All Fantasy Everything - Iconic Facial Hair (w/ Katie Nolan, David Gborie & Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

KATIE NOLAN. MUSTACHES. WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?Episode Guest:Katie Nolan @katienolan IG: @natiekolan Podcast: Sports? with Katie NolanSponsors:Feals: Become a member and get 50% off your first order with free shipping at feals.com/allfantasy.Hawthorne: Go to Hawthorne.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY for 10% off your first purchase.Manscaped: Get 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, and use code ALLFANTASY.Hims: Go to forhims.com/allfantasy5 for your free visit.Support the Show:Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some merch at teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture, from television shows that have never won an Emmy to famous people named Mike. On today's episode, we're drafting iconic facial hair because it's about to get colder out

and you're going to need something to warm you up. Our guest is Katie Nolan. You know her from previous episodes of All Fantasy Everything and the Sports Podcast. With me as always are Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get to the podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that, it's the other podcast for all the no limit soldiers out there. Got it in at the top. Good. Got it in at the top. It's like a vocal warm-up, and I'm good at it already.

No-linit soldiers. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. Dame Judi Dench. You always do that.

At 9 in the morning? 9 a.m. Sharp. I can't do it. Like Tillamook Cheddar up here. I feel like you guys, not to derail you with fandom about your own podcast, but I feel like you came up with something in that episode about how to do it.

Yeah. It's a, it was like emphasizing a syllable. Dame Judy is one word. And then you do it to the tune of Carol and the bells. Ah, Dame Judy dance, Dame Judy dance,

Dame Judy dance, Dame Judy dance, Dame Judy dance, Dame Judy dance, Dame Judy dance. Well, we can do it. If you, David, if you do the baseline and then Katie, you can do it. David, if you do the bass line, and then Katie, you come in next, and I'll come in and do the... I'm going to start.

Sean, you can just vamp. I'll just take off. Sean, why don't you go grab a drink? I'll just get out of here. Yeah, just go do a kickflip or some shit. I'm going to be the rock of Gibraltar right here. You ready? Yeah, and then Katie, you come in.

This isn't just singing over Zoom. Impossible. So we're really setting ourselves up to fail Or is it so It's Kim possible The syncing is gonna be I'm gonna make this sound great I'm the one, it's all on me now

It's all on me now, ready? Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench

Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench Dame Judy Dench I feel like we all went over the top and I got shot immediately. That's all right. No, you were going to be the rock Rocket Gibraltar on that one, remember? I'm like, in Normandy, I didn't make it off the boat. They were like, what happened to Slacks Milwaukee? Oh, you did so good. I love Dame Doody Ginch. Yeah, I blew it.

She's almost as good. She's almost as good. Can I tell you guys, this is on wax, but it's a promo. I'd rather not hear it. I'm going to sit down on this. No, listen, it's a promo thing. I'll listen, David. It's a promo thing anyways.

I read a chapter for Sam Talent's, I read a chapter for Sam, his audio book. Yeah. I kept calling Norm MacDonald, Norm MacDonald's. Like, as many times as you think, five times more. Whoa, he's really present in that chapter. I couldn't stop doing it. I kept saying McDonald's. Oh, no.

And the crazy thing is I don't even fuck with McDonald's that heavy. Shout out to the spicy nuggets and all that, but that's not even mine. I've heard they're bad. I've heard they're good. You've heard they're bad? Let's have our sources fight. Yeah, we should definitely have one. I think we're on different subreddits though, Katie.

That's true. That's true. That's true. That's true. They call them nugs, which is funny. Spicy nugs. Hi, Sean. Hey, what's up, Kayan?

How you doing? How you doing? I can come in now. I'm not part of the Dame Judi Dench crew, but I'll come in. No, we're done. We're done. You came in and we were like all right let's do the business all right you want to keep talking about icp or did you not want to talk about that

anymore that was brought it up earlier that was before i've never said a word about icp i couldn't tell you i know fago that's it and that they and that they somebody said that they were a hate maybe the southern poverty law center and then maybe they reversed it i feel like they got classified as a hate group and then people were like oh no these people are just odd maybe if you hate to get a job yeah it's like you can't have hate in your heart when you're putting makeup on your face well yeah you can't yeah didn't you didn't you see joaquin phoenix as the joker no what's that about i still haven't i still haven't seen it good for you you haven't seen it now it seems like a bum I still haven't seen it. Good for you. You haven't seen it? No, it seems like a bummer. I haven't let it into my world yet.

It's totally fine to not see it. Yeah. That movie was in a bad picture. It's also fine to see it. It wasn't like, I don't think it was as bad as everybody made. Like, obviously the real life implications of it are a little too fresh for some of us. Yeah. But it also is like an interesting enough movie.

If a comic book movie radicalizes you, you're a ding dong. Yeah, you're not allowed to say either, though, that you feel okay about a comic book movie. You're not allowed to be like, I thought it was, you know, I would watch it on a Saturday, maybe. If Out Cold wasn't on, I would certainly watch the movie. Movies are movies. But people are like, if Grandma's Boy and Out cold aren't on i'll watch it but it's you

have to be like it was a changed cinema forever are you an out cold head yeah those two movies are so good those are my two those are my two rewatch anytime they're on tv i can't scroll past them zach galifianakis is funny in that movie yeah i was i clearly was a stoner before i smoked weed like i have very stoner tastes. I was the same thing. Now I can't smoke weed anymore. What's up? It just hits me different.

It just one day just started hitting me different. Yeah, I'm out on weed. That sucks because that's why I used to not. I tried it in high school and just would panic attack all the time. And then I was like, I hate this. I'm going to stop trying to like it. It makes me anxious, which is fine. Now I just sort of burn incense and look at my backyard. Cool. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, I hate this. I'm going to stop trying to like it. It makes me anxious, which is fine. Now I just sort of burn incense and look at my backyard.

Cool. Yeah, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I tell you, though, that I am out here, just for the listeners, blowing clouds, bro. Chopping trees down, dog. OG Cam. Audubon Society, bro.

I'm on that Durban poison. We get to vote on it in this election in New Jersey. Really? Oh, really? Phil Murphy's trying to legalize it. Fuck yeah. So I don't. You're blowing clouds or whatever, David, but not me.

No. Aren't you guys trying to legalize Gabagool as well? Yes. Isn't that a struggle for years? That's finally on the ballot. My parents' parents fought that fight. It's about time it's finally made it. My father was a Gabagool and his father before him.

It's a relay race. You know what I mean? The cannoli's got to get passed from one generation to another. You know what's funny? The new season of Fargo with Chris Rock is actually about legalizing Gabagool. It's a Gabagool show. Is it good? I haven't watched it yet.

I like the first episode. I like the end. I didn't like it that much. These two don't like Jason Schwartzman. I think he's killing it. I think he blew it. I think that dude blew it. I thought Schwartzman was lousy in the first episode.

Is he annoying? Because that's what he's supposed to do. He's funny. He's funny. And he's good at the role he's got. He's funny. He's funny. And he's good at the role he's got. He's not. Sean's lying. But are you guys judging like his actual acting?

Or are you judging the character he plays? I'm judging his acting. His acting. Listen, Sean's talking a lot of random shit. Katie, as the internet says, I'm going to keep a G real. Let's go. I got time today, cuz. Let's go.

Spill the tea. It's okay. It's okay. Spill the tea. It's okay. It's okay. It's all right. It's fine. Okay. Harsh. You should watch it.

You should watch it. It's good. The guy who likes Jason Schwartzman's performance in that television show, Sean S. Jordan on Twitter, Sean Cougarmel Jordan on Instagram. I'm in a good mood. I'm happy. He's in a good mood. He's wearing a camouflage shirt.

We've heard. I can't see it. I can't see it. All I see is a skateboard logo floating somewhere below his beautiful neck. Real skateboard. Gorgeous neck. Not some of those fake ones. I shaved my neck so I wouldn't look homeless. So, yeah.

It's that kind of mood. This man's going to be a father soon. You're looking good, dude. Sean's hair is getting longer by the day, and I know that's how hair works, but boy, how it is to get long. Wait, also, just a friend shout out, you also jumped down a double stair the other day. Go on and get it, sir.

Yeah, I jumped down a double step, man. I was at the skate park and I got hyped. It was fun. On a real skateboard. He didn't just jog up and jump down two stairs. Yeah, skating. Is a double step like when there's stairs and then a little break and then stairs, or is it literally two stairs. Yes, Katie. Is it double step, like when there's stairs and then a little break

and then stairs, or is it literally two stairs? Or is it that Sierra song? Well, it's actually, I'll step in here, Sean. Let me see you double step. Oh. No.

Oh, Sean, now I have to leave in protest. I've said it before. I've said it, and I've said it again when I'm on this podcast. I walk. I've made it perfectly clear. It was it. He does that again when I'm on this podcast. I walk. I've made it perfectly clear.

It was in the contract my agent sent over. That's fine. And here it is. An attack in the morning. I have to leave now. It's early, dude. It's not the morning. Dude, UTA said you can't dab.

That's not even, that's a business thing, bro. That's industry. That's kind of an industry standard. Yes, it's a set of stairs and then a gap and then another set of stairs. You got it. That's cool. You jumped the. Yes. It's a set of stairs and then a gap and then another set of stairs. You got it. That's cool. You jumped the whole thing once?

I did. Dude, I was on TV the other day. Why am I here? Oh, yeah. That was dope. We were hanging over here, coughing into each other's faces. We're not talking about you yet, are we, David? I'm always talking about David.

What did you say? Thank God. Say what happened to your uncle, too, please. Can we link? Drop him a Zoom. John, a zoom you got going on right now nothing i haven't been on tv recently so let's just talk to david that's a personal show you did a dope show outdoors at helium yeah it was fun thank you to everybody that came it was red it was very nice to see and i got some new jokes out i still got beautiful how you guys doing with

that that's gotta suck i haven't done stand--up since February. I don't care at all. I went up last night in a car garage, a parking garage, and it was squirrely. We're talking about stand-up, though. No, yeah. Oh. Yeah. I mean, also, I was just like fighting foreigners.

You know what I mean? It was one of those. No. Yeah, I went up last night, and it was weird. Well, because you guys are probably feeling weird and then the audience is weird. And if they've got masks on, you're like, are you even smiling? There's a lot of quiet laughers out there. Also, they're doing this thing right now in comedy where they're price gouging tickets.

Yes, they are. All these cars. But it's like my fans didn't come to comedy clubs that much anyways because a comedy club, not in the Midwest, but in the big cities, a comedy club night out, that's 200 bucks, right? So a lot of my fans didn't used to come out anyways. Now they're charging $150, $200 a car. What? So it's like, yeah. So it's really not my fans. Damn.

My fans are like $10 tickets, $18 on PBRs. Exactly. My fans will come and see me in Milwaukee for $12, but I would never want to push. So it's so expensive. So it's just very different. And then I was like, yo, y'all know how you're like scared of the pandemic because you don't have money forever and they're like can't relate homeboy yeah they're the people

who have the money to come to a show right now yeah yeah they're the people with expendable income right now are it's different yeah i have some i'm buying yoga shorts so i'm not like trying to be really awesome yoga shorts they are looking around for some free weights and I can't find them that's what I want to spend some money on come down to Los Angeles dude I got free weights in the garage we'll get we'll get you swole I want two 20 pound free weights so I can call

so Swalina Gomez can stop by to those you gonna let him do that you gonna let him do that Katie Nolan on Al Gore's internet you gonna let him talk like that I just going to let him do that, Katie Nolan, on Al Gore's internet? You're going to let him talk like that? I just want to move past it if we can. Do those cost a ton to ship because it's 40 pounds? Yeah, they're expensive.

I keep looking at Target and stuff and sporting goods stores, and I think everybody wanted the Swole Patrol to stop by during quarantine because everybody's getting free weight. Why is he doing it again? He loves it, Katie. This is who he is. David smokes bowls. Sean's trying to smoke a swole.

Smoke a swole. He smokes swoles. Has this podcast gotten like this since I've been gone? Yeah, it's gotten worse. Well, we need you to come reel it in sometimes. No, it's not me. I can't reel it in. It's puns now.

It's mostly a pun-based podcast. You also know I can't be contained, Katie. You've talked about this. I know. I know. It's why, though I love you, we are nemesis. Yeah. As I like to say, it's deeper than rap.

I say it about all kinds of stuff. I say it making my mac and cheese sometimes. I'm like, it's deeper than rap. And nobody sucks. Wooden spoon always with mac and cheese right i was i always started using a wooden stick with a rubber spatula oh yeah that's how you get the cheese out because if you're doing blue box which i'm an exclusively blue box household i got the blue box blues like you gotta smush no offense to them i don't mean to be rude but you gotta smush the powder clumps and i find that that's really good at that oh yeah it's stepped on their their their uh mac

and cheese but it's stepped on definitely it's got you gotta get the impurities i'll get that out to the whole neighborhood one box absolutely cutting it breaking down in sections i cut my i cut my mac and cheese with ranch dressing oh you have You have to. You a bad boy, huh? You know, I've been out here for a little bit, two for fives. I got to move that. Do you really? Are you being, is that true? Of course it's not true, Sean.

Don't talk to me like that. What the fuck, dude? That could easily be true. Sean's like, can I finally speak my truth? Yeah. You're a 12-year-old boy. Me and Katie are over here being cool. Hey, guys. Remember, you said I wasn't. Remember, you said I was older. You're a 12-year- old boy. Me and Katie are over here being cool. Hey guys.

Remember you said I wasn't. Remember you said I was older. You're a 12 year old boy. You're a 12 year old boy. No. Call me a dork Katie. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I wouldn't put ranch dressing into a Kraft macaroni and cheese ball.

Come on. That's what I'm going to say. Don't fucking talk to me like that. I know. I don't know Katie would, but I know both of you would. So let's just. I've reached we've we've reached the point in quarantine with my boyfriend where he will uh he used to like look at me when he was going to get his condiments for whatever meal we were eating

and they he wouldn't bring the ranch over as much and now at the point where he's like yeah i'm putting ranch into this bowl of like rice and mac and cheese and chicken. It's on the table, sure. I'm going to put ranch in it. Now he's like, I don't. Yeah, it's on the table. Much like myself, your boyfriend is South Aurora trash. That is right. That's right. It's a special, special.

I thought I loved ranch. He puts it in things that I'm like, it's a consistency issue. You can't put more wet into squishy and wet. Dog, if there was a Smoky Hill flag, there would be a bottle of ranch on it tell dan i said exactly that it would be a bottle of ranch smoking a cigarette yeah with like a juggalo shirt outside of a liquor store if there's if i could describe aurora in like one

sentence it would be that dude at your job who's really cool, and then you guys go out for drinks, and you find out he's a juggalo. That guy who thinks Mountain Dew is a personality trait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he got a Code Red tattoo. Yeah, the guy with strong opinions on Code Red, whether positive or negative. He wants to talk to you about it. I miss it before they took the Quattorin out.

You know what I mean? Remember when they had Guarana in that shit? It used to be like an energy drink. Balls. Really? Drink an empty thing of balls next to the computer ass dudes. Remember Sobe? Yeah, I remember Sobe for sure. Sobe was like, we're chill, dude.

We're like juice, but kind of like water. It was a gecko core drink. But they also had that horny one. Do you remember that? Do you guys remember the horny Sobe? Oh my God, there was one that was supposed to make you horny. It was called Eros. I drank it with like yeah i drank it with like four other little boys behind a dumpster once it didn't do anything what were you hoping it would do with four others little

boys four horny little boys all right let's go hey guys let's all get horny together it's an exploratory time it's an it's about to be the best summer ever. And then you crack this. Immediately cut to you playing fucking perfect dark. I took one hit of pop can weed and slammed half an Eero Sobe. And I was like, I'm going to get somebody pregnant. It's three o'clock. I got to be home before my mom gets off. That dude slamming horny Sobes behind the grocery store is David Borey gsi on twitter cool guy jokes 87 on instagram hey little gecko built into the bottle you remember that he was climbing the bottle imagine if you saw like an older person alone at like a 7-eleven

just drinking the horny sobie you'd be like It's so sad. The energy in here is not safe for me. I should follow this guy home. Why are you drinking horny Sobe alone? Like a dude on his lunch break from Albertsons, like in the car, just like slamming one. Just staring at the taquitos as they roll in that thing and they glisten in that way. You know that way.

Ooh, I do know that way. Yeah, I know that way. I love those taquitos. Just ask him for it. I'm close to my wife on that way. Ask him for it. The jalapeno cheese ones, you have chicken roller and two jalapeno cheese taquitos. way you know that way i do know that way i know i love those to keep close to my wife on asking for it the jalapeno cheese ones get chicken roller and two jalapeno cheese taquitos remember when you kind of counted the jalapeno as a vegetable you were like well yeah but i ate like three

jalapeno cheese taquitos what'd you have for dinner i had a salad all right i had a salad back off for everybody out there listening i do want i don't know who needs to hear this but jalapeno is not a vegetable like it is but like it doesn't hit the count that's like the people who still are like tomatoes are fruits it's like i know but they're a vegetable can we just all agree that like, let's not be ridiculous here. And you're eating a hoagie, Jason. Maybe don't worry about what the fuck tomatoes are. You got mayo and aioli.

So I don't think it matters if it's a fruit or a veggie. Your blood type is ham and cheese. Maybe chill out, bro. I'm trying to see if I can buy Sobe online. You know what I just bought a bunch of? Clearly Canadian. Clearly Canadian. My mom used to go crazy for that shit.

You remember Clearly Canadian? It's so good. Is it still in the weird bottle? Like the orb bottle? It's still in those little blue glass bottles. Yeah. But it's like pre-La Croix. But all those ones I'm pretty sure are zero calorie

because they're like whatever fake sugar this is this has this is like 40 grams it's like real sugary soda but not as sugary

as like but it's also water I don't know it's so good they're so good and they're so expensive to just buy like a tiny

like a 12 pack of them well the border's closed that's oh that's is that why you think yeah the border's closed marissa can get you a deal on clearly canadian she's clearly canadian as well i don't know i just thought it was like taco bell it's like not really katie you didn't know this about me i'm a clearly canadian coyote so i can get it i can get it i can get it are you in the

facebook group i'm i'm bringing all that shit. Ketchup chips. What's the difference between a coyote and a mule? You're just faster? I got hips. Okay. All right. Okay.

You know what I'm saying? David, you got hips. Do you have anything to promote? Anything you want to direct people towards right now? I hope that you watch that Robert Smigel thing that i was in and then it's very funny i also what am i oh you know what i do have a i me and me and jamel johnson wrote a video for a company that's very funny and it's coming out soon so watch out great so watch out for everything. Don't miss it. Can you not say what it is?

I got my fingers in pots. Or is this a lookout for detox? Come on. You guys know I'm moving. I'm moving. I'm moving. I'm moving. You know what I'm saying?

It's a ballerina in the game. It's like I'm dodging raindrops. Don't worry about me. I'm out here staying dry. Don't worry about me. Don't worry about me. All right. Katie Nolan is here.

Katie Nolan on Twitter. Naty Colon on Instagram. Man, I haven't opened Instagram in so long. It's still popping on there. It's still popping on there. Have you ever thought about going by Natty Colon? What? No?

Okay. I'm sorry. What did you say to me? Natty Colon. Because I said it would be funny if you went by Natty Colon. Okay. I'll keep you abreast of everything that's going on Instagram. Here's a picture of me, my aunt, and my grandma.

Oh, yeah. So you can listen to content like that. All right. What else we got going on here? I've been posting skateboarding clips every day. Oh, that's why I stopped going on Instagram, Sean. Because you didn't want to see my skateboarding clips? That's harsh.

That's harsh. That hurts. I still feel a connection to St. Sue Carmel after that weird moment we had when we were texting the other day and we both referenced her separate from one another. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That hurts. I still feel a connection to Saint-Sue Carmel after that weird moment we had when we were texting the other day and we both referenced her separate from one another. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very strange. She was in the air. She was in the air.

She's controlled. She's 5G. 5G means Saint-Sue Carmel's getting involved in the conversation. Yo, knock down the towers. You can no longer find Sobe Eros on the internet. Really? You got to make it yourself a home now? God, what the fuck's going on?

They do Sobe Life Water now. Truthfully though, I got some wormwood. I think it could make it happen. Yeah, and the hair of a virgin. Yeah, I got some wormwood, some tonic water, and like a half a code red.

I think that's all it was. David burns his eyebrows off making bootleg Sobe arrows in a bathtub behind his house. I'm a gin man. I was born in the still. You merely adapted to it. Nice.

David lives in the hills now, dude. He made a mint making bootleg Sobe Eros. Yeah, also Yerba Mates. Yeah, Yerba Mates, man. I make my own Yerba Mate. Yerba Mate. A bunch of people in West Covina died from it, but that's a lawless land, so he walked free.

But a bunch of people in East Covina died from it, but that's a lawless land, so he walked free. But a bunch of people in East Covina bought land. What is it? Is it like kombucha? I'm not going to sit here and tell you my techniques, Katie. It's like an energy juice. It's an energy tea. Energy juice is disgusting. Yeah.

Also, Sean, that's what whiskey is. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Yeah, that's true. That that's what whiskey is. He doesn't know what he's talking about. Yeah, that's true. That's not what whiskey is. Whiskey, I wouldn't call it an energy juice. Wait, wait, wait, no. What is whiskey, Sean? Yeah, go ahead, Sean.

Good. Nice. Katie Nolan is here. Listen to the sports podcast. Make sure you do that. What else you got going on right now? Your Twitter's also been real fire lately. Has it?

I like your Twitter, yeah. Thanks. I try to leave a low footprint on the internet, so I'm not like out here. But I like your Twitter. Now I feel personally like you're saying that to me because I like everything you tweet all the time. Because you do good tweets, David, and I like them

because I don't hold back love. Love is an an infinite resource you know it's a renewable to give out yeah i'm just out here i think love is a power structure and i'm trying to control it uh do you like you like my seven tweets in the last six months i don't know whenever i log in you're one of the people that it's like in case you missed it and then i'll like it and then i look i'm like that was 17 hours ago. Why are you showing? Now I look like I went, I log on and I go,

let's go to his page. It's also like, just like all caps, like pastrami tastes like hope. No, no, that's like, those are my tweets.

Your tweets are like, I'm starting a band called B3K. 2014 is about to be unstoppable. Nobody's ever got me before. That really is what I would tweet. That's really good. I'm upset you haven't tweeted that. You're a good friend, Ian. I love you.

I love you. I'm so happy to be here. I was telling Ian the other day, I was thinking, I'm like, I miss, I would like to do an AFV. That would make me really happy. Maybe I should just text Ian and be like, can I do your podcast soon? Instead of waiting to be invited. And then the next day,

Ian was like, you want to do an AFE soon? I felt it. I do want to do, I just missed you guys. You don't ever have to wait to. The highlights of quarantine was when we did the, we literally have you on every week if you want to. I'm not kidding. This is so much fun. One of the highlights of the whole history of this show for me is the Brooklyn episode. Shut the fuck up!

The whole time we're going to do this? The whole time? Every time I say something serious, you can be a prick if you want, and then I'll just keep being serious again. One of the highlights of this whole show for me is the Brooklyn episode. I'm still going to say something nice. It was really fun i love that episode that was so fun and those who weren't there um ian david and i all kissed

each other and you all missed that because you weren't in brooklyn did we kiss right we can katie's hand inclusion you know we just purchased a herd of sheep from her and then we were about to go on our way. And you respect her qualifications and the reason that she's there, and you, yes. These are fine sheep, true and strong, and we will thank you for them and take to the field. Can I say, Katie's the number one person I tell people from my hometown that I know

if they ask if comedy's going good. What? Yeah, well, because they only respect sports and violence. Oh, okay. Normally the people, though because they only respect sports and violence. Normally, the people, though, that only respect sports don't care about me. They're like, oh, I heard that she only got hired because she's attractive and she slept with an executive. You're not attractive. Can you imagine, Ian, if the whole internet had a debate on how you got your job because you're hot and you're sitting there and you're not attractive that is the weirdest can you imagine Ian if the whole internet had a debate on how you got your job because you're hot

and you're sitting there and you're like I haven't showered in a week it smells like toothpaste what are we doing right now no my friends are like bro Katie fucking Nolan also I do voice over Katie Nolan bro from ESPN bro

man I'm on papers so like i just sit in the house to watch espn all day bro i can't even go pick up my kid because of the fucking probation shit but like i fuck with katie nolan bro when i tell people who've like that who's on the podcast and i'll be like oh you know like like james corden roxanne gay katie nolan they'll be like katie those are the three those are the three Those are exactly the three that you tell people. They're always the most stoked about you. That's what you tell people that you're not a loser. Where you're like, I have a podcast, but like, that is totally the three.

No disrespect to anybody else who's been on this podcast. We love you all. Not at all. No, no, no. But people get the most stoked. Because when you tell people you have a podcast and you're in comedy, they think you're like low-key a loser and you're like, okay, but like I'm wavy with it. You know what I mean?

I'm nice with it. You guys, this is the sweetest thing. It's also very weird because I loved this podcast way before I was on it. I know, it's so rad. But it's just so great. Sean, are you crying? We couldn't love you more.

We really are. Am I crying? No, no, I'm not. I'm not crying. Don't worry about it. Sean's crying. Sorry, Ian. Sean's trying to make it about him. Why do you call the whambulance? You guys hear that? I'm supporting my friend by not getting in on this

gangland stomp out that's happening on Sean. Is the whambulance not funny anymore? I'll do clip clips afterwards and I'll forget all about the bullying that I just... Wait, when did we stop doing whambulance guys french fries and wham burger i'm back we stopped doing it almost long enough ago that you might have just brought it back i haven't decided yet like to a new generation yeah it was pretty long ago and then joe dirt that we stopped doing the wambulance okay that's cool i feel like it was in a movie. Yeah, was it Joe Dirt? Yeah.

And I feel like after that, it got kind of... We stopped? Fucked out. Okay, that's okay. I guess you guys were right to not give me internet knuckles. It hurt, but like... I'll still do it. Oh, thank you.

Bam. You can see how hairy my knuckles are. You can see how not hairy my knuckles are. Welcome to the jungle, baby. Oh,uckles are. Welcome to the jungle, baby. Oh, you win. You're the jungle, baby. Okay, but if we were doing toes, I think I would win. Listen.

I just the other day took care of them because I was like, okay, that hair goes from the bottom of my toe to almost my toe. Whoa. And again, I only have my job because of how sexy I am. Yeah, of course. Did you wax or shave the toe i just shaved it i'm lazy i just you know people don't understand that being on television is mostly a toe hair based pursuit and uh and the bushier it gets the higher you rise on the ladder

that's right also shout out to my subreddit toe hair based pursuit yeah you know thousand subs we're growing we're growing like some decent toe hair on the big toe and then the pointer toe and then. And then it just fades. Yeah, it would be weird if you had really long baby toe hair. Yeah. That would be a deal breaker for me, I think. Do any of you guys' toes look like you're still babies? No, never mind.

What? What are we drafting today? Are you saying that your toes are as long as your foot is big that is a baby situation that's a baby foot i don't know how to explain this okay so let me do this let's try you see this right a hand that's her hand it's holding up a hand it's like you got cute hands thank you very much it's Is wild big palms and then not super big fingers, right? Can you palm a basketball? Oh, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have asked it. I shouldn't have asked it. Please keep going. In front of my friends, dude. Just cut it out. In front of my friends? As soon as I said it, I'm like, what are you doing? Bro, I'm at work right now.

I know. I'm sorry. Come on. That's on me. No, it's over now. I can't tell them how big my palms are. Shit. I knew it. Fuck fuck i'm sorry these hands they're six three and six two katie they can do it i'm 5 10 i'm just trying to get some real estate in the hand game i know he's alan iverson he's on

the perimeter sean and i are down low setting picks and shit we have a system we got the whole system everybody knows how you talk tall you are and then i go on the subreddit and they're like yeah i walked next to david borre my man is short and i'm not short i'm short but i'm not like short right i'm 5 10 strong i'm 5 10 strong bro coming any day any day in forces in our force ones i'm 5 11 i'm 5 11 in forces i am that's, you're six feet tall and you're Balenciaga. And you know what? I'm a good fucking friend. How about that? How come that never comes up?

Yeah, most of the time. I fucking take care of minds. Your friendship towers over anyone else's friendship. I take care of minds. I support my fucking family. I saw David at Faded and he was being a good friend. Where's that post? That's what I'm saying, man.

Yeah. I walked by David and I was like, that's a good friend. I can that post? That's what I'm saying, man. Yeah. I walked by David and I was like, that's a good friend. I can feel it. Exactly, bro. Me and my little brothers, we have a family group chat. I help them through life,

you know? It's like not about all that. It's not about all that. It's deeper than rap. It's deeper than rap. It's like a macaroni and cheese pot, dude. Yep.

Yep. Katie, do you have anything other than sports that you'd like to direct people towards right now? Anything you want to... I wish sports that you'd like to direct people towards right now? Anything you want to... I wish I had a huge portfolio to direct people towards, but right now I'm on Highly Questionable every so often.

So it's kind of like David's video that may be coming out at some point. Head on a swivel. I think it airs at 2.30 on ESPN, and sometimes I'm on it. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Highly Questionable,

not the quality of the content on that show. Nice. It's very good all the time. Thank you for working that in. I sent you a bunch. I look forward to seeing all of the jokes you sprinkle in that I sent over that are approved. Thank you for that, by the way.

36 pages. A little ambitious, but we'll get through them. Absolutely. Triple spaced. The packet ask was six, but we'll get, you know, we would like to see that omission. Can I give Katie Nolan one last bump? could ask with six but we'll get you know we would like to see that admission can i get katie can i give katie nolan one last bump oh i thought you're gonna be like one piece of advice how to be a

little bit better at this oh no i can barely read madam norm mcdonald you shouting out my special and then i put it on instagram the fact that that was on sports tv you don't even know how like i'm talking dudes who were like threat level heavily on probation like i'm talking about like dudes who still steal bread you know what i mean like dudes who will go to the store and steal sandwich fixings yeah we're like bro you're doing it because that's what every that's what comedy is it's everybody being like it's nobody's ever like i see that you've worked hard and you've really achieved something that you've worked for it's just like bro yo you're doing it it's never like oh i saw that joke evolve and i saw the work you did on i think that's

awesome that you were able to find that sequence of words to evoke such a laugh it's like yo what famous person said your name exactly it's just some dude named gavin like bro i'm trying to beat this mustard charge and like the fact that you're on espn gives me hope don't steal mustard guys it's not it's never worth not worth it why's all the bread in your house sort of squished in the middle like you maybe Mustard chard. Also, guys, don't steal mustard, guys. It's not, it's never worth it. Not worth it. It's never worth it. Why is all the bread in your house sort of squished in the middle like you maybe? Why are you talking like the cops?

You ran out with a firm grip on the loaf. I can't quite put my finger on it, but this ham feels like it's been in some South Pole denim at some point. Is that accurate? My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish South Pole ham.

I got nothing really to listen to all fantasy everything. Keep watching The Late Late Show with James Corden where I am often in fact every show now, basically the Andy Ricker, the Ed McMahon of the Late Late Show monologue, chiming in on- You did it.

I'm doing it, bro. You did it. I'm doing it, bro. They gave you a chair, and you were like, this is my chair now. You can't take this back. I know you might have thought this was for an episode. No. I'm not moving.

I'm fucking here now. I'm in the low post. That's how you do it. I'm in the low post. I i'm in the low post i'm like david boys yoke if i can i tell you guys if i know my man ian carmel if i know him this shit ends he's producing the show that's right that's right he's gonna go he's gonna go from sidekick to cordon to cameraman yep segue to crafty guy interesting progression from host to camera print all right i think the goal is um uh the props department yeah i've heard they get paid so much money

really their union is crazy it's props department it's just gonna be dapping everyone up on their way out giving them my props department dude that guy's a good one yo you killed it bro you killed it proper and you guys may think that that's a joke but like i pay him with my loan out like that's it's like illegal like he's on the books you know what i'm saying he's on retainer yeah that's how i got the car i just told the dude he had a nice shirt like 30 times he's like just take the car bro can i tell you that your car made me want to get a car? I was making so much fun of your shit. What is it? For having a car?

You're making fun of me for getting a car? It's a blue Hyundai. It's a Crip Whip. Look at you realizing that David makes fun of you when you're not around for literally anything. You just are like scratching your ankle or whatever you're doing. Katie, don't do that. You just looked at the camera and you're like, you were making fun of me?

Katie, don't do that. I was scratching my ankle. We're not showing feet. We're not changing the rules. I was making fun of you for having a car? Is that what you were doing? i was scratching my feet we're not scratching my ankle we're not changing for having a car is that weird i'm scratching my ankle too i was making fun of him for having a car but then i saw it and like you know as i said in the text i believe that bitch clean how can i what car is this it's a 2017 hyundai elantra sun leaf okay hold on hold on katie i got i was close as honda aztec is the hyundai elantra is Nissan Leaf. Okay. Hold on. Hold on, Katie. I was close. Honda Aztec.

Is it a Honda Leaf? Hyundai Elantra is like a mom car, right? You know you can actually lease a Neon with no credit. Think about Nissans. Yeah, you can lease them with a felony. It's like, you know. Straight cash. This thing's paid for.

Nice. Good job, Sean. I don't have a car. Thank you. I don't need one, but i want to go skateboard all the time so that's why i got one i'm an idiot and once somebody told me the obvious logical thing of like once you drive it off the lot it's immediately worthless i was like i don't want that in my life you get a used car and then it's like kind of fine it's i don't know if it loses all

that value i don't know i don't know either why are we wading into this water yeah i don't need a car i already i already got it so you know okay i think you should return it is what we've decided oh it's worthless now i can't it what's worth less it's not worthless god wise words god it's a it's a fucking crip blue elantra dude it's not it's worth a lot dude especially in certain neighborhoods especially in certain neighborhoods. Especially in certain neighborhoods. In Beaverton, dude. You take that shit to Beaverton? You take car can I to Beaverton?

Have you taken it to Beaverton yet? I take it to Beaverton every day to go to that skate park. Is car can I what we decided? Because I think that's what you should call it. Car can I is. Yeah, that's the winner for sure. Car can I is the winner. Car can I.

Me, dude. I came up with that. Me, bro. It was me. It was your boy, Ian Carmel from CBS's The Late Late Show. Can he look snot excited? I'm just trying to figure out if it went over my head. Kar-Kanai, you remember the popular clothing brand from 25 years ago?

No. That makes sense. What's it called? Kar-Kanai. Kar-Kanai. I was the only kid in Sioux Falls that had any. That makes sense. What's it called? Carl Canai. Carl Canai. I was the only kid in Sioux Falls that had any. That's how gangster it was.

Did that ring a bell? Did that help? Oh, Carl Canai. I thought you were saying Canine. Did you ever come to Sioux Falls when I was a kid, when I was like 12? Did you ever come hang out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember now. Sorry.

We can also call it Carl Canane if you want to. That's his car. Katie, look at that. Oh, that's yeah, yeah. I remember now. Sorry. We can also call it Carl Canane if you want to. That's his car. Katie, look at that. Oh, that's very royal blue. That's what I was saying. That bitch clean. Super shiny, yeah. That's a lot.

You get in that thing and then you Indigo wherever you're going. Time to Indigo, girls. Does it have a key? I feel like cars don't have keys anymore. Oh, it's got a key. Okay, cool. Really? It is. Yeah, it's got a key. Okay, cool. Really?

Yeah, it's got a key. How hard would it be to steal it, asking for a friend? Probably not that hard. I don't think those cars are that hard to steal, like cars with keys. Those basic, like a Sentra, a Civic, they're pretty easy to steal, I think. A Camry, a Grand Am. There was a time that if you had a skeleton key you could open like most 80s toyotas i heard what's a skeleton key what are you talking about oh is that like the is that like the the okay so we're here to draft yeah it's not working it's trying to move the topic on

from potentially incriminating incriminating topics of conversation. Right? I don't know what a skeleton key is either. I was like talking to them and I was like, whoa. Chill out, bro. It's a Kate Hudson film from 2009. Is it really? Is there a Kate Hudson film

called Skeleton Key? It was 2009. I'm going to be very proud. You can do the thing. I'm just... Okay, okay. Now we are gathered here today not to incriminate ourselves on potential federal charges. By the way,

none of us have been to Bolivia. None of us have been to Bolivia. 2005. I don't even know what that is. 2009 is the 2005s of the late 2000s. I've been saying it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been supporting from the back.

None of us have been to Bolivia, but what we are here today to do is to draft iconic facial hairs, real or fictional. Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicky game of rock, paper, scissors, played between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. David. Katie, what do you throw? Sc you throw scissors david wins david wins again i'm gonna live forever i gotta check the tape i think i've thrown scissors every time he throws rock every time i don't know how no one's figuring out he's the fucking bill russell we're out here telling secrets starting with paper just feels like you're giving up yeah it does yeah that's true actually it just feels like you're giving up. Yeah, it does. Yeah, that's true, actually. It does. It just feels like, oh, paper, it's okay.

A vote for paper is not a vote for yourself. You know what I mean? That's right. Now, David, as the winner of Rock Paper Scissors, it is coming upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. And what does that mean? It's a great question.

It's where you go back and forth like the word race car. R-A-C-E-C-A-R-A-C-E-C-A-R-A-C-E-C-A-R-A-C-E-C-A-R. Just kind of back and forth like that. You double it up? I got it wrong last time. Oh, that's right. And this time I did not. Now let me ask you a question.

You don't want this smoke. Wouldn't technically Are you going to tell me something or are you going to ask me a question? Technically, wouldn't there have to be wouldn't R have to go twice? Yes, it would. Yeah, that's how you spell race car. R-R-A-C-E-C-A-R-R-A-C-E-C-A-R-R.

But for the, so you're trying to, it's like a metaphor? Well, we're 200 of these deep. Why are you doing this? The point is you have to emphasize it. You know what this is, Katie. You got tickets. I just, I'm whispering.

You're right, you're right. People can't hear me. They can hear you. This is just between, I'm speaking at a frequency that only Sean can hear. This is piloting. Like a dog whistle? Yeah. Well, I wouldn't call it that. Like a

dude whistle. Some have. Okay, let's go back to the podcast now with everybody else. Tune back in. So David, with that in mind, basically you picked fourth in the first round, first in the second round. With that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? First, David

motherfucking Borey. Wow, okay. Sean KDN. Oh, tight. I also think that's always the order when I'm here. This is... Is that really? I love it here.

Hot corner. I love it here. It's just like your favorite breakfast spot. You got a booth in the back. Here we go. David, you are the first one to pick in the Iconic it's all fantasy everything draft before we get to that pick we're gonna take a short break this episode of all fantasy

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Those are the two things. If you've heard something, it's been one of those two things. It's been one of those two things. It's been one of those two things. That's true. Now, David, you are the first one to draft in the iconic facial hairs draft. Let's get to your pick. Frida Kahlo. Damn!

Right off the bat, Frida Kahlo. First, dog. First. You don't know where it's going to go next. Also, iconic because I count the top and the bottom. They're both facial hair. That's just hair on your face. That's just hair on your face.

Oh, yeah. Frida Kahlo. What's up? A Mexican painter. While drafting, while writing my list for drafting, I now am at the point where I'm like, David's going to pick this. Sean will pick this. Yeah, and I did not have frida on your list oh that's

how i know i'm still waving yeah you still got it you keep me on my hairy toes i'm out here hairy toes in it yeah colo a uh a famous a famous mexican painter and communist uh married to diego rivera for a long time but he got all he got all uh what's his name was in love with her i was just reading about it last night never mind uh the point is frida kahlo i think that's i like a good face in general i like i don't really care if someone is attractive or not i just like like an interesting face and like i feel like if you just saw her anywhere if you were just at ralph, you know what I mean? And like she went to get an avocado with you as well.

You'd be like, whoa. Haas avocado? Yeah, I do. You know me though. Come on. Don't do that to me. You know what it is. Frida Kahlo is beautiful.

Frida Kahlo is absolutely knockout. Gorgeous. Amazing. Amazing painter. Fantastic artist. Unibrow and mustache. for those of you listening at home who don't have access to a picture of Frida Kahlo at the moment. And what's wrong

with you, honestly? Yeah, you gotta figure your shit out. You've never been in a store that mostly sold tote bags? You know what Frida Kahlo looks like. My nickname is tote bag. She paved the way. She paved the way by not paving the way. There's no AD without Frida kahlo yeah i

don't think we should name other people i'm sorry i'm sorry but i do think she paved the way yeah frida kahlo rock it enjoy it that's my first pick jayne rivera kind of looked like bartolo cologne that's that's something i'm just noticing right now Can I tell you that if I saw that couple in real life, I'd be like, I don't know how he got her. Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? Like, you ever, like, you're like, not in a bad way, but, like, you ever, like, get a dance or some shit,

and then you're just like, I don't know how that happened. I'm always that guy where people are like, I don't know how he got her. No, though. No, though. I think that you're far more gregarious. Thank you very much. Like, you know what I mean? I don't, I've never thought that about you, though. No, though. I think that you're far more gregarious. Thank you very much. You know what I mean?

I've never thought that about you, actually. Plus, I'm often wearing the Puffy and Mace suit. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, they see me shining out there, too. Not a lot of the fans know you got two dicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I didn't know that.

Yeah, it's new. It's new. New? You got a brand new dick. Hell yeah, dude. I got the car, and he got totes jelly, and he got a brand new dick oh yeah dude i got the car and he got totes jelly and he got a brand new dick this one's attention i wanted some attention i'm not ashamed to admit that i thrive on attention you know what you make good money elise isn't a bad decision for you it's not a bad decision because now i can get another dick in 2022 and you just keep flipping them you just

keep dick flipping well i'm trying to i'm like just sort of biting my i will buy when the self-driving dick comes out but until that point i'm not ready to make like a full also man my thing is that you work hard like you can enjoy a good dick lease yeah you know i mean you work hard you can have a puerto rican dick like it's not like out of the budget when you can use it for other things you can dick dash uh while you're paying off the lease that That's true. That's true. That's true. I got some dim sum from a penis two days ago.

Yeah. Perfect service. Are you not concerned about the ethical implications of a self-driving dick? I'm firmly of the belief that there's no ethical consumption under capitalism, so I might as well enjoy myself while we're in the system. You have always said that.

I will fight and strive for a better way. You double-dicking son of a bitch. Also, that's the future, Katie. California's going to all self-driving dicks by 2035. Damn! Yeah, it just came out. They're going to put a lot of dudes who drive their dicks

out of work. Thank God. I don't know how much we need those dudes in the workforce. I'm with you. Controversial opinion, but I do stand with you on it. You ever hung out with a dude who drives his dick for money? I watched a show on Showtime about it. Oh, Gigalos? That show was not what I thought it was

going to be. Gigalos is weird. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like it at all. Sean, what are your thoughts on Gigalos? Sex work. It's fine. Everything's consensual. What are your feelings on Jigalos? Sex works. It's fine. Everything's consensual. What are your feelings on the song Jigalo? Do you believe in Jigalos?

R. Kelly and Nick Cannon? I'm a Jigalo. What are your thoughts on Deuce Bigalow? Rock that body, mommy. Me and Kel's on Ducati. Do you think when they made that song, they were like 12 years from now nobody's gonna want to talk to either of us we're both gonna be done yo this song is too

hot in 12 years one of us will be a virulent anti-semite who's ruined his own career and the other will be worse it is one of the if you think about it like tupac and snoop dogg had that song two of america's most wanted but i think that's what they should have called gigolo by nick where would you listen to gigolo right now you'd'd never in front of friends. No. Oh, no. But you can't be at a house party anymore. Like, hey, man, just let me throw a Gigolo. I think if I was like on a road trip up the coast and I'm like at least 80 miles outside of L.A. and I'm alone and I look around and there's not a lot of traffic, I'm like.

All right. Just the chorus, though. Just the chorus. Yeah, you can't. You can't get. Does that song even have verses? I don't know. It just is a chorus, though. Just the chorus. And then you gotta get out. Yeah, you can't get to it. Does that song even have verses? I don't know. It just is a chorus.

Yeah. You gotta roll down the window, sing it out to Big Sur. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your probation officer, Big Sur. Yeah. Nah, man. They hooked me up with Big Sur, man. He's tough, but he's gonna get me out of the wayway. I should see my kid by fall, man. They hooked me up with Big Sur, man. He's tough, but he's going to get me out of the way way.

I should see my kid by fall, bro. He loves me. I really feel like he loves me, man. I know it's corny, but I mean it, dude. Big Sur. Frida Kahlo. Frida Kahlo, excellent pick. I just want to say a lady went first in the facial hair draft, and I love that.

High value pick. I'm out here. Excellent. Sean, time for your first pick. Alex Trebek. Oh, yes, sir. All day. All day. Mr. Facial. Mr. Mustache. Mr. Facial. Mr. Mustache. That's my probation officer.

Big sir and Mr. Facial coming to the party. Much different crime, Katie Committee. Yes. Yes. If you haven't ever done it, look up young Alex Trebek. That dude is fucking gorgeous. Oh, have I done it? Don't look up Mr. Facial. Don't look up Mr. Facial.

Do not look up Mr. Facial. Do not look up Mr. Facial. Well, look up Mr. Facial. Do not, though. Give it a shot. I bet it's funny. Young Trebek. I bet it's funny.

Young Trebek. That dude was sexy. Look up Mr. Facial on your old computer. Go get your old computer. Yes, he is, Katie. You're out of your mind. Katie, are you serious? He's a. Young Trebek. That dude was sexy. Look up Mr. Fisher on your old computer. Go get your old computer. Yes, he is, Katie. You're out of your mind. Are you serious? He's a sex symbol in Canada.

Look up Trebek wife, Katie. All right. That's a bad picture. Look up him and his wife and see how stately they look. Look up Google Alex Trebek wife. Okay, stop yelling at me. I know. I'm just excited to be with my friends.

Speaking of clearly Canadian, Alex Trebek out here, you know? Am I supposed to get them when they're younger she's beautiful right damn yeah it's wild good for him god she's gorgeous i know dude look at this fucking guy look at young trebek that's not making your case sean i know he's hot the way dudes say a guy is hot yeah that's a guy that you guys are all like man he's so handsome and it's like okay where are his ears i think i think maybe i just trusted sean that young trebek was hot i don't know he's gorgeous oh you guys are out of your mind he's gorgeous he would be why are we trusting do we not remember the chris paul debacle i don't trust this guy for handsome paul's but he's a butt ugly lunatic.

Look at this. He's so cute, Chris Paul. I love him. Fresh out of the shower, Trebek right there. That's not that hot. Oh, this is a really young Trebek isn't that bad. That's not hot. Let me say this about Alex Trebek.

See, this is why I think Alex Trebek would be a weird pick. Look how cute he is without facial hair. Yeah, there's no stash in that. Yeah, but his facial hair is iconic. I mean, that's what we're doing. It's iconic facial hair. I guess. I mean, don't explain it to me, Sean. I know what we're doing.

Now I'm not kind of a... I got a picture of young Trebek and it's... Oh my God. Hell yeah. I would date him. David held up a picture of a baby, folks. It is an audio medium. I'll remind the people. You know the issue here is that I googled hot baby.

How is there not a rapper named hot baby yet? I was just gonna say, show this one yet yeah yeah yeah yeah for the listeners at home if you want to follow along with this part just google pictures of young trebek and and let your heart be your guide you're you're on the right path i think he's fucking beautiful here's the sean here's the thing about young trebek is that like while he's not conventionally hot no i do believe he would be impossible to resist in person yeah that's fair i do think the vibe he's putting out can we get a marissa marissa is he not a canadian sex symbol is that the truth um i mean i yeah I think as he's been hosting the show, people kind of like look up to him as like a father figure, but I have to admit those younger pictures of him,

he's questionably looking. I don't think he's super attractive when he's young. Are you saying you're into it or are you saying you're not into it? I'm saying I'm not into it. Yeah, right. That's what you say. Him as an older host, I'm more into that. Yeah, me too, with a clean-shaven face.

Listen, listen. When you're 20, you like garlic and cayenne pepper. You don't appreciate salt and pepper until 40, you know what I mean? I'm saying. Alright. Is that, or is it flipped? Alright, you know what? Guys, I'm partying. Why did I like Lowry's?

That was my... This is salt, but, yeah. I'm partying. I'm not dissecting it. When did I like Lowry's? That was my... I still like Lowry's. I've been like, this is salt, but really good. I've been saying that we should go to that Lowry's restaurant. I've been saying that for months. I don't know. I've been to a Ken's Steakhouse, and it's like, I'll just take the dressing. You didn't like it? No.

Okay. The dressing, though. So good. Oh, yeah. Put that on your mac and cheese. I'm not a dressing guy uh alex trebek man it isn't iconic it is a learned mustache it is a wise mustache i mean i love the guy i just had to pick i like your picture alex trebek and his mustache sitting backstage having

a fun conversation with each other you know what i think about alex trebek's mustache he's got a scotch and the mustache has a tiny scotch this is really specific i imagine he went like i'm talking like 82 i imagine trebek going to a lily tomlin show yeah and then he got to go backstage because he was trebek and then afterwards he's like i love the show i love that you did the kneel down thing i love your bits and then i imagine him whispering to lily tomlin something hilarious and her laughing absolutely okay yeah it's very what is the best night i've had in the entire year yeah and then she's like oh alex you cad you cab cad i like i like imagining that now too i'm gonna think about that as i fall asleep tonight yeah it's like really comforting it feels really good it makes me feel really good feels warm and safe it feels like a lot of sleep like a lot of like auburn glass in the room like a time

that you want the world to be you know yeah oh uh katie it is time for your first pick in the iconic facial hair draft i'm in a tough spot here because i imagined the main one would go first and i had assumed that would happen. And I was prepared to yell hack at whoever drafted it. Because it's like, you know, that's not, you can't pick the obvious one. And here I am. He hasn't been taken yet. You got to do it. You were talking about me when I had a mustache, right?

Yes. Obviously. No, she was talking about Chef Boyardee. I got to stick to my guns and stick to my draft strategy. I'm not going to take them. Do it. You're not going to take them? I'm taking Guy Fieri's soul patch.

Oh, shit. That's great. Shit, that didn't even make my- That's not what I thought you were going to take personally. Fantastic. That's fantastic. Yeah. I could probably wait until the second,

but I wanted to jump out there and take it in the first. And I'm not a hat. Welcome to Flavortown. Obvious one. I mean, if you look at it, it's really a goatee yeah it's part of the largest it's part of a larger structure but he's not he bleaches the flavor saver yeah and uh it's an interesting choice that's what flavor looks like that term so i know i knew it would make i could look at his your your posture just like your shoulders went up to your ears. It makes me like feel... I don't even like this word.

It makes me feel mad icky. Like when people say, I don't like it. It's icky. Am I wrong, Ian? Is that not what that is? No, that's exactly what that is. It's like you're saying it's not that. No, no. Do you think that's what Flavortown is? Uh-huh.

The little space between his chin and his mouth. I refuse to believe that. It's a weird choice to bleach the part of your face that if you're eating a lot is going to get the food right in it. It's like you're giving it a canvas, but I guess that's his way. A lot of people don't know this. Flavortown is actually a group home he started for Wayward Boys.

I would actually believe you because I've heard he's like the nicest guy and he does a lot for people. Yeah, he's like a good man. Yeah, and he invented donkey sauce. So we all have him to thank for that. He says he invented donkey sauce. I think there's been,

I've heard a description of it that he has explained. I think God invented donkey sauce. Let me look that up for you, Sean. Otherwise there wouldn't be any more donkeys. You talked to invented donkey sauce. Let me look that up for you, Sean. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any more donkeys. You talk to David Borey circa 1998 behind that roller skating rink. I think maybe he invented donkey sauce. Guy Fieri, this was an article on Delish.

Guy Fieri, I know it's Fieri, but I'm going to say Fieri. Yeah, you have to. Finally reveals what's in his trademark donkey sauce. Hard-hitting journalism. And the short answer is it's mayo. Yeah. He said,

if we called it aioli, does that make it sexier? It's aioli. Which is like, no, you named it donkey sauce because you think that's sexier. It's already as sexy as it can get, guy. Which is weird,

but I accept it. I really wish he had never given that interview. Donkey sauce. It's donkey sauce. Hold it around in some donkey sauce. I called it donkey sauce because you have

to make fun of it. It's a quintessential ingredient in so many aspects of food, yet probably not the most beneficial except for flavor, probably the least beneficial, but it does have its place.

That doesn't explain why you named it donkey sauce. Our man used the word quintessential in describing something called donkey sauce. That's how you know he's multi-layered. Also, for the record, I call ketchup honky sauce. It hasn't caught on yet,

but I'm working in the community. I'm on some subreddits. Right, right. But you got sleeper cells all over the country. People ready to start calling it honky sauce. Honky sauce sleeper cells. Honky sauce sleeper cells. Honky sauce sleeper cell. Guy Fieri's soul patch.

God, that sounds like an ingredient in some sort of sacred potion. Yeah. I also, I put that, I sprinkle some of that on my Cornish game hens. A little. Oh, Fieri whisker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like a breath of it just kind of thing a dusting yeah they can't see i don't know it's expensive that's just like

saffron it is expensive yeah yeah ages like saffron too you know what's crazy is guy fieri soul patch hair could probably sell for a lot of money on the black market but he just likes it just washes down a sink drain every once in a while he's giving the game up damn dude if i ever get super famous i'm i'm gonna save all the hair i shave you should you should was that weird start saving mine then too that's what i'll do i'll start then oh i see oh i get it oh i sorry it's oh i get it he's already doing it ian and katie so cool. Me and Sean are the renegades saving our body hair in bags. You don't know what I do with my body hair.

I don't know. I donated to Flavortown. The home for wayward boys. The boys home. The home for wayward boys. For boys who need a little extra confidence, we're like, look at you. You have a bunch of Jewish chest hair now.

Why don't you go apply for a loan somewhere? And they do. And they do. They go into the bank and they're like, look at you. You have a bunch of Jewish chest hair now. Why don't you go apply for a loan somewhere? And they do. And they do. They go into the bank and they're like, let me tell you something about this taco meat. It ain't Mexican. That's focaccia. They go to start talking and their beard just starts

falling off because they've just glued it to their face with spirit gum. Oy vey, I need a bank loan. And if you don't do it, you're a schmuck. Where's the guy got to do it to i gotta do to get a bottle of water that's actually an exact reenactment of how we got this podcast that was fun oh you guys are funny man i

don't care what people say about you guys you're pretty funny wow nice yeah we don't care what afe about you guys you're pretty funny wow nice yeah we don't care what afe mel kuyper says about us we're funny i don't give a fuck time for my first pick time for ian carmel's first pick and i am going to take and maybe this is risky for a first pick i don't care i'm not no no no no it's not well it'd be very funny if this was that i don't know who we're talking about i bet i pick it but it, but I don't know. I'm going to take someone with such iconic facial hair that his facial hair is now named after this man.

General Ambrose Burnside. Okay. Of the Union Army in the Civil War. Well, hold on. I got to Google some shit. Yeah. General Ambrose Burnside had gigantic mutton chops. The sideburn is named after Ambrose Burnside.

Why don't we call them Burnside? That's much cooler. Because they flipped it around. That would be way cooler. There's also a road in Portland named after him. Pretty good road, by the way. Pretty good road. If people in middle school were making fun of my Burnside, I would have felt a lot better.

I think they made fun of my sideburns. Yo, people weren't doing this before this, dude. I mean, I don't think people were doing this after this, dude. This is wild. Yeah, check out Ambrose Burnside. If you haven't seen Ambrose Burnside before. Yo, this is mad wild, bro. That looks gnarly.

I don't fuck with that. I like your pic. I'm telling you, like, Google image search, I don't fuck with that. That guy lived in war, David. He had to. Wait, does it connect in a mustache? It does. Oh, my God. No, I think that's why he did it. That guy lived in war, David. He had to. Wait, does it connect in a mustache? It does. Oh, my God.

No, I think that's why he did it. That's a man who's seen terror. You see that guy on a horse across from you, and you're supposed to fight him? I won't. It looks like pockets. It's like when you have a dress with pockets. You just put little stuff in it.

Do you know how long I've been trying to figure out how to get a dress with pockets? Huh? What? I've been thinking about wearing dresses how to get a dress with pockets? Huh? What? I've been thinking about wearing dresses a lot lately. You should do it. It's honestly, it's, I know it's associated with like getting dressed up. It's actually, it's like a one piece.

You just put it on. I don't know how to make, I don't, I'm not like a Tyler, the creator or something. We're like, I, nobody's going to see me with like a bubble goose and a dress and be like that guy's super cool and that's what I want to do for the movement like we need somebody cooler than me to normalize it I'm not the guy I want to just wear dresses in my I disagree no Katie you're setting me up for failure yeah like a bunch of people wear like the long t-shirts but they're still wearing pants you gotta lose the pants no that's not the same though. Jonathan Van Ness.

Here's my thing. I think the shirts are getting so long and guys' shorts are finally getting shorter. Shout out. I think eventually you guys are going to get to a point where your shirts go over your shorts and then you just stop wearing them and nobody talks about it. I'm not doing that though.

Shirts over shorts makes you look like you wear t-shirts at the pool. I'm not doing that. As long as people stop sagging, I don't care what they do. Sagging. Also, that boom bap, boogie woogie jungle music. All right, I'm done with it. That's the scariest photo of somebody. He is terrifying.

I don't like it. I don't like it. I've seen things. He was on the good guy side. It's a good pickeying. I don't like it i don't like his eyes have seen things he was on the good guy side it's a good pickian i don't fuck with that guy it also looks like he has a fake beard that he didn't glue all the way on and then he got into a pool up to his mustache and so it like floated out he looks like a dude that your friend randy brought to your house and you were like bro we're still cool but not for nothing

like don't bring jamal chinese jamal back here yeah is that you're saying like i don't want him in my shit like like he combs it out yeah yeah i don't like it it's very good this huh because he because it's a good facial hair it's very good also that what people don't know that made him more aerodynamic so he was faster on his horse. Yeah. He was mad quick. He was mad quick.

He's the only dude with a facial hair named after him. Yeah. I don't know. See, when you were like, this might be a controversial pick, and he was historical, and it's named after him, I was like, Ian? Oh! I was like, with the first pick? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think we all dabbled with the idea of that being on our list. I think it's like at the very bottom. If everybody picks all of my shit, I guess I'll go on a ride. But speaking of which. I didn't say it. Speaking of which, it's time for my second pick. And one that probably only I can make. My second pick is when Michael Jordan had a Hitler mustache in the Haze commercial.

Yes. Why did he do that? That dude is crazy. Everybody always talks about him like he's not on some wild shit. That dude is nuts. That dude is nuts. You don't get that good at anything

if you're not nuts. You don't get that good at anything if you're not nuts. You don't. that good at anything if you're not nuts. You don't. That's true. That's true. But you're usually nuts because you're like singularly focused. But you have to choose that mustache.

He is asocial. I don't think he likes people. I don't even think it was like a nod to Hitler. I think if you're Michael Jordan, you don't't like i don't think he likes anybody except for that guy who beat him pitching pennies this guy i think that's the only guy michael jordan likes do you think he do you think he thinks that he was he could turn it around yeah i do think he started we took back the two centimeters under your nose mustache it was taken by a bad man and i michael jordan absolutely put this on my show.

I got to put the team on my back. Yeah. Cause why wouldn't you think that if you were Michael Jordan? He thought the Hitler mustache was basically like BJ Armstrong. And he's like, I can take this thing to a championship. Yeah. What if BJ had it first and he was like,

okay, BJ came to practice one day and was, Oh, I guess the timeline is fucked up on now i respect you well i think like what if tony kukoc had it first that's a different story kukoc can't have it lou longley can't have it bill wellington can't have it no no you can't have that many no what i've learned from working on commercial shoots is the talent in a more than movies, more than TV shows. The talent can do whatever they want and everyone just kind of has to deal with it.

Like if they just don't, they just like edit it all out to whenever I see genuinely funny people in commercials. I'm like, oh yeah, I bet that there was a funnier take of this, but they went with the safe one. Absolutely. They edit it all out, but I don't even mean take wise. I just mean like you can show up there can be a script and you can say no i'm not doing that i'm not i'm not gonna do it and they have to in this you wear in this you're wearing pajamas no i'm not redo it and they just have to do it on every commercial shoot i've worked on if the unless the talent is just like random actor there for a gig

but if it's like a famous person if it's like a spokesperson kind of model like a michael jordan haynes situation they're calling all the shots and i almost think he had just done so many haynes commercials at that point he was like you know what i'm gonna do i'm rolling in there in a hit with my staff and i bet you they make it anyway you know what i'm gonna do do you think anyone even suggested like hey so we were thinking in terms of wardrobe, we're gonna go with the tagless white tee

and a pair of Bermuda shorts and then for your hair, you know, for styling, for makeup, we're gonna fix that, that pimple you got there. Yeah, we'll take care of that.

And then we, so do you think we could go with a clean, a clean shaven look? It's like a clean white tee. It's a clean shave. It's kind of the feeling we're trying to put out there. It's your head so smooth.

And we just want it to all be smooth. Do you think anyone even broke or tried to? Guys, guys, guys, this happened real time? My aqua de geo just got here. Yes, sir. Yes. I think, Katie, I think they definitely sent someone over.

I think they definitely sent... You do? Because can you imagine being that guy that's like, you need to go talk to Michael Jordan about his Hitler mustache. You probably had to go home after that. I don't want to.

You just have to bring it up. Michael, clearly you forgot to shave, so we got someone to do it for you. It's no big deal. We're here to do things like that for you, so how do you do a straight shave? They sent someone over with like two smaller. With the hot towel.

Yeah, yeah. The whipped shaving cream. They probably did. They probably brought in like a professional barber. Oh, shit. It's about to go down, y'all. It's about to smell good in here. Bam.

Let's get a spritz. Is this an unboxing? This is an unboxing. Do you think they like, there must have been conversations like, he showed up with a Hitler mustache. Is it, it looks a little bit wider than a Hitler mustache. I think it goes beyond the limits of a, he's outside the pocket. He's outside the pocket, so it's a little bit, is that a black thing?

Are they in the black community? Are they doing Hitler mustaches? You know what, we should ask the one black person that works here. Are they doing it? Are they doing it? Yeah. Aquadigio. Is it?

I don't think I've ever smelled it. I've just used it as a joke. Come on, Katie. I'm opening it right now. I need your confidence. I need confidence from you. No, I believe in you. I've never smelled it, I'm saying.

I wish your box had Aquadigio, but the G-O had like a B in it. It was G-B-I-O. Aquadigio? Aquadigio? but the G-O had like a B in it. It was G-B-I-O. Aqua D-B-O? Do you guys know,

do you guys remember the shoes Dada, that brand Dada, D-A-D-A? Yeah. I don't. Well. The famous artist. I do. All our Black listeners will know. No, Dada,

so Dada was a famous brand of shoes. My mom got me some shoes one time for the beginning of ninth grade, and there were Babas, a famous brand of shoes my mom got me some shoes one time for the beginning of ninth grade and there were babas and uh this uh yeah this kid named percy called me out on it oh no it it really hurt uh i tried to say they were bought i tried to say they were dada reverses oh was it lowercase? That makes sense. No, but it was like, it just didn't go good for me.

Anyways. My mom shopped at the Abercrombie and Fitch outlet for me because I wanted Abercrombie so bad in high school because all the cool kids, it was middle school, all the cool kids were wearing it. And she got me this like dumb shirt that had an A sewn on it. And it was from Abercrrombie but it was the outlet and i wore it to school and by the end of the school day people were like you're wearing fake abercrombie and everybody knows it and i know i'm just letting you know that i know that

feeling where you're like now they think i want to be them so bad which i do that i that my mom sewed an a under my shirt which she she didn't. It was a double L. I'm like, you know I want to be you so bad. And you know that my mom's not going to buy it for me. Listen, you guys are my friends. How do I put this on? Is it like one sprit on the wrist and then rub it together? And then rub it on your...

But just one? Behind your ears. Let's start with one. You'll know if you need more. Start with one, yeah. You want to put it where your pulse goes so put it on your wrists and then your carotid i gotta put the mic down i gotta put the mic down but i can hear you keep telling me yeah okay the it's gonna the smell's gonna change based

on your body it smells different on every person what do you mean like it's different for black people i didn't different for every people just put it on your body already david put it on your body put the cologne on your body and let's smell it put it on your body i wish you guys could all see katie dolan's face put it on the neck part of your body okay hold on i'm going in i'm going in i got somebody in my bed so don't fucking blow this for me what what what okay any time for your second pick also this shit feels like aqua dg mo i think i did too much it's thick in here now we're gonna get you some activated charcoal yo i smell like a sex trafficker right now this is a lot david you'll be fine it's not gonna smell in 10 minutes like it does now you'll be all right right it will go down it comes down yeah okay just

rub your wrist together a little bit more. Rub it up the forearm. Cricket. Yeah, you got it. Okay. In light of... I'm just going to go with the ones I like up top. I'm going to do the dumb draft strategy. I'm going to take...

No, it's too early for this. I'm going to take Sam Elliott's mustache. Oh, damn it. Yeah. Hell yeah. Do you have a particular Sam Elliott's mustache. Oh, damn it. Hell yeah. Do you have a particular Sam Elliott in mind? Also, that pic is great, but also I smell like a dude who hangs out at a wave pool for chicks. I like it.

You know what I'm saying? You smelled like that for a while. I smell like a dude named Conrad. David has done a lot of visual and olfactory content on the podcast today. You've done a lot of stuff that nobody at home can also experience. Why don't you take a sip of that Stella behind you and let us know exactly what it tastes like. That was last night. Katie, don't do that to me. Yeah, I'm picking Sam Elliott's mustache because it just always seems like it's in his mouth.

And I know that's not why he talks the way he talks, but in my head it is. And I think that's lovely. It also just seems really soft and silky. Sometimes you get a mustache that looks real rough and his just looks really just, I'd like to pet it. And I don't often feel that way about mustaches. His mustache seems like a really good dad.

Like it's firm, but soft. It's coming to your practices and your games. Yeah, it loves you, but it's also not going to let you get away with it. It'll punish you, but soft. It's coming to your practices and your games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it loves you, but it's also not going to let you get away with it. It'll punish you, but you did something wrong. That mustache taught me how to throw a curveball. Knew I wasn't that good at it, but was glad that I got a new skill.

You know what I mean? Yeah, he taught you to put the ball in the glove and wrap the rubber bands around it to break it in at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was meticulous. Put a little shaving cream in there. You got to put a little shaving cream in your kitchen. Oh, don't make me call him in here because he'll put that to shame does he have a

good sam elliott oh get him in here i would love to hear a good sam elliott also guys i smell like a hairdresser from omaha this is bad i don't think i don't know i don't think this really maybe smells good i might have wasted my money dude give it give it a shot you can't yeah you're you're freaking out. You got buyer's remorse way too early. A cologne is for the entire day. It smells thick in here, and I haven't showered yet. Well, you don't put it on a.

No. No. You don't make it. It's not like. That's like spraying Lysol in a bathroom. Where are my fucking friends? I know that you light a match. Why didn't you tell me?

I told you. I didn't shower. You didn't shower? I said I got the awkward. It's 9 o'clock in the morning on a Sunday. You look lovely and clean. Why would I have showered? You look beautiful. You can tell I didn't

shower, but you look great, David. You look wonderful, too. I smell like a child prostitute. You don't put the comforter on the bed first. That is so true. This smells like hacks. You skipped the top sheet. skip the top sheet like axe no i think it might be some act shit bro no no no no no no no you tried to put you tried to fucking

you you got to put a plane on a runway dude you skip the runway i'm spiraling like i want to keep doing this draft but i'm fucking spiraling right now you wait until you take a shower which will help you re-establish yeah yeah then you'll rinse it off I feel crazy dude I got these short shorts And this aqua digio I feel like I'm trying to sell fake Rolexes Or some shit I don't know man I'm sorry continue where are we at

I'm sorry I don't want to I messed up keep going Sam Elliott's mustache That's pretty good Sam Elliott's mustache I think Dan's asleep so I don't think we're gonna What if he's snoring like Sam Elliot, though? Like I said, classic Aurora trash.

Yeah, on the couch with the dog most likely passed out. If he wakes up. I bet you there's some wings in his vicinity. Probably. If I had a dollar for every time I passed out next to wings, man. There's certainly a bunch of ketchup packets. Honky sauce?

Honky sauce? Yeah. Sam Elliott's got a great mustache. Sam Elliott's mustache is a fucking primo mustache. It's always clean. That's important to me. Oh, man. It is.

It is always clean. And it goes with, he looks, have you seen him without a mustache? I never have. It would be jarring. Unlike Alex Trebek, who we see nightly without a mustache. Constantly without a mustache. Constantly without a mustache. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Iconic. Icon mustache? I never have. It would be jarring. Unlike Alex Trebek, who we see nightly without a mustache. Constantly without a mustache. Constantly without a mustache. Iconic.

If you look at Sam's in Stars Born, it's got that straight line just above his lip, and it looks really awkward to me. Oh, yeah. I like it when it's going into his lip, because it's weird. You can see his whole lip, and it's too straight. It's like a t-shirt that isn't a midriff shirt, but it's short and when you raise your arms it's like oh good skin 100 i like i like a big old flop like a boho look i like a boho look like a walrus like a full-on i think he has the most walrusy it's a bold take but i'm gonna say it i think sam elliott's mustache is the most walrusy

no that's fair i want a push fair. I want a mustache from a man who could tell me how to paint my back fence. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's also, who's the character actor I'm thinking of that was in Major League that had a pretty walrus-y mustache? Will for Brimley?

It's Hugh Grant. Oh, shit, I just said a name. My bad. I'm sorry. Well, yeah, you can't answer my question. I was thinking of Rookie of the Year, and you said Major League. That's why. I know you're talking about Major League, though.

Oh, my God. Rookie of the Year? Yeah, it's the head coach. Can I say, when he says funky butt-lovin' in Rookie of the Year, that's still one of the funniest things. Still slaps. I send it to potential love interests, just like that clip. Sean, go. Walter White.

Ooh. Yeah, okay. Walter White? Yeah. A goatee. The goatee. Oh, go. Walter White. Walter White? A goatee. Oh, from Breaking Bad. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, I'm a dick for saying from Breaking Bad. These two looked at me like I was out of my mind.

Katie just knows some dude named Walter White. She's just like, the guy at the Dunkin' Donuts? I don't know what that actually was. I bet there's a lot of dudes named Walter White in the greater Boston area. I will say that. That's just their nickname. If not a birth name, a given name. Yes, exactly.

Anybody who's not Walter McCarty is Walter White. Yo, if you earn the name Walter White, you have a panther probably. Like you own one. You just have a birth name. Oh, that kind of white. Yeah, Walter White definitely owns an exotic hat. Who's coming over?

Walter White. Shit, bro. I'm not even wearing socks. Shit. He was doing so well, I heard he bought directly from Walter White. You got to cut the middleman out. Walter White. Walter White is a scary facial hair.

Does he grow that later in the series? I think he starts with a mustache and then goes more into the goatee. Yeah. Is that what he does? Which is such an interesting choice because a goatee, in my later years, I have started to be like, why are we doing that? Why would you just focus on the hair directly around your mouth? It's a very strange choice.

I was going to ask you, because I was thinking about it recently katie as a woman do you think i should knock off full goatee no yeah i think i got a good situation why would you do that because quarantine's affecting us all differently that's true i mean now's the time to experiment with it i like your beard is like a big poppy beard that's when it looks that's the best it's all going crazy right now dude i smell like a big poppy beard. That's when it looks, that's the best. It's all going crazy right now, dude. I smell like a fucking minor league baseball announcer. Like shit's wild in here. Fucking next up for the fucking Tacoma Rainiers.

You smell like a guy who owns an aquarium store? Yeah, dude. It's nuts. The San Diego Chanticle. You guys. Look at that, Katie. Take that down from here. See, that's what I'm saying. Isn't that insane? Nobody ever looks better with a goatee.

At a certain age, it's dad facial hair. And at any younger age, it's drug dealer facial hair. What about Eddie Murphy? What? I think there's some good goatees. don't like the only goatee i would say that maybe works is snoop dog yeah that's a good goatee he just looks great pulls off a goatee most white dudes with goatees look like they aren't allowed to drive themselves to

their softball games that they're way too into yeah yeah yeah like it's it's a very specific look and it's it's it's not great but wal looks terrifying with it. My stepdad had a goatee, and he dropped me off at fucking football practice one time. And this kid named Dayreem Allo was like, why your daddy so racist? I'll never really forget that. Dayreem Allo? Yeah, he used to freestyle on the bus a lot. Hell yeah. Sounds like a luxurious cream.

To be honest, honest also quite the eighth grade receiver really but also one time they were rapping at school yeah one time they were rapping at school and i was like he was rapping about a pinky ring they were freestyling i was like i don't think you have a pre i don't think you have a pinky ring and then this girl pulled out this other girl's weave eighth Eighth grade, wild for your boy. Yeah. There were a lot of fights in eighth grade at my school. Dog.

So many. I saw some wild shit in eighth grade. Anyways, let's keep going. I don't like my smell, guys. It's not getting better. You need to take a shower and then do it. You need to reestablish it. Upstairs.

I got some wipes. All right. David, time for your second and then third picks uh second pick salvador dali oh shit fuck all right yeah mustache yeah yeah uh third oh i just realized that you said dada and i was thinking dali and i just and i was like we were just talking about but we weren't and i was dada's part of the art movement that Salvador Dali was part of. It's all the same family. But is it a person? No. Yeah, I didn't think so. You said no like no and I knew

that when you said it but I didn't say it. No, it's not. It hasn't been a person since two segments ago. It's alright. That's okay. It's my eyebrows. They broadcast judgment. Sorry, Salvador Dali, I'm not trying to step on your pick. No, no, no, it's okay. Dali, Dali.

I'm just telling you that I smell like a dude who hangs out at Burlington Coat Factory. My next pick. David, you are really establishing the run with these I smell like jokes. Like you're not giving it up. They're not going anywhere. Because you don't understand. It's 3.4 yards every carry. You're getting first downs and everything.

You're going to break one eventually. I don't even want to break one. I just want to hit like, I want to hit 50. I smell like a dude who's sniffing bad peaches at Ralph's. I just want to hit like a bunch of those. You know what I'm saying? I hate his mustache. It creeps me out.

Yeah. No, I understand. My next one. And I didn't do, I understand. My next one. And I didn't do, I purposefully did this for a fight because I didn't do any research. I don't even know if this man was a real man. I'm picking Fu Manchu. Oh.

What? It's got to come from somewhere. No, because as was said famously earlier in this podcast, Burnside is the only man to have a facial hair named after him katie don't do that to me i'm at work damn fu manchu was a fictional villain who's introduced in a series of novels by the english author sax roemer so i'm guessing it was racist okay i was gonna surprisingly enough does not dissuade me has his phd he's a doctor it's dr fu manchu doctor respect evil criminal genius and mad scientist yeah it is doctor that's my bad i'm sorry i'm sorry i have another doctor on my list can i take fu manchu yeah you can take Fu Manchu.

Fu Manchu. I feel like that's one that you don't see. Not many dudes. I don't think many dudes can even grow that. Like where like not a lot of dudes facial hair is that straight. You know what I mean? Yeah. But I think it's iconic.

Every time you see it, you're like, oh, that dude has a. Are you saying you grew a Fu Manchu out? No, I didn't. No. I thought you said you did it for a fight at some point. No, you've seen every facial hair I've had. It's just the beard thing. I like them all.

I like them all. I celebrate them all. If you look at an actual picture of the fictional character Fu Manchu, as I'm assuming he was portrayed in some sort of a film, the middle part does what girls' eyebrows do now. Yes. And I mean girls that know what they're doing because i don't know how to do it where it almost like you can't tell where it starts but all of a sudden it has started it like fades a little bit right until it gets solid and it's a it's i bet that's where

cara delavine got it from it feels like surprisingly well crafted also if you guys could smell me right now as continuing the run i do smell like a guy giving out free energy drink samples at Costco. That's how I smell. It's bad. You guys tried Surge? You want to try Surge? Come over here and try Surge. Oh, what do you guys skate?

Tight, tight, tight. Hey, Surge is free, bros. Come on. I push Mongo, but like. tight i'm free bros come on i push mongo but like i'm gonna go upstairs i'm gonna get bounced out of my own fucking room dude i smell it insane how much did you spray david you asked us if you should do more than one and nobody said yes okay well here's the thing sometimes you do a podcast with your two best smelling friends no offense sean and then you're like i take a lot of offense to that i want to be cool and then i know what you mean it was like three it was like three spritzes so all i got out of that is i stink do i stink

you don't stink you just don't smell like ian and katie all right well yeah i didn't expect you guys my friends and now dude i fucking where am I on the list of your smelling friends? Which... Where do I go? Don't worry about it, bro. That's all right. The point is that I smell like I manage a Papa John's poorly. Where is Sam at on your list?

Am I above Sam? Sam Talent? Yes. He's not on the list. Oh, man. I said my best smelling friends. Oh, all right. Okay.

All right. Okay. All right. I'm different. Foo Manchu. Excellent. Sean, time for your third pick. not on the list oh man i said my best smelling friends oh all right okay all right okay all right i'm different food man shoe excellent shot time for your third pick uh santa claus oh shit yeah yeah great pick fantastic yeah santa you know from christmas what because i was such a dipshit with the Breaking Bad thing. I just got... You know, from Christmas. Santa from Christmas. Santa from Christmas.

You know, from Christmas. Oh, that's funny. I smell like the first time you go to your dad's apartment after the divorce. Do you smell like an out-of-work Santa Claus, maybe? That's, yeah. No, that's got more booze to it i think oh i bet there's some booze in there i see an empty style in the background i hear it's from last night but i believe it's from this morning like that to me don't do that

i'm friends with you i love you i love all santa claus wouldn't be santa with that do you ever see those uh oh no beard santa have we ever seen that i don't think so isn't there like a mustache santa kind of sometimes oh in norway their santa is a thin beard santa it's not like ours they call him nissen n-i-s-s-e-n you're a nissen and uh yeah he has a thin beard i don't like it yeah liam nissen yeah ish is santa in sweden i hear what you're saying. I'm getting distracted because I smell like the lunch lady who liked you too much. Come here. Just don't knock over that cord. Are you talking to me?

No. No, she's not. She's talking to your boy. Are you too sleepy to do it? I don't know if you're sleepy to do it. Do it. I don't know, man. I'm thinking there might be a whole lot going on.

When you're up for a nap, you end up doing the best damn Sam Elliott you can think of. You know, I've heard a lot, but I know that one of the cool, crisp Rocky Mountain waters. When you're David Borey, you're born in Colorado.

You're raised next to the wild Rocky Mountains. You're from Aurora. You've got a taste for Mountain Dew. You ever been to Sioux Falls? Sioux Falls, South Dakota. They've got a good sarsaparilla. Oh, man. Oh, man. Beaverton, Oregon?

I heard that's where the Ku Klux Klan live. I'm not too partial to white men. Tell Dan I said shout out to Horizon Middle School. Katie, tell Dan that. David says shout out to Horizon Middle School. Horizon Middle School. It's where the kids fight the security guards. Where you can get a cigarette off a sixth grader.

The best is that he didn't come onto the camera and stood with his arms behind his back like a dad and just looked down and did that whole thing. Bye, Dan. That was killer. Bye, Dan. That was killer. Bye, Dan. I like that it's like a man who might be in your house delivering like a Deep Rock water bottle.

Bye, Dan. I was like, come in, and he just stood there. Bye, Dan. Bye, Dan. Person I kiss. Bye, Dan. God, that was funny. Oh, that is a fucking excellent sam elliott yeah that was bad

santa claus for christmas candy time for your third pick oh i um this is i hate this show i love it but boy do i hate it um all right i i think I'm going to take... Now, Katie, are you having a tough time because I smell like a disgruntled Wendy's employee? Okay, I'll just take Yukon Cornelius. What are you talking about? Who is Yukon Cornelius? Yes. From the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer claymation movie.

He's Yukon Cornelius. He's the guy who's chasing the Yeti. Yeah. And he's got that big mustache that comes down his face. He's like another carton, yeah, that like squiggles out to the sides. He's like another, yes. He looks like he's one of the guys from Fleet Foxes

who's not like Father John Misty He like Like Yeah Yeah yeah He like looks like a hipster-y guy Yeah he looks like

Did I ever get drunk with you guys And say I was Father John Pistey Not yet Is that what you smell like I don't think I'm an aqua-digio man You gotta give it a fair shake You do It's been 20 minutes

You made a mistake It's a rookie mistake You might get a mistake. It's a rookie mistake. You might get a headache. That's actually a good heads up to you. I'm getting stoned. You might get a headache from how much you used. Yeah. I'm getting stoned right now.

I used to do that with my mom's perfume. You got Cornelius. Maybe the only red beard will get in this too. Maybe. Yeah, I had a number of others, which is why I was really torn. But I'm sticking to my... I loved that.

I love that claymation. So he, I just think it's great. It's a nice combination of a wacky mustache with just a normal beard. Yeah, it is. It's a dichotomy of the prison cell. I don't like the dichotomy of most prison cells, but this one I'm into.

I like it. Cool. Me gusta. Okay, so that's my pick. Oh, yeah. Excellent pick. He's now i haven't seen this particular claymation but i do know it from pop culture is this rudolph the red-nosed reindeer is this guy a good guy or a bad guy he's a listen okay good he looks like i have something to say

about this and it's not just because i smell like an over eager Russian exchange student. But I like that guy. An over eager Russian exchange student. Thank you. That's funny. Sean, that's really funny. Good job. I can't have that tone when I say something funny. That implies I never say funny shit.

That's so funny. Like Mandy Moore in that episode of Scrubs. That's really funny. That something funny. That implies I never say funny shit. That's so funny. Like Mandy Moore in that episode of Scrubs. That's really funny. That's funny. Scrubs is one of my favorite shows of all time. Thank you for bringing it up. I smell like Sean's first handjob at the skating rink, and that's the problem.

No, you don't. No, you don't. You smell like the third one. Was that one too far? Let's be honest. The first two were OTP. Yeah. Man, Katie, just hang out with us all the time.

Okay. What's next? I'm confused. Cart confused car wheel oh it's me all right uh you can't cornelius now it's time for my third and fourth picks as it is uh with my third pick damn okay i'm gonna take i'm gonna i'm gonna with these two picks i'm gonna go uh i'm gonna go two different ends of the spectrum. With the first one, I'm taking John Waters' mustache. Yeah. I figured you were going to take that sooner, honestly. That's very good. Thin.

Thin. Barely there. I hate it. I like to look at. I personally do not enjoy. I had a Samoan barber for a a time and he cut my shit too thin i but see i would trust i would trust a person who has a thin mustache because they have to the thing that bugs me about it is picturing them shaving the top and then stopping you trust that you're just

a man with a thin mustache i trust that they can they have to get that perfectly lined up precision yeah but that doesn't mean you don't listen. Don't. It's hard. I tried it one time. It's hard. If you've ever tried to shave any body hair into a strip, it's difficult to make sure it's even and it's not too thick, but it's not too thin. It's very hard to get your edges lined up and they do that perfectly on their face. either you can trust someone with a thin mustache or they'll never find the body yeah i don't trust them i trust them to cut my hair yeah absolutely or to help me hide a body as someone who smells like a guy who's gonna sell you a car stereo in a parking lot i will say that i forgot what i was gonna do after that joke

you're just doing that i. You're just doing it. I know what you're doing. It's my only bit, and I'm going to run it. You're just cranking them up. It's a really good bit. I'm going to run for it. I like the John Waters mustache fits everything about John Waters. Yes.

It does. Everything he's got going on, it plays into it. I would never have a John Waters mustache. That would be insane. The other things I would have to change in my life. Well, now you've said that on wax, so if you ever have one, we can pull this up and cancel you. You'll have one. You said you would never have one, and look what you did.

Ian Carmel says he'd never have a John Waters mustache. Well, what the hell is this? Oh, man. I'm fully prepared. Maybe I will. I don't think I could. I don't think my hair goes down far enough on my lip i think you could for sure you should try it today all right i will

try it i'll try it i'll try it today john waters mustache is it right for you i'll give it a try i just think it fits in bowling shirt slick back hair from baltimore john waters yeah i love it with a fourth pick so i'm going from one into the spectrum, extremely thin mustache. Now, I don't ride with this dude in a big way, but I do have to celebrate the commitment to the facial hair. I have to take James Harden's beard.

James Harden and his beard. To be in the NBA and one of the best players in the NBA and still just have that big, uncomfortable, ungainly, big-ass beard? As a fellow dark-skinned man with a weak chin, I think it's important. It's important to have those heroes out there.

Is that what it is? Does he have a weak chin? Yes. Have you seen him without a beard? He looks like a lady guidance counselor. I don't think I have. I know that sounds insane. I can't remember. Google it a lady guidance counselor. I don't think I have. I know that sounds insane. I don't, I can't remember.

Google it right now, Katie. I want to see your face. While we're Googling, if you haven't seen James Harden with a mask on, it looks like a full diaper. It looks like a baby with a full diaper hanging off of his face. Google James Harden no mask

because I want to see the same thing. Or no beard. I have those little gummies that have James Harden beards on them. Well see the same thing or no beard I have those little gummies that have James Harden beards on them well he does look weird with a mask on and it's a full baby's butt he looks completely different he looks like a mean kind and that's what I'm saying as a dude who came to his own when he made the beer beard wrap it I you gotta like for the community I love James Harden i also feel like any i respect anybody who finds their look yeah yeah yeah you were just saying that that completes his look

that thin mustache like this complete if he he looks a hundred percent better with like a very drastic change but he had to find that and then it's like that's what you're supposed to look like listen i know that i smell like a guy who's gonna sell you a fake rolex outside of a sally's beauty supply but like i do respect his whole situation i i would go so far as to say i would date bearded james harden i would not date beardless james harden no not that i would date an athlete because when you work in sports you can't even make jokes like that but it's nice to be able to do that here in this safe space. Also, beardless James Harden works at a Long John Silver's. Yeah, he does.

He's just the tall-ass dude dumping your fish sticks. Have you seen light beard James Harden? These are the heebie-jeebies. I don't like it. Yeah. Even that's weird. Yeah, it's weird. Who is that guy?

So weird. He could disappear. If he shaved his beard, he could disappear. Oh, for sure he would not know who that was that's hilarious he could like yo he could just be in tulum yeah who is that i don't know since you're taking his facial hair you also get bonus his little eyebrow thing i get his little eyebrow thing and you get that as an extra i also like and this doesn't we can't factor this into the pic but i do like that his he's kind of his forehead is

getting longer you know what i mean he's losing some hair with the big beard i just like the way he looks i like that hair though why do you think no him no i thought i was earlier in the year and it turned out to be a false it turned out to be a false you have a widow's peak you're like it's pretty i check on my friend's hairlines a lot just because i love you guys and stuff and like you're doing good we're doing all right out here great if i forgot thank you you guys do katie and sean also very good hair yeah i got my my hairline's a little i got baby hairs but there's nothing about it see i'm nice with it my shit my shit's like my shit if i let it go my shit's like low-key overgrown it's georgia the jungle out here who's that yeah yeah so i just like uh, I like that the NBA is starting to get more players

who look like they were in the 70s with like bald LeBron who just can't help it no matter what he does. He's gotta just get out of here. Cause Stan's it, dude. I'm telling you. Here's what I, and I've always said that.

I said this since I was like a teen. If you are showing, if your monkey's butt is like showing, like if you were showing any skin on the back of your shit no waves yeah no waves no way you cannot be wavy and have skin on the back of your shit it's like a sandbar yeah exactly exactly just like let it go you there's like there's rules to waves and that's like the main rule all right katie time for your fourth pick all right i i thought i knew what my fourth pick was going to be or my final pick but i thought it was gonna

all right i'm going to take because i have to because i feel like maybe people forgot about this and they shouldn't uh i'm going to take john travolta's weird circle on his chin. Oh, God. That shit is nasty. John Travolta. That shit is. In his dimple? For some reason. No, no, no, no.

I know what she's talking about. Chose to grow just the bottom of, it's like he tried to have a soul patch, but he missed. It's that nasty. He just had the tip of his chin, and that was it. You remember that. It was it And he was crazy

It was fucking weird It was so off-putting I remember it He wasn't off-putting though He was still eating three puddings a day But it was That's why they put you on TV Thank you

That guy is fucking weird travolta is fucking weird that facial hair was weird oh man katie's so funny man this uh yeah get it out of me it's awful it's insane who are you what are you trying to attract you need people in your life who say no and it's also it's not on his chin dimple it's under it so it's almost it's on the border of his chin and his neck which is also a choice like he had to try to decide where that spot was gonna go and he picked like it looks like a little here's what i don't know like an eraser for a dry erase board. I'm not 100% about the timeline on it, but here's my theory.

I think after he was in Swordfish, he got confused as to what internet culture was, and he thought he was making a bold move. He thought he was logging on. I think he was just factoring that facial hair into when we talk about Quentin Tarantino's best movies. That's definitely a negative for Pulp Fiction because it gave him the heat to try that facial hair out that he looks like he goes up to a dry erase board and just like uses his chin to wipe it clean it's not right it looks like scraps of something like it

looks it looks left over it's so uncomfortable have you ever like shaved your shit and then you're like tell your lady like hey come in look at my crazy vigil hair and then you finish and then you finish yeah that's what it looks like but he went to red carpets like that oh my god they were taking his picture it wasn't brunch maybe he was trying to get out of scientology sorry dude that's it you're out yeah we can't we stand for a lot, but not that. Sean, time for your fourth pick. Super Mario. Yeah, it's a good one. A very, very good one. Yeah. Mario, Mario, or Luigi Mario?

Tiny little video game mustache. Mario. It's also weird because it's not tiny, but it has like a flat end and then a cloudy end. It looks puffy. If you looked at it, he looks like he's got a big Cheeto on his... You just wonder what they were modeling that off of.

Whose mustache curls at the bottom like that? What the Japanese thought Italians looked like. Oh my God, I just snorted. That's so funny. Actually, I never thought about that. Jesus Christ. Should I be offended? Yes.

That is hilarious. Yes. It's a shot across the bow. Absolutely. It's like someone trying to cancel Columbus Day. That's the funniest thing I've heard somebody say in two weeks. Oh, my God. That's so funny.

Yeah. Super Mario, I think. Fuck you, dude. That's so funny. Pretty cut and dry on it? Yeah. It's you. It's funny because I laughed later.

Yeah. It's over. I'm sorry. Whose turn is it? Yours. Yours is it yours baby oh it's my last one uh we're and then we'll just say one okay yeah uh dr robotnik yes a fantastic pick yeah yeah man i forgot about his mustache right yeah and it was like it like, it was almost like the guy. It was like the man Ian picked, but like it didn't connect all the way. Yeah. It's a little bit between Ambrose Burnside and Yukon Cornelius.

I think so. A little bit of the same. Yeah. A little Cornelius. And that's like, and that was, I don't know the developers, but I believe that was the space they were trying to occupy.

Absolutely. Man. That's fantastic. And like I said, once again, I'm not an aficionado. I do smell like a dude who wants to do his mic cut out. God did that. That wasn't us. Censored.

You guys are always censoring David on this podcast. You're trying to shut me down for my ideas. I'll be taking them to sports with Katie Nolan. Then I'll say what I think about the Dominicans. There's a question mark in it if you could just be respectful. Katie, you know I can't read. You're going to do this in front of my friends?

You're right. I'm sorry. Your final lightning round pick? My final lightning round pick is Rick Ross. Just kind of what he did for the tomorrow. That's a good pick. This wouldn't happen if it wasn't for Rick Ross. Plus he has the necklace that has him with the beard on it.

Sean, your lightning round pick? Teen Wolf. A good pick. I almost took it third. I will not make fun of you for that pick. I'm making fun of us for taking it in the last round when we can't talk about it. I know.

I thought it'd be controversial. So I wanted to sneak it in. It is. And we can't say anything. And then your final pick. The one I want to pick is too long of a story. I'm going to take Ashanti's sideburns. Oh, I love that.

It was important for me on a visibility level. I understand. I understand. I looked at her in a video and I was like, oh my God. On a similar visibility level, my lightning round pick, Cara Delevingne. Those eyebrows, we just appreciate it. We just appreciate having it out there in the world. Hell yeah.

Finally, some supermodels and I have one thing in common. Sean, did you lightning round pick? I did, Teen Wolf. That's right, you did. Yeah, you didn't like it. I don't think you liked it, Katie. David, you went first. You took Frida Kahlo, Salvador Dali,

Fu Manchu, Dr. Robotnik, and Rick Ross. What a rogues gallery. You see us at the club, what you do? You took Alex Trebek, Walter White, Santa Claus from Christmas, Super Mario, and then Teen Wolf. Katie, you went third. You took Guy Fieri's soul patch, Walter White, Santa Claus from Christmas, Super Mario, and then Teen Wolf. Katie, you went third. You took Guy Fieri's Soul Patch, Sam Elliott,

Yukon Cornelius, John Travolta's weird little magic eraser, and then Ashanti's sideburns. I went last, and I took General Ambrose Burnside, Michael Jordan Hitler, John Waters, James Harden, and then Cara Delevingne. Fantastic. No Burt Reynolds. No Tom Selleck.

Stayed away. No Tom Selleck. No, sir. It was too easy. No hacks in this group. I'm saying. Proud of you guys. I almost took Yosemite Sam, whose whole face is a beard.

I didn't notice that until I looked this up. I'm like, he didn't have face. It was just hair. Eyes and a beard. That was it. Crazy. Wild shit. They were wild.

Also, do we still do what we missed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Davy Jones had that octopus beard. Oh, that's a great one. I really wanted to take that. Oh, damn. That is good. Blackbeard the pirate had firecrackers in his beard.

Wolverine, obviously, with the mutton chops. Yeah. Jafar had a great beard. Oh, his little prince goatee. He can have a goatee. You should have picked Jafar. Khaldrogo with the, his little prince goatee. He can have a goatee. You should have picked Jafar. Khal Drogo with the ponytail. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

In the beard. The only time that's ever been hot. Whoopi Goldberg's eyebrows. Yes, child. Technically is a lack of facial hair. It's like my mustache in that I get rid of it. I tried to get everybody to watch Sister Act 2 last night. They weren't into it.

You've been on that wave. Mugatu. Oh, damn. We've got Ron Burgundy. Ron Burgundy. Peter Gallagher's eyebrows. Yeah. You could take a nap in those things.

Fat Elvis. Vanilla Ice's eyebrows. Henry Cavill, who had to have his mustache CGI'd out of the Justice League for $3 million. The Lorax. Fam famous, you know, whatever. Oh, hell yeah. Brian Wilson, he was a relief pitcher for the, remember that guy with the really thick black beard? Oh, the beard. They called him the beard.

Yeah. And he had that guy the machine. That guy was pretty. Mr. Potato Head. Okay, Katie, you're better than us. Apollo Ono's soul patch. Shout out to my childhood crush. That shit started Yoko, was us. Apollo Ono's soul patch. Shout out to my childhood crush. That shit started. Yoko, was it Apollo Anton Ono?

Fuck yeah. I had such a crush on him. Also, David Letterman's new beard. Not bad. It's not a bad beard whatsoever. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at AFVpod on Twitter. AFVpodcast. What is it?

AFVpod on Twitter. AllFantasyAFVpod podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon for holding us down. Shout out to super producer Marissa Melnick. Shout out to

St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. I smell like a Canadian immigrant. David. that was a hate gun podcast