All Fantasy Everything - Excuses (w/ Jason Concepcion, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

I'd write the description but my washing machine just broke and it's flooding my floor, I don't think I'll be able to do it. So sorry! Guest: Jason Concepcion @netw3rk IG: @x_netw3rk_x Podcasts: Takeline / X-Ray Vision / Foundation: The Official Podcast Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverything Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting excuses. I'll tell you why later. I'm running out of time. Returning with us today is friend of the podcast, Jason Concepcion. Jason hosted the Emmy Award winning digital series NBA Desktop

and he now hosts Take Line an NBA podcast, Foundation, the official podcast which discusses the latest episodes of the Apple original series, Foundation and, for God's sake, his new podcast, X-Ray Vision which centers around everything

pop culture and is available anywhere podcasts are found. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and I'm joined, as always, by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that was briefly discussing the art of chiropractic right before we started the episode let's jump right back into it sean jordan you swear by it you've started your own business go into it i don't swear by it. You've started your own business. Go into it. I don't swear by it, but Jason's argument was that if you if there isn't a tool built for what

you need to do and then you still have to do it, yeah, you put your finger up. Okay, go ahead. It's a little more specific. I'm just going to say, well, there's a move called the magic hug that this one chiropractor does. That's not doctors. He goes up on the side and it's like a,

it looks like a side headlock. And then he like, kind of like jerks real quick. And then there's a crack in the neck and he has to climb up on the edge of the chair to do it. And my thing is, if you have a name for it with a hashtag and you're doing this all the time, literally every video is you doing this as part of your suite of of different adjustments then you should have like the chiropractor profession should have like equipment for you to climb up on it there should be like some kind of step stool or something yeah it'd be like if i it'd be like if i went to the doctor and they didn't have this he was just listening to my chest like with his raw ear you know like i just it makes me wonder if it's a developed enough science

if they're doing all this stuff they don't have the right equipment yet you don't want a doctor off a field first of all that's insane yo giving someone a magic hug sounds like some scary drug dealer would threaten you with yeah i'm watching a compilation of magic hugs right now and this shit is mad frightening yeah like i don't want to pay a dude to do that to me oh it sounds like something like somebody who hung hang out hangs out with like a gary oldman character in a movie from the 90s would threaten you with yeah it sounds like something a kid who's not supposed to be over at your house does yeah and your mom comes in yeah and she's like yeah that's why i don't want him over here he broke your neck it does look gnarly when they do it like they just like romeo must die your neck

where they just like that yes and it it makes all the sounds and you're like whoa because they really in a movie the way they snap someone's neck and then they die that's what a chiropractor does i know but then but then you're okay but then you live has anyone here been to a chiropractor yeah i've been adjusted before. You've been adjusted. They didn't go hard in the paint, but I got my back done, and it was like they just go and just all. It was sick, dude.

I mean, if it was placebo or not. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It still felt better. And even if it wasn't real, it still felt better. So to me, that is real medicine, even if it is placebo. You know what I mean? I felt better. So whatever got me there, I real medicine even if it is placid i mean you know what i mean like i felt better so whatever got me there i don't care if it was real or not i went once many years ago um when i was having when i threw my back out somehow uh and it did help a little bit but then it came back it didn't it came back right away i didn't get like the magic hug he put

me in like a rack like this this crazy, like, you know, like the shit that Han Solo goes in when they freeze him, that kind of thing. It was like a metal frame. I was in this rack and he was like spinning me upside down and like spinning me. Kind of thing. Yeah.

And like pulling on my neck and stuff, like while I was upside down doing all that kind of stuff, it did feel better. Briefly, Jason, if I could go on a brief tangent here, I'd like to tell you that a friend of ours, a close personal friend of this podcast,

used to think that Han Solo's name was Hans Solo. Yeah. It's a drastically different character. Like one Hans? He thought it was Hans, like he's Swedish. Oh, I am Han Solo. Where have my friends gone? They just didn't hear

like correctly when they were referring to Han in the movies like just misinterpreted Han and Chewie I don't know how much experience Shane Torres let's call a spade a spade had with had with Star Wars leading up to this

incident but I assume he watched I don't know if he was like in like soundgarden-esque bands in the dallas fort worth area his entire teenagehood i assume at some point he listened to it uh also i just i'm gonna throw out the name mike malloy because he recently tweeted he stops listening if we don't say his name within half an hour now you're hooked buddy welcome to the next two hours of your life han Han Solo, Shane Torres. Not Hans Solo. It is one of the more relatable, embarrassing things he's done, though. It is.

You can see how someone could get there. Yeah. I thought, you know, what felonious monk. I mean, I got my fair share. So it's not, I'm not throwing shit. I'm just saying. It's not Hans. That's crazy.

He's the one person in the universe named Hans. Well, now there's other Han. There's Han from the Fast and Furious franchise. There's Han Oak, the restaurant in Portland. There's like a lot of different Hans now. Hattori Hanzo. Hattori Hanzo Blade, dude. He makes swords.

Han Solo, also named Han Solo from the Fast and Furious movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Han Solo, the character from that Adam Sandler movie where the siblings are having sex. Yeah. That's my boy. Oh, yeah. Han Goodman, the most out-of-breath Jedi

that there has ever been. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Man. Oh, we joke around. It's fun. We do. We have a good time on this podcast. And that's ultimately what we do. We just kind of shoot the shit. There is a fantasy draft element, but really it's fun we do we have a good time on this podcast and that's yeah

ultimately we just kind of shoot the shit there is a fantasy draft element but really it's just an excuse for friends to hang out and that's what we're doing here yeah it's so nice it's wonderful it's like being in the army it's like yeah if you watch jarhead that's what that is yeah that's what a lot of them would have you know it's just like hanging out we do some other shit this is some light other shit but it's mostly like you're just hanging out it's like a big big sleepover that happens all the time and you get up early you want to shoot guns with your friends right it's just like living in detroit yeah well if like if being in shape and all shredded up if that's going to bother you then i guess don't join but you know if it's not gonna bother you then

then join up you know i will say i don't like a room with too many buff dudes. I will say that. Yeah. I will say that for free. That's why most stadiums don't have roofs, so you're not technically in a room with them. It's the David clause. That's why most NFL stadiums don't have a roof,

because if there was a roof and you were in there with too many buff dudes, it would get weird. The vibe would be off, dude. Bad vibes. I have a hat that says good vibes only. So like clearly that's not what I'm about. Like something that I'm saying or searching or doing makes my Facebook algorithm think that all I want to see is fights at football stadiums.

And I barely go on Facebook. I go on to see if my fans, something, I think we know what it is. What am I doing? I think, I think your Google and your facebook are linked and it's you the amount of times you google the joker probably feeds into your facebook algorithm it's also instagram like are you watching i bet you it's this a fight at a stadium comes up on your instagram and you end up, and you end up,

not only do you watch it though, I bet you, you watch the whole thing. Like end to end. And when you, and when there's that kind of engagement and buying the algorithm goes, Oh, I know what this guy wants.

Even if this guy doesn't know what he wants, I know what he wants. It's unfortunate because that's the first thing I saw today. When I woke up, I checked Facebook and I saw a fight at a football stadium unfortunate because That's the first thing I saw today When I woke up I checked Facebook And I saw a fight at a football stadium And I just watched the whole thing That's the first thing I saw You're forging the fire dude

You're born again hard But now look inside yourself and tell me Did you like it You liked it I don't like it It's interesting You loved it You watched it. I don't like it. You dirty little. You liked it. You liked it. It's interesting. You loved it.

You loved it. You watched it in the morning. It is interesting. I will say that. That means you like it. It's peeking out from the kitchen like, ooh, baby cleaned his plate. And they go back to the oven and they cook up some more. I love it's interesting.

Like Sean is there with his pipe and his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. What's this? It's not an Atlantic piece. Another confrontation, man versus man in the stadium. It's a metaphor for life and the competition that we all go through. Particularly from an anthropological standpoint, I find this absolutely fascinating. Wait, here's my question did you watch that before you put clothes on yeah and i've been sleeping you love it you love it i don't again interesting that's what you know what else you find interesting? Skateboard. Hard-boiled potatoes. Whiskey.

Those are all things that you find interesting. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're not wrong. I'll tell you when you're wrong, but you're not wrong. What else does your algorithm give you? Yeah. Honestly, it's a lot of different fights and different...

Here, I get this one. I get this one. I get road rage fights a lot. And I understand that because they must hear me in my car. But a lot of them where it just pops up and they're like minivan versus Volkswagen. And I'm like, uh-oh. I'll sit up. That's better than an alarm clock to get me.

That's better than coffee. I'm like wide awake. All I'm saying is my algorithm regularly feeds me sublime T-shirts. So there aren't any accidents happening here, man. No, there aren't. Mine feeds me a lot of like weird vintage sports attire yeah yeah my algorithm is you know butts butts oh butts my algorithm is like animals scottish people and chiropractors that's pretty good yeah that's all right that's a good memoir title mine's a lot of weird like front-facing fat joe and like an airport just really casual fat joe

that kind of thing i get a lot of those i get a lot of airport fights in my algorithms too i don't know i honestly don't know i'm not talking about i mean i'm talking about it I get a lot of those. I get a lot of airport fights in my algorithms, too. The Instagram reel. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I'm not talking about, I mean, I'm talking about it hella right now, but in general, I'm not out talking about fights. I'm not searching for, I'm really not. I'm being dead honest. Yeah, because they're being supplied to you in an endless stream. You don't need to search for it if it's coming to you, like a concierge is delivering it to you and you're watching every video. I honestly don't know how it, really don't it's wild but i i i don't understand how you don't know how it happened it's like you it's like you fucking cracked a

couple eggs on a bowl poured some flour in there mixed it together added the vanilla whisked it put it in the oven and there's a cake there and you're like i don't know who fucking put this cake here where does cake get? It's like being a regular at a restaurant and walking in and they just make your dish and you eat it and you're like, I don't know. How do they do this every time? How do they know what I want?

It's because you come in every day and you eat that. And what you eat is some dude fucking a dude up in a Costco sample line. An anti-vaxxer pushing a flight attendant. That's what you don't. Were you in my bed this morning? I swear, dude.

Like Walmart anti-vaxxer. It's so wild when you're like, all right, I'm in. Your favorite dish is the kind of punches that make a guy's pants fall down. Oh, man. One that I got today was popeye's out of chicken and it's just like it looks like it's gonna be a rumble and i'm like uh-oh it's seriously it was these dudes trying to get into the popeyes and these guys these guys are going we're out of chicken and these guys are like that's bullshit this is popeyes and they're like we're out of

chicken and then they fought i think i've seen video. I love the idea of you in bed with the baby and that video comes up and you say to the baby, Baby's downstairs. Baby can't be in bed with you. Yeah, yeah, baby's downstairs. Baby's got their own iPad. Baby's watching MMA fails. She's starting up her own algorithm.

I'm going to start her easy with funny fights and then we'll get into real ones. Oh, boy. jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram sean fucking sean still in dog patch south dakota on the algorithm as far as as far as the internet is concerned yeah dude north north cliff i'm out there how are you doing buddy what's what's the latest it's a lot since the last time i'm excited excited. So one thing real quick. November 18th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Me, Kyle Kinane, at the Icon Event Hall. That's right. It's in Sioux Falls, a place called Icon Event Hall.

So go there. Please come. It'll be fun. But other than that, I released a rap song. It's called Gear Crisis. Stream it on Spotify or buy it on iTunes. It's awesome. Shout out Jeff Tice and Isaac Lee.

And then I bought a house i'm a homeowner now unbelievable this is this is huge just off the gear crisis proceeds too yeah yeah dude yeah it's like a 20 house it's a it's a crazy market talk about being a homeowner dude what where is it what's the exact address we went drop it's six nine six nine three eleven dank court my phone number is one eight seven six nine six nine oh yeah uh it's so we went shopping we're getting like new wood floors we went like wood floor shopping the other day by the way pretty funny man if you go floor shopping if you want to be laughing the whole time thinking about like boner jokes you can be laughing the whole time thinking about boner jokes and then based on the hardwood uh-huh

right it's so funny a lot of pounding and installation yeah yeah all of it every single every single lot of different rails of of different kinds of wood yeah rails reams all that stuff a lot of cock and pussy yeah do you want the pussy the pussy floors? And I was like, no, bro. But I showed him my Facebook algorithm. I was like, what am I watching if I want the pussy floors? What am I doing out here? Oh, man. This guy's pissed that Applebee's ran out of fucking Southwest taquitos, dude.

You think I'm not watching that? Be the hardwood. Yeah, man. It's sick. I mean, it's going to be like two months before we go in, but like crazy. I feel escrow is done. Like it's your house. Keys in before we go in, but crazy. Escrow's done? It's your house.

Keys in hand, dude. Everything's done. We signed all the papers. Boy, you got to sign a lot of papers. It took an hour and a half for us to sign the papers, but it's dope. I can't believe it. It's because, out of character, I'm going gonna get a little mushy here because

of this show. Everybody listening to this show, I will not be made fun of right now. Everybody listening to this show. You will. You are the reason that I got to do this. And it's crazy to me. My dad, I was talking to Ian about this. My dad lived in a motel for a while.

And I have a house now. So it's just crazy that it can work. It can work. Now I'm gonna buy a motel for a while. And I have a house now. So it's just crazy that it can work. It can work. Now I'm going to buy a motel. Yeah. I said I will not be made fun of. All the biting remarks. I will not take the bait.

Thank you to everybody who listens to this show. Thank you to anyone who messes with it. It's just so dope. So that's it. Describe the house to us. Give us the layout. I want to picture it in my mind. Yeah you seen platoon yeah yeah it's like a foxhole yeah we just went and dug a foxhole in someone's yard and put like some wallpaper on the dirt oh fuck yeah

it's uh it's a it's a ranch style home three bed two bath uh dope backyard i think it said on the listing dope backyard wow it's got a shed out back that's been commandeered as the skate shed. And the queen gave me permission to put a mini ramp in the backyard. Wow. Yeah, dude. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Now, you move in in early December, right?

Yeah. Early December. Cool. So you'll be there for the 100th anniversary of that murder that happened at your address. Yeah. cool so you'll be there for the 100th anniversary of that murder that happened at your address yeah well and not to mention the burial ground that the 100th anniversary of the the burial ground that it's on on this very night yeah on this very night year of our lord december 1st 1921 yeah i do think your house is haunted just based off some pictures i've seen of it i've run and passed some very spiritual people I know. I think it's haunted.

That's all right, man. Ranch style. No basement. Yeah. Not a lot of basements up in the Rip City. From what I gather. I mean, I don't know. I love a basement.

Well, they don't want you going down into the earth under the house as we understand it. Because there are things down there. They want that sealed off. Yeah. Molten men. Yeah. Yeah. Men. Yeah. Yeah. There's a,

there's an abattoir on the floor and do not twist any of the dials in it. Oh no. I've seen, no, I've seen movies. There's a gate. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you, do you own the water rights? Can't even act like I know what you mean. I don't even know. It might just be an out in the country thing. I think it's an out in the country thing. What are the water rights? Like, you can own your home, but not own the water rights to your property.

Other people can own it. That's like, it happens in Elizabeth a lot. Like a creek? So if there's like a creek that runs through it, like you don't own the creek or something like that? No, like the infrastructure water, like the water company or whatever. I don't know. I think that's an Elizabeth thing. Yeah, I was just talking to Sam's dad about it like a week ago. Don't know. Water wrongs an elizabeth thing yeah i was just talking to sam's dad about it like a week ago don't know water wrongs too dude that's something you know

a little bit about wait are you gonna build the ramp i will help build the ramp oh you got to make a watch along or a podcast yeah my buddy ryan my buddy ryan the the ringleader pushing 40s pushing boardies he he already sent me plans. He's like, let's get on it. And Laura, like, I really, I brought it up when we were moving in and I was like, oh, perfect spot for a mini ramp. You know, a little social bit that you do.

And then she's like, yeah, I mean, yeah. We got it. Because on the side, we have a spot for like an RV or whatever. You're going to get an RV? We don't have an RV yet. No, we're going. Eventually, 20 years from now,

we'll have an RV, but we don't have an RV yet. Wait, are you going to be, 20 years from now, we'll have an RV, but we don't have an RV yet. Wait, are you guys going to snowboard? Is that your plan? Snowboard. Snowboard. Does that mean travel around? Does that mean drive to all 50?

Yeah. Kind of one of those things? Yes. Then yes. Well, it means to escape those Portland winters, you hit the road, dude. You hit the south. You're in Taos. Hashtag van life.

Yeah, man. Yeah, all of it. Yep, sign me up. Get some fucking jet skis now dude i mean well first first things first we gotta get we gotta get maxine into purdue she's gonna be a boiler maker i already got tattoos cooking so yeah yeah unless a bearcat would she be a boiler maker or bearcat that's since i make her purdue bearcat of cincinnati i know i'm saying i've worked where should i'm just going based off the mascot names and i'm saying we joke around a lot on this podcast get a couple fucking jet skis so we can have hot boy portland summer yeah dude you should get some jet skis are we just gonna park the jet skis like on belmont somewhere and sit on i rent i can't

have your rv would go dude put them where your rv would go you don't tell me two fucking sea dues wouldn't fit in there they'd fit i think you could i think you could fit three three dues they'd fit in the living room too and then i could put the couch in the rv spot one do and then like a a boat that is like the mothership for the sea do so that you can be yeah you can be out there on the boat and we're fishing we're doing whatever and then someone could take the sea do and kind of like run around the boat a couple laps yeah i need ian to lead by doing he already owns a home and i don't see any jet skis at that home so you get there's no lakes down there's no i can't do it i can't do it what am i gonna put in the fucking silver lake reservoir there's not the infrastructure here we don't have the water

rights to the to the to the property like take it to the pacific ocean well he can't have that just go drag it down the beach drag it down redondo like all the way to the shore the columbia river the willamette river hag lake all right there's a drought down here yeah does he have to go on and and keep naming bodies of water that you can put in spirit i will pitch on a seadue with you is that what you're worried about the money i will pitch on it with you all right we will use a whole month's patreon and just buy a jet ski i think we could get two at this point used gently are you trying to get new there's no such thing as a gently used jet ski if anybody no well david will hold your hand and walk you through the fucking used jet ski market dude he. He's done it before. I get nervous.

This is my first jet ski. Thank you. I've been flipping jet skis since before I could drive. That's how I got through community college, flipping skis. Come on, man. Giving magic hugs and flipping skis. Yeah, dude. Danny Borey is here.

Coolguyyokes87 on Instagram. Hey hey and that's fucking it brother how are you doing buddy i'm good thank you so much to everybody who came out in des moines last night so much fun i am done on the road for a little bit and that is good because i am so so tired yeah i don't know my next road dates you gotta just see me in denver i the road takes it out of you no matter what your best intentions are yeah yeah it's been like seven eight weeks on plus all the other shit so i'm just like i'm fried i'm fried you know it's fine if you count travel i haven't had a day off in like seven weeks or something i can't travel of course you can't travel it's harder than it's hard work

yeah it's harder than doing the show for damn sure that's true the show is the fun part of which once again to mine to mine to mine thank you so it was really fun i had a good time my hour is getting there i did not eat for like 26 hours because i'm just a bad planner yeah did you know red bull's not food yes but now that's that can't be true i learned to drink it right before you go on stage it sort of works like food causes your stomach to probably spasm and freak out in a way where it's like, well, we couldn't even deal with food right now anyway. But then you feel alive on stage. Like, you ever be on stage and you kind of have to pee and then you're like really giving it to them? It's like that kind of thing.

And that pushes you to the next level. Yeah, for sure. Was it hard to do the show after your wings sprouted? Was that tricky? Yeah, that's right. Did you have to don't i don't think you did it well red bull gives you wings so was it hard to like stay on the stage yeah you're right i was you don't much like when i always do stand up i was floating above everyone that's what they buy the tickets for decide to see the room fills with a golden light somebody

hit me up about your show last night they they were like saw your boy david he was dope he didn't bring up the skate park i was like that's tight man what skate park there's the biggest skate park i think in the country in des moines right now why would i they just had the an olympic qualifier there you ever say des moines like a cartoon saying that somebody getting a boner like yep 100 good that's why they named it after that i assume it is yeah i don't know clever term for boner it's uh i think it's spanish for boner it's french jason concepcion is here i'm fucking jumping in there. At network with a three instead of the second E on Twitter. And then at X underscore network with a three instead of the second E underscore X on Instagram. And I'm assuming AOL Instant Messenger as well.

That's 100% correct. That was my AOL Instant Messenger name. And my Xbox Live, my Xbox NETW3RK. It's my Xbox Live handle since the year 2000 yes damn dude we're playing video games on the internet in 2000 well i think that's when they introduced the service for halo 2 and i was like i gotta go i gotta do it whatever it takes doom and shit like in like 95 right like doom and duke nukem weren't that was like 95 96 that was on land and then on dial up yeah shake

it baby duke nukem dude for sure shake it baby when you handed out the cash oh yeah we used to turn the lights off and just play doom and it was like kind of scary kind of fun and scary like there was shit around the corners and like you know it was fun i land partied some fucking starcraft and some warcraft back in the day there were a lot of birthday parties like that was ik cool jew that was doing that right that was that might have been sticky mcjew that might have even predated ik cool jew i used to bring my xbox and my television to someone's house once a week we would have that tuesday night tuesday night like halo parties where we would all put bring our tvs and set them up like in a room and just sit there and play like

that that's so i missed all that i don't know if it was just the golden light of our youth or if the fact that things have gotten so big that like some somehow those constraints made it more fun but there was nothing more fucking fun than like hooking it up at a land party like that and just like fucking playing like sick or maybe it's that we just never hang out for like eight hours and just play video games and eat pizza with no physical consequence but i fucking used to love that so much dude it was the best it was the best and then you know it's like you know these kids say they don't understand like unplugging your sony trinitron television tube television and bringing that to your friend's house so that you can all sit around

smoke weed surreptitiously and then play halo while you're getting screamed at for looking at somebody else's screen yeah you sit like you risk shattering every bone in your foot with every step you take carrying a tube tv from a to b and it's worth it like plastic is like hanging off of it halfway through you know what i mean it's like not attached to your fingers you can feel it you're like it's digging like my bone has to be exposed in my finger by the time i'm done carrying it the screen stays partially illuminated even after you unplug it somehow yeah how does that happen yeah i don't know she used to creep me out or like you could see a shape you could see like the shape of whatever character was on there after it's off and you're like i don't know about all that david no i did not do that all right i'm sorry i want to relate i just that's not just that's

not where i was i didn't do that either but it's fun to talk about all right our version was like watching skate videos all night and just staying up or we played mortal combat a bunch i guess yeah yeah you played video games sometimes yeah but we didn't like bring over the the oh you're just you never played video games i played hella video games we never had like i played madden i was competitive at madden in high school and then like whenever qb vision came around i think is when i quit and i just never i just did not i never really and then for a long time we were i just was not in like nope i was i just i don't know man i just missed it I have a Playstation now I never play it

I didn't have a console for a long time so I had people I had quote unquote friends that I just kept around because I could go over there and play Goldeneye for four hours right yeah see I didn't even have

I didn't have N64 I didn't even have, I don't think, I didn't have an N64. I didn't even have a PlayStation 2. I had a Nintendo. A lot of rocks in the creek. You know what I mean? Just, you know, seeing stuff would float. You know, it was a good, I've had a good life.

A lot of wet socks. Yeah. Don't feel sorry for me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy. I'm doing fine. Jason, we, we pride ourselves on being the only podcast, but you, you, you, I mean, you've

put the light of that in a big way. What have, what have you been, what have you been up to lately? Where can people fuck with you? You got a lot of that in a big way. What have you been up to lately? Where can people fuck with you? You got a lot of stuff cooking. You can find my podcast on Crooked Media. Those include Take Line, which I co-host with two-time WNBA champion Renee Montgomery, where we tackle sports and the intersection of sports and culture. And then my show X-Ray Vision, which is everything nerd culture from Game of Thrones to Marvel movies to

Harry Potter and Star Wars, et cetera. And then if you're watching the Apple TV Program Foundation, which is the adaptation of the Isaac Asimov classic sci-fi series of the same name, you can find me on the official podcast to this TV series foundation in which I interview David S. Goyer show runner and various other people associated with the show. And it's a, and it's a great show and it looks like a million zillion bucks. Also,

I guessed on my, on my friend, the, the no buffs, no dunks guys, Trey Kirby, Toss, et cetera, JD, No Dunks guys, Trey Kirby, Toss, etc. JD, where we talk about Survivor and stuff.

We talk about Survivor once a week. I guest on there and we just cut it up about the show Survivor. Might have to sink my teeth into that new Apple show. Foundation of the Night. It's great. It looks really good. And it's good. It's good?

It's good. And it gets really, I don't want to spoil it at all. I think there are only two or three right now. But it gets like crazy good. It's good. It's good. Again, it gets really, I don't want to spoil it at all. I think there are only two or three right now, but it gets, it gets like crazy good. Yeah. It was supposed to be like an unmakeable show, right? Wasn't that like with the book on it kind of? Yes, it was supposed to be unmakeable because first of all, the first book was released like episodically, like chapter by chapter and like in a sci-fi magazine. And then also the story spans like centuries. Like it goes,

like it just goes on and on for like century. Like you'll just jump ahead 400 years. So it was supposed to be unmakable, but I'll tell you what, they did make it. They made it. They figured out a way to make it. They fucked around and they made that show.

Two time WNBA champion, which we have been trying to do, but so far marissa has been uncooperative well she's she's got to get serious about it she has too many the thing is about marissa is she has too many hobbies and she's unwilling to just like drill down get on the court and like put in the actual work that it would take to become a multiple-time w nba champion she's just kind of like she has skill. You haven't shot around with Marissa. You haven't shot around with her.

She's coasting on the talent, but it takes the work, too. Plus, she keeps going for those big, those Russian teams keep dropping like $3, $4, $5 million a year. So she goes and plays over there and she's too tired for the WNBA season. She burns out.

I'm sorry I brought it up. That's all I'll say. She's got to decide what she wants to do do you want to go to russia and play in the russian women's super league and make like two three million dollars a season or do you want to be a wnba legend who wins multiple championships makes 37 000 a year uh and is a legend forever yeah you need to decide marissa and you need to be serious about it put down the video games put down the beat saber leave russia and think about your legacy i just like video games

too much i just like overwatch too much i want to be an esports player not a real sports player damn classic generation guys got him until that day until that day afp will suffer that's all i'll say uh my name is ian carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish. Say Ian Carmel wrong. That's 1251 in Russia, dude. That's the new Drake song.

It's 1251 in Moscow. This is all fantasy everything. I have nothing to promote. Watch late late show with james corden where i continue to be uh a parallel inability and and and good looks andy richter people got people got mad at me for saying a less funny andy richter although i still maintain i am less funny than andy richter but i'm on there side kicking and set tripping uh what else listen to all fantasy everything and that's that's friggin it that's friggin it now we we could talk about what time it is in various parts of russia oh wait can i say watch wowie oh yeah please yeah come on tell

the people about your new thing i i host a marijuana cannabis friendly talk show three days a week with julia razzi oh wow watch that too we interviewed doctors and master growers we interviewed an olympian the other day it's fun do you guys also have taraji p henson on next week oh yeah no she's doing the press tour yeah she's doing everybody she's doing it yeah no she's touring the town she's touring the town i think she's doing joe rogan next week too it's rogan late late show and wowie yeah she's doing she's doing everybody she's doing it yeah no she's touring the town she's touring the town i think she's doing joe rogan next week too it's rogan late late show and wowie yeah that's i mean that's these days that's the that's the gauntlet you know what i mean it's the fucking car wash did you have trouble figuring out what you were going to do with andy circus and eventually just say we'll do the interview and that's good enough

yeah we just had him watch some old drug psas from the 80s easy peasy easy peasy i'm not trying to break his back on this one watch wowie listen to listen to and watch all of jason's uh incredible work fuck with me and sean jordan wherever we happen to be all that's wonderful but today i i can't i can't beat around the bush any longer that's right we we're here to draft excuses yeah we're here to draft excuse a picked by jason done by us once live in seattle washington the first date of our fabled 2019 tour but but never recorded fucked up by the venue is that right sean yeah the dude he came at me too i hit him up and i was like there's nothing on here and um the email was something where he's like, what do you want me to do about it, bro? And I was at work and I just stepped back and I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey.

And in my mind, I was like, you don't because you didn't know yet. None of you knew yet. I was like, I don't think you want me to tell the hotheads. You know, it's like if you screwed up, fine. But he was and then I kind of explained how it was going to work and then he was very apologetic and i was like just say you know i get it mistakes happen but anyway yeah dude was dude came at me a little bit and i kind of i bristled as much as i bristled sean gave him the old magic hug dude yeah yeah i don't i don't bristle a lot but i was it really

i had to like take a couple minutes away from my computer because it pissed me off so much because he just got mad you say it got you rankled? Would you say that? Did it get your dander up? Yeah, man. It really pissed me the fuck off, you know? Okay, all right. Calm down.

You got a daughter upstairs. She's gone, man. This is what all of those fights that you watch all the time are doing to you sean exactly hey jason why don't you come up to portland and say that yeah you guys can fight we can fight over the last buffalo we can fire in the mountain i want to see you so bad wow pep boys is out of fucking windshield wiper fluid, dude. Don't hear that.

Pipe breaks out. Mass is about to burn down. Yeah, dude. Keep that tool on me like a Pep Boy. I think they're doing a bar crawl across, or it's just one drunk lady. Des Moines is rocking. Yeah, dude. Yeah, Des Moines ain't not rocking on a Saturday afternoon with bar calls.

No, they're going for it out here. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw and shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Sean Jordan wins! He throws the scissors against Jason and David's rock. I wanted to go first.

A rare Sean Jordan victory, but no less savory for its rarity. Sean Jordan, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft before you do that. I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Oh, that's a great question.

I had something in mind but i heard jason use a word earlier and i hope did you say surreptitious earlier jason i did say surreptitious now i'm guessing let's say you don't put it on pancakes let's say that you and a bunch of friends all get your tube televisions together and you bring them over to one living room and you're going to play video games and while you're playing video games you're like we want to smoke some weed so one of you the person on either side lights up a joint and then you all take a hit you pass it down as it were it gets to the last person say on the left side and before they pass it all the way back they take another hit and then they pass it all the way

back to the right side and then the person farthest on the right hits it and then they pass it all the way back to the right side and then the person farthest on the right hits it and then they're going to pass but as you know the general rule is puff puff pass so you take two hits on the right and then you pass it all the way back down sort of surreptitiously as it were until the joint's gone and then you enjoy your night of

feasting and gaming I see basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round in gaming. I see. Basically, what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Myself, Jason, David, Ian.

Okay. Jason, David, dude. Tripod, third leg. Okay. I'll fucking say it. Everybody's thinking it. Say it. I'll come right out and say it.

Go ahead. Hot corner. Wow. Yeah. I got the hot fucking corner. Sean Jordan giving himself the first pick. Giving himself the first pick. An ungenerous declaration of the order.

Ah, not worried about it. Not worried about it. Something, some sort of critter has been digging in my herb garden, not a euphemism. It's been happening and I'm going to get to the bottom of it before we do. We're going to take a short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Babel.

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which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again 60 off at babble.com slash all fantasy spelled b-a-b-b-e-l dot com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed except of, for the litany of Jason Concepcion's media projects,

which I will now read out in order. Take Line, Foundation, the official podcast, and, of course, X-Ray Vision. This is the greatest promo I've ever received. Could it be a mole? In my entire career. In LA?

That's it. It's way too big for a mole. It's way too big. It's got to be skunks. I bet it's a skunk. There's a lot of skunks in your neighborhood's it it's way too big for a mole it's way too big it's gotta be skunks i bet there's a lot of skunks in out in in your neighborhood dude i've never seen a skunk in light in real life ever until moved to glendale and then i saw like nine in a year california is heavy and i wonder why they don't put that on the brochure you never hear about it skunk city sunshine and palm trees dude that's all they fucking sell you

sunshine palm trees meanwhile stink town skunks to the left of me coyotes to the right dude that's fucking that's at water village i see a skunk almost every time i go out for a walk at night and they're out there i was going to someone's house in uh glendale one time i don't know i can't remember whose house is crazy but i was walking up the stairs and a skunk was at the top of the stairs and i talked to it like it was gonna rob me i stopped and i was like it's cool and i was talking to it like a person i was like it's all good and i start backing down i was like you just stay there it's cool don't sweat it and then you don't want to get gland blasted i i woke up dude. I walked out of my bedroom and there was a skunk in my kitchen,

buck-ass naked cooking bacon. Dude, like Ving Rhames in Baby Boy. Do you think that skunks feel good when they let that gland blast? Yeah. Does that feel good to them? I mean, I know what feels good to me and I'm going to assume. me and i'm gonna assume you're talking about donating to charity is that what feels good to you yeah i think he's talking about when he left that gland blast oh it was it was the gland blasting i was wondering if that's where you meant. I think he's referring to letting that gland blast.

Just got to let that gland go. But to be fair, what type of expelling liquid doesn't feel good? That's true. Vomiting, I think sometimes you feel better afterwards. There is a catharsis. It doesn't necessarily feel great as it is evacuating yeah i kind of like it i do kind of like that feeling of it evacuating to support your uh your argument though david i think any liquid that comes from a gland usually feels good coming out of that gland right right we're about to get some different video recommendations

sean's algorithm is going nuts listening right now i hope they don't take the information they have already and then add this to it i hope they give me a whole new plan blasting and sean laying in bed tomorrow morning interesting Interesting. This is so interesting to me. Interesting. These bears are sex fighting. Just a skunk spraying at Popeyes because they're out of shape. These bears are sex fighting over anti-vaxxing at a Sam's Club. Also, do they have like a limit?

Like how many times can they blast in a day there's got to be a limit yeah there's like 20 minutes they need 20 minutes smoke a cigarette come back and then i think they could do it again well if you can blast a bunch you'll get paid like that's what skunks don't realize you can make money yeah you can keep going oh yeah out in the valley yeah you move to van eyes and if you can do take after take, you'll make 20 bucks a day. Yeah, some of them are like it takes a long time to blast and that's cool, but the real fucking big money winners are the ones who can blast over and over again.

Some of them can't blast with a camera crew around, which you're never going to make any money that way. I also heard if you blast on camera a lot, they get PTSD after a while. They're just sort of walking around with a hollow look in their eye. I hear that some of them are skunks that usually blast on other skunks, but then they blast on people just because there's less temptation. It's easier for them to do.

Oh, yeah. Blast for cash. They got that. Yeah. Yeah. Spray for pay. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Spray for pay. John Jordan, you got the first pick and the excuses now these are just any fucking excuses excuses to get us out of anything nothing specific but you can get specific if you want Sean Jordan you have the first pick diarrhea

that's a great one you can't mess with it you just can't and it's such a good one because like if you're going to a public place most people don't want to's such a good one because like if you're going to a public place most people don't want to poop in a public bathroom i don't i don't have a problem with it i never have but i don't want to and that's a great one where you're like i just can't man i can't i just can't

when the uber's getting near and you feel it in your rear yeah dear yeah you know what's great about diarrhea is another great gland blast for sure watching me try to spell it and get it wrong every time i try because there's six r's yeah it's spelled weird dude it's like the word rhythm it's just like d-i-a-r-r-h-e-a i think that's right dude i really think you got it yeah i always try to put like i always try to make it like diharhi-a-ria, like D-H-hi-a-ria. And then my computer's like, nah, fool. Did you mean di-hi-a-ria? D-H-hi-a-ria was an influential author in the turn of the century.

D-H-hi-a-ria? Oh, yeah. Him and Arthur C. Clarke, they did a fellowship together. A lot of people don't know that. Early science fiction. Early science fiction early science fiction the shropshire boys i so when i was in middle school a buddy of mine got uh grounded because he snuck out we used to sneak out all the time he got caught one time when i wasn't there so when he was ungrounded i was like i'll buy us a bunch of weed and i we can well let's have you know we'll sneak out tonight and we'll smoke all this weed.

So I bought the weed at school and my buddy's brother brought it and it was a lot. It was like, I speak in weed terms poorly, but it was like three quarters. So I guess three-fourths of an ounce. And I had it in my sock

and everyone was like, drug dogs are coming, dude. Because it got around that I had weed in my sock and of course then the like drug dogs are coming dude because it got around that i had weed in my sock and of course then the rumor starts and so by second period i was like flipping out and uh so i went to the office and i told him i was sick and they told me to go to the nurse's office and i looked at the principal i was like i have explosive diarrhea i have to go home and they were like okay call your mom and since then i was like oh for real like it works

nobody can mess with that one so no that's what's great about diarrhea is in admitting it there is a little bit of like it's you being vulnerable it's like nobody would really admit to having diarrhea because people are they're like oh poor you you wouldn't say that if you were lying because no it's also not contagious right well it can be in a pool it can be yeah like in a in certain situations it can be if it's bacteria based you know you can uh you know without proper hand sanitation diarrhea from your diarrhea for sure our friend ron you ask our friend ron funches if diarrhea isn't contagious right got a whole show shut down. Oh, I forgot about that.

Excuse me. The Giardia. So, yeah, the the slip and slide show. Ron and Bobby Moynihan had a whole show canceled. I like I like Giardia. I like those peppers on like a hot dog. I like Giardia De Laurentiis. I don't care what people say.

I like that era of the food network. The Hyria. I was I thought about late late in the game last night, like late. And I was very excited. That's top three for me. When I lived in New York City, I had this weird anxiety. My train commute was like 45 minutes, maybe. And I had this fear that I would get diarrhea on the train.

So like I had like the, you you know the diarrhea pills with me and i and i would have these like occasionally uh if i was under stress or whatever i'd have these like weird panic attacks like fucking i'm gonna have diarrhea on this train so i knew where all like the bathrooms were like close to the train station the whole thing it's a it's a fear listen that's how i feel in new york constantly constantly i feel like as soon as i hit manhattan i just have to shit and piss always and it's a ticking time bomb i got caught slipping on the bus on the way to work like code for you shit your pants on the bus yeah not fully but a little bit and like right when i could see work and i was the bus doors were opening i was like no and it was like coming out a little bit got in the bathroom i had see work and i was the bus doors were opening i was like no and it

was like coming out a little bit got in the bathroom i had to like i had to toss the drawers and then i sit down at my desk and the girl next to me she's after like 10 minutes she's like smells like poop in here and i was like shit the beginning of my shift the beginning of my shift and i was like damn it's also she said that you, right? She said you smell like poop. Yeah, she might as well have said it to my pants, dude. She knew what time it was. If anyone was going to have pooped their pants in that job, it was going to be me at that time.

Diarrhea, dude. When you slide into the third and you feel a juicy turd. Sean picked diarrhea. Jason, time for your first pick. Gosh, I'm going to go uh a death in the family death of the family uh no again no one's gonna argue with it you're going to uh you're you're you're being vulnerable people are going are you lying or you or did it really happen either in

either case whether you're using it as a lie it's it's it's definitely like if you're lying it's a one-time use only break break glass in case of emergency but it's done after that you're done with that you can never do it again i've never done it you can't go back i've never done it either but uh but it but it is one that people just implicitly respect. There's going to be no pushback on time off. There's going to be no nothing. It's going to be a lot of, I'm so sorry for your loss.

And if you need anything, let me know. And see you when you get back. Yep. If you do lie, well, you don't lie. You truth move with this one. Sure. You truth move. Where you mince words and you're like yeah my grandma died a few years ago so you say like i had a death and my grandma died and you're like yeah she did she died and then you remember all the events

yeah i'm moving to right now as though they just happened yeah i feel you i i may i bet i've done that i don't know what my statute is but, I bet that I've stretched the truth a little bit where it's like acted maybe a little more upset than I still was about somebody who passed. Yeah. Also, unless maybe you're not that tuned in to your feelings, you might still be upset about that thing. That's the thing.

That's one thing I've learned about myself. I totally tell myself I'm over shit. And then I'm just like you know stealing a chicken wing at one o'clock in the morning and it's like oh maybe something's going on in there as a hypothetical it's like maybe this happened a while ago but you know what like we never we never opened up to each other we never got that chance and all of a sudden like here are those feelings well and here's something so like the person that you're saying died like if let's say this is a real person that died,

but your truth shift or moving or whatever, if I feel like they would be okay with it, me using that for an excuse, then it helps. Like my dad would be looking like, yeah, man, go for it. Use this as many times as you can. Yeah. Yeah. I got a friend like that too.

He would, he would love it if I didn't go to work. Cause he died yeah a decade ago guys i gotta i actually gotta quit the podcast right now but but just died i kind of feel like if you get to that place where you need that one right where you need to truth shift that one and you need it whoever you invoke wherever they are they are in that tunnel of light and they get it and they accept you and they know that you need it in that moment and they support it and they support i would never get mad about it i bet yeah you know use it i think it's honoring their memory in a way oh yeah some some bullshit the more

bullshit it is that you're getting out of, the better, too. This is to anybody who listens. When I go, use it freely. Yeah, yeah. There's no copyright on that. My friend David,

my friend David Borey recently fell off a sea-doo. Yeah. He lost him in a terrible jet ski accident. He went full Sean Kingston. There were fireworks involved. It was a hell of a show.

You tell him, if Carms dies, you tell him Ian Carmel was part of a weird sect of Judaism that gets buried three years later. You tell him that. That's right. When did he die or when did he go on the ground? It's two different answers. We have to scatter ash by ash

in every city with over 10,000 people in the, in the country. Single ash by single ash. I got the Southwest sector. So yeah, it's either that or his spirit walks the earth, like in perpetual limbo for eternity. And I,

I can't have that on me. No, actually when I die, my shoulders, when I die, my spirit's going to walk the earth playing limbo the whole time. it's gonna be kind of fun because i think i'll be good at it yeah i think i'll get all the way down on the ground boy and every girl all around the limbo world that'd be fun i think you'd be good at limbo if you were dead those two things end up

having the same name you know like the game limbo and then being stuck in purgatory how are those the same that is one of the weirder ones yeah i think limbo just means in between and when you're doing a limbo you're in between the ground and upright is it homonym what am i thinking of when when two words are the same but they can need harmony they're grit they mean two things what is it i thought it might have had something to do with limber but am i just am i just inventing that like somebody with a speech impediment was like oh my god they're limbo it's just like a just like slang for limber you know yeah he's limbo limbo comes from a bad slang for limber but one of those slang words where they're like what are you talking about kind of like fetch and mean girls were like stop trying to make limbo happen limbo no it's death for sure that's yeah that's definitely top of the that's probably the most

common one right latin limbus yeah it's for it means edge so anyways i'm reading an article that says limbo and limber are very very likely versions of the same word so look at that putting fucking numbers on the board i bet jason was reading that same article about an hour ago did you know the game limbo uh started in trinidad no i might have guessed i might have said tobago oh you know i Oh, you know I don't fuck with toboggans. Yeah. Trinidad is always stealing Tobago's stuff. I've been saying that for years.

Always, dude. Yeah. Always. I've been saying that for years. Tobago, keep on making it. Trinidad, keep on taking it. Keep on taking it. Oh, man.

David Boyd, time for your first pick it's an excuse oh oh man i do this when i show up late to places because like you ever you ever like okay i'm going and i don't want to go but i'm going but i'm goddamn well going on my time and you show up to like yeah i know you're getting where are you texts right when you call the lift yeah situation yeah uh i always go with couldn't find my keys oh that's good that's a good one yeah yeah that's so good it's like it's not an all-nighter it's not an all-nighter but you can knock off like an hour of that social engagement and people aren't gonna get me i don't get if someone's late uh and i'm gonna be and i'm at like an event that i know i'm gonna be out on that i just really want them there i don't really give a shit if they're late you know like if you if you're gonna be a couple hours late i'm like cool just as long as you're here when i'm feeling good that's fine so

if you need to shave those couple hours off lying about your keys i'm'm cool with it. And who among us hasn't lost our keys? That's why you're immediately putting that frame of mind. It just sucks. It sucks. It's the worst feeling. Have you ever lost your keys? Never once. Never lost my keys, my wallet.

Never even for a few hours? Never. Even when you were a latchkey kid? Okay. One time we were at the Hillsboro Skate Park and I put my keys in my shoe and I swear on a stack of Bibles that some little shit bag kid came and took them and just threw them into the field because they weren't there there's no way that i lost and that's the

only time it ever happened so you didn't lose your keys i didn't lose my keys dude someone you had your keys and then you didn't have them and you don't know how you're creating a phantom menace here sean this kid had diarrhea man it was everywhere i did not lose my keys maybe the jersey devil took your keys yeah maybe that's it this is up there with i don't know how i keep getting served fight videos yeah dude i keep getting served fight videos because you're talking about it so much that's how i keep getting served what do you mean you're out of chicken this is popeyes it was so funny because i'm i'm on their side i'm like it is popeyes you're not out of chicken

here's the thing if you ran out of the door if you ran out of chicken yeah lock it lock the door bars the door like i don't care what time it is you're finished for the day shut it down now yeah just moving biscuits close it down yeah you shouldn't you shouldn't open the door you shouldn't open the door if you had that little bit of chicken yeah so i guess i lost my keys once but yes it is a as a fan i didn't lose them some kids through them but i'll agree to disagree you lost you lost your keys keys you lost to lose my temper if they were your keys and you lost them listen i just watched which whiplash yesterday that's what happened you're gonna lose your temper it's okay gonna throw your temper into a field what's gonna happen right yeah i could have sworn you put

your temper in your shoes but you know you are in charge of it what shoes were you wearing if you had your shoes off with your shoes you have you have skate you have your skate shoes and your chillers when you show up to the park, you put your chillers on the side, put all your shit in them. This is before phones, like before smartphones. So I didn't have a phone.

So you just put your keys in your shoes. Never really had to worry about somebody lifting your keys. Cause what, you know, where do you put your keys now that you have a smartphone? I just skate with them in my pocket now and my phone. It sucked. It was a hard thing to get used to.

Oh, you learned your lesson. Yeah. One follow up question. One follow up question question on the day you lost your keys did you run afoul of a leprechaun no maybe one of the fairy folk who who are maybe looking to extract some revenge how big do each of you think a leprechaun is if you just had to you know big question like a like a foot and a half foot and a half maybe really that little i think that yeah i don't know how big that is six and six inches that's my sister-in-law thinks that like like eight inches or something yeah i always thought they were like leprechaun in the

hood yeah i do too yeah that's the size i'm thinking pretty little i'm thinking they're pretty little i thought like i think like sizable yeah i think the size of like a My Buddy doll at the very tiny. Like my wingspan. I'm thinking like a thicker, like almost like a Funko Pop figurine. Uh-huh. Yeah. But with like big thighs because they squat a lot. That's from like dead lifting buckets of gold. Yeah.

And carrying them into the spot. Like a broad back. Big leprechaun thighs. That'd be funny to act like that was a term. We're just like, dude, Jerome Bett back. Big leprechaun thighs. That'd be funny to act like that was a term where you're just like, dude, Jerome Bettis had those leprechaun thighs, man. It was crazy. Dude, I just think, when I think of leprechauns, I think big, big muscular

thighs, broad neck, vascular thighs. Like groundskeeper willy body. Rough hands, dude. Like rough hands. Oh, like the old man in the sea. Remember that book? How they described his hands?

Yeah. Hot, bald, but like in a hot Jason Statham way, dude. Like hot breath on your neck. He's got freckles, but he's one of those dudes with freckles who it makes them scarier. Yeah. When all leprechauns, they're all from from boston too so like they're you know they're kind of like kind of hard like that this this is the one i'm thinking of is from providence hold down providence

down providence way yeah couldn't find my keys is a great excuse david thank you it's time for my pick my first pick and my second as it is a serpentine draft i'm gonna you know let's say it's it's you know it's a we're having brunch three you are at brunch i'm supposed to be there it's like 50 it's it's like 10 minutes after we all agreed to meet you're seated you got your coffees maybe one of you has a mimosa group text lights up group text lights up and sean i'm sorry to take this i can't believe you didn't oh sorry the baby's being a nightmare i don't think i'm gonna make it see okay this goes back to me this goes to me picking weed you guys gave me so much shit for pick i was telling laura this

i was like one of them's gonna pick it and it's like me picking weed or boozy see why didn't you take it because i thought i could pick it later I thought you guys had enough integrity to be like, I don't have a kid. That excuse wouldn't work for you. You thought you could get it late. I should have been able to. Not the case. Not the case, my friend.

This is the weed. Just everybody listening. This is your weed and boozy pick. Don't hate the player. Hate the game, Sean. Tell that to those two. They gave me so much shit for picking weed and boozy. Put that on a and one t-shirt

i don't need to have birthed the child to know that having a baby at home is a perfect excuse because you can't say shit because you're an asshole it is if i have a baby you'll never see me that's right never well here this goes back to the karma thing though is i haven't used her for an excuse yet where carmel i was lying i haven't i feel bad doing that like i don't want to do it i will i will at some point but i haven't done it yet because i don't want to yet that's crazy because i've used your baby as an excuse i have to i've used your baby this morning as an they're universal vaccines got diarrhea i can't make it yeah i can't make brunch today i'm supposed to be in a pumpkin patch right now but i can't do i got maxine duty all day that's the diarrhea maxine duty yeah this is a baby gives you the the the rare opportunity to

still go do the thing but you can leave whenever you want you don't have you can yeah that's incredible whenever you want you can leave whenever you want that's what dating someone does too yeah a little i mean yeah but to an extent like you know nobody nobody can say that's you know i left elise's wedding and i mean i wasn't lying but i was like i gotta get home like i have to be there i've left her hanging already robert bear blaylock hasn't been on time to a family event my brother in nine years and it's just kids the whole time i love it i mean it's crazy because you don't if you're getting like you're getting in the car and all of a sudden you're like oh shit she has to eat and then it's like minimum half hour like you have to go because if she doesn't eat she'll

flip the fuck out wherever you end up being so it's you know you just have to go back in and you're like all right and it it's a bummer because it's an excuse and it has stopped me from doing things i didn't want to have an excuse to not do things i wanted to do where it's like i ask you sean i know this is a weird time uh how's that breast pump working out good good we uh i got it delivered when he was at my house oh really he doesn't explain it though what did you say i said i said rude i go is it what did i say i was like is it cool if a buddy stops by rude boy is gonna deliver a breast pump or something like that david's like what you've been putting it on your butt chuck pollock style right yeah dude i will never have diarrhea again it's all gonna get breast pumped out oh i hate that

i do not like that it was like what'd you say you're like i'm sure that's cool but what are you talking about yeah i was just like you have to explain it yeah man so i had to show up to the airport with like a medical grade breast pump and then rude rude goes he's like people steal these a lot so if anyone accuses you of stealing it uh you can look up the serial number online i was like well i'm traveling with like potentially a hot breast pump like that's that's pretty buck what makes it medical grade like as opposed to like consumer grade i was wondering so wondering. So I guess it just makes it quicker. So when you, breast pumping takes a long time and it wears, you know, it's tough on the person

who has to do it because it's like every three hours, it ultimately ends up being a lot of your time. So I think this one shaves off like 15 minutes of the amount of time you pump. So it's, you know, you only end up, you pump like half the time, which is worth it in the scheme of it. And is it more suck or is it just like automated or what is the thing i just think it's it's it's just danker like it just does everything a little more efficient than

than uh this is a youtube i've never been on oh no don't say it out loud. Don't say it out loud. My algorithm's been fucked, dude. Come on, man. You know what I look at? You know how many kangaroos having sex is fucking in my shit? You know what this hell is like? Also, apparently you can still show boobs on YouTube.

Yeah, you boob. You're on boob tube. If it's medical grade. This is not. Oh, man. It's so difficult to be a woman. Yes. Ultimately, it's a feminist message that we're putting out today.

That's right. I have a young kid at home. Perfect excuse. I can't wait to use it. It's off the board. Sorry, Sean Jordan. This is crazy! David, get out of there. Are you watching eyes are gonna close man you're not gonna be able to open them for like a week nuts have you seen it go down sean yes it's like when your iphone gets too hot and it shuts off for a while that's what's gonna happen to you if you keep watching those videos is this a situation

where like liquid coming out of a gland is not great? It's not like a good feeling? There it is. I wonder, I feel like it would be. But it's a pressure relief thing. That's what I was going to say. I go back to like. Yeah. I feel like it would feel good to get.

Get it out. To get that milk out. Some women have to pump and they just toss it or they donate the milk because like some women have an excess buildup. So you have to get it out. Otherwise it hurts. Can you? I, I, I feel like I heard you to get it out otherwise it hurts can you i i i feel

like i heard you can sell it yeah yeah you can you can sell your breast milk oh because the lula row thing a lot of women were selling their breast milk to get the startup money to invest in the row well that's how i mean back in the day that because like if somebody can't breastfeed for whatever reason that's you know like that's it's all well that's like what a wet nurse is right yeah yeah wait do we still do that do they still do wet nurses is that still a thing we know as a society are we still doing wet nurses i don't know i think if you're wealthy you could get a wet nurse i don't know if you have them breastfeed your baby for real but i i don't i don't know that you put your baby on another woman's i feel like rich people don't put their kid on the tit right no you just pump i think and give

you bottle feed your kid like there are benefits obviously to breastfeeding but i don't know that the mother i'm just guessing but i don't know that the mother wants those benefits passed to an you know what i mean i don't think they care if it's not for them if we if you had told me what the first time we were on this podcast four years ago that this is where it was going i was about to say yeah i was about to say i always knew we would talk about breastfeeding on this podcast but i didn't know that it would be this earnest and i had no idea it would be for this long. It's been a while. Yeah. My second pick is going to be... It's been solid gold for the last

year and a half. I think it's going to be solid gold for the next year and a half. I'm taking... I may have been exposed to someone who had the COVID-19 virus. And that one, that's good because you don't, you can just be being safe,

and I can justify it in my mind being like, maybe someone had it that was at the gas station. I don't know. Maybe. Yeah, somebody might have. Chances are they did. Yeah. Oftentimes, I mean, I haven't really used this one,

but oh my God, if you had to, if you had to get out of something, because it's ironclad. You got to get out of work. Fucking pull it out. I have had to i i have been exposed to the covid to the novel coronavirus covid 19 and then i did end up developing a a positive case a breakthrough case i'm totally vaccinated i had a breakthrough case of the novel coronavirus covid 19 and i informed people i'd been around and it was immediate.

We got it. Feel better. Take care of yourself. We understand. Yeah. Yeah. My very engagement party was one of those events. And you said the nicest flowers. I wish I,

I'm still so saddened that I could not be there, but I was exposed and had developed a case of the novel coronavirus COVID-19. Yeah. And I was fighting through that at that time yeah yeah of course and you know what no follow-up questions only well wishes that's right yeah that's i wonder how many people are getting because i've got a few of them from homies where they're like hey man you know i got it sorry and i wonder how many people have been like the fuck bro like you know i haven't gotten mad at anyone i've just been like cool feel better let me know if i can help a bunch of beefians got it after sam's uh pre my friend sam talent just dropped his special and he had a screening at the alamo draft house where a bunch

of ding dongs we went to high school with were in the parking like dude i'm not getting that shot it's freaking gay you're like as soon as you hear someone say it like that you're like well you're you're getting it it's gonna happen you're gonna get it you idiot death comes ripping yeah absolutely no that's that's obviously people from elizabeth betheans yeah amazing i love that i call people from sioux falls wayward you guys have a name for you guys don't you call yourself like the scuzz rats or something the sioux fallen ones the jizz monsters you guys got something jizz monsters anybody calling themselves the biscuits right yeah dropped a new song today

they did Fred Burst Fred Burst and the biscuits you have something that you call each other I don't think so what's your group text called the dirt chickens

twin city what's your crew called that your skate video was called tough customers tough customers yeah yeah for days

playboy out there in the streets what are people from Sioux Falls called in real life, though? I don't think there's not. You mean like Los Angelinos and Phoenicians and shit like that? Yeah. Or Portlanders.

Did you say Venetians? Phoenicians. Phoenicians. Or Phoenix. I don't think. I thought you meant Venice. I was like, what a crazy two-fitting thing to say. Sioux Fallsians.

I don't know. I've never heard anybody say it. Sioux Fallsians? If you don't know, nobody knows. For sure. Maybe it's Sioux Empire. anybody say it. Sioux Fallsians? If you don't know, nobody knows. For sure. Maybe it's Sioux Empire. They call it the Sioux Empire, so maybe it's like... I feel like anything you

call people from Sioux Falls is going to be so closely stepping on what a native person should be called from that land and to call all of us would be crazy. Like if you just like the Sioux or something. You know what I mean? Why start caring now? You've already stolen everything from them and now all of a sudden you're worried about this. be crazy like if you just like the sue or something you know why start carrying a now it's you've already stolen everything from them and now all of a sudden you're worried about this

this is the i mean this is a societal problem this is a societal problem i don't know what they're called i don't know what sue sue falls the end sue falls it's shot at the saint sue carmel that's what they're called yeah david bory time for your second pick uh my second pick oh i've done this just like i'm better about it now as i learned to prioritize my time better but for years it would i would just be like i can't deal with that i'm not even in town oh not in town not in town is like a great i What? Rent? I'm not. Do you get busted? I'm in Detroit. That is the thing.

If it's not legit, you have to go to ground and you have to be very careful about where you're at. Oh, nobody knows exactly when you come in and out. When you're on the road. No, seriously. For years, for years, I've been on the road enough that like, you don't know. You saw that I was in fucking Cedar Rapids last week. You don't know when I'm in town or not in town. It's one of the best things about the life I've built for myself.

The transient nature of our lifestyles does make this an easy one to sell. Yeah, for sure. When would you ever be surprised if I'm like, oh, shit, I'm not in town right now? Never. I didn't know you moved until you'd moved exactly dog yeah and are you sure that i moved no i am fully prepared to see you outside a proof bakery any given morning exactly dog at porto's posted posted up you and you You and three old Cuban guys playing some fucking like Mahjong-esque game that I've never heard of before. Oh, yeah. I find myself in weird spots playing different games all the time.

I was in that bookstore shooting dice three weeks ago. Yeah, true. I took a video of that. I thought that was so fascinating. Yeah. You see? You see, guys? Anything could happen.

What were you playing what was the game uh we were we only had three so we were just playing lows and then some 1 4 24 no one wanted to play silo but he was getting his money took so i was picking the game i know what all those words i mean i know what every single one of them means i know what all that means i'm out of town i'm not in town not in town especially for like a party you didn't want to go to or something here's the other here's the other thing there's like a there's some cushion on it too because you don't ask actually have to specifically be out of town you can say i'm going out of town too yeah so there's like some there's

some flexibility there you can say i'm going out of town you know i need to prepare for that and so i can't come yeah uh and also like that'll give you depending on what your life is like that'll even give you a day you know if you're like i'm leaving i'm leaving tomorrow and they're like cool last day in town you don't want to spend i get it and it is reasonable yeah like i don't want to do shit the night before i leave yeah of course ever yeah ever i'm one of those i like i'm packed i'm i'm like i'm one of those like yeah i'm packed the night before like i i shut it all down right i've gone so far as to if i can it's harder with maxine but i bookend my trip so i have an extra day like in denver i gave myself an extra day so i could

take a night in denver and not do anything like when we just came over and chilled with you i didn't want to go out or see anyone or do anything so i was like even when i'm coming home i give that excuse so i can tell people like nah tonight's my chill night yeah like even out of town i totally that's just uh you know that's it's just it's my favorite one you know because i'm all about people not calling me on you know what i mean has that ever happened have you ever had somebody be like david did i just see you walking down the street yeah it happened the other day with my friend taylor but it's because i missed my flight i missed my flight to tucson and i she had wanted to hang out that night and then i was like oh no

i'm going to tucson she's like okay see you later and then i went to the 7-eleven by my house and her and her boyfriend pulled up and they were like i thought you were in tucson and i had to be like listen funny story yeah that so i always mess up the details of this but it's something this is this is fairly accurate but our buddy told us some crazy thing like he was managing a restaurant in the virgin islands or some shit something something crazy that's a great excuse don't you're saying pics all right so then then uh our buddy saw him walking through the Burger King drive-thru later that day. You're just like, you told us you were doing something that crazy, and then here you are walking through the drive-thru.

It's like you have no, you're not even in a car. You're not even kind of trying to hide it that you are not in the Virgin Islands. You are definitely out. You're fully, if you're walking through the drive drive through you are where you're at yeah you are there you are at that fucking place like if i told somebody i was managing a restaurant in the virgin islands i would at least be in my car at the drive-thru at the burger king that we all went to a lot you know it's like don't be walking through it dude i love it i'm out of town amazing excuse jason time for your second pick wow i'm gonna uh this is a little this is a newer addition to the excuses canon but i think it's a very useful one uh it went into my spam folder it went into my

spam oh that's the that's about the only like technological one that works yeah yeah because it because it does sometimes sometimes it goes in the spam folder and it does go into the spam folder sometime indeed it does yeah i've had to go there i've missed yet yeah i i i had that happen recently where a promoter was like hey man we tried your agent what's the deal are you ducking us and then it went in my agent spam folder you see how that happens this sounds like this sounds like a code way to say like yeah he accidentally put it in my butt like whoa spam folder watch out it was a gland blast it It was a gland release. You'll go into situations now where people will preempt

it if they're, hey, I'm sending you this. Check your spam folder if you don't see it. It's a bummer that they figured that out. But if you don't get that, it works. I check my spam but like honestly though do you check your spam regularly just to make sure hell no i just checked my spam while

we were doing i check mine like once a week i get too much there's too much fucking heat in my regular inbox for me to ever go into my spam i if it's in there it's gone i'm sorry there's a darkness in my spam folder like a real like edge of society i don't want to know how this stuff is addressed to me the crazy yeah what have i been doing yeah like i don't go in there i do not go in there i get that mine's just a bunch of fights at arby's yeah it's really scary the parts of climate change that scientists are the most worried about are happening in my spam folder. Yes. What's your regular folder like? I've just been hearing about this lately.

Are any of you guys at inbox zero? Fuck no. What? Fuck no. Okay. I don't even want to say on air. Does that mean no emails in your inbox? Yeah.

Let me look right now. People do it. People clear it out like no new. I have 34,530 on it god damn i'm at i'm at 1600 oh eight i'm at 2266 on my work i'm at 3299 612 i also i also imagine that you get so many like just on writing for shit you get so many emails all my work every day all my work emails through my gmail which i now regret well then you can see now what i'm more focused on jason are the text messages david jesus cry me to you too and you too oh yeah 404

265 332 texts answer your text texts that ain't hard you also answer all you DMs you psycho I know you need to be less accessible Sean I mean when you're I don't know why not if someone takes the time as long as I can

as long as it is reasonable if somebody takes the time to send a message saying some well wishes or anything at all if i have the time and i can work it out i'm going to respond i i how often does that lead to you just text messaging with strangers like not a lot not a lot and if it does i generally just trail off like i'd not it's at it once a week and then i just trail off after like three messages well not texting, like DMing. Okay.

If it gets to be. But once you allow it, then it becomes like a texting. But then you just trail off. And I haven't had anybody press the issue, really. I've never had anybody be like, oh, what? Can't answer me now? I've never had that. You're big-timing me now.

Yeah. What do you got going on? If I'm like, if I'm, because having a baby, obviously I'm busy as shit, but not like, some of that busy is rocking her to sleep. And I'm sitting there for an hour trying to get her to go to sleep I can answer dms it's like you know anyway we're getting we're getting off the point I'll do it as long as I can within reason anyway you guys shouldn't answer your text messages he's a sweet boy I'm not gonna uh Sean Jordan time for your second and third picks uh I'm going physical again on my second one. I'm going to say I got a migraine, dude. Oh, shit.

Can't make it. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Can't make it, bro. That's a good one. I got a migraine. Because again, the physical ones, they're hard to argue with because you can't. I've never even had a migraine.

I don't think. Me either. But when someone says it and they describe what it's like where they're like, I just have to be in a dark room and have a fan slightly blowing on my feet. And you're like, ah, yeah, then you don't need to come out to Holman's. So hang out. You're fine. I dated a girl once who used to work at HeadGum.

Whitney Simon. Shout out to Whitney. You're not listening to this. But she always had a migraine. just people like every day conja was constantly in a migraine like the whole time and was like going through like she would get little treatments for it and stuff that would like make it better but that poor it's real dude it's like yeah fucks people up one time I had a migraine right before an All Fantasy Everything recording

and I only got migraines in LA but I like threw up like right before we were supposed to start recording. Wow. Got me that sick. Oh my god. You didn't even tell us? No no I did tell you. I think I stood outside for that recording. I was like I can't be No I told you and you just said

well Gary we gotta make a podcast. Deal with it yeah i was like you puked good which which recording was that i really don't remember it was oh it was like years ago way back at head gum but oh okay david you said oh yeah i have a thigh grain and then you did some fucking that is exactly what i would say a thigh grain headache dude like those leprechauns man they got thigh grain headaches i'll tell you what big thigh flexed your thigh dude you pointed to it like fucking macho man randy savage oh he just did the pod dude hit him with the teardrop is that the one it is even if it isn't the thigh grain a migraine is good i even i think my dad used to have migraines and then i found out that migraines run in like in for jews they're a lot more common and when i heard

that even at the age of like 11 i was like right in the back pocket i'm gonna use that for sure there it goes i'm using that for sure. And I have. I've used it. I've also never really had a migraine. Unless I've canceled on you with a migraine. And then I've had it once. What is the difference between a headache and a migraine? Like what makes it, elevates it to a migraine? I think about this a lot with pain.

Because like my foot, my knees and my feet hurt all the time they just all the time it's constant pain but it's foot grain foot grain and knee grain dude i got a knee grain i love gripping that wood grain i i don't know that there is like defined right don't you see like flashes of light on a migraine because i have trouble because i've had sensitivity i think is one of them right And there's like a halo in your vision. Marissa, what do they feel like? So for me, I would see auras. So like I would get a warning maybe like 20 minutes before where I would just see like a just like flashes in my eye.

And yeah, that would be like a warning that 20 minutes from now I'd get a really bad migraine. And then, yeah, you just have to be in a very quiet place, a quiet, dark place for like hours. Like a live AFV. I could not have been in that recording with a migraine. That's for sure. What, a live AFV? Yeah, like once you have a migraine, you can't do anything else. It is a great excuse for sure.

Yeah, that's what I've heard. I don't know. You also have to make sure you don't do it you can't go be posting on twitter you can't be looking at people's instagram stories that's the thing with a lot of excuses like you have to that's got to be nice though right i mean i do that sometimes i just i'll just like space out anyways and just be in a room, a dark room, not doing anything. As a person who has been, who works in a, you know,

different, a kind of job that has a lot of deadlines. I know for a fact that there have been, I've, I've heard gripes where it's like, oh, so-and-so is on deadline. And I see them commenting on Instagram posts.

Like, you know, that kind of thing. You have to be careful with that yeah yeah geez you can't be asking for you can't even be watching stories because people check who watched their story they'll see it there's a thing about stories i watch them all because i'm not even like i'm clicking through stories not even straight up looking at my phone a lot of times same and i feel like sometimes people are like wow david watches all my stories and it's like no i just get anxious about

new like having to flip through everything i don't really know what anybody's i don't care about doing this like you're you know you'll you'll hit like a link and then all of a sudden like i'm watching someone's story who I don't know. Just like two Russian dudes. And if they have 300 followers or whatever, they're going to see that I watched this, and they're going to wonder why I was watching it. It's weird, because people link stories, and then

it's interesting. It's sort of voyeuristic. Did you hear me out? It seems voyeuristic. What's up, dude? That book is showing on you. Out here, dude. Words, dog. Words, bro.

Yeah. Words, though, dude. Now this, is it me? Is it three? Yeah, diarrhea migraine. What's your third pick? Diarrhea migraine. Got to change that Spotify artist account, boy.

This is tough. I am going to go with. All right, I'm going to go with... All right, I'm going to go with I'm trying not to drink right now. Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. So why can't you come to my sister's recital? It's kind of specific.

It's kind of specific. But for the stuff that I end up doing and the stuff that I want to not be going to you can just say drinking usually works well like you know someone's like well just come meet me you know just come out and hang for a bit and you're like i'll just try i don't want to be around it you know try not to drink right now i will say like particularly that is one that um i feel like the the circles that i run and people really respect that one when they hear that yeah yeah and you know if you've done if people have been around when maybe you've been a little too buck

like i have right then they're like cool do do do that you know so also because california is like everybody's sobers yeah and it's like it's not i mean you're in portland but that's one that i never feel bad about it's like i am constantly trying that like that that's something happening all the time so it's like i'm just trying to chill out and then you know for the most part people are cool about it and you know every now and again someone will be like just come anyone who you're springing that on has needed to dry out from time to time you're not like putting that on you're not calling your aunt with that that's a good that's a better way to say it like i'm just trying to dry out for a second. But it works.

It's non-invasive. It's taken all the blame. No one else's. It's me. I'm taking the heat. I'm not no one else involved. There's the implication. I'm working on myself.

I'm trying to better myself. And if you're going to give me any kind of like static about that then why aren't you supporting me they're getting better as a and a lot of these excuses i have not had friends like that before like come on you was come on it's your 34th birthday all right it's okay if i miss it it's like a lot of these exposing some vulnerability helps because that's again with this you're like you're exposing something about yourself. You're opening up a little bit. And if someone attacks that, then you're like, well, take a long walk off a short pier, bucko.

That's what I'm saying. I'll say that and still not drink. Yes. Sorry, guys. My new fridge is coming on the 5th. Wow. Hell yeah. No, I haven't

I haven't had a fridge for like 6 days it's been really shitty what are you doing to keep your produce cold I don't have any produce Jason you keep all your meat in the creek right well yeah everybody knows about that

that's how I keep my cold ones cold no I have been eating like takeout and shit. It's really, really shitty. It's super sucked. You lost your old fridge in a game of chance, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was, uh, I was playing high stakes bocce in the park and I got caught up. Damn. I just had my fridge in a flatbed at the park. Yeah. No, it's not just me saying that, Giuseppe. It's me and my fridge and everything in it. All right?

No, let's fucking botch it. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were going to play for pink. Yeah. Are we being serious about this or not? Yeah, is this not wash parts? It's a two-door with a separate freezer option. It makes the ice cubes.

It has the water that come out. I'm serious about this. I changed the filter last weekend, Giuseppe. Listen, listen, listen. You don't want to play for real? I got six Armenian dudes at City Park willing to give me this at cost. When did you see the size of my fucking crisper, Giuseppe? Yeah.

Never heard anyone but my mom call it crisper. I like that. I got turkey in that shit. It says crisper on the drawer though yeah i've never everybody calls it like a veggie drawer or whatever i've never heard of crisper except for my mom dude if this one if my new fridge has the ice and the water in it because my landlord is doing it not me i'm gonna shit my pants that's a big it's a game changer it's a game i've never had it at home i've never had it in a home i never have because my my last fucking house i had to buy a fridge because california sucks oh yeah that's the worst such a crazy thing about california you gotta buy your own fridge

that's a fucking scam when you for people that don't understand that about about la there are certain apartments that you can that you can at that you end up renting that have no appliances. A lot from what I've gathered. I'd never heard of it. And then people are like, yeah, to bring the fridge. It just blows my mind to think about in Sioux Falls. If

there wasn't a fridge, we'd just be like, alright, obviously you're lying and this isn't your place and somebody is in the process of moving in or out. I couldn't fathom it till i got to la the wild thing i had to take the doors off the house at the fortress is all dudes to get the fridge out after i volunteered to leave it and they were like no you have to bring it with you they said you had to take it they had to take the doors off so they could throw it away and when i bought my house when i bought my house, it came with a fridge.

I don't get this fucking country. It's a scam. It's an absolute fucking scam. It's a scam. Okay. So, oh, and you had to pay for that, huh? Did you move in with it? Was that fridge there when you moved in?

No, but I volunteered to leave it and it worked most of the time. Yeah, it did work. We fixed it. She sucks, man. Whatever. Try not to drink right now. Yeah, it did work. We fixed it. She sucks, man. Whatever. Try not to drink right now. Jason, time for your third pick. My third pick, I'm going to keep it technological.

No internet. I don't have internet. I don't have internet there. I'm going to this place. No internet. No Wi-Fi. Wait. It's going to be tough.

Oh, I get it. Are you saying your phone doesn't even get it like are you saying no signal like your phone like i'm going to the mountains i'm not sure what the internet situation is going to be there if there's going to be wi-fi and it's very rural i you know i don't know if i'm going to be able to attend that zoom i fucking love that for real yeah for sure like if you're in a hotel if you're on hotel wi-fi that's like you know it's it's you're at a you're a passenger you're on hotel Wi-Fi, that's like, you know, you're a passenger. You're a victim to hate at that point. You don't know what the situation is.

Yeah. I didn't want to commit to this. I've had so many bad hotel Wi-Fi situations, especially with doing voiceover for Comedy Central. Like, oh, man. Yeah, hotel Wi-Fi is not reasonable. And then you'll get to those places where it yeah like oh man yeah hotel wi-fi is not reasonable and then you'll get to those places where it's like they there's the regular wi-fi like you're a guest fine here's the regular wi-fi but hey if you want 10 bucks 10 bucks more every 12 hours or whatever it is you can you can pay a little bit more and get the actual wi-fi

that works and that's such a bullshit situation i've never done that does it work like is it better yeah it is for sure i've never done that you've never had a porn buffer yeah no but i've never bought like internet at the internet at the hotel i've never no i've said you've never been on the cheap internet had porn buffer and then like horny spent 12 bucks to get it to work no i'll pause it take take a breather for like 20 minutes and then take a walk around the block now with phones i mean i get unlimited you know so i just you know why do that i do that weird hold your phone it's getting us porn i used to make fun of david for doing that now i do it do what to hold your phone with one hand and

then you know glant get glandular with the other one i find it decadent to jerk off to full-size images that's how i let myself it's like a vacation that's how i let my yeah i really pamper myself i'm gonna go full screen on it dude i i don't like watching porn. I mean, I guess this was going to come up at some time. I think watching pornography on television is like It's weird. It's so pornographic. Yeah, that weirds me out. Yeah, it's really

dirty. It's really dirty. Not when porn was new. I remember when porn was new. When it was like, when you could watch it on TV, when you could watch it on TV, when you could get the porn channel where my buddy had it, and every now and again, it would just be on in the living room, and I'd be like, hey, this is crazy, dude.

I hate that. It's crazy to do it now because it's like, you know, through AirPlay, like, what are you, Chromecasting it to the TV? It feels wrong. It feels bad. Wait, here's a question. I don't like it laptop size. I'm dying to ask you guys this. If you're the president of the United States,

can you watch porn? I mean, somebody's going to know. Because it's going to get logged, right? Somewhere. It goes in the archives. That's historical. somebody's gonna know because it's gonna it's gonna get logged right somewhere like it goes in the archives like that's historical that's going to the library of fucking congress that you like went private browsing and watched two hours of bang bus right that's yeah you think they were freaking out you think they were freaking out when obama wore the tan suit yeah

like can you do it like obviously trump probably did it but nobody he it doesn't matter like that's like there were so many other things that he was doing that it didn't even matter that's why he did all the other stuff that's why he did all the others all the other shit was him visiting like sears.com like after you go to a porn site on a computer you don't know how to clear we just try to move it far enough down the fucking clear browser that's why he did all that shit that makes sense because these are old guys it's not crazy to think that they can't navigate the internet well i like to think joe biden's on an ipad trying to log into like a conference center's wi-fi that the white white house barely gets is this weird to say i think that joe biden is too old to pound off he might he might be he might

i wonder i don't think he does do you ever stop caring like you know your sex drive goes away pretty much completely at some point do you ever like are you ever just like yeah i'm good maybe yours does mine mine will never leave i wonder i don't know i got i think i got pretty low t i think i always have but it's there you know i'm serious i think joe biden's jizzed since since winning the election but maybe not since moving into the white house yeah i think that's fair i mean you got it the night the night that you win the presidency of america yeah you have to get super you're getting top you're getting top yeah you're getting top yeah yeah presidential top yeah presidential

top he had that thing between popsicle sticks and twine if he had to and it went down it's just like he's trying to grow a marijuana clone he's just screaming you think like is it safe from the from the west wing and the private residents on either your phone or a laptop or what have you an ipad can you would can you feel safe as the president of the united states i'm looking at pornography i wouldn't i'd have to i'd have to go i'd have to go to the burger king down the street like in that movie king ralph you know sometimes i'll use god's internet called my memory and i'll just pound off you have to go into the bank we've all done that i think an a i think i think like a white house aide shows up with an attache case full of swank

magazine that's what i think it's like how with that guy with the gun yeah in a briefcase chopping back full of swank here it is sir Mr. Biden his whole family's done it my whole family is swanked for presidents my great grandfather swanked for Lincoln

that's what we do in our family Daniel's the porn jockey dude yeah Mr. Biden your material the president's daily brief is here my great great great grandfather showed Franklin Pierce a rival

drawing of a woman with a skirt over her waist my great great great grandfather showed Lincoln a wood. Of a woman with a skirt over her waist. My great, great, great grandfather showed Lincoln a woodcut of a woman's ankle. And he was tall, so he loved a lot of ankle. He loved it.

Big ankle man. You want to see a gland blast. A scrimshaw of a woman with her hair down. Yeah. Lincoln looking at a raw ankle that was that was a plan blast for you david time for your third pick uh oh man this is one a lot of these from were more for me trying to get out of stand-up years ago just because you know you would just go so hard and then none of your friends respected

that you would just need like a night off sometimes yeah so this one uh i'm just gonna stay in it right oh i love it you remember that lie i do remember that that's a good one it is a great one about that is is it makes me feel bad like am i not working hard enough exactly working david is chasing the midnight oil like he is stealing a march on all of us am i not working hard enough exactly working david is chasing the midnight oil like he is stealing a march on all of us am i not is that the reason why i'm where i'm at he's so committed yeah he's gonna take a night off to recommit i got too much sizzle not enough fajita david's in there fucking cutting up the meat exactly i got it right tonight i got it right tonight when really it was just you know

you wanted to masturbate without seven other dudes in the house yeah that's one that i've used i've used the right one with fully intending to do that and then not done it and felt bad because i'm like oh you lied now that's not even my process for writing stand i mean now i always have stuff that i gotta write to catch up on but that's not even my process for writing stand-up. I mean, now I always have stuff that I got to write to catch up on, but that's not even my process for writing stand-up. I've never been like a... Okay, this woman is just... I wish that you guys could see. These Iowa women are wearing crazy...

Can you hold on? I'm trying. Do you see that yellow? Yeah, kind of. That's crazy, right? God, you are an Iowa dude. Maybe she's a hawkeye dude maybe she's an iowa hawkeye yeah they probably played but yeah i got it right tonight yeah yeah

i'm gonna stand and write yeah it works it works in la too all the time oh yeah that's a great one it's a great one la you barely need an excuse to not go somewhere in la that's true that's something that i found out in la like town yeah when i would come visit i would i would always you know like i'd come down i'd be like what do you mean you'd come hang out and then you're there for a week and you're like oh i'm never gonna pressure someone into hanging out ever again everything is such an ordeal so yeah that that could be an excuse in itself like people or is everybody just secretly depressed and wants to stay in the house it might be that too i i will say that i mean it's 50 50 i'm not it's 50 50 one of the things i i consider the people that i consider close friends are the people that i if they flake on a thing i'll never bring it up like that's fine yeah you did that you

needed it and that's fine like it's a no no skin off my nose if you flake on something. It also just becomes in LA. It just becomes that currency. It just that happens. It happens. Something comes up, a call, something. Who knows? It would be like, you know, we'd be at the Virgil or something like is Kyle come is like,

ah, maybe said he was. But who knows? Something like that. Not just anyone where you're like, if they're if they show up they show up what i learned later on in my la time was i learned to like stop making the fake plans yeah you know what i mean so like like it's just you make the play like if i see like jason or something and i want to see him we can talk but like like for the most part it would just be like we should catch up yeah we should and then you know you go to the bar yeah we're like i'm not hanging out with you

man somebody said that to me this guy ryan who i don't know if he listens to the podcast or not anymore i think he used to but ryan he's a firefighter he lives in portland i won't blow up your spot any more than that i ran into him at my sister's wedding and i said oh man you gotta you gotta let me know if you guys are ever down in la so you can come see the show and he was like i'm not gonna do that and i was like yes yeah and i don't want to fucking figure out how to get you ticket this is amazing thank fucking god it was so refreshing it was so refreshing that being said ryan if you are listening and you do want to come i'm serious over the invitation he's a fucking rat he's a rat dude but like it was so refreshing

to just have someone be like nah and i was like oh amazing right you have to have realistic expectations if somebody offers that up like if we didn't know each other and you and you said that i should need to be ready to go to la and have you not be able to do it or what or something I should be ready for that to not happen you know like if I go there I'm like hey can we get tickets and you're like oh I can't do it today I should be perfectly fine with being like that's totally cool we had other you know good backup plans or whatever you can't expect small talk to turn into reality all the time yeah you know what I mean also i just always assume i'm like people got lives man it's so true speaking of la excuses time for my third pick and one of the nice things about having a job that nobody really understands is saying i gotta i gotta work late oh i can't

oh i can't make i've gotten out of i've the problem is like i've gotten out of stand-up shows that i didn't want to do with this and i've really had to bail on stand-up shows i wanted to do with this yeah but like where i'm working and then somebody like can't do the edit and then it's like okay i'm gonna be here till nine all of a sudden or a sketch blows up at the 11th hour and then you gotta stand and write a whole new one people don't really understand so if i say i just gotta work late can't i i cannot i can't not stay here's an extension of that like if you okay let's say you had to work much harder than you thought you were going to have to work that day but it was still like a normal work day

i would call the extra couple hours after you're off kind of still working where you need to decompress for sure so technically you might not be like writing or at work or whatever but it's still work in your system needing to go away before you can go do anything you know i think we all i think we all kind of understand that on on you know what i mean like there's no nine to five in this business there's no like yeah like some days you will really be i really have days sometimes where i wake up take a shower and then it's just different acts of business until I go to bed. Like, that just happens sometimes.

And I think we all fundamentally understand that about each other. And it'd be nice if we just, like, had that where it's like, hey, today fucking sucked. And they're like, all right, say no more. Say no more. Yeah. I think the hard thing about LA, and not us in this room, but a lot of times there's a lot of people pretending that they're working a lot that is true you know what i mean so it's like we're all talking truth right now but there's like i've seen it with people sometimes where you're like are you just telling me you're busy to tell me

you're busy i for sure people are doing that which is weird my fourth pick is the opposite of one of sean's picks i'm going to take i'm too hung over to make it i'm sorry cards on the table i'm not gonna be able to yeah that's a great one i that's a great i always respect that one too yeah when somebody's just like hey man i went too hard last night yeah i was going hard in the paint hard in the. You have to acknowledge that you yourself have been there. Yes. And when that's going on for real, going somewhere, going to get food for yourself to live sounds like a bummer. So going to a bar where you don't want to be or a a stranger's house like all the steps to get there

sound like the worst especially you're just in the hotel there's a kind of hot you've never felt before yeah it's just hell yeah like shaky guts i'm sweating yeah i don't want to be sweating at all i wasn't sweating in the hotel i'll tell you that i'm sweating and cold yeah yeah those it and it's tough again because like i've definitely gotten internally miffed at people for doing that, but then it's like, that goes away in a minute, because you're like, what, it's life. Why don't you say something to me, Sean? Why don't you just say that?

Yeah. Do we not have that relationship where you can just be like, hey. It's not my place to say that. And that wasn't you, and I know you're kidding, but when I get mad at someone, I'm like, stop it. What do you, stop it. You've definitely done done that you've been in those shoes so don't be upset and just get over it yeah because i like i'm also rarely upset at people canceling plans to be honest never yeah i know that's the secret we're all thrilled yeah yeah i'm not yeah like

i'm i'm rarely like it's it's very i, if it's, like, sometimes if it's, like, somebody you thought you were close with and you didn't get to see for, like, they're in town for a limited period or something, maybe. Yeah. But even then, for the most part, it's just, like, I travel enough, too, that I know that, like, sometimes you're in town and you just can't tell anybody because you're in town for 10 hours. Yeah, that's the thing. You know what I mean? Because you'll get, you'll be, like, hey, what are you doing what are you doing what are you and you get like five different yeah yeah yeah yeah and it opens it up when you're like i couldn't really do it yeah yeah hungover bro david time for your fourth pick uh this one i haven't

thank god i have not had to use this one in a few years, but this was an old, uh, an old classic. I know. I get it. I know. Yeah. I straight up don't have any money. Uh huh.

Yeah. Like zero. I have no money. I have no money. Like in San Francisco, I would be like, dog, I have no money for the bar. I can't even get to Oakland, let alone worried about coming back. I just have that it is a great one i've been there like that's many many a dinner or a lunch or whatever i just

said like straight up i can't afford it i can't do it i'm not gonna go and be an asshole who doesn't have any money i can't i can't i had to swallow that a couple times and i think of one specifically we all in we went out and out, and I probably had 10 bucks. And it was me, you, Bronger, Sean, and Kyle. What's his last name? What am I? A name, dude. No, no, no, no.

Anyway. Shit. I can't remember his name. Anyway, we all went to- We went to that steak place? Yeah, and I did. Oh, you got the ham- I was there.

No, different one. Yeah, I think- When you got the hamburger steak? Nope. Yeah. And I did. I was like, I was there. No, different one. Yeah. I think so. When you got the hamburger steak. Nope. Nope. No, no. This is different.

We went to the cannibal in Culver city. I couldn't even, I couldn't even help with like the lift. I, cause somebody was like, well, you throw it on the lift. I go, I can't, it just can't happen. Yeah. I can come. Uh, it was, but it's, it's tough. And when you're, when you're that broke, no one's're when you're that broke no one's calling you on it

like no one is calling you on it oh nobody's gonna be mad yeah also to be fair i don't think i have used that one a lot of times that it wasn't pretty real well because it's tough to use i don't want to say that if i'm lying no one also back when i was also back when i was super broke if i had some money that shit was getting spent i got some money i'm not gonna be in the house i'm on the streets with no dough dude like god i love hitting the streets with like 50 bucks i feel like anything could happen yeah 50 bucks feels like more money than fucking than 5 000 bucks sometimes yeah oh yeah for your psyche for your mind yeah so like i will say that at a certain point that 50 bucks would feel better than 5 000 would feel right now if that makes

sense oh 100 i've had the situations where you're like oh i'm negative i'm negative 15 for sure i won't even look i'm so anxious about it like i'm not even gonna look and then i look and there's like 53 and then i'm like yo it's christmas we're fucking like we're going off right now mcchickens for me and all my friends let's go yep yeah man that no money one though that's like and now when i see people now that like if i'm ever with somebody i try to like preempt it now like if i know that that's where it's going and just like on the low like people used to do to me ian's done that to me before just on the low like hey man you're good i got it come on you gotta do that because it's it is tough to admit some especially in a crowd and maybe there's people you don't know in that because it's, it is tough to admit some, especially in a crowd.

And maybe there's people you don't know in the group. It's hard. Yeah. Or that's like how the night went. Like you didn't plan on it. Like, right. I had resources for us to go to this one bar.

Yeah. And it escalated. Yeah. Yeah. Now we're at a Korean barbecue place at 2 a.m. Yeah. Yeah. I planned on like forties on the porch and i'm gonna get like the way

sometimes like the way that you know like i've i've had this happen where i'm out with people and i'll order the most like the cheapest thing on the menu but then the breakdown turns into let's just split it six ways you know yeah and you're like now you're just like in your head pissed at everybody yeah now you're just really jessica yeah you had six fucking margaritas would you say yeah like why did you think i just i've fucking ordered the dipping sauce why did you think i did that i'm fucking over here sipping catalina dressing. You got a steak? You barely picked over appetizers that nobody, you got two orders of chicken wings, nobody even ate the first order. Yeah.

Oh, God. Yeah, when you know you got to split it and someone's like, let's just get all the, let's get like four apps. And you're like, or, or, or let's not. Yeah. Look at fucking Mr. Monopoly man over here. Four fucking apps. Let's have one wing of peace.

Fucking monocle falling out of his eyeball yeah i'm fucking i gotta tap in my four i gotta tap into my pension to get this fucking dinner for you yeah and that in that universe i have a pension yeah that's a good one that's a really good one uh jason time for your fourth pick um this is a little bit targeted it's a little narrow focused but I think it's a good one my ex slash someone I don't like is going to be there oh yeah

the beef I don't want that beef around my barbecue you stay home they don't want that people don't want to get involved in that maybe they didn't know but it's like no i think my my ex is going to be there so i can't oh you even said it like that made me hurt when you said it right there i just don't i like that you don't you traveled the the same circles as your exes i scorched the earth burn to burn the bridge destroy the landmass and that's's it. Where the fuck do I go? You're coming to Malloy's house? Fuck no, you're not. God damn it.

You're for yard baths? Yeah. For yard baths? That's a great one. That is a real good one. I guess I've rolled up to the same place. Plenty of times. You've used that to get out?

Plenty. I've used it for real where I was like, I don't want to be there because it will go down. If I see who this person's with, it really doesn't matter who it is. It's going to go down. So I just don't want to be around it because I'll get upset. It doesn't matter. I've used it for years. That's some Sioux Falls business.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I used it for years where I was like can't do it you don't want me there nobody wants me there in the mood in the mood that i will be in in the mood that i will be in if this goes the right way nobody wants me around so have you ever had a situation where you tried to suck it up and then it did like were you ever like you know what i'm gonna try to just go i can and then you just ended up acting out never it never it never went down but multiple times where it was like yeah arm around me kind of thing you know where i'm like yeah not to hold me back but it was just someone with their with their calm hand on my shoulder like hey hey yeah yeah

and then i'd be like we're leaving if we leave right now i'll chill it's like then we left it happened a few times like you're a dog and there's fireworks going on yeah yeah and the thing is i knew that it was me being unreasonable and but it you can't help it your emotions you can't you yeah control of those things you can't help it And I know you got to know that about yourself. And then, you know, if you can avoid it, it's the times when people tried to be like, fuck it, dude, don't sweat it. And I wouldn't sweat it. And that's over.

It's like long. Yeah. You're both adults. Yeah. Come on. You're like, no, I'm not an adult about this. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm telling you, I'm not. I did have an ex in San francisco where it was just like we still frequented the same bar so it would just be like weekly i would have that kind of just like weird 22 four-year-old games like we're both in there with people then you're talking to the people that they brought right yeah just like too nice to this dude that're talking to the people that they brought yeah just like too nice to this dude that she brought to the bar like this is like this is adjacent i don't think this would come up but one time i i talked a little too much shit to someone i shouldn't have been talking it to the night before a dude and i tried to use that as a reason i shouldn't be going to this thing the

next day and everyone's like dude it's all right. And it was, I was so close. This dude was going to kill me. And I had to, I had to put my hands behind my back and I was ready for, I was like, I'm sorry. I, I apologize. I will never do that again, but I was fully ready for him to just break my nose. And then he's, he didn't long story short, he didn't, but it was, nobody would let me talk my way out of it.

And I was like, he's going to kill me if he sees me. And he should. That's a pretty good excuse though. Like, Hey man, straight up. Craig would let me talk my way out of it. And I was like, he's going to kill me if he sees me. And he's a pretty good excuse, though. Like, hey, man, straight up. Craig is going to beat my nobody. Nobody wants a physical fight popping off at their Popeyes when when there's no chicken. Have the chicken. Have the chicken, bro. I mean, I think some people do want it popping off at the Popeyes.

Some people might go specifically to see it. That is true. Some people have tuned their algorithm for just that thing. Yeah. Some people scream into their phone when they're on the freeway, you know, anti-vaxxer fight, anti-vaxxer. I just say it enough, and then I was like, it'll pop up. I don't even have to search them anymore. It's like Candyman.

A film that I did not enjoy, but that's for another day. Yeah. man a film that i did not enjoy but we that's for another day yeah anti-vaxxer sean jordan you have the next pick and your final pick as it is a serpentine draft next pick i'm going with my pet is sick oh it's a good one and it works if uh if so it's got to be something like you know you can't be like you can't be like my tarantula is sick it's got to be like a cat or a dog or something and you got to be like yeah manantula is sick. It's got to be like a cat or a dog or something. And you got to be like, yeah, man, my cat will not eat. And there was blood in her poop. And I just can't go.

I got to hang. I got to make sure she eats. And it's always a crazy. I got to make sure she's supposed to eat at midnight on the dot. So I got to be here. Can't, you know. I got to make sure she's not barfing uncontrollably. No, I agree.

Little Eddie's rocking the cone right now. I saw that. I saw that on Dana's stories. I was going to ask. She, I agree. Little Eddie's rocking the cone right now. I saw that. I saw that on Dana's stories. I was going to ask. She got fixed. Yeah, that's a good one. You don't want to... Yeah, you got to watch him.

The medication is given every few hours. You got to watch the poop. You got to watch the pee. What if he eats something? What if he chews the stitches out? There's all these things. You got to be on top of it. I just got to keep my eye on it. You do like we went to get the kitties rabies shots yesterday

and they were acting funky and i was like very worried about it they wouldn't eat and i was like just staring at them for hours until they ate it's like it is a real thing i don't want to be out doing something if i'm worried about for sure and birdie yeah anyway so that one great pick we'll get to your final pick, a lightning round pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do.

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First of all, I just want to say that I think lotion feels great on your body. And if you want to put lotion on your body, I recommend coconut oil, body wash, wash your body, body talk. I am going to go, since baby was stolen from me. I'm going to say something that only works for about 10 months,

but it is my partner is pregnant and I got to be around. Got to be 10 months. Yeah. We got a super baby. you bookend it you know you find out it's one of the more famous amounts of time yeah yeah yeah it really is like It's kind of always been the nine. That reminds me of the orphan thing when I picked Luke Skywalker

and you're like, Luke Skywalker famously had a dad. I say roughly ten months because we is like nine and a half months from starting to fit. There's no rough about it. It nine i never lost my it's closer to 10 than it is to two they were thrown they were thrown from my chillers my keys were i'd never lost them um but yeah partner's pregnant i did use that one one time and she did not know i was using it i was out i went and got lunch with some buddies

who were in town to go skate to like a skate trip. And I just didn't want to kill time with them through the middle of the day. So we had lunch and I was like, all right, I'll see you guys at like five. And they go, what's where you got? Just chill with us. And I was like, Laura's fucking pregnant, dude. I got to be home. And then I get home.

I don't even know if she was here. She definitely didn't know I was coming home. We're going into the fourth trimester already. So it's the unspoken fourth. It's been a hard year for us. Yeah. Roughly 10 months. Chase,

what's up your final pick? You know what? I'm going to go three tech excuses. My phone died. Yeah. My battery on my phone died. I went for a hike. I just didn't have it planned out. You i was on 10 when i got when i went on the hike and then all of a sudden my

phone dies i missed it i missed all the texts and it happens to me all the time yeah who among us you know yeah yeah i love it when my phone dies you do i fucking love that shit don't anytime you can break the shackles of technology you fucking that's you at your best yeah yeah for real that's when i'm happiest yeah i don't i i don't love it i i sometimes sometimes i'm just like playing with fire like i'll go out like especially now that i'm not ass broke so like if my phone dies i could like call a cab from a bar or something and be okay yeah now that i'm not super broke i will totally go out with my shit on 20 i'll leave with it on yellow it is funny when you just you go on you're like ah we'll see we'll see how we'll see what

happens i'm on 12 yeah yeah we'll check it out i might not get your text later for real i might not i love that i love perfect David, your final pick. This is one in the same vein of my first one. As far as like, you want to show up to something late. It's talking to my mom. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Because that happens sometimes.

I'll just like accidentally talk to my mom for like an hour and a half or something. You know what I mean? So it's really easy. Oh, yeah. You know, it's talking to my mom. Plus your mom's international, which helps. Yeah what i mean so it's really easy oh yeah you know let's talk plus your mom's international which helps yeah yeah well that's totally it's the weird hours yeah it's the weird hours you don't know when i'm talking to my mom yeah you got a window because late at night is early in the morning for her so yeah we're supposed to be at the bar i've seen you i've seen both of you talk to your mom for a long time so i would

definitely buy that i'd be like yeah totally, totally. You should have been. You should have been. Yeah. Talking to my mom. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Time for my final pick. The final pick of the draft. I'm going to take, I'm going to take, you know what? I straight up laid down. Didn't wake up till the next day. Slept right through it. I love it.

That's a good one. Slept right through it. It's perfect. I've done that too. We've all been there. I needed it though. I needed it. I needed it.

And especially when you're, you know, when you're stressed, you got like a taxing job. I've done that too. We've all been there. I needed it though. I needed it. I needed it. And especially when you're, you know, when you're stressed, you got like a taxing job. I'll buy that. Like, yeah, man,

you can charge the battery, man. You got to charge your internal phone, you know, especially these days with everything going on these days. It's like, yeah, get some rest.

Take care of you. I'm glad you did that. I wish I could just go to sleep for 14 hours. Rest those bones. Rest those bones. I will be laying down i i rarely use this as an excuse without it being true but i will lay down feel that sleep coming on and just be like all right we're doing this we're just i love that feeling the body gets all your arms get all heavy

everything it's all you're just like sinking down the week the weekend after high planes because high planes happened and on sunday i kind of laid low and then i just had to work monday and go on the road again that next sunday after high planes was just like i was comatose i was dead i just died for a day i feel we all went to a korean barbecue one night i'm pretty sure all of us and nampe was in town and i remember we got back to the house with aspirations of going to the roost and i you went to betty and you were you went into your room and i was like i'm doing it i'm going into my room and i just passed out i kept my clothes on because i was like if he gets up i'm gonna be

ready to go and nobody got up i was so pumped i woke up at like two all my clothes on and i just took them off like oh this is dope dude i feel like if one of us is feeling it all of us are probably yeah yeah it's yeah we're yep the hive brain uh that was my final pick marissa do you have a pick yes i almost don't want to reveal it because i do use it sparingly but i'll say I got a podcast to record. Yeah. Oh! Yeah! Fuck yeah. That's sick. Amazing. Gotta make money in this world.

Yeah. Well, to recap, Sean, you went first. You took diarrhea, migraine, trying not to drink right now. My pet is sick and my partner's pregnant. Jason, you went second. took there's a death in the family uh oh one in my spam folder i don't have internet there no signal uh oh wait did i do that there might be beef at the location there might be beef my ex somebody i don't really want to get along with uh or oh shit my phone died david you went third couldn't find my keys i'm

not in town i'm gonna stand and write i have zero money and ah shit i was talking to my mom i went last and i took you know i can't the baby i got the baby at home and i picked diarrhea yeah yeah you forgot about your daughter and you picked shitting your pants first diarrhea well then we see what we see what lives in your heart the most, and it's diarrhea. I got a young kid at home. Possible COVID exposure. I'm working late tonight.

I can't make it. I'm super hungover. And then the final one, of course, I slept through it. Just slept right through it. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com.

I forgot to say, we left some good ones on the board we did indeed food poisoning food poisoning that's classic i was gonna take that i put it in your i put it in diarrhea though i thought i kind of did too i mean isn't that what you mean when you say food poisoning you mean diarrhea and barfing yeah yeah yeah just check them out what my washing machine broke that's a good one car broke down hurt my back oh that's a real good one oh man i feel like i i would have had to you gotta have a history of that though yeah you gotta set that one up early i just had

throw your partner under the bus you know like whatever the whatever that verbiage is where you're like right yeah she's on my ass right now because she's on my ass right now because all i do is lay in bed and watch uh fight videos and i'm not like changing my daughter's fucking diapers so i'm kind of on the hot seat right now guys i can't make it i gotta take her apple picking and just hope some beef pops off of the apple watch fight video also are you wearing a sweat towel like cedric the entertainer i'm sorry i know it's late to bring that up in the podcast but like what's going on over there i had uh so i had about a 12 minute window before we recorded to either eat or take a shower and shave my neck i took a shower and shaved my neck and i cut myself like five times i did it very hastily so i brought my cedric the entertainer towel down

to like dry the blood and as we're done recording i put it on my shoulder so i wouldn't forget about it when i go back upstairs i think man jordan sorry man you know what i'm telling you know what i'm saying shout out to everyone on the all Fantasy Everything Patreon. We love you. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit, the AFE Shaslackity. Shout out to super producer Marissa. We love you, Marissa. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude.

Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. When you're recording a pod and you get a shaky bod diarrhea that was a hate gun podcast