All Fantasy Everything - Gas Station Food (w/ Spencer Hall, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: June 3, 2021

Since your ears are about to go on a long road trip, we figured you could use some snacks. That's why we're drafting "Gas Station Food!" We are joined by Spencer Hall who is an absolute delight and fits right in with the GVG and all of our hard gas station opinions. This is the closest you'll get to hearing the Philly episode as we'll NEEVA be releasing it. Episode Guest:Spencer Hall @edsbsSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting gas station food. Because we're all ready to hit the road again, and we're going to need something to eat while we're doing it. Our guest today is sports person Spencer Hall. Spencer is the editor of edsbs.com and a contributor to SB Nation. That's edsbs.com. He also co-hosts the Shutdown Fullcast, which is the only, and I think you'll find this is true, the world's only college football podcast. That's the Shutdown Fullcast, the only college football podcast in the world.

I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and I'm joined, as always, by my friends, comedians, and bon vivants, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that recognizes that peach season is upon us. Stone fruits at the farmer's market. You can get your hands on them. You can get your hands on them. You can get your hands on a goddamn stone fruit for once in your fucking life. I need a peach for hours.

To nobody's surprise, I've never heard the term stone fruit. Please break it down. Okay, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Maybe you try it yourself. Oh, really, really fit. Like, it it's not even this one is not crazy stone fruit am i saying that stone fruit yeah yeah and that a peach is a stone fruit can you

give me a couple more examples of a stone no no no no no no no backwards from knowing a peach and spencer you can talk whenever you don't have to wait to be introduced yeah you don't have to wait malarkey you can make fun of me like these pricks are about to do okay i'm not gonna because i believe in you yeah what what part what what part of a peach is unyielding and stone like oh thank you so that it's got a uh uh why am i why am i doing this to myself a pit a pit come, Denzel, land the plane. Rhymes with pit. Rhymes with pit. It's got a pit. Isn't that what it's a peach pit from 90210? Yeah, yeah, the peach pit. I had to go to a teenage soap opera for my reference.

That's kind of how I figured things out. So therefore, a stone fruit might be any kind of fruit with a stone. There you go. A rock, a middle, a center. Pit. A pit, yeah. Well, yeah, obviously, I think that was implied that I figured it out. Apricots, you know?

Yeah. The avocado was a berry. It doesn't count. I hate a bad plum, man. Ooh, a bad plum is awful. It's like bad plum. Bad plum is like second to bad apple, but it is close. Yeah, yeah.

He's a bad plum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you refer to a neighborhood kid as a bad plum, it's like this hoe. He doesn't ditch school yet, but he's a bad plumb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you refer to a neighborhood kid as a bad plumb, it's like there's hope. He doesn't ditch school yet, but he's not trying hard either. No, no, no, no, no. He won't light your yard on fire, but he'll unscrew some sprinkler heads. He's like that kind of kid. He'll tip your trash cans over, but not on trash day, so there's not a lot of bags in there.

No, I'm dead serious. A bad apple turns me into a terrible human for like three hours. I can't shake it. No, it's like seeing a car crash like i just keep coming back to it oh yeah yeah yeah yeah like a meat like a mealy red delicious oh god that sounds so gross dude that sounds so gross i don't know if it's worse than a bad plum though have you ever bitten a bad plum where it's like warm and it's just uh it's like i don't like plums really have you ever had a good plum hard stance today dude uh no i've never had a good plum because they don't exist man i don't like them oh they're delicious they're like tart but sweet they pull other other fruits only talk about it plums back up that tart but sweet thing yes they do exactly exactly exactly i had some

good not to take us and i don't want to steer this car off a cliff or anything so feel free to jerk the wheel if i get too far i had some of the best blackberries i've ever had in my life the other day and i would say a good blackberry is right the fuck up there on the berry side of the northwest i'm right there with you yeah we had some real dank ones in the kitchen the other night and i'm not a big blackberry fan and uh i ate a couple i was like those are phenomenal and i sat down at the kitchen table which well that's because you have a palm trio i i like how sweet they are i mean they are delicious but have you ever been blackberrying oh yeah yes that's brutal that's brutal You're up in those thorns, man.

That shit is for real. The way that we do it down here is you get a long-sleeve shirt and you duct tape it shut to your hand so that you don't get ticks or you don't get other nasties up. Because apparently ticks and blackberries, but ticks are like, man blackberries are like only humans are more delicious they're just like if you go black if you go blackberry you just get ticks and all sorts of nastiness are the grossest thing is they're also like really thorny so you go to the worst parts of the woods to get them and what my grandfather used to do was smear kerosene at the points where your head contact with your skin so nothing would cross it so imagine the misery of being a kid that's a grandfather ass move we're just gonna put kerosene on your wrists and ankles let's get you moved you know uh so you're just this little kid who smells like extremely flammable toxic chemicals moving through the

forest getting whacked in the face with thorns, pulling blackberries. So like I have an S&M relationship with blackberries that I'm like, oh, they're so good. And I can't think about them without like also thinking about exquisite pain the entire time. Needing pain. And that's like your Saturday as a kid too. Like, yeah.

Long week at school, so now let's grease you up with campfire juice. Yeah. Meanwhile, there's like a guy smoking three feet away from you you're like yeah that's good for the kids long ash i feel like a long yeah up in my i'm from mighty oregon mighty oregon and we have those blackberries just growing out the wazoo up there so very similar experiences i didn't know about the ticks though we went in fucking loosey-goosey gross not even thinking about the ticks, though. We went in fucking loosey-goosey. Gross. Not even thinking about the ticks.

No, you people live without fear. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Sasquatch could be anywhere. And when you know that, when that's your base level. I don't think kerosene's a good defense against Sasquatch. Because setting him on fire, one, terrible defensive strategy. Fire's an indiscriminate weapon.

It could go anywhere. You don't need that. And two, what's your next step? You just have Sasquatch on fire. That's not a manageable Sasquatch. Our relationship isn't going anywhere. You made him more powerful. You turned Sasquatch into an even more powerful weapon. It's a terrible

idea. Laura and I went to Rainforest up in Washington, and we had a tour guide. Laura is Sean's fiance. The queen. And so we ended up on this tour, and we were the only two people on the tour. And I think a tour guide and we were Sean's fiance, the queen. And so we we ended up on this tour and we were the only two people on the tour. And I think the tour guide got a little I think he was like, all right, now I can really tell the whole tour what I think of my Sasquatch believes. And because I think he probably held back a little when there was a whole van, but it

was just the two of us. And he started really getting into it. And Laura does not believe in Sasquatch one bit. And dare I say, she gets upset when people do. And so it was just funny watching her watching her try to be cool she was just rolling her eyes so hard and i was like this is very interesting i love hearing about it i want to think there's a sasquatch out there cryptozoology is the only crypto that i understand and can get behind man that's my crypto i'll put i'll put my all my all my money into the new jersey devil the mixtape dj is coming back i was i was gonna ask what is everybody's one one cryptos

one crypto zoological phenomenon you what is that like a zoology with a pit is that what with a solid kernel of truth at the middle, okay? That's what it's about. That Sasquatch may not be what you think Sasquatch is, but Sasquatch definitely exists. Yes. I don't know if this is going to count, but I think there's a possibility that there's like a whole underwater civilization of people that we don't know about. I think...

Mermaids? I don't really think that, but I kind of do. I think it's possible that there's people living at the bottom of the ocean. We just don't know about. I really do. You saw this like UFO stuff that came out in the last two weeks. And like a big part of it was like bubbling oceans and like them, like being,

they're always over the ocean. Maybe that's where they are. Maybe, maybe you're right. Maybe that's where the super advanced civilization is. The ocean is where most of that's most of what this is. Like we think, we think the game is on earth on that's most of what this is like we think we think the game is on earth on land because we live on land most of this bitch is the ocean like it's mostly

water the land is the mls we're not the big leagues exactly exactly arsenals in the mariana trench that's where they play. See, this is why Moby Dick is like the sickest book ever written. The sea is awesome, right? The sea is awesome and the real game is in the ocean. That's what it's about. And people get obsessed with stuff a lot.

The sickest book ever written is The Dirt. It's about Motley Crue. Well, that's a fact. And we know that. You're right. The sickest, like S-I-C-K-k-e-s-t that is the dirt you're right how do you think you spell sick when it's a good adjective it's still spelled the same s-y-c-k-k i'm an s-i-q-u-e sort of okay okay were you a s-k-a-e-r-e-o-i kind of guy okay are you

asking me if i made paper wallets in fourth grade? Yeah. I got to recommend, by the way, if you're into music books, and I recommend this to anyone whenever the topic of music book comes up, but And I Live to Tell It All by George Jones, you wouldn't think, like if I said country music autobiography, you might be a little iffy on it. But what if I tell you that within the first 50 pages, he wakes up drunk in a river inside a car? Yeah'm in what's it called dude and i live to tell it all the autobiography of george jones at one point george jones is kidnapped taken to hattiesburg mississippi

and uh by thugs who have multiple life insurance policies taken out on him and he is force-fed cocaine uh the idea being that they're going to give it to him until he dies i was gonna say did they quote that part in the movie it was force-fed to me i had no i had no how does our how does our hero triumph he's unkillable and cannot take too much cocaine whoa yeah they cannot they cannot od him that's amazing when they say force- fed i imagine they just gave him a guy's phone number who sells cocaine yeah he was like jesus fine if i have to amazing so he just was doing elephant leg after elephant leg and they were just sitting there like and that's and that's without any of the crazy ass tammy wynette shit right that's just what he

was doing by himself yeah there's a whole story like see like if this were a streaming show and we're going seasons one through six season four the classic is the tammy winette arc which starts off yeah which starts i know i know weirdly a lot about that oh that entire thing yeah so and i live to tell it all like that that in itself is an entire multi-stage podcast drama you could do like 23 episodes on on things george jones didn't die from yeah i might gotta i might i might gotta fuck with that yeah we have to read that book i didn't know you could take a life insurance policy out on someone else that's interesting sean that's what a weird thing that you can do

you should not be able to do that yeah i see what you're doing you also shouldn't be able to uh take your record advance spend a hundred thousand dollars of it on uh a yellow corvette and cocaine and then when you realize you're late for a show drive it to the nashville airport park it on the curb like half on like exactly like what you imagine it right if i was like how would he park it half on the curve or curb half on the street get out leave a note that says please return to grand old opry if in violation of parking or whatever left the note on the hood and then just ran and caught his plane and just left like a yellow corvette right there on the curb not even to his house to the grand old opera yeah

please take it to my office the grand old opera that's fucking amazing hannibal burris just started leaving rental cars at the uh at the curb they'll just return them somebody will come get them you'll they'll charge you but apparently you can just do it man i really love that guy i'd be worried about the plane if i did that i'd be bummed i'd be scared that the plane was gonna something was gonna happen because i'm a because i was being a dick i'd be nervous to the plane i just can't you know i'd just be nervous i'm superstitious okay they're not gonna say anything to hannibal burris about that they're gonna say something to my ass yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna say hannibal told me we're getting flagged no i don't have a driver's license cryptozoology if there's one i definitely believe in i'm gonna have to say it is as a sasquatch but if my favorite one that i don't

necessarily believe in is how there's a brontosaurus in like a lake in nigeria oh yeah yeah aren't they supposed to be tiny though or something like that they're not like the regular size or the it's not like a regular size brontosaurus or something like that right i think it's smaller than your average uh brontosaurus yeah isn't that one like kind of recent didn't they say that in like the 70s or something like that that one which is compelling i like sea monster i believe i believe in any kind of we don't know what's going on there i mean you see like those weirdo squids down there those are sea monsters tell me an angler fish isn't a sea monster or whatever you know i think if you could tell you that i think if you could take the field on sea monster just

put a generic bet on sea monster your your odds are really good 100 yeah i think so too yeah i think i think so too i think so it's just like of course of course it's so big it's so big that's the thing i it's just there's so much of it that we right isn't there like a ton of unexplored ocean like at the bottom we can't even get down there you'll crush you what's that thing the bing have you heard about that oh yeah yeah what that weird sound that comes from the bottom of the ocean like once every few years or something that like made my stomach hurt i like thinking too deep about that for a second you haven't heard about that i don't know if it's the bing i think the bing is like microsoft search engine but like

it is no it is a prison it's something like that the bong the dong the dang the dong that'd be such a fun trick that sailors probably play yeah if you get down low enough you can hear the dong that'd be such a fun trick that sailors probably play yeah if you get down low enough you can hear the dong i think that is a fun trick that sailors played yeah have you heard the dong it's only in the middle of the atlantic we're gonna you're gonna hear the dong it's called the bloop dude oh the bloop okay okay no i've heard of the bloop yeah okay okay bloop the bloop what is it Okay, okay. It's called the bloop? The bloop. What is it? It's just a sound you hear if you get deep enough in the ocean?

It's the loudest underwater sound ever recorded. It has no explanation. But they think it's consistent with noises generated by ice quakes and large icebergs or large icebergs scraping the ocean floor. But I don't know, dude. I don't know about the bloop. Oh, I don't know, dude. I don't know about the blue. I don't know, dude. I don't know, dude. Don't hold me to any of that, dude.

Backwards hat. 311 didn't cover it. Backwards hat. All fantasy everything sweatshirt. Listening to 311 and his headphones, even though he's podcasting. Sean Jordan is here. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melton Jordan on Instagram.

Sean, by the time this comes out, possibly father yeah man i'm stoked i had your tiny hand in mind have you been listening to father figure by george michael all the all just all the time it's sometimes that's my favorite george michael song same sometimes sometimes it's careless whisper most of the time it's careless whisper but father figure is a real real good song what about freedom 90 that's what that's up there for me man absolutely love that song yeah i'm a i'm a kissing a fool guy i don't know that one i don't know that song listen put it on grab the lady yeah just slow dancing it might she's gonna it might put her in the way i'll be like you want to kiss this fool yeah yeah you're gonna get

another one. Yeah. See, that's the other thing is that the song does that thing where you're like, oh, it's about this. And by the end, you're like, ah, now I know who the real fool is. Like, it's a nice little turn. I like a good journey. Sean, how are you doing? What's going on?

I'm good, man. I'm chilling. I'm just kind of trying to be on point. I had myself a night last night and I was like, that's the last time I will. I was like, I'm not going to ride the bike anywhere from here on out. I got to be on point, myself a night last night and i was like that's the last time i will i was like i'm not gonna ride the bike anywhere from here on out i gotta be on point ready for this kid to pop so had uh had a couple had a couple wacky cocktails and um yeah were they wacky cocktails or were they just like cups of whiskey nah me and big torque daddy had a few margaritas no they're margs yeah i mean the Tork Dog went out to La Bonita, got some tamales, a few margs, and just had a little night.

It was fun. I'm going to George Jones you on some cocaine when I'm up there in a couple weeks, dude. I'm just not having any drinks. I'll do plenty of wine. I'm going to Tammy Wynette you. From what I've heard, that keeps you more on point. So, yeah, I'm going to start doing that every day yeah some of that some of that dad powder dude absolutely johnny depp and blow as soon as she comes out and then i'll just pass out and then all of a sudden

they're treating me in the hospital perfect this is perfect you sleep through the most boring part dude which is just you pacing in the waiting room absolutely are you gonna catch it what the baby baby oh no i'll probably let i'll let the doctor do that oh no you gotta get down there you gotta do that shit you gotta get in there yeah i'll i'll i'll i'll i'll definitely peep the scenario but i don't think i'm gonna catch the kid i am gonna eat the placenta right there just like right there i'm gonna do it in the lobby though you're just gonna red dawn this yeah i'll just be i'll be like ah i'll just i'll be out just gonna run out like who else is expecting a kid and first person that raises their hand i'm just gonna wolf down that placenta right in front of i gotta say wolverine is an okay

lady's name like if you just just took it syllable by syllable. Yeah. Yeah, if you met my fiance, Wolverine. Wolverine. That's kind of beautiful. Yeah. You're going to be dressed like the ultimate warrior, right? Yeah.

Okay, good. They do. They want you to do skin to skin, and they're like, in all these virtual meetings, they're like, Dad, don't be scared to take your shirt off. And I was like, there's never been a part of me that was scared to take my shirt off. Don't threaten me with a good time. i'll be shocked if i have a shirt on at all during the whole thing it's called don't be scared to take your i don't know oh like when the baby comes out they want skin to skin so like you know how the the the mom has skin to skin right away yeah like they want the dad to also not have a shirt on and i was like are there dads who don't

do skin to skin right away well i think before it was recommended you had to be a certain kind of dad before it was a thing you had to be like yeah where they're like holy shit i mean remember there's still there's still some dad who wants to be in a three-piece suit smoking out in the lobby yeah he doesn't actually see the baby for three months prior right like maybe this one won't take. I don't want to get attached. I got to get back to the firm. Yeah, I don't want to see it until it has hair.

Yeah. Dude, she's got hair. Our daughter has hair. They showed us in the ultrasound. Fucking, she has hair. It's crazy. What color do you think it's going to be? She's got that, like, side shave, right?

That kind of, like, side shave. Yeah, she's got that bully haircut. She's got a top knot like Latimer. Rat tail. Place of the table table i don't know man i mean laura's got red ass hair i'd be she might have red hair i don't know i don't know how to change too right doesn't that happen like it comes out yeah i think so i don't know i get blonde beard hairs now that's great blonde red i get red gray but why get them all and And that's changed. Cool story, huh? I liked it. I liked it.

David Borey is here. CoolGuyJokes77 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter. How are you, buddy? I'm good, man. I just saw a little kid run into the free library outside of my house. There you go. I've been laughing about that all morning.

Oh, God. He ran right into it. Did he fall over? He was not looking. Oh, God. You ran right into it and did he fall over? He was not looking. He was running. And even his dad, his mom was very like, oh, baby. But his dad was clearly like, that shit was hilarious. As long as he didn't split the dome open.

No, it wasn't like there was no blood or anything. And you could tell he was just kind of embarrassed. But oh, my God, it was funny. Like, I was grabbing the mail, and I just stood up. And, like, what are you going to do? Yeah, I'm laughing at your kid. I don't know, man. No, David, you're free, because sometimes I have two.

So sometimes you get a situation where a calamitous but comedic injury happens. And then at that moment, you have to decide the balance between sympathy and laughter. That seems so hard. at that moment you have to decide the balance between sympathy and laughter and sometimes so hard sometimes the third party coming in and just busting a gut on it is exactly what i need because okay good because i might not be able to laugh but i can live through you because that shit is funny i was dude i was openly laughing and it just feels good to be on the street laughing at children in pain again yes yes like that's nature healing itself like they're saying the things we didn't even know we missed

yeah i didn't know he just because kids do that shit where they run and they're not looking forward because they're little idiots yeah they don't you need that one you know you got to get a chin check before you know you're like okay i gotta look in front of me oh man it was good i've had children run into my legs and fall over like at the store and stuff and then i'm like did i do i feel bad about that did i did i kick a child through proxy my little brother would used to like he'd run into the room and he'd like he'd be so excited about running into the room he like half of his body would hit the wall like coming into the room like what do you do just chill out so the average toddler when learning to walk falls 17 times an hour i want you to just imagine something that looks like an adult doing this 17 times an hour you'd

die you'd be dead in three days no i let You'd die! When was the last time that you straight up fell down? It doesn't happen much when you're a grown-up, and it sucks. It hurts so bad. I stubbed my toe three days ago, and I went ape shit. It's such a bummer when you trip and actually

fall to the ground as a grown-up. It's like, it'll ruin your week. Life as a toddler is basically the eric andre show opening the entire day you're just running into walls it's amazing like when you think like what it's based on the toughest human beings alive are all like two years old and they are all going through it and they can cry they're like emotionally healthy they'll just cry and then it's over yeah i was with my buddies uh like a one-year-old last night and he can sit he was sitting like on his knees kind of with his

butt on the ground and i was like there's no way that any of us could do that three adults try to do that and we're all making those noise like ah ah just couldn't even sit like this kid it's it's nuts dude you're tearing fascia man speaking of laughing at other people's pain, David, did you catch the Blazer Nuggets game last night? I don't know what you're talking about. Blazers Nuggets played a... Oh, well, the Nuggets got blazed, bruv. I was listening to my title playlist. I don't know anything about what...

Now, that's not fair, because I do want to talk about that. Basketball? Are you saying... Yeah, man. No, yeah. Jesus Christ, it was a bummer. Yeah, of course i saw the whole game

yokich is good first and fourth he is good man i just like i think we came out we are weird in the playoffs too even last year when it was like so good just something about our playoff play is so weirdly inconsistent like it's almost like they gotta be down before they can get back up like a james brown kind of thing sure sure sure dame looks great are they one of those teams that just doesn't wake up until they get hit in the face is it are they one of those things it's even weirder than that it's even squirrelier than that that would make more sense because we got hit in the face above we were up a bunch of time last night and then the front of the fort it just fell apart fell

apart so hard it was just like drain drain i was in a bar with my friend and i was like we have to go yeah you have to go back to my house yeah it's not gonna be fun yeah this isn't i'm not like fun company anymore we gotta just hope a toddler runs into a free library at some point so i can turn this around yeah otherwise i'm gonna be sad all day what so talk about this title thing that happened oh yeah uh shout out to let me i think i got the guy's name apparently the big boys at title listen to all fantasy everything shout out to title uh they hit up my manager and we're like does david want to do a podcast and then i i thought it was going to be over time so i didn't know so i just named it something dumb

and put on 30 songs i like and then they put it on title and now it's on trending playlists hardies and bullshit hardies and bullshit which i think is a pretty good name yeah yeah parties and bullshit what song is that is that a biggie song the biggie song party and bullshit yeah shout out to nicholas coin at art artist relations at title who apparently listens to our podcast hell yeah now i have now i have a playlist what are some songs on it just name like two or three songs on it it's like really scattered uh my boo by ghost city djs is on there yeah yes yes and then bourbons and lax by Master P is on there.

Fucking I Get Lonely by Janet Jackson is on there. This is some aristocratic music. Spendin' by Gucci. There's some Young Dolph on there. Two Shorts on there. Computer Love is on there. I love Computer Love. Oh, yeah. Young Dolph had the most amazing tweet ever which is

that he gets shot several times and he's in the hospital and nobody really knows what the status of young dolph is and then on twitter he just just tweets out in all caps it's dolph with like 14 dolphin emojis that's how he announced he was alive it's it's all bam he's the best i saw an interview with him one time where he was like straight up i can't talk to you if you don't also feel like you're a king yeah listen to new rich slave or new slaves or whatever yeah i love young dog he doesn't have conversations he has diplomatic relations dog he's man that guy that guy really really gets it but uh yeah there's a bunch of stuff fuck faces by scarface uh in my bed so so deaf remix by drew hill just a lot a lot of a lot of stuff i think i was gonna talk about hill today yeah today. Yeah, Foxy Brown, Blackstreet, Get Me Home. Uh-oh, uh-oh, that shit.

That shit. Webby, there's a lot of shit. Whitney Houston, there's a lot of stuff on there. Do you have, so people go listen to that on Tidal, the only place that's available. Do you have any shows coming up or anything like that? Just some local stuff, but you know, August 1st, I will be in Portland, so you can come to that. Hopefully, maybe some local stuff. But, you know, August 1st, I will be in Portland.

So you can come to that. Hopefully, maybe some other people. And then who knows? Maybe in the maybe maybe late fall, early winter, I'll be recording an album. I don't know. Where are you performing August 1st? That outside helium show. Oh, we might have to we might have to circle the wagons or something like that.

Cause I'm off work. We'll have an outside conversation. Let's do it. I'm going to eat some blackberry. I just like to mention this, even though this will be way, both of these will be done by then, but my show sold out very quickly and Mike Malloy's has not.

So I just wanted to let everybody know that everybody needs to know that Malloy's having a tough time selling all his tickets i didn't really have a problem so whatever whatever you want to do with that it's all right good well that's what happens when you cross us yeah but yeah also i'm gonna be doing some festival in south dakota in june yeah i i gotta i gotta how the fuck do you know about a festival in South Dakota in June that I don't know about? Because I'm out here, baby. I'm in these streets.

Is it in Sioux Falls? I'm not new to this. I'm true to this. It's not even. Don't worry about where it's at. He's not in the street. I will say where it's at. He's in the streets.

I'm not going to laugh for a minute. Be angry, dude. Be angry. Feel it. he's into streets i'm not gonna laugh for a minute be angry good be angry i could probably get you on it if you want to come shut up stop it i do want to come of course i want to go i don't i gotta introduce south dakota to their new to their new queen i don't know if you're kidding or not i can't tell anymore of course i want to go to south dakota with you but you're going to be fresh on a baby is that you can't come in june wait this thus coming in like a few weeks you're doing it yeah let me see let me figure well it doesn't matter this is all fair stuff yeah but congratulations in the meantime in between time spencer hall is here edsbs on twitter not on instagram oh i i am it's just oh you are yeah it's just casual

you know it's like one of those one of those find me if you can you know friends and family i'm right i'm very inactive on instagram that's partly because i don't want to give facebook any money but also because uh i just don't find that much interesting about like my face apparently that's the thing so you're supposed to post your face a lot on instagram it's like the last real vestige of selfie call like if you do that on twitter you're just gonna get fried right like that you can't put your face on twitter it is weird yeah like on instagram you post your face and people are like hey king looking good looking healthy looking fit you're great you know thriving thrive and then

right you post your face on twitter and it's like motherfucking dwight shrewd motherfucker get the fuck out of my face you absolute loser like a shrimp cocktail yeah all that shit yeah you'll get roasted by people you don't know a lot of people on instagram ask me like they're like where you getting them colors and i gotta be like i'm dying yeah yeah a lot of people ask me that and i'm like i'm dying i'm busted sorry sean where you getting them colors okay good uh spencer you have you you're a contributor to sb nation edsbs.com the editor there and also the coast of the shutdown forecast. Will you tell it to, why don't you tell our listeners why and how they can fuck with that? Uh, shut down full cast available wherever your podcasts are available.

Um, you know, we, for, we prefer Apple. I don't know. Apple's just nice, but you know,

Spotify is also there if you need that as well, Stitcher, et cetera. Uh, we are the only college football podcast, which means that a full 85 to 90% of it has nothing to do with college football whatsoever. So, uh, either avoid or come on down as you like uh you will be entertained this episode coming out by the time this is out we will be covering wedding disasters which is always my

favorite to ask people what goes wrong at weddings because they're oh yeah they're simultaneously more prosaic and horrifying than i can imagine and you know like everything that somebody tells you actually happened is something better than what you could make up. Like that's usually don't lock your knees. That's the one people in weddings, in the in the parties, in the bridal groom parties always lock their knees and they just pass out like a sack of potatoes. And you're just like, don't lock your knees, man.

You're going to faint. I mean, I had it in my wedding was in a vintage hotel where the AC went out in Florida in June and someone walked someone walked through the middle of the wedding to get to the pool, which I guess was that way. Walked through the middle of the wedding in a bathing suit with a fun noodle and like one of the noodles. Yeah, just walk through the middle of it. Right. Just a lady who was like, where's the pool? And like if you live in Florida and I don't have any of you spent significant adult time in Florida as a resident? Any of you?

Not as a resident. I visited. Okay. It'll make you give up all hope for humanity. And that's really where your personal growth could begin, is when you give up all hope that anything will ever be okay ever again. You're just like, no, nobody has manners. Nobody understands. No one knows how to act, basically.

Whole state full of people who don't know how to act. And everybody's got a pool noodle. And everybody's got a pool noodle, and they're just wandering through your wedding. Like, cannot figure out the social cues for a wedding where two people are standing up looking like they're getting married, blanked by an entire thing, whole party, and this person continues through the middle of it going like, What's happening? And you're like, oh, we're not on the same planet we're not even the same reality here's rule number one when you run into tuxedos you put the noodle away that's my grandpa my grandpa taught me that that's old school through the noodle holster the noodle when tuxes are out it's a

geographic rock bottom it's like a global right it's a state was rock bottom you can just go there holster the noodle yeah holster holster the noodle 2021 motto fantastic anything else you want to point people towards uh just just the shutdown forecast we could do that um i did a recent appearance on the bomani jones show at the right time which was really fun we just talked about cb wonder for like 45 minutes. It's a blast. Oh, my God. Did you cover his real name?

Yes. We talked about Stevland. We talked about Stevland. Yeah. We talked about the world. A lot of people think he could see. Yeah. He has flown a plane.

I found an old Rolling Stone interview where he talked about how he had flown a plane and how he wanted to drive a car then i found a subsequent anecdote by rodney crowell talking about recording a willie nelson song going down to bogalusa louisiana to record in the studio there and when he got there there was a car doing donuts outside in a field next to the studio and he looked over and said hey who's that guy at the wheel and he goes oh that's stevie wonder stevie wonder had a guy with him and they were just doing donuts. Yes. How do I get that job? Like, podcasting is cool and all or whatever. You want to be Stevie Wonder's eyes?

I want to be his donut man. Yeah, be his wheel man, be his co-driver. That's fucking amazing. People, if there's anyone who's listening who doesn't follow you on Twitter, by the way, they need to remedy that right now. You are one of the great follows that willie nelson thread on his birthday was like one of the redeeming things about that entire website i fucking loved

it i didn't even i didn't even get like 10 deep into the willie stories like are you so many the willie yeah the the great tale of willie's life. The Willie Ed. Man, that's awesome. That is hilarious. I am Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish. I should prepare for this.

Get it. Jewish. Jewish. Picture this, where it identifies plants and then tells them if we have to shake them in any particular direction on any obscure holidays there it is uh watch the late late show with james corden where i uh remain our uh modern day way worse ed mcmahon and listen to all fantasy everything which is a podcast that's about it i have no i have no shows coming up just fucking i'm making a lasagna tonight for god's sake that's a show that's a show sauce when i get out there we'll have been cooking for 12 hours overnight i'm fucking

ready for it dude i'm ready for to make this that's the 12 hour sauce hell yeah that's how you gotta do it dude and you got two kitties. You're out there. I love it. Shout out to my new kitty, Eddie. She's very cute. And yeah, for God's sake, I mean, we're not here to talk about my new kitten, who is adorable. Follow me on Instagram.

Is it after Eddie Munster or Eddie Izzard? Eddie Izzard. Wait, Eddie Money. Why did I think it was Eddie Money? It's after all those Eddies, dude. Okay. We were at the adoption place, and she just straight up said in English, take me home tonight.

And we were like, all right. She reminds me of that Whoopi Goldberg character in that Knicks movie. Yeah. Big Eddie, dude. Oh, I used to love that movie. Is that movie still around? When Whoopi coaches the Knicks? In the way that movies are still around?

Yeah, I don't think There's any movement to erase Whoopi from The historical record You'd be surprised what movies are hard to pay I paid 30 bucks to get a copy of Meteor Man That did surprise me Whoopi Goldberg's real name Karen Johnson, how buck is that?

I know we've covered this like two episodes ago, but it's so wild. I need, if somebody's listening, because obviously you're all massive presences in the entertainment community, so I think you can make this happen. I need your support. You need to find me a way to get the killer and to get hard-boiled on streaming, because I don't think there's an easy way to do that right now. I had to watch all those old John Woo movies. I had to watch them on YouTube. They're all up on YouTube in their entirety without a single copyright claim. That's weird.

That is weird. Hard boiled is like a fairly well-known movie. It's a classic. It was up there. Yeah. It's not on any stream. I mean, man,

if I listen, no, there's a lot of stuff that's not on streaming that i'm pissed about there's some shit you just can't get man more music in mind but like old like all these old rap albums and they're just not anywhere well yeah some of the some of the samples will never ever close lost an entire classic album that got nuked by a team of seal team six lawyers all right i think if you put that album on they come in like the swat gif right like through the ceiling like they're they're in your house repelling what clive davis we know you listen to this podcast so if you could just get those wheels in motion and get fucking hard boiled thanks make some industry calls stop ripping dicks off and do your job you know get your hand off my dick quit fucking ripping my dick off clive davis and get hard-boiled

on streaming and the killer me in the meantime we are going to draft now there's a fabled episode of all fantasy i don't even know that people know the topic i don't think they knew that that's what that was on our tour now two summers ago we on, we on a Sunday rolled into Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The three of us and Shane Torres came in hot. The borracho muchacho himself. The borracho muchacho. We had been drinking heavily three nights in a row and rolled into Philadelphia and thought, let's make it a fourth. And we started early.

We started early that day, my friends. And from the green room, right right i got flowers that night the queen sent me flowers as our last night on tour she sent me flowers only time i've ever got flowers anyway that wasn't our last night that was not we still had yeah i'm wrong it was our last night of that like anyway i digress we we we got drunk and we proceeded to record an episode that has never and will never be released never all right it exists but it will never be released stuff happened that night all four of us wore a yarmulke there were citywides being sent up to the stage left and right goddamn citywides man i was so drunk that i became undrunk again and then got drunk again through the course of a show that night i sang karaoke you sang karaoke you sang bonnie rape and give

him something to talk about and it was amazing you had a backpack that's what you say i got an argument like it was the closest thing to a real argument we've ever gotten i think and it was right when he came out because you spilled a drink right before he came out and i was right when you came out i put you on blast and you're like dude oh yeah it was backstage yeah yeah yeah yeah i had scrapple there was a hotel room confusion later that night it was a crazy night and what did we draft we drafted gas station foods and when we were talking to spencer about tavix he had two two ideas one of those was gas station foods. And when we were talking to Spencer about topics, he had two, two ideas.

One of those was gas station foods. You weren't a fish. You're not. Oh, am I, am I, am I wrong about that? Spencer?

Yes, sir. No connoisseur. And we decided we had to run it back. We had to put the topic back on the board and who better to draft it with than Spencer hall, gas station, food connoisseur,

the three of us gas station, food connoisseurs. It's, it's, it's about fucking time we put it on wax it's uh my buddy jesper is from sweden and he was visiting when we were in high school and we went on a road trip to go skate and adam and i were like we should we're like we should get dinner and we stopped at a gas station to get dinner and jesper was like what i was like yeah we're just gonna go grab dinner real quick and so he called us probably still calls us gas station eaters because we thought we were like we should get dinner and for real legit stopped at a gas station to do it and that still happens to this

day sweet i feel like sweden is the opposite of gas station food so that makes sense to me now the way we determine the order of today's draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! David wins. David's the champion. David, boy, as

the winner, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft, but before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question you're just skipping the formalities what is it it's like riding a beach cruiser down uh down the street like you just go you go back and forth hang out on either side for a little bit before you go back and then forth so like you're just cruising right side of the road you beach cruise over to the left you kind of go for a little bit you beach cruise over to the right kind of go for a little bit

beach cruise over to the left go for a little bit and just you know all the way home the whole time wearing a what is it sioux falls indian what is the hockey jersey that's wearing oh no he had a seminole i have it upstairs somebody gave it to me The one that he has on in the fucking Gin and Juice video. That's right. Crap. I can't think of the name, but shout out to whoever gave it to me. I think he's wearing a penguin jersey in there. Okay, anyway.

The fact is, if you pick- Also, he's wearing a lot of hockey jerseys in that video. A lot of hockey jerseys. If you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second. Now, with that in mind, David, what will the order of today's draft be? David, Spencer, Sean, Ian. Hot corner. Nice. David, Spencer, Sean, Ian. that in mind david what will the order of today's draft be david spencer sean ian hot corner nice david business spencer sean ian which means david you have the first pick in the gas station foods draft which we will get to right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is

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Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything. The only podcast other than the shutdown forecast that's the other one and the shutdown forecast is the only college football podcast if you've heard a podcast it's either all fantasy everything or the shutdown forecast that's everything that's i actually have a conspiracy podcast that i've been doing on the dark no it's like no you don't i do i don't record it but i have it yeah it does exist but it's not on wax it's just not on wax but i do it every day it's like an analog clubhouse yeah it's great if you come outside of his window or between three and four every afternoon you can hear it uh david you have the

first pick all right in the gas station foods draft to me there's a clear first pick and i'm not gonna obviously i'm not gonna say anything but i gotta take it man uh 7-eleven been driving to get these since i was a little kid i had to take the slurpee oh okay strong didn't even make my list the slurpee didn't make your list i don't like them man that's have you ever liked them no i never have it's weird it's weird to me that i never have because they should be great i'm gonna join sean here i'm i'm not on team slurpee but i do respect the strength of the pick oh yeah but it's not of course like if this is if this is like an nfl draft i really respect

what you do over there personnel wise but that's not what our organization believes in i understand i like a coke slurpee better than i like just like a cold coke how about this i want to know the 7-eleven where you're getting gas though huh mr rule breaker around the corner up on alameda there's a there's a gang of them i know we know that we know what gas station food yeah i know i was just being a dick i was just being a dick my consumption of Slurpees is like inverse to my credit score. Like when I was like a kid, all I did was drink Slurpees.

My whole life was built around finding and drinking Slurpees up until my like teens. I think up until I discovered alcohol, I really think it was like trying to get a fucking Coca-Cola and cherry Slurpee. Yeah. Mixing those together. Just bombing that. And that was like my, I had a whole summer's just oriented walking up to the 7-Eleven, getting a Slurpee and then walking again there later that afternoon.

I'll hit a Slurpee like a good two times a season. It's like eggnog. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like a good twice a season. I'll hit a Slurpee. it's like eggnog you know what i mean yeah like a good twice a season i'll hit a slurpee it's just like for like that just weird gas station food like what is it i feel like so much gas station food is under that category how many kinds of slurpees are there is it just coke and is it

just like cherry and coke for slurpees are there like coke and cherry i think are mainstays but then they have a rotating cast yeah there was a lime flavor that was like actually pretty good oh yeah they had a they had some fanta ones that were really good the lime was an appropriately unreal color too which i think david's hit an important part of the slurpee genre is that there's a certain je ne sais quoi and unreality to the slurpee right exactly this should not be and yet I must have it. Like, it can only be mixed in that tank right there. Like, it's not, you can't make it at, you can't

make it at home because you don't have a bunch of sodium benzoid or whatever the fuck it takes. Whatever the magic is in there. It's the gem from Uncut Gems. You see it? You're like, that feels very unworldly, and I need to have it. Yeah. It'll come as no surprise to you

sean jordan that mountain dew uh threw their hat in the slurpy game i've been drinking some of those lately anyway all kinds you've been drinking mountain deuce a little bit you really are gonna be a dad yeah got the hat on extra backwards let's get you on that code red and skull life. Let's go. Code red, I think, is the worst one, though, right? Well, I don't want to pick. Yeah, let's stop. Sorry. Yeah.

Slurpee. Slurpee. Slurpee. Slurpee. Slurpee. Excellent. Excellent pick. Good fucking.

I haven't had one in, I'm going to say, a decade, and I might have to remedy that this summer. Get a small one because anything larger makes your head hurt. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get. I think I might put it one because anything larger makes your head hurt. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to get, I think I might take,

I might put it in one of those spoons that they have at expensive restaurants where it's like a one bite and then you just toss it. I think that honestly just put your mouth on the hose half crank. That's all you need. Me getting back into the slurpy gang would be like Earl Campbell playing one last day on a college football. Like I don't think, I don't think there's any way this is going to end.

I need to, I need to really be careful about getting back in the game spencer time for your first pick okay i'm gonna swerve go the different direction i'm gonna go ahead and draft crispy crunchy chicken okay now crispy crunchy chicken oh yeah yeah because first of all crispy crunchy is a brilliant example of mutualism. It's not really its own business. It's a business that lives inside a business. They are in gas stations. They're based out of Lafayette, Louisiana. And so a Crispy Crunchy freestanding, I assume, would, like an organism that cannot survive on its own, just die. It would just shrivel and die on the side of the road.

Like immediately. Right. But if you nestle it in the warm, nurturing environment of a kind of scary gas station it thrives it is astonishing chicken it's a little spicy it's a lot crunchy the biscuits are the biscuits are honey biscuits right yeah yeah yeah i mean they are they they they sometimes don't maintain structural integrity but you really don't care because they're really really tasty out of it i'll just put it in, eat it with a spoon. Yeah, that's what she just did.

Give that in a slurpee and like, listen, you're either going to hell or heaven, but it's nothing in between. All right. Either way, you know? Yeah.

So I'm going to go ahead and draft. That's, that's my number one pick. We're building the whole organization around that. Damn. Crispy, crunchy. I forgot that is shout out to the crispy country in North Hollywood,

but there's like, there's a bunch of them. You're right. They also have weird things besides chicken, like those weird crispy burrito sticks. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, crispy. That's a great pick. You can get a mac and cheese there, too.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's also, by the way, why they are so essential gas station food, which is there are borderline items that outside of the context of a gas station, a sane human being would pass up. But in the gas station, you're like, I'm getting kind of loose. Just throw that on there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what?

Give me one of those pepperoni sticks. I don't pass up much in a gas station. I think this is the essential notion of gas station food, which is outside of that context, you would never ever do it. It's like being on Molly somewhere. It's just like, there's a different set of rules. It makes sense. So crispy crunchy chicken,

the remora of fast food restaurants, it can't exist without the shark to attach to. Yeah. Fuck, this is gonna make me go nuts. If you take it out of a gas station, it's like what happens to arnold in total recall when his helmet like when his uh face shield breaks like that just explodes yeah no it would cease to exist it evaporate overnight it's got to be like a sketchy gas

station too like yeah crispy country i mean it's got to kind of it's got to be what i would call an open carry gas station there's at least one person open carrying there that shit kills me man it's such a bummer to see it's such a bummer to see where you're like with an american flag button down and a gun on his waist and the weird thing is when that guy's like kind of nice i've had it a few times where i'm like you're strapped but you're like holding the door you're like why are you often, yeah. It's real weird. Real weird. You might not want to go too far down certain roads with them, but I think in a general day-to-day interaction.

I don't want to hear. I will tell you this. I got nothing but reason to be nice to them. That's it. Yeah, that's it. The interaction's going to start real positively on my side. It's an open carry and an open container gas station that's where you're going to find a crispy crunchy chicken open carry for me is the 12 pack of crispy crunchy chicken right that's

amazing pick sean jordan time for your first pick now i might make a couple waves with this all right if you want to say no say no but i'm picking as it's as it's a lone pick nacho cheese okay can i do that i don't yeah because to me it's a utility player it can go i'll get into other picks that all will benefit from nacho cheese so you're building a menu here i kind of i'm building i'm building diarrhea is what i'm building but by the time i'm done it's gonna be you'll be stoked until it comes out and then you'll be like oi why was i that's how i feel about the nacho cheese or gas station stoked until it comes out i've done it before where i've got that without the other stuff that you would normally put with it and i was just like how much

you know just for this and they're like yeah i don't know man like no one's done that before and i'm like i have other stuff that i'm gonna use it with like a like a big gulp cup not a big gulp cup but like they have little i don't want to say any other picks but like little containers for other things sure and i've filled it up with cheese before and just been like i have filled up big gulp cups with the nacho cheese and with that like chili like the chili cheese that they have at 7-eleven you just like i got some stuff at home for this. Dude, honestly, yeah. You do that and you put the other lid on top and then you pay 99 cents for a giant cup of nacho cheese.

And then you got whatever other, whatever, whatever. They don't care. They work at 7-Eleven. You know, they're not, they're not like, it's not coming out of their pocket. I'm going to fill up a Big Gulp with condoms then and see if I can get away with that. They don't know what to do. It's like. They don't know what to do. You, you know, if you come up with a big gulp full of nacho cheese they're like listen man this

is all the money in the register i don't know the i don't know the code for the safe so whatever you know they're a big leaguer but you're throwing an ethos you're throwing like a 48 mile an hour floater dude they don't have a swing at it i've never seen a knuckleball in real life that does the knuckleball thing that's kind of what that's what you're doing i just i feel like it goes with a bunch of stuff and like you can get pretty reckless with it when when you're you know you're on a road trip you're bored a lot of stuff gets in nacho cheese that i wouldn't oh yeah sometimes it's just a spoon of nacho cheese i'll just eat place well there's some left and i'm just gonna eat it so yeah line between that and a beer cheddar soup show me on the evolutionary it's just a spoon of nacho cheese i'll just eat place well there's some left and i'm just gonna eat it so yeah line between that and a beer cheddar soup show me on the evolutionary it's

dude i'm right there with you there's not it can count like that i mean if you just if you just rolled up and poured a 40 into a gigantic thing of cheese taxonomically you're there you're talking to the man who would be doing this this this could be more in my lane this this whole idea of like gas station food no the 40 i'm talking about the 40 getting poured into a cup of nacho cheese you are the center of that venn diagram the 40 not absolutely and i'm a smiling thumbs up center to that venn diagram where i'm just like this is dope it should be a whole circle i don't know why there's people that aren't on either side it's crazy but so many

different kinds of yellow that occur in nature and yet none of them are that nacho cheese yeah dude you can see like a freshly painted yellow door and you're like oh not quite the nacho cheese color but it's it's getting there's a dark there's a there's a dark energy that emanates from those nacho cheeses uh a delicious energy real quick um adam is the only person i've ever seen do this but he i've seen him take out the bag and squeeze it because it's like when you hit the button nothing would come out yeah i've seen him open up the thing take the bag out which i didn't know the bag was the container i just i'd never seen it before and i've seen him squeeze it into a cup and i was like holy buckets buckets. That is a whole nother level.

He is my partner in crime as far as eating at a gas station goes. He's like taught me things like he's my Qui-Gon to Obi-Wan. You know, he's where I'm like, oh, thank you for the knowledge. He's a man who's performed open heart surgery on a nacho cheese machine. Yeah, he's the only one I've ever seen be like, hey, you're out of cheese. Most people are like, guess I'm not getting any cheese today. But I don't be like, yo, let, let's run it over on the cheese station. Yeah, yeah.

I need it. You're out. Fix it. He knows they got another bladder in the back. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, nacho cheese. Time for my first pick.

It's a specific pick. I'm going to, I mean, like, I'm going to, well, I'll say the pick and then I'll narrow it down to what I really, really mean out of it. I'm going to take the Go-go taquito from 7-eleven yeah yeah champion of my heart if i have to get that one if i have to get really specific cream cheese jalapeno go-go taquito there's nothing like it so amazing strong it's so fucking good it's it there's a little cool breeze from that cream cheese there's a little there's a there's but there's a fiery sunset from that jalapeno.

Also, it's like you said something I would never get anywhere else. No. Here's where you get in, and Ian used to have a joke about this, but we've talked about this numerous times back in the day, but it's like, that's one of those things

that people inherently just say is gross, and you're like, no, no, it's bad for you. It is not gross. It is bad for you. You had a joke. That's not my joke. That's one of those things that people inherently just say is gross. And you're like, no, no, it's bad for you. It is not gross. It is bad. You had a joke. That's not my joke. That's your joke. I thought it was yours.

Well, one of us had a joke about it, but it is like, it's, I hate that shit. When people are like, oh, you know, it's, it's so gross. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Niva. Is it gross? It's amazing. No, no, no, no. It's fucking bad for you.

A doctor is not going to prescribe you that, but I'm saying it's dope. It is gross. No, it isn't. I think it's okay that it's gross poop is gross you know what i'm like i'm like what are these points you're making listen tune into my conspiracy open your mind's eye tune into my unrecorded conspiracy theory podcast i'll i'll show you some points it's tube cheese in a pastry, old pastry. It's gross. It's fine that it's gross. It's not gross, man.

It's been jogging on that treadmill for like 15 hours. Man, it's sweaty. I mean, a lot of the times, all gas station food is like the Jason Statham version of a more expensive movie. That's really all it is. Just more extreme, and I have to be in a certain state to consume it. But I didn't have a bad time. We're watching ants and you want to be watching a bug's life. Right.

Is that right? Yeah. Is that the proper knockoff? Yeah, man. Yeah. It's a jalapeno popper, which in and of itself is not a very classy food. And you can get often at gas stations. But it's that even more gas station the go-go taquito that's my first pick and i gotta go back i gotta go back to back uh with my two

mvps roller this isn't a special i'm staying off the roller on this one though you could throw this on the roller i'm going i'm popping off the lid i'm reaching my mitts in and i'm taking a pepperoni stick for my second damn it yeah yeah dude that's good yeah wait wait you're like uh say it again pepperoni stick from where for my for my second pick i know but like what is it like out of there i'm just trying to be yeah like the i'm trying to get a visual if you if you now if this is a world where i get my druthers if this is a druthers world you can have your druthers anytime with me, my friend. If I woke up that day and God was staring me in the face and said, today, druthers.

It's going to be a Tillamook. It's going to be a Tillamook County. I'm a hometown boy. It's Oregon. Okay, okay. You're not a no-boy Alberto. I don't know why I made you get specific, but I like it. This is fun. I don't have a bayonet on the gun. I'm not backing myself into a corner here. I'm taking every kind of pepperoni stick all right whatever they are

i i'm delighted if that you remember when we were in uh wisconsin where were we we were driving minnesota and we stopped by that roadside place and just got like various smoked meats and pepperoni sticks i like when a gas station has a local pepperoni stick yeah that was after we were leaving columbus we stopped because we had to go to the bathroom and they would not let us use their bathroom even though we bought some stuff i was very upset about that because i desperately i didn't have to go the you can go outside kind of bathroom either so i was just like what we're buying stuff probably they probably felt that coming off and that's why oh you came in with big had it got a shit bad energy i had like a ruptured blood vessel in my eye like we were driving to the last show of

the tour like they could tell you'd been drunk for two straight weeks and and had to shit just nacho cheese into their into their pristine country bathroom that was also if you remember it was a family-owned business they had kids working there they didn't want to subject their kids to what you were going to do in there now that was that wasn't a gas station but sometimes you will happen upon a local gas station that is serving a more local pepperoni stick that just fran brought over that yeah they'll sell i love that too i love when it's oberto i love when it's a slim jim if i can throw that in there too i think that's a pepper well that was always your request was like um when i'd go to the corner store or wherever i'd be like you want anything you're like yeah they got like a pepperoni stick

situation just give me whatever the version is i'm like yeah sure so sometimes it's a little beef want man what's wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that all for it all for it conduct a symphony of flavors with that thing uh i like that the utility of this pick is great because it works everywhere that can go in the cheese and it definitely would if i had a cup of cheese and a pepperoni stick say hi to cheesy pepperoni you could hollow it out and then and then just you know what's that well officer it's my straw it's a beef sheath i feel like you're talking to a cop sean jordan time for your second pick uh gas station hot dog man going to the roller yeah absolutely i i have to that i i almost get them every time even if i'm not hungry at all

i'm always hungry but like that's always where i'm like, yeah, well, I don't care how old it is. I don't care how disgusting it looks. I really don't. They could tell me, like, that's been there since last night. I'm like, a bunch of fools walking past it for a day. I want it to be the color of, like, a Florida grandma with stage four skin cancer. I was going to say, it's like the from something about mary where you're like yeah that's that's creepy but i'm in you know you want it you want it to look like a wrestler from the

late 80s just a good a good like at least eight rankins per hour applied yeah yeah yeah mickey mickey rogues thigh in the wrestler that's i a challenge. I don't want a clean bite. I want to be like, like a tiger eating. It's going to fight back. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. No,

I really, I do not care. You're hard pressed to find a gas station hot dog that I'll be like, oh, that I shouldn't eat that. I'm in. How do you dress that bad dude up? What are you condiment wise?

Where are we at? What's funny. Cause we, uh, in my, in my circle of friends, we refer to a penis as a bad dude a lot, which is very funny. So it's funny that you said, how do you dress that bad dude up? And I'd be like, I'm firmly in your circle of friends, we refer to a penis as a bad dude a lot, which is very funny. So it's funny that you said, how do you dress that bad dude up?

I'm firmly in your circle of friends. I know that. There was no... You say it a lot. I'm pretty basic with the dogs, man. Ketchup and mustard and then the aforementioned nacho cheese. Did I use aforementioned properly? Yes.

Nice. I'm trying. Definitely, it's going in the cheese and when you have a cup of it you can dip it where it's like it's otherworldly it's so fun where i mean again it makes you look like an absolute lunatic but very good uh yeah just ketchup and mustard really i'm a big fan of how when they got the chopped onions in like that's what i was gonna say in the bag yeah get those out of there and the rel i i'll dress it up yeah or if they got the little open thing of onions oh yeah if they have like it so some you'll go to like the bigger i don't know like a bigger gas station but not quite a truck stop and they'll have like all kinds of barbecue sauce and hot sauce and shit then i'll then i'll get pretty wild sometimes i'll put like hot sauce on

like a fourth of it and then barbecue like so i have stages of it you know oh a cycle of flavor like a cigar there you go yeah yeah it's like a night it's like a nice book you know it just takes you on a journey where you're like all right it's molecular gastronomy for you that's what we're really talking about here it's a again it's the Jason Statham version of an otherwise expensive or better food, right? Yeah. It's the extreme. Like, I could have this molecular gastronomy, or I could go to a gas station and simulate it for $3.98. It's a beef wellington.

That's what we're all saying here. When there's, like, an expensive hot dog anywhere, it's always off-putting to me. Kind of like David with spaghetti, where I'm like, I'm not going to eat a hot dog at a restaurant. I will get a hot dog at it's always off-putting to me kind of like david with spaghetti where i'm like i'm not gonna eat a hot dog at a restaurant i will get a hot dog at a gas station and really i don't even like like the gourmet you know there's quite a few in portland where it's like go get a nice hot dog i'm like there really isn't such a thing i'll you know there's a i'm going to get a hot dog i'm already not there's an expensive hot dog but i wouldn't call you know you're lucky i have a shirt off i, there is a nice sausage. There's nice hot dogs.

There's nice sausages. Yeah, I guess, you know, but in my mind, I'm like, when I see, like, if you go to a restaurant, especially where it's like a sit down or something and there's a hot dog on there, I'm like, nah, I'm all right. Okay. I'll buy that. Yeah. I'm never getting a hot dog at a restaurant.

But like autos and shit. Oh, yeah. I got you. Yeah. Anyway, hot dog. Spencer, time for your second pick all right i'm gonna go with um a classic and a very specific one if you've not been through the texas metropolitan area there is a series of gas stations called buckies and buckies is unlike

anything you've ever seen in gas station form. They have as many urinals as they have gas pumps. And sometimes they have upwards of 70 or 80 gas pumps at a single station. You can buy an entire outdoor kitchen in one. You could buy a wardrobe. You could buy. They got a big one out in Dallas over by where JFK got shot. Right. This is a weird way. I know I've been there. i know exactly what that place is a monstrosity yeah i know what you're talking about

yeah yeah and they have a gigantic thing where um an alternate on my list is served which is a brisket sandwich that is cut up on a gigantic slice of oak and there's somebody with uh with hacking with it but that's not what i'm going for here because if i'm at a gas station and i'm not getting anything that's even remotely healthy and brisket, you could at least excuse on the basis of having a high protein per pound count. No, I am going to go ahead and get what everyone gets, which

is sold in this gigantic 20-foot long wall that's nothing but variations on the formula of beaver nuggets. Bucky's beaver nuggets are sold in a huge sack. They are basically gigantic corn pops, but with a little more texture

and a little more sugar. Was that a haiku? It should be, yeah. It was definitely poetry. Is there meat involved in a beaver nugget? No, none whatsoever. It's a sweet treat. Oh, no.

It is corn, sugar, and happy thoughts. That is all makes up a beaver nugget they're like a glazed crunchy kind of sugar but not hard they look so good oh no and no and they are solely based on the like if you're the kind of person who likes to like crunch down on something like a big ice chewer or something it's like that but in candy form and you can buy like pillow sized bags of them at bucky's and then basically i think they've made it so that the bag lasts exactly as long as it takes to drive to the next bucky's so you could just as you go so my second pick is going to be bucky's beaver nuggets but only after a visit to their bathrooms which would you say they're

sweet or savory they're sweet or savory? They're sweet? They're predominantly sweet with like a good 40% savory on there. 30, 40% savory. So there's just enough salt to keep you interested. They have cheese flavors too, I found. I'm big into condiments. Are you dressing these up at all? Or are they good on their own? They're pretty hard on the steering wheel, as is, if you're going back and forth, going back and forth right so sean i don't know you sound like you get pretty sloppy with it and you

could probably yeah man it's a crime scene when i'm done yeah so maybe you would and i would say you could because the condiment bar at bucky's is either a tribute to american innovation and largesse or i'm driving to texas i'm going right now i don't know which one like you just kind of have to go uh david knows what i'm talking about like if you go there uh you're either like this is the greatest place i've ever seen or you're like we should be hit by a meteor there's really no in between i'm thinking of the one in dallas and it is like it's it's it's bigger than truck stops like it's crazy yeah yeah so i'm it dude i'm in i've never even heard of it sign me up i think sean you you might not come out of a bucky's for a day or two i just work there what crazy. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm in, dude, I'm in, I've never even heard of it. Sign me up. I think Sean, you, you might not come out of a Bucky's for a day or two. I just worked there. What happened

to Sean? Well, he owns Bucky's now. Yeah. It's like really wonka, but with Bucky's. Yeah. And you could buy, you could buy like, you could buy a tree stand at Bucky's. You could buy like a corn feeder for deer hunting. You can like, they sell them in the store yeah dude yeah that sounds fantastic fantastic absolutely shane go home and mail us some buckies they look like a corn pop almost like the cereal like corn pops no they're like a big they're like a big slightly more savory and crunchy corn pop oh my god i have to have them we've got to get those texas shows back on my schedule uh Amazing pick. David, time for your second and third picks.

Second pick. I don't know if it exists outside of gas station. I've only ever seen this food in a gas station in a little container on the counter. I'm going with Hunt Brothers Pizza. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hunt Brothers Pizza, man. That's been many uh i wish you guys could see spencer that was like the most emotion i've seen in a while on that was sick

passion brother's pizza is passion it's man i just you do know it though google it and as soon as you see the logo you're gonna be like oh i've seen that is it by slice or mini pan or what's going on it's by slice baby yeah and like they got like alfredo and barbecue i've that has been so many dinners on the road because that's like you know what it is it's like when you're like driving through the night on the road where it's like we just got to get to kc sorry man we're not going to wendy's i gotta get some gas just run and get some food hunt brothers pizza saved the day many many times i ever would eat it in a gas station on the road hunt brothers pizza those things are clutch though where it's like you could a hot dog's tricky to call a meal if you get a

couple slices of pizza or whatever you can call it a meal and it it can satiate you you know oh yeah oh yeah it's just like and it's just i mean as soon as you see the logo like you walk in you look at the counter you see that logo and you're like uh-huh that's what's happening it's called hunt's brothers you said hunt brothers yeah you might be out you might be getting some some green pepper on there oh yeah they got all kinds of flavors let me put you in the right frame here hunt brothers is a prominent sponsor on a nascar and that's really all you need to know that like this gigantic like that's america's car the one with the hunt brothers like because everybody in the stands is like hey brother that gets like i have a 0.2AC just looking at that car. Yes. I love it.

Yeah, man. Hump Brothers is like, that pizza just really, really, really got me. For some reason, it took me a while to warm up to gas station pizza. That's because you were smart. It should take you a while. Where I was eating gas station everything, and I was like, I won't cross this bridge and then i did and much like taco bell is not mexican food gas station pizza is not pizza but it is something of value in and of itself still dope it's yeah you're right you're like this looks like pizza but i don't know if it's pizza because the gas station's pizza is closer to what they eat in italy it's closer to the more traditional. Yeah. Yeah.

It's because of the wood fire stove they have on the counter. That's right. And all the love they put into cooking it. Yeah. Your third pick, David. Okay. So my third pick, I do have a question. Can we go specific snacks that we only buy at gas stations?

I think so. Is that allowed? Yeah, I think so. Like, you could i guess also get this at a grocery store but i don't think yeah yeah yeah yeah of course okay i'm taking uh white cheddar smart pop yeah yeah absolutely yeah i've only i've only ever bought it at a gas station i don't know why i've never like i know i guess you can't have it in your home it's weird to go home with it when you and if you're at home and you pull it out of a cupboard it feels weird yeah just like that classic black bag just enough flavor to get on your fingers it's a perfect addition it's like

you're like okay i got i got some hunt brothers i got an apple and i got some smart pop and like a smart water that's like kind of a real meal. That's a meal. That's a real side dish. You're getting close. It comes in that shiny black bag. Like it's 80s furniture. You know what I mean?

Like it's expensive. 1980s furniture. The bag has always been black. Even back when all chips were like orange and neon green. Black bag. Yeah. Sleek. Stayed stayed strong do they have other flavors i don't think so are there other smart pop flavors i've never seen them not that i'm

worried about i don't know i mean the white cheddar that's that's the flavor i'm looking for most of the time with other shit where i'm like man i wish you had a white cheddar yeah it's the only one i've ever i don't even know now i'm looking it up i guess the brand is smart food i didn't even know but we all know what i'm talking about black bag white cheddar yeah get it on your fingers you know what i mean sometimes you shake some of the dust on top of your hunt brothers whatever you want to do it's another tricky driving wheel food because that thing cakes on it no yeah massive it's all over it's all over so you never think about that or i don't at least until i'm back in the car where i'm like especially again with my like love to for condiments but i want like this is this is risky you know like driving with your knees trying to

dress up everything or like dipping the popcorn popcorn in stuff. We're like, I think if you're real, I think if you're real, real, you get some relish juice or some of the G the liquid out of the pickled egg jar to dip in as a solvent to clear it off. And then you're going back. Yeah.

Yeah. See, apply, apply chemistry. Y'all apply chemistry. Is that chemistry? No, it is not.

Please don't tell anyone. This is chemistry. i think that might be alchemy actually it's a sacred art though it's a sacred art uh yeah man but yeah smart smart pop amazing white cheddar smart fantastic spencer time for your third pick uh my third pick uh i'm gonna go one more boutique before i either hit the roller or go to the classics uh i love hitting the roller dude yeah no hitting the rollers i think hitting the rollers like when you just take a guard you know if it's the nfl drafts like i'm just gonna take a guard they're solid go to the roller you know what foundational pulls it's got good bees it's a

good uh i'm taking a system pick uh with you know the fifth of the six but i'm still gonna go for a talent here uh boudin balls if you don't know what boudin balls are boudin balls and cracklins uh particularly if i can pick one i'd go best stop scott louisiana though you really can't lose if you're anywhere near lafayette they are uh boudin sausage cooked into fried into a little ball with rice and a bunch of sauce and you're gonna die. That sounds nice and expensive. That sounds like four bucks. They're nothing. They're absolutely nothing. Wow, look at these pictures and this

is right. Oh yeah, and you gotta serve them just in case it wasn't enough of an F5 for your cardiovascular system. In case it wasn't bad enough, they serve them with cracklins, aka pork rinds. With cracklins? Like on top?

No, no. There's the side. You're expected to sort of go back and forth. The slang with it? Like, let me get a boudin ball with some cracklins? Yeah, just get boudin balls. I'll just throw them in with you. They're just like, yeah, here.

Here you go. Even the guy who makes them is like, yeah, my cardiologist told me to cut it down once a month. Like, I got to. Once a month? You say? I got to back this down to once a month or I won't be making these much longer. So of course they recommend I do cocaine more than this. I mean, think about it.

Somebody does that, right? Like some trucker just rolls through on eight different varieties of methamphetamine is like, give me some boo damn balls. And his heart is like, I'm going to do this. I got this just hammering. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. But, but boo damn balls. Just hammering. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. But,

but Boudin balls, but that's my last boutique pick. After that, I promise y'all I'll go to the classics of the roller. That looks amazing. So it's Boudin noir and, and fucking like fried up in a ball. Yes.

Boudin. It's just Boudin. You fried a ball with some rice and some seasoning just in case it didn't already have enough seasoning. And then, then you're, you hit the road and they're pretty much waving at you like we hope you see you again you're gonna enjoy this i hope you come back oh my god i looked up i looked them up and there's like three places in the la area that

sell them and they're all in long beach this makes sense yeah your ass down there man that lasagna is gonna have to wait god damn they look good i know so that's like in louisiana is where you get the best ones of those oh yeah right around lafayette so i-10 if you if you're if you're on i-10 and you're west of uh west of new orleans that that's where you're gonna get like that's where you can get some serious ones they're all like about about a mile off the highway right so. So and by the way, don't express a preference for one. I made a mistake because if you do that, like a local is going to be like, that was trash. You need to get it over here.

Like, doesn't matter. You can say their favorite and they would immediately default to like, that was garbage. What's your favorite one? That one. But don't get it because you said. Are you when you drive? Are you driving like between football games? Like, what do you do most of your it's driving from game from game to game yeah it's pretty much driving from game to game and

there's a large portion of the united states where most civic like most civil services are provided by gas stations i think there are gas stations in mississippi and louisiana where you can get married you can you know have mail sent you can have legal forms approved you can pretty much do anything at a large gas station in mississippi or louisiana so i think it only makes sense that a place like the best stop is basically like a butcher shop that just happens to be inside a gas station there are multiple ones of these by the way like not just the best stop but like that's just the one i know there are multiple variations on this where there are just gas stations that just have a whole other business in them.

That's usually food related. I love it. I love that. Absolutely. Beautiful. Sean Jordan, time for your third pick. My third pick is, again, something I only get at gas. I don't I honestly I don't know if you get these anywhere else.

I don't know if I've never seen them at like grocery stores or whatever, but it that cheese jerky combo that it comes in a little in the pack where i'm we call that the mulatto something where i i convince myself into thinking it's somewhat healthy where i'm like well it can't be that bad it's got two i assume different food groups two benefits or whatever and then with that i've been known to get fairly incestuous with the cheese as i will dip that in the nacho cheese like the cheese stick in the nacho cheese oh whoa he's making a chicken egg sandwich yeah man it's good and then the jerky's going in there too that jerky is like probably the worst you can get but i don't know i just like it so much do you ever get the one do you get the pepper jack one i like the pet where it's like every time if it's available because the cheese and i don't say this a lot

the yellow like the american cheese or whatever it's a little bit too off color for me where i'm like i can't convince myself that's cheese well plus if you get the if you get the pepper jack now there's pepper in there a third food group vegetable uh-huh yeah man i got a vegetable i think i think by the way we're seeing everyone's professional backgrounds come out here because i'm a prospector and i'm a digger and i like to find the very specific thing that i like right and i'm going to do a lot of research in order to do that like a writer or a journalist would right sean uh you're a skateboarder so right now you're just stacking trick on trick that's like you're doing you're doing combos right like you're doing like cheese and meat and then i can do the cheese and

the meat again and then i could do it in this arrangement then i maybe i can do this it's really really really innovative and it's david i think you're a little bit closer to me at like ian i'm having a hard time getting an exact fix on what you're doing but i think i can come out in the next pick all right yeah jerky cheese combo love it always and there i i tend to go you'll find that i've just lived my life as a broke person and that's shines through and all these because those are like 89 cents all the time so i tend to just like get five things that are like under a buck if i can you know and that's definitely definitely under a dollar if you're paying more than a dollar for one of those you're getting hosed yeah you shouldn't maybe a dollar i

mean dollar 29 if we're in a certain metroplex you know what i mean but like on the road you want these days if you're in beverly hills or something sure but what are you getting gas in beverly hills for um time for my third and fourth picks as it is a serpentine giraffe with my third pick i've got i've got a couple of i got a couple of savories on the board. Now I've got to get something sweet. I've got to get something sweet. I'm going to go for weird little muffin in the back. Oh, big muffin or multiple muffins in the back? Big muffin in the back. Yeah, that's great.

Big muffin in the back. Like an Otis Spunkmeyer grade muffin? Like an Otis Spunkmeyer muffin in a bag. Some kind of a cream cheese flavor or something yeah like a cream cheese blueberry and the the a moisture that is unaccount you can't account for the moisture i was just gonna say they're so soft and and amazing inviting you and you wouldn't think of that otis spunkmeyer had an unnatural orange flavor that i swear was not epa grade like if you tested

it yeah it was it was something where they're like they don't let it like chinese factory workers wouldn't be allowed to eat this yeah it looks like they peeled it off a traffic cone right they make it in chernobyl that's the only place like orange is grown in chernobyl chernobyl shit that's orange that's right i just I just love it's it's you don't need saliva in your mouth to eat it it provides it makes its own sauce it's amazing you just bite into it and you know that's probably just saturated fat or whatever it is but in that moment it's just a warm hug the blueberry in there is is is is persevering despite its surroundings. It's a rose growing out of concrete.

It's the best of the worst chemicals. Yeah, it's the best of the worst chemicals. Like New Jersey's proud lineage is present in every bite of that. Food chemists who killed themselves in a dark motel room because of what they wrought upon the world. I made fake banana. What have I done? They are amazing. Michael Clayton levels of guilt. It's just all present

in that bag. And I just fucking love them. I just love grabbing one of those, cracking it open, and having myself a nice civilized dessert. And now that I live with my girlfriend's a baker i don't know how many more opportunities i'm gonna have with a muffin in the bag it's a slap in the face these are really this is turning into like just like road food this is this is all

food i could only eat when i know i'm not gonna be home for at least yeah now staying now staying in that lane uh it's time for my it's time for my fourth pick with uh road food this is tough i gotta go i have to i gotta be honest with myself on this one i am uh i like for you know i i like a salty snack i love a savory snack i have the high blood pressure to prove it i'm gonna take a bugle and specifically the ranch bugle that's like the only pick i remember from the previous draft is that is you picking that bite the back off and toot that horn to the mayor i love it i do i i it's it's a prop-based comedic bit it's a snack the witch fingers uh-huh ohes, dude. Forget two Popes. Four Popes, dude. Anthony Hopkins.

Jonathan Price. Cast whoever you want. Denzel. Gary Oldman, dude. Four Popes. I'd say they're Klansmen and then I eat them. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not fun to be in the Klan now and then you just eat them. It's a crunch that is not available in nature on Bugles no no no no no there is like a like a coating on a bugle that you don't find on other deeply unnatural i think it emits its own kind of like scarecrow gas it distorts your reality yeah a hundred percent yeah that shit is a wild crunch man it is weird it's dry in the hand and wet in the mouth of bugle it's weird somehow unnatural that's a great only the gas station too i have never if i go to your house and you put out a bowl of blue sociopath yeah yeah you know you don't even have a kid and i'm revoking custody in that case i think you get flagged i think if you try to buy those at like a

safe way they call it like they call the cops but don't tell you and try to keep you there with conversation until the cops get there yeah like how long have you been into the anarchist there's a button underneath the register that they hit sorry your card's not clearing i don't know what's going on yeah bugles man the ranch that i love all i mean i love all the flavors but if the ranch one is available that's the one i'm getting i just i just i'm not proud of it but i fucking love it uh the ranch bugles the muffin in a bag back to back sean tomtom or count them up fourth pick oh shit i oh crap i didn't think it was me just now all right you took shit dude john likes eating poop at the gas station

i'm debating if i um hmm i'm debating what i should do here i don't have anything sweet yet all right i'll do it i'll get it's pretty basic but i just i always do it they're my favorite peanut m&ms always always on the job always getting a peanut m&m i'm aware you can get them other places but i don't i get them on road trips i justify it as like my dessert. And it's my favorite candy by far. That's maybe the classiest pick you've had. Yeah, I think you're just getting the best player on the board. You're just getting the best talent on the board.

That's great. Yeah, I did kind of buckle right there. I don't know if I was going to pick that, but I was on the spot, which is how a draft works sometimes. You know, sometimes you're out having a... You don't know you're up and you went to the bar to grab a cocktail because you think you got a few rounds left. And then there you go peanut m&ms but you never even seen bugle ranch bugles 40 time and i took and all of a sudden you were like shit did we would should we

have yeah everybody heard about how many times you ripped 225 at the combine yeah that was the shot you see that uh tiktok and i'm jumping out of a pool crazy yeah that's totally rad bugles yeah yeah yeah peanut m&ms man there you can't go wrong and uh there you know you can you can let somebody have one or two i do get upset when somebody's like give me a couple

and then they take like seven i'm like that's that's not a couple that's too many because that's a big m&m yeah it's like, give me a couple. And then they take like seven. I'm like, that's, that's not a couple. That's too many. Cause that's a big M and M. Yeah. It's like, that's a huge, what do you think?

25, 20 maybe in, in a little, each one is like two pieces of candy. Yeah. So seven, that's like 14 pieces of candy. Yeah.

By far my favorite candy and M and M. I just, they're so, they're so good and just clutch and perfect. So yeah, peanut M&Ms. M&Ms is really getting over there. I don't want to say over their skis because I think they're nailing it, but they're in a maximalist period right now. There are so many different kinds of M&Ms. You know what they just started doing is they just started, I just saw a commercial the other day. Now they're giving you mixed bags. Finally. My whole, I'm like,

why, why don't they sell them mixed bags? And now they're doing it. bags. Finally. My whole, I'm like, why, why don't they sell them mixed bags? And now they're doing it. Finally. It's like they ran out of ideas and they're just doing the simplest thing where it's like, cause I love them all. And I, but I don't want to get like seven bags of M&Ms. I want it like, give me, you know,

make it a little surprise. It's never a bad surprise. It's awesome. No matter what kind of- You know what M&M stands for? Oh, hold on. Are you being serious? Martin and Moesha. It's a tribute to black what M&M stands for. Oh, hold on. Are you being serious? Martin and Moesha.

It's a tribute to black sitcoms from the 90s. I love them even more now. Yeah. You mean Martin? I have the full disc set down there. Is that what you're talking about? You're talking about this limited series that ran uh was it on file with martin on fox yeah oh yeah yeah i just watched the biggie clip the other

day on martin if you forget that biggie was on martin what a sweatsuit he was wearing a sergio taccini set sweatsuit yeah yeah that's sick uh yeah spencer time for your fourth pick going to the roller i thought i got i got to the fourth round before I went to the roller. So I'm going to go ahead and select Quick Trip is a chain out of Oklahoma. So if you're familiar, their roller, pretty diverse selection

on the roller. I'm going to go to the roller, but I'm going to pick a dark horse off the roller, which are the egg rolls. I'm going to pick an egg roll off the roller, which are the egg rolls. I'm going to pick an egg roll. Man, I gotta be, I gotta be in a certain mood to do that.

But when I'm in that mood, it's going to be a fun ride. As a, as a proud, proud Jack in the box, egg roll eater. I applaud this pick with every ounce of my spirit. And so yeah,

the far East meets the Midwest. Yeah, this is Shanghai via Tulsa. That's what this is. China has no awareness of this food. China has no... No, they would be aghast. They would be like,

why have you taken this hostage and put it on this torture machine? Middle of the ocean. Like, way out. Yeah. Far Eastern Oklahoma. That is... That's my pick. I feel like i'm hanging my whole ass out here too

because if you're like yeah i'll get a ralph i'll eat an egg roll off the roller people like make certain assumptions about your sex life they're like oh yeah we're a freak you just want to oh i don't want to know kamasutra yeah nothing this guy won't do this is a filthy human being like if another it's because if anyone else is like, what would he put in his mouth? Yeah. Like if anyone else is like, if you could videotape

and he's like, you're not? Yeah, of course. I thought you had that this whole time. Please. What?

Do you think this is a dark match? No, this is live. We're streaming this. What are you talking about? I'm not saying this because of the Asian connection. It is an open kimono food

and you're hanging it all out. I mean, I just say if anyone else tells me that they're like yeah i'm all about the egg rolls off that i'm always like this is a degenerate this is a person who's yeah because when i'm eating it i'm always like i hope nobody can see this yeah it is funny when somebody shares the same belief as you but you're like oh you'd like it makes them look worse in your eyes but you're like i know you're never quite sure you're like oh hell yeah dude oh no i'm so sorry worse in your eyes, but you're like, I do it. You're never quite sure. You're like, oh hell yeah, dude. Oh no. I'm so sorry. This is your

life. Cause now you're part of my dark passenger too. Right. What else is there about you that I can sort of think of as a harbinger of things to come? You can start looking for that. Probably, probably any of my sports preferences. You're like, that's not a good team. And you go, no, but the closest thing being able to read the future like you see somebody getting those off the roller and you stop them you're like don't drive you're gonna get a dui tonight i just think so thank me later do they come with a sweet and sour dipping sauce there they can they can okay they can also dude i'm telling you the condiments they can also have ranch on them if you want to go crazy.

You could put Frank's Red Hot on there. I mean, go nuts, man. Oh, you don't think I put a Jack in the Box egg roll into a buttermilk house sauce? I have. I don't like it. I will say, weirdly enough, I always think that I'm going to want it in there, and then I dip it, and I'm like, ah, no, no, you've done too much. Oh, no, man. You give me a ramekin, anything ramekin-sized is getting dipped in whatever i can put in the ramekin you know like

if i can fill it up with ranch then the egg rolls perfect size to go in there you got to do it very fun dave david borey we've been on a journey so far it's time for your fourth pick followed by your speed round bonus pick my My fourth pick, I got to stay true to my heart. A lot of you guys know I am not a big coffee drinker. It's just not really my thing. But in the morning, especially back when I used to work at the Loaf and Jug. I've worked at several gas stations. But back when I used to work at the Loaf and Jug, man.

In the morning, when I was working overnights, I would love to hit that super sweet cappuccino machine oh yeah the sugar machine dude yeah just make like a breakfast drink suicide on that thing hot chocolate caramel toffee cappuccino white chocolate mocha all in one cup yeah those are it's funny at the end of the pour you can always see where it's just like sedimented sugar coming out and you're like if you don't mix it you're gonna get one solid drink but if you mix it it's like it sprinkles it in oh yeah that caramel flavor that comes out of that machine is i feel like you could plug a tv into it and it would run

just like in the flavor like there's something crazy about it i think you can't pour it down the drain they gotta throw it in the dumpster yeah yeah yeah the government has to come pick it up yeah yeah yeah i think if you put i think if you put that in a go-kart you could put a kid in orbit oh for sure for sure if you put in the kid and the go-kart fucking if you pour one of those cappuccinos down a kid's throat he'll go over this bar on the swing set oh yeah it's like getting sub-zero and scorpion in the same room you can't it's just it's crazy it's too much yeah it's good shit's going down that induced you've heard of inducing labor that induces puberty that like

immediately comes a man where do you think i got this beard from just pops out like wolverine's claws yeah that shit is that shit is it is it is intense but yeah i would i would really so it's like that's probably the most coffee shit i've ever drank was when i was working a loaf and jug sure hitting that cappuccino machine in the morning boy howdy and your final pick your bonus round pick oh man my final pick uh once again only ever seen it in a gas station i feel like i had a lot of drinks on this a big red soda oh yeah oh yeah dude those are that's you're doing texas proud there i is that is that texas officially 100 yeah it's big red its own brand or are there because there's it doesn't have like i always assumed it was bottled by pepsi but i don't know i yeah i just they say big red and it doesn't seem like they have any like

brand recognition on there other than that like it just seems like its own thing no it's i don't know who owns it but i know it is a big texas thing you get you get because it has big in the name when you can't get little ones you can't get a little red right don't they just come in like the leaders and that's it yeah i don't know if i've ever seen anything smaller than a 32 ounce big yeah that's fucking big you can't get like a can of it brand wise we don't allow it you pour it into a fountain it boils oh man yeah i don't know but i just i love it yeah big red big red and it's like it's just one of those things that like i don't even like i'm not like super in love with soda or anything like that i i've only ever seen it at a gas station i'll only ever get it at a gas station but yeah

big red that was my that was my speed round i talked a lot on big red dude hell yeah excellent pick spencer time for your final pick um i'm gonna see who the real ones are here getting a pickled egg out of the jar taking a pickle just taking one right out oh i might not even enjoy i might not even enjoy it i'm just gonna do it to watch you watch me eat it oh man that's the thing you're like if if there's any road rage i'm just gonna stare at the person while i'm eating that and then i'll calm it all down some men want to watch the world burn uh how long how long has it been there who knows you can say uh yeah no never in my wildest dreams

have i thought about reaching my hand in there or the tongs or whatever you've never had one ever no and i love an egg like i love an egg and but never i couldn't have called that with you sean it was it was either you would have one of two reactions which is like i fucking love it or i've never even entertained it not in a million years have i thought about doing that i love respect it though you gotta respect the hustle on that that's a good one it's wild it's wild it's no it's it's the pick that lets you know there's a road and there's a fork and one of you went this way and the other one got the pickled egg there's also a bare hand in a jar yeah you're telling them it's well this is gonna be a solvent for the steering wheel also so they don't also, I maintain it's a chemical weapon.

Some people keep a bat under the, under, you know, like the seat or something. Like some people have a gun in the trunk. I got an egg. And if I wing it near your eyes, you're blind for a month.

Yeah, sure. You want to play this man? It's your call. All right. Just hold it like a grenade. Like what are you going to do? What's the most you've ever lost on an egg toss because i've lost it all yeah

i don't have any drinks and this again i only get this at gas stations because you're normally on a road trip red bull i love red bull i think it tastes great oh yeah but i never ever ever would get a red bull if i wasn't like driving somewhere i've never had a bar every time we've ever been at a bar well that's yeah that's a good mix mixed with jägermeister my friend if we were drafting shit you get at bars i'd be like yeah jager bomb but yeah on the road i keep it 100 no drinking and driving but the the Red Bull. That's right. I just I love Red Bull. I think it tastes great, but it does do something to me.

Like it makes my heart. I can feel a Red Bull more than I can feel others like coffee or whatever. But a Red Bull, I'm like, yee. Like this is a once every six months kind of thing. But I do. Wings. That's all that is. That's just the wings.

Yeah, that's just the wings. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just my final pick i this is another one where i have to keep it real i have to i have to be able to look at myself in the mirror after this and if i didn't take this pick because i think it's the thing i've gotten most from gas stations and that is a small sleeve of wasabi almonds yeah good call yeah those are great i love those and the lasting flavor it'll like you know it's something that it it just sticks around it sticks to your ribs a little bit it's great i love those and the lasting flavor it'll like you know it's something that it it just sticks around it sticks to your ribs a little bit it's great i look at it like it's two treats one you get the wasabi flavor that you suck off the almond and then you get an almond crunch it's delicious yeah i was just gonna say i don't think i ever had one before i met you i

think you turned me on to that yeah it was it was also, yeah, wake up factor, decongestant. Decongestant, this is a utility player. You need it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm off caffeine, so like wasabi almonds, big time. That wraps it up. David, you went first. You took Slurpees, Hunt Brothers Pizza, White Cheddar Smart Pop,

the Cappuccino Machine Cappuccino Midnight Run, and then a Big Red Soda. Spencer, you went second. You took crispy crunchy chicken, Bucky's beaver nuggets, boudin balls, quick trip egg roll, and the pickled egg. Yeah, you win. You win. Sean, you went third.

You took nacho cheese, just the cheese, hot dog, the cheese and jerky pack, the peanut M&M, and a Red Bull. I went last, and I took the go-go taquito pepperoni sticks muffin in a bag uh the ranch bugles and a small sleeve of wasabi wasabi almonds uh marissa did you have a pick uh yeah i like to feel like a kid uh i like the hubba bubba bubble tape yeah yeah bubble tape we left some good ones on the board there was some good undrafted free agents here the uh pretzel and cheese combos i always yeah i always found delightful but that's also with the cheese of course yeah any kind of doritos yeah any kind of doritos great player i

didn't pick gas station coffee which you know for for sheer energy and self-loathing nothing like gas station coffee yeah it's hot and cold at the same time it's just a weird it's it's a loose coffee it feels like loose it's just hate it's just liquid hate man it is yeah there was a pizza david picked the pizza but i gotta shout out hot stuff pizza that was like around where i was that was what you would get in like the midwest gas stations was a nice little personal pan hot stuff pizza those are off the chain got a little mention pork rinds though chicharitos man yeah only in the gas station for sure yeah i like the chicken roller that's at 7-eleven too oh yeah i put that in the bun god they're good the buffalo chicken roller oh yeah buffalo that's another weird color where you're like it's an unnatural color but i don't

care at all and another another shout out to that weird little rib sandwich that you find sometimes wrapped up in paper. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I know what you're talking about. A chuck wagon. I forgot about till just now. A chuck wagon sandwich is always a good call. Like the blue cordon bleu chuck wagon.

Oh yeah. The audacity that they call that a cordon bleu. I'm like, all right. A cordon bleu after the famous French culinary school. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at all fantasy pod on Twitter. All fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE

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