. But it's just weird to be like, I've been on dates where I'm just getting shots and things like that. And there are dates where it's fine to do that. It's whatever. But I've been on first dates where that's happening. I've been on dates where I about halfway through, it's like, I do not remember what we talked about and I'm not going to remember on the next date, that kind of thing, you know?

And for whatever reason, sometimes it was nerves. Sometimes it was not feeling it. Sometimes I thought this is like the new lubricant that I needed for the date. Because I didn't think I was like, why in the world would she even be here? Stuff like that. Sometimes I thought I needed to be that guy. That's what she expected. Sometimes you're just 14 and the world's confusing.

I mean, pretty common no brainer. But it's just that's a mistake that I've made the most hands down. Like way too much. I'm trying to think of like if i've ever gotten too drunk on a date but i don't know if i think i get too scared i mean as a woman it's a little scary yeah of course you don't want to get ripped up with some dude you don't know seems not safe at all especially a first date like yeah who knows on here is what i would be thinking i mean mean, that's what's funny is everybody knows that women, we all like send each other our coordinates and we give the information of the person we're going out with.

Cause that's how fucking scared we are. I actually remember blacking out once, not on a day, just like I was out with my friends and I was young and I, it was my first time getting blacked out. And I remember being like, I will never do that again because it was so scary to wake up and be like, I'm tucked into bed perfectly fine.

This is like, so this can be so dangerous because it's like scary to wake up and be like, I'm tucked into bed perfectly fine. This is like, so this can be so dangerous because it's like, I am safe. Nothing happened to me, but imagine the possibilities. Yeah. But yeah, but there's a lot of this point where it kind of.

Which brings me to my rape fantasy. Just kidding. Oh no. Another draft I will not be participating in. That's another in the park conversation. Why is in the park your place? I like parks, man. I'm a weird.

I got a weird thing with parks. That's like a safe space for white boys. We got to take this to the park. Sitting on the bench, like on the picnic table, on the top of it. Oh, yeah. Sitting on the picnic table. White boys love that. Parks are interracial.

Parks are interracial. Yeah, but white boys specifically love a parking I've learned that over the years and you sit with your feet on the bench and your butt on the table like a dickhead that's what I'm saying it's the sitting backwards in a chair

of picnic tables man sitting backwards in a chair do people still do that? I remember like adults I remember like adults at the Boys and Girls Club sitting backwards in the chair and being like, what do you know about AIDS?

And you're like, ugh. It's turning most of us into the gangsters' paradise. That song always comes on. Every time I see a backwards chair, I think of that song. Why am I so blind to see?

Michelle Pfeiffer turned her chair around around like tell me about the ghetto buckets lv did a did a single of that song without coolio and it did not go well but it's is that just the stevie wonder song yeah lv lv did a whole thing where he sings his whole version of that song like wouldn't that just be him covering pastime paradise well i think so but with just different lyrics like a parody version yeah yeah like he does a gangster version yeah that sucks i know poor he's sweating the whole time to that poor man i know that movie was like playing on the whole white savior stereotype but like they really fucking wrote that they drove that point home with michelle pfeiffer dude it's not a wider person it's a whole genre of movie there's 50 of those fucking movies i cried because my mom in the car she found out it was rated r on our way to go

see it and i was with my man who was who was way tougher than me she told she's like oh it's rated r you can't go i started crying in the car we were, you know, maybe you were too young to, we were 12. We were 12. I fully thought I was a crip. I'm crying in the car next to another kid who thought he was a crip. And then she, I cried so hard.

She let us go. Oh, I was going to say, I thought it'd be funny if she didn't. And then you guys just had to see like burn going. Just like, in our Dickies suit. I'm 12 years old now,

but will I live to see dangerous month away things are going i don't know i will yeah i was gonna make it oh my god that is so funny yeah i was crying anyway getting too hammered i certainly did it okay just because i was nervous and like didn't believe in myself before day and it's also not to disc it's fun i mean it's fun so that's like another part where i'm like fun for you in that context i don't think it is fun it's like more like yeah i don't know it's like stressful and then you're getting drunk and you're realizing you're like wasted around this girl and you're being the worst of yourself and you can't like yeah i think it would have been more fun to believe in myself. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, exactly. 100%.

Yeah, so be it. David, time for your first and second picks. My first pick is not valuing my own time enough. Damn. See, that's a good one. Because it's a thing. It's intangible, and you start to give it to people in a way, and you have to be like, whoa, wait.

My shit is like, I can't be out here running after you I got I make money like you can't be doing this you know what I mean like you have to like you can't just give that freely the amount of times when I was like there was a girl who just like clearly wasn't into me and wasn't able to

take your time she'll take your time she won't communicate but I'd also get like a hey you want to hang out on friday trying to make a plan uh oh we'll see and then like maybe you know and then you're like oh keep friday open just because you're so i hate that desperate for the maybe yeah and then on friday you'd never do what even you could be doing good shit you're still like i want and it's like get the fuck yeah your time is like in the pit of my stomach thinking about it the whole time i'm like oh my god she's not gonna hit me up i know it and it's like super shallow but for me i had to sit down and be like what's my time like worth like monetarily yeah and then like how much am i giving to this person that i don't even get the fuck out of people there are people who want my

time like i'm not you you gotta you gotta take care of that yeah it truly is the most limited commodity there is you know like i mean do time with friends time on your own time to work on other shit like they somebody yeah they have to be safe like take you seriously man i used to hate uh because i you know because we travel so much for work that i just had so many hookups in other estates that like that was when it really got on my fucking nerves I'll be like these are the four days I'm in town and I'm telling you a two months in advance or whatever to be like or whatever it is and they still give you the run around that shit was oof miss Miss your gas. Valuing your own time. That's just a fucking key to like, not just dating, but like man,

life, friendship. Yeah. You just, yeah. Everything, everything. You just can't like,

yeah, you got, you just got to manage that. You have to manage that. It's so frustrating when people don't respect your time. It's so disrespectful. And it's like, you always like,

for me, I would always do these things where I would be like, Oh, she's not being disrespectful. She's just not. And it's like you always like for me i would always do these things where i would be like oh she's not being disrespectful she's just not and it's like no she's being careless with your time yeah i get out of here yeah and your feelings i mean it's it's it's just it's bad it's not a good thing it's also like with the uh i mean we we were we were young when texting wasn't important a thing didn't exist so like we know how easy it is to just text somebody just say i can't i can't come this weekend or i'm not free or like it's texting has made it so easy that you really like it really shows who's really fucking with your time yeah really disrespecting you you don't even have to have that uncomfortable phone conversation

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like and it's text you know you'll take it regardless of what it is just say it and yeah it's just yeah you got to be mindful of that though and somebody else not being mindful that that it's just never turned out to be a situation i wanted to be in if you're and if you're listening to this and you're not and you're like this some of this is like ringing true to you don't be hard on like this takes a while you can hear this and then it takes a while to put it into practice you know i mean it really it's like it's like learning a language i've fucked off people's time for sure i'm not trying to be like that it goes both ways for sure absolutely i have been a nightmare to date up until

dana and even then sometimes with dana yeah know what I mean? Laura still has nightmares every now and again. I mean, it happens. But also, I mean, a lot of this like... Park nightmares. Laura, we need to talk at this bench. I'll meet you at the bench. Learning some of these skills is like learning a language. Like you can hear someone speaking fluent Italian

and just because they can and you heard it doesn't mean you're going to be able to do it. So like actually I can do it right away. Well, of course you can. You took a limitless bill. You're out here banging twice a day. And your second pick, David? Not knowing.

I don't know how to say this correctly. Not knowing when you need to sit a couple plays out. Like with dating for me, it's like if I am going through, I went through some bad shit, some real heavy shit, and then I was just being crazy, reckless with my dick, and it's like, what am I? And because we travel so much, it's true though. No, I know what you mean.

Because we travel so much and shit, you can just time this shit out where you're just doing enough of these things within a month or something that you're like bro this isn't even dating this is me like doing this drugs it's not and it's like you know what i mean it was me not realizing that like yo so and so just died you're not coping you're just like throwing in anything you can and that's like and it's nothing positive you never none of those people that you meet when you're at that space are gonna like come you know what i mean that's a real one right there that's like it's just like like that's like i get there's songs about it and shit but it's like if i met you when i was

going nuts that's me that you know you don't know me so it's like that's not a sustainable version of me either no i can't yeah no no no no no and it's like whatever you're attracted to the chaos or whatever is probably your fucking problem you know what i mean like that was the thing i know when i'm not at my best yeah yeah you were on your own yeah absolutely i was so chaotic for such a long period of time that i think that was my where i'm like oh they like that and they're not so chaotic for such a long period of time that I think that was my, where I'm like, oh, they like that and they're not going to like that for a long time. That's like a month. If that, it's going to be a month.

This isn't something I can hold on to. Because it's like, what do you like? You like just like me coming into town, hitting you up after the show, showing up, you know what I mean? It's like, that's not, I don't want you to want that of me either. When you're the red flag.

You are the red flag. You're a walking red flag. I came in hot. I know what time it is. So, like, yeah, just not knowing when you need to, like, retract and not. It's weird because then you twist. You're like, why are you letting me do this? And that's another weird thing to think about.

You like the other person less. It's terrible. And that's why they're never going to come out of that with you because it's like you already I made a decision about you and now it's like it becomes less of like we're doing something together as I feel like I'm doing something to

you low key but it's just like not I mean it's tough though because you know you're attracting people and you don't realize they're attracted to you because you're a red flag and that's like your own thing that you have to work through but you can't work through their shit because you're working through your own shit it's just so frustrating yeah that that's and it's all people so it's so messy it's all people like you're not like right as much as you try to think about it maybe not in that way especially when you're like manically going

after and it's like it's all people who needed to be treated with respect or whatever. But yeah. Anyways, the point is just not knowing when you need to be like, oh, I don't need to be out here like this. Sex is a, is a fight or flight response too.

That's something I learned in therapy is that like drugs, drinking sex, like all those things can be like, let me do this instead of deal with my shit. Like it's not, it's not, it's not just, it's just the validation. just it's just the validation.

Yeah, it's the validation. It's filling the time with whatever this is, with the flirting and whatever, even though, you know, it's not going somewhere. It's really easy to be a terror, man. So it's like, yeah, but you're not going to get nothing out of it, which is like. Well, somebody come and told me that at 22, like, oh, I wouldn't have been trying to hear it. I mean, that's the other side of it which is like which somebody come and told me that at 22 like oh i wouldn't have been i would have been trying to hear it i'd have poured a beer on it i mean that's the other side of it too if you're not ready to hear it then you're not gonna hear it yeah i wasn't ready to hear this i had to learn that through therapy i had like a bunch of shit go left and went to therapy and was like oh okay okay so it was like yeah it's not intuitive or it wasn't for me. Yeah, I was very thankful because my boy, Greg Edwards, man, he pulled me to the side at a festival with all the, he was like, he had said like, he arranged it where he was like, oh, let's take Marcella for a brown people meeting.

That's what we'll call it. Brown people meeting because they knew I would react to that. Brown people meeting. They knew how to get into me. I was like, yeah, brown people meeting. That's what I think about. It was like intervention. they quartered me and greg was like you act you're acting too crazy like you need to like you are doing too much just fucking whoever doing whatever like you can't like we know you're going through it because of your dad like you but you gotta get it and it was like

i look back and i'm like man if i didn't didn't have him, I don't, cause I listened that, that got me, you know, to have all your homies, like, like be like, Hey, chill. You need to chill. Like we know we feel for you, but we, you are also like, this is not who you are. And we know it's not because you've never been like this. So it was like, it was also one of the things where I was like, damn, these people love me. And that is enough for me to, to care. You know? Like, damn, these people love me and that is enough for me to care. You know? Yeah. I don't care about myself. That is what it is. But if I have enough people that care about me, then I should care about myself because they care about me this much. I have goosebumps.

It was a trip. I still think about it. I think about it all the time. Like, if I don't have friends. If you don't have friends that will. I mean, you know, and I will say that they let me be crazy for a little while. All my friends are just like, she's going through it. Her dad just died. She's going through it.

But at a certain point, it was like, yo, like, you need to get help. Yeah. It's because it's like, I don't know, not with me personally, with people I've seen, there are people who like, they go into that mode and then they make a decision they can't come back from. Yeah, exactly. That's the crazy thing about when you're living crazy. You know what I mean? It's like, especially just for like dudes I grew up around and shit like that. When you're young and you don't know how to do anything.

I had so many guys where one thing happened and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, now he's in prison. Yeah. Forever. You know what I mean? Because you just didn't. Yeah. Yeah.

Because you didn't know how to when you needed to like back up, take your foot off the gas. Yeah. That shit's crazy. Yeah, yeah, because you didn't know when you needed to back up, take your foot off the gas. Yeah, that shit's crazy. So, yeah, you just got to be, yeah, got to know when to sit out a couple plates. For everything, but dating specifically. Because you could just really cause a lot of harm to a lot of other people. And then you become this person where you're like. That's what it is. You hurt a lot of people who shouldn't have been.

You know what I mean? I would say the worst version of it is when there's a child involved you are so reckless you bring a baby into this world with somebody you don't care about you just don't care that shit happens every day

and it's like now you're not giving that kid a fighting chance you can turn it around but it's just like you just gotta watch because there's consequences to what you're doing in that you you know you can turn it around but it's just like sure you just gotta watch because there's consequences oh man yeah in that in that space you know sean join uh so i don't quite know how to say it but i'm just gonna say being being too needy i've always been extremely needy i was i had it written down as something else but i think this is a better way to say it just being too needy i always just needed uh like immediate responses i always

needed validation i was one of those are you mad guys you know oh yeah you're still one of those are you mad guys i know i am it's never which is everybody knows it's so sexy it's how it's just it's wired into my brain and i don't know how i don't know what to do about it but it's how it's just it's wired into my brain and i don't know i don't know what to do about it but it's fine with you you guys it's i can handle it different if i'm asking one of you if you're mad or something it's i mean you sometimes when you say it i'm like i'm not mad but we're not gonna fuck tonight yeah yeah we are i was you know it's just so it you just look so weak and i've like i was in especially in relationships so weak most of my life and so that was just something i look back like jesus i can pinpoint where i ruined most of them just by

not being confident you have to be you have to be like a viable partner as well like i can't i can't just be needing all these things for me that i can't give to myself that's like not that's not like fair to the like you know what i mean like so many times are you looking for a girlfriend are you looking for a fucking mom bro yeah yeah yeah yeah it is it is it really is so it's like you gotta figure that out yeah and i mean it's pretty it's pretty straight down main street but i just just being needy and weak and like, not like you have to be. I mean, I cry all the time. You don't have to be a certain kind of man. I'm just saying you have to have confidence in yourself.

Anybody. It's like, it's key. I mean, I do the same. I do. I did it much stronger. And I still do. I still have that. Are you mad at me?

Kind of shit. Being needy kind of thing. It's not that it's not that it makes you less of a man it's putting it's putting your own validation and self-acceptance it's an a in the hands of another person which is not good for you but also putting that pressure on another person which is not fair to them it's not good for them either you know well i will also argue that um if your partner is incapable of like soothing like your insecurities and to a certain point like if you're like are you mad at me and they're like dude i'm not mad at you and it's like oh she's not mad at me and then you can move on there's a you know it it it

and i think what you're saying is when you say are you mad at me i'm not mad at you but it seems like you're mad at me but i'm not mad but you, but it seems like you're mad at me, but I'm not mad. But it seems like, you know, that's when it becomes a problem because I do think that, you know, needing your partner or needing affirmations from your partner is one thing. And I think that those are fine, but it's when you go,

like when the affirmations are not enough. Yeah. You're like, I don't believe it. Just prove it. Yeah. Something's going on. I don't want to fucking prove it. I just said it.

Because I've also learned that I was like, because for a long time, I thought I was needy and I realized it was because I was dating people who didn't give a shit about me. And it was like, oh, when you date people that give a shit about you, you're not needy. Like that, it just dissipates because they do affirm you. They do make you feel like, oh no, what I'm doing is fine.

They aren't whatever mad at me or whatever. And you move on. Right. And you feel good until the next cycle of that bullshit yeah but it shouldn't be every day so yeah yeah and it should be a great podcast guys this is great i'm like talking about it also after the first or the first or second date is also not a good time for that where it's like okay you've been on a couple dates and then you're like she doesn't text back right away and then then you send a bunch more texts. Like, what's up? Are you mad at me?

What's going on? That's the stuff I would do. And then her like grandpa died. And that's why her phone wasn't on her. She didn't feel. And then all of a sudden you're this dude who sent like 15 text messages or whatever the fuck. And you spiral out of control.

Like you don't know her well enough to assume anything. And then if like, yeah, her grandpa dies or something, then she's like really hates you because you're like, she's like, I haven't even, you haven't even asked me how are you. Yeah. You know, to even know what's going on with me. You're just like, are you mad at me? Yeah. What's going on?

Did I do something? Yeah, exactly. Instead of me half an hour later. You internalize it and that's where it gets dangerous and hard for the other person. So did he make you mad at me or did something else make you mad at me? Yeah. Did he say something about me right before he died? Like, what's going on?

What did he tell you? It probably wasn't true. Oh my God, he fucking hates you. Being too needy. Excellent pick. That's a good one. That's a good one and it's a tricky one fucking suck because i think as humans we do need validation sure yeah yeah yeah yeah it's that's

the hard part and uh speaking of validation that goes right into my next pick which is dating so i'm gonna this is gonna be parking huh coming No, I'm not. I'm not really. Dating. Coming too slow. Coming too slow. Dating someone just because they're hot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's a fat guy thing. That's a guy thing. Well, it's a guy thing, but it's... I know what you're saying. It's like a very specific... Not specific. I guess a lot of guys do it. But as a fat guy saying it's like a very specific like not specific i guess a lot of guys do it but as a fat guy it's like why isn't this working i won the lottery yeah completely you're like the odds on this the odds on this happening in my head because i my self-esteem is so low the odds on this

are happening are so crazy that hey i have to do anything to keep this relationship going yeah because this is a once in a million thing that happened yeah including putting up with someone else's like someone treating you poorly or you know and also and then the flip side of that is you're like you know who's like smart is like most people at least like emotionally or intuitively you know what i mean like i've had people sort of figure out that i'm just dating them because they were attractive and it was completely a it was born of like naked and and shivering insecurity from deep inside me where i'm like i must be okay because this this person whose society says that like okay people are supposed to date is dating me so whatever problems that i have

within me that i haven't addressed or that like i suspect like you know all this shit that like all of my deep insecurities i'm a normal guy i'm a normal person i can throw this body on like on top of this fucking garbage fire in my heart you know what i mean and like hopefully they'll put it out at least for a while and then i can think that like I'm normal and I can say to the people whispering about me behind my back oh you think I'm fucking fat and disgusting well fucking look at this what now like what the fuck now they're not whispering about you behind your back

they're not at all that's what they always say that's you yeah and it's just this fucking it's just so fucking gross you're like commodifying this other person and i know that probably happens to like attractive people like a lot but like it's just like a gross thing it's just gross it's a gross thing to do to someone well then you like your friends validation

too because it would like if you're dating somebody who's super attractive and your friends are like oh great good you know good job or whatever and then you're like tight okay yeah just but also i know a lot of guys who never grew out of whatever and then you're like tight okay yeah but also i know a lot of guys who never grew out of that and then as you get old it becomes like this thing where you're like oh i'm sad for you dog like kanye yeah yeah oh great example i mean we've talked about it but he never had it he he always thought that that way it's the same way he believes in celebrity is like the most important thing yeah wait can i ask you a question yeah when you when the person how quick do you like to be fat oh my god i cannot imagine it no um when you said that the person the woman would like figure out that that's why they like

how do they get to that because you're so smart i don't know i don't know how they i would imagine it's because you're so smart and they were just like i'm dumb i think but like the pearl i mean that's very nice of you i never thought about it that way that's crazy yeah that could be that for sure could be it i think the one the person who figured it out like the most like kind of like kind of like she treated me like shit a little bit oh it just was very reckless she was doing things where if i the version of myself i am now or even just the version of myself who came out of that relationship who had this awakening at the end of it like i would have broken up with her or i would have said like hey i think you clearly don't like me. And like I held on and like tried to keep it going. And like the only thing we really like meshed on was that she was attractive and I liked that.

And then I tried everything I could do. She had a ton of quality. She's like she was and is like an amazing like a great like I don't know if a great person but like who is it? You don't have to defend this red flag of a bitch. I know. Well she was I think she was in her own red flag ass bitch.

She was in a weird place like she was just whatever I'm not gonna I'm not throwing you know what I mean because I was not in the proper place myself but like I think she was like why is this dude still here what the fuck like he must be very excited it's not like i would post pictures of her a ton on like my instagram you know what i mean or anything like that i don't i don't know i think she just like there must have been something where she just sessed it out

and i think part of that was definitely her not treating me very well and me still being like okay great so when are you gonna move in like like that yeah so she just didn't respect you probably yeah and like i i yeah we can't beat that i deserve respect on a human level yeah no you don't thank you yeah yeah well not from you guys but like you know from strangers uh but like anyway yeah but i was i stayed just because she was hot and like i've also so that was harmful to me and i've also like been harmful to other people where i'm like i like i don't like you as much as i should but i do like what you make people think about me or what, what, like, I think you make people think about me, you know,

like that kind of thing. I understand. Yeah. Anyway, that's not a good thing to do. Like you gotta like, you know, you have to be attracted to someone.

Yeah. It was just funny the way you said it, but that shouldn't be the only thing. Sure. Uh, if you want to be in a relationship, you know what I mean? If you guys are just stopping and that's clear, go uh marcella which brings me to this one that's actually

perfect transition because i and i i'm i'm bringing it up because it's it kind of touches on that but it's specific to women is uh you know when women when we approach men you know guys are always like yeah i want a woman to hit on me. But I have, through my own research, learned that you can't go after a guy if you don't know that he's very into you or super attracted to you, physically attracted, because it doesn't work. I have learned that I could go after a guy and if he is super not into me, it will in the long term not work. The guys, unfortunately, have to, for the most part, be the one to kind of initiate is what I have learned. Because it's like guys are such visual creatures. They really do. Like the guy, like Kanye, great example. He obviously likes a girl like Kim.

That's why he dates women who kind of look like, not Julia Fox, but like he has dated. He's just married a woman who looks exactly like Kim Kardashian. That blew my fucking mind. Because that's what what he wants reggie bush did the same thing after he dated kim kardashian he dated a girl who looked exactly like kim kardashian because that's what they want they physically want this thing and whatever version of it for every guy has his own thing of how you know the blonde hair blue eyes whatever translucent redheads and i've learned that like when i approach guys because i'll approach anybody i i don't have a physical type and so i'll approach any dude and but if they're

not into me it is not it will not end well like even if it even if it goes a little bit yeah even if it goes a little bit it will ultimately not work he has to be the one that's like oh i like what you're working with yeah a lot of dudes have to have this like sense of having like, any way you want to frame it, accomplish something. Yeah. Or like the hunt,

you know what I mean? Yeah. Whatever you want to like, where it's like, I got this, you know what I mean? All you other dudes wanted it, but I got it,

I pursued it. Like there is some sort of like animal, lizard brain fucking thing in dudes. Like lots of dudes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

I've done the research and I feel like whenever I talk to dudes, it's like, or when I'm hanging out with dudes, you know, I've noticed it's like, look at her. But then some girl will be hitting on them and it doesn't even register that this chick is hitting on them because she doesn't look the way that he wants her to look, which is also why guys have trouble dating, right? Because they're going for women out of their league yep oh i mean i think absolutely yeah we just discussed that and the only appealing thing is that they're out of their league that's the only you know what i mean it's not even that it's not even that like listen i know she's like

god she's so much more she's so much better looking than me but we just both love model trains so much and going on hikes and all this you know what i mean it's not that it's like trains and going on hikes yeah dude do girls like model train man if you find one but that's the thing though you you have to find the person that you have the same interest you know and but guys when especially when they're younger and some of them never grow out of it they like what you that's why i brought i was like oh this is perfect because yeah it's literally the inverse but it's the exact same issue totally it's very frustrating as a woman because i don't have a problem hitting on a dude but they do have a problem with me hitting on them right yeah it's fucked up it's weird i mean i have hit on some of the ugliest motherfuckers

you've ever seen and they are just like, oh, not you though. I'm like, excuse me? It's wild. It's wild. It's fucking wild. You guys are all processing it. Yeah, no, it's just I got it taken early. I was even thinking about this after this was over. You're going to see it more when you guys are out processing it yeah no it's just i got it really i was thinking about this after

this you're gonna see it you're gonna see it more when you guys are out with your homeboys you're gonna see it it's wild that girl's laying i lived with a girl for a while and there's there were times where she'd come up to me and she would say uh like hey you know that girl was just was just like throwing it at you and i'm like no absolutely not and she goes i'm a girl i'm telling you i'm telling you that's what was happening yeah it happened because i don't know not enough sometimes i just i just i was like there's no possible way that would be happening why i agree that you could be a that does that does happen that that does happen too though regardless of what she looks like where somebody tells you and you're like i don't think think that I think you're nuts. Yeah. And that probably

goes back to all kinds of self issues. What should happen with Zach a lot? You know what I mean? Like our conventionally attractive friends. That is kind of the best example is him where, cause yeah, I've been out with him too where I'm like, you know, it's going, this kid,

she's like, cause you know, Zach's so hot that he's these girls are like wolf whistling. You know what I mean? Like this girl's like, I will die! kid she's like because you know that's so hot that he's these girls are like wolf westland yeah you know what i mean like this girl's like i will yeah and zach's like i think i'm gonna go outside and smoke a joint he's just like oh thank you i'll see you yeah that's so funny i don't want to speak for him but he seems like he i mean he doesn't like being objectified but also like yeah it's just like it's not, there's some part of it that it doesn't satisfy a, this basic human need, male need, it seems like to like pursue. Well, cause you want to think you're a better person than that. You want to think you just want to be, want to be wanted.

Yeah. Yeah. And then when parameters get put on it. I was about to make a point, but I don't want to shit on his dating history. He's not here. So let me let that go. To defend. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not fair. He's not here to defend his dating history um but it is time for you to make your third pick oh shit um i'm gonna i don't know if this is a dating mistake but it's almost the opposite of sean where i was a late bloomer and i'm still i don't know if that has been good or bad. That's why I'm like, I don't know if it is a dating mistake, but it certainly hasn't felt great in the sense of like, yeah, I'm a pretty smart person. I've like, every time I date somebody, I just kind of learned from my mistakes that I move

on and I apply that. And then I learned some new shit and then there's new mistakes and whatever, whatever. But having that, like not starting until I was like mid-20s. Yeah. It's not, I do not recommend it. I do not recommend it. Do not recommend it. I wish I would have at least just,

and not, you know, not even on the casual sex front, but like on the like, just go out and, you know, hang out with somebody in a different, or like, you know, it was just, I just didn't do it. I was so like virginal and religious that I just didn't.

I was like, nope, that's not who I am. I will never be that person. Now I'm a fucking absolute slut. But you know what I mean? Do you feel like you built it up too much in your head? Like it made it too much of this? I think religion builds it up in your head. You know, like you're supposed to be.

Do you think you put the pussy on a pedestal is what I'm asking? I mean, it is because it's so high up there. It's naturally on a pedestal. Where the birds are. You know, it is because it's so high up there. It's naturally on a pedestal. Where the birds are. You know, where the birds can live. You got a tall-ass coochie. Yeah. I lost my virginity to an eagle, actually.

It just flew in there. Oh, yeah. Ian saw him in the park. Yeah. A Philadelphia eagle, right? It was flying docks. Yeah. So I think that is a dating mistake, but I will also say i might be wrong you know what i mean

right because your story is still being written right so it's tough to like well that's like to the individual weird experience where i like so i like when i was seven i lost my virginity when i was 17 and then didn't have sex again i had the same thing didn't for a long to like two three years like it was like nothing happened yeah and then like mid like kind of mid-20s like it was just like i just it just i i was so scared like i made so many of these mistakes and was so like didn't value myself yeah yeah that's just a quick way to say i was kind of also a late bloomer even though i technically lost my virginity younger uh twice a day since i'm 13 twice a day i think there are

certain things you that are better to experience when you're like both like 19 and like there's less pressure on it and you're like fucking you know what i mean you're like and maybe that's it is that you know when by the time i'm 25 i am now in the dating pool of 40 year old men too right and that is not good yeah oh that's interesting like it never got to be that low stakes we're just exactly we both we both work at best buy this is gonna be in high school like i never i didn't have any of that none of that and i it's almost like i if anybody's listening like and if you're a teen like just don't not not for even for sex but just like hang out with the opposite sex or the sex that you're attracted to and have it be casual and so you get those rhythms in yes because it was like

everybody was my friend every every guy was my friend so i didn't even know how to approach anything after that i first i did the friends on thing so fucking hard where I was like, I had like deep, meaningful, emotionally romantic relationships with women who were like dating other dudes and who might have been into dating me. Had I just been like better at that? You know what I mean? Like recognizing it and like and moving on it and everything? Yeah. It's also weird to do that with someone who's dating someone. Oh, yeah.

Well, I was there first. Like, when you do these emotionally. Yeah. But when you do that, it's like, well, you're not giving them a chance with the, you know what I mean? For sure. When you're having them come to you to be this person, but you have ulterior motives, maybe it's like not. It's like not. That's not very. Like, that's like not it's like not that's not very like that's like it's one of those it's one of those are you a good guy or are you kind of being a bad

guy masquerade i would make myself think that i was being okay yeah because i'd be like fuck yeah who's he why does he deserve something that i don't you know earn it or whatever i would make myself think that's like yeah no no you shouldn't have to like earn you know you should be in a relationship yeah that's not how that works it's insane you're being a bad guy but you're a bad guy clinging to a piece of like of like uh you know flotsam after your ship just sank and like in a torrential ocean you know what i mean that's the way it feels at the time where you're like this is not this is the only chance i have to survive and that's what happens when you're young as you think that and you know like and then as older you get and then

you know to to yeah because i lost my journey when i was 25 and it was like not a great experience and i i was like i should have just been doing this younger yeah wasn't any better at 13 i don't think but it's true 13 also not a good experience like right in the middle would have been nice you know oh for sure yeah yeah the middle would be nice yeah uh shout out jimmy world uh pretty much always yeah uh okay oh here we go so i get to complete the the two so coming on too weak. Oh, doc. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That too. I used to go up with my head down. Yeah, dude. Oh, I don't even mean that. Or even just being like, you know what it is and being like way too apathetic about it or whatever. Because I've had that. I've had that, bro, and got snatched. Like had that shit. And then somebody else was like all right he's not

gonna fucking drive for it yeah let me come in and then you're like and then you're like what happened but you really liked me but it was like yeah he took he talked to her trying to be yeah very seventh grade vibes yeah yeah yeah like you were in the corner being cool because you you know yeah like you take it yeah i know what you mean that's that's for sure yeah just being cool flippin being too casual about it you know what i mean this happens to me all the time yeah yeah not making anything any sort of like declaration of intent not not through like words like my lady i intend to date you but like just like not through your actions you know like yeah it's like just being too fucking flippin and cool about it too cool for school you will get scooped I don't think I've ever knowingly done that

as you should you said you were too needy so you're physically unable to be too chill I never was like oh shit they'll come to me you never over corrected never we're sitting out

we're sitting out in Just said the nose. We're sitting out of the living room today and Laura's telling me that Maxine has my head and I go, what do you mean? She's like, you know, like big and like kind of long. And I go, what? I have a big, long. I never, never in my whole life, 41 years have I been like, I got a big, long head. You do have a big, long head.

Can I say though, that's kind of the nicest thing about seeing people with families. Like I was at the barbershop the other day, and this dude's like a blockhead. He's just got a blockass head, and he brought in his three little blockheaded-ass kids. I was like, that's beautiful. Does that make sense? You're like, that's cool. It's cool. It's cool.

He's like, I got a blockhead. These are my little blockheaded-ass kids, and that's how we move through this world. We're a blockhead-ass family. It was really beautiful. i thought it was sweet at my friend uh one of my friends i've known since i was 10 like now her daughter is what four about to be five and i was like oh my god i feel like i'm hanging out with you if you didn't grow up in like an abusive household such a trip when you realize that you're like you're so crazy she's such a trip when you realize that wow you're like you're so that's crazy

because she's such a lovely person but she's a little broken you know and now I'm reading I'm meeting the version of her that's not broken wow

that's beautiful that's so nice that's what I'm saying that's like the extension of a long big head yeah yeah it's the same

yeah it's the same and she like did the work to make it so that wouldn't be like yeah I mean long big heart I will I will say that when we had maxine i remember thinking like i'm gonna do everything that my dad should have done and that's exactly the whole thing where it's i should just have that motivation anyways even if my dad would have been dope but well you know the difference is a lot of parents approach it as i'm not gonna do what my parents did without

emphasis of what you should be doing that's different from what your parents did wrong. Yeah. It's tough, man. And I talk about this, but if you're being honest, I'm like, I get it. It sucks sometimes. And so I understand how he just dipped out, but then that thought kicks itself out of your brain immediately. And you're like, all right, I'm going to deal with this or whatever. I don't even know if that's what we were talking about. Sorry. But yes. Let me just throw in, by the way, that you have a long, big, very handsome face. Great looking guy. It's not a weird thing to be.

Thank you. Vinny Chase, big ass head, dude. Don't worry about it. You know I was watching a little bit of the Entourage movie last night. I can't lie to you guys.

It was just on HBO. A little bit. You just watched like your favorite 20 minutes of the movie. I put on like five minutes and went to bed. He puts his baby

and says, that's a lullaby. This is how Russell Westbrook, or not Russell Westbrook, Russell Wilson acts. And then I just went to sleep. Not well. About as good as he plays quarterback for the Broncos.

There he goes. God, dude. Is it me? I understand that. I didn't say a lie. You don't. It sucks. Well, it is on you,

but first we're going to take another, gosh darn it, short little break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right?

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It's spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash all fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. Hey, and we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. Already in progress, Sean Jordan is about to make his third pick. Wow.

Swearing too much. I always swear too much. Wow. That's interesting. Like on a date? On a date. And then when it moved into, you know, DMs and texting and stuff, when it's new, I would, I would, and I, I have all the messages from Laura and I from, from Jump.

We started talking on Facebook and, you know, she'd be like, yeah, what are you up to? I was like, fucking just going to do some fucking laundry or something. You typed that out? And I read it. I'm like, you asshole. You know what? You're right. That is, as someone who does love to cuss, I am hyper aware of myself.

Yeah. Like how often I use it and how often someone else is using it. You're right. That is a good one. Well, and it's not. Thank you. But it's not something that I'm never opposed to if somebody wants to swear. I agree.

It's gratuitous. I got a buddy who, when he's ordering food, he'll swear. I'll fucking take a fucking. I'll fucking. Fucking fucking take a fucking what's good let me get the fucking oh shit well the fucking this shit he knows who i'm he knows i'm talking about him too but it's it is that thing where i read these messages and i'm like you sound like an absolute moron and i don't know so it's just trying to curb it it's like other people's relationship with it is different than yours. Yeah. Just because you cuss a lot doesn't mean other people don't kind of think it's vulgar or whatever.

Sure. I mean, it is. I used to get that watching my stand-up when I was younger. When I'd watch my stand-up, I'd be like, what is it? It makes you sound like you don't have a lot of words if you're just cursing all the time. Sure. And it's, yeah. And I've never, really, maybe but i i don't know i don't remember times when i was a vulgar when i swore vulgarly like

if i was like i'm gonna fuck her i don't i don't really ever have the confidence to talk like that but i always be like man so fucking shitty out you know like the weather or something just unnecessarily so absolutely and so it was just uh something i noticed that i now i really try to do it as little as possible in a in you know dinner or whatever or just oh yeah it's so funny being older now like i see teenagers curse it's so funny you get on the bus or something you're just like you guys stop there are like there's kids on there and i know like i know these kids don't understand words yet but you don't understand that you are in the bus talking about these these kids talk i mean you you know what i'm saying but like you're on the

max or the bart or whatever and you're just like i know because i was like that on the bus when like some 15 year old kid like i gotta get some fucking pussy you're like that's gross that's nasty i definitely have been in situations as an adult where i'm like i gotta get some fucking pussy you're like that's gross that's nasty i definitely have been in situations as an adult where i'm like i'm i'm not realizing how much i'm cussing and then i'll see a child and be like oh yeah i need to stop this needs to stop now right because they are looking like the parent is looking and i'm like oh yeah you're right i am being like very flagrant with these yeah and you're the one who's in the wrong in that there's no and there's no arguing or defending it yeah yeah it's just like oh it's being gross sorry those friends back home where

it'll still happen and they're like oh it's cool they don't you know they're not picking up and i'm like kids pick up every single thing you do of course i don't like saying bad shit around kids oh i will say it is funny when you can get a hell or a damn in there out of nowhere. And then it surprises them. Dude, my nephew was like, I said, oh man, that's stupid. He goes, you can't use that word. I was like, what word? The stupid fucking stupid word.

And he was like what word the stupid fucking stupid word and he was like his shit explodes and i've never done that in front of him i'll probably never do it again but it was just like just that quick little you don't get to tell me how to talk you're i think i said like you can't use that word. There is something about kids where they lights up a cigarette. I swear they honestly don't think it's physically possible for someone to swear. Sometimes you're like,

I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm 41. Yeah. I'm 41. Swearing too much. That's a good one. I respect it. As someone who loves to swear,

I respect that choice. I do too. And yes, I feel you. They're going to get sillier for one. I respect it. As someone who loves to swear, I respect that choice. I do too. And yes, I feel you. They're going to get sillier for me. I got... Well, they fucking should. I'm feeling too heavy. Everybody had a little therapy session.

Every listener was like, all the dudes are crying right now thinking about their abusive fathers. We got some crying ass dudes that listen to this show and I love it. It's fun. I decided to mix it up.

I usually pick something spicy, but I decided to get something spicy in a different way. Yeah, this is a different kind of spicy. David, it's time for you to get spicy on your third and fourth pick. Get spicy. Oh, this is specifically doing on a date,

for one, is trauma dumping. Oh, good one. Like, it one. Like, it's just so, it's so easy to do. Sometimes for me, it's like, uh,

it's like a shield to keep from my true stuff self. You know what I mean? Where you're just like, when I was a kid, we used to be like this and do all this and crazy shit. And you're like, this is like the least attractive part of yourself. It's not,

it's just weird. and then it's like i've been in a situation where it's like we we bonded on trauma dumping with each other and it becomes this like where you're like oh this must be a really this must be a really open, real relationship. And it's like, no, we're both just saying stuff we need to say. It's not, it's just not, it's not that healthy as it can seem. It's not sustainable. It's not sustainable. It's not sustainable because you liking each other isn't the basis of it.

You know what I mean? Right. It's just start to feel like maybe you're a person that this person needs and vice versa. But it's not. It's not. It's like a shortcut to intimacy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that happens a lot via the Internet. Right. Yeah. Pseudo intimacy.

Yeah. Pseudo intimacy. Via the Internet is so easy to get caught up in where it's like, we've been talking for two weeks or whatever. You know what I mean? And you know what's funny is that some dudes use trauma dumping or elements of trauma dumping to try to entice you into thinking they're sensitive. That's a nice little fun trick that men do to women. Oh, yeah.

That's a thing I've learned recently, too, which made me really try to be wary of it. Because, like, you know, I mean, you guys know dudes, a lot of dudes are fucking predators out here where you're like, Oh, that's what your mood, because you don't want to be conflated with that guy either. You know what I mean? Like, but yeah,

that shit's like, you just can't, just can't be doing that, man. Right. Cause that's sure. Yeah. That is some dude's moves.

That's so fucked up. It's like, when you find out, when you find out about some dude's moves, man, you're like, Oh, when can I try to like play like this song he was like yeah this song really reminds me of my mom and he like went in about his mom and i thought all i thought was like bro we can just fuck we

don't need to do all this extra shit i'm like i already know in my head it's going down i don't know why you think you need to do all this extra shit. That's all I was thinking in my head. I was like trying to fake care. I was like, oh, interesting. That's also a crazy thing to be doing all the time, bro. You're just out here all the time just bringing up your mom. That's fucking foul. It's crazy.

It's crazy. That's fucking foul. That's foul. It's so foul. You've rehearsed. You've rehearsed. Yeah, you've rehearsed it. That's trying different songs You've rehearsed. You've rehearsed. Yeah, you've rehearsed it. That's also nasty.

That's tried different songs in place of it. I think that's what's funny, too, as a comedian. I'm so used to repeating the same jokes. I'm like, I don't know how many times you've used this, but it's obviously worked. But I don't care. Like, you're still going to get some. We don't have to do this part. But it's not because of this.

And I wish. It's not because of this. Yeah, you're like, I almost want to tell you. That's why. to do this part. But it's not because of this. It's not because of this. I almost want to tell you. That's the part that's fucked up. You want to be like, you don't have to. How do you say that without coming off as a trampoline? Yeah.

You want to throw on Netflix? No. We can just kind of do it. We don't need the... I think at one point I even said something like, oh, are we still listening to this? He's on. He's on his third paragraph about his mom. And you're like, I was like, I got a Beyonce playlist.

We could really get things moving in here. Yeah, I got I got penny dropper songs. I also it'sy Dropper songs. I also, it's funny, as a comic, I just think about that guy where it's like, yeah, the idea that it was five different songs means it was probably five different genres. So at one point, you know what I mean? He's like, do you listen to hip hop? And you're like, yes. He's like, all right, you're all I need to get by. But if you would have been like punk rock, he'd have had a whole nother like song.

Or the country girl. Yeah. You got this like Markita McBride song that you fucking went on a Spotify beat to have to find. Yo. Damn. Guys, we really. I want to write this bit.

This is really funny. We really ain't shit. Oh, God. It's brutal. It's really ain't shit. It is true. Yeah, trauma dump. You know, and I will also say,

if you're healthy, you also like, you're healthy you also like you see someone doing it such a turn off and then if but then it's like when here's another tricky thing when you're dating when trauma happens to the person in real time something happens you know something life-changing happens and and now you're like, oh, this could get tricky because if they are prone to, you know, using that to connect or, you know, leaning on you or, you know, then you become something else. And that gets very tricky. And you have to be hypervigilant to, like, not be the bad guy, you know, because you're taking advantage of a vulnerable situation. I've dealt, after my dad died, I had some guy friends I stopped being friends with because they absolutely

took advantage of me in a vulnerable situation. And I was like, damn, I've known this fool for whatever, 15 years. And this is the time. And that's, this is the time.

Like you waited for me to really be a wounded little eagle bird. And yeah, that shit was not, that shit's fucked up. That's fucked up. It fucked up it is fucked up and to like realize it in hindsight was like what made it worse because i was like oh that's not a big deal like we've known him for years it doesn't matter and it's like nah man that's the worst time to do it right he was like even if it was subconsciously they were like because it was

male friends these dudes dudes, I swear. Yeah, they suck. David, time for your fourth pick. Oh, okay. So my fourth pick is this one. It's kind of similar to the Flagstaff, but it's a little different. As far as just trust your instincts

about someone from Jump Street. Sure. Like, it's not even a race. It's just like sometimes so many times I've not trusted my instincts and then seen it through and been like, man, I knew that this was a blankety ass blank. Yeah. From the beginning. I can feel it. I can feel it coming off. And I just didn't listen to because whatever, because they were attractive because you're drunk because you're horny or whatever and then

and then it ends up being like you're like I should have just listened to my fucking self this whole time and I didn't for whatever reason or you hope that like you know you're right you don't want to be right yeah you're giving someone a chance or something like that like it's it's it's all kinds of

reasons that you don't do it but it's like you know you man trust trust that and the other and the flip side of it you know what i mean like some like if somebody's i don't know like with like with dana for example where like i was like boy this feels like it's moving like a little like a little like maybe a little fast but i was also like no this feel like this feels really like it actually feels like this is okay. This is good. This feels right. That's how it feels like with my boo. It feels like it's moving a little fast,

but it's also not because it also kind of feels fine. No one's engaging in unhealthy behavior. Right. And then that's your instincts too, being like, that's that feeling when everyone's like,

you felt right. It's when you have to tell yourself, when you know it doesn't feel right be like oh maybe it's just me be it jittery or whatever like this is right maybe i just have bubble guts yeah yeah yeah yeah maybe i just have diarrhea yeah yeah that's a good one it's a good one to end on yeah yeah it does ring true sean jordan your fourth pick it's extremely light-hearted doing uh there's like an actual date that is only what you want to do just straight up a date that does not involve what the other person wants oh yeah you took her to the skateboard i

wanted a first date to super bad and i asked so i remember this this woman maybe she likes i wanted it i wanted to let her i wanted to let her into the secret because she didn't it was like you heard a super bad this movie and she goes no and i was like we gotta go i'd seen it three times already this was a first date i was like this is the funniest movie you're ever gonna see and then i'm like for a guy now i look at him like for me but she probably hated it going on a first date we didn't talk we didn't go to dinner first

we went into super bad that's the problem with the movies too now I like it it's my favorite kind of date is dinner and a movie and now that I'm married with your wife it's a good teenager date because you have nothing to talk about you're not interesting but it's not a good adult first or second have nothing to talk about. You're not interesting. Right.

But it's not a good adult first or second date. No. And Superbad is not the movie. There were movies. Superbad's not the one. So I just remember getting into the movie a little bit. I was like, oh my God, they've said the F word a bunch. Both F words.

This is crazy. I'm on a first date. This is... I remember getting nervous. And you saw it with new eyes. She can't be feeling this. Yeah. It's like taking your mom It's like boogie nights or some shit

And you're like this is crazy Taking your mom to see Andrew Dice Clay Mom you don't understand I will say it was funny because I was opening for Joey Diaz once And my mom came with me And I was so nervous She loved him She loved him I was going to say I bet that's what and I was so nervous. She loved him. She loved him.

I was going to say, I bet that's what happened. I was shocked. Yeah. He's charming as fuck though. He's got good stories. He really is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It locks another layer of understanding your parents as humans. Oh, yeah. Totally. She hated Tom Segura, but she loves

Joey Diaz. It was hilarious. hilarious that's so funny it's weird when you realize that your parents just have completely different senses of humor yeah or at least that's how it is with my where it's like oh i didn't get any of this from you i got this all from being outside yeah we don't like the same shit yeah yeah for sure weird yeah yeah so sure that shit's so strange i got my parents downloaded right into my brain pretty dark yeah you absolutely do they're both like sets of humor really yeah yeah oh man that's crazy i mean all of you i'm saying like your your whole being i'm seeing both of them right down main street but anyway yeah make it a date to not not being cool about what you think

the other person wants to do i'm trying to think if i've ever been in that situation i'm pretty good at being like i'm not doing that i've brought a girl to an open mic before it feels so gross saying it like no i'll be up in like like like 10 more oh my god i went on a first date first date to an atmosphere concert that i got kicked out of because i was just so drunk and I was just like that what so many of those rules that you listed and now they're all here dude all of them just bang bang bang that's funny and I'm just like so yeah but then those some of those things that went on for a month or two and I'm like okay so that's back to going like you wanted this chaotic lunatic who's gonna

go to this show and just be so ruckus he gets booted and then you're like cool that's cool for a month or whatever maybe she just wanted free atmosphere tickets i don't even think i bought them for her i honestly think i don't even think i could have done that she could also want the you that she met or whatever and then was you know people give people a chance maybe he was that's what this episode is all about is those ignoring the red flag that is sean jordan yeah now look at him he's got a daughter and someone doing he's got a girl to do his yard work he's got a yard girl on a beanbag chair it's possible listeners that's what we're trying to tell you

it's possible once you self reflect it is possible you can polish a turd it works I like an up and down date I've always been like a dinner if you're just like a dinner

if dinner is too much of a commitment a drink anyway you can just go fucking talk and also Did you say sex? If dinner is too much of a commitment, a drink. Anywhere you can just go fucking talk. And also, pick a restaurant you like and then at least you had a nice meal. I like an activity though. Something like low stress like mini golf or something. It's just fun to do something.

Bowling's interesting. I've always had fun bowling on a date. Bowling always lasts too long with two people for me. Arcade can be fun Especially in Portland There's tons of those like A child can be here Or 15 adults at the same time

It's like just such a They have all these nickel arcades and shit So it is fun It just sounds like you like nachos I do All your dates are just nachos based Yeah they could be a good first date First of all you sound very judgmental.

You don't? Oh, I do. I just will say, I would rather just be like, hey, let's go get nachos. You know what I mean? Let's go to 7-Eleven and get nachos and eat them in my car. I'm easy, okay? Oh, I don't have a car.

I don't have a car for most of this. So, yeah. Yeah, same. You can eat nachos at the park. Eat them on the curb. Eat them at the bench. I got this picnic table at the park I like to go to when I tell gross stories. My fourth pick is bringing up your ex too fast.

Or any ex. Oh, yes. Great one. Oh, man. Well, I shouldn't talk about it. You know what I mean? You're just on the date. I can really go in on this.

I dated a piece of shit that always talked about all of his exes all the time. To the point where I finally said, hey, all you just talk about your exes. All it's confirming to me is that we're not going to last and I'm going to be an ex that you talk about. Yeah. That's it. It's hard not to think about that. To be like, I mean, listen mean listen like obviously people have bad relationships but then when you think about how they talk about their ex or how they interact with them or whatever that relationship with that person is you're like couldn't have been all their fault

right never 100 their fault so what the fuck is this fucked up situation yeah i just it's also like you're you're bad at relationships and and i don't think you think it's a good idea i think it's i think that they think being friends with their exes is something to be admired yeah do you know what i mean like they're like no i'm diplomatic i'm a i'm a good person i i look look how these good relationships i've maintained like i don't care yeah yeah going back to i don't care i don't want you talking about this because all it's telling me is that I will be your ex very, very soon. Right. Yeah.

It also becomes a weird like something they think makes them more attractive. You know what I mean? Like look at all these exes I have good relationships with. It's so weird. It's disgusting. It's good to have like cordial relationships with your ex, I guess. Like sometimes if you end up being cool with each other, whatever, it's fine. But to be like, I'm actively friends with all of my ex.

I'm like, there's a reason we broke up. That seems weird. He was actively. I was like, he goes, oh, look, I was just texting a friend earlier. This is what somebody is today. And I realized that the last time we were texting we were actually talking about how good of a comedian you are and i was like whoa that sounds like my personal hell everything about that sentence feels like i will never forget that feeling

i was like this is a nightmare nightmare i'm like am i in a thruffle now i'm in a thruffle now it was so weird i'm telling you and this guy was one of those like, no, I'm a good guy. Everybody was like, when I went and ended, I was like, he's such a good guy. I'm like, no,

he is a psychopath. That's weird. It's a thin line between good guy and psychopath. It is. It is. Yeah. It's bad in general in a relationship. You really just,

you really just took me. You, you teleported me somewhere i did not want to jerk the juice cleanse is over if we don't if we don't navigate this right oh my god i i like it was weird because it was only like a two-month thing but man that dude like so many he was he was just walking red flag in the guise of a good guy like that those situations are like you know how like you could like be hitting the gym regularly for a while and then your friends like hey come to this workout class with me and then you can barely walk out of that workout class even though you thought you were in good shape sometimes you run into relationships that are like the the like barre class of of fucking dating where you're like, what the fuck did that?

I wasn't prepared for any of that. Yeah, it was all bad. I've never used any of those muscles before. That was fucking bizarre. Oh my God, that dude gave me an infection and then I had to be on antibiotics that made me so debilitated

that when I went over to his house, he was like, hey, are we gonna fuck? And I was like, nah, I'm really debilitated from these antibiotics from the infection you gave me and he was like oh damn you should probably leave that is cold-blooded it was i was stunned i was stunned i was just man i was just talking to my buddy about that that's so funny we were just I was hanging out with my buddy last night and we were talking about that about like Cuz you just know dudes a lot of dudes were like, all right

Have you on kicking girls out and I've never been that and it's just slim like that shit's so harsh Like I've never I've never had that to be like, all right, so Not that long ago have standing outside like the fuck out of here like that shit's like you've already had that lyric not that long ago have standing outside like the statue of liberty remember that first time i heard that i was teleported again and went back to a guy who always kept me outside waiting and i was like really young outside of his house like yes out of his apartment out of his condo oh Oh, yo, that's brutal. You're just on the street?

I'll be out there in a second. I'll be out there in a minute. And I would keep, and I wouldn't leave because, of course, I'm a young idiot. And then I would, like, go, and he would just be kicking it with a homeboy the whole time. Oh, so he was just talking to that dude. Yeah. Oh, yo. I've had some moments, man.

Yo, that's so brutal. It was bad. I'll be out there in a minute. I got to quit. I got to finish this quarter of Madden. I remember when I heard that lyric for the first time, I was like, oh, my God, that was me. I was like, that lyric. Anytime I hear that song, I'm like, no, I hate this song for that one line.

Oof, that is some like. And he wasn't even E-40. Yes, it was, wasn't it? You know? It was E-40. No, the lyric was E-40, but your guy wasn't. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you're 100% right. Oh, no. Oh, the guy you were dating. It could have been a fat dude from Vallejo, though. Could have. No, it was a Caribbean in Reseda. Caribbean. Marcella, time for your fourth

pick and then the last round, fifth round, we'll do lightning round. We'll just say it. This is a good transition. Dating mistake. I keep saying red flag, but a dating mistake is going back to a piece of shit because I will admit that I did go back to that guy who made me stand outside, outside forever, like the Statue of Liberty. And then, but that was, I must have been, I don't know, 26, you know, like I was young and dating.

And I would say like that guy, what I was telling you, the two months who I was talking about his exes, I didn't go back to him, but I wanted to go back about his exes i didn't go back to him but i wanted to go back to him but i didn't go back to him and it was that thing of like i'm glad that there was some growth there but like that going back to somebody who treats you bad oh yeah that's like a that's some childhood trauma man yeah comfortability is a motherfucker too yeah you know what i mean just that i that's where you're like that you're willing to go for the comfort of knowing what this is over like anything i've been on both ends of that fuck you up yeah i've been treated terribly and i've been the person who was just a horrible boyfriend it's such a crazy thing to think about like being i remember just going skating so many i'd be like ah i'm actually not coming. I'm just going to go skate all day.

I did that to a girl for months. She just wouldn't break up with me. And then on the other end, there's girls that have cheated on me where I'm like, that's fine. I don't care. Just openly being like, I don't care. It's cool. It's like, oh my God, what are you doing? Yeah. That shit.

That'll fuck you up. You're just traumatizing yourself. That's the other thing. I don't fuck you up. Yeah. That'll trauma you. You're just traumatizing yourself. That's the other thing. I don't think people see it that way because I definitely didn't see it that way. But when I look back, I'm like, I was traumatizing myself. Oh yeah. It's that whole idea of like with your traumas where you like keep replaying them over and over again, trying to have a different outcome. So much of dating shit becomes that.

Right. I can't hear you. You're nowhere to be found can you hear me now yeah yeah yeah sorry sorry yeah i was like damn yeah yeah you can't find the words can't find the word also just like time sometimes you're like well they've grown i've grown you know what i mean it's like there were good times but see that that's the other thing sometimes there is no growth you just go back because you're just like you just tell yourself that has been but it's just time you can't mistake time and growth and also you got to make these mistakes these mistakes i feel like kind of have to have they don't have to maybe that's an unhealthy way to look at it but right

i'm not upset that a lot of this stuff happened now. It molded who I ended up being. I would cut these motherfuckers if I saw them. They all know to stay away from me. If I walk into your room, because here's the thing, Sean, you said you've been both. You've treated people bad and you've been treated bad. I never treated someone bad.

And I think that's what has always like hurt my feelings when I look back. I'm like, I had never did anything to you to make you treat me that way. And that is what is fucked up about it. And that's probably why it's like hard for me to like if i see them i fucking will lose it on them because i didn't lose it on them at that time that's why you got to get toxic you gotta you gotta start your demon arc you gotta start leaving these dudes out in the cold.

Just a minute. You're having them out standing outside like Christ the Redeemer. It sounds like a rapper, Christ the Redeemer. It really does. That's what Chance the Rapper's going by now. Oh, man. And then just a final quick one. Final quick one man there's a lot i have some good ones here um uh assuming here's something because i think at the beginning of dating i was like i want something serious and then as i got a little older i was like i just want to fuck around

the issue with just fucking around is assuming that men were going to be more chill. One of the most shocking things I learned as an adult woman, casual sex with men is actually not easy. It's not casual at all. They do not make it easy. No, no. And you would think that because of how they talk, I think I really believed, because of the propaganda in the media that that men were going to be held chill about you know when they stands being casual whatever and they are not no i like our feelings you can take bites feelings but also sometimes misrepresented feelings and stuff when it's misrepresented because if somebody's like oh

no let's i had a casual situation that he was like, yeah, let's turn this into more serious. And it wasn't. He just – we got into a casual, toxic relationship, which made no sense at all, actually. And then there's the guys that they're just not – they're not forthright with what their intentions are. Yeah. Even though I'm like, yeah, let's keep it real. And then there was

i think there was like one or two guys that i that were just chilled if he landed showed up in la we would bang it out he would leave we weren't here each other for months i would show up where he was at we would bang it out and that was it like that's nice when it's like you're being fairly communicated and it shows those are the possible those are the ones that go on for like a really long time it's your longest relationship because it's your most honest one where both parties are being honest and that's the difference and you don't even realize that's what's going on but they're like oh yeah well you didn't we're not lying about this and as long as sometimes you go over there and they'll be like oh i'm with somebody or you're like i got somebody right now and then you're like oh okay and then two three more times come around you get back to that city oh thank you exactly yeah yeah those shout out to the A1s from Day 1s. For real.

Only good memories, you know? Yeah, it's all good. It's never a bummer. Excellent pick. This is just a practical one. This is an early on in the day. Don't eat anything too spicy for a number of reasons. You're going to be sweating.

This is a white guy pick. I've never dealt with this. You're going to look uncomfortable. And then the corollary to this is oftentimes if we eat something too spicy, it stays on your hands and in your mouth. But if you're going to be getting active with your hands later, you know what I mean? That's a big one. Fellas, do not give your lady bacterial vaginosis. That sucks. That sucks.

Otherwise known in layman's terms as tiki masala pussy you also can't wash some of that capsaicin shit off your hands so if you eat something real spicy the skin down on the genitals is thin you're both going to be feeling it if you touch your eyes and you feel something her pussy will react

100% you will ruin what could have otherwise been a lovely evening great pick Ian thank you will react. 100%. You will ruin what could have otherwise been a lovely evening. Great pick, Ian. Thank you. Don't go somewhere where you're going to run in, where you know you're going to run into an ex. I've done it so many times back in Sioux Falls. Bartenders,

restaurants, whatever, where I'm going somewhere and I'm like, she'll probably be there, but I don't care. It's always so... Oh, like you know for sure? Pretty sure. Where I'm like, she bartends at this bar but i'm going there anyways fuck it why should i not have to that's just stupid just don't do that it's unnecessary it's ridiculous like it's asking for another problem yeah that's one of those where you're like why why yeah why would i do that but yes that uh that very simple simple

solution just don't do it somewhere else there's a relationship with someone yeah seriously don't rub it in anyone's face i've also done it where i'm like i do that whole maybe she'll realize what she lost thing that's never how it goes never ever ever ever ever gonna be how it's never gonna be like damn sean's here with that lady i should i should call sean it kills me watching him do shots of jaeger with another woman He used to buy He used to buy me Jaeger Irish Carbons I wonder if it comes from like watching too much Like TV and movies where like that works

Absolutely Because it always works in the TVs and the movies But it doesn't work in real life The shit they taught us is so much Nonsense And so much nonsense awful and so much like bad behavior that people find cute where you're like oh no people are worried that like rambo was gonna make people like like take a machine gun you know to work and such shit like

that that was not the toxic thing the movies taught us it was rom-coms the entire time it was always so much rom-com shit i watched where I'm like, this person sucks. Awful. How to lose a guy in 10 days is not much more toxic than a lot of rom-coms. I think about when Harry met Sally and I'm like,

they both kind of suck. When she does that ordering shit at the restaurant and he's like, oh cute, I'm like, no, this is a person with a service job. Get the fucking salad i'd be so bad somebody if they did that it's like poor behavior like that sucks i i gotta give a shout out to samantha from sex in the city because when i re-watched those episodes from the 90s she's like the only one that's like super sex positive super like i'm not judging you like do your thing girl like oh no judgment over here yeah this is what I did.

And I'm like, she's the only one that has aged well in terms of characters and storyline. Yeah. And she was the clown, you know, at the time. I know. That's what's wild. Kramer aged less well. Although, like the character. No, the character was fine.

The character actually has aged quite well. I just rewatched that episode where he was like trying to catch that guy doing coke and he was like here's to feeling good all the time i was like this dude is hilarious he's so funny we've been like that's all what like the throw-on kind of thing when we're working it's he's so fucking good he's like amazing michael richards is an amazing physical actor i i've i've watched seinfeld puts me to sleep every night just so you guys know i will also say my favorite thing because people always shit on seinfeld because um just like with friends where it's like it's just a white show and then these shows never depicted black and brown people but seinfeld absolutely did and what i loved about it is that every black and brown

person almost every black and brown person that interacted with the seinfeld four hated them as they should and i love that fact if you watch the episodes you're like oh yeah why would that Seinfeld is funny Friends does not oh yeah Seinfeld is still funny absolutely yeah I'll give you that Friends like the shit sucks like I don't get it yeah I'm with you I think it's generational maybe although you're younger than me I have no idea I don't know I don't know god bless you if you like it david your final pick uh this i get in all aspects of my life but dating is also another one where it comes up a lot being too private that's like a very that's a very personal thing but yeah it's like like it's like at some point it's like oh even if i enjoy sharing time with

you or whatever i'm not inviting you into my world at all. That's like not fair to you. You know what I mean? How is this going to scale up if I'm like, no, I don't need you to meet my friends or know what I'm doing or where I'm going. You know what I mean? Or what I'm thinking. Yeah, I'm like that.

Or what I'm going through or how I'm feeling about some shit that you did. I might seem preoccupied and then I start assuming it's about me and about like all that. Yeah. Are you mad at me? Or like I had,

maybe I was being that way the other day because I was having a bad day. I'm going through it with work or whatever, but I just didn't refuse to, didn't want to tell you because that's not, I feel like that's not your business or whatever. It's a very,

it's a very, you know, you work through it, but yeah, I have that like in all aspects but in dating it's just like you can't that's a good one and i think a lot of men have a hard time with that to be open and vulnerable and all that shit and and beyond being open and vulnerable about personal shit but you're right like if something happens at work it's like oh just share that

you can just share that it's not that serious having a bad night as opposed to just having a bad night you know what i mean because also that's the beauty of it right if you're dating somebody who cares about you if you're like oh i had a bad day at work and now you know like i'm just gonna go home and like see you there whatever and then they're like come over make your dinner or buy your taco bell or do the thing or let's watch this movie that i know you like and it helps change your mood and you're like oh that's why i'm dating this person because they know how to help me you know yeah they overcome whatever bullshit. Yeah, they know me well enough to help me and assist me in this moment that sucks, but it's not a big deal, but they're trying to make

it lighter and brighter, and that's always nice. But you have to give people something to love, you know what I mean? Gotta give them something. Got to do it. What a fantastic episode this has been. This has been so wonderful. I feel good. I really do feel good. Marissa, do you

have a pick? Yeah, I'm going to say bad hygiene. Nothing is a faster turn off for me than someone who stinks or who doesn't take care of themselves. Yeah. And that goes back to what we were talking about with the dirty fingers. Bad hygiene.

You will give an infection. Charlie, as someone who just dealt with one uh you weeks ago bitch me too man it's like it depends on the girl but it's like some of the worst pain you will ever feel it's true just don't yeah it's not fun please you know what i will also encourage the women be more open and discussing it with your partner because i think a lot of women are too scared to talk about it that's why men do not learn this shit because we don't want to share and you have to. Going back to what David said,

you have to share a little bit so that they understand so then they adjust a little more consciously. I just today, I was like, I had to cut my nose hair. I did. I cut my nose hairs and I come out. I was like, if they're getting too buck, it's not a problem. Let me know. It takes 10 seconds for me to control it because sometimes I just don't notice. And then my ear hairs too. I was like,

let me know. I want you to be as attracted to me as possible so i know that doesn't help so just just let me know you know pretty easy stuff and she was like what if she's into it you need it but it's about you taking the fucking initiative right i'm trying well i just sometimes i just don't know yeah i don't know my nose hairs are long that's what he's saying he's saying he's a little aloof about it it's like you know give me a little nudge. But yeah, in 10 years, she will not want to nudge him and he should do it. Yes. I'm trying.

I'll get into it. That's what I'm saying. I love when any person, men, female, like friendship, any relationship, when it's like you're like, here's what I'm trying to do. And I would appreciate the help because it is a point of weakness for me. And if they care about you, they will. And then at a certain point, they'll be like,

I can't keep reminding you about this anymore. But there does come a point because you should be doing it on your own. But I do get the like, hey, I'm trying. I'm trying. That's why I got it tattooed in old English on my forearm. So I know.

You know what I mean? You got to. Shear those ears. You got to give people grace. Yes. Can we to yeah sheer those ears you got to give people grace yes can we end it on that we have to give people grace especially in dating everybody's fucked up comes from fucked up situations and we're all trying to get through that's it we're all trying to fucking make it to the end of the day and we made it to the end of the draft and i will also say this goes on theme with my h HBO Max special coming out very soon because it's about trying to be a better person.

Like that's the if you'll pay attention, there's a through line there. It's like I'm trying to be better because it is a lot of work. And I did point out that so many comics are so not doing that. They're so stuck in their ways. So trying to be like, I'll cancel me because I use this word. I'm never going to stop using this word. And I'm like, and my special is like, I'm trying to be better. you i'll cancel me because i use this word i'm never gonna stop using this word how bad and i'm like and my special is like i'm trying to be better and it is hard but i'm trying so

much of the base stand-up comedy perform persona is just like i'm just a scumbag so yeah a lot of the comedy is that way yeah a lot of comedy no i know it's like it's like that's where the grace comes in just in life where it's like if somebody somebody does say like, I'm trying to work on this, let them, if they fuck up and then they try to fix it. If we don't make room for that, what the fuck are we? Exactly. Nothing works that way then because then it's like people won't tell the truth about what they're going through or trying to be better. And then everybody's supposed to have this compass that was already, you know, trickle down shit. I'm saying butterfly effect, bitch. I read that's why January 6th was already, you know. It's the trickle-down shit. I'm saying. It's the butterfly effect, bitch.

And that's why January 6th was actually a good thing. A good thing. Marcella, she would have been there. She went first. It was nice. Ignoring red flags, don't go after a guy unless you know he's into you. Starting late is a mistake. Going back to a piece of shit and then assuming

that men were going to be more chill. I think that's an eternal wisdom right there. I went second. I took coming's an eternal wisdom right there. I went second. I took coming on too strong, dating someone just because they're hot, coming on too weak, bringing up an ex too quick, and then eating something spicy on a date. Sean,

getting too hammered, being too needy, swearing too much, doing a date just for you, and taking a girl or a date to a place you know an ex is going to be. Dave, you went last. You took not valuing your own time, not knowing you need to sit a couple plays out,

trauma dumping, not trusting your instincts, and being too private. We left some stuff on the board. Left a lot of stuff on the board. Not coming too fast. I pretty much summed myself up with those five picks. That was scary to hear out loud in a row but you're working on it you know you're married you got a baby you got your ears trimmed like you're doing it i'm out here you got you got a lady out there doing your yard work i'm impressed you're you're proof that if you work on yourself

you will find the thing that you want it's goddamn right man and what that is is a trimmed hedge yeah we want to hear your answers hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the afe uh sheslackity the afe patreon thank you so much for holding us down new content coming all month uh shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to super producer mar everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa on the ones and twos. Yep, yep. Shout out to

who else? Frankie Ocean, Sid the Dude, Haji Beats, and more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklack, kitty. Woo! That was a HeadGum Podcast.