All Fantasy Everything - Foods That Shouldn't Exist (w/ Langston Kerman)

Episode Date: October 17, 2024

It's a My Momma Told Me crossover event!Guest:Langston Kerman (IG @langstonkerman, X @langstonkerman)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we are drafting foods that should not exist. Our guest today is the very talented stand comedian, actor, podcaster, overall wonderful gentleman Langston Kerman. I'm your host Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends Sean Jordan and David Borey and their stand-up comedians as well.

Feels like we haven't recorded it in a minute. Like two weeks. It's been in two weeks, but welcome to All Fans of Everything, we're here. Yeah, the last one was, it was all a loopy. What a pleasure to be joining you in the hiatus, no less, to break the hiatus. We're breaking the hiatus.

We took it off for the high holidays. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are very important to Sean and David, so we had to take some time. Columbus Day is kind of where I shined yesterday. That's great. That's great. I know that about you. I like that you still call it that.

That's pretty cool. Dude, I went to the post office yesterday like an idiot, and it just ran like big, said Columbus Day, and I'm like, oh, I don't know about you. I like that you still call it that. That's pretty cool. Dude, I went to the post office yesterday like an idiot and it just translated like big, said Columbus Day, and I'm like, oh, I don't know about that. At the post office? It's funny that they have to share. Like the Indigenous Peoples Day and Columbus Day are on the, funny's maybe the wrong word.

I think it's a... I threw a brick through the window, so it's all good. I think it's another step in a continuing pattern. Yeah. I burned it down. I saw a bunch of memes of, what's that senator's name that they call Pocahontas in a derogatory way? Oh, she was a big fan of Ballers.

Elizabeth Warren. Yeah. Elizabeth Warren. Ballers fan Elizabeth Warren. Ballers fan Elizabeth Warren. She's in good company. The sort of MAGA Twitter internet was having a field day with Elizabeth Warren memes yesterday. And I know this was a massive mistake to try to take Columbus Day away from them.

Yeah. Did they have it? I don't feel like anybody was... The Italians loved it. According to that episode of The Sopranos. They really went hard on Sopranos. You're not gonna get me to touch that. The Italians loved it.

And you guys agree, I can tell. They're nodding. It's a podcast. They're nodding. According to that episode of The Sopranos, it was very important to Italian people, Columbus Day, because he was an Italian who sailed on behalf of the Spanish crown. But I don't know, I think they only started caring

once they tried to take it away. Is it? They don't go to school still? Italians? Yeah, they never went, right? They never started. Trade schools. Sometimes they gotta bust them in, but they're there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

They're there, they're breaking uniforms. Yeah. Yeah. Great athletes. Divinity school sometimes. You don't have any Italians on your football team? Good luck. Good luck. Good luck.

Have fun at lunch. What were we talking about? Oh, indigenous, happy indigenous people's day everybody. Yeah. Happy indigenous people's day. To be fair, you start every episode like that. I do. I do.

I got to Isle Sheriff on an airplane a couple days ago And I was saving it for the podcast to tell Shawn please please you know how nice to first of all What's your do you get how do you fly you get heated on flights? No, I'm a pretty chill dude on airplanes at this point. I've built up a good enough relationship with Delta that they put me in nicer places than I pay for. So that keeps you calm. You know what I mean? When you're back at the plane, I will say this,

back at the plane, I forgot the shenanigans that happened back there. And it does get wild. Like headphones, I mean, people standing in the aisle, I'm back there quite often. Now they're rushing. This is like a new culture, but now they rush to the front.

So I feel like that's what we're gonna get into, but that's, I'll make myself big. All right, go ahead Ian, sorry. No, please. Just to go back for a second, Delta, I find myself in the first class section there too, and then it's new problems. Like by the time they got to me with the breakfast options,

everyone had taken the thing I wanted. Oh man. Yeah, you get the bites. People think they want that life. They wanna sit up in first class, but it's like, you're not ready for that level of problems. You think it's gonna fix everything, but no. You bring you to first class with you.

Wait till they tell you they're out of vermouth. Then life changes. That is. That happened to me two hours into a flight to London, and I almost, I almost faked a heart attack, so they had to land the plane. You know what's really fun is when you can open the bathroom from your seat. He'll do it. That's the good part.

You guys need your back on the shitter wall. Then it's real fun back there. That is a bad seat. that is a bad seat. That is a bad seat. I was, that's maybe the worst seat, right? Back to the bathroom. You got people waiting, man. Because you can also feel it.

You can feel that they're shitting. You can hear every flush, you can smell everything that happens. Damn. Yeah. Oh man. You got that extra 20 bucks though. I was not next to the shooter. I was around row 16. Okay. And the plane landed at Burbank International Airport.

And you know, we'd stopped and people started getting off in their rows and the woman behind me was a window seat in a full aisle, window seat, rushed past the two senior citizens and I didn't see this happening, but I put it together afterwards, like rushed past the two senior citizens who were middle-anisle and then got her bag, and I was just standing up to just get my bag as normal. I gave it a second. I'm like, okay, nobody else is getting up. She was one row behind you. One row behind me. I got to get my wife's suitcase down, all that stuff. And she was like, excuse me.

This was the last flight of the day. We landed, it was like 9.30 p.m. There's no connecting flights at this point. This is the end of the day. She was like, excuse me. And like, not that this matters, but like Louis Vuitton duffel bag, Gucci purse. It matters.

Fur coat, I'm like, what are you doing in row 17? First of all, why are you back there in the first place? Lying. She blew a lot of that money on all those items. She should, if she wanted to get off the plane, if that was such a big priority for her, she should have maybe spent that money up in first class. Get yourself a Jansport and be up front.

That's right, yeah. I've done it. I was just like, do you have somewhere to be? She's like, I just want to get off the plane. I was like, well we all. Oh, by all means. We all want to get off the plane. Everyone here.

What are you talking about? Everyone here on this plane wants to get off the plane. Nobody's like hanging out after. We're not like going to break out the car and see you know, like nothing like that's going to happen. I want to see how they clean it. I'm going to hang out. I'm going to. Yeah. I'm writing, that's gonna happen. I wanna see how they clean it. I'm gonna hang out. I'm gonna.

Yeah. I'm writing a TV show set on an airplane. I wanna see what those people in the vests are up to afterwards. Yeah, yeah, do they find stuff? Do they get to keep it if they find it? And she was just like, ah, okay, can I just go, can I just go?

And I was like, you can go when it's all of our turns to go. And anyway, I stayed there. I just stood in the aisle. And she got off the plane eventually. And here's what blew my mind, is that she had checked a bag. So she was rushing to Carousel to stand there. Nobody wants to be on the plane.

I get where she's coming from, but it's like, of course. That's like, it's trap, I mean. It's not that bad. You're not in steerage. No, right, exactly. We're fine. Once you've resigned to the fact that you're going to be there, it's fine.

Like I just sit down. I even get irked when everybody just pops up and you're like, can you just sit down? I don't. It felt so good doing it. I don't know what that says about me. I don't know what part of me that I haven't washed

through therapy enough or developed, but standing there not letting her through in the name of justice felt amazing. Let me say, I'm very proud of you. I think you did the right thing. Shame on her and shame on anybody who does that shit. I think it has become cultural now. There are that like, there is now like a mass of people

who think it's perfectly okay to like hop up and push to as far as they can go until a larger person stands in their way. And that shit's nuts to me. Well, and to pie face two old people too, like you gotta like go over it. That's... They were pretty old too.

These were like some pretty, not like kinda old. These were like some old like. Well I actually respect that a little bit because get the fuck out the way, you know what I mean? They had their turn. Yeah, what are you gonna vote the way I like? No, get the fuck out of my way. They might have voted the way this woman liked actually.

It seems like they may have been keeping cancel with each other. I used to do that. I used to be a run to the front kid before I knew any better, like when I was 20, you know, whatever, didn't fly like. Well you were just like a hayseed from the sticks. Yeah, but I would like, boom.

You got on the plane by jogging alongside it. You're tossing your bag on board. Yeah, you got on the plane because something went whew, whew, whew. And then you just sort of rolled on. Empty 40 full of water, I'm just running to the front. Let me up. 40 full of water is a nasty move.

That's awful. I've done it, it feels bad. I had my Halloween costume one time incorporated a 40 and I would go to the keg every time and fill up my 40 and people got so mad about it. Yeah, that's psycho. They call that a Sioux Falls growler, right? That's a Sioux Falls growler?

Yeah. Fuck. Well listen, we're gathered here today not to talk about my exploits on airplanes, such as they are, but to fantasy draft, foods that shouldn't exist. And you can tell it's been two weeks because I'm doing the podcast entirely out of order. First, let's welcome Sean S. Jordan on Twitter,

Sean Cougar, Mel and Jordan on Instagram, Isaac K. Lee on the Zoom box that we're recording. We don't have a producer with us today, it's you. Yeah, you do, bud, it's me. I'll happily produce, be onscreen talent, I'll do it all. I got nothing coming up. The Patreon, we just got the live Rory Scovel episode up. It's bananas, and then we have a live auction draft

with Adam, Kate, and Holland, so get on that Patreon. If you're not on there, just give it a shot. There's like 600 posts or something. Come on. It's a lot of content. Yeah, dude, that's all dope, so get on there. That's what I got this week. It's a lot of content. Isaac's Tasteful N's all dope, so get on there. It's a lot of content. That's what I got this week.

It's a lot of content. Isaac's Tasteful Nudes on there, of course. Yeah. David Borey's here. Good, but less tasteful. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. About to embark on a tour? We're on a tour.

In the middle of it. You're currently on the tour. Smack dab in the middle of a tour. Are you in San Francisco now? No, I'm at home. Well, I know you're at home. Oh, is this Thursday? This comes out on Thursday. We're in, well I know you're at home. Oh, is this Thursday? This comes out on Thursday.

We're in, oh, we're in Los Angeles. We got Taco from Odd Future and Wayne motherfucking Brady. And Wayne Brady, dude. Shut the fuck up. Wayne Brady's gonna come hang out with us. I swear to God. Really? Those two hang out a lot, right?

Taco and Wayne Brady, those guys? Yeah. I can't believe either. It's gonna be like an NBA jam. Those two hang out a lot, right? Taco and Wham-Bram and those guys. Yeah. It's gonna be like an NBA jam. It's a classic two on two. But yeah, come to that, come in and start the Steel Tour. My mama told me pod on Instagram. Also come see me October 25th through 27th

at Rooster T. Feathers in Sunnyvale, California. I have some jokes. How's that new hour coming? How's it coming? Feels like you're not excited about it No, I it's it's coming. It's I got I'm gonna be up there for an hour and you're gonna laugh and that's Hopefully somebody wears a tight-ass shirt or something, but you know Valley strong start you got a lot of Silicon Valley people, right? It's a strong start. You got a lot of Silicon Valley fans coming out?

Yeah, yeah. I'm huge in the Valley. Yeah, Valley loves David Borey. That dude who gets his blood cycled, that guy's coming out. Peter Thiel. Peter Thiel's coming out. Peter Thiel's funding your entire comedy career.

A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, oh yeah. How you think I got this house, baby? Yeah. It's blood on these hands. Yeah, do that. Oh, go to my special, Birth of a Nation, patreon.com, backslash David Borey.

Go on the Patreon. We got like 70 videos. It's very fun. We're having a good time. People are talking about their sexual awakenings. You know, it's good stuff. You do sexual awakening videos on your Patreon? I'm not awakening people.

I'm just, we're discussing. You're just doing sexual videos. Yeah, but what did you do to prompt that, I guess, is the big question everybody's wondering. Yeah. Oh, I think somebody had, come on, man. Was it the Race Force video? So I think somebody had said something about it,

and then I was like, oh, I had a lot of them, and then people started saying theirs. Wow. Did you put up the Race Wars video? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Race Wars video's hot. He pinned that to the top of the page.

What did you name it? Because I feel like that might've flagged something over at Patreon. Race Wars, a test of wills. Okay. Whoa, you kept it vague the whole time. because I feel like that might have flagged something over at Patreon. Race war is a test of wills. Okay. Okay. Whoa, you kept it vague the whole way through.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah. Me and Jeff Tice got our shirts up. Rob Hayes talking about the other race war and then being like, oh no, you meant this barbecue. I feel like you're gonna get some different kind of SEO traffic now. Listen. Coming to your page I'm just trying to get the traffic will sort it out

Hold on. I gotta let this dog out You guys do your thing we get to talk about this more often than Then then David does but he hates his dog and I think it's so funny. He hates it, but I think he Do you think he does love this dog, but I hate this dog kind of thing? Or do you think it's a genuine hate? I think he grew up without animals. Yeah. And I think that he's doing his absolute best

to be like a good, I like this animal, and there's a deep, dark resentment inside of him for this animal. I love that dog, don't do that. I've seen you with the dog, I think you like it. resentment inside of him for this animal. I love that dog. Don't do that. Yeah. I've seen you with the dog. I think you like it. That's my girl.

I think he loves it in a way that like an exhausted father loves that kid they weren't planning for. You know what I mean? It's like, you gotta work every day. Man, that love. Like Denzel in Fences loves the kids. This is a fifth kid love that you have for that dog. You catch it in a parking lot where they'll just like get the kid in the car seat, shut

the door and they'll just look up like and then they'll walk around to the dog park. Getting her back on the leash. Yeah. Yeah. Just fuck man. Is this gonna be forever is running through Yeah googling how long do dogs live and then feeling bad about it Deborah Cox was one of my sexual awakenings on VH1. I remember sitting- We've talked about that. That's a good video. Sitting on, like,

sitting on the floor in the living room, watching that and being like, what? Mm. This is a different feeling than I get from the Bonnie Raitt music videos that VH1 usually plays. How did you get here? Here's a later one that I had. It's well documented the first one was Tina Turner, but a later one was Janet Jackson in the black cat video.

You guys remember that video? No. No, not black cat. Go ahead. Go ahead. Whenever we get done. Second tier sexual awakening, Rachel Ray from the Food Network. Oh yeah.

That's gotta be disappointing now then. Well, you know. Why? from the Food Network? Oh, yeah. Oh. That's gotta be disappointing now then. Well, you know. Why, does she have bad politics or something like that? No, she's, I think, stayed pretty clean socially. She just has made a physical transformation that is in no way reflective of the journey she started in. I'm on board.

I'm along for the whole ride. I'm along for the whole ride. What a gentleman. I'm along for the whole ride. I'll take all the Rachel Ray you can get. Wow. Good for you. The more. The more. She, the one thing that makes me feel bad for Rachel Ray

is we used to have just CBS on when I worked at CBS. It was on all the time. And she had a daytime talk show that looked like it was lit with an iPhone. It was like the worst Purdue show I've ever seen in my entire life. Segments just kind of ended with no, it felt like they just, it was cheaper somehow

to have that show on than Dead Air. It was really, really bad. I don't know what she's doing now, but. I've heard this story before, and I won't attribute it to any specific person because I think it might give it away too much. But I heard a story about a person who basically struck a deal with a network

where they wanted a fucking daytime talk show. And it was the only way they were gonna like close on a deal, a very different deal that that network wanted from them. And so they gave them a daytime talk show fully knowing they were never going to air it. Like let them shoot multiple episodes of this shit. Just being like, yeah, we're not, we're not putting this out.

This sucks, but give it to him. That's crazy. Yeah. What is it, Supergirl? Is that the movie they filmed and then just shelved? They Supergirl the whole daytime talk show? Yeah, essentially where they were just like, nah, give it to him, that's okay.

Yeah, let him have his thing. Can you say who it is and then we'll just have Isaac take it out? I'm pretty sure if I'm remembering correctly, it's the... but I could be wrong. It was either, it was somebody that's hosting some shit. I would watch that daytime talk show.

So it was either like... or Regis Philman might have been the person, but I don't think it was Regis because Regis obviously had his versions of daytime shit. Yeah, yeah. You'd want him on, you'd want to keep him on daytime. That's, what, do you want him to do a nasty show? No, you keep him daytime.

Yeah, yeah. No, I want Late Night Regis. Late Night Regis. I think Late Night Regis would be a revelation. I mean, he's dead now. So you got to know me, fans. I subscribe. There's a menu on there, another menu.

Do you walk that over and you say, is this your first time dining with us? I'm just joking, I know how it works. I was looking for Manicotti. OnlyFansRegis, you should start, that should be your next Patreon thing after sexual awakenings, it's OnlyFansRegis. We can do whatever we want over there. Langston Kerman is here, at Langston Kerman on Twitter. Also Langston Kerman on Instagram, across platforms.

TikTok, we do it all. On all the platforms, it's at Langston Kerman, because it's a stupid name that nobody wanted. It is. It's a beautiful name. It's... Thank you. It's melodic.

Yeah. It's very regal sounding to me. I like the term. I like the term, the word, the name. See, that's the energy it pulls out of these names. Oh, your name sounds like a term. What's that like? It's got a beautiful syllable balance to it.

The two and two, you know, it's, I think it's a perfect name. Yeah, thank you. You're very kind. Bad Poetry, available now on Netflix. Yeah. English Teacher, available now on, what are we? FX.

FX Hulu. And then Hulu, yeah, now everything's out, so you can watch it all on Hulu. God damn, it's funny. Yeah, it's a fun show. Where the Start the Ste to where right now? We've stolen two cities. We did DC and Chicago.

We got LA this evening when this comes out. And then we have a ton of other places. San Francisco, Denver. Boston. Boston. Portland. New York. Portland, December 15th, I think. Yeah. New York. Boston. Boston. Portland. New York. Portland. Portland, December 15th, I think, yeah. Seattle.

Austin, Houston, Dallas. You guys have any of those Western Canadian cities? You doing like Medicine Hat, Moose Jaw, anything like that? No. That's next. You got next to it. Next to it.

Yeah. We're gonna get all eight black people from Moose Jaw together. They're all coming out. Yeah. Medicine Hat from Moose Jaw together Medicine hat moose jaw also a name nobody wanted Medicine hat moose jaw. Yeah, that's my I'm playing college football 25 right now I just recruited a linebacker named medicine hat moose jaw and he's good My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel across platforms

I have absolutely nothing to promote be wonderful to each other Buy t-shirt swim club my book or rent it from your library. Just check it out. However, however you can That's it. You see how does that work? Do you get a little a little kickback from a library rental you the libraries purchase the books? so yeah, okay, so that counts towards your total. And it's weird, even now like you can rent a book on a Kindle from a library, which is very interesting, but they still enforce scarcity. So someone's like, I'm on a 20 week wait on your book at my library for my Kindle. And I'm like, well, that's silly. How do you return it? You don't

return a Kindle rental. They give you a limited time? You no longer have access to it, yeah. So you get it for like a window, and then it's gone. You know what I'm finding out with a kid is you can rent books from the library, and you just get them until you bring them back. There's no penalty.

No, they don't even give a shit if the pages are ripped. You just gotta walk in and be like, hey, sorry, she ripped it. You rip in the pages? I am, yeah, and then I blame it on them. Sometimes. If there's no accountability here. No face, no...

I need libraries to have a little more self-respect. This is why people aren't going to libraries anymore. This is too desperate. I go in there with a bandolier of grenades. I let them know. Yeah, that's what the library needs, is security standing outside with sunglasses and folded arms. Those little squirt guns. Don't you dare. You can't get in with them shoes, playboy.

Don't go across the street with that Wi-Fi. No hats in here, man. This place is full of pirous. They should have a... The pirous at the library just having a... reading Fear of Flying together. The pirous at the library just having a... Reading Fear of Flying together. Doesn't all have to be about gang banging. I need library, I think you can return the book whenever

and if it's torn it's okay, like, I don't know. I want them to have a little more self confidence than that. I think they certainly deserve more self confidence. I tell you, people would stop going to the library because she wrecks not every book, one out of five. And I'm like, well, if I gotta pay for every one of those, it would get annoying. So I think it happens a lot.

I think they just gotta eat it. Are they at least stern with you when it happens? Are they disappointed? Do they let you know? No, they don't. They're just happy to be happier in there. This is the library's problem. This is why no one's marrying the library.

This is why people will date the library for a little bit and then it's like too clingy. But here's what I'll also say is that while they don't punish you for giving the book back that way, they will send it back out in the exact same condition it was returned in. So they're not, it's not like they're then, yeah, in the back having to tape it and cry about it.

They're just like, did it close? Oh, okay, yeah, you're fine. We will- So you're getting a half-digested book full of some other child's saliva. It truly, the bile and weird rips that you find inside of library books is insane. That pop out where it's like dinosaurs' heads supposed to pop out

and you push the thing and there's no head just because they ripped the head off the guard a bit. Fossilized Cheerios, all that stuff. All right, perfect. Okay, that makes me feel better about the library. And then your kid's like, why is it like that? And you're like, come on, baby, I don't know.

Let's just finish. You know what I do? In every book I write most of the Fibonacci sequence kind of through the book write most of the Fibonacci sequence. I kinda threw the book. Most of the book? Just think you gotta keep the mind working. Keep them wanting a little more. It's for the parents too.

Fibonacci sequence is the other linebacker I recruited on College Football 25. He's good too. What was it? Moose Knuckle, Moose Jaw, what is it? Medicine Hat. Moose Jaw Medicine Hat. Yeah, he's Italian

Sequence One of those Eastern Pennsylvania Italians, you know, oh one of those Italians I feel like we're treading on saying a slur You see I didn't join in I don't think I could say that. But you, Langton was holding up a map of Pennsylvania with a big circle going around the eastern half. Listen, I know which ones you're talking about. Believe me, I get it.

But everything coming out of my square over here is from Isaac K. Lee, it looks like. That's right. Isaac's endorsing all this. But if you want speed on the outside, you gotta go to one of those Eastern Pennsylvania Italians. Otherwise, you're not gonna win a national championship. You're putting the Dukes May-o-ble.

I have nothing to promote, but what I do have to promote is the idea of us fantasy drafting foods that shouldn't exist, which is what we're doing here today on All Fantasy Everything, foods that shouldn't exist. Langston, this was one of your ideas you sent us many. All wonderful ideas.

Yeah, dude. I tried to send you both peaceful and violent ideas for us to unpack, but this, I was excited that you guys picked this. This is great. There's so many foods that I think are a sin against man and God, so I'm glad that we get to do this together. Yeah, I don't think she's happy about some of these.

Oh, very nice. Yeah, Ally woke one of these. This is how we uncover some of Sean's worst thoughts and opinions too, so it's in the full-lengths of special. I felt like Blink-182 signing a record deal, man. Like as soon as I'm going through this, I'm like, oh, I eat most of this stuff. It's not foods that we like or don't like though,

because I like foods on my list. It's foods that shouldn't exist. I was about to say, I think for clarity's sake, there are gonna be foods that I draft that I do enjoy, but I unfortunately recognize this is not what our sweet Lord above us wanted. As I got cooking, that's exactly where I'm like, damn it, dude.

Interesting, okay, good. I have some thoughts on that too. I mostly kept it to stuff I don't like, but now I immediately have like 10 more picks. There's a few that I don't think should exist that, well, whatever. I would love to know how that made you feel like Blink 182 signing a record contract.

I feel like we never quite landed the plane on the simile. I felt like a sellout. I thought that would come across. Maybe I need to be clear with my. Are they sellouts? Like I was selling, no, see I didn't do a record. They're not like Fugazi. I don't think like.

Here, Isaac, Isaac rewind it. All right, I felt like Fugazi signed a record deal when I was making my list. I felt like NoFX, you know, doing... Yeah, they weren't like Nirvana, right? They were pretty commercial from the beginning. Yeah. Their best song is about the nightmare before Christmas.

Spiders! I think they signed their deal at a Zoomies that they were releasing a collaboration with Van Zet. Don't call me out for jokes that didn't hit. Now I'm gonna feel bad all day for not being funny. I'm supposed to be funny. It was funny. And now there's more funny from it.

Look at this. Sometimes funny is an alley-oop and buddy, you threw that up there great. I mean, that was perfect. Kind of like Scottie Pippen signing the wrong contract. You know what I mean? This is what I feel like. Don't do it again.

Now that did happen. That did happen. For sure. And in fact, he did it over and over and over again, which is how he got into this people that he's in now. He has a collaboration. There's this tea company in Portland called Smith Tea, who I love. They make my favorite teas. But Scottie Pippen has a collaboration. There's this tea company in Portland called Smith Tea, who I love, they make my favorite teas.

But Scotty Pippen has a collaboration tea. Is it Scott Tea? And it is not called Scott Tea Pippen, which would be amazing. Whoa. It's called Digits. God damn it, Scotty. Fuck, Scotty.

It was right there. Scotty. And the picture is his fingers! You stupid mother- You idiot! It was right there, Scotty! Scotty! Scotty!

T. Vipman! No, Digit! He called it Digit. What? Do you know why he did that? Because he was a comeback track. Well, because he was famous in the 90s for having exceptionally long hands. That's right.

He had these long fingers that was like popular when we were fifth graders. But like, bro, don't nobody remember your big old long fingers, man. Twenty years later, that's what he thinks resonated from his career is his super long fingers. He would have done better naming this tea Cuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Famous Cuck, Scottie Pippen's tea.

And people would have been like, that's popular. I did this. You should have called it Lars Hieling. That's what I know you for. There you go. That's the writer. Scottie, sorry buddy. I know he listens, so sorry about that, Scot.

Sorry about that, Scotty Pippen. I got the tea, it's a delicious tea, that's the thing. It's also a very good tea. Shout out to Scotty Pippen for his tea. I just feel like if he signed a better first contract, he wouldn't have to do a tea collaboration. But maybe that's not what it's about. Maybe it's just a love of the game.

It'd be fun to do a tea collab, you know? He'd send them. Somebody's just gotta work with him and get, he can't keep doing this. This is hard to watch. Yeah. Scottie Pippen needs a win. I guess his son is in the NBA.

That's good. Yeah, but he's not nailing it. No, he's not. His ex-wife keeps sleeping with more cartoonish. Fortunate. Larsa needs to end up with Luke Longley to complete the chain of indignities. Dog. It's getting crazy.

Larsa, come on, we're going to the game. Or he did the black guy thing. Is he Australian? He is. Lhasa. Yeah, it was alright. Lhasa. Lhasa. Leasa. Leasa. We're drafting. Boots that shouldn't exist. Boots that shouldn't exist. The way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock-paper-scissors, play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, David wins a paper against two scissors in a natural victory flying in the face of God. Whoa. Yeah. It's the only way to play three rock paper scissors. It's gotta be I Man Out. I Man Out. So that paper just dodged this shit out of the scissors

and then we cut ourselves. Smashed into each other, yeah. Makes we love, but. It was fun, I had a good time. Thank you for that. It's part of the Marvel cinematic universe, our games of rock, paper, scissors. They hold them in your head, they're very dynamic.

I felt that it was tender when we ran into each other, which was nice. I needed that. Okay. You think the scissoring, it was a tender scissoring? Feels like that way to me. I You think the scissoring, it was a tender scissoring? Feels like that way to me. I would hope all scissoring is tender.

I don't want to believe that it's, they're getting like violent in there. I was watching Regis' late night show the other day. Oh, okay. I was watching Regis' late night show the other day and the interview he was doing led me to believe that not all scissoring is tender, but. Okay, a Dr. Ruth interview, I like that. That's right.

Thank you, rest in peace. David, as the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you it's a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question. It's like when Donkey Kong throws down one of the barrels.

Huh? Yes! There it is. Yes, it's on one side, it rolls to the other, and then it goes down, and then... There it is. Trying to be concise, concise. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round,

you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I gotta go first. Sean Langston Ian. David. Sean Langston Ian. David and Sean Langston Ian. That is the order of the foods that shouldn't exist drafts. David has the first pick,

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Yeah, we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed, except of course, for my mama told me, on tour now, the Start the Steel Tour. Yeah. Does this feel crazy for you, David? Is this like at the end of the, the boy is mine video

when Brandi and Monica are both on the couch? It's like when your home friends meet your school friends. Uh huh. Oh, I got you. Your home friends already kind of knew your school friends a little bit. Yeah, that's the thing. They've, you know, it's not crazy.

Yeah. It's not crazy. But we are gonna make you choose at the end of the episode. Yep. It's coming, just so you're aware. It's gonna be a big choice. I think Monica. I do, I've thought about it for, I think about it all the time, thought about it,

ever since that video came out and I waffled, but right now it's Monica. Yeah. I think if you were just going off of looks alone, Monica was the best choice. I'm not. Oh wow. I'm going off of hits, I'm going off of voice,

I'm going off general, like what I feel like the hang would be like. I think Monica seems cooler, more fun voice. Yeah. I'm gonna pick Brandi just because of proximity to Ray J. I can't. It would be interesting. It would be interesting.

It's too big of an opportunity to let go of to be able to hang out with Ray J on a nearly weekly basis. You're only gonna see her nearly once a week. Yeah, that's the only reason I was here. They live together, I assume. Who lives with who? That's the real question. Do you think, Ray J, how do you think he's doing economically?

Fine. Very well. You think he's fine? If I'm doing okay, Ray J is doing okay. I guess I've been out of touch with Ray J. What has Ray J been up to? Almost the exact opposite of Scottie Pippen. He never fumbles a single investment. This man has, he created headphones

that were competitive with Apple at one point for no reason at all. Just, they were called Raycon and they like sold like a motherfucker to the point that he- Wait a minute, those are not, I have a pair of those. We all have. Those are not Ray J's. Those are not Ray J's headphones.

They're Ray J, baby girl. And they're collecting dust in my dresser right now. I didn't know that. I'd be wearing them to the grocery store. I can't believe I lost track of Ray J like that. I'm on his Wikipedia right now as the founder of Raytronix. Dude. And what is Raytronix?

Click on the hyperlink with Raytronix real quick. Dude, he has a television network. Yeah, he has Zeus. He has those scooty bikes. Ray, he really has them. We have an episode about it. Ray J's never missed. I need to apologize to Ray J.

Yeah. You sure do. Bunny eyes. Wow. Oh, the glasses, yeah. Yeah. Smartwatches. He was a- Smartphone fans. And you also have to remember,

he was a major investor in VH1 after they gave him that fucking For the Love of Ray J television program. That's right. I wish that you had said all this before I chose Monica so sternly. Yeah, I could not be more in on the branding part of this. Well also you chose with your wallet

when you bought those Raycon headphones, so, you still in? No, so he's still in. No, we got them for free. The savings alone make it worth it. David, in light of this new information, well not for you, but about Ray J, this air of discovery that has now inhabited the podcast, what is your first pick in the foods that shouldn't exist?

It was the first thing that came to my mind. I had to pick it. Haggis. Oh, interesting. Is that like meat? Wow. It's okay. It's savory pudding containing sheep's pluck, which is heart, liver, and lung,

minced with chopped onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and cooked while encased in the animal's stomach. Yeah. How far away from God do you have to be to put those things together? How do you even get to that the first time? That's my thing about an abomination. How do you get to it the first time you were like, I have all this stuff to get, it's horrible.

I actually think I understand how you get there the first time. I think you just keep cooking in the same pot that day and whatever you had at the end, you tasted. Like I get the first time. You put it in the tummy to cook. I think that came later. I think that was, I think first it was what was inside and you're like, this kind of tastes good.

And then you're like, you know, it would be even crazier. They said I won't, so I have to. It's not a big jump from sausage to haggis. If you're already making sausage, if you're already putting things in the intestines. But they're not. They were making pudding. They were making pudding. Yeah, the pudding is the rough part.

It's insane. Pudding fame. The fact that you guys don't see it's insane is blowing my mind. David. No, I think it's crazy. I agree with you. I thought it was a Hall of Fame first pick. It's a great pick.

It's a great pick. But savory pudding is something that I wish we did more over here. Whoa. A black pudding, or even a blood pudding, if you have any of that, it's great. It's sausage. You're shaking your hand over there, but it's basically sausage. Why is pudding, I've never had it to be fair, and I was shaking my head unfairly. Why is it called pudding?

The British definition of pudding is fucking nuts. I don't care what those red coats are doing. Is it like how everything's a biscuit over there? It's exactly like that. Over here, we say pudding and we mean, you know, like the Jell-O pudding, the chocolate, butterscotch, vanilla, tapioca. Or sex. Yeah. If you're feeling adventurous.

Over there, pudding just means, first of all, just means dessert. This is a dessert? So all, just means dessert. This is a dessert? So it's a meat dessert. If this is confusing, after dinner, if you say, do you feel like pudding? That could mean almost anything. Yeah, that's not right.

That's not right at all. It could mean ice cream, it could mean a tart, it could mean some sort of baked good, it could mean a pudding. I've never done any of those blood and black puddings for that exact reason, and I'm ashamed to not have known that. I think it's an excellent way

to open up your life a little bit more, you know, now that we're all getting a little bit older, and the world seems less full of magic and discovery. So what would you compare it to? Is it like a stew? Like, if you compared it to something I might know. I'd say it's like a loose sausage. Sounds fine. It's like a looser sausage.

Blood pudding is like a looser sausage. It does have blood in it. See now you're going backwards now. Yeah, I was about to say, is this active bleeding? What do you mean? No, it's cooked. Cooked in? It's cooked blood.

Yeah. Yeah. Why, what are we doing? No, I know what you're, what is, I asked for something. What is suet? I don't know what that is. You said suet. I think it's like lard.

Okay. Here's what I'll say. I think if the English were better at cooking in any other way, I would be willing to explore their bloods and black puddings. But they're so bad at cooking in every other form that I just presume this is also going to be garbage. I hate to do this again.

I have to come to the defense of the British with their food. This is psychotic. This is nuts. This is nuts. They eat beans for breakfast. Why is working forever, isn't it? This is nuts. This is nuts. They eat beans for breakfast.

Why are we doing this? What's wrong with beans? We are not doing, look, he's doing it again. You're getting him going. What, just because we decided that you don't get to have beans for breakfast, we're automatically right about that? Yes. Yes.

Yeah. Some stuff America got right. There was a reason we left. Breakfast is the best thing we got. Beans on toast. If you have beans on toast, it's pretty good. And then you throw a little sausage on there too. It's not bad. It's unwily. It doesn't even make sense.

Bro, you could have regular toast, and you know it's better. It's just... Be that as it may, but the be... It's just... I like beans. I've never had beans on toast. I'll do it. Are we talking baked beans? Yeah, we're talking baked beans. Yeah, but not the baked beans that you know and love.

Not the kind I'm used to. Yeah, it's not what you think it is. They are worse beans. They are worse beans. But you hit them with that HP sauce, and it's going up a couple levels. What is HP sauce? House of Parliament sauce? Rage a It's a lot I will say a lot of American opinions

about British food came from when Americans were in England the most, which was during World War II when they were just like off a 10 years of rationing. So they were like cooking boots in big pots and like that's what they were eating. But not known for their culinary delights, I will say that. Come on, that's why they had to leave. And haggis is too many things going on at the same time. I mean, it's a good pick

Yeah, it's a great thing. I the picture is Jarring I came across it last night in my research You know, it's bad because even though like food photography pictures that are supposed to make it look delicious fail at that Yeah, yeah that are supposed to make it look delicious fail at that. Yeah. It looks like shit. It does. It looks like a six-year-old just went nuts. They don't have the right... We don't have the technology to fake that food to look cool.

You know what I mean? You can make a Whopper look like the most delicious thing that's ever existed on this planet Earth, but you can't make haggis look Yummy, it looks like blood. It looks like that. Yeah Hit us up. Yeah, if you want to defend haggis Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram And send them your pictures send them pictures of your poop and say, see, it doesn't look like this.

See, you're wrong. Send David poop pictures. David fought to name the My Mama Told Me tour, Bring Me Some Haggis, the Bring David and Played of Haggis tour. That was my pitch. Yeah. Somebody's gonna bring you haggis.

Oh, yeah. I fucking hope not. I don't think they are. And I think our fan base is not exactly the Haggis group that's gonna show up. I think an AFE fan is going to infiltrate your tour. Oh, that'd be nice. And I think they're gonna play the Haggis. I think that's what's going to happen. I think that would be a worthy sacrifice. That would be tight. Are you gonna eat it?

Um, no. No, I'm not gonna. I would take a bite. There's nothing on this list that I'm gonna eat. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm not gonna eat it. I'm that would be a worthy sacrifice. That would be tight. Are you gonna eat it?

No, no I'm not gonna. I would take a bite. There's nothing on this list I wouldn't take a bite of. I can say it before even hearing the rest of the picks. I would take a bite of anything. We barely trusted our fans to make us cake. We can't afford to be number one. Well, I ate it immediately.

Yeah, but we both were like, this is a mistake. We shouldn't do this. Well, enjoy the haggis. It might happen in Portland, Sean, but you might be there anyway. Oh, I can bring you a haggis. I can, oh, shit, I can do it. I'll be there.

I'm excited. Yeah, bring us haggis. I will bring you a haggis. Sean, time for your first pick. Edible underwear. Damn, right? Interesting. I had that. No reason. I've never had a bite. I had that. Yeah, no reason.

I've never had a bite. I would take a bite of it, but I don't see a world where someone puts it on and I'm like, God, I'm gonna eat that off you, girl. There's no way. Oh, in the world she's putting it on. You never thought about. They make edible boxer briefs?

I think so. All right. No, I don't want anyone to eat them off. Also, you can wear panties. I don't. I can't. I don't know that I ever imagined that they were for men. I thought they were exclusively for women. I always thought women, yeah. Open it up, fellas.

Not if you want me to eat those off you. You keep it closed. Edible and they're like, it's like hickory smoked. Like there's like masculine flavors for them. Yeah, whiskey underwear. I got this tanned leather edible underwear. These are called campfire boxers. These are called Mee-Maws mashed potatoes. That's weird.

Why are you crying when I eat them up? That's a good point. I didn't even think about the edible underwear. Great choice. They're made out of what, like fruit roll-up material, it looks like? Yeah. I believe so. I imagine they gotta be a little stretchy.

There's no, yeah. But there's not a ton of give. I feel like there's not enough give to put them on. To go over the hips, right? They, you, I've never, I bet it's like a diaper. Yeah, I've never seen it there You know what I mean, I bet you put it on at the crotch and then You're right. Oh

You think you hook it underneath by under your children or your um, well could be that Like a diaper, you know, oh what he's's saying. You pull it out and then... I get it. Yeah. Nothing sexy about that. Which again, the setup alone of handing you this product and then waiting patiently as I know you struggled to put it on sort of makes it all a turn off that I can't get past.

It's not that I wouldn't eat it off of you. In fact, I'd happily do it, but in the world that I could't get past. It's not that I wouldn't eat it off of you. In fact, I'd happily do it, but in the world that I could do it, you would have had to have them on all day, and that's fucking- Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's where it gets bad. If you're like, I'm gonna go put them on.

If I had a boner that whole time, I'd be like, oh, I'm nervous. I don't know why I've been hard this whole time. I also don't think this is something that's leaping off the shelves. So once you start chewing it, I think it's gonna take a while They made one order in 82 and they're like, yeah, those are the same ones from Eat the whole thing, right? Well, that's rude if you don't you gotta finish your man He's so old-y. He's done fucking, he just got to eat.

It's like a dad making him. You get that too much saliva thing? A dad making you smoke the whole pack of cigarettes. It was a form. The food sex crossover has never been of interest to me. I never even, never even kind of wanted to do it. No. Yeah. I think as far as I can imagine it,

with like a nice juice by the side of the bed, that seems like that could be cool, but no. Like a refreshing, like a, let me take a pause for a second, refreshing juice. Yeah, I just get a nice like pineapple nip and then I get back to the business. That seems nice. Yeah, I just get a nice, like, pineapple, you know, nip, and then I get back to the business. That seems nice.

Yeah, I don't want. That's just juice, though. Yeah, yeah. I remember that song Peaches and Cream made me think everybody had to pour everything over women's bodies to have sex. Yeah, no, you're right. I've never had that fantasy.

Pop culture really did lead us to believe that that would be more commonplace. It's never happened. But maybe. I like it mostly, I like most of the situation to be dry in fact, except for some key elements. That's interesting text. That's one of them. That's very interesting text.

Okay. I'd rather not. You chose risky language to communicate that I'd say. I would have tried to figure out another word for dry. That's why I said except for killings. Like, you know, there's an area. The rest, I'm like, no, I don't want to be slipping and sliding. I'm all good.

You don't want to be slipping and sliding. That's the point. Except for my whole spot. When I don't slip and slide, I'm embarrassed. Yeah, I know. Oh, I'm sorry. This has never happened to you before Like a dry you wanted to feel like you're trying to get a trailer hitch onto a towing knob that's kind of the vibe You're going for like we're at a fair

Or hiking Or hiking. You want it dusty. Oh man. Yeah, edible underwear. Great choice. Sure? Sean Jordan likes his sex like someone trying to get a sandy foot back into a shoe

after they walk along the beach. That's so. I said most of it. Most of it. Edible underwear. Langston, time for your first pick. Okay. I'm kind of a fan of the word, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna of it.

Edible underwear. Langston, time for your first pick. Okay, I'm picking this, and again, we've talked about our choices and how our preference is for it. Blue raspberry slurpee. I love drinking blue stuff. And I say blue raspberry slurpee to sort of pin it down in a single location,

but I think blue raspberry flavoring in general falls under the category of food that should not exist. Are there blue raspberries? No. No. There are not. No. They just do that to you. I feel like you guys all feel like you just let me down.

Oh no, Sean, there's not. What a great, I thought they were way all feel like you just let me down. Oh no, Sean, there's not. What a great, sincere question. I thought they were way up north, you know? I thought if I just kept driving, I'd find him, but I guess not. Buddy, that color blue doesn't exist in nature. That's the problem. And it's, I, listen, it's come up before,

I love to drink blue stuff, but I know it's bad. Yeah. Did they do that to create a visual distinction from cherry? I think so. They had to, because those are still like the two main flavors, right, of Slurpee? And did they think then was the next level of thinking raspberry sounds more appetizing than like blackberry

or blueberry, because it's not like the raspberry flavored thing tastes so much like raspberries that you're like, this is raspberry. They could have called it the blackberry slurpee. It's interesting. I wonder if it's because blueberry is not as attractive of a fruit in general, right?

Like it sort of is a milder fruit for most people and there you could take it or leave it. Nobody's favorite fruit is blueberry, but it's some people who fuck with raspberry. Raspberry is sexy. It's a sexy fruit for sure. Little too wet for my liking, but I hear you. I bet it is.

I bet it is. It's like a dryer fruit, like a blueberry. I bet it is. You know you just get a blueberry, it's everything it is one of those things that it dawns you dawns on you as an adult that you're like Oh, no, I shouldn't be drinking that Yeah, no, it's bad. I used to, we talked about this before, I used to drink Blue Hawaiians in college and that's...

Yeah, yeah. That's bad. You're not supposed to drink that. Nothing in that concoction is for the human body. Makes your teeth hurt. Yeah. You can feel it. Like you can feel your teeth hurt.

And it's an interesting feeling. I have a similar pick for my first pick, so I'm just gonna make right now so we can stay in this vein interesting feeling. I have a similar pick for my first pick. So I'm just gonna make right now so we can stay in this vein. And I'm taking the study delight for my first pick. Yeah, dude, also makes your teeth hurt like crazy. I was hoping we were gonna get some liquids on here. And what is it? What is it?

Sugar. No one's ever told me what it's like. What is it? I would try to convince my mom it was orange juice. Yeah. I think that was the game we were all running to convince my mom it was orange juice. Yeah. I think that was the game we were all running to try to get it into the fridge. But they've.

It's orange juice, but with the consistency of dimetap. It just is. It's almost chewy. It's just wrong. I feel like if you could concentrate it hard enough, you could chew it. Yeah. It tastes like something is wrong.

Yeah. Like when I taste it, I'm like something's wrong. Not even wrong with the Sunny Delight, like it gives me a sense of concern and foreboding when I taste Sunny Delight. They're still cranking it out too. You still find it in stores. You know what's the weirdest to me

is that not only did they have Sunny Delight, then they made it even more vague by making California style. You remember that? Was that the red stuff? The red stuff, right? I do not remember that, no. He made it with the red. I did, the red shit.

California style was what they went in on. You guys don't remember California style, sonny? I do. I don't think I do. No. Sean does, oh yeah, oh yeah. If I'm thinking of the right stuff, it's red and it's like plummy and horn, like.

No, Calif, it's not red. The container was different though. Yeah, it was, oh, they had a, weird, they had a Florida style and a California style. Wow. Yeah, I'm seeing it. It was like a lighter color, the California style. Oh, was it like, oh, in California,

they're on diets all the time? I think Florida, I think it's like FDA regulations. Like in Florida, they can get away with a lot more. So Florida style is like all the chemicals are in there. All the ones that make bird egg shells thinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And change your DNA if you drink too much of it. All of that stuff.

In the California style, they had to remove a couple of them. It seems like California style in that exact way, they had to just put out real juice. Yeah. They were like, all right, everything else we're going to bullshit with. Yeah, this is actually just orange juice. This is just for real orange juice because the Californians, they're mad at us because we said that this was juice. But y'all, we'll give you the bullshit, Florida.

Yeah, Florida's just got lean. That's what theirs is. Florida's, don't tell me what I can't have a drink. Liqueur hydrocodone. Ron DeSantis. That's who the D is. Give me some of that Ron Ron. We call that a Shirley future.

It's really cool. Yeah. There is Sunny D vodka seltzer. I've seen it. Oh, that's not right. I'd go nuts on that. That's brand new. Yeah, I'd get it. I've seen it. That's not right. I'd go nuts on that. That's my opinion. Yeah, I'd get it.

I'll drink it at Sharpie's wedding. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Sunny D, that's my first pick. It just should not exist. God is upset that that exists. I think that's fair. And I don't know why we had to come up with it.

Nobody was asking for it. Nobody. I often think that these things are not created by demand, but more accident. I think more often than not, these things are just like, somebody was mixing chemicals and realized you could taste it, and it wasn't that bad, and they were like, all right, yeah. They were trying to make like a coolant for fighter jet engines.

100%. And actually created coolant for fighter jet engines This was meant to be new solution for contact lenses and they were like actually you know what What a sunny day in my eyes Are you on the wiki page still can we guess what year it was invented? Oh, let me go over there I right. I feel like it's a strong 91. It's always earlier than you think though. I'm gonna say like 82. Whoa. I'll take that.

You know what I mean? I'm gonna take the under. I'll go 75. Damn. You're not gonna believe this. What? 1963. Bro, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, were they like the Romans had Coca-Cola and you're like, no they did not. What are we doing? When did Kennedy Yeah, were they like the Romans had Coca-Cola and you're like, no they did not. What are we doing? When did Kennedy say we were going to the moon? When did we go to the moon? 1664? After he took a big old swig of Sunny D is what he... It would have one of those...

You know how they used to can Hawaiian Punch? Those beers have. Sunny D used to be canned. They weren't even trying to put it in a juice bottle. Lot of iron. I believe that. 1962, September 12th, 1962, John F. Kennedy says,

we choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. One year later, Sunny D comes out. Yeah, you tell me that's an accident. That's not a question. They heard that speech and they weren't inspired. Oh, we're doing hard stuff now?

Yeah. Keep inching along in your metal coffins, you sheep, okay? And they weren't inspired. Oh, we're doing art stuff now? Yeah. Keep inching along in your metal coffins, your sheep, okay? Tell me if that's a good one today. I thought we were just playing. I didn't know we were working on it. All right. I'm on it.

Bam, sunny to light. The Russians made it, dude. I wouldn't be surprised. It was a race to California style My second pick I'm going to go this is the okay Cashew milk. I'm keeping in the liquids. Whoa Why do we go that far? Mmm, I don't No more than a month ago.

Milking a nut is crazy. Almond milk shouldn't exist for moral reasons. The amount of water it takes to grow an almond, and then you're turning it back into a liquid? Stop it. Is that, okay, that's why they say it's not as green as we think it is, right? Is that basically our...

I just learned all this at High Plains. If you want to hear me get taught all this, sign up for the Patreon. It's on the Rory episode, right? I that basically our... I just learned all this at High Plains. If you wanna hear me get taught all this, sign up for the Patreon. It's on the Rory episode, right? I didn't know any of this stuff. Oh, maybe it is, yeah. Yeah, it is. It takes so much water to grow an almond,

and then the almond then gets turned back into a liquid, far less than the water it took to grow. It's like two gallons per almond, is how much water it takes, something like that. Yeah. Is regular milk bad for you? Yes. That's a complicated question.

Well, cause people are saying it's bad for you again, right? Cause it wasn't for a while, or they were saying it wasn't, and now it's bad for you again. I think bad for you is a little bit of a weighted word, but I think what we now understand is that it's not nearly as good for you as it was pitched. It doesn't do a body good like the whole campaign. It like, you're not getting stronger.

Your bones aren't getting better. It truly is at best a net zero in your body and probably something worse than that. I have broken so many bones and I have drank so much milk in my life. I always like when I was a kid, I broke my leg seven times through my like late teens to early twenties. I'm like, I was a kid, I broke my leg seven times, through my late teens to early 20s. I'm like, I'm drinking milk. So, yeah. There's actually studies that show that

it causes more brittle bones than it... Studied my ankles, playboy. It's also because you broke all those bones because you were sucking it out of the cow, right? Like you went to the field. Why are you putting on your hockey goalie outfit? Hello, baby. Like you went to the field. Why you putting on your hockey goalie outfit? Oh, Bessie!

A lot of that was running away. Shonny's hungry! Alright, somebody gave me my helmet. I'm fucking thirsty. You hopping fences with a bowl of lucky charms under your arm? Yeah, man. That's a lot of that's on you, dude. There were healthier ways to get milk. Just come back like, hey, there's no milk in their butts, if you guys are wondering.

Doesn't come from there. She's bone dry, just the way I like it, fellas. Yeah, it's a deeper complex than I knew. But cashews, just for the sheer audacity of the different nuts we're getting to, when I saw cashew nut milk at the store, I'm like, cashews? Are we gonna get peanut milk? And if not, why not?

I don't hear nut milk a lot without laughing, so. Nut milk. The more you keep saying it. Nut milk. You think I'm lying about it? She is at preschool, I can laugh at this stuff. Yeah, there's just too many. There's milked walnuts. There's milked hazelnuts. Calm down. That actually sounds okay to me.

They're all damn great. I'm sure they taste good. I'm sure they're good. I'm sure every single one of these nut milks are delicious. The only one that seems like it would be disgusting would be peanut milk. I don't think that seems like it would be very good. No, you don't want peanut milk. It seems like too much of a real flavor. You know what I mean? Like we know what that flavor is.

We already have nutty stuff. Yeah, we don't need that. Unless peanut milk tasted like peanut butter, but then that feels like that's flying in the face of what nut milks are intended for. What about honey roasted peanut butter? If someone has tried to experiment with peanut butter milk, just stay away.

Yeah. Well, that was your DJ name, right? It just doesn't. It doesn't do it. Charisma in peanut butter now? Well, you're like, okay, if I'm putting some Hershey's syrup in here, maybe I put some Jif in here.

Yeah. It don't mix in though, right? No, not at all, not at all. Then your mom says, ah, why'd you waste all this? Then you just got milky peanut butter at the bottom of your cup. I was trying to make Reese's milk at home.

If you put it in a blender. And drink it out of the blender? My wife doesn't get home until six. Just for that one's sake. Report back. I mean, I have almond butter in the house. I might try to make Yourself almond milk Yeah, it seems like it seems like it's not impossible But maybe this is one of those where you you're gonna ruin your life

You know what I mean? Like if you want to keep your family you got it not You got to not make peanut butter milk in the blender. I found out that oat milk with coffee tastes like chocolate milk, and so now I can't stop doing it. I am hooked. It's so much better than having a little rig. Just a little sugar.

I don't give a shit. You're full of beans, bud. Well, at breakfast I am. I heard you earlier. Langston, time for your second pick. Oh, thank you. I'm very, I'm a little torn now because of the trends that I'm sort of seeing

in everybody else's choices. But I think I'm gonna follow a little bit of, no, I'm gonna stay where I'm at. Spam. Damn it. Spam. Get that the fuck out of here. I don't know what it is.

Nobody knows really what it is, but Jell-O meat is a mistake. And it is wrong and it shouldn't last nearly as long as it does. Nothing about the byproducts being able to sustain themselves over a millennia makes sense. Spam, shame on you. That's a choice that I stand by.

Another pick that's so delicious though. So good. I've never had it. I've never had it. What? Yeah, never had it. The image of it is too much for me to overcome. Ian, I'm with you.

That shit is amazing. I love it. It's so good. Spam at breakfast. You fry it up thin, fry it up thin, put it on a sandwich. Musubi? Spam musubi?

Oh yeah, that shit goes crazy. So good. Thin, fried up thin, put it on a sandwich. Musubi, spam musubi, it's like spam sushi. Oh, it's so good. You can get it here at like, at like Genie's and shit. I think at like some of these Portland breakfast spots, they sell spam dishes. I've never stepped through it. Spam and eggs. Spam and eggs is so good.

Can I pitch you a conspiracy theory? I'd love that. I think they are artificially limiting the expiration date on spam. So if you go look at a can of spam at the grocery store, its expiration date will be like, like it's less crazy than you think. I know what you're saying.

It'll be like July, 2025, and you're like, oh, it's only good for a year. Well, that's not crazy. I think at some point they were like, we gotta rein that in. We can't tell them it's 12 years. a year. Well, that's not crazy. I think at some point they were like we gotta rein that in We can't tell them it's 12 years. Yeah, I think they said like because I think that's the truth I think it's good for years and years and years and years and people were like, oh, I don't want to eat anything That's like as an expiration date, you know a decade from now

That makes sense. That would be off-putting if it said it right there like expires I would eat spam out of a World War 2 time capsule right now 100% That makes sense that would be off-putting if it said it right there like expires in World War two time capsule Just the ground notes Can of spam out of the hand of a skeleton and even It is an abomination when you seeam out of the hand of a skeleton and eat it. It is an abomination. When you see it out of the can, like when you get a can of Spam and you unsheathe it, it's that.

Because it's got the ridges still, right? It looks like it's in the can. It's so bad. Yeah, for the most part, you don't want food that sounds like, like when it comes out of something. For the most part. I can't do it guys. I believe, because too many people have told me

that it is delicious, that it is, but I can't, I can't. It's crazy. Yeah, I feel you. I kind of, probably I never tried it, just was like, ah. I was like you. I don't need to. My auntie married this guy from Georgia, Stacy, good guy, taught me a lot of great stuff. And he made me my first fried spam and egg sandwich.

And I was like, this is insane. Wow. Is it gelatinous in texture? Not at all. It's almost like a... It looks like cat food. Like you could mush it up with a fork. Kind of like a corned beef style texture, sort of, like cat food like you could mush it up like a corned beef style texture sort of like

But you can crisp it up. That's why it's so good. It's like frying bologna you crisp it up And then it's like a like a like a more complicated bacon it is It's pork shoulder and a lot of other stuff, but it's So I was I know it's not They would've said that. They would've been like, this is pork shoulder. The, like, color through of it, like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it looks like it was a bunch of shit compressed.

Yeah. You can see the bone in there. You can just see stuff floating. You know, like, this is... You can't see stuff floating. Hot dogs at least lie to me. They grind it up so fine that you can't even tell. Spam's like, we didn't even work hard on this. We truly, it's real.

You can see the grid. What did they say? It's got purchase. So Spam is made by Hormel. And know the the armor company who make other meats. They're another meat company. Treat is the name of their spam competitor. T-R-E-E-T. I was just about to say when you get into the knockoff spams, Yeah, like the luncheon meats where you got to open it with the key then it gets it gets bad prem Prem is another one

Prem treat and spam that's not good The big I'll say this if you've reached a low point where you have to go generic for your spam Yeah, we got a we got to work on something else Whatever you're whatever you're currently doing, you gotta make a change. Did spam ever get designer like Dickies right now? Where it's like, oh, we can charge way more. They didn't, because people like it. See, it's popular, you know what I mean?

I feel like you can get it in Hawaii, like at restaurants and stuff. Because it's huge in Hawaii. I'm sure some chef has been like, this is spam, and I've tried to treat it like a expensive food kind of thing, you know, but. Yeah, his name is David. You're saying that way.

Damn, his name is David, isn't it? I'm telling my girl, like, I promise this isn't gonna be what you think. I got creme fraiche. Yeah, I think a lot of places have made it elevated, but I don't know that it's ever made its way out of the dollar store. Do you know what I mean?

Like it remains at the price point it's at, much like Arizona iced teas. It's more expensive than you think. Oh really? That's what I'm saying. Yeah, it's more expensive than you think. Cause in my mind it's like under a dollar, but that's not true.

No, cause I keep a can on me. Like I just keep a can in a pantry. I got that thing. I can't comply with it. And every time I go to buy it, I'm like, this is not, this sucks. When I was working customer service at Best Buy, and this is the tangential to this pic,

but I feel like spam eliminates this from contention and forgive me if it doesn't. But the only thing that getting me through those days was a little can of Vienna sausages that I would eat on my break. See, that's where I can't go with you. I hate Vienna sausages. I love a Vienna sausage.

I can do Vienna sausage. You can do Vienna sausage. That's nuts! It has water in there! There's water in there! That's disgusting. It's disgusting. Opening a can of shit with water and food, no.

Agreed, I hate being in the sausages. It is disgusting. I know, you're a man who eats canned, you eat canned tuna's the only seafood you eat, and you're telling me wet food is disgusting. Get your house in order. It's the only seafood you eat? Listen, I can eat, I hate, it'll come up,

Charlie, you wanna fucking talk, we'll talk. It'll come up in a bit. It's gonna, it's bad. My thoughts on seafood. Well, it's time for your second pick, so why don't we go ahead and talk. All right, ghost peppers. What?

Whoa. I don't think ghost peppers should be around. There's no point. You can't do people. It's just too spicy. It's so stupid. It's like that Hefe shit where you're like, I can handle I

Can handle a lot of hot food and I enjoy it. I really do I enjoy it when it gets to like your nose bleeds and shit. I don't Anyway people get bloody noses you watch people eat ghost peppers on the internet maybe they're doing other stuff to help with the bloody nose, but it's like shit's on cocaine and ghost peppers is it I hope not. Cocaine and ghost peppers is a... A little blow before they... Let me in on that. I think that's where you get eat a ghost pepper confidence is a little bit of cocaine. If there was a feeling I could like distill cocaine to, it's I feel like I could eat a ghost pepper right now.

Should we go eat some ghost peppers? You just do a big rail like, all right, so ghost peppers right now. David, you are high. Stop it. It's Christmas, man. You got to cool it the fuck out. Yeah, just there. Like any food I got a sign a waiver for

You know what I mean? No, thanks. They got the ghost pepper burger at Killer Burger. Got a sign a waiver Mm-hmm Wow On the ghost pepper Wikipedia right now Is it a red as a rapper? In Northeastern India the peppers are smeared on fences or incorporated in smoke bombs See what I'm saying? As a safety precaution to keep wild elephants in the distance. Now, elephant weaponry, that's scary.

We're not eating gunpowder out here. Yeah, no thanks. So ghost peppers, they're not natural, right? They're made, they don't grow anywhere. No, they grow. They grow. Did we start growing them? Like, did we do some shit that made them start growing places, or did they just naturally?

I think they are the product of genetic cross-breeding. That's what I'm saying. So like... Which is an abomination. Oh, yeah. That's fair. So ghost peppers weren't like apples, where they just were. Like they were never just ghost peppers, right?

Well, apples are a product of... Apples are crazy. What isn't? Wait, you got, well, that's the hard part, right? Is that like some of these things sort of build themselves, right, that like in nature they find a way, it's how lemons and limes can somehow grow on the same fucking trees and shit. It's weird, natural shit happens,

but there are also things that we create via like, oh, a man in a lab just wanted to see what he could do. Yeah. And I think they're closer to that. They're closer to that than apples. Okay. Yeah, I think so. If they're growing naturally, I apologize somewhere, but.

Apples, again, are crazy. In my research, I found that apples are bad for you I'd like certain apples are bad for you, which ones I didn't do Don't think apples are bad for you, you don't want to eat ten apples I just saw something in passing that was like 15 foods that are bad for you and apples, like certain kinds of apples were one of them. I didn't dig any further.

You know what that is? That's those weird fitness articles that are like, these things, you thought this was going to help you lose weight. Don't put this in your body. But it turns out this is actually going to make it worse. And it's like, but it's not. You just, you're trying to scare me into eating a real specific diet. That isn't correct All right, Isaac Isaac make everybody AI agree with me that apples are bad for you

So we can start spreading the bad apple propaganda, which is another that's the nose tackle We're building the The the but app like I don't want to get too far into apple breeding but like if they have an apple they like That's that's our podcast But like an apple has to be grafted if they like the kind of apple you can't rely on the seeds from that apple It has to be a graft from the plant that produce the apples they like so like be a graft from the plant that produce the apples they like. So like every honey crisp apple out there is from a graft of one tree that happened to produce

that apple that they liked. But if you plant honey crisp seeds, I don't think it'll grow an apple that tastes exactly like the honey crisp you just ate. What do you mean, you just shave off some of the bark and plant that? I don't, like what do you graft? They like have to take a stem or something like that. What do you mean, you just shave off some of the bark and plant that? I don't, like, what do you grab?

They like to have to take a stem or something like that. I think it's something crazy like that. That's wild. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, I knew all that, but yeah, that's nuts that you knew it too. Yeah. Well, I'm pretty deep in the apple game.

Clearly. I just don't know that there are any fruits or vegetables that aren't some version of modification and it's just a question of how much we're willing to graft or not graft to get us there. How bad do you want it? That's right. How bad do you want it?

Ghost peppers, very hot, very hot. Thanks, bud. David, how about your second and third picks? You like them. I do, big fan. I have a ghost pepper hot sauce that I think was made by Marshall's hot sauce that is delicious. It is amazing I love that one. It's about as ghost peppery as I can get is that specific hot sauce. Yeah Dave time for your second third picks cottage cheese

Fuck out of here. We shouldn't have figured out cheese. Now we have to cut it with acid and dry it out? That's nuts. I think we got the cottage cheese first. How did we get here? How did we get here? Somebody barfed? You think cottage cheese came before dried out cheeses?

I am basing that on nothing, but I'm going to throw that out there. I feel like you get the cottage cheese before you get the hard cheese. I feel like it's so deep down the dairy hole. When are we gonna get off cow's dicks and start making our own fucking food? It is wild. It's nuts. It's nuts. It is the worst texture of any food. I've been eating it recently, and even when I eat it, I'm like,

I don't think I'm, I don't think this is right. You know that's bad. You know this is bad. You can't think about it while you're eating it. That's the key for an abomination. Every bad activity I do, I can't think about while I do it. It's good, though. It's good though, it tastes good. Little pepper on there.

You put some herb in there. Yeah. Oh, you go savory with your cottage cheese. I could have a full meal that's cottage cheese. I could start with an appetizer and then I could move on to an entree and then I could do a dessert. With some canned pieces.

Holy shit. I like a cottage cheese. And I don't need a lot of dairy, but when I do, it's cheese. That's disgusting. I fucking hate it. I hate it. I hate how it looks. I hate that milky backwash it's got in there. Dude, it looks like it's spoiled.

When you open it, it looks like it's spoiled. It looks like a mistake. Yeah. Oh, you gotta stir it up. Well, then I don't want it. I wanna open it and have it ready to go. I don't disagree that it, I agree. It looks like a mistake, but I fully also agree with Ian

that it is a pretty delicious mistake. Delicious isn't the issue. I love spam. That's not what we're talking about. I'm just saying we shouldn't have gotten here. No, you're right. Let me give you some choice words from the first sentence of cottage cheese's Wikipedia.

Okay. Yeah. Curdled milk product? Oh boy. Product. Product is a bad sign. Curdled? Soupy texture.

Bro! Come on. I don't like that. Fuck! Distinguishing cottage cheese from other fresh cheeses. That's pretty bad. Come on. God damn it.

And this is for cottage cheese. And it's also lumpy. Come on. God damn it. And this is for cottage cheese. And it's also lumpy. It is, but it's like, I mean, it's not far from ricotta and I love ricotta. We're not talking about deliciousness. We're talking about a slight against God. Yeah, no, it's a slight. This is a slippery slope and at the bottom of it

is the shattered carcass of all cheeses. Are there flavors of cottage cheese or just like cottage cheese? It's just like, it is the shattered carcass of all cheeses. Are there flavors of cottage cheese or just like cottage cheese? It's just like, it is its own thing. I mean, you can buy fruit on the bottom cottage cheeses, so they're like, you can mix it up, but no, it comes plain and you do what you do to it. Yeah, it's a canvas.

Throw it away. It's a canvas. Nasty. Toss her in the garbage. All right. Fair enough. How much sriracha would I have to put on this cottage cheese to get you interested, Sean?

More than cottage cheese. So it'd have to be 51%. Sriracha would have to have the ownership steak or whatever. You're telling me. Waiter, I'd like some sriracha with some white stuff in it, please. You're walking through Fred Meyer and you see a sriracha on the bottom, Kajas cheese, single serving, you're gonna pick that up.

This sucks. I don't think so. This whole cheese is trash. That's too wet and too... Yeah, that's true. That's too wet. And it'd be pink when it all got together. I don't like borscht, I'll tell you that.

That's too wet. And it'd be pink when it all got together. I don't like borscht, I'll tell you that. That's fair. I mean it's- They're just both two things that happen to be pink. That's not- You see how I got there. Alright. Cotton Cheese is a terrible pick. Everybody hated it. David, time for your third pick.

Foie gras. Okay, sure. Because that's like- That's as sick as we get is, and I've had it. I'm not gonna lie. I got to France, I said, give me that shit we're not supposed to have.

Yeah. And it's good, but that's, the fact that we figured that out, yo, it's like we've gone so far from where we need to be to do that to something else. What is it again? It is fucked up that we figured it out. It's fatty goose liver.

But they feed it grain, right, till it explodes? Yeah, they- Basically it's force-fed grain, yeah. Sure. Although I think there are more humane ways to make it now because I think there are laws against foie gras. They literally do that Wu-Tang sketch to the fucking... Keep feeding you.

To the goose. Keep feeding you. Don't suck your teeth at me, just do it. And then people order it in France and feel powerful. It's a wild, wild meal. The first night I was in France, I saw a woman and that's all she ate for dinner and she was having those she was having it She was putting it on crackers and it was like this high and she was having the best time and I tried it in it It's good, so but that's like

Praved it's so depraved It's wrong. You know where this started? Sioux Falls? Or how long ago they started doing this. 2500 BC, the ancient Egyptians learned that many birds could be fattened through forced overfeeding. Crazy. Fuck.

How did they learn that? Fuck. There's only one way to learn that, and it's to start force feeding a bird for no reason. It's like, that's the thing. That's why it's so bad. It comes from a surplus. Yeah. It's a surplus on a surplus.

It is. And then like, it's really, really terrible. It could only be decadent. Yeah. It is, it tastes crazy. Because other places taste liver, regular liver. You know, like plenty of regular liver pate out there. Yeah.

Yeah, and I don't know that they're giving us goose liver to try without, so it might just be the same. It might just be a mean man's idea and not a legitimately good thing. You worry the difference is nominal. It's like truly only something like Gordon Ramsay would notice and then you're like, huh? Yeah There's a crazed French goose feeder. I Probably shouldn't say this but I will continue eating it it was implied brother

Nobody swerved when they heard that. I was on the plane the other day and I watched this old lady next to me watch American Beauty. And I was like, oh, you can still do that? Yeah, she had a great day. This man who is number one cancel, but also cancel for the thing he's doing in the movie. You just watch him do that in the movie. All right. Yeah. Hell yeah. Ichifagwa. Whatever. He brings an authenticity to the role

that a lot of people couldn't have matched. Was it available on the Inflite Entertainment, or did she get... Oh, that's even more wild. Is that they were just like... Elsa still has it as an option to watch, is American Beauty. And it did make me start to feel like, That's even more wild, is that they were just like... Delta still has it as an option to watch, is American Beauty.

And it did make me start to feel like, well, then why am I not listening to I Wish by R. Kelly? Do you know what I mean? Like, if nobody's holding anybody accountable, why am I missing out on the things that I care about? I've kind of gotten there myself. I am at a place where I have very little moral thought goes into the media I consume.

Which I don't know if that's good or bad, but it's honest. I just don't, I think all of this accountability is something being handed down to us by people who make the laws. You know what I mean? This ain't the way they live, it's just the way they've decided we should.

And I don't know if I agree with that anymore. Yeah, I'm with you. I don't know how much watching a Woody Allen movie, for instance, goes into feeding his... I don't know, I don't know. I don't feel like it's a way we, whatever effect it has on society, I don't think is worth the joy it deprives from your life.

You don't wanna dance to a Michael Jackson song at a wedding? You know what I mean? Once that culture- You make the best songs. Once that culture escapes, it kind of, and maybe this is me coping, it kind of escapes ownership of that artist, except financially, of course, but like,

a song that, like the music of Michael Jackson, the movies of Woody Allen, the books of Alice Monroe, throw whoever you want in there, that art sort of becomes a collective good at some point. And then the thing you love about that Michael Jackson song is the way, yes, the way it sounds, sort of becomes a collective good at some point. And then the thing you love about that Michael Jackson song is the way, yes, the way it sounds, but also the memories of dancing at it. The way it makes you feel.

The way it makes you feel. And that is, I don't know. The thriller that you get when you listen to it. But also they're not shutting down the negative media from these people. You know what I mean? Like I still am allowed to watch the Kevin Spacey Christmas videos.

I'm not, nobody tells me I shouldn't tune into that because we're living inside of their failure and their sort of like their downfall. But you know, the other shit actually is healing for the world. This is just toxic. Yeah, a hundred percent. It's also a thing that, like you said,

such a small amount of people are doing it, that you're like, am I putting this can on the recycling on the Titanic? It's like that. Yeah. Exactly. You... Bro, I wish it's such a good song.

I miss it so much. It's so good. And I just, I gotta go back, man. Is the, I also think a lot of times the chief effect of the people who deprive themselves culturally is so they can feel good about depriving themselves culturally, is that they get like, that there is a- Oh yeah, that's the currency. That's the currency for sure.

There's a good moral feeling about being like, I don't listen to R. Kelly. I don't listen to my, you know, like, that people get. Nah, I'm going back. I'm not gonna make it a public thing, though. I'm not a hero. I just, in a personal, private life, I gotta hear I wish again. Earbuds are gonna fall out,

and suddenly you're gonna be on an airplane. Psh. You pick them up, you're like, where are my Raycons at? Where are they? Step in the neighborhood. That like, where are my Raycons at? Where... Step in the neighborhood. That's the cool thing about Raycons. They become speakers as soon as you take them out your ear. Now everybody wishes.

So I'm eating foie gras. I'm listening to R. Kelly. You can find me there. Sean? I don't like what I'm about to do. It's a bummer, but I got to say those 7-Eleven Buffalo chicken rollers. Oh, interesting. Bam. Yeah. I mean, I'll eat 15 of those.

I'll go, I'll stop and get those when Max is in daycare. And I'm like, what do I really want for lunch today? I will go get those. Can I tell you something? Man, I love it when you tell me shit. This is your bravest pick in the history of all-famacy everything. I hate it.

I love these, man. Your most self-sacrificing pick. This is Fugazi, putting the period on it right there. That's Nirvana playing the halftime show at Super Bowl, whatever it would have been. I love these rollers so much. They're amazing. They're amazing. But the chicken ones specifically are somehow worse

than the wrapped breaded ones. Like the chicken ones is like, this is just a chunk of chicken product. A chunk of something. Why is it this shape? Ah. And you know, there's plenty of foods that fall into that chicken shaped, you know, whatever. But like-

It's not even chicken shaped, it's tube shaped. No, yeah, right. It's, and it's tough. Because even when you eat them, you're like, hmm, it's good. It tastes great. But you're like, it's just, there's not, there's something off, you know? Yeah, no, that's- They're just, they're real bad. They gotta be.

As a kid, you've had chicken shaped like dinosaurs, but for some reason, Chicken shaped like everything. Like everything, but this is a bridge too far some of the time, if you start thinking about it. 7-Elevens, man, they are all so fucking buck now, where like, it's just a whole scene at a 7-Eleven where I go in I'm like

man it feels like the food is gnarlier because this place is so buck and that makes it feel grosser. Yeah I think location, location, location makes a big difference in why that food seems wrong. Because 7-eleven has never once had a person behind the counter that I was like I trust you with food. Also the roller aspect of it, I have worked at gas stations. I don't even particularly know how they get it hot enough to heat the meat because the roller is not that hot.

You can probably put your hand on the roller. You can touch the roller. You can touch the roller. Yeah, really? I didn't know that. Yeah. It feels like you could touch it because those things beg for people who, like myself included, who just grabbed them off the thing. You can't have it, they would have had too many lawsuits by now if, because I've just grabbed them off numerous times

without the tongs. Well, if you go in early, you'll see you can't take them off the roller for like the first hour or so or something like that. But if this were slow cooked, they would say that. You know what I mean? Like they would add that to the branding. It'd be a selling point.

Seven-Eleven slow cooked hot dogs. Here you go. These ones are $15 a piece. Yeah, because that's not what it is. The government told them they couldn't at some point. Yeah. The Ninth Circuit Court of Louisiana had to rule on the fact that they couldn't call them slow cooked.

You know what's funny is when you get the rollers and then they'll be like, which one is that? And you're like, who cares? Like sometimes I'll get a couple different ones. I'm like, it's two. There's two of them. Two of them. You, is it pluck your own now?

Is it a you pick situation? I have done that before. Most of them aren't, but sometimes you can pick your own. Yeah, you can definitely. Like then you can open up the glass or whatever. They do, some of those 7-Elevens, you get your own pizza. Some of them are nuts. I've seen get your own pizza.

I've never seen get your own hot dog. I've had the roller, where the roller window just opens out to you. Crazy. I saw one guy in the 7-Eleven below my old place. I saw him take a Buffalo chicken roller, put it in a bun, and dress up the bun. I don't mind that at all. Yeah, it was crazy.

Fuck. You know, one of the only things- That's his last night. Yeah. I've never felt more 2000 and late. I was like- We need to get the guy enrolled in the doctorate program immediately. That guy's gonna fix it.

He was like, my spaceship is coming. I'm going out of here. I'm going to the hospital. I'm going to the hospital. I'm going to the hospital. I'm going to the hospital. I'm going to the hospital. I'm going to the guy enrolled in the doctorate program immediately. That guy's going to fix it. He was like, my spaceship is coming. I'm going out of here.

Whatever y'all got going on. Yeah, I think he put like salsa on it. It was crazy. I am happy that they're behind a wall, essentially, because if I could do it all the time on my own, I would do it way more than I do. Having to ask for it sucks. Well, that's a lot of the thing about the grill is it's the shame of asking for the roller

in front of the five people behind you. And they put the gloves on and you're like, sorry, sorry to everyone, but you're like, I just, I need it. The person in front of you could be buying American Spirits and the person behind you could have like a 72 ounce Blue Raspberry Slurpee and you still feel weird about getting a chicken roller.

Yeah, you're like, I'm fucking up here and I apologize to y'all. You wanna like declare to people, you're like, I have a job, I'll pay for this. This is like long American Express. I need another food. So bare with the hand sanitizer, like look at me, I'm gonna do this before I eat these.

This chicken roller rollers for my son He's in the car I have out there MIT for him, so I would like you to take Laura like say like baby Laura, like say like, like it's apple picking. Like we're gonna go roller grabbing. We're gonna go pluck around. We're gonna go roller. I got our day all planned out. We're going roller plucking.

You gotta call it roller derby, right? Oh, roller derby. We're taking you to roller derby. It's October, there's a chill in the air. You call it dirty roller derby and you go and play hot dogs. You know, I used to be a roller derby announcer. What do you think of that? Oh wow, good choice.

I was one of those guys. That's fuckin' awesome. Dry us lips in the game. Yeah, rollers. Yeah, that's a good pick. Time for your third pick. Okay, this is, alright,. Time for your third pick. Okay. Um, this is... Uh, all right, I feel confident about this choice.

Uh, Flamin' Hot Mac and Cheese. Bro! Yeah. Yeah. Third on my list. Too many elements. Too many elements. We didn't have to go that far. Mm-hmm. We did not.

You didn't have to dust the Cheeto. You didn't have to mix it into a thing that was already working great. You know what I mean? The blue box mac and cheese, I think we can all agree is wrong, but very tasty. Perfection. And you can enjoy without, while still acknowledging the horrors of the blue box mac and cheese, but to add a flaming hot dust to that, that's just, that's not for anybody.

Have you ever got a box? I've desperately wanted to for a year now. So I got, I got the green one, I got the red one. I did it when I first saw them. And I made the green one, ate it, made the red one, and it made a color red that I've never seen. And I threw it away. Never, I've never do that I threw it away never I've never

I was like can't do it. It was you didn't even it was like Kool-Aid red It was an insane red to have on your on your mac and cheese. Have you seen flaming hot cheetos before? Yeah, that's the color they are right, but it was wet. It's it being wet You know how I feel about that. Let's not relitigate But it it it is just such a crazy, crazy situation. I'm completely with you. I hear you. I think there's a difference into the color of Cheeto

Flamin' Hots versus putting it on your plate next to green beans and- Boy, they look green when they're next to that shit. A chicken. You know what I mean? Like you're like, oh no, this is not right. No, it's meant to be eaten out of the pot by the way. It's not like out of a balanced dinner. It's like seeing a strip club with the lights on in the day.

You're like, I'm not supposed to be seeing this here. I don't think you're supposed to eat it with a shirt on, technically. If you eat it on the box. I think it usually comes with divorce papers. I think your divorce papers come wrapped around your neck and you're like, oh, I'm not supposed to eat it with a shirt on, technically, if you eat it on the box. Yeah. I think it usually comes with divorce papers. I think your divorce papers come wrapped around a box of Flamin' Hot Mac.

It's supposed to be in line at the DMV eating that. And that's why I've never brought myself to actually try it, is because I fear much, I fear what this will open up inside of my world if I start becoming a Fl hot mac and cheese father. It has a very Island of Dr. Moreau feeling to it. Like these are abominations. It also feels symptomatic where we were like,

macaroni and cheese in the blue box should have been as far as we went with that. Yeah, it should have been maxed out. That should have been, okay, can we all agree as a society, we look around, this is as far as we go with this. Because anything farther than this is dangerous. It's like, then to go further, it's like climate change, where we were like, hey, we need to get

these numbers under control, and then all of a sudden, they just started making bigger trucks. No, it is late stage capitalism, the meal. You know what I mean? Like it is, it is sitting down for a big old bite of late stage capitalism. You're like, all right, this ain't, this ain't right. We're too sober for whatever is happening here.

If left unchecked, there will one day be bombs full of Flamin' Hot macaroni and cheese. Why not? When the fuck not? When these companies just keep, it's going to happen. Cheetos at some point is going to help sponsor, you know, a fucking nuclear warhead and why would they not put their name on it? Yeah. It's going to be dangerously cheesy.

It's going to be Fredo Lay's presents the Agent Orange reboot. Hahahaha. Chester Cheetah can be Agent Orange? Keegan-Michael Key and Jason Sudeikis present. Hahahaha. Yeah, that's perfect. That's an excellent pick. Time for my third and fourth picks. My number third pick was the first thing that came to my mind when we started talking

about this draft. I'm taking Miracle Whip. Oh. Wow. Good answer, good answer. I don't know what it is. That's true. I don't know.

And not that I know what mayonnaise is, but I trust it more. I have a vague idea of what mayonnaise is. What's the difference? I've been told what it is, but it doesn't make more sense in my head. It's like oil and eggs. Something like that, yeah.

It's like whipped eggs and yeah, you add oil. I thought they were like the same basic thing. You know I can't tell the difference. That's crazy. You're one of those assholes. That's crazy. I can't tell the difference between. I've never done a put them next to each other taste test,

but I've had them both and they taste the same to me. Oh no. No, it's very. There's an insane tang to a Miracle Whip. That's probably the tangiest. I think the tang is it. Yeah. You enjoy the better?

Well wait, that's not what we're talking about though. We're talking about, right. But I think I do, I mean, if it's got some bite to it, I like that better. I went my whole life eating mayonnaise probably until I was like 12, and then I tried Miracle Whip for the first time, and I was like, this just tastes wrong. It just tastes wrong.

Yeah. It tastes like whatever you felt in looking at your flaming hot mac and cheese. Yeah, that's exactly right. Like sort of an unsettling, on a molecular level flavor. I'll get them next to each other. I'll get them next to each other and see if I can't tell the difference.

Because I've been saying this for years and years. I'll do a taste. I'll do a blind taste test. We'll do it in a live show. I'll do a blind taste test with my butt cheeks and see which one. It's weird. It's 91 years old.

I would have guessed a lot. In 1933 it was launched at the World's Fair in Chicago. I would have guessed much lot. 1933, it was launched at the World's Fair in Chicago. I would have guessed much, much more recent. I actually think the name of it sounds old. It sounds like a salesman on the side of the fucking World's Fair being like, over here, the Miracle Whip over here. That's true, it was like first served out of a straw hat.

Like that was the only way to eat it. You can find me at the Miracle Whip, right under the monorail. Excuse me, sir, how much for one handful of Miracle Whip? I'd like it right now. The mayonnaise man has a loose handshake and loose teeth. A Miracle Whip man. Here comes a Miracle Whip man.

Makes you strong. Look at you, young man. Wanna make the football team? This man can pick a blue ribbon winning hog up above his head. Why? Well, he's had a spoonful of Miracle Whip with his breakfast. And just a spoonful of Miracle Whip before you go out the door? Just in time to defeat the Kaiser, US OVs on the front receive their daily portion of Miracle Whip before you go out the door. Just in time to defeat the Kaiser, USO is on the front to receive their daily portion of Miracle Whip. Sorry, Hitler. Looks like you'll be going home with a sore noggin.

Honestly, I'm back on board. Alright, you actually like Miracle Whip. That's pretty fucking cool. If you need to give Hitler a sore knock at meeting a little miracle whip, I'll do it. It won the war for us. Shout out to Miracle Whip. Yeah, it's a Patriot. There's something about it, I'm like, mayonnaise was fine.

We didn't need variations on mayonnaise. Although that is my white jazz album. Variations on mayonnaise, make sure you tune in. I'm gonna have a Blue Note record. Ah! Make sure you tune in. Come on, that's my Blue Note record. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! It is, it is a lot of saxophone. Yeah. A lot. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, itophone, it can. It can be too much saxophone. It's an overwhelming amount of saxophone. It'll rattle your teeth. If you have fillings, you will feel it in the fillings. I just picked it up during the pandemic too,

so I'm not very good. I am going now to, God, this almost feels like it's not in the spirit of the draft, but it's my fourth pick. And I can't believe they still exist. It feels like you're eating a piece of the depression. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Every time you sink your teeth into it.

I'm talking about red delicious apples. Oh. Oh. This is your tombstone. These fly in the face of God less, because they do feel like the first apple. It's Apple patient zero. It's Apple patient zero. So when you bite them, you're not like this shouldn't exist. In fact, maybe, maybe this is a bad pick because maybe this is the only apple that should exist.

It's probably the first one. It feels like room temperature and fucking mushy. Sounds like what you don't like is your roots. You don't appreciate it's where you came from. That would be true because this does feel like the only apple they have in Poland. This is the one they got to eat in Trubble. It's the only treat they have in Poland. This is what they eat on Christmas in Poland

is a Red Delicious apple. You get eight, one for each night of Hanukkah. Although you only get seven nights in Poland, that's how bad it is over there. The Red Delicious originated at an orchard in 1872, as a round, blushed yellow fruit of surpassing sweetness. Yeah, in 1872. That's not even, I thought it would be like,

yeah, I thought you were gonna say the Egyptians used to use this to stuff a fat ass goose. And so, they'd feed this to their cat gods. 1872, the Red Delicious. And that, okay, so it was breeded. There's a chapter on it's Wikipedia, and I hate to keep going to this,

but selective breeding and decline in demand, and that's what I'm talking about. It's time to phase out the red delicious. You're saying we didn't always have this, we don't need it, we just think we do because time has beat our asses with it. It is the penny-farthing bicycle of fruit. That's the people had horses before that,

that bicycle with the big ass wheel in the front, the tiny wheel in the back. What are we doing? You look ridiculous. We have better bikes. Horses are better. Sure, horses are better. They are. And huffies.

Huffies are fun. Yeah, exactly. The Red Delicious Apple, it feels like you're biting into a history we should have left behind. I never pick red apples. Like that is- The green apple man. I'm a green apple guy through and through.

That would never be my choice to choose a red apple. If I, I'll take it if that's all they got, but I would never like be like, give me that red one. I'll choose yellow before I choose red. I love a golden delicious. I love it. I love a yellow apple. I'm coming back to the green apple. I've been coming back.

They're great, man. They're really, really dope. Yeah, I don't like a dark red apple. Red delicious are the worst, just like you're biting into a fucking old pillow or something. They're nasty. Well, I like them.

Langston, next bit. Whoa. All right. Okay, I am going to go back to the original spirit of this, and I'm going to say powdered eggs. Oh, yeah. That's one of them. What are those? No, no, no.

Eggs, we've been told, expire very quickly and are very unsafe to eat in most circumstances. And yet somehow we have taken this thing and turned it into a fine powder that we can just restore back to life and last forever. No, I think that's wrong. I think that's evil. I think shame on you, George H.W. Bush. That's right.

Dude, first I'm hearing of this. It's there's eggs that are powder? I'm serious, I've never heard of it. You tell me a shrimp fried this stuff? You've had them at like a continental breakfast or something for sure. Yeah, for sure. If you went to college.

Oh, they just mix them and then, oh. Yeah, truly there's no way to make that many eggs for that many people without having them powdered and shipped. So my whole life up until this very moment, so every time I'm in a hotel or whatever, you're telling me those aren't like people cracking eggs and mixing them in a bowl and making scrambled eggs. Those are like water and powder

and they turn into scrambled eggs. Most of the time. Most of the time. Most of the time. Most of the time. Is that where they're all wet? The powdered egg is derived from egg. Yeah, no I feel you. Originally in some way, but I bet that's not the only thing in there.

Somebody cracked them at some point. At some point, but I never thought about that. So like at a, I don't know, at a Hilton or whatever. No, I'm not a Hilton. What am I looking for? What's like a mid hotel where you get those, where you get the breakfast? Best Western? Sure, like a Best Western. Good answer, good answer not a Hilton. What am I looking for? What's like a mid hotel where you get those, where you get the breakfast? Best Western?

Sure, like a best Western. That's all. Good answer, good answer. Never knew that. Yeah, man. College students almost exclusively are eating powdered eggs every morning at their dining halls and shit. Wow.

I would say probably if you are brave enough to be at a buffet in the morning, that they're 100% serving you powdered eggs. There's no version of real eggs that you are getting in mass. It feels like we shouldn't know about it. Like it should be, if you're doing that, don't tell us. But also it should be-

It feels like a Soylent Green kind of sleight of hand situation. It should be for war. They did a good job on one of us, because I had no clue until just now. I'm sorry to have been the one to expose this to you. That ain't going to stop me. I'll think about it the next time. They're going to deter me one bit.

They powder milk too, in case you were wondering about that. Do you know that? I was that, bro. It's funny to picture someone who's like so addicted to breakfast that they're up late doing lines of powdered eggs. Just chopping them up, just rolling up a piece of bacon and then just doing a lot of eggs. The doctor's like, buddy, you're not going to make it past next year. I don't even fully know why this is bad. I'm gonna be honest.

You would have done better with fentanyl. This is crazy. The numbers I'm seeing here are nuts. Your cholesterol is just a glass full of mayonnaise? It's like an emoji. No, that's what I'm saying. It's like an emoji. It's like an emoji. No, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, powdered eggs.

Holy cow. Yeah, powdered eggs is great. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth pick. Oh, shit. It's all right. I'm going to go with that coffee flavored Coke since we got some liquids on here. Oh. Have you seen that?

Yeah. Have you seen this? You read about this? Are they still doing it? I remember that. I got one and it's so, so, so, so gross. It's so gross. It's Coke that just tastes like you put coffee in it.

I mean, it's insane. And then, I don't know if they jack up the caffeine any more than normal, probably not, but it just tastes crazy. Fizzy, syrupy, Coke, coffee. I kinda like it. That do, yeah, I bet you do. That's not the draft, though. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

But I don't, it just happens to be something I think is insane, and also, I can't stand. I only tried the one, to be fair, but that's all I needed. The coffee being in it almost makes it feel a little more natural. Than just the Coke. Than just the Coke. Than just the Coke. Than just the Coke.

Or even just. I get that. I mean like Coke on its own is old enough that I'm like okay, it's sort of grandfathered in. But like, then like Mountain Dew for example. Don't you now stop tread lightly. That shouldn't exist. Tread lightly.

That shouldn't exist. If you want the friendship to stay as intact as it is. I'm just saying that should not, that shouldn't exist. Are you a Mountain Dew guy still? I can't, I can't, but I love it still. I can't do it. When he says he can't, he means he can't drink it as opposed to water.

He still can't regularly have a Mountain Dew. If I'm being honest, if probably once a month, I'll get like, I'll have like half a 20 ounce. Buddy, that's more than they could have ever imagined for somebody your age. I know it. They made that product for 14 to 23, and they were like, anybody pass these windows?

That's a win for us. If I skate, like if I do well enough, or if I skate for long enough one day, or like if I say I hit like 20,000 steps someday or something, sometimes I'm like, ah, you can do it. You'll be all right. Never do the whole thing anymore because it just blows me away.

We'll do live streams and I will, the last two or three, I have chugged a pint glass of Mountain Dew and I'm barfed. Nobody asked him to. I do it for the people. Nobody asked him to. All right, for the people. Nobody asked him to. All right, all right, I do it. I give them what they want.

They don't need to ask for it. People ask him not to, it's French. I keep threatening to chug a pint of hot sauce and these fools won't let me do it. I like the idea of you showing up with the pint and you're like, all right, everybody, now the part of the show you've been waiting for and nobody claps.

They all start crying. All right, bro, we don't know where this bit came from. This wasn't in any of the drafts. That's why it's not on my list. Now, coffee, Coke can take a long walk up a short pier. Don't like it. Yeah, I never knew that that existed. I don't drink coffee, so maybe that's influencing a huge part of my response,

but that sounds like maybe one of the greatest sins that I've ever heard of in my life. Coffee, I feel like is the only taste I've actually acquired. I never enjoyed a beer, I still don't. I never acquired a taste for whiskey or anything. Coffee, I firmly, I enjoy the taste now when I didn't used to. So that's the only thing I can say that about, I think.

Good story, good story, good story. Are you out to have a coffee drinker? Good story, good story. No, I don't drink coffee at all. Although I can say that about I think Never seen you drink a coffee Big coffee can't get enough big coffee guy hot hot black coffee You're gonna say that's a football player's name too? Hot black coffee. You racist. You're gonna call that a football player? His first name's Hot Black.

No spaces. I started saying hot black coffee, and then I realized the connotations but I couldn't I had gone too far down it to change I just love a hot black coffee yeah I love nothing more I don't I don't like hot coffee I'll never have hot coffee ever again if I can if I can do I don't like a hot drink necessarily oh you do a ice every single time I get ice coffee and hot cups. Cold, dry coffee. Yeah, I like powdered coffee. I like dry ice coffee and yeah.

Give me some powdered coffee and a cup and swear at it a few times and then I'll take that. Give me a hot coffee after a good meal? I am in heaven. Oh, I love it. Nah, I know. Just freeze some beans and ouch you on those. I'll order ice coffee and a hot cup. And you want to watch some of these coffee shop employees

either think it's stupid or not get it. The looks that I get sometimes, because it's just like the one use plastic. I'm doing the littlest amount that I can to not have a one use plastic, you know? And I've had people at Starbucks be like, no, we can't do that. I'm like, I bet you can.

If you just do it, I bet it gets done. I bet that's possible. Yeah, people don Starbucks be like, no, we can't do that. I'm like, I bet you can. If you just do it, I bet it gets done. I bet that's possible. Yeah, people don't like it, man. It's a weird thing to weird Hilda Dio. You're an iconoclast, you know? You're shaking things up. Visionary, you know?

Yeah, dude, I wanna be in the trucker. David, tell me your fourth pick. All right, David, tell me your fourth pick. You gotta be out. Nah, I'm gonna let it out. You're gonna let it out. Fourth pick, now this is delicious. Just to check, do you guys be out? Nah, I'm good. Yeah, okay. Fourth pick, now this is delicious. It is delicious. They're amazing.

But, I'm picking this because where does it end? Where's the line? In today's fast-paced world of convenience, where is the fucking line? I'm taking Uncrustables. Whoa. What are we doing? What are we actually doing? Walk me to your fear. We can't get two pieces. It's four ingredients. It takes as long to take it out of the... it's the same prep time. So we're ultra processing this thing for what feels like no reason.

Yeah. Other than it's saving you 30 seconds and some crust. And where's all the crust going? If they had a B-side project, if they had a B-side product called crustables, then I get it. But like it just feels so wasteful, soprocessed for something that you could get to yourself in two minutes. It's also exclusively targeted at children. Yeah. And that feels sinister to be like,

yeah, we could have given you an already complicated meal of peanut butter and jelly, but now we're gonna make it the devil's peanut butter and jelly, and that's wrong. It's crazy. Yeah, you're right. I have never had an Uncrustable.

I don't think I have either. That's what I was just trying to think of. I went through a weird phase. I was... I was in the grocery store right before it closed one night, and this guy comes out of nowhere. Recently? This is probably like six months ago.

This guy comes out of nowhere and he just whispers to me, because I was looking at the acrossibles, he just whispers, you'll thank me later. Get a pan, get you some butter, deep fry that, put a little cinnamon sugar on top, you'll thank me later. And then he walked off. That wasn't a guy? That guy died.

That guy died in the 1950s? That was a janitor that got burnt in a fire at that grocery store. That guy was Brad Pitt. And you're Edward Norton, my man. And I hate to say it, I did it. And it, it's fucked up. Yeah, you can't refuse that call. No, you have to do it. You have to do it.

He had no reason to do it. He just, he said, oh, you'll thank me later. I like the idea of you still going back to that grocery store looking to thank him and he just isn't there anymore. No. Thank you, sir. The worst part was me and my lady

were having a little bit of an argument and then I'm in the car like, I can't wait to drive this shit. She's like, shut the fuck up. Cause that's not what you want when you're in an argument, is the dude to be like, I'm gonna deep ride Uncrustable tonight. Yeah, I'm actually looking forward to killing myself.

So. You're gonna start this argument after I talk to the ghost of Jason Uncrustable in that grocery store? You're gonna be looking through like an old newspaper at like a flea market one day and see his picture. Yeah. 1912 and like the Times Picayune. Uncrustable.

And it's time for the lightning round. Uh, uncrossed the wall. And it's time for the lightning round. The final round, your final pick. Boozy milkshakes. How much pleasure do we need? Come on, man. Fucko, relax. Go jack off.

Go jack off. Yeah. What are we doing? Can't go down this road with you, brother. Come on. They shouldn't exist. They're good. I think they're good for you too, so they should exist.

That's a crazy thing. They can help out a wedding, they can help out a lot of stuff. That's... Some people say it strengthens your gut. That's what I'm saying. The doctor tells me I should drink more. Yeah, he says you live longer if you have like 15 a day.

I was on a date once and it was going well and we went like we were at a third location. We were at a restaurant, two bars, and at the third bar I had two grasshopper milkshakes, boozy grasshopper milkshakes. You can't do that. You never wanna have sex again? We had sex, that's what's crazy.

Were you partying the whole time? Offer two grasshopper milkshakes and those weren't the first drinks I had that night. So I was already drunk and then I had two of those. No, you had to have been drunk to make that decision. I got the one! She could see you! She could see you the whole time!

Did you get done and you're like, sorry I farted 30 times while we had sex? First date! It was the first day. It was the first day. First day. Oh my god. That's incredible. Bro, that's psychotic. Sorry, you were farting the whole time.

She was cool. Of course she was cool. Man, she was going through something too. Absolutely. For her to consent, still after, you know what I mean? Like that's such a crazy choice. He's drunk off of me.

She had to answer for that. Her friend was like, how did that date go? And she had to say... He got kind of black out off of two grasshoppers. And then we fucked. And he kept saying, you're so cool. You're so cool. I can't believe you're letting me do this.

There's a lot of me just playing man. What were you thinking when you ordered the second cricket? Two milkshakes on a date is a crazy move. Right, thinking about how dope the first one was. That's the thing, I would never even order one milkshake on a date. But the fact that I had alcohol on it. You don't know limits.

That's crazy. Or you can have another beer, or I'll get another big ass grasshopper milkshake. Yeah, I'll do two of these. Whoa. That's wild. Yeah, that just unlocked that memory for me. Anyways, that's my last pick.

Crazy how much life has changed. Not even 10 years. One of these days, I'll go through and listen to these, maybe, I don't know, the ones from back in the day. It's crazy, it really is. The stuff we used to talk about. I don't know, man, I saw the synopsises. I was looking at the synopsis that that guy did

of the Wikipedia, the encyclopedia. And the first, there's like the fifth or sixth episode I was on, it's like eight years ago. episode I was on like eight years ago and it was just Like everything I said was like I was so drunk It'll be nice listening back because then we're on a record of that time because I certainly don't remember most of it John your final pick It hurts man, it, but Arby's sauce. Which one?

Oh. The Arby's sauce. It makes people poop, man. It just makes you poop specifically, and I think it's just barbecue sauce and ketchup and some other stuff, but Arby's sauce, it just hurts, man. I think it might be the amount your're eating makes you I eat a lot

I eat a lot of it when I'm when I go I go A lot of Arby's when I do it It's a it's an amount baby. It's it's an ask him where he is when he eats most of that Arby's sauces How are you? Yeah, I do it. I do it at home. Oh in front of your your children In front of the one yeah, because he has Sauce Oh in front of your your children In front of the one yeah, because he has Sauce No, they say you just have they sell it I didn't I didn't like procure it in a weird way you can get at the grocery store

I'm just holding it with the pin out like I dare you to say something about how much are we sizes on this? Holy shit. I Have seen it at the grocery store. I get what you're saying. They have it in like a Style bottle. Yeah, but man, I've never seen someone pick it up It was on sale first time I got it on sale two for a dollar and I was like you're losing money if you don't So I could bring it to Arby's and This was an investment Someone I did this for us. Someone's got to put that little girl through college. No, no, no. You don't understand.

I'm not going to need another sauce for my life. This is all I'm going to cover me for good. I'm going to sell some of this. This will grow in value. If we pour it out in the yard, we could grow an Arby's tree. I got one next, like next, in my dresser, like next to an unopened pack of Fleer from 89, where I'm like, that's probably a Bo Jackson rookie card in there. And this bottle of Arby's sauce.

Well, that's crazy. I just, it never factored that that would come up, but I'm glad, I agree with you, it is wrong. It's bad for you. It's, yeah, it's rough. If you're eating it at an Arby's, it's fine. No it ain't, by the way, and I'm not, but it ain't. My sense of humor.

For my final pick, I was torn between two options, but I think I'm gonna go with the Century Egg. Oh yeah. For my final pick, I was torn between two options, but I think I'm gonna go with the Century Egg. The Century Egg is- I don't know what that is. You trying to make me feel dumb about eggs? Is that the whole point of this draft? What is the Century Egg? A Century Egg I had in China.

I tasted it for the first time when I went to China, and it is an egg that they allow to go rotten. They basically leave it out until it rots, but then it rots past a certain point that you can like ferment it and then eat it. And it is one of the most vile things that I've ever tasted. It's so unnecessary. We don't have to be this way. What the fuck. What's the point?

For, I guess the Chinese people, it is a very sort of- They like it? Yeah, they're into it. It's like a culinary treat. How did you figure that out? How'd you get there? It's bad. Cause you're preserving, it's like, a lot of the weirdest stuff come,

like cheese is a way of preserving energy. Cheese came from mountainous regions, because animals would eat grass during the summer, during the grazing period. That energy was converted to milk. The milk would go bad. The only way to preserve it was through aging it. They discovered that just through accident, right?

I don't understand what's wrong with the mountainous dew that comes from that particular region as well. We're talking about that. But like a thousand year old egg, it's like, do you need to preserve eggs like that? Don't chickens lay eggs all year? Yeah, no. Every day, you know that? Chickens lay eggs every day. I didn't know that. Every single day they lay eggs. I didn't know that. I thought it was like once a week or something. I did too. My sister-in-law had some every day. I didn't know that. Mm-hmm. I thought it was like once a week or something. I did too.

That's cool. My sister-in-law had some every day. Yeah, it's black. Yeah. The inside is, it looks like the negative of a photograph of an egg, it's all bad. It's the wrong thing. And I ate it and I can assure you it's disgusting.

I did not, no, I wanted to vomit and fry. I took children to China. I did it as like a chaperone trip From when I was teaching high school and I truly have never felt weaker in front of My students they cut it up and give you a little fork or like what so they just cut it and you know It's just a boiled egg that they cut in half and then just serve it to you. Well, thanks. Yeah. We're all bummed out.

If you like it, good for you. Congratulations. Yeah, go nuts. We didn't yunk anybody's yum on this, but man. It's wild that we got this. Humans have been around a long time. Yeah, 2024 years, man, almost to the day, isn't that good? Almost to the day. almost to the day, isn't that great?

Almost to the day. I am going to, you reached far back into history. I am going to rip from the headlines and take the Heinz Easy Squirt green ketchup. Oh, that shit sucks, yeah. We don't need ketchup to be other colors. Didn't ever, it was never dope. I was a kid, dude, and it still wasn't dope.

We shouldn't do that. If your kid needs the ketchup to be a different color to eat it, you gotta talk to your kid. Yeah, I think that's right. You gotta have a conversation with him. The ketchup has to be red. If you had to pick a different color, well, mini draft, if you had to pick a different color, well mini-draft, if you had to pick a different color

other than red, what would your ketchup color be? Well it probably would have been green. I was just thinking about white ketchup in my mind. Wow! I'd probably go white. Nah, ranch. Do white ketchup, he was on the king, right? He was good.

Yeah. He was a power forward. He was on that team with Jason Williams. Yeah, I just got sick of Bernard, so I was like, call me white ketchup, and then they just did. White ketchup. But yeah, the green ketchup.

Okay. Horrible. Yeah, I recently found out that they make black mayonnaise that like for spooky season, they'll make like black garlic flavored mayonnaise. And that's wrong. All the, I think any condiment that needs to change its color purely for sales is an abomination.

Yeah. I'm with you on that. Stop it. Just stop it. Cause there's not, it's not good for us what you're doing to it. Mm-mm. I mean, it's just food color. It's not bad Because it's not good for us what you're doing to it. I mean it's just food coloring. It's not bad.

It's not worse, right? It's really bad for you. I know it's bad for you in general no matter what color it is, right? It's not just like food coloring like you get in your cabinet. These are heavy, heavy dyes. Okay, they do. They gotta do different stuff to make it. Yeah, right.

That make your sperm stop existing. It's like truly bad shit for you. They don't just give it a little squeeze of that. No, no, no. Put a little drop in the vat. It can make any stress. Green ketchup. Isaac is not here, so no pick from the producer. But that wraps up the draft. To recap, David, you went first. You took haggis, conscious cheese, foie gras,

uncrustables, and a boozy milkshake. Sign me up. Sean, you took edible underwear, ghost peppers, 7-Eleven Buffalo Chicken Rollers, coffee-flavored Coke and Arby's Sauce. That's a bad night. I'm in. Bad night.

It's a bad night. Nobody put those underwear on. Ha-ha! Laxton, you took the blue raspberry slurpee, spam, Flamin' Hot Macaroni, powdered eggs, and the Century egg. And I went last and I took Sunny D, Cashew Milk, Miracle Whip,

Red Delicious Apples, and Green Ketchup. Man, that's nasty. All that together. That's fun. That's a bummer. Nasty picks all around. Hit us up with your picks. We want to hear yours at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Langston, thank you so much for joining us.

Yeah, dude. Seriously, this is dope. This was so nice. Shout out to everyone on the A-F-E Patreon, where you can get live episodes, auction drafts, bonus episodes, mail bags, all of that stuff. So many extra features. Oh, episodes without ads? That's another thing on there.

Yeah, every episode's live streams, voting on topics, yeah, other random shit. It's dank, get over there, it's fun. Shout out to everyone on there. Shout out to everyone on the AFV subreddit, the AFV's just slacking. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the ones and twos, wherever he may be.

Shout out to St. Sue Carmel, and twos, wherever he may be. Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel, who threw me a wonderful 40th birthday party up in Oregon as I watched the Oregon Ducks defeat the Ohio State Buckeyes. Oh, you were here. At the Oregon coast. Oh. I was, I would check in on you,

but I landed at the airport, went to the coast, left the coast, went to the airport. Good job, Phil. So I was not even there. Shout out to Frankie Osher, shout out to Sid the Dude, shout out to Hodgie Beatz, shout out to Taco. Yeah. Shout out Taco.

Yeah, shout out to Wayne Brady. Shout out to Wayne Brady, and more important than all that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackin'. That was a hate gum podcast.