All Fantasy Everything - Foods for Competitive Eating (w/ Amy Silverberg)

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

What food could you eat a metric shit ton of?Guest:Amy Silverberg (X @amysilverberg, IG @amysilverberg)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting foods for competitive eating. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with us today is a very special guest, stand-up comedian, author, wonderful person, Amy Silverberg. I'm joined, as always, by my friends, the stand-up comedian, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that has been abandoned by Isaac.

It feels weird, doesn't it? Go look at a house in my neighborhood. Amy, you can talk whenever. You don't have to wait for us to introduce you. We're all the way live. Oh, okay. I'm waiting. Do it live. All right. Wow, I'm so happy to be here. Once again, we have

people all over the place. Amy is in Columbus, Ohio right now. Beautiful Columbus, Ohio. Trying out for the Buckeye football team. Of course. Laying some people out, throwing on the neck roll. Getting those little stickers on your helmet every time you get a sack lunch.

The little Buckeye stickers. Mm-hmm. You always see somebody with like two and you're like, oh. Yeah. and you're like, oh. Yeah. I'm wearing a Chicago Cubs cap and people keep talking to me about the, you know, I think they have a lot of opinions on Chicago sports.

Yeah. But I'm wearing the cap just because it was a cap I found in a youth size and I have a small head. So every time people talk to me about it, I'm just like, I have no idea what you're talking about. You know, yeah, I agree. I agree. That's what I say.

That's a conversation I can get in on. Fucking I don't give a shit, man. Leave me alone. It's always on planes and shit like that. And they're like diamondbacks. And I'm like, I just like purple, man. I used to have tons of TC hats, like Twin Cities

hats, and I was bartending and we wore it because our skate gang is the tough customers. I'm going to tell that to another grown-up. They'd come up, and they'd talk to me about the twins, and I'm like, Actually, it's a gang. It's a skate gang, dude. Here's your adios, motherfucker.

You can just see my tips flying out the window, though. They'd talk about someone. I'm like, I don't even like baseball, man. Trying to get into Kent Herbeck, and you got nothing for him? Chuck Knobloch, dude. Joe Maurer? I can name some of the old ones. Joe Maurer power? Kirby Puckett. When I was at the O'Hare airport, men were

talking to me with such thick accents and I was like, I can't even understand what you're saying. I mean, I understand what all of you are saying, but you were inviting this discourse by wearing that hat. In O'Hare of all places, you know. I get it. I know. this discourse by wearing that in O'Hare of all places. You know, I get it.

I know you got to Greek that thing in O'Hare. Well, that's this is where I bought it in Chicago. So I was all excited to wear my hat. You know, did you guys know that there's like a guy named Pete Crow Armstrong on the Chicago Cubs who his mom is the lady from Rookie of the Year, the movie about the Chicago Cubs. Funky butt-lovin'. Really? Yeah. Oh, funky butt-lovin'. He's the kid from Rookie of the Year's mom is his mom,

and now he's on the Cubs. Wow, what a life she's led. And you tell me there's no God, okay? Come on. I didn't say that. You say it all the time off air. I didn't say that. Ian just texts me sometimes when I'm at my worst,

and he'll be like, there's no God. And there's no God, by the way. So there's no one to blame this on or to ask for divine... Intervention. Providence? Intervention? Providence is the right word. Intervention.

Dark start to the morning, y'all. Yeah, it's a dark start to the morning. It's 10 a.m., and there is no God. You're listening to All Fantasy Everything. One o'clock here in Tampa, and there's dark start to the morning. It's 10 a.m. and there is no God. You're listening to All Fantasy Everything. One o'clock here in Tampa and there's gators everywhere, baby. Sean is still in Tampa. You're going to, are you going to go see gators today or what? What's the story?

That's the goal. I'm either doing that or I'm going to the Gulf. It depends on how much Kyle wants to be involved. You're going to go to the Gulf of Mexico? What was the other option? Going to the Gulf? Like the Gulf of Mexico. It's like, it's like 40 minutes, but I've never been. I thought you were about to try the Gulf? Like the Gulf of Mexico. It's like 40 minutes,

but I've never been. I thought you were about to try to tell her what the Gulf of Mexico is. It's like it's not the ocean. It's like the Atlantic Ocean goes and touches up Mexico. It's why it takes longer to walk to Texas from Florida. Like I have any idea what the Gulf of Mexico really is.

The Gulf of Mexico. It takes longer to walk to Texas from Florida because of it. Have you guys ever drafted bodies of water? I don't think we have. I don't think we have. No. Hard left turn. I'm actually, I'm going to the Gulf of Mexico.

It's a sports bar right across the street. Bro, there's got to be a Gulf of Mexico golf store where those students in Tampa go get their polo shirts. There's this place across the street called Tampa. There's nothing to be a Gulf of Mexico golf store where those Tampa go get their polo shirts. There's this place across the street called Tampa. There's nothing around here. There's one place called Tampa Joe's and it's like a sports bar. We've been eating lunch there every day.

And Kyle today is like, I don't want to go to Tampa Joe's again. Yeah, I bet you don't. If you want to wait till three, I'll go somewhere with you. Is it standard sports bar food or are you getting like Florida era sports bar food? Really good getting like florida era sports bar food really good i got fritters and shit no i got like a cuban sandwich the size of a briefcase the other day i mean it's great but he's you know he's vegetarian so he's not you know different

experience yeah right i i love the food in florida i've always had great food in florida i think florida's kind of underrated and gets's kind of underrated and catches a lot of heat. I mean, it catches a lot of heat it deserves, but it's underrated for sure. Totally is. I've really been thinking about that. Everybody's hot. It's beautiful. It's like, I get it.

It's crazy. But so is Milwaukee. That's what I'm saying. Cities are cities. I'd maybe throw a little water on the everybody's hot thing yeah yeah yeah maybe you're meeting

but the bar is very hot have you been to like in Miami oh yeah I've been to Miami or just South Florida it's just like people are pretty I mean okay if we're gonna I'm sorry Sean but we're gonna take South Dakota over versus Florida? Who's hotter?

Yeah, you're going to see a lot of hotter people in Miami. The weather matters. I've even seen it in Orlando. We saw two groups of... So two guys running at two guys all with their shirts off and they all high-fived each other.

And they were like, keep it going, bro. Just run it out. Kyle and I were doing the river walk it was like 96 degrees and these dudes are just so shredded so perfect looking it was it was interesting you know where i've never seen that portland just because he ended that mouth open thing for all the listeners he did that mouth half open like no excuse me well i have but that's because i live there so there's a higher you know what i mean i would have been in more scenarios where i saw shirtless dudes high-fiving i used to run shirtless you don't you don't see that as a tourist that's no no we hide that away that's in the suburbs dude

i don't know why i did when i was i don't know why I'm just yelling. The top of my game, I would sometimes take my shirt off and wrap it around my head. And I felt so stupid, but I was like, I looked okay. Around your head was the move. When was that? When you were at the top of your game. Running wise, it was like. That sounded mean the way I said it. That did sound so mean.

I was just genuinely curious. And there was a time. It must have been decades ago. Trying to picture you now. I was just curious. What are you talking about? Clinton's era? Are we talking five years ago, ten years ago? This is 96.

Running wise is probably 15 years ago. You know, I downloaded an app called Couch to 5K. Are you guys familiar with this app? My wife uses it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and I was on couch for a really long

time and it like trains you how to run a 5k little bit and at first you feel like such an idiot because it has you running for 30 seconds at a time and then like walking for 30 seconds at a time but it's crazy because you do get to um anyway i got to 5k but i never ran a 5k and now i'm no longer doing it so i guess hard jury's still out if it helped me. You know, you got there. That's all that matters. You should have a t-shirt made for your own personal 5K. Just the Amy Silverberg 5K.

And then you can pick whatever. I could run a 5K. I'm not going to, but I could. A wiener dog and four Nikes and on the t-shirt. And then you're good to go. Yeah. It's wild what you can do if you do a little at a time is what I'm saying. Well, yeah, there's, I had a, it was called Hal Higdon,

this training program, but it had you running up to train to a half marathon. And one day, two days before the half marathon, I had me running 12 miles and I was like, this is stupid. Why don't I just do the extra 1.2 miles now? I didn't, but it's like that, you know, so the training programs, they do work. It's kind of interesting. And then the half marathon wasn't a problem. I ran 13.2 or whatever. You did the half marathon? Yeah. I passed a girl that I sent, I've told you, I passed

a girl I sent a dozen roses to the last day of high school and she never called me. I passed her running the half marathon. It was one of those where I was jogging. I was like, you could have had all this shirt around my head I have a question about that

did you include a note in the flowers yeah I had to I can't remember what it said it probably

it would be funny if she didn't even know kind of like why she got them, maybe even who they were from. She knew. I guarantee she knew. And I was, like, I was, I don't know, like, sappy like that.

So I probably was, like, romanticizing. You're romantic. You're not sappy. Yeah, romantic. I think that's nice. It was like a can't hardly wait thing where I was like, oh, this will be the, you know she'll you know but worked out perfectly i couldn't i couldn't love my wife any more than i do my current wife i could not love her any more than i do so

grand romantic gestures from teen boys always work out yeah i fucking this wasn't even a grand this just speaks to the to the male child mind i had a crush on this girl in either second or third grade i can't remember which but i had a crush on her i was terrified i had no idea how to express it i hit a rubber snake on her desk i thought when she discovered it and she was like haha what a prank and was like, twas me who laid the fire. That's so funny. You're just doing like. It's like old timey.

Like after she discovered it, you were going to be like, would you like to get scrap metal for the war effort together? My parents are in the bread line. We'll stop and get their nickels from them. A jape. You thought the prank would get their nickels from them. A jape. You thought the prank would get her. I thought she was a jape girl. I didn't know. I didn't know. I thought maybe she liked japes.

Wasn't the case. What happened? Nothing. Oh. She was like, did somebody put a, it was just, she opened it. It was like, did somebody put a rubber snake in my desk? And I was like, yeah, that's me. Yeah.

And then they gave me my rubber snake back. And the I was like, yeah, that's me. Yeah. And then they gave me my rubber snake back and the teacher was like, don't do that anymore. Yes. I think that was the end. I had a crush on a guy in seventh grade, Kurt Anderson. I don't know why I'm saying his full name because we do follow each other online. Kurt Anderson, you had a crush on a grown up mechanic when you were in seventh grade? And he played in a Blink-182 and Weezer cover band and he was a type 1 diabetic

and I'm a type 1 diabetic and we're very rare so I was like we are meant to be you know and I'd be like how's your blood sugar and then of course

he was in love with my friend and I would just stare at him longingly man did you did him and your friend ever hook up yeah you know

she was a religious girl who was like queen of the handjobs. Like she was waiting till, she was like evangelical Christian waiting until marriage. But she was giving handjobs at every turn. They all work. All right. They all work. You have more than you think, brother. All the religious girls, yeah.

You should have tried hiding a snake in his desk. Yeah, and an insulin pen. I was like, here. An insulin pen. Just some blood on it. I took a box of chocolates to this girl in my taekwondo class, and I brought them in, and I was going to give them to her, and I tripped and fell, and they went all over the floor.

And this dude, George, Mr mr george helped me pick them all up mr george ended up dating her for a while so yeah oh wait wait how old was she she was maybe and how old was mr george yeah george was probably 14 jenny was 14 i was think i was 11 so i was i was aiming oh you were you were aiming high okay yeah damn you were aiming high. Okay. Damn. You said mister, and that sort of led us to believe. I was worried. I was really, really worried. I brought chocolate.

I just want to just sort of highlight the sentence, I brought chocolates to a girl in my taekwondo class. And just sort of let that combination of words sit with everybody for a second. I did karate when I was little with my dad, who's like impossibly anxious. And he became convinced that the karate instructor might be a pedophile, which he had no reason to believe that. But like the guy didn't have kids and he taught karate. And my dad was always like, do not be alone with him. Do not be alone with Instructor Bill.

Instructor Bill? Were you guys in the same karate you weren't in the same class yeah like it was a father daughter karate class or like a father child karate class yeah and then my dad would be like do not be alone with bill and i'm like you're here like do you think bill's gonna molest me while you're in the bathroom and also but if you were alone with bill he would be impervious to your moves because he's the one who taught them to you yeah so you couldn't even fight him off exactly just so funny that poor bill's just like trying to teach kids karate and my dad's accusing him for no reason of being up to no good yeah he just has a love of physical fitness and self-defense yeah why else

would someone engage with their community? The man who tripped into his taekwondo class with chocolates is named Sean Jordan. Sean has Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. Sean's the road right now as this drops. There he is. This comes out on the 20th, so we got a show tonight

in Detroit, Rock City. Yes, sir. Tomorrow in Chicago. Hopefully by now that late show, you can't get tickets to anymore. But if there are still a couple remaining, then I would go check it out. I'd go check it out. I'd go take a look. We'll be at the Den.

Yeah. And then Saturday, two days from now, we'll be at the Parkway Theater in Minneapolis, closing out the tour. Ice in our kidneys, baby. I can't wait. It's going to. I'm not. I don't know. I'm not worried about that.

I'm more worried about the food situation. You should. If it wasn't so embarrassing, I'd show you how many little microwave pizzas I've had in the last four days from the Hotel of Commissary. I've had like 14. I mean, that's crazy. Probably. They come in little two-packs. 14 pizzas? At least 10. At least 10 mini pizzas

since Wednesday. That might be your food competition that you can eat the most food of. You know, it's always what you think you can eat the most of that you could beat other people. Might be on the list. Am I wrong to bring up our topic right now?

Not at all. No, it's nice to season it in there. David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Not on Twitter. David, where can people see you? You said the Instagram. Patreon.com backslash David Borey. I'll be dropping my special there. Watch

Exploding Kittens in July on Netflix. That's it. Perfect. Amy Silverberg is here. Our wonderful guest. Add Amy Silverberg on Twitter. Add Amy Silverberg on Instagram as well. Mm-hmm. A cross platform.

I'll be in Florida in Orlando when this drops. June 20th, you said? Mm-hmm. And then St. Petersburg the next day and a few days after that, too. Phenomenal. Anything else you want people to engage?

Author as well? I have a book coming out. Yeah, I mean, it's still a little ways away, but look for that. It's called First Time, Long Time, and it's taken me a long time to write, and everyone's mad at me at how, it's still a little ways away, but look for that. It's called First Time, Long Time. And it's taken me a long time to write and everyone's bad at me at how long it's taken. Everyone by like people, you mean like your agent and people at your publisher? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, they give me a deadline. I miss it by like eight months. But if they're listening to this, I'm working hard. I'm working hard. Hold up in a hotel room in Columbus, two typewriters at the same time. Yes, exactly.

Uh, go check out Amy on the road. Check out Amy's book when it comes out. Uh, my name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Instagram, tech talk, YouTube, all those places.

Fuck with me. By the time this has come out, this is the first, Oh no, the second one. But T-Shirt Swim Club, my book. Oh, those are my notes. My book is out right now. T-Shirt Swim Club, Stories from Being Fat in a World of Thin People by me and my little sister, Dr. Aliza Carmel.

Quotes from Roxane Gay and Shea Serrano, Seth Meyers. I don't know why I'm showing the camera. James Corden, Dr. Jennifer Harriger on the back. People are loving it. I hope you're reading it and loving it. And I would also like to call people's attention to these two books I found. I was going to ask you.

Those are real. These are real. That's real. You wrote those? No. Your pen name is your name? I write books under Ian Carmel. I nom de plume Ian Carmel.

I don't want anyone to know it's me. These are AI. I went on Amazon. I forget who called my attention to these, but shout out to you. On Amazon.com, if you type my name in or even T-shirt swim club, now there are like these,'s doing it ai generated books that is that's that shit crazy to me it's crazy and there's weird so like people can't see the covers because they're listening we can cut it out i think i think this is a good cut out or whatever

i i look like i sell real estate in wisconsin but it's like, it's definitely like there's some part of me in that picture. That's such a specific man's face. I can't even quite describe it. It's like shiny and red. And he sits in his car for one extra hour before he goes inside. Absolutely. To see the rest of his family. Might be a youth pastor pastor but definitely like involved might be a pastor but might also be a gambling addict yeah yeah yeah if you get him a little sweatier might be both either a great father or a horrible father yeah it's the inside of it like the content of the book is crazy too because it's definitely written by ai and a lot of the stuff is right and then a lot of the stuff is almost right.

Like it knows I grew up in Portland, but it says I went to Lewis and Clark college, which I didn't. I went to Portland state, but my dad did go to Lewis and Clark. So like whatever it's scraping the internet, my dad's name is Ivan. So it's one letter off.

And they're like, Ivan Carmel, Lewis and Clark, put that in the book. Kind of said it's it says I have a Mark Twain award for comedy and a son how much was it $20 man that that is crazy you read the whole thing well I skimmed it I was gonna just I haven't read a book in so long and you're reading fake books about yourself it's an easy read it's an easy read. It's an easy,

I mean, it's, it could not be an easier read. Dude, look at this font. This is like, I'm trying, like,

right. Like Stuart Little. The teacher said it needs to be 11 pages font. I remember that. I also want to say shout out to Rotsan Gay, who just took me to a Sparks game. Nice. And we sat in a box and it was very cool. And then

the entire time I thought Caitlin, what's the basketball player's name? Caitlin Clark. I thought she was on the Sparks game. Yes, I went to the Caitlin Clark game with Roxy and Gay. And the entire time I thought I was watching Caitlin Clark on the Sparks and then someone was like, no, she's on the other team. I was just

watching the wrong tall woman. Yeah, you were watching Derricka Hamby. Or Cameron Brinkman. Yeah, and that was,, no, she's on the other team. I was just watching the wrong tall woman. Yeah, you were watching Derricka Hamby. Or Cameron Brinkman. Yeah, and that was, you know, that was humiliating, that part. There's a very funny tweet about Cameron Brink. She's like

the rookie on the LA Sparks, the super tall blonde woman where it's like the Cameron Diaz factory made a kevin durant and that's really really funny she's so good and caitlin that was like caitlin clark's best game of the season too right didn't they beat the sparks and she had some like crazy threes they did but very close and i of course was like um trying to make people bet me you know know, I'm a real gambler.

And then it turned out I thought she was on the wrong team. So I'm glad no one took me on any bets. Awesome. I was like, it's yeah. And then no one was correcting me either. I was like, ah, it's so great to like see her play. Like I love the sparks and everyone was like, okay. Just kind of nodding like they're like, surely she knows.

Yeah. Just nodding along. Yeah. Caitlin Clark is on the fever. She must know. She just put $6,000 on it. Yeah. And Amy's watching the game. Yeah.

She's sitting here. She can see Clark. We're in a box. She can see the name Clark on the back of the Jersey. We're not that far away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Going to see a W going to see Caitlinaitlin clark playing a wnba game with roxanne gay has to like unlock some higher level of feminism i feel like oh yeah and we were in one of those boxes with the food that was coming i could like that was why i couldn't concentrate on the game because i was doing my private eating competition with myself i love a box oh excellent segue by the way because we are here today not only to talk about caitlin clark private eating competition with myself. I love a box. Excellent segue, by the way, because we are here today, not only to talk about Caitlin Clark and Cameron Brink, but also to fantasy draft competitive foods.

These are foods that we think we would do the best in a competitive eating contest of this food. Yeah. Boy, I was having a tough time saying that earlier. I think we laid it out pretty good here. So that's what we're drafting. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through, well, first of all, Amy, this was your idea for a topic. What was the fantastic idea, by the way? What was the impetus behind it? the audience, they can't see me, obviously. And I am one of those maybe annoying small women who insist she can eat more than like people much taller. And there are some foods that I will say when I'm around, people are impressed by how much I can put away. I was looking at some of the records for these foods and, you know, a lot of some of the, a lot of the records are held by

women. And like, and when you look them up, they're not, it's not, you know, a lot of some of the a lot of the records are held by women. And like and when you look them up, they're not it's not, you know, I think it's the stereotype of the competitive eater is the big, gigantic person whose stomach must be just like genealogically larger than everyone else. I don't think that's true. I agree with you. I think it's a skill. I also I, of course, have my own theories about this, but I feel you have to eat very fast before it kind of sinks in how full you are. And of course you have to have,

as Ian, I'm sure is an expert on this, you have to have a kind of deep pit of longing inside you that won't be filled as you're stuffing yourself. Absolutely. I was going to say, I've been on the back end of it and let people down yeah dude people are like i saved three steaks for you and you're like i heard a friend my friend ej was like regularly upset about it like we used to have barbecues

together all the time he'd be like one day he was like you're kind of like a faulty fat dude and i was like you gotta relax that's like when you go to all you can eat korean barbecue or something like that and there's one person who's not holding up their end yeah and it's like you're not eating enough like we're not able to get a new meat until you finish your portion of this meat I'm really into the cabbage go home we came here for bulgogi I always feel like

the tall guy who doesn't play basketball when I don't eat enough like that yeah yeah yeah sorry man I'm just really into the cello and then people they're always saying something sort of like vaguely insulting to me where they're like wow you eat a lot like something like that really packing it in there amy yeah yeah yeah they're like whoa well let's get into what food we think

we can't eat a lot of the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David wins an unnatural victory. A paper against two scissors. David, as the winner of rock, paper,

scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, this is a serpentine draft. And what is that? It's a great question. Brother, I'm glad you asked. It's like if you're lacing up your shoelaces, you know, when you're doing it, you just

lace left to right, but you go up a little bit each time. So you start on the bottom right, you go over to the left. This is like a run DMC lace, so they're straight across. So you go right to left, and then you go up an eyelet, and then you go left to left and then you go up an eyelet and then you go left to right. Then you go up an eyelet. Then you go right to left, up an eyelet, left to right.

And then you want to tie the little laces and knots and tuck them down into your shoes. So you don't have the bunny ears because that looks insane. So there you go. Just like that. That's what it is. Essentially, if you pick fourth, I said essentially instead of basically. Basically, if you pick fourth in I said essentially instead of basically. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. Sure, if you want to say it like that. David, with that in mind, what would the order of today's competitive food draft be? I want to go first. David's going first. I would like Amy to go second. Amy's going second.

Sean to go third. Ian to go first. Back on the hot corner. Yeah, he got taken off yesterday. David, you have the first pick in the foods we think we could do well in a competitive eating contest draft. But we're going to get to that first pick right after this short break.

This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man,

wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. It might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days. And you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it

accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box, and it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel.

If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing. Just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley. All right. You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one. Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want?

Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you, and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that

you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try word-for-word studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond. They prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, on, that's a no brainer right there.

So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com

slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy, everything. The only podcast that has ever existed. We are drafting competitive eating foods. David Borey, you're on the clock. Uh, street tacos. Ah, yo. Okay. It was my first. It was the first. It's like we have this place. Shout out to Los Carbonsitos in Denver. I'm not asking for some type of a sponsorship. But I put a lot of people on. Call me.

I just can like street. I could just fuck them up so many. I don't even need salsa. Really. If I could just do like a squirt of lime i kill i i could i could take them down we're talking those just one tortilla though not the second one yeah talk us through what what do you think you're doing best like topic topping wise like what meat are we saying here okay are you eating a little radish in between is there them. Is there cheese on there? No cheese, but I could do cheese. I'm

saying because if I want to do a lot, I'm saying I could do I think like a carnitas. I could kill. Just murder. Also the chorizos. Oh, that chorizo's so fatty though. I'm feeling like that's sitting heavy.

Well, you know what I'll do every now and again if I'm going crazy. I'll get some cabezas. Oh, I think that's the heavy. Well, you know what I'll do every now and again if I'm going crazy? I'll get some cabeza. Oh, I think that's the one. I don't know what that is. Cabeza I could do a lot. Is it the brain? No, it's like the head meat.

It's just like the meat in the head. For a second there, I was like, you can go get brain tacos. You probably could get brain tacos. Also do lengua really any meat i think the only one i would want to stay away from would be the barbacoa or the carne asada yeah i think carne this is the move if you're trying to just power it down how much salsa are you putting on it how spicy are you going i just minimal salt because we're going for numbers right

we're trying to put numbers on the board so maybe just like a splash of the green you know what i've been doing just just to wet it up because i would like i would roll it up like a doobie every one and i would just cram yeah like a little like poor roll cram you gotta have the big pitcher full of the salsa verde and you gotta be dipping them in like the hot dog contest smart i think i want to break it down move by move like when you hear kobayashi talk about how he eats hot dogs and he's just like he broke it down into like however many parts and then he practiced each part you know what i mean and then and then he put it all together that's how i would cram street i just but like it's like they're the perfect I never you never feel

like you get that full off of them I eat them standing up a lot yeah and you do feel afterwards where I think the perfect competition food is where you go I can eat a hundred of these exactly and that's how I always feel and then you go out to dinner with people and you have to look around and be like well how many are you ordering Because I don't want to order like 50 times as much as you. Yeah, right. You order nine and then everyone's like two. Yeah, exactly. And then you're like, what the fuck, dude?

It happened to me just the other night. We went inside to eat where they have a very delicious agua fresca at Los Carboncitos. And my lady friend got like a taco plate with three. And I was like, I need six. Yeah. Put your hands in the steeple. I hate to do you like this, but I need six. And then you turn and you go, maybe you can have a bite and you finish yours.

And then in my mind, I'm like, you're not having a bite. Yeah. I actually turned and I was like, can I have some of your beans and put them? Yeah. Now, turned and I was like, can I have some of your beans and put them? Yeah. Now I have a question. So with a lot of these, are we are we going by weight or by per street taco? So like street tacos, I assume you go by per taco. OK, it depends on the food, certain food by gallon. You know, I spent a lot of time on the on the major League Eating website looking up records before this. So first of all, how many ago, though?

That was what you were going to do. Don't put that on AFB. That was just what you were going to do on Friday night. Just perusing it in case I ever land on Jeopardy. How many street tacos do you think you're capable of? And then I'll tell you what the record is. What's the time limit? What's the time limit? What's the time limit?

The limit for this one, eight minutes. The record was set in 2017. Eight minutes. I was thinking hours or at least one hour. That's me too. I was thinking a minute or something. I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

You tell me what you're capable of in an hour and I'll tell you what the eight minute record is. I think the eight minute. I think I could do i think i could do 13 nice i think i could do 20 in eight minutes i do 23 tacos a minute see i kind of think like in an hour i think for me that what i'm capable of in eight minutes and what i'm capable of in an hour are not that different. Really? I don't know. I mean, as far as like storage. Because I'm thinking of like, I can do two a minute for the first few minutes. Yeah, for sure.

That's yeah. When you break it down like that, maybe I was, you know what I mean? Probably three a minute. Yeah. Maybe, maybe 15. I gotta say. So yeah, I think, I think, I think 13, 14 is probably. I think I'm feeling like I'm hitting that 15 taco limit in eight minutes or in an hour.

Like, I think either way I'm hitting the red light around that same. I don't believe that street tacos are my, are the one I can do the best at. I think I could only do like 12. Are you ready for the, what the rec, are you ready for the record is 12 is like that.

See, like all these numbers sound pretty good, right? The record is 126. What's see like all these numbers sound pretty good right the record is 126 what the fuck joey chestnut joey chestnut man i owe that guy money for a horse he does everything i didn't know he got into tacos he's like an artist and he paints in any medium wow the dude is like a multi-sport athlete out here eating 126 street tacos. Taco stretch.

And that's a three inch tortilla. That's like a boa constrictor. You just open your throat. I can't do that. Just let it fall down. That's like girls who are really into giving blowjobs. And they're like, you just open your throat. Well, let's not shame an entire community.

Yeah, that is all right. You're right. And no, and more power to them. I'm not opening my throat. If anything, we're celebrating both. We're celebrating both. I think we're celebrating both. We're celebrating both. I think we're celebrating both communities here. Yes, yes.

That's what MajorLeagueEating.com says. 126 tacos in eight minutes. He did it on your birthday, David. Cinco de Mayo 2017. Really? Yeah. Makes sense. I don't know what second is.

That's the thing, though. Sometimes it's maybe- Second is 103. I found the- First loser is what second is. That's the thing, though. Sometimes it's maybe... Second is 103. I found the... First loser is what second is. That's a big goal. I found the video. Should next thing tomorrow

we all go to that taco place and see who can win? Yes. I mean, yeah. Easy sell. I don't want to be punked out on my birthday. We'll do it the day after,

May 6th. Dude, okay. i'm looking at how these guys are doing it it's great they're just scooping the taco they're they're not even picking it up daintily they're scooping the taco cramming taking a sip of water yeah so they're doing multiples per minute i was my whole my whole technique was way off you're chewing you were still trying to taste that That's your first mistake. Yeah. This guy, he's just like, he grabs, rolls it in his hand, and then he goes.

Like a cartoon. The only thing you're supposed to taste during these contests is your father's bitter disappointment in your choice of career. They're also drinking some kind of a blue liquid, which I wonder is Powerade. That feels nuts. To keep you hydrated, keep your electrolytes up. Because you're having so much salt. All their liquid looks like sports drink. I don't know. But so apparently I

suck, but I do feel like I could fuck up a lot of those tacos. But like amongst the civilian, you know what I mean? That's what I'm saying. I'm not bringing in a ringer. Competitive eating at this point is like the NBA. Like they're so far and away. It's like inviting them to pick up games is a bummer.

I'm saying who, I want this park taco run. Yeah. Who's hooping in the park eating tacos? I wonder what they eat before. Because I always say I do something called snake meal, which is where I eat one big meal in the middle of the day, like a snake. And then I feel I can eat so much because I'm, I'm, I've waited all day to eat and I like it around like 4 PM. And I'm just like, if you're gonna enter a contest is, are they eating like just a little bit of oatmeal that morning? Are they, you know what I'm saying?

I bet they haven't dialed down because you want to expand the stomach, right? Do you have like a big meal the day before? Yeah, I don't think they go in fasting. I think they go in with like a little, I go in fasting, but I'm not a, I'm not a pro. We're not Joey Chestnut. But every time I eat, if I haven't eaten in a long time, every time I eat, I never eat as much as I think I'm going to. Because you get full so fast. No, I'm always like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need like those big, you need to eat a lot of rice, I feel I'm going to. Because you get full so fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You need like those big, you need to eat a lot of rice, I feel like. Stuff that expands, you know? Push that stomach out there. Rice puts me down, though. Yeah, but you do it the day before. Then you go down and you wake up hungry. Okay. Amy, it is time for your first pick.

All right. My kind of overall category that I believe I can eat the most of is Asian appetizers. So some sort of dumpling. That's too big. You can't. Okay, but you gotta focus it. I'm giving you a very specific one. The Vietnamese lumpia.

Yes! Which are the like kind of skinny egg rolls. Okay. They're like skinny fried egg rolls. I believe that I could eat more than anybody else. Anybody on the planet. I'm willing to go lumpia to lumpia with you. Now,

is this, is this a weird question? What's the difference between Vietnamese lumpia and Filipino lumpia? I've only ever had the Filipino lumpia. Maybe no difference. Okay. I just know they're at Vietnamese restaurants and they're at Filipino restaurants

and I just like a skinny egg roll. Right. Now are you, if you're eating them, what's your strategy? Are you just like popping them? Yeah, yeah. And I feel the same way about potstickers too where you dip it in that like kind of

vinegary, salty sauce. And then I just feel that I can eat so many that I don't even realize how many I've eaten till you like look down. Yeah. I have an Asian appetizer on my list. I do too. Are they the best at appetizers?

I think so. I think I confidently say that. Yeah. That they're best at appetizers? I think so. I think I confidently say that. Yeah. That they're the best appetizers? If we're going continent to continent. Continent to continent for appetizers. Yeah, because what's Europe coming to the table with? I guess charcuterie, arancini.

Yeah. Smoked fish. Yeah. Yeah. What do British people eat as appetizers? Something bad. Something bad. Guinness. Something that sucks, I promise.

Meat and tape veg. Beans. Roasted tomato. It's my favorite. If I'm a Trader Joe's, that's the, that's, I'm spending a lot of time in the just microwave this Asian continents. Right. Yeah.

Advertiser area. I don't want to say which ones. No, I hear you. Yes. You're dancing. And almost every place has its like version of a skinny egg roll, but every country. But I got to say Lumpia, but I think I could take down anyone in any skinny egg roll. I do love a lumpia though.

How many do you think you could eat? I think how in how much time? Like 10 minutes, an hour, 10 minutes. This is a, there's no record on there. It's not an official one,

but this is a, Oh, this, this one happened on my birthday. Crazy. 10 minutes on the clock. I think I could eat 50 or like 75.

Is that a big gap? I don't think, I mean, I think that is a big gap. I feel like 50 is in play because they just disappear. They just like melt in your mouth. Really? Yeah. And you'll barely have to chew them. The record is 184.

Okay. I think I could. I think if I trained, I think in a month I can beat that record. You heard it your first. One month? One month? You take the summer. Well, you gotta get that app. It's Couch to Lumpia.

It's the Couch to Hypert hypertension app uh it's available online yeah this is why can i also just this is why ai ain't shit like i looked up lumpia eating record and they said it was 860 in 10 minutes and i was was like, that can't be right. And I dove a little deeper and it's of course not right. I'm so sick of every time I get on the internet, they're forcing AI in my face. I can't, you can't Google without AI jumping in there anymore. If you guys saw my Google right now, I'm just looking at photos of lumpia,

thinking about how hungry I am. Google M search lumpia? Yeah, I'm going to get a laughter. Mine says Filipino lumpia, but that's from something else I was doing yeah that's Spotify that was already up Filipino food I have not

spent enough time eating oh it's so good I know there's a good restaurant CJ Toledano used to have for a show. Oh, yes. Yeah, Motherland. And they have great boobia there.

I'm going to have to put that on the docket. Yeah, Motherland. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. What are you eating? Adobo. And it's going to be controversial, but it's heavy. But it's a contest. It's heavy for everybody.

That was kind of my thought process on this. I mean, everybody's in the same boat. Yeah's getting out on skate but mac and cheese i i really i really really really think i could shovel and get a lot of mac and cheese in there and i know it's heavy but again heavy for everyone i'm competing against and i think i got the drop on a lot of people i the chewing is so minimal, you can almost drink it. I can... Boy, I can get a lot of it. Now, what are we talking about? Are we talking about like a baked?

Are we talking about a blue box situation? Yeah. I think I'm thinking just like shells, not the noodles, the shells. Shells and cheese? Velveeta? No, like the... What are the... not bougie but

what are the ones that are like 50 cents more annies so those are the one with the bunny on there yeah the one with the bunny on it yeah i'm thinking the white cheddar annies shells mac and cheese i think i could eat and this has to be a weight thing so i don't know i don't i'd like this has to be a weight thing. So, I don't know. I don't, I'd like pound and a half in 10 minutes. Oh my god. At my older age, I only fuck with baked macaroni

and cheese. How many bowls do you think that is? A pound and a half? I don't know. Five? Five legit bowls? So you think you could do a pound and a half? I think that's true. I think I've said this on this podcast before. I am a Kraft macaroni and cheese blue box defender.

I still love it. So am I. I get it. The difference is so high. It is a vast difference, but it is a vast deference as well. Shout out to male birth control. But it is sometimes an important difference where you're like, I do want, I want that blue box experience. Right. I want to be treated like a little piece of shit.

It reminds me of childhood. It reminds me, it was what my dad would make when my mom was out of town when he wasn't taking me to karate and accusing the instructor of being a pedophile. It like reminds you of a time in your life. It's karate fuel.

That's ultimately what craft blue box macaroni and cheese. You can just call it. I hate dad's making karate fuel. Yeah. I think I could handle a lot of Mac and cheese. I still, I make it for max all the time. I still eat.

I eat it for days. Still. Max. I own it. Max. So you are practicing. Technically you're eating it for days still. Maxaroni. Maxi cheese, baby. So you are practicing, technically. You're eating it with your son. You're practicing.

I take it. Yes, Maxine. Miss Maxine. But I take it from her. And yeah, I just eat hers sometimes where I'm like, you don't get it. Dad's got to practice. If you're going to go to college, I got to win this competition. So I'll just take it from her.

Okay. Maxine's a very cute name. Take her to karate. Amy, your internet is so jumbled that we heard Maxine is a cute name? Yes, that is what I heard. And then I just said you should take her to karate.

Oh, I will, I bet. I'll take her to Taekwondo. I want to kill this Airbnb guy. First, he gave me the wrong internet and now the internet barely works when he gave me the right one. Can I make one correction? David's right. Lump gave me the right one. Can I make one correction? David's right.

Lumpia is the Filipino version. Cha-geo is the Vietnamese version. For all you egg roll heads out there. All my e-heads. The e-heads, listen. Sean, are you going to put Maxine and Karan? And they seem very similar. They're just the name that's different. Anyway.

Am I going to throw in Taekwondo? We got a lot of threads open right now are you gonna put maxine in taekwondo yes yeah i believe so david i was just gonna say i went to joey chestnut uh uh uh youtube and now he's making his own food to eat of course he is he just made a 10 pound pineapple upside down cake. No one asked you to do this, Joey. Trying to build and eat the biggest burrito ever at 13 pounds. God.

Of course, food is closer with the next step. Yeah, that's what happens. I don't know that this is the record, but Joey Chestnut did eat 15 pounds of macaroni and cheese I hope that's the record I pray to God that's the record I don't want to be so crash but I said crash the poops on that guy

dog they can't be the poops in the Chestnut house they gotta be like bricks you gotta have a special one in the basement you gotta be like bricks you gotta have a special one in the basement you gotta have a you gotta have a bunker you know what i have a poop bunker when you go to uh like a bulk food grocery stores and you like pull that you know you put your bag under it then you pull that lever and it just goes falling out that's what i hope his poops are like

yeah it's just a beautiful freedom. It's either that or they're, like, hard as a rock. It's nowhere between... It's one or the other. Yeah. Packed. Packed in. He has poops that he probably has to go in there and grab. Like, a doctor needs to, you know...

He's got to bag it up. Can he get, like, a toilet built by Mercedes or something like that? Like, set down in German engineering? I think it'd be built by Honda. I feel like the Japanese are the ones who are gonna... Maybe, yeah, yeah.

Just like fine-tuning, just like a... Yeah, Japanese toilet technology is leaps and bounds ahead of our own. Right, exactly. I guess we don't know what the Germans are doing. Probably pooping in a giant hole

in the ground. Dana, my wife, just texted me and said her friend Jesse wrote her college admission essay on trying to beat the mac and cheese record. Wow.

How did she do? She didn't beat the record, but she got into USC. She didn't beat the record, but she got into USC. Yeah, I was going to say, where did she go to college? I teach at USC.

She could have been one of my students. I would have been like, you get an A. Did you have anyone writing essays about the trials and tribulations of macaroni and cheese? You know, a lot of the boys are writing essays

about video games. Oh, great. Sometimes I hear stuff about college and I'm like, I could have got that done. Well, I also, I teach like creative writing, so they write short stories that are so batshit. They're like in the point of view of a rat,

but they don't tell you it's a rat. So the whole time you're like, why is this kid getting like stepped on on the subway? Why is he eating out of the trash? And then at the very like in a tiny- Why is he controlling the chef from underneath the hat? Exactly. And then like in a tiny little addendum,

he goes goes and obviously you understood that this was from the point of view of a rat and i was like how would i know that you didn't say it was a rat his name was bernard like why would i assume this was a rat that's not a rat name rat names are like like like scrinkles yeah exactly or they're writing stories where it's like i went on a date i took a girl out to pizza then i was polite i didn't touch her i took her home and then i went to sleep and i'm like this that don't write about your real life now scarred all you did was drive a girl around and take her home you could have kissed her but didn't. And I want you to know that. I'm okay.

Yeah. I was like, more action. More sex stuff. David, I think anyone, it's like getting to college. That's the hard part. I think getting into it is the hard. And then once you're there, at least in my experience, very low expectations at Portland State University. I get that.

This is Portland State. Yeah. I think it's just like at that point, you're paying money. So you got in, you're paying money. It's yours to do with what you want. So if you want to wander it, that's fine. I went to school for a semester and I was not, I wasn't going. I remember when I figured out I didn't have to go. Like I'm at college and I'm like, wait, if I just, if I don't go, I just don't go. Nobody says anything to me.

Nobody's sweating me. It's that was my downfall. So I'm just not going to go. Yeah. Just going back to Sean's pick for a second. wouldn't want I definitely wouldn't want to listen to a macaroni and cheese eating contest oh god you want to hear so you remember the roast of the week or whatever with Briden or was it Bridenstine that did it um it was or yeah yeah

Burns one of them yeah one of them said Pete Holmes said about Matt Bronger that when he shakes his head it sounds like someone's stirring mac and cheese. Because he doesn't have a chin. Because his neck. I mean, that was like eight years ago. And I still was one of the 26 I've ever heard.

That was 15 years ago. Yeah, that was a long time ago. Yeah, you're right. It was way longer than eight years ago. It still sticks out to me. Because you're right. When you stir it, you stir it and it just sounds, you know. That that's what it's gonna sound like with all y'all eating it too just that's like the in the nikki minaj song you know it's oh yeah what i'm saying yeah yeah macaroni

in the pot yeah we're gonna have music playing i was gonna say you gotta be blasting like freedom rock yeah we will have a cheese concert something loud we will. Mac and cheese concert. Something loud. I said a mac and cheese concert. I meant a contest, but I mean, you know. It is kind of a concert. Yeah, it'll be. We might even have a live band. Sean, how do you feel when,

how do you feel about fancy restaurants doing like their version of mac and cheese? I don't, I don't need them to do anything more than just have it be mac and cheese. They can do whatever they want and I'm always in, but it could just be mac and cheese. It could be out of the box and they could just make it perfectly and I'd be fine with it.

Do you think you could eat more of it if there was something else in it, like some peas or some bacon or you just want straight up? I put a little hot sauce on it just to, I think that would help me get it all down. A little Tabasco on there. Yeah. Just straight up Mac and cheese, man.

I, I could pour the bowls. I mean, I, you barely got to chew it. That was my whole thing. You damn near drink it. So then you get into what counts as food.

Like we'll get into it in a bit. Anyway, time for my first and second picks. I looked up the record on this one and it's a record that I think I'm actually capable of taking down. Or at least getting within spinning distance of. Okay. And I think if you put me against civilians, I might reign supreme.

Taking chicken nuggets. Oh, that's a good one. Chicken nuggets. From where? McDonald's? I'm going McDonald's. I'm going McDonald's. Oh, wow. Not dino?

Okay. No. Dino nuggets. All of a sudden, there's geometry at play there. There's shapes. McDonald's. Oh, wow. Not Dino? Okay. No. Dino Nuggets, all of a sudden, there's geometry at play there. There's shapes. That's fair. You know.

Also, you start realizing these are shaped like animals, then you might have an existential crisis. I don't need that. Yeah, these chicken nuggets ain't chicken. What am I doing here?

80 McDonald's chicken nuggets. The record is 80. That seems low. In how long? Now, this record is five minutes wow that's five minutes that's a lot that i that's a lot that's more than 10 a minute i understand that god i understand that but i do okay so i feel like within if you give me half an hour i do think i could eat 80 chicken nuggets where with a lot lot of these records, I'm like, I don't think I could ever eat, for example, whatever the street taco record was, 276 or whatever it was.

That was crazy. Yeah. Or 176. Like that, I don't think I could ever do. Whereas 80 chicken nuggets, just four 20-packers from McDonald's? I'm with you that I think chicken nuggets is reasonable. I would do Wendy's spicy nuggets over McDonald's, personally. Oh yeah, the spicy nuggets.

That's great. That's a great pick. They're a little too dry, though, is what I would worry about with the spicy. Are you dipping them yet? You definitely gotta be chasing them. Ooh, that's a good question. If I'm going for numbers, I'm not dipping them in a sauce. But if you're going for a number that you can eat

if you're going for a number you can eat and you have longer to do would you dip them to get more down or you're just thinking I'm just swallowing them whole I think that sugar starts like wreaking havoc if I'm doing it in 10 minutes and then I'm dipping it in barbecue

or honey mustard I think I start to get that like sugar madness which makes maybe makes you feel. Although maybe that would fuel you through. Maybe if you time it just right, it's that fast and furious hitting the nose button, you know? I'm hitting the honey mustard button. You never had your nose. But, you know, think about the time you've had 20, like just got a 20 piece and got that done in five minutes without even thinking about it.

Like not even like, I've done 20 nuggets. Cause I had a bad day. Yeah. In a hurry, like in the car, in the drive home. So I could eat my big Mac and my spicy chicken sandwich at home.

I will. Sometimes I don't want to be embarrassed. I'll stop and get like a, like some nuggets on the way home to eat dinner. Sometimes I don't want to be embarrassed. I'll stop and get like some nuggets on the way home to eat dinner. And I won't say I got them because I don't want to eat too much dinner. They're private. Nuggets are to be eaten in private.

That's a private food. Some foods are for private. Well, I don't want to be like, I don't want to have eight helping. So I'm going to get a little something on the way home, a little pre-dinner and I'm not going to tell Laura about it. You're juicing your dinner numbers?

And I'll throw it away before I go in, and I'll hide it in the garbage. Oh, now I got to tell her, because I'm telling all you guys. I'm going to call her right after this. She's burying it under the rest of the trash. So you're like picking up all the garbage. Burying it under his Brussels sprout

container. Yeah, I just put it in like a spinach bag and i'm like sorry i had to get a bag of spinach on the way home and eat it you're printing out fake paperwork from volunteer work you're pretending you don't want her to know about and putting that on top of the chicken nuggets putting like baby oil on my face like man it was hard skating earlier i'm sweating so bad from skating and yeah you print out out the escort hours for Planned Parenthood, put those on top of the chicken nuggets, garbage, and then put that in the trash so she sees that first.

One of the good ones. Hero. If I had like 20 minutes, I would be dipping them in ranch, I feel. Okay. That's a good question. What's everybody's favorite dipping sauce? I agree with the ranch. The ranch or like that buffalo sauce they have.

Sweet and sour. Sweet and sour. I might give it a little kiss. Like if I was doing this, I might give each one a little kiss. Just a little peck. Just a little grandma smooch? A little something to make it so it's not just dry nug, you know? I think so in a competitive environment, you'd be chasing it with like water

right i think that's all these that's whack i want to get rid of water for our for our contest i don't want water oh we're getting rid of water yeah i'm chugging ranch bro for the four well that so as a caveat because i was thinking about chicken nuggets too like could you put an amount of ranch that you had to kill so you're like you you have to kill oh at least one ramekin of ranch that you had to kill. So you're like, you, you have to kill at least one ramekin of ranch. So this is like 72 ounce steak rules where it's like, you gotta eat the potato. You gotta eat the rolls too. So like all of a sudden it's like,

you also have to finish this pint glass of ranch dressing. It would make it interesting because it'd be you like, you could really flip it on its ear for the strategy. If you were like, they sit down and you're like, all right, no water. And you got to finish, you know, six ounces of ranch with all your nuggets yeah that'd be buck

right my second pick i'm going into something that i could not find an existing record for so maybe it hasn't even been attempted and maybe i can be the first person to scale this mountain but i firmly believe that i could eat so many gummy bears. Oh, man. I thought I would get that late. Oh, fuck. I have a gummy on mine. Wait, here's a question. Can I take a different type of gummy later? I say yes.

I say yes. I think gummy bears I could house. These little guys, I love them. The Haribos? The Haribos. Anytime I get a bag, I have finished it before I have even realized I was eating gummy bears.

They go down so easy. It's like they want to be in there. I love gummy bears. Yeah, and something about their little bodies, their little hands, their little feet, their little heads does make it more pleasurable. Yeah, their little, like, tucked in bodies. It's like they're doing little, you know,

they're doing cannonballs into your digestive system. They seem like they want to be eaten. And if you leave them behind in the bag, they'll be sad. They do. They seem like they're little soldiers ready to go. And they're like, I know what I'm here for. Yeah. Like they want to join their friends inside of you.

They do. Like your stomach is the swimming pool at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs. And they just want to pull up next to it and have a time. Just hand over fist. I just really feel I have not hit my, not hit my gummy bear limit physically only in terms of supply or emotionally. That makes sense. Yeah.

I mean, we used to get them every day at the fortress. We'd go over to the corner store and Zach and I just come back with, you know, like treat just bags of treats and we would get those gone so quick without even thinking about it. They're just gone. I gotta say, gummy bears, so I eat a ton of candy because I'm

a type 1 diabetic and it's like my medicine. So when my blood sugar goes low and I, so I like OD on different candies where I'll be eating like Swedish Fish for a month. Can't look at Swedish Fish. I'll eat uh, Petrings for a month. Can't look at Swedish fish. I'll eat peach rings for a month. Can't look at peach rings. Gummy bears are always a staple.

I always come back to them. They're not obnoxious. It's just like... Do you feel like peach rings have too much grit? Sometimes. Sometimes. That's a good question. And then every now and then you meet a type one diabetic

who eats glucose tabs instead of candy. And I'm like, you're a fucking loser, dude. You tabs instead of candy and i'm like you're a fucking loser dude you're a fucking nerd you could eat just candy no way that's like if superman only like flew to the grocery store and back yeah i'm like it's all sugar why are you eating those stupid chalky tablets i'm experimenting with different kinds of candy i'm getting them from sweden i'm with different kinds of candy. I'm getting them from Sweden. I'm doing all kinds of candy shit. That's making the worst out of a bad situation.

Yeah. It's too responsible. I'm like, I love my medicine. I would be eating like, getting dudes in Korea to send me the latest Kit Kat flavors and shit. I would be like, all over that. I just got a bunch of Malaysian Kit Kats. Men send me candy on OnlyFans. I'm like showing my feet.

I'm asking for tax advice. You got Malaysian Kit Kats, David? I got a bag of Malaysian goodies the other day and it the Kit Kats, insane. Strawberry cheesecake Kit Kats they're going nuts out there I got lobster lays

like bro it was great all the snacks a lot of innovation in the Kit Kat space oh my god that was like we're living it's trash over here when we went to Dank Mart that same shit in Vancouver when we went to Dank Mart they had the shit in Vancouver, when we went to Dank Mart, they had the wildest stuff.

I spent 80 bucks there on candy. And none of it seemed unreasonable. You were like, why am I going to be around this again? It was all gone, by the way. It's all gone. Except for the Mountain Dews I bought, the Funky Mountain Dews. Those are for the Patreon. So I'm taking Chicken Nuggies and Gumburskies.

Those are my first two picks. Sean Jordan, time for your second. I'm going, I don't know if it's controversial again. I don't know how heavy this stuff is because I'm pretty stupid, but I just feel like I could house a whole bunch of them. I'm going tater tots. Oh, I think that's good.

Just raw. Let me ask you something. Not raw, obviously. Nine inches. What else do you need to ask? Why did you think that might be controversial? Why did you think that might be controversial? Because I don't might be because i don't know how much stuff like i don't it's like i don't know anything about carbs and starches and like all this stuff i'm so stupid when it

comes to this stuff so i'm like does this stuff expand in your stomach or is it does it sit heavy if you can eat more than other people then you're golden that's what it's my whole thought process and i really i just again i'm giving all these a little kiss of ranch or blue cheese or something then you're golden. That's what, it's my whole thought process. And I really, I just, again, I'm giving all these a little kiss of ranch or blue cheese or something, just a tiny little bit. And just, just slamming them in there.

Like Popeye was spinach. Just, you know, you know, I, I think part of your approach is like, Hey, I'm going to enjoy this no matter what,

even if I lose, I'm coming in here. I am like, Oh, we get to eat all the tater tots we want. I don't care what place I get. You're going to be the dude at the contest eating, uh,

three hot dogs. Yeah. Just really dressing them up on the Island. Yeah. I'll be texting. No, I think I really think I could. I mean,

cause again, it's just one of those foods that they're always gone. The second I, like if I get tossed for the table, they're gone way before anyone else even thinks about taking one most of the time. I think tots is smart. I think it's the best potato side also. I agree.

I agree. What's the consistency you're looking at? Do you like a softer tot or like a super crunchy, dense, greasy tot? We'll go a little soggy on this one because I don't want to crunch. I think the crunch would intimidate me because I would know each time I crunch, I'm eating. I think I'd just soggy or I could more like ball them up in my mouth and give it one little one good chew.

And then one good. That's funny looking. I've never done that on a Zoom call. But yeah. And then just get him. He's showing everyone how he would chew. Yeah. that's funny looking I've never done that on a zoom call but yeah and then just get him in there he's showing everyone how he would chew yeah

there's gotta be a record somewhere for tots so in 10 minutes again we gotta go by weight on this one right you think I think so that's what it looks like how they've done the record you can't do it by tot they've gone by tot I just saw a by

tot record I wanna go by tot I Well, they've gone by tot. I just saw a by tot record. I want to go by tot. I think that's more fun. And it's more like wits and wagers where I have no idea what I'm saying. But I think I could eat 200 tots in 10 minutes. Okay. Okay.

I think that's good. Yeah, because they are little fat bombs. So I think this is one you want to hit fast and hard. Yeah, I don't have a lot of longevity in this stuff. I don't in general. I can't like eat, eat, eat. But I can I can hold on to grease. They're little grease balls.

Taylor Tots, a little grease balls walking around your neighborhood. All greasy covered in ranch. Yeah, you got to go. The reason I think we I remember when I worked at this call center, we had half hour lunch breaks and we would go eat like we were in prison. Like we would eat like someone was going to take our food if we didn't eat it first, you know?

So I've, I remember just your last meal, but yeah, I really think 10 minutes. I could just Hoover some tots. 200 baby. The record is that I found according to or Ida and that's Oregon, Idaho.

These people grow potatoes for a living. Yeah, that's the, that's the, they grow potatoes for a living folks. 250 in five minutes. Damn., folks. 250 in five minutes. Damn. In five minutes.

In five minutes. Now that does seem... How many tots do you think are in an order of tots? That's the question. 40. You're so quick on that. 40? Actually, I gotta relax. I don't know why I do you think? You think less? Actually, I got to relax.

I don't know why I was so adamant about that. You came in pretty hard. That was crazy. I think closer to 20. No. Okay. Are we talking about it Sonic or are we talking about it like a diner?

Nothing is tater tot sized. I'll tell you that when you look around your hotel room. No, no, it's a bad unit of measure. Yeah, I think like a, yeah, I'd need to see 250 at a time. I don't think I'd get scared. Why don't we say 30 coming in order?

Let's do it. Right down the middle. We have no information. We'll split the difference. Yeah. All right, tater tots. I kind of think, I think they're easy to swallow.

They're moist. I think those go down easy. Yeah, the crunchy would, you know, if I'm especially I'm slamming so many I don't want to get a you don't want to get a throat cut. That'll stop the whole competition. That's what you do that you don't want to get injured. No, you get an infection. Now you're out of the competitive eating game for the six, six months, seven months. Then I go septic. I go to the hospital. It's a whole thing. I can't. Yeah,

I get a staph infection. No, thanks. Amy, it's time for your second pick. I just want to say a ride has a reason to pump up its numbers, you know, but I believe that that's also true. That is okay. My second pick is kind of also, I think, maybe controversial.

I think I could eat the most chicken noodle soup. Wow. Interesting. I wanted to get into that because that's I did not see this coming. Well, that's it's heavy, too. I think it was frozen again, so we can just talk about it. But that says heavy and and you kind of get to drink it.

But I don't think it's like a liquid. You know, I think it's a food. It's a food. Yeah, but it's, it's salty too. I love that. Well, and I just feel in my experience, you know, I grew up eating chicken noodle soup as a Jew and I feel that I can eat just so much more chicken noodle soup than everybody else. But how's bowl after bowl, after bowl, after bowl. I have a real salty palate too. I like crave salt. So do I. So you're built for this. You have a genetic advantage with the Judaism. And no other genetic advantages. All my other, you know.

You have to lose the bark of gene and ability to eat chicken noodle soup. Yeah, exactly. I can't find a record for this. So we're just like, this might be an unexplored territory, just eating chicken noodle soup. How much do you think you could take down? What also, how sick are you? My favorite in LA, I don't even know if they're still open anymore,

is Jerry's Famous Deli. I'll eat Cantor's. It's not my favorite. But of like a big Cantor's container, I could eat like four gallons, I think, in 20 minutes. Is that crazy? Yes, that's crazy. Four gallons?

That's fucking insane. I forgot to tell you guys, I don't really understand sizes. Think of a gallon of milk. It's one of the easier sizes to envision. Okay, you're right. You're right. That was the wildest shit I of the easier sizes to envision. Okay, you're right. You're right. That was the wildest shit I'm going to hear all day. Okay, fine.

Two gallons. I can eat two gallons in 20 minutes. I feel confident. Hey, shoot your shot. Yeah, like barfing after, maybe. Durning after the whole time. Oh, yeah. I'm not trying to listen this i mean we can all call uh each other pull each other's cards on this entire draft but two gallons of anything in 20 minutes is pretty gnarly okay maybe i love it

okay fine okay two gallons in an hour i'd so i've tried milk challenge. One gallon of milk in an hour without barfing. And I could not do it. I've tried it a few times. I'm not saying you couldn't do this, but I think you could. But milk is harder, right? It is. It's something just like you're really not supposed to be able to have a gallon. Anyway, I digress.

I think you got two gallons in an hour. I will say I came out really confident. And then the minute you guys showed any sort of uncertainty, I was like, you're right. You're right. I'm an idiot. Forgot it. But I still think I can eat more soup than anyone else. I believe you could eat more soup than me, but I don't know if we're hitting the two gallon mark.

Okay. All right. I'd love to watch you try. I wonder what two gallons looks like. Like that's like a giant mixing bowl of chicken noodle soup. Yeah. I feel similarly to like, you know, chicken nuggets you never get full of or gummy bears. I just have never not been able to eat more soup.

Like it's always just gone. And that's why I don't eat more of it. Right. Right. Right. You hit the bottom of the pot. That's a good sign. That's a good sign for this

chicken noodle soup putting it on the board david time for your second third picks okay this is gonna be a controversial one i'm taking it i'm taking it to the land of desserts i'm saying uh otis spunkmeyer soft cookies oh yeah dude i man and i mean this is once again maybe this is me thinking with my heart because i think they're just so delicious but i've never wanted i always want a shitload more yeah i've never had enough otis bunkmeyer which ones are the spunk meyer i'm googling i don't know otis buckmeyer oh they're so soft they're like i don't know they're like you see how soft your voice got softer than that they're pillowy they relent under your teeth in this just really beautiful way

no you're saying it sexually i guess i think more sensual than sexual because a Spunkmeyer cookie is a sensual experience. It's a sensual experience, a Spunkmeyer cookie. What flavor? Oh, man. I think that we just go classic chocolate chip or we go the white chocolate macadamia ones. I like that. I also like the chocolate chip chip ones a bunch of google

reviews come up and it just says taste good taste good taste good over and over again that's the reviews people are leaving that's goddamn right that's all you need to know what else what else do you need yeah and like yeah i think that are what are the other ones so yeah i'd probably do the white chocolate macadamia nut or my favorite butter would be a little too dry i think so or the classic chocolate chip how many do you think you can take down okay well in 10 minutes yeah 10 minutes you're gonna freak out i think you could do more than that five you said 25 oh 25 okay i was like damn 25 i've done 5 25 25 to 30 yeah you're getting a little yeah a little see now this you kind of got to allow a little milk if you're a milk person if not a little water i don't know

i'm not even a milk person but i couldn't do it with water it would ruin the whole experience it's just dangerous almost to do something this like this gravelly without some sort like these are the kinds of things that get balled up and stick in your throat now there hasn't been a Otis Bunkmeyer eating contest and these cookies that I'm watching this dude

eat right here are a little bit smaller than an Otis Bunkmeyer are they crunchy too because they look crunchy. Those little McDonald's cookies. Those little guys like little 50 cent pieces. These are bigger than that. These are bigger than that. These are slightly bigger than a Chips Ahoy I want to say. Old boy got to 200 and

they are exactly Chips Ahoy cookies. Sorry. 203 in under 30 minutes. Is he wood chipping them? No, I can't. Here's the thing. I like eating too much. I like eat slow anyways. So We're not talking about that game, baby.

Yeah, we're not talking about enjoying yourself. No, okay, but I still think I could cram, like if of all desserts, I think that's the dessert I could eat the most of pretty damn I love a fucking Otis Bunkmeyer cookie, dude. Now I gotta get one of these. I've never the most of. Pretty damn. I love a fucking Otis Bunkmeyer cookie, dude. Now I got to get one of these. I've never even heard of it until this moment.

Have an Otis month. Yeah, this is the next blood sugar situation. Yo. Yeah, for sure. It's top tier. The Bunkmeyer. Yeah. And your third pick.

What do you remember? Do you have a treasure memory about Otis Bunkmeyer cookie? No, it was a friend of ours is diabetic. But when we we were kids he'd always have to get treats and we were like you're lucky dude because he would just have to eat candy no it's of all the autoimmune diseases mind fucking rules that's fair people with lupus don't get to like go skiing to like deal with it you know there's not like little treats you gotta go to veil dude i'm sorry yeah exactly i'm like sorry i love candy kiss my ass gotta go to veil bro david where are you taking us on your third pick my third pick i am also picking an asian appetizer okay here we go and so i want to say i had another one but then I really thought about it.

And I was like, for a lot, I almost need more of a softer exterior than a like a crunchy exterior. If I'm going to go many, many. So I'm taking pork gyoza. I don't know what that is. Potstickers. That's like potstickers. Oh, okay. Doing the soft ones, not the...

Yeah, not the crispy ones. Or like, you know when they fry them in the pan so there's a little bit of crisp? Little pan fried. Yeah, the little brown on each side, but then the outsides are kind of that grayish color. I never want to go to war against my brother.

Ha ha! And that is what you are. But I would sit down across the table from you in a gyoza eating contest i would and i'd referee it baby i'd sit there on my list i feel like i don't i think there's never enough there's never enough there's never enough i don't like it i so much so that if i'm getting sushi i don't want to get it and split it with other people right i'm like i'll take my yeah give me that you got the whatever right yeah and that's like the move you get your own appetizer and that little sauce and and man.

With little scallions in it? It's also on my list. I'm right there with you guys. It's just, I've never had it bad. I've had bad restaurants and still the gyoza fire every time. Even when the gyoza's bad,

it's still good. It's still good. It's like pizza. It's not the same potential pick yeah exactly right it's just always good i have done so much fucking damage on the trader joe's gyoza to the point where i was like i can't have this in my home anymore yeah i will just make the entire bag wrap it up in the uh the paper towels microwave it and then just just toss them back there's got to be

a record for this one. Hold on. Let me look at it. There has to be. There has to be. Because we can't be the only people. The texture is so perfect to eat a ton of. Are you giving them a little dip? Yeah, I'm giving them a little dip. Or if it's just like a huge

bowl, I wouldn't even mind just drizzling over the whole top you know i'm saying like save yourself some time yeah and then just found a world record 2021 okay how many do you the first of all let's let's each say how much how many we think we could eat what's the time 10 minutes i like this 10 minutes we're going with. 10 minutes. I think truly I could eat 45, 50. I think I could eat. Maybe I'm overshooting. I kind of think I could eat like 90 or 100.

Really? Maybe not. Maybe that's insane. 60? It's going to like hold weight. You know what I mean? Yeah, they're not tiny. They're not tiny they're not

tiny the record is 384 I'm just not a competitive eater Joey Chestnut again this motherfucker in his fucking golden era even when I think I'm being crazy I wouldn't even if

someone was like what's the craziest number I wouldn't even get close to 380 that's an absurd amount to eat that's what he did in 10 minutes 380 fire pot stickers eaten in 10 minutes that's fucking nuts did you hear that number Amy?

I did you know I'm gonna go this is also something I think I can eat a lot of, but I was going to say like 70. That's a lot. That's a lot. That's kind of where I was landing too.

And we were off by five times, Mia Mew. And you just know, I mean, I know this is part of competitive eating, but you know, he's not enjoying them when he's, when he's, he's not doing the sauce dip, you know? I'm sure he's in a meditative state. Maybe I need to retool my numbers because I feel like maybe I'm lowballing then. I think we are probably underestimating ourselves a little bit.

Like, I didn't even try to touch rim for a long time. And I couldn't, but I never tried. You gotta believe in yourself. It's really hard for me to extrapolate because I don't have like a. The most I've ever eaten is like a whole thing of gyoza. Yeah, right. You know what I mean? Like I'm in that I had other food like I've never been like I've never sat down and committed to it.

So I don't know what my numbers are going to be. I have a dumpling dinner often, but different kinds of dumplings. And I, again, always feel like I could eat five dinners that I won. Right. The Din Tai Fung Postmates is a problem. Oh, I don't Postmates

Dim Sum. They're better. I try not to, but there's a Din Tai Fung right down the street. And sometimes, sometimes hits just because if i'm doing dim sum i want to go in i want to stretch yeah i want to look a man in his face and i want enough chili paste that's a big issue i need a lot of chili paste first place i went in la was dim sum with you and ivan and her uh din tai fung with you and. Or Din Tai Fung with you and Ivan. Oh, that's right. Yeah. He took us right out

and he's like, yeah, I remember at the end, he's like, get a smoothie. He's like, Ian's gotta get a smoothie. And I was like, I don't get a smoothie. Not that he was picking up the check. My son is picking up the check. Get a smoothie. At the end of it, we ate all the food and then he's like, get a smoothie.

I was like, I don't get this fucking smoothie what do i care he has an attorney can't pick up the check can't even split it this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by policy genius policy genius i'm going to hit you we're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick now 40 of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies

that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it, which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in,

they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about,

but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy

Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, with this week, we want to touch a little bit on self-care routines, some stuff that's non-negotiable. Some stuff like, you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip, uh, you know, leg day. Uh, myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that. Like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot.

I know that sounds ridiculous. And like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. Uh, I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it.

If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for yourself. You just have to prioritize it. It happens. You can talk to someone, get a new set of ears on it, and they will just guide you through the path. Therapy helps with everything. And if you're thinking of starting, go on and get better help with Trey. Give it a shot.

It helps for learning positive coping skills, setting boundaries, all these things that are extremely important. It's all online. It's convenient, flexible. They suit to your schedule. Go on and fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time for zero additional

charge. They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash all fantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, time for your third. My third is a miniature meatball. We're talking kind of like Swedish meatball size. You know when you go to a Super Bowl party and somebody's mom

has done like in a crock pot those little meatballs that you eat with toothpicks. And I always feel self-conscious that I'm eating so many meatballs and everyone's like, oh, are the meatballs almost gone? And then I have to pretend like I too

have just become aware that they're almost gone. Even though they're perfect right now. And I have to be like, oh, what? They're almost gone? Yeah, and you know, people are like putting them on their miniature plates and my plate is like a pyramid of meatballs. This is another food where i don't

know what the what the the polite society limit of this food is you know i feel like there are rubrics there's like three pieces of pizza right three cookies what what two hot dogs whatever you know like the amount that like in polite society, you should eat many meatballs. It could be three. It could be 12. Like, I don't know what's considered acceptable at a party. So I'm going to veer towards 12. If I'm having a good time, time limit thing for me, I like, I let a certain amount of time expire. And if they're not gone to me, they're all mine. I, if it's been in 45 minutes and there's any left all mine, nobody wants them, but they wanted them. They would've got them. It's tricky at a Super Bowl party though because then it's like, what if somebody's a second half eater?

Maybe that's on them. The thing that I do always in life, which is I feel like if you apologize for the thing that you know you're doing, that's annoying. Then people will forgive you. So I'm always just like, I'm sorry I'm eating so many meatballs. But then

the person who brought the meatballs is like blushing, you know? So you're actually doing a mitzvah at the same time. And it's like almost always someone's mom. I feel like it has like brought them or it's like some mom's recipe. Yeah, because it's a crockpot heavy dish and our generation isn't hitting the crockpot, I think, quite as hard as previous generations. Fair. My next pick was going to be Ian's meatballs. Ian's Super Bowl meatballs. It sounds so gnarly to say it that I could eat,

but that was my next pick. It's a grape jelly-based meatball. It's a grape jelly and teriyaki meatball. It's delicious. It goes down easy. I've made it once, and I still get credit for it. A lot of mom's sauces, you don't know. You're like, what is this sauce?

You can't quite. Is it teriyaki is this sauce? Like you can't quite. Is it teriyaki? Is it barbecue? Is it grape jelly? You just can't ever put a finger on, like put your foot on it. We have lost because you know what? Like it was in a lot of those sauces.

It would be like it has ketchup in it. It's like it's ketchup and mayonnaise and two other things. And I think in our, at least in my circles and my personal proclivity is to be very much like cooking out of the,

you know, like the cookbooks, Claire Saffitz, wanting it to be like very like from the ground up and I would never put ketchup in something. But a lot of those ketchup based sauces fucking hit.

And these hipster ass cookbooks don't let you fuck with them anymore. I want to say, I want to take the time to say this now because Amy's paused. Yeah. I hate to say it. The last few months, last month or so, as far as as a dipping sauce, not on a hot dog or anything. No way.

Coming back around on ketchup. Oh, no. Notorious no ketchup. Notorious. ketchup notorious back to ketchup life's not life's about growth uh i think that i maybe i wrote so because it's been years it's well you don't like it you on well documented saying you do not like it but it was like i want to say maybe a month ago i was out and i ordered some food and like it was like we were really busy wherever it was it was really busy and i didn't even wanna i i was like i'm not gonna try to get some more ranch fuck it and i did the ketchup and i was like not terrible i

still don't like it all as a condiment like on the sandwich or the burger or anything like that what were you dipping into it it was was just french fries. This was my experience with avocado once upon a time where I was convinced I didn't like it and then I was like let me just try a little bit and I liked it a little bit and now it's like one of my favorite things. But I was convinced

it was gross for the longest time. I can still like avocados and then they try it and it's like your palate like matures. Yeah, like your kid tongue doesn't know what it is. My stomach can't handle it anymore. I've gone reverse on avocados. I love it, love the flavor. Now it

makes me kind of queasy a little bit. I don't know if it's an allergy. My mouth starts to itch. I just can't really. I can't, like, fuck with it wholehearted like I used to. And it sucks. That's awful.

It sucks. Yo, I was guacamole on everything. Give me that guacamole burger, whatever. I hate it. Dude, I'll drop the guac on anything. The guac is hot. The guac is hot. Sean, time for your third pick. Now now this is, okay, this is Buck

and this is a little out of pocket but I really, again, everyone's in the same boat I think I could eat I'm going to say fresh jalapenos what? fresh jalapenos, that's the weirdest one I've ever heard I think I could, and trust me

I was talking to this kyle last night he he was like he did that he did what the three you just did i really think and no evidence this this is i don't i didn't research i didn't even look because it's more fun i think you're gonna hit like a terminal velocity with heat and in as soon as you're done it's gonna be a real bummer but while you're doing it it's like when you dip chips in a really hot salsa and it's not hot until you're done. And you're like, whoa, I really think I could hammer quite a few. Without question, you're hitting terminal velocity on heat. Is it just like a bowl?

Like just a bowl of diced? Or what are we talking? Sliced? Are you just cramming a pepper? Not pickled. It's the jalapeno, the whole thing. You put the stem in, rip the pepper off, chew it up, throw the stem. So it's like, I think this is by stem count.

Stem count. Yeah, I think we're going by stem count because you got like a boneyard for the stems. And I, in 10 minutes, you know, probably 60. Wow. I didn't dig. So I could be so wrong. Kyle thinks I'm wrong. you know, probably, probably 60. Whoa. I didn't, I didn't dig.

So, I could be so wrong. Kyle thinks I'm wrong. He thinks it's going to get hotter with every pepper. I disagree. I really. No, there is a point

where you match it. I think it'll get hotter up until like 10. Which I think is fine. I really, I mean, I don't know what it is. I built up this tolerance.

I like spicy food right now or whatever it is, but I really, really do, not in a cool or like macho way, but I really, I mean, I don't know what it is. I built up this tolerance. I like spicy food right now or whatever it is, but I really, really do not in a cool or like macho way, but I really enjoy really spicy stuff. I just do. I just, I really need it. It's not the going down where you're going to hit the issues. Well, you got to pay the plate, brother.

It's not the going down. It's when your butt turns into one of the portals from Diablo 2. I've had it happen before. I've had gnarly poops. Ain't nothing new to me. I can handle it. Ain't no poops new to him. No, no, this is a veteran of the poop world.

Yeah, I pooped. The record is 279. In what? Not in five minutes in 10 minutes oh my god bro that is if you want to talk about a buck shit whoever did that was it our boy again was it cody chestnut or not cody mike and not Cody. It was DeAngelo. DeAngelo ate 279 jalapenos. No, this guy or no. Molly Skyler broke the record for the most jalapenos eaten during the

contest with 279. Nice. And then Brandon, the garbage disposal. Clark came in second with 178. The garbage disposal. The Garbage Disposal. The Garbage Disposal. Wally only won $3,000 for eating that many. Oh, that's your hospital bill.

I mean, you got to get a new butthole after that. Those are all to see a woman on the board. The Caitlin Clark of jalapeno. Absolutely. And then also the Garbage Disposal. He looks like you think he looks he does he really good friends with pain and ass they go on tour sometimes garbage disposal yeah jalapenos i you know i i'm crazy for that one but i think i really think i got it i'm gonna dip my ladle uh back in the aforementioned beautiful Asian appetizer world of competitive eating.

And I'm going to take soup dumplings. Great pick. Come on. I was choosing between that and Olympia. And then I went Olympia, but I'm right there with you. This is torn from the headlines for me because my wife and I were in Montreal. Our plane landed. We went to a soup dumpling place uh-huh and

i had i i it was a thing of dignity which stopped me from eating them where i like ate my entire order of 20 soup dumplings and then i had a couple of hers and i was sitting there like boy i could eat that all over again and then i looked up record. And the record for soup dumplings is only 109 in 10 minutes. You can beat that. I feel like I got that. Right? That's a lot of bites of cereal in 10 minutes.

Soup dumplings? But just like 109 soup dumplings? Yeah, I got your back. I think you would get very close they're hot I will say they're hot they got a lot of heat inside of them

you don't have to get away from the cool down you don't have to get them at their peak heat or even if they're not you just gotta deal with it you're just gonna get some mouth burns and you could be running the forge where you're just like you know where you blow the air over some mouth burns and you could be running the forge where you're just like, you know, you blow the air over them the whole time.

You could do that. I think I got 109 soup dumplings in there. Are they pork? What's in them? Am I an idiot? Depends on what you want in the soup dumpling. What are you having in them? The classic is pork.

Classic is pork. Took me for a ride there, didn't you? Yeah. You can get other stuff in a soup dumpling but yeah I really feel like 109 is a real modest

number as far as like an eating record goes it does it feels like nobody like has gone in and tried to challenge

like everybody likes the record holder so much they're like ah whatever Dana was clowning me when I said I could get I think I could at least

get close to 109 she thought she didn't believe in me for half a second. Hold on. Now we gotta prove her wrong. Prove her. I was gonna say, I'm gonna Postmates you 109 dumplings. She's not here. Postmates me 109 dumplings.

I'll video myself eating them. This is my Sean Jordan's pint glass full of hot sauce, where I do think I could do 109 soup dumplings. And, like, during a show. I think I could, like, handle it during a show i wouldn't want to that's insane that's insane like a live afv oh you're talking about a show you're watching or you're doing your show huh do it just you're watching the crown just pounding

dumplings i think conducting this very podcast i can handle like what's your shell? It would be the crown. It would be the crown, like a modest, well-acted drama. And then for my fourth pick, I'm going to go another one that I can't believe the record is as low as it is. Although maybe, okay. Ice cream. Oh, yes. Oh, that's a difficult, your brain. Your brain would freeze and i lactose intolerant ashkenazi jew

i'm eating and shitting at the exact same time so it would fuck me up in that way but the record is a gallon nine ounces in. In 10 minutes? 12 minutes. That's insane. You have to figure out a way around the headache. How do you even get it down? You can't power through one of those. That's crazy. You could power through an ice cream headache.

No. If the good money was on the line, I think you could just blindly eat. Here's what I do. I break the ice cream record and the soup dumpling record at the same time, and I'm just going ice cream, soup dumpling. So it's like, it's cooling it down. I never get an ice cream headache.

I'm never getting mouth burns. Breaking them both at the same time. Then I go back to a regular way of living the next day. I've never looked at what an ice cream headache is, but can you like, are they bad for you? Or is it just pain?

It can't be bad for you. The little troll who lives in between your eyes wants some ice cream. He gets jealous and he starts hopping up and down, like poking your brain. It turns into a pretty bad headache. It's so crippling. Stop joking. It's so crippling.

And I don't know and I don't know I don't know how long I could handle an ice cream headache also I wonder if they just go away and then they're gone like if you yeah I have one they fuck me up I like I gotta drop to the my knees when there's not like a like Elias and

platoon just like no I'm good dude I can I can work on ice cream headache they suck but I can like do stuff during one like it makes me like i have to i can do hand stuff during an ice cream you put your you put your you put your thumb on the roof of your mouth it's supposed to get rid of it or your tongue yeah yeah i've never tried it but i don't i don't need ice cream enough to practice any of this thing i'm just saying you give me some strawberry ice cream. Yeah, I was going to say, what flavor? I'm going strawberry. I think vanilla that's almost too sweet.

You sort of have to have a fruity, a grounded fruity. Yeah, like a sort of fruity flavor powering me through. There's little chunks of strawberry in there. I'd go like Rocky Road so that there's different textures. Amy, you're not getting past Spoon 15 on a Rocky Road.

There is so much business happening in a rocky road. There's marshmallow, there's peanuts, there's chocolate. You got to. I thought, I feel like that would be exciting to eat, but maybe you're right. If we're sitting watching a movie, rocky road, ice cream, of course, if you, if you're out there trying to break records and break hearts and break brains across America, you gotta go in simple no chunks yeah one rest you know like one ingredient you ever had northwest guys you ever had a blackberry ice cream or any one yeah that's the blackberry is probably what i would do yeah amy fly during take a flight from orlando to

portland see two shirtless guys high-fiving and then have yourself a cone of blackberry ice cream it's real good tilamuk a little tilamuk creamery maybe some i've been to the tilamuk cream i've been to the source i went to the ben and jerry's ice cream factory did i tell you guys about this when i was in vermont no oh man ben and jerry were not there but everyone who works there had a pretty Ben and Jerry's vibe. I imagine. I imagine that's part of it.

Yeah, real happy, real fun. Glad you're there. Passionate about ice cream. Now I sound like I work at the Ben and Jerry's factory. They give you, you go on a little tour of the factory. Doesn't take too long. It's the exact right amount of time.

It's like 10 minutes. You watch a film and then they give you a sample, a big sample of a new flavor or something they're working on we're talking about like a like a like a like a scoop i'm talking a scoop i'm talking like i want to say 75 of a scoop just enough that's a big ass sample just enough to sort of wet the appetite but not enough to be like i'm not going to go to the ice cream store on house, on premises ice cream shop? What was the flavor they gave you? We got mango.

I love mango. Which is not what I would go to Ben & Jerry's for traditionally. It's not what I would go cream. I want it to be like an ice or a sorbet. Yeah. But it was delicious. Isn't that the job you want as a kid? Ice cream flavor creator. It's the job I want as a man. I would flavor creator it's the job i want as a man i would do the lady she wasn't there but because we were there on a sunday but most days she's there the

ice cream lady and you can talk to her and ask her what her life is like yeah like so cool the happiest woman in the world oh my god she lives in and she lives in vermont the same as every other same as a comedian she's kind of like you know why does that guy get the bigger room in ben and jerry's i'm a better food scientist whatever she's like sick of the hacks down at bluebell. Exactly. Oh, they put Twix in it. Real interesting. She's like, I had no respect. Unlike everyone.

I found a kumquat that only grows in Sri Lanka and I'm distilling it down to its essence. These guys are out here fucking putting Kit Kat bars in ice cream. For me, it was chunky chimpanzee. I made a monkey. It's too much. A chimpanzee was wearing people's tongues out.

They couldn't eat enough of the ice cream. Let's start a company, dude. I came in in 84. I said, what if we make a chunky monkey? A star was born. I would happily open an ice cream shop with you guys canon larry's yeah it'd be great what canon larry's you need a token diabetic i'll be there all right fantastic yeah we'll all be diabetic at some point if we open an ice cream store do you guys ever go get ice cream to the ice cream store i do i'm like an asshole in there

because i always talk to him like it's some willy wonka experience and it's truly it's truly just some teen yeah with a job and i'm always like what's what's in the back he's like what do you what's coming up next month he's like my manager says I'm not supposed to let anybody back there uh we've been we've been over this I had a boyfriend in high school who worked at um Cold Stone Creamery that's where that's that's the one and he always said that he would

have to switch arms or else one bicep would get bigger the ball of his uh mixing on the marble I mean I would say that to impress my girlfriend. My high school girlfriend. I realize that was a lie. Oh, let me feel it.

I was like, my boyfriend got big biceps because he works at the Cold Stone Creamery. Babe, I'm getting too shredded at the stone. We go get ice cream and we always, it's a rocky road, if you will, when Laura and I are there because I will not sample. I don't

do it and I look down on it. I don't like it. And she samples because I'm like, it's ice cream. It's all going to be dope. Pick a flavor. But she'll sample and you can hear me. She'll be like, let me get a bite of this. And I'm like, and I'm just standing there like almost holding my coat at the register like are you done so i think that's part

of the fun i fucking sean i i know i know if there's a line especially i won't do it if there's no line you know everyone's at the ice cream shop i'll wait for them to pass i can't stand it shout out to sweet action we are all at the ice cream shop together. We're all going to get a sample. I know. It's me being a curmudgeon. How do you feel about frozen yogurt? I feel like frozen yogurt had its moment and now it's not as popular. It's alright.

I'm fine with it. I feel like I don't believe in the fallacy that it's healthier. No. No. Well, not when you make it your own. Every seven years or so, it pops up again, and it's like, oh, trendy frozen yogurt. And then it goes

back in. We're like, oh, no, your ice cream actually washes it every single time. No, I love like a pink berry or some shit. But then it's not ice or it's not frozen yogurt. It's frozen yogurt in six or seven other things. Oreo cookies. Yeah.

Which I like to keep it. I like to keep it fruity because it's yogurt in my brain. I mix them all around. So I don't, I don't do a lot of the like chocolate or whatever on top. Caramel all day. But a scotch. Sean Jordan,

come for your fourth pick. Now this one, this one's going to be measured by the can. And I'm going to go Hormel Chili. Oh God. I wonder if someone would do Chili. I love Hormel Chili.

I always will. And I think I could eat so many cans of it. It's so fucking funny. It doesn't matter what we're drafting. Obviously, because you're Sean. Let me read to you what you've drafted so far. Macaroni and cheese,

tater tots, jalapenos, and Hormel chili. I think I could... I mean, I'm talking like five cans in ten minutes. I don't even know how much that is, but I really think I could I mean I'm talking like five cans in ten minutes I don't even know how much that is but I really think Is that a bean chili or just a beef chili or both? You can do both You can do beans or no wouldn't make a difference to me

I could just eat it I mean I love it I love it more than anyone's dope chili anyone's like bro I got the best chili you're ever going to have I'll take Hormel any day of the week. Sorry to all you chili heads. Of course there is.

Shout out to Chili, shout out to T-Boz and Left Eye. Yeah. The chili record in six minutes. This seems impossible. And actually, Amy, I now want to apologize to you for your take on how much chicken soup you could eat. Thank you. You may be right. Because the record

for chili in six minutes, two and a half gallons. Jeez. That can't, is that AI? I don't know. No, this is on their, this is their website. This is their website. This is Hormel. Oh, this is Big Hormel pushing it. No, this is Major League Eating.

This is Major League Eating. Big Hormel's not involved. Only Big Hormel. Big Hormel. Oh, this is Big Hormel pushing it. No, this is Major League Eating. This is Major League Eating. Big Hormel's not involved. Only Big Hormel. Big Hormel played. He played peewee football with me. He's the only one that went on to the pros. Your body would fill up. Like, your stomach would fill. It'd be up to your throat.

There wouldn't be anywhere for it to go. And you know, I believe myself to have a wiener dog body, so I have to fill for my role. You're like a thermos of chili. You're like a thermos of soup. Exactly. You just fill it to the brim and screw the lid on. Yeah, you know, I got other stuff on there.

When I tell people I think I look like a wiener dog, they're always like, no, you don't. Like, I'm insulting myself. Wiener dogs are adorable creatures. Does that mean like big torso? My wife's got big torso. We always talk she's long, like a long torso. Just long, small limbs, long body. Yeah.

I'm a long torsoed man as well. But I don't feel, I don't identify with a wiener dog. But still small overall. Yeah, right. Yeah, you're still small. I'm gigantic. I feel like a, I don't know. Sometimes like a bear.

Like one of those sun bears you see at the gym. The gym? The gym? The zoo? The sun bears? The zoo? You didn't sound like you were kidding at all. And that's the funniest shit where you're like, wait. It's not doing a bit.

You just mean gay men. Yeah, yeah. You know, sun bears. Yeah. When I'm in Palm Springs at the Equinox. Yeah. We're milk chili, baby. Amy, time for your fourth pick. Yeah. When I'm in Palm Springs at the Equinox. Yeah. Whore milk chili, baby. Amy, time for your fourth pick.

Okay, my fourth pick, maybe again considered an Asian appetizer, shrimp tempura. Oh. Oh. I do love that. And they gotta be, not just any fried shrimp, they have to be fried tempura. That's the one I think I can eat the most of. Dipping in that little sauce. I think I could eat a hundred of those in tempura.

Oh, God. I can see that. I wonder what the shrimp record is in general. Yuck. You don't like, oh, you don't like shrimp. He hates shrimp. Everybody hates shrimp. Man, they're silverfish.

They're not silverfish. Stop it. Yes, they are. Stop with your fucking. They're big, giant silverfish. They're not silverfish. Stop it. They're big, giant silverfish. They're not silverfish. And if they were silverfish... Sean, do you like a tempura

fry? I also hate vegetables. If the warm milk chili didn't get away. Okay, well, your picks make sense. They're like a preschool kid's pick. Amy, I'll tell you this this this record is actually pending review these are not

fried these are not fried this is just shrimp naked so I think we have to like deduct some from the record and it's weight based it's 4 pounds 15 ounces of shrimp in 12 minutes by Eric the Red Denmark Eric the Red

I got a couple of the names for myself. Amy the Tube. You really do. Amy the Tube Silverberg. The Tube. There's also a hamantaschen record. That's amazing. For Purim.

But yeah, four pounds, 15 ounces of shrimp. That is a lot of shrimp. You know, I love shrimp. Now you're making me think maybe I should just go straight cocktail shrimp. Just go straight. That's the fucking move. Oh, God, I love a cocktail shrimp. What's the difference?

Cocktail's just a naked shrimp. Then the cocktail sauce, the red sauce. No. Okay, so just a shrimp. And I like kind of all the medium. I don't like a huge shrimp. A huge shrimp freaks me out. There are shrimps that are a little too big

where you're like, this can't be right. Those langoustines that are like in between shrimps and lobsters. That's when I started to feel a little weird. The shrimp that are so long. I'm like that that the texture is like a baby. Like you're eating a baby. Yeah, I'll take that one.

You give me enough cocktail sauce on three martinis and i will eat 10 000 of those shrimp i was at a wedding uh this this i i've talked about it on here before we went to this insane wedding where the guy's uh dad is a billionaire and they had this massive rehearsal dinner and they had a cold bar just all covered in seafood like an ice sculpture cold. And the amount of times I went over to that thing to eat shrimp was, if someone was watching me, it would go viral. Like the video, if there was video of how many times I went over. The captain's like, look at this guy eating all the shrimp. Yeah, yeah. Mustache man eats 3,000 shrimp in 60 minutes just i just kept going you hold the martini

to it no i didn't i wasn't drinking that i was just eating baby i was just eating but i went over it like every day i would go two at a time come back i'm like what am i who am i kidding two at a time come back two at a time two at a time two and i just ate so many fucking shrimp like running a relay race i was running hundred yard dashes of eating shrimp it was one of the honestly one of the best honestly, one of the best parties I've ever been to in my life. Just for shrimp reasons. Just shrimp reasons alone.

Yeah, that sounds great, man. Shrimp temple is the pick, though. David, time for your fourth and then your final picks. My fourth pick, and this is tricky as far as, like, the rollout would have to be specific but i'm taking fruity pebbles pebbles uh-huh because it can't be you you can't i don't want it i want it by the bowl

i don't want a big giant bowl but you also can't pre-make no the bowls so are you going fresh you don't want the slurry i don't want the slurry i want it right after the milk's poured on it congeals it nicely maybe there's somebody right next to me and they're pouring it because i still want it to be somewhat crunchy this is like a gumball gumball rally situation where there's the driver and the navigator so you've got like the bowl preparer and the eater. Yeah, it's like Dougie Doug in Cool Runnings on the back of the push cart. I think this is act

three. I'm doing it, dude. After we become enemies in the Pork Gills Eating Contest, we have a redemption arc where I help him eat Fruity Pebbles. He's like, I'll stand with you, brother. Yeah, I'm with you. Because my spotter goes down. He goes down and then I walk in.

Handful of gummy bears. Like, I'll help you. Is that a little mini draft? Because, David, you weren't in this one. And Amy, obviously, you weren't either. But is that your favorite cereal? Yes. Okay. Amy, what's your favorite cereal?

I'm not a big cereal girl. You're not a cereal girl? I guess I'm going to go Chex. Chex? That is her favorite. That's why. It's a great texture.

I guess if you count how you can make Chex Mix with them, then all of a sudden it becomes a versatile player. And you get puppy chow. That's how you make puppy chow. Honeycomb. There we go. Don't do this to me.

What? It's not your favorite. Is it still your favorite? Yeah. Really? It will remain my favorite cereal forever. Go ahead and say. I'll say mine first.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch. What's yours? Grape Nuts. Oh. Oh, that. Oh, that. I. Oh, that was, oh,

there was no hiding that reaction. And that's coming from Chex. Yeah, the one time the internet wasn't skipping was the reaction for Grape Nuts. Sitting over there on your fucking mountain of Chex looking down at me

on my little pleasant Grape Nut hill. How dare you? How very dare you? They're delicious. They taste really good and there's an army of us grape nuts lovers we talk we talk behind all your backs yeah about how we understand a fundamental thing about the universe that you don't which is regular poops talk to my cheese pizza graveyard over there i know something about regular poops david time for your final pick oh this is another one where it's just just from being at barbecues and i've really taken down a lot and not paid attention like and at the end of the day like i probably had like 10 of those

i'm taking bratwurst brats off the grill because i'll go in and i'll have like one with a bun and like i'll make a real plate but then the rest of the day i'm just grazing brats we gotta pop brats when we're in pittsburgh come on oh yeah come on at the game forget about it come on with the char are you eating broths with buns or are you doing naked i do the first one or two with buns and then the rest of the day this just happened to me in the park well now i also if you're looking for an endorsement gold star sausages denver-based company black owned i have used you guys for years please call me uh i'm a big fan i go into the i go into the factory or whatever the storefront you know what i mean but uh yeah i the

first one or two to feel civil i go and i get the bun and i dress it up but towards the end of the day i'm just grabbing one out of the pan maybe dip it in some mustard and i'm wrong i i would prefer it without the bun so for competition purposes no bun no bun no bun yeah you get out of that bun you get out of that bun even at a barbecue i'm with you 100% on that like i'm going on the first one on the first one i'll do the pomp and circumstances bun maybe put some mustard on there they got kraut some of that stuff but like everything from there on out it's the broadest doing all the work it doesn't need sorry to our vegetarians i'm a neat girl i gotta taste meat yeah no and it's like it is like

the first plate you have to abide by the rules of the barbecue right but then later on in the day you're like we're outside There's no rules here. I'm in the park. You're just putting your hand in the potato salad. People don't have their shoes on. I'm going crazy. I just saw a bird eat a rat. And I'm out here trying to dress up a bratwurst?

We're in the park. Leave me alone. I might pour the mustard in my mouth first and then put the bratwurst in. I am just kidding. I am just kidding. I'm not a monster I have some the record for this one is insane yeah I know they do the

it's a contest food that's why I was like it might be the grossest thing watching someone dip that bun in water and then putting it in their mouth it's one of the grossest things I can think of to watch these are 2.3 ounce bratwurst now I don't know how big that is compared to a regular are 2.3 ounce bratwurst. Now, I don't know how big that is compared to a regular. That's like a standard bratwurst size. Okay.

The record is 101. In 10? In 10 minutes. Yeah, I can't. Are they just sliding them down? Are they really opening their throat? I think it's similar to hot dog rules, except these might not have a bun. Where does the fucking food go?

Where does it go? 101 brats doesn't fit in a body. Yes, it does. Clearly, Sean. I just it's. I know you have your feelings, but. Facts don't care about your feelings, bro. On the other hand.

God, that's so. I learned something. Is this 19 ounces for all of them? Okay. Yeah, that's so well I learned something is this 19 ounces for all of them okay yeah that's 19 ounces for five

five divided by 19 is a number that I can't think of right now it's about four 19 divided by five I mean four

okay so a little under four yeah all right so these are smaller brats but still still 101 ain't small nothing that's that's so buck Alright, so these are smaller brats But still 101 ain't small nothing That's so buck

Amy They're sliding down I almost picked chips I'm gonna say, because I'm a chip girl I used to say my favorite food was chips Maybe Cheetos, something like that But instead, because I'm a neat person. I used to say my favorite food was chip, maybe Cheetos, something like that. But instead, because I'm a meat person, and this is what I think I can eat more than anybody else,

I'm going to say deli meat. Wow. Particularly turkey. I think I can just slice after slice after slice after slice. Are we doing like a boar's head, like a Cajun turkey situation or just flat? That's like a boar's head. I respect boar's head at my local grocery store.

Yeah, and maybe a little like seasoning on the edge of the turkey slice, you know, when you watch them cut it up. Little pepper turkey. I never feel richer than when i'm at the deli counter and i'm and i get like a pound uh like deli meat and have them cut it up for me that shit makes me feel i guess some people buy houses or something i'm like this will last me like what four or five days and then it lasts me a day and i'm like, how many pounds could I eat in 10 minutes?

Because you feel like you make one sandwich and then you're just going nuts. I don't eat any of these deli meat sandwiches. I'm just eating the deli meat on its own. Oh, you don't even pretend. Okay, good for you. No, I don't even pretend to make a sandwich.

I'll wrap it around a pickle. Oh, there you go. Oh, the wrap around the pickle that's the one that's my little like my constant snack I'm like a beaver I don't know something that like

I'm just chomping away just happily chomping away at a big pile of turkey if you get a slice and wrap some crackers in it, like if you make it like a crunch ramp, but the tortillas, the meat, and the crackers are the whatever, that's kind of fun. You just wrap the

crackers in a big piece of meat. Like wrap the crackers up in meat, like a sleeping bag or something. You're using turkey as a taco and you're making the meat crushed up crackers? Yeah, like triscuits or something. Like you just put a bunch of triscuits in the middle of the piece of meat and fold it over. And then you wrap it around.

You're like a madman scumbag genius. You really are. You and Toscani, the two of you should have a fucking YouTube cooking show together. The two dudes who don't know how to cook? Who don't know how to cook? Exactly. They're crushing crackers with a mortar and pestle. Yeah, with a Williams-Son the mortar and pestle. Yeah, with a

Williams-Sonoma mortar and pestle just out there crushing saltines. I would watch the two of you hosting a fucking cooking show. You're going to want to get your triscuit dust real thin to sprinkle on your baked beans. When I say madman scumbag genius, you know I mean that as a compliment, right? Of course

I do. Okay, good. Yeah, I could take it as nothing less. Well, I would like to take your next pick right to the dome, right? Of course I do. Okay, good. Yeah. I could take it as nothing less. Well, I would like to take your next pick right to the dome. My friend, you're fine. Does, uh, okay.

I got, I got a question. I don't know if this counts. Does pudding count? Is that a food? Of course. Then put it. Yes.

It's a food. What flavor? Chocolate pudding. Yes. Pudding's a food. Well, I didn't know. Cause you don't chew it.

My, my like rubric here was if you have to chew it, it's a food. If not, then it maybe doesn't count. But I don't know. Pudding's right in the middle. But I think I could just really go hard in the paint on a whole lot of pudding. Slurping down pud? Yeah, slurping pud. Like Jell-O pud?

Slurping pud? Yeah. I don't know why, but I hate that. You don't like slurping down pud? Yeah, slurping pud, like jello pud? Slurping pud? Yeah. I don't know why, but I hate that. You don't like slurping down pud? I hate it. Like, it hit me viscerally. My side of the face. What about this?

I could do like a gallon pudding suck. How about that? That also sucks. With a big straw? Just like a jet engine? Easier than an ice cream because it's not giving you the brain freeze. Yeah.

What flavor? Chocolate? Chocolate. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, chocolate. I could maybe get into butterscotch a little bit, but that might be a little much. I really want to try this butterscotch McFlurry that's out there right now. They're doing the right marketing.

Oh, I heard about that. I got a text alert. Dana's sister works at corporate headquarters at McDonald's, and she is in the McFlurry division. They have a McFlurry division. First of all, how the fuck is this the first time that came up? Yeah, I don't know. That's my bad. He hasn't known each other for a while.

That's my bad. I thought we were good friends I'm sorry you married into the McFlurry dynasty she's not ahead but she works in the McFlurry department she's pretty high up in the McFlurry department you've got a job sister-in-laws

yeah Ali Schwartz is going quick oh my god she's also given us like exclude. I have like crazy McDonald's merch. Now I have like a McDonald's palace t-shirt. I haven't had McDonald's all American warmup sweatpants. I'm going to be honest.

I'm fucking pissed with you. I'm sorry. This sucks. This sucks. It isn't cool. It isn't cool that you've taken this long. They'll come to the show. We'll see him in Chicago. We'll see him in Chicago and you can make your own inroads i gotta do it myself

you gotta all right this is why you got married to get me cool mcflurry merch all right i'll work on it i'll send some texts right after this podcast and i mean that but can we at least get like uh like a maybe a a certificate to get a. I'll get it the day after we meet. I will too. I would love that. We should go. Maybe we get a Grammy that grandma the day of so we have to bring it to the show. Eat them up on stage. I have a bad history with bringing food to shows in Chicago.

Yeah, I'm sure all the naked hot dogs in the world are going to show up. Anyway, a gallon pudding suck. That's my last pick. Okay. Time for my final pick. The final pick of the draft. This is one for the heart. This is one that I think I've eaten the most of.

Is it heart? It's heart. Yeah, I know. I know where you're going. I'm eating Panda Express orange chicken. Oh, yeah. That's a great one. Wow.

Put me up against anybody. Put me up against anybody put me up against anybody putting out putting professional leaders aside i have housed so much of this in my life oftentimes i'll get like the panda express triple order and it's orange chicken for all three i don't know why they have other shit there i swear to god i'm like what are you doing with other stuff? I go around the horn. Chow mein's great. I go all kinds of stuff. That chicken teriyaki's great. I like that salt and pepper chicken. Yeah.

I have firecracker shrimp. I go a lot of stuff there. You got to listen to the whole, it's a whole album restaurant. You got to listen to the whole thing. It's like all eyes on me. Cover to cover. Orange chicken, that's my last one. The final pick on the draft.

Isaac, do you have a pick? No, I'm looking at a house right down the street from your house. Do it right. No, I'm looking for a house right down the street from your house. Do it right. No, I'm looking for a house right down the street from your house. No, I drove my Alfa Romeo to your neighborhood and look at a house. No. Surely he's back by now. We've been going for two hours.

Well, he hasn't hopped back on. Well, to recap. To recap the picks that we think we could hold our own in a food eating contest. David, you went first. You took street tacos, Otis Bunkmeyer cookies, pork gyoza, fruity pebbles, and brats. Amy, you went second. You took lumpia, chicken noodle soup, mini meatballs, shrimp tempura, and deli meat. Sean Jordan.

Drafting a meal I believe you've had in the last calendar year. You get me to a buffet. Sure, to cover I think you've had this exact thing cover to cover mac and cheese, tater tots, fresh jalapeno hormel chili and pudding absolutely a lot of wet foods he's a wet boy

suck him down I went last. I took chicken nuggies, gummy bears, soup dumplings, iced cream, and Panda Express orange chicken. Yeah. Really? Really? Buffalo wings are the only thing that didn't make it. And that's like a question of how much meat I leave on the bone.

I looked up the record and it's fucking bonkers. Tell me. It's one of the big ones, right? It's insane. Where I'm like, guess. In what? 10 minutes? Yeah, I think it was a 10-minuter.

Is it number 8? Yeah. I'm thinking that's 200. 150. Let me just make sure the time is right here. I wonder, because those drummies, people can just eat them like a cartoon king. I love chicken wings and I didn't pick them because I knew I couldn't

eat. I'm not somebody who clears all the meat off the bone. Me either. My shit wouldn't count. Sean, it infuriates me. Yeah, David doesn't like it when I eat wings. It sucks. I clean the wings. Yeah, you leave a lot of meat on the bone. Mine come out looking forensic.

You're one of the only people who I would ever say, yeah, just get the fucking boneless thing. I leave like a third of the meat on there. I really do. I'm done with it. Because it gets gross to me. I don't like shit on my face.

I don't like, I don't know. I'm just, I eat the bites around like an apple. I eat wings in private only. Ernie, another private food. I don't think I have any private foods, honestly. Not to repeat a standup joke of mine from from forever ago but this is just based in reality i eat chicken wings like a hostage trying to open a door handle with my mouth like there's a desperation an urgency and a completeness to it like i those things come out so clean i love it i don't got it they could be put in a chicken who needed a transplant when I'm done with them.

Like they're ready to go. Here are the records for chicken wings. In 12 minutes, 281 buffalo wings. Jeez, that's so gnarly. It's got to be just one swipe, huh? But then there's long form chicken wings. What does that mean? Because here's the record of 182.

It's like gymnastics. This guy's like a journalist. Yeah, long form chicken wings? What does that mean? Because here's the record. 182. It's like gymnastics. This guy's like a journalist. Yeah. Long form chicken wings. It's the New York Times long eat of the week. The Hooters Wings Championship is 280 Hooters wings in 10 minutes. I can't believe they still have Hooters. It's so crazy.

You know, the wings are good at Hooters. They are. What's food? Wings are good, man. I don't. There's. I haven't really found a wing that I hate. And the Hooters are good at Hooters too. There you go.

There you go. I feel so uncomfortable at Hooters. I've only been one time and it was, it was one time I've been to Florida. I was in Orlando and there was a Hooters right next to the hotel. We went and I, I was, I just, I was like, I don't. When in the fall of Rome, you know? I don't know. You feel, I felt horrible. was like, I don't. When in the fall of Rome, you know? I don't know. You feel, I felt horrible.

I bet. Yeah. Yeah. The way we want to hear your picks, hit us up at all fantasy pod on Twitter, all fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the all fantasy, everything. Patreon. Thank you for holding us down.

We appreciate you. Hey, if you paid for it, we can get bonus episodes, auction episodes, all of the live episodes from our tour that we are currently on as you're listening to this right now, and so many other wonderful things, exclusive Trailblazer merch sent out to our highest rung, all of that stuff. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Slackity,

the AFE subreddit. Shout out to super producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos blocks from my house this episode. Actually, I'm joking, but it would really light up my life if he moved that close to me. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean.

Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. More important than all that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaladi. that was a hate gun podcast