All Fantasy Everything - Horror Movie Tropes (w/ Nate Fernald, Zach Broussard)

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Spooky season is upon us.Guests:Nate Fernald (IG @diarrheapubes, X @natefernald)Zach Broussard (IG @zachbroussard, X @zachbroussard)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel (X @IanKarmel, IG @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan (X @SeanSJordan, IG @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee (X @IsaacKLee, IG @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we are drafting Horror Movie Trolls. Good job, Isaac, on making my voice sound weird there our guest today our comedians and writers Nate Fernald and Zach Broussard aka the boo boys Boo, I'm your host Ian Carmel and with me as always is my good friend Sean Jordan David Borey in an undisclosed location a bunker deep in Bolivia deep

Deep in Bolivia welcome to the episode. This is it, we're doing it. We're in. We're in. We're just off to the races now. I am just excited to be here. Pleased to punch? Would you say you're pleased to punch? I'm pleased to punch.

I'm ready to drink the Kool-Aid, however. Yeah. On full. Jonestown, first time that, you know, there's a phrase, it's Jonestown. I know that. Knew that before we started recording this. We know that to be true

folks We're Nate and I are horror We're sort of late bloomer horror buffs Yep And so we are you know We kind of were chatting about this before the pod that we've kind of fell ass backwards into being horror guys Don't tell them don't tell them we were talking about it before the podcast you want We have not spoke. We have not spoke at all.

We don't know each other. I'd like to give the impression that none of us have ever met and that includes Sean and I. And it includes Nate and I who work together every day for like seven years. Okay. I'm sorry, Ian, is it Ian? It's Ian.

Ian. My question, what's a podcast? Okay, now we're talking. Well, I was gonna tell Ian that I'm not really a Blazer fan. I don't know you that well, but you have a Blazer hat on, so I don't really like them. I'm more of a Laker guy? I'll kill you with one of those scythes, dude. Greenwood style.

Oh, I thought that was a sickle. Sean, I hate to tell you this, but there's a Blazer fan right behind you right now. No, there isn't. Wait. It actually doesn't work because you can see yourself on video. Folks, welcome to the horror episode. The Halloween episode.

Wait, is it a scythe? Wait, wait, sickle? I always thought it was a sickle, the big hook thing that the Grim Reaper gives. I'll tell you this, a sickle is more of an in hand one. I think it's the handheld. I think it's a handheld. Scythe is the big boy. Oh, no way. Is the bigim Reaper cares. I'll tell you this, a sickle is more of an in hand one. I think it's the handheld. I think it's a handheld. Scythe is the big boy.

Oh no way. Is the big dude, yeah. So sickle is like the Soviet Union, little guy. So like the Unsullied had a bunch of sickles kind of, those hooked swords, like the big hook, not the pirate little hook, but the big hook. Like a C. It's a honker, but it's not a molly whopper.

But the Grim Reaper and Eastern European farmers have a side. Okay. To the extent that you recognize the difference between the two. And then the Russian flag and the Unsullied have the big Cs. And I still don't know what a Shillelagh is, and I hope to really nail that down by the end of this.

Sean, I feel like you might know what a Shillelagh is. You know, I'm not one of those Irish. I don't. You're not one of them? I don't really know anything other than I like to drink. Do you think, Sean, you will ever have a, I'm returning to my Irish heritage phase, where you get super into figuring out

what clan you're from and all that? I don't know that I'm desperate to know. My dad, so my dad had this map of Ireland where he said the Jordans came from. I find it hard to believe because my grandmother was a Boyle and married into the Jordans, Buck Jordan. I don't think that's an Irish name. But he, my dad said it was and he had some proof.

But I was- Jordan is Irish. Is it that Irish though? Like there's a Jordan Ireland. Pretty Irish. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna be, I wanna be Irish

and I don't wanna find out I'm not. So I'm just gonna leave it. That would be spooky if you found out you weren't. Yeah, you ever think about just throwing an O in front of that Jordan? Oh, Jordan. Oh, Jordan. Oh, Jordan.

Oh, Jordan. I think no one would question you if you just threw an O. What about O Sean? Or you could change it to Seanacy, Jordan. I think Sean is an Irish enough first name, it doesn't matter what comes next. Yes, no one hears your last name after you hear the first name Sean.

Sean Patrick, too. Your last name could be Goldstein and people would think you were Irish. Jewish. Because, you know, gold and the pot of gold. Pot of Goldstein. And you're holding a chilele at the time, I'd imagine. Whatever that is. We don't know.

I think it's a club. I think it's a club. Yeah, I think it's a club. Yeah, like a war, it's like a war club, like a big hunk of wood. It's just a big stick. It's a funny name for a stick. Yeah. A thing you would use for a bonk. It does seem like a bonker.

Yeah. I've never been to Ireland, but I'm Catholic enough to know that you guys are just full of snakes. And that you do need a stick for bonking at all times. Wait, no, I thought it was stick for bonking at all times. Wait, no, I thought it was that there's no snakes in Ireland. Oh, there are no snakes anymore, but pre-St. Patrick, there was a shit ton of snakes, is that the deal? Yeah, he drove them all out.

All the snakes are in, they're in Wales now. Yeah. The animals, not the whales. They're all in the British Parliament. Drove them to the ocean. One whale swallowed them, and delivered them to Parliament. Now all of our jokes exist in the British Parliament. Drove into the ocean. Oh! One whale swallowed them and delivered them to Parliament. Now all of our jokes exist in a shared universe. Thank you for that.

That's great. Really tying it together. That's true. The snake joke cinematic universe. Which also takes place in the larger Geico insurance cinematic universe. I do think there's an argument there that there's only one universe and we do,

I think all of the Adam Sandler movies are in there. Yes. Grudems 1 and 2, they're all, they're in the Marvel Universe. We have to make sense of it all. That basketball one he did. Hustle? What was it called? Hustle? Yeah, it was kinda good. I remember being kinda good, but I couldn't tell you anything about it.

Oh, that was really fun. He's the, he's the scout, right? He's the scout. Yeah. I liked it. I like when guys are like, whatever role I can play in sweatpants. And they're like, yeah, you'd be a basketball scout. You'd be a basketball coach or a guy on the train with a huge dick?

Those are the two roles. Adam's only seeing scripts where he plays either a guy with a huge dick or a basketball coach. If you can merge the two, he'd really love that. Boo! What do you think about that? Just out of nowhere, me seeing boo like that, it's pretty scary. That was scary as hell. I thought you said bro, and I was like,

what's coming next? I thought you came up big like bro. Like you just. Both scary. I would be more scared of someone yelling bro at me. Bro. And boo. No, no, I yell out boo.

And that's because this is our Halloween episode of All Fantasy Everything. Yes. Or is it? It must be. I demand it be. Okay, it is, then it is, yeah. I'll just try to sow a little more uncertainty.

For the brand. We don't know. And honestly, any good Halloween or horror conversation, it should I'll just try to sell a little more uncertain. For the brand. We don't know. And honestly, any good Halloween or horror conversation, it should start with a little bit of mystery. We don't know yet. I think so too. And what's crazy is that we recorded this same podcast

50 years ago on this very day. We've always been recording this podcast. This podcast died seven years ago. That's right. Which is why. We're still seven years ago. That's right. Which is why. We're still doing it though. We're still doing it though, right?

We don't release these. This is just Ian and I record these and listen to them, but no one else does. Oh yeah, we're not gonna ever release this. That's okay, we haven't released one in years. The guy saying we're not gonna release that, funny little joke, funny little joke. Funny little, the funny little jokester himself,

Sean S. Jordan on Twitter, Sean Cougarmel Jordan on Instagram. How you doing? I'm good, man. Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? Yeah, Max wants us to be ghosts, so we're gonna figure that out. Although, I haven't put any thought into it yet,

so yeah, that'll probably be this weekend, I guess, figure it out. Are you going to cheat? Yeah, something, man. Sheet path? I don't know any thought into it yet. So yeah, that'll probably be this weekend, I guess. Figure it out. Yeah, something, man. Sheet path? I don't know. Sheets? We'll figure it. We'll see what we got around the crib.

You can go sheets? I don't know, quit pushing sheets on me. I don't know if I wanna do that. You can go some sheets? Yeah, I don't know if I wanna do the sheet wrap. Brooklyn, some Brooklyn in sheets? No, shout out, by the way. Thank you for the sheets.

Those things are like a dream. Our buddy Ben. Shout out to Ben Lubitz. Thank for the sheets. Those things are like a dream. Our buddy Ben. Shout out to Ben Lubitz, thank you so much for hooking that up. Real quick. Some sheets. This is important. I'll be in, well everything is important.

Hey I just want to shout out this Ben guy too. I'll take some sheets. Yeah, Nate currently sleeps on a big stack of cardboard boxes. So Ben is listening. Do you need some sheets? I'll take sheets. I just saw like a big stack of cardboard boxes. And so Vin is listening. They're good. Can you get some sheets? I'll take sheets.

I'm trying to say sheets as much as I can. So we need to use some sheets. You ever been to Sheetz, the gas station in Pennsylvania? Now that's what's up. You do sandwiches, right? Really good, really trashy, just trashy sandwiches. I'll be a beige ghost for Halloween. I will be at Raleigh.

Oh wow, that's a lot of stains on those sheets. Good Nights Comedy Club, Raleigh, North Carolina, November 22nd, 23rd, please come out. I think they're giving me a shot. He needs this. I would love to sell some tickets. I don't wanna look like an absolute tool. I love in this era where everyone's like posting like,

sold out another one, oh, sold out, like posting all these posters with like sold out shows. I never do that, where everyone's like posting like sold out another one up sold out like posting all these posters with like Sold out shows. I never do that. I don't like that. I can't do it either I've tried and I feel like such a schmuck, but I don't know what you're going the other direction Yeah, well, I mean if you're thinking about it if you're like, I can't do it legally False advertising I'd be lying everybody. Yeah. Anyway, I'll be there, so come to that. That's all I got coming up. When are you gonna be there? November 22nd, 23rd.

We got a while. I think it'd be really funny if your fans who listen to podcasts are all over the world are like, oh, we'll help Mel, we'll buy some tickets, but then the show's just empty, it's sold out, but. Nobody, nobody's, there's just people in England. I'll live stream the show. I'll just, I'll make it accessible.

You buy tickets and you can't be there, I'll get you the show somehow. Honestly just, I'll make it accessible. You buy tickets and you can't be there, I'll get you the show somehow. Honestly, best case scenario is the show sells out and you don't have to do a show. That would be if they're like, hey man, you sold out the whole weekend, but no one's coming, so, you know, we made our money. There's been a terrorist attack.

Something like that. That's like best case scenario. Yeah. A massive, you're gonna be in Raleigh, North Carolina? I am, November 22nd, 23rd. Is that where University of North Carolina is? Is that Raleigh-Durham situation? I think it is, might be a Raleigh-Durham situation.

I think it's where Tucker Max is from, one of the few books I've read, I hope they serve beer in hell. That's spooky. Hell? Oh, you're about to read another book. I sure am. Took me a while to get through Ian's Yonars,

so I hope this one's better. I'll have you killed, dude. No, I love you. I'm not even doing this anymore. Not with a scythe. I'm gonna have you killed with a, what was it, sickle. I'm gonna arrange to get you sickle-celled. Oh shit, you're gonna use the small one. It's gonna be a lot longer death.

Nate Fernald is here. Nate and I, Nate, this is your second All Fantasy Everything. Your first one was eight. This is my second one. And the first time I was on, this is your second All Fantasy Everything, your first one was eight. This is my second one, and the first time I was on, I misunderstood the rules, and it was a real humiliating experience for me. So I'm excited to come back,

fully understanding the rules this time. We're hoping to run that humiliation back as hard as we can. Yeah, it was, we were drafting shows that didn't win an Emmy. Yeah. And it was supposed to be like shows that were like good and critically acclaimed but didn't win Emmys,

but I interpreted it as like shows that were bad and therefore did not win Emmys. So like you guys were all like, The Wire, Veronica Mars, and I was like, City Guys. Undressed on MTV. And I really blew it. Nate and I worked together at The Late Late Show for quite a long time. Quite a long time.

Quite a long time. Nate is a wonderful stand-up comedian. He's written for, are we allowed to say a*****? Or do I have to... I don't think so. I think that has to be edited out. Okay, so we'll edit that out. Can I give clues? You could say, Nate Fernald has gotten special thanks on his IMDB from

Substandard Isaac will leave that Nate Fernald has gotten special. Thanks from On his Netflix specials from certain comedians Mm-hmm who may seek out roles where they can wear sweatpants Yeah, you walk up to a girl in a bar and tell her that You're going home with her Or at least if you walk up to a girl in a bar and tell her that you're going home with her Or at least if you walk up to a dude in a Bruins Jersey They thank you for being here you and our other guest Zach Broussard Who you're this is your have you been on

We've never met on any podcast. This is my first ever podcast. I'm so excited to be here. This is serial, just in case you're wondering. I assume that it will be revealed that I am accused of some sort of gruesome murder at the end of this. We're gonna play very thoughtful glockenspiel music and then insinuate that you were involved in a murder. I kinda wanna be the guy from S-Town who's just like real eccentric hobbies, you know like I'm into a lot of like metallurgy that you haven't heard of in like 600 years Well, let's get into it. I might be into some other dark f-ed up shit

We'll hear. I'm excited to be here. Right before the episodes over we're gonna hint towards that so people listen to the next one You are also when together, the Boo Boys. That's correct, collectively known as the Boo Boys. We're like spooky power rangers or something, or like Captain Planet, when our spooky powers combine, we become the Boo Boys. I've had the, I would call it misfortune of seeing you in person.

Not because it was bad, it was excellent, but it scared me so bad that I haven't been able to get an erection or take a dump since then. Yeah, the Boo Boys are known to do that to everyone who meets us. The Boo Boys are sometimes prescribed by doctors to make sure that certain men no longer get hard. It's an urban legend that kids today tell that if you see a boo boy, you'll no longer

be able to get hard or take a dump ever again. So if you're about to go in, if you're like say a 13 year old boy and you're about to get a physical and you're worried about getting hard, I recommend watching some boo boys skits, reading some of our material, so that way you don't have any embarrassing moment when you get told to tilt your head and cough. And now that's more possible than ever. Before people would have to fly to either Los Angeles

or Salem, Massachusetts or hell to see you guys perform. But now you have a book. We do, it's called- I'm holding up on camera even though this is a audio media. I'm holding mine up to the microphone. I'm holding mine up to my microphone. Wait, can we get a- Oh, I love that.

That was fun, yeah. Oh, it's a nice, nice flap. Tell the people. Tell the people. The book is called Scary Stories to Make You Scared of Stories. And yeah. And it is a horror anthology. And it's, I would say it's pretty, it's definitely scary, but it's also quite goofy.

The cover of it, for those who are listening to audio, it's a picture of Dracula holding a gun. Yeah, and I think it's a, I would say it is a, you know, it's our take on scary stories to tell in the dark. We've, I don't know if you're, if you're a, if you're a person of a certain age, you grew up with those books and you love them. Now I will say it is written definitely from the POV of two 40 year old like horny weird men. Yep. So it is a very funny and stupid. There's a lot of stuff about piss. I don't know if you're into that. I would

say this this book may mention piss more than any other books. It's a piss heavy book so far. I mean I'm really I'm particularly proud of the we currently have you know all five five star reviews right now, and several of them mention that it is the dumbest thing they've ever read. And I think that is something that makes you really proud as a comedy writer that people like. They're like, this is so stupid, five stars.

That feels so great. Yeah, that's what we're going for. It's so fucking funny. It's so funny and dumb and wonderful. And I don't know, I just, I can't recommend it enough. It's so, it's so good. Please check it out folks. It's, you can get it wherever you get your books.

Your local bookstore probably won't have it on the shelf when you go in, but you can ask them to order a copy for you and they can do that. So sit on the floor until they bring it out. Yeah, or buy two copies and go put one on the shelf of your local bookstore. Even better. Another good way to get it is if you stick your hand into a into a bowl of peeled grapes. Yeah, yeah. We have one at the bottom of each of those. We're doing a thing where we're hiding, you know how it's fun to hide things into children's Halloween candy?

We've been hiding little versions of the book inside hard candies for kids. Yeah, no, inside hard candies for old people because the book is 18 plus. Yeah, we actually have had a couple people, I had a friend who works at a library, like a high school friend, who's like, I'm gonna order it for my school library.

And I had to relay a message to her and be like, no, there's like a lot of pissed stuff. You will get fired if you do that. This is not the Hill to Die on. Yeah. John Kennedy, other Laylaichur writer, came out to our reading last night and he was like, I almost brought my daughter and then I remembered what your sense of humor is like and I was probably shit. But Siri, it's such a good, it made me laugh in a way. The only thing that it even kind of reminded me of, I had this book called Uncle Shelby's

A to Z, which was like a Shel Silverstein book that he wrote for adults. That was like so funny and stupid and kind of like dirty. And I was like, this feels like that. It was so, it's, I don't know. You guys are just both so fucking funny. I appreciate it. Thanks for the rate. I mean, it's been, I obviously like,

Nate and I are like actually friends. Yeah. And it is just a way for us. We really started doing the Boo Boy shows because it's hard to do live comedy in LA and we were like, and we were kind of like not really do it stand up much. And we were both just like, let's do one show a year where we can book a small room and pack it out. And so you get the guaranteed feeling of saying you sold out a show because you

book a room that like I think Ian the show you went to had seating for 25. Yeah, that was literally part of the whole scheme Just so we get to say we sold out a show. We did two shows that night both shows sold out That's right A total of 50 people were entertained. The the boo boys started was like five years ago or maybe six years ago. Someone asked Zach to do their stand-up show and Zach was like, I haven't done stand-up in so long. And he asked me, he's like, do you want to just like do some bits together? So we just wrote some dumb Halloween bits. We called ourselves the Boo Boys. It was like a Halloween show. And it was this whole thing

where we were these two guys who we only do Halloween themed comedy and we get really upset that we only get booked in October and we don't know why people won't book us. And part of our lore that we set up is that we're one of the top six Halloween themed sketch comedy groups in the greater Glendale area. Specifically north of Colorado. South of the 134. I know exactly what you're talking about. in the greater Glendale area. Yeah, specifically north of Colorado. South of the 134.

I know exactly what you're talking about. And you know when Chevy Chase goes up, like it goes north, you can't go west of that. You go outside that block radius where it bumps us into top 11 Halloween movies. It's become a saturated environment because of your influence. I kind of think so. Yeah, I think so. Uh, I will say Nate, Nate and I, uh, we were both doing stand up in New York and buddies and I remember we started doing like, we never did, Nate was in a two man act way back in the day, but like, there was this open mic that I think

Mike Lawrence was doing that it was like a, what was the weird-man thing? It was Mike Lawrence and Dan St. Germain, and every, actually it was Halloween when I think of it. It was a well-bathed, a well-bathed open mic. Yeah, it was a poorly ventilated room that you did not wanna be in. It was, they, on Halloween, they would do a thing where they would draw two names from the bucket,

and then two open micers would have to go up together and just fucking figure it out. And it mostly ended up just being strangers saying incredibly mean things to each other. It's one of those two dudes. It was like mostly like all the worst people you've ever met in all of New York or LA just trying to roast each other. Yeah. And then Nate and I went up and we complimented each other for five minutes straight and it was just like good boy comedy. And we destroyed and we really like unlocked something in our brains. And then that's how we became friends. Was choosing to be nice to each other instead of mean to each other.

Truly choosing to be part of the light instead of the dark in the New York City comedy scene. But also now the bit of this group who only gets booked on Halloween has actually become our reality because now we only perform on Halloween. And like we chatted, I was like, we were doing these live shows once a year and I had, since our last show, I've had two kids and I literally cannot do even that one live show. And so that is why we did the book instead so we're slowly like getting further and further removed from any we won't be able to do this podcast next time around

well you cuz you're just gonna keep having kids right yeah it is the thing I'm good at yeah yeah well I hope you two weird little freaks got all your nice out of your system because you're in the jungle now We were nice in New York, but LA has changed us. Oh, yeah, we're still nice. We just don't mean it Oh a damning indictment that is incredibly true the Oh a damning indictment that is incredibly true The the do you guys have anything else you want to promote anything else you'd like to steer people towards social media exclusively Scary stories that make you scared of stories. Yes buy on Amazon.com and other books bookstores Yes, definitely the book also also if you go to my my Twitter page

There's a link in my bio to sign up for a mailing list because I'm trying to just get social media out of my life completely So I like that's a great idea. So just do that if I can get like If I can get 500 people on an emailing list, I will never use Twitter again Go sign up for that also sign up for that and I will not use Twitter again. And that's... Go sign up for that. I'll sign up for that. So sign up for that. And I will not email more than once or twice a year, probably. That's perfect. You will get an email about this book though.

And those are just little hellos. Which is like, hey, how's it going? It's probably gonna be me once a year being like, hey guys, if you haven't got the book yet, check out the book. Book's still out. Book's still out. And I'd like to promote, I'm in a terrible low budget commercial for the mobile video game

Last War with Anthony Starr who plays Homelander. Just check it out. Honestly, you just need to open Instagram and you'll see it. Yeah, just keep scrolling Instagram and you will. Keep scrolling and you'll see it. I've seen it. I love it if you support my art. Thank you.

Just support my art. And also, you might also, if you're scrolling deep enough, you might even see me in a shampoo commercial on Instagram. Last night, someone came up and was like, I keep seeing mobile ads with both of you. What's going on? If you travel back in time you can see Nate in a yogurt commercial too with Cam Newton. Here's a question. Can you still scroll to the bottom of Instagram?

You remember when you used to be able to go through and be like, Oh, your day was done. Yeah. They got rid of that. No, it's a, yeah, it's not long enough. Twitter starts. It's messed up, man. I don't use Tik Tok, but someone told me that if you're scrolling for like an hour

on Tik Tok, a message comes up. That's like, Hey buddy, like you might want to chill for a second. I think that's true. Yeah. Yeah. I think they've kind. Yeah. Yeah. I think they've kind of caused, put up little, like little friction, they call it, in the tech biz to get you not to totally lose your mind.

Um, I lost my train of thought. And a hush fell over the podcast. A hush falls over the podcast. Yeah, man, I had to fucking mention that I know the term friction. I feel like I kind of ruined it. Well, I just feel bad because now I have to threaten our audience. If you don't buy scary stories to make you scared of stories, I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to kill you.

That's the kind of promo we need. I agree. I will say that the downside of us being such polite boys is that I don't think people realize how serious this is. Oh yeah, I've seen funny games. I know what you two are doing for real. We're both like, if you do read the stories you could tell we're actually pretty pretty twisted. We're sick people I've been through the book promotion ringer now, and it's the only thing that truly works is Threatening a show, but people's houses and killing them. I have a lot of your addresses just from the patreon stuff If you listen, they're in there and I'm coming over there. Yeah

I'll also do that, but I'm a very slight man, so you'll probably end up killing me. So, if that's something- But that's the guilt of that. If that's something that interests you, then don't buy the book. If you want to kill a man, no problem, don't buy this book. Damn. You're going to have to live with it. If you want to kill a man, no problem. Don't buy this book You're not gonna you're gonna end up spending a lot of time looking three inches above the TV You know what I mean? Not really watching just sort of

Beyond just killing a man just the the time wasted and court afterward Then you're gonna be on like a Netflix series about the time you killed the man tie it up and nobody's for the rest of your life Nobody's just annoying just buy the book. Yeah, up in fees for the rest of your life. It's just annoying. Just buy the book. Yeah. You don't want to be the subject matter of several podcasts. I would also say that it's the ebook on Amazon is only 6.66, which is a very spooky price.

Yeah. We're taking a financial hit so that we can have a bit in the price. Yeah, I will say it is easily a $7 book and Nate and I have decided that it was worth it just to have a kind of the price. Yeah, I will say it is easily a $7 book and Nate and I have decided that it was worth it just to have a kind of funny price. Yeah, if we charge if we charge the full $99.99 for the ebook, man, we would be having we'd have like 12 more dollars right now.

You wouldn't be on this piece of shit podcast. That's for sure. So we really appreciate it. Nope. We'd be on NPR. I think I'd be talking to someone with a much more interesting name than you guys. Yes.

Yon Carmel. You'd be talking to somebody with a wax paper sandwich named after him. That's a, there we go. Now we got some LA references. Here we go. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on every platform, except I recently noticed that's not what I am on YouTube.

It's IK Cooled You on YouTube and I can't change it. Keep it. I'm keeping it. Yeah, good. Because somebody else has Ian Carmel and they're not even doing anything with it. What? They got it. Yeah, don't worry about it.

I, you know what happened to me on Instagram, right? Yeah, that's right. I tried to sign up for Instagram, but because at the time my Twitter was verified, it's not verified now, I'm not part of that. I'm not part of that. He is, he is. At the time.

You donate money to Elon on the side, right? Yeah, yeah. The pre-Elon days I was verified on Twitter, and because of that, Instagram wouldn't let me use my name without going through a bunch of steps to prove that I was me. Right. So the only thing I could do

was type in the phrase diarrhea pubes. And that became my Instagram handle, and I keep wanting to change it, and every time I'm about to change it, someone tells me it's funny, and then I can't, and then it's like another six months before I can decide to change it again. It is funny. Can I tell you something real quick?

Yeah. It is funny. It is funny. I was going to change it after the show today. No, no, no. That's two people that just told you. I will say, also, we really sold that this book is a lot of piss stuff. I want to also stress it's got a lot of diarrhea, too.

Plenty of diarrhea. Plenty of diarrhea. Lots of diarrhea. I know. There's so many people out there like, okay, I used to be more of's got a lot of diarrhea too. Plenty of diarrhea. Plenty of diarrhea. Lots of diarrhea. There's so many people out there like, okay, I'm not, I used to be more of a piss guy, but I've really moved into poop. I'm an adult now. Yeah. I have kids. Also, there's also Jizz in there too. So. Oh yeah. The book's got it all. It's a good book. The only thing solid is the literature. Honestly, there are some typos. What's a book without typos?

Well, and Nate and I have been doing a joke that the book was too scary that no editor would touch it. Yeah, that no one would proofread it. They got too scared. So that's why there's if you find typos, that's that's why. Um, I, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, both. It would be really great. I like a bundle. Let's do a bundle. Yeah. Because it would be great if like, because if a bunch of people did that, then it becomes like a recommended book on like, like if someone's looking at the t-shirt swim club page, it'll be like other users have purchased scary stories and make you scared of stories. Do the Barbenheimer with it, you know?

I would love that. Right now the only thing that's on that part of our Samsung and some pages like an anime book There's some fan crossover that you know, we're not super in love with but yeah But it is happening So yeah, please buy both books at the same time so that it so that Amazon is like, okay We see what customers are into the biggest thing other than that, which is my truest hope, is please follow me on YouTube at IKCoolJew,

where I will be releasing my special soon. We've color corrected it, it looks good, it looks funny, I'm really, really proud of it, recorded back home in Portland. I also might put out a special I recorded like a few years ago and never released. Just because we had it recorded for Shits and Giggles and I thought there would be crossover material.

There's none. So you're gonna be getting plenty of carms on there. So give me a follow. It's all a little price on the house. Genuinely psyched to watch that. Thank you. I'm really happy with it. I think it's good.

I think I was there for both of them. And I would love for you to watch it. And they're amazing. I had to have been there for the other one too, right? You were indeed, you were indeed for both of them. You were on stage for both of them. You got sexy. I got what?

You go, you were indeed, you got sexy with it. You were indeed, you were indeed at both of them. Appreciate it. But we are gathered here today, not to be stoked about my special coming out, but instead to fantasy draft horror movie tropes Mm-hmm, maybe our spookiest draft ever

Yeah, maybe even accidentally said a couple of them in the banter leading up to this moment I got one little sneaky guy that I don't know if anyone's gonna take one little guy is a horror movie trope Little guy I describe ourselves as two little sneaky guy is a horror movie trope. Yeah, I know. I was gonna say. I mean, I describe ourselves as two little sneaky guys, so I don't love failure steppin' on it, but... I'm gettin' in your kitchen, dude. That's alright. Mental warfare. The way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. And we throw and shoot.

Okay. Alright, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, and we throw and shoot. Okay. All right, here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, sorry. Oh, all three scissors! We gotta play. All three scissors. I mean, we had to go blade, it's horror.

It is, that's true. So we're gonna be doing, maybe I should just pick, but here we go again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot! Oh, Sean wins! With a paper against two scissors and especially spooky Well, when I'm not wait doesn't scissors be paper. Yeah, but we all want each other out. Yeah, it's a three-way Victory is Nate naturally we start to scissor. Yeah, okay. Yeah

We could do it love that the boo boys did the same one each time. Yeah It's the spookiest way we could do it. Love that the Boo Boys did the same one each time. Yeah. That's why you go to that book. They wrote a book together, throw scissors together. We know. Get beat at this draft together. Yeah, we know.

But first. We're in a writer's room for, you know, working on this book for over two hours. We know each other. You know each other's Mendocino Farms orders. We're sprinkling all sorts of LA references, little Easter eggs for the listeners. Sean, you're the winner of Rock Paper Scissors.

As the winner, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you, it's a Serpentine draft. It is a Serpentine draft. If anybody listening, if you too don't know, it's like the switchback on a mountain. Done.

Oh, very nice. Sice, just like last week, remember? Yeah. The new Sean era is a little quick. Not a lot of bullshit. So this draft might be chased out of Ireland into a whale's mouth. Is that something we said?

Was that a reference? Holding a chilele in both hands. There we go, there we go. I think it was on Mike. Holding a whale's mouth. Is that something we said? Was that a reference? Holding a chilele in both hands. There we go, there we go. I think it was on Mike. Holding a chilele. It's also a lot like somebody trick or treating, where they go up one street, turn around, go back down the other. Change outfits,

go right back down to the same house as it did. Oh, and then are either of you dressing up for Halloween? Oh yeah, so my son is just now, I got a two and a half year old boy, and he is like, this is gonna be his first Halloween, where he is like, cause he's just like a little spraight, and I think, so he kinda wants to be a pirate,

and so we have an outfit for him, and the goal is to make our stroller with cardboard look like a pirate ship. And so we're debating what kind of pirates we're gonna be, me and the wife, is to make our stroller with cardboard look like a pirate ship. And so we're debating what kind of pirates we're going to be, me and the wife, or if we're going to be like, parents or something that sort of contributes to the oeuvre of the pirate ship. You should be pirates like Captain Phillips.

You should be Pittsburgh pirates. You could. You should be internet pirates. Captain Jack Swallow, I think, is maybe the scariest option of all of them. You should be Pittsburgh Pirates. You could. I think Captain Jack Swallow, I think, is maybe the scariest option of all of them. You should be online pirates. Just like people who like upload illegal music to servers. Wait, who's Captain Jack Swallow?

Is that Captain Jack, is that like a tag on Captain Jack Sparrow? I meant to say Sparrow, and I said Swallow. You dirty boy. I was honestly like, got away with it too. No, no, no. Jack Swallows sticks out when you hear the name Jack Swallows. I truly think that Nate and I did a sketch our first year about two guys who dressed as Jack Sparrow at a party. And it was called the Jack Off.

And it was two guys who were going to have a Jack Off at a party. Sure, yeah. They're like, we can only be one Jack Sparrow We know what you did DJs when they get together they have a beat-off so it's kind of like that like it was a very I that it was just me And Nate dressed like Jack Sparrow asking if ask in the audience if they wanted us to jack off for about four minutes Yeah And it didn't do well. Didn't make the book, that one. Didn't make the book.

That was like the book. Well, there's always a second. There's gonna be a second book. Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, it's already in the works. Basically what that means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round.

Now Sean, Sean, with that in mind, what will the order of today's Spooky Spooky Draft be? I'm gonna go first. Well Sean's first. Then we'll have Zach, then Nate, then Ian. We're gonna have a little sandwich with the Boo Boys in the middle. All right. Boo Boys sandwich.

The Boo Boys sandwich on A.F.E. And we're gonna get to that first pick right after this short break. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now I'm gonna ask you something, it's the spooky season. You're listening to us draft horror movie tropes. What's something that scares you? Big, small, doesn't matter.

For your boy, it's flying. If we wanna get spooky, it's house centipedes. My God, I had a house centipede in here the other day. Almost had to sell it, it was bonkers. But I digress. Halloween, it lets us have fun with what scares us, but what about those fears that don't involve zombies and ghosts?

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It just gives you a new set of ears. You know, it's someone you can sit, you can vent to, somebody who can step back and reasonably tell you why you shouldn't be terrified to fly every single time because that's what you do for work, neither here nor there, I'm just saying. It is good to have someone to talk to about those things. It helps you set boundary, all those good things,

setting boundaries, personal limits, all that stuff. And if you're thinking of starting therapy, go on and give BetterHelp a try. Get your feet on the court, you know what I mean? It's entirely online, it's designed, it's convenient, flexible, they suit to your schedule so they can work with you, fill out a brief questionnaire, and you can match with a licensed therapist.

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Yeah, we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy everything. Already in progress, we are drafting horror movie tropes. And Sean Jolton, how was the first pick? What'd you do with Ian? You Dracula? He's dead. She's dead.

Oh no, he was such a good bud. Dead serious about doing this draft. I gotta pick. It's a Simpsons joke. I gotta pick the mirror, the mirror in the bathroom. It's gotta be my first. Oh, that's such a good one. Yep.

It came from, was it Hitchcock? Like the first person that did it where like the mirror's shut or whatever, you open it, then shut it again, someone's standing behind you. That old trick. But still gets me and they've found ways to use it where like they'll shut it and no one's behind you now and you're like, where's the fucking killer at?

It's supposed to be in the mirror. Every time I see just a mirror being filmed in a movie I'm like how can't I see the camera right now? What's happening? It blows my mind. So that on top of a scary thing happening, that's an incredible moment. That's how they trick you by the way. That's how they, you're just sort of so focused the, how they got it filmed, that you don't,

and you forget that there's gonna be a guy in a mask. Yeah. And you're like, oh, oh no. Or a girl. Oh nice. Oh my God. Am I sexy? Ally, hero. Wow.

I left my cape in the other room, I'm sorry, but you know, she's got my vote. Anyway, the mirror trick. Or someone with a non-specific gender, That doesn't fall on your binary, Sean. Sure, could be. Thank you for mentioning that. I applaud your tolerance, thank you. We're just now getting into gender-based jokes

here on the podcast. Justing it out. We didn't really know that that was a thing that comedians were doing. Yeah, you're gonna go. I honestly think it's really popular if you do wanna go that route. Yeah. We're about six. I honestly think it's really popular if you do wanna go that route.

Yeah. We're about six months away from doing my pronouns are, and then two things that aren't pronouns, just to sort of set up a timeline for everybody, the listeners at home. But we are planning on getting there. Yeah. This episode was actually recorded three Halloweens ago.

This was three... The whole mirror trick. The mirror trick, we see that I think, I feel like in the paranormal activity movies, you might get one of those. Where else are we seeing that? I'm thinking, so I don't, this doesn't, I don't want to say another pick. Don't, don't you fucking do it, bro.

Oh, I'm not trying to, but there's movies where you, oh, God, what lies beneath uses it a few times, because there's like, I'm wondering how much I there's movies where you... God, What Lies Beneath uses it a few times, because there's like, I'm wondering how much I get to use the mirror. In this trick, in this pic, I'm just saying, the mirror where there's somebody appears behind you. I truly want to say that my wife and I,

before I came to do this podcast, were talking about What Lies Beneath, and I like the idea that all of your pics are referencing. Dude, Robert Zemeck, big Zemeck is head over here is a mech What about this new Zemeck is movie have you seen this where it all takes place in one room? It's like Tom Hanks. Oh, is that him? Is it? Yeah. Oh, it looks so bad He had a WTF come out. It looks like they fully CGI'd all of Tom Hanks. Yes His body moves like the Polar Express Tom Hanks.

Why is he moving like that? It looks like a movie that they show, like if a boomer is being, I'm not making fun of boomers, but it's that we're gonna give you a lethal dose of fentanyl and let you fade into death while this movie plays to comfort you. You know, like it's that kind of, which like Zemeckis, that's what like Forrest Gump is.

And I am a, I enjoy Forrest Gump. I'm an idiot. Well, this is clearly because it's Ginny and Forrest playing the two leads. It's called The Life, is that it? I think something like that. Yeah, and it takes place all in one room. It's basically a whole movie that was sold

on member Forrest Gump. It's called Here, That's what it's called. Here. Yeah. Here. It's all in one room. I hope there's no mirrors in that room. There I was looking up this trope. There's a movie starring your boy Kiefer Sutherland, Sean. Oh, that's my man's in them. I made 50 grand. I just watched the trailer for A Few Good Men last night because I've never seen it. Bald Kiefer Sutherland, Sean. Oh, that's my man's in them. I'm in 50 grand. I just watched the trailer for A Few Good Men last night because I've never seen it. Bald Kiefer.

Okay. Hold on, I'm a Kiefer too. I love Kiefer. I've never seen A Few Good Men and it hit me like a ton of bricks last night. Laura's like, what? She's like, that's a US movie. Did you watch it last night?

No, it was like one in the morning. I'll watch it soon. But it's Valerie Kilmer is in there, Bald Kiefer's in there, Demi Moore, it's got, I mean, Jack and Tom, of course. I think we're due for a renaissance on the name Kiefer. I don't think there's been a Kiefer since Kiefer Sutherland.

I think he was the final Kiefer. Shane Torres got a buddy named Kiefer, shout out Shane. Shane Torres has a friend named Kiefer? Yeah, yeah, I met him. It's Kiefer Sutherland, though. Yeah, it is. He goes to the same boxing gym as me. Good guy, actually.

Good guy. Yeah, we need more Kiefer's. But he's in a movie called Mirrors. This is such a good trope that there's just straight up a movie about it. Wow. Yeah. I can't believe you haven't seen a few good men. You're gonna fucking have a fit and fall in it, dude,

as they say, that movie is so good. I know, I'm excited. I'm excited to watch it. Dude, Tom Cruise, he's playing baseball in it for some reason? No good reason. So he can walk around later with a bat. Oh, they set it up.

He goes smashing down mailboxes. He does. Because it doesn't go his way in court. Then does a backflip for no reason. There's, that's a good, this is not a horror movie trope, but that's a big open Chinese food containers while they're figuring something out movie. Lawyer movie trope or whatever you wanna call it.

Yeah. Yeah, but the spooky mirror, that's a great trope. We go now to Zachary Saad for his first pick on All Fans Here. I'm gonna go with, and I'm gonna say there's a correction to the name, but I'm gonna say it as we know it which is Indian burial ground Yeah, I think obviously we would call it, you know, this is a Native American burial ground Oh guys, I feel like you just get like burial ground with that, right? You just get burial ground. I think just sort of like a disrespecting

Ceremonial burial ground site. Yeah. Classic being, you know, there's a pet, the pet cemetery situation, but I just think it's everywhere and I think I love it. It is my favorite. I like the thought that a place is inherently evil or like I, there's something about, I think it, there's like an American like consumerism and like, we just build on anything. There's like a lack of respect for like the old ways that I think I really think it hits something for me.

There's, I guess it, not to get too like, I don't know, woo woo about this, but they're not woo woo. But like- Give them both barrels, dude. Oh, here's boy, you know what? I'm gonna tie a third barrel just to the top. I think this is Yan. This is anytime you're talking woo woo, you're gonna duct I'm gonna tie a third barrel just to the top. I think this is Jan. Anytime you're talking woo woo, you're Jan.

You're gonna duct tape a Beretta onto your shotgun. If we can let Jan speak for just half a second here. Jan, by the way, I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I was at a meeting right before this podcast just to sort of balance out what I'm about to say. And I was in such a hurry to get home that I did not pee at the coffee shop where I was having the meeting.

But I had to pee so bad. Pulled up to my house. My backyard, you can't see into my backyard. And I had to pee so bad, I was like, I don't think I'm gonna make it to the toilet. And I dropped my pants and ran little tiny steps with my, with my pants. I peed in my backyard.

Cause I had to pee so bad and I wanted, I didn't wanna keep you guys waiting. I, I, that is something I did in like the house I grew up in. Like we had like a long, we lived kind of like in the woods and sometimes I would get home at night and I'd be like, I have to pee so bad. And I would just step out of my car and just piss. I will say I play a lot of golf and during COVID

I played tons of golf and I will say the only I don't I'm not good at it I don't even like the game that much. I like peeing outside Oh, it's great And it is a thing you can do when you play golf all the time you drink tons of beers and you just take leaks And weird bushes. It's so fun. It's it's great. It connects you it connects You're like you're you're like dirty bits never get fresh air I was I did it so nice never seen anyone pissing on a golf course. You're not playing real golf if you've got clothes on.

Yeah, I think Nate's playing at fancy golf courses. You're not playing at public courses. We're pissing everywhere. I'm exclusively playing at public courses. At the community courses, they don't have bathrooms. It's just dudes with their augs out. Can we get confirmation for other people? Are other people pissing on the golf course or is this just that?

I mean, I will say I might have a certain age and I might be peeing too much. That is a possibility. I think people are peeing on the golf course. I just get together with three other guys. We don't even golf. We just sort of walk different distances down the court and piss. Yeah a lot of my friends are like, Zach you didn't bring your clubs today. It's like I just need the one.

You're just holding a poll cue. You're like Zach you didn't bring your clubs today. It's like I just need the one Bro, I won nine iron and two balls If I were on a golf course, I had to pee I'd feel like I just had to go in the hole Places to pee that I respect the game too much to no one else no one else's putts will go in, because it's full of pee, so it just floats across the hole. You keep missing, dude. Rain delay. Put your pool cue down. Ian, I feel like you were gonna say something bad.

That's why you set this up. The Indian burial ground trope, it's like the original sin of the entire country, right? Which is that like, there is something that can never inherently be pure about America because of, well, our two original sins, right? I mean, slavery and genocide, right? Or the big two, but it's like,

and all of these movies are trying to sort of reckon with that feeling in a way that is more like, what if your TV was spooky? You know, but like that's what they're all touching back to. Ultragayst is really great about it. Ultragayst, because of it's like, that's what they're all like touching. Ultra Guest is really great about it. Ultra Guest, because of it's like, so much of a suburban sprawl story too. So it's like, it's not this old creepy house.

It is like a direct on the nose, like, this is a suburb. On it. This is it. How much for you guys to have a crib, like if they're like, yeah, there's a family buried in the backyard. Would you ever move in? I think in the current LA home situation,

you'd have to deal with it. I think you're just feeling, yeah, it's fine. But seriously, would you, I'm being so like, would you, because that, it would really be tough for me to do. Can I ask, is it a white family? Because I can deal with it. I don't have any problem if there's no like,

racial problem with that. It's a family that grew up in this house. The what? The murder house in Los Feliz? I do. No. There's this house where like this guy like murdered his whole family

and then like killed himself on Christmas. And this happened in like 1959 or something. And the house has been vacant since. It's in that like the hills of Los Feliz where there's all these like beautiful houses. And it's just this one empty house and they've been trying to sell it for years, and the price just keeps going up. We walked by there and they're asking $8 million for it.

They're asking for $8 million. It's covered in graffiti. It's completely condemned. There's boards in the windows, and that entire family was murdered on Christmas Day there. So for a while, the thing was like, the whole inside still looked like Christmas. It was still like gifts under the tree and stuff. And we were out for a walk.

I walked in and I had my girlfriend and I, we were there, we're like, should we put in an offer for like 600K and see if they take it? It's like, in 1959, they probably paid like, 30 grand for it or something. So there'd still be a big profit bump for them, but no one's lived in there for like 60 years. Who even owns it now?

It ain't worth it. It ain't worth it. To do it, it'd be on my mind every second of the day. I would never forget about it. Other than the spooky ghost. This is the words of the guy who doesn't live in LA right now. You're living in Portland. Yeah, the rent's gone up since you left. Yeah. If they were like, a murder happens in this room once a week, if you just stay out of this room, I'd be like,

yeah, sure, if the price is right, I'll stay out of that room. It's at 10? Oh, I can go, I'll go work at a coffee shop. Is there a yard that I can piss in? Yeah. I'm in. I'm golfing most of the time anyways.

It's true. The spooky ghosts, all that would be one thing, but then also you've got goths who are gonna show up at your house all the time, trying to summon stuff, you know? So that's gonna be annoying in its own way. That's a regular LA house, I feel like. That's anything in Highland Park.

Yeah, that's true. You're dealing with that. Did you know Elvira stayed in a room here one night? Can I clear it? I mean, I did used to live by the Danzig House, and it was very fun to just watch goth people take their annual photos. And now I'm by the Halloween House in the South Pass area. And it is just very funny to be raising kids where like, there's not only just one guy

dressed like Michael Myers, there'll be like 30 Michael Myers walking around and they're all like waving at each other. It's very funny. There's probably like a line to take pictures in front of the house. They're helping each other take photos. It's like a whole little subculture of absolute freaks. I love a cute Michael Myers thing happening. It's like, this is sweet.

It's like when you see a tiny little Michael Myers. I did the other day, I was telling Nate about it and I did accidentally say Mike Myers, which is a very different premise. That is. The Mike Myers house, that's a different one. That's a charmer or whatever. The Mike Myers house, that's a different one. That's in Toronto. That's in Schomburg or whatever.

Danzig house was in Atwater Village, right? Oh, Los Feliz. Oh, Los Feliz, okay, yeah. Because there's a famous photo of Glenn Danzig buying a cat litter outside of that Albertson's. No, it's so funny. And it was a meme, it was like, I bought some litter today.

I think they're clear. The Pulp Fiction house is in Atwater Village, the one where they sell the heroin. No, really? Yeah, yeah, I'll take you next time you're here, Sean. Yeah, man. Oh, that's cool. Excellent pick. Indian burial ground. Thank you. Amityville Horror, too, right? Is that?

No, that was a Kill Your Family. That was different. Sorry. Uh nate time for your Okay, so the trope i'm gonna pick it's a historically new trope that started in about the early 2000s and has been evolving as the years go on and that's the trope of uh The reason why their cell phones aren't working Yeah, like I remember in like 2003, four horror movies, they just started to simply be like, be like, there's no service here. And then when every movie started saying no service,

like they had to get more creative. Like they're like, you know, we just need a digital detox this weekend. We're leaving our phones at home. And like, yeah. Cause they had service everywhere. He's like, well, no, you do have service. Yeah, there's service everywhere now. I've been to those mountains.

And you're just like, oh, my battery died. So the reason keeps evolving and it's really fun to see in horror movies of why the phone's not working. Or they'll just start setting it in the past. And then they're like fixed. That's probably why there's like so much of that now. I think you're right.

It's why everything is like Annabelle origins now. You know? They'll have a full script of like a modern day horror movie. And then they're just like, fuck, we can't figure out why the phone's not working. And they're like, let's just put it in the sixties. Yeah, it's an eighties horror movie now. That is, cause there's like so many things,

like if you go back and watch the movies, you're like, well, if they just had a cell phone, they'd be fine. Like in The Shining, if she just had a cell phone, she'd be alright. Well, somebody went and figured out, like, I don't know, they were just, the thing with that Zodiac movie,

they were like, if they just had phones, they would've caught the dude in like half a day. Just cause everything is so sloppy. I find it much harder to be a serial killer now. Yeah, you talk about that a lot. You do it though. You do it. I do it, I do it.

It's just hard. A lot of the joy is out of it. I do it because I love it. Yeah, it's because everyone's filming everything now. Everyone's live streaming and it's just like. I almost got caught. I had to kill three cops because I showed up in the back of this guy doing a TikTok dance.

It's like, that's not why I'm in the game like it's hard to take souvenirs first of all because it's in public It just people are reliant on technology too much these days and it's making so that it's there's no good serial killers now Let me uh, let me ask you this. When was the last time that your phone just did die? When was last it hasn't happened to me when was last time that your phone died because it hasn't happened to me. When was the last time that your phone died? Cause it hasn't happened to me for years, where it was legit, like I can't use this. And if I had a, I had an iPhone 7 until like three months ago, and so it was dying a lot, Sean.

I was like, making it up. The battery, you just need to get out of the shower, you're like, the battery's cooked. I was the last guy who could fall for like a horror movie premise. And I do think that is my solution for Nate's problem which is just... I'm still on a five. Five with no case. Oh are you still holding on? Five? Still holding on. Five no case. Show us the screen coward. That's how the rich stay rich right there. Screen, screen beautiful beautiful screen. That's incredible all right. I'm us the password. I mean a lot of fingerprints aren't, but,

okay, password, 6-9, 6-9, 6-9. And open up your photos. Okay. And folder called, PubePix. I don't want, is that the rub copy of the book before it had the working title?

PubePix. That's not a bad idea. Yeah, that no reception chip, man. It is nice to see the evolution on that. Yeah. I used to have a phone crap out like all the time. Before I upgraded, it was embarrassing. Also no room, so I had to like every time I took a picture,

I had to go back and like kill a memory. I was the last phone guy in college. Nate and I, I think share that, which is we were like the last one in our group of friends who decided to get a phone and everyone had a, so I was like, all my friends that get phones at like seniors in high school and I was like a sophomore in college. And so my full freshman year was me with like, I had like a little like ball of scraps of paper with girls phone numbers on it.

And I just. I had my little folded book in my wallet, my little number sheet. I had that. I had a little wallet book. Not many girls numbers on it though. I'm overselling the amount. Yeah, but you just make them up. Yeah, it was huge. Just a number for my allergist.

And that's it. People see mine, Sean, who are all these girls? Oh, they go to different schools. One of them lives in Germany. You'd have no idea. She's a working model. You got like a plus five two before the phone number. It's crazy.

I wouldn't try to call that from a different phone. It'll blow up. Yeah, you gotta get a hold of an operator They got to like pull a plug out and then plug it into another hole. It's a whole McGill. Oh, that's it Can you still call zero? He still dials zero to get operator, dude. I don't know And I don't give a shit This is This is all fantasy everything you're tuned in to all fantasy everything. This is all fantasy everything. You're tuned in to all fantasy everything.

My first pick is this is not a big overarching one. It's more of a little detail, but I love it so much. And I think of it almost every day, which is fumbling keys, trying to get inside a door or a car. Love a fumbling keys. But the truth is I can't imagine I wouldn't be doing that. I would fumble the keys so hard.

See I think- Like if you were trying to get to your toilet today instead of using the yard, you would have been fumbling your keys for sure. You would have been fumbling? I would have pissed my pants at my back door. Because I would have fumbled the keys and I would have just been like, it's happening. And I would have fumbled the keys and I would've just been like, it's happening and I would've pissed myself. I have a pitch on a horror, like modern horror premise, which is basically, you wouldn't say it's Diddy's party, but it would clearly be like a,

it would be a world of like a rapper celebrity who's into like crazy sex stuff. And everyone is fully covered in lube when the killer comes. And they're all just like trying to pick up their keys and like trying to open door handles. And all the keys are in a fishbowl together too. And they're just like full on slips everywhere. I think that would be really fun.

You know what's interesting about the Fumbling the Keys meme is now it doesn't happen with cars as much anymore. So now the main character has to like drive a shitty car like, oh this old fucking car. Yeah. Because otherwise they just got the like auto unlock when you walk up to the car. Okay. Here you go though. I think and I'm sure if I was in a situation where I was like getting chased my car, I'd have my key.

I wouldn't wait till I got there. Like I can run just as fast probably and put my hand in my pocket and find the right key on the way to the car or the house. I really think I could. I said it's a serious podcast, so I'm being serious. I think I, I don't know, but I think I would struggle, even if I had it ready, right? With getting, then it would be like getting it into the hole, I'd be so afraid.

To unlock the door would be tricky, I guess. Yeah. You want to just, can I get the clip of Ian saying he would struggle getting it into the hole? I only want to use it for something. I just want it for stuff. I'm going to jack off to it. I'm so awkward that I would like not only fumble my keys but then I'd also somehow like

step on a rake and then like a bucket would land on my head and I'd slip on a banana peel. It'd be a guy with a bunch of pies. And I'd be like, guy with all the pies, why aren't you helping me? I'm late for my bigger pie delivery. Is that an Italian chef trope? It's gotta be. It's my first time baking pies. I tried to drive through that tunnel, but it turns out it's the side of a mountain.

Who knew? They're pizza pies. They're pizza pies. Pizza pies to drive through that tunnel, but it turns out it's the side of a mountain. Who knew? You know? They're pizza pies. They're pizza pies. Pizza pies. Yeah, that would be tough. I forget getting the key into the door hole, which I haven't done in who knows how long.

That's tough. That was always tough. That was never easy. That was tough, because you're getting in there. Even leaving the mall, that was tough. There's a jiggle when it's in there. You know, it's tough. Do you ever give yourself the challenge

where you're like walking up to your house and you're like, okay, a killer's behind you. Get in as soon as you can. I do that to myself. Or than you think I do. Yeah, I do. Mine are much more similar to Ian's where I have to take a dump

and I need to get in really fast. There's a killer in your butthole. I drink like four cups of coffee a day. So let's say I'm getting a lot of practice, Ian. What do you think if there was a murderer chasing you and if you turned to him and you're like, hey, man I just really got to take a dump. I don't want to die like this. Yeah, I What when I was living in New York

You have Jared Logan who also worked the late late show. Yeah. Yeah. He was coming home one I we when we first moved her we lived in a very scary neighborhood and he was coming home one night off the train he was walking and and he like had to shit so bad. And a guy came up and tried to mug him, and then Terry just goes, look man, I'm about to shit my pants. And the guy just goes, oh, go, go, go, go ahead. So I think it would work.

I think it would work. I think telling someone you have to shit is like a great out. You get pulled over by a cop, I think if you tell him I'm gonna shit my pants like yeah probably more likely to get out of it than not. But there's the one in a thousand chance where they're like even better. And that's where you're really in trouble. I do know that if I was a cop I would write that ticket really slowly knowing that I've got to bet to see the funniest thing in the world. I'd give them a bunch of tickets so they had something to wipe with.

You're just back in your car and you hear, oh no! Up in front of you. Fumbled Keys is my first pick, with my second pick. Serpentines. This is a serpentine draft. What's your second pick? Serpentine. This is a serpentine draft. I'm going to take, okay, this is a, so you know, like, okay, I don't wanna say the other ones while I'm describing this pick.

I like when the scary thing is just kinda in the background as a horror movie trope. When it's not a When it's not the other ways that they try to scare you I Couldn't agree with you more when you can see it in the frame a little bit There's that scene in hereditary when the guy is like crawling on the ceiling and you can just barely see it and that freaked me out Yeah, and honestly, I think that is a response to the jump scares of like classic nineties and early outs, they got too good at the jump scares.

Yes. And so they needed to be like, there's something about just slow moving thing that you see in the background. That's why it follows scared me so much. Cause it's just like always there. Yeah. Cause that's what would, that's like how it would be, right? I guess if you start like playing that game with yourself or you're like, you know, that's when that's like how I would notice it

That's the way it would be scary and that's fine. It's like fucked up yeah, you see somebody corner your eye and you're like you're not sure if something's there and Yeah. Oh man, it gets me every time It's a like signs the alien and, when they finally show the news footage, that thing too where it's like, they're just showing a thing and then it just walks across kind of slowly. I've talked about that on here a million times,

but it's like the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. I mean, yeah, it's- That's a great one. That's a great one. Nate, time for your second pick. Okay, my second pick is when the killer or the monster, they finally kill it and it falls out of a window or something or they shoot it and they're like, oh, it's gone. And then they walk over and then the body is gone.

Oh, God. But I love it because I just imagined them sneaking away. Like, just like, like, you know, like, yeah, like, there's one of the Halloween movies where like Michael Myers falls out the window and they like look and they see that he's clearly dead and they look again out the window and he's gone and like you just like you just picture Michael Myers just be like sneak, sneak, sneak. Just really just like, hee hee hee. Does it feel like, a little bit like, hee hee hee. They don't know. It's like flipping her off a little bit like, fuck you.

If he got up and bolted, if they would hear, there'd be a noise if he was like getting up and moving and running, but the fact that like they didn't know or they didn't hear him like, oh, he was sneakin'. Yeah, it's mischievous. Because they're so scary that they never get a chance to be mischievous, but when they're like, ooh, nobody knows where I am. Yeah, it's just, yeah, it makes it less scary for me. Yeah.

I'm like, oh, Michael Myers was just on his tippy toes a moment ago. Yeah, if there's a little sneaky guy sneaking around, I can deal with that. It's not a big deal. We were talking yesterday about, like, do you remember those, God, what were they called? Like the horror movies from like the 80s, early 90s with the little, oh, like Puppet Master, all the little tiny, tiny puppets. And their big scary thing is that they might slice your ankle a little bit.

And those were just very funny. You loved watching them run around. And they were like great kid horror movies, I found. I took a bite right before you said that, and I apologize, but you're 100% right. I assumed that Yann was doing a deep thought. I like a fun kid spooky. That's my preferred kind of scary movie.

Oh, a PG-13 horror movie is my favorite kind of horror movie. Like the scary stories to tell in the dark movie, I loved. It's real fun. The Goosebumps movie wasn't bad. Yeah, what's the Five Nights at Freddy's that I thought was real fun? Yeah, yeah. I went to that last year on my birthday.

I was like, I just want to go to a movie on my birthday and there was nothing I wanted to see. So I did the like, what's next? I just walked in, I was like, it's playing next. And it was Five Nights at Freddy's. I just went and watched it, just because I wanted to go to a movie. And it was fun. I had a good time. I like, it's a plane next. And it was Five Nights at Betty's. I just went and watched it, just because I wanted to go to a movie. And it was fun, I had a good time.

I like that you what's nexted. Yeah, I've never done that before. I've always wanted to do it at an airport too, but that's a different scenario. Phenomenal, phenomenal. Am I up? Yeah, you're up, Zach. All right, I guess I'm debating between two

that I really am kind of offensive, but I think I'll go with just, this one's hitting a little closer to home is when a kid, because since I've had kids, something about a kid turning out creepy is really hitting me hard, and it's just different. Because my big fear, obviously we talked a little bit, the biggest fear is your kid's gonna be a butter face.

You obviously don't want that. That's number one., the biggest fear is your kid's gonna be a butter face. You obviously don't want that. That's number one. Second biggest fear is that your kid is gonna be like a weird like possessed evil, like void that the demons can fill and you don't, like how do you raise that? Hello father. Yeah, I don't, I want my son to keep sounding

so silly and stupid and the fact that he could one day just quote the Bible to me in a creepy way really freaks me out. Dude, I'd like to tear mommy's head off. I was laying, I was reading Maxine. We all look good. I was reading her a story the other night. It was dark in her room and we had her hatch on. So it's like a little blue and she likes bird chirping noises. And in my mind I was like, what if she just turned,

no shit, I was like, what if she just started speaking like some crazy language right now in a deep voice, and like her body stayed there but her head turned around. I just did this whole thing the other night laying there and she didn't do it, but it was scary. But it is, I like the idea that you just watch your child like, man, what if you just did the freakiest thing?

I don't know. It's just, it is, and also I wonder, your child like, man, what if you just did the freakiest thing? It is, and also I wonder, I'm like, how old would my kid have to be to be possessed and be a threat? Because I could, you know, right now I got it. I can handle it, yeah. You can handle it. No matter who's possessing her right now, but. Well, there was a solid hour I was watching my son

where he didn't blink, and it really freaked me out. And I was just sort of like, this is, I was I was like I was like this fucker's not blinking. Like Joaquin Phoenix in the master. And then I was like maybe he's blinking while I'm blinking and so I didn't blink and then he ended up blinking and he was fine. I never thought. What an idea. They're like Paul Thomas Anderson's like you only blink when the audience blinks.

How am I supposed to know that? You just know it. Trust me. I used to fall asleep with my eyes open when I was a little kid, and I'd be so bummed out if I was my parents. I would just lay there. Oh, that's cool. That's that cool.

Oh man, like a kid who sleep lost. And you still had this mustache too, right? And I slept with the full mustache. I slept walking and I slept with my eyes open. I used to have night terrors, and my mom says that there were times where she'd wake up and I would be facing the corner just playing checkers with nobody,

just like talking to a ghost. And the enemy pitch black at two in the morning. That's so scary. And I would also wake up, I had pretty bad night terrors, so I'd wake up and I'd be kind of awake but still asleep. And it's like you're possessed, because I'd be like screaming, thinking I was gonna die, and then I'd go like hit my head on the wall

in the bathroom. It's insane to think about my kid doing that. And it's genetic, so she might. Yikes, I had a friend in my childhood who got really bad night terrors, but their house was pretty big, and his room was on the complete opposite side of the house. So his parents had no idea.

So we were in the scouts together, and we would share a tent, and he would literally just be screaming in the scouts together and we would share a tent and he would like literally just like be like screaming in the middle of the night, like screaming bloody murder. And it was so fucking scary. And the next day you would tell him and he would be like, real funny guys. Like, no, I didn't. I know.

So there was one night where he went into the like scout leader's tent and started screaming. And then the scout leader told his parents. So his parents like set up a camera and then saw that every night. He was just like getting up and be like, ah, ah, and it was terrifying. Oh my God. When you're a parent, the amount of like,

we're looking at the cameras, the little like your little monitors, they're so freaky. And it's like the first time like, I was like, oh, paranormal activity movies never freaked me out, but now I see how I could get freaked out. Let me tell you this, my buddy Shane, so our baby monitor, it doesn't have, we can't do it from our phone, it's only at home.

You can see, you can use the monitor, but he has his from the mobile phone. So he was telling me, this is Shane Brennan I'm talking about, sometimes he'll go in the corner of their kid's room and sit there and look real creepy, like ball himself up, and then he'll text his wife like, hey, could you check the monitor,

I just wanna see if the monitor's working from your phone, can you check it real quick, and she'll look and they'll be like a man in the corner of the room that she didn't think was gonna be there. It's terrifying. It made me wish I could do it so bad. I would be sitting there. I'd divorce that man.

Yeah, they got a good one. It made me think wish I could do it so bad because I would be I'd divorce that man Oh, yeah, they got a good one. He's real hot. That's the that's what you're okay. Never mind That he is like touching a granite wall when you hit his back. It's nice Um shawn time for your second and third picks Second pick i'm going dark hospitals. Oh, yeah like dark And you know, I think of the Freddy movies first, but I know these are dreams, but it still fits the trope, but like they'll wake up in the hospital. And all it's dark. It's so dark even in the screen movies, the

newer screen movies when like Jenna Ortega is in the hospital you go in the hallway and it's like they're in like the middle of a brown out like a rolling brown out. I've watched a movie called Dark Hospital. I would. Dark Hospital is a out or something. I've watched a movie called Dark Hospital. I would. Dark Hospital's a very good idea. It is funny though that my kids were both born at night and the lights are fully bright. Oh, bright.

It's like Walmart in there. The room can be dark, but in every movie, they're like, well at nighttime, we do dim the lights for the murders. No, they don't. And there's not a skeleton crew. There's not a dead wing of the hospital, that's hella full of people.

Like when our daughter was born, I went out at like two in the morning and you would've thought it was like noon at LAX or something. They need to do it like the cell phone thing or just like oh jeez the hallway light bulbs went out again. They try doing that, they'll have like flickering lights

but I'm like there'd be a janitor on that with the quickness. I mean it wouldn't just be like that. We're testing the new light bulbs in the hallway. It's a new initiative. Is it The Godfather? Where he knows there's like his dad's in the hospital? What mob movie is it?

Is it The Sopranos? I think that's a few of them. Sopranos, just because I just watched it, I know that there's that part where there's someone in the hospital who they know is gonna get murdered. Yeah, so they have to get them out of there, but the hospital's weirdly empty. That's always kind of a spooky thing.

I watch a lot of crime drama shows and there's a very regular occurring thing of like someone sneaking to a hospital like pulling a doctor into the closet and putting on their doctor's coat and then going and like assassinating someone in the hospital. Yeah. I just don't. I have a lot of closets. Most doctors look like doctors. When you're at the hospital you're like, yeah that's a doctor. I think I know.

I'll tell you, hospitals are scary enough as it is, folks. I think hospitals are dank, dude. For real, with the food that they have in the cafeteria? Yeah, yeah. You're going to want to get slashed through the throat. Yeah, you think that's scary? Wait till you have to deal with the billing department. Oh, boy.

Also, a lot of people got their butts out. I don't know if you see the way these robes fit. A lot of butts. Fluids, needles. If you're a butt guy. That's actually right. Why are you here? I'm an ass man.

I'm an ass man. I come down here to watch. I'm an ass man. And my child has whooping cough. Those are the two reasons. Get that Tdap vaccine, unless you're also an ass man. Putussus. Patuckus, more like it.

Did you hear it? Did you hear Patukus? Very nice. Making sure. Yeah. Time for your third pick. All right, third pick, I'm going with the cop who has seen this before.

Oh. Oh yeah. I like that one. Classic. I think I'm thinking of the Halloween's Will Patton's character in the newer Halloweens. Yeah, he's really, they're wheeling him out in each one of those and he's just sorta like. It's cause I love Will Patton as character in the newer Halloween's. Yeah, he's really, they're wheeling him out in each one of those and he's just sorta like. It's cause I love Will Patton as a character actor.

I always have, I think he's fantastic. Like remember the Titans? He's just such a good character actor. But yeah, it's in Freddy too, where they're like, they tell the cops and they're like, no, we don't say his name anymore. Cause they all know what's up. So that shit's fun to me, because then they have like a blueprint

for how they should handle it. Of course it doesn't go that way, but. Yeah. That's why you pay the 12 bucks. There's like an established code that they are suppressing some information. Yeah. It's David Arquette in the Scream movies too, right?

It's kind of the cop who's seen this before. Yeah, every, yeah. I mean, that's like, they, you know, they've all kind of seen it before in this, but him specifically where he's like, you know, yes, I've been around, I mean that's like they you know they've all kind of seen it before in this but him specifically where he's like, you know Yes, I've been around I've handled this I'll come in and I'll die and I'll die. It's been too long since I've seen them

But does that happen in the later critters movie is there guys like fucking critters again? Fucking critters Fucking critters talking about silverfish though. See this shit. It's a fucking critters. I'll tell you what it is, it's these fucking critters. He's talking about silverfish though. I've seen this shit, it's the fucking critters. For all you kids out there, a lot of kids listening to this podcast. Critters, correct me if I'm wrong. They came out of the toilet, right?

Was that when critters came out of? No, critters, there was another, there was like a critters knockoff that came out of the toilet. They were like- Shitters, that was shitters. That's what you said about shitters full. Yeah, shitters full. Sh is like a critters knockoff that came out of the toilet. They were like shitters That was shit. Are you saying my shitters full? Yeah, shitters full Sheers full of critters. I just wanted to get the Instagram clip. There it is You guys keep talking I'm gonna try to look up what the critters knockoff was the Critters boy. I can't believe there's a movie called critters. Look at these guys. They're fucking critters, too

They're truly great furry little balls with the big like big mouths big teeth and man that Walsh to up in there yeah, they were like basketball sized and After gremlins hit people were like this is what people want little guy The knockoff was gullies and I think the gooey ones Goolies more like coolies Stoolies please we're talking about doctors. We're gonna say the clip just got better look at that Incredible yeah, I would like a cop who's seen that before oh I flushed that before he got ass murdered? I think it's a ghoulish.

Yes, that's what I'm talking about. Look at that thing. That looks like that shit that Jared had to take. I like the- The ghoulish. The director's sending the design back. His shoulders are too wide. He would never fit through the plumbing.

Make them smaller. And you know why they're in the toilet, right? The bathroom is built on an Indian burial toilet. Yeah. They were burying poop in it. That's it. Ceremonial. Zach, time for your third pick.

I'm going to go with a real classic. And this, I think, is very similar. I think it really builds on Sean's last pick, which is the guy, the old guy who warns teens not to go in there. Oh yeah. And I think the Harbinger, I mean, this is one of the first, yeah, cabin in the woods, it's in like everything, but it is sort of one of the first stories Nate and I wrote at a lot of that idea.

It also is like the pet cemetery. This is what Jed Crandall does. Basically he's like, I'm going to show you the pet cemetery. This is what Jed Crandall does basically He's like I'm gonna show you the pet cemetery But I'm also gonna warn you never to do the thing that you definitely are gonna do in the pet cemetery I'm gonna show him I'm gonna I'm gonna devolve so much information that the wheels are turning in your head of what you will you have to do You have to go get your kid. It's such an insane thing where you like well Yeah, of course I'm going, dude.

There's nothing you could say that would make me not go. You could say you can go trade your life for your kids. I mean, in a heartbeat, you'd go, again, very serious podcast. I know you started off joking, but I wanted to get very serious. No, I appreciate that. And say I would die for my daughter. You're welcome.

I like the idea that you guys do two edits of the podcast and you just release them in their different names. Change, change. We got the serious one. Yeah, I love, also, you know, maybe I'm just a fan of character actors and I like seeing, as a guy who's an aging man in Hollywood, I love seeing an old guy book.

This is a great place to get your Richard Jenkinses in there, your aforementioned M. Emmett Walsh's. They're like a guy, yeah. It's the perfect place for old character actors. You love it. Show me that creepy stone face and give me, and just back up that exposition truck. I wanna hear the beep, beep, beep.

I want you to dump it out. Yeah. And still having great roles for actors who have kind of aged out of the business. Yeah. And also it still allows you to book all your young hotties who are going to get sliced and diced by whatever ghouls you got going and creeping. It's funny to think in like 40 years, like Joe Jonas being like, I wouldn't go in there

if I were you. Whoa, Joe Jonas. Yeah, somebody will be building houses on us long after that happens, long before that Whoa, Joe Jonas. Yeah, somebody will be building houses on us long after that happens, long before that happens. We're gonna haunt those fucking houses. I look forward to haunting. Yeah, what do you guys think?

You guys are gonna haunt? You're gonna hang? Are you gonna not walk toward the light so you can do some haunting? I'm haunting. This house is built on an ancient TikTok or burial ground. Yeah, I wanna ride over your ride. I wanna say, I did to ride over the ride.

I did get to do one haunting thing as an actor, and this is worth mentioning because it ties into this, is I booked us a very tiny role on the show, Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother, where I was in, they were going through a haunted house, and my whole thing is I waited in the back seat of a car, which is where they ended their like little relay. And so basically one celebrity at a time

would go through this haunted house and they would make it all the way through part of their competition. They'd sit in the front seat of the car and hop before him. And that's when they were done. And then I got to scare them from the back seat and I got to scare them from the backseat. And I got to scare Joey Lawrence. And I got to see his hairline up close and personal.

And I got to tell you, it delivered. Oh no. You have it. Incredible. Did he sex himself? He was actually like way too cool for school. And he definitely did like a jump and then he was like, Oh, whatever. Tom Green was cool as hell.

He just jumps, he's like, fuck you, bro. Get out of the car, bro. I was like sort of, every now and then I book a thing and I'm like, if I get hurt, I make more money than the day rate. So like if a celebrity hits me, I'm like, golden. I'm like all the CBS lot, if I get hit by Joey Lawrence, I'm going away with like a big old chick. That's why when we were at the Late Late Show, I just kept trying to piss off the actors.

Fuck you, Christoph Waltz. Every bit I did, I'd just be fucking poking them. Dropping their phones in the toilet right in front of them. You think you're a big man. Excellent pick. Nate, time for your third pick. Okay, third pick. It's not really a spooky trope, but it's a trope I love.

Is that whenever there's a horror movie that takes place on Halloween, which is most of them, the monster or the killer or whatever will just be kind of out and about and everyone will be like, sick costume, bro. love that costume dude and and it's just it's just a little bit of fun you can have yeah i love it uh it it happens in monsters does it not happen in monster squad with wolfman where someone thinks it's like a guy dressed up like wolfman it's one of my favorites if you guys don don't know Monster Squad. Yeah, that's for sure in Monster Squad. Yeah. And that's why like, look, if you wanted to rob a bank or a store in Los Angeles, just set up a camera crew outside of it and then same concept.

And they go rob it. Like, oh, they're filming a movie. Whoa, good actors. Wow. Yeah, nobody would call anybody. Yeah, they just kind of gather around and just be like taking little photos. I wonder what movie, I can't wait to wonder when this movie's gonna come out. I also love on Nate's pitch,

I think it's funny when, A, when they think it's a costume, but also when it's someone like an old person who just thinks that person's a freak. They're just like freaks, the freaks of this town. The whole world's going to shit They're just like freaks. The freaks of this town. It's the stage. The whole world's going to shit.

It's Godzilla walking by. Yeah, it's a kid. With their bill bottom jeans. The Japanese. They're destroyed, they're ruining our neighborhoods. Stepping on all the buildings. This is what Brett Baier was talking about. These Godzilla's steppin' on houses.

That were my third and fourth picks. With my third pick, I'm going to take, I love how real scary dudes don't run. That will just like. Yeah. It is terrifying, dude. They just walk quickly I guess? Or they just, they know routes?

Okay. Again bringing up it follows. Like. Yeah. Just. Can I hit you with one? You ever seen Hobo with a shotgun? Yeah. So I forget what they call him, the plague.

There's these two dudes that are dressed like robots pretty much. But they walk into a dark hospital and they're moving slow and they're like Terminator. They just can't be stopped and it scares me every single time I see it. Just moving slow but you're like, no one's safe. It's so fucked up. It's where everyone else is running,

everyone else is panicked. They're just walking. Obviously like Jason is one of the classic examples of this but it follows. It's in so many other movies. And then they just show up places. obviously like Jason is one of the classic examples of this, but it follows, it's in so many other movies. And then they just show up places, and that's scary too, where they're like, they know your house better than you.

And that's really the power of editing. And I don't know if you knew how they did that, is that what they do is they cut, and they'll move the actor close. Yeah, they cut, he's got a fricking machete, of course he cuts. Cut them right in the middle, as soon as he catches up to them. I, they cut, he's got a fricking machete. Cut some right now, man. No, no, no, no, no. Cut slices. I didn't even say he lops.

Yeah, Michael Myers is a great slow guy. He's a great slow guy. You want him slow. Mike Myers is a quick guy. Quick guy. I noticed it. I'm gonna make a YouTube expose video where I'm just like, this villain was only walking at this rate of speed

and this person, there's no way they would have caught up in time. So don't even worry about it. was only walking at this rate of speed, and this person, there's no way they would've caught up. So don't even worry about it. Fraud, just a picture of your face, and then Michael Myers, fraud. Debunked. Michael Myers debunked. Another Hollywood lie.

You just do such a serious expose on it. We know that from the grownup movies that are, they're all part of the same universe as we've established. My fourth pick I'm going to go with, um, I with, tell me if this is too broad, but I love ancient lore, like when something is tied to, so like Indian Barrel Ground is one way, but also like the Necromonicon. The Book of the Dead. The Book of the Dead.

Yeah, I love it. There's a talisman that is- Yes! Ugh. I love it. When it's just sort of a weird, just weird history lore kind of thing. I think what I love about that is it's about something, all of a sudden it's about something I don't understand.

So that I could maybe believe it and be scared by it. And I'm like, oh, I actually don't know what the fuck this is. Right, you're like, well, I have no idea what the Celts were up to. Maybe the Celts were off in this fucked up shit like this. Jesus, what do they do? Yeah.

Do you think in like 10 years time, all the ancient lore is gonna be like, there was this meme 20 years ago? It was a cat who wanted a cheeseburger. The cheeseburger murders. They're just screaming. I do think it's a- They say Charlie's still out there biting fingers. I would do like, where are they now finding out that all these people have

been murdered? If like, why hasn't he posted again? We've never seen that apparently news kid since he released that video. They fit the one thing that all these murders have in common is they find a turtle right by the corpse. Does anyone like turtles? Does anyone remember the grape fall lady? Oh, that's so good.

That, her as like the villain and just being like chased by... Uh, uh, uh. Truly I'll say that is like the only type of like mega production like scary movie level that I would pitch which is just like we're bringing out all the meme hits and we're gonna kill them. They will all die in a way that is appropriate. you hear it's too late. She's killing everyone who laughed at that meme. So far she's had 2.5 billion people.

Her head list, she's just scrolling forever and ever. I would say proof that I'm a good guy. I've Googled to find out if she's okay and she's okay. She's okay. She's okay. Job. Nathan for your fourth pick. Okay.

My fourth pick is when there's like a couple being murdered in a bedroom in a house where tons of other people are there and everyone just like, oh, they're having some wild sex up there. Love that one. Yeah, what's going on? Well, Jason's going hard in the pain up there. Yeah, I do feel like that is very big in like every, uh, every like sleepaway camp where people are getting very murdered. You're like, well, I don't know. I guess, I guess Bonzo is really getting his rocks off.

But it's also just like, like the person just doesn't yell help at all. Like, cause that'd be really fucked up. There's like, Oh, she's just, look at that. Listen to him yelling help. Even better in those movies. If that person thinks they're about to get sex, where they hear like the door open, they're like, I knew you'd change your mind Sandy. That's a great Freddie one, there's always like someone thinks they're about to have sex.

That's what, if you're ever getting murdered by a spooky ghost or a demon or something, you need to yell out, I'm not having sex make sure to do that this is what I sound like when I'm doing it but this is not one of those times yeah I know why you think I was having sex it does I know I know this much you gotta yell out you gotta yell out anybody want to watch and then you'll get people coming into the room. And then, yep. That's a good move. Come on in, show's free. Excellent pick. Zach. All right, I saved my fourth pick.

I'm gonna go with, and this is because I grew up really Catholic. I like a movie that is heavily based in Catholicism, where the priest doesn't really believe it anymore, but suddenly is scared into believing Catholicism is real. I do think that's the only thing that will bring me back to the church is if I'm a horrified in some way, like with, I get a stigmata or something. The actual devil. Yeah.

I think I basically them finding out the devil is real and that they have to really believe this I think that's the one Trigger in my race Catholic boy brain that really scares the hell out of me. Have you seen the Pope's exorcist? I haven't yet. It's on my list for this month. It's it's got a little bit of that in it It's great. I hear it's dumb as hell. It's so it's Russell Crowe is the it plays an Italian guy It's dumb as hell. It's so it's Russell Crowe is the it plays an Italian guy All these Cardinals who are like like like just very skeptical of him, but he is the Pope's personal exorcist So he gets them. It's it's perfect keeps one a crash late career Russell Crowe Yeah, I got every Tuesday get an exorcism Yeah, it's a big part of like Salem's lot is like that's part of like the book itself

Like you have this like basically a wino priest who is like, I don't really believe this anymore Kind of checked out just the real testing of the face and then all of a sudden he's like, oh my god Not only are not only do I believe it vampires are free And my faith might be the only thing that can stop them. Do we have like a Jewish version of that? Is it like, your mother was right. You should have never gotten a tattoo. Somebody is too skinny, they actually have any of that.

They fall through like a grate. No, you know what it is? It's the movie, the movie thinner. It is thinner, thinner is the Jewish mother was right. That's awesome. That's what first reform could have used was actually just the devil showing up. You would think we would have a documented case

of like how rampant was like Stig Mata and stuff before we had recording devices? Was it happening like a lot?igmata and stuff before we had recording devices was it happening like a lot and then as soon as we got recording devices are like shit man devil's not sure about man I talked about the radio frequencies that is cuz cuz devil's just playing Candy Crush and he's addicted to his phone like the rest of us or she's not doing shit anymore or she oh man I'm three more levels away from Platinum status. The devil sounds weak, dude. He's real, get my charger. Well, I love a muppet devil.

Punch in and crunch in, making Jewel smash. Sean, time for your fourth and then your final picks in a lightning round. Spooky lightning round. I'm going to, my fourth pick, I'm picking a stairway, like a stairwell that you shouldn't go down, but you do anyways. Barbarian is the impetus for this, like it's so good, but just like,

if you haven't seen Barbarian, this impetus for this. It's so good, but just like, if you haven't seen Barbarian, this isn't really a spoiler, but they go, there's like the basement, then the room, then the next set of stairs, and it's just a cave. And I know they call attention to it where she's like, what are we doing, but then she goes. And, well, they also get one of the funniest bits out of it too, is what he's like.

Oh yeah, with Justin Long. Justin Long what he's like. Oh yeah with uh. Justin Long. Justin Long where he's measuring the room and just. Like whoa my property is way more valuable than I thought it was. Yeah that is so that is where he's just measuring that crazy torture room. One of the funniest and best will recently pass. It really is. It really blew my mind.

It really scared the shit out of me. Shout out to Zach Craigor. Recently past it really is Shit out of me Zag kreger, I mean the whitest kids that you know, just pulling out surprise after surprise. Yeah Incredible Williams South Dakota boy. We love them. We love Timmy in this house in this house We believe that Timmy Williams is a saint. Yeah And he is he is the whitest kid. You'll know I'll tell you that And he is the whitest kid you'll know, I'll tell you that. Truly. He is a pretty white dude. Just like on Pure, holding up paint swatches to him,

that guy is pretty white. Yeah, and every time someone goes down those stairs, it's the, why are you doing that? Don't go down there, what are you doing? What are you doing, what are you doing? And I like being set up, this is like big in like, I think like the Conjuring movies, like there's always just like an attic or a basement

that you're just like, what do you, don't go. That's the place we don't go. Never in a million years. I used to get scared to go down at Cathedral when the few times I went to church, we'd have this giant cathedral downtown in Sioux Falls. And just the stairs into the, for some reason the bathroom was in the boiler room,

but you had to go back, you had to go past these stairs and pass like nine graphic, like Nativity crucifixion scene situations. It was just terrifying. And that was like in a public place that was open. And I was still scared. This is probably the one that like, other than the keys jangling, the one that like I think about the most in my daily life, like anytime I'm going into a like downstairs into a basement, I'm like, oh man. I still don't like it. I still run up the stairs and I look behind me like if the basement's dark and I'm coming up the stairs,

I'm always uncomfortable doing it. I know, I still think as a kid, I would always take the last step to the top a little quicker. Yeah, excellent. And a lightning round, everyone just says your final pick. Sean, do you have? My last pick is usually the beginning of a horror movie,

but I'm picking a fresh start. Someone moves to a new town just to leave it all behind. Oh. Love a fresh start. They're just moving to a new town. And they didn't leave it behind. Yeah, yeah. It catches up with them.

They just got out of a marriage, everything's rough, we're gonna move to this small town, and then all of a sudden Beetlejuice shows up. Yeah. I'm going to see the sequel tonight, I'm excited. Exciting. Oh, good on you, man. Let me text you afterwards.

I got a lot of work. There's a chance I see it tonight as well. So far, my wife and I are the only two in the theater, so we'd love to see you in there. Get a seat right behind them, please. Yeah, and the whole time I'm gonna be like, bleh. And watch the movie before you go until you can tell them what's happening.

This is fucked up. Just out loud. Everything that's gonna happen, Taffy's like, dude, watch this, watch this. That shit, can I just go off on a tangent? When you're watching a movie with somebody who's seen it and right before something gnarly happens, they're like, dude, you gotta watch.

And you're like, I was. I wasn't gonna shut my arm and watch it. And that also ruins the surprise because that is basically saying there's gonna be a surprise. Where they laugh before something funny and you're like, fuck you. I used to watch Game of Thrones with a group of people

and I had read the books so while the series was still in the books, the people who read the books would know when a big moment was coming and just sort of be watching everyone. So they would be like, wait, why is everyone looking at me right now? I was like, no reason.

Just a nice wedding, nothing to do with that. I will say the Red Wedding episode, our brother, our buddy Hammy, he had read the books and the Red Wedding episode, we weren't really paying that much attention and he paused it and he's like, hey, I'm gonna need you to just like watch the episode. He's like, don't get up or anything. He didn't do it right before paused it and he's like, hey, I'm gonna need you to just like watch the episode. He's like, don't get up or anything.

He didn't do it right before it, but he's like, will you please just stop and just pay attention to watch this, you'll appreciate it. Okay, that's good. And then I did, I had a boner the whole time. Exactly, your final words. I will say this follows on Sean's just suggestion of a boner the whole time.

I wanna talk about the idea of a succubus. The idea that an evil female demon could sneak into my bedroom or our main character's bedroom and seduce them and have their way with them while they're sleeping. You know, this is sort of like Jennifer's body. There's a couple of them. But I think it ties into something that I want to mention that I did mention to my wife was that I would Do it and it ain't cheating It ain't cheap and I told my wife dead on I was like if a succubus

Snuck in in my room and I made love to this it's a demon or whatever as like that ain't a real woman They I I had I actually had a succubus for a while and I was just like, this has been going on for a while, like when are you gonna be a succubus? And I'm like, come on. Dan Aykroyd in Ghostbusters, he's getting a knobber from that ghost. I didn't know that when I was a kid. And then you watch an adult, you're like, she's blowing him. I've only ever had a friend do this. When you nut, but they keep succubus. Does it just float like you're on the moon?

Where does it go? TfW. It is. I mean, like, if succubi were real, I don't think men would exist anymore, right? No. Everybody would sign up for it. I mean, it's a wash dude. I do think that it's a there's just that I think in movies I do think that since I was like of age anytime there

was a possessed hottie that has sex with like just a random dude I'm like oh boy what would I do? I mean this guy's just sleeping. You can't do anything wrong. And your hands are clean. It's just a hottie. A hottie with a demon body. Also like, they could even be like, hey, they could even ask for consent. A psychabst could be like, hey, I'm gonna have sex with you and then I'm gonna kill you.

And then be like, yeah, I mean, yeah, this is fine. Just be quiet. That's your cultural background. I don't have to wear a condom. I don't want anyone. I don't want anyone I don't want to you know, not support women. So we gotta do it. Yeah, let's go every way I've got a lot of guys aren't cool about this. That's Yeah different. I'm not like the other guys Uh nate time for your final pick. All right, my final one. It's a classic that still scares me every time

Is the misdirect scare? Where someone's like walking towards the closet and the music's like creeping in like And then they open the closet and there's nothing in there then goes silent And then it's like a relief and then they turn around and something's right there Yeah They close the closet and that's where like the spooky thing and then they turn around and something's right there. Yeah, they close the closet, and that's where like the spooky thing is. And you know every single time,

like when there's nothing in the closet, it's like, oh, it's gonna be right behind them. And it still scares the shit out of me. Every single time. Every time, it's so good. Yeah, I will say true. Like it's kind of messed up what they do with music and movies, they're tricking us constantly.

It's emotional manipulation and it has to stop. It's emotional manipulation. That's to stop. It's emotional manipulation. That's why if I watch a horror movie, subtitles are on, music off. Mute. And I just like. I listen to a podcast. I listen to this podcast.

And I recommend everybody do the same. Watch it on mute with the subtitles. Be like, gosh. I wanna see the integrity. Yeah, it really surprised me. Show don't tell. Yeah. That's a great pick.

My final pick, I like when there's a funny guy and like, you know, early on in the movie, there's usually a funny guy, oftentimes a fat funny guy. And then at some point the movie's like, all right, he's dead, now it's serious. You know, like that's like usually a point where like, okay, you got your comic relief in,

we got like two or three minutes of that He's dead now. It's time to get down to the real scary business But they give you just a little bit they give you just a little bit of scary funny guy Yeah, that act one you need the act one humor that's why I love in in scream when they like use like the the the video tapes to bring back Jamie Kennedy because like We needed this funny guy back. So that was the missing piece. Yeah.

A little bit more. Yeah. Hell yeah. The stoner, the stoner is funny. A lot of times they just get killed in like a stoner way. Isaac, do you have a pick? Yeah, I don't really watch a lot of horror movies, but I do enjoy the trope. You still have to read our book.

I still have to read your book. Of course. Of course. I like it when read your book, of course. I like it when there's an unexplained noise, like either in the house or around, then it's just like off-screen, you just hear it first. Like the grapes all lady. Uh-oh!

I think she's having sex. It's alright. I'm not having sex! Or you hear some having sex, like like, oh they're just stopping grapes. I'll walk around with a knife. That happens to this day. I'll walk around the hole. I'll secure the perimeter at my own crib.

Do you hear something? Oh yeah. I will. I've done it. I've done it in the last couple months. A lot of creepy sounds in movies. I like when there's a skitter. Like there's just sort of like a little shuffle of feet.

Like little... You're like no It's funny now cuz I'm just like goddamn mice Yeah, I got really do I will say living in New York didn't know me to some of those sounds where I just Instead of scared yeah fuckers Excellent picks all around to recap Sean we drafted a horror a horror movie tropes, and you went first, you took the bathroom mirror. Somebody sees something spooky in the bathroom mirror.

A dark hospital, a cop who has seen this before, a stairwell you shouldn't go down, and a fresh start. Zach, you went second. You took Indian burial grounds, the spooky kid, an old guy saying, don't go in there, a priest scared back into believing. And suck your butts. Nate, you went third.

You took the reason the cell phone doesn't work. When the body is gone, people think that the monster is a costume. When somebody's getting murdered and everyone else thinks they're just boning really hard. And then the misdirect scare. I went last and I took fumbled keys. when somebody's getting murdered and everyone else thinks they're just boning really hard. And then the Mr. X scare. I went last and I took fumbled keys when the scary thing is just kind of there and they don't cut to it.

Bad dudes who don't run, lore and when the funny guy gets killed. Yeah, man. I'm proud of us. We left off like- You too. Yeah, I had a list. We left off the big ones that they address

and scream and stuff. That's why I was talking to Laura last night. Yeah. Like, it's fun to stay away from the, you know, the big ones that they address and scream and stuff. That's why I was talking to Laura last night. Yeah. Like, it's fun to stay away from those, you know? I also had a list of like extra ones in case some of mine got taken and I didn't like, I didn't even get to the list. There was no crossover. No.

The fact that I still got to say suck you by, thank you guys for that. Yeah, of course. Because now I get something to think about when I click off this Zoom. Oh, don't click off. No need to click off. Yeah, just change the channel, baby. That's true. I'll keep the recording.

The audio I send Isaac will include me just going like, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh no. Don't do that. Oh no. That's how the devil really talks. Dude, a friend of mine made one time he made a how-to video on YouTube. He's since taken it down.

It was just, it was a how to like make like a homemade ice cream sandwich. And that was it. And it was just like a very straightforward how-to, showed you how to do it. And he's like, thanks for watching. And then he leaves camera. And then there's like several minutes of silence. And then you just hear him jacking off. And the comments on it were, people were so horrified. They were like, because again, everyone, there was no indication that this was a comedian

or anything was going to go awry. And it was just people trying to learn how to make an ice cream sandwich and they learned how to do it. And then it was just like, don't watch this video, it's disgusting. No. He's having his third kid, he's like, I gotta take that down, I think. Yeah, no, he's got two kids now.

That's just one of my follow-up tropes that I didn't get to, which is found footage, and that's a great example. Yeah. That is, yeah. Well, we wanna hear yours. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone, the AFE Patreon,

where we have live episodes, mailbag episodes, auction drafts, video episodes, and of course, Isaac's tasteful Halloween-themed nudes. You'll never guess where the pumpkin is. Pumpkin spice butthole over here. Pumpkin spice. You heard me. Shout out to everyone, the AFE subreddit.

Shout out to mega producer, Isaac Lee. On the ones and twos. Yeah. I've heard super producer on too many other podcasts. So I've decided you're a mega producer because you're better than all their producers. I love it. Mega producer.

Shout out to Saint Sue Carmel. Shout out to Scary Stories to make you scared of stories presented by the Boo Boys. Available wherever books are sold. Wherever books are sold. Shout out to Frankie Ojean, shout out to Sid The Dude, shout out to Hajimeets, and more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode

of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clack-ity. Yeah. Yeah. Shalay-ly, pronounced Shalay-ly. Shalay-ly. Shalay-lyackity. Yeah. Yeah. Shalaylee. Pronounced Shalaylee. Shalaylee. Shalaylee-kitty. That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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