All Fantasy Everything - Fictional Characters You'd Want to Date (w/ Miel Bredouw, Zak Toscani, and M.K. Paulsen)

Episode Date: November 16, 2017

Today we're getting frictional with the fictional. Host Ian Karmel is joined by comedians Miel Bredouw, Zak Toscani and MK Paulson to draft fictional characters you'd want to date. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that settled in real nice on a Sunday morning. Just up in the cut, hella chilled out. We aren't, but we could all be wearing flannel pajamas. Ooh, flannel pajamas, that's a fun way to say. You can all be wearing flannel pajamas. Ooh, flannel pajamas. That's a fun way to say. You can all talk before I introduce you.

Flannel pajamas. There is a nice campfire going. There's a nice campfire in the corner. Yeah. Hot cocoa. A squirrel has brought us some hot cocoa. Yeah. There's a chickadee.

I don't know if I've ever seen a chickadee in my whole goddamn adult life. Chickadee big fucking mood right now. Chickadee dee dee dee dee. That's what they make that noise, right? Oh, those are the birds? Chickadee dee dee dee dee. So if you ever hear that, that's us drafting. It's that podcast. Remember us.

Yeah, remember us for that. We are joined today. I'm just going to introduce you all real quick, and then we'll go around real slow again. Mia Albreto. Hi. Nice, yeah. Your signature greeting. M.K.redo. Hi. Nice, yeah. Your signature greeting. M.K. Paulson.

Yes. Zach Toscani. Oh, that was really nice. High energy. Yeah. Zach Toscani. Oh, hello. It's a warm morning tonight.

Oh, hell yeah. A man with an actual catchphrase. I feel like I'm going to do an NPR show. It's not a warm morning. It's what's nice, actually. It's kind of a medium morning. Yeah, medium. Medium not a warm morning. It's what's nice, actually. It's kind of a medium morning. Yeah, medium. Medium morning.

Medium morning. Yeah, we're gathered here today to do a fantasy draft. Miel, at Miel on Twitter. Yeah, at Miel Monster and everything else. There it is. Because I couldn't get it. What do you got coming up? Oh, if you have just Miel on Instagram, give it up.

I got just Miel Monster. I know. At Miel on Instagram, it's a dead account got just Miel Monster. I know. At Miel Instagram, it's a dead account. They've never posted anything. Isn't that... How long can Instagram just let that go for? And like Twitter. It feels like a personal attack on me.

John Gabrus wants just Gabrus. And like the Gabrus account hasn't tweeted for seven years. Twitter will do it. They will? That's how they got me Miel. Oh, were you Miel Monster before? Yeah. And I was like, can I just have Miel?

And they were like, we'll see what we can do. Yeah. But only, I guess, when you know a guy. Where you're like, it could be my birthday and my Christmas present. I'll post every day for you, I swear. I can't announce anything yet, but I'm about to. Oh. So follow me online and find out.

Keep an eye on Miel's digital spaces. Yeah. On her, Miel on Twitter, Miel Monster on Instagram. Ooh, what is it? I can't tell. Break it right now. I can't. This isn't out until Thursday.

It won't be out by Thursday. Damn it. It'll be by December. Say it in Spanish. No, gracias. Oh, okay, okay. Until then, people can go check out your youtube page yeah i got youtube videos i got all kinds of content i'm honestly just a fucking machine you're a machine i'm a machine yeah and it's mildly entertaining it's my it's it's i can

vouch for that thank you i'll watch your videos and then be like, oh, yeah. Okay. Maybe one of these. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that only felt like four minutes. I'll be like, Zach will be in the other room and I'll be like, Zach. And he'll be like, huh? I'll be like, Zach, no, no. It's not good enough. Just mildly.

Yeah. That's where I'm at. No, they're super, super funny. MK Paulson. Hey. MK Paulson on Twitter. Yeah, at MK Paulson, S-E-N. Yeah, S-E-N. Yeah. What about on Instagram? It's the same, MK Paulson MK Paulson on Twitter Yeah At MK Paulson S-E-N Yeah

S-E-N Yeah What about on Instagram? It's the same MK Paulson There it is MK Paulson Cross platform

Cross platform Oh yeah baby What do you got coming up? Well I do a weekly show Frogtown 7pm Sunday nights Come out It's real hoot

Frogtown Z boys Yep It's tonight I'm doing it tonight Ian's doing it tonight and doing it tonight but when you're hearing this i won't i will have done it it will have been in the past and it was great and it was so good it was really good crushed yeah crushed yeah i did uh i did a tight hour on just everything in the zeitgeist yeah i covered it all where's where's that's in los

angeles where's the uh it's in a neighborhood called Frogtown at 2902 Gilroy Street. It's the Cafecito Organico Roasting Facility. Yeah. We do do a show in the parking lot of the coffee roasting complex. There's a great show. Very LA. So chic. We got free hot dogs, baby.

Come out. Are there pallets around? Yes. Yeah. There's two dumpsters by the stage. Yes. I want to do a holiday show where we put everybody brings in ornaments to decorate

the dumpster. A beautiful Christmas dumpster. I want to do a full holiday tree scape on the stage for the Christmas show. We should throw eight Molotov cocktails in the other one for Hanukkah. It'd be so fun. It's a great show. There's free hot dogs,

watermelon, beers, LaCroix's let me say no more yeah do you have any road dates coming up anytime soon no nothing on the books

Simon Gibson and I are doing we're doing a show at the clubhouse here in LA oh yeah on November I need to double check

the datey date I think it's it's the Tuesday after Wednesday after Thanksgiving what would that be? That'd be the 27th, 28th? Something like that. Yeah, we're doing half hours working on some material,

trying to get a big showing out, so that'll be fun. There we go. Come to that too if you're in Los Angeles. And I just started a new job as a tour guide. Oh, how do you like to talk about that for a minute? Where are you doing tours at? I do tours on the Sony lot. It's great. It the Sony lot. Yeah.

It's great. It's a lot of fun. Are you in costume? No, it's, I wish. No. Well, we have a Sony t-shirt. That counts. Yeah.

It's fun. I don't know. It's a good time. I, but so yeah, I'm not going out of town for a while because I'm doing tours. Do you have any fun little tour jokes yet? Yeah. I do have, well, so yeah, yeah i think i'm i'm still just kind of going through training kind of wrapping up training but the other tour guides do a joke where it's like guys this is an active lot you know if you see trucks or blah blah blah be sure to get out of

the way and likewise if i'm walking backwards and you see you know a truck coming be sure to let me know and i tried one time to be like guys if you see me walking backwards at a truck coming my way please just let it hit me uh nothing the audience the guests were terrified they were just like yeah it was like too dark is he doing suicide you forget yeah comedy paints it such that you can just do suicide jokes yeah and then i've done that at my, the day job I have here too. Yeah, it doesn't translate. Come on, the general public doesn't like suicide jokes. No.

It really pops up like a red flag, like, well, if we need to talk about this, we can. And you're like, no, I was just, you know, doesn't everyone want to die? Yeah. Come on, man, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the worst when you try to do,

bring a stand up bit and do a life bit but it's also like it's so easy like they're easy audience it's like they'll laugh at just like

like they do we make them watch a little 15 minute movie and then we're always like alright we'll be back in three hours die

when you're like oh like anyway it's just that you can't translate that to your stand up routine yeah I know I wish you could just walk off the stage and be like I'll be back in three hours

If you have a puppet do it Then you're Jeff Dunham Throw in some racism Puppet work on the tour that'd be fun You should get a puppet It would kind of maybe be fun to be I could see being a tour guide being pretty fun Like well if you see Tom Hanks folks you can freak out

If you see Jim Hanks, let him go. He's just a normal guy. He's an electrician. No relation. No relation, folks. And we're moving. And we're moving. I've had to do audience warm-up a couple times for the Late Late Show.

And yeah, they're just the easiest crowd in the world. They want to laugh so much. They came to laugh. Yeah. You're like, who came from the furthest? And much. They came to laugh. Yeah. You're like, who came from the furthest? And people are like, we're from Australia.

We're like, that's pretty far. And the whole crowd's like, yeah. He's right. It is far. It's far. Hey, Janus.

Hey, Janus, this guy's right. He's right. It's funny. It was far. It's true. This is not a planet. Our whole crowd is people from the 1950s

oh boy i'd love to take a dirigible to australia yes so today we are we are here to draft uh oh i'm so sorry zach no i i melt melt right in like the marshmallow to the hot cocoa Oh, I like that You're the cheddar cheese on the toasty bread That's exactly how I think of you, too Thank you, a melted marshmallow Add Zach Disconi on Twitter

Add Zach Disconi on Instagram What do you got coming up, honey? I am doing two shows in Cincinnati December 26th and 27th. Oh. At MOTR, which is a bar in Over the Rhine, the happening spot. What does MOTR stand for? Great question.

I don't know. Mother of the Resistance. It's an anti-fascist bar. It's got to be something over the Rhine, because that's what OTR stands for. Oh, yeah. That's like a hipster area? Well, there used to be a canal in downtown Cincinnati that we had a lot of German immigrants

and it looked like the Rhine River. No thanks. Send them back. Send them right on back. There's something wrong with my salad. I'm going to have to send this back. Something wrong with this sauerkraut salad. But your boy's doing like 45 minutes.

I love that. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, dude. It's kind of my first time headlining, yeah. Going back home. Going back home. Yeah, family and friends. So if you're around, please come out.

We'd love to have you. And then January 4th through the 6th, I will be featuring for your boy, Shane Torres, helium comedy. The sampler platter himself. Portland, Oregon. I have seen him blowing up on my Facebook through all of my random hometown friends. Really?

Loving his shit. Like every day. Like the Guy Fieri bit? Yeah. I've seen it shared like over a hundred times. That's exciting. He is the Guy Fieri comic when you think about it. He is the Guy Fieri comic.

America's premier Guy Fieri comic. He's our Guy Fieri comic. He put out an article, like was interviewed and was like, I don't want to be the Guy Fieri comic. Very early our Guy Fieri comic. He put out an article, like, was interviewed and was like, I don't want to be the Guy Fieri comic. Very early. I think you do, though. Yeah. That's a good brand, and that'll get you far.

Yeah, it's totally fine. And also, Guy Fieri recently was, like, helping out fire victims. He was, like, cooking them barbecue or something. Guy Fieri's out there proving Shane a prophet. Yeah. For real. He was there in Santa Rosa, yeah. The prophecy is true.

He was in an airplane dumping donkey sauce on the wildfires. The bay doors would open. A Bernays. Hey, I'm only for flames on my shirt. Yeah. Not in the wild. Chefs. And then Jose Andres came out and cooked over a million meals for people in Puerto Rico, too.

Is he still there? I feel like he's still there. I think he's still there. The food was so good that I burnt myself and then walked out just to get some of that barbecue. Too soon. And also, wrong natural disaster. We had moved

down to Puerto Rico. We were on molecular gastronomy now. Chef Jose Andres. I'll be honest, my fucked up brain, because I obviously am hugely supportive of that and donated a million times, but at the same time, man, it's too bad he's just doing sandwiches. They should get that cotton candy inversion shit that he does at his restaurant. It looks like a rock, but it actually tastes like the most delicate pea soup you've ever

had. Because it's fucking insane. His restaurants are crazy. Have you been to one? Yeah. What? He has extensive vegan options, and he does an olive. It's not an olive though.

It's just olive oil that's somehow suspended in a real form so when you put it in your mouth it just explodes. I love that goofy shit. It's so cool. I went to, oh god, Heston Blumenthal's restaurant in London called Dinner. And there's this thing called the meat fruit

and it comes out and it looks like the best tangerine you've ever seen in your life. And then you cut into it and it's like this delicious pate. It's so good. Inside an orange? Yeah. Is the orange whole? No, it's like this fondant. It's like not an actual orange. It just looks like an orange. I love it.

I love when food pretends to be other foods. It's fun. It's so fun. I just had a cracker that pretended to be a koala. Oh, yeah. Call back to five minutes ago. We did have these little koala crackers. Super producer Marissa gave us. I'm still eating them.

Yeah, MK's still working on them. They're hearing me munching on them. Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel Across Platforms. Yeah, and I'm going to be this weekend. When you're hearing this, tomorrow night I'll be at the Come and Take It Comedy Festival in Houston, Texas. And we'll also be doing a live All Fantasy Everything there. Guests to be determined. But hopefully we'll have Solomon Giorgio on there.

And then, oh, in December 22nd, Portland, Oregon,regon revolution hall me uh i'm doing my new hour half an hour about donald trump and then half an hour to make you forget about donald trump it's the world premiere of the new hour and sean jordan will be there as well tickets are going fast though so they're i mean uh snap them up now hell yeah hell yes so i've got that going on watch the late late show listen to all fantasy everything buy my album twitter yeah follow fuck with me on twitter i'm on there talking about gout it's fun I've got that going on. Watch the Late Late Show. Listen to All Fantasy Everything. Follow you on Twitter. Yeah, fuck with me on Twitter. I'm on there talking about gout.

It's fun. Great tweets, man. Yeah. Quality tweets. And so today, now I can get to it. We are gathered here to date fictional characters you'd like to date. Fakilds. Like milf, but fakilds.

I'd like to date, yeah. Fakilds. Fakilds. Like milf, but Fachilds? Fasilds. I'd like to do, yeah. Fakilds. Gafiltafish. We're drafting Gafiltafish today. And to determine the order of the draft, it's determined by a rollicky game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. Okay.

And we go on rock, paper, scissors, and then shoot. And here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, and then shoot, and here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, Miel wins. Miel wins. He's winning! You just might be in the odd man out. Okay. Or the odd woman out. Thank you. Representation matters.

Even though you are a male comic. Your next male comedian coming to this stage. Check the Twitter bio, it's there. Miel, what would you like the order of the draft Twitter bio. It's there. Yeah, it is my Twitter bio. Mia, what would you like the order of the draft to be? And I'll remind you, it is a serpentine draft. I would like to be second.

Okay. And you know what? Since I've never met you, MK, I want you to go first. Oh. I want a good first impression. Learn a little bit about MK. Yeah. I'm wearing my palates on.

It's sophisticated. It's you guys. You have these nice, like, boating loafers on, so I trust you immediately. I have worn shorts and stained t-shirts every day this week, so I wouldn't worry about me being sophisticated. I had to throw out some shirts, too many stains this week. That's not important. I'm like, those would

be my gym shirts. No, they had character, though. The stains? Yeah. The character is Guy Who Loves Salsa. Yeah. I play that dude every day of my life. That's a good character. That's a good character. Yeah, I like that guy. So MK and then me, Al, and then Zach and I.

And then let's keep it easy, Ian, Zach. Cool. All right. Sorry, Zach. No, no, it's fine. I got back-to-back picks. As it is. Serpentine draft.

A serpentine draft. So with the first pick and the fictional characters I'd like to date, the gefilte fish draft, MK Paulson, you are on the clock. Okay, number one. Yes. M.K. Paulson chooses Remy the Rat from Ratatouille. Oh my God! Yeah.

I had him on my list! Did you really? Yes! He's the best! Oh my God! So he's a best oh my god so he's a good chef I haven't seen Ratatouille

neither have I I'm completely lost you haven't seen Ratatouille you haven't seen it no go watch it now let's end the podcast I hate Ratatouille

no I know I love Ratatouille I'm dying to hear your logic no please well okay so the movie Ratatouille I am convinced and I would assume

in other circles as well there's kind of like uh there's subtle gay themes in there of like you know like like remy feels like he doesn't belong in like his particular group that he was raised in and he kind of like ventures out on his own and then he lives in paris i always i want to date a chef. I think that's my dream is to marry a chef that has a restaurant. I see that for you. Yeah. Yeah. Because, and it's also doing standup.

It's like the perfect combination of like, they work nights and have weird hours too. But they're also an artist, but not the same kind of artist. Alcohol. Yeah. Alcohol. I'm a former chef turned comic. Yeah. I went to culinary school. I was a sous chef at a restaurant. This was my life. Yeah. You don't a former chef turned comic. Yeah. I went to culinary school.

I was a sous chef at a restaurant. This was my life. Yeah. You don't want to date a chef. Yeah, they're all nuts. They're all alcoholics. They're all workaholics and they have no emotional intelligence. Movie chefs are great.

Movie chefs. Oh yeah, like Bradley Cooper. That's why he's so great. Yeah. Because the chefs are so lovable. Even Janine Garofalo's character and you're like, look, you're a bad bitch, but it makes me like you more. I just, and he's like a nice guy.

He's got a talent. He's like really believes in what he's doing. He's changing the world. I mean, yes, that's weird, but. Like, are you also a cartoon rat in this date? No, he has to be MK. I'm MK. There's no, there's no shame shifting.

What's the sex like with the rat? I don't. He just scurries around your penis. He just scurries around. The rat's laps really fast. It doesn't feel creepy. And Rainey can talk so he can consent. It's not bestiality.

Right, exactly. He's also a cartoon. If he were a rat that was made or a puppet or something, I feel like that'd be a little more weird. But he's a cartoon. And it could be non-sexual, too. Because I even feel like, I don't remember the character's name, but the guy whose head he lives on top of. There's some chemistry there.

So you can't go to his place. Yeah, Linguini is the name of the guy whose head he lives on top of. Oh, I'm a big rat head. Ratatouille head. So he's coming to your place a lot. Yeah, he's coming over. And he's'm a big rat head. Ratatouille head. So he's coming to your place a lot. Yeah. He's coming over. He's coming over. He's cooking you a beautiful meal.

Yeah. Which, well, I guess he wouldn't eat that much of, so you'd get to eat a ton and you'd get leftovers. Oh yeah. Which is a huge. Does he have a specialty in the movie?

Like, does he cook anything in particular? Ratatouille. He makes at the end. That's like the, the, the, And it looks good as fuck.

And I hate squash. And I was like, no, I hate that. I know. I mean like. Do we have squash in it? It's a squash. And I was like, no, I hate that. Yeah, I know. I mean like. Do we have squash in it? It's a squash dish?

It's like summer squash tomato. Squash dish. One of my dream dates is to like have somebody over and we watch Ratatouille and make Ratatouille. Oh my God. Wouldn't that be great?

And then maybe if that goes well down the line, he cosplays, well, in the bedroom. In the bedroom. Yeah. I'm just like not at all

interested in the date and I'm like, Remy, please come. I have these ears if you're comfortable. I'm just not at all interested in the date and I'm like, Remy, please come. Have these ears if you're comfortable. I will say, I feel like for Remy it's more of an emotional connection I feel to him. I don't know that the physical connection is there. You don't know what's needed though.

This could be a late in life relationship. When you're no longer, like, sex is not important to you. You're best friends who wear thick sweaters together and you show your love through cooking for each other and listening to each other and nice conversations

and maybe bathing each other depending on how old you are no I will say an animated rat could clean you probably pretty well it's getting in the crevices

that you may not always crevices that's true although are we assuming he'll live forever or do you just like you anticipate having your heart broken in five years

uh I assume he's gonna live the lifetime of a Although, are we assuming he'll live forever? Or do you anticipate having your heart broken in five years? I assume he's going to live the lifetime of a human male. Okay. He could be doing the heartbreaking as well. No, you would leave him? I'd never leave him. No, you'd never leave him. What if he starts abusing alcohol and gets a whole sleeve of tattoos? But he's just already been through so much.

I don't think he'd do that. And he protects his family. He protects his family even when they don't really believe in him and he like tries to really believe that they're going to

come around and they do. It's his brother or whatever. Yeah. He's just like gross and rude and he still loves him. Yeah. Like the guy's got his heart

in the right place. All right. All right. You'll have to save my word for it. You've had yourself a good one. That's a good one. Remy the rat scurrying around your penis.

Reeking of broth. Oh my God. Miel Breda. Breda. It is time for your first pick. Okay. This may be contentious and I'm willing to debate it if anyone has issue with it. Okay.

But I have to go hard and I got to choose Ziggy Stardust. Ziggy Stardust. Yeah. I can all allow that. Yeah. I think that counts as a fictional character. Yeah. He has a backstory.

He's not real. Of course, yes, this means I want to date David Bowie. But you're not getting David Bowie. Specifically, I want the androgynous alien that like advocates for bisexuality. That's kind of more what i am interested in yeah because it's like the best of both worlds you know like as a queer woman that's

my dream earth and mars i get a little man i get a little lady i get him in one person i never have to feel like i'm betraying my people again you think ziggy stardust has a penis you know i don't know and i don't care that's the truth truth. I love that. It's not about that. No, I'm just like, you know what? You're fucking so sexy to me. I just mean, not even in terms of you wanting to date him for that reason or not. Just a pure philosophical

discussion. I never really thought about it. I feel like he has like both. Right? Because he's an alien, right? Or like it's a... I'm not going to go there. Can I design it? Yeah, I'm trying to to go there. You're going to design it? Yeah, I'm trying to design Ziggy Stardust's penis, which has an ability, and I'm sorry if this grosses anyone out.

It can turn inside out. I think it can go... I think the penis can completely tuck inside the foreskin, creating almost an elephant trunk of a vagina. I just watched The Shape of Water, the Guillermo del Toro movie. I don't think it's come out yet. Stop bragging.

There's an alien. I didn't like it for the record. I did not like it. But the alien, there's an alien in that and they have a similar thing. Do they? With the animals. Me and Guillermo del Toro always thinking about alien dicks. We get together and talk about it.

Plus, he's a fucking rock star. He is a rock star. And the problem why you never want to date a rock star is because they're fucking assholes. Right. They're like, they're, first of all, probably drug addicted, probably sex addicted, and also just like don't have any regard for anyone because they think they're the best. I don't think Zygostartuses like that. I think they, I should say, they're androgynous, are down to earth as fuck.

And I'm like, okay. So obviously fuckable. Right. And also marryable. Okay. You think you could marry eventually Ziggy Stardust? Are you kidding? Yeah. Are you kidding?

Do you think he could? I mean, he's out there hanging out with the spiders from Mars. Do you think you could compete with him? If he is, I'm invited. Okay. You know, I could be one of the spiders too. Oh, you're going to become one of the spiders? Oh.

Maybe. I could. Maybe just hang with the dogs, you know? Yeah. I don't know. In my head, it seems nice. I wonder where this date would take place. Where would Ziggy Sardust want to... Space. Just floating through space? What if Ziggy Sardust just took you to like a soup plantation?

Like at 4pm. I'd be so psyched. They have a great option. Are you kidding? I could get soup, salad, frozen yogurt, bread. I actually have coupons for Sizzler. I mean, I'm not sayinged. They have a great option. Are you kidding? I could get soup, salad, frozen yogurt, bread. I actually have coupons for Sizzler. I mean, I'm not saying we have to. So he's money savvy. Bring it on.

I like it. Would you, in this situation, like up your, would you dress like a space alien as well? The way that. You know, sometimes I do. Yeah. I've always had, i've always had kind of been made fun of for my clothing because like depending on the day i just just like a different person yeah yeah yeah there's no central theme no yeah and it's always made me feel a little weird

because i feel like everyone tries to you know put you in a box and you're like no sometimes i just want to dress like a toddler yeah other days i want to dress like you know a chic hollywood babe like i don't know which is different strokes for different folks, man. And I don't feel like Ziggy would judge me for that. I don't think so. I think Ziggy would be on board. He'd inspire me to even be more myself. And he's got David Bowie's hot, hot bod.

Yeah. And those teeth. I don't know why. I love his teeth. You're maybe getting a song written about you. Oh, my God. Right? Can you imagine?

And if we have kids, oh, my God. Can he have kids? I don't know. He's an alien. The first few days- You'd have galaxies. Yeah. The first few dates would be fun.

I worry about the eighth date with the Ziggy Stardust. Because the magic would wear off? Or are you just exhausted? Is he sitting there at the table just talking about Jupiter or whatever? He's like, you know, when I was a young cyborg living in the seventh ring of Orion. Yeah. You're like, I just want to talk about my day. I had a long day.

I just wanted to go to the flea market. Yeah. Honestly. Maybe true. Good point. Would you stop touching the ground and making flowers grow? Nobody's impressed anymore. It's annoying.

And also all your friends would be like, is Ziggy coming? And you're like, do I not matter anymore? Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very true. So you have a plus one. Yeah.

Okay. I stand by my pick, but good points. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just pointing out where the- You'd always have to be like the normal one. Where the potential drawbacks are. You would always have to. It would be really hard for you to shine sometimes.

Sometimes I want to be the artist. Right? Exactly. Yeah. And you make Ziggy Stardust wear like a burlap sack, but he still pulls it off. Can you just not do the lightning bolt just one day? Yeah. Just one day.

Just once. Just fucking once. So maybe it's a date. The prompt is date, so maybe it is date. And then on the eighth date, it's like, yo, this is too much. I can't do this. Yeah. I love that David Bowie, just like a tangent, had to come up with a Ziggi.

Didn't have to. It was a Ziggy. Didn't have to. It was a cool thing. Didn't have to. Came up with a Ziggy Stardust character. Meanwhile, Elton John was just dressing that weird as Elton John. Yeah. And I'm just still Elton John. Yeah.

And was like dressing as crazy. Yeah, that's true. I love Elton John. That's why I like David Bowie more, though. Yeah, yeah. To be honest. Because he went for it. Maybe they were all aliens, like Liberace.

Oh, for sure. The lizard people that are in entertainment. Right. Oh, for sure. The fun lizard overlords and music. Ziggy Stardust, excellent pick. It is time for me to make my first pick. Oh.

Okay. All right. This is a throwback pick. This is going back to somebody like I wish I would have dated in high school. And I'm going to take Cher from Clueless. Oh, my God. Yes. That's great.

That was good. Dang it. Yeah. She was great. She was beautiful. She was so great. She was rich. Yep. So I She was so great. She was rich. Yep.

So I feel like she's picking up the checks when we're going out on dates. Yep. And then she also cared. She had a big heart. Yep. She was trying to raise money for the landslides in Malibu. She made Melanie whatever's character into a cool girl. Yeah.

Just for the goodness of her heart. She's a matchmaker. She put the teachers together. She intervened when the fucking dickhead harassed her friend. Right, exactly. Great dresser. Great dresser. Jew.

Oh, yeah. Cher Horowitz. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Lawyer dad. Lawyer dad. You have that in common. Yeah, we could talk about our lawyer dads together.

Yeah. Paul Rudd's around just on the periphery because guess what? You're keeping him at arm's length. Yeah. That whole weird thing never happened. That was a little odd. That was a little weird.

That was a little odd. I can't speak to it because maybe there's some pics down the line. No comment, no comment. Sure. But yeah. But that whole thing

was weird and it was a weird part of that movie where she like got with her ex-stepbrother. Yeah. But great outfits. Was it weird? Great outfits.

It wasn't. But again, great outfits. It never would have happened if I was there. What matters is that she's rich. She's rich. She loves her dad. Yeah, she does love her dad. She gets mugged so she has some life experience. Another thing I like, she's really worried about his health and is always trying to like slip into

healthy food there. She's super nice to the maid. I could use that in my life. Nice to the maid. Cher Horowitz is a goddamn sweetheart. Yeah. And I think she would be a delight to date.

She has strong relationships with her friends. Yeah. They have a good time together. She's been to the Valley. I live there. We know she's been there. She got dropped off

in that circus, Lickers. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So she doesn't like it but I feel like she'd be willing to come to Glendale. She'd probably give you a makeover. I would love that. That'd be? Yeah. So she doesn't like it, but I feel like she'd be willing to come to Glendale. She'd probably give you

a makeover. I would love that. That'd be so fun. I would love that. And I would watch Cat on the Hot Tin Roof with her or whatever. And she probably

would age really well. Oh, yeah. You know, because as she got older, she'd still dress great. Yes. But then she'd also get into wine and shit.

Oh, my God. You know? Absolutely. And then you'd get to just eat like a king without putting any work into finding the great foods. We'd have a place in Napa. Totally. Yeah. And then you'd get to just like eat like a king without putting any work into finding the great foods. We'd have a place in Napa.

Totally. Yeah. And she feels like she goes out a reasonable amount but stays in also a good amount. Yeah. I think she's got a really good balance. And then she like organizes a big group trip to go to like some place to help some natural disaster. Yeah.

Yeah. And there's like a ski lodge. Yes. Oh, there's definitely a ski lodge. There's a ski lodge. Oh, you're gonna- There's weekends a ski lodge. Yes. Oh, there's definitely a ski lodge. There's a ski lodge. There's weekends in Banff. But she like pays for like some impoverished family that can't afford it to go too. It's a matching thing.

And also there's carbon offsets for the jet world. This is all happening. And guess what? If it's a Jeep thing, she'd understand. I can't. She drives a Jeep. And I would be willing, she would never have to drive. I'd drive her everywhere.

Oh, but she wouldn't let you. That's true. She'd be like, sweetie, why don't you just take a nap in the back? And I would. Well, I'll pay someone too much money with benefits to drive both of us. I'd be back there reading Hebe or whatever. Yeah, she's just dope. She's like such a, she's such a cool, cool character. I think she'd be really fun to dope. She's such a cool character.

I think she'd be really fun to date. She's just a strong female character to a time where there wasn't a ton of those in movies. There weren't a ton. She cared about everything she did. Didn't at the time when that movie came out, she was seen as a really eccentric character? I remember her being seen as just kind of an idiot.

Everyone kind of wrote her off. But as you watch it now, you're like, that's a pretty nuanced, multi-layered character. They just focused on the whole as if. As if. Yeah, and the whatever thing. Side note, I did try to make a GIF a few months ago. I was going to be her.

And it just said, as GIF. And it took me three hours. Couldn't finish the job. I gave up. Somebody will make it now. Please send it to me. Who knows how to make either a gif or a jif, whatever your preferred nomenclature is.

And hit up MK on Twitter. People made, shout out to everyone, by the way, who made me the coat of arms. Oh, that was amazing. Yeah. I drafted stuff to do with a billion dollars, and I made a suit of armor with a coat of arms. Okay. And people made

the coat of carms. Oh my god! Shout out to all the different people who made that. People are so nice. Like, for every one person that's meeting me online, there's a hundred that are nice to me. Oh, yeah. Can I bring that up, by the way? Oh, totally. Somebody brought up on Twitter, they were adding me out, like, I hate when you're on

All Fantasy Everything. Tagged me. Tagged you in it. That's the funny part. It failed on so many levels. It was like, first of all, if you think that, keep it to yourself. It's a free podcast. That's not how the internet works, though.

I know. It never has been. We love our listeners. We love feedback. But just purely negative shit like that, we don't want to hear it, too. You're going to tag me out on that shit? And we don't want to hear it too you're gonna tag me on that shit fuck you dude like i was a viner so like internet hate is like i do not even bat an eye at it anymore but the thing that really stuck my eye is that he said her voice makes me want to rip my ears off and i was like don't give me blue balls rip

your fucking ears off don't tell me you're gonna do it and then not do it i don't give me blue balls. Rip your fucking ears off. Don't tell me you're going to do it and then not do it. I don't believe you anymore. Fucking rip them off. I hope he listens to this one and follows through, to be honest. And then tags me in a picture and is like, look what you did. And I'll be like, you played yourself. Fucking halfway Vincent Van Gogh-ass motherfucker. Honestly, this one goes out to the haters.

Suck my ass. suck that suck that ass sounds worse when i say it my ass i like the hype man yeah yeah yeah yeah suck her ass yeah you gotta suck that ass use a crazy straw for a very localized ass suck we need more suction over here on this ass. No. Nurse, can I get some suction? When you say suck my ass, and I don't know, I'm just being the collective you, do you picture that as the butthole?

No. The last two episodes have been so dirty. No, I don't either. I picture cheek. Well, I don't know. Maybe I just suck the shit out of my ass, and then you have to get a mouthful of shit. Oh, man. Yeah.

Sucker. Oh, put a snorkel. Oh, like a vacuum cleaner. Yeah. Like a reverse siphoning of like gasoline oh yeah it's just it's the meanest thing and it's also a vine wait are y'all reverse like taking gasoline out i've never done this that is how you stay rich. But yeah, Cher is my first pick. Cher Horowitz. That's a good one.

Zach, it's time for your first and second picks. Okay. First pick. I'm going Mona Lisa Vito. Marissa Tomei's character from My Cousin Vinny. Oh, yeah. Her biological clock is ticking. Are you ready to be a father?

I might be for her. I like that. She is so hot. So hot. So hot. So hot. Very smart. She wins the case at the end.

Her expert testimony wins the case. That's so unassuming. She's not pretentious. She's not pretentious. No. Ton of auto mechanics. So if my car's ever got auming. She's not pretentious. She's not pretentious. No. Ton of auto mechanics. So if my car's ever got a problem, that's fixed. That's on the most basic level of this thing.

What kind of car do you drive? You need a lot of money. She knows about Kias, I'm sure of it. Can I bring my 2009 Ford Fusion? I think there's mud in my tires. But she is anti-hunting. Yes. Very staunchly anti-hunting. Yeah. Yes.

Very staunchly anti-hunting. I don't know. She's just, she stands up for herself. And their dynamic in that movie, their relationship was one of like, where they kind of both. I really liked the fact that she would kind of give me shit. And like, I'm trying to find the right right way it's okay spit it out what is it she'd bust your balls yeah i want i want someone to be like like call me a piece of shit you know what i mean like that kind of stuff where it's like get out of get out of bed you piece of shit

it's like 10 a.m i need i want to i want some tough love she'd still love you but it would be like uh she'd speak truth to power. Absolutely. I love that, yeah. And she's Marissa Tomei again. She's Marissa Tomei the whole time. She won the Oscar for that, right? Yeah.

She's the best supporting actress? I've never seen her in anything. I haven't been like, I love you. Yeah, the wrestler, she was beautiful. And that was a couple years ago. Oh, yeah. Cyrus? Marissa Tomei is eternal.

Yes. Yeah. She read and understood the law book in like why he was out hunting. Yeah. She figured out what disclosure was. That's the kind of woman I need. She's quick. Yes.

She's quick as fuck. Yeah. He even remarks like, you already know that? Like he is the lawyer. He's the one who passed the bar. Nah, she's a savant, dude. That's what she is and like oh man i like kind of that like she's new jersey like that new jersey kind of guido-y yeah italian yeah you know what i mean i'm going into

like she's dominating my life i have as the you know my my mother is like an italian but from portland oregon my dad is a jew from brooklyn So I'm raised mostly to be fairly... I'll go to 100 pretty quick, but then go right back to zero. And for me, that's a normal thing to do. And I've had trouble in relationships where it's like going to 100 is a thing that's

not... It's like, that means we just had a big fight. You're like, no, it's just Tuesday. Yeah, it's like, yeah, no, I'm just like. Passionate. I'm excited about everything. I'm excited about like loving you. And then I'm also excited about, you know, like.

I think that's pretty normal for creative people. Do you think? Okay, good. I've experienced that a lot. I'm that way too. Maybe that's what it is. Yeah. You're just like, you're really hot.

Right. For no reason. Anytime I've been around, I'm like, let's get, let's like plow through this problem. Yeah. Yeah. And like, really? Like, I'm bad at being a simmer. I can't crockpot a relationship.

No, no, no, no, no. And I always find that if- You gotta flambé. Marissa Tomei can't either. No, she can't. And if people dip to 100, you see what their 100 is. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Right. It's way scarier. I'm more scared of the people who are always even-keeled, and then you're like, you're the person who kills someone. What's hiding in there. Yeah. In my experience, that's been true. The dudes that I've dated that I've been up front, What's hiding in there. Yes. In my experience, that's been true. The dudes that I've dated

that I've been like up front, all right, he's like, he's a chill guy. When they snap, oh my God. It's scary, right? They snap

and you're like, I gotta go. You're a psychopath. It's like a Christian Bale character from American Psycho. Oh yeah. Patrick Bateman. That's like that person.

Who I'm gonna pick. I just love the murder. Those relationships are like Splash Mountain where it's like, this is fun. Look at all these little critters having a good time. That's so true. Critters all singing, dancing, just everyone's like, whoa, now what the fuck is happening? Every time I ride that ride, I'm like, this isn't as bad as I remember it. This is cute.

And then the last drop, I'm like, this isn't as bad as I remember it. Yeah, this is cute. And then the last drop. Yeah. I didn't sign up to get fucking soaking wet. I have eight hours left at Disneyland. Exactly. I want a Space Mountain relationship where it's, you know, pretty consistent. I'm kept in the dark, but it's fun. I'm seeing the bright lights.

I trust my head won't get cut off by a rogue piece of equipment. I like that one guy. Not a bad way to go. Like that one guy. There was that guy in the last 10 years who got decapitated by Space Mountain. Man, I worked at an amusement park, and there was a story of a guy who got on a ride with ... He had a broken neck. He had a halo on, and they're like, sir, you cannot... No, and he was like, let me go.

And he didn't make it, but that's how he wanted to go. Maybe they let him go on the ride. I mean, it's all teenagers who are like, right. Running that stuff. So this guy was like in his forties.

So it's like, what are you going to do? Okay. So the, we will think that he probably was trying to die. Either that or he loved that ride. And it was like the shittiest ride at that park. It was like one,

it was like 30 years old. I want to pour a 40 over that guy tonight. Oh, what was that called? I think it was like the shittiest ride at that park. It was like 30 years old. I want to pour a 40 over that guy tonight. Oh, what was that called? I think it was called Vertigo. If you're a Kings Island, if you still go to Paramount's Kings Island in suburban Cincinnati. But Mona Lisa Vito. I think getting decapitated on an amusement park ride would be a great way to die. It'd be immediate.

It'd be immediate. Lopped it right off and you're gone. They definitely have the last picture of you. Yeah. Taken. What if it's taken after, though? But that's a great picture for everyone else. Is it?

Halloween. Do you want to see that? Did you go to Rotten.com as a child? I did. Me and my friends did. It sucked. go to like rotten.com as a child? I did. Me and my friends did. It sucked. I hated it. Excessive real life

snuff films. Although it'd be funny if that happened on Splash Mountain because like if you were in the second row because the two people in front of you

would be like, yay! And everyone behind would be splattered and blood like, no! You just have the two people up front completely unaware.

The people on the bridge, they get hit with the head. Right, yeah. My hot dog. And then if it bridge, they get hit with the head. Right, yeah. My hot dog. And then if it was a water ride too, your head would be floating around. Yeah, bobbing around. The lazy river. You're still smiling.

I like to think it gets knocked all the way into the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and then they can't find it. It just becomes part of it. I can't find it. There's so many decapitated pirate heads floating around here. Floating around in the water. Actually bleeding blood. In the Bobbin for Pirate Head exhibit. Okay, Zach, that is your first pick.

Yes. Mona Lisa, Vito, and for your second pick. Second pick. Oh, boy. Okay. Well, we were talking about how some of these are going to be really telling. My second pick is Amy Dunn,

Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl. Oh my God. Holy shit. Yes. Whoa, buddy. Yes. Really? Yes.

I want someone to frame me for murder. Okay. I want someone to ruin my life. I think that's all that needs to be said. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving on to the next. No, I'm just joking. It's a very weird pick, for sure.

Why? Do you want like a worthy adversary? What is the? No, not an adversary. I, for some reason, when at the end of that movie, when Ben Affleck now has to play the part for the rest of his life. Yes. Whatever she tells him to do. Can you remind me what happened?

I only read the book. Okay. So they had like a nice early romance. They get married. They lived in New York. Great romance. Then he moves. They do have a great romance.

Then he moves to Missouri. He starts cheating. Like the sheen has gone off. He's cheating on her with the younger gal. I don't know if he works with her or what the situation is. She finds out, and then she plans the elaborate, like, I'm going to pretend that he killed me. I'm going to disappear.

He's going to go to jail and be murdered. He, of course, figures some of it out, and then she comes back. And when she comes back to him after she had killed Neil Patrick Harris, who is really obsessed with her, he clearly sees that she is capable of anything. And he's like, I'm going to tell everyone. And she basically breaks it down like, well, that's not going to happen because this, this, and this. So you're going to play the part. You're going to be the husband. What's the part? That you didn't marry?

No, that you're the dutiful husband that loves me. Because that's how she comes back as he goes on national TV. And he's like, she's the love of my life. I miss her so much. Blah, blah, blah. So what's the story then for why she left? What's the cover story? He was cheating on her.

Oh, her cover story was she faked her own death. And she just dipped out of town. So when the news story comes back, they're like, oh, don't worry. She didn't die. He didn't kill her. She was just on an unprompted vacation. Oh, no. They were interviewing about, because he was going to be put on trial.

And they were asking about his wife. And he was like, I love my wife. She's doing all the, and he was codedly talking to her, because he knew that she was obviously still alive at that point. But yeah, but under the guise of a memorial thing. But the things that he said to her brought her back, and she was like, oh, now you're willing to play the part of the husband what the fuck zach it's a great question the more you explain the more i'm like this sounds so play the part i'm looking at a vanity fair article why gone girls amy dunn is the most disturbing female villain of all time even fbi veterans are amazed by it. I just don't get it. I want someone to make me play the part.

But then you're secretly an asshole in this scenario. Control my life. Well, no, I'm not. Because she would have done it to you if you weren't. Well, right, but I'm going on a date with her, so I don't know what. I'm not Ben Affleck in this scenario. I'm still me. She's just her. Do we think she was crazy the whole time or did the situation-

Dictate her actions. Yeah. That's a good question. I didn't get that from the book at all. She was a little nuts, right? Didn't she have issues with her parents kind of? Well, she was- Oh, she was the subject of their books.

Yes. Oh, the kid books. Yeah, that's right. And so she hated always being compared to a fictional. So I'm dating a fictional character based on a fictional character who's had a fictional character based on her. Oh, okay. Look at all that.

Let's relax. It's Sunday morning. Layers to that onion. I mean, this is a terrifying situation. Sure. You want to be in a potentially mentally abusive relationship is what you're saying. Yes. Yes.

Do you like the... Is it the intensity of it? It's not, I mean, I'm clearly making a little bit of a joke, but I do like the idea of someone. I don't know who you are. Someone, someone. I'm a character in a game. No, no, no. I think you want to spend the rest of your life in David Fincher's hellscape. Yeah, for real.

Not that he came up with the character. No, not the, I don't know that she would physically abuse me. No. But there would definitely be some mental abuse for sure. And you like... You see that out voluntarily. Well, someone to control me. Someone to just be like, this is what you're doing today.

Okay, and is this a sexual thing for you? Or is this like just generally speaking you up? No, just me maybe all throughout. That's a common thread in the two characters so far. Right? You just want someone to tell you what to do. I'm a little baby.

That's a little bit of a stretch. I'm a little baby. I can still eat independently and use my hands. I don't know. This fucking Rosamund Pike character. We don't know. One attractive thing about both of these characters, both the Marissa Tomei character, Mona Lisa, and Amy Dunn, one of the worst things in a relationship as a guy.

So first of all, women have the first 10 million hardest things of just existing in the world. And then 10 million and one for guys is like how it's always on you to make the decisions for things. Sure. Where you're like, where are we going to go for dinner i have never experienced you haven't really god every relationship with dinner is like i but i so relate to what you're saying for that very reason so you get it yeah yes i'm like please can you just fucking choose where do you want to go to dinner i don't care okay uh it's exhausting yeah do you want mexican if that's what you want is that gender thing or is that an alpha thing? Maybe it's an alpha thing.

Because you're just like, I just want to lean back and have you just make decisions for me. Yes, yes. But I think we all want that in some ways in our life, right? Thank you, MK. Are there people that like being in charge like it? I mean, I think I like being in charge sometimes, but then there's times I'm like, oh, I just don't want to make a decision right now. You pick. That sounds healthy.

Right, right. That sounds like a healthy balance. I'm like happy to make the decisions, but I'm always worried oh, I just don't want to make a decision right now. You pick. That sounds healthy. Right. Yeah, right. Sounds like a healthy balance. I'm like happy to make the decisions, but I'm always worried that the other person's not going to, because I've done that in relationships where she, you know, you'll be with somebody and you're like, what do you want to eat? Like, I don't care.

You pick. And then you're like, all right, great. Executive decision. We're going to go to this chicken wing restaurant. And she's like, okay. And then you go there and like, you'll order something and they won't get anything. And you're like, come on.

Or they get something really basic. Yeah. You know how much I freak out when I'm on a road trip and i'm playing music and no one's saying anything and i'm like are they liking it do they get it yeah what are they thinking today this is and amy dunn will take care of that she's got the playlist and it's her talking to me the biggest shut up and drive we were at that wedding with zach and zach and i and sean was there too although was he in the car with us? No, he was in a different car, right? Yeah.

We went to this wedding up at the Oregon coast this summer. Anthony Lopez and our friend Heather's wedding. Shout out to them. And the wedding was like- This is your wedding gift. Inland. We'll give you a shout out in like four months. Shout out to Anthony.

The wedding was like inland from the coast. There was like no cell phone reception, anything like that. And so we couldn't use like Google Maps. So on the way back, we got totally lost. And like we were all playing music and, you know, it was passing around. It was really good. And our friend Phil, God bless him. He is a genius comedian.

He is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. His taste in music is not universal and we passed the aux cord to him and he played some crazy ass shit everyone you were in that car right uh i may have not been but i've been subject to that exact experience like it would be like like like a dan deacon side band but it I like, I love Dan Deacon, but it was like some crazy, like the shit Dan Deacon, like it was like,

whoa, like. Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm imagining like noise bands. It was, it was definitely not American. And like. No.

Then I won't listen to it. And I haven't taken, yeah, and I, right, not American. And I have not taken the drugs required yet in my life. If you walked into a house and that was playing and the house was empty you're not going in that house yeah okay if that started playing

if the music started playing in a movie you'd be like oh shit they're in like an underground club in eastern europe oh my god okay that doesn't sound like music you want to drive to ever no especially when you're lost in the woods it was was terrifying. I was like, no, Phil! But God bless Phil. We love Phil. Is this Phil? Schallberger. Oh, God, he's so great. He's so funny.

He really is. If you ever have a chance to see Phil Schallberger. Yeah, he's so great. He's one of those comedians where you see him and you're like, wow, what the fuck am I doing? You know those people? I'm out yeah yeah every time he's gone up every comic who has to go after him is like what the fuck that's what you know me oh thank you so much i should stop forever that's shut up that's so nice

that's really thank you for saying that uh phil went up at like good looks and i forget who had to fault like uh david cross or somebody like, I don't want to follow that. Oh my God. Yeah. I saw Deb Giovanni was just like, I don't, what the fuck am I supposed to do after that? Phil's dope. That's so funny. Can I have a side note on-

Side note. Yeah, John, please. The woman I connected most with in that movie is Casey Wilson's character that plays like the dumb neighbor. Oh yeah. And I loved her. She was great. She's so dumb, but I'm like, oh, I would definitely be friends with her if I lived on that block.

Oh, you could just have the nicest Thursday nights with her character. Was she the one who had the kids? Yeah, she had the kids. She's like Snoopin'. She set her up. She was part of the whole setup. Yeah, exactly. Amy Dunn.

Yeah, I just like the idea of someone I want to date with. She's working like 11 steps ahead of me. I feel I'm comfortable being the dumb idiot person in a relationship. So if her, you know what I mean? If we're going on a trip, I might not come back. And that's kind of exciting. Also, Rosamund Pike is beautiful. See, I feel like that's why I would get that justification. Well, there is that scene at the end too, where she's like laying on his chest and it's like the

same scene from the beginning. And it is really like, oh, that's striking how beautiful it is, but it is like insane. It's demented. She hasn't murdered someone. She's like- You could be with somebody that- In the book, she like slashed his throat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

In the movie, she does too, right? Could you be with somebody that had murdered a man like that? Yes, literally. Yeah. While being penetrated by him- Yes. Took the life away from him. But I'm not Neil Patrick Harris.

I know that's a weird casting choice in my opinion. I thought that was a weird choice as well. I don't like it at all. No. It's fine. Love him. I'm not sure that that was- I just don't- Yeah, I just don't- I just don't see him as fuckable. I don't like it at all. No. It's fine. Love him. I'm not sure that that was. I just don't.

Yeah. I just don't. I just don't see him as fuckable. I don't know. Maybe that's me. I don't think I would cheat on my husband. And he was way, way too rich to be that dumb. Yeah.

Right? Right. Well. Well, no. I mean, sometimes. This has kind of gotten away. There's some dumb rich guys. We're really going down the rabbit hole here.

I'm so sorry. You know what else? The friend's apartment. They could never afford to live there. I'm so sorry. You know what else? The friend's apartment. They could never afford to live there. This is what happens when you're at 7, 8, 10 a.m. One final note on Amy Dunn.

My friend of the podcast, guest of the podcast, Louis Weymouth, inventor of the shaklakity that we end every podcast with, briefly dated Rosamund Pike. Ooh. Back in England.

And he's alive. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but there it is. Don't tell Louis I said that. You guys exposed him. They're all British, yeah And he's alive. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but there it is. Don't tell Louie I said that. You guys exposed him. They're all British, yeah. Everyone's British.

Do you know your own? She's super... Rosamund Pike is a very British person. It is a British name. I should have known. Rosamund. Time for my second pick. Oh, boy.

With my second pick, I'm going... I don't think you can surprise me any more than me fucking. I'm going to go... No, I mean, my picks are all going to be very... I could fucking i'm gonna go no i mean my picks are gonna be very i could pick fuck i could pick fucking optimus prime right now to be like

i'm going to take from friday night lights coach's wife tammy taylor oh i mean there's you're not going to get a more supportive you're not going to get a more supportive person in this situation either coach taylor is dead, or they're divorced, or she's just cheating on him with me. Well, that would change the character a bit, though, wouldn't it? Yeah, not the cheating part. She wouldn't cheat. She wouldn't cheat, right? That's not in her

fabric. She is so sweet, so supportive. The exact opposite. I know! This is such a hard contract. But she also calls Coach on his bullshit, right? You need someone who keeps you honest. You do need someone to keep you. They have a real strong, good relationship.

Even however far into the relationship they are, there's definitely still a spark there. Yeah. And she's got a little accent. She's got a little accent, which I really like. Yeah. And she's a tan redhead. She's got a little accent, which I really like. Yeah. And she's a tan redhead, which is really just like you're getting- Tan redhead. You're getting all of the trifecta there.

Active tan redhead. Hot middle-aged redhead, too. Oh, man. Which is like, I mean, that can be an elusive character trait. It's extremely. Connie Britton. Connie Britton is amazing. Connie Britton is amazing.

I love Connie. If I could take Connie Britton, she seems fictional, so I should be able to. Even her character in Nashville is great. So great. Yeah. Such a good woman. I only saw a couple episodes of that. Sean Jordan has seen every episode of Nashville.

Yeah, him and Shane talk about it on the phone. Why does this not surprise me? That's crazy. Do they really? Yes. They have little phone conversations about what's going on in Nashville. While their toddlers run around? While their beans are in the microwave?

Oh, God. That feels like a really just like solid sweet choice. I think it would be great. I would love to go on vacation with Tammy Taylor. Oh, yeah. She would bring snacks for you

because she knows you get hungry on the plane. Yeah, exactly. Here's your M&M's. Here's your sprouted almonds. Oh, she would bring snacks for you because she knows you get hungry on the plane. Yeah, exactly. Here's your M&M's. Here's your sprouted almonds. Ooh, she would bring sprouted almonds because I brought them up once and she remembered. She remembered. She wrote it down. That's exactly what she would do.

You're getting her the same from the TV show and the movie. Right. Same Connie Britton. And her Christmas gifts would be so thoughtful. Oh, they'd be so thoughtful. And like probably handmade. And I think it would make me raise my game too. Oh, it would. It'd make you a better man. It would make me a better man. That's the best partner to have.

I'm already pretty romantic. But when the romanticism isn't reciprocated, you know, I can be like, I guess, well. Bitter. Well, then I feel a fool. Of course. And I don't like feeling a fool. Yeah. I'm like, oh, I guess maybe I'm being.

You would never question yourself with. No. Oh, no. Connie Britton's character. It would be reciprocal romanticism. I don't know the character's name. It's the morning of like your big opportunity and you're feeling a little down you know all the adrenaline from the past weeks is

gotten up to you that just she's the one who builds you back up build you right back up as you're talking and i'm like you know what i am a crazy person she has like a variety of knives stashed around the house. You can get to any of them in three seconds. Connie Britton probably does. I mean, I don't know her character's name, so I'm just going to call her Connie Britton. She probably does have a gun in the house. Tammy Taylor.

But Tammy Taylor, she has a gun for sure. But she is very well trained. It's locked up. It's not loaded. And she probably will eventually save your life with it. I feel like Tammy Taylor could throw a fucking punch too. And like a fighting star. Yeah. Like she's just good at any physical thing in my mind.

She could scrap too. Absolutely. She can crump for sure. Oh. I'm so sorry. Yeah. She could definitely do the sacred clown dance. Crumping. I think if she put her mind to it, she probably could. She just seems like the type of gal that could do anything. You're a wine guy. Yeah, she loves wine.

She loves wine. I'm a wine guy myself. She for sure cooks. Yeah. And like always is making new recipes so you never get tired of the same thing. Oh, yeah. But I'll cook for her too. Oh, and she'll love it.

Oh, yeah. She'll be, every bite she'll be like, oh my God. Every time she takes a bite. We'll switch weeks. There'll be a week where she doesn, every time she takes a bite. We'll switch weeks. There'll be a week where she barely has to leave the bathtub. Yeah. Yeah. Barely has to leave the bathtub.

And you just bring in wine refills. Yeah. Are you done with that book? Here's another. Here's a new Danielle Steele. Let me freshen that merlot up. Yeah. She loves Danielle Steele, but she also loves the guy that killed himself, Infinite Jess

guy. Oh, yeah. She could read some David Foster Wallace. There you go. She loves him too. I can see she also loves the guy that killed himself, Infinite Jest guy. Oh, yeah. She could read some David Foster Wallace. There you go. She loves him, too. I could see her pouring it. And I don't. So she could.

I could see her. She'll explain it to you. And she'll let you lie at parties and say you've read it. She will not call you out. I haven't read Infinite Jest, real talk. But I've read Consider the Lobster and his other collection of short pieces. I read one article, and it was about Roger Federer. I do not fuck with David Foster Wallace.

I wanted to. Everything about me was going to be like, he likes David Foster Wallace. That's my brand. You know? I thought I'd be like the guy. So I bought both of his books at once. Like, these are going to be fucking fun. You had no idea that investment.

I was like, I got done with it. I'm like, when does this get fun? When is this interesting? No, that's the point. I just do not get David Foster Wallace. I think honestly, in my experience, people that have read it and like proudly have read it. Yeah. Like they're mostly just saying I made it through.

Yeah. Right. Like it's like a challenge. It's like the ice. It's those t-shirts you buy where it's like, I survived. Yeah. The hike up the volcano. It's a literary tough mutter

yeah that's how it feels wow it kind of is that's what it feels like to me i did that with proust relaxing everyone was talking about proust at some point i was like all right might as well dive in and i was like this is four pages about a goddamn flower or like kafka i don't know like i'm just like i get i get it but i i don't i don't think you like this. I think you'd do it to say you did it. Right. Sorry. That's how, yeah. So your character choice is funny. Me and Tammy could have some talks about that.

I feel like she'd be into it. She wouldn't say anything mean, though. She'd be like, you know, it's good for everybody. Tammy can go out to a fine dining, and she's okay with a barbecue. Oh, yeah. Totally. She'll fucking put spaghetti in a Ziploc bag if you want her to. Oh, God. She'll eat a hot dog. And you know if you're going to a barbecue. She'll come to Golden Hour and eat a hot dog. She'll fucking put spaghetti in a Ziploc bag if you want her to. Oh, God.

You know if you're going to a barbecue. She'll come to Golden Hour and eat a hot dog. Oh, yeah, she will. And she'll tag you and post it. She'll bring food to your show. Oh, totally. I'm from Texas. I love a Texan mom. I love it.

I don't know any Texan moms because I haven't met Shane's mom. And she's more of an Irish mom, I think. She's more of an Irish mom to it. Yes. She's great. I love Shane's mom. You've met Shane's mom, right? I've met Shane's mom, yeah.

She's a tough cookie, huh? She's great. I think she liked me. We were just – I was on a show in Fort Worth with Shane. We did like this holiday thing last year. And then just had so many see-ups. Ended up crashing at Shane's house. And then the next morning, just literally have like alcohol seeping out of my pores

the next morning having coffee with Shane's mom. And I was just, it was, yeah. But like she got it though, didn't she? She got it. She didn't, she wasn't like. She was like, oh, you're a little hungover, sweetie. Yeah. Yeah.

She's Irish. She's Irish. She wasn't like, are you hungover, sweetie? She's like, all right, you're hungover, sweetie. Sit down, you're hungover, sweetie. Sit down. You need some coffee. And then I think we just talked about Trump for like 45 minutes. I gotta meet Shane's mom.

It's gotta happen soon. That's your next live podcast. That's my next pick. Yeah. Miel, it's time for your second pick. Oh, shit. I got so wrapped up in the conversation. I forgot.

Okay, fuck me. All right. This is great for me. Okay, fuck me. All right. This is great for me. Okay. I know this is so dumb, but I have to stay true to me. This isn't going to be a popular pick. Okay. This is Christian, who is Ewan McGregor's character from Moulin Rouge.

Oh. Not a movie a lot of people saw. I saw it. I love Moulin Rouge. It's not a movie a lot of people saw. I saw it. Moulin Rouge, yeah. Not a reference a lot of people will get. Let's forget about that part. Let's just pretend that didn't happen. I'm not saying it's a good movie.

Baz Luhrmann is, you know, he is what he is. I'm a Luhrmann head. Okay. I like a Baz Luhrmann. Okay. I thought his Romeo and Juliet was like, honestly, I should paraphrase. I've had two sexual awakenings to Baz Luhrmann movies. Whoa.

One, Romeo and Juliet. Sure. Of course, the fucking fish tank scene, which was going to be a pick, which I can't do. Yeah, that fish tank scene was great. Because it's more true for me. It's Ewan McGregor's character from Moulin Rouge, because there's just one scene. First of all, he's just Ewan McGregor. He's fucking hot as fuck.

Well, yeah. But there's one scene where he's trying Ian McGregor. He's fucking hot as fuck. Why? Yeah. But there's one scene where he's trying to read his poetry to Satine, Nicole Kidman. Yeah. And she thinks he's a client and she's like a prostitute. So she's keep trying to fuck him. And he's like, can I just read my poetry? And I'm like, yeah, I get that.

But then to finally get her attention, he's like, she's not going to listen to my poetry. I got to sing. Which I'm like, oh, my God. Go on. And then he breaks out into Elton John, your song, right? Elton John? Elton John? Daniel's song.

No, your song. It's called Daniel's song. What? No, your song. I hope you don't mind. It's called Daniel's song? Yeah. I don't put down in words daniel's song yeah um put down in work okay that beautiful

song and they do this shot where he's like my gift is my song and then it like reverberates through paris and i was like looking at what a 12 year old i had i saw in theater four times and then i bought the dvd and this is before you could rewind you had to skip you know like chapters on dvd yeah yeah so I would have to continually skip a chapter and watch the same five minutes of scene before I'd get to that part and this was like pre like I wasn't sexual

yet it was just this feeling that I couldn't put a word to that I was like I really like this I remember like wishing so badly that he was real i don't know why because he's like a poet and he's an artist and he's also just like always classy because it's like the renaissance like what is it called the revolution in paris yeah like the 20s or whatever oh yeah le belly oh no le belly park was earlier that That was, by the way, it's totally called your song. I was way off.

No, it's Daniel's song. I just fixed the problem that's been going on in my head for 20 years. Have you ever had a thing you've been wrong about for 20 years? No. Oh, it happens to me all the time. Yeah, so you're 100% right. I'm totally wrong. Sean could relate, though.

Sean could totally relate. Oh, yeah. Caution to win, baby. Caution to win. Yeah, called your song, of course. I don't know if there's anything else I can say. He's just the sexiest person alive to me. I can't explain it. Ewan McGregor's the one person I've been starstruck around. I don't think you understand how much

I'm obsessed with him. I flew to London. It was all I ever asked for for my birthdays growing up and then finally they agreed to do it. To see him in the West End production of Guys and Dolls when I was like 13. And then I went to New York when I was like 24 or something to see him in this really dramatic play with Cynthia Nixon. I don't know what it was called.

Not a musical. It turns out not into plays that aren't musical. And afterward, he was doing like a meet and greet in the lobby. And I was like, I have to meet him. If nothing else, I'll tell him. Yeah. How long I've been obsessed with him. I couldn't do it.

I just stood there in the corner like shaking. Oh, man. And literally my dad was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, I can't. I can't. I just laughed. I was too scared. Just like a chihuahua.

Anytime. Yeah, anytime. 24-7. Yeah. Have you been to the Moulin Rouge? Not inside. But I've seen inside, but I've gone outside. I think there's no reason to go inside anymore. I don't think it may be.

What is it today? Is it still like a theater? They still do a theater. They still do a review and everything there. It's just like tourist attraction. It's not like real at all. But it's in a cool area of Paris, in that Montmartre area. Oh, fuck yeah.

Walk up to Sacre Coeur. Sacre Coeur. Have a coffee? Sure, there you go. Actually, yeah, that café. Un café? Where the Amelie movie was. Amelie was great. Oh, she'd be a good pick. Oh, she'd be a

fucking great pick. Damn it. Oh, it would be a good pick. Sorry. MK8, it's time for your second and then your third picks. Both of, wait, who was your first pick? ziggy stardust all right i was gonna say we have two french character or like set in paris we know romance frankophiles connection i'm gonna go across the pond a little bit uh i don't know if you guys are gonna know this one it's a little obscure okay y'all any downton Abbey people? Never seen it. No. What? Go on. Okay. So there's Thomas Barrow, the evil gay butler in Downton Abbey.

I love an evil gay butler. Oh, yeah. That's your pick? That's my pick. He's evil? His name's – well, yeah. I mean he's kind of the evil – he's not actually the butler until later in the series, but in the early ones he's a footman.

So there's a so the basically the first episode of downtown abbey i'm obsessed with downtown abbey it's just visually like stunning and it's like yeah it's you like that time i like that time i'm i'm such a dork but i love british period pieces um but in that so there's a scene where there's uh kind of this i don't know upper class person that maybe is going to marry one of the daughters comes and they're like trying to marry off as her name. And he ends up like, then there's a scene where he's his footman and he's like taking his shirt off. And it's just like the hottest scene where the butler is like kneeling for this like clearly like evil man that's trying to marry one of the anyway it's a crazy scene and it is does he have abs he's got i don't know if he has abs you never see him

because he's always in a tuxedo suit that's something his name's rob james rob james collier too very handsome guy is he dark haired or light haired dark haired okay i'm getting it more now he is real handsome real handsome can you show me what he looks like? Oh, okay. He has a laptop. Oh, I get it. Yeah. Oh, he's like proper as fuck. He's Taldark and handsome.

Taldark handsome. Oh, and he's got that hair like slicked back. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I understand. Say no more. And there is, I think this one's a little sadistic too, because there is something about this, he's a servant.

That's like. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's like, I don't know. It's kind of erotic servant that's like oh yeah yeah there's like i don't know it's kind of erotic you're like yeah would you want to keep that dynamic if you were dating him probably not i'm too much of a good boy to be like let's be friends and equals yeah but like maybe loki you hope that maybe like does just like doing the laundry or something a little bit i like a little role play every once in a while. Keep it interesting. Yeah.

You can be my footman. What is a footman? I know. I thought maybe it was like a foot fetishist when you first said it. A footman is like, so there's like the butler is kind of the head of the like servant staff. Yeah. And a footman is just like kind of like a gopher. I think they just do a lot of different stuff.

Oh, so you're like an under butler. Oh, like a PA. There's a butler. Then there's the under butler. just do a lot of different stuff. Oh, so you're like an under butler. Oh, like a PA. There's a butler, then there's the under butler. So Thomas went from being a footman up to butler by the end of the series.

That's a promotion. Yeah, so he was one of the few characters that kind of made it all the way through. Is it over? It's over. Well, I guess actually a bunch of them made it all the way through. I thought it was Downtown Abbey for a long time. Me too. It's a good show.

I'm obsessed with it. It's probably my favorite tv show downtown abbey downtown they did smoking cigarettes i get it though i loved that show the nick for the same reason just like a britishy type period piece oh man i guess it actually was american i'm also a sucker for a british accent oof it is good it's just it is good it makes them sound so much smarter than they are yeah i work with all these brits and they'll say some stuff in a british accent i'm like oh good point then you think about it you're like you idiot well there was a bad point yeah what are you

talking about well there was a one point where uh ian your uh writing partner who's british came over to the to the crib lord we were hanging out and at some point he asked me he was asking me if I do stand-up and he was like, stand-up question mark? And I just stood up from sitting. I was like I just, you have that accent you just tell me what to do. I just assumed he was like, stand-up.

And I was like, okay. Yes sir. That's so funny that you made you like a little puppy. Yeah, I stood up and I was like, wait, why did I do that? obeyed you like a little puppy. Yeah, I stood up and I was like, wait, why did I do that? I didn't even think about it. That's so funny. Didn't you, but you were in London for a while, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you found treasure, pleasure, and leisure. Treasure, pleasure, and leisure. Yeah. I'm obsessed with like, I want to live in London at some point. You should. Absolutely. And the people, especially in Soho

or whatever, they just walk around with those beautiful tailored jackets. Yes, they dress super well. It's always cold so you can layer. It's really nice. Yeah, America's kind of trash when it comes to sophistication on a general scale. We just don't get it. England has a ton of

trash too. It's just not London. I'm just saying when you look at the sophistication, like, people that find it important, I feel like per capita, America's got to be, like, one of the lowest ones of the first world countries. Well, you know what's weird about living in L.A. is, like, this is a major city that's still, like, a little bit trashy. Yeah. Like, there's no pressure to dress well here. Right. You can just wear exercise gear and you're, like, fine anywhere you go. Like, the only city in America people are like

no we wear good clothes is like New York. That's it. And then meanwhile it's like Milan, Paris, London. There's all these cities abroad. Even like the popular trends here are very much like not as they're like informal. Yeah or like

tank tops. I mean like I wear a tank top all the time but I'm like oh this is too casual for like the rest of like public public consumption i don't get wrong i do it yeah i do it i do it like we're americans if i was raised somewhere else i probably wouldn't i got when i finished graduate school i got my parents got me a custom-made tweed jacket it was like what i asked for and i mean i still wear it and it's just like so, it fits me so well. Yeah.

Oh, I love it. You're like, I should get more things tailored. I had a Maria Bamford quote put on the inside of the collar. Oh, what's that? It's just like, there's like a character limit,

but it's from one of her albums where she's talking about her friend like tries to get her to do stuff and she's like, come to my yoga class it's spiritual and maria's like sure i'll join your cult and i just said sure i'll join your cult but on the inside of the collar that's great uh great pick thank you great obscure i hope some of the gay listeners know i think we've got some let's talk some does the evil thing do anything for you well the thing is please relate to me yes mk there is there's something sexy about like the darkness there

he's like very much the manipulator in the house exactly he's like scheming a lot but i don't but you kind of like i think as a gay man i kind of relate to him because I also understand that he's a little misunderstood as a character. And it was like living in a time where he kind of really had to bury a part of himself. Right. And so, yeah, I'm like, I want to date this guy. We could be ourselves together. Oh, yeah. You can usher him into an awakening of him.

I want to fix him. That's always a smart move. It's also, he's willing to do the hard work because his eventual goal is to be a butler. He's working towards being a butler. That was a good paying job. You've seen Beauty and the Beast, right? It was very prestigious too. To be a butler of a major household.

Oh, totally. That's like if you're working class, that's like the creme de la creme. It's the best part of downstairs. Downstairs, Abby. Who is your third pick? Oh, next. Oh, I'm doing another one. Okay. I...

Well, I got it. This is going back to the chef thing. Yes. From The Devil Wears Prada. There's several characters. Oh, no. But Nate,

the boyfriend from The Devil Wears Prada that makes a really nice grill. Is this based on that sandwich you make? Yes. He's such a piece of shit. Oh, I know.

Literally, the better she does in her career, the more he's like, what the fuck? I know, but it's because she does in her career, the more he's like, what the fuck? I know, but it's because he really loves her. Is it? Or is it because he just wants all of it? This is a good pick.

I know that. This is mostly I think I just really want to date a shit. Yeah. I mean, when he goes to that grocery store and complains about how expensive it was and then makes that delicious meal. Yeah. It does look amazing. Yeah, you do.

Like, for the first 30 minutes, I'm like, he's a great guy. And I will- He is peak handsome in that movie. He's peak handsome. Yeah. He's not, but he's also kind of like, I mean, he just like loves her and he wants her to be there. She starts being a different person in that movie. She does change. I watch that movie three times a year.

I love that movie. It's one of my favorites. Okay, hear me out. Okay. Have you ever gotten a job that maybe slightly changed who you are as a person? Yes. Chelsea Lately. Okay. I don't

talk to the little people anymore. I don't at all. I mostly wear Gucci. But I think the testament to a true partner isn't to get angry with you for it, isn't to abandon you for it. It's to be like, hey, if I'm going to say anything which odds are don't, just let them work it out out but if after like four or five months you're still kind of like acting a little dissociated yeah maybe i check in with you and say like hey i don't want to make you

feel weird i know you love your job and you're working so hard and i think that's so admirable but you have acted really different and i'm wondering if maybe you're kind of losing sight of who you are totally yeah he does none of that he literally is just like you were late to my fucking birthday bye bitch one time like he's a scum i honestly stand by it wasn't the first time she'd like fucked up she'd been late we see like three times total and they're supposed to be like a long-term relationship listen i'm on anne hathaway's side full board but you also would date he does get he does get left in the wake a little bit that's fine and i do a little bit relate because like that skeevy what the fuck is i hate the actor

the blonde guy she kind of oh god oh yeah he was i thought he was a bad casting pick but maybe they want him to be a little scuzzy i think you're supposed to hate him yeah and it is a little ambiguous if she like wanted to cheat or not yeah so i do a little bit feel for nate she wanted i think maybe i don't even know if like yeah i So I do a little bit feel for Nate. She wanted to a little bit. I think maybe, I don't even know if like, yeah, I think he was a little bit of a baby

in that movie. Adrian Grinian? Yeah. Yeah, he was a baby. But he was a little bit of a baby, but I do think, I don't know,

there was something very romantic to me about their like, living in a small. They're poor but delicious. Yeah, poor but delicious and he's a chef. I do get that.

Poor but delicious. She was a baby when the movie started too. She just became an adult faster. But like, let's talk about her's a chef. I do get that. She was a baby when the movie started too. She just became an adult fashion. But like let's talk about her for a second. I mean wearing those frumpy sweaters everywhere at like Vogue or whatever. Not understanding why that sweater was blue.

Yeah. I want to memorize that. It's the best. I thought she looked good at the beginning of the movie. I was like no she looks cute. I mean it's Anne Hathaway. There's it's awesome. It's the best. Is it fucked up on me, though, that I thought she looked good at the beginning of that movie? I was like, no, she looks cute. I mean, it's Anne Hathaway. There's only so much you can do. Yeah.

She looked, I mean, she was, you know, she looked, but she looked exceptional when she had the designer clothes on, I thought. I don't know. There's a few outfits in there. I'm like, sorry, did Carrie Bradshaw design this? The fuck is happening here? And didn't she kind of start doing more with her bangs and her- Oh, yeah.

They were like Brazilian blowout, like pin straight, piecey bangs. I didn't like that at all. I do think, though, if he stood by her side when she was like down and out, maybe he's a good guy. Maybe if you only started... But I think that was his way of communicating it to her because I think she was so far like had kind of lost sight of herself a little bit that maybe nothing... I think I'm particularly sensitive to this pic because i've personally

experienced so many times where i have just i don't know what you would call it i have just evolved past a partner where they've been like no stay down here and i'm like no let's grow together and they're like no yeah i want to stay at the same job i hate forever i want to live in my shitty apartment i hate forever and i'm like, I'm telling you how we could grow. And they're like, fuck you, bitch. You're leaving me. And I'm like, you left yourself. Like, I didn't do this.

Sure, sure. So I do feel like a little bit. But if you do go back to like, maybe they're just really young. Yeah, that's a good point. That is conflicting. And that happens in friendships, too. It totally does. Like when you're like.

Yeah. Especially when you're really pursuing something with all your heart. Totally. And they take it personally that you're like too busy to hang out. And you're like, no, just come to my shows. Like, what the fuck? Let's do this together. And they're like, no.

Have all the time to just listen to me, you know. Yeah. I can't. Yeah. This got too real. I'm sorry. No, it is. Yeah.

It is. Yeah. She did leave. I mean, but she did go from wanting to be a serious journalist to working for Vogue. She got sucked into the rat race. She did. I agree.

It is very nuanced. They have a complicated relationship. So we haven't talked about him at all, other than he's a good chef, and I get it. And he's handsome. And he's hot as fuck. Yeah. And he doesn't complain about being broke, and he makes the most of it, which I think is a strong testament to his character.

What does he end up moving to Philadelphia? Where does he go? Boston? He moves? Where does he go at the end of the movie, doesn't he is a strong testament to his character. What does he end up moving to Philadelphia? Where does he go? Boston? He moves? Where does he go at the end of the movie, doesn't he? I don't remember him leaving. To take a chef job somewhere? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. He may have to go to Boston, right? Is that what it is? Maybe it's Boston. Yeah. I just am too fixated on Meryl Streep the whole movie. I don't pay attention. Oh, my God.

That movie is great. It's so good. It's such a good movie. I mean, I almost, I like, yeah. It's worth noting that you're literally wearing a shirt right now. I know, I'm wearing her shirt. With Meryl Streep's character on it. She says that's all. Shout out to

Aileen Brosh McKenna, who's not doing Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. She wrote Devil is Prada. She did. The screenplay anyway. Oh, shit. Not the book, but yeah. She's a major player. Player. Yeah. Fuck yeah. That screenplay is great. Rom-com queen.

Is it? I mean, the writing was really solid in the screenplay, but I always kind of had a feeling that that movie was not supposed to have the success that it did. It was weird that it got as big as it did. Yeah, it was supposed to be a romantic comedy, but then Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway and Stanley Tucci, they just elevated it to this level level stanley tucci he was almost my pick and i was like i would pick stanley tucci but then i i was thinking about that but then i'm like he is he's very much i think sort of blind to actually what's happening in some ways i don't know i feel

like he gets it but he's made his grave and he's gonna like it like he's aware yeah because he does he's so nicer from the very beginning whereas if he like don't know. I feel like he gets it, but he's made his grave and he's going to lie to it. Like he's aware. Yeah. Because he's so nicer from the very beginning. Whereas if he like didn't know, he would have just been like fucking get out of the trap. To take her aside

and be like, this is what you need to be wearing. And here's, yeah, let me sneak you shoes from wardrobe. Oh, and the suits he's wearing? Get out of here. And he's just,

his little glasses. I should have picked them. Stanley Tucci might go down as like. I picked the wrong one. Maybe the rest of your picks are all just the worst. I don't have a strong personal constitution

on any of this, so just like, sure, I'll date someone else. Maybe we're all finding out something, like MK's like, oh, I keep picking not the first pick I'd actually want. No, Remy was strong. Remy was strong. Or Remy, sorry. Remy's my ex-boyfriend.

Remy is strong. We're all learning. I stand by Thomas Barrow from Downton Abbey. Yeah, this one. He seems hot. I think this one is more like visually in the kind of relationship they had at the beginning of the movie is the kind of relationship i would like to have it is also just like aside from all the shit i mentioned finding a partner that will be with you and like make the most of like the down and out moments that's like a dream that's that's key that they're like we can't get any nice stuff and he's like don't worry i'll still make you a

bomb sandwich oh that means a lot i don't know it's the little things that sandwich absolutely and also remy can also do i know when he's like little things. That sandwich looks good. And also, Remy can also do that. I know. When he's like, there's like $10 of Gouda in that, I'm like, oh, that's my man. Yeah.

Yeah. Although in New York, that's a very small amount of Gouda. Miela, it's time for your third pick. Okay. Is anyone familiar with N64? You guys play games?

Yes. Does anyone play a game called Ocarina of Time? Yes. Okay. Hell yes. It's the greatest video game of all time probably okay I agree

thank you alright so at first I was like I'm choosing Link obviously everyone wants to fuck Link and then I was like you know what though

I'm not as attracted to Link as I am Sheik in that fucking game really oh my god google her so she shows up

after the first like round of the game when he grows up from a kid to an adult and all of a sudden he has this like guru wrapped in bandages that teaches him everything oh yeah and again i maybe this is like a theme with me she's very like androgynous you actually assume it's a man you do it i remember now yeah and they're the best at everything and they also don't talk which is i don't know those quiet moments forever you would like to be the one talking they have the text like they do like talk in the game but like the fact that i couldn't tell what their voice was like i loved whereas link you know he's like hey you're kind of like okay

that fucking noise or when you like land from too far and he's like you're just like ew yeah keep it together man yeah yeah those nuts but like she's just like got it together like she's like she can fight her ass off and she's also like a mentor figure which is like always kind of hot and like i was so into it and like again i was probably like nine playing this game so i didn't really know what these feelings were but i definitely was like every time she's on i like this game more and then at the end you find out it was zelda the whole time and that she had to go into hiding after all the bad shit happened so she became

this like i don't know fucking ninja i don't know what you would call her. And she takes her bandages off, and it's like this hot princess. And I was like, oh, my God. So it's like an alter ego thing. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of like a motif, yeah. And only once you save the world can she be Zelda again. But I like to believe that she still is chic sometimes. Oh, yeah.

You know, why wouldn't you? You lived for like 10 years that way. You're going to dabble in your chicery. Ohory oh yeah you can't get rid of that part of you no i don't know it's just like i just i just find that track so so aggressively i can't explain it you and doesn't she play like a harp or so she's got like an instrument oh that's a good question yeah i don't remember her playing an instrument that's very possible i think she's got one i replayed it last time yeah she does yeah does. Yeah, Marissa says yes. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, because the first time you meet her, she plays you a new song. You learn it. And then she also throws the thing, like, and she disappears behind it. So there's, like, some magic involved, which you're like, ooh, a mystical being. What else can you do? In this situation, are you going to learn an ocarina to really make? Well, this is going to – listen ocarina to really make... Well, this is going to... Listen, I moved till I pursued music.

I feel like that does kind of incorporate that part of it. I did at one point have an ocarina and they were hard as fuck to play and also completely not gratifying when you can. Of course you have an ocarina. To my credit, Demi, my friend Demi, shout out to Electro Lemon, got me it for Christmas knowing how much I loved... Oh, this wasn't when you lived on an island in the music stand? No, this was three years ago. Oh, Jesus Christ. I assumed this was some sort of island thing where it was like, well, we didn't have music.

We had to learn now that's what I call Ocarina. We had marimbas for that. And then that other one, what the fuck was that called? It was like descending heights of wooden tubes that you blow across. Oh, pan flute? Oh, pan flute. Yeah, pan flute and marimba were the two we had to learn. But no, this was like,

because Demi knew how much I loved Zelda, so he got me an ocarina. And I was like, this is really cool in theory. In actuality, really tedious and unpleasant. So maybe I'd like,

maybe she could teach me like harp or something. That'd be more fun. I'm with it. What else was there to say? Sheik slash Zelda. I have no idea who this person is.

Honestly, if you ever play this game, which... I think I did, but I'm like... Do you remember the person wrapped in bandages completely with just a blonde bang and beautiful eyes? Yeah, vaguely. That's who I'm choosing. Specifically as this character. I like him bandaged up.

Fully covered, yeah. I don't know. There's something about the mystery, too. It's really sexy. You're like, I don't know what There's something about the mystery, too. It's really sexy. You're like, I don't know what you look like in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like what I see so far. It's like the Spider-Man appeal, you know?

Yeah. With the upside down kiss. And you're like, I can tell they have a good body. Yeah. They're nice. Good jawline. Yeah, good jawline. You're jumping into this whether you know it's a guy, even not knowing if it's a guy or a girl.

Again, it's like my queer little heart. I'm like, it's everything I love. Yeah. I don't know. I get it. It's a guy or a girl. Again, it's like my queer little heart. I'm like, it's everything I love. Yeah, I don't know. I get it. It's time for my third pick. With my third pick, I'm going to stay. I guess I'm revealing what I like in a relationship.

I am going to take Morticia Adams from the Adams family. I myself not a goth, but her and Gomez Adams, the way that they love each other so much. They're so supportive. They're very romantic. Yeah. And she goes for it. So are you Gomes?

I'm me in this situation. I'm still me. I mean, I have a mustache right now. I'll make it thin. You could be a really good Halloween Gomes Adams. I might go as chubby Gomes Adams. Not even for Halloween, just for life. That's a good brand, though. Be a good brand, right? They are such a

healthy relationship. They have such a healthy relationship. I mean, I'm not going to chop off someone's head for her or anything like that. You might go. But I'll do some blood play or whatever it is she needs to get into. And she'll definitely help you pick the restaurants for dinner. Oh, 100%. She's cultured. She's smart.

She can dance. Nothing phases her. Nothing phases her. Right. She's super chill, but not like, but never going to get taken advantage. She's chill, but with opinions. Not apathetic. And she's just like super hot.

God, crazy hot. In your mind, is it the Angelica Huston? Yeah, it's the Angelica Huston. It's Houston, right? I don't know. I your mind, is it the Angelica Huston? Yeah, it's the Angelica Huston. What is it? It's Huston, right? I don't know. I feel like I would say the wrong one.

Because her dad was a direct John Huston, right? Yeah, the Angelica Huston one from the movies. Although, I'll take the original Adam's Family from TV one too. Or even like the cartoon.

Fuck it. Or any of them. Yeah. As long as it's pin straight, long black hair. Yes. Pale. Sassy little bitch super pale

in that black dress who just adores you just adores me yeah i love i love how much so sweet all your pics are just like someone that just loves the shit out of you yeah that's why i do stand-up uh could not be different uh more different than zach's pig again i'm really scared to hear what Zach picks next. The devil himself. You're warming my heart so much. I just love how she's clearly smart. She's above it, but not above caring.

Yeah. Yeah. So in this scenario, would you be the stepfather to Wednesday and the other ones? I'd get in there and do the best I could. They wouldn't torture me. Yeah. Yeah. When Raul Julia died, I would fill in. He played Gomez Adams in the

Addams Family movies. I didn't get that far into the movie. And M. Bison, I think, in the Freak Fighter movie. Yeah, that was his last movie role. Tequila Sunrise. What was Tequila Sunrise? He was in that movie with Kurt Russell. I've never seen Tequila and uh oh boy dangerous minds michelle pfeiffer michelle michelle pfeiffer pfeiffer pfeiffer that whole movie the whole plot is just them wanting to

have sex with michelle pfeiffer i get that carolyn jones from the adam's family tv show is also really beautiful i mean the character no matter what, is just going to be so attractive. Yeah. And it's kind of been, I mean, it worked for Elvira. Yeah. Right? Kind of a similar like. Elvira I cared about a little less than Morticia.

But it is the same brand. Right. Yeah. She doesn't even want Morticia. It's just, I don't know. I would love to call her. I'd call her Katamia. I would slide right in there.

Katamia. So that's my pick, Zach. And it's time for your third and fourth picks. Okay. Everyone waiting for what psychopath I'm going to pick next. I'm like truly terrified. I'm going to go a little bit different. Okay.

Thankfully. I am picking the woman from the song short skirt long jacket oh don't see her only described jesus christ sure this is such a deep cut the cake song short skirt long i was listening to it on the way i need to hear some of the yeah lyrics i'm trying to get to the uh well she's changing yeah she's changing her name from kitty to karen she's eliminating the red tape right she's cut using machete to cut through red tape through red tape yeah um mind like a diamond mind like a diamond shark sharp as attack fast and thorough fast and thorough i can't remember a lot of these words right uh

i was listening to it on the way here and just everything about it. You don't. And that's almost kind of the appeal of some of your picks is that there is no straight up physical description of this person. Other than her outfit. These are all just other than the outfit and the car she drives. Well, she's got fingernails that shine like justice. I don't know. It is dark, like tinted glass.

Oh, she's that sexy. She's vast, thorough, and sharp as a tack. She's touring the facilities and picking up slack. So she's a boss-ass bitch. She's a boss-ass bitch. She's a boss-ass bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. That song was actually also written about her. Yeah.

At Citibank, we'll meet accidentally. Citibank. She meets at Citibank, which is questionable. It is. Well, you know, this song was maybe she's changed. Maybe she's at a local credit union. Now she is. Or she keeps her money in like underneath her mattress.

You know what? She's converted everything to the gold standard. She just finds coins. She's fast. She's thorough and everything's on the gold standard. I want a girl who'll stab me while I'm sleeping. I want a girl who'll stab me while I'm sleeping. I want a girl who'll frame me for murder.

He stabs at a dentum to the end. So hot. There is, though, I think, though, this isn't that different from your other picks. Because your other picks, all the things said here are fairly true as well. It's, it's... Well, she's less menacing. She's less menacing.

Only because maybe those lyrics were included. Like, there's no lyric that says she's not menacing she's less menacing only because maybe those lyrics were included like she did there's no lyric that says she's not menacing but mona lisa vito she is not menacing yeah mona lisa i think this is more like a theme of like you like like a very confident you are like confident in charge yes absolutely there's nothing wrong with that the murder part i do start to get like hey buddy you're valuable your life matters kill me I get this one this does sound like an attractive and plus there's so much

left to the imagination you can just imagine the hottest person to you yes exactly who in your head does she kind of look like yeah other than having fingernails that shine like justice in my head kind of like like a Julie Delpy.

I'm going to have to look that person up. She's a French actress. She was in Before Sunrise, Before Sunset. Oh, she's blonde? Uh-huh. Well, yeah. I think her roots might be darker,

but yeah, I think she's blonde. Okay, it's Julie Delpy. Yeah. I don't know. I can't imagine. Maybe I just hate my own hair color. I can't imagine a boss's name like blonde. She's also in what?

Two Days in New York, Two Days in Paris were her kind of two other big pictures. Is she French? She is. Yes. I know Julie Delpy is. Oh, is the girl with the short skirt and the long jacket? No, just visually, I think, is how I kind of picture it. That changes it.

In the song? I see like a New York city street. I don't know if I ever. Oh, yeah. Like woman, like kind of like. We're meeting accidentally. So that's like a meet cute, which I'm always a fan of. She has a New York accent.

Yeah. Yeah. It just comes out. She's drunk though. A little bit. But subtly, not like annoying. No, not like an annoying one. Like a cool one.

Yeah. Yeah. I could see that. In my head, I'm like, no. She could have a little British accent too. Or or like it like italian a little bit or you know what even like brazilian i'd be like yeah there's a lot of ways this could go just was like like a white like american french lady is not who i was imagining but that's not my pick it's for you my man yeah i mean and it could have been informed by like maybe I heard the song like right after

seeing one of her movies or something. And that formation always just clicked. It's not like I've sat around and thought about. What's so cool to me is that you heard the song and were like, I want to imagine what that woman looks like instead of just what normal people would do and just sing along. You're like, you're into the lyrics. I need to know. You're like starting to like, let me visualize what they're saying.

Yeah. Guys, I don't know if I like that yet or lyrics. You're like, let me visualize what they're saying. Yeah. Guys, I don't know if I like that yet or not. Let me go back home and visualize this for a little bit. It's so sweet, though. You're like, I gotta really, really put myself where the artist was. I like it. I like that pic. Yeah. It's so creative.

Thank you. And it really like uses your imagination. Yeah. I've turned the tide, I feel like. You've turned the tide. It's getting less dark. People are feeling less scared. If this were actually a

team it's good to have a murderer on your team you know you need somebody that can like that's true because we did go on a date with amy dunn so maybe i survived maybe i'm in the you know and also if she doesn't hate you she'll murder for you that's a great point and i've got a lot of enemies got a lot of me and drake got a lot of people trying to rob you of your energy absolutely there it is all the time so that uh third pick went in your fourth pick fourth pick um i am going to go venus the roman god of love beauty desire sex fertility prosperity and victory we said fictional she's no i'm just joking i'm an atheist

that is just my brain just never would have gone there venus venus like uh right arising from the sea and a clamshell yes yeah are you thinking of like all of it aphrodite painting well so that's the thing is aphrodite is a is greek right and like venus was after but they like took some elements of aphrodite well i could be wrong i thought they were the same i thought it was just the greek and roman names yeah but i could totally be wrong i don't really remember i did a a very shallow dive into this earlier day and it seemed like yeah like the the venus was maybe afterwards and they had attributed some other things. Like I think victory and prosperity weren't attributed to Aphrodite necessarily.

Right, because Aphrodite is like Poseidon's daughter made from like sea foam. Is that true with Venus too? Yeah, there might be some sea foam elements. That's kind of sexy. That is. Is that weird? It's like Creature from the Black Raccoon, but like hotly. A warm foam that could just lay on me?

When you say that, I'm no longer into it. Like a marshmallow puff. Yeah, marshmallow I like. Melting into the hot cocoa. Come on now. Okay, that I'm back. When you say warm foam, I'm just immediately thinking of other things on top of me. Is this like a goddess thing? You're into the like. Well, just like, I mean, could you imagine? That's got to be like the purest love feeling you could ever get even if you were just around her like right she everyone fell in love with her that was around her so you already know

going in on a date that you're gonna have like that kind of experience and then also if she doesn't want to date you anymore hey cupid go ahead and shoot this arrow into someone else so now i forget her completely i'm not wrapped up of all time exactly i'm not wrapped up in the in like what could have been yeah i don't know in victory and prosperity that you're a human she's a god she could she just i mean like there's precedence yeah yeah i mean yeah i feel like i'd be so i'd be so threatened all the time that she was gonna leave me the ilia it's like who's the ilia that's uh it half-god, half-man? Oh, yeah. Hercules.

Homer. No, no, Homer wrote it. Wait, isn't Hercules half-god, half-man? Yeah, Hercules is half-god, but... Oh, God. Why am I forgetting the... The Iliad and the Odyssey. I didn't read.

What does that dude's name? I don't read books. They didn't teach us books on the island. But, yeah, those are the things I want to be surrounded by. No, I mean, it makes sense. If you're going to be in love with somebody, be with the goddess of love. Right. Right.

Odysseus. Odysseus. Yeah. Okay. That's the Odyssey. Now, I'm not expecting that there's no way she would be staying with me. No, but wouldn't that make you feel insecure? This is a polyamorous relationship.

No, no. You're just dating casually? Well, we could be dating casually. I get the feeling, even if I would get one date, you get one date with a goddess? That's, I mean, what else? Wouldn't Don't You Thought could give you a taste and then never again? But that's what I'm saying. Cupid shoots the arrow.

Now I'm in love with the mortal person. What if she doesn't do that for you? Then it's like everyone else is ruined for you for the rest of time. Well, that's me now. So... I already did it. We're really getting to the deep, deep cuts.

That's already happened. She's Norwegian. She had a British accent. She lives in London. Oh, that's a real girl, right? That is a real girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm starting to understand the picture. She makes costumes for playsets. Oh, interesting.

Shout out to her, enemy of the podcast. Enemy of the podcast, friend of my heart. Yeah. Aw. You're just a sweet boy. That's where all your pics are coming from. Just a sweet boy. Wait, so what happened with that girl?

I guess we can't. Oh, there's a- Go ahead. I mean, it's kind of a long story. I, so what happened with that girl? I guess we can't. Oh, there's a- Go ahead. I mean, it's kind of a long story. I went to- She sounds perfect. A post-requisite or like a requisite post-college Europe trip. We were bouncing around a couple of different places.

We were staying at the same hostel in Genoa. Oh, that's so romantic. We stayed out. We hung out until it was closing. Yeah. The hostel was closing and you're you know, it's you're sleeping in rooms with like 10 other people. So we were like, maybe just try to find like a room to keep talking. And we went into this reading room, which was like lit like a school library.

And we like hung out there for a few hours. Things happen. They don't need to be talked about. In the library? In the library. And then the next morning, the next morning as we're walking past that library there's a sign on the door that says surveilled 24 hours a day.

Oh god. Do you think what you did was impressive to whoever watched you? No. I was nervous. I'm in Europe. What am I doing? She has a British accent. She's Norwegian. It's all like if you hit a lottery and you're just

like, I don't know. I just don't want to question it. I'm just going to keep moving. Yeah. You're like, this is really helping to me. Yeah. And it was like a whirlwind, like four days. And then we had to part our separate ways.

And I tried to kept, like, we kept in contact, but you know, it's like impossible. There's something very intoxicating about that international affair. I haven't talked with her in a little while, but the last thing was we were facebook friends she doesn't really she doesn't really do social media which is she's too cool of course yeah of course but yeah the last she was yeah doing she wanted to do like set and costume design for plays i know i know how old is she she same age as me so she's 32 now is she married or single i don't know i think she's still single she like i said she barely puts anything up so it's like can we get a kickstarter going we gotta get me over here get me there does she live in norway or england oh man i bawled like a baby when we

separated yeah and i was there and i was on the basketball court crossing fools i don't want to do this to you trevor you mean crying or like bawled out i i don't know no do this to you, Trevor. You mean crying or like balled out? I picture when you said balled out, baby, you're out there, you're like dunking on people. Yeah, he got super good at balling. I got really good at basketball. No, I was there with a friend. It was just me and him. And when we like separated and then we had to get on our train to, I don't know, wherever we were going, Switzerland or something. I was like full on crying and he was just like

dude well it wasn't even be a pussy it's like it was more of like I had had such a crazy four days and he had none you know like he was around but he's not it's obviously so different so it's like he was in such a different world like

where it's like dude he's like eating schnitzel and being impressed. I got to swim in the Mediterranean with this person. You know what I mean? He wasn't in England. Why do I keep thinking that? That's like, no wonder you referenced Julie Delby earlier. Like, fucking before sunset is personal for you.

Yeah, yeah. Almost had that. Yeah, that's almost the same experience. Or sunrise. I don't know. They're all names. They're all, yeah. Why'd you let her go, Zach? Almost had that. Yeah, that's almost the same experience. Or sunrise. I don't know. They're all names. They're all, yeah. Why'd you let her go, Zach?

I didn't. I fought desperately. I clung to her like a barnacle to a beautiful whale. A beautiful Norwegian cruise line. And they scraped the, a man scraped me off. Yeah, I don't know. You just lose contact. I mean, that was 2008, you know?

Yeah, that's crazy. So, you know, I tried for a while. We Skyped. We did all that stuff. You're always going to ask, like, what if? Oh, for sure. Like, you have to go meet her again. Yeah.

Maybe he's dead and you can let him close that chapter. You go to her and you say, we were so 2008, but now are we so 2008? So definitely do not do that. I don't want 2008. I literally, if I was this girl and I had been considering you and you came up and I was like, oh my god, that guy is so into me, and then you said that,

I'd be like, I actually no longer care. Please go back. I hated you. I forgot about you. Is this woman your true love? No, I'm worried. We've got to get you all back together. I don't know. I mean you. I forgot about you. Is this woman your true love? No, I'm worried. We've got to get y'all back together. I don't know. I mean, it's hard to say after, you know what I mean?

Because I feel like maybe I've, over time, you kind of gloss it with some more romanticism. But you hit it off so immediately before. Yeah. And it was very deep. Like, you know, we weren't having like conversations like, oh, so like you like this kind of music. It was like, and that's when like this tragedy happened in my life you know where you're just like yeah this is such a crazy being in a different country kind of makes you more vulnerable i feel like absolutely you're just like you know what fuck my bullshit i'm gonna be real i'm present i'm grounded and you don't have

any like yeah there's no like well i gotta be here now you're just like this is where i'm at we're we're you know sitting on this patio overlooking this Italian port city. My heart's just broken for you now. I'm sorry. Charlotte is my fourth pick. Charlotte. Excellent pick. Beautiful story.

Thank you for sharing. Of course. Yeah, so Venus was the pick, but we're all going to, in our heads, imagine it's Charlotte. It's Charlotte. Yeah, so Venus was the pick, but we're all going to, in our heads, imagine it's Charlotte. It's Charlotte. With my next pick, I have to, I'm going with From Breakfast at Tiffany's, Holly Golightly. Okay.

From Breakfast at Tiffany's, that Chinese caricature played by, no, I'm just joking. Holly Golightly, played by Audrey Hepburn, not the one from the book. It specifically needs to be Audrey Hepburn's sort of toned down Holly Go Lightly. The main reason is Audrey Hepburn, the most beautiful woman of all time, in my opinion. So beautiful. Belgian, much like myself, partially, you know, so we can connect on that level. Partially. Had a pet.

Had a little pet deer. I'd be into that but again that's not hologo lightly but uh i liked it she was just like uh she was like kind of a tough cookie yeah she's guarded as fuck that's like her whole character oh well yeah yeah yeah until she started opening up when somebody showed her like true affection well she threw her cat out of a taxi let's forget that part that's okay she seems kind of impulsive he's never been a big cat guy yeah but no she does go find it she does go find the cat in the rain only kind of because the guy's like no surely you want your cat yeah so like she seems very guarded and then also like impulsive and not that fast to commit to something like to a real relationship yes and very flirtatious as like a brand.

Well, yeah, but that's her brand for survival because she needs to flirt with these rich guys. Do you think you could break down those walls? I think I could get there eventually, yeah. Wow. For a while. Wow. I've done it before. I have done it before.

All right, Ian. Your backstory. We need to Ian that. I have dated some Holly Golightly's in my time. I think all of us have a little Holly Golightly about us. Yeah, yeah. You need to be guarded. If I just keep throwing parties, no one will notice I'm broken.

Right, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, totally. Maybe I should have taken a different Audrey Hepburn character. I mean, I think it's interesting. It was down to her Princess Anne from Roman Holiday, who also would have been good, but I could never be in the royal court. Well, and she also is just really cool.

She has a lot of cool friends. She's super cool. She's like a cool New York. There's going was just really cool. She has a lot of cool friends. Super cool. She's like a cool New York. Like we're going to, there's going to be fun parties. She travels a lot. We don't, we don't need to get married,

but we can like date for a little while. Yeah. And she's like kind of carefree, which is attractive on the first few dates. Attractive. I'm even fine with this being sort of like a, like maybe in this scenario, I'm like a,

a writer in New York. Okay. Rather than in Hollywood. And I'm like, you know, it's a fully... Are you fully committed or maybe like casual with her?

I mean, I'd like to be fully committed. But if it's just casual, that's fine too. Yeah. That'd be a tough one to flip. I mean, it'd be a tough wall to break down, but maybe I don't need to. Maybe it can just be a casual thing

with Holly Golightly. Just like get drunk together and like hang out, like have some weird nights that go to like 7 a.m 7 a.m yeah doing what like like that early that like 50s cocaine that night where it seemed like less seedy somehow yeah what's like you have yeah of course yeah you have those nights that like the next day one of your friends is like so how was that date and you're like i can't i don't know like i can't even describe it to you it would never it would

if if i wrote this down on paper it would not make sense i woke up with 30 bagels in my fridge so i think it's pretty good uh yeah i just mostly wanted to be with audrey hepburn yeah and i think this is the coolest kind of most fun version of Audrey Hepburn. I think that's definitely the most charming version. She was so charming. She was great in Charade, too. Have you ever seen that? I haven't seen Charade, no. That's a great...

Walter Matthau and Cary Grant. Cary Grant, isn't it? Yeah. I haven't heard of it. It's a very, he's way older than she is type role. Okay. Yeah. Over it.

It's okay. It's probably still good. But he's like Cary Grant, so it's not like, he's not skeevy. He's like a George Clooney type of a deal. In the interest of time, I'm going to move on to your fourth pick. Yeah, okay.

Listen. Also, who's your third pick? I completely forgot to write it down, and for some reason I can't remember. I think it was Sheik. Sheik. Oh, Sheik. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay, y'all. Okay, sometimes you just want like a fucking like a man you know you're just like i just needed some muscle fucking meat that's all i want yeah that's the only way i get dates it's a slab of beef hanging on a chain in the garage yeah that's what i want. Just drifting in the wind. Just drifting. Yep.

So I have like five options here. It's really hard to choose the top one, but honestly, I think I have to go Wesley from The Princess Bride. Oh. Sure. Because he is the man. Like he's such a man, but there's none of that like

afraid to show emotion manliness going on. Yep. Boy, I didn't know. When you said manly, I did not picture. Well, okay. Compared to my other picks. What were the other ones? A poet.

Ziggy. A fucking Ziggy Stardust. Yeah, I guess so. I do like a feminine energy. Oh, yeah. He's great. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, he's also young. Cary Elvis. Yeah. I don't want to say his name. Kind of But like, I mean, he's also young. Cary Ellis. Yeah. I don't want to say his name. Kind of doing like an Errol Flynn type look. I never think of a man with a thin blonde mustache as very manly, but I get it. To a certain era. Yeah.

You know, like as much as I want to choose Thor. A swashbuckler. Or like Jon Snow, which I do want to choose. I think I get bored with them. Yeah. I'm thinking like, I'm thinking not just a couple dates or a couple like lays. I'm thinking like long term. Jon Snow would cry a lot.

Jon Snow's way too intense. Yeah. Just too intense. intense yeah and everything to be like no we have to take the dishes and i just be like i don't can you fucking chill bagels i guarantee you he smells too they said one sex scene in game of thrones and i was like i'm not impressed my man that's just missionary staring in her eyes like fuck you bring it down yeah right he'd be so damaged whereas like fucking Wesley like he commits his whole

first of all he's worked his way up from the bottom he was like a farm hand and now he's like a full on knight I don't know what you want to call him

a dread pirate dread pirate yeah he goes through so much turmoil to be with his love so he believes in love which is like

already he's like got a lot of heart as you wish he's an amazing fighter there's the manliness like he can fight and kill anyone but he's like got a lot of heart. As you wish. He's an amazing fighter. There's the manliness. Yeah. Like he can fight and kill anyone.

But he's also a man of wits. He beats the inconceivable guy, the drinking king. He does, yeah. He's got a gangly crew who maybe I could like, we have a weird night. I could also hook up with them to see what that's like. Whoa. I mean. You're swinging with Leslie?

Are you sleeping with Andre the Giant in this situation? You gotta try it once. Yeah, you have to. You have to. You have to. If you're presented with that opportunity, you've gotta try it. You have to really see it. And maybe the next morning you're like, sorry man, that was weird. And he goes, yeah.

And you go, all right, cool. Like you're both a little hazy. Like you've had two drinks and he's had 45 beers. Yeah, he's a little buzzed. He's like, anybody want a penis? And you're like, I can't. How do I not? Who's the other guy?

I thought so. Inigo Montoya guy Inigo Montoya he came back prepared to die and I'm like yeah say that again Inigo Montoya

looks like he plays or he sells his Spanish guitar album at the airport yeah I like to think that maybe he like he like

he's a bullfighter that's kind of more where I went with it sure sure sure or he sells Spanish guitar album at the airport by the way

but mostly it's just Wesley because he's just like, I'm not into blonde men generally, but oh my God. Carrie Elwood. I'm sorry. But in that movie, I don't know why light features don't usually do it for me, but in that fucking movie, I would like literally trap him immediately. Like even when he's the farmhand I would have been like I don't care that you work for my family and you shovel manure all day.

Can I marry you and have your children forever? He had a weird career. I always thought he was going to be like more famous than he was. And he's still really good. He was great in Saw. Yeah, he's like, yeah. But like, but that's the thing.

Like Saw? Uh, hell, Liar Liar. Yeah, but like And then one recently that I Saw uh hell Liar Liar yeah but like and then one recently that I can't remember I always thought Saw thought leading man for him

but never other than he must have taken a break or some weird thing something yeah yeah chop it like chop that to fucking hell and also as you wish

like what woman doesn't want to be told that all the time yeah I also think though he plays that balance we talked about earlier of like never choosing

the restaurant I think he would choose a restaurant because if I was like I wish you would choose a restaurant because if I was like I wish you would choose a restaurant I'd be like as you wish

as you wish right do you have problems with choosing restaurants like when you're by yourself no because I also have that oh no

well if I'm too hungry yes I'm like I don't know what I want or if I've exhausted all the like all the real close options

and I'm like I don't want any of that I do get that or you just be like fuck it I'll just walk to that subway on any of that. I do get that. Or you just be like, fuck it. I'll just walk to that subway on the strip mall. Yeah.

I've been there. Yeah. But usually it's like if it's Friday or something, you're like, oh, let's go to dinner. What do we want? And you're like, fuck. I don't know. It's also like I just lack creativity and I'm like, oh, well, I know these five options and it's hard for me to think outside of the box. Yes.

Well, that's great then for your chef choices. Yeah, exactly. They won't help you with that. Speaking of your choices, who's out for your fourth and then also your final pick? Okay, fourth and final. I don't think it would be a fantasy date draft

if there wasn't a vampire on the list. I'm going to go with Eric Northman from True Blood. Yep. So why him over Sookie's boyfriend? I just like tall gangly blonde guys. It's like me. He's ripped.

He's tall. He's my height. We would, yeah. He's also kind of evil again. He's kind of evil. He's a scar scar. Alexander Scar Scar. You're like kind of tame but evil. Tame but evil. Yeah, that's a good type.ård. Alexander Skarsgård. You're like kind of like tame but evil. Tame but evil.

Yeah, that's a good type. I like a little bit. I definitely like I want a little brokenness. Uh-huh. Is that weird? No. I want like a little

They've been there. They're real. Unless it's like somebody that has had a perfect life is not interesting to me. No. And I need somebody that's gone through

a little bit of hardship to like If someone's on a pedestal it's intimidating. It can never somebody that's gone through a little bit of hardship to like. If someone's on a pedestal, it's intimidating. It can never really be an equal relationship. And it's maybe not even hardship,

but like, I don't know, that is like traveled or just like, like, you know, like done. Has some life experience.

Has some life experience. And maybe some trauma that helped them grow emotionally. What was his, I've never seen True Blood. What was his? He was a bad vampire.

He was a bad vampire? In the beginning. But he wasn't, but he was in the beginning. His arc is that you think a bad vampire. He was a bad vampire? In the beginning. But he wasn't. But he was in the beginning. His arc is that you think he's just like the most evil dude in the world. Yeah. And then slowly you're like, actually, he's just kind of hardened by life. Oh.

And then actually at the end, he's like a gem of a man. Oh, so he's a thunder. But he also was, I mean, yeah, he also is like 800 years old or how old? 500 years old or something? He was supremely old. He was like one of the more powerful vampires. so he's been through some shit and he runs this like vampire brothel type situation like a nightclub that's like really sexy and he just sits in a throne on stage watching people all night and it's like there's definitely some weird like kinky shit about it yeah and the

vampire in that in that franchise anyways like yeah fuck like an eight like i'm fucking yeah monsters vampires fuck all the time kind of gay they were like there was there anyways like fuck like an like a fucking monster vampires fuck all the time kind of gay they were like there was like some like well they didn't even like have like a sexuality there it was just like

how could you after 600 years still be like only girls only gals and then briefly he dates the main character Sookie

Sookie yeah and I actually was like really sad that that they didn't stay dating because it was so hot it was so hot but yeah I didn't like Bill in True Blood did you like they didn't stay dating because it was so hot it was so hot yeah i didn't

like bill and in true blood did you like bill didn't she she was like in love with bill yeah i thought he was hot but what i couldn't get over was how bad the british actor's southern accent was yeah he was literally he'd be like sucker and i'm like what the fuck are you trying to say was he trying to be southern yeah true blood it did go off the rails, though, in the last season. When they invented werepanthers, I was like, I'm going to go. Oh, yeah. I would see stuff like that and be like, they're going way off the reservation. Alan Ball invented Six Feet Under.

I think one of the most contestably greatest television shows of all time. And then was like, but werepanthers, though. Yeah. And then there was fairies and there was it got too much but eric northman was in there from episode one and always so hot so hot i'll give you but he's like i feel like the scars guards in general like it's like they shouldn't be hot but they are like they have like they'll have good bodies but then they have weird like yeah they have model faces where you're like why are you hot?

Look like aliens. You're almost more like interesting but like I can't stop looking at you. Right. Yeah. It's kind of the most like cutting type of hot though. Yeah.

Someone that just looks like you know like Minka Kelly or whatever you're like okay. Right. But then someone looks like kind of fucked up and you're like

there's a fascinating edge here. They look like otherworldly attractive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's just so muscular.

He's so muscly but he's also tall like he has lean muscles like a dancerly attractive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's just so muscular. He's so muscly, but he's also tall. Like he has lean muscles. Like a dancer. Swimmer muscles. Like that's a hard, I mean, I've tried to get there,

not going to make it. Yeah. It's time yet. Maybe when I was really ripped old dudes, you know, in your 60s, you'll be like cut as fuck. Oh yeah.

And like one of those weird pop-up ads. Yeah. Yeah. Five secrets. Doctors go on here. I want to join the swim league that Andy is in, but I can never get the courage to do it because I'm like, I'm too out of shape. And swimming is one of those things like you have to.

You have to be in shape. You have to like maintain it too. I don't know. Because you lose lung capacity, I think, if you don't. Well, to swim competitively. Especially I live like in an apartment by the highway that I'm sure is slowly poisoning me. Every morning I wake up, I'm like, why do my lungs hurt?

Anyway, fair enough. So there's your fourth pick and your fifth and final pick. All right. We're going to go have some weird ones. I guess we're going to go Chris Pine is the new Captain Kirk from the Star Trek movies. Those eyes. He has those eyes. And those lips.

Those lips that just sparkle. And I like the way, I'm a big Star Trek fan, and I like the way they've kind of reinvented Kirk as the- Kind of angsty. Like angsty, rebellious. Kind of obnoxious, but in a good way. Yeah. Kind of charming.

Yeah. Yeah. And also, he looks like one of those guys that's just permanently fighting his facial hair, which for some reason is very attractive. Like you have too much testosterone, I can tell. And I even like his, he does the voiceover on some like radio commercials and I hear his voice and I'm like, oh, even his voice is handsome. He's a good dude too. He's a nice guy. Yeah. Berkeley and it's like progressive and everything. I've run nice guy yeah berkeley and it's like progressive and everything i've run into him a few times and it's like he's around like he's kind of on stuff

like i somebody told me that like actually and i think this was at your show yeah like a year ago out front at ucb somebody's like after i'd like i was being an idiot outside on the sidewalk and then my friends were like you know, Chris Pine was standing right there. I think Chris Pine, I don't know. I could see him going to comedy shows. Is he trying to? I thought when he was hosting Saturday Night Live, wasn't he kind of working on like doing some comedy stuff? So I think he was kind of hanging around UCB a little bit.

Hot dudes love comedy. Jon Hamm. Chris Pine. Blake Griffin. Blake Griffin's pretty hot. Yeah. I think he's hot. Do girls think you think he's hot? I think he's hot. Do girls think you think he's hot?

I think he's hot. I can never tell. He's an attractive guy. He's a big dude. He's like the same thing. Eric Northman, whatever. Alexander Skarsgård situation. You're like-

Tall, muscular guy. You're just weird looking, but in a way that I like. Big legs, too. Yeah. Big, thick legs. Oh, yeah. I've been to his house. Who?

Yeah. In Brentwood or- Blake Griffin's house. Palisades? Bel Air. Oh, yeah. Palisades. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So everybody knows where he lives. Fine. Fine. I have his number if you want to text him. Was it Oh, yeah, Palisades, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so everybody knows where he lives. Fine. Fine. I have his number if you want to text him. Was it 1048 Media Drive? Yeah, of course, yeah.

Yeah, it was. Like Griffin's address. Yeah, everyone knows where he lives. 90211. 90211. What? Who's that? Is that an actual address?

Well, Media Drive is something, but it's not. Where's Media Drive? Anyway, Chris Pine's Captain Kirk. Excellent. Mielle, time for your final pick. Okay. I definitely want to make sure to get a few of these in the honorable mentions afterwards. Yes.

Because this is probably the hardest pick we've ever done in my experience. But I have to stay to my truth. So my last pick is Santa Claus. Whoa. Santa? Listen, I know you're like, that's an old, fat, stop whoa oh oh Santa listen I know you're like Santa baby that's an old

fat white man that's just so much body hair I understand what you're thinking but hear me out okay

first of all he's magic that's just a fact about Santa he's also married doesn't matter I'll have you know doesn't matter to me

so the magic maybe that can apply to his physical form. He can get down chimneys. Who's to say that he can't just be like, I'm only in this form for Christmas. And then now I'm this other form. Don't matter to me. First of all. Second of all, I guess, actually. I'm getting so flustered because I'm so excited about Santa.

That's okay. I want to know. I want to know all that stuff. And if there's one thing that's attractive to me, it's someone that can show me new things. I want to know. I want to know all that stuff. And if there's one thing that's attractive to me, it's someone that can show me new things. Like, just show me the world. I want to see things. Not only can he physically do that, because he has the power of, like, light year traveling.

I don't know what his flight secrets are. Well, I mean, he's got the reindeer. Yeah. Whatever it may be. But there's so many secrets to the North Pole that I want to know. There's so many secrets about him and his origin story that I want to know. Maybe he grew up an orphan in Eastern Russia. I don't know. Right. I want to know. St. Nicholas

was a... I thought he was going to go back to like Czech. He was sent to a present gulag. He was sent to a Czech tradition. Yeah. Bohemian... I don't care about St. Nicholas, y'all. I'm talking about Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Second of all. Third of all. Belly shakes like a bowl full of jelly i'm into that he's happy as fuck he is happy like i'm a depressive person being around someone that's happy all the time

couldn't be better for me you think it'd be good for you i think it'd be great for me you don't think it ever like oh i feel like you get annoying as long as he's empathetic that's the key here because he can be happy but as long as he can understand when I'm not and not try to just force me to be happy. Right. Yeah. Then he's just a positive influence. But what if you brush off on him and then one year he's like, you know what?

Fuck Christmas. He's Santa. It's not possible. It's not possible. If nothing's depressed him so far in the history of the world, he's not going to be depressed by any means. Oh, that's a great point. Don't people that are a little too altruistic annoy you after a while?

It's like, yeah, we get it. You're doing all this. Yeah, but you're forgetting that he's extremely rich. Like supremely rich. Think about how much money this dude must have to give away so many presents every year. Yeah. And also to have a whole army of slaves. We don't know

the exact labor conditions of the North Pole. Well, I would find out. And it would also be great for my career because the exposés I could write. Right. Santa's a neat thing. Yeah. I could write all about exposing any turmoil in the North Pole or making sure everyone knows how great it is. Doing some lifestyle interviews.

You might blow up the spot. He would let me because I'm his girlfriend. He's like, you know what? This would be great for your career. I understand. Go on. It'd be amazing. If there's one gift I can give you. It's to let you fully film the entire facility. Imagine what you could have dating Santa. Imagine what that I can give you. Yeah. It's to let you fully film the entire facility. I mean, imagine what you could have dating Santa.

Imagine what that would do for you. I wonder if you'd be first on the list. To date him? Well, like, you know, the list that he keeps. Would he move you to the top? Would he forego alphabetical? You know, actually, you're raising a great issue of he would give the best Christmas gifts, which is kind of a big deal. Because, like, if you ever dated someone that's really great but maybe just fucking sucks with gifts

and then around your birthday you're always a little disappointed or Christmas or anniversary or Valentine's Day or whatever and you're like, you got me a box of chocolates from the drugstore. Don't you have to tell him what you want? No. He knows.

Okay. The other thing is though, couldn't lie. That is a negative. He knows everything. He sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. That's true. He would know everything. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He would know everything.

Yeah, you can't be like, traffic was so shitty. I'm so sorry. But at the same time, he'd know if I was in trouble. He'd know if I was feeling bad. He'd know if I needed help, which is always a fear. What if I choke alone? That's my worst fear. He could know. He could help me. He can just apparate wherever. That's true because he does

deal equally with Naughty and Nice, so you'd have expertise on both. Yeah. Yeah. I think he seems fair, and ultimately in a relationship, that's a big issue. If you're fair or not. Or if you change the fairness spectrum to suit your own agenda. I don't think Santa does. I think he's probably a stand-up

guy, and also probably has a lot of great food lying around all the time. And doesn't even matter, he's gonna, He can get into where you live. Yeah. Chimney, no chimney. I don't have to get keys made. It's amazing. Listen, as anyone who's cool dating a big fat guy, I'm cool with.

I'm on board. Are you kidding? The thing is, he's Santa, so he's not just going to lie there, too. He's going to work for you. Oh, he's going to put in work. And everyone knows your boyfriend. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I know him. Of course. Can Santa come? can santa come of course you never have to ask for a plus one

again i just show up with it everyone's like oh my god awesome thank you for bringing it santa's already on the list yeah i put santa on the list on all my comedy shows just in case oh i'm so sorry one more santi claus santi claus actually 12 cops i checked the uh santa claus santa claus sorry i'll need actually 12 cops i checked the uh santa tracker and he's around these parts he's around santa tracker in like march

so i'm like still up oh i wonder if it is someone's paying to just have him stay in the north pole for fucking 11 months i'm sorry barry

we have an actual gps locator you're gonna have to just be there 364 i wanna know his real name too like what if like he's cliff, you know?

Cliff Claus. Well, Kris Kringle, right? Oh, yeah, Kris Kringle. Does he have siblings? Christopher Kringle. Well, who are his parents? You know what? That's another thing.

Probably marrying into a tight family. That's a big deal, too. Yeah. It checks out. You might have to worry about residual Miss Claus magic. You know what, though? I'm going to assume in this scenario, she either died or is okay with it. Because like

Santa's such a good guy he's not going to play anything. I love that we've had several people that they're either dead or divorced now. We have to I mean there's certain

people where we just have to be like you just have to be like oh that person's not tied to them. I also think Mrs. Claw's is kind of like a later add-on.

I'm not even sure that's real. That's true. I feel like that's just people being like and Jeffrey Claw's his cousin. And they never really gave her a duty they're just like she just kind of hangs out until santa claus comes what's her first name carol martha martha barbara claus barbara just call me barb claus what the fuck does she do clean all year whoa barb claus

okay that's my pick. Sorry. Barbara Claus. Santana Claus. Oh. Carlos Santana Claus? Santa Santana Claus. Okay, with my final pick, I'm going to take somebody I can settle in with for the long haul. It's my final pick. It's also just going to be the final person i ever end up with suki saint james from gilmore girls really

played by melissa mccarthy oh so so sweet and funny really driven amazing chef again like she some of the food she cooks on gilmore girls so good. And the way people talk about it, they'll go all the way to Stars Hollow just to get a taste of that food. I've never seen it. She sounds awesome. You haven't seen it? Oh, she's fantastic. And it's Melissa McCarthy. So you know we're going to laugh together.

I'm on board. Yeah. Going to buy a house in Stars Hollow, grow old together, go to all the different winter carnivals and stuff. And she would love you as you are. Oh, yeah. There's no part of her that would be trying to change you. And I would love her as she is. She's yeah. There's no part of her that would be trying to change you. And I would love her as she is. She's already great.

Me and Suki. Suki. Yeah, Suki St. James. I don't know about that name. Would she take your last name? Suki Carmel. Yeah, that's better. Yeah.

Let's punch this stuff a bit. Oh, that sounds too much like my mom's name. Sue Carmel. She'll keep her. I'll go by St. James. Ian St. James? Ian St. James.

Actually, this could be great for you. I might go by Ian St. Carmel. Ian St. Carmel Ian St. James. Whoa. Actually, this could be great for you. I might go by Ian St. Carmel. Ian St. Carmel? That'd be good. It does have a certain je ne sais quoi to it. Right. I could see that headlining. Oh, sais quoi. It's awesome. I know exactly sais quoi. So it seems like the cooking thing. That's like a big

thing for you guys. Well, that's the only one I've had who can cook. I don't think any of these other... But it's even notable for you. Tammy might be able to. It'd be nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's so only one I've had who can cook. I don't think any of these other Tammy might be able to. It'd be nice. Yeah. That's so sweet. I like food. I do too, boy. Zach, it's time for your final pick. Alright, final pick.

Like me, I've got a lot left on the board here, but I'm gonna have to go Peggy Olsen from Mad Men. Oh, shit. Elizabeth Moss. Yeah, explain. She's my favorite character on that show. Okay. She deals with so much bullshit.

And she is, man, whenever I think of her, I think of there's a shot later in the series when she's moving to her, the company that she's worked for, she is disbanding she has to everyone's moving on she shows up smoking a cigarette wearing sunglasses

with a fucking painting of an octopus fucking a woman and she's just strolling to her first day of work like I'm fucking here dudes you're gonna have to deal with it yeah and like just I don't know man like she just never in that whole show she never gets a boyfriend that like fucking treats her right well the landlord guy was kind of good right

uh well the guy she lives with for a while he's okay but you know like he's so politically active and all that like yeah kind of shit and she stabs him so i don't really see i don't think that i forgot about that last but yeah she's just man she just she goes to work she works hard and then she like tries to uh one of her other boyfriends gets mad for her being late on her own fucking birthday yeah that's right so do you would you take the end of series peggy or beginning of series i would take end of series peggy i would like to yeah yeah for sure Like she's on the other side of it. She's not sweating on the day to day. But I mean, she's she's just enormously talented, enormously talented, overlooked often. She's like, you know, for a lot of those for a lot of those pitches, she's the one doing it.

And Don takes the credit. Right. So you want to be her champion? Yes, absolutely. I want to be her Peggy Olsen. You want to be the man behind the woman? Yes. That's a, I feel like that's kind of an arc for your pick. You want someone to be your champion? You want to be someone else's champion. Yep. I'm growing, they were like, because she was a cool character, but then finding out how hot Kate or Elizabeth Moss was. Yes. There was like some like photo shoot.

I was like, oh my God, she's like stunning. Yeah. I feel like those costume shows were kind of mean to her. Oh yeah. And then the name Peggy. Yeah. It's also just very like, not a hot name. And that was like, yeah, i feel like they played it up in

early seasons because that was kind of her like role in the office too was that everyone was kind of like ah we don't really you're like a woman but you're not crazy attractive like joan is so she was allowed to kind of hang around and be like an account person because people didn't kind of see her as like valuable that and like kind of like as a complete sexual object you know um yeah and she's i don't know she was always she everything she did in that show was like she believed in everything she was doing like that a lot of the show was her fighting against kind of the establishment between men and kind of also what her industry was that she was like the only one doing it so it's like she had to remain kind of

like clear-hearted i guess you know like her she didn't have a lot of like ulterior motives or any of that kind of stuff yeah yeah so that you know it's like you date amy dunn early on and then you meet the peggy, then you completely appreciate the Peggy. And then Amy Dunn kills both of you. But they both stabbed people. That is true. Well, I want to be sad.

Somebody has to finish. Venus probably did, too. Anyway, excellent pick. So just to go from MK, you picked first and you took remy the rat thomas barrow nate from the devil wears prada eric northman from true blood and chris pines captain kirk meal you went second and took ziggy stardust christian from moulin rouge chic from ocarina of time wesley from the princess bride and then santa claus i think yours are the most all over the place.

I went third and took Cher Horowitz from Clueless, Tammy Taylor, Morticia Adams, Holly Golightly and Sookie St. James. Zach, you went last and took Mona Lisa Vito,

Amy Dunn, the woman from the song Short Skirt and Long Jacket, the god Venus and then Peggy Olsen. Okay. We left some good ones on the board.

Can we throw out some honorable mentions because I wanted Legolas. Oh, yeah. I wanted P left some good ones on the board. Couldn't we throw out some honorable mentions? Because I wanted Legolas. Oh, yeah. I wanted Poussey from Orange is the New Black. Oh. I was going to choose

Josh from Clueless, Paul Rudd's character. Oh, yeah. First person I ever had a crush on in a real way. Paul Rudd's been around for a while. And the last one I didn't choose

was the Fox version of Robin Hood. Oh, yes. A lot of people connected sexually with him. Yeah. I did too, kind of. Yeah. He just was hot. There was something about him. And also he's Robin Hood. people connected sexually with him. Yeah. I did too, kind of. Yeah.

He just was hot. There was something about him. He's a good dude. Yeah. I almost picked Brigitte Nielsen's character from Rocky IV. Oh, a stern woman. Just because I want to feel like what it's like to be the little spoon. Yeah.

Yeah. I never have. Yeah, everybody deserves that. Yeah. I'm like 6'3", 300 pounds. I'm a big dude. I never get to be the little spoon. So it'd just yeah everybody deserves that yeah i'm like six three three hundred pounds i'm a big dude i never get to be the little spoon so it'd just be fun for a couple dates yeah she was huge she was huge wonder woman i almost picked for the same reason oh yeah oh yeah she's almost did uh sort of whisper our controversial opinions about Israel to each other.

Oh, no. And don't fly in polite liberal society. Or a couple of mine. With Sasha Fierce. After you took Sasha Fierce, Beyonce's alter ego was on my list. That would have counted. Oh, man. Yeah, but you took Ziggy Stardust, so I didn't want to like.

I was thinking Lady Gaga, but I'm like, that's more of a. You almost could. That is like, that's not Stephanie Germanoski. But I don't know that I'd't want to like. I was thinking Lady Gaga, but I'm like, that's more of a. You almost could. That is like, that's not Stephanie Germanoski. But I don't know that I'd want to date her. I would not. I think she'd be an interesting pick, but I don't know that she's like. You would have to be like support all the time. She would never be like.

I need a little emotional feedback. She's rude. Yeah. Stephanie is super nice, but Lady Gaga is rude. Yeah. Yeah. I had Marsha Clark from The People vs. OJ. Sarah Paulson.

For like a Peggy Olsen type of same deal. That's interesting, because that's a real person, but a fictional version of a real person. Jennifer Lawrence's character from Silver Linings Playbook. What? No. I was surprised there wasn't any Jennifer

Lawrence picks. I know, but she hasn't played any characters I'd really want to date. I wouldn't want to date the Silver Pennings one. Hugh Grant from Notting Hill. Oh. He's just charming as fuck. He's such a schlub. I'm sorry, I know this is probably not a popular

opinion, but I rewatched it recently and I was like, he was not worthy of her at all. I've never even seen Notting Hill, so I don't know. Oh, it's a great area. Reece Yvonne's is really good in it. Who is? Reece Yvonne's. Oh, yeah.

His roommate, right? Yeah. His crazy roommate. You got to see it, man. Yeah, it's great. This is some Notting Hill knowledge. Notting Hill. I need to watch it.

That'd be a fun one to watch. That'd be a good Thanksgiving movie. Oh, totally. That'd be fun. It is. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Right around the corner. Yeah'd be a good Thanksgiving movie. Oh, totally. That'd be fun. It is. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Right around the corner. Yeah, do a Thanksgiving show.

Right around the corner. Yeah, we're going to draft Things We're Grateful For. Oh, that's fun. Maybe. I don't know. I haven't even thought of that until just now. Yeah, unlike all the other drafts, which are also very positive, about Taco Bell specifically. Should I do a few that I left on the board?

Yes. This one's a deep cut. Jackson from Still Magnolias, Dylan McDermott's character. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you remember that scene where they're about to get married and he walks through the window wearing like a sweater, boat shoes and khaki shorts. It's just like the most handsome man in the world. Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter. Oh, my God.

I mean, I couldn't justify that one because I don't really, there's not a physical connection, but I just love her. Yeah, there's just something there. Yeah, she's great. I thought about Tonks. Yeah, Tonks. Yeah, Tonks. Tonks could be good.

And almost said Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen Buffy, so I don't know Xander. Heuffy the Vampire Slayer I don't know about that I've never seen Buffy so I don't know Xander same thing, chunky sweaters, nerdy guy from the 90s I would say unfuckable in my opinion but teach your own Nia Long in Soul Food, her birdie oh, I thought I needed a Nia Long

yeah this was some solid I'm not really upset about anybody we're all gonna go home and write slash pictures Amy Dunn I knew it was gonna be a controversial

I'm gonna like tweet you every so often make sure you're okay are you okay are there knives near you Zach in his private lair with Amy Dunn excellent picks

thank you thank you Miel MK Zach thank you for joining us thank you to the listeners make sure you send us

your lists on Twitter. And yeah, shout out to our Reddit. If you can and you haven't yet, subscribe to us on iTunes. Give us a five-star rating. If you give us a four-star, I will show up at your house and I will frown at you for an hour. A wordless frowning, the likes of which you've never seen before. And make sure you tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity! that was a hate gum podcast