All Fantasy Everything - Famous Ians, Davids, Seans, and Sams (w/ Sam Tallent, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: November 22, 2018

LIVE IN MINNESOTA. We get drunk and draft a famous Ian, David, Sean and Sam. This episode was recorded live at The 10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival in Minneapolis, Minnesota.Support the show!Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodEpisode Guest:Sam Tallent @tallentsam IG: @samtallentFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to the live all fantasy everything. Live and direct from the 10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Make some noise. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, I am your host Ian Carmel, but I am not going to be doing this alone, as much fun as that would be. I could regale you with stories of the Middleman Jewish Community Center. Or perhaps my time as a Westview Wildcat defensive lineman, but no!

I brought some friends along today, the first of which you may know on Twitter is Sean S. Jordan. Sean Cougar Mella Jordan on Instagram sit next to me this time Bobby god damn how we living how we living Minneapolis

in mansions and Benz is giving ends to my friends and it feels stupendous tremendous cream fuck a dollar and a dream

still toe gas strap with an infrared beam you know what I mean I'll tell you this the planes were or no we were inverted Fuck a doll and a dream. Still toe gas trap with an infrared beam. You know what I mean? I'll tell you this. The planes were, or no, we were inverted. This is a Top Gun reference.

A lot of people say I look like an old Tom Cruise. He looks like Tom Cruise. A lot of people say it. He does. He does look like Tom Cruise. The G wasn't being very silent back there, was it? A little bit. I've worked with Tom Cruise on Count Them Up two separate occasions, and yeah, you look like Tom Cruise. The G wasn't being very silent back there, was it? A little bit. I've worked with Tom Cruise on Count Them Up two separate occasions, and yeah, you look like Tom Cruise.

I appreciate that, man. Yeah, doc. You look like Ving Rhames. What's wild about Ving Rhames is his name is Irving, right? I don't know. Is it real? No, yeah, his name is Irving. I get it. And he goes by Ving.

My people. My people. My people. Should we ever shorten it? And those are the Jewish folks. The Judaica. We go by Irv. That's Jewish.

He goes by Ving. Irv Gotti. Irv Gotti. Murder. Murder. What would I do without my baby. When I love him, I break me.

You guys probably thought two different jaw rules were up here, but you know why they make jaw rules? To be jaw broken, my friend. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. One of them had to work.

Something had to be funny that I said today. For you to do that before David has a microphone is bullshit. I gotta get my I gotta get my hits in while I can.

The G is silent on Twitter. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. A lot of beers this afternoon. Yeah. This is the drunkest one we've ever done. No. Not me.

Me for sure. Me, bro. I did a triple shot of tequila before the Denver one. That's true. We didn't... I don't remember everything I said about Sean. Like, that was that episode. I was pretty hammered in Austin, too.

I have it all tattooed on my back now. Oh, were it the three of used on my back now. Oh, weren't the three of us, that would be enough. Diana, Diana. However, it's not just the three of us. It's not just the Good Vibes gang. In fact, David, we have a guest who we've been meaning to have

probably since episode around 15. Yeah, early on. I personally don't like this dude, but... I feel like a lot of people say that. Yeah, I've hated him. About this person. Since he wore a red tuxedo to prom,

I thought he was daffy. He is a fashion icon. He is a fashion icon. Don't do this. Every time. No. Do not do this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't, no. Oh, I'm so mad. Let me talk. Every time I see him, he's wearing something I wouldn't expect and it looks cool. Yeah, it does. That's what's happened. I'm sorry.

I hate this. I'm sorry, but that's the case. I'm so mad. He's wet like the shoes will be crazy or the pants will be fucking weird. Yeah, the cutoffs will have one ball out. Crazy shit. Wild new shit. Bring him out.

Bring him out. Oh, you want me to do it? Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Talent. Sam T, y'all. Talent Sam on Twitter. Sam Talent on Instagram. Hey, everybody. Yeah, look at my fucking shoes.

They match my shirt. Sam grabbed a beer Sam grabbed one of the six beers Over there to bring it To join the five That were over here Yeah What did I say

Don't like him that much Instead of just grabbing One of the five That were already on the table David's dressed like A store brand teddy bear But he went and Once makes fun of me

We just found out about turquoise this year. Don't be like that. It's teal, stupid. What's the difference? Have some respect. I hate Sam so much. I'm glad we're on

opposite ends of the stage because... Ring in your neck. Your hands aren't big enough. No, they are big enough. Look at those things. It's like watching tennis. Come step in.

Fuck it. Fuck it. It's like watching tennis. Come step in. Yeah, David wishes he could play tennis. I work hard. I don't deserve this. You cheated me. David's going heavy Shane vibes right now. Oh, yeah. I don't deserve that. Oh, great.

Oh, great. All right. I don't even know I'm friendly, y'all. I don't even sound like that. I don't even sound like that. I don't even talk like that. Yes, you do. Also, I have gravy in my pocket, so I'm full of shit. I got a hypodermic needle full of red gravy.

I fill the barf bag with candy corn and eat it for the whole flight. Yeah, that was a real one. That was a diagnosed one. No, it was a really good one. I breathe dill oxygen. Fuck you, Shane. Fuck you, dude. You heard him, Shane. Fuck you, Shane. Fuck you, dude. You heard him, Shane.

Fuck you, dog. For saying that you would have won the Portland Amateur Comedy Contest instead of me if you didn't have to go to that wedding. That's what this is all about. Damn, that's real. That's what this is all about. All eight years of this shit talking.

That's why I keep a box cutter under my tongue. Like a box cutter razor under my tongue just in case he brings it up in person. Like Tupac in Above the Rim? Yep. Exactly like Tupac in Above the Rim, my friend.

I know you. That's not really what this is about. We make fun of Shane because we miss him. Yeah, sorry I'm not Shane. Yeah. So are we.

Yeah, I know. No one's ever said sorry I'm not Shane. Just his twin brother. Everybody's thrilled that they're not Shane. It's a guinea pig playing a French horn wearing a top hat. Hey, this is an audio podcast. Ian was just describing Shane again.

If people follow me on Twitter, they know about it. Somebody from the first show brought me that you need to step your game up second show we gave t-shirts to the first show because they bought their tickets early you motherfuckers are awesome second, we hate you. Whoa. You all seem like nice people to me. Are we not doing that? You got a brewer's shirt on. I'm not going to do that. But I misread the situation.

I misread the situation. That's not what we're doing? Y'all dink. Y'all dink. I thought we were going like. We're going to work up to it. I thought we were going velvet glove steel fist. No, no, no.

But you went steel fist. Oh, first. First. You opened with a fist. No, no, no. But you went steel fist. Oh, first. You opened with a fist. You can't start fisting. What? You got to finish fisting. I apologize. It's a closer move.

Fisting's for closers. Yeah, fisting's for closers. Just like Tupac in Above the Rim. Do you guys usually only have whites-only crowds? We've done four shows. Only in Minnesota. Only in Minnesota. Live in Minnesota.

Live in Minnesota. Yeah, Sam, tell them about your huge black following. Oh, yeah. Yeah, where are you coming from? You look like a Polish rabbit. Oh, my God. What the fuck are you coming at us for? I am huge with black teens in Nevada.

No, he's lying. All my friends in Nevada were 17-year-old black kids. I'm his only one. No, you're not. You wish. I know. You used to be. If you did a 23 and me, mayonnaise would be in the description.

Oh, my God. Jeez. Weird Burt, man. Man, this is a weird vibe to start. Come on, weird. I'm into it. Talking shit to the crowd, making fun of Sam. My dick's been out the whole time. Dick's out on the table.

They don't know. Ball's up. They don't know. We know, but on the listeners, it could have been true. Still is. Only a Minnesota, only a Minnesota Only a Minnesota took my dick out while we were doing the podcast got arrested and died

in a Minnesota prison. Got stabbed with a toothbrush Got stabbed with a toothbrush Got stabbed with a toothbrush Got stabbed with a toothbrush Got stabbed with a toothbrush Got stabbed with a toothbrush Couldn't decide if I wanted to join the Aryan Nation You're Jewish, you shouldn't do that 100%

There's not a lot of options for Jews in prison Infiltrate There's not like a Cornell accounting program In prison No one needs their taxes done on the inside I mean, not joke. It's not like a Cornell accounting program in prison. Yeah, no one needs their taxes done on the inside, you know? I can make that joke. What is happening? I'll tell you what's happening.

This should have been a video one. It's getting weird in here. It's getting weird as hell been a video watch. It's getting weird in here. It's getting weird as hell. Air's thin. It's getting sweaty up here. I was joking earlier talking shit about you. You guys are the most AFV crowd because you waited to buy tickets, which is what we would for sure do.

Also, we're assuming you're drunk as hell. We would have been like, I'll get them later. I got to buy about 12 beers and put them on the table before I buy tickets. For us, it would be like, I'll get them later. I gotta buy about 12 beers and put them on the table before I buy tickets. For us, it would be like, did you go to the show? We got drunk in the other show. We were in the same city. It counts. A sick man. I'm a sick man.

Tuberculosis. Yeah, it's coming back. He's coughed up an owl pellet. I'm what they call a lunger. I'm your they call a lunger. I'm your huckleberry. I got two lungs here. One for each of you. Now, if you were to tell Kelly Jordan that wasn't Val Kilmer,

she would spit on you. She thinks I do it better than Val Kilmer, which is crazy. Same, Kelly. Yeah, Kelly Jordan thinks I do it better than Val Kilmer, too. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it.

I said it. I said it. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. I said it. I said it. I didn't mean it. I didn't like it. I'll break every fucking bone in your body, playboy. That was the comedian me that came out. I didn't mean it, and I don't like that I said it. That was the you that wants to get in a fucking gnarly scrap outside that said that. That's chicken wing David.

No, I did. I really, as soon as I said it, I was like, this is not the time, David. No, I did. I really, as soon as I said it, I was like, this is not the time, David. David, there's no way you just walked over to that table full of men and took a chicken wing off their table, did you? I'm a different man now. That was months ago. I'm partying.

You've been doing that since you were 15. What are you talking about? Stealing? Yeah, stealing, eating chicken. Where's your crown, old white? We're in Minnesota. I bet there's Portuguese people here. Is this a Portuguese hot tub? Where my boat swains at?

Hey. All right. Nice. That pinata just settled. Dude, later that night, did I ever tell you the end of that story? You said you tried to be friends with them and they weren't with you. I tried to buy them drinks

after you took the chicken wing and Sean escorted you out. And I went over, I was like, hey, let me buy you some drinks. Yeah. Just to smooth things over. And they were like, no. They said, no, no, no, neither.

That's what they said to us. Neither. Did you end up fighting them? No, no, no, no. I went what they said to us. Neither. Did you end up fighting them? No, no, no, no. I went back to our corner. I waited another half an hour, and then I went back over, and I was like, fellas, please let me buy you some drinks. And they were like, all right. So I got everybody like a beer and a shot.

Oh, man. The six of them, and they drank them. And at this point, I hadn't been drinking for like an hour. Right. Because I hit my point where I was like, ooh, that's about it. And then I was, I hadn't been drinking for like an hour. Right. Because I hit my point where I was like, ooh, that's about it. And then I was hanging

back at the table. It was me, Phoebe Bottoms, Michael Malloy. I think Amy Miller was there. Amy Miller. So I'm sitting over there and then we bought them

the drinks and then as a show, you know, as like sort of reciprocation, they sent me a drink, but the drink they sent me was just a cup full of whiskey. Oh, that's nicer, though.

On ice. My stomach just turned a little bit. It was like well whiskey on ice, and they sent it over, and I took it, and I was like, yeah. And I drank it, and as soon as the liquor hit my tongue, Back out. saliva flooded my mouth. Yeah.

My pupils dilated. The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I was like,'m gonna barf so hard you disappeared from a bunch of photographs you used to be in yeah yeah yeah exactly I stood up

and I ran to the bathroom with the roost and I barfed so hard that I broke blood vessels on my face. You remember? Yeah. Because we did the Roxanne Gay podcast the next day. The next day. And I had just like fucking like.

Anyway. So I barfed super hard. But I ran into the bathroom. And I'm barfing. And then one of the dudes from the table that David had stolen a chicken wing from. Who we were beefing with earlier. Ran in after me. And I was like, bleh!

And then he burst in. He was like, you know where I get some coke? And I was like, I wish! Bleh! Man, I love that bar. Yeah, man. The roost is tight. It is tight. It's like, what's the fucking, what is it? CC Club? What's that? Yeah, that's like the roost. So for everybody who lives in Minneapolis, nobody listening but everybody fucking, what is it, CC Club? What's the, yeah. That's like the roost.

So for everybody who lives in Minneapolis, nobody listening, but everybody here, they get it. People in Minneapolis clearly listen to our podcast. Yeah, probably, yeah. Sold out two shows. You Luddite. What's that mean? You're such a plebeian.

Screeching halt Yeah this Screeching halt was brought to the fun Yeah I feel like it was my fault Yep Was it my fault? Yep Yeah

Thank you No bro You No no no no Me dog Me bro Fucking me dude Yeah you

What are we What are we drafting today? Me, dog. Me, bro. Fucking me, dude. Yeah, you. What are we drafting today? Nothing, David. We're just chilling. Now we can spend all day here talking about the roost, and it'd be fun. It'd be a fun podcast if we did, but no. No way. We are gathered here today.

Never. In Sisyphus, bro. Sisyphus. Sisyphus. We've been calling In Sisyphus, bro. Sisyphus. Sisyphus. We've been calling it syphilis all weekend. We think we're so funny. We think we're so funny. Don't laugh at that.

You guys can do better. What? Laugh at that. Syphilis? Yes. It's a sexually transmitted disease. Yeah, yeah. Syphilis is.

That's why it's funny. It's a very serious issue. How's the phone happen? But you can get rid of it by drinking a charcoal shake. It eats your brain, your nose will fall off. What's not funny about that? Yeah. Cut your ear off, mail it to a French whore.

We don't say the word French up here. What? That was the funniest way for that joke to hit. Van Gogh. I know. But he said French whore horn everybody was just like yee I'm gonna make them like me eventually

alright you're gonna love me if you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much room my friend so good on you we are gathered here today

in beautiful Sissphus Brewing. Syphilis. In downtown Minneapolis, Minnesota. Not just to discuss Van Gogh and syphilis riddled brains, but also to fantasy draft. It's not a riddle how he got that syphilis, you know what I mean?

It was a French whore. No, they loved it when you said it too. Good. Glad it's not just me. It's not even Dutch now yet. They're just upset because it was a Dutch whore. No one knows. A male Dutch whore.

Now, don't you feel weird for booing me? Yeah, it was the guy. Now you're the monster. He was a Republican. So you're the bad guys. And I maintain my perfect record. There it is. It's getting complicated.

We are here in Sinsaersboro in beautiful downtown Minneapolis. A three and a half hour flight from Skid Row. Right there. You land on Skid Row. You land on Skid Row. It's fun. You land on a hairier jump jet on Skid Row. To draft famous Davids, Ians, Shons, and Sams.

That's my name. And wait. Y tambien. Y tambien. A famous name to be pulled from the crowd here today. Ah. And Sean, you're the sweetest boy of all. Get out of town.

I mean, he says that. Oh, he is. He's sweet. I feel like it should be incumbent upon you to pick the name of the audience member that we draft. First name, right? Yeah, first name. Nicole, are you here?

I'm sorry. I left two tickets for it. We'll call Ricky Bobby. Nicole! We used to be lovers. Neither here nor there. How could you be lovers if you can't be friends? I don't know.

I've been asking that question. Usher posed that question years ago. So, go on to the audience. Way down to the sea. The holy sea. Somebody name a professional skateboarder. Bob Burnquist. Alright. What is...

Who said Bob Burnquist? Who said Sean Malta? Who did say Sean Malta? Did somebody say Sean Malta? Oh, he's the best. He's the best skateboarder in the world. What's your name? Robert.

All right. And a famous Robert. You said Bob Bernquist, and your name is, in fact, long for Bob. It was Bob Bernquist who said that. What's your name, Robert? Brazilian kickflip? I was looking for a Malachi, but I guess Robert will work.

Any Malachis in the crowd tonight? All right, fine. Another disappointing... No, I'm just joking. You guys are fucking tight. I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm being mean to you. It's because I love you so much

and I don't know how to express it. Because you're drunk as hell. Also, I'm drunk. No. It's a guinea pig wearing a top hat playing the French horn. Sean.

I know that. I follow you on Twitter. He's on the ground. Me and 47,000 other people. Man down. 43. 43.

Oh, I was thinking of Zach Toscani. I apologize. Oh, I was thinking of Zach Toscani. I apologize. Oh, damn. That dickhead counts Zacula from Glensylvania, as it were.

It is. I didn't think it was going to get that spicy in here. Oh, it's hot. Jim Parsons, but with a G. That would be... So, uh, yo, we're here to draft famous Roberts,

Davids, Ians, Shons, and Sams. Yeah. And the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicky game of rock, paper, scissors. Sure. Play between the three of you. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

David wins again. Double down, baby. Hard work, no days off. That's how we do it. Shut up, dude. Guess who's going last, bitch? Feels like you, dude. I bet it's going to be that Dutch whore.

No? So we're done saying that. I feel like the whore jokes are not landing. So we're done saying that word. I agree. That's not what we're about. We don't talk about whore. There's no such thing as a whore.

Just because a woman enjoys to be sexually active doesn't make anyone a whore. Oh, I thought we were talking about people like prostitutes. Even that's nothing. There's nothing wrong with that. But prostitute is a nomenclature. Sex work is a wonderful thing. It'sutes. Even that's nothing. There's nothing wrong with that. But prostitute is a nomenclature. Sex work is a wonderful thing. It's fantastic.

We all need it. It's my second favorite job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lot lizards. My first. I'm bad at my fill. No, yeah, yeah. I can hear it in your voice.

Oh, yeah. We work real hard, Tim. I got a couple baby lizards out there in Wyoming. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. Oh, yeah. One time when I was 16, Sam hit me with a car in Wyoming. I ran over your fucking toe.

You ran over my foot. Quit telling that story. You ran over my foot. Yeah, and why? Because you left a skid mark in the back seat. No, you did it because you thought it was funny. There was no reason. What, I thought a hate crime was funny?

You and Jansen Cock, and you did it for no reason. It was Stefan Williamson, and we were buying fireworks. Jansen Cock-ish. This means nothing to you guys. I'm going to go first. Sam's going second. Hey, nice. Ian's going third.

Sean's going fourth. Hey, nice. Sam T. Ian's going third. Sean's going fourth. Whatever, bro. Give me the fucking hot corner, you motherfucker. You know I love it. This is how it happens. I came up with this podcast. I get nothing in return. Listen, man, I got a blood feud with Sean.

I get nothing in return. I got a blood feud with Sean. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I put myself in front of the podcast, so that was wrong. Yeah, dude, when the beef is on, all I care about is grilling. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I put myself in front of the podcast. I thought that was wrong. Yeah, dude.

When the beef is on, all I care about is grilling. Yeah, dude. My first. You'll never know how true that sentence was. My first pick. Here we go. Sean Puffy Combs. Yes.

I just love him. He can't stop because he won't stop. Is he going anywhere? He's not going nowhere because he's bad boy for life. Here's the thing about Sean Puffy Combs. Here's the only thing. The sun don't shine forever, but as long as it's here, then we might as well shine together.

Better now than never. Business before pleasure. P. Diddy and the fam. Who you know do it better. Yeah, right. No matter what, we air tight. So when you hear something, make sure you hear it right. Don't make an ass out of yourself by assuming our music keeps you moving. What words did you just say?

He always says, he says music in there. Yeah, oh yeah. Because our music keeps you moving. I'm the real life shit from front to back. All the people in the world, where the fuck you at? Listen, I love Sean Diddy Combs because he looks like a skinny me. Is that how you see me? Oh yeah.

He comes in the house. 100%. Whoa. What about my behavior? What about my behavior makes you think I don't see myself as a shiny suit rapper? That's all I'm doing out here. You wear basketball shorts as underwear. What?

I wear underwear as underwear. Sam's. Why are you lying to these people? I wear underwear. You don't wear underwear. You went swimming in Dickie shorts yesterday. Because I didn't have swim shorts. Okay. All right. In a saltwater pool. Anyways... in Dickie shorts yesterday. Because I didn't have swim shorts. Okay. Right around for me. In a saltwater pool.

Anyways. It was saltwater. I went swimming in jeans like a single dad. Oh, yeah. Who has never been to the ocean because he's heard about it.

You went swimming in jeans like you don't have a dad. No, he does have a dad. I had, I had a dad. He had a dad. What are you mad about? David, I had a dad. He died from alcoholism. are you mad about? David, I had a dad.

He died from alcoholism. I don't even know my dad. I think that joke was funny. Yeah, yeah. My dad passed away from alcoholism. But anyway, yeah, Sean Puppy comes, yeah? What do you want from me? My dad is Ivan Carmel.

Now, what does he do for a living? He's an attorney at law. Sam's dad taught me about Frisbee golf. Hell yeah, yeah. And how to love. Dave Talent, the old Dave T. Yep. Yeah, Sean Povicombe.

Sean Combs. From Get Him to the Greek, that guy? The actor from Get Him to the Greek. Don't do me like that. You're taking the actor from Get Him to the Greek? I'm taking the actor from... The guy from Get Him to the Greek. I'm taking the actor from Erasing the Sun on Broadway. It's the actor from Get Him to the Greek. The guy taking the actor from... The guy from Get Him to the Greek. I'm taking the actor from Erasing the Sun on Broadway.

It's the actor from Get Him to the Greek. The guy who explained to me what a Jeffrey was. David took the actor from Get Him to the Greek. Yeah, yeah. Or me. We did a fantasy draft, and for the first pick, David took the guy from Get Him to the Greek. Were you in Get Him to the Greek?

Not unless we're in movies. That's an accomplishment. No, I know. Boys, boys, boys. We'll be boys. I love the know. Boys, boys, boys. We'll be boys. I love the pic. I'm not making fun. I think it's hilarious you think that he looks like you at all.

I do. I don't think you've ever looked at him. Oh, I've looked at him hard. I don't think you have. Oh, yeah. I've got lost in those blue eyes, man. They're like oceans. In Puff Daddy's blue eyes. Yeah.

In that black person's blue eyes. Oh, don't. Don't look at my people, man. You've gotten lost in Puff Daddy's blue eyes. Yeah, I did. You're going to stand behind it. Uh-huh. I'm standing in front of it, too.

All right, you go for it, pal. I've got it surrounded. You are an idiot. Oh, man. That was hilarious. Make sure you check out the Shine In podcast. Now dissolved! No, I'm just kidding. We're going to get drunk blasted on tonight.

Yeah, that's my first pick. That's it. Sean P. Daddy comes. And then who's next to Sam? Do I have to pick a Sean or can I take a any name oh boy howdy alright you animals get up to the old trough

lot of prefixes cause I'm lots of prefixes I'm coming at you hard right now I've got to represent my people and I got to take it from the top right here I am going with the one and only Sam I am going with the one and only Sam I Am. That's right. Uh-huh.

Does he like green eggs and ham? It's really no one's business but his own, okay? It's hard to picture a more tepid response from the crowd. Yeah, I know. These people hate me. They listen to David's propaganda for,

you know... It's like you picked eating a saltine right before bed. Everyone's like, and I'd like to draft an overcast 61 degree day. No, my whole life, Sam I am. That's what I hear. I'm taking it now. I got it. I'm proud. I'm standing behind it. Sam I am. He's animated.

He taught kids how to read. You never taught anyone how to read, so shut up about it. All right? Yeah, right. Sean didn't know how to read before he met you. He still doesn't know how to read. I don't read books, dog. Yeah, I know.

I know. Shorty can't eat no books. What am I reading a book for? Better gang bang those books. A book's going to put fucking food on the table? I don't think so, Playboy. Yes, it's called being an author. Books? Sam just says a reasonable job that it is. Yeah. A book's going to put fucking food on the table? I don't think so, Playboy. Yes, it's called being an author. What?

Sam just says a reasonable job that it is. Yeah. Sean's like, I don't know what you're talking about. God wrote the Bible. I don't know why. Yeah, so Sam, I am. It's a great choice. You're all welcome.

All right. God wrote the Bible. Yeah. You are funny, man. Not according to these people, but thank you, David. All right. I feel like I interrupted

a sleepover in here. This is... No boys allowed! Yeah. I told you guys to turn down the Rammstein and now you're all pissed. The Rammstein.

Nine. I thought you were reading from the Torah. Du hast. Du hast misch. Du hast misch da fa. I don't know what he says. Du hast misch da fa. Du hast misch da fa.

Du hast misch da fa. I don't know what he says. That shit spooked me out. Am I stroking out or were you not in English? Young Jewish boy. You. Loud German music. You're Jewish. No me gusta. You're Jewish? No me gusta. You're Jewish?

100%. Okay. Bar Mitzvah. Everybody was just hanging. Is he going to say it or has he been lying this whole time? Sam I.M.

Dr. Seuss. What even is... Okay, okay, okay. That's a different person. What even is Sam I.M.? Sam I.M. was a little guy with a big dream. All right, yeah.

I'm on board. You guys don't like Sam I.M.? What's the matter with you people? They don't like Sam I.M. All these Christian scientists in here. No, what? Hating on Sam I.M. Because Sam I.M. is just one of those weird

anonymous Dr. Seuss creatures with furry fingers. He doesn't have furry fingers. I bet he does. Take that back. We all have furry fingers. He's not Albanian. I'm furry in a weird way.

Sam I.M.'s American. I'm looking up. Albanian's the furriest fingers in the game. We all know that. I'm looking up Sam I.M. right now. Yeah, look him up. What do you got, David? Wild. I bet you everything has got

furry fingers. No. Oh, no! Sam I Am is the name of Amy Miller's brother's band. Oh! That's the only way it could have been worse. Nice. No, they tour Europe. They're great. Anyone could tour Europe. Hitler toured Europe. He wasn't tour Europe. They're great. Anyone could tour Europe.

Hitler toured Europe. He wasn't that great. All right. Oh, that won you over, you fucking freaks? All right, good. I'm spitting from the hip. I'm putting in dip. All right?

I got an extra hollow in my clip. I'm here to rip. Yeah, he's hairy. Wanted more? No in my clip. I'm here to rip. Yeah, he's hairy. Wanted more? No. He's hairy for sure. Yeah, what about those fingers, though? Yeah, no, no. What's that digit do? It's hairy as hell. His fingers

are hairy as hell. Everybody listening? I didn't have the pictures in my books, alright? That's because they were books. Your dad just wrote it down on loose-leaf paper. He did, yeah. He wrote it on the back of a frisbee and whipped it

at me from a hundred yards away. It was just like, I don't want a cream omelette. I'm Sam. That was the whole book. Simon and I first pick. And out of the Davids, Ians, Shons, Sams, and Roberts, I am going to take all the way back around.

I'm going to take David Bowie. Yeah, no shift. Very good pick. Duh. It's a very good pick. Oh, nice. What a pedantic pick. All right.

They love it. Sam took the gloves off. I'm gloveless, man. I'm pedantic pick. All right. They love it. Sam took the gloves off. I'm gloveless, man. I'm nibbling my own fingers. It's almost as good as Sam I Am. That meaningless character from a book for children. He meant something to me. You read so many books, too.

That was the one that stuck. That book about green eggs and ham. I love ham. You read so many books, too. That was the one that stuck. That book about green eggs and ham. I love ham. A story for slow children. What? How many of you people read that book growing up, huh? Everyone.

Everyone. I've never read it. I'm all self-avowed slow child. Let's make a note. Who read that book as a child? Make some noise. Sam Teak. Okay, who has thought specifically about the character Sam I Am since then? My man right over there.

Is your name also Sam? Is that why? One dude. You're goddamn right it is. Hey, all right. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Two Sams. Meanwhile, who here has listened to

some David Bowie music recently? Fuck you, bro. David Bowie didn't teach anyone to read. He taught us a lot of stuff. He was a recording artist, right? He told us that there was life on Mars. He wasn't English, he was science. You're talking about the actor from Labyrinth, right?

Yeah, the actor from Labyrinth. Big ass codpiece, dude. Let's bring codpieces back. I don't know what that means. A codpiece? Yeah, you wear it over your dog. Over your dilsnick. I know what dilsnick means. I want a red one. David Bowie was tight. His music was awesome.

His eyes were different colors. He fucked everything. He didn't care if you were a boy or a girl or whatever. As long as there was His music was awesome. His eyes were different colors. He fucked everything. He was a sexual being. He didn't care if you were a boy or a girl or whatever. As long as there was consent, he was in there like a swimwear. Did he fuck Marlon Brando? Somebody fucked Marlon Brando. Quincy Jones fucked Marlon Brando.

No. Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor fucked Marlon Brando. Oh, Richard Pryor fucked Marlon Brando. Quincy Jones said Richard Pryor fucked Marlon Brando. Yeah. And David Bowie watched. Yeah.

That is wild. David Bowie's tight, man. Those songs are fucking wonder. If a David Bowie song pops off at a club, you're going to put it on your dancing shoes. You're also at a weird club. Are you at a weird club? Yeah.

The people hate you, Sam. I know. Guess what? I hate you, St. Paul rules. Easy what? I hate you, St. Paul rules. Easy. Whoa. Yeah. Uh-huh.

It's getting weird. It's getting weird. I can't handle it. It's getting crazy. Minneapolis. I'm actually just Mike Malloy in a Sam suit. I'm just pulling my face off. I listen to the pod.

All right. Fuck you. I don't want to go to the roost. That's a classic Malloy bit. I'm not going. The kid doesn't want to listen to the pod. All right. Fuck you. I don't want to go to the rest. That's a classic Malloy bit. I'm not going. The kid doesn't want

to go to the roost. Kid doesn't want to go to the roost. The kid doesn't like to get hung out with then. Mike Malloy. He sucks. So Sean's pick?

Here's what's dope about David Bowie. Everything's dope about him. That's the issue. I took a risk. I'm a creative innovator. You don't take a risk in the first round. Yeah, you do.

No, you don't. Look at the Cleveland Browns. I want to take the fucking Ravens defense. Bean burrito, no onions. He just looks so pissed off And you guys love him You built a statue for him Alright

Cause I'm nice I'm nice too You're being an asshole Sean's not even really that nice David Bowie Yes he is He really is He is

But he's also not to like No he is He's everything he's advertised as Nobody's nice to Shane Cause Shane is a bummer. Ah, right. David Bowie has David Bowie's best song and then David Bowie also has

Mott the Hoople's best song. That's impressive. David Bowie's Damn You Got Queens best song. That song, All the Young Dudes by Mott the Hoople? I don't know it. Send me some news. Boogaloo truth. You can sing it

while you're young, dude. I still don't know what you're talking about. Bowie wrote it for all of his lovers and his management said, we can't put this out. What?

All the young dudes, this will bury you. So he sold it to Mott the Hopple. Oh, the song's about having sex with all the young dudes? That's what I like. Good for him, man. I bet you that guy

got it deep in there. That codpiece is legendary, man. Codpiece. Are you talking about his dog? He was hanging a hammer. David Bowie's dick is covered in stamps like a passport. Sean? I always thought he would have like a shiny dick.

Doesn't it seem like he'd have a shiny dick? There's that candy apple red. Yeah, just old shine dick. Shine cock. There's that part in Labyrinth when he's got those gray pants on, and now I'm a grown-up, and I'm like, you can see his dick. When I was a kid, my mom would be like, oh, I love this part. And now I look back, I'm like, that's crazy.

She'd quiet me. I could be telling her how I got an A on a test or something. She's like, oh, be quiet, quiet, quiet. I love this part. Yeah, your mom loves a lot of parts in her day. David Bowie. Oh, my tiny son, this is my favorite part of the movie. Never mind that huge cock.

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spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash all fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams.

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All right. Me, bro. Me. I'm going to go Robert. I'm going to go Robert De Niro. Thank you. Thank you much. I call him Bobby.

Yeah. Bobby! I'm in the industry, so I call him Bobby D. She went to a party with him the other day. Really? Yeah. H! I'm in the industry, so I call him Bobby D. Jim went to a party with him the other day. Really? Yeah. Hickox. Yes. You went to a party with Robert De Niro? We shared a moment, actually. You had a moment?

Yes. What's he smell like? Jim and Bobby had a moment. What was the moment? I'm glad I wasn't thrown out for it. He wasn't thrown out for it? Well, they weren't throwing him out. Well, yeah, no. They weren't going to throw him out. Bobby De Niro doesn't get thrown out.

But anyway, he doesn't pull Bobby. He's going there tapping his nose. He's getting ready for a speech, yeah. You know. Are you lying? Tell the story. What the fuck is going on? Okay, so Jim yells out,

fuck Donald Trump while Bobby's getting ready for his speech. He's giving the speech. He's giving the speech. This is good audio. Seriously. This is a good podcast. Robert De Niro.

So what I understand happened is you yelled out fuck Donald Trump during Bobby's speech. And he loved it? Yeah, it was basically the man had a high five hanging out. And he loved it. And I had to call in response. All right, cool. Finally, someone they hate more than me. Good Hickox. All right, cool. Finally, someone they hate more than me. Jim Hickox.

All right, good. Thank the Lord. Jim, chime in anytime. All right? Yeah, Robert De Niro. That's a solid choice. Bobby Digital. He's fucking fantastic.

Yeah. What's your favorite Bobby D movie? It's always been Casino. Oh, yeah, you are a Casino. I'm fucking fantastic. Yeah. What's your favorite Bobby D movie? It's always been Casino. Oh, yeah. You are a Casino. I'm a Casinoman. Yeah, you love Casino. And, you know, Goodfellas is dank, but I think Casino is just better for me.

What if I analyze that? Analyze this, though. Okay, yeah. This, bro. This dick. Is that what we're going to do? No. Somebody has opinions about analyze this. This, bro. This dude. Is that what we were doing? No. Somebody has opinions about Analyze This.

I was kidding. I like what Bobby D has done in the last 15 years where he's just completely untied the kite and it's just flying around in the sky where he's just doing Analyze That and Meet the Fockers. It's like, fuck it man. Who cares? Dirty Grandpa's like the worst movie I've ever seen.

Just like get that money. You did Raging Bull. I heard it's cause he got You made it. I heard it's cause he got a crazy divorce. That's why he's doing all these shit. Really? Yeah. Bobby, you know bringing it back down to earth. Robert De Niro only fucks Blackweather. Hell yeah. Tight.

Game respects game. That's not true, Sam. No, it's true. No, it's not. You have a wife. I'm not going to tell this. A white, white wife. Her name is Emily. She's from Detroit.

She's from Dearborn. Statistically, she's not white based on that. All right. Praise my wife. You can tell that story. No, I cannot. Bobby. I cannot.

No. Nobody can. Nobody. All right. Everybody look up that story. I don't even know where we are on the line. It's my second pick. It's so Sean as it is. Double down. Oh, nobody. All right. Everybody look up that story. I don't even know where we are on the line. It's me. It's my second pick. It's so Sean as it is.

A serpentine draft. Oh, shit. Oh, actually, we have no idea whose turn it is because we didn't describe what kind of draft it was. Fuck. I'm sorry. It's not too late to bring up the fact that it is a serpentine draft. Great question.

That's crazy. Well, okay. Let's say that you have a glass of water in your left hand. No, that's what I did last time. Let's say that you got Goodfellas sitting right next to your DVD player. And you

plug in Goodfellas for a second. And then you look over and there's Casino sitting on your DVD player. And you're like, I'm going to in Goodfellas for a second. And then you look over and there's Casino sitting on your DVD player. And you're like, I'm going to take Goodfellas out. I'm going to play Casino a little bit. And then you look back over and you see Goodfellas sitting there, but you're like, I kind of want to keep watching Casino a little bit, though. But then you take Casino out, and then you put Goodfellas

back in. And you're like, Goodfellas is kind of dank, though. And then you think about putting Casino back in, but you're like, I don't know, Goodfellas, I'm kind of feeling it. So then you think about putting Casino back in, but you're like, I don't know, Goodfellas, I'm kind of feeling it. So, you know. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick

first in the second. Okay. And Sean, that's the case right now, so you get another pick? You know, it does make sense when you say it like that, I guess. I'm going to pick my Sam. I'm going to pick Sam Rockwell. He's just awesome. I mean, he just fucking seems rad.

And like somebody that I'd like to chill with. I wish I knew a different Sam like that, but I don't, you know? Buddy, buddy, buddy. Nothing gives you that right. I love you so much. I apologize. It's okay.

South Dakota. It's an amazing state. You're right to bring that up. Yeah. Yeah. Too bad we're not drafting states. We're drafting Sams, and I picked Sam Rockwell. Yeah.

Pretty easy. Pretty pedestrian. We get up a hundred guests and you're the only one who takes out the code in a draft. Adam Vinatieri might take it. No. Brock Lesnar might take it. No.

They've seen the world. January Jones might take it. That might be true. Bob Barker might take it. Bob Barker. Pat O'Brien might take it. Pat O'Brien. George Montgomery. Man, you know your state sucks when youer. Pat O'Brien might take it. Pat O'Brien. George Montgomery. Man, you know your state sucks when you're claiming Pat O'Brien. I know. Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw, playboy. Lawrence Welk is from there. Is this what we're doing now? No. Sam Rockwell. He's amazing. I think Sam Rockwell's awesome. He seems rad in every movie. What are some Sam Rockwell pictures you enjoy?

Moon. Ah. Yeah. My favorite prank Sam Rockwell pictures you enjoy? Moon. Ah. My favorite prank. Everybody hates it, huh? Tepid. You might as well just draft Sam I Am. What are some other pictures? Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Okay.

Oh, yeah, that is good. Tepid. What's another one? A 61 degree cloudy day. No, I don't know know I can't think of too many Sam Rockwell pictures they hate the pic that's okay

that can happen I think they just hate Sam three billboards outside of Evan Missouri is a terrible movie it's fucking terrible

it's so bad it's so he's great oh he's great in it there are Francis McDormand is great he's great the movie itself is fucking hog shit it's so Mickey's great oh he's great in it there are Francis McDormand is great he's great

the movie itself is fucking hog shit it's like a hog shit all over a glass window I haven't heard one good thing about that movie and then they just held it up

to a projector like that's what the movie is it's terrible I never saw it does it make any sense they throw a cop out of a second story window and then nothing happens

they throw what this movie sounds tight as hell it's no it's crazy they throw cop into the wind what window and then nothing happens? What? This movie sounds tight as hell. No, it's crazy. They throw cop into the wind. What?

There we go. There we go. I needed it. I needed something after that horrible pick, I guess. Sam Rockwell. There we go. All right, Bowie. We were...

Inverted. Inverted. He wasn't even looking at me. He knew what I was doing. We were inverted. I feel like I'm not talking to this side of the room at all. On the heels of David Bowie, I'm going to take another musician.

Okay. And I'm going to take Sean J. Okay. And I'm going to take Sean Jay-Z Carter. Ah, there we go. There we go. Now, have you ever seen him perform live?

I have at Las Vegas. Ah, so dope. Here's my question. Here's my only discrepancy. Because they spell it differently? Are we taking S-E-A-Ns or are we taking... Yeah, we're taking all Sean's.

So we're taking all Sean's. So S-H-A-W-Ns. We're taking Sean's. We're taking SeanANs? Yeah, we're taking all Sean's. So we're taking all Sean's. So S-H-A-W-Ns. We're taking Sean's. We're taking Sean's. Then yeah, Jay-Z has changed my life. So I love it. Now, when you saw him live, was there a pimp sitting in front of you? Yeah, I think there was.

That dude was a white pimp, right? Yeah. That was a crazy scene. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. On the flight out here to Minneapolis, I was sitting in first class because I'm doing well. Things are going good. Things are going good. In front of me.

Directly in front of me. A Republican man watching Fox News pissing me off. Directly to his right was a man who had worn a fur coat over a gold pinstripe suit onto the plane. You said a man, but I think you mean

my man. My man. I can feel your next question. Did he have a cane? Yeah, obviously. Did it have the head of a cobra on it? Yes and yes. Do you think he's ever called it his co-cane? Yes and yes. Did it have the head of a cobra on it? Yes and yes. Do you think he's ever called it his co-case? Yes and yes. Did he take up the entire overhead compartment

with his fur coat and then two different platinum attaché cases? Yes. Did I read one of the attaché cases? Yes. Did it say Afro Man on it? Yes. Are you kidding me?

Was it Afro Man? How did you not tell me this as soon as I saw you? I'm out with Afro Man, dude. Why didn't you tell me this yet? We've been hanging out for two days and you didn't tell me that you fucking seen Afro Man? Me and Afro Man. Fuck. Afro Man is older than you think.

Yeah, no. No, he's as old as I think. Yeah, he's an OG, an older gentleman, as it were. He's for sure as old as I think. He's so old. When I read Afro Man, I was like, this has got to be a different Afro Man. For real. I was like, probably there's a pimp called Afro Man.

He's got to be of the Boston Afro Man. Of the Boston Afro Man. It's the same Afro Man. Me and Afro Man flew out to Minneapolis together. So that Boston Afro-mans. Of the Boston Afro-mans. It's the same Afro-man. Me and Afro-man flew out to Minneapolis together. So that means Afro-man is just somewhere. We should tweet at him. I tweeted at him and no response. I was like, flew out with Afro-man.

Let's party this weekend. Nothing. Nada. Palmdale, come back to me. I asshailed on through Palmdale Smoking on end of weed Those are different songs. Baby Palmdale Come back to me

Cause that's where my heartache began That was the worst. That was the worst singing I've ever done in my whole life. They know. They know. They heard it. This is for sure the second show. I thought it was pretty good.

Remember when I said throw cop into the wind earlier? I had several thumbnails smoking on end of weed. Now roll, roll, roll to join. Pick out the season stamps. Uh-oh. And if my... Whose pick is it? Sam's.

It would be Sam's. I feel crazy. All right, here we go. Oh, I took Jay-Z. We didn't even talk about Jay-Z. Oh. Fucking Jay-Z, dude. He's one of the greatest rappers ever.

He changed music forever. He's way better than Tupac. We all agree on that. He's no atmosphere, right? Yeah. He's no atmosphere, right? Jay-Z's got like hella iconic albums. So many songs

you want to celebrate yourself to. I tell jokes about it so I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I think Jay-Z's one of the greatest Americans. One of the greatest Americans of all time.

It's like his story is the most American story. The elevator ride he took. Come on. 15 years he went from selling drugs openly to hanging out with the president. Buying Bosque. It's incredible.

It's fucking amazing. He's incredible. He's my favorite person. Sean Carter, dude. Big pimpin'. Listen to it. Pour champagne all over your own naked body. Sam.

Sam T. I'm going to win him back. I'm going to get you guys back, all right? I'm going to collect all back I'm going to get you guys back alright I'm going to collect all you nuts you can't get them back if you never had them oh I had them

I walked up here they were losing it alright I'm taking Max from where the wild things are I know it's I know we're not drafting that name but I feel like the people

will be with me I'm taking another mythological beast alright everyone here we go I know we're not drafting that name, but I feel like the people will be with me. I'm taking another mythological beast. All right, everyone? Here we go. I've got a Sean coming at you, and it's the one and only Sean Kemp. Yes.

Yeah. There it is. The Rain Man. I'm your king again. Sean Kemp. Ten motherfucking kids, dog. So many kids. He's got hella kids journeyman career

slam dunk 18 years old in the league no no no no no oh yeah he played for a lot of teams no no no borderline

hall of famer here we go Sean Kemp you can be a borderline hall of famer and also play for a lot of teams did he play for

that many teams? Yes. Oh, I apologize. Thank you. I'm sorry. No, two. You don't have to join him. He was in Portland when he was all fat, right?

Yeah, yeah. Seattle, Cleveland, Portland. And probably Orlando. Yeah, yeah. Damn. I think he was a Phoenix Sun for 12 minutes, you know? Here's why. I saw Sean Kemp one time

when he played for the Portland Trailblazers and he had to weigh 340 pounds. All right? Two for two for me, dude. Yes, yeah. See? I know how to pander.

So Sean Kemp, he kicked a ball into the upper deck and the refs just looked at each other and shrugged and went, oh, Sean. No technical foul. They didn't kick him out of the game. He just put those Rainmakers right in that ball

and sent it up in there. I love Sean Kemp. Representation's important. Sean Kemp is responsible for everything I wore in sixth grade. And every poster that was on my wall in sixth grade. And one out of six people. He's got a lot of kids. He does.

Yeah, dude, that guy's going in. Rain Man never wore a rain jacket. You know what I mean? He's like a modern-day Genghis Khan. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, that guy loved unprotected sex and rebounding. And that was...

In that order. Yeah, yeah. Which was... That was also my senior quote. So, yeah. Which was... That was also my senior quote. So, you know... Yeah, I love fucking Sean Kemp, dude. He got all big and fat and looked like he was always on whippets.

I love that guy. Yeah, the last five years he was in the league, he always looked like he didn't know where he was. Yeah, yeah. Like, he just woke up somewhere and they're like, you're playing the four tonight, Sean. Like, the middle of his numbers were bigger than the outside

because he had the bulge, you know, in the middle. Yeah, he was wearing compression socks. Only guy in the league. He invented Spanx. He did wear Spanx his whole career, though. Oh, yeah, I love Sean. Yeah, I love Cam. Sean Cam is tight.

His dunk on Alton Lister is iconic. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. He was friends with Olden Polonese. Shout out to Olden Polonese. Olden. He listens.

Yeah. Friend of the pod. Old backwards Polonese. Shout out to Olden Polonese. Shout out to Rolando Blackman, dude. Sam Perkins. Big smooth. Sam Perkins.

Big smooth, baby. Rest in peace, Malik Sealy. Second episode in a row. Sean Camp, dude. David, in a row. Sean Campton. David, it's time for your second pick. My second pick is Ian Kilmeister. Lemmy. Yeah, Lemmy, of course.

Oh. Someone got on the Wikipedia earlier. Yeah, dude. There's not a lot of Ians. No. It's a good name to have yeah man i just i like flying up the ranks i loved it on that documentary where he wore those little shorts that was my favorite part i saw him in those little shorts i was like yeah fuck with that dude i like i like those shorts Ace of Spades is fucking iconic Lemmy is tight

Lemmy's like an LA party legend dude He was getting hammered At the Rainbow Room Until he died And he was He did speed every day of his life I didn't know he was dead Owned a bunch of Nazi memorabilia

Sure Yep What's not to like? Weirdly enough Ian's into that. It's a weird thing. He's taking it back. Yeah, yeah. Is that not how you use that term?

It's actually, we were actually inverted. Oh, yeah. Flip the pancake. Now they're going on top of my head Let me have that big ass fucking like boil or whatever too That's time He didn't ever really raise his daughter But he put her through college and sent her money every week That's better than my dad did

For sure yeah yeah Seriously I'm not mad at the guy You want Lemmy coming to pick you up from school? No. Exactly. He did her a favor. Just send me the dough pops.

You chill out in those short shorts. I brought orange slices. Wait, Lemmy? Oh, no, shit. Sam, I thought it was Lemmy for a second. Thank you. It's crazy. Is that what you thought?

Call me Ian. Hawkwind was... Please, let me... It's my dad. Yeah. Good pick, Dave. Yeah, thanks, man. Good on you, bud.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I really like... In this one, it's a weird pick, I understand, but I just like it, man. Robert Duvall.

Yeah. I think Robert Duvall is the best actor of all time. He just seems like the funnest. He's just so cool as an old man, which is all I want to be is a cool-ass old man. I don't know if anybody heard what I said, but Ian certainly did in the look that I just got. What did he say?

You think Robert Duvall is the best actor of all time? I do. You do this shit to yourself, dude. I really do. Robert Duvall! Robert Duvall. What? I do. Nobody who was in Gone in 60 Seconds is the best actor of all time. They are, actually. It's Robert Duvall. The same guy that was in Colors.

That's your favorite actor? Yeah, I think I didn't say he's my favorite. I think he's the best actor of all time. You picked Robert De Niro! I know! You picked Robert De Niro. I know. You picked Robert De Niro. You come up with this Duvall trick? And I picked him.

I like the guy. Best actor of all time? Do I need to say it again? No, man. I mean, I feel you. Based on what, though, huh? I just honestly think he is. He's great in The Godfather.

He's just a great actor in everything he's in but what are you thinking of specifically the best actor? Colors is what I think of all the time when I think of Robert Duvall Colors is your favorite Robert Duvall movie? it's pretty solid it was a Sean Penn vehicle or a Chris Penn whatever

he didn't do anything it definitely wasn't Chris Penn he didn't do anything in Colors he just. No. He didn't do anything in colors. He just rode around like, oh, yeah, they call you the Pac-Man. That's crazy. I do a pretty good Robert Duvall, actually. Do it.

I'm Robert Duvall. I mean, to be fair, that's the best Robert Duvall impersonation I've ever heard one of my friends do. The best impersonation of the greatest actor of all time. Tell me which of these movies makes you think that he's the best actor ever. And I will remind you, the best actor ever.

Ever. The Judge. Jack Reacher. Crazy Heart. Yeah, you were really Jack. You were Jack Reacher. No. The Godfather 2 video game, 2009.

Four Christmases. He's great in Four Christmases. He plays Vince Vaughn's dad. He's funny in that. Kicking and Screaming. That movie was good. That movie was good. Second Hand Lions.

Also a pretty good movie. Gods and Generals. Which one? Gone in 60 Second a pretty good movie. Gods and Generals. Which one? Gone in 60 Seconds. Great movie. Playing the role of Spurgeon Tanner in Deep Impact. He's great in that movie. The Apostle?

No. Slingblade? Slingblade was a good ass movie. Yeah, yeah. Phenomenon? I've never seen Slingblade. Demo-French Rotators. Newsies? Playing Joseph like that. Newsies?

Playing Joseph Pulitzer in Newsies? Days of Thunder? Yes, dude. He's amazing in Days of Thunder. A movie called The Handmaid's Tale

that earnestly looks like softcore porn from 1990? Might have been. I made a lot of handmaids to that movie. If you know what I mean. From 1990? Might have been. I made a lot of handmaids to that movie. You almost had him back!

Oh, I've got him. We're all friends now. Parkway Theater, 8 o'clock. You idiot. I love it. Alright, Robert Duvall, David. Yeah. Sam, time for your third pick. Alright, everyone.

Put your wigs on and bite down tight because I've got... God, you're dope. You are so dope. Okay, everybody. Now, this one might come as a surprise to you, but I grew up on punk rock music, you know? Big fan of the genre, the art form, the culture.

Sam taught me about the misfits. I did, yep. I gave him double luck. Fun little fact. When you sang that song where he's like, I got something to say. I killed a to say. I killed a baby today.

I get knocked down. I'm not getting up again. You're never going to keep me down. I get knocked down. I'm not getting up again. No, you're never going to keep me down. Yeah, but if you had told me that was going to happen to me when I woke up today, I would not have believed you. Peace in the night away.

Yeah, crass ruled. Piss in the night away. He drinks a whiskey drink. He drinks a lager drink. He drinks a cider drink. He drinks a lager drink. What do you sing? He sings the songs that remind him of the good times.

What else do you do? He sings the songs that remind him of the bad times. How did that happen? What? The car me, dude. I was talking about... The car me is wrong. I thought that Sam invented that song because I didn't think anybody made a song

about killing a baby. And then you guys sang that song. Chumba Wumba. Now we're out there. Now we're tub thumping. Chumba Wumba. Chumba Wumba. Killing a baby's not even the worst part of that song

yeah is it not no oh the mother thing they already don't like me I'm not singing it but uh yeah

I got something to say oh yeah yeah yeah no no no no I'm going with Ian McKay everyone oh yeah Ian McKay I don't know

uh yep Minor Threat Fugazi. A lot of skate videos. A lot of skate videos. $5 shows, no merch. Sure. I've built my entire career on that. Besides the no merch thing, I'm selling merch after

the show. If anyone wants to buy a visor, come on up. All right. Ian will sign it. Yeah, yeah. I will. it. Yeah, yeah. I will. Pretty good. Pretty good pick, everyone.

Thank you. I like that. Pretty good pick. Thank you. I mean, what can you say about Ian McKay, you know? He's better than Sam I am. He's better than Sam I am. There it is.

There it is. Aggressive. Can I order another beer from stage or have that? You already drank all those over there. Yeah, but you took... My God. Could we get six more beers? Yeah.

Can we just get a top hat filled with gin? Is there a... My drink. Can we get an envelope of whiskey up here? A manila envelope full of whiskey? I am delirious. Sean hasn't had one of these beers yet. You're working on it.

I'm pacing myself. Oh, it's time for my third pick. Everybody shut up. All right? You think I've never done this before? Mix a couple beers while you're ruining a podcast? Yeah, this is... Everybody shut up, all right? You think I've never done this before, huh? Mix a couple beers while you're ruining a podcast? Yeah, this is nothing new to me, all right?

This isn't coming out. It's coming out Halloween, everybody. What do we got? I don't know, dude. Okay, I've taken to David, I've taken a David. I've taken a Sean. Now you've taken a breath. I'm taking the God.

Currently enjoying a renaissance I'm taking Sam Elliott God damn it Fuck Oh Ty Ty Ty Ty Thank you man

Thank you very much. Eventually, we're going to have to pay the piper, but it's not tonight. Sam Elliott. I'm taking Sam Elliott. Who went to David Douglas High School in Portland, Oregon with my mother. No way.

Sam Elliott went to high school with your mother? Well, he was there a few years before because my mother's a spring chicken. I didn't know that. Sam Elliott. Sam Elliott. You got a good one. A star is born.

With Bradley Bruper. I'm in the deep end. Watch as I dive in. That part? What the fuck was that? I don't know what that was. Is that in Stars Born? That part.

That part. It's from Stars Born, yeah. Okay. It's Lady Gaga going like, She's like, I didn't know I could sing. Let me try. I don't care if I'm the only one who likes it. I like it.

Yeah, I'm sure I like it. I like everything you like. Sam Elliott. Why don't you get yourself a... Hey, you got a Sioux City Sarsaparilla? Sioux City Sperellum? Sioux City cessperellum? I would say something bad about Sioux City, but I'll get killed,

so I won't. Sioux City's gnarly. You can say it. Sioux City sucks, dude. You just signed your death warrant, playboy. Sioux City's real.

The man has a wind-bit leather face, and I love that. He's got a mustache for the ages. He can rock a hat. What? Was he the Marlboro Man?

No. No. What did you say? What did you just say? Oh, he played the Marlboro Man? Yeah, in that movie. Are you saying Marlboro? Marlboro.

All right. It sounded like you were saying Marlboro. We call them cowboy killers where I'm from. Weird thing to woo for. Sam Elliott! Cowboy killers! Sam Elliott is tight. His movie roles are iconic.

He's in A Star is Born. He's in The Big Lebowski. True. Who needs anything else? He's fucking awesome. Seriously. Fuck. It's my favorite pizza. None of us have ever seen the movie. Seriously. Fuck. It's my favorite pizza. None of us have ever seen the movie.

There he is. None of us have seen the movie Tombstone. There he is. None of us, none of us have seen Tombstone, especially Sean,

who for the second time this podcast is going to say, I got two guns here. One for each of you. I'm your huckleberry. In fact, you're so drunk, you're probably seeing double.

Four crusties. All right. Is it my turn again? No, you prick. Sean, it's time for your third and fourth picks I'm gonna pick David Letterman oh

fuck that's a good ass pick picking the old Letterman I love that gap tooth Indiana motherfucker man the greatest late night host of all time

in my opinion for real yeah whoa hey hey oh The greatest late night host of all time, in my opinion. For real. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You way. Hey, hey, hey. Oh.

Other than James Corden. Yeah. I want you to go to work on Monday. Other than James Corden. David Letterman is a prick. He was really mean to us when our show first started, and I respect him for it. Was he?

What happened? He was just mean on air, or what? He talked shit about James like on his show. Really? He was like, yeah, I don't know about this new guy. Like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He talked shit about us a couple different times. He's legendarily a prick. He fucking, at the

end, like, no, like for the last 10 years of his show, he didn't talk to any of his writers. Just the head writers would go in and talk to him and then relay all the messages back. He was holed up in his office. Just the head writers would go in and talk to him and then relay all the messages back. He was holed up in his office. He was a famous shut-in.

And even with that being true, he was the funniest, most charming late-night host I've ever seen. Man. I've ever seen. That was very legit and real right there. He used to fuck people up, too. He used to fuck people up. If you came on and he didn't respect you.

Oh, my God. When Paris Hilton went on? Dog. He's to fuck people up. If you came on and he didn't respect you. Oh my God. When Paris Hilton went on. Dog. He's so. Man. I watched that dude sometimes. I fucking love that. I watched him tie people in knots.

I really fucking like him. He was a fucking. He was a legend. He was amazing. I love David Letterman. He was like. What we do. He was nice.

Everything. So like. Working in late night. Everything. Every like new idea we want to do. Where we're like. What if we do an episode in an airplane where we're just flying in an airplane and we shoot the whole thing up

there and then it's like, oh, Letterman did that. Every new idea we have, Letterman did it. He did shit that was very smart and he did shit that was very stupid. He just did Will It Float. That was a whole idea. Fucking Will It Float was a whole late night idea. That's

crazy. They took a film and night idea. That's crazy. Well, there weren't as many options back then. And they saw if it floated. No, but there were a ton of options, but he just took the stupidest things. And he was tough. And he had the confidence to know that it would be funny. He was tough as hell. He could sit there and react to it. Did you see the late shift? I was totally going to say all that.

Yeah, he was like... No, he was... I just like... I earnestly love and it was like smarter comedy than Leno it was tougher comedy than Leno it was like the cooler show I think yeah fuck Leno before fuck Leno for sure double fuck

Leno Leno fucked people twice dog he fucked Letterman and Conan like fuck a Leno dude forever and ever forever and ever before I ever worked in late night Letterman was my favorite

and then once I started working in late night and I knew what the challenges were he just became my favorite tenfold like it was fucking he's the best

there's ever been better than Carson better than all like for real like the best there's ever been I honestly couldn't have said any of that.

That was rad. I would have been like, yeah, he's dope. No, that was a real little... He's dope, but his name's David, you know? Sean just likes Indiana. In my bedroom, I have four men's faces. David Borey. My own.

My own. Andre 3000. Big boy. David Letterman My own. Andre 3000. Big boy. David Letterman. Those are the four. It'd be funny if David Letterman wasn't one. Parts the same except it's Andre. My own.

Sam Rockwell. All right. So for number four, I'm going. What's up? You got this. I'm going from the heart. I'm picking Sean Daly, who is Slug from Atmosphere. That's who I'm going... What's up? I'm going from the heart. I'm picking Sean Daly, who is Slug from Atmosphere.

That's who I'm picking. And it had to be... I know there's more notable Seans. I understand that. It's not a pandering thing. He's always been my favorite Sean ever since I knew that his name was actually Sean. And I'm almost crying saying it,

but I'm going to tell the story about the one time I met him. I want you to be your favorite Sean. Oh, man. That'd be crazy. So I met him one time. Did you guys kiss? Yeah. I tried.

He pie-faced me. Tight. Tight, tight, tight. So I was at a show. I went to do a show in Sioux Falls, and my friend Jason was like, he could only pay me a little bit, and I'm like,

well, I can't really do it. And he goes, what if I introduce you to Slug? And I'm like, well, yeah, then obviously I'm going to come hang out. So that fell through. He couldn't introduce me. So my friend Dan

snuck me backstage. It did. What a hilarious way to tell that story. The story's not done. The story ain't done. So my friend Dan brought me backstage to, it was Slug and Prof and Dem Atlas were playing in Sioux Falls,

and we watched Slug finish the show, and he came off stage, and my friend Dan goes, hey, this is my friend Sean, and he goes, hey, what's up? And then he just walked away, and Dan's like, I tried, man, I'm sorry. And then Slug came back, and he looked right, he goes, hey, what's up? And then he just walked away. And Dan's like, I tried, man. I'm sorry. And then Slug came back. And he looked right. He goes, I'm so sorry. My name's Sean.

And he shook my hand. And he was so cool. And he's like, do you want to come take a photo? And had his merch guy take a photo and everything. So it was just one of the coolest things that's ever happened to me. And he was one of the most genuine, cool people. Came back and did that. So yeah, Sean Daly.

Yeah, those six words sounded genuine as hell. So there it is you fucking love atmosphere I do it comes up a lot well for a reason because in big ways

talk about it man it very much impacted my life so when my girlfriend at the time cheated on me my dad

you're cool you were what you were like 22 23 about 24 and like to not to not drag anyone through the mud but like at the time cheated on me. You're cool! You were what? You were like 22, 23? About 24. And to not drag anyone through the mud, but it did happen

where I got cheated on and I tore my knee. Talk about it. My dad died in the same month and all I listened to, it's okay, but all I listened to was Atmosphere

and they are that for me. I'm going to start bawling. This is crazy. Well, the worst part was your girlfriend cheated on you with your dad. That's what hurt the was your girlfriend cheated on you with your dad that's what hurt the most she cheated on me

with atmosphere and I still love him yeah no yeah it was just they were so important to me for such like a

very important time in my life that I needed something and that's what they were and so yeah I'll buy everything they do for the rest of my life even if I don't like it

which is crazy because I'll like everything they ever do but I'm serious. I'm almost crying. Let's, yeah. Anyway,

it's, yeah. And since we're doing it, this is fucking awesome. Everybody here is so rad. This is so cool. Getting to sit up here, chill with my friends,

it's just amazing. All right, all right, I'll stop. My fifth pick, I will cry on my fifth pick. I guarantee it. Anyway, Sean Daly, bro. I just try to get hard. It's my turn? Returning a punt.

I just want people to this be the first episode they ever listen to and they're like, well, why was that funny? I had withdrawn in forest and my song was swallowed up in leaves that blew away. And to the forest edge you came one day. That was my dream. And looked and pondered long,

but did not enter, though the wish was strong. You shook your pensive head, as who should say. I dare not too far in his footsteps stray. He must seek me, would he undo the wrong. Not far but near I stood and saw it all behind low boughs the trees let down outside and the sweet pang it cost me not to call and tell you that i

saw does still abide but tis not true that thus i dwell to loof for the wood wakes and you are here for proof. Tyrese. Robert Frost, motherfuckers. The great American poet Robert Frost. People often call him The great American poet, Robert Frost. People often call him the Tyreese of the East Coast. So I understand. A lot of people call him that.

Yeah. I remember the first time I heard that. No, that was dope. Scarcely, if ever, has a poet captured both the open wide wilderness and the claustrophobic interiors of American life. Like Robert Frost. He's fucking fantastic. If you like poetry, you like Robert Frost.

That motherfucker's a real G, dude. He's fucking amazing. G'd up from the feet up, as they say. Yeah, yeah. Jeans on Team Strong. He invented that. Yeah. He's no John Cheever.

Robert Frost invented Jeans on Team Strong. He said, upon my thick thighs lay a denim curtain He said upon my thick thighs Lies a denim curtain It's crazy And I have mine peoples with me For that I am certain It's almost a bummer how funny you are And I have mine peoples with me, for that I am certain.

It's almost a bummer how funny you are. It really is. We were just sitting, Ian just said, he was just speaking in a British accent. And I was just like, fuck man, you're funny. And it's just frustrating sometimes. It really is. I don't know anything about that pick. You don't know Robert Frost.

I don't. Not one thing. Well, that's on you. That's not on me. Is that the two roads? That's on you. That's not on me. Did he have the two roads? Two road diversion of wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all

the difference. No, I took fake, man. I'm trying to get where I'm going. David, you really have taken the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference. No, I took fake, man. I'm trying to get where I'm going. David, you really have taken the one less traveled by. Have I? Yes. Robert Frost has sung

a song about your life long before you were even born. I don't know what's happening. I have no idea what's going on. Anyway, my picks are made. Sam? That was a great pick.

Thank you, dog. Sam, it's time for your fourth pick, doggy. I'm taking a Robert. My man over here. Robert Mondavi. Mondavi Wine. Yes! I never heard that name in my life.

Oh, dude. I have no idea who that is. You never got the old big bag and played slap the bag? Oh. Yeah, dude. You used to love slapping the bag. Loved it, man. Yeah.

Oh, my God. When we were kids, this dude is a bag slapper from way back. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. When we were in high school, he loved that shit. It was slapping bags and drinking out of gas cans. That was his shit. That was his shit.

Remember when we were kids? We didn't know we were supposed to wash out the gas can first. No, we didn't. We drank a lot of gasoline. Dude. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline.

A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline.

A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline.

A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline.

A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline.

A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline.

A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gasoline. A lot of gas. God.

Yeah. Gasoline screwdrivers I just heard for the first time in my life. Yeah, for sure. Dan Starkovich's house. Passing out in the front yard. I was just talking about Starkovich's house when he had sex with Jamie Gilbert on the pool table. Hey, ho, hey, ho. Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.

That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. I'm sorry. that's crazy, that's crazy. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's a dumb button on that one. The point is that Sam loves box wine. He does love it.

Robert Mondavi, one of the first major wine producers in the United States of America. Yeah, yeah. Earl Simmons carrying on the tradition. Yeah. He invented the screw cap wine bottle. Yeah, hell yeah indeed, motherfuckers, yeah. Now who do you like, huh? Sam T,

that's right. Man of the people. Earl Simmons is DMX, yeah. Both a high culture and a low culture hero. Yep. Vastly helped to bring wine culture to the United States. He got Steinbeck drunk on wine for the first time. And that's where Tortilla Flats

came from. Oh, what? He reads a bad Robert Frost poem? You guys lose your minds. Alright. I mentioned the greatest American author, Steinbeck. That's not true, though. That's not where that came from. I'm just saying. John Cheever. Is Steinbeck the greatest American author? I'll put him up there.

I thought it was Christopher Slim. Bro. Tucker Max, dude. I hope they serve beer in hell bro Nicky Six I hope they serve beer in hell Tommy Lee

Dr. Seuss number one of course I am Sam we should start a book club our book club would be the easiest

book club yeah we just want you to read an ESPN magazine everyone it would be the Lil' Kim autobiography.

Yeah. Putting them on the glass. She wrote them on these napkins. It's just her real name and that's the whole book. Like, yeah, there you go. Read the comments of Kimmy Granger's property sex thing on YouPorn. What? Deep cuts with Carmel

Whose turn is it? Who knew what I was talking about? I did not No, people know, people know Everyone with pruned fingers in the air Yeah, that's it I don't even know what that means We're not gonna shame Jack enough

Not on this show David We're not gonna shame It's time for your fourth and fifth picks, Bubby I love shame My fourth and fifth? Wait Areby. I love shame, Jack. My fourth and fifth? Wait, are you sure it's not just my fifth? Fourth and fifth. Well, you took Sean Puffy Combs,

Lemmy, and Robert Duvall. Yeah, fourth and fifth. Shit. I forgot about me! I forgot about David's! Okay, the next one I had was Samuel L. Jackson, obviously. Yeah, yeah.

I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this. And you will know my name is the Lord. Another Robert Frost poem. As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I take a look at my life and realize there's nothing left because I've been clanging and banging in the iron gym so long, bro. Even mama thinks that my life is gone, but I never crossed a man who didn't deserve it.

Me be treated like a punk you know that's unheard of. You better watch how you're talking and where you're walking or you and your homies might be lined in chalk. I really hate the trip, but I got it, though. Something about pistol smoke. As I cope, I see myself in the pistol smoke.

Fool. I'm the kind of G the little homies want to be like on my knees in the night saying prayers in the streetlight. Keep sparing the most of our lives living in the gangster's paradise. I know you know the lyrics, Sam.

No, that guy who says the hook looks like a drawing of the wind. Power and the money. Money and the power. Minute after minute. I'm not doing it. Hour after hour. I'm not doing it. I just, Coolio gets on my fucking nerves, bro.

Just like as a dude, he just hella gets on my nerves. Slide, slide, but that's the fact. I got some brand new for that ass. I like the song. He's an asshole about that song. He got all mad when Weird Al made that hilarious song. Yeah, that was whack, yeah. Gotta run.

Oh, that Stevie Wonder song you remixed, Can't Be Touched. He spent the most time of his life living in a pastime paradise. Yeah, man. Coolio gets on my fucking nerves. He's what? He's got a juggalo tattoo. Yeah, they love him. First of all, I think you guys need to understand, 80% of the people me and Sam grew up with have juggalo tattoos.

Yeah, what's wrong with juggalo riders, bitch? Hell yeah, JRB, motherfucker! Yo, you go to Elbert County Jail and you diss the jugg Hell yeah. JRB, motherfucker. You go to Elbert County Jail and you diss the Juggalos. What's up, bro? You're getting stuck, bud. What's up, bro? Go to the fucking trusty pot.

Travis Reagan. It's going to say JRB in that bitch. And it's going to say David Borey Pete here because I scratched my name on the glass in jail. JRB. Sam's been to that jail. Hell yeah. All right. A's been to that jail? Hell yeah. All right.

A guy that went to high school with us took David to that jail one time. That was a fun car ride. They took me to that jail on my birthday. You remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. May 5th. I got out by the time the party happened, though. The party that was at Sam's house.

I love you, buddy. I love you, too. Anyways. Land the plane. That got real weird. Land the plane. I once paid my own money to go to an ICP show. Money that I earned.

Hell yeah, man. Wacky circus game. Yeah, yeah. Anyways, Dave Chappelle. Yeah, yeah. True. Anyways, Dave Chappelle. Yeah, yeah.

True. I opened for him one time, not to brag, but kind of brag. So did he. I opened for him one time, and he said, like, we were hanging out, and Harrison Barnes was in the audience. Really? And he looked outside, and I was like, yo, Harrison Barnes is out there. And Dave Chappelle said to me, I can't let these dudes from the Warriors see my shenanigans and it's like that's one of the funniest things I ever heard

somebody say in real life it was so it was so fucking funny dude I was like yeah you deserve all the money they pay you it was so fucking funny dude that's awesome I was like yeah you deserve all the money they pay you it was like it was so funny I opened for him once and we

didn't talk at all same for me when I opened for him he did not say a word to me but he gave me an ounce and a half of weed after the show I just went out and did stand up and then I was escorted out like when David opened up for the Wayans brothers.

Oh yeah, the Wayans brothers wouldn't let me meet them. They wouldn't let me in the green room. And then I had to bail. David also opened for Keith Sweat once. Yeah, that was like two months ago. God, that's awesome. No, no, no, no. I opened for Babyface. Babyface, yeah. I opened for Babyface.

Remember the twins? Which ones? We opened for Ying Yang. Oh, we opened for Ying Yang twins. Yo,. I open for baby face. Baby face, yeah. I open for baby face. Remember the twins? Which ones? We open for yin-yang. Oh, we open for yin-yang twins. Yo, we open for cool people. We're all right. Yin-yang twins are sad, though. They are not happy now.

Despite what these people think of me, we're doing okay. You know what I mean? Everybody in here loves you because you're dope. That little yin-yang yang, that dude gets wasted. He drank an entire bottle of Patron and his legs don't work. He doesn't. He's got like hip bursitis or something and he couldn't walk good. That's not funny. That's all their new songs.

It was like watching Josh Blue walk a tightrope. It was wild. Holy buckets. He's from here. Not the Ying Yang twins, obviously. I thought Josh Blue was a Denver guy. No, no, he's from here. St. Paul.

I didn't know that. Shout out to Josh Blue, man. Yeah, Josh Blue's... He's dope, man. He's a big fan of the pod. Sorry, Josh. No, dude, that dude's cool as hell, man. Me and Franny, we've been wasting this dude.

Yeah, I know. He's cool as hell. Oh, man, I think he would have laughed at that joke if he was here. Oh, yeah. You know, Josh is a great guy. Yeah. You know, he's a great comedian, Paralympic athlete. He's raised two kids.

Never above his own head. So, okay. Okay. In the sake of time. That's an insanely great joke, all right? Yeah. You're all welcome, okay? Oh, man, you are funny as hell, boy.

Hell yeah. Is it my turn? I think it's my turn again, right? Okay. Now, you're probably all expecting... Yeah, tell a joke that doesn't involve a... Well, you guys are probably expecting me... Josh Blue would laugh at the...

He loves that joke. Yeah, he does love that joke. Come on, we're old friends. We go skiing. Now... You're probably expecting me to take David Duke right here, but no, okay? I'm... Nora Koresh, all right.

Ah, Nora Koresh. Look, we're picking our favorite Davids, right? That's what we're doing? That's the move right here? That's the move. Our favorite Davids, and if I'm picking my favorite David, there's only one David I'm picking,

and that's my man, Sar David Borey, right over there. David Borey! I love him! Hell yeah! The best man at my wedding, right there,

David Borey. The worst best man in the game. I love him dearly. His suit didn't fit. Day of the wedding, he had to drive an hour and a half away to get a new one. David Borey, everybody. Love him dearly. If he needs a kidney, I'll find him one.

I fucking love that guy. Yeah. I love you. I love you so much I can't see straight. And if you know me, that's about as good as it gets. Or that means the diabetes is active. I smell syrup. Just when you thought Sam was going to say something not offensive,

and then he just, you know, the diabetes. I love you too, buddy. You know that this is like the, I hate doing this in front of people. I know. Do it, dog. Do it. I care about you very much. You've been my best friend since the ninth grade.

I know. My wife loves you. My family loves you. We're all proud of you. Same here. I'm glad for you. Your family is not proud of me. Let's not lie about that.

All right? Sarah's not calling you up being like, we got to go see David in New Orleans. No, that's not. No, your family is coming. I love you. We love you. I hate this.

Let's all right. It's very difficult. So I'm taking David. Oh, I almost cry. Do more. It means a lot to me. It does mean a lot to me. I just don't know how to

heavy D. All these people are looking. I don't like it. I don't make me sit in this. It's fair. I don't like it. Don't make me sit in this. It's very... I don't like it. No, you're good, man. Everyone's looking at me

and almost crying. All right. Okay, it's my turn to pick. Let's hear it. Do it. What are you thinking? You guys are pretty good friends, huh? Don't.

Guys, I gotta go if you... No, I can't. I'm okay with my emotions. I love him. I'm not. It's hard. My chin is quivering. You've been pretty good friends since high school, right?

Yeah, since ninth grade. Because he had... Dude, this is... Why? How did you become friends? We were in line together. He said, my name's Sam. He had a bunch of money. I said, where'd you get all that money?

He said, I get by. And I was like, yeah, I'll hang out with this kid. I've heard that story quite a few times, and it's always dope. I get by. And you guys were on the football team together, right? Yeah, we were on the football team together. I was all state.

David was ineligible. You know, it was great. Two weeks sophomore year I was ineligible. Fuck you, Miss McHugh. Yeah, fuck Miss McHugh. Yeah, fuck Miss McHugh. Yeah, she sucked. I wish. What are you, I don't, I don't.

No, she was hot as hell, man. Hell yeah. She was hot. Big fat stack. All right. But David and I, we've known each other forever. I love him dearly, and you guys are lucky to have him. Just like you're lucky to have Sean and Ian.

This is a great part of the band. I just, thank you. Glad to be here. I listen. I listen. I love it. I'm wiggling and giggling. I didn't mean to put you guys on the spot. I just know how wonderful your friendship is. I wanted you to talk about it a little bit more. I'm sorry. I wanted you to talk about it a little bit more.

He's beautiful. He's the reason I'm even doing this in front of you guys. I didn't ever want to do comedy. He told me I could do it. So hey, you're all fucking welcome. All right? How about that? Yeah.

The sleeper cell, Sam T. I got him in the game. Yeah. No, he's my favorite comedian. I'm the best one. I think I feel super lucky that I get to travel the country and do stuff with a dude I've known my whole life. It's just, I'm very thankful.

We shared a bed two nights ago. Two nights ago. Yeah. And I'm glad that it's not- There wasn't a lot of sleeping going on. But there was creeping. Oh, yeah. The point, I don't know, man.

I love you a lot. This is- That's enough. Yeah, I don I don't know, man. I love you a lot. This is... That's enough. Yeah, I don't do this. I do. I appreciate that a lot. That'll do. I'll hug him tonight

at 5 a.m. when I'm drunk as shit. I'll be like, I love you so much. And I'll hug him. Don't think that I don't care. It's just weird. That'll do, pig.

You're going to try drinking tonight, aren't you? You're going to switch it up a little bit? Yeah, I'm going to drink for the first time ever. From the Lord of the Rings, I'm taking Sir Ian McK the first time ever. From the Lord of the Rings,

I'm taking Sir Ian McKellen. Yeah. Yeah! I was going to take, I was going to take him first. I got a high standard for Ian's. And he's the only one who makes the cut.

I was going to say, he was like the main, he was the first one I thought and then I was like, it's too easy. No, just like, no, not like. That's how I felt about a lot of Ian's pics. The point is

I like his late in life I've done two things. I founded this fucking podcast. Is this the motherfucking things I get? I started this fucking podcast Is this the motherfucking Thanks I get? I started this gangster shit I started this AFE shit

And this is the motherfucking Thanks I get? I do two things, okay? On this fucking podcast A, I came up with a whole ass idea And B, I take the obvious picks So you fucking sparrows Can take the fucking S so you fucking sparrows can take the fucking silly little fucking fringe picks that make you seem interesting.

All right? You don't have to be mean to me. Damn. That hurt, dude. All right? That actually did hurt my feelings. Oh, no. I'm sorry.

I didn't know. That was a bummer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know what? I'm just doing the thing. I didn't know. That was a bummer. No, no, no, no, no, no. You know what? I'm just doing the thing. I don't really mean it. It was a bummer when you said sparrows. No, no, no, no.

That made me cry less than I'm already going to with my next pick. Also, I'm playing the heel. That's what I'm doing. You know, you got to have good guys if you only get bad guys. I'm eating it for the fucking people. 107 episodes in a row or whatever the fuck, all right? Yeah, in a row, too. No, I miss episodes all the time.

I miss... Also, like, you know, I mean, I'm joking about all that other shit, but, like, Ian McKellen's cool. Oh, he's dope as shit, dude. He's a fucking... He's a knight, dude. Yeah, he's a fucking knight.

He killed a dragon. Oh, McKellen? Yeah, McKellen's... Have you seen his relationship with Patrick Stewart? Hell yeah. So fun. It's the only thing that gets me hard anymore is those guys playing racquetball. Dude, he's gay

as fuck. He's a knight as fuck. He's a good actor as fuck, dude. He's like everything. What else do you want? Not really any misses on that, dude. No, Ian McKellen's fucking tight as fuck, dude. I ride for Ian McKellen. I ride with Ian McKellen. I would ride Ian McKellen. Whatever he wants.

Side saddle. Whatever he wants out of me. I don't know what that means, but it seems like a cool sex to have. Looking at my little list here. Sean Jordan, let's start with your final pick. I'm going to pick Ian Carmel. All right.

Yeah. You know. Yeah. I mean, it helped. Yeah, of course. Of course. He's just dope. I mean, you know.

Somebody else talk about Ian for a little bit also can I say can I say like I guess three years ago at Bridgetown

we were all drunk sitting together and we talked about how we think Tupac was overrated and you were like and you were wrong then now I'm not crying

shut the fuck up Sean we talked about how Tupac is overrated and to pimp a butterfly isn't as good as everyone thinks. But then you were like, I completely agree with that. But then after that, you were like, hey, man, I'm doing this podcast. I would really like it if you were on it all the time, like a lot. And I was like, yeah, sure.

And I didn't think anything of it. Because you do so many podcasts, you're like, okay, sure. And I didn't think anything of it. Like, you know, because you do so many podcasts, you're like, okay, whatever. And then it grew into this thing, and you allowed me and Sean to be on the ride with you. And I think it's, like, really beautiful. And I'm, like, super thankful that we have it. So. It's not the alcohol. I'm crying because I'm emotional.

I didn't just do it for you. You guys made me double my emotional output today. Like, I'm exhausted. You know. You know. Thank you. You gonna cry? I am.

You gonna cry? I'm in the present. I love you too, mama. It's an actual tear. Anyway, you guys all get it. You guys all get it. He's just my man. He's helped

me with everything. It's an actual tear. Anyway, there it is it's crazy that this is a real thing it's crazy that this is a real thing that any of us get to do that anybody gives a shit

that we're here it's just amazing so seriously from the bottom of all of our hearts and yeah just going off the hill just thank you

for everything also Sam can I get that picture back I feel I feel like when I talked about you at High Plains it was a little more eloquent

cause you weren't crying you piece of shit I'm trying I'm trying alright alright alright you're a professional writer you don't crying. You piece of shit. I'm trying. I'm trying. All right, all right, all right. You're a professional writer. You don't do that to him.

I just keep crying. Don't do that to him. You've written for Tom Cruise. He reads Archie comics. You piece of shit. I've stopped crying like four different times. So when I was sitting at Dante's, this shitty bar in Portland, and sitting there about to do this comedy show,

and Ian came up, sat down, and we were watching basketball, and immediately, we talked for like 10 seconds. I was like, this is my dude. Like, we're gonna be fast friends, and he's like a brother to me. And you always will be. And now I'm crying again.

No! Six times. You were better at it than I am. and he's like a brother to me and you always you always will be and now I'm crying again no six times you were better at than I am I apologize Sean Sean had just moved to Portland

made it better should I and I had just started doing stand up but yeah we were at Dante's and there was a basketball game on and you pretended

to know more about basketball than you did that's all you gotta do you just gotta lie about shit, you know? Fake it till you make it. Is Keith Van Horn still playing?

I was crying then too. Is Keith, is Sean Bradley in the game? I'm a big Greg Ostertag fan. You've been my best friend since that night and you'll be my best friend until the day I die.

I love you. Look at that. And David, you've been my best friend since the day we met, and you'll be my best friend until the day you die before me. All right? Yeah, so. We've been best friends since the day we met, and honestly, I'm over it.

Man, this show was great. It started funny and then it got somber. It's like a Chris Kattan headlining set. It's wild. Speaking of which, just to recap,

David, you went first. David, you went first. You took Sean Puffycombs. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Who looks just like you, bud. Yeah, dolphin noises. You took Robert Duvall.

You took Samuel L. Jackson. Oh, yeah. You took Ian Lemmy Kilmeister. Hell yeah. And you took Dave Chappelle. Oh. I'll stand behind it. Good lineup, man.

Sam, you one second you took he's so funny it really is dude you took the hotly contested pick of there's not even there's just a bunch of blood on the paper right now The hotly contested pick of... There's not even... There's just a bunch of blood on the paper right now.

Sam I.M. I thought he would fly off the shelves. I didn't know. No, we know what you thought. You took Sean Kemp. Thank you. Hell yeah. You took Ian McKay.

Who doesn't even pronounce his first name right. Yeah, everything about him is pretentious. All right. You took Robert Mondavi. Thank you. And then you took Sarbori. There it is. I went third.

I took David Bowie, Sean J.Z. Carter, Sam Elliott, Robert Frost, and Sir Ian McKellen. True. Sean Jordan went last, and with the winning draft, he took Robert De Niro, Sam Rockwell, David Letterman, Atmosphere, and born October 9th, 1984 in a

little hospital in Milwaukee, Oregon Ian Carmel. There it is. This is the best. This is the coolest thing in the world. Come on, man. No. That would take it all away.

Okay. Dave, you know what that means. Drop him down. Push your panties to the side. You catch David digging out Sam later. We have some good people on the board. Ian McShane, Ian Curtis from Joy Division. Ian Fleming, the author of Bond.

Every Bond book. David Duchovny, David Fincher, David Mamet, David Sedaris. Sean Concon. That was the only one on my list. Sean Connery. Yeah, yeah. Sean. Jordan.

Right? Oh, well, I've already been picked. I've already been picked in a previous draft. I couldn't take Sean again. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, but I would have. I would have. Sean Paul.

Died crying. We forgot Sam Bowie. Was that one of the greatest sins? Yes. Sam Bowie? Yeah. Are you serious? Yes.

You're not fucking with me? One of the greatest. That's a bad call. Sam Bowie. No. Are you serious? Yes. You're not fucking with me? One of the greatest. That's a bad call. Sam Bowie. No, that's not. Great draft pick. Samuel Langhorne Clemens. The next Miles guy.

David Duchovny. Sam Cooke. Oh, Sam Cooke. Sam Smith. Robert Downey Jr. Pray. Everybody prays in the end. And then we just all army crawl out of here. We want to hear your picks.

Please. Yes. Make sure you send them to us at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. Send us emails at allfantasypodcasts at gmail. Please. Yes. Make sure you send them to us at all fantasy pod on Twitter. Send us emails at all fantasy podcast at gmail dot com. What it is. Shout out to the all fantasy everything

subreddit. Yuck. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Shout out to super producer Marissa. The best. Yeah.

Hell yeah. And hey shout out to these guys Come on they're the best in the game David Borey Ian Carmel Sean Jordan Uh oh

Shout out to Frankie Ocean Shout out to Sid the Dude Shout out to Haji Beats And more important than all of that Tupac More important Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that. More important. More important than all of that. More important than shout out to Sam Talent, ladies and gentlemen. More important than all of that.

Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all... next week for another brand new episode of all... Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all... Fantasy everything. Shacklackity! that was a hate gun podcast