All Fantasy Everything - Jukebox Songs That Would Piss Off the Entire Bar (w/ David Gborie and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

You gave us so many amazing topic choices and we narrowed it down. You voted! You spoke! This week we're drafting "Jukebox Songs That Would Piss Off The Entire Bar!". If you play one of these, you'll be drinking alone.    Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting jukebox songs that would piss off the entire bar because it's happened to us. It's happened to us. That's all I'll say. I'm your host, Ian Carmel, and joining me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is eating a grapefruit as it records.

Are you going wedge for wedge or are you eating it out the middle? Wedge for wedge. Yeah, that's how I like to do it too. Speaking of baby blue, I like my Red Bull to match my hoodie, so I'm out here. Good for you for drinking a regular-sized Red Bull. Good for you for matching your Red Bull to your hoodie like a teen fentanyl dealer. I never got the silos, by the way. I never got a big Red Bull. I never got one.

That's too much Red Bull. That's an insane amount. Any amount of Red Bull. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Well, there's... No, there's the... This is a... Eight... Wait. Oh, eight. The, there's no, there's the, this is a eight.

Wait. Oh, eight. The other ones are 12. I thought. What? Yes. The 12 ounce, the big dogs. Those are.

Yeah. That's crazy. And that's coming from me to say that's crazy. That means it's crazy. Red Bull should be small. Every energy drink should be small. Sure. Yeah.

You should have to drink more of them if you want more energy. Yeah. Like sometimes rock stars, just the size intimidates me it's insane i used to drink rocks when i worked at the netflix call center i would pound rock star juice and like i used to drink those monster juice the m80s that shit is like candy what now that i'm like more conscious about like what i eat what i put into my body and everything i look back sometimes and not the eating but the eating too of course but like just sometimes i'm like what why did i do that the yeah i didn't have to do that i mean people get hooked on them man i for sure my mom is at the crib right now. She's in town. She was guzzling a Monster walking in to go to bed last night.

She drinks Monsters four or five a day. No joke. You gotta hook her on that LaCroix, dude. Crazy. She won't have it. She won't even bat an eyelash at it. She wouldn't even care.

Monster original, just plain green? Straight green, baby. Damn. Yeah. Now I've got... So so one time i remember my dad i dumped all his liquor out and i crushed up his cigs and put him in the toilet and he sat me down and he goes i'm going to get more so all you're doing is wasting money i'm going to get them so my mom with monster i was like i tried to not get him for and she's like i'm an adult they're

gonna i'm gonna get him so you might as well just have them for me so we can skip this whole argument and i finally was like yep you're right so i just have them at the house now when she comes i don't know how much yeah i don't know i haven't looked into it i don't know how much worse it is for you than coffee but i imagine it's worse for you than coffee because coffee is called coffee and those are called monster energy drinks dude i tell her i'm like so the doctor you are you honest with the doctor about your monsters and uh she says yes but i'm like no they would all her stuff is muscle stuff you know her legs all the problems of muscle things i'm like i know a monster doesn't help your muscles out yeah but you can be honest with a doctor they they're not gonna follow you home you know what i mean they can't make it i never lied to the doctor man oh this is terrible did you see that the new alcohol guidelines like like did you see that

because that no but that was one i never i used to have a whole bit about it but i never lied about that so you remember like the what it used to be the healthy guidelines for drinks per week was for men between like 12 and 15 yeah do you know what it is now six what is it zero that was the bit where i'm like i know it's zero none of it's poison it's zero they're like no amount is healthy not even red wine don't even when we thought that drinking red wine was healthy, that we said that because like the people who usually have a glass of red wine at dinner are also like eating salmon and going on jogs. Yeah, they're doing fine. They're doing other good stuff.

I never bought it. It's one of the few things where I'm like, I don't, I just can't buy it that alcohol is good for you ever. And this comes from somebody who drinks, but I'm'm like there's no way it's good for you it might not be horrible but like it's it's alcohol my thing is if it's zero drinks a week tell us it's five because zero is a thing that nobody's gonna listen to yeah alcohol is like got this as culture. It's just so big. It's got the world by the fucking short hairs. Nobody's going to listen to zero drinks a week.

Make it five drinks a week, and then maybe people will be like, I'll try to keep it to five drinks a week. But zero is just so unhelpful. I know scientists don't operate like that, where they're like, let's just tell them what they'll do. But one of us should be in the room with a scientist're like, let's just tell them what they'll do. But like, somebody should be, one of us should be in the room with a scientist being like, listen, I realize what your study has concluded. Also,

I just see the doctor just pouring over this for years and years, and then he comes out and he's like, I got it. Calls a meeting. He goes, here's the new number. Zero. Turns out you shouldn't drink any of this poison. I finally figured it out nobody should drink poison i'm the doctor that figured that out of course it's bad for you yeah all the

ones are like well yeah man we all we all know that yeah we just also should none of us want to be the butter that's what i'm saying it damages your dna how many buffalo wings are good for me per week like what's the tolerable amount of buffalo wings also bad it's also bad news what yes i mean but no but there's 12 but there is an amount of protein there is an amount of carbohydrate and even like sugar and all that stuff where you're like but like alcohol they're just like you shouldn't you just shouldn't well you know mick jagger has you know didn't go to the dentist for keith richards didn't go to the dentist for 50 years and because of he drank so much alcohol and never had cavities so it is good for you because that's true maybe that was the cocaine or the heroin too and all you dentists that want to hit me up just don't just skip it

you know and just know that i know david crosby just died at 81 and he had a people magazine headline in 1987 called the confessions of a coke addict by david crosby so like i'll buy that you know yeah everybody's different man i don't know everybody's different but i i jordan made it away as in he yeah he partied so he was like 70 it's just yeah it's just it's depressing news when that kind of shit comes out like let me live a little bit come on it is it is it's it's an odd it's just like who do you think you are of course of course it's zero of course yeah but of course it's zero i've been thinking that forever when they look at the list and

they're like oh that's all right no it. No, it's not. Zero. Zero is the answer. Once again, Sean is ahead of the curve on medical science. I get sick of it, man. I get sick of being right. Not the first time won't be the last. No. I get sick of being right, man. Everybody make sure you watch the Ike Geist Loose Change. Check them all out.

Well, yeah. Keep your third eye open. That's what he's saying my date's for. I appreciate it. Keep your fourth eye open. Keep your fifth eye open. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram Sean

discovered a Baja Blast hot sauce oh I didn't discover it it was discovered for me thank you to everybody who sent me the link follow that up with links shame on you everybody who sent him the link give me links where it can be purchased.

And hear this, purchase it for me. And then just bring it to a show sometime. You don't need more than one bottle of that. I do too. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. One to rock, one to stock, baby. I'm going to stock one.

What are you going to put it on? What are you going to put it on? Taco Bell, first of all. Oh, you have to win it. It win it it's a contest oh somebody went for me and sent it to me i'm gonna see if our show can get a bottle of it because we can usually get that stuff can i have it is that why you're saying you're not just gonna dump it out in front of me like a jerk are you we'll see oh my god it's turquoise i know it is it looks gnarly i want it i want it so bad if it tastes like baja blast and it's turquoise. I know it is. It looks gnarly. I want it. I want it so bad. If it tastes like Baja blast and it's hot, come on, what are we doing?

It's going to be like a mango salsa. That's what I'm picturing. A mango salsa with caffeine and spikes. Spikes? You know, jagged edges. Jagged edge, dude. Shout out to jagged edge. Now, if you want to see me talk about this in person,

I'll be at the Orpheum Theater in Sioux Falls, South Dakota with Kyle Kinney and Matt Bronger. Orpheum. The Orpheum. The Orpheum. Come see me and Kyle and Matt. We're going to be there February 21st, and then in Duluth the next day,

and then in Fargo the day after. And then in April, I will be at Fort Collins, the comedy fort,ter weekend whatever that is it'll be dank and buck are you stoked on it yeah i'm stoked on it there you go uh david poor is here jokes 87 on instagram not on twitter but ever but existing in the real world, and you can go see him. Missing out.

January 27th. When does this come out? This is a tomorrow. The 26th. The next day. Oh, okay. So tomorrow, you can catch me at the Newbury in Great Falls, Montana, March 23rd through 26th.

By the way, we're downgrading it to Good Falls if you guys don't come out. Yeah. Bad Falls if the tickets don't go bad. Bad Falls. This is in your hands, Montana. Get on it. February 17th, come see Brittany Carney at High Note Comedy in Denver. March 23rd through 26th, you can catch me at Rooster Teeth Feathers in Sunnyvale, California.

March 31st through April 1st. You can catch me at the Dallas Comedy Club in Dallas, Texas. I'm also headlining the Before You Die Festival in Anchorage, Alaska. Don't have the dates there. And I might have some Austin stuff for you coming soon. Sick. My name is Ian Carmel, at Ian Carmel on Twitter, at Ian Carmel on Instagram, at Ian Carmel on Jewish Grapefruit app. Shout out to all the Jewish grapefruits out there.

It's like a regular grapefruit, but it's like a little slightly darker patch in the shape of the yarmulke on the top. I have no, watch the Late Late Show. You're running out of opportunities to do it. So check that out. Listen to All Fantasy Everything. And come see me in Denver, Colorado, Thursday. That So check that out. Listen to All Fantasy Everything and come see me in Denver, Colorado

Thursday, June 22nd, Friday, June 23rd and Saturday, June 24th. I would love to sell these shows out. That would be really fun for me. I don't want to have to start posting stand-up clips on Instagram and TikTok.

I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that stuff. I understand everyone who does it. I get it. I don't want to do it. If I could not do it. I hate it. And I hate all you for liking it. I know. I'm so stupid when it comes to it. And I hate all you for thinking that that's what stand-up is when you go to shows.

I still can't figure out how to get the words in a cool way. I just know how to get the captions on the bottom, but I'm like want big words and i don't know how to do it i'm so bad at it shane is a guy so i don't and shane's not even that good at it a lot of people got guys i knew he had somebody somebody told me he did it himself i'm like no no no no no no no i knew it the man is a i would say a genius comedian a a man of unparalleled charm and uh one of the sweetest people you'll ever meet but dropping captions on his own instagram videos doesn't have that club in his bag no no he doesn't no he's uh he's driving with a putter. Yeah. And that's me too. I don't know how to do it.

Me too. I don't fucking know shit. I posted a picture of my cat. That's what I'm doing on Instagram. Whoa. He had put a picture of his pussy. My pussy. Go way back to the beginning.

Mine is a picture of a beer with Nick Gones kind of in the background. I'll buy that. That's my very first picture on Instagram where I was like, does this work? That's the kind of stuff I'm putting on Instagram. These are the kind of things you're getting from me in front of a gigantic pile of fake cocaine. Fake? Well, as far as I know.

Didn't smell fake. Nathan McKee, Rashid Wallace shirt. I want to just keep posting that kind of stuff on Instagram, so please buy tickets to come see me in Denver. Also, I'm funny. I'm good at stand-up. We're going to have a great time. Also, my little sister will be there. Shout out to Aliza Carmel, with whom I am

writing a book. More details to trickle out over the next few episodes. Also, can I just say, I'm going to edit this out, but what is up with all these comedians posting stand up clips where they're like bombing it's like not even good clips

it's like no laughter in the it's so cringe to watch everybody's everybody's everybody's being crushed under the immeasurable weight of content and it's ruining the art form you don't have to cut that out we can talk about that it's the algorithm because it's people like

it's rewarding shitty people who algorithm because it's people like it's rewarding it's rewarding shitty people who aren't actually good at it who can just have like salacious headlines it's really sad stand-up really bums me out it's ridiculous right now i love doing it i think it's fun to do stand-up don't get me wrong but it is really something will go viral because people will comment under it 5,000 times this is fucking awful and it will and the algorithm will be like people are commenting and it will like you know and shit so like

and also it's like you shouldn't let machines dictate art isn't that crazy there it is get them get them if you post it's like it rewards you if you post three times a day so if all you have like I couldn't generate three funny stand-up clips a day of new material. You know what I mean?

Nobody can. Nobody can. That's not the pace of it. Yeah. Anyway. And it, like, shits on people who are trying to have a good hour. It sucks. It's trash.

And then all these people show up. And I don't know. I don't want to. I don't want to. Yeah. I don't want to be that old person because it's like, if you don't like it, then don't do it. I'll be that old person. I'm older. If you don't like it, don't do it. So, really, maybe you never see me you don't like it don't do it maybe you never see me again it just it takes a lot of work to like

edit a clip like that i'm like you don't have any better clips it's a it takes a lot of work to get good jokes you know what i mean and you gotta do them over and over again so this crowd work shit it's also like don't go to a show thinking that nobody wants to do crowd work the whole show. There's a few people. There's like 10 people who are good at it. Everybody else. We wrote these jokes because that's what we want to do. It is very refined and specific skill set that very few people are good at.

You know what I mean? Like nobody. Yeah. This is so pretentious i don't really even like yeah it's all good sam tallon is the best one for my money but everything else is like yeah you don't and it's like all these clips you have to extract you have to understand that people are up there for an hour that's not the pace of what an hour is like it's just not whatever man i yeah i feel so it's it's so pretentious if people don't do stand-up though you know what i mean there's it's like

and it's stand-up i get it it's just talking it's just talking i understand i hate i hate it and i also understand the people who do it where they're like oh the end like the industry is not into me so let me try like use whatever tools i have at my disposal i like i understand the impetus i just don't like it that's why i'm happy that we get to do this and uh everybody who enjoys and listens to the show also enjoys and comes and supports the stand-up shows and i'm thrilled about it because then i can wear my baby blue hoodie and do my fun little hour on getting a vasectomy and i don't have to worry about it and i'm gonna get to me i did yeah man i left my cape at the other house sorry you gotta open up more on this podcast tell us i did not know opening up you should

have seen that doctor just open it right up you know what i mean no thank you listen to all fantasy everything. We are getting here today to draft to not talk about Instagram clips and TikTok clips, but to Fantasy Draft a Patreon selected topic for us.

One that we thought was really fun. Thank you to everyone who voted. Thank you to everyone who suggested topics. Even some of the ones that we didn't get picked we are i think going to do in the future yeah there were a couple on there that were perfect for certain people yeah we're going to slide into specific guests this one just the three of us and we are going to fantasy draft songs let me get this 100 right jukebox songs that would piss off the entire bar well that yeah that the the suggestion was songs that would piss off the bar so i assumed this is what it was an easier way to easier way to say it

back when we used to frequent the roost that's what popped into my mind for this is that kind of what you guys were thinking too yes yeah what would be a, I swear. The roost. Seriously. That's, that's exactly what I thought of. There was a jukebox there and it was one of those ones where you could get any song. It was one of those like hooked up to the touch to. Yeah.

And I remember we were, we went there one night and we were drinking. No. And, and some group of what I imagine was a UCB level two graduating class was sitting there playing. I don't want to get into details. Is it going to get picked yet? It just made me so mad.

I was like, we're out. Everyone here is an adult. And you're doing this. We're all trying to enjoy ourselves. We're all here in this common space together. Maybe I don't like country, but if you play a country song, I can't have a problem with that.

Plenty of good ones. But there are certain things you don't fucking do, and we're going to get into that on this very episode of All Fantasy Everything. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the two of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go.

Rock paper scissors shoot! Wow! Two scissors! Rock paper scissors shoot! Oh! Scissors from Sean Jordan against David's paper. Sean, you are the winner of rock, paper, scissors, which means it is incumbent upon you

to determine the order of this draft. But before you do that, I will remind you. Oh, 17 and a half. Yeah. That's a good question. Kind of like when you're going to scratch your lottery ticket, and you're just going to scratch off the first, kind of scratch off the top row,

and then you go down a little bit, and then scratch over from the right to the left, and then you go down a little bit, scratch over left to right, then you go down a little bit, scratch over to the left, down a little bit, left to right, and then you win a dollar. Oh, there you go. Get your dollar back. Most of the time, you're going to get your dollar back. Most of the time.

Shout out to you. That's like got to be. I would say that's not the case. How many of those have you done now? Yeah. I buy them for Christmas presents all the time. No, not scratchers. Yeah.

My mom's here for Christmas this week, so I bought her and my sister like 20 scratchers each, and then I bought myself one just for fun. And I won $10 on a $2 scratchy. Oh, I love that. Yeah. So the state's going to get $12 of my dollars. I meant writing the serpentine explanation, but that too is good. Oh. You've got to be pushing $300 now 300 now yeah it's a lot yeah you know i it's yeah it used to be it used to be something i would think about and now i try to think about it a day before because sometimes

i don't this is episode 320 which means i think you've been on i don't think you've missed more than 20 episodes when did you guys join 17 or so you're probably about 300 of these okay never mind then fuck you i want to say 21 was the first one we did maybe i'm wrong but yeah anyway fuck off dude shut up never mind it's not impressive anymore darn it i'm sorry i'm sorry oh i'm so sorry basically what it means is you pick third in the first right you pick first in the second now Sian with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be I'll go first and David second yes and third yeah thank you there you go

yeah you're welcome did you like the corners order restored it's been a while it's been a minute like four in a row Aaron somebody thought that was just gonna be 2023 and I'm like no the hot corner will return it's fine the woman, who from our Patreon Slack Secret Santa sent me a mug that says hot corner on it, thought she cursed me. Oh.

The curse is over. No, yeah. I can see that. The curse is over. By the way, for my Christmas gift, I got three rocks glasses. One of them has Mortal Kombat 1 logo on it. One of them has Mortal Kombat 2 logo on it one of them has mortal combat two one of them is mortal combat three they're so sick be funny if the third was

just like battle toad i got two books and they're fucking dope what books kama su train the art of war the only two books you need yeah the 50 48 laws of power this just in from super producer marissa the first episode of the two of you was number eight the mall november 3rd that was the eighth episode eight 2016 you were really early on right man i just i remember because i would be sitting man this i'm so happy that we do this i'd be sitting in the room in my room and you just came in and you'd knock you'd be like hey you want to somebody bailed or whatever you want to come do this and i was like yes desperately i'm just sitting here not doing it i don't think i was because somebody bailed i think it was like well a few times it was you're like whatever but

i just like i always just wanted to go and i remember a few times you'd you would you do it and i would just go to hang out because i'm like this is fun i just want to go chill and do something by the way every time you are on here it's because somebody bails yeah all the tomkins has bailed on us about 300 times in a row here i don't know what's going on he keeps saying oh sorry i'll be there and it's just like oh yeah he wanted to do it didn't he did yeah and i think we didn't follow up uh sean i think i got it i think i got a good one well we're to find out right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer.

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business. No one's going to be in your kitchen stirring your Kool-Aid. It just comes in a nice little box. And it comes with a microdosing regime that keeps you on track. So you start small. I think that's the key to this. You start small and just let it ride. I know so many people do it. So, so, so many people do it. I don't think you're going to be disappointed. I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy yeah we're back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it this is the only podcast except for my mama told me uh which is which is another podcast but those are

the only two anything else you heard fresh seems like yeah well fresh air but that's us fresh air was us david you're there every time yeah it's us pretending to be terry gross pretending to be tom hanks pretending to be dr sanjay gupta you know what i mean like whatever yeah yes about the best sounding word oh yeah gupta's fun to say you can say it you can exclaim it in any situation sanjay gupta gupta yeah gupta gupta gupta gupta gupta gupta gupta sean jordan yeah come for your uh first pick the first pick of the draft songs to piss off the bar that you play them on a jukebox i really don't think anybody likes this song and i don't think there's a bar even in like sioux falls where

i don't think anybody's stoked but it's butterfly by crazy town remember that song no people like that song this is this is a bad pick, and I love you. I don't think anybody likes that song. I really think, and I'm picturing the roost, I really think it would be terrible. Nobody would like it. No, because now it's kitschy. Now it's like, come my lady, come my lady.

That song? Yeah, nobody likes it. I don't think it made that jump. I really don't. I think it did. I was never a fan. I think the people would be stoked. You don't know anybody who likes it. I don't think it made that jump. I really don't. I think it did. I was never a fan. No. I think that people would be stoked.

You don't know anybody who likes it. Because I'm the one that would like it out of anyone you know. Yeah, I mean, that's true. And I don't like it. I'm serious. And I know there's like depressing songs or whatever, but I think this song, I don't think it made the jump. I think it's an eye roller. And I don't think anyone's leaving.

But I think everybody is bum jump. I think it's an eye roller. And I don't think, I don't think anyone's leaving, but I think everybody is bummed and nobody likes it. Several. Here's the, okay. But like, let's talk about the phenomenon of jukeboxes and bars is like, it's one of those rare situations in life anymore. Cause like people rarely listen to the radio.

It's a lot of like thrown on Spotify thrown on, you know, title or whatever. And you throw it on a playlist or you listen to a specific artist there's very rare situations where you don't control what music is coming on it's out of your hands and every song is kind of a surprise unless you're pumping the jukebox i thought about this and i kind of think nobody liked it in the first place i think i'll get a kick out of hearing it though because it was like people love that people do love that song not if this were on the

radio you would not listen to it no but like in a bar where you can all sort of have this collective experience like where everybody kind of hates it together in a fun way or where you're like i'm i'm with you sean i don't like it it's not so the thing i've never i think people do like it but i don't like it i'm trying to even in like soup balls like i i'm trying like i never minded necessarily i'm talking about like a hit like if if the roost was full it was like a friday night there's two birthday parties there's a bunch of stand-up comedians whatever's happening and then like people are like oh like that these comedians that are honest no it's so what would happen is they would all look around and then somebody would make like the most whatever somebody would make a face like this

is whack and then everybody would hop on that bandwagon they'd all be like this song sucks i don't know or somebody would start singing the chorus and then i don't think it would go either way i don't think it's got it like that i don't think it would go either way i don't think it's got it like that i don't think it's ironic enough i just don't perfectly ironic enough we're gonna talk about songs where i maybe maybe i think the way but i just don't think i think everybody's upset i really do i think we might have to put this one into practice we'll put them all in practice shane and i played we we were at uh bonfire one time when we i won't say but we played i think five songs by the same person and one guy i was just telling the world

this little bow wow i know shane brennan loves oh three no this is uh shane torres ah so you can probably go that road but we we watched one of the songs play and then the second one and the guy looks up threw his hands up and looked and shane and i were laughing in the corner so he knew it was us third song played and he got up and he's like fuck this and he stormed out wow if we would have said the right thing we would have fought he would have fought us but we didn't i think shane was just like it's a it's a joke buddy yeah it was tight i just don't think crazy town i don't think anyone's going there you know but for better or worse that's my first pick it was my first pick immediately i think there's so much nostalgia for it i don't

like it makes me feel dirty so it's like a tweaker song before i knew what tweakers were it's such a and i'm sorry to anybody currently tweaking but it's not rap metal it's like a soft because you got me super tweakery i whole aesthetic is super tweakery i remember the video tweakers yeah i remember the video looking like a bunch of tweakers you got me sprung what your tongue ring to be by your side there's nothing that i won't try but it's just it's like not aggressive enough it's too soft it's cupcakey it's just not it's not a good somebody would like it at the bar if it was instrumental maybe but with the lyrics people do not like it i have to stand by it i don't know i disagree but go but it's your pick it's not my i know it is and it's been picked

crazy town butterfly first pick off the board david bory time for your first pick oh i'm taking barbie girl oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic. You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere. Imagination, life is your creation. Come on Barbie, let's go party. It's like always a good idea, I get it, but then everybody starts singing it. And that song's like relentless, it never slows down. But if everyone's singing it, why would it upset the whole bar? See, that's my thing. If everyone's singing it, that sounds like relentless it never slows down but if everyone's singing it

why would it upset the whole bar see that's my thing if everyone's singing it then they like it though they kind of they like it in a way i feel like whenever i hear in a bar it's like two people singing it i hate yeah it's like it's like the girl who put it on and her friend who they get drunk and sing it all the time this is one of the songs that fucking pissed me off at the roost that night where i was like i'm gonna go fucking fight these people it because you think it's funny it's a parties it can be at a party and if you know everybody but like i i would be and the thing is to remember too with these songs they're so loud so you have to remember this isn't a mellowly played song this is such a loud song where you can barely talk it's like the conversation

piece it's and it's such an aggressive annoying song no i'm i'm completely with you it's definitely on the list yeah it's annoying it's been played out several different times over it's played out a week after it came out you know what i mean it's it's that kind of song like gosh that song sucks already i don't like people thinking they're being funny with a jukebox. I don't like it. There's a line. And it's a tough line. I think Crazy Town is on the right side of that line.

Well, me and I'm the one with the baby blue hoodie on. Go figure. You would think that I would be the one that would be caping for Crazy Town. And I think that Aqua is on the wrong side of that line. It's like, fucking stop it. Stop it. Yeah. It's always like chill yeah show each other fucking like rick and morty memes on your phones you know what i mean like

if that's if that's the kind of night you want to have just take turns showing each other rick and morty you know what's funny is i haven't had the rest of us out of it i haven't had a jukebox like i haven't had a roost night in years and years and years because they don't really happen in portland a lot i mean not like you know what i mean like not specifically the roost but that kind of a night yeah where it's like that because the jukebox did have a lot of power at the roost i don't really go to a lot of places in portland where the jukebox can make or break your experience you know oh yeah i know what you mean yeah the roost like you remember those nights we'd be sitting there and then the right you'd be like god darn it we're talking this is fun and then you see the right six people come in and there's no music playing and then they go play barbie girl as loud as it would

go or something and you're just like oh my god you guys you're killing me but also it's also a great way like if somebody comes in and they're fucking killing it just to be like sure you know what i mean if you see the person who loaded that jukebox up there's also like a little i always took great pride in what i put on there you know what i mean i would be like oh my song my song's just started and i would be so stoked yeah well because also gosh the whole art of the jukebox with the play next i i don't know it's one of the better feelings If I'm being spiteful or whatever If I'm in a mood I'm just like play next

Yeah when I'm like I have 20 bucks I do not care about it I'm gonna play this next And I don't care what you put You can almost tell who you bummed out By hitting play next If you gotta be funny on the jukebox Be a little more original than fucking

Sure there's ways to do it Yeah it just doesn't It just doesn't do it for me. No, no. Excellent pick. Yep. Terrible song. I'm going to pick something now. This happened another time at the Roost.

It was not that same night. It was another time. I feel like it may have happened a couple times so there may have been a dude doing this this is a representative pick as much as it is a pick itself because i never fully identified the song that was being played i just remember it was by pink floyd i'd never heard it before and it was so so long so long so i'm crafting echoes by pink floyd which is 23 minutes long and i wouldn't be surprised if that's what it was yeah i mean some of those songs where you're like, I'm not, it's not 1972,

and I'm not on strong acid, and Pink Floyd isn't here. And we're not in your fucking bedroom. You know what I mean? Like, stop it. We're not making out. It's like this weird thing where it's like, I feel like the jukebox is like,

it's almost more for singing music than it is for listening to music if that makes sense it's weird when you watch someone vibing where they're just like feeling it you're like you don't even know the words what are you doing you gotta know what is happening in that bar at that moment and if you're like i mean listen if it's 3 p.m on a wednesday and you just got fucking fired or what and you want to sit in there and drown your sorrows by all means and there's like three people in the bar by all means put on a 23 minute pink floyd song absolutely this war vet used to come to the bar i worked at at six and he'd play vietnam songs for two

hours straight until the kids showed up and then he stopped and he left he knew it's his prerogative that's great if it's fucking thursday friday saturday night and you're doing that shit 11 30 who the fuck do you think you are at 11 30 at eight what are you like if the sun goes down no song should be longer than six minutes you know what we had at the bar worked out we had we we had a skipper so we could like oh you could veto we could like yeah we had carte blanche over what action so if we and it happened more often than well more often than i'd like it to where somebody would play a song and i'd be like nope if i was in a mood i would skip until i liked until i liked whatever were you skipping songs

that people were paying for yes all the time all the time and nobody would say anything because you're the bartender and it's like say something and the drinks take a little while longer maybe you gotta have a code you gotta have a code i did sometimes sometimes you gotta have a code you live by if you have that much power yeah this dude you know one time i had to do it the other way this dude uh there was a uh uh what a wake i guess at our bar yeah or whatever like an after service type thing and this dude was oh gosh he was he was super into something mellow. Well, whatever, Radiohead, we'll say. And they just played one Radiohead song, like, no joke. Oh no, it was Tom Petty.

It was Tom Petty and it was Free Fallin'. They played it like 40 times. Whoa. And I was like, I just let them all play. Everybody was furious that wasn't with it, but I'm like, it's playing. So anytime a different song came up, I'd skip it. Really? Mm-hmm.

Just for the wake? Just for the wake? Just for the wake. Because this guy really liked Tom Petty? Yep. And that was the bar that he came to all the time. The guy who died? No, it was just one of his homies. Yeah, James never let me play this now that he's dead. Play it 40 times.

Yeah, Pink Floyd. Just know your audience. Yeah, dude. And that's never your audience, by the way. you're never right if that's a song you pick yeah i don't want a 23 minute pink floyd song or a 10 minute or a 15 minute what it like come on give me four minutes maybe come on give me the good four minutes of of the wall i'm going to take i mean there's some pink floyd songs you could definitely play sure there are like my next pick is going to be it's all about the penniums by weird al yankovic whoa i never even thought about weird al at a bar I don't like that.

I don't like that at all. Just for nostalgia reasons, I would hear Amish Paradise and be kind of like, all right. But I don't want to hear, other than that, I don't want to hear any, any Weird Al Yankovic. All About the Pentiums is too close to a song I really do want to hear. It's All About the Benjamins. I know. It's a Weird Al version of All About the Benjamins. I do want to hear All About the Benjamins.

That's what I'm saying. Which I do want to hear. Desperately. The beat isn't even as good because he's doing it with a live band so you don't get that you know wait what don't you get you know what i'm talking about i love it and i this is another thing i've experienced people playing weird al on a jukebox in a bar you're playing worse versions of a bad song yeah or we're all about good songs like yeah like i i just don't ever want to hear weird al yankovic in a bar that's a bold move playing

weird i don't i don't know that i've ever experienced that awful a song about pennium chips and hacking and like all that shit done to like the all about the come on it's got weirdo going like pretending to be a rapper it's like it's all it's just awful and shout out to weird al he's a very cool he knows exactly what's going on a legend you know what i mean like i when i was like 11 12 13 loved weird al yankovic and i'm not saying you're wrong if you still like him as an adult that's fantastic just maybe don't put him on in a place where people are like getting shit faced and trying to get laid absolutely what are you doing bro all about the penniums is the opposite of getting laid it's the opposite it is the opposite of sex opposite. It's the opposite. It is the opposite of sex.

The polar opposite. Yeah. It's the exact opposite. You're sleeping. Yeah. It's not even sleeping because that also happens in a bed. It's something,

it's like waiting in line to the DMV. I just, yeah, that's a way, like, I don't know if those dudes were playing Weird Al Yankovic songs, but I wouldn't be surprised.

Just gauged by my anger that night at the roost i wasn't there uh i'm bummed about that forever fucking lame uh david borre time for your second pick okay so here's what happens with this song is that i want to say first everybody man they put this song on and then they quickly not realize they don't know the words because nobody knows all the words this fucking song so that it's funny for like 45 seconds and then you just gotta listen to the rest of it i'm taking ice ice baby oh yeah every time it's always somebody who's like this is gonna be hilarious and then nobody knows the fucking words and there's a lot more of it and then there's a lot of that and that's just a shitty song so cold so cold you're right about a one-fourth of the way through and then yeah

you're just bummed out because you're like well i want it to be the lyrics i know but nobody ever bothered to learn those other lyrics no because it's not a good song it's just like it's always like somebody's like this will be funny and then it's just it's so much longer it's a full song that everybody forgets it's also exhausted its nostalgia value you know what i mean like it it we wore that shit out it never fully went away enough it never went it's worn out it never went away for long enough for someone to be like oh oh shit oh shit. Or like even bad. Again, this is my crazy town thing. But like, even if you don't agree on crazy town, there are other songs that you were

bad or you didn't like at the time where if you haven't heard it in 20 years, you will at least be like, oh shit, this song, you know, like there is a value to that. And vanilla, this song either never had it or has completely lost it yeah i just can't being funny i just can't do it man it's just something about people being funny on the jukebox that bothers me i don't know but sometimes i feel like it does work so it's like this is all guys we're clearly we're being you guys maybe love some of these songs we're just being rich bags this is just for us you know what i mean we're just being curmudgeonly for my money yeah i don't like yeah

i don't want to hear trust me these are coming from deep spots i mean some of these come from like uh like i worked at the bar and i heard this song a million times. And I just, for me personally, I just can't stand some of these. So yeah, no, I get it. And some are just like,

I've never even heard at the bar, but who would be crazy enough to do this? I guarantee you would bum out the whole bar. Well, let's hear a couple of those songs from you right now. Next song is, and I don't know if you, I've never heard this played at a bar.

I can't imagine anybody would do it, but if I did, I would be bummed. This is not a good song, and it's just not. So it's Earth Song by Michael Jackson. Do you know that song? No. It's real soft.

It goes, It's all about how we're killing the planet, and it's such a bummer. And it's not, it's like, he's like, and then I try so hard to cry. Is that like mid-90s Mike Jackson? Yes. He got really off the rails.

It's one that never got popular. It never got popular. My cousin Matt, who who i look back yes he's a good singer but i wasn't going to admit that when i was like 13 i'm like dude you're a dork stop singing and he would always sing this song and i was like this song blows dude and like if i think about if i were at the roost and i was gonna be ridiculous i would play this to upset everybody so that maybe this is one that i would like i would do this because you're also pissing off the people who are like have drawn a

line in the sand about michael jackson well you're not even doing it but you're not even doing it with a banger you know what i mean like you're not doing it with billy jean or anything you're doing it with like earth song and everybody'd be like is this this is michael jackson and then they'd be bummed because they didn't know it they'd be like this is soft it's if you don't know the song listen to it it's whack it's so whack and it's so depressing just the whole thing would bum me out if i heard it at the bar i do kind of feel like there has been like as a society we're like we've all agreed that we're gonna listen to michael jackson again sure oh dude yeah right but back home they never stopped listening to there were there were

plenty of places we're in america that shit's so international yeah yeah you a lot of people just were like yeah but even in like even you have to be like in a i hate this word but a particularly particularly woke echelon sure to not have michael jackson playing well then there's the whole thing you're like well he made this he was eight so of course i can listen to this you know right there's you know he wasn't doing anything wrong so there's that argument but earth song does not fall under that umbrella my friends and my uh my third pick there's some some songs i never liked i never understood why anybody liked him i never got the appeal a lot of songs even crazy town if you're yeah like a tweet if you're some tweaker in in milford iowa i get it you like this song but you don't have to be a tweaker

you want to be if you want to be you can like it if you're not sorry if you like it you're not a tweaker but this song life after love by share what i hate i cannot stand it okay i think i don't think anybody likes it enough to wear it. I love that song. It's terrible. And it would be begrudgingly tolerated by the bar. It's too loud.

It's not. Cher's got some bangers. I cannot stand this song. Do you believe in life after love by Cher? I might get some messages about it. Maybe good or bad. Hey, no. You do not like stuff like that. this song do you believe in life after love by share i might get some messages about it maybe good or bad hey no you could you could not like stuff like that i do not like it and i do not think it would go well and i do not think you can not like stuff like you cannot like stuff but all

but we're drafting things that would piss off the bar i think it would what bar not again if this is happening at the fictional roost You're not pissing people off I think I am I don't think they're loving it there You don't think so? Those dudes at Chicken Wing Night? No They're not digging it That's not the typical

I wish you guys could have seen Ian's face right there The ladies love Cher A lot of gay dudes love Cher I love Cher There's a lot of gay dudes love Cher I love Cher there's a lot of groups that would be like delighted to hear Cher Ian just gave me the look like if a dentist was like no I'm a doctor

the look you'd be like sure that's that's what you just did if we're using the chicken wing dudes as like a rubric like I mean like I don't even think we know the songs that they would like to hear. Also, those guys weren't in the wrong, by the way. No, they were right.

Those were pretty reasonable dudes. I don't know why they're. I hate to be the one. I don't know why they're the ones getting the. I'm not saying they were in the wrong. They were just guys trying to have some chicken wings. Yeah, they were just like some dudes, man. Yeah.

Projecting. They ran afoul of us. we didn't run afoul of them yeah i just don't i just don't i'm thinking bars i'm not thinking like like sport i'm thinking like the roost but it kind of everywhere i just for me yeah i knew it was going to be specific and maybe ill-received but i'm i'm feeling pretty confident today and so i think you always should feel pretty confident you're a wonderful man i hate this pick i don't have to like it and you don't hit me hit me with number three wait are we on three did i do it yeah you just did your third yeah well yeah i mean if we want to count that if you want to stick by it i'll be fine i'll get i'll get depressing

on the next two it's a fucking breakup anthem dude life after love share sunny had just died i don't come on i hate i hate it i do not like that song i I can't stand it. She rules. David. Oh, I'm picking this song. This is another one of those songs where the nostalgia doesn't outweigh how bad of a song that it is. So then you just end up listening to this real terrible song. It's that Friday song. Oh, Rebecca Black. Rebecca Black. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's Friday, Friday. gotta get down on friday everybody's looking forward to the weekend we're like it's funny at first you put it on ha this little girl bought a hit but then three minutes later you're like okay yeah she ended up making decent mute am i crazy didn't she end up making like some decent music or did never i don't i don't believe she did you don't believe she did what did she i because i was just somebody just made a some football player or something just made who somebody just made like a rap song and it was so bad and she posted it and she was like at least

i was 13 when i made friday or something like that i looked at her instagram and she's a grown-up and i don't know maybe maybe i'm just insane but i thought she looked successful she might be successful i think she has a good sense of humor about it that was probably really tough for her yeah oh god when the internet loved her you know what i mean like it was so bad that they loved and there's like a certain group of people who would be probably pretty thrilled to hear friday at a bar they would circle up they would sing it into each other's faces they would be like drunk you know what i mean like drunk girls and they're probably now in their mid to late 20s who were like also 13 when it came out that doesn't mean the whole bar would be stoked to hear it listen you can't miss everybody you know no well i i mean yeah not every there might even be someone who's like oh

great a 23 minute pink floyd song it's hard to like blanketly upset everybody i mean that's almost impossible because even the bartender might be like cool sonically it suck it's like yes it's like that's what i mean it's just like very bad grading yeah grading it's too long it's just what happened like her parents like bought her record like right they just kind of bought everything and yeah she was like a rich girl who's like wanted to be a pop singer and her like her parents got you know hooked her up with like a producer for hire yeah and then the whole internet got mad at her like she wasn't she released it and then somehow somebody found it i there's probably like an oral history of it somewhere out there but

like yeah yeah she released it shared it with her friends it was so bad that some shit poster found it and like put it up there and like and then it blew up she's in a good mood the whole time i was i was like yeah oh yeah party party party did she just say party a bunch right party party yeah yeah sure yeah i'll party sure friday party party party time for my third pick. Oh man, that's tight. With my third pick, I'm going to take Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5. Oh God, that song is fucked. i'll know you kiss me till you're drunk and i'll show you all the moves like jagger i've got the

moves like jagger i've got the moves like jagger so fucking bad who was ever whoever was like dude the new maroon 5 came out i know there's people but oh there's people yeah it's shocking to me there's a lot of people it's just crazy where somebody could name you like the deep cuts off a maroon 5 album i just there's there's probably bars where you put that on and people are stoked it probably plays on its own at buffalo wild wings like all the time i just like i'll take you there thirsty duck in sioux falls south dakota you could put on that's what it's like jagger all day take you down to the thirsty right down there on Marion Road yeah so

annoying and so overproduced there's like that whistling in it fuck that it references Mick Jagger and I would rather sing any song or hear any song he's ever made than this one any

song the worst Rolling Stones or even Mick Jagger solo song I would rather hear than this shit and Adam Levine is Jewish this is this is me saying that I hate it so much and also levine is jewish this is this is me saying that i hate it so much and also what also makes it extra bad is it also remains inescapable you'll still hear

in the background of like a fucking kia commercial it's still everywhere you will it'll it'll be playing at the restaurant when they go to dinner in a rom-com or something it'll be at the fucking you'll you'll hear it at the fucking dentist office waiting room go here's the grocery store fucking hate it why yeah it's on the bathroom at the movie theater yeah yeah there's not there's not a lot that i i mean i try to be so honest with myself about this stuff but i've never liked an adam levine song that's okay dude why you sound so like upset with yourself i don't want to i don't want to speak out a line and be like oh yeah there was that one song but i i can't i really can't think of one it's like um oh i just got i just got another pick taking hits that's the one but it's like not really though you know like that i just i just thought of another five songs i like i just

thought of another polarizing one that i'm like yeah this is all right but it was never enough for me to be like oh yeah i like that one song but that's it it didn't quite even get me there no i all right all right well moves like jagger was my third pick and i'm gonna get to my fourth pick right after we take another short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by Babbel if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot

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Hey, and we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything already in progress. We're having a lot of fun so far. Don't you think? Wouldn't you agree? Yeah, man, I'm having a good time yeah great i drink a red bull i'm all jacked up i'll probably have another red bull today one of the dark blue ones i had two cups of coffee earlier that's the same thing right i think coffee doesn't have doesn't coffee have or am i is it the other way coffee has much less than a Red Bull.

Caffeine? I don't know. Yeah. I think it depends on the coffee. Are you doing a lot of caffeine? Wouldn't you agree? I have no idea. I don't know how to measure the amount of caffeine in a coffee. I just said two cups of black coffee, light roast, which is more caffeinated than a dark

roast. Did you guys know that? I've heard that. Yeah. No. I don't know why I've heard it, but I've heard it. I didn't know that. Yeah.

Well, shoot. Shoot, go darn it. I didn't know that. Yeah. Well, shoot. Shoot, go darn it. That's fun to know. Put that down on your list of interesting things to bring up and then not have any follow-up conversation about. Put that in your pot and brew it. There you go. Oh, it's a hot drink that'll get you there.

Time for my fourth pick, as it is a serpentine draft. I'm going to take Needle in the Hay by Elliot Smith. I don't even know how that goes. Needle in the hay. Needle in the hay. Needle in the hay. Needle in the hay. Needle in the hay.

It's an Elliot Smith acoustic guitar song. That sounds great. It's depressing. It's a great Smith acoustic guitar song. That sounds great. It's a great song. Yeah, yeah, but not for a bar. It's a great song. It's just so effectively depressing. Yeah.

It's very slow. It's very downbeat. It's very sonically. If you didn't speak English, you would hear that song, and it would make you depressed. You could be halfway through your drink and set it down and be like yeah I'm done forever I'm just never going to drink again it's just the kind of or it's like hey three more of those

it's the kind of song that will stop you in your tracks it doesn't matter how good of a night you're having in my opinion and it'll just be like hey man remember pain exists i don't know it's called needle in the hay i'm gonna i'm gonna put it i'm gonna listen to it after this because it is a good song it's a great song it's maybe the best song it might end up being the best song that gets picked out of this entire draft because it's other than life after love by

share which is a fucking banger it is a or crazy town which you two were sticking up for so hard makes me think you love that crazy i just didn't think it would go crazy i think it would be i think it would be received well i do this song i don't think would be received by the way we should we gotta try this right don't we have to go try this somewhere like play all 15 of these songs you don't want that smoke no i don no. You don't want that smoke? No. I don't want that in my conscience. Well, you'd think some of these would be bangers, according to you, T-Soul. I don't want Rabbi Peter reading that off

when I'm fucking at the pearly gates, dude. Why were these three bludgeoned to death while they played these 15 songs? I do think Butterfly and Life After Love would go well. I'm not so sure about these other ones yeah i do think i do think uh life after love would kill butterfly could go either way i don't it's the best i can give you just don't think it'd be good i don't think anybody's ready to admit it i don't think you need that one person to be like oh it's fine i

remember this and nobody would do that nobody'd be like oh i can i can get behind this nobody's willing to admit they like that song it's like the one song nobody likes it nobody's like putting it on nobody's like i'm also gonna listen to that on the drive home don't be driving by the way you know but nobody's gonna be listening to it on the uber home nobody's passing the aux cord probably somebody had a breathalyzer the other night where somewhere i think at the comedy club and i was i was like oh let me try i just wanted to see it she's like oh it's busted like what are you doing with it then she's just holding it showing it to everybody like i got one it's just broken it's broken i have i have this small metal box yeah yes seriously it looked like a big vape thing it was ridiculous lame fucking lame you're lame dude i'm kidding you're listening to this

and that was you fuck you lame no i'm just not really i might have done the same thing yeah needle in the hay by elliot smith i just feel like you don't want to there's too much of an energy to that song and it's just gonna get everywhere you know yeah elliot smith has an energy there's a time and a place david time for your fourth pick this feels in a similar vein and this is like i wish i could take this whole band you maybe can't i'm just gonna take this one song i'd be i'd be fine there's i'm taking sunday Sunday. Oh, I hate it. Tonight, we can be as one tonight. Broken bottles on the children's fields.

Bodies strewn across the dead of streets. But I won't heed the battle call. I fucking hate when people put on U2 at a bar. What? It's always... I hate it. I agree with you. I hate it. I think none of their music is good mood music for communal drinking.

I don't like it. I agree with you. I think the music is divine, I guess. I've never understood who goes, I need to go get that new U2 album. I know millions of people. I couldn't even kind of see it. I don't like any U2 songs for real. I used to drink at Dirty Trick Saloon, and there was always this guy in San Francisco,

and there was always one guy who would throw on YouTube, and it was just like, or U2, and we'd be having the best times, and then he'd just kind of like put it on and just like close his eyes and sway, and you're like, get that shit the fuck out of here, bro. Dude, my buddy Kyle was a huge U2 fan when we were in high school,

and I was just like, why? it's fine it's fine that's how i feel about it it's like if the boys from entourage could hear this i know i'm just glad they can't jerry if you're listening by some miracle if you started like aggressively listening after you were on i'm sorry i i don't even like you two that much but i feel like i'm being forced into a corner here where there's some songs there's some fucking songs that i would love to hear that i'd be stoked if they came on at a bar like with or without you where the streets have no name they all sound the same to me and i don't like all of them yeah i still haven't found what i'm looking for none of that i don't the only song i really liked of you two was numb and that's because he doesn't sound like himself and numb he's like

so that was one where i was like oh this is fun sweetest thing whoa the sweetest thing i love that song no no it's at the end of a romantic comedy one of them so i like it there but no i don't like i don't like you too like that it's weird that you don't like you too sean yeah it's weird dude the irish boys i know yeah i just don't i don't really say this up this is the most publicly i've admitted this i yeah no one's ever asked do not like you too never have man what are the other bank what what else i know there's i know there's a ton but i just there's like a bunch of songs i don't know man desire i mean there's a lot of good ones dude no not if you ask me yeah same just doesn't just doesn't and i don't think they're good communal songs.

I think it's for like listening to by yourself in your car as the sun's going down. I don't know if you're pissing off a bar, though, with it. I've seen it happen. Really? Yeah. It was the same guy who always played Sunday Bloody Sunday. Well, that song. Yeah. I mean that yeah

i'm with you on that yeah i don't know this this shouldn't have turned into just you too sunday bloody sunday is what we're talking about yeah yeah yes i mean the drum but the beginning is kind of sick like i don't know i can't get on board with this. It doesn't make me want to commune that song. I don't think a good jukebox song is one that you just want to tell everybody to shut the fuck up so you can listen to. I don't mean to stereotype the Irish or the Irish American.

I am not in no way doing that. The diaspora, but I do think if you went to most Irish bars and played some U2, people would be into it well sure but that's not there there's a lot of irish bars there's a ton probably the one of their major exports probably the most out of any kind of specific bars yeah we're talking we're talking country bar country themed bars i've been to one jewish bar and it was a pop-up and you guys were there it was a pop-up in an irish pop-up

it's four days no no we're all flatteries right after this yeah yeah don't get it that was fun that was tight that was great yeah yeah talk about stuff Sean didn't like whatever drink I got. Oh yeah. No, I didn't. It tasted like kombucha. No, thanks. They are soaring.

They're ballads, which are, which is not the best thing for like a bar. I can agree with that. Yeah. Well, and you know, I don't know if you guys know this,

but there's singers named boner and it's such a weird thing to me where it's like do you think if you want to be a serious band you can't have your lead singer be named boner or he says boner but you know it's spelled boner no no that's not right what if i thought that what if i really did was like, yeah, why is his name Boner? Maybe it means something different in Ireland. Maybe Boner's just like a solid dude. It means soft, shoulder-length haired melody. But here it just means erection. It means wraparound Oakleys in Irish.

Red sunglasses, yeah. It means activism, aggressive activism. But here it just means erection. You don't have to like the name Bono, but you have to like the name of the edge i like that's pretty cool yeah yeah just a cool name everybody thinks that yeah everybody thinks that if i could play the feeling of a guy of a dude being named the edge at a bar everyone would be into that feeling oh yeah yeah yeah if you asked me what band a dude named the edge was in though i would not say you too never never in my life would he be in crazy town yeah he would have found in crazy town yeah in fresno the edge the edge the edge of a legal

amount of piercings to still be able to get on an airplane yeah the edge of getting off probation the edge of the property i can go to with my ankle monitor yeah the edge of how many times you can get caught smoking on a bus the edge of like what you can say to a low-level security guard and still get into the crazy town show yeah the edge of how much copper a scrap metal place will let you bring in even if it's a shady scrap metal place oh you can bring in as much copper as you want as long as the edge of your practice butterfly knife so you get good at real butterfly knives oh man i have seen those practice butterfly knives that's funny so have i the dull ones i do the bartender helium at a butterfly knife the other night i know you sent me a picture of you with it like in your mouth at like midnight

I was like what the fuck's going on you're like look at this this baby blue sweatshirt it's like a magnet but for butterfly knives yeah it is they just cling to it Sean time for your fourth and then your final picks as it is a serpentine draft

yeah that's right it's just tough for me to say because i wouldn't get upset no i don't think the whole bar would i'm gonna say hallelujah by leonard cohen how about that Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I understand why people wouldn't like it. I kind of like it in a bar. I don't think I would.

It's way too much. It's just too much. There's too much emotion in the way he's saying hallelujah. There's just too much. It's just too much. There's too much emotion in the way he's saying hallelujah. There's just too much. It's too strong. It's just, I can't, I couldn't even be like, oh yeah, kind of, but I'd be like, no, it's too heavy.

It's too heavy for me to act like I enjoy right now. I can't call him on this one. I think you're right, though. It's tough. I mean, so the thing with this whole topic, it's tough because there on this one i think you're right though it's tough i mean so the thing the thing with this whole topic it's tough because there's very clear songs where you like of course you could what there's songs where you're like but nobody in any world is gonna play that earth song was about as low as i could go where i'm like i'm trying to picture somebody thinking this would be an okay song that's kind of where i'm getting these picks from and and some of them are like right at the edge but that's kind of right at the edge where i'm

like somebody playing leonard going at the right at the bono what's actually oh you guys say bono is it because you're embarrassed to say boner that's just my accent oh portuguese bono uh yeah man just the the deep heavy heavy so like the leonard the leonard cohen like the oh the guy who wrote it the original right not the is it jeff beck or jeff buckley jeff buckley did the newer one jeff buckley did yeah but the one that i think was the bigger version i think that was jeff buckley the one that was in watchman maybe yeah so so jeff or leonard cohen the one where it's like i didn't get fired i got laid off and they took my pension you know that kind of

heavy heavy just not the vibe that i'm going for in a bar and then my last pick and this is the one that i just thought of it wasn't wasn't on, and this is the one that I just thought of. It wasn't on the list. This is the one where I have to say it wouldn't upset everyone in a bar. I know that. I'm saying that. I'm still picking it because it would upset me enough. And anybody who has any decent taste of anything ever at all hearing this it's gonna be crazy bitch by buck cherry isn't that your mom's favorite song she loves it that song is one of the worst songs i've ever heard in my whole life That song is one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my whole life.

And even knuckleheads, when they hear that song, don't actually like it. I've seen it happen. I don't think I've ever heard it. It's horrible. And again, this isn't like, I'm not posturing. This isn't, because I like tons of bad music. Nobody thinks you're posturing for not liking Crazy Bitch. I just, it's so, it's so bad. It's so ungodly bad.

And it's just like, it's not funny. It's not, you just have to be, there's, sure, you could probably find a bar or two in Sioux Falls or wherever where people would be like, yeah. But for the most part, anybody at the bar is gonna be like, nah, mm-mm. So my mom, for those of you who don't know my mom one time went to crow fest in sioux falls and then she enjoyed herself at the show and then

the singer stopped in the middle of the show and screamed out who wants to toss my salad and she didn't know what it meant and i explained it to her and she now she hates bug cherry i was like yep yep it's not just like the lyrics are bad it's just a and ian watch the video you watching the video no well it's uh yeah it just it's just horrific i just cannot i cannot with that song oh yeah to be so negative i feel like i'm being super negative so that's fine we were yeah we were very we were very like elevated and into it last week we need we needed to cleanse the palate a little bit yeah yeah we were too yeah we're not perfect we yeah we hate things that you love i don't know how many people are out there listening

who love crazy i hope i hope it's not a big crossover and i'm sorry if i upset you but pull your head out of your ass and stop with that song this is the guy who has been offering to chug a bottle of baja blast hot sauce taco bell hot sauce on our patreon not even for you that's more for me just giving me the right amount of excuse to actually do it so that's where this is coming from what i don't understand is why you want to chug the whole bottle just try it i'm interested if i so you know how i said i drink a pint glass of tapatio i'm interested to see if i could honestly i think i could the body what do you mean why couldn't you well you know some people barf or what you can't drink oh like you don't think you could keep it like you could keep it down it's a that's a lot man a lot of sodium dude it would fuck you up

well yeah no i know but you only you only live once young gc said standing on my podium trying to watch my sodium and you'd be doing the opposite i often am doing the opposite of gc yeah i'd say that yeah yeah i've actually been very good friends with gucci main forever so okay well yeah i didn't i didn't get the whole beef. Never even. You know, my buddy Frat used to say grilled cheesy and bacon because they had a song together. Young Jeezy and Akon. You mean bacon and grilled cheesy?

Yeah. Yep. Yeah. He didn't make that up. Damn it. Frat, you liar. You lied to me. I i'm sorry could be simultaneous creation you betrayed my trust uh david boy time for your final pick

so this one this one's from my heart man i can't even this song. It's just the most nothing. Nah, ass song ever. So it might not kill a bar all the time, but I can't fucking stand it. I'm taking Jenny from the block. Oh yeah. I hate that.

That's perfect Straight mid Like I get it She was trying to have a hit It's just so nothing Every time I hear it I'm like this sucks It sucks that she yells The Bronx That whole shit sucks

And I love J-Lo It contains an extra layer For the people who know the Beat Nuts song. Yes. Yes. Yes. Which is like so much better. That beat is so good. Which, by the way, she only sampled that song, am I crazy, five years after it came out, maybe?

It wasn't. I don't even think it was that long. I'm sure they were both sampling the same thing. I bet that's like, you know what I mean? She got it from the Beatnuts song. Well, yeah, for sure, yeah. But who else was on Jenny from the Block? Did she was like John Nana on there or anyone?

I think it was just her. Yeah. It's just like the song is so like, man, tell me you didn't write that. I know you wrote it in 10 minutes. The chorus is cringy as fuck. It's a song I had no idea that would be on there until you just said it. And it's like, yeah, totally. Yeah, I can't stand it.

Totally, totally. I think we'd do all right if we played all 15 of these out one night. I think it was a good mix. We'd have to mix a lot of other stuff in there, I think. Yeah, you got to cut that. You got to cut that with Whitney Houston or some shit. You can't have that. No chase.

you gotta cut that with whitney houston or some shit you can't you can't have that no chase we every fifth every fifth song we could do like a like a palate cleanser or something the next festival that they let you dj either one of you the next festival do this at a weird part of the night i would love to do that i oh they'll probably if we ever do high planes again they'll probably let us do it yeah you know only good part about that video is when they were naked anyways the point is yeah jenny from the block it's the most mid like just song i hate to hear it yeah yeah it really is and like you said there's good j-lo songs this is yeah it's just like it's like it just like having a bad burrito where you're like, how does this have no spice on it? Almost every J-Lo song is a good J-Lo song.

I'm unveiling my own nickname that I came up from myself as song. Yeah. Like, I'm Jenny from the block. It's like, nobody calls you that. And as somebody who's tried desperately to give themselves their own nickname, you can't be doing that. I tried to get the rattlesnake going and it wouldn't happen we're far enough into this episode that i feel like i can say this without getting attacked on twitter who cares by the way you got into it with someone the other day i saw it oh great so this is this would be a similar in the similar vein

kobe bryant gave himself the black mamba nickname and now we're all like all supposed to pretend like it's a cool nickname i didn't know that you can't give yourself a fucking nickname i didn't know he tried to also give himself call himself the caramel cat because your jordan was calling people calling himself the black cat he didn't get it from kill bill did he no he got it from being a fucking nerd dude i just i remember when the black mom but i just i'm just wondering if that'd be crazy i didn't know he gave himself his own nickname though that and now we're all everyone calls him mamba and shit like that come on may he may he rest in peace i'm sorry to his family all of that they're never gonna hear this whatever it's just like you know we don't there's

only one mama in my heart and it's candy yeah lemon. Lemon, orange, and strawberry. And raspberry, if you're lucky. Mama's rule. Time for my final pick. I'm going to take Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit. I don't even know that song and I know it sucks. No one knows what it's like

to be the bad man to be the bad man To be the sad man Behind blue eyes It's their cover of the Who song. Which even by the Who I wouldn't want to hear in a bar. Well, maybe earlier because it's a downer. It's a sad song. Actually, you know what?

I would want to hear it in a bar. It kind of rules. But this is the Limp Bizkit version of a good song, and it's not Faith, which I would also like to hear in a bar. Is Fred Durst, is he like interestingly an okay singer? Am I crazy? I don't know. I don't think so. I think you're crazy.

I'm not sticking up for this song. I'm just saying. I think you're crazy, Tim. Him and your boy Aaron Lewis had a song too, and just saying like, I think you're crazy, Tim. Him and your boy, Aaron Lewis, had a song too. And I was like, are they good singers? Or are they just,

Who's Aaron Lewis? From Slipknot? From Stained. They did that song. What was the song? Uh, whatever. Anyway,

I just, Ask yourself. You know the song I'm talking about. Both of you do. It's um, I'm on the, it's that one I was just singing I'm on the outside I'm looking in

Yeah I can see through you See the real you Yeah I don't I think that's more I think the dude from Stained is a good singer I don't think Fred Burst is Fred Burst isn't I don't think so i don't think so

do you ever watch that documentary the cypress hill documentary he seems so cool in there he seems really cool he could be a perfectly cool guy i just think like i don't want to hear the like other than faith which i do i like but i know is not the ge Michael version is better but like this it has like a speaking spell doing L I M like spelling out limp biscuit and it's just it fucking blows chunks I'm sorry to say that but I think this song blows chunks

I don't want to hear it nobody in the bar wants to hear it it spews for sure it spews dude those are our picks Marissa do you have a pick yeah I'm still recovering from blowing chunks god i need a second yeah blow chunks you never heard that before no no is that not canadian blowing chunks i know you guys blow chunks up there in canada jesus christ mike myers invented it he's canadian yeah i didn't i had no idea he came up with that. Oh my God.

I mean, that's the first time I ever heard it. Maybe they'll make it less gross. So like when you digest food, it doesn't always

break down completely. And so there's chunks of it. So when you puke, the chunks come up through your throat, back out through your mouth,

sometimes your nose as well. And so that's where blowing chunks comes from. Okay. All right. Enough of that.

Anyways. I thought it was about going down on a guy named Chunks. Is that not what it is? Mighty Duck 7. I've been using it wrong this whole time. Mighty Duck 7, the grown-ups.

Why'd you watch your last relationship? She was blowing Chunks. We're in Chunks. He's the drummer in Crazy Town. Sorry, Marissa. what was your pick uh so this is based off personal experience um i was at a bar in denver for high plains i think sean was there maybe david we're playing around in the jukebox and i didn't recognize any songs on it really but i did find this one song that i was stoked to see so i put it on and absolutely nobody vibed with it, which is fair. It was Numb by Linkin Park.

Really? Yeah. I'm becoming this All I want to do Is be more like me And be less like you That is interesting. I wasn't stoked. Were we at the bar by my house?

By my old house? Um, probably. Yeah, that's not the place for that. I could barely open my eyes that night. I know, I know. Yeah, that bar is not... They're not gonna... It's too... Everybody everybody most of the people

there are like too old for lincoln park yeah i think that's a pick and choose pick and choose the bartender goes i can't hear you through your mask and was so mad at me yeah okay well i'm surprised you were wearing one well david i had to wear one for david because we can't both not be wearing one you know how i, only one who never got COVID. Yeah, crazy. I haven't done it either. I mean, not that I know of. Hey, gold stars.

Two gold stars. Cool. I got it. It sucked. It blew chunks. That guy gets a lot. Sean, you went first. You took Butterfly by Crazy Town, Earth Song by Michael Jackson,

Life After Love by Cher, wrong. Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen, and Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry. David, you went second. You took Barbie Girl by Aqua, Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice, Friday by Rebecca Black, Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2, and Jenny from the Block by Jennifer

Lopez. I went last. I took Echoes by Pink Floyd. Or really any very long Pink Floyd song. It's all about the Pentiums by Weird Al. Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5. Needle in the Hay by Elliot Smith. And Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit. I mean, we left some good stuff on the board.

We left, you know. I mean. Everything. Nickelback. There's all kinds of stuff. I love, like, Wannabe by Spice Girls. Candle in the Wind I had on there. See, I think Wann. Nickelback. There's all kinds of stuff. I love like wannabe by Spice Girls. Candle in the Wind I had on there. See, I think wannabe would go.

Oh, wannabe would fucking go, dude. You can come on. Okay. That's why I didn't say it. I didn't say it. You can't get mad at me for things I didn't say. When I told Dana the topic, she said there is a 23 minute opening song from the Stephen Sondheim musical Into the Woods.

There's a lot of talk singing in it and that would piss off a bar for sure perfect yeah creed three doors down oh that johnny cash hurt i've seen somebody try to play that okay time of your life by green day really you don't think that i think that could go i think that could go they play that on the last day you guys high school as well oh yeah it was the year it came out dude oh yeah yeah the vitamin c for us too are they still like knocking out graduation songs that was our deep impact right there you can't there no one's ever gonna come at you like that ever again you think vitamin c is still rich off that i hope so cool she had another she had that sunshine song too not steal my sunshine but

like she had a couple other songs yeah i didn't know that she probably had albums i'm being disrespectful i'm sure she had way more i don't think she did i think she had those two songs what are you doing with your hands i'm doing that thing yeah bring it back yeah uh well hell we want to hear your picks hit us up at all fantasy pod on twitter all fantasy podcast at gmail dot com that's an email shout out to everyone on the AFE patreon thank you for holding us down

big news about the patreon by the way coming next month set to launch in March we have a whole new breakdown of stuff for you it's going to be really fun we've already been working on it. It's going to be great. So look out for that announcement next month and the, and it being put into effect in March.

Although we've already recorded one of those new things and it's going to be coming out in February. I don't want to say what it is. It's great, but it was a whole lot of fucking fun. I guess we can say what it is. Doesn't matter. Yeah,

we did an auction. We did an auction draft. It was fucking amazing. It went really well. So much fun. And we revisited. Well, no, I'm not going to say what it is. We revisited.

Actually, why not? Do it. We did an auction draft of the Taco Bell menu. Yeah. And it got fucking heated. None of us really have grown up. I'll tell you that. No, not at all. I'm about the same age.

I thought maybe the seven years, seven and a half years between now and the first time we drafted it may have matured us a little bit. It did not. Not one bit. No. And I'm fine. And so tune in for that. Shout out to everyone on that Patreon. Thank you for holding us down.

Like I said, shout out to everyone on the AFE. I've been there in a bunch. I've been in there a bunch it's been really fun speaking of fast food we had a huge fast food debate the other day which is really fun really uh in the in potatoes in the potatoes channel shout out to the afe subreddit shout out super producer marissa on the ones and twos shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to frankie ocean shout out to sid the dude shout out to ha the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats. And more important than all of that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy

Everything. Shackle. Shackle. Can't hear you, David. You went dark. Shackle. Shackle. I hope there's three in there.

I hope so, too. They were low. that was a hate gun podcast