All Fantasy Everything - Landmarks (w/ Shane Torres, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

This week the boys got together to draft “Landmarks!” Joining Ian and Sean is the one only Empire Steak Building himself, Mr. Sugar Shane Torres! David is still climbing his way to the top of his Bolivian pyramid scheme involving snake venom and NFTs. ENJOY!  Guest:    Shane Torres @shanetorres IG: @shanetorres Podcast: No Accounting For Taste See Shane live: shaneisacomedian.com/calendar   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @marsmel IG: @mars.melSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting landmarks. Returning with us today is comedian and friend of the podcast, Shane Torres. Shane is on tour performing stand-up in a city near you.

You can find all of his upcoming dates at shaneisacomedian.com I'm your host Ian Carmel and I'm joined as always by my friend and comedian Sean Jordan We straight up have no idea where David Borey is right now Let's get drafting Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. The podcast that was having some audio issue earlier before we started recording but now seems to have gotten them straightened out whoa ronnell hosting the show dude i used to get the human listening to that for everybody out there when shane was all you do jake craig kyle hey google say what's up to everybody shane had his voice recorder on slow king tough is out there listening to him dude

shane had his voice recorder so he's sorry he's going hey marissa is my voice sound okay i didn't even know you could do that i didn't do that all the time if i knew you could do that on zoom i don't know what i can't do it on audio hijack i just now i just feel bad about myself why do you feel bad it was amazing it was so funny yeah it was i was in tears oh my god it was so funny i thought my eyes were gonna pop out like total recall when they when they broke the the glass on the helmet i thought my eyes were gonna get sucked out it was very fun very fun. Very fun indeed.

Great. I wish you had a literary reference instead of a film one for that. Oh, man. You're going to have to talk to me in a different life, my friend, when I don't got Pat Jordan's blood swimming around in here. How are you guys? Doing good. I'm great, man.

The power went out yesterday. Because it snowed in Oregon, right? It snowed. And I don't yesterday. Because it snowed in Oregon, right? It snowed. And I don't really give credit to the snow in Portland because I'm always like, whatever. It's a dusting. But yesterday, it was like four or five inches of accumulated, thick, legit snow. And then, yeah, the power went out. Fresh pow-pow, dude.

Fresh pow-pow all over the Portland metro area. Wish I could have got to Gavi, bro. Had a couple pints, then cruised up to Mount Hood, Timberline. Some hard ciders, and then hit the bowl. Say what's up to J-Baz, dude. Go say hi to J-Baz. He's working there. He just got out, so it'd be like tight.

Then I'd take the lift up to the gnarly. I might try to go hella bored, dude, but I don't got that kind of scratch. Can I borrow like three grand to go hella bored? Cool. You'll never get it back, so it's more like can i have it but you can call it borrow if that helps you help me what sean jordan's netflix is the characters dude that's what that's what power went out and uh it was it was intense having a baby it just it's so boring and i don't know you just realize being an adult is a different kind of boring than a baby because she didn't even notice the power was out she was just thrilled about everything like she was his baby dude yeah just walking around your job to make sure she doesn't

notice the power's out yeah what did you do did you start doing old-timey stuff like making like hard tech and did you do wacky dad did you paint a bar a wacky dad i do wacky dad all the time i've been picking her up i've been picking her up and holding her upside down and carrying her Wacky dad. Did you paint a barn? A wacky dad. I do wacky dad all the time. I've been picking her up. I've been picking her up and holding her upside down and carrying around the house doing wacky dad. Yeah, that's a wacky dad. That's not protective services, dad. That's CPS, dad.

That's not. No. Supervised visitation, dad. Yeah. Yeah. please let me see her dad yeah that was good i mean power went out but then i mean they got it back on it's all good everything is good everything is lovely boil some apples what'd you do dude how'd you have fun yeah we just sat and played with dishes a lot of it we sat probably in the kitchen floor for about an hour played with dishes can i ask you a question nine inches no you have two or just one damn it what i know i was talking about my penis length yeah yeah

i know it's sad you have to measure over the scrotum too that's included wait what you have to be loose and let it hang and measure around that. And then with one of those like... So it's the circumference of the scrotum added onto the length of the penis? Added onto the length of a very hard erect penis. And yes. Okay.

Nine inches. Is that the way like an eyeball is not actually round? It's kind of oblong in your head? Well, it's... You know how there's those like those flimsy like tape measures that aren't the rigid ones? It's because you have to be able to... Well, yeah. If they're next to your big old dick,

they're probably not going to be able to have it rest on it. What was your other question? I answered the one about my penis enough. Yeah. I- A-N-K-A-R-M-E-L. He says it I-N, so it is accurate to say I to do it I and hood I thought you started saying I and I thought you wanted to marry I and Carmel no not want to marry I and yeah wherever deny is she can

marry I and Dana is marrying Ian yeah nah and I and yes Shane what's your third question um since you play with Max all these ways, you're entertaining her in ways that I guess are whatever simple. Do you find like you're getting more joy out of little things now? Like even if you're not playing with, does this make sense, this question? Yeah. I feel like it would make me more creative. Joking aside, which is hard to do with a question like this

because we make fun of each other so much. Joking aside, I've always found joy out of little things and yes she helps me find joy out of much more little things she helps me appreciate things that's not what i much more like well i mean is that not where you're going i guess like i'm asking like if you're like if you're like not with her and you're just like are you enjoying something are you like taking a look at something like maybe a little more like less for granted or more in depth does the concept of object permanence delight you now does the does the notion that like hey where where does where does someone's face go when i don't see it are they just gone they're like when you turn on is gone when you turn like on a water faucet now you're like ah that's wild like if she turns on a water faucet she's like this is insane to me

well now when i park my car and i get like out of the line of sight i start screaming because i don't know what happened to my car whereas before max i was like i know it's where i left it but now as soon as i can't see it i have a total meltdown and then i have to get my eyes i guess it would just make me like maybe think a little more like how are they thinking about this i think this would be an interesting question for someone who wasn't a fucking hayseed who fell off the back of a turnip truck you know but unfortunately oh man he did 20 push-ups yesterday all of a sudden he's 10 feet tall how many push-ups you think you could do shane right now oh yeah we would yeah i think i

probably maxed out around i did like two days ago i did like 12 and i was real the last few were not really push-ups like there we go yeah i'd be like 12 to I was real. The last few were not really pushups. There we go. Yeah. I'd be like 12 to 15 if I really was focusing. Oh, I thought you could do 50. No, no, man. Not on this workout. That's what I'm telling you guys.

It's not like what you guys do in the burbs. Like that's not what Tom Hardy's got. Yeah, it's like me. It's like fucking lean and mean, man. I'm hanging. I sleep upside down now. What are you guys fucking doing? I'm sorry.

There's no blood in my legs until three in the afternoon. And you guys are fucking talking about what we're going to have for brunch at your weddings. I'm fucking doing knuckle push-ups. I tried to do knuckle push-ups yesterday because I tweeted that I was bored. Ian said, do some knuckle push-ups.

And I think I did five. And I said, ouch. Every time. I also don't think you did five. And I said, ouch, every time. And it hurt so bad. Five good ones. No. God, no. My shoulder. So for me, a push-up, your back and shoulders or your arms have to line up with your back.

I don't think you need to get like all the way down there. It's like your arms line up with your back. No, you do. No, you don't need like your chest. You don't need your elbows sticking up, you know. I just think you need like a flat. You know what I mean? Your elbows and your shoulder blades should be level.

That, to me, is a push-up. That counts. I don't think that's the correct form. It is. What do you think? You touch your chest every time? You're supposed to go way down, and you're supposed to make a pinch in between your shoulder blades. That's a full push-up. I think it counts if your

arms are level with your back in weigh in i think i don't really know i mean what what did you do the other day you did you just go down as far as i can yeah yeah try to get like a 45 degree angle on your stand straight up and sits in a lounge chair and he thinks that's a push-up well and i stick my butt up as high as it can go in the air so i'm like a greater than sign for hell. Then I just do push-ups like that. Who thought you would have used that? Mr. Van Bokken,

my 7th grade math teacher. Sean S. Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougarmel Jordan on Instagram. Sean, how many push-ups did you do? The first time I did it, I maxed out at 20, but then I did it I maxed out at 20 but then a week later I maxed out at 30 now you also didn't do

full ones stop with the negativity I'm sorry I think it's negative that you're not being candid with yourself is it freezing in there you have a beanie on is it freezing in your apartment I just left the gym my hair's sweaty I wanted to look nice for you and you do thank you well you're doing all sorts

of weird what do you do at the gym you like put a snake loose on the floor and try to get away from it like what kind of futuristic workouts are you doing that's one of the that's one of the exercises we do and then but like it's also yeah uh i went to the boxing gym i went and i went in box this morning i'm trying oh yeah sure i'll be'll be in Seattle June 2nd at the Hereafter. So please come to that. I guess one of these days Shane and I are going to have to slapbox because I'm quicker. I'm going to put you on your fucking ass. It's going to be so easy.

I'm going to accidentally real box you when you slapbox. What happened? I accidentally just hit him a whole bunch. I don't know fucking knocked his teeth out accidentally yeah i was going crazy and i just hit him a whole bunch for real and uh but we were just playing around i accidentally zeroed in on his chest and hit it as hard as i could yeah dude right in the solar plexus we were kidding but i was never kidding and i got serious like before we even started but yeah accidentally but we were kidding but

i was serious for real i punched him and he made a noise like an old couch when somebody sits in it do you remember when we went to the san diego zoo do i remember that when we went to the san diego zoo and it was me sean to scott ricketts and zach yeah and uh ricketts was like if the turtles fuck it sounds like an old man moving a fridge and then it sounded exactly like that because we were hung over and like there were people with their kids and we could not stop laughing and we were well into our 30s at this point and it was a little hot it was like probably 85 so you know it wasn't like an amazing feeling where you're like oh this fresh air for

the hangover you're kind of sweaty we had burritos right before we went or no no we had burritos anyway but yeah we got in mesh shorts the whole nine uh just i had to remove myself because i felt bad it was so but we could not stop like i think uh i think we came to tears honestly it's one of the things i i really regret missing the most what were you guys all doing in san diego show we went down for doug loves movies shane was doing american comedy company yeah and i think i think zach was featuring for me maybe i just went to go honestly i think you i think you had something that you wanted to do that weekend. Like you maybe wanted the house.

And I was like, yeah, I'll just go to San Diego. I think. Nice. Yeah, something. Yeah, and Rick was living in North San Diego. Remember, on our way back, you texted us, Zach and I, and you're like, hey, boys, I got that. What did you say? I got that vegan dessert that we all like so much from.

It's a pie place. Oh, the vegan fried pie from uh magpies yeah my god so i think zach started speeding a little bit he's just like oh for such an incredibly fit man that guy loves sweets he loves sweets he did he can you know he he's a he's a gourmand is what he is yeah he's like he's just like padma is Is that a slang term for an Italian that I've never heard? No, he's a gourmand. He's a low culture, well no, an all culture gourmand. He delights

in a Slim Jim as much as he does in the finest Mexican food that LA has to offer. Absolutely. A Skittle as much as a delicious $7 piece of fried vegan pie. Yeah.

He's a good boy. He's a good boy, that Zach Toscani. He is a good boy. Y'all are good boys. This is fun. This is like, this was the Astrid apartment, just sitting there watching blue chips.

Looks like you still have the same closet doors that we had. Yeah, I know. This is like the one shitty wall. I remember we'd all go to Plaid and Ian would sitid and he ended sit down and be like all right i gotta write carmel's corner and me and you'd be like well we're gonna watch friday night lights and now one of us is a head writer for a tv show i remember

he wrote carmel's corner one time and it just said fuck kale and i was like this is such a bullshit job you know that was portland as fuck That was a different job. And fuck kale moved. Fuck kale moved units. I saw that up in kitchens. People had it on their fridge, dude. That is learning all the rules so you can break them. It's in the Portland Zeitgeist, my friend. All right.

That's called learning all the rules so you can break them. I was getting up at 6 a.m. to go to Crema, and I was like, this guy's getting a a check for this you weren't working at crema when i did that keep keep saying what you're gonna say i wanted credit for using the word zeitgeist i saw it we all saw it there and i appreciate it let's not give i don't think you worked at like i think this is well i mean maybe it was top elia or holman's you can't bring up crema anymore by the way dude crema's gone down hill in a fucking bobsled bro sean we're leaving okay i made sean leave it was hilarious have i told you why then we got into an audi tt with the with the top down you told me why and then you told an entire audience why at mississippi studios when we did a live record oh Oh, that's right. I'll tell everybody.

We all remember. We all remember that show. Everybody remembers that show. Every single part of that show. It's a great coffee shop. I love crema, but you're going to step to me like, oh, we don't make that Starbucks drink? Trying to make me feel bad? I fucking wove the fabric of that city.

Wove the fabric, that city wove the fabric and you're gonna tell me I'm ordering a Starbucks drink I wrote Portland I wrote fuck kale alright and you're gonna tell me I'm ordering a Starbucks drink I'll fucking kill you

I won't but I will grab you by your little bull ring nose ring and tug you around a little bit leaving your mother's audi yeah sue carmel did earn that audi i we sure did i also left in a honda crv from that place all right i bet you they talk so much shit about us when we left i'm ready for it all i'm ready for that and i'm ready for them to move back to fucking phoenix when they're done with their little port experiment. It's not like you didn't keep the lights on in that place.

Like we spent... Or you could also... You have to do the five easy pieces thing in that moment. Where like... You know that movie? The Jack Nicholson movie? Where's the five easy pieces move? No. He goes in a diner and he goes, I'll have a... It's like...

I'll have a chicken... i'll have a burger uh with uh no nothing just the burger she goes we don't do that here it comes how it comes and then he goes okay well then i will have a hamburger bun a a hamburger patty and a side of french fries and like so you have to do it like that we have to be like okay well are you capable of make can you do this by piece yeah because what's a flat you tried to order a flat white or something like that a flat white yeah that's a starbucks drink i think i'll i'll fucking body slam you dude you think i won't yeah i know i can do i can do 50 push-ups and you're gonna get body slammed yeah but you gotta do like what's a flat what's the difference you just steam the

milk differently or something it's just yeah it's like it's a it's a different amount of milk it's a different i don't want to get into it but like yeah you just have to be like can you steam the milk and then do this to the milk and then pour the coffee like you have to do that like because that's how they want to be pricks about it the point was they wanted to be pricks yes no yeah yeah no i i agree yeah like we if they were just like i don't know how to make a flat white i would have been like say no more cousin say no more cousin that's fine i don't need i don't need i don't need that i'll take a cappuccino that's close enough for me yeah but the fact that they were trying to like big time me yeah when i wrote

most of 9.2 on pitchfork in that very coffee shop well the last time i was in seattle nobody showed up so everybody should come out june 2nd to the hereafter nobody go to that what are you gonna be doing nobody go to that show what are you doing at the hereafter little my nipples around and say stupid stuff. He's playing some Pearl Jam songs. Well, Chris Novoselic and Kim Thao got together, formed a super group. Album came out today. Who did? Somebody from Nirvana and somebody from Soundgarden. Oh, nice.

Surviving member. So, like, Sean could come up there and front the band. Sean? Sure. I'll give it a shot, yeah. I'll tell you, if they show up, have some songs written, I'll front the band. At Shane Torres on Twitter, at Shane Torres on Instagram. Yep, yep, yep.

Shane Torres is a comedian.com. This comes out the 28th. It'll be a full week after Shane and I see Pup together in Los Angeles, California. Jealous. You're on the floor, right? You're not balcony? No, no, no. I'm VIP.

I know those guys. I know those guys, too. But where's your ticket for? Side stage. I'm not going not going on the floor i'm uh i'm cool you didn't buy a ticket they gave me two tickets i know you don't want you didn't want to support the band i don't know them of course i got tickets on the floor i'm sitting with a floor balcony it's it's flalcony you don't even know but it's a new tell me where are you gonna be because i want to hang out with you during the concert it's floor i think it's it's floor. It's floor. Okay, good. It's balcony.

Yeah. Because I had one of each because I accidentally bought balcony first and then I found out floor was available on the aftermarket site and I got those floor because I want to be on the floor throwing elbows. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Their openers are good too. Their pits, little puppy pit. Little puppy pit. Nice.

Kyle and I are going to be at Menzinger's that Saturday, too, if you want to go. But I don't know. Go, Canaan. Later that week? Yeah. Sue Carmel's in town, so I'm going to be hanging out with her. Oh. Well, maybe I'll make sure.

You'll have to see Sue Carmel. What's Menzinger's? It's like a pop punk band. They're really good from Scranton. Hell yeah. Yeah. But yeah, 28th. Here's the part where I plug everything.

Just had a podcast with Kyle Kinane drop yesterday on All Things Comedy Network. And... Oh! I announced a show with... Let me tell you about... Sounds like you're going to complain a little bit. Yeah.

I might. June 2nd, I'm playing the bell house in brooklyn i'm headlining doing a shane and friends kind of thing and uh get tickets for that they're they're live i just announced it yesterday i have an amazing band called jim shorts it's closing out the show it's going to be a real fun time some secret guests shane and friends sounds like it'll be a pretty short lineup. One of your friends will be at the Hereafter in Seattle on June 2nd. So unfortunately, I can't make it. Yeah, people are going to come to mine.

Unfortunately, I can't be there. June 2nd, the Bell House, Brooklyn, New York. Get tickets on their website. Do Jim Shorts know that you used to be the lead singer of a band yourself? Yeah, of course they do. Everybody knows what I used to do. A softcore emo metal band from Texas, I want to say. Was it softcore?

You can say that, Sean, because that's true. Yeah, I'm not ashamed of it. Let me fucking hear you sing. What do I got to do? What do you think your wedding gift is going to be? Ooh, I can't wait. Is it going to be that? Is it going to be that?

Can it be that, please? That would be huge. I'll pay you to give me a wedding gift. No, you will never get this. Shane Torres, please. If I found out you were singing with gym shorts at this show, I'm going to be in London. I would cut that trip short and fly back.

I would fly everybody from Seattle, two people that want to go, probably that booked me. I would fly them. Lauren the baby. Yeah, I would fly me, Lauren, Max to Union or wherever the fuck you're going to be. Where are you going to be? The Bell House.

Bell House? Bell House is dank. AFV sold that up. Yeah, yeah. You guys did. Yeah, we did. We all kissed each other. We kissed.

God. Boy kisses. Boy kisses. That's the name of my new podcast with Kyle Kinane. Boy kisses. Boy kisses. Loose, wet turkey breath we all had. Wasn't there a stand-up show on Boy Kisses?

What are you and Kinane doing on your podcast? Fantasy drafting pop culture thing? God, that'd be funny. We call it hijack. It's called No Accounting for Taste. We basically defend things that people,

guilty pleasures and things people don't seem to understand. Like this week we did rom-coms because people shit on rom-coms all the time, but I love them. I know you guys love. I think you guys drafted rom-coms. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we drafted them. You should have had one of us on there to pull out our sword, dude.

Who was the guest? We don't have guests't have guests oh oh it's just two i don't make my friends work for free you shut up and you fancy draft things you oaf i like the st louis arch that's right that's's right. Smile. Tell a funny anecdote about a show in St. Louis once. I'll pull that star right off that dressing room door and you'll be back there with the rest of the chorus line girls. Down there with the cash you down with the sodomites and all the other

fucking godforsakens. You think you're special. You're special because I made you special, you whore. Tell you what's special is this fucking tomahawk steak I'm eating. Bring me one for two. Nah, without any utensils. I made Miss Piggy and I took her

down. Yeah, but Kyle and I fantasy draft. Yeah, that's what we do. Nice, nice. That's a good format. It's a proven format. What's Kyle's favorite rom-com well we don't gotta wonder what we do he likes rom-coms we don't actually fantasy draft we just defend like is it like a documentary on queens rec

uh yeah we had a lot of fun with it um yeah, we had a lot of fun with it. If you have an extra couple hours every week, obviously, listen to this. Yeah, start your week off. We're Monday. Start with a light little summer salad on Monday and then finish off with the big boys on Thursday. Monday is usually when people revisit the previous week's AFE. It is when they're like...

Just to be clear. Just to soak it all in. Thursday, you week's AFE. It is when they're like, just to soak it all in. Thursday, you listen to AFE. Saturday is usually you listen to it backwards to see if we've dropped any sort of verbal clues or anything to the... You guys are like the NFL. You're trying to make it a seven-day-a-week sport.

Yeah, we want a seven-day-a-week, 365, 360-degree sort of experience. You're like, oh, that's right. On the Ways to Kill Time, David drafted doodling. That's right. Well, there's so much speculation. That's why David hasn't been on an episode for three weeks because we're trying to get like, where is David?

People don't know. Where's he going to sign in free agency? You know what I mean? Is David the big three? Has something happened to the big three? Is he trying to force his trade to Philadelphia right now? You know what I mean? Can we get Ben Simmons for David Borey?

I think so. I would never take that trade. No. Whatever puts David in my camp is the trade I'm taking. So I'll give up the whole team. We're trading David, dude. We're getting Ben Simmons. Yeah.

Bill Simmons' son? Bill Simmons. Bill Simmons' kid. We Simmons. Bill Simmons' kid. We're trading David Borey. Well, he tried to steal something from you, so now you can steal something from him. You're going to copy my podcast? I'll take your child. Cut this.

I don't want to make an enemy that powerful. No, it's too late. He's huge. He's everywhere. Yeah. And I've already made that mistake. Yeah, he listens. He's mainlined right in.

He gets to listen. He's in, yeah. Well, he is one He gets that. He's mainlined right in. He gets to listen. He is one of the few people that is coming to your show in Seattle hereafter on June 2nd. It's going to be Bill Simmons. Chris Novoselic. Sean Kemp and Gary Payton bought like six tickets each. So that's going to be tight. That's just because they need the leg room, though.

You're still only getting one person. I doubt they even show up, but they bought the tickets. That's fine with that. They bought the tickets. You got the paper. That's how that works. Are they 50 cent y'all ruling? You just trying to buy out the front row because of your long-standing beef with the Seattle Supersonics? Yeah, I wouldn't care, man. Buy the whole thing.

Hey, the glove. Buy every ticket so nobody shows up. I still get paid and I don't have to work. Then I can go to that Bell House show so Shane has at least a friend there. Yeah, God. Please come to the Bell House show June 2nd. Everybody buy tickets. Listen to the podcast No Accounting for Taste with

Kyle Kinane and Shane Torres. And Shane is Comedian.com. My name is Ian Carmel. At Ian Carmel on Twitter. At Ian Carmel on Instagram. At Ian Carmel on Jewish Civilization 6 on the Nintendo Switch app. Go see Shane, you know. Yeah.

June 2nd in New York. Thanks. You're doing a lot of stand-up right now. You got tour dates coming up or something? I'm doing a... I don't really. I'm just doing... I'm just falling in love again.

Oh. For the very first time with a stand-up comedy. Attaboy. Yeah, I'm just doing a lot of stand-up. I don't really... I don't have any tour dates or anything. It's hard to put it this summer filled up quick i tell you i'll tell you what when you got a wedding coming up yeah you gotta keep it you gotta keep a clear runway this is really weird i think i'm gonna be like a the weird bachelor in our friend group i don't

think you're gonna be the like only bachelor Zach's not married David's not married Somebody's going to sweep Zach up Zach and David are going to get married That would make me so happy Adam's a bachelor, David's a bachelor A couple bachelors from Sioux Falls are coming Nick Nampe Pretty much all bachelors I think

Now that we talk about it It's a lot of bachelors Marissa you should probably bring a bodyguard to this wedding. But you guys are my bodyguards. That's true. Yeah, this will be a good fit. Marissa's going to say something. I'll be like, oh, you don't need to worry about that here. Marissa's going to let me borrow her sword and I'm going to act as a bodyguard, dude.

Yes. Bring your beat saber as your purse or whatever as an accessory to Sean's wedding. That'd be sick. Just like a festive beat sabering. Yeah. But then like a techno remix.

Happy hardcore. Infected mushroom. You know what I mean? Ian, if you get really good at the size and Shane, you get even better at the katana then we could be the Ninja Turtles. I'm gonna be a bo staff man. No, Marissa's the post staff man i'm

the bo staff girl yeah come on yeah and i got the chucks i got the nunchaku unlock so you two have to get the other ones and then we could do a ninja turtles theme wedding like we always wanted to do it can we not fucking walk around acting like i'm not already amazing with size like what is this i was just trying to make shane feel better man i didn't want him to be the only one that doesn't know how to wield a ninja turtle weapon he can throw i can throw a pizza box i've done it before i was there you can't come back well i know that's why i threw the pizza box just to just to make sure you gotta go i know i kind of want us all to dress up like ninja turtles well i can't i can't do that for you bud did you get your suit yet it shipped i got the email that it shipped.

So they were saying it's probably not going to get here until May 2nd, but I think it gets here this week. So I'm stoked. I'm stoked. Clearly I've not been keeping up with what's been going on with the postal service in this country for the past two years. No, but I mean it shipped. It's like it's not, it's in route. So even if it does take longer

than normal, it should have taken like three days. So it could take a week and three days it'll still be here by friday they put out a new album or something the weekend postal service postal come on shit i'm sorry i'll just where you want me to go which i do come on dude guys they're not keeping up with the jokes and he can't do a full push-up it's crazy it sucks it sucks to see it i don't really have any dates listen to all fantasy everything watch the late late show with james corden you know fucking that's it dude yeah man loosen up the belt you know take her easy too you know take her easy yeah crack a yellow dog have a saturday not a

you thing to say just like kick back just taking her easy i'm a big take her easy guy these days have fun take her easy uh we're getting today not only to sit in the boat and have fun but also windy out today in la but also the fantasy draft landmarks i don't know if it's the santa anna's or what but the wind is blowing well you get drafting go to the midwest you get those chinooks you get the nor'easterlies creeping on down then those combine with the with the hot air from the south and then you get tornadoes my friend i don't believe you get the chinook winds in the midwest do you you get every wind you got man you know like a lot hot wind been blowing up my ass right now is what i'm getting i think now the chinook winds are out here yeah port oregon what am i

talking about the pacific northwest look me. What a dickhead. Yeah, no, you get the Chinooks out here. Anyway, what are we here to fantasy draft in? What are we doing? Landmarks, bro. Of which there are none in the Midwest. Shut the fuck up, Shane. Not a single one, dude. Dog shit.

There's dog shit mountain. Your bullshit cup's overflowing, bro. Yeah? Well, refills are free, motherfucker. Have a little more. Right onto my brand new cashmere rug that I got, which was ill-advised. They even said, I was like, I'm going to get it. I don't think Shane's bullshit mug is going to overflow.

And here it is overflowing. Yeah. Why don't you put a fucking cork in it until you're spoken to? Do you think they make rugs out of cashmere? Huh? Prince thinks they make rugs out of cashmere. I think Prince gets them out of like panther skin cashmere. We have a cashmere blanket for someone got us for Max,

a white cashmere blanket. It's pretty buck. That sounds nice. For the baby. Is that cashmere? It's not, but it's very comfy. I have two pentacle blankets. My name's Ian Carmel.

I have these pillows that Ian asked. He goes, which Lilith Fair did you get those from? And now they're not on the couch anymore. Because I told Laura that. I told Laura and she's like, he's right. And she moved them. Is that a jellyfish? Yeah.

Yeah, we have two of these and they got jellyfish. They got bumped off the couch because of my... I got to be careful where I aim the laser that design is that that's for bathroom only in house yeah jellyfish is like bathroom it's a bathroom pillow you need something with water around like unless you live in like nantucket you ever been in a carpeted bathroom it's the weirdest it's the wildest thing when you're walking in the bathroom yeah just you know all bathrooms in canada are carpeted that's not true i've never seen a carpeted bathroom it honestly shocks me that you guys have

when i'm in a carpeted bathroom i pee i just pee on the carpet i'm like you asked for this this is what you wanted i'm like this is a human litter box now that's what i say don't put toilet paper everywhere if you don't want to treat it like toilet paper. This is what you wanted on some level. So I'm just going to go ahead and piss all over your carpet. Yeah, if God dares me, I'll stand at the edge of the world yelling. Right, exactly. I'll scream, dude. I'll rip a hole in heaven and fucking climb into it.

Screaming like a banshee. Eat it, Peter. I got this. I'm coming in. Shane, why did you want to draft landmarks i just picked it second i wanted to draft things that aren't that hard but then we think they are what it but john said landmarks oh i didn't even see that first one yeah sean didn't send it to me i just saw landmarks yeah well we're doing landmarks i guess landmarks is fun fun. So, you know, we're a well-traveled bunch.

It's not like I have to have been to the landmark. I can pick whatever the fuck I want, and I will. You picked having a baby for a number one excuse to get out of stuff. Me? No, Ian did. You don't have a baby. It's pretty fun, though. That's a good excuse.

He doesn't have a baby. I might have a baby, and I've seen's a good excuse he doesn't have a baby i've seen you i might have a baby and i've seen people you know i've seen babies yeah they're not so great i got what do you think i don't have pictures on my phone i got the internet yeah but i've like met babies i can go anywhere in the world i've met people that have some of this stuff on their shirts are we picking things well real quick as somebody who constantly fucks up what is allowed to be picked during a certain track.

Oh no, David's not even on the show right now. So I'm also fucking, well, I'm not so great at it either. Uh, uh, are we picking things we have been to,

or are we, I guess, I guess we don't have to, because otherwise Sean's going to pick what? Yeah. Fuck it. Uh, the bathroom.

Stop. Max's diaper bin. You take your medicine when it's your pick, just like I have to all the goddamn time. So you make your move. We're going to find out in real time. Okay. If you need to take your medicine,

then you can take it like a big boy. I got crazy picks anyways. Ladle full of sugar. Crazy might come up later because it's one of the only landmark. I'm not going to say picks. Windy day in Los Angeles. Shane didn't get it.

Is that funny? Shane didn't get your joke. It's a windy day here. The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game. I get it. It was a joke. Rock, paper, scissors. Oh, I get it. Have you even

told... Are you going to put that in this episode? Put it on the Patreon page for god damn short. Another thing I do on that fucking thing that's not on my goddamn... I'm going to put it on the Patreon page for god damn sure. Another thing I do on that fucking thing that's not on my goddamn... I'm going to put it on loop and play it. You get up there and dance! He's a grand old flag.

He's a high flag. I'm going to put it on YouTube and play it on my TV as many times as I can handle. Yeah, that won't freak your child out for the rest of my life. Oh my god. Have you met Maxine yet? You have have right james yeah we get along yeah yeah yeah we get along they talk they talk yeah uh yeah we were very uh i held her for a little bit and then uh we were like this is cool

right and she's like yeah and then i gave her to Helen. Nice. You know that tiny little blue phone she's got, Ian? Shane's the only one with access to that. It only calls Shane. So she dials it. Fucking bat line, bro. Well, I had to take it away because Shane was trying to get her to come to a show at the Bell House.

And I was like, you don't... June 2nd. He'll have a couple people. You don't need... Don't feel obligated. I'll be at the Hereafter in Seattle. That's the name of the show is Babies Are Welcome. I'm going to go up there and talk about despair for 90 minutes,

and then the audience is nothing but babies. You're going to do yourself a 90-minute set, huh? Better make sure it's Valentine's Day. Fred despair? I was going to a breakup. Fred despair? Fred despair? Oh, another one.

How about John Complain? Oh, like John McCain? Or John Wayne. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or doing Leading Men. John Cougar Mellencramp.

Error Flynn. Error Flynn. I like that, yeah. Alan, all the women in the world want nothing to do with me? The way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Fuck you. Play between the two of you and we throw and shoot. Here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ah, rock, paper, scissors. Shane Torres is the winner. Shane, as the winner of rock, paper, scissors, it is incumbent winner shane as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i'll remind you it is a serpentine draft and what does that mean exactly great question what does that mean uh it's like if you got a piano and you start at the low end and uh you just you take your finger and drag drag it all the way to the high end and then you kind of tap that high key for a second like that's kind of fun but what

if it what if i went all the way back down to low and then you go all the way back down to the low end kind of bang on that look i've always wanted somebody yawn while i'm doing this crazy it's taking you this long to come up with this analogy this that's like the most obvious one oh i'm sorry shane so yeah that's it i just stop. Have you ever repeated one? Probably. For sure he has. Yeah, it must have happened. Yeah.

He was like, you know when you go to 7-Eleven and you get nacho cheese and then you get chili on the nachos? How about this? It's like if your friend's eating lunch and he spills some shit on his left side of his shirt and then you don't bring it up and then he spills some stuff in the middle

and then he goes to the right and spills some stuff on the right and you still don't bring it up and then he's just gobbling some more and he spills a little more blue cheese on the right and then he spills some hot sauce in the middle and then he goes to the right and spills some stuff on the right and you still don't bring it up and then he's just gobbling some more and he spills a little more blue cheese on the right and then he spills some hot sauce in the middle then he gets some kale on the left side of his beard and then you still don't bring it up because you're like surely there's no more else and then somehow he works a cheerio in there and spills that on his brand new jeans that we made him buy then he goes and he spills hot sauce on his bad dude where his jeans are do you shut your

mic off make me buy shit shane uh basically what it means if you pick third in the first round you pick first in the second round with that in mind what will the order of today's draft be uh sean and shane oh i'm in the middle again whoa i'm in the middle first sean in the middle beat the dick like a what's it beat the dick like a... Beat the dick like a drummer chick. The edited version. It goes, beat the what like a drummer chick. And it doesn't make any sense when you hear it like that.

What will make sense is Sean's first pick, which we will get to right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy, everything is brought to you by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done.

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That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything, the only podcast that has ever existed, except, of course, for the new podcast, No Accounting for Taste, featuring Shane Torres and Kyle Kinane. But those are the only two.

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Or My Favorite Murder. They could really use the bump. Yeah, let's give them the bump. Okay. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. Landmarks. Oh, God. I bet I know.

I mean, I gotta do it. It's not a good first pick. Well, it's not. It's just not a good first pick. Alright, fine. Golden Gate Bridge. What? Golden Gate Bridge. Wow. You talked him out of it? Yeah. Well, I was struggling because it's a shitty landmark. They're bad.

It's a bad thing. It's a bad thing that's there. If we're all talking about the same thing, it's not good. We all know you're... Yeah, we know what the one landmark is. I'll bring it up. I probably will, unless one of you does. Because obviously, this is the first thing I thought about last night. But it's not good. And it's just...

Well, we're not talking about that. If we bring it up, we'll bring it up. We're talking about the Golden Gate Bridge. The Golden Gate Bridge, to me, is... It's so... That's right. Shane, that was so gross that's crazy that's what ian sounds like when he farts no that was that was shane's first joke for his show june 2nd ladies and gentlemen shane torres and you're bringing yourself up and you just get up there and go. You have to call yourself

fart barf knuckle if you're going to burp for your first joke. I like the Golden Gate Bridge. It's huge. It's fun. I love San Francisco. It's just a big, fun, awesome thing to see. It's so grand. And I don't know know it's one of those things that when you see it often that for me anyways i see it off in the distance and it just i get like a lot of these but i just get this fun feeling i know i'm going to san francisco i love san francisco and then when you get up to it you're just like it it makes it's just like spatial awareness makes makes me feel kind of weird because it's so big. And bridges freak me out anyways. It's interesting

and amazing how it even got built, especially back then. It's a marvel in the sense of just... It's actually pronounced marble. It's a modern marvel. It's a B. It's a modern marvel. It's a modern marvel of

technology. And there's that video where they made it boogie. They made it do the dance, which is fun. That's not the Golden Gate Bridge. I know that. But it's just a dope bridge. Everything about it is fantastic. I love when you're driving into San Francisco

from that way where you take it and you go through the rainbow-y tunnel, the Robin Williams tunnel or whatever, and then you get to go over the rainbow tunnel, the Robin Williams like tunnel or whatever and then like you get to go over the Golden Gate Bridge because it's so full of promise. It's like, oh shit, I'm about to be in San Francisco for a weekend or whatever. Yeah. Well, and when you fly into like pretty much all

the time, it's covered in fog so you can just see the peaks of the bridge, which is always such an interesting thing. It's just and then there's that park at Golden Gate Park I think to cross the river or the bay or sound or whatever and you're standing up there and it's just so absolutely gorgeous the sound the bay the sound the straight bodies of water you know you just cross the the straight of gibraltar across san francisco and then there you are it's also huge it's so fucking huge yeah that's what's like what's crazy it's been around forever

and just the amount of gumption and foresight it would take to build something like that a hundred years ago or even now bet you a lot of marriages had to suffer for that thing to get built god turkey sandwiches that's a bleak way to say something a lot of marriages had to suffer to get this fucking uh a lot of wayward teenagers frolicking about during the building of that bridge well yeah it's it's one of the big ones it's like a special one for sure it's a good i love it it's a good first pick and i love san francisco i don't i don't know it's yeah fantastic i think that's also part of the the the landmark drafting that's um is like it depends on where it is too it's about the whole thing yeah yeah yeah it's a

backdrop you know like the city so or the place needs to be a backdrop golden gate breezy it's such it's so fucking big it's sick and it just makes you feel a certain kind of way you know like a lot of these any like all these well most of i think they're bit they're those that grand stature where you're like you makes you feel small it makes you feel hopeful excited fun yeah just all that and it's like a destination like get earnest go into that follow those feelings i mean it well it does it like it brings a lot of stuff out i the older i get especially i appreciate how beautiful everything is and like sometimes i can look at a sunrise or something and i'm like oh there's got to be this can't be an accident is that your favorite city that you that you like you haven't lived in that's yeah if i could if i that was like money didn't matter at

all then yeah i'd live i'd have a dope spot in san francisco i love it there i had the best day there like uh earlier in that like in february i think is when dan and i went there and it was like one of those days where it was just randomly in the 70s and we were in north beach yeah and got like espressos at this italian cafe that's been open since the 50s and got books at city light books and then like read in the park and got a job. It was just a fucking beautiful San Francisco day. It's the closest to actually being able to live a romantic comedy that you can get. It's a really romantic

city just in the sense of... As far as American cities goes, it's very European feeling in a lot of ways too. That can kind of whisk you away. It's very compact. Every part of it is so gorgeous. Everything is pretty. The it is so gorgeous. Like, Russian Hill.

Like, everything is pretty. The beach is right there. You can get right to the beach. It's not... You don't have to... You just seriously ride your bike for a mile and you're at the beach. I know San Francisco's, like,

changed quite a bit for the worst, but, like, it can still get there. Yeah. It can still get there. It's natural elements are... Yeah.

And the bridge is, I guess, the thing people think of when they think of san francisco as far as the structure goes yeah or the punchline comedy club which i'll be at this weekend even though this is already out but whatever i don't have a i don't have a daughter born out of wedlock i just drive down there and see you bud but got priorities now you know yeah yeah you're not one of them. I know. That's how I feel. Everything's changing.

Ian, what's your favorite landmark? Time for my first pick, and I have to take it. There's no way I can't take it. There's no way I can avoid it. I have to take the white stag sign in Portland, Oregon, a.k.a. the Made in Oregon sign, a.k.a. the Portland, Oregon sign. Shining and shimmering with a little deer

jumping over the silhouette of Oregon as you enter the west side of Portland on the Burnside Bridge. We just got to walk past it the other day, man. That was so fun. All of us walking across the bridge, looking back like, ah. Oh, Bridgetown vibes.

It is amazing. Every Bridgetown vibes meet, it just is so important It means I'm home every time I see it When we're driving home from the airport But also every time I've walked over that bridge The Brody Theater was on the other side We lived on Ash

22nd and Ash The Brody Theater was on the other side of the bridge I would walk over that bridge to get to the Brody every time So it was just like Every I remember when I found out I got new faces in Montreal, I put

like, pulled over on the side of the Burnside, like I got the phone call while I was like on the Burnside Bridge, so I pulled over there, like it was like in the distance and everything, and it's just like, I don't know, it's been there for so many important big moments, so it feels like home, it also feels like excitement and progress to me.

And yeah, I love that bridge too and that sign. But one of them for me is like I was poor when I lived there. Oh yeah. Like, you know, like even walking across that bridge, like this isn't so

fucking bad, man. Like this, like like that's how that that's what that that that's what that reminds me it was like i'm gonna go across i'm gonna go across the bridge and i have i have five bucks i can have two beers yeah and like kind of enjoy like this was like portland was different than clearly but it was like i genuine like i remember thinking that like this is fucking great and like you can see all the other bridges and the lights in downtown and you can see the west hills a bit too which is so nice in any weather it's beautiful like when it's gorgeous

out it's gorgeous when it's like daytime night you can see the yeah the rain over the city and the other bridges and like the mist and everything it's just so beautiful and i i love that we have it i love that they like i guess shout out to the university of oregon for not changing it to say the university of oregon which would have pissed me off that would have it. I love that they like, I guess, shout out to the university of Oregon for not changing it to say the university of Oregon, which would have pissed me off. That would have been stupid. Cause they own it now. Cause it's on like their business school.

It used to be the, yeah. I love when they changed the nose on the deer for Christmas, even though I am a sweet, but it's very cute. Wait, you you're Jewish. A hundred percent.

Uh, Bermuda and everything. Um, yeah, it's just the, it's just the it's just the fucking best i love that sign it feels like home and it probably would like i don't think it would make any list you know what i mean out there of like the best landmarks in the u.s but for me

it's like a clear number one yeah totally no absolutely yep i couldn't i don't have that unfortunately not that anyone because like everybody knows that portland sign i think like it's it's pretty well known around the you know if you're not from portland even if you've never been here you know that portland sign it is a thing you see everywhere there yeah if you come to the town you're about if you come to portland you're bound to see that sign yeah yeah you're gonna see it yeah yeah i mean if you don't it's ridiculous it is it's sick it is sick you know i didn't even think about that that's awesome first thing i thought about dude yeah

first thing bro idiot i love it well it's chained towards this time my first pick i'm going to take the new yorker building in new york city like i it's iconic it's just a red neon sign on this massive building it just says the new is the New Yorker building and I don't know why but it like I saw it when I first came in the city and I was like oh Jesus Christ and then during the pandemic they would do rooftop shows oh yeah one of the rooftop shows the New Yorker building was like right in the background and I was like this is still the fucking greatest place like i still love it even though everything sucks i just i don't there's something about it like it like the way it hums and like i would like come into town and then like when i for the first couple years i was here when i would take buses

up to like upstate to do gigs at like other clubs and stuff yeah you the mega bus stop was like you in plain sight of the new yorker building you could always see it i'd be like fuck it you're here you're fine you're doing everything you're supposed to be doing like even though this sucks you know like it was kind of it was very um hopeful for me honestly i don't know how to say it other than that yeah yeah like it's like you're doing okay you're just, even though this isn't exactly what you want. That was your own personal, like New York landmark,

like, like you're here. Yeah. A lot of people, well, I probably pick other things I'm sure, but like that to me is one of the things I look at it and I'm like, yeah,

man, you're moving in the right direction. Like you ever been up in there, the New Yorker building now. Yeah. It's a hotel now, isn't it? I think so.

Oh, but the sign is there. So I guess it's really the sign that I, I, it was always a hotel. I it was always the new yorker hotel get yourself a night at the hotel big guy i don't think it's a nice hotel it's a window now you're a nice little boy it's a window you got wind of money i bet yeah yeah i said i don't know if it's a nice hotel oh a lot of a lot of new york landmarks are fucking shitholes nicola tesla lived there for 10 years 10 years the 1940s the 1950s the hotel was among new york's most fashionable the new york observer noted that in the building's heyday actors celebrities

athletes politicians mobsters the shady and the luminous the entire brooklyn dodgers roster during the glory seasons would stock the bars and ballrooms or romp upstairs. That sounds amazing. That's pretty good, buddy. Danny Goodman and Tommy Dorsey played there, dude. Spencer Tracy, Joan Crawford and Fidel Castro stayed there. Oh, Shane, you're in. Muhammad Ali recuperated there after the 1971 fight against Joe Frazier.

Come on. I just love the sign. It inspires me. Every time I see it, I feel good. I get a little more pep in my step. I really do. I love it. That juices me up.

I bruv it. As it is a serpentine draft, your second pick. Like a piano. I'm going to take Mount Rushmore because fuck that place. Yeah, Jim! That's where Rushmore cause fuck that place yeah Jim I mean it's that's where Sean's from and that place sucks I wanna own things

it's a bad thing to have blasted into the land of the people that you stole it from it's just it's a bad thing that aside if we can put that aside for a moment I understand that we're supposed to hate Mount Rushmore now for all those politically correct reasons.

And I'm not saying politically correct facetiously. I mean that. It totally makes sense. No, I understand. Of course. I do think it's kind of sick to blast someone's face into the side of a mountain. Have you ever been there?

No. It's crazy. It's crazy. You go that you pull up. Have you ever been there, Shane? No. crazy. It's crazy. You go that you pull up. Have you ever been there, Shane? No. Jesus. Why would I go to South Dakota?

You pull up and it's a lot smaller than you think it's going to be. But then you get out and it is, especially if you go at night, it's all lit up and it's pretty far away. It looks small, but you straight up, they look like the faces of the people. Their detail. And it's shocking where you're like somebody they just exploded that they didn't i mean they did get in there and chisel and shit but they exploded the faces into there and if you if you dig into it a little bit more

it's gutzenborglam and he wasn't a he wasn't a great guy he was a terrible guy and the whole reason he did it hold on is that his name or is this like some nickname you've given to one of your friends who's a bartender? Dude barfed all the time. Gutz and Borglum. Gutz and Borglum. His dad... I hope I'm not screwing this up. His dad thought he was gay.

And so the main reason that he did that was to prove to his dad that he wasn't gay. Yeah. There's nothing less gay than sculpting four men's faces into the side of a something created by god himself kind of defacing the look yeah god herself shane wake up okay you've been asleep you've been asleep for 40 years you're right he is straight god herself uh it's it's an insane thing to do but they do look like it looks they look good

yes they do it's awful i feel the same way like when i go to like the british museum and i'm like none of this is yours but it's cool that it's here like i guess it's cool that they were able to like blast someone's face in the side of a mountain all those years ago like this is uncanny like you can't know the skill set was a good dude or was lincoln was there still some bad stuff well i mean that nobody is a good dude nobody who was like in charge of a whole country back then like he ordered the deaths of like several yeah or signed the execution warrant on like a bunch of was it sioux indians even maybe i forget who yeah so he did okay nobody was nobody's and jefferson wasn't great to this day there's no president who's good i mean everything everybody has blemishes and like

whatever you know like they were especially bad back then because america was doing especially bad stuff but like i guess you have to well you don't have to do anything you can choose to perceive those people however you want taking it so i I can hire someone to change the faces on it and then turn it into the All Fantasy Everything logo art. Yeah. Nobody can get upset about that. No, they can't. Well, I have a few friends that might get

a little bummed about it, but yeah, they can kick rocks. It's time to take a long walk off a short period. I sure will. And I'll say it with some gusto, too. Some Gustav Borglund. Yeah, man. Mount Rushmore.

Wow. It's more of a spite pick, believe it or not. Sean Jordan doesn Gustav Borglund. Yeah, man. Mount Rushmore. Wow. It's more of a spite pick, believe it or not. Sean Jordan doesn't have it. That was a good spite pick. Yeah, it was a good spite pick and I'm not upset about it. I'm glad it went.

I'm glad it got picked. I'm glad it's on the board. It has to be, but I'm not the asshole that took it. So thanks for hopping on that grenade chain. Yep. Anything for you, Sean. Yep.

Ian, what's your second pick? The French Quarter in New Orleans. Ah. Oh. Never been. Is it? on that grenade chain yep anything for you sean yep and what's your second pick the french quarter in new orleans ah oh never been is it how big is it is it a few blocks is it like a big big place it's like a couple blocks um yeah it's yeah i've never been i mean it's it's amazing right you just i mean like frenchman street like in the french quarter it's again it goes to that like it's amazing. Right. You just, I mean like Frenchman street, like in the French quarter, it's again, it goes to that. Like it's a very European feeling place in the middle of the United States. Yeah. And there's energy bursting out at every single place if you want it

to be. And it's new ones is my favorite place. So yeah, mine too. Like, like Portland, of course, but like,

sure. New Orleans, the pace of it is um perfect i don't like like and the quarters part of it but like the whole city is it's just uh the whole city is amazing i wanted new orleans pick i was never going to take bourbon street i hate bourbon street bourbon street is gross every time i've been there it smells like barb street as far as a tourist attraction go does is exactly what it says it is yeah it does exactly what it says on the tin i'm sure there's a time and a place for it i'm just that time is in my past i was at it i'm going to it next week i think but uh or next month yeah i don't know i don't know if i'd like it the

french quarter i think you might like you would love bourbon street you would love it you're so you threw up red wine in Austin 20 minutes in. That was still, it's only been like five years, but it's been a long five years. Not in a bad way, but it's a different five years. It's not like from 25 to 30. That's true. Sean, I've been out with Sean a few times lately.

He knows when to lay up. I know when to fold them anymore. It's just kind of been forced into it, i i've still obviously would like you really want to fold them buddy i just kind of been forced into it i fucking love to fucking fold them dude it's fuck whatever go home at 10 fucking no big fucking deal but i think at some point i would have loved the the chaos of bourbon street the french quarter sounds a little more coordinated get a table french quarters there's like great it's still great bars it's still you can get as tore up as you want to there's like good food less crowds less like but it's like jazz there's just jazz pouring out of every fucking building everywhere you go it's like yeah you'll see a lot of fun

stuff man there's like people playing music on the street it's just the buildings are beautiful the architecture is beautiful there's like a distinct feeling when you go there, it's exciting. It feels like, I don't know. It's just, it's amazing. It's new.

That whole city is great. I think one, one of the things that is actually kind of rare about the French quarter is that it's a tourist attraction that locals, while they won't go to it, are very proud of it. Like, like, like, and they're like, it's a tourist attraction that locals, while they won't go to it, are very proud of it. Like, and they're like, it is a beautiful, cool place to see, but they're over it. You know, they're like, you know,

like they've seen plenty of ivy hanging plants and stuff like that. But I think it's like definitely a thing they take a lot of pride in and hate it when people treat it like shit, which is like what happens at Mardi Gras when people come down. But sure. It's just great. Right near the Marnier. Marnier? Oh, the Marnier. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta work

on that pronunciation for when you live there. I think it's pronounced Marinera. It's the big Marinera. Yeah. The big Cranberry and the big Marinera. I knew that was coming. Who fucks all that? I just bit my lip. Sean Jordan, tell me your second and your third picks as it is a serpentine draft man rush more off the board second pick still like one

honestly one of my favorite places i've ever been it just makes you feel amazing is the hollywood sign it's just it's and it's like like the Hollywood is fascinating. Every part about it to me is absolutely fascinating. It's this crazy machine that I still don't really understand and never will how it works, but it works. And then when you're standing up at the top of Griffith, then you see the Hollywood sign and then you look down and you look at Los Angeles and you're like, that's where all of this shit happens. You can see the whole place. And you're just like, that is it. And the Hollywood sign is like the gateway

to all of that stuff. And then like, if you're driving on, I don't want to say it's, if you're driving around Hollywood, wherever you're at, you can see it. And it just, it just, I don't know. It just gives you this feeling that it's possible. Like you see that sign, you're like, I can do it.

Whoever, whoever did it, they saw that same sign. Yeah, that that's what that's how i feel about the new yorker building and uh and whatever your version of that is that's another thing like that sign to me when i think about it there's so many all these emotions that i had living in los angeles the most depressed i've ever been the brokest i've ever been but then like in the best the best time some of the best times of my whole life in that city and it just it it'll completely make you figure yourself out and just like anywhere I'm sure but for me it was Los Angeles and Hollywood that sign is just a symbol of like all that shit and it's crazy yeah for me it's always just however my career is going is how I perceive that view absolutely where you look at it and you're like fuck that sign if it's bad and i'm looking down i'm like oh fuck all these people are trying to make it at the same time yeah it's fucking thousand there's ants they look like but then

when something dope happens you look at that sign you're like i did it i'm one of the people that made it yeah you look at that sign and you're like oh yeah dude that's what i'm yeah it's just it's that that when you see that thing for the first time when you see that hollywood sign for the first time i don't know i tim i don't care who you are you're going to feel a little bit that way even if you had even if you're a retired surgeon you're gonna be like i don't i could probably be in a sitcom you know you're just it just does it to you you're gonna search and yeah ken jong yeah yeah yeah well there you got one specifically ken jong now famed right winger for a former a-list actor james woods was supposed to be an optical surgeon was he yeah he would

have been a great optical surgeon yeah well at least then only some people would have to hear what he says yeah i've given bad news that guy yeah you, he can't, I can't open your third eye. Unfortunately, you can see that. Oh, let's go. Brandon is, is ruining the country.

I just found out about let's go, Brandon. It's so, if I'm, if I'm correct, it's people that are too scared to swear, but they want everyone to know that they do not. Cause it's right.

Everybody was saying, fuck Joe Biden. And it sounded like let's go, Brandon. And so that's what the let's go, Brandon thing is yeah yeah that's what how cowardly could you be you know how it started right somebody was chanting fuck joe biden and then the reporter or something at a nascar race but they heard it on they could hear it on the telecast yeah and so so the announcement was no, they're saying let's go Brandon. Cause I guess that was like a, but I'm saying if you're going to be one of,

if you're going to be somebody who has that heart of an opinion, why mask it in your, in your cheeky little let's go Brandon. You're being a coward, dude. I'm not saying you got to like anyone, but don't be so weak about it. Flying.

Let's go. Brandon flag. Come on, bro. That's insane to me it's kind it's cowardly i just it made me say bro i haven't said bro in a while that just made me say bro is your next pick the insurrection of january 6th that wasn't a landmark that was a that was a societal landmark a landmark in history can we pick those buddy you got you got you pulled that

off and i did he wishes he could revisit it all I need is some shitty bot to get their hands on that and think I'm serious and then find out I'm not and then it's going to be a bummer. Yeah, so the Hollywood sign. And then the third pick for me is my favorite Oregon thing that I've been a part of it. For me, it symbolizes a part of my life,

like the next chapter that started, and it's Multnomah Falls it was one of the when I was driving from Sioux Falls to Portland I was super scared and depressed that thing like a huge life change and I had never really lived anywhere else I was driving and it was raining and it was super shitty and I just felt like I don't know I didn't know if I was doing the right thing I didn't have any money I didn't have any reason to come out here other than Tori and Adam living here but I didn't know. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I didn't have any money. I didn't have any reason to come out here other than Tori and Adam living here, but I didn't know you guys yet. It turns out it was the best decision I ever made in my whole life. I can't imagine

not having done that. But Multnomah Falls is one of the first things I saw. I saw it on that drive and I was like, holy shit, that's insane that this is where I'm going to live. That's right here. And then it would be just like something we would go do all the time when people were visiting we'd be like oh let's take a trip go into the falls and we'd go see show people the falls and to me it's just like early portland also a more or less a free thing which is when you're again when you're like getting in port yeah well like i'm just saying outside of like driving but like yeah like it's so i first time i saw that place i was like are you fucking kidding me like it is insane yeah and it's a big deal for me it's like a symbol of like life change because you you

know look at you too you're like my brothers and i would do and i if it if it weren't for moving to portland i never well we would have met but it would have been at some comedy festival hammered and that might have been the end of it or who knows maybe it would have blossomed into a great friendship as well but as it stands moving to portland can't imagine my life any different and that's what i think of when i every time i see multnomah falls i think of that i think of adam i think of tori i think of all the people i've met here and it's great i love it i'm so spoiled growing up in the pacific northwest i know dude we didn't have shit because When I see Mount Hood or Multnomah Falls, I'm like, yeah, outside.

Yeah, that's what outside looks like. Same shit, different day. That's what I think of when I see the curvature of the earth. I'm like, yeah, outside. Oh, that's amazing. What? Outside? I don't know if it's like how New Yorkers never go to the Statue of Liberty,

but we never went to Multnomah Falls or anything like that. It was just there, I guess. What's the thing if it's like a but how new yorkers never go to the statue of liberty but like we never went to moldoma falls or anything like that it was just there i guess we never think of it's always there so you think you will we did it all the time i mean there's people in south dakota that have never been around rushmore that kind of shit where you're like that's a shitty landmark though i know i own it well it means you got a shitty draft pick jerk moldoma falls is cool though people do it is breathtaking plus you're about to enter either you're leaving or you're about to enter the columbia gorge yeah which is just like fucking amazing shockingly beautiful yeah there's a did you ever read that book the rum diary no oh yeah i did i did actually the hunter thompson book I can't stop laughing.

See, now this is what it was like for me when your voice was all low. Oh, no, this is much better because you're done. In that book that Sean and I read, there's a line in it where they're driving along the coast because it takes place in the san juan islands in like puerto rico not up north but uh okay and there there's a

line in it where like he's like kind of marveling over how pretty it is and the guy who's driving marbling marbling yeah like marbling on a steak marbling on a steak beautiful marbling beautiful beautiful marbling on this meat but there's a line in it when he goes he goes like he's like just can't believe how beautiful it is he goes oh god was in a good place when he put this place oh god was in a good mood when he put this place together oh yeah that's what i think of like uh what's what i think of when i see the gorge like i really i think it's like it's like i'm saying man one of those places where you think this can't be an accident can't be random.

I mean, it's are you are you soft launching religious, Sean? What's going on here? This talk to me in a couple of years. I'll be religious. You know, you don't talk to him Sunday. Well, that's the Lord. Nobody. My oven doesn't even talk to me on Sunday, dude.

Everything's off, which your oven with with whom you normally have a very vibrant and robust uh communication those tombstone pizzas don't make themselves buddy yeah somebody somebody's got to feed max yeah her mom i am out of the house no you know what i mean when you see something so gorgeous and you're like god gorgeous there it is columbia gorge col Gorgeous. No, Jaffield. Jaff provides Jaffield. You can get your gorgeous bumper stickers at AFE.com. Ithaca. Malt.

It's gorgeous. Noma. All. Loveless. That's a good pick. Thanks, bro. That's a good pick.

All right. Okay. What's your next pick, Ian? I'm going to take, in Humboldt county perhaps my favorite place on earth is it where you got your first drug rug it's when i got it's when i got when i got into i got a drug rug and i got my first uh modesty yahoo tape uh

is the founder's grove of redwood treesrees in Humboldt County. I just, I like, I I don't know if this is Cornwall or whatever. I feel so like filled up by those areas. By like, just like Northern California specifically. Just like those huge old forests that have been

there forever. and like the mist in the in the trees and everything like it feel like i don't know when i'm there i just feel very connected and centered and good and like kind of makes you believe in god maybe no but no a little bit it doesn't make you kind of feel like there's it'll be fun in heaven to look down on this a little bit i don't know i'm afraid where this is going it's gonna go to religious sean and religious ian having fun together it's not going religious ian i'll tell you that but i i'm i'm sorry religious ian all right i crossed the line and i see where the line is now and i will firmly jump back on the other side of it

no i tell you i just love those i just love trees. They put me in such a good, but mellow good mood. That's the fun part about some of these is when it can make you feel, Hollywood sign not so much, but like the Golden Gate or something like that where you're just like, ah, you just feel good. You feel calm. Yeah. Feel mellow. It might be my favorite single place on the planet.

I get it. Yeah. And they're so big. That's it. They make you feel small, like some other stuff where yeah and they're so big that's it another they make you feel small like like you know like some other stuff where it's like whoa man there's um i'm i'm tiny yeah like sometimes scale will just be like enough to put you into like a humble place and like not scared which is kind of an interesting place oh god damn it. A gorgeous, humble place. I got to do it with everyone.

Yeah. You know what you can do when you're around big redwood trees? You know, it's pretty funny. I know what you're about to say, and I hate you so much. You lay on the ground, and you have somebody position the camera as such to where it looks like that could be, if you were a lunatic, your penis. And then when you crop the photo, you rotate it 90 degrees to the right or left, depending on if you want to be standing on your head

with a rock-hard boner or your feet with a rock-hard boner. And then you put it on Instagram, you put it on your grid, and you say like, had a rough time in the woods or something like that. You know?

And then, you know. Went to Humboldt and got wood. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, Woody Harrelson is my new best friend. One of those kind of things, you know and then you know went to went to went to humble and got wood yeah yeah you're like woody woody harrelson is my new best friend one of those kind of things you know yeah or like check my dick out brevity is the soul of wit so yeah i think like i've been doing crunches things like that what if this was my dick wouldn't be funny if my dick was this big no i'm just playing that is a bumper sticker that could very much be at a gas station like an unfold like what if this tree was my dick that'd be i mean i'd buy it and put it on nothing but oh my god my boy ryan he owns a uh like a t-shirt company and he

i have to share this because uh it's called anxious and angry so you know it goes gets they have great shit but as a joke he made a hat that said jet fuel can't melt still beams or this big old dick did you not send a picture of that the other day i did yeah i think i forgot i did yeah and he said he sold so many of them like it's hilarious that's so funny yeah if i could wear it and people would get it you should put it on you should put it on max's next baby picture i don't think they're gonna get it around here you can't wear it to church sean so i don't know where you're gonna wear it so you're like starting to go to church and Cool. So like when you go to like the falls and stuff, it's kind of make you feel like maybe there is a God

and it's all like this means something. Can't be an accident. Yeah. So tight, man. We'll just, next time you're up, we'll skip the standard and then we'll go to like church or something. But we can go at night if it's better for you.

Whatever, you know, whatever you're feeling. Whatever you want to do. I'm not going to let this happen. Whatever gets us both. How much church is going to be at this happen. Whatever gets us both. How much church is going to be at this wedding? I don't want... I'm going to be marrying him, so not a drop. Yeah, thank God.

Yeah. No, I mean, thank God that there's no church. Thank God that there's not going to be much church at your wedding. You ever been to one of them gnarly Catholic weddings where it's like two hours? No. Those shits are gnarly, dude. You get your fucking core workout in on those things.

Yeah, it's church. It's church. It's like a longer church and then a long ceremony. So like it's a whole mass and then the ceremony, which is pretty long itself. Sheesh. My mother was in a Russian Orthodox Catholic wedding. And she said it was like three and a half hours. She was a bridesmaid.

She's like, I was just standing there while they spoke Russian. Fuckers. My God. Malt Nova Falls. There's this fucker over there. There's this fucker up in a place

called heaven. Don't let those fuckers in, dude. He's a good fucker. Fuck everything up. Shane Twardy, it. He's a good fucker, though. You're going to fuck everything up. Shane Twardy, it's time for your third and your fourth picks. I am going to pick the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland. Oh, international.

I like it. What happened there? The first time I remember going to Ireland with my mom and my brothers, they took us to the beach, and I'd seen it in movies and stuff because it's just kind of a famous but like uh that woman to take the three of you to to a beach bless her my aunties were with us

she had her fucking backup she's fine you three little wild loose cannons yeah i've never seen this before it's beautiful the water is freezing. Of course. I have two vivid memories. My little brother, I guess he might have been eight at most. He came out of the water and he ran into my auntie Ann's arms because he was so cold. He said, my balls feel like ice cubes.

She was like, these are the most American children I've ever seen in my life. Oh my gosh. This place is absolutely gorgeous. Yeah, there's a famous story about it's like a fable, but about a girl. She was so forlorn. She lost her love. She threw herself off the cliffs and then God, like the wind blew her back up on the cliff because it's like very you know, it's a beach. There's a lot of wind.

Forlorn means upset yeah kind of more than that okay but that yeah bondant but it's like it's like a sweet story about like you know always having hope essentially to me so i always like that too yeah and my mom liked it like what happened in aladdin but without the magic carpet pretty much yeah yeah yeah yeah he was forlorn yeah god saved that girl he was like you're free now genie and then she was like yeah shane you really man we keep trying but um she was like you're free now genie yeah god yeah yeah you need to kind of break out of this mold that you've been you've been thinking of your whole life kind of in the same ways or like tunnel vision

you know, the sooner you can understand that God is a woman, the sooner, you know, we'll all be better off. I'm the last guy who, I'm the last person who thinks God is a man in that way. It's progressive.

Yeah. Yeah. Look at you. You flipped it on. It's here. Yeah. I stood in this place so long. I stood in front of,

I stood in this place so long. I stood in front of everybody. Everybody came back around to stand behind me. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Speaking of back around to stand behind me. Speaking of tunnel vision, Sean, the Fort Pitt Tunnel going into Pittsburgh is one of the coolest views

you'll ever see of a city. Really? I've never even heard of this. Is this your pick? No, this is my fourth pick. I did not think Pittsburgh was going to come up at all in this draft. Pittsburgh, I draft. Pittsburgh is... Pittsburgh, I said. I said Pittsburgh.

Pittsburgh, nice. It's, um, you come in, like, you're kind of just driving through the woods of Pennsylvania, and then you come in through this tunnel, and you see the whole... It's like that beginning of The Simpsons, when you go into the TV set and you see the whole town. It's

very much like that. Like, it is so fucking beautiful. And Pittsburgh actually, uh, the topography is a lot like Portland, like a lot of rivers, a lot of bridges. Uh, what's this tunnel called?

The Fort Pitt tunnel, I believe is the one I'm thinking of. Yeah. But I'm watching a YouTube video right now of someone emerging from it. It's a long ass tunnel huh yeah i think it's like is it the long boy the entrance doesn't look fun the entrance looks like you're going into a bunker that's wild dude but yeah okay wow all of a sudden you're in the city it's pretty cool right yeah yeah unfortunately that city is pittsburgh it's a great town i hear

it's great yeah if david was here he would disagree with you he was he was just there and and said pittsburgh he hated it he did not like it ben harkins told me about what yinzers i never heard the term yeah they have they have their own language i never heard that and they'll say yinz and some dude even hit me up no shade dude hit me up on instagram and said yinzon i was like no way it's like y'all or um i guess y'all would be the only thing i can equate it to yeah and there's like there's like nebbies which are a nebby's like a nosy neighbor like you're being very yeah see i love that shit man like when ben told me answers i was like what i mean it's a real cool town especially i think i would love p. Yeah. Well, people talk shit about the way I talk all the time.

So it's like I love meeting a whole new kind of slang is tight. Yeah. One of my favorite. Who's it? The common heart. This guy is my friend Clinton's band. Really good. Met them there.

Nice guy. And I went to a Steelers game once and probably the funnest sporting event I've ever been to in my entire life. I bet, dude, because that's like a that's kind of a one horse. I mean, I guess they have the Penguins and the Pirates. Never mind. But like it is crazy about the Steelers. Yeah. And it was like it was a Sunday night game.

And the whole town is like, folks, it's like high school football in Texas, but for a whole a major city. Yeah. high school football in Texas, but for a whole, a major city. Yeah. And I may have told this story on this podcast before, but it was after the synagogue shooting at the tree of life in Pittsburgh. Yep. It was the week after and they unfurled the Steelers banner logo, but instead of the diamonds, they were stars of David.

Oh, and I like everybody was like you know like screaming like it was awesome it like you know like and it's like tough old steel workers with not like who can't grow fingernails anymore were like nodding in approval and stuff they were like well i don't approve of them but i wouldn't have gone that far. That's pretty much what, yeah. But I thought, I mean, but it was such an experience. Uh, it's like going into that city every time I feel there.

Yeah. Like every time I go there, like I like, I love this certain like views of Chicago like that, where you like come over a hill and then all of a sudden you see like this massive city in the distance. That's always really cool. Well,

like in Chicago, I think is one of those ones where like when you're walking new york is great and it has a great skyline but when you're walking around in chicago there's enough space to see everything yeah because the buildings there's room in between them yeah yeah and so that's so fucking gorgeous especially when you're going over the river or the well street or journey that kind of i'll be there tomorrow chicago chicago yeah i'll go to see the ladies fam going to see the ladies fam? Going to see the ladies fam for Pesach, Passover, if you will I will, I will

Yeah, Ivan Carmel flying out for the occasion By the way, dude, that photo you posted Dana posted Yeah, spitting image of your poppy Yeah, he was wearing all white linen at a garden evoking Ivan Carmelmel uh-huh yeah i i like ivan

carmel yeah i am okay is he coming to the wedding yeah wait is he i think so your wedding he's coming to my wedding is he i think he's coming to mine i'm pretty sure did you invite him are you sure he doesn't have are you sure he doesn't have a scuba session he might have a scuba session i'm pretty sure i did i lost track of the invites, but I'm sure I did. Might be up at Squim. Yeah. Fort Pitt Tunnel. Time for my fourth pick,

which we'll get to right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Policy Genius. Policy Genius,

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Did it freeze? It did. It's fun to do sometimes, though. No, I want you to take a bite of that Apple ASMR for people. You know what I am learning about during this draft is that everything is about like, it's so rarely about the actual landmark, but about where you're going to be how it makes you feel man what you're doing yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah i'm going to take now in lahaina maui the lahaina banyan tree which is now my second tree pick yeah wow ian carmel friend of the earth uh it's a big ass banyan tree in the middle of lahaina and maui and i i just i love hawaii

and i we went there when i was a kid a couple times uh because you know the carmels were doing all right okay i'm gonna let you know you know but uh no we went to we went to maui a couple times and it just reminds me of like those family vacations. That looks like a bug. Yeah. It's crazy big, right? It looks like a bug you said? What's it called? A banyan tree. The Lahaina banyan. Is there one specific one?

P-A-N-Y-A-N. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just saying it looks like it's all spread out like a spider or something. If I'm looking at the right one. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

It's like a bug coming out of the ground to me. It's amazing. I'm just saying. Yeah, I'll take it. No, it's all right. No, it's cool. It's cool. It's cool.

It's cool. It's cool. You took a bug. It's fine. Man, that's a good climbing tree. I'll tell you what. It better not climb on it. It's a fucking national landmark.

Well, I'm a Howley. I can't do anything. Yeah, you can't. You can sit there and shut the fuck up and get off our island. Touch it, Howley. I think there are other banyan trees there. This is like this big one. It's beautiful.

It's old and like, yeah. And like really like stretches out and it's huge and everything. Yeah, that's real dank. It's over 150 years old and it's just in like a cool like courtyardy place you can sit around it just feels very like on those like warm dewy like hawaiian nights you know you're getting you're eating like a coconut macadamia nut ice cream walking around that banyan tree maybe you just ate at jimmy buffett's cheeseburger in paradise you're having a great night. It's fucking gorgeous.

What provokes this in you? What does it provoke? The banyan tree? I just think it's beautiful. I really like it. I wanted to pick something that evoked the lovely time I spent in Hawaii on various vacations. This one sort of captured it for me. I just love it.

If I'm seeing it, good stuff is happening. Yeah. You know, I'm never like seeing the Lahaina Banyan tree because shit's bad. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like pure relaxation. I've really come to.

I didn't go on any. I went on vacations when I was a kid and much like Oregon, I never really appreciated them. And then once we started comedy, I never went on a vacation that wasn't for work. Same. Up until like the last couple years. And then finally went on a couple trips where I was like, I'm not doing standup. You travel so much and you never see anything when you do standup. And you never see anything.

You never do any touristy stuff. Sometimes you go to a museum in the day, you know. Go to a bar maybe, you know. Yeah, but it's always for work. And like, I've really come to appreciate you need to know somebody there too like to really get shit for that from all my friends like never never they call it working vacations because i only go where they're going if i can like schedule a show but it just works like that sometimes man it's hard to yeah convince

yourself to take a week or whatever but i think it's important. I do it now. I'd go on just vacation vacations. Then it's like, oh, this is, this is nice. It actually is relaxing. Yeah. I've done that twice in like 20 years.

Yeah. Yeah. I do it, but it's going to Sioux Falls. It ain't relaxing. I mean, it is, but it's like your liver's working on those.

Yeah. T Jax, baby. Nope. Never again. David's alive. Oh, David's alive. Youid's alive you just texted okay diet what do you say uh it was torrid i guess maybe the weather he's referring to the love affair i said i hope he's having a tour in new york love affair and he said it was to read the text did you read them all just now i can't we can't read that anyway no no we can't we can't anyway anyway. Anyway. No, no, we can't. We can't. Anyway. Anyway. That's okay.

Everything's okay. Yes. Everything's okay. And it's a very funny, typically, David story. And we will get to... Everybody listening, I'm sure that you will hear however much of this David wants to tell you. These texts are coming in in real time and it's so funny.

Yeah. David will tell you whatever he wants to tell you about the text that we're reading. Next week. Yeah. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth text that we're reading. Next week. Yeah. Sean Jordan, time for your fourth and then your final pick. Fourth pick. It's not great, but for me, it's great. And it's a funny one.

There's signs all over the world for this place. It's in South Dakota, so I still get to go for my homeland. It's the first landmark I ever went to ever in my whole life. It's in the middle of South Dakota on I-90 and it's a little place called Wall Drug. Is it the world's biggest drugstore? It's the world's biggest drugstore.

It is a shithole and there's nothing amazing about it. There's nothing worth going to other than the fact that there's nothing else around for miles and miles and miles and you need to to break that drive up. And when you go there, you're just like, well, this is stupid, but it's not. It's also very funny. It's fun for the family. It's just hilarious that you've been there once and then you're done with it. And it's this little town of wall. It's not a big town. They don't make any money from tourism. I swear to God,

because there's nothing there that's expensive.'s just funny it's just funny that there's signs there's a sign like famously in the middle of the atlantic ocean on a buoy for wall drug there's signs everywhere for it what yeah there's bumper stickers everywhere for wall drug i've seen those there's a there's a buoy in the middle of the ocean saying like 2 000 miles to wall drug or something like that yeah there's like they put up signs that's a great sense the middle of the ocean saying like 2,000 miles to Waldrug or something? Something like that, yeah. And there's like, they put up signs. That's a great sense of humor. That's an awesome pic.

Oh, there's one in Antarctica. Waldrug of South Dakota, USA. Free ice water, 9,333 miles. It's like, it's just so funny. And then you go there and it is, man, you are five minutes and you're like, okay, I got it. You might get yourself a hat or something, but it's tight. It was featured in Nomadland, right? Yeah.

If you got a Waldron t-shirt on, somebody's going to be like, all right. Like that's a. Yeah. You did it. You did. You took, you honestly advertised free ice water and you made it kind of a world famous thing. So, you know, not a ton to say about it, but it's just hilarious to me.

That's a great pick. It's very funny. That was my fourth. Fifth pick. I got to go skateboarding. No, Sean. That's a great fifth pick. Stop.

You're done. I have to go with skateboarding. This is the, for me, the one skateboard landmark that made me, the first time I saw it, I was just shocked. I couldn't believe that I was there.

It's called, so it's called Justin Herman Plaza. It's in the Embarcadero district of San Francisco and all skateboarders have just called it EMB. And it's, if you ever played Tony Hawk pro skater, if you're in San Francisco, it's like the left, the part of San Francisco with all the ledges, it's like red brick ground. And they used to have this thing called the C block in the middle. It had the guns gap, but it's just like where, in my opinion, and a lot of opinions, but in my opinion, modern street skating formed itself in two places and EMB is one of them where it's just the right people, the right skill level, and they just invented all these tricks. They skated all the time. The stories from there are amazing. And when you go there as a skateboarder,

you just feel like you're part of it. Just the second you walk onto the ground, you're like, oh, like there's a part on the ground where Andy Pitt showed me where there's a bunch of marks from all, everybody used to hit the stairs at this one spot and all of their wheel marks, you can still see on the ground.

So it's like everybody, Eric Koston, Mike Carroll, all these people that molded skateboarding, that's where one of the places they did it so to me it's like hallowed ground hallowed yeah hallowed marble it's marbled ground bro it's marble ground it's weird that there's a thing named after justin you know like a guy named justin yeah i don't i don't know who justin herman was or is but well was i'm sure but you know justin herman was i don't think so should Should I? I have no idea. Yeah. He was like a famous San Francisco city commissioner who actually is the reason the bridge is built. You could be lying, man.

You sound so believable. I could be. And look at me. Is he telling the truth? I don't know. I don't know. I could be. I don't believe you.

And I don't believe it could be. And I am. I don't believe you. I think you're lying. You're good. You, you're good. You, you're good. You.

That was a good lie though. Yeah. Yeah. EMB Embarcadero. Just that, that, that little area when, when you go there you you're good you that was a good lie though yeah emb embarked there just that that that little area when when you go there you must be right yeah but you know you don't i don't know i feel weird skating there kind of i feel it's fun where you just go and it's just like where the rollerbladers do at emb uh i think at the time i don't even know if rollerbladers would even dare i honestly don't

think they would skaters got their asses kicked when they went there sometimes i don't even really what would happen if i went rollerbladed there today nothing in my little outfit people are so much more inclusive now that i don't think anybody would care it'd be nobody you know unless you walked up and said some shit but no nobody like most rollerbladers like i think like skateboarders know that rollerbladers shouldn't be there but i feel like if anyone's on rollerblades because they're just on the embarcadero it's just somebody out for a for a sunny little afternoon if you're gonna roll if you're a rollerblader getting some exercise the embarcadero is one of the thoroughfares you're going to frequent i imagine you know that's one of the thoroughfares you're going to frequent

you think i'm not out here putting up fucking numbers dude someone's been reading max's books i read the rum diary you didn't you hear that earlier i don't like to ring my own bell there but you know ring ding ding all right anyway uh the embarcadero that'd be my um my last pick i think that's a lovely pick thanks but uh bud. Time for my final pick then, huh? Yeah. All right. I got a stick. Okay.

Well, yeah. I'm going to take Haystack Rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon. Oh, great pick. Yeah, dude. Is that the Goonies Rock? Yeah. Big fucking rock just on the beach in Cannon Beach, Oregon. Cute little ocean side town.

The Oregon coast, one of the, in fact, I shouldn't even talk about it right now. Don't go. Don't fuck it up for the rest of us. Don't go to the Oregon coast. No, for real. The Oregon coast is one of the best places in the world. And people just don't really know about it. Haystack Rock was going to be one of my picks too.

So beautiful. It's just like, it's like, you can't believe how big it is I was going to, Haystack Rock was going to be one of my picks too, but I So beautiful. It's just like it's like you can't believe how big it is. It's freestanding. There's like it's not part of a range. It was but now it's just like this massive rock and it's amazing. It's so cute. It's such a great like also the Oregon Coast. What's good

about it? Any weather it rocks. If it's rainy, it's like dramatic and beautiful and moody. If it's sunny, if you're lucky enough to be be out there then it's perfect because it's like sandy beaches uh yeah the oregon coast is one of the best places one of those people who thinks it's i don't know some people they're like i don't know isn't isn't the coast shitty in oregon it's it's absolutely gorgeous you just gotta wear a raincoat or something you know you gotta have a condom on if you're gonna be there like i like one of my favorite drives is 26 out to the coast oh yeah like because when you start a little you want to set aside a little it's like three it's longer than you think it's twistier

and turnier than you think it's gonna be so give yourself a minute take your time yeah take your time don't be in a rush two hours it's not three hours yeah no but it's it's like and all you want to stop stop a couple places there's like a hours. It's not three hours. Yeah. No, but it's like, you want to stop? Stop a couple places. There's like a couple, like those burger diners and like burger spots or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a place outside of McMinnville where you can get like all this dope jelly and syrup and stuff.

The farmland that you kind of like you drive through is like pretty much a straight shot before it gets bendy. Yeah. The farmland out there, the pastures,

you can just see like it just grow like it's just so i don't know there's farmhouses everywhere and there's just like clover and stuff growing out in the fields and it's just like it's so fucking stunning and you're like well the windows need to be down right now like that yeah like you have like and it smells clean and uninterrupted. On a summer day? Oh my god. When you're going west on 26 past Beaverton, you have to have the windows down because you steer with your knees both middle fingers out the window.

Just letting everybody know what you think of Beaverton. And then as soon as you get to Hillsborough, take them back and start flipping off behind you because Beaverton's behind you at that point. Unless you're coming... You tell Max in the back to raise your fingers. Unless you're coming east and then you want to stop flipping Beaverton off when you at that point. Unless you're coming. You tell Max in the back to raise your fingers. Unless you're coming east, and then you want to stop flipping Beaverton off

when you get to the tunnel. And then, you know, you're good. What was your action, Ian? You're lucky we're friends. And not because I would do something to you, but because I'm the only thing standing in between you and the wrath of Beaverton right now. Ian's the chief, but he can't control the tribe.

You understand? Everyone knows we're friends. So the most I can do is say, hey, he's in a weird place right now. He doesn't know what he's saying and hope that Beaverton understands. We're in Mean Streets and I'm De Niro and you're Keitel. You live in a suburb of Beaverton right now.

So I don't know why the fuck you're popping off the lip like that. Yeah. I'm fucking crazy, bro. It's the top of the food chain, dude. I didn't make that the fuck you're popping off the lip like that. Yeah. Top of fucking crazy. The top of the food chain, dude. I don't, I didn't make that up.

That's science. Oh, I'm crazy, man. I'm crazy. Crazy with an X. How crazy do Beaverton crazy? I didn't think so.

All right, I'll stop. I take it back. Beaverton. Great pick. Ian's fine. Beaverton is fine. Hey,

stack rock and cannon beach. Beach check it out if you can it's beautiful Shane time for your final pick the final pick of the draft my final pick will also be in New Orleans it is City Big Lake and City Park it's by the Art Museum isn't that what they call you and Sean Patton when you're there together

Big Lake and City Park it is my favorite place on earth like without a doubt big lake really yeah you get in a little swan boat and paddle around i do not do that but i like i walk the lake or i run i run around it the sculpture garden's right by there you can run behind the museum and there's beignets behind the museum so if it's raining you can get stuck under and you can sit on the porch of the museum have a cup of coffee eat a beignet and just look out at this most stunning park in the world even though it's flooding and like i truly just don't know how like every every time i'm there i feel like so grateful and perfect and like every person

i see there is just loving it and it's twice the size of Central Park too I heard from a couple people that live in New Orleans that in everything Ben Yagel is the same price as a regular Ben Yagel now can you can you confirm that I hope you trip when you stand up over that over that big sequoia that I got you saw the picture on Instagram people like the joke people like the joke people like the joke people like everything ben yagel oh man come on that's funny it's pretty good i think i have my uh i think i have my dish for uh jazz fest on makeup now though oh have you seen everything everywhere all at once yet no i'm not a lot of everything in that movie no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Is it going to be a big movie? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll finally get my Oscar. You didn't get it when you wrote Green Book?

Did that not win Best Screenplay? Well, I had to. Sean did the punch up on the racist jokes. Okay, that's right. See, now we've been saying funny stuff this whole time, Shane. And then Ian and I have uh i love that part yeah dan and i went to that park when we were in new orleans in october and uh the the the tree with all the wind chimes in it is amazing it's beautiful isn't it and it's like yeah and the sculpture

garden and the art the art museum is great and that sculpture garden is like out of this world it's so beautiful yeah i just like every time i'm there for whatever reason i just it fits me like a glove it's perfect and you go right over the canal which is nice and uh you can ride those blue bikes around there yeah and you can run and you can also like if you're going down i don't know if it's i don't know what street it is honestly that you you go you couldn't come to this neighborhood with all these great houses and stuff yeah yeah uh the uh the s1 i think it's esplanade it might be esplanade i think it is there's that artist who used to live there the french one who did the ballerinas yeah but uh yeah that there's like i post every time i'm there i take a picture at the park and go run it's like i don't know how to say it other than that but i

just think it's the most perfect place in the world. Like I really do. One of these days I'll be there with you too. And, uh, it'll be exciting. Yeah. We should go for your bachelor party.

We're not going to, if I have a bachelor party, we're going to the coast and we're just going to sit in a house and look at the ocean. That's lovely. I mean, I'm just play board games. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Pass me some more of Play board games. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pass me some more of that board game. Cut me up some more of that board game. Love that board game. That's the final pick. Big Lake and City Park and New Orleans.

Marissa, do you have a pick? Yeah. I'm going to take the Egyptian pyramids. Ooh, yeah. Whoa. Have you seen them? Have you been to Egypt, Marissa? I have not, but I would going to take the Egyptian pyramids. Oh, yeah. Have you seen them? Have you been to Egypt, Marissa? I have not, but I would love to. It's crazy that they've been there for

four and a half thousand years and it's just some pharaoh's tomb. Imagine having a tomb that is that big for that many years. Yeah, it's so crazy. Dinosaurs didn't knock them down either because they were there at the same time. Well, the world's only been around for 2,500 years, so it's weird that they've been there longer. If you look, Marissa, at the other end of the world's only been around for 2500 years so it's weird that they've been there longer if you look marissa at the other end of it though there's like it's you can see

like the city that's real close to it which is such a weird thing to see because it's is it and then what city is it yeah it's just like a tour oh is it i thought it was just like tourist areas for but whatever it is there's like a mcdonald's sign and shit you can just see stuff there which is so funny looking yeah oh yeah Oh, yeah. I'm looking at it. That is a very funny angle. Yeah. Great pick. To recap, what are we doing here?

What are we doing? Sean, you went first. You took the Golden Gate Bridge and the Hollywood sign, Multnomah Falls, Waldrug, and Justin Herman Plaza. I went second. I took the White Stag sign, the French Quarter, Founders Grove, Lahaina Banyan Tree, and Haystack Rock Shane, you went last. You took the New Yorker building Mount Rushmore, The Cliffs

of Moher Fort Pitt Tunnel and Big Lake and City Park in New Orleans. We left some good stuff on the board Crater Lake in Oregon, of course. Yeah, that was one of my on my list too. Sleeping Beauty's Castle in Disneyland

Oh, that would have of my on my list too. Sleeping Beauty's Castle in Disneyland. Oh, that would have been a good one. The castle's a good one. That would have been mmm. I loved it. I went to Disneyland again last year and I loved it. I thought I was going to hate it. I had a great time. Half Moon Bay, California. Oh yeah, Half Moon Bay. Was the Grand Canyon too big or does that count?

I don't know. I think that counts maybe. I was wondering about that. It's not like you don't win by volume on this podcast. It's not most surface area. I'm drafting the galaxy. The moon. The Hollywood Theater in Portland, Oregon for sentimental reasons. Home of Funny Over Everything.

Yeah, we just talked about that the other day with Kara. Kara Clank, yeah. Wasn't that Shane Torres' show? And we had to correct her quickly. Quickly. The crazy horse statue in South Dakota? Yeah, crazy horse. I've never been there. So, well, yeah,

I have. I don't really remember it or know anything about it, and it doesn't hit me away, so I didn't pick it. But it is huge. I wish they'd fucking finish it. They won't give me any money, I think, is what's going on. Madison Square Garden was one of the... Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Ernest Hemingway's house in Key West is pretty cool. Yeah. It's not what actually sucks. The St. Louis Arch. Has it've been up in it man it's so scary you can feel it moving it's terrifying when you're up in that elevator i was just like yeah i went to it and i was looking i was looking at it and i was like

oh i only came here because people told me i had to this place sucks gateway to the west man yeah i mean if you're in St. Louis, you know, whatever. But there's not a ton of stuff you're going to get out and do. So yeah, it's definitely worth it. I guess there's the Arch. There's that place where Keon was dying. It's Air Force Ones. Yeah, yeah. You go to

Murphy Lee's house. Oh, City Museum's the place you go in St. Louis. That's a cool spot. City Museum's like a five-level skate park or some shit in there. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I've been to it. Yeah, there's a ton of stuff. That's a cool spot. There's like a five-level skate park or some shit in there. Yeah, it's crazy. I've been to it. Yeah, there's a ton of stuff. It's like a Science Dave and Busters. Oh, fun. Kind of like a Better Omzi?

Yes. Well, heck, we want to hear your picks, so hit us up at AllFantasyPod on Twitter. AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. Shout out to everyone on the AFE Shaslackity, the subreddit.

Shout out to super producer Marissa Melnick. Extra bonus draft pick for the CN Tower with Drake sitting on it exclusively. Absolutely. As far as landmarks go. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beatsats and more important than all of that

tune in again next week to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything Black Kitty Thank you that was a hate gun podcast