All Fantasy Everything - Fantasies (w/ Shane Torres, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

AFE ft. Chris "Ludacris" Bridges & Shane Torres. We draft fantasies with a VERY special guest popping in at the end.Episode Guest:Shane Torres @shanetorres IG: @syrupmountain Tour dates hereSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting fantasies because it's all fantasy everything and it's about damn time. Returning to us today is our friend,

comedian, Lothario, bombaclot, Shane Torres. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And as always, I'm joined by my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's do it. Welcome to another episode of All Fantasy Everything. I am Ian Carmel, and with me as always are David, the Lothario Borey, and Sean, soon to be a father, Jordan. And in the sound booth, the one the one the only Marissa Melnick our special guest

oh man it's gonna leave me out I said I was Ian Carmel no but I'm you oh no no you now they're confused my fantasy's to be Ian Shane you're at Acme have you gone down to Sioux Falls And tried the festivities

Have you gone down and sampled Chiswick And went to the bowling alleys I've told you He did get COVID So those are the festivities Those are the festivities Kristi Noem's got things under control I don't think you got COVID in South Dakota

She's got it under control 11 years ago I told you when we became friends that I would never go to Sioux Falls, and I'm right. I'm not going. We've kept that going so far. You will go there at one point. What, is it going to be the only place left with water?

Because that's the only reason I'm going there. Yeah. You win. Might be. Also the only place that tried to not make mlk day a holiday so there's that that's a real thing yeah i just it's like i think it's like two other states so i don't think it's just something i think arizona got in on that action too yeah we're in decent company huh god damn it your state sucks Boston tried to call itself a state and they did the same thing

Boston tried to make it Larry Bird's mustache day and well that still is a day that should be a day it just shouldn't be that day it shouldn't be that day they also give it a full month too unlike MLK yeah

Sean do you remember like the first day you moved to Los Angeles and we went to that bar They give it a full month too. Unlike him. Yeah. Sean, do you remember like the first day you moved to Los Angeles and we went to that bar over on York and the bartender looked exactly like, like a five foot eight young Larry bird. Do I remember the first day I moved to LA? I got to LA. Then you were like, let's have a day.

And then we, you took me down to, uh, whatever that late check cafe, late day. And then, yeah, we got those horchata coffees. And then we walked down the street and we sat at that bar. You took me down to whatever that cafe leche. Cafe de leche. Yeah, we got those horchata coffees.

And then we walked down the street. We sat at that bar. Sean, do you know what leche means? Milk, my friend. Okay, good. Yeah. I speak more Spanish than you. Fucking try to front.

Don't even think you speak more Spanish than me. Don't try to front. I don't think that you do either. Yeah. Give us a word. Give us a word. Give us a word. Give us a word. You Give us a word Give us a word Piscina Well no I don't know what that means

No that's pellicula Patsarastro Barracho Drunk Cerveza Just go to his wheelhouse Read the Corona bottle The Barracho muchacho sean jordan

anyway yeah the dude looked like larry bird and then we went to that place on verdugo and uh and then we got zanko chicken it was first time i ever had zanko because i hadn't eaten all day you're like have you eaten i was like nope ate tequila all day with you and then we got chicken and i think we were both in bed by like eight and you had to work the next day which is astonishing to me that you used to be able to do that. It was a nice, responsible evening by two young men in the city of Los Angeles. That's when you were partying really hard. A new 35.

That was right in the wheelhouse. That was right in the wheelhouse, dude. Boot and rally. Oh, fuck. My tea kettle's going. Hold on one second. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And that's who we are now yeah that's slang by the way and that's who we are now oh heavens my tea kettle's going oh what shall i do i got a tea bag right here corn blats dude oh is that no that oh i love that deli it's so good it's a good it's a good bagel. It's a fine Reuben and it's a jar of pickles on every table. Yeah, I love it. Great pickles. Actually, do you remember that dumb bit I used to do about my grandmother dying to slam this clam thing?

Yeah, I do. That's where we went and had breakfast. The next day was cornbread. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You met her. Old.

I thought you were going to talk about your dumb bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you met her, old Red. I thought you were going to talk about your dumb bit, Everything Bagels. Oh, actually, that bit has been featured on Vulture as one of the best bits of the year, Ian Carmel. Wow. So, fuck yourself. How's that? Which Vulture?

The website or a bird that feasts exclusively on dead and dying? Carry on. Hold on one second. My guest is leaving. None of your business who. Oh. It's April Bear from NPR. Oh, Shane went dark.

He did have a guest. Damn, dude. In the telly? Like Cassidy? Just based on how David went to get his tea kettle, I assume that Shane's guest is like an NPR host who just stayed the night. Well, Frick, Sean S. Jordan is here. Sean Cougar Jelenmorden.

I like that. On dyslexic Twitter, dude. It's my hardcore band. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on regular Instagram. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Khaki Hat in real life. Is that what I'm seeing right now? Corduroy, baby.

She's corduroy. I've been wearing this thing out. Sweating. Corduroy shorts. Sweating. What's the business with you, dude? What's the latest? Man, going to kid classes.

Boy. Old girl, old baby in the womb caught the hiccups the other day. Scared the holy bejesus out of me it's like it feels like uh like a little edm concert going on in the belly it's like every four seconds that's how you got it every four seconds and uh it was buck and then it just happens and then you know i'm all like like super worried about anyway it's supposed to be all right. Called the doctor. Sean's talking about how he felt his baby hiccuping in Laura's womb the other day. Do you want to make a joke about alcoholism?

Yes, Sean. Okay. You're a shitty drunk. Moving forward. The baby is also, I also heard the baby playing video lottery in the womb. So it's crazy because when I was a kid,

they didn't let you used to let you smoke in there but laura's womb is holman's bar and grill on northeast 28th i heard real real loud i heard she talks to angels playing you know let me let me do this now just to so it doesn't come later i'll do these shout outs just so we can do it now shout out to fonz hardaway for being named teacher of the year jordan from willie and for being named fonz hardaway yeah how are you gonna not be teacher of the year rookie of the year that's tim hardaway's kid who couldn't shoot yeah and who holds several of his problematic beliefs shame on you, Fonz.

And also control with his car wash company. David, I'll need your assistance on this one. Congratulations, Jordan from Willie. Congratulations on the wedding. Oh, I hope your wife knows she got a player for life. And that's no bullshit. Shout out to Gilbert Rodriguez. Gifford's Flowers in Portland downtown.

Hit them up. Mother's Day is coming up. Shout out to Wesley. Bang, bang. Use Gifford. If you're in Portland downtown. Hit them up. Mother's Day is coming up. Shout out to Wesley. Bang, bang. Use Giffords. If you're in Portland and you need flowers, those are the flowers that you need. Don't be a fucking idiot. Use Giffords.

The queen don't listen. She's getting them for Mother's Day. This is a weird one. Shout out to Wesley. That's all they gave me. And then Ashley from Carson. Yeah, man. Let's never do those at the beginning of the podcast again.

What a waste of time. What a waste of time. What a waste of time. I'm coming down on you hard right now, dude. I thought it was a good way to squeeze him in before we're in a rush at the end. I'm coming down on you hard right now, dude. That's an end of the podcast thing, and you just decided to put it at the beginning of the podcast?

Who made you God? You try. Who made you God, dude? Ian, do the recap of all the picks now since we're doing everything backwards all right well sean picked wasting all of our gd time on a saturday morning yeah and a really nice khaki and a really nice like sort of corduroy hat that's a good thing that i'm in that i'm in such a good mood all the time uh i'm excited to get the queen or first mother's day

flowers that's coming up that's really sweet that's really sweet yeah what are you going with yeah i believe the first mother's day is a switchblade as well yeah and a butterfly knife black and a butterfly knife yeah that's right the copper mother's day they call it the copper as in freeze copper and then you pull a knife on them yeah this is my zip gun I think some M80s are customary. Yeah, nothing. Shout out. So what you do is you put a lit Roman candle in the middle of the bouquet. And then when she smells it, big surprise.

Yeah, that's it. Or what if I got her like a blow dart? Ian, what would that sound like? Still got it. What if I got her a silencer wait yeah my vocal cords have changed with losing all this weight so i don't know i don't even know what i have in the fucking clip anymore is that true yeah it's weird that's cool yeah lou bega mambo normal five that's still there

that's all that matters that felt good that's all that matters i listened to the the monologue the other day and the um the b-52s guy i didn't know you had it like that oh i got fred schneider in the pocket dude copy of chrysler it sits about 20 that's been in there dude that's been in there. And then I'm working on a Tom Hanks. Tell me if this, everybody close your eyes. Tell me if you think Tom Hanks is in the room. Here we go. My eyes are closed.

Murder. There's no crying in baseball. A little bit? It's pretty good. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pitchy for me, dog. It's pitchy? Yeah, yeah, that's what I was going to say.

I think you just got to tone it, but the tone is right. Yeah. It's just the pitch is high. It's pitchy. There's it's pitchy all right yeah yeah that's what i was gonna say i think you just gotta tone it but it's the tone is right yeah it's just the pitch is pitchy there's no crying in baseball there's no crying in baseball yeah it's right about it in the middle there yeah give me a wilson give me a wilson wilson that's better yeah that's screaming it's it's more suited to you when he's yelling when he's at you're good at doing the uh when he's a little more animated like you're nailing it yeah yeah yeah well said now give me real quick give me a brad pitt what's in the box let's see what you got there what's in the box that's good what's in the fucking box and he turns into the joker for a minute i always thought they should do a popeye's chicken commercial where Brad Pitt was like, what's in the box?

And then that Popeye's chicken lady was like, Popeye's chicken, honey. That would have been funny to me. I like that. Well, it should be a limited run, though. Like Popeye's new seafood basket. Right, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It shouldn't be.

Love that chicken and seafood at Popeye's. And then, yeah. And then Kevin Spacey is still there. And we made it this year. David Borey is here. Coolguyshooks87 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter. How are you, buddy?

David, do some shout outs. Shout outs, David. But what are you talking about? I was just kidding. He was just drinking his Mountain Dew energy drink, bro. No, great joke in the beginning it wasn't a joke i'm serious do some shout outs why are you mountain dew rise it's so disgusting a can that looks like predator vision

it looks like the soda the fast and furious team went into after they got out of the game like did you ever have the kids at football practice who after school they would have Fast and Furious team went into after they got out of the game. Like, this is fucking insane. Did you ever have the kids at football practice who after school they would have, after practice, they would have like a Coca-Cola? Yeah. Where it's just like, what are you doing? That's what those kids are drinking. Gotta replenish those sugars.

Sean is drinking a, my call center shift started at 7 a.m. Energy drink. My bastard kid wouldn't stop crying all night. No, I had to sit here and sell... What did you sell? What did you sell? Like extra insurance to people, Sean? What did you sell? Sure. Yeah, all kinds of stuff.

Identity theft protection. Credit. Used to sell this shit where you basically could just check your credit report. You can do so many places for free. We used to... You could do it at the credit agencies for free, right? You could do it anywhere. It was so shady, the stuff we had to sell, that you had to stick word for word to the script. And if you didn't, if you messed up the script even one time, then you wouldn't get your bonus for the whole month, which was potentially like $3,000.

Oh, man. That's how much they broke the law. If even one word was wrong, they're like, well well now you're breaking the law that's a brutal i i i painted an elaborate picture with my call center sales pitch two years did you really bonuses yeah i was saying crazy shit dude i got i got the to go to football just to one-up you there i got the big hit award one time what do you think about that? Ever tell you about that? Well, a lot of kids get participation trophies. It was a bottle of Gatorade.

That was the Big Hit Award. Yeah. Took a hit off and then gave it back to the coach. That's how you know it wasn't international. That's for kids who play, Jordan. They didn't know my last name. We ran out of trophies. Give them a Gatorade.

We had a cooler full of big hit awards at every game and practice. Not the D team, baby. Oh, man. Just to put a bow on it, Sean's drinking the kind of energy drink when you have two different child support hearings in two different counties.

It's that kind of energy drink. My Uncle Chad's hair decided what he wanted to drink for that day. It's the kind of court where a dad shows up, looks like he waits table at Olive Garden, and is also trying to get his kids back. Oh, man, that's the combo. Dude, Stink Eye one time, I won't dwell, but I had a child custody hearing.

I was 14, I think, 13, 14, and Stink Eye showed up, and he had a broken nose and two black eyes at this custody hearing where i was supposed to he wanted custody my stepdad and then my real dad was there my real dad was there i'll fight for the child my real dad was there who was like gave him the black eyes rough no so anyway it was just crazy looking out in court and i was like man this is this is where i'm at huh and then i had to go pick i had to go choose which i got tell the judge like who i wanted to go with it was wild you told you told him you wanted to be raised by the game right yeah i was like i pointed to the streets and i was like you find me out

there tightened your blue rag and well i think i think we know what sean's first fantasy pick is gonna be is this crypt sean or skateboard sean during this time this is crypt sean okay yeah so i wore uh carl can i vest to to the hearing yeah that is notoriously worked for dudes in court yeah brown carl can i see it and you're like man he got off carl can i just said something in my own defense. David, you got anything to get the people to? You know, go to official

davidborrie.com and buy one of those t-shirts. We got beanies coming before they run out because we're only doing limited runs. You saved me a t-shirt, yeah i saved you one all right i got all you guys not shane i wasn't i listen i ain't got a limited bandwidth what i do no i love you i still have any he doesn't have any denim merch with cowboy buttons man all right you fucking you you drop a few pounds you make few bucks, you forget where you came from.

That's you. You make fun of the way I dress all the time. I knew you when you were in cargo shorts and Looney Tunes shirts. Don't you fucking start with me. We all had the same blue cheese on our hoodies ten years ago. Yeah. Threw on a blazer at nine in the morning like you're some gutty. You need to fuck right off with that car now. It's an over shirt.

It's a linen overshirt. A linen overshirt. There was a time when you would have never even said such a phrase. You would have kicked that linen overshirt off the bus. Yeah. Sorry I stayed with the people and the hood, and I made it real. Are you drinking a frappuccino right now? It's iced coffee.

I need the juice. Shane doesn't keep it real he made it real that's goddamn right now ian go get on the mug i bought you when i lost our bet i'll go grab it shane got shane and i made a a bet on the portland trailblazers dallas mavericks game yeah and he he sent me a customized damian lillard hitting the shot over Paul George mug and a beautiful pack of Smith's tea. Yeah, they will not stop emailing me, by the way. It's like I'm reminded of my loss to you once a week from Smith Tea Makers. I got some friends there. I told them to keep those emails coming.

Thanks, I appreciate that. They're just texting and calling me now, too. I fucking hate it when you buy something online, like, for someone else, and then they just keep sending you, like, I don't buy bras. Just, like, stop emailing me. I did it one time. It was a crazy move. I don't need another one.

That's a cool move, David. I don't need those erection pills. You know what I mean? I got those from someone else who doesn't have the internet. I don't have diarrhea anymorection pills you know what i mean i got those for someone else who doesn't have the internet i don't have diarrhea anymore all right cool i don't i don't have a fucking bat infestation in my room all right i however still want all the emails from mountain dew i will say that people's coming i donated to like a couple of like legal defense funds and now they will not stop oh yeah they will not and you feel so guilty trying to unsubscribe

from them i know charity is the worst about too many fucking even dog i gave you 500 dollars leave me anonymously my name's not on it aclu is never leaving me alone again like they're just not and planned parenthood they send me more mail than my bill collectors like it is wild i'm on a recurring donation where i just with with planned parenthood where i just every month it comes out automatically and they still send me mail and emails where it's like sending i'm like every month i send it every month it's like that's ian carmel with a recurring donation to yeah thanks Thanks for the stickers. They're on my fridge. Please stop emailing me. I do try to draw a woman's attention to

it when she's over at my house. Yes, I do. I leave the mail on the bridge. Maybe I will not buy another huge bra though. I don't know. Get one. That's where your brain's been the last two minutes. Shane Torres is here at Shane Torres on Twitter at Shane Torres on Insta.

Or is it Syrup Mountain on Instagram? It's Syrup Mountain. That's right. Syrup Mountain on Instagram. A legend in two games like Pee Wee Kirkland. How are you doing, Shane? I'm good, buddy. You're in the comedy right now, but that'll be over by the time this comes out.

Oh, yes, it will. But I'm good. Shows have been good this week. It's nice and safe. One of the best clubs. They're doing a good job. I love that place so much. But I'm good. Shows have been good this week. It's nice and safe. One of the best clubs. They're doing a good job. I love that place so much. Yeah, it's really great.

Yeah, things are good. Shaneisacomedian.com. Got some tour dates coming up for the Oh So Close tour. And then what else do I got? Drop a couple upcoming locations. Upcoming dates. I'll be at Savage Henry Comedy Club in Eureka, California in July. I'll be at the Secret Group.

You're going to go to the Tip Top? I don't know what that is, but I'm sure I will. That's the RV Sales slash Gentleman's Club in Arcata, California. He'll be there. Yeah, David.

You want to come? Shane's going to go buy an RV, though. Oh, no. I'll be there. Yeah, David. You want to come? Shane's going to go buy an RV, though. Oh, no. I've done my tip-top time. No, there's no more secrets in there for me. Yeah. You can catch me at the Comedy Cellar in the city, and then you can catch me. There's a lot of dates on the website, so please come out to those. How about that?

Can we just say this is the first time we've had a comedian announcing dates? I love it in like a year what a beautiful fucking thing man that's great because when it all shut down you did it when when it all shut down we were in the room we were at your old place together yeah and we were all like sitting in the room and and i leaved the flu ain't never stopped me from doing shit we're all on wax saying that. I've had the flu. We'll be in Texas. I remember the episode because we were like, where's Zach? And you were like, if he's at the gym, that's fucking crazy.

And we're going to have to talk about that. Because he went out running and I was like, I think he's at the gym. And you're like, he better not be. He was running stairs outside. Yeah. And then a week later, I was stricken with the sickness. That's right.

You know, I asked ACH, and he said, it's all right. We can talk about it. So we'll be at High Plains. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah, we'll be at High Plains Comedy Festival. Yeah. Can I drop one more thing? Somebody else might be doing something big there at High Plains Comedy Festival.

My man. I'm going to be on an upcoming episode of teep the tbs show chad yes i think it comes out like next week or something it's probably the best acting i've ever done not to brag but uh i ad-libbed all my lines that's it there's a huge billboard for that in times square like like a massive one. This one's in L.A., too. It's funny. A couple in Sioux Falls, for sure. Yeah. Nassim Pajara nailed it.

She's very funny. She's amazing. I'm very funny. I'm charming in it. That's a show about the landlocked African country Chad, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a political drama. They call it the West Wing of Africa.

Yeah. Also, got a forthcoming podcast with Kyleyle canane coming out uh so yeah speaking of kyle canane brought uh bronger wanted me to drop and he's a friend of the pod we love matt bronco no it's safe to say i don't think i would be half the comedian i am without him april 24th hey girl with matt and k. They're doing a little happy hour check-in show on HoldThePhone.tv. So check that out. April 24th, Matt Bronker, Kyle Kinane. On Twitch. On Twitch.

Fucking check that out. My name is Ian Carmel, which is ridiculous because I am a six-foot-three. No, come on. Shlomo P pudding tits. I love it. Do it. That was like one of my... Then I put some butter on it.

Which is ridiculous because I am a 6'3", 320 pound Jew. Not anymore. And my name sounds like a whimsical British candy store. He's sick now. Now I'm a 5'8", 490-pound Jew full of dark matter. Little Caesars, that's the dark matter. He's just like a more compact, gnarlier Action Bronson. Better put some butter on it.

I mean, even Action Bronson, dude, is like, that takes a great shape. Oh, yeah, he lost a bunch of weight, didn't he? He's got a baby too right uh i'm ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on cutting off sean like a bunch dude i'm sorry what were you gonna say this mountain dew says immune support and mental boost on it and it says it contains five percent juice i'm just reading it's just real funny that it's how bad this is for me i'm sure but it's like 80 concentrated power and will and that's the highest the fda has ever approved from the concentrated power of will trees not in bolivia but but close i don't know what you're

talking about it's close what are you talking what is bolivia what is that is a woman's name i heard i haven't been in bolivia for the past year i know that's there knock it off can you name one city in bolivia sean no i've never been how would i that's crazy good answer that's right i know who bolivia newton john is she was in that movie greece yeah yeah that'd be a while you know all right i like lawrence bolivier yeah he's great i can't tell you one thing about la paz not one thing it is not the capital of a country i've never been to no there are not a series of tunnels connecting our hotel to several warehouses in the area that we use to smuggle out rare birds there's not a sequence of claps that you could i can do to have a pigeon attack squad get you at any moment

there's not a helicopter with a jet ski that drops out of it that we can be on 30 seconds from anywhere we are in that city all right now you're saying pics oh oh shit my bad what's going on with me Ian Carmel on Jewish COVID vaccine availability website where it's been available for us since November I keep telling people I keep watching the late late show of James Corden where I am like our

sort of Andy Richter figure during the monologue it's been real fun I'm doing stand-up at some point on Kenny DeForest's show here in Los Angeles. My first time doing stand-up. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Since I've A, lost the weight,

and B, since the pandemic started, on February 23rd, 6 and 8.30, more details to come. So I'll be there doing stand-up comedy. It's going to go poorly. April 23rd not february april 23rd oh april 23rd i said february yeah i'm crazy dude what am i gonna do next come to good god if this airs on thursday sorry i want to plug this because we got good god in brooklyn at the turks in two shows 7 and 9 30 dance odor shane torres uh who else yasmin garza josh johnson lots

of people it'll be fun it's in a small room full of coughing everybody go yeah kiss party the no mask kiss party you wanted the best you got the best bodily fluid shots i uh and that's that's fucking about it listen to all fantasy everything now we are gathering here today not only to talk about an all-day kiss party in a small room in brooklyn but also to fantasy draft fantasies now the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissor shoot they were all rocks I think Shane's fist is out of frame rock paper scissors shoot

oh they threw all rocks again three rocks Obama dude here we go again rock paper scissors shoot Shane wins he stayed with it it's the only one I know it's the only one I know

it's like going right in basketball it's the only thing I can do that'll get you all the way to a small D2 school though I think you can play D1 if you can't go left yeah that's probably true not with my athleticism

not with my athleticism Shane with a TKO in the third round he said let there be rock and there was shane torres as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question hit you with a phrase you hear the phrase no lemon no melon you probably don't think much but with a phrase like that if you start at the beginning and go all the way to the end and then turn around and come back gonna spell the same thing to me it helps explain a serpentine draft so if you take

no lemon no melon and you just go n-o-l-e-m-o-n n-o-m-e-M-O-N, N-O-M-E-L-O-N, stop, and then turn back around. It's going to spell the exact same thing. So it's just like that. That's how you would do the draft. You start on the left, go to the right, stop, go from the right, go to the left, stop, go from the left, go to the right. There you have it. Have we drafted palindromes yet?

We haven't, but there's some good ones there are yeah you'll be hearing a lot of them as i'm as uh i've got a creative ways to do like whoa nemo toss a lasso to me now whoa yeah also rats rats saw god yeah right before i snapped his neck in that trap in the garage bring it up again yeah then the dog was a star bring it up again go hang a salami i'm a lasagna hog palindrome also my memoir yeah Go hang a salami. That's a lasagna hug. That's like an

insult that white people said to each other at a time I don't know about. Yeah, it's like when the Irish were still being persecuted in this country. Go hang a salami. He's like, I'll bust in your face. Get fucked, you lasagna hug. Get fucked. Sugaragna hog Get fucked Sugar with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be

I think we will go David Ian Sean Me Oh Yeah Are you in the Or is that a certain position

that you're in when you go last Shane is that oh I like to just be last what are you talking about what do you mean a hot little hot corner oh no no no it's actually quite it's pretty cold it's fine I'm in the hot corner and the rest of y'all can

fuck off I call it a little chill spot I don't even call It's pretty cold. It's fine. I'm in the hot corner. The rest of y'all can fuck off. I call it a little chill spot. I don't even call it a hot corner. I call it a little Texas chill spot. Yeah, it's a chill chill. I got nothing. Let's go.

He's in the chili bowl. All right. Well, David, you have the first pick in the All Fantasy Everything Fantasies fantasy draft, and we will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life you drop everything you're doing just go to a brand new country you figure it out from there but this isn't the talented mr ripley all right you're not jason bourne you can't do that two Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone

in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. They had science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language.

You know, Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language.

They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you, and then you can decipher what they said. It's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go, because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. they're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word-for-word

studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond. They prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad

word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless.

It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dose to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small

and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292

per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to

start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk

about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there.

Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed the only podcast that's it if you've heard a podcast it's been all fantasy everything all right and it's time this american life us my favorite murder that's us us all right no other podcasts um who's joe rogan us us that is us that's actually that's the motto on his podcast they always listen or scream that we all moved to austin and bought houses us bro now david you have the first pick in the fantasy draft and what will that be

okay I mean listen I have a lot of different fantasies obviously you know what I mean I can we can you want to do it on the 50 yard line with a dirty birds kick for three right yeah yeah well and if you like it in the club I can do it on the DJ booth in the back of the VIP whipped cream and

cherries and strawberries on top make it don't stop uh keep the door knocked while the boat rocks uh no uh this is one i had from maybe probably the age of eight i think i already know where you're going yeah of course probably the age of eight or nine until i I understood that it was not possible at like 16 or 17. I'm going D1 football in the SEC specifically. Whoa. That is not what I thought. I wanted to be on the stage. Are you kidding me?

Yeah. I wanted to get all that LSU slays. Yeah, dude. And I never wanted to get all that lsu sliz yeah dude and i never wanted to play i never thought i never had i never thought about playing professional because it was just like but i was like maybe i just bust a couple moves correctly and i could get to like he sees playing time as a fifth year senior right Right. Solid minutes as a Jew, as, as regular senior year, special teams,

all four years. Yeah. Red shirted. But like, so like in the mix, but enough on the mix that like I'm playing football, but like, I'm going to be a business owner.

So I'm here to fuck. But like you have like a national championship and you're like the store, the humane story package they do around. Yeah. Like, I'm not worried story package they do around. Yeah. Like I'm not worried about the combine. Yeah. Yeah. Getting off the,

getting off the bus and a bucket hat and shorts. Yeah. Oh God. The getting off the bus. Remember when Reggie Bush would get off the bus and it was like, Oh my God. That's the shit. Oh my God.

Yeah. Especially in that era. Cause that's would have been like a few years after that would have been when I went. Oh, God. I fantasized about teachers passing me through classes that I didn't deserve. The program.

I mean, you're talking about the program. I'm talking about every good college football movie. I'm talking about the whole... Oh, man, it just seemed great. What position are you playing in? Oh, defensive tackle. I was always myself. Are you talking shit? In this sense for fantasies position are you what position are you playing in oh defensive tackle i was always myself okay are you talking shit in this sense for fantasies are you like talking shit and getting away with it like talking to the quarterback like i'm gonna paralyze you

yeah i talked shit on the field anyways though it was like uh i had to it was it was a behavior that had to get toned down between junior and senior year. The ref made me stop once. Yeah, I was going to say, you guys did for real. A lot of people made me stop, yeah. What were you saying, Ian? Do you remember? I don't remember the exact thing, but I don't know. I bet it was scary.

I was saying a lot of words that you're not supposed to say anymore. Yeah. For sure. Oh, yeah. That's how you talk shit when you... For sure. Especially, like. That's how you talk shit when you... For sure. Especially, like, I remember one game, this kid on our team got hurt, like, for real.

Derek DeWitt, and he broke his leg, and they put him in the ambulance on the field, and, like, kids are so psychos, right? Kids are such psychos. So when he was in the ambulance, he had his helmet, and he was banging it against the glass and like, let's go. And I fucking, I don't think I've ever been ever that.

Like people use the term turned on sexually. I'm just talking like mind and body as one connection. Like we're going to be a weapon for two more hours i've never been more i was saying i was like it was like there would be fights like i was switching sides you could punch out a moose with that kind of energy i know that yeah i was going they get hurt and they're like hurt them back and you're like well i don't know about all that like that's what we felt i love what the coaches said. That's what I'm saying.

You wanted to give back for the kid. It was a home game, too. I was like, I will kill. But anyways, I wanted to take that to the stage, though. SEC, man. For me, it was Oregon, you know, because I grew up in Oregon. And I wanted to go. And that was when they were starting to get kind of cool and everything.

Oh, when the jersey started really cracking off? Yeah. And I was just like, I want those helmets i like i would fantasize about the gear oh just like oh coming home i fantasized about coming back having clean sweat pants all the time yeah yeah yeah like coming back home like sweatpants decked out always fresh shit from like you basically had your own foot locker oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the coolest looking thing. Just a fully fresh sweatsuit every day. Hats, all that shit. Around my home, like, just, like, if I'm lounging around the house,

I dress like a D1 player who just got a beach. Like, that's just, like, how I, that's my preferred look. I have my keys on a lanyard. Like, I got a real car or some bullshit. Being in a rivalry game just seems like the coolest thing in the world. On TV, dude? Yeah, yeah. On TV?

Like the Red River shootout. That seems like the coolest thing ever to me. I'm like jacked just fucking talking about it. Yeah. Oh, God. Because even if you make one great play in that game, you're set for life at that school as somebody who's like never paying for a meal again.

I can be a mayor in a small town in Louisiana. If I could block a punt. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. I get one pick in the red river shootout and run it back. I'm,

I am basically a chancellor of a school somewhere. That's a chain of car dealerships. Yeah. You're never paying for shrimp fritters and McSorley's ever again. Those are on the house. I am basically a chancellor of a school somewhere. Yeah, that's a chain of car dealerships. You're never paying for shrimp fritters at McSorley's ever again. Those are on the house. Hey, I went to McSorley's last week. Thank you. Did you in New York?

Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah. That's my other fantasy. Shrimp fritters. Shrimp fritters. Shrimp fritters. That's an excellent pick.

Time for my first pick. And my first pick is one i may have mentioned it on this podcast before it is a fantasy i've had probably since i was like 15 maybe earlier it's a fantasy i maintain to this day i don't think it's something that was like gonna maybe get taken by anyone else but it is the most pure fantasy i have in my heart and i have to i have to say it there is a tunnel in portland it's highway 26 the sunset highway yeah as it's going into downtown and there are three lanes there are there are three lanes one goes one goes to the left one goes right into downtown portland and one goes to the right and the one that goes to the right there was always a really long line of traffic uh-huh every day by the way i'm in this every day the traffic where it just bunches up there in the other two lanes swing you right by suki's it's yeah right yeah but it's before

because it's before the tunnel but you end up right by suki's yeah and my whole life i know what you're gonna do cars have been cutting over at the last second and everybody else will spend five six seven extra minutes of their life waiting in that line the way you're supposed to. And then every now and then some fucking bullshit artist gets up to the front of it, throws their blinker on and holds up traffic in the center lane and then tries to get led over.

And every fucking time somebody lets them in. Yeah. And the thing is, just to let people know, there's solid lines in the tunnel, which means there's no passing in the tunnel. There's signs that say no merging for the next mile and all that stuff

and also you just know what you're doing that's the other thing yeah you're a son of a bitch is what you are you're a son of a bitch who thinks your time is more valuable than everybody else's and i fucking hate it and i have had a fantasy my entire life that everyone in that far right lane just bands together and puts three inches in between their bumpers and moves at the same speed and just doesn't let them in. Just never lets them in. And they just got to sit there fucking hating their life and then eventually go downtown and then figure out another way to get where they were going or eight o'clock you get to sit there the whole time and watch everybody pass you how long are we talking like like a couple hours they're sitting there i would i would love to watch them sit there for as long as as humanly possible and just never get let in how long does it take for

someone to starve yeah yeah until the car until the car naturally decomposed i don't care sit there the whole time die of starvation in that car while society bands together and agrees that there are certain unspoken rules that we all follow. So I am in that tunnel almost every day. And I'm right there with you. And I take it to extremes. What I will do, and it sounds psychotic, but I will slow. So I'm in that

right lane and i wait i wait in my line hoping that somebody will try to get in because what i'll do is that when i get the tunnel i'll go real slow and i'll look in my left rear view and if i see someone in the middle lane i'll just go their speed for a while until they're until they're close enough to the car in front of me where they can't possibly get over and then i'll stop again and then i'll wait for the next car and every now and again i catch that car trying to get over and i don't let them and it's it's the purest joy yes but then i think about rationally i'm like i'm like to be father said the purest joy yeah i was like well he ain't born yet dude it's the most it's it's the best thing that will ever happen to me let me me tell you about my big day, dear.

It's just, I'm right there with you, dude. The satisfaction of seeing someone, because you know what you're doing. Every now and again, somebody doesn't. I'm sure they're just like, oh my God. And they're scared to drive in the city and all that stuff. But nine out of 10, it's like somebody who's like. It's like a grandma with Wisconsin plates, but it never is.

It's an Audi in a non-traditional color if it's somebody with a portland state parking pass on their window you're like you're like you need to fuck right off like yeah yeah yeah it is funny the fools with like biden harris stickers that'll just go to the front i'm like why'd you vote what are you doing what's your life about i don't know that was a part of his platform but let's go now it's just like you're living your life a certain way but they have like the thing that says taking our jobs right sean yeah it sounds like earth with art highlighted some of those people and you're like you guys you don't you don't subscribe to that i just want i just would love i have this fantasy of one day just everyone banding together and not letting that person in it just yeah sounds incredible yeah perfect or just i was like i'm sure you guys have

talked about this before but like it just takes one person to call someone being an asshole before everybody else is like you are an asshole yeah like we call that train justice where i'm from train justice that happened i was checking into the hotel in vegas and this woman was being so rude to the counter person for no reason, really, you know, like something, somebody couldn't help.

And I was like, why are you being like this? And then like two other people were like, yeah, why are you being like this? I love it. I love it. That was it.

But she was like shamed so greatly. Yes. I, I hate it when people are like bad to service industry. So when you rally around somebody like you know you've been in a gas station when that happens and it's just like no man fuck you oh yeah yeah yeah oh bro or just somebody even better someone willing to lose their job like over like when they're like oh yeah guess what i don't work here anymore. Now talk to me like that.

Now we're just two people next to a standee of Fritos. What are we going to do now? Yeah, it's crazy. All of a sudden, I'm a person when I don't have a fucking name on my shirt. Like, oh, I love it. I love it so much. Jesus. Sean, time for your first pick, dude.

Top that, loser. Yeah. I love you so much, Shane. And I miss you to pieces. And I'm glad that you're having a good week in Minneapolis. Don't let him do that. Don't let him do that. I didn't say don't let him do that.

The next time I see you, instead of hugging you, I'm just going to stomp on your foot. Like, that's what I'm going to do. Well, yeah, I don't want to hug because if there's COVID and everything, I want to follow the safety protocols. Don't let things in your way. Don't let him do that. If you want a hug, do it to David. He's out there just like

masking pocket inside Shopko. You look like you're doing this from the office of a footlocker. This is fucking terrible. What I've always wanted to do is I've always wanted to see a group of tough guys doing something wrong, and then I

wanted to walk up and defend someone's honor by my first starting i want to start by saying kind of yes i want it yes but exactly that's exactly what i was thinking of that was one of them but i want to walk up and be like violence isn't the way gentlemen and like be real calm and then they just keep coming and keep coming and then i just do what i gotta do and defend someone's honor and beat the shit out of all of them. Do you have the nunchucks in a back pocket or is this an improvised weapon situation or is it purely the foot this way?

I think it's gonna be an improvised weapon if I need it. It's probably raining. David's right, I had Con Air fully in mind when I, you know that scene when they leave the bar? Is it because of my hair today? Is that why you're thinking of Con Air right now? It's because I'm doing a night gig. Your hair does look like...

Shane's hair is like that, and I'm wearing sandals with socks, dude. So I'm Cusacking? Yeah. I'm Cusacking! David's the guy with the sports car, and Sean is, I don't know, that white trash guy who flies the plane for a little bit. John Malkovich? No, no, there's a...

No, I know who you're talking about that yeah yeah yeah i know connor pretty well what are these what are these street toughs look like in your head i don't know sleeveless well let me let me see what do they look like streets rage and streets i think just an 8-bit digital character sean beats yeah they're like double dragon beats his shit out of some double dragon they're the bosses in double dragon square shoulders halfway through he kicks a trash can a turkey comes out he eats it and then keeps fighting

charges up somebody hits me with a street cone that popped out of a sewer like things like that to be fair if I saw that in a fight somebody just like open a trash can grab an old turkey took a bite and then beat the shit out of him i'd be like that guy yeah i think i walk up i walk up on shao khan bowser and shredder

they're all harassing a young woman what do you look like in this scenario i look like uh just a just a slightly better version of my current self i want to be me in this i'm not i'm me i like that that's the fantasy it's the fantasy is you're you doing this uh like for it to really say it it's like you just see like some people doing some nefarious shit and you just stop it and you say you don't want to use violence and then they force you to use violence and then you just beat the living shit out of all of them and then you know it's not your fault they drew first blood yeah yeah i see you in that tight stretch denim that chuck norris would wear i could do that oh with the shirt tucked in just have some lokes yeah but tank top tucked into like stretch denim yeah i'll get

some sunglasses dude i see a kind of a swayze roadhouse like it's not a karate gi kind of white shirt but yeah and then i like that third pick on there it says roadhouse at town and then like the jeans where you just said it because wasn't he rocking jeans with no underwear in roadhouse no he well maybe at some point after he bangs he definitely just like pulls the jeans up oh you throw underwear yeah yeah yeah if i'm wearing jeans yes no you don't david he starts that denim wave yeah denim has never touched my penis that's a good that's a good life and never will it's's touched mine quite a bit. Denim's touching mine right now. Todd, you're gnarly.

You gross little dirtball. And guess what? I'm wearing cutoffs. You cut off the top part of the shorts. I got my poochie cutters on. You have jeans on from the leg down. My show clothes. If I just walked out if i walked out from

behind a curtain wearing short like cut off short slippers i would that'd be the best yeah anyway oh defending defending uh someone's honor i love it i love it shane time for your first and second picks okay this first one i feel like this is a fantasy other people have but it's not often talked about oh no oh no not two not two at the same time what do you i'm gonna need some cream corn and some mustard david give me a little shimmy no oh that one's talked about uh it's this is something you have when you're a child is a terrorist take over the school and i beat them up and then the girl i like likes me red dawn it a little bit maybe die hard it but then mixed with a little a pinch of home alone yeah yeah like there's a little like there's a yeah it's not like straight violence it's like

i use the pencil sharpener to save her or whatever. That was legitimately a thing. I would think like I was like, man, if terrorists showed up right now and I beat them all up, Mickey Bernhard would really like me. Or you could just talk to her. No, that's never going to work. You have to kill foreigners. Letting out the class lizard means something different in Sioux Falls.

I'll tell you that. It means you're wearing cut-off shorts. Yeah, no underwear. I picture you with that big fucking paper cutter. Oh, like I fucking rip it off. This is like a dark gritty, and you're you're just like bam into all these chechnyans you know yeah there's a lot of track suits in this yeah you're gonna tie your hair back first before you go to town no why would i do that i die hard at a school would be a hilarious movie

yeah that would uh maybe well what would you call it though what i heard at a school school's out yeah die hard seven substitute teacher i don't know die hard seven free period you'd call up the eraser and you'd be on the cover with like a nunchucks made out of erasers i think that was a movie kind of the substitute with tom barringer it wasn't kind of it It was a movie with Tom Barringer. They had like three of them. Yeah. He took down a high school drug dealing gang and he was the substitute teacher. He was like an operative of some sort.

That's the worst. He went from Major League to that. I've never known a high school. Platoon was in there too. Don't fucking, don't fuck with Tom Barringer, dickhead. Okay. Don't fucking.

Don't fucking start with me. Everybody remembers him from Platoon that's that's one of sean's favorite white male actor character actors yeah yeah sean loves an actor that looks like he could be running an optical lens shop or be a cop yeah punctual punctual methodical yeah so yeah terrorists take over the school my second one i'm just gonna set the stage for you a little bit there's seven seconds left on the clock dallas is down by two hell yeah oh you have to eat nine hot dogs yeah hey that's a dream i realized buddy that's that's the dallas the dallas brought stuffers that's a dream I realized, buddy.

That's the Dallas Bratstuffers. It's a different... I'm in the crowd. Terrorists take over. Terrorists take over. Jerry World. And I have to... No, which sport?

Yeah, go ahead. Torres. They're going to try and get the ball to Torres on the inbound. He's their best player. Torres gets around the screen, gets the ball at the top of the key. Carmel comes out to guard him from Portland. Oh, no. Oh, God.

Step back. Oh, no. Carmel bites. Torres blows by him with it around the back. Jordan comes up to take him, so he's going to the hoop. What's he forget out? David Borey rolls to the basket. Alley-oop for the win.

Dallas is world champions again. Whoa. Whoa. I'll play for the Mavericks. Yes. It's an assist? It's to win the game. It's to win the game.

I won the game. David may slam the basket, but we won the game I won the game David may slam the basket but we won the game together you know this is your fantasy right you can do whatever you want some of us want to be a good person even in our fantasy Sean we don't have to make it all about us you selfish son of a bitch

you could have put me in there you dickweed but you didn't did you he did put you in there that's why David fucking slammed on you I did think it was Michael Jordan? That's why David fucking slammed on you. I did think it was Michael Jordan. No. Thank you. Oh, so what? Hold on.

You thought it was Shane, David, me, and Michael Jordan? It glossed over me, but yeah, for a second. It glossed over you. It flew right fucking by you. So Ian and Michael Jordan are on the blazers. You know. Because in this fantasy Jordan are on the blazers. You know. Because in this fantasy, they drafted him too. Yeah, yeah.

It's crazy. Sam Bowie went to, he was a missionary for four years instead. Yeah. God damn it, Sean. You can ruin anything. Oh, man. I can't. You say whatever you want.

I can't wait to see your punk ass again. I can't wait. Oh, man. I can't. You say whatever you want. I can't wait to see your punk ass again. I, for one, would love to hear what a therapist says about you having an assist for a dunk in your fantasy. She says a lot of things. I'm mostly just with her still because we have the same birthday. Sean, I want that to be a recurring problem for you that you think people are talking about Michael Jordan and not you. Hey, Jordan, get over here. No, Michael Jordan's not here. Michael Jordan isn't at Tommy Jack.

And I'll pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Jordan. What? You bitch. I got to see this baby, Sammy. I honestly can't believe that you didn't pick up that you were the other person. That's fair. Yeah, me either. Look, if I'm on the Blazers and we're in the finals, this is my fantasy too.

Yeah, I know. I want everyone to be included. Also, I don't know how two Western Conference teams are playing each other in the finals, but I'll take it. That's because they've done the 1-20 now because of the COVID league. Yeah, see, I was thinking of this outright. Yeah. I'm not like Sean. Is Luka on this team too?

Is this a modern day? I'm Luka. No, you're Luka Bori. I'm the Luka spot. Yes. The young foreign upstart who nobody thought could do it. Yeah. And I am Christoph Porzingis, the angry Russian who's probably racist.

And I'm a pro-Jew Myers Leonard. And Sean is Michael Jordan. I'm Michael Jordan. Please let me be Michael Jordan. I'm a pro-Jew Myers. This fantasy's got everything. Oh, man. Oh, that's a great pick.

All right, time for my second pick. With my second pick, this is a fantasy I have that maybe it works out. Maybe it works out in real life. Wait, is it me? It's me. Oh, did I do it wrong? Oh, shit. My bad, my bad, my bad my bad my bad my bad my bad hey guys i gotta keep going i'll be right back okay our guardian a guardian angel uh pointed

out my err everybody in the club gets hips there's no room for error secret service consequences sean time for your second pick you all so and so i now i thought of this way before the movie so go on but it's it's a baseball team i'm a toy cowboy i'm a down on my luck waiter and someone sees me and heard i had a big dick and they turned me into a porn star susan sarandon has sex with everybody on my baseball team. I want a remote control for life. And Click did that, basically. That's what Click did. But I've forever, I've always thought about how cool that would be. Never for a fast forward. Always for a

rewind and slow-mo feature would be really nice and the pause would be really nice. And pause would be really nice and i thought of all kinds of scenarios like you i don't want to take other i don't want to step on other picks but you could like no one's going to pick anything about skateboarding i could try any trick i wanted to and if i was about to fall i could just say pause and i would just and i could like all right reset and you could just do that if something was dope you could just rewind it relive it all you wanted you could redo things um you could get into some hot water if you did that too much so i don't think i would like reuse or redo anything

crazy do you ever worry that it would inhibit your growth because you would just keep going back to old shit instead of like blazing a new trail maybe but i see this is where it comes in like if i were to get it now i don't think i would misuse it too much if i got it like as a 40 year old i think right now you know you people always think like what if i could redo it i would i wouldn't change anything but if you got it now would you still be going backwards a lot no i it's it's more like the pause would be so fun we could i could fix ian's traffic prop god how fun would it be to pause and then just like take that car's keys out of their ignition? Or cut their brakes so they slam into a median and die?

Yeah, you could kill. You could kill. You could use it to kill. You could do so much fun stuff with a pause button. But I'm taking the whole remote just because why not? I'll tell you what I'd never use ever. Maybe, maybe, I can't. Maybe I would use like a dentist no i'd use the fast

forward at the dentist probably something like that i'd be like let's skip this hour and then i'm just done with the dentist you know stuff that's how it started though right and then he was like right i'm just gonna get through this meeting and then he skipped i can't believe you're talking about click when Shane went to the bathroom. Didn't Shane pick click and something? I think he did. He's a click picker. He said he had to pee, but he's been gone poop time.

So I don't know what's going on here. To that, I say quit pocket watching. He's been gone poop amount of time, but he said he had to pee anyway yeah we don't need to dwell but I don't think we've ever straight up picked something and moved on while somebody was wasn't around so we should probably hang on it for a second until he gets back like he's hanging on to that poop

flush it down big dog you're at work poop time we can revisit how he's been gone poop time what's he been gone like three poops now and this is what's it's like it's a luxurious poop yeah it's got to dwell on poop adam used to say uh like when someone asked how many how much weed he had left he would say like the amount of oneys that he had left and i can't remember the details but notoriously someone asked how much weed he had left, he would say like the amount of oneys that he had left. And I can't remember the details, but notoriously someone asked him how much weed he had.

And he was like, I don't know, like three oneys worth. And so his nickname was three oneys worth for quite some time. And I believe it was our Wi-Fi password at our first house was three oneys worth. Horatio three oneys worth is my attorney. Horatio Sands is mine. Sean has a theory about your absence here You said that you had to pee but you were gone poop amount of time Explain yourself

I didn't have to pee I had to go throw my laundry in the dryer and I just said pee because I didn't want to make a whole thing out of it Sean Is that what happens to your voice when you lie? Oh because you're washing the sheets because you got nasty There it is There was some fun this morning if you must know when you lie because you're washing the sheets because you got nasty there it is there was a there was some fun this morning if you must know when you take the blue pill man is spilling it

spilled it all over my sheets yeah oh shane what kind of vortex are you in you never used to talk about this stuff i know yeah you don't know who this woman is it's a nice lady who no but what well all right what are you talking i don't i'm not giving any details i'm just saying i had a little sex buddy that's a pretty big detail it's what she said it's a pretty big detail do you remember was she talking about your marissa can you just go video silent for a second i don't know i don't want to look at you when I'm talking about this. Was it Angela Bassett? No, but it was Tina Turner.

That would be crazy. A legend. If I walked in... I'm your private dancer. Dancer for money. Do what you ask me to do. She's the first girl that made my bad dude move. Oh, God.

I drafted a remote control for life like your favorite movie click yeah you drafted a click remote hey i'll have you know marissa cried during that too deering that was like movies that make you cry we drafted that once and you got ian got mad at me because click made me cry i threw a conniption but i don't know if i made it i never i don't know if made marissa cry but she was like it was a sad scene I cried I clicked too for sure it's a good movie I like it

it could use a little more Tom Berenger because it has zero if I have one note hey that's a hill to die on yeah send that dish out to the table without any garnish that's the only thing Clive Davis and I agree on is that most things could use a little more Tom Berenger. I fucking, even that, dude.

Like, let go of my fucking dick, dude. You know what I mean? Clive, you're going to rip it off if you keep grabbing it like that. Even on that, I can't even fucking sit down for lunch at Musso and Frank's without immediately feeling a fucking tug on my dick dude and get lo and behold it's clive davis every time i'm like what are you doing out there's a pandemic you're ancient he's got a mask on though he got the back early speaking of clive davis i i was talking to my boss at team coco and uh she brought up clive davis and i made a face and she's like oh why'd you make that face and I had to explain that AFE has an ongoing

bit about Clive Davis pulling our dicks and it was not a good explanation but I had to tell him I swear it's funny in context but it doesn't make sense now unless you're getting your dick ripped off it's funny unless it's happening to you I'll tell you that nothing funny about it that motherfucker

it's like go produce another Santana album and leave my fucking crank alone, Clive Davis. Thank you very much. I'm going to bleed out. You keep tugging on my bad dude, Clive. Crank out another Babyface hit. Time for my next pick. This is a fantasy.

I would like to sell... I've sold a couple TV shows in this scenario. I've made my Hollywood money. I've made my Hollywood money. I've made my Hollywood money. I'm moving back to Portland, Oregon. Okay. And I open myself up a little sandwich shop. And that's the fantasy.

Yeah. I open a brick and mortar. I totally get it. Sandwich store in Portland. We have cool t-shirts. I love this. Delicious sandwiches. I just get to pick the music that's playing all day long i'm i'm like a boisterous figure when people come in i'm like i'm still me i'm this ian carmel you're the piano man of the sandwich shop yeah they come they just come in and we do fun sandwiches every week and i just sell amazing sandwiches maybe i'm still i'm still with dana in

this scenario she has a little bakery that's attached to it. We're selling delicious cookies. She's baking the bread on these sandwiches. I'm coming up with fun sandwiches. What are you calling these? I don't have a name for it yet. That's a good question.

Maybe there's some skateboards on the wall. Artwork. Nice fun artwork. This isn't your sandwich shop. Maybe some skateboards on the wall, like artwork, like nice fun artwork, you know? This isn't your sandwich shop. Maybe some skateboards on the wall. Maybe like instead of trays, they're skateboards and people carry their sandwiches to their table on like skateboards. You just had a pick. I'm just giving you ideas, man. It's your world.

I'm just throwing some paint on the wall. Giving you bad ideas. I just think it's called the Carmel Sandwich Company. I actually love that yeah and there's a memorial sandwich for Sean for Sean Jordan may he rest in peace there's Sean Jordan's memorial sandwich

torn apart by wolves yeah somebody was reading my list it's two pieces of white bread with no special sauce dude it's tortilla it's a jar of Alfredo with a tortilla sticking out of it yeah it is number one seller baby you can eat it on the street you can eat it on the bus you should eat it on the street

not for inside i'll have it i'll have a dagwood sandwich and an italian chips and dip yeah now you guys are talking. What do you think the chances are of this, something like this actually happening and be honest? Tortillas?

10%? 20%? I think there's a 20% chance of this actually happening. I do too. I think there's a greater chance of that, but I,

pure temperament, like food service is so frustrating. I can see you losing it on people all the time. I've gotten a lot more chill in the last year or two. Yeah? Okay. I definitely have.

I've started meditating. I'm losing the weight. It's helped. It's good, good. But I can just see someone being like, hey, I didn't ask for pickles on this. And you're like, well, that's the fucking way it comes. Well, it comes with pickles. Yeah.

I can see you doing that. So I don't know. Well, maybe you could go throw those pickles out over the fucking trash can in the alley that you're gonna eat your sandwich over or i'm gonna beat you with this day-old baguette dad it's my dad in this scenario get out of here ivan and you're paying for the sandwich ivan yeah all right you listen all right 16.99 bro damn That's a fucking sandwich. It's the Ivan Price, dude.

Is this a sit-down or is this a countertop and go kind of place? There's like four or five tables in there, but it's mostly a pick it up and go kind of place. Kind of like a meat cheese bread situation. Kind of a meat cheese bread bunk. Kind of a meat cheese bread. Yeah, okay. Yeah, nice. Meat cheese bruv.

Yeah, just like a fun sandwich. Meat cheese bruv? Yeah. Also, you know what i love about this there's a there's a carmel sandwich company in the rose garden for sure yes there is yeah you are a local broadcast sponsor too are you all yeah are you like uh i mean i guess voodoo was like this or like are you one of those like you also sponsor all the local festivals i'm doing that i'm on the backs a lot of t-shirts like one of those cool local companies right yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's like we might even have a couple locations there's like a mural somewhere like in like maybe like south of division of you holding a sandwich sean being torn apart by wolves dude it's sean being torn apart by wolves. And I'm standing there eating a sandwich just laughing my ass off. And it's like a shitty lawn folding chair. It's Sean and rollerblades. Rollerblades everywhere. The wolves are wearing rollerblades.

And I use skateboards as trays. There it is. That's all I needed, man. I love that perfect that's all i needed man i love that's all i need for my dear dear friend who i love uh yes sandwich shop david time for your second and third picks my second pick is also post however i make my money it could be hollywood it could very well be something that fell off of a truck i don't know how i'm gonna get rich i don't know i don't know anything could happen uh and this is like i'm old so not only have i had kids my kids have kids i'm i'm i'm gone from this motherfucker you never los angeles california you're never gonna see me again and i'm in sierra leone i

start in freetown because i want to make a big life for myself and then i fall back to the the provinces i'm in kono district i'm just quiet i'm doing my thing and then they come to me they're like david you've lived such a life you have so many resources you're so smart and i'm just the mayor of like a little province out there just a just a just a local mayor, way out, very successful, knows everybody, making a real difference. You know what I'm saying? Are you not Mayor Borey or Mayor David? Yeah, I got the school remodeled. You know what I'm saying?

Now they all got laptops because of me, because of my connections in Silicon Valley, because I fucking was an early investor in grinder yeah or blinder blinder which is grinder for blind people yeah yeah yeah yeah blinder because everybody likes to have sex everybody i love that i love that for you i also like i see you like going into the first international call mail sandwich company in sierra leone oh yeah and being like oh there's a there's a leak there's a leak i'm just gonna send the city over real quick like you take you notice it and you fix it without yeah and i dress like and i dress like like a cool mayor this was my question what's that i want to know what you look like i want to know what your office looks like looks like pete bud. So my office is... Oh, cool, man. Say no more.

I look like Pete Buttigieg. My office is a testament to the wildly diverse life I've led. You know what I mean? There's pictures of weirdly like me and Trudeau in the Bahamas. Sure.

Warren Whiteface? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trudeau's dressed Bahamas. Sure. More in whiteface. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trudeau's dressed like Sean in the seventh grade. It was a Halloween party. It's cool in the future. Yeah. Your office just looks like a TGI Fridays.

That's completely inappropriate. There's random shit everywhere. Yeah, imagine TGI Fridays, but sexy. I always do. So I mean TGI Fridays. TGI Fridays. And then I am, honestly, have you ever seen that Eddie Murphy movie, Holy Man? It tanked. Of course.

No. Yeah. It tanked, but that's what I'm dressed like. I love that. Just long, flowing everything. I got some beads from somewhere. And I'm like a cool, like it's a small area. So you can come in and talk to me.

You know what I mean? I'm not going to. Yeah. You can talk to me about anything. I'm like King Solomon. I'm handling regular disputes. I love that. I really like this.

And I love that you like, you have like a restaurant. You like, it's kind of a famous booth that you've done deals at. Like that's, we hold that table for Mayor David. Oh, yeah. Very sweet. See that booth right over there? That's why we got a Chick-fil-A. You know, or whatever.

Or whatever. Whatever commerce I bring. You see that booth right over there? That's how the Dallas Cowboys came to Sierra Leone I killed Jerry Jones in that booth please get rid of him David shot first next fantasy I murder Jerry Jones

no that's my sex one okay my next my next fantasy is uh stand up never happened never got into stand-up never got into stand-up i continued my life the way it was going truthfully got down bad got down bad picked myself up learned myself about myself in a way that is not as selfish as seeming as writing jokes about yourself forever but i figured out who i was i found a nice woman i moved to uh what is it oh god highlands ranch colorado the nice suburbs and i have a clan i'm talking like nine kids deep and i'm a hard family man like i work so hard because i got all these kids i got nine kids like you know that shit uh coppola

said delirious okay where he was like oh if you don't have kids you don't know about hard work or whatever that's my whole thing that's my whole life is just like i got nine of them i got i gotta like hustle i'm like i started at sports authority as like a cashier now i'm regional manager all right yeah yeah i'm regional and i'm keeping all my kids in jordan's and they have a very nice suburban life and they have no idea dad was in the trenches they think dad's a nerd they think dad's just a hard-working nerd and i tricked everybody nobody knows that i used to have credit at the liquor store they see the shark fin poke out every now and then at practice when one of the parents on the other team you know or whatever starts to get a little too uppity i fought

a father at my daughter's soccer game but that was the only time I went back to the old me. I don't even listen to rap. My parents think, my kids think my favorite artist is Lena Horne. Your kids have a few uncles that they don't see that much. A lot of uncles with nicknames who teach them things I didn't necessarily want.

You know what I mean yeah and they say that you're your kids have this mystery about you like they say something like oh your dad used to be the best at this when he's hot wiring a car breaking yeah getting yeah yeah well triple a came once triple a came once and then but there was like a new guy at triple a so he couldn't get into your car and within 30 seconds you had it open and running even though the keys were in a lake somewhere. Exactly. Or like one day my son like comes across a box in my closet because he's snooping around. I give him a

long leash and it's just like a box and it's just like a half a key of cocaine. Yeah. A go box. Yeah, like a diamond chain and three guns. This is your seventh son Rory Bory. Yeah, Rory diamond chain and three guns. This is your seventh son, Rory Bory, right? Yeah, Rory Bory.

There's a trunk in your closet that you say, never open this. Yeah. And it's just filled with your, yeah, it's just filled with your bad past. But yeah. I love that. I just like always, always fantasized about just being like a very regular suburban dad with a grip of kids despite my confusing past i think about i think about that all the time like a regular life i think about it all the time i'm

like what would what would that have been like i think it's like a very good way to live that's lovely nine kids though geez yeah i want to gang them this is in this thing so in this fantasy i started when i was 24 and the first first three were rough i'm not gonna say the first three were thrilled about it no i wasn't even around for the first one and then the twins showed up and you had to be there yeah once the twins yeah kitten cat we call them yeah yeah yeah that was two fistfuls of reality right there oh my god i had to slow it down man and i haven't had a drop since beautiful beautiful right love that time for my third pick and with my third pick and i don't care what fucking af email kuiper ends up having to say

about this i don't give a fuck all right it is related to my second pick they're attached but there's a lot of commonality here and And if you don't fucking like it, get cocking off and yum. You know what I mean? I want to say that. You tell me to go take a shit off a pier? Go take a shit off a pier. Alright? That's why I fucking blocked him on Twitter. The beef is real.

The beef is... I don't care what sort of procedures he has coming up. The fucking beef is back on the grill. And I got thing burning hot. and i got thing burning hot oh yeah you got the thing burning charcoal i got applewood i got charcoal it's you know what i do sometimes i put a little pecan on the apple too that it's fucking a multi-wood situation i'm not wearing a shirt oh yeah so just i want to say that my second my third pick though it is related to my second pick so i live in portland i've got the sandwich

restaurant the first couple years of it i'm living in portland proper i love it i go for long walks you know what i mean like in the city i'm a city guy you see me around the city and then you know i've got all this tv money still the sandwich restaurant is above water. It's finally turning a profit. And I buy myself a house in like the country, but in the country that's kind of like close to Portland. Like there's these areas that are kind of like, it's kind of like rural Portland. I don't even know. It's like beyond the West Hills a little bit. Out 84 towards the water, like towards the ocean kind of like those. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Those are so pretty out there. So beautiful. I buy a house out there with a ton of trees on the property. I get a couple of animals. I grow a bunch of produce there that ends up at the sandwich shop. And I'm just living out there with my wife, with my kids, with a big old fat cat. Like, just a big barn cat who's like an outdoor cat who's just lazy as fuck maybe it's beetlejuice i don't know what the timeline here is i had a dream last night that beetlejuice got out of your

house that was in my dream if beetlejuice gets out of my house lock your door bro i know i know where he's going i know what he's doing all right you told him some stuff i stuff. I saw a bus ticket that he bought for Portland. He took a bus. He took it. He's just sitting next to some fucking roughneck who's going up to Oregon to drill for natural gas on a grayout. And he's just a little cat with a little fucking bindle. He doesn't have plane money, but he's got a lot of rage, so he'll take the bus just

to get here. He's got a bindle with a gun in it. That's classic bindle. that's classic bindle that's classic material yeah it's bindle behavior but it's just it's a house outside of portland where i have like enough land and just like it's the house where when the family has big get-togethers we all come to my place oh yeah sue carmel's in the kitchen cranking out you know what i mean sauce. Kind of place you could host a wedding if you wanted to. Exactly. You could host a wedding. You could hang up those hipster string lights, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. And that's like, that's, that's how I'd like to fucking wind out the clock. It's just like a house just out there in the country, sandwich shop in Oregon and just like a beautiful, like outdoor existence.

Lots of trees on the property you see some deer every now and then the wolves that tear sean apart did happen on my compound yeah that's where your bones are buried you son of a bitch what do you think what do you think makes those strawberries taste so fresh there's a little cross made out of skateboards at the end so that's my fantasy i'm going maybe some more realistic fantasies with mine but so be it uh sean time for your third pick i want to peacefully and successfully rob a bank and probably probably yeah probably with the crew right here like i get that nobody nobody gets hurt and i it's like i think i

could do i think i could do it well i'm thought it's like we don't we don't like it we don't detown it or anything like nobody nobody roughs anyone up like like clooney in a out of sight kind of robin yeah or like you know uh uh fucking hanks in road to perdition when he just like goes in and robs those banks real calm it's like hey give me the money here's a gun i'm taking them but i don't know i i want to like do the whole thing the planning the organizing like an oceans 11 type scheme not that deep but like you know so more of a heist than a robbery yeah but it's just like a one more charisma force it's a one one it's a one-off

yeah it's just a one thing and we just do it once in our crew who's doing what yeah that's oh man demolitions of course can i be the hacker yeah you are the only one who could be the hacker david if you're gonna do demolitions uh a la don cheetle i'm gonna need some sort of an accent what do you got no no all right fine then i don't need it um yeah like what is he he's like gonna nost it right up right up the willy i'm gonna make ian the wheel man thank you i'll get us out of there ian could be the parkour guy now with all the weight loss like yeah like the guy the little man in the box yeah yeah yeah or you could be the katherine zeta jones of entrapment and you do that sexy laser just slide my cute little tush under the laser beam yes yeah i want shane i want shane to be like i don't know if the foil is the right word

the person who creates the distraction like when when I go in, I walk in. I love that. I'm the Carl Reiner like complaining about, I had money in there this afternoon. Yes, exactly. You're talking to like you get the security guard involved and you're like, well, what? There should be a couple more zeros on there, boys.

I know I have more money. Show me. They weren't supposed to put Dirk Nowitzki and me smooching on my checkbook and I paid the $49.99, and I'm half cut off. You can barely tell who Dirk Nowitzki's smooching. I know. I know my check didn't bounce because on the memo line, I always write a heart. And if I don't write a heart.

Yeah. You just have like a giant bolo tie on. Gigantic bolo tie. Oh, I love that. I'm like Paul Ike Brownstone. Gigantic. With like some very expensive topaz in the middle like it's like but the money my beautiful tie is also the thing that disables the cameras it's got oh yeah it's magnetic yeah here's the thing about your tie i don't want to get into it but i'm thinking about wearing a bolo tie this summer move on go ahead

the topaz in your tie is worth more than the money you're complaining about not having in your account which is a fun little secret about this schlep at the u.s bank on fourth in portland doesn't know that you know yeah and then i just come in like you know and then just like start the heist and then we're all we're all in on it that's only three blocks away from the carmel uh sandwich company window we opened down there for the lunch rush by the way do you think the tunnel is from where do you think the tunnel's dug from exactly yeah successfully robbing a bank peacefully and we just do it once and then we know we could do it and we're good on that we just have in our heads like we robbed

a bank we're all good i like it well safe bro well safe all right well frig sean uh shane time for your third and fourth pick this is maybe one that uh i feel like other people have this kind of fantasy too mine are dumb uh but yeah they are listen you can flame them up man i'm gonna don't worry i'm already winning i'm not fine i'm not worried about this uh that's what he learned his hand your hand is steady it's steady not mine i've fiends my hands fucking shaking bro so i'm at a i'm at a concert right and i'm just sitting and that could be it after the last year yeah my son's due tour yeah i'm at a concert and i'm seeing a band that i love and then all of a sudden the guitar player just has a heart attack, and they're like, and then the singer says,

can anyone here play guitar? A heart attack? A heart attack, and they don't stop the show. We didn't come to Philadelphia to not rock. And then I go, I can play guitar, and my hand is just a little higher than everybody else's. And there I get up there, and then I am the new guitar player for Third Eye Blind. Maroon 5.

Placenta Warbath. Placenta Warbath. What band would you really want this to be happening for? There's so many. It's crazy to think about. You want to be the for what there's so many like you know like it's crazy to think about there's you want to be the new monkey there's so many because like you think of so many bands you know like when you just hear a song you're like god i bet it feels good to play this song and people lose do you want to be richie

sambora do you want to be slash i'dambora? Do you want to be Slash? I'd want to be. Do you want to be Joe Perry? I don't want to be. I want to be me, you idiot. I didn't say it was. I'm not pretending to be somebody. You want to be Carlos Santana?

That's a hot. Someone had to do it. That's a hot one. He doesn't sing that, though. That's Rob Thomas. Who is a dick? I bet he is a piece of shit. But that a santana song right yeah yeah yeah i don't like maybe like foo fighters or something like that maybe dave grohl just broke his hand you

don't like and you don't want to this guy oh you don't want anyone to die yeah but like one of those kind of like i will say i saw anderson pock once and that show was so fun there was no way there's no way you couldn't have fun doing it because everyone was just losing their shit something that fun you know like maybe not an anthem

thing but something that's just going to be like here we go and everybody just starts boogieing their ass off yeah in a funk band yeah something like that you could slide right into silk sonic dude yeah you anderson pack and bruno mars dude that's the real silk sonic well you're if i could just sit in on bruce springsteen and obama's podcast that'd be cool too dude did you see that on snl beck bennett has an amazing bruce springsteen on him i was

dying anyway they've been kind of firing on all cylinders lately. That last episode was great. It was really good. They're on track for sure. I think it's good. Anna Dresden's special. She's good, man. Yeah, for real. What's your fourth pick? 30,000 feet above the air.

I'm already on board. 30,000 feet in the air. Delta 747 Shane's flying New York first class all the way to LA to see his friend Ian Sean is nowhere in sight it's a beautiful day

someone the stewardess gets on the plane ladies and gentlemen we have a medical emergency is there a doctor on this flight the Foo Fighters guitarist is having a heart attack there are nine people something similar

there are nine people in coach with impacted bowels we need someone to get them loose and then I just jerk the plane up and down until people shit themselves. Somebody digging their buttholes with spoons. Is there a doctor that's willing to do that? God damn. Yeah.

Do-do at 40,000 feet. And then I go back there, and you know what's happening? A woman has come to term early with her pregnancy and I have to deliver this baby in comfort plus of all places.

Okay, so you have a little more room. I'm not used to West Coast flights. Those are big. You're not the doctor that me and the queen wanted. You're the doctor that we needed. That's right. That would be such a horrible situation for everyone involved all three of us god if you had that to hold over my head for the rest of our fucking lives oh my god i delivered your kid so what are you gonna name it name shane i don't care yeah yeah hype williams hype williams presents ian carmel senior boy

god hype it i'm really glad i like his later work for sure there's a chair Hype Williams presents Ian Carmel's senior boy. God, Hype, I'm really glad. I like his later work for sure. There's a chair. That's a pathway for success. Yeah. Baby, everything's fine. We wrapped the baby in one of those little thin blankets that they give you.

Swaddling it, you fucking heathen. All right. Don't act like you knew what that word meant nine months ago. It meant a different thing nine months ago I'm getting real drunk then I say everybody cheers and we're so happy and they're like it's a beautiful people are crying and then I say hey why don't you guys go take my first class seat

there you go and then I get to smoke a cigar on a plane yeah and then they're like thank you so much And then I get to smoke a cigar on a plane. Yeah. And then they're like, thank you so much. I said, it's no big deal. This is just, I didn't get into this to be a hero, you know? And then they said, do you want to fly the plane?

And I said, no, but I want to land it. Whoa. Yeah. There we go. And everybody dies. Including that emergency landing in Fort Wayne, indiana hell yeah if you had to land a plane i imagine everyone would die yeah i don't think we're at least i got to meet the kid what those people what those people in first class don't know is that the meal service in

first class has already happened and now you're in the back getting their sandwich they had my key lime pie. Yes, it's something like that. Medical emergency on an airplane, I think, like, would be a thrilling thing. My mom had to do that once. Really? Yeah, one of the pilots had a heart attack,

and my mom had to, like, because she was a nurse, she had to go in there and, like, resuscitate him. And she was, like, an old lady at this point. She was, like, in her 60s. And they had, like, she was, like, they had a point she was like in her 60s and they had like she was like they had it was amazing she talked about they had all this medical equipment that was like something like a you know like a field medic would use or it was like what she was like it was incredible they had everything i needed i think they have like defibrillators on

some planes even yeah and then they uh and then they sent her a bunch of free flights that's amazing yeah wow that's crazy. Yeah. Wow, good for that pilot. Good for your mom. Yeah. Amazing. Sean, time for your fourth pick. I want to go to space.

I want to be like, I'm not going to be crazy and like, you know, I don't want my feet on Mars or anything. Why not? This is a fantasy. Yeah, go nuts. I don't know if that's my fantasy. You want to jerk off in space, see where it goes? Go into the moon. I want to go to the moon.

I want to see space in the darkness, like pure darkness of space, see all the stars, and I want to see Earth from a different perspective. And so, yeah, I suppose we'll say feet on the moon. But that, to me, just seems like, I don't know. Just be insane. I'm worried about the one thing where people say that like you're different because earth seems so small.

I hope that wouldn't bother me. You're already in such a good place mentally that it wouldn't maybe affect you that bad. I think it would kind of put things in perspective. You're already a pretty humble guy. If you can get to the moon, if you're in a situation where you're going to the moon, you probably have the perspective to get through this.

Well, you think about all the little things that, me, I guess I'll speak about myself, all the tiny little things that, I think everything matters and is such a big deal. And I'm so stressed about all these little things. And I think everyone's mad all the time. I think people are mad at me all the time all this stuff and then if i went to the moon i think i'd look at it and be like or it's fine and everyone's just living their life and they're not thinking about you and like it's it's fine everything's all good man i can see all seven billion people who are mad at me at the same time and then i just go like this i just just crushed their heads. He's like, why is Australia so red? And it's right that moment when the space wolves pop out and tear you to shreds, dude. Right there on the surface of the moon. I can't get away from it.

I went to the moon to try to get away from this fantasy and I can't do it. At least I got a Carmelco space sandwich up there. They're the official sandwich of NASA. And NASCAR. And NASCAR. NASA. NASCAR. And NASCAR. NASA. NASCAR. And Nassau, Rhode Island, dude.

And Nassau, Bahamas. And Nassau, Bahamas. And Nashua, New Hampshire. Not Nazir Jones, though. No, no, no, no, no. That's a good... Oh, maybe Nashua's New Hampshire. Maybe that's what I was thinking.

Maybe there's one in Rhode Island, too. The energy drink, Nass, which I'll be drinking on the moon bro it's another part of the fantasy i'm just gonna go get the jitters up there oh man i can feel my heart my whole body it's time for my fourth pick and my fourth pick is i want my own jordan ah yeah not a collab but like a real one no i want to collab i want to on like uh i want to collab i want to on like uh i want to collab i don't want like the ian carmel shoe model i want to put out like the ian carmel version what jordan would it be i'm fit i'm torn between either the jordan one or the jordan four but i think i put out a jordan one and it goes so well that they give me the four i think that that i

feel like a lot that i think that's a real trajectory right yeah like a lot of people have ones and then they're like oh we like the cactus jack so much or whatever yeah yeah i mean that's why i just they let me in the lab and at nike i get to go in there i get to pick the fabrics pick the look they send me a couple samples i get the friends and family model that you guys all get you know yeah which is like what's a what's a shoe model to be clear this is uh actually air jordan's not the shoes you design on the nike website so that's right these are air this is michael jordan yeah yeah this is michael thank you oh now we're talking about the real one okay all right what's a shoe model you don't like

i it's a jordan one that that silhouette that design But I get it's it's the Ian Carmel. It's the Jordan. It's the carm. The Ian, the Jordan one carm. Yeah. So I pick the colors. I pick the fabrics, all that. It's a limited release.

You can only get a few of them. You know, it's that kind of thing. Big hyped drop. Nice. Yeah. There's a chance. There's a chance. There's no chance.

No, not at all. I will never be the kind of cool that you need to be to get your own jordan but you could do like a yeah you could do like a what a little like little nausea you could do like just kind of a rip-off or whatever yeah i could do a rip i could have my own new balance i could see that happening yeah but you know what i'm saying you could do like yeah you could you could do a non-official inspired. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

But yeah, I would like to do, you know, just a collaboration. An Ian Carmel, Jordan 1 collab, I think would be really fun. What if like Tinker Hatfield still did the, you could still hire him to do it, though. I went to his daughter's wedding in Idaho. When I was dating that Amanda girl, she was like good friends with Tinker Hatfield's daughters which was rough because you were friends with the McCoys before that right yeah

me and LaShawn McCoy that's a pull god damn so I've slept in Tinker Hatfield's house so if it was going to happen that was the path and that pathway is closed I've slept in tinker hatfield's house so if it was gonna happen that was the path and that pathway is close i've slept with his wife you said yeah i said god damn it david i was gonna say fucked yeah i heard that boy shane can pop that's so funny uh so yeah my own jordan my own jordan one that's my pick david time for your

fourth pick and then it's the lightning round okay fourth pick uh weirdly enough because i like yanking my dick off i want to be a clive davis like the idea of being that arbiter of taste who finds multiple acts that like define generations yeah especially within music i've always thought it's so dope that there are these people who just like like clyde davis is like pink floyd and aerosmith and earth wind and fire just this idea of being this arbiter of taste and seeing these things that are like you you will go on to define a generation i have the golden touch i'm like making like it's like like so much of who we are is because of what he's done you know what i'm saying and there's like there's like just

people like that and i think i think specifically in music i'm speaking of yeah like just love that but like the idea of yeah being like one of those because those people are like the artists are cool but that's like a limited scope but when it's like you hear like a guy like jimmy ivine or some shit where you're like dude or like butch vig or one of those kind of guys yeah yeah just the idea to be able to see see the whole board you know what i mean these guys who are limited to genre yeah he produced nevermind and he did other stuff like he's like a butch vig yeah that's a dope yeah but yeah just this idea of these people who are not like they just see the board in the way that like it's not even

limited to genre like the artist is great but i love the minds behind it who are just like a jimmy ivy when it's just like yeah eminem but also Bruce Springsteen. I'll make all this work. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I just like that. To be just a visionary. I'll make all this work. Yeah, I think that's like the coldest shit, man.

I think it's like. I love that for you. I love the idea of that. I fantasize that. And then, yeah, and then late in life, you just are like, you look back and you're like, oh, yeah, let me, I'll go backstage at the whoever. You know what I mean? Just like you're intertwined in that me i'll go backstage at the whoever i you know what i mean just like you're intertwined in that legacy i think is so fucking you're getting a kennedy

center honors yeah you're getting one of those weird the like the presidential medals that are all rainbow exactly it'll be the second time i've rocked the mic at the kennedy center no big deal like you and mel brooks are going in the same year like that's always like the cool yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so clive and i want to rip mad dicks off yeah i mean that's yeah comes with the territory dude that's not just a perk and your final pick my final lightning round pick uh boomerang was i've always fantasized myself in the movie boomerang uh early early 90s uh executive of the black company probably went to an hbcu or something like that yeah smooth as hell eddie murphy jackets upwardly mobile socially new york townhouse and shit i'm paying i'm watching i'm sitting up front watching jordan dump on the nicks

you know what i mean just that early 90s rich like new money but i'm holding my family down in a cool era in new york too yeah cool ass era where it's like still kind of dangerous yeah hip-hop is still people don't quite know what it is and i'm just like moving through the city wavy wavy through the like when that boomerang that like, so much influenced me growing up. It's just, like, that. And they were just, like, on. And it wasn't some, like, you know, all those other movies are good, but it wasn't, like, some menace society shit where it's, like,

oh, how's we going to make it out of there? It's just, like, black people were on, killing it, college educated. That's what it did. It was everybody was so dope in Boomerang. And I think about you having some friends that are like mad jealous of you because that was a fun part in Boomerang where like Martin Lawrence was just like, damn, I wish I could be like that. Yeah. But also because Martin Lawrence was an animal. Well, maybe if you stop calling them bitches.

Yeah. Yeah. Like Eddie Murphy's like, oh, man, I went out with this girl. Martin Lawrence is like, you ain't hit the Twizzle. And he's like oh man i went and hung out with this girl and martin lawrence is like you might hit the twizzle and he's like wait calm down but it's so yeah boomerang love it time for my final pick which is the white version of that i want to get really good at golf in this fantasy i'm just like fucking amazing at golf where i like joined the pga tour in my 40s oh so you're not even talking about like bragging about your handicap to people you're talking about

having no handicap i'm talking about having no hand i'm talking about like i'm picking and choosing my tournaments which i don't because you know i don't need them the sandwich shop is going so well and i still got the tv money but i'm just like an amazing golfer you're like one of those pro athletes that plays another sport that can almost make the cut at the Masters kind of thing. Yeah, like a Steph Curry level golfer like that kind of Tony Romo level golfer where I'm golfing with Tony Romo

and Steph Curry. That's quite a trio. That's quite a trio. I see you guys on the links. Oh, you're cutting up? Oh, yeah. I'm wearing a bucket hat. you already know what time it is wasted yeah he's wasted he's got sketchers on he only comes in his promotional wear for his ass you guys bet shots on holes that's how you do it that's right yeah and he loses on purpose he'll

be he'll like miff a putt four times and then we're like tony come on just have a drink get rid of the shakes uh sean time for your final pick i want to be able to do like an eight nine foot air like a backside air on a vert ramp it's one of those skate tricks that like i'll never there's no world ever where i could skate a vert ramp i've never even dropped in and you see people do it and you're just like god that looks fun just to be in the air for a couple seconds in your, at that point, you're like 25 feet above the ground. Jesus. I don't know.

It'd just be, it'd be insane. I, that's real simple, real easy one, but that's always like dropping. Just thinking about that, to be honest, just one of the coveted, like fuck when you saw it. Cause people always rip on vert. Like it looks stupid and it's boring to watch kind of, when you see it you're just like geez yeah it's so crazy to the layman like me it's kind of it's as cool as like street stuff honestly because it's so cool because it's so realistic yeah yeah but i understand like you lose like a technicality to

it or something skaters always rip on it like it's like it's whack but it's they can't do it yeah it's so hard like rollerblading they can't do it that's true dude i got yeah i'll give you that rollerblading looks hard uh sugar cane time for your final pick all right 2021 there it is tokyo olympics yes yes yeah yeah there's a new the what's the guy what's the guy's name the mountain from the the krieg lorgenstein or something hoffthorne bjornson has just hit a new world record in the deadlift and i am going here for america's pride yeah i say throw another nickel plate on it because I'd like a challenge. Turn it up. Yeah. I feel like you come out to I am a real American. Yeah.

And it is like, I know I'm being obnoxious and I am leaning into it. It's in a way of like, it is not even a beautiful kind of patriotism. It's the reason everybody hates America patriotism. Yeah. And I just cling it, jerk it jerk it drop and i give like a big like chest bump and then i have a wwe career after which really isn't the important part but oh yeah i love it i'll go all that and then i lose the weight healthily and i get my calorie counts drops significantly and i don't just turn into a lard ass that's great

that's a funny word yeah that's like world's strongest man that's what i absolutely yeah yeah well that's the final pick uh to recap david you went first you took uh for fantasies you took be an sec football player a local mayor in sierra leone never getting in the stand-up and then just starting a family with like nine kids somewhere in Colorado. Becoming a Clive Davis-esque tastemaker and then boomerang. Just living that life. That's a hell of an exclamation point on the left. I went second.

I took tunnel justice, opening a sandwich shop, living in a rural Oregon house that's very close to portland getting my own jordan one and then getting really amazing at golf sean you went third you took defending someone's honor but saying violence isn't the way before it happened a click remote peacefully and successfully robbing a bank going to space and then getting eight to nine feet on a backside air on a vert and then shane you went last and you took land terrorists taking over the school and then you defeat them and then the girl you like liking you back because of it the dallas mavericks are down by two and you get an assist on the play that wins sorry the game that the shot that ties the game actually actually. We never got into that.

It's a dunk, so it only ties the game. So then we're going to overtime on that. And that's where I win. I have a thrill for the dramatic. And then being at a concert where, can anyone here play guitar? Because the guitarist had a heart attack, and then you step up and start shredding. 30,000 feet in the air helping someone give birth

and then power lifting at the Tokyo Olympics, which are this summer. Now, we have two things here. We have two things we have to do now. First, we have to welcome a guest who has been here the whole time monitoring all of these proceedings. Now, this guest has a pick and then he might have something to say

about our drafts as well. Please welcome, enemy of the podcast, AFE Mel Kiper. Hello, everybody. You look so much different than I pictured you. I thought you were the most average white man you will ever meet. I thought you were a fucking geek.

I really did. For those listeners at home, he looks like Mel Kiper. I'm wearing a Baby Yoda shirt, so geek does work. I don't want that to be missed out on. So you're saying I was right the whole time. Yes, absolutely.

I don't show my face very often because why would I want people to know that's exactly what I look like? To be honest, you're much cuter than your Twitter profile pics. She's right. He looks, you guys keep saying all this stuff. He looks exactly like Mel Kiper. He looks like Mel Kiper.

He's dressed like Mel Kiper for all the listeners at home. It's basically Mel Kiper. He's got four Dr. Peppers and three Snickers and a big binder in front of him. I met the real Mel Kiperper one time it was uh it was fun i went to the i went to the nfl draft uh about 11 years ago or so um and he was nothing absolutely nothing just a normal weird looking kind of guy so Then you ripped off his dick and stole his identity. I like it. Listen, you got to do what you got to do. Fame has a cost.

To be fair, he's like right in the pressure cooker at that moment. He's right in the... Yeah. I will say... He's in the frying pan and the fire. The person I met that I loved was the guy that did the Stump the Schwab. If you remember that show. I remember that show.

I talked for like an hour. It was great. He was the nicest man I've ever met that had no reason to be nice to me. But yeah, we talked about everything with the draft and stuff like that. He was cool. Oh, that's so cool. That's awesome. Well, AFML, do you have a pick for the Fantasies draft?

I do have a pick. So my pick has always been, now I win win the powerball lottery so money is no longer an option i buy an island in the caribbean and on that island i set up a little private runway and a hotel that is staffed by my family that's close to me and stuff like that that is a ultra exclusive private island hotel where only celebrities can come. I can charge whatever I want. I can shoot paparazzi on site. You just, you don't get to be there. If you come, we've got a problem. And I just, I just get to schmooze. I mean, it, it feeds into that part of me that likes to be with famous people, you know, and, and I get to make money and, you know, just,

I golf, you know, just like you. Beautiful money and you know just i golf you know just like you beautiful and you have a private island yeah yeah does your family slash staff like tweet about all your guests shitty luggage and then make you feel bad about that that's absolutely not going to happen okay good most of my family doesn't know what twitter is. My wife actually Googled me for the first time last night to see what I put on Twitter because, because I had so many people DMing me and like reaching out about everything. So yeah. What are you wearing in this scenario?

What's your like day to day outfit? Cause I'm feeling linen in the wind, but I don't know. I don't want to. Linen's not really a fabric that suits me. I'm going to be more along the lines of like a dry fit polo okay this is why you asked yeah under armor shorts yeah and probably just the most comfortable pair of squishy flip-flops that that have ever so you gotta hit the links after this is like kind of like a golfing yeah the the golf cart for the

island is also my personal golf cart so it's got a decked out sound system in there you know it's always what do people call you what do people call you is it like a poppy or whatever you have like an island name yes yeah that's a solid island yeah yeah fuck yeah that's a solid that's a that's a beautiful fantasy that's fantastic did you now you were here for the whole draft do you have grades i i do have grades so i'm grading and we just have to fucking deal with it we just gotta take it yeah so i'll kind of do my normal thing i'll i'll give you your best pick and your your worst pick and your best value so we'll start with that this is hard face to face it's so, David, you went first.

The SEC football player absolutely had that fantasy. That is a top-notch one. I would have gone to Virginia Tech, followed in Michael Vick's footsteps, except for the dogfighting stuff. But the playing football, he was great. The Vick brothers have a confusing history with pizza. Yeah. Not the people, but the that's that's where i yeah yeah the worst pick it's got to be the nine kids uh i think i'm the only one here with kids i've only got two and that's rough that's the problem you need seven

more yeah i can't have any more i'm to have a baseball team without seven more kids? Yeah, well, that's a little much. So that's not going to be great. And probably the best value, that Clive Davis pick, I mean, aside from ripping dicks off, being a tastemaker, absolutely. You know, I'm someone that makes taste in the AFE world. I understand. So it works. That is the saddest sentence I've ever said. And I feel bad.

No, it's dope. No, no, no, no, no. You've really railroaded my career. That's been the point. That's the whole reason I started. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, get him. All right.

So, so Ian, you went second. Shit. I would say opening the sandwich shop is definitely the best pick i want to open a burger shop that would be mine yeah i'm a burgerman myself but you could be on the same block absolutely i mean we we can we can come together for you know a collab burger pastrami sandwich sort of thing you know panini burger outdoor tables yeah yeah absolutely the the jordans i just i didn't even grade the sneakers draft. I outsourced that.

I just don't get the shoe thing. I'll never get the shoe thing. And being good at golf, absolutely. I mean, I've got a course on the private island there, so I love that pick there. I might hit the old driving range after this. Oh, I wish. Oh, yeah. I wish.

Going to top golf it? See, that's the thing, David. With kids, you don't have time for the driving range. You just don't. Oh, no, no. All I had to do was work. Oh, yeah. I wish. Going to Topgolf it? See, that's the thing, David. With kids, you don't have time for the driving range. You just don't. No, no, no. All I had to do was work. Yeah, absolutely. Well, and trust me, that regional manager life, you don't want it.

It's awful. Name all nine kids right now, David. Distance, consonant, cammy, kit, kitten. Kit Kitten. Jeremy, Sar Jr., David 2, Elizabeth, Sarah,

Queen. Well, these are the only ones that live with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. These are the ones that I take responsibility for. You're like Sean Kemp. Queen lives with her mother, but she comes over on weekends yeah but you guys are still friends yeah no

af email continue your great yeah sean so the the vigilante justice is obviously i think everybody's had some version of that where you, somebody's being abused or taken advantage of. And, yeah, you just got to lay the hammer down. That's that's always a good one. The remote control for life. I don't love that. I mean, if it was something Zach Morris did, should I be doing it? I think the answer is generally no.

Good point. So I'm not really a big fan of that one. We're trashing Zach Morris now? He's notoriously trash. Yeah. It's literally a whole series. Come on, Shane. Come on, Shane! Let the man work, Shane!

Hey, don't come to my friend's house and start talking about the chip paint, alright? Listen, I've done more draft reads and you've been on episodes, okay? Oh, get him! Yeah, well, I've been on more episodes than you have yeah i don't know hey some of us made it to the league on some of us talk about how we could have

all right wrestlemania was two weeks ago wrestlemania was two weeks ago i'm fucking jacked right now yeah me too and then and then going to to the moon that yeah literally from five years old on i've wanted to go to the moon so that's that's absolutely one of the best picks there um right apart please oh here we go the saving the school and the girl you like likes you back i mean again it's something everybody's wanted to to have a girl you know like you because of your heroic feats um i don't know why terrorists were involved it could have just been anybody. But sure, that's fine. I mean, if they're taking over a school, they're terrorists.

Like, whatever's in your head, that's on you. I didn't get specific. Like, I didn't get specific. Okay. It'd be nice for you to be known for your heroic feats on Instagram instead of your disgusting feats on Instagram. Look, there's a lot of piggy ladies out there that like what I'm doing. I'm glad, Ian, you mentioned the fact that Shane only has an assist to tie the game

because the whole time I'm sitting here, I made sure to write that he was down two. You know, I thought the pump fake was to step back for a three, but instead he drove. Like, why? Why drive? You didn't let me finish.

God damn it. David got fouled and won. We win the game. Okay. Sure. All that time we took on that pick, we didn't let you finish. Actually, two hours later. Actually, Sean had a technical, and then I get to shoot.

Sean blew the game, and we cut it off. Get off your knees, ref. You know, one of those. Yeah, yeah. Porn apart by wolves after that game. Amazing. But thank you. And delivering a baby on a plane.

I think that's one that surprised me a little bit. It's a great pick. The only downside, and Sean, pay attention. Most women poop after they give birth. So you're going to have to deal with that. So that's going to be a bit gonna be a you think the doctor cleans up the shit after a baby is born i don't think i don't think the mother does yeah shane have you been in a delivery room because i've been in two and yeah yeah they do the doctors do well the

midwife usually delivers the baby but they're in there wiping it up. Yeah. I mean, the poop comes out with the baby. It's not like, you know, it's a whole lot of force coming. Well, guess I'm never having kids. As soon as we figure out who the dad is, then he'll just clean it up whenever Laura gives birth.

I thought we knew that. I'm just going to be in there chilling. Well, you'll know if it has a tail. So Mel, do you have grades for all of our picks? I do. David,

your grade is going to be an A minus. I'll take it. Ian, your grade is going to be a B plus. Well, all right. All right. All right. Sean, your grade is going to be also a B plus. All right.

And Shane, I can't believe I'm saying this. You got an A, buddy. That's an A. What a world we're living in. Even with just tying the game, it's the best list on the board, I gotta say. Maybe you should go back and look at some of the other things I've done. You drafted caramel corn and milk as a cereal. If it doesn't come in a box or a bag, it's not cereal.

It does come in a... It can come in a box or a bag. Great nuts. That's cereal. When Shane said to watch things he's done, he meant go watch Ron White's Salute to the Troops in the evening of Star Spangled Banter. That's still one more TV credit than you have.

I don only do TV That's a choice AFML we love you man Thank you so much for joining us Thank you for having me Before I go Can I list off a couple quick Shane names Yes

No What You want to give me an A And then you want to throw it on the fucking ground right after? Yes. Yeah. Otto Von Bisquick. Oh, my God.

Oh, wow. Brad Pitt Beef. Okay. Conway Twinkie. John Denver Omelette. And Mark Cuban Sandwich. Oh, I like that one. I And Mark Cuban Sandwich. Oh, I like that one. I like Mark Cuban Sandwich.

Oh, thank you. Oh, my God. You, this is, the food ones hurt the most. Well, we want to hear your picks. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE shaslackity. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE shaslackity.

Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you so much for holding us down. The biggest shout out to Super Producer Marissa. We love you, Marissa. Thank you so much for everything you do. I miss you. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean.

Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Sid the Dude. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gun podcast