All Fantasy Everything - Hot Sauces (w/ Dirk Marshall, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: September 21, 2023

The stuff you have in your bag (swag).Episode Guest:Dirk Marshall @VHUS_Podcast (IG: @VHUS_Podcast)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy. Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting hot sauce. Our guest today is one of my oldest friends, a dear friend, a professional podcaster, but most importantly, one of the two figures behind Marshall's hot sauce, Dirk Marshall. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And with me as always are my friends, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

The podcast that has threatened to drink a pint glass of hot sauce on more than one occasion. So many times. So many times. So many times. It's kind of just, I wonder if I could do it. I don't. We were just talking about it again this weekend because I ate a cricket. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Okay, so we drafted

I don't think it's out yet. By the time this is out. Yeah. Sean, you go ahead. Oh, this will have come out. We were going to draft, so we were going to actually do it. Oh, wait, so this will have come out we were going to draft so we were going to actually do it oh wait so this will have come out we fantasy drafted Bugs and Sean went Crickets Grasshoppers back to back

which felt there was a lot of perception amongst people on the podcast me specifically and then also i think i'm gonna say amongst listeners even though it hasn't come out yet i'm going to forecast i'm sure yeah they're easily swayed it was it was aggressive to go crickets grasshoppers back to back i thought that there was the same thing yeah i think when we were at a gas station adam found he found these crickets like edible craigickets. I was like, oh shit, dude, now I gotta eat one.

Adam ate one in the car because he's a lunatic. I had a couple beers and then I was like, I'll eat one. So I'm out there saying crickets don't scare me. I pull one out of the box and I just, I go, and I threw the rest on the ground. He's like, what the hell are you doing? These are, it's like they're sunflower

seeds, basically. And I ate one. You said at a gas station like you bought it in the gas station or it was outside it's like oh okay that's different yeah fried crickets so i ate one and they really did just taste like a sunflower tastes like a ranch sunflower seed but it looked like a cricket and uh the interesting part of that story to me was the now i gotta got to eat them. What do you think? Part of the deal. I can't talk all that noise.

There's bugs right there. I'm not eating any of the bugs we were talking about. I'm not going to eat a butterfly. If there were prepared butterflies right there at a gas station, you wouldn't. No. What? No. I would have.

Any bug we talked about. Well. Actually, I don't know. Maybe i would have any bug we talked about well actually i don't know maybe i would maybe anybody i'd eat a part of any bug we talked about some of them are too big to eat they'd be like a whole sandwich but well i wouldn't eat a scorpion i'll tell you that does your draft how to prepare each bug is that part of it as well no their edibility was not like any part of i don't think it was really considered in the draft very much. I think we talked about it with crickets, but. Yeah. Could you eat a scorpion? You could probably deep fry the poison out of anything, right?

And just eat it? I don't know. I think you should. The answer to that. Look at a scorpion. For sure. That's a sure. For sure.

Show up. Show up to High Plains. See if you don't see me eating scorpions. Oh, that'll start. That'll be tomorrow oh when this comes out wow Sean so instead if you come to the live AFE's in

Denver Sean is going to be on a rather than sitting down he's going to be doing knuckle push-ups on broken glass and every time he dips down he's going to eat a scorpion so come on out we'll do the plugs at the end but that was just something for fun oh yeah we'll do yeah we'll do our uh we'll do our dates at the end but the one so sean jordan's here david boy is here

dirk marshall is here hello we we usually do the plugs at the end but this is a very dirk and i were at an improv we started improv together the very first time i ever did yep any kind of comedy was an improv class at portland state university and Dirk and I, like, we paired together, warmed up together. I feel like it was the first day. I don't know if I remember that correctly, but I remember us sitting cross-legged across from each other. And I was just like, I like the cut of this guy's jib. And I felt the same way. Don't take this the wrong way.

But what a crazy class where two awesome people actually were. Well, there were more. class where two awesome people actually were there was a dude who would make like who was into swing dancing who would make a fake door opening noise when he opened doors so improv it was very much that it was what year i mean this was what 2006 i think it was early i i don't know was i was i married then i guess i must have been yeah i met you in 09 so uh you know before that it would have been before i'd ever did stand up this was like before that huh and the people doing improv back then were exactly who you thought they were yeah were you a freshman that then or a sophomore sophomore okay yeah yeah cool yeah it was reading level of a freshman

that was wild uh yeah yeah yeah yeah high school freshman got it move on isaac stop it right there that's it that's it we didn't get to the draft john shot my head off crushed him crushed him like a can uh uh we were we were we we did all sorts of communicator prizes together we were mostly improv and then fast forward to the i'm just trying to do the reader's digest version of all this please yeah tell us about the tell us about marshall's hot sauce company in the in the beginning yeah the Yeah. So when we met each other, it was a wild time. So I had gotten married. My life was changing. I was growing up, sort of. And my wife started doing social work. And I was like, this seems important. So I got into social

work. I found what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, which was kindergarten through third grade behavioral life skills. It just felt super important to work with a nonverbal population. And we both did that for like 10 years. And then one day Sarah made the one of our sauces and the kids that she worked with, you don't get a lot of compliments in social work. I left that part out, but the kids don't want to work with you. The parents don't like you working with their kid. So it's really fun. And that's hard, man. Yeah.

So she made this sauce and the kids were like, Ms. Marshall, this is really good. And she was like, it was like that part where the Grinch's heart swells really big, you know? And so she's like, maybe there's something to it. So she took business classes through something in Portland called Mercy Corps Northwest. They do a bunch of amazing work.

And then she's like, okay, let's launch with these four sauces and you know because we came from social work it was just all built on creating community so we knew we wanted to work with local farmers to help them out and tell their story and uh and it just grew from from there and that was 12 years ago damn Damn, that's so sick, dude. And now I can get, like I can buy them at bougie grocery stores here in LA. You can. I get it at the airport

when I'm flying back home to LA from PDX. I always pick it up at, what is that store called? Tender Loving Empire. Tender Loving Empire. Yep, yep. I grab it there.

Up in the farmer's markets, dude. In Williams-Sonoma, if you're ever in Shanghai or Tokyo, you can get our gift packs. I am. For all our work. grab it there it is up in the farmer's markets dude in william sonoma if you're ever in shanghai or uh tokyo you can get our gift packs i am there you go we're doing we're mostly we're moving to be a mostly shanghai based podcast actually yeah it's been really wild because the time that we've been friends i've watched you go from the improv days to starting stand-up to maybe teaching improv to then like writing on shows and all the while like responding back and forth to each other like hey this is happening or

i'm doing this thing and it's it's super cool to have stayed in contact and then of course watch all fantasy everything go from a show that's like forming and then david and sean become a part of it and it just like gels and then where you've all gone in this time, it's been just amazing to see. Now you want me to start crying? That's what you're shooting for? No, I can tell you a story about my daughter that would make you cry. I'm welling up. Seriously, man, that's rad.

That's so cool to hear. Well, to put a, I don't want to say exclamation point because those come at the end of a sentence. But like a really, like a really cool looking semi-colon, like a really fun font in the Marshall's hot sauce story. As of last week, you can, you can now break the news.

Oh, I get to say it now. You can say it now. Okay. Before I say it, let me say, I'm really excited to say this, but I want to preface it with a huge, huge appreciation to the all family everything.

Because over the years, anytime that you guys have mentioned us, people have showed up at like the Portland Farmers Market where we're at from like March through October to Portland Night Market. They come up and they're like, hey, I heard you mentioned on All Fantasy Everything. And then I get to talk about something that's not me, which is super fun. And then we laugh about the episodes. So I just want to say that we've been on shows, commercials, TV, whatever, and it'll move the needle a little bit for sales, but not people like for people to leave their home and come see you. That's really amazing. So I thank you for that. And for all of you listening, you can watch season 22 of Hot Ones where you'll see Marshall

Sotas' Whiskey Smoked Ghost. Sean Jordan's a bit of a whiskey smoked ghost. It is. It is. Hands down. It is so much my favorite, that one. oh baby god damn it i'm still

i wouldn't i wouldn't be surprised if it got brought up later in a little while i just we made it better just so you know you were saying pics immediately i already said it i know you could have played it cool you would have been like i didn't say why did i say i might bring it up after we're done i live marshall and and I, we don't live too far apart from each other. Yeah. I was going to say a sauce, but now I'm going to play close to the vest because I'm going to bring it up later.

My favorite. Of the hit sauces. My favorite. Speaking of which, we are gathered here today, not only to congratulate Dirk thank you on being on hot ones well i wonder what i mean it's crazy they get like crazy celebrities in there we were guessing who was going to be on and i was like oh probably like abe vagoda yeah probably yeah

and then my wife was like you're just picking picking ghosts. And I was like, I guess it's just, yeah, I'm going for, they get the big polls. I don't know. Harvey Fierstein. Do you know who it was? Right. It's out, right? No, no, no. Oh, no, you don't know. No, they don't tell us the lineup or anything. Oh God, that's cool. Yeah, it's all a big reveal we're trying to figure out

how to have some kind of like watch party situation because it's a big deal and uh and we're like you don't know who you're gonna get and you don't know what they're gonna say so you could like have a party and the person could be like this is awful and you're like oh my god i feel diarrhea forming i've never felt this before what if it was harvey feierstein hosting hosting Harvey Fierstein on Hot Ones? What do we think that would sound like? Deep gravel. Fierstein on Fierstein?

Oh, my God. This is one of my favorite hot sauces I've ever had. It's never been done before. A question about your personal life. Please, I'm an open book. Any question you have, I'd be happy to answer it. What was the name of your first dog? The name of my first dog was Dolores Claiborne, Sr.

Same. She had an allergy to apricots, so I had to keep her out of the kitchen. Because, of course, at that time, we always kept an open bowl of apricots in the kitchen. And an open door policy. But that was Hell's Kitchen in the 70s. Well, back then, stone fruits were good luck, so you just had to. an open bowl of apricots in the kitchen and an open door policy, but that was Hell's Kitchen in the 70s. Well, back then, stone fruits were good luck, so you just had to.

We used to talk like that at a bar for hours, I think. For hours? Drinking rumplements. Okay, so we are getting into fantasy draft hot sauces, and the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Oh, we gotta throw it again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Damn, David wins. A natural victory. A paper over two rocks. David is the winner of rock, paper, scissors. It is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before we do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. What is that?

That's a great question. It's going to be quick. It's like putting hot sauce on an omelet from the top to the bottom, moving left to right the whole time. Oh, girl. Basically what that means is that you pick fourth in the first round. You pick first in the second round now david with that in mind what will the order of the hot sauce fantasy draft be there's no wrong spot here no that's not

i want to go actually sean no yeah oh yeah actually sean let me Thank you. David Dirk Ian. Hot corner. Nice. That's pressure, dude. Yeah, not on me. I'm so curious to see where you're going to go first, Sean. I had to. Oh yeah, I love it. I have no idea what your first one's going to be at all.

This is nerve wracking. Sean, you're on the clock. I'm looking at my shit and I'm like, oh. You're on the clock. And we're going to get to that first picture on Jordan in the hot sauce draft right after the short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Babbel.

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quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. And we're back. Welcome back to All Pins. You have everything already in progress. The only podcast that has ever existed. This is it. Except, of course, for Dirk's podcast. Oh, thank you. Yeah, of course. What do you want to tell the people about right now? Oh, sure. It's called VHS because I'm really smart and said, why don't I name it off of a very dead form of physical media? So I basically I was born and raised in a video store. My dad had a video store and I grew up in the aisles.

And so I've always related to people through movies. So I started a movie podcast and the traditional sense of the episodes, it's each episode is about a film and the guest has that profession portrayed in the film. So some of the episodes we've done, I did Punchline with Ian Carmel. I did Toxic Avenger with a janitor. There was a film about a stand-up comedian that grows an arm out of his back called The Dark Backwards. I had Sean Jordan on for that one. Megan Gailey's been on there. And then a lot of people that just have like regular jobs. So like, what's a good day

like for an exterminator? So I find a movie about a killer rat, call up an exterminator and ask the stranger to watch this movie and then come to my house and talk to me. So that's kind of what I do. It's very weird. But if you're looking for kind of movies off the beaten path, that's what it is. So that's VHUS Podcast. And that's the only other podcast, just in case anyone's curious. Those are the two. Now, Sean Jordan, we've bought you as much time as we could. Yeah, I know.

It's tough. There's no right answer. You are what I would consider the preeminent hot sauce man that I know. Yeah. I don't know when it happened real quick best movie exterminator john goodman and arachnophobia get out get out of town you just don't get any better that's true so it's tough because there's like there's like six or seven that are all my first easily in rotation so what i'm going to do first i'm going to pick also let's also sorry i'm sorry

to interrupt sorry to keep no please interrupt when we are we talking about this like because this can be a very broad topic this can be very specific are we we're trying to be a little more specific brands that have very different kinds within the brand that i think so i like if you pick one you don't get i think every kind of that hot sauce i think you're right i agree with that too yeah they're wildly different and we can i think we feel like we can debate as we go but i feel like it's all pretty we'll all be pretty clear i think okay great um we one of the early inciting incidents of this or like early stories in this podcast was me watching you put hot sauce on on iceberg lettuce yes yeah as a dresser bro i still i mean it's so i think what my whole thing with hot sauce is where it started is it

started it made it so i liked something that i didn't like so i think what it started when i moved to portland i went in this crash yeah i. I just put it on all these Italians. They're fine. Yeah. We can be in the same movie. So I'd put it on green beans. I would eat green beans and a chicken breast every night for dinner. And I was like, I had to, I don't know, whatever. I could eat green beans now, but I wasn't cooking them. They were just out of a can. So I put hot sauce on them. Same thing. And this is disgusting, but I'd have a raw tuna fish sandwich every day for lunch with nothing on it. Like no mayo or nothing, just tune out the can. And then I put hot sauce on it and it made it. So it didn't'd have a raw tuna fish sandwich every day for lunch with nothing on it, like no mayo or nothing, just tuna out of the can. And then I put hot sauce on it and it made it so it didn't taste like a raw tuna fish sandwich. Pretty gross combination now, but it was like 13 years ago.

And then, yeah, I just kind of, I just, I can't operate without it anymore. Yeah. So that being said, first one, I've grown to like a little bit of a thicker sauce. And this is the most bang for your buck. I'm really trying, man. I've grown to like a thicker sauce. This is the most bang for your buck. It comes in a big bottle.

It's easy to get out. You don't have to really shake it too much. So I'm going to go Valentina's. God damn it. What? I was like, there's no way Sean's going to take Valentina's first. I can for sure get it. Motherfucker.

It's about $3. God damn it. You get a huge one. It's thicker, so it doesn't make things runny. So like putting hot sauce on a pizza or something, I don't want it to run off. And I used to not care. But now this is so crazy. Now when I look at my plate, if I see like drops of stuff, it grosses me out.

I don't like that. Or like wet burrito, whatever can keep it. You don't like wet food, huh? I don't like wet food. I had a chicken wrap at the airport the other day that I almost barfed up. You know how they get watery on one side? Anyway. Yeah.

Yeah, man. Valentinas. It comes out uh easy you can you don't have to shake it nothing wrong with that but yeah and it's the best it's not too hot huge come up for valentina's i i i'm a huge valentina guy i was i was gonna take it first were you really yeah it was my first it was when we said we were gonna do this it was the first thing in my brain now i feel bad was it your first hot sauce david uh i think it was my first hot sauce as far as like me going to the grocery store i gotta buy hot sauce okay yeah yeah you know what i mean

but yeah i mean i love it too easy to recycle that's it's easy to rinse out i mean everything about it is the best to me. And I'll put hot sauce in a ramekin now and just dip stuff in it. It's no surprise. I'll just dip tortillas in them. And that's one of the better ones for that. You know, the spice is perfect. It's not too much for you.

Some of the other ones have grown to be a little much for me. I'll still fuck with them. But yeah, Valentinas, right out of the gate. I know you've been really expanding your vocabulary lately, but but for some reason the word ramekin really hit me i don't know are you new to ramekin thank you to everybody shout out to everybody who gave me gave me the propers on the on the big words on the last one or whatever that was whenever this comes out yeah that's in a good place uh i think it's because ramekin is such an industry specific term that it's strange to hear it outside uh here in the world dude that was on our wedding registry laura

this is this is like one of the best things about being totally in love with someone and knowing them in and out is it's like when it's reciprocated she put ramekins on our wedding registry and didn't tell me and then we just got some as a wedding gift. I was like, Whoa. He goes, yeah, now you don't, now you don't have to like put it on the plate. And like,

you know, it's central. It's like, doc, that was a gift for both of you. You don't have to look like an animal when you eat. You can take the ramekin and the tortilla shell in whatever room, eat it there.

Do you have Alfredo sauce? Come back to the public place. Like a raccoon. Yeah, Valentina's. Valentina's. Love it, love it, love it, love it. Man. Good for Valentina's. Good for Sean Jordan.

Not good for David Borey, who just had his first pick swooped out. Yeah, I was not ready for that. Didn't mean to do that no it's fine what do we do yeah come on come on i think i have to go with my head over my heart for my first pick now love not lust because i started to read the second chapter in this baby book and we're out we're out at this wedding and i was like i gotta read this chapter and krezak he's like a chapter i gave myself she's not gonna be a baby when it's over he goes you can really and he krezak's the

nicest dude on the planet so he didn't even say anything that i was like yeah chapter he's got to read a chapter so anyway i got the audiobook does this stuff even apply to max anymore so anyway i got the audiobook got it done at the airport is this still like if david was asking is this stuff still applying yeah she's a yeah she's she's getting she's getting emotional so this is toddler stuff is that baby stuff all right uh yeah i think i have to go with just i have my heart but i think i can get those so i'm going just one of the more famous ones it took america by storm there was a shortage

i gotta go with i gotta get sriracha yeah do you know anyone that says sriracha yeah tons i don't know anyone that says it like that but i had a lady come up to me at the farmer's market and see the word jalapeno and say what's a jalapenos so it's different i mean a lot of operations yeah what kind of life are you living where you don't know what a jalapenos is at this point yeah where do you go yeah did you even go to public school come on i feel like the jalapeno has been mainstream for a while now i just said i don't know and then we just stood there in awkward silence for a while and then she walked away i was like i don't know how to deal with this situation at all yeah yeah yeah it's so i guess it's not a mystery that those people exist in the world it's just strange that they found this

themselves at a farmer's market yes where they're like well acquainted with like okay so is this like a rindy brie or is this more like is the bloom on the rind or what the fuck is a jalapeno? You encounter people that go just for the social aspect, you know, like the elderly at a grocery store or something where they just want to. That'll be me. That'll be me. That's already me sometimes. Yeah.

There was one guy, I'll tell you really quickly, that came up and tried our barbecue sauce. No one picked that one. And he's like, is there barbecue sauce in this? And so I thought, I'm just going to repeat what you just said back to you. And I said, are you asking me if there's barbecue sauce in that? And he said, no, is there barbecue sauce in this? And I said, are you asking me if there's barbecue sauce in the barbecue sauce? And he goes, yep. And I said, no. And he goes, then why does it taste like barbecue sauce? And it just disappeared into the crowd. And I was like, what just happened? That person was sent by somebody.

Yes. Yeah. I think about him all the time. Years ago. Sriracha, great pick. If you were to answer that question correctly, we'd have a different president right now. That's true. That is true. Not the one you're thinking thinking and maybe some lower gas prices and a lower apr that's all

i'm gonna say lips are sick sriracha is a fantastic yeah you gotta it's first round you gotta just gotta you know in my brokest days a one dollar1 pizza, some ranch dressing, and some sriracha. You couldn't tell me there was a better food available. It still, and say what you want to say, that still sounds fantastic to me to eat today. A little Totino's. A little party pizza. For days. Make a little taco out of it, a little calzone.

You can't tell me I'm wrong. It's so good. I mean, this is a big hit or pick. It's got the fish out of it, a little calzone. You can't tell me I'm wrong. It's so good. I mean, this is a big hit or pick. It's got the fish sauce in it, right? Don't tell Sean. I don't really know what it's got in it on purpose, but I know that it's a thick sauce. And as I says, that'll stay on anything.

Like some of these, you have trouble dipping fries in them or something, but sriracha, you can go ahead and scoop that with a Frito, baby. Yeah. It's great. It also plays really well with soups and things. If you have a ramen or something, you can add a little bit of that in there. Whereas some of the other things we'll name would be like, it's still edible, but it's going to be a little weird.

Yeah, definitely. Definitely. You need a ketchup. Well, sriracha is one of the big reasons I want to get Panda Express to go you know i mean get it back to the crib and do what i like yeah i tell them the whole car ride too i'm like you don't even know you're gonna be you're gonna be drowning you put the sriracha on everything from panda express ah yeah man i'm sure yeah i mean no judgment in that listen no yeah i think i mean i'm not the one to add david's one to ask i'm not i'm gonna give you two broad answers yeah i mean if you look in my fridge right now it's i have

valentina not sriracha but here we are so quite i'm glad it got brought up do so i don't put anything in the fridge except sriracha without naming anything are so quite i'm glad it got brought up do so i don't put anything in the fridge except sriracha without naming anything that's already been named so like valentina stays in the cupboard for me i don't i don't like uh i don't like any of these getting cold well i have a valentina the size that it doesn't fit in the fridge right now dude one of those like one of those torpedo missile looking i mean, I can go grab it. It's alarming. I'd like to see it. Yeah.

I've seen them. They got them at Costco. They're big, dude. I'd like to see it. They look like super soaker cartridges. I'm excited to see this hot sauce. I won't put sriracha on like orange chicken for some reason. I don't feel like those two go super well together. You feel like the full, that's the thing with hot sauce in general is like it cannot power almost or overpower almost any flavor

that's like an eight ball i did not think it was going to be as big as that you put it on a water cooler dude that i want david to get back on that looks like an eight ball of Mickey's. That is crazy. It's huge. That's really big. This is like a year and a half's worth so far. Maybe even, I think I got it right when I moved to Colorado. So you moved it. It didn't take like a taco truck a while. No, no, no. I got it like, it was like my first Costco purchase when I got it back.

Yeah, that's so, man, that's great. You got to pour it into other containers a lot. That's an optimistic amount of hot sauce. It's not going down fast. Uh-uh. Oh, man, that's awesome. Sriracha is one of those, it's got a lot of sugar in it. That's when you got to keep your eye on.

Because a lot of hot sauces are like, if I'm trying to eat, if you're trying to eat healthy, it's a little secret weapon because you can put it on, like you green beans and then all of a sudden you're like i can you know this is fine it doesn't really add any calories it adds sodium but sriracha got all it's very sweet yeah very sweet yeah man it's the best though when they have we went to get tacos the other day in whatever small town in colorado and they had some. We were getting the tacos to go. Probably three-fourths of the bottle went in a to-go cup with us. I just went nuts with it. At a restaurant, they get no slack. Sriracha wasn't produced until in the 1940s.

Really? Well, dude, I didn't know about it until seven years ago or something. Eight years ago. I don't know. Sriracha. Dirk something. Eight years ago. I don't know. I don't either. Dirk. Yep. It's time for your first pick.

Your first pick. I don't know if I'm going to say everything. Oh. Okay. Perfect. I will preface it. All my picks are both my wife, Sarah Marshall, who is the chef of the sauce company, Marshall's Hot Sauce, and my picks.

We composed these together. Okay. And we were 100% like, there was no like, well, this has to be on there. We were like, one, two, three, four, five. That's what it was. That's so sick. What if I get staked?

You don't have a six, man? I don't. I hope it doesn't get set. Oh, God. Okay. All right. So there was only going to be one number one for me, and it's because it changed my life. And so I have to take the habanero carrot curry from Marshall's Hot Sauce. Yeah. to go David first, then me. So I got what I wanted. Cause I didn't want anyone to feel

obligated, obviously to pick something because I was here and the habanero carrot curry was our first sauce and it changed our lives. Literally it changed our trajectory. I don't have the profession I used to work in anymore. I, my boss is the person I love the most on the planet. And we worked together every, She, she, yes. Oh, wait, you do that for God, not Jesus. Jesus, we call her. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, we're the Jesus.

I'll get letters. It's just got like beautiful floral notes from the habaneros, sweetness from the roasted carrot. The bridge between the two worlds is like this curry spice blend that I just, I'm absolutely addicted to it. And it doesn't, the heat doesn't hang out for a long time. Sometimes once you get up in the habanero and higher, it's like you got this eight minutes that you're like sitting with after the flavor goes away.

And if you try eating it, it's going to stack. I didn't know there was a time. Is that like a known thing in the hot sauce world? There's like eight minutes about? I just know that from one of our sauces because I had a guy in an event come up to me and he's like, when does this end? And I looked at, I was like, he's probably got like three or four more minutes. You had a weakling come up to you, by the way. That sauce is perfect. on everything. It got me through my old job. It was what I looked forward to because my lunch was after the kids left. And, uh, and now, you know, people come up after 12 years and they're like, this is my favorite sauce. And it just means the most to me. So it's, it's huge. So that was my

number one. This would have been on my list, whether you on this podcast or not this, I remember, I remember when you guys started the company and I was like, well, I'm going to try this and love it just because I love these people no matter what. And then this was the first one I had, much like a lot of people, because it was the first one. Holy fuck. It's so good. I remember just pouring it on almonds and then sitting there and then just because it was something to put it on. You know what I mean?

Because I felt like it would have been more dignified than just chuggingging it out of the bottle i mean you could put it in a pint glass dude yeah it's basically it's basically a drink we i felt bad when we lived together at the fortress because uh you got some ragouts it was there and i used we probably got all of it you probably sent it to us i did right yeah i used almost all of that in about two days. And I was like, holy buckets. Sometimes I don't realize what's going on. You're like, man, it's just going. You black out.

I wake up and I'm full and it's gone. Yeah. You eat burritos that were more hot sauce than burrito. Well, dude, it's the only carrot that I'll fuck with. So that's saying something. Oh, that is. Yeah, that's huge. Sometimes I look at that because we like to play with the textures of sauces and so something will be like velvety or something will be thicker and sometimes with the thicker ones because i know you don't do salsa i'm like velvety i'm like oh sean would hate this

like that don't you dare dare let that further into production. Yeah. That carrot was kind of soupy. It's got a soupy quality to it. Yeah, yeah. If I could be so bold. It's kind of a thicker sauce, like Sean likes, because of the carrot. The roasted carrot kind of thickens it up. So, yep, yep, yep. Beautiful.

The habanero, the Marshall's hot sauce. Habanero carrot curry hot sauce. Time for my first and my second picks here we are okay some big hitters off the board i gotta go i gotta go straight down the middle it's most known for one for doing one thing but i celebrate it across the food spectrum. I'm taking Frank's hot sauce. Frank's red hot. Frank's red hot. I know it's got to start on chicken wings, which is a

wonderful place to start. But I don't, there's something about, there's something in there, just a little like twist. You know what I mean? Just like a little left turn in that sauce. Like once it's on your tongue that I really appreciate. You can get it a lot of places. I think Jack in the sauce like once it's on your tongue that I really appreciate you can get it a lot of places I think Jack in the Box

was doing Frank's Red Hot for a while yeah we're doing the thicker one the thick the ketchup for adults that was that whole yeah that whole ad campaign which I'm like you got me heavy in my Jack in the Box period which was more of an era more of an era Jack in the Box

let's give it the time it needed. But yeah, the Frank's Red Hot, man. Frank's is fantastic. That, that'll give you a little, that'll give you a little burn.

I like when I want the burn that Frank's is where I go. Yeah. There's some of these sauces that like, they get looked down upon for some reason. Like they're like, oh, it's too common or whatever, or it's cheap, the price or whatever. But like there's a chef here in Portland, Justin Woodward, who has OK Omens, which is like a natural wine bar eatery place.

Oh, yeah. And he rules. The food's always great. And they do like a fried chicken thing with like it's a green peppercorn powder on it. And then it's served with I think they call it like hot cream or something, but it's a green peppercorn powder on it and then it's served with uh i think they call it like hot cream or something but it's it's just sour cream with frank's and i was like this is really good and he's like it's just frank's and sour cream and i was like yeah yeah sick cool yeah okay so it it is respected you know by especially chefs and stuff too so um great i

think a dab will do you you know with frank's you don't need that it's do you. You know, with Frank's, you don't need that. Do you find Frank's hot? Do you not see what you're eating? No. I don't find Frank's that hot. I do. Really? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I mean, here's a good question.

Go on. Does the amount have anything to do with how hot it is? Like, it doesn't seem like it does. Like, if you use, that's what I think people, it's like, it feels like a misconception. If you just cover something in hot sauce or use a couple drops same hot you're getting the same hot right i think it can make a difference depending on what peppers are at play but i think if you're if you're using like a sauce like you're talking about frank's where it's like dried spices and vinegar i think you're going to be in the same kind of realm there, but if there's like chunks of, you know, habanero or something in there, you're going to hit those landmines

and that's going to kick it up for you. It does depend on how much you're going for. No, well put. People need to know. The Scoville rating, I feel like it's inaccessible for people who aren't in the game. Like, I don't really understand.

Yeah, I don't know. We don't ever even talk about one to ten i feel like we need a one to ten yeah accurate hot sauce ranking because like what these ghost pepper things people would be like it's six billion yeah okay okay okay six billion you're not allowed to eat this outside of Russia. I don't know what that means. And then something will be like 4,000. And you're like, well, that sounds awful high. Is it? Like, what is the, or 2,000? It's so arbitrary.

Yeah. I think instead of Scoville. Is water zero? Like, what's zero? Instead of Scoville, they should just have a sort of diarrhea range, like one to 10. Yes. Over 12 years, that's all I hear about is when people like hold their stomach after I say do you don't do you want a sample they're like oh I can't and I'm like please don't go any further and they're like sometimes when I eat it I'm like I didn't want any of what you're giving me here sometimes when

I eat it my solid poop liquefies so it's just like not solid poop but if I could just be like it's like a three out of ten they'd'd be like, okay, I'll risk it. That seems good. Anything four or above, I get really bad diarrhea. Yeah. It would also change like the really tough men that come up and they're like, what's your hottest? And I'm like, we're really focused on flavor. And they're like, ah, and you're like, no, social interaction.

It don't matter how tough you are, dude. I mean, hot's hot. Yeah. And it's, you yeah and it's you know that's not for everybody no no but it would just be funny if they marched up and they would be like give me a tan i want to poop my pants you want to sweat the rest of the hot day crazy i want to be sweating yeah they want the they want the hot sauce like hitler's submarine fucking full of ghosts so like they want the hot sauce we know We know that stuff. There's a hot sauce store

in the Mall of America. Zach and I were just there. And they got bloody ass. That kind of stuff. My stepdad would get that shit. He'd be sitting there in the fridge. I'm like, don't you wish that was sriracha instead? So you didn't have bloody ass when people come over. Hey, do you have anything I could church us up with?

I have ketchup and I have bloody ass. And I have the one with Bob Marley on the front with his brain exploding. I have Benito Mussolini falling on a turned over stool. Well, well, he's being branded with a hot iron poker or I have some sriracha. I have this hot sauce called what would world war three actually look like and how many people would survive?

Here it is. Oh no. You want that on your burger or you just want ketchup? Have you guys thought about naming a Marshall's hot sauce after one of the, just doing like a fun novelty, you know what I mean? Like Hitler falling out of a plane into a

shark's mouth and the shark is on fire and the shark is also Hitler and the shark is also Hitler and the ocean is made out of lava. And just having that be... We do have Volcano Sparkle. That's pretty fun. Yeah, yeah. That's pretty solid, man.

Right? That's a pretty fun one. You workshopped what Ian did. It's like on the... It's very close to Hitler-related content. So I'm hearing Volcano Sparkle. There's a world where we both exist uh okay now it's time for me to keep it keep it going here with my second pick you let me know if this is if this counts i think it does this is i can't get... I can't get... I guess I gotta pick a specific

brand here. I'm gonna get the Lao Gan Mai Spicy Chili Crisp. Oh, I thought this was gonna come up. To me, it does. I'm gonna refer... I'd say please, because I have something later on where I'm stretching the situation. I think it's a hot side.

You know what I'm talking? You're talking the stuff that you scoop out that you scoop out when we go to get dim sum yeah that shit is so good damn that's a good pick Ian it's hot bro

on the jar I think it's hot sauce right it's hot I'm saying it's so good I wish they had it more places than just like a dim summer wherever you know what i mean like yes that stuff that stuff gets me every time other places are start like it's done there's like hipster brands of like nothing not there's anything wrong with hipster brands wait not that you're a hipster brand not that you're a hipster, Brent. Not that there's anything wrong with hipster, Brent. Oh, now this comes out. Okay. So awkward.

In a public forum. Are the kids still saying hipster? Is that still a relative term? I don't know. I don't think they are. I don't give a shit what they're doing. I was at a wedding this weekend with a 14-year-old, and I was like, what are the kids saying? And I go, are they still saying, are they saying wet? Are they saying drip?

Are they saying all these things? They're like, no, no, no. And the whole time, he's like, my guy, they're not saying any of that. And I go, so they still saying are they saying wet they saying drip they saying all these things they're like no no no and the whole time he's like my guy they're not saying any of that and I go so they're saying my guy because he said it like eight times I'm like so the kids are saying my guy a lot yeah anyway got him oh my god uh yeah it's just I don't know it's so good it's so savory and like the crunch on it when we go to dim sum i will like they'll put that they'll put out the little jar of it and like i'll i'll leave with that jar empty i get it it's so good i feel like it's part of the why wouldn't i you're

putting it out there i'm gonna use i dude i do that with sir i mean whatever i do it with syrup too i'm like no i'm gonna use all of of it, bro. Like you put it out there. Don't expect anything back. You don't expect any of the food back, do you? Don't expect any of the chili flakes back. That's right. Yeah. It's just so great texturally too, because it's not just the oil. You have the crunchy fried like garlic and chilies and like you want those little crunchy

bits. You're scooping it out of there. And like, yeah, it's so good. It's a little sweet too. Like there's a little sweetness in it too like yeah i love that in the back notes yeah the uh i think i think the company is like it was like started by a grandmother or like a mother or something like that and she ended up becoming like a billionaire off of it uh in china like the woman on the loud man yeah good story i love it she deserves it yeah she's

got like a she's got like a fun story but anyway what's it called what's the what's the company you picked what's it called lao gan ma but it's just chili crisp

there's like there's like fly by zhang like makes I think momofuku does like a a jar of it and stuff too you can find it at your but I think you can also find lao gan ma at your grocery store

but dude you can put that shit on like ice cream I don't think people put it on vanilla ice cream and stuff. They do. They do it at like Cloud City and whatever. What's the big one here? Salt and Straw. They do it all the time. Yeah. Delicious. Delicious hot sauce. Dirk, time for your

second pick. Ooh, okay. Second pick. I'm going to the fast food world. Fuck. Oh, you motherfucker! I really thought we had longer until we had to have this argument. I'm getting sniped over here!

I really thought we were going to go longer. But it's not the one you're thinking of. I just wanted to have a moment where there was some panic. I bet it, I hope, I don't think this will be on your list, but it's from Nando's, and it's their hot peri peri sauce. Oh, I like it. Yeah. Where's Nando's?

David, I calm down so hard. Oh, where's Nando's? Yeah, right. So it started in South Africa in 87 and then moved to London or launched in London in 91. So there's a bunch of these overseas. There's like maybe five in the States now. And they do these like it's like chicken maybe five in the States now. And they do these like it's like chicken marinated in the peri peri sauce. So onion, garlic, lemon, paprika and African bird's eye chilies. And it's just like a really lovely flavor. They have multiple like heat ranges of their sauces. I like the hot one. It's not like super burning, but it's just really bright yellow, lovely flavor at the restaurants, they do like chicken wraps and sandwiches.

And if you listen to any like UK podcasts, especially about food, Nando's is going to pop up somewhere in there. Cheeky little Nando's. He'll knock your trainers off, bro. Popping out for a cheeky little Nando's. So yeah, I just wanted to get something overseas. So I had to go with the Nando's peri-peri sauce. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right, bro. It'll get you there. wanted to get something overseas. So I had to go with the Nando's Perry Perry socks.

It's all right. It's all right. It's all right, bro. It'll get you there. It'll get you there. Should pop out for a cheeky little Nando. Can they get across the pond, bro? Can they get in the States anyway?

Yeah, we got it. Yeah, we got it here. It's all in the phone in Portland. They've got one in Chicago, mate. They've got one in New York City, bro. All right, bro. So if I want one in Portland, I'll get it then, bro. What just happened?

That was pretty dope. Some local Londoner showed up and grabbed the mic from me. What the fuck was that? Somebody from London showed up and they were like, Hey, bro, can you give me the microphone? And grabbed it that was wild there's not one in new york that was my bad yo that was startling yeah speaking of bad that accent wasn't bad you're right what would it take for you to do that accent for the rest of the podcast a pint glass full of hot sauce i think what would happen is i think what would happen is we'd say it

we'd all get sick of it in two minutes three minutes tops and then we have another 40 minutes to go i don't think why do anything why do we why do we ever do anything we just can like i don't want to get that if we know we're all gonna die isaac two minutes on the clock please no we're not not if this keeps going well we'll be all right all right so far so good the peri peri sauce uh i've still never had a cheeky little nando's i need to get it it's pretty good but they fucking love it over there. Yeah. Huge, huge following over there. We got some UK listeners right now who are. We had some until we. We had some until.

Sorry about that. They evaporated. I think, I think Ireland and England are all square now after you did that accent, Sean Patrick Jordan. No more coast. All coastlines gone. Like a box, like cube. No, I think the beef is, I think that's settled.

Oh, they're square. Like, I got you. I feel you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're square, dude. David, time for your second pick. I mean, we had such a close call. Once again, head over heart, I got to do it.

I'm going to take Taco Bell fire sauce. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I mean, what's to say that we haven't said a billion times on here, but probably come up the most individually that or Nicolas Cage or something. We give Sean a lot of guff for saying he would drink a pint glass of hot sauce. But I have absolutely like they were tiny little Capri Suns just drank Taco Bell fire sauces. Oh, yeah. Just as like a little energy boost.

Yeah. talk about fire sauces. Oh, yeah. Just as like a little energy boost. Yeah. You know, just before I take the bar exam or like going to the jog, you know, just like before important events. You got to drive from Fresno to Lincoln. It's like 6pm

already. It's going to be all night. Just bring a couple with. We used to do firecrackers, which is inspired by our friend Noah, where it's just saltine crackers and fire sauce. Totally. There you go. There you go.

That's it. Firecrackers. I still do it with Sriracha. I mean, Firecrackers is a way danker name. I might have to switch because of the name. But yeah, Sriracha and crackers. I'll do it all the time. Also, if Taco Bell is listening, I'm still open to write sauce packets.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Is that Guild or no? I don't know. I don't know. I think it's think it's four year old i don't know i'll write them too i'm not in the guild that's a good question no no hot sauce packets aren't killed i think we're good i think we're good oh man if you pissed off because it'd be so funny to go to

a picket line and just have a conversation between the two of you and be like wait hot sauce packets aren't gilded oh i'm gonna get out of here then just like the writers thought you were on the same level they were they also god bless taco bell employees they put as many as you need in there. They put all of them in there. Who do you think ruined it for everybody where they don't just have them out now? You think it's COVID or you think it was like COVID? I don't know. Phoenix COVID. You blame COVID.

Yeah. Did I tell you what I did the other night? We, I, I, we did karaoke. Shane Torres was in town. So I went out to TG's or not TG. I went to the roost. Oh yeah. You were talking about it. Yeah. I went to the roost. Oh yeah. You were talking about it.

Yeah. You guys all Isaac was there. Isaac was there. I think I've talked about this on the podcast already, but I ordered Taco Bell on the way home just because I was so in the rhythm of having the roost and it showed up and I was proud of myself. I ordered four things, which was what I always did.

And I was, I ate the cheese quesadilla and threw the rest of it away. Yeah. There you go. Growth. Every time you mention the roost, I always think of the chicken wing story. Isn't that where David got the chicken wing? Oh, that is the roost.

And I've replayed that in my head from so many different angles. Like it's Rashomon where I'm like, well, what if I was the guy with the chicken wing? What if I was the guy taking the chicken wing? What if I just witnessed this happen? Like, it's a fascinating story. What did you come up with? I was uncomfortable in every single position. With all due respect.

Sounds about right. None of us were the guys who had the chicken wings. I don't know a lot of people who I would be like, yeah, they could have rolled with those dudes. Those dudes look tough. I mean, it was a story it was a yeah i mean it's it's it's it was a story of a moment of individual triumph which was seeing a chicken wing wanting it needing it and then and then it was a story of how everyone decided to react to that moment yeah and it was yeah i mean there was a lot going on there was a lot going on there was personally i had a lot going on when that

happened or david personally had a lot going on also every one of us did something equally outrageous at the roots that was just the only time when i walked in one time screaming and ian just looks at me he's like stop stop stop stop we all just everyone's everyone's looking at you yeah that was the place we went to go throw lit matches on the floor. And that was the one time that there happened to be a pool of gasoline. But I almost got, I almost, I'm not a violent man. And I almost like attacked some people because they wouldn't stop playing like funny songs on the jukebox. Yeah, that's another story. Have you guys ever thought about doing like a kind of a recap kind of episode where somebody interviews you all about these great memories we all have as listeners of All Fantasy everything because i feel like there's so many i mean i've heard every episode except for

one and uh and i'll never listen to that episode but um no that's i mean of course that one no i we didn't even hear that one the president's episode i didn't listen to uh because i'm just weary of anyone that's like where should I be when I grow up in meetings? I don't I just don't trust anyone that wants to spend their time in meetings. I hate him so much. If I even get an email that says jump on a call, I delete that and empty the trash. I just don't. I don't want to do it.

I get so many of those. Why did you jump on a call? I absolutely don't want to jump on a call. Everybody loves it. I've never wanted to jump on a call i absolutely don't want to jump on everybody loves it oh i've never wanted to jump on a call no dude people that was people come at you with that you all know this i'm bad at returning a text i can't jump on a call same i call my brother i feel so bad sometimes there's unread texts from my mother for a day or two whatever that's a whole different thing where I'm just like oh you bad boy her cast to text me six times for me to respond

and it's not because I it's not because I don't want to I'm just like oh that's good I'll respond to that and then like I'm buying a coffee and then I get the coffee and I don't know what's wrong with my brain but then I'll just be like, I think that's healthy. That's healthy. I text a lot. I have my phone all the time because of the business. And so, and I also play the podcast and stuff off it. So if someone texts me or messages me, I'm just right there. And I have the time to like stop. But I, you know, I have lots of people that I text and I don't hear back and I'm never like,

when are they going to text me back? I need need to be right but that's the healthy attitude too yeah but that's the kind of attitude that gets hot because then it's a treat when i suddenly get a text from ian i'm like oh yeah that's when i finally sat down and be like fuck man i gotta text dirk back fire sauce though i mean listen we, listen, we all wanted it. We all wanted it in our bag, but only David has it. Probably the best pick. I got a cat scratching at the door

demanding to be let into the room with the cat box and I'll be right back. But, Sean Jordan, it's time for you to pick your second and third sauces. If you will... I'll explain why I'm picking what I pick and then we'll pick it when you get back. For just like even five seconds.

Yeah. So with the first... And I was worried about this because a lot of these are pretty similar. And in doing so, picking Valentina's first, a lot of great things got taken off the board. And so now my big hitters are pretty similar.

So I want to pivot a little bit and go something that would have been a little farther down my list, but just a little more different so I can have it in there to broaden my horizons a little bit. I love this. And it's a mainstay when I go to Qdoba for me,

but like Chipotle for a lot of people, but I'm going to pick that green Tabasco. It's just the first time I got, so i was a big no green surprise surprise i didn't even like green on the hot sauce so i was a big no green guy and then i started having that at chipotle and it's so it's so good it's such a different taste to me than like normal hot sauce but where was so no green where is it what were the parameters of that i just i just thought i used to think that green hot sauce for some reason like purple ketchup i used to think it would be the same thing where i'm like this is gonna my brain's not ready for this i need red or orange or whatever so is this specific to hot sauce yeah this is different

but i'm just curious did you ever drink that ecto cooler from high c i sure did yeah yeah okay i never saw the color it was always in the box it was in the box okay okay could have been fucking what color was it i probably thought it was green you ever dump something out you think it's going to be a color and then it's like capri suns they're all clear right you just dump them out you think they're going to be yeah it always freaked me out yeah like damn why is it just red they're working on this clear a lot of them yeah yeah they're like yellowy though right or no maybe i'd some like i feel like if i dump a grape capri sun out it's not purple i just feel like they're all the same i see what you're saying yeah yeah uh but yes

the green tabasco it's again it's on the thicker end which is nice I'm helping myself out here and which is great and now that I'm into it it's fun to see a little bit of green on there I'll switch I'll switch it you ever switch it with hot sauce where you just get a whole burrito and you're like 15 I'm using 15 different sauces on this thing

I do all the time yeah yeah have you thought about starting a spin-off podcast called on the thicker end with sean jordan i know i have for a different uh i don't know how well the world would receive it you could talk about almost anything on that you know just on the thicker end with sean jordan good you could we're still working on what's dank that i'm stoked on but on the thicker end will be yeah that'll be a patreon uh so yeah green tabasco and then i don't even know well i won't do that so then i'll go i'll just go back to probably what what were you about to do it sounded like it was gonna be at the very least scintillating

okay on the for my third pick chipotle tabasco god damn it oh really i've never been sniped this many times in a fucking draft that's insane it it's because so that one that one burns and it makes me sweat and even a little bit of that one i'll use the whole bottle still but i'll be i'll be pouring sweat by the time like we're at home laurel just look at me like you know you're like sweating sweating you're not kind of like yeah i know but it's like john john john mellencamp man hurts so good you know yeah i love i love that i love that chip and it was it was i chipotle was when i first started getting into it yeah and that's like i've stolen a bottle of that from chipotle before yeah for

days that's the one thing i'll still steal as an adult i did it when i was in minneapolis a couple weeks ago they have a chipotle car street i'm like i'm taking this i'm gonna use it anyways whether i'm in here i might as well just take it back to the room and save us all available everywhere it is you can get it at restaurants. Yeah, that's just where I first ever had it. Although, I don't think it was always available everywhere. I think in the last... I think it's newer in general, right?

But boy, is it dank. Tell you this, you can get yourself 128 ounces of it for $70. They got a gallon jug. I don't want to spend $70 at one time on one container of hot sauce. It has 757 servings in it. Yeah, for 757 weaklings, dude. It's got like, I don't know, 100 in there for your boy. We do gallons, like growlers

for restaurants and stuff. There was a guy at the farmer's market that was like, I want that. He saw, I think it was Rick at Lardo getting one of those. We're like, okay. We made one of our sauces that I won't say and then the habanero carrot curry.

Probably six months later, I was doing an event and this little girl comes up and she goes, oh, this is my dad's hot sauce. And I was like, well, my wife and I are the only people that do this. So I don't think it's your dad's. And she's like, no, every day. You gave it to her. You let her know. Yeah. I was like, get out of here, 10 year old. And she was like, no, every day he goes to the garage and he gets these big jugs. And I was like, oh my gosh, I know who your dad is because we made those for him. And it doesn't fit in his fridge in the house. So he keeps it in the garage fridge. This is the hot sauce that killed my dad.

Eventually, yes. I finally found you. Oh, no. Big Jug Dad. Big Jug Hot Sauce Dad. Big Jug Hot Sauce Dad. Man. uh big jug dad big jug hot sauce dad big jug hot sauce man big jug album i'm pretty sure yeah chipotle tabasco i feel just i'm i'm up in the clock tower twice didn't even mean to i feel i don't like it when that's the case i know it's the whole point of this draft but i do not like taking picks.

But yeah, at least this is better than Boosie and Smell of Weed, right? This is a little more from the heart. It just came from the right. It just came from the same angle, you know what I mean? I wasn't gonna. I was coerced. Now I gotta, now I'm scrambling. I mean, it's time for you to lock the block, Dan,

because you got a pick right here. All right. I gotta go with's time for you to lock the block down because you got to pick right here. All right. I got to go with, I don't, we haven't taken this style. And when I think of this style, I think of this particular one. I'm taking crystals, Louisiana. Okay. Yes. Solid, solid vinegar based cayenne peppers.

You know, trusty rusty. You put it on everything. Love it on chicken, especially when I'm in New Orleans. But yeah, it on everything love it on chicken especially when I'm in New Orleans but uh yeah crystals pretty I love it on eggs it's the first hot sauce I ever started putting on eggs a lot was crystals and I kind of like sometimes I like it a little more watery you know I like on eggs a lot I like when I can smell it that's not this is where I get yeah it's like very pungent yeah I like the smells where i'm just like fucking up breakfast for everyone i'm like i don't care i'll i want it i want this whole place

to smell like vinegar i know i've talked about it on here before but i'm gonna do it again i like the feeling of eating like that kind of really like hot vinegary sauce and then drinking a cup of coffee and then coffee yeah you said you put it in the coffee i put it in the coffee skip the eggs i found out other people do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's those are all kinds of every freak out there has got another freak that they can hang out with sometimes. Wash your mouth.

Fucking freak. Wash your fucking mouth. There's a lot of dirty motherfuckers out there. Crystal is one of those sauces that gets a lot of respect, too, from the chef community. And it's just like one of those things that's a treat when you sit down at a place, like whether it's a breakfast spot or whatever, and you look over and that's the sauce that's on the table. It's like, okay, all right, nice.

I used to work with this girl at the casino. She would get, I want to say it was Cool Ranch Doritos and put crystals in there and shake it up and then eat it with chopsticks. Oh yeah, I've done that. A visionary you worked with. It's obviously a business for herself now. crystals in there and shake it up and then eat it with chopsticks oh yeah i've done that a visionary you worked with yeah yeah it's obviously a business for herself now yeah yeah yeah she's now secretary of state we were talking about prison food the other day like how creative you can get when just

when you kind of have to with the same 10 things yeah uh-huh that i mean we talked about prison burritos but that it said that same line we're like okay all right but uh yeah crystals i i think what else is there to say about it crystals is dang and i like one too i like some of these companies they have varying like sriracha doesn't really have a lot they just got sriracha like some like crystals has different levels you know like yeah they're like extra hot yeah i think i think they got a wing sauce i'm pretty sure man i'll use those is this is it okay to use a marinade as a sauce like if i see a marinade that i want yeah and i i can just use it as a sauce right i don't think there's a lot of rules for sauce unless it just has to be wet right yeah i've always wondered if it's like it sounds stupid but like you see these marinades i'm like i wouldn't kind of dip some

fries in that and not grill it on a pork belly or whatever like that you know yeah of course you just don't want to marinate something and then not cook that sauce and then eat the you know if you've had raw meat sitting in it you definitely want to do something about that that is a nice little asterisk at the bottom there i need to be like well i'd be a fool to throw away all the marinade i have a wedding next month i'm going to this would be perfect i'll just pour it back in the bottle i don't know why these fucking marinade companies are stupid you know what i mean like they keep like they're giving it away i just been using the same bottle of marinade for the last probably like 15 batches of chicken.

Yeah, baby. Crystal's hot sauce. Dark, time for your third pick. Okay. So my third pick, like I said, one of the great things that you all do is creating a community through your audience. And, you know, they come to your shows. And when we do events, people come to see us. And it's a wonderful feeling. And sometimes it's people that are visiting Portland

and we meet them. And then the next time they come back, they bring us a sauce that they had and they want us to experience. And so that happened for us with a lovely guy, Greg, and his wife. And they live in Barbados. And so they came to Portland

and introduced us to a style of sauce that we were not aware of. And so this is the Ekaf hot pepper sauce. It started in 1955 when L.G. Darby Hutchinson, there's a name for it. Oh, that's a good name. Of course he started something in 55. Yeah, so he saw people selling coffee on spoons

just wrapped in paper, like I guess the ground coffee. I'm not sure if it was ground or beans, but he was like, oh, there's a need for coffee packaging here in Barbados. And so he started in coffee and then they got into the spice game, then got into the hot pepper sauce. And, you know, their whole focus is like local small businesses and kind of building each other up as a community. And the sauce itself, the thing that makes it cool is it's mustard based. So it's like, yeah, so it's hot peppers and onions. That's the texture you kind of get in there.

But then it's got the turmeric and it's like not super loose with the little hot pepper landmines I mentioned earlier. And it's just like a really lovely spice. You could put this on like a sandwich instead of a regular mustard. A salad. Yeah, sure. Salad. A salad sandwich.

A raw tuna sandwich. A raw tuna sandwich. I was going to say, raw tuna, sure. The back of your hand. Mm-hmm. Ramekins. A stranger's face if they're asleep. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I'm with it. A cricket. A butterfly. A butterfly. This is good butterfly sauce. But yeah, I just wanted to throw it out there just because I love that when people, you know, thoughtfully bring you something. Not like you guys when you're on the road and you're like, what am I going to do with this? Like two by four that somebody painted.

But like, you know, you have to ship it. But but like, yeah. Put it on a salad. Yeah. on just bash that salad it's up was it ecaf pepper what'd you say yeah it's ecaf i don't know how you pronounce it exactly it's actually really hard to find online but like i mean this man i know it's good yeah he brought us a sauce that was the lady selling on the street and it was in a water bottle, like unlabeled. They'd pulled the label off and she made a sauce and he brought it to us and it was amazing. And we have no idea what is it, what is, what's in it or anything.

It's just like, it's so cool to know that like on another part of the world, someone made this and it made it to us. And then we appreciate it so much and don't even know the lady's name. In the comedic community I'll speak for, if somebody brings me something in a water bottle, a lot of times I want to have it tested first. On the hot sauce community, it's acceptable. That's not true.

That's not true. Busted. I want myself to test it first before I let anyone else test it more. Yeah. No, it ain't true I take it back Isaac

air horns right there please just a lot of them you make your own Malort yeah I'll try it yeah it is funny

I'll be out people in Malort is it Malort I think Malort's going around Sioux Falls right now it's making its rounds

because I was just there yeah you gotta get the vaccine. South Dakota COVID vaccine. Wow, just a few gallons of Malort over a month or so. Oh, that's dank.

Alright. Alright. Time for me to make my third pick. I'm torn here. There's some hitters on there still yeah I'm shocked I think I'm going to take one of them right now I'm taking a

this is just a in the rotation heavy hitter when I was losing a lot of the weight this was one of my good friends during that period because it was one of those things that put on everything but it's just it's a wet sauce but it kind of has a dry taste, if that makes sense. I'm taking

Tapatio. Oh, yeah. I love Tapatio. I love the dude on the logo. Yeah. That guy seems like he gets it. That guy gets it. And he gets it. Yeah guy gets it. And he gets it.

Yeah. That dude is handsome. Yeah, he gets it. That is a good looking man. He's pulling off a yellow blazer. That's hard to do. You know what I mean? He's just out here.

I don't know. It's just a great everyday sauce. I love it on Mexican food. I love it on eggs. I love it on an omelet. It's just a great everyday, put it in the rotation, always have a bottle of Tapatio. Sometimes I have like six bottles because I'm like at the grocery store and I'm like, I'll just grab a bottle of Tapatio. I'm going to use it.

It's another one that's cost-effective. And also it's just got that real peppery, real peppery taste, which I really, really, really enjoy. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't think think there's so much variation in just those like really basic vinegar cayenne sauces but they're they're really yes yeah yeah this is like one of those i consider like a gateway sauce it's like a great way that people start playing with sauces you know and they're like i'll just add a little bit of this to something and then you're like oh they're shooting up under the bridge yeah They got ramekins then. It burns.

It burns. Yeah. It's, you know, we've named some of them. There's some still on the table and they, sometimes people are like, oh, I don't know about,

I wouldn't, you know, I like this fancy stuff or whatever, but it's like, I don't know. There's a lot of us that like, whatever's on the table is what we're going to go for. It's not like a Pepsi versus Coke situation.

Tapatio is a classic. I'm pretty equal opportunity. This is a smiling face that I'm happy to see on that table. It is. Absolutely. We're going to get to my fourth pick right after this short break. So imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus.

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buddies they can't skip uh you know, leg day. Myself, my schedule is completely packed out with hanging out with my daughter. You try to pepper in work in there. It's really hard to find the time for that, like those things that I want, that self-care stuff. I like to walk a lot. I know that sounds ridiculous. And like, I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy and it's hard to make time for it. It can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time. Get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize that there is time. You can make time for

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They got your back. Never skip therapy day with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash allfantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash allfantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything. Already in progress. Sean Jordan, David Borey, and I.

And when I say I, I mean Ian Carmel. I'm experimenting with the format. We're all theater comedians. You were about to call yourself I, and you go, Sean Jordan, David Borey, and I. If you think for a second I was about to call myself I-N. You're not going to be drinking hot sauce out of a pint glass, my friend. It's going to be human shit. out of a pint glass. My friend,

it's going to be human shit. Dang. I was gross. I'm sorry. Poop down my throat. You drink a cup of poop. It's getting worse. Uh,

visceral, visceral Sean Jordan. Where can people see you do standup comedy? Uh, well, the high plains comedy festival tomorrow, Friday and Saturday. And then I'll be in Omaha, Nebraska Festival tomorrow, Friday and Saturday.

And then I'll be in Omaha, Nebraska, November 16th. I do not know the venue yet, but it's a ways away. I'll be posting ticket links very soon. We'll be in Canada, November 30th through December 2nd with Ian. Just all over Canada. We're going to be everywhere in Canada. Yeah, we're going. We're going to go to those weird. Saskatoon.

Get ready. Is there one that's called like bear hatchet or something yeah uh oh also there's still some tickets left for the second taping of my uh recording that i'm doing in october 29th at mississippi studios so but you know come on come support when he says still some tickets available the second recording he means all the tickets are available for both recordings because no one's yeah just show me something and also gosh i i've messed this up all the time high note comedy last thursday september we have uh marcella argüello is going to be in town it's going to be she's going to be so mean to me and you're going to want to see it because she always

is she's already told me she's going to be mean to me especially if she finds out you said her last name was argüello well she's she's like she's told me both ways which is one of the mean things she does to me. So, Marcella Arguello. Marcella, if you're listening. That's really funny. I know it is. She rules. It's going to be an amazing show. She's coming.

She's chaos. She's the best, so come to that. And anyway, sorry. It took a lot of time. All right, time for my fourth pick. Oh, wait, David Bowie, you're a stand-up comedian. Where can people see you do stand-up comedy? This comes out... Okay. September 29th, David Bowie, you're a stand-up comedian. Where can people see you do stand-up comedy? This comes out...

Okay. September 29th, I'm going to be in Indianapolis. September 30th, Cincinnati. October 1st, Morgantown, West Virginia. October 5th, Columbus, Ohio. October 6th and 7th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. October 12th, Springfield, Missouri. October 13th and 14th, St. Louis, Missouri,

October 21st, New York City, October 22nd, Worcester, Mass, October 25th, Kansas City, Missouri, October 26th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, never heard of it, October 27th and 28th, Minneapolis, Minnesota, bringdavidalate.com for all those dates and ticket links. I got my merch out with me. We're having a good time. It's a party. Alright, time for my fourth pick. Oh wait, I also have a stand

up comedy night. This is a fun new thing. On the calendar. Announcing a new one right now. Let me get the exact date for you i am going to be back in uh the city of roses portland oregon with a new hour uh at revolution hall on march 23rd which is a saturday night by now i think tickets will the show will either be announced or and tickets on sale i think tomorrow every time i

do this uh it is sold out in the past i'm hoping to do that again so i don't have to feel bad about myself or my place in the world of stand-up comedy even if you don't think i'm funny just buy a ticket so i don't have to have an existential crisis that's the pitch i think everyone's going everyone's going to this bro oh thank you dude thank you i appreciate that everyone the pitch i think everyone's going everyone's going to this bro oh thank you dude thank you i appreciate that everyone uh i i'm working on a bunch of new stuff right now i mean this is so far in the future but like i'm really really really enjoying myself on stage right now and i think i have some really funny new material which you can not only see in portland but also at the house of comedy in Vancouver, British Columbia, November 30th through December 2nd.

And then in Austin, Texas at the Vulcan Gas Company, December 8th and 9th for Hanukkah. I'm going to be there for Hanukkah. Come out, celebrate with me. Hanukkah's been there for you. You should be there for Hanukkah. That's exactly right. It's going to be a miracle on stage. More dates coming very soon.

Dirk, where can people see you do stand-up comedy? So I don't do stand-up anymore. Actually, I never did. I stopped in the improv game, but although I think we did play one improv game about being a bad stand-up and I still remember that experience. That's more fun than being a good one, to be honest.

I think so. I just respected the game too much. Dirk, where can people see whatever happened to Miguel this weekend. Okay, so we are... Knife. We... So I will say that if you go to Airbnb Experiences backslash Portland,

you can find cool stuff happening in and around this city. And two of those things involve our sauce company. So you can come and hang out with me for an hour in our commercial kitchen space, sample all of our sauces, eat bonus snacks, pickles. We have a spicy wine collab with Union that we do. It's just a fun thing you can do in this town. And the other thing is that Sarah teaches people how to make their own hot sauce, make your own pickles, how to do canning, pressure canning. That's fun. Any type of preservation. She teaches classes.

So those dates change constantly. And if you are interested, you can just email us and we can set up like little parties and things. So it's a really fun way to like interact with people that are visiting, but also people who live here and just want to like, I bought all this stuff at the farmer's market. What do I do with it? That'd be a good gift to get Laura that I could inadvertently get myself. There you go.

Look at what I got us, a hot sauce making class. You don't think she's going to see right through that? She who can't stand hot sauce? You think that's going to be the first question? And with the promise of that class resting gently on our spicy lips, it is time for me to take my fourth pick. I'm torn here.

All right. I'm staying in the Marshall's Hot Sauce Kitchen. I'm going Serrano ginger lemongrass. Okay. Serrano. There's some complex flavors in there. I like a green sauce. I like a soupy sauce this is another

soupy one i feel like i like the taste of the serrano peppers and this is one of the ones that i will just drown almonds in it's like almonds at the pool you play little games where you have like a big bowl to the titanic and you're dumping all the almonds it's like it's an absurd ratio it's not it's not an acceptable ratio and it's just and then i just i'm like winnie the pooh i just my hand i get it all covered in the sauce no pants like that just a shirt no i feel you man it's it is one of the with when those when you're dipping, like I do it with popcorn a lot, but I put hot sauce on my popcorn. I'm like, okay, so my whole hand is just going to be covered

in hot sauce until I'm done with this thing. So no point wiping it off. Yeah, you've got to commit to the sauce in that way. Yeah, it'll be filthy. Kids people clean it every time. Habanero carrot curry is probably my favorite. This, I think, is my second. I just like it. I like a chunky sauce. I like all the flavors in there.

It's fantastic. Dirk, you could probably talk more about it than I could, but I really enjoy it. It's my favorite that when someone walks up and I'm like, what do you want to sample? Try whatever you want. And they say Serrano ginger lemongrass. It's my favorite because when you first try it,

it's got a little bit of sweetness. And then the person always goes, oh, it's sweet. And then I can literally count one, two, three, and then the Serrano comes in and they go, oh, and it's like dead on three seconds every time. And it's the most fun, like a little roller coaster for me. But I've also been watching people eat for 12 years. So that's just like, you got to keep it interesting, I guess.

Yeah, you got to find the fun. Yeah, it's our most popular sauce that we offer year round. We have four that are mainly in stores. Now we'll be five. And of those, the Serrano ginger lemongrass has always been our number one, even though my wife and I

always talk about Habanero carrot curry. We just can't keep that one out of the number one spot. So excellent, excellent selection. Goddamn right. Oh, yeah. Goddamn right. That's my fourth pick.

And now, Derek, it's time for your fourth pick. Oh, geez. Okay. So this is where I was kind of, I'm nervous. I'm going to forget this or not. And I'm totally fine if I don't. But I'm going to say Gochujang. How do I even know what that is?

I just heard that. How did I just hear that? It's pronounced Gochujang. Yeah. Yeah, he said it right. What is what? I got some wings I got some wings

In Sioux Falls There were that And nobody at the fucking restaurant Knew how to say it Isaac my god I wish you would have been there Like six different people Said it six different ways

Say it again Isaac Because none of them were right Gochujang Nope Didn't hear that once in Sioux Falls Yeah I've never said it that way That's one of those pronunciations Where I feel like

If I said it right I would sound racist. That's how I feel too. As long as you got the, it's not jang, it's chang, like jang. If you say jang, that's close enough in my book. Go to jang. Okay. Yeah, we've made this twice with Han

from Kim Jong-grillin, and he doesn't correct us. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm the fucking pronunciation Nazi over here. No, you're not a Nazi. I appreciate an education anytime. I just feel like he set me up for that because I've been telling thousands of people

and mispronouncing it every time. So I appreciate it. Anyway, it's a paste. I say play ball. Isaac, does this count? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. It's a paste. I say play ball. Isaac, does this count? You're a president of South Korea. Yeah, absolutely. It's the Korean hot sauce

in as much as we have sauces. You're the Korean hot sauce. He's the hot Korean with sauce. That's a different thing. The hot Korean with sauce. I always mix it up. Oh, good. So I love this flavor profile. And like I said, we've made it twice with Han here in Portland.

It was a 90-day fermentation in an open crock. His mom was on the phone the first time we made it because we were using, I think it was rice flour. We were doing a gluten-free situation here. And it's just really amazing. But I don't want to take something that we made. What I want to take is from Choi's Kimchi Company here in Portland, Oregon. They handcraft small batch kimchi. They started in 2011 by Chong and her son, Matt Choi, who's passed away and I miss him a lot, but she's carrying it on. They wanted to educate Oregonians on the varieties of kimchi. So their gochu, I'm not even going to say it again.

You know what? I'm going to practice it and then I'll come back. It's not super sweet. Sometimes there's a major sweet note to it, but it has a nice spice level. It's basically just like a red chili paste. It's fermented, like I said, and made from gochu garu. Did I say that right? Yeah. Yeah. No, close enough., and made from gochugaru. Did I say that right? Yeah. Yeah. No, close enough. Very much.

Okay. Perfect. And glutinous rice. And here's another word. Meju. Is that right? Meju. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meju. Okay. Powder and then salt. It's really good. It's super addicting. It's led me to a lot of different condiments that are made from that as a base. Like there's some Korean spicy ramen that I'm like addicted to that I don't think I should be eating at the rate I am because it kind of hurts my teeth

and I don't think I'm supposed to do that. That's all right. Get it, baby. Yeah, yeah. The Samyang Buldak hot sauce is pretty great too. Yes, yes. You know what's up?

You like that? You know what's up? Yeah, Buldak is, yeah, it's amazing. The two times hot chicken, I can't get enough of it. And I'm like, oh my gosh. It's ridiculously hot. It's really hot. I tried the three times and the flavor was kind of dipped a bit for me.

But the two, I can eat it. I ate it today. And then I walk around the house for like 10 minutes, kind of talking to myself. And I'm like, you're going to be cool. It's going to be fine. Just like have some water. And like, you know, my wife's like, are you all myself. And I'm like, you're going to be cool. It's going to be fine. Just like have some water. And my wife's like, are you all right? And I'm like, I just, I don't know.

Yeah, I love it. Fantastic. I came into the picture for that. I was so excited about the talk of Korean cuisine on this podcast. It never happens. I would, after the podcast, I'd love to talk to you about some other spots that, like restaurants and things that I've been to. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Like in LA and New York.

Isaac lived in Portland. Well, you know this. He lived in Portland for about a year. I did. Oh, great. I'm friends with a lot of the people in the food world up in Portland as well. So I feel like we have a lot to connect on, Dirk. Yeah, LA and New York, because we've been to some Korean spots over there that are like unbelievable.

Both cities I've lived in also. Oh, perfect. I'm from LA. I went to college in New York. So there's a lot of overlap. He's all over the place. I've lived in Sioux Falls. I've lived in Vermillion. Then New York and LA of South Dakota. I've said that. I've often

said that. Big Vermillion. David, time for your fourth pick. Big for a million. I mean, man, it's getting, I'm getting,

I'm getting on fumes here. It feels like there's, there's like, to me, there's like three huge hitters. Huge ones on the board. Still. Oh,

you know what? This is still on the board. I was going to take it earlier. I don't really know how it's still on the board. It is similar to Sean's first pick, but I do love it. I'm going to take Cholula. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. There it is. I thought that was first round for sure. I would have gone. I think it just slipped through the cracks. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, that's the one.

That's like that and Tapatio. Those are the ones that you see. That's the Pepsi and Coke most often where you're like, one of those is going to be on the table and I'm never sad about either situation. You just go, all right, this is what we're doing. Cholula is, if we're talking in the real world, it's just so expensive. That's why I was saying Valentino's is like, it's like a fourth of the price. It's $4 for a bottle.

It's like six. Don't go to our website that's a different situation there's a whole different situation but yeah chalula like it's it's just uh because it's right next to valentina's a lot of times you're like i guess if you're if you're moving the volume that you move that's the thing you You got to remember. Pushing a lot of weight. Yeah. We're getting into hundreds of dollars a year if I go Cholula.

He's moving peas, bro. Yeah. Cholula's amazing, man. And not to say other picks, but yeah, they're branching out too. They're, yeah. Have you noticed there is this thing on the internet where they think, people think the Cholula woman looks like Bob Saget? What?

I see it. What? It's going to be on my internet in a second here. Yeah, the woman on the label of Cholula looks a little bit like Bob Saget. I never thought I'd Google Cholula Bob and then put Saget after that. Yeah. What did you think the next Bob? What do you think came after Bob?

What did she think you would Google? I Google Cholula Bob all the time just hoping I'm going to see someone find him. Yeah, dude. I see it. There's one picture where they got this old headshot of Bob with the purple background. And yeah, I see it.

That was the thing about the meatball Ron nickname for Ron DeSantis. Which is kind of like Chalula Bob i'm like that guy sounds awesome i'm sorry my friend meatball ron is coming over i'm like yes he can't be evil he's got to be a fun party animal who do you want to be president donald trump or meatball ron oh my god that's easy that's easy for me oh that's easy a woman nice oh wait hold on there you go thank you jeez started to think you didn't care chalula bob's a good dude chalula bob owns a boat and you can use it yeah you can you can borrow it

you gotta sign a waiver but you can use it or he'll just be he'll sleep on the jet ski behind you yeah also if you say chalula bob rode his bike here, you're like, I know why. Yeah, we all know that Cholula Bob doesn't have his license. Too many Cholulas at that bachelor party. We get it. Too many 5, 6, 7

alcoholic Cholulas. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and then, by golly,lly your fifth pick your final one as it is a serpentine draft uh all right well i uh and a few of the so i'm gonna branch out a little bit on uh on the marshals a few no i'm not a marshal a few are off the board but uh i forgot there was a sleeper flavor that i forgot it It's the ghost chili apple. Oh, yeah? It is so good. Thank you.

I think it's my only pick that has anything sweet in it, where you can actually taste the sweetness, and it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything offensive. Sean, everything you pick has something sweet in it. Thank you. Preach, bro. Preach. But, yeah, all my other ones, they just feel they're just straight down main street and this one I feel like I'm kind of taking a scenic drive a little bit

and it's just so fantastic what is the as a manufacturer the process with ghost pepper like getting it to a point where you're like okay people can actually eat this yeah so that's like where the skill set of my wife comes into play is like, she's just so great at like balancing the heat of peppers.

And a lot of what we do is like tempering the heat of the chili. And that's done through, you can do that through natural sugars. It's cat, right? Yeah, it's a cat. It's a cat. It's a cat. It's a cat. It's a cat.

It's a cat. Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. That's a cat. That's a cat. That's a cat. That's a cat. Oh. Yeah. So like the natural sugars in the honey crisp apple is really what we were trying to tell the story of there and showing how it can temper the heat of a really, really hot chili and make it so that it's palatable. So more people can experience those hot chilies because it's easy to make something super hot. It's hard to make something flavorful first.

So that's. Yeah. I didn't want to say, I was going to say exactly what you just said off top. So I'm glad that you said it. Because I wasn't just going to be like, it's dank, dude. It's, I mean, way dank.

I wasn't just going to say, I was going to have like some opinions and what the journey we were trying to take you on. So I'm glad somebody said it, man. That was nice. Yeah. I also drooled a little bit while I was talking about that.

Yeah. That's a good sign. It is just dank as shit though. Thank you. I appreciate it so much. Yeah bit while I was talking about that. Yeah, that's a good sign. It is just dank as shit, though. Thank you. I appreciate it so much. Yeah, we do that in the fall. Yeah. I'm waiting, baby.

It's half cloudy today. It's so close. Some people say partly. Uh-uh. Fall's your time. I'm so stoked for fall. Anyway, so that's number four. And then number five, I'm going only in Portland.

Can you get it? If you go to Pepino's, they have this. So there's one on Hawthorne. There's one in the Northwest. They're like their Chipotle hot sauce. I don't know how else to describe it. It is to die for. It's amazing.

So Pepino's, it's their Pepino's red sauce is what you could call it. But it's just fantastic. I know it's a local thing. You can't, you know, whatever. It's a little more exclusive. But my last pick, I feel like I can do it. And I did it. So if you go to either one of those two specific places,

maybe there's a third, but I don't think so. You can get it. So if people ever ask me to come to Portland, I tell them, or when they're coming to Portland, where they should go, I tell them Pepino's. And that's why probably nobody follows my advice, but it's my favorite. I love it. I bet some people go to Pepino's.

Yeah. Maybe. I mean, it's hella cheap, and they're not changing the game with the burrito. They just have tails in and out. This is tight. But the burrito is just normal bean and cheese burrito is what I recommend. They give you chips for free, and then just load up on that sauce and go nuts. I might do it. I might do it later today. Who to say i bet you will i bet i will uh david boy

time for your final pick taking mike's hot honey oh nice i don't even know what that is what is that put it on pizza that's the only way i've ever had hot honey is on pizza it's a few different types of pizza but that shit that shit goes man what is mike's hot oh i've never even heard of it you shouldn't have said it this is great this is great oh this is like the scene in a movie where when quagmire finds out about beating off like what oh no i'm looking at it is it really what i'm saying hot it's fake it's not real it's not real it's not real is it really just hot honey well then he found that hot honey and yeah the marriage was going great everything was working no that's i mean yeah shit it is what it sounds like it's delicious it's so good on pizza it's amazing just like a pepperoni or like the thick like detroit kind of style pizza it's on the thick a lot it's on the thicker end

john nice okay okay i hear you i got a grocery store in the hood. Dirk, time for your final pick. Okay, my fifth pick. So my wife created this thing called the Pacific Northwest Sauce Makers Group. So it's the Instagram's PNW Sauce Makers. Constantly trying to undermine my career, by the way. So there's like 30 plus sauce families here in Portland. And basically we can all just contact each other if we know a farmer has a surplus of peppers or if someone needs lids or bottles. It's like it's a very collaborative community here. And one of the people on there is David of Hab Sauce. And so he does a sauce called the Machismo Reaper. So that one from Hob Sauce. The owner, David, super awesome,

super creative, really dials in nice flavors, hires different graffiti artists to do the labels of all of his sauces. Oh, there we go. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Keeping his ear to the streets. That's how he signed Eminem. Yeah, he signed Eminem and made him spicy. So it's Reaper, Red Serrano, tons of acidity from yuzu and citrus some basie notes from brown sugar and soy it's what i want when i want something that's on that spicier side still got a nice little flavor in there sounds like a super group like damn yankees or something yeah that's great this looks good um so hob hob sauce good old david over there hob sauce all right i'm gonna keep it in portland oh i bet yeah and hope you don't have any beef with this hot sauce family dark uh-huh i don't know i don't know what the game i don't know what the game is like i bet i'm

taking secret aardvark yeah oh no we love secret aardvark okay yeah, Stacy runs Secret Eyebrow, and she's amazing. One of the, like, it's very spicy. Surprisingly spicy. It is very spicy. You got to remind yourself. That's the thing about hot sauce. You got to be like this. You got to know what you're going into.

Because this is one of those ones where you're like, oh, this will, like, actually do a little bit of damage if you put too much of it on something. Maybe it's good, though. But yeah, if I'm at a Marshall's, if I've eaten eaten all my marshalls hot sauce it's really starting to feel like i sponsored i mean i love it but i'm just saying i feel like we should say this is not a this is not brand this is just we just fucking just fun man you sent us the sauce i did a couple times and it just really isn't that good uh but secret aardvark it's one of my it's one of the fucking primo breakfast hot

sauces primo bro i think in the world it's so good i think i also met some people from secret aardvark when i was at uh oh what's that festival in the in the country on the farm coachella no in portland oh the org the um pickathon pickathon yeah at pickathon oh oh yeah yeah but yeah it's just it's just really good it's a portland local and you can get it everywhere though right you can get it yeah yeah they have huge distribution yeah they were they were on season four of hot ones i believe um so they were the first port Portland ones to make it on there. It's pretty awesome. They're a rad family and super supportive.

They're like kind of an OG hot sauce from Portland. I remember the first time I had it, I was at like Cup and Saucer and I was like, what's this? And then I was like, oh, I'm in for this. They have some new sauces.

They have a green one that I don't know if you've had that one, Sean. I haven't, but I see it. I have not yet. It's good. It's really really good it's probably my favorite but yeah do it i keep getting the same shit i should yeah well i always get like a random one that i see but i yeah i should why don't i go with the tried and true like i know that anyway i remember being out there when you first saw like different hot sauces for the first time.

When it wasn't just something we didn't take. Tabasco. It was like, oh, they got a different thing? Okay, let me try that. What is that? And now, it feels like it's celebrated and there's more and more small craft makers.

But it was one of those really cool moments. I think I might have been to the cup and saucer as well. I think it was one of their like really cool moments i think i might have been to the cup and saucer as well yeah when i first saw it i think it was like one of their first accounts i think maybe i remember one first time i went to cup and saucer i had recently won funniest person in portland willamette week and my face was on the cover of every single one there and everybody was reading it and i was like not a big deal that's wild i'm just some guy you know and uh you just stand up i'll just have an omelet yeah i do you know did you go there what's happening wait what's happening why are you doing that just lowering my voice

it's just how i talk i mean when i'm really talking when i'm not doing like a bit you know this is kind of how it is hey max how you doing this is dad where'd you go you won uh the helium contest well i never won that one that was uh you think i could enter it and have them be cool with it they've said i can that's clever that i can yeah give it i think you should have mixed air uh some blowback i think nah you are from and currently live in portland yeah i also wouldn't win which would would be a real hit to the ego. Well, I don't think that's true. But, Isaac, it's time for your pick.

Oh, yes. I love hot sauce. I'm a big hot sauce guy. There are many picks that you guys did not pick. Aji Verde is one that I really love, a Peruvian green sauce. Damn, sex on my lips. Trinidad scorpion pepper sauce from Matuk is a favorite of mine,

but I'm going to go with something that's really gotten me through some dark times in my life. Halal Guys red hot sauce. Oh, yeah. That shit is responsible for lowering my cortisol on multiple occasions

throughout college and well after that. So I'm going to take that. And the Halal Guys white sauce is responsible for raising your cholesterol. Yes. Raising my cholesterol. Yeah, what is it, that shit?

I don't know. That shit's magic. It's probably solely responsible for giving me fatty liver. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Fantastic. Shout out to the Halal Guys. Craig and Bill. No, I don't think they're Shout out to the Halal guys. Craig and Bill.

No, I don't think they're Halal. Craig and Bill Halal. Craig and Bill Halal. To recap, Sean, you went first. You took Valentina's, the Green Tabasco, the Chipotle Tabasco, Marshall's Ghost Chili Apple, and the Pepino's Red Sauce. David, you went second.

You took Sriracha, Taco Bell Fire Sauce, Crystal's Hot Sauce, Cholula, and Mike's Hot Honey. Dirk, you went third. You took the Marshall's Hot Sauce, Habanero Carrot Curry, the Nando's Hot Peri-Peri, the E-Calf Hot Pepper Sauce, Gochujang?

Gochujang. Got it. Nailed it. First time. That was me both times. And the Machismo Reaper Hab Sauce. Nailed it. First time. That was me both times. And the Machismo Reaper Hab Sauce. I went last. I took Frank's Red Hot Sauce, Laugan Ma Chili Crisp, Tapatios,

the Serrano Ginger Lemongrass Marshall's Hot Sauce, and Portland's on Secret Aardvark as well. We want to hear what you got. Hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter. Oh, wait, we left some stuff on the board, didn't we? I mean, we left Tabasco on the board for god's yeah there's a lot mary sharps is on there texas pete louisiana hot sauce melinda's melinda's was the big one that was my dad's uh favorite back in the day yeah melinda's is was fantastic uh just straight up horseradish

aka jewish hot sauce shout out to you wasabi that kiko man wasabi sauce you ever had that in the bottle but we want to hear yours hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail dot com that's on the internet shout out to everyone the afe patreon thank you so much for holding us down mailbag episodes auction drafts we're about to do one right after this uh the live episodes from denver that we'll be doing that's the only place to get those not to mention the trailblazing collaboration hat that we've done uh they're just all sorts of stuff bonus content pre-roll content afes without ads and on top of everything every dollar goes to support what we do here at all fancy everything and lets us continue to make this wonderful podcast for all of you wonderful all family members shout out to

everyone the AFE Shaslackity the AFE subreddit shout out to super producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos I got hot sauce in my bag swag I'm assuming dropped a huge just a massive audio drop right there sort of a Mike Will made it sort

of thing Mike Will shout out to Sanzu Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new hot and spicy episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sha-clackity. that was a hate gun podcast