All Fantasy Everything - Jobs That No Longer Exist (w/ Josh Gondelman)

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

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This is a HeadGum Podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we're drafting professions that no longer exist. Our guest today is our friend, comedian, writer, All-fantasy-everything Hall of Famer, Josh Gondelman. Thank you so much. What a beautiful intro. It's so great to be back with you all. It's so wonderful to have you.

Listeners may note that we are remote on this one, and there is a... though we have pledged to go in person. We're easing in. It's happening. Well, we're not even easing in. The next week we'll be in person again. Yeah, we just have a stop gap. But Josh Gondelman, when the Gondelman comes a-ringing, you pick up the phone, baby.

I love that. Thank you. You pick up the phone. What's the word, what's the etymology of Gondelman? Is that the right word? Yeah, yeah, yeah, nailed it. It is Russian for merchant man. So it is the Jewishest last name.

Hey, hey, I'm here to learn. You know? You're listening and you're learning. Thank you for being an ally, David. Josh, Josh, are you aware of the Berry Sisters, the musical group? We talked about this last time I was on, I think. Did we really?

Okay, did we talk about what their actual last name is? Shut it out, set it out. Set the mics down. I don't think so. Okay, okay. So the Berry Sisters, who have that song Coney Island, you know, like we- We sang a lot of Yiddish last time.

We sang a lot of Yiddish last time. If we talked about this exact thing, and maybe we did, and it's very- But I don't think you told me their last names, their real last names. So Barry was like a showbiz last name that they took on to hide the fact that they were Jewish, and then proceeded to record exclusively like in Yiddish, which was very silly.

They just wanted people to think they were lightly anti-Semitic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they were like, check out this wacky, this wacky shtetl language, these- What clarinets, more clarinets than you're gonna be used to. Their last name, their real names are Minnie and Clara Bagelman. No. That's, that's, that's a cartoon.

It's real. The Bagelman Sisters? The Bagelman Sisters. I was like, it's on The Simpsons. Like, that's so weird. From Bensonhurst? The Bagelman Sisters? The Bagelman Sisters.

If someone was like, here come the Bagelman Sisters. I'd be like, I think I have to fight you. If somebody said here come the Bagelman Sisters, I would think they were going to be singing those songs you guys were singing. For sure. That's exactly. The fucking Bagelman Sisters of the Bronx, New York,

who would go on to record exclusively in Yiddish, my Yiddish mama, Sean Jordan and David Boria here, as well as my friends and comedians. Sean has Jordan on a, well not, Sean something. He's on Blue Sky, but Sean Cougar Mel Jordan is what he is on Instagram, folks. A Bagelman in many in many respects When does this come out Isaac none your business you dark You go I think I think June 19th. I want to say yeah, I don't know

That's the weekend that I'm there. The weekend. Tonight I'm in Bellingham with the Sklar brothers. Tomorrow I'm in Everett. Bell ending game when you're there, dude. And then the next day I'm in Chehalis. The next day I'm in Chehalis. She-hell no, when you're there, dude.

There it is, that's where the joke's supposed to be. Come on. Don't tell me where the joke's supposed to be. It was a gentle reminder. I'm doing, I'm playing free joke, dude. I'm Ornette Coleman out here, jazz reference. Oh, that's a jazz? I'm a bagel sister.

I'm a bagel sister. Have you heard Ornette Bagelman's music? Ornette Bagelman is free, it's a clarinet based free jazz. It was Benny Goodman's birth name. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah, yeah. But I would have assumed, just coming off Bagelman. It's no Mini Bagelman. Mini Bagelman sounds like who, like a mascot for pizza bagel that they made up. Oh, there was no actual Mini Bagelman,

they just made her up for the bag. Or like one of those weird Japanese video games that don't quite translate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they're like, oh, it was really- Mario Brothers 2. Yeah, Mario Brothers 2 was based on Mini-Bagel Man. They were gonna go, they were gonna do different

ethnic stereotypes every game. So the first Mario Brothers was Italian, and then Mario Brothers 2 was gonna be Jewish guys, and Mario Brothers 3 was originally supposed to be Dutch, but they just, people really liked Mario. They called him Orange Insurance. Orange Insurance. That's the best I could do for Dutch just now. Orange Tulipman?

Okay, yeah. Tulipman? Orange Slave Trader. That's the one. There we landed on it. It was a much grittier game. It was. It was a much grittier game. It's like, no, come on, Sean. No, come on, Sean. Come on in.

Come on in. The water's warm. It's all good. You remember, you've got to heighten. You've got to heighten. You can't stay on the same level. You were going to say what the Belgian one was called. Go on, do it.

I'm just hanging out enjoying my friends. This is all right. No, come on in. I'm just hanging out enjoying my friends. This is all right Jump in the wave pool dude, my friends and I I don't know why it's cuz I just said wave pool It was I think Nick Nampe was one of them to do We did we were like doing a college We drove I think to Ashland to do a college visit at Southern Oregon University And we were staying in a hotel That has for 36 we were 36 years old no we were like night. We were 18 yeah, and we stayed in a hotel that had

Something in between a hot tub and a pool. It was like a big That's piss It was a pie big round. That's piss. It was. A bog? It was a piss bog. This hotel had a piss bog. A bog. We stayed at an outdoor hotel roadway in with a piss bog. We slept in a lean-to next to a piss bog. No, it had like a big heated, but it was circular, right?

Yeah. So it was like a big circular therapeutic pool. And for some reason, the three of us, I can't remember who the third person was, started to figure out that if we all three of us ran in a circle around this circular thing, then it would start getting the water going like that. And we created a whirlpool in the middle,

like a real deal whirlpool, like when you did that thing with like two liter bottle Yeah, and that's just it'll take you around to you can coast on it Yeah, and then you would like pick your feet up Yeah, and that's just when I said wave pool and unlocks that memory weirdly The gentlest circle pit the gentlest circle we're gonna open up this pit everybody. I have a hot take I think wave pools suck. Yeah, they're they're annoying for sure. Never fun in there. You get in there and you're like, what am I doing in here? Yeah. It's always too cold or too warm.

Oh, always. There's always a dude with a boogie board like running into people, too. It's just not fun. It's just not a fun thing. Trying to like really trying to force the waveboard. It's like, you're not having fun. It's one of the only places the lifeguards like really have to pay attention to be on point. And again, know they kind of glance at the pool, but in the wave pool,

it's like dangerous. Right, because it's like one of a swimming pool had a riptide. Yeah, it's like, yeah, let's make it. Let's make it hella dangerous. And then you can drink it the one and two fall. Of course you can. You can bring in your like your your twisters or whatever. Your twisted teas in the wave pool. It's just twisters or whatever your twisted teas in the wave pool It's just it's uncouth. Whoa

Bottles in the wave pool now they make you put it in plastic when I animals Drunk at the water park sounds like a hazard they get it's the three twos though So they give you like they'll give you like a big old Tasty mark, but it's three two or like like rice liquor or whatever, so it is tough. 3-2 beer is bad. Sake? Well, it's like rice, not sake, but it's like wine-based liquor, not rice, sorry, wine-based alcohol.

It's like lower alcohol content, it sucks. It's just shit. Good though, you don't want people yakking at a water park, dude, because that's like, if somebody barfs in a wave pool, you gotta, they're probably not gonna actually drain the whole wave pool. But they're gonna say they are. They'd pour a bunch of blue dye on it.

Yeah, they'd just top off the water like when you put too much cream in your coffee. Yeah. We, I mean, a kid took a dump in the pool when I was like 10, and they drained the whole, it was huge, they drained the whole thing, kicked us all out. The dump or the pool? They squeezed them, they they click they drain the hole it was huge They drain the whole thing kicked us all over the pool They squeezed them a toothpaste in it. We're the all in there. Yeah, if you're gonna do it do it. Don't be a coward

The great pool dump of 89 This kid barely took a dump at all. We gotta take we gotta empty the whole thing Yeah, I remember dump you dump dude like Within a week of that some kids slipped backwards off the high dive too and I'm like, it's dangerous in here. I could always tell with the high dive, I'm like, it's dangerous. We're seven and we're wet and we're climbing

like a story up to jump off, it's dangerous. Yeah, you wouldn't find me up there. Young Ian Carmel, absolutely not. What about old Ian Carmel? No. Less. You know what I remember, Ian, do you remember this in the Northwest?

There's all those lakes, and if you would go swimming at a lake, there would always be a tower that you could swim out to, and then climb up and jump off. I was doing that a lot. That feels like a life-saving measure, because otherwise people are jumping off the shore and then hitting like two feet of water.

You know what I mean? The tower in the middle of the lake is safe. They were still doing that, I guess, right? We had those docks that you couldn't get on. There was a ladder, there was no ladder. So you had to be able to pull yourself up. Humiliating. I had my skinny arms as a child.

All my friends are up there like, come on dude, not helping. They would never help you out. I didn't get the member to do a hundred pull-ups before I came out to the dock. They all treated it like student loans. Like, I got up here, you gotta get up on your own, dude. Just give me a shot. You're gonna learn. You're gonna learn lessons that are gonna carry you through the rest of your life.

And then you get up there and you're like, I'm not going back to the shore till Monday. I'm here. Climbing up like a fucking elephant seal. Just like doing weird chest undulations. So like, you're trying to pull yourself up. You look pretty cool. Your chest and stomach are all like red from going like, over the edge.

Splinters everywhere. Yeah, like you're spreading cream cheese on a bagel. She's like, like, razor remote. I sort of invented my own sport. I was like the Boris Diao of the lake life. I bet Boris Diao considers himself Boris Dio of the Lake Life. I think he does. It's actually Boris Bagel Boy.

Boris Bagel Boy. Boris Dio, basketball player, Jean Jordan. French big dude, slow game. You heard me say tennis in there in a second. I got myself in. You look like a bigger Tony Parker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just, because I was so buoyant,

I would just be like, well, fuck you guys, I'm swimming across the entire lake, because it wasn't anything for me. I was just floating anyway. So I would just like gently. Did it ever not work? Did you ever have to get got? It worked every time, dude.

It worked every time. It was great. I loved it. You would just leave other children to their death in the middle of the lake. Come along! Yeah, like some sort of German folklore figure. That's the Jew who leads the smaller children across the lake.

I do think that type of propaganda is what started those wars. They lead your children to the middle of the lake. They're boy and bagelmen. They float because of all the bagels. They have hollow bones. They eat a lot of bagels. They can float. And you're heavy from schnitzel. Your children are heavy from schnitzel. They sink like stones. On a clear night, you can still hear his cries. Come along, children. It's not queer at all.

Not queer at all. Not queer at all. Josh, just to catch you up on AFE lore, as a child, I used the word queer. Just so you know he's not a hateful bigot. I used the word queer the way it was intended in Webster's dictionary. Curious and curiouser. Curiouser and curiouser, I would like.

He called that movie Queer and Queerer. Queerer and Queerer. I would walk into a room where I knew a pie had been baked and I was like, it, he called that movie Queer and Queerer. Queer and Queerer! I would walk into a room where I knew a pie had been baked and I was like, it does not smell like pie. How queer? And that's how I talk. I'll tell you what, you couldn't get away with that with the accent I grew up around.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You say that about a pie with a Boston accent, some baker's gonna hate crime, you know. What you say? Even Boston accent, some baker's gonna hate crime, you both. What'd you say? Even the baker. Even the baker. Even the baker. Even the baker.

Oh man. Fuck it, Baker's dozens, how many teeth you gonna have left when I'm done with you? 15 teeth. Come here, hand me that rolling pin. Hand me the rolling pin! I can't move my hands. So come see me in Chehalis.

Chehalis, Bellingham, and what was the third place? Bellingham, Chehalis, and Everett. Everett, dude. In some order. Neverett, Bellingham, and Chehalmo. Neverett. What? Famous Filipino comic, Rick Navarret. I was thinking of Bellingham.

Shout out to Rex Navarretty. Rex Navarret. Yeah. David Borey, is your coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. I'm home at this point. I'm home for a while in preparation of popping up in a new place soon. David's moving to Chehalis, dude. Actually, we're moving to Never-It-It's-Cheaper.

Yeah, I'm talking about Mario Brothers. He's gonna go down the pipe. He's running for office in all three cities and never it's cheaper. Yeah, I'm talking about Mario Brothers. Yeah, he's gonna go down a pipe. He's running for office in all three cities and then just whatever works. Wherever he wins, yeah. But yeah, I got nothing. Yeah. Yeah.

Edge in his pants. Comptroller of Bellingham, Washington, David Borey. I think I could win that. I think you could. That's. I had a boss who ran for Comptroller once. And then like, he just got killed. I felt so bad. He was like, I had a boss who ran for Cromptroller once and then like he just got killed. I felt so bad.

He was like, I love this company. Like the day before he's like, I love this company, whatever happens, you know, obviously I'm going on to follow my dreams, but you know, I love you guys. Like, like kind of like an out. And then the next morning I remember there was this guy named Tom who had a snaggletooth and sang opera music Yeah, and he was like poor and rather memorable qualities. Yeah, yeah, yeah! You should have sung it. The comptroller was trounced!

The only time I've ever heard somebody say that in real life. Trounced? The Kidz Bop version of Fuck the Police is Trounce the Comptroller. Is that what a comptroller is? They're a cop? No, no, no. It's like financial stuff, I think. Budgetary stuff. Nothing you need to worry about. Oh, then the mix got it bad, because I'm six! Josh Gondelman is here. Josh Gondelman across platforms. The eponymous, I believe, right?

It's not like Josh Gondelman comedy. Nope. 69 at gmail.com Said you're a comedian People do like gosh John Delman or something like that No, I try it's already a name that nobody knows and hears when I say it quietly so I gotta I gotta make it plain Josh So I gotta make it plain. I'm with you. Josh, plain bagelman. Plain bagelman. Plain bagelman.

Plain bagelman at bluesky.gmail.com. Plain bagelman. You have a new special coming out. I do have a new special coming out. June 27th, 8pm premiere. It's called Positive Reinforcement. It's gonna be on YouTube. On the Blonde Medicine YouTube channel,

but you'll find it by searching my name and the name of the special. And I'm really excited to share it. I really hope people see it. Shot it like a year ago, and finally coming out, I think it looks really nice. My buddy Chris Werner directed it. Excuse me, put together a whole great team production.

I just am really psyched. How much did the god Dominic DelBene get his fingers on this? Oh, Dominic DelBene. All over it? He's all over it. Big Dom. In many ways, the Rudy Van Gelder jazz reference of Stand Up Con.

Getting a man, dude. We gotta get into something he doesn't know about to reference music. Me and Sean are big bebop guys. Bebop is jazz, dude. You're fucked. Not the way I listen to it. Maybe if you're a pussy. You're like Lieutenant Dan up on the mast of a ship and it's in a hurricane

listening to Charlie Parker. I thought you were talking about another jazz guy who looks like a virgin? That's what I say. Under the storm. Birdland! Blue water! This hurricane is trancing me. And I'm strapped to the mast so I don't go hang out in the jazz club on either side of the river. Real Odyssey shit. Well, other than that.

Real Odyssey shit. Real Odyssey hours only, bro. Charlie Parker. Oh Odyssey shit well Odyssey hours only bro. Oh, thank you. Parker is cool. Charlie Parker is cool there. He was well Bird is a good nickname bird is a good nickname. Yeah bird is birds a good short for yard bird. I Didn't know yeah, yeah, I didn't know Larry bird short for Larry bird he foretold the government He was a really interesting he was like a real polymath kind of guy Charlie Parker

I'll only talk about him for 10 more seconds, but like just a really interesting dude kind of guy who would say trounced Yeah, yeah, yeah kind of a snaggle-toothed opera man himself Charlie Parker many way to explain someone. He loves snaggletooth opermans. If you knew the guy, I'm doing him a service that way. I'm like, what? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Oh, dude, your bar fit again. That's what he has to sing. It's like one of those things where it's like he doesn't, you know, some people don't stutter when they sing.

He doesn't puke when he sings opera. Can I ask you guys a question? Yeah. If you had one guess, what kind of hat did he wear every day to work? Oh, one of those like a, like a Kangol, maybe like a, like a newsboy slash Kangol hat. Bill Fedora. Billed Beanie. One hundred Sean got it.

Oh, okay. Kangol. One of those like Boston. Kangol. Well, not more like a newsboy than a Kangol. Oh, okay. You know what I'm talking about? Like a guy from Boston wears it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a Scally Cap. Yeah, it's not. It's not your Uncle Mark. A backwards Kangol. Mark L. Jackson. Singing opera in a Kangol is like a beautiful image of... At the gas station. I don't know if that's ever been done.

Sonorous Rick the Wizard. I gotta look up if Pavarotti ever wore a Kangol. Working at the gas station? I can see him doing panel on Carson in a Kangol. Did you look up Pavarotti Kangol? I did. That's a different guy. A picture of Jason Diamond comes up pretty quick.

Veljani, do you have a Jason Diamond? Hey, Jason Diamond. Tennis player. Jason Diamond's rap name is Pavarotti Kangol. It's fucking, the first row's all AI generated images because we live in a horror era. And then there's LL Cool J. Sure, the Pavarotti of Kangols. The Pavarotti of Kangols.

And then like, who's this guy? Half length Kangol, stock photos of a guy in a Kangol. And then Jason Diamond. I can kind of see it, because there was like an era where like Jason Alexander I feel like was wearing Kangols. I think that it was a lot more accessible of a hat for a little bit. Yeah. There was a minute like I feel like around when Jackie Brown dropped that like a lot

of people could wear Kangols. Where would you even, where would you go buy one? Where could you go buy one at the store? The Kangaroo store? But wait, Sears? No, Sears. I bet they carried them at lids during that era. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe, maybe, maybe, that'd be. Damn, you got a Kangol for 50 bucks. Oh yeah, you got a, you, a real one? Entry level. Yeah, a real one. It's not a Kangoo, it's a Kangol. Entry level. Bootleg Kang a real one. It's not a kangoo, it's a kangol. Entry level.

I'm playing Kangols. I got a kangoo. Dude, this one's a wallaby. Ernie Johnson, inside the NBA's Ernie Johnson was sitting at courtside at the French Open tennis, wearing a kangol right now. It's so great. Did you see that?

I could see that. It's happening. They have fur Kangles. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we should... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We should make Kangles for the next, for the Denver show. Should we all make Kangles, guys?

Those bucket hats went like crazy by the way. Did they? Well, we got a guy like Ian Car the way. Did they? Yes. Well, you got a guy like Ian Carmel wearing them on camera, dude. Sorry to everyone who didn't kill one. They keep hitting me up and I'm like, oh, we made 50, I think. Okay, you can get-

We made sure to pre-order your Kangol. You can get, and I'm not saying we should, I'm not saying we shouldn't, either. I'm not saying that. You can get a bamboo Kangol Beret. Bamboo? It's made out of bamboo, so it's got a little bit of body to it, body. Bamboo Kangol Beret. It's made out of bamboo so it's got a little bit of body to it. Body.

Bamboo Kangol Beret. That was actually the first. Yeah, Prince did write to edit those lyrics. He crawled so we could walk. Actually it was Apollonia was the one who told him it wasn't working. She's like, it's just not. She's like, where would you find one of those at a secondhand store? Would you ever see the bamboo cameo for Ray at a secondhand store? Nobody's giving that away, Prince. Prince, people need to hear this song. Maybe in a state sale,

but definitely not a secondhand store. Yeah, here's the- You know what's weird? I never thought about the idea that people in his life, they called him Prince. Yeah, cause he did, that's not- I guess I don't know what I thought they would call him, but his life, they called him Prince. Yeah, cause that's not, I guess I don't know what I thought they would call him, but it's weird that they were like, hey Prince, you need a soda?

Yeah, his name's Prince. Yeah. Prince Nelson? Nelson, Prince Rogers Nelson? Prince Nelson? From Minneapolis. That's right. Interesting.

Interesting setup. Yeah, cause it's, there's not a lot of other guys like Prince from Minneapolis. But there's no place Prince could be from. A lot of famous guys. That's right, that's right. Where you'd be like, well, of course.

That's true too. I guess I'd think of that of any city that he came from. Maybe like, not a lot of Prince-like fellas. Even like New Orleans would be weird for exact, like that would be maybe the make the most sense just cuz People be people people come from that interesting people come from that city. He always felt like he was from the future to me Yeah, yeah, totally new, New York New, New York After the first one collapsed in the bagel

In a weird way it makes sense that not a weird way, it makes sense that, not in a weird way, it makes sense that Andre 3000 comes from Atlanta. Yeah, yeah. Even as futuristic as he was. The whole thing makes sense. What about Missy being from Virginia? But you gotta think about who else is from that group.

So that's the opposite of Prince. That 10 mile radius is Virginia Beach? Well, cause you're like, oh, there are a lot of people that are collaboratively like Missy Elliott from Virginia Beach. Yeah, Timberland and Perrell. That's true. Yeah, that's true.

So you're like, I guess that's what Virginia Beach is like. It's like Prince and who else is from, the guy who does the Lake Wobbegon? Ashton Kutcher or something? Or like, Sean William Scott. Sean William Scott or like one of the, Josh Hardin, one of them's from Minneapolis. Well lifter puller lifter puller Dillinger for if you they had Minneapolis had like an amazing soul scene Like in the 50s and 60s. Well, you know who else is from there is Morris Day in the time

Bunch other guys like Prince for better. Yeah, that's another guy where you're there we go. There are some. There are a bunch of other guys like Prince of Man. That is true. Yeah, that's another guy where you're like, I don't know how that happened. Lizzo and Bob Dylan are both from Minneapolis. Yeah. That's true. And the Dillons are four. Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, I guess? Oh man, they're cool because they wore

the matching suits all the time. Yeah, I like that. Lizzo and Bob Dylan should have done more of that. They should have done matching suits. Oh,. Yeah, I like that. Lizzo and Bob Dylan should have done more of that. Should have done matching suits. Oh, Jimmy G is from Minneapolis. Terry Lewis is from Omaha. You know who's one who doesn't make sense? Babyface is from Indianapolis.

That's weird. Indianapolis has some, has like a weird roster of people. Besides Babyface? It's Babyface, Mike Epps, John Cougar, Melon Camp. How'd you know that? How'd you know that? You know that? Friend of theface, Mike Epps, John Cougar, Mellencamp. How did you know that? How did you know that? You know that? Friend of the podcast, Roxane Gay.

Crazy. Is she from Indianapolis? Yeah, she's from Indianapolis. That is a good roster. That's a good lineup. That's a good, good lineup. I only know the Epps thing, because he's been sitting courtside at Pacers games.

Oh yeah. I did know that about- He did a show called Indiana Mike. Yeah. Also, didn't he buy his block? I think he bought his block in another block in Minneapolis. Yeah, it's pretty cool. It'd be way less cool if I did that in Beaverton.

Speaking of which, off Mike. Prince and the Revolution versus Morris Day and the Time. Did you know Morris Day and the Time had a... You know how you have like, Nellie had the St. Lunatics? Yeah. Morris Day and the Times was a process in the durags. Is that real?

Yeah, look it up. Damn. But that's just the whole, Nellie was a guy and he had the, like Morris Day already has the Time. Sean, we have the whole other thing. He has another other, Sean, we gotta say. My eyes roll back in my head.

That's like Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band and 10,000 Maniacs. Unfortunately, but Sean, we have to change our improv group's name, dude. Processing the durags is taken. Well, there's still Pavarotti Kangol. Kangol Pavarotti. Well, I gotta hit Jason Diamond up about that. That's right. Also, if you look them up, they look just like what you think they look like. They're doing durags for sure.

No, no durags actually. What? They don't look anything like that. Shosh is pissed. They got waves though. I don't know, I'm too white to be saying, but they got waves though. I don't know I'm too white to be saying but they Isolate that But they got waves though you already said three times

as an endorsement for a wave Right a commercial what if you go out of the game as you just you just make a durag? Like how Bow Wow has those durags? But they're for Jewish guys, I'm not gonna say what the name would be It's a yarmulke that's also a durag You have to unwrap the yarmulke Called the Hebrew rag, yeah Kids at day school are doing wave checks The Hebrew rag

It's just a bunch of kids And the thing that he takes it on Yeah and, and he takes it off, and they're like, oh, shit. Those pants are spinning. My fucking rabbi is up my ass right now. My name's Ian Carmel, and I'm Amari Sotomayor. It took me embarrassingly long to realize you were doing two different guys. Yeah, I was confused.

We like to talk to you about an exciting investment opportunity. Hey sharks. You're both sitting in wine baths. You brought to the Senate Shark Tank. Separate wine bags like a Cialis commercial. You said, he was in his wine baths. My name is Ian Carmel. I have nothing to promote but World Peace.

Meta World Peace. You can watch my special, but nothing but the, what was this, Panda? Miriam Pandaman? Metal World Peace had a panda base. I was thinking of your special, Come For Beyond God's foreskin, I thought you forgot the name. Come For Beyond God's foreskin.

On YouTube. That was like what a five year old gave his funny. I thought it was called Skin Before God for Comfort. That's what it is, Skin Before God for Comfort. My old special, Processing the Durex, I'm changing the name. Put your Skin before God for comfort. My new, my old special process in the durags. I'm changing the name. Put your skin before God, son. That's never follows an act that's a good act.

Nobody's doing anything good after they say that. That's right. Don't tell. You're cutting off your own head with an ant. Yeah, yeah, that shit is bleak. Watch my special. Above all, now it's sitting pretty at 105,000 views on YouTube. Pretty fun. That's pretty fun.

Yeah, it's great about it. Thank you, Josh. I'm very excited to watch yours. Oh, thank you. I think it's a lot of fun. Very, very gentle. We could use a little gentle I've been recommending all your stuff to people as like because I feel like people ask sometimes like what's good comedy Like I see what comes up, you know, it's kind of being thrown at me. And it's like all you get like David's special I thought the way it was shot was so fucking dope and like in the like from above and so it was great and Ian's so wonderful and funny Yes birth of a great and Ian's so wonderful and funny

Yes, birth of a nation and Sean's most recent album is really wonderful. It's just like everybody has boy. So funny boy mom Sean's album boy mom Girl dad did Sean's album girl dad next one squirrel dad world had beyond God's Squirrel definition beyond God's control. You should name it Squirrel dad of a nation. Squirrel dad of a nation beyond God's control. Squirrel dad of a nation. It takes a nation of squirrels to hold us down. Squirrel dad of a nation. God can't touch me. God doesn't even know where I am.

Only God can touch me. Only God can touch me. That's like a That's like a fucking pamphlet for children about not jacking off. Only God can touch me now. Only God can touch me! Oh! It's just screaming that in prison. I'm Tupac and I'm here to discuss

abstinence only education. Only God can touch me. That's why I got this cross abstinence only education. Only God can touch me. That's why I got this cross tattoo to my back and only God can touch me in all language. What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? And my whole spine tattoo. Like an outline of my spine tattoo. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. You see that guy at the beach and you're like, can I ask him? Dude. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Touch me now. You see that guy at the beach and you're like, can I ask him or will he? No!

Oh my God! Ah! Ah! Did it hurt? When you fell out of heaven? It's crazy to be out of heaven. When God knew you broke up and kicked you out of heaven. Was he rough?

Isn't that what happened with the devil? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they broke up. Messy breakup. Messy breakup. Messy breakup. And have you seen the devil's place? It is gnarly.

No, it's bad, dude. I love the idea of God referring to the devil as my ex. Yeah. You know what he's up to down there. My ex is a real bitch. Yes. And by the way, I think I hate when people say that. Like I do hate when people say like,

oh, my ex is crazy. My ex is actually crazy. Yeah, yeah. He watches all my Instagram stories. I see. He doesn't know you can see. And harvests the darkness of extinguished souls. He lives in a lake of screams.

Yeah, okay. He's actually crazy. We are gathered here today, not only to talk about the lake of screams. Yeah, okay. He's actually crazy We're gathered here today not only to talk about the lake of screams, but also to fantasy draft professions that no longer exist No, okay. Okay. Do they have to be completely? eradicated I think so like What if you googled it and there's a couple that are in like New York? I think I know exactly what you're going to pick. You talking about Bagelman? A jelly offer.

So here's a very Jewish New York one that's like door to door Seltzer delivery and one guy still does it. But I think you could claim it still. But he doesn't get paid. Is he one of those guys who doesn't know what year it is though? He just lives so deep in Brooklyn. He's like, there's a war on. One of the boys coming home.

Factories are getting dusty. Oh, I think it exists at all. I think it's out of play, dude. OK. OK. Yeah. Well, then I. OK. Then I have a heart that's out of play dude. Okay. Yeah. Well then I Okay, then I have heard that I don't even know if they had names, but I named them. I'm excited for okay will he be a man hunter I think like Well, we'll find out we'll find out Now the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock-paper-scissors

Play between the three of you and we throw one shoot Here we go rock paper scissors shoot Come on. Oh cats. Here we go again rock paper scissors shoot. Oh Sean wins a natural victory scissors against two paper Sean is the winner doesn't come upon you to determine the order days rap before you do that I will remind you it is a serpentine draft. What is that? That's a great question it's like if you tell a cake decorator to put an uncoiled snake on your cake. Wow, okay, yeah, very literally about a snake.

I mean, it has to be pretty long. I'm running out. Yeah, well, it's a long, what, have you never had a birthday party? Did you put a snake on your daughter's cake for her fourth birthday? We got her a basketball court size cake. Yeah.

She doesn't like cake. We got it for her anyways. What, does she like sweets at all? She likes, I think she's gonna like angel food cake. She doesn't like frosting, she likes gummies. But she also likes those confetti, entamens, those little entamens cupcakes, you know what I'm talking about? Oh, zebra cakes? No, no, no, no.

No, the little... Zingers? No. Little single muffins almost. Oh, yeah. I know those. She loves those. I love the idea of an unspooled snake on a birthday cake because it makes me think of a birthday cake shaped like a party sub.

Which we can't. Oh, that's a good question. A long cake? Yeah. No six foot long party cake. Man, Isaac cut out that amazing idea where you take that to the bank. That's our out. Nobody gets their hands on that.

But can you imagine the Durag Yamaka? We're like done. The Durag Yamaka. Happy retirement, boys. We're done with comedy. Legitimately can't believe that in like 2002 there wasn't a rapper named Durag Yamaka. Like Matasyahu was so close rapper named Durag Yamaka.

Like Matasya who was so close to being Durag Yamaka. Where is he now? He's around. He's like at the Roseland every year. Really? Yeah. I feel like I saw him. I did.

I saw him in concert. I remember trying to show a woman that music. Was her name Rachel? No, I just said that's not gonna work. woman that music. Was her name Rachel? Did she run out like the Kool-Aid man? Did she put it on? It was like that Got No Water song and I was like, you know what? I can't even explain this.

I can explain to a bunch of dudes. Me and the dudes in the living room got it, but as soon as I'm talking to a girl, I don't know what it means. I did a music festival in Miami that Madaseh was supposed to headline. That's one of the two places that would happen. Yep. The whole second day got rained out, so Madaseh never performed, and all the checks bounced. Ha! That's so funny. I would love to know the guys in their board and they were like, all right, Maddus Yahu, Josh Gondelman. Yep.

Honestly, the lineup, who cares about the rest? That's right. We got it. As long as it doesn't rain. I'll tell you, Matt Bronger was there. Okay, there we go. Wyatt Sinak was there. Yeah, of course.

What the fuck? James Adovian. Yeah. Ron, Bronger was there. Okay, there we go. Wyatt Sinak was there. Yeah, of course. Ron Futch is James Adomian. Ron, I think it was Ron that went, it was like the last night and there was nothing happening because it was going to rain so much and a bunch of us were just hanging out and Ron was like, you better cash those checks tonight, man, because they will not be good tomorrow.

I feel like it's the same Booker who was like, you know who I'll book for the Marines? Josh Garmann, David Borey, and Finesse Mitchell. You remember that? Yeah, dude! The real big three. It was the weirdest road gigs in the world. We just did three military bases.

All around Virginia. I remember them getting progressively worse. Yeah, yeah, the last one a kid got thrown out of the Marines, remember? Yeah, we bombed so hard a guy got kicked out of the army. Yeah, it was pretty fucking brutal. You can't just watch people bomb like this and do nothing What a great episode It's only gonna get worse when I start saying my made-up jobs, this was hard for me you guys had a easy time doing this

This is tough. There's like a good list to You guys had a easy time doing this is toughy. Yeah, there's like a good list to Are we doing all right all right all right whatever you guys will like me afterwards regardless right tell me you will yes It's funnier if I blow it in that look at my arm doesn't look funny That's how everyone under 30 takes selfies they do the point five and it's all arm. It's all arm. Yeah, yeah. All right, he's young dude. Sean's a young guy. Sean, what is the order of today's rep? Basically it means fourth and first and first number. Ian. Oh, Ian Carmel going first? Josh. Okay. Myself, David. Oh, hot corner. These guys both have a hot corner. I said youse guys.

You did say youse guys. Are you a seltzer man? I did just accidentally say youse guys. I've always wondered how it happens. I just did it. I was wondering how you racked your brain out to get it in there. How did it feel? Pretty dope.

It didn't sound crazy. Yeah. Like I wouldn't have said anything if you didn't say anything. As long as you don't force it, it sounds, that sucks, I'm gonna force it for the rest of the day, I think, because I just did it. Well yeah, bro, you're gonna come in and lower and match, you guys want some dinner?

You guys, what, you guys want some pizza? You just want a confetti cupcake. I just beat the shit out of the neighbor. You have to put the podcast. You're different now. Do you ever say stuff in like your significant other it can be, it can tell like, oh, he's been podcasting. If she hears me talking to you guys on the phone,

if I say peace, that's a big one, like, all right, peace. She'll get off the phone. She's like, all right, peace. She'll do that. And I'm like, I can talk to you like that if you want. Do you want me to talk to you like that? And every time she's like, no, I'm like, okay, well, I'll keep saying goodbye to you.

Oh, I thought you meant like you could pick her up on her things that she says. No, no, it's like, do you want me to, you know? No, he literally meant I could- I could be like, alright bro, what's up? Yeah, give me peace across the board. I could be the real me. You want to talk to who you married? Can I say this before we get off the peace thing? I could be the real me. You want to talk to who you married?

Can I say this before we get off the peace thing? I enjoy the sentiment, but like it was always the corniest people who would say peace in the Middle East. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yes, I want it that known. Sure, sure. This isn't how we get there. We did, me picking you up to go to the movies and ending that phone call. That's not what's gonna make that happen Yeah, yeah, it's a different version of the guy. We talked about last time. I was here, which is the female pronouns for God guy

Yeah, it's a good guy though She's always watching Josh You don't end up with her ex downstairs, I'll tell you that We're gonna get to my first bit We're gonna have you I hate it. I don't like you're still in the hot corner Still hot corner. It's a less hot corner, but a warm corner warm corn warm Go sit in the warm corner with your baby We'll be your blue kangaroo will be'll be right back with more warm corn

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We talk about it all the time, but it is good to have someone in your corner, not to single anyone out, but you know, men, just looking at men right now, there's still a stigma. For some reason, guys just don't think it's that easy to like seek help.

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Welcome back to warm corn on all fantasy everything. She rubs the niblets on her skin. Oh! Or else she gets the cob again. Oh! Perfect! Blow the corn. Blow the corn.

Oh, niblets. I thought niblets was as bad as it got. Then I heard Cobb in that voice. Yeah, it's bad. I regret it. People are turning off this podcast. No, they're not. Somebody just crashed. Somebody just crashed their car. On purpose.

They got in their car and crashed it. Some dude just drove his Ducati off a bridge. A lot of guys listening to Ducati Some dude just drove his Ducati off a bridge. A lot of guys listening to Ducati. We're big in the Ducati. We're the big, we're big. What if somebody pulled up at a stoplight at a Ducati and it was just, welcome! Just smoking us a glass.

What do you think the median car of in all fantasy everything listening to this? Subaru Outback. Yeah. Oh, I was going to the one of the newer Kia's. Oh It's just like very reasonable flash yeah, hit us up with the comments What kind of are you a Kia driver you more of a Subaru or a smash and like bro smash and like also Kia? If you want to bless me and Sean you could have the whole crew. Oh, what What is smashing like is that about crashing car? Yeah, I'm trying out album names Smashing like if you guys giggle I write it down if you have if you have the craziest car If you think you have the least a fe car do hit us up one of you is driving a Batmobile

I bet so somebody's got something crazy. Somebody probably... I bet there's someone listening that has an ice cream truck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 50 Licks. Shout out 50 Licks. They catered the wedding. Oh yeah. Absolutely. I don't think they're getting around town car, but they got one. I'm talking about how do you go to Safeway. Or whatever Kroger brand is doing.

I bet somebody bought that El Camino me and Sean were going to go half-sawing. Could have been you guys. Also, they're having... they're coming out with a that El Camino show on me and Shawn. We're gonna go half-song. Could have been these guys also They're having they're coming out with a new El Camino Are they on Instagram an EV? TV Camino. No, I don't know Electric hot tub. Is that a good name for an album? We're back, yeah, welcome back to AllFans of everything.

Welcome back. We've been back. It's time for my first pick in the jobs that no longer, professions that no longer exist. And I think I gotta go with a clear, clear number one, because when you see this one in a movie or whatever, you're like, we're in the past right now, because people don't do this anymore.

It was a whole, it looked like one of the most stressful jobs you could have by the way. Taking switchboard operator. Yeah. Oh yeah. Wow. But you could smoke cigs. You could smoke cigs.

You could really rip cigs. I never take the edge off. Yeah. It's a whole, I'm like, it's a whole. They're all just holes. How do you know where Mr. Johnson, which hole does he live in? I don't.

Don't say which hole is Mr. Johnson living in anymore. You don't want to know. Johnson, which hole does he live in? I don't say. I don't say. I don't say. I don't say. God can touch me. You don't want to know the answer. I would always prank call during the dust bowl. I'd be like, hey, where does Mr. Johnson live? Which hole does Mr. Johnson live in? You're doing pranks for the switchboard operating.

Hey, I'm not a dust. Oh, man. Everything was so physical, those phones that you had to pick the thing off the thing and then do the road. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I remember having one of those when I was a little kid cuz they were still like us too. Yeah. Dial one. It took forever to call you. You had to really want to talk to somebody. Sometimes I'd get impatient and I'd let my finger off the eight and it was a seven and I'd have to start again.

You just rip the phone out of the wall. Sorry grandma, you don't have a phone anymore. Back when you had to talk on the phone in the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could walk into one other room. You could get to an adjacent room. If you saw that wire tight pulled around the door, like a door frame. And you gotta get it

underneath the door so you don't pinch it in the thing. Yeah. People probably died running into a room with a taut phone cord there just tripping it. Just beefing it, dude. Close line like Razor Ramon got their hands on you. Yeah. Yuck. Like that's a cause of death.

If we were drafting causes of death that no longer exist, there's one, dude. Phone cord. Phone cord. Phone cord. Another one stepped on by a wooly mammoth. There's two. You want a third option mammoth. There's two You want you want a third option

Hey, is it true Willie mammoth's weren't that big like they said Willie mammoth is a jazz guy actually It's all 250 actually Even Cannonball Adderley had a duos record that was really good. That's one of the coolest names that's ever been, Cannonball Adderley. The greatest. Cannonball Adderley, get out of town.

That and Potato Valdez, dude. Two guys, real. I don't know Potato Valdez. Potato Valdez was got bongos, congas. He was drunk. His original nickname was Pato Valdez, because people call him like the duck. And he got to America and people were like,

potato, you got it. They call him potato. And Ellis Island, they gave him a new jazz nickname. No, if you want a bongo in New York City, buddy. Play a lick, we'll give you a name. I don't know, potato. Brief period during the roaring 20s, all immigrants were given a new jazz name.

What does Bongo Nelson live? Which hole does Bongo Nelson live? I don't like that either. Better than Mr. Johnson, though. Switchboard operator. And you just had to repeat the same phrase over and over again. Like, you know, like, I don't know. But you know, potato Valdez, thank you for calling right away. Potato Valdez, thank you for calling.

So you always have to call. So back in the day, you always had to call the switchboard, tell them who you wanted to get and they would connect you. I don't know. You couldn't just call someone. I don't know. OK, because that's what or did that was it like information if you're like, hey What what is how do I get this person? Yeah, did you not did you not need phone numbers? What you would call the switchboard operator and they would put you you watch like Boardwalk Empire and they just pick the phone up And there's no dial or anything. It's just

And they're and they had to it'd be like the one on the ear and the one in the mouth They're with the mouth. Everything went on like tin can rules. Yeah The one of the year the one on the mouth was what one in the mouth. Well, the mouth piece and the ear piece. Everything went on like tin can rules. Yeah. The one in the ear and the one in the mouth was what I was thinking of, because we had the regular rotary phone, but we didn't go ear and mouth, which is so funny that my reference point for that is like the beginning of Mary Poppins.

Yeah. Well, when you find which hole Mr. Johnson lives in, you get one in the ear and the mouth. Got a third one for your brother. I don't like it. I don't like that I got involved. Yeah. You know I get mixed up in Sean's brain.

My dirty little games. I don't know what those rules were. These foolish games are tearing us apart. My dirty little sexual games. Like and subscribe on YouTube. Oh, by the way. Smash the like, bro. We never said this when we were doing the video,

but we are fully on YouTube now Like you can watch. Oh, yeah, the last the previous four episodes and then the the following episodes in perpetuity and this one This is also gonna be on YouTube. Yeah, you can just watch us goofing around dude Carrying on being silly on YouTube to see how hard we laugh in real life. When my grandfather, or great grandfather, came to America. When he started his YouTube channel. They changed his name to Big Purpatuity. Cause he could circle breathe like Kenny G.

Is that what, I thought Tenacious D made that up. Kenny G could do that? Kenny G could do that. And he still does it. That's awesome. That's who he can play for so long. Made up circular breathing? Well, Jack Black's got that song where he's like,

I'm never, I'm always fucking singing. And I'm always fucking. Inward singing. Sorry, I saw a ghost. Circular breathing, let me see who did invent it. Potato badass. He stole it from perpetuity gondolin. Yeah.

Yeah. Don't bring it up at the family reunion. Oh yeah, he gets going. He thinks he made it up. It was really potato, obviously. Dude, Kenny G in 97 held a singular saxophone note for 45 minutes, 47 seconds. And then, in February 2000, Van Birchfield

beat him by two whole minutes. You know know he also stole Kenny G's high school girlfriend For him forever it's his guts Hates his guts But the that guy until now Van Birchfield oh You got to get deep in the Van Birchfield catalog. You ever watch that Kenny G documentary? Yeah. It was really interesting. It was good, yeah. He is aware that people hate him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he knows what it is. What's the hate for? You know where you're like, why? Because he's really good at something? It felt like such a 90s meme thing, right? I know. Before there was internet memes, it was just like, everyone you knew would be like, fuck Kenny G though, right?

And everyone's like, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Every horrible comedian, I bet. Yeah. I don't even know any Kenny G songs. It's a... I don't think he's got a, I think it's, I think they're more vibes.

Like the song, they're not like, shits, are they? Well, he doesn't have like radio songs. They didn't even just like, He's got like a couple of moods. He's got like, na na na na na na na na na na na na. Yeah, he was getting like on adult contemporary radio for sure. His Wikipedia says he's recorded Chinese songs, which... Oh, he's big in China.

How do you do that on the saxophone? The Chinese saxophone? You've never done that? You need to just give it a hand jobs? Chinese saxophone. Go have yourself a Canadian power thruster whatever it's called. I don't even think that was recorded. Do a Chinese accent. Listeners, if you've ever heard of Canadian doubles to refer to any two on one competition, please confirm that I did this.

No, you better three way sex. Well, you've had a three-way sex. Well, I was referring to three-way sex, but it was two, like a couple, one person dating a couple. But I was using a phrase that already exists. Hit us up on the YouTube comments. Let us know if you've heard of Chinese saxophone or Canadian doubles. Send a picture of your Chinese saxophone and we're good. Don't do that! Send it to David's DMs. Hit David in the inbox.

I think people won't like, I mean they, well whatever. People can feel however they want about Kenny G, but real jazz guys like Ian Carmel. That's what they said in New Orleans. I heard whispering, we walked by, they're like, there's that jazz guy Ian. That's that real jazz guy Ian Carmel. He knows Candyman. Candyman. My wife, I don't think anyone's gonna say this, but I was talking about this,

the draft of my wife Maris before this, and she suggested Candyman. And I was like, I think they still have those. They just don't advertise it the same way. It's on my middle list. I have a middle list and Candyman was on there. You don't have a list. When you guys say Candyman, I think of that song where they're like,

Candyman tell him the truth! That guy's not real anymore. That guy's gonna end up knocking the boots. And that's G. Wilder, right? Yeah. Speaking of which, I'm taking cameo for my second pick. I'm just doing two in a row. That guy's not real anymore. That guy can't be around. he couldn't have made that last.

He could not have made that. The website just took him out of the game, his SEO is fucking atrocious now. Josh, did you know that there's other cameo songs other than the one we all know? Word up. Word up. Is Candy the one that everybody knows? I don't know. I think it's word up.

I know word up, yeah. I'm the only recording artist that has one song ever. It's me. I don't think. I know Word Up. Yeah. I'm the only recording artist that has one song ever. It's me. I don't think so. That can't be true. It's probably not, but it's fun to say. If anyone here wants to go on a fun YouTube rebel, just look up cameo music videos,

because I hadn't seen. Oh yeah, you got your mind blown. I had my mind blown. It's a lot. What were you guys were like hanging out in the kitchen, and I went back to the TV and I was like, what else, what are some other cameo related things I can see?

We moved into the kitchen like geez. I think this party belongs in that tiny little kitchen. Now people hear cameo, it's a shame what's happened. Now people just think getting a happy birthday video from Kevin from the office. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it didn't used to be that. It used to be a guy wearing a codpiece

on all of the cocaine available in his city. Singing like a cartoon cat. You know, he was like Jay-Z. He never wrote anything down. He just heard that beat and was like, yes, I know. Hahahaha. He's like, no, let him play, let him play. Hahahaha. He's like the music equivalent of something that's like so spicy you can't stop eating it.

You know what I mean? It's like, oh, oh, what? Oh, I have another one. That music makes me feel like the middle of sex where you really lose yourself in it. And you're just, you're just, you're just there. Afterwards you're kind of embarrassed. You're like, what's that, listen to the cameo?

That's what it feels like. And it left my body for a while. Sorry about that. I did too much with your ear and eye that's on me. Feels real nice Word up! That was a crazy cameo impression shot Right in the middle. I didn't even finish

It's like Roseanne yelling word up a little bit. I would pay $1,000 to watch Rose and cover cameo songs Gosh gentlemen, it is time for your first pick. All right, um, I Feel like this one might might get snatched up. I got a deep list but number one pick I'm going bootlegger Yeah, that's a good one. Damn it. I think people still make moonshine illegally though. For sure. But I don't think it's considered bootlegging, right?

At that point. I don't think so. Yeah, what makes it bootlegging? Driving it. Yeah, it's like the distribution network. Oh, because that's how NASCAR started? Driving it from New York to Tennessee or whatever, yeah. I don't know that.

I learned that from Taladay Good Nights. I'm sorry, I wanted to sound cool for you guys, I don't know that I learned that I learned that from talladega nights I'm sorry. I wanted to sound cool for you guys. I think it's probably true though I think it's I like the bootleggers like would soup up their engines so they could beat the cops But once again heard that in a Will Ferrell give it a few extra cranks However, whenever you see those cars, you're like, how did you outrun any I could walk faster than those cars had to yeah But couldn't you just like shoot? I don't know, they had guns, right? Couldn't you just see that car and just start shooting? Was there a time where horses were faster

than cars for a while? For sure. I bet. In the beginning? It must have been so embarrassing to have a car back in those days. It's just, yeah, well this cost me $100. That horse was free, so fuck you. I bet you there were a lot of dudes who tried to hold on

who felt really bad at the end. Yeah. To horses? yeah, like they had to get a car and they're like Nice it's just a fad you fucking idiot you're gonna be crawling back to your horse I'm surprised that there's not people, like, bootlegging, like, 4Loco. Like, is there a 4Loco- like, original recipe 4Loco bootleggers? I think it went into, like, clothes and textiles and stuff. Bootleggers? Yeah, Shimada. As we've learned from the tariffs, right? Yeah. And just other drugs.

Yeah, that's true. They got hard- they in the harder stuff. I think probably easier to transport many drugs than booze because the volume of what it takes to have a party's worth of booze even is so much compared to one guy walks around with an entire party of cocaine in his pocket. Yeah, he's not as big of a size of a squeeze, our You can't like, boof liquor and have that do anything worthwhile.

Like you know what I mean? What? People used to butt chug, remember? Well butt chugs, that's all for you. But you're not distributing that boof afterwards. You can't come to a party and be like, I butt chugged a whole ton of liquor. Line up? You guys want me to barf on you?

If the celebrator only goes up. Five tablespoons of bourbon in my ass. But it's been up there all day. Who's trying to baby bird some gin? I brought this from Canada. I brought all these straws that could be like a party bowl. Alive on my tummy. Can't we just eat sushi off of them and make it light?

No, you're drinking warm gin out of my ass because it burns. We got a dining room table with a butt-sized hole in it. So you can just get in there. There's your album name, you got it. Dining room table with a butt-sized hole. I've been stuck inside this butt-sized hole. I've been stuck inside this butt-sized hole. Oh, we.

Hey! Holy cow. Bootlegger is an excellent pick. Sean Jordan, time for your Primero pick, dude. MTV VJ. Oh, is that not? Incredible. Do they not have that anymore? They don't have VJs.

Downtown, Julie Brown, Matthew. I don't think they have V anymore. No, I don't think, I mean you can catch music if you go on like 90, like the Nostalgia Channel or whatever, but there's no, there's no like Ricky Rachman, Carson Daly, you know, Duff. Hard right by the way, Duff did. Oh no. Duff did?

Who was your favorite? I think so. Who was your favorite VJ, Sean? I like Ricky Rackman a lot. Headbangerz Ball when I was a kid. Obviously UMTV reps. Dr. Dre and Ed Lover were fantastic. Probably that, since as I'm saying it.

What about Daisy Fuentes? Well they had, I mean, they had like Adam Sandler back was he wasn't Carmen Electra one Kind of she was on singled out Adam McCarthy and then I think maybe deed some V's Maybe Jockey'd some videos. Whatever. Yeah Really nice swagger. Yeah, Dave Holmes. Really nice guy.

Yeah, I like Dave Holmes a lot. Shoulda won that contest. Shoulda won the contest. Everyone at MTV was like, what did we do? Cause they gave him a job anyways. Yeah, they brought him, they were like, this guy's just so much better. And he was like, I'm getting a free galeiche by Korn.

What just happened? Jesse Camp, right? Do you remember Jesse Camp, the guy who won, who won for me to be a DJ? I wanna be a DJ, and Dave Holmes got second, and they're like, but Dave though, first. Yeah, we're gonna hire the guy who can do this. Yeah, I mean, it was like, oh, hey everybody.

Like, he talked like that, right? Am I crazy? Yeah, he did. I think it was like those earlier days of, not like the first ever competition shows, because obviously there was Star Search and stuff, but I feel like there were people that were like, when the public was given the phone number to call in,

we were like, we're gonna do it like, voting an unpopular kid prom king. Yes, I think that's exactly what happened. And then it was real. There was no, nobody behind the scenes was like doctoring the numbers. I think they really did let the public choose and they're like, all right, that'll never happen again.

But I was, I mean, I don't know. I'm not splitting the atom here, but I always wanted to be a VJ who didn't. It would've been so fun. I never aspired to it. No, I never thought about it. You didn't think it'd be fun? It didn't occur to me as a thing you could do, I guess.

But neither did stand-up comedy or anything. Yeah, I didn't either. There weren't a lot of little fat kids on there. Yeah, I wouldn't even know how, what you do, what you do first. I guess you'd be a radio jockey and then you're a particularly good looking one and then you make the jump. I just forget that they had to do stuff. You've got a terrible face for radio. Yeah. Awful.

It's actually weird, a lot of people don't know this, you had to fist fight Carson Daly. Yeah, you had to fight. You had to beat in, beat out, beat off, dude. Oh, you know. When two DJs get in a fight, they have a beat off. You know that. Right. That's great. I'll say this, dude. What?

Kurt Loder. Yeah, Kurt Loder. I know he wasn't a VJ, but it's fun to say. They all kind of fall into that realm. To me, they're all like MTV personalities. Yeah, but you don't get Kurt Loder just so everyone everyone or tab is a soren I don't get either one of you don't get tab at the soren you don't get Kurt loader I get Matt Pinfield though you do you get Chris Connelly? I think was a VJ was he

He was a reporter. He was like a he was like on the scene He was like on the scene. Yep. I was picturing Chris O'Donnell. What about Giddy and Diego? Giddy and Diego was news. He was news. And him and that girl split it. I forget her name.

But like, Kennedy was a VJ, Martha Quinn was old VJ. You wanna go with something crazy? Me and Kurt Loder have the same birthday. That's too crazy. He's younger than I thought then. He's eight years. That's stupid. He's 26. That's stupid. Sorry. No, I liked it. That's too crazy. He's younger than I thought then. He's eight? That's stupid.

No, I like to do it. Who do you guys think Gideon Yego's up to right now? He's probably doing alright. He was hot. He's a TV writer. What's he writing for? He wrote on the newsroom with Aaron Sorkin. And he wrote on Narcos, Quantico. Wow.

He's killing it. The Mosquito Coast, yeah, he's inscripted. I watched all the Narcos. Well, you saw some Gideon Diego handiwork. Now you know something else about me. I mean it all. Now I know two things about you, dude. Only God can touch you and you've seen all our Narcos.

Only God can touch me now. David, it's time for your first and your second pick as it is a serpentine draft. I like old jobs that are gone because they were completely bullshit. Because that's so funny, it was just, you were just lying. So I'm taking a phrenologist. Oh yeah. Oh wow.

It was just making. Are we sure this hasn't made a comeback in the last two years? What is it? It's on the rise. Phrenology's on the rise. Phrenology's on the rise. Phrenology is, well David, it's your pick. I'll let you explain.

It's like understanding people's intelligence or whatever from head mapping, so they would take the shape of your head and shit. With like palipers. And a great Roots album. I was gonna say that's how, when I learned about it, when the Roots album came out. They have, like you could find back in the day, and I bet they've since been reproduced

as like a kitschy thing that you buy for someone who's really into like the music of Amanda Palmer. But like a phrenology head map kind of thing that has like the different zones that like represent different like. So like if you got a bump back here, you're a sniper or something like what, you know. I think a bump back here would be're a good, you're a sniper or something, like what, you know. I think a bump back here would be-

You got a sniper bump. Yeah. You just- Yeah. Let me look, like it would be like, no, you have like, you're prone to mania or something like that. It would be like that kind of thing. And it's like super racist.

Yeah. That would be so wrong to care about yourself. Like you're prone to mania. I'm sorry. And you're like, well, I gotta go out in the world. I thought it was, I thought it was pretty chill. Like, your skull says otherwise, dude. No.

Federation, benevolence, sublimity. These are some turn of the century-ass words. Those are all good album names, though, too. Acquisitiveness. Uh-huh. Eventuality, locality, time, tune, crazy. You sound like a backpack rapper. Time, tune.

It's so funny, too, because it's like, oh you're so close. Like the brain is right on the other side of that. And that's what decides all these things. It's not the hard part on the outside. You almost got it. And it's also funny to just have a career in a thing that's completely made up. That's no comedy. We get paid.

Yeah, so did phrenologists. and that's the end of comedy. No, we get paid. Yeah, so did phrenologists. People always ask about stand-up, I'm like, that ain't paying the bills. I'm measuring skulls on the road. I'm phrenologen. Every city I go, I'm phrenologen after the show. I set up a phrenology booth. Selling calipers after the nice merch.

We should set up a phrenologist table after the show. Slippery slope. I think you're pretty close to the bottom of the phrenology booth. Telling knock knocks next to the phrenologist. Telling people they got a violent head. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're a violent head. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. You're an unreliable husband, bro.

That would be, nobody in line can listen to what I say to this person. Hey, yo. I feel like if someone tried to do a phrenology booth at the gathering of the Juggalos, a bunch of clowns would go and throw them off the premises physically. Be the sneakily progressive Juggalo community.

Yeah, that was pro-Juggalo, I hope. Yeah, I think that came off pro-Juggalo. Whoop whoop, baby, family. Pro-Galo. David, your second pick? Pro-Galo. I, hmm. Pro-Galo, so.

Sounded like you were gonna say hyena. Hyena's not a job anymore. They're both, they're both members of the King's court. We're really cracking into my list here boys. Okay, I got it. I think I can get that one next or later. I'm gonna take Groom of the Stool. What's Groom of the Stool? It's when you wipe your butt really well. You're not far away. Is it a butt wiper? It's when you wipe your butt really well. I don't think you're far off.

You're not far away. Oh, is it a butt wiper? You're not far away. It's the king's butt wiper. No. I bet you that exists, they just don't get paid anymore. It's like you have to do it. Well, now you have to pay to do it.

I think it might be a kink of some kind. The king's butt wiper. Yeah. Groom of the stool. I wonder who the last, I wonder if it's recorded who the last He didn't want that on paper. Okay, somebody white Obama's ass. I bet You you bet reading He was cool I

Think you started a riff that you're Weird about now. Isaac, take that and make it the first thing I say. Before it even welcomes hits. Way before anybody said anything. Have him say that and then 30 minutes of silence and then the podcast. Why is this episode three hours long? Secret track like an old CD. Yeah, but at the beginning.

Oh my god. No, it's funny too. I was thinking about the groom and the stool because now you can only get paid to wipe common people's butts. Yeah. Alright, like a nurse in a hospital or something. Yeah, isn't that crazy? Oh, interesting. Okay.

The office again fell into abeyance with the accession of Queen Victoria. So the Victorian here, the late 1800s, right? Right? Something like that? The late 1800s, I don't know. The Victorian here was, my wife would. Somebody else in the house would know.

Kill me with a fucking harpoon right now if I didn't know that. It was, it was late 1800s. Well, 1830 through the 1901. Though her husband, Prince Prince Albert and their son, Edward Prince of Wales, had, so in the 1900s. That's. No, in the 1800s.

And then when Edward. That's still kind of crazy. 1901 was the last time there was a groom of the stool in the English throne. So Prince Albert's the big in the penis, right? The piercing, it's called the Prince Albert? Yeah. Why is that?

After this guy. But what's the deal? Like why? Pure because? He was pierced and tatted up, man. Sounds like Sean's starting a new podcast. What? So if you really wanna deep dive on that shit

and other shit, bro, smash and like. Bro. When you say Smash and like. Bro. When you say smash and like, what are you picturing people doing? In their computer with a hammer. They can't take any more good information. The last information they took in was that. Me doing a deep dive on why it's called that

when you pierce your schvanz. Hey, schvanz, there you go. Groom of the storm. You're now welcome in Durag Yemeka. Yeah. I can do a guest track? Yeah, man. First lady of the bedchamber, too.

Okay, interesting. Yeah. First lady of the bedchamber. So also these guys just got rid of the poop. Like, because they pooped in boxes. I don't mean to get too political, but if we're talking about last politician who had someone else wipe in their butt for them, there is, like, truly a non-zero chance it was Joe Biden. Absolutely. There's a non-zero chance it's happening right now. It might be, we might be in continuance.

Just because he's into it? Just because he's into it. Also he eats a lot of McDonald's. You might have to get somebody up there with a pressure washer. He wants everything that Biden had. Yeah. He had what I'm gonna have. Sure, it would be an honor to be your group of this tool. And he said, no, JD Vance, I need you to vice president.

Yeah. I need you to vice president. What's that, VJ, MT VJ dance? VJ dance? VJ dance? DJ Vance and VJ dance. VJ dance. And it's? DJ Vance and VJ dance. And it's Charles Dance. You catch him on the right night, he might be VJ dance. I don't think that's true.

Nah, yeah, it's probably not. Nah, he sucks, dude. I just like to stick up for the guy sometimes, you know. You love JD. You're a big JD Vance guy. He's getting a bad rap. I'm just, he's just some guy. You're waiting for the Vance Vance revolution.

Yeah. Ha! Just some guy. You're waiting for the Vance Vance revolution. Yeah. We got to cut all these out because that's too good of a thing. Too good. Yeah. That's what changed that L.A. is under martial law by the time this drops. It's going to be it's going to be fun to find out. Man, I was going to ask you guys about that. Uh, Sean Jordan, time for your second pick.

Court jester? That's, in that capacity, you know, I know that getting into the weeds with some of these other ones too, we'd be like, well, there's the modern day this, but like, there's not like a court jester anymore. I consider you a bit of a modern day court jester. I'm a modern day free thinker, bro.

Okay. That's fair. You're a modern day philosopher. I'm also a latterday free thinker, bro. Okay. Yeah, you're a modern-day philosopher. I'm also a latter-day free thinker. Oh Yeah, I'm afraid No, what you're afraid of the dark. What does that have to do with anything the town of Conway in North Wales appointed Russell? Erwood as the official resident jester. That's good. He's still alive Yeah, he's still going dude. I have an offshoot of that that they don't do anymore that, well, I'm not going to tell you. There's a few court jesters out there.

There's Nigel Roeder in England. There's Till. I was hoping you wouldn't find out about Nigel. I knew that too. All right. All right. How about this? Is he a real court jester? Is he or is this like when a city is like, this dog's the mayor now?

No, I think he does a lot of crowd work. I'll pick you. You're a junkie dog. This is dark. And I'm sorry, but a letter typer to men that have died in wars. So like the women that would type the letters to the families of men who died in the war.

That job. to the families of men who died in the war. That job. I think that probably still exists. Just doesn't happen on a typewriter. On a typewriter, no way. Well, that's what I'm talking about. Gladiators. Typewriter.

Psh. Psh. Psh. Psh. Psh. I was gonna let you have gesture and you're just emptying the clip. Yeah, yeah, I didn't think you would.

That one wasn't gonna happen either, so gladiator. Don't tell me Chuck Liddell is a gladiator. Well, you tell Chuck Liddell he's not a gladiator. I'm not gonna tell him. He's right here, he slept in my food truck. He's a worrier, I'll tell you that. To the death ass gladiator, like Maximus Decimus Meridius.

Okay. I will avenge, I'll meet you in the afterlife, in this life or the next, I will have my vengeance. Maximus Decimus Meridius. Gladiator. People die in the ring still. But they're not gladiating. And people are really bummed out when it happens now.

Yeah, they are sad. No one's throwing roses out there. Alright, gladiator, gladiator it is. Did you see gladiator too? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know. They are sad. No one's throwing roses out there. All right, Gladiator, Gladiator it is. Yeah, holy fuck. Did you see Gladiator 2? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you know. You didn't see it in theaters, did you?

I did. Oh, you did, okay. I was fine one day. So did I. We talked about it. It's a bit much at the end when they're like, so Denzel, the whole time is like this, not old man, but he's certainly not spry,

and then at the end he's fighting who'sry. And then at the end, he's fighting who's supposed to be the next Maximus and they're even. I'm like, I don't know about all that, but it was all right. I like twins, the twin emperors, they were creepy. Yeah, they were good. Denzel was good. Yeah, they were all good.

Your tone towards this movie is like when you meet your female friend's new boyfriend, and you're like, I don't know about this guy, and you're like, oh, it was fun, he was good. It was totally fine. He was knocking him back with me, it was fine. He's cool, you guys serious? You can't talk about politics with him,

but he's like, you can be around. He did bring up phrenology in kind of a contemporary sense. Yeah, it's kind of a VJ dance type. I don't know what company his shirt was, but it wasn't one that I messed with, but yeah. Gladiator, dude. Gladiator. Big Johnson arenas.

When they go down, he's gladiator. I had Big Johnson shirt Taylor on my. That's coming back. Taylor, Taylor's hilarious. Taylor. Taylor still exists. No, Big Johnson just went to church. Oh, Big Johnson, okay, yeah. You turn around at your wedding, Taylor's hilarious Taylor Taylor still exists You turn around at your wedding is to big Johnson logo on the back

Gotta get my big Johnson shirt back from the Taylor before graduation. I now pronounce me man Big Johnson shirt fits amazingly. Was some dude hitting a home run with a big dick? You just got me. I got him due to the Garmin district. If you had to bet, if you had to bet yes or no, like over under on one big, or.5 big Johnson shirts that were ever professionally tailored, you'd take the under, right?

I'd take the over. I think I would take the over too, man. I'd smash the over, dude. I'd smash and like. I like you would like it. They're still making merch I Could see someone now like a like a that's cuz that's like what a like. I don't even know if the word hipsters germane anymore, but that's what like a What's that podcast? That's like the two dudes who talk about outfits throwing fits? Oh, yeah, yeah, like a throwing fits guy would wear a fucking big Johnson t-shirt But maybe have it's like I'd have it taken in because it was a little too

Yeah, I had to crop top Right exactly I did I don't let it out I don't have this big Johnson t-shirt let out a little bit big Johnson football jersey so I can breathe There's a big Johnson and Maureen shirt that just says the few the proud the huge They're getting lazy I mean it's my laugh Lazy can be funny Big Johnson shirts once upon a time.

It used to mean something. That and the co-ed naked shirts. Yes. They used to care. I'm sure all the teachers thought that when I wore it in seventh grade. They're like, I mean, he's thinking. You know, he's trying. A really good teacher would have been like turn a phrase.

Okay. A really good teacher doesn't take the summer off. I mean, we can talk about, are we drafting good teachers? Turns the chair around like, you know who else had a nice turn of phrase award play? William Shakespeare. Who else had liquor in the front? Poker in the rear? Liquor up front dude. I'll be okay. I'm not gonna say any more Big Johnson shirts that I found online on this episode. Don't say something you know you don't mean. But this one says Big Johnson Police Department, she'll be stunned when you whip it out.

Oh. And it's a guy with a taser, don't worry. It should also say, I don't approve of this in any measure, but it should say the thick blue line. I don't think this should exist at all, but if it's going to, it has to say the thick blue line. It was right there. Yeah, she'll write the thick blue line. What are we doing here? Sure, yeah.

She'll write the thick blue line and show her a 5-0 face. Blue veins, blue veins matter? I know! Blue veins matter? Come on! That's a good one. That's a good one. I wonder, I wonder.

Yeah, I guess you could've done thin blue vein too, Sean. That's right. Vein. Not, oh! Here's an idea I am 50% joking about. How much do you think it would take to buy the Big Johnson brand? I think it's not for sale.

These colors don't run. They're huge. They're huge, the colors are huge. But like. These colors don't run. They're huge, is that what you said? Only time Big Johnson moves is when he blows a load. He moves back like 10 yards.

These colors bounce around in your gray sweatpants when you run. These colors exist. Do you think we could get it for 20 grand? No. 50. It's in the seven figures. I'm looking at the website is so big,

they're clearly doing enough. Everything's back. You'd have to come see what it is. 20 grand in so long in the wild. David and I were gonna buy an El Camino for 14 grand. Get off the beat, man. If we could have got Big Johnson for six grand more. We could be the Big Johnsons.

Okay, Big Johnson fishing boats. This one better have a little twist in it. It's easy to reel them in when you've got a Big Johnson. That's okay. You could probably wear that at school though. No. That's what we're going for. No.

People don't know this, but the third COVID vaccine was actually produced by Big Johnson and Big Johnson. So they got into pharmaceuticals. Yeah, you'll feel a little prick and then you'll see a big one. Maybe they'll just give it to you. We're not going to be able to, this is going to be like a too short album where they bleep the swear words. We're not going to be able to say any of these things. Okay, this is the last one. There's a Big Johnson shirt for $2 that says tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes But the funny thing is it's on the dollars it's on the back of the ship On the $2 section of the Big Johnson website

They have a tiny Johnson section of the Big Johnson website She's called the $2 $2 section. They have a tiny Johnson section of the Big Johnson website. Cheap Johnson. It's called the $2 tees. Cheap Johnson. They're not nearly as good. Big savings. Stars and strippers since 1776. I don't know if that's true.

I don't know if there were strippers in 1776. They say sex work is the oldest profession. That's true. This is a picture of Ronald Reagan and it says, do you miss me yet? Now you're in a mall kiosk In a Nancy Reagan themed one that could that would maybe fit the brand a little bit more I'd be a little too funny for them Josh time for your second pick. Oh, good question. All right.

I'm going to take, I'm going in the David Bowrie school of jobs that don't exist because they were bullshit the whole time. I'm going Alchemist. Oh yeah. Yeah. Was the turning base metal to gold? That was like what the base was? Yeah, lead into gold, right?

That was a big one. Now there is the producer, the alchemist yeah there's the rapper it's a shame that's not his job you mean dr. Dre is not an oncologist it would be funny to be an alchemist and to call yourself a producer producer. I produce things. They make people hip and hop. Yeah, Alchemist. Yeah, they tried to turn lead into gold. That was a big one for them.

Anything into gold, really, was the big goal of Alchemy. Do you think if you were an Alchemist, you would be like, man, I can't believe I keep getting funding for this bullshit. Or do you think you'd be constantly stressed, like, no, no, this lead is gold yet. Shit. I think it's the second one, unfortunately. I think it's the second one unfortunately. I think it's the second one unfortunately

How did you how did you test if something was gold back in the day like did did gold not melt? I think I bit it. I just make something hard and Big Johnson alchemist something hard and yellow or whatever Big Johnson phrenology this isn't the only well-shaped hand Both these heads we're doing a job for them. No it sucks. We didn't even buy it Do you I bet I bet Four professional comedy writers here and comedy tellers We could knock out a year of work at the Big Johnson writer's room in like a day and a half.

This is why I was saying, should we buy the brand? Put a bottle of Jameson on the table and just riff. The entire idea is like, do we buy it and then just fucking turn it in? Bring it back to life. It does feel like an offshoot of what I'm already doing in my personal life. Right. It's just finding ways to say I have a big one. Alchemist is an Arabic word, which makes sense. What do you think about like alchemist?

Yeah, yeah. Although I learned that in high school Spanish, right? Those AL, like there's the Spanish words that have the AL are... Alhambra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's rug? Alhambra, I don't know. I know it's the big like fort in Spain, the alhambra.

So. Make it funny. You better make it funny, asshole. Spanish. Spanish. You're not gonna smash it like that. Everyone's leaving, asshole. Spanish. You're not gonna smash it like that. Everyone's leaving, dude. Spanish, big Johnson, once I give you the Barcelona.

What's that get you at the Barcelona? What'd you say? Once I give you the Barcelona? Madrid, Madrid. Medellin. Medellin. Grande. They still speak Spanish. Spanish. Oh, Madrid. Medellin. Medellin. Grande. They still speak Spanish.

Spanish. Oh, a language, I was just going Spain. Oh, I was thinking like Spanish speaking. It's actually Medellin. Medellin. Philip King. What a pedestrian take, David. And it's actually big, Honson.

No! Mi honson! I'll cut you off a piece of this jamón. There you go. Something? Jamón-y? Grande jamón. Grande jamón.

The pick was Alchemist. Yeah, they would make elixirs. It's still a big profession in- Elixir up front, portfolio career. Portland. Well, in Portland and role-playing video games were the two I was gonna say. In Brooklyn the big thing is all the, there's like all these like independent pharmacies that call themselves apothecary.

Oh yeah. I've seen that. Yeah. And there's t-shirt stores here that do that. My wife when I walk past and she's like apothecary. She gets so mad at it. It's great. It is funny. Like you got a business's like, apothecary? She gets so mad at it, it's great. Yeah, stop it.

It is funny, like you got a business loan for an apothecary? Yeah. That, that is like. It's a gold for sooth. Yeah. Yeah, they had to go to a guy with a big room full of gold coins to get it.

And they used to be just fucking lead circles. Yeah. I don't need you, man. The cologne places will like, like, alchemists or apothecaries now, too. Stop it. I don't like going into cologne stores. It's like I lose, I lose all sense of direction.

Yeah. I can smell everything so I can smell nothing. Yeah. I feel like Pepe Le Pew just floating around from cologne to cologne. No control. You gotta bring in your own thing of coffee to sort of return to neutral with, dude. That's how I try to find out if I have COVID. I just floating around from cologne to cologne. No control. You gotta bring in your own thing of coffee to sort of return to neutral with, dude.

That's how I try to find out if I have COVID. I just go into a cologne store if I can't smell anything. I do think about being a cologne guy ever since. Did I tell you when I met that guy who, oh man, this is like a long years. Remember Johnny Depp when you met him in the desert burying his jewelry? I rented a car in South Carolina once

and the car rental guy was talking to me and Brian about He was like that's me and my wife. He was like we don't drink. We don't party. We're just into cents my collection worth $50,000 alone it was Good it was he smelled amazing and then he was like come here come here and he took us to his car and he spritzed some shit And it did smell amazing and then he was like, you know This should be X amount but I can get it to you for like a hundred dollars an ounce Did you get hit me up next time you're in South Carolina? It was just like I left that guy with so many I was like that's you and your wife

It was crazy. Was he working at the car rental place he's also getting a car there okay he was working at the car rental does he know cologne expires I maybe not his shit dude you're not his shit. He's just putting cologne in cars that are getting rented out hoping like Clive Davis to be like oh no I gotta sign this I gotta sign this cologne. Ha ha ha. Your understanding of the scent industry smells like money in here. Might be better than mine. It might be. I actually don't know how it works.

I actually don't know how it works. Scent and just a bunch of celebrity farts, dude. Gross. Gross, bro. Time for my- He sounds amazing. Celebrity farts? I think about him a lot.

I think about him a lot. Time for my second He sounds amazing. Celebrity Vars. It was, I think about him a lot. I think about him a lot. Time for my second and third picks. With my second pick, I'm going to take Longbowman. Nice. Yeah. Now they're big Johnson shirts. Longbow, a Longbow man. Is that like a Robin Hood bow?

Or what's a Longbowman? So... That's like the ones that are the height of the man, right? Yeah, in England. So I may have talked to my wife about this going into this draft, but the longbowman was like a thing that the British had. You're talking about seeing other people.

I'm talking about opening up this hill. You know what I mean? You need doubles. Longbowmen do it on the hill. Longbowmen always hit the bullseye. Longbowmen always pull the string. This is going to bleed out into your other job, Ian. The Brits were like, the French were like very obsessed with chivalry. So they were into knights and like, you know, the cavalry and everything,

because it was like a noble way to do battle. And the Brits, when they figured out the longbowmen, they were like, oh, we can, like the range of the longbow was so much longer than like regular bows or even crossbows. So like, you know, it was like artillery basically. And they created this culture where after church, you would like, not everyone,

but like you would go practice the longbow. You know, and in France, they were like, you pick up a maiden's hanky and return it to her. And in England, they were like, we gotta learn how to fucking fire this bow, dude. And it won the hundred years war for the British, the Battle of Agincourt, where the Brits were wildly outnumbered by the French.

They won. And it basically basically turned England into the dominant power in their region, bro. Yeah. So what'd you talk to Dana about, though? Uh, opening up the manage, opening up the manage. Yeah, that's sick. You can, I wonder how much a long-

Pasta for dinner? The French won the Hundred Years War overall, says Dana. Okay, nevermind. Nevermind. Were there any bows that were like bigger than the people? That they were shooting them? That's pretty buck to think about. Probably depends on the man.

War cello. Like a war upright face, I guess. If somebody said they were bringing the war cello to my front door, I don't know. It was- Longbowman Adderley is here. Laura, get in the room, lock the door. The French lost 6,000 dudes to the British 600. That's crazy.

Yeah. 10 to one. Long Bowman dude. Was the 100 year, no, I'm thinking of a different war. So a lot of wars just named after the number of years that passed. You're thinking of Vietnam? Which one was, which one is still in Saigon about? Was that the 100 Years War of Vietnam?

I think it was Vietnam. Longbowman was my second pick, and with my third pick, I'm taking Marlboro Man. Oh, shit. See, there's where my mind wouldn't go last night. Was that stuff? From the Duke of Marlboro to the Marlboro Man. The only one that ever said Marlboro. Marl Duke of Marlboro to the Marlboro man? I've got jobs that Marlboro Marlboro

Mar Marlboro, I still how do you say it Marlboro? It's supposed to be Marlboro But everybody said Marlboro's like Marlboro Marlboro Marlboro Marlboro if you look at it, it's Marlboro for sure And you listen to like Duke of Marlboro, dude. Go ahead Duke of Marl for sure. And if you listen to like, go ahead. Duke of Morrowboro, dude. Go ahead. Duke of Morrowboro. Dana just whispers, it's Duke of Morrowboro. She's pointing a longbow at you right now. Morrowboro.

Yeah, that's amazing, man. That's so, that is good. That is really good. Was it a dude? It was a guy for a while, right? Like there was a Marlboro man. There was a succession of dudes. There were a few, yeah, but you would become the Marlboro Man.

But it's kinda like how there were a bunch of lassies in a row. Yeah, I was gonna say. All of us similar lifespans too, yeah. Like it'll last a long time in that job. Yeah, like you get, we're paya. You ain't gonna be around too long. They were invented by a previous A.F.E. mention, Leo Burnett, the guy who invented Tone of the Tiger,

also invented the Marlboro Man. Damn, what a career. Yeah, dude. I know what you're talking about. That guy's a legend. Yeah. You hit two of those? Joe Camel's kind of a combination of both, right?

He's almost an animal that like smokes cigarettes and goes, they're great. Yeah, yeah. But also gets laid. Oh, he gets laid. Joe Camel fucked. Camel's sitting around like, man. We want a mascot that won't die in a few years. What should we do? What should we do? He was cool, too. I remember the billboards. He was cool. Oh, dude He was wearing a lot of jazz Johnson big Johnson Joe Campbell

more than two homes with this You remember the kids that showed up school with with like Camel Cash or Marlboro Miles gear? Yeah, that's gnarly. Were they going on a camping trip with their Marlboro tent and you're like, so your stepdad smoked you that? Yeah, this guy's ripping butts. He's just like, Jason needs a tent.

I gotta smoke 100 packs before May. Yeah, a bunch of them died, like five in a row from Marlboro. Five men who appeared in Marlboro related advertisements. Oh yeah, sorry, we were on a fun riff and then I brought that up. But died of smoking. And I like how I had to say, listen, we don't think that's funny. And then they- I was already joking about it with the lousy thing.

Right, we started on it. Yeah, yeah. Full circle. Okay, here I got one. Sunrise, sunset. They're called cowboy killers. You think if Paddington got married and then divorced, he would eat Marlboro Lade? Does that work?

Little bit? That was a long walk I took you on. Oh, cause of Marlboro Lade? Cause of Marlboro Lade. Yeah. I would have just gotten Paddington's favorite brand of cigarettes is Marlboro Lade. There you go, cleaner. That's why you're better. Cleaner, cleaner. No, no, no just gone Paddington's favorite brand of cigarettes as model You had a layer to it that mine didn't have but mine got there a little yeah Josh added that like it's good layer

What am I supposed to do all day? I gotta look at my wife later. Big Johnson, Big Johnson Paddington's getting Marmalade. There we go. The Big Jansen, Big Jansen, Big Johnson Paddington collab dude. That's Big Johnson needs to get in the collab game. That's what they do need. They need to, yeah. I need a Big Johnson Stan Smith.

Or anime or something. That's what they do need. They need to, yeah. I need a Big Johnson Stan Smith. Or anime or something. Stan Smith. Just this Adidas with three dick stripes on them. You know what they say about guys who are size 13s. Big Johnson Stan Smith. If you just hired the laziest writer, you know what they say about guys with big feet. Big dicks.

Big Johnson's. But seriously, that big Johnson-Kith collab does go crazy. This is the stuff we could do if we bought it. Shalomim's bringing Big Johnson at the Met Gala this year. If we bought it, I bet we could get it on Shalomim. I'm saying we could take it then. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to email my agent. I don't, I don we could get it on Shalomim. I'm saying we could take it then. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm emailing my agent. I don't, I don't kith on the lips, I kith on the Johnson.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Give it a kith. We could have been T-shirt moguls in the 90s. Yes. Yeah. Just give it a kith. We're doing it. Get Mike Tyson involved?

We're doing it for Get my cousin involved? Josh, time for your third pick. Third pick... Okay. I'm going Oracle. Oh, fuck! Of Delphi or otherwise. Or otherwise, yeah. Any Oracle.

Any old Oracle will do. But that seemed like a good gig. That seemed...nobody could... what's gonna tell you you're wrong Another Oracle which get the fuck out of my space. It's my block That's it. You know, these are called the Oracle of Delphi. It's not like one of the Oracle's right I didn't meet you at school. I was the school My forest Frenzied women from whose lips the gods speak. Wow. That's a cool job.

Yeah. Yeah. Sounds like my wife. There were multiple oracles. There was the Oracle of Dodona. There was the Oracle of Sardona. No, that wasn't me. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry.

The Oracle of the Duncan Dodonuts. The Duncan Dodonuts. The Duncan Dodonuts. They just tell you what you're wearing. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry.

That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. That's just a lady who sells topaz jewelry. The Oracle of the Duncan de Donuts. Duncan de Donuts. The Duncan de Donuts. They just tell you what your order is going to be before you say it. And then they still get it wrong. You want a Kamo Frap.

I was just going to use the bathroom. Nah. Nah you want. There was also an Oracle of Da Daima. Da Dona Da Daima. let's call the whole thing off. There we go. There were hella Oracles, dude. How close do you think you could be to another Oracle before people started to double the dipping, you know?

To territorial rights? It's gotta be at least... At least three towns over. You gotta be at least three towns over. You gotta be. Far enough that you could lie about having a girlfriend there. Yes. Imagine if another oracle moved in. Your town dude.

She's like, my husband got a job in this town so I'm orcling here. I don't live my life this way but you have to kill that person. Yeah, absolutely. If you're in the oracle game, that's all you got If you're frenzied lips, they're speaking the voice of the gods How I feed my seed Whoa? Boracle you play a Boracle arena you're at like a yard house in downtown Denver and you're like, you slide up on a girl, what's up?

They call me the Boracle. She doesn't know my last name. You got two different colored martinis and you're like, which one do you want? Hold on, I know which one you want. He's Borpheus. I'm Borpheus. I'm Borpheus. I'd give you a hundred dollars to watch you do that to someone.

Two different colored martinis is so funny. A red one and a blue one? Yeah. I'll give you two options. You can drink the blue one right now and go back to your seat. Or you can take the red one and see how deep the rabbit hole goes. And the barge in and goes. David in the bowery, tiny sunglasses.

And then some dude pops up in the back like, Horpheus, don't hurt him! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah, man! Oh no!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh! That fucked me up. Borpheus is a fun thing to say. Me too! That fucked me up.

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, smash your like if you consider yourself a neighborhood Borpheus. Ah! Ah! Ah! God damn it. Oh, God. like if you consider yourself a neighborhood born face. God damn it. Oh, God.

You know what? We're going to take another break. With a $5 meal deal with new McValue, you pick a Mcdouble or a McChicken, then get a small fry, a small drink, and a four-piece McNuggets. That's a lot of McDonald's for not a lot of money. Prices and participation may vary. Mcdoublemeal's six dollars in some markets for a limited time only.

And we're back walking back to our finance, everything's already in progress. I am eating an apple. The worst thing to be eating during a podcast. No, there's like a couple other things. I am drinking a corn chowder with a boba straw. Corn chowder with a boba straw. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Corn chowder with a boba straw. Cream corn, I still like cream corn. I know you do. We know you do. It looks like alien gruel. We all know you like cream corn, dude. It's alright though. It's just a warm bowl of cream corn on a hot day outside.

Warm corn. What do you like for your third pick, warm corn? Go on a hike and, uh, guillotine operator. I think there's a lot of people trying to bring that back. I'm sure there's a bunch of dudes in Portland that have guillotines and operate them, but they ain't getting paid in shillings or whatever they got. I don't know what a guillotine operator got paid in. Yeah, you think that was a good gig? Satisfaction of a jump-hole button.

Yeah, certain kind of gig. Take pride in your work. There are still executioners if you... Well, I looked up, I looked up because I was gonna pick firing squad. You know, somebody got, somebody got firing squatted here like months ago in the US. Yeah, in Utah? Absolutely bonkers to me.

Might've been South Carolina. There's, anyway, at have been South Carolina. Oh, by any way, Emerald Beach. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Spring break. Spring break. Firing squad, by the way, is when six guys with tequila bottles come in.

I was gonna say. Big Johnson firing squad. One of us, only one of us isn't shooting play. You're like, that's weird. And just a bunch of dudes blowing loads. You know, like, I don't know if we can market that. A bunch of dudes blowing loads. Big Johnson after dark. That's weird. And just a bunch of dudes blowing loads, you know, like, I don't know if we can market that. A bunch of dudes blowing loads. Big Johnson after dark.

That's our, that's, come on. There we go. BJED. Big Johnson. It's in neon, this is BJED. Sorry to keep turning everything into a Big Johnson shirt. Yeah, sorry, but I feel like it's going to happen for the next 15 at least. A lot of men over 35 suffer from the JED

It's actually quite common It happens to a lot of guys it doesn't help me last night doesn't I don't care I didn't care then I don't care now Having sex in a big Johnson t-shirt to like psych himself out. It's just me and you, Johnson. Listen to sale by AWOL Nation in a big Johnson t-shirt. Pummeled on his big Johnson t-shirt already. Mom's spaghetti. Got a big tapestry of a wolf howling at two moons.

Mom's spaghetti. Got a big tapestry of a wolf howling at two moons. Did you guys know that the guillotine was humane? It was considered humane development. Is there a way, is it true? Over any, it was like, a lot of times they would just cut someone's head off, but it wouldn't take. The broadsword. The first first time you got a hack at it

They do that in Game of Thrones that one where he's got to do it like four times and hangings wouldn't always take two So it was like the most it was like alright. We're still killing people, but this will hunt your heads coming off You know with a guillotine is there any truth to like if your head gets cut off. You're still Alive for seconds your but your, like you can still see it. I don't know. We don't need that. Sounds right. We don't need a lit, but doesn't it be blood in your brain still a little bit,

right? Yeah. There's some electricity still zapping around. Cause it's all up here. So like the rest of your body has nothing to do with your eyes processing what you see, does it? It's all in your brain and your eyes. Why don't we find out, homeboy? Cause I don't want to, dude.

I got a mouthful of apple, dude. I'm sorry to the listeners. Here's where I tell you, I don't give a fuck, dude. Me and Eminem, we don't care. Well, now you still, still don't give a fuck? No, bro. Still, still. I didn't, yeah.

Two stills. Why they call it window pane, man. I tried to give a fuck Realize realize I'm taking a flatulence It's exactly that it It was in the king's court. Oh, you got paid to fart. Yeah, there was one, what's his name? I found it was really funny. Is that so like the king didn't have to fart

and it was save time? No, it was for notable historical flash lists include Roland the farter, who was given a manor and land by King Henry the second in exchange for his farting abilities. I love that Warren Zvon song, dude. When he was named that, he didn't have a lot of other fields he could have gotten into.

He was actually an archer. Yeah, it's just a funny, people got paid to fart. I bet that was like, actually a pretty like, tough gig. Yeah, because you could shit your pants. Well, if you shit your pants, you got fired, That was like, actually a pretty like, tough gig. Cause you had to always be gassing. Yeah, because you could shit your pants. Well, if you shit your pants, you got fired. Cause that's a shitter. That's a whole different job.

That's union. And that's union. Yeah, you can't, whoa, he took a shit, get him out of here. Being a shitter is union. There's body shittin' over here. Fucking body shittin'. You gotta be fartin' me. That's what it is, man.

A combined age of about 135 on this show. The farters and the shitters. I like it. I'm adding my 26 to that total? Sure. Wait, fuck. Wait, guys, there's modern flatulists. Whoa. Oh, there are still like women who get paid to fart. No.

There's a guy named mr. Methane Right, I guess it's the rock wild is Dude he's a British flat Flatulence right now fuck. Okay. Sorry guys. That's all right. I don't care. Okay, I'll take Knocker Upper. No! Yeah, that was, yeah. You guys both had that on your list? You all had this on your list?

Yeah. A dude who gets other guys' ladies pregnant? No, it's a, no, that's just called a good guy. Help me out. I like how I was about to explain it to you, and like, oh wait, we're joking around for a lot of this. Knocker Upper, before alarm clocks, you would go around town and say, hey, I need to be up at 8 a.m. Will you come knock on my window with a long stick?

I read... It feels like a guy who was just walking around getting yelled at. Like, you're either at the alarm clock, I feel like you would just... They probably threw shit at him. It seemed like a tough gig. Who wakes that guy up? Who knocks up the knocker-upper? Who knocks the knockman? I was thinking about that. I wonder if he lives at the church when those bells go off or something.

Oh. Well, who was ringing those? Yeah, maybe he's just got the most on-point rooster in town. Yeah. You know, there's not much else to say about it. Now I'm eating a turkey stick. You're just gonna eat something of the time of each thing we say?

Yeah. Apple's pretty evergreen on that. They've been around for a while. Yeah, they had apples. It's pretty much since Adam and Eve, I guess. Wow. Yeah, knock her uppers. Yeah.

Next, I'm gonna do town crier Kind of like that now I'd you'd be great It would be in like I don't want to watch the news every day, but you know I go on down to the corner I hear a couple things. Okay. I'm out. That seems like a good it doesn't seem like it seems like it could still work It's a real antidote to that 24-hour news cycle. Yeah All of the bias, you know what I mean? It's just right. It's a real antidote to that 24-hour news cycle. Yeah! Yeah! Although the bias, you know what I mean? It's just Craig. Yeah.

He's a libertarian. Yeah, where'd he hear it, you know? It's about the stories Craig's not reporting. They would yell, oye, oye, oye. All right, great. Like Santana himself. Oye, como va? They would yell, orale? Santana himself. Yeah, yeah, oye como va. Orale, they would yell orale.

Oh, that means word, right? Orale means, I think, listen. Yeah. Orale means let's go. I thought it was like word, essentially. No, orale means listen, I think. Like, orale vato? Yeah, I thought of it like,

it's like the slang term for word in Spanish. Like maybe it evolved a little bit. Am I an asshole, I thought of it like, it's like the slang term for word in Spanish. Maybe it evolved a little bit. Am I an asshole? I thought it really, well if it's eight, Josh goes, yeah, I think you are. No, no, no, no, no. I think it's a different spelling.

Okay. It means like, okay. Common and Verso. Yeah, I always thought about it as like, let's get, let's go. Orale. Orale. That's a Beck album.

Hell yeah. Speaking of Beck. Anyway, whatever, man. Town Crier Beck album. Hell yeah. Speaking of Beck. Anyway, whatever man. Town Crier is funny. Town Crier, excellent Beck. You may be, as the listener noticing, we have a heart out that we're now developing. We also blew the load with that Borpheus situation.

My God. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Actually, it was like two weeks ago. The Johnson podcasters always have a heart out. Let's go. It does feel like this is naturally where it's developing. Come on. Took us nine years, but we got there.

Do you get to be Johnson podcasters? I actually close the dock too. God damn it. There are people young enough that they're listening to this and they're like, what are they talking about? Well, now they have a big Johnson T-shirt on the way in the mail. They didn't know about this.

If there haven't been a newer to its appeal. Sean, your fourth pick. A military battlefield drummer. Nice. Like a little drummer boy. That's a very thick. Seems like a thankless job. What a rough one.

I mean, and there's, I don't know. Cause you were at the front, right? Was there any sort of gentlemanly conduct where they were like, the Vicetta would let the drummer boy get out of the way and then it seems like that's the thing you form, right? Where they all shot, where they got in a line and like, right, isn't that a Vicetta?

I thought it was like an Italian pork product. Yeah, yeah. I'm eating Vicetta during this pic. You might be right. I don't know anything about it. I could be wrong, I could be right. It's a song. I'm losing it.

Anyway, the Drummer Boy. I just, I always wonder, it feels like they let him get out of the way. And then, and then... I don't like they let him get out of the way. And then, and then. I don't think they were aiming at the drummer boy. Yeah. He wasn't posing the greatest threat, certainly. Maybe like the best job in that scenario, you know?

Cause you're like a job. It seems like it would be hard cause you're a boy. Yeah, just a boy. Now if that drummer boy was Gene Krupa. Wait, is he a jazz guy? Is he a jazz guy? Jazz reference. Jazz reference. Josh, time for your fourth pick.

This one did come from my wife, Maris. She proposed it, I thought it was a terrific idea. Staying with music, silent film, piano accompanist. Oh, that's so good. There we go. I bet that was a good gig. I bet it was fun. I bet that still happens every now and then,

but I don't think that guy's getting paid for it I think that's very much a community event For the historical Film Society and just also plays piano. Yeah, I saw John Bryan play piano at the silent movie theater Like that kind of thing. Yeah Excellent pick and just in the interest of time just in the interest of time, I'm going to take Seattle Supersonic. Really sticking a thumb in the eye of Oklahoma City right now. It's a hopeful one because I think it's gonna come back soon, but it is no longer a profession that exists. You're just picking Kevin Durant. Kevin De-o-rant. Which just doesn't exist.

Or is it Katie Nolan Kevin Durpants? K? Katie Nolan classic. And then with my last one, I am going to take Explorer. Yeah, there's not a lot left to do. That's not a job anymore. I was on the verge of Treasure Hunter, and Explorer I feel like encompasses that and more.

Yeah, because people might Treasure Hunt still, maybe hmm but I don't think anyone like I don't think anyone's like yeah I'm paid by the government to explore like I don't know who would pay you to explore nobody other than like the history channel right it's just Dora doing that work now that's it and she's a gratis it's right that's on the house. She has family money. Yeah, she does. She has all the explorers. Her last name is Charlemagne. A lot of people don't know that. Her, the god. They're everywhere, dude.

Josh, your final pick. Final pick, I am going to go barber slash doctor. Ha! Like Sweeney Todd. Like a blood motor. barber slash doctor. Like Sweeney Todd. The barber doctor real quick. Yeah, that used to be one physician. I'll tell you what, if it still was that would save me a lot of time. I want a lot more often than I see the other.

Although do you want to be making haircut decisions? I don't think you need to know your doctor's opinions that much though. That's true, and I don't want my barber to see my penis. Where does your doctor stand on the N.J. LeBron debate? Everyone else in the doctor shop is like, yo! Wait, did you say I don't want my doctor to see my penis? Yeah, I said I don't want my barber to see my penis. Oh, okay. I heard all my barber to see my penis

Yeah, that's probably the worst place I could imagine Barber like no, that's what I'm talking about Yeah, I think they should do movies like medieval Barber shop with Cedric the entertainer called Doctor Shopper. He's also a doctor. That would watch it. That'd be great. That'd see it. Like a Black Knight barber shop sort of mashup? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. God, we're full of ideas today. John, your final pick. A blood letter? Well, it just kinda... Is that what we just kinda did? Touched on it.

How about a bowling pin setter upper? That's good. Yeah. The pin, you know Tight. Hey, I made it out. That was my last pick, right? You did it. Yeah You should see some of the bullshit on here. That tight. Look here in a second. David your final pick? Sam Goody There you go Just like seems like at a time it was maybe literally the coolest job you could have. Yeah. I think they're gonna, I think they're coming back.

I really, I think the CD shops are gonna come back, like video stores are coming back a little bit. I think it's- The vintage CD game, like what vinyl still is, but like definitely used to be like 10 years ago. But it's happening with DVDs and CDs now. Huge, physical media's big. That's funny.

I think the guy who ripped all his blu-rays, sold the hard copies, and has a VHS collection. Whoa! I just went to my mom's house and she had like eight CDs and I was like, what? Do you have a CD player? And she's like, no! Laura's got CDs in the whip. CDs nuts.

In the whip. I see these nuts in the whip This deal will give you VD's My god We got a market to everybody Isaac do you have a pick? Yeah, I'm gonna go because my name is Isaac and my nickname is ice. I'll have to go with the Iceman Yeah, we talked about I know what you're talking about Delivering it to places. I thought you talked about that guy door-to- to door. Yeah. Yes. Hopefully soon with AI advances, it'll be podcast producer.

Wow. Hopefully. Isaac, walk over to his house. Walk over to his house and make him say it to your face. Bring that ice over there. Isaac, do you have a- You're gonna be there in 35 minutes because I can walk over.

No, we'll be at the farmer's market. That's right, yeah. You're right. You want to meet us there. That would be lovely, Sunday. It'd be lovely. It'd be a lovely time. We're good friends. To recap, I went first.

I took switchboard operator, Long Bowman, Marlboro Man, Seattle Supersonic, and Explorer. Josh took bootlegger, alchemist, oracle, silent film, piano accompanist, and barber slash doctor. Sean went third. He took MTV VJ gladiator, guillotine operator, battlefield drummer, and bowling pin setter upper

David went last he took chronologists groom of the stool window knocker town crier and Sam goodie So what did you have on your list? I had outlaw. I had lamp lighter Calvaryman cavalryman that's still got to exist though Speakeasy proprietor Lector the readector, the read all about it guy. What's a Lector? Oh, I saw that one. It's where you, it's where you, they would read books to factory workers like over a loudspeaker.

Oh, even about like. Or the newspaper. Or the newspaper. Like podcasting. What about old school weed dealer? I know there's still weed, but like old school go to the crib weed dealer. People are still living there. Yeah, it's illegal places still. Lot of places. That's what, cause like South Dakota, people still gotta still weed, but like old school, go to the crib weed dealer. People are still doing that. Yeah, it's illegal places still. Lot of places.

That's what, cause like South Dakota, people still gotta do that, but. Yeah, I'm happy. Oh, time card maker, like when you punch your time card, people make those time cards, that would've been all right. There's probably a fuckin' apothecary, apothecary near Josh's house that has one of those that they have to use.

Yeah, they have to use time cards, yeah. Well, we wanna hear yours. Hit us up at allfamacypodcast.gmail.com. Smooth. Shout out to everyone at the A-F-E Patreon, where we have live episodes, the live episodes from New Orleans, bonus episodes, auction drafts, mailbag episodes,

this or that episode, which is a new thing we're doing, which is a lot of fun. It is. And of course Isaac's Tasteful News. Those are still on there. Those are still on there. Those are still on there. Thank you. Yeah, you've been out in the sun, huh?

They are hot. Oh yeah. You have like a beautiful cold glow. The rest of you are butt ugly. Isaac's hot as hell. You're butt ugly lunatic. Shout out to everyone on the AFV subreddit, the AFV Shaslack, and he shout out to super producer Isaac

on the ones and twos. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel, shout out to Frankie Ocean Isaac on the ones and twos, shout out to St. Sue Carmel, shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to Haji B, shout out to Sid the Dude, and more importantly, all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shacklackity.