All Fantasy Everything - Fictional Characters We Wanna Kiss (w/ Amy Miller, Shain Brenden, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

They may be fake, but our feelings aren't. We draft Fictional Characters We Wanna Kiss. Guests:    Amy Miller @amymiller IG: @amymillercomedy Website: amymillercomedy.com Shain Brenden @Shainbrenden IG: @shainbrenden Podcast: ASSVILLE Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.  Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting fictional characters we'd like to kiss. Today, we're joined by two wonderful guests. The first is comedian, writer, and host of the podcast, Asphil. It's the very funny Shane Brendan. And also returning with us is comedian and and host of the podcast, Assville. It's the very funny Shane Brendan.

And also returning with us is comedian and dear friend of the podcast, Amy Miller. Her new hilarious comedy special and album can be streamed over at amymillercomedy.com. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And with me, as always, is my friend and recent vasectomy recipient, Sean Jordan. Let's get started. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that for the second day in a row is recording at 9 in the morning. We don't really understand why.

It's just a decision we made and we're sticking with it. I like it, man. I'm in. I have mixed feelings so far, but I'm pumped. Coffee's getting in there. Whatever works for you guys. It feels like a weird fever dream. Yeah, that's the thing. We'll be done at like 11.30 at the latest.

Well, one at the latest. We'll be done at like 11.30. It will seem like it didn't happen. The banter is hot. You know what I mean? We got the burner on. The popcorn kernels are popping. Shane looks like he recently went to bed.

Yeah, I definitely just woke up, dude. Shane's got the whole pot of coffee going. That's so smart. Yeah, I got shit happening over here, dude. I'm going to need a three-minute break in about 25 minutes. I know we've talked about it before, but at Head at head gum they had a cold brew on tap thing yeah we'd go in not at nine but it felt like nine you know it like it all feels the same it was noon whatever but it yeah like nine your head's floating you had to get there and you just

go get the fucking the cold brew on tap thinking that you needed like pints of it and uh sometimes we do two in a day and it would just be no we didn't it was fun but yeah that that fever dream head floating above your body feeling was real it was fun one thing i've discovered about myself is i can't your hand doesn't shake my hand doesn't shake i can't be allowed near uh like unlimited reserves of anything ah yeah right yeah yeah cold brew i'm a creature of excess myself. Alcohol, I just can't be allowed near it. I can't operate in that space. I need limits, you know?

It is interesting when somebody doesn't limit you and you're like, somebody step in and do it. I've had, like at bars sometimes, they're like, you know, when's closing time? And they'll just be like, I don't know, whenever. And you're like, mm-mm, mm-mm. Oh, when you're that person that they're like, you're good, we're cleaning up, but you can stay. Get me out of here. And you're like, I don't know, whatever. And you're like, mm-mm, mm-mm. Oh, when you're that person that they're like, you're good. We're cleaning up.

But you could stay. Get me out of here. And you're like, please don't tell me that. Well, that's the reason why I logged in a little late this morning. Because at Fixin' 2 here in beautiful St. John's, I have earned the right to be one of those guys where you're shutting it down. It's not right. I've earned it. i've earned it i've

earned it i love that i love that so much now when it's when they shut down last call they're like shane you're good you're good i just sit at the end of the bar man i'm gonna call saint john's pd at 2 35 a.m yeah well you really want some action call my wife she'll take care of some shit yeah man put on hard for saint john's right now talking about saint john you're wearing a saint Yeah, man. Put on hard for St. John's right now. Talking about St. John's. You're wearing a St. John's hoodie? Well, I got it from my local Ace Hardware.

They sell St. John's hoodies. I know that Ace Hardware. And they sell Roosevelt High School paraphernalia. I think it's weird if I would have bought a Roosevelt High School shirt, seeing as that I didn't go and I don't have a child currently at Roosevelt. Why don't you become a Roosevelt High School super fan and wear the gear, wear high shorts, go to the games. I already got you beat.

Bro, before COVID, I was tailgating the football games. I'd get fucked up at the perch and go sit and watch Roosevelt High School basketball. Oh, so you've already been doing this. I'm already there. Everything we just said. We were just kidding. We had this dude who would move around town.

This dude that would do that. His name's Weaver. I don't know, 20 years ago, his name was Weaver. I don't know if he's still alive even. He was like a super fan who was fully grown up, who would just go to the games, and he knew all the stats, and he would always come to the grocery store that I worked at and talk about the games.

I think when you're a kid, you assume that that guy went to that high school, so it's not weird. So just don't tell anybody. You're not even from there. I've already put it out there. I watch the baseball team practice and I'll just stand up there and put my hands up on the gate and just like, come on, 12. Come on, 12.

Let's turn two. Easy out. Easy out. out sticking your butt out all far i think the dream is that one of them one of you guys imagine if one kid made it though to any sort of professional league and then you just you're losing your mind you know all of a sudden you're a fucking memphis fan again for some reason and you're like that's my boy from roosevelt high he briefly says hi to you as he walked from the team bus to the arena hell yeah i don't think we got anywhere close in sioux fall i'm trying to think if anybody even kind of in the terry yeah but no he he didn't go to high school in sioux Falls. January Jones.

Yeah. January Popper? But she's not in the NFL or the NBA or anything. Not yet, bro. Somebody from Sioux Falls must be a professional athlete. Who am I thinking of? Mike Miller is from Mitchell, which is close. But I don't, maybe. But I don't know.

We had one girl in our high school that went to Harvard. That was like the thing. Wow. And something. I don't fucking know. I feel like you should know, bro. You should know. Somebody and something.

I don't know. There's a guy named Trey Pipkins who plays for the LA Chargers. From Sioux Falls. From like Sioux Falls proper. And Ann was like shockingly easy to get the best grades in my class. Ann just went to class every day and got into Harvard, dude. So last night, this came up. Because Laura, in our high school, this is crazy.

But we had, in our yearbook, I don't know how long, but we had best body and best lips. Whoa. Right? What? Yeah, we had best body and best lips. Whoa. Right? What? Yeah, we had best body and best lips. Best lips? Best lips. And so Laura said that she got voted most likely to succeed and best couple or something at prom.

Oh, you want to kill that guy or what? Yeah, Nate. No, I can't say. But I got. It was was close it reminded me he can't he can't implicate himself in an ongoing investigation i certainly don't want to talk to more cops so the one year one year i got an academic achievement award and i know i've told you in this but they in the in my home room they were like hey you got an academic achievement award and i was like there there can't be true there's no way and so we go to this pep rally because all day i was like i was a natural helper but i was like there's no way that this i was excited to see what happened

so then they did call me up at the pep rally and i got the most improved senior award which meant that i was the worst my junior year was so easy and i was so shitty at my senior year or vice versa that it was like yeah it was the most improved My junior year was so easy and I was so shitty at my senior year or vice versa that it was like, yeah, I was the most improved and they only did that award

one time because right when I walked up, they're like, oh, what a bad idea this was. You can see it on everyone's faces. They're like,

mm-mm. They're like, he's drunk. Right now. We're just calling this, we're saying this kid's a loser. This kid is a loser. That's what it was.

My junior year was so hard and my senior year was so easy that it's like... Hold up. Who got best lips, though? Because it's also on topic for the draft today. We got a... I can't... It's in my yearbook. I can't remember.

We had best... I remember that we had best body and best lips, which thinking back, it's like they can't still do shit like that. Who got best body? I don't know. There's a picture of it. You know. Not the body.

There's not a lot of lips in South Dakota either. That's true. Yeah. Everybody's got lips. A lot of thin lips in South Dakota, baby. I'm allowed to say this, Sean. There was one thing. There was one thing.

The winds. One thing. One thing was off limits. One thing I said, don't talk shit about South Dakota lips. One thing I said. It's back on the menu, boys. Oh, boy. They don't do that anymore, do they?

Like best. Senior superlatives. Smile and shit like that. I bet they do senior superlatives. They could do best couple or whatever. Class clown, funniest. That one was always a fucking lie too. Yeah, it was.

I'm like, he just throws shit in class. He's actually a bully, technically. He's a bully. It was a bully with undiagnosed attention deficit disorder. That's who always got funniest person in class. And we're laughing because if you don't, you might be the next target for the fucking spitball. Yeah.

He's eating a stick of butter. Yeah. I hope that biggest class clown keeps you warm at that fucking cricket wireless kiosk. Nothing wrong with working at the cricket wireless kiosk. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with that. the cricket wireless nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with that yeah put some prepaids on your jitterbug you gotta make a call i will say that i i went i went back and i never i missed my 20-year high school reunion because that's how fucking old i am but

uh the last time i was back home in shelby, Tennessee, I was with some friends of mine. And we went to a gentleman's club, if you will. Now, what do you say? Somewhere to play croquet and to have a club sandwich? What are you talking about? A lot of that. Read poetry. Yeah.

Read poetry. Yeah. It's a lot of leather-bound books. Say please and thank you and open the door gentlemen to wear somewhere to wear boater hats indoors of course and we understand absolutely and there was there were two two uh young ladies that were working there that i had the hardest crush on all throughout high school. That wouldn't give me the time of day at all. At all.

One of them made fun of me because I remember in my freshman year, I was talking to her. She looked down at my shoes. She's like, ugh, why your shoes ashy? And just roasted me and walked away. And I walked in, and I recognized them, and I was just trying to play it cool. But then one of them recognized me and me.

She's like, oh, my God, Shane, how you doing? It's so nice to see you. It's been so long. And she's just standing there, you know, like, you know, collecting her money and, like, talking to me. And I was thinking to myself, like, man, like, you could have had all this. You could have had all this. Like, you're counting ones right now. I got number 20s right now.

That's right. You know what I'm saying? They could be coming to get you from the fix you could be coming to get me bro after they get off their shift she probably made a lot of money she was probably doing okay i'm guessing i mean no i mean no i'm saying you could you could be living in north memphis or you could be living in north portland you know this is what you chose all right she could be getting home from her shift at a gentleman's club thinking, surely Shane's home by now. But you're still not home yet. That could be her life.

You missed out. I bet you all of her friends have furniture right now. She's probably doing alright. You could be waking up and looking at your ring app on your phone and seeing Shane stumble up to the front door in a grainy black and white video, putting every key except the right key in the door. That could be your life. I want to know how quiet I actually am when I think I'm being like stealth.

Not bro. I really want to know where I'm. Because I'm not. Sometimes I'll wake up and be like, I'm going to make a turkey sandwich now, like I did last night. I want to see how loud it is. I think it sounds like there's an actual intruder. Who's really bad at his job. Sounds like a smashing crab.

Wrapped tinfoil around their feet and they're just walking around on chips. I think it sounds like the Kool-Aid man just got home. And he's been sipping Kool-Aid. He's had some juice. I come into our guest room and I turn on entourage I'm like alright I'll put it quiet I don't want to know how quiet it is

you're just in the kitchen cutting a block of cheese with the wrong knife it's a fork this will be quieter I think I did that a couple nights when I was Amy when I was staying at your place when you let me have your place for the week when I was, Amy, when I was staying at your place, when you let me have your place for the week when I was there. Yeah, fuck Greg.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Greg, if you're listening, get fucked. Get fucked, you dipshit. I don't think my neighbor Greg is a listener, but yeah. I hope he does. Boy, it'd be funny if he was. We'd love to get him in.

I came stopping in that house a couple nights. Amy, how's your cat that you made me take care of? Me? How's beefeps, Amy? Made you take care of while you had a lovely home in Los Angeles. It's a privilege to hang out with Meeps, by the way. Meeps is the shit. Meeps is awesome.

I know. I told you people love her, Shane. I love Meeps. And she loves male comedians. Yeah. We're different that way. She got all up in my region while I was sleeping, yeah. I woke up so many times to her in just the hottest parts of my crawl.

Yeah, she likes to be the little spoon. That's sweet. I like that you guys cuddled. Shout out to Meeps, man. It's a terrifying spoon situation, though, because if you move the wrong way, you're getting sliced. Yeah. Yeah, she'll get it done. This is a big pro Meeps podcast oh yeah big time one of the main ones she just turned 14 years old she's really she's a dirty old bird i was uh i was i got out

of the shower and i was brushing my teeth in the nude and she was in the living room sitting on like the little ottoman just staring at me yeah i was like, take it in, meeps. She's waiting for some fresh water to drip off your dick and she'll get right under there. She loves fresh water. Those words in a row really got me.

That was fun. That guy who those words in a row got is me. So that was fun. That guy who those words in a row got is Sean Jordan. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean Dre Dawson on the baseball diamond. Playboy. Stealing bases. What do you got coming up?

Anything? Anything we're talking about? Don't you and Shane Brennan have a show that's already sold out? Yeah. Make him sad. Make him sad about it. We'll have July and August, and we're working on it. But yeah, the June's already sold out.

Yeah. That's what you get. You know, not so much there. We'll talk about the show to sort of create a greater awareness of it. Yeah. Plug. Plug it. I was going to.

Come on, Sean. We are bringing Fata to Portland officially. It's not going to be moving around at satellite locations anymore. We've found a home, Migration Brewing on North Williams. They're being fantastic. I'm excited to work with them. Everything we say about the show, just the aesthetic and the ambiance. We want to run a really good show, and they're all on board.

It's sick. Thrilled about it. So we have the June 30th date. It's all sold out. We'll have the last Thursday in July and August. We already have on the books. Headliners to be announced, but tickets will go on sale,

I don't know, relatively soon. And yeah, it's affordable. You know, it's only 10 bucks. We want to have a good show that people want to go to. And that's it. It's just dope. It's like the show that we used to run in town.

So I'm excited to do it yeah comedy over everything funny over funny over everything funny over everything yeah it's been a long time i got bad i got bad brain fog so now i dude i feel clear and i honestly maybe think that i had a little long covet i think yeah i think i do for sure yeah i i wasn't sold on it but i'm i don't know that this shows we did in seattle it's i know it's rough it's probably tough but i didn't have any fog at all and it was the first time since covet that i felt completely clear doing stand-up i don't know what the deal is because it hasn't happened anywhere else in life except for stand-up but maybe it's just because you're concentrating so hard and that's when you're like the most focused

and you notice fog yeah but i i might there might be something to that i don't know i'm kind of when it comes to like sickness i don't believe in the flu so you know i got fucking brain damage from it dude it sucks yeah it'll get better what's wrong with you ian what's wrong what are you what's going on i have bad brain i have bad brain fog and then also just crazy brain stuff if i if i go too hard at all like if i like if i go out after a work day yeah like i just get weird tingly brain stuff and like it's it's crazy it's a it's a real crazy thing i got my my lady parts all jacked up not the internal ones yeah wait what my cycle's way off but that's very common too but that's the last thing they're going to investigate or care about you know what i mean fortunately it is deal with it if one man if one man forgets a joke they will dive into that i I got Johns Hopkins on it.

I'm taking pregnancy tests after not even having sex. Maybe. We're like, well, let's see, Jesus. I'm two months late, so it could be menopause. But yeah, probably COVID. Yep. You want to hear something? You want to hear something, Amy?

Let me tell you this please and i told ian when we were in seattle shane you might be hearing this for the first time i think that i am one of i'm in the top one percent of unpaid drivers on the whole planet oh here we go what i think that i am one of the best one percent drivers on the whole planet who's never been paid to do it oh i feel that way about myself what do you what the fuck well you can't both be what are the odds i'm not legally blind so let's put that out there i have contacts in my eyes there we go i feel like that no you are a good driver though you are a good driver thank you yeah it's always like those comedians that if you've ever been on the road with like

you feel fine switching or like there's no worry about it. Because some friends, when they're in the driver's seat, you're like, I actually can't sleep. So I stare at him sometimes. I just keep checking in like, hey, huh? What about the Beatles? Sean Jordan made that claim in Seattle and then proceeded to not drive like the top one. I did too. Ian was picking me apart.

No way. I would never have picked you apart if you didn't make that claim. And then I was like, all right. What about when I parallel parked? It was fine. It was perfect. It was fine. Did you do it in one shot?

One shot? No, it was one shot, but it was not a three point. It wasn't clean. Doesn't sound like 1% to me, bro. You can get rusty on city driving, though. You know what I mean? No, it was one shot, but it was not a three point. It wasn't like it wasn't like it wasn't clean. Doesn't sound like one percent to me, bro. You can get rusty on city driving, though. You know what I mean? So I think I probably have bested you at this point because I stay I stay vigilant.

Well, I love you both. I hate to burst your one percent driving bubble, but raise your hand if you took a military instructed. Here we go. Driving course. OK. I mean, were you doing that when you were late

or when were you doing that? Yeah, I did it right before I logged in. That's why I was about 10 minutes late. At the parallel park. Anyway, I got nothing coming up. I just wanted to talk about that

with my friends because it's fun to joke around. I'm glad you brought it up. I'm glad you brought it up. It's an insane claim and I love you. I said something else last night that is equally as ridiculous and I cannot remember what it was it's about your

it was another one of those things so low for being a good driver it's like that's getting good grades in south dakota you know what i mean like yeah well i was the most improved senior getting into harvard if you went to high school in south dakota it's and something somebody who went to high school with me listened to this. I know you do. Hathaway. No, it was not Ann Hathaway. It was Ann...

I don't know. Anyway, shout-outs to Ann. We're not going to know, but shout-out to Ann. She went to Harvard from Sioux Falls. Wow. What if I had driven a tank? I feel like you guys would believe me if I sold it hard enough. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, if you'd driven a tank. You don't know. I'll buy that i drove a tank i did i did now you're still telling you i did i was really good at it you just went from the what if i said that right into actually i did is it like a three on the tree Is it like a four on the floor? Is it automatic? How's the tank go? She's talking about the R&B singer Tank. She drove Tank.

At this point, I've had a Prius C for so long that if I drove a regular sedan, I would feel like I was sitting up real high. I can see the whole road from up here. That person who can see the whole road from up here. That person who can see the whole road from up there is Amy Miller, at Amy Miller on Twitter, at Amy Miller Comedy on Instagram.

California King available now. Yes. From Blonde Medicine Records. Get it. Everybody go get it. Go to amymillercomedy.com is the website. Where can people come see you do stand-up comedy soon? Oh, well, I don't know when this comes out. Soon? get it everybody everybody go get it go to amymillercomedy.com is the website where where can people come see you do stand-up comedy oh well i don't know when this comes out soon that

next thursday okay well then thus coming tonight uh if you live in indianapolis you can come see me at helium um and i got dates coming up in austin Cap City. I'll be in Denver. I don't need to plug that one. If you're going to be at the ball arena seeing Tom Seger, I'll be there. He doesn't need me to promote it, is my guess. In a sports stadium. Yeah. But yeah, check out the album.

You can't really stream it anymore because of what happened mine either i just noticed it it's frustrating all the indie comedy off of um spotify and pandora all together why they do that oh they're in some litigation over royalties because you know no one wants to pay us for our jokes um and there's like a whole court case trying to figure out if it's are they like songs i don't know i think so um and so you you can get it in apple music still and i don't know just buy it band camp you can pay what you want every friday so i have it on vinyl yeah and the specials up on youtube for free so it's all very easy to find. You're also going to be at the, I'm looking at your website here, the Maha Festival. Oh, yeah.

In Omaha. Yeah, I think it's. And Pickathon. Yes, Pickathon. Once again, Shane's taking over the comedy tent. I'm the Amy now. We're passing the baton this year. Yeah.

And Kanane's going to be there, too. That's going to be crazy. I imagine I'll try to get in there, too. Oh, yeah. We got passes for you. Of course. It seems fun. Come on through. I imagine I'll try to get in there, too. Oh, yeah. We got passes for you. Of course. It seems fun. Come on through.

I love Picathon. Nampay, badge for you. If you get any chairs in your home. It's an incentive for him. If you get a couch by Picathon, you can come. Throwing them right under that tank Shane Brandon is here now that's Shane with an I

I just want everyone to know that's S-H-A-I-N thank you sir thank you so much thank you Shane Brandon on Twitter Shane Brandon on Instagram yes sir Shane fucking president of Cannaful right here on All Fantasy Everything Brandon on Twitter. Shane Brendan on Instagram. Yes, sir. Shane fucking president

accountable right here on All Fantasy Everything, the podcast. Where can people come see you do stand-up comedy now? It's not a fade in Portland on June. Yeah. Because that's sold out. It's sold out June 30th with Sean Jordan at Migration on Williams. It's sold out. I bought the tickets and I'm reselling them

on Stubbub. For triple. She's pulling a 50 cent show rule situation. Nobody's going to be at the show. In her tank in the parking lot just heckling me. I would love that. Do tanks have horns?

No. You can get them. What do you mean you can get them? What are you talking about? I wasn't looking for you to answer the question. You can get a. What do you mean you can get them? What are you talking about? I wasn't looking for you to answer the question. You can get a horn on anything. You can go to AutoZone. This is like some aftermarket type shit. You're going to put spinners on your tank too, Sean?

No. You can if you want to. You can put spree walls on a tank. You can put spree walls on a tank. Yeah. You can get some new shit. You can put Pirellis on a tank if you want. Little treaded Pirellis.

Oh, yeah. Why don't they have horns? Because you're trying to be quiet? You can get some new shoes. You can put Pirellis on a tank if you want. Little treaded Pirellis. Oh, yeah. Why don't they have horns? Because you're trying to be quiet? You can get them. No. If you're trying to be quiet, you shouldn't be driving a tank. You shouldn't be coming home from the bar at 2.30 if you're trying to be quiet, John. Just talking to myself like, I want a turkey sandwich.

Cutting a block of Tillamook medium cheddar with a fucking butter knife. Betty, where's the turkey? I guess you don't need a horn because it's so big. I guess they know a tank's coming. People know there's a tank coming. The tank's coming.

That's what Shane says when he's about to enter his life. The tank's coming. Here comes the tank, babe.'s what shane says when he's about to enter his life she's like okay she's okay she's like there's no way she said why are you holding a block of tiller mccheese what are you doing the tank's coming baby i'm just like an apple the fixin two walking up being like hey the tank uh it is four so now you're not even good anymore and you're like the tank's going home anyway. Tank would never go to an establishment that would have me in the first place. Hey, the tank, you got to get out of here, bud.

Well, the tank got blackout drunk one night, leaving fixing to, and the next morning I woke up, looked in my freezer, and I bought some White Castle from 7-Eleven on the walk home. The little frozen ones. Yeah. Sober tank. Never would have done that. Drunk tank. All day.

All day. And a cheeseburger Big Bite. Found that in the trash can the next morning. It's not cool to wake up and see what you did. From 7-Eleven? Yeah. I will buy the 7-Eleven roller stuff any time of any day. Sober?

Any time of any day. Sober? Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. The spicy yes. I love it. Spicy chicken? Spicy chicken roller? Cream cheese, tornado, taquito, anything you got on there.

What is it the jalapeno cream cheese one is like? That's fine dining. I used to, when Amy lived by the 7-Eleven, I used to eat meals. I would go get my meals at that 7-Eleven and get like seven of those. I miss that 7-Eleven. I found meeps inside there once. I would go get my meals at that 7-Eleven and get like seven of those. I missed that 7-Eleven. Yeah.

I found meeps inside there once. Swear to God. She just said, mind your business, and then walked out with a half rack of Coors Light. What are you doing here, meeps? Shane, I could tell you got fucked up in LA because just like Sean Jordan, my house was cleaner than when I left it. And that's how you know some shit went down.

Not a sign that anyone was here. She doesn't need to know what went down in this house, dude. Organized. Everything needs to be. Nothing broke. Nobody broke any glasses. A story would leave a trail and I would have some

clues as to what happened. What happened was Domino's. When David commits a crime, the detectives are excited. They're like, oh, David did it. Let's take the rest of the day off. David was here. I didn't want you to know the type of filth that was going on in your house.

Thank you. Turn on a black light. You're not going to see shit in there. I hope not. He set off a bleach bomb like it was Den of Thieves. I was talking about food wrappers. I don't know you were jizzing on my furniture. Well, you know, thank you for your hospitality. I appreciate it.

Your blankets are very soft, dude. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter. Do you have any other shows to promote, Shane? No. Better not. At Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on G. Shane has no other shows to promote. No.

I also have no shows to promote. I will be in, I'll be heading off to, I'll be shipping up to Boston shortly. I'll be flying out to London, England. Not really shipping up to Boston. And they're going to be feeling so sad by the time you get there. In England? In Boston. In Boston. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Talk of shit. There it is.

Were you in the Bay for game four? Sort of. While I was in wine country, I don't really count it. Not the Bay. That's not far from the Bay. I just saw, I was watching the Dodgers play the Giants last night, and I saw that they were doing an E40 bobblehead night at Giants Stadium.

Oh, my God. Yeah. What? Which I'd love to get my hands on one of those. E40, man. He did it. He did it exactly how it would be the best way to be done. I'm sure he's doing just fine financially.

Oh, yeah. He's doing real good. Just as notable as he wants to be. Like, E-40 could go to Safeway in Portland. It's fine. He might get recognized, but it's like he's not going to get mobbed. He owns several Wingstops in the Bay Area.

Wingstop. He has a wine company. He doesn't even talk about the Wingstops. That's how I know he's in a lot of different businesses. Yeah, I didn't know he had Wingstops. That's under the radar. Is Slurricane still out there or is that gone

yeah you can still buy all the products but now he has tequila that's how you get there that was the best part of the versus did you guys watch the E42 short no I didn't see that one everyone was pushing their liquor hell yeah

and so then they were all just mixing liquors. Like literally I watched 44 like tequila and whiskey into the same cup. And I was like, that's not going to go very good because you're a really fast rapper. And then all of a sudden he couldn't rap anymore. They just played the track and he was He's just holding the cup like uh-huh. He would do parts of it. Remember when I did this?

They were so drunk. It was amazing. I'm like, you're old. You can't mix I can't mix liquors. You can't drink like that? You can't do the

Sean Jordan showing up in Vegas special? You can. Yeah. I've definitely done some sets where I wish my backup track was playing and I just could have jammed out to my set.

Oh, man. Boy, oh, boy. Think of the Bridgetown sets we all could have had. Oh, my God. Hey, Ron Lynch does it. Why can't I, you know? I kept it really good for all the... I never once was tore up for a Bridgetown set.

Not one time. How? You don't drink before you get on stage normally yeah I've yeah but during Bridgetown it was still like I absolutely didn't those rules didn't bend at all while Bridgetown was still around never once not like I had

killer set but I'm just saying I never I never got caught up in that going to the you know you'd see people like noon at the strip clubs and shit. I'm like, ah, I can't do that. That's crazy. There's industry here. Yeah.

You're going to save me. Tell me you didn't think that sometime where you're like, okay, cool. So I'm going to go do this set. I'm going to kill it. And then, you know, I'll be on Conan a week later. That's worse. It happened for a lot of people we know. God damn it.

It does happen. Couldn't be me. It happened for a lot of people we know. God damn it. It does happen. Couldn't be me. It does happen. Speaking of which, I don't have any shows coming up. Just watch the late, late show with James Corden and listen to all fantasy everything. Now, we are gathering here today not to talk about how I did Conan a couple times before it went off air,

but also the fantasy draft. That's a direct result of the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. But also the fantasy draft... Now, hold on. Let me check if the wording is exactly correct here. Fictional characters we'd like to kiss. Yeah. Amy, this was your idea.

Any explanation behind it other than the obvious? Well, it's kiss and season, first of all. I love kissing. I love thinking about kissing. There was a suggestion in your suggested ones that was like fictional characters I want to fuck. And I'm like, guys, that's... Yeah. Crass.

Come on. These boys. Yeah, let's just take it down a notch. These boys. Because I was already thinking about drafting just people I want to kiss. That could have been fun if we're like yeah set naming people we know um thrown out yeah you know i'm single now so that could have been a good idea but then yeah we went fictional might be if you want to do a five person mini draft and we just put we just drop it in there you go ahead

oh hell yeah um well if you get a couch nampay no maybe a rocking chair um there's an ikea by the airport nampay what the fuck are you doing man but yeah man you know i'm i've been um single for a year and kissing probably one of the top things i miss the most when you're in a relationship you can just get a little kiss whenever you want just a little kiss nothing nothing on the way to the fridge on the way yeah it's the best i just love it oh man i love a kiss smooching is great i love a smooch yeah i i'm i love kissing i'm a snoopy little devil loves to kiss i love it that's true that's true it's nice i'll kiss for hours do you feel like you're good at kissing now i do yeah i'm gonna say yes driving and i'm on the top one percent of non-professional kissers non-professional kissers is a bunch wider like do you kiss confidently now you know yeah i was a good kisser in seventh grade i this girl the girl i was dating in

seventh grade told me i was great at it. And since then, I've really been arrogant. And I think that I thought that I'm good at it my whole life. If I'm not, I thought I was. Man, but you guys would not be surprised to hear about the bad kissing that men continue to do into their 40s. Yeah. Really, really, really shocking stuff. The bad kind of, I think a lot of sexual stuff.

I think a lot of guys, because I think they just think they're good at it and don't listen to advice. It's like stand-up comedy. Yeah. Get them. Yeah, the whole game is just like feeling out and anticipating someone else's needs. It's more

in a women's wheelhouse because we're socialized to do it. So we're going to be naturally better kissers. But then when you have a dude that's, you know, a very good kisser, I mean that's how you stay for six and a half years.

Very good. Okay. All right. I smell what you're stepping in. But it is more rare, I think, on my end to, like, yeah. Yeah. In your 40s, though, I don't... How are you still bad

at kissing in your 40s? Although at that point, it's like, you're not going to... A leopard is not going to change its stripes at that point. Because people don't... It's a hard conversation to have, you know? I couldn't even tell that guy on the plane not to eat his foot skin. I'm not going to tell my friend he's a bad kisser.

I feel like you'd be the person to do that. I would be the person you'd expect to do it and then it would almost hurt more because if it's someone I know, they're like, I knew you were a cunt. And I'm like, but no. I'm trying to help you they just reel back i knew it i had my suspicions like there's spit on my cheek that's not yeah what how'd that get

there why do i know what your teeth feel like where my lips chapped yeah my lips hurt what's going on from all the air sucking just a full mouth a vacuum no as i've gotten older i've moved way away from the french kissing i think when you're young and you first start kissing you want to get all that tongue and shit and like all that stuff no i love it i love it you love it you gotta be judicious you gotta be judicious i love it i think it's uh it depends on what you're doing it i mean if if you're chilling you know probably not but if it always falls off a little bit in a long relationship you know you're not making out usually with your wife for a couple hours oh but if you cheated you'd be french kissing trust me it's a cheat mode yeah let me

get all up into it let me get some tonsils yeah it's a cheating is like a French thing in general, so you might as well French kiss. I'm blowing cigarette smoke in your mouth while we're doing that shit. Let's fucking go, dude. It's the best, though. And it's just, yeah, it's good foreplay, you know what I mean? If a dude ever doesn't make out, and you're just like, what are we doing?

I never have understood that. I've never understood that. It's so early. It's so early. But there's the trope of like i just want to go straight to it and i'm like why i've never i've never been like let's get let's let's get down to it i it's take the time take time it's fine i feel like you've said that before making out though no what you're like let's get down to it i like that you think that i'm that kind of dude no man i don't have it in me.

You're an emotional bad boy. So of course you were in there making out, dude. Hell yeah. No, I'd rather make out than anything else, honestly. Me and my wife made out hard at your wedding, dude. Behind one of the cabins. It went down. Her just watching you and Laura and all the love that was happening.

She got so fired up, dude. You need to get married every weekend, dude. Cause I, she fucking boned the shit out of me, dude. That drive out of the woods back home. Couldn't keep her hands off me, dude. And it's because of you. All that roasting, all that road. Just seeing Laura absolutely tear you limb from limb.

Just hearing everybody include. Yeah. Just destroy you. Your own mother going up there, dunking on you, dude. She got horned up, dude. I had to wrap my sweater around my wife's waist because that's how fucking wet she got from everybody roasting the shit out of you.

All right, it is early. It is early. Okay, Amy can say it. Amy can say wet. I can't say wet. I'm talking about the love of my life. She slid right out of the passenger seat. Come on, okay.

She just slid right off the bench. When Sean's mom started roasting him, it was over. Game over. Turned into a slip and slide in there. No, weddings get people horny for sure. It's a horny occasion. Everyone's talking about why we're in love and why these two people

and then you're like, oh, we're in love. I just remembered how great our marriage is and how lucky we are. I better go finger this lady well we're going to find out who we want to make out with or finger or whatever, wherever it goes but we're definitely starting at kissing and then building up from there

now the way we term the order of that draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Two. Oh, three scissors. Perfect for a make-out theme podcast.

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ah, Shane. Oh, Shane wins. He throws a rock against Amy and Sean's scissors. Shane, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft.

What's that? That's a great question. Thank you for asking. It's like setting up dominoes if you want it to be real fun. You set your dominoes up in kind of an S curve. So you just kind of start on the right and you set them up. You go over to the left and then take a little slow curve and then go back over to the right for a while

and then kind of slow curve up to the left and just do that like 10 times or something. Like a snake. And then tip it. Yeah, like a snake. And then it's just like it's like kissing with your eyes. It's just fun. What? It's fun to watch. It's like kissing with your eyes. What?

You guys have never eye kissed? We all pretended to understand and then immediately redacted. Way off. What the fuck? It's like kissing with your butt. That I've done.

If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, Shane, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Butt kissing? Okay, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. Sean. Sean Jordan.

Me. Amy. Shane Bredman. Amy Miller. Ian Carmel. Hot Corner. Back on the Hot Corner. Here we go.

Nobody knows that you weren't yet. Oh, yeah. Well, you didn't have to say that. I've been not on the Hot Corner before. We may have taped out an order. It doesn't matter. Not your own didn't have to say that. I've been not on the hot corner before. We may have taped out of order. It doesn't matter. Not your own business. The podcast is free. Sean Jordan, you have the first. I'm pissed. I'm pissed at everybody.

Everyone's getting it. Sean Jordan, you're first. And we will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius,

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Yeah, we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed, the only form of recorded media that is available, in fact, other than, of course, Amy Miller's comedy album california king available now amy miller comedy.com and of course how could i forget the assville podcast which you didn't mention earlier i did mention didn't i you did okay yeah well amy started talking about being all wet, so everybody got distracted. So listen to Asphal. Well, you bring up Asphal, people are going to talk about being wet. That's all you do.

That's Amy's fault. Give people a little 10-second sell on Asphal. Or, you know, 30 seconds. Asphal is a cheap clapping rate and review podcast from two comedians in St. John's, Portland, Oregon. And we're silly boys who talk about silly things. And we go hard for the city and about silly things. And we go hard for the city and for each other. And we talk about kissing.

Willamette Week has a best podcast poll. And All Fantasy Everything is in it for some reason. I guess because Sean moved back to Portland. But I want to encourage everyone. It's fucked. Everyone vote for Asphal. Also, Maintenance Phase is in there, which is a very national podcast. I think one of them does live in Portland. Both of the hosts of Asphal. It is fucked. Also, Maintenance Phase is in there, which is a very national podcast.

I think one of them does live in Portland. Yeah, well, both of the hosts of Asphal live in Portland. We are here. Yeah, go vote for Asphal. WTF was up for Best Pod in Albuquerque. Really? Yeah, because that's where Marc Maron's from. Jesus.

God, that's fun. And he visits sometimes. Every now and then he goes back adam said that you got a full name drop the other day on wtf and oh yeah you did i just heard that ian carmel yeah what he's what he's saying i don't give a shit and i told adam the same thing i'll tear you in half bro i'll tear you in half you just tell me which way you want it sideways sideways there it is amy called it oh yeah dealer's choice tender can you do it. Sideways. Sideways. There it is. Amy called it. Oh, yeah.

Do you lose choice? Tender. Can you do it tender? Tenderly. Yeah, I'll do it with a grip of a lover. A warm embrace. Some kissing maybe? A little smooch.

Can I go? I got a good one. I got a good one. No, wait. Which episode was it? I do want to hear that. I have a very big ego. I don't know.

Adam just said you were. Oh, Shane, you listened. Yeah. Gigantic ego. It was just this recent one that came out. He was talking. The person he was talking to uh lara lara bites lara bites she was just talking about doing her late night thing and then they something about cordon came up oh because she was just on it she was so funny yeah yeah and he said uh he's like yeah once your set is done they clear out

you know that whole studio so quick there's like no party no hang he's like even yeah, once your set is done, they clear out, you know, that whole studio so quick. There's like no party, no hang. He's like, even Ian Carmel will just be like, what are you doing next? He's like, I got to go back to work. He's like, at the end of the day, no matter how fun it looks in the studio, it's like it's a job for those guys. So like you're living it up having your set. There's a little party before. It's not. It's fun.

It's fun. Yeah. You can have drinks before. Yeah, absolutely. But I have to go back to work. But the comedians can hang out in the green room. There's a full bar. I had champagne before Dolly Parton. That's fun. You can have drinks before. Yeah, absolutely. But I have to go back to work. But the comedians can hang out in the green room. There's a full bar. I had champagne before Dolly Parton.

That's right. Yeah, that's right. Oh, that was fun. I had, yeah. I remember when I found out there was an open bar back there. I was like, oh, man. Yeah. Unfortunate.

Good champagne, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thank you, Ian. You're welcome. Anytime. Anytime. Well, Ian doesn't buy the champagne.

He's not providing. He's not stocking the green room. No, he got me in to see Dolly Parton. Oh, okay. I apologize. I'll kiss you. As head writer, you don't know what falls under my purview. Correct.

All right, Sean Jordan, you have the first pick. Yeah, I do. The fictional character you want to smooch. Who are you smooching? I want to kiss Jolene from the song Jolene That's tight That's tight Damn

I was sitting there and I was like Man I got Flaming locks of auburn hair Eyes of emerald green And ivory skin Mostly what I go for you're gonna do that to laura a girl who looks just like her she was sitting right next to me when i thought of it works at the bank does work at the bank yeah i was like no laura but when you go to see jolene

don't make like a scene about it but like you know i'm gonna i'm gonna kiss her it's not a big deal that's so tight i kept trying to think about songs with fictional kid i couldn't come right off the bat dude that's good man good on you yeah that's well i think it's inspired i don't think i know it's inspired for maybe i don't know that i would have thought of that if amy weren't on the show because obviously you're a dolly parton fan so uh but yeah jolene it just uh i don't know she just sounds sounds hot the best and you never get a picture. So it's so much in the imagination.

And there's just, I don't know, something fun to that. Because I have my vision of Jolene. And I'm sure everybody does. It looks like Laura. Exactly like your own wife. It's Laura. It looks like your wife. An absolute knockout.

Like, yeah, of course. In this song, we don't know that Jolene has any interest in Dolly Parton's man at all. This is all just sort of a paranoid sort of thing. Or is she picking up on something? She's been flirting. She's been flirting. You know. Can you answer this?

Did she write that and I will always love you in the same night? She did, right? She did, yes. She did. And it's because her manager was being a prick. Told her she couldn't go out. Yeah. Isn't that right?

He said she was like gaining weight. Yeah. And so she couldn't go out. Yeah. Isn't that right? He said she was like gaining weight. Yeah. And so she couldn't go to the party. Also, Jolene, the name came from a child. Something to think about. The lady at the bank was not named Jolene. She separately met this little kid named Jolene. And she was like, I like that name.

And it works in the song. So I'll put it in. Yeah. The song could have been Pam. Pam. Pam. Pam Pam nobody's afraid of Pam taking their man

with this stinky permanent end context that I can see her voice is soft like summer rain man that's the fucking what does that even mean it's just beautiful oh yeah the lyrics are shocking and you it makes you feel you're like god i'm by the end of the song you're definitely on the other person's side we're like come on jolene be cool like don't don't you know he's saying her name in his sleep that's i just picture it's funny because of course i'm just picturing Laura sitting up being like is he

saying fucking Jolene again just looking at me sawing logs on my side just Jolene you gotta wake up then and be like baby I had a dream I was fighting Jolene yeah lightning crashing in the background we both had swords mine was on fire shit is Jolene breaking in again I sw? I was trying to defend our daughter's honor and best Jolene in combat. So I just wanted to make sure everything's good. Jolene is an acronym for a sort of a robot that's become self-aware. And I dream about it every night. I don't know what it means.

Yeah, there's periods in between every capital letter. I just don't know Jolene. It's like a corporation that I'm trying to fight. That's what I'm trying. Every night I get closer, but it's just out of my grasp. So if you could just not wake me up. It's fucking me up now that Amy said that Jolene is the name of a child. Yeah.

How do you think Jolene the child felt about that? Because she had to know she like met Dolly Parton. And then a little bit later, there's this song Jolene. Yeah. I don't know. Someone's got to find her. Sean, talk about that. Sean, as a father, how do you think that baby felt?

I think she probably wanted Cheerios or whatever the snack was. Yeah, I wonder, has anyone, I wonder if they like, She should have come back around and tried to take her man for real. She should have. She should try to fuck Carl Dean. Wherever you are, Jolene. If you're not dead, she hasn't lost, you know.

There's still time. I mean, so Jolene, how old's Dolly? Like 70? 72. 72? So Jolene is probably, what, 50? Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

Get in there. Yeah. I bet you somebody, I bet you it's like Ice Cube's Good Day where somebody was like narrowed it down or whatever. I don't know. Jolene, if you listen, let us know.

I was going to say something, but it's weird. Jolene. What were you going to say? We're talking about a child. I was excited to say Jolene. I got it. I'm thrilled about it. Amy, were you going to pick that? No that no not at all i didn't even think about songs that's real smart this is i don't know that this is a somebody's taking someone else's pick track i think that'll be you know yeah i didn't

well i just thought maybe amy would have would have picked jolene so that's why i wanted to go first i was real excited but uh anyway jolene shane brandon time for your first pick now this is i was going over all of this and i was thinking to myself do i want to kiss this actor or actress or do i want to kiss the character i can't every time i write down something i'm like who are we kissing now who are we kissing the character that character i had to think about the character and the qualities and the traits. And, you know, I like a good kiss. I like a good smooch. And happy Pride Month, everybody. But the first person I want to kiss is Dr. Jackson Avery, a.k.a.

Jesse Williams from Grey's Anatomy. Who are you talking to? Fucking go. Is that Dr. Sexy or whatever? I've never seen that show. No. He's the guy that was in Cabin in the Woods. Did you ever watch Cabin in the Woods? It's Jesse Williams? Jesse Williams. Yeah, he made that speech

to make white people very uncomfortable. I remember. He's taking out his big old hog on Broadway right now. He's got a big hog on Broadway. Big hog. He laid the hog right out on Broadway. Big hog on Broadway. Beautiful green eyes, right? Beautiful. Look, as a fellow light skin, I'm jealous because I

mean, me and him have the same body type. We're basically the same guy. A lot of times I'll see you, I'll be like in Portland, I'm like, what the fuck is Jesse Williams doing? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Is that Jesse Williams standing outside smoking a cigarette outside a plaid pantry?

No, it's Shane Brendan. It's Shane Brendan. That's actually he's got he's he's just uh he's uh he's uh he's a the doctor he's a doctor the character the character is a rich doctor whose whose mom is like a famous surgeon and she's one of the like one of the benefactors of seattle or gray sloan they call it when he's introduced i forgot you watched all this recently you've been i still watch it she's like on the board of directors or whatever she's married to the chief yeah the old chief of medicine i'm kissing in the power son yeah man yeah his dad in the show his dad is eric roberts so you know there's that oh that's tight yeah it's fun who's mcdreamer eric roberts his dad is eric rob he's uh yeah uh white dad uh brown mom and that's

which is which is that's usually it's the other way around yeah yeah i mean it's it's very dad's like that's why his eyes are green fuck his dad's an absolute loser but not he like he bailed on him which makes him a loser but he's like a bartender in bozeman or something and jackson goes to see him and uh his dad tries to be cool but ultimately you know he's just like I don't know I did bail on you you're right so it's like the coolest version of a shitty dad you could get. What happened next in Grey's Anatomy? Yeah keep going. Well that's what

we're drafting right? Grey's Anatomy The poignant moments that I think Grey's Anatomy the foundation is based on. I think we should all clear out and just give Sean as long of a runway as he wants here. Can you wrap up season six for me? I know a lot about this character that Shane wants to make out with so bad. So sue me.

I just think he'd kiss me. He'd give back what I'd give in. He'd kiss you true. He'd kiss you true. First grip on your back, maybe your butt, back of your neck, wherever you want. And the scrubs. My wife's a nurse. She wears scrubs, but she doesn't wear it the way that Dr. Jackson Avery wears it. No, no, no.

Those scrubs probably feel... I bet it'd be so fun to get a boner in scrubs, I bet. What? That work? I'd look at it. I mean, not yours, but... But a boner in scrubs? Yeah, no, I never thought about that

Sean I think you're 100% right nice thin fabric lightly colored fabric it would be a very flattering boner you could see all the moves you could see your vasectomy scar big scar dude

I got one of the first it's mostly scar one of those like linebackers that got knee surgery In the 70s where they're like yeah they just had to cut From my ankle up to my hip Yeah it's huge dude Let's not freak people out We want to encourage vasectomies

Gentlemen Easiest thing I've ever done but anyway yeah Shane keep going Yeah he's a doctor he's good looking You know it's green eyes he's got the whole thing uh parents are powerful i can kiss my way into that family we'd be a power couple nice five o'clock shadow he's sick also you know being married to a doctor he'll just he'll just look i like how i skipped all the way to marriage that's how that's how much confidence

i have in my kissing that i'm gonna kiss you better have a pretty wet honey kiss my friend oh dude let's say what dude you say wet honey kiss did i don't know a lot about kissing isn't that a harry style song you guys like that butterfly kisses song about um dad's making out with their daughters stop you're gonna make them cry laura hates that's It's really creepy, Sean. She don't hate a lot. And sometimes I'll just play it and she gets mad. I was like, what would you do? She hates these scenarios. I'm like, what would you do if I really played this at our wedding? And she's like, I don't know how to answer that.

Obviously, I'd be upset. No, you're supposed to play it at your daughter's wedding. Yeah. Because it's about a daddy-daughter kiss is you know it's funny chill and not creepy at all you're saying pics right now i was gonna pick that daughter dude you're not even attracted to her you're just like let me kiss you so your dad doesn't your dad did a whole song i want to smoosh that little kid dude sean that seems like a song you would like i could see you being like oh i love that butterfly because a song you would like. I could see you being like, oh, I love that butterfly because it's a song that makes me cry. It does, but I don't.

And I don't know why. Okay. All right. It's one. Him. And because he's the dude that has that new shoes song too. You know that where it's like they buy that this kid can't buy these new shoes in line at a department store or something.

And so he buys them for it's whack. You're talking about new shoes. Portland sensation. New shoes. That's right. That's right new shoes no that song is amazing yeah it's one of the best songs ever tell me what it's all about no uh anyway jackson avery good good job thank you great pick any miller time for your first pick okay this first pick's not gonna surprise literally anybody ever um dan connor oh yeah my number one husband yeah yeah what is is it i mean dan is obviously the good man's a very attractive guy is it uh like dan connor seems the great man what is it about dan connor he's just so he's just so funny um and he

just loves rosie so much but then he also gets mad you know i like when he gets mad a little bit because i'm fucked up but it's like yeah you know he's when he's like sits down at the kitchen table real hard and slams a beer down yeah damn it rosanne he's all tucked into that flannel you know never not untucked dude never not and then i also had to bring this up to name drop because i i asked roseanne if john goodman's a good kisser and she said yes of course very good and we kissed sometimes more than we had to like just as friends i think I don't think she was saying she was cheat but you know sure they have that kind of relationship

you know cameras on or off where they're smooching a little bit like god damn it you're so lucky seems like a good like in the when he gets he gets all mad at David one time or is this David in the show when he's when he's he wrongs Darlene yeah he just gives him a stern dad to daughter's lover conversation.

And it's just it. You're like, mm hmm. Yeah. But then he's so loving and gentle when he needs to be. I could just tell he's a good smoocher. He's not. He doesn't come home complaining about work all the time. And like, you know, he's he's in a good mood.

He's stoked. Am I going to be too hot to share the bed with him in the summer yeah of course of course i am yeah or not talking about sleeping next to someone else just nuzzling up in dan's fucking nook and little smooches throughout the night oh oh yeah dream you get in between his titties a little bit. Of course I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nestling. He's on his side. Yeah.

That's fantastic. Oh, he's the best. That is fantastic. He looks powerful. He looks like a powerful guy, too. He's powerful but loving. He's everything you want. Yeah.

He's a coil spring. Can't stress the funniness enough. He's so fun in the show and like calm and in a good mood maybe that's it maybe that's what i like the most he's just in a good mood most of the time yeah yeah that was yeah he's like fun i mean he has pieces of my dad of course obviously but the fun part is more that that's like, oh, maybe dad six beers in gets a little silly. But but, you know, Dan's he's fun all the time unless something serious. And then he's got to deal with it.

But I didn't watch Roseanne a lot. But when I did check in, I mean, the only thing I could think about is just having a nice tucked in plaid shirt and some jeans. Right. Like every episode. Yeah. Just tucked in. He was a very tucked in guy you gotta talk sometimes when you've got a big belly you know you gotta yeah hold it back it's like hold it back it's like skims for dudes you know like yeah it gives you like proportions you know

what i mean yeah yeah right here's now now i've created the illusion of a waist there it is maybe he's talking he tucks his t-shirt in too the man is tucked he does it's a handsome Now I've created the illusion of a waist. There it is. Maybe he's tucking his t-shirt in too. The man is tucked. He does. It's a handsome look. I haven't tucked my shit in at the wedding, I guess, but before that probably whatever wedding I went to. Not one time did Dan Conner ever have a pair

of shorts on. No, not once. There was never like a fishing episode off the lot. There was never like a fishing episode. He'll swim in jeans. Where's my quick dry denim at? We're going to the ocean today. Darren Connor, excellent pick.

Time for my first and second picks as it is. It is. The serpentine draft. My first pick, good, a fine Jew, fellow Jew, beautiful person, absolutely lovely. There's an element of danger to this. Good. A fine Jew. Fellow Jew. Beautiful person. Absolutely lovely. There's an element of danger to this. I'm kissing Karen from Goodfellas. Oh.

I had her on there. It's portrayed by Lorraine Bracco. But playing a Jewish American princess in the movie Goodfellas. I'm talking about early. Early Goodfellas. Maybe it's at the country club you know i'm not the guy who gets beat up with a pistol handle thank god because i may be

before him i may be before him yeah you know what makes me want to kiss her the most in that whole movie is when she takes the bloody gun and she goes i gotta be honest it turned me on yeah the level of where you're like that would be so hard to admit to yourself and the fact that she throws it out and admits it and is like yeah just like every person that lies about saying they're not into that shit um here i am i'm into it she liked it oh dude she was also the oh the actress was the therapist in uh in the soprano oh dr melfi oh yeah oh yeah yeah which i mean now that now that i mean you said it but that was also on the list. Dr. Melfi. Sorry, I don't mean to throw picks out there.

You had multiple Broncos on your list? Multiple Broncos? Yeah, multiple Broncos. Big Bronco smoocher. The Denver Broncos, dude. I'm stuck with offense and defense. Bronco's modern life, dude. I'm living it. barack goes modern life dude fucking barack the vote dude let's go yeah we're rocking it yeah

brock the yeah brock the boat too and she's got a good mouth yeah yeah she's so pissed at it at the late ray leota when she rolls up and he stands her up i've always wondered this i love that that's what i love she's pissed at him she goes up and he stands her up. I've always wondered this. I love that. That's what I love. She's pissed at him. She goes to where he's hanging out with his friends and is like, you stood me up. And like, that's fucking hot. Now, awesome.

Far be it from me to pick apart Goodfellas. But who's so she's not driving that car. So that means that she as a passenger, she's like, I want you to drive like you are furious because the car like pulls up on the curb. So who's driving? Is it Joe? Somebody is like, OK, I'll car like pulls up on the curb so who's driving is it joe pettish somebody is like okay i'll drive like i'm you i'll just drive like i just got stood up and then she hops out but yes when she's screaming at him in the car yeah it's no that's a that was definitely on my list that's an amazing you don't know how these two scoops man you'd be driving crazy too all right oh yeah dude karen from goodfellas is my

first pick now i'm going a little bit i'm going a different direction with my second pick oh man it's not all it's it's it's it's not all going to be romantic smooches necessarily or maybe not sexual smooches this is a smooch of curiosity i have some ulterior motives be romantic smooches necessarily, or maybe not sexual smooches. This is a smooch of curiosity. I have some ulterior motives in my smooches as well. Yeah. This is a smooch of curiosity. I want to kiss Yoda. Yeah.

Whoa. Yeah. Regular Yoda or baby Yoda? Regular Yoda. Regular Yoda. Oh, yeah. Oh, Dagobah Yoda. Oh, it's so prickly.

I want to know what it feels like. What's it feel like? Yeah, what that mouth do, Yoda? I want to kiss him on the top of the head. I want to kiss his little ears. And I want to kiss him on the mouth. What's it feel like? There is only kiss.

Yeah. Does he get the force involved? Is there a force involved? What's the kiss like? Give me a kiss, Yoda. Oh, the force. Yeah, there probably is a little extra feeling, you know. We're floating all of a sudden.

I'm smooching Yoda. Let me know what it feels like. What's it taste like? Probably not good, dude. Ian, come over here. Do your best, Yoda. Mmm. What the?

Mmm. That mouth do what? That mouth do what? Mmm. Tender. That mouth is what? Tender in that mouth is... Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. It seems like he would be musty. Maybe.

Yeah. Maybe. I mean, yeah, he's been sitting in a hovel on a swamp planet for for years untold hiding from the sith but you can do a lot with the force though you can freshen up freshen up your pits that's what i think i think so you can do anything with the force i'm not making out with this guy i'm kissing him i'm smooth i could just kiss him on top of the head his wrinkly little head and i had such a close pick to that all right that's good that's a good ass gone now because the force is the big thing i want to i want to be around the force and feel like if i can

can i cause the force myself like if i kiss him so hot you know maybe that's what i'm saying i think we're floating all of a sudden if i kiss him right see dude tell me that wouldn't gas you up for like decades you're like yeah i kissed yoda one time when we floated. Yoda didn't even know we were floating, dude. I will say this is the hardest draft that I have done thus far. Very difficult. My list probably has 60 things on it. Oh, wow.

I got a long list. We could do 10 rounds. I got stuff to do. Let's take a second. Yeah, Amy, it's time for your second pick. Okay. No, wait. Did you go two a second. Yeah, Amy, it's time for your second pick. Okay. No, wait. Did you go too, Ian? Yeah, Yoda.

Oh, yeah, Yoda and Lorraine. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Why did you do that, Karen? I can do that. You were supposed to kiss, Karen. Mix them up, though. Why'd you do that, Yoda? Why'd you do that, Yoda? That was our only kiss, Yoda. Yeah, I'm gonna, yeah. Oh, Yoda. Why'd you do that, Yoda? That was our only kiss, Yoda.

Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, Yoda's freaking out, dude. God, oh. Flip those two. Imagine Yoda and Goodfellas and Karen in Star Wars. If Yoda was in Goodfellas, we'd be fine, dude.

Yeah, dude. Hell yeah, we'd be fine. I need a little bit of... I need a little time travel allowance on this one. Right. Of course. Okay. A little leeway because he is a child.

But I was also a child. Okay. I like this. That's okay. I like this. I got a version of that coming up. And you're going to... I mean, Chris Chambers, Stand By Me.

Oh, wow. River Phoenix. He was River Phoenix. Yeah mean, Chris Chambers, Stand By Me. Oh, wow. River Phoenix. He was River Phoenix. Of course. He's the hottest kid. But I'm also, and we're only kissing, so it's fine. And you're a kid, too. I'm a kid, too, and we're kissing.

No, there's tongue, but I'm a kid, too. Don't forget that part. He's smoking cigs. He's blasting cigs. He's blasting cigs. It's fine. Keeper Sutherland's threading him with a switchblade. I think he can French kiss. They found a dead body.

It's all right. Guy's so good looking. And he's just, you know, he's tough, but like sweet. And he really takes care of Gordo. And he's just like so nurturing when the leeches happen. But yeah, he's ripping cigs and stealing. And he's just, but he didn't take the lunch money so don't fucking come to me tell me he took the goddamn lunch money right yeah you got his back oh chris

you like these nurturing guys i like a listen i'm very transparent i just listed my dad and my brother brother. You know, damaged, but you know. Kind. I just picked my dad and my brother. Don't get me wrong, though. His body's slamming for a child. When you're a child, when you're also a child. Right.

How old is he at this point? 12. He's 12. Yeah. Damn. But I think in real life he was 14. These are still not okay ages. I'm glad you brought this up because I got one

that's coming down the bend and I'm like, I don't know how they're going to receive this. It's hard not to do the ones that you were horny for as a kid. You know? It's hard not to think about kids. We're time traveling today a little bit. I was making moves when I was a little too young. Did you have sex when you were like nine or something?

I was young. I could do long division. I was just introduced to long division. You can edit that out. It's on the album, I'm pretty sure. We were sitting at a... And he wore the condom all day. That's what was crazy. i went to laura's

mom's or laura's mom laura's um laura's grandma's funeral in um bismarck north dakota anyways first time i met like a bunch of her extended family and we're sitting around eating dinner and her uncle goes yeah we were listening to your album and i was like and i go which part and he goes the part about when you were uh. I go, mm-hmm. He didn't say anything. Shout out, Jay. He listens. But he didn't say anything.

I was like, oh, what a bad look for me. What a bad look. I mean, honest. You can't shy away from things. But it's like, you forget that when you put yourself out there like that, that anybody can see it and hear it. And it's just like. And people are big old nerds. Oh, yeah.

Sorry you're not getting sorry not out here getting ass at 13 like me bro but aside from real life too it's just when you're watching stuff that age you're always going to be more horny for someone similarly your age i mean a lot of the time not always but yeah it's uh chris chambers r.i.p may he rest in peace too beautiful for the world little mini doc on hulu about the viper room you should watch it's like this 90s thing yeah i saw it bum me out it's a good one on the viper did you watch it mm-hmm

didn't he od outside of it he did yes yeah cuz flea wouldn't let him play in the band fucking flea dude this is all flea's fault no he was gonna die any day now like if it wasn't that night he wanted to be in the red hot chili peppers he wanted to play yeah i don't know if it was the chili peppers playing that night or another band that flea had but he was like really fucked up on and speedball um and he wanted to play and they wouldn't let him they were like you're too messed up and then he got really upset and he went outside and then he passed away.

But he was just too hot for life. If that was my kid, I would not have let him be in the movies. I'd be like, listen, you're a sexy kid. I'm sorry. And you can't. This is going to ruin your life. You've got to stay in school. You're going to work at Meineke.

Should have kept him in the weird compound in Southern Oregon where all those phoenixes live. You're going to be a pet boy. Wait, do the phoenixes live up here? They lived in some hippie compound in Southern Oregon for a while. I didn't know that. Yeah, Joaquin's name used to be Leaf. What? They wanted to make it a little more socially palatable,

so they changed it to Joaquin. Yeah, because he's in parenthood. And in parenthood, he was real hot. That was another kid I wanted to kiss. And his name was Leaf Phoenix. Oh, it doesn't roll. And he was jerking off all the time in that movie. Leaf Phoenix, the back-to-back F sounds don't roll, so I get it.

Leaf Phoenix. Leaf Phoenix. Leaf Phoenix? Shane Brighton, time for your second pick. Amy, thank you for bringing up the time traveling thing that's allowing me to also time travel.

No, I'm not going to do that right now. Coward. It's bad because I don't think i was the same age uh maxine maxine no i was shane brandon sorry she's cute i'm gonna go with uh ann perkins from parks and wrecks and perkins as played by Rashida Jones. Is that Rashida Jones? I mean, just adorable. I got to, I mean, she's a good friend. You know, she has a, she's a nurse.

It's basically my wife. I married a very attainable, no, I married a better version of Rashida. She married someone attainable. Yes. I'm Chris Pratt before he became an action star in Parks and Recs. Like, dude, one of the things I loved about this show was just her and Perkins. Yeah.

And the jokes were always just like, you know, Amy Poehler's, all her bits about her being just racially ambiguous. That was always fun. I like that. If your whole list is not other light-skinned people, I don't want to. I'm going to be upset at this point. Yeah, I got a

rage list going on. She's so beautiful. It's weird. You picture dad and your brother. I'm going hard in the paint for light-skinned folks. We're staying in the family. Let's keep it in the family, dude. We're just listing which family members we want to cancel.

Yeah, Jolene is my wife, so I did well. And Yoda is my little cat. My little cat, Eddie. See, and this is what I'm saying. It was hard for me to decipher between like am i going with the actor or the actress or am i going with the character but you know and sweet in the show i like i like the sweetie the character no you know it's a little she's a little annoying but that doesn't make someone less kissable you're talking about my wife here bro

she's a good friend and i like how they call her Ann Perkins. You know, I have that full name thing. People always say my full name for some reason. I like that. Ann Perkins. Yeah, it's sweet. Yeah, I like it. You are a full namer.

It's weird. I don't know why. The children in my family call me Amy Miller. Do you? Let's try Ann Amy. Nope. Yeah, how about that? They won't do it.

They won't do it. They won't do it. Do you want to be called Aunt or Auntie? What do you prefer? We say Aunt in my family, usually. Aunt Simons. I say Aunt, and I married into an Aunt universe, and it's tricky. You say Aunt? Yeah, I say Aunt, normally.

Yeah, I'm not really like an auntie this, auntie that. It's like my aunt Leslie, my aunt Jenny. We're an aunt family. Aunt Perkins. I do say yunkel, though. What? Man yunkel? Ah, man yunkel.

Estas man yunkel. Ja, das ist man yunkel. We're an aunt family. As well, I think. Aunt Nancy. Yeah, Aunt Danielle. Yeah, aunt. Yeah, we're aunt.

It's interesting, and we'll do a full podcast about it later. Sean, tell me your second and third picks. Second pick is probably the biggest crush i had on any movie character probably ever there's one that you could debate but i was too young so this one uh has stood the test of time still have a crush it's ally from karate kid uh played by elizabeth shu oh yeah yeah nice little we went on a first date are we gonna kiss are we not gonna kiss uh we're at the roller coaster we're gonna golf whatever we were doing i want to i'm you know it's not up to me obviously so no you just do it so so it is it is up to me i didn't know that let's do it let's do it i didn't know

it was up to me in this world i'm. In this world, I'm pretty much, I've already been beaten up by Johnny. Like I want her over and it's just, it's fun. You feel great about yourself. Also look pretty fucking amazing in Cobra Kai. Dude, it's shocking. The shoe bomber. Yeah, dude.

Anyway, yeah, that like just, just the textbook high school. don't know she's it's just uh it's fun and laura and i also dressed up maybe what do we pick real life laura and i dressed up like daniel and and her for halloween last year which one did you dress up as dog johnny dude i really wanted to kiss her brother when i was a kid, and I did. Her brother? A big poster of him that I had by my bed. Andrew Shue, yeah. Oh, wait. Who's he?

Oh, yeah. He was in Melrose Place. Oh, he was. I was about to say, yeah, yeah. His name's Andrew Shue? John, you don't know Andrew Shue? You don't know Drew Shue? I don't think so.

Drew Shue. Gorgeous. I feel like if I had to bet on anyone who knew who Andrew Shue was, Amy and you would be the top two. But he sort of went away. Yeah. I don't know what happened to him, but I did kiss his face. I didn't watch

Melrose Place very much. You didn't watch Melrose Place? That's wild. I didn't watch Melrose Place. I think that was I didn't either, but I'm not that guy. Sean is that guy. Amy, you watch Melrose Place? I fucking live in Melrose Place right now, dude. My ex

lives across the courtyard. God, that's tight yeah i loved malrose place i guess i was pretty little to be watching it but that was like good like like nine o'clock fox era you know right i was a model i was a models inc guy i wasn't i wasn't. I remember Model's Inc. I wasn't. What's the difference between Melrose Place and 90210? I feel like that's the same show. Melrose Place was a more adult version. Yeah, they're adults.

There's murders and shit that happens. It leans more into dark drama. If you watch 90210, 90210 is straight up high school. I rewatched it during COVID. It is straight up. I mean, they were 37 years old,

but yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. But I mean, they're freshmen when they, it's like they're kids. I didn't realize it because I was also,

I was younger at the time when I watched it first, but like they're children. Yeah, Andrea's fucking president of SAG now. She was such a nerd. Is she really? Yeah.

God, that's tight. 100%. So yeah, Elizabeth Shue. And then for my third pick, I'm going to go a little crazy. I'm going to pick the tooth fairy. What? Jesus, what the fuck

is happening right now? Yeah. Yeah. I want to see what the tooth fairy looks like. She's carrying around baby teeth. Yeah, dude. You're kissing a strange...

You're kissing a fucking prowler with a bag full of baby teeth? And one dollar bills? This is a kiss out of curiosity. A crown royal bag full of dollars, though, too. This is a kiss out of curiosity, and I want to see what the tooth fairy looks like. I want to see what's going on with the tooth fairy. We have some bad news for you, Sean.

The tooth fairy might look like Jolene. You don't know. And you're not going to know because I'm going to kiss her. The tooth fairy might not be a human. The tooth fairy could be like a fucking, like, I don't know, like a fucking walrus, dude, with a gun. You don't know. I'm going to find out. I am interested.

Ever since seeing Scrooged, I only picture Carole Kane as the fairy. Carole Kane is like a fairy character. I like that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Kane is like a fairy character. Like when I, yeah. I like that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, because she's also great.

She's insane, you know? Yeah. She, that, her in that movie is so, it's,

she's perfect when she puts the like thing up and then she hits him with a toaster. He wakes up, the bitch hit me with a toaster.

She's incredible. Oh my God. But the tooth fairy's a loonon she's sneaking into children's rooms and taking their yeah i'm interested see that's one way to think about it i think she's being cool about it she's removing the teeth from the area giving them money for them so you don't have to throw your teeth away when you picture the tooth fairy what pops into your head honestly it's a it's like a version of carol cain it's that same exact thing it's actually me my daughter's lost some teeth over the years yeah her and screwed she can fly yeah she's nice she's nice i don't i'm not picturing like a smoking smoking hot tooth

fairy but like she's nice she's nice she's big nice she's got like a nice demeanor i don't i don't picture like a monster or anything um did you know did you guys did she take the teeth because in my house we would get like the ones but we still had the teeth because i remember i had like a little thing of my teeth i don't know why i would ever need that but she i don't know how parents yeah do it i don't know how you could get under a pillow without waking the kid up. Shane. No, dude, it's easy. My daughter, when she was like losing teeth, she slept like a fucking rock.

I can go in there just like. Yeah, I was going to say, Sean. Yeah, just put her out of the way. Just grab the tooth. Put a little fiber in there and dip out. A six-year-old is like sweating, sleeping because they're growing so fast they have to sleep hard or they'll die she sleeps hard jealous of that kid they wake up wet yeah we just

went by the way we just went to the doctor on her birthday 69 and uh she is now taller she's more in the hundredth percentile of height than she was and in the 87th percentile for weight. Get a basketball in that girl's hand, dude. I'm talking NBA. It is called the National Basketball Association and she will be a member of it. I'm excited. Let's get her playing on a Russian oligarchs team yesterday. Get that going, dude.

Yeah, the Tooth Fairy. I don't know. Shake it up a little bit. I want to see what they're about. I want to see what the Tooth Fairy is doing. The Tooth Fairy. I don't know. Shake it up a little bit. I want to see what they're about. I want to see what the Tooth Fairy is doing. Yeah. All right. The Tooth Fairy. The Tooth Fairy.

The Tooth Fairy. Tooth Fairies are free. Yeah, we'll find out. Time for your third pick. Tooth Fairy off the board. Wet Little Freak. All right. All right.

I'm going to go. Oof. Now, have you guys ever heard the term pogs? Yes. Pogs? P-A-W-G? Fatass girl? No, no, sorry.

Sean was thinking pogs. Yeah, you nerd. I'm talking about thick asses, bro. I'm talking about thick porcelain asses. Not only have I heard of them, I am them. I'm the president. I'm not only the client, I'm the president.

Madam President. Oh, my first true love, Pog, was Topanga from Boy Meets World. I fucking knew you were going to do Topanga. As soon as you said time travel, I'm like, this fool's going to say Topanga. I fucking know it. You know it, is it?

Is it obvious? I had to take Topanga off my list because my friend is married to her now. Oh, damn. No disrespect to the homie i'm not talking no no no please yeah respect yeah but it's just kissing we're just kissing here i'm just too close right i'm just too close you're not too close yeah step back you're dancing kind

of close uh i used to whole song about boners by the way and then wop comes out and it's like we can't make a song about that yeah yeah whole song is about getting a, by the way, and then WAP comes out and it's like, we can't make a song about that. Yeah. Whole song is about getting a hard-on. The whole thing. It's insane. That's what I was singing to the TV. It's not all about getting a hard-on. Some of it's about dancing. Barely. The dancing is about the boner.

Jagged Edge, right? Jagged Edge. Minneapolis is on. Don't act like you're not looking at a poster right above your computer correct me if i'm wrong but that's a jagged edge right came out in 19 or 2001 sold about 18 million copies i give or take on so so deaf they came out on so so deaf right it's so funny me and me and me and bory went down like a r&b uh rabbit hole and he was talking we just ended up watching jagged edge and drew hill videos and bory's like you know what i love about jagged edge he's like these other like r&b groups they'll steal your girl on some like slick smooth shit like really

like uh you know talk about how they'll love you better jagged edge are the dudes who come in the club and they just like snatch your girl away from you like you're with me now like i stuck my boner on you and now you're mine dudes with cornrows and and and fucking tattoos singing r&b songs anyway that's what i want to do i do the same thing at bori's house yeah talk about that's what happens to bori's house that is what happens over there also seems like she'd be a good ass kisser yeah for sure and he was never good nobody on that show could even come close to being good enough for her none of it nobody's good enough that that person was on another show.

Why? Because Sean was too much of a bad boy? Because they were equal in attractiveness, Sean and Topanga. No. No. You're insane right now. Ryder Strong is very attractive, isn't he?

No. Not like Topanga. Yeah, he's attractive. Topanga was a Betty, dude. All right. I apologize. I apologize. Ben Savage wasn't doing it

His name is Ryder Strong Ryder Strong got married where I got married Nick Nampe told me that What's up? You know He's couch shopping right now Topanga obviously That's an amazing pick

I'm just saying Ben Savage Let's not go too hard on Savage, let's not go too hard on guys who have very traditional... Let's just not go too hard on the savages who have very traditional Jewish looks. Something about him I just don't trust. Let's just not throw it all... Let's not throw the whole thing out.

You know. We're not shitting on Ben. I'm saying the character. Just saying the savages. Traditional Jewish... Traditional Semitic good looks. Very cute. Very successful commercial director. And Ben Savage in Little Monsters, maybe the cutest child I've ever seen in my goddamn life.

Cute little guy. Us little curly haired Jews, we're cute. But it's Topanga we're talking about. It's Topanga. That's why I've moved this way from Topanga. Stealing the shine of my queen, dude. She should have been dating Usher or something in that show. That would have been wild.

If Usher was in it instead of Ben Savage. They should have brought Timberlake over from the Disney channel. You know, just some... It's your boy meets world. It's a different show. Your boy meets world that's good that's good

Topanga I mean a classic one of my first crushes as well Amy Miller time for your third pick god this is so hard okay but I'm gonna go also a doctor

Shane I'm talking about Dr. Robert Leeds Insects and the City. I never saw it. Played by Blair Underwood. Team doctor for the New York Knicks.

I do know who Blair Underwood is. Good choice. The hands down most attractive Sex and the City man. Best boyfriend. She fucked it up. she fucked it up obviously robert leads never gets into these conversations like yeah i love steve sure i love smith jarrett but dr robert fucking are you kidding me miranda broke his heart and then he was having a threesome

the next day with two like you should you should who are the other guys it was patrick warburton and um john that john was his name john It was Patrick Warburton and John. What was his name? John. Patrick Warburton's not in Sex and the City. He's not in Sex and the City? Who am I thinking of? No, he's in Seinfeld. Are you thinking of Seinfeld?

No, I know that. They live in New York. Who's the guy I'm thinking of? Isn't there like a big guy in there that looks like Patrick Warburton? Oh, you're talking about John Corbett. No. Aiden from Northern Exposure? I think you might be thinking of Mr. Big.

Is that John Corbett? Mr. Big is Chris Noth. Chris Noth? Could I in some world mix him up with Patrick Warburton? Yeah, you could. I've never seen the show. I don't think so. He's attractive. He's nowhere near Blair.

You would love Sex and the City. You would love the show. You would devour it. and it's not too late adam just watched the whole thing last year it's so good i love it it's a great show i've watched it twice through i watched all of gray's anatomy and corinne it's never too late it's that's you know i've seen every episode 600 times it's better than it's better than grace i'll say that leads it's a horny show right pretty horny. Yeah, it's horny enough. Pretty horny.

It's horny for commerce. It's horny for sex. It's horny for New York. It's horny. I like it. But it's horny for different things. All right. Kissing.

You get horny with it. But also, the boyfriends, pretty much every single one of them deeply problematic in some way or just not right. What about him? Besides Smith Jarrett. But Smith is really stupid. He's a dumb guy. Robert's the only perfect boyfriend in that show ever.

Come for me. I will fucking win this fight. You're not going to love him. Miranda ruins it. He's smart, kind. He's a doctor for the Knicks. It's free Knicks tickets. Miranda loves basketball, in theory.

Yeah. For this arc. She went to one game. She went to one game. And then never again. He's so hot. He did decline being in the new show, too. And I have deep respect for everyone that said no to this horrible new show.

Are the movies or whatever not good? The movies are really fun. Not the one that's in Dubai. It's not good, but it's fun. The new show is the worst shit I've ever seen in my life. It's so weird. I hear Samantha's coming back for the next season of it, though.

The character, Samantha. Kim Cattrall is not. But not the same actor? Oh, what? How are they going to do that shit? They're Aunt Viv in it? They're going to unvive it? Yeah, unvive. They're going to CGI her. She comes back and she's light-skinned. I'm with that. It's fine. It's a hologram.

Oh, sorry. I said pick, Shane. My bad. It's fine. Time for my third and fourth picks. As it is a serpentine draft. Shout out to Dr. Robert Leeds. My third pick, I take you to a fictional version of New York City, where a sort of middle-aged woman is struggling raising her nephew. And she needs to get a smooch. And I'm smooching Aunt May as portrayed by Marissa Tomei.

So good. Yeah. So good. There was one clear frontrunner in the Aunt May as portrayed by Marissa Tomei. So good. There was one clear frontrunner in the Aunt May's category. I didn't think about any other Aunt May's. That's a matter of opinion. But this is my favorite. I don't want to be ageist. You are correct.

This is my favorite. Marissa Tomei as Aunt May. Listen, if Favreau's in there handling it, I think I can slide in pretty easily i don't think i'm much of a disappointment after that if if it's fat if i'm tapping favro on the shoulder and then i'm in there giving her a smooch all of a sudden well okay this is like is is is pepsi okay it's that kind of situation it's like all right yeah okay you don't have coke sure you don't have favro i Carmel. Favreau seems like a good kisser, though. Oh, yeah, Favreau's a good...

That guy, it's interesting. He's a big DJ. Like, he DJs big Hollywood parties. What? Do we think that makes him a good... You DJ big comedy festival parties, so... Yes, I do, yeah. Again, me and Favreau.

Good kisser. Oh, yeah. At least as far as Marissa Tomei's concerned. Dude. Yeah. Beautiful woman. Yeah. She you know spider-man you know what i mean like sign me up maybe any marissa tomei character ever any any marissa tomei ever this is my personal favorite i think just as i've gotten a little bit older but my god marissa i want i can't wait i want to type something to you that is a comedian who's been saying he's dating Marissa Tomei. What? Oh, man.

It's going to really piss you off, too. You cannot be serious. Oh, God. Terrible, right? Is he? Well, maybe. I can see it. I can see it, too.

He is telling people that. Maybe. I can see it. I can see it too. He is telling people that. Based on other sources, like maybe someone who manages him. It doesn't seem true. I could see it too.

It doesn't seem true. But I don't know. He's dated other people. He sure has. And women may make bad choices. Okay. Now we're really narrowing it down in this group of comedians. They're going to guess.

Listen, if he hears this, good for you. Seriously, fantastic. That's Buck. Marissa Tomei is a grown woman who's capable of making her own decisions. It's Nampay. We're talking about Nampay, guys. Marissa Tomei is letting Nam Pei borrow some furniture. That's what's happening here.

I like this guy in question. Am I not supposed to like this guy in question? Maybe I've been misled. No, I like this guy. Oh, no, yeah. He's like objectively hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a comedian of any kind.

And that's the rub. It's the Topanga situation. Do you know what I mean? What are you doing? It's not about Ben Savage. It's just that you're not... It's a next level woman we're talking about. This is a high level woman. This is as high as it gets.

Fucking my cousin Vinny. I don't know why you guys are ripping on Gabrielle Iglesias so much. It's fine. She can date who she wants to date. Fluffy and Marissa. After Dodger Stadium she was like... Room for two in that Hawaiian shirt. Get in here.

I'm taking Aunt May, Marissa Tomei's Aunt May. I'm going to go serious. I'll go back serious. I mean, these are all serious. I do want to kiss all these people. I'm going to take Natalie Portman as sort of the Lady Thor

in these Marvel. That's my second Marvel character. I don't even really like superhero movies. What's funny because you're picking another top Jewish lady. She's so normal. That's my second Marvel character. I don't even really like superhero movies. What's funny because you're picking another top Jewish lady. She's so normal. Like she's such a not a character. You know what I mean? Like you're almost getting Natalie Portman it feels like. You talking about me taking Natalie

Hirschlog? Known you Natalie Hirschlog? I don't know who that is. That's her real name. Oh is it? Oh yeah baby. Oh wow. We're out here. We're out here changing names still you said natalie portman i thought for sure you were gonna take natalie portman from garden state because that's when i was just like i want to kiss her with her helmet on i lived in portland

too long to take natalie portman from garden which is everywhere for you yeah yeah natalie herschlag dude absolutely changing namesach Boy that was funny Winona Ryder's real name is Not to say people but Hold on It is also very Winona Horowitz Whoopi Goldberg went the other way

Her name's Karen Johnson We appreciate it Thank you Whoopi I'm going to do that next It probably would help Johnson. We appreciate it. We appreciate it. I'm going to do that next. It probably would help. It couldn't hurt. Couldn't hurt? Throw a curveball at him. See what happens. There's a few of us. Listen, I'm a producer.

You know? Amy Goldstein. You'd have trouble getting in a sag with Amy Goldstein. There's probably quite a few of those you might have to change the first one you might have to go whoopie goldstein uh but i want you know she's got lady thor power she's holding thor's hammer you know i want to see what that's like again it's a it's a it's a it's a strong calling it holding thor's hammer now yeah sean kids are calling it that father i'm not a father for

this two hours i can't be don't tell me that uh i just i you know because part of this is listen i don't think i could satisfy natalie portman as lady thor but i would like to know the sensation of kissing her does lightning go off you tell me this is your second pick where it's more than just the kiss there's some sort of power behind it. Like there's the force. And then there's, yeah, you're trying to get some sort of transfer in there. I like that. There's mystical things happening.

Maybe I benefit from it on the back end. Yeah. It's like an STD. You want to catch it. Yeah. Maybe I'll catch it. You think a kiss gets you all the way to the back end? No.

Hey, dirty jokes. I'm out here. None of it works, huh? None of it works? None of you were dirty? None of you were scumbags, huh? I'm at this early, dude. It's not early anymore. It's 11.

I wouldn't be up yet. Sean Weinberg was his original name. Sean Weinberg. Amy, time for your fourth pick. There's five total, that's right it's your ninth afa i want to kiss so many people okay i'm gonna do i got a pity kiss all right just like i like i want to help um okay this could be a lot of his characters actually but i'm going to go specifically scotty j in boogie nights which is philip seymour hoffman's character

he doesn't really want to kiss me because he is a gay man um but i just i want to save him you know but again many psh characters need just a nice long kiss and a hug. Yeah. And I think maybe he'll be better and not kill himself. You think you can save him? Is that what it is? I wish. This is all about me wanting to save him in real life. It's really tragic.

He doesn't kill himself. Or wait. In the movie, he doesn't kill himself. No, no, not Scotty. But in other movies. Yeah, yeah. He's always on the edge Do you know what I mean

And like nobody gets him But he does Like Philip Seymour Hoffman Luscious lips Luscious lips Oh that guy kissed He kissed That guy kissed

And that's that like dark kind of Yeah like making out to survive I feel like heroin addicts kiss Heroin addicts kiss Two of your picks kiss each other In Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Marissa Tomei kiss in the beginning. There's probably some cross kissing in here.

Let me take a look. You just want to kiss Scotty J. Give him a big hug. Tell him, you know, his tank top looks great. Fits well. Looks great. Form fitting. Shorts are looking hot.

Hugging the curves. Mic technique impeccable. You just come up to the car and you go, like, you're not a fucking idiot. After Dirk walks away and you're like, no, no, you're not a fucking idiot. Get Hugging the curves. Mic technique impeccable. You just come up to the car and you go like you're not a fucking idiot after Dirk walks away and you're like no no you're not a fucking idiot. Get out of the car. I'll give you a kiss. And then you give him a kiss. Right. Then he calms down. Sure. And I do think I have fixed

men with my kisses. According to their mothers. You're in the top 1% of non-professional kisses. Again. Truly. Yeah. others and you're in the top one percent of non-professional kisses again this is truly yeah and me driving so i yeah i get it yeah i'm in the top one percent of unpaid drivers i feel like i've ruined six months of a girl's life with my kisses and not not for sure yeah for sure not like the kiss was so good just like whatever happened after yeah Yeah, I feel like I definitely... Enduring. Enduring. No, a lot of kisses can ruin your life.

I'm saying, yeah. If you're lucky. If you have kiss chemistry with someone, it can be hard to see all of the things that are wrong. Like, you know, that you're a gay man in um mini shorts who is suicidal yeah tight tank top but yeah fucking idiot i'm a fucking idiot it's not the kiss he wanted but it's the kiss he needed that's what you bring have you guys ever uh had the thing where you go in for the kiss you read you read it wrong you think it's time to do it, and then they're just like, nope, nope, back up.

Oh, yes. Me, no, but have had it done, yes. Wait, Amy, you've done it? Substancing a pattern. You've done the back up, or you've been the one to go in? Never been turned down for as much, never. Rarely. I don't know that I've turned down.

But yes, I've definitely read the room wrong and tried to kiss everyone in it. And they were like, nope. That is so sad. I did it in middle school one time when we were outside the skating rink and we were playing. We were supposed to kiss.

And I went into French kiss and she went in for a peck on the mouth. So I basically just like, and put my lips over like surrounded her put your mouth over her her mouth yeah her whole and then we call that the iron novus so the next day fast forward to the mall we had all talked with our friends and our friends had talked with each other and they're like all right so you guys should try to kiss again at the mall so we go into kiss at the mall i went in with a closed mouth to pecker and she went in with like

a wider grip than i had in the beginning and so it was like we we screwed it up twice it was a bummer i will say as an adult when i when someone's gone in and i pulled back i was shocked that they thought there was any like i don't get it at all. Yeah. The runway is not clear. No. Yeah. Well. So weird. I got shamed as a child. I was, like, maybe 12, 13, and neighborhood kids were playing seven minutes in heaven in some, like, abandoned shed in the neighborhood.

And this girl that I really had a crush on, I liked her a lot. It was our turn to go in, and I was thinking to myself, I'm going to be a nice guy. I don't want to force crush on her. I liked her a lot. It was our turn to go in, and I was thinking to myself, I'm going to be a nice guy. I don't want to force this on her. It feels like because it was like a group of her friends were around, a group of my friends were around. They're like, Shane, Ebony, you guys go in. It's your time to do it.

And I felt like she'd be a force. So we went in there, and I told her straight up. I was like, hey, we don't have to do this. Let's just stand here. Let's just talk. Did you say it like that? God, you said it like that. Let's just talk. My voice was like this. I was like 11 years old. I was like, look, we don't have to do this. Let's just stand here. Let's just talk. Did you say it like that? Yeah, let's just talk. Let's just talk.

My voice was like this. I was like 11 years old. I was like, look, we don't have to do anything right now, baby. Let's just talk it about. Let's talk it out, you know? How's social studies this week? And we went out, and she shamed me. She shamed me.

Like, she was, like, really cool. And she's like, thank you. Like, I just, I didn't really want to do it. But my friends here, I was like, all right, that's cool. That's cool. So they knock on the door. They're like're not gonna do like all right boom boom boom time's up we leave i'm thinking we have this understanding i'm thinking i did the good thing by not forcing this girl to do it she just starts roasting the fuck out of me the minute we got out of there their girls are like how was he like he didn't even try to kiss me he just wanted to talk the

whole time he just wanted to talk to me like i don't know i should have went in there with one of you other dudes in there he was just in there talking to me about stuff pokemon and shit i was like you dirty motherfucker ebony if you're listening you missed out i love her yeah yeah she's like what a fucking pussy dude she's like this guy's a fucking fucking puss we're 11 this dude didn't even finger me. What the fuck? I wore my finest duck head polo shirt too. I remember that shit.

We're probably not going to pick Ebony next because she's not a fictional character but who will be your fourth pick? Thank you for bringing that up. I'm going to go with I'm going to go with Lorelei Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah.

I had the box DVD collection. Yeah, that's Lauren Graham. Lauren Graham, baby. Let's go. I mean, look, she's a single mom. Yeah. Doing it on her own. Oh, yeah.

Raising a smart, beautiful daughter. They don't need no man except for the dude with the hat backwards at the. Luke. Luke. Luke. He made me wear my hat backwards before fucking Fred Durst did. I'll tell you that much. But, man, she is.

I just. I love. She doesn't want any of her parents' money. You know? She's trying to do that shit on her own. Richard and Emily. Yeah. Richard and Emily. I mean, when I was writing this down i was like wait do i

want to kiss rory or lorelei so it really came down to a panic decision right now i mean i the answer is lorelei my friend you chose right yeah the answer okay all right all right good rory is alexis pledell i did have a crush on her too. Alexis Bledel? Yeah, of course. But Lorelei is the way. But then immediately I think about Lauren Graham and what is it? Pat Santa. Is that what you're thinking of? A little more than kissing.

She's a beautiful woman. I couldn't take her because Dana just saw her at a restaurant and that would have been too close. There's a whole list of people you can't take because you're just too close to in real life. I'll kiss the shit out of her. I can't be like that girl you saw at dinner.

That's not somebody I can pick. Even though I've spent a huge chunk of my life watching Gilmore Girls. Never seen it. Another show I've never seen. I've heard that I would absolutely love that show as well. It's so good. Stars Hollow? I want to live in Stars

Hollow. I tried it, but I don't like the way they talk. They talk real fast. Amy Sherman Palladino is an acquired taste, and it's definitely cilantro. I get that. Tastes like soap to some people. It's like Aaron Sorkin with girls. It is. It like Aaron Sorkin with girls.

It is girl. It's, yeah. It's Aaron Sorkin for girls. Yeah. And I am that bitch. I love it. I can't get enough of it. She's a Gilmore girl.

Yeah, I'm a Gilmore girl. She owns a business. You know what I mean? She drives a Jeep. She's out here, dude. She's wonderful. Yeah. Just a hardworking lady. It's a guy named Max.

You know, that's good for my people. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and then your final pick which is a lightning round Fourth pick I have to go my favorite show as a child Again she's in high school But so am I in this I might even be younger But I'm picking Kelly Kapowski

Oh yeah It was crazy i was in elementary school i think and you're like what is going on with like is that a girl yeah what is that she was close you know you're like okay i get it but what's happened what has happened and that's are there girls like that in high school? I mean, it was shocking. And then people tried to hate when she got on 90210 and became Thickeny Amber Thiessen. Yeah.

Thickeny Amber Thiessen. I mean, I think she looked incredible, dude. She was in Ladies' Man. She played, I think, Will Ferrell's love interest in Ladies' Man. I watched that recently, and it's very funny, by the way. It's very funny. Well, it's like what? She never had

titties, really. And so then she got a little thick and then all she did was these huge titties and then you're like, oh good, Kelly Kapowski with big titties. Just what we all needed. Yeah, dude. It's the Omicron variant of Tiffany Amethyst. Yeah, it's just shocking where I was, you know,

it's just crazy because I think I was. I was like a fifth grader. But Kelly has a character too. She's like, she like works several jobs and she takes care of her family. She's like Polish as fuck. She's got like eight siblings and she's poor. Like, yeah. family she's like polish as fuck she's got like eight siblings and she's poor like yeah saved by the bell molded me when i was a kid i think it's i all i wanted to do was be

i wanted to go to bayside it was like i was a young little like european kid who said i was like i just want to go to bayside is that what high school is like yeah you're taking her to casimir pulaski day dinner no No, I had Zach on my list. I just couldn't. It's just too hard. It's too hard. Mark Paul. So yeah, Kelly Kapowski, Tiffany Amortheusen, and then last pick. No, no, no.

Not just yet, because before you get to that final pick, we have to take a second extremely short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You

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allfantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, a draft already in progress. Fictional characters we'd like to give a big ol' smooch-a-roo. Sean Jordan is about to kick off the final round. My last pick, gotta go from my heart, favorite movie of all time. In that

movie, there's a character doing a cover of Peter Frampton's Baby, I Love Your Way. Her name in the movie is Marie a character doing a cover of peter frampton's baby i love your way her name in the movie is marie de sal played by lisa bonet uh high fidelity i i it's the one where i'd be like i'm way too scared to kiss this woman she's she's intimidating i'd be shaking i'd be terrified yeah yeah you don't have it i don't know none of us have it but you don't have it but i'll tell you neither does neither does john cusack's character maybe you'll go in yeah that's the thing because cusack's character he doesn't have it either and he says it in the movie and he breaks it down he's like how did this happen you ask and then he breaks down the night and he's like i've created this

version of like a vulnerable lovable guy and it's somehow we just it just we just work the thing about cusack though though, is he was in Con Air. That's what you have to remember. There's a lot of people in Con Air, man. Chappelle's in Con Air. It's wild. Danny Trejo's in Con Air. Cusack's in Con Air wearing a suit with sandals, and that's why he kissed

Lisa Bonet. A lot of suit material. Her character is just cooler than everyone in that fucking movie. every single person. She has like a like a Dimebag Daryl hat almost. You're like, OK, what's going on with you? I don't know. She's like glitter kind of on her face.

She's like glittery. The only person cooler than her character is the actual Lisa Bonet. Yeah. Yeah. And the whole family's hot. It's like, what are we doing? Stop it. And then her kid, her kid does the remake. Yeah. Her kid does the remake.'s hot it's like what are we doing stop it and then her kid her kid does the

remake yeah her kid's in the remake yeah that's crazy it was really good which was really good oh i loved it she was great not the solomon georgia yeah solomon's episodes i was skeptical because it's my favorite movie of all time and uh it it really was it really really was really good held up to the movie just fine, I think. And I don't say that lightly. I love that movie. And I will say when it came out, I probably would list John Cusack's character

as someone I want to kiss because I was wrong and stupid and had bad taste in men. And now as an adult, I cannot stomach that. I'm like, you are a fucking dick, dude. It's Tim Robbins who you want to kiss. That's the guy. He's laying it down up there.

He handles his business, Tim Robbins. The first fictional character I ever saw named Ian. Rough for me. Shane, time for your final pick. Not Jewish. Decidedly not Jewishish all right well okay i speaking of jewish i think uh-huh i i've had a crush on this uh careful counselor careful okay uh i'm gonna go with Alana from Broad City.

I've been running the smoocher since the first time I saw the internet stuff before it became officially on Broad City. It was like YouTube clips. Oh, man. In the show, the character, she's open to all

kinds of shit. She's like, fuck it. Let's go. I bet that kiss will be sloppy. It'll like fucking weed might be hammered oh yeah we'll be hammered just fucking just mouth shit all day it'll lead into other stuff that's why i know i know she's game she's with it i mean if hannibal burris can get in there of course you know that's what i'm saying you know yeah she's sweet I'm saying. You know? Yeah. She's sweet too. She's like legitimately a very kind person. Yeah. I want to taste that.

Ian couldn't draft her because he's met her before. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I guess I have. Yeah. So I can't. How many of my picks do you, the people you actually know and met? Jesus.

He's kissed them all. Yeah. You've kissed them all. I've kissed them all, baby. I've kissed them all. I's kissed them all. I've kissed them all, baby. I've kissed them all. I've kissed them all. Poor man's Favreau is really getting around. Constantly tapping

Favreau. Hey, Favreau, let me end there, dude. Let me direct the rest of Chef, bro. I got it. Favreau pulls up. Ian's in my spot again. Let's switch lenses. Let's get an 8mm on this immediately. Leguizamo, take it up to 11, my friend.

Here we go. Action. Yeah, man. Yeah, we've all... Wasn't she on a Bridgetown once or something like that? Didn't we all? Yeah, we all kissed her. We all kissed her, yeah.

Well, great. Glad I'm the last one to get a chance of this since you guys all. I kissed Sean Patton at a Bridgetown one time. That was the extent of my Bridgetown kisses. I kissed Sean Patton. I never kissed anybody at Bridgetown in a way. Why would you? Didn't have sex with them either.

I kissed Sean Patton and got COVID. He really gave me COVID. Yeah, that was happening way before COVID, though. It happened like eight years ago. You got Cajun COVID. That's the best kind. Yeah. Amy, time for your final pick.

Okay, I got to put a lady in. okay i gotta i gotta um put a lady in um uh this character luscious lips on the person and also adorable character um jewels in super bad emma stone oh yeah oh yeah just the chillest and just her lips and just her personality and she's just like, I don't know, she's so funny with those nerds. But Emma Stone in really anything

I would make out with big time. Easy A. But that was like kind of our first like, who the fuck is this lady movie, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I don't know what she did before then. First time I ever saw her and Jonah Hill, really. I mean, he was tinily in 40 Old Verge. Anyway. yeah yeah yeah i don't know what she did before that first time i ever saw her and jonah hill really i mean he was tinily in um or 40 old verge anyway yes yeah he's selling those boots emma stone's fantastic and she's so good in that movie so she's so fucking charming like she's had a massive career and i just want more it's like give me more emma stone to be said for like also

you know there's she's the way she talks is so interesting it's not just me more Emma Stone and something to be said for like also you know there's she the way she talks is so interesting it's not just that she has cool lips it's like the way that she speaks is like something you want to kiss you know what I mean just shut up and kiss me but then also keep talking because I can listen to you talk forever

an old Hollywood raspiness to it too for somehow but that's making any sense yeah she's got like the Natasha Lyonne voice, but Natasha has been smoking since she was a child. Yeah. Yeah, raspiness, but then just like, I don't know. I can't describe it. Like the way her teeth and lips interact with each other.

Yeah, her mouth curls at the side a little bit. You're like, let me kiss that. I'll get in there and kiss that. And Jules was just so cool. So cute. So cool. It was so fun when they do kiss, you know. You're just like, oh, yes, finally.

That movie's so good. Kisses likes to kiss nice Jewish boys, you know. I know. I know. She does. He did it for us. If that movie had come out when I was in high school, I would have been a much more confident guy.

You needed Jonah. You were too young. I was too old. I was going to say Jesus. Yeah, okay. I was mixing up for a second. Time for my final pick. Little town.

It's a quiet village. Every day. Like the one before. Little town. Full of little people. Waking up to say. Bonjour. Bonjour.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour. I'm kissing Belle from Beauty and the Beast. Oh, nice. This is dad. Her crazy old dad. Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour Bonjour I'm kissing Belle From Beauty and the Beast Oh nice Nice This is dad

Her crazy old dad I'm kissing her old dad Crazy old Maurice Crazy old Maurice No I'm kissing Belle dude Just a Just a beautiful French girl

Into a Head in her books You know what I mean Are you kissing the Emma Watson Belle Or the animated Belle No the animated Belle dude Emma Watson can get Cocking off and yum as far as i'm concerned i'm kissing take a shit off a dock that's right yeah loves a big hairy beast yeah loves a big hairy beast

absolutely there you go willing to willing to wait around for a guy to figure it out you know doesn't mind that i have a talking clock it's fine everything's cool not personal to your life god yeah man for example no i was also the beast a patient bookish girl so slamming too just so slamming just hot as hell yeah everybody loves her they love her gaston loves her you know what i mean everybody butFou. He's got his eyes on someone else. But that's alright. Slamming is such a good term to describe how dank someone is. Oh, they're slamming.

I like it because it's general too. It's not like I'm talking about a certain kind of body. It's just like that is hot to me. You're fucking slamming. Getting it done. The win's a win. You're slamming. I love it. But yeah, give me Belle seven days a week, twice a week.

I like that. I love it. I like that. That concludes our portion of the draft. Marissa, do you have a fictional character you'd like to smooch? Yeah. This character, they're an emo bad boy, and I just really want to know how they kiss. I want to kiss Vegeta from Dragon Ball Z.

Whoa! Yeah, you do. Smooching Vegeta! know how they kiss i want to kiss vegeta from dragon ball z yeah i don't think he would be a good kisser but i'm just so curious i want to know how he smooches you gotta know i bet it's fine he's hot bad boy bad boy he's a bad boy uh marissa smooching. I left so many good ones out here. Yeah, just to recap. Sean, you went first. You took Pam, I mean Jolene. You took Allie from the Karate Kid. You took the Tooth Fairy. I did. You took Kelly Kapowski

and Marie Dessal. Shane, you went second. You took Dr. Jackson Avery, Ann Perkins, Topanga, Lorelei Gilmore, and Alana from Broad City. Amy, you went third. You took Dan Conner, Chris Chambers, Dr. Robert Leeds, Scotty J, and Jules from

Superbad. I went last. I took Karen from Goodfellas, Yoda, Marissa Tomei's Aunt May from Spider-Man, Lady Thor, and Belle from Beauty and the Beast. We left a lot of great ones on the board. Oh, God. Chewbacca.

Jessica Rabbit. Santa Claus. Yes. I had Mrs. Claus. Yeah. Mr. Darcy. Oh, which Mr. Darcy? All of them.

BBC miniseries. Bridget Jones Diary. Whoever he is in Joel's new movie. He's a hot dude. He's a hot dude. What tyler durden i had tyler durden on there oh oh that's a nice bad boy the d'angelos i had janine quinta brunson from abbott elementary oh there you go cutie and witchy woman from the song witchy woman by the eagles what's going on with her i I got Brad Pitt and Thelma and Louise, JD. Oh, yeah. Dumbledore?

I had Hermione Granger. Is that weird? No. No? Okay. I had Darth Vader. Darth Vader was my Star Wars pick just to see what Darth Vader... What, you kissed him in a helmet?

I just wanted to see what Darth Vader's about. I wanted to be around him. He takes the helmet off. He's gross. Yoda was better. Keanu Reeves in the Rush Rush video. Paul Abdul. Oh, yes.

When he gets up flat tire. What a hot video. You're right. Judi Dench in Cats. What's that like? Yeah. Marty McFly.

James Corden in Cats. There you go. What's going on? It's a psychodrama for me. Kissing the boss. Yeah, that's right. Space Ghost. Pumbaa. Space Ghost. Ohing the boss. That's right. Space ghost. Pumbaa.

Space ghost. He's so funny. Space ghost would be so tight. Yeah, he's fucking hot. I don't need him to take the mask off. Space ghost. No way, leave him on. Geroletto's the Joker.

No, he's not a comedian. Come on. I had Marley from Marley and Me because I just like a good dog smooch. A little like, yeah. That's a good one.ooch. A little like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Beethoven from Beethoven. Come on, get in here. That's a wet one.

If you want to hear yours, hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. On the AFE subreddit, on the AFE sheslackity. Shout out to super producer Marissa.

Out there smooching Vegeta. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to super producer Marissa. Out there smooching Vegeta. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Smooch clackety. There he is. that was a hate gun podcast