All Fantasy Everything - Liquids (w/ Josh Gondelman, Sean Jordan & David Gborie)

Episode Date: December 10, 2020

Damn, AFE, I didn't know y'all liked to get wet! We're joined by comedian/author/sweet heart Josh Gondelman to draft Liquids!Episode Guest: Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman IG: @joshgondelman Podcast: Make My DaySponsors:HelloFresh: Go to hellofresh.com/allfantasy90 and use code allfantasy90 to get a total of $90 off, including free shipping on your first box.BetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/allfantasy.DoorDash: Get 25% off and zero delivery fees on your first order, when you download the DoorDash app and enter code ALLFANTASY.Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of pop culture, from pet peeves to Taco Bell and everything in between. On this episode, our guest is Josh Gondelman, comedian, author, television writer, all around mensch, if we're being honest,

and he's joining us to draft liquids because listen they're all around us at all times we're full of them why it's it's about time they got their due on all fantasy everything i'm your host ian carmel and with me as always are david borey and sean jordan let's get to the podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that hasn't been having caffeine for a while and decided to have a green tea this morning oh did you know jacked are you jacked i'm jacked dude fucking jacked i'm pat sajak to do a little throwback to the before we were doing the podcast to unpack the entire thing would take too much time it would take so long it would take so long but just know

that josh godelman came through with a hilarious pat sajak reference came through the door with the four four can you feel the caffeine coursing through your veins can you i can absolutely feel it and it's like it's a green tea so it's not like a lot of caffeine it's like a little bit of caffeine okay but i can i absolutely feel that's the weird thing about going like no caffeine is when then when you have a little bit this wouldn't have affected me in the least do you drink coffee like that i don't drink coffee anymore no i mean before did you drink coffee a lot oh man yeah yeah i'll tell you i'll answer for you i never drink coffee i slammed coffee like sublime to smoke two joints dude like all day to feel all right i was deep in the i was deep in the coffee game way too much of it way too much caffeine makes my guts feel shaky you get bubble guts no i don't like get the

shits it's just like my stomach if i have too much caffeine like my lower stomach like it just starts to quiver it's like yeah i don't like the way it feels i can do a little like i drink a nice coffee in the morning but if you try to do it again, if I try to do it again, if I try to like drink another coffee right away, it doesn't make me feel more alert. It's like that feeling in your body. Like when you try to start a car that's already on.

And it's just like, yeah, exactly. Yeah. I felt that way too, but I kept pounding it just out of like, well, I have to have something to do with my mouth.

Yeah. At comedy festivals, that would be the thing you get up at like whatever and then everyone goes and gets coffee and then you just drink coffee all day till like seven o'clock and then it turns into you know jaeger bomb i'm sorry yeah jaeger bombs bro yeah we had a different festival situation i think the two of you had pretty similar festival situation no coffee i'd sleep till like two oh yeah yeah we started yeah yeah i'd always get up at like nine for some reason and it's like christmas morning yeah i was at 11 and then i would go find something completely inappropriate for my first meal of the day oh yeah hot dogs why not yeah yeah yeah something's wrong chilly you go to a place

you eat the thing that everyone tells you to get like regardless of what time it is yeah it's always their like food network food item where it's like yeah get the get the fucking sasquatch pancakes and it's like 18 000 calories and you're like hey that's the right thing to put into my body when i have to do something later fried ravioli smoothie and everyone lives in the city is like oh yeah i know one guy that tried that and he died we don't do that before sundown uh sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram sean jordan is here how are you doing buddy doing great my friend uh i went skating the other day with all my old

skate dudes that i'm with now like the the 40s 40 pushing board yeah pushing 40s pushing 40s and there were some kids there and this kid walked up and he goes he goes i uh that dude over there said you guys are all like 40 and i go yeah he goes he goes how old are you and he just had wonder in his eyes like i was naked or something he's like how old are you and i go i'm 39 he goes my dad's 39 it's like i go yeah all right and he goes why are you so athletic i was i mean in my mind i'm like i don't have you that's why yeah but also why is your dad a mark let's ask the real questions dude it was so funny will you be my dad now i bet he went home and told his dad like there's a skateboarder your age and his dad's probably

like yeah he's probably a fucking loser i don't know i like how he started off you started off thinking like he was looking down his nose at you and then he just ended up ripping his dad super hard yeah yeah you were just a diving board for him to swan dive on his father with you were the you were the turnbuckle yeah Yeah, that had been coming. That had been coming. How did it make you feel? Did it make you feel old or did it make you feel young? I feel like it would start old and then end up making you feel young.

Young. I feel like, I don't know, if I don't feel old, I'm not gonna. I've loved, my 30s have been the best time of my life and I'm excited for my 40s. So, you know, my 20s I spent doing, you know, I was figuring it out for most of my life and i'm excited for my 40s so you know my 20s i spent doing uh you know i was figuring it out for most of my 20s so this i feel like is a normal person's 20s if that makes any sense like my 30s where i start to grow up a little bit late 30s if i'm being honest so i'm i'm enjoying it thoroughly thoroughly yeah thoroughly you're not thorough thorough the grinch's singing voice right thorough? Thorough Ravenclaw or something?

Oh, yeah. Thorough Ravencroft? It's something crazy. Ravencroft. Yeah, yeah. What? His name is Thorough. You should have just called the Grinch that.

Yeah, right. The first thing I think is Grinch when I hear that name. How Thorough Ravencroft stole Christmas. Dude, that's so spooky. That's so specific to the- That makes me not be like, nah, let's skip Christmases here. Earl Ravencroft gets away with it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like the D.B. Cooper of Christmas. He takes Christmas, no one ever sees him again. There's lots of rumors, but no proof. They think it's somewhere in like Washington, but they don't know. Earl Ravencroft's bank account grew three sizes that day. And that was it. That was it. He sold Christmas.

He sold Christmas to investors from Dubai. It's gone now. Thoreau Ravencroft sounds like what Dick Whitman wanted to call himself before he was like, no, no, no, just Don Draper. Thoreau Ravencroft is too much. You know what was on the whiteboard? He had a list of fives. It was just like a question mark next to Thoreau.

And then he's like, no, you're right. He was like running it by people. Yeah, I have to live a life like this. I understand. I've been drinking 6 a.m. I can't. Sorry, I can't be trusted with my- Ebenezer Flapjack, Thoreau Ravencroft.

Hopscotch Butterscotch. Bill Bixby. Manute Bowl. Manute Bowl. Just also. It would have been such a great choice of the Mad Men writers to call him Manute Bowl. It was going to be another Manute Bowl. Way before. Yeah.

Just didn't acknowledge it. He's so different than Manu bowl so different oh that's funny you think one people anyone like has a very small bong that they call my new bowl that's perfect good someone should i tried to make a hoodie with him on it and they wouldn't let me because it was his likeness who wouldn wouldn't let you? The website that lets you design hoodies. The bowl estate. Dude, you got to go to Glendale. Anyone in Glendale will make that for you. Have you seen that picture where he's floating in the water?

Yeah, he looks crazy. And he just looks like a sea monster because he's so long. Yeah. Anyways, love his son. Yeah. Wait, bowl, bowl? Bowl, bowl. Denver Nugget's great?

Yeah, big bowl, bowl guy over here. Oregon, University of Oregon duck legend. Oh,gets great? Yeah, big Bull Bull guy over here. Oregon, University of Oregon duck legend. Oh, yeah. Glad we got rid of Pump Plumlee. Give him the minutes. I think he went to college with his nephew, who's like 6'9", so he's like the short one in the family. He's the baby Bull?

I think he played at Brandeis. Really? I don't think I'm making this up. Yeah, Rico Bull played a lot of his band. Rico! Rico Bull! I hope I didn't make that up. That would be such a ridiculous thing

for my brain to pull. Let me Google that. If you made it up, line up another Emmy, my friend, because that's good. If you made it up, then you get to go to the Rico Bull. My God, I hope his name is Rico Bull.

Rico Bull. I didn't know you could put those together. That's better than Hugh Mungo Grant. It is better than that. Hugh Grant's middle name is Mungo. Do you know that, Josh? What? Yeah.

Hugh Mungo Grant. For real, not just like a fun little Wikipedia prank. In a Christmas story, the Queen's mother pointed this out to me. In a Christmas story, the bully, his name is Scut Farkas. I did not know that. I thought it was Scott. It's Scut. Scut. Scut. That's a good bully name. Yeah, Scut Farkas. I did not know that. I thought it was Scott. It's Scut. Scut.

Scut. That's a good bully name. Yeah, Scut Farkas is great. Blew my mind. Scut Farkas. Anyway. Last night we were watching a Muppet Christmas Carol. Dude, it's so dank.

It's so funny. And Jacob Marley's brother is named Robert Marley in it, who they make him up. In the book, there's no brother. He's Bob Marley? So they just name him Bob Marley. No one will ever know. They just sneak that in there. Like my brother, Robert.

And they don't make a joke about it or anything? No, not at all. It's Statler and Waldorf. And they just slide it right in. But they don't guffaw after. They don't do the trademark guffaw. The one time they're very serious. Yeah, exactly.

Fucking, they're top top i think as i've gotten older statler and waldorf top definitely top five muppets for me if not top really yeah would you go as far to go top three i would and that's what that's with each of them taking an individual spot whoa whoa get that who's first statler or waldorf waldorf actually i think the bald one with the mustache i don't know who's who but the bald one with the mustache would be okay and then the thinner one this will be weird if they're they're your top three muppets but there's a muppet in between them so like statler waldorf or one and three statler fozzy waldorf oh shit that's a good name for a kid hype williams presents statler fozzie Waldorf. Oh, shit. That's a good name for a kid. Hype Williams Presents Statler Fozzie Waldorf.

Yeah, dude. Does Hype Williams present you because he's Hype Williams' son or because... We don't talk about it. Yeah, we want to put that energy into the world. Sean is determined to... Whatever his first child's name is, he's going to call him Hype Williams Presents as part of the first name. I was kicking around a few. Ian Carmel Sr. was one, just to

kind of dominate Ian. Hype Williams Presents Ian Carmel Sr.? Puts me in my place real quick. I'm a junior. I didn't even know what happened. You're a junior and Hype Williams doesn't have anything to do with you. He's not signed off on this project. He's not returned any emails.

We sent some tweets. he didn't look at him yeah the baby's also a wes anderson film or a film by wes anderson hype williams presents john leguizamo's second one-man play my daughter david borty is also here cool guy onghost77 on Instagram. The G is silent on Twitter. How are you, buddy? I've been hanging out in the park. You know, what am I ever doing? You have to be these days.

Yeah. You got to go to the park. How's the weather out there? David's in Denver still. It's amazing. Yeah, I'm right near Cheesman Park, so I go take walks in the morning. Been seeing a bunch of my old friends. It's been really really fantastic and i

love colorado yep what's the what's is it cold is it hot what is it what's it doing it's probably not hot i think it's but it's like let me look i think it's like 50 right now it's like yeah it's like 110 dude let's just say i had to buy another sweatsuit. That could mean anything. Yeah, it's 49 right now. Not bad. Not bad at all. No, that's great, dude. In the morning, sometimes it's been pretty cold, but overall, pretty great.

You've been keeping it clean out there? You've been living decent? Oh, yeah. Just cooking food, hanging out. It's like, you know, I chilled for the first while I was here, so I was just in the Airbnb. But yeah, it's like you know i like yeah i chilled for the first while i was here yeah so i was just like in the airbnb but yeah it's been like pretty what's to do you know yeah nothing to do yeah 33 years old there's no bars open whatever i'm not trying to like get all hammered you know yeah yeah i love it i love beautiful i went mini golfing last night outside oh that's nice yeah it's so much fun

felt safe oh yeah they have like they have the whole setup there and then like everybody's each group you can only do groups of four and they're socially distanced and then they don't let everybody into the park at the same time so the wait is kind of long but we were just standing out there hanging out i would like it if that's how it has always been i hate getting all backed up on the course you know on mini golf it does make you right outside for a while yeah peering at you like like they're doing a speed run on the mini golf course have a conversation that's what i don't understand why are you you're just getting these nine in before you go to the office what are you chill out and people it's like you're on a date nephew like don't don't look so pissed off.

This isn't going to bode well for the rest of your relationship if this is how you handle this. Not at all. If you look furious during the most relaxing human activity, whoever you're on a date with is like, this guy is high strung. High strung during mini golf? But he's got a Dodge Charger, so I got to stay with him. God, I hope he calms down for ice cream afterwards no no no no dropping some anecdotes when they when there's a way to be like you know you can cook salmon in the dishwasher if you wrap it up in foil there it is that's like eight minutes is that real yeah it's real i'm not gonna try it but i believe you don't do it but you can i'm not

gonna do it steams it right up dude dude. Yeah, but what about the cascade? Don't put the soap in there. That's where they get you. I don't think you're supposed to dry fire a dishwasher. Right? It's like a gun that way. If you don't have a timer, then I just set the dishwasher and use that for a timer.

And instead of detergent, you just throw some olive oil in that little divot. That's right. Keeps it nice and now we're talking some time in the fucking salad fork rack yeah you know time's got an h in it and a y who knew huh a lot of people i did got an h and a y in it you know that david i did know that yeah yeah sometimes i use spices. Not then. I use some thyme. I made a little pan-seared steak with the butter baste the other day. Did you? Put some thyme in there.

Yeah, but what did you do before you had sex? You know what I'm talking about? Calm down. I'm not married. There we go. That's a euphemism for shooping. I get it. For shooping.

Butter baste with the thyme? Yeah. Pan-seared steak with the butter baste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shipping. Butter base with the tie? Yeah. Pants here to take with a butter base. Oh, God. I mean, I like to keep a butter base in general. Yeah. That's what my football coach always used to yell at me. If I keep a butter base, there's no way they're going to knock me off the line.

Yeah, you start with an athletic stance. Just a low, slippery center of gravity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a lip, slippery center of gravity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a lipid-heavy... Irish salted stance. What do you want for your intro? Your next comedian has a low, slippery... And I don't know, you've seen him on Comedy Central.

Just say that. Nobody checks up on it. Yeah, nobody knows. Clubs and colleges. Clubs and colleges. He performs all over town. Olive oil over town. Did you guys ever do...

I've been getting clubs and colleges since way before I ever did any clubs or clubs. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Especially when you're out of town. They're like, this guy, not here. Here, he's in the back of a subway, but other states,

clubs and colleges. And the audience is going to go, oh, clubs and colleges. Okay. A scholar. He's got tricks up both sleeves, I guess.

I think he's going to take me to got tricks up both sleeves i guess this guy so okay i think he's gonna take me to school and then take me to the bedroom when i first started doing stand-up this fool came through town i forget who it was but he goes uh for his intro he's like tell him to look for me on letterman and i was like are you gonna be on letterman he goes no they can look for me though and i was like you snake it's like dude they don't care it's like a joke at yorick at the host's expense and the and it's like even if you're you could be the funniest or the the you could have been on all the shows and if they don't think you're funny they don't think you're funny and and nobody ever looks it up nobody's ever like oh man i saw you on uproarious on fused tv right like oh god i love that hour set i'd love to hear it more stilted on comics

unleashed yeah yeah exactly let me hear the hottest four minutes can you pretend like you're telling that joke as a story near a fish tank that's the ideal way for it to someone who kind of wants to hear it yeah billionaire who bought the Weather Channel? I think, honestly, my jokes are mostly designed to be spoken to the owner of the Weather Channel. That's fair. Yeah, that's fine. That's a nice move, though. You're doing well if that's the case.

You're right what you know. Josh Connellman is here, at Josh Connellman on Twitter, at Josh Connellman on Instagram, host of the Make My Day podcast, which is a pop culture and politics game show where comedians compete to put a positive spin on the news and cheer up the host, our guest, Josh Gondelman.

Also, what's your exact title on Desus and Miro? I'm a writer and co-executive producer. Writer and co-EP on one of the, in my opinion, one of the best shows in late night, equaled perhaps only by the Late Late Show with James Corden, something I have to say legally. Also author of the book Nice Try and another book as well.

Is it two books? I co-wrote a book with my friend Joe a few years ago called You Blew It, which is an etiquette guide to how you've already ruined your life but if you only read one book i've written read the other one no offense to joe who's written also has written better books since then yeah yeah yeah but nice try nice try and tell the people about nice try because christmas is fucking coming up and the hanukkah damn near here by the time this use promo Use promo code David Borey at checkout.

It won't work but It's pretty cool. Tell him to look for promo code David Borey at checkout It won't work but you can look for it It is I wrote, it came out a year ago already a little over a year ago. It's an essay collection just about how I was kind of

a sweet bewildered child and trying to like go from that to being a good ago. It's an essay collection just about how I was kind of a sweet, bewildered child and trying to go from that to being a good person. And it's funny and fun. And I'm really proud of it still. I know it's out of vogue as a comedian to be like, I like this thing that I did,

but I really- No, no. I do. Be proud. Thank you. Absolutely. You should be. I love that.

It's amazing. Thank you. You should also be proud of the sneaker heat popping up on the Instagram every now and then. Look out for that. amazing. Thank you. You should also be proud of the sneaker heat popping up on the Instagram every now and then look out for that. Listen, thank you. Also look out for that Dunkin Donuts robe that you got.

Girl. Yeah. That thing is spicy. My friend. Thanks. Fresh out the oven. I got it. It is so silly looking, but it's also like I it's so dumb, but it's like, where am I

going to wear a bathrobe anyway? Like it's not like Boston. Your bathrobe doesn't need to look good. They should be silly. Yeah. Around the house. What do you need? Like, what do you would like a monogrammed like terrycloth thing? No.

Right. I'm going to get Laura a robe for Christmas. I just, she doesn't listen. So it doesn't matter. I've been struggling with like what, yeah, I'm going to get her a robe. A robe is nice but like what do i need like a gucci bathrobe for that my wife just like impress my wife at home she's like oh you're looking really great in the house at noon yeah only dj calvin invites you over that's the only

place you'll be appropriate to wear that which i see happening but like you could also wear other stuff i bet you he would have a pajama party that he would invite you to yeah then you gotta go gucci bathrobe but it's and it's it turns sexy but only from the waist up on the ladies yeah bathrobes are man that's a real bathrobes are as sexy as the person wearing it that's a that's absolutely they don't do it they don't bring you they can bring you down if you're not sexy but they can't bring you up it's like a motorcycle yeah yeah it's like a suit but made out of bathrobe material so like if you just got out and got dressed up like in a three piece suit but it was all towel material that's an innovative move yeah just me just copyright right now you know yeah spitballing with my friends uh josh anything anything you want

people to keep an eye out for oh my gosh i would love if people listen to the podcast it's like kind of a a fake game show where uh where i have guests on that play collaboratively generally so there's so the if there's one guest they win if there's two guests they both win i love that oh yeah that's great and every week they win a hundred dollar donation to the charity or aid cause of their choice so it's real silly amazing that's beautiful hell yeah i would love for you guys to do it i'm not just saying that because i'm on here but you would be perfect guests line us up sean doesn't do podcasts sean doesn't do podcasts but we'll all come do it together wait just fucking wave us in we can

blue angels that thing just come in like oh man yeah exciting all the children yeah yeah yeah i thought you meant you would you would do my podcast in lieu of the government providing relief for pandemic that is what i meant that is also true that's also true do you remember that when they're just flying planes over like you're welcome yeah this cost this cost 16 million dollars but yeah there you go yeah fuck that was stupid dude your girl christy noem is out there politicking in texas at a rodeo the governor of south dakota traveled to texas to go to a rodeo why because she's gonna run for president man i i can feel it and she's already campaigning oh she sucks anyway we weren't talking about that uh we were

talking about the government it just reminded me how upset i am with south dakota other than that somewhere she sucks out loud dude oh it's a bummer my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on uh jewish uh new york times app there we go my subscription is up i'm glad you said that they sent me 40 emails they break the news about where the aphikoman is before anyone else they're on top of it I subscribed

to the Jewish New York Times and their slogan is you call this all the news that's fit to print okay Mr. Big Shot. I wouldn't say old gray lady. Listen to all fantasy everything. Watch the Late Late Show with James Corden and be excellent to each other.

I have nothing else to promote. That's about it. Now, we are gathered here today not only to talk about the Jewish New York Times, which I feel like on most other times that's about it now we are gathered here today not only to talk about the jewish new york times which i'd feel like on most other times that's mentioned those exact thing of words on a podcast it's a way different podcast it's a very different crew i guess it's a way different crew i guess joe rogan's just asking questions i'm just i'm just a truth teller yeah sean with his hat forward might also be on that podcast, but not with that hat backwards. I listen to 101.1, The Alien, bro, and I listen to it when I'm driving to and from work.

We're gathering here to draft liquids. We're getting wet. We're getting wet on this episode. The queen got a kick out of that one when I told her last night. It's an amazing topic. Kudos to you, Josh. Josh floated this topic. Thank you.

No pun intended. And it's fucking, it's perfect. It's wide open and specific. I can't wait to, I think we're going to find out a lot about each other, about what liquids we covet and value. Yeah. The way we determine the order of this draft. I think we're going to find out exactly what we already knew all along.

Yeah, I knew everything about David that I'm about to find out. Yeah, it's going to confirm a lot of shit, really. Found it out in Vegas. David's to find out. Yeah, it's about to confirm a lot of shit, really. Found it out in Vegas. David's an open jug. You see what liquid's in there? You take that back. You kiss your mother with that mouth? An open jug. I don't know why, but it hurt my feelings.

I'm sorry. I just was like, open book, but for liquids. Yeah. Oh, that makes more sense. The man is a trough. I was going to say open flask, but like for liquids. Yeah. Oh, that makes more sense. Yeah. The man is a trough. I was gonna say open flask, but that felt also

judgy. Sean's an open flask. Yeah, I'm wide open. I'm a busted flask. The honest drunk. He's an open container. I've been driving. I'm ready. You read it.

Now, Josh, the way we determine the order of the draft is with a rollicky game of rock, paper, scissors played between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ooh, Josh wins. No, you win.

No, I lose. No, you win. I win? Yeah, they doubled up. Because there's three. Modifies three rules. I thought? Yeah, they doubled up. Because there's three. Modifies three rules. I thought you both just stomped me with your rocks when I did this. No, no, no, no.

That's after the draft, dude. Okay. That's page four where Sean says, see me after the podcast. Meet me behind the auto body place that I just kind of hang out at. Do you work there? No, he doesn't. He just hangs out with a hat no i just got out i say that a lot hat forward sean says i just got out a lot he just hangs out

there with his o'neill short sleeve button up drinking a sobi drink so drinking a sobi energy drink it's like water if you drink it up it doesn't even affect you bro in front of a something that's either been lifted or lowered and it's not a car that's typically either no no he's just got like a lifted dodge caravan these were most of the dudes like people that what portland people know what portland is but beaverton where i grew up it's a lot of what we're talking about a couple dudes named misha hanging out say misha what yeah that feels real specific these are like there's no there's no culture there's no there's no spice sprinkled in these are like kyle's brandon's i know this misha was born in dayton it's not okay i don't know about this this misha

is foreign to me dude american misha yeah i know much different. Much different movie. Much different movie. Still Edward James Olmos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll of a lifetime. Now, Josh, as the winner of Rock, Paper, Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of the draft. But before you do that, I want to remind you, it is a serpentine draft.

And what is that? David, that's a great question. Well, David, it's like this. If you are playing donkey kong you ever play donkey kong nope josh david you ever play donkey i have played donkey kong i'm kidding mario starts at the bottom and there's a princess at the top and what mario has to do is he has to run over to one side dodging all the barrels that donkey kong throws and then so he runs from left to right and then climbs a ladder and then goes from right to left still dodging barrels the whole

time and then uh climbs another ladder so he's kind of on each side for a little while and then goes from right to left still dodging barrels the whole time and then uh climbs another ladder so he's kind of on each side for a little while and then it just kind of goes back and forth until he gets up and then the princess is moved so he has to do that man for i want to say 100 levels and then you finally save the princess so essentially donkey kong the the gorilla knows where a lot of construction is happening yeah it does yeah yeah yeah he's got us in all the pots kansas city milwaukee longshoreman local he's connected yeah you never think of a mafia being in the southwest like in santa fe or phoenix or something but they got to be there right gangs i don't know if the i don't know if it's the la cosa nostra i mean they got to vegas

you don't think they sent anybody down that's That's what I wonder. Vegas is like Taos. They're just hanging out in Taos running the turquoise trade. Yeah, yeah. They got a couple art museums in Santa Fe. Nobody sells arrowheads in this town without my say-so. I feel like I could see them selling fireworks, though. I think that's good money. Maybe, yeah. They could be in the firework game. You don't need to be in the mob to sell fireworks, though. I think that's good money. Maybe, yeah.

They could be in the firework game. You don't need to be in the mob to sell fireworks. I'll tell you that. Turn the hat back forward. Just need to come to the back of that auto parts store. You can just go buy some, take them to where they don't sell them, and sell them.

Firework game. Just roll up behind the auto body shop with your left back window down, blaring disturbed, and somebody will come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disturbed for Ball Rocket, Limp Bizkit for Roman Candles. It's a street code we live by.

If you want some ground game shit, come out with Urban Assault Vehicle Remix by Limp Bizkit. What's my favorite movie? Fighting with Channing Tatum. Whoa, I forgot about that movie. What did they make? It's called Fighting. I think. Am I wrong?

Isn't there a movie called Fighting with Channing Tatum? I thought it was called Fighting with Channing Tatum, like My Dinner with Andre. It was okay, though. It wasn't bad. It had Ter howard in it for some reason who's the guy from my dinner with andre who's in uh princess bride too wallace sean wallace howard he's in both of the david's a big terrence howard head dude th

never get into a land war in Asia, man. Never get into a land war in Asia. He's a crazy man. Terrence Howard's wild, man. Yeah, he's wild. I think he invented new math, which is how you can tell. Yeah, he had that proof of how, what was it, like one equals two? I think it was two plus two equals five.

Right, right, right. Yeah, it was a lot. He came on to the Late Late Show and started talking about some of that stuff. And I felt high. I wasn't high, but I was just like, I got lightheaded. I forgot how doors work. I walked up to a door and I was like, I don't remember. I love that he's gone on TV numerous times to just plug math.

Yeah. Which is crazy because I don't think he's very good at it. Doesn't sound like it. I wonder if he's getting numbers on the back end, though. Like maybe he invested in math. think he's very good at it. Doesn't sound like it. I wonder if he's getting numbers on the back end, though. Like maybe he invested in math. Maybe he's in on the ground floor. Math is hooking him up. That's where we all got to put our money, man.

That's where it's going. He's getting numbers on both ends. He's running numbers in Taos, too. He's fucking him and Donkey Kongalini. Selling fireworks. My grandma makes a great Donkey Kongalini. Yeah. Some shaved parm.m. It's amazing.

Big Parma? Big Parma! I work for Big Parma! They grab their hands and everything! Olive Garden! Magianos! I honestly, I think the Snackler family should be in jail.

Oh my God. People are selling bootleg Parmesan on the streets, man. Now it's fucking, they get you hooked with the Parmesan. All of a sudden people are on Mazithra. You know what I mean? Oh God, that's funny. Now, as Sean perfectly pointed out with the Donkey Kongong reference which is actually one of the better ones basically what it means is you pick first in the fourth round you pick fourth in the second round or fourth in the first round first in the second round it's a better way of explaining it with that in mind josh what will the order of

today's fantasy draft be okay i'm gonna go oh i was gonna say like the counterclockwise but no we don't see each other in the same order so that's very confusing i'm gonna i'm gonna take second for myself let's go let's go david me and sean oh hot corner yeah i feel like the first pick in almost and you know this isn't a clear cut. LeBron's going first. There's a lot of good liquids out there. So I would trade down to get the guy I want at two or three. This is the Anthony Bennett draft. You know, the best player might be a seven.

Yeah. To me, there's a couple front runners, but I don't think they're on everyone's board. But for me, there are. So I'm excited. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to find out. This is going to be hot sauce.

I'm sorry. I'm sauce. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, we will find out what that first pick is, which David Borey has right after this short break. to by Schedule 35, our partner in getting things done. Imagine if you could, let me just take you on a walk. You got a tool, sharpens your focus. It's going to clear your mind up. It's going to

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to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed except of course for make my day with josh gonneman which you should listen to every episode of only after you've caught up on every all fantasy everything obviously of course which all of you have, but then, immediately after, right after, don't even get up to go to the bathroom. Keep the podcast app open. Keep your app open. Keep your finger hovering over play. Hot. Listen to Make My Day with Josh Conley.

Also, Math with Terrence Howard. Listen to Math with Terrence Howard, which is... No, Math with a F. Math. Which gets sent to you on tape, by the way. Yeah, you get. He's got some microfiche he wants you to see. You got to go to the library.

Math. You failed at the library. That's funny. Now, David, you have the first pick in the liquids draft. What will that pick be? It has to be water. It's most of what this whole thing is. I'm going to have to ask now.

It's water's world. We're just living in it. Water world. It was a powerful movie. Predict it. Watch out for the smokers. Ask what you're going to ask Ian because I feel like it's going to. Now, water is going to be in almost every pick because it's one of the things that makes everything liquid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it's such a great pick. I think on water, we do have to cleave down the middle. There are two kinds of water. There are. Potable and non. There's freshwater and saltwater, and then brackish water, which is a little mix of both,

but we're not going to get into the weeds on that, although many weeds grow out of it, such as the mangrove was. David, I think we have to ask you to pick fresh or salt salt salt whoa damn all right it's the majority it's the majority of the earth my it's all salt water yeah everything we're just we're like on the shitty side most that's what most of this is. That's the nature of this place, is salt water. Most of the earth, ocean, the ocean, salt water, for sure. Yes.

That's where all the life is. We're only seeing a part of this up here. That's where it's going down. I usually save this for third dates. The private debts. What? I usually save this for third dates, but what's your favorite ocean? Ooh. I like say this for third dates, but what's your favorite ocean? Ooh.

I like the Atlantic. I'm a Pacific man. Yeah, I'm a Pac-Man myself. Yeah, I'm from Oregon. I'm a Pac-Man. Atlantic Ocean. That's right. Yeah, I like...

I've been to beaches on two sides of the Atlantic Ocean, and it's better than... I loved it. I don't know, man. Okay. I like the Atlantic. I just ride for the Mariana. There will not be a fourth date, just so you know. I don't know, man. Okay. I like the Atlantic. I just ride for the Mariana. I think it's important historically.

This is the deal breaker for you. You're lucky it's not to three, big dog. I don't typically get wined and dined in a parking lot. This is you bring up to argue while you're waiting in line to play mini golf. First day was I took you

to a 7-Eleven to play Street Fighter. And I should have been, that should have been a red flag, but it wasn't. I met my ex playing Street Fighter at a 7-Eleven. So, you know, I was open to it. Second date was a hot air balloon ride. So, you're back in. Yeah, I was like, this guy's rich. And then the third date is just one question in a parking lot.

And if you answer right, then we go immediately to the third date is just one question in a parking lot. And if you answer right, then we go immediately to the fourth date. You answered wrong. So peace. No two people have ever played Street Fighter together at a 7-Eleven and then also been in a hot air balloon. No, no, I think you're right. One person has maybe done both, but no two people have ever engaged in both of those activities together. Definitely not in the same calendar year.

No. For sure. Hot air balloon on a second date is a real make or break.'s a real go high or go by that would be a fucking dope second date though second i don't know if i want to what if they suck and then you're just stuck up there suicide talking to this person who's you just jump out i mean yes you can't do that to the poor second date slash balloon operator yeah god your stakes are higher than mine i think yeah man i'm out here i think there's there's something to respect about a super high stakes second date where it's just like are we in this are we not in this yeah we're doing this

robbing a liquor store yes exactly yeah delivering a stranger's baby breaking into a zoo you got stories killing a guy killing a guy yeah ice skating you know? Lots of high-stakes stuff. Commitments. Commitments. Saltwater is important. Mariana's Trench, that's why I went Pacific. It's deep, just like me. It's very deep. Yeah, it is the ski. Is that where the bing comes out of?

Have you guys heard of that thing? Oh, I don't know where that comes out of. I'm a good bing myself. Yeah. Sean likes to ask Jeeves where the boobs are. Jeeves, hit me with the boobs, bro being stop being stingy bro come on dude i know you got them jeeves jeeves we're all at the party bro we're all here at least show me pictures of dj callan's pajama party? I've probably Googled a similar term at some point. Yeah.

Of course you have. DJ Khaled's pajama party? I've had a search that included four of those words at least. For sure. There's only four words. Yeah, I was going to say there's only four words. Oh, not in that order. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. Khaled's pajama Party DJ. Pajama Khaled's DJ party. I thought his name was Pajama Khaled. That was on me. That was on me. He was on the mixtapes. Like, back in the day, it was Pajama Khaled.

That's the investor for me. P.J. Khaled. You. I want to get some pajamas just to say that now. P.J. Khaled. We need rest. Like, before bed. We need rest. I want to get some pajamas just to say that now. We need rest. Like before bed. We need rest. We need rest.

Saltwater, man. Saltwater is very important. It's where whales live. It's Atlantis. Mermaids are real. They're most likely there. Manatees. It's just most of the things.

Unless you're being human centric. It's most of everything. Day at the beach isn't the same without saltwater. Saltwater taffy. I'm not familiar with saltwater taffy. No, I'm kidding. Okay.

I was like, I thought you and saltwater taffy were good friends. Yeah. Freshwater taffy. Enough savory taffy. Yeah. I'm also, I'm actually into alternative liquid taffies well it'll come up later okay i don't want to do like a nice marinara tap yeah i don't want to be a snob here but

there's better taffies so i like something with a sage in it. Yeah. A lot of people aren't into this, but a cilantro taffy. Some people think it tastes like soap. Some people are cretins. Maybe they should get some culture, bro. I like a soap taffy. Not to be too controversial.

No, I don't know. Some people think it tastes like cilantro. Does that go the other way? Are there people who think soap just tastes delicious on burritos? Maybe. Like if cilantro tastes like soap, what does soap taste like? Maybe like a Dr. Bronner's on some lamb. Ooh, I could do that.

The mint Dr. Bronner's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a nice mint soap jelly yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah could happen this is weird i do think if you're saying cilantro tastes like soap you have to know that soap tastes like soap otherwise you'd use a different frame of reference yeah true you've eaten salt before twist my brain into knots over here i'm not forward hat sean is can't handle these kind of thoughts. No way.

No, no, no, no. I learned about cuisine at Terrence Howard's Mathematics Academy. Mathematics Academy. Mathematics. With an F and an X. Mathematics? There's a couple X's in there. It's triple X.

Three X's. There's an X after the F too they didn't sign with x yeah silent x and saltwater taffy are boys they're in the same they were on the same gang no yeah yeah they were fred hampton's bodyguards big big topic uh big big fucking pick joshelman, it's time for your first pick. Will you take the other water or will you go far afield? I was not counting on saltwater going first. This was, this was, I had two picks.

I had two picks. I'm going to go with Sambui. We don't have to bring any of that up. I'm sorry. We've got a Portland native over here. There's been other bad second picks. I've already drafted Liquid Clyde Drexler. Like the T-1000 Clyde Drexler.

He's a molten metal. I've got to go Freshwater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hit Saltwater a little lower down on my board. I've got to go fresh water yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a little lower down on my board i gotta go fresh water needed to stay alive as you were saying salt water makes up most of the earth fresh water most of our human bodies yeah so i'm gonna go fresh water i feel like uh yeah it's on the board at number two you gotta go with best talent available nobody keeps a tall cool glass of salt water next to the bed.

Not anymore. Just because I stay ready for Passover. Yeah, exactly. Big glass of salt water, a bushel of parsley. Bitter herb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a roasted bone.

Right before bed, I throw on my PJ Khaleds and I pour a nice, warm glass of salt water and I snuggle in. Good to goggle with every now and then. I think most people don't know but like fresh water it's like 80 of your body and the other 20 is pure concentrated power of will wait isn't there pleasure and pain no not in mine dude oh okay remix except for huey lewis who's five percent power of love yeah oh dude 95 percent don that guy's

that guy's got a smoking hog from what I hear. Was that the news? That's for Huey Lewis' nudes. The news is he's got a big hog, dude. The news are all eunuchs. He wouldn't let them have hogs.

He absorbed all their hog power. It's like a twin in utero. You guys go cut your headlines off and you can be in the news go cut your headlines off I'm light headed that's a good time I meant that a lot of people say that's a good time and then they'll be like that wasn't actually a good time

that was a good time and then they'll be like that wasn't actually a good time that was a good time i was laughing no that's straight good uh yeah fresh water i fucking love it plus you can't go to the lake in salt water i mean you can but it's the salt lake and what what kind of ocean to the lake you gotta go all the way to utah water is so good it's like sometimes i probably once a day i'm reminded i'm man, water is so good. Yeah. I have the same thing. My dog wakes up to go out at 3 a.m. every night. And when I bring her in, I have, yeah, it's a nightmare. She's so cute. I let her get away with it.

I would let her get away with it, too, if she was an ugly dog. I wouldn't be like, you can't live here anymore. You're too ugly to be peeing at this time. Know what you look like, dog. Peeing at 3 a.m. is out of your league. But when I come in, I don't drink a whole glass of water because I don't have to pee at 4.30. But I'll fill a glass of water about 25-30%, pound it straight from the fridge, hits the spot every time. It's so good.

Do you have water from the fridge or do you keep water in the fridge we uh keep water in the fridge yeah same yeah not one of those fridges that's just got water on deck naturally god wouldn't that be the life i don't know who those people are i had one growing up and i figured it was like pretty universal i'm doing well now but i'm not doing like water right out of the fridge well man i've always i've always i've always thought about it i wonder how much more expensive that is than a regular fridge you know sometimes you think something's going to be way more expensive and you're like i could have that for 13 more dollars yes no that is not the case i looked at because i got a fridge to move into my current place it's it's not cheap to get the water in there.

Really? All right. I would have thought it was cheaper. You got to hook up like hoses and shit. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a whole thing. Fridges are a whole thing.

All right. Fuck me. Sorry. I'm more of a freezer guy. Love a freezer. Love a deep freeze. You can't keep ice cream in the fridge. No.

Popsicles, meat. Yep. Frozen berries. Yeah. there's a lot of stuff so much good stuff stays in the free samples yeah jeans if you want to like not watch if you're one of those guys who doesn't wash his jeans you can throw them in the freezer i've heard that freezing thing works i've done that with 501s i've never this is such a bummer i just don't want i'd really just don't wash them uh or freeze them or do anything you skateboard in jeans yeah it's super gross i maybe like yeah this is what if it gets hot out maybe like once every like four months i'll wash them how many jeans do you have though do you have a lot now do we talked about it now i got like five

pairs so i'm out okay okay still that doesn't make it good that's a development it wasn't always five per no man i used to like a hell's angel like i would just i would never wash my shit because i i would like them broken in and i was like if i wash them they're gonna change like yeah they're gonna get cleaner but yeah i would just never do the hell's angels do that they don't wash their jeans well they're supposedly it's from the hunter thompson book but they would like, one of the signs, or what was it? Like when you were initiated, you wore a pair of jeans until they fell off you pretty much. Like you couldn't do anything until they basically disintegrated.

And that was like one of the initiation. I've never seen a Hell's Angel looking like thighs out, real distressed jeans. I mean, these are like, I think the crew he was kicking it with were like real so you know maybe they did some shit that i never saw i saw the ones that came through his hoop real fashion forward guys yeah they that seems like a hat forward sean move yeah to have like knowledge about that stuff just a lot of thigh meat hanging out yeah if i mean hanging out of here of your hell's angels initiation jeans didn't they also kiss i don't think so are you serious angels kiss each other yeah i'm 100% serious hold on i don't think so you're 100% serious what percentage concentrated power and

will are you yeah you're not leaving much room for concentrated how much of a reason to remember the name like they did it on some like fringe freak out the square shit hold on keep talking guys i gotta all right uh anyway yeah fresh water is a great pick it's another one like salt water it's almost too big to get into the details of it it's fucking everywhere rain is made out of fresh water rain i love rain that's a great point are they kissing yep nice dude hell yeah didn't freak me out i must not be a square kiss on the whips all right nice they're just kissing they're just kissing thighs all hanging out from that picture it does kind of look like two guys went rogue yeah they're like wouldn't this freak out the squares and they're like actually um aaron let's run away from the

hell's angels together we found what we're looking for. This one's tender. That's what I mean. It just seems like they just seem to love each other. Those guys own a used bookshop in a wine town now. Yeah. Yeah, we went there. Yeah. What was that town called when we did that gig?

Oh, I can't even remember. Hell's Heaven. Hell's Heaven. Sonoma. It was in Sonoma County, but that wasn't the name of the town. Was it? Was that not the town we were in? Josh, if you ever get an opportunity to do a show in a wine town, fucking take it.

It's a delightful little weekend. I love it. I drink a lot of hard ciders. Sounds great. That's what I'm doing these days, so I'm in. I'm a cider man. I'm a cider man. I'm a cider man. Josh, did you go boating growing up or anything like that?

When I was young, I went to a day camp where we would go like canoeing out on this little tiny lake. Yeah. So I have an affinity for lakes. Yeah, I know my way around a boat. I'm not good at it, but I know enough to not be afraid of it. Were you day camps only? You're both Jewish and someone who grew up on the East Coast,

which seems like a recipe for... Yeah, that's camp, right? That's like big camps. We just were... I was just day camps. Yeah. Yeah. I liked showering and, you know,

a nice mattress. Me too. I was day camps only. I went on one, like a go-away camp for like a week when i was in the boy scouts and i it wasn't i had fun there was like fun stuff to do but like overall nishkit not like not like the best time i can't imagine going away for three months like some people would to camp is that how long kids go to camp for like two i think two months two to three weeks yeah Like eight weeks. Yeah.

Damn. I think I could have done it. I think I could have handled it. You could have handled the rigors of a Jewish summer camp. No, I think I would have liked it. In the summertime, I always ended up being bored just like riding a bike around, getting into trouble. You know what I mean? I could have used that.

David Borowitz. Still with a G though, dude yeah that's that's never changed you're coming for andy's crown at the new york yeah dude the borough with that boy and report has a g at the beginning too oh that's fun donald trump is stupid nailed him to the wall dude time for my third pick or my first pick the third pick of the draft water is off the board completely you could go brackish i could i could go brackish that would be a i don't know what that means brackish is way later it's kind of like a mix right yeah yeah like the mouths of rivers inlets you know sometimes bayous sean okay the bayou uh i think i have to go with paint

oh yeah that's a great one that wasn't even on my list wow i gotta go with paint it's it's without it everything would just be the color that it is when it comes out, you know? It's like in houses, on buildings, on vehicles. In hair? In hair. Yep. Fucking paint is so important. And then, so we have the utilitarian aspect of paint,

which is, also there's utilitarian aspects of it. There's like paint that like you can use to shore up the holes of boats and stuff like that against salt water yeah yeah so so they're in salt water so barnacles don't grow on them when they're in salt water then there's also the artistic aspect of paint human expression all the way through the years you know absolutely geez i didn't even didn't even think of that that's wild huge good job yayoi kasimi to leonardo uh de de caprio caprio caprio he's a big pink guy yeah yeah yeah and the crown jewel in this pick paintball pretty fun way to get to know your co-workers

oh man yeah i fucking love paintball yes he does if you're lucky enough, fifth date. That's where you ask that question. Oh, no, that's the third date. My bad, my bad, my bad. Sixth date, paintball, you're in two different hot air balloons. Aggressive hot air balloon paintball. Have you guys ever been to paintball?

No. Yeah, I've not. I have. I went once when I was in sixth grade for this birthday party and i was dressed inappropriately it was horrible oh no did you have shorts on i had really thin sweatpants on just like a hoodie i still gutted it out but i came home and there was just like some welts on my thigh and shit still pretty fun though you should wear a jumpsuit you should wear like a thick jumpsuit or like jeans or not thin sweatpants.

I suppose. You want to wear like jeans and like one of those onesies, like you're going to jump out of a plane or something. Something like that. Well, I think a lot of times that people have their clothes and then they put coveralls over. They should give you coveralls when you go. That's what they did when I went.

It seems like it's kind of on them to be like, hey, you shouldn't play with your skimpy sweatpants. That seems like something they should have said. It's not what they, I don't know what you want from me. They didn't say it. Those aren't paintball guys. That's not my paintball. This was the mob running a bootleg paintball.

Oh, you were in New Mexico? I didn't know that. It wasn't even paint. It was just round chalk. Yeah. Yeah, you wear that and then you put on one of those mortal combat ass masks yeah i was that's what i was playing in my headphones to get me jacked yeah the mortal combat music yeah it was big at the time seventh date i get mortal you get combat matching tattoos

oh god back pieces so at the beach when we stand together they know what time it is for our wedding photos that don't show our face it just says mortal kombat across one of them's johnny cage facing the other way the other sonja blade facing the other and they're kind of like it's like jagged on the side so it looks like an amulet that comes together oh yeah yeah it's gotta be like two become one yep ain't that you get Jack's arms. I mean, yeah, that's, that's man. And then, then marriage. That's what comes after baby in the baby carriage.

Now I've got my Jack's arms. I'm a responsible man. And paint. NASCAR impossible without paint, dude. Trade and paint. Yeah. Trade and paint. What's everyone's, what's everyone's what's everyone's favorite painting off top gun to your head favorite painting sean oh uh starry starry night

it could be the bottom of a skateboard dude if it can be the bottom of a skateboard then it's going to be the first skateboard i ever had it's going to be the cannonball run birdhouse graphic willie santos uh i don't know who did it whoever the artist was for birdhouse at the time but that'll be my favorite painting how about that tell you who did it, whoever the artist was for Birdhouse at the time, but that'll be my favorite painting. How about that? I'll tell you who did it. Paint, bro. Josh, favorite painting. I love the Fernando Botero's Rotund Mona Lisa. The fat, goddammit.

Are you serious? Were you going to say Fat Mona Lisa too? I was going to say the one with the fat guy riding the fat horse. Oh, I love that one. Yeah, fat horse is great. But no, I'll pick another one. Okay. Sorry, I love Botero i love that mona lisa

it's beautiful i feel it you know what i love i love kahinde wiley's obama portrait it is beautiful i saw it i saw it when it was in uh dc at the museum when uh my friend about the time we were there but when i went with my friend julia that you guys met who's like a museum curator or whatever and i saw it in person i thought it was amazing it's really great in the same room that kehinde wiley did at one of ll cool j that i was like this is also amazing he must be the president of somewhere yeah also no he's like all his all his portraits are like pretty incredible but yeah yeah so that's my pick beautiful all beautiful pics i gun to my head fucking anything by banksy dude no uh dude just a rat painted on the side of a bank walking out with money yeah i love that man

because i get it i'm one of the guys who gets it so it's richard nixon wearing a rat mask somebody holding a balloon you know what i mean but like a kid holding a balloon and like you know you get it gas mask bobby like yeah yeah bobby's kissing uh i really like seascape by gerhard richter this song it just really soothes me i have a print of it in my bedroom i love it so much see yeah hell yeah we know about art fuck yeah we're don't don't don't even step to us like we don't know about art dude art garfunkel first of all we know about him yep we keep close tabs on him we know what he's been

up to since simon and garfunkel yeah fart barf knuckle yeah his metal band his hardcore punk group yeah sean knows because they played on a bunch of skate videos. Fart, barf, knuckle, butch hug. Lumpy milk. Oh, God. Quit saying dicks. I mean, you said fart, barf, knuckle, dude. So you started.

Okay, fair. Anyway, sorry. Sean, time for your second or your first and second picks. This is hard for me. This is a hard first pick. Quit talking about your penis, bro. Anyway, sorry. Sean, time for your first and second picks. This is hard for me. This is a hard first pick. Quit talking about your penis, bro. Got him. This goes against my upbringing.

It's tricky. If you pick Boosie, I'm going to punch you in the face. I'm picking Blood for my first pick. Damn. That was second on my big board. Yeah, me too. It's tough for me to say. It's tough.

But I heard, dude, bro. I read. Hold on. Dude, did you guys know that your blood's blue before it comes out? Bro, did you guys know that? Because it is. big board yeah me too it's tough for me to say it's tough but i heard dude bro i read hold on dude did you guys know that your blood's blue before it comes out bro do you guys know that because it is so that's why i can pick it i learned it from an m&m song yeah yeah well i guess that's why they call it windowpane but this is whatever you can hear no there blood man it's what it's what uh you know it's what keeps us going blood and water what's your what's your favorite type uh oh negative okay why yeah is he like six eight lead

singers at least they're a typo negative big dude i'm a typo hero myself yeah it's the most it's the most universal donor they can put it in everyone does everybody in here know their blood type i do i just said it no i just got a bunch of blood work done, too. I don't know mine, either. Yeah. My blood type's Crip, I think. Like you said, it's still blue. Yeah, dude.

You're clud. Yeah, my clud. Your clud type. It's, you know, what do you say about it? You wouldn't have blood in, blood out. You wouldn't have blood sport, Blood Sport 2, Blood Sport 3. I just watched that three days ago. Blood Sport or Blood In, Blood Out?

Blood In, Blood Out with my friend Luke. Is that the one with Miklo in it? Yep. Shout out to Dookie. We sat down and we're like, let's watch this three-hour movie. It's on YouTube. It's so gnarly. Anyway.

Bob Dylan's album, Blood On The Tracks, would have to be called like Pee On The Tracks or something. Blood On The Tracks, different album. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kanye would have to be called like P on the Tracks or something. Kanye would have had to call it Come on the Leaves. Blood Sugar Sex Magic would just be called Sugar Sex Magic? No thanks. That's still a pretty good situation. That's the same album.

I never really understood why Blood was in that title. It seems out of place. The other three are like, yeah, Blood. Or is it Blood Sugar? Is it a song about diabetics oh yeah Anthony Kiedis is all right trying to hump after you had a candy bar that's what that's about that's right yeah man uh blood and cratering I guess for the sake of uh moving along brevity uh I'm my second pick it's a little, but I'm going to pick Happy Tears. Wow.

Saltwater off the board. Can we do tears? They're different. They are different. Tears are different. Yeah, Happy Tears. All right, we'll allow it. Happy Tears is great.

Yeah, I love a Happy Tear. During quarantine, I've had probably the most of my whole life. Just, I don't't know john loves pandemics yeah big south dakota no i just guy during all this you have to like kind of journey i guess there's one of two ways people are handing handling this and i like to think i'm handling it in a positive way where it's like a journey inward and uh try to find more positive in life than i ever looked for before because you have to look even harder now than you did. And, uh, yeah, I've, I've had a lot of happy tears and just with life events and things. And, uh, yeah, so happy tears. I love them. I think they're great for everybody.

You should cry, cry if you need to in a bad way too. There's no real bad way to cry, but, uh, happy tears are great. Let yourself cry. You know, that's what I think. That's beautiful. Yeah. Thanks bud. What was the last thing you happy teared about oh i don't know probably the ending of the uh christmas chronicles oh i cried at paddington i watched that like three days ago yeah i bet you did it was great right i cried a few times in paddington in the beginning i cried i don't want to wreck everything but uh there was weren't happy tears but i knew at the end i would cry happy tears but yeah yeah i had a couple happy tears this weekend yeah did you what were they about i was yeah i um the the hold steady the band did like live stream concerts they always play in brooklyn this weekend yeah brooklyn bowl and they

did live stream concerts and that always pulls the feelings right out of me oh man yeah i've happy to hear the concerts a bunch sometimes because of Molly, oftentimes not. You know, sometimes it's just great to be with your friends. Yeah. I've happy tiered on this podcast five, six times. Really? When? Minneapolis and Denver specifically, like live. A lot of happy tiers in Denver.

Yeah, Denver. I was like, I could not get it. We're sitting right next to you. I totally forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Happy tiers after the show in Detroit, for sure. That was gnarly.

Happy tiers in the Saltwater Troit for sure that was gnarly happy tears no saltwater taffy and that other dude he's got him tattooed down as it's like an ironic sort of happy and just each tier is a letter it says happy tears those little smiley faces in them uh so yeah i was uh i was worried that would be i mean it is saltwater but thank you for letting it ride i think it rides yeah absolutely a little different and it's you know goes towards the good vibes of the situation so happy tears time for my second pick sad tears well i guess blood's already off the board but we'll allow it fucking sean's sean's sad tears dude i fucking thrive on them. This is a problematic fave, but it's one we fucking need. I'm taking oil.

Yeah, that was on mine too. Mine too, for sure. Crude oil, specifically. The kind that gets turned into gasoline, and then gets distilled and turned into plastics. Listen, we're not in a... It's one of the great curses of our existence, absolutely.

But it's also brought us so many necessary things. Anytime you drive a car, fly in a plane, take them, take most ships somewhere, use a plastic container, you know, chug crude oil.

Shout out to college, man. Nights. We'll never remember with people. We'll never forget. Houston rap scene. Wouldn't be the same without the word oil so like that's true too i just it's just an it's just an important pick yeah yeah it's huge the magnitude of it is amazing

this is much more practical than i had anticipated and i'm pretty stoked about it this is good some of the few remaining barons we have, thanks to oil. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. The aforementioned Baron Davis, big oil head. Baron Davis. Baron Davis and oil barons. Baron Davis, Baron Trump. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's true. We wouldn't have the audacity of Dubai without oil. You know? And it's fun to think about Burj Khalifa. That's a tall building. Yeah. Yeah.

Dubai is a bummer, though, if you start peeling back. Oh, yeah. You don't have to peel back too many layers. is that the one that's a bummer though if you start peeling back oh yeah you don't have to peel back too many layers i guess it really is a huge bummer you mean because takashi69 filmed that music video there right that's why you're no i like that's my favorite dubai anecdote okay too cool yeah yeah no man fast six or whatever where they would jump the buildings that's the best dubai moment right that's in singapore i thought that was dubai isn't it i mean i'm gonna watch fast six right after this No, man. Fast Six or whatever, where they would jump the buildings. That's the best Dubai moment, right? That's in Singapore. I thought that was Dubai. Isn't it?

I mean, I'm going to watch Fast Six right after this. We should take a break and watch Fast Six. We'll stay on the mics. We'll stay on the mics. I've been watching it the whole time. It's just on. Are we not watching Fast Six right now? Don't we each pick a fast and then watch it in the background? Is that not how we've been doing this podcast for the last four years?

Try not to be distracted, bro bro my next pick is family uh yeah oil well i mean there's there's there's not a lot there's not a lot like i i don't think about oil all the time but i fucking certainly use it all the time. Oil. Josh, time for your second pick. Second pick, shooting up the draft board this year, I think we're going for the upside play, vaccines. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's great. Man, I feel you guys are making me feel like an absolute caveman with my picks.

Oh, man, happy tears are more important than vaccines. You're all good. Happy tears rules. I'm looking at my list. I'm like, dude. Is your next one Mountain Dew Code Red? Then they would judge. He already picked happy tears.

We're getting there. Yeah, vaccines. You forget they're wet. They're wet. Yeah. You never feel the wet. No. No.

I don't know what they smell like. It's wet in the wet. Yeah. It's wet don't know what they smell like it's wet and wet yeah right it's wet to wet yeah go straight from wet to wet dude i got my flu shot this year and it hurt it hasn't hurt for a long time but it like i don't know what i don't know what the deal was but it like burned a little bit it's because you're jacked now dude because you've been in the gym there's a lot more muscle to get through did you ask for a double? They'll give you a double if you ask. Yeah, they'll give you a double. I got a flu shot with a gin back, actually. Yeah.

I didn't pickle back. Yeah. No, I've been reading about that. That's the way to go. Yeah. Okay, everybody's favorite vaccine. No, I'm just joking. Tetanus.

What are you guys going to do? What's your first thing? I know this has been like a Twitter thing, but what is everyone's first thing gonna be when they get that vaccine i think karaoke party yes oh man i'm gonna try to figure out a way to see my family oh yeah yeah i think i was gonna say go to a movie but yeah i'll probably have to go back home and see mom too false yeah i'll have to go to i'm yeah portland for sure what about non-visiting the family pics. What's like a movie, movie theater? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I just like running errands by myself a lot.

Yeah. Like it's just like a very calming thing to be out in public but be by yourself doing shit. I miss like that kind of thing, you know? Or like, oh, I got a meeting on the west side. Maybe I'll go take a walk by the beach and grab lunch before i come home just like yeah you my autonomy moving about the city i miss absolutely i think karaoke is a great one concert too i can't wait to go to a concert i miss them so much to be that guy but also a stand-up show oh yeah wait that where all the

where the whole audience didn't pay 150 a ticket or whatever everybody's charging yeah price gouging it's really funny that none of us for stand-ups didn't pick stand-up but like uh but yeah the price gouging thing is crazy i hate that happening in la for drive-in shows yeah they charge like per car right so it's like exorbitant yeah but even some of these outdoor shows it's like pretty exorbitant it's not cool because then of these outdoor shows, it's like pretty exorbitant. It's not cool because then it's like, who are we doing this for?

But yeah, so yeah, I forgot what we were talking about. Whatever. Yeah, I'm off the tracks right now. It's also the only pick that rhymes with Maxine, which is a powerful name. That's important. Very powerful.

That's important. Wait, whose turn is it? I all confused yours i think david's with the back-to-back so tell me if this is okay because ian picked one type of this i want to pick cooking oil yeah that's totally okay yeah i think it's one of the most inventive things we've done as humans i think it's amazing how we learned how to do it how we did it independently of each other in different places but it still became this one thing that we use all the time frying is neat it's just like really interesting to me and a thing that we've done forever and that we're probably gonna do forever yeah it's part of our daily life

so yeah cooking oil i think we'll allow that as an umbrella pick even though it's several different kinds but i think we definitely allow that like yeah i mean i can i can pick a specific one if you want i just if i was able to take vaccines as an umbrella you can have we're not gonna make you pick a specific one but if you had to what would which which oil would you go with uh i would go with palm oil because in sierra leone that's a big thing that they do it's like a big part of daily life is they use palm oil for everything and they extract it from the palm kernels and stuff.

But it's like olive oil is just as important or whatever. You know what I mean? I'm an olive oil guy myself. What is the huge difference between like there's like olive oil and then like what's the other kind of oil that people mix up like cooking oil or something? Veget vegetable oil what's the big what's the big difference just

what they get it from yeah and a lot of them have different like i forget the exact term but points where they start burning so you can cook at different like temperatures with them yeah like if you're gonna fry you need an oil with a really high smoke point yeah that's why you don't fry with olive oil because it has a low smoke point but it's good chicken the other night with olive oil and it like it burned onto the pan and maybe that was why it's not you got to use vegetable oil or like corn oil or just straight fat yeah this whole draft has been a ruse for me to sneak in that i did fry some chicken the other night how'd it come out out here cooking it was good man it was when i was quarantining so the queen had to stay at her brother's so i was off the leash for like five days and i made myself fried chicken and green

beans and uh it was dope i was i was stoked i'm trying to i'm trying to figure out the differences between olive oils now i can't really i'm not that deep in the game like virgin extra virgin yeah yeah i think i know there is though right like there's a difference between because really really good olive oil you can just take like a little bit of another liquid and dip bread in it. Yeah. Shit like that. But I don't think you can do that with like your base olive oils. I think the higher ones aren't

necessarily for cooking as much. Okay. Like the really, really nice ones. They're for like drizzling over ice cream or dipping bread into. Yeah, I think, but I don't know, man. Because the kind of websites i go to their gift guides often like recommend really dope olive oils and i'm like what what does this mean right if someone gave that to me as a gift i would i wouldn't be mad but i would be like

this gift is nicer than i know what to do yeah. I don't have the other things that I need to enjoy this. I might have to give this to a richer person than me. I'm going to re-gift this to my boss and just hope. Yeah. And then he's going to re-gift it to the head of the network and then it'll be like so on and so on. He's got like a whole shelf of gift olive oils that have been up-gifted.

It's like a sisterhood of the traveling pants kind of situation. They get sent to Hina Garten to recommend and it's just this vicious cycle yeah i've had olive oil drizzled over vanilla ice cream though and that's really good i bet i've had an olive oil cake that's a good guess so fucking good so good oh olive oil cake is you know who has a good olive oil cake weirdly enough is tender greens yes they do yes their olive oil cake is, you know who has a good olive oil cake? Weirdly enough, it's Tender Greens. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Their olive oil cake is fantastic.

It's rich. It's really, really good. Yeah. Yeah. Can't be getting it all the time, but every now and again. One time mid-diet, I got the wrong, I was giving myself a mini cheat night where I just ordered a chicken salad from Tender Greens, and they showed up with the wrong order, and it was like falafels and that olive oil cake. And I was like, ah. You motherfuckers.

I ate it. I ate it. Yeah. You have to. God gave that to me. God delivered it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excellent.

And your third pick, David. Oof. Yep. My third pick. Know what? I'm not going to be that guy today. My third pick is Mercury. Oh, what? Huge. know what i'm not gonna be that guy today my third pick is mercury oh what

which guy weren't you gonna be and i know what you were gonna say and it's so funny i kind of think i know which guy you're not gonna be yeah yeah don't yeah i think we all know yeah someone might be that guy later so let's just i think somebody i somebody else can have it i'm not i'm not trying to force it mercury sometimes it doesn't work if you force it mercury what for thermometers for all kinds of shit that's amazing have you ever seen it i don't know naturally i've seen it it's beautiful it's incredible it's liquid metal that naturally occurs it's amazing but i got i have a list of things that they put it in go on let me just pull this back up because i knew that there was going to be backlash on my Quicksilver pick.

You didn't pick Quicksilver. That's what Mercury is, dick. Yeah, a schooner is a sailboat, you dumb bastard. Hold on. This downtime is really giving me time to reflect on and regret that how much I feel bad that I called David an open jug. It's okay. He's an open jug. He's kind of an open jug. I think an open jug is a good thing. Yeah. I meant it as a good thing. What bad has ever been in an open jug? What bad? Jenkum. Oh, Jenkum. You guys don't remember all that? Sorry. I had a different

upbringing. Piss. Prison stuff is in open jugs. I was literally about to say kombucha. Listeners can see it, but David is often drinking from an open jug. I feel less bad now. Oh yeah, I drink so much water. Yeah, it's like a huge jug that covers most of his camera frame. Yeah, it's a giant jug. Takes a swig from it.

You gotta get like a gallon in you a day. It's one of those office water bottle things or water cooler things. The water cooler. Okay. Working hard or hardly working. I was talking about

the scuttlebutt. You guys see the undoing? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Firearms, cosmetics, fluorescent lamps, electron tubes. Everything must go. This is a weird store.

Who lied about they graduated college and this is all the classes they took. Transit telescopes, medical thermometers still, but not the regular ones. Right. The medical ones. It's just like a lot of stuff in science that you can use it for. It's a wild looking thing. Look at it. I've seen it.

It's beautiful, man. it's beautiful man it's that t-1000 shit for sure i love it don't get me wrong poisonous it's very poisonous it'll kill your dad so all you kids trying to take shots of mercury to be like the rappers don't care what terrence that is not mercury you can't drink you can't drink math simple mathematics right there do not drink mercury do not no matter right no matter what you see little merc doing in the video yeah he that is that they added that in post it was just water he doesn't even drink alcohol he's mormon isn't isn't that fucked up when you find out rappers don't even like drink or anything and then talk about that kind of stuff i feel like it happens more and more i've seen the game fake chug like four bottles

of vodka on the internet i'm like you're an asshole yeah someone just mentioned that 50 cent does that recently because he has a liquor brand and doesn't drink yeah he doesn't drink at all look at his body of course he doesn't drink these guys are like that guy's not at least vince staples is like honest about it and kendrick right yeah yeah kendrick is honest about it that's what i like because you know their bodies look the way they do just because they don't drink in their temples i just wanted to say body josh you can pick up how he said bodies body look at 50 cents body it makes your body feel weird doesn't it makes my body feel weird makes my body feel weird, doesn't it? It makes my body feel weird. It makes my body feel bad. I don't even think if that's how we're saying body, I don't know that I have one. Yeah.

What if that's how rappers started to say body? Oh, I bodied you. Just so gentle. Sorry if it hurt when I bodied you. Gentle but threatening. It's cashmere handcuffs. Yeah, mercury. Quicksilver. Cashmere handcuffs mercury quicksilver look out for uh action bronson's forthcoming album cashmere handcuffs josh time for your

third pick okay i've got uh i've gone medical i've gone natural yeah you know kind of necessity uh freshwater um vaccine one for you gotta get one for you i've i'm gonna just go one that i think is majestic beautiful i'm going magma oh damn it that's such a good pick i was thinking about picking that last and then i was like no i could save it for a whole geez that didn't make my shit either that is so good it's earth forming it's earth forming igneous rock yeah yeah volcanoes just some of the coolest things that earth does yeah i just yeah like whenever you see it in a documentary you're like i want to scoop it up in my hands but it would char my arm off do you know how many 4k tvs magma has sold just by being shown at a

best buy get one right here just Just a British accent and magma, and that does the whole trick. And you're like, that's all I'm gonna watch. Yeah, if there was a magma, like, you know they have a fireplace channel, basically? They should just have magma channel. Yeah. Earth's fireplace. It's good in a closeup shot,

when you see it kind of like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's good from far away when it's like, and it like, it looks like a firework. I also like the flow, like when it follows the, it's good from far away when it's like and it like it looks like a firework it's like like the flow like when it follows the it's just the river magma shows up camera ready yeah yeah it does one take it needs one take it's all all you get is one take but it's all you need youtube magma like swallowing cars and stuff like they have it like going down the road and it'll just swallow a car and it just looks so beautiful yeah listen i've also hung out with zach tiscani we've all hung out with him our friend zach that's all he'll throw the weirdest shit on

youtube when we're all hanging out but it works the best it's really the best yeah like like shipping close calls and then you'll be there for an hour watching close calls with ships and you're like yeah this is yeah this is really interesting time well spent i'm not baked but i still like it i can't imagine how much you enjoyed it magma is a great pick thank you not to mention and this has come up on this podcast briefly before but how delicious does it look oh yeah it looks so good oh how bad do you want to eat magma i want to put it on some like like a sourdough loaf oh my god Or like a ciabatta with some cheese on top. Yeah, just dip like a fondue. Yes, magma fondue, man.

It looks like it should fill up all your hearts on Zelda. Also, shout out to magma fondue, small-time blaxploitation movie star. Absolutely, yeah. Magma fondue. It was like the cheap version of Foxy Brown. He became a furrier. My name's magma fondue it was it was like it was like the cheap version of foxy brown yeah my name's magma fondue and i'm a lot of ladies

i'm a bunch of girl instead a whole lot of women i'm magma fondue and i'm a bunch of girl that sounds so like i'm greater than sign woman it worked on paper it was better on paper I'm greater than sign woman. It worked on paper. It was better on paper. She's like looking at the script. Like, do I say greater than sign?

Just look, it plays great on the page, but how do I say it? Oh man, we've come too far to not say it. No, there's a molten lava cake. It shares so few of the properties of actual molten lava, but we want to believe.

Yes. We want to just know we could eat it. Isn't that just like loose chocolate and some firm chocolate? That's kind of the, yeah. Yeah. That's my album coming out like Nelly did Sweatsuit. I'm doing loose chocolate, firm chocolate, R&B and rap. Do an entire diarrhea themed album.

chocolate r&b and rap do an entire diarrhea themed album you'd be like over in your friend's house who has kids their toddler would walk out and yell out loose chocolate and you'd be like and the parents would be like oh no no no no no skylar go back in your room. I'll be right there. Don't step anywhere. I'm sorry your kid has diarrhea, but they call it loose chocolate. You need to leave. Mike Williams just presented diarrhea all over the bathroom, so get out of here. How are you raising your child?

You must have taught them that. Yeah. Loose chocolate. What are they, Pablo Neruda? They didn't come up with that poem that would be so funny uh daddy lose chocolate all right dinner's canceled daddy lose thanks for coming uh i know the bus doesn't come for like an hour but you gotta go wait outside or something this has only happened a few times oh yo daddy loose chocolate oh boy daddy loose chocolate daddy loose chocolate was uh willie wonka's original name yes well that's what they call it in Canada, actually. It's surprising. When you're like Willy Wonka and the chocolate, you mean Daddy Loose Chocolate?

Daddy Loose Chocolate? Mars, you can confirm, right, Marissa? Can vouch, can vouch. Loose Chocolate, dude. There's a whole river of Loose Chocolate. Get ground up. That's probably the funniest thing that's ever been said. It's not pee, but it is flowing from your body.

Body. that's ever been said it's not pee but it is flowing from your body also don't call pics in advance right let's leave diarrhea sorry that's true i'll get mad speaking of pics it's time for my next one and i'm gonna be that guy i'm gonna be that guy and i'm gonna do it i'm gonna take jizz yeah somebody had to do it somebody had to do it i was talking to lauren i was like oh yeah come and she goes i hope that doesn't get picked i go it will it's gotta get picked it's the life force that's true of course it does it makes it doesn't have to be a gross thing it's it worked out all well for all of us didn't it none of us are here without jizz i hate unfortunately it's true everyone is half cum on their biological father's side. Yeah.

I'm cum on my dad's side. I'm on my dad's side. Yeah, yeah. I'm egg on my mom's side. Yeah. Cum last name, though. Cum last name. I took the cum last name.

My name's Ian Cum Jizz. We're hyphenated. Wait, Cum Jizz. No, Cum Egg. Jizz Egg. Hyphenated. Hyphenated. It's giving me loose chocolate oh yeah i mean i don't know if there's much to say about it but you're right i said it's good i mean yeah of course obviously had to go had to happen sometimes it does have to go when you said that guy david is that what you're talking about

yeah of course that's what i was talking about i figured yeah i did not realize that's what you're talking about it was not it wasn't on my board even and it's an oversight i backed myself into a corner where i have to say these things sometimes on this podcast i got you i got you yeah yeah thank you somebody because somebody had to pick it it's not like had to get picked stuff's not gross you're gross if you think stuff is gross listen i'm right down the road i'll share your load you know what i mean thank you thank you i took the load off i put the load right on you yeah that's right is this all about come yeah yeah i'm just saying take a load for

free yeah 215 episodes and you take that as you will okay and and and you put your load right on me. Sean, time for your third and fourth picks. Ask Tiz. A serpentine draft. Okay. I know it got said, but can I pick hot sauce? I know it's been said already, but I got to take it. You knew you were going to take hot sauce? Yeah.

Hot sauce is great. Do I have to be specific or is it just hot sauce? I think if we're allowing, you know. Okay. We do a little sub draft and we can all pick our favorite hot sauce maybe? Sure. I think we should. Yeah. You first. Yeah. I'm going to go Valentina's. You know. Okay. We do a little sub-draft and we can all pick our favorite hot sauce maybe? Sure. I think we should. Yeah.

You first. Yeah. I'm going to go Valentina's. You motherfucker. I don't even know Valentina's. It's fire. It's fire. It's thick and it's cheap.

And it pours heavy. Do you like the black one or the gold one? The gold one. The black one's, it's like the black one's where you're getting to the point where you're like, who am I trying to prove? It's my mouth. Oh, is it really hot? No, I love the black one. Yeah. Yeah to the point where you're like who am i trying to prove it's my mouth oh is it really hot no i love the black one yeah yeah it's just with real spicy

it's got up it's got a wide mouth in it it just pours it just pours really well it's thick and it doesn't it doesn't you describe how it pours with a wide mouth you have to use your mouth has to be wide i want to hear oh yeah oh no like i can i put my lips together to say the words that's the guy who says body that's yeah that's oh it's all the same thing you want to hear something that makes ian laugh all the time josh when i go like this they always get them i don't know what it is but it it always gets them. I like to. David, what's yours? What?

Oh, my pick then. I guess I'd have to say crystals. If it's not Valentino crystals. Josh? I'm going to be real basic. I keep a big sriracha in the house. Not the basics. I put it on everything.

I love it. Cartwheel? It's my favorite sweet one. I got to go one two punch with a couple of portland favorites marshall's hot sauce which is a portland local and then and then aardvark which is also another portland sauce both fucking amazing yeah dude i've yeah well i don't want to bring it up because it's another pick but i'll get to it later i hot sauce and another liquid i've talked about it on this podcast before amazing combination

yeah it's jizz goes down easier but if i had to go mainstream hot sauce i would have to go chalula i just fucking love it chalula is like a dialed back valentina like if you like chalula you would like valentina valentina's just like thicker but Also, shout out another Portland. I just bought some from Ivan Cito's Salsa Factory. It's really good. Like more salsa, not hot sauce necessarily, but like in the same vein. Fantastic. Check them out if you need a second. Excellent. And your fourth pick, Sean.

Oh wait, before you get to your fourth pick, Josh, Sean puts hot sauce on his salad sometimes. Does that strike you as weird? It's definitely unconventional yeah but i can see how it would be good it yeah it is it is and part of it was me trying to muscle through sometimes a salad where sure i don't want to use the calories of say a different liquid so uh hot sauce very low caloric intake so you know i would do that i've had like a buffalo

chicken salad with a hot sauce on it. So it's like, I've dipped my toes into that world for sure. Yeah, you need to dip your whole body in that one. That's, get your body in there. I don't even know it sometimes. All right, Sean, on to your fourth pick. Fourth pick, I'm picking a nice,

expensive, good whiskey. A whiskey? A whiskey. What brand? Black Velvet? I'm going to say, yeah, yeah just a big like a more expensive means bigger bottle right so just like a bathtub or whatever it is you like to drink like like a bathtub of old crow early times i don't like a whiskey that sounds like you should

drink it in the morning yeah that's that's what it's for. It's for the morning. Yeah, breakfast. It's just called breakfast skiing. You guys, who wants a glass of breakfast skiing? Rise and moonshine. I'll pick Johnny Blue because I have good memories of when Shane did the half hour and he got him a bottle of Johnny Blue and we all sat and sipped on it. And it was good, like just a good sipping. You know, you're not trying to get plowed. Just devil's out advocate. As far as times I've drank whiskey with you yeah would you say you like the good whiskey or the bad whiskey better good good because you don't you know you don't have the effects in the morning

are different that's that's what i took me a long time to realize is like the better it is or the more expensive it is the better it, the better your body can process it. Cause you know, it's poison. So it's like, if you were a rich man, you'd be drinking the blue all the time. Yeah.

Why? Cause I remember I was with Jay Larson one time and he goes, you're a whiskey guy. And I go, yeah, yeah, I'll get us a shot. And he goes,

all right, cool. And I brought him back like just whatever bottom of the barrel they had. And he took a drink. He goes, this doesn't make you a whiskey guy. This makes you like a drunk guy. And he he goes i'll go get a nice one and he came back with like a it was like 40 bucks or something that the shot that he got and i knocked it back

and he goes dude you sip it i was like oh we're different then tell it to my belly you just went up and ordered whiskey you're not even a specific kind like i was like i was at cheers or something well two wells please no one's paid to sponsor this show so we're drinking whiskey and beer yeah uh yeah nothing nothing too nothing too hard to dive in on that's your favorite liquor yeah yeah and it's like the more you grow, the more it can be like, it's a warmer, warms the body, which is nice. Yeah. I just enjoy it.

It makes me feel distinguished, which I don't feel a lot. So if I get a nice sippy one at a nice restaurant or something, I always feel one of those big ice cubes. I'm like, tight. Yeah. That's the term sippy. In one of those cups with a lid. They bring it, I go, excuse me, this doesn't have a lid on it apparently i've never been here before can i have a sippy cup sometimes i make liquid

chocolate what do you recommend for a zippy whiskey excuse me waiter liquid chocolate uh direct me i want a sippy whiskey but i don't want to have loose chocolate tomorrow what is what would you say i still feel like i should call my mom hey mom uh loose chocolate just letting you know i'll handle it i'm 39 but you know putting you on the radar just keeping you on the radar just no keeping in the loop mom you say i never call yeah yeah say i never give you any good news well oh man whiskey some of the best nights some of the worst mornings excellent pick uh time for my fourth pick

i'm going to take something that's been a huge climber for me lately. Really leaped to the front of my board. Tea. I'm taking tea. Yep. I love it. Great. It's in that same alley of I feel not distinguished, but I just feel grown up when I make some tea.

There's a method to it. You kind of develop your way. You've got to wait to drink it yeah yeah yeah you have to be paid you have to boil it's like a reward and you it's like a ritual do you have a ritual that you've been doing with it i mean i have i have a tea for every reason and every season i probably drink three to four cups of tea a day maybe yeah three probably on average but sometimes four so like i have a i have a breakfast one when I go out for my first meeting of the day. I'll go just drink tea and sit on my porch, my back porch. And these are non-caffeinated, right?

All of them are non-caffeinated. This is the first caffeinated tea I've had in ages. But like, yeah, non-caffeinated. Shout out to, what is it? What is the Smith? Stephen Smith Tea Company in Portland. Stephen A. Smith. Stephen A. Smith. Yeah, Stephen. Peppermint tea. what is the smith stephen smith tea company in portland stephen a smith stephen a smith

yes peppermint tea do you think he's ever had tea yeah i feel like he puts on a silk robe when he gets home and has a cup of tea oh yeah sleepy time tea he drinks shouty time yeah he's like indignant about it there's a bear on the cover just screaming at skip bayless things of that nature organic tea leaves god that's awesome shouty time tea that's so fucking funny camel meal i would pay a lot of money to have him pronounce most teas yeah it's beautiful i knew you had a regiment with say different liquids so it was fun to see the tea regiment uh i like that and i love i love it in the morning and then one and then one in the

evening sure the tea evening the tea evening yeah the tea absolutely and carmel oh shit i wanted to change my uh twitter name for the first time in a long time yeah i t off all the time man it's historically a very important thing like it was a huge trade piece like back in the day like tea was very important with like trade with like china and stuff like that the brits they fucking love tea it's just it's historically important and personally important as well tea favorite tea thank you for asking peppermint peppermint yep i'm a peppermint guy over here i love peppermint tea we watched muppet christmas carol and had peppermint tea last night it's exactly what was up what a night

yeah just cozy just just being cozy i love these nights you're having by the way i love it yeah patented nights we watched iron giant the other day yeah just beautiful little evenings in there's a documentary on this like the first male porn star by ron giant he was i thought he was the guy that tried to get a competitor to scientology off the ground ron giant dude yeah it was math it was it was terence howard it was mathematics mathematics mathematics dude f and x uh josh time for your fourth pick. Okay. I had bourbon. I had whiskey on the board as well. I was going to say seltzer, but I have fresh water. Fresh water becomes seltzer so easily with a soda stream. I don't like seltzer, but yeah, I feel you.

So I feel like it's almost a duplicative with what my team already is. I'm between two. God, you're cool. This is fun. I'm between two. Thank is fun i'm between two thank you i'm between two i think i'm gonna go you you guys got me in a beverage mood i'm gonna go with iced coffee oh yeah yeah you can take coffee you can you know what you can have coffee i'll take i'll take coffee i prefer iced coffee yeah but if i if i have the choice to have all coffees i'm not gonna i'm not gonna leave that

on the table. Yeah. I'm putting iced tea. I'm counting iced tea in my tea bag. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Dude, iced coffee, I don't care how cold it is. Give it to me. I do not care.

I like a hot coffee just as much. But iced coffee, I love it. Are some people like this iced coffee is too cold? No, no, no. But like in the winter, they'll drink hot coffee. You want a hot drink. Oh, okay, okay. I thought you meant people were like, I don't want, this is too cold no no but like in the winter they'll the winter you want a hot drink I thought you meant people were like I don't want this is too cold for me this is like an ice cube my I guess soon-to-be in-laws got me an iced coffee

like I can make my own iced coffee at the crib now and it's sick awesome that's the ritual that I was talking about with ian was his coffee ritual but like it's so fun just to i just to have a ritual of coffee ritual i love it my coffee rituals i would rake a a stone garden and then hit a gong honor my ancestors and then make a uh press i sacrifice a live goat yeah and then i go to dunkin donuts and get a nice coffee i actually bring back to life a sacrificed goat so it's it's pretty and then i yeah and then i go unfortunately we're at like uh zero emissions on this between the two of us yeah my vote cancels yours dude yeah west coast ice coffee is fucking perfect that used to when i used to still drink coffee that was the one i

would fucking hit i love it i mean i loved a hot coffee also hot sauce and coffee that was the combination i was talking about i'll still get a decaf just because i love the flavor of having eaten hot sauce and then what it does to your mouth and then taking a drink of coffee it's like a fun sensation and flavor combination interesting yeah i was gonna ask you that have you do you mess with decaf at all just for the taste of coffee yeah i'll get like uh my queen and i will walk and go get she'll get a regular flat white and i'll get like a decaf flat white and we'll just have ourselves a have ourselves an afternoon yep i feel that what's your favorite way to get coffee josh is it straight up a nice coffee like more than any of the other like fancy drinks yeah very very regular iced coffee i like

a cold brew like i'll drink a cold brew or like kind of a fancied up one but i just like i mean like we talked about it already i've had dunkin donuts bathrobe i'm i like a big weak iced coffee that you can just drink for a while just throw a little milk in it um maybe like one pump of sweetener as a treat i've been going during the pandemic i'm taking my my serotonin where i can find it i'll go sugar-free toasted almond flavor shot lately yeah i like that it's been really nice but i like um like even just a black iced coffee not too strong and just you drink it for a while that's what i enjoy yeah okay yeah it out over the day yeah yeah because i i'll go to those

like uh i live in a part of brooklyn with like a lot of like fancier coffee shops and if i try to drink a nice coffee while i work you know it's smaller so you finish it faster and it's way more caffeine and i'm just like buzzing it's jet fuel those fancy coffee shop ones are insane yeah some town some town will do like a mix have you ever had like a iced coffee carbonated with like a citrus flavor in it i tried the the there's a blue bottle not far from here and they did one with like tonic water yeah um and i like i tried it once and i was like this is interesting but i think i would have to practice liking it a hundred percent i practiced and i got to that point but you definitely have to practice liking it that's the most accurate yeah that's funny fuck yeah coffee hell yeah

uh david time for your fourth and then your final picks the final round of course a speed round uh my fourth pick is gonna it's the cornerstone of a lot of things that we make i'm picking milk yeah yeah it's it's the whole dairy industry yeah yeah so much stuff so much stuff comes from it uh and i don't even drink milk like that some would say this is like a boozy pick for me plus it's around the corner from where fudge is made yeah that's well let's not say my last pick oh Sorry, sorry, sorry. Loose chocolate. Daddy, loose chocolate. Daddy! Daddy! Loose chocolate! Loose chocolate!

It's on my body! Yeah. Where on your body? Everywhere, Daddy. For some reason, your kid voice freaks me out. Yeah, it's not good. It does sound a little bit like a, like I know you're saying daddy, but it sounds like a murderous orphan. Yeah.

Yeah. It's something about it that makes me uncomfortable. Daddy. Yeah. Daddy, your throat's bleeding. Oh, man. Loose blood. Yeah, milk.

But you eat milk products. You like cheese. You like a cheese, right? Yeah, I eat cheese sometimes. Yeah. I don't really ever drink milk. I was eating Greek yogurt for a while, but now i'm not really doing that either but yeah i've been drinking a lot of milk during all this because i've been skating so much more and so i

don't know i feel like it helps i don't know why i feel that way but helps your bones all those commercials yeah i can't drink a glass of milk anymore i can't it's it's a lot for me i haven't tried in a long time they hammered us with milk when we were kids yeah i remember i can't it's it's a lot for me i haven't tried in a long time they hammered us with milk when we were kids i remember i never got it i think because my mom's african it just wasn't like it was like we'd have it for cereal but or she put some in her tea but other than that i just never really drank milk i was hitting the gallon out of the fridge. Damn. That homogenized. We were drinking glasses of milk in my house too, the kids.

My parents wouldn't and I'd be like, why do I? And for a while it was skim, which is like that's not a that beverage does not quench. No. It does not seem like skim milk grosses me out. Does not satisfy one bit. It's all No. It does not seem like, skim milk grosses me out. Does not satisfy one bit.

It's all cloudy. It's weird. Cookies and milk though, I mean, things with milk are still good. Cake and a glass of milk, come on. Yeah.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. And it's in cooking, it's in cooking so many different things. Yeah, it's like the cornerstone of so much shit. Hard to do a season of Bake Off without milk.

Exactly. You guys watch bake-off no fucking big but i understand the premise i dip in and out you should watch it david sean you would love it yeah i've been dabbling i watched a little with you guys oh that's right uh david time for your final pick lightning round final pick lightning round uh beer beer great pick yeah great yeah it is what needs to be said half of a half of a ludicrous album fantastic josh your final pick embalming fluid oh okay i'm not trying to mumble by it's 2020 damn yeah that's great also dip your blunts in there yeah yeah dude yeah man get some of that

gorilla piss dude beanie siegel used to do this yeah that feels very early aughts yeah it is it's like um original recipe for loco yeah it was a little bit of embalming fluid some zinc and some mercury actually yeah my final pick wine great for drinking cooking i'd like to see you celebrate the super bowl without a bottle of champagne hard to do hard to do nobody's pouring milk on each other except at the indianapolis 500 we're weird i hate it is weird because they're weird yeah wine love it uh and sean time for your final pick the final pick of the draft let me know if this is too much and then i'll switch it if it is but i want to pick memetic polyoy which is what t1000 is made out of yeah is it

real i don't know i'm leaving i'm seeing no it's not i don't think it's it's not real i don't think it's just what the terminator and the the villain t in terminator 2 is made out of and i thought it'd be fun yeah i mean i picked mercury but i don't know is it too close i think all right on the count of three thumbs up thumbs down we'll all put our thumbs up or thumbs down to think of way this is okay all right one all right two three yeah it's out all right i got a backup condom and had your back but it's out it's right out dude all right not real venom all right venom yeah cool that's way it just it just seems like such a natural it's crazy because it's natural and it's just this thing that can poison and kill i don't know it's just it's just wild to me that they're i'd rather it weren't around but i'm with it but maybe if it weren't around there'd be some crazy butterfly effect where it's like alligators

are in charge oh yeah movie by the way yeah butterfly effect or venom dude oh damn that's a whole nother draft bro what forward hat sean loves forward Forward hat Sean has never seen Venom, loves the Eminem theme song. Yeah. He's like, there was a movie to that? Holy shit. He's just freestyling that guy. You know they wrote a movie around that Eminem song? It's wild.

That's how good it is. I just discovered this guy, Rick Ross. He did this theme song for the fucking Suicide Squad. It's amazing. I don't know if he has any other music. That's what I do. That was good. That was a good draft. That was a good draft.

To recap, David, you went first. You took salt water, cooking oil, mercury, milk, and beer. Josh, you went second. You took fresh water, vaccines, magma, coffee, and embalming fluid. I went third. I took paint, oil, jizz, tea, and wine. Sounds like my Friday night. You took blood, happy tears,

hot sauce, whiskey, and venom. Ian sounds like the most popping off sipping paint. Paint, oil, jizz, tea, and wine. Hey, Ian, what you got in that cup? I got that paint, oil, jizz, tea, and wine Hey Ian, what you got in that cup? I got that pint, oil, jizz, tea, and wine Marissa, did you have a pick for a liquid that went unpicked?

My number one pick was selected by Josh And it was lava Oh nice I love that it glows And it's just pure destruction Hell yeah Just like you God, you're dark, Marissa.

Beautiful and dangerous. Yeah, I think it's the most badass liquid. Yeah, it is. It's reasonable. Also, Venom is pretty badass. Yeah, Venom is really badass. Those and Diet Coke. Diet Coke's pretty badass.

Diet Coke will get you, dude. That's what I've heard. Diet Coke was Dana's first suggestion. Diet Coke, because how do you make it? We don't know how to make it uh what else at milkshakes yeah there was like everything i had written down got taken hot chocolate cologne perfume oh yeah those are good yeah that is good i didn't even think of that um eggnog i like eggnog i don't know pretty important i had saliva similarly yeah

yeah so i have a very important laundry detergent would have been a you know i had hand sanitizer oh big year for hand sanitizer huge in the tournament this year gin yeah yeah it's like when that weird college in florida that was on the beach had a huge tournament run in the ncs remember that what was that school called gulf florida gulf coast or whatever yes i think that's it yeah that's a big real cinderella story yeah and sanitizer that's when saint joe's had delonte west and jamir nelson man god i hope it's going better for delonte it seems like it's going better than it was six months ago for sure yeah yeah yeah shout out to delonte west shout out to your picks make sure you hit us up, All Fantasy Pod on Twitter,

All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. Thank you for holding us down. We're back up in that slack more and more, which is really fun. What a fun community in there. Gift exchange up in it. Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit. I hope it's not too late. No, it isn't. Work got really busy. Okay, I'll jump back in there today. shout out to everyone on the old fantasy, everything subreddit. Thank you for holding us down.

We love you. Uh, shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Love you, mom. And she is. Shout out to,

uh, damn, what else? What other shout, shout out to fucking Josh's podcast and book. Make sure you check out, make my day and nice try. Yeah.

Just shout out to Josh, man. I feel like we never got to hang out for real. Maybe a little bit here and there, but as soon as this is over, I'm excited. We're hanging out. Yeah, man. We are hanging out. This has been so fun.

This has been really fun, really good. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun. I had such a great time, such a fan of the podcast, so happy to do it. Absolute joy to have you. Are you kidding me? It was so... David, you go now.

What do you mean? Just compliments for Josh. Oh! It was a great, great topic choice. Great topic choice. Thank you! Out of left field for Marissa.

Also, Josh, I had the best time I've ever had on the Navy base with you. I think about that all the time. It comes up in my thought process a lot.

Yeah. If you hadn't been there, I might have quit comedy. Same. Same. quit comedy same it was uh it was a rough weekend yeah you guys did a navy base yeah a bunch of them we did like three navy bases in a weekend whoa yeah yeah in virginia it was a it was a wild a kid got kicked out of the military it was a really wild time i forgot about about that. Yeah. We stayed on the base. They had like hotel key cards for like a little on-base hotel.

And we weren't allowed to leave without escorts. Wow. So we were just on base the whole time. It was a weird scene. It was a weird scene. But that was when I got to know you. And ever since then, I just love what you do, man. Likewise.

That was so fun. So glad you were there. And here we are still doing comedy. Yeah, where we both stuck in even after that terrible weekend. Oof, yeah. Oh, boy. Well, next year in Jerusalem,

this will be beautiful. When we can do comedy again. Hell yeah. What a wonderful podcast. Shout out to super producer Marissa, as always. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the Dude. Shout out to Haji Beats.

And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Loose chocolate. I knew it. I knew it. that was a hate gun podcast