All Fantasy Everything - Entourages (w/ Zak Toscani, David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: March 2, 2017

A bunch of people who will never be famous enough to have an entourage draft an entourage! What more could you ask for? Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Zak Toscani, David Gborie and Sean Jordan. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. I am your host, Ian Carmel. Oh wait, I forgot to do the tagline. Welcome to All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that, you know what, it takes a second. It pulls the car over. It gets out. It looks at the world and it says, a minute I think I can fantasy draft this

and then it gets back in the car and it continues driving to Craig's birthday party I mean Craig's only gonna have one sixth birthday right? yeah it's happy birthday Craig

uh today I thought Craig was a man Craig yeah what do you I'm saying Craig is a little boy in this one

he's having his sixth birthday. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could be different Craigs. We all have different Craigs in our lives. Because we look at it differently. There's a Craig for every season. It's a fun draft. I drafted a sixth birthday party.

You drafted a man. Today we're fantasy drafting Craigs. Craig from Friday. T. Nelson's got to go early, right? Craig Mack is my first Craig. Oh. Have flavor in my ear? Yeah, that's the only pick.

I got more crack than... Oh, pick. I got more crack than... Crack? I got more Mack than Craig. What about Craig? What about Craig? I got enough to feed the needy. Craig from Friday, dude. Did you know that...

No, he's second. Stop. Come on, Craig. Did you also know Craig Mack was supposed to be the hitter and Biggie was supposed to be the inside guy? Tell you what, that did not happen. That got canceled. That was not the case.

Craig Mack must be so pissed. One thing, I'll always love Biggie. Biggie will always be my favorite rapper because of the Cheese, Egg, and Welch's Grape one. It was so, it was so like, he was so cavalier about it. Just like, yeah, that's, and it's like. Cheese, Egg, and Welch's Grape. He sounded like he was washing that bar down with Welch's grape. Right, exactly.

He really did. It felt like that was part of the recording process. I also just love the, I mean, that's just honesty. After a liaison, a sexual liaison, you're going to, I'm often thinking, I remember after I lost my virginity, the night I did back in high school. Shout out to Haley Gulledge. Oh, I'm going to drop the fool. I've been on record.

We're still friends. We're still friends. Gulledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gulledge. Gulledge. It was crazy because I was a football player. It's crazy because you were 30.

It's crazy because I was 30. And she was a skater boy. She was a was 30. And she was a skater boy. She was a skater boy? See you later, boy. See you later, girl, man. See you later, boy. It felt so cool. I really did.

Yeah, it felt having the fact that you had sex felt cooler than the sex. Yeah, right, exactly. That used to get me through a whole, like if I had to go to work, it doesn't anymore,

but it used to get me through a whole work day with a smile on my face i'd be like this that was dope yeah right i'm just like i still work you know the point is i swung by i swung by jack in the box on the way home oh yeah what'd you get that i got i got a sourdough jack i got curly fries and i got two tacos i remember exactly that's exactly what i. And it was just like the post-sex meal. It was just like this feels earned. Yeah. It feels like a victory feast.

You did work. So that's why the cheese egg and Welch's grape, you know, it's just I get it. Yeah. I appreciate that. You smell what he's stepping in. I appreciate that honesty. You hear him clucking. It's not all about leather vests and rings.

You know what I mean? It is never about leather vests. God damn it. Today we are drafted. Today we have Sean Jordan. Hey. David Borey. Hey. And today we're joined by our guest. I'm just going to start calling him our guest. Zach Toscani. Thank you

for having me. Stand-up comedian. Come on up. Stand-up comedian at, what is it on Twitter? Zach Toscani. Well, that's simple as pie. Z-A-K. Z-A-K. T-O-S-C-A-N-I. Correct. Yep.

Today we are drafting. Yep. Today we are drafting entourages. Sure. I picked the TV show Entourage. No. We are putting together our entourages via fantasy draft. We're thinking with the basic premises, who would be the best people to have in an entourage?

Uh-huh. And we're drafting those people. I'm very excited about this. Living or dead. I have no idea where any of you are going to go, so I'm kind of nervous. My back's sweating a little bit. You know what?

I'm drafting the three of you. That was going to be my opening line. Well, I would pick the three of you. I'm drafting the three of you, and then Jesus and the devil. Whoa, wild card! Sometimes you want to get into a nice restaurant and then kill everybody in that restaurant. Whoa, wild card! Sometimes you want to get into a nice restaurant and then kill everybody in that restaurant. Yeah, absolutely.

So that's the lineup. That's what we're doing. Those are the people drafting it. True story. For God's sake, let's jump right into it. I'm so excited. As always... How does the draft go?

It's a serpentine draft, Sean. Thank you for asking. Sort of like a snake. And the way we determine the draft order is through a game, a raucous game, of rock, paper, scissors, played between the three people who aren't me. And it'll be, so go ahead. It's rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Sean just had a small drink of whiskey and is recovering from it. He's having a hard time recovering from it. Alright, he's good. He's ready for rock, paper, scissors. I'm alright! I'm ready! I'm fine! And, alright, let's go. Rock's ready for Rock, Paper, Scissors. I'm all right. I'm ready. I'm fine. And all right, let's go. Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Shoot. Oh, you're holding. Sean Jordan. Yeah. Breaks David Bordy's, it feels like 20 episodes straight of winning. I won so many. Yeah, don't get to your fucking game now. I get it. Hey, man, I'm sorry.

Winning, winning, winning. So, Sean, you get to determine the draft order. Please don't make me first. Zach's going first. Oh, Zach Toscani. Oh, shit. David's second. I'm third. You're fourth winning, winning. So Sean, you get to determine the draft order. Please don't make me first. Zach's going first. Oh, Zach Toscani. David second. I'm third. You're fourth.

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. Zach, David, Sian, Ian Carmel. See, I don't like the back-to-back picks. I never have. Yeah, too much pressure for me. Got the drink in me going back-to-back. You got the drink in you.

I have a- Michael Jordan, 96, 97. Yeah. I have about an R2D2 sized iced coffee in me right now. A lot of iced coffee. We, yeah. I'm drinking a hard ginger beer. It is.

I like that move. I'm drinking the nicest whiskey I think I've ever had. I had a- It looks like good whiskey. Was that Old Crow? Yeah. I had a rosé and ginger spritzer earlier. Oh, dog.

What? Because I'm living that life. Whoa. Yeah, after. That sounds great. Did you Instagram it and tag Rick Ross? Me? I did.

Me and my hot, hot girlfriend. Went for a little breakfast. You know, I can't speak as to her aesthetics, but I will say she's fantastic. She's a wonderful, lovely person who just, I mean, go, yeah. She does, her episode of Portlandia she directed. Watch Portlandia. Watch Portlandia. Watch Portlandia.

Check that out. Check that episode out. she directed. Watch Portlandia. Watch Portlandia. Watch Portlandia. Check that out. Check that episode out. The one from just last week. So when this drops, it'll be the one from last week. True story. Watch it, enjoy it. Like and subscribe. Anyway, we went for a walk around the Silver Lake Reservoir and then got like mimosas.

But I got instead a rosé ginger spritzer. Can I just call it a walk is usually my first date go-to. Yeah. Because it could be any length of time. Yes. You can stop along the way. Oh, maybe we're feeling a movie. Maybe we're feeling a dessert. It could turn into anything. And I know you like to sprint.

Yeah. When you're going on a walk with a girl. Just to show her how athletic and fast you are. You're like, watch this! And then you sprint away. You think I could get that tree branch? You like her to know that you could be a hunter-gatherer if needed. And it's hard to do that in a movie.

It's not possible, though. You're just sitting there breathing heavy, like, look at my lung capacity. I hunt and gather some big man. Watch me blow out a whole birthday cake. You know that? That's the flex. That's the flex. Zach Tconi,

it is your first All Fantasy Everything and you are the first pick of the first round of the Entourage Giraffe. Don't blow it. Where are you going with this pick,

my dear friend? Okay, so I've been thinking about entourages and you need different people for different things. True, true. Yeah. So the first thing

I need in an entourage for me, I need someone dumber than me. Someone who will take the fall for things. Yes, a fall guy. A fall guy also, he can maybe massage you out of situations. Take the gun and hold it for me. And maybe just kind of like a near-to-well.

He's just trying his best. So in my entourage, as my dummy, it on me i draft george w bush oh he can paint you pictures he's got a few things he's got insiders he's in a good mood he drinks some drugs he yes he kind of functions in a lot of ways which era like present day george w present day wow caught in Wow. The stock is rising on George Bush. The stock really is rising. Trump is really...

I've never wished for those days harder. He's like a cartoon character now. You're like, ah, I kind of like him. I never thought he was going to be adorable, but he's adorable now. He is, which is crazy, because he was awful. Or he was just complacent while other people were awful.

Whatever the case is. Whatever it was. Yeah. But I get it. I do like the pick. Thank you. I like the Patsy. And former president, now you have secret servants.

There you go. Just with you. That's what I want to dive into. You can still hang. You still got H.W. around. Maybe he pops in to just check in. Barely. That guy is Weekend at Bernie's if I've ever seen one. Barbara's just killing life. Barb's hanging H.W. around. Maybe he pops in to just check in. Barely. That guy is Weekend at Bernie's, if I've ever seen one.

Barbara's just killing life. Barb's hanging on. Yeah, she's still hanging on. Barb's seeing this through. The weather is sturdy. George, yeah, George W. Bush, there would be a lot of attention on your entourage as you meander through life. That's the thing, is you can't stumble down an alley.

Because everybody would be like that is that george yeah but i feel like he's been pretty quiet post-presidency that's true and you put a hat on him who knows yeah yeah it's jeb bush now no one cares you're also more of a weed guy yeah so like the drinking thing wouldn't be that big of a deal no yeah and he he probably does cocaine probably i'm i don't know. I assume. How does the president get cocaine? That's a great question. He just takes it. What does that mean? He can't just roll up in the

trap? Yeah, he can. You get secret service to roll up in the trap for you. He just flies to Columbia. The DEA brings it over. Yeah, you just go to that evidence room. They go to that crack factory where they invented it. 16 stories under the Pentagon.

Yeah, yeah. And he just gets that. It's like Double Dragon getting down there. They just have to fight down level by level until they get to the big crack pot, if you will. The crack pot. The crack pot.

George W. Bush, there are a lot of stories. He is stupid. He's a great fall guy. He's done it before. He can paint you a portrait of yourself. Yeah. And now a president painted a portrait of you. He's a great fall guy. He's done it before. And he can paint you a portrait of yourself. Yeah. And now a president painted a portrait of you.

He's a bad painter, though. But that is a good point. He's good in a bad way. He's a good painter for an average person, but a terrible painter for a painter. Which also, I mean, you know what's good about George W. Bush? He has all the prestige, I guess, kind of, of a president. Mm-hmm. But I don't feel like he would outshine you.

No. Really. No. He's not really interested in that. And you don't want that. And I'll tell you what. Ask George, hey, man, you want to go to Disneyland today? And he's like, do I?

And then they shut Disneyland down for you to go. And he's not going to bring it down with politics. Yeah. He doesn't know anything about politics. Never talks about politics. He can't speak on it. He's got, Jeb is well-known enough that you can all crack on Jeb together. Oh, God.

Oh, yeah. I just feel like there'd be a lot of shit. Jeb would be the Shane Torres of your group. The Jeb is how you get in. Shane Torres, that's the only time he'll be mentioned all day. All day. He might get drafted. Oh, you mean old sampler platter?

Old sampler platter himself. He tried to tweet a picture of a sampler platter and just tweeted the link. He couldn't even get the picture. Oh my god. I don't think I even liked it. Which is hilarious. They're looking at the link, and I know you're listening because he texted me. He's like, I heard that. Me and Sean were saying

before we got here that we were all going to, before our first pick, be like, well, Shane Torres is not in the entourage. Just want to announce that now. Since Shane, what? Oh, George Bush could show you proper Texas too, I feel like. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Oh man, is he from Houston? He's from Maine, but he moved to Texas. I forget where. He was the governor, so he lived in Austin for a while. He lived in Austin? I don't know. I don't know where they live now. They were saying that he used to work out at the University of Texas with the athletes.

He would just show up. He was an athlete a little bit, right? Yeah. I don't know why I'm bringing that up. He could also be a gym buddy is what I'm saying. Politics notwithstanding, I think it's a really good pick. Wouldn't it be cool if Georgeorge bush just got jacked like with you like like just sinewy just like dr dre down oh wow yeah just a bunch of like just vast just vascular yeah you're like what are you george are you furious

right now no i'm just normal rest and heartbreak hey man just low reps i wait the accent's fun i like a guy who will show up like because if it was a formal event he'd wear a bolo tie yeah yeah and i like that it's good to have a guy who can wear a cowboy hat in the crew yeah it is just in case you don't know what's gonna pick yeah he kind of works in all a wedding bar mitzvah yeah a funeral he's kind of fun everywhere he's like a polo shirt yeah he is the brand you can dress him up or dress him down a little bit yeah yeah he's everywhere all right cool go to a funeral it goes to a funeral yeah take him to a bennegan's listen that was a that was an out of left field pick and and I liked it. Out of left field, he wants to own a baseball team, too. Yes.

Great pick, David Borey. It is time for your first pick. My first pick, here's where I'm going. Here's where I'm going. All right. Wesley Snipes. Ooh, that's such a good pick. He was on my short list.

You know why I go Wesley Snipes? Why? He's your dark horse. He can do anything. Yes. He could be the wild card. He could your dark horse. He can do anything. Yes. He could be the wild card. He could be the badass. He could be the lady lover.

He could be the funny guy. It's like an entourage in one man. He's a one-man entourage. He is. I think that he's... And I've just been obsessed with the idea of like... This whole week, I've just been thinking about like... What if Wesley Snipes got all of Denzel Washington parts that's a fun thought experiment

and I think they would all be better movies if Wesley Snipes was in Training Day and even better what if Denzel Washington was in Too Wong Fu Thanks for Everything it's a swap situation I can't even imagine I'm trying so hard I can't imagine

Denzel dressed as a woman. I can't imagine anybody else in Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, other than me. I love Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. It's one of the best. Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar is one of the funniest movies. It really is. It's like a good Sunday afternoon. Like, you're not doing anything.

Oh, shit. Quick power ranking as far as Too Wong Fu, thanks for everything, love Julie Newmar goes. Wesley Snipes number one. Sure. Yes. Probably then Leguizamo number two. And then Patrick Swayze. I think Swayze.

No respect to the god Patrick Swayze. No disrespect. I just feel like Swayze. No respect. No respect to the god Patrick, the deceased. He's dead, so we can drag him through the mud as much as we want, and he can't sue. I hate to be a muckraker.

Go on. Go ahead. But I feel like Patrick Swayze was just being Patrick Swayze in a dress. Wesley Snipes, he was another person in that movie. John Leguizamo, another person. Patrick Swayze, Patrick Swayze in a dress. Zach, have you ever seen Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar? I have not.

Oh, you haven't seen Too Wong Fu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar is a movie about three drag queens from New York on their way out to the west to make it big. Yep. But they get broken down in a small town. Hilarity ensues. Now, once again, we're talking about Tuong Phu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. Yes, yes, yes. I saw, the first time I saw Tuong Phu, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar, I was at my grandma's house in Florida.

Sure. Just a fun little extra fact about it. Leguizamo underrated. I don't think Leguizamo ever got the snaps he deserved. Never. And you know who else? And he's in some really good shit. He also was in The Pest.

I kind of like The Pest. You don't like The Pest. Yeah, I haven't seen it in a long time, but as a kid, I really loved it. Yeah, as a kid. Genuinely loved it. Yeah, as a kid. Genuinely loved it. It's called The Pest. Harry Spears was in The Pest.

Do you remember that? Yeah, look at that. What a great career that was. I'll say this on wax right now. Fuck Harry Spears. Yo, I will also say fuck Harry Spears on wax. Fuck Harry Spears, dude. Oh, shit, is the beef on?

The beef is on. He'll never hear this, but the beef is on. And that guy believes in beef. He's a mean person. He's a dickhead. We've all opened for hundreds of comedians, and the only person I have a negative thing to say about is Orny Adams. Fuck Orny Adams, too.

No, it's Aries Spears. Orny Adams was just nice enough. I don't envy. I mean, he really got exposed in that comedian documentary. I'm sure that would play havoc on your psyche. But Ernie Spears, there was no reason for him to be a jerk. What a jerk. What a jerk.

You know, pardon my French, a real F&A hole. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's a real see you next Tuesday. We're going to have to bleep all this out. All these customers. We're going to have to bleep all this out. Wesley.

I love Wesley Snipes. He's so good. he's so friendly on Twitter it's he's everything he went to he went to prison yeah he lives in Brooklyn

yeah he rides his bike everywhere does he really yeah and you get to see you get to see like Blade scripts I get to see

all the new Blade scripts I get Blade merch yeah you don't think I'm I'm already pricing out like a 3XL Blade leather jacket? I bet you he's got... Scarface, you know what I'm talking about? We've probably got like a lot of Money Train paraphernalia sitting around at the house

because nobody else wanted it. So he's like, I'll take the car from Money Train and I'll just put it in my backyard. And then for Halloween, here's what's funny. What's funny? For Halloween, I would be him in Demolition. Funny little crew prank. For Halloween, here's what's funny. What's funny? For Halloween, I would be him in Demolition. Yeah. Funny little crew prank. Simon.

Simon Phoenix? Simon Phoenix. Simon Phoenix. He said pussy in that movie, and then I said pussy, and I got in trouble. There it is. Because Wesley said it. So Wesley kind of owes you one. Yeah.

If you're listening. He did go to prison, right? He went to prison for tax evasion. They never should have sent him to prison. Yeah. evasion? He went to prison for tax evasion. They never should have sent him to prison. Yeah. They shouldn't send anyone to prison for tax evasion. There should be a separate prison for tax evaders because they get food hard in prison. Yeah.

They weren't meant to go to prison. Just take their money. I think he went to like Club Fed. I hope he did. I think he went to like the Martha Stewart jail. Oh, the country club? Yeah. We got one in Sioux Falls.

It used to be a golf country club and now it's the work release jail. Whenever people say they're going to jail, we're like, psh, you're going to the country club? Yeah. We got one in Sioux Falls. It used to be a golf country club, and now it's the work release jail. So whenever people say they're going to jail, we're like, psh, you're going to the country club, dude. That rules. People get really pissed when they're going to jail, and you take that away from them. I bet. The one positive part about going to jail. Is you can say you went to jail.

You're like, nah. I like the Wesley Snipes pick, because I don't think Wesley Snipes would outshine you either. I don't think he would. He'd lay in the cut. I feel like he'd be cool. Yeah. He's not. I don't think. He'd lay in the cut. I feel like he'd be cool. Yeah, he's not. I don't feel like he's all me, me, me. Much like in Major League, he's a second player.

That's where he shines. Don't give me an Omar Epps when you gave me a Wesley Snipes in Major League, by the way. What are you talking about? Omar Epps was in Major League too, right? Yeah. He replaced him. Did he? Yeah, didn't he?

Yeah, that's true. There was contract disputes, so maybe. Omar Epps was in Major League too yeah he replaced wesley snipes yeah i'm pretty sure i don't i don't that doesn't sound right yeah it is omar epps is not that old it's 100 omar epps yeah i mean i don't know if he is willie mays hayes though that's the discrepancy i know he is in the movie because he's a movie he becomes a movie star in the off-season. It is him. White Lightning and Black Hammer was the name of the movie.

Are you sure it's Omar Epps? It is Omar Epps. Yeah, totally. How old is Omar Epps? This is... 40s? This is a start... He plays Willie Mays?

This is a startling development. I had no idea. I'm startled. I didn't mean to rock any boats. I was just saying Wesley Snipes is dope. I take it idea. I'm startled. I didn't mean to rock any boats. I was just saying Wesley Snipes is dope. I take it back. Omar Epps. Higher learning, the program, dude. Oh, I forgot about higher learning.

Ice Cube didn't forget about higher learning. Neither did Busta Rhymes. Ian's friend Busta Rhymes. My good friend Busta Rhymes. Who he hugged the other day. I call him Buster. That's his actual first name. Busta doesn't rhyme. What do you do? What do you do?

I love it. I love the Wesley Snipes pick. By the way, I think underrated actor. I think so, man. I really think underrated actor. I've really been going back and like, he never really, he never lost. Wesley Snipes has never, besides the prison. Besides the prison.

He's never really taken an L in a movie. What was a bad Wesley Snipes movie? I mean, they have to exist. Oh, they're out there. I guarantee it. But I can't think of it. He was always awesome. Murder at 1600 really wasn't that good.

All right. You know, little known fact, that's where the president lives. Oh, that's fun. Was that not that good? George Bush. You don't think Wesley Snipes was that good? Was that not that good? I didn't think it was that good.

Do you? You don't? All right. That that good? Was I not that good? I didn't think it was that good. Do you? You don't? All right. That's fair. Zach's got his pants off right now when he's in David's face. I didn't think it was that good. I have khakis on. I know what I'm talking about.

He does when it comes to this. I'm wearing moccasins. It's in the same league as like a, if I was to trade it for a Denzel movie, it would be like Pelican Brief. Yeah. Oh, but I like Pelican Brief. I did too. I tried to watch it one time.

Yeah. All day I tried to watch that fucking movie. And it just wouldn't work? I just couldn't get in. I couldn't lock it in. I love half paying attention to a legal thriller. It's a great second screen experience. Yeah, you can throw the firm on.

Where you're just like, look what I'm doing now. It's a podcast. I'm looking askance at my phone. Askance. It was sort of off to... Now, head looking forward, eyes to the side. That's what askance means.

Side eyeing it. And then up on the movie, eyes forward and askance. Forward and askance. In a blanket brief, is that a Julia Roberts joint? Yes. She's in that? I believe so, yeah. I call all her movies joints.

I like that. I like that move. Julia Roberts and Spike Lee, they have joints. Yeah, Runaway Bride was a Julia Roberts joint. Speaking of joints, it's time to go to the Bean Burrito himself and figure out where what the next Sean Jordan joint is going to be. No onions, Jordan. No onions.

It might even be your first pick. I hope it is. I named all my picks. This one's going to be the smooth operator. Ooh, the smooth operator. It's not my pick, man. Okay, it's going to be Jason Statham is my first pick. Oh, shit!

Oh, man, that's such a good pick! That guy was born in a tuxedo. So, yeah, let's go to Vegas, dude. Let's go to Vegas, Jason Statham. I saw him in Vegas. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to start a fucking brawl, and Jason Statham's going to clean it up for me,

is what's going to happen. Cover it in oil or something. I don't like where your entourage is going. I like it. You just seem to be a troublemaker. No, stop. I need one person to handle because I'm the famous one in this situation. You just said you were going to start a brawl and make him finish it.

You know why? Because Jason, I'm not going to make him do shit. He's going to do it because I'm the famous one in this entourage. So Jason Statham wants to show me how dope he is by molly whopping all the fools. Molly whopping. I just took all their money all right sean here's the deal i'm going to employ my krav maga krav maga krav maga sean i'm going to use it on the troublemakers at the roulette table whatever the term for a british

navy seal is wait are you the only one are you trying to go out to start the fights? No, I was just kind of... Are you the bad boy in your entourage? I was half making fun. I didn't get to the bad boy yet, dude. Oh, there's a bad boy. Jason Statham's not the bad boy? He's the smooth operator. Oh, okay.

So the smooth... He's the Sade of the crew. He's the guy who makes the reservation in person at the restaurant. That kind of guy. I like how the guy in your entourage that you've designated... You've designated this guy to beat up people on your behalf and you call him the smooth operator. Look at Jason Statham. He's fucking cooler than the other side of the pillow, dude.

Jason Statham is mutually assured destruction. It's not that you want to use the nuke. It's the presence of the nuke stops the nuke from being used. They pushed you. There won't be any situations breaking out because 5'7 Jason Statham is in your entourage. Get your fucking hands off me, Jason Statham. That guy got shoulders like cannonballs, though.

I'll tell you that right now. Oh, yeah, come on. You've touched the shoulders. I've touched the shoulders. Is he short? We were shooting in Vegas, and James Corden, Jungle Jim Corden, who I work for,

every British person knows each other because apparently there's 50 British people and they're all famous. And they were just talking. They were like, he was in Vegas and he is a short, strong man. Sure. Yeah. So he's got that rage in there too, which I might need. He's awesome.

That's a good pick. Have I explained my Jason Statham theory on this podcast? I don't think I have. Here's what I truly believe about Jason Statham. Because he'll put out a movie every now and then. Like, where was this? Let me look this up. Because he just put out a movie.

Crank 6. And it was like, it had some crazy name. And it looked kind of cool. It looked like a Jason Statham movie. The Mechanic Resurrection. Yeah, okay. I don't give a shit. I don't give a fuck about the mechanic.

Don't make me learn about this. Stay dead, you know? But in essence, it's just a Jason Statham movie. He's never playing a humble farmer who has to decide whether or not to sell the farm to get an eye operation for his daughter who was born blind. That's never the movie he's in. It's always Jason Statham has to be in a cool car for some reason, and then he has to shtup a lady,

and then he has to punch someone right in the face until they die from it. It's like a Charles Bronson. All those Charles Bronson movies are like, yeah, they're Charles Bronson movies. Yeah, they're Charles. So I think Jason Statham's movies should just be called, so instead of The Mechanic Resurrection, it should have been called Jason Statham 8. Yeah.

Every one of these movies. That's a good, that's a good, I like that. Right? Yeah. I like that. And then you're surprised by the plot, whatever loose plot there is. Yeah. Oh, cool.

What's Jason Statham getting into this time? Yeah, his name should just be Jason Statham in all the movies. Every movie, it should be Jason Statham 9. The Transporter should have been Jason Statham 2. You know, that's what it should have, Crank should have been Jason Statham 5 or whatever. I'm not sure with the math. This might not work out, but yeah. No, I mean, that being said, I do hate it when people are named their own name in the

movie. Knocked up, they did that. Oh, it's like, come on. You're not even going to pretend like you have a different name? Fellas, it's an improv mechanism. All right. So, I don't know if that's true. If I were wanting to warm up for improv, I'd kill myself.

But here's the thing. So, a Jason Statham movie, like, I mean, like, he would still play different characters in these movies. Yeah, sure. It would just be a surprise. Like, oh, Jason Statham has a disease coursing through his veins. Yeah. He's going to die unless he fucks a lady on the street. Which is, like, pretty close to a plot.

That's kind of close to Craig. That's the tagline on the poster. Yeah. He's going to die unless he fucks a woman on the street. Which is like pretty close to a crime. That's kind of close to Craig. That's the tagline on the poster. He's going to die unless he fucks a woman on the street. Jason Statham 8, and then in parentheses, whatever it's about. That's the theory. I like that. I like that. So I like that pick.

Thank you. It's on to me. Ian George Carmel. That's my middle name for all the fans. You made it to episode 23. It's time to drop a little nugget in there for you. George is the middle name. And my pick, You made it to episode 23. It's time to drop a little nugget in there for you. George is the middle name. And my pick,

Woody Harrelson. The other half of Money Train right there. Thank you. That is a very good pick. And White Man Can't Jump. We have all of White Man Can't Jump. We do. I'm saying. Woody Harrelson. I'm taking Kadeem Hardison in the fifth. Laid back, dude.

Love smoking a little reefer. Oh, dude. That guy will gonge. He'll gonge hard. Wants to go hang out in Hawaii. He lives in Hawaii. And he loves basketball. He loves basketball?

He loves basketball. I thought that was just a movie. No. He's like an actual really good pickup basketball player. And he's athletic. Oh, yeah. One of those older dudes who held on and stayed athletic. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. One of those older dudes who held on and stayed athletic. Yeah. I feel like Woody Harrelson would be like, he's down for everything I want to do. And you've said it before, I don't think he would outshine you. I don't think he would either. He doesn't want to. Harrelson's, he's been a supporting character in most of the stuff he's been in. He only shines better second, or that's his nature.

Yeah. He's the second eye to Hanukkah. You know what I mean? He's that second light. He's that second candle. He doesn't need to be the shamash. He doesn't need to be the guy lighting the other candles. You got Game Boy.

He's a Game Boy game. That's true. Exactly. The biggest thing was he's the drug guy. He's the drug guy. I'll get you drugs. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Because he always has weed. I guarantee you he knows how to get some LSD or some mushrooms. Oh, he's a true. He's the drug guy. He's the drug guy in it. He'll get you drugs. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because he always has weed. I guarantee you he knows how to get some LSD or some mushrooms. Oh, he's a true fella. And I bet he's got crazy weed. Yeah. Yeah. I might do mushrooms this weekend, by the way. We should talk about that off air.

Yeah, we should. Also, off air, I think I might order a Grubhub IHOP to here. Oh, I like. Really? They have it on Grubhub. What a flex. Wow. David, you finally got a new

cell phone got a new cell phone ladies and gentlemen new world for you shining yesterday there's a bright star in highland park i couldn't stop smiling woody harrelson's a little bit older but he also feels timeless to me oh it's fine he's timeless yeah he's gonna have the same haircut forever what's interesting is we're all picking kind of like Swiss army men type dudes. They function as very anything you need. Because you want a broad first pick, you know? Yeah, you want a broad first pick. It'll hone in. A five-tool athlete, as they say.

So with Woody Harrelson, I have my cool drink of water. And now it's time for a little firecracker. With my second pick, Theodore Roosevelt. What? Shit. Yeah. Shit.

Yeah. Shit. That's good. Yeah. Shit. I was not ready for that. Theodore Roosevelt. Damn it.

The second member. Movie stars and ex-presidents. The second president. Damn it. Movie stars and ex-presidents. Theodore Roosevelt seemed like a fun guy. He had an excellent public speaker. Huge mustache.

He might outshine me a little bit, but whatever. I'm fine dealing with that with Teddy Roosevelt. A little bit of a hothead. Sure. He's got excellent public speaker. Huge mustache. He might outshine me a little bit, but whatever. I'm fine dealing with that with Teddy Roosevelt. A little bit of a hothead. Sure, he's got it in there. He said bully. He was a boxer. He said bully, which I think is dope. He was a part of the Bull Moose Party.

That's cool. Yeah, he just started his own party. He did. Because he was already president. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah, he's like, you know what? I want to party.

And also, kind of an outdoorsman. Now, I don't mind the outdoors that much, and I feel like I'd really enjoy them if I was hanging out with Theodore Roosevelt. Me, Theodore Roosevelt, and Woody Harrelson. We all get stoned, and then Theodore Roosevelt's like, hey, I know this crazy waterfall. It's like a 20-minute drive drive and then a two-hour hike, and then we're just going to hang out there. And what a day that would be.

He's got a horseback, right? Wasn't he one of the Rough Riders? He was one of the Rough Riders, yeah. Original. Yeah. He also, didn't he get shot and finished his speech? He finished his speech, yeah. So he's a tough guy.

Got shot twice in the stomach and was like, no, I'll finish. He was a bare knuckle brawler. He boxed. He was one of the guys, I know that they can't see it, but like the Irish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My fists are moving just in gentle orbit around my face. You know, kind of this thing. He was, yeah.

Gentle orbit. I just feel like anything you want to get into, Theodore Roosevelt, he might, and if it was too crazy, he might even try to talk you out of it. You know what I mean? He might talk you out of it, but he'd be like, if you do end up wanting to do this, I will do it with you. I'll go into this with you. Here's why we shouldn't do it.

Right, exactly. Damn. Yeah. That is a good pick. I like that. You know, because he is a bit of a peacekeeper. He won the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes.

Because of his efforts in the Russo-Japanese War in 1906. That's off the top. That's not off Wikipedia, by the way. That's off the top. That's off top. That might not even be on Wikipedia. He did. He won a Nobel Peace Prize.

A New Yorker. Came from money, too, I think. I didn't even know. I didn't know he was a New Yorker. Yeah, he's from New York. Yeah, just a progressive dude. He was born sick. This is off progressive dude. He was born sick. This is off Wikipedia now.

He was born sick. Was he born with one of those weird old tuberculosis or something? He had asthma. Oh. You're thinking of Franklin. What a fucking nerd. You're thinking of Franklin Roosevelt. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're thinking of Delano. He got put into office via assassination, too, when McKinley got capped. So, you know, he's kind of an on-the-spot, you know? He doesn't need a lot of time to get ready. You know people when you're like, hey, man, you ready to take off? Oh, just give me a second. And then he disappears in the bathroom for two hours? Theodore Roosevelt isn't going to do that.

He's ready to go. Because of the fire of a gun, he became president, you know? So if he's ready to become. Because of the fire of a gun, he became president. You know? If he's ready to become president at a moment's notice, he's ready to go to a restaurant at a moment's notice. You had a crazy party on your tour bus? He's the one who goes out to talk to the cops. Oh, 100%. Oh, yeah.

And it'd be fun because you'd get to call him Roosevelt. Hey, Roosevelt. You'd get to do that. I'm calling him Rosie. No Teddy? Nah. You could. No, I'm not going Teddy. I'm calling him Rosie. Rosie. to do that. I'm calling him Rosie. No Teddy? Nah. You could. No, I'm not going Teddy. I'm calling him Rosie. Rosie. Fuck over here.

Yeah. And I have a mustache right now, so that might be informing my decision a little bit. But yeah, he does have a great mustache. It works. He is. Yeah, it was bully. He was bully. He was bully.

He was bully. That pick was bully, and now it is time for Sean Jordan to follow up the Jason Statham pick. It's like a serpentine, so we're just going to go back. It's a serpentine draft is what's happening here. So the next pick is going to be the wing woman. And I want a female in my entourage. I don't want it to be just men. And it's somebody who I believe that I can.

Listen, I'm pretty woke. It is 2017. And it's somebody that I feel like I could hang out with. And also, if I were too scared to talk to a woman, she could just be the soft approach. There you go. So it's Emma Stone is who I'm going with. Oh, La La Land's own Emma Stone. I love Emma Stone.

I think she's hilarious. A lot of British people on your squad right now. A lot of British people. Emma Stone is British? Isn't she? No, I think she just has red hair. You're thinking of Emma Watson. Emma Stone.

Emma Stone. A thinking of Emma Watson. Emma Stone? A lot of British people. What does that mean? Also, Jason Statham's from hell. He's not British. Jason Statham was hatched somewhere. Oh, Emma Stone is British. She's from Scottsdale, Arizona.

Famous. Famous home of all the trashy Brits. I almost spit water all over your face why would you like to go to Burger King and take in a Sun Devils game later

yeah from Scottsdale Arizona's own Emma Stone she made it out of Scottsdale she did good for her now I like her even more

yeah I think she's fantastic I think she's funny I think she's a great I think she's funny. I think she's a great actress. She's beautiful and just seems like it'd be fun to kick away. You're not worried about the tension? I don't think there would be any tension. You don't think so?

No. Because in this scenario, I'm not having any issues in that department. We've all shown we're more than capable of that. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the thing. It's great having girls who are friends where there isn't that tension. Yeah. And that's the thing. I want, it's great having girls who are friends

where there isn't that tension. So I think it'd be, I think it'd be doable. I think the main move, I think the hard part would be for her, if anything. Well, if we just showed her

the episode where you took a bean burrito first in the Taco Bell draft, any sexual tension would be impossible. Sure. Because she would think you were a fool.

Which is tricky to do because I'm fucking beautiful with these red eyes who doesn't want you are you are very red-eyed right now i know you just went swimming it's like my eyes caught on to the rest of my pale irish body and they're like well we're gonna be kind of red too yeah stone is a great pick stone is she is she's funny she's like seems like a good hang she seems fucking dope yeah in in every sense of the 35-year-old Hussein Dope's viewpoint of what that word means. I watched La La Land for the first time last night.

I know you did. And upon reflection of that movie, the biggest thing was like, what a journey it's been for Emma Stone. Because the first time I saw her was in Superbad. Yeah. And she was great in Superbad. And no one would expect that journey. I mean, Emma Stone and Jonah Hill are both like

very well respected actors now very legit now did not see that coming what a crazy journey for those two going from Superbad he said fuck

like 80 times in that movie yeah that's a funny fucking movie it holds up that's a movie I can't watch

unless I'm gonna like throw down that night I can't just watch Superbad if I'm gonna go to sleep it does make you wanna go to a house party yeah it really does that and Dazed and Confused I'm like nope turn it off turn it off unless we're gonna throw down that night. I can't just watch Superbad if I'm going to go to sleep and get up early. It does make you want to go to a house party.

Yeah. It really does. That and Dazed and Confused. I'm like, nope, turn it off. Turn it off. Unless we're going to throw down. Turn it off. Now, the main reason

you took Emma Stone because she was a voice in The Croods, right? That animated movie? I wanted to match. Croods enthusiast. Yeah. I have the Croods logo

tattooed in between my shoulder blades, so I just figured why not pick Emma Stone before I pick the rest of the cast. According to Wikipedia, she lives in LA again.

She lived in New York for a while. Yeah, I was texting her. Is she with Andrew Garfield still? Stop. They weren't. Who's Andrew Garfield? Am I going to have to undraft her? Weren't they dating?

The cat? No. He was the guy in the social network. Oh, no, they broke up. They broke up. I didn't know they were together. What did they do together? They were in Spider-Man together.

Spider-Man. That's right. I just wouldn't want Garfield hanging out. Huh? I just wouldn't want Andrew Garfield hanging out. No, Emma, don't bring Garfield. Well, they broke up anyway, so it's fine. Good.

I'd have Jason Statham rip his fucking throat out. Jesus. Yeah, bring Garfield. See what happens. Jason Statham's here. I'll let my dogs off the leash. You know what? Bring Andrew Garfield.

Yeah, you know what? Bring Andrew Garfield. You know, there is an extra seat here at this booth at Taco Bell, but go ahead and bring Garfield. Emma Stone. Emma Stone. Fun pick. Thank you, thank you.

David Borey, it is time for you to pick the next member of your entourage to join Wesley Snipes. Pick two? Mm-hmm. Me? Mm-hmm. We're in the booth of Chili's. It's me. It's Wesley Snipes.

Yeah. I look to my right. Who is it? Who is it? Richard Branson. Oh, shit! That's a move. That's a move.

What a great pick. Yeah. Is the Chili's on your own private island now? It's on my own private island. We're kite surfing. Me and my boys are kite surfing now. How much linen is Wesley Snipes wearing? Wesley Snipes, it's like an East African.

It's like a gown. We're gowned out. Whole squad gowning. Some gown goods.ing yeah gown goods yeah gown goods hashtag gown game yes you Richard so it was me Richard Branson and Wesley Snipes that's the beginning

of the best story ever told it's amazing and of course it was gown weather yeah of course you were wearing gowns like we do oh Oh, man. He, like, listen, Richard Branson, not just for the money. I like his freewheeling ideas. He's a visionary.

He hates, you know, he hates formal dress. Good. Does he really? He hates formal dress. Good. People can do that. He says he's been spending his life trying to, quote, unquote, say goodbye to the tie. And that sounds like something

I could hear you saying. I'm surprised I haven't said it on accident. No, man, I say goodbye to the tie. I'll just probably come to the wedding in a polo shirt. Yeah, I'll bring you wearing basketball shorts. No, Richard Branson, I think, I like his spirit. I think

he would push the crew to do things we usually wouldn't do. Me and Wesley Snipes aren't going to zipline across a volcano. That's true. You would never think to do that. Branson's like, hey, oi. I imagine he says oi. I hope so. Oi.

Oi. Oi, David. I don't have accents, but like, oi. Oi. Zipline. Volcano. You understand what I'm saying. I feel like ziplining every volcano. Et cetera, et cetera. All right, David. Zi zipline, volcano. You understand what I'm saying. Zip line, volcano, et cetera, et cetera.

David, zipline, volcano, Wesley Snipes, gowns, you win. And he's like, you had me. Also, I think Richard Branson, I imagine him to be a very good wingman. And I don't think he would try to overshadow anyone in the crew. I think he's a good friend. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he seems like he would talk you up, even though he's the one who is the mogul. Plus, we can go to space.

You can take that space flight with Angelina and Brad. He does want to go to space. I know he does. He wants commercial airlines to go to space. Virgin Airlines is the best airlines. I think he sold it, but it's... You gave me an eye cover from Virgin Airlines. It was cheap there for a minute.

Everybody was like, dude, you got to fly Virgin. It's like 40 bucks. It ain't 40 bucks. Not anymore. Sometimes they would have those flash sales. Yeah. This is a fun thing for the podcast. How do you guys fly about 35 times a year?

No, Sean, they would have these flash sales. And if you timed it right, buddy, you were in there for cheap, $40, $50. One of the best episodes of Cribs I've ever seen. And for all you listeners, if you can find a way to watch Cribs, please tweet it at us. Please let us know how to watch Cribs. The other day, we were stoned at the Crib. Was it all of us? Was this the crew?

It was this exact crew. And the topic of Cribs came up. And by the way, wait. As it does, by the way, if anyone from MTV is listening and they probably are, cause this is, this podcast is beloved by industry insiders. I don't know.

I don't think that's true, but if anyone just like having an MTV, there's so many channels. What about like an MTV vintage where it's just Cribs, true life, pimp my ride, and then throw pop a video on there. You're Ride, and then throw Papa Video on there. You're all Viacom.

Throw it on there. You're all Viacom. What happened to all those shows? I actually liked that dating show, Next. Was it Next? Oh, that's right. My high school was on Next. Next.

I could watch a few episodes of Next. Next was always weird because they would get off the bus and say something way too vulgar. Remember? She'd be like, my name's Jamie, and if this guy has a neck tattoo, I'm going to suck his dick. was always weird because they would get off the bus and say something like way too vulgar remember she'd be like my name's jamie and if this guy has a neck tattoo i'm gonna suck his dick it was it was like that yeah they really would it was like so their their like first sentence was always like my name's br Brad and I hate the Mexicans. Knowing what we now know about Hollywood, those were written for them. Oh, yeah.

Oh, for sure. And they were just like, fuck yeah, I'll say that, bro. Yeah, absolutely. A lot of people don't know this. The people who wrote the next ad libs also write the Taco Bell sauce packet. Well, then they're heroes. Google the name so I can draft them. What's up? My name's Stephen and my last girlfriend got made love to to death.

Made love to to death. Oh, man. That's hilarious. Richard Branson. Richard Branson. Richard Branson is a great pick. Plus, he's picking up the check and it ain't no thing. Oh, God. If you're paying for food. I mean, if they dare charge you.

Right. Honestly, I feel like we'd have cookouts. Wesley's got one hand on the blade when they're bringing the check over. Like, do you really? You want to set that down? Just kind of nip the sword in the teeth. Set that down. Now, we already ate.

The sword is a toothpick. We already ate. But as of right now, my sword is blissfully unaware that we ate without him. But if he comes out, he's going to be hungry too. I got to feed him. Wesley Snipes should just rock a sword. I don't even think people would give it a second. If Wesley Snipes walked into a coffee shop with a sword, I don't think anyone would even give it a second thought. I would. Wesley, the huge, huh? Of course he has a sword.

Guess there's no vampires in that coffee shop, huh? Not anymore. Excellent pick. Yeah, Richard Branson. Zach Toscani, it is time for your second pick. Who's joining your Young Conservatives Coalition over here?

Okay, so You have to pick Malcolm X just to make up joining your Young Conservatives Coalition over here. Okay. You have to pick Malcolm X just to make up for George W. Bush. Malcolm X and George W. Bush? Marcus Garvey. Marcus Garvey. So, we've been talking about some people not outshining. I feel like I need someone to outshine.

I don't necessarily want to be the center of the entourage. You want to lay back in the garage. I get it. So I am drafting Matthew McConaughey. Oh, I was going to take him! That's a great pick. I went Harrelson instead, but that's a great fucking pick.

Yeah, almost exactly on the list. Yeah, also Austin, Texas. I guess I'm chilling in Texas. You are. You're a Texan. I mean, you're going to get Texas, dude. And plus, with McCann, you get to go to movie premieres, which would be so fucking tight. Lincoln.

I'd probably get a free Lincoln. And then he gets to sit in it and tell me things that he thinks. Definitely. There's definitely a free Lincoln in the play. You're like, Matthew, we're trying to chill. Why are you talking so deep right now? What's going on? What?

What did you say? Yeah, Matthew McConaughey. Plays bongos smokes weed yep and you know he's like he doesn't shy away

from the fact that some of the movies are subpar but some of them are amazing I mean even that like you know Fool's Gold or whatever

he's like whatever they gave me a paycheck I'm gonna say no fuck you you wouldn't say no and you're like I wouldn't yeah

and when he seems focused on a project he can get it done and you get like Dallas Buyers Club and you're like dog I wouldn't. Yeah, and when he seems focused on a project, he can get it done. Yeah, and you get like Dallas Buyers Club, and you're like, dog. Oh, did it. McConaughey got them chops. He was. He really got skinny for that role.

He did. Yeah, really. I'm going to throw an industry term at you. He really got skinny for that role, you know? There you go. McConaughey is a good pick. I think he likes to smoke weed, too. Oh, yeah.

So there's the guy you smoke weed with. Absolutely. He's maybe a little bit spiritual, maybe not too much. Just does that appeal to you he's not religious i don't need it but sometimes if it's there i'll take it you're also a couple that's somebody who'd go to the gym with you yes two of you just doing curls doing some kettlebell exercises the rest of us don't know anything about and anytime i'm with him the focus is on him i can work in the shadows that's where i do my best work in the shadows hey zach i'm gonna hit the freeways i'll see in the hot tub right you're gonna be in the hot tub you and mccon oh god for sure

we have our own gym we would just have our own gym yeah just me and him absolutely only what's the gym called w can't come w has to wait outside. He's got to wait in the car with the windows up. You guys like that gym though. You know the deal, W. Light day. It just felt like the time to say that.

I read about it on the internet. He wears beads. I'm really interested in... You were wearing a bead bracelet last night. I'm a big advocate of male jewelry. Yeah. Not necessarily the presence of it full time, interested in... You were wearing a bead bracelet last night. I'm a big advocate of male jewelry. Not necessarily the presence of it full time, but the experimentation. Sure. I remember when you

got your chains this summer. You're shining hard. It was tight. I bought two chains. And not the popular recording artist, my friend. We're talking... Not the rapper. We're talking physical chains. I back myself into a couple chains

I get it dude it's great it feels great it's just it's just a little small little self-esteem boost

it's fun even just the presence of effort it just says it says effort I'm trying I'm making an effort

to look a little bit better I got a necklace I have wooden I have a couple of wooden beaded bracelets I don't care if you think I'm a douchebag you think you bit better. I got a necklace. I have a couple of wooden beaded bracelets. I don't care if you think I'm a douchebag. You think you're affecting my life over here sitting at my booth?

Yeah. Wearing a bracelet talking to Woody Harrelson and Teddy Roosevelt? You want me to send Rosie over? I'll send Rosie over. Look at you judging me. I see the judgment in your eyes. Rosie's already over there now. There's no going back.

And you know what? Woody just told a fun anecdote about Cheers. And now I'm not even mad. Yeah, guess who didn't hear it? You dickhead. Right. It was a story about Ted Danson. Over your table. a fun anecdote about Cheers. And now I'm not even mad. Yeah. Guess who didn't hear it? You, dickhead. Right. A story about Ted Danson. Over your table. Some fun story about Ted Danson.

Your honor, I'll just hate and envy. We just found out Norm the mailman hooked up with Carla the waitress. Right in front of everybody on set because of a dare. Yeah. Wouldn't that be weird? That would be the weirdest. McConaughey, though. McConaughey.

So me, McConaughey, and Bush. Party at the Moontown. So far. And it is a Serpentine draft It is a Serpentine draft Zach So that means it's time for your third So my third pick Don't blow it This is important

You need a person who can Transport you places So you take Thomas the Tank Engine And Jason Statham the Transporter. It's tankin' dawg. And you need to feel, you know sometimes you're maybe stoned. Yeah. Someone's driving your car.

You're trying to fall asleep but maybe they're not a great driver. Right. They swerve a little too much, you can't get comfortable. You need someone you can trust. Yeah. Transport you where you may. Yeah. So, my third pick would be sully sullinger

that's not even anyone's name sullenberger sully sullenberger he's really gonna be in your entourage because you're fucked his name up yeah what all right i'm writing sully sullinger that's a real bean burritos no onions situation Doesn't feel good does it No It feels great Sully's a weird pick Zach He flies planes We don't know what kind of car driver he is

I feel like it would translate To any other thing I bet you and call me crazy But I bet Sully's got something American made Call me crazy I guarantee you that's an American-made car. Seems like he's an American-made kind of guy. That guy drives a Silverado.

Since you like him enough to put him in your entourage, and I'm sorry for the cross-examination here, but what's his actual first name? Because it's not Sully. I just want to see if you know. Zach's pulling his mustache hairs out right now. Theodore. No. Oh, hold on. I just want to see if you know. Zach's pulling his mustache hairs out right now. Theodore. No.

Oh, hold on. I watched that movie, too. Shit. Thomas? No. Richard. No. You're not going to guess it just by guessing popular men's names.

I'm going to say Julian. Julian's way closer than any... Is it Balthazar? It's Balthazar Bogdashian. This is real name. Julian's way closer than any... Is it Balthazar? It's Balthazar Bogdashian. This is real name. It's Chesley. I did know that.

Chesley Sullenberger. That's a name? Chesley. Jesus, this is crazy, Zach. Guess where he was born. Austin? Fucking Denison, Texas. Oh, wow.

Wow. I'm going heavy. I guess I just live in Texas now. Yeah. Why don't you marry it all my exes live in texas all my entourage lives in texas i can tell what is it other than landing a plane on the water okay that's a pretty i mean that's a great that's i'm not discounting the fact that what he did landing that plane on the hudson river you know saving what somewhere around 100 souls. No souls lost. No souls lost on that plane.

I mean, that's amazing. But what else? He's probably quiet. He'd probably sit in the background and be kind of quiet. I don't think he's a spark plug. I'm not saying. I'm not bringing him as a spark plug. I mean, he could just stay on the plane.

I just need him as a transport device. That's all I'm using it for. He was in the Air Force. I wonder if there'd be some tension between him and deferment king George W. Bush. I bet he'd come up. I bet he'd come up. I bet he'd come up. He's a captain in the Air Force. Well, then I watched that happen.

All right, cool. That would be fun. Then I watched that happen. After Zach made Sully fly him to IHOP for the 50th time, that would come up. Zach, why don't you just... It's across the street. Sully, I want you to fly... Chesley, I want you to fly me there.

Fly me to my ex-girlfriend's house again. His friends describe him as shy and reticent. What kind of fucking lame friends... If any of you ever described me as reticent. Yeah. So, yeah, President George W. Bush called him when he landed that plane to thank him. So they already have kind of a... Yeah. Sort yet President George W. Bush called him when he landed that plane to thank him. So they already have kind of a relationship.

So you're just sneaking into a prefab entourage is what you're saying. Oh, OK. Now I understand. I get it. I get it. Might as well draft the Backstreet Boys. I'm noticing there's just a lot of older white dudes in my group. Well, the Young Republicans, they weren't always Young Republicans. I have a dead guy in mind, so we're OK.

Woody Harrelson, R.I.P., Gone But Not Forgotten. Destroyed by zombie Teddy Roosevelt. R.I. Paradise. R.I. Paradise. Oh, I like that. All right, Sully Sullenberger. Weird move, but okay. Tip shit.

I love it. David Borey, it is time for you to build on Wesley Snipes and Richard Branson. Here's what I'm saying. Every crew needs a smart guy. Yeah. You know what I mean? We all need a Blue Ranger. True story, my friend.

But you also want somebody you can hang. You want them to take some shots. So for my smart guy, third pick, Bill Nye the Science Guy. Oh, okay. Former stand-up comedian, too. He would be fun in a crew. He would be the best. And you'd get all drunk, and you'd be like,

oh, I'm going to feel like shit tomorrow. And he'd be like, actually, I invented this pill. I don't know the extent of science and what you can do with it, but I assume he's always making shit. He would tell you what to drink. He'd be like, I'll tell you what. This is going to sound crazy. Ten more shots of this, you won't be hungover.

And you're like, will I get drunker? You will get drunker. And then he'd tell you fun stuff about the liquor that we'd be like, oh, it's good. I'd put it in my body. And here's my plan. We get a little inter-crew situation. Yeah. Richard Branson puts up the money.

Bill Nye develops the hoverboards from Back to the Future. Oh. Now my crew's riding in style. Mm-hmm. Now my crew's riding hoverboards. Yeah. I'm in there. Hoverboards into Applebee's?

Yep. Me and my squad in gowns? In gowns? What are these guys doing? Who are these guys? Are they from the future or the past? It was Chili's earlier. Now it's Applebee's.

I feel like you should just build, have Richard invest in a super restaurant. A Chapelbee's. A Chapelbee's? Similar like the Kentucky Fried Chicken. Chapelbee's is such a great name for those megachurches that get built. Chapel Bees. Chapel Bees, dude. That is nuts.

Chapel Bees. You see that Chapel Bees they're putting in? Yeah, they're putting new Chapel Bees up the street. Fucking Chapel Bees. They got a roller coaster in Chapel Bees? Yeah, Chapel Bees. Dude, Chapel Bees. street fucking chapel bees they got a roller coaster in chapel bees uh huh chapel bees if you guys remember anything from this podcast remember chapel bees

uh chapel bees they could also that could also be a British apple bees oh chapel over chaps welcome to chapel bees uh you could also I feel like every now and then he'd be like guys tonight I'm not Bill Nye the science guy I'm Bill Nye the Molly guy

and then he gives Molly to everybody I really feel like he's got a streak in him he seems like he cuts loose he really does and I don't know man I think he would be good in a pickup basketball

game or a fist fight sure i kind of feel that way he's kind of long kind of a danny age yeah i feel like he wants it he knows angles yeah yeah i wonder if anyone's ever compared bill knight to danny age like to his face if that ever came up like you're a lot like danny you're bill william whoa well I have you here. Billy, while I got you, I got to tell you. You remind me heavily of Daniel Ainge. The Toronto Blue Jays own. The Portland Trailblazers own.

I'm calling them Portland Trailblazers, Danny Ainge. Daniel Ainge. I'll take it. Great pick. Bill Nye, I like it. Yeah, I feel good about it. His show has another show coming out. He has the new show.

My roommate was on a show. He's got shows on shows. He's got shows on shows. Bill Nye the Science Guy. Sean Jordan. Time to build on Jason Statham and Emma Stone. All right. We're going with the ladies' man.

I need a ladies' man in my entourage. Tim Meadows? Not the literal ladies' man. That'd be a horrible pick. That would be hilarious. Tim Sullenberger Tim it's gonna be Bruno Mars

really really really here's the thing how are you ever gonna talk to women I don't I don't need to

that much I've never been that much of you know I've never been like you know I've never really needed

like I've never needed that in my life but it'd be fun to have not even in your ultimate crew fantasy like hey we're having well we're having a party bruno uh can can you like maybe even out the party a little bit and you'd be like sure i'll be right back and then he just plays some phone calls yeah he just goes and puts on a concert in vegas i assume we're in vegas most weird crew yeah your crew is squirrely i like it it is i do too it's an odd crew and i feel like maybe we would have to go to some skill building exercises in our first week as a crew.

There might be some trust falls. But after that, everybody would be like, you know, this is dope that we're all hanging out. So yeah, Bruno Mars is up in there with Emma Stone and Jason Statham and me. I feel like you'd never see Bruno Mars. I would see him all the time because he'd be in my fucking entourage. He doesn't get to go a lot of places unless I'm with him.

He's busy. He's a busy guy. That's the thing. See, I'm not doing shit, so I just go with him. Like, okay, you have a world tour? I'm coming with.

So you're in his entourage. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm choosing to let him go on his world tour and I bring my entourage and we get like doper rooms we get doper food

so he's always going to be a level below me I feel like it's a slippery slope yeah I feel like it becomes his entourage real quick well then we cancel

the world tour then fine no tour for Bruno it's a spicy pick I don't understand it's a spicy pick that is a spicy pick I mean what's the

I don't understand the leverage that you have over him to cancel his world tour. Snap of a finger, my friend. What do you know about him? Like, did you see him kill a guy? Listen, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room. My man. So there it is.

Do you enjoy Bruno Mars' music? I do enjoy Bruno Mars' music. Yeah, he's got dance moves, too. I have some soft Bruno Mars on my phone. Do you really? It's like some soft When I Was Your Man. Breakup song all day. I like that Grenade song.

Oh yeah, that's a good one. I like the hits. What's that? I wish it would rain. Yeah, I like the hits. I've never explored the catalog. Yeah, I get into the softer cuts on Bruno Mars. What is, if you'll indulge me, what is Bruno Mars' real name?

Give me one second. That's alright. I can respond to a text. Bruno Alson? Bruno Alson. I think it's not Bruno. Bruno Mars? Yeah, his real name.

His full name is Brunhilde Marshall. He played poker. His name's Peter Hernandez. That's his name? Peter Gene Hernandez. God damn it. He's Hawaiian. That's his name? Peter Gene Hernandez. God damn it. He's Hawaiian. That's cool.

He's got to wear a jacket that says Peter Hernandez? Yeah. I feel like we've been duped. This kid is just a Pete Hernandez? Pete Hernandez. Bruno Mars? I bought weed from Pete Hernandez. I will say Bruno's been his nickname since day one.

His parents, Nick, I had to do this because we did a Bruno Mars carpool karaoke, so I have to know everything about him. Did you call him Pete Hernandez? I never met him. Jason Statham would kill you if you called a member of my entourage Pete Hernandez. Hey, Pete.

There's something about this Bruno Mars pic that just doesn't make sense to me. Yeah. If I was sitting there getting my entourage together, I want someone like Bruno Mars. And it was between Bruno and a few other people of like Bruno Mars-esque stature, I guess. Who are those? That's not how it goes. I just don't see him consenting to be in an entourage. He doesn't have to consent.

I feel like he's, yeah, he feels like a lone wolf. Not anymore. I tamed him, my friend. You locked it down. He's in my entourage now. All right. He's wearing my chain. He's wearing your chain.

All right. Is that even what you would say? What makes him mine? Wearing my chain makes me his. I think if you pull out your pocket and he holds it while you walk around, I think that's it. Definitely Wesley Snipes could tell you that firsthand. Yeah, Wesley Snipes. He's holding onto my turned out pocket.

I don't think Bruno Mars is cool. I don't think Bruno Mars is cool. I don't think Bruno Mars is cool. I don't think he's actually cool. I get this... You were looking at me. I'm not trying to... You were looking at me for like 10 seconds before you said that. You just go...

I don't think Bruno Mars is cool. I'm trying to source this feeling that I have right now about your pick. I get the feeling it wouldn't be cool or nice. I don't know based on what. I could see him just being a product. My mom doesn't like Bruno Mars because he got a DUI. And my mom likes everybody. Justin Bieber.

Bruno Mars seems like a dope dude. He seems dope to me. What? It's my fucking entourage, and I want Bruno Mars seems like a dope dude. He seems dope to me. What? It's my fucking entourage, and I want Bruno Mars in it. How much of this is based on the Uptown Funk video? A lot of it. I mean, it looks like fun. It feels like picking an Escalade.

It just feels weird. It's like, oh, I guess that's cool. People are going to tweet at me, and they're only going to not like this pic because you guys are bringing up on it. I don't know. I think our listener base has feelings about Bruno Mars independent of this conversation. I'm very curious to see where they're going to go with this. Sully doesn't look so bad all of a sudden. Yes, it does.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Sully's a true hero. What has Bruno Mars ever done, actual? This is not what I thought was going to happen. Well, he caught a grenade for a woman. Yeah. He walked on a blade for her. Yeah.

So there's two things. Zach. Yeah. All right, man. Got you right, Bruno Mars. You just put sunglasses on, but on your head. All right, Bruno Mars. Just trying to get a message across over here.

All right. Feel shook. Now I'm going to make my next pick. Bruno Mars was your pick, so it's time for my third pick. With my third pick, I'm going to take the god, Emeril Lagasse. Whoa!

Shit! I'm taking a younger Emeril. Since I took Teddy Roosevelt, I'm not taking this Emeril because he's a family man, older. I'm taking young heat, Emeril Lagasse. He's coming up. He just got his spices in stores. Exactly. So here's the reasons.

Okay. A, you got to have a guy who can cook. And Emeril Lagasse can cook. Sure. So if, like, guys, I rented us a house. He's the Johnny Drama. He's cooking for us. He's cooking for everybody. Okay. A, you gotta have a guy who can cook. And Emeril Lagasse can cook. Sure. So if we're, if like guys I rented us a house. He's the Johnny Drama. He's cooking for everybody. He's cooking for everybody. Exactly. So he's making breakfast in the morning. It's delicious.

He's cooking it up. Here's the other thing. The man's got the keys to New Orleans. Which is, as we know, from the Party Cities draft. It's one of my favorite cities. I've been working on those keys for years. So you go to – that plane lands in New Orleans or New Orleans, however you want to say it.

Emeril Lagasse is like this whole week and I got it all planned out. You're going to the dope restaurants. The chef is coming out to talk to you at the table. They're bringing out the good wine. You know what I mean? He knows all the spots. He's coming out to thank you for coming to the restaurant. Exactly.

And he's going to thank you in front of the whole restaurant. And that's the town that you want that to be. 100%. Because that's a town in love with itself. It's closed off a little bit. Yeah. And he's the needle that gets you right into the heart of New Orleans. That Goodfellas thing is happening where they bring out a table for you if a place is full?

Yeah. That's happening. Chefs, that culture is really crazy. Like, me and Sean were in New York, and there was- Sean and I. Sean and I were in- York, and there was... Sean and I. Sean and I were in... No, I'm just joking. I'm sorry.

We obviously weren't in college. I'm just joking. We weren't there to go to school. And there was some dude in the crew that was a chef, and every place we went into, everything was free. They brought us out shit off the menu. It was fantastic. That is a great pick.

Thank you very much. Yeah. Yeah. Emeril Lagasse, just for the breakfast and the keys to new orleans totally uh two things worth having a guy for real i've had friends for a lot i've had friends because they had a super nintendo right exactly that's that's great and he just seems kind of cool he just seems like he's a fun i think he would be i think he's i think he's staying up late with you. He's having some drinks. I bet he's got a few fun stories. Sure.

And then on top of it, there's the... So this is pre-catchphrase. Didn't he have a catchphrase? Bam. He's got a couple. Bam. Kicked that up a few notches. Yeah.

I like food that's kicked up a few notches. Sure. Spicy stuff. Take it to 11, baby. You know? Yeah. Turn it all the way up. Why would I want it at 10 when there's an 11 on there?

Yeah. Exactly. Plus there's that Goodfellas thing with the, you know, just bringing it on the table. Which brings me to my next pick, Ray Liotta. No, it's not. I'm joking. That would be weird. What a weird pick that would be, right?

That guy's a wild card. Look at his eyes. If you pick like 1989 Ray Liotta or something. There's no Ray Liotta I would want near my family. He scares me. The Ray Liotta from NARC? His acne scars freak me out. I don't think they're ugly. They just make him look like a very

hard man. They're gnarly. Yeah. He looks like a hard, hard man. He does. I'm going with my next pick just because this is so wide open and crazy. Part of the reason is I don't know who I want my fifth pick. This guy was going to be my fifth pick,

my last pick. But I, anyway, listen, I'm taking him. I don't give a fuck anymore. I feel so strongly about my first three picks

that this is just a complete instinct gut pick. Okay. Why Tiffany? I get it. Luis Guzman. What? No!

Yes! Yes! He feels like he's 100%! That's a great did. Yes! A hundred percent! Oh my God. Luis Guzman. I don't know why, but I feel like that dude knows where to get the best Cuban sandwich in the world.

Yes. He adds to everything he's in. To everything. He feels like he knows everything about everything. He never pulls the spotlight, but he just adds to everything he's ever been in. Hilarious. He's fucking funny. So funny.

I just feel like he'd just be fun. I feel I want to get drunk with Luis Guzman, and I want to be friends with him. You've got to speak this episode of him. Yeah, I will. I would have taken him first if I wasn't playing the strategy a little bit. Right?

Yeah. That is a solid ass. Luis Guzman, I love him. You know what movie I love him in? This is a weird. The Count of Monte Cristo. I've never even seen it. He was in a movie version of The Count of Monte Cristo, and he's doping it.

I had a Monte Cristo at a Bennigan's once. I love a Monte Cristo. I had a weird Monte Cristo in Boise where they basically dipped the whole thing, it felt like, in pancake batter and then deep fried it. Yeah, they deep fried it. That's how Bennigan's does it. It's not good. good it was not good it was not a good sandwich i've never been back to boise since and if you don't think those two things are related somehow you're crazy you're out of your mind i won't go back to that city yeah luis guzman it's such a weird it's just a feeling thing either you get it or you don't and like i just feel like he would be i get it

i totally get it he he's he's a short just feel like he would be... I get it. I totally get it. He's a short, ugly man who dresses up well and still looks cool, and I like that, too. Yeah, he looks fantastic. He seems like he would smoke some weed with you, too. Yeah. He seems like he'd do. If you were just like, hey, Luis, I'm going to set this up. This is one of my fun ideas, and he'd be like, okay, I'll do it, whatever it is. If you were into it, he seems like he'd be into it.

You know what I worry with Luis Guzman, and this may be like okay i'll do it whatever it is if you were into it he seems like he'd be into it you know what i worry with louise guzman and this may be crazy go on i think you might fuck him you guys might fuck i might i think that i think that i think that does sound crazy i'm not worried about it but i just think that that's an option with louis like yeah me and louise guzman we get one out we had these cuban sandwiches and we just i don't know what happened we just fucked all night nothing about him him makes sense, so why not that? Yeah, so why wouldn't we just fuck? Yeah. He's just a fire hose of charisma.

Sure. And a fire hose of a dick. If he wanted that to go down, it might go down. That's what I'm saying. I think total wild card. Right out of the gate, you'd be like, zero chance. Yeah. Zero chance of us fucking.

And then like 20 minutes later, you're like, I mean, maybe? There's so many barriers. Yeah. Zero chance of us fucking. And then like 20 minutes later, you're like, I mean, maybe? There's so many barriers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't believe, I think he's a heterosexual man.

So am I. I don't know why he would, I don't know why he would want it. It is a spectrum. Yeah. Who knows, man? Sometimes it's just, you know, those energies match up

and why fight? Why fight it? This is a weird turn that we're taking., those energies match up and why fight it? This is a weird turn that we're taking. Two minutes on you and Luis Guzman. That's the best way to say that. I'm not afraid of it. Listen, if that happens with me and Luis Guzman, this goes right to a wedding draft. And we're getting married.

He already lives in Vermont. He lives in Vermont? I think so, or Massachusetts or something. Who doesn't want to get married in Vermont? I Wikipedia'd him for a second. It would be weird. A New England garden wedding. A garden wedding.

Vermont is the first place I would never think to look for Luis Guzman. He was raised in Greenwich Village. What a cool place to get raised. Yeah. Yeah, he lives in Sutton, Vermont. Good for him. And a moment of silence for Sutton, Vermont. Yeah, that was just natural. That just happened. Anyway for him. And a moment of silence for Sutton Vermont. Yeah.

That was just natural. That just happened. Anyway, dude. I was trying to picture what Sutton Vermont looks like. We had no opinion of Sutton Vermont. Just catch me, me, Luis Guzman, Woody Harrelson, Teddy Roosevelt eating Emeril's cooking. I'll wear Bucca hats. Sean, it's your pick.

I walk in on that? Yeah. Day made. Right? Day made. We just went Bucca hat shopping that morning. You will never believe what i just fucking saw yeah bucket hat somebody else that lives inside of there like i would believe it i saw it actually yeah i was saw the same that's why i'm wearing a bucket hat now

my uh my entourage is you guys really got my head after bruno mars so i'm just kind of going i'm doing what i want to do now uh-oh it's not it's still a good pick i'm gonna i'm gonna call this one the wild card okay and it's gonna be action bronson oh that's a good pick action bronson solid would be god damn that's a good pick but they don't he's like the famous me actually he just seems like and i'm gauging this off of like obviously the music's dope but like he seems cool his show is funny he seems funny he doesn't seem like he's forcing it he just seems like he's a funny dude forcing it you know who does seem like he's forcing it huh bruno mars you can tell him it we can tell him when we're having the crew dinners all right

okay cool when we unite the families four dinner. All right. Okay, cool. When we're all in four different corners of a basketball court at dinner. I guarantee you Teddy Roosevelt's not getting along with Bruno Mars. Yeah. No, no, no, no. These crews can't hang out. I saw these crews would be so fucking – we just got all these crews together. It would be the coolest fight ever. I saw Action Bronson.

I saw him at the Roseland in Portland, and he came out two hours late, which I wasn't thrilled about, but I didn't pay for the ticket, so to me it was funny. Came out two hours late. Two hours late. No opener, which I dug. Came out and started probably two minutes of a song, and somebody threw him a joint, and he lit it up and started smoking it.

Security guard rushed out, and then he pushed the security guard down and knuckled up on him. And then they arrested Action Bronson. He flipped the crowd off and the show was over. And they turned on the fire alarms and made the lights start flashing. It was fucking gnarly. But it just made him look like somebody who would be as a fan in that particular situation. Probably not that type for everybody. But for me, drafting an entourage, I'd be like, it looks like it'd be fun to hang out with.

That's an actual pick. Also, you don't smoke weed. Yeah, that's true. Maybe I'd be like, it looks like it'd be fun to hang out with. That's an excellent pick. Also, you don't smoke weed. Yeah, that's true. Maybe I'd start. Maybe I'd dip my feet in the bathtub with that. All right. I like that. That's an excellent pick.

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Again, to start your free trial today, go to squarespace.com and enter offer code ALLFANTASY to get 10% off your first purchase. Back to the episode. And we're back. It is time now for David Borey to build on Richard Branson and William Nye and Wesley Snipes. So now we're all in the booth. Me, Bill Nye, Branson, Snipes. We're at Chapel B's.

We're living. Potato skins. All that's coming on. Who shows up for drinks? Who shows up? M.I.A. M.I.A.? You weren't ready for it.

Not at all. The rapper M.I.A.? You weren't ready for it. Not at all. The rapper M.I.A.? You weren't ready for it at all. Why would I be ready for that? Because it's the best crew. I've assembled the greatest crew of all time. She would hate Richard Branson. I don't think so.

You don't think so? She's cool now. M.I.A. calmed down, man. Did she? Yeah, she just has a kid. She's hanging out. She married a rich guy. That didn't calm down Lauryn Hill.

Did it, though? I don't know. I don't think it did. Maybe it did. I don't know. I don't know down Lauryn Hill. Did it, though? I don't know. I don't think it did. It didn't calm it down. Maybe it did. I don't know. I don't know what Lauryn Hill's day-to-day is. That's true.

You know what I mean? I feel like, yeah, she might. MIA is a cool, that is a. She might have a pistol. Yeah, that's true. She probably does. You need a guy who's going to have a pistol, maybe. You're not worried she'll pop off?

You'd be all talking about something fun, and then she'd bring up the Tamil Tigers resistance I think that she got that out in her early years I feel like old MIA is cool MIA I haven't caught up with MIA in a while she's just a mom now she's just chill

she's just going to be stoked to get out of the house with me and Branson and Snipes rolling up doobies I bet the fact that Wesley Snipes is there, she'd be pretty excited. Yeah, Snipes is... He's become the natural peacemaker of our group. He just fits into that role. We didn't assign it to him.

That's just who he is. He definitely is. Just based on his Twitter account alone. Yeah, I remember when Branson and Bill and I had beef. Snipes. Snipes splashed it. He calmed the whole thing down we all went to soft beef richard branson and bill nye yo they almost fall i think you're a jerk i'm freaked out because now i'm just like living in this crew in my head and i'm like yeah no it was bad yeah like it fucked us up for a while mia mia is a itA. is a pretty amazing pick. Yeah. What is it about her exactly that drew you to M.I.A.?

She was rapping on top of a car that was driving sideways one time. Mm-hmm. So, I mean, who else? Say no more. Is that the car that you guys are taking to Chapel Beach? No, no, no. We copped it in. Richard Branson helicopter. I. Richard Branson's helicopter.

I'm Richard Branson, dog. We have a helipad on top of all the Chapelby's. MIA, that's a completely amazing pick. It makes my crew weird. It does. You know what I'm saying? We're very smart. You have a little bit of a weird crew.

You want a weird crew. I want the weirdest crew. Yeah, that's true. You guys are lucky I can't just draft dudes I know. Just like me and No Toes Brian. Why doesn't he have toes?

So, the story is that he came to in a field but it was during a snowstorm, no shoes on, and they caught up. So he has the end points. He's got the hang loose, but on his feet. He's got the hang loose, but on his feet. The shaka toes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they took the middles, but the balance ones are still there. You don't even need those middle toes. That's all ornamental. I'm pretty sure you're missing grease monkey right now. You didn't need him anyways. No toes, Brian. I'll tell you what you needed was a nickname, so it works out well for everybody.

I hope that he listens to this. I don't know if he's allowed on Twitter. People with their missing six toes are working out constantly. A friend of mine lost one of his fingers in a lawn mowing accident. Not like in a lawn mowing accident. What? He's a bodybuilder now. No. I swear to God, it's just because he lost a finger. You have to explain the lawn mowing at not like in a lawn mowing accident he's a bodybuilder now no

i swear to god you have to explain the lawn mowing accident he tipped uh he tipped a lawn mower his stepdad owned a lawn mowing business so he's like helping him out tip the lawnmower over to fix it while it was on and it chopped off his finger so he was gonna lose the finger yeah that was that finger wasn't he's a dipshit but yeah now he's a bodybuilder and swear to god it's because he doesn't have a piece of one of his fingers. Like, that gave him so much of a complex. So no-chose Brian. Is he all shredded up now, or what?

No, he's pretty normal. That theory got destroyed pretty quick. Yeah, he looks like a dude, because you would never tell. Well, fuck me. All right. MIA. MIA, as far as we know, all 10 of our toes.

Zach Toscani, it is time for your fourth, and because it is a serpentine draft, fifth and final picks to come in. So my next pick to go with George Bush, Matthew McConaughey, and Sully Sullenberger. Just a real... This is a weird scene. Just a weird crew, man. It's like a young Republican. It really is.

I'm saying. Like an old Republican. I guarantee you Sully's a Republican. And it's all about to change. Oh, wow. It's like a young Republican. It really is. I'm saying. Like an old Republican. I guarantee you, Sully's a Republican. And it's all about to change. Oh, wow. Oh, I can't wait. Schoolboy Q. What?

Yeah. That's crazy. I don't know if you... Schoolboy Q and George Bush? No way. They might have fun. That is a great party. I feel like Schoolboy's so about the money that he would feel like there were lessons

to be learned from those people. But that's crazy. And he's not... I have the visual of all three of them, and then Schoolboy just popped in at the end, and I'm like, God, that's a gnarly crew. A lot of weed smoking. I don't need my entourage to be friendly all the time.

Whoa, whoa, okay, okay. Hey, put the knife up. Yeah. I'm not afraid of prickly characters. Yeah. Prickly characters. Schoolboy's not a prickly character. It's just you and Schoolboy,

and you say prickly characters around him, and then there's an opening in your entourage. Where are you taking these guys? Where are you guys going? Probably going to his concerts quite a bit. That's fair, VIP style. Anything in Texas. I don't think he has concerts there. A lot of other prickly folks have concerts.

You guys just run Lubbock. A squad just runs Lubbock. He's the first member of your crew not from Texas. He was born in Germany on a military base. Decidedly not. And then he grew up in the South

Figueroa Corridor of South Central Los Angeles. Yeah. He's in the TDE crew. He is. So you maybe get some Kendrick access, but I'm not going to infringe on Kendrick. Let it happen. He's got his own entourage that he got drafted into. Sure. He's got other Applebee's to go to. And all of his music videos are just like

him hanging. It always just seems very relaxed. Yeah. And that's kind of what I'm into. I don't need a big charade. Just a house party. All right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something simple. What do you think Sully Sullenberger calls him? Now you have two guys in your crew with nicknames. Sully and Schoolboy. Sully would stay in the plane, I feel like. I don't know if Schoolboy wouldully would stay in the plane I feel like I don't know if Schoolboy would let him out of the plane then you already have

cohesion problems within the crew you need a Snipes to smooth that over I don't think Sully would want to hang like that though I got him merely

it's like drafting a kicker like he serves one purpose oh he's just your pilot yeah yeah that's it holy shit so I'm reading Schoolboy Q's

Wikipedia right now and he went to Glendale Community College. Right around the way. To play football? Just to hang out. Or go to school. Maybe learn a couple things. Oh my god, that means Schoolboy was just hanging out in Glendale at some point. In Zancu.

Where's the Glendale Community College at? I mean, this isn't fun to listen to, so I'll just look it up later. It's in Glendale, dog. Sure, it's in the Dale. Yeah. Anyway, so that's just fun. Now, I don't want to rush you off the Schoolboy Q thing, but I have to know who the fifth member of this crew is. Oh, okay. Yeah.

So, as the security means, I would get a kimono dragon. A kimono... What? A kimono dragon. A kimono or a kimonoono dragon. A kimono or a kimono dragon? Please say it right. Is it a dragon in a suit? Is it a dragon in a suit?

Is it a kimono? A kimono. Are you sure? Yes! A kimono is what you would think. A kimono dragon is like a... That would be like somebody in the KKK who's like couldn't... He's like, fuck, all I have is this silk kimono.

A kimono dragon is a geisha. A kimono... A kimono dragon is a geisha. A kimono dragon. A kimono dragon. You and George W. Bush will get along famously. What's it called? It doesn't have a name. It's got to have a name. Kimono dragon.

You are really Styles from Beyond right now. That is a crazy crew. That is... Just a giant... Is it on a leash? Sometimes. I don't even know what to say. Yeah. Sometimes it's all on a leash.

We can't get into Applebee's. How big is this? They won't even let us in. You guys can't even roll with my crew because they're not going to let you in. How big is this silk dragon here? It's a six, seven foot long lizard, dude. It has a bite. It's not poisonous. They won't even let us in. You guys can't even roll with my crew because they're not going to let you in. How big is this silk dragon here? It's a six, seven foot long lizard, dude. It has a bite.

It's not poisonous, but it ferments a certain bacteria in its mouth that when it bites, the bacteria gets into your system and you will die from it if you don't get it treated. Yeah. Okay. So approach us or die. I think Jason Statham could handle your fucking silk dragon. I doubt it. I can't could handle your fucking Silk Dragon. I doubt it. I can't.

This is fucking me up. I'm just really trying to understand the dynamics of this crew. I love it. You just run with a lizard. I can't wait until we're all done with our picks just to hear these crews out loud. It will be fun. Yeah. Yeah, so Komodo.

Komodo Dragon. Sure. Cool. All right, man. Komodo Dragon. David Boy, it is time for your final pick. Whoa, that fucked me up. It opened the world up.

Final pick. I'm also going to fuck the world up with my final pick. Me too. None of you guys see this coming. Okay. Last guy in my crew hanging out at the Chapel Bees. Nick Nolte. Nick Nolte? Anything could happen.

It's true. Anything could happen. Full time wild card. Anything could happen when the boys are at Chapel Bees. And if the boys want to fight, you better let them. Basically, it's the boys are back in town. Yeah. Nick Nolte. Kind of a kimono dragon in his own right. It's like the Joker's pumping weird pit gas in here.

Yeah. I want drunk Nick Nolte, too. You would have drunk Nick Nolte, my friend. I want 48 hours fist fighting Eddie Murphy in front of a bar. Is there a different Nick Nolte? Is there like a sober? Blue Chip's Nick Nolte was kind of on his. Sober, you know, calmed down.

I like that Nick Nolte gives Richard Branson someone to talk to about old guy shit, too. Yes, exactly. He's the cooler for Branson. Yeah. A lot of you guys don't know, Branson's the hothead. He's the cooler. Yeah, Branson's the hothead in this group?

Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Nolte's holding Branson back while Snipes has got the sword out like who wants what. Yeah. MIA's clutching the pistol. I'm in the back, you know what I mean? We're all in gown Yeah. MIA's clutching the pistol. I'm in the back. You know what I mean? We're all in gowns. Nick Nolte dude. We're all in gowns.

Okay. I like that. I like Nick Nolte. I kind of do. It's a weird. I know. It just feels right. Yeah. He's like you'd be annoyed with him but you'd also be like you know he's got to come along. Yeah. And you need like you need a dude who looks like a white dad. Yeah. He'll get you out of trouble. Yeah. dad. Yeah. He'll get you out of trouble.

Yeah. Yeah. He'll just like, I feel like he's like, yeah, it's a good pick. I feel good about it. All right. Excellent. Nick Nolte. He's got like great racist jokes.

Like you hate them, but they're also really good. Oh, he definitely does. He has the best racist jokes. He'll do that racist look around and then lean in and tell it to you. Yeah. We'd have to like convince him that voting for Trump was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like,

I just like, he's a straight shooter. Yeah. He's a businessman. You know who else would have to be convinced that Trump was bad? Everyone on Zach's team.

Not schoolboy Q. Maybe not school. Not the kimono dragon. The kimono dragon is good. Kimono dragon is a Jill Stein dragon. Kimono dragon doesn't have any strong opinions either way.

As he is a lizard. Sean, it is time for your final pick. Okay. My final pick is I want somebody roughly my age who likes to get fucked up.

Yeah. And it's going to be Ed Sheeran. Oh, that is a good pick. He drinks like a lunatic, but he also somehow hung on to

the talent. So I think it would be something I could be like, okay, he can do it and hold on to his talent. Yeah. Of course, I wouldn't hold on to my talent, but I wouldn't need it because I have the entourage and I'm be like okay he can do it and hold on to his talent yeah of course I wouldn't hold on to my talent

but I wouldn't need it because I have the entourage and I'm the richer famous one in this situation Ed Sheeran Ed Sheeran you're richer and famouser than Bruno Mars

in my fucking world I am alright that's fair fuck me no you're right you're right it was a weird pick no don't feel bad Ed Sheeran

that feels right yeah Ed Sheeran is right on my list no that's not. Bruno Mars was a weird pick. I say that. I get it.

Somebody drafted a Komodo dragon. And you still have the weirdest pick. Yes, Ed Sheeran is the last one. I like him. He seems tight. He seems like he'd be fun to hang out with. He seems like he can just go sit at a bar and drink and forget the fact that he's famous, which is what I do all the time.

Are you fantastic? I feel like I need to go weird with my last pick because everyone went so weird. and drink and forget the fact that he's famous, which is what I do all the time. All right, fantastic. I feel like I need to go weird with my last pick because everyone went so weird. We did. It was a lot of off the walls. I was going to, yeah. I got some, I left some on the shelf that we're going to talk about.

You did. I'm not going to go weird with my final pick. Okay. Just because I want to have, I'm going to. Why aren't you looking at Zach when you say that? I don't want to go weird. Mr. Silk Dragon. Why aren't you looking at Zach when you say that?

I don't want to go weird. Mr. Silk Dragon. So with my final pick, I'm going to take someone who knows all about being in an entourage, but being able to shine on his own, Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, okay. Sammy Davis Jr., he can sing a little bit. That's solid. He can sell a joke. Yeah.

You know? Mixed race is always good for's solid. He can sell a joke. Yeah. You know? Mixed race is always good for the crew. And finally, another Jew. Yeah. Another Jew for my crew. That was the one thing that I felt was missing, was there were no other Jews in my crew, unless Luis Guzman's hiding something from us. Wouldn't that be crazy?

That would be. Luis Guzman was Jewish this whole time. Yeah. I would love that. That would be huge for us. I don't know. That'd be bigger than Amari Stoudemire. That would be a huge win. Yeah, I would love that. That would be huge for us. I don't know. That'd be bigger than Amari Stoudemire. That would be a huge win.

Yeah. Sammy Davis Jr., he can class it up a little bit. Doesn't he have a glass eye? Yeah. That's fun. We all get hammered and he's popping out the glass eye. Here's my thing, though. If you're rolling with Sammy Davis Jr.,

you can never wear sweatpants. Uh-huh. Why? He's a real formal guy. Oh, no. Formal guy. I thought there was like something I was missing.

Oh, no. You're going to wear sweatpants. You also don't want to. He's also somebody who kind of raises your level a little bit. That's true.

He shows you like, fuck, is Sammy coming? It's like what Diddy did for Ashton Kutcher. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Puts him on a different level.

No more trucker hats. No. Yeah. No, no, no. Now you're wearing. He was the trucker hat guy, wasn't he? Yeah. Puts them on a different level. No more trucker hats. No. No, no, no. Now you're wearing. He was the trucker hat guy, wasn't he? Yeah. I forgot about that. But I also have Woody Harrelson there.

So t-shirts, it's also in play. It's like a good t-shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a good material. Absolutely. Like a Mack Weldon. Like a nice Mack Weldon tee. Yeah.

So that's my crew. And that wraps up the Entourage Draft. That was the hardest I've laughed in quite some time. We left some people on the table. Oh, God. Let me just... I'll go real quick. I just want to rip some out, because I... Timberlake, Michelle Monaghan, Olivia Munn, Mila Kunis, Kyrie Irving,

Ed O'Neal, Michael Bajordan, Tom Hanks, Gosling, Usher, Conan. You just named all the famous people. I feel like you're drafting people magazine covers. All people that I'd want to hang out with. Bill Clinton. Sure. Vince Staples.

Damn. That would have been fun. Vince Staples would hate me is my only problem with it. You think so? I don't know if he'd like me. He's young and cool. He's a contrarian a little bit. He is a little bit.

Dave Thomas from Wendy's. That would have been perfect for you. Helen Mirren. Jake Gyllenhaal. Helen Mirren. Ivan Carmel. My dad? Ivan would have been a cool dad.

I've met your dad. Your dad would be cool. Ivan would be a great entourage. Who doesn't need an attorney at law? I owe him a phone call. He would be good to have a legal guy. Jack Nicholson was my last one. Oh, that's a good one.

Yep. Just to go over who we did pick, unfortunately not Ivan. Zach, you went George W. Bush, Matthew McConaughey, Chesley,

Sully Sullenberger, Schoolboy Q, and Komodo Dragon. That doesn't even make sense. What you just said doesn't make sense. Although we should say officially you drafted

Sully Sullivan and the Komodo Dragon. David Boy, you picked Wesley Snipes, Richard Branson, Bill Nye the Science Guy, M.I.A. and Nick Nolte for your entourage. Yeah, I stand behind that. Sean's rolling through the party with

Jason Statham, Emma Stone, Bruno Mars, Action Bronson, and Ed Sheeran in tow. Do you want some white bread later? You want to just eat some mayonnaise sandwiches? That Action Bronson, and Ed Sheeran in tow. Do you want some white bread later? Do you want to just eat some mayonnaise sandwiches? That Action Bronson pick is so good. That is a good one. And the fact that it came after Bruno Mars. What a journey.

I don't think they would like each other. No. I picked Woody Harrelson, Teddy Roosevelt, Emeril Lagasse, Luis Guzman, and Sammy Davis Jr. I think Luis Guzman is the best pick of the whole thing. I will say that, yeah. The whole entire draft. It's a chill dude. That's the sleeper. That's the sleeper.man is the best pick of the whole thing. I will say that, yeah. The whole entire draft. It's a chill dude.

That's the sleeper. That's the one I want the most. That wraps up this week's episode of All Fantasy Everything. Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. And thank you to our sponsor, Squarespace. that was a hate gun podcast