All Fantasy Everything - Hats

Episode Date: May 30, 2024

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. I'm Ian Carmel, and with me as always are my friends and comedians and in person at Dude IDK Studios in beautiful Denver, Colorado, mere hours before David Borey tapes his special. Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Bro, this is my whole day. I can't. This is all day. I'm going to be so tired when this is done. It's going to be amazing. I'm going to want to go to bed. You got to go into like a lower gear for this entire podcast.

Welcome, by the way. This is it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. It started a minute ago when David said, this is my whole day. Oh, that's where we're going to start? I think so. I think it's good. I don't want to start it there.

Isaac can, by now, Bhutan or wherever the hell he is on his grand tour. Is he like on a walkabout? Yeah, he's put his Bhutan. Come on. Come on. That's perfect. That's perfection. Would you mind actually joining us via Zoom?

I'm going to Zoom from Adam's house. Yeah, I wasn't really working when I was sitting there. So I just went to the hotel with the bad internet. This is how like you don't want to wear a brand new shirt on your taping. You want to have worn it like once, got the factory crease out. But I'm double fucked. You got to iron in the creases. You got to have that shirt stand up without you in it.

I haven't worn it. How are you feeling? I'm excited. I'm glad you guys are here. People are coming into town, so that feels good. Cried on the plane. Sean cried on the plane.

But that's because he was watching Straight Outta Compton. I also think that means six more weeks of spring. It's a tragedy. He was like, they just came up with the Ain't Nothing But a G thing right there in the house. You mean that fucking song that got sampled? That song that already existed. That actually made me feel better about that scene because then he's playing, I think we've talked about this on the podcast before, but he's like, oh yeah, I remember this tune.

Here's the thing though. Let's say the biopic of your life. You don't think it's going to be like you're at a bowling alley or you're ordering dinner somewhere and some waiter is like, well, we have the all fantasy, everything is the special. And then you're going to be like, wait,

say that again. I'm still describing some fantasy anything. Yeah, that's what it was before. You walk into a restaurant and they're like, we have 15 menu items for the three of you. But we only have one of each. Only one of each.

And Shane's going to ruin it. I almost had to break that picture in there. There's a big frame poster of Shane Torres in there. Oh, in the bathroom. I didn't know I was going to have diarrhea when I went in there. It's didn't do shitting. Talk about look him in the eyes. I've looked him in the eyes when I pooped in here. Shane Torres, yeah.

I FaceTime him every time I poop. You pooped in the studio? You're going to poop right before the show, right? I didn't really think... I didn't want another thing to worry about, Ian. That is a good question. Have you timed your poops? No, I never even thought about it. I took a shit on the plane.

How do you feel about that? And cried? What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you do them both in the bathroom? Some guy died of cancer right in front of me. What do you want me to do? So you took a shit and cried? Dude.

Were you crying on the shitter? No, but I cried out of happiness. And, you know, I was a little popped earlier. I had some drinks at the airport. And then I took a drinks at the airport. And then I took a poop on the plane. You also took a shit at the sandwich restaurant we went to for lunch. For sure. Why not, David?

I don't want to do it here. You timed your poops? Yeah. I got them out before I got here. Yeah, every 60 minutes, I think. On the hour. Every hour. It's a pretty solid cycle.

Double nickels on the dime. I don't like anything in there. I don't like anything in there. My intestines are bare, buddy. An empty vessel, just like a temple for the Jameson to enter into and pray solemnly. I'm doing makers these days. When did that? How did that?

Yesterday. Seriously. These days, you mean today and yesterday? Because Jameson's a little too syrupy these days. What was that? Is that a Midwestern mother? Also, makers is also thick. I don't know. It'll get you there. What was that? It's a syrupy. What was that? Is that like a mother? Is that a Midwestern mother? Also, Maker's is also thick.

I don't know. It'll get you there. What do you want? Well, so will Jameson. We're looking for some sort of line of logic through your drinking habits. I don't know. I just switched up yesterday. I think I'm switching it. Do you think for life? For now? I don't know. I don't know if you're going to ask the hard-hitting questions for a while. I personally, I'll expose myself at the same time.

I've been in a wine phase for a while now. Really? Yeah. Natural wine. I try to drink natural wine. I don't know if it makes you less hungover, but I believe that it does. What's natural? I don't know.

Pardon my ignorance. I don't know. Stretch marks. You know what I mean? Stretch marks. I like my wine to have stretch marks. I do, though. I do, too.

Well, natural wine. Because it makes the bag bloat. But I don't understand what natural means. In my mind, you're making wine in a bag behind some kind of a radiator. I am. I need to get it from a dude with a beret but no accent. It's who I'm buying my wine from. He makes it in Temecula.

This isn't true. I still don't know what natural wine is. Is it wine that is like already like nobody has to do anything to it? I don't know. I don't even know additives and stuff. It's organic, yeah.

Oh, okay. So wine. Well, maybe. I think regular wine has like preservatives and additives and stuff. How many more times do you want me to say

I don't know but then I fall in love with you? This is years in the making. What's in whiskey? Yeah, dude. You fucking asshole. A good time. Tell me how you make that shit. R in love with you. What's in whiskey? Yeah, dude. You fucking asshole. A good time. Tell me how you make that shit.

Rye? What grain? What's rye? I don't know what rye is. Is rye in whiskey? Some of it. Is it a thing? It's in rye whiskey.

What's rye? It's in rye whiskey. Rye, we talking about this. Come on. There he is. Come on. Perfection, dude. All right, you're back in the circle.

Yeah, he worked it off. I got my legs crossed. I'm staying in the circle. I crossed my legs too. Good job. I'm finally doing everything. Ian was going to drop in the restaurant and do push-ups earlier today.

Let's talk about that real quick. I stepped out. I've been doing 100 push-ups a day. I know you've been doing 100 a day. I've been doing 100 a day. He stands up in the restaurant where I'm like, no way.

In the restaurant and then he went out to the parking lot. I walked outside and I did them in the parking lot, which turned out to be more of a hot zone than I thought. The whole thing was a parking lot. I thought I was in an area for pedestrians.

No. So I was just doing 50 pushups next to a car that was idling. Somebody's going to videotape you like that. Like Kendrick doing burpees in the park. Fucking weirdo. It's just going to be you next to a King Coast. Next to one of Snarf's. It was Ian Carmel doing 50 pushups.

You did 50 pushups outside of Snarf's? Yeah. That'smel doing 50 push-ups. You did 50 push-ups outside of Snarf's? Yeah. That's a first and last. Then I had a chicken salad salad. What did you have? A buffalo chicken sandwich? Buff chick, yeah. You're a buffalo chicken, man.

Big buff chick. I had one yesterday, too. Cool. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. All right. Great.

Yeah. Resonating with the listeners. So I think I'm going to have some wine tonight you're gonna drink tonight brother i sit here holding a lemon are you already cranking into a white claw the worst of the worst would you gonna be by 10 o'clock huh what are you gonna be by show two show yeah you're gonna be asleep i if i can handle myself that's one thing that i've proven to both of you time and time again that I can handle. Unfortunately, my hand does not shake until the next morning. You catch me tomorrow morning.

We're in Denver, the city where you have... Was it two high plains ago? Three high plains ago. The most embarrassing thing that's ever happened, drunk thing that I think has ever happened, where I thought it was 6 a.m. when it was 6 p.m. We were driving to the Comedy Works south, and. I said, driving to the Comedy Works South. And in the lift, I was like, what are we doing at 6 in the morning? I really.

And then we got there and I was like, I got to get back to the hotel. I will say, that's a pretty great worst thing to have done when you're drunk. Most embarrassing. It's not the worst thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Most embarrassing. Yeah, killed a guy. Stand-up is the worst thing you've done drunk.

Yeah, sorry. I did a show in Boise last night where the whole thing was you get drunk and do the show. You? Guess what Sean gave a lecture on. If you had to guess. Oh, yeah.

It's not skateboarding. So the show, you give a PowerPoint presentation on something. You're not far off. You're warm. I know that. You're in the stadium. Dope.

It's movies that you have correct. Now think of what other movies. Tombstone? Yeah, 100% right. The gunfight at the OK Corral, to be specific. I was just out there drunk talking about it. So it was just another night? Yeah, they gave me a microphone this time.

I would have just told everyone at the bar regardless. They paid you to do what you were going to do anyways that evening. What are three facts about Tombstone that your average city goer might not know? Shorter than you think. Who is? Tombstone? Yeah, Tombstone. He was the 10th gunfighter. Wyatt know? Shorter than you think. Who is? Tombstone? Yeah, Tombstone. He was the 10th gunfighter.

Wyatt Earp is shorter than you think? Wyatt Earp's 6'2", taller than you think. Oh, well, who? Doc Holliday? The gunfight was shorter than you think. Oh. No, I think the gunfights are all short. 30 bullets in 30 seconds. That's how long the whole thing was.

There's one fact. Wyatt Earp was the only person who didn't get hit or run away. So he's the only one that was unscathed. And I don't know, three people died. And it was only nine people. A lot of people think it was like, it's pretty accurate in the movie, but they miss a few things.

And, you know, there it is. It's not all hilarious. It's just facts. I didn't think he was hilarious in the movie either. No. Trying to transition to more of a fact-based podcast, I think, is the big move we're going to make. What episode is this? Three something?

Bite me, dude. We can start saying that again. Up your ass, dude. Up your nose. Up your nose with a rubber hose, brother. Down the J-Man says, up your nose with a rubber hose. Well, Sean S. Jordan is here. He's not only giving fact-based presentations

Did you weave some humor into it or were you hard facts? So the idea is you get hammered and then you give a presentation? Yeah, and I had to make it funny because it's the crutch Hard knocks I don't know

Drunk history? Drunk history Oh yeah, it's kind of drunk history It was basically drunk history Boise hasn't gotten that show yet They haven't gotten Cable yet They haven't gotten Cable yet Shout out to everyone

who came to the Boise show Sold it out if anyone's listened Yeah Turning people away Oh yeah One of our biggest sellers They put us in the biggest theater

in Boise Like I think It got brought up last night Yeah okay Yeah It was so big It was that kind of thing where it made us feel like still it was like 120 people showing up in boise idaho which is amazing but it was in a 400 seat theater an egyptian

theater an egyptian theater yeah don't do that to us i had fun yeah i had a good time episodes coming out by the time you listen to this you will have heard it on patreon so um where can people see you oh let's talk you know what i got the dates right here in front of me. Why don't I go ahead and do them? Just because I have a calendar right here in front of me. Come to the All Fantasy Everything Live Tour. You're staring right at me.

Come to it. I am. I'll be there. It starts June 11th and it starts in Brooklyn, New York at the Bell House where we're doing the inaugural show of the tour. It's going to be a blast. We've got a special guest. We've got some surprises lined up for you. I know it's a Tuesday. You're not going to want to miss it.

It's going to be fantastic. Then on the 12th we're at Underground Arts in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The very site of the episode that we will never ever release. That is the same place. It's the same place? The exact same venue. Laura sent me flowers. Oh, she did send you flowers.

David or Shane spilled a drink on like a soundboard in the back. I think it was Shane. Shane did. That was Shane. I couldn't get drunk. There was a yarmulke. Yeah, that's also it.

I kept drinking in the back. But then we drank the City Wides. And then that got us drunk. You couldn't get drunk on pre-show liquor. That's different. I was like trying to get there and I was like, it stopped working. I was working.

Two weeks in. Oh, no. Yeah. That one wasn't like the end of the tour, right? I think it was. The last show. Of the East Coast tour. We sang karaoke.

Yes, we did. We had a scrapple. I don't. I ended up. You might have peeled off by that point. The diner stuff is pretty gone to me. I ended up in a diner with some strangers. Were you there, too?

No, I was there. You were gone. It's very loose. I was eating Scrapple. Whatever was going on in that diner. And then I took the company of a lady that evening. In the hotel? In the hotel room.

But you got a new room. Yeah. Yeah. Where was Sean? Shane and I were sharing a room. Yeah, because you were on, like, an early flight, right? Oh, you and Shane were sharing. Shane was sharing me and you were sharing. Yeah, and you did in like an early flight Oh you and Shane were sharing me and you were sharing

Yeah and you did me one of the great solids Of my entire life and at 3am Like blackout drunk went down and got another room And the guy working there couldn't figure out How to do it Cause it was like it's 3 The guy working here couldn't figure out So yesterday in my hotel

Somebody tried to come in it's never happened to me before Somebody they booked I was almost naked I always do the deadbolt thing But if this somebody tried to come in. It's never happened to me before. Somebody they booked. I was almost naked. I always do the deadbolt thing. But if this guy would have come in. How quick do you get naked when you enter a hotel room? Almost immediately. Yeah, same.

Yeah, I change almost immediately. I put my shorts on, like my meshes. But yeah, this dude's rattling the door and I shut the door. I was like, they already gave me the room, man. And I was going to go get my key and come out and show him. But he was already like slugging off down the hall. You know what's weird? In Madison, I put my clothes in the dresser.

There we go. I do that every now and then. Like a fucking virgin. I kind of like doing it now. It makes it feel nicer, right? It feels like you're in an apartment. Because now I know what having an apartment feels like. Before, I never lived alone.

So it was like, this is what i do my evolution of me in hotel rooms my behavior yeah is also gone with my evolution of living alone right like when i had 12 roommates i was feral in a hotel you were living out of a you would zip up your suitcase again yeah i'm shitting in the ice bucket just because i'm free i clean my hotel room i like make the bed and everything that's dumb you make it not like they make it but i like yeah i make it do you not tip then i tipped yeah do you tip and make the bed do they gotta tip you i put all my garbage in one can't like whatever i just pick a garbage can to make sure it's all there do they ever come in and remake the bed

i don't ever get that done. I never did that before COVID. I always, like, however long I'm in a room. I do know that about you. Yeah, we used to go to San Diego. Like, 10 teenage kids, we'd split a hotel room in San Diego and not get our room cleaned. Really? Yeah.

Well, that was a kindness. I don't like them coming in there. The 13th of June, we're going to be back in Brooklyn, New York, at the Bell House. They split us up. Good transition. They split us up. We're going to be back there Brooklyn, New York at the Bell House. They split us up. Good transition. They split us up. We're going to be back there.

I will be getting my hotel room cleaned in New York. So come to that show, too. Completely different show. Completely different surprises. It's going to be a blast. Oh, this is also a good time to mention a few things. A, we're going to be doing Trillblazin show exclusive merch. City specific.

City specific. At each of the different cities. There's going to be different merch. It's fire. For you to get. It looks amazing. Can I say fire? You guys didn't answer me earlier. Am I too old? I don't know if we're the guys. That was kind of the answer. For the listeners, Sean texted us. He said

the word fire and then not five minutes later asked if he was pulling it off. I wanted to do the dignity of just not. Alright. That was fire of you. I wanted to do the dignity of just not. All right. That was fire of you. Now you know what I mean. You also ran, if we're calling balls and strikes,

past me earlier. That was a fun one. And that's more in your lane now, I think. That's a fun one. Yeah. You were currently wearing a t-shirt with a print of your daughter's baby blanket on it. Every time I fly.

Might be time to say goodbye to fire. Keep going with the dates dude everywhere then on the 14th we're going to washington dc that's a friday night we're going to be back at the black cat which is where we were at uh of your biggest l of your life of the biggest l i've ever taken in my entire life and uh something that has become a joy honestly to to recount and to think about also Also, just such a fun city. I can't wait for that show. Yeah, I love D.C.

The 15th, we're going to be in Toronto, Ontario, Canada at the Randolph, going to the T-Dot on the 15th. We have a very special... We actually have a few very special surprises for that show. Yeah. So you're going to want to come out to that. Oh, Shane Torres will be joining us for, if not all the New York shows, all of these East Coast shows.

He can't come for Ohio. He can't come for Pittsburgh or Cleveland, right? Yeah, but then he'll be in Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis. Maybe we should say him in order. He's being cleaned on those two days. We're having him pressure washed. He's going to get a blood transfusion. We're having Shane pressure washed on the 18th and 19th.

We're going to get him deloused. It takes a couple days, but it's worth it. So the 15th, we're in Toronto, Ontario. The 16th, we're in Boston, Massachusetts. That's a Sunday. Go to Catholic Church and then come see us do a live all fantasy everything. That's going to be super fun.

The 18th, I don't know why I'm taking so long with this, but it's a good time, right? Go ahead. We're having a good time. The 18th, we're going to be I'm taking so long with this, but it's a good time, right? Go ahead. We're having a good time. The 18th, we're going to be in Pittsburgh at Bottle Rocket Social Hall. Oh, I forgot to say we were in Boston. We're at the Arts at the Armory in Somerville, Massachusetts,

which is Boston. 18th, Pittsburgh, Bottle Rocket Social Hall. 19th, Cleveland, Ohio, coming through with a crazy Y-O-Y-O. At the Roxy at Mahal's. The 20th, in Detroit, Michigan, at the Magic Bag. Yeah. The 21st, we're at the Den Theater.

We are adding, due to popular demand, a second show at the Den. You guys sold out the first one super quick. We're adding a second one for the people who couldn't get tickets to the first one, and also for all the sickos who want to double dip. And I get the feeling

that's a Friday night in Chicago. It is a Friday night in Chicago. It's going to be a fun one to double dip. I mean, aren't bars open a Friday night in Chicago. It is a Friday night in Chicago. It's going to be a fun one to double dip. I mean aren't bars open until four in that goddamn place? And then they open at four. The other one,

they are open until four and then they open at four. So if you plan it right you can just keep being a loser. We have a lot of, we have a lot of, is maybe not the word. We have David's

hot dog redemption moment. That's going to be great. Smothering covered. And the 22nd we are in Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Parkway Theater. Can't wait for that one. That's the last show of this tour.

The 27th? The 22nd. Oh, that makes more sense. That's going to be a blast. Shane Torres is going to be with us on a bunch of those dates. On the ones he's not, we're going to have other extra special guests. It's going to be a blast. These tickets are going pretty quick.

Snap them up. Come see us. We also, life is coming at us pretty fast. Not 100% sure when we're going to be able to swing through the east coast again on a tour not i'm not just saying that to say that i'm just saying like you know grab your tickets come see us while you can because i'm going to drown sean in a bathtub on july 4th you can't you can't drown i'm going to expatriate mauritania you think the bathtub is your ally? I was born in the bathtub.

Raised by it. That's true. Shit, I did pick the wrong place around you. Take a bath since high school, baby. I'm fighting you in a bathtub? I had my mom bringing me breakfast in the bathtub. My mother was a cheese whiz and my father was a bathtub. It's the most Midwest origin story. What do you do about your...

I've been telling this joke on stage, but how do you handle your body hair in a bathtub? You do have body hair. It doesn't't bum you out he just shakes his head what about your penis just came at me with your old bad your bad dude floats like a cnn or whatever i don't like it i don't mind it all right it's a fun little game i like to sit and let the bath water like watch the bath water engulf my whole chest and then you know your hair your chest hair is like kelp it's like kelp that's the joke yeah free it's free flowing it's like a kelp forest yeah so i'm just as funny if not funnier because i just thought of it i think you actually stole a joke from me probably

never heard you tell a joke in my life and i've seen you do a stand-up quite a few times i'll tell a fucking joke i'll tell a fucking joke on july 4th in a bathtub dude you'll see killing john i'm gonna kill you can kill me on America's birthday are you happy birthday uh those are our dates come see us do you have any uh personal dates you'd like to share no come to the tour I had anything else that I'll be doing uh you know go to the website David Boren is here cool guy jokes 87 mere hours away from taping his special good birth of a nation. I screamed at a coffee shop earlier today. We were at a

coffee shop. Well, you tell the story, please. We were at a coffee shop and I was outside already. I'm not a big small talker. So we're outside. I'm outside. You say I'm not a big small talker? Well, I get nervous small talking with like, in a coffee shop. I'm like, they don't want to hear it, whatever. They were asking why we were in town. Yeah. And we were telling them. We were there for our friend David's taping a special

night. It's very exciting. We're very excited. And they asked what it was called, and then Ian and Adam were like, I don't know, and I read it. Birth of a Nation. And then I just walked out. It was two women of color who we yelled it at. I didn't yell it at him, but I did. Ian walks

out, he's like, I don't know if we say it. You've been in my city for two hours? He's yelling birth of a nation to people Jesus Christ I might have even said with a G in the front and it was not it was a crystal shop if they don't know me they don't get that part of the joke I was explained to me right after I said it yeah hey what do you want I am me

it was a real moment it was a real moment it's called birth of a nation with a silent g thanks for the coffee this is coming out i believe on uh hold on now i'll tell you exactly i want to say this is not coming out june 6th i think it's the 30th of may okay right because i think rachel bonetta comes on the 23rd. This is the 30th of May. You're right. 30th of May. Oh, it's the same. CoolGuy87. CoolGuyJokes87. Yep.

On Instagram, patreon.com slash David Borey. D-A-V-I-D-G-B-O-R-I-E. Coming to the tour... Oh, June 31st, I'm going to be in Portland. I don't have any jokes. So I'm going to lean on Sean to open because I have no jokes. Sean doing a crisp 45.

I have been writing. I have finally started to write jokes again. 15 years in. I recorded my shit in October. I was like, all right, stop doing it. Everyone knows you got a vasectomy. Did you hear about that? I got a vasectomy a while back.

I did hear about that. Yeah. What are you joking about now? Can you give us some beats? What does that butthole sing? But it's so much pee stuff. There's, I swear to God,

I seriously have about a half hour of pee stuff. Are you kidding? No, and in my mind, I thought as I was like, I could put out a half hour special called Urine for a Good Time.

Urine. And I really could do it. I won't, but I could. I got a half hour of pee jokes. Pee jokes. Pee jokes. Are they max pee? You know what? We'll move on. People will see it on stage. They'll enjoy it. I got a half hour of PS jokes. PS jokes. Are they max P?

You know what? We'll move on. People will see it on stage. They'll enjoy it. They'll love it in the proper context. This comes out the 30th. Usually it's bad when you have a P chunk. Yes.

A chunk? I don't want any chunks in there. Have you ever had any sort of like... Complications from drinking hot sauce. That's what he's asking. Yeah. Oh, God. Does that give you kidney stones?

don't tell me that I'll still drink a pint of hot sauce at every one of these live shows don't fucking no you won't don't it's so bad I do want to see what happens that sucks

you could do it in Minneapolis, maybe. After I've been on the road for two weeks, I just drag my carcass back in there. It's either on the 11th or the 22nd. Yeah, because you were going to have diarrhea anyways after that long on the road. We all will. We all will. That's not my fault. It's a brotherhood of diarrhea at that point. It'll be a nice thing. We could text each

other about it. Shane's next album. Brotherhood of the spattering pants come on i'm recording a special in four hours come on i could actually touch you i would lean over but i'm afraid of breaking this chair in chicago where you're like oh no and then you found out it was a crack. Oh, thank God. So for the listeners, the last time we did a live show in Chicago, if you're newer to the podcast, the chair collapsed under me

and I was like, it happened. I knew it was going to happen and it happened. And it turns out that there was a chair leg sized hole on the stage and just through sheer bad luck, but the chair leg had found that hole and I went ass over tea kettle. Oh,

and you've never seen someone so relieved to find a hole in the stage. I felt vindicated. Yeah. I think we took our shirts off. Yeah, I'm sure we did. I'm sure we will.

It was really hot on there. Yeah, it will be air conditioned this time around. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube,

all that play, all those places. My special will be coming out fairly soon on YouTube, Comfort Beyond God's Foresight. I think it's the name I'm going to go with. Tonight, I am hosting Love It or Leave It, a Dynasty typewriter in Los Angeles. I'm guest hosting, John Lovett, taking a few shows off, so I'll be in there. Oh, by the way, at every stop on the tour, if you bought my book, bought my book t-shirt swim club which you're running out of time to pre-order it soon you'll just have to straight up buy it but please pre-order it i will sign it or you can buy a copy at any of these shows

there will be people from bookstores selling the book i'll be happy to sign it there are you going to sign it with funny musings i'm going to do funny musings i will if you come to the show i will personalize the signings if you don't come to the show, I will personalize the signings. If you don't come to the show, I will personalize threat. All the signings. Fuck you, Jamie. Very specific. Like stuff where you're like, how did he know I did that? That's why your mom thinks you're a failure.

Right, exactly. Stuff like that. It's like that's why you can't paint Warhammer figurines as well as your older brother. It's just like really specific. Stop holding your breath. He's not coming back. He's not coming back. Jesse was right.

You don't want that. It sounds fun. You're like, ooh, I got one of the threat ones. You actually lost that fight. He's not coming back. Jesse was right. You don't want that. It sounds fun. You're like, ooh, I got one of the threat ones. You actually lost that fight. It will devastate you. You will lose sleep, and fewer and fewer people will enjoy your company until you're the only one that's left.

And I don't want that for you. Are you going to sign my copy? With a threat. What else? Oh, I'll be at Livewire in Portland on June 6th. Come see me doing Livewire on June 8th at 3 p.m. I'm doing a talk about T-shirt swim club with my little sister at Powell's bookstore. I'll be Powell.

Powell's. Powell's. The one on Burnside. Come see that. And then on the 9th, the next day, I'll be Chevalier's books in Los Angeles at five o'clock. Uh, and you, those are both free. You can sign up for those. And my sister and I will be doing Q&A sessions

and talking with each other about the book and then signing the book there too. That's about it. No longer opening for Ellen. So if you're buying a ticket to come see me, don't. Someone just out there with a big Ian sign. No animosity. A completely amicable parting of ways.

And she was very nice. She took care of me very well. And it's not because my comedy's bad. It was for an entirely other reason. My comedy is bad, but that's not why she let me go. And we are gathered here today not to talk about the, you know, how good or bad my comedy is, but to draft hats. Yeah. It's been one on the radar for a long time.

I think it's been suggested by quite a few people in person, on the internet. I mean, we're a big hat. We're big hat people. Yeah, this is one of the few times I'm not. I pretty much wear a hat every day. Yeah, I wear hats most days. Laura gets mad at me for wearing hats.

Because you have hair? During sex, though. He's like, it's to most days. Laura gets mad at me for wearing hats. Because you have hair? During sex, though. He's like, it's to the back, Laura. What else do you have? Before you turn around. You're like going over the top. Yeah, he's like a baseball hitter. Spits in his hands, rubs them together, and turns his hat backwards.

I always look back over my shoulder. And then sometimes you have a whole different hat. And I don't want to say any kinds of hats, but you're like my lady, and you take the baseball hat off and put on a sex hat. A sex hat? Your sex hat. Which reminds me, safe sex, y'all. Safe sex, everybody.

We won't be drafting a Jimmy hat necessarily, but perhaps that is the most important of all. I think that's on the list. That's on the list? Yeah. I retract my statement. You just said hat. Isaac, strike it from the record.

Isaac, who is currently somewhere deep in a cambodian jungle i think as he continues his tour of asia or in a bungle he could be in a bungle i was bunghole all right that was a hit you know smattering pants bunghole it's i got other stuff that's what you get that's the spectrum of human experience right there urine and if you like that kind of stuff check out birth of a nation yeah come into a coffee shop being shouted at a crystal store slash coffee shop it could not have been a worse place my only hope but both of those women looked like they had taken significant film studies classes too they had that vibe where they were, I went to college but mostly for film studies classes and crystals. It was a crystal store slash

coffee shop. I didn't. So what? Birth of a nation. Yeah. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors and I'm getting involved in this one. Oh, because it's three ways. Three of us were in person. It's time to throw rock, paper, scissors. Here we go. Rock, because it's three ways. Three of us were in person. It's time to throw rock, paper, scissors. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Yes! Yes. That was nice of us to let go. It was very nice of us to do. This was big for me. A paper against two scissors for the special boy on a special day. Come on. For the special boy. Come on. David, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent upon

you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that I will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that I didn't think of one are you expecting someone did you not see this coming it's like setting the chairs up at David's special recording

I got some I got it right here it's like all the so if you were coming in to have a seat at David's Special, you would come in, you'd go all the way to the right down one of the rows and then to get by, you'd have to go up

and then all the way to the left and then you, don't do that. Is it furrow your brow or furrow? It's the face of the furrow. Furrow. Don't furrow your brow. Furrow is,

I would be, I guess to fold something up. Or like the unfurrow. Furrow. Furrow Raven's truck. Furrow. Furrow. And then, yeah, so then you go to the right,

and then you go up one more row, and then to the left past all those chairs until you're in the front row. Until you're in the very front row of this special that will be filmed in the round. I can't wait to see it. Also filmed in the brown. It's in the brown.

It's in the round. Boop City, baby. On the ground. Give him a pound. Bobby Brown he used to be a hound and now his choice is a sound get up on the mound

no that's it I'm sorry took the heat off of my shitty serpentine explanation so thanks yeah but you do that every time you knew that was coming that's the crazy thing you boarded a flight today you didn't

too busy crying and shitting. It was the plane where, let me cut you off. It was the plane where the very, the back door, there wasn't a place for the stewards.

How close were you to the shitter? Oh, there wasn't a place for the stewards. Well, that's a short flight, right? Yeah, but I've never seen that where like the back wall of the plane was the bathroom.

It's like a Greyhound bus almost. Yeah. And then I took a shit in it. Yeah. And you cried about it. You don't feel some amount of guilt for the people sitting like one row away from the toilet. I guess you can't.

I've told you this. I'll fart on a plane the whole time. I don't, I, not a lot of rules for me on the plane. I keep to myself, but if something needs to come out, it comes out.

Sometimes I do think it's as you will. I do think it's one of the better places to shit or fart because the air circulation is so good. And that's one thing we learned from COVID. Have you ever done anything sexual on a plane? No, no, no. Have you?

No, no, I haven't either. I brought it up the other day though. I was like, I don't know if you would. I think you, on one of those red eyes,

I think you could get a tug job under the radar. Well, I was going to tell you one time I did. I think I told you guys about this. Yeah. I was on a flight and I saw a whole hookup happen. Yeah, that's right. From like, they were sitting. So it was like a younger guy, hot guy and a hot girl.

And then a weird old businessman in the middle who was too into it. And then like, he was buying them drinks and like i think it was like la to new york wow and by the time that we landed we landed the uh the guy the business guy had sat outside the guy and the guy moved in the middle and him and the girl were making out and i was like well i just watched him do that it was it was pretty cool kind of orchestrated by the older business guy no no well no, no. It was more like, hey, man, you got to let me. Yeah, you got to let me make out with this lady. After a while, it became apparent what was happening.

And the older business guy was like, do we love rock and roll? We're all going to live forever. Yeah, and the guy was like, well, you got to give me your seat, bro. I got to get it done. I'm never in the mood. Even on those 16-hour flights I've taken,

I'm usually on half a Xanax and whatever drinks they pass out. Sounds like a pretty sexual mood to me. Not at all. I'm in the mood to watch whatever Nancy Meyers movies the airplane has at that point. Eat a cheese plate, dude. Go to that area where they have

snacks out and you're not sure if you're allowed to take them, but I take them. I don't think I've been on a plane that big before. I don't know what you're not sure if you're allowed to take them, but I take them. I don't think I've been on a plane that day before. I don't know what you're talking about. On a flight that long? Are you talking about the cart? You're not supposed to be even by the cart. On like a 16-hour flight. He's calling it the area.

Hey, what's that area over there? He just walks by, grabs some nuts. So what are you guys, based out of Salt Lake? What do you call home? What's your port of call? Why is the free liquor cabinet all locked up i'm trying to get fucking loaded bro you're out of ice are you just tired of peanuts by the time you get home you just don't ever eat peanuts at home right

must have been a big relief when they started letting the flight attendant women wear pants too right that must be nice when did that happen later than you think right tiny bottle of jack like it's a full beer later than you think right yeah i'm inner pigs i mean oh it's awful it's awful well i can't say that my job at enterprise in the higher upper echelons of enterprise rent-a-car is any more progressive, honestly. Oh, I see what I did there. I took a train. The one time I took a train, I just stood in the bar car the whole time. I didn't know you could

just go chill. Maybe you're not supposed to, but you can't. You can't bring booze into the bar car, though. Yeah, they make fun of it. That's the hard way. Oh, wait. You're talking about that Trinidad festival that you did, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We stuck a bunch of booze onto the train and some extracurriculars if I'm not mistaken

no just booze they got an area on these long flights where there's just snacks out but they're not presented especially nicely so I'm like I'm not sure I'm supposed to take them but every time I go load up heavily well because it's like if I'm on a I'm supposed to take them, but every time I go load up heavily.

Well, because it's like, if I'm on a long, like an international flight, that's movie marathon. Yeah. Is it like the middle part of the plane you're talking? Yeah. It's like where the flight attendants go to make drinks or whatever. I wish they could smoke cigs over there. Just for them. Yeah.

For the flight attendants? Yeah. Yeah. They should be able to smoke. Air filtration is good enough. Hats. Basically, if you pick fourth in smoke. Air filtration is good enough. Hats. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, with that in mind,

what would the order of today's draft be? David, Ian, Sean. Ooh, hot corner. We're throwing the whole thing. I mean, it's only three, but... Motherfucker. I don't like that even one bit. But David goes first.

He has the first pick in the hats. All fantasy, everything draft. We're going to get to that first pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on

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description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could. Let me just take you on a walk.

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disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code allfantasy. And we're back. we're back to all fantasy everything already in progress we are drafting hats my friends the long awaited hats episode we finally did we're finally doing it and this will be the last

episode of all fantasy everything now that we we finally drafted hats we always said that filter what do you want to do this is the last thing we were always like we haven't done cigarettes yet we haven't done that'd be such a fucking tragedy. New ports, dude. Cigarettes.

All I would have is candy and out, man. That's not my vice. It's funny, because I do got opinions. I could draft cigarettes. Yeah, I have some feelings. Should we save that? Should we actually do that? We could do cigarettes. Yeah, I have some feelings. Should we save that? Should we actually do that?

We could do it. I don't think you could. You ever smoked a cigarette? No, but I'll go on gut. You could just go on aesthetic and perceived kind of stereo. If you're like, I always felt like a Winston man. I feel like a Marlboro Red, you know? Oh, you're a Winston guy for sure.

I'm a Winston guy? Okay. Marlboros. Camel Crush. Camel Crush is what you gotta go it's the most bang for your buck you can have dutch masters does that count no that's for that's just cigars all right okay i mean if you inhale a whole dutch masters yeah he did books yeah we could do i did ya novels i did vegetables yeah all right all right I'm also drafting things that are terrible for you.

David, you have the first pick in the hats draft. Yeah, I have to go with trusty, rusty, true blue, wear it every goddamn day. Had about a million of them in my life. Don't even care for the sport all that much. I got to go baseball. It's the fucking one. It's just, it's a Utah.

You know what's funny about baseball hats? Are you launching into a bet now? You have to tell us if you're about to do this this is my special this is so i was on a train the other day all right uh no it's an american thing like people do it in other countries but not nearly to the level that we do long recreation you mean just like out in the world recreational wearing a hat people just don't really long before my uh marriage and even meeting my wife i was in england for for business and i had a brief tryst like a five-day tryst with this british woman nice and she would like r-y-s-t that's exactly right uh 10 points for sean i she thought it was so cute that i was wearing a baseball hat she was like you're so

american yeah because i would leave for work with a baseball hat and a backpack. Yeah. And she's like, look at you. You're so American. Like, she thought it was exotic and sexy that I was wearing. Man. I don't know. I wish Laura thought it was exotic and sexy. No. No.

I'd be doing all right at home. It is a real boyish look. Yeah. I don't know. I just never considered a life without it. No. As long as I can remember, I've worn baseball hats. We have so few accessories.

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to wear a baseball hat. I don't like calming down my salad in the morning, and it's the best way just to, like, throw a lid on and keep it pushing. Just frames my head good. I don't know, man. When I meet a dude, when I meet dudes who don't ever wear baseball hats, I'm always like, that seems crazy.

It's weird. I probably have, I don't even go out of my way to buy baseball hats anymore and I think I probably have 40. Same. You know, just like under my bed,

there's bags of baseball hats. I mean, Andy hooks it up, our boy Andy Pitts, he hooks it up with those Spitfire hats. I probably have 25 Spitfire hats. Yeah.

Just those. Do you wear all of them or you got to keep them on i try to because they're free like i'll even like i got an orange one i'll wear sometimes like you know if i'm gonna take sometimes when he gives us stuff i'll just take it to heaven i'm like that's bad if you're gonna take it you gotta wear it it is like it is a boyish thing though because as a boy i was like what's it gonna be like to be a man yeah i'm probably gonna have 30 pairs of shoes and 40 hats. And then I guess sex.

Once the women catch wind of the fact that I have 40 hats, sex can't be long behind that. And to be honest, a few times, that's how it went. Which women are being Is it the White Sox hat? The ones who came to the apartment.

I don't know if you so if you get a de-stitcher you get them in like any Joann's or whatever you get a little de-stitcher and if you de-stitch the O a little bit it says sex

instead of socks on a white socks hat. I don't want to promote that. We don't have to. I just said it. You don't have to promote it at all. Isaac, go ahead and bleep that out. Yeah, get it out.

Yeah. Isaac, go ahead and take it out. There we are. I've been told. Isaac, go ahead and just put whatever you want to talk about. Yeah. I'm going to say 18 seconds and then just drop that in there.

Man. We'll see if he does. Really do it. That'd be funny. See if he does. Okay, 18 seconds. Here we go. Walking is a sham as a form of exercise.

It is inefficient. It requires a lot of time, and for you to be in a walkable area, which for us Americans is a luxury, it doesn't burn a lot of calories. It doesn't get our heart rates up very much. And it's boring as fuck. And by the way, the 10,000 steps thing, completely made up. Arbitrary idea. 10,000 steps for who? The point is, the idea that we should be wasting precious hours of our days partaking in this incredibly archaic mode of transportation is frankly asinine. Fuck walking. Alright, back to hats. The baseball hat fucker. Mini Major League Baseball

logo draft. Oh yeah, I mean, you know where I'm going first. Take it. White Sox. Oh, I don't really know. PC Twins, right? Yeah. Gotta go Yankees. Yeah, he's in it. Oh wait, wait, I got double. Yankees. You just wanted to give yourself the hot corner

I did hot corner fucking hot corner and while I'm here we might as well switch we might as well switch Yankees Dodgers Yankees Dodgers Mariners I like that one that is a good one the Trident

yeah the Trident's real good that's old but back back again, right? That's an old one. It is burst into menswear that Mariners have where people who have nothing to do with it. Don't you burst into menswear

sometimes if you find a Macy's? I often burst out of menswear and then I burst into intimates. No, I also like the S though. I used to have, back when I was a Crip, I had a Mariners baseball jersey. For sure, for sure.

I let you in. Stole it, baby. Jay Buhner. Sears can't tell me shit. Jay Buhner! That's the funniest guy to have his jersey. I got a fucking Mike Blower's jersey. Blower power.

I still got a pair of Griffey's at the crib, too. Blower does sound like something E-40 would call a gun, though. What? Blower. A blower. A pull-up to the scene with a blower. God, he's dank. Sounds so bad when you do it.

And he does the same thing. What are you talking about? Because I wanted to stick it to you. I sound good. No, you didn't. I sound a lot like E-40. We're only on the second round. What's your second pick?

Of what? Of the logos. The second one I like the most. Oh, Atlanta Braves Oh, that's a great one And then Baltimore Orioles The one that says O's Yeah, that's a good one too

Your third pick I'm going to go Giants I like that SF You like that SF? I like the colors The black and orange I'm in a tricky situation here, aren't I? There aren't a lot of other good hats

Oh, I got a couple I can't pick Boston Even though a lot of people wear that Boston hat Because I hated the Red Sox No I hated the Red Sox I can't do it You got that hard opinions on baseball huh Yeah I grew up a Yankee fan I know but I didn't think you gave a shit about baseball

Hey enough Enough I'll take that Cubbies hat I like that Cubbies hat that little lower case C It's cute their whole aesthetic is cute And that's a great little hat. People from Chicago rock it. My wife rocks it. What's that feel?

The baseball hat. It's just a fucking elite hat. Also keeps the rain out of your face. It's just good. Well, those are just hats. I don't know that I've ever used it for function, honestly, other than... It's not just the Cubbies. All the one.

If it's sunny out, I like to put the Cubs hat on. That Cubs hat will really keep the sun out of your face. I'll talk about baseball hats in general. That'll keep the rain out of your head, but that's true of every hat. I guess it's time for my pick now. How often do you go backwards? Never. I'm phasing out of it.

I still do quite a bit. If I'm riding my bike and it's gone under my helmet, but that's about it. I can't do one of these backwards. I don't know if there are different kinds of baseball hats. When you say baseball hat, do you get all of them? That's the only one i could do so you're wearing a hat it's sort of a dad baseball hat yeah it's like a dad strap with the slide not the snapback yeah it's great hat if it's a pro fit with just the logo like with no gap where it's called the pro fit hats right yeah yeah cannot do that backwards because you look like the big i can't because

you look like the biggest head in the world yeah look like the biggest meathead in the world yeah fitted I used to wear a fitted this won't surprise you at all I'd put a rag up to so my eyes were almost closed and then a fitted duke right over it just on top like this

you let that slide Adam as it would go you let that slide Adam's here oh Adam he went to the he went to the harder school than I did

he went to a worse school than me yeah you were going to fuck me up yeah Adam said Sean would have got his ass kicked for the listeners He went to a worse school than me. Adam said Sean would have got his ass kicked for the listeners. No, I wouldn't have, by the way. With the authority of the Bible.

We don't need to dive into that, but no, I would not have. Fucking Durstcore, dude. I could never do that. Durstcore? Durstcore. I used to have a red fitted maple hat that I wore before Limp Bizkit, and it was like that when they became famous. I'm like, well, couldn't do it. I used to wear white t-shirts and a red fitted maple hat that I wore before Limp Bizkit and it was like that when they became famous. I'm like,

well, couldn't do it. I used to wear white t-shirts and a red fitted backwards hat. I'm taking a cowboy hat with my first pick. Yeah, you are. All right.

So we're going from a hat that you picked, the one that I would wear the most often to one that I've worn one time. Was it at a wedding? I went to a wedding.

Can I? Okay. I was talking to something and you guys got to tell me if this is real. White guys love dressing up like cowboys to weddings, huh? It's a good. Well, okay.

So a little context here. But like. I do think so. Yeah. I do think so. I'm going to say yes. It's true, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I do it. Does that not carry over to the black community? No, not at all. But I've just seen it enough times. If you're.

I've seen it from friends who told me, it's like in a secret part of your heart's world. It's like, you've never set any cowboy aspirations to me ever. Ever one time. Never in my life. And then you pull up to a wedding. Sam Talent does it. Adam's got a bolo tie at a wedding.

I see you guys. Okay, so hit us up if you're something other than white or black and let us know if the cowboy thing has creeped into your community. I want to know. I figured it out because I was watching Yellowstone. Oh, yeah. And halfway Yellowstone, I was like, oh, this is like

this is white guy. This is the coolest white guy. So it was my older sister getting married. It is. It's like an exotic. Hold on. Kevin Costner is the coolest white guy? I'm saying it's like white guy cosplay that show. It is white guy. They are like, that's why so many rich white guys are like, they own ranches.

They all buy ranches. And it's like, that's like what it is. You know what I mean? They pay someone to do all the actual work and they get in there two bales of hay and then they're like, I earned this scotch. Right. Like that's that shit. And I'm not even saying anything

wrong with it. I'm just saying that's what I've discovered. A little context for my cowboy cosplay. The wedding was in Joseph, Oregon. Someone told me I couldn't, so I did. Which is, it was on a giant cattle ranch. It was out there in the country. So I was like, if not now, when? And I did a polo tie. I took my dad's

Stetson. Actually, to be fair, I also didn't wear the Stetson. My dad wore the Stetson the whole time. But that is yet another white guy doing cowboy cosplay. My dad loves cowboy cosplay. Bro, it's like a thing. Maybe I'm not supposed to say. He has long guns. I don't know what that means.

Like rifles. He's got like peacemakers. He's got like long that are like a 30-yard stick. From the 1800s where he bought like a cowboy gun that he'll go take shooting every now and then because he likes it so much. He's a Jew from Brooklyn. He was born on Coney Island. The man. Everybody loves the cowboy.

Everybody loves a cowboy. It's so it was fun to do, but I wore that hat once. It felt right. It felt right with the outfit. It felt amazing. You tapped into something. I tapped into something that I have no right to tap into. Are we? Is this recording? I hope they can see how wide your eyes are. I tapped into something that I have no right to tap into. Are we, is this recording?

I hope they can see how wide your eyes are. I was very excited. It felt amazing. You look like you just spilled a bunch of Adderall. There's something about it. It wakes up this thing where you're like, maybe I, you know what it's like. Maybe I could make a life of it. I don't start chewing on straw.

I don't think I've ever seriously worn a cowboy hat. I've never put one on. That's crazy to me. You're from South Dakota. You're like, I guess the two of you, you being from Elizabeth and you being from South Dakota,

I've worn a cowboy hat. I mean, I've worn one, but I've never put one on and been like, this is the move. It's always been like a joke or whatever.

I'd like to see it with you. I'm afraid you look too good. I'll wear a giant black one tonight for the recording. All right, we'll go shopping after this while you get ready for the show. Yeah,

go to Shepler's. We're going to get Sean a whole fit. He comes in with spurs. That Makersmark did something to him. That syrup. It's alright if I chain smoke during this whole thing, right? Sean Jordan, it's time for your first and second picks

as it is a serpentine draft. I wish that's how you really were. Man, do I just get silly? We do. Yeah. Oh, man. I don't know if I can just get silly immediately. So I'll go.

Yes, why can't you just? I can, I will. I want to. People are listening. Thousands of people are listening. Like, no, Sean. Shout out to the quarterback series. We ran into a guy at the airport. Oh, yeah. Listening to the listening. Like, no, Sean. Shout out to the dude we ran into. We ran into a guy at the airport.

Oh, yeah. Listening to the show. Like, came damn near. I forget your name because I woke up at 5 and a half a.m. But shout out to you. He almost changed his flight to stay an extra day. Oh, my God. Like, he was like, seriously.

You know what's crazy? We beat the fucking shit out of him. That's what I asked for. That's the place I get recognized the most is airports. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always like some weird time, and you're walking, and somebody's like,

are you David Borey? And rest stops. But that's for my other stuff. Time Square. Shout out to that lady in Time Square. Dana and I were walking through Time Square, and this lady like ran up to me, and I assumed the worst,

because you're in Time Square, and you're like, you're crowded, and I was already on edge. And she held up her phone and was listening to all fancy everything I forget your name too because I to be frank I have a terrible memory I honestly do but shout out I'm going to a camera

shout out to you thank you for doing that these are recording that happened to me I was somewhere with the general one time and somebody came up and recognized me I was like yeah I'm Sean what about it that's good with your father in law yeah because you know this doesn't seem like a real job to anyone nor should it yeah no does to me included yeah yeah it's not i gotta pick a quarterback man uh a beanie stocking cap okay yeah yeah gotta have gotta have one of the big

three i feel like those are the big ticket items the first three that we yeah yeah you got beanies are dank um i still think about that time when I had my beanie down too low and we got on Zoom and Ian's like, be rabid. You're here to join us. And you remember I was like, I'm not in the mood today. Do you remember that? And you're like, I'm sorry. I go, Max has just given it to me and I just, it's funny, but

I'm just not trying to hear it right now. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle it. I didn't know that I stopped. You know the thing about beanies? If I look deep in my heart, man, I've never worn a beanie for an entire day. Yeah, they have to. Like from the morning to the, like the way that I have with the baseball hat, because I had a beanie on and I was like, I just don't,

because I just gave one away. Do you become, is it an awareness of it or is it itchy? My head runs hot. Yeah, mine too. Even like in colorado a lot of times it would be like you wore it to school yeah and then you wore it home because that was when you were going to be outside it's utilitarian yeah but like but or like you know i've worn it like i'll wear it if i go fishing or something yeah but the way that like like i won't

wear a beanie in the house yes does that make sense but i'll wear like a baseball cap i like i like a beanie because for a long time when you skated you could put the beanie in your back pocket and it was like an aesthetic like that was a lot of times i would just bring a beanie in my pocket like christian on putting it on more like pj ladd i'm thinking of like the soy would hang out like giant bandanas pj ladd's wonderful horrible life over a million copies sold yeah he had a beanie and like tom penny would do it, but they look so dank. It's getting a murmur from the skateboard acknowledgement. It's getting a murmur from

both Adams. I knew it was a good cut. I knew it was a good cut. Sean didn't want to give it to me. Because it's my fucking pick. I looked for my validation outside the marriage. I'm moving Beanie to David. I'm doing it. I'm moving Beanie to David. You gotta pick a different thing. I'll pick a different. I'll get fucking silly as you want to get. I've moving Beanie to David. I'm doing it. I'm moving Beanie to David. There's a difference. You gotta pick a different thing.

I'll pick a different. I'll get fucking silly as you want to get. I moved Beanie to David. You gotta do a different thing. No, I don't want Beanie. I'm moving it back to you. Yeah, I don't want it. That's my thing because I never worn one all day. There's a difference between a Beanie and a stocking cap. A Beanie doesn't fold. A Beanie is just one that you pull. It's flat, right?

Well, I'll get into it, but a stocking cap is one that you pull up. I'm saying these are the same hat. No. No? Well, to me, stocking cap is like to that you pull. It's flat, right? Well, I'll get into it, but a stocking cap is one that you pull up. I'm saying these are the same hat. No. No? Well, to me a stocking cap is like to get your waves. Try to focus this time. I thought that was a do-rag. There's also a stocking cap. No, a do-rag is like skin tight. Now we're saying all the things.

What if I pick it next? What's a stocking cap? A stocking cap. A stocking cap you fold. It looks like it rolls straight down. I'm going to look it up for you right now. I found a beanie's a stocking cap? A stocking cap. Finn, is it the same material? It looks like it. A beanie just pulls straight down. Hold on. I'm going to look it up for you right now.

I thought a beanie and a stocking cap on a cookie. Shout out to Canada. Shout out, come see us at the Randolph. Like Fred Durst. Fred Durst wore it just pulled down. There's no fold. But that's just the whole thing, right?

How do you mention Fred Durst four times? Because I fucking like what he's... I like what they're doing right now. They're having a fun little renaissance. Ooh, Limp Bizkit. They're having fun, man. He's wearing goofy shit. They're doing all their hits.

I heard he's real upset about Robert Durst from the Jinx. Is that like they get confused with each other a lot? Let me see. Oh, so that's clear. It's like an under armor. Like an under armor. It's made out of stocking. Yeah.

That's sheer. That's different. Well, that's different. I love the cultural exchange on this show. Yeah. That's a stocking cap.'s sheer that's different well that's different i love the cultural exchange on this yes it is yeah that's a stocking cap that's a stock okay but what we're taught like when i wrote the way i wear a beanie i do the heavy roll it sits above my ears that's still it is it is but also this is a 490 beanie christ almighty but yes that's what you're talking about that's a beanie too yeah right yeah i would say the ones that I'm talking about though well that's just the way

you wear it we're talking about when I think beanie I think it's just it's one like the logo is that you can't fold it up like it you it's just a flat hat that if you rolled it up it wouldn't work for that hat that is also we're just talking about your personal style here. That's how you wear, but these are both beanies, no? It's got 380 episodes talking about my personal style. Let's keep going. Next pick, pick number two. Up just a little.

Can I go? Yeah, let him get the heat off. All right, get it. I'm just saying point of order, right? You guys, there's a car accident outside. You also get the one with the little fluff ball on top, right? Yeah, you get the uncircumcised one. Yeah, the uncircumcised one.

From the early 90s? Now I'm going firefighter hat. What the fuck is going on? Because I thought of it at the airport, and I was like, it's so silly. Did you think of firefighter hat? Is that what you thought? Firefighter hat, the big helmet thing. With the big medallion on the front?

It is a good hat. What makes you look on the front? It is a good hat. What makes you look like a dinosaur? It is a good hat. They're amazing. Here's a question. Nine inches. Very nice. How come that's the only person who wears that kind of helmet?

I don't know. Because other people wear helmets. They do. I don't think it's super practical. But is it better? Is it? What is it about? It's got to be some sort of flame

you would think so i don't want to start saying other kinds of helmets right because this is difficult this is difficult but there are other lines of work and i'm not even saying football but like right where if you work in a certain job imagine if they all had firefighter another warm day on the gridiron boy it's in the military or any other thing you're also wearing a helmet or like work in construction or whatever. Sorry to say pics, but you have another kind of helmet. And then firefighters have their own kind of helmet? Their own huge.

But here's the thing is, and I don't mean to be a fashion diva. Yeah. You need a big giant jacket to complete that look. Yeah, that's a good call, actually. If you're just wearing that helmet without giant, you look insane. You need a big silhouette all over it. You can't wear it with like a zoot suit. call, actually. If you're just wearing that helmet without, like, giant, you look insane. You need a big silhouette all over.

You can't wear it with, like, a zoot suit. Yeah, yeah. Well, no, you could wear a zoot suit. You could. You picked the wrong suit. But, like, yeah, I don't think you could just wear it. Like, I'm not going to ride my bike with that. No.

Unless you're wearing a zoot suit. Unless you're riding your bike to the zoot suit ride. The zoot suit rides. I don't think I've ever had a firefighter hat on. Zoot suit ride it. Zoot suit ride it. For charity that bike throw the throw the into a gear something like that into a gear i've worn a firefighter hat we shot uh when i was riding i was 39 no 37 i was 37 38, I was fucking this firefighter.

I was like, give me the hat, bro. Yeah, you let me wear it. We were doing a Keurig commercial that I was helping Corden punch up, and we shot it at a firehouse. And I was like, can I wear the hat? And they were like, of course you can wear the hat. I wore the hat.

I held the hose. Doesn't make it sound any less like I had sex with this guy. There was no pole. I can't even imagine what would happen if I tried I held the hose. Doesn't make it sound any less like I had sex with this guy. There was no pole. I can't even imagine what would happen if I tried to hold that hose. I held the fucking coffee. Why do we? No, no, no, no. They're gnarly, aren't they?

What do you mean you can't? It's just a hose. It wasn't on. It was on. I just picked it up. I just picked it up like, whoa. He couldn't handle the power. How big this hose is. Yes, he is.

I'm turning into a centaur. You guys take it for granted. It's a big ass hose. You guys seen other hoses, right? Firefighter hats. You just drafted a hat you've never worn. I haven't worn a lot of hats. We'll find by the end of this. All right. I get tested. I haven't worn a lot of hats. We'll find by the end of this.

Alright. I gotta go. Very funny. For sexually transmitted diseases. On a bus today, I saw it said... You were on a bus today? I saw it on the side of a bus.

Boise. On the side of a bus on the way to the airport, it said, did you know you can get rid of hepatitis C? No, I did not know that. I didn't know it either. I didn't know that. I didn't know you could or couldn't, but I definitely didn't know you could. I thought you had it for, I thought you had it for over. I thought all the heps were till death.

Hep C is like, that's the one from Dirty Needles and stuff. That's the Tommy Lee, I think. Yeah, and then hep A is poop only like. You get it from poop? Yeah, they say kids get it a lot because they'll mess with their poop I messed with my poop a little bit

I can't say facts on this podcast are we allowed to talk about it I thought we were transitioning I thought this was a fact it is

I thought this was a fact you're not curious about your poop full piece of gum in there you're like what is that I bet you should I put a full piece of gum after I poop

I put it in there you can't touch your poop because it's acidic because it'll burn your fingers yeah you poop because it's acidic. Go on, what is that? Your poop is like alien blood. It's like the blood from aliens? I just watched that. It's going to burn through the whole plane. You have to fuck in a metallic drum.

Fuck, you have to poop in a fucking metallic drum in your backyard. And then the government comes and picks it up every three weeks. No personal toilets at your house.

It's too thin. What's that? That's my shit barrel. My shit's acidic, so I got to shit in the shit barrel. Due to an ongoing lawsuit, Pepsi Cola has to come pick up your shit. Didn't you get arrested for trying to dump it in the river as toxic waste? Once a week, Rocksteady and Bebop roll by and pick up my shit. Yeah, that's the secret of the ooze is that it was Sean's shit.

That's what happened to all those glowing planes. It wasn't a manufactured defect. You just shit in the planes. All the secret of the ooze is that it was Sean's shit. That's what happened to all those Boeing planes. It wasn't a manufacturer defect. You just shit in the planes. You just shit in the planes. All the way out the bottom. Doors are flying off because it's so corrosive. Just land on some car. For God's sake.

In Barstow. Just a hot sauce and blue raspberry Mountain Dew firing out of your ass. Speaking of fire hoses. Man, I've been drinking so much Baja Blast Zero. I'm sorry for ever coming at you. Damn. I had those. They have it with the zero calories.

So it's good for you, basically. It's actually good for you. You're losing money if you don't drink green juice. I had the Baja Blast Doritos the other day. You had the Baja Blast Doritos on the plane today. It's like somebody who has a crystal ball and watches me all the time just got a job at Mountain Dew. And they're just like, let's just make stuff. Or like if they

gave a child a child a child wants some Willy Wonka style contest. Hey Johnson come in here Mountain Dew's hurting. What does your six year old

want to see us do? It's like a blue it's a big situation happening in I want a blue Dorito. I want a blue Dorito. A blue Dorito. Hey make me a blue Dorito.

Firefighter hat. Firefighter hat. Full blue Dorito? Give me a blue Dorito. Firefighter hat. Firefighter hat. Full of blue Doritos. Good hat. Good hat. Good fit. I'm going bucket hat. It's still on the board.

I got to take it. Yeah, you got it. It's top talent. It took everything in me to not bring the bucket hat on this trip, and I still don't know. Why didn't you? It's so nice out. I don't know why. I don't know why.

I wouldn't want to wear a bucket hat in the rain. I was afraid it might get too hot. And I've been conditioning my hair a lot. And I kind of wanted to let the curls, you know, before I get a haircut. What is conditioning? I don't wash my hair. Does it give you volume? Is that what conditioner does?

Well, so my hair is starting to thin a little bit and creep back. And so I got this biotin conditioner that kind of thickens your hair. Oh, I got a buddy you should talk to. He brought his whole shit back. Did he bring his whole shit back? He'll be here tonight. I will talk to him. I don't think it's ever going to go all the way. Huh? I just a buddy you should talk to. He brought his whole shit back. Did he bring his whole shit back? He'll be here tonight. I will talk to him. I don't think it's ever going to go all the way.

I just like saying minoxidil. Minoxidil. Let me get Rogaine, but I don't want the minoxidil. It's just starting to thin a tiny bit, which makes sense. I'm 40 this year, but I'm just enjoying the curls right now. Yeah, you got them up. I like that. Chest hair out.

Chains. I got eyes. Playboy. Chest hair out, chain. I got eyes, playboy. Yeah. So I didn't leave the bucket, but I am a, starting right about this time of year, I'm a bucket hat all the way through until probably around mid-October.

Does Dana ever give you like the, please don't wear the bucket hat? All of baseball, you can wear a bucket, I feel like. I'm a bucket hat during the baseball season, boy. Dana loves the bucket hat. I have a very supportive wife.

It's interesting. Laura told me I look like a character when I Dana loves the bucket hat. I have a very supportive wife. It's interesting. Laura told me I look like a character. What'd she say? I came out with a mustache. It was right after we recorded. I walk out and she's like, a mustache, huh? And I was like, yeah, I think it looks good. And what'd she say?

I think she's like, you look like a character. From what? Like you're joking. She didn't say it. Just like, you look like a joke, I think. So I was like, okay. Is that what that means? I thought character could be a good thing. like, you look like a joke, I think. So I was like, okay. Is that what that means? I thought character could be a good thing.

Yeah, you're a real character. If you were, maybe you had to be there, but if you had heard it come out of her mouth, you'd be like, okay, so shave it. You look like a character. She wasn't even smiling. I'm just like, it was our anniversary night. It was. So that's on you, dude.

It was made very clear to me, like you say, in no uncertain terms, don't have the mustache for a dinner dinner. That doesn't mean you can't try to steal a bass. It's just, don't do it. You got that's on you it was made very clear to me like you like you say in no uncertain terms don't have the mustache that doesn't mean you can't like try to steal a base it's just don't do well you got pudge behind though you know there's a plate there staring you down yeah she wasn't feeling it i think it looks dope but i think it looks good too but maybe not on your anniversary night i'm telling you it was the shortest I've ever had a mustache, probably. Yeah. Wait, what? Oh, the shortest amount of time. Oh. Mine doesn't get that big, so I keep it. I feel like I could keep mine because it's not ostentatious. I'll admit to this right here on this podcast in front of my friends.

I got a push broom. I'll do the Hitler for about an hour. Of course you do. Just to stick it to him, right? Of course you do. Nobody's at home. You just stare down and you're like, look at me now. I'm still here.

You're not. You sign into Xbox Live. I'm fine me now. I'm still here. You're not. You sign in to Xbox Live. I'm fine signing in. Get down. I'm like, I'm gonna check in. I'm a modern woman. I FaceTime my grandma. I play Xbox Live. I get fucking like... Go on.

Nobody's home. You go play some chess in the park. I do it all, dude. Yeah. I do it all. I'll do the butthole, the goatee sometimes. And it is crazy how much of a prick you look like.

You look like a prick. Some people can do it, though. It is. Yeah, some people can. Some people look really cool with goatees. Who? Brad Pitt looks all right.

Not a lot of white dudes look good with it. I'll say it. Yeah. Yeah. Who is it? Delroy Lindo's got a pretty dank one, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tougher on a white dude. There's a lot of black dudes who look cool. I don't look a lot like Delroy. Black dude, bald goatee, pretty cool. That's a cool look. White dude, bald goatee.

Gail's birth of a nation. You're counting shit! And there's a silent G before it. I'm making fun of it. I was at a point in my head. I'm taking it back. I don't like what it stands for. There was a point in my head where I was like, do. I don't like what it stands for. I was there.

It was a point in my head. I was like, do I tell them he's black or is that worse? That's worse. Let's go. Let's leave. Oh, yeah. If he just gets my back real quick. No, no. He's all right.

He's one of the good ones. Yeah. Goatees don't work. The bucket hat, though. It's just a phenomenal hat for the summer. Not everybody looks good in a bucket hat. True story. It's such a, it draws, you don't have looks good in a bucket hat. It doesn't matter, though. It's true.

It's a story. It draws. You don't have to look good in it because it's its own thing you're looking at. I think, well, you want to look good in it. Some people look bad in a bucket hat. It makes some people look really silly. Yeah. It can make you look really, really silly if you're not about your business.

You have to be fully wearing that bucket hat. You can't even have 1% of you. Don't dabble. Yeah. You can't even have 1% of you. Don't dabble, yeah. You can't even have 1% of you being like, should I be wearing a bucket hat? You need to be 100% in a bucket hat. It's like when you wear a purple shirt,

and you're like, should I be wearing a purple shirt? People can smell the fear. I brought a spare bucket hat to Vegas, gave it to Johnny Mac. That's right. That was a good move. You can look in the bucket hat if you dress to it. I did in Vegas.

I had that pink polo, turquoise shorts, and the PBR bucket hat. Kind of clown car-ish, but it felt like a decent look. We were a clown car that week. Yeah. Landon did a shot at the airport in Portland, and then I went home and Laura was like, are you drunk? I'm like, yeah. And then I tried to convince her that it was like,

that was from last night. What do you want? I did a shot at the airport 20 minutes before I got home. Hasn't even hit your stomach yet. yet oh what a lion piece of shit boy that was the last time though that that was because we had the time i was like i go you're right you're right i yep just one of those ones where you gotta take it you're like that was me with a petulant right i was like trying to test my boundaries because we had just had Max and I was trying to see what I could get away with. Petulant indeed. Did I use that right?

Yes, you did. And I realized that I can't get away with that. She would have been just past her first birthday, right? Yep. I believe, yeah. Her shit head dad showing up showing up drunk with a PBR bucket hat. There's my one-year-old dad. Here she is, I'll watch her.

I'll watch the child. I'll watch the child. Hey, kid. Hey, kid. How many times has Max seen Tombstone? Does in utero count? Does in utero? I'm talking about heard it in the womb. Had it on.

It doesn't. I try not to put adult stuff on when she's chilling at what age did you make that decision because when she's born and you just got to be set out that she's crying you throw on a movie right or she's sleeping on your chest yeah i'd put headphones into the roku remote so i oh interesting yeah but you watch you can put headphones right into the roku remote i also didn't know that wow would it go to like six months and then you're like i should actually now be cognizant of what i'm watching maybe she shouldn't watch boogie nights again yeah it was like swearing that i

noticed when i was in the car like mother fuck stuff like that and then she'd be like what what happened i'm like nothing i still when i do it now she'll say what happened i'm like everyone sucks at driving is what happened i say it just point blank like that she needs to know i will she needs to know if i have a kid i will raise them with the proud new york jew lineage of swearing loudly you fucking asshole like that i was passed down to me by my parents and i won't pass it down to them hey and a kid who swears yeah 50 50 charming or delinquent it depends on the speech i've never seen the charming version i've seen i've seen kids swear where i kind of liked it i've seen some cute and where they giggle yeah they're not supposed to do it but their parents like you get, you get to cuss once a day.

But I also remember kids who like swore and smoked, and it's like, this is, you got to pick one. Maxine already smokes, right? So you're not going to let her swear. It's a hard life.

She can sit in for me on the cigarette draft. I'm like, Maxine needs some help. Dave, talk about your second and third picks. All right, fire hat off the board.

Second, I'm taking Oh, I think this is the best motorcycle Get rid of the system now I'm taking motorcycle helmets It's just like a cool accessory I remember we had a kid at our high school Who was a crotch rocket kid And he wore the

In high school Yeah, and he d the in high school yeah and he he dweeb so he needed it uh but he would like you're always trying to flick his ears yeah he would like hold the helmet while he walked down the halls for no reason it was just like a cool you know what i mean yeah conversation starter oh yeah i got a jixxer or whatever whatever they are yeah i rode a Yamaha. Yeah, yeah. Can I just say this?

And I'm not part of the motorcycle community at all. Nobody thought. Nobody thinks I am. Very good to look like me who are part of the Harley community, I guess. That's fair. Or maybe the BMW motorcycle community at least. With the saddlebags? The big ones.

The big where you're like, I'm not here to impress anybody. I'm here to ride. Hey, I can't wait to impress anybody. I'm here to ride. I want to get in the Honda Goldwing community. The Goldwing community seems like a supportive community. That's barely a motorcycle. How much would it fuck you up if that turned out to be where the Hell's Angels moved? To the Goldwings!

They left the Harleys behind and they're just like, it's a smoother ride. You can fit so much more crank in it. We're getting older just like everybody else. My back hurts. My old lady's back hurts. I can get all the more crank in it. We're getting older just like everybody else. Yeah. My back hurts. My old lady's back hurts. I can get all the way to Sturgis

without my sciatica acting up. Fit a lot more speed in those. Motorcycle helmets look cool enough on their own. And I'm seeing a lot of accoutrement. You're seeing like cat ears, devil horns, mohawks,

spikes. That makes it look so fucking whack. I think so too. Because it looks dope on its own. It spoils me. And my opinion is not to be all in doll, but when I see that, I find it a little bit corny. And I think motorcycle helmets just look cool as they are.

You don't need to do that. It's all right. Or if you want to do it. Who am I to? I'm not going to. But don't. No, I'm with you. I tried to get a bike helmet the closest to a motorcycle helmet.

Yeah. It didn't work. Don't look at it. Don't look at it. With this pick, do you also get chin strap just the top of the bowl? With the spike? Spike coming out of the top. I don't.

I mean, that's up to you. That's not what I was thinking. Like crotch rocket type. Yeah. But I'll take them all. Yeah, yeah up to you. That's not what, I was thinking like crotch rocket type. Yeah. But I'll take them all. Yeah, yeah, visor. If you had to get a motorcycle, are you going crotch rocket or are you going?

Goldwing. I'm going that World War II Brad Pitt, Benjamin Button. Oh, yeah. Those things are icy. I still like those. Like an Indian motorcycle. That guy with the big ass one.

Yeah. The big black guy. He's always playing Taylor Swift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would get one of those. The big hang guy. He's always playing Taylor Swift. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would get one of those. The big hangers. That guy's having a good time. He has allegiance only to himself.

Yeah, that guy. I love that. Every time I see that, I'm like, why do you got to turn real quick? It's all right. It looks so scary to me. That guy doesn't have to do anything real quick.

Sometimes when I'm riding my bike, I pretend like, I'll put my hands like at the end and I'll pretend like I'm going really wide. You do that. I'm going to do it when I leave here. Feels good. Motorcycle helmet.

It's a great pick. Yeah. And your third pick. Another one I never had. Couldn't pull off. But respect the shit out of it. Shout out to Sean's Uncle Mark. I'm taking a Kangol.

You mean that guy that I stole his M&M's from? A Kangol, huh? It's just such a definitive move. Do you feel it on your horizon at all? Oh, no. I wish. That's not. I don't really wish.

Me and my girl have been going through it. Not going through it, but she's like. She's like. Because she's like. Because she's like. The Kangol Wars of 2024. You just want these ridiculous hats to be ridiculous and i'm like no i think they look cool and you're like no you like

she's like you like that people think they're crazy okay so you're she thinks that you're getting almost a schadenfreude out of like seeing other people enjoy these hats i think maybe there is a little bit of that yeah i think there's definitely a little bit but the point is kangle is like and there was a time, man, if I could have been, if I wasn't, cause you have to have,

there's things you have to have to have a Kangol. Oh yeah. A toothpick. An apartment. Somewhere to live. An ex-wife. A fish tank. There's a lot of stuff you have to have.

Yeah. Legal ID. Yeah. There's like, there's a, there's a kit. You have to have. Yeah, legal ID. Yeah. There's a kit. You have to have had but no longer have a pet turtle. There's a lot of different things that have to enter your life. And it's sort of like, I don't think you can have much of a phase. You sort of got to stick to it for a long time.

I don't know a lot of people who have dipped their toes into Kangol's and then took their toes out of it. I think it's blood out, blood in. Yeah. Can you wear one forward? Yeah, a lot of people do. You do? Yeah. I've only seen them backward. I mean, have you seen

only your Uncle Mark? Uncle Mark. He was the only one who never wore a Kangol. Wild is when you see the really confident white guy in the backwards Kangol. I'm telling you. But like who are wearing it, wearing it. And like style it like a Joe Pantoliano. I'm telling you, black turt, no, no, no. But like who are wearing it, wearing it. Yeah. And like style it like a Joe Pantoliano.

He would wear it. Yeah, it is. I'm telling you, black turtleneck, gray goatee. Wait, what? What? Oh, yeah. What the fuck? Black Kangol, black turtleneck?

I thought he was in sport mode. I did not think about. He's in shape. Black turtleneck. He's in shape. He biked from San Diego to Florida. What? He rode a bike from San Diego. Not in this. Not He biked from San Diego to Florida. What? He rode a bike from San Diego. Not in this.

Not on the Kangol? No, I don't think he had a turtleneck on the whole time. Shaped your nipples pretty hard. Yeah, that's true. I had a whole different idea of who that guy was. How did he move through the world? He was a cop at one point. Okay. At one point. Yeah, he's got a Kangol. He's a character in a Michael Mann movie. He flipped. He flipped. He's got a Kangol. He's a character in a Michael Mann movie. He flipped.

He flipped. He put the Kangol on. He's like, wait, I can't do that. They're like, give me a badge and your gun, and here's your Kangol and your gun. Here's your Kangol and your cane. We'll take your badge and your gun. Did he wear a rocket cane? No.

Okay. That's too much. Yeah. We would have to take another break. Yeah. But you do. you'll see the kangle was an interesting move it's it's just i i and i never seen an australian guy wear one that's the craziest kangaroo golf that's what they wear yeah all the time kangaroo golf i know that's

where you were going and i didn't why'd i need to say kangaroo i wonder if that's why it's called a kangaroo because its mascot is a kangaroo. It's a kangaroo mascot. Is Ian still looking at me? Right there on the head. Is he still staring at me? Right in you. Do I look mean?

Stern. Sometimes. Sometimes I got a mean. I think I have a resting bitch face. You know how to do. You can just look stern when you want. I don't know. Here's me dressed at normal.

You look so mad. I do, right? It's because your eyebrows come down. Yeah, there were times back at the whole crib I'd be like, shit, is it what I do? Sean, you go normal. Go normal? You know what I thought about in my mind? I was like, this is why

I started laughing. I was like, go sicko mode. I'm going to go sicko mode. How often do you tell yourself that in a week? I said it last night. I think right before we walked into the bathroom on the airplane. I don't even know why I said it. I said it yesterday for some reason. Let me go normal.

Okay. You did a sassy little head thing. Yeah, you don't look mean. No, you don't look mean. No, you look a little tired. I'd rather look mean. Laura dropped that on me the other day. I was like, whoa. Yeah, I mean, all it is is telling someone they look like shit oh you look tired you're like

i do feel bad that i said that i didn't mean it like that i just look like when you're around you don't look tired now for instance but like when you did that you're like you looked a little tired yeah i mean i'm yeah i'm tired every second of the day of course your kid blows all right go normal, you look nice Yeah You look like you're done with it Do you all want to do sing in your best voice now? This is a Louis Wayne with a classic This is sing in your best voice

This feels like a mean girl game It is kind of a mean girl game Now put on your best outfit We would sing, in the office we would do Two become one by the Spice Girls. But you don't have to. I don't really know it well enough. When?

Okay, sing Faithfully by Journey. I don't know that well enough either. Come on. Sing Come Through My Window by Martina McBride. Or Melissa Etheridge. That was Melissa Etheridge, right?

I don't want to. You guys aren't, you got gotta pick songs I don't wanna do it What song I can't Great Malenko Do you like the Bodyguard song

I Will Always Love You That's impossible I Will Always Love You Do Don't Stop Believing My best voice here we go This is my best voice and i'm gonna really try okay suck it wait wait i don't know wait wait wait wait wait it's circus life out in the big top world. We'll go round and round in my mind.

They say the road is no place to start a family. I feel like you've done this before. No, I've done it in the office but with two become one You gave me a journey sign I hate this No I'm going to do more than words To say that I love you

is not the That's good You're doing good You called it It's a mean girl game. We're mocking you. She laughed right at me. We're openly mocking you.

More than words is all I ever needed you to show that you love me. Cause I'm already No It's not bad. It is bad. It was bad. Mine's gonna be bad. His was fucking bad.

You brought it up cause yours was kinda good. And I, for the record, nothing worse than somebody who can kinda sing. My dick moved a little bit. The worst person. The worst thing is someone who can really sing yeah okay but I'm one notch below

the person who's annoying at karaoke but you're not like but you can't no offense you can't kinda sing good enough to get into the category I'm talking about I think there's the person where they show up to karaoke and you're like oh my god that was so special and then there's one notch below that where you're like

they have a good voice but it's annoying that they so special. And then there's one notch below that where you're like, they have a good voice, but it's annoying that they're here. And I think I'm one notch below that. Anyways, what's your next hat? Isaac's gonna put himself singing in here. What? Isaac Scott. We got a time thing. I gotta do soundcheck after this. You don't have to sing.

I will say, Isaac, you're hearing this right now. It's a little annoying when you sing a karaoke because your voice is so good. You're not the top notch where it's so special. You're one notch below. Yeah, stop singing and keep trying to make out with the girls at the bar. I still want to go to karaoke with you every single time,

but every time there's part of me that's like, you're showing off. He fucking kills Fall Out of the Way. He can just sing, though. He has such a good voice. Just is what it is. And it's like Adele in that top rank and nobody else. Kengal.

Yeah. By David. If I should stay. This is the rest of it. I will not be lonely. Why don't you try it? You got to swing for the fences. Try the hardest fucking song.

Be in your way. By the way, my wife is also in that Isaac category. Both of them were on like. They can sing? Oh, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, we went to karaoke. Pipes, dude.

You were there. Laura can wail, too. Yeah. She can do the country thing. I was just asking her how you hit that Carrie Underwood where it's like, just like that. I don't even need to explain it anymore. I thought Carrie Underwood was sitting here for a second.

A lot of people thought I wasn't going to take a sombrero this early, but here it goes. Pick number three. A fucking sombrero this early but here it goes pick number three fucking sombrero dude and i'm talking about full regalia full raro full raro dude i'm talking about full raro raro shade dog i'm talking about like the gilding i'm talking about the tassels hanging down i'm talking about like full-blown military dress, beautiful velveteen sombrero on a short Mexican man with a big mustache. Like the Tapatio bottle.

If you must. If you must. I don't know how tall that guy is. I don't know how tall that guy is. I want a fatter dude, too. I want a big, fatter dude with one of those jackets. I want a fat guy in a big hat.

Love a fat guy in a big hat. I want like a mariachi fat dude in a big hat. I love seeing it. I won't wear a sombrero. There's no way in a big hat. I want like a mariachi fat dude in a big hat. I love seeing it. I won't wear a sombrero. There's no way you can. Where am I going to wear that? That'd be funny.

Even in a Mexican food restaurant. What if I told you that like black guys, it's- For weddings? For weddings. Why don't you start doing that? I was like, no, we all just want to dress up like mariachi. You just start going to mariachi to weddings? Oh, that's so dope.

A short little jacket. You're like, I don't get it. It said formal. Is this not what people look at? I'm sorry. It costs $800. These are real diamonds. This is Donna Karan.

What's the cupid? This is a Vivian Westwood sombrero. It's the cupid shuffle in sombreros. It's black weddings. Yeah. I just think it's a phenomenal sombreros. It's black weddings. I just think it's a phenomenal... Have you guys seen the video of Nick Saban doing the Cupid shuffle? No, but that's not great. Get it down, get it down.

Clearly recruiting SEC defensive linemen, but doing with the entire family. He would have got me. I was going to go to UW, but Saban hit that Cid charlesian's not doing the cuba shovel the sombrero i just have so much respect for it from a distance i love it for to be casual too big to be exactly like i feel like i mean i do have that poncho though you do have a poncho twin stallions didn't you buy a sombrero that day you threw it out oh i did buy a sombrero that day? You threw it out. Oh, I did buy a sombrero, but then I threw it into the crowd. That's right.

Yeah, I think it was made out of cat hair. I think all those hats were not. But the poncho I'm trying to bring back to the park soon. I think, yeah. I was saying I want a grill, no shirt underneath. Poncho on. Or just like a tank top underneath. I think maybe after the second show, shirt comes off, poncho goes on.

Right. We see what the evening has in store. I'm the Twin Stallions. That's right. I'm taking the We see what the evening has in store. I'm the twin stallion. That's right. I'm taking the sombrero. I just love it. I love it. I think it's a great hat.

I love when the lid of something is a sombrero. I love when it's the thing that you get to juice limes on and make a margarita. I love a sombrero. Sean Jordan, third and fourth picks. Can I? Okay. No. The music man hat.

You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. It's like an old-timey salesman hat. I don't really know the name of it. Hold on. Let me look at the... It's like a short... Would we call it a trilby?

Are we talking here? There's something called a trilby? Yeah. And yeah, whatever that is. I want the trilby. It's not the trilby. You know what I mean? It's like a straw hat.

A boater. A boater. A boater. Yes, a boater. Yes, it's a boater hat. Yeah, like the guy in Music Man, right? Let me see. Yeah, those things are dope. Yeah. It's called a boater hat Yeah, like the guy in Music Man, right? Let me see Yeah, those things are dope

Yeah, it's called a boater A straw hat Picture the barbershop quartet hat at Disneyland Sipping lemonade on the porch kind of thing It's like the boldest Real birth of a nation Real birth of a nation And it's got a silent G at the beginning, you see

It's like a boater hat Sipping lemonade on your porch. Sipping lemonade. Watching them work. Back when things were simple. Yum. Way up north, sipping lemonade. When have you ever sipped lemonade on a porch?

What are you talking about? I'm just trying to paint the picture the only time you've had lemonade I had the word electric in front of it and it came in a bottle you mean a twisted tea that's what I've seen you drink on a porch you know when you're sitting there with a yellow four loco on the porch

I'm drinking I'm drinking lemonade right now, Playboy. You are indeed. Those hats just look kind of icy to me. What do you think would have to happen in your life for you to be wearing a boater and you mean it? I mean, is it literal? Like, is it like the boat aesthetic?

Like, could I do like a linen shirt, shorts, genoskis, and like a boater hat just out on a speedboat. I'd like to see it. It'd be kind of dank. I feel like it's a summer, so like, linen shirt, a beige linen. I almost bought one the other day at The Gap. They didn't have my size, but... What's your size

that they didn't have it at The Gap? Large. You think the most common size. The Gap doesn't cater to us large gentlemen anymore. Breach that. BTB. Yeah, like a bait and some short shorts, some like all white Janoskis. And a boater hat?

Mm-hmm. Huh? I think so. I'm in. Yeah. I will help. I will sponsor the boat. Let's get on the water, man.

It's fucking gonna be so hot soon. The thing about that is, I think a boater hat is meant for rowing because it's not, it doesn't really stay on your head. Like once you start getting speed, that thing's flying off. It's off it's at lake minnetonka you can't have it on like a cigarette boat no okay we'll go slow i don't know we'll pontoon although that really doesn't go on a pontoon does it you guys do whatever you want i'll staple it on and do it on my

mouth with a chin strap i will we're gonna get to your fourth pick right after we take another short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country. You figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne.

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non-negotiable. Some stuff like you can't, I got buddies, they can't skip leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there, it's really hard to find the time for those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous and I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself,

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to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash allfantasy. Hey, well, welcome back to all fantasy everything. We're talking hats. We've been talking hats for about six hours now. We're about to talk hats

for another six hours. David records his special in 13 minutes. Everyone's here. Everyone's here. Everyone's waiting to watch. I gotta go wash my ass. Sean.

Okay. Sean, take your fourth pick. Tell me if I can do it. Darth Vader's hat. ass. Sean. Okay. Sean, take your fourth pick. Tell me if I can do it. Darth Vader's hat. Yeah, sure. Okay. You know that hat Darth Vader wears? Yeah.

Yeah. It's just dang. But you only, you don't get the face mask. I'm only giving you the hat. So like, Lord, Lord Helmet.

Yeah, Lord Helmet. Oh. I can handle that. Darth Vader, huh? Yeah, the Darth Vader hat. And I was honestly, I thought about Rick Moranis a little bit. I'd take that. It's pretty dang close to a firefighter hat.

It is close to a firefighter hat. You have a type. You like a large plastic silhouette. You like things kind of looking like a penis. Darth Vader's helmet looks like a penis. I'm a sexual dude. I guess so. I guess so.

Big old sexual hat guy. Yeah. Big plastic bad dude. Big, shiny. I wrote about this in my book, so forgive me for... Well, I'm not going to read it, so please. Look, there's an audio book with this voice for 15 hours. Good luck.

Maybe not quite that long. I don't think that long. How long did it take you to... Whenever I listen to a book, I'm like, huh, they read it in like two hours. Why can't I read a book in two years? Three days.

It took me three days to record it. Yeah, it's a long time. But yeah, it's great. How long were you recording every time? Two hour shifts and then you would take a little break and then you go back. It was full days.

Did you screw up a lot? Yeah. Yeah. Were you nervous? When I did Sam's book, I screwed up a bunch. I kept calling Norm MacDonald McDonald's. Norm MacDonald's? i kept saying i said it i said it a million times uh buy tickets to

see us on tour to hear us call shane torres norm mcdonald's you can go to any of our bios to find those tickets darth vader is fat guy stolen valet wow because of the size of his head because everything about him. So they got, they had a skinny guy playing him, wearing all black, a very slimming color, asthmatic,

has breathing problems, another hallmark of the fat kid. James Earl Jones, big guy voice. And brought in James Earl Jones to voice him, right? Simba. They have a fat guy play it.

That's a fat guy. He's the coolest bad guy in the entire franchise. The only fat guy we got was job of the hut. Fucked and Porkins. That was the entire star Wars experience for fat. Porkins. It was a fat. What do you think?

Yeah. The guy who's named Porkins. I love that. That's in the same universe. There's a guy named Porkins and Luke Skywalker, Luke Skywalker and fucking porkins dude and job of the hut on tatooine i love i live on tatooine my name is and then they take all the cool shit about being a fat guy and jam it into the skinny dude fuck off yeah anyway uh you can

have the darth vader helmet yeah i got my darth vader helmet on just chilling do you have a darth vader helmet i could see you owning one of those ones that kind of changes your voice. Put it next to the top gun helmet. You got to get Darth Vader to sign a part of it. Yeah, it is. I'm waiting on that one. I guess, James?

That's 50? Yours? I have no idea. What's the golden? I don't know. I'm not married. It's 50. I don't know if I'll be

And I'm not married tonight. That is one of the fun, it would mortify Laura, but I do it all the time. That comes off pretty easy. Like, Kyle, you want to go grab a drink? I'm like, sure. All right. Fuck it, man. Okay. I'll take the beret. I'll take the beret.

I'm going back to a hat I've worn. I love the beret. I sneaky kind of think I look good in it. That's the feeling I've gotten from you. It's not bad. I think you got good hair.

I got beret. You got one in NOLA? We were together. I got it in Vancouver. Vancouver. You see, we were up in Canada. I think I have beret face. While I have a mustache, I certainly have beret face

the trick is I'm 39 and that's a weird age to wear a beret is it a young guy's beret? I think it's an old guy I was over at Marigold the other night some guy was wearing a beret but he's a cool guy so he also had like a sleeveless t-shirt tucked in. See that's a whole thing that's a whole thing. You think you could go do a set

with a beret on and not mention it? Do a set is crazy really yeah i'd be tough to to not just be like i know i have a beret on and keep moving but i would make the thing that i'm not mentioning it you know you would have to make that the theme of the set or no i'm saying could you could you go out in a beret like you had a baseball for an hour well i don't wear a baseball hat on stage well if you know what i mean though just like the way that you would go out with no like i wouldn't treat it where i don't wear a baseball hat on stage well i do if you know what i mean though just like the way that you would go out with no like i wouldn't treat it where i wasn't thinking about it or yeah or to where you could just be comfortable thinking that no one's i think it would be half

to it would have to be funny i would have to be like it's going to be funny that i wear a beret and don't talk about it right it would be interesting i just i think it's a cool looking hat i think the military beret when like real tough dudes wear like that military beret too. Like the green berets. It's like a shaped beret. This thing. Yeah, it's not a soft beret, but that's like a cool look too.

Yeah, I dig that. Anyway, the beret is my fourth pick. All right. Beret beret. David? I don't know what you call these. I've never worn one. I just like the style.

The band conductor helmet Oh yeah Or the hat where it goes really high Like a big high And then it's got the drum major The drum line dude The drum major hat It's a drum major hat

It's got like the strap The strap that goes right here Yeah and it's got like a little build But it comes down Yeah It's a good looking hat It's a good looking fucking hat Come on

Any hat you could couple with a baton That's a good hat That's a good ass hat Yeah Kangol you put with a cane you know those you can couple a beret with a baton but it has to be imaginary that's the only thing about it the only has anyone but andre 3000 gotten off the drum major hat on a fit i don't think so i don't think so i can't think of any i mean i just keep thinking of drumline and we all collectively were like oh no we all knew it like we all knew what that meant turning to each other in the theater like you don't do that you don't snare another man's drum that's one thing you don't do on dates you do not that's

something you just don't do in that community that is not this is like guy code for real but you don't do that don't do that don't do that yeah they even snapped when that happened too like he spit on him it was it was the greatest thing they did in that movie yeah it really was when they did that it fucked me up that sticks sticks with you. Yeah. That level of disrespect. You don't let another man come into your house and drum on your drum. That'd be like someone running up on stage and telling a joke to the mic you were holding. Yeah. It's fucking nasty work.

You don't do that. Nasty work. That's outside of the rules of warfare. That's ungentlemanly conduct. It was ugly. Unbecoming an officer. So yeah, that hat. Yeah, the drum major hat.

At some point, people had to be like the first time they wore that hat i know that's the first time anything happened it's like a hack stand-up premise or whatever but like picture that they had to have that what i mean they put it together from five different other hats they must have right it was like a whole lot of other shit like a peacocking showing thing right like i mean just to draw attention to there's really no function to have one guy was like i'm about to play the shit out of these drums yeah somebody saw somebody playing the shit on drums and they were in a regular hat and they were like dude you can't i'm sorry but it could be doper bro no no give me a couple weeks i'll be back can you imagine how bad it must feel to be wearing that hat and then play the drums poorly?

You're wearing that hat? I don't think you're going to wail on them. I wouldn't keep doing it if I was playing the drums. Your final pick. Oh, do-rag. Classic, fun, keeps your waves and or braids tight. I had one for a while. I believe it.

Yeah. That is batshit. I never thought that you didn't. Batshit crazy to think that I had a do-rag. I had two different kinds. I had the scully one and then the one with the big. Yeah That is I never thought that you didn't Bat shit crazy To think that I had a do-rag I had two different kinds I had the skullet The scully one

And then the one with the big That you tie I bet it sucked It did I mean it's also like It is technically like an underground Like it's for like Keeping your ways

It's not It's like an in the house type shit Yeah I wore it out of the house You know there was like a lot Cause there's a lot of people Who wear do-rags Who you would never think Who don't Just don't wear them out of the house. You know, there was like a lot. Because there's a lot of people who wear do-rags who you would never think who just don't wear them out of the house. My wife, Dana.

Anybody who has waves or braids. Was it like the diplomats? Were they all wearing them like crazy in all the videos? All right, Sean, relax. Hold on. I'm trying to think of like. All right, Gramps. Was it the diplomats?

It wasn't the diplomats. In the music videos they were in, they had them and they were wearing them and then down to there. No, but wasn't it popular for a long time to have the long, long ones? Wasn't it RBL posse who was wearing do-rags? I don't know.

Churchill didn't approve. I have no idea. This got in and out of fashion. 50 Cent was a big... Oh, big. ...dragging them back. Do-rags and then the big tank tops that none of us should wear. Tank tops are so bad.

They're bad. Yeah, they're gnarly. It's time for my final pick. Boy, there's more hats. A lot of heat left on the floor. Yeah, a lot of heat. There are a lot of hats. I almost have to take it out of just a sense of duty and purpose.

I have to take the Yarmulke. Yeah, that's fine. You know? It's not the hat i need right here keep uh same thing it is exactly the same thing yeah okay now there are some yarmulkes that the sephardic jews wear that are like a more that's when they that's when they're jews going and looking at lions and tigers yeah sephardic jews i thought they were farting a lot. Get away from that gazelle, Jonathan. The gazelle doesn't want you near it.

Picture a gazelle coming to Flatbush and walking up to you. Is that something you would want to encounter? No. Get away from the gazelle. Get back in the Jeep. A yarmulke. Sephardic juice might be my favorite bit. Oh my God, Jonathan, look.

The elephant has a boner. Oh my God. It just says the elephant has a boner. The elephant has a boner. Oh my God. How much blood is in that thing right now? Oh my God. Where is it? Where is all, how much blood is in that thing right now? Oh my God. Jonathan, it looks like one of the Goya Shapoakloins.

Look at it. They look familiar. It looks like your grandfather at the steam room. Okay. All right. I just like seeing a yarmulke. I love, uh,

like showing up at a wedding with a ton of Jews and we're, and everyone's throwing on the yarmulke, like the good old old days like we were showing up for a bar mitzvah. It's nice. It's welcoming to me. Yeah, I'm all for it. I like seeing a yarmulke. Sean Jordan, time for your final pick. Are you going to take the leprechaun hand?

He's just taking a bottle of Makers. Get away from the gazelle. Are you taking the feeling of a whiskey bottle hitting a skull? He went do-rag. I went yarmulke shattered glass on the top of my head something that wasn't a big deal but we turned into a big deal I was uh yeah

I was gonna pick Raiden's hat from Mortal Kombat oh yeah that's a good one the big straw or what are those hats called I don't know I're i don't know what they're called i just had raiden written down uh my name i'll look it up right now you see them for sale at like swap meets and stuff yeah every now and then i'll see someone sporting one i would want it but it's not for everywhere i would wear one like to a farmer's market feels like gardening

bamboo hat something i don't know conical hat the con an asian conical hat they call them that's there's a lot of things on here that i'm afraid to say i see you scrolling that's why i just called it the raid now which still probably isn't i don't feel comfortable saying asian conical hat is the Wikipedia. Okay. Okay. Take that.

Okay. We'll say that. Yeah. That's what we'll call it. Regional names. All right. I think you all know what it looks like. Boy, you can buy them.

They are available for sale under names that are offensively. Can I see just hand it to me? I can put a bunch up for Sue. It feels racist. It's just a racist feeling word, even? I can put a bunch up for sale. It feels racist. It's just a racist feeling word, even though I can't point towards who. I'm not going to say it. None of us will.

Sean? Yeah, I'll fucking say it. Our resident linguist? Yeah. Yeah, I'll fucking say it. You drafted it. Try to silence me, Joe. No, I can't say any of this stuff.

But it's a conical hat? No way. No way. I found it for any of that stuff. But it's a conical hat? No way. No way. I found it for sale under that name. Boy. Which one? The RH? There are those, like, kinds of racism that are just, like,

Fun? So many. No, fun. No, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Malingering, where it's like, that's bad? Where it's like people were saying oriental to refer to things that weren't rugs. Yeah, like, birth of a nation as the pun of your first comedy special.

That too. Yeah, like that kind of thing. They got a lot of different names for those kind of hats. And Sean has drafted it. Wait, wait. How'd that happen? How'd you do that? My Raiden hat.

Your Raiden hat. Yeah, my Raiden hat. Because it looks dank. It's got a point. Was there any point? Yeah. Was there any point in was there any point a point in your taekwondo training well you thought about wearing that hat no no no that in the mr sean

jacket you'd have been upside down i'd like to see the bullies try me today with my conical asian hat did you have any points where you thought about going out and enacting street street justice at night where you were like, I could go and be like a superhero because I'm good at taekwondo? No, I told you I had the anti-bully squad in elementary school. Yeah, that's right. We would roam the playground and stop bullies. Such a snitch.

But yeah. That's all right. Natural helper too, though. That's sweet. Yeah, natural helper. That's the final hat. Drafted. We left some good ones on the board you catch me in an airport i'll go i think i can do justice in an airport because i know no one's got any weapons that's true yeah i can be an airport superhero we left the wizard

hat on the board chef's hat yeah top hat top hat the fucking top hat big f the fedora i wanted to talk about the fedora the big F Sinatra looks great Indiana Jones looks great Brother, come into my house where I have this conversation Every goddamn day Have you thought about it? Yes, and of course not I like having sex

It's cool Patrice O'Neal tried to get away with the fedora He could kind of do it. He got close. But it also wasn't, there was an era, it's these fucking neckbeards who took it. It was a cool hat, and then Jason Mraz and fucking incels took it, and then we lost it.

It got strip-mined. Yeah, and I think it could come back on the back end. I think it's just a hat. These kids don't know about that. It's a hat that requires, that's a good point. They don't know about that. We're getting further away from trauma yeah i think that i think that it'll come back it's it's too good to not it requires context it requires you need to dress like you're about to wear a fedora you can't pair it with a shirt with pardon me raiden on it yeah the worst thing that happened was somebody somebody put somebody put on a fedora

and said my lady and then we all had to go underground for the last 20 years everyone did the whole fedora community they did it with a vest and a fucking epic bacon t-shirt v-neck vest guys with carpenter jeans do not get vest and stay gone no

I don't need that the fez we left on the board the turban koofy. Yeah. There's all, I mean, there's guys. The strimel, which is the big furry wide hat that you see Orthodox Jews

wearing every now and then. Oh, I always call it a babushka, which now feels racist. I don't know. Would a sweatband have counted? I think you could talk us into it. I think a visor.

Yeah, visor, I couldn't pick it. Visor. The anti-hat. Yeah, never liked him. Yeah, visorsors also if somebody was

gonna wear a hat in a position of an asshole it would be a visor backwards upside down listen we all love vince carter it was weird when he did that yeah it was weird the visors you gotta know what you're doing yeah Yeah. I used to have worse. I went through a sweatband face. That's why I was wondering if it counts as a hat. Shaved head, sweatband. You did?

So did Adam. I don't know where he fucking bailed to, but there's pictures of us sitting on the couch, drinking forties. Oh, I had to see that. With our heads shaved and sweatbands on. I thought that was like an ironic,

that was like everyday thing at that time. It was a little bit of both. I didn't not like it. You know what I mean? We like, we knew we didn't look hard, but we're like, well, what's that scene in Black Sheep when they get that song and they're like,

I mean, I can do it if you can do it or whatever. That's what we were doing. Oh, don't you remember you told me you love me baby. Is that what they're singing? Yeah. Baby, baby, baby, baby. I love you. Yeah. That was us. Best voice. Sing it. Your best voice.

Don't you remember You told me you loved me baby You're gonna think I'm fucking with you You don't want to laugh right in his face Like you did to me I think your voice has a lot of I hope this doesn't sound like an insult No I don't

Your voice has a lot of character in it. Oh, so you wouldn't want to go out on a date with it in public. You'd kiss my voice in the basement. Is that what you're talking about? You wouldn't tell your friends about the voice. Yeah. My voice is your weekend girlfriend. I'll call the voice when I'm done at the bar.

I'll come over. You're not coming over. The voice doesn't get to see my house i see the voice's house oh we want to hear your picks what was dope what this is great man yeah yeah we know i'm excited to go to the hotel put on my fucking black shirt have a drink put on a black shirt put put down some black velvet. Why don't we just switch whiskeys all night? Swiskies? We're going Swizz Beatz all night. Don't threaten me with a good time. Do it.

This was awesome. This was really fun. Doing it in person. Shout out to everyone. Wait, wait. We want to hear yours. Hit us up with your picks. All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. And also to the David Borey and the Sean Jordan Patreons.

Yeah, thank you guys. Where you can get access to each of their specials and other ongoing developments. And then the All Fantasy Everything Patreon, where you can get bonus episodes, mailbag episodes, live episodes. There's going to be a bevy of those coming up. It's cooking. Seriously, I was looking the other day. There's over 500.

There's like 560. Am I an asshole? I think there's like 560 posts. So if you sign up now, you get all of them. There's shit on there. It's so interesting because there's stuff like before COVID. It's funny listening to these podcasts from before COVID.

It's such an interesting thing. So we have all those, all the old mailbags. There's pre-roll footage. All the old pre-roll footage. Auction draft. There's a ton of shit. The old live shows. All the new live shows.

Yeah. You know what we need to do before we go on tour is a live stream. Oh, yeah. We should do that. Figure that out. I thought you were going to say that. I was going to make a joke about beating off. Oh, yeah, we should do that. I thought you were going to say that. I was going to make a joke about being off.

Wouldn't work. That's all right. That's all right. I used up all the gas. Come on to our live shows. Get tickets to come see us. Again, those are going quick. There are certain shows we can't add second ones to, so snap those up. We don't want you to be left out in the cold. Also, the Patreon exclusive merch. We sent out a round of hats we're about to do. Have we said what yet? We haven't said what, but we can. No, we the Patreon, exclusive merch. We sent out a round of hats. We're about to do...

Yeah, we haven't said what, but we can. No, we don't say what. We'll tell them on the Patreon. It's a surprise. You'll see on the Patreon. We just got it approved yesterday. Another Trillblazin exclusive. It's pretty fucking sick. It is dank. I really like this one. Shout out to everyone on the AFD Slackity, the AFD subreddit.

Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the ones and twos. Come back to us, baby. We miss you. We miss your beautiful voice. We miss your beautiful hair. We miss your beautiful friendship. Tasteful Nudes available on our Patreon. They're getting less tasteful.

Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. More important than all of that. Tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklackity. Now in your best voice. Do it. Shaklackity.

Ooh. that was a hate gun podcast