All Fantasy Everything - Holiday Foods (w/ Chris Garcia, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

I'm too full to think of an episode description. I'm afraid to burp, because what if it's not a burp? Anyway, Chris Garcia is here.Episode Guest:Chris Garcia @_chrisgarcia IG: @radt...una Podcast: ScatteredSupport the show!Sponsors:Manscaped: Get 20% Off and free shipping with the code ALLFANTASY.Keeps: Get your first month of treatment for free at Keeps.com/allfantasy.Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to a brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Whoa. The podcast. Dude, the podcast is on Comedy Central now. That's what's going to happen if we're ever on Comedy Central. That's exactly what it's going to sound like. Go ahead.
Starting point is 00:00:42 I want to see you launch the rocket Welcome to a brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything the podcast that feels surprisingly stoned even though he hasn't smoked weed since he left his town home in the valley Nice That's a perfect job I've been watching
Starting point is 00:00:58 I like that I watch, I learn, I adapt I can finally take that vacation I've been dreaming of I'm like a Navy SEAL I suck at it Okay you launch it I watch, I learn, I adapt. I can finally take that vacation I've been dreaming of. I'm like a Navy SEAL. I suck at it. People say that. Do you suck at it? Let's hear you.
Starting point is 00:01:08 Okay, you launch it. I always try to sound like you and I get embarrassed. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. You gotta come with a little more fantasy than that. You gotta come with a little more fantasy than that. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fucking Fantasy Everything. Why did you do that? No, it sounds like you're going through a divorce.
Starting point is 00:01:26 You sound like a sad PE coach. Touch the wall, Jordan. Welcome. There you go. You had the welcome part right. Yeah, I was just trying to sound like you all the time. That's all right. I try to sound like you.
Starting point is 00:01:40 If I did it, it would just be like, welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy. It would be real mellow. Is that how it goes up to you? Yeah, I mean, if I did that, I would just be like, welcome to another brand new episode of All Fans. It would be real mellow. Is that how you would do it? Is that how you, if it was up to you? Yeah. I mean, if I did that, I'm not a, I don't yell a lot. You don't want to jump in the pool. You want to walk in.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. That's all right. That's a way to get, hey, we end up in the pool either way. You know what I mean? Everybody's getting wet.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Either way. That's all that matters. I just want to be in the pool. Hot tub, maybe. Chris, you can talk whenever, too. You don't have to wait for us to introduce you. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:03 If you wait, it would be a boring 15 to 45 minutes for you. Yeah, welcome to another brand new episode, folks. All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that has some clothes in a paper bag over there. And I'm not even sure which ones they are, but I will address it after we record. Next to those
Starting point is 00:02:19 Jordans that are... Travis Scott's. Or Travis Scott's that are... No, they're Jordans. No, they're Travis Scott Jordans. Travis Scott. I bought those shortly after popping are another Jordan's. They're Jordan. No, the Travis Scott, Jordan, Travis Scott. I bought those shortly after popping off on Twitter about how I didn't like any of them. And that's, I was like,
Starting point is 00:02:30 what about these? And I was like, nevermind. The sky blue ones. Real dank. You mean the ones that aren't green? Yeah. Or don't have a stash spot.
Starting point is 00:02:38 I mean, whatever. I mean, listen, he's a kid. I'm 32 years old. I put my weed in my fucking pocket. Put it in God's
Starting point is 00:02:48 pocket right in your lungs, bud. I don't fucking need to stash it in my shoe. I might keep an agate in there, you know, down at the beach. I keep a razor blade in there. How about that? I don't know what that is.
Starting point is 00:03:02 I don't know what you're talking about. I've never heard this word in my whole life. It's a dangerous word. I was going to say that. Somebody was just going to stop saying it if we didn't say anything. It's a crystalline rock kind of thing. You find them on beaches. Agates. That is very queer.
Starting point is 00:03:21 That's a great callback. But that's a callback to a different episode. Oh, no. No, we we gotta put these episodes out of order otherwise that sounds like hate speech not now you guys have to hear the other I'll explain it again briefly when I was a kid I was such a little young
Starting point is 00:03:38 Sheldon of a child I was such a smartly dressed little nerd and I probably read the word queer in a book somewhere. So I would just say if something was weird or struck me as odd, I would call it queer. And it, and it like, my mom was like,
Starting point is 00:03:53 she was like, that's what it means. He should say it. But like my older siblings were like, no, we don't want to be at the mall with our little brother. Who's calling everything queer. I would walk into a room and be like,
Starting point is 00:04:03 it smells queer in here. And my mom would be like, very good. That is what that word means. And then my brother Rob would be like, no, no, he tics. Smells like Robin in here. He has to go live in the world at some point. Ian, we're going to talk without mom around one of these days. My brother, who I just recalled, had a tongue ring for a short period of time
Starting point is 00:04:26 he must have been in his early 20s and he came home one day with a tongue ring and I remember it clicking against the back of his teeth every now and then when he was talking it's a bold move it's a crazy thing for a young man to do have you met my brother?
Starting point is 00:04:42 you've met my brother he's very not a tongue ring kind of guy no that's why it seems crazy that we call him bear yeah dude named bear had a tongue ring that doesn't go together there is a type of person named bear who is a bear who might wear a tongue ring when people come but he's like a yeah he's not what you would think i went to this party uh called bear wars once yeah it was crazy well actually i just stayed in the bathroom for a long time and came out and it was bear wars once yeah it was crazy well actually i just stayed in the bathroom for a long time and came out and it was bear wars it was crazy was it the stud do you remember the stud on wednesday nights after the open mic it would be that party bear wars like once a month
Starting point is 00:05:17 and one time i was super drunk i took a deuce in there which was already wild because it was like a there which was already already wild because it was like a that bathroom was for dudes to hook up it wasn't a bathroom to take a poop in and i was just so drunk i just stayed in there for like 20 minutes and then i came out it was like full on that bear wars party that's crazy yeah so i had a beer and then bounced out in san francisco i lived right next to the bear starbucks that was all bears all All employed by bears. Everyone that was there was bears. I gotta go. Yeah, it was wild.
Starting point is 00:05:49 I love anything culture that like will celebrate the bigger dude. It happens so seldom and just like straight dude America culture. Yeah. We had on the show. I just got done filming the old the game on one. We wrestled sumo wrestlers and that's like beautiful to me they just celebrate big fat dudes yeah you know they're like honored in society all they do is eat rice and drink beer and like wrestle all day that's fucking awesome yeah those dudes in
Starting point is 00:06:14 portland one of them was drinking henrock just like holding the shot glass look like a cartoon the sumo wrestler was drinking hennessy yeah and now see at another fucking notch to the hennessy? Yeah. See? Add another fucking notch to the Hennessy belt. You know how a seal wrestler sits too, like real big, legs spread all wide, like taking it all up and he's like talking about how he's trying to get laid and he'd just take a little thimble of Hennessy. That's all you need. It was tight.
Starting point is 00:06:37 You give me a thimble full, I'm going to sew you a shirt. Hennessy's the Navy seal. It's tactical. It's in there. It's got a target. It has acquired the target. It has eliminated the target. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:06:52 Sean Cougar. Melon Jordan on the gram. A lot of those out there. A lot of those out there. Loose cross. Sitting in the chair. It is a looser cross than it was last show. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:59 Snowjam on the horizon. Yeah. Remedy Brewing. I'm doing all your work for you. Yeah. Give him all his credits now. Yeah. By the buck starts here on Remedy Brewing. I'm doing all your work for you. Yeah, give him all his credits now. Buy the Buck starts here on a special thing records.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Yes. And, you know, those are the two things I got from him. SeanJordan.com. What is it? SeanJordanIsFunny. SeanJordanComedy.com.
Starting point is 00:07:14 SeanJordanComedy.com. SeanJordanComedy.Jordan. I'll be in Madison, Wisconsin with you in February. In February. Yeah, over Valentine's Day. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on LinkedIn.
Starting point is 00:07:24 On LinkedIn, dude. I don't have a LinkedIn profile. Yeah, right. Andre Day. Sean Cougar Mellon Jordan on LinkedIn. On LinkedIn, dude. I don't have a LinkedIn profile. Yeah, right. Andre Dawson on Mitchell. Sean saying clown posse on Etsy. NCP. NCP. NCP.
Starting point is 00:07:43 So you will be headlining the Snow Jam Comedy Festival in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Sure will. Mom's going to be there. No halo, hopefully. Woo, halo. Can't say Kelly Jordan in the premise. Are they going to have funnel cake?
Starting point is 00:07:56 I don't know. What? Was that a weird? Yeah, yeah. All right, all right. No, fuck me, okay? You just think any gathering in the Midwest automatically has funnel cake? She gets her halo off in like eight days. My mom's No, fuck me. Okay. You just think any gathering in the Midwest automatically has funnel kick?
Starting point is 00:08:05 She gets her halo off in like eight days. My mom's got a halo on right now. Not because she's an angel because she broke her neck. Oh, sorry. So it's thank you. It's been like three months though. She gets it off very soon. So I told her she can come.
Starting point is 00:08:16 I didn't let her come to my shows for a while. Get that shit off your neck and then you can come see me. Mom, I want you showing up. I said that in the wrong order, didn't I? Halo off. Someone said she could leave the house. She used to come heckle me like I do a bit and she'd be like, it didn't, not like that. It didn't happen.
Starting point is 00:08:33 I'm like, you gotta stop. It's so much better with a halo on. You gotta stop. She really does. That's the funniest thing for your mom to say. That's hilarious. Not like that, it didn't happen. No, I never did that.
Starting point is 00:08:43 I'm like dog. Oh yeah. After this halo thing I was like you can come to every show for the rest of time. You can come heckle me at Remedy Brewing. I don't care. You had a halo on. Amazing dude. I didn't know that about her. Yeah and I
Starting point is 00:09:01 they're all pretty close to the truth but like I might change a name or something. She's like, uh-uh, that was Steve. And I'm like, they give a fuck? These people give a fuck? If it was Steve or if it was my uncle, I have to say who it was for sure. Ridiculous.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Well, come experience it yourself at Remedy Brewing. What are the dates? January 25th. I only have to do one show. Wow. That's pretty gnarly. Yeah, I'm trying to do more, but anyway. Beautiful. Engaged? January 25th. I only have to do one show. Wow. It's pretty gnarly. Yeah. I'm trying to do more, but anyway.
Starting point is 00:09:26 Yeah. Beautiful. Engaged. Yeah. Engaged. I've recently become engaged. Well, congratulations.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Engaged and engorged. Engaged in combat at the Ralphs. He's horny for marriage. I'm going to get you a shirt that says engaged, engorged, and drinking Coors. Yeah. Engaged, engorged, and drinking Coors. Yeah, engaged, engorged, and drinking Coors. And listen, that'd be the worst.
Starting point is 00:09:52 That's awful. That's so terrible. Awful. And I hate to do this, but I could see it in Denver. I could see it in Denver for sure. In Golden specifically, where the Coors factory is. And then it would have like a go back to California bumper sticker on his
Starting point is 00:10:07 fucking Ford Bronco. A lot of Broncos out there. A lot of Subarus too. Dude, Subaru. Portland is a big Subaru city. Yeah, it's Subaru country out there. So what were we talking about? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:21 We haven't talked about this boner the whole time, but yeah, flags of our fathers right there. Chris Garcia in the fortress of Saul dudes. What's up? First time on all fantasy. Everything. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:35 Underscore Chris Garcia on Twitter. Yeah. Uh, what's your Instagram? Rad tuna. That's right. Yeah. As a kid,
Starting point is 00:10:43 I had this neighbor that was like super white trash kenny powers dude and he had a boat called rad tuna are you serious yeah it was awesome that guy seems great i don't know much else about him but i don't feel like i need to i wasn't allowed to trick-or-treat it talk about a guy who was giving out course. That ball went over the fence. He had a greenies one year. Like those old baseball infirmaries. He just gave out nips off a schnapps bottle. Open your mouth, kid.
Starting point is 00:11:13 He let you hit the joint he was smoking. Another one, huh? All right. Rad tuna. Awesome. That ball went over the fence. It just stayed there. It was bad. That house in the sand't, it was like, it was bad.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Like that house in the sand line. You're like, I ain't going to rat. Yeah. Go to rat. That ball's gone. Yeah. Forever.
Starting point is 00:11:34 Uh, you have a, you have a podcast out right now. Yeah. Scattered. Scattered. Yeah. It's been,
Starting point is 00:11:41 it's first of all, it's amazing. And second, it's been getting quite a bit of traction. Yeah. Really dig it's on wnyc right yeah is the is the public that's where you can find it and anywhere uh podcasts are available would you tell people about it get them put them on uh yeah so it's like well i'm really good pitch man. It's a salesman podcast. No, you know, in stand up, I always have talked about my dad and he died a couple of years ago and his dying wish to us to be spread along the coast of Cuba, you know, but my
Starting point is 00:12:19 mom refused to ever go back because she had such a tough time there. Yeah. So it's about that. It's about me. Like, I didn't know that much about my dad because he's like an old school dude and didn't open up that much talk about himself yeah so i just went on this deep dive to learn about him and learned met all these people i'd never heard of and all this stuff and yeah and it's six episodes and a bonus episode with karen will gara from my Murder. Fantastic. But yeah, it's really sweet and it's really funny.
Starting point is 00:12:47 My mom is just like, my mom's hilarious. Yeah. She's just really raw. And I asked her if my dad was alive for five minutes, what she'd say. And she was like, I'd fuck him. I was like, five minutes. How long do you know is enough? she was like you know when it starts you never know what is gonna end and i was like so she's like she's raw she calls she calls me
Starting point is 00:13:15 out for being a cry baby all the time she's like it's really uh it's a good combo. She's really... Fuck him. She's real raw. That's real though. Yeah, that's... That is dope. That is so dope. What else would you do? I know. Give him a hug. Some of you thought
Starting point is 00:13:33 you never had a shot with again. You'd be like, what would you do with the other four minutes? You know what I mean? It might not take long. Just do it a bunch, I guess.
Starting point is 00:13:41 I don't know. Wise woman once said, once you start, you don't know when it's going to end. That's so real. You ever get caught by surprise where you're like, already, huh? Where the movie's already over? Like when you watch Lady Bird for the first time,
Starting point is 00:13:53 you're like, was that really over and a half? You try to act like there's more of the movie left. No, no, no. Will Smith hasn't even drank the NyQuil yet. I can't believe it's over. You just start moving your legs a lot and just kind of keep the rest still. No, we're still doing it.
Starting point is 00:14:09 Totally. I haven't changed one bit. I'm not ready to go. I'm fully present. No, I'm thinking about you for sure. So check out Scattered. Where else can people come see you performing anywhere soon? This will come out before
Starting point is 00:14:26 January for sure. I'm going to be at Sketchfest in San Francisco. The 24th or something? Of January? Yeah, with Adam, Kate, and Holland. And I think maybe Shane's supposed to do it. Shane Torres is supposed to do it. Oh, the big cranberry. Coming out west.
Starting point is 00:14:41 The big cranberry. He wore a cranberry hoodie one time over to Zach's house. Back in Portland. I was like, to Scotty and Zach's like, Big Cranberry, huh? The Big Cranberry. Oh, that's amazing. The Big Cranberry.
Starting point is 00:14:58 If you want to, we'll give you a whole list of nicknames before you go. Oh, there's a bunch. Sad, sadly, Roy Fram. Doc Hollandaise. Jose Conqueso. Wyatt Byrne. Wyatt Byrne. We'll keep making fun of him until he moves to the West Coast.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Yeah, yeah. Then we'll keep, we'll still do it, but less on the podcast. Because we'll be able to get it out in person. Beef oven. Oh, Ludwig van Beef oven. What's that one? Just a beef oven. It's what people thought Beethoven.
Starting point is 00:15:27 I don't know. It's based on somebody's science. I don't even know really, but I love it. Yeah. So Sketch Fest, check that out. And then anywhere else you want to point people towards? I'll be in Austin in March, I think. Hell, man.
Starting point is 00:15:39 Yeah, Cap City or something. Yeah. We're looking at going out to Austin. We're starting to figure out what 2020 is going to be for us. We'll definitely be back in Austin at some point. I think it'd be rad. For sure. It's been too long. Sean needs to puke red wine on the street again.
Starting point is 00:15:54 Damn, dude. We all met at the airport and we were just walking down 6th Street ready to go in. Well, me and Ian were on the same flight. Is that what it was? We were on the same flight. And Sean came in from somewhere else. Yeah, I had some hot wine. I came in from Sioux Falls. Hot red wine on the flight. And I just drank it. I was like, let's get
Starting point is 00:16:09 after it. And then we're walking down 6th Street. I was just kind of talking and just yacked and then kept walking. And David goes, it got on my leg. No, Ian Carmel said it got on my leg. Yeah, it splashed Ian. Yeah, it splashed me like a Claymore went off. Hot red wine on 6th Street.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Amateur hour. Yeah, it was Buck for sure. It was quite the evening. It was tight. Speaking of David Borey. David Borey? Hey! Coolguyjokes77 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:16:42 Do you have anything on the books yet? From when we recorded earlier? From a few hours ago? I've, my December is so open, you know, watch Twitter or whatever. I'll be doing some shows around LA.
Starting point is 00:16:53 Uh, watch my short film, the lot on Vimeo. Yes. It was a Vimeo monthly pick and then a staff pick, which are two good pick things so you know you can find that i think on my instagram bio so my pinned tweet sure official david bori.com you can go there and find it but you know i'm just chilling man probably making some pretty funny instagram
Starting point is 00:17:22 stories i hope between i can I hope, between now and when I try to buy a car. Are you? Oh. When'd you drop this? We'll talk about it after. I don't need my business all in the street, but I got a plan. They're not making Buicks anymore, so there's only so many out there.
Starting point is 00:17:41 Yeah, that's the problem. You know? No, I got a pretty smart plan to come up on something. You know I've never seen you drive a car? Exactly. anymore so there's only so many out there yeah that's the problem you know no i got i got i got a pretty smart plan to come up on something you know i've never seen you drive a car exactly that's wild it's like my id first like my id's in there now so i'm not that's why i haven't been carrying my passport around gotta go get my permit and then my license and then cop a whip damn sick good job thank you uh i'm ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on permit and then my license and then cop a whip. Damn. Sick. Good job. Thank you. I'm Ian Carmel
Starting point is 00:18:07 on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Instagram at Ian Carmel on Jewish Jet Blue Jet Blue Jet Blue You're Jewish? That's right.
Starting point is 00:18:26 100%. Bar Mitzvah and everything. I sure am. that's right 100% I flew JetBlue with Ian one time I've flown it before we flew JetBlue from New York to Minneapolis no from Boston we had to wake up early in the morning and drive from New York to Boston and then fly out of Boston
Starting point is 00:18:43 we had a few days off in the middle of our tour we were doing last summer. And we went to New York City just to do shows, hang out. And this huge storm rolled in. Like the night you were going to fly out, it grounded your flight entirely. Yeah, my shit was cut off to the next day. But we had to be... Where? In Minneapolis.
Starting point is 00:19:00 In Minneapolis to do this with Slug. So I was very... My hero. Atmosphere is my hero. And we were scheduled to have him on the show the next day. And I was like, we got to do it. We can't cancel. All the flights out of New Jersey got canceled.
Starting point is 00:19:14 And then all the flights out of New York got canceled. And mine was the next morning. It got like delayed. It never got canceled, but it got delayed. Delayed so far back. Yeah, but it was like. There was a viral Instagram video where David got canceled. Calm down.
Starting point is 00:19:27 And then we had to, so I had to come back to New York city and then we rented a car at like six in the morning and drove to Boston and then took a jet blue from Boston to Minneapolis. And then we, we sat across from each other, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:43 We were both in the aisle seat and we were just, we were killing the plan. Coach boys as far as I can build. But, uh, but we were, they were, listen,
Starting point is 00:19:52 they were glad we were there. They were, we were, we were busting. We were, we were looking at shots. Everybody was laughing. That is pretty tight.
Starting point is 00:20:00 I had two, like young women in their twenties who were friends, obviously like sitting next to me. Yeah. And they just flipped up their armrests, and she scooched over. They both knew what it was. Yeah, dude. I had a tiny boyfriend and girlfriend next to me.
Starting point is 00:20:12 They just got close. That's what you got to do. Now we're living like first class again. Tiny boyfriend and girlfriend. They were. They were. It's just funny to say. Just sit next to you.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Tiny boyfriend and girlfriend. They found each other doing something tiny. Oh, yeah. Tiny on jeans. Tiny Tune Adventures over there. They were both little. Just watching DaBaby. Yeah. Watching DaBaby. Yeah, tiny guy stuff. I don't have anything to promote either. Listen to
Starting point is 00:20:33 All Fantasy Everything. Watch The Late Late Show with James Corden. Keep an eye on Game On for whenever that comes out. And come see Sean and I at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin. Yeah. Valentine's Day weekend. One of the best clubs. What did you call it last time?
Starting point is 00:20:47 I don't remember, but I love it. It's probably my favorite club. I was talking about the weekend we're going to have. Palentine's Day weekend. Because we're a couple of pals, and you bring your pals, too. Let's make it a thing. I'm not the most romantic comedian to see on Valentine's Day. I'll give you that.
Starting point is 00:21:02 But, you know, that'll be a nice contrast to the dinner you got to before. Yeah, it'll be tight. And the fucking for later. Yeah, fuck later. You know, I do have some kind of an intense energy. That's what you should call your hour. Ian Carmel, you can fuck later. Laugh now, fuck later. I actually have that tattooed on my hand.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Laugh now, fuck later. It's the drama mask and then an eggplant emoji. Both shedding tears, though. That's not a tear on the eggplant. It's jizz is what it's getting at. Now we are gathered here today in the
Starting point is 00:21:39 fortress not only to talk about jizz. Coming out of an eggplant emoji emoji but also to draft christmas specific foods yeah right yeah what is it christmas or holiday holiday the holiday season yeah okay but we're not throwing it i'm not if somebody's if you're trying to throw in some easter foods no no no no nothing like that nothing i mean i'm not gonna call the fucking cops well i have a dialogue about it if there's if a pick. We're going to start a conversation. As it is a medium of conversation.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. I'm shooting up. We play between the three of you and we throw and shoot. So here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oops. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Starting point is 00:22:24 Yes! David wins. No, we both had paper. I'm an odd man out. Odd man out wins. Because there's three. David wins again. Three in a row.
Starting point is 00:22:32 Three rocks in a row, baby. Hot streak, dude. Three rocks in a row. Three rocks. Ask about me. Now, David. Fuck you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Yeah, dude. Serious. I'm going to cross your legs and say that to me. No, I've never done that. That's a cross. Are you crazy? Cross like thing to say. I cross my legs on planes now.
Starting point is 00:22:53 I mean, I will pull my shit up. Like it is not long until you're in that pink newspaper. Just sitting there like I wouldn't say I'm published, but you know, you can find it. You can find it if you dig. Well, what the media's not doing is telling you what good Brexit's going to do. And that's for me. There's actually a lot of different kinds of corgis. You just need to really research it.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Khakis with the original tuxedo. Man. You're telling me, man. Now, David, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it's coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I would like to tell you it is a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? It's a great question.
Starting point is 00:23:35 Well, let's say that you're looking at Christmas lights. You're with your family, whoever, your friends, just driving down the street looking at Christmas lights. You go on all the one side of the street, and you see all these Christmas lights. When you get to the end of the street, you turn around and then you come all the way back the other side and look at the Christmas lights on the other side.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Then you hear there's like a lane about a block over. It's supposed to be more Christmas lights. So you drive up over there and then you kind of do the same thing. You drive and you look at all the lights on the right side. You turn around and then you look at all the lights on the left side and you do that until you've conquered the whole Kingswood neighborhood of Sioux Falls, South then you look at all the lights on the left side, and you do that until you've conquered the whole Kingswood neighborhood
Starting point is 00:24:06 of Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and look at all the lights. The legs crossing really checks out. I don't know if it does. Basically what it means, if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second
Starting point is 00:24:23 round. It's a serpentine draft. I didn't have one until about 10 seconds ago. No, I can tell. You're going to hit Peacock Lane in Portland? Yeah, dude. I just met Regan's tour manager who just bought a house on Peacock Lane. No, that's not specific at all.
Starting point is 00:24:40 Brian Regan's tour manager bought a house on Peacock Lane in Portland, Oregon. Pretty crazy. Wow. I met him at Helium a few weeks ago. Is he very into Christmas? He, so I, cause there's that rumor. So Peacock Lane's in Portland where everybody decorates the shit out of the house.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Like to live there, you have to. So I asked him, I was like, did they put it on there? He said, it's not in lease agreement, but everyone's like, we decorate. So, you know, you'll be doing, he said, they give you the first year is like a kind of feel it out, but then they, they very much expect you to do it. So, wow. Is that worth it? It's dope, dude. But yeah, I mean like around Christmas, there are thousands of people all day up and down your block. And I don't know if I'd be thrilled about it. Well, you have a dark side. I do. I'd be at the comedy store when I get in bad moods. I go to the comedy store for some reason and then and you can't talk
Starting point is 00:25:26 him out of it dark sean i'll go i'll go from here you know where we're at to the comedy store it's like 40 minutes in the morning like i'll be like dude i'm going home just stay here he's like yeah think about it i'm gonna go be around that red light negative energy it's only happened like four times, but because I got a buddy who lives over there who I've known for a long, long time, and he'll get dark with me. So I'm like going over there.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Dark Shahan, I'm going to go kill Tony. Oh, tight. Oh, tight indeed. Oh, it's tight. Tight as the cross. So I'm picking the... Oh yeah, so it's up... Yeah, tight. Oh, tight indeed. Oh, it's tight. Tight as the cross. So I'm picking the... Oh, yeah. So it's up...
Starting point is 00:26:06 Yeah, yeah. I can tell you didn't know if you wanted to keep doing that accent or not. Oh, yeah. So tight as the cross. Oh, yeah. It's your job to pick the order. But before you do, we got to take a short break. Wait.
Starting point is 00:26:18 Nope. Not yet. Not yet. Go ahead and pick the order. Okay. We did the serpentine thing. Yeah. I got distracted.
Starting point is 00:26:24 I ate the sandwich too close to us recording me too i got jersey michael on the brain yeah it's full i got full roast beef brain right now okay so david what is the order going to be it's gonna be me chris sean ian hot corner just a classic c i got that roast beef brain, baby. All right, David, you have the first pick. But before you make that first pick, we're going to take a short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you.
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Starting point is 00:29:16 Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone
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Starting point is 00:33:28 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. Yeah, we're back! Welcome back to ALLFANTASY everything. David Borey, in the holiday foods draft, and by holidays we mean capital H holidays, you were
Starting point is 00:33:44 on the clock. We mean holy days. We mean the holy holidays. You were on the clock. We mean holy days. We're in the reason for the season. My first pick, I talk about it, I love it, Eggnog. God damn it. Number one. I had to know Nog wasn't getting out of the first round. The man postmated it to the house just now.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Come on, I love Eggnog. Will you call yourself agnostic? I mean, I don't like to put a label on it. You know what I mean? But yeah, anything could be out there. I'm agnostic. I like that you can only... It's creeping earlier and earlier into the year,
Starting point is 00:34:21 and I don't like that. Give it to me year-round. I don't care. No, come on, man. That shit's like drinking butter frosting. I love eggnog. I mean, I'd do it. I would drink it in July. That's a crazy thing. While I'm watching fireworks.
Starting point is 00:34:33 That's a crazy thing. What are you talking about? Hot dogs and eggnog. On a hot day? You're going to wash down your steak with an eggnog? You're a fucking maniac. Guys, let's go to the lake. Get a cooler full of eggnog.
Starting point is 00:34:48 Speed around in the boat. Sean, it was your job to bring drinks. What'd you get? Eggnog, bro. You almost have to cut it. I've been playing pickup basketball out in the sun all day. I like to cool off. Here's a spoon for the eggnog
Starting point is 00:35:04 after the basketball game. Don't worry, it's warm. You don't see any other kind of nogs. I don't even know what it means. I had pumpkin spice nog and vanilla nog. But they were both egg nogs. It was like pumpkin spice egg nog. But like, is there some type of like cheese nog?
Starting point is 00:35:19 I hope not. But neither. But that feels racist towards the people of Green Bay. A bunch of cheese nogs. Whoa. Hey, hey, hey. We're going to get on a list. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:33 Yeah. Come to the show in Madison. Cheese nogs. I don't like it. Nogging means head, and they do wear that cheese on their head. Is that what? Well, that's not what nog means. I think nog is like a kind of drink.
Starting point is 00:35:44 A nog. But it's only, egg is the only kind of nog? I think nog is like a kind of drink. A nog. But it's only, egg is the only kind of nog? I'm looking up nog types, and it's going to take me down an Instagram road I don't want to go on. Egg nog. Yeah, it's really good. Do you think it tastes like bubblegum at all?
Starting point is 00:35:58 Anyone in this room? No. Bubblegum? Yeah, it has like a slight little taste of bubblegum to me all the time. I can taste that. Yeah, a little bit. I've never had it with alcohol in it, which is weird because I've had a lot of stuff with alcohol in it.
Starting point is 00:36:08 You've never had it with booze in it? No. Really? You don't want to mix it? It's too much for me. I don't like it with rum in it. I don't even know if I'm opposed. I just, it's never happened.
Starting point is 00:36:16 It's never come up. And I've had a lot of stuff with alcohol in it. So it's weird that that's never happened. All right. They also used to call it. Now you tell me which of these sounds the least appetizing. It's also been called egg milk punch. Oh god!
Starting point is 00:36:30 Egg milk punch. And then there's variations. Baltimore eggnog. General Jackson eggnog. Imperial eggnog. Sherry cobbler with egg. Mold claret with egg. Mold clarinet? Egg sour,
Starting point is 00:36:47 Saratoga egg lemonade. Egg sour? Saratoga egg lemonade is the least appetizing thing I've ever heard. Saratoga egg lemonade, also known as a sea breeze. That sounds like something like rich businessmen used to pay to do to
Starting point is 00:37:02 immigrants. Saratoga egg lemonade. I'm a man of certain tastes. Peculiar tastes. Nog. Nog to the domes. Woof. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:16 That's a great first pick, which means, Chris, it's time for your first pick. Your first pick on All Fans Say Everything. No, I always, usually my family eats we do it we christian or not christian food cuban food but i'm not gonna pick like i'm not gonna put you'll probably get that later yeah i'm not gonna be like yo yuca is anyone in the jordan you were doing you were the you got your toast donuts you guys don't know what Kelly Jordan was whipping up in that midwestern kitchen so I'm gonna take prime rib
Starting point is 00:37:50 damn that's a good ass holiday I'm not even quite sure what it is I don't know either I assume it's the best part of the rib I know it's beef it's gotta be the best part of the rib. I know it's beef. Yeah. It's kind of the best part of the rib.
Starting point is 00:38:05 The prime part. Yeah. I just love anything that you can put. Like, why is it okay to put horseradish on that kind of meat? Yeah. But then on others, it's not really an option. It's frustrating to me. It's an option.
Starting point is 00:38:17 You just need to fucking do it. Because it's great on prime ribs. Yeah, you can get it done. With the au jus? Is that it? The jus is dunking it in there. I had a prime rib the other night we went to what's that spot smokehouse we went to the smokehouse i had a prime rib prime rib is so good that's what we do
Starting point is 00:38:32 that's the christmas dinner food i think for a lot of people that's what we do back at uh back up in portland oregon in the trunk yeah i think it's a real common holiday yeah expensive too to get a big prime rib man Man, it's thick cut too. I've never bought one. I've never made one at home. I feel like you gotta know what you're doing. I feel like that can't be your first meat you cook. Yeah, I think it's an oven cook. It is a
Starting point is 00:38:55 cut of beef from the primal rib. One of the nine primal cuts of beef. What are the other eight primal cuts of beef? Ian's reading my Raya profile. While the entire rib session comprises ribs six through 12, a prime rib may contain anywhere from two to seven ribs. Oh. For sure.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Sure. Sure would. Yeah, man. The nine primal regions, chuck, brisket, shank, rib, plate. Wait, this is more than nine. One, two, three, four Yeah, this is just These are the Wu-Tang members
Starting point is 00:39:27 Bottom sirloin, short loin, flank, plate Tenderloin Those were all ribs Chuck rib, dude I saw Chuck rib He was in the Cool Kids, right? Yeah, oh yeah Chuck rib
Starting point is 00:39:41 I don't know One of you people out here listening Probably knows more about meat than us. Let us know. Let us know. Meatheads. I fucking love a prime rib though. Oh yeah,
Starting point is 00:39:49 dude. Who? Yeah. I love it so much that I love it when you burp it, when you burp later after you've eaten it. That's nice. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:57 They get that salt crust on top of it. Yeah. I think we switched one year from prime rib to something else, and it did not go over well. I can't imagine it would. It did not go over well. Because that's one of those foods, I wonder if it became like a Christmas food
Starting point is 00:40:12 from like back when you didn't really eat like that all year, when like, you know what I mean? Yeah, you couldn't have a prime rib in June. You couldn't have a prime rib all the time. Now it feels like you could go get a prime rib. Like we could go to Tam O'Shanter in July, we'd get a glass of eggnog and eat a prime rib, for example. We sure could, boys.
Starting point is 00:40:28 Okay. But it was like, it's been a long hard year. Let's have this prime rib, you know. But saving up all year. It's the part of the cow that usually only like oil barons and real railroad moguls get to eat. Oh yeah, that's an aristocratic. Aristocratic. Aristocratic?
Starting point is 00:40:45 You got it. Sean Jordan, time to find which kind of Cuban cuisine you'll be drafting. Nice Christmas honey glazed ham as well. Oh you motherfucker. Just the nice. If you want to throw some pineapples on there,
Starting point is 00:41:04 that's always a plus. Right along the nice. Yeah. If you want to throw some pineapples on there, that's always a plus right along the side. But that's, we have two staples. I'm going to pick the next one next if he doesn't. But yeah, just a big old fat honey glazed ham. Your boy Sam Talent made a ham one year with root beer and cherry coke. I bet he kills it. Oh, I hate him.
Starting point is 00:41:19 Yeah, I can see that. Amazing. Sam's sneaky. He's sneaky like that. That's a weird time for you to get oddly racial. I like sneakily good at like it being cooked. I know what you meant. Sneaking in here, taking our jobs.
Starting point is 00:41:37 He's kind of a cheese knock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't like a real A real picnic boy, if you will. He's a hot picnic boy. Yeah, a real ham hock. You like the pineapple on it, huh? Yeah, yeah. Do you like pineapple on pizza?
Starting point is 00:41:54 Yeah, I do now. That's been in the last couple years. Because I used to just take it off the pizza and I would eat it separate, which is what I do for pickles on burgers now. I can't have a pickle on a burger, but I like it in general. You'll take a pickle coin off a burger.
Starting point is 00:42:06 I need it separately. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I don't like the, I don't like the vibe of it all mixing with the hot food. Really? But I,
Starting point is 00:42:13 I kind of like, it's interesting because you love wet food. Usually. Yeah. We just got into this conversation. I'm a wet food, like heavy condiments, you know?
Starting point is 00:42:21 Yeah. Not a, not a pickle on the burger. Uh, recently now a pineapple on the pizza guy interesting there it is interesting developments i love a pickle on a burger it's just like a fun little bam i'm here you're like oh the rest of this tastes like burger and then you get one of those pickle bites it is a good little symbol yeah pickle i have been known sometimes to stop
Starting point is 00:42:43 the bite when i get a pickle and then I will just pull the pickle out with my teeth. Wow. Like scar from the one. Like I'll take the bite, I'll pull the hamburger off, eat that, and then I'm like, there's the pickle hanging out. Look who snuck into my cheeseburger. Then I eat the pickle. I eat the pickle with my mouth.
Starting point is 00:43:00 You poor pathetic soul. Oh, what's that? Pickle in my booger. RZA. That was R Sarah. Oh, what's that? Pickle on my booger. RZA. That was RZA. Oh my god. It's so bad. What do you think it sounds like? Oh, what's up?
Starting point is 00:43:17 That's how it always is. It's so weird. That's a condor. What? That's how your RZA impression sounds. Let me hear RZA. No, I don't have a RZA impression. Well, I do, so calm down. So fuck him and fuck you too.
Starting point is 00:43:33 All right, hit me with your best Bobby Digital. Not now. The B, the O, the B, the B, the Y, the D, the I. Well, anyway, that was all right. That was all right. What if I, that's me not knowing how to spell digital right in front of three of my friends. The D, the I well anyway that was alright that was alright what if I that's me not knowing how to spell digital right
Starting point is 00:43:46 the G the I the G the Y you guys know how it is you know I don't need to do the whole thing the D
Starting point is 00:43:55 the Y the O honey glazed ham first pick beautiful beautiful well shit I mean those are two those last two are two of the big ones Honey Glazed Ham, first pick. Beautiful, beautiful. Well, shit. I mean, those are two. Those last two are two of the big ones.
Starting point is 00:44:10 Yeah, I was happy I got a big one. Those are two of the big ones. Those are like the three big ones with eggnog out of there. Shit. Yeah. All right. Well, number one, I guess I got to go. I got to go heart over head more on this one.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Yeah. Although this one head as well. St. Sue Carmel, my mother listening right now, currently in Las Vegas while we're recording this, I'm going to imagine drunk on gin and tonics. She was in her cups a little bit. It may have been sneaking a menthol cigarette at some point,
Starting point is 00:44:34 something she only does in Las Vegas, pumping money into a, probably I would imagine. Let me get one of them. Cool. Let me get a Lucy play. I'm about to drop 100 in here playing that wheel of fortune one-armed bandit dude uh she makes a rocky road okay and i'm
Starting point is 00:44:52 taking rocky road rocky road is good man just punch you right in the chest it's so fucking good damn it's a little bit salty okay and like the chocolate is not too this is a weird thing but like not too chocolatey it's like a subtle chocolate flavor like a mild chocolate yeah and then like the marshmallows in there it's so fucking good and when i think of the holidays that's probably the thing i think of first it's just so delicious so sue carmel's rocky road she makes it too i'm sure the recipe's been offered to me but i'm a ham grenade. What am I going to make? That's the problem with cooking.
Starting point is 00:45:29 It seems like it'd be hard to make. It's definitely sticky to make. It feels like it'd be a lot of work. There's a candy Rocky Road. How do you describe Rocky Road? It's like a mess of marshmallow, chocolate, and peanuts. That sounds amazing. It's so good. God, it's like a mess of marshmallow chocolate and peanuts oh that sounds amazing yeah like for real yeah i mean it's it's oh it's so good god it's so good out of the freezer it's delicious
Starting point is 00:45:50 yeah out of a tin it's delicious and those are the only two ways to eat it had that though one of the times i've been to the holidays with you you gotta cook it with wax paper yeah wax paper is a big yeah yeah that's that's what that's feeling that's all right now is the wax paper it's the wax paper's m's the wax paper's MVP run. This is where they make their nut, right around this part of the year. I use wax paper in my air fryer. You got an air fryer? What?
Starting point is 00:46:11 You got an air fryer? Yeah, bar mitzvah and everything. Where do you keep it? Townhouse in the Valley? Townhouse in the Valley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flip mode is the greatest. Yeah, yeah, I do.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Flip mode. Flip mode is the greatest. Yeah, dude, the rock is just so delicious i don't really go for sweets too much but that's one of the ones i really really like really like look at me um but my second one yeah i guess i gotta again because prime rib and ham both off the table i gotta go i gotta take it, even though it may be last until later, as I am the only son of Abraham in this room. But I gotta take the vodka.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Gotta take the fucking vodka. That's good. A.K.A. the potato pancake. It is delicious. Eat it with sour cream. Eat it with applesauce. Sometimes I'll mix a little sriracha into that sour cream. Oh, what about with that applesauce? Not with the applesauce as much. Okay, you're right. I'm wild.
Starting point is 00:47:06 That'd be alright. That's the first time for everything. I'm just saying I haven't done it. You know what I mean? Stupid. In front of your friends, you fucking stupid. You're stupid. I like them hard fried. Although some people like them hard fried although some people like them soft fried you know where they come out a little wet and loose
Starting point is 00:47:31 that's probably your type from what I've been hearing all day I'm a wet food man from what you've been living for the last entire time I've known you I haven't seen you put a dry bite in since probably spring of 16 at least at the most recent putting in there. Wet food ass motherfucker. I haven't seen you put a dry bite in since probably
Starting point is 00:47:45 spring of 16. At least. At the most recent. Dry bite in. Most recent. Yeah, it's been a while. You're doing all the work for your mouth before it gets in your mouth. I get it.
Starting point is 00:48:01 You just wanted to have an easy trip down to the belly. Got that fast pass. Slide down yeah you got tsa pre-check for your food i'm over here my food's waiting in line i'm eating captain crunch fucking keep saying it's gonna do it next time it goes to the airport dry raisin bran and shit all right all right uh latkes they're so good i mean listen if you like hash browns you you probably like a latke, but there's more to it than that. There's a little more cohesiveness to it. A little denser.
Starting point is 00:48:29 I don't want to get crunchy, though. Sometimes there's some onion in there. I like anything you can put sour cream on. They're probably playing some, like, because you're at a Hanukkah party, so they're playing some music that none of us really like, but you know. I played Dynasty Typewriter the other day. Yeah. In that Jewish nightclub next next door whatever it is pardon me
Starting point is 00:48:46 there's a jewish nightclub next door yeah now what no i think that's what it was really they were blasting the gila hava but like hava nagila and having a gila yeah but it was like i love that pardon dj israeli mix oh yeah like it was like having a gila but like with like lasers and like israel loves techno music it was techno like techno place it was crazy but then like welcome to ground zero Welcome to Ground Zero. Buzzer! Buzzer!
Starting point is 00:49:36 Bunch of guys blowing off steam from being on desks at CAA all day. I did not know there was a Jewish nightclub over there. Yeah, you gotta get in there. If I'm being completely honest, I don't feel comfortable in extremely and intentionally
Starting point is 00:49:56 Jewish spaces all the time. I always feel a little bit weird. I feel like there's a joke you're asking me to make right now. No, I'm not. I'm not falling for it. i'm not gonna do it like a writer's room or just the world of comedy in general is sort of passively jewish you know what i mean a lot of people are in there but like like when i did a show i did a show last year at uh the jewish fraternity or whatever at usc or it was something like that. Oh, I remember that.
Starting point is 00:50:25 I remember that. And it was fun. It felt like a Jew-ternity. Yeah. Had to pay my Jews. It was a fun show. Everyone there couldn't have been lovelier. The crowd was amazing.
Starting point is 00:50:36 But like every time I'm in there, I'm like, I didn't come up like this. This is like a different, because Portland, I went to like a Jewish middle, like a preschool and kindergarten and whatever. But like later on in life, I didn't went to like a jewish middle like our preschool and kindergarten and whatever but like later on in life i didn't go to like like jewish youth groups or like any of that kind of stuff and i'm always in there i'm like i feel like a little bit of a pretender you know real all these people they all went to like jewish summer camps and day camps together and then they
Starting point is 00:50:58 thought to join a jewish fraternity which is the thing i never would have done in college it's just it's so like i'm like is this the thing about us that's cool? Is this like posters of places in Israel we'll never visit? You know what I mean? Like plant a tree in Tel Aviv. Like that's not really my version of Judaism, but every like sort of college, like Jewish organization, it's kind of like that.
Starting point is 00:51:19 It's just kind of weird. But anyway, yeah, dude, I don't know what original point was. Latkes. That I like. That part I like. All I'm saying is like, listen, if you run a college Jewish organization, put a picture of Mel Brooks up there. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:51:37 Maybe a picture of Brooklyn. Stuff American Jews can really relate to. I lived in the Jewish brat for a summer in college because like i couldn't afford anything it was i think 200 bucks for three months or something so i just straight up lived in the i was the only non-jewish kid in the jewish frat wow uh it was fun the the shower drain was always clogged i just straight up all the way to remember that we were a hairy people hairy boys
Starting point is 00:52:08 bunch of Elliot young Elliot Goulds in there showering oh that's hilarious I lived with a 23 year old Russian Jewish freshman named Vlad and he was like he was super into Top Gun Top Gun?
Starting point is 00:52:29 Like the movie? He had like old posters He wanted to play volleyball He was like into the jets and he did like F14 Tomcat Yeah We had an answering machine in our room
Starting point is 00:52:44 and the outgoing message is like hello this is chris and vladimir leave a message so my friends would call me like uh this little message for uh that was great and i walked it and i walked in on a masturbating three on three different occasions right three and i came home from i was where i had a summer job and i come home at five And I walked it and I walked it on a masturbating three on three different occasions. Whoa. Three. And I came home from I was where I had a summer job and I come home at five o'clock every day.
Starting point is 00:53:10 He'd be that open robe on the edge of his bed. Big ass like compact. And he would just fucking be waxing it when I walked in. I just like walk right into the closet or i just like slam the door or whatever so i looked up i was like he went home every weekend and i was like i gotta see what this fool's spanking is he right oh no he's got a folder it's just like democracy oh my god and he had three bookmarks it was uh it was vlad's bookmarks was the name of the folder and it was uh tales of erotic mind control
Starting point is 00:53:53 and there were stories it wasn't even pictures it was stories of this guy mind controlling going through a burger king drive-thru and he was like ordering food and like telepathically telling that like this lady got turned on by his food order and then getting busy with this girl he writer no no he was he was reading someone else's work it's almost weirder that someone else wrote it and he found it in life yeah wow and then he was of erotic mind control and he had russian lolitas that was the thing just like young russian ladies and then uh i'll never forget this red hot satin latin spunk hungry suck sluts what was the name i was like i gotta remember they could have cut
Starting point is 00:54:39 they could have cut four words out of that. It could have been so much shorter. Straight to the point. One more time? What was it? Red hot, satin Latin, suck hungry. No, fuck. Suck hung. No, red hot, satin Latin, suck hungry. No, fuck hungry, suck sluts.
Starting point is 00:54:56 This is the first time I've heard so many of these terms. That's like a warm up you would do if you were in a theater class. Oh, yeah. Red leather, satin latin fuck hungry. Red hot satin leather fuck sluts. Red hot satin latin fuck sluts. You're leaving stuff out though. Also, what does satin latin mean?
Starting point is 00:55:13 Red hot satin latin suck hungry fuck sluts. Smooth skinned. She was a satin latinist. I gotta know about satin latin. I didn't know that was a term. Red hot satin, lat. I gotta know about satin Latin. I didn't know that was a term. Red hot satin. Latin hungry. Suck fuck. Red hot satin Latin.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Fuck hungry sucks. Shout out to Vladimir. What's up, Vlad? I hope you're listening. If so, send us those book ones. There's like a 40% chance he's been banned from Burger King. It was one of those websites where it was
Starting point is 00:55:47 black in the background and green writing. Like a fucking Ghostbuster ooze font. Sure. That was wild. Shout out to Vlad. Shout out to Vlad. Sean Jordan.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Fucking Vlad, man. Speaking of things being glazed, it's time for your second pick. That's so buck. Well, my second pick is going to be those popcorn tins that you get around the holidays that have cheddar, caramel, and regular corn in there. Which one did you finish first? Always cheddar.
Starting point is 00:56:21 Oh, yeah. Always cheddar. Cheddar's a hot commodity. Then caramel, and I still have 38 years worth of the other stuff that's just sitting. Oh, you never liked the butter one? Fuck no. I didn't like the caramel one.
Starting point is 00:56:31 It hurt my teeth. It's not fair to put butter in there because butter popcorn on its own is great. But like if it's going to be in there with a fucking cheddar in the can, you know what I mean? What am I going to do? Cheddar is the coolest kid on the block. Yeah. What are you doing? That's not fair.
Starting point is 00:56:41 He's a fine gentleman. Yeah. Maybe a dog eats it. You know, what am you doing that's not fair he's a fine gentleman maybe a dog eats it what am I doing maybe I leave it for the fucking dogs Merry Christmas you little fucking dog I feel like you never got
Starting point is 00:56:57 any of that popcorn from the store you always got it as a result of some kid selling it to you for school yeah they were a big school thing it was always like we're raising money for a basketball team would you like some popcorn yeah i would are those kids raising money for a basketball team i don't know i bought oh in san francisco was a hustle for sure yeah right saw all the kids at the fucking ocean avenue bus stop you're there every fucking day bro i know you don't go to school i want to be like all right drop a box in one for me you're dressed so fresh on a brand new
Starting point is 00:57:33 iphone like just like offhanded like hey bro let me get some money for a basketball team like dude you're nine and you're wearing foam puzzles you You're here with your son. They don't have school at 11 on a Tuesday at this school. Just eat and you'll always be a grown man. Hey, bro, do me a favor. Come on, man. There was some little girl selling candy bars at this restaurant in Los Feliz. And Laura gave her the business a little bit. She came up.
Starting point is 00:57:57 She's like, would you like to buy a candy bar for my team? And I was going to. It was like a buck. And Laura's like, what's the name of the team? Asking her what her favorite, like, what's your favorite part of being on the team? And I'm like, Jesus, dude,
Starting point is 00:58:07 how old was the little girl? Uh, could have been running a hustle. She passed the test. I don't think she was, or she's a hustler and she deserved that dollar. But how old was she? 12.
Starting point is 00:58:16 Damn. I mean, you're paying below market for candy at that point. You know what I mean? Who's really awesome. Well, that was kind of suspect though. That's why that was the thing where I was like,
Starting point is 00:58:24 I don't know if I'm going to eat this. I fell off the back of the truck. Hershey's not going out of business anytime soon. Yeah. You know what I mean? Who's really awesome? Well, that was kind of suspect, though. That's why that was the thing where I was like, I don't know if I'm going to eat this. I fell off the back of the truck. Hershey's not going out of business anytime soon. Yeah, you're not going to you're not going to you're not going to usurp big Reese's. Yeah, Nestle's out here stealing water and selling it back to us. You know what I mean? That's what I heard. Fuck that Nestle water.
Starting point is 00:58:36 You should be stealing crunch bars. I said that. What kind of chocolate? Was it world's finest chocolate? I can't remember. It was good. It was dank chocolate. After you're done chewing on that chocolate bar,
Starting point is 00:58:46 chew on this. Zeitgeist. Zeitgeist 2. Shit, we're going to have a day? What percent of cacao was it? Loose change. That's cacao. Watch Loose Change and then talk to me about a candy bar, bro. See what you really think. Open your mind's eye, bro. That's fair. Do you ever combine the popcorn? Yeah. Cheddar and caramel for sure. I'll do bro that's fair that's no that's really fair so you do you ever do you ever combine the uh
Starting point is 00:59:10 popcorn cheddar and caramel for sure yeah i'll do like a handful of each and just kind of mix it up yeah that's where you fuck that's how you slowly eat the other popcorn is you get enough of the other two i've done that for sure where you like you'll put also it spills in sometimes from all the rabble rousing that we do when we fight over it it's a metaphor for america really it's artificial barriers keeping the popcorn from mingling with each other. You pull that out. I just take the white one and I go, this is okay over here, you know?
Starting point is 00:59:33 It can all work. How's that? Pretty nice, actually. Uncle Steve, I'm going to sit you down. I'm going to show you something with this popcorn. You can get through to Sioux Falls, dude. Don't get mad when I put the caramel corn in with the... That's fine.
Starting point is 00:59:54 That's fine. They're going to have brown babies. He's just squeezing bottles of Miller Lite. Knocks it off the table. No! I ain't a communist. Screaming into a bottle of schnapps ands it off the table. No! I ain't a communist! Screaming into a bottle of schnapps and then screwing the lid back on.
Starting point is 01:00:09 Homemade schnapps from Uncle Tim. That's right. My Uncle Tim makes homemade... Oh, shh. My Uncle Tim makes something. Might come up later. Huh? Chris, time for your second pick.
Starting point is 01:00:20 I'm going to go with Gingerbread House. Damn it! I didn't think anybody picked that. I really thought I had that. The most iconic Christmas food of all it yeah i didn't think anybody picked that i really thought i had the most iconic christmas food of all time you didn't think anybody you don't eat it i really thought i could sneak that in under the radar you're not eating it i thought it was gonna go right away or not at all yeah that's kind of it's like i had it on my list but i was not eager to pick it i was yeah i had gingerbread but i i do love though when a gingerbread has a little give to it it's's kind of soft.
Starting point is 01:00:45 Yeah, I don't like the houses because they're too hard, but the men? Yeah, the men. I'll crunch down on those men. It's just like eating decorations. Yeah. I think that's the cool part. It's like something as a little kid you get to eat. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:58 Yeah, you do that. Yeah, this is crazy. This is naughty. All right, Chris, go rip this house and eat it. Yeah. Feels like Willy Wonka movie or something. Like, I could just take this painting off the wall go rip this house and eat it. Feels like a Willy Wonka movie or something. I could just take this painting off the wall and take a bite out of it.
Starting point is 01:01:09 I ate a roof tonight. It feels good. They don't have Garcia coverage and you just take the roof off. No house now. No house in there. This is an act of God. It is fun though. It is fun to eat. I haven't made one. You're,
Starting point is 01:01:25 you're, you're in a longterm. Have you made a gingerbread house recently? We've been doing, it's like the tradition that I started with her family. Now we do it every year. You started it. Well,
Starting point is 01:01:33 we've been doing it. I've been doing it forever, but yeah, I told them, I was like, I mean, I like to make gingerbread houses. They got two young kids.
Starting point is 01:01:39 I'm like, yeah, it's dope. And it's funny watching the kids. They're just stoked. And then like me and her dad and her brother, all of us pretty much were just like, well, I'll be here for a while.
Starting point is 01:01:50 So I don't want anybody talking to me. I'm in my space giving my own tube of frosting. I need all that cock to use. You're like a guy playing poker. You got headphones on. You got sunglasses. Everything. Just a big... You guys have the frosting and a cock gun? It's like in the little pastry thing. I was just saying that to be humorous.
Starting point is 01:02:05 But also, like, I went pretty nuts on the gummies the other day. I was just saying that to be humorous. David, no, no, no, no. This is a comedic meeting. That sounds like something Armie Hammer would say right after he tells a joke. Was that humorous for you? I was just saying that to be humorous. I went and I bought what I thought was my own bag of gummies to decorate with.
Starting point is 01:02:27 And then the kids got their hands on them and I had to stop myself from being like, no, those are my gummies to decorate my house. I was just like, yeah, all right. I guess I didn't want sharks in my lawn. I guess we're all. No, I didn't have a whole water feature with a frog, but no, that's all right. That was your idea of all that in the front yard, not mine. That's not why I went to the Clackamas Town Center today, is it?
Starting point is 01:02:49 I guess that's why you brought him. That's why you went to the candy bin. Fucking child. You don't even have a wallet. You don't even have a wallet. And if you did, there'd be a magic card in it. Yeah, it's a good call. I love a gingerbread house.
Starting point is 01:03:04 Do you eat it when you make it? No, no, I haven't. Yeah. I mean, I've walked. That's a good call. I love a gingerbread house. Do you eat it when you make it? No, no, I haven't. Yeah. I mean, I've watched. That's a bold statement. I'm sure I have, but not in the last few years. But lately. Because we display them all.
Starting point is 01:03:13 We'll put them all up on the fireplace or whatever, and then it's just like fun, you know? Have you ever thrown any curveballs? Made it funny? Like throwing an angle in there? It's a pretty straight ahead gingerbread house. You ever make like a condo or like a leather couch in it?
Starting point is 01:03:26 Single dad condo. That would be so funny. There's like a leased Lexus in front of it. It's just a shoe box with licorice all over it.
Starting point is 01:03:36 There's my gingerbread condo. It's got like a 26 year old. Someone you don't care about named Tiffany lives there. 26 blonde gingerbread woman leather gummy bears everywhere powdered sugar all over the kitchen table
Starting point is 01:03:51 oh my god get yourself together your son is coming over here it is your weekend alright I remember when my dad it was his he stayed at his friend's houseboat for a while, which was a very divorced guy thing to do.
Starting point is 01:04:08 And then, got a condo, and like, it was, me and my sister, and my sister would sleep in a bed, and I would sleep on his leather couch. Oh,
Starting point is 01:04:17 dad! During those summer weekends, dude, when you're just sleeping on leather, and you're just like, you have to peel yourself off of it. Yeah, you'd rather sleep on the floor.
Starting point is 01:04:24 You know? He could have afforded another bed, but that was not peel yourself off of it. Yeah, you'd rather have slept on the floor. You know? He could have afforded another bed, but that was not on his list of priorities. He probably thought you liked it. Yeah. He's like, I like a leather couch. Yeah, he's my son. My dad had an apartment and I just had a mattress on the floor like it was a crack den
Starting point is 01:04:40 or something. It was one of those things. No real light came into the room that he gave me. Broken blinds. It was gnarly things. No real light came into the room that he gave me. Broken blinds. It was gnarly. Because the judge was like, you need a bedroom for this kid if he's going to be there. So my dad's like, fucking fine, I guess. And he got like a two bedroom
Starting point is 01:04:55 and one of them was just a mess. The mattress and a light bright. Nothing in the fridge except a big frozen bottle of vodka in the freezer. Yeah, it was Buck. Taco John's with a walking distance? Yeah. There you go.
Starting point is 01:05:08 Yeah, there was one. Yeah, get out of the house. America's Kitchen. Gingerbread House. David, time for your follow-up to the eggnog pick and as well as your third. It's weird. I'm going again with another drink
Starting point is 01:05:20 just because I only have one. There's another drink? I'm going with hot apple cider. Wow. All right. Come drink. I'm going with hot apple cider. Wow. All right. Come on. I love that. And I only ever drink it in the holidays. Good call. I love a hot apple cider
Starting point is 01:05:33 cinnamon stick in it. You know, it is gross, but this dude I saw did it and you put a little bit of brown sugar and a little bit of butter in it. That doesn't sound. that sounds all right. Butter probably melts immediately. Your face looks weird,
Starting point is 01:05:47 man. I'm telling you, we can try it this weekend. I'm not off it. We can try it this week. All right. Yeah. But,
Starting point is 01:05:54 uh, yeah. Hot apple cider, hot apple cider is so good. There's not much to say about it. It's a little autumnal too, but it really does hit its stride when it gets very cold out. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:02 I think of it as a Christmas thing. Yeah. It's another one of the Peacock Lane situations. They'll have a hot apple cider stand out, and so you can go walk and look at all the lights. It's super fun. You ever drink booze in your apple cider? That's another way you can do it.
Starting point is 01:06:15 That I've done. Me too. That I've done. Have you not done the nog? Not done the nog. You've never had a rummy egg nog? I don't like putting alcohol in drinks that I enjoy without alcohol. Because then it wrecks them. Oh, interesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:29 That happened to orange juice for me, oddly enough. I don't like orange juice anymore. Because of what? Screwdrivers all the time. Screwdrivers? Yeah. Like for the first five years, 21 to 26 or whatever, I'd always get screwdrivers because you don't know how to order a drink yet.
Starting point is 01:06:42 You think you need to. Yeah, let me get 007 is what we used to do, but it was like orange juice, Bacardi O, and 7-Up. That was one. I would order a 007 for years, and now I don't like orange juice that much anymore. Really? I couldn't drink anything that was vanilla-y for a while. I still can't.
Starting point is 01:06:57 Like vanilla Coke? Forget about it. Tastes like it's got booze in it. Oh, yeah. Any flavored of crumb. Any two-fl flavored soda makes me taste alcohol. Coke's making some moves. They have like raspberry Coke. You're like, what are you doing? They got like a cinnamon one too.
Starting point is 01:07:14 Yeah, fuck that. Cinnamon in it. What are those remix machines that Zach's in love with? Those you can get like lime Coca-Cola. They're amazing, but I don't want lime Coca-Cola. There are certain decisions that should not be left to the public. Yeah, so you don't leave it up to me. And they're all happening inside that machine.
Starting point is 01:07:28 Yeah. It's those machines where you can pick, you want Coke, and then it has like nine flavors you can get. Don't mix the syrup in. Cool idea, but just not for Coca-Cola or Pepsi. Give me all the rest. It's fine. It's bright.
Starting point is 01:07:40 Well, you know, it's not up to you. America's built on a lot of people making decisions. You're right. You're right. I apologize. And some people. I was trying to be humorous. Yeah, I was, it's not up to you. America's built on a lot of people making decisions. You're right. You're right. I apologize. And some people. I was trying to be humorous. Yeah, I was trying to be humorous.
Starting point is 01:07:49 I got to stop trying to be so humorous. I said that to be humorous. Yeah, hot apple cider. It's especially good when your hands are hot. You were staring at me real hard when you go, hot apple cider. Hot apple cider. When you're cold and it also acts as a hand warmer. Yep.
Starting point is 01:08:03 Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's also a little bit more for a guy on the go than eggnog eggnog is uh i'm gonna be here for a while oh eggnog is yeah let me let me tell you about how good my high school football team was hopefully it's your last stop of the night if you're like yeah uh and your third pick my third pick is going to be is going to be another drink. Really? That I only have
Starting point is 01:08:29 involved in holiday cocktails. Rum. I sure don't drink rum ever. Rum. For the holidays? Yeah. Well, you're on the Black Pearl in the Caribbean when you're drinking.
Starting point is 01:08:47 Just rum. Hot buttered rum. Well, that's the thing. But rum is also like the alcohol in every tiki drink. Or like in the Cardi Superior down there. I'm just saying. Rum doesn't really strike me as an especially holiday-oriented food and drink. Oh, my God. Fine.
Starting point is 01:09:03 Well, this is a good move. Cranberry Sierra Mist, then. Yeah, that I would take. strike me as an especially holiday-oriented drink. What would this disappear into? Cranberry Sierra Mist, then. Yeah, that I would take. Is that your pick? I'm not saying you can't take it. I love Cranberry Sierra Mist. I'm trying to start a dialogue. They also have Cranberry Sprite.
Starting point is 01:09:17 It only comes out during the holidays. I think it would stand alone well. I'm just trying to have... I picked Cranberry Sprite. I'm trying to just trying to have. During the year. No, I picked cranberry spray. I'm trying to start a discourse, and you immediately punished me for that. No, it's fine. Bye.
Starting point is 01:09:30 I have another one ready to go. Just rum, though. It's only during the holidays. You just drink it during the holidays, but it's also in pina coladas. When have you ever seen me? We drink so often. When have you ever?
Starting point is 01:09:44 Together. When have you ever seen me order a pina colada? Are you serious? Never have. Who do you... I'm not saying... What do you think I'm doing when you're not around? Like, just go and...
Starting point is 01:09:57 Give me a pina colada. Extra rum. Ian's gone. He's at work, bastard you know exactly how I drink every time I go out and drink I didn't think you were off sneaking pina coladas I'm just saying he's at work that bastard
Starting point is 01:10:21 I'll drink what I want today this one's for me Jeff this one's for me, Jeff. This one's for me. I go to the roost. They're like, Cutty, son, shut the fuck up. You bought them a blender so they could make it. Oh. Klingon
Starting point is 01:10:36 coladas for me and all my friends. Carmel's out of town. Carmel's in Portland. You're gonna show up in a Panama hat. When I leave, I'm like, if you tell anybody about this, I'll fucking kill you. You show up
Starting point is 01:10:52 dressed like the end of Silence of the Lambs. I almost want to give you rum. I wasn't talking about your specific rum consumption. I'm saying it's like sort of an all year. You know, it's also like a hot weather liquor, but like, uh, not for me. Oh, that's funny. Oh, I'll allow rum. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:15 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well then I'll take back cranberry Sierra miss. All right, cool. You probably get laid if you do draft all drinks. If you're going all wet, you know, I don't know if I'm going all wet yet.
Starting point is 01:11:27 Chris, time for you a third pick. Oh, man. I'm going to go. You pick cranberry syrup. Cranberry. Cranberry. Sierra Mist. No, I'm going to go with baked brie. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Really? Was that on yours? Yeah, I thought it was going to be on yours. Oh, shit. Really? Was that on yours? Yeah, I thought I was going to do it. Oh, man. I guess that is only a holiday thing. Yeah, that's a pretty holiday. Oh, man. When they get that shit on the top.
Starting point is 01:11:54 That's hot. That's living right there. Damn. You can do it with crackers. You can do it with a pear. Sometimes I like to do it. I'll do it with Latinos. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:12:06 Now you guys got to figure out what a pair means. I lay it out for y'all to play it out. Same sex couple? I don't know. How many of you would want a dick? Persian? I don't know. Dude, I love a baked brie.
Starting point is 01:12:22 It's so fucking good. Yeah, that shit is crazy. When it comes down, someone plops that down out of the oven. Oof. That little knife. Is that the best hot cheese? Do you like a baked brie? I do.
Starting point is 01:12:30 Is that the best hot cheese? It's up there. There's a lot. Hot Swiss is good, too, though. Only hot cheese. Oh, I guess. Or like a sandwich. Or a sandwich.
Starting point is 01:12:40 A hot mozzarella is good. But a baked brie might be the best one. Yeah, I like a baked brie. And it's so easy to make. I've never made it. You just buy the wheel and heat it up? Pie crust, throw the brie in it, wrap it up, wait like 15, 20 minutes. I could mess it up, but it sounds...
Starting point is 01:12:58 I don't know. You can even buy it pre-wrapped. You just throw it in the oven. Whatever takes factors out of the equation. Whatever gets me from A to B is a crow fly. Keep a caveman symbol in there. It also makes you look very classy.
Starting point is 01:13:11 If you pop up, if you like at a house party, you put a baked brie out there, people start tucking in their shirts. You know what I mean? Oh, shit. I don't know what you're going to do tomorrow. I put away the koozie
Starting point is 01:13:21 I brought to the party. Oh, I really misread this. Oh, I didn't know we were dressing up. Your flask that says mommy juice on it. You just put it on. Mommy juice? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:34 We went to Penny's and got holiday portraits. Which, by the way, you guys are getting them in the mail. But we went to Penny's and got holiday portraits taken. You and your wife? Yeah, me and my fiance. His upcoming wife. And there was a blast. One of them said mommy juice.
Starting point is 01:13:46 One of them said sip happens. You took pictures with those? No, they were there in the discount section by where you take photos of pennies. Wait, so there's not going to be a picture of you with a flash that says mommy juice? There will be a painting though. Yeah, sure will.
Starting point is 01:14:01 I am going to get one in the mail. Yeah, you'll get one in the mail. To the townhome. To the townhome. In the valley? In the valley. One will be coming to going to get one in the mail. Yeah, you'll get one in the mail. To the townhome. To the townhome. In the valley? In the valley. One will be coming to the Glendale estate as well. One will be coming to the Glendale address.
Starting point is 01:14:10 Hell yeah. Love a baked brie. Baked brie. Love a baked brie. Love a brie Larson. Brie Larson. Love an Allison brie. Sean Jordan, tell me your third pick.
Starting point is 01:14:19 I'm a brie Olsen. Brie Olsen. Yeah. Love me a brie Pruitt. I'll tell you that. Oh, love us a brie Pruitt. I love me some deviled eggs, which will be my next pick. Man, is that a holiday food?
Starting point is 01:14:29 Yes, for me it is. Okay, Bill Luffin, tell me. Because I definitely think of bringing those to like a 4th of July barbecue. Shit, have I been doing it wrong? I've been bringing eggnog to the 4th and no deviled eggs? Your wires are crossed. Do I not get to pick deviled eggs? I'm not offering a ruling.
Starting point is 01:14:46 Still here in arguments. I got rum. Still here in argument. He did get rum. What do you think? Deviled egg work? As a holiday food? Depends on the... It doesn't look like he's...
Starting point is 01:14:55 Do you have a special plate that you use? Yeah, it's a holiday plate. Like a holiday serving platter. Is that a change-in? What are you going to do? Let me paint you a picture. Let me paint you a picture. Someone has a serving dish.
Starting point is 01:15:07 Like a Christmas tree and the deviled eggs are the ornaments. I think that qualifies. Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining. Wait a minute. You must have been at every Jordan family Christmas since I'm a child seeing that exact scene. I'm on the deviled egg
Starting point is 01:15:22 Wikipedia page. I don't have a wiki page, but Devil Day's do. Are you surprised about that? I'm fine with it. That is the craziest shit I've ever... You mean I don't have a Wikipedia page, but ranch
Starting point is 01:15:37 dressing? The fuck is ranch dressing done for the community? What are you talking about? Devil Days don't have a podcast. Devil eggs are iconic, man. That's why I chose them for the holidays. I know, but you're upset about this Wikipedia thing all of a sudden.
Starting point is 01:15:54 I don't know if we're getting there yet. I don't know if we're getting there yet. What came to light over there? I will tell you in a minute. What other foods? What food would you be, are you okay with having a Wikipedia page that you don't? What's the worst food that you're okay with?
Starting point is 01:16:09 Spaghetti bolognese? I've never thought about food having a Wikipedia page. What about a Reuben sandwich? Does it upset you that Reuben sandwiches have Wikipedia and you don't? No. You're okay with that? I'm okay with that. But deviled eggs makes you mad.
Starting point is 01:16:19 What about corn chowder? Yeah. Yeah. That pisses me off. That sucks. And it doesn't, you don't? Does it have a wiki page of course i don't even have to look what about uh yeah stew any kind of stew what about miracle
Starting point is 01:16:32 any kind of stew i feel like where you think you are versus where you know stew is you know hearts of america has been hitting it for 60 70 years straight god is through the hearts of America. Stu's been hitting it for 60, 70 years straight. It got us through the dust bowl. You have the nerve to talk like that about Dinty Moore? This country was founded on. He's wiling, man. I'm kind of wiling, yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:58 Back to the Devil Leg Wicked Media page. This information helps you. One of the three pictures alright one of the three pictures is on a Christmas wreath themed plate holiday so there we go
Starting point is 01:17:12 I think that's it they decided for us all year round I celebrate the deviled egg I love a deviled egg I've seen it at barbecues every month you haven't been at a barbecue this month yeah exactly you might be there chugging rum every month. You haven't been at a barbecue this month. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:17:27 You don't know that. You might be there chugging rum, drinking pina coladas at a barbecue, popping deviled eggs. Yeah, Sean's not here either. Drinking out of six different cups. I'm way different when you guys are. Are these the regular deviled eggs or the ones with Molly in them? Because I want the ones with Molly in them. Man. Was that David at
Starting point is 01:17:43 the bar? No, he was drinking pina coladas and eating deviled eggs. Of course not. Couldn't have been. Tommy Bahama head to toe. He had Tommy Bahama pants on. That couldn't have been David. They don't even make that. That's 2020 collection. He just knows a guy
Starting point is 01:18:00 in R&D. Those are his last year's sweats. I like a little sriracha in a deviled egg. I like bacon on it. What do they put a little paprika on there? A deviled egg move? I think that's the main move. You talk like you've never had one. What is that?
Starting point is 01:18:16 Paprika? What do they put in a half an egg? Is that a move? Like an egg husk? Is that what's going on? It's called out the yellow, right? That's the kind of football I was doing. I'd wake up and I'd down a few deviled eggs while you were just eating.
Starting point is 01:18:31 That's a different workout. That is for sure a different workout. That was a workout of a dude who did splits in practice for sure. Can you do the splits? Can I throw a deviled egg up in the air and catch it in my mouth right as my dick's hitting the ground when I did the splits? Can I throw a deviled egg up in the air, catch it in my mouth right as my dick's hitting the ground when I did the splits? The deviled egg went like 40 feet in the air.
Starting point is 01:18:52 Oh, my God. Deviled eggs. Excellent. Remember my third and fourth picks, as it is a serpentine draft? Excellent. With my third pick. I tried to sneak it in.
Starting point is 01:19:05 No, you did not. You can't sneak a tuba, you know? You can't sneak a tuba on a plane, bud. Everyone's going to see it. I'm going to take peppermint bark.
Starting point is 01:19:15 Sure. I love peppermint bark. That is very holiday. I love mint. It's maybe one of my favorite flavors associated with candy. And I think that's
Starting point is 01:19:23 the best way to do it. It's got a great texture to it. It's thin. I like how compact it is. You can get it at a... Homemade is great. You can get it at Starbucks. It's just as good.
Starting point is 01:19:34 I buy it from a Zupans or another high-end grocery store. You know? Yeah. What's the other one here? What's that one where we saw the guy from Billions? Gelson's. Gelson's. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:44 Damien Lewis. Also saw Ben Mendelsohn there once. Billions. Also saw Ben Mendelsohn there once. You saw Ben Mendelsohn there? I was with you. Maybe I don't know who Ben Mendelsohn is. Maybe I don't know who Ben Mendelsohn is. But I will say I saw Walton Goggins at Proof Bakery in Atwater Village recently.
Starting point is 01:20:04 I saw Lawrence Fishburne at the weed store. I saw Walton Goggins at Proof Bakery in Atwater Village recently. He'd be one I'd want to walk up and be like, hey. I saw Lawrence Fishburne at the weed store. I saw. You did? At Med Men, yeah. How big is Lawrence Fishburne? Is he huge? He looks like a very dominant dude.
Starting point is 01:20:15 He was bigger than I thought he was. He looks thick. He was buying weed, so he definitely had sunglasses on. It was a weird scene. That's Morpheus that you saw buying weed. I saw Forrest Whitaker at the Best Buy in Atwater in that one whoa what was he buying he's i was getting i feel like you told me this and i said ask the same question i answered the same way he's getting tvs it was forrest whittaker and a couple other dudes and they were buying tvs that's cool yeah to watch
Starting point is 01:20:35 ghost dog on no problem i don't know what else you put on there blood sport it's the only movie i think that he's aware of. Last King of Scotland, Ghost Dog. Last King of Scotland, Ghost Dog. What did I take? Oh yeah, Peppermint Bark, dude.
Starting point is 01:20:50 I love it. Yep. I just like it. I like a little candy cane crunch on there. Yep. I'm with you. And it's just the right amount of, I can't get too much peppermint.
Starting point is 01:20:58 So like a nice little rich piece of peppermint bark is good. And then I stop, put the brakes on for the night. There you go. Maybe I go back in the next day, get some more, but I don't really go nuts on it. Not like David with his rum, you know. I can't stop drinking rum. I'm going to drink some rum
Starting point is 01:21:11 right now. It's a summer drink. It's right there. It's a winter drink to me, man. Is there rum in that bottle? Yeah. The only person to open it was David one night on his way out. Yeah, happy holidays. He was walking out and he grabs it, took a slug. He's like, all right, later.
Starting point is 01:21:29 Do you happen to remember what month it was? Fucking LA. We never do. I don't. I don't. I feel like it was January. You don't know. I don't not know.
Starting point is 01:21:41 You're right. You don't know. My next pick is something I like only really around the holidays and only when it's like kind of homemade because like i need there for beat to be so like is it but it's but it's the but holiday but Because you can get this because this food can go bland so fast if it's in the wrong hands.
Starting point is 01:22:11 But if it's in the right hands, it is so fucking good because it's seasoned perfectly. You're doing this on purpose now. I'm not not doing it on purpose, but I'm also fully explaining my pick. In the right you're doing this on purpose i'm not this is you're doing this i'm not not doing it on purpose but i'm also fully explaining my pick okay in the right hands with the right
Starting point is 01:22:30 combination of ingredients right ratios god damn it what could but what couldn't i say that can also be applied to the butt of this point oh yeah that's the problem that couldn't be applied to the butt uh i'm taking i'm sorry i'm taking a real good Chex mix. Oh. Like a really fucking good Chex mix that's like seasoned perfectly. Some holiday seasoning, whatever the fuck that is. And it's got like different kinds of nuts in there.
Starting point is 01:22:55 I like it when they put Reese's Pieces in there. Oh, that's good too. Or peanut M&Ms. I prefer a straight up savory Chex mix. I don't like when there's sweets in there. Oh, you don't want any sweet. I don't want any sweets in there. Even if it's like a peanut butter, like a salty sweet. I would prefer
Starting point is 01:23:07 it not to be in there. You want like teriyaki. Yaki, yeah. If there's a yaki glaze on there, absolutely. I just love a good fucking holiday where it's like, I don't know, I've had, cause I'll buy it from like prepackaged or whatever every now and then. It's not the same. And I'm like, this isn't as good. But if you go in there, it's just got
Starting point is 01:23:24 like, I don't know, the thin rye crisps. Wow, those are the best. Yeah. Or those like, I don't know, the sticks or whatever they are. Sticks. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:23:31 And then the weird Gardettos thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just love a fucking good Chex. I've accidentally just had those for dinner a couple times at the holidays. I'm like,
Starting point is 01:23:40 fuck, I just ate like a pound of that shit. I just ate a whole Chex. Where am I? Who's got my keys? Obviously somebody took the deviled eggs, so I'm just wailing on the Chex Mix. Busting out a cello on the Chex Mix.
Starting point is 01:23:57 Yeah, so that's my pick. Also goes great if you are having some beers. Yeah. Oh yeah. Perfect thing. Sean, time for your fourth pick. I'm going to pick the fun flavored candy canes that come out.
Starting point is 01:24:10 So like a Jolly Rancher candy cane. Oh, yeah. Like a Sour Patch Kid candy cane. Those ones. Those are the two that really stick out. They have spree flavored candy canes that are out now. I love it because I don't really like a candy cane all that much. You know I love you. In the traditional
Starting point is 01:24:26 sense. Yeah. I'm not going to get my wedding ring tattooed on. I'm going to give it to you straight. I hate those. I hate that stuff. I hate a sour candy cane because I love mint so much. I love it. I hate those. I hate it. I like them.
Starting point is 01:24:42 Yeah. I like them a lot. I don't want something that's both sharp and sour, you know. That's what she said. I'm it. I like them. Yeah. I like them a lot. I don't want something that's both sharp and sour, you know? That's what she said. I'm talking about butts again. Yeah, the assorted flavored candy canes that come out. They're a lot of work, but I still buy them. Or like the fucking Starburst flavored ones? No, no, get it out of here.
Starting point is 01:25:00 Yeah, I'm not into it either. Sour Patch Kids is where I'm going. Not now, not Eva. Neva? Neva. Neva! Neva! Noi! Not noi. Not noi, no Eva. Yeah, I don't into it either. Sour Patch Kids is where I'm going. Not now, not Eva. Neva? Neva. Neva! Neva! Neu! Not Neu. Not Neu, not Eva. Yeah, I don't like them, man.
Starting point is 01:25:10 I like you. I love you. I had a yellow hoodie on one time, and Ian came up, and he's like, with that hoodie, no. Pretty much the same thing you just did with the candy cane. You need that in your life. You need people like that in your life who'll keep you up. You do.
Starting point is 01:25:23 Never wore that yellow hoodie again. I'll tell you that. I went to community college and I wore this yellow hoodie and I was walking through like this quad and this straight up hard ass hood rat went, sup, track runner. He clowned me so hard for wearing a yellow hoodie. I still think about it. I still won't wear any yellow sweaters. It's a super cocky thing to just come out with. Maybe like I told you, you're just going to wear a yellow shirt today?
Starting point is 01:25:54 Damn. Okay. Well, now we're all on our toes. I got a yellow polo that I will only wear golfing. That's it. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, anyway. Sharp, sour flavored candy canes.
Starting point is 01:26:10 Because sometimes they'll be like, they'll be a red one that's sour, you know, or like even like, because sometimes there's like blue minty ones too.
Starting point is 01:26:18 And you'll be like, ooh, candy cane, you know, and then like put it in there and it's like sour and you're just like, well fuck.
Starting point is 01:26:24 I hate the shape of it. I don't think it's a super effective way to eat candy. It's more of a, it in there and it's like sour and you're just like, well, fuck. I hate the shape of it. I don't think it's a super effective way to eat candy. It's more of a, it's a, it's a definitely aesthetic rather than functional. And then it gets sharp. Sometimes it'll like make a weird slit and cut your tongue when you run your tongue. Yeah. Oh, in that hole. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:37 Yeah. You're right. Yeah. No, I like them. Until you kill Santa. That's. All right, Chris, how about your fourth pick? I'm going nuts. I thought you killed Santa. That's it. Alright, Chris, how about your fourth pick?
Starting point is 01:26:49 I'm going to go with nuts. Good old walnut. Basic, but I just love... Or like a nut mix. Nut mix, but especially the walnut. Hot walnuts are so good. I just never eat them. Except for on the holidays. You make them hot?
Starting point is 01:27:05 You eat hot walnuts? I didn't eat them. You can make them on the holidays. You make them hot? You eat hot walnuts? You eat hot walnuts? I didn't know that. You can have any kind of nut hot. You can. I just never thought about cooking it. I do like a hot nut. Oh, it melts in your mouth.
Starting point is 01:27:17 I don't even mean it like that. Just like a hot nut. Like a nut. I like it hot. I'm not saying anything. Yeah, like what? Like a hot nut. It's like a hot nut. They're good. It's a different way to experience a nut.
Starting point is 01:27:26 Sometimes you get them at bars. It's great. The thing about nut is it gets cold surprisingly fast. Oh my god. I wasn't going to do that. That's what we're all doing. I meant nuts. That's what I said.
Starting point is 01:27:40 Pecans, cashews. No, you called it nut. We'll see. It's been recorded. Pecans, cashews. No, you called it nut. Did I really? I called it nut. Singular. We'll see. We'll see. It's been recorded, so we'll go back and find out. We'll see when the episode comes out. The tape.
Starting point is 01:27:52 We'll see. I just love the nut cracker. I love the nut cracker. But not the one in that guy's mouth. The hand one. Yeah, the hand one. Walnuts give me a weird allergic reaction and no other nuts do it's like itchy itchy almonds a little bit but walnuts like in a heavy way give
Starting point is 01:28:11 me an itchy throat yeah yeah it's weird uh cashews i can eat them all day peanuts all that stuff but like walnuts just like can't go down so add that to my Wikipedia What about these nuts? I do like these nuts If you had nuts on a wall Would those be walnuts? I said yes What's the other one? If you had nuts on your chest, would those be chestnuts? I said hell yes If I had nuts on my chin, would those be chin nuts?
Starting point is 01:28:38 And I won't say the rest, but if you want to listen You have a dick in your mouth That's what it is, right? What is that from? The Chronic or Stoop Talk? Chronic I think it Dog? Chronic. Chronic, yeah. Because it's right before, I think it's right before
Starting point is 01:28:47 that little ghetto boy playing in the ghetto streets. Remember that song in the Chronic? Yeah. What you gonna do when you grow up and have to face responsibility? Take us home. Got real quiet in here.
Starting point is 01:29:02 It got respectful. It got respectful here. It gets respectful. It got respectful in here. It gets quiet the way it gets quiet right before an opera starts. Yeah, hot nuts, dude. Hot nuts. Hot walnuts. Yep. Or even a cold walnut.
Starting point is 01:29:15 But walnuts for sure, holiday-esque. Sign me up. David Boyd, tell me your fourth and final picks. Wholeberry cranberry sauce. With the berries on there. With the whole berries. Damn. A little orange peel. Some cinnamon. That shit is fire.
Starting point is 01:29:34 You like the canned stuff too? No. No canned stuff? No canned stuff. I, as a child, decided I didn't like cranberries. And now I like them. When I eat them, I know I like them. But for some reason, there's this mental block in my head. Was it because of the canned stuff? I don't like cranberries. And now I like them when I eat them. I know I like them. For some reason, there's this mental block in my head. Was it because of the canned stuff? I don't know.
Starting point is 01:29:49 My mom would make cranberry chicken, which is delicious. It's so good. But I just convinced myself I didn't like it. Probably because of a minor squabble with my little sister at some point. Or something. She called you a cranberry? Well, she really liked it. And I was just like, well, she likes it.
Starting point is 01:30:03 I hate it. It tastes queer you know cranberries are quite queer mother and I don't I don't like them what a little nerd I was but to I'm glad you like it though
Starting point is 01:30:24 I'm glad you like cranberry sauce I like it with the whole berry though I don't like the I think the can is gross Is it real runny? No it thickens up If you kind of like heat it up The plot thickens
Starting point is 01:30:40 It gives me the dickens of Charles Sounds good I think I'd like it I've never had whole berry shit like that You don't like the plot thickens. It gives me the dickens of Charles. Sounds good. I think I'd like it. I've never had a whole berry shit like that. You don't like the I love the I hate that people
Starting point is 01:30:54 just serve it in the shape of the can. Here's the shit that was clearly in a can 30 seconds ago. And then you just like slice it. I don't like that. It is gnarly. It is so gnarly. They throw it on turkey.
Starting point is 01:31:07 It's delicious. It's not. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it so much. Hard. Like if I could talk about, oh, put a towel on me
Starting point is 01:31:25 this is embarrassing god damn it everyone can see my body I don't even understand why I don't like that voice I have figured out that that voice and talking about a body is one of the grossest things you can do. Like if you just
Starting point is 01:31:48 walk up and you're like, what do you think of my body? Oh my God. It's pretty gross. It feels weird. It is weird. Oh man. Makes me feel like my skin is inside out. Everyone at the whole table can see my body. No.
Starting point is 01:32:07 All right. For my last pick. Yeah. You know what? Bucket. What? It's going down. All liquids.
Starting point is 01:32:17 Nice. Cranberry Ceramist. All right. I was going to say you had to come full circle on it. You can only drink it. And I think it's so good. I don't know why cranberry isn't like a more popular flavor. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:28 But it seems to only be embraced by the holidays. By the holidays and by urinary tract infections. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then otherwise you're like a weirdo for drinking. I like cranberry juice a lot. I do too. Yeah. Give me a nice ocean spray.
Starting point is 01:32:40 I like cranberry juice. I like cranberry juice cocktail. I don't give a fuck. No. No, I didn't think you did. I do like cranberry juice better though. I just like it. I like cranberry juice and soda like cranberry juice cocktail. I don't give a fuck. No, I didn't think you did. I do like cranberry juice better, though. I just like it. I like cranberry juice and soda water.
Starting point is 01:32:49 Oh, yeah. I love a splash of cranberry juice. Oh, a splash of cranberry juice in anything makes it better. Yeah. Vodka, splash of cranberry. Sign me up. You know they grow that shit in bogs. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:32:58 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to put your waders on. Yeah. Up to your nuts and cranberries. And they grow them up in Oregon.
Starting point is 01:33:04 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cranberries. Yeah. I was just looking at an Oregon. I lost my nephew to the cranberry bog on. Yeah. Up to your nuts and cranberries. And they grow them up in Oregon. Yeah. Yeah, the cranberries. I was just looking at an Oregon. I asked my nephew to do the cranberry bogs. Absolutely. Absolutely. Don't go in the bogs after dark.
Starting point is 01:33:12 No, no, no, no, no. You know what the most fucked up thing is? The cranberries were delicious that year. Yeah. Yeah. It's a bummer, dude. So they absorbed his youthful soul. That's right.
Starting point is 01:33:24 Everyone drank that cranberry juice felt five years younger then. The bogs. The bogs. And that's why now every Christmas, we sacrifice a 15-year-old boy to the cranberry gods. It's an honor. Yeah. It's an honor.
Starting point is 01:33:39 And that's just how we do it in Portland, Oregon. Downtown Portland, Oregon. Tigard, Oregon. Tigard, dude. Nice. I'm a Tigard. I tried. Hell yeah. Zigzag. Boring. Government camp. Tannisborne. But anyways, Cranberry Sierra
Starting point is 01:33:53 Mist. Vader Washington. All drinks, motherfucker. The fuck are you gonna do? Come for me. I paid my taxes, bitch. I can... That's also what I say to myself in the morning before I get ready to go.
Starting point is 01:34:07 I paid my taxes, bitch. Come for me. What are you going to do? Whole berry cranberry sauce is not quite a drink, but you can drink it, so I'm not going to quabble. They don't think ranch is a drink, but I definitely like quibble. They tried to tell me the same thing about Thousand Island dressing.
Starting point is 01:34:24 Now they got a drink named after me at the Roost. It's Thousand Island in vodka. They caught me drinking it in the bathroom. Thousand and one islands. The last island is hypnotic. First island, ranch and ketchup. Chris, time for
Starting point is 01:34:41 your final pick. I'm going to go. This is wild It seems boring but it's not Is it bread? Dinner rolls I'm gonna go with dinner rolls That's not boring at all You can use it in all sorts of ways
Starting point is 01:34:56 You can put it in every one of our picks Dinner rolls Except for maybe egg rolls My family prays for a long ass time like before like so it'll be like long 15 minute prayer food's getting cold 15 minutes dinner rolls i just all to the same god it's all to the same god dude like to start praying and so i just always eat the dinner that's when i started let's get sneak a dinner yeah and then my nephew and my nieces they're not all praying with their eyes closed either yeah so we it's
Starting point is 01:35:30 like a nice little tradition where we eat the dinner rolls and uh while everybody's praying while everyone's praying i like that and then one time my nephew and i we wrote we'd always write santa letters from santa to the younger nieces or like the the girls or whatever we'd write these fucked up just funny things to ourselves just write like and i'm like older than i'm gonna just write like fucked up they like oh sorry black tar hero or just like so uh we started putting dinner notes in the dinner. We'd be like, write a little note in the dinner roll.
Starting point is 01:36:08 Before it was a weird little tradition. It was like a fortune cookie. Just write something fucked up. It'd be the top two top roles. We'd like put them out there and then we'd like read them during the prayer. But this one time we had this lady visiting and she was a weird neighbor and she ate. She straight up ate the roll. She she was like she ate the message roll and she just straight up ate paper she didn't like she didn't like take it out and she was just eating she's like and we're like looking at her like that's how you guys made roll
Starting point is 01:36:41 i thought that was like because it was like a fortune cookie sized paper it was like a real small piece of paper she straight up ate this paper and we were like watching her like like dying she was trying not to be rude yeah she was trying not to be rude god that's ridiculous
Starting point is 01:36:57 that's so funny what did it say I forgot what it said black tar heroin so it's like a fun little tradition. And then I just, I love a good roll. Yeah, rolls are good. Butter in it. It's good.
Starting point is 01:37:09 In 2009, the author Michael Lewis wrote an article about Shane Battier, who played for the Houston Rockets at the time. Crazy head. Remember his head? I do remember his head. Shane Battier. It was about how, even though the stats showed up on like in the newspaper, points, rebounds, assists, he wasn't a great at any of them,
Starting point is 01:37:30 but he was so pivotal to every basketball team he was on because he did the little things. Like Ben Simmons? He set screens, you know? Yeah. He'd be in the right place. He was always good on help defense. That's what dinner rolls are, man. No stats all start.
Starting point is 01:37:41 Oh, yeah. It sets the screen for those mashed potatoes. Absolutely. It makes everything else better. Everything else on that plate is better because of the fucking, because of the dinner rolls. Yep, I agree. That's what they are. I'm with you. Sean Jordan, time for your final pick.
Starting point is 01:37:54 I'm going to pick my Uncle Tim's homemade schnapps. Did you say he can make any flavor? Any flavor. He just gets extract. So any flavor that you can use extract in. And yeah, we've had chocolate. I've had watermelon. Cinnamon's a big popular one. Grape is a weird one.
Starting point is 01:38:09 But yeah, any blueberry, bubblegum. We were panning a bubblegum schnapps at High Plains this year. By we, I mean it must have been me and Nick Manpei. Yeah, I wasn't there for that. I thought you were and I thought you were too. I was. You were? Yeah, you got me a shot of that.
Starting point is 01:38:21 Yeah, I did. Where were you guys? At the video game bar or something. Where? There was some bar. I don't know. Some arcade next to where everything was. Oh, you got me a shot of that. Where were you? At the video game bar or something. Where? There was some bar. I don't know. Some arcade next to where everything was. Oh, that was.
Starting point is 01:38:29 Oh, one up. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right downtown. It was delicious. It was so good. Anyway, yeah. I remember this. I wasn't there, but I do remember this.
Starting point is 01:38:37 I missed the whole thing. I was sleeping. I don't know what I was doing. No, you were out somewhere. Yeah, you weren't asleep. We're definitely not asleep. I was howling at the moon. Yeah, and he brings it in place past the shit right you guys we all it's kind of like an unspoken we you know because nobody's gonna
Starting point is 01:38:51 drink a whole bottle of chocolate schnapps yeah and feel okay not that we feel amazing after playing past the shit with the cornucopia of right you know pine of peppermint schnapps once it's that makes me so bummed to think about. I was just young. It's like 20 probably. Young, dumb, and full of peppermint schnapps. I was 20 and I was staying at my parents' house and there was like nothing to do and they just had
Starting point is 01:39:15 some schnapps. It was like I went to visit them for Christmas and I was just like nobody was up. I was just like schnapps. Young, dumb, and full of rum. David Boris. Is schnapps rum? It's liqueur, right? Yeah, I just wanted to say rum.
Starting point is 01:39:32 Is it technically a liqueur? I don't know what it is. I asked Mr. Schnaps over here. I have no idea. Mr. Schnaps is my dad, please. Call me Schnaps. I'm Schnappy Junior. I'm Dr. Schnaps. Dr. Schnaps. Dr. Schnaps. I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 01:39:48 Yeah. Right. I mean, you can get shots of it. Can't you? If ours, can you get like shots of Midori or whatever? Strong alcoholic drink,
Starting point is 01:39:58 drink resembling gin and often flavored with fruits. Yeah. I think it's, has he made any weird flavors of schnapps where he's like, this is cranberry or not cranberry. This is macaroni and cheese schnapps. Stuffing, yeah. Tapatio schnapps. No, I can't think of any.
Starting point is 01:40:14 Ranch schnapps. We've done it with Tabasco sauce in, like we've taken it and put like Tabasco sauce in shots of like cinnamon. Oh, like a prayer fire? Yeah, to make it real gnarly. And it sucks. Sriracha schnapps?
Starting point is 01:40:25 It sucks. Yeah, it's for schnapps. Yeah, it'sacha schnapps? It sucks. Yeah, it's for schnapps. Yeah, it's for schnapps. Schnapps. Schnapps. Oh, there we go. Schnapps. Schnapps. Time for my final pick, the final pick of the draft. I'm going to take
Starting point is 01:40:40 those sugar cookies that are just covered in frosting that have various Christmassy themes. There's bells, Santa Claus, reindeer. And that's what I need out of a cookie. That is what I need
Starting point is 01:40:55 out of a cookie. I hate a crunchy cookie. I like frosting all the way to the edge. I like Nutter Butters. Yeah, those are crunchy. Given a choice between a soft cookie and a Nutter Butter, I will take the soft cookie every time. Yep.
Starting point is 01:41:09 I love that texture. I don't know why. All the way to the sides. You know those Tate's cookies? You know those are all crispy? You don't like a crispy cookie? Oh, those are really thin. They come in a green bag.
Starting point is 01:41:19 They're like really crispy. Oh, those are good. Those are good, but I love the soft cookie so much more. I just love them. Here's my problem with the sugar cookies. You can't fuck with those and milk. It's not the same experience.
Starting point is 01:41:32 You're right about that. You are right about that. They lack the structural integrity. Yeah, because they're so soft. However, but they also don't require the milk. If you're in the field, like I often am. That's true.
Starting point is 01:41:46 You're out on assignment. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Man hours. Footwork. You're not eating these cookies behind a desk. Grassroots. Burning.
Starting point is 01:41:54 Feel it. Feel the earth. I'm out there knocking on doors. All right? Pounding the pavement. Pounding the pavement. Talking to people. Pounding the flesh. Keep your head on a swivel.
Starting point is 01:42:01 Press on the flesh. Oh, gerrymandering. I wore my wreath. I went up to the ground. I went to a nine pair last year. You know? Oh, yeah. No on the flesh. Press on the flesh. Oh, gerrymandering. I wore my waifu. I went up to the ground your ears to the trees. I went to a nightcare last year. You know? Oh, yeah. No malarkey. Call me Double Deuce. Yeah. Out there, dude. Jay Inslee.
Starting point is 01:42:14 Jay Inslee. I'm gonna need some cookies. Bet I need some cookies. I like those sugar cookies. I like those sugar cookies. If I'm at like a Christmas party and I see a plate of those, I'm going to eat one. And I'm going to walk back over and eat another one. And then when we're leaving, I'm going to put two in a napkin.
Starting point is 01:42:33 Who are those for? Not me, but you know, someone. The Uber driver gets hungry. It's the season, so yeah. So that's the final pick. That wraps it up. We did it. David, you went first.
Starting point is 01:42:44 You took eggnog, hot apple cider, crumb, whole berry cranberry sauce, cranberry Sierra mist. And I'd mix any of the two together. Chris, you went second. You took prime rib, gingerbread house, baked brie. Oh man, this is a strong draft, dude.
Starting point is 01:43:02 Mixed nuts, but especially walnuts. And then dinner rolls. Sean, you went third. It's getting us full, by the way, I feel like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. baked brie oh man this is a strong draft dude yeah mixed nuts but especially walnuts and then dinner rolls sean it's getting us full by the way i feel like yeah yeah yeah the rest of this is a headache for sure like but like a real it's just a date with your butt sean you took a honey glazed ham one of those popcorn tins deviled eggs flavored candy canes where like in your argument you were like, yeah, they have spree flavored ones. That candy that I assume even during the depression people
Starting point is 01:43:30 were upset. Oh, that's dust pool candy for sure. And then homemade schnapps. You bounce back in a big way. I went last. I took Rocky Road latkes, peppermint bark, real good Chex Mix. And then my final pick was a sugar cookies with a heavy frosting all the way to the edge.
Starting point is 01:43:45 We left some stuff on the board for sure. I didn't leave a ton on the board. Tomato soup is a holiday thing for us, but that don't count. Do you love tomato soup? Fudge. Oh yeah, fudge. Can't do that anymore. No, I didn't have anything. Oh, my mom makes this pumpkin bread that's pretty good. Nice. I like a hot toddy.
Starting point is 01:44:01 Spanish coffee. Solid. Green bean casserole. For that again, you can do anytime. Rum ball, but it is holiday-ish. Yeah. I thought when you picked ham, your next pick was going to be scalloped potatoes. It was going to be, but I was wondering if that was holiday or not, but I love them. They're definitely on my list. I think that's holiday.
Starting point is 01:44:15 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they rule. Excellent. Well, listen, AllFamily, we want to hear yours as well. So please hit us up, AllFantasyPod on Twitter or AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. It's on the internet. That's right. Please hit us up, All Fantasy Pod on Twitter or allfantasypodcast at gmail.com. It's on the internet. That's right.
Starting point is 01:44:29 Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. We're literally about to record a watch-along first Wednesday of July. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Chatting, talking. We see you. Moving, shaking. Yeah, playing pepper.
Starting point is 01:44:42 Shout out to everyone on the Shaslackity. Shaslack. We love you out there. Thank you for Pepper. Shout out to everyone on the Shaslackity. Shaslack. We love you out there. Thank you for listening. Shout out to super producer Marissa Meldick. Happy Canadian Christmas, which I believe falls at some point in May. I think it's boxing. I think it's in May. Shout out to
Starting point is 01:44:57 St. Sue Carmel. Love you, Ma. I'm looking forward to the Rocky Road. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Hustlers. We'll be watching. Hustlers the movie. We might pop in Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. Shout out to Hustlers. Hustlers the movie. We might pop in tonight. Oh my god. It's so good. Is everyone watching for the watch along? No, no. We're going to watch it.
Starting point is 01:45:14 Ballers. I guess it'll be out by the time this comes out. The final episode of Ballers. Pan is in the building. I'm going to need to get a beer. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, dude. Shout out to Hustler the Magazine. You know what I mean? Got a lot of people through some tough times,
Starting point is 01:45:27 I imagine. After those Gore-Tex Nikes I got all muddy, what are you going to do? Not do that? They're Gore-Tex. Yeah, I was wondering about that.
Starting point is 01:45:34 I was going to ask. I told them to do a Christmas tree farm because they didn't have any other options. I was going to buy those and then I saw your mud on them. I got backed into a corner
Starting point is 01:45:41 and I did Gore-Tex my way out of it. Well, you know, the nice thing is they'll clean up real nice. You just hose them off. Yeah. More important than all that. They clean up really easy. Tune in again
Starting point is 01:45:52 next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shake that kitty! that was a hate gun podcast

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