All Fantasy Everything - Hors D'oeuvres (w/ Allen Strickland Williams, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: May 24, 2018

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that had itself a freaking weekend and is now recording maybe five days later than originally anticipated. But it's going to fucking fill the goodie bag up with treats and drop it off down your chimney. I'm a Jew and not super familiar with Christmas. Anyway, it's going to fucking fill the goodie bag up with treats and drop it off down your chimney. I'm a Jew and not super familiar with Christmas. Anyway, it's that podcast. You're Jewish? 100% Bar Mitzvahed and everything. That's crazy.

Earliest we got to it. Yeah, that was it. I mean, I was in South Dakota all weekend. Had to bring that up since you brought up being a Jew. Are you from South Dakota? Yeah, I was born and raised. Oh, weird. Would have made you for a Pierre Pierre North Dakota man. Pizza rolls!

Yeah, nah. Catchphrases. I want a thing, too. Well, you got several things. I wanted a new one, though. You just screamed pizza rolls? Pizza rolls! What's up, ladies? Pizza rolls? I didn't think about it. I didn't think it through. I didn't think it through. That's tight. That's good, yeah. I'm thrilled about it. You want to align yourself with him.

Yeah, man, if I could get in on pizza... Oh, damn. Cuddy Stark is turning out to maybe be a dry well. Yeah. Which is fucking crazy, dude. Alan, you can talk whenever, by the way. Oh, great. Well, I will introduce you.

You don't have to if you don't want to. You can pick your spots. But it's not one of those ones where we talk for like half an hour and then. No, get in. And then you have to sit there quietly. Like Cuddy Stark's WTF you. No. those ones where we talk for like half an hour and then no get in and you have to sit there quietly w2f you know well you know uh talk about cuddy stark you know i got i got nola's gin to send me a bottle of gin with my name on it did you really see well that how and how hard did you ride for them online pretty hard you know all i did was i did a another podcast i did jeff bonhoeffer's

as a tragedy podcast i don't know if we're allowed to talk about other. Oh yeah. Do we know? Yeah. Do we, do we have the audience? Yeah. There we go. Once they've, once you've listened to all of all fantasy,

everything and every other head gun podcast, then you can go listen. You can step outside. So he, he, he makes you bring a, he brings you talk about a sponsor. So I chose that.

They're my favorite gin. And, uh, he posted about it. They found out about it i think i retweeted it or something and then voila i still haven't opened it yet because i i want i'm waiting for something good to happen in my life before i do it and it's been about seven months i have a bottle of champagne like that my my manager got me when we recorded the pilot for my comedy central

show sure and it remains uncorked. Sure. Or corked. Whatever. Well, hey, if things get really bad, let's just mix all this gin and champagne together. Yeah. Hopefully somebody has some pills they got for the comedy they were waiting for. Yeah, some pills. I'm in. That could be next Saturday. Speaking of weekends.

Oh my God, that was this most recent Saturday. Yeah. For Sherboy in Wisconsin over here What'd you do? Oh shit, I just spilled iced coffee on my computer Oh shit, oh shit What a sexy amount It's that kind of podcast

It's sexy amount Hey don't worry, it's decaf Marissa ran out of the room And I imagine she went to get some emergency wipe I assume she's sprinting back to Canada but you can't believe she got in this deep with this band of morons it would be funny if she brought in creamer just poured it all over your computer

you're an angel thank you shout out to Super Producer Marissa now and always on the ones and twos and threes and fours and fives and sixes as we saw in that video. I had no idea what a challenge we were. We're quite the audio challenge.

And it's your fault, Sean. We'll get into it later. It is me. I'm the unpredictable one, David, aren't I? That's how I've always felt about you. I know the way that your weekend started on Friday, at least. Yes, yes. I just want to let the listeners know the Emmy nomination machine is safe and in good

working order. Yeah. It started when I went to the LCD sound system concert. That's right. Were you guys both there? Oh yeah. Oh boy. We were there.

Alan was with Richard Bain and they both, you, Alan, you were constantly looking dapper and amazing. Well, Richard, our friend friend yeah comedian man about town i i was on the phone when he got to my apartment so i said hey finish i was working that day i cut offs and a tank top i go out richard's wearing a damn fresh dipped seer sucker suit so i go well all right i guess i'm gonna change yeah i had a great time. You had to step. And you looked great as well. You looked great as well.

Thank you very much. I was doing whatever it was I could. But you two, a vision. I saw him later in the night. I can imagine. But I took some concert fuel. Some concert enhancer. Some concert enhancer.

I put in some headphones. Yeah. Yeah. A couple headphones. Well, you don't drive to Vegas with no gas. Absolutely. You got to get there. How do you think we got to the moon baby yes stanley kubrick and a backlot in the studio uh just coming out soft as a moon landing denier but uh yeah it was a great concert the yayay is amazing the ball yeah just The fucking Hollywood bowl. Nothing better.

The first summer-ass day of summer, too. Yeah, it was so nice. There was a breeze. It was so nice Friday. It was perfect. I ended up over... Not your place. Your neighbor's place. Neighbors, yeah.

Up until about 2, 3 in the morning. That's not bad. That's not bad for a Friday and a concert. And a concert. I think it might have been 2 a.m. Hawaii time. Yeah, it might have been. We were surfing away, so it was appropriate.

So that was... So that's Friday to Saturday. That's Friday to Saturday. Saturday recovery in the early part of the day but then it's young the gs island's birthday last saturday birth uh by the when you hear this two saturdays ago but uh we went to we went to the smokehouse in brabant there's a bunch of photos on the counter yeah so they like provided photos well they knew that we deserved to be commemorated yeah i don't

think they were taking photos of every table. Oh, shit. They could tell it was a moment for us. Yeah, they saw us, they said. Because it was good lighting. They bought a camera. They bought a camera. They're right across from WB.

They get it. They get it. They get how that whole thing works. They saw my teal pants and they said, let's get this on film. They did see your teal pants. And they knew. You had teal pants on? I found my chain. Yeah. I saw that. In in my room which is a great way to start a saturday great way to start a saturday

great way to start a summer it had been lost since last summer yeah i feel like it made itself found i think it was gone i think it was on the i think it was on like south america like boys of summer just chasing it style endless summer yeah and then it came back here when on the first day of actual summer it came back here and then we just i brought some concert fuel in my pocket to the bar some bar some bar enhancements maybe someone would want one i ended up taking all of it many bibles you're talking many bibles we also man i packing it in we had a lot of martinis at dinner we had a lot of martinis at dinner. We had a lot of martinis at dinner. You did the craziest shit.

Yo, Ian did the craziest shit. I love a nice martini. He got a martini and he was like, alright, so I'm going to need another one in ten minutes. I did that thing? Yeah, yeah. Nice. It called for it. They were taking a little while to get out and the buzz was dipping a little too much in betwixt.

No, I understand. It's taking a little while to get out, and the buzz was dipping a little too much in betwixt. No, I understand. It's such a classic yet party animal move. Yeah. It paints you in the light of a gentleman, but also like a party animal, which is fine. It's a fun- I took care of our old boy on the back end of the tour. Which is what we all are. We're all good, sure.

Pretty mellow party animals. If you're going to pull that, you got to, and I did. No, there was like, I don't know how many of you, I had four or five martinis with dinner. I heard Zacula got himself some lobster. Zacula did get himself some lobster. On my birthday, Zach got steak and lobster. And if you know if it's less than 10 people, I'm going to pick up the bill. So he had to know.

He did pay me back for the lobster, but like. He came in saying he was like, we sat down and he was like, I think I'm going to do steak and lobster. Yeah. You can't decide that 10 minutes. He called his shot. We just got here before the, the director pause.

I hit that day. Pointing to the aquarium. Like he's winking at him. Hey buddy, what are you going home with? I'm going to turn you into poop. Oh, there you go.

Yeah. Gross. I think Saturday during the day I went to a Catherine Spears. We know Catherine Spears, food critic, writer. Been on the podcast. She had a little birthday and so I had about

nine margaritas at her place to celebrate. Absolutely. Before the sun went down. I went over to the Virgil and then I don't to the Virgil. And then I don't really remember what happened too much after that. Sure.

You're not supposed to. We might have ended up at the same place because I don't know. But sooner or later, I found my way back to my home, the drawing room. The place where one time at 7 a.m. the bartender referred to me. Or not the bartender. The bouncer outside said, good morning, Mr. Williams. I go, oh, boy. What a fine morning it is, sir. Yes, I'll be having a drink as it is morning.

That's how you bring your alcoholism in in a briefcase situation. How long is the drawing room closed? From when to when? When does it close? long um but it's no it's yeah it's i guess two to two to seven now i think they now they open at 7 a.m but i heard that they're talking about doing a pilot program down here where they tell four are doing the two unnecessary have that i want it no i say yes i say yes illinois has bars open till four and it is. But they're all the way over there.

Yeah. It is nice for us because like if we get out of a show at midnight or whatever. Yeah. Or like even flying in late. Honestly, if I want to go grab a drink. Like if you guys are out and I get in late on a set, it's happened. Yeah. It's happened to all of us.

Yeah. That would be fun. I just, I'm not worried about us. I'm worried about the other, the kind of asshole that stays out till four. You are the kind. We're not assholes. We're not assholes. We're not assholes.

Exactly. I get worried about the kind of person who's just like, at two they suck. What are they going to be like at four? Although, I don't know. Marissa, was I an asshole on Saturday? Okay, I was not an asshole. See? I couldn't tell.

I had to knock on Zach's door on Sunday morning and be like, do I have to apologize to anyone? For what? You were great. Okay, good. For what? I don't know. Everybody had to knock on Zach's door on Sunday morning and be like, do I have to apologize to anyone? Oh, no, you're great. Okay, good. For what? I don't know. Everybody's having a great time. And vino veritas, my friend. If you're not an asshole in real life, you're not going to be when you're drunk.

Thank you, Bobby. It's just true. I don't know if that's true either. I think it's very true. Sometimes it lands cream cheese down. That's all I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Look, I can do bad all by myself

how was uh how was screw falls screw falls was dank boise was dank shout out to the fans that came out and people brought us cross stitching is that the right word yeah it was oh my god dave you gotta see something you'd hang up at grandma's house, man. What's a cross? Oh, my God. Somebody make. You know, pancakes for the table. And bean burritos, no onions. Bean burrito, no onions. Yeah. Yeah. It says it, like in script.

And it's got like. But it's cross-stitched. Yeah, and then it's got like a cross-stitch little thing of pancakes, and then with a cross-stitch burrito. It's dank as shit, dude. That's a nice touch. Very nice. Super tight.

Boise was tight. They got alcohol in Boise, turns out. And a strip club that you have to keep all your clothes on at. Which, who needs? Super tight. Boise was tight. They got alcohol in Boise, turns out. And a strip club that you have to keep all your clothes on at, which who needs? Well, you have to keep your clothes on at every strip club, but the girls have to keep their clothes on. I'll tell you what, the dude that looked like Colonel Sanders, this guy laid two fucking pool cues across the table like an ex, shut it down, didn't let anybody play pool, and then he was just going getting dances in this.

They had a room where you could get private dances in the wide open. It was crazy. So it was a public thing. You could see it? Yeah. Yeah. So gross. And I can't stand strip clubs.

We just played pool the whole time. So that was one night in Boise. Sioux Falls was dope. Sister graduated college. Super tight. Mazel Tov. Mazel Tov. Turns out they got alcohol in Sioux Falls too. Yeah.

So they'll serve you. They don't care. They don't mind if you spend just shy of $100 at the bar you used to work at. How do you do that in South Dakota? Not one free drink.

You know what I mean? Like not one. Well, that's wild to me. But they know you're going to Hollywood. Yeah. You're going to Glendale. They got grain belts

over in the Cougars. Yeah, they got some grain belts. Yeah, they're nice. What's a grain belt? It's like a sweetie kind of wheat beer. It's pretty good actually. A lot of rumplemints, a lot of Sambuca.

Oh, what? A lot of Goldschlager. God, I was drinking Sambuca for some reason this weekend. We were playing bags. God, I was Midwest. We were playing bags, calling each other bud, taking rounds of Sambuca. Is it just that there's no horizon? Calling each other bud?

There's no hills? Do you need these weird liquors? Yeah, why would you be shooting Sambuca? It's a different culture. We always did green Mad Dog 2020 down in Northeast Florida. Yeah, but that tastes good. Might as well say Northeast Florida. Especially when it's your hot out.

Oh, yeah. You also know that MD- It does not stand for Mad Dog. I just found this out. Yeah, it stands for Manischewitz something. No, it's like someone's Douglas. It's someone's name. Mason Douglas or something.

Man Douglas. That's the guy's name. Oh, really? Mason Douglas or something. And so Mad Dog is something that's almost filled in. Kind of a nickname. Some genius thought of down in Florida. It's from Florida?

Some slum poet if you cut off a gator's head what pours out is mad dog 2020 just green mad dog dripping out old gator dripping out old gator over there now there is yeah yeah so yeah sioux falls was tight i was thrilled to be there but i'm very excited to be back. I missed you guys. I don't know if you could tell, but that guy who misses us is Sean Jordan himself. At Sean Jordan on Twitter. True story. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. Yuck. Fantastic.

This is coming out next week. Do you have anything to promote or declare, claim? Allegations to make? I'll be in Bloomington, Indiana at the end of May for the Limestone Comedy Festival. There it is. And still in talks. I just actually started talking to a special thing more today. We're nailing down Mississippi.

Nail it down. You know what's fucking funny? Huh? Is it might be wildly close to when Zach is in New York. Oh, yes, dude. Which we've been talking shit about. If that happens, I'll put my name on the bill with you. I'm going to do my best

to let that not happen, but he's going to listen to this before I tell him that it might be close to that. Yeah. And I bet he gets a little shiver of rage. Maybe he does an extra deadlift

if he's listening to this at the gym. Yeah. But something, you know. So, yeah, we might be across the street. David, you're invited. Two Live Crew's

going to be there. Oh, I'm in. Yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. Did you say Two Live Crew? Two Live Crew's going to be there. Okay. Bill Clinton's coming by. Two Live Crew's going be there Oh, I'm in Did you say Two Live Crew? Two Live Crew's gonna be there Bill Clinton's coming by Two Live Crew's gonna be there via satellite

Oh, so I told this story before But you know how I was saying in Sioux Falls That these friends of mine threw a show Yeah, I've never told you this sound They threw a show and they said that T-Pain was gonna be there They used certain verbiage to where So what they said Was on the flyer

it said United Ballers or whatever and then said invited guest T-Pain. Wait, wait, wait. United Ballers. United Ballers is what it said. Okay, that's what I thought. So the group is United Ballers and then it said invited guest T-Pain

very much implying that he would be there. Obviously didn't show up. Picture T-Pain on the flyer. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Basically, he was the flyer. And they kept everyone's money. So crazy. Was he in the state? No.

No, I don't even think he knew about it. Like, I think they fucking emailed him. Invited guests? That should be illegal. I know. But they did invite him. I guess they invited him. I mean, sure.

They did. They did. I went to a i went to a friend's birthday party one time and it was one of those just a huge house party it was down on mohawk right after sunset what wes van horn was there we know wes van horning's a comic alabama boy um he he we just were trying to start a bunch of rumors, because that's what you do when you're bordering on the edge of reality. And Wes's was great. He just spread a rumor that eventually did get spread around that, hey, I heard Mystical's going to be here.

See, that's the perfect kind of rumor, because you're like, he fucking might. I mean, why would Mike know him? What's Mystical doing that he wouldn't show up? Back in college, I did that at a house party. I told people Danny Glover was in the backyard. We were all in the front yard. And the reason that's believable is Danny Glover has a home in Oregon, and it's one of those things that everybody talks about.

They're like, you know Danny Glover lives here? Yeah. And then you're like, oh, he's at this college party? Maybe. He lives in Oregon? Yeah. People said he lived in my neighborhood in San Francisco. Well, maybe.

I'm sure he always- I think he's just from multiple homes. At Thanksgiving, this is at your house one year, a couple years ago, I just kept saying at the table that I heard that we were going to play Dirty Charades later. And then we just did. You got to play to see a man. Deception. That is the G is silent on the mic there.

Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. Yes. Not damn right. Anywhere to direct people to come see you? You know, I'm going to go back out. I just decided and started planning. I'm going back on tour like late, late summer. There it is.

Probably. So be in tune for those dates. Watch out. Across the country much like I did last summer. Watch out for detox. Watch out.

Watch out for detox. Retox. Retox. Maybe we meet you somewhere and do a live one of these. Oh yeah. I'm planning on integrating high planes into the tour.

Oh yes. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I guess we can say that because we've said it already. Yeah, look out for high planes. High planes. Fuck yeah. Got them stoked.. Oh, yeah. I guess we can say that because we've said it already. Yeah, look out for high planes. High planes. Fuck yeah.

Got them stoked. Yeah. But yeah, also I'm going to be in D.C. in like June. I don't know. I got some skills. A lot of comedy festival enhancer going to be going down in high planes.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Multiple kinds. I'm not ready for it. No, me neither. I'm not ready for Denver. I put a Bible in between my box spring and my mattress

just to sort of try to earn some goodwill. I'm going to go early, I bet. Are you going to go early? I bet. How early? You're going to go to Denver early? Like a day, because I don't like flying on the day of, so. Oh, yeah. Yeah, probably like a day, but. Careful, man. There's so many years that I was there a day early for high planes. Well, it's like Bridgetown. I got all

this bottled up Bridgetown fun that I need to get out. You could throw off your whole rhythm though. Get too fucked up on that first night when there's no festival? There's a thing with comedy festivals that doesn't do that. It never did it with Bridgetown, either. Now that the Sunday or Monday

after everything, that's rough. It's like how at a festival you can't really get too fucked up. Just the same way you can't get drunk in the daytime. You guys know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, I do.

Yeah. What? Yeah, yeah. Never. It's like dining alfresco there's no roof to hit you just keep going your poor dumb body doesn't even know what's going on bridgetown body is pretty is a pretty insane oh god you're just trying to get drunker yeah we all we all got an extra three years in our life because that didn't happen this year. That's probably why they did it. We would all start dying of natural causes somehow in our early 30s. I mean, that's literally like 100, 120 beers I didn't drink.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. At least. At least. A lot of those beers would have been weird, like hard cream ales. Yeah, like the strange. And like we're sponsoring it. Yeah, the the strange. And like whoever was sponsoring it. Yeah, the strange free beer.

Last year it was the root beer. Hard root beer. I had like 15 one night. And you're like, dude, you're shaking. I don't even get drunk off of those. Those hard. I remember one year. You guys ever have dice?

The alcoholic popsicles? No. Oh, no. But I had some homemade ones at a wedding. They sponsored. You and I were at High Plains the year the dice. Remember I had that white hat? Yeah. Oh, okay, but I had some homemade ones at a wedding. They sponsored. You and I were at High Plains the year that Dice. Remember I had that white hat? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I remember. Maybe he does. We were sponsored by Dice and Drambuie that year. Oh, boy. That's all I drank for three days and couldn't see colors at the end. Adam Cain Hall, if you're listening to this, just get one sponsor that's not, you know. Or some PVR, man. Some clean burning fuel. There's not a or some PBR man. Some clean

burning fuel. There's not a lot of breweries in Denver. No there's not who they reach out to. If not we're going to get an AFE special sponsorship just from my dad. Dad buys a bottle of vodka. Attorney of law Evan Carmel. Alright.

Alan Strickland-Williams is joining us today. Hey everybody thanks for having me. We do go on what do we get to the final introduction? 45 minutes into the podcast. Ivan Carmel. All right. Alan Strickland-Williams is joining us today. Hey, everybody. Thanks for having me. We do go on. Where do we get to the final introduction? 45 minutes into the podcast. At Totally Alan on Twitter. That's me.

And on Insta. And on Instagram. Yeah. Anything coming up you want people to come see you? I guess if this airs next week. A week from tomorrow. A week from tomorrow. Then let's say May 19th, I'll be in Denver opening for Eliza

Rickman at Mutiny Information Cafe. Oh, that's great. I love Eliza. I'll be there from the 15th to the 19th and then I'll be June 1st and 2nd, I'll be in Makoketa, Iowa at the Turnbuckle Festival.

I'll be in D.C. later. I'll put it all online. AlanStringerWilliams.com. Are you going to the Kennedy Center thing? No, I don't fuck with them. No, I don't know what you're talking about. Raw, raw, unbridled hatred. No, I'm doing like the

D.C. Comedy Loft, I believe is what it's called. But late in June. last week of June. What's the turnbuckle festival? Is it a wrestling festival? I think they'll be wrestling again this year. I did it last year. It's at this place called Codfish Hollow Barnstormers in Iowa, which is like, they have very, very,

very cool bands that play this weird magical barn. Yeah. And then they did a comedy music fest. Last year was Sammy Talent was there and Brodie Stevens and Harmar Superstar and White Reaper. It's very, very cool. I'm excited I get to go back. That sounds great, dude. June 1st and 2nd.

If you're anywhere, Chicago area, whatever around there, go check it out. I feel like driving from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. It can't be too far. There it is. It's worth it. Four hours maybe. Get there. Go hang out. The further you can get away from that, hell, hold it back. That's what I have like driving from Sioux Falls, South Dakota. It can't be too far. There it is. It's worth it. Four hours maybe. Get there. The further you can get away from that hellhole, the better.

That's what I have to say about Sioux Falls. We are gathered here today not just to chat about Iowa. Not just to bullshit. Not just to bullshit. There's a goddamn point. But also we're gathered here in scenic HeadGum Studios in beautiful downtown Los Angeles, California. Just a banana peels throw from Skid Row.

Just a banana peel from Skid Row. Blink and you're not going to miss it. Yeah, you're going to see it. You see it coming for a long time. They have it on the map. It's on the map. It has a congressman. We are here to draft hors d'oeuvres, a word that I pronounce as whores divorce probably until i was 14 years old

that's the way it sounds if you have or doors in your mouth when you say it yeah i'm gonna say some i'm gonna sound dumb yeah i'm gonna sound dumb and poor for most of this they run the gamut that's the beautiful thing about like a run the gamut. That's the beautiful thing about hors d'oeuvres. They run the gamut. Now, before we get into... Well, no, actually, let's let that unfold. Because I'm very interested in what is a... I won't even say it. We're drafting hors d'oeuvres tonight. I know what is, and I'm excited.

Okay, good. Okay, fantastic. I got a solid feeling. What? Just what my curiosity is. Okay. We'll get into it later. Can't wait.

We're here to draft orders and the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors sure first and foremost what type of draft is it's a great question uh it's a it's a serpentine draft okay what does that mean that's odd you don't know and i was just thinking i should probably be able to explain this to people so let's say that you are at the airport which i just was and there's nobody in line we still have to kind of walk through the whole entire line like the ropes you know so you go all the way to one end kind of stop turn around go all the way back to the other stop turn around

all the way back to the other stop turn around all the way to the other stand there and wait for the dickhead to kind of say come to me yeah so it's like that just like back and forth so if you pick fourth in the first round you pick uh first in the second round. You could say that. If you wanted to say it like that. You could say that. So since it's a serpentine draft, we have to determine the order of the draft and the way we do that. Rollicking a wave of vertation.

Barry Derrison. We all did a bunch of podcast enhancers. Barry vertation. Derritation. Barry Derrison. I understand this is a funny joke for you but I worry that I'm stroking out I know yeah yeah when everybody just starts talking nonsense

I'm like it finally fucking happens I told you you're not stroking out dude you're stroking in yeah stroking in since the seventh grade, baby. Captain Mellow cooler than the other side of the pillow over there, ASW, in the place to be. I love it.

Rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. You go on shoot. So here we go. You're involved as well. Rock, paper, scissors. Shoot. And David wins. The G is not only silent, but also triumphant. David, what will the order of the hors d'oeuvres draft be? So here's what I'm saying.

Okay. We're going to go Sean, me, Al, and Ian. I'm happy with that. Please. God damn it, man. You just played right into my hands that could use a wet nap after this delicious draft of hors d'oeuvres. Man, I'm already fucking pumped. And also, while you were explaining how we're going to do the draft, which I did not listen to,

I looked up the literal translation of hors d'oeuvre. We know they mean appetizers. Apparently, hors d'oeuvre means outside of work. So the thing is, the main work is the entree. These are the things outside of that main entree. Outside of the work, sure. So that's just fun to know. That is fun to know.

That's good to know. Okay. It's edutainment. We like to to know. That's good to know. Okay. It's edutainment. We like to consider All Fantasy Everything a little bit of edutainment. Now, David, you've determined the order of the draft. You've selected your Sean Jordan to go first. I already feel stupid. So Sean Jordan with the first pick in the hors d'oeuvre All Fantasy Everything draft.

Your South Dakota ass. The hors d'oeuvre. Hors d'oeuvre. The hors d'oeuvre. Hors d'oeuvre. to see everything draft your south dakota ass i feel like i'm gonna be saying classy before a lot of my okay now keep in mind this is a classy one of them yeah uh i'm picking do i go okay i'm gonna do this because i think it will get picked not because i like it okay in the true form of what you should do in a drop situation. Not because you like it. Well, you should draft things that you want on your list. What is it, any vegetable?

Because everybody else likes it. I'm picking crab cakes. Oh! Motherfucker! Wow, that's a good... I didn't even think of that. I did neither. I did not think that we would have any of the same shit.

You piece of shit. I can't believe you just took crab cakes. My thing is... I don't believe you! That's like the Harlem Globetrotters drafting Larry Bird. What are you doing? I can't believe you just took crab cakes. My thing is... I don't believe him! It's like the Harlem Globetrotters drafting Larry Burns. What are you doing? I don't believe him! You played for the generals, sir! You played for the Washington generals!

If we're going for a vote, if I'm trying to win this MOFCA... That's who you are now? It's who I am right now. Young Dean Burrito Onions went to Boise and came back a changed man. Yeah, I don't like this. He came back out of succeed in business without really trying. A lot of crab cakes with fucking Iron Crosses tattooed on the arm in Boise.

We were all sleeping this weekend. Yeah, we were. You hate seafood. He was way up. So I don't mind crab cakes. Yeah, keep tap dancing. Because they don't... Keep tap dancing.

Dance right around it. All right. It's a good pick. No, it's that kind of day. None of you can say it's not a good pick. We love it. I love it. I love crab cakes, obviously.

I celebrate them. Let's say there was a crazy person who didn't like Larry Bird. They're still going to draft him because they know that he's a good pick for the team. So I think my crab cakes are a good pick for my team that will be well-rounded by the end of this draft. Let me rephrase my analogy. You're like a pre-integration baseball owner. In so many more ways than one. Take it.

Because you actively hate shellfish, but I didn't know you were okay with crab cakes. I'm okay with them. But the kid can bat. The kid can bat. Shellfish from Kansas City Monarchs. He's got legs. He's got legs.

Throw a slider. Throw a slider at him. See what happens. Out of got legs. Throw a slider. Throw a slider at him. Okay. See what happens. Out of the park. Throw a crab cake on a slider, though. Is that what you're saying? Crab cake flavored sliders.

How do you prefer your crab cakes, Sean? I've only had them like three times. What? I've had them once here at a movie premiere, and I think they were just straight up crab cakes. I don't know what else you do to them. just thought they were like their own thing well you put a little mayonnaise you could i like my yeah sure i'm in yeah don't give me that look dude i'm picking for my team no yeah no i i get it someone's got to stir the goddamn pot and i stirred it you did stir it yeah you're the straw that stirs feel it you can feel it in here i just don't i'm the

fork i'm the fork that stirs the crab cake Right into my mouth because I love them now I just feel like this is the start of something terrible I'm going to have a crab cake the size of a birthday cake For dinner tonight You can't even spell crab cake Outside I'm going to have that We can't even go to the crawfish place

When you're in town Have I ever stopped that Now he's young crustacean. Never. All of a sudden. Young crustacean. You don't want to sit next to us. I'll take young crustacean. Never would I stop us from going to the seafood place, by the way. I would

just be the dickhead that had, like, chicken wings. They don't have that there. It's just stuff they can put in a bag and boil. They got alcohol there? Yeah, we got beer. Might drink dinner that night. Maybe bring some seafood enhancer with me. Crawfish is on fire.

Seafood enhancer. Crawfish is on fire. That's cocktail sauce, Sean. Quit storing that. When I bartended, Sex on Fire had just come out and I, this is like,

I feel like a dork saying this, but kids would come up and I'd be like, tell you what, I'll give you a sun kiss for free. go play sex is on fire and I was dead serious there's like a cheap shot that we had like a red bull shot oh word okay I was like oh I thought you meant the sun kiss no I thought you said that to children I should have clarified yeah I just

say it's so serious like you play sex on fire you a free shot. And then come on and I'm like. Bartending real hard for five minutes. Hard. Hort. Crabcakes. All right. Crabcakes. Young Crustacean. Crabcakes.

Okay. So if you see Sean at a show. If you see Sean, say something. Say Sean. If you see Sean, say Sean. Bring me a plate of crabcakes. Seashells. Seashells.

You see what happens off air when you bring me a plate of crab cakes. Send them. Yeah, sure, send them. We get sample of potters for Shane. My best friends in the world love crab cakes, so hopefully you'll be there with me. No, hopefully we won't. Then you have to eat that. You have to eat that to yourself. I'd eat it.

You prick. See, it gets real, Alan. You didn't know this. I liked it. David, it gets real, Alan. You didn't know this. I liked it. David, it's time for your first pick. Cross crab cakes off the list. Why? Because it was on yours?

I hated it. You fucking loved it, dude. Hated it. Loved it, bro. Second, I'm going to keep going with seafood that I thought one of us didn't like, but apparently, who knows? Maybe he loves this too. I don't know now.

I don't know this guy. We used to be friends. Now he's eating crab cakes. I'm picking for my team here. You go headline in Boise. All of a sudden, I don't know now. I don't know this guy. We used to be friends. Now he's eating crab. I'm picking for my team here. You go headline in Boise. All of a sudden, you don't know somebody. Well, when you get seafood in Boise, I mean, you can't say no to that. I didn't headline.

Jay Moore headlined. I was the guest feature, as it were. Got knocked down. So I'm going to pick calamari. Oh. Nicely done. It's perfect. You can get it anywhere.

It says, I'm too classy for this TGI Fridays, but let's stay. That's great. Walk me through this calamari. How's it been prepared? Oh, I just get the ringlets deep fried with a little bit of that. Deep fried. Remember that orange sauce? I love that orange sauce.

Just in purely the faith of talking shit, are those pig assholes? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They could be. Blown out assholes. Bl are those pig assholes yeah yeah it could be blown out blown out pig assholes that's why the tentacle ones are actually a little safer bet right you know that's not a pig asshole it's not a pig ass is there here's the thing though man if that's pig asshole then i love that's fine of course yeah what's gonna happen to me is there calamari that like so i feel like you've got calamari, like fried calamari out at bars and I've eaten it. Calamari Wednesday.

It's me in the future. Yeah. It's not bad. That's calamari? Is there something that isn't real squid, right? No, it's all squid. Or eel? It's all squid?

It's squid. Because I've definitely had it where I'm like, this tastes great. Yes. Yeah, it's a very bland taste and then it just soaks up the breading. What if I'm just turning a corner in life? Wow, liar. It happens. I don't believe you.

I don't believe you. No, but I'm serious about the calamari. I have had calamari. If we make you enforce this false narrative and you do end up liking shellfish, it's good for all of us. Yeah. Shellfish is like the end. Yeah.

That's the- No, crab. Crab? Shellfish. You see where we're at? You see where we're at? Did I tell you I was going to say something stupid? Look, give him a break, guys. He's from the Dakotas. That's not the problem. You see where we're at? I thought he was going to say something stupid.

Give him a break, guys. He's from the Dakotas. That's not the problem. The problem is that he's perpetrating. Willfully misrepresenting himself. Willfully. For the sake of the team. You guys will get mad enough for my other picks.

I hope it doesn't work out for you. I hope that pick was Ryan Leaf. We are putting the... It's a French word. The polls up again. Speaking of which, everyone, I should have said this at the beginning of the podcast, but you all listened all the way through. At All Fantasy Pod on Twitter.

We started a Twitter account account for god's sake finally and uh all fantasy podcast at gmail.com you can reach us at either one the dms are open on twitter or email us there send us questions whatever we're gonna start doing mail bags and stuff like that hell yeah it's all coming yeah i'm excited about all that anybody dms that's not pants lasagna yeah you weirdo and even you taking one of our weird offhand comments and making a whole social media presence devoted to it you'd made a life out of pants lasagna good for him man i mean i wasn't gonna uh calamari i love it i even i'll fuck around with the roasted calamari ever get into

that yeah oh yeah it's not even breaded you ever go to like korean bars oh yeah and get just like the lightly fried like the whole ones yeah yeah i like eating a whole like even if the head's on it i like seeing tentacles go in my mouth yeah yeah it's fun you feel like ursula the sea feel like a monster you feel like a huge sea monster yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very hentai that way. Yeah. We could all use... I wish the restaurant had tinier little things in it to make you even feel like a monster. You know what I mean?

You go in there and it's like a model train set. Oh, yeah. You just sit there like popping squid. I think we need to open a place called Poseidon's. Yeah. There was one right next to Brody. There was a place called Poseidon's. Oh, it was.

It was a seafood restaurant at an old... Well, it was originally a next to Brody. There was a place called Poseidon. Oh, it was. It was a seafood restaurant at an old- Well, it was originally a strip club. Yeah. And then they turned it immediately into a seafood restaurant. Classic flip. That did not last very long. Classic flip. Mm-hmm.

And now I believe it is a social services building. Another classic flip. The circle of life. Ashes to ashes, my friend. And there's somebody in Portland who has worked at all three, I bet. Or has been a customer at all three. I imagine. I fucking love calamari.

Who does it? Great pick. Sean? I don't. You do love it. I'll tell you what. Calamari was the first seafood I ever remember having. And that might have started the whole thing.

Because they didn't tell me it was calamari. It was hella chewy. Like, hella chewy. And then halfway through, they told me it was calamari. And I choked it down. And the whole time my mom was sitting there she's she had this look on her face like i know he's not gonna like it and right when they told me it was calamari like what it was and she leans in she's like you don't like seafood i know you don't and that could be

where it fucking all started it does yeah it could be i love the texture so it had nothing to do with the flavor but but you were fine eating it until they said it's squid no it was too chewy but the flavor i didn't notice i just noticed it was chewy i was like well the flavor is really just the lemon in the cocktail sauce yeah yeah yeah that was probably like seven so i didn't really care about anything unless my mom told me i didn't like it which she did constantly which could be vegetables all that stuff calamari for the table is a carmel classic saint sue carmel yeah i'm gonna order a fried. Calamari for the table is a Carmel classic. St. Sue Carmel. Yeah.

She's going to order a fried calamari going. Just for the table family. It was wonderful. We're in for the table family. How many rounds are we doing, by the way? Three? Five. Five.

Five o'clock, yes. All right. We end up going a little quicker. This is a nice spread. Yeah, it really is. Alan Strickland-Williams, speaking of a nice spread, it's time for you to start yours with your first pick. Number one pick.

This is my personal favorite. This is what I was also considering as a topic itself, but I thought that would be a little too in the weeds. Oh, yeah. Charcuterie. Yes. Specifically salami and goat cheese. Yes, sir. That's what it is.

Maybe a little gabagool if you want to get fancy. Gabagool. Maybe a little manchego. You know, pursuit. Maybe a little pursuit. Yes yes but charcuterie i mean there's not there i could eat it all day every day for the rest of my life that turns into the meal real quick it's perfect it's so decadent because it's so thick you know what i mean every piece you're just like god this is so good the charcuterie played at russell blue here in

la do yourself i like the one at tex the one at Tex can be pretty good. Oh, Tex is good too. Don't they have the tiniest pickles? The gherkins? Yeah, they got the gherkins. They got the mortadella. They got all of it, yeah. I like when there's

a loose pile of seedy mustard that they just put on there. Yeah, sure. I like the charcuterie plate at Chateau Carmel that I'll have from time to time. Oh, yeah.

Ian's been known to make a charcuterie plate. Put a fig in there. For God's sake. Put a fig in there. What the fuck? You don't owe anything toerie plate. Put a fig in there. For God's sake. Put a fig in there. What the fuck? You don't owe anything to anybody. Put a fucking fig in there.

Put some Marconi almonds. I love it. I made it. What was it for? The Super Bowl? Yeah. Yeah. Charcuterie board.

Nice. It's fun. You take yourself to Whole Foods and you spend around $90. Yeah. On something you'd spend like- Get it all on that piece of wood. $18 on at $90. Yeah. On something you'd spend like- Get it all on that piece of wood. $18 on at a restaurant. Yeah.

Charcuterie is, before gout, was maybe my favorite kind of food. Yeah. And now I just look at it, I'm like, is it worth it? It usually is. It is. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'll sit on the couch for four days and play Stardew Valley for this shit.

Is that that new game? Yeah, you bet it is. Cows. Crops. What's the Yeah, you bet it is. Cows. Crops. What's the cow's name? Chungus. Chungus. I'm playing this game Stardew Valley where you farm. You farm and fish. It's the most placid thing

on earth. It's perfect to get stoned to. They'll auto-name your animals for you if you let them. The game was like, Chungus? I was like, obviously. Of course, Chungus. Please, of course. If you look from the other room onto the couch, you might think Ian's watching my left foot from how serious the game is being played. And then you look at the TV and you're like,

I mean, it's tight. It looks like Zelda before Ganondorf, Ganon got there, you know what I mean? It's just like, it's a farm and everything's peaceful and the music there's a i'll be in my room and i'll just hear a fucking cock-a-doodle-doo yeah water these goddamn cranberries even though they're supposed to grow in a bog but look i'm not gonna tell them what to do wait is there an end game oh no okay it's just this is my life yeah i quit stand-up officially.

The end game is a natural death as a farmer. That's what the end game is. I turned my papers into a Todd Glass. I quit stand-up forever. I just play Stardew Valley. That's it. That's my life. I write for The Late Late Show.

I do this podcast, and I play Stardew. If you're out of the game, can I buy that Shlomo Pudding tits? Yeah, Shlomo Pudding tits is all you. I always felt like I could do something with that. Yeah, you could. Yeah, absolutely. You can have it for it for free please better put some butter on it there it is hamlock hamlock better put some butter just tell my story uh tell the world tell the world

what's your fit what's the so what's your favorite joke of mine every now and then we'll switch topics in the middle of the draft. And now what we're drafting is everyone's favorite Ian Carmel joke. I prefer the, like the one-liner hors d'oeuvres over the entrees. Sure, sure. I get it.

Yeah. Yeah. Out of work. Goat cheese for you. Oh yeah. Is a stable. Just a nice Chevrolet. You know,

sure. I might get some on my computer every once in a while. Charcuterie with a computer out. It's a stable. Just a nice Chevrolet, you know, sure. I might get some on my computer every once in a while. Absolutely. Well, classic. Charcuterie with a computer out, that's a classic problem. All you do is you dip your napkin in your wine that's clearly right there and rub it off your computer. I eat salami and cheese like five times a week. It's so good.

Yeah. It's just easier. I always forget I'm hungry until I remember I'm hungry. Yeah. And then it's too late, you know? And it's in the fridge and you're on it. I got to do it. I can't make anything.

I didn't even know what charcuterie was until whatever, when the pilot, because Ian ordered it the first day for lunch and I was like, I don't know. I'd never heard the word or anything. Yeah. And then I was hooked. But you would add it before. That's the thing. You don't even have to know what it is to have had it.

It's Italian for mostly salt. How do you like that? A little light workplace humor? Yeah. Right? We could all use a little more of it. I'm never opposed to it, dude. A little light workplace humor.

All right. Charcuterie. It's time for my first and second picks, as it is a serpentine draft. Right. It is a serpentine draft. Right. It is a serpentine draft. With my first pick, I'm going to go ahead and fuck around and take the deviled egg. Oh, man. That was going to be my actual first pick.

Great for the egg. That's impressive. I learned my lesson. The deviled egg. I learned my fucking lesson. I'm so mad. A non-meat product making its way in the first draft, I'm very, very, very surprised. It is a truly versatile food.

It's very respectable. Yeah. I also like that it's just you take the inside of an egg, fuck it up a little bit, put it right back in the egg, and then you're in business. Put a little paprika on there. A little paprika, a little pickle. I've never actually been upset for real about a pick. You're actually mad right now.

You were the fuck around. I know. I've never actually been upset like for real about a pick and I'm really upset. You're actually mad right now. I'm actually- You were the fuck around. I know. I'm so mad at myself. I'm going to get better seafood picks later on. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Definitely.

I'm not going to the ocean yet. No. I just learned my lesson in the worst way. I just learned it. Don't fuck around. The deviled egg. I will,

if the mood strikes me, make a sriracha deviled egg. Oh, nice. Knock your socks off. It's really good. Deviled eggs are- I love it. That's make a sriracha deviled egg oh nice knock your socks off it's really good deviled eggs are I love it that's the one thing

about the deviled egg too is there's so many ways to step it up just like a notch just a notch you know what I mean and there's so many different people

who have like oh I just put jalapenos in mine yeah oh okay that's not gonna ever sound bad you know

everyone gives you what they do and you're like that does sound good I've never been taken aback but you put's like peanut butter you're all right you can always eat so many of them oh my god i don't even i stopped counting i don't know that texture is so good i sneak them like if i'm at a party and they're out i'll just i you know yeah i don't make it obvious that i'm having one because i'm gonna have like 10 i love it when the party's over

and you just got deviled eggs in your fridge. Oh, yeah. Oh, a nice cold one, a little midnight snack. Oh, my God. You just pop in there, just pop one in? That's only going to happen if you forgot to take one of the trays out, by the way, because if they come out... Yeah, they go so fast. Bring them out, bring them out. People are going to eat them.

One of the only good things about moving away from Portland is when I was in Portland, I was one of the designated devil egg guys. So I'd have to be at my broadcast apartment. You shook that reputation when you moved down here. Well, no, but who do I make them for here? When I go back, I can't make them in my hotel room. And down here, you three, as far as I know, are the only ones who know I'm the devil egg guy.

And I'll fucking kill you. And you're going to kill us all. I will fucking murder you. That is a labor-intensive food if you go from tail to trotter. You know what I mean? Let's hear it. First, you've got to fucking hard-boil the egg.

Because basically you make egg salad, right, and then throw that in there? Well, yeah. You've got to halve them, right? We're a little bit more into that. Half of them and scoop them out, right? Yeah, well, you have to hard-boil the egg, and you have to take the shell off, you know,

and then you slice, you know, you cut them open, you take the yolk out. Yeah. And then there's a process. If you want a good, like, line at a wedding or a party or a reception of some sort, maybe not a funeral, but at a fun thing, you eat the devil egg. If it's good, you go, well, if this is a devil egg take me straight to hell that's a good that's a good one

I love the social bit I feel like that bit works at the funeral it does I'll tell Jerry hi you know what I'm talking about he was a dick not everyone is going to laugh but that guy with just scotch and ice cubes in his glasses is going to bend over and it's going to clank a lot.

That's going to be fun. That's the whole reason you flew to Pittsburgh, just to make him laugh. Absolutely. I mean, what do you think was going to happen working in a steel mill his whole life? Mesothelioma, you never hear about things like that? I think Orphalion, if not Orphalion. Oh, gosh. You don't want to get them involved. Then it's, well, then it's all lawsuits. Salino, Barnes, Orphalion, Orphalion, if not Orphalion. Oh, gosh. You don't want to get them involved.

Then it's, well, then it's all lawsuits. Selina, Barnes, Orphalion, Orphalion. 1-800-8-MILLION. That's got to go. You know? They went from 8-8-8-8, 8-8-8-8, to try to just finesse 8 million on us. For the listeners who don't live in Los Angeles or the greater area. I think Selina and Barnes are everywhere, but go on.

Go on. I think. Oh, well, then is that Orphalion or Selino and Barnes are everywhere. But go on. I think. Oh, well then, is that Orfaleon or Salino and Barnes? Orfaleon is only. Right. That commercial might only be shown on our block in Glendale. But Salino and Barnes, 1-800-8-million. Ooh, it upsets you.

But I remember it. I'll tell you. I do remember it. It's just Salino now too, right? Like Barnes. Salino killed him. They had a little beef over the jingle. Yeah. And pop goes the weasel. Salino now, too, right? Like Barnes. Salino killed him. They had a little beef over the jingle. Yeah.

And pop goes the weasel. Salino said. Barnes's phone number is just eight. All right. Speed dial. Local phone number humor. Yeah, the deviled egg. It is.

That's a fantastic pick. I don't know how deviling became a thing. Anybody off the top of their heads? We're not going to research it. Is it just because it's red? Oh, the paprika. Yeah, I think so. Probably.

It's like a splash of red. Okay. Or only a heathen would break apart the precious life force inside. The sanctity of an egg. The ovum. The ovum. You crack the ovum. The ovum.

Stir it around. You have to desecrate the ovum. Desecrate the ovum. Take this unborn child and desecrate its ovum. Stir it around. Desecrate the ovum. Desecrate the ovum. Take this unborn child and desecrate its ovum. Paprika? It doesn't get enough runs. Sue Carmel will make a chicken paprika that is to die for.

I can't even name the flavor if it's gone to my head right now. Paprika? I feel like I've only ever had it dusted. It's kind of a smoky... I feel like it goes with poultry. It's good with poultry primarily, I think. I like a little paprika on my crab cake, if I'm being honest. You can throw a little bit in some rice.

Man. That wasn't a cool thing for you to say. A little crab cake enhancer. I'm not... I'm not... A little crab cake enhancer no i'm not i'm not a little crab cake enhancer on there too soon i'm not on board it didn't even look at me i didn't i don't like it oh boy that's funny lining up lines of paprika on a crab cake this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35,

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Okay. Okay. I guess that takes... Okay. All right. That's the... So that takes caviar off the table. Caviar's off the table.

It's in my Bellini. What's Bellini? Bellini is like a little... It's like a little pastry-ish, cracker-ish kind of thing that you'll put things on. Is that what we had at Momofuku? No, but what we had at Momofuku was... If we don't need to bring it up. No, because I took caviar.

Oh, okay. Basically, I'm taking caviar and creme fraiche, and the Bellini is just the preferred... It's the way you most commonly will get it. Okay. But what we got at Momofuku was the chicken skin. Oh, yeah. And a scallion pancake. Or no, pancake, chicken skin, scallion creme fraiche, caviar.

That sounds really good. It was amazing. It was gnarly, dude. It's so good. Gnarly. It sounds great. I love caviar. That was in Vegas?

That was in Vegas. Yeah, of course. You got to call ahead one day, but then they'll fuck it up for you. And it's worth it. And they did. They'll bring you some sake that looks like cum, and David will bring that up while the waiter, pardon me, waitress, who was a woman, was right behind him. You know, did not plan that out.

Looks like cum. She's seen cum. We've all seen it. She was right there. David was like, well. I mean, it kind of is. It did a lot. It's fish eggs.

Yeah. It's kind of like cum. The sake looked like cum. Oh, the sake looked like cum. Yeah, yeah. Like straight up. You ever been with a man whose nut looks like caviar? Just.

Like a pellet gun. It's coming out. That's like a venereal you bring back from the war. My grandpa was in the South Pacific, then he came back cumming caviar. Looks like a salmon laying eggs now. Where's hell? It pains me to bring it up in the age of a democratic socialist

and whatnot, but caviar is fucking as advertised. It's so good. Oh, it's so good. It's so delicious. It's refreshing and salty. It tastes like biting into the ocean. Yeah.

Texture-wise, it's really fun. It's just fantastic. Yeah. And with a little bit of creme fraiche to just sort of give it a feel to play on, you know? I think that was the only time I ever had caviar. At the Momofuku. Yeah. Listen, Babe Ruth can hit a home run, but he's got to have a baseball park to do it

in, and that's where the creme fraiche comes in. So if anybody tries to, I mean, have caviar without it, but. Are you not supposed to ever have it without creme fraiche? Okay, and you absolutely can. Oh, sure. I just. You can eat it out of the can if you want. You can?

That's going to start a whole new... Then I got to get a monocle and start charging people property taxes. If the fridge door is like staying open and you're eating the caviar, that's... You know what I mean? That's like a whole... That's a whole other lifestyle. You're not putting it in Tupperware afterwards.

Every bite you take, you motion like you're going to put it back in the fridge and then, one more bite. Then it's just gone in five minutes. I bet if you only ate caviar, do you think you'd be healthy? It's pretty salty, right? But I don't think, it's probably like protein-y. Like omega-3 fatty acids? I bet there's fatty acids in there.

That's where they're hiding. That's how you get the acid. I bet there's fatty acids in there. That's where they're hiding. That's how you get the acid. I was going to go with the assy fat, but it didn't. Fatty acids for the assy fatty? Yeah.

Fatty acids to make that ass fatty? Sure. Let's go to the judges. I don't feel it. They like it. Sean says yes. It seems like that's his name. I don't feel it. They like it. Okay. Sean says yes. It seems like that. I like it.

Yeah, okay, cool. It turns out Sean is the judge. It's a pretty easygoing panel. It's in play. All right, great. Panel's pretty chilled out. It's fantastic. The first time I had it was salmon roe caviar.

That's one of my dad's friends had brought down. Which one? So is it like, so which one is the sturgeon row? A tradition. That's like a traditional caviar. The sturgeon row. From the Caspian Sea. Right. The dinosaur fish. Yeah, black sturgeon. Yeah. Okay.

Sturgeon are fucked up, man. Yeah, I've seen them before. We used to pull those out of the... Because in Oregon, they're in all the rivers and everything. Got them on the coast, yeah. In the coast, too. Herman the sturgeon, dude. Herman the sturgeon, like 13-foot-long long sturgeon we used to go fishing for him those things you have to like beat the shit out of them you have to beat them to death like with like a hammer with a hit well because it's hard right to slit their throat they have like yeah they have a really hard skeleton you have to slit their throat and then beat their skull in because they will live for three days

outside of the water it's like torture for them but like if you don't make 100 sure they're dead they'll just like live for three days outside of the water because they can breathe oxygen you sure that wasn't a surgeon that you took there that owed you money look a lot of a lot of stuff happened all right and this is why you want to bet fucking college football you can bet college football be prepared to have it affect your life where do you keep your wallet

but he told me he had one no but I watched Ivan Carmel once you want to bet college football beat the brains out of a sturgeon with a souvenir baseball bat

from a Mariners game that we had gone to that's so funny like a bat just in front of me it's the perfect size. It's perfect. That little bat, then you just...

It's funny that you have to catch that fish and then assault it. I was probably 12 years old, maybe 11, 10. You're 12 to 30 real quick. I was 12 to 30 in the school zone. But the gaffings that you use to hang it off the side of the boat is this huge hook, as big as a man's finger crooked up.

And you jam that into it and then hang it off the side of the boat. And he just fucking wailed on it like Pesci. He went full Pesci and fish blood is popping up. And he's like, you got to do this because I live outside of the... And I'm watching him like, holy shit. You got to do it. He's not a big guy, but he's a powerful man. Pesci, you're describing Pesci.

Yeah, Ivan Carmel, he's taller than Pesci, but he's got a lot in common with him. He's a passionate Jewish Joe Pesci. And he just wailed on that fish in front of me. Pesci, that means fish. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Full circle. Pesci.

Full circle. Wow. Full circle. Wow. Anyway, caviar. That's my pick. Alan? Okay, so I guess I'm going to take a dip into the briny depths now since everyone else has, but I'm going to do it. No, I'm going to go with this one.

Okay, so I'm going to say this. This is something my uncle used to make every Christmas Eve. Smoked salmon. Yes. Wrapped around sauteed asparagus with little capers on top. Oh, shit. I like how you took it down to the floor at the end.

Little capers on top. Yeah. Yeah, that's beautiful. But that's a good, nice something for everybody. A little earthy flavor to balance out. This one is salty brine in the fish. Is there a creme fraiche involved no no no you just wrap it just wrap it all right it's gonna just get creme fraiche for dinner

eat a drop maybe on the side if you want it yeah thank you now we're in business now we know now we're cooking with gas now we can open up the restaurant so this is a smoked salmon yeah like sort of a lock situation. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. It's maybe, you know, if you can't have a bagel, you have this. Yeah. It's a much healthier alternative.

Smoked salmon, asparagus. What was the third part? Capers. Capers. Capers. Capers are so good, too. Just like a little bit of capers. They're so slept on.

Yeah. If there's a spread and there's capers with your bagel spread, somebody cares. I don't know. I think that's the only time I've ever had them is with like a Lux bagel. Oh, yeah. Well, that's the only place you'll really get them. So good. You can get them pressed into a ham sometimes.

A caper. Okay. You know? And a salad. You can throw in a salad. You can throw in a salad. And like I think they're in a Waldorf. Capers would be in a Waldorf.

The potato Sort of vinegar based Salads I'll put them into a spaghetti sauce They often call for capers A pickled caper And then like whenever I'm trying to solve a detective case The capers usually

Show up Those are the main areas In which I've experienced them If I had to pick four areas Scooby Doo Has anyone here ever been involved in a caper? What do you mean? I don't know, have you ever been in something you would describe as a caper?

I've been on the wrong end of a caper You've been on the wrong end of a caper You gotta explain it Oh, i used to own an amusement park these kids found out i was trying to haunt it for the insurance money you know oh that's a kid got busted they got meddling goddamn kids yeah now i feel like a caper is something where there's like i don't know it's hijinks, it's shady, and two to three things are happening at once. I've been, we did this thing where we distracted people at the 7-Eleven, and then some other people went to a different area, and then some other people went and just stole beer. Just ran out with it.

For sure. It's like a low-key caper, right? Yeah, that's a caper. That's what they ride on the ticket. They call it Yahooing, because you say Yahoo when you run out. Oh, okay. The dude's like, you stay here, and I'm like, I don't fucking know them fucking know them and he's like bullshit because we didn't talk or anything but we were 13 i'm sure we were talking in the parking lot not thinking that dude was like what are those six 13 year olds doing

you call it yahoo i didn't really but it was called that yeah would you grow up with all the fucking world changing ideas grab the fucking grab the cases of beer that you're too weak to carry and then scream yahoo when you run at least you had a caper to it you know what we did we just ran in and ran out oh that's we did that we would do that it's not a caper that's not no no this is a caper yeah you're now it's just a smashing yeah yeah it's just you get a bunch of that you go you go away. And you just run. I like that. You know they're not going to touch you. Can we draft terms for crimes?

One of these? Yeah, absolutely. That sounds fun. I'm going to write it down. But that, yeah. Anyway, smash and grab. I'm going to pick getting hoodwinked. Bamboozled.

A lot of malarkey going on these days. A lot of malarkey. I got hoodwinked the first time I was in Chicago. Did you? I'd never been in a big city, really. And a dude comes up. Winked at you. He had a leather jacket on. So I'm like, this dude's got to be. He's got to be legit. in chicago i'd never been in like a big city really and uh dude comes up he's like he had like a leather jacket on so i'm like this dude's gotta be like he's gotta be legit and he's like

hey man you need you need your shoes shine i go no and they're suede catch and he gets down start shining them and i just let him do it and pete's my older friends looking at me like you fucking idiot so he just kept walking guy gets up he's like it's five bucks and i go no i didn't i didn't ask you to do that and he's like well i did it's five bucks and so i mean he it's five bucks. And I go, no, I didn't ask you to do that. And he's like, well, I did it. It's five bucks. And so I mean, he just got five bucks. Hoodwink, man. You got hoodwinked. You saw a leather jacket as a sign of trust. I did.

A dude comes up to you on the street and offers you a service wearing a leather jacket. And you're like, this dude, this is my guy. There's no cut of leather jacket where I trust someone more. Not a trench. I saw a guy with a pinky ring and I just asked her to show me around. Here's a man you can trust. Here's a man that knows what

shoes should look like. A man whose hands aren't used to hard labor. He must... Now, sir, my grandfather just left me a large sum of money. I'm thinking to invest it. Oh, man. Yep. Bamboozled it. I guarantee thinking to invest it. Oh, man. I guarantee you the acquisition of said leather jacket involved a caper.

Smoked salmon, asparagus, and capers with the food kind. It really is a delicious situation, that one. Excellent pick. David, it's time for your second pick. This is weird because I don't want... I don't know where I want to...

Do I listen to my heart or do I play for the team? I'm fucked. No, that was the dumbest thing I've ever done on this podcast. I'll be mad about it until we record again. He played for the team and I got deviled eggs. I'll never let him forget about it. I'll be mad about that until... Oh, actually, until Ian rereads our lists at the end of the night.

If anybody just wants to draw a picture of me hand in hand with an anthropomorphic deviled egg running through a finish line, while Sean is a few lengths behind just looking distraught. Distraught. Like the victim of a caper. And just me and the deviled egg, huge smiles. If you want to draw that. If you want to draw that. I don't know what I'll do for you, but I'll do something. I might change it to my Twitter fucking, my Twitter picture, because mine's getting played right now anyways.

Shane, I'll change my name to Rich Homie, whatever your name is. And then use that picture. But I go on too long. David, your second pick. My second pick, I just love them. I'm always thankful that I'm at a party and they're there. I'm doing those little cream cheese tortilla pinwheels. Oh!

You want to tell me about? Oh, my God. That's great. What'd you say? A lavash. I thought I was going to be able to get away later. Is that what it's called? A lavash?

Where you're going to have that very thin sort of dough and a cream cheese, and maybe there's a ham or a turkey, and sometimes a pickle in the middle. Sometimes I had it with a craisin in it. Yes. Okay. A craisin in there. No, get that the fuck out of there. No, it was good.

It was good. I won't hear it. My aunt makes those, and we never know what they were called. Well, lavash is the name of the dough. Okay. And that's why we've always called it lavash. But it's a treat. I love them.

Whenever you're at a party, it's always good. You're always happy. Nobody's ever fucked them up. I've never had like a fucked up one. No, I feel dumb for taking caviar now. I should have taken lavash. No, you did a good job. It's close to my heart.

Everybody's happy. You can't drop the ball. So lavash. That's my story. Well, you can drop the ball. And the ball is a crazen. I'm telling you, it was not upsetting. I just realized that both of Ian's

choices are eggs. Oh, yeah. So, that's interesting. That's just interesting. I just wanted to bring that up. Next week, I would have woken up like Homer Simpson. They're both eggs. You don't know what I'm taking number three? Oh, my God. Eatin Eating pussy!

Air horns. We need as many air horns. Scream, scream. How many air horns do you need to put in to make that joke work? Or like a tornado siren, like a Lil Wayne video. Yeah, just like all the radio sound effects you can find. Those are good. I like those because those remind me too of the sort of like things you get at the Chinese buffet.

Yes. That are just like crab rangoon or whatever. Oh, yeah. I feel like those are too close. I feel like those are- Too close? Well, they've already said crab anyway, I guess. Too close to dim sum? Huh?

No, no, no. Too close to what you said. Yeah, yeah. Oh, the rangoons? Yeah. They got that creamy. They get deep fried, though. Yeah, that's true.

As opposed to like, that's what I like about it. The texture is totally different. And Rangoon's, you don't get the meat in it like that, right? Yeah, I think they say there's crab in it. This is a previous debate on this. Some people have said there is crab in a Crab Rangoon. I can't find it. I've never had the crab in it.

I can't find it. I love Crab Rangoon, so there can't be. Right. What was your first pick again? Listen, have I not rubbed my own face in it enough? No, I'm just asking. It was crab cakes, by the way. Did you forget?

No, that's what I thought. Setsu would make a lot of those lavash on Thanksgiving when I was growing up. We would go, me and my older brother and all his friends would play a game of tackle football. First thing, the turkey bowl on Thanksgiving. And then we would get washed off and then there would be a bunch of appetizers and dinner would be like three, four hours later, right? And I would eat so much lavash that there was never a Thanksgiving where I was stoked when dinner was ready.

It's so hard not to spoil your appetite with them. Just house it. That's kind of the problem with these hors d'oeuvres. If you're someone who lacks any self-control, you'll go to town. Sometimes, I've been to the restaurant, I'll throw it up, I'll just get straight hors d'oeuvres for dinner. I don't give a fuck. Oh, yeah.

Hey, save that prime rib for later. Yeah, take it home. Take it home, that's for breakfast. Did you get prime rib at the Smokehouse? Yeah, I did get prime rib. Take it home. That's for breakfast. Did you get prime rib at the Smokehouse? You did. Yeah, I did get prime rib. Was it good? It was great.

Hell yeah. It was, oh, God. Man. What was that, Friday night? Friday night. Saturday night. You would have loved it. It was all American food.

Oh, yeah, you would have loved it. You would have loved that place. I drank my uncle's homemade schnapps on Saturday night. That's what I did. That's what I was doing. Uncle Tim. What flavor? Check it out.

Caramel apple, mango, grape. What flavor is that? Grape schnapps? Grape root beer. Your uncle makes his own grape schnapps? Mango, dude. Mango. Oh, that's nice. It's so buck.

Mango root beer, caramel apple, grape, strawberry, and watermelon. You tried all those different kinds of schnapps? A lot. Because he takes a bottle of Everclear for each one. He was telling me, like, a bottle of Everclear for each one, 12 cups of water or whatever, and then, like, extract. It's so funny how you need Everclear to be the base. I knew people who made their own, like, Kahlua.

That was the same thing. It was all Everclear-based, which they don't sell in California, right? Oh, really? They don't want everyone acting like my Uncle Tim and his cronies. Like that night I made my own Fruitopia schnapps in my stomach. The fourth day I was at Southern Oregon University. Fruitopia? Yeah, it was one part Everclear, one part Fruitopia.

Do you remember being a kid and drinking Everclear? I'm so glad i'm not blind i know like oh i spilled it sometimes and you're just like oh i remember taking shots of people's what they called moonshine they're whatever they decided that elizabeth to you there would be you take a drink and you're like oh yeah dog gas gasoline gasoline is what it tasted like when Gasoline! Daddy Yankee was the first one to give me moonshine. Daddy Yankee's a nice guy.

That's what you told me. He was really sweet. He seems like he would call you Papa, but in a cool way. Yeah, totally. Like, hey, get the door, Papa. Gorgeous man. Very sweet. Excuse me, Daddy Yankee. Shout out to Daddy Yankee.

Do you need anything for your green room? Oh, no, Papi. Something like that. You're Yankee. He listens to the podcast. Do you need anything for your green room? Oh, no, Papi. Something like that. You're like, oh, man, tie it. Do you need anything? I'd be like, oh, no, man. Yeah, he'd ask you if you were good for church. Oh, there you go.

Of course. I need my heart to be tucked in on a perfect winter night. All I need is this memory to keep me warm. Crabcakes. It is time for your second pick. Well, now I'm going with my heart. I knew I was going to suck at this because I don't ever eat anything classy, so I don't know what to do. It doesn't have to be classy. It is time for you a second pick. Well, now I'm going with my heart. I knew I was going to suck at this because I don't ever

eat anything classy so I don't know what to do. It doesn't have to be classy. It has to be you. It's not going to be. It's going to be pigs in a blanket.

There you go. Oh, nice. My second order. Perfect. Nothing crazy special. Maybe if you want to get nuts, you put like

some pepper jack in there. Oh, that's a cheese on the nuts. Huh? Come on. Put some pistachios in there. A little light workplace here over there. Maybe if. Huh? Come on. Put some pistachios in there. A little light workplace here. Maybe if we want to get cheesy.

Yeah. Okay. There it is. Because it ain't easy being cheesy. You know, I found the opposite to be true. Yeah. I've heard quite different. It's one of the easier things to make.

It's actually easier to be cheesy. I hate to come to loggerheads with Chester Cheetah on a podcast like this where people will hear it. Him and Spuzz McKenzie both listen. They're actually avid listeners. Yeah, you get the croissant and then you put maybe some pepper jack

on there and then the hot dog. Oh, wow. Or you can just put the hot dog in there So you're not a traditionalist when it comes to pigs in a blanket.

I am, but again, I was trying to class it up a little bit. I do that sometimes. Which part of that was classing it up? The pepper jack. Oh, okay.

Are you saying that you use an actual hot dog in a pigs in a blanket? Yeah. Are you a little smoky an actual hot dog in a pig's and bleak? Are you a little smoky? No, we use cut up hot dogs. Really? Wow. I told you I was going to say some shit.

It sounds delicious. Well, you know what? I mean, hey, to eat, whatever. You want to hear something insane? I didn't know people didn't put, I didn't know you didn't eat them with hot dogs. Out there they were all cut up hot dogs, rolled in croissants, and baked in the oven.

So then my question is, are Lil' Smokey's out now? That is a good question that I would definitely like to know the answer to. So Lil' Smokey's, I don't know. Because that's a thing. It's a big thing. It's a big thing, yeah. It's a big thing.

I'm just asking a question. I'm not saying anything. I just wanted know. That's a thing. It's a big thing. It's a big thing. It's a big thing. I'm just asking a question. I'm not saying anything. I just wanted to. Sure. I'm buying some shit. Ian's always the go-to on this. Am I? I like to leave it open to everyone.

I don't see any problem with a little smoky thing. Here's what I'm taking is cut up hot dogs as pigs in a blanket. I will say that maybe, I don't know if there's any other hot dog hors d'oeuvres besides the I doubt it. Dakota smoky that we'll call it? The Dakota Pig? That's called the Pigs in a Blanket, parentheses, Dakota style.

Pigs in a Blanket for me, when I was growing up, was a little Smokey and a pancake. A pancake? A tiny little pancake. That's also, I thought it was pancake too. Okay, for us it was Pillsbury Doughboy croissants, but with a little smoky inside. In the can. And for me, the trashiest, it was hot dogs.

You can't cut up hot dogs. So I feel like all these are the same thing. Yeah, I think so. Pigs in a blanket is still pigs in a blanket. Yeah. Okay. All right. It's sausage with dough wrapped around it.

Wow. See, that's a funny thing, because this is the part where this is actually more interesting than the caviar. Yeah. It really is. Way more. What about this salty sodium meat tube that we like where we're from? Is the hot dog peeking out?

Yeah, both ends. Okay, good. Okay, good. It's kind of fully encased. I'm peeking out both ends. Yeah. The hot dog peeking out? Yeah, both ends. Okay, good. It's kind of fully encased. I'm peeking out both ends. The hot dog's paranoid. We're really eating the pig in the blanket at both ends. It's stoned too.

This is the stuff where I always, well, no, like once a week I'll be like, I should make pigs in a blanket or something. And I never do. I get like a can of chili instead. I eat such trash. Hey, you know what? You want to dress up your chili? Just make some rice with it. Put the rice under there, some chili, some cheese on top.

That thought never crossed my mind. Chili John's over in Burbank. Turn me on to it. I've been eating Zach's microwave. Uncle Ben's. Oh, yeah. Oh, I got one of those in my house i can't young viral god got sent a bunch of free rice by uncle ben's young muscle beach and uncle sean has

availed himself of it zach ain't touching it there's like a hundred he has like a hundred uncle ben i don't know why zach isn't touching it because it's not like he's on some specialized diet no god i see what he fucking brings no he's he's not. If Jersey Mike's put out a Panda Express sandwich, he would eat it, or a cologne. Was it the two of you talking about meat dust? The meat Jersey Mike's. They got free smells down at Jimmy John's. They do.

God, that's tight. Okay, so pigs in a blanket. Excellent pick. Yellow mustard, grain mustard, what are you? Yellow cab, gypsy, gift to get a blanket. Excellent pick. Yellow mustard? Grain mustard? What do you... Yellow cab jigsaw? Again, if you want to... If we're doing what I do, it's sriracha. But I would put some mustard on there.

For the general. For the gen pop, I'd put some mustard. Some spicy mustard, sure. Spicy. Okay, great. It's sriracha. So then is it your choice again? What?

Sriracha. Oh, yeah. It's your choice. Yeah, my choice again. I'm going to do... And I've only had these once, but they were awesome. I'm going to do mini quiches. Oh, good. I'm glad you brought this up.

That's a great choice. Oh, what? Well, I have many quiches on my list, and I actually almost took it second. Is that too broad? No, no. It's completely in play. I want to hear you talk about it. I have some hard opinions.

Well, so the only time I've had them, I think it was at Greggy's wedding. Zach will correct me if I'm wrong. But I had them at a wedding somewhere where they were just little mini, like three-bite quiches. And they had all different kinds, you know. These are these poppable I prefer those these were a little bigger than a bite so I was popping them but I looked

like an animal when I was doing it there's not enough and I may be on an island here there's not enough filling for the amount of crust on a mini quiche I think a regular quiche is too much that's what I'm saying a regular quiche is too much. That's what I'm saying.

A regular quiche is too much filling. It's not a pie. It is a pie. It's a pie. It's a savory pie. It's a pie, but it's not. It's too much. Yeah, I feel the same way. I like it when it's too much crust. I like it when it's mostly flaky. If you back me in the corner that I gotta bake a quiche my way out of,

I will do that this weekend. I like a meat pie with an actual top on it. I'll bake a quiche my way out of i will do that this because i like i like a meat pie like with an actual top on right i'll make quiche that would be so sick no dude it's for me it's not enough it's too dry usually a bite the tiny one the tiny yeah mini key but i kind of like that texture i like it kind of dry and then the thick yolky i want it a little wet you know i well know i'm an egg man and i am the walrus but i i i want a little wet. We all know I'm an egg man, and I am the walrus, but I... I want a little more egg, and there's not enough of it in the mini-kish. Yeah, we know you want a little more egg, buddy. They got there, your two first spots. A little more egg?

The horn said no. What's your favorite type of fiction? Hard-boiled? So I guess what I'm talking about, the size that I'm talking about are maybe like it like as round as a muffin but obviously not as thick as high as a muffin i don't know if i've seen these keys like a hockey round like a hockey puck that's not well that's like that's like the size of a sausage it's like a two bite situation the one that i saw it wasn't like it wasn't like a poppable... Gotta be poppable. Gotta have my pops. That was the essence of the hors d'oeuvre, is that it was a poppable

situation. I mean, it still was, but it wasn't poppable. Did you just pick a quiche? No, I did not pick a quiche. It sounds bigger than bigger than big. Yeah, what about, I'll take a whole sheet cake. Yeah. With my third pick. I knew it was gonna be a rough day for me. I would choose that chunk of Jiro meat that they have at the cart.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We're just picking shit. Just a loose bag of hamburger. That's what I'm picking. What about Shane Torres? Like a mini-keith. Got him in. Worked a bit with the pot.

Oh, great. He's also... Oh, great. I was going to say, his smoldering look is the image for the fantasy pot Twitter handle. Andy is the patron saint of this, because we are essentially drafting sampler platters. Yeah, I was thinking that. Mini, okay, I'm giving you the mini quiche. Mini quiche. But not the medium quiche.

Well, no, I don't know. It's not medium. It's not even close to the size of a quiche. It's just, it's little. It just seemed like bigger than a bite. Could one be taken off a tray that's being balanced with one hand without throwing off the balance of the entire tray? Yeah, without, just fucking dump it. Sorry, somebody took one of the quiches.

That same guy. Why does Caterwaiter have three fingers? Okay, here's a question. Could I have three in one hand and just kind of pop them? You can. Yeah, you could. That's all I was thinking about was like that somebody

holding that tray. That's what I was thinking about this whole draft is like what I see is walking around. In your head, how many, paint the picture, how many quiches are on that tray? Seven. Okay. All right. Is it a big tray? No, it's just like a, it's not one of those gigantic, I'm bringing out plates of dinner trays.

All right, seven. I'll hear it. I'll hear it. Yeah. Like a paper plate. That's the magic number. Okay. Yeah. Tight. Okay. Mini quiche. Yeah. Like a paper plate. That's the magic number. Okay. Yeah.

Tight. Okay. Mini quiche. Yeah, but again, I've gone on record. But again, I brought up Sue Carmel a bunch. Well. The quiche is she made. Oh, my God.

I can't imagine. Oh, my. It's smoked salmon quiche with cream cheese. I mean, I've been to. Oh, no. That sounds lovely. I've been to enough of the functions. I bet I've had.

You must have had. I bet I've had them at some point. I was at a Thanksgiving one time and it was the best. Well, I wouldn't have been Kish there, but at a graduation party or one of those. I've been to four of those. Yeah, you've had the Kish. Yeah, goddamn right. Big Kish.

They call me Big Kish. Larry Hoover. Why'd you say Larry Hoover? Because of the song where he says that. Rick Ross, they call me Big Meech. He says Larry Hoover? Yeah, right. After that say Larry Hoover? Huh? Because of the song where he says that? Rick Ross, they call me Big Meech. He says Larry Hoover? Yeah, right. After that, after he says-

Larry Hoover. That was my first taekwondo instructor's name, Larry Hoover. That's why I said it. There's a lot to unpack here. Wow. He does say they call me Big Meech, Larry Hoover. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I think I'm Big Meech.

That's funny. I think I'm Big Meech, Larry Hoover. Larry Hoover was your first Taekwondo instructor? What was that dude's deal? See, I know that this is off topic, but let me just come out here and say, I think karate's a scam. If Larry Hoover's not out here teaching it to kids. In the Larry Hoover dojo? I'm in the Larry Hoover dojo?

Wait a minute. He's still, it says Larry Hoover's super karate. It's in the Western mall now. Super karate's not a real karate. Come on. I'm telling you. That's amazing. Larry Hoover.

He taught me at the boys club when I was four, and I got kicked out because I accidentally punched a kid in the face. Then I went over to Sioux Falls. That's not the Taekwondo way. Then I went over to Sioux Falls Black Belt School. The bad boys school. And Larry Hoover was like the competing Taekwondo karate school dojo it's larry hoover's super karate is what it's called he used to go in that he used to work out the same center that

game would have been three dollars for the super nintendo it was like mom why did you give me larry hoover's super karate i want to come through well damn. You just push A until your alimony's due. I forgot to stop at the goddamn money tree, Tristan, so you get Larry Hoover's Super Karate. That's the only video game that the last remaining blockbuster on Earth has. Tell me you can't see the commercial in your head. Absolutely. Come down to Larry Hoover. Breaks a board.

Super Karate. And then, like, board, super karate. And then like a mom walks in. Did Larry Hoover super karate teach you the nunchuck skills that you're so nice with? No. Mr. Darren Mathis of Sioux Falls Black Belt School taught me that. Sure, that name is one to come with respect. That's a name synonymous

with karate in the Sioux Falls community. You think karate in South Dakota, you think Dan Mathis. His taekwondo genesis and super karate oh man larry hoover's getting too hard super karate you need to get a fucking jacket does it's still open yeah god if we do can we sponsor them yeah can we sponsor them like how some people have like it's an just an All Fantasy Everything logo at Larry Hoover Super Karate. Yeah, like some people have Little League teams. All the kids have to listen to that.

Larry Hoover. Because I want it to be kids, but then also like a couple adults taking the power. Yeah, those guys. Yeah, just like a dude who works at UPS is like, I'm not taking no more shit. No. Help me, Larry. Help me defeat my stepdad. Excuse me.

Hoover comma Larry. I'd like Super Karate instructions, please. Excuse me, where's Larry Hoover?'d like super karate instructions, please. Excuse me, where's Larry Hoover? I'd like super karate lessons. I feel like this is a guy who goes, thank you, Sensei. He goes, call me Larry. Sensei was my dad's name. Sensei Hoover.

Oh, man. I'm sweating. Oh, boy. I wish I had gumption to say this when I was four when he kicked me out of Taekwondo. I feel like you learn only half, like he teaches the class with a tall boy in one of his hands, so you only learn half a karate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no right hand strikes.

Real drunken master, Larry Hoover. Larry Hoover. Dan, it is time for your third pick. Okay. My third. See, this is where it's dangerous. Yeah, it gets thick. Here's what I'm doing, because I don't think anybody has it, but maybe they have it looking at the bottom.

Always good. A lot of iterations of this thing. I've always had it great. Stuffed mushrooms. Oh, yes. Yeah. That's on the list. Always good.

Always classy. sometimes it's more of like a cheesier base sometimes it's real meaty but it's it's always great it's always yeah we had them at the uh we had the stuffed mushrooms at the smokehouse did we yeah we did maybe they didn't make it under the table oh we did we did yeah yeah that's what i was thinking of them yeah i i just yeah stuffed mushrooms always great always kind of a classy thing it's not too heavy it's not too heavy. It's not like eating the lavash where you're going to die. You know what I mean?

A little Gruyere baked in there? Yeah, I love it. I love it. Sean, your feelings. That would be, I mean, I hate mushrooms. I can't stand them. But that would be the way that if I were going to eat mushrooms, that'd be how it would get done. Well, because it's not mushroom-y. Yeah, well, it's all the other stuff.

I love all the other stuff. Yeah, especially sometimes you get them really, really big shit in there. The mushrooms are always so wet when you get them. They are wet. See, now it just got so gross. They are wet, you've got to like pop them. Ooh, made it so gross. A lot of good things are wet.

Orcas? Did you hear us giggling over there? There's Larry Hoover, by the way. Oh, that's really him? That's Larry Hoover by the way oh that's really him oh my god everyone let's type in Larry Hoover Sue Falls and go to the third image he looks exactly like you think he does

Larry Hoover or just imagine Larry Hoover and that's it too I honestly assumed his belt would also be his ponytail but other than that it's exactly who you think it is yeah stuffed mushrooms I honestly assumed his belt would also be his ponytail. But other than that, it's exactly who you think it is.

Yeah, stuffed mushrooms. What was it? Stuffed mushrooms. Stuffed mushrooms. Yeah. So, you know, I guess since I never order them, I know you were just doing that. But if I just break that, it's like breaded. It's a mushroom cap? Yeah.

There's various. Put some cheese in there. Could be blue cheese. Tapenade. See, that sounds good. Tapenade. They're not breaded. It's a mushroom cap? Yeah. There's various. Put some cheese in there. Could be blue cheese. Top of nod. See, that sounds good. Top of nod. They're not breaded. Sometimes I feel like it's got like a baked top, and then sometimes it's got like the

melted cheese throughout. Yeah. And it's like. Okay. You can go. I mean, after you're done looking at Larry Hoover, Google stuffed mushrooms. Well, and sometimes they'll throw them in the fryer after that if you're at Buffalo Wild Wings or something like that.

They will deep fry them. Oh, I've never had a deep fried. Yeah. That sounds. Then you kind of pop it. Then you pop it in there. Then you pop it. That's a poppable.

That's a poppable. That's what I'm picturing you holding in your hand while you're talking to someone about darts. Yeah. That's what I think of when I think of. Those tiny stress balls. Yeah. You're like Curious Styles. Yeah.

Where's Trey? I'm just, you ever seen somebody pass a quarter between their knuckles? I did the same thing with stuffed mushrooms. That was in. I was watching. He's flying all over the place. David, you're killing it. I don't care.

I want it to die. It's kids are watching. Yeah. Stuffed mushrooms. Yeah. If one of those comes around like at a, at a industry party on a tray. Oh yeah. That's a grab.

You might make some light convo with the server just to have them stick around for a couple of years. Sometimes you got to let them know that you're in the game of wanting more appetizers too. Hey, Hey, same with the champagne. Come back here. You know,

that's how I get the champagne people too. I've only been to a handful of those parties, but they, people can tell that I'm like the one who wants the free stuff. Cause I like, you can tell they don't want it. They want to get rid of it. I had to be like, it's all free by the way. Yeah. I'm like the one who wants the free stuff. Cause I like, you can tell they don't want it. They want to get rid of it. I had to be like,

it's all free by the way. Yeah. I was like, well then, then show your face around here a little bit. Give me another one of these footlongs and another beer in 10 minutes. You start handing them dollar bills for some reason. After you hear it's free,

you're like, well, keep them coming buddy. That thumb lick dollar bill thing. I feel so rich when i'm tipping on free shit oh it's the best it's like such a good feel yeah i'll drop 20 bucks i don't give a flip night absolutely five are coming out because i had a half a bottle in your mind you had this set aside it like for the drinks or whatever yeah well here you go i go deep fry this dollar

bill bring it back to me i want to it. I got three just like it for you. If the goal is to empty your tray as a, I haven't done catering, but isn't the goal to empty your tray? I think so. Because I'll be your best friend. From the look on the face. Yeah. The goal is take this shit off my tray so I can go in the back and hang out back there for a while. Yes.

Yeah. And I will, I mean, I've been known to take two things at once off a tray. I'll be there. No class. I'll be there. The problem is when you take two things at once, for me, that's always when Emily Gordon walks up. Oh, yeah.

And you have to say, oh, I'm just doing what you think I am. Sean's over there. He asked for this. That's what I'm like, getting three shots of the open bar. I know. Like, yeah, they're for other people. Yeah, you know they're not. They're for you.

You got more gin on the top of your hand than on your glass because you're trying to hold two of them. Yeah. I hate it when it's like getting close to the last call on the free booze. Yeah. And then you got to get up there and be like, I'm going to need six beers. Yeah. Don't fucking say anything. You just hide them.

You put a blanket over them like they're jewels or something yeah you don't want anyone or like they're a child you're trying to hide while you're gonna go fight the war i used to oh man it used to be i used to go to the dollar days at the track dollar beers yeah but they would stop the dollar beers at like four so i'd have to go and get like eight dollar beers and put them on top of a trash can and that's how i ended up probably a good call to stop dollar beers right around four. Oh, yeah. Most of the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They probably should have stopped at three to be completely honest.

To be honest, they should have been two bucks. I had been there since 11. Trash can. But yeah, stuffed mushrooms, I feel good about that. Excellent pick. Alan, time for your third pick. All right, I'm going for number three. I'm going straight down the middle.

Bruschetta. Okay. Bruschetta. straight down the middle. Bruschetta. Just, you know, we got a big hole in our defensive line right now, so we're just getting some Bruschetta. A to B, man. Get the touchdown. Get that garlic on there. More than sap. Really do it.

What do you like? Do you like it brushed? And then would you like a topping on top? I like it pretty wet. I'll say I like it wet. I like the tomatoes, maybe a little cheese. But really just, God, that garlic. It's so good. It's so good. The toastier the better, I say, too.

Right in the middle. I don't know that I like it super wet. Some balsamic on there, too, sure. Okay. Well, you got like a real crunchy, but wet on top. It shouldn't have been wet long. Ben Wet Long, by the way, is what I would expect a dojo sensei to be named. That's actually his disciple, Ben Wet Long.

Larry Hoover's kid. I gave him a different last name because I thought it sounded cool. When I hear wet, I think soggy, So I guess they're not synonymous in this. I get it. All right. You bring up the soggy bruschetta. No, God. There's a place back home, Sorbello's in Orange Park, Florida.

They got the best spaghetti carbonara. They have the best bruschetta. It's a Sicilian family. It's so good. But yeah, it's dripping with the olive oil. You know what I mean? Don't you love those weird Italian food restaurants? Why is this so good?

Yeah. They're in a weird part of it where you're like, this is where the best Italian food I've ever had is? There was this place called Nona Amelia's outside. It was in deep Hillsborough, Oregon. And this was back before Portland was anywhere anyone wanted to eat anyway. But it was this amazingian food in this like weird farmhouse miles from civilization sure and it was just that's where the good italian food was

that sound that's tight that's such a good story though but i guess it's like that's where the italian family settled down and then somebody happened to you know be really good at cooking yeah goddamn right well i. There's really not much you can say about bruschetta. You're too busy eating it. Got a mouthful. It is a mouthful. It does go fast. Bruschetta. Excellent pick.

That's another thing with like, if there's... See, now we've entered an epidemic. I don't ever want to be the person to take the last thing. The last end of it. Depends on what it is. Sometimes it's a power move. Have you had any of them? Well, I always mentally keep track.

I know exactly how many everybody's had. Pretty much any time there's communal food going on. Count carbs. I just want to make sure everyone stays healthy within their means. Well, that's the nice thing about a lot of these options is that you're usually at a wedding or some sort of event where there's the illusion that we got too many of them.

Yeah. You're doing us a favor. Yeah. In the back, it's a Lucy's chocolate situation. Yeah. What do I do with all these Ruscana? Yeah. Why'd we order three tons of calamari?

Let's do it. That giant squid washed ashore we have to do something with you don't need it it's going in the garbage so you might as well i mean you help me out our friend phoebe friend of the friend of the podcast friend of ours in real life hell yeah is a is a caterer and she was telling me she went home with just a bunch of loose ceviche the other night oh that is a come up it is a come, but it's also a weird thing to just have a lot of. I don't know if I want ceviche two days later.

Ceviche, exactly, right? Right, yeah. Even though it's just a ceviche then. But I'm not popping it like I'm popping those deviled eggs. No.

I'm not nearly as excited. Are you doing the deviled eggs in between your fingers too? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of deviled in there by the time you're done.

No, no, no. It's all over my hands. Ceviche. I want that. Yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of deviled in there by the time you're done. No, no, no, no. It's all over my hands. Ceviche. I want that on site. I don't want that in the second place. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Don't follow Ceviche to a second location.

No, do not follow Ceviche to a second location. There's no Ceviche after party. No. Ceviche showed up. Ceviche is Lorne Michaels at the SNL after party. It's a pregame. It shows up. Right there.

It's there for a minute. And it's out. All right. Yeah. I'll be ingame. It shows up. Right there. It's there for a minute. And it's out. All right. I'll be in bed. Bruchetta, excellent pick. It is time for my third and then fourth picks as it is. Serpentine Trap.

Thank you. Okay. All right. I'm going to take us to a trip to the Mediterranean now. Although I guess we've been hanging out in the Mediterranean. We're just there at the Mediterranean. We're swarthy. I'm going to take us to the Mediterranean now. Although I guess we've been hanging out in the Mediterranean. We're just there in the Mediterranean. We're swarthy. I'm going to take us to an earlier civilization.

We were just in Rome for a second. Now I'm going to take us a little further down the Mediterranean to Greece, where we're going to be dining on spanakopita. Oh, great choice. Great choice. I didn't think anyone would pick it. Oh yeah, I love a spanakopita. I love even a trash spanakopita. Like you get a Trader Joe's or whatever.

Oh, sure. Obviously I know what that is, but for everybody who doesn't. For everyone who doesn't. Okay. And I, you know, I just want to hear. Because again, I know exactly what that is. You were a big spanakopita fan. Huge. Probably the biggest. In I want to say northern Midwest. No, I don't know what it is.

I don't either. It is, it's like the filo dough, spinach. Is it a feta? Flaky. I don't either. It is. It's like the phyllo dough, spinach. Is it a feta? Flaky. I think it's like a feta. It's flaky. Flaky, feta cheese, spinach. Okay.

Wrapped and rolled. Is it like a wrap, like a circular situation? I'll pull up a picture for you to see if you can see it. It's all going to click. Oh, yeah. I've had that. I was going to pick that, and it was going to be like a spinach wrap or something. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, but that definitely was on the list for sure. It's delicious. It's flaky. It's real hot inside. The flakiness is thin. It relents and then delivers its bounty. You said it's phyllo dough?

Cheesy. I think it's phyllo dough. That might be the best appetizer dough. Phyllo dough is great. It's a nice description. It relents. You guys want another good party socializing line? Yeah, yeah.

I love them. You get the Hispanic Cote. You go to a group of friends. You're eating it. Maybe it's getting a little messy. You go, oh, boy. This thing flakes on me more than you guys. Oh!

Hey! Los Angeles! Come on. Especially in LA. I like that a lot. How come I've never heard these? Well, because we don't go to parties that aren't riddled with drugs that actually have food in them. When we're around each other, we don't want to eat.

Our jaws are moving a lot. Not a lot of food. It's hard to eat Sofia Coppola or whatever when you're... Sofia Coppola! Sofia Coppola. When you're filled up on black velvet. You know what I mean? That's the social bit at our parties.

Hey, where are all the deviled eggs? And then we all start laughing. Drink up, you know? I get it. Black velvet. By the way, great pick. We appreciate you bringing us anything,

but just to speak on behalf of my two friends here, and Alan, I'll throw you in here just in case anyone starts bringing you free stuff off of the AFA. We love the free stuff. The black velvet, velvet the cutty sark that's what we drink out of necessity if you want to reward me if you want to reward these two

I love cutty sark though you do? I like that bandaid scotch for sure I get too wild it goes straight to the dome I've never seen you get too wild that's because you're too wild. It's too... It goes straight to the dome. I've never seen you get too wild. That's because you're too wild. You're ahead of us all the time.

You caught me there. Can't get anything past you, gentlemen. Boy, you guys are sharp. That's right. Kind of sharp. Yeah, I've seen you fall victim to a sarc attack. Oh, yeah. It's happened.

It's just like sometimes, you know. It's like when Wile E. Coyote runs off the cliff and he's still running, but he doesn't know he's just fucked. That's my last four drinks of Cutty Sharp. Except it's you still at the bar getting more Cutty Sark. Yeah. Just like I don't even know that I'm- Totally down.

David Borey's at home in bed. Maybe we'll have to go back to the roost this weekend yeah sean wasn't here and i have to and i have to go apologize i don't have bad i can't imagine i was it's wild well i don't know what you think you did but i can't imagine the roost doesn't see that on a daily basis on the knife i found on my bed no i'm just'm just joking. Anybody. That was a deer. Yeah, really. No, you... Here's what I think about you. You ran down a deer and killed it. I was like...

At one point, I was like, man, Ian's getting pretty drunk, and then you were gone. Yeah. That was like... So there was no bleed over. You know how the military has those cords

that pull your parachute for you? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, you just like suck out of the plane. They push you in, yeah, and you're just like... Oh, you can't even... It's not up to you.

Where's that app? It's somewhere in my body, apparently. You know what's completely fine with me now is pulling that ripcord for myself, not telling, even you guys. Oh, yeah. You gotta not tell me

because I'm not going to stay. I feel fine being like, they'll figure it out and they're not going to be pissed. Sometimes you gotta go. Oh, don't tell us. Like David said, why are you in the back?

And again, if you guys are gone, I'm like, you know. It was their time. It had to happen. It's so funny because, yeah, I'll talk you out of going. Like, I'm not going to do the same goddamn thing as soon as you turn your back. I'm fucking gone. Zach did it to me last night.

What? After we did Doug Love's movies. I go, hey, let's go to Bird's. He's like, yeah, all right. And then 20 minutes go by and I go, you dip. He's like, yeah, alright. And then 20 minutes go by and I go, you dip? He's like, yeah, I just took off. And I wasn't there by myself, but it was just he just went the other way. And it's

fine. You gotta do it sometimes. Yeah, that's gotta happen. Terminal velocity, you know? It's just being an adult. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what we're doing. I got too drunk to stand up. I'm just being an adult and going, just listen to your body. Tune in.

Okay. So that's three. That's three. It's time for my fourth pick. Oh, okay. Word. With my fourth pick, I know I'm not going to win this draft online, but I'm staying true to my heart. You do it.

I'm taking, its technical name is pate a chow. And it's the puff pastry. You know when there's like, it's got a little hat made out of puff pastry and a little bottom made out of puff pastry? Like a swirl in the middle? There's like a little swirl in the middle. Well, just for the listeners, Ian's slowly unbuttoning his shirt as he's explaining. Yeah, which is crazy because it's unbuttoned the whole time. He's unbuttoning his skin. he's explaining. Yeah, which is crazy because it's unbuttoned the whole time. He's unbuttoning his skin.

It turned out to be a false bottom. There's more taco meat necklaces than you ever thought possible. God, I love a false bottom. Yeah. Right? It's good to find a false bottom. Really? In any situation.

Picture like, so like it's a beanbag chair made out of puff pastry uh-huh and then sitting on top of that beanbag chair is like a sean jordan okay made out of could be pate all right could be some sort of whipped whipped oh like a whipped savory creme free yeah kind of thing how did you have to whip like a shrimp puff wearing a leather puff. Wearing a leather Kangol made out of puff pastry. Yeah, like a shrimp puff they'll have in there. Yeah, yeah. And you kind of squeeze a little bit and then pop the whole thing in there. Those are definitely coming off a tray.

Yes, for sure. Those aren't being put out at like your Aunt Sandy's house. No, this is an hors d'oeuvre. A pastry chef was involved. You're in New York now. You're in New York. How do you say it again? Maybe you did a little too much cocaine.

You don't know how to get home on the subway. No, no, no, no. Well, you always do when you go to New York. That's why you don't go there a lot, you know? But when you do, you did all. Yeah. Pate. So P-A-T-E.

And then A with a little accent over it. C-H-O-U-X. Pate au choux. Pate au choux. Pate au choux. Oh, yes. Those things are great. It's often a sweet thing.

Yes. Like a puff pastry, but like, or a cream puff, it'll look like. But I prefer the savory ones. Yes. Like puff pastry, but like, or a cream puff it'll look like, but I prefer the savory ones. Okay. The buttery flaky stuff goes so well with anything you want to throw in there. We're getting to the breads now. We're getting to the breads. So that's my fourth pick. Okay.

And Alan, it's time for your fourth pick. Alright, I think I gotta do it just because I can't believe it hasn't been pulled out yet, but I'm going to say sliders. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I thought I was going to be able to close on it.

I think I had to make a play. Jerry O'Connell. I think you can kind of keep it open to whatever you want. I would say maybe like a nice pork belly sliders. On the Kings Hawaiian sometimes? On the King's Hawaiian for sure. Yeah. Absolutely.

I forget. My friends always correct me when I fuck these stories up, but I forget. I think it was our friend Steele. We used to call him Dr. Teal Good, T.L. Hughley. He's got a lot of nicknames. Yeah. But we used to, I think we convinced him that there were buffalo or slider flavored buffalo wings.

Wait. Wait. Like slider was a flavor. Like a leaf slider? No, I think we convinced him that slider was a or slider flavored buffalo wings wait wait like it like they tasted like a slider was a flavor that you could order yeah like let me get slider flavored buffalo wings i'm pretty sure is how that went down and so like he did that a couple times before he realized they were a separate thing and they brought him out the kitchen for him anyway they're like all right we'll go get you some wings steel in my if i were the server and i've been, all right. All right, well, here's what we got. We'll go get you some wings, Steel. If I were the server, I'd have been like, all right, some sliders are buffalo flavored.

So maybe he thinks that's what sliders is. So I'm just going to bring him buffalo wings. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm sure Steel was happy with those buffalo wings. Teal. Teal, Hugh. Dr. Teal good? Dr. Teal good.

Triple tall. More teal. Teal tall can. There's another great line, if you guys want to use this. Of course you're full of them. Ask me, hey, why do they call them sliders? Oh, man, these are delicious. Alan, why do they call these sliders?

Because they slide right out of your butthole. Yeah. That did take me on a journey. I wasn't ready. I was not ready for how it ended. By the way, most people write jokes for their parties. Yeah, for their parties. I've got scripts over here.

Hey, just ahead of time, what are you playing on, sir? No sliders? What? Damn it! I'm bringing sliders. Can't use these sound effects. Don't bring my slide whistle. Your slider whistle?

I sometimes, a slider has to be done by a masterful hand. The pulled pork is great because it's a saucy situation. Yes, sure. But sometimes it becomes too much bread for the meat. You know a lot of times that happens. That's why I don't fuck with ground beef sliders. Yeah. I feel like a lot of times.

It's got to be like Wagyu beef or something like that. Yeah, it's got to be like really good. Yeah. Because usually if it's just regular ground beef, they're always so dry. Yeah. You get that tall bread. It's like, you know what I mean? Why is that?

Why are they always so dry? That is very true. I don't know. People can fuck sliders up. Oh, yeah. For sure. But it's a high risk, high reward situation. When they work,iders up. Oh, yeah. For sure. But it's a high risk, high reward situation. When they work, they work.

Oh, they work. Yeah. I like sometimes you'll see one of those like a sort of like pesto chicken slider. Those can be pretty good actually. Yeah. Pesto chicken anything works for me. Yep. I'm in.

They did. When I did the Netflix thing, they had a little after party for it, and it was in Atlanta, and they had chicken and waffle sliders. Ooh. See, that's great. That's so good. Was the bread waffles? Yes.

Perfect. That's wonderful. Oh, man. That's a little crab cake slider, too. It's all sorts of different kinds of sliders. Yeah, Sean. You'd have hated it, Sean. Dude, I'm a crab cake fan.

Yeah. Have you not seen my crab cake varsity jacket that I got the other day? Don't do this to me right now. I was at Goodwill and they had a varsity jacket. It was red and it has green sleeves and it's got a huge leather crab cake on the back. You never seen me wear that? My crab cake varsity jacket that I just got at Goodwill? I like them.

Is it my pick? Let him keep going. We're not allowed to just keep going with this? Smoke the whole carton, you bastard. Tell me more about your crab cake jacket. Smoke the whole fucking thing. You drink the whole bottle. God damn it.

You're going to feel it tomorrow, bud. Hell yeah. See how much you like crab cakes tomorrow. Slotty A's. David, it's time for your fourth pick. Okay. You know what? I'm going to go shrimp cocktail.

Yes! Oh, there it is. I was wondering where he was. Just a big-ass piece of shrimp. I was wondering where he was. Accidentally typed shrimp cocktail over here. I'm kind of okay with that. I'm going to leave that.

All right. What time in the evening does a shrimp turn to shrunk? That's a 4 a.m. in Vegas sort of shrunk cocktail. We got a shrunk cocktail. What do you want? I want a shrunk cocktail. Can we have a shrunk cocktail right now? I want it.

Give it to me. We had a shrunk cocktail again at the Smokehouse. I love having a big old shrimp. It's great. Just one big one, and you don't even need more. You get a little bit of cocktail sauce, and that's it for that round of whatever. I like when there's a separate little pool of horseradish sitting in the cocktail sauce. Yes.

The cocktail bit. There's already horseradish in the cocktail, but it's just in case you feel an extra spicy. And I like, yeah, I love shrimp cocktail. You don't have to eat too much of it. I don't like it when those, have you ever seen one that's those little shrimp, though? You know what I'm talking about? No, that's too small.

Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like that. You can get those, like, you can buy a ring of them at, like, the Ralph's. Yeah, that's what, I want my shrimp cocktail to be, like, two to five shrimps. Yeah, it's meaty.

Somebody brought a, one of those ones, but, like, a homemade, but, like, that size shrimp to Bronger's bachelor party. That's a weird move. When they showed up, I was already drunk, so I hadn't had a sober mindset to associate myself with a shrimp. And I sat there and ate 60 shrimp. Yeah. Oh, man. Just hump, hump, hump, hump.

I got iodine poisoning. Yeah, I ate so many shrimp, I got iodine poisoning Yeah I ate so many shrimp I got iodine poisoning Is that sipping on some scissor We eat so many shrimp I got iodine poisoning That's iodine Me too

Who played Ari Gold? Jeremy Piven. Jeremy Piven. He dropped out of some play on Broadway because he said he ate too much sushi that he got. Mercury poisoning. Mercury poisoning. What a deep level lie. We get it.

You don't want to do the play. Think of the healthiest, dumbest lie I've been eating too much sushi Wow, we get it You're doing well You don't have to do a play Classic Piven Yeah, but no

Shrump cocktail Very easy, very basic Always glad when it's there It's fresh That's a shrimp cocktail. Shrimp cocktail. Very easy, very basic. Always glad when it's there. Fresh. Always. It feels fresh. That's some shit that tastes like the ocean. Yeah.

I thought that would be an earlier ocean. Me too. I was surprised. I was surprised. But yeah, I like shrimp cocktail. I like it. And I like it that you don't taste. You ever have oysters where you taste too much the ocean?

I see. I love that. But yeah, me too. Sometimes I'm like, I don't know if it's the East Coast ones or the West Coast ones. One of those oysters. Well, the finer oysters are going to be sort of an Oregon, Washington product. Sure. Is that the classic?

Okay. I don't know. I just know I got a seafood tower last year. Yeah. They had East Coast and they had West Coast oysters. Wait, was that the seafood tower we got? No. Oh, know I got a seafood tower last year. Yeah. They had East Coast and they had West Coast. Wait, was that the seafood tower we got? No. Oh, no.

Separate seafood tower. Separate seafood tower. Wait, didn't we get a seafood tower? When did we get a seafood tower? When we were in wine country. When you guys were- Oh, we did get a seafood tower in wine country. You guys were in the big seafood restaurant on the big side of town.

I had a good year. I had multiple seafood towers. Yes, you did. We did it, Elizabeth. We did it, Colorado. Yeah, you did. We did it, Elizabeth. We did it, Colorado. Yeah, shrimp cocktail. I love it. Not much to say about it.

Sean, why don't you? It's quite a good yarn about the shrimp cocktail. Why don't you take tilapia, Sean, or whatever? Can I take crab cakes again? Yeah, sure. I can do it again? Yeah. This will be the first time?

Yeah, no, no. Unprecedented. Kumamoto, Yakina, and Neatarts. Those are the good Oregon boys. Okay. You see that on the menu. Kumamoto. Kumamoto.

Yakina Bay or Neatarts Bay. Those are actually Larry Hooper's three signature sweep moves. Kumamoto. Yakina. They're all leg sweeps That he developed on his own At Wall Lake Super karate Super excited for your pick dude

Fourth pick is Bacon wrapped Stuffed jalapenos Oh Damn That's a good pick That's great Stuffed with what?

Cream cheese probably Nice Fried? Yeah So it's a jalapeno pop Wrapped in bacon Yeah But it's not

It's not like breaded though Oh it's not It's baked right? Yeah Well I don't know It it's a jalapeno popper wrapped in bacon. Yeah. But it's not like breaded, though. Oh, it's not? No. It's baked, right? Yeah. Well, I don't know. It's just a jalapeno. Yeah, it's hot.

You know how little I know about cooking. So yeah, baked. No, I get it. I get it. I get it. It's like the jalapeno is hollowed out, stuffed with cream cheese, and then wrapped in bacon, and then cooked. You wrap a strip of bacon around it, seal it with a toothpick.

And then that's how it stays in one delicious bite. There you go. Yeah. They're fantastic. Sounds good. Yeah. Yeah. Spicy.

Yeah. A little bit spicy. Yeah, they're right up my alley. And those will go in sriracha too, if there's some around. You're going to put sriracha on that too? If it's around. You're a wild man. It goes, dude. And then I say, you know, it just slides right out of you, is what I say.

But it doesn't make as much sense as a slider joke. It does not slide right out of you. That's just a, that's just, I'm going to prove it. No, it's. It's, dude. And then I say, you know, it just slides right out of you, is what I say. But it doesn't make as much sense as a slider joke. It does not slide right out of you. That's just a poopy joke. It camps up in there. You got to evict that motherfucker. That shit's not. I got to go evict some tenants. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You behold a pale horse and death follows with it. Like I wasn't watching Tombstone last night. Yeah. Were you? Yeah. Yeah, I was a little bit. Unfortunately, you don't have two buttholes. One for each of you.

I'm looking at two jalapeno poppers. I got two buttholes. One for each of you. One for each of you. To go up. Air horns again. Whoa. Scream.

Bacon wrap jalapeno bites. Yeah, bacon wrap jalapeno bites stuffed with cream cheese. Okay. They are They're fantastic And this Okay So my last pick I don't know that it has a name

Oh I've had it once So it was Like steak Wrapped in lettuce Like a Like a little steak Lettuce wraps

Wrapped Is that Lettuce wraps Is this lettuce chiseled No It's just steak I had it at this party Like a movie premiere That I got to go to.

Like a lettuce cup. Yeah. A lettuce cup. Yeah. A lettuce cup, lettuce wrap. Yeah. Like a P.F. Chang's? Yeah, sure.

I think. I've only been to P.F. Chang's once. I think it's usually chicken at P.F. Chang's, but it's the same concept. Okay. Yeah, just like a steak, lettuce wrap situation, or chicken if you want. I'm choosing steak. That's what I'm picking. Sure.

I didn't know if it had a legit name or not. No, I don't know. Don't look at me. But yeah, they just kind of the same thing. They just took like a piece of meat, wrapped it up in lettuce, and the lettuce is warmed up, which is really nice. I enjoy that. That's a good pick for the paleo demo. Just some like seasoning on there.

Sure. Yeah, sure. No bread, no carbs. Get those out of my way. Don't cut time for those when I'm catching the D train, you know? What's the D train? I take it to work every day. Oh. Yeah, sure. No bread, no carbs. Get those out of my way. Don't cut time for those when I'm catching the D train, you know? What's the D train? I take it to work every day. Oh.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, steak lettuce cups. Yeah. Yeah. Hot lettuce. Hot lettuce. Hot lettuce. When I was looking at this, I was like, man, if I don't know the names for the things that

I'm picking, that just means they're trash. That just means they're... That's how trash people do it. They just put shit together. Is that why you took crab cakes first? Because it's like a hobo wearing a top hat? Kind of. I mean, it was like...

That's 100% what happened. Well, yeah. I was like, this is going to be... I know that they're a great fucking hors d'oeuvre. That's like the hors d'oeuvre that I think of. And I think the second I did it, I felt dirty. Yeah. You know?

It's like I cheated on somebody. I'm sorry for it. And I'm not sorry. But I think we should get past it. He saw your hobo act the second you walked in there. I saw him coming down the street. With that ratty old top hat.

He came with the ratty old, he said, I'm going to sell you a monorail. Yeah. The rest of the town said, monorail? No, I've had this top hat forever.

You just don't see me a lot. Your monocle that you made out of the bottom of a Coke bottle. Uh-huh. You know, if it gets you there, it gets you there. If it magnifies the recipe

for crab cakes that I make at home from scratch with my top hat on. You're a flim flam man. That's what it all boils down to. A charlatan. Okay, steak, lettuce cup. David, tell me your final pick. So this is a weird one. I think this is more of a general

category, but it's still on the table. I'm saying hot cheese-based dip. Like a queso, like a buffalo chicken. Just like those real cheesy bits. Wait, were you with us on the Super Bowl? I forget. Yeah.

You had that Reuben dip I made? And that is also hot chicken. Wait, what? It was crazy. You used your slow cooker. I got myself a slow cooker and a Reuben dip. It's so good. That's amazing.

It's fucking crazy. It was nuts, dude. It was so good. It's cream cheese, sauerkraut, pastrami, and Swiss cheese. Yeah. Uh-huh. And you just slow cook it, and then you dip, you kind of toast rye bread. Yeah.

And you use that to dip in it. That's perfect. It was fucking dope, dude. So good. I'll make it. Next time I make it, I'll let you over. I love those like crock pot cheese based dips. It's always good.

Doesn't matter what you do. It's always so good. Dracula's got a pretty dope buffalo chicken dip that he whips up. Oh, yeah. That was good. I had it. I had it. Little chickeny for me. Really? And I'm not just saying that he whips up. Oh, yeah. That was good. I had it. I had it. Little chickeny for me.

Really? And I'm not just saying that because it went viral. Young viral guy. There was just one notch too much chicken taste in it for me. It's easy to go overboard on the meats because you think you're being decadent, but now you just got too much shrimp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no such thing.

But other types of meat. Shrimp. Shrimp. Shrim yeah. Well, no such thing. But other types of meat. Shrimp. Sure. Shrimp. Shrimp. Shrimp. I'm a shrimp supporter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't blame me. I voted for shrimp. That's the T-shirt. Hot cheese dip. Alan, your final pick? I'm torn between these last two, but I think I got to go. I think I got to. We haven't really seen this region yet.

I'm going to say dumplings, like gyoza. Oh, hell yeah. Something you dip in soy sauce, but like filled with a pork or vegetable or chicken. It's one of my favorite foods, the potsticker. One of the best. Or gyoza. Potsticker, sure, my favorite foods, the potsticker. One of the best. Yeah, the potsticker, sure, yeah. Yeah, the potsticker is perfect. Shumai, a dim sum.

Shumai. I could eat 40. Yeah, easy. More than for me all the time. I could eat more of those than I could buffalo wings. They have those Trader Joe's bags you get. Do they really? I have them in my freezer right now.

Are they microwave? Yeah. Or you can steam them if you get one of those steamers. Holy fuck. If that bag opens, it's not going back in the free line. God, you know, even pizza rolls, if there's like 60 of them, I get upset when I see the bag. I'm like,

make them all. I'll eat them later. Leave them out. You got an extra couple bucks. Oh, leave it out. Pizza rolls all day is great. Yeah. Every time I walk by, I'm like, yeah, I want one. Yeah, I want a pizza roll. Got it. Somebody did that with potstickers.

Leave them out pizza rolls. Leave them out. Yum, yum. Excellent pick. Since it's creeping into the- Get right out of town. Into the late night hours. Get right out of town.

Us? Going a little long? We did another double album, our 83rd one in the row putting the b-sides out again on this on the a-sides uh and stuff for the fire my final pick the final pick of the draft and god you know what like almost everything on my list has been has been taken so i'm gonna take uh i'm going to take a Cuban delicacy. Okay. The croqueta.

Yes, there you go. All right. Yeah. All right, that's good. It's sort of a fried roll that there's like a ground meat or a potato in there. Sounds great.

God, I'm fucking starving, dude. Right? Me too. I'm just going to go order all this. Spend $600. What are we going to eat after this? Jesus Christ. And it's mixed with like a bechamel sauce or like a brown sauce

it's super good there's a place in Glendale what the fuck is that place called if you're in the area just look up Cuban Glendale California it's that bakery there they do great croquetas oh portos you can get them there and they're fantastic look up Cuban Glendale, California. It's that bakery there. They do great croquetas. Oh, Porto's. Porto's.

Yeah, yeah. Wonderful. You can get them there and they're fantastic. Just super good. A lot of this stuff, it's kind of similar food. This is like the Cuban version. It just pops in your mouth. It's delicious. We all love dumplings. Across the world, we all love dumplings.

It's a flaky breaded dumpling. And these trying times and everybody's all fucked up. Just remember, we all come together on shrimp's a flaky breaded dumpling. And he's trying times, and everybody's all fucked up. Just remember, we all come together on shrimp and dumplings. Nobody doesn't like a dumpling. Show me the person. Show me. Show them to me. You know?

Croquette. I won't show you the person. I would never do that to you. You're one of my best friends. I appreciate that. I'm not going to drag that foul spirit in front of you. So that is the final pick of the draft. Uh-huh.

To recap, Sean, you went first. You took crab cakes. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. I was waiting for it. You took crab cakes? I was prepared. I'm prepared.

I'll take my whole medicine. I'll take the whole bottle if you want. If I put a crab in front of you, you wouldn't even know what to do. I would beat it like that sturgeon that your dad beat so many years ago. I would beat it like that sturgeon that your dad beat so many years ago. You would never even touch it before you'd run to your room. I'd have to take care of it.

You would. But I would happily do it because I love you. Crab cakes, pigs in a blanket, mini quiche, bacon-wrapped jalapeno bite, and then a steak lettuce cup. David, you went second. You took calamari, lavash, stuffed mushrooms, shrimp cocktail, hot cheese dip. That's a fucking strong lineup, man. I'm getting hungrier. I feel like I closed out the lineup.

That's a real strong lineup. You don't care who wins the finals if you see that. You're like, oh, whatever. We're going to have some good games. Yeah. Maybe that's not what you put out when the boss is coming over, but that's what you put out when people you actually care about are coming over. Yeah, it's for people I love.

Yeah, for people you love. Alan, you went third. You took a charcuterie, which is what a pick. Smoke salmon, asparagus, and capers, bruschetta, sliders, and then potstickers. Yeah. Another strong lineup. Very strong lineup. That's just for me.

Hell yeah. I went last, and my fancy putting on airs ass started with the deviled egg. Great choice. And then went caviar, creme fraiche, bellini, spanakopita, pate a chow, and the croquette. Mr. Fancy. Now say it fast. Spanakopita, pate a chow, croquette. Caviar, creme fraiche, bellini, spanakopita,ita patea chal croqueta. Cavadio, crem fish, bellini, spanakopita patea

chal croqueta. I barely know her. Yeah. No, I said rectum. You can say it in Catholic intonations. Cavadio, crem fish, bellini, spanakopita patea chal croqueta. Yeah, like that. In honor of the Met Gala, which we all attended.

Boy, to me and Blake Lively, huh? Oh, boy. Right there. Oh, my God. Blake Lively. The sliders at the Met Gala were amazing. It was so good. I don't know what Christ ate that day, but his body was popping.

We left some good stuff on the board. Mozzarella sticks. Yeah. Oysters Rockefeller. Oysters Rockefeller was on one of those too. Oh, damn. You know what I was going to take? We went to the sea too much.

Meatballs with your recipe, but I felt like a dick doing it. Oh, please. With your like that jelly. You put grape jelly in there. I made just a real basic ass meatball with a grape jelly. With a grape jelly though, and it was so good, dude. So, yeah. Whew.

Came out pretty tasty. It was dank, yeah. What else did we leave on the- I put empanadas. I had empanadas. Empanadas are good. That's all the same kind of- Kind of like triangles of stuff inside of them. Devil's on horseback, which is like a bacon-wrapped date kind of thing.

Oh, okay. I had fruit dip. You ever get like the yogurt-based kind of fruit dip? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was going to say bacon-wrapped shrimp. Oh, yeah. I was going to say bacon-wrapped Brussels sprouts I was going to say bacon-wrapped Brussels sprouts. Bacon-wrapped scallops.

Little brown sugar on top. Brussels sprouts, not a bad choice. I've been doing that lately. Little brown sugar on top. It's so good. San Su would make an acorn squash with a little brown sugar. See, I like that. I want to get in on the squash game.

Yeah. I feel like I could make some real moves. This autumn, we'll put it on the Google calendar right now. Hell yeah. This autumn, we'll get into squash. Every way you can be into squash. We should also go play squash. Eating squash.

Playing squash. You guys want to go to Harvest Con? Yeah, we're going to Harvest Con. Any beef we have is getting squashed in the fall. I'm going to go to the gym and do a bunch of squash thrusts. Hmm. They're not all hits, you know? Hey, you know what? Or they're not even. That's a D-side. Is it a D-side? Do a squash thrust. I'm going to go to the gym and do a bunch of squash thrusts. They're not all hits, you know?

That's a D-side. Is it a D-side? Do a squash thrust. You lost the room with the crab cake thing. I feel like it would have played better, honestly. Everyone's mad at me. Until we record again. Until next time. It's two weeks from now. Hat sauce. David's going to be hissing the whole ride home. Hat sauce.

Hat sauce, dude. Those are our lists. We'd love to hear yours. Yeah, for real. Everyone on Twitter, on Instagram, emailing us. On the AFE subreddit. Special shout out to the AFE subreddit, by the way, for carrying the banner while we – I just didn't make us a Twitter page for the longest time.

First, when I thought that 15 people would listen to this podcast and my mom would be all 15 of them. And then second, it just didn't happen. I'm a busy guy at the gym every day. Nominated for others. Being Jewish. Being Jewish. Being Jewish is a full-time job.

Running a farm. Chungus needs my full attention. So I didn't make a Twitter page for the longest time. I'm needy. I need a lot of attention. Boy right? So I didn't make a Twitter page for the longest time. And I'm needy. I need a lot of attention. Boy, we're all busy boys.

And the AFE subreddit really carried the... So if you... Still doing it. It's fucking sick. If you're like me and you've never... Like, I'm not a Reddit guy, you know? You never have been. Because I'm a gym guy. I'm an Emmy guy.

That's the only thing I go on Reddit for is to pop in and look at the subreddit. Me too. And it's so worth it. I've never fucking read it before. But if you listen to this podcast and you just want to sometimes chat about this other shit with other people, that's a great place for it. So I just wanted to send them and the guy who runs it, just send them some extra love right now. He's from Denver, right?

The guy who runs it? I don't know. You've said that before. I thought Milwaukee, because he texted me. His name is Tom Sturdy. He said he was going to come to my Milwaukee show that he couldn't afford. And I was like, I just didn't get it until later. But I was like, dude, I'll...

I'm not good for the good one. Yeah. You know, I'm not worthy. But I was like, of course, I got your ticket. So is he from Milwaukee? I think. I mean, I was in Milwaukee. I don't know what, you know.

I don't know. Anyway, special shout out to everyone on that subreddit and especially to Tom Sturdy. Hell yeah. For doing that and continuing to do it. Holding it down, dude. It's fucking sick. I just really, really appreciate that. Appreciate the whole AFE family out there.

I miss this. I miss being gone for two weeks. Like, I was out of town and I missed exactly what we're doing. We missed you. Sitting here, bullshitting. It's the funnest thing in the world. We missed you. Also, thank you for your feedback on the Patreon.

Patreon? Patronus. Patronus. Whatever it is. We're going to start a Patronus. Patronus. Whatever it is. We're going to start a Patronus. I think it's a thing we're going to start up and we're going to start building a little more stuff into that. So we've got some fun extras for you. I got some ideas.

Oh, you know what? So I talked to the guy who recorded me rapping that Tupac song. It's a hat sauce. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? He has it. Oh, really? And I was like, you think I'd get that? He goes, he goes. That should be a bonus Patreon. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? He has it. Oh, really? And I was like,

you think I'd get that? He goes, he goes, Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. That would, boy, it would suck. But, you know,

that'll, I imagine that'll be something. That's the $10,000 tier. You gotta earn it. And at the end of 12 months of paying $10,000 a year. I'm gonna have to listen to it before anybody else does,

but I think it's, I think I'll let it out. Elon Musk, where'd the check at? So, yeah, Grimes is probably spending that I think I'll let it out. Elon Musk, where to check at? So yeah, just Grimes is probably spending that. Grimes. Oh God.

What was, what was, what's going on in the world right now? Where we're at. And all. State of affairs as it were. Well, for God's sake,

thank you for listening to all fantasy. Everything. We love you. Shout out to the subreddit. Shout out to everyone on Twitter. Shout out to the saints. Shout out to Frankie ocean. And most importantly, make sure you tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

Shacklackity! that was a hate gun podcast