All Fantasy Everything - Ideal Post-Pandemic Concert Lineup of Only Women Musicians (w/ Charlotte Wilder, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)
Episode Date: May 27, 2021Happy Thursday fam! With live shows coming back we decided to draft our dream music festival/concert with an all female lineup!! Why? Because that's exactly what we need right now! Joining us... this week is the brainchild behind this fantastic draft idea, Charlotte Wilder! Episode Guest:Charlotte Wilder @TheWilderThings IG: @thewilderthingsSupport the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbags, watchalongs, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Merch: teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Podcast.
This is all Fantasy Everything,
the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything
from the world of pop culture.
On today's episode,
we're drafting the ideal post-pandemic concert lineup
of only women musicians, bands, and singer-songwriters
because concerts are coming back
and for god's
sake it's time to let the ladies get behind the mic it even feels condescending saying that for
time for those little ladies to get i oh my god right in right i it's i ian carmel
thinks men shouldn't be allowed to sing. There we go. All right.
There's the headline.
Our guest today is Fox Sports personality Charlotte Wilder.
Charlotte co-hosts the People Sports Podcast for Fox Sports,
where she takes a deep dive on the biggest stories in sports each week.
Also, we've run into each other at a couple of sporting events,
and she's absolutely wonderful.
We're so excited to have her.
I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and I'm joined, as always, by my friends and wonderful comedians,
Sean Jordan and David Borey.
Let's get into it. welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that's got the windows open and a nice little breeze coming in that's what's going on over here in los angeles
you're not wearing any pants is that what you're're getting at? I'm wearing shorts. I'm wearing a Lululemon short and workout shirt set because I got in already this morning.
I like that it's a set.
Yeah, man.
Shout out to the listener from Lululemon who keeps me laced in Lululemon.
I mentioned you guys on the Late Late Show a bunch and then the gap got in on it and then the
show got in trouble yeah wait what do you mean the gap can we talk about what yeah we can talk
about it charlotte by the way you don't have to wait to be like officially introduced you're yeah
i can talk your mic is hot as a as a woman you know we just wait to be allowed on stage you know
that's why i also i just want to say that um you having to introduce
the female only lineup is my fault because that's what i decided we're doing so that anybody wants
to yell at ian i never know if as a as a woman i'm being a good woman or a bad woman um so like
you can yell at me for being a bad woman if that's problematic somehow. I feel the same way about being a tourist.
Oh, you're a tourist?
I thought you were going to say a tourist.
I didn't want to bring it up.
And I feel the same way about being a tourist.
Am I a bad tourist?
Am I being a ridiculous tourist?
Is ice water something I need in Philadelphia?
Say that again?
Or is it something a shitty tourist gets?
Ice water.
That's what the...
Or water ice.
Sorry, not ice water.
Have you guys been watching Mare of Easttown?
Yes. Yes. Because I can't stop doing affiliates. I walk around the house going, ice. Sorry, not ice water. Have you guys been watching Mayor of East Town? Yes.
Because I can't stop doing affiliates.
I walk around the house going, I'm so glad to be home.
And it's really nice to be home.
So nice to be home.
It's so depressing, but so good.
Oh, yeah.
So good.
I'm going to go to Wawa and get a hoagie.
I'm going to get a hoagie and put some mustard on it.
He's been murdered.
They're going to get mad at me, but I'm going to say it.
I think Wawa is the most overrated sandwich
maybe in this country.
Heat!
That's how I feel.
I have no problem with that take.
That's how I feel.
It's a gas station ass sandwich.
It's a gas station sandwich that they're very,
it's better than most gas station sandwiches.
Is it?
If you tell someone from Philadelphia though, if someone asks what's Wawa and you say it's better than a most gas station sandwiches if you tell someone
from philadelphia though if you if someone asks what's wawa and you say it's a gas station they
will slit your throat they'll be like oh it is so that's like calling i don't have a good metaphor
in hand but like they're like it's it's a it's a convenience store it's a sandwich place but
the sandwiches are digitized you get to choose it on a little computer and i'm like i'm sorry
is this 2009 like is that supposed to be impressive listen you can put a you can put a picket pig in a suit he
still poops on the ground they have one of those soda machines that lets you pick what kind of
soda you want your soda cup peach mellow yellow wawa and dunkin donuts is the two most overrated. Okay, now you've overstepped. Okay, now you need to apologize, David.
I'm going to get a coffee at Dunkin'.
I don't know what accent that was.
I couldn't tell you.
I'm not regional yet.
Offensive.
There's a Dunkin' on the street near my house,
and I was raised in Portland, Oregon.
I have no connection to Dunkin' Donuts.
In fact, if anything, I've been conditioned
to only like very fancy, hipery instagram worthy donuts but it has a steady clientele of what i
assume is mostly new england transplants to los angeles i'm gonna go to duncan and get supper
we uh a few i guess in the middle of the pandemic at one point um drove up to my parent i'm from
outside boston and drove up there from new york where i live now and um i we went into a duncan
and my boyfriend who is not from boston at all it was it was like someone designed a boston
experience just for him like at one point you know we're like okay we'll get
some munchkins can we do can we do assorted and at one point the guy behind the counter looks at
looks at my boyfriend goes bro you know assorted means random right he was like it could be any
combination of these and we're like right no that's like what we want he was like okay even
just all right just check i'm just gonna put some in a bag and we're like right no that's like what we want he was like okay even just all right just
check i'm just gonna put some in a bag and we're like i was like welcome there could be bad ones
in there you know they could have you could get a plain one and we're and i'm like i like those
yeah some of them with donuts sometimes i'll put acorns i found behind the store in the bag
bro you know that means everything bro you know assorted means random right
that's so sick
i just wanted to be in it with you guys
like he just found out what assorted meant like earlier that day
it fucking blew my mind kid i could tell you right now
that's amazing so the gap so i would just during these loose monologues on the late late show
i just started mentioning how i i'd been sent free lululemon by a listener and then we talked
about it on the show and then the show tweeted the monologue and i retweeted it like at lululemon
and they never responded to it not a big
deal i don't need lululemon to cater to my every need as long as they cater as though okay it's a
surprise it's a national television show but the gap they decided to they saw that they saw no
return fire and they were like we'll slide right in oh they feel it they bridged the gap they were
the backdoor man they filled they got right they bridged they did bridge the gap. They were the backdoor man. They filled.
They got right.
They bridged.
They did bridge the gap.
And they sent us a bunch of free stuff.
From the gap?
From the gap.
They sent us a bunch of clothes.
A bunch of sensible denim jackets.
Yeah, I was going to say, like, reasonable.
It was all athleisure.
It was sweatpants, sweatshirts, like, kind like like kind of like workouty shirts and stuff like that and we all including uh sir james gordon himself wore it on the show he like stepped out
from behind his desk because he was wearing sweatpants because at this point we were just
fucking with like the vp of late night who sits in the studio this guy nick bernstein is very funny
and uh because we were just like talking about sponsors and whatnot like
get makes him very nervous so we just did it to fuck with him and then like i guess it came down
from from on high that it was like we had pissed off sales and like some of our sponsors and stuff
like that so really yeah dancing with the devil baby yeah we're dancing with the devil big and
the devil gave us free sweatpants which apparently is not worth almost getting fired speaking of athleisure um i want to say
you look great i've been following your health journey and it's been very inspiring and i'm
huge congrats thank you very much i did it for the athleisure because obviously
does not like fat people at all and as soon as i lost the weight i i i turn coated on my people
wait is lululemon a person no they're a brand oh man oh i was hoping there was like a mr lemon
that's the greatest thing i've ever heard right like lululemon please call me lulu mr lemon is
my father he used to have he used to have he used to own it was it was a contemporary of motown but they
it was mostly like latino hits yeah yeah you know what i mean
then he got into selling joggers out of the back of his cadillac yeah next thing you know here we
are yeah you know worked out for you you know people don't hear as much about the albuquerque
scene but it was popping too no it was huge it was hitsville it was hitsville usa too what are we talking about i don't know man we're
we're fucking random dude we're random dude we're assorted that's what we are
bro you know that means random right that guy who told us that means random, right? It's Sean Jordan. Sean is Jordan on Twitter.
Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.
Sean, about a month from being a dad?
Less than that?
I mean, for God's sake.
Yeah, man.
It's, you know, she could pop any time.
It's a pretty buck.
We got the go bag all packed.
That's what the doctors say, right?
I was like, yo, doc, when's she going to pop?
What do you got in there?
Like a gut and some cocaine? Yeah. Same thing as they did in goodfellas in different scenes
10 000 american 10 000 in euros and 10 000 in lira right yeah all i did was watch scorsese
movies to like pack the go bag and i was like i think i got i wouldn't worry there's like a
pink hearing in there yeah that's what they just showed in sex ed they just showed scorsese movies so that checks out
as far back as i could remember i always wanted to be a father
i actually bought an epidural off the dark web so i got that covered
i don't i don't want you on the dark web i don't know how to get on it
you know i used to think it was like you don't know how to i used to think the dark web was
like a google page but it was like black instead of white i thought the dark web was like a black
i thought it was just the dark web was like a google incognito search i thought yes that's
exactly what i thought you thought night mode on twitter was the dark web no shit when someone
showed me one of those i was like this is this feels like sinister this feels like i'm doing something wrong on incognito i really
thought that was like well you are you're looking for you're looking at videos you don't want people
to know you're watching the boobs yeah i got a baby she dude it could be like tomorrow it could
be two weeks you know if it's a girl or a boy girl Girl. You're going to be a girl, dad.
There's no other way it was going to shake out.
I'll tell you that. I'll guarantee you that.
I think there was one other way
it couldn't shake out.
No, there was no way I was having a boy.
Even Laura's brother, before we found out the sex,
Laura's brother was like, can't imagine you having a boy.
I was like, yeah, me either.
I don't.
I cry all the time.
Hey, boys cry. yeah, me either. I don't. I cry all the time. You know, I.
Hey, boys cry.
Yeah, I know. He used the quarantine to watch all of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude said goodbye.
Oh, a spoiler.
Do you really?
Yeah, I love Grey's Anatomy.
I love soap operas and romantic comedies.
Wow.
Love them.
Did you watch Firefly Lane on Netflix?
No.
So I just started the the oc which is absurd
by the way i didn't think it wasn't gonna be but wow okay yeah i have huge dawson's creek
when i was a kid you love firefly lane then man i'll watch it it's just awful i felt terrible
about myself binging that but i watched every episode and then Googled what happens at the end of
Firefly Lane.
So they leave you on a cliffhanger.
And I was like,
you kidding me?
I was like,
I sat through 10 hours of this just to not find out who died.
Is it a book?
Is it based on a book?
Obviously.
Yeah.
It's like,
you know,
it's like,
you know,
on the email.
Oh,
is it the one with Sarah Chalk and Catherine Heigl?
Yes.
Oh,
I did.
I forgot that was a name. I started the first, I watched the first episode Sarah Chalk and Katherine Heigl? Yes. Oh, I did. I forgot that was
the name. I started the first. I watched the first episode.
It's so bad, but I loved it.
I I'm not
feeling it a ton. I bet I'll go back.
It's terrible. It's objectively a bad joke.
That's what I'm trying to say.
She's been saying that the whole time and it's awful.
The whole point is it's not good and I'm
embarrassed, but here we are. Well, I love
Sarah Chalk from scrubs
uh so i you know she's the reason to watch she's why i watched it she's you do love sarah chalk
i've heard you say that love she's fantastic she's fantastic we can talk about this all day
you want should we change the podcast to like super day steak soap operas that we like i should
have drafted firefly lane and you all had to binge it last night before we did that we should
draft sarah chalk vehicles
sarah chalk vehicle sean do you have any shows coming up buddy nothing before this drops
unfortunately or nothing after this drops um you know so no just um i will i think there's it's
stand-ups coming back in portland like they're all outdoors but there's like five or six outdoor
shows happening weekly monthly so i'll make the
rounds i'll be home in a couple weeks trying to see you and possibly that baby and if not just
you did yeah that's gonna be uh that'll be like if she hasn't if she hasn't come out yet that'll
be like high alert like yeah we can get coffee but it's got to be in my yard yeah that kind of
thing that's where it'll be yeah the g uh
the g asylum is here that's me on instagram david borey that's me in the goddamn real world how are
you doing about it uh you know i also got the window open uh busy morning fun last night i'm
you know i'm out here have you got water on your computer at all recently uh i think i don't know
who it was but yeah i was it was under my chair i had
some people over i thought it would be fine i think it was like somebody kicked a beer over
or something and did this is not important no i don't have any shows there's no i don't have any
shows look at my instagram there will be some shows it's important maybe there's a new monthly
show coming to denver maybe hosted by a guy like me trying to bring some of the hits to town.
I don't know, man.
Is Malloy getting his fingers in the Denver honeypot, too?
Is that what's happening?
He's not getting his fingers in my honeypot.
Not my goodies.
Faded worldwide?
Sierra.
I said I'm not.
Is it dead or alive, by the way, this draft?
Oh, you said a pick.
Dead or alive, right?
Yeah.
It is dead or sick.
Don't you think?
I feel like that's...
Yeah.
Why not?
Charlotte, let me ask you this.
If the band is fronted by a woman, does that count?
Or does it have to be...
Yeah, that's fine.
...all female?
Like it can be like a dude on guitar or something?
Yeah, yeah.
That's fine.
Only dudes on keyboards.
Dudes on keyboards only.
It has to be a female drummer.
I call keyboards a guitar.
I've done it my whole life.
Dudes on guitars only.
Do they still teach people?
Are people still learning the guitar?
They never taught the guitar, man.
If you learn the piano, you just kind of get the guitar.
Did you take guitar lessons?
What's going on here?
I don't know because it's not the same hand placement, right?
I think you got to go on a vision quest.
I think you got to go on a vision quest to learn keytar.
You have to do ayahuasca before you're allowed to play the keytar.
Yeah.
Am I the only one who is pro keytar?
No, I'm into it.
I love it.
I love it. I'm majorly pro keytar. Get that. Get i just i love it i love it i'm majorly pro keytar get that get up get
about that stool man you know what i mean i want to see somebody do like a fats domino kind of
shred but on like oh yeah throw on that big blazer that skinny tie oh yeah get on that keytar yeah
yeah get those pixelated sunglasses.
Yeah.
Put on a show, for God's sake.
Yeah.
Get your 10 swatch watches and just party.
Just fucking live, dude.
Just fucking stand on the front of that yacht.
I don't even care if it's in the ocean.
It could be on a trailer.
Standing on the front of the yacht.
I don't know where I was going with that.
It's okay.
It's the writer's room, you know? We peed it out. Yeahetered out it's the writer's room you know we petered out yeah yeah
we got a white board you know yeah yeah yeah a cajun board
yeah
shout out to chalk i missed it shout out to chalk my name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel
on Jewish Portland's Palate Cookbook, which I will be cooking out of this weekend.
Yeah.
I just got a cookbook too.
Hell yeah.
Dude, it's cookbook days for real.
I've been cooking a lot.
Dude, I got Master of the Grill, the book.
Wow.
Based on the novel push by sapphire
it's good
master of the grill doling out the ham uh that's gonna be good man i can't wait to come to denver
and eat some of your grilled food you gotta come out man i've been doing nuts stuff with the smoked
fish yeah man doing fish stuff
oh yeah now you're my attention i got that i got that applewood smoked fish going on
oh i leave it out i get the i get the glaze on there it's it's a whole life
it's a whole applewood smoking i might even fuck with fish if that's how it's going i think that
you might like it i think that you might like my smoked fish.
Yeah, I'll try it.
I'm sure I won't like it, but I'll try it.
That's like the saddest plea ever.
I think you might like my smoked fish.
I just want him to eat something from the water once.
Sean has what we would generally call a limited palate when it comes to food.
It's expanding. I call it trash it comes to food it's expanding i call it
trash mouth yeah it's expanding it used to be something of legend now it's it's you know there's
veggies in there oh jesus it was that bad i'm trying it was pretty bad before i would get tacos
with like i like just give me the meat and cheese like absolutely nothing on a taco do you have
scurvy no i never did i never got scurvy or gout i somehow both of which i should have
by now you should be limping around on a peg leg yeah yeah i got i got pretty that's why i'm so
happy all the time now because i got i'm things i got pretty in a lot of ways.
I did.
That's so earnest.
It's just like most of the time,
people aren't earnest, and I love that.
I mean, I look at... I'm usually the most earnest person on a podcast,
so I think I just got great pleasure out of what you just said.
Listen, I believe in the importance of being earnest.
I believe in the remains of the day.
I believe in a room with a view. And I believe in the importance of being earnest. I believe the remains of the day i believe in a room with a
view and i believe in the importance of being earnest i believe in tuesdays with maury
i believe in calendar girls
oh i'm having a good time me too this is nice everyone
that person facilitating the good time is Charlotte Wilder.
And at Charlotte Wilder on,
hold on.
I have it right here on Twitter.
No,
the wilder things on Twitter.
I knew that.
And the wilder things on Instagram.
Yeah.
For God's sake.
People for a loop.
That was the name of my blog that I started when I was 19. And I just kind of rolled with it.
The wilder things.
The wilder things.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Was there ever any entertaining of where the wilder things are or anything
like that?
Did you decide,
did you shoot it down?
Yeah.
But some idiot had that blog spot already.
So I had to go with the wilder things.
Yeah.
No,
trust me.
I was like calling my dad.
I was like,
tell me about domain names.
And he was like,
well,
if someone has it,
you can't.
And I was like,
huh?
Thanks for calling your dad. Yeah. I cool good to know guess i'm gonna have to pivot here and ended up with what when i started
in sports someone was like oh are you gonna change your twitter handle now that you're professional
and i was like do you think i was like i was like okay first of all no second of all do you know how
hard i worked to build the wilder things brand third of all you think sports was like i was like okay first of all no second of all do you know how hard i worked
to build the wilder things brand third of all you think sports media is like a real profession
like are you kidding like you think i'm like the whole this is the only thing i could do like at
this point i backed myself into such a corner by being on the internet that like sports media is
the only profession i like these if i wanted to be a lawyer like law schools would look at my at the internet and be like oh absolutely not like 100 no so i was like
we're just like if leaning into this is what got me here i'm going full cheryl sandberg so yeah
it is funny to think about like if i had a job interview they'd be like
says here you've never done drugs and And I went back and listened to episode 150.
And you openly admit to like you talked about your drug test on.
Yeah.
You made fun of us because you accidentally passed your drug test.
Right.
Exactly.
I worry about somebody would be like, oh, you were talking racist about alligators on Conan O'Brien.
Now you'll never be a marine biologist yes you will yes you will that's the only other career i ever imagined no attitude to have yeah you keep smoking fish you'll get there
oh boy charlotte what do you what do you what do you want to what can you point people towards
where can people find more of your wonderful work?
Well, thank you.
That is very kind of you to say.
You can, I mean, it's all on the internet.
This is where my work is.
It's on the websites and the apps. I host a podcast with Mark Titus for Fox Sports,
which is called the People's Sports Podcast.
And we just announced that we're doing a road tour this fall.
So we're going to be at a bunch of different college football games, doing live shows,
which I'm super excited about as someone who always like wanted to perform but couldn't
sing.
So this is like my revenge on every high school talent show.
You're going to have so much much fun it's so much fun
and if it's anything like our tour you're gonna get really drunk yeah i mean that's what so i feel
like i'm i'm 32 now and this will be the first you know the pandemic sort of was like the the
before and after and i feel like i'm this is i'm dangerously close to the point where i'm like
trying to be healthy do you know what i mean where i'm like i don't like i know exactly what you mean
you know and like before this i would just be like sure let's like let's go drink everything
in the city and now i'm like oh man if i want to do this for like weeks on end i'm gonna have to
actually because like you know your body starts giving out on you like it's no joke into my brain
you're that's exactly so it's like this it's no joke. Dude, you crawled into my brain. That's exactly.
So it's like this.
It's going to be, I'm going to have, I'm sure I'm going to have like one or two nights where
I just go completely off the deep end and then wake up the next morning.
I'm like, we can't do this anymore.
We did two weeks of it.
And there were just some nights where I'm like, I can't get drunk.
I'm drinking.
And then I just feel bad.
Oh, physically you can't. drunk. I'm drinking. And then I just feel bad. Oh, physically you can't.
No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you hop in the car,
and it's like,
there's no proper way to process
the night before what you put in your body
because you just hop in the car
and you're eating gas station food,
and then you get to the hotel,
you check in straight to the next show.
Sounds fun in theory.
There is.
We went nuts.
I will say that.
I've been on a shit ton of tours.
We went nuts. That was like the first thing. I mean, every once in a while, say that I've been on a shit ton of tours we went nuts
I don't know you sprinkle them in you sprinkle them in yeah pick your spots you have your like
you have your like three cities that you're excited about then just don't go nuts in Milwaukee or you
have 10 of them huh everything in Everything in moderation, including moderation. Am I right?
Including moderation. Oh, man. I'm not a tattoo person, but if I were,
that'd be the next one. I heard that. I think my mom said that to me at one point in high school,
and I was like, oh, you shouldn't have told me that. I was like, that's my get out of jail
free card now, baby. Here we go. Plus, it's from your mom.
Yeah, my mom's cool my mom's like
my mom's cooler than i am probably but you know i got that going on too yeah yeah yeah
carmel's real fun she just came to visit my family came to visit and she got off the plane
i'm gonna say four gin and tonics deep because she flew my sister down first class and she was
like well i'm gonna make that flight is
like an hour it's two hours that's amazing she's like i'm getting my money's worth so her and my
sister were both a little tipsy on gin and tonics just giggling the whole time the whole car ride
back i'm like white knuckling on the la freeway and they're just like like laughing like they're
watching like richard prior doing stand-up it was amazing that's what they were watching Richard Pryor doing standup. It was amazing. That's what they were watching on the plane.
They probably were.
Just laughing about doing mud bone quotes in the car.
I can't believe he went to Africa.
Charlotte, you had the wonderful suggestion for this topic.
I'm so excited for it.
I might play on hard.
I think I'm going all no men in any of the
bands okay there's one there's one there's one band that i really wanted to get in there and uh
well whatever i just i really enjoy the draft man let's get to the draft yeah just want to explain
why i chose this because over i realized that over the past year the the musicians who got me through this year were all women and my spotify
like top playlist from 2020 i was like this kind of rules and there are so many good ones and i
feel like when you do you know like ideal concert lineup i don't know it's just sort of fun i was
like i would love to see a show of all these women um without you know like machine gun kelly in between absolutely yeah i
would really love to see any show without without if you were to show i do i that's a bad example
because he does have a few bangers i like it but if you would have showed me he had a song with
waka flaka like 15 years ago and if you would have been like that guy is going to be around
15 years from now and he's going to be extremely successful. Are you talking about that Wild Boys song?
Yes, I am.
I don't know that song.
Cat Williams was in the video.
But I'm just saying, if you would have said this guy, MGK, would have been around 15 years from now and wildly successful, I would have said you are full of shit.
And dating Megan Fox.
And dating Megan Fox, and here we sit.
And he was in The Dirt, which is your favorite movie.
I know he was in The Dirt, David.
He was in Roadies, which that Cameron Crowe uh show was pretty good i didn't see it i didn't know any
of that it was like uh less like a it was like an episodic almost famous if not as good as almost
famous kind of same thing nice well we're not gathered here today to talk about bad versions
of almost famous but we are gathered here today to draft ideal post-pandemic concert lineups of only
women musician band singers songwriters and the way we determine the order of that draft is through
a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you and we throw on shoot
here we go rock paper scissors shoot charlotte wins great now charlotte as the winner of rock
paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order
of today's draft but before you do that I will remind
you it is a serpentine draft
and what is that that's a great question
David a snake draft well it's kind of
like the snake draft it's the snake draft
she's got it Sean
do you need me to sportsplain snake drafts
to you please I yeah
just to make sure so people don't think we're
mansplaining,
this is a recurring bit
that we've done 180 times
where Sean has to come up
with a new version
of explaining
what a serpentine draft is.
Oh, yeah, let's do it.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's usually bad.
It's usually...
Don't say.
Let me stop you right there,
Cartwheel.
It's usually pretty good
if you let it be.
So...
I don't know
if that's how good works.
Now, David, i'll thank you
does not not talk during my time i'm trying to explain uh serpentine or snake it's sort of it's
sort of like if you were to lace your shoes the run dmc way so they had their straight across
laces they didn't kind of go diagonal so what you would do is you'd start at the bottom and
you'd lace over left to right and then you would go up one under one eyelet on
the right hand side and then you'd pop out and then you'd go right to left so that they look
like a ladder yeah so it looks like a ladder it's like back and forth a little you know over up over
up just kind of like that kind of kind of serpentine now you did you tell me that wasn't
solid gold david oh that was you explaining it that was me explaining it oh i thought you were
just telling us that.
It's funny.
I've done it plenty of times where people look at me like,
are you a moron?
And I'm like, it's a joke.
It's what we got to do.
That's part of the deal.
I'm at work right now.
Basically, if you pick fourth in the first round,
you pick first in the second round.
With that in mind, Charlotte,
what will the order of today's draft be?
second round with that in mind,
Charlotte,
what will the order of today's draft be?
Um,
I can't decide if I want to go first or if I want to go last and then pick twice.
I want to go last and pick twice.
There it is.
Charlotte in the hot corner.
I want to be in that corner and I'm going to be pissed if one of you takes
my first choice first and then mad at myself.
Now you're dancing with the devil.
I know.
I'm just,
I'm just want you to know my emotional, like's on the line where i'm at emotionally determine the order of everyone
so what will the rest of the order be okay david's gonna pick first yes sean's gonna pick second
because i feel bad about making fun of your run dnc joke and then first of all thank you but don't
feel bad about a single thing these two
make fun of me relentlessly that's not true and then ian you're gonna go third because you invited
me to do this so this is your punishment for inviting me on the podcast yeah dude he never
goes third this is never good i'm right i'm shaking like a salt shaker this is dope getting
fucking claustrophobic in here. All right. All right.
I'm pitting out.
All right.
Charlotte, you have the first pick, which we will get to right after this short break.
No, I have the first pick. No, I don't.
Oh, shit.
Charlotte's got the last pick.
Shit.
Marissa Leap.
Do most of your guests pick going first?
Huh?
A lot of them do.
No.
Do they?
Well, here's my thing.
A lot of the guests don't win rock, paper, scissors, honestly.
So David and I will normally pick the order. David's really good at rock, paper, scissors. do they well i here's my thing a lot of the guests don't win rock paper scissors honestly so david and
i will normally pick the order um david's really good at rock paper scissors david sucks a gift
and a curse he wins every time dude it's weird it shouldn't be the case but he does he just lost
what's up once except from the proves the rule uh all right david you have the first pick which
we will get to right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel.
If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life.
You drop everything you're doing.
Just go to a brand new country.
You figure it out from there.
But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley.
All right?
You're not Jason Bourne.
You can't do that.
Two Damon movies.
I'm out here.
Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world
knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one.
Get it done with Babbel. Babbel is going to help you the quickest way possible. You speak
like a whole new you when you got Babbel. It's science-backed language learning app,
and it's going to get you talking fast. It had science-backed. What else do you want?
Wasting hundreds of dollars on private tutors. That's the old school way of learning a new
language. Babbel, they have these 10-minute lessons. They're quick. They're handcrafted
by over 200 language experts, and they're ready to get you talking in three weeks,
ready to get you speaking a new language. I should say speaking a new language. You don't talk a language. Anyway, talking is the key to really knowing any language. You have to,
you got to do it. You got to be saying it out loud. And Babbel, they have tools. They have
tools on the app where you can speak the language. They'll help you with your accent. There's things
where on the app, they will talk to you and then you can decipher what they said.
It's all the real world applications that you're going to need to actually use it.
Babbel's tips and tools, like I said, they're grounded in real life situations. Everything's
focused on conversation. So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's
the key. Conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute
segments. They're perfect for, say, someone like I said, little 10-minute segments,
they're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes,
in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale,
Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college, which, come on, that's a no-brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there.
And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60%
off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again,
get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash allfantasy.
Rules and restrictions may apply.
This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35.
Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer.
I have never heard a bad word about it.
And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35,
our partner in getting things
done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus.
It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't
that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind.
Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done.
There's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science
and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days.
And you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma
attached with things
like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science and
real-world benefits of psilocybin, of which there are a ton. And they also want to make it accessible
for everyone. Each order ships discreetly. No one's going to get in your business. No one's
going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track.
So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride.
I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to
be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy.
This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Policy Genius.
Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick.
Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age.
That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life
insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life
insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.
Some options offer same-day approval
and avoid unnecessary medical exams.
So I have life insurance.
It had nothing to do with me.
It's my wife did everything,
but it's tough.
It's a hassle to go through and get.
You have to research it,
which I don't like researching anything.
If I buy something,
I just go into the person that works at the store and say, what is right in the middle? What's not the best? What's
not the worst? And that is how I do it. With life insurance, obviously, you want to be a little bit
more careful about that. But how do I know where to start? You know what I mean? I have no idea
what to do, where to look. Nobody does. And that's what Policy Genius does. They just go in,
they find and compare all the best quotes
for you. They just go to all the nation's top insurers, and then they give you your best
options. They're just a few clicks, and then you're going to find your lowest price.
And their expert license support team is your advocate. They work for you. They're not getting
bonuses. They're not getting anything like that from certain insurance companies. They're not
out there being smarmy. They just want to help you out. They're answering the questions, handling
the paperwork, shaking the hands, kissing the babies. They're doing it all for you.
And if you don't have life insurance, I know it sucks to talk about or to think about,
but you're just going to stick people with the bill. You're going to stick your loved ones with
the bill. Don't nobody want to do that. You know what I mean? Get covered. I don't want anyone inheriting my debt. And then they see what I spent money on,
probably. I don't need all that nonsense in my life. Get it covered. Get an insurance policy.
Get it handled. And like I said, Policy Genius gives you unbiased advice from
a licensed expert support team. They have thousands of five-star reviews on Google,
Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their
service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on
Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it
easy with PolicyGenius. Head to PolicyGenius.com or click the link in the description to get your
free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save that's policygenius.com yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast
to ever exist except of course for the people's sports podcast on fox sports where you can listen
to charlotte and who's who's on there with mark titus mark titus club trillion himself
yeah talk about the weak sports but it it's that. Those are the two.
It's the People's Sports Podcast.
It's all fantasy, everything.
If you've heard a podcast, it's one of those two things.
Those are the only podcasts.
I gotta ask.
I feel like this is the window.
How often do the Hornets come up on your show?
Hardly ever.
What?
There's a Hornets jersey in the background.
I want them to come up all the time.
I had like seven Hornets jerseys.
They came up the other day because I'm wearing this in the picture that we put out for announcing the tour.
And someone responded and was like, I thought both because Mark went to Ohio State and he was wearing an OSU sweatshirt.
And I'm wearing that Charlotte jersey.
And someone responded and was like, at first I was like, oh, cool.
They're repping both of their schools.
And then I realized you're just wearing a jersey with your name on it.
And I was like, yeah, that's sort of how my brain works.
Yeah, you and DaBaby.
You're in good company.
Exactly.
There you go.
I would absolutely wear it.
If there was an Ian, I would definitely wear it.
Yeah.
There was Sean.
If Sean had Muggsy Bogues on it, the Sean Hornets, forget about it.
Even if it was like a crap town team, I would do it.
Like if it was like the Sioux Falls Davids, I'd still wear it.
Yeah.
Totally. There are a bunch of Sioux Falls Davids and they think i'll tell you that right now wow that'd be baller sioux falls davids that sounds like a barnstorming baseball team where like all
of them had mustaches the boys went to war there was like a goat on the team or something
it's like field of dreams and and it's like Sue S-U-E
Falls, David.
Sue Falls,
David.
They will come, Ray.
Sue Falls, David.
Is that the one? No, A League of Their Own. That's what I'm thinking of.
I get those confused all the time.
Field of Dreams and A League of Their Own?
No, who's problematic? It's you.
Yeah, I said from the beginning I'm a bad woman so I just
No one can tell me I'm sexist
I'm like yeah obviously
I'm trying my best guys I don't know
Do you want to hear the one impression I can do?
Yeah
There's no crying in baseball
Oh Tom Hanks
Little bit
That's pretty good
He's in there
Let me try All the way may Tom Hanks. A little bit. That's pretty good. I hear it. A little bit. He's in there.
Let me try.
Let me try.
All right.
All the way, May.
Remember that was Madonna in that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She was all the,
because she's promiscuous, they said.
I recall.
Okay.
They showed, too,
the first rule of filmmaking.
David Moore, you have the first pick in the ideal post-pandemic concert lineup.
Living or dead?
All female.
All women.
Female.
I sounded like a dude on Twitter telling people to have a billionaire mindset.
All female.
You gotta grind.
I said this is a trap for three dudes.
I'm stepping in it.
I'm stepping in it left and right.
Oh my God.
I'm gonna kill it.
David's the only one I'm nervous about taking my pick, though.
Well, Sean's about to be a girl, Dad.
David, you have the first pick.
It was always going to be Whitney Houston.
God damn it.
It was never not going to be Whitney.
I know that.
I've gone in so many times about how I feel about her, her personality and catalog.
Yeah, Whitney Houston, man.
Of course.
Yeah.
Is she closing?
She's probably my headliner but i can't yeah
but i want to be like a mix right like i want like i'm your baby tonight and heartbreak hotel
as well as like where do broken hearts go yeah uh saving all my love for you i just the whole
bodyguard soundtrack don't you dare tell me any of those songs aren't making it. I mean, I think I would just have
I Will Always Love You. I love Whitney
so much. Like that album and then like
yeah.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
I want to dance with somebody. How will I know?
How will I know?
That was sort of the only correct
first choice.
Yeah.
We all knew that.
As soon as I saw the Oh, it was, it was, right? Like we all knew that, right?
As soon as I saw the topic,
it was, it was already.
I know.
It's the first pick.
It's the Christian McCaffrey.
Is that a,
is that the football player
they'd pick for?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Wow.
It's the James Harden
in a fantasy basketball draft.
Is he the first?
Trevor Lawrence would be
a reliable fallback.
Okay.
Just in general. Really? As a first pick. Like it was never not going draft? Trevor Lawrence would be a reliable fallback just in general.
Really? As a first fit.
It was never not going to be Trevor Lawrence.
There you go. In a real draft.
I was talking about a football fantasy draft.
Doesn't Christian McCaffrey like somebody?
Yeah.
Trevor Lawrence is the name of someone who was in a boy band
and then went solo after a while.
I went to Trevor Lawrence, dude.
It's Sarah Lawrence's brotherah lawrence's uh brother
no dress code at trevor lawrence bro
major in men's studies at trevor lawrence
i was in hemingway hall dude yeah we have these two framed um uh like uh essentially like powerful
women of history posters that we put right above the changing table for our daughter and i was
telling laura i was like i was like i'm gonna get a straight white guy version of that and hang it
up right next to it really good with like jeff bezos it's like jeff elon
we were talking about the bit like if somebody if we invited people over like and i had that
actually above my daughter's changing table i was like yeah you know just want to just want
to get her set up on the right foot wanted to even it out also why isn't there white entertainment
television you know i i do feel that if you like i don't think there's anything wrong with why isn't there white entertainment television?
I do feel that if you like,
I don't think there's anything wrong with raising a girl to be like, be the next Bill Gates.
Like,
I don't think men should be the only ones allowed to do the shitty things.
Right.
Like that's what it comes down to.
Like,
if you want to be an asshole,
you should also be allowed to be a woman who's an asshole.
And be very rich because of it and i know
that there are some but i know a couple broke ones i'll tell you that out of personal experience
there's broke women plenty of them that are assholes for your daughter to become the next
scott rudin just throwing baked potatoes at people producing every movie i like yeah i'm voting for
your daughter to be the next rick rude so yeahishing. She will be ravishing.
I like the idea of you having that straight white men of history poster up on the wall
being like, see, your old dad's not so bad.
Yeah, I'm a cool dad.
And then you're like, it's ironic
for anyone who gets mad about it.
He's in Portland.
You can get away with calling anything ironic.
I'd just kick him out immediately with a gun if they got mad about it. Get's in Portland. You can get away with calling anything ironic. I'd just kick him out immediately with a gun
if they got mad about it.
Get out of here.
There's a gun.
If you have a poster of straight white men on your wall,
you definitely own a gun.
I mean, does the Joker count as a straight white man?
Joker?
Does the Joker count as a straight white man
or was he just kind of fluid?
I could see the Joker getting down wild sexually.
I could see him like Prince.
I bet you Prince and the Joker would probably, if they were in the same universe joker jack nicholson's the joker was straight he was
straight for sure yeah i think heath ledgers was uh just an agent of chaos he was probably a virgin
no no my cat is doing the cutest thing he's my one of my cats now he's covering his eyes with his
paw oh yeah, my goodness.
That's their thing, man.
They do that.
It's the best move, too.
Is it to keep the light out?
That just makes me melt.
I just got a kid, and I'll go get her at the end of the podcast.
Eddie.
Eddie.
She's so cute.
Yeah, little Eddie.
Eddie and Beetlejuice, man.
You said the juice wasn't happy about Eddie.
He's coming around.
He's coming around.
He's into it now.
He's into it now he's into it now he had a day he and he got it you know we gave him a day to be just pissed just be surly about it yeah he made noises like marge simpson all day he was just like
just all day pissed ate his food slow as to demonstrate how upset he was he like ate his food slowly at us
that is like i'll eat it i'll eat it i'll eat it yeah but on my on my time now he's chilling dude
he's back on the couch he's got his nintendo switch out so whitney houston whitney houston
i get you so like i mean outfit changes during this yeah come on full set right full set full
set full outfit changes backup dancers maybe even bobby comes out for a duet they sing something in
common that song the one song they did together that was really bad are we thinking are we now
like we have to be strategic about this too now that you got whitney like you're gonna you're
gonna have yourself like a diva. If you get another couple
divas in there, they might not.
I know.
Okay.
But yeah, Whitney.
I'm talking Prime 2.
I'm talking 93 Whitney.
I'm thinking like a white power suit.
I'm thinking like
you guys are going to see why I chose
to go last if you don't screw this up
for me.
Ian just said white power so close together.
I was like, somebody can clip that out.
White power suit.
Whitney Houston known for her white power suit.
The thing is, it was so close together.
It was so tight.
It's just a denim vest with a screwdriver patch on it.
All right, Sean, it's time for your
first pick whitney houston the first pick off the board time for your first pick well obviously
whitney was gonna be my first pick i need a closer and um i am going with a hit machine
somebody that i love and i think would be real fun to see do all the bangers i'm gonna pick mariah carey oh for my for my closer um
not as many newer songs as i would love but there's still like you want the new stuff enough
like heartbreaker and stuff well like one of the newer songs i think for mariah carey it is but
then you get all i want for christmas which i'm thrilled about and then you get what the fuck are
you talking david this is my dream.
It's my festival, not yours.
You haven't done All I Want for Christmas at a festival set?
Of course I am.
Of course I am.
That's the last song of the night.
On the last, she closes with All I Want for Christmas.
What the fuck are you talking about?
In July.
You're not allowed to draft any more women.
You can only draft men now.
You get Dreamlover, the you're not allowed to draft any more women you can only draft men now you get dream lovers fantasy notes she can hit you want her to end
with all I want for Christmas is you
that's one of my favorite songs in the world she obviously
ends with always be my baby
yeah well there's those
bangers I could end with emotions
when she hits that yeah
we should make this into a playlist this would be a sick
playlist somebody will
well hopefully they usually do
on Spotify when we do music stuff
I was half serious about All I Want for Christmas
I think you were so serious
you were 100% serious
don't let us
push you around no I was only half serious
you're not wrong
you would be disappointed if she didn't play it and you would be so thrilled if she did she's playing
it but she's not gonna close i honestly i don't i just thought of it as we were talking but the
closing what i originally thought was those three bangers was uh fantasy dream lover and always be
my baby because those came out like real close to each other and they're all like perfect songs
yeah so i think that's the closing run but yeah i want to hear all i want for
christmas but it doesn't go at all with this the like i don't know it just wouldn't go but i'd want
to hear it because it's my fucking festival so i do want to hear it because it's a sean jordan
post-pandemic festival port fest yeah yeah oh my gosh shout out to the people that got those two
tattoos man that was dope i almost cried that was crazy wait did the people that got those two tattoos, man. That was dope. I almost cried. That was crazy.
Wait,
did two people get the Hort tattoos?
Yeah.
Two friends.
Wow.
Yeah.
One of them's moving,
I think from Arizona to North Carolina,
I believe.
And they got matching Hort tattoos.
They got Hort.
I showed Laura,
I was like,
holy buckets.
This is like,
yeah,
I don't know.
Charlotte,
this is based on a story where back in middle school,
Sean,
when he was a crip,
told somebody that they had Hort.
You got Hort. This is true. It's a lot to back in middle school, Sean, when he was a crip, told somebody that they had a hort. You got a hort.
This is true.
It's a lot to unpack.
There's a whole bunch there.
But I got beat into a gang when I was like 12 or something.
You got beat off into a gang.
I got beat off into a gang.
No, I got beat off.
We got a weird gang, dudes.
So much better than getting beaten to a gang.
And the one we think is weird is the happy one.
Can you guys just beat me off into the gang?
Can you do that?
My cousin said this is how we're supposed to do it.
I misunderstood.
He's from St. Louis.
He really got beat off into the gang.
Just these hard ass dudes.
Anyway.
Mariah Carey.
Take initiation ceremony.
It's just a circle jerk.
It's just like, what'd you do to the side yard?
Are you ready, Sean?
They all got the gangster hands
like, what's up? Come on outside.
He's got his chin up, but he's kind of like...
Like lotion.
What was...
There was that...
There was that Mariah Carey song that had Jermaine Dupri in it.
Sweetheart, maybe?
Always be my sweetheart.
Oh,
we will share a storybook
romance
there was that dude with no shirt on
she was on the back of his bike in the video
you guys remember that?
it's a dope song but I can't remember
the name of that there was Heartbreaker
and then like all the late 80s
early to mid 90s stuff
I just think she'd bang it out
like closing right just after the sun sets and she comes'd she'd bang it out like closing right you know just
after the sun sets and she comes on and just kills it for like an hour and a half like all all
thriller no filler kind of thing because that's what's happening so yeah mariah care mariah
mariah oof time for my first pick all right all right this is tough it's hard to open
it is well after you take whitney it's like
that's the so far clear choice i think and everyone else is like a distant second as far as
i was going closer for like you got to get a you need the headliner you know i gotta take a big
swing i gotta take a big swing here and it's it's i'm hopefully hopefully Charlotte, I'm hoping you don't take who I really want with
my number one pick.
Okay.
So I'm going, I think I'm going value over heart or Hort on this one.
I got to take, I got to take Beyonce.
I'm taking Beyonce.
Sure.
Absolutely.
For my, you're smiling like you weren't going to take Beyonce.
So you just got your two picks.
You want to go in a little weird with it.
I'm, this is, so is so i i i'm kind
of glad you took beyonce because i couldn't justify not taking beyonce if she was still on
the board you know what i mean yeah like i wanted her well you get the rest of destiny's children
with her i believe they come with that's just kind of part of the deal yeah i wanted i wanted
to have her but i was also like i i had the same conundrum that you did as i was like it's something
you know like what is so that's I kind of am bad at making choices,
which is why I made myself go last
because it eliminates three of them.
Brilliant.
Now, having said that,
Beyonce is a fucking legend on stage.
Yeah.
I was going to say a show.
Never seen, but word is,
it's like the best live show there is right now, right?
I saw her perform hella pregnant
at the grammys and it was like that alone was like one of the coolest performances i've ever seen
homecoming which we we beat for an emmy i will i i will sprinkle that in there we did we did
beat that the paul mccartney cordon meets mccartney if he beat homecoming for an emmy
no but the homecoming at like that coachella that show was fucking amazing
she's got so many bangers there's a chance destiny's child shows up there's a chance jay-z
shows up and there's gonna probably be a marching band there's gonna be like step lines it's gonna
be percussive and amazing there's gonna be outfit changes she's gonna fight she's there's gonna be
wind machines she's just gonna fucking own it even if you don't consider yourself that much of a beyonce fan you see her live and you're like oh
i'm wrong i was wrong about that everybody who doesn't people aren't beyonce fans until like
six songs come on you're like oh there's too many hits to not like six okay you know you're like you
can't not be yeah it's yeah you are a beyonce fan you that you like like
you're a beatles fan like you are a beyonce she's just dope even if you're not like even if the
music doesn't get you somehow like if i don't know that how that's possible but even if it doesn't
mean if you're a fool who she is you're damn fool i mean i don't know how anyone could hear hold up
and not be like oh okay this is the greatest thing that's why i was gonna have to take her because like that one song for some and everybody has that one beyonce song that to them
they're just like oh yeah okay obviously you know what i mean i think that's my favorite one too
i think that's my favorite beyonce song god it's so good i can't i can't think of a favorite
that's amazing and then you listen to that when you go for a walk you feel fucking cool you feel
cool you do feel cool it's dangerous when i feel cool when i'm walking because then i start i get
i can look real dumb real quick when i feel too cool when i'm not walking around do you ever like
throw a spin in dude i sometimes i get like yeah sometimes i like skip a little bit oh yeah yeah i
put my shoulders back if i'm feeling
real cool yeah i don't slouch like i'm always doing oh and she just got like that like at such
a young age already has decades of hits which is like we're talking about hits since 96 when did
when did that first destiny child album come out yeah probably 96 no no no no no was that the first
hit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah then we say no no no
no no yeah maybe we've talked about this before did you guys have a feeling that right away pretty
clear that she was who she was she was going to be beyonce it was real clear real quick once they
had her on smart guy i was like this woman is off to the races. I was pretty locked into like corn around that time.
So I had like corn opinions,
but I didn't really have strong Destiny's Child opinions.
Dude, we talked about corn the other night
for like 45 minutes.
Who's we?
Me and Kyle and Simon.
Me and my unborn daughter.
I just, I was like, Laura, can you just like,
if you don't want to hear my corn speech
that I'm going to give her right now
you were playing that corn baby Einstein CD
I just did that for 45 minutes
is that what that music is
part of it Jonathan Davis is a real
whatever that is
if you could play a corn song and I would have no idea
that it would I've never heard a single
corn song
you could beat the shit out of me with a
corn song and i wouldn't know what happened same i wouldn't i wouldn't know a corn song if it hit
me over the head how do you guys express when you feel like a freak on a leash feeling like a freak
on a leash i hate this i'll say this confidently as someone who spent a lot of time in his life
listening to corn your lives are better for not having corn yeah you're all right you're doing
all right yeah i wouldn't sweat that one we're gonna we're gonna go no carb on this music diet of time in his life listening to Korn, your lives are better for not having Korn in there. Yeah, you're alright. You're doing alright.
I wouldn't sweat that one bit. We're gonna go no carb on this music diet then.
Carb with a K.
Yonce, all on my list like liquor.
Charlotte, time for your
first and second picks.
My first pick,
I'm going Tina Turner.
Yeah.
Yep.
I thought I could get it second god damn it yeah no yeah of course it was never happening and that was a calculated decision
because i was like they're all gonna want her but they're not gonna take her first and i'm gonna
take her first and then go second and get the ones yeah you know i got to see what's love got to do
with it live i would explode what's love got to do with it live. I would explode.
If I saw what's love got to do with it.
And then the best back to back.
Oh my God.
My mind.
I want to see private dancer.
Private dancer.
Dancing for money.
Do what you want me to do.
I've been listening to her a lot this past year.
Like Tina has been in heavy,
heavy rotation.
And that my pandemic lineup is like the people who really who got me through this year uh assuming none of you
guys take them before me um but which is why this is tough because it's balancing like hits with
the people that you know so but and but tina's like fits both of that where she's like a superstar
that i listened to a ton this past year that I am super psyched to have headlining posthumously my concert.
My girlfriend just texted me, is everything okay?
Yeah, I feel like she's going to, maybe Beyonce, but Tina Turner is going to give you the most emotion out of this performance, I feel like.
You're going to lose your mind at my concert.
It's probably the only one that would make me cry.
Maybe, like, you know, I bet I'd cry if I saw Tina Turner and not any of the other ones yet. you're gonna lose your mind it's probably the only one that would make me cry maybe like you
know i bet i'd cry if i saw tina turner and not any of the other ones yet oh my god yeah she's so
she's the consummate fucking rock star she's so good and like going back to like some of the ike
and tina stuff like she'd do river deep mountain high she'd do proud mary she'd have she'd wear
chain mail dress she probably like
maybe a couple different wigs she's fucking amazing he could like she could do it on outfit
changes alone like she could not sing but just stand there and like change clothes a few times
and i'd still be like emotional i would just want to hear her talk yeah i just want to hear
right you better be good to me and she's the most rock starry so far she's a fucking rock star she's
the best rock star ever she's the best front person ever she's fucking so powerful she's the most rock star-y so far, which is fun. She's a fucking rock star. She's the best rock star ever. She's the best front person ever.
She's fucking so powerful.
She's so fucking...
Have you seen I, Tina yet?
Oh, yeah.
No, not yet.
Oh, you gotta watch it.
It's great.
It's amazing.
It's really good.
Excellent first pick.
Not to be confused with I, Tanya.
Not to be confused with I, Tanya.
Or I, Robot.
Well, maybe confused.
She's the Tina Turner of Portland, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, absolutely.
I had a nickel for every time I said that.
Sorry, but not sorry.
Okay, so this is the one where it's tricky
because there are a few different...
You know what?
I'm going for it.
I'm going to take Haim next.
Oh, damn it.
I was going to pick him.
That's what I just said. I was like, I bet I got one that's on your list and it was Haim. Yep, I'm going for it. I'm going to take Haim next. Oh, damn it! I was going to pick him. That's what I just said.
I was like, I bet I got one that's on your list, and it was Haim.
Yep, I'm taking Tina Turner.
I've been a super
fan since 2013
when their first album came out. It's the only
album I write to.
If anyone's ever written something good
that I've read, something good...
If anyone's ever read anything that I've written and thought it was good,
it's because I listened to the first Haim album while I wrote it.
And since then, they just keep coming out with bangers.
And now that they're getting like a lot of recognition,
I'm just super psyched about it.
But also this is my ultimate example of I liked them first.
I liked them before they were cool.
And it kills me a little bit because I feel that so intensely.
And I hate that I feel that.
It's like when college football writers are mad that everybody's talking about an NFL player.
And it's like, I liked them first.
And it's like, well, does that happen?
I didn't even know.
I didn't know that.
I think it's great to embrace that.
Just not in a bitter way.
Like you're like some people.
I'm just excited for them is how I'm channeling.
And that's the difference. Some people hear that shit. And and you sort of first and they're mad that they made it they're like i wish they were still underground i'm i'm i'm thrilled
that they're getting as huge as they possibly can so i go on snl right just this year yeah yeah
no awesome were they am i insane i thought they were for some reason i don't know i can't remember
a lot of snl this year but but they've been on SNL.
Yeah, they did a bunch of,
they sort of made the late night rounds, I thought.
I saw them in London a couple of years ago.
It was a really good concert.
I've never seen them live, and I'm just like.
They fucking rock.
That'd be super cool.
Yeah.
So Tina and then Haim is my lineup so far.
Is Esty the, Esty's not the lead.
Who's the lead singer? Danielle. Danielle. So she'll like play, Haim is my lineup so far. Is Esty the, Esty's not the lead. Who's the lead singer?
Danielle.
Danielle.
So she'll like play,
like she plays drums during the concert.
She goes into like moves around,
does this different instruments and shit like that.
You know,
she is a rule that like they invite a bunch of people to on the album to
record.
But she is a rule that she has to play the drums on every song they
record.
That's amazing.
And,
and the drums are the first instrument that each sister, cause there are three sisters that their dad taught them to play the drums on every song they record that's amazing and and the drums are the first
instrument that each sister because they're three sisters that their dad taught them to play
and um yeah they're just like they're the cool they're so cool summer girl is such a fucking
banger i love that song so much that was like early quarantine like first month or something
was we do a playlist every month for the patreon and uh
ian put that song in there and i hadn't listened to him in a few years probably it'd been a while and i heard that song and immediately i was just like oh and then i started listening to him like
crazy all year it's just all good it's all good they were my most played artists this year
according to spotify listen you take three jewish girls from la you're not gonna get an argument from me i'm in listen you're speaking my language i was like i think that a lot i think that
danielle and i were bought mitzvahed on the same day so you know
oh yeah yeah perfect amazing first two picks two people who are like high on my list
fuck the team eternal one's gonna i'm yeah i'm pretty upset about it yeah sorry place place place
all right all right time for my second pick it's still tough i'm gonna take i'm gonna take somebody
who i gotta i gotta how am i gonna she's gonna go up early i think like this isn't this isn't
a headliner you want this person earlier in the day this is a posthumous pick i'm going to take amy winehouse back yeah oh yeah be awesome i mean if
i saw her earlier in the day i don't know if i'd make it to the end of the day i'd be a party party
animal but yeah not a deep not the deepest catalog unfortunately because of her uh you know uh abridged abridged life due to alcohol and whatnot but like robust fucking bangers just so many bangers so many amazing songs so many just
like things you want to get up and dance to and just like a real like mood setter like if you're
if you're like hey amy winehouse is over on this stage. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to go over there. Another great showman.
Another different kind of music.
Just kind of like big bandy.
Stuff you want to dance to.
It's amazing.
Maybe I could have gotten her later, but I don't care.
I feel like live she's got one of those voices
where you feel it behind your belly button when she goes.
You know what I'm talking about?
Where you're like, oh.
I do.
I don't want to say some pics but i've
heard some people saying who have that kind of thing yeah one person i can't john legend
yeah people i think people forget that he does have like an amazing voice but his voice is he
made me cry i heard him saying acapella and i started crying he's you know what they say about
you if you cry at acapella? You're just ordinary people.
I didn't finish this joke in my head before I said it out loud.
Real girl dad?
Yeah.
Big shoes.
Big shoes?
You know this.
Never mind.
I'm going to go.
We were in a hallway.
He sang acapella, again, at the Gram and and like i just i don't even like john legend and i just started crying his voice was so beautiful that it was like coming
out of a human i was like oh jesus then he pooped um john legend not ian amy winehouse is my pick
she's just i i would just love to see she's somebody where I'm like fuck it would
have been so amazing to see her in concert
she was so great and another Jewish
girl repping hard
are you Jewish 100% bar mitzvah and everything
thank you for asking
but bar not bar
100% bar mitzvah and everything
well I mean not 100%
because my dad's not Jewish but like
it's natural that's still 100 right yeah
that's why my name's charlotte wilder
let's put it that way there's nothing wrong with having a little stealth judaism in you
it could come in handy just oh man i've i've surprised so many people
good surprises or bad surprises i was just thinking that i was like
has it been how has it been mostly mostly just like shocked yeah people can't they're like you
are jewish and i'm like i don't know if your surprise is good or bad but once again here we are
maybe winehouse not a surprise very forwardly jewish sean jordan time for your second pick
um this is going this is more of a passion pick for me i'm sure they were on everyone's list or
hopefully they were but i think you're gonna i bet i'm not i'd be shocked if you this is who
you're gonna pick next but i think they can go just before mariah i guess i'm kind of going
backwards here they don't have a ton of hits,
but enough for a solid set that I want to see.
And I would just love to see them live.
Salt-N-Pepa.
Oh, yeah.
That's a good pick.
I put Salt-N-Pepa at my high school senior year talent show.
What song?
What song?
Shoot.
None of Your Business.
And I got almost suspended.
What? Going to be a freak game business. And I got almost suspended.
I did it with my friend.
I did it with my friend and she was black and I was white.
So we were salt and pepper and it was like the whole thing. And then afterwards, the head of upper school or whatever at my stupid private school called.
She's like, you did not tell me that those words were in this song.
And I'm like, I love it.
Didn't know you were
such a loser that you didn't know the song none of your business i didn't tell you because it's
none of your business i was like uh well right and then she was like charlotte you are dangerously
close to a suspension already and i was like i hate it here oh wow i want to take a guy home
with me tonight it's none of your business that song is all about
like listen i can have sex if i want to have sex i love it exactly yeah and my at my private all
girls school they were like we have not seen this before were you a troublemaker at that school
oh god that's making trouble right there i was like i was yeah what other kind of business did
you get into um kill the guy i i yeah you know there are
the murders were a problem no um were you one of those people that there was the rumor that you
punched the principal and everybody thought you were tough yeah but no like they were like
charlotte they were everyone was just like why can't you get out of your own way you know it
was the kind of thing like i like they were like latin class isn't isn't a stand-up set and i was like so the thing about that is it would be a lot more fun
if it were like i as we were learning the names of the planets and i asked the teacher i was like
okay and she was like you know mars is named after the blah blah and i was like who's uranus
named after and then got kicked out of class you know like had to do it i was like he walked right
into that and she was like i used to be a nun and that's disrespectful. I was like, he walked right into that. She was like, I used to be a nun.
And that's disrespectful.
And I was like, like Jewish.
Speaking of nun, none of her business.
Anyway, not to, there we are.
Back to your pick, Sean.
Salt and or Peppa, dude.
And DJ Spinderella.
That's what people forget.
Did I ever tell you I saw them, right?
I told you that? No. I saw them at the alameda county fair wow yeah in the bay area and it was great but then at the end uh
i think it was peppa she tried to convert a bunch of people to christian it got weird it was like
yeah because they they closed on what a man and then then as everybody was leaving, she's like, I want to tell you about the mightiest,
mightiest man.
And I was like, no, I'm out.
I got a youth pastor bit where I do that.
Yeah, I got to go eat this elephant ear.
There's no way she's about to talk about Andre the Giant.
Nope.
Not talking about Tretch.
He was in the video, Tretch and Tupac.
You look at their, like,
they got like six or seven
songs that i'm thinking of it's like let's talk about sex um push it what a man shoop
um none of your business yeah it's like a solid set like i can't that late late late hit too
are you ready you remember that song i don't know that one oh it's it was like 97 it was it was good
there's a video for it.
I'll send it to the chat.
I just like Shoop is still one of my go-to karaoke songs.
It's like one of the only songs I know absolutely front to back.
No questions asked.
They do say the R word in there in the unedited version, which I cannot stand.
Oh, the dude says it.
Yeah, I hate it so much.
And it's like, God, you think of it like, what were you doing using it?
Even in that context, you're like, I don't care if it was 25 years ago what the fuck is anyway that's my only beef at all but
other than that yeah yeah god damn it i'll only stop talking about it because we're gonna run out
of time god damn it otherwise i'd keep going great speaking of what a man i mean wake up you know sheeple you sheeple i mean i don't want to get going i'll accidentally say plandemic uh-oh i said it didn't i
please change that guys uh excellent pick excellent pick time for your third and fourth
or second and third picks second pick going right before Whitney Houston TLC
ah shit yeah
fuck I knew you I knew
it was on your shit I can't believe
Sean didn't take it yeah I can't
I was I did not think I was
gonna get it I didn't think I was
gonna I should have done it just then you're insane
were you gonna pick salt and pepper was that it was
that anywhere you were gonna do it no but I was always
gonna pick TLC
I thought and I thought you were gonna take you galaxy
brained yourself shot yeah i know i was i was i was i mean that it was for sure uh one or two
pick it's the same lane as salt and peppa for sure the same like oh wait there's so many more hits
there's so many more i know i know david i know that's insane i know that's insane it's there's like seven tlc songs that i'd want to hear i want to hear them do crazy sexy cool
in its entirety and half a ooh on the tlc tip and like three from fan mail god if i heard what
about your friends live i'd lose what about your friend i want to hear creep yeah i only know them in that
song unpretty do they have other work i'm gonna break this computer
i just fucking burst into flame
god you can see waterfalls oh he's so fun left i wrote waterfalls in rehab right
i didn't know that.
After all the Andre Rising shit?
I'm pretty sure.
What are we doing?
Who on the TLC tip?
Baby, baby, baby.
Baby, baby, baby.
Ain't too proud to beg.
What about your friends?
What about your friends?
And then, is Case of the Fake People on the TLC tip?
I don't know that song.
Yeah, you do.
Case of the fake people.
Anyways.
Red Light Special, but while you go back and get like a couple drinks like you because you don't need to be present for
red light special no scrubs i mean like come on oh no for sure oh yeah of course i love bad mail
but like crazy sexy cool is like my wheel house charlotte are you aware of the songs uh no pigeons by sporty thieves that came out in
response to no scrubs what oh boy it was it was the guy's response to like oh you think no scrubs
and they had they thought they needed to like well check this out no pigeons and it was all about no
oh it was about like pigeons are you serious yeah yeah it's ridiculous no i guess it wasn't a hit i'm sure it wasn't a hit
it was insane they played it on the radio though they did because no scrubs was so big
pigeon is a girl who'll be walking by yeah wow absurd that they thought they needed to retaliate Like wait they're talking about us
Yeah wait we're scrubs
Isn't that how you
Wait I don't have a car
Yeah
My best friend does have a car
He's giving me a ride
How else am I going to get to work
Make money for you
Yeah for you
Pretty accurate when I was thinking about i was like
yeah i get it for sure that's 100 i'm doing most of that no uh tlc excellent second pick and your
third my damn that's yeah this is where it gets tough that's a real big my third fuck i didn't think it's tough because you you don't like you want
to have a festival but i don't want to have all you guys also don't know me well enough to know
what i'm gonna do that's what i'm worried about that's what i'm really worried that's fun though
go with your gut oh my god you could take three death metal bands after this charlotte i mean my gut
is saying that i want to take heart right now whoa of course dude of course yeah they had so
many so many bangers i didn't see that coming just for alone dude i that song makes me look that's one of the few in these
dreams too oh man i was in that shit dog i was in that shit with my eyes closed that's how much
yeah oh man these dreams are such a crazy on you at like yeah heart i'm taking a heart third heart fucking goddamn you've got a
you've got a sick concert washington's finest motherfucking heart
it's so good like oh you just want to hear it like so loud because like i feel like i want to
hear them like right as the buzz kicks in because you
know how like the first two acts you're kind of just like kicking it or whatever and then the
third one you're like wait i'm at a fucking concert and then you get into that mode where
you're like i love all these songs that's when i want heart you're like a few drinks and then done like you just
put the tip down
you just put the tip down on your beer and that's
when it starts you know what I mean
I'm like getting emotional thinking
about how much I love
it's so good it's so good
these days we're gonna be at one again
we'll go see heart but yeah heart
okay I love that yeah
because I also wanted like a full band
you know what i mean like yes heart 100 my third pick feel good yeah dude great pick man sean time
for your third pick well i'm gonna go they were on my list and i i wanted to cover 80s so i'm just
gonna go down that same road and i'm gonna pick pat benatar okay yeah i love that pick we stand strong yeah man i mean
just i'm thinking about just like the sets that you're gonna get and it's just gonna be so good
like love is a battlefield just seeing that live would be so sick and just um what's the
uh heartbreaker that is such it'd be so fun to see him.
We belong.
We belong is so good.
I'm missing one.
We belong is your best shot.
Yeah, hit me with your best shot.
Yeah, yeah.
That'd be so good.
I think she closes on We Belong.
People sleep on Pat Benatar, but she could.
She had it.
She had it.
She knew it.
Yeah, she knew it was up.
She had it.
Yeah.
Dude, when she hits that, we are young.
Just like, fuck that power. And I just picture her standing there, when she hits that, we are young. Just like a fucking power.
And I just picture her standing there, like, just like stomping that one foot, you know,
on the beat.
That beat is so good on that song, too.
That beat is like, weirdly hasn't, has it been sampled in a rap song?
I'm, I, a lot of rap songs out there.
I imagine.
Yeah.
Which, which, to which song?
To Love is a Battlefield.
I feel like it definitely has been
like i feel like i know what you're thinking of and i can't it must have been it's weird that i
usually i usually would be able to recall it quicker uh but yeah yeah that that's a great
pick man yeah man she just i don't know it'd just be really that's like and i you know what that is
that's singing to your churro music like you got and then you're like into it you know i mean i'm accidentally kind of getting in my mind i'm kind
of getting this order the way i want it like mariah's last salt and pep is just before like
they're playing like when the sun's going down pat benatar is like right uh like like three o'clock
uh just getting everyone juiced for the night like just like let's do this i'm gonna i'm
gonna bring you guys through the afternoon and absolutely kill it so i'm i'm getting pretty
excited i'm with it love it great pick my third pick i listen this is i know what you're gonna
do and you're gonna take my i know what you're gonna do i don't know that i am i don't know
i think there's a lot of value on the board right now. There are two that you could do that would, that I,
that would,
okay.
You two both seem sneaky.
I have two that I need.
I have two that I need.
Shit.
Now I'm going to,
oh,
head games.
Head games.
She got in your kitchen,
dude.
She's not even paying rent up there.
Dude,
you can't even dribble right now.
You don't know what's going on. I'm locked up,
dude.
I'm locked up. I work in sports. Yeah, Ian Lyden said he got a cr. You don't know what's going on. I'm locked up, dude. I'm locked up.
I work in sports.
Yeah, Ian Lyden said he got a cramp.
He's just on the sideline scared, I think.
I took a dive.
All right.
Okay.
I have one person I really want, but I think there's someone like that person who I can
get in case you take her.
Okay.
So I'm going to go with this other one instead.
And this is somebody who
under normal circumstances circumstances circumstances
under normal circumstances you this person would only headline festivals but i think because i have
beyonce and because this person's vibe is like kind of like yeah like i'm like oh no of course
beyonce i'm taking taylor swift
yeah i i think taylor swift i was thinking about this i think she i think she would start honestly
i think i think you'd be like let's start with taylor let's open it up open i think she would
be down to do that and i don't think you're gonna find she leads into beyonce yeah yeah
she's right before beyonce open with somebody that big can you i think i was thinking earlier
i think it'd be fun because the opener set is like the shorter set, right?
Here's my kitten. Sorry.
Oh my goodness.
I know. She's got like a different
Say hi, Eddie.
She's got like a different colored face. It's so cute.
Oh, I just want to hold her.
How old is she?
She's like weeks old.
Weeks old?
Like six, seven weeks old yeah she's the littlest has
she tried to get outside she has not tried to get outside yeah i always want beetlejuice just woke
up is it marge simpson or is he being chill he's being cool he's being cool so far he's clocking
though yeah hard hard clocking uh sorry we were talking about taytay taylor swift goes
before beyonce for sure because she's like it's beyonce and she would have to like yeah that's
the only other place she'd be like i understand yeah i get it yeah that's the only place you
could put her really but she would try to blow beyonce out of the water she wouldn't but she
would try to doesn't have the voice for it she's an amazing singer but she can't you can't i love
i love the competition of it.
I would hope that she would bring Beyonce to New High.
This has been my Taylor Swift year.
I always knew the hits and everything like that.
My girlfriend is dancing to unheard Taylor Swift songs just off camera here.
She's a huge Taylor Swift fan, so this is the year I got really into Taylor Swift.
She's amazing.
Holy shit, she's good. Dude, Style is like a perfect song it's so good how many albums does she have
total god yeah i mean she started when she was like 15 right like i still contend that 1989 is
is the best but i think i love the most songs off of folklore. And I love, I got, I also have to admit I,
this summer,
this is really embarrassing.
So Taylor released an album and then releases a surprise album.
And to me,
like she's,
she's clearly having so much fun making great shit that just,
she just kept going.
And like,
I respect that so much because like, you know just she just kept going and like i respect that so much yes
because you know that feeling like when you're if you're writing something good or you're doing
something good like it's very rare but every once in a while you're just on this high of like i'm
gonna just ride this out i've been working on these um this screenplay for a while and i was
sort of like three quarters of a way through maybe halfway through and she released the second album
and i was like, Oh hell no.
If Taylor Swift can release two albums during quarantine,
I can finish one fucking screenplay.
I got competitive with Taylor Swift and I spent,
I didn't leave my room the entire day and I finished it in like eight
hours and it is not very good,
but like I have a complete one because I I got so competitive. That's awesome.
And then I was like, you're like Taylor Swift.
Yeah.
Anyway.
That's amazing.
At least that's a comparison that you should be able to draw.
I find myself where I'm nothing like Taylor Swift and be like, you did nine kickflips today.
You and Taylor Swift, you're both on the same trajectory.
What was her album after Reputation?
Lover. Lover. That's the one with cruel summer on it that's like the sneaky song that i love yeah like not like a radio banger
but it's such a good song i liked all those songs off reputation even like all the ones that people
gave a shit about um i don't know i just i just like everything she does it seems like like she
doesn't miss to me dude Dude, she'll play blank.
I see this starting with
something like Blank Space or some big song
and then ending with a little
folklore mini set. Three, four songs.
Just her, guitar,
quiet, lights down.
And then her set
ends. And then the Beyonce buzz
starts building. Well, the thing with Old Tay-Tay
is she's been known to bring her,
like she brings homies along for the show.
So you might get some bonus.
I won't say anyone, but you might get some bonus guests
just because she's been known to do that,
which is also a really fun thing that she does.
That's all she comes out.
I'm going to say this because it's not a,
because it's not a, what you might get Jack.
You might get Jack Antonoff.
You might get Jack Antonoff. Jack jack antinoff the folklore sessions jack antinoff and then that
guy from uh from uh what's that other band that national the national out there with him
that was another good did you watch the the what was it the folklore sessions or the cabin sessions
or whatever yeah that was good yeah that was good
did you watch it was good did you watch i watched it's like the chris farley interview do you
remember when you like that was awesome i found myself doing that interviewing a few athletes
before and i was like oh god i need a sandwich or something always when you're hungry that you
make it when you're with somebody that you like revere so much.
And I don't know.
We did.
We had Slug from Atmosphere was on the show.
And I was just sitting right next to him like, I was going crazy.
I couldn't.
I could barely even look at him.
Charlotte, time for your third and fourth picks.
This is really tough because, okay.
It's getting hard now.
I have three that I'm like, I don't know where. I have four, have three that i'm like i don't know where i have four actually that
i'm like there's so there's a ton it's hard because to curate a fat like i'm waiting for
you on the other side of this i know uh i know oh god damn it okay i'm gonna go dolly parton yeah
yeah it's crazy that she's even still on.
So, yeah, I know.
I didn't have anywhere to put her.
It's because she's got to.
So let me ask you, where's she going?
So it's going to be.
It's oh, man.
She doesn't need a headline.
Out of respect, I feel like most people would be like,
she needs to get to bed.
Definitely headlines because you end on Tina.
Yeah.
I suppose the respect.
Yeah.
And I think that Haim would hype you up a lot to get to her. Tina definitely headlines because you end on Tina. Yeah. As far as the respect. Yeah. Yeah.
Same thing.
And I think that Haim would hype you up a lot to get to her.
Cause it's like a little more rock and roll and Dolly,
you just feel Dolly's like that third,
what David was talking about,
where you're just like feeling great when Dolly comes on.
And also there's a chance that she brings Miley with her.
Yeah.
Which I shouldn't have said,
because that is a,
but do you know what i mean
so i'm like it's a little bit of a cheat there but um okay so i'm going so i'm going dolly
fuck yeah man i get to hear jolene during the day forget about it when nine to five starts playing
just like oh yeah also she ends on light of a clear blue morning yes see that song that was my i think that was
my most played song i'm not sure that i know that song oh you gotta you gotta i will it's
it's a perfect song i'll go on a walk after this and listen to a lot of this dolly seems so fun too
like not a lot of people i'm interested to hear what they have to say in between songs uh just at
concerts for the most part i just i really
i don't care too much but it always seems like it'd be real fun yeah i don't like the banter a
lot either sometimes i do but even like i mostly don't even bands that i'm super into i'm like i
just you know because we do comedy you're like i don't i also don't want them to make me not like
them yeah i don't want to hear enough of your personality i'm like i don't want you to say
something that i think is either like even if it's innocuous if it's not smart like i saw a
taylor swift show and i i was off of her for like a year because i hated what she was saying between
herself what was she saying i mean just like bullshit like i guess this was 20 this is like
2017 i guess so she was she was still doing the kind of like she's like do you guys want to
hear a song just on the guitar and like the crowd would go nuts and I was like yeah obviously that's
why we're here like you can't do the like isn't it cute that I'm successful thing because it's
like you got to honor the fact that you're huge now and like not do the like oh my god I'm so
glad you guys like this stuff do you know what I mean right right right that feels so pre-packaged yeah i was like come on like be more interesting like i just but i think that's
sort of my problem in general is that i'm an asshole it gets on the nerve i gets on my nerves
is when rappers try to be funny and they do it all the time because everybody wants to be a
comedian and maybe david at a point like maybe being comedians i get sick of that but i'm like
i'm terrible at music.
I want to see you do the music that I love.
It's amazing.
And you're probably not that funny.
I'm going to sound like a jerk.
Rappers are the only ones you get mad with.
I feel like every rock band I've ever seen has done that.
And I'm like, dude, put it, put it away.
I'm like, do less.
Yo, man, I'm not even here.
I feel like I've wanted to hear rappers more.
Same.
Because rap's inherently funny.
Right.
If you don't have a sense of humor, you're probably a bad rapper.
Right, exactly.
Your next pick, Charlotte.
My next pick.
Okay, this is really hard because I...
No, you know what? This is my pandemic concert, and this is who hard because i know you know what this is my pandemic concert and this is who
i want to see exactly and regardless of there's someone on the board that i can't believe is still
on the board that i should take but i'm gonna take instead dualipa nice oh i didn't even think
of yeah because she is one of my favorite newer artists.
And I loved, loved, loved, loved Future Nostalgia.
And her new stuff that's like, we're good and not my problem.
I've loved so much.
And she's getting just like kind of dance here.
And I just think she's an unbelievable performer.
Like when she was at the Grammys, her dance, I was just like, I could watch this for hours.
Oh, absolutely. So I's yeah so so i'm doing
that i'm doing that nice it's going a very fun direction you were like with her first album
you're like wait like you know people could go anywhere after that and she's like like
like disco almost well i was watching do you get song exploder yeah yeah i the the i watched
netflix the show with her um and she was like
you know i it was very liberating when i realized that i was allowed to write happy songs and she
was like so i just like went for it sure and i was like sweet just and like that that lane of pop i
love just a pop music ass pop song and what's the song with DaBaby that she has? It's the, if you da-da-da-da-da-da-da
coming in to take for a ride.
What's that song?
Levitating?
Yeah, Levitating, that song.
To me, it's just like a perfect pop song.
I love it so much.
It just gets in you.
You're just like, yep, you're bopping.
You can't control it.
You're just like, it sounds great.
The rhythm is fantastic.
I think Cool is my favorite off of that album.
It's really amazing.
And then We're Good, I'm just sort of obsessed with in general.
But yeah, I could just watch her forever.
Like as a performer, she's someone that I'd want to go.
Like I might have taken her first if I didn't think you guys wouldn't have.
She'd be an amazing concert.
I'm being honest, she wasn't even on my list.
It's a gross oversight on my part,
but I didn't even think about it.
Yeah, going with it.
Break My Heart sounds like a song
from the 80s, from the future.
You know what I mean?
Like that kind of thing.
Yeah, she's amazing.
She's so fun and interesting.
Great pick.
Time for my fourth pick.
I mean, goddamn.
I have to take Missy Misdemeanor elliot fuck yeah damn it damn it
damn it he's kidding i really thought i really thought i had her this round i was like you
played it cool hold fuck yeah that's fantastic that would be another fun show oh my god are
you kidding me are you kidding me her set design
and she'd be dancing she'd be dancing she has dancers hits from so many yeah man oh yeah i saw
her at riot in la and this was like a couple years ago and it was like just when she was like coming
back and like you know she was out of breath on a couple songs because she has like graves disease
and like she like you know it was out of the game for like a long time she had what disease it's called
graves disease it's i don't think it kills you but it like definitely kind of like slows you
down a little bit um but she fucking crushed it it was so much fun it was so much fun those people
people don't realize is like she's like a like a prolific and just like
like completely yeah like as a as a songwriter just so many people she's worked for and stuff
like that like people talk about she could just do anything man fuck yeah she's a genius man like
the rain still sounds like it's coming out in 10 years super duper fly is still a yeah it's so good
yeah man yeah yeah it's so it's so fun that song she's a bitch ah it's so good yeah lose control
yeah man get your freak on and i'm gonna say it because i don't think maybe nelly fratato comes
out sorry if someone's gonna pick nelly frat. You know what I want to hear is that song that she did with Big Boy.
All in My Grill.
Do you remember that song?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I haven't thought about that in a long time.
I love that song.
I love that album.
Like, was that Welcome to the Real World?
Whatever.
Yeah.
Missy's a great goddamn pick, Ian.
One minute, man.
Anything.
I mean, I'm here for all of it.
All of it. She's so good.
Sean time for your fourth pick. Here's my fourth pick
and I've if I'm being dead honest
I only like know know like three or four songs from this group
but if I listen to them I enjoy every song but I like I could only like
sing you a couple.
It's War Paint.
I love the band War Paint.
And I think they'd be great.
Total festival band.
And I just think it'd be really fun.
I know this band.
They're fantastic.
It's four girls, LA based now.
Cool, okay.
Yeah, I'll send you.
So the album that I'm familiar with that I know about is called Heads Up.
Okay. And I'm looking on Spotify. It was 2016.
It's just really, really good. Kind of like a Haim.
Just that same. They're kind of all over the place.
I wouldn't pin them down to one specific thing. They're great.
Cool. I asked a long time ago, a friend of mine,
I was just like, what are some female-fronted
bands I could get into?
And Warpaint and Haim were the first two that they told me about.
But anyway, if you don't know who Warpaint is, check them out.
They're fantastic.
I want to see them live.
I still think it's very realistic that I might even end up on the same festival as them one
of these days.
One of these days.
One of these bands.
Some bands like that where you're like, there's a chance we gonna be in the same green room area you know with like the same reaching for warmed over shrimp
in the same getting those free haircuts and i won't feel like a fool being like hey you know
i won't feel like i'm like fanning out or anything when you talk to someone like that
because you feel kind of like your peers listen man i did a festival with zach brown band anything could happen
shout out fenway park no this was at a horse track in san diego same thing we went by we went
by fenway and i i had never we limited time in boston and just on the east coast in general but
i'd never heard anybody really talk like you think
somebody from boston it was the uber guy when he's like you know it sort of means random right
it was like that he was something like he was like there's the green monster kid and this guy
was like 45 50 and we were talking about baseball and he's like yeah they're wicked expensive right
now to tickets and i was like fuck you say it you said it's a joke until you hear it yeah yeah that
is exactly how you feel yeah Yeah, that's for sure.
I was like, these movies are crazy.
That's not how it was.
And then when you grew up there, it's like, why does everyone think this is funny?
And then you're like, oh.
Oh, because it's hilarious.
It's the funniest one.
Objectively hilarious.
I mean, I grew up in the Midwest.
It's the same thing.
Like when you see Fargo, you're like, no way.
And then you go to Fargo, spot on.
Exactly what it's like. Exactly what it's like exactly what it's like
so you know uh but yeah war paint i think so war paint at bemidji state if there's like i don't
want to say there's a side stage but if there's a side stage they're gonna like they'll be on the
side stage otherwise they're just going they're probably gonna go first they might hear about
this that you picked them it's that size of a band that would be a fun like worlds colliding thing
I don't know
they're just fantastic
really good music
David Borey time for your fourth
and then your lightning round final pick
I know
I'm worried you're going to take
I'm worried he's going to take my last one
yeah me too
I am going to take my last one. Yeah, me too.
I am going to take...
I feel like you're going to take mine.
I am going to... Because I loved her live album so much.
I'm taking Erykah Badu.
Ooh.
Great pick. Yep, yep. Where's she going i want she's going before
heart okay man can you imagine if you saw erica before yeah before heart i think that she's just
got like a her have you guys ever listened to the uh baduism live album her live album no her dancer is amazing like she has a whole lead up to like
tyrone and stuff so it's like she's like a good like easing into it and i think like so many i
don't know so many of her songs does she's so good by herself she doesn't need that much and it's
like a slow ramp up and like obviously the tyrones and stuff like that but then like everything from Mama's Gone
yeah Apple Tree like
yeah Erykah Badu man
yeah Erykah Badu
that'd be a great day set Erykah Badu
yeah exactly that's what I want to see
her like totally sober like
yeah Erykah Badu
I do like all these fucking songs
yeah so Erykah Badu
a little stoned.
Yeah. A little bit stone.
Cause she's stoning.
You know what I mean?
I hope that she would like,
did you guys see block party when she took her wig off?
And yeah,
that kind of shit,
man.
And everybody says she's really funny.
Like I've just heard a lot of people interviews about her.
I can see that.
Yeah.
Erica Badoo,
Texas's finest.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
And your final pick lightning round. Ohila e sheila e all right glamorous life love bazaar john your final pick final pick alia
fuck oh she was also i was thinking about having her open too there's a couple alia songs because
uh back and forth define like two years
of my life that was like my favorite song for maybe the longest of songs been my favorite song
i love that song so just to see that live i it was just such a it's friday hey and i'm ready to swing
pick up my girls and hit the party scene tonight oh it's all right yeah she's great i just that that would get you in a it's
making me also one in a million i really love that song yeah one that song that razelle sampled uh
if your if your girl only knew the lightning round
i said you notice how i sit back and turtle up my final pick is Melissa Etheridge
she just fucking
rocks
she'll go up to her and say
she fucking shreds
me and Sue Carmel will be there
Charlotte your final pick
this is the hardest
choice ever because there are
four that are all
extremely different and i can't believe
they're all still available i know i mean there's a bunch of available there it's crazy i know i know
i know i know i know okay um wait so so i have i have tina i have dolly i have heim and i have
man that's good shit uh there are a few that i would that are too big at this point like i i wouldn't know
where to put them in the lineup which is my justification for not taking them and at this
point i need someone i need a phoebe bridgers okay i'm taking i got i can't not take Phoebe I can't not take her
alright
can I tell you the three
the other three that I was like how are these all still
Lauren Hill
but she might not show up
right
fucking worth it
Lauren Hill, Britney Spears
Stevie Nicks
Madonna
but at the same where I was like,
but at the same time, like, I couldn't, you know,
you got to build this little,
it's like what I want coming out of the pandemic.
And those were some of the people that I was like,
like, I listened to Phoebe constantly
and I was like, I can't not.
Destroyer is so good.
Punisher.
Punisher.
Punisher, not Destroyer.
Destroyer is another band that has a saxophone in it.
Punisher.
To recap, David,
you went first.
You took Whitney Houston,
TLC, Heart,
Erykah Badu,
and Sheila E.
Sean, you went second.
You took Mariah Carey,
Salt-N-Pepa,
Pat Benatar,
War Paint,
and Aaliyah.
I went third.
I took Beyonce,
Amy Winehouse,
Taylor Swift,
Missy Elliott,
and Melissa Etheridge.
Charlotte, you went last.
You took Tina Turner, Haim, Dolly Parton, Dua Lipa, and Phoebe Bridgers.
We talked about a few of the groups we left on the board, but we left Rihanna on the board.
Fiona Apple.
Joni Mitchell.
Kelly Clarkson.
I love Kelly Clarkson.
She was a sleeper.
I love her.
Aretha Franklin.
Bonnie Raitt.
Rihanna could have fit in nicely.
Oh, fucking Bonnie Raitt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleigh Bells. Luscious Jackson. 10,000 Maniacs. sleeper i love her aretha franklin bonnie ray on it could have been a nice thing oh fucking bonnie
ray yeah yeah yeah sleigh bells luscious jackson 10 000 maniacs the supremes the spice girls oh
would have been dope man yeah i mean it's this you have to you have to go with your gut sometimes
you know like it was it's a concert it's not any concert of all-time greats. It's your first post-pandemic concert.
You have to go with what you want for that specific thing.
Right. It's your concert.
You know, so I think we did a great job.
Marissa, did you have a pick?
Yeah, they are a huge band, but I wanted to shout out an all-female rock band from Toronto called The Beaches.
The Beaches.
They rule. I love hearing a feminine point of view
from a rock band.
Also, they just released an EP
called Itty Bitty Titty Committee
and I really like that name.
It just makes me laugh.
Amazing.
Shout out to Beaches.
Life's a beach.
Shout out to high school bullying.
Yeah.
Yeah, seriously.
We want to hear your picks.
Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod
on Twitter,
allfantasypodcasts at gmail.com.
Shout out to everyone on the afe patreon thank
you so much for holding us down we really appreciate it shout out to everyone on the
afe sheslackity shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to saint sue carmel i love you
ma shout out to uh i mean let me let me rip some of these out huh all right shout out to uh laura elsing uh shout out to casa grande
skate shop and casa grande az y'all thanks got it to uh colin storm good job on the phd playboy
sarah from zach happy anniversary and happy belated birthday uh to my present love puppy
there we go all right fuck yeah all right shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude
shout out to haji beats and more important than the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats.
And more important than all of that,
tune in again next week for another...
Oh, God, wait.
Shout out to super producer Marissa.
I know we just heard from her.
But fucking shout out to super producer Marissa Melnick.
And more important than all of that,
tune in again next week for another
brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.
Sha-clackity!
That was a Hate Gum podcast.