All Fantasy Everything - Holiday Movies (w/ Rhea Butcher, Sean Jordan, and Zak Toscani)
Episode Date: December 6, 2018It's beginning to look a lot like Draftmas! On today's AFE, host Ian Karmel is joined by Sean Jordan, Zak Toscani and comedian Rhea Butcher to draft holiday movies!Support the show!Join the&n...bsp;All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-longs episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodEpisode Guests:Rhea Butcher @RheaButcher IG: @RheaButcherFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanZak Toscani @ZakToscani IG: @ZakToscaniShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
The podcast that's a bunch of chatterboxes who won't friggin' clam up so we can start the darn podcast.
Someone put a nickel in us.
For the love of Pete.
You know, wind you up once, you go all day.
For God's sake.
For the love of people.
I love a man that stops that chatter to start the podcast, because there's been a million podcasts I've been on and been like, wait, you're putting that out?
I'm sorry, I love very personal shit.
No, we've, yeah.
I mean, the unreleased AFE tapes, you know.
No way.
Man, no way.
There can't be a Watergate scandal on that.
Indictments in this regime.
Yeah.
Don't be like Nixon, man.
Putin's involved.
We're going to be like him.
It goes all the way to the top, and I don't give a fuck who's at the bottom.
That's right.
UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon is involved.
Oh, no.
We've had him on here to draft favorite truffle flavored things.
Truffle flavored things.
It seems like we might do like episode 800, right?
Favorite truffle hogs?
Yeah.
My prize, truffle hogs? Yeah. My prize truffle hogs.
Gordy, my prize truffle hog.
Oh, man.
Gordy's a perfect name for a prize truffle hog.
I would love to be in the position at some point in my life that it doesn't have to last forever where I have a truffle hog.
Sure.
I moved in next door to a pot belly pig.
Did you? So look, the path is unfolding in front of you, Ian. Absolutely. I moved in next door to a pot-bellied pig. Did you?
So look, the path is unfolding in front of you, Ian.
Absolutely.
I can see the whole playbook right now.
Currently?
Yeah.
Currently, right now.
In the Dream Factory.
In Los Angeles proper.
That's in Arlington.
In Los Angeles proper.
Yeah.
It's definitely illegal.
What's the pig's name?
And it's brought some Asian tiger mosquitoes.
And that is the part I don't like.
It also smells a little bit.
That's also your punk rock band, though, right?
Yeah, of course.
Asian Tiger Mosquitoes.
Asian Tiger Mosquitoes.
It's eight double bass pedal drummers.
That's the whole band.
Def Leppard doesn't have one arm.
They got a one-arm drummer.
I have a no-arm drummer.
No.
Three feet.
All feet.
Speaking of no-arm drummers or just drummers in general, we all saw some stuff with Zach
who, you know, listen, baby, you didn't go see a concert last night, but the three of
us did.
And I started talking before I forgot that you didn't also go to a concert last night.
That's when I said all of us.
I was excluding you.
I want to apologize right now.
Not very inclusive.
Go ahead and get out of here, huh?
All right.
You just want to leave?
Yeah.
Take a walk.
Go back to the gym?
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Zach to the gym?
Back to the future.
Zach to the gym. Get your fucking Zaxaphone'm kidding. I'm kidding. Zach to the gym? Back to the future?
Get your fucking Zaxaphone and go
Zach to the gym.
Zach to the beach.
Drink some Zach right?
You saw Boy Genius
last night, Rhea.
I sure as hell
fucking did.
That super group,
Julian Baker.
Yeah.
Who else was in it again?
Phoebe Bridgers
and Lucy Dacus
and then they all,
each of them played
like opening sets
like half hour.
That's true.
Oh, that's fun.
This was like a festival.
And I was like, yeah, it was like a festival of them.
And I would sign up by VIP packages and go again.
They got a comedy tent?
Yeah, they got a comedy tent.
Like a live podcast.
And then each person on the podcast does like a stand up set before the podcast.
That's so sick.
It was legitimately so sick.
Hell yeah.
It was so fucking good.
Because like all three of those people are so amazing on their own.
And then the three of them together on that EP.
That EP is like, if you have not listened to this EP, you have to listen to this EP.
It is so good.
And also when you listen to it, if you're listening to it on Spotify or whatever, you probably are, you have to turn off the autoplay afterwards.
Because it'll play a generated playlist so you keep listening.
Turn it off before you listen to this EP.
Everybody listen.
Because the end of the last song is so purposeful, the way they recorded it.
And it'll just go into another song and you won't fully experience like what
they were intending.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So it's really good.
And also they like,
I don't know if you guys have ever listened to trio,
which is Emmylou Harris,
Linda Ronstadt and Dolly Parton.
Those three people put out a couple of records.
I had in my mind what I thought was gonna be
my Saturday
and now it's different.
Now you know what it is.
Now I've said it.
We're gonna bump a trio
and watch me play Red Dead.
I'll play Red Dead.
We'll listen to Trio.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Crank this shit up.
I mean, it is,
it is some good shit,
but they just are like
kind of doing that
in some of their songs.
Like all three of them
are a little bit
doing a country thing.
Like Phoebe's new arrangements of her
songs off of Stranger in the Alps
last night were totally country
and it's awesome how it's like moving towards it.
Stranger in the Alps? Yep. That's the edited
version of what they say about Stranger in the Alps.
This is what happens when you find a Stranger in the Alps.
Is that where they got that?
I would put a thousand dollars
on it because I know like her sense
of humor.
Wow.
Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the house?
Larry's like,
yeah,
I know all about trio.
I'm up on trio.
Hosen and shit,
man.
But yeah,
you got to listen to that record.
And,
uh,
that was like,
it was,
uh,
you know,
when you go see something and you're like,
Oh, this is never going to happen again. Even if they tour again this i we got i got to see their last show of this tour that they've been on for two months or whatever and just like they ended it
here like a lot of their friends and family were i don't know it was just a really great
concerts where you like see something genuine like that I mean it was a thousand times genuine
like it was just like pure
joy and like it was
it was something incredible
to be said for seeing like a bit when like
it's the tour of that album
and it's not like yeah of course
they played the hits but you know like the 30
years later that's like a different vibe than
like catching them while they're still
excited about those songs.
The LA of it too.
Like that was the Wiltern.
It was sold out,
but the LA of it,
which is like,
honestly,
everybody.
So they,
they,
the last song they played is the last song on that EP.
And it,
it's,
yes.
So like,
there's not a ton of,
I don't,
there's like acoustic guitar.
Maybe I think Phoebe plays acoustic guitar.
Other than that, it's all harmonized vocals. So they brought out one of those, I don't there's like acoustic guitar maybe i think phoebe plays acoustic guitar other than that
it's all harmonized vocals really so they brought out one of those i don't know microphone names or
whatever but like a heart you know for three people to sing on wow you could hear a pin drop
in that fucking room i love that and that that's what i mean the la shit like literally 75 of the
people that were there were there because they were like, this fucking record is so good.
I want to see this.
And like,
that doesn't happen in Los Angeles very often.
Like most people are like real sceney about it.
Yes.
And like,
just like there to be seen and take photos.
And like,
there were not that many phones out.
Like it was when I saw Slater Kenny at the Palladium,
there were not that many phones.
So like that shit is like,
I love when that happens here.
That's exactly what we said last night. Cause we went to me first in the Gimme Gimmes. Yeah. And like that shit is like, I love when that happens here. That's exactly what we said last night.
Cause we went to me first in the Gimme Gimmes.
And Ian and I were talking,
we're like,
nobody had their fucking phone on.
Yeah.
The whole time.
And I don't,
I'm not bummed if people want to show that they're at a Taylor Swift show or
whatever.
I'm fine with it.
I don't,
I don't care.
It's part of the thing.
You can enjoy the show,
but nobody,
not one person had their shit out.
And I'm like,
this is,
it's cool.
We're in a moment.
I mean,
I like it when, look, I take photos.
Last night I didn't take any.
I took some of Lucy because I was on the floor
and then I decided to go up and hang with some friends
because that was like the experience I wanted.
So like, I just was like, I'm not going to fucking,
I took a video of when people,
they started like having an emotional reaction
to ending their tour.
And like the whole room was like just cheering for
them so i like recorded that because i was like this is a cool moment oh yeah but like i'm like
take a couple photos then put your phone away and just like be there dude i watched it i got this
record uh gossip live in the in london do you remember when that came out anyway um and i'm
very specifically into that i'm literally wearing a beth ditto shirt but uh
it came with a dvd of the show and so it's like oh i'm gonna watch this shit it's like 2008 or
something like that so i put that in and like i'm going like oh there's not gonna be any phones but
there's still like digital cameras because like we didn't have phones yet so i wore everything
like canon cameras like shooting the whole thing or whatever. It was real funny.
They fit in your pocket if you shove them in.
If you shove it in.
But, oh, I mean, yeah, you were wearing, like, limited women's jeans, you know?
It's, like, stretch.
I will say I never glommed on to the women's jeans thing.
Like, all the dudes I was with were wearing women's jeans, and I was like, no, bro.
I'm still in the men's train. No, bro.
We're talking about Sean just completely sat out, like, no, bro. I'm still in the men's train. No, bro. We're talking about
Sean just completely sat out
like the skinny jean.
It did.
Yeah, I mean,
he's kept it baggy
the whole time.
In skateboarding
and in hip hop,
baggy is back
in a big way.
Skaters are now,
cargo pants are back.
I know, yeah.
I mean,
they're doing the like
Mike Carroll shit,
1993 shit
and I'm just like,
it's wild to see because you're like, I love it. But you're not doing it right. It's like, I'm just like, it's wild to see
because you're like,
I love it.
But you're not doing it right.
It's like,
I like it,
but you can tell,
you can see the difference
because it's like,
you didn't experience it.
And I picture myself,
I'm like,
could I wear cargo pants now?
And I couldn't.
That's all.
I used to die with cargo pants
and now I'm like,
I look like a dipshit.
It's still a tough look.
I bought girl cargo pants
that like,
I lived in those things.
Like,
I cut them off into shorts when they were dying.
That was all I wore.
I straight up had some cargo jeans, which I remember. Cargo jeans?
Man.
Damn.
Also, Mike Valeli threw me a pair of black label cargo pants at a demo.
And I was like, I like black label cargo pants.
I bet you they were so starched.
I remember having a pair of like old Navy, like khaki where you could zip them off into shorts but they weren't khaki material it was like
it was like parachute material yeah yeah a dude at my high school had an orange pair and he didn't
think to wash them as a set was it brian austin green yeah he had an orange wore them all summer
wore them as shorts and so then when he came back to school he weren't allowed to wear well after a certain period you couldn't wear shorts yeah and
so then he zipped the pants on there two different colors oh no man that is so funny to think there's
just a time in class where he's like well time to zip them up time to zip my friend uh my friend
dicks matt dicks is his name and we i was I went in his room one day because the bathroom, the one bathroom in the house
was in his room.
That move, what a ridiculous way to build a house.
Yeah, it's so ridiculous.
And so I come out and I was like,
dude, Dix, you got cargo jeans in your dresser.
What the fuck?
And he's like, nah.
And I convinced him for like six months
that he had cargo jeans.
And then I was like, you don't really have cargo jeans.
Dude, I was kidding.
Dude, I have a very vivid memory of like in sixth grade running up to my mom and being like, you're buying me JNCOs.
I was, one of my friends had a pair and he let me try them on and I was like, it's over.
I'm just picturing sixth grade, you're like, you're buying me JNCOs.
I bypassed asking, you know what I mean?
I need some stovepipes, bro.
I suffered several unfortunate fashion trends, but I never got JNCO'd up.
I never had to do it.
I used to have zones, dude.
The poor person's JNCOs.
They were like the Arizona to Levi's.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, man.
Some cold water canyons.
When we were kids.
Route 66, baby.
Just speaking of telling your parents.
So Smith, Sean Smith, a friend of mine, he broke his board one time and he asked his mom for a new board and she started to just kind of act like she wasn't going to buy it.
And he goes, listen, we were like 13.
And he goes, listen, you're going to buy me the board.
So can we just skip all this?
And he was, I mean, I'm 13.
I'm like, he's right.
You're going to buy him the board.
Eventually.
Yeah.
He will have a new skateboard.
It's funny.
Like, I've been thinking about this.
So I went home and saw my nephew during Thanksgiving and like he, he sometimes will just be like,
why don't you just, you have a car.
Why don't you just go buy me Legos?
And he'll say stuff like that.
And flawless logic.
Oh, it's great.
It's great. You got a car?
Just go buy me some shit.
Go buy me shit.
Like he gets it because I do want to buy him Legos.
Right.
So, and it's funny because I'll do it or I'll go do it.
And then he thinks that like, oh, I tricked Uncle Zach.
Yeah.
But to me, I'm like, well, I wanted to do it.
And it makes me think about all the times with my mom where I was like, oh, I'm going to finesse her out of some some toys.
And the whole time she was like, she was knowing what I was doing.
You know, real quick.
I just got this little wave of like, I'm in a good fucking mood right now
I'm just happy this is awesome
and I'm just stoked that I know everyone in this room
and everyone listening is fucking awesome
I just get pumped you know
I love to be on this positivity vibe you know what I mean
it's such a great frequency I don't know if you know
I've been meditating yes yeah it does
and you're just like this is great and you're taught so much to be like don't especially as you know of it, meditating. Yes. Yeah, it does. And you're just like, this is great. And you're taught so much
to be like,
don't,
especially as comics,
you're like,
can't feel good.
Oh,
no,
I know.
I was going to do this
the other day.
Let's feel good.
Let's feel good.
So we're in Minneapolis
and we drafted like
famous Ian's,
David's,
Sean's.
I was at that thing.
Oh,
yeah,
yeah.
Somewhere else.
We had a couple of
beverages.
10,000.
And now that I'm not
shit-faced and crying,
I drafted you because, Ian, I'm pointing out,
I drafted you because you're amazing.
And the whole reason we're here is because of you, and I'm thrilled about it.
You've been an inspiration to me ever since I've met you from jump.
So thank you.
Oh, thanks, man.
Thank you.
I didn't get to properly say it because I was fucking crying.
Which isn't like a terrible thing.
No, no, no, no, no.
I go, I'm like, I'm drafting Ian.
Yeah.
I couldn't even look at him. And he's like, say something. No, no, no, no, no. I go, I'm like, I'm Jonathan Ian. Yeah. I couldn't even look at him.
And he's like, say something.
I'm like, I can't.
You know what you did?
I'm going to barf.
Yeah.
Oh, I did barf.
That night, I barfed hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hard, bro.
And that takes a lot.
You don't barf often.
You're a hard barfer.
Yeah.
Barf hard, dude. Barf, fart knuckle a hard barfer. Yeah. Barf hard, dude.
Barf, fart knuckle, hard barf.
Hard barf knuckles, dude.
Your constitution hasn't changed one bit.
Hard barf knuckles.
Old hard barf knuckles.
Yeah, that was, so I was rooming with Rojo Perez, and he, so he went to the after party,
and he's like, and I'm in the room like, man, he's going to get back hella late.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm going to be tucked in, sleeping.
He gets back.
And it was when, who got in a fight?
It was like Kate.
It was a basketball fight.
It was Rondo and.
Rondo and Chris Paul, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
They got in a fight.
And Rojo's like, hey, man, you got to see this.
And I go, or check this out, though.
I don't need to see it.
Or I'll have my phone tomorrow.
Watch it in the morning.
But he's like, well, all right, though.
I'm just going to watch it a few times.
I'm like, Rojo, fuck, man. man anyway that was fun yeah oh man rooming at festivals
i like i got i think it's fine i don't know it's totally fine but i was in denver and i got um
uh what is the the altitude sickness yeah shit and i like got you're at a ufc in denver and you
couldn't fight and i was like i can't fight uh but it was so bad i got in this lift i can't fight i can't
fight um i got in a lift and was telling the dude like hey he i was like i'm so sorry usually i'm
really friendly but i can't talk i'm so sick right now i don't know what's going on because i didn't
know it comes on so fast and he was like oh uh-huh yeah okay cool so what are you in town like just
kept talking there was like cologne and like just all the air fresheners.
And I eventually had to be like, shut up.
Like I couldn't, I was going to barf in his car.
We get to the hotel.
I almost barf in his car.
I barf in one of those like big planters, trash cans.
Barf immediately.
Where, like right outside of the hotel?
Like right outside of the hotel.
Like I was going to barf in his car.
You're just telling everyone like, I don't drink.
I don't drink.
This is it.
I know.
I was like, I said like, I'm not, I'm actually sick. I don't drink i don't drink this is it i know i was like i'm i said like i'm not i'm actually sick i don't drink i'm sober or whatever i get in the hotel i
like barely i can't get to my room i run down the hallway barf in the hallway barf in the thing i
kept i come back i tell the lady i'm like i'm so sorry i got sick in the hallway and she was like
so mad at me i get back upstairs i barf everywhere upstairs and I have to like hang my jeans
and all this stuff
and then
Sonia Denny comes in
and is like,
ah,
I'm like,
I don't drink.
I don't drink.
But then later,
like the dude that runs
or was working on the thing
was like,
I had your Lyft driver
and he was like,
you were so fucked up
and I was like,
I wasn't.
I wasn't at all.
I mean,
I was fucked up
but not like that.
Wouldn't you think
if you lived in Denver you'd like be used to people getting altitude sickness every now and then? you'd think. You're like, hey, be quiet. And he's like, I wasn't! I wasn't at all. I mean, I was fucked up, but not like that. Wouldn't you think if you lived in Denver,
you'd be used to people getting altitude sickness
every now and then?
Yeah, you'd think.
You're like, hey, be quiet.
And he's like, oh, sounds like someone
has an attitude sickness, you know?
You sat on that for my whole story.
You're off the podcast, Zach.
We go to Picks in Portland.
It's like a coffee shop.
And bless your heart, Zach was kidding, but I
gotta preface that. So we go in there
and the gal behind the counter,
she said something like, what can I
get you guys? And Zach's like, well, I'll tell you what I don't need is the
attitude. And she didn't, she took
it as the least joke you could take it.
And she was just furious
and we're like, Jesus. And also
I do that so rarely to try
to be like kind of outwardly jokey.
A little life bit.
That I think that to me, I sound like,
oh, I'm obviously joking.
But to other people, they're like,
I've never met this person before.
It was just a real lesson.
And like, that's why you don't do that.
You save it.
We got it.
And she goes, so you guys,
or do you want it to go?
And we're like, no, we're going to stay.
She goes, you sure?
Yeah.
Wow.
Thick. It was gnarly. Then we went outside and played that. What's that going to stay. She goes, you sure? Yeah. Wow. Thick.
It was gnarly.
Then we went outside
and played that,
what's that game
where you throw the balls?
Bocce ball.
Bocce ball.
Yeah.
Played some bocce ball.
Played some bocce ball.
And now they're married.
Top of.
Some tapas ball.
At Sean S. Jordan on Twitter.
That kind of podcast.
That kind of podcast.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan
on the gram.
Say a word.
My boy was at the
Me First of the Gimme Gimmies concert.
Mosh pit.
Last night.
In the mosh pit.
Skanking it up.
I fell down.
Skanking for Christ.
It's been a minute since I fell down.
And I was on my back, like, pretty scared.
Oh, yeah.
But they were so cool.
Crowded around.
Just held me up.
And I was like, and then, you know, back to beating the shit out of everybody.
Positive mosh pit.
Very positive. There were two children. Pause mosh, shit out of everybody positive mosh yeah there were two children
pause mosh
if you will
pause mosh
oh I will
pause mosh
pause mosh
would you care for a pause mosh
would you care for a pause mosh
couple fucking kids in there
one dude had his kid on his shoulders
which is
oh Jesus
two dudes
yeah
two dudes had their kids on their shoulders
kids at concerts
is always like wild to me
but I'm like
there were kids at that
boy genius show where were they yeah art ass kids whoa you are art as fuck Two dudes have their kids on their shoulders. Kids at concerts is always wild to me. There were kids at that Boy Genius show last night.
Where are they?
Oh, kids.
Art-ass kids.
You are art as fuck, dude.
Just tiny little Basquiat.
Tiny Basquiat.
What was the first concert I went to?
Amy Grant.
God, mine was weird.
Is that what it was?
That's my first one.
I think my...
That was the first one that you chose.
I think Cake was mine.
I got real lucky.
I mean, I was like seven.
Yeah.
It wasn't...
But that is my first concert.
Like proper.
Weird Al at the State Fair.
Wow.
Wow.
That's a good one.
It was all right.
It was all right.
My first like for real ass live show might have been Nine Inch Nails at the Pomp Room
in Sioux Falls.
Wow.
Which is like a bar.
Imagine that. Damn. That's like a bar. Imagine that.
That is a concert
They had an L-shaped
pool table, which I've still, I'm bummed
that I haven't seen that in a different bar.
Just like your take on a pool table.
You don't have to have a beer rec table.
Whatever you want to do.
The guy who sold them on that.
Now what if
he's got L-shaped tables and he's got to move them?
Heck, maybe even the country.
He invested all of his money.
You think drunk assholes fight over a normal pool game?
You really want to get them riled up.
Throw on some 90 sales.
What I'm proposing is more angles.
Make it L-shaped.
And then let children in there.
Throw on closer and put on a fucking L-shaped table.
Why don't you put a heavy-handed bartender behind the bar, too?
What I'm thinking is
pockets full of heavy balls
to be thrown.
I don't know.
Roadhouse, bro.
Dude, if you have a chance
to go see me,
I think they're on tour right now.
If you have a chance to go see me
for some of the Gimme Gimmes.
It was such a positive.
Do it.
So many comics there.
Posh Posh.
Oh, also, this is
My friend Phil was there.
He was on stage watching.
You and the By the Tickies.
Huh?
Really?
Yeah.
It was just a bad joke.
His girlfriend is like...
You, you, and the by the tickies?
Yeah.
Jesus.
Say it again.
He said, you, you, and the by the tickies.
Now, you...
What in the world?
And you want me to believe that you smoke weed sometimes.
I'm supposed to believe that?
Yeah.
Weed. Now, this is good. I don't smoke tobacco out of a water pipe. Out of a three-chamber water pipe. Yeah. want me to believe that you smoke weed sometimes i'm supposed to believe that yeah uh we now this
is good i don't know tobacco out of a water pipe out of a three chamber water pipe yeah
zach got a bong like he just formed lincoln park
there's a little a little pink on it all i want to do is load it with tobacco and smoke it while
i'm driving and then just see what happens
at a stoplight
these are the things we do when we're white
exactly
if I'm taking their attention
doing that it was
Randy Licky
the iPhone cookie
what a
fuck how mad would you be if you were a cop
and you pulled someone over hey you were talking on your phone
and it's Randy Licky like it's a would you be if you were a cop and you pulled someone over? Hey, you were talking on your phone and it's Randy Lidke.
And he would take a bite.
It's a cookie, you fucking moron.
And the cop's like, you're going to jail, dog.
I'm going to break your spine.
Yeah.
He took a bite out of it.
That's how he would reveal that it was a cookie.
What a hilarious thing.
You find a lot about, you find out a lot about yourself that day.
Yeah.
If you're the cop.
Like, what kind of person am I?
Yeah.
Do I like funny shit or am I an asshole?
Exactly.
And you're probably an asshole.
You're probably an asshole.
Because guess what?
You're a cop.
It's only funny in the abstract.
I would actually never smoke a bong in my car.
Because I could never be that person.
Also, I wouldn't smoke in your car at that point.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Also, just walking down the street, though.
If we're going to do it, let's do it in a cold city.
In the smoking area,
outside of a building.
Like the Denver airport.
Oh, what do you mean?
I can't bring my tobacco pipe?
Yeah.
On my check-on?
Doesn't the Denver airport
still have like a weird smoking part?
Or like, Burbank does.
Most airports do.
Atlanta does.
Burbank does, for sure.
Atlanta has those like chambers, right?
It's chambers of sadness.
God, they really are.
Oh, my fucking life.
It's like smoking meat in there.
I wonder if they hire actors to look haggard in there.
Just hanging in there.
The only place my dad is still alive is in those weird smoking areas.
He's like the Star Wars sort of hologram-y sort of person in there.
Oh, yeah.
I just walk in, I go, Dad?
And he goes, yeah, yeah. I'll be in, I go, Dad. And he goes, yeah, yeah.
I'll be in this walking section for a while.
For a minute.
Man.
He used to show me this Larry Bird VHS tape like I didn't know who Larry Bird was.
I mean, we're talking, I don't want to exaggerate.
We're probably talking 30 times.
Sure, yeah.
He'd get shit-faced, beach himself on the couch and be like,
Bud, why don't you throw in that Larry Bird VHS?
And he'd talk to me like I didn't know
what I was about to watch.
No, bud,
I'll tell you this
about Larry Bird.
I just start ripping shit off.
I'm like, okay.
And then my friend Frat
had that same VHS
years later.
It was time.
Pat Jordan lives on
is all I'm saying.
Larry Bird, baby.
With a thick beard.
The beard is thick.
It's prominent.
The hair is thick.
It doesn't look gross.
You look like
fucking Robert
Redford in Jeremiah Johnson,
dude. That's what you look
like. Or Kurt Russell
in The Thing. You look like Kurt Russell
in The Thing, bro. Are you guys my
best friends?
What was his name in that?
Literally doesn't matter. I've said this before.
I don't think I've ever told you
this, though, Ria so speaking of Robert Redford
I've said nobody
who knows anybody's name
you remember
Indecent Proposal
oh yeah
so Robert Redford
so we're in Smith
the aforementioned Smith
we're in his kitchen
and the trailer comes on
and we're like
fucking eight
and uh
Smith's mom goes
tell you what
you wouldn't have to pay me
a million dollars
anyone just saying like
I'd love to fuck
Robert Redford.
Dear eight year old son and his best friend.
I'd fuck that guy for free.
He could pay me.
Wait,
I would pay him.
What's his Venmo?
Man,
I bet he's got one.
Oh,
Robert Redford for sure.
At Sundance.
Yeah,
at Sundance.
Yeah,
nothing coming up.
Nothing coming up. You know, clear, clear calendar. Yeah. Clear's Sundance. Yeah, nothing coming up. Nothing coming up.
You know.
Clear calendar.
Yeah, yeah.
Clear seas ahead.
You know, maybe some fun stuff in Portland in March.
That's about it.
We're working on it.
Go to Shane's show last night in Pittsburgh.
Yeah, go to Shane's show last night in Pittsburgh.
At Mugubi's?
When was it?
Mugubi's.
Where's those Chuckle Palace?
The big cranberries having some trouble moving some tickets.
March cranberry couldn't move tickets to the Choco Palace.
Timed him out.
Where is he this week?
Where can we...
Ah, shit, man.
I bet it's on his website,
but he didn't put it up.
Salem, New Hampshire
or something?
We'll find out at some point.
Rea Butcher.
At Rea Butcher on Twitter.
That's me.
At Rea Butcher on Instagram.
I like to keep it simple.
Cross platforms.
Cross platforms.
What do you got coming up?
I have a bunch of tour dates in the winter because I'm a masochist.
The winter.
And I like to tour in the winter.
You're going to Moose Jaw, Medicine Hat.
Yep.
Alberta.
Everywhere.
I'm going to go to Bemidji and throw potatoes across the Canadian border.
Yeah, exactly.
Nova Scotia.
Mexico City.
Saskatoon.
Back up to Toronto.
I'm going to go to the classic San Francisco Sketch Fest
to Boise, Idaho
to Portland, Oregon
to Seattle, Washington
and Oregon
That's a fun run
What are you doing in Portland?
What's the venue?
Mississippi Studios
Nice
Two shows
First one sold out
That's on the 19th
Of course it is
So 17th at Sketch Fest
That just got announced
18th in Boise, Idaho
What month are we talking here?
19th January January 19th in Boise, Idaho. What month are we talking here? 19th.
January.
January.
19th in Portland, Oregon at the Mississippi Studios.
The 10 p.m. still has tickets.
And then the 20th in Seattle.
And then I'm doing more dates that I have written down.
Anyway, they'll be on my website, and you should buy tickets to those things.
I wish you guys could see what just happened.
Rhea's trying to grab-
Listen to me, you motherfuckers.
Just a solid move.
Listen to me.
You go see Rhea doing the stand-up comedy, or you don't look me in the eye next time
we're together.
Talking directly to the listeners right here.
January 24th at the Tempe Improv in Tempe, Arizona.
Wild.
January 25th at 191 Tool in Tucson, Arizona.
February 16th at the Frida Cinema in Santa Ana, California.
March 1st at Thalia Hall in Chicago.
That's getting announced in a couple days.
March 2nd at the Gramercy Theater in New York.
Yeah, exactly.
And then March 7th through the 9th Vermont Comedy Club in Burlington.
Have you guys been to that?
No, I hear it's great, though.
A lot of people have been going.
Looks cool.
I've been to Vermont.
Burlington would be fun.
I've never been to Vermont either.
I've been through New England a ton and not been to Vermont.
You know, when you go to Burlington, they have a super cool coat factory you should check out.
I'll check it out.
I think I've heard of them.
They have good deals.
I'm a professional comedian.
The two of you.
They have good deals on coats and stuff.
Yeah.
You guys are full of beans today, Zach and Sean.
You guys are full of beans.
I'm going to say it. I don't mind saying it You guys are full of beans. I'm going to say it.
I don't mind saying it.
You're full of beans.
And I don't know if I like it or not.
Burlington's coat?
It's something like the Burlington Coat Factory.
I think if you just go and you're like, hey, where's the coat factory, dude?
Yeah, where's your factory at for coats?
That'd be a fun nickname for a burly dude.
The Burlington Coat Factory.
What I'm saying is call me the Burlington Coat Factory. Call me the Burlington Coat Factory? What I'm saying is call me the Burlington Coat Factory.
Call me the Burlington Coat Factory.
Also, Fort Worth, March 19th through the 23rd.
Oh, great.
You're going to Fort Worth.
I'm going to Fort Worth.
Fort Worth.
Shane Torres' hometown.
Fort Worth.
Bartles and James.
Yeah, there are no dates on Shane's website.
Oh, I love a good BJ.
You know what I mean?
I do know what you mean.
You can go for a BJ right now.
Yeah, Bartles and James.
BJ to the dome?
Absolutely.
Taking a BJ to the dome.
Excuse me, where's the guy?
Just go into like Hy-Vee or Ralph's or whatever.
Like, hey, where's the guy get a fucking BJ around here?
And they know what you're talking about.
It's actually, it's back right by the old English you wouldn't believe
I went into a convenience
store yesterday and there was signage
I don't know if you saw this on my Instagram it was posted
there but there was a
poster for angry orchard
and fireball I did see that
and it was for their drink concoction that
they came up with as a franchise
called angry balls like what how do you not caption it like thanks for keeping me sober And it was for their drink concoction that they came up with as a franchise called Angry Balls.
Oh, no.
Like, what?
How do you not?
Captioned it like, thanks for keeping me sober, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's a, because I was looking at it, and at first I thought it was like a liquor-flavored atomic fireball is what I thought it was.
But it's not.
It's like a shot that you get.
Well, it's just like.
A pre-made shot.
That used to be my job was to make those things.
Yeah.
That was literally my graphic design job was to get those things in and like work on that artwork.
Yeah.
So like that is just like, hey, buy both these things and then make this terrible thing at your house.
Like it's just advertising both those bottles so that you buy both those bottles and then you take it home and you make that thing and then you hate your life.
You have a holiday party.
Who wants Angry Balls?
Who wants Angry Balls? And then someone stands up.. You have a holiday party, who wants angry balls? Who wants angry balls?
And then someone stands up,
I bet my fucking husband does,
doesn't he?
I'm going to go to the kitchen
and angry up some balls real quick.
You prick, Jim.
I just think of somebody
like hitting a punching,
like one of those rhythm bags,
like that's all
and then drinking that at the end.
Now, I'm a second degree black belt
in Taekwondo, so I used to be able to do that.
I believe you.
We didn't put liquor in the temple, but the other stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The other stuff.
BJ to the dome, though.
We may have listeners in Portland, Oregon.
Go fucking listen to that second show.
Just a few.
We've never steered you guys wrong, right?
That's true.
Shane's going to be there in March, and we're going to tell you
to go see Shane. Sorry about that.
That is us steering you. Seriously.
Disclaimer right now. Don't go see Shane, but go see Shane.
But go see Shane. You know what I mean?
Don't go see Shane, but go see Shane. But don't.
See me in January. Definitely see Ria.
Definitely see me. See Ria for sure.
See me for sure. It's going to be fun.
Have seen David Borey last weekend.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Tonight or tomorrow night?
Tomorrow.
From the recording.
At Zach Disconi on Twitter.
Yeah.
What are we, like, an hour in?
Zach Disconi on Instagram.
Yeah, we're an hour in.
Yes, sir.
Zach with a K, baby.
Yeah, Zach with a K.
What do you got coming up, baby?
You know, December 3rd through the 10th, I'm in Los Angeles.
Yeah.
December 11th through the 25th, I'm in Los Angeles. Yep. December 11th through the 25th, I'm in Los Angeles.
Yep.
Okay.
And so on.
Cool.
So I'm just here.
Homeward bound.
So just sort of look for Zach.
Yeah.
Hang it out.
Well, Faded's coming back in January.
There you go.
January 4th.
We're going to have a new sound system.
Yeah.
New lights.
Sound system.
Selecta.
Ria, you haven't done the show yet, have you?
Something like that, right?
Which show?
We started a show.
You got to come do it.
Oh, yeah.
I got to come do the show.
In January at some point.
Absolutely.
Yeah. Fuck yeah. Fantastic. Let's do it. But yeah. In January, that have you? Which show? We started a show. You've got to come do it. Oh, yeah, I've got to come do the show. In January at some point. Absolutely.
Yeah, fuck yeah.
Fantastic.
Let's do it.
But yeah, in January, that's...
Who am I, Zach?
Go ahead.
No, no.
You're also part of the show, Sean, please.
Don't keep talking so I can eat these circus animals.
Yeah.
But it's just been the best show, and yeah, we've got some big things planned, and I don't
know.
It's...
We're going to have a deadlift contest.
Is that what you mean by big things? What's that? We're're gonna have a deadlift contest is that what you mean by big things we're gonna have a deadlift contest no just Donnie Wahlberg and I are gonna have a
deadlift contest that's how we're opening the first show you're gonna win I might I might not
though you don't think you could beat Donnie Wahlberg in a deadlift contest maybe not who
know I don't know anything about Donnie Wahlberg I don't know what Donnie Wahlberg is his birthday
is August 17th I know that about Donnie Wahlberg. He is the one that we know. Out of town. You know that?
He was my favorite.
Donnie was your favorite, huh?
Donnie was my favorite, yeah.
Donnie.
Oh.
Donnie.
I like him trashy.
You know what I mean?
Donnie Wahlberg, sign me up.
You know, what a good thing for him, though.
He'd like, he'd turn himself around.
He did.
I don't think he's trashy anymore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Not trashy anymore.
But that rat tail?
Come on.
That was some shit.
Oh, yeah.
He's the guy that had a rat tail down to my butt?
My mom still has saved in a scrapbook.
Is it next to your
I almost said amphibian cord.
That's not what it is.
I was actually hatched.
I didn't have a cord.
I was incubated.
I was inverted.
How do I have my shades on?
Inverted.
We were actually inverted.
Oh, I got a girl.
All the hits, baby.
Cool.
Yeah, you guys talked for long enough for me to eat these burgers.
I got to stop clapping.
Marissa called me on the clapping.
I do it sometimes.
You're a clapper.
Yeah.
When we recorded at the house, you were like smacking the side of the chair real loud, too.
I know.
Knee slappers.
It's not a horse, John.
Giddy up, girl.
This isn't Red Dead 2.
I know some things about Red Dead.
I'll tell you what is Red Dead 2 my whole life right now.
Oh, man.
I'm doing cowboy shit.
I'm out here riding horses.
Cowboy, take me away.
I'm the cowboy.
I'll take you away.
It's an interesting environment to go to sleep to where it's like.
Having weird dreams.
Yeah.
That coupled with the bone crippling syphilis.
It's like, yeah, I'm pretty much there.
I did elect to have my character get syphilis.
So it's a ticking time bomb.
Did you get to name?
Didn't you pick out a cool name or am I crazy?
For my horse?
Yeah.
Bovice.
Yeah, man. Bovice. Yeah, man.
Bovice.
From the Unforgivable videos.
From the wildly popular first viral video that I ever saw, Unforgivable.
Remember that shit?
No, I don't remember Unforgivable.
It's problematic these days.
Sure, yeah.
It's fine.
What is it?
You can get through that.
It's funny.
It's just this dude in the woods talking hella shit just just filming himself talking shit right
it's you know it's it's funny bovice bovice bovice my horse bovice uh i'm making another horse today
because you can bet i'm gonna be playing it for a minute i think if i was gonna name my dog
dog uh horse after well it's not a viral video, but there was a skate video from Akron where these kids filmed a security guard losing his shit at them.
And I used to say this all the time.
This guy was like, all right, I told you, twants.
I would take my horse, twants.
Oh, twants.
That's my horse, twants.
We might have to incorporate that.
All right, I told you, twants.
I told you, twants.
Your wants.
That's such a bummer because he loses all authority in that moment.
Whatever little he had, it's gone.
Any amount of threat is just completely gone.
You got to turn in your badge and your stun gun after that.
When people used to get pissed and kick us out of skate spots,
the shit that would come out of their mouth,
you're like,
you fucking,
this dude,
in one of our videos,
this dude kicked us out and he goes,
this is my building.
My name's Hafner.
It's H-A-F-F-N-E-R.
And we're like,
who gives a fuck?
Are you serious?
Spell it.
We're leaving.
My social security number is.
Serious.
And also like,
dude,
you're 60.
We're all 18.
Yeah.
If we felt like it
we could still skate here
yeah yeah yeah
just calm the fuck down
we'll leave
anyway
good story huh
great story
another hour and a half of this
I think we might need to get that illustrated
yeah
Hafner
let's pull that one out
get that Hafner story
cartoon it up
what do you got coming up
at Ian Carmella cross platforms
blue check marks on all of them
god damn it
why do you mention all my blue check marks?
A couple of blue check marks. I got blue check marks.
Why don't you guys go have a fucking lunch together, huh?
We might. Zach and I will go. Let's chain ourselves
to a building. We might. We're going to go chain ourselves to
Twitter. Like Laura
Loomer. Laura Loomer.
Shit just got real in here. It did get real.
Well, with two verifieds, you know.
Yeah, two verifieds. Get in the same elevator.
Of course some shit goes down.
I've almost hit that elusive fifth digit on Twitter.
So no big deal.
We get that.
No big deal.
Oh, by the way, I, at this moment, am still, still, Ian's closing the gap quick.
Closing the gap.
So if I could say anything, please, if you don't already follow me, we got to make this gap a little bit longer.
Don't you do it.
Don't you follow Zach.
I need it a little bit longer. Maybe you should make up another story about some lunch theft again, you fucking me. We got to make this gap a little bit longer. Don't you follow Zach. I need it a little bit longer.
Maybe you should make up
another story about
some lunch theft again,
you fucking liar.
Did you hear about this one?
No, I missed it.
This conspiracy theory
that he was lying about.
So Zach,
well, go ahead.
No, no, go ahead.
I don't.
Somebody,
long story short,
somebody stole lunch
from the fridge at work
and Zach live tweeted
the whole thing
and it got him
like 40,000 followers.
Oh, yeah, that thing. It was on the front page
of the fucking BBC.
People are like, oh, it sounds like
he was lying. Shut the fuck up.
He did make it up. They were like, why would you
make a story about shrimp fried rice beans?
And if you did, by the way, you're a genius.
Either way, you should write a fucking show.
I know when I read that
I was like, no, I'm too stupid to have thought of
something like that. That's a very long thing to like yeah people really don't understand how writing works all
right it's impossible he's got this fucking like storyboard yeah right who is this man
i know how i'll get lin-manuel miranda to follow me yeah he got a hotel room at the
glenn capri inn and just mapped everything out like he's in True Detective. Hotel Sakura right across the street.
He's our neighbor.
You got a button up on with no pants, just smoking a cigar, thinking about it.
How does it
all make sense?
Listen to Tom Waits at four in the morning.
So drunk.
Hoist it red.
That's the key. So fucking drunk.
Like child support drunk. That's the key. So fucking drunk. So fucking drunk. Like child support drunk.
So many BJs.
So many BJs.
He's taking so many BJs to the dome.
Straight to the dome.
BJs to the dome.
BJs.
Mama is in home.
We can write Tom Waits on the dome.
Ladies and gentlemen, not Tom Waits in the room.
Not Tom Waits.
It was Ian Carmel.
It was actually Ian Carmel.
Not Tom.
I got a body full of bones.
Grammy nominated, cheerleader prom dated.
Yeah, hotel accommodating.
Got anything coming up?
Not really.
I mean, the show in Portland sold out.
I don't really have anything else.
I watch.
Scream.
Scream.
Watch the Late Late Show, I guess, or don't.
I don't really care.
They don't pay me any extra if you do.
Watch it.
Santa Karmes.
Sure, check it out.
Oh, yeah, I played Santa last week.
Look that up on the internet.
Cool, cool, cool. Listen to All Fantasy Everything.
Buy 9.2 on Pitchfork.
The label wants me to start pushing that album again.
Buy my album.
Damn, son.
Where'd you get this album?
Where'd you get this two-year-old stand-up comedy album?
Damn, son.
Was this recorded at Mississippi Studios?
It was. It certainly was. So was yours. Damn, son. Was this recorded at Mississippi Studios? Damn, son. It was.
It certainly was. So was yours.
Yeah. So was mine. Yeah.
So was it, really? Yeah.
A lot of people did it. I think Hari did it there. Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of people did it there. Emily Heller
did it there. Yeah.
I was on that show. Solomon Georgiou did it there.
They put some jerseys in those rafters.
Yeah. Man, that was a fun thing
you just said.
Yeah.
I was just funny.
I opened for Tim Heidecker
and it was not good.
Yeah.
I opened for Tig there
and she was so sick
that I didn't get to like
try to befriend her.
Yeah.
But later on,
we had a couple more conversations.
Later on,
we talked to each other.
Yeah.
Let's illustrate that story too.
Let's get that going.
That's where I was like,
hey, I heard you used to do
the triple runs all the time.
She's like,
I did one for two weeks
and quit.
And I was like, oh. Because he decided on heavy on that stuff, right where I was like, hey, I heard you used to do the triple runs all the time. She's like, I did one for two weeks and quit. And I was like, oh.
Because he cited her heavy on that stuff, right? He was like, that's what made Tig
who she is. And I was like, what? Tig said she
went on the, you know, like. Picture Tig
in like Whitetail, Montana.
Oh my gosh. What?
I mean, she'd still be murdering, but like, I just see
him like, nah. Oh man, that.
Did you ever watch that
Showtime? With her and Dor? Yeah, with her and John Dorik. God, that. Did you ever watch that Showtime?
With her and Dor?
Yeah, with her and John Doric.
God, that's great.
And they just performed in people's houses and stuff.
It was great.
Yeah, so I don't really have anything.
Just, you know, fuck with us.
Sure.
Sign up for the Patreon.
Oh, please do.
The slack is popping.
We just recorded the mail, but the second mailback will be up at the time you hear this.
We might be doing a holiday themed watch along for this month.
That would be fun.
Which brings us to today's draft.
Seamless transition.
Are you a professional?
I am a professional television writer.
There you go.
I was nominated for an Emmy for writing on the Tonys.
If you can believe that.
The Anthonys.
The Anthonys.
For the Anthony Awards.
What are the Anthonys?
Nominated for best Anthony.
Anthony LaPaglia.
Anthony LaPaglia Jr.
Anthony Colangelo.
Colangelo.
Tony Del Vecchio.
Man, they have won Tony's.
I have won Anthony's.
Anthony's.
And of course, Mark Anthony, who is also nominated for a Latin Grammy tonight.
We're drafting holiday movies.
Yeah.
I almost forgot that we were drafting something.
Why?
Because we started the podcast an hour ago?
It was a great conversation.
We're just not getting to it?
We can just talk.
We're just going to say the name of the movie.
Yeah, we're drafting holiday movies.
Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you.
And we throw on shoot.
Here we go.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, we got to throw again.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Ah, Rhea wins. Rhea wins. Yeah. The winner today is Rhea again. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot. Ah, Rhea wins.
Rhea wins.
Yeah.
The winner today is Rhea Butcher.
Lesbian with scissors.
Oh, yeah.
Nice.
It's my favorite way to win.
Lesbian scissored away to victory.
Scissored my way to another win.
Now, since you won, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of the draft.
But before you do that, I will remind you it's a serpentine draft.
Now, what kind of a draft is that, Ian?
That's a great question.
Well, let's say you're to me first in the Gimme Gimme concert last night,
and you're in the mosh pit.
I can relate to this.
You're going clockwise.
You're just moshing your little fucking ass off.
And then you stop, and you're like, shit, I want to mosh the other way real quick.
And so you start moshing counterclockwise,
and then a big, big gentleman stops you and says,
no, the mosh pit actually goes clockwise.
And so you start moshing clockwise again.
You're like, wait a minute.
I'm shit-faced.
I want to mosh counterclockwise because that's Bucker.
So you do it again.
And that gentleman one more time goes, I'm sorry.
It's a clockwise mosh pit.
So, you know, it's like that.
Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round, he picks, you know, first in the second.
I got to say, that was more of your, one of the more clear explanations.
Hey man, you do a hundred of them, you start to get a little murky.
So with that in mind, what will the order of the draft be today?
Let's go, I'll go first.
I'm just going to go for that.
I deserve it.
You know what I mean?
Like I had a good night.
I want to go first. You went to a wonderful concert just going to go for that. I deserve it. You know what I mean? Like, I had a good night. I want to go first.
You went to a wonderful concert last night.
Let's keep that good vibe going.
Just tell Zach he can't go.
Zach doesn't even get to pick.
Yeah, you don't get to pick.
You're sitting this one out.
I got to giggle.
Marissa giggled.
Then I'm going to go Sean.
Chantel Jordan.
Yuck.
Then I'm going to go Zach.
Yes.
Then I'm going to go Ian.
Oh, we're doing one of these things.
I love the hot corner.
Ian does like the hot corner Ian does like the hot corner
I love the hot corner
I wanted the hot corner
for this one
cause I like
it's uh
yeah
too bad bro
me dog
me bro
it's me dude
too bad bro
I have a clarifying question
okay
shut up man
is it holiday movies
or Christmas movies
it's the holiday season
it's the holiday season
it's the holiday season
but December holiday season I know exactly. It's the holiday season.
But December holiday season?
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Okay.
Okay.
So, T-Day off the table.
T-Day off the table.
Okay.
Is off the table?
All right.
Yeah.
I know what you're talking about, you dickhead.
No, I'm just setting parameters.
G-Hog off the table.
G-Hog.
T-Day.
Yeah, G-Hog.
Oh, Groundhog Day.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, if you want to waste time, you can call it Groundhog Day. I call it G-Hog. I save time. And Yeah, G-Hog. Oh, Groundhog Day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if you want to waste time,
you can call it Groundhog Day.
I call it G-Hog.
I save time and with that extra time.
I got shit to do.
I record an hour intro to my podcast.
Toyotathon movies are in play.
Trucktober.
Okay, okay, okay.
October movies are in play.
Are Lexus commercials off the table?
No.
Okay, great.
Those are very on the table.
That's my favorite holiday movie.
Have you read the new J.D. Power Associates,
by the way?
We just got it in the mail.
It's riveting. J.D. Power Associates opened for me for some giving. Yeah new J.D. Power Associates, by the way? We just got it in the mail. It's riveting.
J.D. Power Associates opened for me first time again.
J.D. Power.
So they do customer
reviews of
consumer products. They do.
So you should submit your album to
be reviewed by J.D. Power Associates.
Or your fucking truck, bro.
They'll review them both.
I've designed a new truck.
My Chevy Colorado that I've designed a new truck. And I want them to take a look at it.
My Chevy Colorado that I've designed 300 times in my apartment.
We should send them some Ventures or some Thunders or something.
Yeah, let's do it.
And be like, hey, review these.
Okay, it's like an El Camino, but it's a DeLorean too.
Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
Five stars.
Five stars.
Y'all crazy for this one.
Anybody else subscribe to Zillion's Consumer Reports for Kids?
Oh, well, not anymore, but I for sure did.
Oh, yeah, I got that shit a lot.
Young investor.
Eye on the prize.
Young investor.
Bubblegum cigar.
Bubblegum cigar.
Tiny little top hat.
All right, so with the first pick, Rhea Butcher, we will find out right after this short break.
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Woo!
Rehabilitation with the first pick in the holiday movie
All Fantasy Everything draft.
You are on the clock.
Great.
My first pick is, you know, it's tough to make a first pick
because you want to get something that,
for holiday movies, you want to get something
that makes you feel good, makes you feel like a kid,
makes you feel like an adult, makes you feel all these things.
Like, when it comes on, you feel good,
and it's the holidays.
For me, that is many movies,
but this is the one that
hits all of my quadrants for
holiday movies. It is
A Christmas Story. It is
my favorite one.
I will watch the full
marathon on TBS.
I will spend the whole
day doing that and every year have it on
it's the best every year you're just like tight it's on here all day and i never get sick of it
you come in at different moments you leave you come back in and it's new stuff it's also these
are movies this is my favorite kind of movie like back to the future is like this for me the movie
where like you age with the movie and you've seen it as a kid and you're like i'm ralphie this reminds me of this all this shit and then you see it as an adult and you're like oh my god
i'm the parents and like the shit that they did a little subtle stuff that those uh that uh their
names are darren mcgavin and i can't remember her name she's she is like the star of that like the
mom is crushing it with what vincent vincent Lone Ranger's cousin's horse. The glue.
Nephew's horse.
Nephew's horse.
You know what always bummed me out was like, there is certainly when I like matured a little
bit, there was so many people that were like, man, the mom's kind of like a nag in that
movie.
Not at all.
And I'm like, could you imagine?
She's holding up with all that stuff.
She's not a nag at all.
And all you want is your husband not to want to fuck a lamp.
Yeah.
Like, please just not this.'s just not a nag at all
it's just like that lamp is intruding her entire life at a moment when it's like this is the
holidays yeah and like everybody's outside looking at it and like that moment i i can remember the
first time that i realized the joke of like wouldn't want to waste electricity. And she only turns off the leg and the whole rest of the house is off.
And you're just like,
oh shit.
It's like,
oh man,
it's so,
it's so good.
And like that moment where they're looking at the tree at night and the
lights are off and it's,
and there's just like the little,
after they've gone upstairs and it cuts back to the parents to like have
that little moment of like,
oh yeah,
these people do like,
they love each other.
There is like love and it's a family. It's brutal, it's so oh it's such a real depiction right it is a
real depiction will you think about like that movie in particular i mean what other movie gets
played on a 24-hour loop like that but also like you remember every i remember every scene of that
movie like the set pieces when they go to see santa is like like everything just
works together and it's a movie that like happy days i was like i just assumed it was filmed in
the 50s because they nailed that like soft glow and shot in cleveland like the opening scene is
in terminal yeah it's uh shot in downtown cleveland so i've got and and the house is in
cleveland too the interiors no but like and then shot for some fake fictional town in indiana so i It's shot in downtown Cleveland. And the house is in Cleveland, too. The interior is no.
And then shot for some fictional town in Indiana.
So I have that.
Also, one of my favorite scenes is when he wakes up in the morning and it's snowed all night.
Sure.
And the heart scene.
That takes me back right into it every time.
I also love, and this is like, look, I'm giving them a lot of credit but this is a movie from
1983 the opening scenes also a lot of the there are black kids in the classroom yeah and there
are black people in the opening scene singing and stuff like there is like this is a white family
and the friends are white so like i'm not trying to be like this movie's whatever but for a night
a movie in 1983 that's depicting like what the what, the late 40s, early 50s?
Yeah.
To do that, to think about that, and just have that in there
is, like, something that every time I see it, I'm like,
this is cool.
Yeah.
This is cool, because, I mean, I think there's, what,
two black people in another movie that I'm not going to mention
because it's probably going to come up.
Right, right, yeah.
Or none in some of them.
Or, yeah, none in a lot of them.
Oh, I lost it them the through line of the
you'll shoot your eye out
kills me still
and the narration
I like that it's narrated
it's so fun
and he's in the scene when they go to see Santa
the line starts here
it ends there
that's the dude that wrote it
the narrator is the dude that wrote it that's, really? Yeah. Because the narrator is the dude that wrote it.
That's fun.
His name is not at the...
And the Santa kind of being a dick is funny.
Yeah.
You know, man, I was at the...
What do you want, kid?
I was at the Galleria.
You know, the Galleria the other day.
Yeah.
Because I'm a Malman.
You're a Malman.
And I saw Santa...
I'm a fellow Malman.
We're a family of Malmans.
Seriously.
Family of Malmans.
I saw Santa on his fucking phone and I'm like, man, you're wrecked.
Yeah, you can't be doing that.
Put the phone away.
I know you're not getting paid a lot.
I saw Santa on his phone.
Look at you, Banksy.
That would be so funny if it was like,
Santa, is that real?
Hey, Santa, get off your fucking phone.
Get off your phone, innit?
We're in the Christmas story.
Get off your fucking telly bro put your
trainers on your trainer boots go ahead no no no uh i said i'll stop cutting you off go ahead
go ahead i didn't realize when i was young go ahead the dad when he's just i didn't realize
that that was just the substitute for him that he would be swearing and they couldn't put that
in you know i didn't either.
I always thought like, what a weird guy
who would just be doing that.
I thought it was like a character quirk.
I didn't realize like, oh, okay, you're supposed to
fill in the blank, basically.
Yep, that was one thing I noticed too.
That was one thing I noticed about
the Dresden story, I'll tell you.
Me as well.
Banksy, go sign.
Please start calling me Banksy. How'd Me as well. Banksy, go sign. Please
start calling me Banksy.
How'd you get the nickname Banksy?
Give Randy a present.
And right now I feel like I'm the bumpestest dogs.
That's how I feel in my life.
I love when he sticks his leg out. He's like,
get out of there! When he's happy,
he gives him the leg.
It really sucks you into,
that'll set you in the Christmas spirit.
Yeah.
If you aren't already.
Yeah, man.
Like, that can be.
Christmas Eve when that shit starts at 6 p.m. or 4 or whenever that starts.
Makes me forget about my shitty uncle.
Then you've got the one family member that's like, ugh, this.
And then they leave and you're like, yes.
Good God.
Leave.
But then they come back at, like, 10 p.m.
They're like, I do like this movie.
They're like, everybody loves this movie.
Everybody loves it.
It's perfect.
Yeah, it's amazing. The scene with the parents when parents when they're like wrapping the gifts and it's just them
too and you kind of see the sweetness and then where because he's like kind of you're like is
he just a horrible dad yeah right all the time no he's not but isn't he the one who did he get
the rifle absolutely okay yeah he gets it because she doesn't know she's like what because he's like
what's that over in the corner there?
Which is like, oh, that'll take you right back to one of those Christmases.
It's the best way of giving up.
And then how he's miming.
They're like, they'll run all over.
He's not showing him, but showing him how to do it.
I had one when I was nine years old.
When he beats the shit out of the bully.
Oh, yeah.
That's great.
That's like a weird real moment
where I was like damn that's heavy
cause it gets real
taking his whole life out on this bully
and you're like damn that bully's just a kid
who's like a wayward youth
everybody be quiet
just thinking about the time
we beat the shit out of that guy
the pole licking scene
that's iconic
I tried it
iconic
you did it
you did
oh my god
yeah but I ripped
I ripped off right away
but it hurt
did you get
did nobody else try that
you never did that
no
it never really got that cold
I got real close to one
when it wasn't cold enough
and it stuck a little bit
and I was like
oh fuck that
I did it on our fence
at our house
we had a chain link fence
in South Dakota
and yeah just stuck my tongue on it and I was like fuck and I ripped it right off fence at our house. We had a chain link fence in South Dakota. And yeah, just stuck my tongue on it.
I was like, fuck.
And I ripped it right off.
You're burying the headline.
You grew up in South Dakota?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Born and raised.
Oh my God.
And you're now, you're Jewish, right?
100%.
That's what I'm never like.
Marissa, you're Canadian, aren't you?
I don't know if you guys know this.
I'm a lesbian from Akron, Ohio.
What are you talking about?
I don't know if you know that.
From Cincinnati, Ohio over here. Just a kid from Akron over here. What are you talking about? I don't know if you know that. From Cincinnati, Ohio over here.
Just a kid from Akron over here.
And then Cincy.
You and LeBaron.
Cincy over here.
My older sister went to Lido.
It's going to be hard to pick
what the headline is
from this podcast.
You know,
we're breaking a lot of news here.
Sean Jordan,
Christmas story,
excellent first pick.
Fantastic first pick.
Sean Jordan,
time for your first pick.
This old house
sure is looking good.
It's National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
That's like the only part that I can remember of that song.
But the second that movie comes on,
and I'm like, hip hip hooray, it's Christmas Vacation.
I love that movie.
My mom and I watch it.
Man, I haven't been home for Christmas in a few years.
It's bumming me out.
But we watch it every time I'm back. Man, I haven't been home for Christmas in a few years. It's bumming me out. But we watch it every
time I'm back for Christmas and it's just
perfect.
Where's the Tylenol? You know what scene is
like such a nice little comfort scene is
when he gets stuck in the attic and he starts
watching the old movies. It makes me
cry to this day. And it cuts back and he's wearing
all the clothes up there. It's like
old, real old style hats and
stuff. No, it really,
it really, really gets me that movie.
Every single part of it.
The shopping.
I love every part of that movie.
I'm a huge fan of the sledding disc scene
because I used to like,
I grew up on those things.
Like my dad tied me to the back
of a three wheeler once on a metal one.
Wow.
When I was like six or some shit.
Right there in Akron City Limits.
Right there in Akron City Limits. Right there in Akron City Limits.
Actually, it was a township.
But he took me to a church parking lot
that had a little bit of snow on it
and also some bare asphalt.
Yeah.
I said it, bare asphalt.
Bare asphalt.
And spun me around that shit
and I had to like put my hands
and my feet on the edges
because that shit got hot as hell.
Damn.
And I was throwing sparks everywhere
and he thought it was the funniest goddamn thing.
But when he gets on that and goes, later, dudes.
And then shoots down the fucking hill.
And it's just spinning around.
And then it cuts to the very obvious dummy of him.
Like, that, oh, it's so good.
I love it so much.
Yeah.
The movie is just perfect as far as I'm concerned.
Oh, my god.
Eddie, iconic.
Randy Quaid, the dog food.
The blessing. And he's like, doing where he wants to, the dog food. The blessing!
Doing where he wants to rip his face off.
The blessing!
The scene of him,
it's him and Chevy at the grocery store
and he's just loading
so much dog food right onto the light bulbs.
Chevy Chase gets the light,
Clark gets the light bulbs
and then he just kaboom goes the dynamite
with the dog food.
And it's called like, the dog food is such a specific, it's like old, old, I can't remember what it's called, but the brand is perfect too.
It's like the cheapest brand, but like the biggest bag.
It's another one of those, you age with it.
Yep.
It's not so much like I identified with the children, but the jokes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it sticks out where he's like, shitters full.
I didn't think that was funny when I was a kid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I didn't get that he was emptying shit from their RV that they live in.
Intoxic waste.
Into the neighbor.
Yeah, the neighbors.
It kind of looks like where I grew up.
Just like big ass houses and shit.
And I'm like, what would I do with some dudes in a bathrobe emptying poop into the gutter?
Smoking a cigar at what appeared to be
like eight in the morning.
Yeah, yeah.
Shedders full.
Shedders full.
Also, best casting of old people
when the old relatives show up
and they like can't really hear
and they're like talking to themselves.
Well, you keep touching it.
It's getting better.
The grandma brings a cat.
There's a cat in a box.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
God damn, that movie's funny.
The dude is the famous dude.
I can't remember that guy's name. His voice is in a lot of- I didn't do any research. Oh, and what's. God damn, that movie's funny. The dude is the famous dude. I can't remember that guy's name.
His voice is in a lot of-
I didn't do any research.
Oh, and what's his name?
Bill Murray's brother.
What's his name?
Oh, Brian Doyle Murphy.
Yeah, Brian Doyle Murphy.
John Randolph is Clark Griswold's dad.
Is that who we're talking about?
No.
I think he's like the great uncle or something.
And Diane Lane is in that shit.
Or not Diane.
Beverly D'Angelo.
Diane Ladd.
Diane Ladd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, my God. I'm blanking on everybody's name. lewis is in there briswold laura dern's mom is in diane ladd is
laura dern's mom oh really oh you can see it i didn't know that motherfucker yeah juliet lewis
used to be married to steve barrow is in there yeah yeah oh they got- Julie Louise Dreyfuss. Yeah. Oh, that's right. I don't know, Margo.
Hall of Famer, man.
Man.
In the speech where he's like, when they're asking Clark what he wants, he's like, you
know what I want?
Yeah.
And he's talking about getting his boss like hog tied and-
We're going to have the hap hap happiest Christmas.
It's like Bing Crosby tap dance with Danny fucking K.
Just the older you get, the stress in his voice.
You're like, I get it, dog.
I get it.
He wants that pool so bad.
I know.
Oh, what a bummer.
And when he's like, he's the, that scene.
And then the little kid shows up and he's like, uh.
Like, holding onto the.
Oh, also, when they're in the store and that girl's like.
Like, curtains of the.
That girl's showing him the underwear.
And he's like, not a log.
I don't have a log.
And I'm like, no one's ever called a boner a log.
Ever.
Not even when I was like eight was I like, oh, I got a log, bro.
Never.
And then he goes, when she goes, oh, you know, it is the season to be married.
She goes, that's my name.
No shit.
It's so funny. He just, he went through all that, tis the season to be married. She goes, that's my name. No shit. It's so funny.
He just, he went through all that, ran the gamut of his emotions and he's like, no shit.
Doesn't he say it's a nipply out?
Tidbit nipply.
Tidbit nipply.
Did I say nipple?
Barely see the line, can you, Russ?
Seriously, just filled with bangers
yeah
and then it all ends
on a good note
like I feel like
that's the
like the benchmark
of a good holiday movie
it ends like on the note
you want it to
yeah
even though it's
a National Lampoon
it's still like
a fucking Christmas movie
the best National Lampoon movie
out of all of them
oh yeah
oh yeah
that's for Vegas vacation
that or Dorm Crazy
no I'm kidding
well you watch
you watch those movies and you realize
how good of a physical comedian
Chevy Chase was.
Somebody clipped out something from
Vacation and I was like, damn dude
I want to be that. I want to be
the lesbian that. Put me in
Literally put me in
one of those and let me do that sandwich shit.
I will fucking do that and I will make
people laugh. We gotta get the real Butcher Christmas movie.
Yes!
The window when he's up in the attic and he's trying to get
that circle window, the wood thing,
and he keeps flipping it back and forth.
Pretty good.
I couldn't do that. I just couldn't.
You put me in front of that window, I'd be like,
yeah, it's not funny.
Chevy Chase makes it funny.
He makes everything funny. Too bad he's a dick.
He's a really sad person. he's a dick. Yeah,
I know.
What a bummer.
I remember finding that out
like,
no way.
And now he's,
even his like,
they tried to do some kind of
like big interview with him
where it was supposed to like
help revive some of his,
and then you're like reading it
and you're like,
no,
you're just a jerk.
It sucks.
It's like,
why can't you just be nice?
Like,
why can't you just be,
it's so easy.
Like all the people that were just nice to each other, like why do we have to like, you can't you just be it's so easy like all the people
that were just nice to each other
like why do we have to
like you don't have to do it.
Apparently he's been a dick
forever too.
Yeah forever.
Yeah that whole
medium talent thing.
Just a brutal dick.
What's the medium talent thing?
He used to
who was it that he was
feuding with?
Well him and Bill Murray
got in a fight
on SNL.
I can't fight tonight.
Bill Murray and Chevy Chase
were like feuding all the time.
Bill Murray called him, referred to him as a medium talent.
Damn, dude.
That is a brutal one.
Which is fucking cutting.
Not a lot of people can say that.
Bill Murray can say that.
Oh, yeah.
Because you're Bill Murray, dog.
Remember Coffee and Cigarettes, that old shitty movie?
With RZA, like, man, ain't you Bill Murray, dog?
That dude from Akron, Ohio.
The Coffee and Cigarettes guy?
Yeah.
Nice.
And also, by the way, yeah, I mean, John Hughes wrote the shit out of this.
Yeah, he did.
Oh, that's right.
Angelo Badalamenti is the composer on this.
He also was David Lynch's composer, is David Lynch's composer.
Oh, shit.
Everything.
So that is also something that I'm just like, oh, I love this about this movie.
What a tangled web.
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
Diane Ladd, also in Wild at Heart, David Lynch movie, starring Laura Dern.
There it is.
Put a button on it.
Now, should we go to the MacBook Club over here?
I get it.
Oh, yeah.
The MacBook Club.
Is it a coffee shop or what's happening?
Now we have to go to the Genius Bar for Calzacula from Glensylvania's pick.
Okay.
I'm really glad I got this one.
I'm going to take It's a Wonderful Life.
Oh, nice!
1946.
Dude, Jimmy Stewart was in World War I a year
before this movie got made.
World War II.
Dude, what if he wasn't in World War I?
And then there was Prohibition.
Just like huffing mustard gas
in a trench.
With one of those helmets with a pointy thing on the top.
Oh, maybe light police are shot up. on the top. Oh, it may be late, boys.
I shot up. Mr. Potter.
Oh, boys.
I'm out of bullets.
Got my iron cross on.
Meeting up
with the Kaiser later.
Does anyone have a banana clip?
I'm out. The horrors
of war. Oh, the Ottoman Turks
have been driving us crazy all day.
They said it's trench foot, but I don't know.
Could it be frostbite?
Frankly, I don't think Archduke Franz Ferdinand was that good of a guy.
I lost the plot.
This is where my ignorance shows, because I don't know anything about the war.
I just know that trench foot was a thing.
Franz Ferdinand, that's what set it all off, dude.
Well, we're going to need a League of Nations to keep this from ever happening again.
But then the U.S. didn't join.
They didn't do it.
They didn't join.
They didn't listen to us.
Because we've always sucked.
Yeah, we have.
We really have.
We've always sucked.
All the country, all the powers in the world were like, we need to, like, it was the first
U.N., the League of Nations.
Everybody chill out.
And the U.S. was just like, no.
We're going to pull some shit. We're going to pull some shit.
We're going to pull some shit.
Anyway, very much like It's a Wonderful Life.
Yeah, yeah.
But man, I think this movie is one that best exemplifies this, what I think is the spirit of Christmas.
Because it's a really, so I watched this recently at work, and it really holds up.
It really holds up because it's almost an inverse of another famous Christmas thing.
Sure.
Because he's a good person who does these things for these people, but the way that he views it, the way that he's taking it in, is that I'm sacrificing.
I should be doing i
should be going to college i should be playing football yeah i'm stuck in this town and i wanted
to get out and like doesn't realize like how much he is positively impacting that town sure and it's
like a movie that's like you feel like you know that town and it's really it's a i mean it's like
a long movie and it really doesn't get into like him seeing what his life is if he wasn't around
until like maybe the last half hour it's such a build-up and you see how important he was to that
town man and it's like oh it is uh also very anti ladies gentlemen that wasn't push a t that was yeah
very anti-capitalist message oh yeah that movie pretty socialist for sure and also by the way do
you know who like ruined the savings and loan industry no uh john mccain really this guy named
uh i think his name was john keating, basically did what happened with the housing industry back in the mid-80s, which is started investing and taking money from essentially old white people.
But we're talking about life savings, which amounted to $30,000.
So imagine if your life savings was $30,000 and then you lost that.
But essentially the same thing and it was um john glenn and uh john mccain and a couple other
senators called the keating five because they took money from keating as like political investments
and so then that dude got off and all these people lost all of their money and it sunk the building
and the savings and loan industry in this country which was the closest thing we had to like socialized banks right um so i love talking
about that oh yeah that dude died recently and everybody wanted to talk about what a maverick
he was but this was 1985 yeah seven and that dude did not give a shit about old white people and
then they still voted for him yeah but anyway it's a wonderful life oh no but those i had
it on vhs and i used to watch it all year round yeah because i related to george so hard because
i grew up in a place that at the time like everybody you know everybody just wanted to get
out and like my parents wanted like they had that feeling of like i gotta get out of here i gotta
get out of here i just had that feeling but i also just like it's a movie that you live in because it is so long
but you do feel like it's any town usa and it's like a family and this it's time travel too you
know it's back to the future so like of course i like love that movie oh for sure um and just
some point i feel like you're gonna say hey i got a back to the future tattoo yesterday
brought it up like four times i know i wish i wish I... I'm going to, eventually. It's just, you gotta figure out the right one.
Yeah, what is the right one? It's tough. It's real
tough. Everything is so iconic
in a way that I don't want on my body.
Your neck. Yeah, I gotta get just
Michael J. Fox on my neck.
Why are you bringing it up?
One of those fucking whole neck ones.
Just a whole neck tattoo of him looking at his
watch. You should go like, you should be like a SoundCloud
rapper and just get like face tattoos.
All over the place. Heavy. D should go like, you should be like a SoundCloud rapper and just get like face tattoos and get a full nose
Michael J. Fox.
Heavy,
density.
Yeah,
right,
yeah.
Density.
Density on my forehead.
You are my density.
Dream boat on my forehead.
Heard he's a dick too,
Crispin Glover,
which is unfortunate.
not great.
Well,
I think he's just real like,
is he real weird?
Yeah,
man.
And he's not a dick,
it's Frank Capra.
Yeah,
right.
Who directed the, who directed it's
anyway i mean how about also like the love story in that movie of her like leaning over and saying
to his ear which i've i've i'm gonna watch it obviously for the season right you know but um
i that the one thing that's nagging at me is does does she know that's his bad ear? Because she's such a young kid.
Oh, yeah.
And says, like, I'm going to marry you, George Bailey.
Does she say it to his bad ear on purpose?
Or is it, like, this part of this fate thing of, like, him not hearing that?
Also, when the pharmacist beats the shit out of him because he's, like, trying to stop a kid from dying.
And, like, then the kid dies.
Yeah, the pharmacist is
oh man yeah he just is so selfless and like yeah that just always struck a chord with me and the
fact that like that relationship you were like man he's a really good guy but he's not putting
the effort in on that relationship because he kind of keeps using her in the beginning as like well she's just around she'll just take it and he's like not a great dad
and so like that's another movie that just ends exactly how you want it he's back home yeah he's
like i love this i love everyone but there's a there's those moments like when they give the
martini or yeah it's the martinis they get their house and they they're like giving out bread so
that you know we'll have all this stuff.
There are those moments there
where they like clearly
love each other so much.
And also like when they're about
to go on their honeymoon
and then they have to turn around
because there's a run on the bank.
And then that woman's like,
oh, I guess I could just have $2.
And he's like, I love you.
And I'm like,
he's like,
Papa Dollar and Mama Dollar.
It's like so good.
And Uncle Billy,
like, oh my God.
And, oh, one interesting my god Drew Barrymore's grandfather
Oh what an interesting fact
I did research man
And this was crazy
So it was a box office flop
That's why it was on TV so much
The copyright
No one renewed the copyright
So then any person could broadcast it
And that's when it became.
That's when it blew up.
Yeah.
And then the colorized shit, that was weird.
Oh, I never saw the colorized.
There was a colorized version of it.
Oh, man.
I don't need that.
No, we don't need brown teeth in the movie.
Yeah.
Because they didn't do the teeth.
Yes.
Because you can't.
It's just like, you can't.
And it's crazy to see, there's like, one scene that always makes, is so wild to me, is is when they're it's in the beginning when he first meets what will become his wife at the dance.
Oh, yeah.
And then there's a pool underneath the floor and someone presses the button and everyone falls in the pool.
The kid from Little Rascals is the.
Oh, Alfalfa.
Yeah.
Alfalfa tries to dance with her and he cuts in and then he's like, oh, yeah, there's a pool under the floor and that button opens it up right there.
That's Alfalfa.
And they mentioned it earlier in the dialogue.
And I was like, how?
And it's crazy to me that there was that's how they did gems.
Whereas either a basketball court or a pool.
Right.
You got two options.
Go for it.
Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.
It's in that movie.
Chills.
That is a great quote.
Chills up the neck.
There it is.
Dog.
Boom.
It's a good one.
Hot corner.
I wanted to say it first, but I had to go with A Christmas Story.
Yeah.
There's a lot of like where you're like, oh, this is.
I know.
I mean, it is my favorite, I think, if I have to say favorites.
But if you're picking, if you're drafting, you got to go with. I know. I got one eating at me. You got to go with Mike Trout. You know what I mean? is my favorite I think if I have to say favorites but if you're picking if you're drafting you gotta go with
I know I got one eating at me
you gotta go with Mike Trout you know what I mean
I'm jumping right into the controversy
I love it
now I have a machine gun
in the first round
in the first round
it's the funnest
it's a fucking Christmas movie it is a Christmas fucking it's the funnest. It's a fucking Christmas movie.
It is a Christmas fucking movie, dude.
I hard come down on it's a Christmas movie.
It's happening during Christmas.
We live in LA.
We know what an LA Christmas feels like.
It adds to the tone, man.
Yes.
It totally does.
It is the tone.
It is the tone.
If you will.
I'm not the one that just got butt fucked on national television.
That line of like, whoa.
Whoa, John.
Mr. Takagi. Mr., John! Mr. Takagi.
Mr. Takagi.
Mr. Takagi.
Oh, that's good.
There it is.
Mr. Takagi.
Mr. Takagi.
Mr. Takagi.
Her, her, her.
Where's Lau?
Wait, that's not, that's a different movie.
That's a different movie.
Batman just showed up halfway through.
I need help.
Batman's like, John, I got this.
I need help.
But yeah.
Han, Takagi's invisible now.
They don't want to go current.
I'm not wearing Hanski pants.
Oh, we saw your boy Hansberger last night.
Yeah.
Hansberger.
Yeah, I think I straight up walked up.
I was like, David, man, do something about the hair.
God.
Have you seen David Hansberger lately? No., man, do something about the hair. God. Have you seen David Huntsberger lately?
No.
His hair is fucking wild.
Long hair.
Wild, all right.
Long hair.
You don't like it.
I like it.
He's perfect looking.
We're all going through some shit.
We're all going through some shit.
Look at my hair.
It's debated.
This is a benefit for being in a long distance relationship, because I can just look like
a fucking vagrant.
And Laura's like, just have it fixed by Christmas.
Yeah, right.
All right, tidy it up. Yeah, it'll be all grown out as long just have it fixed by Christmas. Yeah, right. All right, tidy it up.
Yeah, it'll be all grown out
as long as I want it
by Christmas.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude, John McClane,
Nakatomi Plaza,
Nakatomi Tower.
So I'm sure
we brought it up before,
but your boy, Shane Torres,
fell asleep during that movie.
We went and saw that in theater.
That movie is nothing short
of what they call,
what the kids are saying,
action-packed. And Shane just saw and logs 10 seconds theater. That movie is nothing short of what they call, what the kids are saying, action-packed.
And Shane just saw and logs 10 seconds in.
Before he even got to Nakatomi Plaza.
The only part of that movie that's not action-packed is when they're in the airport and he's like,
fucking California, man.
All because a woman runs up and hugs her dude and they kiss.
And Bruce Willis is like, what do you mean?
Everyone's not chain-smoking, talking shit to taxi drivers?
Fucking California, man.
California. What about your boy Hart Bochner in this movie?
Who's that? Is that the Hans? Boobie?
Yeah, Hans. Boobie.
I can give him to you.
I can give him to you.
I did his fucking beard.
Harry Ellis, man. He's so great.
He's such a great ass terrible guy.
What is it? Harry?
Is that what he said? Harry Ellis.
You don't know these guys. Shut the fuck up. What'd you tell them that what he said? Harry Ellis, yeah. Harry, you don't know
these guys.
Shut the fuck up.
What'd you tell them?
He's clearly trying
to get down
with Bonnie Bedelia.
Yes.
Bonnie Bedelia.
Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie,
Bonnie, Bonnie Bedelia.
Why don't they make
movies like that anymore?
I don't know.
It's like a deep bench
of people that have been
in other shit
and you're like,
oh, fuck yeah.
I just miss that.
Yep.
You know what I mean?
I just miss it.
And maybe that's me getting older, but I don't know.
The plot is just like terrorists taking over a building.
Like, let's have that be it.
Taking over Skynet.
Yeah.
The rest of the movie will do itself.
It's the Skynet building.
Well, they tried to.
Same shit.
Same parking lot.
It wasn't like Skyscraper or whatever, that rock movie.
Dude, that was bad.
Get the fuck out.
Really?
I didn't like it
what did you just say
that's Sky
it is
yeah
it's the same parking lot
the Terminator building
oh
oh shit
I didn't know that
and it's also
Terminator 2
is it in like
Reseda or something
I think so yes
yeah
no it's in
Studio City
it's not far from
where we are yet
awesome
that other like
clump of Skyscrapers
out west
they are clumpy out here
yeah they clump they clump it's likerapers out west. They are clumpy out here. Yeah, they clump.
They clump.
It's almost like a buddy action movie, but the buddies never meet until the very end.
Yeah.
Oh, I love it.
I like those.
Yes.
With Reginald Val Johnson, that's sort of like.
In his whole storyline, it kind of, I don't know if I like that movie as much without
Reginald.
Like it really, you kind of need that.
Oh, you need Reggie.
Oh God.
Johnson and Johnson
the two FBI dudes
both named Johnson
Robert Modavi
is that the guy's name
I don't know
he was in the Goonies
one of those dudes
I think was in Colors
I think that black dude
was in Colors
yeah
Deep
Argyle's type
Argyle is type
is Toblowski in this movie
I feel like
Toblowski
yeah Stephen Toblowski
the guy who played
Jugo
yeah I mean he should be.
It's a shame that Tobolowsky is not in Die Hard.
The guy who played Viggo in Ghostbusters 2 is one of the henchmen.
Yes, he is.
Oh, yeah.
Alan Rickman's American accent.
I'll tell you what.
If you go down a Wikipedia wormhole in that guy's life, it is wild.
He was a bad dude, wasn't he?
Alexander Gordon-Wolfe.
He was a ballet dancer.
God, that's bad. He was a member of the Bolshoi. Alexander Gordonov. He was a ballet dancer. God, that's bad.
He was a member of the Bolshoi.
Crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, that's how I know him.
Deep shit.
You know, Sean's a big Bolshoi head.
Bar method.
He defected from the USSR.
Okay, so this dude, Alexander Gordonov,
on August 21st, 1979,
while on tour with the Bolshoi in New York City,
Gordonov contacted authorities
and asked for political asylum.
Wow.
And after discovering his absence,
the KGB responded by putting his wife,
a soloist for the company,
on a plane to Moscow,
but the flight was stopped before takeoff.
Wow.
After three days with involvement
by President Jimmy Carter.
It's just Die Hard 2.
So Carter and Brezhnev
were satisfied that Vlasova
had chosen to return to the Soviet Union of her own free will, so she wanted to go back.
Wow.
Oh, they made a movie about it.
Flight 222.
Wow.
Damn.
Wow.
It does not end well for this man.
I'll say that.
Does it not?
No, he's not a good guy.
Oh, oh.
Yeah, you find out that he is a terrible human.
Drink alcohol to excess.
You know, I guess I suck then.
That's probably the nicest thing you could say about him.
Well, you know, he's a good henchman.
Great henchman.
He dies in the movie, so that's good.
Great Carpathian.
One of my favorite Carpathians.
That's all I can say for him.
Yeah, this movie is just like, I love all, like, I love so many Christmas movies.
Oh, sure.
But this one, it's just like a fun little spin on it.
You know what I mean?
Maybe you watch it after the kids go to bed, the little kids, you know?
Right.
If Die Hard pops on, especially when it's cold out.
It pops off.
It pops off.
If it pops on, it pops off.
If it pops on, it pops off.
And then we keep it popping.
It's just like textbook action.
I mean, I just love it.
Everything about it, just perfect.
I mean, honestly, I don't have one.
I really don't have one complaint about that movie.
No, there's not.
The scene where they run into each other, Hans and the American accent, it's perfect.
Oh, my God.
It is so good.
I remember.
It's one of those movies where I remember my mom going to see it and then coming home
and being excited to tell me stuff from it.
Like being real excited.
How he smokes that gnarly cigarette and that's how he knows he's.
So he gives him the gun with no bullets that's how he knows he's a,
so he gives him the gun with no bullets in it.
Yeah.
Just like fucking.
Hans,
Bubby.
Clever.
Hans,
Bubby,
I can give them to you.
His fucking lip,
God,
that guy bugs the shit
out of me.
Not until that movie
I saw it in HD
did I realize like
the coke nose
that he has.
Oh,
big time.
In the office.
Yeah.
You miss him.
When he stands back
he goes,
show him the watch.
Yeah, that guy is not
trying to slyly do that
but he's perfect
at that role
that's my first
that's my first pick
second pick
I gotta keep it
I gotta keep it
for movies that were current
when I was on the come up
and I'm taking Home Alone
nice
yeah
great soundtrack
great soundtrack
this is where I tell you
you've never seen
Home Alone
I'm kidding
another John Hughes
script
what kind of joke
is that
another John Hughes
joint
you should be ashamed
of yourself
do you remember
when we were kids
and Home Alone
was the Thanksgiving
night movie
and you were like
alright it's Christmas
now
it's Christmas time
cause Home Alone
is on
I watched that
with my 7 year old
nephew and he was
totally in it
the way that movie looks like the film stockold nephew, and he was totally in it. Yeah.
Because it's-
The way that movie looks, like the film stock they use for that thing, the kitchen in that
house, like that movie is, I would say, 75% of why I wanted to move to Chicago and live
there.
And when I lived there, the first year I went on a John Hughes No Booze cruise, and we went
to all the filming locations we could, and we went to that house.
And as we pulled up to that house, a fucking red Porsche pulled up.
So it looked like the pizza delivery, except it was a Porsche.
And it was just a cool moment.
Sure.
But yeah, went there, and then the church, which is not close at all.
But yeah.
Way different part of Chicago.
Way different neighborhood.
Now, that city doesn't have a huge traffic, right?
Yeah, yeah. It's probably a smooth ride.
Yeah, exactly.
Smooth, smooth ride. Look what you did,
you little jerk. Look what you did, you little jerk.
Even as a kid, I saw that and I'm like,
God, that scene of him drinking Pepsi
and looking over is...
Kieran Culkin, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, Kieran Culkin.
Keep the change, you filthy animal.
When he fucking, when that old, when his uncle calls him
a jerk, I'm like, even as a kid, I'm like,
I would fucking look up. If I saw
an old person call a little kid a jerk like that, I'd even as a kid, I'm like, I would fucking look up. If I saw an old person call a little kid
a jerk like that, I'd be like, hey, you fucking
dickhead. Get the fuck out of my house.
That uncle is such a dick, that whole movie.
He's such a cheapskate. He's a real crystal.
Put him in your bag. Put him in your purse.
Put him in your purse. Sorry, I spilled
some fucking milk on the pizza,
bro. Like champagne, get over it.
Champagne, fill her up. Fill her up, please.
To the top. That's what it is.. Fill her up please. Up, up, up, up, up, up. To the top.
That's what it is. When the pizza guy comes in
and he goes, they're like, it's
$82.50. He goes, ah, it's not my house.
It's my
brother's house. My brother's house.
What about your boy Gus Wansky? Traveler's checks.
What a...
I never had a traveler's check.
I did. The first time I left Ohio, I had
traveler's checks. I never had one. What is a traveler's check? I did. The first time I left Ohio, I had traveler's checks. I never had one.
I did not.
What is a traveler's check?
It's just you just gave it to a bank.
You could go to that.
If somebody steals it from you, it has no value.
It has some other tab.
You have to have two parts or something.
I don't know.
There's not.
What a wild thing.
Nobody can forge it.
Nobody can cash it.
You have to have ID with it or something, which is like it makes your life way more complicated.
The Polka King of the Midwest.
You know, that scene is completely improvised when he tells the funeral story with the toddler.
Is it really?
Yes.
And so when you watch it this time, because that's the thing is like, John Candy.
I did live in a funeral once.
What a little tyke.
What a genius.
They're resilient, those kids.
They snap right back.
But for a week or two,
he was pretty shook up.
But you have to watch
Catherine O'Hara in that
because he's completely,
I mean, she is like,
she's in it.
Because that is,
she's the unsung hero.
She's so good in it.
She has to play it so straight
and she's so funny.
I mean, she has to just
take that in
without reacting whatsoever because she knows this is going in the movie. Yeah's so funny. I mean, she has to just take that in without reacting whatsoever because she knows, like,
this is going in the movie.
Yeah.
And, like, she's just like.
Yeah.
Trying to act like he's just some gibson.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
I'm in the back of a tree.
I'm sorry I brought it up.
You ever heard of us?
The Kenosha Kickers?
Kenosha Kickers.
Kiss me, Polka.
Kiss me, the Midwest?
Yeah, but he hasn't seen his kids in a year.
Polka, Polka, Polka.
Polka, Polka.
Polka, Polka.
Well, anyways, pretty, you know, sold a couple records.
Wait for us.
Moved about, what, 73 of those?
It's like such a low number.
Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci are amazing.
The wet bandits, the sticky bandits.
When he slips, when he goes back out,
forgets that the ice is on the thing.
Oh, my God.
How great is Joe Pesci?
He says the tarantula on his face
and he's just like,
I can't,
I don't want to scream, Marissa,
but like he just,
that is the best scream.
Don't move.
And how great of an actor is Joe Pesci
that he can be in Casino and Goodfellas
and just be,
you're so scared
and then there you're like,
what a nincompoop.
What a nincompoop.
What an idiot. A nincompoop. What a nincompoop.
Come back.
Come back.
Oh, I can't wait. That kid looked at me.
It's just so fun.
It's the perfect, like when you're a kid and like
independence is the coin of the realm
and you want it so bad.
You're like, oh wow. Like this kid, you know.
It's like what the Disney channel tries to do
where it's like smart kids, stupid adults.
Right.
But like done in a.
Yeah.
Perfectly.
Perfectly.
Perfectly.
And then like the John Hughes part of it where there is like with Catherine O'Hara where they're like, no, this is like a real person having a real reaction to leaving their kid.
You know what kills me is.
Because this is the first one that really did that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like smart kid, dumb adults.
But it's not, it's not, there's no pretense to it right because you're
just like this kid is lost this kid is home alone it's not like he he didn't orchestrate any of it
and those other movies are like they because they can't just do home alone again so they have to
make this whole premise of right and it's like i can't no no no no i just want to see this thing
happen yeah and you're like because that you think this is what I would do if I was home alone.
Yes. And John Hughes is perfect at it too.
Like all those little, I
don't hate, I try not to say hate, but
when people pick shit
apart though, when they're like, well, that would never happen.
Shut the fuck up. Who gives a shit?
Die Hard probably ain't going to happen either.
That's why it's a movie.
I'll tell you what, from the moment he wakes
up till like the moment when the robbers come
and he has the mac and cheese, that's basically
your 20s and 30s.
How he's just pigging out on ice cream.
He's like,
hey, boss, I'm up in your room.
I'm looking at junk.
I'm watching trash and eating rubbish.
You better come up and tap me.
Buzz's girlfriend.
So that was the same.
And then he's all like, oh, nobody has clothes. Buzz's girlfriend. Woof. So that was the same. That was Buzz.
And then he's all like, oh, nobody has clothes.
And throws the magazine.
So the picture of Buzz's girlfriend was Buzz with a wig on.
No way.
No, it's not.
Where did you get that from?
Okay, well, because from what I understand, Christopher Columbus was like, I don't, I feel bad putting an actual girl's picture in that because of the joke.
So they dressed up Buzz with like a wig on.
I mean, that's nice of him.
Yeah.
It just doesn't, wow.
It's very like burned into my memory what that photo looks like.
Right.
Like that.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
I'm sorry I doubted you, Zach.
That's okay. I mean, good call you're right. I'm sorry I doubted you, Zach. That's okay.
I mean, good call, Christopher Columbus.
Really good call.
Oh, man.
I love knowing that.
All the traps are amazing.
When they're climbing the rope.
Can I just say, the oldest sister that is counting them out, is she not the hottest?
Oh, yeah. Huge crush on that person. Absolutely. the oldest sister that like is counting them out is she not the hottest yeah oh yeah
huge crush on that person
man
absolutely
cause that style of coat
plus that perm
in that moment of time
was like
did she have earmuffs on too
maybe
man
no I don't think she had earmuffs on
I think the French
the like
oh
les incompatons
les incompatons
also bring me back
something French
does it
does it have four wheel drives?
I don't know, kid.
I told you to stop bothering me.
I don't know, kid.
Get out of here.
Hilary Wolf was her name.
Yeah, she's hot.
You know what's crazy?
She's so hot.
She turned out to be a judo champion.
What?
Oh my God, even hotter.
She became a judo champion.
Is her phone number in there?
Yeah, it's 503.
She lives in Portland.
I thought so. She was in Portland. I thought so.
She was in the Olympics for judo.
What?
Oh, my God.
That's gnarly.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Tight.
Fucking cool.
The opposite of being a companion.
And a partridge in a pear tree.
Zach, it's time for your second pick.
Oof.
Let's keep it spicy.
That's my bad.
All right.
Man, it's just too dank to talk about.
This stuff's so fun.
Yeah, there's so much on the board, but I am going to go with-
On your MacBook.
This is more of an adult one, but I'm going to go Bad Santa.
Oh, yes.
Oh, yes.
You're not going to shit right for a week.
That kills me.
John Ritter.
What a piece of shit.
Bernie Mac.
That kills me.
John Ritter.
What a piece of shit. Bernie Mac.
The scene where John Ritter is trying to explain why they should get rid of Billy Bob Thornton.
And Bernie Mac's just eating that orange.
Oh my God.
And John Ritter can't quite say what he heard.
He's like, he said he was with a plus size woman.
I wasn't ready for how gnarly that movie was.
Yeah, it's gnarly.
Everyone's like, dude, this movie's buck.
Guys, I haven't seen it.
You've never seen it?
I need to see it.
It's gnarly.
Is that what you're telling me?
Yeah, all right.
It's a type of movie.
It's a type of movie.
It's a specific mood.
I'm picking up what you're putting down.
It's very vulgar.
You know the plot and everything?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what it is?
Yeah, yeah.
But yeah, Billy Bob Thornton is just a hammered
all the time.
Phoenix too, aren't they?
Sorry, I'm not...
We go so hard on Phoenix.
I feel like Phoenix understands it all.
Phoenix doesn't have Christmas written on it.
That's pretty fucked up.
That's almost like the funny part
is when he leaves the mall, you're like,
oh yeah, he stands out.
He's going to bars with the Christmas suit on.
There's puke on it.
He's pissing.
He's pissing himself while there's kids on him.
He's just a nightmare.
Lauren Graham, right?
Yeah.
Lorelai Gilmore.
Lorelai.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I'm not a Gilmore boy yet.
I will be.
I guarantee you, I'll love that show.
She is so beautiful.
Yeah. She's perfect. Oh, my God. movie just as crazy almost as he is so fucking beautiful
she's so fucking beautiful this woman you gotta see this woman what are you doing you know she's
in the movie she's in this bad scene in the movie but then you know she can also play this
sort of character you know you know, she's like a mother.
She's like this beautiful
single mother, you know.
She's doing the best she can,
you know.
Man, if you fucking
really talk like that.
She's doing, you know,
she's doing the best she can.
They live in Stars Hollow.
It's in Connecticut.
It's a small town.
She's doing the best she can,
you know.
That's why that's all.
I don't want to spoil anything.
She's doing the best she can.
I'm just picturing you, like,
pitching something to Corden
like that.
It's like, hey, man,
I'm still as talented,
but this is how I talk now.
Here's what it's going to be.
It's you, it's Mariah Carey
in the front of a car, right?
Okay, you start singing her songs. Maybe there's a little band thing in between.
We call it Compoke.
We call them Jimmy now.
Jimmy, listen to me.
Jimmy Corden.
Jimmy Corden, I got a million dollar idea for you.
Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.
Jimmy, come here.
All right, it's you, it's Iggy Azalea, you're in the front of a car, all right?
She's rapping, you rap too.
You know, that's what it is.
Maybe that one's not as good as the Mariah Carey one.
I don't know.
Okay, it's you and Adele.
Jimmy.
Jimmy, hey, hey, hey.
Yeah.
Bad Santa, bro.
Bad Santa.
I think it was written
by one of the Coen brothers.
What?
Helped do the screenplay.
They don't do everything together.
I thought they did
every single thing together.
Are you talking about
script doctoring
or something like that?
You know, I don't know
at what level they were involved.
Sure, yeah.
But I'm pretty sure
or maybe they helped produce it.
It was written by Glenn Ficarra
and John Requa. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. I could have told you that. but I'm pretty sure or maybe they helped produce it. It's also what Carrie Fisher did to basically every movie we've ever seen.
And John Requa.
Oh yeah.
Well yeah.
I could have told you that.
Maybe they produced it.
Cohen.
Prior to filming
Ethan and Joel Cohen
and Zweigoff
did rewrites on the script.
Oh okay.
Although by WGA rules
they were uncredited.
Yeah Terry Zweigoff
was who directed it.
He did Ghost World.
Throw that at me like that's dope.
Jack Nicholson and Bill Murray were both interested in playing the role of Willie, but they were
already feeling something's got to give and lost in translation, respectively.
Man.
The relationship with him and the kid.
Billy Bob killed it, though.
Yeah.
Your name is Thurman Merman?
Thurman Merman.
The grandma. Let me makeman Merman. The grandma.
Let me make you some sandwiches.
Bad Santa.
Bad Santa.
Sean Jordan, what would be your second pick?
Scrooged.
Ah, yes.
I'm happy I got it.
I wasn't sure if anyone was going to go there, but it's so funny.
Bill Murray is so, so wickedly funny in that movie.
Wickedly funny.
And it's weird because he, like, it's one of the movies where he makes the whole thing.
It's all Bill Murray.
I just, I absolutely love that movie.
Triple, double, no assists?
You're not giving any credit to Karen Allen?
Karen Allen, dude.
Yeah, Karen Allen.
Come on.
Marion?
I love Karen Allen.
Who's the, is it Jack Palance, the old dude?
Jack Palance? His boss, is it Jack Palance, the old dude? Jack Palance?
His boss,
is it Jack Palance?
Oh,
I'm my number one.
Okay.
That was something.
Robert Mitchum.
That's who it is?
Robert Mitchum.
Oh,
yeah.
That movie just fucking rules.
Bobcat's in it.
Bobcat's in it.
Yeah.
Bobcat.
Elliot Ladermilk's leaving early today.
He's just like getting off on firing someone.
Looking out of his telescope.
He's so high up.
He has to look through a telescope to see the person he just fired get thrown out of the building.
L.A. Ladermilk's leaving early today.
I need to know everything about a guy named Bryce.
He's an L.A. slime ball.
He's an L.A. slime ball.
I need to see this movie.
It's been forever since I've seen this movie.
In a minute.
It's good.
His dad gives him a fucking piece of veal for Christmas, and he's crying.
He's like, Niagara Falls, Frank.
He goes, it's a nice piece of meat.
Any kid would be happy to get that.
Yeah.
Because he's a butcher, right?
Or something.
Yeah.
Don't sit too close to the TV, honey.
You'll rot your eyes.
The movie's so good.
Yeah.
It's just so good.
Good movie.
And it just goes through his whole life. And I absolutely love that movie. Scroo Yeah. It's just so good. Good movie. And it goes through, it just goes through his whole life
and you know,
I just,
I absolutely love that movie.
Scrooged.
And again,
ends on a happy note.
And it feels like the end
might have been a little improvised too
which is real fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I enjoy that.
Well,
Charles Dickens would have wanted
to see your nipple.
The dancers.
Yeah.
Scrooged.
Good shit.
I'm in.
Is it me now?
Scrooged it up.
Ria, it's time for your second and third picks. Second and third picks. Yeah. Is third pick, Scrooge. Good shit. I'm in. Is it me now? Scrooge it up. Rhea, it's time for your
second and third picks.
Second and third picks.
Yeah.
Is third pick final pick?
No.
No.
We're going five rounds.
Oh my God.
We'll go speed round.
We'll step on the last one.
Great, great, great, great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
So with that in mind,
I'm going to throw
two curveballs in.
Hopefully everybody enjoys it.
Well, you're a baseball fan.
Yeah, I am a huge baseball fan.
Listen to my podcast,
Three Swings.
It's in the off season reviewing movies. Anyways. my first one is gonna be one that probably nobody in this room has seen
family man oh it's nicholas cage nicholas cage rat rat in her joint yeah
so that's yeah it's where he is it the one where he switches families basically he doesn't switch
families he's like a you know investor or whatever and it's like a bachelor and all this shit and then he's got the talk and you
may find yourself it's got that song in the trailer exactly and uh it's the scene where he
goes when he's getting ready in his like fucking big room or whatever but oh that's right yeah yeah
it's got that in the trailer but i it's a reverse it's a wonderful life he gets the life that he
thought he might have had with uh taylor leone somebody that they you know they broke up or got that in the trailer but i it's a reverse it's a wonderful life he gets the life that he thought
he might have had with uh taylor leone somebody that they you know they broke up or whatever and
then they have like kids and all this shit but it's actually like a really sweet cute funny like
jeremy fucking piven isn't it oh wow you know he like runs a tire shop or whatever you know it's
like it's just actually he works for her dad right her dad owns the tire shop and he's like the
manager whatever he's the manager.
It's very sweet.
Like, Taya Leone and Nicolas Cage together.
It's just cute.
And I just love a good Cage movie.
I'm a big Cage fan, big Cage match fan.
You love a Nick Cage match?
Love a Nick Cage match. This is a good Cage.
This is a good Cage.
It's hard to tell a good Cage from a bad.
This is a good Cage.
This is a good Cage because he's like doing the family comedy thing and it's like real fun.
And it's really believable.
It is actually really believable.
It's just a fun one to throw on, I think.
He kills it.
I just watched it.
I like it a lot.
I want to say two months ago it was on HBO.
When you're just running through and you're like, oh, shit, Family Man.
I'm going to watch that.
I guess I'm up until two tonight.
It's fun.
There's some fun stuff with him and the kid because the kid knows what's up.
I don't know.
It's good shit.
No, I'm in.
I like it a lot.
I like that movie a lot. You're right, though. though that wasn't on the list it's not on the list
and then my other one is batman returns yeah bang bang bang yes i thought i might be able to
snake that in the fifth round i got it i should have known i'm going early with this yeah yeah
max shrek some weird ass shit remember as a kid when you went to see that and you're like, what is
happening? So much of it.
So through the whole thing, you're like, oh,
it's like this. Tim Burton goes
full Tim Burton. Full Tim Burton.
I would say this is even more
Tim Burton than Tim Burton. I think this is
maybe one of the Tim Burton-est.
Tim Burton-est. Without him
doing the fucking Johnny Depp, Willy Wonka
parody. No, no, yeah. Almost parody of himself.
No, no, no, no, no.
Because this is 1989, right?
Or 1991.
It's early.
It's in that region.
He went hard in the paint.
This is his white zombie, you know.
More Tim Burton than Tim Burton.
Exactly.
Sure.
That's what I was alluding to, yes.
I know that song.
More Tim Burton than you, man.
We were all thinking of that joke.
Are you illustrating it?
She said the most Tim Burton, Tim Burton.
More Tim Burton than Tim Burton.
No, I got it. No, that was the joke we were all thinking of. You just got to it first it? She said the most Tim Burton, Tim Burton. More Tim Burton than Tim Burton.
No, that was the joke we were all thinking of.
You just got to it first.
Rob Zombie crawled into my brain.
We were all clawing to say that.
He took his Dragula all the way to my brain.
But I love the production design of the whole thing
with the Christmas, there's Christmas lights on everything,
it's snowing all the time, and like-
The toys that are like the big toys
yeah the stuff at the end
with Catwoman
and the snow
and the blood in the snow
Oswald Cobblepot
really gets me
Oswald Cobblepot
yeah it's real good
and oh my god
all that black shit
coming out of his mouth
oh it's so weird
yeah
but Michelle Pfeiffer
in that fucking cat suit
come on
come on
when she
when she just licks
his fucking face
you're like
dog I'm six
I am very young I'm six six. I am very young.
I'm six over here.
I am very young, but this is working for me.
I don't know why I like this.
Yeah, move the needle a little bit for sure.
We're like, hell yeah.
Move the needle.
Yes.
I feel something below my stomach.
Below it.
My second tummy.
Yeah, my second tummy.
Hello.
And I feel like food won't quench this.
I don't know.
This is a hunger.
That scene where she's like,
the boss throws her out of the window
and then she comes back to her apartment.
Oh, yeah.
And it's like the way the shadows
and there's like,
she has like a pink neon sign on the wall
and she's just ripping shit out
and her hair is crazy.
Also very attracted to her as the mousy pre-
Oh, yeah.
It's only a Kyle. Like, Selena Kyle can get it. ripping shit out and her hair is crazy. Also very attracted to her as the mousy pre- Oh, yeah. I know.
It's like a Kyle.
Oh, yeah. I don't think Kyle can get it.
When they take someone
beautiful like that
and they try to make them
look disheveled,
you're like,
you can't.
It's still in there.
You just got to rub
poop all over or something.
I mean, there's no doing it.
Still, I'd be like,
you want a shower in my place?
You're like a hot socialist
from 2018.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, seriously.
They try to do that
with like Susan Sarandon
and shit and you're like, come on. It doesn't matter. What are we doing here? What are we doing? You can't cover up the Sarandon. All They try to do that with Susan Sarandon and shit, and you're like, come on.
It doesn't matter.
What are we doing here?
What are we doing?
You can't cover up the Sarandon.
All she had to do was fuck up an election, and I'm like, I'm not attracted to you anymore.
Until then, that's all she had to do.
Fuck with some votes, yeah.
And still, even then, she can get it.
Right.
She can still get it.
Come on, she can still get it.
I'll just forget that you talked about Jill Stein.
Fun mad sex.
I can cover that up with a bag, right?
Yeah, right?
I can cover up your soul with a bag.
Stand at this angle where I forget that you...
Where I forget about Jill Stein.
Batman Returns is so good.
Yeah, fantastic.
Man, I'm getting...
We might have to throw on a Christmas movie tonight at this Fortress.
I love it.
Sean, do you want to turn for your third pick?
Man, I'm torn. I'm going to go... Nothing's right. Nothing's right, I love it. Yeah. Sean, do you want to turn for your third pick? Man, I'm torn.
I'm going to go.
Nothing's right.
Nothing's right.
I'm torn.
You got it.
I'm going to go Love Actually.
Okay.
I love it.
I love romantic comedies.
Do you hate that movie?
I just, look, I love that
you love it.
This is how I feel about
these things.
I'm not here to like shit
on your life.
Go for it.
Go for it.
But I just fucking hate
that movie so fucking much.
So there's the terrible storyline with Hugh Grant and the secret.
That's a horrible one.
But the other ones, the Thompson one is horrible too.
Well, it's not, so it's upsetting and like it's depressing, but it's not a bad movie.
It's real.
It's a real fucking storyline.
Sure, no, I get it.
And the rest of it, some of it's campy, but a lot of it's, I agree with you, a lot of it's
shitty, like where Rick Grimes is trying to
fuck his friend's wife. You're like, you're a horrible,
but that's real life.
I also love romantic comedies.
Do you tell Idgifor that it's the friend, and then
the woman is
Keira Knightley.
And Rick Grimes, so it's
some of those are tricky,
but I just, I love romantic comed those are tricky but I just I love romantic
comedies. I hear you. I love
the movie and ultimately
things work out. Yes.
And also that little girl who sings
All I Want for Christmas
she absolutely floors
me. You know what I mean? In the chorus
scene at the end of the movie. I've watched that
200 times. Just
that little scene and and it gives me goosebumps
every single time I see it. The Liam Neeson
storyline is probably my favorite one.
Him and the Son. It's Taken, right?
It's the movie Taken.
That's what got him into Taken. He's like, wow,
life's over now. I haven't seen Love Actually. I've never
seen it. You've never seen Taken?
I haven't seen Taken either. I haven't seen
Love Actually. Neither one. It's like a
series of different... Oh yeah, I know
what it is. Okay. And their anthologies.
Oh right, How Stupid of Me.
13 conversations about one thing.
You've never seen it, but you know what it is?
Marissa, turn Zach's mic off.
Thank you.
Yeah, I kind of figured it was going to be
a tricky pick because a lot of people
have takes on it, but for me,
I just like it and i really
like um who's the dude from underworld the the guy who's like the the singer who oh yeah that
storyline fucking rocks oh yeah i like that one uh you disagree i just don't like it yeah it's so
but but again i'm happy for you and that you like it it's not i'm not it's just it splits
yeah splits and i'm on the other side.
That's all.
Definitely does.
That's it.
Is it Hugh Grant being the prime minister?
Is that what it is? Yeah, I can't buy that.
Billy Bob's in there too, playing the prick president.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
The American president.
And I do like when Hugh Grant just sticks up.
I like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Love Actually and what else are we going to watch today?
Taken.
Taken.
Love Actually and Taken.
Back to back again.
Over Buffalo Wings.
Liam to Liam.
Counts Acula.
Okay.
This one, I'm going to take Nightmare Before Christmas.
Hell yeah, dude.
That is, man.
I'm not, I don't dislike musicals, but it's very hard for me to get into movies that are
like, that songs or original songs
are like kind of
a big part of it
wait until you see
Fiddler on the Roof though
this is
this is
man I love this movie
oh yeah
it was a movie
it's like
I liked it so much
that you know
when people went nuts
and bought like
Jack Skellington
everything
hoodies and shirts
I was like
it was the one thing
where I was like
I get it
you talking about my mom
did you look at my mom's closet
recently I guess so many people for days like and shirts. I was like, it was the one thing where I was like, I get it. You talking about my mom? Did you look at my mom's closet recently?
I get so many people
for days.
Like Nightmare Before Christmas
tattoos.
Yes.
It's a very serious,
that's a part of the country
I'm from.
A lot of just walking
Spencer's Gifts
human beings.
Exactly.
Absolutely.
I knew some of those
in Portland, Oregon.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Some of that Portland
beyond the Portland area.
A lot of invader Zim
shit. Yeah, so much of that.
Yeah, yeah.
This may surprise you.
Are you sure that you want
this on your boat?
Yeah.
All right.
Invader Zim.
Back when I did a lot of improv,
I knew some people
with Invader Zim tattoos.
I know that might shock the listeners.
Zip, zap, zim, you know?
Oh, my God.
That was for you
and your improv.
Is that an improv game?
It is.
Zip, zap, zop. Zip, zap, zop. What is it? It was that an improv game it is zip zap zap
zip zap zap
what is it
it was a perfect joke
oh zip zap zap
was a
it's a warm up
it's a warm up
like zip
and then you have to
throw a zap to somebody
so you have to be
in the moment
to know which thing
happens next
we used to do stand up
at an improv theater
in Portland quite a bit
and they'd like
and they wanted us
to get there early
and do the fucking
warm ups with them
and we're like,
the comics had to get in
there an hour before the show.
This is not what I do.
So I can sit here
and listen to fucking Tupac
an hour before the show
as opposed to doing it
in my house
like I was gonna do?
Yeah, that shit.
Throw me the imagination.
Not, whatever.
But Nightmare Before Christmas, dude.
You ever been on
the Disneyland ride?
I have not.
No.
God, it's so fun
around the holidays
when they do
the Nightmare Before Christmas theme. It's fucking rad. The Haunted Mansion. the disneyland ride i have not no god it's so fun around the holidays when they do the nightmare
before christmas theme it's fucking rad the haunted mansion it's such a beautiful looking
movie like the kind of the stopping stop motion animation and like the way that the environment
in those move in that movie is like also moving like when he's walking on the hills and it's like
unfoiling so the uncle or whatever from National Lampoon
is the scientist voice and Catherine O'Hara is the
is that not the one? Yeah, Catherine O'Hara
is the... What's her name?
What's her name in the movie?
Yeah, I wish. The girl?
In Nightmare Before Christmas? Yeah, she's the one who
sews herself together.
I just can't think of her name, but yeah, I think it's Catherine O'Hara's
voice. What a tangled web we're
weaving here, dude. We're all in there. Billy Bob Thornton's been in two of these. Tim Burton, Billy, I think it's Catherine O'Hara's voice. What a tangled web we're weaving here, dude. We're getting all in there.
Billy Bob Thornton's been in two of these.
Tim Burton, Billy Bob Thornton, Catherine O'Hara.
Whatever that uncle's name is.
But also, it's a Christmas movie that had, like, so all those songs are original.
So it's like a whole other thing.
Danny Elfman on the beat.
Oh, man.
Danny Elfman on the beat.
Danny Elfman on the beat.
Danny boy.
Danny.
Damn, son. Is this Danny Elfman on the beat Danny Elfman on the beat Danny boy Danny Damn son
Is this Danny Elfman?
Damn son
I didn't know what that was
Danny son
What the beat drop they're doing
They had to show me on YouTube
It's ridiculous
I never heard that when I was a kid
It happens
Yeah
We're like
Damn son
Where'd you find this?
And then there would be a rap song
Damn son
DJ Iceberg
It is Catherine O'Hara Sally Sally There it is Yeah Sally and then there would be a rap song. Damn, son. DJ Iceberg.
It is Catherine O'Hara.
Sally.
Sally, there it is.
Sally.
Yeah, he was the creepiest one. I was more scared of the scientist guy in the wheelchair
than I was of Oogie Boogie.
Oogie Boogie scared the shit out of me
because he's full of bugs.
Oogie Boogie's fun, man.
He's full of bugs.
He scared me because he's full of bugs.
That's you, dude.
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Danny Elfman was the singing voice for Jack Skellington.
Jack Skellington.
Oingo boingo.
Oingo boingo.
Damn, son.
Come for my pick.
My third pick.
Great pick, Zach.
Thank you.
I am going to take Elf.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right. Yeah. Yeah.
All right.
Bill Farrell.
That's a big, you know, like what, how much younger somebody is than you.
Yes.
If they're like, my favorite Christmas movie is Elf.
You're like, oh, we're different generations.
It's completely one of those.
It's not my favorite Christmas movie, but I've grown to enjoy it. Yeah.
But you're right.
People who are younger than us talk about it like it's fucking.
Home Alone.
Home Alone. Yeah. You go to a college, you talk about Home Alone. People are like, what the fuck about it like it's fucking Home Alone. Home Alone.
Yeah.
You go to a college
and you talk about Home Alone
and people are like,
what the fuck are you doing?
You're like,
what are you, Elf?
And they're like,
and you're like,
oh no,
I'm fucking old.
It's not so much that.
I just feel bad for them.
Like,
Home Alone?
Yeah,
really,
it is.
It's the thing about Christmas,
though.
It's like we were talking about
on the right over here
where like,
it's hard for new Christmas songs
to make it in
because so much of it is like nostalgia or what your parents were listening to.
It's all Burl Ives.
Burl Ives.
Some Johnny Mathis.
Sounds like Burl Ives has been through here.
There you go.
That sounds a lot like Wilford Brimley and also Sam Elliott.
Wait a minute.
I could be wrong about this, but it smells like Burl Ives has been through here.
That sounds like a Red Dead Redemption voice if I've ever heard one.
Listen, I might be up to some of that later.
Dude, Jimmy Conn?
Yeah, James Conn.
James Conn.
My favorite James Conn movie?
Thief.
If you haven't seen Thief, you have to see Thief.
Really?
Is that my tangerine dream?
Yeah.
I wear $700 suits.
I change cars more than guys change their socks.
What do you think I do? I'm a thief.
Fucking love that movie.
James Caan is fucking awesome.
Underrated James Caan, I think.
It's Scott Caan's fault. That's why.
Scotty Caan. Mary Steenburgen's
great in it. Ed Asner and Bob Newhart.
Man, there's just all these like fates.
Bob Newhart's wonderful enough.
There's just all these faces. You're like, aw.
Bob Newhart's just a delight. You just all these faces. You're like, aw. Bob Newhart's just a delight.
Yeah.
He's just, you know, you just look at him and you're like, you feel warm.
You do.
It's fun.
Yeah.
Peter Dinklage.
Amy Sedaris is in it.
That is Peter Dinklage, isn't it?
Yeah, Petey Dinklage, dude.
Yeah.
I forgot about that.
Your boy Andy Richter's in it.
Wow.
Your boy.
Your boy.
And Jon Favreau directed it.
Yeah.
One of those early Favreau joints.
Is Favreau in it also?
He's in it a little bit.
Yeah.
Favreau's a good director. Favreau's. Iron Man.reau in it also? He's in it a little bit, yeah. Yeah. Favreau's a good director.
Favreau's good.
Iron Man.
Yeah, he is a good...
He makes hits.
Chef.
Did he direct 2?
Because that was on recently, and I was like, what a steaming pile this thing was.
I don't think so.
When 2 came out, and also, that feels like it was 20 years ago.
I know.
It came on, I was like, what is up with the outfits Robert Downey Jr. is wearing in this?
What era is this?
They lost the plot for a minute.
They really did lose the plot.
Iron Man won though.
Still my favorite,
all around my favorite
Marvel movie.
Oh really?
Alright.
I'm more of a Captain America
kind of a dude,
but I hear you.
Winter Soldier's great.
So now that I got
this gnarly beard
and my hair's all,
my boss came up,
she goes,
you kind of look like
Captain America.
I was like,
you fucking sweetheart.
Thank you.
Yeah, but I can see it though.
It's for real.
She ain't wrong.
She ain't wrong. Jake Weiler. She ain't lying. In Not Another Teen Movie. Yeah, but I can see it, though. It's for real. She ain't wrong. She ain't wrong.
Jake Weiler.
She ain't lying.
In Not Another Teen Movie.
Chris Evans.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One of my favorite movies.
Anyway.
What am I doing?
Talking about not Christmas movies over here?
Yeah, Elf Rips.
Now I'm going to make kind of a weird move.
Great.
I'm taking The Apartment.
Oh.
Which I don't know if it's not.
Yeah.
It happens at Christmas.
It's kind of a Christmassy movie.
I don't know what that is. It It happens at Christmas. It's kind of a Christmassy movie. I don't know what that is.
It is.
Jack Lemmon?
So good.
It's Jack Lemmon, Shirley MacLaine, Freddie McMurray.
Classic.
It's dark.
Old?
It is a dark comedy.
Yeah, it's old.
Billy Wilder directed it.
Billy Wilder wrote it.
Oh, man.
William Wilder.
When did it come out?
It came out in 1960.
Jesus, I can't believe we even had movies back then.
I know, 1960.
Back in the day.
Before time.
That's where the term started.
Look at that picture.
It's moving.
It's called a movie.
We'll call it a movie.
We'll make it stop then.
Call it a movie.
I snuck alcohol in here.
It's not even legal.
Since you haven't seen it, I don't want to talk about it too much.
You should watch it.
It's at the crib.
I have it.
It is so fucking good. Oh, I've heard you talk about it a much. Oh, yeah. You should watch it. It's at the crib. I have it. Oh, yeah. It is so fucking good.
Oh, I've heard you talk about it a bunch.
It's so fucking good.
It's a classic.
It's funny, but it's dark.
It's up there with the swimming pool.
Yeah.
There's like, I mean, like depression and suicide subplots and like infidelity and all
this stuff.
It's just amazing.
If you haven't seen The Apartment, go see The Apartment.
Sounds great.
Go see it.
Don't go.
Go see it.
It's out in theaters.
It's out in theaters everywhere now. Go make them show The Ap The Apartment. Sounds great. Go see it. Don't go see it. It's out in theaters. It's out in theaters everywhere now.
Go make them show The Apartment.
Build a time machine.
Go see it.
Get MoviePass.
Go see it.
MoviePass.
What a ridiculous thing.
But yes.
Anyway, so The Apartment, and then Zach, it's time for your fourth pick.
Oh, fourth pick.
Ooh, man.
Okay, so I'm going to go with one that me and my little sister watched, and this is
a, well, newer to us, was the Santa Claus.
The Tim Allen.
I love it, man.
Papa G. Joe.
Listen, Tim Allen, also an unfortunate person outside of things.
What are we going to do?
You know, yeah, he sucks.
But in that movie.
Some people are Republicans.
Does he suck?
I don't know much about Tim Allen.
He sucks.
I mean, it's like, look, we don't have time to get into this.
I'm not an apologist.
But like, he seems like it's not Chevy.
We're not talking about Chevy Chase shit.
But also maybe he probably was.
It's tough because you're talking about people who got a lot real fast, who maybe, maybe didn't deserve all of that.
Because like scales are tipped.
That's all I'm saying.
Like, is he talented?
Absolutely.
Tim Allen's fucking talented.
I'm not saying he's not talented, but like, it was probably easier for him than for other
people.
Probably a little easier.
So that's what we're talking about.
We're talking about a spectrum of bullshit.
Yeah.
Sure.
He also dimed out a bunch of people on a coke charge.
Yeah.
That's a fucking snitch.
That's what I remember about Tim Allen, is that he was a snitch.
And that's always bothered me.
Yeah.
It really has.
And yeah, Scott Calvin is his name.
You know, fuck you, Zach.
You know, SC.
But yeah, it's just, and it's like a funny take on like the Santa Claus. Yeah. Scott Calvin is his name. You know, fuck you, Zach. You know, SC. But yeah, it's just, and it's like a funny take on like the Santa Claus.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Clause of a Contract.
That seems like one of those movies where they're like doing a bunch of blow and they're like, I got a title for a movie.
Yeah.
Santa Claus.
That's the way I feel about Sister Act, that they came up with the sequel and they're like, all right, how do we write the first one?
Yeah.
Sister Act 2, back in the habit.
All right,
let's make the first one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's perfect.
Yes.
So many of these movies
just feel like there was
like 10 people
at a party in the hills
doing blow,
and they're like,
dog.
Santa Claus,
it is a really funny movie.
You're right about that, baby.
Sean Jordan,
time for your fourth.
I'm going to cover my animated base
and pick The Grinch.
Ah, The Grinch. The OG Grinch. You're talking about the OG Grinch. As far as I you at fourth. I'm going to cover my animated base and pick the Grinch. Ah, the Grinch.
The OG Grinch.
You're talking about the OG Grinch.
As far as I'm concerned, there aren't any others, even though they've made 3,000 of them.
Seriously.
It's ridiculous.
Why do you need to keep repeating?
Including one right now.
Yeah.
Zach and I are going to get into some OG Grinch later.
Yeah.
Bong.
OG Grinch.
Bong.
Wait, you're going to smoke weed in Zach's tobacco pipe?
You're going to smoke weed on it?
His tobacco water pipe?
No, no, no.
We're using a different one entirely.
Yeah.
We're not. Yeah, that's a water pipe. That's not a bomb. It's a sanctum. It's a sanctum. We're to smoke weed on it? His tobacco water pipe? No, no, no. We're using a different one entirely. Yeah.
That's a water pipe.
That's not a bomb. Sanctity.
There's a sanctity.
Talking about the soothing nature
of the tobacco.
You don't want to run that pink.
Yeah, the OG Grinch.
It's just real good.
Boris Karloff.
Perfect.
Perfect animation.
Yep.
Perfect animation.
Good songs.
Looks good.
Your mean one, Mr. Grinch,
that is a diss.
Yeah.
It's a diss,
and it shows up in Home Alone at a great moment.
He's watching the Grinch folded into so much of-
The Grinch looks into the camera a lot in that movie.
It is so creepy.
Yeah.
And the dog, the dog is Jim Halpert, basically.
He's just looking into camera.
It's so good.
Yeah, I'm a Grinch fan.
The feet are perfect.
My dog has little Grinch feet.
It's perfect.
Cindy Lou Who, who is no more than two?
Who is no more than two.
What year was that?
Do you know?
Dude, your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish,
manageable, mangled up and tangled up knots.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks.
Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch. The three
words that best describe you are as follows,
and I quote, stink,
stank, stunk.
God damn. Greasy black
pears. We're talking about Chris Paul,
dude. I don't think Chris Paul
is attractive. I'm sorry. I'm an ugly lunatic.
I'm a butt-ugly lunatic if you want to get
into it. The Grinch. Great pick.
Rhea, time for your fourth and your final pick.
Okay.
My fourth is going to be Rudolph.
Oh, yeah.
Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Oh, yes.
Because that was a jam as a child.
Also, it's very queer.
I love that about it.
It's got that whole thing going on.
The claim, whatever, that stop animation, stop motion in that is just so good.
And also, like, the sound of the nose is like,
it feels warm when you hear it,
you know?
Um,
so I just,
that's a good one.
That's a good one.
What was that company that made those?
It was,
uh,
I forget.
It's right there,
but I don't know.
Something and something.
Um,
it is something,
something,
something,
something.
Anyway.
God,
it's so good.
And apparently elf takes place in the same universe.
Cause remember when he leaves and there's like the Norwal and the frosty, the snowman. Yes. Anyway. God, it's so good. And apparently Elf takes place in the same universe. Because remember when he leaves and there's like the Norwal and the Frosty the Snowman?
Yes.
Just like, that's one that feels really good.
And I haven't watched it in a few Christmases.
Going to change that this year.
But that's one of my favorites.
And then my last pick is going to be Charlie Brown Christmas.
Oh, man.
Vince Giraldi, like, throw that shit on.
You get that soundtrack with it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Oh, man. Vince Giraldi, like, throw that shit on. You get that soundtrack with it.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Turn the heat on in your apartment
if you have it in LA
even though you don't need it
and it makes you feel like
it's maybe cold outside.
We've kind of needed the heat
these last couple of nights.
Oh, it was freezing.
I have no insulation in my new place.
I love it.
I turned the heat on two nights ago.
It is cold as shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was going to pick that.
That's my girlfriend's favorite
Christmas movie. It's a good one. I was going to give her my fifth pick. Yeah, you were going to pick that. That's my girlfriend's favorite Christmas movie.
It's a good one.
I was going to give her
my fifth pick.
I'm going to give her
the coveted fifth pick
because I'm a good dude.
Give my lady the fifth pick.
You know what I mean?
She's got a feeling
in my second tummy.
So I give her the fifth pick.
Give that girl the fifth pick.
Sometimes there's
Rankin and Bass
is the people
in the animation.
Rankin and Bass.
It was something
and something.
I was right there.
And Burl Ives was in it.
Burl Ives.
Yeah, he's a snowman.
Silver bells.
His version of Silver Bells
is quite possibly
my favorite Christmas song.
It's Christmas time
in the city.
It's Christmas time
in the city.
Hear them sing.
Great pick,
Charlie Brown Christmas.
Sean, your final pick?
My final pick,
I'm going to go,
and it's another,
I'm going to go The Family Stone's another, I'm going to go
The Family Stone.
Oh, really?
Oh, yeah.
I love that movie.
Adult.
Yeah.
I love that movie.
Star-studded.
I haven't seen it yet.
Again, it's like very-
A lot of headshots
on the cover.
Seriously.
It's one of those ones.
It's a headshot cover.
And, and, and,
and Diane Keaton.
Diane Keaton, dude.
Rachel McAdams,
Luke Wilson.
Luke Wilson.
Dermot Mulroney.
Yes.
You're kidding.
Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker. SJP. And what I like about this movie-, Rachel McAdams. Luke Wilson. Luke Wilson. Dermot Mulroney. Yes. God, you're forgetting Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker.
SJP.
And what I like about this movie-
Star of Square Pigs.
Yeah.
Is like, and people criticize-
I've not looked into it.
People criticize The Family Stone where they're like, I think it was a movie that was completely
misinterpreted by a lot of people because they're like, these people are like, they're
awful.
And it's like, well, that's what it's-
That's family.
That's what families are where you're like, they do.
My family fucking blows.
They are making, like, they do good things, but they're also just like any other family where there's.
Yeah, yeah.
No, family stuff.
These dynamics and, yeah.
I'm happy with my list.
Cool.
I like it.
Yeah.
Great.
Dracula?
All right.
Well, final one.
I'm going to take Gremlins.
Yeah.
Oh, nice.
Yeah. Sean on the Back to the Future lot. The same town. Oh, yeah, yeah I'm going to take Gremlins. Yeah. Oh, nice.
Sean, on the Back to the Future lot, the same town.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which lot is that?
Is that Warner Brothers? I think it's Universal Studios.
Universal.
Because I went to Hollywood Nights or whatever.
Universal, Hollywood, whatever the fuck it is for the haunted house.
And there was a lot.
We got to go on that lot where all the fake buildings are and stuff.
Is that where any of this stuff was filmed?
I was trying to peg what might have been filmed there.
Like Back to the Future looks like it might have been.
Back to the Future is on the Universal lot, isn't it?
Yeah.
It's awesome.
It burnt down and they rebuilt it, though.
So it's not the original one.
So it's a little bit different than Back to the Future.
Mayor!
That's right.
Yeah.
I like the sound of it.
Jackie Wilson's going to change this town. Goldie. Goldie Wilson. the sound of that. Jackie Wilson's going to chain this town.
Goldie.
Goldie Wilson.
Yeah, Jackie Wilson.
Goldie Wilson.
Jackie Wilson.
I like the sound of that.
Mayor.
Well, you can start by cleaning the floor.
I'm not going to say the other line that's in the middle of there.
But yeah, Gremlins do Joe Dante movie.
Yep.
It's great.
Classic.
Joe Dante movie.
It's great.
There's the scene of Phoebe Cates talking about her dad committing suicide by being or like dying in the chimney is just so wild.
And it totally breaks any of it in the movie.
Oh, man.
Phoebe Cates.
Hello.
Seriously.
Wow.
Second tummy.
Barn burner.
Wow.
Wow.
Your barn has been burned.
Wow.
Wow. You know how cute
I always thought you were
Easy Phoebe
Easy over here
Whoa
Gremlins
Great pick
Great pick
I'll wrap her all up
I have to
As I am
Like a Christmas present
100%
I'll wrap her up
I'll put it in the stocking
Christmas wrapping
By the waitresses
Great song
Oh yeah
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas Oh Merry Christmas.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Oh, shit.
As I am a Jew, 100% but I'm a Sifud and everything.
You are.
Yeah, I've been thinking that.
There aren't good Hanukkah movies. And so you're Jewish, right?
I'm one of those Jews.
There aren't any good Hanukkah movies.
So I have to cheat a little bit and tell me if this is okay.
I'm going to take a TV episode. The Rugrats.
All right.
The Rugrats Hanukkah special episode.
I'm into it.
I'm down.
It's so good.
It's the only, like, as a grown up as a young little Jew, young little Jewish tot, the Rugrats were like the only people who ever fucking, which is crazy because we run Hollywood.
You think there'd be more, you know, you think there'd be more Hanukkah content, but we're
self-loathing people.
So the Rugrats was the only people who did anything Hanukkah related.
They had a Passover episode, which was great.
And then they did a Hanukkah episode too, which was really good.
They made latkes.
They did Jewish stuff.
It was fantastic.
They did Jewish stuff.
Yeah, they did other Jewish stuff.
I could go on, but just watch it.
It's 22 minutes.
They had pickles. The pickle family. That's 22 minutes. That's Pickles.
The Pickle family.
That's right.
Perfect.
Tommy Pickles.
A beautiful list of entertainment.
So that's my final pick.
We left some good...
Oh, let me run down.
Ria, you kicked it off.
You went A Christmas Story, Family Man, Batman Returns, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and
A Charlie Brown Christmas.
I would spend an afternoon watching all that.
Yeah, it's a good afternoon.
Happy to have it.
Sean, you went second.
You went Christmas Vacation, Scrooge, Love Actually, The Grinch, and The Family Stone.
That's good.
I'm happy.
Dracula, you went third.
It's a Wonderful Life, Bad Santa, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Santa Clause, and then
Gremlins.
I went last, and I took Die Hard Home Alone Elf The Apartment
and the Rugrats Hanukkah Special
that's a wild list
that's a wild list
that's a ride right there
yeah
that's a wild list
you're gonna be different
at the end of that day
we left some good shit
on the board
we left uh
lethal weapons on the board still
yeah
Edward Scissorhands
Home Alone 2
yeah Home Alone 2
while you were sleeping
I just recently met somebody
oh while you were sleeping
Home Alone 2
somebody that said
they like Home Alone 2
better than Home Alone 1.
I did not pick it on purpose.
Did you delete their fucking phone?
I know.
It's a ball claim.
I mean, New York is cool, though.
I watched it recently, and I remember loving it as a kid because it's like the sequel effect
of that.
Plus, I played the shit out of the NES game.
Yes.
But it's brutal and not actually fun.
No.
I mean, there's some good Tim Curry shit in there where it's like-
Tim Curry's really fun in it.
Did you get your pizza? Or whatever. tim curry fucking rules tim curry fucking rules our president
in that movie yeah he also spikes the fucking camera on that cameo he points down that also
i remember watching it and we were like how would you let somebody film in your hotel and name your
hotel and show it as an incompetent bullshit oh because trump owned it he
was like i don't give a shit go ahead anyway i just i don't like it as much as going back and
watch it doesn't make me it doesn't feel good like home alone feels good yeah home alone 2 feels like
literal torture yeah friday and it rips off plane strains and automobiles uh death thing where like
when they go in between the two you know you, you're going the wrong way! How do they know which way
we're going? And then they go in between the
two semis and he looks over at him
and they turn to skeletons. Like it rips that
off and does it with Marv.
When he's like literally dying, being electrocuted
and you're like, this is a bit much.
I don't know. For a kids movie.
That's my Home Alone 2. That's why you were asking about
holiday movies, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, right?
That's what you wanted to throw in?
That's the one.
No, I just only prepared Christmas movies.
So when you said holiday movies, I was like, oh, wait.
Because Planes, Trains, and Automobiles would legit be my tie.
Oh, 100%.
I mean, it's perfect.
It's perfect.
We love Jingle All the Way on the board.
Yeah.
Which I've almost done.
Dale Griffith.
Miracle on 34th Street, the OG.
Yeah.
Rocky IV.
Shredded Places, Rocky OG yep Rocky IV Shady Places
Rocky IV
Rocky IV
Lethal Weapon
is it Rocky
yeah Lethal Weapon
3 also partially during
also Brazil
starts during Christmas
oh yeah
Friday After Next
yep
Call Me By Your Name
has Hanukkah in it
oh shit
just for a little
oh man talk about
your second tummy
on that one
that whole movie
is a second tummy
I was trying
this second tummy situation big second tummy that's a fun thing to talk about that's an adorable way to talk about your second tummy on that one. That whole movie is a second tummy. I was trying this second tummy situation.
Big second tummy.
That's a fun thing
to talk about.
That's an adorable way
to talk about your boner.
Second tummy,
you're the one.
I'm going to start
calling my tummy
my second boner.
We're going to probably
just keep...
Boy, my second boner's empty.
I should go eat
some buffalo wings.
We're going to probably
just keep talking for the next two hours,
but that wraps up this podcast.
Lord, we do go on.
Yeah, sorry.
Thank you, everybody, for watching.
Send us your list.
We want to hear them at AllFantasyPod on Twitter,
AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com.
Send us your questions, anything you want to do to contact us.
Sign up for the Patreon.
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Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit.
Shout out to super producer Marissa on the ones and twos at MarsMell on Twitter.
Everyone on the Patreon, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much.
I get called a piece of shit 50 times a day at work.
That's by me, too.
What's he going to call on you?
He shows up and calls me a dickhead.
How's work, you dickhead?
But it's coming up to where I might not have to do that anymore.
And I,
it means the world that anyone listens to this,
that,
that you're donating your heart and money.
So seriously,
from the bottom of our hearts,
thank you so much for doing that and for rocking with us.
And,
uh,
that's important.
Shout out to Frankie ocean.
Shout out to shit.
To the dude.
Shout out to St. The dude. Shout out to St. shout out to shit to the dude shout out to Saint
shit the dude
shout out to
Saint Sue Carmel
there she goes
yeah
love you mama
Saint Mary Toscani
Saint Mary Toscani
Saint Kelly Jordan
Saint Mom
Saint Mom
Saint Mama B.I.
I'm not gonna say her name
shout out to
OG Grinch
shout out to
everybody man
shout out to
Christmas
shout out to
Boy Genius
shout out to
Boy Genius
shout out to Second and Third Tummy wherever the Third Tummy is shout out to Me. Shout out to Boy Genius. Shout out to Boy Genius. Shout out to
Second and Third Tummy.
Shout out to Me First and the Guinea Guineas.
And more important, the Guinea Guineas.
That's you, dude. Zach over here.
The two of us, actually.
Me First and the Guinea Guineas is Zach and I's
Italian-themed pop-punk cover band.
Oh my god.
More important than all of that, tune in again
next week for another brand new episode
Of all fantasy ever-thing
Shaklackity
Oh you did it together
Well you know how we can do it
Shaklackity
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Shaklackity Shaklackity Shaklackity Shaklackity Shaklackity That was a hate gum podcast.