All Fantasy Everything - Fictional Lawyers (w/ Kyle Kinane, Shane Torres, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

Happy Thursday and ALL the good vibes to everyone! This week we are joined by friends of the pod Kyle Kinane and Shane Torres! On this episode we're drafting "Fictional Attorneys!" because Mars is going to kill Shane for his audio recording and we're gonna need to get her a good lawyer!    Guests:    Kyle Kinane: @kylekinane IG: @kylekinane Shane Torres: @shanetorres IG: @shanetorres Podcast: No Accounting for Taste   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.    Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. real one. So why not just draft make-believe ones for fun while we're not in trouble? Joining us on today's episode, we have hilarious comedians just out there crushing the world of stand-up comedy and everything else, Kyle Kinane and Shane Torres. Now, Kyle and Shane, you can hear on their new podcast, No Accounting for Taste, which essentially just looks for the good in the bad. They're going to take things that people normally hate on, music, food, whatever, states, and they're going to find the good in them. So it's great. In these times, we need people searching for positivity, and they are going to help you do that. Now, on this episode, you are going to notice that the audio track is slightly subpar for one of our guests. Marissa did absolutely everything in her power. She called upon all of her training.

She even called upon the training of a one Isaac Lee, a friend of the podcast. So they both put their minds together. They worked their magic. They sprinkled some magic salt on it. And the audio that you're hearing, if you're not thrilled about it, just imagine what it would have been.

So I'm not gonna point any fingers, but you'll know the track. And sometimes it just doesn't come across the way that it's supposed to. And it's nobody's fault. It's just electronics and the way that we're doing things. And plus, we're a bunch of doofuses, except for Marissa. So again, please enjoy. We know you will because you don't have a hateful bone in your body if you're listening to this. Bear with us and enjoy the content because it was an amazing episode. We're thrilled about it. As always, joining us, hilarious comedian,

co-host of the show, David Borey. My name is Sean Jordan. Ian Carmel, once again, firmly planted in Bolivia, in European soil. I keep saying Bolivia, I don't know why. He will be back shortly. Do not fret. In the meantime, please enjoy this brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything. Hit that theme music welcome to another brand new episode of Goddamn All Fantasy Everything. Whoa, whoa, whoa, throwing GD up top, huh? Yeah, dude, a podcast that is feeling saucy today. I'm excited, boys. Watch out, because I'm in a good mood. Just me? Oh, yeah, I don't know.

You guys, you can all talk, man. We'll introduce you when we do it. It's too early in the day to know what mood I'm in. it's like i'm gonna get a clock i'm gonna get wet tonight i'll tell you that what yeah what does that mean twisted sideways loose filming my filming my wet bar comedy special tonight yeah yeah i don't know if you'd make it past my name. He just gets hammered and says it. That's the wet bar comedy special. That's not a bad idea. Just start the wet bar comedy special.

Every comedy special is a wet bar comedy special unless you're a coward. Yeah, that is fantastic. Well, yeah, how are you boys doing? Everything good? Happy Thursday to you. Yeah, man. Happy Thursday to you, Sean. You're the one. You woke up with a child today. None of us did.

Yeah. It's gonna happen every day until I die. What a fucking grim way to say good morning. Jesus Christ. I was doing... You're gonna be here every day until I die. I was doing... I do these bits. Social bits. One of them is

every time I change Max's diaper, I'll hold it up and I'll go to Laura. I'm like, you want this? And just like, just to me, it's funny. And every time she's like, no, I don't want the diaper. And I go, you sure? You just want me to toss it? You can have it. And the other day she didn't look like she was having it too much. And I go, I'm going to do that

until one of us is dead. So, you know, I'm just going to keep doing these bits. You know your child doesn't wear diapers. Yeah, you got like another two years and then it's... No, she's going to wear them for a long time. She's like, what do you just do? Like, hey, I'm not going to eat these fries. Does anybody want them? Is that a bit?

No, you know, another one of my favorite bits I'll do is when we're going in somewhere, I'll open the door just enough for me, and then I'll just slide through and shut it. Going into a restaurant or something. One of my favorite things to do is, I would wait for the waitress to leave after I was on a date with Maggie. And then as soon as the waitress was starting to walk away, I'd be like, I think she seems really nice.

I don't know what you're talking about. I like that bit. nice I don't know what you're talking about yeah oh yeah it didn't work out well get the door did you remember Zack talking about how he would drive around all the time looking and he would pass up he would pass all these open spots and then ali would just be like what the fuck are you doing and he's like i'm just looking for the right one and he would like pull in halfway but i don't think i can get it and then he would just back out and drive around the lot i don't i don't like the feel of that one i don't love these bits they're hilarious hilarious to hear about, not to participate in. I'd be so pissed if I'm trying to see Judge Dredd at 420 and you're having parking shenanigans.

Parking shenanigans. I like that you threw in 420 as the time you were saying this. Of course I did. And then I'm going to see Judge Dredd. Which one? There's a lot to unpack in that one riff you had there. I liked it. You said everything you need to know about you.

Yeah, no, no, no. I really put my eggs on the table. Putting your eggs on the table. What are we not here today, Sean? Oh, no, let's talk about putting your eggs on the table. Nuts. Eggs is synonymous for nuts. Yeah, well, I'm excited.

Ian, still doing something in Bolivia. I don't know exactly what it is. He's there. I was talking to the Bolivian consulate, I believe. Is that the right word? And they were saying that he's going to be there for a while. So I don't know. Eventually when they let him out. a couple of our favorites one one regular one not so regular uh first we'll talk uh to our friend kyle kyle canane joining us at kyle canane on twitter at kyle canane on instagram did i get it right yeah dog cross platforms how you living playboy am i the not so regular you're the not so regular shane's been on probably because shane's been on probably 30 times and i think this is your third time because you you poop funny. Kind of hurts. I poop funny? He just leaned into, because you poop funny. I was wondering if we were just going to let that stay on the table, or somebody was going to fudge it. I already had like four dick jokes.

No, if it's a poop bit, trust me, baby, I'm picking it up. No gloves. Well, I was going to say, you're talking about how you hate bits, and I'm super gullible. So I'm like, wait, did I say something about how I poop? Like, I feel like I did, like, make a statement. Well, if David picks up that poop, he can hand it to Lauren and see if she wants it. No.

Stop it. Careful, that's how they got the first one. That's my world out there. No's how they got the first one. That's my world out there. No, we actually got the first one through IVF. It's a very expensive process, and it pains me. We actually went through IVF. We really tried to have a kid. All those people that have the kids by mistake, and I was just like, well, we spent a lot

of money to have ours, so whatever, but not upset about it or anything. So Kyle, how you doing, man? What are you up to? There's, oh God, so much to unpack with both of the regular host statements uh on this time around i'm great i'm fantastic i woke up in a child-free household uh of my own volition and uh things are things are great i love it i'm just saying yeah we got tonight. I know after when you're hearing this, we will have done faded about a week ago, but I'm excited. It's the first like actual legit.

We have a venue faded tonight. Yeah. And we got the poor the one finally. The banner is late. So I got a tarp and some spray paint. So it might be kind of a wonky banner behind us, but we'll see how it goes. You know, we're just going to play jazz. How many problems have you solved with that

exact combination of items? A couple, dude. It was the coolest marriage proposal I've ever seen. I used to owe this guy a bunch of money, and then I got a tarp and spray paint, and now I don't owe him any money. Because you wrapped him up in the tarp after you gassed him out. And then I spray painted, fuck ask me get the money now uh kyle what do you got coming up you got a lot of stuff coming

up yeah yeah you got your you got your dates you got them on you do plugs at the beginning so the pressure's on yeah man we shake it up all right man philadelphia helium comedy club Philadelphia Helium Comedy Club. Max is out there crying. All right, don't worry about me. Yeah! I think it's July 13th, 14th, and 15th for you, right? It's 14th, 15th, and 16th, but how's your daughter doing? Is she all right? Yeah, she's out there crying. Max is crying.

There's a bird. Laura, I want Cheerios. Kyle, tell them your Instagram account. You know, you guys are going to get me in a bad mood. I woke up in such a good mood. Can you hear her? No. She's really not having it.

We're not fathers. Yeah, yeah. We can hear a baby cry if it's not ours. Yeah. We all spend money to not have one snip snap well kyle if you don't have your plugs that's fine man what listen do you need to go take care of your family right now sean no i'm all good kyle go to kyle's website she's on the road like crazy uh he's going to what i mean i could pull i'll pull it up right fucking now i could just tell it to you i just want to know if you are focused on

the show or if you need to take care of your family i'm extremely focused looking off the camera like oh she crying she out there crying oh yeah she's crying all right well there's an adult with her it's not like she's by herself any more details you want louisville comedy club july 21st to 23rd just keep it all right there we go you're gonna go to that uh you're gonna go to that museum they have in uh that uh nope never mind i was thinking about the aquarium they have in kentucky but that's uh next to cincinnati i'd probably quit this podcast i think i'm done no you're good uh you just put trampoline in a ditch on youtube right i did sure yeah for free filmed it uh in madison

yeah comedy i'm excited about it i was excited to see it it's nice it's it's nice when you put out an audio album two years ago and uh did a lot of effort to promote it people like oh man you got a new special i'm like no it's the thing that's been out for two years it's just on youtube yeah but now you can see it there's some fun no i'm glad people like it it's just weird how much uh people just watch uh youtube that's that's it just put everything on youtube stop fucking around with other things i watch it constantly that's i watch it more than netflix or any i mean it's always youtube yep always always like skate videos i've been watching you guys remember the dude snow who did that song informer i've been watching this like mini doc on him that dude is gnarly he's kicked out of america he's kicked out

of japan for life he speaks chinese he it's crazy what are you gonna teach your daughter that i'm already teaching her who do you think's watching it with me why is he kicked out of these places he did not say he glosses right over it he doesn't even say his hit song was informer and he can't offer any information on why he's been kicked out of two countries that's the vibe i'm getting i mean the song wasn't called informant touche it's like the scorpions winds of change thing there's something government going on yeah yeah yeah sorry about that man that was one of my favorite songs back when i was right yeah i'm not crazy nine or ten that man who is wondering if that was the scorpions or not that sing winds of change uh a one shane torres shane

torres on twitter shane torres on instagram is it all yes yeah cross platform thing now yeah tight no more syrup mountain hey guys hold on real. Max is playing horseshoes, so we gotta... She can't play horseshoes yet. Not after what happened. Yeah, Shane Torres on Instagram and Twitter and I'll be... If anyone in Portland's listening, I'll be there the day... Does this come out next week? Yeah, next...

I'll be there the 7th, 8th, 9th. Maybe some special guests who are on this podcast at this very moment will drop by and hang out for a little bit. Yeah. David's going to be in town. That'll be tight. Yeah.

And then it'll be the house of comedy in Detroit the following weekend. And the good news is that if you don't like me, Kevin Hart is playing the basketball arena down the street and Billy Ball is playing the theater across the street. So whatever's left over, that's what your boy gets. You guys, you guys you guys gonna meet up and grab a bite after shows that night i would love to like if you want to know what the voting block in a swing state looks like this is the weekend that is gnarly yeah they were like they

emailed me like hey saturday's not looking good building Bill Ingvall, Kevin Hart, and Ted. I'm like, do you think any of those people are coming to see my fucking show? They emailed you and said Saturday's not looking good? Saturday's not looking good because my career's in shambles. It's got nothing to do with Kevin Hart. I'm not giving him that. You think anyone's sitting at their table and like, well, she wants to go see Ingvall. I want to go see Torres. We got a tiny black guy and a hillbilly.

Well, let's split the difference and go with this half Mexican fella playing for half the price. I want to go see Torres. We got a tiny black guy and a hillbilly. Well, let's split the difference and go with this half-Mexican fella playing for half the price. We're going to get the best of both worlds. He's got to cover a lot of bases, given what else is in town. I'll fuck a stool and say some redneck riddle shit. I don't care. Dude, what's Bill Ingvall's? There's your sign.

That's Bill Ingvall. Yeah, that's his fucking goddamn travesty. God damn, what am I doing with my life? Split the difference. Oh, man. Also, Kyle and I have a podcast called No Counting for Tastes. Yeah, dive into it a little's the what's the show about we do we defend uh we defend things that you just want to make fun of all the time so i guess maybe our next topic might be the king uh blue collar comedy tour

i would love that honestly i i stand by half of those comics on that tour. Half? Totally. Yeah. Which half? Wait, it's only four, right? Do you just mean Ron White? No. Ron White twice?

Yeah. Larry the Cable Guy. Larry the Cable Guy and Jeff Foxworthy. It's not a terrible... That's your two? I think Jeff Foxworthy's funny, unless did he do something bad? But I mean, in general, comedy. Just stand up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But I mean, in general, comedy. Just stand up. Shot his ass.

You hear that? You hear that? You don't remember his old redneck words where he's like, which did you? Stuff like that. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise a lot of people in here. You don't remember those?

When he goes, initiate. My girlfriend ate 10 buffalo wings. Initiate a whole plate of fries. It's hilarious. That shit still makes me laugh. I don't know. I don't know why I'm caping so hard for Jeff Foxworthy out here.

Well, Ron White gave me my first TV credit. Yeah, he sure did. And what was that again? Ron White's comedy salute to the troops. An evening of star-spangled banter. I'm going to love it forever. It was cool. That is cool.

I think it's cool. It was cool. You know what? I told you the story, right? Like, I was doing Star Bar on Monday and closing it out in Atlanta. And he just came down and watched the whole show and got shit-faced. And I was finished. I was like, this is going to be my last one.

He's like, do two more. Then he got all fucked up and came in the back and he just started... You know when a grizzly bear of a man will slap your shoulders and really shake you and kind of be like, you're all right. You know, you're just like fucking... I know you're complimenting me, but it feels like you're going to hurt me. That's you when you

hang out with us, Shane. Yeah, I know. Papa met a grizzly. I became a cub. Is Ron White a big boy? I guess I never put that together. He's a pretty big dude, yeah. So I love Ron White

and if I have to pick one of the other two... You don't have to. No, I like this. I'm probably going i'm probably going foxworthy even though really well here's right because like i don't love the jokes but they do make sense like in a mathematic kind of way you know like like they're paid by numbers so at least i'm like i get why it works with with larry i'm kind of like. They're paid by numbers. I get why it works. With Larry, I'm kind of like... But I like characters, too.

I think we all know who's not making the podium. That's my rival next week. Two weeks from now. Bill Ingvall. That guy is Slovenia in the basketball Olympics. You're just staring across the street. It's pouring rain. Ingvall.

Ingvall. I just got it tattooed on my knuckles you're doing that like fear thing it puts it says ingvall forever and you're pounding your chest you have a sign but it just says i'm trying to feed my kids and you stand up in front of a comedy club with it crushing the ingvall here's my sign uh on this podcast have a lot of people have been known to make fun of everything bagels. Do you stick up for them? You ever do that? Where's he in? He's in Europe.

He's in Bolivia. He keeps the gang going. It's a prison cell in Bolivia. It's the European prison cell in Bolivia. Hold on, everyone. Max is taking her first steps. Sean's got to ruin another thing. she took her first steps quite some time ago man very early did she really yeah she's walking all over the place right now that's fucking cool oh god if you were my dad sean i'd try getting out of there too so i think i as i was saying i'm like this just sounds more

mean than funny as a bit because we all love Sean. It doesn't work. It doesn't work with old Sean Jordan. I can handle it. No, but you're too straight. That's why the bit doesn't work. Oh, buddy. Thank you. As I was saying, I'm like, this doesn't fit. No, it works.

Man, I love bailing out on jokes live on the air. Yeah, isn't that good? Now, that man that thinks that's good. See, I'm doing it. That man that thinks isn't that good uh not on twitter cool guy jokes 87 on instagram coming to you live and direct from denver colorado david borey how you living my friend i'm very good man you know it's uh muggy day out here in uh the mile high city dude we just got through a heat wave is it is it all gnarly there it's like

super hot muggy no it's No, it's like 85. It's okay. I've been outside. I'm grilling spam. My life is going dead. I can see your screen. Your screen looks like suntan lotion on sunglasses, man. I don't know why it looks like porno. It looks like I'm shooting a softball.

Yeah, yeah. Your face looks thin, man. You look like you're losing weight. Well, you know, that's because I'm on the Red Shoe Diaries. Fuck it. Oh, don't. You don't remember the Red Shoe Diaries? You don't remember the Red Shoe Diaries?

Fox Mulder's earliest TV gig? No, that was the South Core on Showtime. Oh, Cinemax, yeah. That was David Duchovny, though. Was it really? Oh, you're right, it was. Oh, it was like the preamble for californication yeah he just took some time out to look for aliens in between the two

what an amazing can somebody please bring back correct competitive erotic fan fiction and write that story i don't think cookie would allow it i used to get so that was the most stressed i ever got doing comedy was having a right because i knew i was like i going to have to read this out loud and I cannot read out loud. Every time I was like, this is going to be terrible. And Brian, of all people, is right next to me, the person who scares me the most when I'm screwing up. I used to get so scared

all the time. Who would have thought that you wouldn't be great at reading in public? Nobody. I'm pretty open about it. It's also like, how much anal can I make the cast of family matters do after a while it's just yeah redundant i'm making i'm making it just in and of itself i'm making the muppets do things that i'm gonna have to go to church about this weekend yeah they called him animal for a reason dude there was there was such a stinker one time i had yoshi that was my thing and i was

like oh i'll just should we explain this to the listeners if they don't know what it is can i say my goddamn dates yeah i just want to say my dates man say i just want to say my fucking dates yeah now it's gonna sound all angry july 8th and 9th i'm gonna be at the dallas comedy club uh july 12th through 16 i'm gonna be at the rumors comedy club in winnipeg manitoba july 21st through 23rd i'm gonna be at the dc improv lounge august 5th and 6th dead crow comedy club wilmington north carolina august 12th and 13th hilarity Comedy Club. Also watch me on the latest episode of Paws with Sam Jay on HBO. Come to Faded Denver

and, you know, hug your loved ones. I saw you on Paws. I was surprised. I like that. Thank you. Dude, that's sick. There's a lot of shit going on. I don't have anything. I have none. Hold on, guys. Real quick. My roommate's emptying the recycling.

I don't want to interrupt. I don't have any dates. Yeah, that wedding was your last big gig. Man, that was a blast. That really was. I think I've got all the pictures back and shit. There's like a thousand photos. It was beautiful. Dude, it was so sick just looking around seeing everybody and i kept it together didn't start like bawling the whole i was yeah you really did held it down

i was i was so sure you were going to be crying like from when everybody got there yeah i mean kind of like you just get busy and you don't really have time and then the sound guy fucked up thankfully so i was a little little miffed and i didn't have room to cry so pissed about it but didn't your original sound guy get coveted or something like that yeah he did got covered like the night before it does yeah so that guy came in on the fly yeah i give him some credit but yeah yeah no you seem just so busy like you had so many hands to shape i talked to laura for like one minute. Yeah.

I think that's, uh, I think that's how it goes at your wedding. It's not for you. It's for like the, what the ceremony is for you. Everything else is just for like, you're throwing everyone else who paid.

You're the host. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I had fun. Rachel and I dance. No one else paid like a grand. That was the most we danced at a wedding.

I think it was, you guys were going for it. Yeah. Yeah. That was sick. Then we wouldn't got loaded in a hotel pool like white trash and sandy we did get loaded in a hotel pool and sandy god i went to bed and i just like i was like i'm done and i just went and raided the fucking like uh whatever the you know

the little grocery stand or whatever and i just like woke up and there were skittles all over my bed dude it's the worst when that has to be dinner that happens in denver a lot at the whatever the the hotel for high plans there's not there's no food around there ever so the commissary has to be dinner yeah dude where you like pringles and a string cheese and a snickers and like i learned from i learned i learned from amy miller years ago you just got to go to a grocery store in the daytime that's what i when i get to denver i will get you a pre-made sandwich for later yeah and then you won't or when you're at dinner you put something in your room before you go yeah otherwise you're just gonna wake up and you're gonna be shitting reese's

pieces for the next two days of the festival god damn hamster yeah foresight has never been a strong suit of male comedians. No, foresight, foreskin, I don't have either. No, man. Got rid of them. I got a five skin. Ask me about that. When can we see that?

When's that on the road? Well, that's on my OnlyFans. It's got soft edges. It's got a buttery hue. A buttery hue. A buttery hue. A buttery hue. A buttery hue. That's sick. My name is Sean Jordan.

Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Faded Portland. July 28th, we have Jamel Johnson. I think Tickle Sprague will go on sale. They'll be on sale by the time this is out, so do that. I don't really have any road dates coming up later. I don't think we're talking about them yet.

But there's some stuff coming up in the fall. And yeah, other than that, watch the Late Late Show with James Corden. Listen to all Fantasy Everything. Yeah, I think that's serious about all I got coming up. Now, we're not only gathered here to listen to me kind of blow at hosting and complain about not having any dates. But we are gathered here to listen to me kind of blow it hosting and complain about not having any dates but we are gathered here to draft fictional attorneys we fictional lawyers attorneys everybody be honest when did you find out those were the same thing what attorneys and lawyers yes like a long time ago for me it was in my 20s i guarantee it probably yeah yeah okay i felt like

on one side of the courtroom were lawyers on the other side were attorneys i 20s i guarantee it probably yeah yeah okay i felt like on one side of the courtroom were lawyers on the other side were attorneys i did too i thought it was like defense attorney and then lawyer was the like the prosecutor i always thought attorney was like a defense attorney he thought it was like a home and away kind of thing kind of yeah i thought attorneys were guilty or not guilty flips a coin he was dealing with a lot of people catching charges having to deal with the da i get it man dude we were watching it reminded me of just we were watching the staircase last night on hbo and they say conjecture and i was reminded of the time i said conjecture to my mom

when i was walking through lax and she was telling me like i was at lax on the phone like a total prick you know like a like an la person and she said something to me and i was like okay on the phone in public just don't put it on speaker yeah no i was it wasn't on speaker but just that i don't know i was walking and i was all i just felt like an asshole already is that what you think la is people walking and talking on the phones people everybody's walking and chewing bubble gum patting their head and rubbing their tummy at the same time you know tells me it is look at these two tasking at one time motherfucker i'm sorry hollywood she said something to me about her like a medical condition i was like oh so you haven't talked to a doctor so it's all conjecture at this point right away i was like you prick i just felt like such an asshole that never said like an asshole on the phone

i think it was the yelling at your mom's health using the word conjecture i don't know were you wearing a thresher shirt at the time yeah when my mom was sick and dying in a bed and the doctor gave us that it doesn't look good but you're not for sure so it's probably just conjecture hearsay i move for a mistrial, doctor. I'd like that condition stricken from the record, please. No, stricken. That's why we're here. She's stricken. That's actually why we're here. Nurse, have the

bailiff remand the subject into custody. All right. Now, to... What are we doing now? Rock, paper, scissors, right? To get the order of the draft, we're going to play a rollicking game of rock, rock paper scissors right to get the order of the draft um we're gonna play a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you yeah we did yeah he just said that was the whole lawyer attorney thing we're drafting fictional lawyers slash attorneys there they are lawyers slash attorneys same thing um now to to uh to get the order we play rocking well as mentioned before i was asking

if there's any if the court would show some leniency towards the definition of fictional attorney if we can include fictional judges on the basis that judges were attorneys at one point i think that'll be a case-by-case basis yeah i mean you are a first-time offender, but also, here's the thing. At first, I was for it. The more I think about it, no, because it doesn't go two ways. Like, I can't also pick a... Nope, that doesn't make sense. The point is, I don't think... No, I just don't think that it's fair because it's like, okay, we're picking butterflies and caterpillars when the thing was caterpillars.

All right, fair enough. I was using it as a bailout, so okay. I understand. I like it, but I am a guest on the pod, and I'm not technically allowed to practice law in this state. As a visiting attorney from out of state, I appreciate your agency. And that state is inebriated. I just wanted to ask. I wanted to clear the air on

it i had it i had one that i thought might have worked but all right was it judge dread no it was judge smales it was judge smales from caddyshack what about so like judge reinhold was going to be another one? There's nobody with the name attorney. All right. Listen, I got some other loopholes I'm going to be playing here, so. No, go nuts.

You brilliant legal mind, you. Yeah. All right. Rock, paper, scissors. Between the three of you, we're going to go on shoot. Everybody ready? All right.

Rock, paper, scissors. Between the three of you, we're going to go on shoot. Everybody ready? All right. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Kyle, odd person out. I know that rock smashes scissors, but there was one scissors, two rocks. Kyle, you will determine the order of the draft. Now, before we get to that, I will remind you that it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Well, somebody hit me last night and they gave me an example i try to use them uh whenever i can because i am running low uh as i you know this is like 200

so ben fitzpatrick uh hit me up and he said he works for fedex and it's a lot like when they load the truck and what they do is they load the truck and then they scan the top right package and then they scan all the way to the left and then they scan down one and then they do is they load the truck and then they scan the top right package and then they scan all the way to the left and then they scan down one and then they scan all the way to the right scan down one go all the way to the left scan down one all the way to the right so they scan them in that order but it's uh just sort of over down back down over down uh so yeah so basically if you pick fourth on the first round you pick first in the second round now that being said kyle what will the order of today's draft be um i want to go first

uh and then uh i mean it's just courteous to let the guests go first, so I think Shane should go second. Thank you. And then I feel like buttery-hued David Borey third. And then this way, if anything's going on with Max, you can be alert. And then once we've all gone, then okay, the child's settled child settled down sean you go forth hot corner that's right uh so we got kyle shane david and my damn self uh now kyle you'll be

starting us starting us off on the draft before we get to that pick we are going to take a quick commercial break. And we're back, everybody. Huh? It's not as animated, but we're still back. Still back. Starting off the fictional attorney's draft. Kyle Kinane, spark that bizzle playboy. What you got for me?

I just want to go first because I had a few choices. I'm going Vinny Gambini. Yeah. Had to. Had to. Had to. Had to. Yeah.

Right? Just for everybody listening, it was Vinny Gambini is his last name, right? For my cousin Vinny. Vincent LaGuardia Gambini. LaGuardia? Yeah, that's his name. His middle name is LaGuardia? Yeah.

Vincent LaGuardia Gambini. I used to go by the name Jerry Callow. I was a very successful stage actor. Now I change it to my legally practicing model name, Vincent LaGuardia Gambini. Oh, I love it. Dude, that's so sick. Yeah, I mean, that had to be

probably everybody's first pick, right? Yeah. That's what came to mind, yeah yeah it's so goddamn funny still it actually holds up it's so funny to me every time I heard a really funny bit about it shout out to Danny Cuneo young Danny he had a bit where he's like

the funny thing about that movie is the premise is just what if an Italian knew the law what a crazy movie oh my god that's funny they just took the idea of the stereotype, like, no, I might just be a small-town country lawyer, and made the whole town that guy, and then made an Italian guy the small-town big-city lawyer that came in. It was just nice to see Joe Pesci not saying, fuck you, and beating somebody with a baseball bat.

I think it was like yeah yeah like forcing a lady into oral yeah because we forgot that he was funny i mean we did remember in uh beverly hills cop 2 well funny how lethal lethal weapon sorry lethal lethal weapon and three we remember we remember him from uh that like oh that's a funny guy yes yeah then he showed up was that before after goodfellas that had to be after but like probably right goodfellas was 91 90 90 uh also i can't gloss over that when david just said funny how kyle that was perfect okay yeah i just need to make that i didn't i didn't give it enough attention i was excited about it but yeah i don't i just do it to play the game.

That's not a way that comes around every often that you get to surf. I'm sorry. I just do it to play the game. I just love friendship, guys. The youths part always sticks out to me. The two youths. Yeah, you're on a youth. And the judge is the dad from the Munsters, right?

Herman Munster, dude. The casting in that film is fucking pretty incredible. Oh, yeah, man. Because it's the karate kid, right? It's Ralph Macchio. Mr. Gambini, the next time I see you, you will dress royally. And that suit you're wearing better be made of some

kind of cloth. What are you wearing? He's like, I'm wearing clothes. I don't get the question it's so stupid everyone's dumb every person in it is dumb that's why i liked it oh my god so marissa tomei right she won best supporting actress for that and everybody thought it was weird but she's great like is it weird because it was a comedy is that why people like people don't win for comedies a lot no one respects comedy yeah well also they thought

it was supposed to be somebody else like they thought they missed like reddit or something like it was a goof and they just went with it not a goof but like a mess like jodie foster and it was the same year as silence of the lambs it was like one of those kind of things where like everybody just she deserves to win because of this role and then somebody else won yeah sure yeah public opinion was it yeah i also love the uh that he keeps waking up bit in that movie like he can't get any sleep oh yeah yeah

yeah because like and then one night he just hears hogs being wrestled into a pit. Pit of air. Yeah. I haven't seen this movie in years, by the way. I just was trying to think of fictional lawyers. It's okay. It's okay. I don't know what you're doing on the road if you're not watching My Cousin Vinny, because it is on cable.

I refuse to watch a movie that I want to enjoy on something that's going to give me commercials in the middle of it oh that's reasonable i'll watch a tv show but i'm not going to watch a movie on like tbs or any of that i got that i can i can live with that yeah i always end up watching cops on the road i feel like which is not great for your mindset yeah neither is law and order but knowing that that's a constant like oh that's the one reliable thing of every hotel is that usa will be playing a seven seven month long block of law and order yeah or that comedy central will be playing yeah the office ridiculousness yeah ridiculousness Rob Dyrdek is flabbergasted

is flat building flabbergasted yet again at somebody on ketamine trying to jump off a roof into a hot tub maybe we can get Dax Shepard and whatever this lady does to laugh at it while this guy breaks all his ribs.

They leave that out and then whoever's doing it just smacked out of their gourd. Oh yeah. I have one video where the guy clearly dies and then just cuts back and they're like, oh no. You gotta see them be humans for a second. Does Chanel West Coast

speak English or any language or does she just kind of laugh when somebody gets hurt like those dancing cactuses when you make a sound around them? Yeah, I think that's right. Chanel West Coast. She was on Fantasy Factory.

She was like the secretary in Fantasy Factory, I think. No, she's an emoji that became a person. Everyone knows that. Yeah! Hell yeah, I love her. She's the best girl. Shane, time for your first pick, my friend.

Throw it at me. Throw it right in my face. For my first pick, a little unexpected, but I think it'll be appreciated It's from a show That two people on this very podcast At this very moment Have been on I'm taking the law bros from those who can't

With David Borey David played a lawyer on those who can't With John Doerr And it is delightful. I was putting my list together yesterday, and I was like, didn't David play a lawyer on a TV show? And you just come in and throw your fucking briefcase in the air, and it lays on the table, and you start giving people doubts. And John Doeran is basically doing the same thing next to you.

And then you're like, I think you win the case. Yeah, we won. That is so sick. That's really funny. Was that on your list, David? Of course it wasn't on my list. I'm not a psychopath.

That's awesome, though. I'm going fucking pick me as a lawyer on TV. Did you even remember that you played a lawyer on TV? It doesn't come up. No, of course not. It doesn't come up. That's really funny.

What was your character's name? Do you even remember? It was like Zach. It was like a's name do you even remember it was like zach it was like a bro name yeah just remember they were like they got the law yeah i feel like one line i was like and i'm zach very pace bacani voice uh yeah obvious reasons why i took him i don't i don't think i need to say anything else but yeah well i want a lawyer i can get fucked up with and commit crimes with yeah yeah yeah no i who has meat snacks in his pocket that's my dog i stole a lot of jerky from craft services oh you guys should you guys should go watch those who can it's on hbo max yeah kyle also on it was a

great show yeah sick hey man those Those residuals put me over the edge for health insurance. Come on, guys. Let's watch. Pick it up out there. Daddy needs a kidney. All those red vines from craft services really shut down some organs. Oh, man.

That's hilarious. What a funny pic. I looked it up. I wasn't sure. I'm pretty sure. oh man that's hilarious what a funny pic damn hell yeah i made me so happy to see you because i looked it up i wasn't sure i was like i'm pretty sure and then like i youtubed it and then you came in and you were like dancing and you two together is so funny if you're more of that if you're a fan of me too if you're a fan of like good stand-up, watch those who can't just because of how many people from the world of comedy make appearances in it. Seriously. And if you love Chris Charpentier's hair.

Because he gets hit and it's... Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, it's amazing. That's how you know he's French. Yeah. God, he's in France right now. Really? Yeah, he's a wee Frenchman. That's so sick. I think I'm going later this year. To France? Hell yeah. Yeah. God, he's in France right now. Really? He's a wee Frenchman. That's so sick.

I think I'm going later this year. To France? Hell yeah. Why do you sound so surprised? Jake can go to France. Yeah, you can go to France. I shouldn't have sounded surprised. You're right. That's on me. I apologize. Max is eating a wheel of cheese, everybody. I'll be right back.

I can take it. She cut into my WD-4040 i'm still in a good mood i can take it no you're doing great you are you're doing awesome admittedly it did take me a minute to get into the hosting vibe today you're doing great you're doing fine what context are you going to free just go to france by yourself i want to take a trip i travel the states so much but i never get to go overseas really so i've never gone either man and i can't really sell that anymore and all these miles and i might as well just go you know so all right yeah i don't want to yeah why france any any particular reason i think i'm gonna do europe but france will be part of it's like so i'll go and then i'll go to uh'm going to do Spain and then maybe I hear Berlin

is a cool city too so I'd like to see it yeah and then maybe I'll go see my aunties in Ireland too take pictures of all the skate spots for me I tell you like I may have shared this with you when we went over to spread my mom's ashes

my auntie Ann who's my mom's little sister is like the sweetest, littlest Irish lady. Of the pretzel fame? I'm sorry. I come from money. I'm sick. Shane's got deep pretzel money. I come from a lot of dough.

And this is for you, you're telling me. I understand it. I saw Anne. Anne and Margaret picked me up at the airport i met them they're like the two polar opposites of like irish warmth and coldness because i haven't seen ann or margaret in like 30 years wait didn't i mean i thought i met them you met ann i met okay all right uh and then i went to like i hugged ann and then i went to hug margaret and she just put her hand in my chest

and shook it like we were like I was buying a fridge at Sears like it was it was very cold I love a salty old broad incapable of affection yeah come with me buddy

was it your uncle that who did I meet that guy that I took a real shine to that Irish dude. I've had enough of men touching me my whole life. What are you, Jamaican? I thought it was good. I thought it was good. Touching me my whole life.

This is going off the rails. Yeah, I felt like that was Irish, too. It sounded kind of Irish. I do have an affection for women who make spicy food and have big rear ends Yeah, you have beef patties Yeah, I do, I fucking do And this is my beef patty Oh, the media day parade's coming up

I forgot, that's why I gotta put that on my calendar That's my favorite parade in New York This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel If you want to learn a new language The the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here.

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It's the best, dude. It's nothing but jerk chicken and giant butts. And the women are very aggressive. I love it. It sounds like my Instagram feed. It's my explore page. Buddy, let's do that and then go to Paris. Let's dip our toes in both sides of the pool. I really do like that.

We'll talk about this off air. This could be big. It's called hedonism. The live bros. David Boy from Those Who Can't. I love it. David, time for your first pick. What do you got? The law bros. I put the law bros. Sorry.

I mean, I gotta take him because he's still on the board. I'm taking Lionel Hutz from the simpsons just a great classic ambulance chaser man bill hartman come on it's hunts and hunts or hutz yeah yeah h-u-t-z there's something uh so wonderful about that character yeah he's like he always seems like he's in a little more trouble than he needs to be, which is fun. Oh, yeah. He's not doing well.

He puts on a good face, but he's not doing well. I love how the suit somehow fits him, but it feels like it's a bad fit and it's a cartoon. Yeah. And he's just got the look of what you want a huckster to look like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's awesome. He's the best. And there's just got the look of what you want a huckster to look like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like, yeah,

he's the best. And there's the truth. He's the kind of guy who only gets a haircut because he knows nobody's going to trust a lawyer who looks like shit. Yeah. Yeah. Like he looks like he smells like gin, but just like last night's gin. Yeah. Like he drinks like he smells like gin.

But just like last night's gin. Yeah, like he drinks gin, just gin. He has his own Wikipedia page, and apparently the drink is scotch. Paragraph three under personality is, Hutz is a recovering alcoholic. He once offered Marge a celebratory belt of scotch at 9 30 in the morning remarking that he had not slept in days yeah that's a good i'm all for it i've never heard it called a belt is that just like a shot oh you want a belt yeah just a brink yeah yeah you've never heard of all that no no and i should have at some point.

That's from out the bottle culture. I'm deep in out the bottle culture. I know you are. You think Bill Jordan or Buck Jordan or Pat Jordan would have taught that to me when they were spreading all their knowledge around. But yeah, that, you know, I got to be honest. I've been honest before. I never really got into The Simpsons. And it pains me to say.

But I'm not that familiar with the lawyer. Interesting. I missed it. The part of my life where I should have gotten into the Simpsons, I just didn't. You're taking baths and getting pussy. I get it. I understand.

Junior high school. People all do a different shit. That's what he was doing. Don't put that on me. I don't know what you guys were doing when you were 12, but I was out in the streets taking baths and getting pussies. I was wearing silk Levi's button-ups and cross-colors.

He's insane. Size 48 silver shirt. He wasn't. I had a weave belt down to my ankles. Thought it was a trip for a period of time. What y'all doing? Watching cartoons? All right.

That's cool, too, I guess. I walk around with a screwdriver. You know what I'm going to do. Hang on to your youth as long as you can. It's hard out here. Man, we're both 11. What are you talking about? He's smoking cigarettes.

Hold on, it's my kid. Max is crying. Just got to roll a cordage wrapped in duct tape and a screwdriver and be like, I'm going to the mall. After we saw American Me, we carried screwdrivers for a minute like we're gonna do anything oh that is the worst movie to have taken any direction from american me yeah that's the one i'm thinking of right up a guy's butt you were like let's let's do this is that the one

where where they uh it's edward james almost right yeah sure i already said the main scene in the movie also a roll of quarters is 20 bucks you can buy a real knife with that or brass knuckles yeah you can get a weapon with 20 bucks i had a butterfly knife you have no idea brass i never even saw brass knuckles until i was 20s probably that's good dude those things are gross why because you weren't a mobster in the 30s no people got them people got them people had them in elizabeth for sure yeah i i saw kids who had them in it and they were they were dumb enough and young enough to not know what brass knuckles could do i saw that a few times i never saw them used but i was these kids

had them i'm like you're gonna use those the first chance you get i know you are and that's crazy they're illegal for a reason i don't also it kind of hurts just to hit somebody with them of course it does yeah hit somebody with bracken brass knuckles and then go oh my hand yeah got that guy's skull all up in my between my knuckles yeah brass knuckles yes uh what were we talking about not brass knuckles what was your professional lawyers lionel lionel hutz also why brass is the medal of choice for those knuckles i think it's malleable i don't know okay i think it's easy easy i think it's easy to work and it's so hard still okay it sounds tough that's that's for sure can you

imagine some idiot calling them gold brass knuckles i got my nickel knucks my nickel knuckles uh dope well i'm gonna i'm gonna spark it off now i didn't know this but you said lionel hutz was voiced by phil hartman yeah so i'm going phil hartman too from snl caveman lawyer uh unfrozen caveman laura no less and it was his name shit it was uh i looked it up what was it i watched it today because i was really yeah scraping the barrel from the get-go really you wanted to do judges i mean there's there's a grip. Anyway, yeah. Kiyak Karak or something.

I looked it up last night. I hadn't seen it in forever, but I didn't know he had a name. But just it's when I was a kid. So stupid. I'm just a caveman. It was one of those that hit me right in the right spot when I was a kid.

Like, holy, why is that funny to an adult? I remember thinking that. Like, I know why it's funny. Why do adults think this is funny? I don't know if evil spirits got into your fax machine i'm just a caveman i'm sorry i'm talking on this box filled with mysterious voices the sun and the moon i was i was frozen in a block of ice i'm just a caveman but again deconstruct deconstructed, this is just a, I might just be a

small-town country lawyer. What's even further than that? It all just stems off of that. That's what they were doing. Is that the episode where he's on a plane, he's like, next week, caveman lawyer gets drunk on

a plane, he's just like, I'll sue this whole goddamn airline! Man lawyer gets drunk on a plane. He's like, I'll sue this whole goddamn airline. Yeah, dude. I didn't like Phil Hartman, man. Yeah, man. He really had the juice.

Yeah, it's so nuts. But well, whatever. Man lawyer is such a good pick. I didn't even write that down. I fucked that up. Hey, man, that's that's why this is fun, Shane, because we get to share fun ideas and just laugh with our buddies. You know?

Just a good time. Now, I'm going to hop right into my second pick as Tiz, a serpentine draft. Okay. And I didn't do a ton of research on this, but I'm pretty sure... I should have, but I'm pretty sure I remember this.

In Ghostbusters 2, Rick Moranis was their lawyer. Was he not? Oh, he had a really big tie right yeah and he because because they were going to court movie facts with david boring they were going to court and laura reminded me of like last night but she said like um his name's lewis tully in ghostbusters but he's he gave his like opening monologue or whatever and bill murray he goes that was what's he says like that was long and somehow horrible or something like that but he was their lawyer before like the menenda or the the whatever

brothers ghost like broke into the courtroom you remember that scene i did not give ghostbusters 2 nearly as much scream time as ghostbusters 1 yeah really oh it had the bobby brown song man you're trying to you're trying to follow it makes me feel good yeah you're trying to follow up ray parker jr oh that bobby brown song was fucking so good you guys don't remember that well i guess we're gonna have to take it oh we got we got we got the best part is that he says boston makes me feel good yeah but that's a different song that's the first one though that's the first oh that's the first one oh then that's the only good one also the ecto one had like the ghost giving the sign that you were in a sequel it was like it didn't it didn't take

for me i was more of a honey i shrunk the kids as far as moranis vehicles moranis is great in every single thing he does but i'm just i like him as a fictional lawyer uh you guys really didn't like ghostbusters too huh god you guys just gave me you guys gave me another pick right now the carpathian and yano she didn't like any of that all that shit i like it but it's like you know like ghostbusters ones what are we even comparing anything else i'm not saying it's better than ghostbusters i mean i'm just saying like ghostbusters 2 is good but it obviously got made because ghostbusters 1 is brilliant you know like like it's like right i don't think they were thinking it's going to be a whole franchise and then

I think it was more of a movie that was made to sell some happy meals is what it felt like Hey Marissa Hi, sorry I had an appointment Hope everyone's good What's happening? How's everyone doing?

Chilling, I just picked Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters 2 as a fictional lawyer. And as a Canadian, I'm sure that you'll back my decision. Yes? Oh, hell yeah. I absolutely do. I'm thrilled about it. Well, you came in just the right time because we are on David's second pick. My second pick.

Oh, I just want to say a fun fact. So today on the All Fantasy Everything subreddit, someone made a new thread saying, hey, it would be really great if Kyle and Shane were both on the podcast fantasy everything subreddit someone made a new thread saying hey it would be really great if kyle and shane were both on the podcast promote their podcast that's funny because i hope not kyle if you were on reddit it would make i'd kill myself i'm totally on reddit no i don't participate though i just read the stuff that bums me out i don't always i don't use like a cool guy i got you're on reddit i it seems like a more an easier place to consume information from all right not better easier why does it bum you out david i want to know why i don't know i just always think of you as a real cool guy and

i think of reddit for nerds and then yeah you're on reddit it fucks up my whole thing yeah but then i could i just look at like mountain bike reddit and ska music reddit so like you could just look at whatever you want on there you know that's cool that is cool i don't participate i go on the book that's what i was like the boogie monster and no accounting for taste subreddits check just to monitor get the temperature of what the people are the fans of out there i like that i can go into like skateboard reddit i didn't know that was yeah that's something you could do it's actually yeah it can be lawyers fictional lawyers on this podcast all right all right shane we're talking about skateboard reddit

for a second okay okay and that second has passed that second has passed thank you for the information david second pick please all right i'm gonna take tom hagan from the godfather because robert duvall man come on he's amazing oh bobby duvall i man. Come on. He's amazing. Oh, Bobby Duvall. I would say that guy, for as illustrious a career as his, he picked some real dog shit roles to be in. What? You don't like that role?

No, I love that role. But sometimes you'll be like, why is Robert Duvall in the grudge match with Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro? I feel like it's like a Sam. Gone in 60 seconds? You're telling me that's a bad movie? Robert. I feel like it's like a Sam.

60 seconds? You're telling me that's a bad movie? You remember that movie where Angelina has blonde dreads? I was into it. I think it's like a Sam Jackson. I think it's a Sam Jackson thing where he's just working and sometimes it's Pulp Fiction, sometimes it's Snakes on a Plane.

You know what I mean? We're just working. He's just working. Those guys, that's about the only two things those guys have in common. Yeah, but when it's not either of those, it's a warehouse full of money they just skip through. So, yeah. Exactly. Also, Robert Duvall wears a lot of Kangol hats, too.

Are you serious? No. I can see that. This is like Kyle Kinane on Reddit for me. Now I'm Googling Robert Duvall Kangol just to make sure you're not fucking with me. I've said it before. I think Robert Duvall is the best actor of all time.

You have said it before? I have said it before. And I don't even know a ton about Robert Duvall, and I couldn't really name a ton of his movies. But I will tell you that every time I see Robert Duvall... I've only seen him in gone in 60 seconds. That guy right there, best actor of all time. i was introduced to bobby bobby devol in colors is when i first saw bobby devol and i was pretty much also it asks me if i meant robert devol tango pretty good too he's a sneaky tango guy oh man sneaky tango guy who loves to kiss

robert duvall more than kiss classic character uh you know the in-house consigliere love those two movies the third one we don't talk about uh pretty pretty pretty i never saw the third one i don't think you're not missing out you don't need to i'd rather you didn't i don't know that i did i haven't seen ghostbusters two of the godfather films oh i'm an asshole because i like ghostbusters too all of a sudden you're an asshole why don't you go spill some ranch on yourself i've seen it why don't you drink some taco meat on my mother's urn, you piece of shit? It was hot sauce and I didn't.

You remember though when you're speaking to your uncle. I thought Durban was going to fuck you up for a second. I really thought Durban was going to beat your ass. He could. Remember when I went to grab the bottle and your uncle goes, that's for tomorrow. And I go, well, it's midnight. I open it anyways.

And he's like, all right, my uncle who was born and raised in 1930s, Ireland said that bottle of whiskey is for tomorrow. And Sean, I was like, or, or tonight,

or it's for now. liquor store was open it's fine it's bold that you were keeping pace at an irish wake though sean that's a that's an accomplishment yeah it was uh yeah sean drinks like every night's an irish wake hi man i got to meet shane's homies you think you think me in particular are mean to shane who's your who's your boy uh oh hope no no no no not hope that's a dude no no you're dude you're um is it adam he's a dude he is a dude no who's your dude that was who was like ripping you to shreds all night after after uh kelly andy andy yeah and, dude. He ripped Shane's... Yes, my voice cracked.

He ripped Shane up so hard. I didn't even know. He's the one that has the tape of you singing in the band, right? No, that's Blake. I'm going to hear that. I will hear that one. Yes, I will.

Andy, by the way, shout out to Kelly's Onion Burgers, best food truck in Fort Worth, Texas. His business got a... Oh, good job. Yeah, Smash Onion Burgers. He loves them. I'm proud of my guy.

And he's getting married, too. Smash Onion Burg too smash onion burgers damn yeah it's like an oklahoma thing that he like he grew up in oklahoma but onion burger like griddled onion burgers you smash in i want to smash them onion patties it's an oklahoma thing you wouldn't understand well david called him david called big ass beefies before, and I was just playing off that where I got... What you were saying just started sounding real sexual to me, like, smash onion burgers. It's an Oklahoma thing. I'm like, it sounds like it.

Why do you think they had so many kids, even though it was the Dust Bowl? They were smashing them onion burgers out there. They were smashing them onion burgers! That's the only free entertainment you got. Smashing onion burgers is just when you make love on the bed of a cold pickup truck. Yeah, that's when you have triplets during a depression. My boy Kelly, he's a patty smasher from way back.

That's an Irish hate crime. Yeah, we're going to get married. We're getting married. I mean, my boy smashed her onion burger back in the day, but it's fine. We're still going to get married. We're getting married. I mean, my boy smashed her onion burger back in the day, but it's fine. We're still going to get married. Everyone dates. Everyone dates everyone. Turn that onion ring into an onion burger. Kyle

can name. I'm going to get you an onion ring. She got onion bun surgery. It's all right. Onion bun. She got onion bun surgery. It's all right. Oh, man. Onion bunions. Onion bunions. She got the onion bunions.

My girl's got onion bunions. She can only wear flip-flops. Why are you walking so funny? I can always tell when my buddy Sean's grandmother is visiting because he can smell her onion bunions in the house. Damn it. I almost barfed. Did you see that?

I spit up. I saw it. Yeah, it was great. That was intense. My see that? I spit up. I saw it. Yeah, that was great. That was intense. My face is red. Shit almighty. I love that. I love it when I get to see Shane laugh that hard.

Because you could barely say what you were going to say. Well, that didn't happen during your set. I thought we had turned the heat down. He wanted to keep cooking. Back at cruising altitude. What? It's the dinner rush, baby. I'm serving up ha-has. Give me some plates.

Well, on that note, Shane hit us with number two, big boy. Ghostbusters 2, off the board. I am taking Al Pacino as the devil and the devil's advocate. Okay. It is such an insane role.

When I like watch some YouTube clips of it, he's just like, why? He's a lunatic. Yeah. It's just like, it's him at the beginning of Al Pacino really overacting everything. He's the devil, right? In the movie, that's what he is everything he's the devil right in the movie

that's what he is he's the devil he's the head of a law firm too yeah because the devil has to you know really be part of american law do you remember when the whole general consensus on lawyers were that they were the worst pieces of shit ever yeah when did that start changing i don't know remember those was like that guy's a lawyer fuck that guy he must be terrible i know yeah like what a piece of shit like yeah people act like they were like had to introduce themselves to their neighbors when they moved to a new neighborhood or something yeah like there was a lawyer registry that movie was like right in the heat of all that i bet because that everybody in that movie was terrible and they were

defending coach right coach was in it and he killed his wife or something. Yeah, Coach. And they were defending this horrible person and the devil was like the man. Yeah, he tries to get Keanu Reeves to have sex with his sister to make the anti-Christ. And he's just looking at him when he does that. He's like, huh? What do you think? And he's looking

like that. Right? That's your sister in this movie. Yeah, it's such a dumb movie, but i just wanted to have the devil on my squad i got you i totally understand i still took an angel number one david bory there you go i think i do remember when lawyers were the enemy and i think it was probably shows like law and order or something like oh there's defense attorneys that try to like or like right try to defend innocent people like oh they're not all just out there defending like the 80s was like oh we're defending corporations and suing the little guy and you know yeah yeah

the problem is they still were doing that yeah they never stopped still lawyer yeah there's still lawyers for each side there's still lawyers for the wrong side and every course scumbuckers yeah i watched that uh was it that uh the greatest crime ever committed that that doc on the opioid crisis on oxycontin and the sackler family you want to talk about some scumbags look at their lawyers it is awful and if it helps uh rudy giuliani defended them at one point. See, I'm bringing it back. Fuck lawyers. Yeah. Hey, new merch.

New merch. Cross pod merch. Fuck lawyers. There's a lawyer in the family. There's one, Ivan Carmel, who is a lawyer. Oh, I forgot. We can't be doing all that. Fuck lawyers merch, and you get sued.

Now you need to hire a lawyer to defend your fuck lawyer. Your right to produce fuck lawyers merch and you get sued. Now you need to hire a lawyer to defend your fuck lawyer. You're right to produce fuck lawyers merch. That's not copyright law. I mean, that's Inception. Don't I get off of that? Yeah. Wait, I think so.

That's Double Jeopardy, right? Yeah, I get off on Inception. Is Double Jeopardy. Would that? Okay. You remember the movie Ashley Judd Joint where she's accused of killing

her husband does her time. Could you really go kill him if you found him I mean would they let that ride there's no way I don't that is a law right double jeopardy you can't be tried for the same thing twice it's real right I don't know if we should take our laws from movies you can't be tried for the same crime twice

but like if you try to murder someone and then you try to murder them again that's too difficult she was found guilty of murder so in this movie here's my point god damn it as a lawyer i i didn't know you're a lawyer sorry yeah it's the same instance it's not you can't try and murder someone twice and not have the second one be like hey i didn't kill him the first time and i was innocent so i get to try and kill him this time again she wasn't innocent she found guilty. She did her time for murder and then found the guy alive.

So she already did. You'll never be an attorney. Oh, poop. I like where you're going with this, Sean, though. I feel like if you did time. Yeah, you did time. It's not like she got off or anything. She did like whatever, 12 years for this dude's murder or some shit.

And then she gets out of prison, finds him in New Orleans and and murks him although that was just a mistake on the laws part though it's still a crime to kill the guy they just she was trying she was like jailed for a crime and then get another one and just be like i'm good let me drive home yes you can you can get like 19 my uncle pat did and that's exactly what he did every time he's like i'm all right i'll just try yeah what are we doing fictional lawyers i'll do the lawyer that i got for my dui because that guy didn't do shit i don't think he was real at all cash some man same dog oh wait no i didn't have a i i got a da i'll be defending myself yeah yeah your honor i'm i'm wearing my work shirt clearly i'm here for business

yeah i work at the loaf and jug yeah didn't you work at the loaf and jug for a minute yeah i worked at the loaf and jug for like a year oh yeah um kyle hit us with two and three playboy two two and three that's a serpentine draft my friend i explained it so well in the beginning yeah all right um yeah okay this one is uh entirely fictional that it exists only in the household here it's the uh it's uh my uh law name of uh dewey p dribbles attorney at law and uh rachel rachel is. And Rachel is my administrative assistant. Her name is Jocelyn Dinks. There's probably not much to riff on that.

Why? I saw you guys pretending about it when we went on vacation in Lake Powell. Yeah. And I was like, what is going on? Dewey P. Dribbles. Where'd that come from, Dewey P. Dribbles? Oh, because I just have... Esquire?

There's always some P. Yeah, I get it. There's always a spot of P on the front of my panties. And you guys solved cases together i mean you know we're not there yet but we got you know we're working on the branding right now right right you know i remember when to see that billboard driving down and the truth is the real discovery is jocelyn dinks that's the reason we found out that i'm dewey p dribbles on account of her jocelyn dinks, that's the reason we found out that I'm Dewey P. Dribbles. It's on account of her Jocelyn Dinks. She's like, Jocelyn Dinks.

David just got that one. David, that one just came together. It took a minute. It took a minute. It took a minute. I've never heard it called a dink. I like it, though. I like it a lot.

Jocelyn Dinks. Oh, man. That's real good. i'm happy you guys are doing thanks man i hope that makes up for me being on reddit it does i'm super happy you know i'm still like i'm not an incel i'm like a super happy guy happy reddit oh man dinks no i totally get it dude i love it all right okay now i gotta throw another one out there yeah do we and i'll have to have two more after this right yes sir all right um you know i'm gonna leave some big ones out there for everybody else I'm going to William Stanley Presley Esquire

also known as Bill S. Preston Esquire of the duo Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and he caught my thinking is that he has access to a time

machine he can go back and access to a time machine. He can go back and forth to any time to achieve the status of a lawyer, hence the Esquire being a part of his name. It's never addressed in the canon of the films, but early on he calls himself Esquire. We think it's just a cool thing to say, but maybe at some point in time he will get uh get his degree what does esquire does esquire mean esquire is the suffix that uh that you give to a lawyer really yeah sick then absolutely not surprised sean didn't know that oh fuck you mr Mr. Books over here. Mr. Books. You did it to yourself that time. You stood underneath the wall and it just hit you in the head.

Yeah, I did. Fuck you, Mr. Books. Mr. Smart. Fuck you, Mr. Brooks. This guy probably reads from left to right over here. I read left to right, then down one, then right to left, then left to right, then down one. Oh, I've been educating myself in a serpentine manner this whole time. No wonder I'm behind the eight ball. Why are periods

at the beginning of sentences? Okay, Mr. Books. Stan Darsh over here. Oh my god. Oh man. You can't make that up. You can't make that up. Oh.

Yeah. you can't you can't make that up yeah bill s preston esquire love it ted wait no not ted william stanley presley all right uh shane number three what do you got uh for number three i am going to take uh it's kind of a weird one but uh i'm taking fletcher reed from liar liar oh okay jim carrey yeah dude that's not that one's fantastic that was gonna be my next pick yeah yeah uh the the scene in that movie where he tries to start with a little lie and say the pen is blue when it's black oh he writes it's like him overacting at his best. It's brilliant. That movie, he went hard. It was very fun. I don't know if it still holds up, but man, that message had taken a lot of energy

to play that role. It would have taken so much energy just to be there. It would be like, dude, for a second, can we just be normal? Yeah. His scene when he puts jennifer tilly on the stand is so funny too yeah jennifer tilly is really funny in that yeah

but she just grabs him and kisses him after he wins the verdict and just squeezes that part when he realizes that he can't lie when she's he's in bed with that girl and she's like how was it he goes i've had better and you're like you don't have to lie but you don't got to be like that either you could be like it was fine and then he's like he just keeps saying it just it's just like that like one minute scene of him just like brushing his teeth and laughing saying i've had better oh it's awesome i love it it's also awesome that he couldn't lie to his son anymore yeah right yeah he wants to be and also it's got the my number one crush more tyranny in that movie so yeah er more tyranny i love more tyranny yeah news radio all of it what a what a babe

all right let's try more tyranny roles next oh i didn't know who she was yeah she was a babe she's uh right she was on er am i crazy so one of one of those shows one of them okay yeah she wasn't gray's anatomy i'm well first never saw liar liar my my my jim carrey intake uh just fell off a cliff at one point was it it after Ace Ventura 2? No, all the Ace Venturas. Dumb and Dumber, you betcha. But then after that, I'm like, oh, he's doing the thing with his face again. All right.

Dumb and Dumber. Dumb and Dumber is so dank. We just watched it the other night. Yeah, Fletcher Reed, Liar Liar. Fantastic. David, number three? Ooh, number three for me is going to be i didn't i'm a poet i didn't even know it uh i'm taking bob loblaw what bob loblaw from arrested development bob

oh oh no no no, no, no. No, I thought Shane was doing a bit. I knew it from Arrested Development. Who plays him again? Ralph Macchio. No. Right? No, Scott Baio.

Yeah. I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know the difference between those two terms. You mean proper names? Italian dates. I got to look them up side by side. It is Scott Baio, though, right? Chachi?

Scott Baio, yeah. Scott Baio. How do you spell Baio? Not how you think. It's like A-O-L-E with a B in front of it. You turned Mr. Books. Whatever, Mr. Books. Let me hear it. A-O-L-E with a B in front of it. You turned Mr. Books. Whatever, Mr. Books. Let me hear it.

B-A-I-O? Books Brothers over here. I don't know. That's what I put. B-A-I-O. Yeah, he got it right. No, that's what I said, and then you put it in. We don't know what you did.

Shut up, dude. Oh, they look way different. Huh? Ralph Macchio and Scott Baio? Yeah. Yeah. Well, not way different, but look way different. Huh? Ralph Macchio and Scott Baio? Yeah. Yeah. Well, not way different, but they look different. Didn't Scott Baio kind of go off the deep end?

Yeah, he's like a capital stormer or something. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. He's a capital stormer? Well, he's like a conservative. He's not a capital stormer. That's Ricky Schroeder, I'm thinking of.

Ricky Schroeder. Ricky Schroeder stormed the Capitol? I think he was at the march, yeah. I could be wrong, though. Who cares? None of them are lawyers. They're not like us. No was at the march, yeah. I could be wrong, though. Who cares? None of them are lawyers. They're not like us. No, I'm not a lawyer.

I don't read. I hear you got to read to pass the bar, so I was out. Pass the bar on the way to the nacho fountain. Yeah, I was going to say that. I don't usually pass the bar. That's my thing. Pass the bar on the way to the nacho fountain. I'm not sleeping on.

I don't usually pass the bar. Let's give that one. I just go right on it. We're having a good time just some friends ripping I'm gonna go number three and I'm gonna go Ace Ventura again I forgot is that P.M. Poop? no number three is

number three is he did it he said it couldn't be done it's Jizz Jizz is number three He did it. They said it couldn't be done. It's jizz. Jizz is number three. I think we all know what number three is. It's semen.

Something crying outside your window proved that you go number three. I go a different number three now. I've had a vasectomy, so it's not. I go like two and a half now. No. Oh, I'm going to go two and a half now no oh i'm gonna go two and a half uh jesus christ third pick i'm going so this is deep in ace ventura they're going in courtney cox and ace ventura going into that millionaire's mansion, that whatever, I forget his name,

but she introduces him as Tom Ace and he says he's an attorney. Do you remember that? When he goes, Tom Ace. And he talks about how it would be like something about food poisoning against wealthy homeowners or something, but that whole thing, that scene

where he's playing Tom ace as a fictional attorney in an already fictional universe so i'm going deep cover two layers of inception one of the funniest film moments is him pulling the uh the cello player's hand when he walks by yeah this is a guy playing he just goes like all right like you're not like this is the funniest jim carrey's gonna be to me do not go in there he just shows his food to that person when he's going like squinty isn't it and then he just shows his food and you're like that's what four-year-olds doing like It's like dying laughing. Yeah. Is this an all right pick, David? Were you going to allow it?

I don't love it. Why not? He doesn't actually practice law. Well, none of them do. They're all fake. But, I mean, he says. Well. Well, what about. Don't do that to me.

What about Bill S. Preston Esquire? Kyle gave a logical explanation involving time travel. Yeah, he has at some point in time yeah he says he's an attorney he says george carlin has a phone booth that can travel through time so he could be a lawyer if he wants to be right your guy's just going into a place like hey that's like if i walk in to the fucking yankee state like I'm a baseball player. Somebody got me take a couple cuts. And that apt example is why we call him Mr. Books.

So we're going to take it off the board. We're going to take it off the board. I mean, listen, you can listen. No, no, I shan't be doing that. You're running the show. No, no, we are running the show and I can't be doing that so it's a fictional within a fiction that's i i'm i'm with you sean i'm with fiction within fiction but no ace ventura is based

on a real thing but i'm saying all these guys it's a true story you never heard about the famous pet detective from miami based's actually based out of Minneapolis. They sexed it up for Hollywood. Well, he moved to Miami, and then the pet detective business went defunct, and he actually started the bang bus. So it's pretty wild. He also really did get a beach for returning a shit seat. Oh, he did. This man used to belong to an exotic bird warehouse.

So it's going to have a little smell to it yeah just another day in miami tom tom ace is off the board i'll change the pick so uh we're growing with an actual fictional character who really practiced fictional law uh saul goodman from breaking bad there you go better call him yeah he was on my list i never saw a better call fictional character that actually an actual fictional character that actually practiced law. An actual fictional character that practiced real law in this fictional show.

I never actually saw the show. I hear it's absolutely amazing. You never watched Breaking Bad? No, I watched Breaking Bad. Do you remember when you ruined the last episode of Breaking Bad for Laura the night we were going to go watch it? This is great. We were at Ground Control. I were going to go watch it? This is great. We were at ground control.

I was going to a breakup, yeah. Everyone should feel the pain I feel. That could have been any number of times we were at ground control. I don't remember this exactly, but I know I did it. We're standing there and we were leaving. We didn't say we were going to, but it was like a month after Breaking Bad was done, but she just hadn't seen the finale. And we said something to you

and you were like, well, that's like me telling you that Walt dies at the end of Breaking Bad. And I go, we're going to go watch that episode right now. She hasn't seen it. And you're just standing there like,

well, fuck me. I raised my face, Your Honor. It's raining. Deidre! All of a sudden, there's a barbecue stain on your shirt. You're like, I don't know. I did do that.

I remember now. I know you did. It was hilarious. Then I went back to playing giant Pac-Man. That'll bring us back. Which is not a euphemism. No. That's where Shane lines up a bunch of popcorn pieces on a bar.

And he doesn't. He's like, oh, you guys serve popcorn giant pac-man sets it up himself i would have given you all my tip money if anybody would have done that and i don't chase the cherry i don't go after any fruit yeah imagine if you were bartending and someone did that i'd be so pumped oh giant pack without knowing he's calling a giant pack man he's just eating popcorn off the bar going ghost chasing me man that guy's real fucked up now he's playing giant pack man it's a whole different mindset no yeah he's just doing all giant pack man thing he's all good um yeah it's all good man fourth or no that was my third pick time for my fourth pick and um i don't think any of you were

going to take this but it's one of my favorite shows of all time scrubs and in scrubs there's a fictional lawyer uh called ted his name was sam lloyd passed away i think last year i want to say last year or 2020 or something yeah but just just phenomenal you you either love scrubs or you just don't and i'm one of the absolutely love it thinks it's one of the best shows on the planet people and he was perfect in that show i love yeah he's brilliant on that show and he uh oh yeah that is a funny character yeah the depressed lawyer there's like there's one scene in that one episode where he falls off the side of a building and it's just him. The shot is him falling down towards Earth and he goes, you did it, Teddy.

It's finally over. He's just going, oh, sweet release. Yeah. It's so there's so many instances in the show where somebody like one of the doctors will say something about law. And Ted's like, like oh and Bob Kelso is so mean to him it's just it's such a I don't know I love that show I love it that and Friday Night Lights

Tamir are the two best shows ever made that show there's some scene in it where there's an outtake where one of the women just looks at his face your nose I want to touch it but I don't it's like he's on the phone with his mom one time and he's like well mom i'll give you a bath when i get home it's like jesus what's going on uh we were watching that at the crib one time when you guys lived on ash if you remember and ian came in and looked

at the tv and he goes nope and he just changed the channel just not he hates that show so much uh but anyway ted from scrubs uh and that was my fourth pick david back to you for number four my fourth pick oh i would pick the real one but you can't so i'll pick a uh jackie chiles on which he was basically just johnny cochran yeah yeah because if the glove don't fit you must acquit i love the idea that people in the law can rhyme yeah jackie chiles is so funny absolutely and then you wrote was it it's in the is it the series finale where he's in bed with or is it that episode where he sleeps with jerry's girl and like he answers the phone i think it's wait is that the one where he's like they are real they are real and they're fantastic yeah yeah that's that episode that's that episode okay because i know that jerry's trying to

get with her and then she ends up with jackie i just couldn't remember because he was in the series finale too right because everybody was but yeah because it was the courtroom one yeah oh jerry they're real and they are spectacular yeah who told you put the ball on did i tell you put the ball on yeah man he's great he's great that was one of those things like oh you did that role so well you're you actually probably hindered your career because people only see you as jackie childs yeah you nailed it too hard i was uh i was at i think it was sketch fest one year and you know that um korean karaoke bar everybody goes and drinks at downstairs in the basement after sketch fest like it's right across from the kabuki hotel

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah oh what's that place called yeah but yeah i was there and i was a bunch of colleagues who were all hanging out getting loaded my friend miley who i grew up with lived in san francisco at the time and she came and she was like how do you know all these famous people i was like i don't you know i don't know but like i was talking to one guy for like 20 minutes i was like oh how you doing man and i couldn't quite place him you know and i was and we were talking and he knew me and he was like, yeah, man, I'm doing a lot of the corporates but the money's great. And I was like, oh, that's good to hear. And he goes, and I was like, well, how do you like feel like that about that comedically? He goes,

you know, most of the time they want me to just go gold, Jerry gold. And my face was like, oh, he's Banya. He saw me recognize who, how I knew him. It was so embarrassing for both of us. You were hanging out with Banya?

Yeah, he was getting shit-faced. You were hanging out with Banya? Or I was getting shit-faced and he was there talking to me. Mr. Books and Banya in the same place. Why are they called round two? Mr. Books and Eric Banya. Yeah, man. Oh, my God.

Jackie Childs all day. Did he ever get to do anything else like i mean i'm sure he did but did anybody see him in anything we don't know i'm taking him off my list no no i don't know yeah that's intense but yeah jackie chiles all day uh shane number four oh well i gotta go with a bit of a classic but and kind of maybe a data reference but i'm going with dan fielding from night court played by john laura kent yes yeah that's on my list delete uh such a funny guy such a great talent like god i just love the i remember really loving that show as a kid i thought it was so funny. Yeah.

And I don't know if it holds up now, but I will say one of the funniest things ever was the 30 Rock where they had the cat. It was called the episode. It's called the 30 Rock. The one with the cast from Night Court. Yeah. Yeah. All the people from Night Court show up. Oh, it's awesome. John Laird's cat, man.

Funny guy. Really great. I remember loving that show as a kid. And I'm like, oh, man, Night Court's on. as a kid and I'm like oh man Night Court's on I started watching I'm like why did I like this so much I know and I think it's because it was at night like the show itself

was at night I think there was something about like being a little kid and watching something happening it's like oh this is what adults do at night is they go to court but also that's not real at all right the idea that there's a court at night I don't think so well i don't think so i don't know i never got to go to that one i always had to go to early in the morning court yeah well yeah i've i've had to stay overnight in county hotels because yeah because the the court was not open yeah i'm having the bologna

excuse me i'd like to sleep on this cement slab with a bunch of strangers and i'd like an apple and a bologna sandwich to throw at the wall please i'll let this one breathe for a little bit god the amount of times you'd go like in the in the tank or whatever for me anyways what's the amount of times yeah wait what's the number like three it's like three not good enough for anyone it's like skateboarding it wasn't for duis ever but it was for like skate tickets or no insurance one time but anyway i was in there a few times and uh there were apple marks on the wall because they'd give you your bag lunch with a full apple and a bologna sandwich and you're like if i'm pissed i'm gonna throw one of these at the wall it's going to be the apple but they're i need the meat processes apple marks on the wall

every it's the man people i was walking back after i got released and that sandwich was so bad but i was so terrified of the cops that i didn't there was no trash cans and i didn't want to litter so i like i tucked it so far into a bush and crowley like i went to jail there a couple times where i'm from for unpaid tickets and they didn't have a kitchen so they had to just go to sonic these weren't made from a kitchen that's amazing no but they would just let it get cold. They still wouldn't serve you hot food. The cops would just sit it on a desk. Of course. This bologna was cut from a log that they used the chain between the cuffs, I think, to slice. So cold Sonic would be a welcome change.

What a vivid amount of imagery. Yeah, it's not like I'm reading cold Sonic on my own. That's not even that's not even jail food that's just wednesday did you take this out of my car because this was in the back seat yeah i had a toaster i had a slushy man come on well shout out to albert county jail they actually had pretty good pretty good food we had tacos one night I only had a meal one time. Haystack. I guess it's called a haystack. Pretty good. Chocolate with coconut shreds?

No, it's like taco guts, kind of. Hell yeah, dude. Onion smash and taco guts? I was like, man. That sounds so gross. I mean, we were patty smashing. Let me get up in them taco guts, Maria. I would.

In my head, it's the Maria from West Side Story. Everybody said that. Everybody thought that. Onion smash them taco guts. I mean, onion smash them taco cuts. Oh, my God. The microphone just barfed. Kyle, four, and then your last round will be a lightning round.

What do you got? All right. This one, you can veto it if you want. Whatever accident. Wait a minute. So we didn't veto Kyle's where he's a fake lawyer at home who pees his pants, but I couldn't pick Ace Ventura. I was with it.

I was with it. Oh yeah, that's a good point. In Kyle's fake thing, he is a lawyer. In your fake thing, he's a pet detective. Oh wait, that's a good point because in your fictional world kyle he would do you practice law like you and jocelyn dinks like you yeah we haven't we haven't had any clients yet but you passed the bar you're a lawyer oh sure

you might have got a little piss on the bar but you passed it yeah i might i might have i might have dinked a little drivel on it but i yeah all right number four what do you got like you know how there's always like whatever the like whatever the bus attorneys like accidente and they always have a fun mustache yeah one of those guys has to represent dominic teretto and the rest of the fast and furious wait so whichever lawyer that is so you're picking you're picking the unnamed attorney that represents dominic teretto well think of all the accidents they get in.

I can let it ride. The unnamed bus bench attorney that represents Dominic Toretto. Can I say that? Maybe it's Sweet James. I don't know. Anybody in L.A. knows Sweet Jameses. Or the mustache accident guy. I love that you gave a real lawyer

a fake client instead. In that world, they crash so many cars. That's very true. They gotta have one of those guys on retainer. I'll give it to you, man. But they're in cahoots with the police. Yeah, well, Dominic Toretto's basically a cop.

That's the wild part. Somebody's gotta pay the body shop to keep fixing that same car. yeah well they got i mean dominic toretto is basically a cop yeah but somebody's got to find that somebody's got to pay the body shop to keep fixing that same car like they destroy parts of nations but that same car keeps showing up that's very true the whole point of this is to get the wildest ridiculous most ridiculous pics and i'm thrilled about that i mean that's it that's the most ridiculous is that all right david jump podcast car off of a couple of different cliffs today. I mean, yeah. Well, next one.

That's awesome. Yeah, okay. That's my, yeah. All right. Well, then all I will say is I'm sorry for blocking you, Sean. No, I love it because I got to make, it was a more fun pick anyways. No, I'm thrilled about it. I'm thrilled. I couldn't be more thrilled. Now, we're going to get Kyle's fifth pick. But before we do that, we are going to take another quick commercial break.

Uh-oh, we're back. That was so dope. I hope you guys love those ads. Get that shit, boy. Kyle, time for your last pick, my friend. Lightning round. Fifth round. Last pick.

What do you got, my friend? She-Hulk. Ooh, nice. Yeah, she's an attorney. I was just looking at the Wikipedia page for fictional lawyers, and I saw She-Hulk. And I thought, like, the self-control you have to have as far as already being, like, a female lawyer

in a male-dominated profession back in the day to suppress your rage enough to defend your client and not turn into a monster. Respect, you know. Respect. Yeah. I mean, I got a lot. I got other wild ones in here. No.

No. She Hulk. Save those for the end. That's what we do. Our little roundup. Okay. I love She Hulk. I just didn't know she was a lawyer. I didn't either. oh she-hulk those save those for the end that's what we do our little roundup okay i love she-hulk i just didn't know she was a lawyer i didn't either i just saw the wikipedia page and like

that made it a lot more interesting to me i want to say am i crazy that dana wrote wrote for she-hulk that's coming out did write for she-hulk really you didn't no no dana did yeah yeah dana did yeah ian's fiancee yeah that's awesome david you're getting a lot of your credits no that's all like for like a movie's coming out or for the comic book it's the series coming out on like yeah and like disney or something maybe okay yeah who plays she-hulk i do not know yeah it just seems like a difficult thing to have to manage. Uh, yeah. To just be like, I could win this fucking case right now if I just Hulk the fuck out. Yeah. I'm going to use the law.

That's a lot of self-control. Or the fact that I could win this case right now if I bent the rules, but I can't because I'm also on the side of justice. And then you're so mad you can't bend the rules. You turn into the Hulk. Damn. And you just bend an iron bar instead. And you turn into the Hulk and they still just call you She-Hulk, which makes you even more mad. Yeah, you're like,

I'm Jessica. The idea of being called She-Hulk must make you even a crazier Hulk monster. I don't know the comic book, so I'm just guessing. You go to the She-Hulk, go to She-Hulk Reddit after this. Shane, what do you got?

Fifth pick. For my fifth pick, I am taking from Carlitos Way, Sean Penn as Dave Kleinfeld. Just coked up and committing crimes and killing mob bosses and breaking them out of jail. It's awesome.

Carlitos Way. I did not think Carlitos Way was going to ever come up on this podcast. It's always going to come up if I'm around. Because of all the whites. That movie. Whoa. That movie is.

Al Pacino's Puerto Rican. I know. He says it so many times in the movie. He's always like, I'm just a Puerto Rican. Sounds like Doc Brown. That's how he sounds in the movie. Marty, I'm just a Puerto Rican. He says it over and over again.

Oh, man. Oh, God. I hadn't seen Carlitos Way for a minute. That movie's so funny. Sean Penn is out of control in that movie. Yeah. Don't they hang him out of the helicopter at some point is that him i don't know that's impossible is that carlito's way to

rise to power with jay jay hernandez is in that one where you're like okay young carlito man i'm watching carlito's way tonight but save it for me I'll come I'll come to Daniel I love that movie legitimately it's a good story but it's just like not the overacting is crazy in it I don't know

it's insane Sean Penn is out of control he's just always doing coke and getting people it's awesome I loved of control. It was just always doing Coke and like getting people. It's awesome. I loved it so much. I was just, just the Puerto Rican. Hey,

me. Primo's going to do one of his tricks. Watch here. And then he's like, Al Pacino just killed some guy with a cue ball. All right, David. Oh man.

Oh, it's my last. Uh, I'm taking maxine shaw attorney at law from living single oh i knew i could get her late these kind of world glad i got my girls yeah there's a whole lot keep your head up that's right yeah whenever this life gets tough you gotta fight there's a whole lot of homegirls standing to my left and my right it's like a great tv show that i grew up on i love that show when i was a kid yeah and max was so funny she was the funniest lady on the show she ate all the time she was fucking that guy named kyle like it's secret. They call each other dogs. There was a Kyle on Living Single? Yeah!

There was a Kyle on Living Single! There's also a Huey P. Dinks. He had a Jocelyn Wiggles or whatever. Dribble Dink Wiggle. Dink Dribble Wiggle. Onion Bun Taco Guts. My last pick. I am going Felicia Rashad, Claire Huxtable.

There you go. Getting it done. And yeah, one more to say that wraps it up. Marissa, did you have a pick for fictional attorney or lawyer, which are the same thing? Most people don't know that. Yeah. Excuse me if this was already taken earlier, which are the same thing. Most people don't know that. Yeah. Excuse me if this was already taken earlier,

though I doubt it was. I wonder if you guys will know this one. I'm picking what's, I would say definitely the most famous video game attorney, and that is Phoenix Wright from the Ace Attorney game series. Have you guys heard about this? I have no idea. It's a very famous video game series.

It's been maybe like 10 years at this point. It has been evolved into like a manga, a live action series, even like a musical. It's sort of like a Japanese visual novel that's been turned into a video game where you just play as

a lawyer and you solve these crazy cases. Very fun, very popular game series. That's my pick. And I know I'm going to win. I know the Red will back me up on this. Alright, I got it. I'm faster at being a video game lawyer. She's like, I don't need you guys. I got the streets.

A-B-A-B, may I approach the bench, please? This is 8-bit law, not 16. Well, that wraps it up. To recap the choices, Kyle, you went first. Vincent LaGuardia Gambini and my cousin Vinny.

Dewey P. Dribbles, attorney at law, and Jocelyn Dinks. William Stanley Presley Esquire, the unnamed bus attorney that represents... Preston. Bill S. Preston Esquire. Preston. Why did I say Presley? Preston Esquire, the unnamed bus attorney that represents... Bill S. Preston, Esquire. Preston. Why did I say Presley? Preston, Esquire. The unnamed bus attorney

that represents Dominic Toretto and She-Hulk. Shane. Shane, you went second. You picked the law bros from Those Who Can't starring a one David Borey. Al Pacino from The Devil's Advocate.

Fletcher Reed from Liar Liar. Dan Fielding from Night Court. Sean Penn as Dave Kleinfeld in Carlito's Way, if I got that right. David, you went third. Lionel Hunts from The Sim Liar. Dan Fielding from Night Court. Sean Penn as Dave Kleinfeld in Carlito's Way, if I got that right. David, you went third. Lionel Hunts from The Simpsons. Tom Hagen, Robert Dizzle from the God Fizzle. Bob Blah Blah

from Arrested Development. Bob Blah Blah. Bob Blah Blah. Jackie Childs from Sign Fizzle. Maxine Shaw from Living Single. Maxine Shaw from Living Single. I picked the caveman lawyer, Rick Moranis from Ghostbusters 2.

Saul Goodman from Breaking Beelzele Sam Lloyd from Scrubs and Claire Hoxtable Felicia Rashad we left some killers on the board Harvey Birdman was the one that I was like I should have picked it but I didn't

any sleepers on there matlock oh yeah perry mason yeah lord's dad knows perry mason like i know friday night lights gritty reet boots good otter from animal house i'll throw out there yeah i said l woods from legally blonde totally damn that was a good one. Tom Cruise, Few Good Men. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He was on my list. Gomez Adams. Is Gomez Adams a lawyer? Gomez Adams? Gomez Adams is a lawyer. Wikipedia page. I didn't know that either. According to the internet, yeah. It's crazy that they give him

jobs sometimes. He's a monster dad. What's his job? That's like what they say. How do they eat? They have to tell a network head like what does he do for work i don't know he's a lawyer laura was talking she's like isn't there like a ton of lawyers and romantic comedies and i was like not really it's not it's like uh doctor and architect or like the tropes i couldn't find a ton of so many art have you ever met an

architect in real life no ad sales yeah ads yeah fucking ad sales where okay so you're balling out of control joanne q sac and my blue heaven i was tying that into the rick moranis thing earlier oh yeah yeah yeah that's a great one yeah oh um uh laura from high fidelity yeah she was gonna be a nice one yeah she was she was gonna she was definitely on my list, but I opted out. Can you see yourself on that list, Laura? Maybe you'd sneak into the... I'll do the whole fucking movie.

Well, that... Number five with a bullet. That was so dope. We want to hear your picks. Email us at allfantasypod at gmail.com. Hit us up on Instagram or Twitter. If we're being honest, those are the messages that get answered quicker

just because those are easier from the phone. So if you really got some questions or heat or whatever, throw it on one of those. Shout out to the AFV Patreon. Thank you so much, so much for holding us down.

The aforementioned Maxine. Y'all put food in her mouth. Thank you for that. Shout out to the AFV subreddit. Shout out to everyone in the world. Man man I'm in a good mood shout out to everybody just being positive I am you guys got any shout outs say what's up to someone anyone shout out to dad my friend Mark he listens to the show his nickname's dad I wasn't

there but everybody called him dad because when they were on skate trips we'd stop at gas stations and he'd be like does anybody need anything anything? Like checking in on people. So they were like, whatever, dad. And now his name's... He's just a good guy. His name's still dad. Shout out to... You know what? Proper shout out to Nate Meads for doing my wedding photography. That dude is absolutely killer. He took a thousand photos. They're all amazing. Hire

Nate if you got anything. And Chad from 50 Licks. Shout out to Chad for doing the wedding too. It was so dope. I'm in such a good mood. You guys are so rad. Marissa, you're fucking rad. Everybody's so rad. I'm excited. I'm sure he was shouted out already, but shout out to Kyle and Rachel's wedding outfits. They were amazing.

You mean the king and queen of the forest? Hey man, when Dewey P. Dribbs and old Jossie Dinks come through, we're going to put on our fineries. Oh yeah. I love that. Thankeries. Oh, yeah. Our fineries. I love that. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Yeah. Shout out to Ian Carmel wherever he is in the world, in Bolivia. Yeah. It's in Bolivia specifically somewhere. Well, yeah. Shout out to Saint, Sue Carmel. Shout out to Haji Beach. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. More important than all that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything. Shacklackity! that was a hate gun podcast