All Fantasy Everything - Fictional Vehicles (w/ David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 7, 2021

Beep Beep, who got the keys to the Jeep? Sean, David and Ian draft Fictional Vehicles.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all fantasy everything. The podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. From movies you want to live in to 90s rap albums and everything in between. On this episode, we'll be drafting fictional vehicles. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get to the theme music. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that's no more shots.

We're getting out of this incrementally. No more shots for now. Just beer, mixed drinks. Mixed with water. No more soda. I'm cutting out sodas, too. I'm cutting out sodas. On New Year's Eve, I was in bed as soon as the ball dropped.

I was under the covers and everything. The ball dropped, and I shut the laptop year's eve i was in bed as soon as the ball dropped i was under the covers and everything the ball dropped and i shut the laptop and then someone was in the streets lighting off fireworks and i got up in such a huff like in the underwear huff and i flung the blanket off and i right to the window and i was just staring like they could see me and i was like you fucking punks i'm trying to sleep up here they were just probably enjoying the you know that there's a new different president coming up the firework thing the fireworks were crazy down here i bet they were not where i was i i we went to an abandoned parking lot and shot some off though and it ruled hell yeah why you went and beat off in an abandoned parking i just pounded down

that's what fireworks so i got your ground boom swinging. Yeah, we just went and we shot some off in the parking lot. Me and my friend's wife. A motley crew. A motley crew beating off in what used to be a Kmart parking lot. That was a restaurant. Now it's just dudes beating off there. What a good song. Good job. Yeah, you got it happy new year boys you got it from the wu-tang clan happy new year happy new year to

all the listeners as well except for a couple of you except for a couple of you you know with that you got reference you were really rake want it my friend oh okay now now now he's chefing up puns my skin's kind of red man it's because i'm irish i know it wasn't in wu-tang but he's wu-tang adjacent he's the killer b affiliate i would say yeah i always thought he was in wu-tang clan and i made a fool of myself on more than one occasion is it because he hung out with method man so much yeah i'm like surely he's in the wu-tang clan why wouldn't he why wouldn't they let him in the Wu-Tang Clan? I don't think you're allowed to be from Wu-Tang if you're from New Jersey. Yeah, you got to be from the Shaolin.

Or just not New Jersey, I think. Okay, yeah. Redman definitely talks about how he's from New Jersey. He says Brick City all the time. Brick City. He also has to, I mean, I'd let him in just based on the rubbing two wires from a doorbell together yeah yeah yeah shoebox full of money yeah the cribs episode should have got him into any crew he wanted that should have been like you get into a crew free card he had analog pornography

yeah that's like that's for the woods dog i thought I thought I'm going anything. Like the MacArthur Institute, the Wu-Tang Clan, the Latin Kings. Any national endowment. Any national endowment. The fucking German Bundestag, the parliament in Germany, whatever. Oh, yeah, Bundestag for sure. Does he want to be on the Crystal Palace soccer team? He's on. He has analog porn.

You want to play for the Dallas Flyers? You're in, dude. You want to be on the Sioux Falls Sky Force? I got you. Who died and made you referee, bruv? I think I'm the deciding factor on that. Referee? Referee's not signing checks.

It's from Ninja Turtles, dude. You didn't get a 35-year-old Ninja Turtle reference? Nope. I was four when it came out. No, I was... No. I'm 30. 30-year... No. I'm 30. 30-year-old?

I'm 33. Larry Bird. Can't hear it. Pops. How was everyone's New Year? Sean, you were saying... Good, man. I think before we started, I was in...

Like you, I was in bed at 11.30. Yeah. My girlfriend fell asleep asleep and I stayed up Until midnight and then woke her up at midnight So we were technically we could have a New Year's kiss Yeah the queen was nodding off We watched the ball drop at 10

I called it fake And so I was like I'm staying up till midnight I'm watching the ball drop It doesn't count I pulled her card real quick It was done on a sound stage in Hollywood I was like I'm gonna stay up till midnight i'm watching the ball drop that doesn't count time it doesn't count yeah i call i pulled a card real quick it was on a sound stage in hollywood yeah i was like i'm gonna stay up till here till the ball drops midnight portland time and uh she stayed up with me like a g and then we gave a little peck and then shut the laptop went to bed that we were already in and

then the fireworks started then then i got mad i went to the window i did nothing about it and just went to bed all right yeah did you cook any dishes then like unnecessarily add potatoes to them for new years or for the holidays at all i still i'll stand by it it's good eventually i'll make it for you one of these days you'll like it you've been cooking you've been cooking more and more i cooked scout potatoes on christmas i say i cooked i did as much as i could the box no no no slight cut them and everything i was very ill prepared it takes hour and a half to make those from scratch when you cut the potatoes and shit i didn't know that i gave myself about a half hour made us late and uh we did that thing where you turn the heat up

more and then just think it's gonna cook quicker you know we're like it says cook it at 400 i was like we'll cook it at 475 and cut out until it doesn't do it do it but you know that's that's that's that's pretty much always a bad call low and slow is like a pretty good rule i try to always follow when cooking yeah unless something needs to be charred yeah it's just let's just even like like breakfast bacon and shit like that just do it you get to me falling off the bone yeah like an obese child on the monkey balls

just trying to cling onto there and falling off there real quick. You get a bone now. You go to me, go dripping off the bone now. You get all that little wane

coming over now. Down there. Looking like a looking like Patrick Ewing's forehead sweat just dripping off there now. Oh. Oh.

Oh. That'd be a tough shot to take. Shot of Ewing's forehead sweat. Oh, dude, come on. That sounds like an ingredient in an evil spell. Yeah, yeah. High of Newt. Flagging of Patrick Ewing's forehead sweat. Dave, what did you do for New Year?

Oh, oh. I'm going to do this thing. We can maybe. Sean S. Jordan is here. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. What's up? Sean Jellybean Bryant right here, dude.

Yeah, man. I'm going to do this bean boozled thing. I think we could probably take it out for the Patreon or do a video clip. But there's these bean boozled things which i'm going to read the flavors you either get a dank jelly bean or you get a not dank jelly bean that's exactly what it says on the box uh and here are the flavors and so the thing is they all look so that they have two kinds of each flavor and they look the same so like the first two are stink bug and toasted marshmallow is this a jelly belly production

yeah it's a jelly belly production uh yeah right didn't you used to skate with stink bug and toasted marshmallow yeah man why we did a lot of things together yeah shoplifting from the mall was the main thing i skated with all these kids actually stink bug toasted marshmallow dirty dishwater birthday cake rotten egg buttered popcorn toothpaste berry blue berry blue we did a lot together too uh you are he beat you into the crips berry blue did they i remember skating with barf and peach actually very bluestine now he doesn't he got out of the game he's grown up barf and peach dude that's a that's barf and peach that's the worst yeah uh i used to skate with canned dog food and chocolate pudding a bunch.

Booger and Juicy Pear, we skated together a lot. Spoiled Milk and Coconut, Stinky Socks and Tutti Frutti, and of course, Dead Fish and Strawberry Banana Smoothie. We all skated together quite a bit. God, I hope you get boozled. Dirty Socks? What's Dirty Socks's? Stinky Socks and Tut and tutti frutti your neighbors

and tutti frutti actually smells worse yeah yeah it's odd yeah that's the boozle yeah that's the boozle all right i'm gonna do one and uh yeah so there it is it's birthday cake yeah do another one yeah do another one yeah this is russian roulette i want you to do one for me i can't be looking at the thing hold on i gotta because if i look then i'm gonna stare away from stinky fish or whatever of course you are that's this is a i don't even like this game i'm not looking shut up david this is a bad game who does this i love it do it i love watching it i love watching you do it oh i'm oh oh it's puke he got puke what if it's just one of the fruit ones it's very blue it's carrots it's carrots oh shut up no it's not it's uh oh what is it uh i want to say socks oh you're not doing good he's not doing okay it ain't he looks like he

just saw the ark of the covenant in india jones oh no hey bro man down finish it i think that was socks man uh yuck now do one for david yeah that's fun it's good content this one is oh oh oh bro you're making r&b video faces you look like you're making it passionate love i think it's spoiled milk oh this is you got boozled twice christ oh man holy buckets dude that is not yikes oh my god now do one for marissa and this will be just statistically this should be a good tasting yeah yeah yeah statistically even if it's not doing it for marissa will make it taste good because she's an angel in this foul world till you hit that fish if i i'll puke if it's fish. Butter popcorn, yo.

There it is. Thanks, boys. Preach. You're very welcome. Totes preach. You guys watch the video of that fucking dude singing the Facebook conversation? I've seen it a hundred times. What?

Did you? I'm trying to peel back the social media even more this year. I took Twitter off my phone, dude. Yeah, I got timers on my Instagram. I can only watch it for... I stopped following people I haven't met personally on there. I'm going to send it to you, Ian. It's funny.

I wouldn't steer you wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I want to see it. Did someone just throw something at you, by the way? Me? Yeah. Did something just hit you in the face? No.

No. Oh, all right. I don't think so. All right. Well, it must be those shitty jelly beans i ate huh yeah dude one of them was fucking acid yeah i love the three of you so much game dose one jelly bean what would that cost uh i love the three of you so much and i'm happy to start this new year with you love you this is gonna be a better year i hope i love watching you eat gross stuff yeah dude

that's fun yeah cool we should just do a sean eating gross stuff show where we drive gross stuff for you to eat carrots next time we're together that's what we'll do all right i might have to include shots back in my life for a while if we do that like fucking sardine water and if you do a shot of ewing's forehead sweat then i'll i'll eat a whole fish i'll eat a salmon sardine water doesn't even i've been i cram sardines dude that doesn't sound bad to me somebody used to have a bit about how they or was it a famous person they would knock a the tuna fish shot back like uh who was it was i don't know their roommate or something would would chase tuna fish with the shot of the fucking tuna fish juice gross

i digress that's not really my scene listen if it gets mixed in with the mayonnaise and the tuna and then your sandwich ends up a little wetter than maybe you thought it was i'm fine with that but i'm not doing the tuna juice alone no no no tuna juice is a different movie than juice by the way but it's similar yeah different community base different community i'm not gonna say what that is because i don't really know in both movies omar epps ends up with the juice so yeah it's nice there's only so many stories to be told no two and that's one of those radicalized by playing the character in both movies but in tuna juice his name was rook yeah david bory is here cool guy joke 77 on instagram the gs island on twitter how are you i'm great man i've been feeling great i uh been doing good i lap not laps i just we weren't full tilt because

i saw the four people that i've been seeing since i moved to colorado we all hung out on new year's eve one of whom is a doctor and has been going for it and has not been able to have any time off. So we and we had a we had a Serrano ham from from Spain. Sean, don't worry about it. It's Spania. It's Spania. Why was I worried about it? Well, you know, you don't know about those things.

It's a Serrano ham from Spain. We don't know about international hams. You don't know about international hams. You don't know about international hams. Hey, I know that, and I don't need to be reminded. All right. Yeah, it was good. We went hard, and then on New Year's Day, we had oxtail stew, and it was amazing. Ooh, that sounds delicious.

It was fucking amazing, and here I am. Good job. Sick. Just out here. yeah i got a little beautiful got a couple projects in the fire right now and i'm uh i'm very happy i'm not in california because it's going nuts and but i am i got a nice little spot in denver and i'm hunkered down with my friends and family and i'm doing okay yeah i had to come back to california and i was none too pleased about it.

Yeah. I was gonna, and then I was reading about it and then I was like, wait, I don't, I don't need to, there's no, like, you know what I mean?

It's not like, it's not like I'm not, I, none of my projects are like me need to be there in person right now. So like, you're doing a bunch of like models of portion nine 11 speedsters and you can do those anywhere, right?

Yeah, that's exactly, those are the projects. So I'm blessed. Too blessed to stress. I did one back in the day. I bet you did. Oh, my microphone is nowhere near my mouth. Big Daddy Incense

dropped his microphone. I wish it was incense. It's a tea. It's similar. Yeah. How's the weather out there? Are you doing any more outdoorsy stuff? Oh, fishing well yesterday god damn it yesterday i didn't go fishing with them because i started my day a little too late and then they lost my ice fishing pool which is irritating but i'll go grab another one but yeah i've been we've been we've been just going out hanging out dude i was up in fort collins what the drink into the so somebody so we the way we do it was we have like four or five holes set up and they were both in the tent and uh one

of the hole it was my pool was set up on one of the holes the other guy caught a fish he got excited and dropped my pole into the drink man i get it it happens you know i'm not i'm not tripping too hard it's just mostly fun to be out there i remember when i remember when i lost my virginity yeah i remember my first beer there it is yeah uh you know what here's a fun feeling and this has been something i've never experienced in my whole life until like the last year is the fun feeling me watching you like find a little bit of that spoiled milk jelly bean in your tooth and then react to it. Did you see that a second ago? I did see that. It was so gross, dude.

When losing your phone can be funny instead of like life altering. Yeah, it just happened to me. Before this was a popular show that we were on, before we had any money, when we used to go walk around the mall and dream of buying something at the mall, if I would have lost my phone, it would have been like devastating. Now it still is. It sucks sucks but it's like okay i don't have to get furious at the

person that did it and be like you ruined my fucking life for the next year because i have to buy a new phone so well isn't it you usually did it who usually did it really what i never i've never totaled my phone or lost it don't you you dare put that evil on me. It is you, my friend. It's usually Babylon what does it, right? Yeah. Dude, having a microphone, I'm sitting in these weird positions now. Yeah, I see you getting real Gore Vidal with it. I like it.

I could go off camera if I want. I'm untethered. What's up, y'all? He's going Gore. Yeah, dude. I'm out here. I'm out here. if I want. I'm untethered. What's up, y'all? He's going gore. Yeah, dude. I'm out here. I'm out here. Now I'm back.

Kind of uneventful, but here I am. The last time I lost my phone was after our live show in San Francisco. I didn't lose it, but it broke. I remember that. Didn't you go to the Apple Dome? It broke in San Francisco like two hours before I had to fly to las vegas to meet my mom that's right didn't you have oh that's what it was wasn't it good that you had your mom in las vegas as you had to get a new phone and she was there to talk you off the ledge a little bit yes it was i was

in a huff as you can imagine at the store well you're a little tea kettle from what i understand i'm a little tea kettle absolutely i was hot i was hollering i had to go to two different apple stores and lost wages i bet you that's what it was i remember the text when you got your thing back you were like i had two fucking different apple stores man apple stores are tough anyways and i bet you they are so much tougher in las vegas or what do you call it ian what do you call lost wages yeah that's funny yeah you do that I never bought anything at an Apple store in my life. Man. Is it bad?

I didn't end up getting one from them. I ended up going to a Sprint store, and they hooked me up. Oh, that's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. They'll do that. Man, part of me, honestly, if I had to tell the truth, part of me when I lose my phone

is like, thank God I'm free. I hate it. I really don't like it. I don't need that shit in my life yeah what we do because like everything i do is off of it but it's just like man just let me relax for a second just the but it's so many catches on that d just all the constant refreshing i feel so much better after taking twitter off my phone i was just like that now they call it doom scrolling i was doing so much of that there's so much bad news it's all

bad news and twitter just encourages alarmism anyway people are just so like oh no no no like it like that on there and it's like it's bad enough as it is yeah with no answers too with no answers everybody on twitter is just like i'm breaking down here's why but no like here's what i did to calm myself down today i can't I can't be a part of that. They just hand you their stress. I'd just be using the laser these days to film pushing 40s, pushing 40s. We went out yesterday. Hell yeah.

And it was so, dude, I'm having so much fun with these old dudes skating. It ruled. I love that. Did you show them your jelly beans? David, we're not. I haven't even shown you my jelly beans, and i've known you for a long time i've seen your jelly beans they're they're oversized god i bet you have that's a bummer um no i didn't show my jelly beans but uh we did skate yesterday i skated for like three hours bruh it was tight

damn dude yeah i've been getting 10 000 steps a day every day for like all of december that is sick you just go stomp the yard is that how you're getting your steps stomp the yard yeah i walk the line i stomp the yard you run scared sometimes yeah dude i run dmc i run scared all sorts of things man i walk like a man i walk out there doing like just doing like a step routine in the backyard. It'd be so sick. Just no music? Yeah, just that your music's like you smacking your thighs and hollering. That's the music. How'd you lose so much weight?

I crump. I actually, I crump for about two hours a day. I crump the weight off. Every now and again, put a fucking mask on. I'm wearing a clown mask and that thing. oh my gosh that's a fun visual my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on a jewish one second a day clip i'm doing that i'm decided to do that this year what is that it's where you do one second every day it's like you take a video yourself so it's one second every single day here i'll do it right now with just us podcasting can you see hold on one second

david did the oh god thing that he does when he gets a lot all right so i'm taking it one two three yeah i'm worried my hands are getting bigger i wouldn't worry about that i think they are getting larger though it's do you think maybe it's because you're at elevation so you're like retaining more water or something like that i don't know i bet it's because they're secretly writing another belly movie and you don't know about it yet but your hands do so they're growing they better not they gotta keep that franchise dead uh no i don't know it's just they're more vascular now not. They got to keep that franchise dead. No, I don't know. It's just they're more vascular now.

I don't know what's going on. More vascular? Yeah, they just seem bigger and doing more. You might be losing weight. They might be like, oh, I got more vascular. Are they bigger? I worry that they're bigger. I think also I've been thinking about hands a lot because I was watching basketball.

And, you know, they said Kawhi Leonard can't put his hands in his pockets? Yeah, they're too big. And it really freaked me out. I've just been thinking about it since I heard them say that. It's weird to think of hands that big. Yeah, he's a monster. He should just wear like JNCOs. He could get his hands in those pockets.

You know who else has not freak hands with freak arms? What's his name from the Lakers? harrell oh montrez harrell man that guy's arms are longer than i've ever seen anybody's arms it's wild basketball players man they're crazy you forget they're like i'd say this with love freaks oh yeah they're big huge freaks rayjean rondo is a freak he's like six three but he's like his arms are like seven feet long yeah seeing uh deandre jordan he was like the biggest person i've i've seen like for real that close yeah it was crazy because he doesn't look he doesn't look that big on the television because he's in such good shape and then you see him it's because he's around other people who are six nine i remember and this sounds weird but i remember seeing his butt and being like he has such a big butt

and just attached to a huge body but i do i remember trying out a big boner at the clipper game and then the ref came over he goes get your eyeballs off the court son and i go his butt's so big though huh he's like one of those rap guys girlfriends and then we stopped in mid-conversation and i go to ian i was like you know these are the seats i think that ian vince sat in in an episode of entourage and then we looked down the tunnel and i think it was and then we were in that little lounge that they were in in an episode entourage that's when i sprung for the courtsides the courtside oh yeah went from abc mouse to courtside big day you're the only person who's ever done that big day you're the only person in the world i wanted to tell my boss ashley because he would have lost his mind and i didn't tell him i didn't

i didn't want to be. I told him later, but I don't want to tell him that day. Just be like, I'm going to the game tonight. Courtside, bro. I would have worn a t-shirt. Yeah. You should have flexed on him. Nah.

I made Corden talk me into buying those tickets. We were at the Tony's in New York. And I was like, I'm going to get these tickets. Right. And he's like, I don't know. new york and i was like i'm gonna get these tickets right and he's like i don't know those are expensive i was like no no i need you to be the person who says yeah get them right now and he's all right get them and i was perfect thanks for talking me into it can you show me with your hands how much they cost uh you texted me it was like maybe maybe for the two of them oh yeah yeah i remember i remember when he texted me he goes uh he's like what did you say you're like would you go would you go to a uh game if i bought courtside tickets

and i was like this is a big moment because if you say yes then you're partly responsible for the money that's spent but i was like like, I think I might have already bought them. Yeah. I was like, and then the other part of me, I was like, I hope he's asking to invite me later because I hope this isn't just like a hypothetical. It'd be like, tight, I'm taking someone.

It should be dope. Thanks for the push. We sat right next to the Blazers bench. There was no separation. Like I was sitting next to, who was it? It was Hassan Whiteside, wasn't it? No, I was sitting next to, who was it? It was. Hassan Whiteside, wasn't it?

No, I was sitting right next to Moe Harkless. Moe Harkless, that's right. It was like Moe Harkless and then me. And we talked. You talked about video games and you leaned over. You're like, these are just kids. Yeah. Yeah.

He's just a 23 year old who's like on the road all the time and probably brings his PlayStation 4 with him. I bet. That's what I would do. Hell yeah. Especially now that they can't go out yeah yeah i i maybe i'm maybe i'm going a lot of my comfort zone here but i bet you that's a little bit of a relief for them when they're out when they just get to the hotel and they're like i can't do anything so fuck it i'm just gonna chill is that crazy i think that's you saying that at 39. Yeah, that's a 39-year-old idea. Yeah, I don't think they're like,

this is way better than my life was. I'll go to bed early. I'll get up before the sun so I can watch it get up. You know, that kind of thing. So you could welcome the sun to the day. Their bodies work better than ours ever have. They're not worried about not getting 40 winks. They're 24 year old millionaires yeah like you have to be out and some of them like live in milwaukee and they're like oh

here's our game in miami and i can go nowhere that's the i was talking to the queen about that the other day about like yeah it's i was you know i do i was trying to talk myself into thinking that the not being in the bubble is going to work and she's like i mean they're you know and i was like yeah you're right there it's going to be tough it's weirdly kind of working like they're very responsible it is it's working better than any other sport like they've had fewer positives they had a whole week with no positives which is listen i'm the safest thing would be nothing but like i'm not in charge of that so don't like don't be like, Ian, you shouldn't encourage the NBA to play a season.

I've known you seven years, and you've been lying to me for eight of them. I thought you were in charge of the NBA this whole time. I do present myself like that. I try to come off like I'm in charge of the NBA, but if you go through, I've never said it explicitly. Well, because you never had the written consent to say it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of the NBA. The Board of Governors never signed off on that. But I do frame myself as I'm yeah yeah of the nba the board of governors never signed off on that but i do frame myself as i'm in charge of the nba and in a lot of spiritual ways i am sure

yeah yeah it's sort of in the in grand shamanistic traditions yeah they've said that i've heard you you're the shaman of the blazers yeah i'm the blazer shaman yeah spiritual spiritual why'd you do that wow what's 2021 sean who is this yeah why are you doing that i'm pissed dave did michigan state lose or something what's going on man are the spurt do you have a bad record why you ask go green bro go green you're gonna get yourself into some michigan state conversations wearing that thing we were in uh i can fake i can fake it i just bring up magic johnson a bunch um wasn't um draymond green yeah we were when we were in alabama we were at an arby's of course and laura's dad had a michigan state shirt on and this dude walks up and he goes this is an older guy too this wasn't this was like a 60 year old and he just walks up to laura's dad and didn't

smile or anything he's like that's the wrong shirt dude and he just looked at him and her dad's like okay go green kind of smiled and the guy just kept staring at him and i was like man if this if laura's dad said a couple different things those two grown men would fight in this arby's because he had a michigan state thrown throwing sloppy haymakers yelling roll tide while a general beat his ass. Military training beat his ass. I will fuck you up in this Arby's. I hate it when dudes make it for real when you got some shit like that.

It happened to Ian at Big Wang's one time too. He had a blazer hat on. This dude next to him, he's like, it's the wrong hat, bro. And it's just like, what? You want to fight in the big wangs in north hollywood i don't even think the blazers were playing an la team were they and no who cares i got sam t got me a vintage lakers hat for christmas with i fucking love and i was wearing it down at the 7-eleven the other day and those boys are active and somebody was like on some frat calls it the 1-8-7-11

by the way he lives in denver yeah i mean we have so many of them that just by number some of them got to be kind of active but these the young boys in front were trying to give me guff and i'm like man what the fuck it what do you think is going on you love we're one in four first of all yeah first of all i mean it's only four games in it's or five games in it's like but i just don't like those guys who are like what are you what are you doing that's your that's your thing yeah it's ridiculous it's fun to joke a little bit yeah it's you know but like when you're serious step off i used to joke about it at work all the time i could be like hey i'm gonna fuck you up steve yeah dude that

was just for fun i'm like i know where your mom's address is bro yeah i got it in a car i'm not afraid to go back i have nothing in my life i sleep on a couch the government thinks i live in maine i'll ice you for carmelo anth no questions asked. Is he leaving next year? Yeah, he wants to go to a bigger market. But right now he's mile high. He doesn't know who I am, and I'll kill you for him. And I'll kill you. I'll kill you for Earl Boykins off the bench.

I don't give a shit, Doug. I'll kill you for Earl Boykins. My life is sad. I'll glare at someone in Laker gear at a a at a blazer game but yeah that's different but a fun glare you're a shaman but you'll kill when you need to yeah yeah i'm that kind of shaman it's that kind of podcast it is that kind of podcast now we are gathered here today not only not only to talk about killing people for ear Boykins, but also to fantasy draft fictional vehicles. This was chosen by our wonderful Patreon members.

They also chose another topic, which we're going to be saving for when we have a guest because we liked it so gosh darn much. It did. It was a resounding landslide. For the other one. If I can bother to use the word resounding. But yeah, it was.

The reason I feel like this is a little more limited and that is very colorful and i feel like it works with a guest and a colorful guest you know what i mean yeah yeah totally yeah so i don't want them feeling slighted like they'll both get used but this one seems more fitting for the three of them yeah we want you feeling sledded it's it's january it's winter weather take it out take it out take it out i slept on the ice the other day it was thrilling did you did you fall on your tuchus or what on my tuki on my stand tuki williams uh you know it wasn't that bad it was just i was just goof. I was out there goofing and kind of not pretending to ice skate and not paying attention and boop, right on my bum.

It's one of the funniest things that can happen to another person. That's on the list for draft topics, but that's definitely one of the... Just seeing people fall down. Funny things that happen to other people. And slipping on the ice is one of my favorite things, as long as they're okay. It's kind of funny when it happens to you, too'm not one of those totally i'm not one of those yeah i don't give a shit you gotta laugh you know you gotta you just gotta big tree fall hard

i knew i knew what this was yeah my side that's the first word i remember the first sentence i remember hearing bradley cooper say was in wedding crashes like i don't remember anything before that i do now obviously because i've seen it a bunch but that stuck out was the first thing like whoa big tree fall hard when you fix up that spot tuscany zach tuscany carl loves using that one it does too and another zach was him is uh whenever he sees any kind of like a lion or a tiger or anything he goes oh big kitty i love it i think sometimes he says it when he's just like talking about yeah he'll say yeah he'll say it when he sees like a semi too or like a plane in a weird like you know hope the big kitty right semi what happens when he sees a hole boner bro yeah dude that's a big cat talking that's a big cat shout out to zach i

missed that guy he i see i see he was in my circle in la so i saw him like every other day every three days so yeah it's weird not hanging out with him i never see zacula anymore i keep that i keep a tight circle you gotta keep it small me and dana i don't have a fucking circle my circle is laura's brother and uh sister-in-law that's my circle yeah and then you know it's dope but it's like i don't see i guess i see the big dog when we go shredding and i see the uh pushing 40s pushing boardies so but we don't get to make out like i do with you guys is that what you miss we kiss a lot we used to kiss all the time yeah uh sure thought that was funny because i couldn't say it without laughing i enjoyed it there it is you'll have to you you have to make another trip down here when david's back in

la and this place isn't a walking nightmare town yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna um i'm started you know recent life events that i'll talk about eventually uh we'll we'll you know i just need to get out a little bit in the next few months he's converting to hardcore sect of buddhism to badu pardon me to baduism yeah i'm gonna cut my lips off yeah is that what you okay is that what they do yeah yeah in baduism no i think you just gotta call tyrone and eat apples yeah i mean it was a stormy night man i was listening to mary j blige I listened to a bunch of 90s R&B yesterday, and this Mary J. Blige song, Sweet Thing. You ever heard that song? Yes.

It's so good. I don't remember it from being a kid. She's amazing. It's off the 411, right? It definitely is. Yeah. And it is so... Anyway, stop.

Well, don't stop this. After we're done, listen to Mary J. Blige, Sweet Thing. You know what the J stands for? Judaism. Mary Judaism Blige. Or you can pronounce it Judaism, however you want to, but that's what it is. Not a lot of people know that. She's not Jewish.

It's just a shout out. We appreciate it. It's just a shout out. Peace sign to God. We appreciate it. It's a nice shout out. You know, peace sign to God. We appreciate it. It's a nice thing she did. Oh, that's tight. Now, the way we determine the order of the draft

is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the two of you. Whoa, the finger? Sean's throwing the finger. We haven't even started the game yet. Don't throw it at me because you're upset you're over there eating spoiled milk or whatever the fuck yeah dude can't we call it uh what was it poop smasher poop cover poop cutter oh no that was two weeks i won't i can't do it

again i'm gonna pass out last time it's january we left that behind in 2020 ease into the poop talk dog that's what you do with poop. You leave it behind. Exactly. So rock, paper, scissors, poop, smash, or poop? I won't do it. No, I won't do it either. And we throw and shoot. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. You're not going to do the, okay.

This is how. Yeah, come on, man. What do I, what? Before that, but before that, I need to remind you that it's a serpentine. Oh, no, that's after. that it's a serpent no that's after that's no that's after yeah it's after the game you did this you know what leave it in leave it in i want everyone to see i want everyone to see this denver changed you bro yeah pretty tight now now you got those big hands dude yeah are you scared you don't you don't break the table you

want to eat that you want to eat that for lunch look at that look at that i'm starving look at that it's on the menu dude put some mayo on it for you fucking nerd no no tomatoes you non-vegetarian prick that thing looks like it could punch a body oh boy oh man we've all got our own weapons. Alright, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Ooh, David wins with his big hands. Big ol' hands. Big ol' hands through rock.

Big hams. Ham solo, dude. Ham solo. David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question. It's like

the, um, if you get a Pop-Tart, a frosted Pop-Tart, and in, as of late, or the last, I don't know, ten years or so, they'll do, like, the base frosting, and then they'll have another frosting on top of it. Say if it's, like, a wild berry, they'll have a purple frosting. Then on the top, they'll have, like, a red or white frosting, and what they'll have another frosting on top of it say if it's like a wild berry they'll have a purple frosting then on the top they'll have like a red or white frosting and what they'll do with that is they'll start because they don't they don't want to frost the whole

thing it's already frosted it's just a sousan yeah it's just a yeah it's just a little sousan and they'll start at the top left and they'll go over to the to the right and they'll go down a little bit and then they'll just go back over to the left but it's just a line. It's a thin little line. It's not a thick, full frosting. It's just a thin line between love and cake. Thin line between love and cake. That's what a Pop-Tart is.

Starring Shacky Dacky. Then you go to the left, you go down a little bit, go to the right and then go down a little bit, go to the left and go down a little bit all the way to the end

and then you have a terrible breakfast for a middle schooler going to kid all of us going to school yeah yeah basically what it means is you pick third in the first round you pick first in the second round david with that in mind what will the order of the fictional vehicles draft be david sean ian oh hot corner david sean ian is the order of the draft, which means David, you have the first pick and we will get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy.

Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on

with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst?

And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you.

They just go to all the nation's top all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the

bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. Google Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with PolicyGenius.

Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get

it done. There's the magic of microdosing with It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box.

And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code ALLFANTASY atule35.co. That's 15% off at Schedule35.co and use promo code AllFantasy. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for

that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't

talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key, conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10 minute segments.

They're perfect for say someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span, 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And you know, don't just try a word for word studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old ladies, alma mater and beyond. They prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy again get up to 60 off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply

yeah and we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed in the world the only entertainment this decade this is it ever it's a new decade this is the only entertainment new d new me that's right and this ain't your mom's podcast it ain't your dad's podcast bro it is my mom's podcast it is my mom's my mom also dabbles in the podcast yeah it's our mom's podcast yeah vaccinated saint that's what carmel is yeah yeah yeah but i also got a cameo from a mother who and she and her child listened to this podcast so shout out to you hey i did a kid you guys should get a cameo by the way it's real what'd you say were you like hey baby yeah this is the big bop only do cameo if i can only do the big pop thing. Do I what? Can I what?

Oh, baby, you know what I like. Chantilly Lace had a pretty face and a ponytail hanging down. A wiggle and a walk and a giggle and a talk. Wah, wah. Make the world go round, round, round. Well, ain't nothing in the world like a big-eyed girl to make me act so funny, make me spend my money, make me feel real loose like a long-necked goose. Oh, baby, that's what I like.

So I'll do that for $20. $20. I love it. I don't know what I'll do. I'll rap. Maybe I'll'll rap i'll freestyle yeah people until i get good at it tell them you won't do any afe stuff but you'll just you'll just freestyle i'm not i'm not on here for afe this is purely a freestyle thing yeah part of the freestyle new freestyle fellowship yeah you want your phone to burn up i'll freestyle for you yeah if you have to if you have to like make some documents on your phone disappear you'll freestyle so hot that they'll just burn up yeah yeah yeah

yeah or i'll send them to david to take to bolivia if he ever goes i don't know what you're talking about you can't even send me shit dog you can't even i i cut off all messaging this is yeah man i only communicate through podcasts and smoke signals now that's it dude yeah otherwise i'm off the motherfucking grid don't ask about me i'm carrier pigeons and a pneumatic tube at a certain bank that you gotta know somebody to know somebody exactly exactly navy federal credit union i uh i'm sorry for blowing up your spot oh almost a spit take almost a spit take 2021 i'll take you that's how he communicates with spit taking 2021 ian's big into communicating through body language too

he just writes stuff on his chest like he just takes off his shirt and says help me body languages yeah i can't write on my chest anymore because i wrote the one thing nicole forever and that's like i don't have any room on my chest anymore see it's from a movie so it's you know it's different what movie is that from fear you remember that no when he he carves into his chest and then he smears ink in it and then he pounds on his chest about oh wait they're different scenes is that the de niro joint marky mark and uh reese wither wither spoon oh that doesn't sound fun to me i'm thinking of cape fear well cape fear sounds fun though he bites a woman's face off i like that movie uh it's what's yeah it's good but it's not it's not fun it's uh ridiculously gnarly look wither spoon without

her spoon i don't care you know she's a delight she's a real true delight i can't think of a lot of weath reese witherspoon joints weath weath weath weath weath weath don't do it don't do it it's january 3rd i don't want to hear it what's up you can't think about joints? I was illegally blonde. You can't think illegally blonde. I was illegally blonde too. You can't think about cruel intentions. With Rizzo Spoon, my cruel intentions were great. Great intentions.

I can't do it. I don't know why I tried. I feel bad about trying. Someone just sent me a Rizzo video and I was like, that's what I sound like. If it was audio, I'd have been like, why'd you send me a video of me? Audio of me what i sound like if it was audio i'd have been like why'd you send me a video me audio me video anyway anyway anyways anyways oh wreath wizard wreath wizard poon breathe with her soon wreath wizards wreath wizards spoon

play lacrosse at duke he works with finance now yeah he's uh he Madoff, so he didn't get knocked, but he knew what was going on. He profited for sure. Oh, yeah, Wreath Withered Poon? Yeah, he... Wreath Withered Poon? The guy who had fucking...

He's got a house in the Hamptons. Yeah, he owns a submarine. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. He vacations on the Cape. He has a bungalow in the Hamptons. He calls it... It's a bungalow. How many bungalows you got?

Don't come at my man, Wizard Poon. Sorry about my tone. The Wizard Poon bungalow. He has a bungalow How many bungalows you got? Don't come at my man Wizard Poon Sorry about my tone The Wizard Poon bungalow He has a bungalow in the Hamptons Wizard Poon bungalow played Cross at Wake Forest That's a different guy Wizard Poon bungalow That's a different guy entirely What's your boyfriend's name, Karen?

You've probably heard of him Wizard Poon bungalow Plays for the Colorado M heard of him wizard poon bungalow plays for the colorado mammoth yeah the wizard poon bungalow no no no no not not the cuban one not the cuban okay no no no the white you'll notice my you'll notice my ring finger i'm about to be mrs wizard poon bungalow and my stepdad couldn't be happier. Mrs. Dr. Wizard Poon Bungalow. The Boulder Wizard Poon Bungalows? There's actually a bench on Pearl Street named after them because they donated, you know.

They donated a Wizard Poon Bungalow lump sum. My brother was born in the Wizard P poon bungalow but lump sum there's my brother was born in the wizard poon bungalow uh wing of the pooter valley hospital oh yeah pooter valley yeah it's not it's not spelled how you think that's too bad yeah computer uh david you have the first pick in the fictional vehicles all all fantasy, everything drafting. What will that first pick be? Oh, I'm taking the planet destroyer. I'm taking the death star. Damn it.

Shit. Had to take it first. It kills planets, dog. Yeah, that's no move. I was wondering what the parameters on vehicle were. A lot of people don't know it's sponsored by Bose, so the beats knock. What else am I going to do?

The Bose death star the bow's death star the bow's death star what planet in our solar system not earth are you gonna destroy first with your death you thought i would destroy earth jesus i just took it off the table i didn't want to make you the bad guy i didn't want to even set you up i don't like setting you up for failure is planet x still one i would i would knock off the littlest one planet dmx yeah what you can't kill a lot of people have tried and failed with the death star uh i mean i guess pluto i i don't know you just take it out to the skirt i'm not trying to kill a planet i'm just saying if we got to take it there i have the ability i'm i'm a nice guy bro just don't like don't push me i wonder if you can like

make a smaller laser and do like lasik with it or something like that and do some goodness world yeah i think you can hone it in for sure i think you could do i think you could i think i think if i got that thing dialed in i could do a bikini wax on a puerto rican 20 miles out. 20 miles out. Would you write Mrs. Dr. Wizard Poon Bungalow on a grain of rice for me with it? Yeah, I could do whatever you want, man. I could do whatever you want. Who are you giving that to? He's bethrobed. Sometimes

you gotta buy yourself a gift. Is it a wedding gift? Yeah. I'm gonna put it in a vial of blood and wear it around my neck. Oh, nice yeah yeah yeah that makes sense that makes that makes perfect sense yeah the death star that'd be a lot it'd be expensive but like you'd get your funds oh yeah i pay a lot in gas i pay a lot in gas geico is really fucking me on insurance maybe maybe people who are more into star wars than us yeah because they've blown up two of them they've only had two and they've blown up two so the insurance has to be like

through the roof it's nuts because they know it could go at any time is the death star as big as a planet no as big as a moon as big as a moon maybe a smaller moon all right that's also i mean i'm throwing i'm throwing lavish ditty style parties up there as well like it's not like it's not even like i have it so decked out you forget that it could kill shit yeah like i'm on my opulence shit yeah one of those like hiding in plain sight weapons well the thing is i i painted it so i copped it and it was space gray my your man i i made a turtle shell. So it's a whole different vibe.

It's a whole different vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could paint it like a soccer ball. You could do anything you wanted. For the World Cup? I painted it tortoise shell. There's some bungalows. It's like a whole other, it's a whole other vibe.

It's like, don't even worry. This isn't your dad's Death Star. Will you change the name to? Not your dad's podcast, dude. No, no, no, no. There it is. Will you change the name? Not your dad's podcast, dude. No, no, no, no. There it is. Are you keeping the name Death Star? Oh, no.

Now it's Death Star, like Def Jam. Yo. It's Death Sar. No, I don't want the Death Sar. No, I want a Death Star. I don't want death in it. I don't want death in it because we're partying. Can it be the Death Sar?

I want Sar in there. God darn it. I don't want my name on it because I'm doing things. Oh be the death sar i want sar in there oh darn it i don't want my name on it because i'm doing things you can't you don't want to be on the grid i feel you don't want to be on the grid i'm trying to pull out not go in you know what i'm talking about dice games in the hallway yeah man i mean it's like let's just say the turtles the tortoise shell outside i got it up for the low that's all you need to know it's owned by a corporation that david is not legally attached to yeah okay all right it is sponsored by bows though that's real yeah that's real that's real my mom just got me i got two bows like units in the house now i got one in the gym one in the crib man it's great hell yeah it's i have a bow soundbar i love it i love it i'm tuned in i'm tuned in bro i'm tuned in. Tuned in, bruv. I'm tuned in, bruv. Tuned for your head talk.

Proper. I'm tuned in, yeah? Proper. That's proper, bruv. I'll tune you in, yeah? I just restarted watching Top Boys, so it's going down again. I got to meet a fucking bruv, dude. It's bumming me.

I've never been across the pond, and I want to meet a fucking bruv so bad. We'll go. A proper bruv. I know we will. I'm looking forward to it so much. And I know we have listeners in London a fucking bruv so bad. We'll go. A proper bruv. I know we will. I'm looking forward to it so much. And I know we have listeners in London where the bruvs are. The first bruv that sees me, I want

you to come up and do some bruv shit. I don't know exactly what it is. He's going to punch you in the face. That's alright. I ain't never been punched in the face. I've been around the block. I've done bruv shit with people that aren't bruvs. So I want a bruv to do it. He's going to walk up to you and button the top button on your polo shirt man yeah that's that's like the biggest bruv move that you could do is button the top button and put a chain like well well below it

well well below it well well yeah we'll go to england for sure once all once all this mishigas is over england, look out for us. Late 2021, early 2022. We'll be there, dude. Stomping. Stomping the yard. I'm with it. Sean, time for your first pick. Back to the future DeLorean.

DeLorean. Of course. Guts to do it. Guts to do it. I mean, not that I need to say it, but time travel. I can go anywhere I want. You time travel. Didn't we do this?, but I time travel. I can go. I can go anywhere. What you time travel? Didn't we do?

This might be a draft. I was going to ask you where did we do that? I think we did. Didn't we do like times you would want to travel to or some shit? I always ask people. 50 was rule would 50s was rule. And I was like, not for everybody. No, that's when he took the Weezer video. I when i said i wanted to live in the buddy holly video yeah yeah yeah yeah okay

um if i could go back and there's so i don't know how weird i'd want to get or what i'd want to do like there's part of me that just would want to go back and like to the 70s and just see like a more calm like go to the 70s and see like a dope rock concert or something and then a part of me would want to go see like the big bang that was smith's like uh he's like yeah i'd go see when the dinosaurs got extinct that wasn't a big bang that wasn't the big bang just in case not the big bang just the meteor hit the earth or the big bang that'd be wouldn't that be gnarly it depends in the delorean you're not an observer you're a you're a participant when you're in the delorean as we know i'd see how far forward it goes if i'm a participant then first porno shoot what the first porno shoot ever the first recorded

porno like like video because i'm sure there was no the first audio recording orgies on the walls back in the day i think i would go to the first audio recorded porn. They were like drawing orgies on the walls back in the day. I think they did. I would go to the first audio recorded porn. Sponsored by Audible. Yeah. And Bose. That's a good call to see how far forward I could go just to see what time it is. Yeah, I'd go and see how I'd see.

Because you never know. Maybe I'd click in 100 years in the future and there'd be nothing here. I'd be like, all right. They're just like, it's not, bro. It's risky. It's risky in the Delorean. Because what if David blew up the earth with his death star by then then you go there and

like where does the car land then you're dead well no then you're just floating space right but then you can't get any perch how do you get up to 88 miles an hour i mean it's still like it's still like going we don't need it's still got the boost in the back i think it'd be easier to get to 88 but there's no there's no traction. Yeah, but you're still hurtling forward. Oh, because it's got the... You've got the boosters. Oh, that's right. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is the new DeLorean, not the first DeLorean. Yeah, so we can still kick it to 88. Yeah. Rooftop like I'm bringing 88 back? Ooh, don't say it's topless. Yeah. I'm not going to say that.

Will Miles had a great tweet tweet about it shout out to will miles friend of the podcast oh yeah no i'm not gonna say the titties are out on your car i'm never gonna why would i ever we're fucking it's three we're going to dunkin donuts wasn't that an ebonics don't say the top down say the titties it's naz made you look naz damn it i thought i was in ebonics well anyway the delorean terrible line by him by naz yeah need to wake up naz i guess it's a good line but i'm not gonna say it it's not a good line because nobody like a good line is like everybody starts saying that no one ever said it again people don't even reference it like there's not like reference lines that

would never be like oh yeah i'm coming over i got my rag top and the titties are out you're an enterprise rent-a-car so it's like so i know you i know you reserve the ford focus but uh for a little bit extra you can get this you can get this mustang and uh the titties is out i know you're coming for your high school reunion and what are those bullies gonna say to you if you come through with the titties out you pull up the titties is out you're blasting some stevie winwood yeah oh you sure are top five dead or alive white male protestant dead or alive white male protestant

stern protestant vindictive male vocalist is he vindictive probably steve winwood don't get to the top by not being yeah man oh i don't like i don't know if i like that universe where steve steve winwood's just a dick he's vindictive he's vin diesel too he's Steve Linwood's just a dick. He's vindictive. He's Vin Diesel, too. He's both. Vin Diesel's not a dick, is he? I don't think so. I think he's weird. He's famous, man. I heard a story. Yeah, I've heard some weird stories about him. I've heard some really weird stories about Vindictive.

She's addicted to what Vindictive did. This is my cousin, Vindictive. The DeLorean. Plus, it's a car designed by someone who got busted for i think cocaine possession or something oh man i watched that i watched that documentary he's a real interesting guy yeah i'm not gonna say that uh as i was time traveling i wouldn't possess any cocaine i'm gonna probably time travel with some would you bring a blow back to like to the medieval times and just see what happened?

Yeah. Here's how you fight. Give Genghis Khan a bunch of coke and just see what happens. I don't think anything different. I'd put it, yeah. I think it just expedites the process. Yeah. I'd throw a blow into weird rooms,

just like the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Yeah. I'd just throw a couple balls. Ha! What's this? What's this? That would be so tight. Alright, you guys, keep figuring it out.

Keep writing those laws. Sean Adams is just doing gummies. Everybody has guns. Everybody. We give them guns everybody has to have a gun take them they can't take them you have to have a gun nobody can take it also i don't want soldiers in my house i don't know they look at me i don't like those guys they're not this time to sleep outside put in a fucking tent you're 20 they've never found the country. They just open a restaurant. Yeah, yeah.

Write it down. We're starting a bar. Who's got a cigarette? Are they invented? Somebody invents cigarettes. What the fuck are bear arms? I'm trying to get bear arms, dude. I'm trying to get jacked this summer.

Have you heard of P90X? The John DeLorean, dude. I'm trying to get jacked this summer. Have you heard of P90X? The John DeLorean, dude. All right. Yeah, great pick. John D'Lo. Time for my first and second picks, as it is. And with my first pick, I'm taking Optimus Prime, dude. Oh, good call.

I was going to take Optimus. You can roll him around, and he's got your back. You will never get fucked with. No matter where I go, I don't think they need gas. So like all my transportation is taken care of. It's like some kind of organic thing, right? Like you have to check their fluids, right? They've got that core or whatever.

But do they eat? I don't think they eat, dude. Ian, where do you want to go? Take me to the CBS parking lot. Okay. And then, you know. Here's my question. Does he always have to be a semi?

Because that could be irritating. No, he could be a boner. Again. Again. Again. You're right. You did it again. Got him.

And boom. He passes it to the man. He shoots. And boom goes the dynamite. I mean, if and boom he passed it to the man he shoots and boom goes the dynamite i mean if i don't want it to be a robots in disguise situation he could just pick me up in his hand and fly me wherever we were going oh that makes more sense yeah he can fly he's got that big sword then you just go chill man go chill while i'm at work go hang out i just get a big spot yeah i'm gonna be going to be here five, six hours. Go do whatever Optimus Prime wants to do. He can't get COVID, so we can go to the mall. Let your hair down.

Yeah. You could find out what those flashing lights mean when the semis do them. I bet Optimus could let you know. Like if you're on the freeway late at night and a semi flashes you, that's like Morse Code. He could let you know what those mean. That means they want a fucking beager, dude. They want you to pull over and give them a beager or a knob.

A beager and a knob are the same thing. Not to truckers. Maybe where you're from. Not to truck drivers? Not on the road. Yeah. Freshman. He thought it was the same thing.

Shit. I thought this was my dad's podcast. It's not. Yeah. I hate your dad's bod you've driven from portland to la too many times to think of beecher and a knob are the same thing that's true that's true that's true okay this fucking idiot just lose my number don't call me i'll call you optimus Optimus Prime, dude. Yeah. Good call.

I'd have him kick shit over I don't like. Oh, yeah. Malloy gets a little too spicy on Twitter. You know what I mean? All of a sudden, that new fire pit is getting kicked over. Did he get a fire pit? Yeah, Malloy got a fire pit. Did he get a fire pit?

Yeah. He got it a few days after me, dude. I love him so much. I can't wait to hang out at that fire pit. I'm glad you guys both got fire pits. That's a good investment. It's him so much. I can't wait to hang out at that fire pit. I'm glad you guys both got fire pits. That's a good investment. It's beautiful, man. We got the whole east side of LA

locked down. What side do we live on? Wherever we live. I'll drive down there tomorrow. I'm going to be cooking for Dana's birthday, dude. Come crash it. I'm sure she'd love it if it was you, me, and her for her birthday. Yeah. I do. I don't like toot my own horn best third or fifth or seventh wheel in the

game whatever i will yeah i i love i love that position you want me to come down and beat your girlfriend's ass in trivial pursuit while i black out drunk and then drive back crazy man just crazy that you did that by the way toot your own horn is another thing truckers will flash their lights yeah they will yeah i'm sick of toot my own horn i want a knobber bj giver's choice giver's choice it's always the giver's choice yeah yeah i suppose they can't be like you start i can't help but notice you started beejuring me when I wanted a knobber. I'm going to need the knobber. Oh, boy.

Take off the sunglasses. I need a knobber. Or put them on. I mean, I don't know what's on your knobber menu. You need a 3J, dude. RT-3J? No, I got bad hips. Optimus Prime.

Paw-weep, raw-weep, nanny-bomb. He can tell me what that means, dude. Yeah. Tight. The Prime. Yeah, that's good. The Prime. And if David wants to get too sassy with the Death Star, I mean, Optimus Prime has already dealt with Unicron,

so, like, we just know. That's a different... Okay. We're crossing streams. All right. Okay, cool, cool, cool. The DeLorean is my first pick The DeLorean is my first pick DeLorean is my first pick

Oh sorry Optimus Prime is my first pick Try to sneak it in there Don't try to give me a knob When I don't want one If you're asking for a beach You're giving me a knob I think with my second pick I have to take the Millennium Falcon. Not to be confused with the Willennium Falcon.

No. Which is a totally different vehicle. No, that's parked in Miami. Yeah. That vehicle's got a sex swing, I heard. It's an open Falcon. Kessel Run and eight parsecs? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Under. Under. Under, under, under, under. It's an open Falcon. Kessel Run and eight parsecs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Under. Under. Under, under, under, under. It's just beautiful. It's like an RV for the sky. It's like a hoopty, too, right? It's a little bit of a hoopty, but it's got a way. Yeah, it's kind of a hoo-rud.

Well, it may not look like much, but it's got it where it counts. That's what they say about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is. It's lived in. It's comfortable, all right? It's got like a whatever that chess game is that I used to holler or whatever three the three star the three level chess yeah you can stretch out you can you can jump into hyperspace and then walk into the back

and maybe like cook up some dinner you know they got a stovetop in there yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah in there they got a hot plate they got a Vitamex If you're in the Millennium Falcon And there's a fly in the Millennium Falcon And you hit hyperspace Is the fly going hyperspace? Like if you put the fly outside Is it going hyperspace? Or is it just flying the normal fly speed?

That's what I wonder about If you put it outside? What are you Oh I see what you're saying Now if you jump into hyperspace And then the fly moves within the Millennium Falcon Is the fly going faster than hyperspace? That's a question I've often wondered.

Like if you walk forward while even if you walk forward. If I'm in a car and I go like this, my hand's not moving faster than 80 miles an hour. I mean, but, you know, it's going through the world faster than 80 miles an hour. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, but there's still 80 miles in the slap. This is a different speed. This is a speed that I'm talking about? It's going like 80 miles in a slap. This is a different speed. This is a speed that I'm propelling. That's the speed. That's different speeds. I think it is going.

This is why I wonder, dude. I'm sorry for anyone who just got in a car wreck because they're taking so hard. It crashed the whip. They were swimming. They were listening to this in their pool. They were blasting out of the speaker. They're drowning drowning now i love the idea of somebody listening to this poolside poolside dude yeah poolside some of those messages where people are like uh like yeah i was

um like at the gym and i'm like this is the motivation huh yeah i've had multiple people tell me they've had sex to us which is weird that's always a weird one which is like i i never if whenever anybody who's told me that i'm sorry i didn't like hug you i just didn't know what to do at the time no there's no hugs there maybe a knob i'm sorry i didn't knob you yeah the millennium falcon it's just it's just fast it's iconic it seems it seems comfortable a lot of these spaceships don't seem like comfortable they seem like they seem they seem uncomfortable they seem stark they seem clean they seem too overly sanitary the millennium falcon seems like it's got those beads on the seat yeah that's what i want that's what i'm

looking for it's roomy it's just like a big, like comfy Winnebago up in the sky, man. Yeah. Yeah. Back massager kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. That kind of smells like weed. Yeah, exactly. Weed and patchouli.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chewbacca's there being cool. Yeah. You know, Chewbacca makes a great grilled cheese. Chewbacca makes a great grilled cheese.

I guarantee it. Chewbacca knows how to roll a joint a hundred percent. Yeah. Oh yeah. Wally's making the grilled cheese. He's doing both. Not bad. roll a joint a hundred percent yeah oh yeah while he's making the grilled cheese he's doing no i've no i'm not i can't do it i tried i tried for the listeners they need to know what i'm good fine you think you can do a rizzo but you thought you blew the chewy i thought i knobbered the chewy you mix it up all the time. You are an amazing man.

That's true. That's true. Thanks, bro. No problem. I took the Millennium Falcon. Sean, time for your second pick. First pick, time travel. Second pick, I'm going inside the human body,

the magic school bus. Magic school bus? Magic school bus? Yeah. Magic school bus? Magic school bus? Magic school bus. To me, there's nothing, except for time travel, that would be doper than getting to go in to see the...

I mean, it's just so crazy to think about. That sounds horrifying to me. Just being able to go up in the body. No way. I could do solids. I'd be like, you want to know if you got cancer? I'll take the bus in and let you know. Hopefully, I come out with some good news.

That's not the only thing the bus does. They went other places, though. They took a left and two and test in, but then they took their second right on mars yeah it goes into space it goes yeah have you seen the magic school yeah i mean 30 years ago it goes all kinds of places i just thought it was the human body i didn't do a ton of research because i was proud i thought of it without researching i was like oh that's a good one no I didn't know it could go to space yeah I could do like you're opening yourself up to a bunch

of shit yeah nope then I'm it's a great pig sick I'm inner I'm inner more than time travels too yeah it does like everything well I want to look cool when I time travel so I'm gonna keep taking the DeLorean I want to you know i want the bus is cool too man yeah cool bus yeah i could

have a party on it and if correct me if i'm wrong but anybody i can fit in the bus gets to come with that because everybody goes that's the whole class so like i could bring and they shrink if you shrink and yeah i could bring all the homies we could go do a live AFV from inside someone's body. Yeah, I mean, or other places. Yeah, I don't... What the... I mean, you live from a body. It's the first solo AFV in a bus. You want to Osmosis Jones it?

What, do you want to be in Shane's asshole? Like, what? David Borey. Oh, you weren't going to go... How else were you going to go in? I wasn't going to go into Shane's butt, I'll tell you that. You go that's another thing you're gonna go in it's another i wasn't gonna go into shane's but i'll tell you that that's where you live you were gonna go i wasn't gonna i don't you it ain't no dinner thing i'll tell you that it's a lunch thing lunch tings

yeah man the magic school bus i'll be getting up in bodies do you know who's the boss of miss frizzle or the voice of miss frizzle no uh hold on hold on hold on give me a hint can you give me a hint without giving it away older comedic actress she's fantastic she's wonderful suzy essman julie louis dreyfus no no no her first name is a flower ira or uh delora daffodil rose daffodil rose that's who it was daffodil rose that person we all know daffodil rose she was on laugh-in she's in grace and frankie she was in nashville she's in nashville is it lily tomlin it's lily tomlin man she could do anything anything she's the best she is a mate bro i love great. Let's get her on AFV. I would love that.

Yeah, man. If you got any way to hook that up, David, that'd be... We should shoot our shot. Let's shoot our shot. We should also get Baron Vaughn on. Yeah. And Lily Tomlin. And Martin Sheen.

Let's get rid of Sean, dude. And Shane Fonda. All Grace and Frankie can come on. I got a Spartans game to go to anyways, so you guys have fun. I gotta get out of here. What if we replace Sean with Lily Tomlin? No one would have ever seen that coming. People would definitely be bummed.

People would be bummed for sure. Cut me in so I can still live, but yeah. No, I get that. I understand that. Lily Tomlin doesn't need the money. No. Lily, if you're listening, you can have my spot. She's listening.

She is listening. You know, peel me off every month, but that's about that's about it peel you off that's another trucker thing yeah it is yeah you want to get peeled off only three ways ash ash ass grass we're getting peeled off those are the only ways you're getting around that's when you toot that horn while you flash the lights that's what that's right peel me all right for free i blew it i blew that joke it's okay it's okay thanks it's not the only thing you blew. I'm that trucker. I had to get to Poughkeepsie somehow. There it is.

I'm at the laugh oven in Poughkeepsie. The laugh oven? Yeah. It's been months. I'm not even doing stand-up anymore. I'm doing it Tuesday afternoon at Nunn Chuckles in Tallahasse months. I'm not even doing stand-up anymore. I'm doing a Tuesday afternoon at Nunn Chuckles in Tallahassee.

I'm doing a socially distanced rest stop bathroom in Poughkeepsie. Red Man's Backyard, where you paid people not to go. The Magic School Bus was your second pick. David, time for your second and third picks as it is as it is uh my second pick is i'm gonna take it to the sea she's nigh uncatchable i'm taking the black pearl oh damn it i read ah fuck crude crude by the damn baby crude by the damn my list is dwindling that didn't make my list. Oh, I had it on mine. I didn't even think about it.

That was my next pick, I think. That is legit, my friend. Good job. Because you got to go to the, you got to take it by all the space air lands. You know what I mean? Yeah. One if I land, two if I see you, dude. Exactly.

Exactly. I mean, what else to say? She's not uncatchable. The only ship that outran the Flying Dutchman. Well, and David, you've often been called a scallywag, so I think the Black Pearl is fitting. And don't you have, weren't you born with scurvy? What?

No, I'm kidding. I was born curvy. Curvy. No, I thought you were the scurvy boys back in the day. It was the curvy. No, no, that was one summer, and I don't like to talk about it. Sean, is this difficult for you? Because I know you've released several R&B albums under the name The Black Pearl.

I have, yeah, yeah. It's New John B. Yeah. It was kind of New Jack Swing. It was solo New Jack Swing. Yeah, one of them was called Dirty Laundry. One was called dirty laundry one was one was called loogie i'm not opening an r&b album called loogie i'm not doing that no i'm not doing that

no gross i can't even i can't even be a part of it there's nothing good on there no no no no no god no it's too freaky it's too it's it's that's freaky deaky it is absolutely deaky it's freaky it's so freaky and so deaky it'll steam up the outside of your car windows you know i'm talking about the whole world the whole world gets sweaty when i fuck oh that is so funny but also gross pretty gross yeah oh boy uh oh boise yeah the black pearl man that's a good pick thank you i i just it's like i want a fast pirate ship you know what i mean you don't have to explain the goddamn thing yeah yeah uh all right is it time for my next one yeah my next one i'm taking to the skies but just of earth just of earth or actually no i'm gonna save that my next pick i am going to take the batmobile from the dark knight oh the tumbler shit tumbler yeah yep yeah man come on i mean i pull up i pull up to i pull up to the function in a Tumblr.

Turtle Shell? I pull up in the Turtle Shell Tumblr? Big Turtle Shell vibes coming. Big Turtle Shell tings. Big tings. I pull up in the Turtle Shell Tumblr. What you going to do? No shirt on.

I'm not going to be the guy to tell you that that pattern is called Tortoise Shell. You'll find out on your own. No, no, no, now all right okay i changed it with the death star okay what is someone gonna say no yeah what are you gonna i can't okay i can't i can't come to the latin grammys i can't did you not see me i can't get into the latin grammys are you kidding? I have a cheetah in here. Check the guest list again. Yeah. Look up in the sky and check that guest list. Guess what?

I keep a sea turtle in here. We call it same-sex marriage. You're not going to let me? You're not going to let me into the Kids' Choice Awards, Nickelodeon? Oh, you're afraid I can't parallel park it? Watch this. And then you fucking. I just crashed into the building.

I mean, I just got it. Yeah. Yeah, man. The Tumblr is, that shit was cool as hell. When J Balvin goes up and thanks God when he wins his award, you're like, don't thank God. Pray to me. Also, I like that I can take it off road.

You know what I mean? Absolutely. Canaan's out jeeping out in the woods hey hey i'm in the tumbler yeah pull up on the tumbler don't take an ice fishing that thing's going to take it i well i don't know in lake michigan you see they take rvs on the ice sometimes that's true i feel like it could be the same size speaking of michigan go green bro spartans all day calm down i could drive up a fucking mountain with that thing. It's going everywhere. The Tumblr. That's my pick. Nice. Good call. Can I just go on BMXing and you pull up

in that thing. Oh, man. Same thing. Go out and go BMXing the trails. I'm not against it. I think that's fun. Maybe I have a couple beers to do. Watch an old horror movie. I like it. Yeah, the Tumblr.

That's what I got. Sean, time for your third pick. It's date night, y'all. Aladdin's magic carpet. Oh, nice. You could show her the world. I'll show her the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid man.

Anything the queen wants. Where you want to go? You want to see the pyramids of Giza or you want to see the Sioux Falls? I can go to two places. We can go in either order it's your night you know how fast is that thing seems pretty fast uh i mean but it but it doesn't seem because i was wondering if it seems dangerous doesn't seem dangerous i imagine i would get a little freaked out but i think the carpet since it does have a mind of its own it's got yeah it's a lot it's like if you fell off it's gonna like come get you doesn't match the drapes that's my question where are we going we're gonna go get the magic drapes girl we're taking the carpet

what do they does he show her the world in that i forget in aladdin do they go like he shows her a small part of the world i don't think it's like i don't yeah does paris exist in that time i don't know what time aladdin exists i think it existed i think that was like persia like when when was like the battle of thermopylae and stuff like that wasn't that around like that time your business yeah sorry i ask that all the time to strangers and i always get that i've been going out in public a lot to ask people that we're like i'll go into bars with my like mask off and i'm like take your mask off i need to ask you something you go to tiktok hype house parties and yeah they're like i could keep the mask on and i go take the fucking mask off i'm gonna ask you a question about thermopoly it's hard to it's hard

to hear with a mask on don't you know that bro you need to watch plandemic like some of my friends that it's a bummer anyway the magic carpet from aladdin now they could be a dope date night and i'm not using it for a ton of stuff since i have the other two vehicles on deck but it's my it's my getting around town sunday afternoon oh yeah yeah yeah that's the fun time whip and it's one of the only cars i can be like you take you take me somewhere you show where do you want to go i'm you? I don't need to know where we're going. I'm not driving. You're driving.

He wants to go to the track. He has a terrible gambling problem. Yeah. He was actually a race car driver, and then he got trapped in the carpet as a bet. You would definitely try to bone on that thing, right? Yeah, dude. Is it crazy to think he would assist in the boning? I don't think it is.

He'd ungele. No, he might make a little shelf one of those little like you know there's you put those little like um those little fuck pillow like a little foam like a little yeah like a little fuck pillow like a little foam i bet you he makes like almost like stirrups for leverage like so you know what i mean yeah and it's soft you didn't know that but the magic carp's oh i always thought it was soft yeah you know you can tell it's soft that's that's craftsmanship oh this isn't like uh this isn't like a tijuana market carpet this is like some fine one of these strays that tijuana's catching man yeah why are you i bought i'll tell you where it came from if you want it so i'll tell you where that i'll tell you where that joke that didn't

land came from when i was in tijuana with all the skate crew back in the day all the tough customers i bought i was like i gotta buy my mom something. And I found this like poncho, like rough, you know those rough ass blankets where you're like that, there's no way someone's using that for anything other than a complete necessity. So I bought my mom this blanket and I think Adam was

like, that's, dude, there's no way she's gonna, she'll tell you she likes that, but there's no way she's ever gonna anyway. So I bought this shitty like terrible material blanket from tijuana so that's where that came from tijuana back of my mind all right there you go all right how's it a little history about your boy very interesting to me loved it you think do you think aladdin and uh yes yeah they did for sure right yeah 100 that's bro that's why you do it she had a tiger she didn't yeah she was about that life yeah yeah that's true can't tell me that she wasn't

getting it i'm just saying i hope they kept my man dry cleaned and in the lifestyle to which he had become a customer absolutely yeah you gotta keep that thing clean you don't just take him outside and beat him with a broomstick is that that a Persian? No, no, no, but I keep it clean though. Yeah. That's a Persian rug. No, I just got what you said. Yeah,

no, no, no, I keep clean though. Tori, I'll tell you a little, I'll tell you some shit. So the big dog back in the day, you know,

that line from Friday, these, he goes, um, something about, uh, what do you think about my twenties or whatever? And he's like,

those ain't twenties. He's like, yeah, they tens, but I keep them clean. That's how it goes right yeah so tory thought that ice that my gaps went down by twos so he in tory's mind what happened was like check out these 20s and he was like those aren't 20s he's like no they're 18s he's like no those aren't 18s he goes well they're 16s no those aren't 16s well they're 14 so tori actually thought that and we're like dude are you insane that would that would be such an unnecessary part of that movie they would

have to do the bit five times to get to have him go down by twos and also i think of the audacity to tell someone that your rims are 20s when in fact they are 10s that's a big any fool big jump any fool who is worth their weight in sand or anything other that's not worth anything knows that's the joke though he says it immediately yeah he's like they tend but this is cool i keep cleaning i just like it all right it's like the funniest mike epps i think i love him so much he's so funny next friday's hilarious next friday's fantastic also hadn't seen any of his there was like a completely new character you know yeah none of that any of that which i kind of think i don't know man i smoky's funny but

over it yeah yeah especially because dayday has two movies and he's just like maybe it was the age i was when it came out but like man dade is hilarious cube and chris tucker i think are a funnier team than cube and mike epps i do think that but i think the character data is better than smoky she's got bootleg treats that haven't come out yet all the new sticks twinkie got a new cupcake coming out next month cream filling shoot all in your mouth and glitter? You don't know, Dede. Why you wear

a fat big jump top? It's so funny, man. It's so funny. She's ready to play. She's ready to film. She's ready to film. She's ready to film. Time for my third and fourth picks as it is a serpentine draft with my third pick i'm gonna take the nautilus from 20 000 leagues under the sea oh shit it's an old school luxurious ass submarine yeah here you go i'll tell you something we just had this conversation the other day yeah laura was

telling me that back in the day her brother thought 20 000 leagues under the sea meant that you were 20 000 leagues under the sea and up until about literally a week ago that's also what i thought i thought they were 20 000 leagues under the sea oh no it's about all the minor league baseball teams under sea yeah chattanooga Lookouts. Shout out to the Poughkeepsie Mudhands. Absolutely. The Durham Bulls, obviously.

The Long Island Ducks or whatever. The Chappahattic Quattahaggots. It's you travel 20,000 leagues. Yes, I thought it was you were down. I thought you were, here's the top of the sea you go down 20 000 leagues oh and there you are i don't think it's impossible because i don't think

you can even 20 000 leagues under the sea i don't think there's 20 000 feet under the sea let me sound insane am i crazy no how deep is the ocean i think i don't know how deep is the mariana trench i'm gonna look it up right now 20 000 feet is like what four miles roughly how long is a mile now i'm really putting myself out there 80 yeah so it's like 35 814 feet below sea level is the deepest point challenger deep in the mariana's trench so yeah 20 000 how long is a league it's longer than a foot isn't it so it's like thinking that you're 20 000 leagues anyway i just thought that was really funny of myself to think that up until a week ago as I am. I don't think that's

crazy to think. I don't think that's wild at all. All right, good. Mariana's trench is really deep. The marinara trench is where you want to find yourself. No, it's not. I've got myself belly up in the marinara trench outside of Fazoli's one time.

Never again, bro. Never again. belly up in the marinara trench outside of fazoli's one time never again bro never i owed i owed shane 50 bucks for like a year and he goes one more day and you're gonna be in the marinara trench as deep as it goes so i paid a league is three and a half miles basically oh yeah that's like saying you're 60 70 000 miles under the seat the sea. That's right. Deep, dude. Deep in there. Johnny Deep. That's going down. That's coming back out the other side.

It's the old timber. That's dank. What's your sub like, bro? Dude, the Nautilus is beautiful. Isn't it brass? Why do I think it's brass? I don't know what it's made out of. It is made out of something like that.

The Nautilus is described by Jules Verne, the author, as a masterpiece containing masterpieces. It is designed and commanded by Captain Nemo. Electricity provided by sodium and mercury batteries. It's double hold, so don't even think about fucking

with me. Two guns. Two guns, dude. Double hold. It has has a ramming power the people think it's a sea monster which is dope i feel like people are talking about my hog yeah it's got a ramming power sodium battery masterpiece within masterpieces it gets deeper much of the ship is decorated to standards of luxury that are unequaled in a sea-going vessel. These include a library It's kind of like that. A library containing 12,000

books, boxed collections of valuable ocean specimens, expensive paintings, and other works of art. It also has a lavish dining room and even an organ that Captain Nemo uses to entertain himself. Boxed collections. Who all lives down even an organ that Captain Nemo uses to entertain himself.

That's amazing. Boxed collections. Who all lives down there with him? Captain Nemo and his crew, man. So it's just... I was going to say... How many is the crew, though? I don't know.

Because it's got to be... You've got to have... I mean, you've got to have a librarian. You've got to have a couple chefs. I bet there's like 15 motherfuckers on that submarine. You think 15? Enough to have a party. Is it old school or do they got ladies?

I hope they have ladies. It's mine now, so I'm putting ladies on there. Yeah, make it. Everybody should be down there. And then what are you doing? You're just going to seek out the mysteries of the ocean? I'm just cruising in that thing. Living, man.

Living. Yeah. Staying out, getting off the grid a little bit. Yeah, Twitter don't work down there. Being a pescatarian just like fucking hanging out my submarine reading get some reading done yeah well you got 12 000 options bro so you know you want to get away from the from the world for a while just really go on vacation really disconnect i'm in my submarine man yeah i'm right now covid on the nautilus

that's where we should all be man zero cases yeah quarantine city down there yeah i just gotta come up for air every five days i can do that that was another r&b album that i put out when i was black pearl up for air coming up for air every five days yeah black pearl was out there charted dude clive davis i charted until clive came and ripped my dick don't get me started on fucking five days do not do it for god's sake i'm trying to fuck i'm poolside in palm springs thinking the last thing i gotta worry about is clive davis

next thing i know i feel a torque right on my hog dude what if clive wants to come down on your submarine no no no way dude no clive davis on my submarine fuck no eat shit dude how big is the nautilus slightly bigger than clive's so what's up not big enough for clive davis but slightly too big for clive davis if you can wrap your head around yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah i i get it yeah this nautilus is a little too small for the both of us clive davis what with me still having my unripped dick attached to my body that's right my shit's unripped i'm coming through unripped. Yeah. Nautilus from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

My next pick, my fourth pick, is going to be the Nimbus 2000 broomstick from Harry Potter. Good call. Handling that thing, dude. Did you let her in Quidditch? Yeah, let her in Quidditch. Yeah, I did Quidditch varsity at Carnegie Mellon. You were in varsity like a sophomore, right? A sophomore, yeah.

People were mad. He didn't even redshirt. True freshman. people were hating on me dude and my nimbus 2000 nimbus 2000 is a great pick catch me on that thing dude because it's like it's like around town yeah yeah that's your like that's your pull up like what's up may not ain't no thing is that new i wouldn't know that it's new to you but i've had it for a while i got sneakers like that that's such is that new to who and then you just walk away new to you probably you ain't never seen this i have this dork dork dork i was gonna put that on my list but i'm not familiar enough with the universe i would have i would have um didn't you just talk about taking a harry potter quiz pardon me i'm going to be taking that i just want i need i need a slight 2000 the nimbus 2001 is the one i'm taking

the most updated new shit the new shit i understand yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah one more platinum plaque and fuck nimbus you can have it back back? That's right. Exactly right. There might be somebody in this house who's a huge Harry Potter fan who sent me a text message when she overheard who didn't mince words, told me that I was an in no uncertain terms let me know I was an idiot for not taking the Nimbus 2001.

Ask her if Draco Malfoy got a sister, true or false? Dana, does Draco Malfoy have a sister. True or false? Dana, does Draco Malfoy have a sister? She says no. He do. Sean says he does. Sean is basing this off a game of trivia he played

yesterday. Tell her to look it up. I mean, if I'm wrong, if I'm wrong, a game of trivia he invented. Look up if Draco Malfoy had a sister. I bet I'm right. Anyway. It throws your whole quiz into question. The people participating in the quiz

could write the questions. There's a fandom theory. There's a fandom theory that he has a sister, but it's not in the books. All I heard was, Sean, you're right. So that's cool. We agree on it So that's cool. We agree. Sean was wrong.

No sister for the Malfoy. And that's why I couldn't pick that because I'm ignorant. He does have a name as 2001, and so do I. I'm on that thing. Cruisin', dude. Yeah, just going down Sunset. Yeah, going to Glendale.

Picking up some scoffs and then coming back to the crib you can rise above the traffic so it'd be a lot less stressful wouldn't that be fun that'd be fun if you could just go like 20 feet above the traffic you'd be like this is great what a beautiful city i wish i could rise above anything in glendale i yeah i did the shit in my car the attitude that i have is i get i upset myself because i'm like you it is christmas day i i remember thinking that i was like it is christmas day chill and i've been i work on it so much it's a bad it's a bad attitude there's no two ways about it yeah you gotta give it some latitude i'm latitude. I'm taking the fucking Nimbus 2001. I'm flying around on it. I'm in the bike lane

in Portland. People are mad. People are hating, but I'm in the bike lane. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Fourth pick, I want to have a little fun. I want something that I can just go mess around in, and I'm picking Koopa's Mario Kart from Mario Kart. Oh, hey, little bruiser.

Little bruiser. It's not a dune buggy, but like a little dune buggy-esque situation where I can just go get out in the salt flats and just go nuts. Blow off some steam, peel around some corners, throw some turtle shells out, maybe throw them at David. Throw some tortoise shells out.

Yeah, throw some tortoise shells at his punk ass. Couple banana peels for all the old doyles out there chasing me those things look like they can go fast how fast do you think a mario kart can go his could go a little slower but i bet you they go like 60 70 yeah yeah the so like i was always koopa in mario kart because they went the fastest koopa and toad i think went the fastest and king koopa was the fastest no that was that was bowser am i crazy oh bowser oh you're taking the koopa trooper little boy slim fella because that's who i always was in mario kart we used to play mario kart so much on uh super nintendo i'm sure everybody did but you played mario kart at the barrio mart right yeah yeah the bar yeah dude yeah i'd see david there a lot yeah i just think that's a little like blow off some steam uh take it out like i don't drive that

out i drive that out like i i tow that out and then i drive it when i get to where i'm going type thing you're in that thing fucking throwing banana peels at people like a marks brother i'm out there and then i get done i'm like life is good man it's all right chill out life's fun i get it go back to the city and keep living you gotta goof around every now and then yeah yeah goof a trooper you're the goof a trooper i'm gonna buy a bicycle today just based on that conversation oh dog do it hell yeah bike dude you absolutely should you should get a bike for sure speaking of shit we're gonna buy today there's a company called skate sauce they have a hat with a skateboard and a bottle of hot sauce riding the skateboard for real

cat sauce hats i'll order it right after we're done man i'm glad because i know you were looking to finish your wedding ensemble so i'm glad yeah yeah perfect that's it that's the whole thing that's it you got a kilt at the kembe matumbo uh philadelphia 76ers jersey and that hat so you're good to go i called an audible i got a lafonzo ellis jersey now oh you did okay i do have a lafonzo ellis jersey smith's gonna be pissed but yeah did you have one i do when did you get a Lafonso Ellis jersey? I've had it. I think I stole it from Smith. He gave it to me. Did you have an OG Lafonso Ellis jersey?

Back in Sioux Falls. That stuff might be worth something. I don't know. You should look into it. Am I insane? I want to say, let me see if I get the number right. Was he 11? You're asking me too much.

I don't have Lafonso Ellis. I know a team he played for the name is coming up yeah it was a nugget but i don't know yeah i got that and i got a bearcats jersey back home those are like the two jerseys i still got and i got an og blazer jersey that you gave me not og but like an official blazer yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah when they sent me too small that's in portland. I got a Festus Azealy Blazers jersey. He never played a minute for the team because he was hurt all year.

And then he left. Dude, that Dame jersey you gave me probably fits now but you can't have it back. So what's up? I'll come take it, dude. That was the whole point. Come on up and hang out with me.

You can hang out and then take it. I'll come take it, bro. I'll quarantine and then come take it. Yeah. It is on like Michelleelle kwan anyway david time for your fourth and then final picks as it is okay fourth pick is going to be i'm taking to the skies but of the earth right so i have i'm not like this isn't a spaceship another r&b album i'm saying all these names i'm taking wonder woman's invisible jet

yeah that was definitely because it's a jet that's invisible i mean what else yeah i don't really have much else to say about it we have to say yeah yeah it's invisible i pull up in my invisible jet you're not gonna you're not gonna let me into the golden globes after party if any hana please i'm in my please tell me how i can't call please in my invisible harrier jet You're not going to let me into the Golden Globes after party at Benihana? Please. I'm in my, please tell me how I can't come in my invisible Harrier jet. I found a place to park it. That's on me. I took care of that.

I'm sorry. I can't go to the NAACP Image Awards pre-planning meeting? Yeah. Sorry. In my jet? No? What? Okay.

I'm sorry. You're not going to let me into me into the sps after after party i'm not at the westminster dog show dry run dress rehearsal homie bro i'm not at the notre dame booster club dinner in my invisible jet that's ridiculous you can't see it but you're not gonna let me come to the the sons of anarchy relaunch party i can't come to that in my job if you want't see it, but you're not going to let me come to the Sons of Anarchy relaunch party. I can't come to that. If you want to give it a ticket, find it. I can't come into the green room at the NHL draft? That's what you mean to tell me?

Are you kidding me? Right now, you're not going to let me into the Cornhole National Championships. This is ESPN 6, dog. This jet is invisible. You're acting like in five minutes five minutes i'm not gonna be standing in the scripts national spelling bee antechamber uh-huh why are we even having this conversation you know where this is going you are not gonna let me come to the source awards promotional picnic are you kidding me?

Get out of here. Get out of here. You mean to tell me that you're not going to let me into the private room in the back of John and Vinny's that they reserved for the writers of the Kids' Choice Awards? You're telling me I can't take a seat at Christian Slater's fourth wedding? Please. I'm not invited to that what the fuck are you talking about on the wonder woman jet the fuck are you talking about look at the guest list again check it look at the guest list again run it again it's the g is silent look at the g yeah

christian's best friend dick you're being an asshole you're being a real bastard are you invisible on the jet because no that's not that's the wildest part that's the freshest part yeah so like people just look up and see david flying through with mesh shorts on and house shoes they see my whole fit they see my whole fit all they see is some some 12 and a half custom air Force Ones. Turtle shell. Yeah, turtle shell. In the invisible jet, tell me you're riding the beige wave so people look up and they see the beige wave. Oh, no, I look like another cloud.

They're like, is that a nimbus? Is that a cumulonimbus? Oh, no, no, nope. David's going grocery shopping. Yeah, dude. I thought it's about to rain. It's about to rain because he's wet. But I'm pulling a Gelson's i'm on top of gelson's they got a ladder just for me excellent pick and your final pick lightning round final pick i need something casual i need something for date night

and maybe this is weird because this is a much more literal vehicle i want to take uh kane's mustang 5.0 from menace to society that's that's where i was that's where i was wondering what we could do me too because i was like it's not like it's not like a it's a real vehicle that you but it's like very specific like i want that one yeah i think we can't that all right then my last pick has been changed so yeah tight yeah i'm taking case 5.0 it was amazing after he gets the the rims of course i mean it's green gray and gold you don't see that combination a lot when you do you know 5.0 with dayton's man that thing is come on when he's just like i had the dope ride but i was sitting on some bullshit he just steals rims from the process of stealing rims what they don't show

you and this is what i've always thought like he holds this dude at gunpoint but like they have to go somewhere you don't just take the rims off you have to take the tires off it's such a process getting rims off a car well that's why he got that's why he got the burger because he was like i'm gonna need to eat after this it's just so funny to think like he was with that man for hours at some at some shop probably where he got the mustang i don't think he took the guy to i think he got the burger with cheese kicked the guy out and then he went to took the whole. Yeah. Okay. All right. That other crime is kidnapped. It makes more sense.

Well, Cain did not give a rip about what crimes he was committing. My friend, he did at the end, a whole nother podcast. That's probably, that's closer to my dad's podcast than this. I think that is your dad's podcast. Menace to society.

Fan theory or not. I don't know. Fan is the word, but yeah, Cain's whip, the Mustang 5.0 drop top titties is out. I don't know if fan is the word. But yeah, Canes whip, the Mustang 5.0, drop top, titties is out. I love it. Beautiful. Sean, your final pick.

You know, I was going to change it to something more, but I'm going to keep it what it is. I want to spread the good vibes, so I'm going to take Santa's sleigh for my fifth pick. Good vibes spreading. Put everyone in a good mood. Bring cheer and joy to as many people as i can for at least a night i don't even know if i get to drive that thing other than that but

you know i get one dope night do you have the reindeer too like you got they're on salary gotta have the reindeer they're on salary yeah yeah can you guys name all eight reindeer no nine yeah dude and the king's english uh the mervin delonte ira uh i feel like there's a jerry jerry festus azili linda matterhorn and uh and and dr matterhorn yeah yeah that sounds that's yeah well wait there's one more and rudolph yeah and rudolph yeah man if there was a delante on delante and vixen it's dasher dancer comet blitzen blitzen vixen cupid donner donner and Blitzen. We did this the other day. It's so hard when you go out of order.

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen. Cupid and Comet and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recall the most famous motherfucker of all? Delonte was one of the reindeer. Nobody ever gave him props. He just hung out and did his job. He went and fucked LeBron James' mom. Whoa, whoa, now.

All right. Now we're treading in my dad's podcast water for sure. We have a very close dance line. Tading in my dad's podcast water for sure we have a very close my dad's podcast water that was your last r&b album that was the end of the that was the end of black frills santa's sleigh man you're you're basically drafting a job a hard that's what i was just thinking but i mean i'm not afraid to sign up for a hard day's work you know honest day's pay give it to me i'm fine i'm just saying you already have the magic carpet you kind of have this realm cover but i get it so it's cool it's all right i like the spread and the vibes yeah true i would i kind of threw myself into a little turmoil because i was going to change it but then i didn't change it so i stuck with the

slay that was going to be my my pick no matter what so all right that's what i stuck with all right yeah all right uh time for my final pick i'm gonna take james bond's aston martin there it is ask smart music machine guns smoke bombs like fucking guns kelly's everything machine gun kelly it's a dope car on its own that's what i like you don't know that it's got like if we go by the die another day rules it goes invisible it can be an invisible car i can drive it remotely and at the end of the day it's just an aston martin that i'm hanging out in also i think of you blasting drake and that feels good to me yeah i'm in there should have came back for you i just needed time you know what i mean i'm rolling down the window and i'm staring hard looking sad where are we going just hold on we're going home caught in the life that shit yeah

hell yeah started from the bottom not a whole fucking team here what are you that's not Aston Martin music shit I'll just I'll take off we're almost done right I'll just get out of here no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no we'll go yeah I'll just all right well all right let's separate probably need to sit in it that's the final pick today to recap david you went first you took the death star the black pearl the tumbler batmobile wonder woman's invisible jet and kane's mustang 5.0 from menace i stand behind it john man you went second you took the deloreanLorean, the Magic School Bus, Aladdin's Magic Carpet, Koopa's Mario Kart, and then Santa's sleigh, which is fictional, apparently.

Sorry to any children to listen, for God's sake. By the way, you need to use cycles to let your kids listen. Sorry if I just wrecked it for them, but we wrecked a lot before that if your kids are listening. Well, now they know the difference between a knob and a bead. Yeah, that was another R&B album, by the way. We wrecked a lot before that if your kids are listening. Now they know the difference between a knob and a bead. That was another R&B album, by the way. We wrecked a lot before that. Yeah.

I went last and I took Optimus Prime, the Millennium Falcon, the Nautilus from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the Nimbus 2001 from Harry Potter, and James Bond's Aston Martin. We left some good stuff on the board i was gonna pick dre's lowrider from uh let me ride that was gonna be my one like that's a real ass car and then the winnebago from space balls oh yeah that's who i was really i had the a-team van and then i had the starsky and hutch with the starsky and hutch that was a good one kit oh

kit from night rider i never watched that show though me neither but it seemed cool the red october the submarine yeah that damn i didn't even think about that yeah man the weasley car from uh harry potter was a foreign car yeah there's um bill and ted's phone booth oh yeah i was thinking about the hoverboard from... I was wondering if that would be a vehicle. Hoverboards don't work on water. Then you got another skateboard, you know? So that's like a problem for me. You want rollerblades.

Yeah. If they got hover rollerblades, I'm in. I also almost thought, I don't know if this can, but Falkor from The NeverEnding Story, kind of a vehicle. I think that counts. I think so. Kind of a friend. Yeah.

You can be friends with your vehicles. Marissa, did you have a pick? Yeah, I don't know if this counts, but I would really want to pilot a Gundam. Yeah, that counts for sure. Oh, yeah, that counts. Yeah, 100%. I remember back in the day,

I had an arcade playing a Gundam game where they had the different throttles to control it, and it just felt so cool to play as a big robot. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, a Gundam. Well, we got you a Gundam for Christmas! Yay! It's a terrible responsibility,

Maris. Great. Well, we want to hear not only Marissa's pick, but yours as well. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the Patreon. Thank you so much for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to everyone on the patreon thank you so much for holding us down uh shout out to everyone the cameo who reached out that was really fun david and sean you guys should get on there record some cameos for the people

what else shout out to st sue carmel got a couple here shout out to chandler from david congrats on the engagement shout out to josh from your sister b i want to say ilder i think i'll know who it is yosh shout out to yosh bro shout out to rj and tyler on their new engagement and uh you know obviously nashville you're in our prayers uh that unfortunate situation so uh yeah what happened in nashville the explosion oh shit yeah yeah yeah um shout out to nashville thinking about y'all and uh yeah the hot chicken the hot chicken dude yeah the nash, yeah. Shout out to Nashville. Thinking about y'all. And, yeah. The hot chicken. The hot chicken, dude. Yeah.

The Nashville hot chicken. Shout out to all that. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shikrakity! that was a hate gun podcast