All Fantasy Everything - Discontinued Snacks (w/ Zak Toscani)

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

You know what's never been discontinued? AFE, on the shelves every Thursday since 2016.Guest:Zak Toscani (@zaktoscani)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Obviously everything. The podcast of fantasy drafts. Anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episodes, we are drafting. Discontinued snacks. Hold for applause. Our guest today is our dear friend, the stand-up comedian.

The stand-up comedian. The stand-up comedian. A man I saw walking down York not 24 hours ago. Man of the people. Man of the people. You can touch him, but he's, but he, I mean, he lives in heaven, but he walks on earth. He thinks in hell. He just ain't Panda Express and he's still upright.

It's Zach Descone. Yeah. Thanks for having me. I'm your host, Deere Carmel, and with me as always are my friend Sean Jordan, who refuses to wear socks. He will not wear socks. You want, you want the pig? You want the pig? I don't want, don't know.

No, man. Nobody wants you to do it. You guys want to see the pig. He's been built up. It's like a sauna in there. It's a closed. room. He's got tar on it. I got painted toenails,

dude. Why do you not wear socks? I don't like socks with shorts. I never have. Have you ever thought about just bringing like an ice bath and putting your feet in those during the podcast? I just bring a real loud foot massage routine. Give me some rock salt. That's behind the couch.

Epson. My dogs are barking. You messed up shoes like that though, right? You want this closer? I don't think that my feet really stink. No, thanks. But I don't think these. I've never got any complaints. that my shoes reek. How many people are you? You're taking them off.

Take a shot. I put my shoes on Laura's pillow every night. Breathe deep. Ah? Breathe deep. Breathe deep. I got some no show-hams now that I'm running, bro. Yeah.

Shohoms. No shows. Well, you guys, see Ian's wearing show-hams right now. We'd be show-homs. I'm Shome Chomsky. Yeah, I'll wear Scyph. If I'll wear socks. It doesn't bug me out that much.

I just'm like, don't your feet stay. Don't they sweat in the shoes? Can't you notice it? I'm not doing much. After this, I'm going to go walk, get my steps and close that ring. I'll put the socks on. Oh, for the walk.

Your copper fits. Your Brent Forest. They're my big neoprene. You've ever seen people on an airplane, like old people in that it's all copper fit? Yeah. Their knees, the elbows, the wrist. You're like, God damn.

Like they're ready to go play. Yeah, yeah. Are you guys ever doing those special socks for the airplane flights? I haven't. I started doing it. No, I don't get too I don't feel weird yet on the place.

Chicago's like four hours? Four hours. If I'm flying, if I'm flying four or more, I put them on. Well, you soak them in heroin first, right? Yeah. TSA don't check.

I put the hair when in. I boof it. I boof the socks. So they're just like, to get them in an airport. They're compression socks. Yeah, we're supposed to help.

You boof things that aren't illegal just to fuck with the TSA? I boofed up a seven-off. That's my toothpaste. You just boof a shooter. I wasn't sure that you. if they had the Dr. Pepper TikToks here. I'm booed for travel size.

It's not even bigger. They pull it out and you're like, give it back to me. Why, yes, I do have real ID. It's not illegal to have something in your butt. I was, I flew out of Moab Airport once. Whoa. And I had weed and everyone was like, oh, I don't know TSA. I was like, oh, I go through TSA all the time.

But it wasn't, they didn't have, it was just one guy. Yeah. Who just was like, let me see your back. and then we're just open it and kind of ruffle around. Oh, because they didn't have like an x-ray. He didn't even have the x-ray. Wow. It's just like a, it's like a bathroom.

They have ray. They don't have x-ray. I went in Traverse City and it was that like the dude showed up and opened the door to the airport and walked in and turned the lights on. That's awesome. And it was that same kind of thing where they're just like no official TSA. Yeah, yeah. Just a guy. Maybe he was.

Hey guys. It's some guy going. Yeah. Be honest now. Be cool. Be honest now. He knew everyone. He was like calling people by name.

It was nuts. That's great. Even the flyers? Yeah, like the passengers. Like anyone that we were, there was like 10 of us waiting in line. And he just opened it up and he knew probably half the people. What's going on in Traverse City? It was a film festival.

That's right. I did the festival with Doug one time. Did you go to the sand dunes? No. I got sand dunes there. A few bars. Oh, yeah. Switched it up a little bit.

Sand bruise. I feel like you'd go to the dunes now. I like to think you probably. Oh, yeah. I mean, it was fun. Watch movies. It was tight. I've never been to a film festival.

It was a good time. Me neither. Do they go crazy like we do at comedy festivals? I didn't seem like it. Was Jeff Daniels there? No. He's a big Travis

Travis City. Travis City. Travis City, they take your weed. Jeff Goldblum? Nope. Nope, nothing real interesting about us. Jefferson Mays. Sam Levine was there.

That was fun. He was with us. Now, he's an executive producer on Comics Unleashed, right? Stop Travis. he sure is. Okay. That's how I know I'm from.

I didn't meet the EPs. You know what tripped me out about Comics Unleashed is they have all the judges' desks back there. So like Judge Mathis, the desk is back there. Oh, yeah, I did see that. That was pretty tight. So you just roll out all these judges' desks and do the, and they just, yeah. I'd like to see the judges on Comics Unleashed.

That would be Judges Unleashed. So Judge Mathis! I heard you think they should go 50-50. Judges Unleashed. Like, I kill him, who cares? Manlish! Sean Jordan is here. Sean Cougarmel Jordan on Instagram.

Sean Jordan going to be at the Aladdin Theater with the Bud's All Fantasy Everything, 10th anniversary, September 26th. First show sold out. Second show on sale. We've added a second show. We've added a second show. Come on.

They're ever agreed. So even if you're going to that, I'm begging you already. Come on. Please. We've already sold our show. Come on. Tickets are moving slow for the third-headed show.

What's in the box? I'm just asking Rub the lantern twice Just asking Are you going to be in Portland on September 26? I'm just asking I might just be

I'm just asking That's all That's to say Simple ask That's all I also might I might Make my business to be there as well

Be crazy If he was just Sean And he gets two lookalikes No no It's No no it's I walk out I just start doing stand up

Until they boo And then I'm like All right fine Right Get about it Bring out a fake Ian and a fake day. It's our holograms. I dropped better friends.

You invested in AI technology to make David and Ian. I can just stock images off the internet and I just tape them on some thrones. Thrones is crazy. I have a throne budget but not a David and Ian budget. We didn't even know about it. David and I were hanging out. We didn't even know what was happening. That's it.

We've added a third show. I just decided to. This one's sending Max to college. It is our 10-year anniversary, and we're going to be having a lot of fun. A lot of fun, surprise. Some stuff happening. I'm trying to get moving during the days surrounding it as well. I'm just going to say it.

What? I'm just going to say what I'm planning on doing. Okay. And then that way I'm going to have to do it. And we're going to have to follow through. What do you guys think about that idea. Yeah, do it. I'm trying to get going.

If you, actually, this is good. This is early enough. You're psyching yourself out so much. I like this idea. I'm going to talk about it. If you own a gun and you have a horse. Meet me in the Claggmas Town Center parking lot at high noon. 30 faces.

If you've been boof and mouthwash and you have access to a stern wheeler boat. We're going to have a boof contest. What I want to do is I want to find a venue, like a bar with like outdoor seating or like a big restaurant bar kind of situation. and what I want to do is the people who are going to be in town and but I mean you, the listeners, for the All Fantasy Everything 10th anniversary shows.

Pardon me, I burped. Thank you to those of you who have already said you're flying in for it. That's huge. That's amazing. I want us to get together and do some fantasy drafts at a bar together

earlier in that day where we get on teams where we have like five-person teams. We get together. We walk up. We do the draft. And by the end of it, we all vote on who we think the winner is.

Like a pub quiz. Like a pub quiz. But for us. But all fantasy everything style, I think would be really fun. So if you have a venue where I could do that kind of thing, hit me up at trayplus.com and tell me where are you from. Oh, dude. You should do it in the Wells Fargo building since that's abandoned.

It is? It is. It's the big one that has the Skywalk connector. Oh. We should do it at Lloyd Center. Oh, shit. I know. We could just go do it.

It's what we're going to do it on the Ice Center. Yeah. Hit me up on Instagram probably. Or Ian Carmel at Gmail.com. Don't abuse it. David Borey's here. Cool guy joke 77 on Instagram. Oh, yes. I am here. You're right. I will also be there for those shows. Watch my don't tell.

Watch it. Also, 13,000 more you watch mine. It's up to 40 million views by now. 40 million. That's what they're saying. Yeah. They are projecting that, yeah. They're going to give you one of those big platinum YouTube buttons for it. All my relevant takes.

What's weird is it's all in the New York City area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just 40 million there and nowhere else. I'm just a huge Haitian. You're talking mostly about Haitian politics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're talking about... Very timely set.

Yeah. Anti-French sentiments. Yeah. Abound. Trying to think. Who is that guy? Who's that Haitian leader? Papa dog.

Papa Doc. Thank you. What's 8 Mile left to do with this? That was his name in 8 Mile, right? Papa Doc. Papa Doc? There was a guy in 8 Mile named Papa Doc. Is that from that?

Maybe. There was a guy in Haiti named Papa Doc, though. It was like a corrupt leader? Something like that. I'm not Haitian. Was it real name? I know you're not Haitian, but you have this whole don't tell set about it. Brother, watch the set.

Everybody thinks I'm Haitian. Haitian this, Haitian. I'm going to get ahead of this. I'm not Haitian. Listen, I don't know if anyone's talked about this, but I'm not Haitian. Zach, the Haitian sensation, Tuscany? Whoa. What's that drink?

That would be problematic. It's an aqua fresco. Would you like a taste? I knew what it was. I know what it was. Oh, this is your, what is this, fries? Oh, yeah. That'll make you walk on York.

Oh, yeah. That will. No, I'm good. I'm good. I do, actually. Yeah. Get in me. Why don't live in my life?

It's really. good. And you get some of the, yeah, you get some of the mango chunk. There's mango chunk in there. It's really good. Just two yuckies to Sean. Is it too wet? What is that an onion drink? Well, yeah, what are you off on the water? You put onions in your smoothies, right? What is that? Sushi?

It's a French onion smoothie. An olive onion sushi smoothie. I would try a French onion smoothie. Like a savory smoothie? Because that's your soup that I'm drinking with a straw. Listen, we've talked about this before. Why aren't there savory smoothies? What's the big deal?

Because you haven't gotten up off your ass and started that business. Gravy, mashed potatoes and chicken strips. Make it a smoothie. You make it a smoothie. You make it a smoothie. Didn't KFC put that in a bowl? Yeah, but I ate a smoothie. I still had to chew it.

I want to drink this. Oh, you wanted to blend. Yeah, blend it. KFC famous smoothie? What hard is it? Yes, we're doing it for him. No. You plug my computer in.

Yeah. Put it over there. Man, if I was rich, I'd pour this. this year of a Mata all over it. It'd be pretty funny. Looks like someone's borrowing another computer from Shocker. No, that's a smaller one,

but I do still have all of my dad. Yeah. I haven't given his old one back yet. I'm keeping it. Did Shocker let you know that I was borrowing one of his computers? No, I was there when he was having to see which laptop

that would still work. Right, right, right, right. I spilled club soda on my laptop on a flight. That's crazy and it really did just fry it, huh? Fried it up. Fried it right up. Didn't fry it right away.

It took a while to fry it. So I was like, it still works. And I worked on a long group, which is apparently what you're not supposed to do. Oh, you're supposed to like dry out completely? You should like, yeah, I tried to type through and you should let it like dry out completely. Maybe I'll heat it up and it'll just burn it off. Genuinely had that thought.

Yeah, yeah. Because that tracked to me, I'm like, yeah, I'll just heat it up. It'll steam off. Yeah. The fans go and that's going to drive everything up. Okay, so this is embarrassing to say, but I was in Austin, Texas when I landed at the airport, I got frustrated and I broke my phone. I get it.

Like Bo Jackson did it? Did you really? It did not. It worked. Just at the gate? Yeah. I just... What?

Because I was, you know... He had it over his head. Yeah. Then he ran up the wall. There's class in my room. I'm trying to blame it on the airport. Fucking wall! Can you say what got you so heated or is it...

It was like everything was just not loading. Everything was taking forever. And I was kind of on a... One of those where you're like, I have an hour. hour and a half from when I land to get to the show. Yeah. So time is kind of of the essence. You know, it'll help me get there.

It's breaking my phone. I know. It doesn't ever make sense. Sometimes you just need to rage. Oh, totally. Oh, totally. I've always wondered if I, like, I don't think I could do that. Oh, no, iPhone?

Yeah, that'll go easy. Really? Yeah. Give me your phone. You just bend it. But anyway, so. I'm going to give you my phone because I know you can't do it. It broke the display, but the phone was technically still working.

Okay. So then I put it under water. I, like, was just trying to, to break it. So I filled up a sink. Just holding it. I filled up a sink in the hotel. And then I dropped it in there.

It was still like the alarm was still going off. That's why I was trying to turn it off. That's so funny. That's so funny. So then I was just smashing it on the tile like, stop. They're indestructible. Alone. Yeah, exactly.

So it's not crazy to think that Club soda through a laptop like this is easy work. That's right. Yeah. Well, I don't know what Apple's up to. Exactly. Yeah. Well, they say that they're like, oh yeah, the iPhone. it's basically waterproof up to a certain point.

Not the laptop. Yeah, no. What happened back in the day? We all had our phones on a table and you switched them all. That's right. We were playing some kind of card game and I was sitting between Gabe Dinger and Mandy, right? And they had the same phone with the same like wallpaper or whatever. Yeah, something.

So then I switched, I grabbed their phones, but switched the phone into the other one's case. Yeah. And then they're playing, and Gabe got all excited, and he knocked a glass of water and spilled it all over what he thought was Mandy's phone. That's so funny. And so he was like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. She's like, fuck, fuck. And I was like, dude, I was sitting on it for so long going like, I'm about to blow these fucking people's minds.

I go, Mandy, your phone's actually fine. She's like, what? I go, press your phone, Gabe. And he's like, what? It was so And I'm sitting there just like No way What does Gabe end up thinking

Well I guess he was like well I guess that's only fair that Yeah He was thrilled To bone and then accepting Yeah he really Plus also to be part of that story He's probably like well

Oh body Oh yeah Yeah Jimmy Stewart But it felt like yeah It felt like I had been That was my quantum leap That's amazing

That's why I was sent back To write this wrong If a magician did that I would like magic That's actually not your phone you broke that And I'm like, what? I'm blown out of my pocket Oh!

You, did you talk about your Magic Castle trip yet? Can you, you sign the NDA, right? I can't. You don't sign an NDA in there. It was a puppet show. Okay. What? Magic puppets.

One of the acts was just a puppet show with some very outdated racial puppets. Oh, no. What? Jeff Dunham? Irish? It felt. Mr.

jalapinos here? A bunch of drunk puppets? It felt similar. Think far east. Oh. Then think deep south. Mm-hmm. Oh.

Isaac and I wouldn't have loved it. Oh. And they were just singing, the puppets were just like singing songs dancing. Was there a magic element to any of it? No. They made you mad out of nowhere. You time traveled.

It was just like a marionette. I was like, what the fuck is this? What ethnicity was the magician? What do you think? Okay. Why did you get? Let's be honest. There's a certain group where you give them puppets and they start going nuts.

There is a New Zealanders, we can say it. The Kiwis, how dare you? There's a certain race that is more apt to become a magician, I would say. At least a puppeteer. Yeah. You shouldn't get to be at the fucking magic castle if you're doing puppets, let alone racist puppets. It felt weird because it was like, I was just like, what the fuck's going on? Are they required to do some sort of magic?

And I was wearing a suit. You were wearing a suit. You were wearing a suit. Excuse me, aren't you required to do some kind of magic? I'm at the magic castle, am I not? Where's the HR in this place? It was killing. But what I also found out, people seem to be pretty shit-faced at the magic castle.

I think people get hammered there. People are, like, every crowd. Because I was, because I saw three shows, and I was like, these crowds are bad. Like, I'd be pissed if these were my crowds. Yeah, they're like yelling and stuff. They're like yelling. They're just, they're shit-faced. People were shit-faced in there.

And they're all dressed up super nice, too. Yeah, yeah. Which is probably what it was like to go anywhere in the 50s. Yeah. Like one, they asked one guy who, like, volunteered, they asked them, the magician asked him, like, okay, what color were you thinking of? Was it this? And the guy was like, no. And he's like, what color was it?

And the guy was like, Rust. And I was like, I'm going to beat this guy's fucking... Rust. Oh, because you saw a mentalist, right? Yeah. I saw a mentalist. A mentalist. I saw a mentalist.

I saw a puppeteer. And then I saw this one guy who was like a young gun who was pretty cool. Did he have a vest? No. He had a demeanor that made you feel like he hates everyone. Oh, a dark magician. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Chris Angel Mind freak type?

We were talking about. South Asian, I think. If Chris Angel would have got off Artemis right before all of the astronauts when they were in the ocean. Where were you talking about that? Mind freak! I just thought I was like, what have you got out before? And he's like, fine freak. You were telling Max?

Pretty much. We were trying to get Max to watch it. And she's just like, didn't give a shit. What, Artemis Landing? Yeah. And we're like, ah, this is cool. She's like a little too young,

not quite there yet. I barely gave a shit. Yeah. And I'm cool. And I don't care about anything. I don't care about homework or you. I don't have my computer right now. Anything could be happening.

Zach Tiscani is here. Come on. He's drinking an aqua fresca. Yes. So good. Strangely, you sent us discontinued. Snacks. Reddit also.

That was where I read it from. Yeah. Okay, great. I should look up who's suggesting. I thought it said discounted at first. I'm like, what do we mean? I could pick anything on sale. It was weird when you asked that in the group chat and then Ian just said discontinued.

You went along with it too. You were just like, great, I'll do it. I just needed a little context, but I'm like, so anything on sale? At this time. You also sent me something last night I meant to ask you about. That was the text. It's really slowed it down. Do you still love me?

That was his penis. Did you meant to, oh, you just meant to say in the morning, not install the morning. Sure did. Okay. Someone's getting Shane fingers. Yeah. Oh, no. It's U.S.

RANDUMUSER 30263. So shout out to you. This currently has 69 upboats. Yeah. Funny. Funny stuff. I think that Sean's burner. I got a lot of burners.

That is where the suggestion came from. Thank you, Reddit. Yeah. It's a great idea. Yeah. But more importantly than that, this comes. out the May 14th. May 14th.

Okay. Is that a Thursday? Where can people see you? May 22nd, I'll be at Lincoln Lodge in Chicago. Oh. That would fine. Mm-hmm. June 11th, Stamford, Connecticut.

Oh. Yeah. Right? If you're in the New York City area, hey, it's only a hop, skip, and a jump. It is. Away. And then June 27th, Toronto. Toronto.

Toronto. Toronto. Toronto, bro. You know, actually, the city was named Ronto. And then enough people were like, should we go to Ronto? And then they're like, hey, here we go. You're burning material, man. Comedy bar.

You're just lighting on the comedy bar. I think I did the Danforth last time. I might be doing the other one. Great. I wanted to kind of switch it up. Yeah. But yeah, I'm kind of going everywhere. So, Zach Desconi.com.

Or you can book me for a house show wherever you live. Hell of you. Got to have a house. I was in a place called Cranbrook, BC. Yeah. Cranbrook. That's where Clarence parents had a real good marriage. You think the second eight-mile reference just naturally in the podcast?

Opening. Wow. We haven't even started drafting yet. Sean texted me last night. He's like, throw me a couple easy ones. I've really been, I've been really feeling eight-mile later. A couple of softballs. I'm trying to up my average.

I don't want it to feel forced, but I want to talk about eight-mile. All your burners, like, Sean's doing really good. I don't know what you guys are talking about. I want to think I'm cool. Also, eight miles great. I might watch it tonight Eminem's gonna have he's got another grandbaby

Another one He's like You didn't know that Now you all know it I didn't know he had Another isn't even like He's becoming a grandfather It's like well that's just old hat now

Is it his second? Oh great I believe so That's awesome Congratulations Marshall From all of us here At all fantasy everything This is the baby's name Stan

That'd be tough Stan and Ken Keneff. My name is Ian Carmel. I have nothing to promote. Come to, come to... Hey, do a 10-year anniversary show. We're doing a 10-year anniversary show.

A fourth show added. So go ahead and buy those tickets. If you're ever in Atwater Village and you just want to be around a wonderful energy, keep your head on a swivel. Keep your head on a swivel. I am out there. Swing by the Black Elephant Coffee shop in Atwater Village.

Went there today. You'll probably see me. Top-notch. I have run into you at Black Elephant. I want to say three times. Yeah, that's big. Basically my office. I'm going to be honest.

You're fully triangulated. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. That really did it. Well, I mean, Atwater Village is only so big of a neighborhood. Some say, that didn't give anything away. If they play jazz and open a window, you will show up. I will show up.

Like a pie cooling on the window. You just float through the air. But floating to the music. It's just all over. A lot of turbulence. Oh, no, it's an Art Blakey solo. That's one of that head. We know.

Totally. I get out. That's definitely what I say after I say. say, oh no. Now it's an all blakey sound out. This is my R. Blakey chicken. It's going to be kind of fucked up. It's raw on some parts.

Oh, it's raw. He used to pay people with heroin. Allegedly, he's dead. That's like, hey, I know where you're going to spend it. Let's just cut out the middleman. I'll save you a trip. And then also, at some point, I have something very exciting coming this summer

that some of you will see. Although I don't know when I can talk about it. and it's not now when we're recording, although by the time this comes out, it might be. Anyway, just keep your eyes peeled. You're getting a dark night-themed-themed-themed-themed-thum. The Tumblr? He's trying to park it at the headgum studio.

Move your fucking car! All sideways. I'm getting a Rossau-Goole-themed cyber truck. You show up on that crazy motorcycle, it pops out of the car. The car's left on Hyperion, knowing the car. go around it. The whole thing is painted like Liam Neeson laying down. Dana left and I feel like

I only have one shot to get this right. You had one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted. I got half. You think crime's going to happen when they see this car coming? I spent all my money on this motorcycle. I'm staying at Davids for a couple weeks. But I think if I do this right

my marriage is going to be better. Dana, I'm going to stay at Davids. Let you cool off a little bit. Your officer, I can't get a D-Y because when I spin the wheels go with it and never fall down.

I can go up a wall. If I had another car, it would drive up the car. Uh-huh. It's fine. It's fine. God. The Joker's your seat cover?

Every joke, you know, that Last Supper Joker painting that's your whole back seat? What? They got all the jokers at like a Last Supper type thing. Oh,

I didn't know that. They did. Which is at the Louvre, I believe. He's the same fuckers telling me to eat an apple a day. I don't think so. Why are you yelling to me? I don't know, man. About doctors?

It's funny because there's not enough jokers to do that. No, there's like seven. Yeah. Yeah, there's not 12 apostles? 13 apostles? Well, 12 plus the big guy. Is it Heath Ledger or is the big J man? Yeah.

And there's no server in the background. Do they have like all bad guys? He's like Mr. Freeze. I think it's just the joker. Well, I guess you count the TV. You got the TV ones, the cartoon. The cartoon Joker. Yeah, you might have 13.

There's only five of them. There's only five of them. Are you looking at the picture? Isaac just looked at his own tattooing. What website? Checking his rib cage. It's upside down, but there's only five. It's on Etsy.

That's not what Etsy was for. No, not at all. That's not why they launched Etsy. My wife's just started an Etsy's store. It's all jetsy. It's all Joker last supper. Let's just say we're getting that A to you. That would be

so insane. That would be the king of two songs. How'd I buy a house? You know how I bought this house? You know how I got this low APR? I am getting a Dark Night theme cyber trucks. Take a look at it. out. I'm going to be mostly hanging

out in Sepulveda. You'd get so much love in Hermosa at the bar we went to. Hermosa Beach. They would have loved it at that bar. They would have loved it. I'm going to be playing Evanescence on my outward facing speakers on my dark-like themed cyber trucks. Letting them know. Oh, thanks. Isaac sent it to us. Oh, thank you, Isaac.

Did you guys have car people that got into like ground effects and body kits and stuff? There were people in my high school. Yeah. Like the deer whistles that light up and chromies. I knew a lot more guys who were potentially into it. Like a lot of guys who were going to put ground effects on X, X, X and X. Uh-huh.

I had a, I didn't, I knew a ground effects. I guess I kind of have ground effects on my club. They got this Joker last supper in a living room that it would never. There's no way. It's walking Phoenix is this living room. There's no two liters in that picture. You can get, if you want to drop $2,200, you can get one that's 55 by 94 inches. This one's only $21.

I mean, I might have to drop. That's a really little one. That'd be perfect for Max's room. That's an 8 by 12. What would happen if you put this up in your house? I wonder. How long, if you put it, snuck it somewhere, how long you think to Laura was like, what's this? Pretty quick.

Yeah. I feel like pretty, depending if I put it in the office, it'd be fun to try. I'd rather be carried by six than judge by five jokies. Oh, that would be There's a handgun, a knife, and an on-fire pile of money on the table. Is that really? Choose your weapon.

There's a goblet, which I guess is the I guess what was Jesus' cup? Yeah, the humble cup. Yeah, this is bizarre. There's also a Joker on the TV in front of the table. Yeah, the cartoon. The animated series Joker. a lighter.

There's a TV. Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, there's a TV. Oh. I don't know why Jack's all the way to the side. He should be the middle, right? Well, he's kind of, you can tell he's going to leave. How man would he be?

Oh, I don't, I don't, I think I'd put it on the wall and then it wouldn't be on the wall again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think there would even be like a. She might not even talk about it. Yeah, yeah. First question. But she does let me go crazy in the wall. the guest room. I have some propaganda

on the wall. Isaac's seen it. It's not somewhere. What's in the guest room? A lot of weird shit. A lot of merch from that puppet guy's act. An Al Sharpton campaign poster. All right. Things like that. The alien one

is the weirdest. By far. An alien kissing a man, a velvet naked woman. I like that. Nick Cannon. It's like a lot of stuff going on in there. Booty call on VHS. Yes. It's kind of your vision board Yeah, that kind of stuff

I got baby boy on VHS You go in there and you put your hands behind your back And just ponder Yeah Soking it in There's nowhere for me to put that stuff Adam sent me baby boy in VHS And I can't

Laura's like what's not going up On the mantel in the living room Where did you want it to? I want an office I did want it Do you have a basement? It's funny no We I need an office

I was right How hard could it be I could make a base All right I'll make a basement All right I'll make a basement I didn't even think about that. I did you got the garage? Like, do you, is that part of your space?

I kind of have the shed, but I don't know. I'm not out in the shed. It's really just for shoes. Maybe you go out to the shed. Yes, I'm on the shed. Maybe you get a little AC unit out there. Get you a little treadmill out there, you know. It's locked from the inside.

Don't come in. A little green and purple treadmill. That's dead silent shack. You know what you think you're keeping your shed? What? Discontinuous snacks. Oh, man, I could. Come on. And that's what we're drafting today.

Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors, play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock paper scissors, shoot. Woo. Woo! Zach wins! Got it.

A vertical paper. Uh-huh. The new kinds. Like a stop in the name of love paper. Stop. No. I'm drafting now. It's my turn.

I'm allowed to have ice cream. Who are you talking to? Myself and a mirror. I'm allowed. You've earned it. You've earned it. What was the last time everybody got busy with some ice cream? Dude, I got a...

Oh, at the beach yesterday. Oh, what did you get? I got one of those... The strawberry ice cream sandwiches. Oh, man. Yeah, it was fucking crazy. The one that's a sandwich. Those are really good, too.

You know what's good as the bar with, like, that's kind of like... The crispy crunchy stuff? Yeah, I like that, too. You go to the place where you can just make it yourself, though, like, they'll put all the crispities and the crunchities on there for you. I'm talking about that bar, though, dude. I don't know why I was going to be so angry. That was crazy.

Yeah. I feel like to chill, yeah. Stop. You throw your drink at him. It's not funny, Sean. I'm serious. That's not what I meant slut. Why don't you go guzzle some cum?

That's the breakout. Sorry about that one, Ron. You can't play the game like you know in Air Force General's watching. Yeah. I know. I got some pine of Ben and Jerry's. I've been assuming that's been the case since episode one. by the way. Right. I got a case

of Ben and Jerry. I like how I just, right, I don't care. Case of Ben and Jerry is for my comics on Leash Night. Like a case? Not a case, a pint. Oh, I was going to say you like 12 pints, like God damn. So, Sean, I hear you very gluttony. Yeah, 24 pints, huh? Sean, I hear you have type

2 diabetes. What's your Ben and Jerry's Flav? It was a new one. I forget what it was called, but it was really good. Vanilla swirls. I like AmeriCone Dream a lot. Well, you know how there's late-night themed ones. What if there were Byron Allen's so I hear Like

With chocolate prompts Yeah So I hear you like Delicious ice cream So I hear you've been doing weird stuff with peanut butter So I guess you're having another scoop, huh? Not a bad idea

Byron Allen Hit us up, dude So I hear you have a fudge core Yeah I put I put chocolate syrup On my Ben and Jerry's And Laura

You put chocolate syrup on your Ben and Jerry's Does it have chocolate Are you in it? Yeah It comes fully loaded And I just What kind of chocolate sauce? Hershey's right down the middle

It's always too It seems like too dark For just a milk chocolate What other kind of chocolate sauce is there? The fancy ones That come in jars Like a glass jar Oh

Like the hot fudge Yeah yeah You nuke it in the Nicollary with some water He's pissed He's mad That's insane You think I have

Glass jar chocolate money Hershey's is made That's what Hershey's is How much chocolate are you You can't afford the nice one. Yeah. How often are you in this bottle?

I haven't mean it to talk you guys about that. You buy a case of Benigeries, but don't worry, Laura, I got the cheap Hershey's. I thought the Hershey's was for milk. Either way, I need to borrow some money. What about Turtle Show? You ever fuck with that? Yeah.

I don't know it gets hard. I remember when that dropped. Yeah. I also get hard when I see ice cream, so I relate to that one. You ever get so excited? You ever get so excited? You just walking around in my mesh shorts with a boner eating ice cream? You want some?

No, just for me. Hartchell. It's dipped. It's a dipped cone. Oh, man. Now, Zach is the winner. It's incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft before you do that. I will remind you it.

It's a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question. It's like scanning the shelves at a grocery store looking for something, and then you realize it's discontinued. Way! There he is. Now I like you again because you did a good job finally.

It means the world to me, brother. Shut up. Now you're on my shit list again. Hor. Hor. You trollop. Shut up, whore. You're indecent, Sean Jordan.

Oh, man, that hurt. Decent. Dastardly bitch. I never heard those but together. Yeah. I don't think they happen. You're a dastardly bitch, I say. Uh-huh.

You tepid little ho. This is the most educated pimp there's ever been? I think they're pretty educated. We're sorry for our dalliance with all these gendered insults. Obviously, all fantasy, everything doesn't feel that way. And we regret making light of it. You goofy trollope. Cut out, Ian's dumb apology.

I'm Sean Jordan here with more. Sorry. Shall we give him a computer, dude? Uh-huh. I don't know why that's... You dizzy cooze? All right, I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore.

I like this color. Thank you. It's like a darker gunmetal. Do you remember in New Orleans when Shane walked in with his basket of laundry and I smacked it out of his hand no less than three times? Dude, you weren't out there when Shane beefed it down the stairs. It was one of the funniest things. That was tough.

That was tough. Because he was just sitting there and he's like, ah. He was laughing immediately. It felt bad was that he was really in the moment. He was really like, oh, I'm joining you guys in the pool. Yeah. in it, I think we all waited a little bit because he fell in the yard concrete stairs

like on his back. As soon as he laughed. He was tough because I saw Zach's eyes first. And we felt like a gift. Come on. This is one of the hardest you ache. They said God gives its hardest struggles to its strongest angels.

It's strongest ankles. Its strongest ankles. If you would have said that, I would have peed the pool. There aren't three worst people on the planet for him to do it in front of. And Bronger was behind him, but Bronger was so drunk that he, like, I don't even think he took any of it in. He was just staring off. I guess we're falling. God, it was funny, dude.

He was the third member of Orphalian. Orphalian, Orphalian, and Orphalian. Orphalian. Slip and fall insurance Slip and fall at the pool That's the commercial She's actively suing the Airbnb Has this ever happened to you

Not only your attorney I'm also a client Hey Baba Have you had too much whiskey An Airbnb swimming pool I don't even think of that I think the stairs were just like Real slick

I think it was a combination Maybe It was like stairs. It was pretty late. Yeah, he had whiskey feed. Yeah, yeah. With him in there, there was so much like crawfish and all of our bellies. Yeah.

It was the next boil. I really love the way it tastes. It is hard to get as much crawfish as you want out of those crawfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you buy two pounds of it and you're probably like, well, probably like four ounces of meat. Meat, total, yeah. But it's like the journey. The journey is fun.

Oh, totally. Yeah. Maybe it's a neutral. Put in the top and then just like, you know, people come by. Yeah. Take some crop fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those old sausages in there, too. Oh, yeah.

And maybe it's like cold water where they're like the amount of effort to open the crawfish burns the calories from eating the meats. You're like, I'm actually good. What's that about cold water? Well, they say that when you drink cold water, it takes more energy to keep it in room temperature when you swallow it. So it's actually dehydrating if you drink super cold water. I didn't know.

that. That doesn't stop me. I love cold I drink it cold exclusively. It's a cold water situation. I'm more of a cool water guy. I have a new cologne called cold water. It's just stronger. Basically that means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first on the second round. Now, with that order, what will the order of today's draft be? I'm going to go nuts here. I got a clear number one, so I'm going to take the number one spot.

Tusconi. Then I'm going to go... Put me before, Sean. No, put me before Ian. Ian. You dastardly wench. Yeah And then Sean and David

Oh And Sean and David Just gone to Ian Sean David David David did you ever gone last before I don't think so It's exciting Your 10 is crazy

All right Is this year 10 yet Or does that start In September What are we saying? Gresham I don't think so I thought that was

I thought that was like some emotional music You were starting like What has it been 10 years I think it's 10 years already Gresham Damn near killed him It was late

It was late Discondi, you have the first pick and the discontinued snacks All Fantasy Everything draft and we'll get to that pick right after this short break. What is Crack and Bam? Here to talk to you today about wallets. This episode of

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rules and restrictions may apply. We're back. That's us coming back. He's going to point it at the ceiling. This one's a waste. He points it at him. He points it at him. He just lies to us.

Yeah, the show came out. We start talking about porn hub? Get the cameras this guy. Zach, it's kind of, it's time for the first pick, your first pick in the draft. The first pick. Okay, well, I got to go with it. It's, I think, a clear number one.

The original four loco. Oh. What is you? Have to. Very good. That was the alpha and the omega of my drinking phase. Yeah. Was right in that.

It was a dastardly combination. Indeed a dastardly combination. It would send you. Dude, I'd be like boxing at 4 a.m. You'd black out. There was a guy that we knew that fell asleep inside of a sprint store. And it was locked. Like the sprint's crazy.

The gate was down. How did you get in? I don't know. Wow. For loco magic Floated through walls It like turns you to the Terminator You can like seep through gates

Dude for like it was I feel like it was like 89 cents For a tall boy Two of those So for two bucks your whole night It couldn't have been 89 89 cents was it They were cheap

I mean when I first moved to Portland Was when I had one I never had one in South Dakota And they were like a buck A buck 50 I'd say at the corner store Thank God you would have never left I don't think I would Or juice that shit that shit

Was that the same Oh, yeah. Same kind of thing. There was, what was the one that looked like, the battery? Sparks. Yeah, so like, mall liquor. It was early. Sparks are.

They still got sparks. Small liquor energy drink. Like, they still have four loco, but I don't. They took the loco out. Yeah, what? Guarine, ginseng. It was for like three years. There was something going on in it.

It was like a psychoactive. It was the way people talk about absence. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seeing things and stuff. You just were gone. It was nuts. And it tasted like.

It wasn't horrible. It was thick. It was thick. Syrupy. They had the watermelon syrup. Mm-hmm. Which for me somehow was better tasting than just beer or liquor. Right.

Because even if there's some kind of orange taste to it. Some element to it that's fruity. Yeah. It got you through. It was such a ride though because like as soon as you popped it, you're like, something's about to give. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. By the time you're on your second can, you're like, it's. You couldn't even taste anything halfway through the first one. It's good that they took. it off the world. Yeah. People died. I think it was like a real thing. It's like that you know that Panera bread? They had that like caffeinated lemonade that's killing people. Yeah. Yeah. If you get a big one. Yeah. That's crazy. It's wild how much free will we actually do have. You really can't. You can go get a lemonade that will kill you. And you could pour vodka

into that lemonade. Oh yeah. A little Sean Jordan move. Sean Jordan. Into the whale bone. You never did that. Four loco in the whale bone. I know. Well, no, I didn't. I never put vodka into a lemonade for Peron.

I never poured anything into a whale bone. I feel like every time I've been kicked out of a bar was because of Four Loco. Met the attorney who defended Four Loco from the U.S. government. No way. Yeah. Because the, I'll try a short. What boat did you meet him on? Was he in his Joker cyber truck?

He was in Cincinnati. So he explained. that post 9-11 they Oh, you got that document Yes, absolutely. Yes. So post-9-11, they split up the governmental stuff

around the country so it wasn't all centralized so that to get a liquor license or all the liquor stuff was in Cincinnati. So I met him at a show that I did in CINC. And he was like, yeah,

they hire us because we're across the street from the court that does all the liquor laws. Oh, you mean like national lick? Yeah, yeah, like the U.S. So if I wanted to make it, if I wanted to be like, hey, I'm making my, like a drink, like an alcoholic beverage. I'm to sell at stores.

I have to go get like a nationwide liquor license approved so I can market this. If it was a new thing nationally like that, I imagine the FDA or somebody would have to clear it. Locally, I don't know what the laws are. Locally? For locally. But if you started like a brewery in Portland, I don't know what those rules are. Well, then you just have to get a liquor license in town and then to brew your own. I think beer is probably different than alcohol.

Anyway Well, they say to think globally Act locally. Four locally. Uh-huh. I got kicked out of a Rubo Casino on Four Loco. Did you?

Yeah. You're not the only one, I guarantee you that. He said, never come back, Karma Chameleon. You were hand-cranking the paddle wheel on the back of it. Yeah, it was a time, man. We had MGMT and Four Loco, and that would just be your night.

Those were the days. An electric feel, indeed. The original four loco An excellent thick God, that's such a good one. It's time for me to go first. I'm going to take the Chaco Taco Taco.

Is that discontinued? Those are gone. God. Really? They stopped the Chaco Taco. Why? It now was not buying those. That was one of those things

that was elevated a low-level thing. Absolutely. You know what I mean? Yeah. Salt and Straw and Taco Bell briefly brought it back, but that doesn't count. Taco Johns has it, I think, a little bit

I'm not sure if they still have it back in the Midwest Salt and Straw did one Salton Straw that's right with Taco Bell Yeah Oh that's sorry I used to love a OG Taco Chaco or Chaco is gone I like I like the weird

texture of that Waffle Taco Waffle Taco Waffle Taco Waffle Taco Of the Waffle Taco shell That was kind of like it didn't give up It would put up a little bit of a fight with you And I like that, you know?

Yeah. It was an amazing ice cream man. It was almost like you were splurging on the ice cream man. Yeah. It also felt like I think I liked it so much because it felt like an idea that any of us could have. Where it was like, wait a minute. It feels like they started at the name and worked backwards. Yeah, reverse engineer.

Right? I've done that with jokes. Huh? I've done that with jokes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, that's funny. The punchline first. I've got to figure out how to get there.

Yeah, Chaco, Taco, Taco. If they did, if someone was like, it's a chocolate taco, the first person who said chaco taco, I bet that felt like really good. He cracked it. He felt like an orgasm. He was quiet all meeting and then he just pipes up with that and they're like, holy shit. He got up, went for the door, turned around, said chaco taco taco, and left before anyone could react. And then he went home and told his wife. Made love to his wife.

Made love to his wife for the first time. For the first time since their actual marriage. It's good. You couldn't get a bad Chaco Taco Taco. But when you want a Chaco Taco Taco, that's like, Newark else is good. And this is not discontinued. But what's the one, the cone?

The drumstick. The drumstick. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Those are classic. They're like, take all of this. Yeah.

And like with computers, like, move it here, move it here. What is this? Minority reports. Yeah. Also, Chaco Taco Taco probably by weight, probably the most bang for your buck in that dessert, right? Yeah. Because it's, I mean, that shell can hold. It's huge.

Didn't they make bigger ones? Didn't they have like Chaco Taco Taco Chaco Barita It's just like fucking crazy Chaccarrieta Didn't they make a Magnetroroca? Didn't they have like a blondey strawberry type version?

They were getting down with some like variations They were getting weird Oh it meant like a strawberry shortcake Oh that would be so Here's my question They went out of business How? Right

That's what they had it had to be a choice It had to be an independent company Maybe they didn't fold into one of the brains Yeah Maybe it was like We'll die here This guy hoped his kids would get into the chocolate Taco

Game, but they didn't want that. They learned to code, which sucks. I don't want your life, Dad. I have no one to pass the

Chaco Taco Taco Fortune on to Count Chocula. He had to come to his, yeah. He had to come to Jesus moment like,

I'm too old for Chaco tacos. I can't. Count Tocula? Count Tocula? Sorry, I'm trying to take on. Count Chocatula?

Count Chocatula. He was a Romanian businessman. Count Chocatula. He came to this country with a dream and a waffle iron. And he had three kids and the only the one who showed the most promise was gunned down.

Chuck. Driving in a convertible in Dallas, Texas. He was killed by a drumstick. He was killed by Jerry. Mysterious dessert circumstances. That's how they're going to get me. Desert circumstances. Desert circumstances.

My man, dude. It's a lot like the herb Albert where it's whipped cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dessert circumstances. It's the one with an ice cream cone on each and apple. Or a man, it could be anyone. The Chaco Taco is my first pick. Sean Jordan,

time for your first pick. Those Flintstone push pops. Oh, yeah. They had the blue ones, the orange ones, and the purple ones. They had the Dino, the Fred, and who were the blue ones? I can't, Wilma, maybe. But, oh, they were so, so good. They had Dino, Fred, and Wilma, I think.

I don't know. I like the orange ones I remember. That was Fred. Those were really good. Those were so... It was like middle school gelato. Yeah, it was. It was, like, creamier than...

It was another one of those... It was another one of those elevated things. It was like yogurt or something, and you could like... The blue was Barney. Plus, I love how... Blue Raspberry Barney. How perfect the, like, the plastic device was. You could really get it all.

Like, there's nothing left. Oh, yeah. And I would like hollow it out. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, dig little craters. You pull it out and then, yeah, hit the ends. Yeah, those things where I don't know why they, it's another

one of those things where I'm like, people were buying those. They were selling. I always get mad too because there was always like, there was the tube and then it'd be already kind of pushed 20% of the way and you're like, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me the whole tube. What are we doing here?

Give it up. But like, they should have just shifted to another cartoon. Maybe they were like, the kids don't like phone cell. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hannah Barbera didn't want to shell out for it. Yeah.

They should have just been like, all right, now it's a bar. Simpson push pop. So what? It feels like the push pop is gone. They don't do any kind of that push pop shit anymore. And if you think there's not a link between that and the all right thing happening with the kids right now. Yeah, Charlottesville. Yeah, Charlottesville, absolutely. We got a, because I just did, I just got this from an ice cream man yesterday on the beach. Yeah. And there's more ice creams than you remember them. Yeah. Like a lot of stuff is still kicking in a way where you're like, did you see any push pop situations in there? Because that's where you're going to find them. Do like a horchata push pop?

Oh, look. Bro. No, I didn't. With like coconut flakes in it? Sometimes I like the fruit popsicles where it has chunks of the fruit in it, like the strawberry. Yeah, yeah. Yep, get out of here.

Should we be making our own push pops? Maybe. Whoa. I mean, we made popsicles even. That's like one of those things you try to float to Dana and hope that she takes over. Like, I don't know, could we even, I don't even know how we could even. You try to make her think it's her idea. Did you just say push pops?

You should do that? You said how much push pops? That's awesome. I'm going to go take a shit. Why don't you make that? You just do push-ups until she can't take it anymore. And she's like, why are you doing so many push-ups? And you go, push-pops.

Yeah, we should do that. We should make push-pops. And then do the shit thing. We're trying to teach Hardy push-pops to say. Push-pops. Push-pop. What? I guess he wants one.

The thought of being like, all right, I'm going to go take a shit. You should do this. I'll let you handle You take the wheel The thought of even like All right well before we roll I'm just gonna take a shit Should we be taking

Arnie to like the pediatrician at some point? Anyway I'm gonna take a shit You sit on that one Yeah I change his diaper Reminded me I gotta take a shit Came out like a push bob Wait a minute Wait a second

Oh, that's so funny. You learn how to cry out of one eye. Sorry, I just had a memory. One of my favorite treats from childhood. I was taking a shit earlier. Dana, I was taking a shit earlier, and the poop coming out reminded me of push pops. Did you ever have those? We should make some.

You get the keys. Like, let's go. What do you think about when you shit? You can use the toilet paper roll. We're just throwing these away. the toilet paper roll. I grabbed your, I grabbed your toothbrush. Proof of concept. I poured a bunch of milk in the toilet paper while I put in the freezer.

Toilet paper push pops. Oh, dude, if you homemade toilet paper and it's fudge. So you really lean into the... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah, yeah. So it looks like that. Yes, yes. For parties for second birthday? All right, yes.

birthday. You put him in diapers? He farted in the bathtub the other day and we started laughing and then he started laughing. So he's already laughed at his first fart. Big day. Oh, that is huge. Has he moved in the bathtub yet? Oh, yeah.

That's a tough. That's so tough where you're like, oh, we got to. How much do I clean this? A lot. You've got to get like borax out. David. What? Oh, you met like how much should I get it?

Like if I, okay, if I was single and I just don't leave it. accidentally I'd be like I just wash it out you know I probably wouldn't clean it too much we cleaned it pretty intense yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah for her I'm saying I don't respect myself time for your first and second picks life savers cream yeah oh they're so classic flavors you're so good orange the strawberries and cream yeah yeah yeah is there a butterscotch one you can't remember maybe that might be the orange one I used to take them to school. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was chocolate and caramel.

Ooh. Okay. Yeah, that's the one I was thinking of. Then the orange and then the strawberries and cream. It says here you can still buy these. These came back. But I still think they count. Yeah, they count.

Do they not still count? Okay. I mean? No, they can't. I say it counts. They're back now, though. Good news. I don't love a hard candy and these were like the best.

Oh, yeah. You know, like hard candies kind of. You're like, how do you synthesize like a milky creaminess? Mm-hmm. Okay, they were licensed to a new company. That so we don't even, these are, these might be schmata cream savers. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Cremsavers. Can't afford them. It starts with a K or something. These stroganoff flavored crem savers. Now we're in the building. Shout on life savers because I feel like they had an Adobe website that had games on it. Really? You could play like, candy stand.com.

Yeah, snowball fight. You could do. And they were all cream savers. They had mini golf. Mini golf, yeah, bowling. There's like a. Did you know there's like a subculture of guys who during November will become cream savers? Until the end of the month.

That's such a better way of saying. Like, nah, it's cream save November. Cream save November. Just a little whisper of cream on my mustache all the time. Is that better than no nuts? Yeah, crew savers. It's somehow glassy. I thought you meant cream on the mustache because of no, like, no shave November.

No, dude. What? Wait. Wait, what is you here? I'm not coming. I'm coming on my mustache. That's why you said I just have a little cream on my mustache. It wasn't a blowjob job.

I was like, I'm not going to feed that bird. I was like, and even when I thought I was out, I'm like, oh, that's a funny little joke you made. I didn't realize. So there's dudes that it's no nut November? No nut November. And it's pretty self-explanatory? Yeah, that's right. Uh-huh.

That doesn't sound fun. No. What's that due for? It's a benefit. Your vitality. Other than make you rage. I think in December they nutmacks. Yeah.

Another discontinued item. Uh-huh. They defragged the computer. We were, was that, were we talking about that? Yeah, me. Defragging is like the ultimate old guy where they're like, I got to defrag my shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When we, yeah, when they had towers.

Yeah, yeah. My stepdad was real big on that, like, well, I'm going to be defragging the computer all day. The CPU? Like, he had to actively do it. It's like, no, it doesn't. He did anything. He's just watching it. Like, yeah, makes sense.

He defragged his joint. All the word documents, that's what we're fucking on my computer. They're not in the same place. All my frags from the bobs. We're probably not been on last night fragging fragging off

in the in the main basement on the tower Did you and another friend ever get called Frick and frack by an adult? Yeah, I got that

Yeah, freaking frack Is that the Tapper brothers? I don't know. No, that's clicking clack. It was very much like Tweedl D and Tweedle dumb

kind of a thing where you're like I love it when an adult thought something was going to sting and it didn't you know where they're like

oh what Tweedl D and Tweedle D and Tweedle dumb over it when they were actually mad and you're I sound like a fucking loser. Tweedledee and Tweedle dumb fuck is funny.

My friend's dad. He didn't want to give it to you. No. Yeah, shut up. It's your hat. You can't knock off your hat. Get it back. You don't deserve it.

Hey, nothing's going to make you 40 again, old man. That's fine. My friend's dad, my friend's dad found out that he thought we were crips. Okay. Now the story is, let me bowl over you there. I didn't even hear it because I'm worried about this story's sucking now because I built it up.

It's going to be bad. came up and he's like, he found out we thought we were Crips and he grabbed us both by the neck and he's like, you guys think you're vanilla Crips, huh? And we were laughing at him so hard. Like, what the fuck is a vanilla Cripp? What were you wearing when you were laughing at him? Swimming suits.

He came and got us at the pool. Singlets. And he grabbed us like dogs by our necks and was like, What's vanilla Crips? Like he's a white guy. But no one ever said that term. It wasn't a term that I ever heard. Do you think you looked it up on Yahoo?

You sweet, creamy Crips. Oh, do you think you're a creamy Crip, huh? You little 2%. I'm disconnecting your internet, so you're going to be cream-saving all month. Put that in your mustache. What's your second pick, Creamsaver? It's my second pick. Damn it! Oh, that's right.

This is a weird one. Do you guys remember Citra? Citra. Google it, and I think you do. I'm looking it up. It's spelled the way you would think. Yeah. C-I-T. Is it a food or a drink?

Drink. Soda. I bet you remember the can. Oh, I remember this can. That shit was good. Oh. You remember that? It looks kind of like a proto-la-croy.

Yeah. No, it was soda, though. Well, I mean that can't have the way it looked. Was this on the same, like, sort of the squirt block? Yes. Yeah. That's where you cream safe on your squirt block. All right, Dan, I got to take a shit.

Then we get a chaco taco down, squirt block. It's December 1st. I'll be on the squirt block all day. I got time. I'm a very. Vanilla crude. What are the dessert encounters? It was a Fanta product it looks like, maybe?

Yeah. Oh, is it a Fanta offshut? Coca-Cola here. It came out the same time as another drink. What is it? Is it like, it's called citrus? It's just like citrus soda. It was marketed as a caffeine theory, quote,

curiously crisp alternative. It was crisp. It didn't last for a long time. But yeah, I used to love that. crush a citra and I like the colors. Yeah, that can is really appealing. Give me a citra windbreaker today. Yeah, right?

It looks like if there was a Citra NASCAR windbreaker. Like when I look at it, I'm not thirsty, but I am thirsty. Yeah. I guess I could have. That with like some, with like a taco, like a spicy. Like a chocolate chocolate kind of taco. You know what I mean though? Like kind of like spice.

Yeah, and then you're like cracking one of those to cut through it. For a fucking Alpastore? Oh, yeah. Because it's citrus, so you're already working. You're already in that feel a little bit, but now you're coming out from a different angle. Pinser movement. By the way, the dudes who do the outpastor, shout-up to those guys. Yeah.

Were they shaved it? And then they hit the pineapple and then catch it in the taco? Unbelievable. That's a show all paper. Some of our greatest artists are working with cone meat these days. Yeah. As they should. As they should.

And probably always have been. Don't you go there and you like, could I have a, I don't know if you guys do this. if this is weird to ask, but you guys do like a savory chaco taco you should try that. Yeah, yeah. Have you thought about that? Citra, great pick. Sean, time for your second pick. There it is.

Oops, all berries. Is that gone? I looked it up and says they're gone. He said oops. How could they continue to do it? At that point, it's not a mistake. They're not a mistake. You just storm out. I'm one of the weirdos.

I like the Captain Crunch Balance. I prefer. I don't want all. I'd rather have all captains. I don't need a berry in there. I love the berries. I can tell. I like it when they screw up and it's just the berries.

I got to say I like it. It's been produced intermittently since 1997. Okay. So it must be like a McRib type thing where they bring it back. Does that not count then? I don't know. How does it feel in your heart? Because Creamsavers was definitely discontinued.

Okay. No, we won't. It's up to, You don't need to count it. I'm fine. I'll stay in the cereal world, though. You guys, I don't even know if you'll remember these because I was like three, but there was a cereal called OJ's that were just like cocoa puffs, but they were oranges.

You guys remember those? No. What? Yeah. It was like just orange. Orange flavored cereal. No, no. Just orange.

Just like, picture cocoa puffs, but just orange. Oh, like, but kicks? So would the milky like flavored orange? Like orange, kind of, but like orange ass orange. Oh, I don't know. They were. Turn the milk like milky orange. Yep.

Kellogg's OJ. They were so, I loved him so much. And they, they remind me of, like, early, like, one of my first memories was, like, having those, like, putting those in the carts. The mascot was a cowboy, a big, beefy cowboy. What was the company? Kellogg's. Kellogg's, Orenthall James. Mom, can we get some Orinthal James, please?

Yeah, they were, you know, they don't really make orange-flavored cereal. No. No. Maybe, like, Orange is one of the first art. artificial flavors they got to, though. Maybe. Yeah. What's like, I remember you mentioning about breakfast cereal commercials where there's always

like toast, cereal, orange and milk. Like, none of that works at all. Part of this complete. We never eat in orange and then drink milk. Well, they were trying to position their cereal next to healthy looking breakfast food, so it felt normalized, I think. When we didn't. Everybody ate all those things together.

Yeah. People things were natural. Well, they're just trying to be like, you know, breakfast foods, like waffles, fruit. Rice Krispy treat flavor cereal Yeah, that kind of thing Birthday cake fruit loops I still It's like a treat now

I'll get myself Sugar cereal I don't know Once every couple months or something Yeah Do you eat at breakfast or you wait? I eat at night So Max can't see

Yeah Yeah well because it is So she doesn't know it's there Might as well have a bowl of ice cream She doesn't like sugary stuff Yeah It's a trip Well she likes gummies

Sorry she likes gummies She doesn't like any edibles She didn't really smoke Yeah, yeah, I know She's more of an edible guy She's vaping Yeah man, the OJs They were

They were great Great pick Thanks man I never had them I never had them They might You all might be too young for them Honestly

They When do they I guess I could just find out When they were discontinued Old man Uh Time for my Second pick

Hmm I'm gonna take it now I'm gonna take surge I got to have a beverage on my board There weren't too many I wanted Surge is one that I definitely want Surge was big for a minute Yeah, Serge was so good

Right in short Yeah the first six months of Surge people were like whoa That was the first street change in high school Surge was like Janice Joplin man It was just beautiful to live for that For much longer Joplin for kids with ball necklaces Mom this is my Janus Joplin

They came to the school pounds two Kansas served? Every episode you managed to call something Janice Chaplin for kids who fall in that closer. You're on a street, David, and no one wants to talk about it. Did you guys have the street team? Yeah, they came to our boys and girls club. Surge!

Surge! They were like kickflip to, it was them in Mountain Dew. They gave us a bunch of free surge, actually, now that I remember. Whoa. Yeah, they were giving us cans a surge. It was... No, Mountain Dew did more. That's what I remember about it.

Mountain Dew when they came, they made like a pyramid out of Mountain Dew's and the guy like kick-flipped it and they had a mountain dewhammer. Surge they just pulled up and gave us a bunch of Serge. That's the car heans getting for Dana. Surge was like a, a Nissan Ultima. Yeah. They just opened the back. They were just like, they're warm.

They were like, don't come up till you're numb. Okay, so they like kind of brought it back in 2014, but not Coca-Cola. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And either way, it's still gone. Yeah. Also, OJ has gone in 1986. They were only around for like six months. Now, in Norway, they have something called urge.

Yeah. comes in a plastic bottle and they don't dye it green. You want to see something crazy? Urge? Hurt. Sheep talking. That's a different soda. Coca-Cola, when Coca-Cola was developing it,

their internal lane for it was MDK. The Mountain Dew Killer. Oh. No way. That's so funny. We got him. We got him. Also the logo design and everything was just so.

it was like green with a big red splatter. It was for kids. It was like if you could drink Reptar from Rugrats. It must have come out like right when Godzilla did. They're like, put some green shit in there. Yeah. Reptar.

Bright green really hits with kids. Yeah. Serge was dope. If I remember, it tasted good. I remember it. I remember it tasting good. It tasted like it looked. Yeah, yeah.

Also to tasted good to me, though, as a kid pretty much. everything. Yeah, like I didn't have a discernment. I never liked Pepsi. Anytime my mom would try to stop me, I'm like, what are you, a surge protector? Hey, check us out. It's my mom with an urge.

Oh, that's so sick. Yeah. I knew it was in there. Urge. Nice. Surge. It really is just straight up the same can. They probably just misprinted them,

and they're like, I don't know, send them to Norway or something. Maybe that means something over there. I think Serge is just a name over there, so it's like you'd be like calling a soda Eric here. Well, this must be a surge game gainsboard soda. Finally. Ooh, a cigarette flavored soda. Yeah, the surge in general got up for me.

Oh, there you go. There we go. The surge in general. If you're father-in-law had a surge, you'd be the surgeon general. Let's let's set that ad up, dude. Tuscany, time for your second, third bicks. Okay, boy. Lot on the board.

I'm going to go. There's a California wine. by Palmisson. Oh, yeah. Made by this very, whatever. So, Palmison makes brandy. Okay. But they don't make table wines anymore.

Yeah, okay. So I'm taking specifically Palmisson's table wines. I like that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You see it every day. I've had Palmason within the last five years. What's a table wine? Just wine? Yeah. It's like a wine. Yeah.

For having a rail bottle. Shout out to Adomian. Shout out to Adomian. So good. Yeah, I obviously never had it. But I would, I almost love those outtakes so much that I would, if there was still Palmison drinking wine. I would just do it. I would take a bottle.

It was Orson Wells, right? Uh-huh. If you don't know, just look up Orson Wells, Palmis. I mean, you just type in. He's also, he did a ton of commercials. So if you watch some of them, he'll be like, Palmisone. We don't make wine before it's time. Or we won't make wine before it's time or something.

They're really good. He also has like a pinky ring that he'll tap on the wine glass in the commercial. It's so funny. It's like any number of these things. He came like Paul Massan was a Frenchman who came to like America and went to, you know, wine country in California. and it started like a good vineyard and then it just got bought over and over and over again

until it became like gutter wine basically. Oh. Yeah. Pomerone. There's a California one. I remember a kid in high school, there was that Purple Pills song. Oh, yeah.

And they said Palmason, but this kid in high school thought it, he like didn't know the words. So he thought it was Parmesan. Absolutely. And he would pretend that he drank it. He'd be like, oh, I just like to drink a little bit of Parmesan.

and almost die because I can't follow it. I'm on that liquid parmesan. You'd throw that in my savory smoothie. That'd be all right. I've never had palisome. Pomousom table one. Excellent pick. And your third pick?

My third pick, the dodo bird. Now discontinued could mean anything. I thought we were doing discontinued snacks. One could snack on a dodo bird. Yeah. I looked it up. They said people that ate it said it was a cross between turkey and duck.

You're telling me you wouldn't. I'm back on. A big bird? Oh, man. A do a dodo omelet? I'll do a dodo sandwich. Dodo drumstick? A dodo drumstick?

A dodo drumstick? Oh, dude. Ooh, getting some of that Cajun blackened up horse head dodo? Yeah. Plus dodo it's just like, oh, I'm going to go down the street, get some dodo. Dodo nugs? Dodo and Provolone. That's the sandals.

Yeah. Dudein, what you guys ever had a sprout sandwich? Incredible. From the grocery store? Oh, no. They got a good sandwich situation. You know, sprouts were big in them. I don't say...

I was discontinued. Sprouts used to be on every sandwich. My mom had sprouts all the time. Yes. I never see sprouts anymore. Sprouts are good. Oh, yeah. People don't.

Yeah. You don't really see it on, it used to be on all, like, turkey sandwiches. Yeah. It was like vegetable sperm. They look like vegetable sperm. They look like vegetables. Yeah. Got a head on them.

Now they call them like microgreens. They're still like good for you sprouts. Oh, they've rebranded. Yeah. Yeah, microgreens now. You into sprouts at all when you were a kid? Is that, does that bring them? Yeah, I love sprouts.

The hot food there specifically is really good. Okay, now our streams have gotten crossed. There is a grocery store called sprouts, and that was what he was talking about. What we're talking about is like sprouts. Oh, literal sprouts? Yeah. Yeah, they used to put them on every sandwich back in the day. It was hard 90s core.

Never see them anymore. I don't think they were prevalent in the Korean community. I'm not sure, though. What about the sandwich community? The sandwich community for sure. The community that binds. We're talking about the Earl of Sandwich and his community. And his community. Is there a overlap between the Korean community and the sandwich

community? There is. There is now. But it's very recent. It's tentative at this point. It's an uneasy piece of. Yeah, it's a shaky union. I like how you guys just like went over Dodo very quickly. That was I think one of my favorite picks you've ever done. Oh, thank you very much. Yeah, I started researching

extinct meats. Is that the most I'm doing. Did you? Okay. Oh no, I was kidding. It's just women who died. Is that the extinct meat you'd want to try the most? Well, there was also one I didn't want to I was thinking that maybe you were going to take it, but it was called something someone sea cow

and they said it was three times. Yeah, three times bigger than like a walrus or whatever they're like a sea. What are the sea cows called? Manatee. Manatee. It was three times bigger. But they were like, the reason I didn't pick it was they were like, oh, sailors said it was like a fattier steak.

But I'm like, yeah, but what does sailors know? I'm going to trust their opinion? Those dried up dickheads. They come for a lemon. You know what I mean? Oh, they know what steak tastes like? Yeah. The do-do I'm like, that's poultry.

It's pretty hard to fuck. Any poultry is going to be dead. No, that's a good. You can eat albatross on a ship. You can't get a cow on that. Exactly. That's sound logic. That's sound logic.

Yeah, the stellar sea cow. went extinct and... They moaned them out quick. They did. But when I read, they were like, within 30 years, they're gone. So maybe they were good. Insane. It's probably just so big and slow that it's like...

Yeah, they're like, hey, it's like shooting a sea cow in a barrel. Very cold weather sea cow, interesting. They're so big. I just, I don't know, something about mammals of the ocean meat is a little tough. Yeah, you want fat land meat. Yeah, you want fat land meat. Like whales, dolphins. I try hippo given...

Yeah. Hippos aren't that fat, though. Oh, it's not? No, it just looks like that. It's like all muscle. Damn, so you got to barbecue it. I think it's more of a lean meat than you would think. Like, I don't think it's like cow.

Like, I don't think you'd get the marbling. Maybe, though. What if I wrote... This is just like an Instagram. A wag you hippo farm. First of all, what are you selling? Yeah, I'm gonna say nothing to do a hippo. You only feed it like oops all berries or something.

I'm just trying to. to see with the meat. He's like, hey, we do Bachelor Party. You gotta pump this baby up before we could get it. You can eat it? You cannot eat it. I'm going into the back. I don't even sleep here.

You put on a blindfold right in front of the party. Either way, fellas, check out it's at 11 a.m. Yeah. You boys enjoy yourself. There's a tranquilizer rifle. The shed. The do-do bird. Time for my third pick.

I'm going to take the Doritos 3D. Oh, yeah. A chip. That was a marketing thing. It was a marketing thing, but it was so fun to eat. I didn't. I remember I didn't like them because the texture was different than regular Dorito. Yeah.

It had like a thicker, it had more like a potato-y kind of texture. With the issue. There was like lines in it, right? The issue they ran into, I think, was that they would like break in the bag a lot. And then they were just crumbles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They looked like they were 3D printed. Uh-huh.

That was around the time they had those chips that gave you all that diarrhea. Those baked ones. Olio. Remember the chips that they were like, these are no calories, but everybody got terrible. They called it anal-eak inch. I don't remember. It was the term to art floating around there. They were called clear outs.

Get out. A little colon blow. I got it. They're the original scoop. Shee Gilgis Alexander trying to get to the rim. Hold up the fist. Nah, I got it. It's isop play.

but they were just fun. I liked being able to like homp, like crush them in my mouth with my tongue. I'm a powerful lord. Yeah. Or you just or leave one in there

and just let it kind of slowly dissolve? Yeah, definitely. This is what happens if you cross me. You die a slow acid death on my tongue. Would you like it the easy way

and the hard life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be dying whether or not it is painless is up to you, pool ranch. Now now, Mr. 3D.

It's be a rough day in the kingdom. Whole bag's getting it. That's not to be unreasonable. King is sour. Your king is hungry? Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. Cookies and cream twix. Is that gone too?

They still have those. I saw them in the gas station. Cookies and cream twix? Yeah. Do they really? Let me see. He'd know. He would know.

Oh, I thought they'd been gone for decades. He's on the highways and by with. Oh. Let's see. After 30 long years, I finally found one. Is a post I just saw? you can get one They're back

They're out there They're back They're back They're back They're back They were this They are back They've been gone forever

Well it counts Well that's sick They were discontinued Yeah Yeah that counts Okay Oh it does count Yeah

Oh tight They're back I love them I did I'm sure I feel bad about No no No no

We each have some of these Okay Yeah I love them They were always My favorite And they got rid of them They were gone

For Up until When did they come back A couple years ago or something They said they were taken off at January 2020, so they really missed their fucking... Oh, everyone's going to be home eating fucking candy.

You blew it. Is that when they discontinued them? In January 2020? You blew it. You idiots. Nice. Right? You stupid idiots.

You fools. Imagine that. You're the guy who's like, nah, what could happen? My combination video game machine slash sourdough bread oven. Video game machine. The hell? They had four kinds. They had peanut butter, regular twigs and cream,

and then there was another one. I can never remember what it was. But I always like cookies and cream the best. The cookie dough one? Cousito Twix? Carolina white sauce? Carolina white sauce? Alabama white sauce.

Alabama white sauce. Carolina white sauce is Tyler Hansborough. Sounds like Mr. November. 12 points a game. Reasonable. Reasonable. They had twigs that were filled with tuna fish for while.

The cookies and cream Twix, it looks really good. What was that? What was going on in there? Oh, that's an ice cream bar. Cookies and cream twix, ice cream bar, Sean. I'm in.

The cookies and cream twix was just chocolate, the cookie, and then the cookies and cream. You know, so instead of caramel on top of it, the biscuit part or whatever, they had cookies and cream mixture. It looked like an Oreo ice cream looks, that sort of mix.

Are the Twix attached? Do you have to break them off each other? No, they're broken. They're broken. Okay, yeah. Kit cats attached. Kit cats attached. I long ago was eating Kit Katz in that way that disturbs people.

Where you just eat it like a brick. Like a solid line. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So it is weird when you, it's like the four pieces and you take a corner out of like three of them. I like doing it. Yeah.

Well, you're nuts. It's like a sandwich. You go end to end. Yeah. You go into end. Yeah. Oh, it's almost like a serpentine draft. It's like a kick cat.

It's like a kid cat. If you're a crazy person. I can't knock my own head off your head. Head? Backwards Don't call me a dick Now you just punch me in the face To get it off

That was on the air Oh David Time for your third and fourth pick Okay this is like It was a short window But man these were good If you could get a hold of them Do you remember Planner's Pee B crisps

Yes That shit was delicious It was like a peanut butter inside Yeah Yes dude And they were like kind of a crisper Crackery. Oh, I remember those things were good as hell.

Yeah, were they kind of sweet. Yeah, they were sweet. They were sweet. It was like a cookie. The show was kind of cookie-ish. Yeah. Do you fuck with bambas at all? Anybody ever get those bambas?

It is a... No. We're not bringing this part into it. Israeli snack. Okay. I didn't say anything. Israeli good. Israeli good snack.

It's like a white set with an accent. It's like a P. It's like a P. crisp. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a peanut-y, it melts in your mouth

kind of like peanut snack, peanut buttery peanut snack. I like that. They're not shaped like peanuts, which takes away much of the whimsy. I like that. So many times right there. It was fun.

Peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut, peanut. I like snack foods that are shaped to be the foods that they're mimicking. It's a fun thing. What is that called? There's a name for that. Is French? Tromp Leol?

Tront de l'ol. Something like that. Yeah. As soon as I said French. You played it off. I think attention for the time. Sounds good on my hand. It's Trompleol.

It's French for deceive the eye. And it's, yeah, it's when like a food load. Oh, the original is this cake. Yeah, yeah. Am I right, wrong? Yeah. Is this cake? The original is this cake?

The original is this cake. Uh-huh. Yeah, they had flavors of that, right? Were they flavored peanut butter? Yeah, they were so good. Yeah. Phoebe Crisp fucking ruled, man. That's one of those where you're like,

this ain't, this might not make it back from the grocery store. It's not your mom's peanut butter. You're crammed in the back of the vehicle just kind of looking over what you got. Yeah. Pre-opening. Oh, it was, I didn't get my hands on them a lot, but it was a problem. Did your mom ever punish you by, I'm only saying this because my mom did this.

My punishment was that I wasn't allowed to come to the grocery store so then I couldn't get my input on. No. On household matters? No, you're assuming I had a lot more input. Like I was like, I was in there shooting shots. I was shooting shots. Like, hey, what about?

And they weren't going in. This seems crazy. It says zero calories. I was at Winko really trying to offer up my opinions, but much like the green party. You know what I mean? I was just like, this is our platform. And my mom, the president was like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Yeah, there was no.

Oh, man, you're going to have that with Artie, though. Oh, yeah. Like what's he's going to, what's the maneuver for him? Old boy is, I mean, like. We're keeping him. off sugar for as long as possible. Yeah. Which I think is a smart thing to do.

Yeah. But I think like my policy is going to be to not keep it in the house. And treats are going to be treats. So if we want to do like a sugary cereal, we can do that. That's going to be like the treat that we're doing

that weekend or whatever. Like whatever the timeline is. But then when we're done eating it, we're throwing it away. You make him go to barstow every time. What's a sweet treat? We're driving to Barstow. they only sell ice cream in one place but I'm not trying to like make treats feel like treats

I'm just like I don't want to like deprive I don't want to be like the kid eating caribout you know what I mean like wherever it else gets chocolate but after the dentist though that's tough did you ever get after the dentist ice cream or anything no my mom would always yeah it was like after we would go to the dentist and if we got like I mean it was so counterproductive

and the dentist he's like did you learn nothing yeah exactly Immediately you went across the street to the fucking ice cream shop? Although you wonder if those two businesses were a little hand-shaked cream is. I would not be surprised. We send our kids to. We send each other's kids to college. He's like, hey, you know, you did a great cleaning today.

Here's a coupon for a free scoop. They're like remoras and sharks. Oh, yeah. They're all the Medici. That cheap, man, it's tough because once they get it. Oh, yeah. Does Max do it? At the grocery store does she go like, I want that?

She wants gummies all the time. every day she'll wake up and she'll bargain for treats because daycare or whatever like they just start getting treats and then it's in it's in there you know it's tough yeah oh yeah it is tough because it's that same shit where you're like you should enjoy it treats a treat you don't just get them all the time my thing is I'm built different yeah I keep forgetting you're him that is different yeah I'm built I'm just built the same I'm a man of um of uh of extraordinary character As someone with no kids One of my favorite things is staying at someone's place

And they do have kids and it's Halloween And you get all the kids They're going to sleep They only get two pieces a day Just go nuts You know a newer thing It's called the Switch Witch Where like parents will say

Okay you take your candy The Switch Witch is coming And so you take all the candy And give the kid like A present Basically And it's a parenting trend That sounds reasonable

The Switch Switch Switch took all your game. Switchwich got stung last night. Oh, damn, you got nothing. Well, sometimes the SwitchWitch does that. The Switchwich is broke. It's an old haggard woman who comes in and hits you with a stick. She broke off the tree. Oh, you got the Switch bitch.

One out of ten. One out of ten, sorry. And she keeps coming here. She took all your candy and you've got to clean your room. She brought you homework. She made sure your teeth are well fastened in there. You woke up with braces. Isaac is insisting we take a break

insisting we're going to do it we'll be right back with more all fantasy everything I have to go pee so bad go pee and we're back going back to all fantasy everything and it's time David just took Peeb Chris but it's time for his fourth pick fourth pick

oh man do you guys remember this string thing no look it up yes I do it was like it was like a fruit snack but you would pull it out and you could do stuff yeah yeah yeah

but it felt like that stringy licorice but it's extra small? Would it come with like things for you to make art with it? I do remember this. It would come in like different shapes and stuff. Yeah like a big circle. Oh. Oh, this is like a fruit by the foot type situation. Yeah, type of thing. Man. Yeah. I remember really asking for those a lot. Yes, there was like a rocket ship so you would like take the outline of it with the strength. Yeah. The marketing really got me on the strength thing. Those were fun. It's like drawing. Yeah. I'm I guess I'm not an artist.

Yeah, I'm pretty much learning with these strength things. Bad for my teeth, good for my brain. I remember one time my mom wouldn't let me come to the grocery store, so I paged her. Back when you would... Not the grocery store? Yeah, yeah, like, Mary Tiscani, you have a call? And I was like... Wait, not on her page her?

Like, on the grocery store? I called the grocery store. God damn. And I was like, put her on. Mary Descunny, your son, your disgruntled sons on the phone. There was a family emergency on line one. And I was like, if you don't buy me slim gyms, I'm going to break the TV. And my mom was like,

go ahead is that what you told her? If you don't buy me drugs I'm going to stop hanging out with my worst friends You must have been an intense little boy Oh yeah

I think I was on a sugar crash Right then So if I don't You told her if you don't buy me Have you had a previous conversation About string fit Or about sling or did you open up hot? I think that's why I wanted to go

To establish we are getting the slim gym Yeah She said no go And then I was just in there steaming And thinking like, how can I... It'd be quite the move if you didn't even... Hadn't even brought up Slim Jims. She's like, what?

By the way. My opening offer is, if you don't buy Slim Jims, I'm breaking the TV. Third place is you're fired. Oh, Slim Jims are for winners. Slim Jims are for closers. I'll take Slim Jims all tough out in Oberto. Okay? Oh, boy, will I?

Yeah. A cocktail pep, I'm fine. You said Slim Jim is like you're A number one, right? Yeah. There's something about them. Well, there was, I juice. It's the juice. I used to peel off the skin.

And it was like flaying, flaying your meat. You had that joke about putting M&Ms in there and shooting it. Your meat sheet. Yeah, your meat sheet. Filling it with Eminemps. You can fill, you can fill up. Like stuff in a kilbasa. You can do it.

You can squeeze all the meat out. Yeah, we have free will. That's the thing you could do on earth. Yeah, there was a whole process with the slim. Jim. You know what I like now is they have Dill pickle flavor ones. I do like that.

Those are pretty good. I like those Tabasco, those hotbs. The green ones. Yeah. I don't think I've had a straight up Slim Jim in a while. They're good. Now they make thick ones too.

Oh yeah. The big boys. Big boys. The monsters. Do they just call them Jim? James. James. Sir James.

Can I get one of those James? Hey, did you see that news about those David protein bars being like full of false nutrition information? is your company you're like your walls are crumbling he's like no I'm never

if one more person brings it up Alana I'm fucked started to lock in on it's asbestos how was I supposed to know? There's black gold in the bars I did not know that I just thought I got a good deal in a warehouse

the lawsuit has been dropped oh dismissed god damn right The work I do for that made USA stamp I'll tell you that I'll say that it's made in an embassy

in the Philippines well there's ones you eat during the day those are Davids and if you eat them at night they're knivids in nightpids Knivd Nive Nivid Nivin Nivin

Shant have your fourth pick I want a cola on there I'm going to go Jolt cola Jolt did they stop making jolt Do you think they stopped making those Like objected up right? It was like too much caffeine. It was like more than caffeine than two cups of coffee.

That was like the very first big time. Jolt Cola never stopped. They still make jolt? Yeah. I didn't look that up. Yeah. The brain is done. You know resurgence.

Yeah. I had. They're probably just, it's probably rare to find them. Whoa, all right. Whoa, there's a new. There's a loop here coming out. Yeah. Well, still active.

I don't think it went away. Yeah. Well, this is their time to shine. Everything. jack up the caffeine. Yeah, they're like, remember that lemonade? That's not us. Yeah, yeah. Well, let me do this. Let me throw

Crystal Clear Pepsi on there because I never got to try it. Yeah, me neither. I never ever had it. It always bummed me out. I remember seeing it at Lewis and just tons and tons of it and never wanting to try it. That's one of those things that's at the edge of my periphery. For memory, I... Yeah, like, barely. I was like really little. I only know it as a reference.

Yeah. I remember the commercials and everything. I guess that happened. Same thing with, well, what were the commercial? You can say it. No, I won't because somebody might pick it. But it was just showing that it was like

that it was white Pepsi and it was all splash. It might have had Sam. Salakota it said, finally. White, Pepsi. Pepsi for you. Pepsi for us. Drink of vanilla crip can have.

Hi, I'm a white man and I'm looking at a soda that will hit the palate. of my ancestors. I'm looking for a pre-integration soda. I'm four. Why did they cancel it? You don't have any post-antabellum sodas here? I honestly think people couldn't make the leap in their brain.

The Pepsi was supposed to be dark and if it's clear it tasted worse, I think. Like clear Kool-Aid. Yeah. Because now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I only know it as a... It might not have even, what year was it out? Maybe I, maybe I don't. 92 to 94, it says. Okay.

Oh, really? It would have been, it would have been. Man, I was in the sweet spot. I was older than I thought I was. I was 11 to. I was a Crip. That's when I was a Crip. I could have Cripp still clear Pepsi?

I would have bet anything that was in the 80s thing. Yeah, me too. I always said like mid 80s. Also, you're kind of just on its face. I'm kind of like, how do they make it clear? Like, what kind of shit did they got to make it? Like, oh God. It's probably just the absence of shit.

Well, they say that Coke is naturally like green. It drifts up. And they color it caramel colored. Like when they make the Coke, it's green flavor. Because it was someone online who actually figured out the original formula and he made it on his own. And it was like light green. Turned up dead three days later.

Exactly. Along with all those scientists. The scientists, the Boeing, the Boeing pilots. It would be so great. Like all these scientists and then like crystal clear Pepsi. He knew two months. He's just a roommate with the scientist. Time for my fourth pick.

I'm going to take orbits. Yeah. I couldn't do it. It had sediment. If anyone doesn't, it's a clear drink that had a little like globules floating in it. And it was like lava lamp. The bottle was like a lava lamp.

Yeah. Like a clearly Canadian. You drank the globules, right? Yeah. Protobobobo tea. Literally around for like, it came out in 97, was canceled on like 98. 90s. Oh, 8, 96 to 90.

It got me too. It got me tuned. It's literally, it was like around for two years, but it was such an important two years. I was taking the bus to my bar mitzvah tutor to learn Hebrew. And like I would get, like I could go to a convenience store on my own solo. I would get one of these every single time. You're like, orbits. That sounds like a Jewish last name.

Yeah, orbit. Oribis. Rabbi. The orbits. And it was just so, I was like, this is clearly the future. Probably all beverages are going to be like this within five years. It looked like a prop from a superhero movie. Yeah.

Like the thing that you would drink to give you the powers. It sucked. Yeah. And I knew that. Yeah. Even at that age, I knew it sucked. I can't even remember what the liquid tasted like. It didn't really have a defined.

It was so, yeah. There wasn't like, it was just like. It was watery kind of. Yeah. It was like sugar water, though. Yeah. Okay. And then the globules were.

small that there was no flavor to them. It wasn't a boba where it's a, there's like a sack of fluid in it. Right, right, right. It was just a gelatin little, yeah, that made me laugh. Little BB. It does look like what the 90s thought future drinks were going to look like. Yeah.

They were pushing kids hard on the future in the late 90s. Oh, totally, because it looked bright then. But like the Jets. Yeah, right. Nobody was bummed out yet. They were like the Jetson's future, though. That seemed like to be what they thought. It looked like it would be in a, in the Batman and Robin movie.

Where it's like Poison Ivy drinks that and then gets her power. Joel Schumacher got his hands on making drinks. And now, Joel Schumacher had it going. He was cooking. Plus, somehow they got it to where the

lobules would be a different, like it wouldn't all set down at the bottom. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Sitting at different levels and you're like, how did they do that? How did they do that? It's like drinking a science fair project.

Now a plot point in Nirvana, the band that show the movie. Which I hear it is funny. I've heard it's so good. I haven't watched it at all. Maybe I'll rent it tonight. just kind of time for your fourth

and then your final picks oh boy okay um I gotta go this well I'll wait for that to my last pick I'm gonna go the tangerine authoids

oh yeah the tin yes the orange ones oh my god yeah man those would fuck up your mouth after a while

but yeah that would really like it hurts so good teenage meth mouth not to mention there was something big about candies that left you with a container. Like that tin thing, you could be like,

oh, I'll put weed in it, I'll put money in it, I'll put whatever. How much is this weed gonna be? These are the only two assets I had. Yeah, yeah. No, in high school, an aluminum, like an altoid can of weed,

you were like, what are you rich? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was classy. Yeah, yeah. Just to have your weed in something that wasn't your sock, you know? Right.

Right, yeah. There was something about getting the tin. Or cigarette cellophane. And it was like altoids, so you felt like it was a little, elevated in terms of like I'm an outtoid man Outtoids are what is that

350? Yeah. Curiously strong. Curiously strong. Still got them in the car, got them in the backpack. And they lasted, man. Those hard ones were I can't do the toids.

I do the toids. You got them in your backpack right now? Yep. Break bread. Huh? Break bread. He says break bread. Break bread.

You want some? Crack them on. John's like, hold on. Wait, there's bread too. Get the altoy. Bust it open for a real one. But they've made. There's someone making knockoff

Tangerine Altoids. They don't like touching them. Yeah. They're too chalky when you touch them. I don't love that. No, there's just like, I don't even know if it's like an established

candy company, but you can buy them online. Somebody's got to pop the trunk? Yeah, like hard sours or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Toids, bro. Oh, you got the turquoise. Oh, you're a blue guy.

Toids, yeah. I mean, did you notice? Vanilla Crips shit. This guy, like, regionally, people were doing the freeze dried candy and then all the companies found out, oh shit they're doing freeze dried candy so then the company started doing it remember like before you'd see the skittled freeze dried it would just be like

some guy in that town making them right yeah yeah yeah you'd see it like a street fair I feel like I know I said I can't do the toids but you just did a toy I had two yeah I always do too when I do them I always for toid for that makes them class it was for toid it's for toyed it was for toid in the prophecy I toyed you so I tried the toyed you. I toyed story. And your final pick. And my final pick.

Oh shit. There's a lot here. You know, I'm going to go with the easy squirt ketchup. That was the green and purple. Ketchup and mustard. The weird colors. Yeah, the purple one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was always so much more muted that I wanted it to do. Yeah. It was not bright green. No, no, the packaging definitely lied. Yeah. And I remember trying to float it to my parents like, we should use it in the restaurant. Like, come on,

like a Halloween burger. No way. I think that's cool. Yeah, I mean, there was no way. Maybe on Halloween. I like your parents had a lot of interesting conversations at night. Make a Halloween burger. I'm going to break the TV.

Do we need to get Zach a therapist? Zach's just got like a dessert therapist. Oh, man, I used to break into the restaurant at night and eat creme brulees. Really? Yeah. Freamed, like the night before. Yeah. Like, I wouldn't even blow torch him.

Yeah. I'd just sit back there and eat it. Cool. And then I washed the dish. So I'd wash the dish. No face, no case. And then flip it at the back. So it'd be like, oh, I guess you must have got tired when you made the creme brulees.

I got to make the last one. Raccoon must have come in. So you were just having creams. No brule. Oh, dude. Yeah, exactly. Oh, so good. I would have done the same.

But yeah, I don't even think we got them. I think we got one. one of the ketchup. I think we got the purple ketchup and there was something I mean like you said it wasn't as vibrant but there was also I never realized how you're just trained that ketchup is red and even as a kid

I couldn't get past it. I was kind of like this doesn't look appetizing if it was bright I would have been able to go like cartoon mode. Oh yeah like a muted thing. Yeah. Yeah. It looks sick. Yeah. Yeah I couldn't do it. Nope. Never successful. had a good time with that.

I was never big into ketchup. No, you're not a ketchup guy. You're a little bit now, right? My wife likes it. Ice, are you okay? Oh, he sneezed and it's boogers. He's got boogged. He's got boogies and now I'm ratting him out on the pot.

Oh, he's making green ketchup out there. He barbs whenever we talk about purple and green ketchup. And now to make sure he can't edit it out, it's time for my, just had boogers. Next pick, boogers. He got surrounded. With my final pick boogers, Isaac had boogers. It's so fucking cold in

here. I always get like, you know, my... Are you cold as shit, dude? I'm I'm under... I think I'm under whatever the currents. We should be recording over there. You guys saw Byron Allen was going to come by, right? Yeah, yeah. We always... That's why this table's on lifts. We leave his... I tried to get a picture.

It's impossible. I mean, it would be so obvious what you're doing. I tried. Like what are those at, 8 by 12? What are you cut? Byron, those are nice shoes. Get them out of the way. What are those?

With my final pick, I'm taking kudos. Oh, yeah. Candy bar disguised as a granola ball. It was the... It was dipped in chocolate. Yeah, they were candy bars. And it was just a sugary granola bar dipped in chocolate. It was the, like, football practice,

baseball practice, like, whatever sports practice. this like clutch half-time snack or whoever's turn it was for team snacks would hand those out. They had M&Ms in them. They had M&Ms in them. Those like tiny emin'emones that probably just kudos was getting.

They were great. I loved kudos. Yeah. They would like, I imagine. Yeah, great name. Great name. They all felt like they were made in the 80s and they had just like aged until then.

They were just trying to keep kudos a lot. Yeah, hard as hell. Yeah, hard as hell. Kids don't use kudos anymore. The kid's saying kudos. It's like the Hershey Symphony. Bar Symphony.

Who are you selling this to? Adults. People who listen to classical music and want a chocolate bar from a gas station. Hershey's Jazz bar.

85 year olds of the sweet. Honey, I got us two tickets of the symphony. Fuck. For real, though. Dana and I went

to see Gustavo Duda Mel and afterwards we were both like, we both had like a good time but like it was, but not really. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like we were like, oh, that was interesting. Right. Yeah. You would have rather Gustavo Caramel. Now that I'm into.

Duda Mel's a pretty cool last night. That's like somebody would call me in a sitcom in the 90s. If I was just picking off a list of what was available at the symphony, I probably would have hoped for that too. Duda Mel. I've been like, all right, yeah. A jazz bar would be great, dude. You keep thinking about knocking this hat off my head.

I can see it in your eyes. I wasn't that time. Okay. You're looking at my mouth, weren't you? I'm always looking at your mouth, dude. Sean, time for your final pick You're probably all too young for this too, but boppers. Do you guys remember boppers?

Twist it? No, they were, they're like Nut covers. You mean Isaac's card? They're like Nutcovers? I thought you said nutcovers, right? I thought he said nutcoard

ice cream chocolate bars. Yeah, we know you like nut cover in the Lost Boys. If you're familiar with the Lost Boys, very, in the old fart section of the grandpa's fridge, he pulls up the thing and he's got boppers in there. They're like, uh, I don't know.

Oh, they look good. They're really good. They were, I mean, that's again, like a brief brief window where I was getting those as a child, but they are, they were so awesome. They're made by Nature Valley. Whoa. Before they got into the

What do we clean up all this dust with? Rub an ice cream bar on the floor. Peanut Butter, Bob, They came back out because of a stranger things. Oh, God, did they really? Yeah, but they were gone. Can I get, they're out now? This was December 3rd of 2025, which was not that long ago.

I didn't. That. Oh, I found a recipe on how to make them, but you don't want to make them. I don't want to make them. You know who made bopper? Yeah, no. Fuck all that. I want them made for me, but they were amazing.

Maybe I'll make you some boppers, buddy. I'd be hyped, dude. Boppers. Boppers. David, your final pick, the final pick at the draft. Fruitopia.

Oh, yeah. That one was like, that was a movement. There was a green one. They were doing all kinds. There was a green one. Yeah. There had machines at home.

We had a machine in middle school. That was the first thing we got. There was a cloudy blue one. Yeah, they had cans and bottles. I'm surprised they didn't make it. Yeah. I don't know what, because they seemed to really popular.

203. Soda juice, dude. They weren't very good. No, they weren't very good. They had like a chemical aftertaste, you remember? Yeah. But it was like, yeah, it was like a cool kid drink for sure. It feels like Minutemade kind of took what they were doing.

Yeah. Like Minutemade has the blue lemonade or whatever. Right, right, right. They have the weirdest names for these things. Can I read them to you? Yes. Strawberry Passion Awareness. Sex forward.

Kiwiberry ruckus. Oh. Beachside blast fruit. Blueberry watermelon wisdom. Whoa. Was this like, because it's over now, was it supposed to be like a utopia? Like utopic thinking maybe? Oh, I thought it was to say it was going to.

Green apple eugenics. Yeah. Well, orange undercurrent, tangerine wavelength, raspberry psychic lemonade. That's exactly what they were doing. Cherry redlining. Fruit integration and cherry vanilla groove. Oh, okay. Yeah.

What do you think it was going to be like? Sobe where it was like, this is for smart pill. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Sobe was crazy. Remember, they were used to trust kids with glass bottles. Yeah. Yeah.

There's a big glass bottle. Fruitopia for the mind, body, and planet. Yeah, right. None of this is 0% fruit juice. Planet money. They were readily available. They were always at school. Oh, yeah.

You get Fruitopia any day. It was maxed out because it was Coca-Cola. That's where they, yeah, yeah. They were like, get them out. Are they kids still get to do that at school, like buy soda and stuff? They still got like soda machines on that? They said they have machines. We had a school store in high school.

We had machines in my high school. They were trying to ride the Snapple wave. They were. Snapple was just made from the best stuff. Snapple's delicious. Snapple was so good. Snapple's still around. Did you ever think, when Sobe initially came out, I thought it was S-O-B.

So a lot of people would say so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I always thought Soby was so serious. Get me a can of a bitch, I'm a. Until they came out with that Liz Lightning or whatever. The milky one? Like the one where the lizard was like snowboarding and then I was like, oh, I thought this was for refined gentleman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's he doing up there? What is this? Mountain Dew? He's a skier. You were decanting your sobi until then? Mom, I've got a creamy white. Where's my soby sniffing?

You got to let the carrot juice sobi breathe. Isaac, do you have a pick? Yeah. Yogos. You ever have yogos? Oh, the yogurt popables. The little, yeah, they were so good. They were introduced in 05, so that I was just in the pocket for these.

And then they went away yoga. Damn, I forgot about shark bites. I was going to pick shark bites. God, those were amazing. Did you guys ever have reception sticks? No. Reception sticks. Is it for punishment?

For breaking the TV? I would only find them at T.J. Maxes. Oh, no. Like behind, like, where you already went through the counter? That's not a food restaurant. But it would be like a clear cube, and you'd open it, and there were little candy sticks that were chocolate covered. So it'd be like a cinnamon one. There'd be like an orange one.

And I cannot find them. They're not even made by like independent. Well, it's candy companies. It was made by some like, off-brandtouch. Oh, a candy reception sticks. Yeah. Have you seen those? Did they look familiar?

They do look familiar. I feel like some restaurants would have had them, like, as opposed to a mint. You would just get one of those. but they were good it was like a little candy stick Oh I have seen this It's it's like a candy cane Yeah

Covered in chocolate It's like candy cane wrapped I have seen these Um Yeah What were the other ones Oh the soda that came in a lunchable That was gonna be one of my picks

Oh They had the coax in there Yeah Whatever their soda brand I found a place you can buy a recept Oh no no I'm sorry discontinued See I know man

I've been on those sites I'd just slam the brakes I'd been there I had to slam the brain I know, and you're like, I had to order, what? Yeah. Blue Pepsi was another one. Oh, uh,

Blue Pepsi was nasty. Did Butterfinger Beebees ever come back? I don't think so. I'm not sure, but those were. Yep. I like, I like Butterfinger. Do you remember the Smutterfinger? Skittles gum.

Yes. It came in that like, little rectangle top. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hershey swoops, the chips.

Oh, they're like cringles. Yeah. Those were good. Oreo cakesters were gone, but they came back in a big. way. Vault. It came back in a big way. Vault was Mountain Dew's energy drink?

No, it was Cokes. It was after surge. They were like, we need a new one. So they went vault. Me and Nick the Impa called it vault. I just remember, do you guys remember Josta? Yeah, with the Panther on it. Oh yeah, it was like a Brazilian.

Yeah, the Garana soda. Yes, that was the first time you were like, Girona. Corona. Hardly know her. Fenn-FINFIN. Remember the Sprite remixes? Yeah. They do them now, but there was like tropical.

There was Aruba Jam. If you guys remember potato skins, the Keebler potato chips that were like the long skinny. They were so good. Danoninos. I don't know what those are. What's that? It was like yogurt for kids. I just liked it because it was a fun.

Oh, Danon. Oh, is that the ones that had the stuff on the top? Yeah, they'd be like strawberry yogurt. They're still making those Nestle white bars, those nestly. That's a texture white Those white chock you know what I'm talking about The Alpine white chocolate The good kind

The tax paying chocolate You know what I'm talking about The Nestle white chocolate now Milky bars Milkie bars? No They have Nestle crunch white It sounds disgusting milky bars Nestle white chocolate milky bar

Yeah those were They had that commercial Alpine was like a horse Going through the snow You remember that commercial Creamy white Alpine white Nestle makes the very best

N-E-S-T-L-E-S Anyway, those were done Fruit stripe grown That got just continued Yeah I feel like you can still get that Let me go I feel like you can still get that

At like World Market though You can get it in hell Yeah It was always a trick Because you're like Wow there's so many pieces But it would take you It would be gone in three seconds

Three seconds Eat them Bad tattoos Yeah bad tattoos Was just the draft making that one Well what we took was Just got anyone first thing. He took the original four local.

Paul Messon wine. Two booze picks back to back for you to lead off, not when anyone were to thought. No. The dodo bird number three. That's after the four loco. Tangerine altoyeds and that gross ketchup. I went second. I took the Chaco Taco Taco, Surge, Doritos 3D, orbits, and kudos.

Sean went third. I had one second. He got the Flintstones, pushpops, the OJ's cereal, cookies and cream, twicks, crystal Pepsi, Boppers. David went last. He took LifeServis, Cream Savers, Citra, P.B. Crisp, straying things, and Fruitopia.

Yeah, man. Sounds like a good grocery bag to me. They're still making bubble yum and bubblelicious. Those still? Yeah, I think so. Okay. Remember they had the bubblelicious LeBron's lightning lemonade or whatever?

Yeah, that's right. That sounds dank as hell. Well, we want to hear your pick, hit us of an All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout to everyone on the AFE Patreon, where you can get mailback episodes, bonus content. or that episode's auction drafts and of course our belly watch

along. More movies forthcoming. It ruled. Shout to everyone on the AFVE subreddit, the AFC Slackany, if that's still around. Shout to our wonderful producer, Isaac Haley on the ones and twos. Shut to San Su Carmel. Shot to Haji Beach. Shat to do more important than all that. Tune to get next to another.

Brand new episode of all fantasy, everything. That was a HeadGum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan. And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right.

We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot.

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