All Fantasy Everything - Emojis (w/ Jamel Johnson and David Gborie)

Episode Date: January 31, 2019

I'd write an intro, but we're drafting emojis with Jamel Johnson and David Gborie, and that seems wrong. Episode Guest:Jamel Johnson @nonprofitcomic IG: @broccolihouseSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that has some soda-related smoke for you later. And then, uh... Very excited about that. And is also fucking brazenly wearing red hats. Listen, man, they don't get to take it from us. I'm fucking saying, man... I'm not gonna wear it. I look like, I'm not going to wear it.

I look beautiful. It looks beautiful with my complexion. I got the dad cut. That's the Seattle University hat? Yeah. The fucking dad hat? It's beautiful? Mine is Justin's Boot Company.

Justin's Boot Company. It's gorgeous. It's actually a fucking tight, it's a wonderful hat. It's a great hat. Look at the back. It's got the little logo back there on the side. I love it. I love it, too.

I hate the fact that it's weird to wear red. I got a beautiful red hat that I got right before the whole Trump hat thing kicked off. I mean, here's the thing. Just look at me. It obviously doesn't. You know what I mean? I understand, but guys, don't let them take that from us. You know what I mean?

Honestly, they took them from y'all. I think it's a white guy issue. Yeah, it is for sure a white guy issue. That's true. I didn't mean to rope you guys into our whole thing. It's like, I'm sorry about that. I haven't caught an extra look once. Yeah, you guys are probably all right, actually.

No one's ever seemed to mind. They don't think it's a diamond and silk situation? No. Oh, no. No. Are we going to do a diamond and silk sketch? I think that's what the world's asking for. Are we not going to do quartz?

Quartz and cotton? Those aren't. That's not. Well, maybe another polyester. I don't know, man. I'm just trying to think of another. What about opal and velvet? Oh, now that's it.

Opal and velvet. See, I just needed a combination of precious stone and fabric. Yeah, that that's it. Opal and velvet. See, that's I just needed a combination of precious stone and fabric. Yeah. That's what I'm here for. Opal and velvet sounds like something grandmas used to get drunk on. Yeah! Your grandmother, she would have three or four opal and velvets. It's brandy that tastes like soap.

Brandy that tastes like soap. Why are you drinking this? Because grandmas aren't allowed to drink tasty liquor. My grandma on my mom's side was so gnarly. She would drink McNaughton's. That sounds so bad. It was bad. That was some deep.

Shout out to Sue Carmel who's listening right now. Her mom. Yeah, McNaughton's. I think it was whiskey. Yeah. It had to be whiskey. Sailor whiskey. You can get yourself a bottle for $8.99 right now. Oh, yeah, McNaughton's, I think it was whiskey. Yeah. It had to be whiskey. Sailor whiskey. You can get yourself a bottle for $8.99 right now.

Oh, yeah. It's because they make it on boats. Hell, yeah. There's no tariffs. Yeah, there's no. That shit was bred in international waters. Yeah, the rum runners didn't go away. They were plastic.

It's definitely like whiskey that comes in a plastic bottle. Like ancient age. RIP to my Aunt Minnienie my great aunt minnie she used to get trashed and like i remember one time she took me with her to the liquor store like across i'm from virginia but she would go across the bridge to dc to play numbers at you know like dc lottery numbers wait was the dc lottery better than the virginia it was just a different it was just two different lotteries there was a virginia one in the dc so we would double up she went over people on state lines trying to get that lottery back yeah yeah playing

both playing both states against each other but was she not a resident of dc what no you could just do it oh like you're just walking the store play fucking dc like powerball or whatever the fuck okay you know what I mean? And then, like, just some dudes were standing out front, and she got back in the car, and she was like, I knew I should have brought my pistol. And I was like, I was like eight. And I was like, oh, shit. How many is raw?

What time of day was this? This was like three in the afternoon. Yeah. Did the guys give you any golf? No. Wow, all right. She had just seen some dudes outside and was like, in the afternoon. Yeah. Did the guys give you any golf? No. Wow. All right. She had just seen some dudes outside and was like, should have checked these. Man, you certainly can't deny a woman her experiences.

You know, there's been times when she should have had her pistol. Yeah, no. How many was a thug? She used to run numbers in like the 60s. Big time thug. Shouts out to Arlington County, Southside in particular. I would love to run numbers at some point. Right? Yeah, man man it just sounds it

sounds i'd like i'd like to casually stroll numbers down the street not a big jogger i used to david used to meander numbers for the armenian mafia yeah yeah yeah i sort of just looked like he was walking down the street a lot chilling oh man yeah grandma drink my grandpa just used You know what? It's chilling. Oh, man. Yeah. Grandma drank. My grandpa just used to drink brandy. Ooh. Yeah. Like what kind of brandy? I don't know, but he had like celiac disease or something.

Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. So he actually couldn't do gluten or whatever, and I guess brandy doesn't have gluten in it or something like that. The only brandy I ever drink is E&J. Erky Jerky. Yeah.

Erky Jerky. Shout out to how many. She was Erkin Jerkhead. She drank E&J. Oh, for sure. Man. Cognac is brandy, right? Yeah, cognac is brandy i ever drink is e and j irky jerky yeah shout out to how many she was irking jerkhead she drank e and j oh for sure man cognac is brandy right yeah cognac cognac brandy classier i'm gonna go on record as saying cognac i can't handle the power whoa did you have a bottle of cognac that one night no that wasn't cognac no it was cognac and i was drinking in the pizza parlor cognac makes me nuts that's right yeah we and I was drinking in the pizza parlor. Cognac makes me nuts, man. That's right.

Yeah, we were sitting in a mid-range Italian restaurant. And I'm trying to drink D'Ussé? That's like I can't live like that. Yeah, you weren't ready. I'm not built at that speed. It was sitting next to you in the booth. I almost wanted to get in a kiddie seat. Yeah, man.

I was going to order an appetizer. It was driving. How do you think I got there? The Ducey drove. I don't have a license. I went to Vegas a couple weeks ago, and I was wild. Man, they'll give you Hennessy, but not a lot. But I'm at the roulette table, and I'm like, Hennessy straight, please.

And they'll bring it. They brought it. Yeah, a little thimble. A little two th'm like, Hennessy straight, please. And they'll bring it. They brought it. Yeah, a little thimble. A little two thimbles of Hennessy for you. That's all you need. That's all you need. I just want a Hennessy base coat. I don't want to.

Yeah, yeah. I need accent colors. I can't build the whole house with that. Oh, yeah. You use it like a vermouth where you just spin it around the glass and then pour it out. Yeah. Can we do that? Before you pour my Pbr yeah just give it a

hennessy wash let me get a pbr with a hennessy wash that actually sounds pretty hard guys because they'd have to figure it out like if you just said that if you're just like yeah if you have to say it like it's nothing yeah like let me get uh let me get a goose town ipA with a Hennessy wash. They're like, uh. The most brazen part of this is PBR getting poured into a pint glass and not just handed to you in a. That's a good point. In a paper bag.

Can you just top off my PBR with some Hennessy? A Hennessy floater? Yeah. I just want her on the top. I want a Hennessy flotilla. Yeah. I just want to run the top. I want a Hennessy Flotilla.

Man, I looked up Remy Martin Louis XIII Cognac. $8,000 for a Magnum of it. Yeah, Ja Rule used to drink that. That's fucking crazy. I don't know how I know that. I could not enjoy that unless I didn't pay for it. I couldn't enjoy being drunk, though. I don't think that there's any liquid that's worth that much money. No.

Spinal fluid, maybe. Maybe. How much is an ounce of spinal fluid? These days? I mean, under the Trump administration, I will say it has gone down. I will say the prices have dropped. But during the shutdown, it's shot up. It's way up.

The last three weeks, I've been killing it on all my spinal tap futures. Spinal fluid futures. You got to get in the commodity game, folks. At this point, it's the only real way to left-nave money. It's the only way you're going to buy a house. Tap your neighbor. I'm hitting up cousins I barely know, tapping them like a maple tree. Yeah.

You can put blood in there. Yeah. Fill it back up with blood. Yeah. Or plasma or something. It's fine, man. David Borey in the studio. Yes, sir.

At the G is silent on Twitter. At the GSI on Twitter. At CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. At Beautiful HeadGum Studios. Finally. We're finally back. With Marissa. In the presence of super producer Marissa. We've been gone so long.

We saw you at Faded the other day. I was out of town. Oh, you were out of town. I was gone. Yeah. Marissa, we got to get you like a microphone or something so you can chime in. Yeah. Yeah?

She said yeah. Yeah, she said yeah. Yeah, we have to figure out logistics. She agrees. All right, cool. Two years in. Shit, now somebody has to do something. God damn it.

Quick tangent, because we're drinking LaCroix's. I got the key lime flavored LaCroix at the crib. Is it different than lime LaCroix? It's different and it's not great. Is a key lime from the Florida Keys? It's from the Florida Keys. So is it like a zestier? It is a so key limes they use to make a

key lime pie and I honestly don't know the difference between a key lime and a regular lime. Yeah. But I just know the pie and this LaCroix. You know the difference is a key lime isn't marrying my daughter. That's one thing. Yeah. Right off the bat.

All right. I don't mind. Key limes are definitely divorced already. Yeah, absolutely. Key lime's got a condo with a leather couch in it. Yeah. Oh, man. Damn.

After my dad got divorced from my mom. Leather couch? He first moved into his friend's houseboat, which was a classic move. And then he got a condo with a leather couch in it, man. Those both seem hard bachelor moves. Hard bachelor moves. I don't know what it is. The houseboat is wild.

I don't know what the river's calling to you. I don't understand it, but he did. I need to sleep by the sea. And then he moved in this condo. Then he proceeded to live in his own houseboat for the better part of two decades, it felt like. That is crazy. Yeah, house felt like. That is crazy. Yeah.

Houseboating. So, okay. Here's a few questions I have about houseboats. Can you just pull anchor and leave? No. So, well, I think there's certain houseboats that do have motors on the back or whatever, but that's like different. These were like floating homes.

So, it was just a house that existed floating on the Columbia River. Is it cheaper just a house that existed floating on the Columbia River. Is it cheaper than a house? I think a little bit, but not like... Not enough to make it seem reasonable. Not enough to make it seem reasonable. He had his boat parked out back, which was kind of cool. Yeah. And it was

a nice house, you know. When you played outside, would you just like jump in the boat? We just wouldn't play outside. We just wouldn't play outside. No. Because there's not neighborhood. There's not houseboat neighborhood kids. There's a parking lot up a ramp. That's pretty much where I grew up.

In the summer, you could jump in the river, but it's Portland, Oregon. So it's not like it was a long period. Yeah. That's rough. Caught sturgeon right off the back of it, though. That's pretty cool. That's a dinosaur fish. That is a bastard of a fish. Man, they fight. They got spikes down their back.

Isn't it hard to cut them, too? Yeah, they have a real tough skin and they can live out of the water for three days. Three days? Three days. Oh, so did your dad have to, like, hit it with a bat when he got it? Yeah, he had to beat the shit out of it. Oh! Sometimes you gotta fight fish, man. They don't go down easy. No, the ocean is far too brazy. Oh, yeah. They do it right a bat. Yeah, yeah. Beat the shit out of it. Oh! Sometimes you got to fight fish, man. They don't go down easy. No.

The ocean is far too brazy. They do it right to you. The ocean? The ocean can fuck off, man. I mean, like, I don't fuck with it. Not deep. What do I need? An anglerfish?

I don't need that in my life. Terrifying shit. It's all ugly. Everything's slimy. It's all slimy in the ocean. It's got membranes. Yeah, I don't want that. As few membranes as possible in my life in 2019.

What do you got coming up? This is out next Thursday. This is out next Thursday. At the end of the month, the weekend of February 28th, I'm going to be at Go Bananas in Cincinnati. Featuring for me is a young Zach Toscani. Oh, Calzacula. Good little weekend. And then the next weekend, I'm going to be in Portland with you.

Oregon. Oregon. That's in Oregon. Oregon. Oregon. Whole team's coming up. Whole team. Marissa coming up.

Yes. Sean coming up. There. Zach Wright? Zach says he's coming up. Shane? Zach Wright on that acride, dude. Yeah.

He's going to be drinking Ackwright. Dan Ackroyd is going to be there. Dan Ackroyd. Shane might still be there. Shane. It's going to be. Yeah. It's going to be crazy.

St. Sue Carmel is going to be on the mic for a small portion of one of the podcasts. Yes. We're going to pull her out of the crowd. Yes. Me and Marissa were talking about making Sean pick us up from the airport. We should make Sean pick us up from the airport for sure. 100%. It's either going to be Sean or one of those 80s limousines with a hot tub in the back.

There's only two ways to get out of the airport. I would be equally as happy to see either. Yeah. Like one of those ZZ Top Chops. Right, exactly. We got Jemele in the studio as well. Hey, hey, hey. Jemele dropped an at nonprofit comic on Twitter.

On Instagram, though, it it's at Broccoli House Broccoli House what do you got going on man what do I have going on while I look it up shout out to Elena Beard WNBA champion for RLA Sparks shout out to Kara Braxton and Kim Braxton the two best athletes to ever come out of Westview High School

two WNBA athletes sisters so yeah I got Braxton, the two best athletes to ever come out of Westview High School, two WNBA athletes. Nice. Hell yeah. Okay, so, yeah, I got some new shit over like East LA way. It's at like the first Sunday of February. It's on BroccoliHouse.com. Look it up, fool. That's the thing.

You gotta give them the website. Yeah, yeah. BroccoliHouse.kizom. On Deck is the second Saturday. On Deck. Blue Rooster, also where we have Faded. Bing Boing. Oh, yeah. I'm at the Satellite a couple Sundays in February. Wonderful show.

Fuck with me. Wonderful program. Yep. Yeah. And you DJed at Faded. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll be running some boards.

I'll be playing some Tony Braxton. Man, I'm breaking my heart. Add a few Fadeds if you need me. Baby, baby, baby, baby. Ooh. I get it. It's just so goodeds if you need me. Baby, baby, baby, baby. Ooh. I get it. It's just so good. All of the hottest black sitcom actresses of the 90s in that video.

Remember that video? Yeah. And they're just like. The Fox was in it? They're looking at beefcakes. Yeah. That stuff was dirty. Through a sliding window.

Yeah. Like. Oh, man. The glass goes up and it's just honks flexing yeah these cakes look different in like uh thin white button-ups than i do oh beefcakes are made for thin white form you ever seen tay digs in a white shirt oh it's beautiful fantastic look on mine you can kind of see my chest hair through it even like through the fabric you know what i mean it's a bad look translucent yeah here's a bad look. Translucent.

Here's a question I have for you. If you're wearing like a white t-shirt or like a gray t-shirt, do you ever just get the kind of sweaty where just your chest hair is wet and then it's just got like these weird spots? It's not like a sweat bar. It's like a bunch of weird spots on your chest. Yeah, it's like coming up through the surface a little bit. Yeah, it looks like grass seeds. It's going to poke through your shirt.

I for sure do. Man, I never even saw chest hair coming, to be honest with you. Yeah, it just felt like it was really there one day. Yeah, I'm not really a hairy guy, so I never. I had chest hair before I had to shave my face. Whoa. Yeah. Isn't that weird?

That is a little weird. I don't remember it coming in, but I've been blessed with a lot of hair. You got thick hair. You're thick hair. Yeah. People like that, though. Yeah. Hairy is cracking right now.

It's totally cracking, yeah. I don't think it's ever been off. I've never run into an issue with it. I think I got the kind of look where someone can tell I have a lot of chest hair. Yeah, yeah. So it never gets to that point where they'd be upset by it. They come to you because can tell I have a lot of chest hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it never gets to that point where they'd be upset by it. They've come to you because they think you have a lot of chest hair. It would be crazy if you didn't have chest hair.

It would be fucking wild. If I took my shirt off, it would be wild. Whoa, that would be wild. My whole attitude is this guy's got a lot of chest hair. Yeah, it emanates. My whole attitude specifically is who the fuck does this guy think he is? Oh, he has a lot of chest hair yeah and there might be a gold chain on it yeah can you own a gold chain if you don't have chest hair i don't think you should i don't think you can i don't know why you would i think you have to register uh with like some sort of dmv

service yeah i mean what are you trying to sell that's a false bill of goods putting rims on a minivan i think i wanted to do that it's so bad in like 2007 that's not the point i had access to a honda odyssey had a honda odyssey with a tv in the back bro we had a playstation in there oh man he's playing tekken 3 bro man what about like get one of those dodge caravans like with a wood panel on the side yeah putting rims on it and making it real nice on the inside oh yeah i mean i've seen it at many costcos yeah i i that's true i've seen i've seen that i've seen that we're gonna we're gonna go on

the road this summer we're gonna we can i guess we can announce that now oh sean's in portland by the way uh we're gonna go on the road this summer We don't know the exact dates yet But all I know is I have like seven weeks off this summer We are coming So we're fucking coming Maybe we should get a van Maybe

That'd be kind of fun Man, because then we could just stop and swim wherever we want Yeah, exactly That's all I've ever wanted to do driving through America Swimming holes? It's gonna be the summer Just like pull off and swim But then stand by me

I don't want to get stand by me'd. Oh, left dead body? No, a leech on your nuts. Oh, leech on the nuts. You can wear a cup. Ooh, that might be it. Get some cod pieces. I don't know how to say this, but like, will a leech

go in your butt? Like in your butt? I don't know. I mean, a leech will get on, I think it's just looking for anywhere it can get in. But like, can it go in your butthole? Like up your butthole? Yeah. Okay, cool. No, that's a tight, that's a watertight situation. That's what I figured. That's what I figured. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how they

work. It can go around your butt, but I don't think it can go in your butt. I don't want that either. There is that fish that lives in the Amazon that will swim up your pee hole. I was about to say it could go through the pee hole. Yeah, pee hole. Oh, I don't pee in ponds. We could wear body glove wetsuits. We could wear wetsuits? Look at what you're weirdos.

Please send these fools wetsuits. They need wetsuits. Those fat dudes on the side of the road in wetsuits. Send these fools big and tall wetsuits. Send us two XXL and one Irish sized wetsuit, please. There's a bigsized wetsuit, please. There's a big-ass wetsuit. Please. Like the one that cuts mid-thigh.

Yeah, but our thigh fat is bulging out. Looks like a wrestling sequence. Yeah, send us some of those. Yeah, send us some bodysuits. Catch us looking like we're about to catch some tasty waves, except we're jumping into a pond. Yeah, just a gross pond. Outside of Pittsburgh or whatever the fuck.

But we're going to get to the East Coast. Keep an eye on that. We're coming to the East Coast. We're going to try to do the West Coast, too. Yeah, so we're with AFE coming East. Stay tuned for dates. It's going to be great. I got the DC plug if y'all need it.

We do. Oh, yeah, you got that. That's easy. I mean, that's, you know, it's already done. It's already. The checks are in the mail on that. That's already. We actually did it.

Yeah, yeah. It's already over. Don't worry about that. Why are we talking about 2016 shit? My name is Ian Carmel. At? At Ian Carmel on Twitter. And what is it on the gram?

At Ian Carmel on Instagram as well. Look at you connecting your branding. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, it's a full fucking run. That's how it's supposed to be, man. It's a full run. At Ian Carmel on Jewish StockX. Whoa. Just thick-soled shoes.

I feel like StockX is just Black StockX. Yeah, StockX is Black StockX. Certainly. I'm on Goat for whatever reason. I just got into Goat before I got into StockX. It's the same thing, though. I downloaded the Goat app the other day. Yeah.

And it's, I, listen, man. I look at shoes more than I buy shoes. I do, too. I just like looking at shoes. We might should go look at some shoes after this. Oh, you still got to look at the more than I buy shoes. I do too. I just like looking at shoes. We might should go look at some shoes after this. Oh, you still got to look at the Flight Club website? Or even the Flight Club store. The Crossroads over in Los Feliz is super bracken right now.

Oh, right now, yeah. Marie Kondo got the game fucked up. Marie Kondo's got all sorts of weird dunks. Dude, I got a pair of Air Max that aren't even on StockX anywhere. Those that you got? You got those at Crossroads?'t even on StockX anywhere. Those that you got? You got those at Crossroads? 65 bucks, bro. Yes. Those that you're wearing were at Crossroads.

Crossroads. Put them up one more time. Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah. Those are fucking beautiful.

Red Ranger shits, dude. Man. I look like one of the biker boys. Shout out to Tyrese. Now is the time, though. I mean, like, fucking go to, like, secondhand stores in Goodwill and Crossroads and shit. Get rid of your bullshit. So much stuff.

And get a rich person's okay stuff that they didn't like that much. Yeah. When are we going to open our own fat guy secondhand store? We maybe should. Oh, shit. We maybe should. Why isn't there one? I've been plotting on this for years.

Me and my fellow fat brethren, Stavros Halkias. Oh, shout out to Stavros. Shout out to the mayor of Comptown, you know what I'm saying? We were supposed to do this a while ago. We're going to call it Fat Riley's. Named after Hall of Fame head coach Pat Riley. Of course. And the logo's just him holding a hoagie.

I love it. Man. Fat Riley's. If you guys want in, you're in. I'll be a silent. Fair Rylies. Yeah, I got nothing. You're all greased back? Yeah, I got nothing to say. If you guys want in, you're in. Yeah, I want in. I'm in on Fair Rylies for sure. I want steak. I'll be a silent investor.

Let's go. I think we also need a little bit of run of first hand shirts and stuff. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's how you do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We'll talk.

You know what I'm saying? Put a griddle in the back. Start jiggering on breakfast sandwiches. start jingling all breakfast sandwiches put a griddle in the back is the funniest thing to say about any of your plans when you start saying that it seems like the griddle was the reason the whole time it was it's a sandwich shop it's just a place i can hang dry my throwbacks yeah it feels like you're It was. It's a sandwich shop, guys. Put a griddle in the back. It's just a place I can hang dry my throwbacks.

Yeah, it feels like you're trying to pit my ride a storefront. Yeah, a little bit. Oh, man. Oh, man. Put a griddle in the back. Oh, boy. Oh, there's a store on Melrose I went to. We were shooting outside of it. It's across from the Starbucks on Melrose that they sell a bunch of throwback jerseys.

And I went in there and he recognized me as a comedian, which means if he recognizes me, he'd probably recognize all of us. Oh, man. Yeah. I'm going to go in there with some jerseys. Because I've been wanting to get throwback. I've been wanting a throwback hookup since throwbacks came out. Yeah.

I know. Since the first throwback run. They were too expensive. Remember East Bay had like a couple? Oh, yeah. It would be like $300 for the Magic Johnson. Mitchell and Ness is going to charge you $450 for a Deacon Jones football jersey or whatever. expensive remember east bay had like a couple oh yeah it would be like 300 for the metro and this is gonna come to like charge you 450 for a deacon jones football jersey whatever you know i can't do

it gentlemen i'm not gonna say i'm the plug but i know where the socket is hey that's true i found a warehouse in vernon really yeah oh you want to found a where warehouse. Look, hold on. First off, I didn't even go yet. I met the dude. I saw his stand at the Rose Bowl flea market, and I dumbed out. Yeah. He had all the team beanies. He had everything. Yeah. And he's like, he gave me his card and was like, yo, come to my warehouse in Vernon.

We're open every Saturday. Everything, man. He wrote the address on the back like I'm going to fucking Men in Black, bro. I went. The shit was closed. I texted him. He called me back at 8 o'clock this morning. Wow.

And was like, look, dude, I got stuck in New Orleans. Wow. My flights got fucked up. I'm open this week, Tuesday through Thursday. I'm going down there and I'm seeing what's up. Send me pics. For sure. I had a hookup in college.

My dad has this friend who's involved in shipping for whatever houseboat community or just in general this was pre-houseboat community but this guy your dad's got a shipping guy this guy's involved in this is my dad's friend my dad like he's like uh you know he's on the up and up but he he's from Brooklyn. He's got a lot of like weird shipping friends. Tanker connects. He's got like some friends who were like multimillionaire software guys who he grew up with. And then he's got some friends who were just involved in fingers in many pots kind of guys. Top and bottom.

Yeah. He's got the top and the bottom. I love that. And this friend, Steve, has like, I'm not going to say the last name. You know, there's a lot of Steves out there. So you can't pin him down. One day, my dad just showed up with a bunch of throwback football jerseys. Oh, the statute of limitations on that.

That must have been crazy. It was crazy. He had all these throwback jerseys. Is your dad? And my dad's. That's awesome. What the fuck is going on? In the Jewish community, these knockoff fabric, they're called like schmadas.

So he was like, I'm in the schmada business now. I'm like, are we? So, okay. And his plan was for me on the Portland State University campus to take these jerseys and sell them on campus. Isn't this a plot of white boy Rick? Is it? I don't know. It probably is.

Ivan, my dad, the lawyer, was like, yeah, we're going to make some extra scratch. You're going to sell these knockoff throwbacks. One of which was like one of those right name wrong, or, oh, there's a Deion Sanders one, but it was just blue on white. It didn't have like the stars. So like, but some of them were really good. And some of those throwbacks did look janky.

Did look janky. So you couldn't tell for sure. So he had me out there. One afternoon I tried. I sold none of them, and then I was like, no, I'm not doing this. Also, what do you do? You got a backpack? Although I bought that Raptors jersey out of a suitcase from Jamel.

Yeah. Well, yeah, but you know Jamel. Yeah. Yeah. He wasn't like some kid on campus. I was just walking around Portland State University in a camp, which is not a throwback campus, by the way, really. It's a lot of like 34-year-old mothers commuting from the suburbs.

Norfolk State would have welcomed you. You're like, right, Norfolk State would have killed you. Even University of Oregon I would have done better. How many jerseys did he have? There were like 30 or 40 of them. There were so many. And my cut was I got to keep a couple if I sold some. So I wasn't even making like real money off it.

Okay, man. Because his reasoning was he was already paying for my college that year. How much did he get them for? I don't know. I don't know what Steve got them for either. We'll never know those numbers. I mean, they probably fell off a truck somewhere, you know. I think they did fall off a truck.

But if they didn't, they were purchased for cheap off a truck. I forgot about that until just now. Yeah. That's so funny. Ivan had me running throwbacks. I don't get throwbacks. Dude, I get it because my mom used to have Keith 30. My mom would buy iPhones off of eBay that were clearly stolen and then pay Keith 30, 40 bucks to unlock them and then flip them back on eBay.

Wow. Parents, man. They love crimes. Yeah. Damn. I remember eighth grade, my folks came up on a deep freezer. Oh, shit. Fully stocked with Stover's French bread pizzas.

Wait, wait. Ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. stocked, fully stocked with Stover's French bread pizzas. Wait, wait. Wait. We had to get the freezer to hold down the French bread pizzas. Some part of this transaction involves a freezer-shaped hole in the back of a grade school.

Or like a leak at the Stouffer's plant. You had a deep freezer full of French bread pizzas. And it really raised my profile in grade. Of course it did. Because the bad kids in my neighborhood started fucking with me because I had all the French bread pizzas. Oh my god. Let's go to

Jamel's. He's got French bread pizzas. For days. Out the ass. Good times. Did you ever find out how they got that? I know. You know, somebody had it. It was a grocery store, Conexion. Man. I'm going to DJ Vlad it.

We're not involved in enough hustles right now. Yeah, I got to get my French bread pizza game up is what I've learned this morning. Look, once we get rid of a couple pallets of French bread pizza, we'll take the profits from that. Yep. Begin the process to get the permits for Fat Riley's. Yeah. Then buy the griddle. We can get the griddle today.

Yeah. Let's get the griddle first. We can get the griddle right now. Yeah. See if we even want that store. Paper trail would be immaculate. Maybe we just want some paninis. Sorry, the griddle will build up around us.

Oh, I'm just hungry. Oh my goodness. We're gathered here today not just to expose our greatest hustles. In beautiful HeadGum Studios. In scenic downtown Los Angeles. Just a stone's throw from Skid Row. Keep charity in your hearts at all times, people. Help your brothers and sisters and non-binary people out there having trouble.

Help them out. Help them out. To draft emojis. Three dudes talking emojis. That's what we're going to be doing today. We got emotions and feelings that we can't express with words. You got feelings, emotions. Yeah, everybody knows dudes aren't good with words. Yeah, emojis have helped my...

So this is funny because for me, I was anti-emojis when they came out. Right off the jump? I was, I hate change. Yeah, same. And I didn't, I hated internet speak when it came out. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. When you started hearing people say LOL and all that shit, I hated, but emojis are in. It's in my

lexicon. Once the parents started using them, it was like alright, all bets are off. Yeah, my mom started using them more than me, and then I was like, I can't be out here. Oh, yeah. My mom's gonna out-emoji me. Sue Carmel sent a battery of emojis. Yeah, my mom too. I have Carmel still yet to, I mean, this may not surprise you after the

Shmada story. Not an emoji guy. No. No. Not a big emoter. Not a big emoter. But yeah, we are drafting the best emojis, our favorite emojis. Yes. The way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper,

scissors played between the two of you. All right. And we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. He threw up. of you. All right. And we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins. He threw up. All right.

All right. So it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of the draft before you do that. What kind of draft is that? Great question. It's a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? I don't know. It means one of y'all got to do the worm or something.

Somebody's got to do a... I think one of us has to do the worm. Is it me? Marissa? Can you do the worm? Do you know what a serpentine draft is? Marissa should be in the draft. Marissa, do you want to come explain what a...

No, it'll be great. It'll be great. It'll be great. Marissa's going to come explain what a serpentine draft is. All right. Let me turn on the microphone. All right. All right. great. Marissa's going to come explain what a serpentine draft is. Alright, so it's

kind of like when you need an explanation of what a serpentine draft is, but Sean's not in the room to explain it. So you dart your eyes to the left side of the room to see if Jamel can explain it, but he doesn't seem to have an answer. So you dart your eyes over to the right side of the room to

see if David could explain what it is, but he doesn't have the answer either. So you're kind of darting your eyes over to the right side of the room to see if David could explain what it is. But he doesn't have the answer either. So you're kind of darting your eyes left to right, right to left, back and forth, until someone in the room can come up with an explanation of what a serpentine draft is. Something like that.

Oh, perfect! Okay, so basically it means if you pick third in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Yeah, sir. Oh, okay, I get it. Perfect. Thank you, Marissa. As I like to say, ten points for Gryffindor! Shout out to Super Producer

Marissa. Shout out. On the ones and twos and the explanations. We don't even need Sean Jordan anymore. Shout out to Sean. Your job's looking shaky! Too bad, Sean Jordan. Shout out to Wally Pip Jordan over there. Yeah. Yeah, so with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Shaky! Too bad, Sean Jordan. Shout out to Wally Pip Jordan over there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Okay. Here's the thing.

I don't think there's going to be a lot of crossover. Yeah, well, I will. You never know. Maybe. I'm going to pick me first. Okay. Ian second. Jamel third.

Jamel third. I'm good with that. I got to give you in the middle, Ian, because I think- I'm off the hot corner. You're good with your words, so I feel like you're going to have a lot of good ones, so I don't want to give you a back-to-back. All right, fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll play Hurt. Whatever. David Boyd. Hey, that's not. We're football players. We are football players. There's only play in Hurt. There's only play in Hurt.

With the first pick in the emoji, all fantasy, everything. David, you are on the clock. Okay, so my first one. Yeah. Listen, Michael Che started doing this. He had like a whole breakdown about it on his Instagram. I want it to be known, I have been doing this for months before that. Okay.

But then I saw it and I was like, but I got to live my truth. I got to keep doing what I'm doing. Of course. I love the Black Surf Border. Oh, yeah. Black Surf Border. I love it. I can do it for anything.

It seals like a plan. Like if somebody's like, okay, does that sound good to you? Black surfboarder. Yeah, that says it all. Oh, tomorrow at four? Black surfboarder. Black surfboarder. It's just like a perfect point.

It's a perfect point. Man, my girlfriend broke up with me. Oh, black surfboarder. Because then it's also like get back on that next wave. Get back on the wave. Ride out. It can do anything and it just feels very me. Black surfboarder. Get back on that next wave. It can do anything and it just feels very me. I feel like it fits my personality.

It does fit your personality. I love a black surfboarder. All the way, shout out to the five. I'm the blackest. Some people have the whitest emoji. Here's my question. Is everybody using the emojis to match their own skin tone?

I know a dude who's not, and it's causing problems. It's causing problems in the home. Is it a white guy using black? Yes. That's a weird move. His explanation, if they didn't want me to use it, it shouldn't have been made available to me. That's insane.

That is a white dude explanation. You can't do that. You can buy a pickaxe. It doesn't mean you should huck it into a crowd. Yeah, man. We talked about it. He's cooled out, but there was a couple weird texts. I feel like there's a lot of that going on on Twitter.

It's crazy to do it during text. Yeah. Because you know it's him. That's a one-on-one or one-on-group situation. He's just out here doing the black thumbs up. Did you think you saw it wrong when you first got? When I saw it, I was like, yo. Is my phone just doesn't make everything black?

Yeah. Yeah. Do I have the black setting on? Is he driving? And his hand slipped and he can't, you know, like. Or is he doing audio text and does he say, that sounds good, Jamel. Black ass thumbs up. He says it into the phone.

Oh, man. Merry Christmas, Black Santa Claus. I'll send a Black Santa Claus every now and then, but just because I want Santa Claus to be black. But that's also like, that's different. Yeah. You're not saying you're Black Santa Claus. I keep mine yellow because I don't want people to think I took the time to go make the thumb white.

I'm that worried about it. Oh, I didn't even think about that. What's the base setting? Yellow. It's like the yellow emoji. You know, like an emoji face. Simpsons. Let me try to get into one

that I haven't used before. Yeah. Because I do always wonder about that. Oh, yeah. Yellow is the base one. Yeah. And then there's all the colors. Also, I have a – well, maybe this isn't for now.

This is for later. There's only one I changed the color of, but I'm going to pick it later. So I'll explain it then. All right. Black surfboard. Black surfboard is great. I think it works for everything. Also, shout out to Max B. All right. Black surfboard. Black surfboard is great. I think it works for everything. Also, shout out to Max B.

Yeah. You're wavy. You're riding a wave. Ooh, he's almost out. Excellent pick. Oh, it's time for my first pick. Well, I'll just drop it right now. Drop it.

I'm taking the chef with a mustache emoji. Oh, damn. I have to use it. You have to. Yeah. It's the only emoji that's not a cop with a mustache. Is he really? I don't know.

There might be other ones. I just love it. The second I started rocking the mustache on the regular, I started using the chef emoji all the time. You got to. I use it kind of like the black surfboard. Somebody will just be like, hey, man, I'll be there in 10. Chef. Man, it's just like a

dollop of daisy on top. It is, yeah. I love it just a little like, that's my little flair. That's my spin on it. That's me. One of the fun things about emojis is you can't pick your own little thing. And it's smiling. It looks like he's having a good time. I believe he's holding a wooden spoon

or something. Yeah, a big wooden spoon. I could be doing anything with that. I could be chasing rats out of the kitchen. You could be stern, but you could be loving. Yeah, but loving. Yeah, I could feed you some stew. Or you could feed you some self-reflection. Yeah, some self-reflection. We could go and do a little light BDSM in the bedroom,

you know, with a wooden spoon. Yeah, yeah. Open to anything. It's got range. Open to absolutely anything. I like that. I do like that. That's a good emoji.

The chef emoji's a good one. And it's just like, yeah, it's the perfect cap. Yeah. I feel like it could also be sexy. It is kind of sexy. It is kind of sexy. Black surfboard, no sex. Well, he's wearing a full, I mean, he's wearing the bodyguard.

He's wearing the bodyguard that we were talking about. The chef might not have pants on. Yeah. The chef does not have pants on. Does not have pants on. Yeah, yeah. Prove me wrong. That's not a does not have pants on that's for sure wrong that's not a wooden spoon that's pretty good note the size i'm in a weird situation mustache wise because

my girlfriend emma really really likes my mustache she loves it and i am a i i like to have the mustache for a long time and then i like to get into a headspace where I shave it off. Yeah. Start over. I'm clean for a while. But she doesn't want it to go. She'll be none too pleased. If you go straight. What if you trim it down? What if you go French on them?

I don't know. Just like that really thin one. Yeah. Wow. It's interesting because I like with the facial hair. Yeah. It gets to a point where you don't want the food. You're starting to get stuff.

Yes. Around the thing. I have to beat it back from my mouth all the time. Yeah, yeah. A long mustache, especially the corners of your mouth. Oh, they get like, yeah. It kind of rubs and gets soggy. It's not good.

I bought mustache wax to keep it out of there, and it works for the most part, but then when it does get in your mouth, it's extra gross because it's a waxy mustache. How does it smell, though? Beautiful. Coconut oil? It's got a light coconut tint to it, but also there's some sort of aromatic. I want all the hair on my face to smell like coconut. I got some beard oil I could give you.

Ooh. Yeah. Now, you know, if you do go French, you could start fucking with the painter. I could. Oh, I could. Shit. I assume that's not on anybody's board. That wasn't on my board.

No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, revisit this podcast in three weeks. I would have to watch so many YouTube videos on how to get that French mustache. I might even have to go somewhere where they do it. I imagine West Hollywood is a couple places. I bet you there's... I bet you there's...

They'll give you the thin French? They'll give you the thin French for sure. You can go to my spot in North Hollywood. They'll do that shit. See? Are there sports playing? There's always sports playing. There's someone yelling about it.

They curse. This is one of those kind of hood ones where they curse. Sometimes it's a hood one where they don't curse. This one, curse it up. I like my barber's curse. Yeah, yeah. Is there a dichotomy? There's like a, we don't curse in here because it's a place of business?

Yeah, yeah. There's like kids too. I get that, yeah. I want a cursing one. Yeah. Barber shops I go to, nobody's ever talking about anything. Oh, really? Yeah, a little bit of that. I get that, yeah. I want a cursing one. Yeah. Barber shops I go to, nobody's ever talking about anything. Really? Yeah, no.

This one, you could get a full sweatsuit out of there. I had a motherfucker sell me life insurance. That's right, sell me life insurance. With the sweatsuit? With two different dudes. It was two different dudes, but it was the same time. This man has it figured out. Sweatsuit guy came, and my barber's homegirl was life insurance lady.

Okay. So it's two different people, but the same day. Do they have a griddle? No griddle. But they got the taco spot next door. Oh, that's perfect. You need a griddle. Yeah.

Casita Tacos, big time. But they got a griddle somewhere nearby, I'm sure. Gotta be. That's in the back. Yeah. Have you ever worked your way up to it yeah you gotta earn your you gotta earn this hot dog usually james corden's guy cuts my hair because he's there anyway and he's just hanging out he's like you want a haircut i'm like yeah yeah hell yeah but like the places i go you go to like rudy's or

whatever no it's just usually someone with like a lot of tattoos who's from roughly the same kind of suburb i'm from you know yeah there Yeah, there's a lot of, like, barbershops in my neighborhood now that are, like, barbershops slash record stores. Yeah. But New York Cuts, man. Really? I've seen some people smoke some weed in there. I'm not going to say who.

Guy Fieri. Yeah. That's live. That's later. It's good. It's good. It's good. Ugh, I apologize for going, that feels hack.

I was ashamed to say Guy Fieri. You were like, I don't know who. I should have come up with a more original person who it could have been. Guy Fieri's cool, dude. Fuck it, man. Vivica A. Fox. That would be crazy. That would have been a good one.

That would have been a better reference. Jamel, time for your first and your second picks. Oh, man. Shit, I wasn't, okay. My first one. I have to get this because it is the most important to me. The Peace Dove. Oh, really? Man, that's to me. The Peace Dove. Oh, really?

Man, that's pretty good. The Peace Dove. I love it. And as some of y'all know, I am a Christian comedian now. So, you know, get to put a little bit of Christ in my actions. Just some of his love. Yeah, just a touch. Yeah.

Just a little of that agape love. Yeah. And it's another one where it's great to uh you know cap off statements and it also looks really good on an instagram story yeah enlarge that fucking oh it does bad boy i like to let it fly off yeah into the distance on them man i'm smoking a blunt in vegas with the peace dove you're right off to the side of me very good i try to get a little artisanal with it you know i'm saying yeah you always get good songs and it also looks good with the uh if you've got the iphone you know when you can do shit with your text like uh

the screen the screen effects oh yeah yeah if you do the echo screen effect with the peace stuff bro it's a hundred doves flying out. Oh, wow. Wait, what? You know what I'm saying? All of a sudden, every text message is a Prince video. Oh, shit. That's pretty awesome. I got to text some people right now. I like doves, man.

That's hard as fuck. It's my favorite. And the dove imagery from, I mean, wasn't it a dove when Noah's Ark finally landed that flew with the olive branch to be like, there's land nearby? Yeah. Or something like that? And when we scream at each other. Yeah.

They cry. They cry. They cry. They cry. Maybe I'm just like my father. Too bold. He's selling knockoff teas. He's selling knockoff teas.

My next one yes pairs nicely with this prayer hands i knew it was gonna be a fuck damn i'm basic fuck it i love no it's great hands are perfect it's great because it's also thank you yeah thank you thank you thank you peace love. Yeah. Prayer hands really encapsulate a lot, a lot of shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good way to like, it's a good response if you don't feel like sending a whole text message. Yeah.

Yeah. I just do like three prayer hands. It says it all. AFE listeners will recognize the prayer hands for most of my replies to Instagram comments. Yeah. It's such a great, it's such a great Instagram. such a great it's perfect it's sincere though yeah you're not shining anybody on no this is real love it's it's reverence thank you yeah it's like it's like a sign of reverence yeah i appreciate you thank you uh it can it's also

i mean it also looks like one of those where two hands are pressing against each other maybe it's a a plyometric exercise It's plyometric. That's how you get buff when you're in the box. I'm working on fast twitch muscles right now. And the piece does pair well with the prayer hands. And that's like Gen 1 emoji, right? Prayer hands? Oh, yeah.

Early. Early. Drake got the tattoo? Not exactly, but he did get prayer hands. That was a weird move. But I think when we look back, it will be considered one of his less weird moves. That's fair. In 20 years, when we do the Drake retrospective.

Anything could happen. There will be weirder moves. I remember my boy Brady fucking Schultes had the prayer hands in 2004, dude. Tattoo? Yeah, tattoo in fucking 12th grade. Man. Just the wild man wildest shit ever man shout out to 12th graders with tattoos man you guys were really cool shout out to the name schulteis yeah i don't know why i had to put his government out yeah i had to put his government out man schulteis is a tough name people need to know he's a tough brady's wild he's a wild dude man of course he is he had a

prayer hands tattoo in 12th grade. He's fucking, you know what I'm saying? Had a kid in 7th. Brady. Taught me how to hit bongs right. Good for him. How do you hit bongs right? I've been doing it for about 10 years now, and I think I got it.

Are you supposed to feather? This is good that we're getting into bongs. Okay, let's talk it. I always learned you were supposed to feather it. Just like gently tip it, tip it, move it around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know

if that's right, but I still do it out of habit. Yeah, the less butane on it is possible. You know what I'm saying? You want to light it and just keep it going.

You want to light it and then keep smoking. Yeah, yeah. Hit it once. And I think the deal is we just got to pack smaller hits, guys. I think we do. Snappers. Personals is. And I think the deal is we just got to pack smaller hits, guys. I think we do.

Snappers. Personals is the move. God. It is. Cam Fielder Brady, he taught me. And whenever you smoke a personal bong, like a little snapper, it always works exactly how you want it to. Yeah.

Two to three peas and you're out of there. Zach got this huge-ass bong, and I just take big rips off of it all the time. It is so big. And then I cough, but like deep coughs, like a shovel in some gravel, you know, like that kind of cough. Like where it shakes your whole vision. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel my pupils dilate.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. That's too much. Man. That bong is cool though. It is a cool bong. Yeah.

Shout out to Zacula. Yeah, and he's always putting ice in there. Yeah, he is. Zach's the best to smoke with. The bong's small. Yeah, he's wonderful. Yeah. I would never, I don't put ice in, I barely roll up. He's a details man in there. Yeah, he is. Zach's the best to smoke with. The Bonk Sommelier. He's wonderful. Yeah. I would never.

I don't put ice in. I barely roll up. He's a details man. Yeah. You know? They say the devil's in the details. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the devil is in him for sure.

Oh, yeah. He's got a streak. Weird moves. Yesterday on Twitter, Zachula, shout out to Zachula, put out on Twitter, like, level me with your criticisms. Oh, yeah. That was like, level me with your criticisms. Oh, yeah. That was like, that's a bold move. And some people, my ex-girlfriend, Moby Dong, Amanda Armstrong, hit him up with like, you're

very good looking, but your incredibly weird manner confuses women. And I was like, well, that's 100% true, but damn. Yeah. I thought this was a Twitter joke. Yeah. You can't just be like that. Come on Twitter joke. You can't just be like that. Come on, Darren. All the niggas all the way out like that.

Jesus. Also, what do we do that doesn't make you feel weird? Yeah, man. Honestly, sending emojis. Be weird as fuck sometimes. I've bricked. I've hit some jumpers, and I've really bricked. Bricking on an emoji emoji hurts though

oh that's tough when she's like what you're like nah dude I mean it does hurt but you know what man since I've been going back to church dog

you gotta just you gotta just take it in stride oh you gotta let go and let God yeah man if he wasn't fucking with these prayer hands

we was never going to vibe. Yeah. I don't know what the fuck you guys are saying. He's rebranded as a Christian comedian. I think I'm going to try to get him on this boat. You, get off! I think I might get called. You want to be the craziest turd?

You have shirts that say your name a hundred times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I could be a Christian comedian and curse. times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I could be a Christian comedian in Curse. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I think that. Relics. I mean, I guess, you know. I'm getting involved.

It's more real if I do it, because that means I found Jesus. That's true. Yeah, yeah. Paul was Saul before he turned into Paul. Right, he pulled me out. Yeah, I sure was a Saul. Shout out to the road to Damascus where all our lives changed. Yeah.

Shout out to Highway 26 in Portland, Oregon too. The Sunset Highway. County Road 86, Elbert County. I see you. Shout out to fucking 185th. Oh, there was this like a conservative comedy tour going through Portland where they're touring everywhere. I've heard of none of these comedians.

Not even as comedians. I've heard of none of them as people like, oh, that was a Fox News personality. Yeah. I've heard of none of these comedians. Not even as comedians. I've heard of none of them as people. Like, oh, that was a Fox News personality. I've heard of none of these people. None of them have any sort of... But they're playing the Schnitz, which is the big venue in Portland, and they're charging $150 for tickets

just by being conservative. The hustle is so real. Are they selling out? I don't know if they're going to sell out, but they're going to sell enough people just buying them out of spite. $150 tickets? Yeah, and they're going to sell out, but they're going to sell enough people just buying them out of spite. $150 tickets? Yeah.

And they're going to go up and tell a bunch of jokes that aren't funny. Probably racist and sexist. Out of spite, you know? Ugh. They're going to tell a bunch of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez jokes and shit. So basically what I'm saying is make comedy great again. Yep. I got this red hat.

I'm trying to make some money. It's time for my next pick. Baby. I'm taking sunglasses emoji. Damn. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah.

All right. Yeah, that one is also. It's funny because you're like, oh, sunglasses. What do you think? You're cool. But it is cool. It is cool. It's like real cool.

Sunglasses are cool. Yeah, the sunglasses emoji is really cool. I wore some of them today. Yeah. And you look cool. I look cool. It is cool. It's like real cool. Sunglasses are cool. Yeah, the sunglasses emoji is really cool. I wore some of them today. Yeah. And you look cool. I look cool. I look cool walking up. Yeah, what are those, Ray-Bans?

They are Ray-Bans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a wide head, so when I happen upon a pair of sunglasses that fit me, I'm taking them. Sometimes I'll take two. I got a big wide. I bought a snapback the other day. I'm on.

Oh, my God. I'm on the last snap. Oh, I'm on the last snap. Oh, dude, I stayed last night. Yeah. Really? Okay. Yo, my God. I'm on the last snap. Oh, I'm on the last snap. Oh, dude, I stayed last nap. Yeah. Really? Okay. Yo, for sure.

I'm last naps only. Okay, I like that. No, yeah, go last snap. I was having that thought. I've got some hats that just straight up don't fit snapbacks. Well, I'll be on the last snap and nothing. You guys ever think about like super gluing them in place? Yes.

Because that last snap is so scary. The last snap, it feels like it's not, it feels like you're about to burst. I was wearing a snap back to fade it on Friday, and when I was getting out of the Uber, the last snap popped open, and I was feeling so confident, so good about myself. Fresh out of the Uber!

Fresh out of the Uber! It was good to anybody. That feeling, yeah. It's one of those things, because like the snapback revolution, I stayed away, and I feel like it was my subconscious being like, your head is too fat for that shit. You're not made for this. Go get those eights. Yeah, go get those eights and feel strong, you know?

Nobody knows. Nobody's looking around the band of the inside of my hat. No, they're not. I don't think it's that Seattle Mariners hat. Yeah, but the snapback, yeah. Did you get a Mariners hat when we went and got hats? You didn't, did you? No, I was gonna, and then I didn't find one that I liked.

One of those hats would be a good look. Yeah. Not the current one, but one of them. Oh, yeah, the sunglasses emoji. I also like sending it after I send a bad joke on purpose. Yeah. It's kind of a fun time to do it. Yeah, that is a cool, like, fuck you, I know what I'm doing.

Right, yeah. I'm still driving if i'm sweet texting with my lady you know and i'll send something i know she'll hate and then i'll send the sunglasses yeah that is a good that is a funny then it's a whole you know it's a preferred my intent known it's the it's the preferred it's the preferred emoji of the puas yeah what's the pickup artist yeah our community is very focused on the sunglasses emoji and i'm telling women they ain't shit that's kind of what we're about yeah magnificent and the boys are what are those names i don't remember mystery or something it's mystery

they're oh god god those guys did anybody believe that women were into that? I had a friend who read the books and kind of got into it. I knew a guy who got into it, but in hindsight, he was a loser. Yeah. I just was 18 and he was like 22, and he would buy us booze sometimes. And that's all you need to hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Gabbo. Not shout out.

That guy sucks. My friend who got into it is an awesome dude, but just who had really, really low self-confidence. And he used it to try to build up his self-confidence. What did he have to do? Buy like a zebra hat or something? He bought a zebra hat. He brought Zubas. Purple and black Zubas.

He read the... So that book by the... I forget which one it is. It is Mysterio. Mystery. I think it's Mystery. There's one of those books. I forget who it's by, but it's one of the big pickup artist books.

But apparently the end of it... So he shares all these tips and what he did and his experience. But at the end of the end, he was like, oh, by the way, this ruined my life and made me a terrible person. Wait, what? At the end of the book. But people just chose to ignore that part of it or something like that. So he said that it sucked.

Yeah, but he also wrote a whole book with like, here's the strategies I used. And then at the end said, by the way, don't do this. I got rich though. Yeah. Isn't it just like being mean? Isn't that what a lot of it? Yeah. It's probably on women's insecurity.

Being mean and wear a top hat. Yeah. It's basically like the same instructions on how to own a factory in the Industrial Revolution in England. Put kids to work. Whoa, that's not. Hey, wait, hope. Sorry. That's one of the emojis he's going to pick.

Child labor. Child working. There's a little chimney switch. I'm just saying, we want to get this economy back on track maybe we put half of these motherfuckers to work that kid with that big head he doesn't

you think he's going to need science class plop him down a chimney plop him down a chimney plop him down a chim plop him down a chim chim final point about sunglasses emoji it's also my favorite one to put onto someone's body to obscure their identity yeah that is always funny that is over like the sunglasses emoji over on a body right because you can't get mad i made you

the sunglasses emoji oh it's so funny yeah i like it when you see like videos of people dancing oh yeah and it's got like that over it you see the ones that said that guy like waleed on uh instagram and twitter and stuff where he'll like do those videos where like he'll be dancing and like if he'll hit like a move and then a bunch of emojis will fly out of his hands yeah i've seen that move i know that move yeah yeah yeah anyway sunglasses emoji david borey time for your second and third picks. My second pick I got to go with, oh, you know what? I got to be true to me, what I use all the time, the A-OK. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. I love it. I love one of them. I love three of them. I love two of them. It also looks like you could be holding a joint. Looks like I could be holding a joint.

Could be just repping bloods. It's like a lot of things. You can pair it with another emoji to get the chef's kiss. Yeah. I like doing it in real life, I think. But now it's been co-opted by the far right.

The A-OK symbol or something like that. Much like the red hat with the light red lettering. Although if you start pairing too many of these things together. I'm not going to do a racist man you scraped.

I am wearing camouflage shorts already. A grown up. You weren't even going to mention those. I understand I'm pushing a lot of laws. Your TV rap shirt is doing a lot of work right now. It's doing all the heavy lifting, to be quite honest. You need this to know what I'm about. Yeah.

Because outside of this. But we don't know what Ed Lover's politics are now. I can't call it. I don't know. I can't call it. What if Ed Lover's like a libertarian? That'd be amazing. Like a staunch.

He lives in Salmon, Idaho. He's got a lot of land. All right, the A-OK. A-OK, black emoji. I love it. The next one is one I don't use as much anymore, but I think I'm going to put it back into the rotation. I like the yen bill. Oh, really?

Like the bill with the yen. Foreign dollars. Because it feels like I got foreign money. Wow, international. Yeah, it's pretty cool looking. From your bathing ape collaboration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got all that vape dollars.

Yeah. Watch out for my vape beer koozies coming out this fall. Oh, that would be tough. You think you're not worthy of a vape koozie? Yeah. It's the only vape thing I'll fit into. I just farted. I left. Oh, man. Sorry. Cozy yeah it's the only babe thing I'll fit into yeah it's a safe space they got soundproofing all over this room it's not one of those stinky ones either I've been eating vegetables yeah yeah I feel

it yeah I just like I like it's funner than doing the dollar bills it just makes no it's way more makes me feel like an international businessman. Yeah, class A. Yeah, like what did Lauryn Hill said? Popping yen, like you got yen. That's what I think about when I think about it. It's like you actually do got the yen. I got yen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I might go cash. Since you mention it, Lauryn. Maybe get some hard yen. Get some yen. I'm doing rupees, dude. Yeah, we gotta spread this shit out. Why didn't you mention it, Lauren? Maybe get some hard yen. Get some yen. I'm doing rupees, dude. Yeah. We got to spread this shit out.

Yeah. Trying to get some of them fucking bearer bonds the dude got killed for in fucking Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah, bearer bonds. I feel like bearer bonds could have been something invented by Hollywood just to be like a money thing we don't understand. Yeah. I mean, it probably is. What makes it a-

He's got a bunch of bearer bonds. I think on Red Dead Redemption 2, one of the last missions is stealing a bunch of bonds, too. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't know bonds could just change hands like that. Apparently, it's... Yeah. My accountant's trying to get me into bonds. Really?

Yeah. Isn't that how the... Short-term yields. Isn't that how the market crashed? Yeah. Yeah. But I'm going to be on the other side of it. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you're not... A vicious capitalist. You're betting that people aren't going to be on the other side of it. Yeah, yeah. A vicious capitalist. You're betting that people aren't going to pay their mortgages? I mean, I'm betting that all the time anyway, just not money-wise. I just feel like that's probably going to happen. No, you've got to short the market. All the people, I don't, the internet, the L.A. Twitter socialists think I'm some arch-capitalist now. Oh, you said people should

learn how to weld. I was mad at the guy who wrote a mean review about Funches' special because he called his kid weird and I was like, fuck this guy. Go learn how to weld. But I subtweeted him so now everybody thinks I'm some... Are you the reason that people were talking about welding for like a day

on Twitter? That was me. That's so i i was wondering i saw multiple people and like you know i don't i'm bad at twitter so i can it's hard for me to ever track anything i deleted it as soon as like i was like oh this is being taken wrong i saw a few people be like i can't weld and it's like what yeah you're just saying that you should i just said this guy should hang it up because he sucks at writing. And he doesn't. He's a, you know, he's like a plenty nice guy. He's a good dude.

But like, he was just mean about Ron. And I was defensive about a friend. And then I got like pulled. Some guy said he was going to put me on a guillotine. Like the wrestling move? No, like the thing they used to in the French Revolution to kill. Listen, if you're threatening me with French revolutionary tactics, pull up.

Pull up. Pull up with a guillotine. Absolutely. I fucking dare you. Like, I don't have a blunderbuss in every room of my house. I fucking dare you. You come to me with a guillotine.

What are you talking about? Swords of Dawn, dude. I'm coming Swords of Dawn with this guy. Man, I'm coming Sword of Damocles. I'm going to open the door. There's a cannon right there. Yeah. Cannon, cannon.

We're going. Now we're going. Now I got two maces. I wrote the names down. I'm ready. I'm in short of Damocles. I'm going to open the door. There's a cannon right there. Yeah. Cannon, cannon. We're going. Now we're going. Now I got two maces. I wrote the names down. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm like, just in case this shit does pop up. I've given so much money to the Democratic Socialists.

You donate money to stuff like every month. These guys are calling me this crazy capitalist. I've seen you. This is fair. I saw you. We were drunk in an Uber one time. And you were like, I just gave $1,000 to the ACLU. Because I remember I was like, I've never seen no shit like this in my life.

Yeah. Oh, man. But I'm the problem. I'm the factory owner. Oy, oy, oy. So do they know how to weld? Is that why they're mad? No, they don't know how to weld.

I think they were just, I just that why they're mad no they don't know how to weld i think they were just i just think because i'm rich they think and they're uh and the person i was talking about was poor that i was in the wrong for telling him to get out of comedy uh criticism can i tell y'all on a side note i've seen a girl on tinder welding yeah like her first it was a video of her like doing some welding i'm into into that. Spotter arc. I had to swipe off the strength. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely.

You guys going to get married? Nah. She's probably doing some welding. She's probably putting up a rock on her gate. Yeah, she's probably making a fucking entrance to a, you know what I'm saying, West Hollywood venue right now. You getting an apprenticeship going? It's good money, man. You know who makes money? It's those underwater

welders. Oh my god. My brother has a friend who does that stuff. Oh, because Scuba because you guys are in the Scuba community. We're in the Scuba gang. He was a Navy SEAL medic and then he became an underwater welder. Shout out to the Scuba and the Duba community. I think I forgot about you.

Put a cap on that whole conversation. I don't support the socialist movement and that guy I I think I forgot about you. Put a cap on that whole conversation. I'm not a, I don't support the socialist movement. And that guy I subtweeted, I apologize too. Because he is a good dude. I was just mad on behalf of my friend. But yeah, dude, yen.

Popping yen. Popping yen. Like I got yen. Like you got yen. It's fun. Beautiful, beautiful pick. It's time for my pick now. I'm going heart eyes emoji.

Oh, yeah. That one's so good. Yeah. Because it's like you can use it with anyone. I'll use it. Exactly. You can use it with a potential lover or you can use it with your mom. Exactly.

How many emojis have that range? Your mom sends you a picture of the tray of lasagna that she's making in anticipation of your trip up to Portland in March. Mom says she's going to make some lasagna for us, by the way. I'm ready. It's so good. Let me get my chef's kiss emoji on. Right. Or your lover, the lover you've chosen to take in, sends you a picture of them in some hot ass new overalls or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard eyes emoji. Hard eyes emoji. You can do it for whatever. I do i'm a big fan yeah hey you can come in at 11 today hard eyes emoji yeah yeah yeah yeah hard eyes kissy face maybe on that one absolutely i'm sorry hard as in the second emoji hard eyes is good though it's just yeah i like it it conveys everything you want to convey it's like it's sweet but also kind of like yeah yeah oh yeah two hearts still two hearts a little flirtatious yeah it's sexy if you want it to be i love it i like being i like being a cartoon wolf too you know sometimes yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah wolves look so hot in suspenders yeah dude you ever thought about that how good wolves look in suspenders let me getting into the furry community. That could be a thing for the year. I've been saying I was attracted to Lola Bunny. Lola Bunny's big. I was talking to somebody about this recently. Yeah. There were a bunch of animals that we were supposed to want to have sex with. The Fox Robin Hood from the, I've heard so many women talk about him.

Maid Marian. Maid Miriam. Maid Miriam, too. She was hot. I was kind of into the chicken. Yeah. I like BBWs. Yeah.

Not a secret. Yeah, a lot of Thymate. Yeah. I'm baking it. You know what I mean? Save up for the week. There were a lot of hot cartoons, man. A lot of hot cartoons.

Lola Bunny, for sure, you were supposed to want to fuck. Taz. No, shut up. Whoa. hot cartoons, man. A lot of hot cartoons. Lola Bunny, for sure, you were supposed to want to fuck. Taz? No, shut up. Whoa. Hold up, dude. No. Hey, sexuality is a spectrum. You know what I mean? It's not linear.

If Taz is what did it, I get it. He's a bad boy. He's a bad boy. He's destructive. You want to fix him. Taz, but- Like a baseball bat. Right.

Yeah, exactly. Thick, dude. Put a couple donuts around him, take a couple swings. Put some cuts in. But only dressed in the crisscross. Remember when Looney Tunes- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. They were hot. They were hot. They were hot. The crisscross, every crisscross animal was hot. It was kind of cool. Shouts out to Sylvester.

He also looked great in crisscross. Yeah, it was Looney Tunes was hot. It was kind of cool. Shout out to Sylvester. Yeah. He also looked great in crisscross. Yeah, it was all pretty. There was some sexy, there was a bunch of animals that I felt like they wanted us to have sex with. Yeah. The Looney Tunes crisscross stuff paved the way for a lot of what's going on in streetwear right now. Yeah.

What do you mean? Well, like all that, the hundreds and Betty Boop collaboration, you know, for example. Is that a thing? I didn't even know that. Well, I don't know if it's Betty Boop exactly, but like the hundreds will collab with like Oh, yeah, yeah. Like Disney or like, you know,

Todd Snyder and Peanuts. I mean, everybody likes to see cartoons G'd up. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Like, it's just like, you can't miss. Yeah, when the cops come, Warren, uh, brother.

Oh, yeah. Them joints, they put them with some cartoons. That t-shirt, man. I just appreciated that as a comedian the first time I saw it at the beach. That's a beach t-shirt. 100%. Big up to Ocean City. You bought that on the shore and took it to the beach.

I was like, well, that's not for me, but I appreciate the craftsmanship. Yeah, that's just a good joke. Yeah. With the logo. One Big Johnson t-shirt, please. Big Johnson was insane. Big Johnson is the worst t-shirt, right? I mean, but only if a grown-up is in it.

When you see a fourth grader in a Big Johnson shirt, it's pretty funny. It's the best t-shirt. It's pretty fucking funny, dude. But now it makes me feel like this kid's a psycho. I mean, yeah. now it's done. He didn't pick it. Was he like, hey, I need everybody in fifth grade to know I got this big ass dick? I got a big dick.

Big Johnson Surfboard Company. Yeah. The bigger the wave, the bigger the board or something like that. I don't know what it is. Ride the wave into her pussy. Like, it's very. They did get less artful towards the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Huge cock. I got a big dick. I got a big dick. I got a big dick. The fourth person who was going to be podcasting today but she got sick this morning, Caroline Goldfarb,

who she runs the I Heart Sean Penn Instagram account or something like that. She works at the Late Late Show. But she got in touch with Big Dog. Whoa.

And they sent us a bunch of Big Dog stuff. What? Man, did you get any of the political ones? No, I stayed out of that, but I did get a Stone Cold Steve Austin themed Big Dog shirt. Oh, Big Dog 316. Yeah. I got a Big Dog polo that'll knock your-

No, it's multiple dogs. It's a dog stranded on an island with a palm tree. Oh, and that's the print? It's the print. Yes, it's a print all over. You know what I've always wanted is the big dog. You know, what's that painting where they're all at a diner

and it's like James Dean? The Nighthawk. Yeah, but I want that with all big dogs. Yeah, that's great. That would be a good poster. Just a bunch of big dogs big dogs yeah just all big dogs like out late on a friday yeah i had jurassic bark i had dogs behaving badly which was a parody of men behaving badly the show yeah the show oh i was sitting on a couch being sloppy do you i remember do you remember top dog no so it was similar but they were all like Rottweilers and Dobermans.

Really? But then I remember one. And Schoolboy? Yeah, but like one I had, they had like a red slide belt. Let me see if I can Google Top Dog. It was like, it was similar, but like more sinister. Because Big Dog's for every man, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like Big Dog's for the people. It's a lifestyle brand, setting it around, taking it easy. similar but like more sinister because big dogs for every man yeah yeah yeah like big dogs for the people it's a lifestyle brand centered around taking it easy it's like tommy bahama jr yeah yeah yeah like you grow from tommy bahama you start oshkosh bagash ideally big dog big dog retire at tommy bahama is tommy bahama is it like silk why is it so expensive? It's so expensive. I don't know. It's just like a, I guess just a well-built shirt. I guess they figure if you got the kind of money to be wearing Tommy Bahama, you'll be spending it. Is that what it is? So it's for rich guys then? I think it's for like, yeah, like dudes who used to be lawyers to golf in.

Yeah. Like with like a big sun hat. okay yeah i found a top dog one it's just a bunch of rottweilers yeah like it's pretty cool yeah yeah yeah like i'm trying to find a good one it's because it's also like a lot of like if you're not the top dog the view never changes and it's like a buff dog's ass. Whoa. Because you're looking at my ass. Because I'm the top dog. Look at my taut dog ass. My hot, my taut dog ass muscles rippling.

You're just watching me glisten in the sun. Rottweilers really dodged a lot of bad press that the pit bulls had to deal with all by themselves. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, Rottweilers did get away with a lot doberman pinterest too yeah they're so scary just let fucking pitbulls take the fall for him yeah hard eyes emoji jamelle time for your third and fourth picks my next pick the rocket blasting off that's a good one rocket That's a good one. Rocket blast off emoji. You know what time it is. We're turning up.

We're turning up. We're confirming statements. We're getting it poppin'. I just sent you this emoji. I just bought a bottle of Don Julio. It's time to do it. Fourth pick, a personal one for me, The wizard oh yes the wizard i do use both but honestly i use the female wizard more oh yeah i use the female wizard more shouts out to the washington mystics yes i'm a big wmba guy you are uh shameless plug shouts

out to the air Buds boys. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Air Buds. Add Air Buds Pod on everything. You guys are welcome on the show if you ever want to talk. We should go talk hoops. Seattle Storm. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. Whenever. You hear me? I'll come in and talk about the Portland Fire once upon a time. Damn, dog. We lost our WNBA team. So many disbanded WNBA team. Big ups to the Charlotte Sting, the Cleveland Rockers. Damn, I didn't

even know that was a team. Yeah, man. Oh, also, I got the plug on those WNBA tickets. Oh, that's right. Let's just say, AFV fans, watch out courtside. Courtside. Maybe you'll see some of your friends. I went all the way in. One time I fell asleep at LAX

when I was still living in Portland and I was flying down to come do shows. And I fell asleep because myX when I was still living in Portland and I was flying down to come do shows. And I fell asleep because my ride was hella late. And I fell asleep by the baggage claim. And when I woke up, the LA Sparks were there. That's awesome. It was fucking cool. What were they like?

Were they like you and me? They were like when you see a basketball team. I think their luggage was like – Cool sweatsuits. Yeah, they were all wearing LA Sparks sweatsuits. They were all goofing with each other. There's nobody who is cooler to me than any kind of sports team at an airport. It's the fucking coolest.

I want to be them so bad. They know it, too. They know. Everybody's like, it's so fucking cool that you're here. I know, yeah. It's such a little delight. I always want, or like, you ever been on like a plane with like a college basketball team or something?

And they just all come through and they're all 17 feet tall. Yeah. And you're like, you guys are cool, man. It could be the fucking Loyola Marymount golf team. I don't give a shit. It's so cool. I'm still kind of thrilled by it. I'm like, oh, these guys.

All right. Because then you're just like, you guys just fly around and play a game? Yeah. As I get on a plane to go talk about my dick for money? Right, exactly. But you don't have a sweatsuit with every other comedian on that flight. I mean, I have a sweatsuit, but the other ones don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why I didn't have matching luggage. I had to have my own thing. Yeah. And then I took it. Well, yeah. It's for us. We both have camo matching luggage. Different camos, though.

Different camos. Yeah, big up to the Mystics. We got a new stadium. Yes. You just got a new stadium. Next. You just got a new stadium. Next year, we got a big, you know, big ups to Elena Deledon, Christy Tolliver, my personal favorite, University of Maryland in the building. Go Terps.

And you're not going to be paying your point guard $40 million in a couple of years. Oh, man. Oh, man. What? John Wall. Oh, man. He needs to go. When he gets over this surgery, he should have to run with the Mystics for a while.

He should have to run with the Mystics for a while he should have to run with the mystics he should be so lucky i think he i think he could come back and play well but i think i think he needs to run i think he needs to run a couple games i think he's lost some uh like the wilda wilda the toad his toad his toads off man yeah i mean we all saw that picture his toad is cracked fat john wall from the summer. I love that picture. It's all tuned. Yeah. Meanwhile, Bradley Beal's playing like a fucking miracle. I mean, come on, man, because he's a scorer. So he wants the ball.

John and them, they just don't. It's vibes, dude. It's got nothing to do with skill. It's big time vibes. It's all vibes. Yeah, the skill's still there. It's all vibes. Are you going down to get some more liquids?

Yeah, I was going to go get some liquids. Would you top me off with a coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cold brew. You want some almond milk in there? This is getting real inside baseball. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a deep one.

My basketball teams are all magician related, so I use it a lot. Perfect. Also, a lot of women in Los Angeles identify as witches. That's true. I'm showing respect. Absolutely. You a witch, I feel you. My girlfriend is very into witchy stuff. Yeah. Get loose. as witches that's true i'm showing respect absolutely you a witch i feel you my girlfriend

is very into like uh witchy stuff yeah and like get loose i've seen hocus pocus i fucking love it i'm like i'm into into like like uh witchy stuff into like ceremonies yeah yeah stevie nicks burt setting different shit on fire yeah stevie nicks stuff yeah get about four candles going i love throwing an all black she'll takes, but for a specific reason, you know? Like, not just to take a bath. It's like, I have to take a bath on this day. Yeah, a bath with intentions? Well, I've never taken a bath with intention.

I haven't taken a bath since I was, well, I've been in a bath now. I was in a bath in the latter part of 2018. The late aughts. But before that, the last time I was in a bath was 2002. Yeah, no, I stopped bathing a while ago. The baths at the Johnson home, they couldn't contain what was going on. Yeah, yeah. Couldn't never get the bubble levels quite right.

It was a chemistry issue. Yeah, yeah. I also don't, going back to the chest hair thing, it floats like kelp if you're in a body of water like that. Oh, yeah. That's a wild look. And I just start fixating on it. Do you feel like a sea otter? I feel like a sea otter.

I feel like a whole marine community. Like there'll be sea otters darting around my- You got baleen. There's a mirror. Yeah. There's a Greenpeace boat floating. Yeah, the woman wizard. For sure.

I might take this next pick before David even gets back. I've got some power players, but now I'm going to go for one of my favorite. This is what I'll send instead of a smile. I send the jack-o'-lantern emoji. Ooh. The jack-o'-lantern one. It's not just for Halloween. It's great at Halloween, but you could also send a jack-o'-lantern in lieu of a smile

any time. It's just a smiling pumpkin. Spice it up a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Pumpkin spice it up. That is a good one to pump up. It's also another one that looks good with effects. Yes, it does.

Put a spotlight on it. Yep. It's like now we're trick-or-treating. Right, now it's a spooky pumpkin. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, oh, okay. All right, it's just a pumpkin. David, I just took the jack-o'-lantern emoji.

Yeah, fucking. He was hurt. Thank you for the coffee, sir. He had him listed started. He had the pumpkin listed as starting score. Yeah, I got him. I got to make some last round. And now the only other all-star center you can draft is Vucevic,

and you don't want that guy on your team. I don't, but I gotta move. I gotta move. Is it my turn? I just took just jack-o'-lantern emoji. I sent it instead of a smile.

I like it for Halloween 2. I like it if somebody's like, are you drunk? Because it's missing some teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. How's your night going? Oh, okay. Okay. I'll text you on Sunday. You got that Henness some teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. How's your night going? Oh, okay.

Okay. I'll text you on Sunday. You got that Hennessy wash. Yeah. That's Hennessy face for sure. That's how I feel. That's how I feel when I drink. I feel like a jack-o'-lantern.

I do too. Like. Also, I think we should be carving gourds more of the year. I don't know why it's just pumpkins and just Halloween. Yeah. Why isn't there a spring vegetable we put a candle inside of? Let's do a Valentine's Day gourd. Could you do it with watermelon?

Yeah, of course, right? It feels like it's made for it. You have to. Like a summertime, put a candle in it, put it on the porch? What if we invent, how do we make money off of inventing the watermelon jack-o'-lantern? Feels hard. Well, we can't call it whack-o'-lantern. No.

Well, could we? Could it whack-a-lantern. No. Well, could we? That's the new one. Could be whack enough to work? Yeah. Wacky lantern. The wacky lantern. Patent pending.

Jack, cover your fourth and fifth picks. So my fourth pick, I can't even believe it's on the board. Crying. Oh, yeah. Crying laughing? It's crying laughing. Oh, man. I almost took it. I don't even think about it.

It's like, I don't even like, when I type crying laugh, I don't even, it's just bam bam, bam bam. It's so much better than LOL. It's so much better than LOL. I'm still a LOL guy. Are you a LOL guy? I'll go lowercase. I do lowercase LOL, but I'll do like five of them.

LOL, LOL, LOL. Yeah, yeah, I like that. LOL, LOL, LOL. Yeah, yeah. I like that. LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL, White America. Did you guys ever get to like LMAO, LMBAO? Oh, certainly. I've gone to LMAO. Rafflemayo.

Rafflemayo. Yeah, rolling on the floor laughing my ass off. More recently, I've been saying, yo, I actually laughed out loud. I say that too. Yeah. Just to clarify. I like to say, I dropped my drink. Yeah. Because it happens more than you'd think when I read it. My monoc too. Just to clarify. I like to say I dropped my drink.

Because it happens more than you'd think when I read it. My monocle fell out. I lost my retainer. Let me pop a glass of eye back in. All of the Benoit balls I keep in my mouth to work on tongue dexterity. You ever tell somebody that? Did I buy a new pair for that?

No, it's the same Benoit balls. Yeah, yeah. What are you? What of it? Yeah. I passed it. They got a lot of uses. No, we're not dating anymore, but I got the Benoit balls.

But I got them out of it. Yeah. I'm not a sucker. Yeah. I'm working on me. Get my dexterity up. Crying laughing. It's perfect.

Crying laughing is perfect. It's so funny. This is a hard one, though. For the last one water drops oh it's just it's drips it's so far from just sex yeah you can use it for it use it for a lot of stuff yeah anytime anybody says something's cool i don't like to use it as jizz i'll say that i don't either i sex is like not the one that you, eggplant and eggplant and water droplets for sex is played out. Played out.

I did do it the other day. I ain't going to stunt. It's played out, but I did it. Coming out of an eggplant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it like. If you're doing the whole show. I did it like it's coming on an eggplant.

Yeah. Oh. I set it up so it's like. Oh you're doing the whole show. I did it like it's coming on an eggplant. Yeah. Oh. I set it up so it's like. Oh, oh, the reverse water droplet. All right, I'll reverse, yeah. That's the, that's, it's not a move for freshmen. No. You know what I mean?

Freshmen actually can't sign up for that one. No, no, no. That's elective. That's off-campus lunch. You're not supposed to. For sure. For sure. That's office hours.

But yeah, the water droplet. I love it. I'm excited just to get to it. I'm going to do my last one now. It's the thinking face. Oh, that's a good one. Which is big money. That's another big money emoji.

High yield emoji. I got some big hitter emojis. I had to take a little of the chef and the jack-o'-lantern to mix it up. I like the thinking face emojis because sometimes when implemented correctly, that warrants like a two bubble response. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You hit them with the thinking emoji and you're like, no, you tell me what you mean. Yeah, yeah.

Clarify that. And then they got like, boop, boop, boop. And then they thought about it. They're like, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yeah. But actually, you know what? That's actually my bad. Yeah.

And then you're back in control. You got to watch those volleys. It's like playing tennis. Oh, absolutely. Oh, it's a setup move. It's a setup. It's a setup move for sure. You need the bump in the set before the spike.

Like, yes. I played volleyball. I'm thinking four emojis ahead. Yeah. You think we're talking about water droplets. I'm talking about Bowie face. Yeah. 20 minutes from now.

I just, anytime I see the thinking emoji, I'm like, okay, well, I'm about to be interested in what I read. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody commented on, I took a instagram with paul mccartney over the summer because he was working we were working with him and somebody commented on my instagram like uh like i think you're really funny but you shouldn't be hanging out with donald trump sick page otherwise because it looks a little like donald trump so i just took the picture and posted it with three think and face emo, and I'm like, that says it all.

I don't need to say anything else about it. You don't need to go in? Yeah. You don't need to go in? That's it. But also, come on. Yeah. I mean, I guess, and that they're men of a certain age, but I don't think they look that

much. I don't know. Trump's way fatter than Paul McCartney, too. Way fatter. Way fatter than Paul McCartney. Give a man his due, you know? Paul McCartney has kind eyes. Yeah.

Trump doesn't have kind eyes. He has lizard eyes. Yeah. Trump doesn't have kind eyes. He has lizard eyes. Yeah, he's a lizard. He's got bad eyes. I'd like to get into that people are lizards conspiracy, maybe just for fun at some point. I haven't gone down the YouTube hole, but I mean, the stats are there, right? The stats are there, absolutely. People talk about it.

It's a possibility. Like, look, Harden's putting up those numbers, whether you like it or not. Exactly. He gets buckets. He'd still be leading the scoring without the free throw. Don't worry about what I'm driving. I got to the game. Yeah, he's there.

All right. Jamal, time for your final pick. Man, man, man, man. Man! This is fucking tough, guys. It's been so many. Shouts out to the ones, all the honorable mentions. There's so many things that didn't make it that could have.

The fucking, the granddad. Oh, yeah. You know, I like to make the granddad black and put the white hair in the square. I don't want to spill your drip, but you had that wig that you were rocking last season. Yeah, yeah. So I was that. Yeah, yeah. That thing was incredible.

I was literally, you know, not quite it. Also, shouts out to the two dudes holding hands. Yes. I like to rock that, you know, me and the homies. But you know what I got to go? I'm drafting for the future the fax machine. Oh. Fax only.

I love to use the fax machine that's facts that's a good call you ain't living like you saying your raps boy you know that's cat all facts man i never even fuck with the fax machine exactly i would love to start integrating people are so confused which is crazy because i have the pager on my list. I get faxes all the time. Yeah, dude. I never do. I never do. But I would love to start. You're in an office.

I just assumed. Sure. Sure. The monologue jokes are in. It doesn't look good. Have we heard from Pittsburgh yet? I don't know why Pittsburgh, you're waiting on jokes from Pittsburgh. That's where all the comedy writers are.

Okay. Yeah. I get it. Shane Torres is lasting influence in the Pittsburgh comedy community. Oh, he's got a lasting influence. Oh, he sure does. What up, Shane? Yeah, the fax machine is just, it's a classic look.

It's clean. It's clean. Yeah. I like a machine emoji. It's fun. It's a throwback. It's the perfect amount of cryptic. Yeah.

I do like one. Now that we're at the end, you know what emoji I've never understood? Upside down smiley face. What are you saying to me? I don't understand circle smiley face. I don't get it at all. Yeah. Like it seems like it comes in very different people.

There's a lot of interpretations for the circle smiley face. I actually get kind of mad when I get an upside down smiley face because I'm like, are you mad at me? What is that? Is it a frown? What does it mean? Also. What does it mean? The no mouth.

What is that? What is just the eyes? What is that? I don't know. What the fuck? I never know what that's supposed to be. I know what the straight mouth is. That's like explanatory.

Straight mouth is good. The no mouth, I never know what the fuck people are talking about. The fucking robot head, pointless. Oh, yeah. People like the robot head. People like the robot head. People like the robot head. Get out of my house, bro.

It's not for me. No. I got the ice face. Oh, yeah. With like the icicles coming down and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I tell you what emoji I hate? Yes.

And Sean Jordan, I almost, I wish he was here to defend it because he uses it so much. It's the blushy smiley face with the little hands. The arms? He does use it! The hug arms? The hug arms. Why does he use them? It's like he's trying to touch your boobs. Creepy! That's what it looks like! He's trying to touch my boobs, bro. He'll be like, he'll text me the nicest thing. He's like, yo, walking home, you want me to pick up wings? And then three

of that face, and I'm like, why does he use them? I don't want your, why are they eating you touched them all already you're going to touch them all you wing foggler oh man that's so creepy

I do, man I don't like them it's the digital equivalent of that it's that voice onions whatever he says you know the eye the looking eyes we missed that one oh we did that's good that's a banger i also got the boar head on here i like the no arms the dude that's like got his arms crossed oh yeah no yeah that's how i pose in photos i like the i like the dancing lady in the red dress. I got that, too.

I like the Easter Island head. So Raven. That's So Raven. Money bag, whiskey glass. That demon, the fat demon head where he's like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crash Bandicoot. Yeah.

Little Crash Bandicoot. Little Crash Bandicoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a pretty good one. I like the snake one. All the food ones. I like the shrimp one. The snake one is pretty good.

Oh, yeah. Shout out to Young Thug. It's slime season. Shout out to Young Thug. It's slime season. Shout out to Kevin Durant. Yeah, yeah. I like all those kind of like the CD, floppy disk, printer. I like that whole era of emojis. Yeah, Money with Wings is a fun one.

Money with Wings is great. I use the shrimp a lot. Sometimes I'll go surf and turf. Oh, yeah, I use the shrimp. The steak and shrimp. We be up in Papados eating steak and shrimp. We also didn't talk use the shrimp. The steak and shrimp. We be up in Papados eating steak and shrimp. We also didn't talk

about the heart. We didn't talk about the heart. Yeah, which heart do you guys use? Do you guys ever use the vibrating heart? The like outward... If I'm texting with

my girlfriend, red hearts. If I'm texting with someone I'm not romantically involved with, chubby demon face. No, uh... I use the golden hearts. They get the chubby demon face. I give them the chubby demon face. I use the golden hearts.

They get the chubby demon face. I give them the chubby demon face. I use the blue one if I'm talking to Crips. Yeah. Well, so to recap, David, you went first. You took the black surfboarder. A-okay. The popping yen, like you got yen. Crying laughing, and then the drip, the water drops. I went second. You took the black surfboarder, A-OK, the popping yen, like you got yen,

crying laughing, and then the drip, the water drops. I went second. I took chef, sunglasses emoji, heart eyes emoji, jack-o'-lantern, and then the thinking face emoji. Jamel, you went last. You took the peace dove, the prayer hands, the blast-off rocket, the woman

wizard, and then the fax machine. Hell yeah. That is an eclectic group. Let's go. Man, we did it. I feel bad for taking the basic ones, but somebody had to. Nah, dude. Somebody had to do it. They have to be represented as well.

I think all of ours make a sentence as well. It does, yeah. You could put a period on any of this. Yeah. Any mix and match. It's some type of a- Story, dude. I'm chilling out.

A Hemingway novel. Just being in love with the drip. I surfed to Japan, and it was good. And when I was there, I received currency, and I laughed at the irony of it. And as I was still dripping wet from the caustic Pacific Ocean waters, I happened upon a sushi chef.

He was blind. It's getting good. But in love. It's getting good, bro. And in the window of his restaurant, there was a jack-o'-lantern that grinned at me and compelled me to come within the dank confines within. Oh, man. Once I stepped in, I thought about whether or not I should dine at this establishment.

Where is my weed pen at? This is a perfect time. I heard the cooing from behind the counter. There was a disembodied tuna and a dove. I can listen to you just talking that way. In the Hemingway voice? It's just very like, anything could happen.

It's kind of fun to do. He talks in such clip sentences that the next one could have anything, or he writes in such clip sentences that anything could happen in the next one. I like an air of mystery when people are talking. I like to not know what's going on.

Hemingway did. Yeah, the finality of each sentence. Anyway, y'all, send us your emojis. Yes, yes. Send us what you think this story is that we made.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Decipher it. That'd be kind of fun. Yeah, that'd be fun to see. Shout out to everyone. You can follow us on Twitter at AllFantasyPod.

Send us emails at AllFantasyPodcast or not at or not at, just All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Brat. We're going to be doing a mailbag soon. So if you're a Patreon member, shout out to the Patreon members. Shout out. Go ahead and send us some questions for the mailbag. We're going to answer those. Sign up for the Patreon if you haven't yet.

We put out two bonus episodes every month. We did. Last watch along was Planet Earth, and it was pretty good. It was real fun. We might do a couple more of those Planet Earth ones before it's all said and done. I really enjoyed it. Shout out to the AFE subreddit. Yes, yes.

Shout out again to super producer Marissa. We love you. It's good to be back in the studio. Shout out to Sean. Shout out to Sean Jordan, who isn't here. Love you. Have fun in Portland. We love you, Bubby. He's having fun right now. Laura. Shout out to Sean. Shout out to Sean Jordan, who isn't here. Love you. Have fun in Portland. We love you, Bubby.

He's having fun right now. Laura. Shout out to Laura. Laura. Who else? Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Haji Beats.

Haji Beats. Hey. Oh, you know who we should give a shout out to? Hopefully they listen all the way to the end of the episode. Oh, yeah. Somebody took their shot. Jazz. Yeah, Joe Gan Somebody took their shot. Jazz. Yeah, Joe Ganazzi, or Janazzi, or whatever,

however you pronounce your name, Joe, who's an All Fantasy Everything listener, proposed to Maggie, who is also an AFV listener. She said yes, and they went out for pancakes for the table. Congratulations, you two. This morning. Yes. Also, nice. I like the color. Maggie, I like. This morning. Yes. Also, nice.

I like the color. Maggie, I like the color on your sweater. It's a beautiful sweater. The morning that you got engaged. It's almost like a honey mustard. I don't know. Like a burnt orange, kind of like a- Because it looks different.

Oh, yeah. That's like Chick-fil-A honey mustard. Chick-fil-A honey mustard. Ooh, yeah. It's like the color I want. Yeah, like my golden hands. I like that ring, too. And I like that breakfast. Yeah, they're doing all the stuff. You guys are doing it hands. I like that ring, too. And I like that breakfast.

Yeah, they're doing all this stuff. You guys are doing it. And I like that mimosa. Bottomless mimosas. Getting it water. Getting this good. Bottomless mimosas. Topless wedding.

The three of us are going to show up topless at your wedding. But sincerely, congratulations. That's so awesome. Yeah. Fucking A. That's wonderful I hope you guys enjoy it

Thrival Goes West yeah that's where I hope your story is on and on and on we love all of you for listening thank you for listening

and god did I forget any shoutouts at the end I don't think so I think we're good alright fuck it well then more important than all that

tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy everything Shacklagity I am all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shack-lackity! Bam. That was a HeadGum Podcast.