All Fantasy Everything - Hangover Cures (w/ Matt Braunger, David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: September 6, 2018

Draw the blinds, get a burrito, pour yourself a tall glass of water, because The Good Vibes Gang is joined by Matt Braunger to draft Hangover Cures. Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodEpisode Guest:Matt Braunger @Braunger IG: @BraungerFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is at the end of its fucking rope. I heard. All right? It's at the end of it. It probably shouldn't have drank yesterday. Yeah?

It was tricky. You know? It didn't get drunk, but it, well, one of it got drunk. It was tricky. Oh, two of it got drunk. Oh, two of it got drunk. I went out after you guys left my house. Did you really? Yeah, when I was there.

I just had a couple drinks, but it, you know. And it was all goddamn day. Yeah. All goddamn day. Let it out, dude. Let it out here. It's here now. Let it out.

It's feeling much better. Good. It's that podcast. Hell yeah. I wasn't drinking until later in the day. Yeah. Though. Oh, that's true.

You were working the grill. I was working the grill. Two parts of the podcast went out and started getting drunk during lunch. Didn't realize that we were going to do that. Real Sergeant. What did you think was going to happen? I thought we were going to have lunch and then watch Ballers. That's what I thought was going to happen.

Not like that's far away from happening most of the time. You can talk whenever. Yeah. What? Okay. Did you get hammered yesterday? Nope. I'm old, though.

I'm old. I've got to pick my hammered days. I've got to pick them well. Yeah. I just had drinks with you guys on the weekend. Yes, yes. You did. We had an evening Thursday.

I cut it short myself. Did not go to the second location. Yeah, good call. Saturday. I cut off the second location. Yeah, I just didn't go. Yeah. Oh, how does that feel?

It was good. It was the right move. Oh, it sure felt great. You hit 40, you'll know. And then we went out on Friday, and we partied it out. Friday, I got good in hand. You had lipstick on on Friday. Me and Ian put lipstick on.

What, you're not going to put lipstick on? That's a good joke. I didn't. It was like purple lipstick. We're beautiful men. Where'd you get it? My wife. My wife. My wife.

What happened that you got? I don't know what. He put it on, and I was like, I want to put it on lipstick. And it was one of those kind of wild dive bars. And we just hung out sitting around with our lipstick and drinking. You couldn't see a shit until the light went on, and you're like, damn, you do have lipstick on. And the DJ was a big fan of ours. Yeah, which was cool.

Of the Lipstick Boys? Of the Lipstick Boys. The Lipstick Boys. Our newly formed two-man band. Those Lipstick Boys are at it again. At it again. Pulled another robbery. What are they thinking?

We know it's them. Wearing button-down shirts at the punk club. No, Lipstick Boys. The Lipstick Boys have been known to order a shot and then just throw it over their shoulder like they're drinking it, but they don't drink it. And then you purse your lip and just stare like a cool model. I love tequila. Mm-hmm. It's Saturday.

Went out for a little. Had a good little drunk, but just like an acceptable. And then Sunday, a little wine. That's it. There it is. And then nothing. After five days, you took a day off yesterday. Yeah, yeah.

All right. Yeah. You didn't drink most of a bottle of Hennessy with your friend Sam on a Monday night? Sadly, no. Okay. Is that what you guys did? Tell me. That is a Labor Day, though.

That sounds good. It's a Labor. It's a Labor of Love Day. What'd you guys get up to after half that bottle? Oh, man. We went to the club. Yeah? We went to the club, and it was like, bro, can I just say Chris Redd is the coolest dude that I know?

He really is. He's cool. We go to the club, and it's like a movie. It's like red lighting, no white people, butts everywhere. No white people. Nice. And Chris was sitting on the booth. Like he was sitting on top of the booth.

Sure, yeah. And he just looked just like a rapper. And he was like, and I was sitting down there. And this girl was like shaking it next to my head because I think she saw I was with Chris. Whoa. And then like at one point he pointed at me and he was like, Boree!

And it was probably the coolest I felt. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's a good dude. I worked for two weeks on Disjointed. He was on Netflix. And he was like, I just played this random park ranger guy who busts them for smoking weed in the park. And then I testify against him in court and I fuck it all up because I'm dumb.

But like, my character. Yeah. The man is a brilliant man. When he was on set, he was like, he's like, hey man, are you just in this one scene? Because the first, it was a two episode thing and the first episode I'm just in one scene.

I was like, no, no, in the whole second episode of this, he's like, oh, okay. He's like, I don't know why they'd waste this hilarious man. I was like, what a warm, wonderful thing to say. It is. He's like, I don't know why they'd waste this hilarious man. What a warm, wonderful thing to say. You don't have to be that

nice to me. He's just a good all-around dude. Chris Redd. That's the Chris Redd. He really is a good dude. Hope he finally gets what he deserves. He's been having a tough time out here. No, God, that gets so funny. Also, I just saw you on TV, Matt Bronger, on I'm Dying Up Here.

Just started watching it. Oh, yeah. Both of you guys are on it. You're a very funny racist. Thank you. Thanks for... Very funny. The character, though.

The character on the show. Not racist at all. Yeah, yeah. Just me. Just me. Matt racist at all. Yeah, yeah. Just me. Just me. Matt was making choices. It's not in the script, but... I got to wear a silly wig, 70s clothes, and I got to fake smoke, which I've never done.

I got to smoke those herb cigarettes that burn. You just got... You get two puffs and they're gone. Yeah. So you got to just, like, every take, light them up again. They keep bringing them around. Light them up again. They keep bringing them around.

That's so crazy. But yeah, that was fun. I played a character who's literally named Tubbs the Obese Comic. Shit, you didn't. I swear to God. You didn't. And you had a crazy shirt on. It says the Obese Comic.

That's uncalled for. His name is Tubbs. That's crazy. All right. That's crazy. You motherfuckers. What the fuck were you thinking? Yeah, that's too much.

Did it have a Z? No, no, no. It was the 70s. See, that would have been more acceptable. Yeah. I'd like Tubbs with a Z. Tubbs, the obese comic. That's where you wanted it, right?

Yeah. In obese? That's ridiculous that they said that. They brought me back for the second season. You're funny as shit on it, though. Where I was still obese. Obese. Obese. Obese tries brought me back for the second season. You're funny as shit on it, though. Where I was still obese. Obese. Obese.

Obese tries. Real name, no gimmicks. I'll tell you also, somebody who got what's coming to him was all Sean Jordan. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on the gram. Still is, still is.

Album available at some point. Pending. But on Wax in the Can. Dude, that was so... Thank you so much to everybody that came out. Tom Banner. He's crying. It was, but on Wax in the Can. Dude, that was so... Thank you so much to everybody that came out. Tom Banner. He's crying. It was...

I was fucking... I was close, dude. It was bananas. I've never felt anything like that. It was crazy. And just having the energy in the room, everybody there being so cool, so supportive. There was a couple that came from Denver. And, boy, I wish you would have said hi.

The dude said he's like, I couldn't do it. And I was like, you would have said hi. The dude said, he's like, I couldn't do it. And I was like, you gotta do it next time. We just need to shake hands. Yeah, yeah. Don't let us down. 303, man. Sometimes, I mean, for the amount of people that just didn't take anything, they just showed up and got in free

and they just barge into our conversation. Seriously. What's this? The green room? Alcohol. Alcohol. We're talking, of course, about Sue Carmel. My mother, Sue Carmel. Please. She got in free and barged into our conversation. God, she's the best. Yeah, the greatest woman.

Shout out to you. No, but just if you came all that way, come say hi. Please, yeah. Say hi. People came from Denver. People came from Las Vegas. People came from San Diego, which is astonishing. Yeah.

And also, we haven't got to do this yet, shout out to old boy from Australia. Oh, man. Who came to High Plains? Ian, is there anything that would get you on a flight to Australia? No. I mean, you could visit Australia, but there's not like an event. Right. There's not like anyone or any band.

It was like Outkast is only performing. You guys are worldwide. That's so cool. Fucking Australia, dude. Well, I mean, he was an American dude. But he lived in Australia. It was like Outkast was the only performing. You guys are worldwide. That's so cool. Fucking Australia, dude. Well, I mean, he was an American dude. But he lived in Australia. It doesn't matter.

We have Aussie Australian fans. No, I mean, I'm sure there are Aussie fans that just aren't that crazy to get on a plane and fly all that way. These last two weeks have been absurd

because we did High Plains and then I went, we went right back to work and i'm right back into being called a dickhead for like four days in a row and then to my album recording and then today just right back to people calling me a dickhead all day on the phone i'm like man things can be different you know yeah yeah like uh i was listening to joe coy on wtf and he said he like he did the tonight Show and then went right back to his job at Norsum Rack.

Yeah, dear Jesus, man. He still was on that thing where everybody still watched the Tonight Show when Jay Leno had kind of just taken it over or whatever

and everyone had seen him and they're like, you were really funny. Can I see these in a 36? Oh, man. That's crazy. It's been a trip, though.

That weekend in Portland was crazy, crazy dope. Everybody. I was, I was glad that cause, cause, uh, my wife and I were just going to take experimentally go and have a work week in Portland.

Like I would write and she would like stay on the, on the, on it from the phones and everything. That was like, yeah. And then, uh, she,

she backed up with meetings. So we couldn't come until Wednesday night, but we were there Thursday and then found out you were doing your taping. And I was like, Oh, it's sold out. And she backed up with meetings. So we couldn't come until Wednesday night. But we were there Thursday and then found out you were doing your taping. And I was like, oh, it's sold out. And I was like, can we sneak in the back? Of course. You get into any show that I'm on for the rest of my life. Same.

No big deal. Never sold out. Especially if I was like, oh, I can't get tickets. Ian would be like, well, he's getting in. I've seen that happen. I've seen that happen. The level of confidence where I'm like, man, I can't get tickets you're gonna be like well he's getting in i've seen that happen i've seen that happen the level of confidence where i'm like man i can't do that people would look at me and be like actually we're sold out sir they don't do that to you no well you didn't get anybody into your show i try i have have you had that bite you in your ass in Portland, though, ever? No. No. Not for shows.

But there was a... Oh, at restaurants and stuff? One time. Sassies. Oh, sassies! There was a line to the sidewalk, and I got goaded on by my fucking wife and Brooks Whelan,

who were both like, just go up there and see if you can get us in. Go up there. And I'm... You know how that corridor's so narrow? I'm, like, sliding by people. People hate you. People hate you. Oh, my. They're like, what if you can get us in. Go up there. And I'm, you know how that corridor is so narrow? I'm like sliding by people. People hate you. They're like, what makes you different than us?

Like saying shit. And I'm acting like I have something like I forgot my wallet. I am ashamed. I'm so glad I could say this on an international forum. I am sorry. Strip club in Portland is what sassy is. Did you get in? Nope.

No, but look, I got near the front of the line, and I went, no, no, no. I just abort, abort, abort. Fuck this. I am not this asshole. Did they know you, though, when you got there? I mean, if I got to the front, maybe they would have. But, you know, I've also been kicked out of sassy's. Sure.

Sassy's is, you know, the great thing about Portland strip clubs is they will tolerate no level of intoxication. No buffoonery. No. So, like, they let me in once. Talk about, like, who you are getting you in. They let me in. My Hoffie and my wife were, like, a little drunk, but I was wasted. And they're like, all right, he can come in, but he doesn't get to drink.

And they're like, okay. They sit me at the bar like a toddler. First beer I see, I pick it up. Out! Right away. Picked up right away. But it's like, you know. I made a substantial donation to the Sassy's Retirement Fund.

Nice weekend. Yeah. Nice. In the name of Cheryl Goodworks. Yay. Everybody needs donations, you know? Did you guys make it rain? I didn't go.

Yeah. Did you get one of those Supreme Money guns? No, because my friend wasn't working. Oh, damn. My friend Hazel, shout out to Hazel, suffered an injury. A nerve. She had a nerve issue that the doctor didn't diagnose right. On the pole?

No, I don't know. Maybe she did diagnose right on the pole no I don't know maybe she did get it on the pole but it was like a pinched nerve kind of thing that became more like

that would fuck up which sucks because she's like I know that people like maybe glib and think like it's all a sexual thing she really is just

she really is just my friend and she is so fucking amazing those girls on a pole she's like when they're like

at the top of the pole and you're like no no no no and you just like you see them breaking their nose on the ground and then they just stop. It's. Yeah. It's a squeeze and just like. It's very athletic.

I mean, it's a reason. She's fucking beautiful on there. It's like amazing to watch. They only let the best of the best like dance in that club. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, Devil's Point. Like there's certain ones that you just like.

Yeah. You can't just be anybody. No. Can't be no schmuck off the street. Geek off the street. Yeah. I said schmuck. I was doing the fucking Hasidic version of Regulators.

Well, Regulators. Well, you're going to be some schmuck from Staten Island. Please. You got to have it where it counts. You got to have chutzpah, kid. Chutzpah. Dude, in Denver, I pulled the trick, and we got him into the after party.

Into the after party, which I... Well, got the Australian. I was like, he flew all the way from Australia. Can he come in? And they're like, we have to go ask somebody. I'm like, he's coming in. I had a friend that used to do that with his mom. He'd be like, listen, you're going to get me a new skateboard, so can we just skip the argument or whatever and then just go to the skate shop?

That sounds way worse than what Ian did. Your friend's like a bad guy. He was bucked to his mom. You know, you get in a fight with your girlfriend. He was bucked to his mom. You want to be bucked to everybody but your mom. You get in a fight with your girlfriend and you're like, so is this going to end up in us breaking up?

Because if it's not, can we just skip the fight? Let's continue watching the exercises. Some people need to honor the process. I do not. Ivan Carmel tried to get me to big time our way into Mother's brunch on a Sunday. Oh, golly. I can usually, I'm sure you do the same thing in Portland where I'll kind of do a hover. And I'm like, are they looking?

Do they see? And if so, then I go up and maybe see what I can finesse. And these guys were not looking. You ever slid a couple bucks? I've not looking. You ever slid a couple bucks? I've never done that, like slid a couple bucks to someone and get in. I do if they give me a table. Really?

Yeah. I've never done the preemptive, here's a 20, make it happen, because then it implies that you are... They work for you now. Yeah. I'd rather they get me a table, here's a 20.

Okay. You know. Okay. Yeah, sometimes when I go to Little Caesars... I give them exactly what the pizza costs. You know. Okay. Yeah, sometimes when I go to Little Caesars. I give them exactly what the pizza costs. You're going to see more now and more hot. What's the now is the hottest pizza you have?

I want the readiest. No, that's what it is. The hottest is the readiest. When I was in high school and we would go to Denny's and just drink a bunch of coffee at night. Oh, hell yeah. When you're young, you can do that. You can do that. I love that. We used to do it at a frying pan.

Someone came in, a shorter lady with a large head and a prominent nose. Nice. And short curly hair and a little hat that kind of looked like. Are you describing a Jewish man? No, listen. It's a woman. It was a woman. It was a woman.

And someone. I thought a woman. All right. I thought he was describing the orphanage. You know when someone at the table just says something that makes you laugh so hard, you're trying. Yeah. You're like, oh, I feel bad. I feel so bad. But someone said, hey, it's Little Caesar. Oh, her.

Oh, her. No, listen. She looked just like Little Caesar. Yeah, yeah. And she walked up to the host stand and went, hi, hi. Oh, no. I'm not kidding. It was like, you're trying not, and it's just like, brr.

Basically, she didn't know what we were laughing at. That's fucking hilarious. Oh, all those teens in the corner who laughed as soon as she said something. Well, it was like, there were a thousand of us. You know, it wasn't like, just our table. Oh, that sounds even worse. No one went, hey, look over there. No.

I don't know if I'd be telling that story. I'd be like, we broke someone's heart that day. Right, yeah. She's far away. I've been trying to piece together my life for every day since. Whenever that woman hears a group of people laughing, she thinks it's about her. Unfortunately. I do.

I do. You look freakish. Don't get me wrong. What is this guilt trip we're trying to... Yeah, sorry. We're trying to send Matt Broga, our friend. My fault. Our once mentor, now dear, dear friend.

Oh, Christ. We're trying to send him on an all-expense-paid guilt trip? That's what you're up to today? No, man. Why don't you take a good long look at yourself? I can praise you on this podcast, and I will shame you on it. I had enough people call me a prick today, and I'm venting.

That's me. That's me. That's me being the prick that they were all calling me today. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you got called a prick. It's no good. I was telling them all to fuck off. That's the guy you were trying to make feel. I mean, that's why you're calling your new record Call Me A Prick Now. Call me prick to my face. I mean, that's why you're calling your new record Call Me a Prick Now. Yeah. Right?

Yep. Call Me a Prick to My Face. Because later. Prick to my face. Sounds like a cool song. Prick to my face. Also, I'm having a pretty pricky hair day today, I noticed.

When I looked at it, I was like, I look like a dickhead today. Like, I'm trying for this to happen. There's a big coif part going on for everyone listening. Next Top Yacht Club. You have a sweater neatly ripped around your neck tied by the sleeves in front. A Trump vote that you

it's kind of secret unless you've got one Tom Collins. It only comes out after like six or seven scotches. You know what? I'm going to tell you. I voted. I'm sorry. You're like, you know what? Alright. Look, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna tell you. I voted. I'm sorry.

I own a couple properties. God damn it. I'm a business owner. I'm not saying I love everything he does. I'm not saying immigrants cause all the problems, alright? But a lot of them, okay? But if you look at the numbers, they always tell you some numbers we don't have access to. Yeah, exactly.

And then I just smack the table. You tell me the explosion didn't start at the bottom. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. That's the other part about him. And then I start talking about Zeitgeist. Then I start talking about Loose Change. And then Ian shows up and he's like, Loose Change, bro. Zeitgeist 2, bro.

Man, those movies really fucked up a whole generation. He said watch two of them in a day. And Ian's like, what? Do you know how many parties I've been at like smoking a cigarette next to the keg when some dude's just like, you seem loose change. Yeah. Open your mind's eye, bro. Yeah.

Probably. Probably. It's probably happened to me 30 times by a keg. By a keg. Some white dude with no shoes on. Somehow I'm talking. And you're trapped. Before we move on,

I just want to say take this opportunity now to thank everyone who did come out to the Live All Fantasy Everything in Denver, Colorado at the High Plains Comedy Festival.

Bananas. What a beautiful time it was. Yeah. I got a little soused up, which will happen. It did happen. Which will happen. There's no getting around it.

I mean, you, you came out hot. I had to come out hot. You didn't. I had to get that pop. You didn't. No, I had to get that pop, dude. There was a three shot of tequila, and Chekhov's gun was placed on the mantle, and I had to

drink Chekhov's gun. Wow. You drank it up. Yeah, I drank it like not in one drink, and I'm like, oh. He drank it in one drink. You know that? Well, yeah, but not an open the throat gulch. It was like a.

Like the kid when he kicks back the Sunny D. That's what you were like, mom, oh, mom got Sunny D. And then you're like. I set it, or he sets it down. I try to hand you my beer or water, and you're like, no. The people. I loved it. Paid to see a show.

That's true. We were going to give them a goddamn show. Did someone send you that? Without that work. It was just up there. They asked us what we wanted. Just a party favor. They asked us what we wanted on stage, and we all asked for way too many drinks.

Yeah, of course. We were like, an hour? We're going to need 10 drinks. Sure. Everybody there, they paid for the whole seat. Now, how much did they need? Just the edge. Yeah, that's all they needed.

Just the edge. True. That was all they needed. That's all action, that's all they needed. Just the edge. True. That was all they needed. That's all action. That's all they needed. Intensity, intensity. It was fun. I still, you know, maybe worse for the wear, but I still got the plane on the ground.

Oh, it was great. You still pulled the ship into the port at the end. Sure. I was fucking crying at the end of it. What do you want? It's a live show. You were crying at the beginning? I almost was.

We had a good time? Yeah. I'll tell you, how drunk I got during that show didn't stop me from dancing later. Not even one second. David! That is such a fun festival. Oh man, I was at it last year.

That's gotta be like a yearly thing for us. Yeah, I've done every single high point. Yeah, but like Sussneeks, it's interlopers, outsiders. I want to take my... You know what? The first time I did the single high points. Yeah, but like Sesame, Interlopers outside us. I want to take my... You know what? The first time I did the version of my podcast I do now, I did it there

live. You did it there live? It's great. Great crowd. What a supportive city. Thank you for coming. Such a fun festival. Yes, I DJed one of the after parties. Yes, that happened. Yes, I rapped every song with the acceptable words. David goes, I saw you rapping Snoop Dogg with all the words you could say.

Yeah. Good for you. Anywhere anyone can come see you? Saturday in L.A., this Saturday, I'll be at the Blue Rooster doing On Deck with that fucking pig, Mike Malloy. I hate him so much. The enemy. Dickhead, dude. True enemy.

True. And he probably won't even have pants on. I hate him. He won't. So that guy. Anyway, I'll be there. It's a dope show. I've concocted a lie about my grandma flying to Portland just so I can miss that show. We'll be in Portland this weekend.

You are? Holy shit. I have to go back. Yeah. Okay. Is your grandma really coming? She really is flying from East Coast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, go see that. And go see Brandon Wardell's show at the Satellite. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sunday night I'll be at the Satellite.

And then I'm doing a podcast on Sunday night where they take you to a haunted place and you talk about it. That's cool. It sounds scary. We're going to the Devil's Gate Dam in Pasadena. Anyway, that's nothing that you can go to, but I'm just kind of scared. Okay, cool. Look out for Detox. Matt Bronger in the studio.

Yay! At Bronger on Twitter. Yes. At Bronger on Instagram. How the hell are you? I'm good, buddy. How are you? Good.

Doing good. We talked about it briefly, but we saw you in Portland. It was such a highlight. That was such a good time. You went to Canard. You're the best. Yes, sir. I went to Canard later that weekend.

Yes. That is a good fucking restaurant in Portland, Oregon. And the dude, we sat at the bar. The dude took perfect care of us they were so good I had like a basically a gin martini drank all of it but a drop

and then was articulating story knocked it over, a little bit trickled out he was like, oh I'll get you some more made me almost another whole drink no charge do they have like a specialty? yeah, he just said you knock it over and you get a free drink free drink made me almost another whole drink. Oh my God. No charge. Do they have like a specialty? Is it like a Yeah, he just said

you knock it over you get a free drink. Free drink. Pay me fucking attention. That's what happens. It's Les Pigeons like cheap like more casual restaurant.

It's like fun. And all kinds of wild shit like little like they basically do like a White Castle kind of burger. Sure. A steam burger

that you order like five of if you want. Fuck yeah. I do want five. All kinds of they have like soft serve It's crazy But it's all like Refined and fancy

Nice I got out of there for so cheap It was crazy Yes for sure Sounds dope Delicious Delicious restaurant Shout out to them

Hell yeah Hell yeah That fucking steam burger Was so good Merry steam burger dude Yup What do you got What do you got coming up?

Where can people see you? Oh, first of all, you got to tell people about your podcast. Yeah, seriously. I do one called Advice from a Dipshit with Matt Bronger. And people call in a number and leave a message. And my producer, Amanda, picks the best ones. The podcast is only half an hour. And I basically, like, she throws them at me at random.

I never know what's gonna play so i get people that ask for like sincere advice and people that ask me way out crazy whacked fucked up shit and like i just i treat it all the same and it's like i try to make it entertaining and shit but i just feel like i got married late i've made all kinds of fucking mistakes i don't i don't regret any of it because it like it led me to here yeah i've never been happier in my life so it's just learned from this dipshit. People that are just like, oh, don't call yourself a dipshit. It's like, I am, and so are you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're listening to this. Everybody. It's the same in a one-person club. We're all dipshits. We've all been dipshits on some level. I couldn't be more of a dipshit. You, me, Cameron.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Damn it. Maybe once. Maybe once. Tommy Lee Jones is a dipshit. You, me, Cameron. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Damn it. Maybe once. Maybe once. Tommy Lee Jones is a dipshit. They got that song, Dipshits. I'm not kidding. They got that song,

I'm reppin' the song, Dipshits. I'm not just gonna say Cameron's a dipshit. That song is so good. They got that group called Dipshits. That song, the beginning of it makes me feel like I'm taller than I am. Oh my God. For real.

When Dave Dash is just talking. When Dave Dash is just talking. And then you just see Cameron in that fur coat. And you're like, oh shit, they're back. It's still dip set. You dip shit. Yeah, I love that.

I got to throw that in the podcast. Yeah. And I got to have you fuckers on too, because now I'm starting to have. Yeah. Are you starting to have guests? Kind of random guests. We'll come separate. We'll come together.

Listen to me. Whatever. However you want to do it. I'll do separate. I'll do whatever. Man, if you want the biggest dip shit answer, you get all four of us in the room. Oh my God. We'll have to do a long one for that.

That'll be a rough answer. That'd be great. Break up with her. What's up with just screaming in the back? I don't know. Have you tried molly? Like that kind of advice. I just had the first new one with the first one with actual guests on it just came up

today, and it's with Open Mike Eagle. And there's someone who called in that was like, I be uh you know a rapper now i'm a truck driver and like i want to do something creative and i think we we we kind of helped him out but like mike was just like i don't know i might know this guy it's weird like you can't shit on too much yeah yeah yeah sure used to be a rapper now i a bus driver. It was MCA. Get it? But yeah, I got that and going to Just for Laughs in Toronto. Oh, beautiful. 42.

That'll be fun. The one Toronto? Home of Super Producer Marissa. Where she currently is. Where she currently is in Toronto. For TIFF, the Toronto Film Festival. Okay. So yeah, we got a ton of Canadian fans.

Go see Bronco in Toronto. Go see my Bronco. Yeah. You'll be thrilled. Say what up, say what up. I'm doing my new show called Please Hold Toronto. Go see my Bronco. Yeah. You'll be thrilled. Say what up. Say what up. I'm doing my new show called Please Hold Me. Is that what it's called? That's what it's called.

Fantastic. They could have gone either way. They could have gone either way. Excellent. Excellent. And people can find the number for your podcast just like on your Twitter feed, on your Instagram. I'll say it by the end. I got to pull it up.

All right, cool. David Borey in the house today. The G is silent on Twitter. Cool Guy Jokes, 8 and 7. 8 to the 7. It's an 87 on Instagram. It's not changing. It's not fucking changing.

The platform lasted longer than I thought it would, and I don't care now. Look, that's me with Gmail, dude. It's got 187 in my head. Exactly, and I like me. You toss an apple core in the backyard, it turned into a big, strong tree. You're not going to cut it down. Where do they come from?

Oh, man. What do you got going on, man? What do I got going on? On Friday? Oh. Oh, shit. I don't even know if I told you guys this. Oh, shit.

I don't think so. On Friday, yeah, the day after this comes out, I'm opening for Babyface. What? Yeah. What? No, David, you day after this comes out, I'm opening for Babyface. What? Yeah. What? No, David, you didn't tell us that. I didn't tell you guys that. Shut the fuck up.

No. I didn't tell you that. Babyface? Where? Bennyface? Kenneth Babyface? Where? Kenny Babyface.

Kenny, take it easy. Take it easy. At this casino, you want to come? Yeah. Malloy's giving me a ride. You want to? Yeah. Yes.

All right, let's go. Yeah, I'm opening for Babyface. He'll be gone. What the fuck? Of course you want to come? Yeah. Malloy's giving me a ride. You want to go? Yes, dude. Yeah, I'm opening for a gig. He'll be gone. What the fuck? Of course I want to go. I think that, like, the week that I got that gig, just a bunch of other shit happened. Sure. So I forgot to tell you guys.

That's awesome. But, yeah, I'm opening for Babyface on, and then, you know, just going to kind of ride that wave. How interesting. That wave might be years, dude. How interesting. Yeah, that might be a year-long wave. Yeah, that's nice. That's right. That's your car plan, man. How interesting. That might be a year-long wave. Yeah, that's nice.

That's right. That's your car playing, man. My mom freaked out when I told her. That's so rad. She went ape shit. Are you guys with the same agency? Is that what it is? Or how it works?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's the only way I can even remember. That's come up, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Matt Dwyer was with the same agency as Julio Iglesias. And he opened for him at a casino for like a weekend. Matt Dwyer did? It's a casino.

Crazy ass dick joke. Those two are opposite. Yo, yeah, exactly. They don't go together. Well, dude, it's 10 minutes. They just want 10 clean minutes. So I figure it's going to be like, while people are walking in, like it's not.

I don't give a shit. The fact that Dwyer's not going to see Beck. He got drunk on a bottle of red wine before every show. And we'd just go up on stage. Before he had a kid, before he got married. And he was just like, do his fucking Dwyer did nothing clean he got drunk on a bottle of red wine before every show and we'd just go up before he had a kid before he got married and he was just like do his fucking Dwyer jokes

like I lost my virginity in the back of a Korean liquor store where people gather around to play spets like shit like that well shit now I can't open

for baby faces and listen and listen Julio was not there he showed up right as he ended and be like what they fund the young men

like that's never heard a thing he said like that was Julio saw that guy at a club like I must have him open so the audience were like what they find the young man. Like, that's never heard a thing. Like, I was Julio Sala kind of club. Like, I must have him open. So everyone in the audience were like, what the fuck? That was brutal.

He must be everywhere with me. No, that's so great, dude. Congratulations. That's great, dude. And then other than that, yeah, I'm doing that show with Sean. And I'm doing the show with Sean on Sunday. And, you know, Monday I'm going to blow my brains out

because I'm going out with Sean all weekend. So cool. I'm shooting something that Matt's in next weekend. I don't know if anybody I don't know when or how you'll be able to watch that. So maybe I shouldn't have said anything. That's fine. Tell us when it comes out.

People want to know you're having fun. But I'm moving around. I'm out here. It's Gilmore Girls. That's what it is. It's Gilmore Girls is what it is. Yep, the reboot. It's Gilmore Girls. It's Gilmore Girls. Except this one takes place in San Francisco.

It's called Fillmore Girls. Well, maybe we've got to bounce that name around. Trillmore. Yeah, Trillmore Girls. Trillmore Girls. Trillmore, I like that. Yeah. I like that one.

Morehouse. Yeah. That's what it is. Whoa! It's in Morehouse. Nice. Yeah. Well, they'd go to Morehouse. Yeah. That's what it is. It's in Morehouse. Nice. Yeah. Well, they'd probably go to Spellman.

And I just got recast. What? Actually, Morehouse. We can play cops. Pronger can't be the professor now. Matt and I are playing cops. Ah, shit. Pronger already filmed the first episode at Canard.

It's called Spillmore. Spillmore. Oh, there we go. Okay. Yeah. What are we drafting here? With jokes like that, you're going to be on the Billmore. Fuck yeah, I missed go. Okay. Yeah. What are we drafting here? With jokes like that, you're going to be on the billboard.

Fuck yeah, I missed it in here. I missed the energy. Addy and Carmel. Addy and Carmel, Addy and Carmel, Addy and Carmel. Listen to all fantasy, everything. Watch the Late Late Show. What do you got coming up? Root for us at the Emmys. What do I got coming up?

Besides going to the Emmys. Oh, I'm going to the Emmys. I'm going to both Emmys. I'm going to the Emmys, the creative arts, and then the big show. The big one. What's the creative? What's the difference? That's the one that I got nominated at.

It's the same Emmy. You got nominated for an Emmy. That's 100% right. Yeah. I almost conflated two little lines. That's what we do. The creative arts, that's where they'll give out best choreography or best writing on a variety special, for example, just because they're like, you know, people aren't going to tune into one of the big ticket networks to watch, you know.

I would. Well. I'm at the 10,000 Laughs Comedy Festival. I think you're going to be. I think. I think we're. I think. I know I am.

And if you want. I will be there. Shauna's going to be there. I will be there. And if you want to make will be there. Sean is going to be there. I will be there. And if you want to make sure all three of us are going to fucking be there... I'm going to be in Mexico City. Are you going to be in Mexico City? Yeah.

You know that for sure? I know that. The tickets have already been bought. Pretty wild. So, look, when you're trying to... Let me just say this when you're trying to... Because I'm happy to be there. I will.

But when you're trying to book all three of us,, you want the whole All Fantasy Everything experience, come correct. Just right off the bat. I will be there for sure. I will go. And we are going to go find Atmosphere, me and you. We're going to go find Atmosphere. It's still going to be a fucking fun time. We're going to fight him, dude.

You're going to try to find a balance? Come on. Hey, guys. I do this for money, y'all. I'm going to party for the fight to right. What's in Mexico City? What? What's in Mexico City?

It's a complicated story. My friend Chuck is a... I probably shouldn't have said his name. My friend is... You already said it. Independently wealthy. Okay, okay. From the purchase and sale of goods maybe not found in your local grocery store.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. He's a kidnapper. No, no, not people. Take him, take him, take him. Party favors of sorts. Ah. And we got all ripped up, and he was like, man, we should just go somewhere together. And I was like, yeah, man.

And he's like, fuck it, I'm buying tickets to Mexico City. And this was about four months ago, and I forgot about it. That's crazy. But yeah, man. He's like, fuck it. I'm buying tickets to Mexico City. And this was about four months ago and I forgot about it. That's crazy. But yeah, so I'm going to go to Mexico City. So November, you're going to be at a high altitude, smoggy. Wait, in October? In October. Oh, is that when it is? October. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Going to Mexico City. Rocktober. The food is supposed to be delicious. A lot of people have been going there. No, it's like a cool place. because it's huge I heard the museums are good we're doing seven days we're just gonna

beautiful I mean I don't know what we're gonna do it's gonna be fantastic it's gonna be fantastic I was joking when I was telling the comedy festival

to come back they're fucking wonderful and they're doing it's gonna be such a fun week it will be fun so come see Sean and I there it's gonna be awesome

yep October 19th 20th Sam Talon will be there Sam Tal That's gonna be awesome. Yep. October 19th, 20th, 20th. Sam Talon's gonna be there. Sam Talon's gonna be there. Friend of the program, Phoebe Bottoms. Yeah. Will be there. Yeah, fuck with that. Real quick shoutouts. We got a lot of

packet. This is the first time in the studio in a while. It's been a minute. Thank you to Phil. It's been a minute. Whoever sent us the RX bars, fucking shoutout to you. Shoutout to Kyle at Soothsayer Hot Sauce for sending us more hot sauce. Hell yeah. Fucking shout out to Michael, I think it's Creasy or Crease, from Co-op Hot Sauce for sending some of that hot sauce.

We're going to fuck with that. Shout out to this dude, Clay, oh, my handwriting, Carver, Clay Carver. Yep. From the, what's your hat say? Oh. The Portland Classic Clay Carver. Yep. From the, what's your hat say? Oh. The Portland Classic? From the Portland Classic. Yeah, dude.

We got golf tournament hats. Gee, oh. I'm going to wear them. I'm going to wear the shit out of this hat. You look good right now. I feel cool. Yeah. I feel really cool.

We've been known to drive a couple balls. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. Also, shout out to the dude, or the people from Santa Cruz, who got me the hat that says I got 20 on the fat guy. Yep.

That was so nice. Oh, yeah. My favorite new hat. That was awesome. Yeah, my favorite new hat. What else? What else? Here's a fun one.

Here's a real fun one. So two shout outs. And this is, it's a quote. Yo, Wendy, come to Bridgetown in Portland 2019 to visit Taylor. Now the next one. Yo, Taylor, come to Thailand to visit Wendy. What happened is these two best friends,

one of them moved to Thailand and they emailed us unbeknownst to each other and said like, hey, could you please shout out my, I'm getting goosebumps talking about it.

They're like, can you please shout out my best friend? It's been so tough being away from them and how cool is that? They both sent us separate emails.

Oh, that is wild, man. Hopefully you guys are going nuts right now because that's so cool. You guys really are best friends. That's so tight. Yeah, you guys love each other. You love each other the way we love each other.

And that is, the world needs that. That's exactly what time it is. So shout the fuck out. And go to Thailand, by the way. That'd be dope. And also come to Bridgetown. I'm working on it. First Mexico City.

That's fucking amazing. Yeah. If you're a comedy fan in general and you listen to AFE, this weekend in Boise, the 208 Comedy Festival. Yeah. Which we did not get invited to. No, no. Did not.

I hate to dwell on it. I did it last year. I hate to dwell on it. I didn't even want to bring it up, but we did. I hate to dwell on it. We didn't get invited. We were available. Damn near brought itself up.

We all do stand up and we have a popular podcast that does travel. Once again, I did it last year. That's why I'm not back. I've never done it. So near brought itself up. We all do stand-up and we have a popular podcast that does travel. Once again, I did it last year. That's why I'm not back. I've never done it. So that hurts even more. Voice 208. If you're on cheap plane tickets.

Yeah, it would have been so easy to get there. I'm always looking for a reason to bail on Mike Malloy for anything. Anything. Lunch.

A show that he books. Please talk about it. A pool party he's going to have. Get us there. Berg skis. Margs. Yeah. Like most of the time

I don't want to be around again. Now we won't be there. Kyle Kinane will be there. I'll actually be there at the Neural X Club on Sunday, October 14th. There we go. Bergskies. Margs. Yeah. Like, most of the time, I don't want to be around again. Now, we won't be there. Kyle Kinane will be there. I'll actually be there at the Neuralex Club Sunday, October 14th. There we go. That's right. The Neuralex View. The Neuralex.

Dope. Go. Cool name. City rules. Now, we aren't gathered here today in beautiful Headcum Studio. Just that you could be standing in Skid Row and fly a kite that hovered over the studio. That's how close we are. Yeah.

Just an upset. You could be standing in Skid Row and fly a kite that hovered over the studio. That's how close we are. Just an upset. We aren't gathered here to tell you to go to the 208 Comedy Festival in Boise. You know. Even though it's a great idea and you should. You should probably go. We are gathered here to fantasy draft hangover cures. Hangover solutions. And we have convened a blue ribbon panel of experts.

Yes. We really have. Scientists. We have a man here with an album called Soak Up the Night. Correct. Your special. Correct.

Soak Up the Night. This is, these are four people who know a thing or two about chasing last night away. Oh, man. I mean, after Denver, my thigh went numb

for about five days, so. Wow. But that's happened. I don't know. Yeah, I stopped seeing shades of blue for a week. It's cool. It just feels like my body was out of whack.

So it's just the... I started shaking like Tom Hanks and then the Captain Phillips, you know, when they put the blanket on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When it all hits him, what happens? Oh, shit. That was me on Sunday morning.

I was like, what did I just do? Yeah. And it's always end of Bridgetown for everybody. I mean, like people people, who was it? Like, one guy was like, I spent, like, the last day of Bridgetown, like, on my hotel room bed in a fetal position. I couldn't get up. Yeah.

Oof. I've had that. And then you don't come out until your show that night. Yep. And then you go right back. Yep. That's why I shouted to Moby Dong for sending that Pedialyte to the last Bridgetown.

Yeah. Yep. Never, never, never. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not talk about it Moby Dong for sending that Pedialyte to the last bridge. Yeah. Yep. Never, never, never. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not talk about. I don't know. All right. Ooh.

Ooh. Oh, shout out to Dane Delgado, I want to say. Dane Delgado. Bringing Pedialyte to the, so we had it before the show. Yeah. Drinking it with tequila. Pedialyte and tequila. Oh.

At the record, really, as we were recording. Tequilalite. Tequilalite. Tequilalite. Now, we are here to do a fantasy draft. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. And we throw and shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, you shoot. Let's turn over. Sean wins. Okay, he won. Sean won anyway. Sean won anyway. Sean won.

Sean, you win. So, as the winner, you get to determine the order of the draft. Now, before you do that, I will remind you, it is a serpentine draft. What is a serpentine draft? Great question. What's that mean? I'm glad. I'm glad everybody asked.

So, let's say that you're at a barbecue at David Borey's house last night, and he's got two different kinds of meats that he's cooking up. He's got some brisket and some chicken. Carne asada. Carne asada. I had some asada. I had a bottle of tequila before I started eating it, so. He's got some brisket and some chicken. Carne asada. Carne asada. I had some asada. I had a bottle of tequila before I started eating it, so just thought it was brisket.

So let's say it's carne asada. So there's a... Carne asada. You get a little, you pull off a little carne asada, and you take a bite of it, and then you go to the chicken, cut off a little bit of the chicken, take a bite of that, and then before you go back to the carne asada, you have another little bite of chicken.

Now there it is. And then you go back to the carne asada, have a little piece of the carne asada, and then before you go back to the carne asada you have another little bite of chicken. And then you go back to the carne asada have a little piece of the carne asada and then before you go back to the chicken you have one more piece of carne asada and just kind of rinse repeat. For God's sake. What the fuck? What's happening? Basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round

you pick first in the second. Okay, just tell me when it's my turn. We'll tell you when it's your turn. Please help me. Now Sean, with that knowledge in mind, what will the order of the draft be? I'm sure he explained it perfectly. Now, I feel like you don't get to go first a lot, so it's going to be Ian. Whoa, I never get to go first.

Yeah, Ian, myself, Matt, David. Okay. I feel like no matter if I pick the order, David goes last. If he picks the order, I go last. That's not how it goes for me. That's you who has a problem with me and my power. Pretty much is, dude. I would have rather been in your spot than my spot, dude.

Yeah, first is hard. First is tough. But there's a lot of first round shit that I feel like is going to go. Yeah. So I'm going to take the only thing that really helps. God damn it. What? More booze.

Oh, that's what you did. With the first pick in the Hangover Cures All Fantasy Everything, the only thing that really helps, everything else tempers it for me, the only thing that really helps is just more fucking booze. Jump back in.

Shout out to all those Bloody Marys with all the shit in them. Those shits have got me through. Mike Burns has the best term ever for it, which is when you just have beers, you slow sip throughout the hangover day. Oh, yeah. He calls them patch-em-ups.

Patch-em-ups. He's like, just going to have a couple patch-em-ups. It's a really cold beer that you sip real slow. It's like, yeah, works like a dream. I got some on my porch right now. For me, it always ends up going into another night, though. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Because it doesn't. What do you mean, though? What? Because, like, well, yeah, but, like, I don't want to be hung over that the next day. You know, that's, like, that just gives me, like. Well, it is that thing where. Well, the bill comes due eventually. If you.

Sip of the devil's juice. Yeah. If you, you know, you do juice yeah if you you know you do that if you do that every time it's like alright

well then you're just drinking every day oh you can't do it every day that's how you become a full blown that's indicative of a serious problem

that's what Pat Jordan did every day so there he goes yeah you gotta do it every once in a while yeah I love it

eventually you have to settle up I just love it when you get like that salty type of booze. God damn. Exactly. Like, where were we?

Was it in Vegas? Vegas. Las Vegas? Yeah. They had, like, a crab claw. Yes. And, like, a whole piece of sausage or some shit in there. There was, like, meat leather and, like, a crab claw.

Yeah. Olives. I just got taken back to that feeling. I just, like, transported there when you said that. So we went out after, or it was the day of Jay-Z. So it was the night before, obviously, we went out and got a little buck. Of course.

And then we all- Got a little buck. Sean put Jack Daniels in his giant, stupid Vegas drink. The second we got there. You know the big dumb drinks? One of those whale bone things? He put booze in it. Anyway.

So got a little buck. It wasn't that hollow guitar you wear with a strap. No, no, no, no. I wish. That's the being of strip drinks. I got another birthday coming up, Ian, and I got a birthday month coming up. That is known as rainbow barf right there. We walk up, and we all just kind of were like, man, we're going to get a drink, right?

And I don't like Bloody Marys. I like a Moscow Mule when I'm doing that. But yeah, we just did, and I just had such a surge of like, man, this is fucking awesome. Yep. And then we just sat and, you know, got hammered all day. It's just great. However you do it, if it's a patch-em-up beer in the fridge, maybe one in the shower, maybe you go out to brunch the next day,

and you're drinking mimosas, or maybe it's another quarter bottle of tequila just alone in your room. Yeah, that could be it, too. Insider tip, next time you go, go to the Ferris wheel at the queue, ask for the open bar cart of the Ferris wheel. You go

in there, and it's like 30 bucks for like a half an hour. Go all the way around, but it's all you can drink the whole time. Really? What the fuck? And it's one of those big round cars where it's like plenty of room to walk around and look through the glass. Once you get to the top, you see everything. And it's like of those big round cars where it's plenty room to walk around and look through the glass. Once you get to the top, you see everything.

And it's moving real, real slow. Yeah. It's the best. So I could pay like 90 and just have myself a day. Or an hour and a half. When that thing opens, I'm coming out wearing a different outfit. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?

And you bought the bartender's shirt. Yeah. You gave her yours. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to remember a different outfit. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? And then you bought the bartender's shirt. Yeah. Yeah. You gave her yours. Yeah. That's cool. Okay. I'm going to remember that. It's fun.

So, yeah. The only thing that really, really, truly helps is that fucking, is the little hair of the dog that bit you. I've had times where someone will just be like, hey, like it's medicine. Yeah. Like in training day, it was like, get that medicine up in you. Yeah. Where you're just like, I've had people give me

just one of those big Portland shots of Jameson and they're like, just take it, just do it. And then you do it and like, no shit,

two minutes, you're like, man, I don't feel it. It does work, man. What are we doing? You gotta go to work, all right?

Yeah, it works and it happens. It's a proven cure. It really does help. Your body is screaming for it hair of the dog that bit you man your body had a one night stand

with alcohol that it didn't think was a one night stand it wanted a relationship it's looking around the bed next day it's like where'd she go is she in the shower

is she out bringing bagels she's gonna come back with coffee and bagels and when she does your body thanks you for it yeah so hair of the dog

Sean Jordan prolific drinker. I'm going to say that the best after that, obviously. And there's also one that I want to pick that I can't pick. I would be so mad if you picked it. I know you wouldn't. I want to just because of that. Look at me.

I'm going to fucking go nuclear if you pick it. You'd jump out the window. I'm going to fucking go nuclear if you pick it. You'd jump out the window. I'm going to say a little morning sex. Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. That's a good one.

Because you have to rise to the occasion. I feel like you have to just force yourself to not be drunk. You know what I mean? And you're in a completely different state of mind when you're doing that, and you forget completely about if you feel bad or not. You're just like, oh, this is great. Yeah. Yeah?

Yeah. Yeah. It just transports you there., oh, this is great. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. It just transports you there. Everybody's breath is all weird. Yeah. Yeah, but you don't. No, I like that. It doesn't matter, you know?

I like that. I like weird, gross bodies. Sometimes you get stinky. I feel like you got to do what my gal and I call fat people sex. Yeah. Where it's basically like, oh, you just move as little as possible. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like call fat people sex. Yeah. Where it's basically that you just move as little as possible. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

I mean like anyone who's fat. I'm talking about those people like my 600-pound life. Oh, no, please. No, we know. You can't move. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't move. So it's just save your movement.

You're going to sweat anyway. I like that you guys have a term. You're going to sweat anyway, yeah. Do you guys ever, are you ever like fat people sex? Fat people sex. Yeah, totally. Because we're like both exhausted, but we're both like, hey, I want to. All right.

You know, like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to help. It's that thing. You're married, you're like, hey, listen, don't expect much. I don't know. Yeah. Not like gas, the tank.

Yeah. Just enough to get us to the gas station. Yeah, yeah. And we'll fuel up. We'll fuel up. And we'll have. We'll get some Funyuns and we'll the gas station. Yeah, yeah. And we'll fuel up. We'll fuel up. We'll get some Funyuns and we'll hit the road. Yeah.

There are times when I just would, but if it's been like a one night stand or a situation like that, and you're just like, I just want this person to leave. Don't forget to go. Go when you leave. It isn't like a go-to every time. It's a great relationship thing.

But even in a relationship, sometimes you're like, oh, get the fuck off. No. You know, like, uh-uh like every time. It's a great relationship thing. But even in a relationship sometimes you're like, oh, get the fuck off. No. You know, like, uh-uh, uh-uh. Sometimes when you have that headache that's like, someone punched me.

There's no way someone didn't punch me. And it turns out, then you remember you like did a shot of like Malort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that guy punched you.

or something. And it's just like, oh, and your brain is screaming at you. You did the little finger wave for the third round of Fireball. You don't even drink Fireball. Yeah. You know what's a bummer is when you get someone at a comedy festival or a wedding or something, and they have their town's liquor, like Malort or like Fernette.

And they're like, I'm drinking fucking Malort. Fernette's like San Francisco, right? Oh, I guess I never think about it because I lived there. I guess it is like a San Francisco thing. And people are just like, shots of Fernet all night. And you wake up and you're like, never in my wildest dreams did I think I was going to do nine shots of Fernet last night. Fernet is good drunk, though. It tastes like, Ian, you ever had it?

It is a good drunk. It tastes like gasoline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was gasoline and black liquor. Yeah, Fernet I like, actually. But the way you get It is a good drunk. It tastes like gasoline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gasoline and black liquor. Yeah, I like it, actually. But the way you get drunk on Fernet. Fernet is wild. I had a Fernet to end my meal at Canard. It's a digestif.

That's what they're supposed to do. I like a digestif. I like a digestif. It settles you. And you're not supposed to get hammered off that and take shots of it, right? I mean, you could do it with whatever. A lot of my friends in the service industry would beg to differ. Oh, yeah, they do a lot of it.

Yeah, those are the first people I met where it was the service industry shot in some places. Grand Marnier was one in Sioux Falls where we'd do shots of it and just like...

Grand Marnier? Yeah. That is weird. They had it at the bar that we worked at and it is gnarly. Well, the one that... Even in my wild-ass 20s, the one that even in my wild ass 20s,

the service people that did pretty much anyone I knew that did shots of peppermint schnapps where the people were like, hey, you gotta get help, man. Because that's candy. And it's kind of like, and they would do like Rumpelmans.

They do like 15 in a night plus beers. And you're like, dude, no. I hate that shit. It's going down too easy. It's that person like, someone's driving us all home and this person cannot

remember where they live. Yeah. That shit. No, we're not close. You said we were, oh. You're all mad at them. I had a buddy

growing up like that be like, hey man, you got to tell the cab driver your address. I don't know your address. I'm sorry. And he's just like, I don't know. And you're like, get the fuck a hold of yourself.

You have to be kidding me. And I've been to the very edge of the cliff. And I can still tell you my address every single time. I remember the two times I was that drunk. The two times. And I remember being that drunk. Where I was like, oh no, I

can't tell them. And I've apologized to both those people. Man, I'm really good about making it home, usually. No, so am I. The animal instincts kick in, and you're like, well, I've got to get home. I take that picture of my hotel room number sometimes, too. I do now. Kyle showed me that.

That's a good idea. Well, hotels don't count. I'm talking like your actual home. Hotels don't count. Let's not be dickheads here. Come on now. A little morning sex. A little morning sex.

That's good. All right, yeah. Gets me right out of the funk. Oh, yeah. Sets the rest of the day up. Fantastic. Matt Bronger, top of your first pick. I'm going to go real fucking corny here.

Got him. No, hey, you got to. I'm going to draft exercise. Yes. Oh, what? What? The whole of exercise? Read the room.

Wait, we don't get... You can draft all of exercise. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You have a fucking problem drafting all of exercise? No, I do. I can modify. No, wait, wait.

Before you modify. Hold on. This man sitting to my right who I love. David. This man sitting to my right who I love. Makes. This man sitting to my right who I love. Makes the biggest blanket statement. What does he say? We did breakfast foods.

He took breakfast foods and he took- He drafts stuff? Dude. Might as well have. In breakfast foods, he just took pork, right? No, that wasn't breakfast foods. Eggs. He just took eggs.

Eggs. The whole fucking thing. Here's my answer. Listen, I want to stay by the rules because I do have- Exercise is within the rules. I was going to pick it. Look. Listen, I want to stay by the rules because I do have, I do have- Exercise is within the rules. I was going to pick it. Look. What was you going to,

what do you want me to pick? The elliptical machine. Burpees, dude. No, I had my whole, I just, okay, no, listen, we're just going to go. You get up and you do 90 burpees

and you're not hungover. I think, what do you mean? The gym? What do you mean? I was going to, like, look, specifically spin class. Specifically,

if you can go over. Okay. You are not- I'm going to say, no one's going to take that. No one's going to take that. I could have been the 20th round. I'm going to say no one's going to take that I could have been the 20th round I'm going to say the drunk it depends how drunk

if it's like New Year's Day no fucking way I'm going hair of the dog any of that shit but when you just had a regular drunk and you go there it's like you never had a drop because you sweat all of it out and I could go for any hit class or whatever I used to just go to the elliptical I'm actually with you. Because you sweat all of it out. And I could go for any, like a HIIT class or whatever.

You know, like I used to just go to the elliptical, but I realized I wasn't doing anything for myself. I was just sweating out last night. It was like a hangover cure every time, even if I didn't drink. You know, I wasn't doing shit. The days I can bring myself to do it, it really does help. It just changes. Your state of mind. You hate it more than anything else for 15 minutes after that.

You're like, fuck yeah, I'm so glad I came. You also sweat so much. Just rivers. Rivers. Who's the bar over there? And you're like, yeah, I was having fun. I like to do a couple things. I hate that next day sweat where you smell like gin.

But if you get it out, you get it out of the gym. Then they hose off the bike when you're gone. It's great. It's fantastic. Hell yeah. That's a good pick. It's great. It's fantastic. Hell yeah. Yeah, I mean, we used to go, when I was younger and I could do it, we used to go skating when we were hungover, and it would just be the best.

Then I went running for a long time, and now I do nothing. I can't. I'm not a good runner. Running's the worst. But it was a quick one, because like five minutes in, you're like miserable. I have perfect form, so in short bursts bursts but that doesn't do much for you. That's a lineman thing.

That's a lineman thing. Only if I can cover ten yards faster than you can. Quick feet. Ladder drills. You guys want to run ladder drills? Get out. Get out. I can run drills real well. But just like in terms of like long D.

None of that. That's not what I heard baby. You got that None of that. That's not what I heard, baby. Terrible. You got that short D, baby. That's not true at all. Seriously. I get close and work it around. Short dick.

Why don't we do an adult field day? Maneuver is a maneuver. Would that be fun? Well, you're coming right off this long dick comment with an adult field day. What do you got in mind, Sean Jordan? I would just like shot put and stuff, like blowjob stuff. Like, you know. What? No, I'm kidding. Just like an adult field day. This's it? What do you got in mind, Sean Jordan? I would just like shot put and stuff like blowjob stuff like, you know, what? No, I'm kidding. Just like an adult field day. This bit is somebody. Work shopping.

All right, I'm going to spitball this. Ladders. Run a ladder drill. What, you just want to go to football camp? Dude, I can take you to an adult field day. It wasn't a bit. Really? There's one I go to where you run a ladder, you flip a tire. Flip a tire over. Oh, we had to flip tires.

Yeah, it's basically like a lot of lineman shit. It's great. Right downtown. I can't go back to that way a lot. I get it. I didn't like it that much at the time. I just played football because I was good at it. Yeah, I was big and good.

People liked me. Yeah, I was a lineman for almost two weeks. Nice. Definitely worked out. I was a lineman too, oddly enough, for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay.

We were all out there doing the splits. You know what I mean? Some of us got play time. Oh, yeah. All right. I'm worse. I'm worse than that. I was a trapping guard.

I don't want to knock myself in. I accidentally went to a speed class for the summer. We were all out there doing the splits. For like two weeks of the summer. Yeah. What the fuck? We had to do that. It was supposed to be a tackle.

No, but I'm saying like running. Speed, agility, quick What the fuck? We had to do that. It was supposed to be a tackle. No, but I'm saying like running. Speed, agility, quickness, sack. We had to do that. Oh, I had to chase tight ends the whole time. Oh, man. And catch them.

I had to try to chase faster guys than me all the time. Oh, like chase like play like rabbit drills and stuff? Yeah. Yeah, that stuff. It was not the lineman camp.

They never made me do that. I mean, we did the speed and agility and quickness stuff. Yeah, we had that. But like they were just always just take one fucking kid from Beaverton in one hand, and the other kid from Beaverton in one hand, just pick him up and run in there. That was the playbook.

That is how all lineman shit is, especially in the summer. The skinny kids are going to run around. We're going to go bang some shit in the gym. That's it. We're going to go bench and listen to Metallica. Sepultura, like weird metal bands. Oh, gym. That's it. I want to go bench and listen to Metallica. Yeah. Yeah. Sepultura, like weird metal bands.

Oh man, that's tight. Yeah, exercise is a good pick. It really is. Of course. You feel like you get it out and then you could even maybe have a whole day where you're not ruined. You could go eat like

vegetables or whatever the fuck. David, it's time for your first and your second picks as it is a serpentine. So my first pick is, I'm surprised it is still on the table. I thought Ian was going to take it first. Obviously, it's weed. Yeah.

I mean, it's like, that's the- Excellent choice. Now, if I would have picked that, because it is the best choice, but I can't pick that. That's the one I wanted to pick. Because it's not for you, because you don't feel that way. He would have just stopped screaming. I would have, yeah. See, that's why I didn't draft it, because I don't use it that way.

But it's the best fucking awesome. It's not for my team. Yeah, that's fair. It's not for the team of me. That's a good way to think. That's a good way to think. That's a good way to think. The team of me.

The last ones on the show, it's like, you know, best albums of the 90s. I picked my favorites. I caught so much hell. I loved it. I loved it. You didn't pick any Wu-Tang. Suck my cock. I don't care.

I don't care. Who even listened to that Above the Law album? Me. Me. Me. My team. I might be the fucking Bengals. I don't care.

Are they good now? Me and us, bro. Me, bro. Me, dog. Me, Me. My team. I might be the fucking Bengals. I don't care. Are they good now? Me and us, bro. Me, bro. Me, dog. Me, bro. What about them? Nah, dude. Me, bro.

Me, dude. Chavs, bro. Dude, sometimes you got to have fucking me shit. I think that makes this show more fun, you know, for me. Exactly. We don't want to hear, to hear this sort of strategy thing. Well, if you look at the statistics, the thing that's the best for you. The money ball of AFV.

The money ball. If somebody comes on and tries the money ball AFV, we're going to drown them for their family. I mean, I've smoked enough in my life to where I think I get what it would be, but it just calms you down? It's the only thing that takes, I mean, listen. Hair of the dog, though. Yeah, I mean, hair of the dog is up, but like for me, it's just, it just chills my mind. I always look at smoking weed as like putting me on everyone else's wavelength. That's why I smoke weed.

Yeah, if that makes sense. Well, it does. Yeah, because when I'm not smoking weed or stone, I don't really know what anybody's fucking doing. What are you talking about? You know what I mean? People are just saying shit. But yeah, it just focuses me. It gets me out of like, it just gets me over that initial like,

like when you wake up and you're all dry. I don't know. That's a new baseline. It's a new coat of paint. Yeah, yeah. Because there's that feeling that like you wake up and you're like, God, is this ever going to go away? It feels like smoking a little weed would be like, oh, it went away.

Fat. There it goes. I mean, what we're talking about with trying to get rid of hangover is taking away the pain, weed, and smoothing out your anxiety. Yep. Yeah, the panic. You know? So, I mean, it depends on the weed you smoke.

Or giving you so much anxiety. Seriously, I want to try it one of these days, but I wonder, well, if it does what it normally does, then I'm just going to have to bash my head in with a bowling ball or something. I like it. I smoke weed, and I'll watch some shit, and I'll be like, oh, Frazier is funny. You smoke weed?

Like on a regular basis? I dabble. But seriously, weed makes me understand a lot of shit that I don't usually understand. Yeah, I mean, that felt like that got deeper than I wanted it to. No, just take a second to think. Yeah, absolutely. That's great. My problem with marijuana is it gets my thought process off on too many tangents.

It was like one of those things where I read Lenny Bruce, who he did heroin to kind of numb himself, which you want to dabble in but not use all the time. Not heroin, but something. There's a feeling of numbing yourself. Don't fucking touch heroin. No, don't ever dabble with that shit But like Sorry I can't sound like I said

Good night But he was like I can't smoke weed More ideas or whatever I don't even think he meant it Like oh I'm a genius That's what a brain Some people are just fucking like

Sometimes I smoke weed. I cannot go to sleep. Yeah. So goddamn long. Oh, man. I'm already asleep from the weed I'm going to smoke after. Me too. I don't give a fuck.

I got a full nine hours just from the weed. Yeah, it just like it takes it from up here to like down in here. It does look fun to just like have it. I want that so bad. When I see it happen, I'm like, man, they look so calm. I mean, I'd probably just have ADD like everybody else, but I'm not gonna. I don't like pills.

I know a lot of people that are really good at smoking. I'm not really good at smoking. I know people who are worse at me than when you smoke. It's just another one of those things. Anyways, weed is my first pick. That's a good pick. I had a feeling. I get to go again, and this is

swimming in really cold water. What a good new one. That's good. My apartment, my first apartment I got. I did too. I thought it would make it beyond the first couple rounds.

I thought I was going to get that. I was going to pick it up in the fifth. I'll suave. Damn it. Oh, yeah. That's one of the only other ones where I'm like, that shit always gets cold water. A shock to the senses. Or like.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Trying to catch it. Camping and like by a lake or some shit. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Where once it hits your dick and balls. Yeah.

And your butthole. Exactly. Every muscle in your body tenses. The trio. You immediately get into better shape if you flex so hard and you scream or you curse out loud. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. I just need a cold, cold dick after that hot ride. Some nice cold dick. Yeah. All of a sudden you're using 100% of your brain eyeballing squirrels when they're running around. Limitless pelts. Planning out their routes. You'd be like, I could kill that squirrel.

For a trout swim in a zigzag pattern. That's why if I just get to this point, I can cut it off in the past. For the 10 minutes after a cold swim, I'm like fucking John Travolta in Phenomenon. Oh, absolutely. Just spinning sunglasses and shit. You got gills behind your ears? Dude, I swim now. I learned Portuguese. You are more like behind your ears? I swim there. I learned Portuguese.

You are more fucking tuned in after a cold swim. You see dangerous situations 10 seconds ahead like the equalizer. Yeah. Exactly. Bro, also, my buddy got into this in San Francisco. He doesn't do warm showers at all. There's this whole thing about being warm is maybe not that great for you. Really?

Oh, interesting. As opposed to being like. I know that that's like, it actually is a thing that kind of keeps you younger if you can stand a cold shower a day. It's supposed to be very healthful. No. It's like not even hard

because I do it sometimes when I'm just real stoned and it's hot out. It's not that hard to take a cold shower. If it's hot, I love a cold shower. It's not hard to take a cold shower. But otherwise, I hate it so much. I can do it when it's cold too. Me too. It wakes you up.. If it's hot, I love a cold shower. It's not hard to take a cold shower. But otherwise, I hate it so much. I can do it when it's cold, too. Me, too. It wakes you up.

I don't mind at all. Like a hot dude walking home from work, I take cold showers almost every day when I get home from work. It's fantastic. Nice. Good story, dude. Right? It was cool. We all had real short ones that basically said the same thing.

I was like, hold on no longer though me hold on to me it was like a rabbi walking down with the Torah and you set it down and really unfolded it

and I was like oh shit it's going deep you keep bringing this stuff up are you Jewish oh it's 100% okay Marvin's putting everything Marvin's putting everything

Marvin's putting everything my good man I think you'll find yeah okay weed swimming was my second pick fuck yeah dude yeah Michael Phelps so far with the first two picks I think you'll find. Weed swimming was my second pick. Fuck yeah, dude. Michael Phelps so far with the first two picks.

Sounds like you're just mapping out a dope day over there. Swimming in really cold water. I mean, nobody else is going to take swimming in hot water, I don't think. But swimming just in general. But I hate the jacuzzi when I'm hungover. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it.

People do, but I just don't. I don't even fuck with it. I don't I'm hungover. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't like it. People do, but I just don't even fuck with it. I don't mind being hungover. In fact, if I could combine swimming with my little hair of the dog, like you're at the Ace Hotel the next day, you have like two pina coladas and you jump in. That's out with the old, in with the new. Yeah. That music is playing.

And I like, in my head, my back muscles look amazing as I crest out of the water. Yeah, just rippling. Glistening like a swan. Just come out like Phoebe Cates in Fast and Furious. Right, exactly. Oh, yeah.

My hair is shaking. Moving the top. When in reality, I look like a middle school offensive lineman with my hair slicked in. No, somebody could take that one. Yeah, yeah.

I don't like it. Jacuzzis in general, I'm a sweaty guy. I don't like it. Jacuzzis in general. I'm a sweaty guy. I don't need to up that. You know what I mean? I just feel like I'm stewing in my own juices all the time. You'll open your heart to it one day. Maybe.

Matt, it's time for your second pick. It is? Oh, yeah. It's up in team. All right. And let's see. I'm going to go. Sorry.

Shit. Now it gets hard. Now it gets hard. Now it gets hard. It gets hard for me. Third pick is around where you got to start being like, I don't know. Mineral water. Wait, what? Mineral water.

Mineral water. Mineral water. What brand specifically? I will say this. Mineral water, drinking or swimming in. Oh, really? Yes. Topo Chico is the most kind of commonly found brand.

And it's carbonated, but holy shit, it makes you feel better. You do have a Topo Chico at your crib every time I come over. You drink a couple of those the day after. That was like the new, we had that New Year's Day on Vice from somebody. And a friend of ours called us and was like how you guys doing you went hard last night when i'm like actually i i'm not i don't want to kill myself yeah and wait did you also say that you swim in topo chico no no i'm not baller like that i was like whoa i've ever wanted to go if you go to like a hot springs hot springs and the thing

about it is uh there there's one in um Palm Desert, which is right near Palm Springs. Oh, yeah. It's like a resort. And we went to it. But it's not expensive. It's not expensive. And we were there. Natasha and Mosher were there, too.

Oh, nice. This was maybe like three years ago before they had the kid. And we were in this hot springs. And you can't be loud in it. They come out with a sign that says quiet. They hold it up. It's a golf tournament. But you go back to the bar.

You go to the hotel. You can party whenever you want. And we were like, you know what? Let's not drink tonight. And of course, that means you're going to get fucked up. I've heard Shane say that almost every day. Yeah. And so not that we're like, we only really drink on the weekends, really.

But we're on vacation on the weekends, and we were like, what the fuck are we talking about? So we went to dinner, had some wine and some drinks. And we went to the hotel room and we're just playing music and like just drinking a bunch of vodka and stuff. The next day I was like, whoa, I felt rough. Let's get back in the mineral basket, in the hot springs. And it's coming out of, it's like a bubbling brook coming out of a solid piece of rock. Minerals come out of the ground where the lava is. Where all the lava is. So it's

coming out, and like, we're swimming around. You know, the fucking lava's down there. That's where the lava is. So we're swimming around, and I'm like, this is making me sweat. I can feel my hangover sweating out. I got as close as, you can't, if you put your hand where the spout's coming out, it'll burn your hand.

It's that hot. I got as close as I fucking could and turned my back to it, and I felt rivulets coming out of my body of just what felt like toxins. And then just like, there was a while, and then just swam a little, and then went and took a shower, and I felt fine. Dog, a new man. New coat of skin, a new man. It was the new craziest. New nervous system put in.

I mean, if that was accessible to anyone at any time, that would have been my number one. No question. No question. It was crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy.

And that's why people, it's been like a health thing forever. Sure, yeah, that's true. Like Al Capone used to go to that resort supposedly because they just occur naturally, these hot springs. They're all over the world. His short little rum-running dick floating around. You probably

went to Kaneda growing up. My older siblings are big hot spring advocates. That shit is good. I went to Evans Plunge in Rapid City. I was playing more video games. One of the first times I ever my eyes saw a naked breast.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Mine was at the Tattoo the Earth tour that K-Rock was putting on. Head knot by slip knot. And seven dust. And seven dust. Stone temple bylaws. Oh, shit.

Yeah, was it a naked hot spring? No Oh good There were moments I kind of wished It wasn't so Like new agey Because

Yeah There was Look I'm not going to tell any men How to act No But there was a man Being held in the water

By a woman Sure Like a baby Okay Arms under Arm under her knees Arm arm under his shoulders, his head thrown back, eyes closed, and her softly cooing to him

and just swirling him left and right, left and right. And I remember, but I got a good laugh from Kara looking over and just went, ugh, I'm a baby. And Kara wouldn't stop laughing. Because it was that thing where you kind of, all right, look, if you're baked enough or something, that might feel exceptional. No, I get baked enough. It's one of those things where I'm like, man, you're in public.

Come on. That's what I'm saying, dude. There's nothing wrong with that. Get down however you need to get down. But it's a little jarring. You're like, oh, that's the weekend it is. Okay. Okay. You get to be a baby for the weekend. I'll go buy a necklace it's a little jarring. You're like, oh, that's the weekend it is. Oh, okay. Okay.

You get to be a baby for the weekend. I'll go buy a necklace that's just a triangle, I guess. I'll tell everybody to call me Serenity. Mineral water, dude. I love that. I love the drinking or swimming in it. I got to get in on this mineral water thing. Yeah.

I'm telling you, Tobuchicos are everywhere now. They bottle them in Texas. No, they sell them at Food for Less. Yeah, just buy one out of the cold case when you now. They bottle them in Texas. No, they sell them at Food for Less. Yeah, just buy one out of the cold case when you're hungover and just drink as fast as you can. I'm a charpentier. I left one at my house yesterday. I got one in the fridge.

Nice. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. I want to drink one right now. Real fine gentleman. He is. Chantel Jordan? For my second pick.

Second, right? That's what we're doing? Yep. I'm going to pick an ice cold coca-cola fountain like a fountain coke yeah with a shitload of ice like absolutely mostly ice good like where it hurts your brain almost when you drink it yeah it's just like i i it always has been the thing because i sometimes i don't necessarily feel like having a beer or a shot and that just the burn of the coca-cola in your throat. I just keep saying Coca-Cola

because I don't want people to think I'm talking about doing blow. Coca-Cola. A bad hangover cure. You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't dare. You're a sweet boy. He's my sweet boy, and he wouldn't do that. Where's the blow? I'm hungover.

Yeah, it just, it will still, it'll make it go away for me so quick. And I don't know what it is. It's so refreshing. I like that I can feel your heart and I feel that this pic is very true. It's very important to me. I fucking hate drinking anything other than water after I got hammered. That's how I am.

I can only, because I only drink alcohol. I pretty much only drink alcohol like to like, it's alcohol and water is what I don't really drink a ton of other shit. You know what I mean? It's weird to hear out loud, but I know what you mean. Yeah. I don't, I just don't really like. I did more of that.

Like when I was in my early twenties and you can just, you can kind of put anything in your body. But I remember I had a girlfriend who would literally say that. It'd be like, I want a fountain Coke. Yeah. We'd go get, and they were just great. Yep. I'll get them from like, and I don't want to step on any of their picks, but sometimes maybe they're with another pick, you know? Oh, yeah, definitely.

Without getting too deep. Sure. But the ice cold Fountain Coca-Cola. Yes. For you. Yes. It is good. It's the only time I ever even think about drinking soda.

Me too. I don't, like, on a, sometimes on a whatever, I'll get a Mountain Dew where I'm like, oh, I got to wake up a little bit, and I have a couple drinks, and I'm like, absolutely not. But, yeah, when I'm hungover, just a big old fat fucking iced Coca-Cola fountain soda. Beautiful. Will really get me there. Yeah. It'll get me there quick in a nice car.

You know why? Because it's a cold drink. It's a cold drink that burns your throat, and it'll get you there. There it is. You know? Yeah. That's get me there. Yeah. It'll get me there quick in a nice car. You know why? Because it's a cold drink. It's a cold drink that burns your throat and it'll get you there. There it is. Yeah. Ice cold Coca-Cola. Ice cold Coca-Cola. It's time for my second and third picks.

That is a serpentine draft. It is a serpentine draft. I can't believe it's made this far. What is it? I'm going to take, I? I'm going to take... I guess I'm going to go hyper-specific. What I really want to... I don't think I know what you're talking about.

I'm going to take... I just want like a big fuck-off breakfast. Oh, yeah. Like a big fuck-off breakfast. I think that's specific enough. I couldn't figure out a way to say it. Crazy shit. Just a big, that's, I think that's specific enough. Biscuits, gravy. I couldn't figure out a way to say it.

Crazy shit. But yeah, just a big old fuck off. Like all, you're like, you're going to eat all of that? I'm like, I'm going to eat all of that,

dude. And I might eat some of yours if you don't hurry up. like a chicken fried fuck off steak. Yep. Yep. Like a fucking, yeah,

like some fucking biscuits and fucking gravy. Hearty American breakfast. Yeah. Like it looks like, it looks like they fucking, like a, like a fucking biscuits and fucking gravy. Like hearty American breakfast. Yeah. It looks like they fucking, like a tennis racket-sized portion of hash browns. I want it to be named after a real man's job, like a lumberjack. Yeah. Yes.

Exactly. Or like a jackhammer operator. Yeah. Or like a tunnel hog's delight. Fucking spelunker. Yeah. Or fucking the coal miner's last meal. Uh-huh. Some shitunker. Yeah. Fucking coal. The coal miner's last meal. Uh-huh.

Some shit like that. Yeah. That is what it's got to be. Like an underwater welder's lunch. But do you ever get steak and eggs? No. Yeah, see? Neither do I.

No. That is never a commitment I make. You know? I don't. I don't ever do. It's like... I like that kind of breakfast where I can take some steak.

Some of it's not for the morning. No. It feels weird. A pounded chicken fried steak smothered in gravy. That's for the morning. Yes, it is. But I never get a steak and eggs.

I can't do the just steak. Like a T-bone and eggs? I can't. No, why? That's dinner. I don't want a steak before. And lose the eggs. It turns me into Deborah Cox.

I'm like, how did you get here? Nobody's supposed to be here. When I see a steak, it's like, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be here later. Yeah, you're here later. I'm the morning shift. You're at least seven hours early.

Yeah, I can't do the steak and eggs. But I will say, I will use an entire bottle of ketchup. On whatever. On the fucking scrambled egg. Hot sauce. say, I will use an entire bottle of ketchup on whatever. On the fucking scrambled eggs. Hot sauce. Man, the hot sauce. What I love, okay, I don't want to step on any of the pics, but like there's a beverage I love to drink.

I just commonly had at breakfast. Commonly had every morning. And there's nothing better to me than like having some hot sauce so you've got a spicy mouth and then you take a drink with that. I fucking love that. I feel you. I'm eating like the clock stopper breakfast.

Yeah. Like my blood's like red minutes on Google Maps. Like the fucking, yeah. The fucking field general's feast. Yeah. The fucking. The dust bowl farmer's forgiveness. You know, that's what it says on the menu.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. Yeah. What's like, oh, fuck. What is that? Calamity Janes. Did you ever go there? Yeah, Calam You know, that's what it says on the menu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. Yeah. What's like, fuck, what is that goddamn, Calamity Jane's? Yeah, Calamity Jane's. They make bigger and bigger cheeseburgers based on, and it's all pioneer shit, and you cut them like a pizza, so it's like slices of cheeseburger. Oh my God.

And the biggest one is the Trail Boss. Yeah. Like a breakfast called a Trail Boss. I want a Trail Boss. I want a trail boss. A trail boss will kill your hangover dead. Like a steer with a broken leg. It will come and put a fat bullet in your hangover.

Nothing to be done about this one. I'm not advocating dressing down in restaurants, but you eat the trail boss in like a wife beater and nothing else. Oh, you got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No shirt on. Covered in the grease stains from the night before.

You didn't know there are. What do you mean napkin? I'm wearing a napkin, motherfucker. I am a napkin. Keep going. That breakfast where afterwards you're just like, that was worse for me than the alcohol the night before. I mean, that's really what happened. That was a less healthy thought.

That was a less healthy than 19 beers. Your body's like. I don't know what to do. That was the crazy thought. That was less healthy than 90 beers. Your body's like... I don't know what to do. That was the solution? You fucking maniac? Thank God you weren't all night pounding shots of that gravy. You fought fire with a nuclear bomb. You asshole.

Your body's inside just like, this guy's fucking crazy. Let's just give him what he wants. Let's let him feel all right. Yeah. This guy's nuts. Yeah, man. A big fuck off breakfast. That's a good one.

That's the best way to put it too. I was trying to think of a way to put it and I could not do it. My next one I think is going to be watching three full movies

on cable. Fuck, man. Yeah. Good one. Yeah. Oh, that's so good. That was my next pick. I really thought

it was going to Three full ass Three full movies. I like it when you hit the beginning too and you're like, oh shit, it is Saving Private Ryan. Oh no. Yeah. And you're just like, I think I can go on this whole. Because you're committing to the whole journey.

I'll say this about Ian. He does not fuck around with choosing. And neither does Zach. They don't waffle. Like Ian will just see something. He's like, heat, heat. And then he'll just, heat's playing. And then we're just going to watch heat.

Heat, heat, heat. And it's the best. Yep. And then after that, fucking Die Hard. Die Hard. These are good picks. What I'll do now is I'll go on Amazon and just order. I'm not going to subject myself to the whims of what Netflix has decided to offer me that month.

We're going to go take what we want. What can we rent that's new? You did it twice lately. I do that now, too. You did Training Day. You're just like, is Training Day on anything? And I start looking and you're like, alright, it's on. And then The Big Lebowski

was another one. I want to watch it right now. It's just perfect. It feels like you're doing something even if you're not doing anything. You are that. You're studying the craft. You are. You're studying the craft of art. Film. It's my favorite thing to do. Absolute favorite thing to do. Absolute favorite thing to do.

Act like it's not daytime. Act like it's not 90 degrees in LA. It's fucking great. It's a great way to watch some of your favorite movies. It's like how movies get rewatched and shit. Oh, yeah. For sure. Because there's a lot of movies.

Because I watch movies a lot, but I don't take the time to. A lot of times, there's a movie on, but I'm like smoking weed or writing or like cleaning my room. It's like there's shit on all the time, but I'm not paying attention. Yep. But like those hangover Sundays, I'm watching that shit. I put my phone down sometimes. I'll fuck around and watch like Brooklyn or something.

Right. Yeah. Right. You're not watching Call Me By Your Name for the first time. No. I got the screener. It's a beautiful film. Oh, but we watched New Jack City the other day.

That was another one of those. Oh, yes. I got my Jimmy Wax five times this week. We have to have at a separate time. Yes. A full conversation about New Jack City. I will come back and draft shit from that movie. That was out when I was in high school.

We might just have the AFE family in conversation about New Jack City. I have so much to say. There's so much going on. I love it. It is. And I hadn't seen it in a good 15 years before we watched it. My brother's keeper. I'm so afraid of Wesley Snipes, bro.

Dude. It's horrifying. Because he also does karate. Yeah. And I'm so afraid of Wesley Snipes. He's bucking that movie. Athlete. For how whack he looks, he's so bucking that movie.

Whack he looks. Well, I didn't know we were going to fight today. So that's cool. It's whatever, man. See, this is why I said a separate time because I'm just

continuing the conversation. Two-hour conversation. Two-hour conversation. Do you know what whack means? Don't let the Dutter Man let you hear it. Don't let him hear you say that. I love Dutter Man.

Yeah, he's great. Tuesday night, gentlemen. Tuesday night, gentlemen. Tuesday night. This is a Saturday afternoon conversation. It is. It is. I'll put the brakes on it. All right, he's great. Tuesday night, gentlemen. Tuesday night, gentlemen. Tuesday night. This is a Saturday afternoon conversation. It is. It is.

It is. I'll put the brakes on it. All right, everybody chill out. We're all friends here. Everybody put your shirts on. I just don't understand how a man named G-Money. All right. Everybody put your shirts back on.

All right. Everyone put your shirts back on, please. Can we pause? Yeah. In fact, three full movies on cable. Enough discussion. And we will find out what the rest of the picks in the third round after the short commercial break.

This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages, and we all only know one.

Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's a science-backed language learning app, and it's going to get you talking fast. It's science-backed. What else do you want? Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way to learn a new language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks, ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to, you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools.

They have tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said. It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it. Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like myself. Don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out. Boom. You're done. And don't just try word-for-word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater,

and beyond. They proved that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by schedule 35. Now microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it.

And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. It might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's

going to get in your business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're

going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. So I have life insurance. It had nothing to do with me. It's my wife did everything, but it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. everything. But it's tough. It's a hassle to go through and get. You have to research it,

which I don't like researching anything. If I buy something, I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in, they find and compare all the best quotes for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price. And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting

bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you. And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about, but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on. Probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy. Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you

unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google, Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there.

Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. Now, now we're back from the break. It's time for more drafting.

More drafting. Secret silence and speak. Those are my favorite Armenians. Yeah. Oh. They're pretty great. Mine are all of my neighbors. And then system of a down.

Yep. Actually, it probably goes Eric DeDorian. Eric DeDorian. Oh, yeah. James Adomian. James Adomian. Jackie Kayser. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And anyone working at Zanku. And the entire crew. Just the brand Zanku chicken. Mark Barron moved to Glendale, dude. He did. He's a fucking type. Yeah, he did. I saw it at the Quail Foods. Quail Foods. Quail Foods. His to Glendale, dude. He did. Fucking tight. He did. He did.

He saw the Quail Foods. Quail Foods. Quail Foods. His address is, no, I don't know. Cat Ranch. That same guy with the fucking Bikers for Trump shirt somehow. Dog. That was so crazy.

And I'm like, where do you live? At this Whole Foods in Glendale. And you just got a Bikers for Trump shirt on. Okay. It was astonishing to me. And I was like, oh yeah, Ian, we live, okay, I get it. Sure. It was Ian.

I'm kidding. I yelled at that dude hard. Yeah, it was tight. I was telling Adam, oh, are we? No, go ahead. Are we back? Yeah, we're back. Oh, snap.

Well, that's how the whole song was. Oh, yeah. Oh, is that coming back? No, I was telling Adam about that. We just walked by this dude. We walked by and Ian's like, fuck you, dude. I just kind of looked over and like, I mean, I'm always ready for that to happen.

Sure. And honestly, no better dude to say it than Ian. Because I'm like, yeah, what are you going to do? I mean, I'll get in there and I'll do whatever needs to get done. It's a little guy thing to say. To just fuck you. Just be like, hey, fuck you, man. That's not like a little guy move at all.

For your bikers for Trump shirt at the Whole Foods. Crazy, dude. Just be like, hey, fuck you, man. That's not like a little guy move at all. Or you're bikers for Trump shirt at the Whole Foods. Crazy, dude. No. You go eat fucking loose meat out of an envelope, you motherfucker. Yeah, like the rest of it. You don't get swordfish. From wherever in the Ozarks. Sean, I'm going to start for you with third pick.

You don't get swordfish. Well, I'm going to go ahead and say a nap. Ah, a nap. A nap. Yeah. I mean, it kind of depends on where it happens. A lot of times it'll happen in one of those movie situations. Sure.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where you're just kind of... I used to think it was... Don't sort of try to... Oh, no. You know when... Yes, Sam, my pick.

Like our mutual pick. Kind of feels like you're hooking your U-Haul trailer up to my fucking beautiful Ford F-950. It's a big truck. It's a 950. We're moving across the country. Have you ever heard of a dually? It's a triply. It's the most popular vehicle in the United States.

It is. Which I would also say is the equivalent of watching three movies on your ass. It is. It's a popular American car. I read that Motor Trend, actually. It was the best hangover cue. J.D. Power & Associates. Yeah. J.D. Power and Associates. Yeah, J.D. Power and Associates.

It's a F-150. Driving over your head. I'll tell you what you do. You get your swinging dick and your hairy balls out there, and you buy an F-150. That's the best hangover cue. Are you talking about actual buying truck nuts? God damn right. Oh, truck nuts.

Truck nuts. I love some good truck nuts. I haven't seen those for a minute. Really? I see them every now and again. Naps, dude. You love a nap. Nap.

Just a nap. And you got to let yourself do it. I used to not let myself do it. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, you're a coward if you take a nap. A recharge. Yes. I prefer a non-hungover nap.

I don't know. I almost don't even call it a nap. I'm just like, I didn't really commit to waking up. That's the shit. I'm like, I really fucking pussyfooted my way into waking up. That's the shit. I'm like, I really fucking pussyfooted my way into waking up. On Friday, we just were like both just hung out. We hung out with the parents, my friends, married friends, and their little twin toddlers all into the afternoon, got back to the house.

She's like, can we just take a nap? Like, fuck, yeah. And we took a nap. It just recharged. That blue light coming in. It was so great. And we're just, like, hungover from Friday. Beautiful.

It felt so much better. Reset the day. Yep. Let me ask you this. If you wake up, go get your car, drive back, and go right back to sleep, are you then going back to bed, or are you taking a nap? I see. We're in a...

I'd say a nap. What do the other rabbis say? I think it depends on the time of day. What time did you wake up to go get your car? You gotta get that car out of there by nine. So you woke up... Then that I would argue is probably going back to bed. That's just going back to bed.

What time, what's the earliest you can take a nap? Let's say one. Yep. I like that answer. I would go with that. I would go with that. Right? Say one o'clock. That's the answer.

I don't know. If I'm really hungover, though, I'm waking up at 11 probably. Well, I can't anymore. Still. You're up for two hours. I'm up for 45. You had your lumberjack, your trail boss?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right back to bed. To process the nutrients. Yeah, dude. Your rear admiral? Your merchant marine? Your merchant marine? Your merchant marine? That's a rear admiral with clams in it.

Yeah. Gross. I don't want clams. I'm hungover. I want the clams. God, I'm hungover. You guys want to get some clams? Oh, let's go.

I got into this weird stage for a while where I was eating mostly clam sandwiches. Wow. Just like clams out of the can? Yeah, like out of the tin. Oh, I like clams out of the tin. People I'm sure listening are losing their minds. I love a smoked oyster.

In my cheap days where I just buy dry pasta, olive oil, cook some garlic, dump a whole tin of clams in there. Dude, I was making these sandwiches from across the street, hoagie bread, clams in there, and I would just house one of those a day when I was living in San Francisco. That sounds kind of good. Yeah, dude, it was like six bucks a day or something like that. Maybe lower than that. That's great. Shout out like six bucks a day or something like that. Maybe lower than that. That's great. Shout out to food stamps. Shout out to food stamps.

Nice. Shout out to food stamps and the women who traded me cash for them. That's living. Y'all, it's something. It's something. It got me by. Naps is a good pick. I know.

That is a good pick. Just a nap. I wrote down 15, 16 things, and you guys have different ones. I think we all have different ones. I love this. I was really worried that it was going to be we're going to step on each other's toes, but that's good. Until you pick your third pick, though, and I freak out.

Right. It might happen. I don't know. It's always- More weed. More weed. Perfect. Shit. It might happen. Yeah. I don't know. It's always more weed. More weed. Perfect. Shit.

Weed and a nap. What you thought was the proper amount of weed. Smoke more of it. That's my third pick. What I do is weed, a nap,

and three movies in a row. That's god damn it. I feel like I'm fucking three picks we already heard. I'm picking my one big pick and it's like all the other picks.

All your picks. No, that's cool though. It's different. The Voltron robots form Voltron but they're not. But Voltron is his own robot. Killian and Nappy.

All right. Nap. Matt Bronger, does it sound for you a third pick? I will go with from my draft a banana.

Okay. Oh, that is... Get it. Or bananas. For everybody listening, Matt put his hand up like he was Caesar. A banana. A banana.

I draft. Give us Barabbas, the banana. I will say, anytime you, like with that, the initial, the wake up, holy shit, what did I do? I feel like death. Eat a banana. Eat a banana. Eat a banana before you go get a trail boss.

Talk. Because the potassium hits your bloodstream immediately, Like death, eat a banana. Eat a banana. Eat a banana before you go get a trail boss. Because the potassium hits your bloodstream immediately, and you just mellow. The anxiety level gets diminished by 50%. Really? I'm not kidding. And you just feel more alive. It's like when you wake up and your mouth just tastes like the inside of a cartoon hobo's wallet.

Yeah. Empty and dry. And kind of like metallic. And you fill up like a plastic pitcher of water from the sink or whatever and just chug the whole thing. It's like that same feeling because you just feel replant. You feel like, oh, guess what my body was missing. I don't know what it is.

There's no other fruit that does that for me. There's no other fruit. It that for me. Here's no other fruit. It's true. I have an anecdote. Recently, I partied real hard in Denver, as I've been known to. I will buy that. Shout out to my man, Chris Baker. These two dudes bailed on me, but I went and had an eye on this.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. No, no. Only one dude bailed on me. The malice. The malice. I had to do Emmy award winning work. I had to fucking work.

Yeah. I went shredding. Wait, what time did you go do work? I'm gonna shred I'm the head writer of a major network television program I'm aware The clock was ticking It's always ticking

Yeah, but I'm just curious When did you break off to go work? Oh, I just never We were supposed to meet up at like one or something like that You were supposed to meet up at one in the morning? No, no, no So what happened was Okay, because I'm like thinking you left at 1 in the morning to go right.

Like, how? I don't understand. It's the time. No, but the point is, I went and did an IV bag. Oh, the vitamin bag. And the guy who set it up, shout out to Chris Baker, the guy who set it up called them banana bags. That's what they call them.

Right. It's like a bunch of potassium. We never dove into that. Did it really? Did you feel it? I'm not going to tell you because you didn't come like a coward. I was shredding. I had one time to escape. Yeah, I felt way better.

By the way, I was not shredding. I was at a skateboard with my skateboard. You were abandoning a friend, not shredding. If we have to do one IMG. I was working. Shredding. Oh, I was working. Shredding. Oh, I was abandoning. Bailing.

I've been known to bail. I was bailing. But yeah, that's, but anyways. Yeah. That's a great pick. It's, yeah. It's because of the potassium. I'm telling you.

And what a simple pick to eat. It's the great right after bed thing. I always, if like I'm in a hotel, I'm like, I went, when I come in, like when I check in, oh, free bananas. I'll take two of those. I love to just eat right in the morning anyway. I'm not hungover. It just makes you feel good.

They're delicious, too. I love bananas. Some people don't. I love everything about it. I hate them so much. And you're the one who needs them more than anybody. It'll calm you right down, buddy. We'll show you some potassium vitamins.

Does it calm you down? Yeah. It calms you down? Potassium's one. It smooths you out. It smooths out the rough spots. Irons you right down, buddy. We should eat you some potassium vitamins. Does it calm you down? Yeah. It calms you down? Potassium's out. It smooths out the rough spots. Irons you right out. I was nervous all day today

for no reason. I was too. I was nervous. Well, you were probably stressed and shit. Also, I had an assassin on my tail, which that's another story.

That'll make anyone feel shitty. The stakes in my job are non-existent. Like, whatever, however shitty work is. But the snakes are. Everywhere, dude. Hot lava. The whole floor, however shitty work is. But the snakes are. Everywhere, dude.

Hot lava. The whole floor, hot lava. Big snakes. 16th floor. Yeah, I was just stressed for no reason. I just had one of the best weekends of my life. Everything's great. And, like, I was just stressed all day.

Bananas, bro. If you don't like bananas, throw a banana, a handful of blueberries, almond milk in a blender. Frozen banana, if you can. Keep the banana frozen in your freezer. Just burp, burp, burp, burp. Drink that. Holy shit. Frozen banana if you can. Keep the banana frozen in your freezer. Just drink that. Holy shit. That's a perfect breakfast.

Just made of antioxidants. You know what I do? I get up and get like a tortilla and put a bunch of sriracha on it and I eat that for breakfast. Alright, so we're just getting on the pecs now? Oh no, no. I'm joking, I'm joking. Nobody was going to take a fucking tortilla with sriracha in it. That'll wake you up and your butthole.

How ridiculous that breakfast is. Oh, my God. David, it's time for your third and fourth picks. Okay. Go. So, my third pick is, this is weird. I like having a minimal errand. Oh, really? That's not. Yeah, like the next, like I like having a minimal errand. Oh, really?

That's not... Like I got drunk the night before. I wake up, I feel like shit. And it's like, it's never something crazy. It's not like build a deck. But it's like... Build a deck? I don't know what that is.

Fuck! I forgot I had to build that deck. That's today? I know I'm going to feel fantastic after I build this deck. But it's always like it's always some shit like that where it's not like that, but it's always

like I just got to do one thing that I really got to do this morning. I got to get to a post office. I got to go to Target and grab the blah blah blah or whatever and I do it and I'm just like focusing on that one task as soon as I get back home, because then I'll get back home I'll watch the movie, I'll do whatever

but because I did the one thing, yeah I feel so good, so like yeah one errand, even getting take out for you and someone else gotta be someone else too, you still did something yeah, hey Solomon, you want some food something, yeah no yeah, but one little task the next day always makes me feel good.

That's great. Yeah. Yeah. I agree completely. And it's that reason that you don't, because I think if you sleep too late, you just feel like, well, I'm splitting the atom, but if you sleep too late, you're going to feel worse. You should make yourself get up and just start metabolizing and things. So when you have a reason to get up, you feel accomplished.

You're thinking about something other than how shitty you feel, you go do something, and then you, you know, then you're feeling good. A little Aaron. Excellent. And your fourth pick? Oh, my fourth pick is Menudo. Really? I fucking love Menudo

when I'm hungover. Holy shit, with the tree buds in there and then like lime, like a bunch of lime. Lime is key. Like it's spicy as great. Holy shit. With the tripas in there and then like lime, like a bunch of lime. Lime is key. Like it's spicy as fuck. That shit always makes me feel better when I'm hungover. Can we all tell that I don't know what you're talking about? It's a Mexican.

It's a hot Mexican soup. Soup. Basically like a stew. But it's got tripe in it. Yeah. See, I can't fuck with tripe. I didn't know what it was. It's one of the few things I can't fuck with.

Really? What is it? It's not even knowing what it is. It's one of the few things I can't fuck with. Really? It's not even knowing what it is. It's the texture. What is it? It's like the stomach lining. Stomach lining. It's like cheap. So I suppose it has the texture as such.

Yeah, it's kind of rubbery. It's real hard to get through. Yeah, I don't know, man. You'll find it in pho a lot. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, menudo. It's like, oh, man.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, that was good. But yeah, and especially when it's real spicy and like just, yeah, get that lime. It's just like there's something about it that's just like really brings me back. Gets your body processing. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like something second time.

It does. It does. It's like when you pass out. When you have a sleepover in high school where like five people would pass out on somebody's parent's floor. It's that mom coming down at 7 a.m., turning the lights on. Like, all right. Everybody's like, get up. You guys are young.

Get the fuck up. Get up. All right. Everybody go. It's true because it settles your stomach. It's hot. It's comforting. And the spices make you sweat.

Yeah, you sweat when you eat menudo. You really sweat when you eat good menudo. I love that shit, though. Oh, man. And it's weird because I don't have it. Like, I used to eat it all the time when I lived in Colorado, and I don't really eat it much. Like, I used to be, like, on Sunday,

I'd go to Las Volcanas in Elizabeth. I'd go get menudo and just fucking sweat that shit out. No one's going to pick this, I'm sure. And it's incredibly specific to LA. And it's not on my list. But you ever had like a burrito, like goat stew? No. With goat bones on the side?

I fucking love goat bones. I read that Jonathan Gold wrote a thing about it and was like, it helps if you go hungover. And so me, Burns, Kara, Burns' then girl. We had to get drunk. We went hungover and went. And it was just glorious. Really? It's just this unctuous goat meat, like, stew with the, and you eat the meat off the ribs and tortillas for dipping.

Damn, I want to ring you on a, you say unctuous goat meat. I'll take you. I'll take you. It's in East LA. Yeah. It's unreal. I'm way with it. I'm way with it.

Yeah, I'm glad, because that reminded me. I forgot all about that. It's been years since I thought of that place. I love a good, hot, spicy stew soup. I do, too. I love a hot soup like that. Yeah, yeah. That shit, yeah.

It's just like, the menudo, just the vegetable, it just always, every time, it just is so good, man. Sure. Excellent pick. Matt Bronger. Oh, I'm an ex? Time for your fourth pick. Number four. Number four.

You know, I have been, I've been going, like, feel, like, real healthy and stuff. You have. I'm going to draft chicken wings. There you go. I'm going to draft fried chicken wings. Yes. Just, you know, they can be fancy. They can be from the bar.

But, like, you remind me of that, David, because I used to make a run to Kyo-Chon Wings when my gal and I were hungover. Are they Korean wings? Yes, sir. I love Korean wings. Would they hand brush each wing? Yeah. But it's fast food, so it's not too expensive. They used to have one in the Glendale Galleria Mall in the food court.

They don't anymore. They do not anymore. Let me tell you, I found out, hungover as a fucking sailor. Damn. Went into that food court. There was nothing there but cords hanging out of the wall. I was like, what happened? What?

I yelled, what happened? And the businesses next to there were like, hey, man, they just up and took. So I drove to Koreatown. I drove to the only one that's. I'm like, you will not deny me. A man on a mission. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will find you.

And they. I will eat you. Oh, my God. Those Kyochon wings, man. Really. There's something about chicken wings, too, when you're hungover. Damn, I'll do that dip where it's just as much blue cheese. Yes.

You know that dip where you're like, you get a big chunk of blue cheese, and you're like, oh, this is the balancing act? The money dip. Like a little seal with a ball on it that goes all the way to your mouth. Seal with a ball on it. Dude, yeah. And your hand's probably shaking. It's also because fat and fried food and general unhealthiness always eases the

hangover. It just does. And there's just nothing worse for you than chicken wings. It just does. I mean, there is. But like it's just, it's all fat. It's fried. You dip it in something that's also fat.

Oh, it's glorious. You've been a bad boy and you deserve a reward. Fucking glorious. Yeah. Love it so much. Fucking chicken wings is a great pick. Yeah. Yeah.

Sometimes you get like spicy, too. What's fun, too, is to go on the errand, go to a bar, order chicken wings. While they're making them, have yourself a patch-em-up. Have a beer. You're only having one. You can still drive home. You're only having one. Just have the one beer.

Just have the one. And drive those wings home to your lover that's the one symphony yep that's fucking beautiful chicken wings

Sean time for your fourth pick okay now tell me if this is too close to an errand I was going to say the right length of a road trip

I don't think it's an errand no it is an errand alright it's not close at all but it just feels like getting in the car I was like I like them I love road trips I don't want to go on like an eight hour. No, it is an eight hour. All right, it's not close at all. I think it's insane. But it just feels like getting in the car. I was like, I like them. I love road trips. I don't want to go on like an eight hour road trip,

but I feel like if everybody has to get up and you drive like an hour, hour and a half back to a destination. Everybody's beer fighting. Oh, we got drunk up in the mountains. Yeah, yeah, and we're driving back. We had a weekend in Big Bear. We went to Corvallis.

Took a bunch of drugs. Or like, honestly, coming back from Vegas, it's not horrible because we're all in the same car having fun and you get to talk about things and I don't know, you're not really doing too much. Vegas is tough. Yeah, it is tough. Because you probably come back on a Sunday and unless you came back in the morning, you're in for like a five hour stop.

Immediately when I said that, I was like, yeah, not Vegas. We came back from Las Vegas. It was pretty brutal. Palm Springs, possibly. Yeah. Definitely Big Bear. God, we got to go have a drinking weekend. I know. It was pretty brutal. Palm Springs, possibly. Yeah. Definitely Big Bear. God, we got to go have a drinking weekend

is what I just feel. You get to talk about like the night and it's all fun and like that really gets me over a hangover real quick. It's like,

oh yeah, everything's fun. Fuck my hangover. I'll be fine. I'm not going to fucking die because I'm a little hungover. I feel fantastic doing that. Yeah. Just being with everyone,

talking, chilling and then you throw some of these other things into that mix because it's just happening on the road trip and you know, maybe some with everyone, talking, chilling. And then you throw some of these other things into that mix because it's just happening on the road trip. And, you know, maybe some weeds in the car, some stuff like that. Oh, there's some weed in the car.

Oh, there's some weed in the car. Hold on. You think I don't keep that thing? You looked at me like that. Like that was the stupidest thing I ever said. He's like, oh, there's some weed in the car. That if sounds insane. Trust me, the weed's going to be there longer than the alcohol is, brother. I'll tell it. Like, that was the stupidest thing I ever said. He's like, I'll keep it. That if sounds insane. Yeah.

Trust me, the weed's going to be there longer than the alcohol is, brother. I'll tell you that much. Absolutely. I'm getting sick of drinking pretty quick, but weed's been cool this whole time. That's one of the things about it. It looks, it just looks so fun. Back to weed. I was thinking about it the other day. I've been smoking weed pretty regularly since like the eighth grade.

It's the only thing I've been doing that long that I like. It's the only thing. And there's still people that, I mean, a lot of my family will still be like, well, they think it's worse than drinking somehow. That is so great. I like smoking weed way more than I like drinking. People want it to be like that. You like it more. It's better for you.

It's so much better. It's low key. Or it's less worse for you. You know? I like it more. It's better for you. It's so much better. It's low key. Or it's less worse for you. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. But it's, yeah. Anyway, yeah. A road trip.

A road trip. Chilling out. I wish I could agree with you. It just makes me, like. Too long puts me on edge. But if it's a short one. People farting in the car. That's tough.

You know? Yeah. Maybe if you get some food. I try to be cool about it. What you do is you stop off. You stop off at like a, like a, like a You know? Yeah. Maybe if you get some food. I try to be cool about it. What you do is you stop off at like a Bee's, like Applebee's or a Chili's on the way home. Sure, yeah. Get your top shelf Margs. A Bee's.

Top shelf Margs? Cadillacs? Sure. No, I'm on board. Cadillac Margs. Top shelf. Let's go to the Bee's, get some top shelf Margs. I'm using all the dad boner terms.

These top shelf Margs going down so smooth. It's time for my fourth and then my final pick. So this is a serpentine. We'll make that last round a speed round. So in the fifth round, do I pick two? You just pick one. But we're going to do them quick. Okay, because I never got to pick two.

No. In a row. No. That's only the book ends. Only on either end. Only the butt ends. I get it now. Like a horseshoe.

Here we go. Got it. What the fuck were you talking about? Chicken and carne asada. I'm going to... I'm going to say just fucking up a Starbucks. Yeah, yeah. Pull them through the drive-thru.

I can't believe that. Get one to two Starbucks breakfast sandwiches and a R2D2 sized coffee. Just a big motherfucker coffee. And just eat the sandwiches. I'm down with that. Drink that coffee. And just get nice and high and tight. You can tell how buck the night before was by how straightforward Ian is with the I want a black coffee situation.

Where they're like, you want anything in it? Sometimes it's like, no. And sometimes it's like, no, black. Straight black. Black. You just kind of tell. I said black. I said no.

How much you need it. A good move is a giant iced coffee because it goes to the master. Oh, yeah. That's what I mean. Yeah. I really get a hot one. Giant iced coffee. I would have gotten hot ones back up in the Pacific Northwest.

Sure. The land that birthed both of us. Of course, of course. And birthed fine coffee outside of Italy. Yeah. But, well, that's Seattle, but whatever. It was us. It was us.

But I drink iced coffees like I was a millennial. Oh, my God. Like, I love them. It just disappears. I love them so much. I get them. I make iced coffee at work. I have five a day, probably. Wow. Maybe that's why I can't sleep. I just disappears. I love them so much. I get them. I make iced coffee at work. I have five a day, probably.

Maybe that's why I can't sleep. I just, they're free. I just have them all day. I was going to put a lid on that, my friend. I have maybe two. Let's get that down to three. My man's running wild. You're doing five iced coffees a day?

I make mine at home. I had five today. I had two today, but I have an 11.45 slot at the comedy store. Well, that makes sense. I'm not going to bed anytime soon. We're running the risk of butting up into it. No, you're really not. I know, I know, I know.

I just feel bad for our producer. We're going so long. So fucking up a Starbucks. I just fucking love it. Get a couple. They make a good breakfast sandwich there. Yeah, it's solid. They really do.

Yeah, dude. They really do. And you can go totally healthy or not at all. Whatever you want to. Yeah, exactly. You can get like, what's that one? 780 calories somehow? That one, you know.

Or they have like a nice turkey bacon that's like real mac and cheese. Yeah, with egg white. They're the best constant at an airport. I love it. Whenever I go to an airport and you have to eat something, I go to Starbucks and I get that turkey bacon egg white sandwich. God bless them. Yeah.

There they go. My last one, it's a combination one. Okay. So tell me if this is okay, but it's a quick one. It's the old drugstore two-step. It's a Pedialyte and two Advil. Yeah. That's fine.

If you call it, you have to call it the drugstore two-step. Let me amend that, too, for those folks out there, because I was going to draft some sort of pain reliever maybe at some point. Yeah. Just do not take Tylenol.'t ah because you can take aspirin you can take a leave you can take uh advil advil uh i stole some bayer from my hotel will that work it's aspirin that's fine yeah uh okay me and amy it was a whole amy miller was sure we've got some hospital room sure that's fine yeah we stole a bunch of shit No, because if you still have alcohol in your system, which you often do when you wake up,

like those moments where you're like, I don't feel that bad. Like you're still kind of drunk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Tylenol plus the alcohol, real rough on your liver. Oh, really? There you go. It's bad for your liver.

Fucking advice from a dipshit, dude. See? That's what I'm saying. And the three other dipshits are like, Wow. And it always levels up as dipshits. When you hurt yourself mildly, and the doctor are like, wow. And it always, you know, when you like, when you like hurt yourself mildly

and you're like, and the doctor is like, hey, take some Tylenol. You're like, you sure? Like they almost always take Tylenol.

I never got it. Right. Yeah. They just assume, they assume you have like, as Homer says, he drinks a snifter of port every Christmas.

Yeah. That's all you drink. Of course I have a snifter of port every Christmas. That's it. I don't lie. I tell doctors straight up and they get pissed at me every time.

Sure. Better than the alternative. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. But yeah, and then this is a little, just a tip to the Pedialyte is real thick. So if you want to make yourself a little non-alcoholic cocktail, a little club or sparkling water and some Pedialyte. That's nice.

I like that. That'll get you right where you need to be. That's nice. Right where you need to be. It's nice. Right where you need to be. It's a healthy drink that's cold and it'll get you there. By the way,

speaking of Pedialyte, a lot of times at the 7-Eleven by my house, it's warm, but 7-Eleven makes their own Pedialyte now.

They keep it in the fridge. Is that like 7-Eleven brand Pedialyte? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to, oh yeah, that's fucking, I mean Armstrong

who sent me, again, I mentioned it earlier, but like fucking clutch, dude. I maintain that if Trader Joe's came up with their own brand that was like, you know, Dr. Monocle's whiz-bang hangover remedy or some fucking steampunk shit... Old Rummy Tom's. They would make a billion dollars.

They would. They would make... They would just sold it like it... That's what it is. That's what it's for. And it was just Pedialyte. It's just Pedialyte. Old shaky Tom's. It's not for... Don't buy it for your for. And it was just Pedialyte. It's just Pedialyte. Old shaky toms.

Don't buy it for your baby. No. Prohibition elixir. Diuretic baby. Prohibition elixir. Yeah, exactly. Straight from your uncle's alchemy cabinet. But it is a lightning round.

It is a lightning round. Sean, your final pick. I'm going to pick. Okay, tell me if I can do this. If this is too much. I'm going to pick a hot shower and the right song playing. Yeah, you can pick that. I can do that?

All right. Is that all right? I feel like you're right. Yeah. Okay. Like a hot shower and I'm thinking... Hot shower with some music playing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But it's got to be like the right... I'm thinking of Picture Me Rolling because that's one of my favorite songs. Nice. So like a hot shower, Picture Me Rolling playing, and when you're hungover, you're just like boom, and you're all of a sudden in a pretty good mood. It is a funky little bass line.

To start the song. And it's just such a good-ass mood, good vibe. Take a shower, you freshen up, and you just feel rejuvenated when you get out. It's a good one. Ju-ver. Excellent. Matt, time for your final pick. Okay, I'm going to do a one-two punch, because you did.

Yep, yep. Antacid. Okay. Like Tums or whatever. Just gets thetwo punch because you did. Yep, yep. Ant acid. Okay. Like Tums or whatever. Just gets the chest burn out of you. And lemon water. Basically, this is the shit, too. Just slice up a lemon, squeeze all of it into a jug of water, and drink that.

It hydrates you like nothing else. That's wild. It's like homemade Pedialyte. It's crazy. That's the first time someone's mentioned just drinking water. I know. I know. I didn't want to be fucking typical and be like, water.

We all know water. The one thing that really, really helps. The one thing that guaranteed works. What's the best way to beat a hangover? Don't be dead. Don't be drunk. Thank you. Yeah, be alive.

That's a great way to feel good about yourself. I feel like water is so obvious. Yeah, that's why we do lemon water. But really cut up a little water, give it a little tang. Yeah, just cut a lemon in half and squeeze it all in there and try not to drink the seeds. But it just, holy shit. Anytime I go to like the airport and you get into like a sky lounge or something, just like fucking fill up your, I always carry like a camelback to bring on the plane with me.

Fill that up with their lemon water. So much better. It's incredible. Man. And antacid, just holy shit. Yeah. Sometimes you just need that. Ooh, the burbles.

The burbles. The burbles. Oh, and just the fucking chest burn from all the booze. You're like, oh, God, get it out. I remember those days. Just the hot Vietnam runway. Set it off fucking sorties all night. Nick Swartzen tweeted at one point, like a couple years ago,

I'm not saying I'm hungover, but I could eat a Tums the size of a deep dish Chicago pizza right now. It's a huge horror. Eating it. Excellent, excellent. David, your final pick? This one is combining multiple picks that we've already had, so I understand how it wouldn't. This is very specific to me.

In my Highland Park neighborhood, if I'm real drunk, if I was real drunk the night before, I like taking a walk up that big hill and going to see a movie by myself. Oh, yeah. I feel like that's specific enough. Because it's dark in there, but you're still forced to sit up. You know what I feel like that's specific enough. Yeah, that works. Because it's dark in there, so it's like,

but you still, you're forced to sit up. You know what I mean? I bring my own food in, try to see a longer one, but yeah, I feel a lot better. It's a scene.

It's a solo movie. That's universal. Yeah. That's a great feel. And that's something you don't start to realize you can do on your own until you're past 21,

until you're that age. When I was a kid, I was like, I can't go by myself. That's ridiculous. I never even thought about it when I was younger. I first did it at the Cinema 21 in Portland in high school, and it was liberating. Wow.

You were at Cinema 21 too. I was like, I'm here by myself. And it was just the best fucking feeling. Yeah. And then I immediately started going high. Yeah. Like immediately. And I would go, and I would get stoned and sit in the balcony and drink a giant Coke.

Yeah. And, man, you never had a good, like, fountain Coke to your stone to the balls. Yeah. Oh. I remember just drinking that, just holding it, both hands like a chimp. Yeah, you're just like. Oh, mine. Yeah.

Humans made this? Yeah. Thinking about it, I'm getting giddy. Man, I want to do it right now it was so good excellent pick David to recap the picks I went first

I took hair of the dog a big fuck off breakfast three fool movies on TV fuck up a Starbucks and then the old drugstore two step Sean you went second you took sex

an ice cold Coca-Cola a nap, the right length of a road trip, you maniac, and the hot shower, and the right song. Those all sound like places he likes to have sex. Sean sounds like a fine day. Yeah. Sean's like a short story.

Yeah, really? Like a Hemingway story. And then, as men do, I had a Coca-Cola. I looked at her snow-white body and drank my ice-cold Coca-Cola, getting ready for the road trip. And I thought about death. Driving to Poughkeepsie to watch Shane Torres' headline at the chuckle shot. We took a road trip. We took a road trip.

I fell out of love with her. I washed the day away. The shower was a hot shower and a good shower. And I listened to pictures. The water was a stern water. It was a hot shower and a good shower. That's great. pictures. The water was a stern water. It was a hot shower and a good shower. That's great. That's it.

That's really it. I went to bed. It was a twin bed and a firm bed and it gave me rest. Wait, is this There Will Be Blood now? No, that's how

that's how Hemingway writes. Yeah. There's that my mom said there's an article from the New Yorker like famous writers rewrite

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road. Oh, yeah. Hemingway's is to die, period, in the rain, period. Matt, you went third. You took going to the gym, sweating it out, mineral water, both to swim in and to drink. A banana or bananas, fried

chicken wings, and then the antacid and lemon water one-two punch. That's a Sunday. Mine is a good Sunday. That's a fucking Sunday. David, you went last. You took weed, swimming in real cold water, a minimal errand, menudo, and then hitting that movie theater, Saulao.

Damn, I love that. Yours is a lifestyle magazine. Yeah, it is. I mean, mine's definitely lifestyle. I didn't believe too much on the table. That's good. We love some good things. We love breakfast burritos just in general, but I kind of could put that in a big fuck-up breakfast. I'm very surprised.

See, when you took sex, I was going to take jacking off. I was going to take jacking off. Somebody could have, and I think they're different. Do you know what was terrifying? What a friend said to another friend of mine. He's older, and he's like, you know, it feels so good. Your body thinks you're dying. It wants you to reproduce.

Isn't that horrifying? Wow. And I think of that whenever I jack off hungover. It kind of ruins it. I don't know. I liked it just as much as when I was 12. Nah, listen, it doesn't affect it that much. But I do have that thought.

You'll do it like four times. Like, I'm not dying. Yeah, you're putting up numbers here. You're getting some water in there. I've done it a lot on a Sunday where you're just like, man, this is bananas. Brushing your teeth and taking a shit, those help? Same time. I had pho, too, which is weird.

Pho is fucking fantastic. Ramen. Big salad. The old Jewish businessman's workout where you show up, have a schvitz, and then you go about your merry way. A schvitz is good. I also like shooting around basketball.

Not playing basketball. Not like a pickup game but just like you and a few other people. Yeah, yeah. Just messing around. Fantastic. Well, what a wonderful

draft. We of course want to hear from yours. Seriously. Send them to us at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. Hit us up

All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. You can hit us all up individually, of course. You can DM into that Twitter, too, for sure. I have the number, too, if anyone wants to call. Oh, if you want advice for a dipshit. You just leave a message. No judgment. 323-763-0228. Give it to him again.

It's 323-763-0228. Call in there. Yeah, dude. Uh, shout out to all the fans. We love you so much. Thank you so much. These last two weeks have been ridiculous.

They've been amazing for us. Coming out. Everybody. It's, it's boring to me. Making pie. Shout out to like woolly leathers for giving us wallets. Oh yeah.

We have a wallet for you somewhere. I imagine. Fucking. I think it probably does. Uh, shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on Twitter, on Instagram. Shout out to Frankie Ocean.

Shout out to Sid the Dude. More important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Trailballs!