All Fantasy Everything - Internet Videos (w/ Jamel Johnson, Sean Jordan, and David Gborie)

Episode Date: December 12, 2019

YouTube, is it the wave of the future? Experts are split, but one thing is for sure - Jamel Johnson joined the Good Vibes Gang to draft their favorite internet videos.Episode Guest:Jamel John...son @nonprofitcomic IG: @broccolihouseSupport the show!Sponsors:Kamikoto: Get 25% off sitewide. Go to Kamikoto.com/FANTASY and use the offer code FANTASY.Keeps: Get your first month of treatment for free at Keeps.com/allfantasy.Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch!T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. You know, the podcast. That's moisturizing. The podcast that is currently doing an under eye moisturizing thing. Because he went a little hard last night. Yeah. For God's sake.
Starting point is 00:00:42 I didn't put any whiskey in my coffee. So I don't know why you were thinking about bringing it up. Whiskey for my coffee. So I just told David one of my favorite lines in rap ever. In rap ever? All of it. I used to throw shields on the dick. When Biggie says I used to throw shields on the dick. It's funny calling a condom a shield. That's it.
Starting point is 00:00:59 That's why it's one of my favorites. One of mine is. It is funny. I've been clapping them flamers before I became famous for playing me. Y'all shall forever remain nameless, but it's one of my favorites. One of mine is. It is funny. I've been clapping them flamers before I became famous for playing me. Y'all shall forever remain nameless, but it's like different strokes for different folks. He is ho. Okay. Mine is uh
Starting point is 00:01:14 uh it's uh oh man I can't remember any lines from Thrift Shop or else that would have been kind of funny. Here's one of my favorite lines. Highs the eyes beneath the bill of a cap. That's it. Oh Pimp C dude. Here's one of my favorite lines. Highs the eyes beneath the bill of a cap. That's it. Oh, Pepsi, dude. It's the first atmosphere line I ever heard.
Starting point is 00:01:30 We eating so many shrimp. I got eye dye poisoning. It's so good. I eat so many shrimp. I got eye dye. I looked that up. You can, but you have to eat a lot of shrimp. For real, one of my favorite lines. Sounds like you're throwing a gauntlet down. What? I had shrimp just like... I remember it was Bronco's
Starting point is 00:01:48 bachelor party. We had shrimp last night. All over the table last night. You tried a bacon wrapped scallop. Which was excellent. No, it was not. It was so gross. Just on the off chances this is anyone's first
Starting point is 00:02:03 AFV somehow. Sean Jordan, co-host of this program, hates seafood. Just won't eat any of it except tuna sometimes. I like tuna a lot. A lot. I like tuna. I enjoy it. Is that because it's the chicken of the sea?
Starting point is 00:02:16 Tuna. Another one of my favorite rap lines. She's addicted to what the dick did. Big shot. That's a really good line. That's not even a... You can't even... Stop it.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Exactly. Thank you for stopping it. It's crazy to me that you even attribute that line to Big Sean. All right. It was in a Big Sean song. I'm sure it was. Roll my weed on it. That's an ass tray. I'm a much bigger fan of that.
Starting point is 00:02:45 Listen, I like the silly lines. I keep computers putin'. God bless him. Keep computers putin'? Yeah, man. Cameron is a genius. Cameron, I'm not... Who are you looking at? I'm not refuting that at all. Saki on a Suzuki. There are silly
Starting point is 00:03:01 lines that I also like. He's in Osaka Bay. It's funny because every time I look back at Ian, I see he's got those things under his eyes. I am wearing presently, for those of you interested at home. I think it makes you look like a glam football player. Yeah, that's kind of the look. It's a Peter Thomas Roth, 24 karat gold,
Starting point is 00:03:19 a hydrogel eye patch. It's gold in there? I did try a bacon wrap scallop last night and it sucked you're nuts though those were good as hell everything else was I had a chicken pot pie the size of my fucking normal pie
Starting point is 00:03:35 it was huge they were 12's but he kept them clean dude okay you guys have all met Tori. Maybe not you, Jamel, but Tori used to think that Mike Epps went from 20s to 18s to 16s
Starting point is 00:03:52 to 14s to 12s instead of going straight from 20s to 12s. Tori would be like, no, I thought it was he said 18s and then 16s and then anyone. I thought they might have even been 10s. No, they were 12s, he said, right?
Starting point is 00:04:08 Them are 20s. That's the best line ever. He says, them are 20s. Them are 20s. Also when she says, Dede, I got that John Blay shit for you. Yeah. She got all them new snacks. Fat bitch. Fuck my pinky shirt up.
Starting point is 00:04:26 You don't know, daddy. Because of Greg. Yeah, that. Would you want another Kelly Price CD? You want another? Yes, sir. She wanted another Kelly Price CD. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:04:41 I want another one. I celebrate her whole category that woman knows how to get cheated on Kelly Price or she knows how to or she knows how to sing a song about it no no no no no that woman knows how to get cheated on
Starting point is 00:04:58 is one of the funniest things you know her and Blue Cantrell hey ladies those young men wanna get buck wild i put kelly price over blue control because kelly price was like she just is always like she was my best friend yeah he was my husband blue can't roll is over it yeah, Blue Cantrell beat that guy up. She was breaking shit. It's that kind of podcast.
Starting point is 00:05:28 It is. At the end of the day. She's from Far Rockaway. Let's talk about Buffalo a little bit. Buffalo? We were talking about Buffalo earlier. Oh, so yeah, apparently. I'd like to bring it up. I always knew it was a destitute
Starting point is 00:05:42 Rust Belt City teetering on the brink. If anyone's in Buffalo, buy Shane's album. But there are, apparently there's tough rappers from Buffalo now. Yeah, the Griselda Records guys are all Benny the Butcher and Conway and West Side Gun. That's amazing. Come on AFE, guys. Yeah, Conway, come on AFE.
Starting point is 00:06:04 Please, please. I follow you on Instagram. I tried to buy one of your hoodies. It was AFE, guys. Yeah, come on AFE. I follow you on Instagram. I tried to buy one of your hoodies. It was $100. Whoa, that's too much for a hoodie. Yeah, I wasn't gonna. Sean Jordan! You look like Iron Man. A part of you looks like Iron Man.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. It's my under-eye patches. You know that's gold. Sean Cougar Metal Jordan on the gram. It'd be gold, man. A lot of those out there. We're seeing a lot of those. The chemistry of the room is off because I'm sitting where Sean usually sits on account of my sciatica.
Starting point is 00:06:32 Somebody invent a new app so I can be Sean Sane Clown Posse on that so I don't have to change Sean Cougarmel Jordan. I don't want to, though. I don't want to. Then I'll hear nothing else on it. Start a Bumble Friends account. Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. That seems weird to Start a Bumble Friends account. Is that a thing?
Starting point is 00:06:46 Oh yeah. That seems weird to me. I'm on an app to make friends all of a sudden. I'm on an app to make friends where they have to talk to me first? That is dumb as fuck. That sucks. That's fucking wild.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Is that where we're at? That's where we're at, apparently. It's a long walk, apparently. On Rayaaya there's people who are just here for friends get off raya how about that damn how much you go meet friends like people do you coward you join a kickball league easy easy it's easy for us to make friends because we all do stand-up you buy a quarter of a cow i was making friends before i was doing stand-up boy i never talked to a person before i did stand-up you buy a quarter of a cow I was making friends before I was doing stand-up boy I never talked to a person before I did stand-up I don't think you did except for Smith I talked to Smith when I was five and I talked to him until I was 23 it's like have you ever heard the story of
Starting point is 00:07:35 Nas recording live at the barbecue no like it was like he came through with like 50 dudes well it had to be like hey man can I get this? I feel like that's how Sean was before. Absolutely. It was just like punk rock sausage face. Malto meal. Skizz hat. Hormel chill. Sean, I have no idea when this is going to come out. We're recording some for the holidays. Anything
Starting point is 00:07:57 Snow Jam. I'll be headlining the Snow Jam Comedy Festival in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Is that real? Sounds like it's not, but it is. Be honest. You can tell me, man. It's January, so I'm only doing one show I found out. What?
Starting point is 00:08:13 Fun to be a headliner. You only got to show up for a day. It's on January. It's on January Jones. January 25th. Don't you dare. If she showed up, I'd show her love. What?
Starting point is 00:08:24 Yeah. Nobody's pressing you. What are she showed up, I'd show her love. What? Yeah. Nobody's pressing you. What are you talking about? I said. She talks shit about Sioux Falls on Conan, and I've been bummed the whole time. Yeah. I've been bummed ever since she did that.
Starting point is 00:08:33 You got to love where you're from. Unless you're really from a place that isn't. Unless you're from Buffalo. I don't love Fallow. Buffalo. All right. Skizzat. It is. It's a shaky start for you, Sean Buffalo. All right. It is.
Starting point is 00:08:45 It's a shaky start for you, Sean. Yeah. Really? I'm blowing it. January 25th at, uh, I want to, it starts with an R it's a Jesus. It's a brewery. It's like revolt brewery or something. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Revolt. January 25th. I do. There's not a lot of shit going on January 25th and Sioux Falls. I'm lookingolt. January 25th. I do. There's not a lot of shit going on January 25th in Sioux Falls. I'm looking it up. Then I'm headlining. So reverse engineer it that way. Look,
Starting point is 00:09:13 they got your boy. Oh dude. Do they have the good picture? They use, let me see. Oh no. That's a strange. He's got eyes, dude. It's cropped real strange picture. He's got eyes.
Starting point is 00:09:25 Dude, it's cropped real weird. Your boy's got eyes. It's cropped crazy. And I got an upper lip. That's for damn sure. They cropped you real weird, man. You're a handsome guy. I think that's a handsome picture of you.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Yeah, it's a good crop. Nicole Clemonson of Sioux Falls, South Dakota took that photo. Yeah. Trenton McColl. She gave me free headshots. You know what I... She did. It's not a... Get your head out of the gutter. You know what I love about this? She gave me free headshots. You know what I... She did.
Starting point is 00:09:45 It's not a... Get your head out of the gutter. You know what I love about this new crop of Sean Jordan headshots? Mm-hmm. What? They get older, I stay the same age. So, folks, if you're going to go to Snow Jam, you know what I mean? Make sure you check out Alex Just Alex.
Starting point is 00:10:01 And just read some of the other names on here. Dante Nero. What? here. Dante Nero. What? Yeah. Dante Nero? He's got big arms. You guys know Dante Nero, right? No.
Starting point is 00:10:12 Is he from Iowa? He was friends with Patrice. Oh, really? He fell in with the Proud Boys and then found out it was bad. Whoa. Yeah, there's NPR about it. He'll be there. The Proud Boy is going to be there. Well, he's not in's NPR about it. He'll be there. The Proud Boy is going to be there.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Well, he's not in with them anymore. Okay. Kevin McDonald from Kids of the Hall. Yeah. Whoa. And I'm the headliner. Yeah, dude. Timmy Williams will be there. Yeah, he will. Timmy Williams. Oh, yeah. We'll go check out Snow Jam. Anything else,
Starting point is 00:10:41 Johnny? No, that's it. All right. Beautiful. Beautiful, dude. Jamel. Jamel. Oh, hey. got snow jam anything else uh johnny no that's it all right beautiful beautiful dude jamel oh hey you don't even get a last name jamel johnson you're the only one who's ever been and jamel's here yeah i realized i didn't know his twitter account off the top of my head i usually pre-prepare that stuff i like that but it has been a slow morning on account of the evening's events. Even slower afternoon.
Starting point is 00:11:09 I'm taking off the under eye things. All right. He's coming out of his warm up. We went to the smoke house last night. Yes. And I have been a roller coaster these last few days of emotion. So it's yeah, it was a it was a weird
Starting point is 00:11:25 night not weird not not at all uh it was a night i had a great night i did too i had a great night i really did uh i put 20 in the jukebox yeah dude i have a feeling you put more than that in really yeah i felt like you put a lot of money in there 20 is a lot but i was like 85 credits like more than you went back to the well a few times can i say something also i feel like i feel like touch tunes execs are listening to this yeah remove remove all the interludes oh my god seriously don't give me the option i'm drunk don't give me the option to put on the dumb ass, like the end of some shit from fucking streets is watching. Nobody's going to want to hear the fucking Burger King.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Have it your way. Interlude from the Fuji's album. Exactly. Yeah. Except for me, my friend, Nick Ward would beg to differ. He had a bar.
Starting point is 00:12:23 He loved it. You want to sit here at a bar? Maybe loved it. Do you want to see it at a bar? Maybe. Talking about like on a jukebox. Strictly. We're not talking about like pulling him out of the album entirely. Those are historical documents. Ooh la la la. Is the way that we rock when we do it.
Starting point is 00:12:40 At Nonprofit Comic on Twitter. Yes. What is it on Instagram? Broccoli House. Broccoli House. Broccoli House. That's right. I'm woefully underprepared. Hey, the house is also a home. The house is also a home, but I am wearing NBA All-Star Game shorts.
Starting point is 00:12:54 The nice, the San Antonio. That's right. So I can't really lose. No. Even if I'm not winning. You're up 20. I'm up 20. The bench is in right now.
Starting point is 00:13:02 Easy. We're putting in, oh God. Anyway, I was trying to think. There was a basketball player who popped into my head who was on the Mavericks and made one all-star game. Michael Ashburn? Jamal Mashburn? It wasn't Jamal Mashburn.
Starting point is 00:13:15 It was Victor Page, Monty Buckley. It was Victor Page, Monty Buckley. Those are the only two basketball players I will talk about. I was going to say, guys, they were skyrocketing. Jamal, what are you up coming up? Jason Terry? Snow Jam? You doing Snow Jam? I'm doing Snow Jam with Sean.
Starting point is 00:13:27 I'm just going to be playing the Missile Toe Jam by Luther Vandross in the back in like a nice three piece suit. I'm nervous. You're going to be there. Josh Howard. I'm looking up Josh Howard. Shout out to Josh Howard. He came to the Wizards and blew his fucking Achilles with us.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Oh God, that's right. Playing in foam posits. Oh, man. Tough. I'll be in D.C. I got three shows on the 20th. Easy Buckets with my boy Talib Bab and two at Underground Comedy at the Big Hunt. Get your ass up there. BroccoliHouse.com, et cetera.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Oh, and, you know, I got a podcast for every sport ever played. Drop the information. Dig in a little bit more. Dig in a little bit more than that. People are enticed. You know, you set the hook. Now reel them in. At Air Buds Pod for basketball needs.
Starting point is 00:14:21 At Sorry We Love Football on Twitter. And Soccer for Americans is available on iTunes right fucking now. God damn it. Like and subscribe. Hell yeah. Go ahead and smash that like and subscribe button. Lurk and subscribe. Go ahead and smush the lurk and subscribe button.
Starting point is 00:14:37 And catch me in the lobby of Netflix. Catch me at the Denny's across the street from Netflix. Oh yeah. Catch me at the Denny's across the street from Netflix Oh yeah Catch me at the Denny's across the street from Netflix I'm stuffing French toast You might be stuffing me Catch you in a bomber jacket Two bomber jackets
Starting point is 00:14:51 Yeah you'll know it's me Jamel acquired two bomber jackets today What the fuck is going on He was bequeathed two bomber jackets When I woke up today all I thought I was going to do Was finish Smart Guy Turns out I got my winner line are you on your way to finishing smart guy you've been very close blaze through it that fast i am in season three yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:15:14 matt are you doing anything else while you're watching are you on your phone are you on your computer and stuff yeah but not that much man i'm actually pretty focused i've been trying to like put my phone away while i watch stuff because i realized I'm looking back on the year of stuff I've watched and I'm like oh I saw that but I don't remember even one thing you don't need much though all you need to know is when he says the intelligence of a grown man trapped inside of a young brain
Starting point is 00:15:37 he says that or the season 2 theme Omar Gooding is wild and crazy kids oh my god Omar Gooding Omar Gooding is rapping wild and crazy kids oh my god Omar Gooding was wild and crazy kids yeah we've already moved on from that
Starting point is 00:15:53 Jamel and I are doing Snow Jim Jamel will be in DC go check out those shows David Borey in the Vortress at the GSI on Twitter coolguyjokes87 on Instagram how are you man you're back i'm back you're back from the road with eric andre yeah i'm back from the road my insomnia is cured you
Starting point is 00:16:13 had insomnia i had insomnia bad on the road what was that like it was i just wasn't sleeping it sucked really bad you just be like laying in bed at like 2 a.m. just like Yeah, from like 2 to 10, 3 to 10 and then I'd just wake up and start the day again. Let that extra menu play. What? You know, when you're in a hotel room. Extra, extra. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just like haunting you. Yeah,
Starting point is 00:16:37 yeah, yeah. You guys aren't going to believe what Jennifer Garner did last night. Mario Lopez was drifting in and out of my consciousness for sure. More than usual. It takes a lot to beat the idea to Rod, but especially if you're Tito the dog. Where does he cheated on his wife the day before they got married?
Starting point is 00:16:54 Tito the dog? Tito the dog? Damn. With Tito the dog? Rough. Yo. Rough indeed. Rough.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Yeah. Wait. So Mario, whose word is this? The street. Which street? A lot of them. A lot of them. 185th out in Beaverton?
Starting point is 00:17:13 110th Street for sure said that. Across 110th Street. You tweeted about American Gangster having a good soundtrack the other day, right? There are some good songs on there. That song's on there. Bobby Womack across 110th Street. Oh, really? Yeah. Also, the American Gangster soundtrack by Jay- good songs on there. That song's on there. Bobby Womack across 110th Street. Oh, really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:25 Also the American Gangster soundtrack by Jay-Z. That's very good. That's what I was talking about. Wait, what did you say? The movie American Gangster. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. Yeah. Oh, I'm talking about the...
Starting point is 00:17:34 I think that song is in the movie. I was talking about the Jay-Z album. There's a Jay-Z album called American Gangster? Yeah, but it's for the movie. Well, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. It has to be. But it's all... I think that we're not hitting the same.
Starting point is 00:17:48 Really? I believe that that Bobby Womack song is in the movie. It is. But it's not on this Jay-Z album. It's not on the album. On the soundtrack. Is that song, Ain't no love in the heart of the city,
Starting point is 00:17:59 that Jay-Z song? It's all original songs, I think. Well, that's just from... That's from Blueprint. It's got like blue magic on it. Ain't no love... Mar songs, I think. Well, that's just from... That's from Blueprint. That's from... It's got like blue magic on it. Ain't no... Marissa, cut out... In the heart of...
Starting point is 00:18:09 Cut out the last 26 minutes and 30 seconds. Marissa, absolutely do not... Marissa, put Echo and Airhorns on it. Cut out the last 26 minutes now and 37 seconds of this. So what was the tour like? I am like facing away from you, which is very weird. When I talk to you, I have to be like... You're facing the TV.
Starting point is 00:18:27 You're looking at the TV and nothing's playing. This is the rockiest start to an AFE in years. No, it's good. I feel good about it. It's loopy. Probably good we didn't do two eps today. Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to go pound that 1942 over there, and then I'll be in the zone. What is that? That's that Don Julio 1942,
Starting point is 00:18:43 dude, in that tall bottle over there oh the don julio that stuff goes down quite easily i call it don julio uh what was it like man it was like being on tour it was cool man it was fun to go to mainland florida i had a miami night yeah that i will never forget what was the miami night really i'm not really gonna go into not a liberty to say? I'm not going to go into what happened, but it was... I did all the stuff you want to do in Miami. Awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Pork belly cubanos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Versailles. Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. Took in some museums. Party in the city with the heaters on. Went to the dollar store, the ballet, as it were. Noticed the gradual effects of global warming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kane is in the city where the heat is on. Went to the dollar store, the ballet, as it were. Yeah, yeah. Noticed the gradual effects of global warming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:28 Kane is in the building. They say the rainstorms ain't nothing to mess with, but I can't feel a drip on this trip. It's a trip. Damn. Okay. My hands have to be fully equipped, and they've been screaming out,
Starting point is 00:19:39 Will, we loved your last hit. Yeah, the tour was so much fun, man. Did you see Trick Daddy while you were there? No, I wanted to go to his restaurant, but it was further than I did. What's Trick Daddy's restaurant? I don't know what it's called. It's in my Instagram, but it was further than I thought it was. Did you see Gabrielle Union when you were there?
Starting point is 00:19:56 I saw a yacht parked outside of my hotel. Whoa. Okay. Exactly. I saw what seemed to be like everyone from the Latin Grammys. Hell yeah. Do you see a lot of white outfits? I saw a lot of white outfits.
Starting point is 00:20:13 A lot of hats. Did you see Mr. World what? What? No. You don't just see people. One does not just go to Miami and see. People only get seen if he wants to be seen. Yeah. People could be in this room right now. You wouldn't know unless he wanted you to.
Starting point is 00:20:29 He wears a cloak of many colors. Pitbull. Dale. Tour was incredible. Thanks everybody for coming out. Thanks to all the new fans I have. Eric Andre special is going to be really cool. New Orleans was super fun. And,
Starting point is 00:20:45 uh, and then I came home and I don't have insomnia anymore. And it's been the craziest three months of my entire life. Amazing. Beautiful. And now we're heading into the holidays. Yeah. And I got,
Starting point is 00:20:55 and you can sleep to do. Yeah, dude, I'm doing nothing. Uh, yeah, dude, I'm Ian Carmel.
Starting point is 00:21:04 At Ian Carmel on Twitter at Ian Carmel on Instagram. Anything coming I'm Ian Carmel. You're Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. Anything coming up? At Ian Carmel on Jewish. Sean saying clown posse app. Nice. For the Sean saying clown posse fans out there. Bishan say.
Starting point is 00:21:15 Do we ever say that one? Oh, Bishan say no holes, dude. Bishan say Joles. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
Starting point is 00:21:22 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.
Starting point is 00:21:24 Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan.. Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan., Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordanowls? Well, we'll workshop it off, Mike. Shout out to the gift card for a cheese store that has been on my fridge
Starting point is 00:21:30 since I was in a relationship with that Amanda girl. There it is. I just noticed it because I never sit in this chair. It has been on there since 2015. Thank you, Matt Bronger and Kara Baker. I don't really have anything coming up either, man. Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden. Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden.
Starting point is 00:21:49 Listen to All Fans See Everything. Keep a lookout for Game On coming to the Columbia Broadcasting System. Game On! At some point, hopefully soon. Watch out for Detox for sure. Keep an eye on Detox. Yeah, yeah. Damn, dude, I don't really have anything to plug either.
Starting point is 00:22:03 Oh, yes, I do. Madison, Wisconsin, February. Am I going? Yeah, you're going. Nice. damn dude i don't really have anything to plug either oh yes i do madison wisconsin february am i going yeah you're going nice sean jordan and i will be comedy on state let me find the exact date for you it's valentine's day had to run it by the queen that's right how did the queen like it just thrilled absolutely beautiful we'll be there we'll be eating at ian's pizza we'll be noticing roni and cheese pizza we'll be there we'll be eating at ian's pizza we'll be macaroni and cheese pizza we'll be noticing both those lakes mendota and the other one i'm gonna go say what's up to dave mayhew he's gonna talk to him about erin spider tyron olsen pete lehman yeah i believe those are the the wisconsin professional skateboard i'm gonna
Starting point is 00:22:39 be giving a fiery and impassioned speech on the steps of the capitol building you know we're gonna be doing all sorts of madison tell those motherfuckers and i will giving a fiery and impassioned speech on the steps of the Capitol building. Tell them! We're going to be doing all sorts of Madison, Wisconsin shit. Tell those motherfuckers. And I will be teaching a class on thermonuclear dynamics at the University of Wisconsin. Sure. Earlier in the day. So come to that and then come to the show. I think the last time I was there,
Starting point is 00:22:58 Shane recorded his album and I was opening and somebody brought him up as Sean Torres. Wow. And I loved it. Now, is that the first time that's happened? No, it's well, that was the first time, but it has since happened again.
Starting point is 00:23:08 Not the last time though. It happened like two weeks ago. Oh my goodness. Um, yeah. So now we are gathered here today in the fortress, not only to discuss things that are happening in Madison, Wisconsin,
Starting point is 00:23:19 uh, at any given day, but also any given day, any given day, uh, to draft internet videos. It's the perfect day for it because what we'd be doing right now
Starting point is 00:23:29 if we weren't recording an all fantasy everything, your favorite podcast is watching internet videos, probably getting very, very baked and at some point ordering a pizza that would give me agita and heartburn. You know, it's not too late for all those things to also happen. What's agita, by the way? I don't know. It's a fun things to all those things. Well, it's all going to
Starting point is 00:23:45 absolutely happen by the way. I don't know. It's a fun word to say, though. I think it's kind of like heartburn. Is it a real word? Agita? Agita. Absolutely. Agita or Agita? Well, how do you want to say it? Agita, dude. Dragon Ball Z. It's pronounced Agita. Google it. Well, it's over 9000.
Starting point is 00:24:02 Okay. Agita. Yeah, that's what we'll be doing anyway. But we're not. I am so off my game. No, you're on. I like it. Yeah, I think you're on it a couple times. It's different karms.
Starting point is 00:24:15 It's still funny. It's the long sleeve shirt. That's what it is. How the fuck do we start this? Boy, this is going up in the rafters. Drafting favorite internet videos. Yeah. Bang.
Starting point is 00:24:28 Got it? Yeah. Now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Okay. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Starting point is 00:24:41 David. David wins. Who's shooting up? Stay shooting up. Now, David, as the was shooting up. Stay shooting up. Now, David, as the winner of Rock Pickles. Yeah, you heard me. I haven't seen that. You have been saying it a lot. I put that in the group thread.
Starting point is 00:24:54 You said it really loud at dinner last night and I didn't like it. Yeah, but people don't know what that means. No. Yeah. It's not at the smokehouse. No, not at the smokehouse. At the Roost, they know. They do know at the Roost. I didn't say it loud. You didn't say it quiet. Was I being loud?
Starting point is 00:25:08 No, we were all loud. You're fine. You're fine. You're going to get in his head and he's going to feel bad. No, I don't want you getting in his head. No, don't fucking coddle me. Was I being loud? No.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Everyone was being loud. It was a lie. We were all being loud. All right. Now I'm in my head about it. Look at him. See, I told you. Yeah, his cross just got tighter.
Starting point is 00:25:23 It's a tight cross. It got loose. It's looser now. cross just got tight. It's a tight cross. It got loose. It's looser now. I don't know if that's a loose cross. David, as the winner of Rock Paper Scissors, it is coming up on you to determine the order of today's draft. Basking in the glory of Rasheed Wallace hovering above us.
Starting point is 00:25:35 There he goes. What will the order of today's draft be? But before you decide that, I need to remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. Let's say that somebody serves you a heaping pile of bacon-wrapped scallop. Here we go. It was five of them total.
Starting point is 00:25:49 Take a bite. He took one. Take a bite. You don't think you're going to puke on the table, but you're not sure you're not going to puke. So to chase it, you look at your old-fashioned that you have sitting there, and you take a drink of your old-fashioned, and you're like, man, that was great, but I should probably chase it with some water instead of liquor. So then you go over to the water that you have sitting right next to your old-fashioned,
Starting point is 00:26:06 take a drink of that, and you're like, maybe the liquor would actually help because this bacon-wrapped scallop was so shitty and so bad and lame that maybe the liquor would make me forget about it. But before you take another drink of the liquor, you take a drink of your water again because you want to be conscious of your health. Then you go back to the old passion, take a drink, and you're like, God, I think I might have been wrong about the liquor situation. Maybe I should drink
Starting point is 00:26:29 some water. Before you do that, you're like, oh, we're out. We're all friends here. We took some photos. So you take another drink of the old passion. Then you go back to the water, take a drink of the water. So just kind of just go back and forth. Basically what it means is you've picked
Starting point is 00:26:45 fourth in the first round you pick first in the second round now you don't think maybe the fact that you were nauseous was perhaps inspired by the fact that you were chasing a scallop with an old-fashioned yeah i could have something to do with it were you bored in a bar it was like i was cutting through an organ when i when i cut into that thing it was so gross dude i don't know you're drinking a candied cherry in it, you know? I just can't do it. David, what is the order of today's draft going to be? It's going to be just as we're sitting.
Starting point is 00:27:12 Me, Jamel, Sean, Ian, Carmel. They call that the hot corner, baby. The hot corner. I'm starting to wake up. I'm going to go first because my picks are all kind of bad. All right. David, Jamel, Sean St. Clown Posse,
Starting point is 00:27:26 Ian Carmel. David, it is time for you on first break, but before we do that, we're going to take a short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language,
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Starting point is 00:29:43 at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash allfantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash allfantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash allfantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius, I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age.
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Starting point is 00:32:10 Trustpilot, from customers who've felt the benefits of their service. So get on it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't procrastinate. Oh, yeah, I got a song on Spotify as a rapper. That's neither here nor there. Don't put off life insurance. Make it easy with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus.
Starting point is 00:32:51 It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to keep your anxiety at bay, which, man, wouldn't that be nice? And it's going to do it all day long. It's like a Swiss army knife for your mind. Might sound like a magic pill. I know I said it before, but that's, I swear to God, it's the plot of Limitless. It might sound like that, but you can actually get it done. You know, there's the magic of microdosing with Schedule 35. Their products, they're backed by science and dosed to a precise amount so you get exactly what you need to tackle your toughest days and you don't get the hallucinogenic effects. I feel like there's a lot of stigma attached with things like this. But Schedule 35, they're on a mission to de-stigmatize and educate on the science
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Starting point is 00:33:59 be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code all fantasy at schedule 35.co. That's 15% off at schedule 35.co and use promo code all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything. David Borey. I want everybody to think I just went and like railed a bunch of lines in the bathroom. Just like different now.
Starting point is 00:34:28 David Borey. Is this your first back in the are you are you playing the video oh great idea oh i love so a lot of years ago okay maybe i mean let me see how long ago is this but you gotta make so six years ago a bunch of kids came to a park together to freestyle one of the guys had a name the other guy's name super hot fire do you guys remember these freestyle videos super hot fire he'd be like bleep bleep bleep blow bling blow and then all his friends would pick him up and like oh it was like six of them hold on i'll play it well this is no we'll just have so for those of you who know this video, you know, the meme that like gets passed around. Yeah. Of like some dude just kind of being like, yeah, I just did that.
Starting point is 00:35:11 All of his friends freaking out and like running by the camera. It's that. So how can people find this? What's it called? Just type in super hot fire. Super hot fire. But they were like freestyle rap videos because at the time you would see all these videos online and it would it would be a guy it would be a guy saying something that wasn't funny and then all
Starting point is 00:35:31 of his friends go and ape shit and it's just like they just parried it so i watched these videos i've probably seen this video 300 times you know no it's very. I've never even heard of it. Are you serious? You've seen that meme though, right? I have. Yeah, you guys gotta go and watch Super Hot Fire. Posted by Mr. Jehovah Man. Because he's not...
Starting point is 00:35:57 Facts. That's a big time video. All of the spelling is so phonetic. It's sick's sick also pert near five million views that's real dank and that's just this is just one of them so they did a bunch of these like would he literally like beep or would he just come up with it would just be like little dude it would just be like just things that weren't raps remember yeah he'd be like my cap green my crackers crispy and then everybody be like, my cap, green. My crackers, crispy.
Starting point is 00:36:26 And then everybody would be like, oh, what the fuck? Oh, shit. Some dude like shoots himself in the head. Yeah. We need more of this unconditional male love and friendship. You know what I mean? This is an important thing. Man, these videos are so funny.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Well, what's right about this is this came out six years ago, and I feel like that... It's more than six years ago. More than six years ago, originally. But the meme persists to this day. Yeah. It's fucking powerful. It's such a funny...
Starting point is 00:36:54 It's just like what I like internet videos to be. It's funny, and there's a good misdirect. And I watched them a million times. Yeah. That's with those early internet videos, before we were used to having internet videos. You just watch it all the fucking time. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:10 So fun. On E-bomb's world's homepage or whatever. In between there and rotten.com. You had a whole day. You know, E-bomb's world was my first writing job. Was it really? Yeah, I wrote for E-bomb. They were based in, or they're probably still based in San Francisco for a while.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Yeah, I wrote for them. E-bomb's world, dude. Yeah yeah i wrote a couple memes no big deal did you let's just say i had a meme with michael cera and ellen page and it said don't be silly juno i don't wear condoms wow guys a career is. It spans a lot of different things. Are you Mr. Jehovah? He's Mr. Jehovah. I'm Mr. Jehovah Man. Mr. Jehovah Man.
Starting point is 00:37:50 Comma Man. Comma Man. Psy Jehovah Man. One of my friends, Charles, was running for this. It was the first time I lived in LA. It was working for this website called Go Potato, which is the opposite of a couch potato. Oh, I get it.
Starting point is 00:38:06 I see what they did there. Sket sketches you could watch on your phone yeah and they paid me for like four sketches oh yeah nice uh the super hot fire video jamel and it's time for your first book okay my first pick uh another classic uh joe be the dog are you guys familiar with with joby the dog wait dive into it a little bit okay do i want to give it yeah sure if you haven't seen it fuck it spoiler alert yep this is a video of a dog taking a shit at the beach oh yeah yeah and it's a dude behind the camera with like a country accent he's like oh look at my dog joby look at let's come see how good he mind me look at this dog come get this ball boy and he throws the ball to the dog the dog grabs it he's like come on back joey and joey just stares at him for a while puts the ball down and then takes
Starting point is 00:38:56 his shit on it it's incredible he's like oh no you're so nasty just the nastiest thing yeah he like runs up to the ocean right yeah joe beat the dog get that ball over here dog come on dog come on play with it to this day I don't know if it's real
Starting point is 00:39:24 I mean the dog I mean mean that dog have all its legs yeah yeah he's just walking real weird sometimes i can't tell it does look like that dog doesn't have all of its legs i'll give you that yeah yeah takes the dog oh yeah he also takes it to the water that dog's built like an adatAT from Star Wars. What are those like? AT-AT. Yeah. And then you just go poops in the water. Yeah. Puts the ball down. He takes a messy shit.
Starting point is 00:39:57 It's so funny watching a dog get ready to take a shit where they're just like, where where exactly do I want to shit yeah because you know you're about to shit you start hearing the opening chords yeah and they it's like dogs really think it matters where exactly they shit I don't know we think it matters a toilet yeah exactly
Starting point is 00:40:17 doesn't want to hang out around shit right probably well I'm just gonna hold it in right look at his bag hanging down damn that's all his balls disgusting good for him he just buries the ball oh my god the wave oh no oh joey knows it this happens to me all the time god the best laid plans yeah i like that i like that a lot that's a great video that was really what i needed that video always hits that a lot. That's a great video. That was really what I needed. That video always hits. That's so fucking funny.
Starting point is 00:40:46 Every time. Oh my gosh. The wonderful thing about all these, I think we'll get into it more and more, but it's just like, and the wonderful thing about the internet is like, everyone's funny, you know? Yes.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Everybody's funny once. Everybody's funny. Everybody's got like some moments where they're just fucking hilarious. Yeah. It's one of my favorite things. I may have said it on this podcast before, but that Jerry Seinfeld said,
Starting point is 00:41:06 he was like, when they were, oh, it was that fucking with him, Ricky Gervais, Louis C.K. Talking funny. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:13 And they were like, Ricky Gervais got outclassed. Fucking Ricky Gervais, dude. He, but we can't even mention his name because he might find it. Seinfeld was like, how long you been doing standup?
Starting point is 00:41:21 Yeah. Okay. He seriously just goes, okay. But he was seriously just goes, okay. But he was like, like, were you the, like, were you the funny kid when you were like, were you the funny guy when you were a kid? And he was like, no, everyone was funny when we were kids. Yeah. Like everyone was funny.
Starting point is 00:41:35 Your friends were the funniest people. That's from comedian. He says that. Well, he says it in comedian. Oh, he does. Yeah. No, but you're talking about when, when he who must not be named talks about peeing on that kid.
Starting point is 00:41:44 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And they start talking. Yeah. Which is named talks about peeing on that kid. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And they start talking. Yeah. Which is very true, man. Like, everyone's funny. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Peeing on kids is funny. Peeing on kids is funny. When you're a kid. I'm just saying, if I peed on my little brother tomorrow, it would still be funny. That would still be pretty funny. And I don't know. I don't want to break any international laws. I'm not
Starting point is 00:42:09 here. I'm not like a deviant. But like, yeah, a grown up peeing on a kid is funny. It'd be, it's crazy to think about. Like if I woke up today, the one of you peeing on me by now would be funny. But think about peeing on a kid.
Starting point is 00:42:25 I don't want... Well, yeah. Like you're both in a urinal, and then you just turn and pee on that kid's shoes. That's very funny. Dude, I'll tell you this. That's so funny. What's he going to do?
Starting point is 00:42:38 He's going to go out to the food court? He has no choice. And he's going to tell his parents, some grown man peed on my shoes. By that time, you're gone. You left through the door in Nordstrom's. Yeah, man. I went through the fucking back door at Arby's.
Starting point is 00:42:50 When I was about 19, we went to San Diego to go to a skateboard trade show and my friend Micah, so I was in the shower and I left the bathroom unlocked in case anyone had to use the toilet. Why would you do that? Because I'm nice.
Starting point is 00:43:03 So he comes in and I'm standing in the shower and I look down and there's like a bunch of yellow like coming into my... He pissed. He pissed on my pee. That's so funny. I don't think I was mad at all. I mean, right away I was like, this is hilarious.
Starting point is 00:43:20 I'm in the shower, so it's already not a big deal. It's very funny. Fresh pee is not that gross. It's super clean. He just came and straight up pissed in the shower that I was taking. Did you guys pee yourselves recently? No, not this year.
Starting point is 00:43:34 Pee ourselves? I peed the bed once earlier this year. I accidentally pissed my jeans at Casa Diablo two years ago. Yeah, I remember that. I wasn't that i wasn't there i remember the story i was one of our friends who i won't mention because i don't know maybe he's ashamed that he goes to strip clubs but like uh i just got up joe biden my hat yeah and a bunch of money at the rack with him and i went to the bathroom and i was so faded that like i just i would i don't know what
Starting point is 00:44:04 happened but like all of a sudden I'm like, oh shit, I'm like, I'm standing in front of the urinal. And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I'm pissing all over my pants. And it's like two 30 in the morning. And I'm like, how do I get from this strip club, which is in a very industrial far flung part of Portland. It's like, it's like out of Portland almost. It's like, it's like a mile out of Portland and Northwest.
Starting point is 00:44:24 It's wild. So I just abandoned my friend there. I didn't even tell him. You got it. I didn't even tell him. If you're covered in pee, you got to go. Gone all of a sudden. I couldn't be like, hey, man, I pissed myself.
Starting point is 00:44:33 So I'm gone. Pee in Carmel. Pee in Carmel, dude. So I was just out of there. Jeez. It was an expensive mistake. Yeah, he called me like that right then. He's like, hey, I don't know where he went. I'm like, because you had
Starting point is 00:44:48 told me. I'm like, he's good. I didn't tell him what happened. I was like, he's good. Don't worry. There's nothing like the cold from weather. Sorry for being crass, but when hot like when you piss your
Starting point is 00:45:04 pants and then that goes cold. Good decision to bad decision. That is a cold cold. Good decision to bad decision. That is a cold cold. I peed my pants. There's only one colder fluid cold. What is that?
Starting point is 00:45:19 We all know it is. I'm not going to say it out loud. I don't know if I do know. That other fluid that we have that dries cold. Oh, jizz. Oh. The jackfruit. I might have guessed it was jizz from your
Starting point is 00:45:33 reluctance to mention it, but that's on me. Sean, tell me your first pick. My first pick is Unforgivable. It's the best. It's the best. You got that. There was two. I knew you were going to pull. I got the other one.
Starting point is 00:45:48 That was the first internet video I remember ever watching. You better not handle Piano. That's a mistake. I remember Adam and I were at Wes and Becca's house. Soul Crate. Yeah. So we were at our friend's house and Adam and I were like,
Starting point is 00:46:03 everyone come. It was when there was like a computer in the house. So we're like, let's go into the computer room. And it would be like, I remember when there was a computer in the forest just like saying gross, crazy shit to his buddy. And he kept laughing a bunch. And anyway, it's just it's just like ridiculous, like crazy, ruthless, dirty girl. I took this girl to Silver Bowl. Took it to Silver Bowl. Bitch, you ain't no nerd. She was like, I don't like video games, but you ain't no nerd. Can I tell you? I mean, he said, who's that a picture. She was like, I don't like video games, but you ain't no nerd. Can I tell you?
Starting point is 00:46:45 He said, who's that a picture of? She said, my brother. I said, bitch, you don't know how to know brothers. So we're at this party, and Adam and I, we bring everyone in the party into the computer room, and we were just enthralled with the video. We were thrilled about it.
Starting point is 00:47:01 And then it gets done, and we look back, and everybody's gone. Like, everybody goes to the other room. And it was just Adam and I sitting there, and we look back and everybody's gone like everybody and it was just adam and i sit in there and we're like we come back out we're like what are you doing and i think my friend our friend west was like that was stupid and i'm like what it was i don't know it was it's hilarious it is stupid but give me a chicken sandwich with some waffle fries for free. And a Coke to drink or something. And a Coke to drink or something.
Starting point is 00:47:31 And he breaks like this. A couple of them where he like breaks a little bit. You ain't no nerd. I could have swore you was. That guy. We're going to watch Dr. Chivago and Bridge Over the River quiet. It's going to be a lame night. I still say that when I'm going to like stay in a watcher booth. It's's gonna be a lame night i still say that when i'm gonna like stay in a watcher it's gonna be a lame it's gonna be a lame night like that guy is fucking hilarious
Starting point is 00:47:52 where is that guy right now his name is gunner stanson and i got him on the phone one time really i got him on the phone one stop whoa this is me i was i wasn't ready i wasn't ready his name was gunner stanson. Gunner? Yeah. Cheese and rice. He's like a huge soccer fan, right? Like if you notice,
Starting point is 00:48:09 like in a lot of videos, he's wearing like some soccer. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I had just even started watching soccer for real. Like they added like the Fox soccer channel to my parents cable. You feel me?
Starting point is 00:48:21 And I was doing, I had just been doing open mics for like, like five days, you know, but I was like, Oh, like doing open mics for like like five days you know but i was like oh like brand new i'm like new new and i'm like oh you know it'd be sick as if i you know i did this soccer thing with this crazy guy i like oh you know it'd be sick if i did this soccer thing and like i called him i had to somehow got his number off. Like, is MySpace or something? Yeah. Tracked this fool down. I mean, he was just like, first off, he hung up on me at first. Of course he did.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Yeah. Because it's like, I'm a child. I'm like a baby on the phone. You call, yeah, you call this grown man. I'm like, hey, I think you're real funny. Hey, got a week on me? You want to watch soccer or something? And he like asked me some question i didn't know the
Starting point is 00:49:05 answer and he was just like hung up on me and i called him back i was like look all right i don't know i don't know shit but you're the shit and he just sounded like he was into it but i just never pulled anything off i wasn't i wasn't ready my game my game wasn't tight i'm sorry gunner rad though i'm real sorry on the. I had him on the phone. I remember when I was a, oh, gosh, I bet I was like 24 or something. My friend, Rude, and I, we took a big, long road trip, and we went to Sacramento where we knew there was a skateboarder, professional skateboarder named Brandon Beeble lived.
Starting point is 00:49:39 So we looked up all the Beebles in the phone book, and I called all of them. Wow. I don't know what i was yeah what were you trying to reach them for nothing just to be like hey dude you're dope but yeah i called there were like five bibles called them all and yeah none of them worked just one of the like a phone book that that's something that's that's gone now where you can't like to straight up find they got phone books though i mean but yeah you know i like my numbers you can't go look up
Starting point is 00:50:05 tom cruise in the phone book chill out boomer chill out boomer with that phone book stuff you know my favorite internet video is the phone book and a goddamn video store i'm taking cheers i don't. The phone book in a goddamn video store for God's sake. My money. I don't know if it gets any better. Yeah. Unforgivable. My first pick a firm handshake. All Troy can do is get it there. That shit was. Yeah. Unforgivable is so fucking funny. Yeah. That's I never knew that guy's name. That's good to know. Yeah. I understand. It was, it was so good. It was so funny. And then after every video, it's unforgivable.
Starting point is 00:50:49 Yeah. This is prime Facebook time. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that was still my space. Was it still? Yeah. I was going to say,
Starting point is 00:50:54 it was my space on the way out at this point. Well, it was probably like the death rattle of my space, but yeah. Who did we play that for? And they were like, they thought it was really, Oh,
Starting point is 00:51:04 it was when i was dating that girl yeah that's right okay anyway i was dating so i'm not gonna mention who but i was dating someone joni mitchell it was joni mitchell i mean honestly she wrote that song about you yeah both sides now yeah uh well we've played it for her she's like younger and very like uh a bookish it was so funny that is the opposite like a bookish. It was so funny. That is the opposite of books. A bookish young woman. Unforgivable is the opposite of books. We were dying laughing.
Starting point is 00:51:32 She just was like, this is stupid. That's terrible. That's terrible. I mean, yeah, but no. Like, yeah, it's. Like, yeah. It's one of those things where there's no arguing your way out of it.
Starting point is 00:51:50 It's not a job for a lawyer. It's a job for a gun. You know, it's like that kind of thing. It's funny. All right. Put that on my shoes. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:58 This is humor. We're not going to. This is funny. Don't add inches to your dick. You get a life sentence fine. Unforgivable. Fantastic. For my first pick, I'm going to take something that I imagine you also had on your list.
Starting point is 00:52:13 I'm sure I do. The Ken Bastida video. Yeah. God damn it. I was going to pick a second. I don't know it. Yeah, you do. Well, it's your pick. Hold on. I'm looking it up. It's reporting. Somebody filling in.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Ken Bastina. Dana's off today. Huh? Dana is off today. Oh, yeah. Dana's off today. I'm Ken Bastina. So they like,
Starting point is 00:52:38 is this newscaster? Do you know what we're talking about, Jamil? Sort of. So he's like, introducing why he's there. He's filling in for the other guy. But then without long enough of a pause. Not even a sort of pause.
Starting point is 00:52:49 With no pause, goes in immediately to their first story. So he's like, I'm Ken Bastina. Dana is off today. He was raped and murdered while celebrating his birthday. He was murdered and set on fire. Oh, that's what it is. Murdered and set on fire while celebrating his birthday. He straight up goes,
Starting point is 00:53:06 Dana's off today. I'm Ken Bastida. Dana's off today. He was murdered and set on fire while celebrating his birthday. And then it shows the picture, and I feel terrible laughing, but it shows the picture of this dude who was murdered and set on fire while celebrating his birthday. That part actually happened. Who's not Ken Bastida.
Starting point is 00:53:22 It's like, it's just insane that that made it on to the air. I guess it was probably live, but like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you're the backup. Yeah. That's why Dana had to call in sick. He was murdered and set on fire. It's he was he was murdered, then set on fire.
Starting point is 00:53:44 And it was like dog. And this fire, and it was his birthday. It's like, dog. And this dude had a smile on his face while he was saying it. It's wild. I'm Ken Bastida. Dana is off tonight. He was murdered and set on fire while celebrating his birthday. It's just...
Starting point is 00:53:58 Dude, it's bonkers that it came out the way it did. Said it like he did it, huh? Yeah. Yeah. So now I'm here. All right. And it's off today. I murdered him and set him on fire.
Starting point is 00:54:13 I'm here. Local TV broadcasts are so important. So important. We can't lose that. That, I mean, honestly, if we have to get rid of print news to save TV. If it's only one. For sure.
Starting point is 00:54:27 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Print. Unfortunately, print can go away. I don't read. It's a personal choice. I don't do a lot of things I don't do.
Starting point is 00:54:35 But yeah. You don't say Taekwondo, right? You don't read. You don't do TV. I'll show you Taekwondo, right? You want to keep fucking running your mouth. I'll show you. Black belt right next to your head.
Starting point is 00:54:44 You should have come, dude. Yeah. yeah you know what's better than the world section uh watching a weatherman who doesn't know where he is yeah well there's north carolina sorry yeah sorry i was in the yukon territory for a second you can feel the residue of the awkward conversation that was happening right before the cameras went live yeah you know yeah i wouldn't say i have a problem and then all right we're on yeah yeah like the the woman had become friends with the guy's wife and but now they're breaking up and it's like it's very tense you know and then they go back into it local tv is me i often like think about if i had stayed in portland like what kind of local TV I'd be doing at this point.
Starting point is 00:55:25 Cause it for sure be some kind of local TV. I don't know what it would be. I might be like a human interest stories for like the news. You know, we are like, you don't see carousels much anymore, but one place you can see them. Jansen beach.
Starting point is 00:55:38 Yeah. Jansen beach. God, I remember that. They haven't cared. They had one. They don't have any more. Um,
Starting point is 00:55:44 yeah, I do, uh, for snow jam, hopefully I'm going to get to do some local TV and I've never done it before. remember that yeah they haven't cared they had one they don't have any more um yeah i dude uh for snow jam hopefully i'm gonna get to do some local tv and i've never done it before oh never got to do local tv and it's frustrating because you know i'm one of i'm from you know let me do some local tv january jones adam vanateri didn't dude your boy shane schroeder just did local tv mike miller right now we'll get back to that in a second, Mike Miller is the interim coach of the New York Knicks. Are you fucking kidding me?
Starting point is 00:56:09 A South Dakota boy is the coach of the New York Knicks right now. Was he staffed on the Knicks? He was an assistant coach. UF's finest. I didn't know that at all. That is, dude, South Dakota's coming up, boy. This is our year. Yeah, we already had somebody run for the presidency about 50 years ago.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Now we got a coach on the Knicks. Forget about it. At this rate? George McGovern. George McGovern. You might have a Jeopardy winner at some point in the next 100 years. McGovern. So for everybody wondering where David is, I think he's pooping and not peeing.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Yeah, this is, it seems. Okay. You got me. Keep going on campus. is, I think he's pooping and not peeing. Yeah, this is, it seems... Everybody wondering where David was. I think he might have been pooping. Marissa, delete the last one hour and 15 minutes and 17 seconds of this podcast. Replace it with air horns and then come in now.
Starting point is 00:57:05 All right. We're only on the first round. For Christ's sake. Okay. For my second pick. Made the earth sick. I made the earth sick. God, I can't take unforgivable.
Starting point is 00:57:17 Fuck. Yeah. How many is on your list? I got quite a few. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about carbs. Oh, so my second one is there uh, there's a video of, uh,
Starting point is 00:57:25 y'all are familiar with the television program. Frazier is a spinoff of the show. Cheers. Absolutely. Starring Kelsey grammar, baby. I hear the blues are calling. Toss Alice and scramble eggs and Seattle's finest.
Starting point is 00:57:37 Seattle's finest. Seattle's finest was dead left shrimp. And I'll hear nothing else. I can't even believe you would let that come out of your mouth. It was Sean Kemp. We all know that I was kidding. I had a Sean Kemp fucking short set. It was tight.
Starting point is 00:57:52 I had a Sonics basketball. I never thought about that. I was wearing a short set playing with a Sonics basketball on my hoop that was like six feet tall. I don't know. No, I haven't left Sioux Falls ever. But I like NBA gym.
Starting point is 00:58:09 There's a, so back to Kelsey Grammer. Yes. Back to country grammar, actually. Your street in a Range Rover. Man, that was the song of the fair when I was like 16. Does this seem weird? Just, I guess, to go off on another tangent. Does Nelly have the place in our collective awareness that he deserves?
Starting point is 00:58:29 Should he be bigger? Those songs were so huge, but they don't seem to have a lot of staying power. I don't know. I think Country Grammar and EI for sure. I mean, if you throw them on at a wedding, that's big business. Hot in Her is... Yeah. We should put it into space.
Starting point is 00:58:44 Is it? I don't like that song that much. What? I don't like it that much. Hot in Her. I Yeah. We should put it in the space. Is it okay? I don't like that song that much. What? I don't like it that much. Hot in Her. I don't like it that much. Interesting take. I really don't.
Starting point is 00:58:52 EI is my favorite Nelly song. I love EI. Well, you like that. That's a taster's choice. That's a good one. Yeah. It's so fucking good. All in my head.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Think about it over and over again. One of my first jokes, and I may have said it on here. One of my very first jokes was I go, Nelly and Tim McGraw made a song together. They go together like condoms and staples. Uh-huh. You know what song I liked is Nelly, I love you.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Kelly Rowland? The incomparable Kelly Rowland. Batter Up was a really good song. I love Better Up. That video. I mean, there was like a few years where Nelly was the best rapper. He was like Trace McGrady. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:31 Trace McGrady is an excellent comp for Nelly. Yeah. Like two good calendar years. And he was making money, dude. You guys remember Midwest Swing? The end of Rapstar is making a bunch of money. There was air forces. M-Pimp choosing us.
Starting point is 00:59:47 Is it? What were you going to say, Sean? There was that other song that was uh god it was like a midwest swing yeah midwest swing obviously but they sampled um oh my god it was uh well continue i'll think of it batter up no for the rate he was making hit songs you know what i mean like in that chunk it doesn't seem weird that he hasn't had any staying power i don't know ride with me is an american classic it is yeah yeah but is it a weird that he didn't keep making good music is what i'm saying all those songs are like yeah like they still fucking are great and shake your tail feather was the end of it yeah yeah on the bad boys 2 soundtrack yeah and when did it start country grammar yeah so from like 6th to 10th
Starting point is 01:00:26 grade. He had like, and he made so many good songs and you think someone like, you know, anyone can like make a hit. Well, not anyone, but like a lot of people can make like one or two hits, you know what I mean? But it's weird that he had so many amazing songs and then just like stopped. And nobody ever talks about where the party
Starting point is 01:00:41 at anymore. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a weird thing to me. He said, coming as is, do rags and Tims. Where the party at? You can be 18 with an attitude or 19, kind of snotty action. Cutting it close, Nell. You can be legal or just above legal. Those are your two options. But I do have to be your only way to get alcohol.
Starting point is 01:01:06 Close. Gotten it close, Nelly. I'm taking Kelsey Grammer falling off the stage. That's what we were talking about. In the middle of it. Before we dove into Nelly, that's what we were talking about. There's a video. Kelsey Grammer is like, and it's just so funny because he's so pompous and so full of himself and has like
Starting point is 01:01:25 a little bit of a British accent, even though he's not British and he's just walking and he's like, he's doing this very like amused with himself sort of like talk about like, that was the thing about the Revolutionary War because, you know, and then like, like made some like, like snarky remark and then falls off the
Starting point is 01:01:42 stage and it's like, oh, good Lord. You know, I didn't know he was not speaking in a British accent until last year. Really? It's supposed to be a Boston Brahmin. I didn't know that. Is that his accent? Yeah. Boston Brahmin? What's that? It's like the rich. There's a type of accent. Yeah. Were you from Boston and also
Starting point is 01:01:58 rich? Yeah, but I always thought he was British. I thought that was the point of the show. I thought him and his brother had grown up British and their dad group in America Niles right what is that his brother's name in the show Niles yeah Niles sorry guys I gotta watch Kelsey Grommer
Starting point is 01:02:12 yeah I never thought he was British I just definitely sounds like what I thought it was like to go to therapy though like okay this is what it sounds like when you go to therapy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just how you talk. Absolutely. Like all, yeah. They say the whole word.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Yeah. You know? Yeah. I also didn't fuck with Frasier. I fucked with Frasier at the time. I was in on Frasier. My folks didn't watch it and I didn't watch it. Yeah. I didn't either. Yeah. I never, I never, I honestly honestly i've never really
Starting point is 01:02:46 fucked with it i honestly mostly i fuck with kelsey grammar because of girlfriends which is amazing i watched it though i was like white sitcoms was like my alone time yeah we would watch so many black sitcoms i know i mean he's the best ever kelsey grammar did really he did girlfriends which is unreal he's the best ever Kelsey Grammer was a black sitcom Kelsey Grammer did? He did Girlfriends which is unreal He's the executive producer And The Game Which are two of the longest running black shows ever
Starting point is 01:03:14 The Game is still on? It's kind of I feel like The Game has been on and cancelled like three times Yeah they're doing webisodes on Freeform right now They're still pumping games. Yeah, the game is. That show's good, too.
Starting point is 01:03:28 But yeah, Kelsey Grammer, for some reason, made Girlfriends. I had no idea. Yeah, man. And he fell off the fucking stage, too. It's hilarious. It's just I love how pompous he is right before. Oh, I got somebody falling off stage, too. And then immediately falls off.
Starting point is 01:03:42 So that's my second pick. Sean, time for your second pick. We're going to pep it up a little bit oh shit all right um i'm gonna do the reporter that got the b in his mouth so there was this dude he was talking very much like a reporter and then a b flew in his mouth or like a fly or something and then he flipped out and and really was different nobody knows what I'm talking about. I feel like this is falling on deaf ears. I don't know if I do.
Starting point is 01:04:07 What the hell is the B&O? So I'm out here. I'm out here. I'm reporting, and then pollen, shit, beet, country ass.
Starting point is 01:04:15 Yeah, he loses it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because he's like, I'm out here, and I'm out in the wind and weather,
Starting point is 01:04:22 and then a beet on the ground. Yeah, he like code switches. I'm out here in this country ass and then... Oh, the guy who like code switches. I'm not hearing this country ass pollen, sweating, it's hot. That is a hot ass. He's got like the Greg Gumbel voice right off the bat, right?
Starting point is 01:04:35 And then he turns into Greg Gumbel. He gets so pissed off quick. With a shag. He's also sporting a shag and he's outside of a little league prison. It does look like a little league prison. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Anyway,
Starting point is 01:04:54 he's got the high collar too. That's been one of my favorites forever. Just how, cause he's, you know, shit. We got to turn it off. What are you doing?
Starting point is 01:05:04 I don't know how it's doing. David just played a video that someone's going to pick. I'm going to pick. Yeah. Um, I don't even know what to call it. I guess just, uh,
Starting point is 01:05:13 pollen is the word that, that sticks out to me. Uh, yeah, just the reporter, something flies in his mouth and then he gets pissed. And then he just, and you can tell it's been festering all day.
Starting point is 01:05:24 It looks hot and he's got a real high collar on that shirt high you know that's like uncomfortable it was probably a long van ride out for a remote they like didn't really need you didn't like why i have to go all the way out there for the story we can't sorry i got a bunch of stuff and shotgun so you're gonna have to sit in the back with the camera stuff but like you know for the fucking desk god that's like the one day i was a plumber's apprentice back when I was 16, there were only two seats in the van and everything else was equipment. So I didn't like sit on a bucket in the back of it after like a 12 hour shift. I've had to do that when I go to, when I'm back home. And if like DJ or Mike will drive us
Starting point is 01:05:58 to the skate park, they drive work vans. And a lot of times I'll be sitting in the back with all the tools and shit and you're like this is wild there's a loose sawzall yeah just bouncing around in the back yeah they can tell you where everything is and what it's called by the way without even looking and i'm like yeah there's there's like there's the bucket by that yeah all right i don't know i know what a sawzall is and that's the only word I hung on to. Yeah. Sawzall there by the quarter inch, a quarter inch pipes there. It does freak me out because that blade is kind of like freestanding.
Starting point is 01:06:32 Cause it goes. Yeah. It's like a sword. It's like a swordfish. You gotta be like good with that. Yeah. You gotta be nice with the sawzall. It does exactly what the name is.
Starting point is 01:06:41 Sawzall. Sawzall. Yeah. No matter what. Anyway, that reporter with a beef line. It is. Hell yeah,
Starting point is 01:06:47 dude. Jamel, tell me your second pick. My second pick is kind of a recent one. Yeah. Um, it's a video from little Boosie's Instagram. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:58 Where he's got him in a draft. One time we were drafting the rappers with Lillian, their name. And I took low Boosie before David did. It's not, not a sensitive subject. Sean's favorite rapper, little Boosie before David did. It's not a sensitive subject. Sean's favorite rapper, Lil Boosie, he has a video where he's very upset
Starting point is 01:07:09 with the very upset with the quality of Starbucks breakfast. Oh, yeah! Oh, he gets so mad about the biscuits. Really? Yeah. He's got these biscuits And he's like He's like Man I just left
Starting point is 01:07:26 Dumbass Starbucks And they got fucking Bacon egg and cheese sandwiches Sausage egg and cheese sandwiches But they do not serve Jelly with they biscuits Get out the fucking Come on man
Starting point is 01:07:36 Biscuit game bitch What the fuck y'all doing Stop selling Fucking breakfast in Stick to your coffee Sell your fucking coffee Stop selling breakfast in stick to your coffee sell your fucking coffee stop selling breakfast get out the breakfast game yeah if you don't have no jelly stop selling breakfast then yeah he was really upset he's so upset the video looks like he's
Starting point is 01:07:59 gonna talk to you it looks like he's gonna talk about something important it looks like he's gonna talk to you about like teen violence or something. Not at all. It's just like, listen. Not even close. I just got out of Starbucks. I just left dumbass Starbucks. He's just mad that they don't have jelly with their biscuits? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:17 I've never had any of their biscuits, but all their other breakfast shit is good, man. I love all of it. Honestly. It ain't bad. That bacon with the gouda? Yeah. That love all of it. Honestly, it ain't bad. That, that bacon with the Gouda. Yeah, that's a good sandwich. The cheddar sausage. They got a fucking,
Starting point is 01:08:30 uh, what's that? Uh, chorizo. They got a chorizo. They got a chorizo sandwich. Some of them have like mac and cheese and shit. I know that's not breakfast for everybody,
Starting point is 01:08:38 but for me, mac and cheese on a sandwich. No, no. Like they just have like pastas. Some of the Starbucks do. Starbucks has pasta now? Are you talking about noodles and company? No, no. They just have pastas. Some of the Starbucks do. Starbucks has pasta now? Are you talking about noodles and company? No. No. Because they have
Starting point is 01:08:48 coffee. Is that what you're thinking of? I had a long night. No. Starbucks has, some of them have dishes that aren't like a breakfast sandwich. I can't really imagine. I can't conjure up a scenario where I'm getting mac and cheese at a Starbucks, but I do believe you that they do it. I might get a
Starting point is 01:09:03 cake pop every now and then. I'm not an animal, but... A little boozy at Starbucks. He's upset they don't have grape jelly. Or any kind of jelly. I mean, it's true. You guys should watch it. It's very funny. I love it. We're going to watch all these as soon as... In about a half hour. David, time for your second and third picks.
Starting point is 01:09:20 I'm trying to find this. Okay. I don't even know how to explain it, so I'm just going to play it. It's 40 seconds. Is that okay? I think so. You got to explain it.
Starting point is 01:09:30 It's this little boy who's just talking like a man. His name is Lil' J. And he says, that's all life, mama. That's all life. That's my girl. Yeah, he's talking about his girlfriend. That's my girl, mama. And he's like She's like hold on
Starting point is 01:09:46 Yeah Marissa will drop it in to the episode Calls his mom bro She do So she wasn't the first one James nobody look You were a five year old kid You don't have to worry about no Bianca Yes I do she my girl
Starting point is 01:10:02 She my girl bro That's her life First of all That's her life Yes, I do. She my girl. She my girl, bro. That's all life. That's all life, mama. That's all life. That's all life, mama. First of all, don't call me your bro. Second of all, that's all life, mama. James, you up, because now you. James Hello Wow eating crawfish That's amazing
Starting point is 01:10:31 He's eating a plate of crab Who taught that little boy to eat crab He's got so much shellfish in front of him He's up there saying that's on life With baby teeth in his mouth That's crazy And he's like that's my girl bro She goes first of all Don't call me bro on life with baby teeth in his mouth. That's crazy. And he's like, that's my girl, bro.
Starting point is 01:10:47 She goes, first of all, don't call me bro. That's my girl, mama. And that's on life. And then he stood up. That's on life, mama. He stood up, but he was like almost shorter somehow when he stood up. The first time I saw that video,
Starting point is 01:11:04 I probably watched it like 30 times. It's just so funny. He's just this little boy. What are you talking about? I'm 35 years old and I've never been that serious. No! That's not about a woman. No! Never! Not about anything!
Starting point is 01:11:17 He's outcommitted me at the age of six. That guy. I've never had that talk with my mom. No. That's my girl bro no you think i've never told my mom and that's online no that's my girl bro and that's on life mama she took him out for crab to get over the breakup was that was that crawfish or crab yeah it looked like he was in some kind of a crab buffet yeah a, a little bit of everything. He was in a lot of carapace. He was like full cereal.
Starting point is 01:11:46 Empty plates. Husks. We're going to get your mind off Bianca. We're going to go out. We're going to get you some crab, James. You love crab. A kid eating crab, by the way. That's not like a kid food necessarily.
Starting point is 01:11:57 It's not a kid food at all. Not even close. There's so many levels to that video. There's so many levels to it. There's so many levels, guys. It's a sophisticated trout. Yeah, please go watch that song. That's so fucking funny. that video there's so many levels to it sophisticated trout yeah please go watch that song I love his little baby teeth I just type in that's on life
Starting point is 01:12:11 that's on life mama for sure that's on life mama that's on life oh that crawfish on fireplace went out of business you see that you know what I've been doing lately though that's the move on Sundays when nobody's around. I order a lobster
Starting point is 01:12:28 roll. Whoa, from where? Cousin's Main Lobster. Really? Yeah, they're on Postmates. God, I love a lobster roll. Butter or mayonnaise? I do the... I've been doing the cold one lately. Yeah. With the mayonnaise. I like the mayonnaise.
Starting point is 01:12:43 I like the butter one, too. I like the mayonnaise. I like the butter one too. I like the mayonnaise a little better. Give me a smoker. That's all life, mama. That's all life. That's so funny. And your third video. My third video is another video,
Starting point is 01:12:57 much like you said about an artist falling off the stage is funny. Yeah. This one, not as self-serious as Kelsey Grammar, but I'd like to think similar. I'm taking plies getting body slammed off a... I've never seen this.. I'm taking Plies getting body slammed off a I've never seen this. Oh my god. Plies got body slammed off a stage? Dude, and he's yelling for his security and what I believe his word
Starting point is 01:13:14 is, is color bunny. So this man, so this guy gets up on in his space and Plies is talking shit. He's like, hey, come on now. We too close to be two niggas. And then the guy grabs him and you hear Plies yell,
Starting point is 01:13:30 color bunny! And then the guy body slams him off the stage. It's so funny. It's so, so funny. Is color bunny like his emergency wear for security to run out? Yeah, I don't,
Starting point is 01:13:45 I think that's what it was because he says it like, he says it like the tone that he says it in is very scared. Have any of you guys seen this? No. You've never seen that? Oh my gosh. We're going to just, Marissa's going to have to put in a lot.
Starting point is 01:14:01 Absolutely. Here it is. Look, he's talking to the guy. He's like, we're too close to be, you got to turn it off. That guy. Here it is. Look, he's talking to the guy. He's like, we're too close to be. You got to turn it up. That guy behind him?
Starting point is 01:14:07 No, it's that guy. Watch. This guy. That big guy. No, the little guy. This guy right in front of him. Got to look. First off.
Starting point is 01:14:15 Call the money! We can be too close. But let's go. Call the money! He's great. I've yelled. That dude had already picked him up
Starting point is 01:14:30 and yelled color money. It looks like Plies doesn't think it's about to be that serious. I don't think so, but I think look at that because the security
Starting point is 01:14:39 is right there and I think he thinks the guy's just not going to do nothing. That guy looks dude, that guy's faded who body slams gonna do nothing that guy looks dude that guy's faded whose body slams i respect that guy for really being willing to go down with the ship
Starting point is 01:14:50 though yeah no we're both going because that was not the end of that guy's night no no no oh my god and also plies was calling him off like that guy was right in his kitchen i think they were i think they were blowing it i think they were blowing it plies was smiling like he thought nothing was gonna happen and then something happens i think rappers do have a lot of it's also one of those things where it's like you don't realize how tiny some of these rappers are until somebody puts yeah he is not a big dude he's a little he's a tiny little guy i never had any sort of plies phase what's like the plies song to listen to shawty yeah how's that one go
Starting point is 01:15:40 oh what's the one where he says, damn my P.O. Y'all could tell I said it. Oh yeah, I forgot about that, but definitely, is that Busty Baby?
Starting point is 01:15:52 No, that's the I'm So Hood remix. Rap replies, gets body slammed in the crowd by concert going. Call the body. Also, you got to pick
Starting point is 01:16:02 a better word for your security. Help. Help would have done it the trick help color buddy color buddy as he's picked up he was in the air he said color buddy
Starting point is 01:16:19 I'm so glad we do stand up but nobody's trying to body slam us off the stage plays played a wide receiver for Miami of Ohio. Yeah, that sounds right. I knew he was some type of an athlete. Did he play for University of Miami too? No, Miami of Ohio.
Starting point is 01:16:37 Oh, wait. Too small for the real Miami. Okay, yeah. Yeah. Color buddy. Color buddy. Also, very funny Instagram presence with Plies. He's got sweet pussy Saturdays, which is always very funny instagram presence with plies he's got sweet pussy
Starting point is 01:16:47 saturdays which is always very funny of course now what does that please please explain to me afterwards we'll go I don't really want to get into it there's still some prime time deals on the table
Starting point is 01:17:02 we're in development right now with ifc that's what i want to yeah uh jamelle tell me your third pick despite cso scouting me heavily i'm still gonna do this one this is just a dumb ass video um and it's one of my favorite genre uh animals chasing people oh yeah it's a youtube video entitled goose attacks person and pants fall down while running oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you come in at about 38 seconds on that thing it's just i love when it's like a mad specific title yeah goose chases person and pants fall down while running it's exactly what happened i know 100 what i'm getting when i watch this this dude is it's just two dudes walking through like a parking lot it looks like sort of maybe like a high school parking lot yeah
Starting point is 01:17:56 and a goose is minding his own business they're about 50 60 feet. The dude sees the goose and like just kind of does a little dance move at him, kind of talk like Millie rocks towards the goose. You're not going to not do something to the goose. The goose like turns his head and is like, you know what? Not today. Fuck that.
Starting point is 01:18:19 Fuck that. And flies right at him. The dude is startled. He freaks out and he's sagging. He's got like skinny jeans on and he's sagging man you can't these geese don't care about the size of your jeans exactly and when he slips and falls and tries to change direction his pants fall down and you can see his butt cheeks as he runs from this goose. Geese, dude, those... Geese will hiss at you and shit. Geese will come right for you. You know what's scarier than a goose?
Starting point is 01:18:51 Swans, dude. I got into this the other day with somebody. What is the size of a swan? Swans are bigger than you think. They're bigger than geese? They're like four basketballs. Could you ride a swan? You couldn't ride a swan. Sean, Could you ride a swan? You couldn't ride a swan.
Starting point is 01:19:07 You couldn't ride a swan. Sean, could you ride a swan? This goose has like an aggressive countenance just in general. Nobody could ride a swan, but they're seriously about like four basketballs big. A baby could ride a swan. Is the swan the one with the teeth? Do they both have teeth? No. I think they do both have teeth.
Starting point is 01:19:20 Here you go, homie. Yeah, just hit him with a little half a move. Barely anything. Oh! Oh! Oh, no! He's getting his butt cheeks on the ground. The butt cheeks are so out. And the goose is yelling at him
Starting point is 01:19:36 like, yeah, get the fuck up out of my parking lot. That would be like if somebody across a football stadium was like, hey, fuck you. And I just ran at them. Look at that goose just standing there too. I dare you to come back where you just were. That goose is
Starting point is 01:19:53 taking up all the space it wants to right now. I dare you to be where you just were. I'm not even going to let him walk that way. He can't get back to his bag. He left his bag. Yeah. It's like bullies. You got to find a different way home now. Dude, that goose is so puffed up. Is that guy talking shit?
Starting point is 01:20:13 That girl is talking shit to that goose. Like it's a person. As if it's a person. Oh my God. That girl just walked out and was like, fuck you. I don't know. What would you do if a goose was flying at you? A goose got rules. They got morals. They're not going to lay hands on a woman. Yeah. I wouldn't. That what would you do if a goose was flying at you a goose got rules they got morals they're not going to lay hands on a woman
Starting point is 01:20:27 yeah I wouldn't that might be a man I wouldn't run away like that dude did also is this person wearing a pleather jumpsuit yes where is this Jamal did you film this I still don't know
Starting point is 01:20:41 did you film this did you put this video up today? I filmed it outside of the Dollar General in Woodbridge, Virginia. In Woodbridge, Virginia. Which where this is possible. If a goose flew at me, I would bail the same way. I'm out. Yeah, I'm out there.
Starting point is 01:21:00 You don't think you would? I wouldn't sit and take it, but I wouldn't do what that dude did. I think you might. I think you might. I guess you do have Taekwondo training. You're saying that the right way. I don't know. Maybe you grab it
Starting point is 01:21:15 like it's nunchucks. You grab it by the head and then spin around like goose chucks. Maybe. Just like goose chucks. For somebody who feels real confident, you don't seem to have a yeah right we're throwing a scenario at you you got nothing i know i'm less confident if a goose flew at me like that i think i would i'd move but i wouldn't like that dude his pants fell off he
Starting point is 01:21:36 scraped his butt cheeks on the ground i wouldn't do all that i don't know about all that i don't know about all that swan are huge happen to me though swan are swan dude we filmed we did this like live uh 12 days of christmas a couple years ago on the late late show so we had whatever seven swans are milking oh elaine seven swans swimming swimming swimming and they are fucking big maids of milking and when they start to get agitated they start swinging their necks around like weapons dude they're scary they got a lot of teeth them and the geese were like honking at each other oh well that's a crimson blood i wish you guys could see dogs and cats man that's east and west it was hustling it was scary i was sitting like pretty close to him and like my heart rate went up and my brain released some adrenaline into my body just in case goose was throwing up blood but you were throwing up yeah some adrenaline into my body just in case. That goose was throwing up blood, but you were throwing up blood. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:25 I was just in this scenario completely just an observer. That's generations. Yeah, no. That's not for me to get involved in. You gotta let them do that. Sean, time for your third pick. Have you guys seen the video where
Starting point is 01:22:41 that little kid has a frog on his arm? It's like a little toad. Oh, he's freaking out? He's little kid has a frog on his arm it's like a little toad oh he's freaking out so he's got a little toad on his arm and he's like and he's going to his mom he's like get it off and she touches it and it flies
Starting point is 01:22:56 onto his lips and then he fucking loses his mind cause it's like he's already very scared and bummed. And then it goes to the worst possible place. Almost in his mouth. So he's just like
Starting point is 01:23:12 then it flies in his mouth. He goes It's dude. It's like what you would do if a vegetable got that close to your mouth. Yeah. I tried it with a rutabaga once. Oh, here he is. What is a rutabaga? I dare Taco Bell to put an onion on my burrito. That's exactly what I did.
Starting point is 01:23:27 Oh, this kid. He's freaking out. It's right there on his arm. And then his mom's going to touch it right now. And it goes, look at his face. Oh! Dude, he fucking. Yo.
Starting point is 01:23:40 That's like if somebody puts a flamethrower on your face to a kid. There's like, that's the worst thing that could have happened. Well, now we a flamethrower on your face to a kid there's like that's the worst thing that could have happened well now we're just watching funny videos on the internet that's what happens that's what happens next anyway uh yeah the kid with the frog flying into his mouth that's hilarious so yeah google that uh with my third pick i'm gonna take something it accidentally auto played earlier uh it's something that's made me laugh harder than anything else is uh the i like turtles kid yeah that kid is really funny but scary he's got a couple reasons he's at the fort vancouver uh in in portland well technically vancouver but like uh the fireworks display it's on channel 8 nbc news local portland news gang
Starting point is 01:24:20 and my favorite thing about it she's like i'm here with Jonathan, who's a scary zombie. And she's like, Jonathan, how are you today? And he's just like, I like turtles. I'm here with Jonathan, who's a scary zombie. Like, yeah, he's a zombie, if you want. Which in and of itself is amazing. So that whole part is amazing. I like turtles.
Starting point is 01:24:38 That's all he can muster up to think to say, which is very funny. But then afterwards is the news cat, like the reporter. She's just like, okay. It's funny when you, when you see, when you see a reporter and you're like, oh my God,
Starting point is 01:24:53 you don't know. All you know how to do is speak into the camera. Like you have no improv skills or anything. No human ability to be like, oh yeah, turtles are great. Did you see one here? She's just like,
Starting point is 01:25:04 oh, all right like hey I was watching one in research for this where a guy's talking to a little boy and he's like he says something to the little boy and he's like little boy's like wouldn't you like to know
Starting point is 01:25:19 dweeb the guy's like and the boy's like and the announcer's like where are your parents? Do you ever think, I was such a good kid. I was such a like buttoned up. I behaved like all the rules. Young Sheldon, if you would.
Starting point is 01:25:37 I was quite the young, I really was quite the young Sheldon. I was a really good kid too. Now when I look back on it, I'm like, I could have been so much more of a bastard. And like in school, like I was so afraid of getting in trouble at school and like that didn't matter as a bastard yeah it was pretty cool was it i realized when i was about like 12
Starting point is 01:25:56 getting in trouble was fine i remember when i was like yeah when i was like this ain't gonna fucking matter like i i almost this is dumb but i almost failed eighth grade because i was in iss so much i was in iss more than class because i was like what are they going to do crimping harder than ever going to yeah i reading my sword i used to never got in trouble at school never really never had detention i never got suspended never in school like never never never wow getting in trouble is the best part i didn't i was so I never got suspended. That's insane. In school. Seriously. Never? Never. Wow. Getting in trouble is the best part.
Starting point is 01:26:27 I was so afraid of it. What's the best? You got to get your rep up somehow. I didn't. No rep whatsoever. The only way to network with the bad kids is ISS. That's true. That's right.
Starting point is 01:26:37 It's the meeting place. That's true. Never. Nothing. ISS. I was so afraid. They'd give us a packet that took like maybe 20 minutes to do of like your schoolwork and then you're just
Starting point is 01:26:48 there. In that fucking room. But it's weird because they would, I seriously, I would read the source and I'd sit there and just read the source and I imagine these old teachers looking at me like this. It'd be like the other ISS kids and you'd be waiting for lunch or that's how our school was. Well, they were, all the other kids were like actually tough and I was the only kid that wasn't, I was just
Starting point is 01:27:04 You were just a bad kid. Whatever. But they beat the shit out of people, and I would slap people's books out of their hands on the stairs kind of thing, where I'm like, look at all your books on the stairs now. And these kids are in there like, yeah, I smashed this kid's face into a locker.
Starting point is 01:27:19 Equally dick move, though, I think. No, they're not. You're wrong. You'd rather pick up books or teeth i guess it's up to you at least if you hit me in the face i could say i got in a fight you just slapped my shit out and walked away that's way more disrespectful that was you did me the service of trying to that was the kid i said you got hort too was i slapped all of his shit out of his hand and i was like pick it up up. And he's, he stuck his chin on. He's like, nope. And I go, you got heart. And then I shoulder
Starting point is 01:27:46 checked him and walked away. Wow. The funny thing about that exchange is he was never afraid of you. Yeah, he was. Are you sure? Positive, but he shouldn't have been. He's got me. He's got, he had me then. He's got me now. I mean, if it came down to it,
Starting point is 01:28:02 he would have had me then too. He was ready to put hands up. I was just older. That's the funny thing about Sufla. You still like keep track of these kids, right? I mean, I don't keep track, but like, yeah,
Starting point is 01:28:10 I mean, he's got a tally of who doesn't, doesn't have a whore. Yeah, true. I guess you're going to keep those books up to date. I, the only people who I like keep in touch with from high school or who I even
Starting point is 01:28:19 know what they're doing are like Nampay, like people who we know, you know what I mean? Yep. The rest of them, I have no idea. I have no, they could sitting u.s senators it could be the nfl they could be murderers i have no idea about any of them i have an idea it could be sitting u.s so the i like turtles video also shout out to elisa carmel she was like the first she i think
Starting point is 01:28:42 showed me that my little sister we still to this day we'll go back and forth a giggling about it how deep are we four or five hours into the podcast uh my four is to delete the last hour and 51 minutes and 25 seconds please thank you my fourth one now you tell me nine is this quote oh wow wow it's a good social bit it's a good one this is from a tv show okay but it was from a tv show that wasn't available in the u.s until very recently okay and i saw it on the internet that's where i've seen it every time just as a clip it's the michael caine impressions right from the trip yeah from steve coogan and um Rob Bryden. Rob Bryden. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:26 They... Well, it's your pick. So it is from... It's from a movie or it was a TV show over there that they turned into a movie. Is that okay to pick? That for sure counts.
Starting point is 01:29:33 Because I only... Like, it was a huge YouTube clip. If it's a YouTube clip, it's a YouTube clip, man. So it's the two of them sitting, like, at a table just doing, battling Michael Caine impressions.
Starting point is 01:29:41 And you don't do the deep, broken voice from the Batman movies. It's so fucking funny because there's these two very self-serious comedians who are like, they're like, and you don't do the broken voice. She was only 15 years old.
Starting point is 01:29:55 You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off. They're way better at it. They're just doing Michael Caine and it's amazing. It's so fucking funny. They're like digging each other out. They're very competitive about it. It's fucking amazing. So fucking funny. And they're like digging each other out about how, like they're very competitive about it. It's fucking hilarious. The way like when two comedians who are like frenemies.
Starting point is 01:30:11 Yeah. You know what I mean? Like me and Nick Cannon. Like you and Nick Cannon. You and Nick Cannon. Us and Shane. Like how you both tried to start wearing those weird hats at the same time. The turbans.
Starting point is 01:30:20 Yeah. The turbans. Yeah. I remember Nick Cannon got real mad at you because you were wearing bulletproof vests a long time before he was. Yeah, he also got mad because I was piping Mariah. I didn't mean that. I don't know why. That sounded crazy.
Starting point is 01:30:32 I was piping Mariah. I'm in a weird mood. I need to go take a shower. That was gross. I'm sorry. I was piping Mariah. I hope you're not listening, Mom. Me and Mariah. Free holies.
Starting point is 01:30:47 Whoa. You guys. Free holies. She was just on our show for a week. I got to see Mariah Carey sing All I Want for Christmas is You live. Was she in a jersey dress? No. I wish. Damn. Remember that, though? Yeah, of course I did. Oh, it was a wizard. Was it a jersey dress no I wish
Starting point is 01:31:05 damn remember that though yeah of course I did was it a wizard dress yeah oh my god that's one of the most important moments in NBA history yeah the entire like 2003 all-star game is just
Starting point is 01:31:20 eye fucking the shit out of Mariah Carey god a jersey dress man that sounds dope. Have you seen it? No, I will as soon as we're done recording. Absolutely. Speaking of which, Sean, time for your fourth pick. So if you just Google people passing out,
Starting point is 01:31:36 or if you YouTube people passing out at weddings, it's hilarious. It's not... Wait, what? No, I understand. So the first hit, if you just type in people passing out at weddings, uh, the first hit, I don't know that it's got like a real name, like, you know, frog on kid's arm, things like that. But it is, I watch it all the time. It is hilarious.
Starting point is 01:31:57 It's just people who lock their knees at a wedding who are mad nervous. And then they just pass out. And it is the funniest shit to think about because we're all in front of people a lot and you forget that most people aren't. So it's something that makes people very nervous to stand in front of a group of people. But I don't understand. Why does it make them so nervous?
Starting point is 01:32:19 You're not in front of strangers. Oh my God. What is my uncle Jerry going to think? Yeah, I mean, yeah. I think that's what people really really get self-conscious but and they lock their knees they'll just stand there with their knees locked and then all of a sudden she's like sack just boom goes the dynamite it is an excellent genre of video honorable mention to um a video i saw of a husband trying to swipe a bee off of his wife's face. This wedding is being filmed
Starting point is 01:32:49 in 1080p. So he just slapped it? And he just, you know, efficient's right in the middle of his shit like, love is patience. Cat paw. He's like, oh, oh, hey. There was a bee there.
Starting point is 01:33:06 Dude. This is the last time, I promise. There was a bee. There was a few years ago. You all saw that bee. Miles' roommates. For real. I got two strikes.
Starting point is 01:33:14 Anthony and Heather, my old roommates, we were outside of QFC one time, and Tony picked up a... He picked up a snowball, and he taps me. He's like, check this out. And I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:33:24 I'll never know what he was thinking, but he's like, Heather. and he tasked me. He's like, check this out. And I don't know. I don't know. I'll never know what he was thinking, but he's like Heather. And he threw it right at her face, like point blank. Cause I, so he did it and it hit her and she's like, she was shocked. And I know it hurt.
Starting point is 01:33:39 And she's like, what the fuck? And he goes, I thought I was going to hit you in the back. And I'm like, you tapped her on the shoulder and said her name. and then threw a snowball at where her face would be after you said her name it was just like that same thing where it's like he it went so wrong from what he thought was gonna happen he thought it was gonna be a joke and all of a sudden he threw pretty much
Starting point is 01:33:58 an ice ball right at her face and then she goes and i'm standing there she goes all right i'm gonna throw one at you and i'm like yep for sure and i go tony it's it has to turn about it's fair play and she did it maybe half speed and he was such a fucking baby about it he was like he was pouting and shit he's even said he's like oh ow ouch and i'm like dude you just whipped a snowball at her face. Take your medicine. Yeah. You hooked it in her brain. It was crazy. Yeah. He was so, so bummed about it. Anyway, very funny.
Starting point is 01:34:33 It's that kind of podcast, right? Yeah. Jamel, time for your fourth pick. My fourth pick, a YouTube classic. I don't know this dude's name. Is it Reverend X? So the name of the video on youtube it's spiritual seduction reverend x rev.x in 3d and it's a it's this like cable
Starting point is 01:34:54 access show it's like tall light-skinned black dude with like a mullet it's like that guy is crazy he's crazy he's just he's like what his name is? His Reverend X? It's like a weird like hood evangelical. It's a very strange video. And then the Lord had a flaming sword. You bitch ass motherfucker. Just like yelling stuff like that. Surprise, bitch. Things of this nature.
Starting point is 01:35:19 Reverend X, dude. I love it. So it's a video of him like kind of kicking a rhyme. This isn't even, I don't even know it's the video of him like kind of kicking a rhyme this isn't even I don't even know it's the first one but he's kicking a rhyme and then he dances to how do you want it
Starting point is 01:35:32 in its entirety yeah the pock and fucking oh my god he's got a cane while he's doing it yeah he looks like a Keegan Michael Keeg here yeah he does all your skirts know what's up with two on three i'll tell you that area real quick this is the most la shit to ever exist yeah part two when this thing when this thing kicks into gear it is some la
Starting point is 01:35:59 shit you're right oh that hair is also oh my god yeah seen. Yeah, he's shaved on top. Karate master ponytail in the back. He looks like a Virtua Fighter character. Yeah, absolutely. A karate master ponytail. He looks like what someone from Japan who's never been to America thinks an American Yes!
Starting point is 01:36:19 There might be a guy like this. Exactly. I fit in with my American jeans. a guy like this would fuck with. I fit in with my American jeans. This guy might be kicking around the stage. Wow, his hair is crazy. Now it's there. You have to see the connecting part.
Starting point is 01:36:36 He's got that Rappin' Forte haircut. The dude Rappin' Forte had that. Except he doesn't have any hair in the front. Yeah. But like that thick. There's not even a business up front. That business closed down. The Derrick Henry brand?
Starting point is 01:36:48 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That business closed down a while ago. They're actually doing a lot of the business out of the party. Yeah, there's no business in the front. It's a rave in the back. There's a room at the party where you can do the business. We're charging tickets. No business up front.
Starting point is 01:36:59 Coachella in the back. We're going crazy. Man, yeah, that's a good video. Yeah, this dude dude is amazing he's got a few great videos uh this one always makes me laugh just like local tv is important public access tv is you gotta keep it going so important i guess that's what youtube is everyone it made it so easy. Yeah. This is one of those ones I would also get drunk and send to girls. How did that, did that ever,
Starting point is 01:37:29 did it ever work? What were the results? Absolutely not. No, it didn't work. Of course it didn't work. If it works once though. You got a couple kids in Buffalo because of that now.
Starting point is 01:37:36 If it works once, it kind of works. That's your wife. Fact. It only needs to work once. That's the rest of your life right there. That's amazing.
Starting point is 01:37:44 David, time for your fourth and final picks. For's sake we're entering the home stretch let's go my fourth pick you guys just have to see this oh it's i've watched this on about a million times too it's just if you if you type in years if you type in years ago they tried to it'll do it it's this rapper from alabama and he's on like a local morning show tv and he's like yeah i'm gonna rap for you and she's like okay little freestyle rap and he starts he goes years ago they tried to years ago they tried to and then he looks at her and he says i I lied. And I'm going to play it for you guys to hear now. And tell us what we're about to hear. It's just a freestyle.
Starting point is 01:38:31 Okay. I'm just going to think it up. Freestyle. Well, let me sit down. Who am I? Go ahead, Marshall. Okay. Years ago, they tried to put me in the...
Starting point is 01:38:47 Oh, my God. Wow. This is a lie. He just goes... Look at his face. Oh, my God. You want to try to read something from your book? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:01 Watching the reporter's face? He straight up just goes, years ago, They tried to, I guess I lied. You look at her face too though. He immediately knew that he couldn't do it. He was like, it's just a freestyle. And she's like, oh, okay, freestyle. And he
Starting point is 01:39:18 knew that he knows right now that he can't do it. You can see it on his face where he's like the realization washing over him. It's almost like he thought she was going to say no freestyling on television, sir. Thank I'm sure it's going to be
Starting point is 01:39:33 amazing, but no, thank you. They must have a tape. I guess I lied. He doesn't hide from it. No, he gets there quick to within 15 seconds. He gets there quick too. Within 15 seconds, he's like, I guess no.
Starting point is 01:39:49 I'm going to freestyle. I also love the name of his book, Who Am I? He had like four self-published books. Years ago, they tried to... Years ago, they tried to put me in there. I guess I lied. I got the opening line down on the car ride over on started years ago they tried to he's like just again
Starting point is 01:40:13 and it all just kind of flow out from there yeah it'll kind of last like i did it in the shower it's just like it'll be in the shower i just need to say years ago they tried to put me in there and then bam. Damn. Thank you, ma'am. Years ago. Because he tried it twice. He said years ago and then no. Not quite right. Not quite right.
Starting point is 01:40:37 Put the game back in. Years ago they tried to put me in the... Nope. No, still no. Guess I lied. Guess I lied. Yeah, i've never seen that that shit is that's amazing and your uh your final pick uh my final pick is i really like that the way the internet came together on this video i think it's some of the best that we could do for the internet in my feelings challenge it was so much fun
Starting point is 01:41:08 when it was happening there were so many different videos everybody, Will Smith did the one my close best friend Will Smith my good friend, Bad Boys 3 coming out in theaters I'm not in it but you know but you will be at it yeah yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:41:23 actors, we support each other yeah boys three coming out the point is will smith did his like on like the top of a fucking bridge in prague like everybody did one they were so different they were so fun they were all creative like that's like a great internet viral video oh yeah and people hurting themselves a lot a lot of people tripping falling out the car besides cars yeah running into parking those yellow parking yeah yeah people will run in the yeah years ago they tried to hurt yourself on one of those because those aren't going anywhere i saw in my feelings challenge where a dude took a poop wow he gets out of his way he's like kiki
Starting point is 01:42:06 like poops out on the ground does he keep moving while he's pooping yeah it's fucked up accounts i'll tell you pound for pound poop is one of the funniest words you love the word poop i do i think it's hilarious you throw the word pooper to say like yeah i love i was taking a poop. It's so funny to me to say. Poop. Remember that Big Brother video? Poop. Then they had boob. Poop and boob. All those rich people. In my feeling,
Starting point is 01:42:37 Will Smith did his on a roof in Prague, right? Yeah, but they were all just like... It was so much... It was so much fun and like the timing and it happened all within the first couple weeks or whatever it was all kind of organic too right i mean it was like uh it was like odell who did the first one did odell do i thought that uh shiggy guy did it right it was the first it was shiggy yeah i think it was shiggy and then odell took it from him yeah okay the internet in the video shitty shiggy. And then Odell took it from him. Yeah. Okay. The internet lured him to the video.
Starting point is 01:43:06 Shiggy has a couple separate bangers too, you know. She nailed it. It's so good. I'm going to start dressing like that. I don't want you to. For everybody who's not sure what we're watching, just imagine what you think I might start dressing like. It's a sweatshirt that says West Coast, sort of cut.
Starting point is 01:43:21 It's a crop top sweatshirt. And short shorts shorts i know what that is short daisy dude she doesn't buy the dmv and there's a line in my feelings challenge by the dmv is that the one in pasadena maybe i think it is no that's looks like the one me and zach went to she is a the woman doing it was a uh was a charming young lass with various wiles feminine and otherwise making me think of the drive by dunk challenge as well what was that one that was the one where dudes were pulling up to hoops in people's driveways and they're just dunking on them again back in the car really there is one jalen brown dunks on a guy
Starting point is 01:43:59 what jalen brown pulls up on wants some kids, playing ball, throws himself an oop, dunks on a kid, gets back in his car and drafts him. That guy is the best. His legend just keeps growing. I stand by my pick. I love Jalen Brown. You might have been right.
Starting point is 01:44:15 You will be born out. When did you pick that? That was like three, four months ago. What was the draft, though? NBA players, but it has nothing to do with skill. Oh, nothing to do with skill. That's right. That's right.
Starting point is 01:44:25 All right. You might be right, man. man you really might be he's into tech is this an in my feelings challenge this isn't a gym no this is just hot chicks dancing now no this is no it's still it they just didn't they didn't all do them with the car yeah this building is a car they're actually inside of a uh rv dancers look so cool when they're sweaty. I know. Yeah, I agree. Because all the sweats where it's supposed to be and not like where your boob overlapped your stomach. I noticed when I was skating the other day
Starting point is 01:44:53 that I had like, I had weird sweat. I wasn't into it. I put it on Instagram and then a bunch of people were like, well, some friends were like, hey, your sweat looks weird. Oh, Barracks Obama over here. Excellent. Am I feeling challenged? Jamel, hey, your sweat looks weird. Oh, Barracks Obama over here. Excellent. Am I feeling challenged? Jamel, your final pick.
Starting point is 01:45:09 All right. My last pick. Got to give it up to the youth. The children are our future. Honorable mention to Hot Dog Brothers. In parentheses, original argument. That's a very good one. Two little black kids arguing about hot dogs.
Starting point is 01:45:22 I haven't seen it. That's a great one. But I think I got to go. I think I gotta go with the uh i smell like beef girl i don't know it's a little white girl i think her name is katie ryan if you youtube i smell like beef and she's just like looking out the window like beef it's like a little kid and she's looking out the window and she keeps saying i smell like beef i smell like it's actually a video of shane on the subway i smell like like she just keeps doing it and she like keeps getting more intense that is sick yeah she's a funny she's a beast i smell like beef girl We've all been there
Starting point is 01:46:06 I smell like beef I smell like beef I smell like beef I smell like beef I smell like beef I smell like beef I smell like beef I smell like beef
Starting point is 01:46:22 I smell like beef She looked insane she super creeped out yeah just a little creepy kid shout out to the creepy kids they really did right by you guys kids that was the lovely thing about being a kid you can just be creepy
Starting point is 01:46:38 I certainly had my creepy moments you know what I did as a kid that was like at least maybe not creepy but totally out of pocket I was a very again I was a very young Sheldon-esque kid. So when I found out that the word queer meant weird, I would walk around saying, that's quite queer. Which at the time still meant gay. And then my older siblings were like, you're like, you can't say that. My mom would be like, that's what it means.
Starting point is 01:47:04 But it means weird saint sue carmel nobody ever got a hold of you when you were doing that nobody did i mean this i would do it around the house or the middleman jewish community center so there was no real like so i was gonna say you bring that shit to the park no dude well that was queer how you dribbled with your left hand had a queer approach to the basket i thought it was too that was queer how you dribbled with your left hand. I had a queer approach to the basket. Yeah, I thought it was too. That was a queer layup. That was what I'm saying all the time. That was a queer layup. And you weren't being a dick.
Starting point is 01:47:34 It's so tight. Oh, that's so funny. I love that you think that. It wasn't your brother. Eventually, it was just like. My older brother was really trying to put a stop to it. He was like. I'm trying to save you. I'm like, this is, yeah, this is coming from a stop to it. I'm trying to save you.
Starting point is 01:47:46 I'm like, this is coming from a place of love. I love you. Please stop saying queer so much. Just a little kid in hard-soled shoes. What did you think of the dessert, Ian? Well, I found it queer. The use of currants was quite queer. But overall, it was a gay experience like as if my family so it was gay
Starting point is 01:48:10 use of current such a little nerd yeah also little smart kids yeah really good i remember one time I was in the mall Christmas time. I was in Fair Oaks mall. Yeah. Back in Virginia. Me and my boys in the mall and they had the Christmas display out. And it's so, so this like little kid and her dad get in the elevator and we're like
Starting point is 01:48:37 talking about the display. And I'm like, man, they got some, it's pretty raw over there. They got a few caribou out. And then my friends were like, you don't know what the fuck a caribou out. And then my friends were like, y'all know what the fuck a caribou is.
Starting point is 01:48:47 What are you talking about? Shut up. And then this little kid, and then little kid. We're from Virginia. The little kid goes to the window and she's like, yep, it's a caribou.
Starting point is 01:48:59 And then her dad like ran around, get her, get her, get her. We got to go right now. Like, dog, we talking about fucking zoology. It's pretty raw out there. We got to go right now. We talking about fucking zoology. It's pretty raw out there. They got to sit in caribou. Shit's raw.
Starting point is 01:49:13 This is a clean display. It's pretty raw out there. They got to sit in caribou. That is a... Oh man, that's maybe the funniest animal. Yeah. Sean, time have your final pick um so i'm gonna pick uh it's called the vader sessions okay and if you haven't seen it what
Starting point is 01:49:32 it is is they take a bunch of james earl jones sound bites from other movies and put it in star wars and empire so it's like they call me mr tibbs yeah you just i quit on you when you decided to clear out with willie the pimp but it's darth vader talking to leah it's like they call me Mr. Tim. Yeah. I quit on you when you decided to clear out with Willie the pimp, but it's Darth Vader talking to Leia. It's from, yeah, it's a movie where James Earl Jones like played a pimp or something like that. They take it from almost every movie that like Feel the Dreams. There's one where it's just Darth
Starting point is 01:49:57 Vader staring into the distance and it goes baseball. It is. I picked this because I bet a lot of people haven't seen it. Go watch it. It's long. It's like it Field of Dreams. It is. I picked this because I bet a lot of people haven't seen it. Go watch it. It's long. It's like, it's an investment. It's like nine minutes.
Starting point is 01:50:11 You don't need to watch the whole thing. You watch the first like three minutes, you'll be stoked. Yeah. And you can, you can kill it after that. You don't need to watch the whole thing. If you got nine minutes, go for it. It really is fucking great. It is so funny.
Starting point is 01:50:22 And it's, it's like probably the second internet video I remember watching. It was unforgivable. And this. These were my first two. Rude Boy showed me this. Vader Sessions was early. Early funny video. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:50:35 I mean, it's like for real, like 15 years ago or some shit. Great idea, though. It's very, very funny. Anyway, that I picked just because I want people to go watch it if you haven't seen it watch that shit y'all my final pick is another very recent one like so recent that I saw it for the first time last week
Starting point is 01:50:53 and in three months I don't know if I would pick this but like right now when I saw it I laughed so fucking hard and it's a video of this cat that's like running away from the owner. And then the one you just sent yesterday. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:51:08 I just say yesterday it turns a corner and then the camera finds it. And then the cat meows. But when it meows, it sounds like a, like a sassy Southern gentleman saying, well, hi, it is. It is. It is. It is so fucking funny. I fucking want, want i like when i've i watched it like 15 times animal noises are really fun oh my god there's those ones where like uh oh yeah no i understand that like that. Like the dog being like, Who loves his mama?
Starting point is 01:51:49 That cat? Yeah, that is fantastic. I like that one a lot. It's fucking fantastic. So that wraps it up. Those are the picks. Just to recap. Geez, we're already done?
Starting point is 01:52:06 Wow. Oh, no. Flew through this one. No way. Christ's sake. David, you went first, and you took the super hot fire freestyle video, and then that's on Life Mama, and then Ply's getting body slammed. Come on, buddy!
Starting point is 01:52:19 And then the years ago. They tried to. Is that the freestyle? I guess I lied. I'm going to spit. Oh, shit. I lied. Years ago, they tried to put me in the.
Starting point is 01:52:40 I lied. Oh, boy. And then the In My Feelings Challenge. Jamel, you went second. You took the Joby the dog in the ocean. And then a little boozy getting real mad about the biscuits at Starbucks. And then a goose attacking somebody and their pants falling off while they run away. Stop serving breakfast.
Starting point is 01:52:58 Yeah. And then the Spiritual Seduction, Reverend X in 3D. And then the I smell like beef, girl. Sean, you went third. You took Unforgivable. I got pollen in my mouth video. And then the frog in the mouth video. And then people passing out at weddings. And then the Vader sessions.
Starting point is 01:53:16 I went fourth and I took he was murdered and set on fire while celebrating his birthday. And then Kelsey Grammer falling off the stage. And then I like turtles. And then Michael Caine. And then that can video, man.
Starting point is 01:53:31 We left some good ones on the board. I mean, you can't hide your wife. Oh, that was the famous, the water pack jet. And it starts right now. And then he falls off. Yeah. Damn Daniel. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:53:43 Yeah. David at the dentist oh yeah that guy doing like a winnebago winnebago man i think it was a winnebago man i had the bottle cap challenge because those were all really impressive those were crazy and then i had those rave kids oh they're like oh my god yeah everybody looks like predator yeah uh i had casey and jojo i had uh jojo passing out when they were performing and casey continuing while jojo's passing out oh man oh man drunk is a drunk thing i'm pretty sure they're both yeah also honorable mention to casey eating chicken wings on his security guard shoulders. That is, that is incredible.
Starting point is 01:54:25 They're doing a show. He has his security. Carry him out into the crowd while he's eating a drum, like a leg. It's wild. He's eating a drumstick and he's waving it around to the crowd. And he's singing like love you for life. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:54:43 It's crazy. You guys remember that video where akon uh called a dude up on stage and then body slammed him over the side of the stage like this dude was talking shit akon's like come on up like he was gonna be cool dude gets up and then akon just dumps him off the side of the stage you're gonna fuck a teammate dude super tight uh what about the video where uh miguel accidentally drop kicks that girl on stage. Have you seen that one before? No. That's a good one. One of my honorable mentions, it's a vine where somebody's driving by a like Del Taco
Starting point is 01:55:12 or something and they're advertising fresh avocados, but it's all like spaced weird. So she's like, free shavacadoo. Free shavacadoo. It's just funny. Oh my God. free shavaka do it's just funny oh my god he grabs a piece of chicken from an audience member even better it's like a dave chappelle skin wow yeah it really yeah there was a point where casey really was he was yeah i feel like maybe the weirdest musicians are male R&B singers. Yeah. Definitely.
Starting point is 01:55:47 I feel like there's a lot of that stuff there. Yeah, no, 100%. There's a lot of room for getting weird in that. And KCJ won the David Ruffin Award for wildest dude like four years in a row. He's the fucking Bill Russell of that shit. He's the C in Jodeci. Yeah. He had to go off.
Starting point is 01:56:01 He did. There was a video on Worldstar I saw last week called, Oh, Wait a Minute, semi-colon, Aspiring Rapper Doesn't Have Your Typical Hype Man. I like that one a lot. What is that like?
Starting point is 01:56:13 It's like this dude, this white guy rapping. He's rapping his ass off. Yeah. And he's kind of like, you know, Molly with the Zans, like that kind of flow.
Starting point is 01:56:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like, it's just a dude in like a skin- skin tight tupac shirt kind of like background dancing behind him oh they're both in tupac yeah sensually he's sensually background dancing super sensual really yes they're both wearing super tight and the rap is not sexy no the rap is very much i get it popping like grimy we get money yeah we're doing drugs we selling drugs but with sensual dancing sensual male background dancing i fucking love
Starting point is 01:56:52 that very good oh yeah bill o'reilly yelling we'll do it live that clip man that's always good that wasabi kid help oh yeah take some wasabi help yeah help that kid's sick that kid's super sick man oh the kimbo slice videos you remember when those first came out yeah dude him fucking up some dude in a boat yard me and my boy lazy used to watch felony fights i'll buy that oh my goodness gracious that white dude is felony fight was? Was that Mexican guy who was like, Yeah, and he's like, I don't know how to fight. Yeah, he's like, I've never even been in jail, dude. And then he did a move that I've only ever seen on felony fights.
Starting point is 01:57:36 Yeah, he fights that white dude. Where he had that guy on the ground and he jumps up and like knees him. You know what I'm talking? I've only seen it. No. It only exists on felony. That fight. I'll explain it to you.
Starting point is 01:57:47 Oh my God. He's got your man on the ground like this. Like Ong Bak. And then he brings his knee back and jumps in the air and just lands. Knees! It's crazy, dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:58:02 It's a felony to know that move. The white dude he's fighting move the white dude he's fighting the white dude he's fighting has such a long record he's like yeah first off I was in juvie
Starting point is 01:58:09 for a while and then I was in like a YA home and then I was like I was boosting cars and then I I beat up my boy Ricky and
Starting point is 01:58:16 you know what I'm saying I did six months in the county and then I go they're like oh okay what's up with you Ramon
Starting point is 01:58:23 I just showed up here. He's like, I just got off of work. I just got off of work. I work at like a hotel down the street. Got a date later. I never fought anybody, bro. And then it's like aggressive. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:58:39 He tries to murder this man. Oh my God. That shit was so crazy. Felony fights was. Do you guys remember comegetyousome.com? No. shit was so crazy. Felony fights was. Do you guys remember come get you some dot com? No. It was only fights. I mean,
Starting point is 01:58:49 there was bum fights. That was. Bum fights made me so depressed. I never thought of bum fights. There's a couple episodes of Law and Order that made bum fights kind of soggy for me.
Starting point is 01:58:57 It just made me sad. It's sad shit. I mean, from Jump Street, it always made me sad, but that was like, we would unfortunately go. Bum fights will get thrown on.
Starting point is 01:59:06 For sure. I was making people turn on sleepovers. I was like, guys, this is sad. Yeah. Fitting in with my guys. This is very queer that we like this. Your crazy friend would be like, look, it's either this or two girls, one cup. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:59:20 Never seen it. Our friend had band in America. That's your best credit. That you've never seen two guys one time. I probably never will. Hold on to that. Have you? Oh yeah. It's they poop in a cup, right? Is that what it is?
Starting point is 01:59:37 They do a lot of poop. Guys, this is the end of the podcast. Shout out to, we want to hear yours as well. Everyone, hit us up on Twitter at AllFantasyPod on Twitter, All want to hear yours as well, everyone. Hit us up on Twitter, at All Fantasy Pod, on Twitter, allfantasypodcasts at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Thank you for
Starting point is 01:59:51 holding us down. We're about to record a watch along. We're back, finally. We're gonna watch along felony porn. Ooh. Oh my God. You guys are ready to get gnarly. Shout out to everyone on the AFE subreddit. Shout out to Frankie O. Oh, shout out to Superproducer Marissa more than anybody. Marissa Frankie Osh shout out to SuperBuddy's of Marissa super producing the fuck out of this
Starting point is 02:00:08 sorry it's so long shout out to Frankie Osh shout out to Sid the Dude shout out to Haji Beats shout out to dude iodine poisoning shout out to that chicken pot pie that I had you mean that hubcap you ate last year
Starting point is 02:00:23 that was only like nine bucks. That's crazy. Nine bucks, 9,000 calories. Shout out to the pizza I'm about to order us, dude. Shout out to all of you for listening. Shout out to some apps. We should get some apps. Shout out to apps. We're for sure getting that. Shout out to Hanukkah. Shout out to Jen and Tonica. Shout out to Monica.
Starting point is 02:00:40 Shout out to Monica, dude. I want to get down, but not on the first night, too. Shout out to Jay Electronica Jay Electronica Jay Electronica Shout out to Brandy Shout out to Maya I was thinking about Maya the other day
Starting point is 02:00:53 I watched her Instagram the other day She's selling some type of fruits Fruits Well we're going to go check that out In the meantime tune in again next week For another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Sugar Hippie! That was a HeadGum Podcast.

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