All Fantasy Everything - Holidays (w/ Jake Hurwitz, Amir Blumenfeld and David Gborie)

Episode Date: May 25, 2017

Todays the day the players play, so you better be on your way (your way, youuuuur waaaaay.) Hurry up and don't be late, 'cus today we drafted holidays. Host Ian Karmel is joined by Jake Hurwitz, Amir Blumenfeld and David Gborie! See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new All Fantasy Everything, ladies and gentlemen. The podcast that, just keep it simple this time, fantasy drafts the world. I've been whiling out too much on those, because I didn't reel it in. That's going to be my May-June thing, is reeling in that intro. Then back in July. Oh, that's where we're at? Yeah.

Alright. Then back in July, I'm going to wild the fuck out on it again. Sonnets. It's going to be an iambic pentameter. Just opening soliloquies? Opening soliloquies. I'll play the bongos behind it. I love that. Bongos. I'm going to get Sean Jordan in there on like a

soft cowbell rattling in the distance. What's that African finger piano thing? Oh, I know what you're talking about. That one, you know, it's that Brazilian one that goes, whoop, whoop, whoop. Yeah. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.

Which is like a stringed instrument. Nobody tells you that. Yeah, those Brazilians, man, they're doing it now. You know, I had to learn geometry, but they didn't teach me that in school. Yeah, that's weird. American education is broken, my friends.

It's like how they don't teach you how to pump gas in driving school. Right, exactly. They don't teach you that to pump gas in driving school. Right, exactly. They don't teach you that? I never learned. I learned to drive on the streets. For 10 years, I would drive a car until it was empty and then get out. You bought a new car.

You lost a lot of cars that way. I lost a lot of old cars, yeah. Disposable civics. The Carmel fortune was ruined in 10 short years. As you can tell by those voices on the other microphones, we are joined again here by David Borey. Hey, hey, hey. Back on the podcast, the G is silent. Yes, sir.

How were your travels, bud? Oh, man, I went to Norway. It was great. I met a guy who said, I bring the thog life to Norway. And I said, what? And he said, I shoot cops in the dark. I shoot cops in the dark? I shoot cops in the dark? I shoot cops in the dark time.

Do you feel like that was a true thing he was telling you? No, but I was on his Snapchat, and I definitely saw he put me on his Snapchat, and then he drew a gold chain on himself but not me on the Snapchat, which feels disrespectful to an American gangster. Absolutely. So I don't know. But other than that, it was great. They have Urge Soda instead of Surge.

Oh, wow. Do we even still have Surge here? I think we banned it. I think we banned the shit out of it. It's dark. It gets dark for like 24 hours at a time in Norway, so they have to have that. Yeah, that shit is like part battery acid. They gotta have liquid sunshine.

That's what makes it so easy for him to shoot cops in the nighttime. Right. It's 24-7. That was the trick. That's how he does it. Every summer, he shoots cops at the nighttime. Yeah. The other voices you hear, of course, we have Amir Blumenfeld here.

That's right. That's me. On the podcast, at Jake and Amir on Twitter. Correct. One of the two parts of the people who run HeadGum Studios. That's right.

Home of this podcast. Thank you. How are you doing? Have you been in Norway recently? You know, I haven't been in Norway, but I was in Iceland five years ago. Okay. Did you shoot any cops tonight?

I didn't shoot any cops, no. You strangled a security guard, though. Yeah, that's close. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's close. He was working towards it, but he had asthma, so he failed the physical, which made it so easy to choke him to death. He didn't say to death.

Oh, you just choked him a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit of light bondage play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit him with a light spree well. Yeah, exactly. The carlissimo. Hit him with that light carlissimo.

Yeah. Call it a carlissimo. That sounds like what the mob would have called like strangling someone with a piano wire. I didn't want to say I gave him a PJ because that could be

easily misunderstood. A penis job. That's where you jack someone up with your penis. You have to take flaccid so you can wrap it around.

It's a sort of a boa constrictor situation. The trick is only one of you can be hard. Yeah. So the other one can't be into it but you are performing it. Then you have to do that, you kind of have to surge. It's usually for money. Yeah. So the other one can't be into it, but you are performing it. Then you have to do it,

you kind of have to surge. It's usually for money. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know. You gave me a PJ. The third voice you hear out of the mind,

Jake Hurwitz. Hey there. Also, also one of the Doyens of HeadGum Studio. I like that. Yeah. You like Doyen. It's good.

Anyway, I like it. I'm not good about it. How are you doing? Have you given anyone a PJ recently? No. Not recently or ever, but I'm down to try it. I would do it just for the culture. You gotta do it for the stories.

A PJ. You gotta do it for the culture for sure. Just for the rap. Just to tell somebody one time. Yeah. Just to one time feel like a rope on a ship's mast. Just to know what that feeling would be like one time. Yeah. Just to one time feel like a rope on a ship's mast. Just to know what that feeling would be like. Yeah.

Yeah. Today we're drafting homoeroticism. No, we are drafting something that I've been excited about for a long time. Now, if you looked at the description of the podcast before this moment, you already know what we're drafting. That's right. But if anyone likes a surprise. Grand reveal.

Here it is. Holidays. Holidays. Holidays. Holidays. Holidays. It would be so nice. If we took a holiday. Oh, God, you're monotone. Holiday.

A sweet time to celebrate. Let's harmonize. You go first. Just one day out of life. It would be so fine. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. We'll auto-tune that. Anyway, I take Matt so fine. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. We'll auto-tune that.

Anyway, I'd take Matt Holliday. Yeah. Oh, Matt Holliday. What a pick. Is he still in the league? I don't know. He was bald. I tried to.

He was a big as fuck, right? When I was writing down for this, I wrote down Players Holiday from that two-short song. Oh, hell yeah. But then I was like, you're wiling. I don't know. That might be the perfect amount of wiling. Did they ever determine when the Players Holiday was? Did they do it like a the ice cube it was a good day i assume it coincides with the first of the month yeah it's probably the first first first of the month in the summer

yeah yeah like june first paycheck in june but i just like also because you remember the intro song, it's just too short on the phone. He's like, what? The president did what? Oh, that's right. He got rid of the players, too? Oh, man, we're going to have to declare this a national holiday. Was that Bill Clinton or was that still the first George Bush when that song came out? I think it was Bill Clinton. I think it was Bill Clinton.

And also, who called him on the phone? Probably Al Gore, right? Secretary of State. Secretary of State. Al Gore. Short. I'll call the governors. You call too short.

You call too short. Let's get this out. The president did what? God, I forgot about that. Who was Clinton's secretary of state? It's funny how much we know about politics now and how little we knew back then. It is. If only he had been less qualified, we'd have to have a better eye on his administration.

I was a boy, though. How could I know? It might have been too short. Maybe that's how he is so quick. I think that's how he rose to prominence initially. Yeah, I remember when he brokered peace in the Middle East by calling Palestinians and Israelis biatch! Yeah, that's his favorite word. Yes! So, to determine the draft order

of the holiday draft... What type of draft is it? It's a serpentine draft. Thank you for asking, David. No problem. Which means if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. And we determine that order with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. You know what would be fun?

One episode you should do an auction draft. Oh, we should do an auction draft. Just for one episode. Where we each get... And then we try to outbid each other? Yeah, you have 200 fictional dollars, and then whoever bids the highest gets the holiday. That would be fun. What do you mean, 200 fictional dollars?

So it's like, you have 200 fictional dollars, and then the first holiday is Christmas. How much do you bid? And then we try to bid each other. And then whatever you have left, you can bid on other holidays. Right. I see. I feel like I would blow my load on one. I would too.

That's why I was like, well, Why wouldn't everyone just spend all the money on Christmas? Don't tip your hand! Because then you're left with a shitty holidays after you spent like $1.95. What if one of us was pissed that Christmas had been mentioned? Like we thought it was a sleeper pick. Nobody else would get it.

Just crossing shit out right now. Fine, I, fine. I guess not. Yeah. I won't even say any other. Okay, so auction draft for another day. Fantastic idea.

Okay. You'll come back for it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll do the auction draft. But for now, to determine the order, the three of you play a game of rock, paper, scissors. You throw on shoot, and whoever wins determines the draft order. So it has to be one against two to win. Odd man out. Yeah, odd man out. So if two people match and whoever wins determines the draft order. So it has to be one against two to win. Odd man out. Yeah, odd man out.

So if two people match and you don't, you win. If all three of you match, we play it again. Double down. Oh, so what if they both choose rock and I choose paper? Do I beat them both? Paper still wins. It's an augmented version of the game. Got it.

What if I choose scissors? Do they move on and I'm eliminated? If you pick scissors and they both pick rock, you still win. Same thing. Oh, I still win. It's whoever doesn't duplicate. Wow. I love this game.

It's technical. All right. All right. We spent 250 hours in a laboratory determining the best one. We hired top scientists. So rock, paper, scissors, shoot. We got all the guys who make the Pop-Tart flavors. All right.

Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Wow. Three different ones. We've got to play it again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, David Bowie wins! Oh, man. The king has returned. I win a lot at rock, paper, scissors.

He mostly wins rock, paper, scissors. I'm in the mind. Alright, serpentine draft. I'm going to go first. Alright, Serpentine Draft. I'm gonna go first. Me, Amir, Jake. I don't know. I'm trying to think. You're just pitching that idea. Why isn't it me?

As the host, your opinion carries a lot of weight, too. I'm going Amir, Jake, Ian. Fine, that's where I want to be. The true Slytherin Serpentine. That's where I want to be. The true Slytherin serpentine. That's where I want to be. I'm oddly nervous. I'm illogically nervous right now.

It's like kickoff. It's like kickoff. You don't know if they can hit. What if you take my number one? What if you take my number one? Speaking of kickoff, my number one holiday, Super Bowl Sunday. Super Bowl Sunday! I thought that was a sleeper pick.

That was last on my list because I'm like, nobody's going to choose it. I thought so too. Are you crazy? It's the best. No family obligations. True. Drunk in the daytime. True.

Like five meat plates. You can have one plate, five meats. Dips. I don't feel like dips come out in any other day like they come out at Super Bowl. It is. It's the best day for dips by far. Oh, man. Like that buffalo chicken ranch dip.

I love that dip. When do you ever get it? I don't even know. When do you ever get that dip? Somebody has to make it. And they're not making it. And they'll only do it once a year. They'll only do it.

Yeah, they're not making it like that. The person who makes the buffalo chicken dip only makes that dish. They don't make any other dish. They wear cargo shorts with a polo shirt tucked into it, and they know how to make a buffalo chicken dip. They tell everybody at the office, hey, I make a killer buffalo chicken, but you have to come to my Super Bowl party, which you don't want to go. He lives in an apartment.

He's 50. It's a second-floor apartment with carpet everywhere. It's weird. Yeah, he only uses the crock pot for that dip. Just that one day. go. He lives in an apartment. It's a second floor apartment with carpet everywhere. It's weird. He only uses the crock pot for that dip. Just that one day. Yeah, he's just got like a Farrah Fawcett poster and some free weights. You don't want in there. Oh shit, yeah, that's my apartment.

I'm the guy who makes the dip. You could be dip guy. You're an invaluable guy. You're a dip stick. Can I make two arguments against Super Bowl Sunday? Go on. Number one. Yes.

It's not an official holiday, which I know doesn't really matter in this, but for whatever reason, they refuse to give us the next day off, but they should. They should. They should give us Monday off, Super Bowl Sunday. But businesses are closed for it. For Sunday. On Sunday?

Yeah, that's what a holiday, the official definition. Just when businesses. Businesses are closed on Super Bowl Sunday? Yeah, lots of businesses. Number two, it can be ruined by the outcome of a game. Like my Super Bowl Sunday sucked this year because. Summer. Were you rooting for the Falcons?

Yeah. Christmas can get ruined if you didn't get what you want. It's a holiday. It's a gift. I'm just saying there's a chance that you end the day really sad. As someone who rarely has a rooting interest in football games, because I celebrate the whole sport. I'm rarely rooting for a certain team.

I barely pay attention to the game for most of it. But last year, you didn't want Tom Brady to lose after he endorsed Trump. I did in a big way. I did in a big way. I wanted him to lose. See, I wanted him to lose, but then I had to give it up because that was incredible. Yeah, it was awesome. You gotta respect an iron will, man.

It was an incredible comeback. Much like the comeback Trump led. When taking back America. Absolutely. He was down to 9%, which is what the Falcons were. Much like Trump versus 538.com. It was an astonishing comeback.

Trump v. Silver. It is an amazing dip holiday. Yeah, dip day. No family obligations. That's a good one. It's stress-free. It's one of the first holidays I ever did with just my friends. Yeah.

Because when you're 18, 19, you're not doing Thanksgiving, but you and your boys, you can heat some kielbasa. You can do that. It's a day with a high wet burp score. Oh my gosh. The burps, the poops. Look at... The boops.

The boops. There's a lot of wet burps on that day, which is either... It could, for some people, that's a plus. For some people, it's a minus. Here's what Super Bowl Sunday is. Yeah. I'm not getting out of it without a stain on my T-shirt. That's 100% true.

That's the kind of day that that is. What's the wildest food combination you've eaten on a Super Bowl Sunday? Does anything spring to mind immediately? Because I've definitely dipped hot dogs into a spinach dip. I was going to say, I've dipped bratwurst into that fruit salad. Oh, shit. With the cream, the red shit. What?

Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the wildest. He has you way beat. I put a taco in strawberry shortcakes. Did you? You're living. Oh, okay. You're just throwing out weird food combinations.

Yeah. See, and how excited we get. Yeah, I filled a deviled egg with butterscotch frosting. I shoved a baby carrot into a television. Stay tuned stuff. No, what's that called when they go into the TV? Oh, what is that called? Is it stay tuned?

It might be stay tuned. I thought we were talking about Poltergeist. No, they go into the TV and they are in all these different channels. It's like a movie? Yeah, it's a movie. I thought you were talking about the Nickelodeon arcade game. Oh, Nick Arcade? That could work too.

That's different. And the video games. Yeah, yeah. All about the Nickelodeon arcade game. Oh, Nick Arcade? That could work too. Yeah, yeah. All video games that deserve their own holidays. Which actually comes to my pick. Mario Brothers Day. Oh, Mario. My dad says Mario Brothers. Is he from the East Coast? He is. He sure is. Amir, it is time for your pick, the second pick in

the All Fantasy Everything Holiday Draft. Now I gotta think. Do I've got to think. Do I get cute and figure out which one will be there for me on the way back? How is there something you could do that wasn't cute? Look at you. Oh, thanks, man. Look at that bottom. I really appreciate that.

It's cheeky. You're welcome. I'll go 4th of July. Oh, fuck. Wow. 4th of July. That's solid. That's my favorite.

You get the day off. It could be in the middle of the week, middle of the summer. So carefree attitudes at an all-time high. Fireworks, great. Barbecues, great. Warm weather, great. Yes. Family or not, depending on if you like your family.

Depending on where you are. If you go home, there's going to be a barbecue. That's fine. If you stay out, there's going to be a drunk barbecue. That's fine. Yeah. It's light at like 9 p.m. It's like the longest day of the year.

It's the flyest holiday. Yeah. Fireworks. Celebrate fireworks. Out day of the year. It's the flyest holiday. Yeah. Fireworks. Celebrate fireworks. Outfits. Good outfits. Good outfits. You can just while out.

You're allowed to be a fucking like a real loser on 4th of July. Yeah, you really are. Like a real douchebag ass. I can dress the way I always want to dress. You can wear a flag as a cape. Yeah, that's fine. Or as a skirt. Or as a shirt.

Or as an America jacket. Like in Rocky. Yeah, yeah. You can just dress like as a shirt. America jacket, like in Rocky. Yeah, yeah. You're just dressed like Carl Weathers. You can dress like Dan Bilzerian dresses all the time. Yes! One day a year. Oh, my God.

And you can shoot guns and hang out with Brazilians. Yeah, exactly. I don't know about the Brazilians. Do they? Maybe. I mean, they celebrate America sometimes, too. I think everybody kind of gets down on that. The hot dog eating contest, too, if you're talking about watching a sporting event.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. So it's got that aspect to it. Shout out to Nathan's. Yeah, which is sort of like a Super Bowl for large people, I'd imagine. It's like the hot dog eating contest.

Does that always take place at Coney Island? Yeah. Coney Island hot dog? That's every Fourth of July? It's also Nathan's. Smooth brand Frankfurt. Yeah.

Really? Shout out to Nathan's because I drink it and they pay me for it. Shout out to Nathan's. Shout out to Nathan's. Shout out to Coney Sark. Yeah. Fourth pay me for it. Shout out to Nathan's. Shout out to Nathan's. Shout out to Cuddy Sark. Yeah.

Fourth of July is my favorite holiday. Was that going to be your number one pick? It was going to be my number one pick. Yeah. I thought maybe

you would make it but there's still some pros and cons. I thought there was a chance I was going to make it too. Right? I've told the story on this pod before

so I'll make it short. My last Fourth of July I was in Amsterdam. It was also the day it was the signing deadline for the NBAth of July, I was in Amsterdam. Ooh. It was also the day, it was the signing deadline for the NBA. Yeah. So I was in a marijuana cafe.

It was Durant. Wow. I was following it like a hawk. I was completely stoned. And then I got way too stoned, as one does. Of course. And I had reservations

for a Michelin star restaurant. Wow. In Amsterdam. Wow. Because I was like, I'm not going to treat myself. It's my favorite holiday. I like that.

And then I got way too stoned and lost track of time. All of a sudden, it was half an hour until my reservation. And I'm in this weed cafe wearing shorts and a hoodie with a backpack and Nikes. And I realized there's no time to get to the hotel to change. So I show up at this... The nicest restaurant I've ever eaten at. By yourself. By myself, dressed so scummy. It doesn't even sound like

you would be allowed to bring a backpack into a restaurant like that, let alone... I don't think they had a protocol for it. It was one of those things where they never thought anyone would do it, so they didn't have a rule for it. Why say no backpacks? It seems implied. What would someone bring a backpack to? why can't you have fireworks in church it never came up right it never came so they the lady she like walked me back to the table and she was like you know

we have a dress code right and i was like no i did not know that is this still cool she was like it's still cool cool ass dutch lady were you by yourself alone i was sitting in there wearing like a billionaire boys club hoodie and basketball shorts. Basketball shorts? Basketball shorts. Not even cloth. Not even like dickies. Literally someone sitting across from me with a blazer with a crest on it.

Yeah. That's probably his family. What restaurant would you say you were dressed perfectly for? Red Lobster. Yeah. I was in a real Red Lobster outfit. Or possibly a dine-in at a Zankow chicken. Yeah.

4 p.m. in between lunch and dinner. Yeah, 4 p.m. Getting in there early so I can get... Yeah, eating stale falafel at a Zankow. The witching hour. The witching hour, 4 p.m. But you're right. I love it.

We used to go when I was a kid to watch the fireworks over Fort Vancouver. See, yeah. And fireworks also. I'm a huge fan of fireworks. I fucking love it. I love hearing born in the USA and watching some big ass fireworks. Fourth of July is one of those holidays that is great when you're little and then it stays great even when you grow up.

Yes. It's totally different. Everyone loves it. Totally different. It evolves. Which other holidays don't. Yeah. Not everyone follows that rule.

There's a lot that are great when you're a kid or great as an adult. Yeah. This one evolves beautifully. Easter was a holiday like that. Yes. When I was little, candy. It was great. Great candy.

And now I'm just like, oh, this is... Now you're like, ham? Why? I can have ham whenever. Ham and Jesus died? Can I say, also, Fourth of July, one of the first times I ever saw adults drunk and got it. Oh, yeah.

Whoa, Uncle Ricky's weird. The adults in the hood would pop off on that day. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of weird shit. Much like we do now. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, I had the most magical fourth a couple years ago. I was headlining for the first time in Portland.

Oh, beautiful. This girl who I had a crush on came to the show. On the 4th of July? On the 4th of July. Amanda, who I ended up dating briefly. Shout out to Amanda. Hell yeah. And then we went to...

Stood on the Hawthorne Bridge in Portland and watched fireworks. And then went to a house party. Wow. And then had our first kiss later that night. Wow. That's great. That's as good as a date. 4th of July is my favorite day of the year.

Do you want it? I'll fucking... No, you keep it. I'll do Christmus. You keep it. No, no, no, no, no. Christmus? Am I saying that correctly?

I just hope she's okay and realizes it's still an important holiday to me. Yeah. And if she was like, oh, I'll get together with Ian if he picks the fourth first. So I know. Hey, man, let me do Tubish Vot. Come on. No. You can get later.

I know you've got some big ass Tubish Vot stories. Fourth of July, amazing pick. a tubish spot. Come on. You can get a later. I know you've got some big-ass tubish spot stories. Fourth of July, amazing pick. Great pick. Solid pick. Wait, what was your favorite Fourth of July? Do you have one? God, I was in Maine once for Fourth of July, which is pretty awesome, camping in Maine. I was in Europe.

Oh, I believe World Cup Finals was Fourth of July a couple years ago. I was in Vegas for that. Oh, that sounds perfect. Yeah. Do they do fireworks in Vegas? Probably every night, regardless of what day it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They usually do fireworks in Vegas.

What about you, Jake? Any good 4th of Julys? Oh, you know what? I had a similar story to you. Yeah. Kissing the Crush. Ooh, Kissing the Crush. 4th of July on similar story to you. Yeah. Kissing the crush. Ooh, kissing the crush. Fourth of July on the coast in Connecticut.

Yeah. I slept on the beach with like a bunch of friends. Yeah. No tent. Like not even a sleeping bag, just like a bunch of towels. It was really nice. And then I made out with a girl that I had a crush on in high school. It's such a romantic day.

Yeah. Man, and it was like 10 years after high school. So it was like, I never thought it was going to happen. That's so clutch. That is good. You think about like talking to 16-year-old Jake and being like, was, man, and it was like 10 years after high school. So it was like, I never thought it was going to happen. That's so clutch. That is good. You think about like talking to 16-year-old Jake and being like, hey, man, don't worry. Yeah, hang in there.

When you're 26, it's all going to make sense. You'll have a real sandpapery makeout session on a beach somewhere. You'll be right next to Mark and Steve. They'll still be there. David, any great fourths? Crystal Brown's block party, eighth grade. Her dad snuck me some tequila. I cut my finger open on a can of Coke.

Best part. A dad gave you tequila when you were 14? Yeah. Colorado. Awesome. It's not even as weird as you'd think. He tried to kiss me Yeah, yeah, yeah Similar make out situation

So it's all fresh on 4th of July Little did I know 10 years later Yeah, it was just perfect, it was great Where's 4th of July, somebody made mushroom tea And I drank a bunch of it and it didn't work at all Jake, it is time for your first pick Alright The third pick of the first round I feel like it's't work at all. Jake, it is time for your first pick. All right. The third pick of the first round.

I feel like it's pretty obvious at this point. I'm picking Christmas. Christmas! Boo! Boo! Oh, you're a bunch of Jews. Whoa, hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey! So what is this Christmas we've been hearing so much about? I see the trees everywhere, but I never get it. It's a pine-based holiday. I grew up celebrating both, both Christmas and Hanukkah.

Very nice. So you got all the presents? I didn't, not always. At a certain point, my parents sort of, like, once we found out that Santa wasn't real, they sort of were like, and now you realize that we can't afford to buy you presents on both the days okay

so we went just Christmas but I feel like there's a lot of debate on like which one's better Christmas versus Hanukkah Christmas is better yeah

so like as somebody that celebrated them both back to back yeah for many years Christmas is like it's just so clearly better

it's just better it's the better house we celebrated Christmas at my mom's house, too. Oh, were you a happy? Well, she converted before I was born. Oh, got it in under the deadline. I'm a fully.

You came out of the Jewish vajay. I did, I did. At the buzzer. It was well Jewish, I think, before even the seed was planted. Wow. Yeah. All right, all right. But she loved Christmas so much that we still celebrated it in the house.

You got it. Secular Christmas. Secular Christmas is tight as fuck. Yeah, secular Christmas. Way better than really way better than Hanukkah. What? In my opinion. Although, because I don't know if this was true in your house. In our house we really half-assed Hanukkah. Us too.

Because we knew Christmas was right around the corner. There was like one night where we got like a piece of candy or something. Yeah. Like that's not a present. Mom, come on, get it together. We went hard for the other Jewish holidays, but Hanukkah, we kind of like

laid off a little bit. Yeah, when they're back to back like that, it's tough. Christmas, best songs. Ooh, I will not go there with you on that. You don't think so?

I fucking hate Christmas music. I just think, Christmas is like a month where everybody, I think people should probably behave like it's Christmas all the time because everyone is so good-natured around Christmas. I think it's overrated. You just see the best of people.

Christmas is overrated? I'm not. It's funny. I'm like, hey, I'm picking and choosing my spots, but I'm glad somebody else in here doesn't like Christmas at all. I don't want to be the Grinch. I don't want to be the Grinch. Christmas is overrated.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just so much. It's like six weeks of buildup for one day. And it's like, shut up. I got my presents. Like, just shut the fuck. I just want to go to work. Yeah.

It's Tuesday. Shut up. The food isn't great. There's a lot of hectic, pressure-filled, stressful traveling. There is a lot of traveling. Oh, traveling and Christmas is... You ever been to an airport? Yeah, I love it.

In December? Yeah. You all bundled up? I love a an airport? Yeah, I love it. In December? Yeah. You all bundled up? I love a crowded airport. I can't stand it. Flight's delayed because the weather's bad. I like a warm weather holiday.

I don't like the cold weather holidays. Well, we saw that. I like to bundle up for a holiday, too. And then all the dickheads come into town, including me. I come into town

like a dickhead. Hey, I've been in Hollywood all year. What's up, dummies? And I love going back for that reason, too. I come into town like a dickhead. Hey, I've been in Hollywood all year. What's up, dummies? And I love going back for that reason, too. Oh, I hate it. See all the jackasses you went to high school with? It's so fun.

Oh, man. Back in Beaverton, when my mom still lived there, you show up to Old Chicago Pizza, and there would just be a litany of all the people you wish you'd never see again after high school. Yeah, that's what I hate.

I hate going to town, and then everybody's like, hey, let's go to Casa Bonita or whatever. And then you go there and you find out who's on probation and fucking pregnant.

Oh, gosh. I don't like it. I stay in the house. Cookies are good. That's nice, too. You can watch lots of movies, just veg out, watch TV. I like that.

I like eggnog too much. Now that I'm the rich uncle, I love buying presents for all the little nieces and nephews. That's another thing I dislike about Christmas. Gifts. You don't like giving people gifts. Don't like giving, don't like receiving. You don't like receiving a gift. How dare you, man. You are a rich.

Too much pressure. Too much of a letdown. Can you name one gift you still use in the last year? Well, only the ones my mom got me. What do you still use? All the ones my mom got me. What do you still use? All the ones my mom got me? She listens. Besides, obviously, the mom's gift.

Not a lot of other ones. I always ask for, I'll do practical stuff. I'll ask for like a cologne I know I like and use that throughout the year. Get the sock and underwear restock. Sure, sure. I'm trying to think of anything. No, I got nothing. I got my brother

a 2x4 autographed by Hacksaw Jim Duggan for Christmas this year. Hell yeah. That's great. That's pretty cool. I bought him a sword the year before. Wow. Gift shopping for people is fun. I like that part too. My family, we do we're like too big at this point to shop

for everybody. So we just do a secret Santa so we get like one meaningful present for one person and it's a beautiful little bunny experience I think that's great I hope our family switches to that soon

because I'm spending way too much money on gifts every year oh you're giving gifts for everybody how many people is that? four siblings two spouses

Jesus man several it's an expensive holiday it is it is that is a lot of money yeah plus travel no it's still fun

yeah yeah it's still fun I do like the way a city gets around Christmas oh I dislike that you don't like a New York at Christmas oh my god I love that

it's the best isn't it the best I love it too I'm with you people bundled up lights everywhere yeah it's too much Christmas spirit

I like the one tree and all the Christmas movies, Home Alone. I like Christmas lights going to see outrageous Christmas lights, which apparently I found out, I thought was everybody did, but I guess just poor people did. Christmas lights? Driving around to see the good Christmas lights. Oh, we did it. We went to Peacock Lane in Portland.

Yeah, there's always one lane that takes it super seriously. But it's usually a really rich people neighborhood. You know what thing I like, too. We're in a peacock lane in Portland. Yeah, there's always one lane that takes it super seriously. Yeah, there's a lane. But it's usually a really rich people neighborhood. You know what I did like, though? In high school, me and my friend Sam Talent, friend of the program, we would go steal shit from rich people. That's the actual Grinch.

Yeah. We'd steal their Homer Santas. You know how they had the one that was plugged in and it was always inflated? Yeah. We would like steal that and like break their mailbox. So I guess this is, I've always been like that.

One other thing in Christmas' favor, seasonal chain coffee drinks. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's true. Like an eggnog latte or a peppermint spice latte

or something. I just like eggnog because it's the closest you can get to drinking frosting. Without getting looked at weird. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's so bad. And then on the Super Bowl, you can dip a kielbasa into it. In the frosting, yeah. In the eggnog I saved in the freezer.

You can drink eggnog out of a chocolate pumpkin on the Super Bowl. Nobody's going to say anything. Anything goes on Super Bowl Sunday. out of a chocolate pumpkin on the Super Bowl. Nobody's going to say anything. Anything goes on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm with you

on the Christmas pick, but it has proven to be polarizing in this room. I should say I never celebrated Christmas. Growing up, I never celebrated Christmas.

You never did. Yeah, yeah. So I don't even have the nostalgic attachment to it. Purebred. I'm not even worried about it being polarizing in the room.

I think I'm on the right side of history here. I think outside. Okay. R.I.P. Santa Claus. Yes. Passed away earlier this year, though. All right, it's time for my pick.

My two picks. Wow, back to back. And even though I didn't get the 4th of July, I still get to get. The 3rd of July and the 5th of July. That's my mom's birthday. That's when I really get hammered. It's David's mom's birthday. I am going to pick, with my first pick, Halloween. That's a mom's birthday. Which is when I really get hammered. It's David's mom's birthday. I am going to pick, with my first pick, Halloween.

That's a good one. That's a good, solid. That's one that ages well. It is aged. I wanted it. There was a gap. It was really great when I was a kid. Yeah.

And then in my kind of late teens, it was like not that big of a deal. Yeah. Kind of stayed home and watched like the Simpsons, Freehouse of Horrors. Right. Because you didn't know about like the big rock and adult parties. You didn't know about those yet. But now it's one of my favorite nights of the year. It's so good now.

There is a little bit of a lull on it, you know? Yeah. You spend a couple years thinking Halloween's not great. Early 20s is like not for me for Halloween. But like now, yeah, it's so much fun. Yeah, there were plenty of like house parties that I didn't get invited to. Yes. But now, yeah, now once you move away from home you're like living in the city you can go to a bar yeah it's and you can still trick or treat you just say my

kids coming down the road can i get a king-size butterfinger can i get this that the other they're still giving you free she broke her foot she's in the car yeah she'll be here soon i swear to god you have to believe me stuff like that you have a bundled up thing on your back with a full Wolverine mask on it. I asked my son, he's a quiet boy. He's tired. He's a quiet, sweet boy. He's been touched by the Lord.

The first year I realized that Halloween was off the chain again was freshman year of college at Southern Oregon University. That sounds about right. Which is a city that goes crazy. And we got hammered on stolen tequila and there was a guy passing out Bibles at this

big party in the middle of the city. And I grabbed his box and threw it and said this isn't the time for this. Ha! And then I skirted off. Oh God, as like, I was wearing like, I was dressed like a gangster from Grand Theft Auto.

San Andreas, which I think had just come out. Beating up a prostitute. I beat up a prostitute. Me and a friend of the program, Nick Nanpay, I think had decided to dress in what turns out to be a culturally inappropriate and sensitive cholo outfit. Cholo.

But you know. Was it green? No, it was all red. We all like blotted up. Oh, so you just went actual gank. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which by the end of it

I just look like Jewish Shug Knight which is really what my costume was in retrospect. Meshugganah Knight. Meshugganah Knight. You're the best

in the business. I was Meshugganah Knight. But I fucking I love it still. I love a Halloween party. I love seeing people get dressed up for it. It's just fun. I love clever costumes.

I do too. I don't ever have them, but I just love it when you're like, when somebody has something crazy. I never think about it until earlier that day. I know, that's the problem. I always procrastinate. I show up in pajamas or something half-assed.

I think about it cool now. In June, I'll be like, oh, shit, I should be Whoopi Goldberg. And then I just forget. Because you have to prepare really well to really nail it. I had, for a couple of years, I just had a beer helmet. You have to either go super, super into it and everybody's amazed, or you have to really go like Super Super into it Yes And everybody's like amazed Or you have to like Really not give a fuck

Yeah And there's this in between Of like I tried pretty hard And I couldn't come up With anything good Yeah And you don't want to be

In that position at all I call it doing the Halpert Because he always did that On the office Oh he did Yeah Jim Halpert Always went with like The three hole punch

Yeah yeah Stuff like that Which is kind of a dick move I think my A little bit. But he pulled it off. It was always clever. Yeah, it was cool.

It was cool. My finest Halloween costume moment was, you know that Andre the Giant has a posse? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Graffiti. I painted my face to look like that. Wow. And this was a day of where I was like, I don't know what to fucking do.

What am I? Gigantic. I'll be Andre the Giant. And this was a day of where I was like, I don't know what to fucking do. What am I? Gigantic. I'll be Andre the Giant. And then made a sign that said 7'3", 450 pounds or whatever. Andre the Giant as a posse.

Where do those come from, by the way? It's Shepard Fairey. Yeah, it's a famous... Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I had no idea. It was his first big... The Obey guy who did his first big...

Yeah. Yeah. That was his first... I forget what it's called. It wasn't a stencil. It was like a sticker. Paste it up. I don't know. I never knew that that... Yeah. Yeah. That was his first like... I forget what it's called. It wasn't a stencil because he was like... It was like a sticker. Paste it up. I don't know.

Yeah, I never knew that that was that. Yeah. That was me, actually. That was you? Yeah. You can't claim to be Shepard Fairey.

Everybody knows. You could maybe claim to be Spanksy. I was like the Space Invader guy, too. Oh, you were also Space Invader. No, he was in that movie, too.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he was in that. Yeah, he was in Exit Through the Gate. Not anyway. Everybody's disagreeing with you. That's cool. I'm Rembrandt.

I'm Monet. I'm the guy who invented writing 23 and then turning it into a dog wearing a baseball hat. That's me. Oh, that's great. I believe that, actually. Any classic Halloween costumes that you're particularly proud of? I got one for Amir that I'm really proud of you for. Which one?

The year you were a Rubik's Cube. Oh, yeah. That was very uncomfortable. How'd you pull that off? I colored an actual box. Cardboard box. And you wore it. Awesome.

But that was very uncomfortable. Yeah, that's more like you get the pop the moment you walk in. Yeah. And then it's like, fuck, now I have to dance and drink in this box. Yeah. And I can't take off the box because without the box, I'm nothing. You don't have a costume. You can't get down low and grody grind with anybody because you're all edges.

Yeah, that's the problem. Well, you had somebody hop into the box at one point. Yeah, one point we hot boxed the box. No, no, no. I'm a hot box. And I've been – I'm coming up on the eighth year. I've been a cat every single year for the last eight years different types?

same cat just a black cat black cat and my goal is to give the cat nine lives oh and on the ninth year I'm retiring

I didn't start out with this idea but after the third year where I couldn't think of another cat you still got that cat shit yeah

so I feel like it's gonna be a nine year art project yeah everyone is gonna appreciate it and then you'll get your degree from Parsons. So I feel like it's going to be a nine-year art project. Yeah. Everyone is going to appreciate it. And then you'll get your degree from Parsons. It'll be nice. After it's all over. The thesis.

This is my thesis. Yeah. Man, you know what's boning me out? I'm going through the racks. I've never had a good one. No classics? No classics. Whoopi Goldberg was a good one.

Whoopi Goldberg would be a good one. That was just an idea. I don't know. I wouldn't make it get like a Knicks jersey and like a baggy white shirt. I could do that. You could. Somebody tweet at him on Halloween.

Like, just on Halloween. Remind me, on Halloween. Yeah. I also would like to be Cool Rock Ski from the Fat Boys. Oh, yeah. We look an awful lot alike.

I don't think I would recognize that. You probably wouldn't. You gotta look up Google the Fat Boys. It's deep cuts. And the Dark Ski. That's a hard one. But that's cool because when somebody that you probably wouldn't you gotta look up google the fat boys it's deep cuts and the dark skin it's a whole thing

that's a hard one but that's cool because like when somebody recognizes you they'll really recognize you it's like a joke a lot of old black men like to say it to me

at least like seven different times in my life I've been like you look like Kowarski from the fat boys like it's happened

like a bunch of times the accidental costume if you will yeah I'm like I'm just wearing a gold chain and a leather jacket I'm like I'm just wearing a gold chain and a leather jacket yeah

I'm just out here having myself a Wednesday evening yeah all of a sudden you gotta come casting aspersions uh

yeah Halloween as a kid fucking we never I always heard rumors that Portland Trailblazers would give out king size candy bars

but I never I never wow went to any of their houses there were always king size rumors I never there were always king size rumors and I never I've seen the their houses. There were always king-size rumors. There were always king-size rumors,

and I never happened upon them. I've seen the Holy Grail. I've gotten them. Whoa. Detlef Schrempf gave them more. New Haven, Connecticut. You say Detlef Schrempf gave king-size? No, I was just piggybacking on Ian Carmel's 90s blazers

giving out king-size candy bars. If you go to the really rich neighborhoods, you have to walk a long way in between all the houses. True. Oh, that makes sense. But it's worth your effort because you make the trek, you get bigger bars. Or you could hit the poorer side of the neighborhood and the houses are back to back to back. I never even thought about it that way. So they're busting in kids?

Like candy integration well i might i had a friend that lived like sort of on the border and everybody walked like south towards like the main street we just walked north up towards like the the big hilly neighbors with like the tutors and we were dressed as uh titanic uh passengers perfect and much like tit passengers, you sought refuge. Indeed. We have to go inside the houses. We're not just here for the candy. Which brings us to your second pick, Titanic Day.

Yeah, Titanic Day. April 14th? No, April 12th, 1912. No, April 14th, 1912. Is that true? I think it's either April 14th or April 12th, and it's either 1912 or 1914. You were committed to that costume. I know that's right. It was 1912? I think it's April 14 14th or April 12th, and it's either 1912 or 1914. You were committed to that constantly. I know that's right. It was 1912? I think it's April 14th. Wow. I don't know. That very

well could not be true. Even if it's untrue, that's amazing. But I could name a date and say it confidently. Just the confidence that you had in that date. We're all on board. Being right is all about being confident about one or two. I think it's either April 14th or April 12th.

Yeah, you didn't say the 13th. No chance on the 13th. I know it's on the 13th. The only thing about it could be the 15th. It could also be March. I'm confident about my next pick. It is the 15th of April. Whoa.

Whoa. Damn. I got the 15th in under the wire. 1912, though, right? That's right. Good shit. Hell yeah. Nailed it.

How did you know that? You know, I'm just out here, man. All right, man. With my second pick, the first pick of the second round, I am taking... I'm taking Thanksgiving. Thank God.

Yes. You don't like Thanksgiving. Fucking hate it. Some people hate Thanksgiving. Really? I don't like the food. Wow. I don't really know.

I don't really... I'm sorry. Defend it. I don't really understand what you're saying. I don't like Christmas food but Wow. I don't really know. I don't really... I'm sorry. Defend it. I don't really understand what you're saying. I don't like Christmas food, but I hate Thanksgiving food. Isn't it the same? You prefer goose meat to turkey? Yeah, I hate goose.

Dude, honestly, I truly don't like a food associated with any holiday except for Super Bowl Sunday. Dude, who took the Thanksgiving sandwich when we drafted Thanksgiving? That was me. Oh, that was you? Yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah, that's a great sandwich.

I don't like it as a sandwich. I don't even love turkey as a meat until this year. Wow. Did you deep fry it? No, it wasn't deep fried. They cooked it breast down or breast down. They cooked it a different way. They cooked it a different way, which made it so much juicier.

And I was like, oh. It was almost as good as chicken. It was almost as good as chicken. That's how good it was. That's my issue with Thanksgiving. It's almost as good as the worst chicken. For me, it's not the turkey. It's everything surrounding the turkey. It's the fixings.

I love stuffing. Yeah, the sides. I love mashed potatoes. I love a variety, the whole variety of potatoes. Do you remember in the 90s where there was a push to just make us eat stuffing all the time? Yeah. The stovetop commercial? Yeah, the stovetop, yeah.

I wish that had caught on. Yeah, I've never made stuffing as the time? Yeah. The stovetop commercial? Yeah, the stovetop, yeah. I wish that had caught on. Yeah, there's not, I've never made stuffing as an adult. No. No. I don't even know how it. I barely know what it is. Yeah, what is it?

I think it's bread. Is it just bread? Bread crumbs. Meat drippings? Is it just fucking bread crumbs? I'll tell you what bums me out. It's when celery shows up in a fucking stuffing.

Oh, I will kill you. Keep celery out of everything. It's a garnish. It's a fucking garnish. Oh, I will kill you. Keep celery out of everything. It's a garnish. It's a fucking garnish. Ah. The nerve. My buddy texted me a picture of a fucking tuna fish sandwich he was eating the other day.

And it looked amazing. And I zoomed in a little bit. The fucking thing was mostly celery. Get the fucking celery out of there. Celery is mostly water. Why would you cut it up and put it in anything? I think it's the crisp. It's already wet.

It's the crispiness of it. People like the crispiness of the celery. The crunch? Yeah, the crunch. You could accomplish that with a carrot. Put a couple walnuts in it. Walnuts. Walnuts.

Yeah, nuts in there. I would rather, honestly, there were dice. Dice? Get the crunch from a dice. What? A lot of people don't understand the secret to my tuna fish it's dice dice

I put dice in there celery aside I fuck with Thanksgiving food in a major way I love I love the football part of it there's three games instead of one

three games now yeah right yeah watch the Dallas do whatever they're gonna do growing up we would do a turkey bowl every year

where oh that's awesome my older brother who's nine years older than me, and all his friends had a football game. And when I was like 12, they invited me to start playing. Oh, shit. Because you were their size.

Because I was gigantic, yeah. And I played it all the way through until I was 18, and some guy broke his orbital bone and missed a bunch of work, and then we stopped doing it. It's also great. It's all fun and games until you can't go back to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It goes on disability

teens don't care they have health insurance yeah it's a it's a guaranteed four day weekend too it is a four day weekend yes

yeah so you miss a lot of work and there's also some of that Christmas element of going home and going to the barns yeah I'll give you that

Wednesday night Wednesday night at home is incredible it's crazy I like that it's weird because I just shit so hard on the Christmas. But for some reason, I feel like the people I like are in town during Thanksgiving. Yeah, well, it's Wednesday.

That's almost like its own holiday. I feel like Christmas is a little sad. You don't know when people are going to be out. Nobody's on Christmas Eve. Nobody knows their schedule. But Wednesday, that day is locked in. People are going to be home. We're going to go get wasted.

And that's the purpose of the night, too. To get trash. Meet me at the Red Robin Bar. Is that yours? Where do people start? It's Denver? I mean, so if we were going to do it, we would probably meet at Buffalo Boyds

in Parker. Or somewhere in Parker. Or maybe like Sherry's or something yeah just like a crappy place that's also a restaurant yeah

now that I'm back in Portland it's either Holman's or the Standard usually that night just kind of a divy bar where like the well whiskey comes out it just like

yeah so do you like Thanksgiving more or less than Christmas oh probably probably less so Christmas above Thanksgiving what does Christmas have that Thanksgiving doesn't presents that's it more or less than Christmas? Probably less. So Christmas above Thanksgiving.

What does Christmas have that Thanksgiving doesn't? Presents. That's it. Maybe it's the nostalgia factor. You were on phase. You know what? Oh, that's it? Maybe not. Presents are fucking incredible, man.

As an adult, maybe divorced of nostalgia. I enjoy Thanksgiving more, maybe. Yeah, because for me me Thanksgiving is the Christmas I get to celebrate There's pie It's like a non-religious Thanksgiving And I love sitting around a table giving thanks As corny as it is

We do that in the house Mom will get choked up for a second I like the Thanksgiving smells More than I like the Christmas smells It's amazing smells It's more savory than sweet smells. Yeah. It is oddly close to Thanksgiving. Like, there's no

reason for it to be three weeks before Thanksgiving. Christmas and Thanksgiving? That's what makes the whole year so stressful. Thanksgiving is the first one. It's fun. You break the seal. By Christmas, you're just slogging through it. Yeah, you're like, shit, I gotta go back? You just wanna get to New Year's. Like, if I was Christmas, I'd be pissed at Thanksgiving. They're like, alright, I gotta go back? You just wanna get to New Year's. Like, if I was Christmas, I'd be pissed at Thanksgiving.

They're like, alright, it's this, we're gonna do it too now, four weeks before you, everyone gets together. Thanksgiving should be in October. Or even early. Or even,

oh shit, that's right. September. Even September. It makes sense. Just right after it gets cold. That's when you start getting those Thanksgiving colors. September would be fine.

September would be good. Maybe like 9-11, we rebranded as Thanksgiving. We should, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. September would be good. Maybe like 9-11. We rebranded as Thanksgiving. We should. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to ruin it because I have 9-11 on my list. I have 9-11 on my list. Somebody got too short on the horn.

We got it for the holiday. That wasn't cute. When he dressed 9-11, that's not adorable. It's not as cute. My top four picks are gone, and we're only in the fifth pick. They went right off the board. Now to give us his second pick, Jake Hurwitz.

Wow. Very excited. This was, I think this might have been the Xmas Easter one-two punch. Oh no. Get all the Christians in America voting for you. I think this was my true number two.

I got my number one and two. Whoa, no shit. New Year's Eve. Oh. That's a good one. I don't do it. I don't either. Sorry, pass.

I knew it was another Polarizing one I It's for amateurs Explain your pick Cause I believe You have a good reasoning Behind it I know

Well I know why You guys don't like it There's like There's stress So much pressure Everybody's counting On New Year's Eve To be like

A really great night And nobody knows What to do And then you end up Like spending $95 To go to a bar that you don't have any fun at. And you kiss this girl Ramona

who has a knife. Yeah. Or vice versa. And you've got to kiss somebody if you don't, you're a loser. Shout out Ramona. I don't think she listens.

She might. She's on my Instagram. I forget you do Graham clips of this episode so she'll reach it. We tag everyone. But I would submit that I think if you think if you can really nail New Year's, if you can do it and it does live up to the hype,

there's nothing better than a night where it's designed to be incredible, that it's the last thing you do in a year. You get a fresh start. You get to announce things that you want to change about yourself that you're going to do starting the next day. Which is my favorite thing to do. Yeah. I do that.

I'm going to do that later tonight. I'm just going to get real drunk. By May 23rd resolution. I love getting dolled up and going out and expecting the night to go really well. Where are you going? Yeah, what have been some things you've done? Because I'm terrible at it.

Yeah, the last few, I've stayed in. Have you ever fallen asleep before midnight on New Year's? That's peak level, I don't give a fuck. This last New Year's with the one before, yeah. You're like asleep by 11, 15. I stayed in with my lady friend, and I was at her house in Denver, and I don't think I even made it to midnight. Awesome, man.

Hammered drunk, though. I think the best New Year's I've had, throwing parties with friends. I think that's what you've got to do. You've got to take control in New Year's I've had throwing parties with friends I think that's what you gotta do you gotta take control in New Year's we threw a party at a warehouse once we rented a mansion upstate with 20 people one time that sounds great

those are good ideas it was a lot of fun we rented a bar in New York one time too it's not mostly me taking the reins but I've got a lot of fun. We rented a bar in New York one time, too. It's not mostly me taking the reins, but I've got a group of friends that will do that type of thing. Your two holidays are also a week apart. Yeah. I mean, I love that run.

I love the run. It's a great run. Because Christmas is just all about family. I don't do anything. I'm just with my parents, with my sisters, with my brother. The end. And then New Year's is like, bye, Mom and Dad. I'm going to New York City, and I'm going to rage my face off.

I still haven't had a good New Year's, I think, in my entire life. I've never had that quintessential. Me neither. We need to turn it around this year. That's a New Year's resolution. We've got to do something. It'll be our May 22nd resolution is to have a good New Year's resolution. Just because I've seen the movies, I don't have a relation. It does look amazing. It does look so great. It a good New Year's resolution. I just, because I've seen the movies

and I don't have a relation. It does look amazing. It does look like so great. It's good. It's good. I would love to be wearing a tuxedo. I want to be dressed up

for sure. Yeah. I want to be somewhere cool. Oh, you know what? Me and Sam Talent for the program, we were talking about maybe doing Mexican New Year's.

Oh, Mexican New Year's. Like all-inclusive resort. You should do a Mexican tuxedo then, too. I don't know what that is. It's like with the... That's when they slit your throat. Isn't it like the... Maybe it's not a tuxedo.

That's a Colombian necktie. Never wear one with a Mexican tuxedo. It's the mariachi suit thing with the sombrero. That high-cut tuxedo. Is that a Mexican tuxedo? I don't know. Is that when they wear to prom? We need a Prospera Años, dude. That high cut tuxedo. Is that a Mexican tuxedo? I don't know. Is that when they wear to prom? We didn't get that

Prospera Agnios, dude. It sounds like it probably is. But I think the first step is wearing a tuxedo for New Year's and then after that you cannot have a bad night. That's a good point.

I've never had a bad time. What are your thoughts on New Year's Day? Because I like New Year's Day more than New Year's Eve. Me too. What? It might be a separate pick.

But that was on New Year's Day. It might be a separate pick. The football games, the bowl games, and then the like staying indoors, hungover, parade style, whatever the fuck. I feel like that is a separate pick. Okay, I won't say it. You might be taking it because, Amir, it is time for your second pick. See, now I'm torn.

Do I want to diversify my portfolio or do I want to stay on theme? Natalie Imbruglio over here. Gosh, this is tough. Okay, I'll stay on theme. Trust my gut. It's coming up. It's Memorial Day. The beginning of the summer.

Kind of like Fourth of July light. Kicks it off. Fourth of July light. Yeah, it is. So it's still summer, but the beginning of the summer, so people are more excited. You get the Monday off guaranteed, three-day weekend. I don't fully understand. I like the Monday off guaranteed, three-day weekend. I don't fully understand. I like the fact

that it's non-religious, so you're not celebrating anything specifically. Well, it celebrates the religion of war. Yeah. Hey, man, you're squeezing my thigh.

Did you earn that holiday, son? Stolen valor. And again, barbecue, good food. It is a great barbecue. I always associate Memorial Holiday with being sunburnt by a lake for some reason. Yeah, I was going to say it's a good getaway. Yeah. Like the first, like, let's go to the lake.

I've had, like, good fishing trips on Memorial Day. I feel like I always forget when it is. Like, Fourth of July is one that I planned for. Yeah, you confuse them, and then all of a sudden it's next week, and I look at the lake house prizes, and they've really skyrocketed. It is next week. It is? I'm going to be in fucking London for it.

Oh, that sucks, dude. I'm not excited about that. Do they do it there? You're going to come to London? I guess so, right? All right, let's all go to London. I can't. I was just there.

Is it Worldwide Memorial Day? No, it's American. Oh, New Year's Eve. That's another thing for New Year's Eve. It's a worldwide holiday. It is a worldwide. That is cool about that. The whole entire world.

Wow, that's beautiful. I like about New Year's Eve, no matter what, you can hear the countdown. Yeah. If you listen, you can just hear people do it no matter where you're at. That's kind of cool. Yeah, people kiss each other. All right, I'll say New Year's Eve. What?

Yeah, yeah, I want it. One steal, right? Can we just do that? Memorial Day. One steal for a show? Yeah, yeah, one steal. I don't even know if I would trade New Year's Eve for Fourth of July. Wow.

Whoa. We should do trades at the end. That is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wouldn't? Memorial, yeah. Memorial Day's got great reason for it. Great reason for trades at the end. That is crazy. You wouldn't? Yeah. Memorial Day's got great reason for it. Great reason for the season.

Yeah. Honoring our fallen troops. And I like the warm weather days. Yeah. It is. People always have barbecues on it, too. It's also like the end of the school year, which is the most exciting time growing up. That's true.

As a kid. As a kid when Memorial Day ran around. Yeah. It came around. Yeah. Yeah, he knew. Because you got that Monday off and then it was only like two, three more weeks until you were done, period. Yeah, he started kicking up dust. Yeah.

And NBA playoffs too. That's true. Yeah. This year. Fucking not great playoffs. Not a lot of fun. Not a lot of fun. Great finals.

Fuck the Warriors. Yeah. I had to go all the way to Amsterdam and get stoned just to have Kevin Durant turn his back on Russell Westbrook. What a rollercoaster of emotions that day was. Hey, that guy could have been on your team if you had a different GM. That's true. What, Kevin Durant? Yeah.

On the Blazers? Yeah. They had the number one pick that draft. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. He could have left our team. God, what a thrill. Who did they take with that number one pick?

Oh, it was Greg Oden. No. All right number one pick? Oh, it was Greg Oden. No. All right, never mind. Nobody. Greg Oden. Whose jersey I still wear. 52? At the live All Fantasy everything.

I was rocking a Greg Oden jersey. Here's a great game. A great story. Yesterday, our intern, not our intern, our co-worker now, was at the Cavs game. He said, Greg Oden just sat in front of me wearing a baby Bjorn without a baby. What? That's right. Was his dick in it?

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Like a nacho zits. Anything else to say about Memorial Day? It's 4th of July light. It's junior 4th of July. And I kind of regret taking two, but if you know what you like, then I just went all in. And I think my next one will be there. You drafted your running back and his backup. Yeah, my handcuff.

Just in case 4th of July tears his ACL. With Trump in office, could happen. Thank you. David Borey. I got a couple weird ones. Top of the order. Back to back. Second, and then third pick. Second pick? Yeah. Cinco de Mayo. Oh, yes! Because not only is it wonderful

it's my birthday it is your birthday it is your birthday I've never had a bad time in Denver when I was like 18 to 22 there used to be this thing you'd go up to Federal Boulevard in Denver and you would cruise the feds

so there would be like low riders and shit out there and fights and hot girls and everybody was drinking and stuff we were never in cool cars but we were still driving around yeah it's just it's just like so fun yeah it's a great holiday if you can surround yourself by with a ton of latino people it's great i've done it like once in like parker colorado with a bunch of white people real weird different experience It's very strange. It feels a little, that's when cultural appropriation where I start to be like, oh, maybe. Yeah, maybe we're doing more harm.

Oh, yeah. A lot of accents. I've almost only celebrated, I guess, every holiday with mostly white people, but definitely Fourth of July or Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, no, that's not the way. It's still a great holiday. I like a good Mexican food themed holiday. Yes.

Oh my gosh, man. And you get the tequila with no English on the bottle and you just go for it, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much fun. The thing I like, I guess is you probably haven't had this experience since it's your birthday, but many, many Cinco de Mayos, I don't realize that it's Cinco de Mayo until the actual day. Sure. Right. So it's like a nice

little, it's like a holiday surprise. We're like, hey, congrats, you get to get drunk tonight. That's the other thing. It's exactly my experience with it too. I'm like, it's fucking Cinco de Mayo? Oh shit! And that's very cool about it. That changes everything. I like it. It's like a diet holiday, you know what I mean?

Because even from what I understand, even to Mexican people, it's not because even from what i understand even to mexican people it's not like that's not the huge one you know it's commemorating the battle of puebla yeah something like that so it's not like a big deal but yeah i just love i love i love it man it's always a good time you know what i was just thinking this is completely unrelated but somewhat related uh on our last go around or after our last go-round, we should say our least favorite holidays. Oh, I remember that. Because that made me think of my least favorite holiday.

I got some moves to make. That could almost be a different episode. Your least favorite. That could be least favorite holidays. Holidays I fucking can't stand. Say good morning. Great food holiday. Great food.

Do you while out and get the Mexican food too? Do you go the completely themed day? So in my, so I go through phases. When I was a kid, I would always go to Mexican food too? Do you go completely theme day? I go through phases. When I was a kid, I would always go to Mexican food restaurants. Do you remember Azteca in Washington State? So many birthdays I've had at Azteca. We had an Azteca in Beaverton.

Mini Mexican pizza. So many birthdays at Azteca. And then my mom would just be like, David, this is like there's so many people here. So then I'd calm down. And then in my 20s, kicked back up. And now, yeah, I'll go full Mexican. I love it.

I'll go full Mexican. I love having the full day. I like a breakfast burrito. Yeah. That's what we're trying to do next year. Then I'll eat some menudo the next day because I'm all hungover. You fuck with menudo? I fuck with menudo.

Doesn't it have tripe in it? Isn't it tripe? It has tripe. I can't do tripe. It has tripe. I can't do tripe. It has tripe and I like it super spicy with a lot of lime. I like it real spicy. Do you guys do tripe? No. I can't do it. Intestines. Come on, man. But I don't know what menudo is.

I just like any fish. It's like a hot Mexican soup. No, tripe's not fish. Tripe is intestines. Oh, intestine soup. It's like... Never mind. It's like tomato-based. It's real spicy. I love it. I can't do it. It's like... Never mind. It's like tomato-based. It's real spicy. I love it. I can't do it.

It's a hot ketchup with intestines in it. I would try it. I mean, that is very basic. Hot intestine ketchup. Yeah, I feel like that's the Alabama version. Chili's and spice. It's great. I love a menudo. But yeah, I love it.

I love getting the weird... Have you ever got a chelada? Yeah, those beer with... But yeah, I love it. I love getting the weird... Have you ever got a chalada? Yeah. With the beer? With the crazy... With the tomato and the tequila and shrimp all over it. No. Crazy giant chalets.

Yeah. I've seen commercials for it. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, getting some of that. I do love the spicy beer thing that... Oh, yeah. Mexican tea beer. Oh, yeah.

I love a tomato beer. I'm into that. Yeah, I like it all. I like it all. A nice red beer. Yeah. I love a tomato beer. I'm into that. Yeah, I like it all. A nice red beer. Yeah, I'm a big yeah. But Cinco de Mayo, always good for me. Cinco de Mayo, a.k.a. Cinco de Bori. Uh-huh.

And what is your third pick? My third pick, now this is going to get squirrely. Granted, I only ever did this in San Francisco when I was living there. Okay. Carnival. Carnival? Oh, my God. They have a street fair in San Francisco when I was living there. Okay. Carnival. Carnival? Oh my god.

They have a street fair in San Francisco. It is fucking ridiculous. I've heard of this. It's so like just the feeling in your, I don't even know how to explain it. There's just their dancing and they got drums

and hey! I like a lot of people like yelling multiple times and stuff like that like it's so much fun the most beautiful women i've ever seen just come out of the city is it a brazilian holiday i think it's like uh it was in san francisco yeah san francisco they have a carnival like festival yeah from what i tell, because I looked it up a little bit, it's basically, like, before Lent. Yes. And it's just, like, so it's about getting out all the bad shit before Lent.

While the fuck out before Lent. Yeah, so it's about, like, weird sex and, like, eating too much food and getting hammered and being mean to people in some places. Whoa. Yeah. Really? Let's just, like, get all that bad shit out. You know what I mean?

Let's just go tell the cobbler, fuck you. Yeah. You gotta be nice to him. Yeah, you just gotta, like, get it all out during Carnival. And, man. And then, like, when you see it, like, I would love to go to Rio de Janeiro. They got fucking parades, man. It looks so dope in Rio.

It's like the Big Pimpin' video. It is? It's like being in the Big Pimpin' video. Who doesn't want that? Holy shit, man. Rio is in Brazil? Yeah. So if you could go anytime, would you rather go

just on a regular old weekend in Rio, or would you go for Carnival? I would go for Carnival. I feel like I would die. I would be trampled. No, no. You would be reborn. A part of you would. Yeah. A part of you would die.

You would no longer be Jake. You'd be Jacquet. Oh, I like that actually. Or I don't know. Jacob. That sounds like Jacquet Harry. Jacob. Jacob, I think was my Spanish name in high school.

That's what you are in Carnival. You're Jacob. Jacob. Man, no shirt on. Just wearing a feather on Just wearing a feather Just wearing a That sounds like me at Burning Man too I think

I think that There's a lot of parallels I think there are Because you're supposed to get hammered drunk Yeah And you're supposed to just Go nuts It's sort of like if Yom Kippur had a

Had a lead up Why doesn't Yom Kippur have a lead up? You guys gotta get on that I know Is Yom Kippur just like You're That's you doing bad shit all year and then you make up for it in a day? Maybe that's why. It's because Yom Kippur is only one day, so we don't deserve a carnival.

Right, so Lent is like, I'm going to be super good. Right, because Yom Kippur, you have to be good for one day. Yeah. So it's 364 days of being all right, passable. I kind of like that. You have to be really good for one day, but Lent is what would be kind of good for 40 days? Yeah, 40 days of being perfect?

Well, you're supposed to give up something that is big for you, right? You know what I mean? So I would give up Carnival for the next one. Are you supposed to give up a vice or just anything that you like? I'll give up quality vice or just like anything that you like? Like I'll give up – I can't even think of something. Quality time with my family. I literally could not think of something that I liked that wasn't a vice. I've known some Catholic people who ride hard on it and they'll give up like cigarettes or bad food or like –

Yeah, but it's always stuff that's supposedly good for you to give up. That you should probably give up anyway. Does anybody give up like writing? I like to write. I do it all the time. So I'm going to punish myself if I won't write for 40 days. Is give up writing? I like to write. I do it all the time. So I'm going to punish myself if I won't write for 40 days. Is that the point? I don't know.

Jews give up food. Everybody wants that. And light switches for a day. Yeah. Yeah. That's not for just sundown to sundown, like a Sabbath situation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sundown to sundown.

Sundown, sundown. Carnival, that sounds awesome. I sincerely hope you get to spend it in Rio one year. Man, I just... I see that happening for you. My heart gets excited

just thinking about it, man. Did you say when it was? It's, I think, November. Oh, wow. Day of Thanksgiving. It's what it would be. I mean, if it's before Lent, it would be in...

No, no, no. It's April. April, April. Yeah, April, yeah. April's a good month. Yeah, there's not much happening in April. Tax day. Does anybody have tax day ready to do? Yeah, that's my next April. Yeah, April, yeah. April's a good month. Yeah, there's not much happening in April. Tax day. Does anybody have tax day ready to do?

Yeah, that's my next pick. That's my next one. Love to give $12,000 to the government. It's always 12 grand. You subscribe to a flat tax? Every year, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a personal thing. I've never owed that much,

but it is a personal ethos, and I'm optimistic about myself. I put myself in the tax bracket I want to be in. It's aspirational tax pay. That's good. Amir, it's time for your third pick. I'd be remiss if I didn't choose my favorite Jewish holiday, Chanukah. Chanukah.

You celebrated it? Oh, yeah. You celebrated it? You did not celebrate it. I've never thrown down. Let me tell you a little bit about Hanukkah and why I like it so much. It's non- There's no prayer.

So there's no church or synagogue going. There's two food restrictions. One of them is just you have to eat a lot of fried food. So donuts is part of the holiday. Yep. food. So donuts is part of the holiday. Deep fried jelly donuts is part of the holiday. Deep fried potato pancakes, part of the holiday. How long have the Jews been deep frying? It must have been since the temple, I guess.

Hanukkah itself is an oil-based holiday. It's an oil-based holiday, so it smells great. Oh, wow. I never even thought about it. You guys are deep in the fry game. Deep fry in the deep fry game. I never knew that. Yeah, that's right.

That's good to know. It's eight days long, so you celebrate a little bit. It's family time, which is fine, fun, friendly. You get to see people that you don't necessarily get to see. The songs are nice. The Hanukkiah part is nice, lighting the candles every night. Great songs. I love the songs. The songs are nice. The Hanukkiah part is nice, lighting the candles every night. Great songs. I love the songs.

Great songs. I love the OG songs. I love Adam Sandler's contribution. I still fuck with it. It's fun to count it down. Yeah, it is. Count out the holiday. Is it?

Eight through one, one through eight. And if you like the gifts, you got the gifts too. They can be good gifts too. It can be no gifts. It can be gifts. Yeah. Here's my question is it celebrated mostly in the home or is it about like parties and coming together we well you go answer first because you're the jewishist uh it is homes but not

necessarily your home like you'll go to another family home or you'll go to a friend's house and you'll you basically get eight attempts to celebrate this holiday sometimes it's you by yourself sometimes it's with more people. But, yeah, mostly in homes, mostly eating fried food. Mostly fried. So that's like I had Hanukkah last week. That's right. You accidentally celebrate Hanukkah whenever you want.

It lives in all of us. Whenever you have hash friends. You also lit a menorah, which is crazy. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, there was a candelabra. You lit it up. I enjoy dreidel even. Oh, right. I like a rollah, which is crazy. Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, there was a candelabra. You lit it up. I even, I enjoy dreidel even. Oh, right.

I like a rollicking game of dreidel. Yeah, there's gambling involved. How does dreidel work? So it's a top, four sides, and depending on what side falls, you either get the gelt or have to put more gelt in, and it's just chocolate coins. Sorry, and on New Year's Eve, you get drunk and fuck a stranger. So, you can do that on a holiday. You can do that.

If you drink enough Mary and Barry Manischewitz. Yeah, you can do it anywhere. Do you ever play with real? Do you guys ever throw down like with real coins? Oh, wow. Non-chocolate guilt?

I never have. Rich kids play with real. What would I spend the real money on? Chocolate coins. Yeah. I just cut the middle of it. It goes straight to the chocolate. Yeah, favorite Jewish holiday.

What can I say? Hanukkah. It's a great, it's a fantastic festival. Do you ever run into the problem of forgetting to celebrate all eight nights? Yeah. It's tough to do it fully. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even when I was younger and doing Hanukkah, there were nights where we would be like,

oh shit, everybody get up, get get up go we gotta light the menorah at the very least you have to light a candle and then other than that you don't have to like celebrate celebrate they gotta make an app for it they gotta have like a phone menorah I bet there is there probably is here's a weird question and I just

I've never asked this before because I've been ignorant I feel like it's a safe question and I just I've never asked this before because I've been ignorant I feel like it's a safe space is it what oh sorry I just I thought you were asking something

but yeah is it do we have tails is it literally the same eight nights or is it a rotating like third weekend well it's on the

it's on the Jewish calendar yeah so every Jewish holiday which is not completely congruent with yeah so it's always on the it's on the Jewish calendar. Yeah, so every Jewish holiday. Which is not completely congruent with... Yeah, so it's always on the same night in the Jewish calendar? Always on the same night in the Jewish calendar, but where it lines up in the American English calendar varies from like late November to late December.

Right, so sometimes it can eclipse. This past year was really fun because the first night of Hanukkah was Christmas Eve. That's right. And the last night of Hanukkah was New Year's. Yeah, which is a rarity. That was a fun little party. That's when Christmas and Hanukkah go

head to head. They do go head to head. And that's when you really find out who the fucking winner is. And it's St. Nick. Jolly old. Hanukkah, yeah. I've had some great Hanukkahs, but no real remarkable Hanukkahs. Just beautiful, like a good chicken dish, like a good roasted chicken. Solid chicken, solid brisket, a lot of latkes.

I mean, I love latkes. I love latkes too. Sour cream or applesauce? Sour cream all day. Yeah, I'm applesauce. You're an applesauce guy. This is going to sound maybe kind of weird, but I put tuna fish on a latke this year, and it was really good. I could see that being okay.

It was tuna fish, a little cholula on a fried potato. Wow. That does sound good. I get it. Global cuisine. Yeah, I get it. Call you fucking Epcot Center over here. Yeah, man.

I'm fucking with it. Yeah, great. It is a safe space. You're ready to celebrate Hanukkah. I don't even... I'm thinking about it. Jelly donuts, official food of Hanukkah. It's great.

That's rare. Did you guys invent jelly donuts? I don't know, because if they were eating it back in the day... I feel like poor people in Eastern Europe invented donuts, and we were that. Who put the jelly in it first? Who put the jelly in there? Probably us, because we had to smuggle our jelly. Probably Judah the Maccabee, right?

It was Judah Maccabee. You guys are jelly smugglers? The Burgermeisters wouldn't let us have jelly so we had to smuggle them in the... I don't know. I'm making this all up.

I don't like the way jelly smugglers sounded either. What's your fucking jelly smugglers? It doesn't sound good. No, it doesn't. I don't know

what I'm going to do. I got two picks left and I already feel like I'm scraping at the the very least, the middle of the barrel. I know. We're definitely in the middle towards the bottom of the barrel. Wait, this is my third pick? It's your third pick. No shit.

I only picked two. See, I have New Year's and Christmas. Christmas and New Year's. What other December-based holiday are you about to take, Jake? Pearl Harbor Day, December 7th, 1942? Question mark? I'm going to take... I feel like all my picks are going to be polarizing,

but Election Night. Oh! I've had... High highs, low lows. Yeah, the stakes are so high. They are. And this year was really brutal, so I understand that it's hard to imagine.

But try to picture how much we would have celebrated if the outcome was the other way. It would have been huge. I could have died the night Obama got elected the first time. Dude, it was so dope. I talked to my mom. She was crying. I was like, I think my shirt was off for a while. That night, in the morning, I was like, I high-fived a cab driver, just like smiling at random people.

Yeah, the first Obama? Yeah, the first Obama. Also, the nuggets were hot that time. Oh, they were? That was huge for us. That was mellow nuggets. Yeah. I watched Obama get elected in a bar in like, in the East Village.

And when he, when they like announced like the final results, my friend and I just like ran to union square and it was a mob scene it was just like people were smoking weed and like on shoulders waving american flags it was incredible and then the next time obama got elected i was even more nervous and when he won i like uh had sex with somebody yeah so you know election nights are great. When you win, it's really, really fucking good. The second time I was so cocky, I didn't even know. I was like, yeah, of course. Yeah, that's true. I wasn't worried the second time.

But once you come away with that win, too, you're like, it's not like a Super Bowl or a World Series. It's for four years. Four years. Yeah. Yeah. It's like an Olympic gold. It is.

It's Olympic gold. Even when the person who I want to win the World Series, I'm like, all right, next year, we've got to defend the title. Yeah, yeah's like an Olympic gold. It is, it's Olympic gold. Even when the person who I want to win the World Series, I'm like, all right, next year, we've got to defend the title. Yeah, yeah. Four years. We're really just going to enjoy this for three months of the offseason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's already back to work.

You're right. Election night is good. But then you think about this last one. You take that L so hard. It's tough. There have not been a lot of Ls. Even the last one we were celebrating a little bit. I got drunk with an illegal one. Really? It's tough. There have not been a lot of L's that... The last one we were celebrating a little bit. Jake brought a flag.

I got drunk with an illegal immigrant. Really? On the last one? For drunk? Yeah, we got me and my buddy... I'm not going to say his name because I don't know. Because he's an illegal immigrant. And they're fucking rounding him up now.

Yeah, he's a DACA kid. But yeah, we got... We were watching it and we saw... And we got fucking... Pretty close to crying. Yeah. It was bad. I was supposed to meet up after work with my girlfriend at the time, who has since broken my heart.

That Harpy. Shout out to Sharon. Shout out to Melania. Shout out to Melania. I met up with her and we were supposed to go over to one of her friends' house for a dinner, a little celebration type thing. And on the drive over to her house, these reports were coming in where it was like, it's looking pretty tight. And I got there, and I was like, what do we do? I don't want to go meet your friends tonight.

We can't. She was like, I don't want to go over there either. And we just sat there and got hammered on red wine on our couch and just like had the saddest sex later that night and then i had to go to work the next day on the late late show and like figure out like okay how does late night comedy light like late night light-hearted comedy respond to fucking the trump election yeah which it was the worst it was and i was red wine hungover that was the worst one of my whole life, yeah. Yeah. The Bush ones just didn't seem as sinister. The second Clinton one was the worst, but Trump was up there. Yeah, I remember the first election I cared about was the second Bush one.

Because I remember being in high school during the Bush score. Yeah. And it was more like, this is crazy that it hasn't been decided. Yes. Not like, shit, one of these guys is evil yeah and then but yeah the second

the second Bush one I was like I was sad but it wasn't like I don't know it was like debilitating the next Trump I didn't think we were like

I didn't feel doomed yeah I was just like ah damn that sucks yeah I was like that's a bummer for gay people you know

like that yeah when Trump was like I'm like oh what a bummer for gay people you know like that yeah when Trump was elected I'm like oh what a bummer for everyone right yeah shit

well now humanity is finished yeah election night that's a good sleeper that is a good that is a good one yeah

and let's hope let's hope we're gonna get in four years we're gonna have a real real nice one yeah yeah or like even

next year because of the special election called due to all of them they're trying to make that an actual holiday it should make it an actual holiday

yeah because like people still have work so they're like there's this whole movement to try to make it a real national holiday that's actually true that it's not technically

a national holiday so there's a there's a little bit of a poignant message to my pick as well I like that on the record alright so do you want to

choose an actual holiday sure to Harvard Day President's Day message to my pick as well. I like that. I like that on the record. All right, so do you want to choose an actual holiday? Sure, I'll do Harbor Day, President's Day. Yeah, I mean, that could go later.

It's getting scammed at this point. Sleepers. Someone's going to have to choose a kicker, you know what I mean? Yeah, right, fucking exactly.

All right, it's on me. It's Bon Me. It's Bon Me sandwich. Oh, delicious Bon Me with a culturally insensitive Chipotle sort of situation on me. It's Bon Me. It's Bon Me sandwich. Yeah. Oh, delicious Bon Me. With a culturally insensitive Chipotle sort of situation on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just mix of two cultures. I love the carrots on there. Yeah, I love a Bon Me. It's a good Bon Me. Something I might eat, by the way, on this next holiday. Oh. Because I am taking. Vietnam Independence Day.

Hitler's birthday. 420. 420. Oh, shit. For the 20th of April. Okay. am taking. Vietnam Independence Day. Hitler's birthday. 420! 420! Oh! For the 20th of April. Not because of the Hitler thing, but it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. It's mostly Columbine based.

It's mostly a Columbine based holiday for me. I actually kind of like that 420 is Hitler's birthday because it's me, a Jew, just getting completely stoned. Celebrating on Hitler's birthday, because it's me, a Jew, just getting completely stoned. Oh, it's a big fuck you. So just celebrating on Hitler's birthday. Yeah, yeah.

And he's not around to celebrate it. Yeah, he had to kill himself in a bunker to blow his fucking brains out. That's how high he got. Yeah. Yeah, I've gotten Hitler's birthday high, though. Yeah. I love it. Not that I need an occasion to smoke weed,

but I do love a day that's sort of built around it and there's no guilt associated with it whatsoever. It's always good. I've had, listen, I performed with the Ying Yang twins this 420. Oh, my God. That's amazing. The last three or four I've been in Denver for. I love 420, man.

We were in Denver. Everybody's just stoked. Yeah. Everybody's happy. It's a college holiday almost more than any. Like the 20s. It really is a college holiday. It's shifted in Denver, man. It really is like for everybody.

Oh, really? Like the craziest people have 420 shows. Like this year in Denver, I was looking at the Westward and Lisa Loeb had a 420 show. What? Like your dad, your dad's your red wine dad's are getting in on it now. It's for everybody.

Yeah, I just love it. That's the one day I'll like get, purposefully get so stoned that I cease to be able to function. Yeah. I will eat jalapeno poppers on that day. I will fall asleep to a movie

on tnt that day oh yeah yeah lots of naps yeah there's definitely this is a regular thing for me but i'm definitely watching some of my favorite music videos that's your favorite it's like a solitary like self-love holiday where you're like i'm gonna be stoned and like do everything i like that's a like, eat my favorite foods, watch my favorite... Because there isn't really a holiday like that. There's not. It's like a mental health day for you. You're just like, stay inside, do anything you want,

guilt-free. That's a great point. As long as you smoke a ton a week. A ton a week. That should be a total holiday. I've done it both ways. I've done a soul show where we got a group of people together and got super stoned. And I've done it solo.. I've done it social where we got a group of people together and got super stoned. And I've done it solo. I like to keep it small in the day

and then turn up at night. So in the day, a few close friends kind of like doing it. But definitely getting crazy baked. And then at the night, just like... Because I get to a point where it doesn't matter how much more weed I smoke, I'm not going to get any higher yeah so like

i'll keep smoking but it's not doing anything it's just ceremonial yeah definitely been since like high school that i felt so stoned that i couldn't get any higher really yeah oh i've been there recently yeah i was that on 420. do you do any other drugs? Are you drinking at all, too? Yeah, but even that is blocked out by just... It's all wicked. It's great. I was in the Ying Yang Twins. That'd be amazing. Yeah, it was pretty good, man.

I feel like I would need to be really stoned to watch the Ying Yang Twins. Yeah, it's not... If you are taking into account everything that's happening, it becomes sad. Yeah. So, yeah, you gotta get... That's the one... 420 is the one day a year where I appreciate sort of a jangly groove band

music. You know, like Grateful Dead. I'll definitely put on one or two Grateful Dead songs. Anyway, that's 420 for me, baby. That's my third pick. And with my fourth pick... Oh no. You're gonna take it. I don't think I am.

Passover. Did you take it? It was on my list, but I didn't want to take it. I don't think I am. Okay. Passover. Okay. Did you take it? It was on my list, but I didn't want to go back-to-back Jew days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to get one of the Jew days, and Passover is my favorite remaining Jew day. That's my second favorite Jewish holiday. Imagine that I only know about Passover via that Rugrats episode.

Sure. That's it. You're done. Okay. All right. The interesting thing about Passover to me is that it kind of does suck. And I say that as somebody who really likes Passover. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's like a multi-hour Seder where you have to listen to a story that you hear all the time. Yeah. And eat a bunch of bad food. Oh, you eat bad food? No, just during the Seder. Oh, I see, I see, I see. During the Seder, you have to like eat all the bad shit. Oh, we have to pretend like a matzo with like a little bit of like a harorana.

Harorana. That's good, yeah. Like, yeah, putting the parsley into the salt water. Like now I know what it's like to experience slavery or whatever. Like, so I just don't understand how it why is it good the the ten plagues are sick it's rad

it's rad that our god did that like the story itself yeah the ten plagues are pretty sick yeah fucking moraine locusts

that's so weird some of the ten plagues repeat themselves boils which ones locusts and pests I think are the same locusts and pestilence

no locusts locusts are those cricket things think, are the same. Locusts and pestilence. Locusts are those cricket things specifically, right? They make that noise. I can't remember all the plagues, but I think that there's... I don't know. Frogs and locusts are basically the same to me, too. No, come on. One's a sloppy one.

It's just like a bunch of inconvenient animals. Yeah, but one's sloppy, one's dry. What about the rivers turning into blood? That one's bad. That one's like locusts. Some of them, yeah, that's like, some of them did swing wildly.

Like, it's frogs, and people are like, oh, okay, and the river's made of blood! And then your firstborn's dead. And your firstborn's dead. The firstborn, that's the worst one.

That's definitely the worst. Here's the problem with the Passover story is we've let it be told by boring storytellers because it's always told by your dad or your uncle He's like a Frank Miller's Passover

Yeah, you need Frank Miller's Passover if you bring someone in who's like It really depends on your Seder We do a shorter Seder now Short Seder is good and also good songs at the end, post-dinner songs I love Diana I love Diana Is S. I love Diana.

I just looked at those. Is Seder done in your house? Yeah. Yes. So you pick the length. Yeah. That's right. I wish all church was done in your own home.

Oh, there's no synagogue going either. That's another home holiday. Which one? You don't have to go to synagogue for Passover. Oh, yeah, you don't. Yeah, it's home. Okay. Okay, here's my argument.

The idea about Passover is that it's like, you're supposed to be relaxed at home. Yeah. This is like what, this is... Mandatory wine, too. Mandatory. Arguments in Passover is that it's like you're supposed to be relaxed at home. This is like what – this is – Mandatory wine, too. Mandatory – arguments in favor of Passover. There's so many rules. Mandatory wine. Mandatory reclining. Yeah.

Mandatory gefilte fish. Reclined to the left, too. Mandatory matzo ball soup. Mandatory matzo ball soup. Optional brisket, but usually included. I'm listening. Yeah. The food you eat

during the Seder is ridiculous and all symbolic for sure. But once you get to the real meal at least in my home and like especially

at my grandma's who lived in New York and then Florida where we for some reason would be for Passover a lot of the time just the dopest food. Like the best matzo ball soup.

Really good gefilte fish. Really good brisket. This year, I had one of my favorite Passovers ever. I was in Florida, where my grandma now lives. Yeah. And it was meaningful in dope ways and in really serious ways. Earlier in the day, she brought out this book of all of our ancestors and showed me pictures of all these-

Oh, that's great. Yeah, just from Europe and then like sad stories and happy stories obviously sad stories if it was Europe in the 30s this is dad's mom I assume this was my dad's mom yeah and uh no my mom's mom just volunteered for the holocaust

and this was your other grandfather yeah but so we did that and then and then we had like this sededer with all these old Jews, but very colorful. All of my grandma and grandpa's friends and everything. That's good. It's like a Jewish Thanksgiving. It was like Jewish Thanksgiving, yeah. And then the food was great on top of it.

And yeah, you get a little hammered, and especially with people you don't usually drink with. Your grandma gets a little lit. That's true. It's really fun. I used to every once in a while like go to a friend's Passovers where they'd invite people that weren't Jewish. And that's always really fun when like a non-Jew is at their first Passover Seder. Watching them dip wine like, are you sure? I'm right on the plate?

You ever bring a non-Jewish girl home for Seder? Oh, I never have. It's a fun little moment. That would be fun. All right, now everyone's going to start telling a story in Hebrew for an hour. You just sit here and look pretty. Just remember some fun TV shows you watched. Do you do your Seder all in Hebrew?

Mixed. Wow. Yeah, parents do it in Hebrew. Kids do it in English. Afi Komen, also a great moment. Afi Komen is great. They hide a piece of matzah. And if you find it, you get cash. Yeah, you bri it in Hebrew. Kids do it in English. Afikomen, also a great moment. Afikomen is great. They hide a piece of matzah. And if you find it, you get cash.

Yeah, you bribe the adults. That's right. 20 bucks? We're in the 10 to 20 neighborhood. 10 to 20? I was always five. Five? Straight five.

Oh, man. Inflation. You got to hold out. You got to hold out. My parents were saving up for Christmas in eight months. So I picked 420 and Passover. Those are maybe the same days, too. They are right around each other, actually.

I think some years they probably are, actually. What were your first two picks? Halloween and Thanksgiving. And then Passover. 420 and Passover. Solid team. Thank you. Spurs.

We're the Spurs over here. Jagen, it's time for your fourth pick. This is tough. Another polarizing selection? No. Nobody can hate on Mother's Day. Oh. Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Mother's Day. Only more saccharine if you went Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah, Valentine's Day. Fuck that one. I love my mom.

I love my mom, too. I love your mom, too. I think every day should be Mother's Day. Fuck that one. I love my mom. I love my mom, too. I love your mom, too. I think every day should be Mother's Day. Yeah. I like Mother's Day because it's a brunch holiday. It is a good brunch holiday. Yeah. Yeah, it's a daytime holiday.

If somebody gets those reservations, that's nice. Yep. Yeah. Or I guess you could do it at home. Yeah. You're drunk enough to take a nap by 3 p.m. Yeah. I think you get home by brunch.

You can get drunk. You have a little family time. But then your obligations are over. You get to – you're hanging out at like two. Leave me alone, Mom. I did the fucking card. You had your brunch. I got you a woman.

I wrote you an email, woman. I do love a Holland Day sauce based holiday and Mother's Day is definitely Holland Day and Father's Day is loaded with should I hug you, should I say I love you I don't know, I respect you I'm becoming a man, I don't know

but mom is just like I love you mommy it's very easy to express there's no withholding Father's Day is just a stern handshake it's a pat on the. Father's Day is just a stern handshake. It's a pat on the back. It's how you're doing. Give him all that aboard. Thanks for everything, sir.

Oh, yeah, don't worry about it. Sir. Mother's Day is hold me again, cradle me. Mother's Day is very sweet. You get some daisies or something like that. Yeah, and then as you get older, you start recognizing there's mothers everywhere. You know,

your girlfriend's mother, your grandmother, your aunt, you're like, Oh shit. It's. I will say the other mother's thing gets out of hand a little bit. At least in my neck.

At least in my neck. Like what did you guys really do? I'm not giving shit to my aunt. You didn't raise me. I hope your kids are being nice to you, but I don't know your shit today. Yeah. I was home recently

for like a couple years ago for a mother's day and like I got my mom a bunch of nice stuff but we were all going to brunch and she was like

well did you get your sister something sister my sister well she's a mother she's not my mother I know that doesn't count I had to get my

brother's wife stuff I had to get shit for every mother in attendance that would have that would have not counted that's bullshit you just say. You just say something.

By the way, if my sister's listening, Susan, you bitch. You bitch. No need to say that. Sue Carmel and only Sue Carmel from here on out until I put seed into a woman.

It's your mom or your kid's mom. That's it mom or your kid's mom. Yes. That's all it can be. That's it. I can't, yeah. That's crazy. Enough with this fucking getting shit for aunts.

I don't want to call my grandma. No. I'll call her the next week or whatever. And when they get each other shit, I'm like, what are you doing? What is this? Like, my mom always blasts, like, a shout out to all her mom friends. I guess that's like an undue pressure on moms to also celebrate other moms. That really needs to be just your day.

I'm just going to say it. I've seen some stank ass moms get a lot of credit on Mother's Day. Name names. Tupac did that. Tupac did that. I'm not going to name names. They might be listening. You know who you are. You bitch.

And what you didn't do. CPS has those kids you don't do. Yeah, and what you didn't do. Is it also... CPS has those kids you don't get to oppose to me. Is it also Baby Mother's Day? Or is that a different day? That's payday. Yeah, that's the first of 15.

Yeah, of every month. Comes around, trust me. Mother's Day, electrifying pick, to say the least. Amir, it's time for your fourth pick I'm going another birthday one Synonymize your birthday

My birthday is right around MLK Day A Monday off in the middle of January Good football games Solid break First holiday of the year Not including New Year's Eve A lot of traveling around that time Yeah And I don't know Call me old fashioned New Year's Eve. A lot of traveling around that time.

Yeah. And, I don't know, call me old-fashioned, but I really like the Reverend. What do you guys think? Unless you like your mom, right? Oh, come on. I like Martin Luther King Jr. I think he did some pretty good shit. But hey, your mom...

You like your mom, right? Your mom also did what for the civil rights movement? So I drafted Dead Soldiers Day The day the country came together And Jake did Trump and his mom Call me old fashioned You admire the work of the Reverend

Oh damn MLK Day is always right on time. It's right on time. You're always like, whew, that is clutch. You're like, fuck. And it's dreary. It's terrible out. And you're like, I can't believe it's a day in.

It's also a solid basketball day. NBA is going on. Yeah. And NFL conference finals. Great shoes for MLK Day. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Great reason to have a day off.

Everybody's, nobody's bummed. No. It's not like Columbus Day where people come out of the woodworks like shaking their fists. Right, where they're like, he was an awful man. Yeah, yeah. Which he might have been. I'm not mad at those people. He really was.

We're fine. Yeah. I'm just saying across the board, everybody can get down, I guess, unless you don't. Unless you live in Arizona. It's missing a meal. There's no real food related to it. There's not. What would it be if we could change that? I don't know. I don't know what he loved. I had ice cream. Nice. That's good a meal. There's no real food related to it. There's not. What would it be if we could change that?

I don't know. I don't know what he loved. I had ice cream. Nice. Ice cream. That's good. There's not really a good ice cream holiday except for 420. Right.

Probably some food you could eat off a lady. Free cone day. He was a philanderer. Yeah, he was a hound. Oh, he liked to hit the skin drastically. Yeah, man. Mm-mm. For the smell of it.

The FBI tried to make him kill himself. What are you talking about? They had proof that he had had extramarital affairs, and they sent him a letter saying that we will expose this information if you don't kill yourself. What? Our federal bureau. No.

Is that open information or is that a conspiracy? It's open information. That's, yeah. They did a lot of really shady shit. They said, kill yourself? It's open information. That's, yeah. They did a lot of really shady shit. He said, kill yourself? Especially involving, especially involving the king. Because at the end,

he got more, a lot more, it wasn't like, it wasn't pacifism as much as it was like economic freedom and stuff like that. Towards the end, the message kind of changed. Was it any famous ladies or was it mostly ladies we don't know about?

I mean, I'm sure there were some famous ladies. Yeah, ladies involved in the movement, maybe. You wouldn't take a run with the king? Oh, yeah. The doctor? You'd have to. You think he fucked Rosa Parks, right? He fucked Rosa Parks.

In the back of a car? Yeah. You don't know a lot about him for drafting his holiday. Sorry, it was just my birthday. I really like my birthday. Hush that fuss. Hush. Let us all hush the fuss Hush the fuss Yeah he was getting busy

With all sorts of women who were not Coretta Scott King Yeah But yeah that's that fucked up holiday Where Arizona wouldn't make it a holiday Yeah Chef D wrote a song about it By the time he gets there By the time I get to Arizona. It's so weird. Why would you... Have you been

to Arizona? It's not that weird. I know, but at the very least, just take the day off. Right. What a weird... That's really cutting off your nose to spite your face. Oh, yeah. No, we won't take the day off. No, I want to go back to work and get fucking Kmart.

Yeah, what are they fucking... Yeah, what job would you do in Phoenix? Is it really a job you wanted to go back to? And it's right around your birthday. That's right, yeah. So that's a little extra benefit. January 18th is my birthday. You have a little three-day weekend

right around here. Yeah, it's a good Vegas holiday, too. Oh, yeah, I bet. Yeah. Oh, it would be good because then you can go bet basketball, too. Yeah, my first bet was a Patriots-Colts game, AFC championship game in 2001.

Right around that time. That was right around that time. Last time I was in Vegas, I bet on the Blazers to beat the Nuggets, and they did, but I got too drunk and lost the ticket. Oh, no. You still won. Was there a spread, or what was the situation? There was a spread, yeah.

And they covered? They covered. Was it in Denver? That's a bummer. They beat Denver. Was there a spread or what was the situation? There was a spread, yeah. And they covered? They covered. Was it in Denver? That's a bummer. They beat Denver. Was it the Halloween game? I don't think so.

A different game? I don't remember. It was right whenever the Kanye concert in Vegas was. Which is your holiday. It was the day after Kanye-gas. Great pick, MLK. David, it's time for your fourth and then last pick wow so to piggyback off of mlk day i'm gonna go not as well known as it should be okay uh juneteenth oh juneteenth juneteenth june 19th celebrating the end of slavery. A lot of good food carts going on.

Denver, there's people in wooden hats for some reason. Wooden hats? Yeah, it's a good time. What's a wooden hat? Is it a brim? Is it a helmet? It's like a four-paneled baseball cap, but it's made out of kind of like weaved, fibrous woods. Oh, so I was imagining like a solid block with like a... No, no, no. It's like kind of like weaved, fibrous woods. Oh, so I was imagining like a solid block.

No, no, no. It's like kind of weaved. But yeah, Juneteenth is always a good time. Start of the summer, too. Start of the summer? Yeah, early big one. I've had water gun fights. That's fun.

Always good. Always good when you can bust out the Super Soviet. It's like MLK Day meets Fourth of July. Yeah, and it's just a good day meets fourth of july yeah it's a good and it's just a good timing you've been out of school for a couple weeks so you can get you're in that rhythm yeah when did you find out about juneteenth when you were living in elizabeth still yeah i think no probably before that yeah right probably like junior high school maybe fifth fifth sixth grade i didn't find out about it. This is how, like, slept on it is until, like, maybe five years ago.

Even a lot of black people don't celebrate. It's really just, like, if you want it. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's not like that. It's optional. Yeah, it's not that crazy. We should make it a bigger honor.

And in Arizona, they definitely don't opt out. They opt out. Well, actually, that's why. That's where they drew the line is they were like, we have this week-long Juneteenth celebration. Like, I got to get my work done sometime. Yeah, I've got to get back to work. This Boston Market corn isn't going to cream itself. June 19th, correct me if I'm wrong, is Garfield the Cat's birthday.

Let's take a look. I believe it's June 19th, 1979. I don't know if you're Garfield the Cat. Let's just say he's black with orange stripes. That's exactly right. It is? How do you know that? June 19th, 1979 black with orange stripes That's exactly right Yeah so It is How do you know that June 19th 1979 right Yeah 78 it says

Oh really Was that the day He was born Or the day That was the first comic strip That was Oh okay I was in the universe

Oh really I was in the The Garfield universe So I was like Is that when he was born Oh yeah Yeah like a baby Like a little kitten You know what I believe every June 19th They did celebrate his birthday In the comic as well the Garfield universe. I was like, is that when he was born? Oh, yeah. Yeah, like a baby,

like a little kitten. You know what? I believe every June 19th they did celebrate his birthday in the comic as well. Why do you know that? Because my friend's birthday was June 19th. Oh.

I was like, it's Garfield's birthday. Any famous people he shares it with? Garfield the cat. That's right. He hates Mondays. That story checks out.

Next holiday, but tread lightly. So there's two holidays there. One ended slavery and the other one was Garfield. Garfield's birthday. All right. Both equally important to me. I don't know.

Call me old-fashioned. Got a new fashion. New 79. You new fascist. New fascist. What's the newest holiday? Oh, it's one of those bullshit ones, like Pancake Day or whatever. Yeah, I'm talking about a real holiday.

MLK Day is probably the newest major holiday yeah right sibling day a new mlk day that new new 60s gotta be 60s 70s when was the valentine's day we haven't done anything since then i don't think it's 9 11 like a an official no not really that's my parents anniversary anniversary. 9-11 is? Is it really? That is crazy. My dad always used to forget. No, he never does. Never forget. Indeed. Damn. Anyway, that's your fifth pick?

That's my fourth pick. Juneteenth, we should revive some Juneteenth celebrations this year. I'm down to go out. We should at least do a thing. Yeah, I'm down to go out. We can go back to Outback. Just do that. We can always go back to Outback.

I love it there, man. Nothing says the end of slavery like some bloomin' onions. Like a bloomin' onion. No rules, just right. That's the Aussie philosophy. It's also Bloom Team. Bravo.

David, it's time for your fifth and final pick. All right, fifth final pick. I understand. I gotta back up if you guys don't wanna to take it or whatever. I'm just saying that this is nationally recognized. Okay.

People do take off work for it. Okay. And it's weekly. Okay. I'm going Thirsty Thursday. Thirsty Thursday as a holiday? People take it off weekly? A recurring-

I've taken it off before, multiple times. Thirsty Thursday? Okay. Just because Thirsty Thursday. You're like, I've taken it off before, multiple times. Thirsty Thursday? Just because Thirsty Thursday. You're like, I'm going to drink all day. Yeah, like, well, when I was living in Oklahoma, I was working at the Jiffy Trip gas station. I would not go to work on Thursday, go to Cowboys, the alcoholic's bar,

get a few pitchers of 3-2 and me, then go to the nightlight. I'm adding Sunday fun day to mine. I'm just saying. Shabbat. Shabbat. It's recognized across the country. There's Thirsty Thursdays at any college town.

So Taco Tuesday counts? Taco Tuesday also on the table? I started with that. I was going to do two for Tuesday. But then I was like, I don't know, because Popeyes doesn't do it anymore. That's good. Listen, are you guys okay with a Thirsty Thursday pick? I'll allow it.

You'll allow it? Yeah, I mean, we accepted a cheeseburger for Amir's sandwich episode. I mean, we accepted Passover. Yeah, right? And that doesn't even every week. Thirsty Thursday in play. Fine. It's in.

And it's so great getting drunk. You ever just got too drunk on a Thursday? I do love it. Because there's like that feeling of like, I shouldn't be doing this, but then you do it. I've been drunk on more Thursday. I do love it. Because there's that feeling of, I shouldn't be doing this, but then you do it. I've been drunk on more Thursdays than I have on Fridays. I see. Thursday is a great drinking day.

Nobody cares about Friday. Friday's for amateurs. Give me a Thursday. I love going to work hungover on a Friday and eating a bagel. Putting headphones on and not doing any work. Work is an oddly satisfying place to work hungover on a Friday and eating a bagel. Oh, yeah. Putting headphones on and not doing any work. You know what? Work is an oddly satisfying place to be hungover. It kind of is because you're getting paid.

You're getting paid to be hungover. You have to be hungover anyway. Especially on a Friday because you're just like, let me just get through it. Totally. I'm just going to knock. And that's what you're thinking when you're getting drunk on Thursday. I'm just going to knock out Friday. I can show up a little late.

Yeah, it's going to be fine. I got some wiggle room. Yeah. I closed the Freeman account. Congrats, by the way show up a little late. Yeah, it's going to be fine. I got some wiggle room. Yeah. I closed the Freeman account. Congrats, by the way, on that. Yeah. Yeah, thank you, dude. Good work, good work.

God damn, how'd you get the Freeman account? Hard fight, hard fight, hard fight. Hard fight. A lot of Thirsty Thursdays involved with security. A lot of Thirsty Thursdays closing that down. Yeah, Thirsty Thursday is my final pick. Excellent pick. We might have to get a tour of this Thursday

just to commemorate it I'm fine I'm fine with it it won't be like Saturday yeah what happened on Saturday I had man

whoa that sounds mom turn this part off yeah sadder Saturday oh it was it was a sadder today sadder today

it was I did I did I met up with you at Brew Ha Ha. Yeah, we met at Brew Ha Ha. I did the show Good Heroin first, which is so much fun. Then there was the show Brew Ha Ha, which is a comedy slash drinking games. There's booze everywhere. Everywhere.

Saturday? It was their fourth anniversary. There's probably like 200 people there, right? Probably 200 people there. Because the backyard is full. Where is it? The front yard is full. So it's not a show. It's at a house yeah it's at a house but it's like they

have the backyard's completely full and then the front yard's completely full and they project a screen wow what's going on in the back my favorite show and i got hammered for it took two molly capsules two ate a bunch of weed. On Saturday? Those mollies were like, I had to chill out in the porta potty for a minute and just like come back to like. So which one hit you the most? I was like. What kind of, was it like a speedy?

It was just like everything. I was feeling so intense and my arms were all shiny sweaty, and I was just like. And you ate weed too. Yeah. You didn't need to eat weed. I don't remember anything until I got home. Really? Yeah.

Which was on Tuesday. Which was on Tuesday. Which was on two for Tuesday. Yeah, which was on two for Tuesday. Yeah, it was just like, you were just talking kind of disjointed. Yeah. But it was like all like, you would just say something, then you would be quiet and you could tell you were thinking. Like we were in the car and you were like, Zach, I think this is the year that you should really embrace your Italian heritage.

Italian heritage. I said that? Yeah. I believe that. To Scott. To Scott. Oh, no. And then you'd be quiet for a while

And then you'd just say something else like that Just like on another level When did you go to bed that night? Late It must have been late Because I left your house at like 1 Yeah, we were playing music videos And listening to music

I fell asleep on Karen's lap, I think That's where I left you How did you feel on Sunday? Pretty good Oh, really? Yeah You were like, I'm not gonna I drank a grip of water And a Gatorade That's where I left you. How did you feel on Sunday? Pretty good. Oh, really? Yeah. I drank a grip of water. That's what you gotta do. It's just that Molly, it was just,

I don't know, that shit was in a lab, man. I don't know what happened there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have to pump the brakes on that activity for about one to two months. Yeah. One month? Not that long of a break. Just let it refill. Let the endorphins refill. Yeah, I'm going to let my serotonin get back to natural level.

I want to see if I can become happy. I was wondering how you felt on Sunday, because I felt like I was very numb to the whole on Sunday. I was just walking around like, ugh. I haven't felt that intense about anything in a while. Yeah. Like, yeah, it was. That's what the Molly will do. That's what the Molly's for.

That was like. Really? Yeah, it just makes you feel empty afterwards. will do. Yeah. That's what the Molly's for. That was like... Really? Yeah, it just makes you feel empty afterwards. It does. But it's... I might be over it. You know what? I don't know. I still think it's worth it.

Yeah. I was kind of thinking that because I took it... I was like, this is real good Molly. It should be a good time. And I was like, I'm just like sitting by myself. That was our bad. Yeah. It wasn't the right environment for it.

It was... And it was just... That shit was just crazy strong. Yeah. Good stand-up show, though. Great. Had a good environment for it. And it was just, that shit was just crazy strong. Yeah. Good stand-up show, though. Great set. Had a good set before it all kicked in. Thank you very much, yeah.

Amir, it's time for your fifth pick. I'm choosing between three right now. All right. I'm so curious. I really, you know what, I'll say, there's one that we've been talking about, traipsing around, so I won't choose that one. I feel like it'll be less exciting.

So I'm going to go with one we haven't mentioned yet. The Comedian's Holiday. April Fool's Day. That's right. April Fool's Day. That's a good one. A lot of fun memories of pranking friends growing up. We had a good college

humor prank the year that we created a Twitter account for our boss who was flying from New york to la that was a that was an incredible prank if this gets to 10 000 followers i'll take i'll tweet i'll tweet a picture of my own dick he didn't know about it and we started retweeting him and it blew up and it got to like 10 000 uh followers like the entire time he's like saying all these things like oh this like this is crazy haha and then like it got to 10 000 uh no i think crazy. Ha ha. And then it got to 10,000. No, I think it was whatever. It got to 10,000 or something.

And then we tweeted, you guys are nuts. Obviously, I'm not going to tweet a picture of my dick. Thanks for the follows. We posted it. 10 minutes later, we just Googled flaccid penis, grabbed the picture, tweeted, fuck it. He changed his mind. And then he landed in New York. This was before there was Wi-Fi on airplanes.

So he landed, and he emailed us, and he's like, so why did I get 50 emails from family and friends saying, did you really just tweet a picture of your flaccid dick? The other thing that we did is we found that like phone relay service where we signed up his real number to get like this sort of weird in-between number.

So we tweeted this, a phone number that would forward a call to his cell phone. Right. So when he landed, he was just getting calls from strangers

and he thought that we tweeted out his phone number. Oh, that's so funny. Oh, that's great. So he was very pissed. So that's a good April Fool's Day number. That's amazing. I've never had one,

but at first I was like, fuck that day, but no, it won me over just with that story. Some people, not a ton of people ride for it, but I have some friends who do ride really hard.

That's what I'm afraid of. That's why I don't like the holiday because I feel like- Some people really, my buddy, shout out to Misha Troops, Mikhail Troopnikov. He loves it.

He's just like, it's his favorite day that he can't. He's not even good at it. It's like pretty bad. One year he smeared a bunch of chocolate on the walls in our bathroom. And then we were like, this just looks like shit. And he thought it was great. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's a real simple fool.

I like the Google ones when huge companies get into it. It is kind of fun, actually. Google said you would print out your emails and send it to you, Google Paper. And then I forget what other websites do it. It's fun when the brands get involved. I like all of them except for Facebook. I hate people who just try to do it on Facebook. Oh, when your friends do it?

Oh, baby. Oh, my God. I got engaged. Yeah. Yeah, shut the fuck up. April Fool's. Nobody would ever love you like that. Yeah.

You know? You fool. That's what I want to know. You're a fool 365 days a year. April Fool's Day. Jake, it's time for your fifth and final pick. All right. This one's going to sound like I just Googled holidays before the podcast, but I truly have

this one in my head. Okay. It's one of my favorite holidays for a long time. Leif Erikson Day. What? October 9th. The Norwegian? That's my birthday.

Really? Yeah. Wow. He has his own day? He's got his own day. And you didn't even know about it. I didn't even know that. I found out a couple years ago that he had his own day.

And I've always liked... The Vikings? Yeah. They really found America. Minnesota Vikings, that is. Yeah, you love... I love Norse culture. Dante Karpenter.

Fran guy. All right, Ian, what's your fifth pick? Oh, yeah. Do you have anything else to say about Lee Barrick's day? No, it's just... The Vikings did the hardest thing in the world. What's the day? What did he do?

He fucking sailed to America. He found North America before Christopher Columbus. They did. They did do that. That's true. But before Native Americans? Well, Native Americans walked over the frozen ocean. Yeah.

But Leif Erikson sailed to America. He's the first white guy. The first guy with a fucking beard that did it. Didn't he also find people there and do what the Vikings did to them usually?

I don't remember that part. He was the Donald Trump of the 11th century. There's a lot of raping and pillaging. Don't put it all on Leaf. A lot of people were doing that. Columbus did it. It's all negative, but once you start going through

history and sort of picking out everybody that rapes somebody that we all look up to, they're going to drop like flies. That's true. Kind of the Bill Cosby of Viking explorers. Alright, Leif Erikson day. Was that your pick? Be honest. I'm also taking it.

I almost had to take it number two because I was afraid. That's like when you took Grape Nuts. I'm going to... Fuck, I know. I really should. I could have waited until the 10th round if we did 10. It would still be available. Right? I just wanted to show Grape Nuts that love. Hopefully they heard it and sent me a hell of a free cereal. Yeah.

With my final pick, I'm a little bit surprised that it's on the board, but I'm also not surprised it's on the board because a lot of people hate this holiday. Ooh. But I'm a mush. Valentine's? Valentine's Day. Oh. I love it.

I am a very romantic person. Well, you love giving gifts. And I love giving gifts. Okay. And I love dates. And I love sex. And I love sex. And I love sex. And I push a Rolex. I do. I agree. I'm a romantic

too, and I like Valentine's Day. Here's my problem with Valentine's Day. Is that there's like, unlike Christmas and other gift-giving holidays, Valentine's Day is like a really limited amount of resources. Like, there's not a lot of reservations and hotel rooms. You have to plan

ahead. You can cook, too. Yeah, I mean, if you're really thoughtful, I think you can get away with it. Make a gnocchi? Yeah, you can do that. From scratch? Just whip a bowl of gnocchi from scratch? Or are you talking about Trader Joe's frozen gnocchi? I'm talking about that Trader Joe's kind. You can make it in a wok. It's real nice and crispy.

Yeah, get that brown on the outside. I like that. I just love it. It is a little hard to get good reservations if you wait, or even if you don't sometimes. But I just love it. There's nothing I love more. Maybe this is archaic of me,

than just treating a beautiful woman to a fantastic date. Yeah, sorry. I just love it. I love giving a small amount of flowers. I love little compliments. To your sister and your mom, too? Sometimes I'll send mom some flowers on Valentine's Day.

If you're still listening, Susan, you still don't get shit. Yeah, you don't get shit. What did she do to you? I like sending a hyacinth. I like sending a tulip. They're cute. It feels so forced I like sending a hyacinth. I like sending a tulip. They're cute. It depends. It feels so forced on that day.

It feels like you're only doing it because you don't want to get in trouble on that day. I do it on the regular anyway. That's good. So on a Valentine's Day, it's just a good time to level it up a little bit. I don't know if you've ever been a guy who's caught the drippings on Valentine's Day. What's the drippings? Just the ones who don't have... Yeah. That's a good...

Then it's like a real party. Yeah. It's like, so... You want to come over? I think Valentine's Day is more fun if you're single because it's like you go out and everybody's just kind of lonely and horny. Yeah, but it's not like a happy, lonely, horny.

It's not like a... I think it can be. I don't know. It bums me out. It's like single awareness day almost. I've actually hooked up on Valentine's Day. It's not like a happy lonely horny it's not like a I think it can be I don't know it bums me out it's like single awareness day I've actually hooked up on Valentine's Day it's not

not what it yeah to be I've gone out on Valentine's Day as a single person it's kind of like a fun like it kind of has that same vibe of like Jews on Christmas

you go to like a fuck love party that's I can get into that a what party? a fuck love party fuck love a fuck love party is that a party? I thought you said a fun glove party I thought so into that a what party? a fuck love party fuck love a fuck love party

is that a party? I thought you said a fun glove party I thought so too that's actually if we had another round I would do fucking glove day

I just assumed it was some crazy cool thing I wasn't up for fun glove day dude you know what's a notable omission of ours

no one which is what I was choosing between is Labor Day no one said Labor Day I know nobody said Labor Day nobody said Mardi Gras

either I've never been I wanted to say Mardi Gras after you I know. Nobody said Labor Day. Nobody said Mardi Gras either. I've never been there. I wanted to say Mardi Gras after you said Carnival, but I never have actually been to Mardi Gras. I'm just over distance. Labor Day is like

going back to school. Yeah, Labor Day makes me sad. Yeah, Labor Day does. It is like the last fun thing before, or like you just started school and you're like, you're in football practice and you're like,

this is fun. I know. I always had to still practice on Labor Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sucks. Aren't you in two-a-days at that point? Or is that right after? I think it's right after.

But it's the beginning of the season where practice still sucks. We also left St. Patrick's Day on the board. I was going to say that for my least favorite. Least favorite? Yeah, least favorite holiday. I don't like it either. It's just, it's Annoying Dude Day.

It is Annoying Dude Day. It's like Santa Con except Irish people. Yeah. Oh, my God. I hate Santa. Dropkick Murphy's getting blasted at every bar. Can we say least favorite holidays real quick? If I say St. Patrick's, do you guys have other ones?

I would actually, not to dick ride, but I would also go St. Patrick's is probably my least favorite. Just because even the girls are assholes. Everybody's an asshole. Although Cinco de Mayo is like Mexican St. Patrick's Day, and that's one of your favorites. Yeah, but Mexican... It's also not the day I was born. People are a little more chilled out.

They're a little less, like, dickish. And there's cuisine involved with it. What are you eating off of St. Patrick's Day? I don't think Mexican people are, like, all year saying they're the best, too. Irish people are kind of too proud all the time. Yeah, they never shut up about it. What is my least favorite holiday? I don't know. I don't really have a... Mine might also be St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, it might be up about it. What is my least favorite holiday? I don't know.

I don't really have a... Mine might also be St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, it might be St. Patrick's Day. A lot of people don't like it, I feel. It's very... It's polarizing. I'm trying to think of another one that I just can't stand. I feel like I hate...

You guys like Christmas very much. I hate Columbus Day because I hate... I know what he did. I hate people being so... Oh, it's such... The snark... Any holiday that brings out people being snarky is super annoying. It's such a...

Your woke friend sharing an article by Howard Zinn on Facebook. Yeah. And for me, I'm like, I'm 30. Yeah. Shut the... I know. Oh, you guys should be enjoying... If you really...

Yeah, I know what happened. Yeah, I get it. I didn't want to go to work today, Peter. Like, what... Even though you got to go to work. I think Labor Day might be my least favorite. I didn't want to go to work today, Peter. Even though you gotta go to work. I think Labor Day might be my least favorite. Because it's back to school. It's such hard back.

I carry that trauma from childhood. I still get bummed out when I see back to school shopping commercials. Which is crazy. I still have a nightmare every September or August that I'm in school and I don't know my schedule. Or I don't have my books. I have those every now and then. Yeah.

What a fucked up dream. Where you're like, where am I supposed to go next? I have weird dreams like that where, for some reason, I have one quarter of eligibility left for high school football. Oh, no. And I can't get to the game. Oh, my God. But I'm like, it would be so fun. Yeah.

I think I have had a back of the game dream before. Yeah. Which is a bummer. We left... Dreaming about playing high school football again. That's my dream. We're living inarguably way better lives right now. It's so much better.

I've had sex now. Right, exactly. President's Day we left on the board. Yeah. Which is, that's another right-on-time sort of day off. Yeah, I like that one. Easter? Wow. I got that one Easter wow

I got nothing for Easter I hate it you said it best earlier yeah Easter is now just like an inconvenient time to go home and it's like

secular people don't really do it like if you're not religious you don't really as a kid it was fun cause there'd be jelly beans around but like as an adult

oh one I almost took Madden release day does that count yeah fuck it Madden release day. Does that count? Yeah. Fuck it. Madden holiday. I took Thirsty Thursday. So to go over the picks again, David Boer, you picked first.

You took Super Bowl Sunday, Cinco de Mayo, Carnival, Juneteenth, and then Thirsty Thursday. Just drinking holidays. Just drinking holidays. I'm getting lit. You took the 4th of July, Memorial Day, Hanukkah, and then Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and then April Fool's Day. Jake, you took Christmas, New Year's Eve, Election Night, Mother's Day, and then Leif Erikson Day. I got two really heavy.

I feel like I have LeBron and Kyrie. Very top heavy. I want Halloween Thanksgiving 420 Passover and Valentine's Day okay yeah Valentine's Day

is gonna win you a lot of votes I think so I think you might be the most well rounded I got a little bit of everything in there I do feel like

Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that's really great if you nail it it is like New Year's yeah yeah exactly

it's like New Year's yeah it's true but you can it is a holiday you can get in real big trouble for fucking that. Yeah, I don't want to get in trouble for not doing something right during a holiday. You don't like gift giving, so that's why you don't like Valentine's Day.

Not to critique my own pick, but Valentine's Day is a little bit the Golden State Warriors. Yeah. Where it's like, even if it's great, you've only met expectations. The best Valentine's Day is like, all right, good enough. Good enough. Yeah, that's what we thought would happen. Ever dated someone whose birthday was near or on Valentine's Day is like, all right, good enough. Good enough. Yeah, that's what we thought would happen. Ever dated someone whose birthday was near or on Valentine's Day? No.

How about that for pressure? That doesn't sound good at all. That sucks. You got to double down? Double down. Not to mention you didn't want to get gifts in the first place for Valentine's Day. Yeah, so you can only imagine. Then it's a real tug of war of like, do I make my point or get into a fight?

Are you just against gifts in general? Like if it's your girlfriend's birthday or whatever. You're not going to give her gifts? No, I will get people gifts. Yeah, it's just a knitting deal. But I just feel stress and I don't like receiving gifts. I don't like giving gifts. Well, let me say this.

This podcast has been a gift, you guys. Wow. That's really nice. This podcast has been a gift. So that's it. Make sure you go to at Ian Carmel. Vote in the poll for who you think won the holidays draft. Thank you again to Jake, Amir, and David. And tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. that was a hate gun podcast