All Fantasy Everything - Day Off (w/ Zak Toscani, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: December 14, 2017

What a day for a day off. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Dave Gborie, Seantel Jordan and Zakarius Toscanini to draft their own personal Ferris Bueller's Day Off. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that got an email saying, Ian, why don't you do those longer intros at the beginning again? Read it and is now sitting here in this chair after a pain-filled drive to the studio. His knee attacked by gout. Crystals in his blood getting lodged in inconvenient places. The joints. You thought you saw the movie Blood Diamond. What is this?

What is this? A fucking duet all of a sudden? When has there ever been a second person? I got into it. When has there ever been a second person in this intro? What are you even doing here? What are you even doing here? He came in so hot. We're supposed to have mr t on today what are you doing here just dropped in like fucking ethan hunt

whoa that was mission impossible dude just zip lining out of an air duct that was wild yeah i've never seen anyone i even approached the throne the kimono dragon himself just jumping into the intro i didn't even know it was the throne i completely i just got into your story and it's almost this is almost that whole like uh sean your whole thing where if you drew drove to south central yeah and just threw your keys out the window pick it up you fucking coward and nobody be like well no that dude's nuts right because you're crazy of course they're gonna like they're not gonna pick it up but they're not gonna fuck with you just because you're like, this guy's actually insane.

Yeah. They'd be like, well... He threw his keys out the window for sure. Yeah, yeah. That for real happened. Anyway, it's that podcast. There it is. That was all written down, by the way. That was all written down. We were all reading our parts. Perfectly executed. We all worked on it on the way here. Yeah. In different cars. Yeah. We're here

today. I'm thrilled about it. We got the Core 4. Feels like it's been so long. Coined by a super producer over there. Super're here today. I'm thrilled about it. We got the core four. Feels like it's been so long. Coined by a super producer over there. Super producer Marissa. Shout out to Canada. Mars Mel, shout out to Canada. What's up, Canada? We got some other shout outs. Speaking of Canada. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Samuel Jacob on Reddit.

Playboy. Who created, who manages accounts and created on Flare for Sean and David. So that's really nice. Thank you, Samuel Jacob. Now we're all on Reddit. We have Flare. But I might make my own account and come through stealthy. Yeah, dude. Just ask weird questions.

Why won't Sean play Words with Friends with David? I went. That's a real world shit, though. I went. He is a coward. Cowardice. I sent that request maybe literally 8.30 this morning. Wow.

I was fucking lifting weights all day. Oh, yeah? I saw this dude at lunch. Yeah. And he was, you know, I was like, Sean, any words with friends requests? He's like, no, dude, none today. Did you see that story in the news about that, like, 20-year-old black dude who's playing Words with Friends for years with this person?

Oh. And then they finally met. It was like this old woman in like miami florida or something all the races if we're gonna name any of them for sure it's an old white woman well that asian man on looking i mean honestly that's the reason why it probably went viral totally because yeah she was an old white woman and then they became buddies well just like i think people especially now are looking for stories that are just like- Oh, what with the- They want us to come together.

That's a good point. Harmony, positive stories, you know, where you're just like, all right, this is just uplifting. Absolutely. Something Sean Jordan would read or write. Something Sean Jordan might bring up while drunk. Yeah. Yeah. I bring it up sober.

That's true. You do. I'm just drunk a lot. You do. You do. I keep it sober. I'm just drunk a lot. I'm just saying because we had a big weekend.

Second shout out to Two Steps from Thursday, also from Reddit, who created an all fantasy everything TV tropes page, which is something I'm just finding about for the first time today. It's very funny. You showed me when I got here. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. It's Buck, if you will.

It's Buck. It is. It's Buck Williams. Do they mention Buck on the TV? Of course. They mention how I don't like saying bro, but I say Buck all the time. That has to be labeled under inconsistent vernacular.

Do you not say bro ever? I do now. I say it too much. I say bro all the time. I say it a lot now. Yeah. You're ashamed of it, and to me,

it's one of my, it's like, you're a little ashamed. You're uncomfortable. I don't think you like it. I don't know if it was a shame. It's a cool shirt that you feel you look weird in. Yeah, yeah.

That's what's going on with it. You don't know if you could pull off a FUBU shirt. Yeah, bro. But everybody's like, you're wearing that FUBU shirt. My dad came out of a Marshall's drunk one time in Minneapolis holding the biggest FUBU shirt he could get his hands on. He's like, what do you think? And I go, no, dad.

That's the funniest string of words together I've ever heard. My dad was white. Yeah. I have so many questions. Was he drinking in the Marshalls? The FUBU stand for fucked up on bourbon. Fucked up bourbon up. And the last U was just like, ugh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Shout out. Shout-outs. Shout-outs. So, yeah, shout-out to both of y'all. Any other shout-outs? Denver showed up. Oh, yeah.

Improved. It was sick, dude. I love it. There were so many people. You were there with a Cananiac who wasn't drinking that week. No. You would think when one of your good friends is not drinking, that might slow you down a little bit.

No. I think it might have sped me up a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, I think I might have been going for two whoa yeah one of the huskies had to get into the uh sled we still had to finish the iditarod you know i get it everyone in denver it was super tight i couldn't believe uh we we did a show our david's boy my boy now chris baker did a show themed the whole's boy, my boy now, Chris Baker, did a show, themed the whole thing over all fantasy everything. Really?

Yeah, the whole thing. He's going to love that we're talking about it. David owes us fucking $4,500 then. Interesting you should bring that up. I want that $4,500.

$4,500 American bakes. How did he theme it over all fantasy everything? It was just, he had some black velvet there. He had, That's awesome. There was a bunch of cereal.

That is not something you want following you. Yeah, it does, though. There were cereals, but it was the cereals that we all picked. They had grape nuts on them? We tweeted at you a picture with me grimacing at a box of grape nuts. I think I may have seen that. Then you got a new phone the next day because you threw that one against the wall. I tried to eat it because I love grape nuts so much.

Grape nuts! That's at Sean Jordan on Sean P. Jordan. Yeah, at eHarmony. On Twitter. eHarmony.com. And Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan at PlentyOfFish.net. And J-Date. Yeah, I'm J-Date.

And then fucking get that shit on Grindr, dude. Get that shit on Grindr. Get that shit on Grindr on Reddit. Susgoyum on Grindr, dude. Get that shit on Grindr. Get that shit on Grindr on Reddit. Suscoyum on JDate. And then Bumblebee on Bumblebee on Bumble. Bumblebee on Bumble. Bumblebee on Bumble. Yum, yum, Bumblebee, Bumblebee, tuna. I feel like it's been forever.

This is awesome. It has kind of felt like forever. It's been like two weeks or something since we're all together. Well, we had to keep putting it off because of the gout. I'm going to kill that, dude. Yeah, dude. We had to keep putting the recording off. We were supposed to do it off because of the gout. I'm going to kill that dude. Yeah, dude. We had to keep putting the recording off. We were supposed to do it on Sunday.

Sure. Now it's a balmy, not even balmy, it's a crisp Wednesday night. So this is maybe the closest to publishing that AFE has ever been recorded. Sure. So we can talk about the news, dude. We can talk about how the Blazers just keep going. Some of those current event events. We can talk about Doug Jones' big Senate win.

Who? Doug Jones. Who We can talk about Doug Jones' big Senate win. Who? Doug Jones. Who? Doug Jones. Doug Jones. I saw a guy on the street one time. He was telling me about this Mike Jones show.

Who? And it took, I did that like five times. And finally he's like, man, fuck you. And then I just walked away. Oh boy. Yeah, that was a nice little treat. That was a nice little treat. Good news for the first time in God knows how long. I know, I know.

Listen, we're not a political show, but it's just nice that that happened. So fucking cool. It's good when the good guys win. It is good when the good guys win. Plus that fucking fraudulent Roy Moore trying to ride a horse and shit. Get your horse out of here. What about this? Get your horse out of my face.

That fucking fraud with his little vest and his tiny gun. Here's the thing. You can have a vest or you can have a horse. You can't have a horse and a vest, dickhead. Not unless you're Lorenzo Lama circa 1991. Or like in True Grit. Yeah, True Grit. You can do that in True Grit.

The one slightly annoying thing, though, is after all that happened, there were still like, mostly comics, like people who just need to be cynical all the time. We're like, he's not even that great. And it's like, what does that even matter? And you're like, why do you have to be that way? I know. Take a fucking breather. We've been taking so many L's this year. I know.

You can't walk out of your house without getting hit by L's. And then just hold this W close for one night. Glad we barely beat the pedophile. It's like, fucking calm down. I'm glad we won something. Calm down. It would be like if four people were on a life raft and they're starving for weeks. And then one of them finds a sleeve of crackers.

And then three of them are like, that's so awesome. We get to survive for a few more days. And then the fourth person's like, that's not steak, though. Glad we're eating saltines. It's not steak. Fucking putting your woke points up on Twitter. I guess I'm in college now. Give it a rest.

How about this? Give it a rest, chump. Yeah. Step back. At the G is silent. Hey, hey. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. 2813308004.

Back then, hoes didn't want me. Now I'm hot. They all want me. What do we got? Do we have anything to plug? Is there anything coming up? Oh, no, because we did Bruja. I think I'm at some benefit tomorrow.

I don't know where I'm at, guys. It's a weird time of the year. If you're in LA, I'm doing two shows that I'll tweet about, Mixtape, and then I'm at Bar Lubitsch after tomorrow night. Ooh, Mixtape is Saturday. Oh, on deck. On deck. Yeah.

Yeah. At Nerd Melt, right? Nerd Melt. Yeah, let's all plug on deck. Oh, on deck. On deck. Yeah. Nerd melt, right? Nerd melt. Yeah, let's all plug on deck. I'm on it. On deck. Are you on it? I'm going to be there making moves.

Y'all will be there? I'll be there. I'll be there. Dude, that's the place to be. Enemy of the podcast, Mike Beloy will be there. I might beat him up. Yeah. If my knee's better, I might just beat him up in front of everybody.

He might be the only person that we know that could beat you up. I think Mike Beloy will beat you up. He is so tough. He's ranging. I was watching wrestling with him last night, and he was just talking about Boston stories, and I was like, ah. Oh, I wouldn't bet on me in a fight with Mike. No.

She's already got me tripping over words. Do I have like a thing? Intimidated. Do I have like a crowbar or something? No. No. Well. I would have to have size.

Oh. Like Raphael and the Ninja Turtles? They'd have to be something you couldn't like rip out of my hands. You know? They'd have to have size like Raphael and the Ninja Turtles they'd have to be something you couldn't rip out of my hands I think that I would fuck size up somehow you just poke is it jabbing? I need a slice

I need a slice and a jab size are made to block and catch things too it's like you have a black belt second degree man, two strips of bacon dog what you trying to do? What you trying to do? I'm trying to fight you with words of friends. I'll kill you.

I went. At Zach Toscani. Yes, sir. On Twitter. Zach Toscani on Instagram. Yes, sir. There it is. Originator of today's draft idea.

Yep. Oh, but you have something to plug. Oh, I do. Plug away, my friend. Cincinnati. I will be doing shows. Oh, that's so interesting. You're going to be in Cincinnati.

Great. Cincinnati, Ohio. You know, when I think about Cincinnati, I think about Skyline Chili. That's what I think about. And the Cincinnati Reds. Anyway, I got to show. How does it feel being interrupted? Oh!

I didn't even get what you were doing. I was like, yeah, all right. Oh, I'm laughing. Yeah, I was going with you. I was like, all right. I accidentally interrupt so much that it's hard to tell when it's being done as sort of a piece of theater. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

No, no, no. You're in, Sensei. You're doing a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doing shows on the 26th and 27th at Motor Pub. And the shows be free. Ooh. So there's no tickets.

Just show up. It's going to be dope. World be free. Go see that shit. Donation at the door. And then January 4th through 6th, I will be at Helium PDX with Sampler Platter himself. Oh.

You know what? Real quick. Everybody I don't want to get personal but throw out Shane Torres some good juju. 100%. Absolutely.

Tweet some positive stuff at the kid. Tweet some pictures of Sampler Platter. Nothing bad to say about that kid. Just shower the man with love.

Pizza bagels. Go pick up that album. Tell him he's dope. He's a fantastic person. That album where the drawing on the front looks like him pizza bagels. Just go pick up that album. Tell him he's dope. He's a fantastic person. That album where the drawing on the front looks like him. Uh-huh. Yeah. Looks just like him.

Looks like him. I thought it was a picture. Yeah. I didn't even know it was a painting. It was hard to, it was really, it's the uncanny valley is what they call it, where you can't tell if something's fake or real. Yeah. That's what it was.

And that picture definitely reached that status. Like that windswept Native American. Yeah. Just out there. I don't know what he looks like. Again, I mean, not to bring up Lorenzo Llamas twice in one podcast, but I really couldn't tell.

I'm like, is that fucking Jane or is that renegade era Lorenzo Llamas? Yeah, but like with a smoky eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A sexier eye.

Sexy eye. Sexy is a good word. Sultry. Yeah. I'm going to say a little more Irish than Lorenzo Llamas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Robust. Some of that whimsy. Some of that hill country whimsy. Just some of that baked beans in the morning. Yeah, baked beans in the morning. I'm sick of beans. So go see Zach. Shout out Shane for real.

If you're listening to this, send little Sam Pee Pee some love on Twitter. And then come see me, your boy Ian Carmel. Do it. At Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon on December 22nd. Do it. Sean Jordan is there. Do it. There's going to be some special guests in the house. Aw, shit. I'm not allowed to

say who? Aw, shit. RZA. Yeah, dude. It's RZA. He's going to do his scene from Derailed. He's going to read his pivotal scene from Derailed. RZA's going to be there. Me and Ian Ziering are going to read his pivotal scene from Derailed. It's going to be. It's going to be. Riz is going to be there.

Me and Ian Ziering are going to hash out how to pronounce the name finally. Oh, I've been waiting for that. Yeah. I've been waiting for that. They're going to hash it out by seeing who can smoke more hash. More hash. And then whoever ends up doing it. That's how we say it. I think they got to fight.

I think they got to throw hands. You going to fight? I would fight Ian Ziering. I think you're going to fight. I saw him one time. Yeah? I think I talked about fight. I think they got to throw hands. You going to fight? I would fight. I think you're going to fight. I saw him one time. Yeah? I think I talked about it on this podcast. I feel like if all the Ions fought all the Ions, the Ions would win.

Oh, yeah. For sure. How many Ions are there? There's like four Ions. There's enough, and that's pissing me off. Really? Yeah. I went to high school with one.

Really? Yes. And he pushed it hard on us. Ian Coy, whose sister, Sarah Coy. Shout out to Sarah Coy. Listen to this podcast. How you doing, girl? She's awesome. It's actually I am Koi, whose sister, Sarah Koi. Shout out to Sarah Koi. Listen to this podcast. How you doing, girl? She's actually Sarah.

Sarah. Yeah, Sarah. Sarah. So that was the first laugh I heard. Oh, no. She's been giggling the whole time. Yeah. We're on fine form.

We're on fine form. Let it be known. But not while you talk. But when everyone else. Not while Johnny, you talk. Shut the fuck up, dude. Dude, put your shirt back on. Be Mr. T and take your hat off.

Yeah. Roll your sleeves down. Why is the Quran on fire? What the fuck are you doing? Sean, don't draw. Don't draw what I think you're drawing. Oh, my God. I chewed on that tin foil.

Jesus Christ. I did that when I was in a good mood. You just swallowed a grenade? Yeah, dude. Where's the piss? Swallowed a grenade. Oh, dear. Yeah, so Revolution Hall on the 22nd.

Uh-huh. Come check it out. Sean's going to be there. Special guests. You're really not going to miss it. Tickets on sale now. Not a ton left. Not a ton left.

Yeah. And then come hang out. There's going to be an after party. It's going to be fun. There is. It is. So without further ado, today we are drafting our own little Ferris Bueller's Day Off. So the conceited, this is Zach's idea.

And much like everything from the treasure chest that is Zach Toscani's head, it's a little dark. It's crazy. It's a little hard. It's really hard for us to understand. Do you think it's dark? No, I don't think it's dark. I was just trying to. I think you're going to find some weird way to make it dark.

It's murky. I'm not 100% sure how to play it. So the idea is we're just, we're playing hooky from, like, work, basically. Right. What kind of day would you have? Right. We don't have to draft it in order. No. But it's just, what kind of day would we want to have if we all of a sudden... What are the

events? What are the ingredients of your day off? And there's sort of some of that urgency of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, where it's like, because you know, if I skip work, what I would actually do is just get baked and play 2K, but I'm not drafting that. Exactly. If you boiled, like, the essence of your day off,

like the best parts. I'm scared. This is really our best day off. I'm scared. See, this one always weighs on me. This is the reason I thought of it, was, like, I think a lot of people do sick days wrong. I think you should go into work.

I mean, if you're really sick, stay home. But if you just have a cold, go work because work sucks anyway dude work sucks so so you say i save the sick days for when you wake up and you actually feel really good for no reason where you're just like whoa i'm like alert right i'm and like it's just a beautiful day fuck it i'm like this is my it's a beautiful day. Yes. Yeah. It's like not quite... To let it get away. Woof. That's not Bono.

No. That was not Bono. That was not Bono. That was the edge. That's what the edge sounds like. The grenade went off in Sean's stomach. And just the air passing over his vocal cords for some reason did a U2 song. I really wanted to give that to you too.

He's an Irishman. And it's stuck on everyone's iPod. Not that album. I wish that album. So you just think your philosophy is people do sick days wrong. Now, when you have the gout, it's not an option. You know, you got to take those sick days. I'm saying for like a cold.

I'm with you. Yes. I'm with you 100%. I can't count the times I went into work hungover just throwing up. And by the way, what are you doing? I'm like, well, I feel like shit. I might as well be here. Work usually has medicine.

So you now don't even have to pay for like daequilins. Yeah, that's the trick. You don't need health insurance. And people will be like, oh, you're sick. Let me go get you lunch. It's great. Okay. It's like, what am I doing that I can't do sick anyways?

What job have I ever had that I can't do? If I do stay home. Here's a pound of ham if I'm sick or if I'm not, you know? Right. So this is what we're drafting. The day off. And to determine the order of the draft, the three of you are going to play a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.

Oh, yeah. I'm going up this. Y'all did. I'm punching into the air. Here we go. I'm about to call it. Oh, wait. Marissa, do you want to?

I know sometimes you film. All right. Yeah. All right. So now we're buying time. Maybe I'll sing a little bit. Yeah. We got our bingo wings going. Do you want me to sing again? I would actually show them if you would sing. Oh, what? It's ready. Okay. All right. So now we're buying time. Maybe I'll sing a little bit. Yeah. We got our bingo wings going.

Do you want me to sing again? I would actually, Sean, if you would sing. Oh, what? It's ready. Okay, I'm going to sing. The careless whisper. So here we go. If you've seen the GIF and you, for some reason, see me wearing sandals, don't bring it up.

Don't fucking bring it up. Here we go. Even if you don't see him wearing sandals, he's wearing sandals. He just said. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. Oh, David Borey wins.als. He's wearing sandals. He just said. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. Oh, David Borey wins. David the child.

Yes. Sean hiled Hitler. So does he. I didn't miss. Yeah. I did a flat. Zach kind of followed through on a jump shot. Yeah.

David went black power fish. Sean hiled Hitler. Oh, it's a bad foot to start on. Oh, Sean, now you're goose stepping? Jesus, man. Whoa. Shit. Shit. Sean. Shit. Shit.

Sean, everybody look outside. Look away. I'm hideous. Sean knows I got one good wheel, so he's getting it out right now. Ian, you want these gummy bears, dude? Fucking gummy bears. I'm gonna go. I'm picking this right now. I'm going the good old-fashioned C. Sean first.

You're doing that because you think that I'm going to have a whack pick, aren't you? Why are you sewing your head? I'm doing it because you disrespected your friend on the internet by not accepting my Words with Friends request. That's why I'm doing it. Not that this is good for a podcast, but open that app up in a second when you're just sitting there idle and see who responded, who played. Well, because you're probably going to get me a ride home. So what are your guys' names on words with friends? We can tell the list. Oh, it's McGriggs. Yeah. I couldn't find it. G S M C G R I G S. I don't know. Let me try. It is David capital G one six five

one. There it is. Picture me. And I'm not on words with friends. Good on you. Cause I'm a fucking adult. I don't know it sounds really fun I just am not on a boat yeah I don't know Siggs McGregs C-I-G-S-M-C-G-R-I-G-G-S oh double G's at the end two G's dog Sean Jordan going first

I'm doing that because I am not confident enough to pick double y segundo yeah so he's first Estoy Dos Zach Trace confident enough to pick double. Y segundo? Yeah, so he's first. Estoy. Dos. Alright. Zach, Trace. Ian, Cuatro. Hell yeah. So this is going to let me hear Zach's

first pick and then try to derail him. I don't think it's... I might be playing to block on this one. Uh-oh. So with the first pick... Hold on. Kill some time for us. No no alright What are you doing? Oh yeah your list

Pulling your list up Yeah I was pulling my list up Because I didn't expect to go first He never lets me go first That's what I'm saying I think that you are looking Way too deep into this I got it dude

Sean you're freaking out Huh? Somebody Anybody got like a diarrhea brush? Sean just grew Wolverine The cherry just got dirty You ready? With the first pick, Sean Jordan in the Ferris Bueller,

day off, all fantasy, everything draft. I would be a member in the Jeopardy audience. Oh. Okay. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Go see a Jeopardy taping.

I mean, it would be like a game show, but for me it would be Jeopardy or The Price is Right. Oh, I like that. Even when I was, I played hooky, but for me it'd be Jeopardy or The Price is Right. Those are two things that, even when I was I played hooky every day here for about a year and a half. Why didn't you go? You could have gone. Because I was always so nervous about not having any money

that I didn't want to spend the gas. We could, we should go. We can just go to Jeopardy. Dude, we have so many plans for 2018. Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. Yeah, we're planning a Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. Which is going to be awesome. It's going to be great. Jeopardy.

I also think it would be fun, eat some mushrooms, go to the symphony. Hold on. That sounds gross. Don't say any more of these picks. You know what? Young Ian Carmel was in a number of Murder Mystery productions in Portland, Oregon. What? There's no way that I don't see that voice.

What else? You, I keep finding out, oh, this don't see that voice. That's so awesome. You, I keep finding out, oh, this is better than the book. That is so cool. When I was like, I had done a bunch of improv, and then they came to me, and they were like, do you want to participate in these murder mysteries? Yes.

So yeah, I played a character. I played like an Italian stereotype, and then there was also like a Christmas one. So I was in these two different murder mysteries. How long were they? They were like an hour and a half, two hours long. And everybody's eating dinner. Everybody's eating dinner while you do it.

Yeah, and you go interact with people. You'll sit at a table. You'll eat dinner with them and like in character. We got to go. We did one at Nike once. Oh, that sounds so great. Except it was just for Japanese businessmen who like they spoke English, but like none of these jokes were going over, you know, That's so great. Except it was just for Japanese businessmen who, like, they spoke English, but, like,

none of these jokes were going over, you know, because humor is, like, one of the last things to translate. Sure. Oh, yeah, there's sarcasm. You just had to give it your all, and these dudes were just like, what is happening? And I'm like, why the fuck did they hire him? What do they think is going to happen? They actually think there's a murder, so they're stressing out.

No one told him it's a joke. Our country full of guns and murderers. Guns and psychopaths, yeah. No, we find this funny as well. Not only does murder happen here, we do little shows about it. It's amusing. We do little fun little shows. Gotta keep it light.

We do arson-based camping trips. We do murder mystery. We have escape rooms, so you can mimic the experience of being trapped. There is way too much pressure in this country. Our country's fucked. We are wild, and that is not fun. And you know what we don't have? We don't have rooms.

I've heard about these rooms in Japan that are just set up like an office that you can just go in, you pay a certain amount of money, and you can just beat the shit out of everything. Oh, we got those. We do? We got those now. Yeah. Rage rooms. Yeah. I've heard of that.

Yeah. They had one in the season finale. Yeah, we got to get a rage room. I have so many activities. There was one in the season finale of Ballers. And by the way, dear listeners, we have not forgotten about the Ballers podcast. We're just waiting until it gets closer to season four. It's been, and like oddly been busy boys over the last couple months. We have so it's like it's trick trickier but i think the holidays will be easier yeah yeah

when we're all going to jeopardy when season four is announced we'll we'll start doing it we'll go through the first three seasons and if season four isn't announced you're gonna get a podcast about how we murdered the producers at hbo yeah who x-nayed ballers there's the only way there's not a season four is if the rock decides to run for president. Which could happen. It could happen. That's the most baller thing to do. He gets to keep all those checkerboard suits. Elizabeth Warren is going to keep ballers on the air.

Yeah, Elizabeth Warren loves ballers. That's my favorite fact in the world. She loves ballers. Is that she just loves ballers. Everybody should love ballers. It's a dank ass show. Shout out to Elizabeth Warren. What up, EW?

Go to a Jeopardy taping. So you would just like to go sit there while they do like... Oh, hell yeah. I wonder so many things about Jeopardy. Can they see the questions? Like, can those people see the questions? Okay. Do they just have to listen to the questions?

Yeah. How big are the questions if they can see them? I imagine they can see the questions because a lot of people ring in before... Yeah. And there's monitors above the audience. See, this is what I want to see. I want to see how nervous these people are in real life, on commercial breaks or when they're taking like breaks in the filming yeah there's we watched one yesterday and the dude was just like full-on moving something might

have been wrong with that dude yeah yeah but i mean i just i want to see the nerves of these people i want to see would it be hard for you not to shout out the answers no no no i said it'd be hard for me not to shout out shut the fuck Up, Alex and keep the game show going. Right, right, right. You're not funny. There's fucking three columns left. There's professional comedians in this audience

and I fucking, I can't get the $400 clue. Which ones do you think I'm going to get? Yeah. I want the $200 clue. Go to a Jeopardy taping. Go to a Jeopardy taping.

If I knew Sean, he's got a backpack. There's essentials in there. Oh, they're taking that backpack. You don't get to bring a backpack into the studio. I can bring in some shooters. Well, this is a,

I always feel like. You can bring in some shooters. Put them in your butt cheeks. Yeah, I'll put them in the prison pocket, dude. I'll get some shooters that backpack. You don't get to bring a backpack into the studio. I can bring in some shooters. Well, this is a... I always feel like... You can bring in some shooters. Put them in your butt cheeks. Yeah, I'll put them in the prison pocket, dude. I'll get some shooters in there. You don't get to bring a backpack into the taping.

You've got to drink that beforehand. I'll put it in God's backpack, my stomach. There it is. This is still the real world. I mean... Yeah. You can't...

The Sausage King of Chicago's name is still on that reservation. You've got to finagle around. If he puts it under his shirt and he's like, I'm a fat guy. Yeah. He finagles it. One way. Is what I'm saying.

I bring in some shooters is what I do. Sure. Yeah, for sure. All right. And we enjoy Jeopardy. A little hammer to the Jeopardy taping. Yeah, and you three are there with me, by the way. Of course.

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slash HeadGum. $5 a month? That's ridiculous. Okay, back to the podcast. Alright, go see a Jeopardy tape. There's the first pick. David Borey, it's time for your first pick. My first pick,

I want to do a righteous speak now or forever hold your peace at a wedding. Oh! Oh, God. Jessica! Nicole! Oh, my God!

Nicole! Yeah. David. I want it to be like a wedding where everybody knows this is a sham. Damn. But no one has the heart. And it's my day off, God damn it. Oh, my God.

And they say speak now, and I say, I cannot let this stand. Are you just popping into a random wedding? I'm imagining like a- No, it's got to be- It's probably in the narrative of like- Sure. So here's what I think about it. At first, I was like, I want it to be the woman I'm in love with.

But no, you know what I want it to be? I want it to be the woman Cameron's in love with. Because that's why he's so depressed. Because she's marrying this other dude. So it's like the woman, it's the call. That's how we start the day. You're getting my back. Because, you know, the ceremony's at 10 a.m.

Yeah. Because they're cheap. It's at the AFW or whatever. And then, yeah, I speak now. And I pull her and we leave the church to go see Cameron. Yeah. I they're cheap. It's at the AFW or whatever. And then, yeah, I speak now and I pull her and we leave the church to go see Cameron. Yeah. I speak now. I speak now.

I love it. Yeah, that's fucking. And you're slamming on the wall like it's The Graduate. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I just think it would feel so good.

To be righteous in it. Yeah. To be like, you're the one beacon of truth. No. No. And guess what? I know you don't love Doug. You don't love him!

Hey, Doug, look at me. You know she doesn't love you. Hey, Doug, I will fuck you up. Doug, this can happen now or this can happen in three years. Yeah. We can do this real easy or we can get into some gangster shit. We can get lawyers involved. I'll fight the whole Doug Douglas family.

Yeah, dude, I see your whole family over there. What is she doing? Your family ain't doing nothing, Doug. Yeah. But yeah, I just want to do that. I think it would feel really good. That's perfect. It would be such a good thing to do on an epic day.

Wow. You know how many weddings I've been to where I'm just like, wow, I wish someone would take this bullet? I've never even heard of it happening. Yeah, I know. I've never even heard of it happening. Yeah, I know. I've never even heard stories of it. You'd have to be so in love with someone to be like, no. To show up to the wedding?

Do you have any idea how close I was? Oh, so you're in scenario, you're not invited at all, David. You're showing up. I'm, dude, I'm kicking the door down. Like graduate style. I mean, I think I'm waiting outside to hear, oh, so if anyone has any, so I'm out. But I'm like, boom. Yes.

Kicking the door. What are you wearing? Oof. Honestly? Yeah. Honestly? Yeah. Always.

Camo shorts as per usual. Because you're you. Yeah, because I'm me still. Why would you go in and put on airs for that shit? Yeah. Yeah. It's part of the story. Like I said, she's not in love with me.

She loves Cameron. Right. Cameron maybe is in the whip or he's back at the crib. The best guy to be is the fat best friend in the rom-com. Oh, my God. Especially if I can speak now. I've long maintained that. Yeah.

Especially if I can speak now. They asked, by the way. They asked. They asked. You put this on yourself. Okay. What's your... Okay.

So if anyone has... What's your first word when someone says if anyone has anything speak now forever hold your peace what's your first like okay your first word about this yeah it's either wait or or i come through with a boom box and hit it like whoa bust it like funky everyone's like why you know what i'm gonna start playing is that what's that song that that rap song Oh, fair much. Throw your hands in the sky. Yeah, something like that. You could play Annie up and just kidnap that fool. Kidnap that fool, yeah.

It's just a vocal only of a Metallica song. It's a lie. Just the vocal track? Just the vocal track. That's wild. It would be. That is a great one. Because there'd be all those pauses.

That would be the most psycho thing to listen to just like in your car. Bargains. Just with Alka vocals. Master! And then it's just master for a long time. There's not a lot of words in between the next master. Master! Master!

At a stoplight? What's up, sweetheart get in master yeah i like it uh i love that speaking out or forever holding your piece put that in the banners man at a wedding yeah another that is a hall of fame that is a hall of fame pick that is great tiscani it is time for your first pick. Yes. Okay. So I've got a little bit of background before the first pick. Oh, yeah.

All right. This is the situation. Big Island of Hawaii. Uh-huh. The year 2009. Oh. We all live on the Big Island of Hawaii. Sure.

I can see that. Yeah. Okay. We live on an old sugar plantation. Okay. In various homes. Okay. We live on an old sugar plantation. Okay. In various homes. Okay. We all got our own spot?

Yes. Okay. Ian, you are the owner and maitre d' of Tres Hombres. Whoa. The most happening Mexican spot. On the Big Island? On Kwai Hai. Yeah.

Yes. Yes. I like that for me. Okay. I think you guys got greater d' of Tres Hombres. Tres Romanos? Tres Hombres. Tres Hombres. Tres Hombres. Three. Yes. I like that for me. Okay. I think you guys got greater to go to Gallo. Tres Romanos? Tres Hombres. Tres Hombres.

Three minutes. You come for the fried ice cream, but you stay for the entertainment. Whoa. You put on the show. Caballeros. Caballeros. You're gregarious.

You're like a Big Island celebrity. I love that. You're like a John Chiave. Do me a favor and say Caballeros real quick. Caballeros. Oh, gentlemen, please. Look at that.

Sean. Who's John Chiave? I'm not letting you get away with that. He's a Big Island celebrity. Is he? Yeah. What does he do? Does he own a restaurant? No, please. Look at that. Who's John Kiawe? I'm not letting you get away with that. He's a Big Island celebrity. Is he? Yeah. What does he do?

Does he own a restaurant? No, no. He's a guitarist. He's a guitarist. Yeah, and he plays guitar on Kiawe Wood, which is indigenous to the Big Island. Well, that you don't have to explain to me. Yeah, sure. Okay, I get it.

Yeah, what do you think it's going to be? Sean is in a gutter. No. Sean's dead. Sean's dead like his fucking dad, David. Sean works at the Bento Box, which is the restaurant next to the high school. Okay. It's like the Max in Saved by the Bell.

He's like mentoring kids. Oh, he's teaching them kickflips. Yes. Can I do magic? Yes. Did you say can I do magic? Max can do magic at the Max. Me and David.

You're really fucking blowing it. Stop. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm sorry. David and I are cooks at my parents' restaurant. He's head chef. I'm a sous chef.

Oh, shit. I'm wearing those shorts. Our girlfriends are servers at the restaurant. Of course they are. You two also have girlfriends. Okay. Okay. I was going to say.

Now, what's going on is the taste of Kohala. It's the taste of the town we live in. Right. Oh, I was going to say. Now, what's going on is the taste of Kohala. It's the taste of the town we live in. Right. Oh, I love the taste. For the past five years, we all have our own booths. We really set it up. We've made it. We've blown this thing up.

Right. I love this world. This year, our girlfriends have been like, you guys put so much time into this. I think we can handle it. You guys should maybe take a day off. And we're like, no, we worked so hard for this. Yeah. But we just decided to take a day off.

I think I said day off. A little more stern than that, but yeah. So we just decided to take a day off. And we're like, no, we worked so hard for this. Yeah. But we just decided to take a day off. I think I said no a little more stern than that, but yeah. So we just decided to take a day off. Okay. On the taste of koala. Now, because this is coming to my first pick, because we live on a sugar plantation, my first pick is that we ride down the koala ditch all the way. It is, okay, so I'll explain it.

The koala Ditch was built like 100 years ago by Japanese sugar plantation workers. It's a canal system that goes three miles. It goes through tunnels, bridges, waterfalls. What do we ride?

It's like a lazy river. It's just water? Yes. Oh, yeah, man. It's just a narrow canal. I fucking love that. Yes. I love that.

I love that world that we live in. Yes. Oh, my God. I just want to- There's coolers. There's floatable coolers. Oh, man. Oh, yeah.

We're floating down, but we've been given the day off. Are we evading anyone? No, no. We're not really given the day off. It's like they've hinted. They've made it seem okay. Like, we're not putting anyone in a bind. Okay.

But we're really going, you know what? We've deserved this. We've put in time. We've put in work. Well, they're not going to come a bind okay but we're really going you know what we've deserved this we've put in time they're not gonna come check on us they're they're busy with the booths yeah yeah i thought it was gonna be a lot easier than it was exactly we're way too good at our job they left and they're like you know what you guys just you know hang out for a little bit and show up late and we just decide we're taking the whole day or we just don't show up yeah or we just don't show up we're playing floating down a lazy river yeah a natural lazy river absolutely we're real they call it fl natural lazy river. I didn't even know those were real. They call it flume in the ditch. Flume in the ditch?

Yeah. Flume in the ditch. I've heard of gleam in the cube. Oh, man. I was born to flume in the ditch. But I've never flumed in this before. It's real. This really exists.

I'm a ditch bloomer from way back. In Hawaii, there's a taste of Venice. It's not as deep as that canal, but it's like almost the Lazy River. Basically the same thing. Maybe like 10 foot across and maybe like 5 feet deep. Oh, like the canal streets. That's what you just said, isn't it? God, I'm stupid.

No, no, no. We're Venice. I was speaking Venice. Are we wearing disguises? Can we be seen? We are ourselves. How fast is it? I have a ski mask on because i feel like wearing well yeah you always wear it's about it's like uh like five miles an hour it's a very it's not super it's not rapid it's just a nice it's a one percent downgrade five miles an hour

seems that's faster than i could like jog no it's not no it's not it is i'm not you can walk like not in great shape the fastest humans can sprint what like six miles an hour. The fastest humans can sprint, what, like 28 miles an hour? Sean, you're fine. Okay. All right. All right. You got five minutes. There's coolers.

It's definitely not in the water. You don't even feel it. Calm down. I could probably go five miles an hour. Yeah, because that's like five miles an hour. That's what, like a 12-minute mile? Yeah. Yeah, that's walking.

I guess. All right. There we go. Okay. Yeah. I need to be corrected sometime. There's a camper. There's floating coolers. There's Hawaiian., that's walking. I guess. All right. There we go. Okay. Yeah. I need to be corrected sometime. There's floating coolers. There's Hawaiian marijuana.

Oh, man. Okay. Flume in the ditch. Some kind of like coconut beverages. I'm going to write flume in the ditch. Flume in the ditch. I like that. I like flume.

I like that. Flume in the ditch. Flume and onion. Flume in the ditch sounds like something, if you were making a Disney movie about Hawaii, that'd be like a thing you would make up yeah Johnny whatever Johnny Tsunami

Johnny Tsunami you can't flume the ditch bro locals only watch me yeah dude Johnny Tsunami flume in the ditch flume in the ditch alright

I love it I'm all about that pick it's time for my first pick alright and with my first pick here's what again it's the it's the four of us. It's got to be. Yeah.

And what we're doing is we're going to an aquarium. Yeah. Yeah. And first of all, we're going to do all the dope aquarium stuff. We're going to go around. We're going to check all the- Oh, yeah. Can we touch the stingrays?

I love that. We can touch the stingrays. There's one of those. Yeah. You can put your hands in. We're eating frozen bananas. We're having a great time, right? And here those. Yeah, you can put your hands in. We're eating frozen bananas. We're having a great time, right? And here's the dope thing.

It's a weekday because we're playing hooky. So there's not kids ever. That's the best part about most of this stuff. There's maybe one field trip, but they're contained. We're just like, okay, we're going to time it so we're not around them. So it's kind of a casual day. Also, it's weekday shit, so they're not overly staffed, which opens the door for this, where a couple of us put on scuba gear and jump in one of the tanks. I love it.

And we just swim in one of the fucking tanks, and maybe it has a whale shark in it. I'm so excited. Is it one of those tanks with a tunnel where I could be standing and just see? Oh, yeah. Right, exactly. The glass tunnel. So while this aquarium montage music is playing, you know, like Sean and Zach, maybe you're walking through the tube,

you look up and it's David and I in scuba gear. Like waving. Waving to you. Chumming your hands. Yeah, and you guys are like, look out behind. We look behind, there's a shark. And then we do that. One of the kids is trying to tell their teacher,

there's humans in there and they're like, shut up, James. I mean, humans are allowed in there because they feed. But we're not allowed. We're not supposed to be in there. David has a camo wetsuit somehow. I got it from Realtree. You know what's fun is I still have my college ID in my wallet, even though I'm 36. So I got in for half price.

So we're all women. They believe me. We're all women. I mean, it says here you go to the University of South Dakota. Is there aquatic, like, camouflage? Like, ocean camouflage? Is that even a thing? Like, coral flush?

Well, what's interesting about the undersea world is that... Most things. It's pretty much everything. But light stops... Like, there's certain, like, colors of light that light that like will stop showing up the deeper you go. Is that why there's animals that look like they're rainbows when it's like pitch black? Those animals that look like they're like neon? No, I think those animals are bioluminescent, which means they have like electricity in their bodies.

Sort of like those angler fish and stuff? Yeah, and stuff like that. But what I'm saying is like I forget which colors it is, but like the rays that our eyes recognize as like pink. Yeah. It's like won't go deeper than, and all of this is, these numbers are wrong, but the general idea, they won't go past like 60 feet. So like pink just looks gray after 60 feet or something like that. Is that why wetsuits are all black and gray mostly? I think so.

Yeah. There's not a lot of flashy colors on them. Yeah. But it doesn't even matter. Yeah. You could commission a wetsuit though i would i would i would love it if you were in some some party camo yeah when you were a tuxedo it's all camouflage everything yeah fire camo snow camo water you can get water camo blue camo i told you i bought matching luggage it's camo i i my eyes

saw this luggage i've had matching camo luggage. Where do you think I got the game from? Yeah. Bridged down two years ago. Two years ago. I show up, I walk on the plane. And I was like, whoa, it floored me. Yeah.

David was drinking and he's like, he goes, he's like, let me see your computer. And he looked it up on my computer and he puts it in my lap. He's like, just buy it, dude. Like, it's 30 bucks. It's not just buy it. It was such a good deal. Imagine luggage as a flex, man. It was 60% off.

Yeah. I'm serious. You had to do it. You would have lost money if you didn't buy it. I did not buy it. I should have because now it's not 60% off anymore. Nope. It's back up to 80, 90 bucks or whatever.

Stupid fucking idiot, dude. Mistakes were made. Stupid. It's okay. It's okay. It's stupid, bro. Put your shirt on. See, I said it.

I'm stupid, bro. Damn. I don It's okay. It's stupid, bro. Put your shirt on. See? I said it. I'm stupid, bro. Damn. I don't like this. It's stupid, bro. Somehow Sean got 80 lit cigarettes and he's putting them all out on his leg. They spell Nicole. The aquarium, I think it's a fucking, it's a fun move. I love aquariums.

It's such a fun scene, too, of just like. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You can go see, like, it's funny to go on a weekend when you go into like the viewing room where the bleachers and the cashed out dads are just like

Jesus Christ just like sitting there also this is happening this isn't the beginning of the day this is happening in the middle of the day so there's definitely

a period where we sit in the theater and watch like Jacques Cousteau like a Jacques Cousteau for like 40 minutes yeah for like a long time I eat lunch there

I get like those aquarium hot dogs and like their weird aquarium slushie they got. I get it. Oh, yeah. You need a slush puppy. The great thing about an aquarium is it has none of the moral quandary of a zoo that some people have. I know.

No one has that hang up about an aquarium. Fish are fucking dumb. Yeah. Well, fish and they're just like, ah, whatever. I never thought that an aquarium. One less shark. I never ever have I thought that. Put the sharks back in.

You don't want to put whales in there. I'm not talking about putting like fucking Keiko the whale in one of these tanks. I did go to SeaWorld once. It was awesome. I went too. I loved it. If I'm being honest. I got one of those slushies sat in the front at the dolphin show.

Salt water all in my slushies. You know what you do? You get the margarita. That way the salt, nothing but an upgrade. I was nine. I wasn't on game yet. I get the margarita. That way, the salt, nothing but an upgrade. I was nine. I wasn't on game yet. I'd like a margarita for refills. Oh, yeah.

We find the one place that sells alcohol in this aquarium, and then we have ourselves. Yep. Then we really pet those secrets. Well, we just drink squid ink. Well, with my second pick, you're going to find out why we don't necessarily need to go get alcohol. Oh, okay. All right.

Because what we're doing right before the aquarium is a little, just maybe a couple hours at the beach. Oh, yes. We're going to the beach. Yeah. We're laying on the beach. We're drinking on the beach at a secret containers. Playing catch on the beach.

We're playing catch on it. We might jump in the water for a little bit. Got a sun hat on. Get a little sun kissed. Hang out on the beach, maybe get a little bit stoned, drink a little bit. Sure. Get kind of that beach tired that we love so much. That is the best kind of tired.

Yeah. Where you fall asleep for like 10 minutes, but it feels like two hours. But we're not there for four or five hours the way we usually do. We're just there for an hour, hour and a half, two hours. It's just like the kickoff. Just the kickoff. Yeah. I've never done that.

I've never kicked off the day with a small taste of the beach. Oh, man. We're doing it. We're just getting my day right there. It seems like a good idea, man. And while we're at the beach, we see the aquarium. Uh-huh. And we're like, oh, shoot, we've got to go to that aquarium.

It's right there. It's like a Jaws 3 scenario. It's sort of a Jaws 3 scenario. Yeah, it's your classic Jaws 3 scenario. Without the terror. Right. Well, no, I wouldn't say. Well, we're not finished, though.

We've still got three more picks. There probably won't be any terror, but I don't want to rule anything out. One of them is getting your hamstring bitten off by a hammerhead. Oh, man. So, yeah, just that classic beach shit that we came to love over the summer so much. Getting fresh fruit from the guy who. Buying fresh fruit from the fruit man. It really did.

That was, yeah. Thinking about those beach days this summer. Yeah. Yeah, with a little of the, just a sprinkling of it. Yes, sir. Just some bite. Yeah. Just because I love, I mean, if I'mling of it. Yes, sir. Just some bite. Yeah. Just because I love – I mean, if I'm having like my perfect day off, I want to be at the

beach with my boys for a little bit. Oh, dude. I'm right there. Wear loud shorts. Loud. Like those pink ones you got. Smoking loud, wearing loud. Yeah.

Living on the loud side of town. In a loud house, on the loud side of town. That was what I always felt like when I told people, because whenever people would be like, oh, where do you live in Hawaii? And you say, I live on Hawaii. You have to say the big island. And I always felt like people reacted like that,

where they're like, where do you live? I was like, I live on the big island. Yeah, on the big house. And you just fucking take in some air. Well, I'm excited to find out some other stuff about the big island, because it is time for your second pick. Yes, sir.

Okay, so second pick. So where we left off, right? We're fluming the ditch. Yeah. So we get to the end of the ditch. And by the way, like this just goes through like very rural areas. Like, like. What kind of areas?

Rural. You said like, you said a word that I didn't understand. It sounded like one that you rewind the tape, but it doesn't quite go. Rural. Like when the record stops. John's dead. It says John's dead. Is that a word that I didn't understand? It sounded like one that you rewind the tape, but it doesn't quite go. Like rural. Like when the record stops. John's dead. It says John's dead.

As soon as there's a DJ spin in the wedding and David goes, no, and then it goes, rural. Rural area. Rural areas. Real rural. Rural. Rural theater. So we jump on ATVs. Ooh.

Oh, shit. It's like a Pooties video. And by the way, so I'm just going to give you a little background. Big Island of Hawaii, 11 of the 13 possible climates on the earth. So we're going from Forest in the Ditch. All terrain vehicle. All terrain vehicle. We're going through the desert.

Getting muddy. There's a desert on the big island? Yes, sir. We're passing Fly High, which is where you domain. It's like a little desert town, but that's where they film Water World. Right on the coast there. Yeah, that's where we want to be. So we're passing that.

Yeah. And we're going to- That's where my brick and mortar is? Yes, sir. Okay, cool. And we're going to Wailea Beach, which is Beach 69. But the beach isn't the only thing. Beach 69?

Beach what now? Well, it was called Beach 69 because it was the mile marker. Okay, mile marker 69. And it was an off-road, no tourists ever went there. You had to have an ATV. I'm sorry. There's a sexual act

where a man and a woman go down on each other. it's a public beach, but it's so private that no one's ever there. Okay. And especially during the day, it tastes like koala,

no one's going to be around. It's secluded. But, what makes mine different than what Ian just picked is that we're doing, we're going, so this is the second pick. We're going from surf to snow because from the beach, we are going up to the summit of Mauna Kea, which if measured, including underwater,

it is the tallest mountain in the world. So there's snow up there. That's where there's observatories and we can do that within an hour and a half. Hell yeah. I'm not sure what to write down for this pic. Surf to snow. Okay, surf to snow. Man. Damn, Zach. So my stepdad once took

me and my little sister out of school, and that's what he did with us. The surf to snow. He was like, we're going to the beach, and then we're going to go get food, and then we're going to go up to Mauna Kea. Did you hang out at the beach? Yeah, we were there for like four hours. In this scenario. Sure.

How long do you think we're at the beach for? Maybe at the beach for like an hour and a half. Is that right around how long? I said we were at the beach. Interesting. Well, I'm making for time allowances. Mine's run down, my friend. I know.

I mean, that's the problem. Post-dated. Look at it. That's the problem. I wrote this in 1997. Zach's got this intricate plan. But like, you know, if I were the Dallas Cowboys and I picked Emmitt Smith and then another team, they're like, well, no, Emmitt's going to play for us.

I take Emmitt Smith, too, but I, they're like, well, no, Emmitt's going to play for us. I take Emmitt Smith too, but I also take this wide receiver. Surf to snow. So it's a little bit different. I feel like, I'm with Zach, I feel like surf to snow. Yeah. The snow. The snow is what makes it crazy. That almost feels like its own pick. I listen, for the

sake of the narrative, I'm obviously going to allow it. Don't you fight me on this. Just keep in mind, people, that I picked beach, and then the immediate next pick was the beach. And then going

to a second location. Well, the beach could have been part of the narrative. Maybe going to the snow is. The snow is how I see it. Okay, sure. So now the Lions is. Okay. I like the snow. The snow is how I see it. Okay, sure. The snow is the best way. There we go. So now the Lions pick Barry Sanders.

Right. Because Emmitt Smith was already drafted. Yeah, sure. So yeah, I get it. Well, they take Emmitt Smith and Barry Sanders. Sure. Yeah. What are we doing up in the snow? Well, you can do one of two things.

Okay. You can look at the stars. Oh, yeah. From the observatory, or you can take your chances sliding down very icy snow. I'll take my chances. Oh, yeah. Can you sled?

You can do a little sledding up there? You can do a little sledding. Colorado, baby. Yeah, I'll take my chances. Yeah, you can do sledding and like Clark Griswold going down there. I mean, especially if there's like a little bit of fresh powder, it'd probably be all right. Awesome.

What are you rocking, Toboggan? Pow, pow. Toboggan, we could take fireworks up there. Dude, what if I got like my- Oh, rocking? Toboggan? Pow pow. Toboggan? We could take fireworks up there. Dude, what if I got like my... Oh man, toboggan fireworks? Yeah. What if I got like my type A stick, like my brand new Dakine camo goggles and gloves? Yeah.

I just... A little bit of Hurley. Hit that cold smoke, maybe hit a boot or a wedge, gave Jesus a high five real quick, and then just got a bunny in the chalet, bro. What do you think about that? I love it. Sounds like a fucking tasty afternoon. I've never been so angry.

None of that is Hawaiian slang. Sounds like a crunchy, tasty afternoon. Whoa! Damn, who's that? Is that you? That's me, Hawaii Days. Everybody listening, picture. As it is an audio medium,

Zach is passing around a picture of him, which you have to post now. I think you should probably post. Absolutely. You've got to post it. When this drops tomorrow. Yeah, it's got to be your TBT. Young New Era God.

The Kind Days. The Kind Days. Young Surf to Snow God. Deck down in early. Young Surf to surf to snow god hey what's up oh you're are you kristin yeah i'm young surf to snow god you must be my tinder day surf to sconey dude surf to sconey surf to snow to snow to snow kitty surf to snow surf to snow ski to tiscani to snow anyway we'll figure that out david uh this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm going to hit you we're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick now 40 of people with

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Rules and restrictions may apply. Okay, surf to snow. David Borey, it is time for your second pick. Next one, very simple. We're all at some type of a buffet.

I like to think of it as like the king of seafood buffet over there on the sunset. Damn it. Sunset and two words, food fight! Oh, shit! Fucking food fight, dog!

You're going to start a food fight? Yes! All that shit! California rolls! Damn. Jell-O squares! Those macaroon cookies! Yeah.

Chicken wings! Oh, man. Just rice! Just handfuls of rice! Oh, yes! What I'm doing is walking right over to whatever kind of meatball they of rice what I'm doing is walking right over to whatever kind

of meatball they have and I'm taking the whole container out with a ladle and I'm fucking hucking meatball with people oh I like that

just dip fuck dip fuck yeah like a Gatling gun you're just like fanning the fucking

marinara that's for sure happening I'm like using the ladle like a highlight stick you understand and I'm reaching speeds of 80 miles an using the lay like a highlight stick, you understand? And I'm reaching speeds of 80 miles an hour with these meatballs.

Kind of like you've got to spin on it. Like a hop and a spin. Oh, there's English, yeah. The discus thing. You're doing the discus thing. People are trying to duck around corners, and I'm like, no, fucking no, you don't. Yeah, oh, yeah. And then there's like some English on it, and it goes, hits him around the corner.

Nowhere safe. Get stuck up in that beard. I love that shit. Your sauce stirs up in the beard. Who are we picking this fight with? Anybody? Everybody who's got us. Get stuck up in that beard. I love that shit. Sauce stirs up in the beard. Who are we picking this fight with? Anybody? Everybody's got us. They all lose. It's like it's going to be like the raid in that motherfucker.

We're just trying to get out. Oh, I love it. Another move that I'm into is grabbing one of you and we go over to the soft serve machine and we start making tiny little cones that you can sort of javelin at people. I like that. There's one guy it's like he's like in The Godfather. tiny little cones that you can sort of javelin at people. I like that. Funk, funk, funk, funk. There's one guy, it's like he's like in The Godfather. Yeah. Like he doesn't

know what's happening and everything slows down. What's great about an ice cream cone is weight-wise, you know it's going to land ice cream. Yeah, you kind of know what you're getting into. It's a good weapon. You know what I'm doing? I'm taking the to-go cups and chocolate milk, and I'm

just doing chocolate milk bombs on people. Grenades. Open cups. Like Molotovs? Splash! Yeah. You know what I'm doing? I'm getting a little bit of string and tying two crab legs together. Nunchucks. Oh, shit! He's got crab chucks! You might be actually murdering people, dude! That is fucking nasty!

You're trying to really take... That's a real fight, though. Zach's trying to hurt someone. That's taking it to the streets. That's like, the crab is a creature of defense. Crab chucks. And you're turning it into a weapon. Dungeness. Dungeness, dude. The big ones.

Oh my God, those Dungeness chucks. Yeah, that would fuck some people up. Crab chucks, bruh. Crab chucks. So buck. Yeah, man. I've just, my whole life, I've always wanted to get into a food fight. I feel like there was a lot of-

Have you ever been in one? No, man. I was whole life, I've always wanted to get into a food fight. Have you ever been in one? No, man. I was in one once in middle school. I've thrown stuff at my brother, and my mom freaked out. We had food fights in the Carmel household a couple times. Whoa. Yeah. That's so cool.

We used to do this thing where we would arm wrestle at lunch, and we'd put mashed potatoes on either side. So the loser got their hand smashed in mashed potatoes. Wow. And it happened one time where the kid that lost didn't take too kindly to it so he just picked up all the shit and just whipped it across the table and then 30 seconds later 300 kids were all just freaking out going nuts like out of a movie it only lasted for like 20 seconds how do we all get everyone in trouble properly do you you don't know they were just like we stopped and then everybody i think like six of us got in

trouble nice man in high school it's all it takes is if one person just stands up and throws something, it's on. It's like. Because that's who's going to get in trouble. That's not how it was for me. I've been in a lot of rock fights. Not nearly as cool. I haven't been in a rock fight.

I've been in a Roman candle fight. Yeah, I've done that for sure. I've been in snowball fights. I've been in pebble jousts.'ve done that snowball fights i've been in pebble jousts pebble jousts a pebble a little more dignity than a rock fight a little bit excuse me sir i throw it at their shin food fight at a buffet man that would be fun yeah i think it would be awesome it would just be it would be so cool and in a golden fight with your friends in a golden corral that's what i think that's what i picture when i think of a buffet yeah it's just

so funny sounding because they have i really I picture when I think of a buffet. Yeah, it's just so funny sounding. I really want, the reason I think of that King Seafood is because they have all those California rolls and the crappy sushi. And I think sushi is just the perfect food for throwing. It's weighted well. It's a discus. It's weighted well. It'll explode on impact.

It fits right in your fingers. You can kind of whip it. Yeah, you can sidearm it. But yeah, you can also just like throw it. You know, who knows? Maybe I brought a slingshot in. Who knows? Maybe I'm slingshotting grapes.

Do we? I feel like in this situation, we all have to end up having each other's back. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. I want us almost like, here's how I see it, is like, we are, everybody's outside, and we're in the middle of the book. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Our backs all connected. Yeah, our backs to each other. Like young guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like young guns. see it is like we are everybody's outside and we're in the middle of the book. Our backs all connected.

Like young guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like young guns. Lord of the Rings in there. We're like one of you just shooting arrows. Oh yeah, that's you with the ice cream cones. Ghostbusters? Really slow-mo? In the court scene, possibly? Could be a Ghostbusters ref.

I think it would be incredible. That's fucking awesome. Sean Jordan, it's time for your second and then your third picks. My second pick is going to be... Oh, as it is. What time did you wrap it up? God damn. A serpentine draft.

Everyone is probably so confused. God, they don't get what's going on. They have no idea. They're like, why didn't Sean go right after Ian? Why did he do it twice in a row back there? It is a serpentine. That's why. Everybody.

What the hell does that mean? I think this boils down to when I fucked it up at the beginning. We went off road. We never got back on the road. A hundred percent. Don't put the cigarette out on your arm or anything. Don't lose it. It's like if you were, let's say you were at work pacing back and forth, thinking about

how elementary your picks are. And you were just nervous that all of your friends were going to have way bucker picks than you do. And so far they have. It's kind of like that, just kind of back and forth. That's how the draft goes. So it's like a horseshoe. One second you're at the vending machine.

Yeah. And then one second you're at the water cooler getting a skull butt from Keith. Then you go back to the vending machine because you want some Chex Mix. I get it. Then you go back because you're like, I didn't actually get water. I was just talking to Keith for a second. Okay. Well, Keith will go on.

Keith's the rapper, man. God, he's dope. Keith is cool. I need to bring his CDs on and shout him out. Anyway, I will. CDs nuts. CDs second pick. I didn't even hear it. I'm just over here.

So my second pick, CDs nuts. Yeah, I'll see those nuts. I'll see those nuts and raise him a pick over here. I don't have a narrative or I'm not going linear or anything. I feel like I'm just kind of playing by it. So my second pick is we all go to the airport and we do the whole, I'll take the next flight out. Whoa.

Oh, that's dope. And we just go wherever the next flight goes. So it could be going. Just like go up to the Delta counter, like give me what's next. We just go wherever the next flight goes. So it could be going. Just like go up to the Delta counter, like, give me what's next. Wow. You just go, you walk up and you're like, I'm going. So it could be Reykjavik that we go to. Or it could be Tulsa.

So we don't know. And I feel like the four of us together would just have a good time. I think so. Wherever we ended up. I think we could turn out Tulsa, but I'm pulling for Reykjavik. Yeah, Reykjavik would be way more fun. Oh, for sure. I mean, we might even get to go to like Ibiza or something like that.

Ibiza, I think. Barcelona. We could end up in Barcelona. What if we're in Ciudad Juarez all of a sudden? Then it's getting bummed out. Well, yeah, they're like, actually, it's going to the Mexican side of Juarez. It's going to Bogota. That is the United.

It's going to Bogota. Well, cool. That's where I wanted to go anyways. Bogota. I got some business to handle in Bogota. Cocaine business. I already have cocaine in my body. Man.

I feel like if you did that, I like the pic. I wonder if you did that at the airport, if they'd be like- The look on their face. They'd be like, so what do you mean? It'd be like, tell me the next flight that I can make. What's the next flight I can make? Yeah. Get through security.

They would do it. Because I went to an airport one time and we went to all the counters and we were just like, we have to get to Colorado today. Yeah. And we went to all the counters. And this was in Alabama and we saw who was the cheapest. Yeah. So I feel like they would.

Yeah. And especially without somewhere to go, just like. I've never bought a ticket at the airport. It is so expensive. I saw Fudge do it one time. It was insane. Wow. Yeah. He missed his flight do it one time. It was insane. Wow.

He missed his flight like pretty on purpose. Right. He was just, I think we were at Zach's house. He's like, yeah, I'll just get the next one. And then we got there and he just bought a flight. Wow. Like it was a fucking pack of gum. What a flex.

Yeah. I don't know that I'll ever do that. Hopefully I'll never do that. But if I blow up hard enough, then we will all go to... When you've called in sick to whatever, Goldman Sachs? Goldman Sachs. When I called in sick because I'm the new host of... When you called in sick to the Moesha reboot? Oh, man.

It's all why Moesha, dude. It's a fantasy factory, but they still call it Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory. Sean Jordan's Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, but they still call it Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory. Sean Jordan's Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory. Next flight out. Excellent. And your third pick? Next flight out. Third pick is going to be...

It's not going to the beach. We're going to a lake. And we're going to do... We're going to get those weird jet pack things that float you like 15 feet all over the place. Oh, shit! you like 15 feet oh yeah that look like they'd be crazy hard to control but so fun that would just be textbook like yeah i want to do that today i'll never do it any other day there's no lines there's no there's

no one to see me doing terribly fuck yeah that would be so fun i was looking up those jet packs because i i was like trying to research like do they have to be connected to a boat? And they do, right? Or some kind of sort of dock? There's like a hose, right? There's something in the water that pumps through a hose that goes out of the propulsion system and that's how it goes up. Right. It's not just air.

It's like water. Yeah. So you have to, yeah, that hose has to stay in the water, right? So you can only get like 20 feet up or something. That's about as high as I need to get. Exactly. I bet it's like water. Yeah. So you have to, yeah, that hose has to stay in the water, right? So you can only get like 20 feet up or something. But also, I bet it's so hard. And over a lake, you're just seeing everything underneath you. And you're just in the, it's badass. Yes.

Maybe there's one of those giant inflatable trampolines in the middle of the lake. Oh, sure. Maybe there's the blob me and Ian launched you and Zach. Yeah. Maybe we're playing two-on-two basketball with us. Whoa, with the jetpack things on? Oh, jetpack basketball. On a rocket jock loop?

You heard it here first. 2018, the future is coming. If I see anybody playing jetpack basketball except for us, they owe us $4,500. They owe us $4,500. Patent pending. It's a fair amount. It's a standard amount. I didn't work six years in an intellectual property firm to have this get out of my hands.

Yeah, you didn't know we had Zach like that? Yeah, Zach worked in an intellectual property firm. Jetpack Skidball. I.P. Jetpack Skidball. Jetpack Skidball. My nickname in college. Jetpack Skidball.

Jetpack Skidball. We can call it sport and it still be great. Yeah, there it is. Trey Pick. I love that. Yeah, that's fantastic yeah that's fantastic maybe you hook up with international waters oh yeah i mean we're up above we're in the air we can see him yeah you can fly right over the lake david's just leading us home you only you only see him if he wants to be seen don't say my name there's no david here yeah mr international player you International You got a lake passport? Me, I'm just a regular guy

You call him David, he's like I don't know who you're talking about, but then he disappears But in a way that makes you feel scared Because David died with all my long pants I can't wait until I can say that With all my non-camel shorts David, it's time for your third pick. So this is something I heard that they do in Portland.

I've never actually done this. We'll be able to tell you immediately. Stripper karaoke. Yeah, 100%. I want a stripper karaoke, that Roy Orbison song. Which one? Anything you want. You got it.

Anything at all. You got it. Anything at all. You got it. But just like real classy. Yeah, and I want it to start quiet. I'm like, I don't know if I want to do stripper karaoke. You guys are like, get up there. Get up there. And then I just let loose the voice of an angel.

And you just got the orb of surprise. It's not even sexy dancing. It's just like modern dance. You know what I mean? You're moving. No, they're stripping to my... Right, right. I thought you were talking about yourself.

Like you were dancing as well. I'm glistening, but I'm not really. I'm standing still, but I'm bright. I almost see you in this in a, you're wearing a suit top and a button nail shirt with shorts. Yeah. Like linen shorts. Like knife shorts. Yeah. Like linen shorts. Like knife shorts. And then like some of those fancy leather sandals.

Yes. Like the salamander sandals. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Sure. Yeah. And just Roy Orbison and just like epic though. And just that song, you know what I mean?

People are throwing you some dollars. And they say, mercy! And they all go, ooh! Oh, yeah. I just think it would be so fun. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty straightforward. One of these days, you'll get up there, and we can do that.

So they really do that? Stripper Oak is real. Yeah. Gosh, I've always wanted. I think it would be so. And by the way, I'm not discriminating. In my head, it's men and women strippers. Whoever wants to dance to it.

Whoever. The voice of an angel shouldn't be limited to one gender. No, man. So we got banana hammocks and we got G-Streams. Just shaking in unison. And Roy Orbison, kind of a classy song. Oh, yeah. Maybe I even got the Roy Orbison glasses on.

I don't know. It's also a little bit of a stripper anthem. Like, anything you want, you got it. Yep. Yeah. Classy. Classy. Anything at all, you got it. yeah classy anything at all you got it anything

anything you need roy orbison not a beautiful man no but i think he's coming back by the way i hope ugly's coming i think sheeran is ugly ed sheeran is ugly he's not yeah he's not pretty and ed sheeran handles it i imagine handles yeah oh yeah oh yeah. And he fucking parties, too. He does. He's always talking about getting wasted doing shots in the back of the bar. Who else is ugly? Michael Shannon's pretty ugly. Yeah, Michael. No, Michael Shannon's. Yeah.

I don't know if he's ugly, dude. There's not a ton of ugly dudes killing it right now. You don't know if Michael Shannon's ugly? Lonzo Ball's ugly? Lonzo Ball is. He's like legit ugly. Marcellus showed me this tweet. It said, Lonzo Ball looks like if you told an eighth grader to draw Drake.

Well, that is damn hilarious. He is ugly, but he doesn't own it. I want like a big. We shot a thing with Zac Efron. Oh, perfect. I was in New York last weekend. We were shooting a crosswalk to the musical. It'll come out tomorrow night on The Late Late Show if you want to watch it.

Or tonight when you're listening to this. With Hugh Jackman, Zendaya, and Zac Efron. All amazingly talented people. Zac Efron, not ugly. Oh, my God. I know. I can tell. Oh, my God.

He looks perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. I had to watch Baywatch for work, and I was like, he's keeping me here. He's keeping me here. He is a hot piece of ace. It's bananas. What about Jackman?

Oh, the huge Jackman. Yeah. The huge Jackman, also beautiful. We've known that for years. And what a fucking guy. Really? What a nice guy. He's a pistol?

That's awesome. Don't you like hearing that? You couldn't ask for a nicer dude. So engaging and like forthright. Love hearing it. I never dropped the word forthright, but he's forthright. Just like a sweet dude. Doesn't he come from a musical theater background?

I'm assuming. He's a two-time Tony winner, David. So I feel like he'd be really fun. Yeah. Spicy. Awesome. Yeah, you put him together with Jimmy James C David. So I feel like he'd be really fun. Yeah. Spicy. Awesome. Yeah, and you put him together with Jimmy Jams Corden. Shout out to James Corden.

Jim Jam. On the birth of his third child. Woo! Congrats. Our guy Jimmy from the old UK. Fucking killing it. But yeah, those two together. What a handful.

I met Derek Jeter. I can't believe I've been sleeping in all this info. I'm sorry to drop this in the middle of the group. That's right. That's right. Derek Jeter and who else in the same group? Molly Ringwald. Molly Ringwald.

What a day. Now, after you met Derek Jeter, did he have a nice basket for you and maybe a car service? I didn't get the full juice treatment. We were at, so Thursday we had rehearsal all day. Sure. Rehearsal all day. And we went to me, Gordon and our boy Louie who you might recognize

from this podcast, the inventor of the shaklakity and we went to this place called Soho House which is a chain of like exclusive clubs. They're not that exclusive. Anyway, whatever. They're kind of douchey but like when you're a famous person it's nice because you can go somewhere and not be

hassled which I guess is why Corden likes it. Okay. And we went there, and they put us in this booth, and we were just ordering the whole menu, which was awesome. And sitting across from us, there was this dude. I'm like, that's fucking Derek Jeter. James, that's Derek Jeter. And he's like, that's not Derek Jeter. I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's Derek Jeter.

If you even think it's Derek Jeter. I'm pretty sure that's Derek Jeter. And he's like, that's not Derek Jeter. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure that's Derek Jeter. If you even think it's Derek Jeter. I'm pretty sure that's Derek Jeter. I mean, I had to imagine it looked exactly like Derek Jeter. It looked exactly like, but then he got in my head, because he's a little pudgier now than when he was playing. And he's like, that's not Derek Jeter. So I'm like, ah, it's not Derek Jeter.

Why not? You're in a nice place in New York. Right. But he talked me into it. But eventually I was like, dude, that's Derek Jeter. Lo and behold, Derek Jeter comes over. Oh, shit. He was like, dude, that's Derek Jeter. Lo and behold, Derek Jeter comes over. Oh, shit. He introduces himself.

Hi, I'm Derek Jeter. To James? To James. That's awesome. Big fan of the show. What'd you do? I was like, I fucking told you, dude. I think I said that while Derek Jeter was standing there.

I was like, what's up, Jeets? And because I'm a gropey Yankee fan. And also at his table, Harold Reynolds. You guys remember Harold Reynolds? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. He's a second baseman for the Mariners. And he was from Corvallis.

Oh, really? So he's an Oregonian, too. All right, all right. We traded numbers. So now me and Harold Reynolds are texting each other about Oregon Duck football. OK. So now I'm like boys with Harold Reynolds. OK.

Whoa. And he played with both Griffies. With both Griffies. And he's a fucking. He played with both Griffies? Yeah. Griffys. And he's a fucking, he was both Griffys? Yeah. He's on like the MLB network. He's not on Twitter, which is a move I respect for like an older gentleman of means.

Yeah. And so we met Jeets and we met Harold Reynolds and they were both fucking tight as fuck. And then Molly Ringwald was there? And then we went to a second bar, like this theater bar, and we start goofing around with this table. There's a theater bar? There also was a theater bar, man, because it's like Broadway. Oh, yeah.

So they're like these bars that you go to after shows, but we're tucked in the back. And we're like goofing around with this table across from us. There's like a wall with like a bunch of pictures of dogs on it. And we're like, yeah, those are all the dogs that Eddie Murphy owned. Just bullshit with people. And there's this table of like old Jewish ladies and one redhead lady and one like dude in his early 20s sitting across from us. We start chopping it up with them. And then James leans over and he's like, I think that's Molly Ringwald.

And I'm like, man, if you say so, dude. And it was. So then we met Molly Ringwald. And she was awesome. That's crazy. And I found out. And then we'll get back to the draft. Sorry to drop this in the middle of it.

of the draft. Sorry to drop this in the middle of it. Katie Nolan, who had that show Garbage Time on Fox Sports, now she works for ESPN. She's fucking awesome. She listens to our podcast. That's insane. Shout out to Katie Nolan. If you made it this far into this podcast.

I mean, this has been a day. We are, yeah. We're talking. Yeah. What up We're talking. Yeah. What up, Katie Nolan? What's up, girl? Thank you for listening to the podcast.

That's so tight. I'm such a big fan. Same here. Fellow Emmy nominee, although she won hers. Hey, hey, she still got nominated too. Listen, but we're both nominated. I like to think of us both as Emmy nominees. You know, I read something on Twitter the other day. Yeah.

You go to the gym every day. Every day. Even with a gout. I saw that. Absolutely. I saw that and I was flabbergasted. Flabbergasted? Yeah, yeah.

Flabbergasted. Zach Toscani, it's time for your third pick. Yes, sir. Is that what it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll pep it up. Zach won't because he wrote a novel. Where do we leave off, you're wondering?

You're going to go back to the mountain, back to the summit of Mauna Kea. What's the next move? You asked me. What can we do up there? Guess what we're doing. We're fucking paragliding off the mountaintop. Yes.

Yes. This is a Fugees video. You're directing Fugees. This is how they got. The trade winds take us. The trade winds. The trade winds take us. I have never in my life been impacted by trade winds before.

On the leeward side. Zach just got out of the Dust Bowl. He's talking about the trade winds take us. The trade winds? The trade winds take us. I have never in my life been impacted by trade winds before. On the leeward side. Zach just got out of the Dust Bowl. He's talking about the trade winds. Trade winds. Take us over the taste of koala. Everything looks great. Oh, we can see it. From below.

But they don't know. But we have monorockets in our backpacks with letters saying, hey, we're having a great time. Oh, okay. We shoot them down to our ladies. Yes. With letters saying, hey, we're having a great time. Oh, okay. We shoot them down to our ladies.

Yes. See that first one again. And then you did the first one again. But where are we going, you ask? Yeah, wherever the trade winds take us. No, we have a specific destination. Detonation. Destination. We are going to the Ala Moana Mall

in Honolulu. It's an outdoor four-level mall. We paraglide from the Summit of the Mountain to the mall. It's an outdoor mall. It's got canals. It's got pools. We can get poke there. Sean can get chicken tenders.

Can you sell parachutes? Because I would love if they had a Play It Again Sports where I'm like, yeah, I'm going to sell you this parachute. Honestly? I'm just going to throw my parachute in the air. I'm going to give it back to the trade winds. So we can just, we just like, maybe we just land on the beach and just lay him there. Perfect landing.

How close is it to the beach? 600 miles. Oh, the mall? No, it's like probably like five blocks perfect yeah i'm in it's right there i could walk five blocks with two broken ankles which is what would happen if i was ever on a parachute yeah we're all perfectly we're at our perfect levels of intoxication no i want to be all right okay yeah we're all healthy riding the trade winds. Yes. Oh, and by the way, while we're going to Oahu, we all see something. And we don't talk about it.

But we see this off in the distance when we're traveling over the ocean. Red surfboard. White shorts. Someone paddling. Could it be Eddie Aikau? We don't know. Whoa. We don't know.

Whoa. But we never talk about it. The ghost of Eddie Aikau? We see it, but we never say anything. Is this going to come up again later? No, no, no. No, no. That's it.

Wow. Just a little, you know, you put a little mysticism in there. Sure. Mysticism. Mysticism? Rural. Mysticism. Paragliding to the Ala Moana Mall.

Yes. Great. Ala Moana. What kind of stores to the Ala Moana Mall. Yes. Great. Ala Moana. What kind of stores does the Ala Moana Mall have? Everything I'm looking for? Everything you're looking for. Fuck. They got a hat store?

Oh, they got a Lids. They've got other places. How many places? I don't know other hat stores. We saw an out of business Lids the other day. And it was such a bummer to see. Out of Lidsness dude were they not doing well or did david roll in and just wipe out the stock

we left flowers let me get six different kinds of stingray hats i like to re-up on hats i might have your pittsburgh pirates hat i think you do because i don't have it yeah i got it hey lids send, Lids, send us some hats, too. Why don't you? Lids! Oh, yeah, they did send me some hats. Lids, get on it. Alright. Well, I mean, get nominated for a fucking Emmy. I can't. Cincinnati is too big. I can't. I can't do it. I'm trying. I can't. Lids, help me out.

I can't. I'm just trying to date an Emmy. I'm just trying to deal with a brain bucket. You give me a brain bucket, I'll do it. I'm so stupid. I wish I could. I'm a fucking idiot. Lids! Taco Bell, Old English. Paragon to the Ala Moana Mall. Yes. I'm with it. Oh,. Taco Bell, Old English. Paragon to the Ala Moana Mall. Yes. I'm with it.

Oh, by the way, everyone at Cutty Sark. Let's keep this campaign going. I'm trying. Get the guy. Get the guy a bottle. Let's get everybody involved. Every AFV fan. You don't need to vend most money. We're not looking for hookups.

No, no, no. What we are looking for is for you to tweet at Cutty Sark. Yeah. You have a Twitter account. You've got 35 seconds. Tell him to make David Boy this box. You know how many fucking bottles of Cutty Sark I've seen the bartender dust off because people haven't ordered it in such a long time? There might be a little dust on the bottle.

Don't let it fool you about what's inside. There it is. That's a commercial. If you haven't seen how he's sitting. That's a country music song. Is it really? Yeah. Might be a little dust on the bottle, but don't let it fool you about what's inside.

Country music loves that easy metaphor. Yeah. They like that easy metaphor. I like it. I do too. I'm fine with it. I don't even work that hard. They like that easy metaphor.

Sometimes it's like, shut up, cannabis. I just want to know how you feel about the world. The door may squeak, but it still opens. Oh, you're talking about you? Cool. The sheets are dirty, but they're on a bed.

My truck's rusty, but a truck's clean. Yeah, the dog's old, but he still fetches the paper. Dog will hunt. All right, time for my third and fourth pick, as it is a serpentine.

Sure. With my third pick, we're going to have to eat at some point, for God's and fourth pick, as it is a serpentine. Sure. With my third pick, we're going to have to eat at some point, for God's sake. Oh, my fucking... Can't eat food fight food. With my first one, I'm opening it up with food. And in my head, it's the Din Tai Fung in Glendale. But really, it could be any dim sum restaurant.

Okay. And why we're doing dim sum is because all those places are so fucking jacked on saturdays and sundays when you go in and i love dim sum but i can't get a fucking table at one of these places on a sunday you walk in you're like carmel for three and they're like great come back in four hours yeah the hell kind of schedule for four hours and eat some other stuff that's like three meals for me you know i'm not trying to wait that long so we go to dim sum we roll through with the crew and we just i'm just ordering off i'm like give me the whole menu oh i love it give me the whole menu i mean this might not resonate with

everybody but i this is my dad you had dim sum though yeah if you haven't go get dim sum yeah i was i was uh dim sum small i was in the dark on the dim sum world until ian i think you and Shane and I went out one day after leaving the ashtray department. Went all the way over to 82nd, got dim sum. I was a little skeptical because it didn't look like my particular cup of tea. And then boy was it. Oh, she's a bunch of snacks. You dim sum, you lose some, you know. We dim sum them all.

The Carmel family is that we're the Mannings of dim sum quarterbacking. I love that. My father is Archie Manning. I learned it from him, and I am the Peyton Manning of dim sum quarterbacking. You get me in there. So is your brother Eli? No, there's no Eli in this situation. I'm also Eli.

We get in there because I learned it right from Ivan Carmel. Straight from the top. Yeah, and then we get in there. Just using your six years. I'm the quarterback of white guy dim sum. Let me just say that. Because I'm not getting us chicken feet. I'm not interested.

I'm sure it's delicious. I don't need the super weird shit. But I'll get the shrimp cakes. The pork buns. All the shumai. We got the pork buns. I usually stay away from the pork buns, but I know when I need to feed my tight end.

I want them right now. If I want them to block, I got to give them the ball a couple times. So there'll be some pork buns, but I know when I need to feed my tight end. I want them right now. If I want them to block, I got to give them the ball a couple times. So there'll be some pork buns on the table. Getting the short ribs. Dim Sum Quarterback. I'll take you guys out to Dim Sum, and we will have- I'm down. I love Dim Sum.

Small portions will be the furthest thing from your mind. That table will be full. I loved- Yeah, it's so great. It's like eating a bunch of snacks. Yeah. We went to Dim Tai Fung and topped it off with a smoothie. I got a smoothie be full. I loved, yeah, it's so great. It's like eating a bunch of snacks. Yeah. We went to Din Tai Fung and topped it off with a smoothie.

I got a smoothie to go. Smoothie, dude. Damn. It was tight. On the way out. Yeah. Ivan was pressed. He's like, get a fucking smoothie.

What are you doing? I was like, all right, I'll get a fucking smoothie. Ivan calling all the shots and then I believe let me pay for it. A very Ivan Carmel maneuver. A very Ivan Carmel maneuver. A very Ivan Carmel maneuver.

I believe honored me with the bill. I think let me, after ordering everything and telling everyone what was up, making Sean get a smoothie to go. Pressuring me into a smoothie. You're going to pick this up? All right. I guess I will. As I've had a decent job for three years compared to you being a lawyer for the better part of three and a half decades.

I guess I'll pick this bill up. That's what makes him such a good lawyer. It is. Yeah. He got you, dude. That's how you stay rich. Got one over on you. I'm getting all that money eventually anyway.

It's fine. My face. That's the voicemail you leave for him every day. I told him that. I'm actually going to tell him that the next meal. I'm taking him to a Blazer game. That'll be fun. Yeah. Oh, my face. I was laughing a lot right there. So we dim some, we lose some.

And then... Pick four. So I can't pick straight. What I was going to pick, well, I mean, Zach went to the mall, and'm not about to like take just the mall again i mean that's on all of our unless you want to do a mall and something well we're going to the mall we can we can do a mall walk but we're there with a very specific goal okay all right and it's the whole crew all right yeah so the reason we're at the mall is because we're going to going to be going to one of those family portrait studios yes yes uh-huh shots we're going to glamour shots

and we're getting a goddamn glamour shot taken oh shit we're getting that old west photo we're getting the old one we're getting like four or five looks we're getting the old west photo it's like all like like pastel blue bubbles in the back. We're doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the background, crazy pic.

We're just getting like four or five crazy looks. Laser beams in the back just kind of going every which way. And before we go there, we're stopping at JCPenney

to buy some sweaters because we're doing a sweater picture there too. Oh, yes. Maybe like a Randy Quaid Dickie situation from National Lampoon. Sure, absolutely.

Yeah, you got to get Dickie. We're just going to have a lot of different looks. And by the way, I think this is something we should actually do. I would love to do that. Ioon? Sure, absolutely. Yeah, you got to get Dickie. We're just going to have a lot of different looks. And by the way, I think this is something we should actually do. I would love to do that. I'm way down with that. Yeah. I think the first All Fantasy Everything merch.

An AFE calendar of Glamour Shots. We own AFE calendar. Oh, my gosh. Dude, we could do like postcards. We could just do postcards and send them to random people. Yeah. That would be great. Tweet us if you'd like that.

Yeah. I think we go in. I think we go to Glamour Shots and we hold references. You know what I mean? Yes. One of the bottle of Cuddy's Arc. Sean has like a bean burrito, you know? Oh, that would be so funny. I like, I know, because they would let that ride.

There's no way they'd be like, you can't have that Cuddy's Arc. All right, but I guess you will do no business today. Yeah, I'm the first person to bring whiskey to this gym. Listen, guess you will do no business today. Portrait studio in a mall. I'm the first person to bring whiskey to this. Listen. Photography suite. Okay. Okay.

Yeah, sure. Listen, ma'am. I said jars of piss on the podcast. I'm not happy with it either. But this is the prop I have. Here it is. Jars of piss. I have to do it.

It's like a hard R version of jars of clay. I'm sorry. Ma'am. I'm sorry. Ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am. Melinda, calm down. Ma'am. I apologize, ma'am. I know it doesn't seem glamorous now.

All right, Toscana, we have paraglided to the Ala Moana Mall. Yes. Now where are we off to? So now we're on the island of Oahu. Oh. Oh. All right. Right?

Oh, we paraglided from Hawaii to Oahu. Is that possible? How far is that? Well. I don't care if it's possible. Yeah, yeah. We're on Oahu. I do want to know, though.

I mean, a plane ride, it's probably like 20 minutes. So no. No, you're going from the top of a volcano. OK. All right. Yeah. I said I'd love that. And the trade winds.

I mentioned those, right? The trade winds. Did I mention those, David? You did. You did bring up it. I forgot about the trade winds. And Eddie would winds. I mentioned those, right? The trade winds. Did I mention those, David? You did. You did bring up it. I forgot about the trade winds. And Eddie would go, so. Yeah, yeah.

As a crow flies A to B. So anyway, we're drowning in the ocean. I'm flopping around. Okay. So even if the paraglides don't make it, we land on a fishing boat. They take us the rest of the way. I think we land in Oahu. What's up?

Okay. Perfect. So now we're on Oahu. We go ahead. We wander around. We go to the Pearl Harbor Memorial. Oahu. But then guess what?

What's that? Does that submarine? Is that submarine door open? What? It does. And we just go ahead and walk into that submarine. Now we're going on a submarine. And now we're underwater.

We can see kind of maybe the ruins of the battle because I don't think they picked up everything. The USS Arizona? Yes. Which are probably like coral reefs now. That's extremely interesting. Yes. I love submarines.

We're in a submarine. I've always wanted to go on a submarine. I mean. I've never been on one, but you know. They got one that's just sitting in the bay on the Willamette River. The USS Blueback. It was from the movie The Hunt for Red October. It's a decommissioned diesel naval submarine. Wow. It is.

I have yet to be decommissioned. I'm waiting. I'm trying to get recommissioned. I'm too young for this shit. Man, I'm too young for this shit. Man, I'm too young for this shit. But yeah, just like, just submarining. I don't know. No, that's cool.

It doesn't need to be anything else. Because now we've flown above the water, and now we're below the water. God, you're taking us on a journey. Yes, sir. It's like a movie. And I even got into the fifth pick. No, you haven't. No, you haven't.

We're submarining. We're submariners. Submariners. David, it. It's like a movie. And I even got into the fifth pick. No, you haven't. No, you haven't. We're submarining. We're submariners. Submariners. David, it's time for you for your fourth pick. So this one is real inside baseball. When I was a kid, I used to live in an apartment

in Federal Way, Washington called Appian Way. There was an ice cream man who lived there. Real dickhead, right? Just a fucking jerk. Always charged inconsistent prices. He was just a dickhead. right? Just a fucking jerk. Always charged inconsistent prices. He was just a dickhead.

Low quality individual. Low quality dude, right? One day. Low quality dude. Blah, blah, blah. He caught me and this kid trying to sneak into his ice cream truck. True. Screaming us through rocks and us.

We had to run away. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I always thought it would be cool to bring back a group of my friends, distract him, steal the ice cream truck, and then go through the neighborhood giving out free ice cream to all the kids he fucked over. Hell yeah. I love it.

Redistribute that ice cream back, dude. Share that ice cream well. Just drive all the way, playing our own songs. We're bumping beats, you know what I mean? I don't care what you want. You want chips? You want those weird Mexican candies with the salt all over them?

Chili candy? Whatever, dude. I feel like the song Alright by Supergrass is playing during this. Which one is that? How does it go? It's like, we are young. We are free. Yeah. Yeah.

Feel alright. From Clueless, right? Yeah, it's on Clueless. I want that. I also want Forever Young by free yeah man we all feel alright from Clueless right yeah it's on Clueless I want that I also want Forever Young by Jay-Z oh hell yeah

and we're just tossing them oh man fucking strawberry shortcase bar like a dairy trickle down yeah

SpongeBob you got that baseball club with the bubblegum baseball in it all that shit just giving it back driving slow and all the kids are like did you see did you see what David did oh they did it with the bubblegum baseball in it. All that shit. Just giving it back.

Driving slow. And all the kids are like, did you see? Did you see what David did? Oh, they did it! Because they know. It's like Robin Hood. And even some of the kids are like,

my brother, he's still indoors. And you just throw him like a rocket pop. You got five bomb pops. Just throw them out like quills from a porcupine. They just go to five different kids right in their hand. And those kids, they talk about that day forever. Oh, yeah. They get jobs because of that day.

They get careers because of that day. Because you made them realize. It's one of all of the dreams because they realize anything is possible. 15 years down the road, there's a TED Talk about David Bowie. No, we're all there, though. We're all throwing. We're all doing. Oh, yes. Because even stealing the thing, I imagine us having some convoluted funny plan.

You know what I mean? I think what happens is Zach kills the guy. Zach kills the guy. He's a slave in Zach's chick play in hell. And what's crazy is I only whispered in his ear. Some of that Hannibal Lecter shit. Yeah, I don't know. He just killed himself.

Zach loaded him and he died. Oh, man. But yeah. Zanzibar. The free ice cream truck. I've thought about that. Wow. I fucking love that.

And maybe somehow there's just like the beat. There's just a little bit better of an ice cream beat instead of the regular ice cream truck jingle. Oh, I think we've hooked up. I think we oxcorded. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Okay.

Or somebody laid down a beat that's like perfect with the ice cream song. Well, ice cream paint job. Ice cream. The Gucci Mane joint? Yeah. Ice cream paint job. How's it go? That's not a Gucci Mane.

Who is it? That's like Dero or something like Dero, right? I think it's like OJ the Juice Man or something. Ice cream paint job. Ice cream paint job. Yeah. Paint. Candy on the.

How's it go? Cream on the inside. Clean on the outside. Ice cream. Yeah. Dero. Ice cream paint job. candy on the how's it well cream on the inside clean on the outside yeah that's yeah darrow ice cream paint job i was listening to that in the denver airport one time for like an hour just walking around be like i'm the shit yeah buddy i'm rolling like a big shot chevy tuned up like a nascar pit stop fresh paint job check fresh inside check is the outside frame in the trunk

wide yes are the rims big? What? Do it right. Good. Good. Lean it back right hand on the pine wood. Cream on the inside. Clean on the outside. Yeah. Anyway, that song, dude.

Yeah. That song's playing. But the point is, it would be so good. It'd be so much. I just love giving kids free shit anyway. What's your move on an ice cream truck? What's my move? What do you get when you-

I like the strawberry shortcake ones. Oh, yeah. Those are good. Like with the crunchy on the outside. Crunchy on the outside, cream on the inside. Yeah, I feel like it's an underrated pick. It is. And it's kind of like, oh, that's my... Not a lot of people do it, but I

love those things. Those are really good. Yeah, that's my go-to. Can't go wrong. I also like the blondie ice cream sandwiches. Yes, those are so good. You's my go-to. I also like the blondie ice cream sandwiches. Yes, those are so good. You know what I'm talking about? Not the chocolate ones, the other ones? Yeah. I like the ice cream cone where the ice cream on the top is covered in chocolate. Oh, the shell.

At the bottom of the cone, there's also that thick vein of drumsticks. Yeah, they got that little treat at the very end. You're like, what? I'm excited to get to the bottom on this one. That's like when you stay after the credits. Yeah. Yeah.

Jackson's there and invites you to the end. Oh, Justice League 2. I like those Mexican popsicles that have a little bit of dairy in them. Oh, I feel you. Kind of a creamy, like the mango. Those are good. And they have little bits of fruit in there. Did you guys ever fuck with the Choco Tacos?

Hell yeah. Yeah, dude. They had those at Taco John's for days. Oh, really guys ever fuck with the Choco Tacos? Hell yeah. Yeah, dude. They had those at Taco John's for days. Oh, really? You could just buy Choco Tacos at Taco John's. Or like a Reese's Klondike bar. You still can. Oh, yeah.

Or like the Toll House ice cream sandwich. Yes. I like the Push Pops. Listen, we could go on for days. The problem with ice cream sandwiches, especially if you get them from a gas station. Are we doing a sub-draft in the draft? I think we are. The bummer about that is like,

sometimes they've been in there so long, they're like freezer burn, and there's no way of checking beforehand. Yeah, but when you get that good one, damn, it's good. How do you know when they're ripe? I don't know. Open it in the store and bite into it, and if it's gross, be like, whack,

and then throw it away and work on that. Throw it on the ground. Yeah. But yeah, so ice cream liberation front. I love it. Chantel Jordan, it is time for your fourth and then your final picks on your big day out. All right. On our big boys big day out.

This is, it's a little less extravagant than the other picks, but this is just something that I like to do. It's go-kart, mini-golf, batting cages. Hell yeah. The three, just that combo. Oh yeah, the zone. Yeah. And we're there. It's dead.

We get to take as long as we want on the mini golf. We get to go nuts on the go-karts. We get to hit each other because the dude's working like, you guys are fucking adults. I'm not going to get the ray gun out. You guys can go bananas. You can hit each other. What's the ray gun? They slow.

At Thunder Road in Sioux Falls, they have a little gun that they slow you down with. They can slow down your go-kart? They just point it at you and slow you down with it. It's fucking such horse shit. Oh, God. It's the worst feeling when you're mad dogging and then you're going like three. Then you're like, well, I'm not going to knock anyone's teeth out going three. And I'll tell you what, we're not going 0 for 30 in those batting cages.

Sampy P. Sampy P. 0 for 30. He will deny this. Are you serious? He will deny this vehemently. Fresh off a breakup. He didn't hit one?

Not one. I can't even go on him. Yeah. The argument he will say now, he'll say, I grazed a couple. No. And that, you know, is a lie because he'd only started saying it like months after. Yeah. And how bad is it to just like rest your laurels on foul tips?

Was he on the fast pitch ones? No, we were all in medium. I mean, we connected like 20 out of 30. It wasn't tricky. Well, because once your eye gets, we were all in medium. I mean, we connected like 20 out of 30. It wasn't tricky. Well, because once your eye gets trained on it, it takes a couple. Or you're just guessing and swinging a bat. You hit one out of 30.

Look, you've got to start the swing before the ball's out of the way. Yeah. We understand that. Playing baseball. Yeah. Just trying to get some wood on it. Shane's just going in the batting cage with a glove. I'm just trying to go yacht on this motherfucker.

We were trying. He had just been dumped, and we were trying to cheer him up. You should have taken him to the go-kart. I know. It did not do it. It did not do it. We did go to a Chinese food buffet. Yeah, we did.

And we went to the mall. Yeah, we had a day. We had one at like a budget one of these days. Yeah. Hell yeah. Even though one of my picks was right in here. Huh? He was Cameron in that scenario.

You were lifting him up. I am sack. Well, get up. Go-kart, mini golf. Mini golf. I love mini golf. You were lifting him up. I am Zach. Well, get up. Go-kart, mini-golf, mini-golf. I love mini-golf. You do? I love it. I love it.

When was the last time you played it? Too long. Appleton? Probably when I was in Appleton. Also, we could just skip to the holes we want to play, like the windmill one. Whatever you want. We could have a hole-in-one contest. We could just sit on each one until we got a hole-in-one.

It's like they take enough skill out of it. Like there's limited skill. But like it's like I can hit it up the ramp, but I don't know what's going to happen on that other side. Like it's just enough like mystery to make it. I like mini golf. If it's with y'all, it would be fun. Yeah. It's a good time.

Go-kart mini golf batting cages. I love it. I have never done go-kart before, and I probably never will. Really? At this point, when am I going to do it? I don't know. Next time you're in the Bay Area? Maybe.

Like, if you're going to— There's a really good one right outside of San Francisco. I've bumper-kart. I love a bumper-kart. You've never been on a go-kart? I've never been on a go-kart. Go-kart is one of the better activities. I own a fucking supercar, all right?

So go ahead. It's a 2010 Prius. It's so fun because it's like a tiny little car with no- You're open to the air. I feel like I look like

Bowser on Mario Kart. It's like way too big for it. Kind of slow. Yeah, but then you get going. Wario. Wario? I can Wario. You look like Wario.

It's me, Wario. I kind of look like Wario right now. That's exactly what I'm thinking. I kind of look like Wario right now. That's exactly what I'm thinking. I'm going to buy a fucking yellow hat. Go-Kart mini golf, and then your final pick. Oh, this is tricky.

All right. My final pick is going to be the Calm Down, and it's Manny Petty. Oh. That's what I'm doing. Manny Petty. Just the calm. Well played. Just the end it, and I'm done. I'm thinking about my day.

I'm getting pampered, and I'm thinking about how dope everything we got to do was. Have you had a second Manny Petty? No. Since the one I tweeted you to. I've only had, and that was just a petty. Your feet. I think it was just a petty, yeah. Yeah, we didn't do the mani, did we?

I mean, that's the business end. Yeah. Yeah, I had a big scab from skating, and I was like, hey, don't go too hard on that. And she just fucking, okay, and then just gets a bigger file out and just fucking starts yakking on it. And it ended up feeling great, but it did not feel good. They know what they're doing. They know exactly what they're doing. They knew that I didn't know what I was doing.

Okay, yeah, we won't file this down for you. You don't tell Sinatra what to sing? New York, New York! Do it, Frank! All of a sudden, two thick-necked Sicilian gentlemen are dragging you out of the Copa. Excuse us, we're Frank's enforcers. Yeah, Manny Petty.

And then I calm down. I love a Manny Petty. You know me. I do, I know you pretty well Forces. Yeah, Manny Petty. And then I calm down. I love a Manny Petty. You know me. I do. I know you pretty well. I love a Manny Petty. The thing is, I've only had a Petty. Never had a Manny. Only had it once.

But I don't see who would be like, I didn't like that. A lot of dudes. A weird thing with your feet. A lot of dudes are uncomfortable with the whole notion of it. I think a lot of dudes don't get their, like I've had a Petty. And other than that, I can't think of dudes don't get their, like I've had a petty and other than that I can't think of any other time

people have like touched my feet. Just look at me, I look at my hands almost every day and it's like, fuck my fingernails are dirty.

I think it's the hands. I think it's the feet. I think it's the feet that are fucking dirty. Y'all gotta open, they bathe them first. It feels right. It feels fantastic.

Open your hearts and enrich your life. What do you want to die and never have and had a pedicure? Seriously. Come on. I love it.

I'm saying, I'm talking to the straw man I love it. I'm saying. I think maybe. I'm talking to the straw man I've built. Talking to this old crow. Who's potentially listening to this podcast. If you're one of those dudes out there who's like, think that's the thing for women. Oh my God. You think Charles Barkley doesn't get fucking pedicures?

Charles Barkley gets pedicures, my friends. He's getting a pedicure right now. Right now. I think people don't realize it's a social event. It's pedicures, my friends. He's getting a pedicure right now. Right now. I think people don't realize it's a social event. It's social. It's not like getting your haircut where you can like, oh, let's get all five guys together and like all get a haircut at the same time. You can go out there. You can have, there's petty places where you can get like a mimosa.

Yeah, you probably find something you can get a scotch at. Yeah. If you want to be that. Sure. Bring a scotch. Yeah. Bring some Cutty Sark, David, after you get your free bottle in the mail. Speaking of David.

Oh, yeah. It's time for David's final pick. Pick five. So, guys, we've had a big day. We have. Yeah, we did. We did it all. It's triumph.

I only got energy for like one more thing. Yeah, I only got energy for one more thing. And this is where I'm going to have to leave you guys. We've had fun. Oh, you're going by yourself? I got to go on this alone. Whoa. Because I got to go see about a girl.

Whoa. That I got to go see about a girl. Whoa! That's your... I am going to officer in a gentleman to woman. You're going to wear class A's. And I'm going to come in to her job. Love lift us up where we belong. I'm going to scoop her up. Where it goes far. She's going to take my hat and put it on, and we're going to walk off into the sunset.

Wow. She puts it on, and as she leaves the doorway, she throws it off. I started it on love. I'm going to end it on love. Who is this comely young lass? I don't know. Okay, cool. Haven't met her yet, bro.

I love it. Yeah. What a move. Okay, cool. Haven't met her yet, bro. I love it. Yeah. What a move. That's great. That's exactly how you want to see. Could you imagine a better way to end a day? No. You got two classic moves in there.

The fucking speak at a wedding and then the officer in a gentleman. I'm saying, and I start with love and I end with love because it's all about love. Now the stripper okie makes sense. One last hurrah. Yeah. Because I know what I'm doing all day. Yeah. And I'm not crazy, because now it's like 7 or 8.

So she gets off at 8. I'm coming in at 7.45. Sure. I don't want her to get in trouble. Oh, you don't want her to get fired. I don't want her to get in trouble. I just want to do it. But if you come in at a paycheck.

If you're in a military whites, she can get off 10 minutes early. Yeah. That's what I figured. The boss says nothing. I don't think it's that crazy. By the way, he's gone at that point. He's not staying until 8. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're out off 10 minutes early. Yeah, that's what I figured. The boss says nothing. I don't think it's that crazy. By the way, he's gone at that point. He's not staying until 8. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're out. I love that. Officer and Gentleman. I've never seen that movie, but I do know the move. Yeah, you know the move. That's all you need to know. I feel like everybody gets that. Is that Dick Gear?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's Dick Gear. Young Dick Gear, dude. When the dick was still fully in gear, you know what I mean? But still gray hair. Oh, yeah. He's the salt and pepper

assassin from way back he's fucking amazing with gray hair oh man it's weird to see him in American Gigolo because he has like he doesn't have gray hair

I think it's like dark oh damn I gotta go back and watch that yeah he what did he have like I guess he had like dark hair

yeah like when he was like six might have been like not jet black but pretty dark yeah at least that's what my memory is telling me. I don't know. All I know is

I'm gonna officer a gentleman's soul. I love it. That's perfect. I hear you. I hear you, fucking big chicken. We're in a submarine. Okay. Yeah. You're just gonna open the hatch and drown us all? That is my final pick. How could today get any better?

Death by water. This is the... Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Okay. The fulcrum point. This is the... Does that mean pinnacle? Does that mean like ultimate?

Fulcrum is like right in the middle where you balance. Like in the middle. What would it be in the middle of a seesaw that would allow the board to go back and forth? Where you balance. Or like if you got a wheelbarrow, you find the fulcrum where it's no weight.

Are you thinking focal point or... Well, goddammit. Just like... I can't believe I just thought... It's called a punchline. Like if you got a wheelbarrow, you find the focal point where it's no weight. Are you thinking focal point? Well, goddammit. Just like a... I can't believe I just thought... It's called a punchline. Just like an amazing bang at the end. The apes.

Here's what happens. The pinnacle, the apex, the zenith, if you will. The desert? The zenith. Yeah, the television sub. The zenith. We get out of the sub. The revere.

As we exit the sub, I'm talking to a guy. You guys have never seen this guy before. We're whispering. And he's like like come with me we walk into now if you remember at the beginning of the story i told you this is 2009 yeah that's important it's 2009 gun dude he's not gonna put that there without using it 2009 we go this guy lets us into the back room of avex recording. I know what's happening now. Yes. We're in a room.

One side of glass. We can see in that people can't see it. It is Kanye West. Oh, shit! Recording my beautiful dark fantasy. Get the fuck out of here! Yes. We walk in just as the piano keys, he's starting to figure out run away.

Oh, fuck me! You're going for figure out Runaway. King Cuddy's there. You're going for his heart on this one. King Cuddy, Bon Iver, Pusha T, Rick Ross is there, and we just get to watch it. There's beer, there's alcohol, there's weed, there's shrooms. Oh, now you're going for everyone. Now you want to... Oh, you dickhead.

Never have I wanted to be in someone else's fantasy so bad. God damn it, Zach. I, man. Zach just folded his paper up like he won by the way it's gonna be real and he threw it in the air for the fans it's a set list it's gonna be a real people are either gonna be a speak now forever hold your peace person or a kanye person it's really sean you and i uh i didn't expect it it's not our night i didn't expect to fly that high on this one yeah kanye west recording session yeah that would be fun and he was doing that for like 24 hours a day so we

that's he was in there the whole time yes little catnaps and he had a house that people would just go at and like pick up basketball play basketball yeah have you listened to that dissect podcast i haven't yet oh you gotta listen to it yeah yeah i haven't checked it out yet he was just in there the whole time that's what they say was kanye was just in there yeah but like go-karts though yeah go-karts are fine no that was dang that was the best i went around the horn with that sack well now we still got we still got one more pick. Yeah. We do. We do. God damn. I don't want to do it anymore.

That was the hammer pick. That's what I put that together, and I was like, oh, shit. That was the hammer pick. So I just kind of worked backwards. Yeah, you reversed it. Like a puzzle at IHOP. All right. Well, I mean, I got to end my day anyway.

Yeah, yeah. Amazing pick. And this will be the final thing we do that day. It's just we're going to the dankest ice cream parlor in town. Yeah. And we're getting just big ice cream situations. Oh, yeah. Start of the day at Dim Sum.

We've worked up quite an appetite at this point. So we're just going and having some fucking ice cream. And I'm thinking like a 50 Licks slash Salt and Strock ice. But this is deluxe ice cream. So what are you thinking? Like a cone, a banana split? I'm getting a big waffle. For me personally, three scoop waffle cone.

Yeah. Yeah. Because they jam the first one into the cone. Yeah, they do. And then there's two on top of it. But you guys can get banana splits. You can get a milkshake if you want. I would get the ice cream that Napoleon gets in Bill and Ted's, that fucking mountain of ice cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember that? There's whipped cream all over it? Yeah. I think I was at Millie's there, according to Jesus. At this parlor. It's in Paris. I forgot to mention that. I forgot to throw that in.

This is called The White Album Ice Cream Yeah yeah yeah Oh this is Abbey Road Where this ice cream Barber is We actually meet God

Yeah There is this It's at Dr. Dre's house And we get to hear detox God Dre With our jeans on That's the only thing That would be

And our team's drunk With some cognac ice cream But instead of ice cream It's just a glass of cognac Yeah And my You know I got my jeans on Hennessy Hennessy Ice cream is a perfect cap And our team's drunk. With some cognac ice cream, but instead of ice cream, it's just a glass of cognac. Yeah. And I got my jeans on. Hennessy.

Hennessy. Ice cream is a perfect cap. Just cap it all off with a little ice cream. I like it. We had a Vegas night where we capped it off with ice cream at Milk Bar. That's right. No, I don't remember. What? We did.

You weren't there. You guys were, you and Sean and David were in Old Vegas. Oh, well then. You guys went to get ice cream? First of all, you didn't cap shit off when we were in Old Vegas. There were like six more hours after that. But we did. I don't remember.

We got ice cream and cookies, me, Nick, and Zach. Oh, damn. Me and Sean were drinking Hennessy on the street. What was that flavor of? As soon as we touched down in Old Vegas, I was like, nope. I called it so hard that when we separated, I'm like, we're going to get there and they're not going to be there. I guarantee it. We walked through a little bit.

There's not much to walk through. I don't even remember. We were there and I was like, why are we here? You texted me. You're like, where the fuck are you, dude? Hurry up and get here. And I'm like, he's leaving. He ain't going to be there.

I knew. We saw Beetlejuice saying some huey newton or something that sounds right we saw beetlejuice huey who huey newton i don't know who is that a real person oh yeah huey newton is he was a black prominent black panther we're thinking of huey lewis yeah but huey p newton is the black panther yeah yeah huey p newton you're thinking of i want a new drug yeah one of the one way to see word on this little bit of my caution from the groupie book that P. Newton is the Black Panther. Yeah, yeah, Huey P. Newton. You're thinking of, I want a new drug. One of the one we've been seeing. Word on the street is, from the groupie book, that Huey Lewis has the biggest hog out of all the... The schmonds.

Out of all the dancers? Out of all the dudes. Out of everyone in the news. Out of everyone. Not every famous dude. I saw Eddie Moniano, and Peter Frampton's supposed to have the littlest. Who has the littlest one? Peter Frampton, allegedly. All these groupies

got together and wrote a book, and Huey Lewis was the biggest python, and Peter Frampton was the smallest. Python. Still a python. Allegedly. What a strange way to end this podcast. Let's let that quiet sit. Let's just take a nap in it.

So to recap, Sean Jordan, you went first and you took go see a Jeopardy taping. Hell yeah, hell yeah. And then go to the airport, take the next flight out. I imagine that'll be the end of the day, but I don't know. Use the jetpack thing at the lake. And then it's a go-kart mini golf batting cage situation. And then cap it all off with a mani-pedi. David, you went second.

You took speak now or forever, hold your peace at a Wedding, Food Fight at a Buffet, singing Anything You Want by Roy Orbison at Stripper Oke, Liberating an Ice Cream Truck, and then Officer and Gentlemaning a Woman. Standing Ovation. Toscana, you went third. Man, this is a wild ride. Flew in the ditch. Yeah, dude.

Surfed to snow,agliding to another island and landing at the Ala Moana Mall. Submarining around the Pearl Harbor Memorial. And then finally ending up at the Kanye West recording studio as he records my beautiful dark twisted fantasy. Can I also say shout out to Big Hawaii

who's clearly paying Zach. Yeah. State of Hawaii, I will take whatever you give me. Even if it's just the animals you can't let into the island. What? I've got all these toads. Here's 400 snakes. I don't even know what you're going to do with 400 snakes.

400 snakes, dog. That was the craziest thing to request. Who do you think's shopping at the end? Give me all the unforgivable animals. That was the hardest part of moving. We had to leave our cat and my turtle and stuff. Because everything has to go through six months of quarantine, if it's allowed. Damn.

Yeah. Here's what's up. I went last. And I took going to the aquarium and jumping in the tank, day at the beach, dim sum, portrait studio, and then just an all-expenses-paid trip to the ice cream parlor. That portrait studio is fucking killer. I mean, I left the zoo on the board.

One of my picks that I knew was going to piss everyone off was be get a new cell phone plan. I was going to pick that to do online. I a new cell phone plan. I was going to pick that to do on my show. I was so mad. What? I would have actually taken my shirt off.

I was, yeah, I showed Marissa before the show and I was like, should I do that? Didn't seem like it would go well,

so I didn't. Young Canada called an audible on that for you? Oh, man. Young Canada God? Yeah. So outside of my narrative,

I had near misses with parents, like back when it was going to be like ditching school. Because that always adds the spice of like, oh, it's really wrong. Almost got caught. Play on Roger Federer's home tennis court. Is that in Hawaii? A mud bath? No, just wherever. One of those like mud bath treatment things.

Oh, a spa. Yeah, that was one of my, that was on the bench. I'll take myself to a spa once every five months. I've never... I don't even... Yeah, we don't even know how to do it. I had cut off some dude's ponytail. Oh.

Why didn't that make the fucking... Dude. I felt like it would be too hard to explain why... I think it happens at the wedding. Oh, man. Wow. On your way out? Nobody move.

You're just holding the hostage. You're the best man, so you just snip the grooves. Well, listen, we've taken enough of your time. Thank you again. Shout out to everyone on the subreddit. Shout out to everyone on Twitter and on Instagram. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Frankie Ocean.

Shout out to Sid the Dude. Dude, Rob Dyrdek, I see you. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Rob Dyrdek, I see you. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. The saint has sent a Christmas card. She did. She sent us a Christmas card. Saint Christmas card. We're opening it up.

She'll be excited to see us. I'm excited. The two of us. She'll be excited to see us. Yeah, so I guess that about wraps it up. So make sure you tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything

oh people made that ringtone huh? yeah that was a hate gun podcast