All Fantasy Everything - Fast Food Items (w/ Bill Oakley, Sean Jordan, David Gborie, and special guests)

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

LIVE FROM PORTLAND, Y'ALL! The GVG are joined by legendary writer and amateur food critic Bill Oakley.Featuring special guest drafts from Zak Toscani, Saint Sue Karmel, and Super Producer Marissa.This episode was recorded live at the Doug Fir in Portland, Oregon. Thanks Doug Fir!Episode Guests:Bill Oakley @thatbilloakley IG: @thatbilloakleyZak Toscani @zaktoscani IG: @zaktoscaniSaint Sue Karmel @rnskook IG: @suekarmelProducer Marissa Melnyk @MarsMel IG: @mars.mel Overwatch on PS4: MarsmeilowSupport the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch! T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome! Welcome to All Fantasy Everything live in Portland, Oregon at the Doug Fir. Make some noise, everybody! Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. My name is Ian Carmel. I am your host. And listen, it would be all fun and games if I was up here doing this all fantasy everything myself. But it's not just me. It's not just me, ladies and gentlemen. I'm joined here as well by at Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. At Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on the gram.

Give it up for Sean Jordan, ladies and gentlemen. Goddamn right. Yeah. Wow. Let me just take a seat like a gentleman. Get down there. Did I say welcome at the beginning of this? I can't even remember.

I'm so stoked. You, uh, I don't know. I wasn't listening. A welcome shot. There we go. To another live episode of All Fantasy Everything. There we go. It's not just the two of us sitting way far apart.

Not at all. Not at all. I just wanted to give some space for the guests. Icy relations. The Fortress of Solitude is a DMZ down the middle of it. It's been a while. It's been a couple weeks. I'm different now, man.

He's different, too. Yeah, yeah. Different. The beard is shorter. Mm-hmm. I got a while. It's been a couple weeks. I'm different now, man. He's different, too. Yeah, yeah. Different. The beard is shorter. I got a haircut that everybody won't stop talking about. Like, oh my God, you look okay. Variety. The Hollywood reporter. All of those.

It's not just the two of us, though. Oh my God, it'd be enough. It would be Diana. Enough if it were, but it's not. It'd be so fun. We're joined as well by a man you may know as VigiaSilent on Twitter. CruelGuyJokes87 on Instagram. David Borey, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah.

Hi, guys. Yeah. I'm very excited to be here. David, how the heck are you, bud? How's what? How the heck are you, bud? I'm good. Me and Marissa, we flew out at 6 o'clock this morning.

Oh, yeah. I woke up, pounded a green juice. I feel virile. Yeah, absolutely. Like I could get anybody pregnant. Yeah. Now. David jet skied here from LA today.

On land. That's that new shit. Just go. Just out of sheer will. Am I the only one who brought any drinks out? I forgot. I said I'm different now. Is that the haircut talking?

Yeah, dude. I look okay now. Take that shit back to Fantastic Sam. Don't tell me what to do. Fantastic Sam. It's tell me what to do. Fantastic Sam. It's funny because he's not. It was called Pretty Good Sam's, maybe. You know, all about that.

He's fantastic. All right, Sam's. Listen, we aren't just leaving this seat open for Elijah the Prophet in case he wants to come over and drink of our cottage cup. But if he does. We also have a special guest joining us today for this live in Portland. We have one of

Portland's finest here. I would say so. Today, ladies and gentlemen. You know him as ThatBillOakley on Instagram. ThatBillOakley on Twitter. Writer for the Simpsons, Mission Hill, Portlandia. Probably journals. I imagine he keeps a journal. He seems introspective.

Give it up for Bill Oakley, ladies and gentlemen. We left you that tight seat. We slid over on the couch. That tight seat. Right in there. Do not look at my list. That's what it is. You just got to check it out.

Steal those picks. This is a competition. There it is. There it got to check it out. Steal those picks. There it is. Microphone check. Bill, how are you? I'm good. Good. Thank you so much for joining us. I'm really overprepared for this event. Well, that's good because David's notoriously underprepared. No, I'm not. That's not like a thing I'm

known for. They had no idea about that. You just dived me out, dog. Did they put a bracelet on your attitude when you came in? No, man. I can't. My attitude can't be braceleted. Man alive.

You know I don't shackle well. Holy buckets, this guy. Because out of you, that's thick wrists. Yeah, I got thick wrists. Thick, like Cary Struggs' thighs. Yeah, man. Got Simone Biles' butt cheeks on my hands. All right.

All right then. All right, I'll just be quiet. Bill, any gymnasts you'd like to reference? Right into the microphone. Mary Lou Retton. Mary Lou Retton it is! Shout out to Mary Lou Retton. Shout out to Mary Lou Retton. Shout out to Carrie Strug.

Shout out to Simone Biles. Dominique Mochiano too. Remember? So now what? What? No, okay. Can everybody hear us okay? Everything's all good?

All right, tight. You guys look fantastic out there. You really do. You're gorgeous. This is such a treat. Oh, you can see them without your glasses? Yeah, I got my contacts in, dog. I put my eyeballs in. Lies.

I can see a lot of... I'm not going to be able to see through my tears when I start crying. That's for damn sure. It's going to happen. We're going to keep this up top part brief because we have a very rich and fertile category to be drafting from today.

But Jessica, Sean, how are you, buddy? How's everything going? Good, man. I've been in Portland for like a week and boy, do I love this place.

It's fantastic. Sean Jordan went to an Atmosphere concert on Sunday. Holy crap. It was tight. Had a couple drinks. I'm not going to lie to you.

Had a couple drinks. I tweeted at Atmosphere and he tweeted back and he goes, hey, I wish I would have known you were here. Dog. I almost started crying right there. That means the next time I go to a show that's going to turn into a DM, Playboy.

That's what's going to happen there. That's going to turn into a DUI. I got to get a car first, dude. I'm the one person in Los Angeles without a whip. RIP the Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip died, man, with David in it Angeles without a whip. R.I.P. the Miracle Whip. R.I.P. the Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip died, man, with David in it.

Not going to say there. I saw Busted Ass Ford out front, and I assumed you whipped up again. I assumed I read up. It's getting there. Beautiful. David Boy, how are you doing, buddy? I'm so good, man. I'm glad we flew out early, had a gig last night.

Minister of Fly-In the day of over here, by the way. Yeah, I'm real busy. High demand. Top flight guy. That's who I am. Me and Zach went to Cincinnati last week. Had a mess of chili. Oh, you had some wacky spaghetti while you were there? No, I didn't fuck with that spaghetti. I just put it on a dog.

On Sunday night, we got the whole crowd to drink the bottle of Cuddy Sark they brought me. Yeah, you played a game of pass the shit with the whole crowd, right Sunday night, we got the whole crowd to drink the bottle of Cutty Sark they brought me. Yeah, you played a game of pass the shit with the whole crowd, right? Yeah, they loved it. Or maybe they didn't, but they drank it all. You can bring us good alcohol, too. That's why, didn't they bring Zach

a bunch of tennis stuff? Okay, can I just vent for a second? They brought Zach tennis tape, a headband, a six-pack of new balls, more tape, I think, for fingers, and they brought me fucking boat fuel. Like, it's not... I have other hobbies. I have shit that I like that's not drinking varnish with my friends. Sometimes the world becomes a mirror,

and you've got to take a good, long, hard look at yourself. That might be, that was it. I looked at those tennis balls, and I did not like who reflected back to me. I wasn't into it. God, that's awesome. Bill, how are you doing, buddy? I'm doing pretty well, Ian.

Yeah. Yeah. Fantastic. What's been up lately? Well, you know, I do a lot of fast food reviews on Instagram. Yes, you do. Hell yeah. That's my hobby. Yeah.

And I've had a lot of interesting experiences over the past year doing that. Absolutely. Yeah. And a lot of including actually getting a lot of weird food mailed to me. The Cincinnati, I've gotten two different types of Cincinnati chili in the past couple of weeks. And man, that stuff is weird. It is weird.

It's so loose. It's like somebody poured water in a big bowl of chili. That's what she said. Come on. David and I didn't high five. It's so loose. It's like somebody poured water in a big bowl of chili. That's what she said. Come on. David and I didn't high five right there for everybody listening. We didn't high five. It's got cinnamon in it, right? Cinnamon in it.

Cinnamon in it. People really take it seriously. Cinnamon in it. You can't criticize that stuff without people jumping on your throat, so I'm not going to do it. Or Takeo Spikes will find you. That's the only bangle I can think of. Boomer Esiason. That's the only Bengal I can think of. Boomer Esiason.

Oh, hell yeah, hell yeah, hell yeah. TJ Hushmanzada. Carson Palmer. Oh, nice. All right, well, this is the, it's that kind of podcast. What is the weirdest thing you've had mailed to you? You know what? It's actually on my Instagram right now. It's Getta. Have you ever had mailed to you? You know what?

It's actually on my Instagram right now. It's getta. Have you ever had getta? No. Okay. It's a really regional, again, a Cincinnati thing, Northern Kentucky, Southern Ohio, which is a type of sausage that you can only find there, and it's made with a lot of oats in it.

So it's crunch. I know it sounds gross, but it's actually really good. It definitely sounds gross. It's actually really good. It's like sausage patties, but they're kind of crunchy. But they're crunchy. Yeah. But it's actually really good. It's actually really good. It's like sausage patties but they're kind of crunchy. But they're crunchy? Yeah.

Like crunchy peanut butter but sausage. I'm in. I've had this idea for years. This isn't, okay. What's the weirdest thing we've had mailed to us?

Probably the Why So Serious poster. That was pretty weird. I mean, it all depends on where you grew up, my friend, and how you live your life.

Because it got mailed to us, and I was like, damn, tight, I just tore my other one. So there it goes. And now every time Laura comes into the room, I'm just like, seriously, why so serious? You were listening to the Limp Bizkit Roland Urban Assault remix too loud. That was a good remix, though.

It was. With DMX and everybody on it? Yeah, absolutely. You know what I've heard twice since I've been in Portland is that Aaron Lewis Fred Burst song. And I know it's Fred Durst, but I say Fred Burst just so people go like, it's Durst. What a good joke.

It's Durst with a D like David. That I'm on the outside. I'm looking in. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I can see through you. See your true colors. Did you guys think Aaron Lewis was here for a second?

Yeah. Because it wasn't. It was just me. And then Fred Durst was like, your feelings. People talk about it. I don't know, man. It's early for me. Yeah, yeah.

I'll get it going. I'll get it going around the 15-minute mark. You'll see. We're heating it up right now. I see a couple of AFV shirts out there, and I'm thrilled about it. That the 15 minute mark. You'll see. We're heating it up right now. I see a couple AFV shirts out there and I'm thrilled about it. That's like the coolest thing in the world. Yeah, thank you guys. That's it.

Say you're welcome. Real short and sweet. Aren't we giving away some of these hats? Oh yeah, tight. Can I toss one in the crowd? How do I do? Should I just close my eyes? Oh yeah, so thank you for coming. We have new merchandise done with Trailblazin',

Portland's own Trailblazin', give it up for them right in the back. They're right back there. Hell yeah. So don't throw the shirts, these are mine. 3XL, y'all don't want them anyway. We've got shirts, we've got hats, hit them up in the back and these are Portland exclusives for now.

So here we go. I'm going to close my eyes. There we go. Hell yeah. All right. There's one more. Toss that one, too. Sean, you want to throw one?

Yeah, I'll fucking throw it. Thread me with a good time. Yuck, Zilla. Where'd that go? Did I hit somebody? Oh, watch out for Marissa. Sean, you hit Marissa. Easy.

There's a super producer back there. Be careful. Oh, you're giving up your super producer, Marissa. Shout out to Marissa. Easy. There's a super producer back there. Be careful. Oh, you're giving up your super producer, Marissa? Shout out to super producer Marissa. There she goes. It's her first time in Portland, and what she doesn't know is that this is Canada. She's been here before.

We're not gathered here in the beautiful Douglas fir. It is beautiful. Deep in the heart of southeast Portland. There we go. Just a stone's throw. Just a whisper from Les Pigeons. It's right there. Yeah, right there.

Just about a dollar bill away. If you throw one of Zach's tennis balls, you can hit it. We are gathered here today in the Dougford to draft fast food menu items. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. One clarification. When I got the text, it said fast food items.

Yeah. Well, yeah. No one said menu to me. What, are you going to take a napkin dispenser? You know who's got dank seats? It's Dairy Queen. What, are you going to take a napkin dispenser? You know who's got dank seats is Dairy Queen. What are you talking about? This is cool.

I just got to move some shit around. You know where he's going? He's going to the secret menu. I got the same. Where do you think he's going? I think he's going to the secret menu. Oh, secret menu. That's, no, not even. That's not what I was doing.

You can do whatever you want, my friend. You play jazz. He's like, those Jack in the Box commercials are pretty funny. Maybe. So you're just going to say my whole list? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's what we're doing today?

Now, the way we determine the order of the draft is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, shit. We've got to go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, David wins.

Yeah! Will you protect his house? Put your... Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, David wins! Damn it! Yeah! Will you protect his house? Put your... You just screamed your shirt off. I've never seen you do that before. Well, you know, for the listeners at home,

David is not wearing a shirt, but he's got a tattoo of the shirt he was wearing, so it's hard to tell from the back. And there's falcons flying overhead. One of them is holding the Chinatown lion that's holding a money purse, and the other one is holding a Chinatown lion that's got a cub. So it's the whole totality of life up there flying above him. Pretty boy and dude guy, my twin falcons.

And he's got two katanas. They're both on fire, and they have the Dust in the Wind lyrics written on them. Just to paint a picture for the listener at home. That's all we are, Sean. All we are is dust in the wind. Now, David, you won Rock, Paper, Scissors so it is incumbent upon you

to determine the order of the draft. What kind of draft is it? Before you do that, I gotta let her remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? That's an excellent question.

It, well, okay. So, it's like, let's say you're on the west side of the Willamette River and you take the Burnside Bridge over let's say you're on the west side of the Willamette River, and you take the Burnside Bridge over. And so now you're on the east side of the Willamette River for a while. And then you're like, man, I kind of want to be back on the west side.

So you go down, you take the steel bridge back over to the west side of the Willamette River. And then you're on the west side again. You're like, God, I kind of want to be back on the east side. So then you take the Morrison Bridge back over to the east side of the Willamette River. Right. All this east to west. What am I, LeBron James? That's it, folks.

Thank you. Then you take the Selwood Bridge back over to the west side of the Willamette River. You're just going to play Telecom Crossing like that? I guess I'm done explaining, aren't I? I was going to name every single bridge, but those are the ones that popped into my mind first. So yeah, so like if you're back on the west side

of the Willamette River, and then you take the Tillicum Bridge back over to the east side. Wait, Tillicum? I feel like I could have called. Is that a joke that people make? It's a joke that everybody made when it started, so yeah. It is the Tillicum thing.

David's gross. I'm a hack? Yeah. Bill, basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. There it is. It's a serpentine draft. With that in mind, David, what will the order of the draft be today? I'm going to go Bill first.

Ooh, Bill. Me second. David. Sean third. All right, all right. I'm giving my man hot corners. You know I love that hot corner. I know you like the hot corners.

You know I love the hot corner. I got you. the hot corners. You know I love the hot corner. I got you. And yeah, I think that's how we're going to do it. I am not sure. It's going to be a far different draft than I was ready for. Don't look at my shit. I was looking. There's one thing to not do up here.

I'm so excited to find out what you thought this draft was. I got the same text. We're in the same text thread about it. Did it say menu items? I just thought it said fast food. I mean, we all picked menu items. And earlier I go into the green room and I go, David, did you pick specific menu items? He goes,

fuck off, dude. So I gave you like a fair... I gave you an accidental warning that this is what we were drafting. That is word for word how that happened. You told me to fuck off. Seriously, I forgot about that until just now. I thought I was so cool.

So you fuck off. I've been walking around bragging to people like, I'm about to kill this draft. He has been. Well, you know. Well, we've got to wait one pick to find out what the fuck you think is going on because Bill, you have the first pick in the fast food menu item

all fantasy everything draft. You are on the clock now. How long is the clock? Yeah, whatever. Clock ain't real. Okay, I was really prepared to come in and snake somebody. I'm not prepared to be the first choice, but I'm going to have to do it. I'm going to pick the Tom Brady of all McDonald's French fries. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to go. McDonald's, you know, it's not a niche item. It's not a very sexy item to talk about. It's not like a cult item. It's just a classic. It is a Tom Brady type thing where you just have to respect its dominance in the field. Count the rings. And also McDonald's fries kiss their kids on the mouth.

Is that what you meant? It's a Tom Brady reference. Tom Brady reference? Listen, we don't have all day. Yeah, they're like the best. They are. It's trusty rusty. It's old reliable.

They're good. It's probably the best mainstream fry. Just your standard fry. It's so good. It's probably the best mainstream fry. Just your standard fry. It's so good. It's because they freeze it, right? Is that part of it? Like, so they get all the

potatoes from one place at the same time because they're consistent in McDonald's fries. They do. It doesn't suck from McDonald's to McDonald's, which every other place does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They always taste like McDonald's fries. Right. Like with Dairy Queen, I won't say any items, but sometimes you've got a good Dairy Queen, you've got a bad Dairy Queen. I've never been to a bad Dairy Queen. I've been to a with Dairy Queen, I won't say any items, but sometimes you got a good Dairy Queen,

you got a bad Dairy Queen, right? I've never been to a bad Dairy Queen. I've been to a bad Dairy Queen. Dude, I don't even fuck with the cool treats. I like the hot eats. I'm a hot eat guy myself. There's a difference between, you got to go to a grill and chill and not a Dairy Queen. That's the difference.

The grill and chill is a little higher end, a little off there, you know? You might have to tip or whatever, but yeah. You tip at the grill and shit? I tip everywhere. I give them tips like, hey man, make that better. You know, little tips like that. Bill Oaken. There's a nicer way to do that when you hand it to me.

Bill Oaken, what size fry guy? Fry guy, what size? Size guy fry what? Fry guy? To be completely honest, I actually don't order fries. I always want a second hamburger instead. Pro move. Fucking pro move.

Thank you. I'm trying to get a whole room clock going and like eight people. That was a little depressing. But yes, I like the fries, but for that same amount of calories, I'd always rather have a second hamburger. Oh, we're counting calories over here. We got real health matters.

I gotta keep it to over 1,900 per meal. Was it McDonald's that was doing the all size are the same price fries? You're like, well, it ain't my first day, dog. I'll take the large. All fries same size price, guys? Yeah. They are fucking delicious, though. They're sprinkling

bacon on there now too. The new bacon and cheese ones are very good. Are they good? Yeah, definitely. Is it cheese sauce or is it shredded cheese? There's been a lot of debate about that. It's not... Has there?

Is that you and your burner Instagram debating each other? Actually, I believed it was actually melted slices of the cheese from the cheeseburger, but it's apparently not. It's a cheddar cheese sauce. I haven't been able to figure this out. It's probably a sauce. It's not little sprinkles of the cheese from the cheeseburger, but it's apparently not. It's a cheddar cheese sauce. I haven't been able to figure this out. It's probably a sauce? It's not little sprinkles of shredded cheese. Since it's McDonald's, I assume it's the best shmella we're talking about here. It's good.

It's good. I promise you it's good. Probably get to the bottom of that by the end of this weekend. That's an easy one to solve. I got some moves keyed up. We just go trip around the Lloyd Center for a while. We'll find one. Oh, yeah.

This episode of All Fantasy Everything Lots of moves keyed up. We just go trip around the Lloyd Center for a while. We'll find one. Oh, yeah. Lloyd. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there.

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15% off at schedule35.co and use's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. McDonald's fries are the first pick. David Borey, we wait on pins and needles. Yeah, we do. Okay, I'm going to say what my first pick was going to be. Okay. And then you can veto it if you want.

I thought we were drafting like fast food as a culture on the whole. Oh. So my first pick I guarantee you the word. was a thing that I only ever enjoy at fast food restaurants. Never done in the wild.

My first pick was going to be ball pits. Now that Fuck no. Fuck absolutely. Now that... Fuck no. Fuck absolutely not. I'll allow it. That'd be like if I picked skateboarding because I used to skate outside of a Burger King or something.

Yeah, no, you skated outside of the Burger King. I was up in the ball pit. I understand. And I'm going to be drafting childhood obesity with my first book. No, you skated outside of the Burger King. I was up in the ball pit. I understand. And I'm going to be drafting childhood obesity with my first ball pit. That was my second one. All right, let's talk about ball pits. Sure.

Dude, that was when I was a kid. That was better than the food. Are you serious? Now as an adult, you realize that those tubes all smell like nuts. But as a kid, it was... And when did you ever get to play like that? How do you know what they smell Now as an adult, you realize that those tubes all smell like nuts, but as a kid, it was, when and when did you ever get to play like that? How do you know, how do you know

what they smell like as an adult? I had nuts as a kid too, dog. Oh, as a- But you're in there? Yeah, I park my head in. They don't let me in there anymore, but like, cause I got like a, what's that, Augustus Glute situation. Who was the one who got stuck in the pipe? That was Augustus Glute.

Can't you go by and be like that dude that, hey, I used to live here. Can I take a look around? It's no big deal. I just want... Also, parents don't like it when you're up in there as a man. No, they don't. No, they don't.

They don't want a dude to just pop out of the pool. What are you going to take next? That kind of like weird statue of Grimace with a lot of the paint rubbed off of the belly? No, I mean, I was going to bounce around the whole thing. All right. But that was ball pits. Bill Oakley, your thoughts?

I really don't know where to begin with this one. They never do. It's hard to... I got other shit. I can take other shit. No, we allow it. It's the pick. Yeah.

Were you in there eating the balls? No. What? I was always like... I've been like 6'3 since I was like 9. So like, it was always weird to go in there because it was like up to my thighs. And I'm like, hey guys, this is fun, huh? Look at us having the time of our lives.

You know what they need to do with the Taco Bell cantina? They need to make a grown man ball pit. That's what's up. I don't know why they haven't done that somewhere. Portland seems like the city that that would happen yeah this does seem like there'd be like a bunch of food carts and one of the food carts is just a ball pit for grown-ups you know yeah it seems like it would work somebody do that it would never happen here oh we're in jaw field jaw provides i guess just but and just to cap it the reason i picked that was just like as a kid that was like as big to me as going

yeah mcdonald's was running around and getting in the ball pit the mcdonald's play place yeah jumping around pretending you could swim like a scrooge mcduck yeah or i thought it was play palace until just now you know what oh no well it might be no it was the mcplay place you know what i've been doing recently is putting on a bottle of clava and have a big burlap sack of dangerous snakes, and I'll just empty them into the ball pit. Yeah. High stakes ball pit. Yeah, high stakes ball pit. Ball pit for keeps.

Just walk it in like nothing. You even order something with the burlap? Everybody knows you can't take food in there, Sean. What are you saying? I make some demands, but no orders. Sure, sure. Chantel Jordan. Yeah.

It's time for your first burger. We're going to get back to the draft then? Whoa! Back to how it's supposed to be? Sorry, some of us like to live inside the line. I'll kill you, bro. Come at me, dog. As we are,

we were talking about Dairy Queen and the Grill and Chill earlier. I'm going to pick a Dairy Queen Blizzard. Oh! That's a good one. Going dessert first. I figured that might have gotten

taken sooner. I guess, you know, I figured we're all going to have real picks. I'll stop giving you shit about it. Not to be pedantic, but I believe it's pronounced Blizzard? Yeah, yeah.

Again, depends on what part of the country you're from. Blizzard is the dude who cuts my hair. Oh, I know that dude. He hits up fades. Right, he'll put the old Seattle Supersonics logo right on the side of your head, right? Blizzard, let me get that 4-3 Clipper fade, nephew. Let me get that Color Me Bad beard. He'll take care of that for you.

It's 86 degrees out, right? It's July 9th? Yes, it is. And it's 4 p.m. And you, in some shorts, probably some bush knits, you saunter your way into a Dairy Queen. I crip walk into a Dairy Queen. You crip walk backwards into a Dairy Queen.

You do the snake your way up to the corner. And then you kip up up right there. I do. I crip walk into a Dairy Queen. You crip walk backwards into a Dairy Queen. You do the snake your way up to the corner and then you kip up up right there. I do. And they're like, what do you have? And you say,

I'll have a blizzard. And they're like, ooh, what kind of blizzard? And then you say, strawberry cheese quick. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Because you're healthy.

You get the fruits in there. Well, actually, what I do is I set my gun right on the counter and I go, strawberry cheese quick, please. You had a gun in your Met shorts?

Yeah, dude. That's asking for a disaster and I go strawberry cheese quick, please. You had a gun in your Mets shorts? Yeah, dude. That's asking for a disaster. I heard it's not just one. You can't have kids anymore because of that combo. I'm not asking for a disaster. I got two guns here. That's what I was asking for.

I want to hear it and I don't care if it's hacked. Well, I got two guns here. One for each of you. Yeah. Now, Kelly Jordan. For the listeners at home, Val Kilmer, he's here. He's guns here. One for each of you. Yeah. Now, Kelly Jordan. For the listeners, for the listeners at home,

Val Kilmer is, he's here. He's here. He's really here. He wasn't doing anything. It's Friday. Yeah, he's chilling out. He wanted to come

How do you feel about blizzards? Like, on the scheme of like, It wouldn't be in my top 75 food items. Your top 75? Yo! My man just took a, I'm with you, Christian, you're my house. I'm with you. I'm with you.

I guess I'll just get out of here. He looked you right in the face. I guess I'll just get out of here. David came into your house. I'll be just crying on the stage at Red Bull. Smeared it all over your rug and walked out. They wouldn't be on your top 75? Sean's over here picking up his teeth

with broken fingers right now. I'm going to have to make an emergency dentist appointment. I think that's the miracle of the draft system is that you got your choice. You're all set. And then you took a big fat dump on it. Your starting quarterback is going to be Dairy Queen Blizzard. That's terrific. I'm going to see you at the Super Bowl.

Man. Man. All right, quick. David took a ball pit. All right, quick. David took a ball pit, so you're saying the ball pit would be in your top 75 and an actual food item wouldn't be.

You would rather eat the ball pit than a strawberry cheese quake. Harsh. I get it, I get it. Man's got principles. Well, real quick, just indulge me. What are your blizzards? Let's go down the line.

If you had to. I'm not a huge blizzard fan, man. Butterfinger. Butterfinger. Butterfinger. You know what I always worry about? Because when it's upside down and it doesn't come out, I feel like that's going to be it in my butthole.

They do it now. Yeah. Wait, you feel... I don't swallow any of this. I just put it in my mouth and spit it out. I've never... Oh, like Rachel Ray? Yeah, man, I've never...

I've never pooped, so I'm still waiting on that day. Oh, you know what's funny? When he was like, I wouldn't even make my top 75. I feel like that's what we're all going to take away and cut me deep. Ian's over there counting picks.

All right. It's time for my first pick. And with my first pick, I'm going to take Old Faithful, maybe one of my favorite menu items of all time. Sure. I'm going to take

the Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme. Attaboy. I had to. I had to. I had to. That's a real choice. Thank you very much. Top 75? Absolutely.

Top 75. Boy. Verified. TV writers, we know shit. Damn, dog. I feel like I'll blow your hair back with my next four picks. I don't think you will. I don't know.

I know. It's a good thing I brought my Teflon. You know what I mean? Maybe just cross out ice chips, you know? It's nothing but corners, so it's nothing but corners for flavor to get stuck in, all right? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Oh, look at that little corner full of flavor. And it was the first handheld. It's a handheld. Oh, yeah, you could be driving, switching lanes. Rolling a blunt, texting. Yeah, absolutely. Pop a random on your arm.

T-I-83 plus. Yep. This is the one that is a hexagon, correct? Okay. All right. Yeah. Yeah. I respect the choice.

It's also good. If there was somebody, if I had like a pile of Crunchwrap Supremes and there was someone in the back of the room who was like, Carms, Crunchwrap me. And I was like, gotcha, bro. What? And I say bro is a gender neutral term. I want to go on the record as that right now because I know the Crunchwrap Supreme crosses every creed, every gender. Yeah.

And most religions. I think it is a meat and cheese thing. My favorite creed is Apollo. Those keep it kosher. Maybe not. Huh? I said my favorite creed is Apollo. Those keep it kosher. Maybe not. Huh? I said my favorite creed is Apollo. Apollo creed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's Eden's Clearwater Revival. Have you ever... That's right. Creed Eden's Clearwater Revival. Have you ever had a breakfast Crunchwrap? Have you ever seen the rain? Yeah.

That's what I want to know. I have had a breakfast Crunchwrap, and I celebrate them as well. I don't know if it counts, but I have had them. They're delicious. I always thought I could do that well at home. Make a Crunchwrap surprise?

I don't know if you can get the angles. I love you, and I believe in you, and anything you try, but the angles would be so tough. Bill, I saw you shaking your head. Throw that hate at someone. Let's hear it. Let's hate on this a little bit.

No, the shaking the head of the, like, do you think David could make it at home? Because I think it'd be really hard to do. Those angles are tough, man. Like, I have a hard time making a regular burrito at home

and just folding it so it all comes together. Well, I mean, do it. When you sit at home, I'm doing this for me. I don't have to hit all the angles. When you unwrap, though. Are you opening, you're right, I can't make, any time I make a burrito at home, I'm like, boy, oh boy.

And then like, it fucking gets out the back like, and then I do, you're on the scooter. 16 year olds at a house party. That's a good metaphor. Thank you. That's exactly right. That's exactly right. And it is, but that thing, it's a miracle of architecture. Yeah.

In terms of the way it folds over into those six different things. And yes, as you said, it's wonderful to eat it while driving. Oh, it's so good. It doesn't have like every, many other Taco Bell items have a lot of leakage on your shirt. Yes, absolutely. And that one doesn't because of the architecture. It's all tucked in. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you realize how much of a miracle it is when you try to, because I try to open it up so I can fill it in with hot sauce. And then when I try to fold it back, I'm like, well, this doesn't. It's like refolding a shirt at Macy's when you're like, well, I'll just leave it for the employee. Why don't you just take a bite and put the hot sauce on the top? Because I'm driving, David. I have a car in this scenario, so I'm driving.

You know, that Honda out front. I found the keys. With my second pick. Okay, alright. Well, shit, alright. With my second pick. Okay, all right. Well, shit, all right. No, okay, with my second pick, I'm going to go,

I'm going to get the Burger King Whopper. Yeah, all right. Yeah. Okay. I don't care. You think I care? I don't fucking care at all. I don't need to be liked.

That's why I do stand-up. All right, I do care. You know what I will say for the Whopper? Yeah. At least they're still pretending to put vegetables on. Yeah.

Like the vegetables taste like not vegetable, but like at McDonald's they're just like, nah, nah, bro. DPQC. What the fuck is lettuce? Yeah.

Let me just quick addendum Whopper with cheese. Yeah, of course. Oh my God, the crowd's going wild. You can't hear it because I turned the mic off. We're going to need to sweeten the dials on that one. I just love it. I love whatever bullshit smoke flavor they spray on it.

I believe. Yeah, what is that? It's the adult version of believing in Santa Claus. You're like, ooh, flame broiled. It's good for me. I like the size of it. It makes me feel smaller. You know what I mean?

Do you get the little Whopper or you get the big ass? What do you think? What is it? Well, sometimes it's fun to have two Whopper juniors and make them fight. Oh, yeah.

Or you stack them up. You got two Whopper juniors. Yeah, it's like, I can beat up dad now. It's like a good time. It's my favorite of the mainstream fast food cheeseburgers, like novelty cheeseburgers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right. I just love a Whopper with cheese. It remains pretty much the only good thing at Burger King these days. I mean, I've been down at Burger King all year, and they really deserve it. They've really done a bad job. They're doing a bad job. Someone who has also been down at Burger King these days. I mean, I've been down at Burger King all year, and they really deserve it. They've really done a bad job. They're doing a bad job. Someone who has also been down at Burger King all year.

Yeah. You've been down with Burger King all year. Yeah, Burger King feels like they're kind of getting left behind in the fast food wars a little bit. Well, I could write a 75,000 word article for the New Yorker about this topic. And I could read it. Thank you. This is crazy to be like, do you want to get married?

We do. It does seem like we're hitting it off pretty well. I'm excited for the menu at this wedding. That'll be fun. I'll bring the one blizzard. Yeah, bring the one blizzard. Trust me, we're not registered at DQ. That'd be like a... That'd be a wedding you couldn't get drunk at.

You just keep hitting the whiskey and you're like, I don't know. I got so much down here. It's hard to get drunk when there's a Baja Blast fountain. Who's drinking tequila then? I mean, I am. But yeah. Whopper con queso, that was my pick.

Sean Jordan, it's time for your second pick. As it is, I forgot. 17 draft. All right, I'm going to pick, man, I did forget. So, all right, here we go. I'm going to pick the two tacos for 99 cents at Jack in the Box.

Damn. Damn. Damn. That was a good pick. Making up for that amazing first pick, I guess. Somehow I had to make up. I really thought I could have gotten that late. Really? Yeah, I played myself.

Come on, man. I know. Me too. That was like a when you don't have any dough. It's just one of the most clutch. That shit was like a staple, man. Yeah, dude. And you get at Jack in the Box,

they have little tubs of Frank's Red Hot too. So they're just perfect. It is a tiny little bathtub of Frank's Red Hot. My little taco. It's actually a toilet. It's a miniature toilet of Frank's Red Hot. You know, it's funny when I first started getting those and people tried to tell me why they thought they were bad.

And they're like, dude, they deep fry them. I'm like tight. And they're like, yeah, they, they just put one piece of cheese in there. Tight, tight. That's all. Also, you're in this jack in the box with me, motherfucker. Who the fuck are you? Tell me what to do.

Not like I brought it home and you're eating like chicken Alfredo or something. I love how they're, I mean, I know the word is greasy, but it's just weird how they're like wet, but they're not wet. You know what I mean? I call it sexy. Yeah. These tacos are sexy tacos. They're like vintage timber like haircut. And you're like, is that wet? I don't think it's wet, but I think it's wet.

I just want to go on record as saying wet but not wet is not sexy. It's like they just got out of the shower when we started making love before they dried off all the way. You know? I like that way know? I like that way better. I like that way better.

You like that way better. I almost thought the word wet sounds like somebody from Baltimore saying what. Wet? He's a police. Wet? Alright. Yeah, man. Those are just a clutch. Oh, I love them. Absolutely. It's the cornerstone of a Jack of the Box.

What do you think about the Taco Supreme? That's $1.29 for just one, but sure. Oh, that's the one with the cheese slice in it, right? Yep. They all have cheese slices. These have cheese slices in them, too. It has the lettuce and tomato. It has the other stuff.

Yeah, I don't fuck with lettuce or tomato too hard. I'm more of an all bad for you. Did you say it's too hard? No, I said I don't fuck with it too hard. I'm more of an all bad for you. Did you say it's too hard? No, I said, well, all right. No, I said I don't fuck with it too hard. I'm more of an all bad for you kind of person, you know? I don't want anything accidentally to do a good job while I'm eating it. Wouldn't be right. Put the lettuce in the room that is your stomach.

Two tacos for 99 cents. David Borey. I'm going to go back, especially because we were disparaging it. I'm going to go back to especially because we were disparaging it. I'm going to go back to the slums of Burger King. Because sometimes in the pure sufferation, you find a Bob Marley. And with that, I am picking the BK Big Fish. Oh.

What? Did they even make this? It's polarizing, but like some of you know. Some of you know how good it is. It's incredible. It's huge. It's the best fish sandwich at a fast food restaurant. Do they make them still? It's big.

Oh, yeah, they make them, baby. They do? It's a big fish. I hear you. I hear you. It's the BK Big Fish. I hear you clucking, Big Chicken. I just wasn't sure if they still made them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Check your tone. Watch your mouth. You do me a favor and keep my name out your mouth. I can't promise you anything. Yeah, I like the big fish. I started getting it in high school because I was lifting. You know, I needed some power.

Absolutely. You wanted to call upon the might of Poseidon every time you went to the gym. David, you look like you're struggling. Go to Burger King and get some food. And then come back to wait. Your power cleans have jumped up 30 pounds in two months. How'd you do this? You've been at Burger King all day.

Dude, for real, me and Nick Manpay not on the mic, but in the room. Nick, where are you? Somewhere. Nick, what up? There he goes. We used to go to fucking Jack in the Box before football practice and eat like, well, I'm not going to say what we ate, but like that's what we would eat before football.

Oh, yeah. That's what we did with the primes of our lives. Like when our bodies could handle anything, when we could have climbed mountains or wrestled an elk to the ground and broken its neck, but like in a merciful way. Instead, we were like, let's eat the shittiest food possible. Just like sending, just like fucking like, I don't know. It's like, you know how they get like natural gas out of shale in Canada?

I don't know how they do that. Where they get like barely any and they like destroy the environment. Like that's what our bodies were doing with energy from that shit. No, that's different. Just taking that tiny little bit of nourishment that you could find in that.

And your body's like, oh, I mean, we're 19. We were nutrition fracking. It's gut fracking. Yeah, gut fracking. My granddaddy used to gut frack. It's a smart podcast. Gut fracking.

Yeah, but yeah, that's my, I like the big fish. I was always, I like fish sandwiches, so I understand. I'm with you. I'm with you on that part.

I'm not, but. Do you eat fish at all? No. He thinks fish sandwiches, so I understand. I'm with you. I'm with you on that part. I'm not, but I get you. Do you eat fish at all? No. He thinks fish is a vegetable. Never. Never. I mean, with the card. Not going. Not ever. Never. Never. I'm going to drink some tequila. Belowkly,

it's time for your second pick. All right, guys. I already have my Brady, but there's four or five more. All right, guys, I already have my Brady. You do. There's four or five more Bradys on the table that you guys have not drafted yet. We're stupid. I don't want any more Bradys.

We're not smart, man. I don't want any more Bradys. I don't want to look at Julian Edelman over here with the blizzard. No, I need some Ed Reeds. I need some people. I need some safeties and stuff. So I'm not going to pick a Brady, although I will be happy to tell you what they were later.

I'm going to pick a specialty item, and it is the roast beef and cheddar sandwich from Arby's. It was my next pick. Oh my gosh. I got too cocky with the ball pit.

Cocky is the wrong word. You were wrong with the ball pit. Cocky with the ball pit is the opposite of sweet with the pickle juice. How did they go on a scale of cock wrong with the ball pit. Cocky with a ball pit is the opposite of sweet with a pickle juice. How'd the date go on a scale of cocky with a ball pit or sweet with a pickle juice? How'd it go? Sweet with a pickle juice is an inside joke.

It's an inside joke about being good at sex, and I don't even remember where it came from yet, but I'm sweet with a pickle juice. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory. Talk to us about the roast beef and cheddar. Okay, I had never eaten Arby's in my entire life until this past summer. No, what?

Never. Really? And they, and somebody, people were always, like when I was doing these reviews, people were like, you gotta try Arby's, you gotta try Arby's roast beef and cheddar. And I tried it and it was magnificent. And like, okay, first of all,

everyone likes to make fun of Arby's because Jon Stewart did it. The show you wrote for made fun of Arby's, the roast beef and cheddar. And I tried it and it was magnificent. And like, okay, first of all, everyone likes to make fun of Arby's because Jon Stewart did it. The show you wrote for made fun of Arby's all of the Simpsons. I'm so hungry. I could eat at Arby's. I was not responsible for any of those jokes. I was not responsible for any of those Arby's jokes. Damn. That's a scoop, folks. There it is.

People who crap on Arby's haven't been to Arby's. That's what I've been saying. It's because Jon Stewart's been 10 years making fun of it because people who crap on Arby's haven't been to Arby's. That's what I've been saying. That's my top. It's because Jon Stewart's been 10 years making fun of it because it has a funny Arb sound in it. And that's exactly, that's what I said in my review. And I actually have been to Arby's three or four times in the past year and every time it has been great.

It's good. It's really, who doesn't like carved meats? I had a Reuben from Arby's, you know, and I got a high Reuben standard. Oh shit, I'm sorry. But it was good. That Reuben was a classic Arby's. I'm sorry, it was good though.

That was very good. Did you get to try the duck sandwich? No, that I didn't. That was a venison one, and we're throwing these out. But like, they only had them in 12 locations, in places where there's a lot of ducks flying around, I guess, and this is one of them. And Clackamas, And I went out there

and I had it and it was actually pretty good. Really? Yeah, and it had a cherry sauce on it. Oregon has fresh duck sandwiches at Arby's? Yes. Just that one time we did. Fresh duck, the measles, the blazes. That's what we're about.

The measles are really more of a Vancouver washing. Yeah, it's more of a Vancouver-Washington thing. Yeah, it's more of a Southwest Washington joint. The duck was fresh, though, from these streets. I can't speak to the provenance of the duck. That's fair. Nor should you. Their plight is their own, and they can speak for themselves. The roast beef... It's proportioned perfectly.

I like to hit it with some horsey sauce too. I like that horsey sauce. That's the best thing about Arby's, man. They have that like three pepper sauce or whatever. You know what I do? I'm gross. I like to put the actual sandwich up to the pump and then jack up the middle like a

jellyfish. Oh, like pump it in? Are you serious? I hope you're serious. God, I want you to be serious. I'll take my tray over like a lunatic and I'll make like a little lake of Arby's sauce. Like I don't use the little ramekins or whatever. I just put it on the fucking tray is what I do. They have the paper on there.

I don't put it like on the tray, but I guess that paper. Wait, you put it on the paper? Yeah, it's gross. You're right, it's gross. Now that I'm saying it loud. No, no, I'm not with whoever booed you. That's it's gross. You're right, it's gross. Now that I'm saying it loud. No, no, I'm not with whoever booed you.

That's not fair. That's a very reasonable thing to do. It's also brave. See that? See that? Encouragement. I like it. We're nice.

It's a nice podcast. I love a roast beef and cheddar. It's a delicious choice, a wonderful choice. Bill, as it is a serpentine draft, it's now time for your third pick. Filling out my defensive line, I'm going to draft.

I love it. I love this. Popeye's boneless wings. Oh! Whoa, sir! That was crazy! You just Indomitian sued me! Nice! Portland, Oregon zone.

Really? Stepping on heads and shit. and shit yeah i mean the other stuff was good we do that here it's not it's not rude boneless wings i don't really know okay first of all popeyes is by far the best fast food fried chicken in my opinion i don't think anybody anybody would argue with that i think the boneless wings are just slightly easier to eat while driving yeah than the other foods but here's the thing i understand that just slightly easier to eat while driving than the other foods. But here's the thing. I understand that you drive, but I eat a lot of food sad in my room, and I need... So that's kind of my opinion.

Really, I would say there's virtually no difference between the boneless wings and any of the other chicken, except that the boneless wings don't have bones. But I'm a thigh guy. And that makes them better. I don't want a bone in there. They're easier to dip into the sauces. You're not going to get one acting like that. So that's why they're marginally more valuable to me in this draft

than Popeye's just plain pieces of chicken, which are also excellent. Do you dip them? Yeah, the boneless wings are meant to be dipped. They have a large number of weird sauces. Yeah, Popeye's does have a weird amount of sauce. They have that lemon pepper sauce, right? I never had that, but I heard it's good. Maybe I just dreamed that.

Lemon pepper wet? Also, that's not weird. That's great. A little Cajun sparkle on there? The world is yours. You know what I mean? A little bit of the devil's rub. They have Cajun sparkle, right?

Yeah, that's Popeyes. Cajun sparkle. And you can get the chicken. You can get blackened chicken, too, where they'll burn it for you. It's really dope. Everybody quiet, huh? Everybody quiet? Not a peep.

Popeye's Boneless Wings. It is my favorite chicken place. That's a clutch pick. You put a lot of thought into this. Those are hard to find. Yeah. I told you. I told you I was overprepared.

In South Dakota, they opened a Popeye's traffic control. They had cops to control the traffic when they opened the Popeye's. When you were growing up to control the traffic when they opened the Popeye's. When you were growing up in North Dakota, did you drive down to South Dakota?

Is this table bolted down? Did you bolt it down before you said that? I'm Michael Bolting it down. I'll flip it over into the whole room. The whole room. And then me and you

will hug it out up here. I love you so much. I love you too. I missed you. It's been 10 days. I know, I really do miss you. It's crazy. What's happened with y'all?

It's weird because the last day we all saw each other, we had that weird, like, felt like we were all going to college. Oh, yeah. Like when I left your house on that Sunday, it was like, oh, Sean's going to, and you're going, Zach was saying a graduation by vitamin C. But he was in his room

and he had no idea we were saying goodbye to each other. He was just lifting free weights, singing it. Excellent pick. David Borey, tell me your third pick. My third pick, I'm sticking to food items because I understand what I was doing and that it was crazy. You did it. It did. It got done.

I'm going my third pick. I'm going hot apple pie. Oh, really? Donald. That shit is always on point. I never had a bad one. From Mickey D's? Yeah.

From Mickey D's. I never had a bad one. What's the chicken? Does Popeye's have them now? There's a chicken spot that has them now? I've never had one of them. So I can't really weigh in. You've never had a hot apple?

We're going to do that tonight. All right, yeah. Don't threaten me with a good time. I'm in. I don't know why I said that. I'm like Bill with the fries where I'm like, if I'm going to fill out my, you know, I'm not counting calories, but I only got so much room.

It's an exclusive unit. So, like, I'm not moving an apple pie into one of those condos. It's downtown. It's got a much room. It's an exclusive unit. So like, uh, I'm not moving an apple pie. No, that condo is downtown. It's got a doorman. Right. Exactly. If you only were to ever have one fast food dessert item,

it should be that one. Really? That was on my list too. It's so good. Well, how do you think it is? Do you remember when they were still deep fried? Yeah.

Yeah. I, people seem to think that the baked is a step down. I mean, it's a lot healthier. It is a step down. Oh, they bake them?

I feel like when you would get it fresh out the fryer. Yeah, it's so crispy. I'm a gunslinger, dude. I eat my dessert first. Like, I don't give a fuck. You know why they make rules? You know why they make rules? I don't want to make rules.

No, you know why they make rules? Why? To break them, dude. Bang. Bang. Yeah, those fresh fried Why? To break them, dude. Bang. Bang. Yeah, those fresh fried hot apple pies were incredible, man. Yeah, they're right up there with blizzards. I feel you, for sure.

They're right up there with a nice cheese quake blizzard, man. Jaw feel, jaw provides. Yeah. Blizzards, hot apple pies, whoppers, right up there on the mail rush boy. You know, people love them. Dessert pits, yeah. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Cool.

Cool. Well, cool. Cool. So, what are you guys doing later? No, uh, excellent pick. Any further thoughts on the hot apple pie? No, it's just, it's great. You could dip your fries in it.

You wash it down with some Coke. Then you call it a hot apple fry. Oh, yeah's just, it's great. You could dip your fries in it. You wash it down with some Coke. Then you call it a hot apple fry. Oh yeah. So there was more to say. Sometimes I pop the top and then I dip it in. You give them a little jacuzzi, a little hot apple jacuzzi.

I give it the old pop and dip. You know what? If it's like a wedding or something fancy, you pop and dip, then you double it back to the soft serve. What wedding or something fancy

are these foods at? Their wedding. Yeah, our wedding. Which you can't come to fucking strawberry shake or whatever. Not the first wedding I haven't been invited to that I showed up at. With a blizzard. With a blizzard. We're jacked in! Sean wasn't invited

and he brought a blizzard. You know what else wasn't invited? The stain on your tuxedo, and then I throw the Blizzard at you. I storm out of the wedding. Oh, I like that. That sounds fun. Here it is. I'm seeing it in my head, and it's funny.

Sean Jordan. Yeah. It's time for your third pick. You know, what I'm going to do is... Make the urn sick. I don't know that we've done this since the other live Portland draft, but I'm going to call in a pinch hitter. Oh! Yeah, yeah. Oh, here it comes.

I'm going to call in a pinch hitter, and his name is is he around? At Zach Toscani? Yeah. Where is he? Oh, shit! Is he somewhere? Where is he? Oh, shit! Oh, there he goes. Oh, shit! Cal Zacula from Glen Sylvania.

Yeah. Doctor. Damn. Doctor. Damn. Now, Zach, first of all, what up, dude? What up? Add Zach Toscani on Twitter.

Zach with a K. Toscani with a Toscani. Toscani with a Toscani. I haven't had a- With a C? Yeah, with a C. Oh, yeah, Zach with a K, Toscani with a Coscani? Toscani with a Toscani? I haven't had a... With a C? Yeah, with a C. Oh yeah, Zach with a K, Toscani with a C. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And on Instagram. Zach eats more fast food than anyone I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. It's amazing. Every day, like you'll just come home, but you have a specific kind of fast food you like, but just so that people know, this is an expert sitting down at the table right now. I've dedicated my life to this.

For better or worse. You're a real athlete. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Except for all the fast food. Well, you know, I was really inspired. Chad Johnson used to eat McDonald's every day, and he was an NFL player, so I was like, it can be done. Yeah. The rumors are true.

So, Zach, what is... You got one pick. What is your... There's a couple options going through my head, but I'm going to go with... I'm from Ohio, so I got to go with something from Wendy's. I'm going the Frosty. The Frosty? See? Frosty. That's what Sean should have picked. That's what you dip

your fries into. Yes. It's always... Talk about it. That's what Sean should have picked. That's what you dip your fries into. It's always the perfect texture and coldness. It doesn't really get... It's never rock hard. Sean's over there losing it. As soon as he said rock hard, he almost spilled his water back there. He's still laughing. He has a boner, he off mic but like if you get if you get something of the sort from like a grocery store or like a convenience shop it's gonna be like so frozen that it's gonna be rock

hard yep but that they get it from the machine man it's always it's just nice and creamy yeah it's in that middle like no longer uh ice cream, not yet a shake. Exactly. Exactly. I'm not an ice cream. I'm not an ice cream. Not yet a milkshake. Britney Spears reference. I liked it. Yeah.

And there must be some kind of like mocha powder in it or something. It feels a little thicker. It's got a malt. It's got a malt to it. Yeah. Is it a malt? Is it a malt? Is it a malt?

I'm not a doctor. I'm not a malt to it. Is it a malt? I'm not a doctor. I'm not a malt doctor. I'm not Paul Blart malt cop. I don't know. That movie actually makes way more sense than the one they actually did. I would much rather see that movie. That's what I call it when I would much rather see that movie. This isn't real.

That's what I call it. That's what I call it when I go grab 40s for Sean. Paul Blart malt cop. Let me cop some of those malts. He loves it. It's a malt liquor. Oh, man. I had never thought about

the malt and malt liquor that's the same as like Whoppers. I don't know, dog. I don't think that. Is there a Whoppers beer? I understand how you would think that these two could be a conspiracy. Yeah, I think that I feel like this is a truffle thing. You know,

when I had candy truffles and I was like, oh, so this is what pigs find. Yeah. That is confusing. They do that with macaroons too. Because there's the, I don't know if anybody else is Jewish, but we grew up with those Passover-ass macaroons where they were like thick and tasted like coconut

and you'd bite into one and you'd, because it was so dry. And then you find out that the French have been making good macaroons the whole time and they're like, it tastes of rose water and shit like that. Le macaroon. Yeah, macaroon. Emmanuel Macron.

I'm wearing a Greg Oden jersey. It's non-sequitous. Bill Oakley, your thoughts on the Frosty? It was on my list, too. It's a good one. I mean, it's really solid. I agree with you. Top 75, I'd say.

Laser! It was the only drink on my list. I totally agree with everything you said about it. Delicious. Hell yeah. Look at that. Calzacula. Calzacula.

Thank you so much. Give it up for Zach Toscani. Keep it going for Zach. The blizzard and the frosty, goddammit. All right, listen. If we're calling in pinch hitters. Yeah, yeah. If we're calling in pinch hitters, I'm going to go to the bullpen and get myself a righty as well.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You got a pinch hitter coming in? I got a pinch hitter. I'm calling to go to the bullpen and get myself a righty as well. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You got a pinch hitter coming in? I got a pinch hitter. I'm calling to the bullpen. I'm calling David Douglas High School's own. Portland, Oregon's own. Uh-oh.

Which hospital is it now, Ma? Kaiser Permanente's own. St. Sue Carmel, ladies and gentlemen. Come on in. Give it up for St. Sue Carmel, ladies and gentlemen. Maybe Sue should take this whole thing over. Man, that was awesome. St. Sue Carmel, welcome.

Thank you. Gotta get that mic up there. Okay. There it is. No? Yeah? Now, as you are a pinch hitter, what would you... Let's hear this pick.

What do we got? What? Let's hear this fast food pick. Fast food item menus. Sean shuts down when Ian leaves. I'm having a stroke. I don't see David stepping in. Fucking.

Yeah, because you were doing such a great job. No, remember that one time David and I did it alone? We got through it. Huh? Sue, what's your, do you have a pick or something? Ask her how she's doing. How you doing, Sue? Thank you, Ian.

Thank you. I'm doing well. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. I'm happy to be here. I can't see anything, though. I know. It's like you can't see anything out there.

There's a sea of Sue Carmel fans out there is what there are. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. I'm so embarrassed. Wow, yeah. Yeah. Oh. Whoa. Thank you. I'm so embarrassed. Wow, no, that's awesome. I like to watch, I like to watch,

I don't like to. I know, I feel so bad sometimes when, because, you know, you listen. Yeah. And we talk about stuff. Oh, yeah, I listen to every, I feel so bad.

I just want you, I listen to every podcast. Oh, no. Every single one. You know? And I listen to everything you guys say. So you know what good intentions we have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I especially like it when Ian goes, Ma, don't listen to the next five minutes. I can just see, like, all right, crank it up real quick. Sure. So I turn it up and I listen. Yeah. No, it's great. I don't mind.

It's all good. That didn't sound like it's an all good, all good. Sounded like we're going to get in trouble later. And I get it. I get it. Absolutely not. I'm your biggest fan. My mom.

God, I know. You know that. My mom doesn't even know what a podcast is. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's because you won't get it or not. I'm your biggest fan. My mom, well, God, I know. You know that. My mom doesn't even know what a podcast is. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's because you won't get her an iPhone. I know. She's still listening to Buck Cherry. That's what Kelly Jordan's doing.

It's ridiculous. No, the podcast is great. How could I not listen to it every single minute of it? God, you're awesome. Yeah, yeah. Right? Since day one, this one. It is. Now, I'm wildly interested Since day one, this one. It is.

Now, I'm wildly interested to hear this pick, though. What do we got? Okay, well, this is not even going to make, I'm not even going to fit right in, but when I... Well, David picked a ball pit in case you forgot. Okay, okay. So it's not about... It was still better than your first pick.

No, it's not. It just isn't. Experts said it was. Listen. I don't think I might bite that far. Jeez. Cheese and rice.

Well, the important thing is that was what you wanted, not what Sean wanted. Sure. Exactly. See that? It's not always about what Sean wants.

Thank you. That's what I've been saying. It's almost never about what I want, according to David. No, that's not cool. It's what's good for you. So what almost never about what I want, according to David. No, that's not cool. It's what's good for you. So what's good for me in fast food is I don't really go through drive-thru anymore since I don't have any kids in the car.

But I still like. Just picture you kneeing in the back. Give me the football practice. I know. All the time. All the time. Yeah. Every mother knows your car is full of French fries.

Cold, hard French fries. The entire time you're raising kids. But now, because I don't go to fast food because I don't have kids in the car, my favorite fast food is a Costco hot dog. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Yeah!

Yeah! Damn it! Yes! Thank you! Dear me! Yes! Thank you. Thank you. Well done. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I think I picked a good one. I think it was better than yours. That was amazing. I can take it. Yeah. Yeah. I can take it. Yeah. Yeah. I can handle it.

You know? And you can put the sauerkraut on it and you can, they got all the relish and you spit it out of that relish dispenser right on the hot dog,

right? And it's 99 cents with the drink. With the drink. Yeah. There's no better deal. Best value in fast food. Right, exactly.

Yeah, Costco's wiling out with that. Remember when we had that date at Costco? I do. David and I went to a mall in LA just to go to a Costco and a big mall that we heard that had like a koi pond. And it was the first time I'd been to a Costco. And did you have a hot dog?

I did. I think we had two hot dogs and a drink each. Yeah, we used to go and buy a whole package of them so we could take them home and have a real dinner. Which is kind of sad. What a Friday night. You'd put them home and have a real dinner. Which is kind of sad. You'd put them out for everybody. So good. Yeah. Costco hot dog with the drink. 99 cents.

Everything on it. Best pick so far. That was amazing. Thank you. Hell yeah. Now I'm leaving. One more time for Sue Carmel everybody. Damn. One more time for Sue Carmel, everybody Damn Damn

That was a pick That was a pick right there Damn, that shit must run in the family Because your mom just came through Oh shit Now he's going to give us a real talk about STDs For everybody listening, Ian just took his shirt off. That's what happened.

Who are we? So blind to see. On my knees in the night saying prayers in the street of life. I guess I won't. I guess a front. I sat backwards in my chair because I was so stoked on my mom's pick. I'm Michelle Pfeiffer at heart. Damn, that shit was...

I love a Costco hot dog. I didn't even think of it. Oh, definitely. What you're getting here is the watered-down version. You gotta go right to the source. That's the original. You're the beef stock. She's the soup bowl. That's right.

Does that play? Does that make sense? Yep. It made sense in my head. Perfect sense. All right. As it is, it's time for me to make my fourth pick. And with my fourth pick, it's Controverse.

Oh, shit. It's not a... Is it food? It is food. All right. I'll say it all night. I'll say it until tomorrow, David. It is controversial.

I do not agree with the company's politics. Uh-oh. I know where this is going. I know exactly what it is. Is it a Nazi burger? I'm taking the water they give you at Planned Parenthood. No, I'm joking. I'm joking.

I fully agree with planned parenthood politics, but I... I'm gonna take the Chick-fil-A spicy chicken sandwich. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. It's fine. It's incredible. Yeah. I know! Unfortunately, that's how good it is. And I'm sorry,

but I had to. Yeah. Because it's so good. And I make offsetting donations every time I eat there. And I swear to God, that's true. Is there a Chick-fil-A in Portland? There's not, is there? I think there is now, yeah. There is now.

There's three. There's three or four now. And there's a Chick-fil-A in Hollywood that also the franchise owners donate a bunch of money to gay rights organizations. If that makes it any better. Oh, man, Zach, we should start going there instead of the Wendy's. That's a real inside bitch, Paul. Zach just deleted your number. I heard him.

I heard him be like, well, David and I used to be friends until he said that. Zach's a Wendy's guy. Can you give us a minute on what's different about the spicy sandwich versus the regular? What's the level of spice? It's a medium spice.

It's not anything that's going to like... Is it a sauce on it? It's not a sauce. It's like a rub. It's a rub spice. It's not anything that's going to like... Is it a sauce on it? It's not a sauce. It's like a rub. It's a rub on the chicken. So it's like a level of spice where you'll be like, ooh. But not like, oh no. Wait, what was the first one?

Ooh. I like the second one. Oh no. Ooh, oh no. Ooh, oh no. Ooh, oh no. Ooh, oh no. Damn,, oh no, oh no. Damn son, where'd you get that chicken sandwich?

Damn son, where'd you bite this? Oh, spicy. Stop it! I just wrecked it, I wrecked it for him. God damn it. You see what you did? That's never going to happen again. It's a good level of spice.

You don't need a glass of milk. It's not going to bring tears to your eyes, but it will stay with you for, I'm going to say, three to four minutes after you complete the sandwich. It's not going to bring tears to your eyes, but it will stay with you for, I'm going to say, three to four minutes after you complete the sandwich. It's really good. The chicken is great. It's tender. It's juicy. All the employees at Chick-fil-A

are so nice. It's really weird. It's weird. They're really nice. I don't know if they like pay them a living wage or what's going on there, but they're nice. They have some special thing they're supposed to say, right? What is it? It's like... Oh, I don't remember. I'm in a fugue state every time I'm there.

What is it? My pleasure. Right, right. Yeah, what if I don't say thank you and they just hand you your food and they go, my pleasure? I didn't say anything, Doug. They say it in that voice that you have. I read some article about this where they're like,

that's a big point of pride for them because they think that too many people today say no problem or something like that where you're implying like it would have been a problem to serve you, whereas this person says it was my pleasure to serve you. So it's very old-fashioned. They don't take you back to neutral. They elevate it.

Exactly. I think that's pretty good. That is nice. That's what I'm all about. And the chicken sandwich is good. That part's nice. The rest of what's going on at Chick-fil-A, maybe not so much,

but I don't know about that. But it's a delicious sandwich. I don't eat around the bush. I don't like it. I do not care for their politics. Yeah. I open with that. I know. Ian opened with that. I know.

Ian literally donates. I just say stuff in a microphone. So that is my fourth pick. Sean Jordan, it is time for your fourth pick. KFC mashed potatoes. Oh. Am I getting mixed reactions? Did I hear some boos?

No, that's just so... Okay, I thought I heard a couple, yeah. They're just, I don't get them a ton because I don't go to KFC a ton, but they are, every single time I go there, I get them. I absolutely love them. That's like a big pile of salt with gravy on it, right? Yes.

Every other thing I get at KFC is just something I can use to get mashed potatoes into my mouth with. Every other single thing. Yeah, that's the way to do it. Yeah, everything goes in there. I'll get two orders sometimes. Just so I can have, like, I call it dip. Let me get some dip.

And they're like, what kind of dip? And I go, mashed potato dip. That's what we call it. Listen, dump a bunch of... Go down to KFC and get some potato dip. Go dump a bunch of rye whiskey on some to KFC and get some potato dip. Go dump a bunch of rye whiskey on some red hair and give me the potato dip

back there. Ah. That made me feel like that voice makes me feel. Oh. You know, it makes me... And I don't know how to explain this,

but that voice, it makes me feel like my shirt is off in a situation where it shouldn't be on. Yeah. And someone just spills, like, warm milk down my back to my ass crack. That's how it makes me feel. Yeah. Like warm milk ass crack.

Yeah. That's fine with me. It's just so. That's absolutely fine with me. Bill, Sean does this voice that is from an Eminem album, this skit about this guy Ken Kniff from Connecticut. Is that right? I also skipped that skit every time.

It was the worst part of Eminem's album, and they were pretty odious on their own. It's that voice I've been doing. Everybody hates it. He talks about killing his mom, and I still skip that skit. That's how bad it is. We lost the crowd. I think it was the Chick-fil-A thing.

That's fair. Yeah. Yeah, KFC mashed potatoes. There we go. You do whatever you want to them. They're amazing. Put some pepper on there. Dip the gravy with it. Pepper, Mr. Food. Now we're right back in it.

Everybody got back in the hot tub. We got out for a second. We're right back in it. See? Everybody got back in the hot tub. We got out for a second. We're right back in. Everybody's like, it's cold out there. Mr. Food. Yeah, we're real foodie. I like pepper.

I like putting a little ice in that water. Only on Sundays. It's really an interesting choice because like, I would never, if this draft, if we were here for a week and this went for 100,000 rounds, I would have been picking Hardee's coffee.

Right, exactly. I would be out of breath on the ground. I'd have been like the cheese left over on a Whopper wrapper. 100,000 rounds. It's not that they're bad, it's just that they don't spring to mind as anything special.

It's weird, yes, as I said, I would have been the hardest coffee. Yeah, I need it from three people. That's what I need. I need to get three shits on me. It would be four shits if you eat all those mashed potatoes. I'll eat them. Don't act like you wouldn't be dipping your fingers in there,

you little fucking dork. I'm a dork with a fork, though. I'll tell you that much. They got a spork if you're at KFC. They don't believe in forks. Yeah. Spork is just a fat fork. Nice. Yeah. You just a fat fork. Nice.

You're right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He-B-W fork. KFC mashed potatoes. All right. David?

You can't throw that in at the end. I just said all right. What do you mean? Oh, I thought you said not great. No, I didn't say that all right KFC mashed potatoes Go David, okay, you guys pinch-hitted. Yeah, so I'm gonna pinch it. Oh, do you know what you're placing the call to? I'm placing the call to Toronto, the home of the one daddy we saw. And also, Super Producer Marissa is gonna take my vote.

Yeah! Super Producer Marissa! First, let's one huge round of applause for super producer Marissa. Follow her on the mic. Hell yeah. How are you? I'm good. Thank you.

I'm having such a great time here. You guys are all so wonderful and loving. Excellent. So this is your first time in Portland? It's my first time in Portland. Yeah, you've never been before? That's amazing. You've been here three hours.

How are you liking it so far? I love it. Everyone here looks so cool. Don't tell anyone that. I can't because I know that's Portland's thing is that everyone here is really cool.

So I feel weird pointing it out. But you guys are very cool and I respect that. Man, Fuck yeah. And our other thing is a lot of us just own stores that sell succulents

and those are the two things. Just a bunch of succulent store owners passing around the same $50,000. Yeah. I love it. Those are our things.

I got goosebumps. That was accurate. That was hilarious. Any big plans for while you're here? Just hanging out with you guys. You're the king of Portland. Easy. Easy.

This is the absolute perfect time to come to Portland with the AFU live shows and going with you and Sean and David. And the weather is an accurate representation of what it's normally like. It's not one of those July days that makes people in California

buy homes here. It's perfect. So Marissa, we are here to draft fast food items. Yes. So you are picking for David. What is your pick?

I'm picking for David. Okay, sure. David's picks are just wild right now. Yeah, David picked a ball pit. Right. You could take the look somebody gives you when you walk into an Arby's, you know what I mean?

Like, that's fun. Okay. I'm gonna stay on my home turf. Yeah. So I apologize if I alienate anyone, but I feel like this translates well to the U.S. as well. I'm going to go for the Tim Hortons Timbits. Tim Hortons what?

We didn't hear you. The Timbit. The Timbits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Timbit. Yes. Alright. What is that? I believe it's the equivalent of like a Dunkin' Donuts donut hole, I think. Okay. So they're just like these little round balls of donut. They're very snackable.

Little round balls of donut? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That describes us. They're very snackable. I go for the variety pack, so there's something for everyone. There you go. They're great to bring to like soccer games

or any events. If you don't know what to bring, just bring some Timbits. Bring them to a soccer game and eat all of them in the car by yourself, like I would do. They're a really great crowd pleaser. Oh, great.

You show up and people are like, oh, Timbits. Yeah. There's a Timbit for everyone. People are in the crowd. Do we have some Canadians in the room? Yeah. Get them.

No, I'm not. This is all a long con a year and a half. Shalom to our Canadian friends. So we heard flavors shouted out there. What were some of the flavors, you guys? Sour cream glazed. Sour cream glazed. I thought you said sour cream blazed.

That's like when David and I tried to turn that Land O'Lakes sour cream into a bong. That's like when David and I tried to turn that Land O'Lakes sour cream into a bong. That's another story. Sour cream glazed donuts. Hell yeah, dude. All right. I miss it just thinking about it. I miss it. I can't tell.

She's going to skip the show tonight and just drive up to Vancouver and get some of them. You can do it. That was six hours. Excellent. So they come in a bunch of different flavors. A little poppable donut. Yeah. Tim Hortons.

Is Tim Hortons the restaurant you miss the most from Canada, like chain-wise? I think so. Is it a restaurant? It's kind of like a fast food place. Like your Dunkin' Donuts here. But is it like a 7-Eleven? Do they have like 7-Eleven style stuff? Is it a convenience store too?

No, no, no, no. It's like a Dunkin'. Yeah. All right. Yeah. It's like a little coffee shop. All right. All right.

I've been sorely misinformed about Tim Gordon. It's like, kind of like in LA, or I imagine most American cities, there's like Starbucks on every corner. That would be the Canadian equivalent, except it's much cheaper, and it's just like more cozier. I don't know.

It's like a very cozy ambience, in my opinion. You'll be fine talking shit about Starbucks in Portland. Yeah, it's fine. It's safe. We all go there, but we sneer at it. You know what I mean? We're like, and we're all like, oh, he goes to Starbucks on our way home from a Starbucks. Like, that's the whole, you can only go to Stumptown so much.

The coffee, why does it taste fruity? It's weird to me. I still drink it, but whatever. Anyway, I'll talk more about it at the stand-up show tonight. I've got 18 minutes. Marissa, excellent pick. Super Bruce Marissa, thank you so much. Give it up for Marissa, ladies and gentlemen,

and everyone in between, non-binaries, everybody. David Bowie, back on the mic. Bill Oakley, it's time for your fourth and then your fifth picks, as it is. How many picks do we get total? We get five, baby. Yeah. All right, I'm ready. Time to bring it home.

Your mom took my previous pick. Oh, your mom, dude. Your mom, bro. What the fuck? Your mom. Your mom's so cool, she took my previous pick. You were going to take a Costco hot dog? Yeah.

Mom, the fast food expert. I had. I sure did. That's awesome. Oh, you had a fourth and fifth. Mom had a higher. That's why you play the game, Bill. Yeah.

And I am taking this seriously, and I am playing the game. There you are. And I want to construct a well-balanced team. I don't want seven hamburgers on the team. I don't want seven noveltyurgers on the team. I don't want seven novelty mashed potato type items. I want Blizzard, Frosty, mashed potatoes. No offense.

No offense. No offense. Some offense. Yeah, no offense. I don't want any shitty mashed potatoes or anything like that. I get it. I didn't say they were shitty. They're just a non-entity. I know. I make weird moves over here. No, they're not even up there enough to be shitty, dude.

My last pick's going to be a weirder move, but that's, you know, that's... Okay. We're not there yet. He just breaks a bottle over my head. That, dude. That, bro. All right.

All right, here we go. I am trying to balance out... These are going to be weird picks, and I'm trying to balance out my team with... This is the special teams portion. Beautiful. You're well on your way. Okay. So, and you just mentioned it. This one is gonna be, nobody's gonna see this one coming,

it is the Starbucks turkey and stuffing holiday panini. Amazing. What the fuck are you talking about? They're amazing. There you go. What, whoa! They're so good. What?

If this had been a thing where you had to pay money to bid, I would have gotten that for like two cents. You really would have. And it's a superstar. Let me ask you a question. Damn. David's seriously over here freaking out. I don't think he knew they were real.

Have you guys had one? No, everything's in slow motion for me right now. I've had one. They're amazing. Come to Oregon, see Bigfoot, bro. That's what's up. I have one question about it. Does it have cranberry sauce on it?

Yes. I'm out. That's just me. I'm well documented on being out on cranberry on a sandwich, but that's just me. But tell us what you like. Definitely. I would say it's one of those acquired tastes.

Like I would have been like you 10, 15 years ago until I started to accept cranberry on Thanksgiving sandwiches. And I'm telling you, it works. And this is the Thanksgiving. 10, 15 years ago until I started to accept cranberry on Thanksgiving sandwiches. Right? And I'm telling you, it works. And this is the Thanksgiving... And Starbucks isn't really known for its sandwiches, but people recommended this to me

and I tried it and it was stellar. And it is really one of those Thanksgiving-style sandwiches except that it's kind of crunchy because they put it in the panini press. What kind of bread are they rocking? You know, like that panini bread.

Yeah, they got the panini bread. I've had a lot of other Starbucks sandwiches, and I actually like them a lot. This one really stuck with me, and I knew no one else was going to pick it, so that was my, like, you know. Late round value picks. Exactly.

Damn, has anyone else here rocked with one of those? Oh, yeah. Smattering. There's never been something that was more of a smattering than that applause right there. But I feel like now who's going to try one next holiday season? Yeah. And I feel like

that would have been, if the first one was a smattering, that was a... That was a battering. A battering, sure. Hands together. You could have dipped that in Friday. A smothering. They're really good. They're really good. You've had one? Yeah. Oh, delicious. They're fantastic. Cool. Well, yeah. Now am I up for You've had one? Yeah. Oh, delicious. They're fantastic.

Okay, cool. Well, yeah. All right. Now am I up for my fifth pick immediately? Final pick, yeah. Okay, another one. Another one that I think many people will agree upon that people did not see coming that I could get for cheap in a real draft.

Panda Express orange chicken. What are you talking? Yeah. Everybody. That was on all of our lists. Everyone in this room, maybe not like the gen pop, but this room, that's a popular pick. Man. That's

probably the food I eat the most. I can't believe I didn't take it. Out of everything that I eat, that's I can't believe I didn't take it. Out of everything that I eat, that's, man, that is a clutch good pick. I'm such an idiot. That's such a good pick. I'm an idiot. It's so good.

We live in Glendale, where Panda Express is from. Yeah. That's when we were too close, Sean. That's what happened. I love the orange chicken. It's so fucking good. Zach goes there four times a week.

Zach does the weird move where he buys it, brings it home, leaves it on the counter for like an hour, walks past it five or six times. Head games, Bill. He'll open the door, and he'll just be like, yeah, go ahead and leave.

It's fucking so good. Pan Express, it's tangy. It's a little sweet. It's so delicious. Oh, yeah, the best. It feels like good chicken, too, and it's tangy. It's a little sweet. It's so delicious. Oh, yeah. It's the best. It feels like good chicken, too. And it's probably not, but nobody correct me on that.

Hey, juicy chicken's good. It's also good for several days. Yes, it is. You know, like you could keep it. I think you could eat it four or five days later and still be okay. Yeah, when like the syrup gets kind of hard on it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like a dessert. We're talking. Yeah. Oh, I like that. It is good. Well, you know, you've got to play with the aging of food. We watch Ugly Delicious. We get it. I jumble those words.

We watched Ugly Delicious. We get it. No, that is a fantastic pick. I'm super thrilled about that. Fuck, man. I can't believe I didn't even think of that. Fifth round, too. Fifth round pick? That's probably one of the better

fifth round picks ever. That your top rating. That is wild. That is wild. That's probably one of the better fifth round picks ever. Yeah. That was top flight, man. Give it up. Good job. Thank you. A second round of applause. Changing it to Trill Oakley now.

That's what's up. All right. David Borey, it's time for your final pick. My final pick, I'm picking a utility player. Sure. I think I had a'm picking a utility player. Sure. I think I had a lot of fancy boys on the field. I got a lot of wide receivers. You know what I'm talking about?

I love them, but they're divas. Just is what it is. You don't know what you're going to get. I'm picking for my final pick. I also can't believe it's on the board. I'm picking Taco Bell fire sauce. Oh, there you go. There you go.

Yeah. That's what we call playing with the fast food. Yeah, there we go. What else to say? You all have it in your homes right now. Next to some batteries and a hammer. You're all going to put it on a grilled cheese at four in the morning

when you think you're Emeril Lagasse making it. Come on. Bam. Solomon's like, why are you in the kitchen? I hit him like jello shots sometimes. Oh, yeah. Like those little...

You know when people do those, what is it? Cliff Bar Goo? That's my Cliff Bar Goo. Like if I'm fading on the bus, now I'm ready to go to that audition in Burbank. There was that, a bunch of people tweeted at us about the,

was it a person got trapped in their car for five days and lived off hot dog packets? Yeah. Life-saving. That's just us in the living room when there's other food around. Yeah, we don't have to be trapped in a car to only eat fire sauce.

Yeah, Taco Bell fire sauce, man. That's fantastic. That's a great pick. I like putting it on egg. It's just, it's like so good. You can put it when you're cooking stuff, and then you're like, look at me. I'm Emeril Lagasse.

That's the only one I got. Look at me. I was really, who was the Momofuku guy? That's who I wanted. David Chang. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And also, who's the guy, Nightmares? Gordon Ramsay. Can the Barofuku guy? That's who I wanted. David Chang. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And also, who's the guy Nightmares?

Gordon Ramsay. Can the bar rescue guy cook? John Taffer? Yeah. I don't think so. Okay. I mean, he can cook. He can cook every host.

Like, you let him get in your bar, let him cook, and you'll get a different bar, but like, he can't cook. I bet he hooks up like a steak at home. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. That guy can definitely cook a steak. Yeah, like while he smokes a cigar on his deck. Yeah.

Looking out at Lake Wo Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. That guy could definitely cook a steak. Looking out at Lake Wobegon. Cheering on a weird sports team like the Brewers or something. Like some weird curling team. Yeah. Shout out to John Taffer. Best in the biz. Shout out to John Taffer. Shout, shout, shout, shout.

Yeah, that's my last pick. Hell yeah. Fire sauce. Thanks guys. Chandra Dawson, time for shout, shout. Yeah, that's my last pick. Hell yeah, fire sauce. Thanks, guys. Chandra Dawson, time for your final pick. All right, I'm going to tie up this band of misfits with Arby's curly fries. Oh! I got him.

I got Bill. You got one, baby. Yeah, man, I really, I couldn't believe they made it this far. I didn't want to pick them right after McDonald's fries. Otherwise they would have been my first pick. But I feel like fries too close. I spelled Burger King wrong?

Yeah. How do I spell it? I spelled it with a B instead of an M. It says Burger Kind. Does it really? Yeah. Cool. Burger Kind.

That's what I call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Arby's Curly Fries. They're the best. No, they are great. And they don't ever get their due. No. Like they're No, they are great. They don't ever get their due. No.

Like, they're never in the fry conversation. I don't think that's fair. As far as I know, they invented curly fries, didn't they? Aren't those like the first ones? I mean, there might have been like some restaurant in Sheboygan that had their wacky. Jack in the Box had curly fries before Arby's, huh? I'm going to choose not to believe you. I feel like no one who's talking in this conversation knows the answer.

Nobody knows, no. People made bold claims, and then once there was any fucking, any further questioning, they folded under the prosecution. Folded like a lawn chair over there, I get it. Jack in the box, Adam first. Really? Oh, man, who knows anything? I don't know, man.

I drove here from Canada. I couldn't tell you. This day and age, you know, if you look into string theory, who knows if this is even the only dimension. So it's like, I don't know, man. I drove here from Canada. I couldn't tell you. This day and age, you know, if you look into string theory, who knows if this is even the only dimension. So it's like, I don't know. In one of them, Jack in the Box probably was first. So yes, to answer your question, yes.

And I mean, the universe is always expanding. And even when there's nothing, if there's no stars, there's still got to be something. That's what's up. You can't be 300 destroyed. When's the universe stop? Because even if it stops,

there's still something. Yeah, I don't know. Mary Poppins is eternal. And I said, what about Breakfast at Tiffany's? Yeah, absolutely. So it's like... I almost had to do first grade twice. So there's still something. Yeah, I don't know. Mary Poppins is a turtle. And I said, what about Breakfast at Tiffany's? Yeah, absolutely. So it's like... I almost had to do first grade twice. You know what I mean?

Eat shit. Eat shit. Live, die, become a tree. So it's like a jack-in-the-box. That's what's up. I saw a black bear once when I did a red clay comedy festival one time. Absolutely. Sure.

Yeah. No big deal. Curly fries at Arby's. They were the first ones that I ever encountered. First curly fries I ever saw. They are really good. They got that little crunch to them, too. Ooh, I love that.

You ever dip them in the horsey sauce? Do I dip them in the horsey sauce? Does he dip them in the horsey sauce? I almost get kicked out for doing that if they do it so much. You know what I love about those curly fries? Sometimes you'll get that tight pigtail spiral. Ooh, I love that one. The crunchy crunch.

Dude, it's just like you just pick it in. You're like, damn, that's covered in Arby's sauce. It sucks it in like a little funnel. You know what's nice about those? It sticks to the ridges. Surface area, bro. Surface area, dog. That's what's up.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm super in on it. Arby's curly fries. Yeah. Time for my final pick. Close this bitch out. There's so many good ones. There are. There's so many good ones. There are.

There's so many good ones. We're going to be leaving some fucking heavy hitters on the board. But I got to take... No, Blizzard, mashed potatoes, they're all gone.

What are you, asshole? You just took a vessel for sauce. I have to take my favorite vessel for sauce. I'm taking the McDonald's chicken nuggets. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.

Can I tell you lately I've been doing the chicken select strips? Oh, the strips? And that's kind of, I think I did. If the Uber stops by the money tree on the way to McDonald's, I'd be sure to get that. You have a real job. I know, I do. I know, I do. I'll pay extra for the sauces.

I'll lay out an array of sauces. Like I'm fucking Bob Ross, dude. I got a palette of sauces. And I'm just like, all alright, let's just make a happy me right here, and then I pop it. And then another had, there's no mistakes, except what you're doing right now and how you'll feel later.

I gotta be honest, when I saw the pink slime, I was like, cool, great. What do I give a fuck? I didn't think they had chickens in the back. You know what I mean? If that's what it tastes like. With some butcher with a mustache like mine being like, time to go, Coco,

and then breaks his neck and then makes chicken. I assumed it was slime. Everyone's like, oh, it's so bad for you. I never ate a Chicken McDugget. Like, damn, this must be great for me.

I thought it was pretty bad for me the whole time. I feel stronger now. If I got to pick the sauces, if I got to pick like- Descending order. Let's say I only get two of them, right? I like that honey. I like that honey sauce. Yeah, that honey mustard. I like that barbecue, and then you know I'm to pick like... Descending order. Let's say I only get two of them, right? I like that honey.

I like that honey sauce. Yeah, that honey mustard. I like that barbecue and then you know I'm doing ranch. Those are my top three, I think. Right.

Sweet and sour works in there. I've been fucking with that buffalo shit they got over there. Oh yeah, the buffalo's good too. Sweet and sour and buffalo. Their sweet and sour though for me has always been like my favorite McDonald's.

Yeah. Yeah. Trill Oakley, what's your favorite dip and sauce? Probably the sweet and sour. Yeah. I think so. But they have like 13 sauces now.

Do they? They got a lot of weird ones you didn't know about. What do they got? You tell me. I'm going to the streets on it. Limited edition Szechuan that they brought back. For Richard and Mortimer. Sure, I remember that.

For what? It was selling for like hundreds of dollars a thing or whatever. Like people would show up and like they were fucking selling sneakers or something. Well, that's dumb. Wow. People take pictures of chicken nuggets and put them on Instagram with all the many sauces.

And there was like 13 different colors of sauces. Oh my God. And so I never get anything but the sweet and sour, but I was thinking that perhaps you might have tried some of the other. I still keep a tight circle. Okay, here we go. Okay, so sweet and sour, honey mustard, chipotle barbecue, tangy barbecue, spicy buffalo, sweet chili, hot mustard.

Stop giving everyone your nicknames and name the sauces. Honey mustard over here. Yeah. Honey mustard. Those could all be dope nicknames. Tell me they're all coming to a party.

I'm like, well, I'm going to the party. Who's going to be it? Not me. Me and hot mustard got beef. You got a cold war

with hot mustard We have fun up here We do Great so that's my final pick The final pick of the draft Just to recap Bill you went first You took McDonald's fries

The Arby's roast beef and cheddar The Popeyes boneless wings The Starbucks holiday turkey and stuffing panini, and you wrapped it up, goddammit, with a Panda Express orange chicken. Man. That was great. That's a draft.

David Borey, David Borey, you won second. You took a ball pit. Damn proud of it. Damn proud of it. You took a ball pit. Damn proud of it. Damn proud of it. You took a ball pit. Ball pits and then the BK Big Fish, the hot apple pie, Tim Horton's Tim Bits from Super Producer

Marissa, and then the Taco Bell fire sauce. If I ordered that all in one day, that's like the, she's not bringing the kids back to it. That's a death wish. You can only eat all those things

at the same time in a studio apartment. Yeah. That's the only way you can. And then you have to use the wrappers for furniture afterwards. That shit summons a two-headed goat with diabetes

if you eat all of them. Sean, you went third. You took the Dairy Queen Blizzard, the Jack in the Box two tacos for 99 cents. Damn. Zach Toscani, on your behalf, drafted the Wendy's Frosty. Hell yeah.

And then you came back and you fucked around. You took out your telescope and you gazed upon all of the works of all of the fast food restaurants that remain. And you spotted something

on the horizon. What is that? It was the Kentucky Fried Chicken Mashed Potatoes. Yuck. And then, having not had your fill of potato, you also,

you also didn't say gravy. No, he said gravy. Did he say gravy? He said gravy. Oh, I may have. And then, having not had your fill of potatoes, you took the Arby's Curly Fries.

Damn, Skippy. Give it up for Sean Jordan. That's his favorite. I was like, no, no. I went last, and I took the Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme. You. The Burger King Whopper with cheese. Yuck.

St. Sue Carmel came up here and knocked it out of the park with a hot dog Costco. Sorry, I meant to say a Costco hot dog. A hot dog Costco is a different thing. But a thing I would like to visit. Both million dollar ideas. Yeah, dude, Richard Branson bought a Costco. It's a hot dog Costco, dude.

It's a hot dog Costco. And then I took the Chick-fil-A. I had a fourth pick. And then with my fifth pick, I took the McDonald's chicken nuggets. To wrap it all up. We left some amazing stuff on the board. It deserves just a quick mention.

The quesadilla from Taco Bell. The whole Taco Bell menu. Oh, the whole menu. McDonald's birthday parties. Sausage McMuffins. What else is on that fucking list, by the way? Read that whole list. Let's hear that whole thing.

This just says toys. Toys? I'm the bad boy of AFV. What else? There's like five other things on there. And free refills. I'm not going to go off of it. Yo. I free refills. I'm not going to go on with it. Yo.

I got caught once. I got caught at the Taco Bell on 185th and something. Whatever that taco, the farther out one. And Walker, and we went there, and we used to be all very cheeky. I got a cup for water, right? Oh, yeah. And we would go up, and I would get

Sprite, because I'm like, ah, clear liquid. Well, Sierra Mist. None the wiser. Yeah, Sierra Mist. Sorry, sorry. And I got it, and one of get Sprite because I'm like, ah, clear liquid. Well, Sierra Mist. None the wiser. Yeah, Sierra Mist. Sorry, sorry. And I got it and one of the employees who was like a middle-aged man came out and he was so disappointed. He was like, what's in that cup? And I was like...

You know what it is, Gramps? I'm trying to party. Yeah. It's Sierra Mist. And he was like, if you couldn't have afforded it, you should have just told me and I would have given it to you. And then he walked away.

That's not how shit works. That's not how shit works in the streets. That's bullshit. Later on, a couple years later, retaliation, the thing I'm most ashamed of. You killed that guy. I did the thing I'm the most ashamed of in my entire life and I'll only say it now

in front of a couple hundred people and everyone who listens. of life, and I'll only say it now in front of a couple hundred people and everyone who listens. I... I... When they introduced the Mountain Dew Code Red, I ordered a...

I want to talk about it. I should have known because I ordered one large Mountain Dew Code Red and nothing else. Oh, shit. And they gave it to me, and I paid for it, and it was some kid like my age working there, and he handed it to me, and I was like, Code Red!

And I threw it back at him. Yeah, I know. Blood on the leaves. I'm not the hero of this story. But in a vacuum, it was kind of funny. Right? Like, for a second. For a second.

Like. There was like a split second where I was like... I get the joke. Right? I was like, Carmel, you fucking genius. And then as soon as I turned on the 185th, I was like, who the fuck do you think you are? What the fuck did you just do? Why would you ever do that?

You gotta go home and talk to your sweet mom after doing that. Yeah, I know! Sue Carmel! She made me just hearing about this. That was a whole era where I was hucking drinks at different things. I get it. I saw Paul Wall do it in a video once, and I did it a few times. I fucking, I Kareem Abdul-Jabbar skyhooked

a Slurpee out of the passenger seat of a car into an open Jeep once. Man, I was like, they deserved it. That is so funny. They're dropping around in their Jeep. I fucking hit it too, dude. Just like, thinking you can't get orange frozen Fanta in this bitch?

Good luck. Ha, I drank half of it anyway. I was done. That's all you really need on a slurpee. Shout out to the Boston Market Cream Spinach. That's another good one. I see a grip of picks on there. Like, there's like 30 on there.

What do we leave off? Oh, for my list? Yeah, yeah. Like, what are some deep cuts on there? How much what do we leave off oh for my list yeah yeah like what Jesus Christ how much time you got we got like 5 minutes yeah okay

the plain regular old McDonald's cheeseburger yeah Five Guys cheeseburger the Big Mac the Burgerville Walla Walla

onion rings yeah can't go wrong the Double Double from In-N-Out yes the Wendy's cookies the Sonic Chili Cheese Tots.

The Sonic Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster. Damn. The Steakburger from Freddy's. The Shaq Burger from Shake Shack. Damn. The Carl's Jr. Southwest Chicken Sandwich. The Sliders from White Castle. The Double Del Cheeseburger from Del Taco.

The Wendy's Sauce and Bacon Cheeseburger. The Queso from Qdoba. And the Meatball Sub from Subway. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah. The Se the meatball sub from Subway. Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah. The seafood and crab from Subway, but only in the 90s.

Do you remember when they had that long chicken sandwich at Burger King? It was the long one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was always my favorite. I used to put bacon on it. They still have those?

Yeah, original chicken sandwich. We'll see y'all at Burger King after this. Wait, can I also, just one time, I'm going to record it. Can I give a shout out to Sammy Jo? Thanks so much for coming to see us. Oh, yeah. In Cincinnati.

Oh, yeah. I really appreciate you and your brother. That was so nice. Thank you, Sammy Jo from the live AFV. We really appreciate it. Let's put it up. Put it up on the gram. Here we go. Give us a quick cheer. Live AFV. We really appreciate it. Let's put it up. Put it up on the gram. Here we go. Give us a quick cheer.

Seriously, you guys are the shit. This has always been, like, this is one of the first venues that we got to come to, like, at the Bridgetown Festival and stuff, and we were never, like, the reason that anybody was here, and to be sitting up here, I'm getting goosebumps, to be sitting up here and just to have you guys out there, seriously, it's nothing short of

absolutely amazing and we couldn't be more thrilled about it. Seriously, we're going to be back there chilling but from the, I mean, we're not, maybe we're not done talking, but from the bottom of our hearts, seriously, seriously, thank you. This is amazing. Absolutely amazing.

And the reason is you! And the reason is you. And the reason is you. Switch foot, bro. Hell yeah. I didn't see it coming. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for attending. Fucking make sure you send us

your pics on Twitter at allfantasypod. Send us emails, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFEmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on Twitter,

on Instagram. Keep sending us your shit. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. There she goes. Shout out to Kilt Gaggler from Lone Sylvania.

Shout out to Trailblazin. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Damon Stoudemire. Shout out to Haji Beats.

Shout out to Rasheed Wallace. Shout out to S Ocean. Shout out to Damon Stoudemire. Shout out to Haji Beetz. Shout out to Rasheed Wallace. Shout out to... Rasheed! Yeah. Fucking shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Kevin Duckworth. May he rest in peace. Shout out to Clyde Drexler.

More important than all of that. Shout out to B-Roy for real. More important than all of that. Tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. This is so good! That was a hate gun podcast.