All Fantasy Everything - Las Vegas (w/ Zach Harper, Sean Jordan, David Gborie)

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

Roll the dice w the GVG this week! We invited on the king of Lost Wages himself Zach Harper to draft, you guessed it, Las Vegas! EVERYBODY WINS!    Washington DC! Come see All Fantasy Everything LIVE on 10/2! Tickets at: dcimprov-com.seatengine.com/shows/180042   Guest: Zach Harper @talkhoops IG: @talkhoops Podcasts: Cinephobe | Count The Dings Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.   Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

this is a head gum podcast this is all fantasy everything the podcast that fancy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture on today's episode we're drafting las vegas joining us today is our is our friend but enemy of the podcast zach Zach Harper. You know Zach from various exploits. Marissa isn't here while we're recording this, so I don't have the thing in front of me that she usually puts, so I'm going off top. You know him from Cinephobe, dude.

You know him from writing for The Upside, a failed Comedy Central pilot. You know him from The Athletic. You know him from being athletic. You know him from The Athletic. You know him from Being Athletic. You know him from Being Macadelic. You know him from playing in Parliament Funkadelic. You know him from his very public feud with Elton John. Zach Harper.

I'm your host, Ian Carmel. With me, as always, are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Boyd. Let's get into it. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that is basically rudderless without super producer Marissa. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. Let me tell you, Elton John better not be in Vegas this weekend. Just tell you that right now.

You know that that's where he is. He's always a little bit in Vegas, man. He better not be. It's on site. He's usually got one foot in Vegas, dude. One foot on the yellow brick road. He's going got one foot in Vegas, dude. One foot in Vegas. One on the yellow brick road. He's going to have one foot in his ass. How about that? I don't like this beef because Harper, I love you. I'm

not on your side. Yeah. Nobody is. But you know what? Elton knows what he did. He doesn't. I don't like that you call him Elton. It feels uncomfortable. It's a little serious. To be quite honest. Ebo knows what he did. He's. Nope. Nope. He is a little serious. To be quite honest. Ebo knows what he did.

Nope. He is Mr. John. Mr. John. Mr. John. MJ if you're nasty. Elton Hercules John. Mr. John is what I got arrested for. Call me Elton.

There he is. Come on. Elton Hercules John. Elton Herculescules john i think that's his actual middle name a lot of people don't realize he's a buff-ass baby so they were like well this is we gotta put that in the middle yeah elton hercules sir pardon me sir elson hercules john it is actually his name Born Reginald Kenneth Dwyer Wait wait No then I don't like it Anymore Come on why not

Hercules is cool If your parents gave it to you If you gave it to you you're a dweeb I don't like it Are you on Harper's camp Are you on my side finally i are you just neutral now i this is just a name thing not an acts of service that he's done for the world thing i haven't done acts of service for the world you have but not what he's done

name three acts of service you've done the upside with ian carmel that's one that's what i uh you know i i've been i've been okay two of the upside with the day three of the upside it was like two weeks yeah i did um i thought uh i you know day one where i thought i was gonna get fired for not coming up with any good jokes yeah Yeah, man. Oh, no. Malloy kept his job the whole time, so that wasn't on the table. Got him. Got him. We're only a couple minutes into this episode, and he's already on the fucking rack.

I saw Sir Mr. John with Shane Torres one time at the Rose Garden. It was fucking sick, man. Crying. Crying a lot. No surprise. I saw Sir Mr. John in Las Vegas. Not to get ahead of ourselves here.

Did Sir Daddy Me Snow open? Somebody told me I was wrong about that. I guess he's not saying Sir Daddy. I thought it still sounds like he is. If you listen to the song, it sounds like Sir Daddy Me Snow. But that's not what he's saying. What did he say? Pick the mind that say Sir what he's saying he says detective

man says so it's a detective man says he saw snow stab someone down the lane listen to the song the whole song is about yeah but like listen to the chorus and tell that is not what he's saying it might be the lyrics but that you might say say daddy me snow he might but yeah that's what i thought it was yeah pick the mind to say to me daddy me so me sob someone down the land but he is saying a licky boom boom down oh yeah he knows so he knows multiple languages he's kicked out of china and america he has two kids three months apart his one of his baby mamas found out gary payton or snow am i shit am i i kind of switch sometimes pretty seamless it's like a crossover is it true that there's a gary payton jr and a gary payton

the second i believe that's true yeah different different mothers my man is my man is living in the future and the past yep he is amazing our buddy anthony had there's an anthony lopez uh to his dad two two anthony lopez's so there's four brothers two of them are named anthony lopez no juniors or seniors just straight up two of the same exact name that's just that's green that's green thinking for the future i didn't i honestly didn't even know you could do that i didn't that's taking that carbon footprint yeah shrinking it down yep yeah dude yeah dude i don't say fuck cars because i'm a i don't i don't think that no this this this is a podcast powered by three tons of detroit steel all right so we're not gonna come out here and say fuck cars dude that's like this is like that's not an all fancy everything that might be a sean jordan no i got a car i got a whip i got the

crip whip by the way laura doesn't think it's funny at all that my car is blue and it's the crip whip her car is red and it's called the blood mobile doesn't even crack a smile what does she call it the escape i think is what it is her for her ford escape She calls it our other car. How is she with your gang affiliation days? Does she talk about it a lot or does she just kind of sweeps it under the rug? It's funny when I...

Do you really think she talks about it a lot? We just have to... We dissect a little bit at dinner every night. Whenever I bring up some dumb shit that I did, I just brought it up today. What? No, I can can't but there was something stupid that i was thinking about that i did i was like man you would have hated me it's so so stupid when i think about that what a dumb thing what a dumb dumb thing to for a 12 year old in sioux falls to do I love it no I feel the same way it's just insane like you do these things when you're a kid and you and then I don't know I just look back like I think a lot of this

is coming from rude boys send me a bunch of old stand-up clips because I I just want to go through them and try to put some on the patreon page and uh it's so so bad and then it got me thinking in my head like have I been bad at most things i did except for skateboarding up until now it's if you i'll send you guys these clips if you give a shit is one of those things gangbanging is that what i was pretty mean by this i was pretty bad at it you're good at comedy though yeah you're good at gangbanging you're bad at gangbanging you're bad at gangbanging or good at gangbanging depending on what the rubric is in that you never really gangbang i would have been dude one time we had the my buddy this is so stupid my buddy who

was who one of the people that beat me and he's like all right we're gonna do gangster training he called it the people who beat me in is an amazing phrase gangster training we're gonna do gangster training and one of the things like it's an enterprise running it dude it almost was one of them was jumping off the second story of a balcony so if the cops were chasing us i swear to god if the cops were chasing us he's like i need to know that you can jump off of a second story to run away and so we did it we jumped off like the porch of our second story apartment uh for no reason who was who was this other boy who told you to do it this little other little boy he was the kid he was the kid remember snitches get stitches so yeah he was the kid whose cousin i think was an actual gang member in st louis he was the that's how it

all got started because his cousin came to sioux falls and i'm pretty sure he was just you know fucking around with these kids. He's like, sure, you can be in this gang, and then just beat one of us up, I think. And then that's how it started. So for this guy, there was very little difference in training, in gang training, and training for, like, say, American Ninja Warrior or Guts on Nickelodeon.

It's all about cardio, Ian. Yeah, it's a cardio. It seems like fast twitch, but it's also about endurance a cardio it's it's either way but it's also about endurance either way either way it's all about cardio part of it was stealing chromies off a bike that was another one we had to go to the pool and steal some chromies we did that anyways but what's a chromie oh instead of the dice caps or instead of instead of the i got ahead of myself instead of the caps on your bike wheels, you put like a hood ornament,

but for your bike tire cap. You'd put like little dice or eight balls or whatever. We would always go for the dice. In Beaverton, we had different names for that kind of stuff. Yeah, we called it stupid. Yeah, you're not going to get any argument from me. That guy stealing chromis at the public pool is Sean Jordan. Sean is Jordan on Twitter. Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram.

Sean, at this point, as of this airing, we'll have gone to Las Vegas. We'll have returned, gone to and returned from Las Vegas. But as of the recording, we have not yet gone. Yeah, man. I'm excited. It'll be nice. I got a bucket hat. I got some shirts.

I got a palm tree shirt. I got that Blazer jersey that I'm bringing. What Blazer? Oh, you're bringing a Damian Lillard jersey? Yeah, man. That authentic. Oh, I should bring a jersey. All right. I'm going to bring a jersey. Are you worried that people are going to think you're Damian lillard jersey yeah man that authentic oh i should bring a jersey all right

i'm gonna bring a jersey are you worried that people are gonna thank you a damian lillard and then sort of approach you differently that's a great question no not unless i see that jumper somewhere is there is there gonna be somewhere for me to get wet it might be i mean there's a pool yeah yeah i'll be in that pool uh yeah i'm stoked i um i think I'm stoked. Last time we went, I put $20 on red. It turned into $180 in about four minutes. David was with me. Then about a minute after, it turned into nothing because I couldn't get

up to the roulette table to cash out. Oh, really? Yeah, it was too many elbows in the way. It was nuts. I had no idea. I was talking to David. I was like, can I really just do that? He's like, yeah yeah just go and i even talked to the roulette person i was like you really just put 20 on red if it if it lands on red i get 40 if it lands on black i get nothing he goes yeah and then it was it hit red like four times and then i didn't even know

what happened and i went up to get my money and then he responded again and it was zero it was crazy it's crazy that's how it works is it as crazy as you betting on red dude considering everything we just talked about right it's a wild everything we just talked about and wesley snipes saying always bet on black i was just in vegas and i did the always bet on black and so i would only i would only bet on black and i won i don't know a few hundred dollars doing that to be fair you were always just in vegas that's yeah that's true you are i am always that's true yeah i haven't been there since uh since well whatever i haven't been there for a minute rambling aside gambling aside yeah you doing any stand-up comedy coming up? Just around town. Hopefully getting ready for something.

I'm hoping. I'm hoping soon. Just chilling, doing shows around town. There he is. Go to the socials. I'll post about it. David Borey is also here. Coolguyjokes87 on Instagram.

He's not on Twitter. Not on Twitter. If you not on twitter not on twitter fuck off that's if you're looking for him on twitter keep looking brother i'm not over there i'm just not i'm just not there i just i had to move out you know what i mean i got myself a good apartment got a got a parking space you know i couldn't do it anymore it's in the good school district he's getting his life together yeah, 96 is the walkability score. I go everywhere. Yeah, three different parks.

Transit score is 77, but you know what? I don't need much outside of my neighborhood. No, we live in America. You know what I mean? You're not going to get a big score. It's not a big score town. It's not a big score town. It's not Amsterdam.

I'm sorry. It went silent. Oh, where am I going to be? be there he is uh i'm gonna be august 5th and 6th i'm gonna be in wilmington north carolina august 12th and 13th i am going to be at the oh dead crow comedy comedy yeah in wilmington no wait 12th and 13th 5th and 6th is wilmington 12th and 13th is uh hilarities in cleveland and then the weekend after that the 20th is going to be faded denver and then i don't know after that if you had to pick a member of Bone to come to the shows, which one? Crazy? Flesh. Flesh? Which one's Flesh? That one.

Oh, awesome. Yeah. I know we've talked about it on here before, but remember the cowboy-themed record? Yeah. Ghetto Cowboy by both of us? Ghetto Cowboy. Dude, that's... It's like... Don't shoot, it's just meet the queen.

Yeah. It's like weirdly... That's a good song, man. It's not. It's the worst song that everybody's just meet the queen yeah it's like weirdly good song man that's it's not it's the worst song i love it i love it it is that is i will put it in the lex i think for our generation that is the worst song that everyone knows you never just walked around saying you better count your money that doesn't mean it's a good song. I also walk around saying, why the hell are you hiding in them bushes? I used to walk around saying, stop my horse, whoa, Nelly. Yeah.

My name is Powder B. Can I get a 12 gauge? There's a lot of things you can save from that song. It doesn't mean it's good. I think you're wrong, man. I think this is a great song. It's catchy, but it's, you know. It sucks.

But, like, what is even happening in that song? What is that song? Cowboy shit. Cowboy shit's happening. She was hotter than a barrel of fire. That's hot? Have you ever been near a barrel of fire? That's hot.

Yes. Weirdly enough, yes. Doesn't he talk about how, like, he was going to kidnap her, but then she was all about going anyways? Is that what it was? But she was with it was all about going anyways. Is that what it was? But she was with it. So I brought her. Is that what it was?

Maybe. No, she was there during the robbery. Right. Oh, and then she just like, let me come with you. I want to be an outlaw kind of thing.

The name is powder. Pete. Can I get a 12 gauge? Yeah. She was wanted in four counties for armed robbery what it feels like happened is they were one song short on the album and young guns 2 was on tv oh god what a great movie blue diamond wanted in four counties that uh it's just good rhyming it's good good. You have to admit, David, at least lyrically, the art form has rarely soared higher.

I mean, the art form of cowboy rap, you are correct. It's that or Kid Rock. So which one do you want? Is there a better cowboy rap song? No. No. No, there's not. Right. I definitely agree's not. Right.

I definitely agree with that. We've come to an agreement. If you don't think all weekend, I'm singing, you better count your money every time you win something. Now we're going to have to get a cabana just to play and get a cabana. Just to count the money. Yeah. That man who's going to be singing Count Your Money is Zach Harper

at Talk Hoops on Twitter. Is it Talk Hoops on Instagram as well? It's Talk Hoops everywhere. He's talking hoops. He's posting pictures of hoops. On Venmo, you said? Venmo, TikTok, Instagram. Everywhere.

He's got a podcast. It's cinephile nope no that's the one that's one about a podcast it's called uh movie phobe movie phone oh we established it last time pedophobe pedophobe that's what it is yeah we're just got a podcast called Pedophobe. We are starting off in Cinepho. We're starting off Denzel Washington Month. Just finished up Space Alien Month with Predator 2.

We have Denzel Washington Month coming up. How are we going to do his movies? Are there enough? There are five that qualify. You know what's crazy? The one of them that qualifies? Man on Fire qualifies. So to qualify, it's got to be 40% or lower

for either the audience or the critic score. And Man on Fire qualifies, which is crazy. That's like one of my favorite movies. It's like that, Virtuosity, I think John Q, Fallen. What about Ricochet? Fallen? Ricochet does not qualify.

I love Ricochet. Ricochet is one of my favorite movies. Fallen's really good, dude. Yeah, Fallen's really good, and it qualifies. And then there's one called Heart Condition, in which I think like Bob Hoskins died and he's like... Oh, is that the comedy he did? Yeah, and he like ha haunts denzel who's like a cop or something yeah

that qualifies as well that's actually his lowest rated movie ever i uh i uh that that was a double that was a that was a double dvd at walmart with disorderly's the fat place movie my dad put me on disorderly's my dad one of those nights when he when he put in that is not what i thought you were gonna say all the things that you thought i would have thought your dad put you on to casual racism alcohol jumping off the second story to know that you can run from the cops like i would have guessed that also disorderly yeah the movie where the fat boys with nurses big leather notre dame jackets if we want to keep the list going dude being a tall dude good hair these are like these are these are the things i've come to expect from your father yeah your dad loved

disorderly loved it he'd get he'd get popped and he'd put it on i mean a few times he was just like we need to watch this my dad is the first person he rented swingers and he's like i think this looks good i was i never would have watched well i would watch but uh big lebowski he put me on but yeah disorderly's was the first one of the first ones where i was like he made me sit down and he's like we're having movie night because he didn't it's because he didn't want to do anything with he just wanted to sit and get hammered and so he'd just throw a movie on but that was yeah disorderly's it's pretty good movie that's that is a good move because sitting there getting hammered watching a movie time-honored tradition like you're gonna show max disorderly so it's like kind of cool i might it

holds up and try to keep it try to keep it sober when i do it but yeah she'll be watching disorderly you should show max disorderly disorderly sober who's the man that's another one that he we watch because of the fat boys that that was the one right the fat boys where they're sick they're cops jordan was a big fat boys fan i mean i've told you when he tried to get the fubu shirt he he was a big dude i don't know if that's the same as being a fat boys fan no it isn't but i mean he's just a he's a fan of big he was big shit fubu shit the big dog shirt diagram is pretty much one circle like just a he's a fan of big he was big shit boo-boo shit i don't know i would guess that diagram is pretty much one circle like just a little bit like the fat boys and people who wore fubu shirts yeah i think it's one guy me yeah yeah it was it was daring just supposed to be two guys and pat jordan he came out of that ross in minneapolis so drunk he's like bud and

i go dad you can't no it was one of the i think it was one of the football jerseys i was like no man i don't think that team was good amazing yeah dude what are we talking about oh harper zach harper's doing denzel denzel washington month yeah maybe i would get the name of your podcast cinephile right if you ever had dude. What are we talking about? Oh, Zach Harper's doing Denzel Washington Month. Yeah. Maybe I would get the name of your podcast, Cinephile, right? If you ever had any of us on. I would love to. I would love to have all of you guys on. We would love

to do it. Any one of us would love to do it. It's a commitment. This is the thing. It's a commitment because you have to watch the movie, take notes, and then the episodes are about, I mean, it's like recording one of your episodes. It's about two, two and a half hours of recording you mean a pleasure something millions of people the world over would would consider the the brass ring the highest achievement they've ever attained in

their life yeah it's just like that yeah feel you you mean it feels like a like a warm breeze on a on a summer on a summer evening you know the the sun's just tucking down behind the hills in the background. You're driving through the country. The sky is a pastiche of pinks, purples. It looks like orange sherbet. The land is glowing as though it had soaked up the summer day. You got a scarf wrapped around your head

and it's just blowing in the wind. Right. Wild Horses comes on the radio. You didn't even play it. It just comes on the radio. Or the version by the Sundays, though, not the Stones. Yeah. That's what it feels like. That's what it feels like. Yeah. Then I'm in. That sounds lovely.

I would love for everyone to be on. I know David's not interested. That's fine. I get that. I'm just kidding. But yeah, like, well, let's find a guest episode for everybody. Sir Mr. Elton. Or Sir Mr. John. You guys are beefing.

Because what I... Well, not Hercules. Hercules is not going to get on the podcast. I'm only doing it if we can watch Disorderlies. You know what? Let me just check that it qualifies. I'm pretty sure it does. Have a Fat Boys month.

You know what Fat Boys month could be? Imagine being like a movie critic, being Pauline Kael and going to see Disorderlies or something like that. Disorderlies was good. Yeah, but you're not, she wasn't equipped. Disorderlies doesn't have a critic score. Well, that's crazy.

It says coming soon. This movie came out in 1987. Yeah, but I'm working on it. What? It's a very nuanced critic score. they don't just want to rush it out okay it's what killed ebert yeah it is he was working on that essay yeah the disorderly's killed ebert they were bad nurses because my dad used to be an orderly he i bet that's what it was i think well because he liked who's the man a lot too so i think he was a fat boys fan for sure but i also think because he was an orderly that's it's coming back to me a little bit now so yes that had something to do with it

anyway uh my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish uh jewish um rotten tomatoes app where i've only reviewed disorderly 100 you got tomatoes on the brain you didn't you just i do i have grown are your tomatoes coming i'm a tomato man now people have people who follow me on instagram where it is at uh at ian carmel verified will have noticed that i i have started growing tomatoes now those same people who are long time all fantasy everything fans will recall me going off on tomatoes sometimes in my own voice sometimes in sam elliott's voice saying that they're garbage they're trash i hated them they are you're right they're gross but now that i've grown them now that i've been able to pluck a tomato off the vine and stick my teeth into it feel differently they're delicious off the vine do you ever eat them just with like sugar or salt yeah just a little just hit them with a couple things

yeah there's fresh tomatoes are fire are you just are you just eating it like an apple you can yeah well i know i'm asking what you're doing i know you can but you just i've thrown them in salads i've i've i've eaten them like an apple i've baked them into a a uh tian which is sort of like a french ratatouille-esque dish i'm gonna act like we don't know what tian is elton elton tian yeah elton tian uh that's on me elton hercules tian yeah dana i made elton hercules tian for dinner i filled elton hercules tion for dinner i filled a bathtub with tomatoes and sort of let myself fall into them like i'm in a ball pit mcdonald's i have also if you get skunk blasted tomato bathtub yeah we had a baby skunk right out

in front of our crib the other day just was it blasting trolling it did it blasted i've smelled it i've never seen it happen i'm sure a lot of people haven't either i just walked through it yeah oh yeah like you walk through it not a stream of blast you mean you like the after a post blast type like yeah post blast yeah i kind of want to know what it looks like anyway i digress i'm about to youtube skunk blast. I'll send it to the chat. Be careful. Don't porn hub skunk blast. No, no. Oh, my God. Look, I mean, that is two hours of my life.

I'll never get back. Yeah, that's a mistake you only make once. Yeah, it is. Skunk blast. I'm a hippie jacking off. Get some skunk. Oh, God, it's up close. Oh, not up close. You don't want to look at a skunk's butth's up close oh not up close you don't want to you don't want to look

at a skunk's butthole it's too late does it come out of their butt it's no i think they have things like spider-man i think they have shooter things that it comes out of yeah oh okay yeah glands now what's the difference between glands with a d and glands where there is no d that's a that's a question i don't want the answer for there's a a difference? You can come see all of us, the All Fantasy Everything gang, doing stand-up comedy and podcasting at the DC Improv September 30th, October 1st. What?

And then the live podcast on October 2nd in Washington, D.C., the nation's capital. Yes, sir. We'll be there. You know who's got some vacation coming up? Uh-oh. You have some vacation coming up? I've got some vacation coming up around that time.

I've been trying to figure out where I'm going to go. You should go to DC. Come see us and Zach Harper in the nation's capital. I would never be on the show. Washington, DC. Banned from the DC improv. Not allowed inside, but he will be skulking around the outside. Now, formally, we've called be skulking around the outside. Now, formerly we've called

it the loony bin. But lately, taking a call on it, the bunk bed. Yeah. A lot of people sleeping in there. And they're full of bunk. Nonsense. You said the

30th, the 1st, and what? The 2nd? The 30th, the 1st, and the 30th the first and the second that's a friday saturday sunday checking flights right now we're gonna be there doing stand-up comedy the three of us triple headlining the stand-up comedy and then doing a live all fantasy everything now if i go you guys are opening for me right yeah that's right yeah yeah anything you want man either way i'm eating some of that mumbo sauce. What's mumbo sauce? What's that spicy ketchup shit they got down there? What?

We were only there for a short period, and I don't remember a lot of it. I ate some last time we were there, too. Dude, I don't know what. There was a lot going on last time we were there. It was a lot. It was active. I'm hoping to calm it down this time. Yeah.

Well, last time I was there, I've been in there since. I don't want to divulge too much about what I was doing there, but it wasn't calm. So, you know, it'll be nice. Oh. You guys have really never had the mumbo sauce? No, I've never had mumbo sauce. I don't remember having the mumbo sauce. Did we have it that night?

Yeah, we went to some Chinese chinese that chinese food restaurant we went to had it i remember being there yeah remember we were in there forever waiting forever you're every when we were in there i saw like four almost fights you remember that where you were just like because everyone was in line for so long that it would i kept picturing in my head like this is this is what those videos are late night where people just start bawling in line because we were in there for like 45 minutes weren't we those videos yeah your video oh jay dude jace man he sends me some buck ones now this algorithm is toast there's no going back from it I'd have to start like a burner account to get a different algorithm I watch them

cover to cover every single time so keep sending them but yeah yeah it's just buck do you want do you want you watch videos every video that's sent to you yeah pretty much i could see you doing that i've just being like hey someone someone took the time to send me this video i'll like i i admit i don't watch every video but i'll i'll respond like i did I mean, I mostly watch videos that my brother sends me. I don't really. Well, like, for example, I watch some of the ones your dad sends me. Yeah, I watch those. I watch the dad ones.

I watch every single one. One day we started talking back and forth. I probably got eight, nine videos that day after we got into it. Yeah, the floodgates are open at they're dang dude it's like it one will be like a crazy wave and then the other one is just like somebody hitting 15 home runs with a blindfold on you're like i don't know where you're getting these videos man i don't know his algorithm is insane it's got to be because he sends me just the weirdest it's a lot of like look at this road on the side of a cliff well and i hit him hit him. I go, where are you getting these? And he just responds. He goes, Instagram.

I'm like, I know that. Just saying, where are you getting them? They're in Costa Rica at the time of this recording. That's like the one place I've been was Costa Rica. I was there for long enough to where I started thinking like, well, the limited Spanish I know, everybody needs to know that I know it. And so after like week just yeah be ordering like oh gracias very common with white

travelers yeah yeah it took it well my buddy uh that we went high school with he has a travel like a like a not a safari but like a travel expedition company down there so it's kind of buck we had a dude who lives down there with us so that even made me think more i was like oh man this is wild the piute call me white traveler i do yeah uh on your back so i insist it's right next to that was your basketball your basketball nickname dude dude. That's why. Whenever Ian meets a new group of people, he takes off his shirt. He points to a tattoo and says, this is what you call me.

It's just one of like 30 tattoos around his body. Call me White Traveler. White Traveler, Cocopelli. Call me Anthropomorphic Calzone. Ski Mask, the Slump God. There's a lot of names. There are many names. I contain multitudes, man man you can't pin me down with just one name uh so come see us i think we can announce this by now too we'll also be at the 10 000 laughs festival in the twin cities minneapolis minnesota whoa october 6th 7th and 8th we'll be there doing stand-up comedy and a live podcast.

And Sean Jordan will be baking scones for everybody. If y'all want to get nuts, we could just fill that little gap in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, like I'll be doing. I have to go to work. God damn it. David, please come home with me. I have to go anywhere other than Sioux Falls. Come on, man. You know you want to come hang out. Just come hang out for a few days.

I got shit to do, Sean. I'm like a person. All right. Fuck me. Fine. Jesus. Like a person who has things to do. I just don't want to.

That's the other thing. That's the other thing, but that's not the point. If you can talk CBS into filming a week of episodes that week in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Yeah. Or like at Waldrug or something. If one person could, it would be Sean. If one person could convince them. You tell me who's here to get in.

I'll climb in there. I'll give you a list of names. Chief among them being James Corden, dude. You'll see him at the wedding. You'll have your chance. Jim Jam. Jim Jam. Let me bend your ear about Sioux Falls real quick.

Come on over here. Cordo. Cordo. him at the wedding. You'll have your chance. Jim Jam, let me bend your ear about Sioux Falls real quick. Come on over here. Cordo! Cordo! JC! She's holding a bottle of champagne. I know you like steak. Have you ever had it chopped up and dipped in barbecue sauce? Now what about worse steak? What about a worse way to eat it?

Can I interest you in that? How do you Brits feel about tiny little waterfalls huh how do you feel about how do you feel about dry brisket the driest brisket you can eat i will say the one restaurant i went to last time i was in south dakota they didn't have chiswick and i was like very upset they didn't have it very upset in in rapid in rapid yeah they didn't have it they it's good i mean it's good it just is i was like sean jordan told me about it they were like who sorry that's gotta sting what's just how's that feel to hear that david we love you you should be from here and i was like no i can't they were like please you just say no i got shit to do and

then they chiseled like is deep fried steak it's just a steak that you quarter or you cut up in square inches deep fry it and put garlic on it's dope and you dip it in barbecue sauce or ranch it's fucking okay no that's why i thought i thought they would have it yeah that sounds simple enough you must not have been at a bowling alley or anything that's it's not it's not something that's at like a ton of restaurants can I get a nachos and a hot dog we only have chiseled here it's not something that's at a ton of restaurants

we used to get it straight up at the bowling alley and shit and like at bars your broke ass wasn't at a bowling alley it's usually something sold out of the back of a chevy a chevy that doesn't run that's what I get for buying food indoors

and i knew that i knew that there's not like i don't know we yeah we'd always get it like bar food it's like bar food it's not like a sit down it's like barf stop what do you ever bring to the table for for culinary ian carmel eat them up i had some pretty good dim sum there bam you did too in the tron yes yeah you were there with us in beaverton and den some dude in beaverton we had dim sum with marissa when yeah really before the show i heard about it ivan yeah also at you yeah yeah i don't i don't remember this even kind of are you serious we're I heard about it. Ivan. Yeah. Also, egg you. Yeah. I don't remember this even kind of. Are you serious? We're talking about it.

No. When? Yeah. They also have the Red Robin where I perfected my fries for the table act. Oh, just want to put that out there. I don't remember. I have no idea what you're talking about.

I wasn't there. And I remember, I guess there's a chance Sean didn't go, but it doesn't sound right to me. I think he did. No, Sean went. I remember hearing about Sean going. Yeah, you guys all went. It was Beaverton, near Nike.

It was us, your dad, and Marissa. Yeah. I do not think I was. Well, I don't know. Maybe. No, it's gone. I think you were there. It was out of my memory.

I did my classic dim some small ass portions joke. Yeah. Thank you. If you don't remember that, you might have suffered CTE from all that football you played in high school. Look, the splits will get you. Okay. The splits will get you. They'll get you.

Nicknames, my friend. Put it on my tombstone. Come see us in D.C. Come see us in Minneapolis. Don't come see us in dc come see us in minneapolis don't come see us in las vegas we've already been and that's what we're fantasy drafting today uh mike for those of you who don't know who are being caught unawares right now and i hate when you're caught unawares for those of you who currently find yourself caught unawares my bachelor party is happening in a week from today recording time by the time this has come out it

will have already happened it's happening in a little town we like to call lost wages now that's fine you can use that uh why do you call that because you because you end up losing a lot of wages if if they have it their way if they see it their way if big casino has it his way oh man i don't want to talk it also sounds like lost vegas yeah i just i don't want to say pics but i just reminded me of a few things anyway keep going keep going we're gonna fantasy draft it before the trip there's a chance we'll fantasy draft it also after the trip it'll be a lot of us there it's gonna be a lot of changed picks i'm gonna put some meat inside of me yes yeah both ways dude we're getting dope well yeah we're getting wait no we're getting dope dinners we're gonna do a bunch of heroin yeah

i like to think that i know my tiner dude that's a some inside baseball right there i'm from a meth town some why is every drug called dope like weed is called dope heroin's called dope why is it all called do it zach thank you dude yeah thank you gotta be a dope to do drugs thank you i've never done a drug before that's why i'm not a dope kids listen up i choose hope yeah why didn't somebody explain that to me 20 years ago this whole time i've been living what i call a life not knowing that this whole time here we go more like south drug coda stop it don't jerk and drive that that little campaign meth we're on it that little campaign don't jerk and drive and drive yeah wait what was the one

you guys don't remember that it was so before you remember the math no one's ever had to tell me don't masturbate it was on every late night talk show you wrote for one when it was when it was a national joke i don't know that i did you did or that i did well i did write for a late night talk show i don't know that we wrote about don't jerk and drive. Are you talking about jerking off and driving? No, they said don't. So the thing was,

don't jerk the wheel while you're driving. But the slogan that they came up with was don't jerk and drive. And then maybe two years later, they had the fucking whole meth. We're on it as if to say we're on the case. But again, phrased the worst you could phrase it. We're doing it.

We're doing it. So those are two just absurd. Don't the wheel was that like happening enough but they had to have a public service campaign who knows drivers jerking the wheel or like a passenger is like well the drivers the drivers jerk it off that's the first issue and then the other person has to grab the wheel but they grab it too hard i think it's like if you see an animal or whatever and it's i whatever if the roads are icy you're not supposed to jerk the wheel you're not if you see an animal you're supposed to just hit it but anyway that was the slogan was don't jerk and drive so i guess enough people were doing it that they thought they needed a slogan i don't know that's absurd your state is

wild you're wild dude our state don't jerk in vegas you can jerk in vegas probably better if you do before you head out for the night actually if you're rooming with shocker i'm rooming with shocker and he said that i have to so i was like all right it sounds like there's gonna be a couple of shockers happening in that room oh no that's right there's no pig so he puts all three in the stink shocker i'm gonna duct tape a sheet so it's like two different rooms and i'll just be over here then i'm gonna beat off you don't have a hospital wank do you you hear some screaming don't come a leaning this is i have to i think your dad actually sent me that meme. It was attached to just a massively muscular kangaroo.

That's just. And then a video of cricket highlights for some reason. Damn, where are you getting these? Instagram. Instagram. Instagram. The way we determine the order of the drafts is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors played between the three of you we throw on shoot here we go rock paper scissors shoot oh david wins he throws a paper against two scissors now that's rock paper scissors uh the

way we played on here not as it was famously portrayed in the humorous movie national lampoon's vegas vacation david as the winner of rock paper scissors it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that that's a great question i was thinking about a new way to deal cards in a poker game i think this would be the tight way to do it anyway bottom yeah dude or from the side you got that see i just get an ace tattooed on the inside of my arm so i always have it up my sleeve it's kind of a thing i don't trust dudes with car tattoos no god do you know i don't know or that i know of anyways i don't trust them uh i know dudes with names tattooed on their bellies

it's kind of like the same no anyway uh Anyway, if you deal cards, so you start left to right, normally what you do is you just go back to the left and then go left to right again. What I pose is that the dealers start going left to right five times and then double up on the right one more time, hit them over there, right to left, hit the left twice, yack, yack, yack, go back to the right, hit them twice boom boom left twice boom boom boom and then you look at your poker cards i think that'd be a fun way to deal and i don't see any reason why we don't do it i gotta say i think that might that might be the best one well you used to oh what'd you say no way i think that might be the best one you've ever done dude my heart just started

beating quicker i swear to god it, it did. It really did. Nobody else feels that way? No, I think so. No, it was really good. It was actually pretty succinct. Yeah, that's what I mean. I think one of the times I was on here, he was talking about pooping in a basement.

Pooping in a basement or something one time. It was fun to hear. That was cool. Seriously, my heart just started beating faster. That's tight. Yeah, I think that was the best one ever. If you, let me ask you this, because you, wait, did you ever deal poker? Did you do, you were blackjack?

I did blackjack, baccarat, and piegau, double hand poker. If you. And three card, I did three card poker, which doesn't really count. Maybe you know this though, like if you do decide, if somebody did decide to deal that way, is there any way that could work? Or would they immediately be like, well, you can't deal deal that way the games like dealer would get in trouble or something the you can't change dealing what if like everyone at the table like is like agrees on it or something you just can't it's just the eye in the sky is not gonna allow yeah yeah it's all on camera okay and it's like yeah any deviation from because like yeah no you can't it's gonna signal

yeah all right that makes sense i just i wishful thinking even i was joking about dealing from the bottom you also can't do that no you have to yeah that's cheating you're trying to ask that you're gonna be picking up your teeth with broken fingers and trust me i've stopped i've stopped games before i have stopped games and been like check the camera no way oh bunch of more time more times than i can count anything ever go down or do you ever all the time they call me hawk chai they would these chinese dudes would call me the n-word they told me they were waiting for me out in the parking lot all kinds of shit yeah really yeah all the time all the time nothing ever happened though i would like walk through the parking lot to go to the bus yeah right damn that's so buck oh yeah yeah yeah they're they're

gamblers dude they're like a lot of them are on like like last like like you know what i mean they're desperate people yeah yeah right yeah you're just a character and they're falling down yeah yeah yeah yeah but no yeah they call me hawk chai which means bad luck in chinese like oh god really they were super racist they'd always call me obama me and the one other black guy who worked there it has you live in oakland obama obama you live in oakland yeah it was crazy there are a bunch of prostitutes but we would eat there we eat dinner together sometimes you and the prostitutes, but we would eat dinner together sometimes. You and the prostitutes? Yeah, because I would eat dinner in the restaurant and they'd be in there too.

Prostitutes got to eat too. Yeah. Absolutely. Probably more than us. More. Yeah. I don't know. I got a healthy appetite.

Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round now david with that in mind what will the order of today's las vegas fantasy draft be well i gotta go first because i want to get my first one first obviously uh and then i'm gonna say sean zach ian hot corner semi hot corner that's that's's that's Zach is D A C H just for everyone keeping track. I don't spell it. Z A K like a bodybuilder. Yeah. Or Lego maniac. Well,

David, you have the first pick in the Las Vegas, all fans here for the draft and you will be making that first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it.

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I strongly advise you give it a shot. And if you do, you get 15% off with code allfantasy at schedule35.co. That's 15% off at schedule35.co and use promo code all fantasy i am too hot to do and we're back it's too hot out it's fucking hot i'm dying i'm fucking sweating my ac is doing the best it can like i can't even be mad at my ac is it is it like hundreds where you guys are yeah it's like a hundo it's yeah well it's it's 90 something yeah that's amy miller though she's got a pool at her hotel i'm going there after this oh shit big shot to amy miller it's i saw a guy drinking milk outside earlier what yeah

some men just want to watch the world burn dude maybe maybe say hi to me next time you see me i just i'm there every morning i just stand outside ian's home drinking milk waiting for him to say hi he just looks out the window and just then goes right back to play with the cats they're cute they are cute but you're not as cute as the cats well uh i've been going i've been going to a coffee shop to write every morning. And today, like not even early morning, like at 11, 1130, I'm sitting there and I see a dude in the sun, not even under an umbrella, sit down with a clear plastic cup of milk and just sit there and fucking drink it. Not even a coffee. Just reading Kurt Vonnegut drinking milk. Time plate? what was he reading breakfast of champions which at least ties into the milk yeah that makes sense

i'll buy that threw me off i thought you were gonna tell me he was reading like a graphic novel or something where someone's like i'm reading and you're like no you're not 48 laws of power or something like that the first one is drink milk in public. That's the first law of power. I mean, I'm shook. It's the one thing Sun Tzu, McAvely, and Warren Buffett agree on, dude. Drink milk in public. Also, eight hours of sleep. Eight hours of sleep is important.

Eight hours of sleep for real. I got nine last night. I feel great, man. Getting nine hours is rare for me. I get nine a night. I go to bed. I'm not going to in Vegas, but I go to bed at nine. I go to legit go to bed at nine.

I go to bed. I always go to bed at midnight unless I'm working. That's good. I don't know how you do it. Staying up. You're really killing it on this podcast today. Well, you're about to kill it because you have the first pick in the Las Vegas fantasy draft. Oh, was that the intro?

Okay. My first pick, I'm taking, and this is a weird one, but it's like always, it's one of the top three parts of a Vegas trip to me. I'm picking Going Home. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah. That's a great pick. that feeling where you're just like i left it all on the field i gotta get out of here yeah yes you're like kellen winslow senior slumping off the field left it all out there i need to leave the state i blew my knee out i'm done

i'm done it's like absolutely it's like that feeling of your plane taking off in Vegas or that like everybody's in the car and you start it up. Oh, my God. That shit is amazing. You're just like, I think I might have forgot something. And whoever's driving is like, well, then it's there. Then it's Vegas. Then that's where it stays.

You just had that weird last meal. You know that last? I don't think anyone was going to pick this. And if they were, I'm sorry, but I kind of think it's part of going home go for it that last meal where you have like your luggage and you eat somewhere you would normally never you're like well they're open hate having my luggage on me anywhere for anything you don't want anything on you you want as close to nothing as you can get you eat some shit you would never eat you're like i'll have french toast sticks yeah you know right away you're like there's no way it's gonna go with

what's in my body i'm the crookness here like this i think like that's all of the boiled halibut yeah it's just i really when we when we when we when you guys told me this is what it was i really thought over it and this is the first thing that popped into my head. It's every, no matter, every single time I've gone to Vegas, I've been so happy to go home. It's a great pick. So for Summer League, NBA Summer League, so it's like 10, 11 days long. There was a stretch where I would try to go for the entire 11 days.

That's so much. Which is such a long time to be in Vegas, right? It's too long for it i can't imagine like 60 hours is about my limit i mean you probably have to stop yourself and act like you're not there for a couple days if you do i mean the first night i wouldn't go out because i'm like i'm here 10 more nights like there's no reason but there was there were two years in a row where i tried to do the whole time and i went home a day early each time and it was i've never felt better in my life than making that decision to go home a day early yeah you like called it in the moment

you're like actually i'm moving my flight yeah i was just like you know what i i'm moving my flight i'm i'm checking out like i gotta go and in each time i it was like i was i was getting out of jail like it was just free the what's weird the perfect amount of time to be in Las Vegas is like somewhere between two and three days yeah I I think 60 hours I'm gonna be there a little bit longer for or I was there a little bit longer for your bachelor party yeah uh speaking in the past now uh we could have been there for 15 minutes or like but but 60 hours is usually my target if I'm going to go for pleasure. Going home is...

That's a great pick. Oh, it's so good. Hopefully you've pooped. Oh, I pooped. Hopefully you've pooped already. Otherwise you're going to have to poop mid-trip back. And if it's in a car... My Vegas shits are nasty yeah

there was a there was a time where i woke up too late for a flight or i thought too late for a flight and i was staying at i was actually staying at sean you'll you'll like this the luxor uh-huh at the time i was staying at the luxor which i'm a fan inside also shaped like a pyramid no no no no no no they sell whale bones in there and it's shaped like a pyramid actually if you want you can put a little booze in the whalebone you're allowed apparently nobody's gonna arrest you i tested that theory about a week ago actually yeah you put you put booze in a whalebone again no i'm just saying this will be when when this comes out the answer to that will be yes you're gonna put he's tentative yeah yeah planning on putting booze and a whale bone after you know we're going to a fancy steakhouse planning fancy these words don't

really come into my vegas trip yeah i'm just i'm gonna do what i'm gonna do i woke up an hour i woke up an hour and five minutes before my flight wow Grab all my shit, ran down to the went down to the lobby, run to the front of the taxi line. I was like, I'm so sorry. I have a flight and I just they let me get in. I got in there. I threw it on the I had to check it back because I'd been there for a while. And so they're like, we don't know if this is going to get through. I was like, I don't care.

Like, just send it on. It'll get there when it gets there. I run through the airport, get through security. I run to the gate, get there right before they're closing the door, get on the plane, sit down in my seat. I mean, I smelled awful. Oh, I'm sure that just the night before is on me. I'm part of it. I'm sweating booze. I sit down and then immediately I'm like, oh God, I'm going to throw up. So I grabbed the barf bag. I puke into the bag and I'm just like apologizing to everybody around i'm like i'm so sorry i know how this is i know how this smells i'm so like throwing back up and apologizing the whole time and luckily it was it was vegas

to sacramento so it was like an hour and 10 minute flight or whatever that is we're all also going you know yeah but like not like this there must be someone who like owns a business in las vegas who had like who had like business to attend to in sacramento right and i'm sorry if you're that person if you just live in vegas this was about 2009 2010 i'm so sorry for that experience but it was i've never felt like more regret in my life than just being around those people and like what that experience must have been like for them going home dude yeah what a great pick david amazing you start at the end if you do it right there's no better feeling than leaving las vegas yeah and

it should be that by the way it's not like a remorseful thing no of course yeah it should be that it's the craftsman steps back and look at and looks at the shape he just compelled out of a block of marble yeah you know what i mean it's like wow i remember being on a plane coming home back home to uh san francisco one time and realizing all the liquids that come out of me came out of me in las vegas yeah where you're like i have to leave i have to go away yeah every possible all the stuff yep that's true and that's and that's you draw your own conclusions audience and whatever order you want to guess yeah let me tell you it's not the order you think. Yeah, it's a weird order. Oh, that's funny. That's kind of beautiful.

Yeah. It's, you know. That's poetic. That's the first pick, going home. Sean Jordan, time for your first pick. First pick is when I realized you get free booze. That was big. I had no idea.

Free booze. I don't know if you two remember that david i remember that we were at me he's like the slot machines yeah david goes let's go grab and i don't think we had money because i was like what are we gonna let's just chill in the room and drink and you go if we just put any money in we will get free drinks and i did not believe you i didn't straight up i not like i think that you're wrong about stuff ever really but i was like there's no way it's free otherwise everybody would be what so we get there two hen rocks two hen rocks and i was like what if it's in still in my mind i'm like what if this isn't free this could be like 18 and then she brought back two

like big old hen rocks and dipped and i was just like you can't be serious and david's already sitting there playing smiling he's like i told you i wanted you and i go i know you did i heard every word out of your mouth i did not believe you also i feel like it was like three in the morning no no no no it was like it was like 10 at night no no it was it wasn't right when we were checking in it was right after we checked in after the whole whale bone situation after you guys finally calmed your mouths down about that well because that's why it was mad yeah and just to clarify you poured you poured whiskey into a whale bone that did not contain a whiskey drink it was a margarita or a gin and tonic there's a rum rum something no i don't think it was even dark liquor.

You brought sand to the beach. You brought a whale bone to the beach. But yes, so that was a... Not only did you buy a whale bone, you also then bought like, what was it, a shot? But he had got that at the liquor store. Or a bottle. He had got that at the store on the way in, remember?

Because I came out to Dave and I was like, dude, they got alcohol in there. And he's like, of course they do. I wasn't ready for all that because in LA, they don't. South Dakota, they got alcohol everywhere. In LA, it's not everywhere, you know? So then we're driving there and I'm like, so I got some just to be preemptive.

And I think one of you was like, what do you mean preemptive? There's plenty of you one of you was like what do you mean preemptive there's plenty it's free in there they got you covered if you if we're going anywhere that's got you covered they got you covered but i'm like well i'm gonna get some anyways just in case i remember the first time i found out like you would get free drinks i remember thinking at the time stupidly like how do they like how do they afford all these free drinks like like what are they and then like not realizing I've spent $100 gambling on two drinks.

They must be paying Celine Dion less than I thought. Oh my god. You know what's fun to do is to sit down and try to beat the house alcohol-wise. You find a game that you're like, I can kind of tread water at this.

And just keep them coming. Because I play the corners. So I just spread it way out. And I can play roulette for a couple hours before I'm down much. Yeah, there's a few of those games you can do that. I'm going to need a little coaching on that this trip because that's kind of something that I want. I'll teach you how I play roulette. I got you.

We'll watch Passenger passenger 57 we'll be good anyway when i just the whole realization that it's not all free by the way you can if you seek it out you can pay for booze but oh it's very easy to pay for this super easy they'll let you pay for it but you can also get it for tech whatever however you want to equate free but if you're just chilling i mean there's a chance you could win and get free booze no no no that's what that town is built on that sentence you just said there there is a chance there's a chance it's not a good one but there's also a chance i tongue kiss rihanna like there's a chance i'm betting on that i'm actually in me as well yeah is that

is that like the green on the other end it's actually very in your favorites yeah it's a picture of you and rihanna tongue kissing opposite of the green on the roulette wheel and that's where i'll be putting whatever's in max's college fund so far it's crazy to think that rihanna has a tongue that tastes like a person's tongue i know right i don't know if i believe that she probably has bad breast sometimes i'm right i don't know if i believe that she probably has bad breath sometimes i'm not there's not a chance i'm just saying like sometimes she probably wakes up and her breath stinks like just it has to happen i bet her breath stinks i bet her breath stinks cool though like in the way that like when you fart it's like you're like oh it's my own brew

you don't want to say anything oh it's like a cigar that you kind of want to smell, but you're not thrilled about it. It's like musky. It's a musk. Yeah. It's got pheromones in it. The artist probably had diarrhea before. Yeah, right? Let that sink in.

She probably had to do the clench button under the bathroom. I don't agree. She's definitely had diarrhea. She's always leaving diarrhea. No, not a chance. She's always leaving restaurants with wine glasses. So are you. Yeah, and I have had diarrhea today.

What's the argument there? Today. I had diarrhea today. It's all those tomatoes you've been eating. Yeah. Good YouTube skunk flash. You'll see it. Yeah. good youtube skunk flash yeah that by the way that video that video that david said is just pictures of skunks buttholes that's all it is it's just a bunch of skunk buttholes that's i told you what it was yeah i watched it you think a skunk's butthole smells better than

the skunk since it's a skunk i think you can't really i don't think skunks smell i think it's that well i wonder that so i mean they're dirty animals inside them though it's got it they don't smell like that i think they just smell like a dog or some shit what do you think smells worse a raccoon or a skunk raccoon they're always digging in the trash that's that's fair you think their skunk thing ever leaks though or you think they have like complete control over it like the older they get i think some might have leaky skunk holes yeah you think they have wet sprays where they like fall asleep or spray dreams whatever do they ever spray on accident you think like they got like startled that's what i'm saying yeah they just get scared you're gonna convince me of that way more than you're gonna convince me that rihanna's had diarrhea before. She has had diarrhea.

She's had it. You think she's ever had refried beans and guacamole? Yeah, and I think she just processed it like an angel. She's from Barbados. You don't come from an island and not have had diarrhea. That's fact. I don't know. I don't even understand the logic behind what I said, but it felt strong. It does make sense.

It feels right. I'll convince you. Why do you think island time is so loose, dude? Loose like my poops, man. Loose like my poops. Plantains, dude. They don't come out any more solid than they go in. They come out exactly the way they go in

yeah good delicious free booze harper time for your first pick now free booze off the board my first pick is gonna be morning after a night out at a sports book gambling on something with your friends you don't really understand some sport yeah your friends you don't really understand. Some sport you don't really understand. Where you just hand someone a hundred bucks and you're like, how should I gamble this? I was going to do my first bet! What am I going to

bet on? This is inspired by Shocker saying we're going to watch the Grand Prix of like, I don't know, Hungary or something. It's in Hungary. It's an F1 race. I didn't know any of it, but I'm like, I'm in. I'll gamble on it. I do like F1 now. Yeah, me too. But I still don't understand it.

That's Brent Jeff's podcast, right? The F1 podcast? Yeah, that's a grid penalty. I've never bet on anything in Las Vegas except roulette. Oh, we're going to change that, baby. Yeah, we're going to change that big time. We're doing that Friday before you check in. I let it 229. We'll be there at 245. I got a rainy day fun that Friday, right? Before you check in 29, we'll be there at

245. I got a rainy day fun that I'm bringing before you go drink out of that whale bone. We're going to don't you get a fucking whale bone out of my hands. You can try to pry it out of my they're going to try to not let me through security with it, but they're going to fail and bet on that at the sports book, whether or not I can pry that thing out of your

hands. You think when I go through a security at PDX, do you think I can tell him it's a service animal? Cause it's a whale bone. I need it. If you've got a little vest on, I'm going to put a little vest. I'm going to shake it. Like you see how it shakes.

It's, it's stopping me from doing that. It's stopping me from, I can't, I'm going to listen to this podcast on the flight. Cause I'm so stoked. What are you doing? Listening to my own podcast.

This podcast is significantly longer than that flight. It already is. We're talking time to go to the airport, check in, flight, land. It's still going to be good. Yeah, we'll be at the pool by the time it's done. I have bet on pre-season nfl i have bet on like italian second tier league soccer we can bet on pre-season nfl yeah we can bet oh we can bet on pre-season oh my god also is anybody worried about that i feel like the super bowl, like, I worry that the Super Bowl and the date that Eggnog is released are both getting pushed back too much.

Yeah. And one day they're going to meet on July 4th, and that's the end of America. Yep. You mean Eggnog? I'm not missing something. You mean like actual Eggnog? Yeah. Okay.

What do you think he means? I thought it was something that I didn't know about. He thought it meant cum. Like it was a new Kanye album or something. He thought it was talking about cum. Yeah, no. You'll let us know at dinner when you're talking about cum. I'm waiting for that.

Only if we're drinking sake. Yeah, so then I'm still, yes. I mean, it does look like it sometimes. I did not know this. That one looked like jizz. I'm going to buy a bottle of sake just to say that if you don't. I mean. Out of the whale bone. We're going to be at the same out of the whalebone we're gonna be at the same place yeah we're gonna be in the same place but we all have

to hold it up and yell it are we going back to momofuku yeah we are yeah what is that friday or saturday that is i think that's saturday well now it's flip friday steak saturday's momofuku oh my god i'm still i got a nice shirt for both oh yeah we need yeah we need pants we only have to wear a nice shirt to the steakhouse to the steakhouse right yeah that's what we gotta dress we can wear whatever to momo can i wear this keith sweatshirt that i feel like that i feel like we i wear a lot of times when we record this weirdly enough i think nick nampe has different views on what dressing up is. So I'm going to ask you,

we have to have like a button down or something, right? Or a Jack, either a button down or a jacket. Yeah. You can have like a nice t-shirt, like a nice shirt and a jacket over it. I think would suffice.

You don't mean a blazer. You just mean like a jacket. No, I mean a blazer. You mean a blazer. Okay. So if I bring a button up, that's fine.

Or just a button up. I'm just probably going to wear a button up. I'm going to wear a button up. I might go loose and tie. Let wear a button up i might go loose and tie let me tell you i might go loose and tie we don't need like dank shoes right i mean like dank shoes but they don't need to be like the stacy izzles or anything right it can just be like i don't think so no no no go look on their website they have you don't even have to wear underwear yeah you're not you shouldn't wear ain't nobody gonna check for that oh they'll check well they'll get shut down i'm married didn't we went in the whip one time when we were coming back like a couple hours on the way home you ian you were

like oh you left you'd want to bet and you left it you forgot to go like cash in your ticket or whatever i think i better yeah well can i tell you what i did last time now this doesn't quite qualify but i was there with my mom so this wasn't last time but i was there with my mom and it was the the olympics and i bet against team usa whoa did you keep it did you keep it on the low i mean the spread i mean the spread i bet that's what i say what was the event i think france was playing them in basketball and I lost. Because they had been dicey. It had been dicey. The dream team is done. Yeah, it's over. I went to Vegas during

All-Star weekend once where it wasn't there. But I went to Vegas during All-Star weekend once and I think I put like, I want to say I put like $1,000 on Nick Young to win the three-point contest. It was maybe like $600 or something like that. And it was like,

I had been up gambling. So it was a lot of that. But I remember thinking like, I was just drunk. I was like, Nick Young's going to take this. He's just got it. He's got it.

He's going to, he's going to get hot. And I, and I don't even, I don't think he got out of the first round. You were feeling like Nick Young. You were swag. He's,

I made everyone refer to me that way that's always great tell what you said that's my biggest fear about vegas is that i'm going to be up and then i'm just going to look at my bank account i'm going to be like 10 000 on black like i'm gonna go like you know what i mean like i'm gonna do something crazy well the you the i mean the good good rule is take money out before. Never go to an ATM. Don't ever do that. Come with what I got in my pocket.

Yeah. I've never been there with anything more than $400 or $500 to my name. Ever. Ever. It's about to be different. It's to put the money in laura's name before this trip our shared bank accounts like no i have access to all of it you might you might want to

just like renounce your rights to to max and just like that like max is strictly in laura's care yeah yeah because by the by the end of the weekend you're going to be talking on a money phone, I promise. Yeah, that's true. We're about to go nuts. You mean like a prepaid? Okay, so here's the dress code, which Mike Malloy, if you're still listening, please pay attention.

He ain't going to pay attention. No open-toed shoes, including flip-flops, tank tops, baseball hats, or beanies, or athletic shorts. Mike is not allowed he's not that's all you wear don't ask me for shepherd's pie don't talk about the celtics i can make that work i'm gonna get a haircut too i'm stoked anyway uh morning after at a sports book is so much fun yeah we're gonna get three bites of that

apple oh yeah uh or at least two time for my first pick and then my second pick uh my first pick is going to sort of play this is the this is the opposite we've we've talked about it a little bit but this is the opposite of david's pick it is the first drink. Oh, yeah. It sets the tone. Yes. But are you going to be in Vegas or are you going to be in L.A.? Oh, that's actually a great question. I'm going to be in Vegas. I'll be in Portland.

Yeah. I'm saying, but like, you know, nobody waits till they get there, do they? Am I just a monster? I wait till I get there. I didn't used to because you're not a monster i used to start on the plane i will i will definitely be going more at a more moderate pace than obviously normal hey uh not a good a good a good buddy of mine used to always say it's your lie tell it how you want i think i'll be maybe a couple here and there you know you're gonna be

drinking and blinking by 10 i promise yeah put that evil on me that's what it is there there's plenty of fun to be had in las vegas i don't i don't need to start it in burbank all right that's just my are you already planning out what that drink is i don't know what it is yet i think i so you're just gonna show up and just whatever you decide in the moment you're like this is what Are you already planning out what that drink is? I don't know what it is yet. I think I have to call it. So you're just going to show up and just whatever you decide in the moment, you're like, this is what the tone is. I like that because it could be anything. I want you to pull up just with like a slow gin fizz, like some crazy shit.

I might have a Brandy Alexander. He's having a Harvey Wallbanger. Like a Remy Martin and sugar-free Red Bull or something. There's something weird. Yeah, dude, yeah. I absolutely might might i might have a fucking white russian so if you go right to the if you go to the luxor where you would check in if you just turn around and look behind you now hold on there's gonna be like a pyramid there's gonna be like a whalebone cart and you can go get one of those and you can put whatever you want in it nobody's gonna stop you this isn't like a normal hotel where they would be like,

what are you doing? Now that your friends know you've determined a pattern. I like to get a normal hotel. He's like, this isn't like that time they kicked me out of the Radisson. This is different.

This isn't like that Red Roof Inn in Sheboygan. What is that? It's a fucking whale bone is what it is. I love the idea that there were so many people looking for whale bones at one point. They're like, well, we need a cart. It was just a cart dedicated.

It's like they were advertising to me. It was right there. What am I going to do? That was one guy's American dream. He was like, I'm going to come to this country. I'm going to get a cart. I'm going to fill it full of whale bones and I'm going to get rich. I'm going to prey on these.

How much was it? It was expensive, I feel like, right? It was like 15 or 20 bucks or something. I got to keep the whale bone is the thing. Where is it now? We used it again. If you remember, because you ended up getting one too. One of you did.

It's one of the legs on Maxine's crib now. He's going back to even it out. he's getting another one just to even it out the crib's a little wobbly it's decorative we got a whale bone a bong one of my actual femurs sean told me he wasn't going to go to the bachelor party but he realized the crib was wobbly so he needs to get a second whale bone oh that's so funny absolutely that first drink yeah i don't know what it's gonna be it's gonna be something silly but like we're just like and we're off yeah yeah it's a good feeling it's a good feeling so that's my first pick now my second favorite thing is in vegas is seeing regular people peacocking yeah yeah yeah

i had a version of that great one yeah whatever there you like because it's people from all over the world come to las vegas and all over america come to Las Vegas from financial, cultural, every different kind of background you can imagine. But everybody there is fucking peacocking. And whether that is a $20,000 Gucci dress or- Or a whale boat half full of rum. Or a whale boat half full of rum or a t-shirt that says- It's just shit you can't do at the crib.

Or whatever. A t-shirt that says if you read this, the bitch fell off. Yeah. The man, the myth, you know. Yeah, yeah. Point it out, point it out. Everybody's going for it. Yeah.

Everyone's going for it. You're seeing like CPAs squeezed into like their sluttiest outfits. Yeah. You know, men and women. And like you're seeing people like on a date night you know what i mean like in vegas a super tight shiny button-up shirt like just yeah couples trying to get the magic back yeah getting the magic back finding it dude rolling rolling the dice on life one last time and it's all there and you can just sit there with a whale bone full of whatever you want you can and a slot machine and watch those people just parade by oh you're right

i do love that especially about because i've been to vegas midweek vegas on the weekend specifically like saturday night it's just everybody's out and there's something to that man like i i'm casual and all that but there's something to be said for getting dressed up and going out that feeling and that's like saturday night in vegas it's fun it's a great feeling yeah dude and like whatever your version of that is like for me for me i swear to god this trip it's going to be like a bucket hat and a shirt with palm trees on it. Because I don't do that shit. And I'm like, I'm going there. You should.

I'm going to do it. I'm stoked. I bought it for this trip. People would buy dope shoes for dinner to get dressed up. I bought that shit to go to Vegas, to sit by the pool, and do shit I don't normally do. And to me, that's Peacock. It's fun. Yeah. I've noticed a thing the last couple times I've been there where it's people having t-shirts

made for their trip to vegas yep that's a big thing oh yeah like the henderson family's las vegas trip and they all have t-shirts on they're like the brides yeah or whatever their name is fucking i just love it i love watching especially because we come from like you know like we come from like the i mean not where we come from originally but we live in like or operate in like entertainment spheres and stuff like that you know what i mean like i feel like i don't or not even just entertainment but like you live in bubbles and you don't get to see how everyone's peacocking you get a warped sense of what that is for everyone yeah especially here in la right and then when you get outside of that you see like how how like insulated that is

versus what everyone else is like how they celebrate and how they peacock yeah you see like you see like people are still putting rhinestone crosses on the back of jeans that did not stop just because you stopped seeing it white piping on jeans yeah yeah yeah yeah just because you think it's whack it doesn't it doesn't mean i mean there's all you realize that a comedy club sometimes too or just when you see people go get dressed up and you're like okay all right okay yeah it's still it's still going for real it's fun there's a lot of toby keith's out there i love this bar yeah and grill those are my first two picks regular people peacock and harper time for your second pick all right my second pick is going to be at a craps table celebrating with a hot shooter that's not you right just a shooter who's on fire

you're all making money they're just fucking rolling and just that camaraderie that builds at the craps table that is that is a prime moment that i just absolutely love there was a time years ago was in caesar's palace at summer league in vegas and there was this woman who must have rolled for 30 minutes wow she was just on fire we were just making everybody was just making so much money and just like just you know throwing tips around to the waitresses bringing drinks and everything they're free sean i don't know if you knew that, but they bring the free drinks. David, show me the ropes. Yeah. And it was just like, it was such a memorable moment. And then walked away. Like, this was cool for me because at the time, um, I was, I was struggling money wise, but I was up

so much during this run. My friend went over to play blackjack. lost like i don't know like 200 that he didn't have to lose i was able to get like i was like here take a hundred of what i've won so far come back to the table we'll run like this keep playing and then everyone just kept winning and when we left we were drunk and we're like euro stepping around strangers and everything and like that's just like it was such a fun night so that i not when you're the hot shooter. I don't want to be the hot shooter. No, no, no. I don't want that pressure. Yeah, I'm not a good enough.

I'm not a good enough roller when it comes to craps, but celebrating that camaraderie. I love that. I never fuck with craps. Do you fuck with it? Because let's put me up on game on craps this week. I don't know enough. I have no idea, but I kind of need someone to guide me a little bit, and then I pick it up each time,

but I don't just remember instantly when I get back to the table. This sounds terrible, but most of the dice I've played has not been on a table. Sure. Yeah, we would just play, what, a 1-4-5-6 or whatever? Oh, 1-4-24? I don't know. Just dice games yeah yeah let's become craps guys let's become craps guys let's do it yeah i would i'd go i'd never even glance i mean i've glanced at craps i've never even thought about

stopping because there'll be a bunch of us like we can own that table that's the thing i'm bringing a lot of seersucker i'm ready to become a craps guy yeah i'm gonna call it right now i think jason concepcion is gonna get hot i bet i think you're right i have to fucking shoot i just feel like i feel i feel it i feel it in my heart he wins at everything too that's what i'm saying what has that guy done that hasn't been great yeah i'm saying i think we follow the money we follow the concepcion yeah mr send me fight videos himself he's gonna be out it's gonna be inception he's gonna start his own fight at the craps table and send me that video yeah that's gonna be inception yeah what would you do if what would you do if a fight video came up and you were in it

like how would you feel i would be they would have had three days from now yeah they would have had to have gotten the footage at one month in my life where that could have happened and uh yeah that'd be buck that'd be real buck i can't wait oh yeah conception is the right call i think or dana's brother. Oh, yeah. What if he's really good at it? Yeah, it could be the new guy. We're new to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the new guy. There's a lot of Zachs on this trip. It could be anybody.

It could be Bear. A lot of Zachs on this trip. He's a CH, though. Trust me, I noticed. Well, that's two of us, right? Yeah. Two of us. It's just three, right? It's just three Zachs?

That's a lot. That's a lot, man. I don't run around with a lot that's a lot man i don't i don't i don't run around with a lot of zacks in my life it's just me and zach randolph hanging out and that's it okay flex i don't i don't yeah i also don't know a lot of davids it's just like me david decovny and that's really it sean you'll forgive me for saying this. Go for it.

More like a satchel or party. I think it's dank. Good job. It just feels like something you might have said. I thought you were going to say that you only run around with other Ians like Ian Ziering and you. And Jan Mahimi.

Did I ever tell you I saw Ian Ziering by your house, by the way? Did you drink milk? You better stay the fuck away. Where was he? He's out there dumping milk on his curly blonde hair. Over on that main drag in Atwater, on that main drag over there, guys. On like Glendale Boulevard?

Yeah, because I was with Claro Cade, and I was like... What was he selling? I was like, is that the dude from 90210 dude it was super weird he was at like uh what looked and he was at what looked to be a children's rave oh wait i'm sorry that's a like like you at that dance class place yeah but i think it was a kid's party i think it was a birthday party, but there was like a DJ and shit, and the music was bumping, and then the door opening was all little kids. And then, yeah, there was Ian's eye ring or whatever. Sounds like something Ian might do. It was wild.

It was a weird scene. Now that I've moved in, it's a little bit different in these parts. Yeah, shit's going to change around here. Clear it up. Yeah. Just tomatoes all over everyone's garage doors. I'd hook an heirloom at him if I that shit yeah sean time for your second pick um i'm gonna pick um the crew just the crew that you're with oh yes just going going with the homies i mean

it's i've only been there a handful of times and i've it's always been with like five people probably and this one will be buck but i've never just gone well i don't know just like with one other person it's always like such a dope crew trip and you're all there you have the same agenda like everybody's there to have just an amazing time it is when we first met it is i i mean it's where like i don't know but i've got to bond a lot i mean especially like yeah just with the people we've gone with it's been so fun and it sounds weird to say but like such a fun healthy thing for like my mental when we went which i don't know if that happens for everybody but i just loved it it's like a whole nother i don't know you're just a whole experience

with your friends that you can't really duplicate anywhere else. So for me, it's just sick. And this upcoming trip or this past trip that we just went on, there's just so much shit going on. And I'm just looking forward to seeing everybody so much. I'm almost crying. I really am looking forward to it so, so, so much. And yeah, it's just dope. Just realizing how dope these moments are and how

rare they get the older that you get when you get such a fat crew together of everyone that loves each other is sick so that and mike muller yeah and mulloy mulloy's gonna be there too we can't do a goddamn thing about it because he's on the emails what what if we just send an email being like, shit, dude, trips canceled. Don't look at Instagram next weekend. Dude, he's going to put you in a headlock. He's going to punch you. Mike's going to be there drinking too. Also, Mike is a guy that you need.

If you're going out big group of dudes, that's a guy you need around. He's a guy that you need and don't want at the same time. There are benefits, but there are also some casualties that can happen because of it. guy if you need a round he's a guy that you need and don't want at the same time like there there are benefits but there are also some casualties that can happen because of it you know to mike's credit i've never seen mike like actually get out of line i really haven't no he's actually i mean he's he really doesn't dude that keeps everyone in line right yeah he really doesn't remember one night we were at the roost i walked in and just started like yelling and ian's like hey hey hey hey hey hey these dudes over there are eyeballing you.

And I was like, oh, shit. And I had to calm myself down. I've never seen Mike do anything like that. No, Mike is a very... The man controls himself. He controls the room, too. Yeah. He really does.

He'll tell someone they're out of line. He's a good shepherd. Yeah. Yeah, you got to have it. He'll tell me I'm out of line. He has. He tells me every time. When I just walk in, he's like, Harper, you'm out of line he tells me every time when i just walk in he's like harper you're out of line yeah it's true yeah name one time you've

been in pocket don't even have pockets i mean you can tell when mike gets wasted though because he'll be like punch me in the chest yeah he wants to roughhouse he's like gets drunk like a viking yeah that's that's what i was gonna say and then i do it you got to keep him away from uh from from from roughhousing and a jukebox and those are the only two things you gotta worry about i had at the roost one time i think it was you david where i was like hit me in the shoulder you're like i don't want to pal and i kept i kept asking you to do it and you gave me hit me and i was like what the fuck and you were like that was about half and i go give me all of it and then you gave me, hit me. And I was like, what the fuck? And you were like, that was about half. And I go, give me all of it. And then you hit me a little harder.

And it was, I don't know if you remember, but it like put me down. It was hilarious. See, I'm like I said, I stand by that. I didn't want to do it. I'm sure I did not want to do that. Yeah. I'm sure I was like, no way. You probably still only gave you about 75% too on the second one. You don't get that way at all a little bit when you're like, when you're on one where you're just like, I don do it just no i'm with i used to there was a there was a time in my life you probably hated me in my early 20s like it was not it was not great i've had i've had enough of violence yeah i'm over it yeah i'm buttery i'm not trying to get hit yeah if i get if i get really hyped and like physical it's more of like I'm hugging a lot or whatever.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Same. Oh, yeah. I just start giving out massages. Yeah, dude. Just start rubbing shoulders. You bring a table with you.

I do. Yeah. I mean, that's where I travel. That's my career. Oh, shit. Can we get massages at the Bellagio? Yes. That's a good idea.

The Massagio? Okay. Now we're curious. I just got an email that says we can't because massagio is gonna be there i'm gonna roll up with my whalebone on naked from the waist down and be like i want to massage you i will pay for it if you go to the concierge and say where can i get a massagio in this if you do it that's on me. I'll do that.

I want to get the weird ones where they hit you with burns. Yeah, what are those? I want one of those too. There's a Russian bathhouse in Coney Island where that happened to me. First of all, Zach, that was a whorehouse.

It was Zach Sebastian and Ivan Carmel. It was. I don't even know if the guy worked there. That was the weird thing. Like, we walked into one of those sauna rooms, and this dude was just, like, hitting people's backs. And he did it to me, and it hurt, but it did kind of feel good.

Gets that blood flowing. Yeah, and then we went and sat down, and we watched him. And at a certain point, we're like, I don't think he works here. I think he's just here. But nobody had the balls to say that to him. Of course not. He was a massive Russian dude. He was like 6'5", 280.

He looked like a John Wick villain. It was Andre Kirilenko. It was Andre Kirilenko. That new John Wick trailer's out, by the way. I will not watch it. I go in fresh to the John Wick franchise. Oh, I like that idea yeah massagio at the bellagio the crew is important sometimes i've gone where the crew is me and

sue carmel and we had a great time because the crew can dictate what you do sometimes for sure for sure crew carmel i'm a carmel dude big time i've probably been to vegas more with sue carmel in total you ever done any one this week like for stand-up it's the worst no i can't imagine that would be any kind of fun you feel like a ghost it's got to be hopeless so hopeless what are the crew politics like in a nba summer league trip it's um it depends because there's just so many different types of people there. And so like usually, I mean, it's just ends up being me and Amin Elhassan and, and a bunch of people trying to keep Amin from being such a jackass. And, uh, good luck with that.

Yeah. It's a tough one. No, like you usually have, it changes like every, every summer a little bit, but like we have our spots that we go to. I don't know. You rolled 10 to 20 deep. Like it's a good spot. And this last one, I mean, before I got COVID,

I had a great time. I had an absolute great time with the crew. Yeah. And there's also just like you see, like you all pair off, you know, you get in your own groups or whatever, and then you see other groups throughout the night and you join up and people break off and everything like you see i mean there's just

so many people there for vegas summer league that you just you're seeing people you know constantly so it's the opposite of a stand-up week there yeah it's the exact opposite oh you're not lurking at the buffet wondering what you're doing with your life trying to figure out how to put crab legs in your pocket yeah uh speaking of crab legs in your pocket david it's time for your second and third picks okay my second pick oh i love this and this is also another weird one uh i don't know what what what the what the word is it's like table camaraderie like either in winning either in winning or in losing oh yeah if you get fucked by a dealer and you're like oh but everybody's getting fucked and then you guys are just all i love that because it's like i rarely do shit in my life where i interact with strangers like that right you know what i mean and like the vegas the table is one of the few places where

people like talk to each other and like there's a vibe and like i just love it i love it i love it when we gotta out somebody like when there's one shitty player and everybody else and everybody else is like listen bro you gotta get the fuck out of here like i love it i love that table camaraderie so much and i think it's like such a vegas specific thing and like because everybody's drunk and shit there's just nowhere where i talk to more strangers dude it's amazing it's you and like cowboy from Oklahoma, a 60-year-old woman smoking a cigarette with her tits out. Who's very flirty.

Very flirty. Who's very flirty. And you're all getting busted by this dealer who's hitting blackjack after blackjack. Yeah. It's the best. And your family. Or when you guys go on a run and like if they've got like a 10 showing right and you've got a 14 and you hit a 7 and everyone's excited for you like everyone

like freaks out yeah that's such a great feeling that's so good it's so good and it's so like vegas specific you know yeah can you be uncouth at the table like if i was playing hold him and i just went in uh like all in without looking at my cards, something like that, would the table collectively... The table would collectively be like, what the fuck are you doing? You can, but they're pissed.

That's what I mean. I have a friend who just wants to watch the world burn. Shout out to Andrew Moore. He's probably listening to this. He'll just like he'll just play blackjack wrong on purpose oh wow it's like you i can't play with him because i don't like people knowing that i came there with him yeah for sure because his whole thing is he's like the odds reset every single card so it doesn't matter how i play which is not totally right

so like what he'll like hit on 20 if it's 20 he'll hit and then take the next person's card or something and they get on 20 if the dealer's showing a four he's nuts and you'll get and then he'll drop a king and then the guy next to with an 11 gets a three and he's like but every now and again he'll get that ace on the 20 and then and then he'll win and everybody else just loses and everybody's just like collectively like fuck i'm gonna kill this and to him he's like see told you yeah right like i did like i did it right he's an animal he's a real monster uh shout out emo but yeah yeah just yeah table table camaraderie man it's just great it's always great i love it that's great all right and my next pick my next pick i'm taking uh so everybody loves to party in vegas

but one of the best things about vegas to me is seeing people drunker than you oh yeah yeah you know what i'm saying like where it's like you're walking even it's four in the morning and you're like wasted but then you see that lady puking in the fucking fountain and you're like oh my god i'm not gonna be worse could be worse could be worse even in the daytime it'll be in the middle of the day sometimes and you like it's just there's always somebody drunker than you in vegas and it's so because it's not like that everywhere like most bars aren't even like that you know what i mean where it's like right people aren't like waste you know what i mean but like vegas yeah there's always somebody drunker than you and it's always fun to point it

out it's like i love that part the casino should like if if they if it isn't happening naturally they should pay actors to do it because every time i see someone drunker than me i'm like well i could have it a couple yeah i'm not that yeah that dude pooped in a sink like i'm good it's the fucking you also see people who are drunker than you in ways that are different like where you're like i didn't know someone could be drunk like that you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's wild i that is a good point i've come to think there's like the one way that i do it i'm like everybody does it like this that they hit their ball and they just no no it's not it's wildly different i like yeah it's just

it's always it's it always happens it'll happen to us. It'll happen to us when we're there. There's just going to be somebody who's so drunk, so weird, and we're all going to be like, ha, ha, ha. Thank God we're not like that. All 50 of us. Flash forward to a different part of that. That's why it's a great ecosystem. Because you're always part of that train.

You are somebody who sees someone drunker than you and you are the person who's drunker than somebody else. Then when they catch me puking in my bucket hat behind the bushes, somebody else is going to be like, Oh man. Yeah. But also there's someone who's still sober enough. They'd be like,

David, don't put that hat back on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like we're just going to carry that. Someone else will come up and be like, I'll put your hat on.

And then, you know, people are going to see me reading a mandarin language usa today just thinking thinking at least i'm not that guy he's so drunk he thinks he knows it yeah sean jordan time for your third pick can i i don't know if this is too not too vague but i like the like the mob lore can i pick that no yeah you can pick oh like just like bodies in the desert and stuff? Yeah, the lore of all,

like to me, that's the very first time I ever went, that was like all we were talking about. We didn't even drink. We couldn't, we weren't old enough. And that's all we were talking about is like what it probably used to be like back in those days. And it's just been like gangster

and like any kind of like gangster prison lifestyle and set of politics has always fascinated me because there is like a hierarchy there's just politics there's like do's and don'ts there's politeness and all this shit and then you think about it with vegas and that's like where i don't know where it was so shining for such a long period of time so well you're a man who favors casino above all the other Martin Scorsese movies. Is that right? By far. Easily.

Not even, not even, not even close for me. Wow. Cause it doesn't have the kind of does, but whatever. It's not what we're talking about, but yes,

I think just that whole, that whole vibe. Do you like casino? I didn't know that. No, big fan, big fan. Yeah.

I also had, I had a vasectomy not that long ago. Yeah, dude. Cut you like casino? I didn't know that. I'm a big fan, big fan. Yeah, I also had a vasectomy not that long ago. What? Yeah, dude. Cut your dick off? No,

they don't cut your dick off. I still have that. I have both my balls. They just sewed his dick head into his belly button. Oh, that's what I was thinking. Man,

you know, thanks for that joke because that is hittin'. That's like, that's, you ever have standup where you actually honestly laugh kind of when you say

it yeah people fake laugh i hate every time i do stand-up baby yeah harper will you please do some stand-up one of these days i've written some stuff it's not good it's not good i've reread it and it's not good well that doesn't stop time yeah neither is mine man you just gotta sell it damn uh yeah just like thinking about this you know the whole fucking and like looking at just imagining i don't know back in the day i like i also like trying to pick out like who still might be i do too absolutely yeah because you're just like it's so interesting and just like i don't know i mean I mean, yeah, pretty much casino. The steakhouse we're going to used to be a place where the mob hung out.

So you can live this pic while we're there. Oh, dude. I'm going to drink a martini dirty. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Like we're at the fucking smokehouse. Yeah. I'm going to punch a valet.

Is that the place in burbank that we went to a few times yeah yeah yeah yeah it's another room yeah it's another place i needed to get shushed one of you guys i came in i landed and i came straight from the airport and one of you i sat down and one of you guys was like you shushed me because i wasn't i didn't quite fit the vibe just yet i had to feel it out smokehouse on a friday goes up though oh yeah on a friday people are going in this guy tony the ant is the uh character they based nikki santoro on yeah okay yeah what's the name of that steakhouse that we're going to we've been talking about it so much i guess we all have been golden golden steer golden golden steer yeah or maybe we'll still be there maybe

we'll still be there we don't know i gotta we definitely will have been i gotta see the menu early i gotta make plans yeah get in there it's it's it's compelling we also have a minimum we gotta buy out so everyone yeah it's great when you were sending those emails but i'm like i think i'm not i'm not worried about us hitting that minimum i can tell you we're not having trouble hitting the minimum i was just making sure everybody felt yeah yeah comfortable yeah for sure you know what i mean i didn't want to be like oh you know escargot that's right go less cargo there we go sean that yeah dude it's him here say less cargo dude they've got jumbo gulfstream cocktail we're gonna be having a good time crab cocktail i think i think we might have to like just go around the horn and just like we want one of all the apps

and then we're gonna bring it all yep then we're in a revolving table that's right god this is gonna be great yeah or conveyor belt you just hook it up mob lore harvard time for your third pick um maybe it's a little cliche but i still i think it's very important um i'm going the buffet oh yeah like just a crew at the buffet fucking it up like i just i love a buffet i love there's several legs all over the place all over the place like just a plate of stuff you thought i would try and like oh i don't like that i'm just gonna set that aside why does it feel like they're playing us out making the crab legs cold oh are they not supposed to be no i just feel like i am less inclined to eat a bunch of cold crab legs as if they were hot i would be i would eat a billion cows in them yeah is it a health thing like can they can they get

bad for you if they're hot and get cold if you kept them hot it would overcook the meat too so there's two different there's like i know what you're saying but like but i just yeah because i never but that's why that's why i bring a lighter and i just run it under the crab he's rebasing cragglet crab you're just you're the lord of the flies. I just want to taste. I remember the first time I went to a Vegas breakfast buffet. I think I was 20.

I had just turned 21 because my family took me to Vegas when I had just turned 21. And it was the Paris breakfast buffet. And I remember walking in there like, what? I was like Templeton the Rat in Charlotte's Web. I was like running everywhere. It was fucking like i couldn't believe the different there's so many sausages you have to pay you have to pace yourself you don't realize like you have to like yeah you don't want to blow it all on nine

pancakes and then yeah because that's the thing you just keep scooping pancakes or get all this dim sum or whatever you know and like it is very much a microcosm of vegas itself yeah yeah yeah it really is just so much decadence and there's like i've only been to it a couple times but when the first time i think it was the paris one we went to but there was food farther than i could see almost where it was like that's it's there's like just everywhere there's like you turn the corner and there's more food and there was a different room of food there were different kinds it's it's like so nuts because it's like you wish you could eat more you know what i'm saying right it's so overwhelming that you're just like bummed because you're like fuck i wish i could and you're like am i getting

my money's worth this was 49 and i don't know if i've eaten 49 worth of things also that was more expensive than i thought it was gonna be i i was prepared for whatever normal buffet probably i didn't even think about it i think that's inflation now right like i think that's a sign of the times where they just realize we can keep charging more we can people are gonna go do it what are you gonna not i'm guessing the mgm buffet used to be like nine dollars you right and like you just that's what you hear you don't you hear those stories where it's you know cheap buffets or whatever that's like the whole thing i always heard about vegas and you're like fucking ain't cheap man yeah but no you go to the aria or you go to like like wicked spoon in the cosmos like that like you're dropping 50 bucks you know i've never been inside the aria oh the

artist i mean it's it's weird but i love it i love can we just go into like it's another stupid thing i think about like when we went into the gucci store and they just looked at us It's weird, but I love it. I love it. Can we just go into it? Like it's another stupid thing. I think about like when we went into the Gucci store and they just looked at us. I always have that fear that I'm going to go in somewhere and they're going to be like, no. I mean, luckily we have a lot more money now. Yeah. And by that, I mean, I have more than a hundred dollars.

I got more than I got coffee money. No, but I feel you. I feel you. Yeah, we can go anywhere we want. That's okay. Dope. What were you asking? Nothing, dude.

I had to pee. I was gone. I was asking if we can just go up in places like Aria or whatever. Like if you can just walk up in and get a drink or if you need to be staying there. In the different casinos? Yeah. Go wherever you want. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. be staying there if that what's the different casinos yeah go yeah just yeah yeah yeah all right nice yeah yeah nice we're going we can go to the pool so i'm gonna go to the pool i'm gonna

go to other i'm a real simple vegas person i just want access to the pool at the hotel i'm paying to stay at and then uh you know i want to be able to go in the front door of any other hotel now i get to sleep in a bed i've got a room i get to sleep in that bed or i gotta sleep on the floor it says here that i get to sleep in the room yeah but is that a bed check this out i don't think i've ever had a bed in las vegas ever i don't think i've ever stayed at a hotel room where i slept in a bed not one time how buck is that so this will be your first time when nick nampay told you that micronesians are floor people i'm pretty sure we both slept on the floor. I think we were tossed.

But I think I was to the point where I was like, no, man, I like the floor. Didn't Ian eat off a menu the night before? The night before I got there? Who knows? Wasn't there a leather menu? I wasn't there for that story, but I think that was the next day. I may have eaten off a leather menu. I heard a lot of stories as I met you guys for the first time.

You, Nick, Pam, and Sean. I remember hearing stories like before and thinking a little bit of like, what have I gotten myself into here with these new people? We had those cups. They're those three. I remember them vividly. They're those three cups that we got at Walgreens or whatever. One was like red, pink, and blue, and then just a bottle of whatever.

And we had them in the room. And then you got to the room and we're like, what do you want to drink? Take one of the party cups. And the drink was just like, how much vodka do you want in the cup? Yeah, I think it was just Jack. I may have been unable to locate my appetizer plate at a restaurant and instead put the shared meatballs on a leather menu and eaten it off the leather menu. We all had Miller Lights at the table. We walked in with Miller Lights and I'm like, to everybody working there, I was like, this is cool.

And they're like, and then I bought a bottle of wine. To make them think you weren't Miller Light guys. That's right. We got rid of that so quick before dinner. They boxed our dinner out. We're like, we're just going to get out of here. They had us made from jump straight. That'll happen.

That's the thing about Vegas. They see you walking in always. They know. They've seen a million like you. Time for my third pick, and I'm going to take Discovery. Which is they've seen a million like you yeah time for my third pick and i'm going to take discovery yeah which is on those nights when you you're pretty drunk you're riding you're riding the horse of inebriation and you head out into the night and then you just find some shit oh yeah you don't know what it is you're looking for it now this is like this could touch on a lot of different picks but it's that unique las vegas thing of you're just like this is an

entire city built around entertaining drunk adults so i'm gonna go out and let it do exactly that and whether that is like you you go out there and there's like live band karaoke happening in some weird satellite bar or you end up in a, like at a craps table, like at a hot hand or you end up like there's, there's a TI concert happening. Right. And it's only $45 to get in.

You know, you're at the bar with some horror core rapper named Jeremiah from Pittsburgh. Like, right. Exactly. You're buying, you're buying dunks at midnight like yeah like you don't know where the night's gonna take you but it's that like weird sense of discovery that happens like in in new york and las vegas and like those are the only

two places that happen oh yeah you know i always got bummed that los angeles doesn't have that we don't have it at all it's crazy that there's nothing like that. Because San Francisco has an element of that. But yeah, like LA, you never have that in LA where you like leave your house and don't know what's going to happen. No. Or for me, at least. But in Vegas, it's there every time. You just don't know where you're gonna end up you don't

know what bar you're gonna end up but you might be on the back of a mechanical bull or arrested right right arrested on the back of a mechanical bull yeah there was a night um i one of those like kind of lazy river nights where you're just free flowing around and i um i ended up i was it was like 3 a.m 4 a.m something like that and it's me and a friend and we just decided we're at planet hollywood and we're like let's play craps right now right like like let's do that went to the craps table and an actual pimp walked up with two women and like had i mean he he looked like e40 i mean he was just like the like jewelry everything like the way he was dressed like and and he looked like he was invested mean he was just like the like jewelry everything like the way he was dressed

like and and he looked like he was invested in several liquor and wine companies yes yeah and he looked at me and i it was my turn to shoot he looked at me and he bet against me he bet against me and he was right and he like i mean i must have made him five thousand dollars on that roll i think he bet me to like roll a seven or something like that. And I did. And I was just like, at that point, I was like, I think I need to go to bed. This guy took one look at me and said,

this guy is not going to be good at this. That was either God or the devil. It might have been both. He might have had God next to him and he was the devil. I don't know. But I just remember that as one of those nights of not knowing what was going to happen get to a late point and that guy just looked at me and said all right i'm gonna bet this way and he was right he was so right when we went to jay-z we saw a pimp yeah that's what yeah we were behind

a pimp right or but in front of we were near a pimp we were behind him right behind him we were right behind yeah he like right he like sent those ladies out to do their business throughout the show it was insane i i would have had such a hayseed i'm just standing there bobbing my head and david's like you watch this guy and just kind of went just like showed me at different points and there were like he was with like seven women and they kept dipping kept coming back back. He'd give, he'd like, here's some, he'd give money for drinks and shit. And you're like, damn, this is, I think that's what's happening. And he had a bulletproof vest on or some shit. Well, you have to, yeah.

For the concert or something. I don't know, but it was like. We saw Pimp, Memphis Bleak, and Jordan Farmar all in the same evening. It was a crazy four hours. There was a, so we used to do, this was like years ago when this place was well i guess maybe it is now because it got renovated it's like the virgin hotel or something now but it used to be hard rock and there's a center bar there where it was just like prostitute central right like you just but the way the the acoustics were david don't you do the aren't you the voice of prostitutes? Oh my God.

Makes me feel like a prostitute sometimes. Yeah. Oh my God. Now that, now that, that got me. That's comedy, right? That really,

that made me feel like I had a lung disorder. No, it a lung disorder the acoustics of the center bar there in the in the casino floor where you could hear the conversations clearly of what was happening on the other side of the bar so like the sound came up and and like through to you so we would yeah it domed and so we would hear sure did all these like conversations like these negotiations essentially of things happening and so i won't name names but there was someone there one summer league that we're like all experiencing this and like listening or whatever and and he's like he's like man this is crazy like these people just what spending thousands of dollars on these like all these prostitutes and the the friend i was with, we were just

looking at each other like, it's probably like a hundred bucks, two hundred bucks. Like, I don't know, like probably like cheaper than that. And he was like, oh, and you could see like a light bulb go off and then we're like, we ordered drinks or whatever and we look over like a couple minutes later and he's talking to a woman and then a couple minutes after that, we look

over and he's gone. It was AC Green. It was the first time AC Green. Yeah, virgin no longer. That was like that realization for him of like, oh my god this is so much more affordable than I thought it was. Yeah. Hey. As long as they're being safe, God bless

it. Absolutely. Sex work is work. Yeah, they were nice. They were nice people. Discovery. I always feel like I always worry about being in a place with a lot of prostitutes because I feel like I'd like end up talking to a prostitute for a long time and then having to be like, oh, I don't have any money. Yeah. Like we're not going to do anything.

Yeah. I just thought you were cool. This is just a combo. You're a Nuggets fan. Like that's right. We, uh, boy. We, boy. Nah. No.

I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you guys. I'll tell you later. I don't know if it's exactly what you're thinking. Oh my God. I'll tell you this weekend. It's like I saw your wife and daughter flash across your face. He immediately saw the custody battle

i didn't i wasn't out but it's you know it's a funny story but i will i'll tell you i'll tell you later um we're gonna take another quick break but before we get to the fourth and fifth rounds this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country, you figure it out from there. But this isn't the talented Mr. Ripley, all right? You're not Jason Bourne. You can't do that. Two Damon movies. I'm out here. Obviously, you're not ready for that, but you still want to learn a new language because everyone in the world knows new languages. They know multiple languages and we all only know one.

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getting off the strip oh yeah sure i love getting off the strip yeah yeah i love getting off the strip whether now uh one of those places that carper you you taught me about that apparently I love getting off the strip. Yeah. Yeah. I love getting off the strip. Whether now, uh, one of those places that Harper, you, you taught me about that. Apparently it's no longer that good. Nick man, pay said,

Oh really? Oh no, that's disappointing. He's a, is a kayak came under new ownership and is like the, the reviews have been bad. Oh no. That used to be the spot.

I know. Was that where we went to dinner? That's that Chinese, that, that like yakitori place, not Chinese, Japanese. That was like off the strip where you just drink pitchers of beer and eat food off

sticks that was like amazing i will i will buck some yakitori uh yeah it was so cheap and like oh my god just it was such a great bang for the buck not just because it was cheap but the food was legitimately great yeah there's a whole other city out there i mean when we go to golden steer that's off the strip but there's like fun restaurants there's like oh like there's old las vegas there's like all that shit and it's like fun to get off the strip for like a little excursion go hang out out there and then come back you know come back to the neon womb of of the strip it's funny that this strip feels calming you know you get off the strip you're like i need to get back to the strip so i can calm down yeah what what what's the what street is it what's the old vegas feels lawless dude like you can get stabbed that's another thing i keep i feel

like david and i were together the whole but like we went he bought some hennessy and you got the hennessy and uh you were like we can just drink this you got two styrofoam cups and i'm like there's no way i kept not believing certain things and then it would just happen and we just go in we were just on the street pouring hennessy like we're at a house party i was it was shocking to me i've had i've i've had entire vegas trips that were on fremont yeah i've stayed over there before it was buck there was a concert there was a full-on concert going on uh that i don't think anybody wanted to be going no no nobody likes that it was nuts there was a fight we saw a fight which was wild you're gonna see a fight yeah it was just

nuts man yeah mike and chain finally gonna figure it out yeah it's uh but yeah it's just it's just fun you can see and it could be anything from like driving a race car around a track to like that area 51 thing or whatever it's called there to like it could be any number of things but it's just fun to get off the strip and then come back i was just gonna say i've never seen it but i've never been there but i've it's advertised all the time it's like come shoot a 50 caliber sniper rifle at this gun range like you can like shoot a grenade launcher like drive a tank over a family sedan like you can do all that shit yeah i'm in i'm for that yeah me too buy a football team right right roll a monster truck buy a football team whatever you want to do where's what

where's too fast go see our hockey team the golden knights it's definitely not fake no for sure not laundering money yeah yeah yeah um but yeah getting off the strip yeah yeah love it harper time for your fourth pick uh all right this is a very me thing it's a tradition it's what i do but uh this is every every time i get there first casino i go to go right up to the roulette table put fifty dollars on black love really really love it yeah see now i don't know where i got 20 on red was it entourage in entourage in the like the fourth episode or whatever does he say put 20 on red and i'll see you at the reunion or whatever if anyone here knew that it was yeah yeah yeah i'll i'll believe it just because i love that show but like it would be you or you can get Nampay on the horn. He might know. Nampay and I were talking about

doing a rewatch podcast for the Patreon. I'll duck in. You let me know. That could become a three-way real quick. I think I can get you Jerry Ferrara for one of those episodes if you want. And now it's four people. Harper. Let's get Jerry on the main here. Yeah. Jerry's a great great

guy jerry's a fan of uh of our podcast and you know i think you can get them tight anyway uh yes putting 20 putting money on the roulette that's what i that's kind of my move i think this trip is like i want to i want to do that and actually collect my winnings this time but i i i went up to when i was in Vegas this last time for Summer League. I walked up and did it four or five different times, just randomly walked up 50 on black and hit hit every

single time, every time, every time and then you just take it and dip me like right. Here's 50 one time. One time I pressed it and it hit again and then I took that in dip, but you just double or nothing. You're like you'd say the one time the one time I did this last time. Yeah, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna let that right again and it hit again and then i and i took that in dip but you just double or nothing you're like you'd say 50 the one time the one time i did this last time yeah i was like you know what i'm gonna let that ride again and it hit again and i was like all right i love a roulette i love i can feel

my veins pumping dude i'm too excited to think about it it's just like you know what i feel this you can play it as complicated or as simple as yeah it doesn't matter and it's that's what i need and it's like there's so many chips, that you can just play for a long time. Yeah, that's the move. I feel like craps, I look at craps, and to me it just seems like the inside of a computer. I don't know what's going on. Yeah, with craps I'm usually just following what other people are doing.

Roulette just looks like a bike where I'm like, okay. I might watch some YouTube instructional videos Thursday night. Oh, that might be a good call. I might just watch Cas thursday night and have a different night baccarat class yeah i didn't just learn how to play it let's do it you know the thing about baccarat is it really does reset every hand that's one of those they have the whole board but like i'm of them whatever i'm of the mind that it resets every hand i don't i don't think i don't think you can track any patterns in background let's go play war i love a casino war it's a terrible idea but it's you know what it's that's not what you meant you meant like make little fake guns out of

toilet paper rolls and just walk around the street that's what i yeah just like behind the table here yeah you can find me at the pie gal table bet my whole actual house. Do you want to play PyGow? I know how. Teach me how. I'll play some PyGow. Yeah, I know how to play double-hand poker. It's crazy, though, dude. It's double-hand poker?

It's too intimidating for me. It's fucking... No, I'm out. Yo, it's nuts over there. It's too intimidating. It's like when I used to work it, it's like a game that requires all of your focus and it goes so fast that's the thing is i couldn't keep up and learn it's just watching it because it's too fast it's that like i i i yeah it's that game's nuts dude that's what that's what like watching that helped

me learn that like i'm not really about this gambling life. I'm a very casual gambler. That game's for gamblers. I will be running from the grind in Vegas just to throw that out there as far as PyGow goes. But you will put your house up. You can put your pinkies up too, man. You don't need those for anything.

Chop them off. We're evolving away from the pinky toe, so you can put that up there Is that real? Is this one of your Mozart takes? When you win you take No what do you mean one of my Mozart takes? You know exactly what I mean

One of my accurate things You think Mozart sucks? No I think his dad did it I think his dad wrote all that shit And like just taught him how to play And it was just like I don't believe he was his prodigy Even if it was his dad did it. I think his dad wrote all that shit and like just taught him how to play. And it was just like, I don't believe he was his prodigy. Even if it was his dad,

like these are some of the greatest works of art of all time. Like his dad would have also been, I look at it like this. Right. And you know, maybe this is infringing on your guys's area of expertise, but I look at it as like people criticize Blake Griffin for doing standup saying,

well, he didn't write those jokes, but I was like, yeah, but it still takes some talent to deliver it the well he didn't write those jokes I was like yeah but it still takes some talent to deliver it the way he did right like he's still a presence that involved so I still recognize there's talent with Mozart the child are you saying that Blake Griffin doing stand-up is like Mozart playing yes that's what I heard I think Bill Mozart looked at Amadeus it was just like you know what like I'll write the music you just learn how to play it I don't think he's composing shit

I don't understand a why it feels so personal when you say this it sounds like you hate Amadeus Mozart yeah like I don't hate him I just don't believe in him as this like musical hero or anything

like I do not understand why his name is wolfgang whatever it's wolfgang amadeus mozart yeah but his name is wolfgang and you're doubting him you go oh whatever that's a gang of wolves that's like six wolves yeah first of all i'm not afraid of a gang of wolves okay all right crazy take number two you see what happened with harper you just let him start talking and he says crazy shit he just said i'm not afraid of a gang of wolves they're not lions they're not like boa constrictors they're not anacondas like why am i gonna be afraid of like i would be so much less afraid of boa constrictors they're dogs you are insane what you're saying i have a dog i've had dogs because of me because i fucking you're not afraid of a pack of wolves

it's like the one thing everybody's afraid of come here boy wolves like that's what i would say to them like gotcha like you give them a little you are fine that is nuts yeah well gucci goo that is. What you're saying. I love you. You're crazy. So yeah, I'm not, I don't believe in Wolfgang. I'm not afraid of a pack of wolves. Like, sorry that I, you know, maybe this isn't going to come off great, but like, I just

believe I'm the alpha in that situation. So for my fourth pick, I'm picking the lights. The lights of Las Vegas really for my dumb mind i love it yeah i like walking around being like oh yeah they are fun it's fun man yeah it's just dope looking around being like man these lights are sick i just lights all of them every night here's a little treat a lot of a lot of stuff in las vegas costs money and now here's a little something you can do for yourself that doesn't cost you a dime. Throw it at me.

All it costs you is your time. Fix your eyes on the luck store next time you're there. Yeah, dude. And see if you don't notice that it's shaped exactly like a pyramid. And tell me that's not a spaceship, by the way. There's a beam of light, and I think it's a heartbeat coming right out of the center of that motherfucker. And it goes right up to the sky, and it's signaling all the aliens where to go if they want to get down. It's the same light that out of the center of that motherfucker. And it goes right up to the sky and it's signaling all the aliens where to go. They want to, you know, get down. It's the same light that is in the movie Battleship.

They shoot a light up into the sky like they don't do. Yeah, absolutely. We've all seen Battleship and are very conversant in the themes and plot lines explored in there. Jerry Farrar's in that movie. Rihanna's in that movie. Rihanna is in that movie. She had diarrhea on the set. I don't believe

it no there's not a chance she did she did not sink in that battleship you are not afraid of wolves and you don't believe it rihanna gets i don't know what to do with you no yeah man the lights all of the lights yeah the lights in vegas are amazing david just wait till you get the takes in person when i'm drunk i'm i can't wait they're probably gonna be calmer you sound like a they're not gonna be calmer no uh david time for your fourth and then your final pick uh my fourth pick so this is pretty specific i'm picking vegas day two breakfast yes it's just like the world is in front of you a little bit behind you but you still got like

it's just all potential it's a whole day yeah it's like you're just in the thick and you're all like everybody's rested however well and you're in the thick of it you're like we just in the thick and you're all like everybody's rested however well and you're in the thick of it you're like we're in vegas now you know what i mean yeah you can rip the you rip the page off yeah and all the lessons you learned yeah reminiscing the night before what are you gonna do tonight like there's just there's so many possibilities yeah yeah yeah yeah i love it i love day two breakfast maybe you sneak off to take that big shit that you need to take. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's a toughie. Oh, yeah. Maybe you took it already in your room because you woke up and went to Starbucks. Anything can be happening. You're doing two. Okay, you're doing two. Day two breakfast is the one where you're like, let me get the steaks and eggs and also

a margarita. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're like. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, day two is like that dope bite of the sandwich for me because like you fly in on day one fly out on day three so day two is where you're like you ate the crust off both sides

you got that dope middle bite you're there for another full 24 hours yeah but you're you it's not you just got there like you're an outfit number two like yeah yeah you don't have any travel jitters or like none of that airport shit you're an outfit number two like yeah yeah you don't have any travel jitters or like none of that airport shit you're checking for your flight yeah oh yeah yeah yeah you'll probably sleep again that day yeah yeah you're gonna sleep again that day yeah do it right sleep right after that meal i mean you probably woke up at 8 30 because your liver just is smoked from all the sugar hitting it absolutely your heart you heart. You got that like staircase heartbeat where you're like, all right.

I talked everyone into Jager bombs the night before. Just saying, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes, I will. Yeah, easy to say, buddy. I'm infectious. Infected. Stop it. Told you the words infected. Stop it. I'm not the one screaming about prostitutes all over the place.

Look, you don't tell me out of Vegas, okay? I'll scream about prostitutes all over the place look you don't tell me out of vegas okay i'll scream about prostitutes all over we're not gonna we're gonna swear i can start doing jokes at the expense of sex workers on this podcast all right and i want everyone to hear me say that now now who's the feminist it's me oh you got a vest i didn't know you got a vasectomy that was crazy or had a daughter in this troubled world you still talk that way. I didn't mean it. I wasn't being a dick. I just think it sounded funny.

I know. I know. Yeah. We know. Stop. We know you. We know you. Frosty.

We know you were doing. Why don't you go pick a tomato? Huh? Why did that sound racist? It did. It did. It did. It did. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think I screwed up this recording. He's lost his team. Oh, crap. I think the recording's done. But yeah, day two starts at that breakfast. It's a triumphant breakfast. It's the Canyon of Heroes.

It's your championship parade. It's amazing. It's the best. It's just the best one. It's the best one. And your final pick. My final pick is going to be a sassy dealer yeah that sounds like a drink yeah have you had one at breakfast because like i don't know being a good dealer being a good dealer it's like hosting a podcast or like hosting a hosting a tv show or whatever where it's like it is there is a skill to it and there is like a dynamic at play and like i just love it when like they're willing to like like almost like you ever have a dealer where they know you don't know how the game goes oh yeah they're like they're like i wouldn't do this yeah yeah yeah

yeah i just i love it i don't think you want to hit that especially because you start saying their name you know what i mean where you're like come on connie you're gonna come on yes exactly i love it it's so fun sometimes you get a dealer in vegas and they like i let me know if this makes sense they don't speak english properly yes but the english they know they're so good at they're crushing yeah they're and they're hilarious which like which is like to get the sense of humor of a culture is like way harder than to like learn the language so like you know they just learn english different and like you and they're fucking hilarious and they're fucking with you like while they're dealing and stuff like that. You get that dude in Vegas.

Or that chick. And I fucking, I just love that. That's like a casino experience. Yeah. Yeah, the sassy dealer is great. That's one thing I've noticed about Fremont Street is you get a lot more of that on Fremont. Where the dealer is just, because it's just like a shitty casino. Yeah, yeah.

I would also add the layer of like when you're in a run right and you have the sassy dealer and then they go on break and the stone stone face one comes in and it's like you're not necessarily you're not necessarily dumping money but you're kind of just fighting to survive and then the sassy dealer comes back and the rejoicing of like that is like that's a fun moment the table's like when is brenda done with that cigarette exactly yeah yeah yeah yeah i love brenda so fun so fun i love it yeah sassy dealer my last pick great pick sean uh i think i'm gonna go aesthetic again just gonna pick the bellagio fountain i like it i think it's fun just chilling out amazing yeah seeing seeing the whole

spectacle the show like it always gets me it always is for me the whole thing is just like this is absolutely crazy that this whole place is here so that just whatever adds to that yeah the bellage the bellage the massagio outside the bellagio fountain dude yes sir we should get some massagios though for real we should definitely get some massagio yeah we should you can get a massagio while you watch the bellagio because our suite is gonna have a view of it at one of the dinners or at top golf can we tell the server my name is massagio yes tight yes anywhere you want wait are we doing the fried chicken and caviar again or are we just doing momofuku if we'd like i'll call ahead yeah i'm in man I've never done it.

It's pretty fun. That's what I hear. It's sake. You wash it down with a cold cup of jizz. You got cold jizz? Not a hot one. You want that cold jizz. I'll put the word in. I'll order the caviar and fried chicken.

I don't want it. If everybody's down, I'm all for's down i'm sure everybody's down dude because we because there's going to be 15 of us how many there were six of us last time five of us even yeah and we ate maybe a third of it yeah yeah it's kind of perfect i hate seafood with the little the on the little the pancake thing oh and the crème fraîche oh baby i'm hyped this is a weekend right after a weekend of decadence is what this is it's a weekend of decadence for everybody come on waiter come for the table i might call the garçon around the semen for me and my friends yeah keep the cum coming every five minutes bring more cum harvard to stand in there like bring a gang of wolves while you're at it

my hand my hand does not shake and does not shake with a game uh harper your final pick fighting a gang no uh i will say um you know maybe this is more of a summer league thing but i always do this for myself i always give myself a pool day yeah a pool day in vegas where just it doesn't have to be the full day but just like a few hours pool you're sweating it out you're getting a little color like it's just you know you're having a couple of drinks you're just relaxing knowing all right i'm kind of recuperating here getting myself ready for what's coming next because it's important because you take that first i just woke up shower yeah but it doesn't quite take right and then you go out in the sun you hang out you crisp up you sweat it out then you get that second shower oh now you're feeling

recharged you off a little bit it's invigorating you know what it is is you need and like pardon me for being crass you need to dunk your nuts for a is is you need and like pardon me for being crass you need to dunk your nuts for a minute yeah you need your nuts wet for a minute and they don't like it when you do that in the Bellagio fountain y'all bringing cologne

I'm a cologne man ask and answer. Ask and answer. Not everything's a riff. Not everything's a joke. Got some Tom Ford if you'd like to try that. I do too.

Which one are you? Which one? It's a green bottle with the gold plate or whatever. I got the black and gold one. We can mix. We can match. Yeah, let's mix it up. I'm bringing chanel number

five confusing a lot of people yeah my grandma here she is in spirit i'm gonna buy some sauvage when we're there and just spray it on all you bury it in the desert before we leave yeah i have to that's day two right we're gonna go to the breakfast and then go bury bury sauvage in the desert yeah yeah. Yeah. Bury Sauvage. Nice to meet you. This is my friend, Massagio Bellagio. This is Bury Sauvage and Massagio Bellagio. They're here for all your money, bro. My name is Massagio Bellagio.

I play bass. Bury Sauvage? Yeah. Some people call me Jason, but it's Bury Sauvage. My final pick is picking a slot machine for the trip oh yeah every time you go by oh yeah sometimes it's a wheel of fortune one sometimes it's a big bang theory sometimes it's the simpsons like whatever it is you're just like that's the

one i'm playing all weekend sometimes it's that one that's like a chinese theme and there's a pot of gold and there's more coins in it the more you play it. Yeah. Yeah. And it spills and you get a bonus. Like, I love that one. Mm-hmm. But you pick a different one every trip, for me at least, and then that's the one you ride.

Yeah. Love it. Yeah. Do you have a game plan of what that's going to be? Yeah. Or is it just going to be a feel when you show up? Much like the first drink. It's got to tell me when I get there.

I'm with it. Yeah. I just put my ear to the ground. You listen. I love it. With your heart. Mm-. I just put my ear to the ground. You listen. I love it. With your heart. You'll find out. That was the final pick.

The final pick of the draft. To recap, David, you went first. You took going home, table camaraderie, people who are drunker than you, the Vegas day two breakfast, and a sassy dealer. Sean, you went second. You took free booze, the crew, mob lore, the lights, and the fountain at the Bellagio. Yeah. Zach, you went second you took free booze the crew mob lore the lights and the fountain of the Bellagio Zach you went third you took morning after a night out at a sports

book betting on weird sports you don't understand celebrating with a hot shooter at a craps table the buffet betting $50 on black every time you walk into a casino a pool day I went last and I took the first drink seeing regular people peacocking the sense of

discovery you get when you just let yourself flow getting off the strip and picking a slot machine for the trip we left i mean we left a lot of stuff on the board but we also covered a lot i think we covered a lot of ground yeah i don't really have too much there one thing one thing i thought of was walking by the high roller section seeing that one person in there and just wondering what's going on there. He's in from a cow. Yes. Also, sometimes you're like, I might have more money than that guy, but he just has more courage.

Yeah, he's just a braver man. Now you put the two of us in front of a gang of wolves. We'll see what happens. Now we'll see who's got the courage. I had like a pop culture influence Las Vegas, like movies about Vegas and stuff. It was one of my favorite byproducts. we'll see who's got the courage. Not me. I had like a pop culture influence Las Vegas, like movies about Vegas and stuff. Yeah, that's fine.

It's one of my favorite byproducts. Going to see a show is fun too. You know, it's never my favorite thing to do, but like with the right crew, when I'm there with my family, it's fun to go see like a Cirque or whatever.

Can I shout out Brad Williams' show, Mad Apple? Went and saw that in Vegas this last time and it was a great show. He was fantastic. Wonderful. Yeah, I got to hang out afterwards. Like it was, oh,

what an experience. How did Brad Williams tell you? Beautiful. Well, we want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter, All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to the absent from the recording, but not from my heart or from the editing process. I assure you.

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