All Fantasy Everything - Game Shows (w/ Shain Brenden, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 21, 2021

YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?! Well, this one time, you’re right. We draft Game Shows with comedian and podcaster Shain Brendan. Episode Guest:Shain Brenden @shainbrenden IG: @shainbrendenSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture, from Samuel L. Jackson movies to crimes we'd like to commit and everything in between. On this episode, we're joined by comedian and podcaster Shane Brendan to draft game shows. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and with me as always are Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get to it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that has 6,000 steps in already,

and it's 10 a.m. on a Friday, bro. Big early flex. Big early flex. On a fucking Friday, bruv. Yeah, it's a Friday, ain't it? It's a Friday, ain't it? It's a proper Friday. I wouldn't be stepping six thousand steps on a saturday would i would i no no not this early would i maybe six thousand six thousand six thousand steps and you you lived a full day You had blood drawn and everything. I got blood drawn, dude. You killed a guy. I killed a guy?

Sean got a crypt drawn. That's what it is. They drew my blood and then I had to shoot the doctor. I was like, you don't tell anybody the blood came out of me. Sean ascended to heaven already? We're recording live from heaven? Yeah, I'm trying to get it so I'm not so

backlit, bruv but yeah it's just i'm in such a good mood that you're glowing man it's like that out there sean is deeply backlit he's coming to us live from a trailer for an a24 movie and here's these pillows that ian accused me of getting at lily fair by the way there's three pillows at jellyfish well that's a hilarious joke though why do you have beach house pillows in your house well that's what i don't get we make moves in here we have christmas lights we have uh like a like a fairly different rug theme in each room i'm i'm with it i'm for it do a lot of houses have the same rug theme in different rooms see that's a skateboard hanging up right there we got skateboards on the wall oh yeah you made it a shelf that's that's neat

look at that what is that a heron yeah it's a big heron laura's uncle scott did you would you have like a coupon at lilith fair what happened dude laura's maiden name is lilith fair she's actually already married to a guy with the last name sam's laura lillith there yeah man we're out here you know it's that kind of podcast in carmel i noticed you have a nike golf hat on i like it yeah yeah yeah is that golf you golf bro oh i golf yeah i'll fucking i'll fucking hit the sticks dude i stroke yeah stroke it stroke it yeah you guys watching that tiger woods situation oh yeah yeah part one part fun dude that was crazy it wasn't fun it was fun to watch but like his life does not seem that fun no that poor kid yeah my wife man like she had like i was in the living room watching it and she's like uh in the office doing her thing she looks over she's like you're watching a tiger woods documentary how boring is it and then she walks through the kitchen and then she

just hears some wild shit that his dad is saying like he's like four years old he's like my son will be the god of golf he will be the black god of putting the gandhi of golf if you will my son will be gandhi yeah that's the wild shit could you imagine seeing your kid be like that kid can really hit a golf ball he will unite the world i just felt so bad from like because i grew up being a tiger fan because i was like right in my wheelhouse and then also i'm a little blazing kid so like when he won the masters he pioneered the curl fade for all of you. He did, bro. Look, my dad went insane. And just like after he won the Masters, he bought me in bulk just red polo Nikes. He forced me to start going to school looking like a mini Eldrick Tiger Woods, dude.

It's your time, Shane. I was like, I just want to dance, Dad. The world is ready for us boy oh boy oh man the real tiger was the one where he was had that chest hair drawn on him he was dancing around looking like bruno mars it seemed fun man yeah you know what i didn't realize i didn't realize how beautiful tiger was i just eyelashes and his skin i guess i never put that shit together but like that kid is was he was like a beautiful beautiful yeah and then i like how they go through the buff tiger phase where they're like and then

the gym yeah yeah and he fucking started dating suelina gomez you know i'm talking about yeah yeah ian you know you want to laugh, dude. If I was sitting there, you'd be laughing, bro. Wait, he dated Swalina Gomez? Is that what you're calling? It was murky. That's what going to the gym is when you start dating Swalina Gomez. Oh, I see, I see, I see. I thought you were calling

Ilan Nordgren Swalina Gomez, and I didn't track. First time for everything. No, I don't do that on wax, man. No, no, I don't. Bro, what a no no i don't yeah bro what a come up though for his wife like she was swedish right ex-wife yeah whatever super super gorgeous moves to the states and just besides to become a nanny for like another pro golfer and then and then marries the top of golf i'm like i was watching that thinking man i salute the scam because that was that's a

premeditated was that a scam come on bro you're that hot and you're like yeah i'm gonna be a nanny i think there's hot nannies i mean i've clicked around the internet i think there's some hot nannies there's some hot nannies yeah yeah that's a big win i mean that's a big w you had to know she didn't know something was gonna come come from that. Yeah. Yeah. They did. They did say like, she didn't like him and it's like, Oh, you didn't. Or I don't know.

Maybe he's not likable. I can't tell. didn't she chase him down the driveway with a golf, like tried to hit him with a golf club and he crashed. Yeah. That's next episode. But she put like a, she put like a nine iron through the back window of his Cadillac.

Something like that. But that's like put a nine iron through the back window of my Cadillac. So I know it's, but that's like, put a 9-iron through the back window of my Cadillac so I know it's real, girl. Yeah. That was a make or break moment. I'm all for it. She did that because he was putting his clubs in other bags, right? That's 100% right.

Golf punt. Hooters waitress bags, as far as I remember. Dude, it was so... Hey, man, all bags carry stuff. You know what I mean? You know those little tigers that he had for his golf warmers or whatever yeah cute he's cute he was cute we should just switch this to a tiger woods podcast yeah dude welcome to the back nine oh that's good that's a turn, baby. Welcome to the 19th. Oh, yeah. Dude, I watched the John Daly documentary. I did, too. He doesn't drink water.

That fucking guy. Dr. Peppers. Dude's chain smoking on the links. He's got a mullet. He's signing autographs at an old country buffet. I'm like, yo, dude, grip it and rip it, bro. He's golfing with the only clothing he's wearing is jeans. And that's like no shoes, no shirt, no hat, no underwear for sure.

Just denim. Wasn't there one point in that documentary where he's like, you know, I'm John Daly and I hit it hard. That's all he had to say. I hit it hard. Yeah, I say that to my wife before we make love. So it is what it is. You're John Daly? I'm John Daly. i'm john daly he says i didn't drink any water

the john daly documentary is just the second half of the tiger woods documentary it really is the moment john from the from his first steps we knew john daly was never gonna drink water again that kind of thing. How's he still alive, dude? That dude is a beast. Still going for it, man. God blesses the hustle, man. If you get after it that hard, then God's like, all right, you can stick around. Show people what time it is.

I don't think that's true. Well, I do. John Daly feels like he was born when a hurricane hit a sperm donation clinic in Florida. Like in northern Florida, Pensacola. Oh man. John Daly is what, what happens to anyone from Kentucky that hits the Powerball numbers. You know, that's just, that's the life he's living, man.

That dude doesn't wear pants without patterns on them. He's like when Bernie Mac had the airbrushed face on it, like John Daly's whole vibe is an airbrushed pair of wash denim jeans, bro. A lot of people don't know. Bernie Mac's big fashion inspiration was John Daly. Yeah. John Daly's the only guy Bernie Mac is scared of. That was it.

That was the comedy. Dead or alive. He's the exception that proved the rule. There's that podcast, the john daily that lets you know what alcoholics are up to every day kind of like the daily but for alcoholic news no you didn't have to explain it it was perfect uh for the lay person out there you know you know how it goes and i'm gonna follow suit with everyone uh all the other previous guests and say boy oh boy do you look delicious thank you my friend yes yeah. Also, Shane's got a yellow microphone cover.

For everyone who can't see, Shane's out here living. Well, yeah. I got one of those somewhere around in this house. Yeah, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm daring to be different, man. I got all different color covers over here, man. I'm out here living, bro.

All right. Got that Rasheed Wallace mug. Oh, yeah. Got the Sheed to brighten my day. Oh, man. I got a Sheed mug somewhere around here. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll be right back.

Is it... Here, I got a question for the two of you. Is it insane for me to get a basketball jersey that I plan on wearing, like, out when it gets nice out? David, I'm... Why would I think that was insane? I don't know. It just seems like you need a...

Question. You need to fit the jersey. Yes. Would you wear it with no t-shirt underneath because you strike me as a dude absolutely okay i'm not in middle school anymore man we don't we don't have rules there's no rules in middle school you tried to do that without a shirt and people looked at you like you and i didn't have i couldn't are you talking about to school or on the team in In general. I bet I...

You were in basketball jerseys with no shirt underneath to school? That's a bold move to school, man. That's fucking wild. I attempted. There were only certain kids that could do that. They were like, we can't let this kid in. He's going to get too much pussy. Mr. Doherty. Mr. Doherty Sean's here with no shirt on

on this jersey and everybody is trying to get it out there my homeroom is going fucking nuts Mr. George you gotta leave these teachers are gonna try to fuck this kid we can't let this kid walk around in a in a throwback

Detroit Pistons jersey. White arms, South Dakota. It wasn't even a throwback. It was a current Grand Hill Detroit Pistons jersey. Oh, wait. Which one was it? Was it the shitty one with the knight on it? Like the teal one?

You thought it was shitty? No, it wasn't oh yeah it was the normal colors that's a dank solidarity with the with the what's that cut the check cut the check there it is there it is that's hey ian is it crazy if i get a basketball jersey that i plan on wearing with like no you know but just like wearing out with no sleeves and stuff no i think you could do that you're a skateboarder all right okay i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it later i'm gonna wear a whole set though he wants the matching bottoms i'm gonna get some custom-made blazer chucks i think you should get a miles plumley jersey dude i think you should get an icp basketball jersey yeah yeah yeah you should get a shaggy tuto

a kevin smith hockey jersey dude nobody will know you're fat if you wear that but cut the sleeves off they can't tell because it's a hockey jersey you're just in shape for a hockey player that was the weirdest move ever it drapes so big it just makes you look bigger man no big it big, it's, you gotta wear, no, that's just not the move. You gotta be busting Jeeber to pull off a fucking hockey jersey, man. Or like, or Wiz Khalifa or something. I don't know if I've ever seen a hockey jersey pulled off other than the gin and juice video.

That was my only where I'm like, that looks good. I've seen a hockey jersey pulled off. I think I've seen it in the wild. Yeah. Have you guys ever worn a hockey jersey? Anyone ever own one? I've never seen. Marissa, delete that last part what's what's what no i've never worn a hockey jersey i'm saying i've looked at a couple of them i'm like that would be tight but you know you ever look at something you know like y'all this thing i can't i can't pull this off yeah

i'm not dripping the clothing i wore in early school, and I still tried to pull it off anyway. Colored Timberlands. What color? Any color besides the wheat. Word? I'm just like, bro. I've never seen colored Timberlands before. I'm out here with forest green. Not like beef and broccolis.

I'm talking about like the standard Tims, but like the red ones. It's just it's i just i can't do it people can do it insane i bet you jermaine dupri could do it like blue yeah he founded crisscross he could do whatever he wants i don't know how many people can pull off color timberlands but it's not it's also not up for me to decide it's been done i just know that every time i heard method man could do it like current like 2021 method man could probably do it yeah we're talking about hall of famers right now

i'm just a dude bro women could pull it off more easily easily than men i think on the color timber sure oh on the color timberland tip they got tim boots uh like heels but i went down a i went down a timberland rabbit hole like i was on the GOAT app a couple days ago. You start looking at- Is that what you were thinking about pulling off? Was he over-colored Timberland? That would be the turn of the century. If you just came out, oh man, looking like a Nishanti video.

With the jersey dress, though. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mariah Carey and the All-Star Weekend, yeah. Just going for it, man. Just literally. You're rebranding as Ashanti? Oh, with the long sideburns, bro.

You're rebranding as my junior high school crush. Who's this thick red bone walking down Lombard right now? I like that curl thing, girl. I just drop an apple, a juicy apple out of my Fred Meyer shopping bag and just bend from the waist. Oh, baby, I got you now. I got you now, David Borey. I know you look. And then I'm just like, your kiss, your eyes.

Your eyes are... No shout out Ja Rule. No shout out Ja Rule. He's kind of an idiot. Sean Jordan is here. Shout out to Sean Jordan. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram. And in the living room, dude, the queen dipped out, so I'm up here.

Hogging all the squid. squid what is it the jellyfish uh pillows what yeah they're jellyfish pillows in the beach house listening to beach house but he keeps them clean though yeah look at the kitty yeah i keep them clean keep them clean yeah you keep them clean though yeah i mean that's you know 20s what's the latest with sean jordan incorporated nah i'm not you know pushing 40s pushing boardies uh that's about it all i've been doing is skating i have been thinking about skateboarding so much yeah it's that feeling of like because i'm starting to learn things back again kind of kind of quick and so now i feel like a kid where i just keep thinking about new things that maybe like new tricks I could do that I used to be able to do. You're talking about the Christ Air 900s.

Christ Air 900 has always kind of been the grail that I never really got. So obviously I'm shooting. I'm just like deciding which roof in the neighborhood to do it off of. Doing a backside BK Big Fish into a, into a nolly, nolly, nolly oxen free. Yes.

Yes. Slippery. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, those are the goals. Those are,

I mean, that's like, I got a while doing, doing a Victor Von Doom into a pickle juice back. We, I don't want to do it again. You know, one and done.

We have a rat in the house not a snitch we have like an actual like a rat but it's a rat who knows the game he's like not he's not telling on anyone so that's okay he knows how to do we we've been setting those live traps and i've been putting like blueberries and peanut butter and shit and we don't set them we just keep the door up so they can go in and get the get the start catch a power lifter well you don't set them. We just keep the door up so they can go in and get the stuff. Should I catch a power lifter? Well, you don't set the trap, so you're feeding a rat. That's what you just told me? You got to get them used to it, bro.

What? No! Yes, you do. You fucking asshole. Of course you do. You have to get them used to it. If you get them used to it by putting food in the trap, and they go in there, then they go in for sure.

It's not Stuart Little little but if you know they just eat food on the ground bro you have to get them used to the new environment bro that's so it's a trap that's so much more meaner than just setting the trap because now you're building a rapport with this rat you're like it's starting to get used to he's like this nice guy it feeds me every day like wait till i catch him and fuck his wife right in front of him oh wow in a pandemic you're gonna feed the guy and buy him into your house and then fuck his wife what are you doing bro you gotta make him think you're nice i think sean could pull off colored tims i'm the guy that owes money to you that was a red tims statement that was a red tims statement

fucking red bottom tims over here where's your where's your wife at she's fucking some guy with red tims now i saw it coming and then you notice the rat's got a red tim boot print on his face dude that's a chance to do mr marcus he only fucks in red Tims, man. Just the red Tims. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's what I've been up to. Red Tim fucking. No. No, dude. David Borey's also here. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram.

The G is silent on Twitter. How are you, buddy? Good. Good. You know, I hung out this morning. I've read a bunch. What are you reading right now? out this morning i've read a bunch what are you reading right now oh i just started this book called a fan's note by frederick xley it's really really funny by dennis eckersley that's what you're

talking about by dennis eckersley my dude my dad looks so much like dennis eckersley it's it was it's sick the heck you should grow you should grow your hair out man get a mustache going how long you had a long beard i guess and you had a mustache my hair was my hair was shoulder length but like yeah was it in all that yeah it was fucking long dude and it was down to my my bangs were down to my chin like proper like zach before he went fully nuts i don't know if you guys have seen zach lately but zach's thick long now i haven't seen zach lately it is his hair is there yeah you got you got long hair his hair got hired two weeks ago and already got a paycheck what's that johnny depp movie don juan de marco yeah that's what he looks like oh shock a lot no i think you're thinking uh pirates

of the caribbean right i think you're thinking of chocolate i think you're thinking of bebe's kids it's actually benny and june whenever someone says that johnny depp movie i think of benny and june yeah yeah it's really more benny in early july and we're being honest but the bulk of it happens david how's that bottle of sauvage treating you by the way did you bring that from la to denver with you no it's just true i gotta keep it on ice i can't you don't want to get laid in denver not not that much it's maturing it's like wine it's just gonna get more yeah yeah i'm gonna crack it open on my 50th birthday and fuck everybody's wife make the rat watch baby make the rat watch hell yeah holding the rat's eyelids open like look

at him squeezing blueberries in my hands and I waste these I use blueberries for fun dude that's the new AFV merch make the rat watch just on a t-shirt get trailblazing to make that shit that'll be a hot drop bro

explain to your co-workers what your t-shirt means on casual friday nothing casual about that david you out there in colorado like ice road trucking and shit just living and yeah man i've been fishing a lot i'm going to cherry creek to try to bag me a walleye on sunday i don't know what that is it sounds good they say it's good they say it's good eating i'm worried because the keepers like they gotta be like 18 inches to be a keeper there so i don't know if i'm gonna this is all very exciting but yeah i'm i'm i'm outside i'm out i'm out here all fishing everything man the people the people listening everything bro i guarantee you there's a subset of a all family who love fishing man i guarantee it too many things in oregon and colorado

oh yeah exactly exactly they know about it shout out to my ice fishers man trying to get like a grid going on shout to the people out there buoy 10 buoy 10 fishing steelhead fishing fishing you know fishing salmon out there get it get it all my guys with spoon jigs sean's not allowed to say that yeah i was gonna say dude i feel like i should apologize for something everybody pulling my dad one time sturgeon everybody pulling sturgeon out of the columbia shout out to you man hell yeah you should bring that up my dad one time oh boy sean you're not gonna you're not gonna buy this but he got a little drunk and took me fishing one time called you a sturgeon he caught a sturgeon and he didn't know what it was and he was like he caught it and he the look on his face was like we shouldn't keep

this but he tried to smuggle it out and keep it and got busted by the guy at the missouri river and almost got like a thousand dollar ticket for trying to keep like an endangered whatever you can't keep a sturgeon a sturgeon has to be between three and six feet to keep yeah this one wasn't this wasn't a three-foot sturgeon this was like a seven eight inch sturgeon and my dad's like i think we got a dinosaur bud we should keep it i was a kid but now i'm like for what were you gonna do you're gonna take that down to fucking your boy mike and try to steal your car with it i don't know what i don't know what my dad thought was gonna

happen can you do jail time for getting caught smuggling fish i hope i'm sure they could figure out a way with how popped he was i'm sure they'd be like you should be in jail yeah i think you could do jail time for driving your kid drunk. For driving your kid around hammered. You sure can. The sturgeon was just an enhancement. Yeah. That was just an extra three months on the bid. That's how you get hit with the Rico, right? Getting caught smuggling

the fish. That is how they get you with the Rico, for sure. Sturgeon smuggling. That's a federal charge all of a sudden. That's how they got Meek Mills, bro. A lot of people don't know that. That's how they got Meek meek man got caught with a kilo of them sturges man popping willies with sturges on dirt bikes man he was out there living bro they do it different in philly man they ride around on those fucking dirt bikes slap people with sturgeons yeah it's a whole vibe that ain't what you want to say it would hurt to get slapped

with a sturgeon they're fucking covered in spines and shit wouldn't be scary they're scary looking fish me and ivan m carmel have pulled some pulled some sturgeon out of the river keepers too what uh what all right this is going what bait were you using do you remember we're going deep i don't know we wrapped up you rap to the fish you freestyle battle the fish we battled it i my dad rap battled one of the surgeons and he's herman the surgeon and ivan carmel rap battled he's a lawyer he's a courtroom lawyer so like there's really only he's already good at like presenting an argument so he just had to make a rhyme you know what i mean exactly it's closer than you think freestyle rapping and and and the rigors of being an attorney uh that's

why you don't have to go to law school you know what no you gotta go to eight mile or law school yeah if you're a battle rappers could just be lawyers we wrapped up a little i forget what they're called we like little baby fit but we wrapped up a little fish in the mantle of a squid and then threw it down with a big weight. So it landed on the bottom because if you don't other little fish will peel the pull at it. You know what I mean? And you want to eat a hole.

So like the sturgeon will like took the whole thing in. Cause you want to set that. And then you were just kind of like dragging it across the bottom. This is all everybody wants to hear. But I don't think we trolled. I don't think we trolled. I think we just threw it in and waited it just we might have trolled i'd have to ask him well trolling's out of a boat when you just got the big treble hooks and you're like i never caught anything trolling anyways yeah i'm doing good man

i'm happy the sun is shining can't complain had a costco hot dog the other day oh that's a good day that's a good week so good still a dollar 50 they stay on it man i love it did you get condiments how they're gonna make it through oh you're you're a raw dog right you're a you're a dry dog yeah david doesn't like anything on his hot dog i use protection i put mustard on it the only protection you use is the bun that's all you get let me get a hot dog nothing on it. The only protection you use is the bun. That's all you get. Let me get a hot dog. Nothing on it. I just got out and this is what I've been thinking of for 10 years. He likes that hot dog naked. He likes it like John Daly golfing, dude.

Just a bun and nothing else, man. Rip it and rip it. Maybe pour a little vodka on there if you're trying to party. Oh, no. What? Nothing sounds worse to me. Vodka dogs. That's something they have at Tommy Jackson's Sioux Falls.

Like, yeah. Sunday game day. We're cooking all the hot dogs and vodka. Come on down. Reading them with spoons. Like a ceviche. You just chop the hot dog up really fine. Let it soak in the vodka.

Oh, well, that doesn't sound that bad now. I bet that would do the trick, huh? A little lime, right? Depending on what your definition of the trick is, but that would do a trick. Both of you are banned from AFV from here on out. This has been a long time coming. This has been the highlight of my life for sure. This is hot dog blasphemy, and I don't use that term lightly, as you know.

Yeah, hot dog blasphemy, who, by't use that term lightly, as you know. Yeah, hot dog blasphemy. Who, by the way, three years on the 76ers in the late 70s. He was good, man. Yeah. Hot dog blasphemy. Came over from the ABA. Re-adventured the point guard position.

Yeah, yeah. Him and Skip to my Lou were the only two guys to transition from and one into the NBA, I think, right? First of all, his name is Rafer Alston. Please show the man some respect. Oh, I know Rafer. A lot of people say he was the Chilean Larry Bird. It worked out. Manny Ginobili said that in a documentary, in a Tony Parker documentary.

I've been watching a lot of sports documentaries. I haven't watched the Tony Parker one yet. You watched a Tony Parker documentary? Yeah, it was great. Did they talk about his French rapping career? No. What? Really? Yeah, he's a total total rap video yeah you know anything horrible no all right jim appell is probably in there that was the al and i were saying this track right right is that what it was did they talk about him getting glass in his eye when that fight broke out

in uh when he's at that club with puff daddy it was no no puff daddy it was a puff piece man it was like this this guy's great and here's all the highlights he's like you know he the only bad thing that they kind of touched on a little bit was you know the split with him and eva didn't he cheat on eva longoria with brett berry's wife his teammates wife two different scurrilous occasions okay he did cheat on eva but it wasn't with brett berry's wife but he did fuck brett berry's wife but then he purloined brett berry's wife no he fucked brett berry what a frenchman the consummate frenchman consummate french. The consummate Frenchman. Consummate Frenchman.

The consummate Frenchman. That's a red Tim's move. That might even be a baby blue Tim's move. Oh, man. I wasn't going to say it. Shane Brendan is here. Shane with an I. Yes. Yes. Brendan with a B-r-e-n-d-a-n now that's important to remember when you follow him at shane brendan on twitter yeah yeah i mean i'm

not shane torres david was very uh seemed disappointed when i popped i was surprised when i came through uh i feel like you had a bunch of insults loaded up and i told you baby i'm an open season let me have it let. Let me have what Shane was going to get. No, David always is nice to Shane, and then he throws us under the bus. I like that. Yeah, I do like doing that. Because he's never here to defend himself. Shane's amazing.

And then he comes in, and he's hilarious at it. But Sean's just like, oh, Shane cried. He's an idiot. So yeah. We can still get these Shane Torres insults up, even though he's not here. I mean. Yeah. Shane cried. He's an idiot. We can still get these Shane Torres insults up even though he's not here. The last time I saw Shane before the pandemic and the end days, we were at Mississippi Pizza.

He was doing my show. We're in the back bar just talking and hanging out. Out of nowhere, I didn't bring it up or anything. He's like, those fucking guys on the pod always shitting on me, motherfuckers. I was just like, what? It's good to see you guys man uh i miss uh i miss talking to you guys seeing your faces everybody's glowing up david's out there in the wilderness ian's out here getting healthy getting right getting steps sean's out

here kick flipping kids and smacking them with fish i'm loving it man i'm just loving it dude you never had your car now you have you have your own now you you never had a podcast you have your own you have your own podcast this is the only other podcast tell the people about it i listen and i only ever get like i'll listen like because i listen on my walks 20 minutes into it and it's always it's very blue now it gets very blue on your podcast yeah it's uh the first 20 minutes is uh blue and then the last 30 blue is uh it's a family show it's a it opens up it comes together right together at the end on the latest one you were talking about uh seth was talking about this dolphin fucking website which i have to i remember

that website you do yeah i didn't even call it make the dolphin watch it's called it's just called blowhole yeah i don't know man like he told well first of all it's blue look the the pod is called Asphal. Okay. So it's like, you know, we're not giving stock tips and talking about Bible verses out here. It's, it's just two North Portland, St. John's boys just living. We were a rate and review podcast basically. So we like, it started off with us just going around to different, you know, cause the pandemic hit and a lot of local small businesses were hurting, right?

So we're just like, oh, let's hit these food trucks up. Let's help the homies out. You started robbing food trucks. Yeah, we robbed a lot of people, you know, and I would get home with my wares and then we'd sample them and then we'd talk about them and review them. So our rating scale is based off one to four claps uh ass cheek claps yeah and then uh you know one being the worst four being the best but then if it's a way beyond that then we we fall into peaches right peaches one to four peaches like super deluxe we went there the other day juiciest nugs shout out to super deluxe love that place their nugs are off they're wrapped they're they're they're they're so big and they are thick and

you don't ever feel like you're getting a suspect bite all of their nugs are like super juicy and to the end of the it's they're so dope yeah i'm right there with you we gave this a bit no no super deluxe chicken nuggets that are that are fire dude thick nugs man thick nugs we gave that place four claps uh i don't know man it's real neat like people we fuck with the stuff around here in portland and shout out to the twitter fam everybody just gets excited when they hear about shit that they know oh yeah locally we want to hike the forest park portland oregonian or even a portlandian whatever you happen to be or even a greater portland area i and i'm including vancouver in that check out

aspell wasn't it aspell but not tacoma not tacoma not tacoma tacoma stay the fuck out yeah whoa hey i'm not certain i want to come with people listening to all fantasy everything yeah all right come on tacoma strong I'm not certain I want Tacoma people listening to all fantasy everything. Yeah. All right. Come on. Tacoma strong. I like Tacoma.

I actually do. I like Tacoma. I've always liked it. You don't have to, you don't have to sit here and lie. I've had nothing but a good time in Tacoma. Yo, ballers out of Tacoma. I T three,

bro. It's, they're a different breed out there. Tacoma, man. I've only had a good time in Tacoma. The Chihuly Museum. You know?

Yeah. For one. During the pandemic, I drove early on in the lockdown. Early on in lockdown. High five. Construction. A different view of the sound. Yeah.

Rain. I got froggy one day and just got up and drove to the tacoma mall because i wanted to buy a uh a basketball hoop uh just out of nowhere wait what i wanted i wanted to buy a basketball i had to drive all the way to tacoma just to get a you know just to get a hoop and i came home you were like let me let me pay that sales tax for sure let me get out of here yeah what there was no if they didn't have any they were all sold out all around portland hillsborough all that stuff so i just i straight drove to washington because ball is life bro i had to go out there and get in the layup line i feel like about two weeks and a lot of people were like ball is life weightlifting is life yoga is like all these things where people like oh no we don't have any of that now.

I tried to get free weights for like four months. Yeah, I've heard it's like, we should bootleg some free weights. Well, shout out to Nico. He listens. He held me some at dicks, and I had to go pick him up on the low. It was pretty tight. I'm sorry. That's immature.

Don't laugh, Shane. I'm sorry. Nico held your dick, dude? Somebody had to do it, man. Yeah. What do you think prison's like, dude?

You go tell me Nico doesn't hold your dick. You do a nickel. Nico. So listen to ask for anything else you got going on. You want to point the people towards their Shane, any, any NBA two K commercials, anything like that?

What's going on? Oh no. We're one and done with two K. I'll point the people to rooting for the going on? Oh, no. We're one and done with 2K. Hell yeah. I'll point the people to rooting for the Blazers right now, man. Yeah. Shout out to Nurk, man. He got a broken wrist last night.

Broke his wrist. He broke his wrist, huh? Yeah. Yeah. That was a real bummer. The curse of the Blazers, man. They don't stop, dude. Easier to rehab a wrist than an ankle.

I'll say that. Is he out for the season? I don't. Two months, I think. Yeah, he's out for a little bit. Not the season, though. I mean, I broke a couple wrists, and I was back playing for the Sky Force in like a week.

Yeah, but you were a defense. You were more of an Andre Kirilenko type. You were just sort of a defensive specialist. You didn't even need to shoot jumpers, you know? No, God. I never shot the ball once. Nobody ever. No.

No. I didn't want it i don't want the pumpkin when it came time to shoot and i was just i was a d-man i don't think i've ever heard anyone call basketball pumpkin yeah there's a reason for that there it is yeah yeah no that's the south dakota thing for sure yeah zach collins out for who who knows how long what's even wrong with him he broke his ankle. He had two major ankle surgeries within close, in a short time frame. He's a young dude. He's out for the season.

He's out indefinitely. And it just sucks because for whatever numbers he put up, and people were middle ground about him or whatever, it just sucks that such a young dude, right? Ball has been his life for life right and he's just now starting his career and who knows what his potential could be but to get to basically get sidelined and not know where your career is going to go from here on out at like early 20s man mentally that that's got to be just a rough situation to be in

people talk shit online when players get hurt or injured. I'm like, if that's not the person you root for, I understand that, but this is also just a human being who's just been working hard, and it's so unfortunate. So if you're being a troll online about that shit, you can eat my whole fucking sturgeon from the back,

you piece of shit. Yeah, dude, sturgeon from the back. You're right. People should be nicer on the internet. I'm glad someone finally said it. I'm the first one to say it. Hot take. People should be nice on the internet, man. Get them. Especially on that dolphin

fucking website that Seth and Ian like to go to now. It was a good website. Yeah, the guy was pretty serious on that. He seemed pretty earnest. It was an earnest website about dolphin fucking. You watch or I will cut your eyelids off, all right? Yeah.

Was it the same dude that ended up making that documentary about falling in love with an octopus on Netflix? No, different dude, different dude. Same vibe, though. Kind of same vibe. He fell in love with an underwater animal? Well, it's presented in the documentary as kind of like a platonic friendship love, but he for sure let the octopus touch his penis.

Oh, no. It's not in the documentary, but he 100% did. He tentacle hentai'd it? I don't like this. It's a really beautiful documentary, but then at some point- About getting jailed by an octopus? beautiful documentary but then at some point you have to jailed by an octopus no that's not none of that's in the doc but at some point just like on context alone you have to like resolve with yourself that this guy let the octopus touch his penis he had to have he casting couched that

octopus dude it was oh stop it i thought it was a nat geo special and then it quickly turned it out look at how blue we're going oh i, I'm sorry. I brought the Aspel. What is this? Aspel? The only other podcast? Huh? Yeah. I give Octopus fucking two claps, man. I can't go any more than that. That's a max. Yeah. One of those claps

you can get rid of with penicillin. Ah! Okay. Our resident jokester, Sean Jordan. Yeah, I signed the papers the other day man i tell jokes now my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on uh shit jewish wait for it wait for it. Jewish podcast app. Yeah. It's just the regular podcast app. Did you just start going through your apps?

Nah. You did, dude. What are you? No. That was you. On Jewish PDX bus line app. On Jewish jellyfish pillow app, dude. Jellyfish pillow finder. The Julie fishish jelly gelling insoles man with all those jellyfish pillows your place looks like it belongs

to someone named julie fish and she's just kind of kooky you know yeah yeah she's a she's a real wingnut that girl you got a heron and pillows in the same room. That's like a saltwater, freshwater, mixed signals, dude. I got to come in there. I'm going to come in. I'm going to decorate. Your living room is set, Trippin, for sure. Look at this gigantic leather ottoman, bro. I feel like your queen was responsible for the heron and the jellyfish and that, right?

Correct. Was there a fight? Did you have to put up a fight to get the skateboard up there because i feel like you suggested it the whole outside of the house we're gonna paint like it's downtown sioux falls so i have to make some concessions on the inside that's yeah how many unused bench presses do you have to be out in your front yard for it to fully look like Sioux Falls? They're all used, but they're being used by people

we don't know. It's like one of those community libraries that people have posted up in front of their houses like leave a book, take a book thing. Absolutely, except I'm here. It's like Swole Patrol stopped right through my front yard. Stop and push some weights. I got Ice-T playing and Big Daddy Kane all the time.

Front yard back here. I push rhymes like weight. I push rhymes like weight. That song? We were in Wisconsin one time and they had the weight thing at one of the stoplights and Ian was like,

oh, check this out. Check this out. Be quiet. And he goes, I push rhymes like weight. There's a little short cop reference for you i have nothing to promote i am no long i am for the time being not on the late late show anymore though i'm still in the kitchen because they went back to the studio and with the covid numbers in los angeles right now i don't feel safe going back into the studio yet so your boys self-preservation i made

the i made the executive order and uh i'll be back in there at some point back on uh back on the desk but for the time being all fantasy everything is the only place you can catch ian carmel content nice catch it nice we got you some of those exclusive colorways. Exclusive colorways, yeah. Be safe. Are you dying them? No. Where are you getting them from? What, are we just going to start ripping off David's favorite lyrics now?

Where are you getting them colors? Are you dying them? I also hate that lyric as much as windowpane probably. Wait, why'd you say hate? Cool shoes. Did you dye those? Fuck you, Carmel. that lyric as much as windowpane probably wait why'd you say hey oh cool shoe cool shoes did you dye those fucking dweeb what kind what does that even mean did you make those yourself i'm key one i'm in the saint lunatics i don't dye my shoes who dyes their shoes give me five people middle schoolers man i don't know there's probably five door school students yeah yeah yeah i'm into

uh i've been i've been following a lot like sneakerhead uh ig websites and stuff and there are hypebeasts out there dying shoes uh but they they're they're not cool looking no they're pretty bad they're pretty bad i believe it anyways you know are we drafting today nah man this is a draft just came to kick it just came to kick oh yeah those walls are or porcelain why clean got some Got some clean. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nancy Meyers up in here, dude. Looking good.

Nancy Meyers. I like the slats on your roof. It kind of makes it feel like an inside-outside vibe. It's fully slatted. Yeah. Is that what you call a day room? This is what we're going to turn into the office. I'm going to get some hardwood flooring put in here.

And then the next step is is get convincing dana to come in here so i can play video games all day yes yeah that's step two i'm one hardwood floors harsh hard ass hardwood that wood is hard it's called it's called horror now we are gathering here today not only to accuse wood of being horrid and having horrid horrid bro but also to fancy draft game shows yeah yeah now i in there's a clear number one on my list and at least one other person's list and for that reason and that reason alone i'm going to be participating in rock paper scissors oh oh shit wow just on the odd chance that i win i've never won i've done it three times i don't think i've ever won rock paper scissors but i will be participating wow i thought you were just joking in the group chats.

You're moving your raps. I'm jumping in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this is all real shit. I don't lie in my raps to sell records. Yeah. Well, fuck him and fuck you, too. Or wait.

I thought this was going to be fucking friendly. Ian's coming in. Oh, I'm coming in. Coming in, ripping the fucking shirt off. Well, the way that we determine the order is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the four of us. Now, I don't know exactly how a four-way rock, paper, scissors works. I don't either.

Let's figure it out. Mars is going to say, should Mars say it? Sure. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense, right? You know what's going to happen? Because this is my podcast and I'm so passionate about getting it i'm gonna let the three of you throw and then i'm gonna jump in and you gotta play the boss i guess that's why they call it window pain dude

sign me up yeah oh okay i'll call the first one mars and then you call the second one here's the first round okay i gotta buy a week rock paper scissor shoot oh oh god rock paper scissor shoot oh fuck you shane shane now you gotta play me dude delicious smasher so he won yeah fucking ian's over here on load management right now i've been i'm busting my ass on back-to-backs. Let's go. No, I bet you he uses protection. Yeah. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, let's go again.

Oh, boy. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, now it's two. First one, paper, paper. This one, scissors, scissors. Let's go, baby. Let's go. For the folks at home. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh! Shaveon with the upset oh damn shane make me first do it do not make him first do not make him first give you in the hot corner he likes to go last you know remember remember early comcast sports net nbc sports days i i was a i you know what I mean? I really put in some good words for you. I really did.

Oh, damn. Yeah, remember the ginger ale, Shane? Remember the Titans? Okay. You know, Ian never liked you when he met you. When he first met you, he didn't like you. I had to talk, I talked him into it. Can we just, for the record, say that Wood Harris was like 43 years old and remember the Titans?

Yeah. And looked like a teen? He's never gonna age i don't think yeah i just watched i just watched above the rim he looks exactly the same he's always been he's always been 43 i've never seen him younger or older he's a motherfucking soldier yeah okay above the rim here this i'm gonna i'm gonna. I'm going to go with my heart. I'm going to go with what's right. And I'm going to go with my guts. I'm going to go Ian.

Yes! Yes! Whatever. Yes! And then I'm going to go me. Then I'm going to go Sean. Then I'm going to go David. Damn, I don't want to. is this because i said the thing about

asian guys with curl fades that's where you get for spelling s-e-a-n sean yeah put an h in there you fucking animal put an h in there the name ian is in shane the way shane spells it ian is inside me yeah i'm inside his eye is I and I am him brotherhood I have the first pick and we will get to that pick Ian is now slim with a tilted brim yeah what's your name fool yeah dude yeah alright cool

you are slim with a tilted brim I just said that this is why you're not in the text thread wait this is why they're not in the text thread. Wait, this is why they call it window pain. This feeling I'm feeling now. Just when I think it can't hurt anymore, it hurts a little more.

God, what? It's 90% pain, really. It's hard to say it's even 10% pleasure at this point. Yeah. Damn it. Yeah. There's not a lot of, it's, there's still,

do you ever laugh so hard when we do this? You don't understand why other people like it. Yeah. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I can't. I'm like, all right, you guys want to let's do that's cool man i think i just know charm what did you call it when you had to go pee earlier what did you say

squeak i'll take a squeak yeah i think i just squeezed i just squeezed a little bit squamping off that's what you do the night before you get out of jail and nothing else. Squish, squish, squish. You squip off. Then you get out and take a squeegee on the first cop car. Yeah, my squeegees go better when I've been squimping off. Sometimes it goes all over the... If you squimp off too much, it goes all over the place when you take your first squeegee. Sean, this is a family podcast. There's children who listen to anymore man i guess that's why your family's gonna call it windowpane if they just heard that last part take your red tims off you know where i got those let that rat go and stop squeezing off yeah man first pick let's go we'll get to that first pick right after this short break

where hopefully we fucking wash Sean's mouth out with soap for God's sake we'll be right back this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by schedule 35 now microdosing is an absolute game changer I have

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b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply and we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast to ever exist except of course for ass pill but that's it those are the two i love it that's all for an ass pill, but that's it. Those are the two. I love it. That's all the medium has had to contribute. That's it. You hear a lot of talk about podcasts, and it's because of those two. All day.

I got squeegee coming out of my eyes, man. I'm laughing too hard. Oh, you got to go to the doctor, man. Go to the doctor by the Lloyd Center, though. Big Squeegee big squeegee had a couple songs uh on swish had some hits had some hits had some hits r.i.p dj screw yeah yeah big squeegee and paul wall love that track it's time for the first pick of the game shows sean jordan all fantasy everything uh fantasy draft it's time for the first pick

and i have the first pick ian carmel what what kind of draft is it bud oh god oh man oh god i i took you i just gave me your lunch so hard that i forgot i forgot to even do that part have fun because i packed a poop sandwich today but oh my god now for the listeners at home we've already picked the order but uh just so the listeners at home know understand what that order is going to be it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question it's like if you get a scratchy lotto and uh you don't really know how to play it but you want to have fun with it anyways and so you just that's what i do and i've i've always found this a good way to explain a serpentine draft

is you just start at the top left corner and you scratch over a little bit all the way to the right. And then you can see the tops of all the numbers. And then you scratch down a little bit and then just kind of scratch all the way back over to the left. And then you can see a little bit more of the numbers. And then you're like, maybe I'll read the rules and see how to actually play this scratchy lotto. And then you read the rules and realize that you don't like reading. You just like scratching. So you scratch, you go down to the left,

scratch over to the right a little bit. You can see more of the numbers, and then you go down a little bit and scratch over to the left. Then you can see all the numbers, but you still need the dollar amounts. You're like, oh, I wonder how much I'm going to win. And then you go down to the left, scratch over, and you see the dollar amounts,

and you win a dollar. You win your money back, and you got a good five minutes of entertainment out of it, and so it's worth it. I'd say go buy some scratchy lottos and have fun. Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round and you pick first in the second round.

With that in mind, it is time for the first pick. Oh boy. It's my first pick. Don't make me regret it. Levin, you have the first pick, man. Don't make me regret it. It has to go first. It's going to be wild if it does yeah yeah uh what is the first pick it's jeopardy that's what it is

yeah had to be had to fucking be it's it's it's the perfect game right up there with it's the perfect game show it's right up there with seinfeld and the simpsons for the thing i've watched the most yeah yeah i spent the most amount of my time watching it's probably number one there's no losing with jeopardy you you either get a bunch of questions right and you feel dope or you learn stuff and it's fantastic alex was just the perfect game show host just in just a little salty enough just to just enough to like pour it in the wound a little bit but also very caring and loved all the contestants yeah but not like in that way the the other game show where that guy kissed everybody no i don't think alex trebek was even kind of a sleazy game show host ever he'd oh it's one thing

he never had a chance yeah he was beautiful back in the day young stud young stud oh yeah honestly he's a game show host but he he got around dude i think he he he dragged that double jeopardy around town a little bit i think let's just say he made the rat watch yeah oh that's a double jeopardy right there what are you gonna do yeah what are you gonna do what is adultery how how often did you guys watch it uh the like the college jeopardy one oh yeah those are the best ones because you're like all right i might get this kids jeopardy forget about it i'd crack a 40 on kids jeopardy well i love, I love the College Jeopardy one because I would see the Ivy League kids would come on there and they get something wrong and I'm like, I knew you weren't

smarter than me. I go to state school. I go to regular college. We're not so different, you and me. Dartmouth. Yeah, fuck you. Dude, I went to Yale with a J, you know what I'm talking about? Same college. Damn it. jay you know i'm talking about same college oh no sean wasn't it you for a while posting ig stories about jeopardy stuff yeah we'd sit at the crib every day and post final jeopardy and then adam started to get pissed at me because he didn't

watch it till later but he would see my stories and it would wreck the answer for him. So I stopped doing it. You never posted the answers, though, did you? I would. Yeah, I'd wait like an hour and then I'd post the answer. And it also got to be too many messages to answer

back because I feel like a jerk if I don't answer back. You would text me the clues sometimes. You would text me. I still try to. Somebody on Twitter try to somebody on twitter i should say that's inside of trading what are you doing texting ian yeah that's what are you doing that's yeah that's not i feel like it's in in the middle of a stressful work day it can be very fun to get a trivia question that's what i think it's great it is great it would always boister it would bolster and boister me and it's fun i don't know adam always used to do it to me back in the day, I think. And then he would text me and Joe or me and Frat.

But yeah, he'd always send Final Jeopardy. And I always got stoked. Like, cool, this is fun. If I don't have time to watch Jeopardy that day, at least I got Final Jeopardy. So it's rad. It's just the fucking best. It makes you feel smart. It translates to Trivial Pursuit being maybe my favorite board game yeah which i love

and i'm now tied with my with my girlfriend four four i want to i want a four nothing lead and then she's battled back and now it's four four really yeah yeah i'm afraid to do the next one are you best out of nine finals dave you good at are you good at trivia stuff no yeah i'm okay i guess i'm like average i think they used to do when i was doing my show uh the weekly show here there was a trivia it was like trivia night before the comedy show and i get there early set up and i'd be standing in the back and it's always packed out and i just never understood the excitement in the like people would just be like jacked up ready for some trivia stuff one thing pops out that i thought was kind of fucked up problematic i didn't bring it up with the host but they had uh it was like they put up different pictures of different

comedians and you had to like guess who the comedian was all big names right like first First one was Seinfeld. Second one was, it was like Seinfeld. It was, oh God, it was Louis back at that time. And then it was like, it was like Bill Murray, not a standup, but you know. And then the last one was Wanda Sykes, right? No one knew who Wanda Sykes was. They knew all the white people. But then when it came up to Wanda Sykes, they had nothing. And I'm standing in the back, and I'm just gritting my teeth.

Nothing. Nothing. And there was another one. It was much like Curb Your Enthusiasm, which is a very white show that she's all over. It was a Wanda Sykes, and they couldn't pull it off. And that stuck in my crawl the whole night. It ruined the show for me. I thought she was like Cross the Gap she is well absolutely unfortunately this crowd uh predominantly

not wanda sykes people i guess uh and it now you're talking about a trivia night crowd in portland oregon you're in your southeast portland trivia crowd that's a north now that's a north mississippi street uh they don't they don't fuck with the psychs apparently yeah they're stuck in my butt a little bit but yeah game shows love it people like trivia because it's like a it's a school pickup game you know what i mean that's why like people are trivia nights it's like it's like 21 anybody can jump in yeah yeah yeah anybody can jump in and it's fun. You still get to kind of flex that muscle. Jeopardy just is so, like, I just love trivia.

I don't know. I think it's just fun to know things about the world and know little facts like that. It's the particular kind of smart I am. That was an early stand-up joke of mine, was I'm not smart. I'm just Jeopardy smart. Hey, cake. Get it how you can get smart. Like, if anything ever goes wrong, like if the president's like,

there's an asteroid headed for Earth, get me Ian Carmel. And I'd be like, Tallahassee is the capital of Florida. Does that do anything for you? No? All right. That's it. Yeah, Jeopardy. Had to be the number one pick.

Rest in peace, Alex Trebek. Absolutely. Shane, time for your first pick you know it was gonna be when i put down jeopardy i was thinking to myself like why even write this down if i'm not going first it's not gonna happen so good job you could have gone first you're insane i don't know i don't know why you didn't well i'm in i'm in i'm in debt to a certain person on this podcast and uh why didn't david go first then because he put that ginger ale shit out there and i don't come on my wife to know about that you're bringing up old shit look you know how much david nine thousand dollars in cryptocurrency though that's what it is yeah yeah i don't like a reasonable amount on it some people might believe Sean, I'm surprised you don't have all your money in cryptocurrency.

It's just cryptocurrency. It's just blue Monopoly money. Yeah. It's just a pile of blue rags under his back. I take someone downstairs and there's just like all the blue clothes I could get from a goodwill. Yeah, it's my cryptocurrency. Sean's like, I'm not liquid right now. All my money is tied up in blue face.

Just the rapper. He just blue faces. Did I tell you? Did I tell you I saw him at the airport once? You did? You saw Blueface at the airport? Yeah. Damn.

Was he nice? Seemed like he wasn't flying first class. And no, he's not nice. I think that guy's kind of a bad person. Yo, he was in coach? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. Which, fuck that guy, dude.

Hell yeah. I have my feelings on him. Hell yeah. Anyways, saw'm at the airport once i sat i sat across the aisle from gary trent jr on a delta coach flight uh his uh his rookie season and uh took everything in me not to fanboy out because it was so early on he had just got drafted i was thinking to myself i bet he would like that someone notices him you know he had his hoodie pulled way down he's a coach that rookie contract didn't have a lot of money and i waited until i got all the way

off the plane walking down the you know walk through the airport got the baggage claim and i looked at him i go hey man welcome to rip city and he looked at me he looked at me and he goes what's that i was like ah nothing and i just left nothing nothing i brought it up again when i was on the show years later i was like hey man i ran into you at the airport he's like nah i was like it wasn't a yes or no question but okay i'll leave now anyway i ran into the airport yeah i tried to get out of my contract after that what was he doing in coach he signed an nba contract and his dad was rich his dad was in the nba too he's staying humble. That's how you stay rich.

Yeah, man. You live below your means, bro. I was on a flight with Hassan Whiteside in October. I remember you texted us that. Yeah. Did he have...

That was a first class situation. Me and Dulce Sloan were on a flight with Angela Lansbury once. Whoa. Whoa. That's way better. I didn't notice,

but then when we got to the back, Dulce was like, did you see murder she wrote? I can hear her saying that. Yeah, it was great. Shout out to Dulce. I've been on flights with, I sat next to TI on a flight from LA to Atlanta for the Super Bowl. Yes. I remember you saying that. That's crazy.

I got his cold. He had a cold. How many times did he use the word splendiferous in a sentence when he was talking to you? It was a lot. Yeah. It was a lot. That boy loves syllables, man. It was the main word he used.

He does love syllables. Splendiferous. And then with Afro Man, I was on a flight somewhere, too. I forget where, but I was on a flight with Afro Man. That seems like a much different situation. Less syllables. He was in first class, too. Yo, word? No, I mean, he just doesn't seem like a super happy situation. Less syllables. He was in first class too. Yo, word?

I mean, he just doesn't seem like a super happy guy. He mostly just does pimp stuff now, I think. Like actual pimping? That's the market. Actual pimping. I think he's involved in like the pimp pageants and stuff like that. The pimp pageants? That's so much better than the player's ball.

The pimp pageant? You want to talk about colored Tims? No, exactly. you go to a pimp pageant oh yeah no i got my i got my kid into pimp pageants early a lot of people think it's not good for kids but i think it builds character it's just it's good to focus on something you know toddlers tiara's pimp dude they really they really are pimp pageants at this point no they really are pageants though they like yeah so it's like a swimsuit you come out and you're it's like it's a dress right it's like evening evening versus poolside pimp wear which is very different what would be one of the questions they would ask you in a pimp for the talent section not the talent like you know how they

ask like a question a smarty pants question to the in the miss universe stuff what's a question you think you would get asked the pimp pageant i can't even call it well the questions would be the same it would be the answer that would be different you know what i mean it'd be like what do you like what are your thoughts on global warming you know and they'd be like i meanippin ain't dead! I mean, my thoughts, really, I've been thinking about this a lot. I mean, the only way, only way, I don't need it. I'll let the welfare feed her.

So basically, we just got to stop with all the emissions. And then, I mean, you know, with the electric cars being advanced nowadays, I mean, there's really no reason to be driving around in a gas car. I mean, Elon, you know, Elon. I didn't give you my permission to raise those emissions. You know, if it's too hot, you got to sleep in a cot. You know,

that's it. Make it rhyme. And it's an answer. But seriously, though, my weakness, just put it out there. Shane,

what is your first pick? Okay. All is a man i when i first saw this uh started watching this show as a kid it was like it was like a goal of mine i was like when i when i become a grown-up i'm gonna work out i'm gonna be very athletic very strong and i'm gonna come back to orlando where they were shooting this thing and i'm gonna fuck up every one of these american gladiators sons of bitches fucking i'm coming for your ass blaze laser blaze taser yeah gemini gemini megan the stallion Megan Thee Stallion Del the Funky Homo Safia

OJ the Juice Man They got OJ the Juice Shooting the tennis balls At people Dude they had I mean It was crazy They'd have like

Former pro Like athletes Former NFL stars That are now And like college athletes too Right D1 type athletes dude they had i mean it was crazy they'd have like former pro like athletes former nfl stars that are now and like college athletes too right d1 type athletes it'd be like it'd be like gemini was like the big black dude i know they always had him on the joust thing uh young in shape naturally bald guys that's what i remember to be like gemini he was a former uh star, blah, blah, blah. Huge guy versus Carl. He's a manager at a radio shack in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And they show him jousting and you're like, bro, go easy on Carl.

His wife's watching probably. Oh, God. Do I remember this right? Or did the American gladiators never have on safety equipment? Nah, they never wore helmets. I feel like they made the people wear helmets and shit and the gladiators were have on safety equipment? Nah, they never wore helmets. I feel like they made the people wear helmets and shit, and the gladiators were like, nah. Yeah, they were fine.

Yeah, it was the 90s, man. Really the first and only time I ever heard the word pugil. Pugil? Pugil sticks. Weren't they pugil sticks? They would call those joust things pugil sticks, if I'm not mistaken. Probably.

I think you're right. That sounds specific enough to be right. Like, what is a pugil sticks they would call those joust things pugil sticks if i'm not mistaken probably i think you're right that sounds like civic enough to be right like what is a pugil yeah they wouldn't have had to pay me to be a gladiator that would have just been too fun but to all i remember watching people try to run up the escalator and i'm like bro run up the fucking thing everything else you've done looks hard run up the escalator i do that yeah i'm a child and i do that for fun do it i mean they definitely leave me watching tennis balls of people remember when they like don't you have to like run through a door and one of them might be on the other side yeah like a pad or something like how fun would that be just like bam now you didn't like but they're running full speed man i don't care how thick that pad is like you're when malibu the cool surfer dude who weighs like 230 pounds with 1% body fat, is standing there and he fucking shocker, bro, and fucking knocks your fucking block off.

You can't go home to your family after that shit. People got CTE off that. Oh, yeah, man. That guy played, Malibu played professional water polo, and there isn't a professional water polo league. You know what I mean? That guy's in shape. Every time he went to Pismo beach he just started one yeah it was tight watching him run through the door that didn't have the like when they when they thought there might be a gladiator on the other side and

there wasn't they just looked like some drunk idiot that went falling through a door yeah that show was hazardous uh to your health but me and my little brother definitely tried to recreate a lot of these uh different things running through the door the jousting i got grounded a lot pillows on either side of me you try to put a like the football in the trash can behind me that one for days we used to do that oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah their version of american gladiators version of football it's just like run with it and try to put it in the thing. Remember those like buoy garbage cans they had that you'd have to throw the shit

in, but they would move on you? Yeah. Those are early stages of XFL energy in there. You know what I mean? As far as I was concerned, those tennis ball guns were the height of military technology. Those were the coolest things invented at the time developed

in conjunction with the israeli military and shit like that yeah you always wanted to figure out a way like how could i get one of those to my home yeah is that right and if anybody manufactures them this is just to send out i will pay upwards of 2k yeah yeah we're adults now yeah oh we're gonna get one in your front yard to shoot people without a mask on? Ian, can we just set up gladiators in your backyard? I think we could. I think it's big enough. Yeah.

Let's get singlets, dude. Oh, my God. This would be nuts. That would be the... Oh, my God. I'm not going singlet, though. Just the bikini. Just the bottom. All right.

Yeah. Okay. Good nights. We'll do a gladiator game at Water Village Gladiators late coming this summer. I'm going to play as God intended, but naked. And we'll see who wins. Like the Greeks. The original Olympics.

I'm only going to wear a stick of butter all over my body and that's about it. That's a body. All over my body. That's a different tournament. You got to die. Somebody's going to die from that. You hit me with a tennis ball

while your dong is hanging out? I can't, I can't look my daughter in the eye anymore. Yeah, you gotta, I got a kid. I got a child. You gotta do this

when my kid is watching? What the fuck? We gotta think up new Gladiator names. Stand up like, ouch, Turbulence, that tennis ball hit my body.

Is that gonna be your name turbulence damn i like turbulence that sounds so gross for some reason i don't know why there could be another gladiator named wet oh you don't get to name any more gladiators turbulence was good wet there's two you've gone too far i'm gonna be late night one word with a k l l l and the number eight right or are you just spelling it out oh we gotta go no no no that's too far that's too far like this is'm still, I'm going 90 still.

I feel like that, that didn't come around until AOL Instant Messenger days. I want to, I want to be camouflage. Bro, that's hard. Camouflage. That's hard. That is hard. And you don't want anybody to call you camo. They have to call you by your full name.

No, I'm camouflage. If it's short, you call him flage. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, David's got that so Flage that he's wearing the whole time. Oh, Flages. Flages, that's a whole different guy.

Yeah, Flages are way different. Oh, my God. Flages is what they call them at home. Different colored dyed Timbs on Flage. Yeah, he has a red one and a green one. He's got Timbin stocks. They're like Birkenkenstocks but made out of timbs dude he's got a different it's just got jamaican flags airbrushed all over his timberlands yeah flage where you getting them colors are you dying them yeah i am actually a dying yes yep a lot of money to die these. I also dabble in haberdashery.

You got any more questions, dick? Dabble in haberdashery. That's a beautiful combination of words. It worked out. It worked out. Flage dabbles in haberdashery. Flage dabbles in haberdashery. Share it with your American Gladiator name.

Oh, man. Maybe something like ripples. Ripples is fine. Yeah i maybe something like ripples ripples like ripples turbulence camouflage late night and ripples dude because we are coming to the party in this scenario see people think i'm soft because of the name ripples right but then yeah keep in mind i take the shirt off your boys cut you know i got the abs ripples like on the side shit. Oh, yeah. The striation. Those are weird, man. Is that the scientific term? Lats?

I haven't done a crunch in years. The lats are up here. Lats are like the- Is that what he's talking about? Lats are your Goldbergs, right? Your neck muscles. He's talking about the oblique. Yeah.

He's talking about the oblique muscles here on the side. Oh, directly to the side of the abs. Yeah. Ain't shit bleak about these obliques, baby. Memphis bleak all day. Yeah, Memphis bleaks. The ripples. Those Daniel Craig's.

Because that's what I'm hitting you with. When you're running through that door, I'm not even holding the pad. You're running into the ripples, baby. But you do speak in a very high voice. Ripples. Like that. Yeah, I do. Oh, man, I'm going to fuck you up today, baby.

Ripples is coming for you. Hi, Ripples. Why don't you get out of here? She chose me. Yeah, I'm going to make your wife watch, baby. Ripples. We got to hurry this shit up. I got to get to the pimp pageant after this.

Let's speed this shit up. Sean, it's time for your first pick. This game show I've always loved. I feel like Steve Harvey is the king of the clock. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Before you go, before you go, Jeopardy is off the table. Go ahead. I, wait, wait. Before you go, Jeopardy is off the table. It is. You took it. I know. I know. I would be

a bad Jeopardy fan if I did not want it to go first, even if I hadn't picked it. I would be so bummed if Jeopardy went third, just so I could pick it. King Solomon over here. Okay, great. I'm out here, man. Each of you can have half the baby. No, no, you take it.

That's Sean Jordan. I don't want that baby. I got the heads on the ripples that baby don't look like me family feud dude family feud yeah dude i i was thinking of two specific things that steve harvey like to stick out so one time i forget the question but the the dude said an answer and steve harvey goes now i don't always know what's on the board but i know what's not on the board and then another one it was a guy they were like what comes after pork or something and the guy said q pine and steve harvey goes over and he goes he gonna say q pine and then he laughed for like a minute and a half that charming my mouth looks tiny because my

mustache is so big steve harvey laugh he laughed for as many seconds as there were buttons on his suit that's how the lighting he was he he crushes that show there are sitcoms that aren't as funny as steve harvey yeah dude he's so naturally funny he's amazing he's and i like the other hosts you know what i mean but like they're all fine steve harvey is amazing at that job nobody doesn't like it he's fucking he's jordan on the bulls there's it's just there's no one better he's so people say he just does like he's just on the whole time like when he's on set he's just killing time talking to the crowd like being steve harvey like a steve harvey ass motherfucker like you know like he does with boogie in kings of comedy where it's like man i you're just dope to be around i bet yeah yeah man he yeah he he man he's got big

like uh my like uncle roasting you uh like but politely vibes yeah you know you say something at the dinner table, he's like, this boy, he's going to say cute pine over here. But you feel good about it. That's like Paramount and a host where it's like they can make fun of you, but you don't feel bad. You're in on it and it's charming. You're just like, I'm so excited. This is great.

You made me feel great for saying something kind of stupid. Family Feud, what I was looking for in all these and i'm sure you guys were too like everybody is in on it you can sit in the living room 20 people can watch it and be chilling you can always go off on a tangent you don't need to pay attention the whole time it's just it's fun it's not hard you can always everyone can always guess you you don't feel bad about yourself okay i'm just gonna throw this out real quick steve harvey probably a top 100 smelling person on earth.

I'm just guessing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd buy that candle. I like that wick. Great. I bet he smells amazing. Like mustache oil, hardwood, you know. All of it.

I think he's bringing back like exotic tinctures from the fucking Far East and shit like that. Oh, he smells got frankincense and myrrh here i'll tell you this i'll tell you this top five smelling steves top one smelling steve i can't think of a steve that would smell better i i think on the poll on the opposite smith steven a smith probably smells great too but those are the two steven a smith yeah steve buscemi probably not a good smelling Steve. No. I don't do that.

I think that Steve Buscemi's like low-key and a real smooth operator, man. I think he smells fine. Yeah? I don't think he smells like Steve Harvey. No, I mean, that's fair. I'm saying compared to Steve Harvey. Steve Wynwood, only Steve to be in both categories.

You're really pushing that Wynwood agenda. Another one of four things about five white Protestant male vocalists. Charitable. Stevie Wonder? What's he smell like? Spray laced. God fearing. Smells like Steve Harvey?

All these adjectives are for white basketball players. Is that like smells like teen spirit? Smells like Steve Harvey? All these adjectives are for white basketball players. Is that like, smells like teen spirit? Smells like Steve Harvey? I bet Steve Nash smells good. Oh, yeah. Seems like he moisturizes. Conditions. Smells great. Smells like tar.

Anyway, Family Feud. I'm sure we need to move it along a little bit. Where did the Tumpy Horn first and second picks? First pick, still on the board. Classic. I love that they've never changed the set. It's just a fun game show to play, and you don't ever know what you're talking about, but you have a good time.

Price is right. Yeah. Price is right. It's on the Coda Boy, Bob Barker. It's really fun. It's just really fun. Yeah. Price is Right. It's on the Kota boy, Bob Barker. It's really fun. It's just really fun. Yeah. We film in the same studio, and you can just walk around and go look at the Price is Right

games down in their warehouse. It's fucking rad. It's so fun. That's so cool. Yeah, man. Have you ever seen The Wheel? The big wheel? I've seen The Wheel.

Did you touch it? Did you touch it? Did you touch it? I didn't touch it. It's behind a case kind of thing. You can't touch it. I'm so curious as to how heavy it is. Yeah. Because I always feel like I could rip that thing.

It looks like it's got some weight to it. You probably could. You're very strong. I think you could rip it. I think I could fucking rip that thing. Rip it and rip it, baby. The Price is Right set a precedent that kind of carried on far beyond the game where anytime people were betting something, if it was a dollar amount,

you do that kind of dickhead move where you just pick one dollar above or below them, and you win. Absolutely. I feel like that's led into Jeopardy for sure, where people are like, wow, I'm just going to, or not Jeopardy. What am I? I'll stop. Are you talking about Jeopardy, the one I picked?

My pick? My first pick? Jeopardy. The Price is Right guess is it's a scurrilous, low-character move, but you've got to do it if you're on there. Yeah, I mean, you've got to go for it. I wish they'd pan over to the look the other person is giving when that...

I wish they would just kind of be like, just like that, bro. Just that look. yeah it's like dog you it's some dude dressed up like he's got a costume he's like in a milk carton costume and some marine just picked like uh five hundred dollars for the wash and dryer set and then the fucking dickhead milk carton guy's like 501 it's like you don't even support your troops bro what are you doing you're gonna end up missing on the side of that carton, you don't even support your troops, bro. What are you doing? He has a warrior. You're going to end up missing on the side of that cart if you don't play your cards right.

Damn. Yeah, Price is right, man. I always like Plinko. I like watching the little Plinko. I like the mountain climber guy. Yeah. Oh, that one is fun, too. And it kind of... I can't see my hand yeah he goes right over i like how

price is right pioneered like the it's a new car everyone was always waiting to hear that and when they didn't when they're like it's a lawnmower set and they're like i want a new fucking car dude i don't want to settle on mowers i love the yeah i love the most it's the most random prizes at the showcase too that great show man you get a lot of turtle wax dolby surround sound speakers you're like bro like she didn't get turbo tax 98 for windows and all expenses pay trip to manitoba canada they're like don't try to polish that turd dog i know i'll go to Manitoba, Canada. Beautiful Manitoba. They would do that, and they're like, don't try to polish that turd, dog.

I know. I'll go to Manitoba for free. That's fine. I'll go. Yeah, they got food, and they got bars, so I'll go. Bro, now that I'm older, when I used to watch that shit, and somebody would win a new RV or a boat or something like that, I'd be like, man, that's tight.

And then as I've gotten older older and i understand how sales tax and shit like that works i'm like yo you are fucking me right now it's like i went a brand new uh i don't know i went like a brand new car then they hit you with like well you still have to pay taxes on this car i'm like what are we even doing here just give me the give me the give me the taxes though say again a lot is it a lot man because I know I'd be broke on that show. A couple thousand. A couple thousand. Get a year's supply of macaroni cheese.

Jet ski is what I want. I want a jet ski. I don't see myself ever buying myself a jet ski, but I do see myself using one. That would be the best. You win something that you're like, I would never have bought this. That's what I'd be looking for. Like a fucking gun from American Gladiators. They should give those away on the prices, right?

Ooh, crossing platforms there. There you go. I keep thinking about it. David, time for your segundo pick. My second pick, taking it in a little different direction than these first ones. These first ones were more of the classic game shows. This is definitely more of a new school arc season style.

I'm going with RuPaul's Drag drag race oh wow there you go yeah yeah the first season i ever watched was with sharon needles and then you know i lived with solomon so we watched it all the fucking time that show has they can really do it all man i've never seen it i hear amazing things i never should you would i mean i've probably seen an episode or two but i've never well i don't know anything about it it's hilarious regrettably this calls into question it is it is a game show but like does this open us up to all the competition shows i was just thinking about that i think it because they're you judge them but um i don't i don't think i have any on here i david's saying that just opened up a whole whole other section for me that I didn't even think about. Yeah, I mean, I have a couple, but I'm for it either way.

I'm going to a one-two combination here. I'm allowing RuPaul's Drag Race, and then let's keep the rest of them off the board, because it is a category unto itself. Okay. All right, that's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen RuPaul's Drag Race race but people fucking go crazy for it it's it's just got everything you know what i mean alaska thunderfuck that was somebody from oh yeah drag race right yeah oh yeah bob the drag queen it's just like it's very funny they're all highly skilled and then they have like they

have like chops like so many other challenges are just showing off your chops like showbiz type chops it's just what are the challenges it'll be like make a funny sketch and they make all their own clothes too oh damn so it's it's just like it's like a lot of different things and it's it's just it's really fun and it's like if you follow it they have people have beef and there's arguments and there's like if you're gonna watch it though you gotta watch a whole season you can't just like okay it's like it's like worth it to invest in i've been looking for a new show and that might that might have to be it get up on it yeah get up on it it sounds like i have finished 16 and a half seasons of gray's anatomy so i'm

current you finished it up we're current so we're we're caught up wait is that show still on it's still going 17 seasons deep man they're like yeah that is a lot yeah dude it's dope that's one of the more impressive things you've ever done and that's no commentary on the rest of the things you've done you're an impressive person overall but that's like that's wild that's commitment yeah that's wild. That's commitment. Yeah. That's perseverance. Do you find yourself drawing on it a lot? Like, just like, oh, this reminds me of season four, episode 16 of Grey's Anatomy. I don't have them that down, but I, yeah, I mean, I'd situations for sure.

You know, they were in Sioux Falls in one of those episodes. I had to make an emergency landing. They get off the plane and they go, I don't even know where we are. And she goes, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, I guess. And I was like, oh, and I broke the TV. We had to get a new TV. RuPaul's Drag Race.

It sounds like a more fun, what is it? America's Next Top Model, right? Just like more entertaining version. It's like a reality show. Yeah, absolutely. Your pick. I'm going to go. model right just like more entertaining version it's like a reality yeah yeah absolutely your pick uh i'm gonna go i've always loved this game show uh it's so fun to watch and they just it's getting no no sorry sorry sorry i took jeopardy already that was the first pick actually i wasn't listening you already took jeopardy i took jeopardy it was the first pick i had the

first pick and i took it so Alex Trebek's Jeopardy? Alex Trebek's Jeopardy, Merv Griffin's Jeopardy. Every edition. Johnny Gilbert's Jeopardy? Johnny Mathis, Johnny Gilbert, Johnny Football, Johnny Manziel's version of Jeopardy. All of them. Johnny Rockets. Well, then I guess I will pick

Supermarket Sweep for my second pick. That's a good one. It's so fun to watch and they just did they're rebooting it with leslie jones and she is killer on that she's hilarious because she looks like she actually gets stoked and what i love about supermarket sweep one of the many things is that it's not life-changing money so you wouldn't be depressed if you lost like some of these game shows you're like you you're like, you see in the distance, you see a different life for yourself if you win.

And in this, it's like, actually, you can win 100 grand, which would change your life. But most of the time you stand to win like 10, 15 or whatever. So it's if you lose, you're not going to be depressed. You're not going to like. How do you win 100 grand on supermarket sweep? You go. So the final sweep where you have to find the three things is worth 25 grand if you find it then you get a choice you take the time left on the clock and add like 20 seconds with one more clue and

then you can go for 50 grand and if you get that then let's say you have like 13 seconds left they'll add another 20 and give you one more clue and you can go for 100 grand so you can win 100 grand and i would i would roll the dice but yeah it's can you keep the food the game show keep all those batteries and thermoses yeah i thought maybe they give you some food too or something like i'd ask it's a long shoot you don't know how you know yeah man in between setting up different shots and all that like oh they got crafty though for sure here's what and we don't need to dwell on it too much but i want you guys to weigh in do you think that all of the most of the items do you think that they are stuck and that's why people don't just straight arm it into their cart i think they're all like stuck in there and you can only get certain things what do you mean oh you think

it's like not real shelves like so you notice like during when they're running through i would just be grabbing random stuff as i'm running but they never do that and i'm wondering if there's a penalty for dropping things on the floor or like what the deal is why they don't do that because it doesn't make sense to not do that maybe you're not allowed to sweep ironically i love how you said it so serious but no you see what i'm saying though like why would you not just as you're running grab some spaghetti sauce grab some gum grab like all those just stuff you know people don't they always go straight to the meat or like straight to the batteries or whatever i've always gone straight to the meat if anyone out there knows the answer let me know if you got any insight well maybe they just they're just not being dicks they just don't want to make a

mess be a fucking dick bro you don't live there i don't want leslie jones be mad at me though she seems nice i don't either not leslie that old coward he could be mad at me all day supermarket sweeps she yeah supermarket sweep i love it it's a fun watch low stakes i dig it excellent shane time for your second pick all right uh let's see here there's gonna be a trend in a lot of these picks it involves a lot of violence and uh potential bad potential harm to people contestants i'm gonna go with uh another show that i tried to recreate the set in my backyard uh when i was in college with my roommates uh that's american ninja warrior south dakota boy jake murray shout out majors to the finals american ninja warrior let me tell you

man i think that was where crossfit was invented wasn't it i mean it kind of feels like it the fact that because there was the there was just ninja Warrior first. And like it was like a Japanese show that they'd show on like Spike TV or something. I remember that. And then we took it. Yeah, we took it. We took it from him and we put a lot of it and then we gave it to Arizona. All those dudes. If you love Red Bulls and Metal Militia flat build hats, You are probably going to make it to the finals of American Ninja Warrior.

If you love Red Bull and Metal Militia flat-billed hats, you might be an American Ninja Warrior. Yeah. You just might be an American Ninja Warrior. The obstacle courses were nuts, dude. I mean, that one was- That show's so much fun to watch. Yeah.

It's one of those shows where I watched- A lot of shows you watch, you'd be like, oh, I would kill it. I'd do well in this. much fun to watch. Yeah. And it's one of those shows where I watched a lot of shows you watch. You'd be like, oh, I would kill it. I do wellness. I watched that in the media. I was like, there's never, that's never going to be my life. I'm never going to be able to do a pull up bar where I hop up the ladder using people where they pull it out. That shit is insane.

Oh my God. What are you, what are you doing with your life that you need to be that, that strong? I think all you're doing is practicing for American Ninja Warrior. I think that's like a full-time job. Yeah, people build mock setups in their backyards and their houses to prepare for those weird-ass fucking tests of strength where you can really fuck yourself up. I love it. My girlfriend went to their set because it's here in la when she was working for entertainment weekly like went to their set and checked it out and apparently

it's fucking crazy oh dude i can't even imagine it's you see it and you're like maybe i've convinced myself maybe i could do a couple things i bet if i was there i'd be like well all right that's not even because it starts with that one where you have to do those big wide jumps not even that's i can't even talk about that a little bit her and i actually said it was yeah the slanted things i mean after that what do you do like what do you do when you win what do you do with your life after you've accomplished that goal go eat a carb bro i go right down to foot action i buy those those cherry red Timberlands of them and have my eye on. You're not running in the cherry red? Yeah, you're running.

You're competing in there. It is funny whenever they're on that show and they have that person who looks like it's going to be a joke. And this person is dressed like Jesus Christ and they just ice it. And you're like, whoa, I didn't expect expect to see that or someone with a cape on yeah they'll do the whole backstory leading up to the challenge starting and it's just like derrick has been training for six months blah blah blah he hasn't eaten a carb he is ripped and ready to go and that first little bouncy back and forth hop thing he just eats shit i'm just like i spent 15 minutes getting to know you getting ready to root for you and you can't even commit to this shit what are you even doing go go back go back to

best buy derrick get the fuck out of here man it's ridiculous ever since derrick's wife left him for another rat he's been training for this yeah i american ninja war is intense i mean yeah i went when i went into the military going through boot camp sometimes well yeah a couple times we had to go through obstacle courses and in my mind just to motivate myself i would imagine that i was running the american ninja warrior course and that these drill instructors weren't mean they were just nice hosts they were just encouraging me and that's how i got to serve my country thanks Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. Thank you.

As an American gladiator. Ripples. There's ripples. Petty officer ripples. Time for my second and third picks, as it is, Serpentine Draft. With my second pick, I'm going to keep it in the old trivia realm, and I'm going to take Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Nice. I had that on there. Shit. Shit. I fucking loved that show. Just another spin on trivia. I loved how serious it was. I loved the questioning.

Alex Trebek would fuck with you a tiny bit, a sous-son, just a tiny bit. Yeah. But the various hosts of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire would fuck with you dude regis would just fuck with you regis would just live rent free right in your head you know he didn't care oh regis built a fucking he built a fucking duplex in there he lived in one rented the other one out to his second family oh yeah it was in there regis was great he's the best host of

it kimmel's doing a good job now though but it's just fucking amazing the the little the lifelines were a great touch phone so good yeah that was like the smartest thing so who would you guys all call if you had phone a friend i've had a cup so i would have i used to say i would have called my friend rue is who i would have called um i'm not calling my dude named rude oddly i might i might call you yeah that seems like it depends on the trivia it depends on what kind of question adam would be a good one you'd be a good one um i'd call my friend ryan jansacock he's like the smartest guy i know i could maybe dm ken jennings on twitter if they would allow

that in this new day the dm yeah slide into the dms for yeah for your answer i'm calling dana schwartz on that one she's a smart cookie yeah i don't like to call people that i've previously beaten trivial pursuit so i guess maybe i wouldn't call either one of you damn yeah dude i forgot and you did it black get it drunk too drunk as fuck I guess maybe I wouldn't call either one of you. Damn. Yeah, dude. I forgot. And you did it blackout, right? You did it drunk, too. Drunk as fuck.

It was all Christ Air 900 trivia. I feel like you catered to me. There's nothing. No, I think in all seriousness, I'd probably call. You or Adam. It would be. I'm really scratching my brain here trying to think, do I any really really smart friends to call i mean i guess since you and ian are big trivia flex guys i i'd call one of you guys but now i'm just a real

we're not your we're not your friend dude oh no i was well okay you need to call okay i'm out here i'm out here by myself tyrone is what you need to do regis i'd need to call Tyrone is what you need to do. Regis, I'd like to call Tyrone. You can't use those phones. Regis is like, well, tell him to come on and get your shit. Yo, it was wild that fucking one of the suitcase women on the show, right, was Meghan Merkle, who would end up going on to be. That's a different show. That's a different show.

Is it? Different show. But, yes. Different show. Wait, what? But. That is crazy. I don't have smart friends. That's a different show. Tyrone, the phone sounds bad. I yes, different show. Wait, what? But that is crazy. I don't have smart friends.

That's a different show. Tyrone, the phone sounds bad. I can't hear you. Just to clarify, we are your friends. Of course we're your friends. Absolutely. You can call us. All right.

Who wants to be a millionaire or not? You can call me and Tyrone. My third pick, I'm going to take it back to my childhood. I'm taking Guts. I'm going to grab a piece of the rock. Guts was on the arm. Before we do that, get down to the color grid and go to the agro crag. Mo!

Michael Malley, dude. Not to be confused with that shitbag Mike Molloy. Michael Malley. No, absolutely not. I would watch a reboot of Guts with Mike Molloy as the host, though. He would be fucking good. These kids would do magical things with their lives if they saw what they could turn

faster than that i could do it way faster than that what are you doing you little shit shoot the fucking bow and arrow making him sit in puddles and stuff he'd be he'd be doing it let the kids show you let the kids show you how to climb the crag that was guts was the best when you when you're as a kid and you're just like i want to do all this stuff that so this is funny i recently went down a guts hole on youtube did you buy a dinner first i don't believe it was on youtube I don't believe it was on YouTube. I don't believe it was on YouTube. When you watch it, sometimes there's one kid who's clearly gone through puberty.

Yeah. The other two are like children. There's this girl. She was so good. The camera's got to go up for the third contestant. She was so good, I tried to Google her to see if she's a professional athlete now. She just smoked these two little boys in everything. I think I watched the same one.

I think I want to see the same one. I want to say her name was Becky. The color was blue. Either way, it's really funny when you realize, oh, yeah, kids are very different, even if they're the same age. Yeah, running through that obstacle course. They had to get through what was like a string jungle or some shit like that. The aggro crag looks scary.

There were parts that would blow up and shit, and you're like, damn, that looks intensely fun and scary. You keep your own point. But if you wanted to bring home a piece of the radical rock, you had to. Bro, the radical rock. you had to. Oh, the radical rock. Yeah. That's crazy,

man. Guts. Anyway, Shane, time for your third pick. Guts. That was a good one. You took it.

You took it. And I respect you for it. I had third pick. I'm going to go, you know what? I'm just going to keep it. I'm gonna keep the theme going and I'm gonna stay true to my heart. Another game where people, or I enjoyed it because people got hurt. You know know i didn't really watch it to see if anyone

was gonna win i watched it to see when they were gonna lose and that show is wipe out baby wipe out like that's what wipe out was right like let's watch these clowns yeah you thought you were gonna come here and be impressive you thought you going to come here and just flex and just show how nimble you are? No. You're going to get hit in the fucking face with a big bouncy ball and shit yourself when you fall in the school. This shit looks painful. Yeah. Painful.

I watch that show. I'm like, my knee would pop out. Oh, my God. When they got the freeze frame and it's like, your back's not supposed to bend that way. And you're like, no shit, dude. Why would you put someone that looks like an elbow joint, but it's their back? He just tore his ACL.

Yeah. Boy, I ain't going to put some wacky sound effect. He's not going to be able to walk his daughter down the aisle now. He's got a bulging disc. That shit was like if Super Mario was real life, like some of that shit. You're like dancing on these weird mushroom-shaped things. Yeah, dude.

They would have you. And it's like, no, you fall in water. It's okay. No, it's not. You would have to press your body up against a wall and go across a ledge while big boxing gloves would just come out of nowhere and punch you in the dick, bro. Like hard. Also, everything's wet.

Yeah, it's all wet. Wet. Yeah, that that game is so so wet dude yeah the whole game is wet wipe out man i i it's that'd be a funny american gladiator name wipe out oh that's moist that's an american gladiator yeah i'll stay the fuck away all right i lost moist beat me i'm i didn't show up even moistest aloo just real real hard real hard injuries in there you know just because you're drinking water didn't mean you're not getting your shit pushed in man oh no they beef it bro they beef it hard and it looks intense oh god that's like

all central cast and it's i i did a little research i didn't go down a guts hole like david i went down i went down a wipeout hole found out a lot of those contestants are like kind of central wipeout hole is right next door to a guts hole wipeout hole is actually two inches above a guts hole a lot of people don't know that trust me don't cross the stream no you get a staph infection doing that yeah you never go from the wipeout hole straight to the mouth you gotta okay okay i'm sorry i'm sorry family show family show yeah wipe out no you Whip it up. Whip it out, man. Love that show. There we go.

I just want to say I'm very excited for the Wipeout revival. Nicole Byer and John Cena are hosting it. Whoa. The Marine. That's tight. Nicole Byer is going to be roasting the shit out of people, dude. Oh, it's going to be amazing. Yeah, she's going to kill it Sean time for your third pick

Jeopardy is off the board Jeopardy is gone If Jeopardy would have made it until now I'd have shut my computer I'm going to go mobile trivia bro I'm going to pick Cash Cab Fun one That's a good one I like my trivia and I like to drive around

New York while I'm doing it. That's true. Cash Cab was on at 4 o'clock every day. I don't know. I just always loved it. Again, the questions weren't too hard. It was fun. Ben Bailey was always real fun.

And at low stakes, again, it didn't seem like it was life-changing. I like to think that they were actually surprised and they didn't uh and in low stakes again it didn't seem like you know it wasn't life-changing i like to think that they were actually surprised and they didn't know but i'm sure there was something where they're like hey something's going on with this cab do you want to get in it but yeah i just always like the idea of cash cab hopping in and lighting up and being like whoa and then a couple like there was an uber in portland that was like the cash cab uber there was one in two falls that stuff's always fun i got a call from my uh my former co-host of the the blazer show i

was on joe simons i was just uh i was at work one day and he oh yeah i was working i was out doing sets or some shit it was at night he called me up it sounds like you were cheating on your wife i was i was running i was i was committing adultery. I was down in Gresham with a nice young lady. No, Joe Simons. He called me up out of nowhere. Both of you in powder blue jumpsuits. He's like, Shane, I don't have a lot of time.

I'm in a cash cab. I need help. He asked me the question. I was like, Joe, what's happening right now? He's like, buddy, can't explain. Here's the question. Boom, boom, boom. I was just like, where are you?

Is this for real? Where is your cash cab at? What was the question? I forgot. But I took too long trying to ask him. I'm like, oh, man, that's sick. What's it look like? He's like, we're running out of time.

He's like, you know what? He failed me. And he hung up. Yeah. I called him later. I was like, dude, I'm the wrong person. I was so excited for him. That's dope. Yeah, I just like the idea of a cash cab.

It was fun. A new take on it. That was like the first time it was you know just hop in the car you have no idea it was a fun fun little take and the questions i either you either like knew him for sure or i was like i have no idea i like absolutely no idea way out yeah the stranger to ask a stranger that shit was fun wasn't that dude he was a comic right he was a stand-up yeah he was a standup. Yeah, he was a standup. That's dope. Shout out to Ben Bailey. David, time for your third and fourth picks. My third pick, because everybody wants to know what goat testicles taste like.

I was going to pick it. I'm taking fear factor, dog. Yeah. I remember, I still remember there was one it was an african cave dwelling spider they had to eat and it was alive and it was like as big as like a card and a deck of cards and i'm just like are you fucking kidding me and i don't i man i do not think i could do that i don't think so either i know the eating ones also they had ones where you would just like have to like lay in a coffin like covered by bugs

that would be yeah millipedes yeah some of them were like you could do a flip in this car and i'm like of course i could do that but it was like if you could lay well i could or like sky like the ones where i'm like well they're not gonna fucking kill me right but the ones with bugs i i just i just couldn't do it man oh you don know roach oh it's also funny because you realized joe rogan was just getting blasted high that's like yeah that's when he did it one time you remember that time he just took one of the bugs from someone and chewed on and you're like whoa this dude's fucking crazy because he's blasted yeah that's doing that show high is probably the greatest job there's ever been in show business

like i like what we do but like also if i could just be stoned watching people eat weird shit yeah yeah it'd be awesome you're not talking about the chris bridges version you're talking about the joe rogan version i'm talking joe rogan i only know i'm talking about yeah like just like we're gonna watch some people crash a car into a wall. But there's like, it's just like, what's going on? Oh man. Didn't they have to like slide down the Luxor casino once, which by the way,

shaped like a pyramid. It shaped like a pyramid by the way. If you're inside, it doesn't look like it. But if you drive in and you're like, there's a pyramid in Las Vegas. It's crazy. That's actually the Luxor.

It's hard to tell from the inside. Yeah. And they do sell, they sell whale bones right in the middle and you can put your own liquor in the whale bone if you want. That's what Vegas is doing for you. What's the big cone-like thing? The big silo-looking things, yeah. I didn't know what it was called until I met Sean either.

Damn. Honking ass. Big old honking whale bone, bro. Yeah, favorite episode of Beard Factor was the tyrone biggums fucking dave chappelle sketch oh yeah he's not there smoke rocks wait ripples or tyrone biggums oh they're one in the same the ripples is a cousin to dave that show was there's no ripples without tyrone biggums true dave dave bori time for your uh fourth pick dave does this one count i want to pick iron chef oh that's just like the rupaul thing though isn't it no because iron chef is a different contest

that's what i'm saying yeah yeah so that counts right yeah iron chef counts dude yeah i had to get iron chef yeah man it's so much fun you don't even have to be good at cooking at all to be like, oh, no, no. What are you putting? Paprika in there? You fool. In 2003, I wrote about the original, the Japanese Iron Chef for the Westview Wildcat newspaper. Might have been 2002, actually. Was that your high school?

My high school, yeah. I loved it so much. It's so much fun to watch. I mean like what else do you need the ingredient reveal was always fun like especially the original japanese one they'd like pull it off and it's like eels or you know what i mean some weird like i've only ever watched the american one with like bobby oh you gotta if you can find the old japanese one it's fucking amazing and the chairman is like what if the ingredients could sting you and what would they be

and the chairman is like what if the ingredients could sting you ian what would they be bees there it is wasn't the iron chef the dude from the capoeira movie that we watched yes it was still only the strong yeah only the strong it's that guy it also has zoom zoom zoom zoom it's in there too yeah the fucking iron chef uh gooey ducks i remember was a big ingredient but yeah it was great that show they also had chef uh gooey ducks i remember was a big ingredient but yeah it was great that show they also had to eat gooey ducks on fear factor one time yeah shout out to tacoma giant clams baby oh hold on some teenagers just walked by i gotta make sure they're not give them a glare give them a hard stare to make sure they're not smoking joints or

you are a staring out the window or from way back yeah dude i get such a old dad of a i remember at the house in glendale it'd be like we'd be talking and you'd like stop talking and like people yeah well because their car dude that was old boy just parked his car in the driveway for 45 minutes don't you hate this shit in a long ass driveway and i'm sitting there and i'm'm stressed, and I'm like, if Ian gets home, this is going to be a bummer, man. And he didn't come home. I come in hot. I do come in hot.

Wear your tea cuddle. I've turned into a big dad stare out the window at the youth as they walk by just to make sure they're not throwing trash in my yard type shit. You know what I mean? I live a block away little block away from oh right behind uh childhood roosevelt high school i use your track to get my steps in every day uh but man when the youth them before school was like on lockdown all these teenagers go walking by the house my wife would be like you took you got to stop standing in the window and looking at

them i don't have to stop shit these teenagers need to fucking be adults and then they'll stop also i don't have to wear a shirt in my house yeah inside i mean i will not close this robe no i also own the front porch so and i'm old enough to buy this beer that i'm drinking so i think it's just fine we have we are the one hour and 50 minute mark so we have to i think we have to lightning around the rest of this draft because we have gone on we'll rip uh sean time for your fourth pick uh my fourth pick i'm gonna go nickelodeon i'm going double dare ah good call i always wanted to pick that giant nose and the games looked fun and messy you couldn't get hurt they just looked fun and messy find this you know dig through these giant pancakes and i was like sure hell yeah i'd love to hell yeah family double dare yeah trying not to get mad at their kid for fucking up you know they

got you know they got an ass with them when the cameras went off oh yeah mark knowing mark summers now is like afraid of all germs just hanging out there in the corner slime everywhere immediately clean it up clean that's man place up damn it good good pick shane time for your fourth pick all right i'm gonna go uh you inspired me with the cooking stuff and i didn't have it on the list so i mean i'm calling it audible i'm gonna i'm gonna go hell's kitchen hell's kitchen chef gordon ramsay uh man he was mean but god damn it he was endearing lovable i couldn't stop watching it absolutely how fucking hard is it to make risotto apparently it's in impossible you know people are fucking it up i mean under those conditions it's actually impostable to make risotto he would call you a he would call you a dumb cow for making

that pun i call people that a lot he called people that then he'd have me waiting in the parking lot for him you're an idiot sandwich bro which people think is from that show but it's actually from the late late show james corden ian carmel head writer excellent pick time for my fourth and final picks as it is and uh i'm gonna go back to back with uh another children's game show legends of the hidden temple i have to take it oh yeah yes oh yeah oh yeah it just looks fucking amazing it's kind of gutsy in a way like it's weird to have both on the roster maybe but i don't care in the nickelodeon universe you know it's like armageddon and uh armageddon and um deep in the other one deep impact so you need them both you know deep blue

sea they was the big wasn't even a big talking rock thing old mac old mac show was another american gladiator in the reboot by themec. And there were like the fucking lizards. There was like the green lizards. The blue parrots. That one, there were weird little dudes in the temple who would jump out. It was low-key scary. It was scary.

And then my final pick, I gotta take it because I was in it. I'm taking game on, on CBS. I'm surprised I went this deep in the draft, man. Right to the game show.

Me, Rob Gronkowski, Venus Williams, Keegan, Michael Key, Bobby Lee. Look it up sometime. It's available on some streaming platform.

I was there, man. It was fun to watch. I was at the one where they loop you up and bold with you. That's right. It was fun to watch. I was at the one where they lubed you up and bowled with you. That's right. It was fun to do. Which is something I've done a bunch of times where we both got lubed up and went bowling,

but it wasn't. We just bowled. With our wet bodies. That's my final pick. Shane, your final pick. Oh, God. You guys took all my damn picks. I'm going to go old school uh and i'm

gonna go with uh uh the pyramid game ah the twenty thousand dollar pyramid and the only reason i'm going with this is because it's just like a it's old childhood memory i know my parents used to watch it a lot, and I remember not wanting to watch it and being forced to sit family time and watch that because they love that game. So it really has no attachment to me other than that. So shout out to my mom and dad. I picked it for you. Thanks for listening, Dad. Sean, Jordan, your final pick.

Now, nowhere in here we said it had to be a game show that was real. Can I pick a fictional game show? Whoa. Word? At the very end, you're going to do this? Well, it's a lightning round so i figured i'm gonna i'm gonna give a shot can i pick to use it from i'm gonna do the one from mall rats no i was gonna pick the running man game show oh fuck arnold schwarzenegger with the christmas tree and the game show from running so So the running man, just the running man. Okay.

I have other picks if that's not okay. No, no, no, no, no. We'll let Malkyper Jr. decide, dude. I have one, but if this isn't okay, I got a backup. I wanted to touch all the genres. I want to do next. Yeah.

That's a dating one? Yeah. From MTV? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next. And it's just some dude like, oh, damn it it but my name's Landon yeah

yeah next that show was amazing it was brutal this guy has a neck tattoo I'm gonna eat his ass or whatever come off the bus a girl from my high school was on it

next next to everybody damn oh god i may be yeah that's an amazing pick yeah all right uh excellent that's the final pick to recap i went first and i took jeopardy i'm here, man. I'm right here. Who wants to be a millionaire? Guts, Legends of the Hidden Temple, and then Game On on CBS with Ian Carmel. Shane, you went second.

You took American Gladiators, American Ninja Warrior, Wipeout, Hell's Kitchen, and the $20,000 Pyramid. Sean, you went third. You took Feud, the family feud, that is, Supermarket Sweep, Cash Cab,

Double Dare, and The Running Man. And then David, you went last. feud uh the family feud that is supermarket sweep cash cab double dare and the running man and then david you went last you took the prices right rupaul's drag race fear factor iron chef and next we left some good ones on the board wheel of fortune i thought was gonna get picked yeah i hate wheel of fortune i don't even like that show win Ben Stein's money Whose line is it anyway Pros vs. Joes One I wanted to shout out specifically Was Nick Arcade on Nickelodeon Back in the day which was that like early video game one

Oh where you were in the video game That was legendary High tech shit Other than that all my shit got picked I guess I don't like game shows As much as I thought It's a short bench All mine got picked. I guess I don't like game shows as much as I thought. It's a short bench. Yeah.

All mine got picked up. Yeah, it was good. I'm regretting that last pick, but you guys took all the good ones. No, you're all right. I was going to pick the 20-sack pyramid from the Chronic, but that was like a little less. That's what I thought you were going to say. When you said, could I say fictional, I was like so sure that's what you were going to say. It was close.

I know it. I think the golden era of game shows was a little before our time when you had stuff like card sharks and to tell the truth and Hollywood squares and everything. Yeah. Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah, I had MXC, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. I had that on mine too. I had that on mine too. It was hosted it was a they repurposed footage from the japanese game show takeshi's castle and they like dubbed the host and it also featured gee ladouche who

is like their field reporter i love that name just really funny i love that name it was on it was on it was on spike like all the time is that people uh crawl up like really slippery stairs a big boulder will like just demolish them. Guy Leduc. That's right, I remember that. It was like more intense wipeout. Oh, God, Leduc, I love it. Awesome.

Guy Leduc, loved him. Well, we want to hear your suggestions. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the Shaslackity. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the Shaslackity. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit.

Shout out to fucking St. Sue Carmel. Love you, ma. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

You never had your car. That was a HeadGum Podcast.