All Fantasy Everything - Fantasy Everything (w/ Aaron Edwards, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

We’re doing it! The snake is swallowing its tail! This week on All Fantasy Everything we’re drafting “Fantasy Everything!” What the hell does that mean? Have a listen and find out.  Guest:    Aaron Edwards @ayroned IG: @ayroned  Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail]  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting fantasy everything. Returning with us today is a comedian and writer for Crooked Media and All Caps NBA. You can hear him weekly on the Locked On Sons podcast.

It's Aaron Edwards. I'm your host weekly on the Locked On Sons podcast. It's Aaron Edwards. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. Shut up, Aaron. You shut up. This is my time to talk. You talk later. It's not my fault for making this a confusing two-part introduction system.

It's your fault. And it's Sean and David's fault. They're also here. They're my friends and comedians. They're also on the podcast. But the only person whose fault it isn't is Ian Carmel and Marissa. It's neither of our faults. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything,

the podcast that is trying out calling people a mensch. Just for Hanukkah. Just for Hanukkah. How's it going? It's going good. I like it. A couple of three mensches. I love it. Am I saying it right? I feel like I've never said the word. Aaron texted me yesterday. Just full disclosure, due to travel

plans, we were recording this in December in the middle of Hanukkah. Aaron texted me asking if he could try out saying mensch as I am the Jewish Pope. Are you Jewish? The Pope of all Jews. The 100% Bar Mitz promit and everything uh i gave it the green light how it's mensch it's like mensch did you not you have only seen it written

yeah like i've only heard it like said but it's never came out of my mouth so i never thought i would say it right like it's not one of those words that i knew how to say and so i went to probably the only i wouldn't say the only jewish person I know. Like, I'm sure I know more, but you guys don't really just say it. It's when Christmas comes up, you're like, oh, yeah, my family doesn't celebrate Christmas. I'm like, oh, you were Jewish this entire time? Like, that's really how I usually find out my friends are Jewish.

Secret Jews. I find out because I ask. Yeah. Not in a weird way. Not in a comfortable way. Like, are you Jewish? Ian's quite vocal about it. That's how I found out. Yeah. Not in a weird way. Not in a comfortable way. I'm like, are you Jewish? Ian's quite vocal about it. That's how I found out.

Yeah. I'm quite vocal about it, and I'm quite vocal about it. You can tell just from listening to me talk. Oh, another. So I just opened my. So every year on the Patreon, on the Shaslackity, we do. Specifically, we do a secret Santa gift exchange. Did you guys do it this year yeah i just got mine and my guy got his yesterday i just got mine i don't know if the person i've sent it to got theirs yet but i just got mine from ashley persico

i hope i'm saying that last name right i think i am it's either persico or persico she sent me eight presents whoa what eight one for each night of hanukkah it's each inch of your oh yeah no sorry for each test for each testicle and they were all one for each of my testicles i will i have eight all jews do i uh each of them were like good enough to be the present a judapus come on that's very funny i was like each of them were good enough to be a present a judapus come on that's very funny i was like each of them were good enough to be a present on their own and each and they all connected to one another she was like open all eight at once and like i'm not gonna get the order right but she sent like

her favorite book of the year which is like perfect to read on a cozy day like a candle to burn while you're reading the book because it smells like a cozy cabin. Tea, like a kind of Earl Grey tea, which apparently connects to the book. She sent me a mug that she must have designed that says Hot Corner on it. Holy buckets. That's perfect timing also. She sent me a coffee.

She sent me Hanukkah-themed presents for the cats. She sent me a small envelope of arsenic so i am currently yeah i am currently dying but she sent me like a picture of me and dana and the cats that she drew and she and i sure oh and a mini like a mini big green egg like christmas ornament fucking crazy thank you so much ashley like i don't like i'm so touched that is so so so nice that is so sweet already but like oh my god that's amazing yes that that being said uh jason scott do not accept expect that yeah i got you some stuff it's's pretty cool. And, you know, chill out. Yeah, Joanna Esco, I got you a nice present.

I put some thought into it. It's unique, but it is not eight presents each building on each other's shoulders. I'm sorry, Joanna. Yeah. But I hope you enjoy it. Kristen, same. Let's make this a three banger. Do not expect that.

There was some thought uh obviously and i think there's a couple things in there that that you're gonna be stoked about so i think i got some good got him some good stuff though yeah i'm sure by this episode by this time the gifts have all gotten there i can say it i got her like a customized uh um oh what's it called stationary oh that's nice so i had it like printed up and made like with her name on it like just for her kind of thing i got she's in the stationary that's i like that yeah i got my guy a sylvan so cd because he can only listen to cds in his pickup truck i got some hot chocolate bombs because they're delicious and then i got him some campfire incense because he likes the smell of the outdoors.

That's what's up. Yeah. Got Kristen an exclusive AFE tour merch shirt. What? Because you can't get them. You can't get them. You can't get them. Oh, my God. That's not all I got. What are some used dunks? you can't get him you can't get him oh my god

that's not all I got what else some used dunks what else some hot sauce listen some Oregon milk chocolate and some Oregon dark chocolate I believe you mean we got her that shirt too

I'm not sure you like peeled off a 30 spot and put it in the kitty, did you? I have it ready to be peeled off. It will be paid for. I'm sorry. What else? Did you get her some chocolate? That's okay. Some spicy barbecue sauce.

There you go. So, yeah, that was all. Yeah, I figured. Okay, yeah. So, some chocolate that we probably got from a sponsor. Some spicy barbecue sauce that another listener sent you a bunch of manscape stuff like some body absolutely some hymns some hymns yeah a couple blue shoes some american giant pants shout out to them by the way get me through my uh chubbier run here since the wedding i have put on some weight since the wedding not like obviously not like what but like i am i am festive right now i'll tell you what doesn't help is 70 ounces

of steak at peter luger's that's oh my god that shit was a fuck it's gnarly because this is the first episode since new york but this will come out like in three episodes so but so be it we fucking went to aaron have you been to new have you been to new york have you been to peter luger's no i haven't been yet like uh before the pandemic i'm supposed to go like the next shows and then the world shut down but i was going to do a show out there but i still hope to get out there so hot beef bro we ate some hot beef yeah i saw the pictures it looked i've wanted to go to peter luger's for years yeah it was intense i mean it's the funny thing is it's so it's so basic feeling it's not but if you walk in and everything's well

lit it's like it's just rich food like a steakhouse and then they just bam two huge pieces of steak and they're just like go nuts he went with lance the vegetarian yeah lance bangs and his son and lance doesn't eat meat and we just went to fucking peter luger shout out to shane torres for piecing that all together i don't really eat a bunch of steaks though either so like uh even at harper's birthday i think you got the steak and i got like pasta or something like i don't even yeah you did dude i get little chop i had burgers you could chop up like i don't really mess with steak like that but when that's your psychopath you got a hamburger steak and that was yeah it was called a baseball steak baseball steak that was the night

i think i got dosed oh when you got the baseball steak at the outback and then we went to that austin powers themed bar yeah with becky robinson and her sister yeah something happened that was some or i got like crude or something it was like i don't know that was crazy anyway seanis jordan is here sean cougar millen jordan on instagram yeah seanis jordan on twitter what's happening sean eating a baseball steak uh sean eating a baseball steak sean doggy style a lot of people been calling me that keep with it everybody pretty much calling me that let's keep with that young micro Wave himself micro Wave

micro Wave Wave I forgot about that Sean how was your did you have a good time in New York I had an amazing time in Boston I might have had too good a time in Boston yeah they were you have a good time in new york i had an amazing time in boston i might have had too good a time in boston yeah they were i had a good time on the train david and i sat and we

talked for pretty much four hours straight and it was nice i sat with my wife in a different car my wife and i wife guy now wife guy everything the food was great broadway was great i mean you know everything we went to a pop-up pop-up jewish bar yeah shots shots a man of chevitz how was hugh jackman the what the what the music man it was great the music man was fantastic sean cried multiple times hugh jackman was two scoops of charm was he jacked man yes yeah you could tell there was one where he was wearing a thin enough shirt where you're like oh okay he still got it yeah he made me think honestly the he was so charming that i was like if i ran up on stage i bet you he'd just stop the play and want to go hang out with me he seems pretty cool that is a wild thought

because he sings in such a specifically weird kind of voice that like we do this thing around the house called huge acme voice so we just like try to sing in his voice and she's way too good at like give us a give us a yeah you can't start it not she's gonna get so mad because i'm so terrible at it it's just like um it's like do great like it's like down it's like he's like super low so it's just like you know like it's like something like that yeah yeah and she's really good at it him and russell crowe in les mis are just two dudes who well one dude who can't sing which is russell crowe and then one dude who like can get by which is hugh jackman but sutton foster was fucking phenomenal really great who okay uh not balky but the other guy from perfect strangers he was the mayor he's the

mayor and the music man that's right i didn't know that i because i didn't even open the play bill until today when i showed it to laura as someone from gary indiana that song is uh the bane of my existence oh yeah yeah that's right dude i've been to all those iowa towns gary indiana gary indiana yeah anyway it was it was uh it was lovely i was thrilled about it good being back i i don't i'm not young enough to do more than gosh i had i had five days in that city you were out till 5 a.m. one night. We were out. Yeah, we were out up till 6 probably. I mean, it was crazy, dude.

Yeah, you know. Crazy. And that was pretty much, even the night I took it easy and just went, I was like, I'll just go to the cellar with Shane and chill out. I still didn't even get to the hotel till 2. It's shocking how that city is so late. It's on fire. Yeah fire yeah yeah i think the thing about it is if you live there you don't go out every night no i mean also you're not staying in downtown brooklyn at a hotel you're like i did go to shane's crib in a neighborhood which felt

a much more calming and he took me to this like the town bar i swear to god it was just one of those like long hollow bars that you see boston buddy that's Boston, buddy. I know, but it felt like that. Just one of those long, hollow bars that has two people at it, and it was very calm. Tons of room. Seats. No, the hollow bar was the night before that. Yeah. Hollow, hollow.

Uh-huh. Anybody that's ready to bris. We're tallest, tallest. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. Not on twitter anymore it's david borre hey it's me it's him he's here he was in new york he went we went to a hanukkah themed bar we went to a hanukkah themed bar i had a drink i thought was good sean hated what was that one remember the one that i had when i sat down and sean tasted he was like that god it tasted like gasoline man it was no it tasted like kombucha oh i like kombucha i like both those things so i just had it for the first time like a couple months ago and i dig it it's good it's good it's like a healthy soda yeah smells like garbage tastes good yeah smells bad

smells bad i remember the first time i smelled kombucha, it immediately took me to the summer I worked at a grocery store and had to clean the can return machines. It's that same loose fermentation smell. And I was like, people drink this? What the fuck is wrong with you? Also, do you ever drink it wrong and you get the culture in your mouth and you're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. They call it the mother. Yeah. Did you just say get the culture in your mouth? For the second time today. Yeah, I'm here. Yuck. David's here.

I'm good. You know what I mean? Do you have any dates to promote? Either one of yous? I don't have my January dates. I'm going to be in Montana one of these days in january figured out nerds i'm doing a show at my buddy's skate shop on january 14th called smart collective and come to that it'll be fun uh it's he's super awesome i met him through this show he skates he's part of the pushing 40s pushing boardies crew his name's joel he has a

skate shop and um me and taylor clark are doing a show there on january 14th and it's going to be great so come to that it'll be really fun because it's in a skate shop it'll be great it'll be great okay it's gonna be fine like my like my secret santa gift you guys are just coming at me today that's fine i can handle it well you gave her a shirt that you had for free it was sitting in the garage it's like come on it was in my room and i thought i thought someone would appreciate it maybe i was wrong if you don't like the shirt send me a dm and i'll get you which one which of the three which of the three did you send the i think i sent the clive davis

that seems to be the popular there was no more big dogs so yeah clive seems to be the popular one i can't find this date i'm'm going to be in Montana sometime in January. Helena. Helena. I don't know, man. It's some casino. It's a weird gig. I kind of feel weird about taking it.

Bozeman. Balzac. Aaron Edwards is here. What's up? It's good to be here. You guys. Aaron Ed on Twitter. Aaron Ed on Instagram. Yeah. Aaron Ed on Twitter. Aaron Ed on Instagram.

Yep. Aaron Ed on Locked On Sons. Just complaining about the Sons, who are, as far as I can tell, still doing pretty good. Yeah. They got beat by 40, like, three games in a row. What are we talking about? That was a rough week. What was going on the other night? Patrick Beverly get into it with Chris Paul or something.

What did I see? They have, like, a longstanding just beef that's gonna is pat bev calling a butt ugly lunatic like he should be he's not about he's a handsome guy he's not attractive handsome and kanye doesn't like how handsome he is i don't think we've talked about that but yeah he had sex with kim kardashian that's how you know he's handsome sean yeah dude she doesn't fuck uggos no no no very good looking dude yeah reggie bush is a good looking dude we're just going off if you've had sex with kim kardashian that makes you attractive yeah i think that's a fair connie's not like a i would say kanye's handsome he's not attractive ray j is not particularly attractive either i'm gonna kill you are you serious you don't think ray j is handsome

that guy who looks like the devil in a good way now she had sex with jr smith we're talking but i don't think she has you think jr smith is more attractive than ray j i think so i'm gonna shoot you with the gun hold on a second now i'm like do i know what Ray J looks like? Hotter than J.R. Smith. Oh, yeah. J.R. Smith was my original argument. I mean, the Ray J she had sex with is hotter than J.R. Smith. What's wrong with J.R. Smith? J.R. Smith looks like a stupid person. And I'd say that loving J.R. Smith.

Let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater. I'm just saying there's no world where it's Ray J. His name's Ray J. I guess Chris Humphries was actually kind of handsome. He looks like a Disney prince a little bit in certain pictures. Well, I don't think Chris Paul is. The point is. Chris Paul's not.

Wait, you think Chris Paul did have sex with Kim Kardashian? I don't know. I don't care. No. I wish I cared more what he said at this point. I think it's just a funny thing. It doesn't change my life at all. No.

I will say that accusation was my favorite bit of Kanye West's. Oh, of all his bits? Mania recently. I think my top 2022 Kanye West moment was him accusing Chris Paul of sleeping with Kim Kardashian. Yeah, the bits in between that probably aren't the best ones. If we were fantasy drafting Kanye West 2022, I would probably, I think Chris Paul's a pretty clear number one pick. And then maybe that's all he did with the game. Yeah.

It's tough. Nobody wants to get in on this Kanye West. And his basketball school getting shut down i don't know uh locked on sons they're pretty and they're locked into fourth place you know what i mean that's not that's not so bad it's an ugly fourth place though like it doesn't look good and i think yeah we're spoiled over here but we're allowed to be spoiled it's been a a good two years, but I'm allowed to get mad. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So many different things could have happened by the time this comes out, too.

Oh, yeah. Hopefully, Kyle Kuzma is a son by the time this comes out. If so, that's pretty dope. Yeah. He feels like he should be in Phoenix, Kyle Kuzma. Yeah, I think he just has Scottsdale written all over him. He just seems like a Scottsdale dude. He's just going to parlay at the cheesecake factory sign me up for

that dude uh aaron do you have anything to promote uh no not really but i'm definitely gonna start doing stand-ups so much more next year so my dates will be on instagram twitter i'll start posting those but yeah i'm gonna i miss it so i'm about to get back out there and do it a lot more fantastic now that robert sarver sold Suns, your boy is out. You've got to find a new thing to do. The guy who bought the Suns just had $4 billion sitting around? He joined his dad's company. His brother has like $3 billion.

They're just like a bunch of rich dudes. He walked on at Michigan State, Sean. The guy who owns the Suns now. I know that. I'm married to a graduate. Did you know that? I'm married to a graduate. you know that i'm married to a graduate we know everything that goes on at michigan state yes all right matine cleaves i know who that is now sure nothing to do with harper uh magic johnson draymond green so i yeah i think i know draymond green native michigander is he I didn't know that. Yeah, he's from Saginaw. Look at that.

Russ Scott. Hi to him from Saginaw. My name is Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Macaroni and Cheese for Thanksgiving app. Where'd you get the movement going? I need all the chosen people to hop on board.

What do I got coming up? I don't think we have any dates to promote. No. Thank you, everyone, for coming out to the run of shows we did in the fall and winter. We will have new dates coming up soon. Watch the Late Late Show. We only got a few months left. Listen to all fantasy everything.

And just be excellent to one another. We are gathered here today not to talk about Saginaw, Michigan, although we could go on. But to fantasy draft a topic Aaronaron came up with fantasy everything or fantasy anything this is all fantasy everything and we are drafting today anything from the world of fantasy the genre of fantasy we're drafting fantasy stuff right yeah? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Might get a little, might, might get a little wild at the end, but yeah.

Aaron, are you a fantasy? Are you a fantasy fan? Oh, for sure. I have tattoos of some of the stuff that's probably going to come up today. So yeah. We got a tattoo of Willow. I've seen it.

Yeah, but it's willow smith it's just lyrics i whip my hair it's just i whip my hair back and forth on my lower that's a warning um we're getting the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissor shoot ah aaron wins a rock against two paper aaron is the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that it's a great question it's like when pac-man goes and eats all the pellets. If you've ever played Pac-Man, it's a popular video game.

And the whole point of the game is to eat these pellets before the ghosts get you. The only way to stop the ghosts from getting you is to eat the big pellet. But you want to save the pellets for the kind of the emergency time. So what you do is you just go. I anyways, I start as well as I can on the bottom and I go all the pellets on the left all the way to the right. And then I go up a little bit, try to get all the pellets from the right all the way to the right and then I go up a little bit try to get all the pellets from the right all the way to the left up a little bit

all the way over to the right again. So you clear the till you clear the game and then you get to the baby levels. Then they meet then they kiss and they have kids. That's great. Basically what it means is we pick fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round or that whatever. Now with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be

before the baby levels and the kiss and the getting married? You ever got to the baby levels? It's hard to get there. No, I've never gotten to the baby levels. I didn't know that was a thing until just now. When they start having kids, man, it's tough. Let's go. I was nice with Pac-Man for a while.

Me, Ian, Sean, David. Go outside and break that coffee mug. i don't think i've ever fucking gone sean fantasy everything indeed she sent me a fucking hot corn mug yeah it looks like she should have sent it to my house all right i had to switch it on and pack that up set it down the lawrence second or third what's the order i'm going second all right sheds blinking black it out i don't know what to do is it i don't know if i've ever gone second this is weird this feels weird i don't think you have that's why i had to do it is it fuzzy in here it feels feels fuzzy to me. My teeth hurt. My liver's wet.

What's going on? Jesus Christ. All right. Fuck. Okay. Aaron, you have the first pick in the Fantasy Anything, All Fantasy Everything. We'll get to that pick right after this short break. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed except of course for locked on suns but those two cover everything that's pretty much

it man we have the rest of the world locked on suns has the suns but everything else is us if you heard two people talking about the situation with you know yeah like uh like the energy crisis in europe that was us yeah i mean we'll talk about the sun's content but you know i don't have anything favorable to say about it so i don't know if you i don't know if you're well yeah it's like how kopi and kwame brown technically scored the most points for a duo in nba history but kopi had 81 of them it's like that sort of thing how many did kwame have that that game yeah like four nice i didn't know that that means that's the next highest scorer on the on the lakers that night had four points that's probably true that's crazy i mean when one person scores 81 the other person you know yeah you just get a bucket and then all of a sudden

you're the duo and then you should be good aaron you you have the first pick in the fucked up order, the sick and twisted, frankly, frankly, I hate to throw this word around, perverted order you pick. It's a perverted order that flies in the face of conventional all fantasy everything draft pick orders,

but you have the first pick. Nothing perverted about that. What is it? The first pick in the all fantasy anything, all fantasy everything. I got to go with the easy one one i have a tattoo of this i don't agree with the arthur arthur in any way don't come at me for this but i'm picking hogwarts hogwarts yeah yeah absolutely hogwarts from the start i got a harry potter tattoo of course years ago what harry potter tattoo do you have cho chang he's a real head

i walked by there was a restaurant called cho or something called cho chan in in new york that we were walking by and i was like now wait a minute i'm all about cho chang just artistry of naming a character an asian person at your school like it doesn't get any better than that it gets worse it definitely gets worse than that who are the the jews like we run a bank in harry potter i love it i also love harry potter yeah yeah i love harry potter i'm not saying this to diminish your pick at all and i think hogwarts is especially charming but boy we're like goblins who run a bank. I mean, look what they did to you on Star Trek. Look what they did to us in everything.

Star Wars? It's bad. It's cold. It's cold for us Jews out here. I mean, us in Star Trek, too, though. Yeah. Yeah. They don't feel pain, the Klingons.

Yeah. They just fight. Did you have Lando Calrissian? Oh, you have Lando. Always eating macaroni and cheese on star trek thanksgiving where was he getting that relaxer in space that's my question dude i don't know i was relaxing his hair yeah did we just say like 15 picks that's space yeah yeah star trek yeah yeah that's different what wait i don't know i don't know i was having this talk i think. Wait, is that fantasy too? I don't know. I was having this talk, I think, a little bit. But yeah, I don't know.

Star Trek is fantasy? No, sci-fi, dude. Yeah, that's what I always thought. Okay. Well, it didn't. I'm just... You gotta redo? Let me just do some tweaks.

No, I'm good. What house would you be in Hogwarts? I'm sure you've thought about this. It would probably be Slytherin. I mean, like my... Damn! You think you're Slytherin? My tattoo is a Slytherin tattoo.

So yeah, probably. You fucking bastard! Why would you be Slytherin? Not all of them are terrible people, though. I'm just saying that... That is never the greatest argument. Some of them are good guys. Before Harry got there they

won and everything they had the best team like i'm just saying like sports wise i would probably roll with that oh i think i'd be a ravenclaw yeah ravenclaw feels cool i'm a hufflepuff the nice ones who are the in my hufflepuff you're a hufflepuff for sure dude oh i think you want to be a griffin you're a gryffindor rising yeah no he's hot you're a hufflepuff for sure, dude. Oh, I think you want to be a Gryffindor. You're a Gryffindor rising. Yeah. No, you're Hufflepuff through and through. Yeah, Hufflepuff's the party house. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I could be a Hufflepuff. I think I might be a Gryffindor. I think everybody wants to think they're Gryffindor. Which one's Gryffindor? Aaron, diagnose everybody with a Hogwarts test. Sean, Hufflepuff. Ian, definitely Hufflepuff. Yeah, everybody's Hufflepuff. This is a Hufflepuff potan definitely hufflepuff yeah everybody's this is a this is a hufflepuff pot yeah but i'm a gangster not a mr ravenclaw ravenclaw gotta do a like math

equation to get into their room like it's a nerd house oh hell no never mind all right yeah definitely not ravenclaw absolutely not ravenclaw wore purple that's my main thing there cameron i want to be gd hufflepuff so i'm gangster disciple hufflepuff and then i'll do it i don't like that i don't like that at all oh gryffindor's courage chivalry and determination that doesn't sound like me either what's what's hufflepuff big ass dongs that's what it says hufflepuff? Big ass dongs. That's what it says. Hufflepuff have a podcast? Hufflepuff members are patient, fair, hardworking, and sometimes blandly nice.

Well, that doesn't sound right either. Feels like it sometimes. You know what? We're Florida State. We're different. Wait, what does Ravenclaw say? Just so I can get it out of my head. All right, let me look up Ravenclaw.

Well, Aaron's saying they do math. That's not us. I want to know what else they do. Wit, learning, and wisdom. I mean, we're witty. I don't learn much. We have hard one wisdom. I don't learn a lot.

That's on you. I like to think I'm constantly learning. I speak for some of my house. I just don't learn a lot that's that's on you i'd like to think i'm constantly like speak for some of my house i just don't learn much so yeah i don't know i just don't learn much well you're a hufflepuff dude for sure okay all right patient fair hard working and nice that's you dude yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, you're right. Well, now, hold on. What's Slytherin? Slytherin says... Wow, it doesn't even say. What is it known for?

Ambitious, cunning, and resourceful. That doesn't sound bad. The cunning, but cunning could... It doesn't need to be terrible. I bet they would have referred to the bankers as cunning and resourceful. For no reason at all. No, no reason at all. no reason at all i love hogwarts i love the little town what's the little christmas town that it's in oh uh where they go to the bars and stuff um

yeah this isn't a gotcha question yeah whatever that is seems like is that one of the things that's where they buy the school stuff yeah yeah office max harry potter office max is diagonally i feel i feel like harry potter is a those can count as christmas movies at least the first one sure the halloween movie too and the third one's a halloween song i feel like the opening song or whatever is a christmas song like the harry potter sure yeah it just feels christmasy to me yeah that makes me think of santa like sneaking around or something yeah yeah also that's like kind of an interpolation of an i think either a nutcracker the song from the nutcracker or something like that not important would it be so much funnier if they

call it the butt cracker yeah the butt cracker I'd go see every year got a big solid laugh out of me right away having never thought of it so yeah yes it would have been what if they called them a school hog farts it's all there somebody get rallying on the phone we went to the Met and everywhere it said art I in my mind I was like oh someone drew a fart instead

of art everywhere it said art at the Met that's all I kept thinking was what if somebody put an F there what if somebody put an f in front of where it says every single one though what if somebody broke in one night and did that to every single time it says art on the wall this is why i think you're banksy because your mind fucking thinks like that dude i'm twisted i'm pretty sure you're banksy and you're not telling us and then put the joker on one of those big tapestries dude the joker banks the fucking modern day joker is banksy dude i don't i don't i'm not I'm pretty sure you're Banksy and you're not telling us. And then put the Joker on one of those big tapestries. Dude, the Joker. Banksy, the fucking modern day Joker is Banksy, dude.

I don't. I don't. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. I'm not going. You all know it's true. The modern day Joker is Banksy, dude.

And the modern day Banksy is the Joker. It's always true. Just before everybody on Twitter gets at me for not remembering, it's the Hogsmeade't come at me oh yeah they would have got on my ass i can't have that don't come at him yeah yes let him know let him know that he looked it up i was watching him look it up so hey ron that's a y r o n e d and that's a cross social media platforms light them up like a christmas tree folks just because january doesn't mean this holidays i have to stop uh time for my first pick a little early huh feels weird i don't like it i've gone first before second this feels weird dude i go second all the time think about that i know you do uh okay okay shit okay I actually have, I'm utilizing a lot of strategy in this draft.

Okay. I think I got to take a first round talent before I want to take the player who's number one on my board. Okay. Because I think I can get the player who's number one on my board later. And this is just wide open.

This is a wide open fantasy. Right. So I'm taking tropes and specifics, whatever we want to do. I'm just fucking taking dragons, dude. Yeah, totally. Man, that was going to be my pick.

I'm so mad. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. Marissa and I take dragons with the second overall pick. Anytime a dragon shows up in something, it fucking elevates it. It elevates it. It's exciting. It's exciting. I can start saying, I mean, i could name all the franchises the dragons show up in i love every kind of dragon i love a friendly dragon i love a greedy dragon like smog for

example you know what i could never get over is that every time they say smog it sounds like cartman saying smog and every time it's like man you didn't every time they're like oh no smog is coming and you're just like you just sound like cartman dude it's so i'm picturing cartman ready to fight this fake dragon well i don't even know what smog is from the hobbit and the lord of the and the lord of the rings i mean i can say like we know we all know what i mean if i gotta bring them up i'll bring them yeah the dragon that loves gold the dragons in game of Thrones, the dragons in House of the fucking dragon.

They're fucking sick. They're giant war machines who are like, a lot of them are like smart and wise so they can be bargained with and reasoned with and everything. They're eternal. They seem to sleep for a long time. Matthew McConaughey in that one movie.

Damn, Ring of Fire. Ring of Fire. they seem to sleep for a long time when a matthew mcconaughey in that one movie um damn ring of fire he jumps out of the accident just gets eight yeah yeah mcconaughey v dragon dude i'm real for that versus uh i like i don't know i just i think they're fucking right i just think it's interesting that they exist across cultures like there's dragons in like i mean like obviously welsh and english and like french and german mythology but also in fucking like far like chinese mythology and everything they're like dragons show up interesting i wonder if that's because they were finding dinosaur bones and they were like what the fuck is this or like what was going on why wouldn't you think it's because there were dragons yeah i think they were dragons yeah you don't nobody be? I like to think it's because there were dragons. Yeah, I think there were dragons.

Yeah, you don't. Nobody wants to find a femur that's like 40 feet long and be like, oh, I bet this thing was boring. You know, they're like, yeah, no, this thing was cooking. It could fly and breathe fire and shit. This thing ate vegetables and trees. Yeah. Yeah. I bet this thing was slow and ate the top of all the trees.

Like, fuck that. Puff the magic dragon. He's like a chill guy. Pete's dragon. There's also like very chill dragons who just want to hang out and have fun you know like this spyro dude oh that was a fun game just i like dragons feel like the thing that like fantasy hinges on all the best fantasy has dragons involved and now they're on my team sean jordan time for your first pick uh i guess then i'm gonna go down that road and what was the other road you were gonna go down star trek specifics

there's like yeah i was gonna go down the space travel road no there's like specifics where you pick like shows or movies but i'm gonna go down that road and pick sorcerers bro so i wrote it with a comma bro so sorcerer bro bro yeah it's just it just sounds cool just the term sorcerer sounds insane to me and thinking that there was somebody was pretty tight yeah jafar was for sure they all are and they're all evil i mean whatever a lot of them are butt ugly they're either butt ugly or wicked hot they are man feels like they're all evil. I mean, whatever. A lot of them are butt ugly. They're either butt ugly or wicked hot. It feels like they're ugly ladies hot dudes, and I don't know what to think about that. Yeah, it is!

Man, the sorcerer lady in Robin Hood, she looks insane. They're like both fake eyes that look like they're made out of rocks. You're just like, alright, lady. It's bananas. But yeah, just a sorcerer. I don't know. It's just an interesting thing to think it goes real who's your favorite who's your favorite sorcerer probably

jafar yeah what if erin hadn't said jafar earlier yeah no it would have been jafar for sure anyway i think your favorite part about jafar i don't know if i believe you aladdin's my favorite disney movie most days except for the lion king steps in what's your favorite part about jafar i don't know if i believe you aladdin's my favorite disney movie most days except for the lion king steps in what's your favorite song from aladdin i don't know the names at one step ahead of the what is it the first i just feel like i've never heard you talk about aladdin until just now dana's never seen any pickles and peanut butter we've had this conversation just because just because you haven't heard me talk about it a ton doesn't mean that i don't like it. You talk about a lot of movies, a lot. Where are the sorcerers?

And the tombstone doesn't have a sorcerer. I'm just saying I've never heard you talk about Aladdin, ever. Straight Outta Compton doesn't have a sorcerer unless you see Dre on those fucking ones and twos. Straight Outta Compton has a sorcerer. An implied sorcerer. He's played by Paul Giamatti. No, no, no.

I'm not getting trapped again. This is the macaroni and cheese situation. It'd be funny to go through my movies and see who's the sorcerer. Every movie has a sorcerer. Every piece of Western art has a sorcerer. 80% of the time it's Paul Giamatti. It's usually Paul Giamatti. But not in Sideways.

That's what's weird. It's Thomas Hayden Church. Just got to find the sorcerer in every movie. but not in sideways that's what's weird it's thomas hayden church just gotta find the sorcerer in every movie there's some good sorcerers in lord of the rings like worm tongue or whatever yeah yeah there is who and i have trouble with like who who's who in game of thrones um i don't even know if there's are there sorcerer i guess there's that witch yeah there's that red witch yeah it's like i don't know but no you consider a witch a sorcerer i think so yeah i think that i think it's an umbrella term because then there's like sorcerer like a malignant magician to you like a bat like an evil i don't want to say a witch a witch and a heretic are the

equal versions of of what they are so i think a sorcerer is kind of the umbrella term right do you mean a warlock or yeah wait what's term, right? Do you mean a warlock? Or yeah, wait, what's a heretic? Yeah, I do mean a warlock. A heretic is someone who is like a, does not believe in a certain religion or flies against that religion. Oh, so I'm a heretic.

Catholics called non-Catholics heretics. Yes, I meant warlock. But like they're the same thing, witch and a warlock. And I think they'd both be sorcerers, right? Yeah, I think so. I forget what i've had this debate with i think with dana where i can note warlock with evil and witch with evil

although not lately with witches go see david board do stand-up comedy i'm not giving up any drugs i'm not saying what the joke is just go see didn't do stand-up comedy yeah please do though i need people to buy tickets yeah one of the best jokes i've ever heard i'm a little i'm a little offended jafar would have been the person i would have said i really he really would have been first of all you've never heard me talk about jafar but what other sorcerers have i ever talked about back me into a corner talk about aladdin dog never had to we were going to train for four hours today when was i going to bring up three times straight out of compton and menace to society i'm just saying man it's a little sus oh dog and dr dre to name the sorcerers in those movies but i'm just saying i listen i'm with you i had i you said i had to talk about sorcerers

jafar would have been the one that i chose he would have i listen all right yeah weed smells good boozy's a dope rapper what do you want i'm ensorcelled by your pick sorcerers bro david boy time for your first and second picks as it is a serpentine draft I'm taking magic weapons yeah like a sorcerer stuff I should have taken it yeah I don't know how you thought it wasn't gonna go I don't know

I don't know I don't know good about it yeah you know there's always some kind of blessed sword that only kills you can only kill the beast with this one thing or it's of course our dude it's keeper it's a bow strung with the hair of an elf or some shit there's a lightsaber this sword is only meant for you sealed your air like yeah totally yeah magic web it's in all of them oh fuck and you always get that feeling where they get it where you're like it's gonna be okay Like, yeah, totally. Yeah. Magic weapon. It's in all of them. Oh, fuck.

And you always get that feeling where they get it, where you're like, it's going to be okay. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Oftentimes the weapon chooses them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh God. Yeah. Love it. There's nothing cooler than like a sword with a name. A sword with a name that was for you. Yeah. For you.

Like anytime there's a video game where it's like you get a weapon, but it has a name. You with a name that was for you yeah for you like anytime there's a video game where it's like you get a weapon but it has a name you know what i mean like hadrian's bane or like whatever you're like fuck even if it's worse than the normal sword it's like no i'm using this sword the sword of the lord's light or something like yeah oh fuck sign me up like the india oblo or whatever when you get those like named weapons. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's so good. Oh, Ian, what's the significance with getting a sword for your wedding? I didn't even know that was a thing, and I thought that was so cool.

Oh, yeah. Well, hold on one second. Uh-oh. Oh, Ian's pulling up with a sword. Ian's getting naked. Whoa. Whoa. There we are.

Yeah, that thing's so sick. That can be only one. Wait, what's it doing? You have it on your shoulder, doesn't it? You're not nervous about that? You have to cut a cake no matter what. You weren't nervous about that being so close to your neck just now? It's not sharp. At all?

Not really, no. All right. You got to cut the cake. And I figured it would be fun. Dana likes medieval history so much to have a sword made yeah okay so it's not like some sort of jewish tradition no god i wish it was put on the hill there that's awesome yeah like i if i ever get proposed to you i don't really like rings but i want someone to propose with a sword yeah that's cool yeah

you like by sword point i think that would be cool i want someone to propose with a sword. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. You hear that? By sword point? I think that would be cool. I want someone to give me, I want a sword. I want a wedding sword. You deserve a sword. You should have a sword. Thank you. Thank you.

Or like, I could see like if they kneel down and be like, Marissa, would you marry me? And then present the sword to you. Yes. And if you unsheathe it. That's exactly how I want it. If you unsheathe it. Oh, that's good. Then you say yes.

And if not, you unsheathe it anyways and just cut their head off exactly and then yeah say you're not worthy next off with their heads off with their head yeah and you can just get a sword that's what's cool price it price price everyone should have a sword i mean like i know sword guys sometimes get a bad rap but like now that i've become one we rule i think swords are probably mad at weed for giving them a bad rap because i never knew a sword guy who wasn't also like a drug dealer or something and that's why yeah drug dealers love swords yeah their money's all tied up in sword but like if i went to someone's crib and they like had a put together crib or whatever and there happened to be like a katana somewhere i wouldn't have thought they were so weird you know i once bought a bunch

of drugs off this guy who had he made his own chain mail whoa how about that it was a weird scene in there man he was the kind of guy who sells a bunch of drugs i bought weed from like the my kids aren't here right now. Types. I've been in some sketchy hubs. Yeah. He had made a piece for him and his girl. And it was like all off these little, he would get these ringlets of like wire.

Yeah. And he would just like with 10 snips, like snip off and then braid it and snip off. So it was like very a tweaker activity but you know he had pounds for the love yeah the chainmail guys are more like my kids aren't allowed to be here type people not not the my kids are gone right now yeah i don't think there was kids in the house he was making chainmail for him and his girl he was ready though the state said that yeah the state was like it's the chainmail of the kids what's gotta go i can't believe i didn't get magic weapons

yeah but yeah magic weapons and then my second pick is uh royalty hiding in plain sight oh that's so good like that's never ever happened in real life that like somebody was like oh i was actually a prince but i grew up on no they take care of their own that but in fantasy it can happen all the time oh yeah oh he's a writer of rohan wait he's actually a king yeah well why have you worked in the stable your whole life well yeah it's like no that's the stable is for stable people that's like they're just running away from their honor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or they didn't or somehow they didn't know because it was like hidden to protect them. Yeah. When it's like in real life, I feel it works quite the opposite. Yeah. I've learned enough like secondhand history facts from being married to Dana Schwartz that I can tell you that like even when someone is like a like a secret royal or whatever like they just live the way a king would but without the title you know what I mean they're always like rich

they're all like they're like no you still get to go live in this castle it's just like you have to stay in that castle kind of thing they're all like nobody's like oh I work in the stables but I'm a king you know in real life they're all just rich people it's insane but in fantasy it's like they're dead yeah it's the it's you know it's exciting to think that yeah it's really exciting to think about because you like i could just be maybe maybe i

maybe i'm not supposed to work in pig shit but now you are your pig shit your dad's pig shit you're always gonna be a big shit no i'm just kidding yeah but yeah you don't have a sword in royalty it's it's a fun fun fantasy trope i love it also they also like will often like come back for their rightful throne and yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah to declare what was once his yeah or what is the true heir to the throne and he like dethroned someone yeah the person that's been running shit has been like evil and then like the rightful person goes yeah yeah he's like i'm back i was working in the stables for a while yeah you just want to tell him like when you left when you left home to go be broke on purpose for a while to see what that felt like i could have

told you you were going to come back here and do this yeah people died while you were off on rumspring yeah yeah you didn't need to go ride the rails for fun. You know, the crusades. Yeah. Rich kids slumming it. But yeah. Royalty hiding in plain sight.

Excellent. Sean Jordan. Just learn this word. I think it's a word. Medievalism. Is that a word? I don't know. I don't know.

I honestly don't know this. It would just be like medieval things like everything is like just all the medieval vibes that you get from fantasy stuff that feels maybe too big to draft well then if then i'm gonna do another trope and i'm gonna say waterfalls well yeah absolutely that's what yeah well there we go waterfalls are real with medievalism yes but that's almost like two it's too all-encompassing all right well waterfalls then wait but waterfalls how's waterfalls fantasy i'm confused yeah you're getting you're getting checked everywhere

they're like everywhere in fantasy movies it's fun like lord of the rings there's always like a fun waterfall backdrop they're just all over the place all the scenes that happen all the people all the secret deals that go on all of the people who find out their royalty whatever like there's always just a waterfall around i can i mean i guess i'll keep seeing picks i would love to see your list i don't i don't think these were your first well i mean i had swords on there but we kind of did that i was definitely more in the because swords are real, but they're a trope of fantasy. It's magic weapons.

Why don't you take some of the, like, I don't want this to sound condescending. I don't mean it to be. When you say medievalism, what are some more specific examples of that? You know what I mean? Well, no. How about this? I'll go a specific person tim curry as the dark lord and legend fuck yeah there we go that's a fantastic terrifying yeah

fuck me up as a kid it's so scary you know what's funny is that movie kind of sucks now yeah when you watch it i remember it being like the best movie of all time and it's not good but tim curry is amazing in that movie that's about it though he looks fucking insane well when you know it's tim curry when you know it's so if you don't know it's the bellhop the the the leader of the hotel crew and home alone too that's tim curry he also played the original pennywise also plays the dark lord in this movie called legend which was tom cruise's like second movie maybe or first yeah yeah and my mom loved it when we i loved it when i was a kid because my mom loved it and i watched it i don't know maybe a decade ago and it's it's really bad it's just like horns yo his are so big dude he's amazing in that movie amazing in that movie his horns

are just gigantic they look ungainly like no wonder he's in such a bad mood dude okay he's probably always got a headache yeah they're so gnarly and he was scary he was one of the first things i was scared of in a movie when i was a kid where i was where i was like didn't want to watch it because he freaked me out so bad yeah that he i haven't i don't think i've seen legend since i was a kid yeah i mean you know good i don't know but he probably probably did a lot of stuff by waterfall so i'm just saying probably probably most of his like killing or bad stuff by waterfall by like more evil waterfalls or like a medieval sort of like knights of the round table kind of waterfall type

situations so curry had already signed on for the movie legend before the design of the dark lord of darkness had been finalized oh that's funny so with each new piece of concept art he was like more and more of his face was being covered. And then eventually they gave him contact lenses to eight hours a day to put the makeup on eight hours a day before shooting. That's fucking crazy. I would really want to do some long shoots if that were if that was happening. The horns were initially too heavy and had to be reduced. So they were actually bigger horns. Tim Curry as the Lord of darkness and legend time for my second pick and i'm going to drink fuck i really wanted

that weapons that have names thing i'm gonna take riding something that isn't a horse oh god yes yeah save a horse ride a cowboy save a horse you like there's horses all over the place in fantasy they're great it's not unique to the genre though westerns you could argue have even more horses but in fantasy that's the only genre where you're out here riding crazy shit you're riding unicorns you're riding griffins you're riding wolves just like big fucked up wolves sometimes princess mononoke eagle yeah princess mononoke yeah exactly riding an eagle. Yeah, Princess Mononoke. Yeah, exactly. Riding an eagle like Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. Dragons.

You're riding fucking dragons to connect to my one of your earlier picks. When a character shows up and they ride something that isn't a horse, you're like, this fucking guy. Yeah. Look at this fucking guy. And it's always like they have a closer bond than they would with a horse. Absolutely. Yeah, they're more like partners.

If you're riding a goat, that's like your best friend goat yeah exactly yeah some dude riding the goat probably had to like earn that thing's trust so they probably tried to kill him at some point before they became close yeah yeah and if you're riding something else it's like it's always smarter than a horse right exactly it's clever it It can go handle something on your own. You can be like. It chose to be with you. A horse just kind of has to. Right. You can be like, go, wind blade.

Go get help. Like the deer. The deer you ride knows. It's like. And then it runs off and brings an army back with it. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's its own king.

Like, when you're not hanging out with it, it's the king of the other wind the other wind blades right it's the king of the wind blades yeah exactly for sure even if you want to go like as dumb as like he-man where they're riding tigers and shit like that that's fucking awesome dude skeletor riding that like that like jaguar or whatever it's it's fucking sick i love falcor yeah never ending story exactly dude i just like i'm into it sign me up if if there's character show especially if there's like a whole like army or like race or whatever and they all come in writing wolves or writing like whatever i'm like yeah they have their own because you know they have their own lore and history and story and everything where you could be like maybe i'll'll find out more about them. I just love it.

Yeah. It's like a signifier that there's like, there's more going on here. Everybody quick, quick one round draft. Marissa, you included if you could ride any animal that wasn't if you could tame any animal that isn't a horse dragon. A hundred percent.

Yeah. Dragon. There it is. Dragons off the board, Sean. I don't know polar bear pretty pretty dope that is fucking sick golden compass yeah oh yeah that bear gets all drunk aaron aaron you pick a whale whale yeah damn okay all right sick what kind of whale? Like a killer whale. Okay, Orca. Fantastic. David? Uh... It's a whale. Lion. Male lion.

Lion's pretty sick. Big penguin, dude. Big penguin. I like that you're bigger than your animal. I thought it was a big penguin if it was like a very strong two raccoons and i had one on each foot that's pretty cool you ride them like rollerblades they carry you around like you're a big couch yeah also is rollerblading coming back oh it never went away did we talk about this the other day i think we want to talk about this no it's not i think it is kind of coming back dude no

not and it's come up like it multiple bar conversations for me in the last month based on which pants are coming back with the kids i could see rollerblading coming back i think it's kind of coming back pretty short so rollerblading was here for about two years if we're being dead honest it had about two years in the sun sean you're gonna get you you're gonna get mad at me as far as a form of transportation rollerblades is like the smarter option sure nobody ever said a skateboard was how to how you get from a to b unless you're going from somewhere dope to somewhere dope if you're on rollerblades literally everything else with, that's what they're for. That's how you know skating's tighter.

Or less efficient. I mean, rollerblades have never been like, or maybe they have been and I missed it, but like a form of artistic expression. I can't believe that somehow a conversation about rollerblading just got started and everyone seems to be riding for it for some reason. And it is the dumbest looking thing you can do that's also aggressive you can do it up a hill that's all i'm saying as a person that knows how to ice skate i know how to rollerblade too and if it comes back that's my

time to shine see he's in any dipshit can figure out how to rollerblade it's the wackest thing in the world you're not a dipshit i don't think so to be really good at it i figured out how to do it so any dipshit can i got i got the video i still skate backwards no well that's different that's a different story that's that's impossible nobody what if there's another world and i saw that video i've seen a lot of videos of you skateboarding i saw that video of you rollerblading it felt free skating excuse me but it felt free it was huge big difference roller skating is amazing rollerblading is the worst no there's a difference nobody was ever doing our jobs i get it i met a girl for a date once and she was riding around on rollerblades it was wild nice be a short date man i'll tell you that right right to the fucking chapel to get married what if maxine comes to you in five years and she's like peepaw or whatever weird thing she calls you sean i won't be calling me sean sean

after basketball practice can i go rollerblade no wow i believe you no yeah so serious you can go practice more basketball or do anything else you want but no you can't rollerblade you're wild i'd probably let her i'd let her i'd let her rollerblade of course i'd let her roller this must have would have been like to be in belfast during the troubles you know what i mean just like the catholics and the protestants you can do anything she wanted unfortunately i'm i'm not going to be able to say no to her ever aaron that's very sweet maybe you should start rollerblading david bory we had such a good train ride okay don't ruin it aaron this could literally take three hours why don't you go ahead and take your second and third pick all right um i'm shocked it made it this far honestly but i'm gonna go with prophecy oh yeah damn oh yeah

i had that on my list i love a good prophecy it's just yeah you learn it at the beginning when someone's like a baby or something the prophecy comes up and yeah yeah it's i mean literally snow white is about a prophecy it's just it just sets it up and yeah, yeah. It's, I mean, literally snow white is about a prophecy. It's just, it just sets it up and you just get something good. Harry Potter's a prophecy. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, even like, uh, going back to like King Arthur and stuff like that. Fucking prophecies all over the place. Some of the oldest stories are prophecy. That's okay. This is going to sound insane,

but I've already sounded pretty bad this draft. So let's just, why not? Was like King Arthur was real, right? All that stuff? No. The Knights of the Round Table, what was real? I can never, I never know what was real and what wasn't.

Was any of that real? Like, Robin Hood, that was, was any of that real? He was not real. King Arthur was based on, though, right? Based on, so. Well, the Crusades and stuff were real, and right? Yeah, that real, and that's where they got a lot of this from, no? King Arthur, a legendary British king who appears in a cycle of medieval romances. It is not certain how these legends originated or whether the figure of Arthur was based on a historical person.

The legend possibly originated either in Walesales or in those parts of northern britain inhabited by uh brithonic speaking celts it's fun to say they use that move that word medieval in there when they're talking about all the fake stuff like i was talking about earlier it's too big medieval is like everything you can't take like i can't even say the things that fall under the umbrella because i would say 18 picks you don't have to but i was just saying they just in that definition you just read it kind of said what i was just saying but you don't have to know you don't have to say that assumptions that historical arthur led welsh resistance to the west saxon advances from the middle thames are based on a conflation of two early writers

um so he wasn't real but they think he might be based on it might be like a mythologization of an actual Welsh king, maybe? Okay, okay. But no, the Knights of the Round Table, all those characters, all that stuff isn't real. It's like all made up. Yeah. And I think that wasn't when the Crusades were happening either. Yeah. I think.

My timeline's all wonky. This is why I have friends, to straighten this out for me. Yeah, the Crusades were between 1095 and 1291 and england got its first actual king after that or right around there 1100 from saxony oh athelstein oh never mind 927 they think maybe okay i'm wrong. This is a great podcast. Anyway, prophecies, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, prophecies. It has been foreseen. And my next one, A Hidden City. Oh, nice. Love A Hidden City. Love A Hidden City, baby. hidden city oh nice love a hidden city nice love a hidden city baby come on we've been here for years yeah you got to get out of here unless they find the hidden city

the dwarves like the dwarves the little cities like in fucking lord of the rings when you have there's like one big door forever they've been in there they have this massive like you're like oh that's been there for thousands of years look at this fucking place it's beautiful or just like an underwater city like a golden city like just any one of those that people have been looking for for like a long time oh yeah something like that love it love it i i got a i got a six man for crazy that I actually believe, which was a draft from about a month ago. Oh, go on. But a part of me thinks there's some sort of humans living at the very bottom of the ocean. Whoa.

No, we can't. Deep in my bones, I think there's something down there that is just close to human. I know. It seems like we can't. Well, I'm saying. But you can explain it to me. But just deep in there, if I'm being honest with my friends't. Well, I'm saying. You can explain it to me, but just deep in there, if I'm being honest with my friends, which is what I'm doing,

some part of me thinks that there's something that lives down there. And maybe their bones are harder? Who knows, man? Maybe they don't have bones. I have no idea. Like in a bubble? Or do they swim freely, do you think? Well, how close to human, too? These are all questions I don't know. What I do know is that I'm right.

But I don't know the answer to all of them. One thing I've heard, this is a thing I've heard and I'm repeating, questions I don't know. What I do know is that I'm right. But I don't know the answer to all of them. One thing I've heard, this is a thing I've heard and I'm repeating, but I don't know what it's based on, is that we know less about the bottom of the ocean than we do about the moon or something like that. Yeah, because there's no... I don't live in there.

This is where I'm going to sound insane. There's no way to get there. How would we know? There's no... How are we going to know? And plus, nobody can they're like they're like moles they have their own kind of vision yeah yeah anyway i just know it's true there's this show on um netflix right now that is like i'm gonna try to find the name of it but it's it's embarrassing if i i don't anyway like uh it's clearly i forget the name but i'll look it up but it's it's embarrassing if i anyway like uh it's clearly i forget the name but i'll look it

up but it's clearly it's this like alternative historian kind of guy talking about how like there were more advanced civilizations around i think he's eventually going to work his way to atlantis is real but like he operates in that way where he says like he like I he cherry picks his facts in a way where I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. OK, he's actually. Oh, my God. But it works on me because I'm dumb. You know what I mean?

Like I don't. Yeah. I don't know enough. It's I want to watch it with like an actual historian where they can be like this fucking prick. But like what I'm not. It's just me being like you could. OK. OK. That's actually a good point what i like about these is they're not dangerous because that's what loose change or zeitgeist or whatever does but that's dangerous you know it's fun to have

one about a hidden city where you're like doesn't matter if i go out in the world and operate thinking this is true or not it's more interesting and fun yeah yeah ancient apocalypse that's what it's called okay he opened like him on like the the dude who's in charge of it opens with footage of like him on joe rogan you know what i mean like and somebody interviewing saying like historians have called you a fucking crackpot charlatan how do you like that kind of shit well i think they're afraid like it's great it's so stupid uh but yeah hidden cities man that's it that's a fantastic pick yeah absolutely uh time for my third pick okay here this is a uh i'm taking brave mice brave rodents just like in general okay so i like a fantasy series where it like it's anthropomorphic animals acting out these fantasy series so like oh yeah secret of nim red wall

uh water ship down like all this stuff where it like feels like a fantasy and it's all they're all just like brave brave animals who live together i like that i just love anything where it's like i don't i don't know what what what it is about it but like red wall i read those books early and it's all about like brave mice living in an abbey there's sword play there's no magic but like there are sparrows who can talk you know what i mean like it's all like that kind of thing there's like an evil snake i just fucking well like when they're when the parameters are the real world it's just that they're talking animals it's still exciting yeah you know what i'm saying because it's still like yeah that's dope yeah like uh rango yeah yeah yeah and i like that animals got to live

up to the same world we do they do they gotta fucking operate they gotta make food and shit you gotta pay taxes motherfucker but also you can have a thing where you have to pay taxes but you have like a mouse civilization but then badgers show up but badgers are so much bigger than mice but in this world you got one badger

with an axe wrecking shit dude you're getting attacked by shrews but you got a badger with an axe oh they got a rat army but you got a badger with an axe? Wrecking shit, dude. You're getting attacked by shrews, but you got a badger with an axe? Yeah. Oh, they got a rat army? But you got a badger, dude. You got a fucking badger. So now what's happening? Yeah, you got a fucking badger, dog.

You're winning. You got a stoat? We got a fucking badger. The badger has an axe. Yeah, you're going to win if that's what's happening. Sorry, dude. Sorry we brought a badger to a fucking rat fight. Also, Ian, hot corner.

I don't know how you do this. It feels like you never get to pick. I know. And then you get to heavy pick, dude. That's what I'm saying. Aaron came here. He fucking like. Been here forever.

He brought a badger to our rat fight, dude. Took a poop in your mug that you just got. I don't even know if that's a good or a bad thing. Exactly. Brought a badger to a rat thing exactly i don't understand what you're insinuating you want a badger to a rat fight okay you know what they say i'm bringing a badger to a rat fight yeah i don't know what sean you're winning time for your third pick goblins yeah yeah i'm going by way of Labyrinth.

I don't know. My favorite movie when I was a kid has been surpassed by Tombstone and High Fidelity and a couple other movies. Would you buy Goblin? I still don't know the perfect response for that. There's really not a way out of it.

Now, were there any Mind Gobblins in labyrinth oh that's a way to get somebody i think mind gobbling these nuts no i think it still works no but i think i think that's kind of a good because i've always i've been trying to figure out ways like a foolproof way to get someone and if i asked somebody if there were any mind goblins in the movie labyrinth really really the only good answer to that is what's what's a mind goblin there right yeah probably shouldn't say this to on the podcast that goes out to most of the people you communicate with marissa air horns over that whole last part you could go to like a church i bet you could get a lot of people at church

yeah mine goblin yeah but they're gonna say goblin needs nuts at church that could be good and i'm gonna run out of churches eventually because you only do that once at a church i think yeah yeah the devil tests us in many ways Sometimes he sends the temptation in the form of gambling. Sometimes alcohol. Sometimes overindulgence in food. And sometimes the devil sends his bravest soldiers, the most devious, the mind goblins. Excuse me, Pastor Jason. Yes, my son.

Pastor Jason, what's a mind goblin? Mind goblin, he's nuts! Wait, Sean, you set him up for it. And then you jump onto Jesus' back and you fly out. We did a roll reversal real quick. You grab onto Jesus' lats and he flies out of the building and you go flying with him, dude. My man Jay got wings. Yeah, dude.

Wings, dude. And traps. I like buff Jesus, dude. Big neck. Oh, yeah. I want him to look like he plays O-Line. He should look like Goldberg, dude. If Jesus was a Jew, I want him to be the Goldberg kind of Jew.

He was a Jew. Yeah. That's what Iberg kind of jew he was a jew yeah that's what i'm saying let's make him bill goldberg dude i want like lats to the fucking top or lats wings to the top of the head just be i also told you that sean paul is jewish okay maybe i want jesus to look like sean paul actually paternally though so i don't know if he counts it still counts we're gonna go ahead and claim that what do you think a neck pillow looked like after goldberg got done with it like if he has to fly somewhere flat spent i don't think i don't think he can fit inside stuffing everywhere i think his neck pillow looks like fucking like a like jimmy butler leaning against the table after the fourth quarter she's supposed to look like a c and she looks like a v blown out dude yeah dude goblins i like uh yeah goblins is good pick they're great world uh

warcraft 2 goblins up there in their hot air balloon dude engineering and they didn't make them run a bank in labyrinth they let them just be be goblins yeah yeah happy hanukkah everybody uh just because it's over doesn't mean we have to stop celebrating goblins uh david you are a third and fourth fix as it is okay my third pick oh the reluctant hero yeah yeah yeah come on it's always a guy who was just like he was happy being a vigilante or selling frankincense and myrrh or whatever he was doing. And then he has to be the king or whatever. And he doesn't want to,

but he's got all the skills. You saw Willow. I love the reluctant hero in any genre. It's a great thing. It's always fun. It's the best kind of hero. But you got to go get Mark Wahlberg for one last job. He lives in the hills.

He doesn't like to shoot people anymore, but he'll do one last job. The hero that's ready is so corny. So corny. I get it. You trained to be a hero. Jon Snow said no to the job like hundreds of times. He never wanted to work, and they made him do it. And I understand and I,

I understand that. I relate to that. I like the, yeah. Being the hero who's ready is like big pick me energy. Like stop. Chill out, bro.

I like this. I like the reluctant hero. Cause like as someone who went to Portland state university, like I wasn't trying, you know what I mean? I didn't, I wasn't asking to be called upon. I was trying to like lay low,

have a simple life, but no. This game picked me. No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's how it goes. It's the coolest guys. The coolest guys don't want to be here. Yeah, absolutely.

I was probably the best football player on my team in high school, but I was never a captain. It was that kind of thing. It was too much responsibility. Yeah, me too, we'll say. No, I think it was Sam. I thing it was too much no i think it was sam i think it was sam tallent actually i heard about his tight end days i bet you heard him say something about that yeah you were around oh my god it was what he says like yeah when if i was in my my playing days my tight end you go what i i don't know where he got that i don't listen man i'm not i i don't know what he's talking about i don't know nobody

nobody uh the last airbender is kind of a reluctant hero right no and he was known to he was known though because he was like he was it from when he was a kid but wasn't he like kind of reluctant to do it didn't it was i mean yeah he ran away and that's how he got frozen but once he woke up he was like down but yeah he got frozen because he ran away from his job yeah okay so yeah that's cool it's i'm on the reluctant hero wikipedia page just tossing stuff out i did you ever watch the last airbender i watched it with my little brother it's it's so good really good it's really good. Really good. It's really good. They say the legend, oh, me and Marissa was telling me about this, that the Legend of Korra is even better, right?

Yeah, I liked it even better. It's great. I liked it a lot. She messes up a lot, but I like it. So did I. No, I guess Aang didn't mess up that much. I also like that character in, like, fantasy or any kind of hero where they're super powerful but they're still silly yeah yeah so it's like they just have a bunch of fun and then oh also i'll kill you yeah if i have to

yeah that's the life i've always tried to cultivate for myself and your fourth pick my fourth pick okay i don't know how to word this. Waterfalls? Without it sounding... Just one word. Without it sounding weird, but it is a trope across the fantasy genre. Strong, tough, little people.

Like hobbits or trolls or i see this is feels weird or like what willow like do you know what i'm saying yeah you could say troll yeah i don't know what the term is for this but it's across it's across fantasy truck yeah Yeah. Whether it's represented in Hobbits or... But I don't mean goblins because they're evil. They're like good, strong, little... Good, brave. Yeah. They seem to like to get very drunk. Yeah.

Yeah. They overcome these bigger, more scary monsters or racism people or whatever. And they like being little. That's what I always like about them. Oh, so like the dwarves from Lord of the Rings? there's a bunch yeah tough little guys yeah they like to drink and fight and yeah they're dope you didn't know until gandalf showed up yeah so thanks guys thanks for helping me out of that i got you yeah i felt weird when i wrote it down. I'll grab your hand anytime. I deleted it off my notes already. Just in case.

You ain't gonna get me. Sean Jordan, how about your fourth pick? All right. Well, I haven't been doing great. So you're gonna have to let me know if these... No, I know. So I want to pick The Impossible Quest. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean. I can't believe that shit's still on the board. There's no way. No one's ever done this. You get a ragtag group together. You gotta bring the ring. You gotta get the ring to Mount Doom. Yeah. How could I? A tiny little hobbit

who loves to get drunk do it. You look at Arya just on her journey in the in her world just functioning having to do all this crazy stuff like and i never know the timeline by the way who's aria oh he's in game of thrones oh yeah but like just the timeline is always interesting to me because you're like have you been out for days or months because you never know because they're just backpacking through countries like through the through the backwoods and it never i don't know they never really timeline it it always seems like a few days even star wars which is like a i think that's a fantasy series more than sci-fi

i know there's spaceships but that's like that's a fucking fantasy well it's all the tropes right it's like a space fantasy yeah but like they gotta blow up they gotta get the plants of the death star they gotta blow up the death star like the impossible quest man yeah which by the way i watched maverick the other day on the plane again and shout out to this dude who does it's called pitch meeting on youtube but it's very very funny but he did one on maverick and uh it's i know but it's just straight up star wars that's exactly what they do absolutely exactly what they do you even have to hit an impossible target it's full and like somebody comes in at the last second they haunt solo in no it absolutely is yeah it's just nuts where you're like whoa because when he breaks it down he's like you know it's just the similarities are nuts not saying that i don't love them both

in their own separate ways but it's like holy you're you're a writer how many stories are there that were ever told there's like eight there's like eight total stories dude right yeah it's all just the same tombstone high fidelity juice i mean the town juice juice one of the eight stories stories ever told bitch Jesus fuck yeah hitch is on there dude hitch is a story fried green tomatoes and then hamlet of course total yeah yeah there's only

seven basic narrative structures dude that's all there is it's uh overcoming the monster rags to riches the quest voyage and return rebirth comedy and juice and that's all the stories that have ever been told yeah anyway just the impossible quest you know you can't be done but then you're gonna go do it time for my fourth pick when there's a feast

oh i love a fucking feast and a fantasy i feel like because it's usually in the middle and a lot of times you can't trust it oh you can't always press it bad sometimes it pops up like you get all drunk on food and then you're like wait what's happening and then something that's when they attack they plan to get everybody drunk yeah right when you got the turkey leg in your mouth yeah that was the red wedding dude the red wedding was the buckest it was insane yeah talking about eventuals title no no that's what they'd have you believe in title it's well you didn't you didn't really mess with game of thrones did you at all oh it was a feast where spoiler if for some reason you don't talk about but spoiler they had the last episode with you guys remember but other than that the red wedding is like when you

would text us like you if you watch it now you'd be like oh shit like that you would be like this fucking thing just happened oh really yeah yeah that's exactly what would happen is it true that the black guys didn't have penises yeah yeah i'm still out yeah yeah the unsullied yeah for sure no yeah that was yeah that was got the goblins or bankers level of like really this is like in this year you're doing this got a complex yeah they could have not had arms cut off their pinky toes do something else to make them yeah wait they cut them off i don't know but like if they have to be like this is an army of like...

Cutting people's balls off isn't the way to make an army more gnarly. These are like the toughest, gnarliest people in the world, essentially, except for maybe the Dothraki. And it's like... So you cut off all their... All their testosterone?

Yeah, right? Anyway, the person with the complex george rr martin uh or i mean maybe who made the show i don't know i've never read the books either way it's sketchy sometimes the feast just happens like right before the big shit pops off you know what i mean it's like the night before the battle feast i love that also the food always looks hella good there's always like big haunches of meat and like bowls of potato. Just a regular potato has never looked so good. Cheese all piled on top of each other.

Cakes. Any feast before processed food, man. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Just feels amazing, right? Just people getting cranked on me singing in mead. Yeah, we had a feast the other day. It was amazing.

Singing old like old hobbit songs and shit to it yeah i like the idea of songs that you sing before you go to battle yeah i'm into all that shit grabbing shoulders really hard yeah flagons i haven't had a drink out of a flag and ever dude it looks like the best beer yeah you gotta kill somebody for that you gotta kill somebody for that beer yeah you gotta earn it that's like a beer after you help a friend move like it just tastes different um aaron time for your fourth and then your final picks all right from our fourth one it's super vague but i'm just gonna say orphans orphans are just a big part of fantasy it seems like if you have a like if you have a parent left like you're probably

gonna lose it by the middle of this movie or book or anything like every fantasy has an orphan it seems like yeah yeah yeah i mean you're like harry potter yeah fantasies love a dead parent moses moses is moses an orphan they found him in? They found him in the reeds. Yes, they did. That's right. But he was Jewish. Moses? Big time.

Am I getting my stories confused? No, he's Jewish as hell, dude. Moses is mad Jewish. Yeah, but they didn't know, and they put him in the bulrushes, right? Something like, oh, yeah, you're Jewish, and they put him there to get saved. Yeah, and the Pharaoh found him and there to get saved yeah they were killing yeah they were killing kids orphans yeah Harry Potter I'm sure they showed up elsewhere

they must have Cinderella stepmom oh yeah they're killing anything Disney parents gonna die fastest way to tell a kid shit just got serious. And your final pick?

My final pick is I was gonna say Georgia Dome on the 50-yard line, but that's ludicrous. What's your fantasy? I'm okay with that pick. Yeah, I'm doing that one. Georgia Dome. 50-yard line.

All right. Was the dirty bird kick for three? Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, listen. You know what? We're going to take a short break, and then we're going to get back to talk about Aaron's pick. Hey, welcome back to Hall of Fantasy Everything Already in Progress.

Aaron just drafted from the 50-yard line, the Georgia Dome on the 50-yard line with a dirty bird kick for three. Ludacris captures many of the elements of fantasy, just in general. He has a mythical name. He went on a historic quest from guy on the radio to multi-platinum rapper to Hollywood star. His hair seems to feel like it has some kind of a Samson-like quality. Absolutely. Yeah, he derived strength from his hair.

We didn't know he was a king and neither did he, but now we know. Yeah. He's chicken and beer, the feast, we know yeah he uh he's chicken and beer the feast you know the classic feast in many ways ludicrous captures everything about this draft yes what's your fantasy that's what a wizard would probably ask you that's exactly what a wizard would ask you perhaps a sorcerer he had evil intentions are that many people having sex involving whipped cream no i don't know i don't think i know one that's not that's me yeah you know too after like mid-20s i don't think so i don't think so either i like they would always say it in rap songs and same with like peaches

and cream where it's like yeah that's not that's not even what i wanted to hear ever when i was at my absolute horniest i didn't i was like no no way yeah get it out of here yeah i'm not doing that walk of shame and sticky like i don't want to do that no and then your sheets are stained with and people are like why are there sheets why are your sheets stained is it jizz and you're like no it's actually peaches and cream peaches and cream oh gross that's what you call jizz that's what i would think yeah the last girl i had over here i guess i covered her in it i don't know i don't know what we i don't know what we're supposed to do with it yeah i put covered her in it and then she got up and took a shower and we went to bed and had sex in the morning

honestly we were just worn out from the peaches of grief yeah we were full uh time for my final pick and with my final pick i'm going to take it's very specific but i'm taking gandalf saying you shall not pass totally yeah totally and it's just fun to say. It's just fun to say. You shall not pass. And the Balrog did not pass, dude. Just getting up in a big fire demon's face with a staff, you shall not pass. It's fucking cool. And meaning it.

I've said it before. I never meant it. I've had math teachers say it to me. They use it at NFL games, too, if you don't get the third down or something. You shall not pass. It's just fucking sick, dude. That's my final pick. You shall not pass. Sean Jordan?

Going into it, I had this on my mind and then throughout the draft, I realized I most certainly wouldn't be able to pick it, but regarding Aaron's last pick, can I pick Mariah Carey, Fantasy? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I was going to pick it first yeah it really was i think that's the very first thing that popped into my head was like oh

yeah mariah carey fantasy so not much to say yeah amazing song so yeah i was nervous david boy oh uh the level up like you know when gandalf comes back as like that like it seems like it happens a lot where it's like somebody's working working working and they're like well it comes back like a Jedi yeah like when he when he leaves all black yeah

with powers like Jordan wearing a four or five yeah dude the level up. Fantastic. Fantastic final pick. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah, thinking just generally about fantasies, because this is all fantasy everything, I think some of the most

fun fantasies to think about are sex fantasies. Oh! I'm not sharing anything, but you know, I think those are some of the most fun fantasies yeah well we've already covered a lot of your sex fantasies yeah i think technically my song was sex fantasies but yeah that's what luda's song is about everybody wants to get topped by jade cargo yeah so i knew i was gonna have a rough life you know i know i'm old me and shot had a conversation

where we were like on the train we were like i don't really know what she meant by that like i don't know what it means to get topped i really don't do you still not know what it means not completely um huh what's the best way of describing it ian do you know what i think like getting dot like getting dot, like, like, like dot, like kind of sexually dominated a little bit. Is it like strapped up? Yeah, basically. Yeah. Oh, no, not necessarily.

That's what I thought it was. She would be in charge, right? Like. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like she's in charge. Yeah, I just, yeah. Oh, you want to sub to her. Yeah. Exactly. Oh.

Billions. Oh. But not quite like necessarily that much like. Well, see, that's like the top. not quite necessarily that much like... That's like the top floor being top. That's like BDSM and humiliation type stuff. I think topping doesn't... It's more of a domination submission

and less of a humiliation. Sure. I don't know. I just want to have sex with her. I think she's so hot. That's really it. Sexual fantasies was Marissa's pick. That's really it. Fair. Fair. Yeah. Sexual fantasies was Marissa's pick. To recap, Aaron,

you went first. You took Hogwarts, the prophecy, hidden cities, orphans, and the Georgia Dome, Georgia Dome on the 50 yard line with a dirty bear kick for three.

I went second. I can't even. I can't even say it. I went fucking second. I took dragons, riding something that isn't a horse, brave mice, when there's a feast, and you shall not pass. Sean went third.

He took sorcerers, bro. Tim Curry is the lord of darkness and legend. Goblins, the impossible quest, and Mariah Carey's fantasy. David went last. He took magic weapons, motherfucker. Royalty hiding in plain sight the reluctant hero tough little guys and the level up we left some stuff on the board dwarves everything i wanted actually i had crystal ball but is that a weapon it's not a weapon not

really it doesn't have to be a weapon yeah so i was gonna think of that but then i didn't know if it was a weapon or if it was basically a sword. I love when there's a sacred order. Revenge years later. Don't go that way. That was one that I had. Oh, shit. He was still alive this entire time. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. Haunted forests.

Oh, crap. There's so many, and we want to hear yours. Hit us up at allfantasypod on twitter allfantasypodcast at gmail.com shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon where we are releasing the live episodes as bonuses

from the tour mailbags all sorts of special extras shout out to everyone on the AFE sheslackity thank you again so much for the present uh by this time i'm sure i will have lost the fucking fantasy league because i drafted jonathan taylor first and he's on the fucking ir and jalen hurts isn't playing this week now which is ridiculous it's ridiculous it's insane i should have won the whole thing i won the regular season and that counts for something but But shout out to everyone on the AF.

It's just like, uh, shout out to super producer Marissa on the ones and twos and in all the fucking fire outfits on the tour. Buy a ticket to the live show. See what Marissa shows up in. That's the real show. Uh,

shout out to saints to Carmel. Shout out to Frankie ocean. Shout out to Sid. The dude shot to Haji Beats And more important than all of that Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Sha-cluck-a-tay that was a hate gun podcast