All Fantasy Everything - House Party Jams (w/ Dulcé Sloan, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

It's a house party drought, but when they come back, you'll be ready. Oh lord. You will be ready. Dulce Sloan joins us to draft House Party Jams!Episode Guest:Dulcé Sloan @DulceSloan IG: @DulceSloan. Podcast: That Blackass Show.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture, from ad jingles to old people who could kick our ass and everything in between. On this episode, we're drafting house party jams with Dulce Sloan,

because who among us couldn't use a house party right now? I'm your host Ian Carmel and with me as always are comedians David Borey and Sean Jordan. Let's get to it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that is wearing bike shorts right now. Underneath, it's regular shorts. Push it real good. Stand up, my boy. Let me see.

I mean, I don't know how well you'll be able to see them, but I'll show you. Make it happen. Hold on. Now hold on. I mean, you can't like... Nice. That's all I needed. Can you see that thigh? It's a tight fit.

Is it technically a compression short? It's a compression short with pads built into it. I don't know if you can see that. Well, the pads are like on the gooch, so you probably can't see them. But they're in there. That's exactly what I wanted, man. Oh, man down. Hold on.

Yeah, we're back. All right. Okay. What was Alec Baldwin like? I was only at the so i was only at the um after party for that roast because i've been to like no you were in a movie with alec baldwin oh fuck yeah i was um we uh we're talking about clubhouse again his room's called you little pig yo david boy i could tell you this so one day i'm on the clubhouse

guess who starts following me on clubhouse uh jazzy fay crazy bone from bone thugs and harmony shut up shut up Shut the fuck up. Are you for real? Yes, because he, like, follows me on, he's been following me for, like, years. And, like, I think him, last time I checked, it was Crazy, Lazy, and Wish all followed me on Twitter. Wow. Crazy's the best one, though. You almost got the whole body.

I almost got the whole body. I looked on Clubhouse, and I was looking at my notifications, and I took a screenshot because it's like, Crazy Bone followed you, and I was like, what is happening? I just fucking lost it for two seconds. No, I get it because Wishbone follows me on LinkedIn, so I understand.

It's just like a media thing. You know what I mean? They're aware of people. Ken Bone follows me on MySpace, so I'm in on this too. Yeah, me and Tasha are friends on Facebook. So, you know. Yo, fucking Fahim Anwar used to have a joke about Tasha. And Tasha.

He was like, could you imagine being her? She's just like, you know, now she's just cleaning. You know, she's somewhere working as a cleaning lady. She's just mopping. And she's like, you know, I she's just cleaning. You know, she's somewhere working as a cleaning lady. She's just mopping. And she's like, you know, it's Tasha, right? Oh, man. You also know that they were like recording it at the house. When I was a kid, I thought she was Harmony and just her name was Tasha.

But I thought it was Bone Thugs. And then Harmony was like the singer. Oh, that does make sense. I wish that would have been. Do you remember that country that that like, that like. Ghetto Cowboy? Ghetto Cowboy, the country outlaw song they did? Please don't shoot us, just meet the queen.

With the white guy. My name is Powder P, can I get a 12 gauge? Yeah, that was, I believe that was Mo Thug's one, because not only did I have all of the Bone Thugs Bone Thugs and Harmony albums up until like the one that came out in 2000. I had Crazy Bone solo album Thug Mentality, which is not on iTunes. Then I had Mo Thug one, Mo Thug two. I had a Mo Thug charm for my necklace. Wait, skirt, skirt. Like the, you mean the the pyramid wasn't it a pyramid

so you had an all-seeing eye charm on your necklace no it was a pyramid with a black power fist on top and then i had a uh bone thugs of harmony black light poster then when i was 15 they came to the mall near my house. So I have an autographed copy of Thug Mentality, the book from the CD. Wow. Autographed by Crazy Bones. I met Crazy and Wish at the mall. That's when it all started. Long before Clubhouse.

Yeah. Long before Clubhouse. I don't know Clubhouse. The mall. It was crazy. I have a picture. I got to find it. But I call it my rise to have a uh i have a picture i gotta find it but i call it my uh rise to start a

picture because ludacris used to be a dj in atlanta chris love a lover right and so in the picture it's me at 15 taking a picture with crazy bone and then ludacris is standing right next to me wow but he's still an atlanta dj so he's not like ludacris yet youplaced that? How did you do that when it was chained to your body at all times? I would keep that in an attaché case handcuffed to my wrist. I had it encased in amber, and I realized, oh, I can't see this photo. Be like that Shaq suitcase, like a bodyguard behind me with that. So it was like from like a family photo album that I put somewhere for safekeeping, and it's so safe, I don't know where it is.

It'll pop up right when you need it most. It'll pop up right when you need it most. I was trying to do some stuff. For my 30th birthday I did a quinceanera. Oh, double down. Yeah, I did a double quinceanera for my 30th birthday. I had a whole dress. I had the corona.

I had the muñeca. My brother changed my shoes. All this other shit and i was like oh i should put pictures up and stuff i don't know what the fuck the album is um so one day probably when we move or some shit but yeah it's uh it's been clubhouse has been interesting um it's uh my favorite thing is when some problematic person starts talking and then it's me and then I start messaging who's ever running the room like DMing them and being like yeah so I know you

letting this person talk in your room but there have been some allegations so I don't fuck with this person some of our listeners may not know what clubhouse is well don't get on it it's blown up and they blown up It's fucking blown up You can follow David and Dulce on Clubhouse Sean and I as very Caucasian individuals

Are staying out and doing our part We're doing our part I know y'all listeners Them niggas don't even like me So they can keep their asses off the fucking Clubhouse They love you Them motherfuckers don't like nothing. Y'all's Reddit is wild.

There's no, you can't go off Reddit. I think that they love you. That cereal, there's motherfuckers still commenting about the cereal podcast. And the main note is that she's kind of loud. And I was like, bitch, I'm listening. They left out the part when you dipped your fingers in Anthony's drink and flicked it in my face.

They didn't see that for real. That's pretty hilarious. Oh, that happened? I have scarcely been more hungover and then more drunk in the span of an hour. It was like 11 in the morning on the Sunday of a bridge hunt. Yeah, it was way too early. Ian was out here just mainlining

fucking Pedialyte. I know at one point I did leave because I had to pee. But again, I don't understand why more people aren't talking about the fact that we did a cereal draft and Shane's pick was caramel popcorn and milk. I don't know why. Get him. We're talking about me being loud or maybe I was mean to Sean. I love it.

No one is talking about Sean. They don't like it when you're mean to Sean or maybe I was mean to Sean. I love it. No one is talking about- They don't like it when you're mean to Sean. Nobody was fucking mean to Sean. The nigga was fine. They don't like it when you're mean to Sean like he's not a 39-year-old grown man. I know you got a bunch of beta males listening to this fucking podcast. It's going down.

It's going down. Shit, I didn't know today was the day. Listen to our room on Clubhouse. It's going down. It's going down. I didn't know today was the day. Listen to our room on Clubhouse. That beta male you're talking about is Sean Jordan. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. That was cold blooded. Wow. Damn, Ian.

Wow. No one's ever came at me that hard and I was a crip. I got beat into a gang. Ian Cavill came back and now this nigga's talking real reckless. Oh no! He's coming from the shoulders. That's where it comes from. That's such a good get'em though. Oh, that beta male over there.

People think that beta male is the lowest you can get. They got gamma males, lambda males. I'm having a beta male. I'm a sleeping emoji male, I think. I don't know enough about the Greek alphabet to understand that. I'm definitely not an alpha male. That's for damn sure. Omega male. Omega.

You know alpha and omega? That was the name of a rapper. Yeah, I do know that. Alpha and omega? So was pain in the ass. David's favorite. Oh, that Puerto Rican kid. No pain in the ass know that. Alpha and Omega? So is Pain in Da Ass, David's favorite. Oh, that Puerto Rican kid. Window Pain in Da Ass, dude. Before and after for David.

Sean, what do you have going on? Anything to talk about? How are you, buddy? How's skateboarding going? I did a trick yesterday I've never done in my whole life. I can barely walk today, and I'm stoked. What was it? I don't know. I did a Nolly 5-0 shove it. Nolly 5-0 backside shove it out.

It took me an hour. I almost freaked out and focused my board. No, go to my fucking... Say them words again unless somebody Google it. It's on my Clubhouse profile. Go Google Sean Jordan. Go Google beta male Clubhouse. I pop up in a fedora.

You know what I heard when you said that? Yeah, I did a 1-8 187 mani-pedi yesterday. If I could do a 187 on a skateboard, well, I guess I could go kill somebody on my skateboard. Sean has done a 187 mani-pedi on a skateboard before. But that's what words you just said to me. You're like, I did a chili hot dog with sauerkraut, hold the kraut yesterday on my skateboard.

I'm like, that's what this nigga said. If we're talking about holding hot dog ingredients, that's a David Bowie special right there. David Bowie likes a naked hot dog. Hey, hey, hey, what up? I went to Costco the other day. Let me get a hot dog with everything. Hold everything and give it to me hot.

I just, I'm a dog enthusiast. You made the toppings you didn't even want? I'm a dog enthusiast. That's what it is. Yo, I love hot dogs. Oh, yeah. I did a Nolly 5-0 backside shove-it. I almost freaked out, but my friend Charlie calmed me down,

so I didn't focus my board, and then it took me an hour, but I did it. So thank you, Charlie. I need confirmation that's a real thing. It's focus your board? Does that mean break it in half? Yeah, like a petulant little child. I used petulant right. Yes, you did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did. See, don't let these folks tell you that you don't read and you ain't smart. Nobody said that to him! Couple people. Listen, did you listen to last week's The Consumption Thing? Did you listen to that?

No, the last one I heard was one with Solomon. If somebody died of consumption, what did they die of? Shut the fuck up, David. Isn't that like tuberculosis or some shit? That's right, it is. 100% right, yeah. Man, I had enough people come at me on Twitter that thought it was alcoholism, so I'm fine.

I thought it was alcoholism, I'm sorry. They're being consumed by their disease? I thought that's what tuberculosis was. I thought consumption because they were drinking Mad 40s, and so they died of alcoholism. Of consuming. Of consuming. I follow your logic.

No, I get it. Yeah. Oh, I thought you was like, okay, in that logic, that would be like anyone who died in an eating contest. Sure. Or like if you died consuming too much heroin or something, you consume, you die of consumption or something, you consume consumption. Anyway, I don't know why I was caught.

I remember years ago looking it up because I remember I watched a lot of like PBS. And so they talk about, you know, if you ever see one of Ken Burns documentaries, you're like, all right, what the fuck is consumption? Could it have taken motherfuckers out? Yeah. What does it have to do with baseball? And alcohol. Sorry. Alcohol took some motherfuckers out yeah what does it have to do with baseball and alcohol sorry alcohol took some motherfuckers out if y'all want to play a fun game uh me and this girl uh used to play this game called civil war letters that doesn't sound fun to me listen i don't know if i can hold on so all of this

i don't think that needs to get played it's just so you ever seen the ken burns documentary about the civil war oh yeah and they do the voiceover like i think there was like a sketch on like key and peel about it one time the slow pan on a picture slow pan but then they start arguing over these letters. So basically it's just like, you know, my dearest Meredith, and you just try to make it sound as, you know, as of the time as possible. It's actually,

I mean, I play with other people, but it's someone, one, has to see this document. They gotta see the Kim Burns, they gotta hear the letters, so it's very specific. Oh, do you mean like Uncle Jacob got lost in a scrap metal yard yesterday? We fear he's going to die with us. Yeah, it was like, my dearest Meredith.

Right. Like, my dearest Meredith. We've not seen my Uncle Jebediah in many nights. He went out to the outhouse and we have yet to see him again. My heart aches knowing that my Uncle Jebediah raised me as if he was my own father. And now there is a stench that we cannot explain. See, you know what game I like is Twister. But there's another game that me and your doye, Rob Hayes, came up with.

And I think I wanted to tell Ian about this. So basically, so we love two chains right we all love two chains yeah of course you might come up right so basically it's you're trying to rhyme something with two chains but it's a word

it's like homonyms so it's like so a prime example was swerving in traffic in front of a college in louisiana two lanes oh yeah right yeah yeah yeah yeah so crying while looking out of a window two panes um david knows that specifically Getting some mustard in his hair, two shanes. Super tight underwear on a famous basketball player, twins. What?

No, you need two of something. Two Hanes. Twins, two Hanes. Michael Jordan, come on. So it's something like that. So it has to be two of something. That's why I said the twins part. Yeah, I don't know what that means.

So it has to be, so it's two Hanes, so it's the draws and the person. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like a marshalling bird on a piece of construction equipment, two cranes. Yeah. Okay. Having a bunch of people having sex on public transportation, two trains.

Two trains. Oh, I don't like that. I get it. I told that girl to keep me weak and updated, two shays. Oh. Oh, I don't like that. I get it. I told that girl to keep me weak and updated, touche. Oh. Wait, tell me that one. A flying object landing in the Midwest. You gotta finish it.

You have to say the last thing, Sean. I did. Two planes. Why won't you guys finish it? No, we can't finish it. That's the whole point. If you finish it, then you didn't do your round, basically. I told her keep me weekend updated, touche. Like touche, but two Michael Che's.

Touche. No, you have to say something. Like it's a comedian that keeps me weekend updated, touche. You see what I'm saying? I got it. I have to say both things. Like, one of them is... I got the bubble guts in my new pants, two stains.

Right. Okay, okay. I get it. A calendar with Doris on every box, two days? What are you talking about? Doris Day. It has to rhyme with chains. Oh, I got you, I got you.

Okay, okay, okay, okay chains so the words have to it has to rhyme with chains and then be two things and the words rhyme with chains so like one of my friends was like like it's cutting your arm with a piece of cutting your arm with a piece of mirror

two veins you know what I'm saying so it's one of my favorite fucking games chopping for Gucci with my with a piece of mirror, two veins. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of my favorite fucking games. Shopping for Gucci with my favorite rapper, Two Mains? Yes! That works. I'm in. He's not my favorite rapper, but you know, just for the

poetry of it all. Shopping for high-end goods with a rapper from Atlanta, Two Mains. Something like that. Sean, that Pl planes one worked. That planes one was great. I've never had anybody say that one. I would always say flying through

the air with a piece of woodworking with a woodworking tool, two planes. I never thought about... It's a fun little thinky game, but then you're in your head instead of going okay how many fucking words rhyme with chains caramel popcorn with milk two chains

exactly exactly and also twister if you get bored at that one and then as a backup there's the twister room that man who likes to play twister is David Borey coolguyjokes77 on instagram the G is silent on twitter the Twister room. That man who likes to play Twister is David Borey. Cool guy jokes 77 on Instagram.

The G is silent on Twitter. How are you doing, buddy? I'm good. I had a good week. There's some stuff popping up that you'll see me in or around. So that's all good. I'm okay, man. I'm happy. What do you got going on?

Can you tell us or is it just keep an eye out? I just got it. So i'll tell you guys after oh beautiful that's very exciting you don't want to jinx it exactly exactly what's the what's the colorado update what sort of outdoorsy stuff have you been up to this week uh nothing crazy i'm supposed to go up to fort comms later for the super bowl nothing too nuts just been walking around the park i haven't been fishing in like a week or so uh yeah nothing crazy.

It's the dead of winter. It's got to be cold as fuck up there. It's not as cold as you would think. It's also like Colorado, the sun shines 300 days a year. So even when it's cold, it's like not that bad. Right. You know what I'm saying? And it's not like the Midwest Midwest where it doesn't,

it's not like, it's never like 10 under or some shit. You know what I mean? It's like the lowest it'll get is like the 30s. Well, you know what the Midwest is. Young. Young and restless. It's young and restless, yeah. Check this out, though. Check this out, though. Bruce and Lil,

two Waynes. Oh! No, no, no, you know you need a Still out here. There has to be another fair. so you've got two people you gotta have like a like a thing your thing that's happening it's not just like motherfucker i can't it's not the first thing it doesn't have to right like if if the word wayne meant something else gotcha oh there has to have two meanings it does i just can't do it i mean i know what a wang is but like wait wait there's a clubhouse over here like if you were talking about like i don't know a dick and i don't know a restaurant you know

yeah two wangs fine i am but there's only one way to talk about Wayne. Having dinner with Elon Musk and Vera, two Wangs. Oh! Yeah, because he's a dork. And she's on one of their last names, Wang. Yeah. You know what? I'll allow it. Thank you. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Sustained.

Thank you. The prosecution rests. Thank you so much. I love using legal terms in regular conversation. Like, I'll just go, ah, sustained. And people go, what? Hey, that was kind of cool. It works. Hey, friends.

I'm here. I'm out and about. That person who's out and about, Dulce Sloan is here. What's up, niggas? At Dulce Sloan on Twitter. At Dulce Sloan on Instagram. What's up, niggas? Add Dulce Sloan on Twitter.

Add Dulce Sloan on Instagram. That used to be my favorite thing. That's how Ricky said it. That's exactly how Ricky said it. I would walk when I was still going to my office. Josh Johnson, his office was like with this white dude Devin and then this other black dude Randall and I would just always walk in their office and be like

sup niggas I knew it was coming and the thing is even though Devin was like Devin would come up with so many black people deep cuts we were like Devin gets it we ain't gotta worry about Devin would come up with so many black people deep cuts, we were like, Devin gets it. We ain't got to worry about Devin. Devin's straight.

Devin understands the campaign. He knows the vibe. He's on Clubhouse. Well, you may know Dulce. I mean, you may know from, of course, the serial episode of All Fantasy Everything. One of my favorites. By the way, a live event that we happened to record.

So if you're on Reddick and Salty, keep that in mind. It was a very great comedy festival that we all truly miss. That's right. Can I tell you something? I was goofing around with Andy on Instagram and I said maybe we should bring it back.

And he said, in a not joking way, maybe we should bring it back and he said in a not joking way maybe we should bring it back so I'm just like yo I would do anything I could yo put that energy in the universe maybe Bridge Channel will come back he's got all this Jeopardy money now so Jeopardy money

he was on Jeopardy 5 day Jeopardy champion I think substantial. I don't know what the final amount was, but like. Because taxes are going to take half. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you still get a grip, though.

I mean, it was like 20 racks a day or something, probably. Depending on what your winning's in or on the last question, he could have been like, you know, what is oatmeal? And then bet it all. indy's smart though i feel like he's smart i feel like he would lay it up on the last cornell graduate this motherfucker i mean you want somebody like a lot of times you watch jeopardy and i'm just like you could have just bid a dollar dog i know like go buy you could have just used the price is right rules you didn't have to put all your money down.

If I was up, I would only gamble enough to make sure I won. That would always be like, you got to play it safe. Come back for the next round, in my opinion. I don't know. No, no, no. Sean says no. If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room. Well, there you go.

And that's all there is to it. Maybe I was wrong about that beta male thing. That guy's an alpha male when it comes to Jeopardy. He's no cunt. I mean, he's a 40-year-old man who, you know, is on a skateboard. 39. You ain't 19.

So you out here on these skateboards in these parking lots doing real precarious things with your bones, baby boy. So, of course, Sean's on the edge. He just did a fucking saucy kickflip with a side of eggs. First time.

First time. Nolly 5-0, shove it. I mean, it sounds like a short order thing at Waffle House. Jealousy is an ugly color on the three of you, I must say. I'm not jealous. Don't play me, bitch. Don't. Listen, I might have been by myself for too long,

but do not act like that I'm out here being jealous of a skateboard trick. I will end this call right now. Dulce is not on Jealousy, but Dulce is on The Daily Show. And also in the motion picture, Chick Fight with Alec Baldwin, who you can catch on Clubhouse right now. Yes. And then when is this coming out? This Thursday. Straight away. Yeah. old one you can catch on clubhouse right now yes and then when is this when is this coming out this thursday right straight away yeah so i'm in a cartoon on fox called the great north that premieres

on sunday valentine's day oh sick on the 14th so awesome yeah man your girl is in a cartoon they'd have fucked around and made your girl animated honeybee shot honeybee honeybee shot that's me and the cool thing is um when they were designing her character they asked me for my input so i was talking about her having an afro and her body and everything and i didn't know they put a flower in her hair like my afro until we had the first table read that's awesome i came and i was like she has a flower in her hair just like me she has a flower and like I took a picture I sent it to my manager

and I was like you have a flower in your hair just like he was like that's so nice so yeah it was really great that they did that

but yeah it's been really fun we've been recording it we got a second season already so that's amazing we've been recording

everything from home. I'll be watching that. That's with Nick Offerman, Jenny Slate. IMDb says Alanis Morissette as well. Yeah. Alanis Morissette plays herself as an imaginary friend of Jenny Slate's character, Judy. And then Will Forte plays my fiancée. And then Aparna Nancharla does the voice of Moon, the youngest kid.

And then, like, Megan Mullally does a voice on there. That's amazing. Julio Torres does a voice on there. So it's been a lot of fun. But, yeah, this time last year, I think I had just gotten home from filming Chick Fight. Because we filmed it. We were in Puerto Rico last year for 18 days filming the whole movie. Last year, I think I had just gotten home from filming Chick Fight because we filmed it. We were in Puerto Rico last year for 18 days filming the whole movie.

And now it's on the Amazon Prime. And, like, last week, like, when you got on, like, your fire stick, it was like, bam, movie, like, right there. Yo. I'm going to be having a Dulce double feature this week, and I'm going to watch Chick Fight and that cartoon. I can't wait. Thank you, friends. It's going to be fun Chick-fil-A and that cartoon. I can't wait. Thank you, friends. Yeah. David, you're silent.

We can't hear you. The G is silent. The G is silent. My boy is silent. Son of a bitch. The G has the worst microphone cable I've ever fucking... This shit is janky. Can you hear me now? There you are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How is this happening to you? You out here getting TV money. You in Colorado for no... Why are you in Colorado? Because I'm from here and I like it. I hear you. Sometimes, you know, sunny Los Angeles is like, you know what?

Fuck this. I'm trying to be cold. Yeah. I'm still mad at the mic. I'm taking it out on you. What I was going to say about Chick Fight is you're very funny and very horny. I love horny characters and you're very horny. Yeah.

A lot of funny lines. A lot of funny lines. A lot of funny lines. Thank you so much. I am playing a lady who enjoys the company of other ladies. She loves to get it. She loves to get it. Which me and Fortune were laughing at because Oh, is Fortune in it too?

Yeah, Fortune Feimster plays a character in it. I love Fortune. Yeah, Fortune's great. But Fortune, me and her were laughing because I play a lady who likes ladies, and her character's supposed to be straight, and we always were just, like, giggling about it on set. But, like, last year I watched the Super Bowl on the beach. Like, somebody had, like, a blow-up projector screen, and we were sitting in like somebody had like a blow-up project like a

projector screen and we were sitting like these little blow-up chairs it's like last year i watched last year on the super bowl sunday i spent the entire day in a bathing suit so i went to the beach and just had a cover-up and then some of the other people from the show i mean from the movie they're like we're getting pedicures so i meet them at the pedicure place i just had on like a two-piece bathing suit and just a sheer cover-up i go to the place to get a pedicure the place that does the pedicures in old san juan so basically we're at like it's like inside of a fort um but i'm getting my pedicures and they served vietnamese food and it was a bar there was a lot going on in this place yeah it's a very different sunday right it was delicious and then after drinking there all day they're like hey let's go over to this beach club um and so we go

over there and then i'm just sitting outside on the beach just because then we went there we went to another restaurant for dinner and then we went over to the beach. And so I was drinking. I don't remember paying for anything. Wow. I spent a lot of time not paying. Because they would give us per diem. But I didn't pay for shit. I can't tell you the wildest thing that happened. I'm sorry.

Am I talking too much? No. Go on. Okay. The wildest thing that happened was the last night that we were there. It was a fight club? One, I fell in love with this drink called Gasolina.

That sounds like trouble. Isn't that a Pitbull song? It's a Daddy Yankee song. Daddy Yankee song. I think Daddy Yankee might own the company. But it's called Gasolina and it comes in a pouch.

And there's a straw. God damn it. But it's like a Capri Sun with the straw already in. The straw's on the inside. Don't say you were just huffing gasoline. No, nigga. I'm trying to tell you. So it's this drink called gasoline

that comes in a pouch. There's like different flavors and shit. And it's like 10% rum or something like that. Oh. That sounds fuck. different flavors and shit and it's like 10 rum or something like that it is fucking great i've been trying to get uh what i'm still friends with one of the pas and i've been trying to get them to send me some but you can't like uh like oh no that's not you can't legally buy it that's not approved you can't you gotta lose a bet in vietnam to get that well you know like they'll have like those wine of the month clubs yeah but the u.s postal service can't deliver it to you because you can't send alcohol through the u.s mail right and for those of you that don't remember puerto rico

is part of you the united states um like they have our zip codes fucking mail post office whole thing our phone numbers everything so um you gotta get i'm trying to get him you gotta get him to dhl it right i gotta get like a dhl situation yeah or get him to lie just say he's not sending well he's a big deal this goofball don't walked into the fucking post office with a box of gasolina and then he's trying to take the pouches out and I'm like, bro, you should have known you was on a dummy mission. This is coffee. He was like, well, when they x-ray it, they're gonna

know. I was like, they're not gonna see the word gasolina when they x-ray it. They would have stopped me at the airport so many times and be like, sir, you don't have any blood. It's all liquor. But they can't see it with an x-ray machine. The United States Postal Service is the biggest drug dealers i know they're not looking at shit no that girl told him that yeah so he can't send it to me but like um our last night in puerto rico

we went to go we had um we had the like cold cast party and everything and there wasn't a lot of food there so we're like let's go get something to eat we go to the sushi place we're sitting there in this restaurant and i see the ceilings kind of link it like you remember those tiles you would see in high school portugal sushi spot sounds like an action bronson album by the way and it was great i mean this was great like but guys but i can say that one of the best italian restaurants i ever went to was at a resort in cancun right so we're sitting there and i was like hmm that ceiling looks like it might cave in just because just because I'm looking at I was like this a little drippy hmm but we'll be all right so they

only didn't have they only had one big table and so you know one of the PAs I was gonna sit like kind of closer to it because there was nowhere else to sit next to the drip I was like okay and he was like no you sit over here and I was like cool cool cool cool so it wasn't actively like like it wasn't like a you know don't say you can get it in america what are you talking about sushi gasolina you can't get it in america i just looked it up i just nigga put no put the link in the chat let me see i got you gasolina david going to put a picture of a butthole in there. He does it all the time. I got you. Wait, wait, wait. What flavor? I'm confused.

Original? There's original. There's like toronja. There's- No, two madras? I think you're looking at something wrong. I'm looking at gasolina pouches. There's a sangria.

Put the link in the chat. There's a sangria. There's the rum punch. Yeah, there's the sangria. There's a rum punch. Yeah, there's the sangria. There's a rum punch. Look at this. Put the link in the chat. Drizzly.com

It is on Drizzly.com It's just my home screen. Don't worry. This just happened. Gasolina. Oh, my God. Gasolina. Oh, it does not look like something you're supposed to drink.

It looks like a fire starter. The only way I know you drink it is there's a straw. Hold on. Gasolina. See, I'm not used to seeing the original. It legit looks like a quick start, like the logo for one of those logs that catches on fire easy. No, it doesn't look like it's supposed to be consumed. It looks like you buy

it where you would get other car parts at a Walmart or something. Yeah it looks like it's supposed to make your Dodge Neon go faster. God done fucked. It's called Gasolina Urban Blends. Okay I don't know who named it that. It's not for white people.

Well that ain't gonna stop me who named it that. It's not for white people. Well, that ain't going to stop me from trying it, David. I'll tell you what. That's what I ask for when I go to a barbershop and then immediately get asked to leave. It's called a fade. Damn it, Ian. Can't get one of those urban blends? It's a fade. Damn it, Ian.

Listen. Sorry about that. I think I'm going to get some gasolina. Let me tell you something. The sangria is the best flavor. I tried them all. Know that. One says two madre, and I don't want that.

I didn't see two madre, but yeah, gasolina. Equivalent stuff, I imagine. Yo, y'all done fucked. Let me tell you something your girl's about to be in here losing oh man i think this is i'm worried it's gonna be a problem what happened with the ceiling did it cave in on the pa so we sitting there you know enjoying our sushi being christians right yeah and um i get my food and this sushi you know it's all kind of deep fried and sauces and shit we got crab

meat on top we out here just living our best opulent lives and then i something hits me in my head and i don't and then you just something hits me in my head and then fucking plates crash cups crash and so and then the um one of the so it was the hairstylist the wardrobe and then some of the people working on the show i mean working on the movie um i just opened my eyes because i was sitting there going because you know it was like a whole group big group of us i had like a bunch of per diem left and i was like you know what i'll pay for dinner it's my last night in puerto rico i'll pay for dinner as i finish the thought i'll pay for dinner. It's my last night in Puerto Rico. I'll pay for dinner. As I finish the thought, I'll pay for dinner, the fucking ceiling hits me in the head. And I was like, well, I guess I just paid for dinner.

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, right. So the PA, he catches it. And then if I was sitting where he was sitting, I would have caught a whole bunch of it. But some of the ceiling hit me. And then Kia, who was the head of wardrobe, the ceiling fell directly on my food, her food. We had this cute little cup, a little tea cup, because you're in a Japanese. That crashes to the fucking floor.

Drinks crash to the floor. And the waiter comes over and was just like, is everything OK? And I hopped up and I was just like, I own this restaurant. Everything's on the house. Yeah. The house I own this restaurant. Everything's on the house. Yeah. The house is on us. So everything is on the house. Right.

He was like, what are you saying? And I was like, yo soy la dueña de este restaurante. Like I own this restaurant now. I just forget that you speak Spanish. Oh, yes. Yeah. I'm trying not to forget that I speak Spanish. But so he was trying to get people to i said he was trying to get people to build on sir i am currently picking ceiling tile

out between my titties omar Omar who is one of the hairstylists who every time he makes my afro even he goes balance and then walks off so now Omar's like oh dulce no tienes balance like Omar's pulling ceiling tile out of my afro

right and you want to walk up to somebody with a check I say ain't nobody paying no bill in here the ceiling is on my plate he was like well and you want to walk up to somebody with a check, I say, ain't nobody paying no bill in here. Yeah. The ceiling is on my plate. He was like, well, do you want to get something? And I was just like, nah, dude, I want to get out of here. I'm not going to order more food that you think I'm going to pay you for.

The ceiling fucking caved in. This was my last, like, it was only like last night there. Yeah, what's round two? You're going to get like the Tanago and then also some plumbing falls on you? Like, What's round two? You're going to get to Tanago and then also some plumbing falls on you? And then when we looked up and saw what was happening, there was a leak, I guess, from the AC system. Oh, sure. And the only thing they had

used to hold the leak was they had just put a bus tub. Y'all been to a restaurant before. Of course. Just shoved that in the ceiling to catch the leak that just filled up with water and then that just filled up with water and i was like yeah got heavy as fuck and it was still sitting up there and because he had already had like a little bit of an attitude when i came in so when he came over to the table and was just like looked at me like what's the

problem i was like what my fucker don't you see me covered in your ceiling why are you and like and i just me the pa caught most of it uh damey zard so he's covered in ceilings like this i'm like right you want to order something else i'm just like i just don't want to pay because at the as of that point i wasn't hungry anymore yeah because i was covered like literally an hour so there was a and then there was a sports bar across the street that had frozen gasolina on tap oh no of course i was over there trying to drink bet you were unfreeze the gasoline gasolina on tap what are you saying also excuse me garçon your gasoline is frozen what gasolinas

do you have on tap sangria like everywhere has sangria anybody see a gasoline list Garcon let me get let me get

two madure I'm feeling frisky tonight so this will be a very different Super Bowl a very different Super Bowl is the moral of the story yeah because some guy was like

some some Puerto Rican dude was trying to get me to go on a date with him and he was he's vaccinated because he works for hospitals. But he was like, well, I might go to my friends. Wait, is this right now that you're talking about?

Yeah, like today. So today is the Super Bowl. And he had like messaged me or whatever. And he wanted me to like go with him to like some, first of all, it was like a Super Bowl house party. And he's giving me all this backstory, his friends. And I was like, okay, well, first and foremost, I'm not going to meet all your friends the first time we hang out because that's a lot of pressure for me

um because what if i don't like you and then your friends are gonna be that's not right and then he wanted us to go to some sports bar in hoboken and i was like again in a panasonic you want me to go to a sports bar? In a panorama? Absolutely not. In a Panera Bread? In a Panama City, Florida? That's not happening. Also, I'm on the Gasolina Instagram.

They're based in North Bergen, New Jersey. Well, yes, I saw that. But they don't sell it in America. You can't get it in America. But they have all these events with the Gasolina Girls. Right. But the Gasolina Girls aren't here. Oh.

It's also a free rice and chicken tasting. Oh. So, you know. Hold on. What are you talking about? While you look into that, my name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Clubhouse, which is... Yay!

Which is extremely poppin' right now. It's extremely poppin'. It's mostly people just recording messages like, this you call locks? Stuff like that. Various people saying shit like that. I have nothing going on. Some people have wondered why I haven't been on the Late Late Show with James Corden lately.

It's because I've been playing it extra safe with COVID, but I should be back after our next hiatus. I'll be back on there as our show's version of Andy Richter, except extremely Jewish and with a mustache. I love Andy Richter. I do, too. He's such a nice man. He's so nice. I did a pilot with him. Did you?

I did a pilot with him a couple years ago yeah it was like me and him, Eva Longoria Kim Marino the black dude that was in I don't know why I can never remember his name it was sponsored by Gasolina but yeah I mean Gasolina I'm telling you

David Bore you should have never told me I'm gonna get some to my house they got Seabreeze now I'm telling you get some to my house. They got sea breeze now. I'm telling you. Do it. Get extra, David. I'll see you again. He's about to fuck up my spring.

No, it's not too madre. I think it's like two madras or something. I'm going to have a cooler of that in the backyard next time we can all get together. Just like casually the way people have beard. Yeah, there's some gasolinas if you want them grab grab a chair grab a pouch yeah you guys want a gasolina fucking crackers it's over dog like truly like y'all don't fucked up david boy david boy i'll love you for the rest of my life for this dog yeah i got you you know what you know when the gasolinas will come in handy next

time we have a house party which is what we're drafting today house party jams or bangers whichever way you want to phrase it the best songs to play at a house party which it's been a fucking minute since we've been allowed to have a house party it'll be another 45 seconds it seems like uh until we can but once we do today we will be drafting right around 20 perfect songs for just such an occasion. Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Here we go. Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I can't see you. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins. Finally.

David has thrown a rock. He's back on top. David, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question. Since it is Super Bowl Sunday, I'm going to use Tecmo Bowl,

the popular Nintendo game from roughly 30 years ago to explain what a serpentine draft is. That's right. So the whole game was pretty even unless you were Bo Jackson on the Raiders. And then you were about 7 times faster than every other player in the game. So you could put Bo Jackson in as

the kick returner, or you could just do a sweep. And what you would do is you would run down the field, but you didn't just want to score because that was crazy. So you would run 5 yards on the left sideline, and then you'd cut all the way across the field until the whole other team was chasing you. And then you'd run about five lines up the, or five yards up the right sideline. And then you would just run all the way back to the left sideline. And CJ, in my case, would get furious

at me for doing that. And then I would run five yards up the left sideline all the way back across the field. The whole team's chasing you this whole time, mind you. You will score. There's no way that you can't score unless for some reason you have grease all over your hands or whatever. Then you go five yards up the right sideline. You just zigzag all the way until you get a touchdown and then you're not friends anymore with whoever you were playing.

Basically what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. There's another way to explain that. David david with that in mind what will the order of today's all fantasy everything fantasy draft be david sean dulce in hot corner thank you damn it i'm third that's right sick man i'm never gonna get my shit yeah that's what i thought we don't know i got a weird i got a passion pick for my first one. Sean's going to take something weird. I got a bunch of weird picks. I got some weird picks too.

Some passion projects on here too. I have some picks that make a lot of sense. Well, I'll say we'll get to those picks in just a moment, starting with David Borey right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it.

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it was All Fantasy Everything. This is fucking it. It's the only form of media, really, of course, other than The Daily Show, where you can see our wonderful guest, Dulce Salon, and the cartoon, The Great North, coming out soon on what network?

What network is that, Dulce? It's on Fox. Also, David Borey. It's on Fox. It's going to be part of Animation Domination. It's going to come out on Sunday. It premieres on the 14th. Also, David Borey.

I put in my New York address. They will not send Gasolina to my New York address. It is not available. Oh, we're going to figure it out. As long as we can get it across the border. You maxed out your gasoline card. You're going to have to get a P.O. box in New Jersey or something. It's only February.

They sent you a year's worth already. Yep, Sangria, not available at your selected gasoline I selected in my address. Don't worry, when I go to New York, we're going to North Bergen. Yeah, we're going to be like at the head, like, yo, why are you playing with the kids?

Let me in. I mean, honestly, I just want to message them. I'm thirsty. What if I just message them on Instagram and was just like, hey, yo, I'm a big fan of your bed. I think you'd get some gasoline

out of the deal. Look at it, how this shit is running. I think you could just text my man. What do you want? Get it. Yeah think i think you'd be all right you could just text dude well like i posted enough uh i mean they make it in a garage how hard is it to ship i mean i did mention them in my stories and no one ever said a year ago and no one ever said anything tell them you'll buy the whole bathtub tell them you'll buy the company fuck it dude it was everywhere in puerto rico like you could buy it in the walmart like buy the case so what do we need 10 grand i mean we could get 10 grand like you know we are buying he's a mogul daddy i think he's a mogul it might take more than that um what we will take 11 grand david boy is your first pick. Let's say

we're at a house party. We're drinking gasolina. What is your first pick? Oh, my first pick. This is why I had to bury Dulce third because it was going to come up and I have to pick it first. Nuck if you buck. What are we talking about? I'm going to put you in the fucking flow, Borey. We knock in.

We buck in. Fucking ready to fight. Come on, man. this was I was trying to win the fucking I knew he was gonna pick this I was like if Borey goes first or even Sean

and I knew Sean was gonna be a problem cause he talks about shit being buck all the time anyway I was like if I do not go first

I'm gonna miss knock if you buck also fun story so Josh Johnson hates that song why? crime mob ho why does he hate that song because to quote Josh directly Josh said

Nuck if you buck sounds like somebody throwing a GED down the hallway of a juvenile detention center that's why I like it throwing a GED down the hallway of a juvenile detention center. That's why I like it. That's the best terrible description for that song. All the time, I just, every time, I scream.

Every fucking time I think about it. Because we were, one day at work, we were trying to figure out if there was a new Negro spiritual, what would it be? It was obviously Nuck If You Buck. And then even the British black chick at work was like, Nuck If You Buck. Her family's from Nigeria. It was even in the realm of Negro spiritual. Nigerians are bucked, though.

Right, of course. I've met them. Nigerians are bucked though right of course I've met him so we so Josh was trying to say it should be the song Georgia by Ludacris and we were like what? oh no come on

why am I getting involved in this conversation I'm sorry that's terrible so of course we were going around the office and everyone was just like not giving you a buck of course and one of the guys was like but it's office and everyone was just like, not give you a buck, of course. And one of the guys was like, but it's so ignorant. I was like, because they were like, but the feeling that you get when it comes on, like

we were talking about. So they done fucked around and gave your girl a little bit of disposable income. And so what I did was I went on a trophy website and got Josh a trophy that's like a foot tall. Yeah, it's like a foot, a little bit hard, like a foot, foot and a half tall. Wait a second. Those listeners, Dulce pulled out a ruler to confirm. Yes, she sure did.

Dulce had a ruler at hand and pulled it out to confirm her recollection of how big this trophy was. What? I'm at my cre- And Sean thought she might not know this trophy was. I'm at my craft desk. And Sean thought she might not know what consumption was. She pulled out a ruler, this fucking nerd. And if we talk about math, I'm pulling out an abacus later.

I believe you have everything right at your disposal right now. Oh, yeah, I'm at my craft desk. I got, like, you know, if I need, you know, got a little crazy glue. You know, got some crazy bone, crazy glue. Yeah, crazy bone, crazy glue. You know, just sitting here. Get ash. You got some baby oil.

All I have are fucking jelly beans that say bean boozled on them. That's what I got. I got a jug of water. I get Josh this. it's a boxing trophy and it says on there on the plate so it's like a dude like punching like in the physical act of punching and there's a plate on there and it says for knocking and bucking and being ready to fight josh johnson runner up so it's beautiful originally i was gonna put first place but i was telling roy about it and roy was like nah put runner up yeah you got right

which is fucking funnier than first place so i addressed it to josh at the office so i sent it to the office and so when it came to the office it went straight to Josh's desk so Josh has package on desk and so I didn't know when it came but it's just but um Josh comes to my office holding the trophy at his side looking somebody looking like somebody just killed his dog on Christmas day right just real like Santa done killed like just looking like completely destroyed and he just goes the worst part about it was you sent it to me I was like what do you mean

he was like I had a package on my desk and I was like oh somebody sent me something somebody cares about me and then I opened the box and it was like oh somebody's trying to hurt me he hates this fucking trophy it's one of the best things it's a very nice trophy too that's amazing that's the thing this trophy this trophy

cost me like over i think like over 100 bucks or something like that it's a very nice song it's a great fucking song i don't understand understand why Josh doesn't like it. No. But when that man says it sounds like somebody throwing a GED down the hallway of a juvenile detention center, I lost my shit. Because he's not wrong. It does, but in a good way. Jumping off from over the stage, throwing loads like Johnny Cage. You know, now we're nucking, we're bucking, and ready to fight.

I almost picked a different Cry Mob song to open up. Really? Nobody knows different Cry Mob song to open up nobody knows another Cry Mob song you do know the other two the other two hits that I'm not gonna bring up cause they could get brought up okay fine I will say my favorite Nuck if you buck memory is I was out at the club in Atlanta was it Nuck in or Buck in?

it was being ready to fight so we're out at this club in Atlanta. The song had just come out. It probably went out for a month. Everybody was playing it every year. That's a bad time to be out. Nobody's safe. Right.

You always know the kind of clubs. My favorite clubs are the ones where you see if the girls have sneakers on like if the girls have sneakers on that's how i know that's how i know you love gasolina if the girls got sneakers on we could have fucking fun in here that means bitches ain't here we're trying to be cute we're trying to you know we're trying to dance have fun and so you know we'll we'll hear the dj go all right nah nah nah and then like toward like it's like the middle of the evening and the dj just comes on turns all the music on is like yo we not playing

if you buck we just got new he goes we not playing knock if you buck we just got new furniture and everyone was like you right all right thing go go ahead there go ahead. All right, all right, all right. And everyone just accepted it. Because when you said, we got new furniture, you're like. I have the same rule in my home. Yeah. That you won't play Nuck If You Buck? If I got new furniture.

You can play that at a rented house party. Not one you just. You can't play that at a house you own. You play that at a hotel party. Yeah. All right, we're moving to the backyard to play Nuck If You Buck and then a couple you own. You play that at a hotel party. Yeah, all right, we're moving to the backyard to play Knock If You Buck and then a couple other songs. You've been at a hotel party and been like,

how has no one busted this up yet? Every hotel party I've ever been to. Yeah, exactly. I'm always like... I've had hotel parties where it looked like, I mean, sardines in the room and like weed, cigarettes, drugs. And I'm just like, we're kids i i just don't understand it sounds like you was at a motel party that's true they were grown up staying there i've stayed

at motels where kids are having parties and i hear it and get pissed like i don't know how nobody stopped that me and sam t through one in denver where we got we have like five rooms we told them we told them we were you get them on like the corner yeah we told them we were a high school reunion and we have like five rooms one was just a fucking room is great time it's so funny people would go smoke cigs by the window and you're like you can just if if you're doing it you can just do it i mean that's not saving us anything yeah yeah yeah it's like either do it fully in here or go outside. You buy the window, it's ridiculous.

It's like you're blowing it up. I've been in hotels like on the road where I'm either like sitting, like it's like just the doors just open. I did make the mistake one time on the road and I got a smoking room. Oh, no. Oh, God, it's so gnarly smelling. Oh my god. You just wake up, you smell it for days. The room is smaller

because of all the layers of smoke. Right, and then I was like, oh, I'm in an ashtray. I think I eventually was like, I was like, well, I might as well smoke in this bitch because my eyes are burning. They've been smoking in there since the 70s. You were nowhere near a video auto machine, but you still lost You were nowhere near a video auto machine,

but you still lost about $180 on a video auto machine. That's what the room smelled like. I've never gambled in the back of an Exxon, and yet somehow I have. I sure have. Knock if you buck. Amazing song. The exact energy you want at a fucking house party,

in my opinion. At some point in the house party, you want that energy. Yeah, just for a minute. I like the fact that Borey knew Dulce's here. Let me pick this song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to scoop it up. No, I picked that song when you picked the topic.

I picked that song when I picked the topic. Yeah, this is four days in. I knew that's what was going. Sean Jordan, you have the second pick, and we've been promised a sort of a weird pick, a niche pick, if you will. A passion pick on my end. I imagine it was going to get brought up, but I don't think first. I'm going

tipsy by Jaquan. I don't even remember this one. Yes, you do. Teen drinking is very bad. But I got a fake-out Edo because he talked like Oscar the Grouch. One, here comes the two to the three to the four. Baby girl

ass jiggle like she want more. Like she a groupie, I ain't even on tour. Oh, I hated that song. Somewhere Nick Nampay, not on the podcast, not in the studio is nodding along vigorously. That song is perfect. Yeah, yeah.

For a house party. That song is perfect. Yeah, yeah. For a house party. Buddy. That song is perfect for a house party. I remember that song getting remixed to Everybody in the Club Need Jesus. I remember singing that. Being out, Everybody in the Club Need Jesus.

That's a gross perversion of what the song was about. But I felt that was so much more than the original. You didn't like that song? I love that song. I hated that fucking song. I remember I put that on a CD six times or something just so we wouldn't have to keep hitting play again.

So I just brought a CD to my buddy Kirschman's house. Yeah, because I was like, this is all I want to listen to for the night. So we brought it over to Kirschman's house and we would all only drink like Jäger bombs. And I played, i was like this is all i want to listen to for the night so we brought it over to kirschman's house and we would only drink like jaeger bombs and i played i was like this cd's got tipsy on it like six times so we just we listened to it all night and he had a mini pool table that was wonky so we couldn't even play legit pool on it just sat in the basement drank jaeger bombs and listened to tipsy all night there wasn't and there wasn't a single girl there. No, no.

I doubt it. It was Kirschman, Brian, Adam, me, Marbus. Yeah, no, Shanman. Homemade Jager bombs. I haven't had that night, but I've had that night. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah. Shout out to dudes with shitty pool tables.

Yeah. One of them sold weed, and it was Kirschman. Well, whatever. Somebody sold weed. You already said it was, well, whatever. Somebody sold weed. You already said it was Kershman. We'd mention it and he'd be like, no, I don't say anything. Meanwhile, it was one of those cribs where the whole front porch was a red light with a Bob Marley flag instead of a curtain. And you're like, bro, everybody knows this is the weed house.

The cops know, your neighbors know. The only reason the sheriff's not over here is because his son frequents your establishment and didn't want to arrest his own kid. Yeah, we just sat. I still look back so fondly thinking, like, it was the way that I like to party now where it's like it doesn't, all that needs to be present is a good time. Like, it was honestly just seven or eight dudes, but it wasn't about anything other than having fun. There was no ulterior motive.

Fun was the whole thing. Nobody was out trying to get it. Getting completely fucking trashed and throwing up had to be the ultimate goal. If you're sitting there drinking Jagger Bomb. Make sure you get trashed. Throw driving around in there, too. It wasn't kissing a girl. No.

Definitely wasn't getting laid. Hey, you want some of the Jagger Bomb, Brett? So Tipsy so Tipsy Tipsy was just an opening salvo for that evening it was you progressed far beyond Tipsy by the time the night was over

dude it was so fun oh no they were so fun they were drinking gasoline before gasoline yeah hey man they don't know the campaign baby

they don't know what they don't know what time it is I'm gonna fuck okay there were some things that I can't bring up even like stuff that still might be an issue. So it's like, yeah, there were buck parties.

Oh, so y'all killed a hitchhiker. That's right. I know what you did last summer. Yeah, they killed a drifter for sure. I don't know if they're dead yet, but yeah, it's something like that. So would you maim? Yeah, where are you? Inconvenience the hitchhiker?

Did you change them like Suge Knight? What happened? Said I can't bring it up. Okay. All right. Yeah, anyway. Tipsy Jaquan. Tipsy by Jaquan. Six times on a CD. inconvenience the Hitchhiker? Did you change him like Suge Knight? What happened? I said I can't bring it up. Tipsy by Jaquan. Six times on a CD. I'm over Sean's fucking anonymous ass, vague ass stories. You can't prove them wrong.

So it's just like, yeah, I can't talk about it. Like what? You did nothing. I've hung out with some of Sean's crew, I believe. Don't challenge me I'm not challenging you I'm just saying sometimes these stories fall off I think one you just can't remember

You're like uh yeah you know I don't want to talk about it I'm like nah I'll tell you after I want to know after This was fuck Like I give a fuck what a bunch of middle school white boys In the middle of nowhere South Dakota was doing on a fucking Friday night. That hurts my feelings.

We were 22. We were in middle school. It's called Dog Patch. It's not the middle of nowhere. Yeah, it was North North Cliff. I don't know what you're talking about. North North Cliff? Oh, that's the rough side of North Cliff.

Yeah, it is the rough side of North Cliff. Bori, where is Sean from again? Where is Sean from again? It's an area, a lot of at-risk youth, a lot of boys and girls club, a lot of people trying to figure out activities for the teens, otherwise they will fall victim to the streets. A lot of people rapping for recreation and as a way out. Right.

Dancing, trying to figure out, out you know they're all playing baseball because that's the only way to get out of their neighborhood a lot of dudes with pocket knives you know what i mean i had a butterfly we were just talking about butterfly knives last night i had a butterfly knife i knew a lot of dudes growing up that had butterfly everybody thought they were gonna stab someone if i tried to stab someone with a butterfly knife, I would just... I don't know what to do. Hold on! Just as a contrast,

I didn't know a lot of guys with butterfly knives growing up. So just to provide a contrast, I probably knew eight. It was definitely like a white dude thing. I grew up in the suburbs. My friend Drew got stabbed with a butterfly knife.

See, and that's how Borey makes it real life. You see what I'm saying? Borey will tell you that Drew got stabbed. Fucking Sean's like, well, you know, there's some, yeah, you know, I was a crip. So it's like, it just gets swept under the crip rug. And then you don't know what happened. They'll say, you don't just get out. Oh, you want to play this game?

You want to play this game? You want to act like one of my neighbors isn't on gangland? You want to do it? It'll come back to bite me one of these days. I have a feeling I'll go back home and somebody's going to be like, I remember you and just beat the shit out of me. I'm fully prepared for it to happen. Or y'all are the same age and they to be like, I remember you and just like beat the shit out of me. I'm fully prepared for it to happen.

Or y'all are the same age and they'll be like, hey, man, I remember you. What happened? Like, I don't think you're going to get in a fight. I think they're going to be like, how are we in a gang in the middle of nowhere? Like, I think the conversation is going to be like, we got to help these youth. They didn't they didn't help us. We got to help the next generation. Like, I don't think somebody is going to fight you. I think they conversation is going to be like, we got to help these youth. They didn't they didn't help us. We got to help the next generation. Like, I don't think somebody is going to fight you.

I think they're going to go. I think we need to be somebody who I wasn't that maybe that cool to like who's going to be like, hey, I remember when you thought you were tough for that brief two years in your life. And then now they're like for real tough. And I'm not. I've I got it coming. Yeah. I don't think you should worry about this. I don't think you should even give a shit.

That feels good. Thank you. I appreciate it. In case it does, you better get yourself another butterfly knife. Dulce, it's time for your first pick. I will remind you, Knock If You Buck by Crime Mob is off the table. Crime Mob, oh. Punch you in the neck, dude. Oh my God, that made me laugh.

I'm going to have to say one of the songs that I've had the most fun with in my entire life. If it wasn't, they were tied for first. Swag surfing. Oh, yeah. 100%. I don't know that song. Yes, you do. You do know it.

One of my favorite swag surfing memories was I was in a club in Atlanta called Mama's Primetime. That used to be a skate and rink. Didn't have one in Sioux Falls, unfortunately. They used to be a skate and rink and it still had that skate and rink carpet in there. So like the kind of like black, like the kind of bowling alley kind of carpet. And so Swag Surfer comes on

and there's literally like 200 people in this club, right? Over 200 people. So they get, they're like, we swag. Like, so the whole night they're like, we Swag Surfer to midnight. We Swag Surfer to midnight. Like they're like, we swag. Like, so the whole night they're like, we swag serving at midnight. We swag serving at midnight. Like they're letting everybody know. So at 1155, they're like, yo, everybody get in formation.

So everybody, there's multiple lines of people. Because when a song starts, it's kind of like a huddle situation. Yeah. So we're, it's line after line after line after line. And everybody's got their arm on each other's shoulders. And they're like, all right, when it drops, we're going to the right. And it's just, and when it starts, and it's like, we're going to the right. And it's 200 black people.

It was probably like probably 200 or 300 black people. And they're like, all right, to the right. And then it just starts. And it's like, boom. And everybody hits the shit at the same time. I like it. And it's just 10 lines. It's just 10 rows of fucking people from end to end to the club.

Motherfuckers at the bar doing it. I like it when people hit it super low. Like super low. Oh, man. Because if the person next to you is going low, so you're going low. And there's always, especially if you're doing it in a group, there's always like we were at a party party for a comedy festival and Rob Hayes, I don't know if the nigga ran up or where he came from, but he just comes out, he just comes sailing through the air and then just landsurfing. We were like, ah! But we did it.

Wait, were you at Bridgetown Bori when we did it? No, I would have. Were you at that Bridgetown? I would have talked about that on this podcast a bunch of times. So I think it was like one of the last Bridgetown. I think it was the last one. And we were like,

all right, we swag. It was like at the after party. It's like, all right. At midnight we swag. Because I think, I think, I think Ian, you were there. Yeah, absolutely.

Right. So, but it was all the black people like, all right, all right. At midnight we swag. At midnight we swag or whatever. And so, midnight hits we're grabbing you know we grab everybody get ready but the thing like i said it starts with

a huddle so we're all doing the huddle part and you see all of these white people going oh my god what are they doing what i think i think did they call each other did jonah ray have to cut off halfway through a modest mouth song he was djing at midnight i think you were djing i think you were djing and i told you what the plan was you were like all right yep yep yep yep yep yep yep but yeah i've had more fun or um when we were in miami for the show i don't know for some reason i started playing it at sporting events so we were at a miami you can play it at anything it's it's like a catch-all. Right, so I'm at a Miami Heat game.

It's like if the wave didn't suck. Yeah. I'm going to drop it in the chat so Sean can see. I'm sorry, Sean doesn't know about swag surfing? I don't think so. I don't think I know the song. Hold. I don't think so. Of all the deep rap music cuts.

I bet he's heard the Lil Wayne one. I bet you've heard the Lil Wayne one. What's the melody? What do. I bet he's heard the Lil Wayne one. I bet you've heard the Lil Wayne one. What's the melody? What do you mean? It's... Yeah, because Lil Wayne does a cover on No Stealings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got the grandma in this Bugatti. I'll listen to it after. I don't want to fuck anything up recording. 2B8 say no such thing as driving home in this Bugatti, bitch. I know the whole song. UBA say no such thing as driving home in this Bugatti, bitch. I know the whole talk. Yeah, Swag Surfin' is great.

That's the only kid's... Perfect first pick. It's the only hit those kids had. But it's perfect for a party because it's like, it can be a group dance without you having all of the shit that you have to do. Like when you're trying to cupid shuffle and you're like all right there's a lot of too many too much to the left to the left down down to i don't want that sure is this interesting thing i don't want to bring up other examples

because i don't want to say other picks but like these like want songs by groups who you never really hear from again in any like big meaningful way but they just have these songs that fucking blow up a lot of them seem to be from like atlanta but like because we fucking party dude like we ain't doing nothing else i mean it is funny what people say to me like i think somebody like a couple years ago was like i'm going to atlanta and i was like why like it's not the aquarium the party party atlanta is over little john was the end of party atlanta so unless you're trying to i don't know pay too much for an apartment complex or get a ticket from park atlanta there's no reason to go down there except people a lot of people came down for new year's

because georgia is completely open i don't know about that i mean there's still magic city's still up and running yeah there's still strip clubs and shit, but it's like outside of that. Like, but now, but the strip clubs also close at like 2.30. So. Oh, no. Listen, if there's one. Yeah, that's for everybody. Yeah.

There's one thing I know about myself. It's that I do not need to be in a strip club at 4 a.m. No. No, no, no. I mean, you know, it depends on where you are now maybe if you go to blue flame it might be open later the problem is blue flame is a lean-to like just like i've seen the blue frame i've been like it's just the window ac unit just cut out of a wall oh i'm sorry what else do you need for an establishment right so there's a, but it's like somebody went up to a regular wall and was like, we need some AC.

And then just cut a fucking hole for when I was like, this is not some place I need to be. They got an oven full of gasoline. It should be all good. Everybody in the club need Jesus. That's that's what everybody in the club need Jesus. Ian, what were you partying to when you were in someone's home, friend? Well, I'm going to take my first pick. My first pick by an artist who, like,

we may know more than two songs from in this, like, entire draft, but I'm going to take Hot in Her by Nelly as a house party song. Yep, absolutely. Hot in, hot in, so hot in her. So hot in,

so hot in, so hot in her. Oh! The problem with that song was That song came out before I had known The touch of a woman So it was always like It was always like a yearning song Like I would hear that song and be like

Damn I wish I had some Fucking chicks I wish I had some chicks chicks. Like, you know. I wish I had some chicks. What are you doing? Fucking boy meets world. What are you doing? Bro, I'd be like, I'd be like grounded in my room.

Like, yeah, this song is cool, but like it would be better. It's not fun to beat off to. I'll tell you that. I have to frame this pic. I have to frame this pic. What? I have to frame this pic so What? I have to frame this pic

so to say, this is not the song that plays where I get the most excited. Something like a knock if you buck or swag surfing, something like that. This is a song I'm picking because when it comes on at the kind of parties I came up going to, this would get the biggest reaction

from the widest swath of people and would like, would make people entertain the thoughts of perhaps taking off their clothes. And did you say the widest swath or the whitest swath? This was Portland, Oregon. This is a this is one where it works both ways. This is a two chains game. It's a two chains game. Two whites. Two what?

Two what? You'd have students who went to Portland State University and students who went to Reed taking off their clothes. It was a wide variety of white people. Here's another question I have. Yeah. Have you ever seen anybody actually get naked to that song? I've never seen it.

Not fully naked, but I've seen it down to bras. I've seen it down to bras before. That's good enough. When you get people drunk in a basement party on Clinton Street with that song playing after several songs by Starfucker and Modest Mouse, and then that comes on and people are excited for once in the whole evening. They've been drinking Coors Light all night. Yes, yes, we'll say.

What did you? You said Miles Miles and who? Starfucker. What is this? Starfucker is a band, Sean and I are actually, well, Sean's buddies with people who are in it and they played like a basement party in my house in Clinton, but they're kind of like a big indie rock band who do kind of like, they do,

like indie pop would be the best way to describe it. So they're a band with day jobs? Is that what you're saying? I bet a couple of them have day jobs now. Or did when they played My Basement, I mean. But probably not now. Your basement that rules, though. That's great.

That's great. It was awesome. I mean, is it Hot in Here? Hot in Here by Nelly, yeah. So they're not like taken back Sunday level? No, no, no, No, no, no. They weren't that big. But they play the same festivals now.

Now I'm going to take a pick that I would get excited about. But it's perhaps just as basic. I'm going to take Mr. Brightside by The Killers. Sing the chorus. I'll sing the chorus. Jealousy turning chits into the sleeve.

Turning loose lip lullabies. Choking on my alibis. Well, that's just a surprise event. Jealousy is calling. Got it, got it, got it. Fitting up my eager eyes. That's also one of those songs you can't listen to quiet. No.

Right? You can't listen to it in your headphones just walking around. It starts with coming out of my cage and I've been doing just fine. That's what I thought. Okay. Yeah, I know that song. I know that song. Well, when I used to work at the comedy club, we'd play the Killers album To clean up And we'd play it that loud

Because of all the Fucking old people That came to the comedy show That didn't really want to go But they just came Because they won tickets On the radio Yeah

They would just leave Because they heard the loud music And then we would just Party to it While we were cleaning up It was fantastic David are you drinking water Out of a vinegar bottle

Don't Come on man That's not what this is about It's a water bottle It's an odd shape maybe the hardest i've ever danced with like was at a late late show uh when we did our shows in london one of the years like after party which is not not a house party but it was very much a house party vibe kind of thing we were like downstairs uh a bunch of Brits and American white people, for the most part. Mr. Brightside came on, and people were just screaming the lyrics at each other.

Six inches from each other's faces. Just screaming the lyrics, doing whatever kind of dances we could do. And just cutting fucking loose. Nate Fernald, who's a writer on the show was like doing some crazy dance like in a huge loop just by himself he's if you ever get to an opportunity where you could see nate fernald dance uh you should it's rare but it's amazing he rules right he's a dj too isn't he he does yeah yeah yeah but like like i said like joe like you know modest mouse not modest but he's like actual indie rock but like just said, like Joe, like, you know, Modest Mouse, not Modest Mouse, he's like actual indie rock, but like just fucking cutting loose, like complete like levels of I don't care what I look like right now.

And that's a good thing because I'm not dancing well. And there's people going nuts. Yeah, people just go nuts to Mr. Brightside. It's the fucking knuck if you buck for white people. Yeah, but I think the thing that's always confused me as a human being who walks in nature is just the total lack of control that white people have over their bodies. Like, just, it's the oddest thing to me. So I've thought about this a lot. Tell me more, David.

I've thought about this a lot. I think that's the point. I don't think they're even trying to dance on the point is just losing control right like i think that's like the whole i think that's like the whole thing i get it that's a mosh pit i understand but the thing is i've seen more coordination in a mosh pit than i've seen at certain bars which is like i'm moving with i think it's sometimes when i see white people's like there's no purpose in this like you're not on beat but you're also not off beat like there's a lot going on like i had a bit about it we're just like i don't understand how white people their arms and their legs can be in the air at the same time but they're not on the ground.

Like, how are you? It's like a Jim Henson situation where it's like, how are your arms and legs both up? I think we get into our own heads. I think we get into our own heads. I wonder when white people became bad dancers. I don't think. You said became? I don't think it became, but I think this is genetic.

No, everybody used to dance. I don't think it became, but I think this is genetic. No, everybody used to dance. I don't know. Like the Lindy hop and shit like that? Like everybody used to dance. Yeah, because that was a core. Like they used to pop. Like when you see like, you know, people doing like the twist and like, you know, all these other dances and shit. Even like a swing dancing.

Yeah. It was like, okay, so white people used to have control of their body. And I don't know if it was like the 60s or the 70s happened. And then everybody's limbs just became fucking noodles or something like that. Where it's just like, we can't be controlled. It was like, I don't, I wonder what happened. Maybe there's something in our genetics where we can dance to In the Mood by Glenn Miller. You know, like.

Maybe there's something in our genetics where we can dance to In the Mood by Glenn Miller. You know, like... But once you introduce drums into the equation, we just have no idea what to fucking do. Maybe the issue is drums because there's not a history of drumming. Listen, guys. Once we start talking about what's in genetics, this is a slip through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how he gets canceled. And then it's going to be like somebody's got an extra thigh.

Why do people have an extra tendon in our legs that stops us from getting on the phone? I love that Bill Burr joke where it's the quick twitch and the fast twitch. And all of a sudden, you know, this dude's just standing there in front of a podium with a box and an Emmy sticking out of it. He's like, I was just talking about the quick, quick, and now I got fired. Like, I don't know what happened. I just was talking on air. Oh, God.

It does feel like it's a thing that happened. Because if you go back and watch Little Women, which I know is like a movie or whatever, but they do these crazy coordinated dances and everything, and everything looks like fucking beautiful. Everybody knows the dance that they all do together. I know how to waltz. And it's like, the dance you know everybody knows how to waltz i don't know how to waltz and it's like we all had to learn how to fucking waltz r.i.p christopher plumber i was watching the sound of music and they like they knew this like super coordinated dance and everything i'm telling you everybody used to

dance it was not like uh i don't know when that shit happened but like everybody used to dance i blame the hippies it's the hippies it probably was the hippies cause everybody got too loose hippies can't dance hippies can't dance and now you're like Carly Simon in the fucking wind that's why I'm like going to white strip clubs cause that's what all the strippers

look like just Carly Simon swaying in the wind this bitch ain't doing no tricks she ain't doing nothing she just thinks being out here just swaying around this. No, bitch, get your money. Shake something. It's a waste of time. Second act of Forrest Gump ass dancing.

That's the same thing I say in the strip club every time. It is. David yells it. You also always get that one hippie. You also get the one hippie who's always dancing way too hard and doing that hippie move. You know what I mean? Where you're like, that's not even remotely what the song is doing what are you doing dude we're on a four four where are you what happened yeah is he's inventing new beats it's fucking dave brubeck dancing up there and

shit like uh get your money i'm not even talking about strip clubs i'm talking about just like hippies at like music festivals uh dulce, time for your second pick. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Hmm. Well, I will talk about a song that, again, from Atlanta, makes it very silent. Or, or, you know what? I'm going to switch it up on you hoes, okay? Okay.

Hmm, hmm. I'm going to say Smells Like Teen Spirit. teen spirit oh yeah that's a good one that's a good one yeah because i could tell you so i've met so recently i was at a thing and i met dave brule right and so we're at this thing and i'm talking to him and i was like can i tell you a very ridiculous story he was like yes please I was like so one of my favorite memories of that song is I'm at this thing in Atlanta called Soul Fusion so it's like 25 and up

or whatever type of thing and so it's this two level club so it's like a two story club there's like a second story you can see down and there's like 400 fucking black people in there and they start playing spells like teen spirit. Right. And the room goes fucking nuts.

We're all jumping up and down, yelling the song. But then you could spot. So this is like supposed to be like a grown and sexy type of like, you know, educated, like, you know, uppity Negro type of thing. Right. But you could spot the hood cousins in the crowd because I had a hood cousin standing next to me. And while I'm jumping up and down singing a song, he taps me, he goes,

hey, how all y'all niggas know this song? What's happening in here right now? I was like, what do you mean? He was like, what is going on? Who is this? And I was like, dude, this smells like T-Spirit by Nirvana. What are you talking about?

And he was like, yo, I don't know who's through this song i don't know like he's having a real moment he was like he was upset he was very confused and like it was like why all he was he literally said to me why all these black people know this song how black people know this song they jump it up and down listening to this and i I was like, first of all, did you watch Bill Nye? I was like, he's never seen Bill Nye the Science Guy. That's fine. So you don't know the parody. There was a smell like teen spirit parody on Bill Nye the Science Guy.

But anyway. All I remember is the waves one. Right. So he was legit, like after the song he was like, okay, so explain this to me. And I was like, it's Nirvana. He's like I don't, I he's like i don't i don't know i don't know i don't know what that is so i'm telling david and he's cracking the fuck up because this black dude is losing his shit because he's like i don't understand how

black people have heard this song had it he's like how y'all know all the words not even the fact that y'all hurt he's like how y'all know all the words i never and i was like dude this song's like 20 years old he's like i don't know what you're talking about i don't know he's having a black he's having a black mirror moment where he's like how does everybody but me know this song basically he's like why he's like why would black people know this song i was like i think because we all grew up in the suburbs i think it's why all of us know this song but he was going fucking through it but to be somewhere where it's like 300 fucking black people jumping up and down and you're just sitting there going i wasn't the only one

we were all very excited to be around other black people who knew the fucking song so when they played it it was like everybody went yo and then you saw each other going wait a minute you know this song you know this song are we about to turn up? So they had just been playing Lil Jon and then they shifted and played that. This song speaks. And the reaction that they got to that song was just as big as the reaction they got to playing Lil Jon. That's a pro

DJ, by the way. For all of them. That's a pro DJ. That man was confident. He was like, I'm gonna do it. I bet he woke up thinking about it that day it because there were definitely black people in the room who weren't happy about that decision but there were way more black people in the room who were happy about it but were you gonna say ian that speaks to what i just think it speaks to david's theory that like you just want to sometimes fucking lose control

you just don't want to you don't want to be coordinated yeah that song is like there's no right way to dance to that song you just gotta fucking like you just jump up and down and put your arms up until you're done we just jump up and down and then we get to the chorus and we the music changes and you stop and then you're and you're back jumping up and down so it's it's a i mean also it's a great fucking song oh it's so good what a great pick that's a fucking pro but yeah i was telling thank you he i was telling him the story and he fucking loved it and he was like that's amazing to hear that i was like yeah he was like so nice he's the sweetest man um but yeah i was at a covid safe thing and saw him

um but it was just cool one is just to see that many black people enjoying that song also made me feel good because it was like oh i'm not the only one that grew yeah the song just bangs though because afterwards because the dude was like because then it's because the guy who was like the question me about it then he was just like okay so what's the name of the song though because it did go hard though it did go hard it's amazing he was like the shit, this shit did go hard. I'm not gonna lie. This shit did go hard. So just tell me. Sean, time for your second pick. Old Dirty Bastard,

Shimmy Shimmy Ya. That's a great, yeah, as soon as I hear it, ding, ding, ding, ding, yeah. Yeah, gets everybody up. Everybody's stoked.

Okay, I just don't remember it. How does it go? Yes, you do. Shimmy Shimmy Ya, Shimmy Yam Shimmy Ya. Give me the mic so I can take it away. Okay, I know what that is.

Off on a lyrical chalkboard voyage. Yeah, from the home of the God, the Brooklyn Squad. Did the ghost of old Dirty Baxter just pull that poster off the wall? I think so, because I was doing him dirty. He was like, no! I was hoping nobody... Poster down! Stop rapping, my shit.

Sean, you ain't ringing no bells, you ain't busting no grapes, and you aren't imitating ODB on this fucking podcast. I'll tell you that for free. Yeah, it's just a good... All these songs, like, for a party to get bucked specifically, like, it's got to have a good, like, right away your ears got to hear that one thing that lets you know it's that song, and then you're like, oh shit, I'm going to get bucked.

That's one of the things that, like, many of these songs we've taken so far have in common, like, Knock If few bucks, Tipsy, this one, Hot in Her for sure, Smells Like Teen Spirit. They have a short runway where ears perk up and they're like, and then it kicks in. It's all like set your drink down songs. Yeah, you need a runway. You need to be able's all like set your drink down songs. Yeah, you need a runway. Oh, shit. You need to be able to run, put your drink down. You need to run in from the kitchen.

You need to be able to get somewhere with other people. Yeah. And the dope house party that I'm thinking of is I'm thinking the basement is probably unfinished. We can get shit all over the floor. That's where people are dancing. So when you hear that song, it's probably coming from the basement, but everywhere through the house. If you hear it somewhere,

you're like, oh shit, I gotta go. You run inside or whatever, and then you just get down to the shitty basement and start dancing. Lord, I can't wait. And enjoy yourself. Oh my god. I know, dude. I'm gonna get... Ian's gonna un-finish his basement just so he can... I'm gonna un-finish it. I'm gonna dig a basement

I'm gonna I'm gonna Unfinish it I have a big backyard I can't fucking wait That would be the ultimate House party Hey everybody

I unfinished my basement For a party I ripped the carpet up I'm gonna have a party I ripped up those carpet I took all the paneling down And now we're just In a fucking hole

In the ground There's now exposed There's exposed Like Pink Panther Fucking like Insulation now everywhere. You will get fiberglass in your lungs. Yeah, man.

Shimmy, shimmy, yeah. It's a good get it buck, get it going song. I learned how to play it on piano for the tour. And when we did Chicago, we had that piano on stage. And that's how I opened our live show. Oh, I forgot about that. And what a show it was. Yeah, what a show it was.

That was the one where david ordered nothing on his hot dogs goddamn hot dogs he ordered nothing on his hot dogs and my chair fell through a hole in the stage and i thought i broke the chair in front of everyone oh that's i forgot about that yeah don't say there was a hole there was like a narrow like between two planks it's like a crack where the stage goes together. And like the leg of my chair slid into it mid show and I like having broken chairs before in my life as a Zoftig gentleman

I thought I broke a chair in front of like a hundred people at the sold out show we were doing and then I got up and I like looked at the chair and I pulled it up and the leg came up out of the hole and I was like oh thank god thank god. Thank God. It didn't change the amount I weighed,

but it felt like it changed the amount I weighed. I held it up like Simba at the beginning of The Lion King. It was like... I saw you the other day looking real nice. That's why your girl's up here drinking a smoothie, trying to make sure I keep my neck in this... I was going to ask what that was, but I didn't want to. It's a smoothie

because I got me a nutritionist. Your girl's on a meal plan. Nice. Because I'm trying to get my eggs frozen. So, you know, just got a lot of things that I'm doing. I like mine hard-boiled. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. I want to be able to have children in the future. We might as well make the best of this

weird time. Right. It's either that or depression. And, you know, because everyone was telling me, like, with the whole lockdown, they're like, I gained 20 pounds. I gained 30 pounds. I was like, no, I'm not coming out this with no neck. I'm not doing it. I'm not coming out this with this.

Exactly. Exactly. I want to shock people want to fucking i want to shock i want to like shock people at stand-up shows yeah but i guess yeah i do think it's crazy like all the people it's like oh my god i'm getting like so much weight i'm just like good good yeah good keep doing it because i don't just make the contrast even more get over here nature's healing itself yeah everybody have an on their clothes yeah welcome to obesity motherfucker obesity, motherfucker. Let's go. Let's see what changes in society when everybody's big. Come on.

Come on. You can go to the gym for six months. Hmm. Hmm. Get those bingo wings. The bingo wings going. Yeah, get your bingo wings going, you know. Mm-hmm.

Come on, baby. You was worried about it? Oh, you should have thought about that before you had cheese fries every day. That's right. If I can put you spending $15,000 on Postmates every month. David, time for your second and third picks. Okay, second pick. Man, this is just, for me in my heart, every time I hear this song indoors,

I don't mean to take another song with the word swag in it, but I'm taking Turn My Swag On. As a Soulja Boy lover. Pop up out the beach. Turn my swag on. What a fun song. It's so much fun. Especially when it says, a lot of y'all thought I was coming back. Oh, man, that song is great.

I'm getting money. We want to go to a house party so much. Can we just have a house party? Just the four of us? And it's like, it's not even like a song where you're going to want to dance to a stranger with a stranger, but it's like, oh, a bunch of my friends are here and we're all going to sing this song and dance.

It's like, turn my swag on. Like, there's all these long runs where you just like, you can just have your arms in the air just yelling. That's the thing, just getting rid of Like, there's all these long runs where you just, like, you can just have your arms in the air just yelling. I get money. That's the thing, just getting rid of energy. That's, like, these songs just make me want to get energy out, you know? Putting it out and taking it back in.

That's what a fucking house party dance floor is. It's the free exchange of energy between people who are stoked. That's, like, the best thing about it. Yeah. So that's my second pick. My third pick. Beyonce quote, like like look at the mirror what's up it's the what's up what's up what's up yeah a lot of people don't like listen I know he's

a joke but I love Soulja Boy man I fucking listen when they were doing um when Soulja Boy had the Superman song I remember being in the car was me, my mom, and my brother coming back from dinner. The Soulja Boy song came on. I pulled into a post office. Me and my brother jumped out the car and started doing the dance just because it came on the radio. It was, he had some, man, I'm not going to, listen, this isn't like a Soulja Boy defense podcast. But I just. That one is coming though. Look out for that.

It's cooking. I love Big love big soldier he's hilarious and turn my smack it's just like a perfect song it's a perfect song and my what part just one lyric is just uh you're like i support it he's just he's just I love it. I love it. Tell me why they hating on me. Tell me why they hating on me. It's amazing. Excellent. My next pick, same thing where it's just like, it's not necessarily the best dance song, but just like when it comes on and I'm around people I know, and I never listened to it by myself really, is All of the Lights. Oh, yeah. That's a good

ass, yeah. Because it like, it builds up so big, and then it's, yeah, I just love that song. All of the lights, all of the lights. I'm trying to tell your body all I can say. That's Elton John. The Elton John part. Everybody, isn't everybody on that song?

Everybody's on that song. That's all Elton John does. That's Elton John. Wait, Elton John where? What? In all of the lights. That part I just sang. I tried to tell you.

So you put them on the sample. Whoa, whoa. Oh, that's a sample. No. Have you not seen the end of the video where they list everybody who's on that song it's like 40 billion people it's like a it's a ton of people on that song right it's like the original woo it's like the all the guys that were originally in wu-tang where it's like 45 000 people yeah there's a bunch of people who only have like one line on that song what yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah all of the lights eltonton John. Is this what I'm, what? Yeah, yeah. I tried to tell you, but all I could say, yeah. Whoa, whoa, yeah. Kid Cudi's on it for seven words. All of the Lights, Elton, I don't. Fergie's on it. Everybody's on it.

Drake's on it. Alicia Keys is doing the whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then it's Elton John. I tried to tell you about all I could say. John Legend, The Dream, Ellie Jackson, Alicia Keys, Fergie, Elton John, Drake, Kid Cudi. It's like the expendables of pop music. Yeah, it is. What the fuck?

Yeah. So that song, man. Huh. Every time. Every fucking time. It's so good. What? Those drums. Yeah. every fucking time it's so good what? those drums

I love Rihanna singing I love Rihanna singing vague things about my life if you wanted you could get it for the rest of your life I'm like I can I could get it forever that's how it makes me feel maybe me and Rihanna

are getting different things but I can still get the thing I'm getting for the rest of my life I can still get it forever David are you getting this silver for the rest of your life I thought about it I remember David talk about getting into silver and being in international waters I

yo I am in a diverse group of things to make me runny right now is all I'm going to say. Wait a minute. Did I tell you I bought a grill? What? Oh, this is great. Where is it?

I'm really excited about it. Someone who's tried to make this move myself a few times. Have you thought about that move? I fucking think about it every day are you kidding me no i why haven't you done it do it how do you think we're gonna roll into your wedding dude yeah i'm gonna have i'm gonna have bottoms for your wedding for sure okay i forget how big my boobs are sometimes um it's been there i've been there so yeah i bought holy shit it's got the drip diamonds in between each so uh matt richards knows a guy who knows a guy man i gotta do it that's amazing i gotta pull the trigger you should do this guy who made him and then he got killed oh that's right didn't he know Paul Waller was in Houston

or something like that or what was this this guy from Houston I didn't mean to laugh but the sentence was crazy he was like I know a guy who used to do it and then he got killed and you're like wait what Mo Ammer was trying to hit me up he was like yo if you want a grill I know Paul Waller and I was like I've seen Paul Waller's grills

that's like that's the super bowl i want pop warning girls exactly now you're paying for the name and everything that's like two i don't want like i don't want to spend like a hundred thousand dollars you know what i mean yeah i want to be able to get it for the rest of my life not just right now you know right man on. You know that feeling is so good. Yes. Whoa, whoa. I tried to tell y'all. Sean, that's such a great pick, David.

That's fucking hilarious. Thank you. That's like a middle of the house party, and it's like, you just need that little wind. You need some wind in your sails. You bump it back up. You bump it back up. You bump it back up. Turn off the lights in here, baby. Sean, time for your third pick, dude.

I'm going to go for a song that I just like to hear at a house party. It doesn't necessarily pop the dance floor. It could, but it's just something that I like to hear. I feel like it opens everyone's vibes up and it gets you in an amazing mood. Me, anyways. It gets me in an amazing mood. Gotta Give It Up by Marvin amazing mood. Me, anyways. It gets me in an amazing mood. Gotta Give It Up by Marvin Gaye.

Oh, yeah. Oh. How's that go? I can't remember. I used to go into parties and just hang around because I was too nervous to just get down.

It's the one that sounds like it's recorded at a party. There's like people talking in the beginning, like, where they're like, Hey man, how'd you get here? I took a cab. Oh, okay, cool. You know, like in the background. And it's the one that they thought blurred lines ripped off. Isn't that the song that would be like in a Tarantino movie or like a movie from the 70s? Something like that?

It's in Boogie Nights. They do like a steadicam shot to the crib. And that's playing like into the pool party scene. That's a Marvin Gaye song? I've heard that song my whole life and never know who did it. Also, I've never heard that song with black people. Yeah, you probably would have had to been around in the 70s to hear that with black people. It's very much been taken by our people. It's a movie song. It's a movie song.

It's a movie song for sure. I hope his estate is getting bred because I swear it's in movies all the time. I bet they are. It is. It's perfect for it. The first Bridgetown that I ever did, which is the first comedy festival I ever did, I was by myself. I didn't know Ian yet or anyone. I didn't know anyone in Portland.

And I just walked around the shows listening to that. And I was just in such a good mood thinking about how lucky I was and all that stuff. You can't help it because it makes your feet do a thing. Like you're doing like a movie stunt. Like I was in a fucking commercial or something. Just like, hey. Like you're selling cell phones or fucking like, you know, energy drinks or some shit. I stopped.

I stopped. So I was walking on Hawthorne and I stopped outside this barbershop. I don't know if I'm like too vocal with this story. I was smoking a grape swisher and I stopped by a barbershop. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No weed in it. No weed in it.

What? No weed in it. So I was smoking a grape swisher and I stopped at this barbershop. Jesus Christ. And these dudes were playing dominoes. And I just stood there looking in. And I got way too close to the door.

And this guy comes up. He's like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, oh, shit. And then this guy playing bones. He's like, he's all right. Let him in. And I came in. Still had the swisher in my hand.

And we just talked for like 20 minutes. I sat down. I didn't get to play any dominoes. But I was like, this is dope. Thank you so much. And then I just kept walking. And I was listening to that song. You were in a good mood.

I was feeling way too peppy. They just saw a lost puppy out in the field. He was just like, what are you guys? You guys good? That's exactly. That's why the puppy was like, he's a fuck. Let him in. He's fine.

100%. One of them. Yeah, they were just like, it's. He's smoking this swisher with tobacco this guy could be anybody my mom did i saw my mom like a couple like i was hanging out like i was home and me and my we my brother were standing outside smoking a cigarette my mom i was like what are you doing she's like i smoke in a grape swisher and she's like i was like but i thought you quit smoking she's like i'm not inhaling she's like i just smoke in a grape swisher. And she's like, but I thought you quit smoking. She's like, I'm not inhaling.

She's like, I just like the grape. And so she kept like, and I was like, me and my brother going, that's not for smoking. That's for weed. I said, what do you mean? I'm like, mama, nobody smokes those. That tobacco's made to go on the ground. It's for tobacco for sure. It's for tobacco. I tried those because I had stopped smoking.

And then eventually I just started smoking those. Because you do that. You tried those because I had stopped smoking. And then eventually, I just started smoking those. Because you do that. You're like, I'm not going to inhale. And then you have a couple. And you're like, oh, what's the worst? And then you inhale it. Yes, exactly. And then you inhale it.

And you're like, oh. But then you get used to that. Black and mild is just sometimes it would make me lose my voice. So I had to quit fucking with it. Yeah, because it's the devil. Black and mild are amazing. How dare you? You can't just be smoking black and milds forever everybody you know that you can do it for like two years i think i have a pack of black and miles in my room that i probably bought like four years ago yeah every

time i've ever finished a pack of black and milds i've been like you gotta get your life together i have thought that whenever i fit whenever i... When I started... Like, when the day I bought a pack of Black and Milds, I was like, what are you doing? It's a problem if you're buying a pack. I bet I've asked you for one at some point, or vice versa, like, at an after party. I'm like, hey, you got another Black and Mild? It's like, yo, it's crazy shit to be smoking all the time.

I had a friend, my friend Marcel, he used to smoke the wine ones. Oh, the wine ones were great. I was like, surely. Those are so gnarly. Surely you will die. Surely you will die. The jazz ones are worse than the fucking wine ones.

Yeah, because that's not even a flavor. I was like, jazz? What does that taste like? What are we talking about? You know what it tastes like. It tastes like Calypso. It tastes like dying from heroin in your 30s. That's probably what it tastes like it tastes like calypso it's like dying from heroin in your 30s that's probably what it tastes like just melt down brass instruments like what the fuck is going on

in here the whole shit coats your throat black and milds i love them but you cannot be smoking and then if you couldn't freak them right then the shit would take forever like i remember being at somebody's apartment in college 19 spending way too long trying to freak a black amount. I don't have the skills for this. It was a lot, but I love it. Gotta give it up, Marvin Gaye. Excellent. Gotta give up the black amounts.

Haven't smoked one in a long time because I make TV money. So I had to let it go. I'm not drinking 40s either. Dulce, time to find out if your next pick is money. How's that? You were talking about the songs that make you put

your drink down, right? And the song that makes me put my drink down, I can't believe we haven't picked it earlier, is Back That Ass Up. Oh, man. You got it on your shirt, David. I didn't even think about it. David's wearing a juvenile shirt. David. I didn't even think about it. David's wearing a juvenile shirt. Fuck.

I didn't even think about it. That is such a good pick. As soon as he says it, Cash Money Records taking over for the 990 in 2000. Throw your record with the man shit. Oh, I get so excited. And just to let you a fun thing, fun fact about my mom a couple years ago. Remember when you had to buy ringtones? So my mom a couple years ago um remember when you have to like buy ringtones so my mom worked for at&t and the ringtone she put on my phone for her when she

called was back that ass up my mother's she loves juvenile she's very miami um because that's where she grew up because we're from miami she's very by abby's uh it was put back. And the guy I was dating at the time was just like, why would your mother put that? I was like, you're asking too many questions. You just got to. All you got to know about that song is throw it in a circle. Throw it in a circle. Oh, yeah. After you back it up, then stop.

Then what? What? What? What? Drop it like it's hot. Thank you so much. Man. God bless it.

God bless it. Every time. There's been times at parties where that song has come on and people have come to find me. I've been outside smoking and somebody's been like, Dulce, bang that ass up. I was like, fuck this cigarette. And I'm running inside. Fuck this black and mild. Right.

It does everything it's supposed to. I love the video because the video is just like regular people. Yes, they're just at a basketball court. Juvenile is pretty good about that. Juvenile had a lot of regular people in the video. They weren't paying anybody. They were probably paying bitches in cell phones and two-way pagers. Worth it.

And non-designer bags. Just like bags. It was a Saturday morning in New Orleans anyway. What were you doing? Yeah. If you're in a juvenile video for perpetuity, but yes. Hanging out by this Ferrari that juvenile rented for the video.

That's what I'm doing. Right, but it's, there's so many, that's one of those songs where I've literally, it's so funny that people have come to get me or I've gone to get other people. It's like, they're playing back that ass up. Oh, shit, I gotta get my homegirl.

And you're like, Malika, they're playing back that ass. She's like, I'm coming. So it's like, or people going into, like, just a bath. Like, I've been places where, like, people have burst into a bathroom. They're playing back that ass up. You're like, oh, shit, let me get out of here. So it's like a party starter. But it's also like if shit's hitting a lull,

you're like, play back that ass up. We'll fix this. I've been at a party with you where, not that song, but another song that I'm not going to say out loud came on and everybody got you. And then it was a time. Wait, where was this?

I don't remember. I think it was at my house, but it was, I'll say it after because I don't want to say this. Okay, okay, okay. Hopefully it could be a pick. Okay, but yeah. Back that ass up. Time for my third pick.

With my third pick, I'm going to take No Diggity by Blackstreet featuring Dr. Dre. Damn it. The woman who was on that song. That's my bad. Fucking MC Lyte? No, Lil' Kim's on that song. Is it Lil bad. Fucking MC Light. No, Lil' Kim's on that song. Is it Lil' Kim? No, it's not Lil' Kim.

It's not Lil' Kim? No, it's somebody who I haven't. I don't think so. No diggity remix? Oh, Queenpin. It's MC Light, isn't it? Queenpin. Is it really?

I'll be sending the car, I would say, around 3.30, right? Queenpin. Yeah, it's not MC Light. You keep saying Queenpin. It's not MC Light. You keep saying Queen Pin. Maybe that's her name. No, I remember a chick named... It is Queen Pin. It is Queen Pin.

Okay, that's her name. Yeah, no diggity. It's just... So it has that runway, you know, with the like... at the beginning of it. Oh, absolutely. And then, I think one thing I'm really glad we got out of like in the late 90s and early 2000s is people just having a fucking full on Gettysburg address before the song starts.

Nigga, shut up. Yeah, that shit did kill me. Yeah, get to it. Fucking get to it. Fucking Declaration of Independence. Be quiet. Play the of Independence. Be quiet. Play the damn song. Good God.

Do you remember in the video they had that little penny puppet? Yeah. Yeah, they had the little puppet. Yeah, little penny. Yeah, that song's great. Teddy Riley, man. Dude knows his way around some music. You know who loves Blackstreet to this day?

Sarah Boreyori my mom loves black bro that whole album so much like in the car on the way to school black really yeah love it with the old like the the disc man that you had to put in the tape thing yeah you had to put the tape adapter into the shit yeah oh yeah how i i have no idea how those work still that's fucking amazing nobody does it was magic it was some kind of crazy magic that seems like further ahead technology than we have now yeah just a few years ago i'd be looking at it in the miracle whip like i don't know how it's gonna work but i'm an adult because there was no tape running through it i mean obviously i had to hit the head or something yeah but it's like okay sure and now it's like so the music from this cd player

is gone listen guys this is this isn't the crew that's gonna get to the bottom of this no that's a good point what i loved about no diggity i was a theater major yeah yeah and i took i was a poli sci major but I took a lot of theater classes. A lot. Come on, baby. I always felt like I could kind of sing, not like Teddy Riley, but I could do a good enough for Drunk at a House party. Here's what I mean to say. It's fun to sing like him. That like, shout again.

You know, with that like, like a 1930s gangster voice a little bit like, like, good Lord. Like that kind of thing. He does sing like an uncle. Yeah. Like, if you ever wanted to know what black uncles sound like, like, just it's him, like him, Charlie Wilson, like this very specific genre. You're later, Nate Dogg, R. You're later, Nate Dogg. R.I.P. Nate Dogg. So it's like, it's definitely, it's a very specific sound.

They're just like, oh, he's either singing or you're in trouble. Like, you know, oh, you didn't cut this grass. Oh, where's your mama at? Because that's his sister. So it's a very specific kind of sound that he has going. But yeah, I guess that would be fun at a party. It's fun. Also, it's like a real simple beat.

You know what I mean? It's not complicated. Yeah, there's not a lot going on. You don't do it with your body. No, that's what I like. That's what I like. I like it nice and easy. And then on the end, they tell you to play on, playa.

You know? Yeah. Which is the encouragement you need for the rest of the house party. And they say it a lot. Play on, play on, playa. You know? Which is the encouragement you need for the rest of the house party. And they say it a lot. Play on, play on, play on, play on. Isn't that what they're doing? They're inspiring the kids. I will. With your permission,

I will play on. Thank you. No, if you want it, you can get it for the rest of your life. That's exactly, yeah. So keep playing. What are you doing here? It's the same thing. It's the same thing. Time for my fourth pick. With my fourth pick, I'm going to stay in the Dr. Dre-niverse. I'm going to take California by Tupac and Dr. Dre.

Oh, California Love. California Love, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Again, another one of those songs where you're just like, because it just starts off with California Love. California Love, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's that, again, another one of those songs where you're just like, because it just starts off with California Love. So you immediately, you know exactly what's happening. I think my mom really liked that song. It was either that, my mom, I think my mom, that's it.

It was, because I had this single tape where it was like, California Love, and then it was another two. Yeah, I think California Love was it. It might have been Ambitions as a Ride. It would have been the other one. That was the B-side? That was the first song on the other side of that album, I think. Yeah.

Oh, my mom fucked with California Love so bad. She had a tape single. The video was incredible, too. The Mad Max shit. Yeah. Thunderdome. Oh, man. I like the old California Love.

I like the original. Is it Zapp and Roger or Roger Troutman? Yeah. Yeah, man. I like the old California love. I like the original. Is it Zapp and Roger or Roger Troutman? Yeah, Zapp and Roger. Yeah. In the city of good old Watts. Yes. The first, oh, man, I remember that Zapp and Roger shit. The original does bang.

The original definitely fucking bangs. It was all these cities that I didn't know about Now at the end I'm like Pasadena He mentioned Pasadena? Yeah he says Pasadena Apparently there's some parts of Pasadena Where like

That are with it I guess I don't know that's what I've heard You know how far you'd have to commute To fucking be from Pasadena And go at it with niggas in Compton? You know how long that would take? That's where they found Back to the Future, you know? Here's what Pasadena is.

I bought my bike near the garden I have a membership to in Pasadena yesterday. You have a membership to a garden? The Huntington Library. It's amazing. Yeah, you got to go next time you're in L.A. They have like a british garden a japanese garden a chinese garden uh i mean it's beautiful i think that's what jerry was talking about it's gorgeous yeah like that's why that's the other reason i like staying out on like that

part of la because like when you're on like like if staying over on the east side because i used to live in highland park i used to live around the corner from bory and uh yeah so when you're out there it's like, this is really pretty. And like, because like my friend stayed at Eagle Rock. And you could see like the observatory from her house. Yeah. So, but like, because then when you get like the other sides of LA, you're like, why does it look, it just looks hot. I don't know why anyone lives in Hollywood or like that area or even West Hollywood, really.

It's not, like, It's not the best looking. No. No, it's drab. It looks ugly. Yeah, and I'm just like, but anytime you're going through L.A., like especially Hollywood, you're just like, so every other street is a shopping center. Yes. This is what we're saying. I hate that.

There's no neighborhood feel to it. Every other street's a shopping center. They all have gates around them. I guess people are just stealing these fucking cell phones and donuts. All that being said, I still have California love. Oh, I love. Absolutely. I would.

Come on, Bori. I would live in Hollywood over living in Astoria a thousand fucking times. Like, truly. It's snowing right now. I am not a fan. I just can't. I'm done. But California Love is a banger, though.

As someone who grew up in Portland, Oregon and started going to house parties in the very same city, there weren't a lot of songs that celebrated Portland or Oregon. In fact, there were none. So we had to take whatever... We had to grab onto whatever west

coast energy we could so it was like california grunge bands in the 90s couldn't come up with the song about how much they love portland we would have loved it but they never did the same thing though it's not the same energy no it's not the same as a rap song you're right yeah i'm an ominous or amine now i've always butchered his name because I've gotten in my own head about it. It's like a Portland rapper who like shouts out Portland. Yeah, his last album was incredible. So good. I don't know what you're talking about.

But we didn't have anything like that. We didn't have any music like that. So like California Lovin' was like, it's the West Coast. It's good enough for us. We'll throw that on it. Oh, West Side was for everybody. Yeah. Yeah, West Coast was the best coast.

The best part, the furthest part about the East Coast, West Side was for everybody. Yeah, West Coast was the best coast. The best part, the funnest part about the East Coast, West Coast rivalry, as someone who lives in the South, which is a totally different genre, you're just kind of sitting there going, man, this is going to be a problem. You're just watching a fucking ping pong match. I can imagine anybody in the Midwest going, I don't know what we're supposed to do. Like, what were they doing in Colorado, boy? It was hard. You just wanted anything?

I was in Washington, and it was hard because Biggie, you know, he looked like me. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. So I was always. Just being fat. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I was always real pro-Biggie because just, like, he got to, man.

I never got into Biggie. I was very much a tupac west coast because the thing is because i was in a biggie now well the thing about that up north rap music is that you couldn't really dance to it and i'm from the it so i'm accustomed to being with music i need music i can shake too so i can't shake to wu-tang because like i was thinking that's true well wu-tang yeah there's some biggie songs but wu-tang no way there's a few biggie songs, but at the end of the day, you're just like, you're not shaking. It was also like, Uncle Luke came out when I was a kid. So it's Uncle Luke, Uncle Al, Doo-Doo Brown, all of these cats.

That is an amazing. I never thought about, because I didn't listen to Luke until I was like, because I'm from the West. I didn't listen to Luke until I was older. That's amazing. I never thought about kids listening to Luke. Yeah, because in Miami, it came on all the time. So when we moved back to Miami, I was like nine. So Luke was on the radio.

My mama used to make clothes for one of his dancers. I think one of his dancers was a baby mama. So my mama had a clothing business. She used to make clothes for one of his kids. Wow. Because she was a model. So she was had a clothing business she used to make clothes for one of his kids because she was a model so she was like a little you know model or whatever so we're just luke is on the radio luke is at all the family parties and everything and so you nine and so you're just like okay we shaking we shaking that's what we doing so people talk about twerking all this other shit i'm like bitch i've been doing this since i had it before my age was double digits it shows thank you so much Bori

you just want to be the ass shaking you want to see in the world I appreciate it wrecks the effects you want to see in the world time for your fourth pick by the by okay I'm going to have to say a song that always

gets me very excited for no reason I don't know if it's gonna affect everybody but uh Wipe Me Down oh man come on

it's the best song it's the best song you made the first line of the song is I pull up at the club VIP gas tank

on E but all drinks on me Wipe Me Down I don't know what we're doing. Man, that's fucking song. God damn it. I don't know that song.

I don't know it either. Oh, you don't know who sings that song? Sean, you motherfucker. You don't know that song, Sean? Listen, David, I can like an artist, David, and it can fit a particular draft, and I might not know every song in the catalog. So you don't know why?

David's mad at me because I picked Boosie in a draft. Wait, Sean, don't you love Boosie? I picked Boosie in a draft because it's on the Lils and Youngs. It was on the list. So you only picked him just because he was a little young or what is it? Little young? What was the other one? It was a little young. Yeah, a little young.

He fell into greatness that day. I was running out. I didn't have a lot. I didn't have a giant well on that one. So he was one that I had to go with. That is a song I'm going to text you, Sean, because it's his best song. Yes.

Also, I miss Webby. Don't know what happened to him. What did happen? Wop, wop, get loose. Man, I miss that guy. I think there was an album. He said, Mr. Wiped Out, you heard me on Fox-a-million. And that's just a fun word.

But there was also instructions to the song because it was like when you're wiping down. It's kind of like the dust your shoulders off thing. But they're saying, yeah, but it was shoulders, chest, pants, shoes. So it was a whole thing. So it was like shoulders, chest, pants, shoes. It's like you're wiping everything down because you're so fucking clean like man wait now stop it stop it stop it so it's just fun to be out and just see a bunch of adults try to be like all right shoulders chest pants shoot like how

am i lifting my leg am i not lifting my leg because i would know how like are we out like oh this dude's drunk as fuck he's not lifting his leg up but it was like a lot of you know it's the whole just the movement of it because it it was like one of those line dances without being one of the line dances sure oh yeah it's like that chorus goes so hard it's almost annoying because i'm home wipe me down wipe me down wipe me down because i'm on wipe me down. Because I'm on. Wipe me down. Because it's like, I look at the chorus, it is just, because I'm on is one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight times. No, they say it a lot of times. And then it's shoulders, chest, pants, shoes is four times. And then they go back into the verse.

I don't think, I'm one of those guys, I don't think you need that many words to make a good song. You know what? You really don't. I think I i can hit it i think i can make a hit with yeah 30 to 50 words 30 40 words because i think the beginning of the uh third verse starts with hot drop drop top top drop hose drop it like it's hot and i never knew what the fuck i knew i was like drop drop and i was like okay so that's fun hot drop hot toes drop like that's funny but he got his point across oh we definitely knew what the campaign was man god bless god bless little boozy he's in a wheelchair right now he's coming back though wait boozy's in a wheelchair yeah they shot him a couple couple months ago hold up wait a minute i uh and i didn't mean that in a rap way i definitely

i guess now i know why they started putting that in rap songs and somebody was legitimately like hold up wait a minute he was shot in the leg in dallas in november yeah i told you he's in a wheelchair right now. After rolling through town in what we're told was a sprinter van near a strip mall called Big T's Plaza. There have been a lot of rappers getting... Yo, they were chasing... A couple

years ago in Atlanta, these motherfuckers were chasing Lil Wayne down the freeway. And he was like one of those Mercedes sprinter vans. And they was just fucking spraying. And nobody got hit, thank God. That happened to Migos that summer, too. Yeah, like people just love fucking days after M03 killing. Yeah, he got killed, too.

There's been a lot of rappers dead. We got to run these picks, though. Wipe me down, Sean. It's time for your fourth pick. I'm going this actually gets a house party real for your fourth pick. I'm going, this actually gets a house party real buck for me, and I'm going to go Slam by Onyx. I'm a big fan of Slam. I'm a big fan

of going nuts in the basement when Slam is playing. Let the boys be boys. Oh, okay, that's what it is. Go ahead and get a little pushy song. Who's playing that now, though? I will. Yo, that song is aggressive. If that song plays while I'm out, I'm going outside. Like, if I hear that, I was like, okay, there's a lot of people over 40 at this party.

Let me go step outside. 39, 39. Yeah, last two picks are going to be for me. So, yeah. Anyway, slam, Onyx. Oh, listen, my number four is a weird pick. Nobody's going to see it coming. What do we got?

Gimme, gimme, gimme. My number four, and maybe this is because I just watched this the other day, and I was thinking about her. Man, I am going, this is crazy. I'm going, oops, I did it again. Oh, that's fine. I had a couple Britney songs on the list. I don't even, like, I't even know her whole catalog or anything.

Something about that song gets me, man. Because it's like, oh, this is stupid, but everyone's still dancing to it. Yeah, it's one of those songs where you're like, I don't like this. It's stupid. Get it again. Think I'm in love.

Yeah, I love this. You're lost in the game. Oh, baby, baby. Also, you guys should watch that thing about her conservative i'm gonna watch that it's on hulu right i just saw it last night it's very sad it's very sad it's very sad it's very sad but yeah oops i did it again always like gets me going it's like exactly that where you're like i don't like this song and the next thing you know you're like i love this song it's done you're like, I don't like this song. And the next thing you know, you're like, I love this song. It's done.

You're like, I had a good time. You know which part? Oops, I did it again. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. It is so good. It is so good.

David Borey, have you heard this song? David Borey, David Borey. Have you heard the song? David Borey, David Borey. Have you heard the song with Britney Spears and the Yin Yang Twins? What? No. You don't know about this? No, I don't know about this. So it's on the side.

Don't remember the name of the album, but it's the same because it came out my junior year. Because it's a song with Britney Spears and the Yin Yang Twins. I think it was the same album it came out my junior year of because it's a song with britney spears and the yin yang twins i think it was the same album that toxic was on um but yeah it's uh it's called i got that boom it's called i got that boom if i saw them together i would go nuts yeah the album came out in 2003 the The album's called In The Zone. But I'm going to send it to you because I remember because a girl, because I was living in a sorority house at the time, and a sorority when I wasn't in, don't worry about it.

And that's the point. And so my friend Jenna had, like, bought the album, and she was like, you're not, like, she came downstairs, and she was like, there's a song with little song with Britney Spears and the Ying Yang Twins. And I went, uh-uh. That didn't happen. No one let that happen. I love it.

I love it. Who let that happen? When did it come out? Which Britney was it? It was on her in the zone. I just put the link in the chat. Oh, you just said it. That's right.

Can I say, by the way, because you said Ying Yang Yang Twins, I wasn't going to do it. But for my fifth round lightning pick, I'm picking Aye Aye Aye. Aye Aye Aye. Okay. So you've seen the video for that song, right? Were they at the go-kart track? Yes. So that go-kart track was 10 minutes from my house in Atlanta.

Oh, man. It's called Malibu Grand Prix. So I think they just rented it out for us. Yeah. So they filmed it at the Malibu Grand Prix that was like maybe 10 minutes from my house. Because when the video came out, everybody in our neighborhood was like,

these niggas was up the street. Like... Yo, that song, it makes me so happy. It was either I was going to pick that one or the other one that they have. It's like the same kind of thing. But just like that. Yeah, that song is so much fun. That song is so fun.

Oh, my God. But the music is also like motivating you. It's like boom, boom. So, yeah, I fucking love that song. I hope the Ying Yangs ones are doing well. They're probably not. But I hope they're doing well. One of them's not.

Don't do that. I did a show with them like two years ago. I'm basing this on David's story. That's not because of what I assumed about them. It wasn't. The little one is not happy. Oh, no. It was like a whole bottle of tequila, right?

Like before the show. He slammed like half of it before the show even started. And then he slammed the rest of it during the show and then he had to leave oh jesus he was too drunk and then the skinny one had to like finish the show it was not a it was not the best day they had nothing to be ashamed of they fucking put some they had fucking hits those songs are amazing i think they were bummed out that they were following a comedy show on 420 in Denver. It was not. It was a weird scene.

They deserve better than that. They had the funniest cribs of all time. That clearly wasn't their house. We like sailboats, so we got this room. Yeah, that room had sailboats in it. Come on. So every room they went to was also a surprise? It was like a stock house that they put you in to sell the rest of the homes in the neighborhood.

Everything was just so generic. And they were like, yeah, this is my sailboat. They were definitely living. They probably didn't have a house because they were probably on the road immediately or something like that where they were living in two different apartments. And the label was probably like, hey, we can put you on cribs. And they're like, all right, but what are we going to show? And they're like, all right, we'll get you a house. And it was like two of the rooms you believe the Ying Yang twins had been in before.

And the rest of them were just like, no, this looks like a beach house. What are you talking about i'm always interested at the decor at beach houses because when you're at a beach house it's so much beach shit in the house and i'm like why is this house trying to prove to me that it's by the beach i know where you are like i don't like it makes more sense to have all these seashells and i house. Yeah. Like, remember the beach? And you're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but beach houses are always like, hey, water. I got...

Listen, you at the beach. You get it. It's very... It's always a very aggressive push. You're like, bitch, I know where I'm... I'm on vacation. There's a sign in there that says vacation. I'm like, what are we doing?

Is this soap good? No, but it's shaped like a fucking starfish you're like oh okay it's gonna it's gonna dry your skin out yeah it's the worst fucking soap too it's so many and it only comes in pastel colors it's the worst all pastel hand towels so thin it feels like just a layer of sand off the beach and then with a huge embroidered conch on it or some shit like that i'm like i can't this doesn't get me dry and the soap is drying on my hands yeah there's sand everywhere there's sand everywhere it's almost like at a beach house it's like they assume that you're the ocean is gonna make you clean so they don't have good you know what i'm saying like so they don't have good cleaning supplies. They're like, oh, you'll just be clean from the ocean.

It is a different, but the thing is the ocean's weird because it makes you clean and then you're just covered in salt. As a kid, I remember going to the beach and I just remember going, just licking my arm, being like, salty. I love a post-beach feel. That's my favorite way to feel i think it's funny because like my friends are like i love beach hair and i was like bitch i have an afro it's the same hair like nothing new like you want beachy waves and i was like what do you i foresee hair there's no beachy wave my curl is tighter than your whole life what are you talking about yeah yeah yeah Sean, time for your final pick I'm going Montel Jordan, This Is How We Do It

How is Sean picking so many songs I don't like? I had a feeling you weren't going to like it based on all my other picks But I gotta be me, so I had to do it Good call I hated that song when it came out. And I remember a comic at the time just being like. Why did you hate that song when it came out? I didn't like it when it came out.

And I remember like there was a comic. Something about it just felt fake to me. And I was like. And I realized the line that made me feel about it was fake. Where he said all the gangbangers forgot about the drive-by. And I was like. I've seen Boys in the Hood. That's not true. And there was like, I've seen Boys in the Hood. That's not true.

And there was a comic at the time who was like, yeah, Gangbangers don't forget about drive-bys. That's how you get more. It was a comic like talking about it. He's like, he sounds crazy. Well, I'm going to say some good stuff about this song. Yeah, he's got to get his in a big black truck. Yeah.

You can get yours in a six. Yeah, six four. You know what's wild is he's six eight that's what always stuck out to me was six eight yeah have you ever seen he when he dances like and he's around normal people it looks crazy yes it looks like kevin garnett celebrating a slam dunk yeah he's really really big what i just was doing some things for the comedy central uh i was doing something for comedy central they're talking about the roast and i saw that roast and it was shack and natasha What? I just was doing some things for the Comedy Central. I was doing something for Comedy Central. They're talking about the roasts.

And I saw that roast and it was Shaq and Natasha Leggero standing next to each other. And she was as tall as his pants. I was going to say, he's like legit like four of her. Yeah, because I can't remember what it was. I think it was Amy. I might have been Amy Schumer or Nikki Glaser. I can't remember who it was. But they said Snoop Dogg was there.

And they're like, Snoop Dogg, you're just Shaq's skeleton. That's a good joke. Yeah, it's a good joke. Like some of them were like, okay. But yeah, it's, I would always, I love seeing how excited people get about that song

because they really, really love it. It always works. It always works. It always works, but it's just me going. James Corden had them install a button in his desk that he can press at any moment and it plays it in our studio. And every time he does it, it costs us $10,000. Every time it makes it to air. Yeah, I swear it's in his desk.

every time it makes it to air. Yeah, I swear it's in his desk. It's so funny. He has a Montel Jordan and on his birthday, I think on his 40th birthday, we got Montel Jordan to come perform. I'm trying to get Jeezy to perform for my mom's 60th birthday.

Yeah, that feels attainable. I feel like one of those is a lot more expensive than the other. Yeah. Montel was not. My mom's 60th birthday is this year. So I don't know

how I'm going to, I've been working towards it, but I don't know. You got to make a couple more movies. Jeezy. I got to make a couple more movies.

Everybody knows because Jeezy likes to smoke. Jeezy likes to drink, you know, he likes to have Arm & Hammer with his Coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot.

Jeezy like to trap. Jeezy like to grind. Jeezy buy this paper, you know,. Jeezy like to trap. Jeezy like to grind. Jeezy buy this paper. You know, because Jeezy like to shine. But this is how we do it. I think that's a good pick, Sean. I'm not gonna. I like it. I'm with you. At a house party, I mean,

I took a hot in her. I can't criticize this is how we do it. It's fun. Duelist, it's time for your final pick. Listen. Okay. You know who I am. Alright. You know for your final pick. Listen. Okay. You know who I am. All right? You know what your girl like to do.

Right? You know where I'm from. Okay? And so I was like, I mean, I had some other songs on here, but I was like, for the things that make me go like, hey. Right? Because the problem is they're tied in my head head and I can't figure out which one to pick. But I can say. So I just got to pick one. I wish I could just go like every song Lil Jon ever made.

Because I kind of feel like that's very accurate. But I know I can't do that because that's against the rules. So I'm just going to say Get Low. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Because that was either Get Low or Yeah. so I'm just gonna say get low yeah absolutely get low or yeah but I had never seen but yeah it's fun but I've also never seen a bunch of people

to the window it's just the scream that happens I almost took it first yeah it's so good and also I used to party at Georgia Tech when the Chappelle show was on the air. It's a very specific situation. Right.

And so just being at these, hanging out at these frat houses with these white boys and people just walking around campus and some dude just going, yeah. And then somebody just going, what? What? What? Just all over fucking campus street to street out of dorm room windows just you'd be walking home on a Friday night and someone in one stack would be like

what and someone in another one would be like yeah yeah it was crazy different dorms would be yelling at each other these people don't know each other you don't know each other but you would just hear what and then it's like what what yeah and it was all night long and it didn't a cool thing apart it was

it didn't matter like the background of the person you're just like we have been like i could do the shit at georgia tech we could do the shit at uga we could be at hood ass clubs on the south side we could be anywhere if somebody goes what and it's just like yeah so it's everybody was in on this i was at southern oregon university and that was happening so yeah literally it was just fucking great to do but it's like the the get low song it's to the window to the wall so you just go to the window and then just somebody from across the street would go to the wall. So you can just go, to the window! And then just somebody from across the street would go, to the wall! And then everybody would say balls at the same time. Yeah, let's not forget about the classic next line. To the sweat drop down

my... And then, so we would be out, I would say to the sweat drop down my face. Okay? Same face. I'm not doing... I don't have no testicles. Because you're a Christian. Right, I'm a Christian lady. To the sweat... So me and all my, you know, all my homegirls, we'd be out, to the sweat dropped down my face all these bitches

and then all skeet skeet skeet cause it was funny cause like for a while they played it on the radio that was the craziest part that was what Chappelle brought up it's like

we didn't nobody knew what it meant we didn't know the white people didn't know what it meant and then when they found out what it meant it stopped being played on the radio yes it did

cause they would have the edited version where they would block out like eventually they blocked out balls so it was like when they got to blocking out balls they'd block out skeet skeet skeet skeet but when they didn't it was like all these you know they changed bitches to females. All these females crawl. And it was ah skeet skeet

and I was like so I don't think you're done editing this song. That's insane. I just imagined him writing that down like ah skeet skeet skeet skeet come come come come ah come come come okay there's a story that I have

to tell y'all off the podcast about somebody writing shit down that happened at a bridge that I have to tell y'all about. But I'm not going to be... How do y'all put it? Airing anybody out, basically. We'll put a pin in it.

We'll put a pin in it. But yeah, Get Low, I think it was a very fun song. It was fun. Because there's nowhere that I have been where they would play... Everybody knew the fucking song. Everybody knew what to do to the it was i think any of those songs that just makes people just yell the lyrics it's not like it's like not just yelling in somebody's face it's just you're looking straight up going oh these females it's like those are the songs i'm

just like that are just very exciting to me. And I miss those. Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum. Also, if you want to have a good little Google search, there is a song that Lil Jon has called Bitch. I think the song is called Bitch. I'll buy that. And the first line is like, you be acting like a bitch, so we treat you like a bitch. You mean B.I.B.I.? No, B.I.B.I. is a different song.

So there's B.I.B.I. and then this is another song. Because the chorus to this song is, we run this bitch, bitch, bitch, run this bitch. You ain't fucking with me, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Because me and my cousin tried to count all the times they said bitch. It's Blink-182. It's fucking Scarface you know it's right it's like so i thought it was b.i.b.i so i can't always find it but b.i.b.i is a different song because it's like why are you acting like a like a b.i.b.i yeah b.i.b.i is a different song but that song is um it's very fun it's also very homophobic

um now that i think you know they weren't no one rap songs yeah because it was like because at one point he says you wearing he's like you wearing panties like a bitch you pussy like a bitch and i was like where are we going with this kind of thought nowhere good not really sure the point he's trying to prove right and then it's just we run this bitch bitch bitch and i was like you was like, you know what? I'm still going to play it in my car. I'm still playing in my car. So people like to wear panties. They're soft.

Anyways. I'm ridiculous. But sometimes because like the one thing about those little John songs, it was just like, it's so angry. And you're like, I needed this. Sometimes you listen to little John, you you're like i needed to hear somebody be this mad about probably absolutely nothing yeah no i needed to scream with him about this i just needed to go yeah on my lunch break because i hate my boss so there was just certain little job songs you're like he's so mad he's gonna fight everybody in this club i get it let me

send some emails so it was almost like it was cathartic somehow yeah oh yeah he's a mad little guy excellent pick excellent pick time for my final pick what i was going to take just to defend biggie hypnotize which is a song you can absolutely put on at a house party yeah for sure but oh i have to i have to once again i have to be from portland o, and I have to be honest about the songs that came on at house parties that got shit like People the Most Stoked. And I have to take Last Night by The Strokes. How's that go? Last night, she said,

Oh, baby, I feel so down You don't turn me down You know, that sort of stuff with the guitar and then the drums come in. Never. Yeah. When I started going to house parties, it was just like on at every house party. And people would get like fucking stoked. You can kind of dance to it.

It's real sloppy. It feels like a rock song from the 70s. It's just fun. It sounds like a drunk night at a house party in a hipster city, basically. Sean, you know it, right? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, I'll buck out to that all day.

The amount of rap music Sean hasn't picked has been very surprising to me. There's a lot we haven't picked. Well, let's get to it. That's the final pick. To recap, David, you went first. You took Knock If You Buck by Crime Mob, Turn My Swag On by Soulja Boy, All of the Lights by Kanye West featuring

Elton John and several other people. Oops, I Did It Again by Britney Spears and then Aye Aye Aye by the Ying Yang Twins. Sean, you went second. You took Tipsy by J. Quan, Shimmy Shimmy Ya by ODB, Got to Give It Up by Marvin Gaye, Slam by Onyx and This Is How We Do It by Montel Jordan.

I never want to go to a party Sean's throwing. Yes, you do. So I'm like, I want none of his playlists. Yes, you do. No, no. Yep. You went third. You took Swag Surfing by FLY,

Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, Back That Ass Up by Juvenile, Wipe Me Down by Lil Boosie, and then Get Low by Lil Jon and the East Side Boys. And I went last. And I took Hot in Her by Nelly, Mr. Me Down by Lil Boosie, and then Get Low by Lil Jon and the East Side Boys. And I went last. And I took Hot in the Hair by Nelly, Mr. Brightside by The Killers, No Diggity by Blackstreet,

California Love, Tupac and Dre, and then Last Night by The Strokes. Woo! Marissa, did you have a house party pick? Yes, this was previously picked in a previous draft. It's Let Me Clear My Throat by DJ Kool. Oh, God! Damn it!

That's right! That's perfect, too. God, that's a good pick. Yeah. That would be fun. I love that video. We left a lot of good stuff on the board. Rubber Band Man by T.I.

is one of my favorites. Let me tell you something. Fucking Rubber Band Man. My homegirl said she was out one night and she met this nigga and he had he did not know that when he says nine on my right 45 on my other hand that he was talking about guns yeah what do you think what do you think he had rubber bands on his arm and he had nine on his right and 45 on his other hand that's so funny 45 rubber bands his hands all purple and like about to fall off

they were the bigger like you know we get that big bag of Office Depot rubber bands and they're all big as shit yeah but I'm just like he could have had 25 nobody would know the difference oh my god that's so funny I was done but yeah

T.I. listen T.I.'s whole catalog there's it's like infinite my list was so big i had such a big list yeah i mean there's it just depends on the vibe you want i didn't have a big list i can say i thought about the songs that maybe just be like yes like if they come on i'm like putting down my drink and like really? But it's like because I was thinking about like white t-shirt by Amigos even though it's not as fast. No, that is great.

And then I was also thinking about that Chance song, You Don't Want No Problems. Yeah, that's a great one. Oh, and then Kryptonite. Oh, yeah. Oh, Britney? No, Kryptonite by Big Boy and Oh, it's Kryptonite oh yeah oh britney no kryptonite by uh by uh big boy and uh oh it's a kryptonite it's like kryptonite i'll be on that straight up on that yeah yeah yeah

not the alternative rock version kryptonite if i go crazy will you still call me superman not the one by three doors down no i'm gonna talk about one. Kryptonite's on my workout playlist. That thing goes so hard. There's certain Jeezy songs. I had Son of a Bitch by Nathaniel Ratliff and the Night Sweats. Push It by Salt-N-Pepa. All Night Long by Lionel Richie.

Got to Be Real by Cheryl Lynn. You know what song is dope that I couldn't put on there because it hasn't had a chance yet is that new Cardi B song, Up. It's so good. Oh, I haven't heard it. But it hasn't had a chance. Let that new cardi b song up it's so good oh i haven't heard it hasn't had a chance let me tell you something i've heard it and i was like i was listening to it and it was what a song where it's like because the chorus is like when it's up then it's up and i was like where are we where are we where are we going like it's just and then

because like i also have a a huge affinity and love for Megan Thee Stallion. I finally understand the Bayhive when Megan hit the scene. She's amazing. But she has a song at the beginning of like her, it's her second album. And in the start, the song just like, like say, nigga,

I don't want to talk. And I'm like, I'm already in. What are we doing? What's going on? don't want to talk and i'm like i'm already in what are we doing what's going on say bitch out and i'm like i'm here i'm here what's going on you got my attention but there's like certain songs that you're just like it's i kind of took mine off of like not what's like oh no this could be like fun at a party my shit was just like no this could be like fun in a party my shit was just like what is making people go oh or if you don't play like the songs like i think of the songs were like if you're having a party and you don't play that song people are gonna be like

i can't believe they didn't fucking play oh you're not gonna play like that's what i was thinking about because they're the songs that you know like the standards right so absolutely well we want to hear yours hit us up at at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you so much. We appreciate everything you do to keep us going here on the microphone. Shout out to

everyone on the AFE subreddit. Except for those people who don't fuck with Dulce, you guys can take a long walk off of a short pier. How do you like that? How do you like that? No pussy getting motherfuckers. Get cocking off of me on me, smucks. All right? Yeah, smucks.

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tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaklockety! that was a hate gum podcast