All Fantasy Everything - Little Guys (w/ Jamie Loftus)

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

Flawless? More like flawmore.Guest:Jamie Loftus (@jamiechristsuperstar)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. Welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we are drafting Little Guys. Our guest today is the writer, the comedian, the author, Jamie Loftus. Hi. Hi. Thank you for joining us.

I'm so excited to talk about all my guys. It's going to be real fun. We all love Little Guys here. Little guys. I'm your host here in Carmel with me, as always, are my friends and comedians. And Sean Jordan and David Boree. Big guys. Big guys.

What in many ways, I think we all have little guy tendencies to us, I think, in our best moments. Little guy's so, it's so complicated. Little guy? Yeah, I'm curious what everyone thinks little guys. This morning I was like, oh, little guys mean something different to everybody. Yeah. You really bring yourself to the table when you're talking about little guys. In that way, I think it's a perfect topic.

I think it's kind of like sexy, though. But when you see it, you know it. You know when you see a little guy. You're like, that's a little guy. Yeah, that's true. And he's wearing that little hat. Yeah. Sean and I were talking in the kitchen before.

I don't know why I had this. We were talking about politics. I was standing near the door. Sean was by the fridge. And it was about 67 degrees. And we came to the determination. And I think this will play out over the podcast. That a little guy doesn't even need to necessarily be human.

Right. Oh, no. Oh, no. Or even living. Right. Wait. It could be a dead cartoon? Yeah.

Yeah. Santa's a little helper one. I feel like I feel like there's some room here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've got some non-human picks. Yeah. For sure. A little guy to me is like it's an energy. Yeah.

It's yeah. It's an energy. I feel like you adding a hat like that makes sense. Yeah. That's a type of little guy. Yeah. Start something that's off to the side a little bit. Tiny little hat.

Anytime you're like, oh, look at that little guy. It's sad. Say it about all kinds of stuff. It can be like positive. It can sometimes, for me, mean this guy's not for everyone. This guy is not for everybody. But I like him and I climb. He's an old guy.

He's not a guy. There's a dark side to the little guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Little guy, you know, you wouldn't want him at a party for more than a couple hours. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's here for a good time.

Hopefully. Or a tall time. leaves early kind of a thing. Yeah. But a little guy showing up to a party late could be just the infusion of life that party needs. Yeah, the wind and the sales. He's got his little hat.

Or a little vest. I'm picturing a little like a bowler tipped forward. Maybe I'm thinking he's like a buffalo guy. He might even have a little playlist for the party. Oh, okay. A little playlist. An EP.

He had these two songs and everybody go. I think EP's right. LP's long play. He's extended play though. Extended play. But like when you have like a two songs CD or whatever, single. Like baby, baby, baby, and then the other side would have been, You're too proud to beg.

Just for two examples. Oh, I thought you were going like early Bieber. I was like, whoa, that was immediate. Earlier, TLC. Okay. You see, he was a little guy for a while. He was a little. Is he not a little guy now?

I don't know. I don't know. It's like post-D-U-I, it's harder to retain the little guy. That's a good point. Little guys don't drive drunk. Uh-uh. He can do actual skateboard. tricks. Justin Bieber can.

And it's like quit stirring my Kool-Aid. He's so good at everything else. Wait, what other things do you think he does that are sure you're cooling? Nothing. Oh, okay. Get out of my kitchen. Okay, I get you. You have your whole house and you had to come into my tiny little corner.

You commit your life to God. How many? You design mules and now you skateboard? You married a Baldwin. Yeah, me and Stephen got our own thing going on. How many of the things that Justin Bieber is really good at? Have you even tried? Because you might be in his kitchen.

You haven't even tried to go in there. I've tried to sing and I can't do it. That's right. I've always on YouTube. I can't dance either. Oh, I get so, I got embarrassed thinking about it. Sean will roll the dice a little bit.

I will. He rolls them up top though. Yeah. Here's a big, here's one of my moves. I'll do this a lot. Yeah, that's kind of a mogul. Okay, okay.

So like kind of really still up top. But yeah. Boy, you get a couple in me. Still up top is the funny. I'll do know, I'll do like this. happen up top though you get a couple in me that's dancing okay we're bringing the fists once you're going to access once you're on two

axes though you're dancing you dance like a Boston Dynamics robot we're just we're just surprised he's doing it yeah you're like that's a person the act itself is a feat the guy who dances like that is Sean Jordan Sean Cougar Melon Jordan on Instagram starting to think people don't know what that means

anymore. Oh, because of... Because he's sort of not in the zeitgeist. Johnny Cougar? John Cougar Mellon. Camp. Yeah. The amount of people that say, Sean, this dude the other day was saying, Sean Cougar Mellon, Jordan, is your... And I'm like, that's not funny that way.

Yeah. You take the Cougar Mellon and make it funny, so... Because it's back, it's from back in the day. It's from... Back when a smoke was a smoke. And Griffin was grooving. Sucking Chilli Dazin'in'i Dogs down behind the Tasty Fries. Dancing was everything and we were improving.

Yeah. You guys don't know that song, Cherry Ball? That's like a nice. No. Damn. Just came right out of you. Yeah. I was really excited.

I thought you were going to think it was funny. And then the second line, I was like, I don't think they got it. Is that Cougar Mellencamp? Yeah. You know what I said? That's when a smoke was a smoke. Yeah. When Grooving was grooving.

Yeah. Dancing was everything. I got the shallowest of Cougar Mellencamp knowledge. My mom was in. Cuts like a night. Yeah. She cuts you once, cuts you twice. Cuts with her stiletto.

See, I don't know that. That's deep melon camp. I've seen him in concert twice by mistake. Really? That makes sense. That makes sense. That's pretty sick.

Like it was a festival? A festival setting. Yeah. Like once was, I was trying to like cross the Boston Common and he was doing a concert for like a million horny moms. Yeah. That was like forever. And then a couple years ago, I got my fiance tickets to like Bob Dylan, which I've, I really struggle with him. Yeah, that could go either way.

as a performance as well. Especially. It was gnarly. He's so old and mean looking and he like also was like almost topless, which was wild for an 80 year old guy to do. You mean almost topless? Like it sure was just so loose. Way unbuttoned. Wow.

Way unbuttoned. I love that. We were sitting so far away at the Hollywood Bowl. Like my fiance is crying. It was like having the, we got COVID. It was horrible. Oh, man. After the show you got COVID?

We got COVID. It seems like a place to do that. On the Hollywood Bull shuttle bus. Oh, no. Damn. And he doesn't sing the hits either. He only sings B-Sides and poorly. And he does them like, he'll invent a new, like, rhythm for them and stuff.

There's a word for that, right? There must be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a word when you spend a bunch of money to get your mom Paul Simon tickets and then it's not the hits she loved.

Did he not play the hits? He did a few. seconds of a couple. Man, when they do the mashups, you're like, give me a break. It was $800 ticket. I mean, he did like the fighter and stuff. Yeah. But like, let me tell you this.

You know who played the hits. Paul McCartney. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Nothing but. He's a people pleaser. Yeah.

He's a real people pleaser. He played like one newer song and it was good. Yeah. It was that one that has Natalie Portman in the video. It's like Natalie Portman and Johnny Depp doing sign language. No, that's, that's, that's, that's, far from my algorithm. Whatever.

That's a salvage commercial on mute. I think of it was in Nordstrom. I'm sorry, I was at Nordstrom. She's doing some ad campaign too where you're like, who the fuck conceptualized this ad? Oh, man. Portman, if you film a black and white and tell her 30 seconds, I feel like she'll do almost anything.

Just head her a bottle of whatever. She'll sell it. It's nuts. It's like what they would do in, in Zoolander, but real. You're just like, it's, this isn't a joke. That's kind of what was so amazing about Zoolanders. They managed to parody something that is kind of like,

radiacurate to what they're doing. And pretty like hard to parody because they're so ridiculous. Well, they did like their, you know, whatever, the walkoff. And then Fashion Week, a couple years later, they were wearing garbage bags. They're really doing it. AFE 10 year anniversary, Aladdin Theater, late show added, September 26. Come to that. That's going to sound like we didn't edit there.

And we didn't. Oh, we didn't. You did that on your own? Yeah, I just, Sean. Did you feel like the pro? Ten years. Ten years. That was amazing.

That was really good. Thanks. Yeah. David Bore is here. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. If you're not, listen to listen to this however you want, but you should check in on the video every time to at least see David's outfits because it's been absolutely crushing it. This one? Yes.

Oh, I thought I took today off. No, this is like a summertime phone outfit. You got mesh shorts and you're getting to fit on. I thought I took today off. These are old Navy, though. I felt like... Also, I went to this alligator reserve. That's the $1.00.

Don't wear a half for a place you haven't been. I agree with that. 100%. It was in New Orleans. And the guy who did it was missing part of one finger. You want that. And he made all these jokes about why he was missing one finger. And then at one point, he got all serious.

And he was like... He grabbed an alligator. And this lady was like, is that how you lost your finger? And then he was like all serious. He was like, no, I got between a mama and her baby. I mean, Alana were like, what the fuck? Yeah. Did he specify what kind of creature?

He was an alligator. Okay, okay. It could have been a name. It was another, it was another Asian person. If you only lose a little bit of one finger, though, you pretty, you got out of there pretty all right. Yeah. It seems like that could go a lot worse. And he was still committed to the group.

Yeah. He wasn't like, I hate gators now. He was doing a tool. He understood that kind of thing. He was like, that was on me. Yeah. It was fun though, man. I love a fan boat.

I've never been on one. Those are big old fans in the back. It's as fun as you think. That's sick. Because it's like a jet ski that you could go on with friends. Right. Is that the feel of it? Yeah, because it like really like it,

because like the fun thing for me about jet skis is always the carving. Yeah, like that. And like the fan boat, he'll really like, gr- Does it feel like you ever going to fall in because I would not like that? No, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. It is loud. Jim, have you spent much time on the bayou?

I haven't spent any time on the bayou. I hate to admit. I got to get it. Don't let it pass you by. I got to get down there. You got to buy you a ticket and get down there. There it is. There it is.

10 years. Have you been in New Orleans? No. Oh, my goodness. No, I haven't. That is. It's like one of the few places in the U.S. that I really want to go to and I've never, I've tried to go to.

But the last time I tried to go there was like a tropical storm. I couldn't go. Couldn't get in. That'll happen. Yeah, that's what they're. trying to try some New Orleans hot dogs because they're supposed to have some good ones. They are. They really good.

We actually got a spot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You might not know. Jamie has an entire book on hot dogs. Yeah. Which actually, okay. So Sean doesn't have a park on a reading.

Trying to start reading more. Sean has never been. I don't read a lot. Much of her, never been much of a reader. But I'm working on finishing the second book of this year. Okay. Third book has to be Anatomy a love story. I made a promise yesterday.

Okay. And the fourth book, I was thinking. it would be dope if there was a book about hot dogs. And this is working out perfectly. And there is. And audiobooks, I bravely think, count. Yeah. I got a bit about, do you say that you've read them, though?

Or do you say that you've, like, absorbed it? Like, do you kind of... It depends. It depends on who I'm talking to. If it's someone who's going to ask a follow-up question, I'll be like, I listened to it. If it's someone who I don't think reads a lot, I say I read it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So a buddy of ours, I'm not going to air her out, but she the other day, this is probably a month ago and she said that she's read like 40 books already this year. Oh, Helen. It's Helen. And I go, I go, one note. I go 40. That's a lot. That's a lot for two months.

Did you read them? She goes, no, I listen to them. I'm like, if it's that big of a number, I feel like that's a bold statement to say I've read 40 books in two months. That's a lot of books to have listened to it. I was going to say. That's like she's always listening to books. Putting in work. Yeah.

And you still have the knowledge. I'm not saying that. Like I, you know, it's, but it's just that's, I had to push back. a little bit. I can't retain it I've found when I listen to books mostly. I have a harder. I really don't. Because I tried to get like a tough book recently on audiobook.

And I'm not like a book for tough guys. Yeah. Tough little guys. What Kenny Powers is listening to. No, it's about critical thinking. Oh, okay. Yeah, there's some. You have to like read.

There's audio books I'll do for something that it's like more fun or I don't know. I don't mean to be like sound dismissive of certain. But there's a certain book. Like I think my book is a book that is like listenable. Yeah. Yeah. Like you know, it's not, yeah. It's not that serious.

You know, I also do Will Smith's biography. He reads it himself. That's interesting. I listen to that one. Yeah, memoirs are good. Oh, and scar tissue. I listen to scar tissue. Is that the, Anthony Ketus?

That's the chili pepper? I don't know. That guy's from L.A. man. And that's all I got to say about that. You can miss food chili. I listen to the more. Do you eat the red hot chili? I don't like them.

I never have. They got some songs on there. We've talked about. Nothing really gets it from, I never. Have I heard a Chili Pepper song where I'm like, oh, that. Not even under the bridge? No. California Cation?

I was going to be reminded that I'm listening to them. Like, they exist in this, like, liminal band space where I have to be told that it's their song every single time. Is Flea in that band? Flea's in that band. I have a cat named Flea, and it's not. I think people make bad faith assumptions about me based on the name of my cat. Great name for cat.

And I was like, not that one. I would say flea of the red hot chili peppers, flea is the one. Flea rules. Flea rules. Flea rules. I think flea is fantastic. People are like passing judgment. No.

Flea's like the cool one. I'm so far removed from red hot chili peppers communities that like no one even brought it up for the first year. It was just my cat was covered in bugs when I got him. Right, right. That's why that's his name. They didn't play bass. No.

No, or they weren't a point break. Too big fleeting. Fleeting, God, is not a part of my life? Is he alive? Oh, yeah. He's alive. They just had a documentary come out. It's actually really good on Netflix.

He just put out a jazz album. He taught himself how to play the trumpet. I'm sorry to be so. I'm sorry to be so in my own lane, but he did put out a jazz. It's really good. It's like when Andre 3000 put out his flute album. Yes, but. Is that really good?

No. I have heard not. I've never listened. Flea really dedicated himself to the Yeah, you have to because you're like, what if this is the greatest thing that's ever existed? Yeah. And there was a chance.

There was a chance. I think he just likes playing the flute. Yeah. Which I like that. Yeah. Flea really like, I think like over like decades dedicated himself to the trumpet and then finally was like, I'm going to put this album out.

It was, I mean, we've talked about this, but as soon as suck my kiss came out. That's the word song about that. I don't like that name. I don't like the words together. Which one is that? Oh, it's called. It's a song on Blood Sugar Sex. I wrote for the A Cuckemer Kiss.

I wrote for the AV club. That's disgusting. It's so awful. Oh my God. It was on a video game soundtrack. It's disgusting. I feel like truly like I had like a head rush at hearing that. That's so gross.

It's so great. It's all, it's just all bad. The song sucks on its own. If the song was called like, like, eat that bread or like whatever, something completely innocuous, it would still suck. But what he's saying is suck my kiss. There's so many gross ways to. to say the word, like, there's so many rock examples.

I'm thinking of how, how, like, Aerosmith, what's his name? Stephen Tyler, Tyler says, just give me a kiss. I hate hearing the word kiss in a rock song. You can tell how unpleasant it is. Yes. Oh, yeah. Yes. Kiss.

Kiss. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the kind of kiss you are. Kind of a little guy read. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

We'll see. He'll come up. He might come up. He might come up. Jamie Loftus is here. Is it at Jamie Loftus on all social medium? It's similar to Sean's. It's a Jamie Cry's superstar. That's right. That's right. People get it wrong with some frequency. But I can't change it. It's a fun. No, that's really funny.

It's too good. It's really fun. It's fun. I'm keeping it. Then I'm keeping it too. All right, cool. I like this. Are you going to change it? Sean Cry's superstar. Yeah. Jamie Cougar Mellamloftest? That works too. It works on all of them. Is it too many characters?

Ian Cougar Mel and Carmel does not work. Cougar Melon Carmel is because there's, well, yeah, it does. Cougar Mel and Carmel does. It's the Ian in front of it. That throws off the hole. Ian Cougar. It would be so funny if your name was Sean Christ. Are there any prominent four-namers right now?

Ooh. Like prominent popular fornames. Because it's hard to. Paul Thomas Anderson. Well, John Cougar, Mellencamp is three names. That's three. Oh, yeah. Melanchamp is just a long one.

Sure. I was like Red Heart Chilli. Sean Thomas and or Jordan. Doesn't really work. No. I think you nailed it first time. Yeah. We'll keep it.

And we've spent too much time on it. That's good. That's good more time on. That's really digging. Carl Anthony Towns, you could do Sean Anthony Jordans. That doesn't work. Sean Claude Van Jordan was an early stand-up. Okay.

And then it was Sean in. insane clown Jordan and then it was like a mashup of all three Sean insane or Sean sane Sean Stain Jordan and then Crosby Stills and Nash was in there somehow too I forget the bit Shonsby Stills and Crash

It got real long I fucked it up Bon Jovi was in there Sean Bon Jovi This was like a 20 year ago joke So like Sean Keel Jordaniel Jordaniel

The NBA playoffs right now I'm deep in That's where my brain is that Is there Shay Gilges Alexander Sean Jorg George We'll work on the break. Jamie, what would you like to tell the thing?

This is going to be coming out? I'm done, sorry. That's good. This comes out June 11th. 11th. Ah. Oh, God, who knows? So my book might be available for pre-sell by then.

I don't know. Can you say what the new one's about? I can say what the new one's about. My first book was about Hot Dog. My second book is a fiction book about objective. sexuals. So it's about a woman who is an architect. So objectum sexuals are people who like have relationships with objects.

Oh, I've heard about this. Yeah. Yeah. Someone will marry a car. Exactly. Exactly. So this is about an architect who falls in love with their own blueprint and then spends like 15 years trying to get the building built so she can have sex with it.

That's so funny. That's great. That's great. What a great idea. Thanks. It's fun. So potentially available for pre-order. Potentially, or maybe I just told you about it.

And then I've got my weekly show, the Bechtel cast, is also hitting 10 years. Well, congratulations. Are you doing anything fun for the 10 year? We're going to go on tour at the end of the year, I think. Yeah. It's just, I don't know. I don't know how you guys feel. I'm like, I'm just shocked I held down a job for that long.

Truly. It's really impressive. Not even a job, just a thing. Yes. Yeah. Just did a thing. And that like everyone still like I love my co-host, Caitlin so much. And you can, I feel like there's shows I've listened to and then stop listening to because you can hear that they don't like each other anymore.

Shut up. This is like I don't know. Like you can hear when a podcast suddenly became a business and you're like, oh, this is this. You guys don't see each other for months outside of work. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think I got lucky and I still have a lot of fun doing it. So that's, yeah, that's every Tuesday.

Phenomenal. And you have the hot dog book is of it, which is called. Wait, hold on, I have it here. I have it here. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I did it. Raw dog to naked truth about hot dogs?

Yeah. Hell yes. That's available for poitches. Yeah. For SUNY purchase. You can get that right now. Hey, what's your favorite brand of hot dog? My favorite, like the, like, the, like, grocery store brand?

Grocer store packaged. I do like a ballpark A Hebrew National Actually, I'm going to switch to the Hebrew National That's probably where That's my first pick if I'm at But then there's also like regional stuff too I'll grab a Hoffie

How do you feel about Nathan's? I like a Hoffie Nathan's is so middle of the road Wow I agree It works It has the strongest like Nathan's and Oscar Meyer have the strongest branding of any hot dog. Oscar Meyer actively not good.

I don't like Oscar. But they got the Wiener Mobile. Nathan's is good. I feel like usually if you're, I don't buy, but like I'll go to a Nathan stand. Okay, that's fair. I usually hit the one in New York, New York when I'm in Las Vegas. Do you like Wiener Schnitzel? No, New York, New York.

Do I, um, no, but I go. Yeah. I think Wiener Shintel is the only hot dog fast food option that is like endured in any way. because everyone's tried it. I'll get a good chili dog. Every time. Dairy queen's got a good chili dog. Is that right?

I don't want like crazy sausages. Like in Denver, they got biker gyms, but it's like, I don't need. Oh, yeah, well,

that dog was, which is the place in New Orleans, which was like right-tide. Yes, I wanted to go so bad. Amazing. Really good. I really wanted to go.

I also need a doghouse. Oh, doghouse? Doghouse is, I like the Hawaiian. I like every hot dog. I bet you give me any hot dog and I'm in. Gas station hot dogs for days still.

If you want to do a performance of any kind, the sports drink, which is a great little venue in New Orleans, the one we do individually and also as a podcast. I'll be there in August. Sean will be there in August, for example. He's right around the corner from that dog. It's the best part.

And the guy who runs it is the best. I'm sorry to run. No, you're all good. It's the best guy. We're not actually friends. I get bummed when I see you. Don't do this on the podcast. I was like, I realized I brought up a really nuclear topic.

In such a fun part in New Orleans, it's not the French quarter. So you get like a taste of the city and then go to the French quarter too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're in this nice area that gives you like a good vibe of what the city's normally like. It's actually the Dutch 8th. Just that. Yeah, you don't want to find yourself in the Polish 16th.

That is, although good hot dogs there. Yeah, always. Always. Yeah. They have a lot of jazz there too. I heard that. That's crazy. At the dog spot,

the rest of the city dead for you. My name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel across all the platforms. I have nothing to, oh, no, except tonight. This comes out June 11th, we're sure about that? Yep.

You can see me on Fox on the World Cup after show with me and James Corden and Rio Ferdinand unless something crazy. happened between the recording of this and that, at which point Isaac and I will work to excise this

from the podcast. But, yeah, watch the games on Fox on the World Cup and then watch the after show and then watch me lifelong soccer fan Ian Carmel talking about La Hoga Bonito. Did you play FIFA though? Yeah, I played hell of FIFA. Yeah, okay. We all did. I played hella FIFA. I never did.

I played soccer for one day. It was like all the kids were doing it I could not tell you for the life of me But there were you know I was eight years old and I begged my mom To sign me up for soccer and I was like such a little fat kid Who like never jogged or any of that stuff Did they put you in goal? Huh? Do they put you in goal?

Well first before we even got to that my mom was like Please don't you're not going to want to do this You're not going to have a good time I played basketball I played baseball I played like you know The running in soccer is like exponentially more than anything else. She was like, I don't think you're going to like this, but I was like, please, I want to do it. She bought me like the cleats and the shin pads and like all that stuff.

And she was like, you're not going to want to do this. You're not going to want to do this. I put him. I wore them. Went to the very first practice. We ran the whole time. As soon as my mom picked me up, I was like, I quit. So that's like my whole experience with playing soccer.

It's probably the sport with the lowest amount of body shape diversity. Everyone kind of has to be very slim and fit. You can get that way when you're right. There's no big fat guys. There's no big fat guys. You run 11 miles a game or whatever. Yeah. There's barely even any buff guys.

Yeah. There was like one buff guy and they call him Hulk. Yeah, who played for Brazil a decade ago or so. Yeah, I want some soccer bruiser. Yeah, they just don't really have. Some enforcers. Some guy who smokes cigarettes. They got some people who smoke cigarettes.

They got some guys who smoke cigarettes. Oh, nice. They win the World Cup occasionally. They're called France. But they don't really have a lot of like hockey enforcers. like goon type guys that's we need to switch the game up yeah bring the goons in

the gooners the gooners the goons they'd go out there and beat off so I'm gonna yellow card so you can see me they only get a yellow card for it yeah they all you

keep going to go I got my eye on you so check that check that out on Fox that's it's crazy it's crazy that it's happening it's insane that you're gonna be in a room with Rio Ferdinand for that long

yeah that's insane and I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna spin them out too Get him on here. I'm going to start trembling. Rio Ferdinand? Yeah. We'll say anything as possible. He loves drafting.

Might love drafting. Yeah, we'll see. We're going to find out. I think kind of everybody does it. His name is Spanish for River. That's going to be my opening line. I've got to get Jim Jam back on if he's going to be stateside, too. You got to get the cord dog, although we're going to be busy.

We're doing 26 episodes over a month. I don't care. Oh, okay. That's why we did so many episodes that I. Yeah, it is. That was a terrible thing. You find the curtain. Come to All Fantasy Everything tenure in Portland.

We've added a second show by now, but I don't know if there's still tickets available for it. I'm going to eat a big-ass hot dog. No, I'm probably going to eat a lardo sandwich, though. Yeah, we'll go. We'll go to Zachshack. We're going to hot dog. Yeah, I love Tex-Shack. Jack-Shack's fantastic.

It's really good. What are your, what's your favorite regional hot dog variety? Oh, man. Not to, not to. Well, I, so I do love the Southwestern. I mean, I love a danger dog. Yeah. Hard to be.

What's on a danger dog? A danger dog. I mean, that's like what you get. on the way into any sporting event like outside Dodger Stadium the bacon wrapped like made

by a vendor on like a baking plate with like a small sheet kind of yeah yeah oh it's so good with the onions and oh man those are good topics can vary but like especially if you're drunk but also it tastes good if you're not

that is like unbeatable it's so good I like the Seattle dog I do you too. That's polarizing. Yeah. I like it. Cream cheese is really nice on a dog.

Yeah, it is. That's another like if you're drunk. Like drunk on Capitol Hill. It's, okay. I mean, the first time I had one. General, right? Yeah. That's what they're made for, it's for children and drunk people.

Man, I'll fuck up a spicy bite from 7-Eleven. Okay. Sure. Okay. I stand by the 7-Eleven hot dog. They're pretty good. Love them. They're big.

The Costco hot dog gets a lot of love. but I think the 7-11 hot dog is, and I appreciate that at least many times when I've gone to get a 7-11 hot dog, that usually the guy behind the counter is pretty transparent about how long it's been there. Yes. Yeah, yeah. There must be some sort of policy or it's just like I've gotten lucky, but sometimes they'll be like, can you wait five minutes because that's been there for a really long time? Yeah, you might break a tooth biting into it.

Yeah, I kind of like them vintage. Yeah, I don't care. Just enough. Give me that leathery hot dog. I'm in. It's like a giant slim gym. Yeah. You know my beef with the Costco hot dog is I got to get a soda with it.

I don't want a soda sometimes. I just want the dog. You just want, whoa. Your mouth are not getting dry? I try to not drink soda. I try to help myself where I can. You can get water in the cup. I could.

Yeah, but I still feel like make the dog 50 cents cheaper and just give me the dog. Isn't it a dollar of the price? It's so cheap already. You ask too much, Chuck. God damn. arm and a leg. The floors are concrete. They gotta stay in business.

You don't even have to have a membership anymore. It's already a lot of. You need that light off in the corner that nobody goes to and give me a cheaper hot dog. All right. I don't need the soda. Yeah, they do. You can't just go in and get it. No.

Can't you now? Yeah. The one in Atwater Village, outdoor. The hot dogs all outdoor. Yeah, that's Portland too. Chicken bake. They still have a chicken bag? They still have a chicken bag.

I have to fight every time to not get a 12 pack of those when I'm in the frozen section. Pizza's good, too. saw the pizza rips. I was like craving Costco pizza recently which didn't feel good, but like it's really good. It's the perfect. It's greasy as shit.

And it's the perfect size. I agree. When I think of a slice of pizza, I would rather have that than three small slices. You could sail a boat with that. Get off the island and castaway. Yeah. Fantastic.

Well, we could, I mean, we really could talk about Costco all day, but instead, yeah, we've been talking about it for a while. We are here to fantasy. draft little guys. Little guys. Now the way we determine the order of our draft is through a rollicking game of rock paper scissors,

scissors play between the three of you. And we throw on shoot. All right. And here we go. Rock paper scissors, shoot. David wins. It is an unconventional victory as we do it three ways. The odd man out wins.

Okay. Paper against two scissors. David, as the winner is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. But before you do that, I will remind you it as a serpentine draft. And what is that? That's a great question. Now, I believe when you have a menorah, you pull.

You put the candles on in one order. Could not be further from Hanukkah. I appreciate it. And then you light them in the reverse order. Is that, is that, that's how it goes, right? You put them on left to right and light them right to left. Maybe you're supposed to. Okay.

Well, you could either way. Okay. So one could. One could. On any, on any candelabra. Yes. Yeah. But I chose.

I'm anora. Appreciate it. Yeah. You took them behind the candelabra. Thank you. I feel seen. I feel recognized. I feel appreciated.

My brother. I feel loved. I feel bathed. That's not anything to do with you, but I took a shower right before this. Yeah, I take showers too. Did you take a shower today? Took a shower today?

My man. Your hair's looking good. Took a shower too. Sent you guys a pick. It was weird. That's right. Yeah. You look so.

That's the chat. We have a goddamn attractive in that picture, by the way. David said us a full-body nude picture. I didn't. I did. I did not. We have a chat called the accountability. We have an AFE chat,

which is like, and then we have one called the accountability buddies for the three of, four of us going to the gym. Okay. We'll add you if you want to start going to the gym. I'm not going to go back to the gym.

Okay, okay. When you start going, we'll put you in the accountability buddies. I told Laura about this, and she's like, her face was just like, that's so cute. It's sweet.

I have not told Alana about it, I don't think. No, really? No, I don't know if I told Dana. I don't think. Wait, is this is secret from wives? Yeah, we're not talking. We're not, because we're getting nuts in there.

Would you like to know who the fourth is? Is it Alex? It's Oscar Isaac. No. Pedro Pescal. The other Isaac. It's Shane. It's Shane to it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so sweet. It helps. It really does help. Yeah. What happens if you don't do it? Sometimes you forget. Everybody forgets picks some days. Okay, okay.

I don't have one in Los Angeles. Angeles that I've gone to yet, so I have not gone in three days. Uh-uh. I'm going to try to look for one today by Andy's house. I thought you sent one from, from, uh, will you get some steps in at least? Yeah, I've been getting the steps in. Yeah. I want to bring my running shoes next.

I feel like I'm in the chat right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is kind of one is this kind of electrifying banter. I'm sure everyone's having a good time listening right now, too. So much like a menorah. Basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first then in the second round. I've been listening to this show for years.

And it's never going to make sense to me. No, that's right. I need help every step of it. Just so you know. Every single time my brain turns off and then it happens and you're like, well, serpentine could mean anything. It truly could mean anything. It's been defined like, what episode is this?

480? Yeah, something like 490. It's truly one of the amazing feats of the show that he keeps this bit going. Yeah. Brian. If I was you, it would have. Harder than the draft. If I was you, I would have quit it years.

Yeah, I can't believe you keep doing it. Fun little exercise. It's impressive. I like to break a mental sweat too. A mental sweat. I need to bring my trainers next time, bro. So I can get my calamiters in. Fit.

Perfect. Perfect impressions. Slowly isolating our British listeners one at a time. With that mind, wait, yes. With that in mind, what would the order of today's wrap? I'm going to go to the couch. There it is, David. Jamie.

Okay. Ian Sean. That is the order. Damn it. Jamie, Ian Sean. Which means David, you have the first pick in the draft and we'll get to that first pick right after the short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by Babel.

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Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything. Did you want me to stop? Yeah, I was going to just remark that this is episode 495, I think, which means we're coming up on 500. We're not going to hit 500 on this block, though. Wow. So 500 will be the next block.

What should we do? Yeah, 500. We should do something. We should pay it Sean for 500. We should release it in reverse. What? Oh, I thought you might start counting down the catalog. No, no, no.

500. And then the next week we re-released 49. I mean like Revolution. By the Bledon. Button style. Yeah. That would be kind of fun. You hear us get younger, we get into cocaine.

Yeah. That would mean. We all get divorced. That would be the order. We gain a bunch of weight. You just can't. We all got to move back in with each other. Yeah, we get broke.

I'm working late night again. I don't have a car. That's all gnarly to think about. That's like the full, has that happened yet where someone has had a podcast for a long time, and then they start a podcast about the podcast reviewing the podcast. That would be like final stage haunted media.

Yes, it truly would. Yeah. That's the end of the country, too. Yeah. That's true. It can't be too far away, because what did you say they're doing a, this was us? Recap pod now? No, TV does it a lot. Yeah. TV, yeah.

I was in the Trouton-A-Lights one, the Scrubs one, like, they do it a lot. And they have clunky names each and every time. This was us. It sounds like the entire cast got hit by a media. Wait a minute. I see what you're, so you're,

I don't think this was us is a podcast relish, like you think they're relishing to old episodes of this is us? No, this was us. They're talking about, this is us. The TV show. Yeah, right?

Yeah. But has that happened for podcasts though? Right. That's what Jamie said. I don't think so. Joe Rogan, get on it. Yeah.

Where they start at one. Rogan on Rogan. And they go through it. I bet you. This was Rogan in the. Rogan in the Deep There are so many shows I bet you somebody has done that

Like with Marin or something Never not funny or Douglow Like the shows that have been out for so long Other people have done it about About different podcasts Yeah But no one about their own Yeah

I got to read more book I'm not asking for it I don't want it I just I know I think it's a very I think it's a sign of the time I think it's a harbinger

It's horrible I just like Harbinger I like Harbinger being in the parking. I know, I was excited that I said it and I realized I had no backup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was out alone for a while. That's all right.

We were here in case. You landed it. Yeah, yeah, it's my back. The other thing you have is the first pick in the Lola Guys draft. Oh, yeah. My first pick is Punch. Who's Punch? A little chimpanzee.

Yeah, punch. Oh, my God. Big time little guy. Gripped the nation. Grip my home. Got a girlfriend. Grip that little toy? He defended his.

girlfriend? Yeah. Punched it. Punch the monkey. I got to admit. Did you miss it? Completely. I was aware of it.

I did not under, I didn't look into it deep enough to really understand. It's a baby. It's a little baby. He got bullied by all the other, uh, he's, he's a monkey or is he a chimp? I don't exactly know what it is. He got bullied by all the other big boys. He's got a big Wikipedia. Because he didn't have a family, right?

Yeah, he didn't have a family. He just had that little toy that he loved. Oh, God, it makes me want to cry. He's a Japanese macaque. Uh-huh. Macac, Macoc? Macac? Macac?

Depends that one part of the country you're from. Macacres. Did not mean for that to be blue. So he was a victim of bullying. I love little guy lore. You got to see a picture of him with his little toy and then you'll get it.

He was stuffed orangutan. He was getting bullied and they were trying to take that and he would like drag it around to the other side of the enclosure or whatever. And then he stood up. for himself. There was one where he stood up for himself with all the other bullies. Then he got a girlfriend.

Oh. He defended her like two weeks ago. Successfully defended her against some like some dude approaching. Yeah. Wait. How this? This is real time. Okay. Okay. It's been going on for two months. Punch probably. Okay. Punch has missed me. Oh. Oh, he had a lack

of a maternal figure. This is a very D had a change signs of anxiety and isolation. Oh my God. Yeah, it's fucked. Holy shit. Holy shit. God. Well, he's just as low.

And it will make you. He has a little guy. He was being bullied. It will make you cry. He's got the whole Instagram, but if you go watch them bully him and he just takes his toy and he looks sad. Ooh, it'll get you. And watching his journey has been nice. They got his orangutanang from IKEA.

How about that? They sold out like immediately. I bet they did. Wow. That's so sweet. Where is he? Japan. Japan.

Okay. Oh my God. That's so beautiful. Yeah. Punch, big time little guy though. Yeah. Big time. 100% little guy. Chikawa City Zoo in Japan. I hope it goes well for punch. I always like, I'm still stuck on like, what happens to Moudang after people stop looking at her? I don't know. I don't know. What happens to her. Childsardom. They got to get to direct them. Yes. I think, like she's, I think some eccentric billionaire is going to buy them and they're going to eat them at a Baccanol.

Damn. Gentlemen. And they lift the cloche. Moodang. Like after they hunted a man? This thing's called a cloche? Jonathan would have loved this. A cloche.

Closh. That's the big... Wow. That's the big dish? The lid to the big giant serving dish. I believe it's called a cloche. Now we've said it's so much, it called so much attention to it that if I'm wrong,

it's going to be embarrassing. But I do think it's called a cloche. That's not a word you just throw out without knowing. It's a cloosh. Yeah. I'll tell you this. It's too small to eat, which is good. Yeah, punches too small.

And he's chimpanzee. I think the is. Not a chimpanzee. It's a Japanese macaque. Japanese mackethek. And, you know, Moudang looked juicy. Moodang looked like she would taste good. And you weren't allowed to say it at the time.

No. She looked like she'd been marinated. Yeah. She was all shiny. Yeah. Herbs were kicking and I was thinking about sticking. If you've ever. heard baby got back.

A song I try to reference as much in daily life as I know. Absolutely. Dave, do you want a burger? Only if she's five, six. I don't want none unless it's got buns, son. You were not in on the whole, like, lettuce wrap thing. Yeah. That was a big moment for you referencing.

Maybe got back. Punch the monkey. Yeah. Jamie, time for your first pick. Okay. So I, the minions are my little guys. Yeah. Little guys of choice.

If I had to choose one, I'm prepared to. And it's Kevin. Kevin. It's Kevin. He's there. Well, there's a lot of issues going on with the minions right now. If you're like, are, any of you guys like about the minions? Not up on the Lord.

I've only seen one of those movies even. Which one? I've seen the first despicable movie. Okay. No, and I think I saw the Minions. The Grue one. The Minutes movies great. Who's the newest one where Steve Carell's young?

Okay. Minions Rise of Gru. Yeah. Grew. Minions Rise of Gru is really good, I thought. I really enjoy them. I've only seen Dispicable Me. I might have to jump in.

You got to jump in. I don't know if this is controversial among Dispickable Me fans. I think the Dispicable Me movies generally weaker than the Minions movies. I've heard other people say that. Because you're just like, we all know what we're coming here for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to the midnight screening of Despicable Me for a couple summers ago. And the whole adult crowd was, because it's about like grew getting a, having a baby.

Like, grew having a, and it was like, I don't need another little guy. Right. I came for 5,000 fucking little guys that I got starting in 2010. I want those. Yeah. So the minions are like, and they have. Like the big three are or were Kevin, Stuart and Bob. They passed.

They fortunately pass. I like to think they've moved on to theater or something. Oh, okay. Like they're focusing on the art. Like in my head, yeah, the minions are paid actors paid to play these parts. Like when the guy from the Big Bang Theory started doing Broadway, because he was like, he crashed in. And it was like, let me just show this other side of what I can do.

It sounds like Jiminy Glick. Well, there's Johnny Galecky. That's who I'm talking about. Johnny Gluck. And then the other, another one did it too. Doesn't it sound like Jamie Gluck? It does. It does. It's the same inflection.

Jim Parsons also different. Jim Parsons. I remember when he did. Yeah. And you're like, well, good. I'm, I'll be seeing you at hotels when I'm there. Big Sheldon. Yeah.

Minions, yeah. Kevin was the leader. I like, reasons I like Kevin. he's the most loyal of all the minions because the minions rule, which becomes very complicated and they try to deal with in the movies. Yeah. Is it the millions... It's like a parliament system.

Well, they've changed the minions lore over the years to make it less likely that the minions would have worked for Hitler. Oh, no. In Disputable One, you're told the minions work for the most, evil guy currently living. No. I don't know why they made that rule. Yeah.

But they're like, and it's Gru. So they work for Gru. In 2000 Dead, the most evil man alive was Gru. In Minions 1, they tell you the history of the minions going back to the Stone Age. Okay. So there is like there would have been a period of Hitlerdom. So they're immortal. Well, no, they get their way around Hitler in a kind of incredible way.

Right around 1940, they kind of stopped working for the most evil guy. They started building battleships from the U.S. Because they're like, they work for like T-Rexes, right? They work for whatever. They work for vague evil entities. They do, I think, canonically work for Napoleon Bonaparte, which is kind of crazy. Interesting because they're from, it's a French company that made this too, right? So there's a little bit of commentary.

So they do work for Napoleon. But in Minions 1, they get around Hitler by saying, and then around like the early 1900s, They went into exile in a cave for about 50 years. Wow. They just kind of shut everything off for a minute. They saw something coming down the pike. They were like, this complex series of treaties keeping yours together. It's going to end in tragedy.

There's a bad guy out there. We're going to go out of their way. I love how far out of their way. They're like, just to be clear, they're bad, but. There's a line. A cartoon bed. So they were in, yeah, they were. in a cave in the North Pole during both World Wars.

Yeah. And then they came out around the 60s. All right. Who did they work for then? Lerner. Who was that? That was a minion. They worked for the Nixon administration.

Weirdly, Deep Throat also a minion who defected. Three minions with a trench coat. Yeah. Yeah. Deep throat, you will notice, well, speaking in mini-knees. I did notice that. is their language. No, so Kevin is their leader.

I'm obsessed with Kevin. He's the sweetest one. But they like did away with Kevin. They nuked the main three. I don't know why. There's a new one coming out this summer, minions and monsters, which I'm hearing as a love letter to Hollywood.

It's like the minions are going to meet Frankenstein. Oh, okay. It's going to be awesome. So it'll be like Universal Monsters Era Hollywood with the minions in it? It's fully to sell tickets to Universal Parks, but yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like... We've got to integrate.

It's a synergy-based plot. But that's kind of every... It's so, like, minions were created to sell backpacks anyways, so I'm like, I'm fine with it. This movie takes place in the 1920s. So hold on, direct con of them being in exile. Yes, it does sort of contest with minions one. and people are talking about it on Reddit because they were like,

we were told they were in the cave at that time. But maybe is this what, what they were actually doing? Maybe it was like, you can't expand the lore to be like we thought they were in the cave. Yeah. Maybe the cave was the studio contract system.

It was an allegory. You know what I mean? Not the original allegory of the cave, but a different one. Okay. They were so locked in that this universal contract, they couldn't go anywhere.

I like what's happening here. I mean, I don't know. I was told in 2015, they're in the cave. They were working for the abominable snowman, who I guess was worse than Hitler. Yeah. It was abominable.

Depends on it. It wasn't the abominable at all. But if, yeah, if they're getting loose in the 1920s, that is a lore issue, which is why I think they're getting rid of Kevin, Stewart, and Bob because those are the characters that were sort of like connected to that lore. Kevin was in charge of the cave.

Oh. So now they've got new guys that I'm like, I'll come around. I'll come around to them, but I liked my three main guys. You miss Kevin. I'm really going to miss Kevin. Was Bob the kind of dumb one? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, he's got two different colored eyes and he always has like a little teddy bear. Yeah. He's cute. He's my mom's favorite. Is Bob also the name of the dumb hyena and the Lion King? Oh, I think so. I think so.

I think Bob is like a shorthand for dumb guy name. We're going to need to get a corpore to connect all this. Oh, Ed. Ed. But that's also kind of, it's like a one syllable. Ed and Eddie. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. The minion. Kevin specifically, but all minions. All minions. I think we can have them all. I can have them all. If I can have them all, I'll take them all. That's a really powerful group.

That's a great pick. Yeah. Thanks. I have no choice but to do this. Because if I somehow lost out on this pick, I would never, I could not live the rest of my life in peace. I have to take my baby son, Arthur. Yeah. Okay.

Oh, that's. The littlest guy I know. And we were all about to take him. I was going to give you another round and then I would have taken him. Really? I would have. He's done it to me. He did it to me with babies when he didn't have one yet.

I did it to him, well, but I knew I would have one. I knew I would have Arthur. I also took Taekworn. Did I take skateboarding? Stakeboarding. Yes, you took skateboarding and Taekwondo. You took them both. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Remember the 10 years. We're trying to get there. There's my phone. I'm going to share some pictures. He's the, he's not just, most kids are a little guy. Most babies are little guys. Yeah. I think.

Some babies are adults, though. Some babies are full-blown adults. Some babies are full-blown 45-year-olds. Some babies are old guys. Yes. Some babies are full, especially little babies are like real old guys. Yeah. Arthur is 16 months old, and I think he is an especially little guy.

Oh, yeah. Here's him with a raspberry on his finger. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like big time little guy activity. He's got a curly, he's got, the curliest little head of hair. He has just enough words that it makes him even more of a little guy than if he had full speech or no speech. He knows purple, which is pu-p-pul.

He knows that word. That's two syllables, not nothing. That's a hard word to start. That's a hard color to start with. I know. It's his first color, too. Wow. P-pull.

You're trying to teach a purple rain. Yeah. We're getting there. We're getting there. I mean, once you have purple down, rain is that? Yeah, the rain will come. The rain is not there. This is him cheering on the Portland Trailblazers.

Incredible. He's got a backwards hat on, which is primetime little guy activity. He's got a hat on. He just, like that age, I think all the way up until I want to, probably about like five or six, they stopped being a little guys. Maybe. Then they're little sheds. Then they're, well, then they're going to be a little sheds for sure. But three nagers, four nagers.

Yeah. Five nagers. Well, do you have, well, do you consider max? No, three nagers. is. Wait, what does it mean? It means they suck when they're three. It used to be terrible twos, and I don't think

that's a big deal with three now. Everyone's like, well, they're a three nature. Oh, so we're just inventing new names to be like, my kid sucks. Yeah, my kid. Maybe your kid's just bad. Wait, if they're the mother forkers when they're four. Is Max, did you ever consider her a little guy?

Nope. She's 100% for height, head. Yeah. I mean, she was never a little guy. Well, Arth is a bopper. He's a big, I mean, he's 99th percentiles, but he's still a little guy. Yeah, Max took a minute to grow into her look. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to say anything bad about me. We look at pictures of her when her baby and we're like, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. You couldn't tell me nothing when she was a baby. I'm like, this is the most beautiful child on the planet. And then, you know, she grew into herself. She was a cute baby. Yeah, she like you're watching.

Every baby's like, well, no. No, no, right, right. Really give her the business. Really? No, she was a gorgeous baby. A gorgeous baby. But you just look now and you're like, she has grown into a lot of her features. From what you've said, that is the Jordan Way.

Yeah, I was a nasty looking kid. Yeah, but you're a gorgeous man. Cross eyes. I was, I looked severe when I was a kid. There was nothing. There's nothing redeemed. My mom, yeah, bro. I'll show you a picture of this.

Okay. The wonky eye is crazy. Yeah. Cross eyes and then this one started going lazy. I'd have two eye surgeries before I was three. Oh, that's a little guy. That is a little guy. That's a little guy.

That's a little guy. Multiple surgeries before three is a little guy. Bro, I was crying blood. My mom sat out of the hospital. I was crying blood tears. Man, she must have felt like she did something wrong. Rose Mary's baby. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I never should have met that guitar player down to the crossroads. My dad's got like a leather trench coat on with a big giant collars in this thing. Kelly. Is that how Dracula would say Kelly? It doesn't. Dracula's accent doesn't give Kelly. I thought you were in my head your dad was dressed like Undertaker. Me too.

That's what I was there. He kind of looked like the Undertaker a little bit. He got for a blog, right? Huge, huge. Huge mustache. And he was an American badass. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Remember that era? No. For Undertaker? When the Undertaker was the American Battle? Oh, wait, what was that? A little bit. Yeah, he didn't have the whole mystique anymore, right? Well, he was like a motorcycle ride in.

Yeah. Oh, okay. I do remember that. He really broke the fourth wall the Undertaker did. When he, like, ditched the character, and then he was just some guy. Well, some of that was contract dispute stuff, right? Like, they had to leave the WWE and leave their characters behind? I don't know, man.

Oh, I didn't dive into all that. They're huge guys. That's not what we're talking about. Was it under? Yeah. Was it Undertaker who ruined the Big Show's dad's funeral canonically? Oh, no. There's, I think, I don't know if it was Undertaker.

Someone showed up at Big Show's dad's funeral in universe and, like, dragged Big Show's dad's coffin out of the grave. What? Out of the grave? Out of the grave? You like put a chain on it. Who did that? I mean, this is the opposite of a little guy.

I don't know if I would let the Undertaker get that far. The big boss man crashed the big show's father's funeral. It was the big boss man. The big boss man was the cop, right? Oh my God, there's footage of the big boss man. Big boss man was the cop. I used to have his wrestling buddy, the big boss man wrestling buddy. It's one of the best clips I've ever seen.

He's driving away. Big show's crying. He's got the casket hooked up to his car and he jumps on the casket as it gets pulled away. Yeah, this is all set up. It has to be. Yeah. This is wild. They call it, right?

We fully brought that up of my father's funeral, though. We were just like, one of this. One of your. Big boss man showed up right now. You know, crazy. But he's over it. He shows up. He's like, yeah, let's go.

Oh, no, who's that? Shelly driving over the hill. He wants to hear a gigantic truck pull up. Is Big Bossman still alive? Did Dad know Big Bossman? I never check in on those wrestlers because it's, you know, the chances are. They're so tall that you think they probably don't have a lot of. Big boss man has left us.

Yeah. He's 41 years old when he passed. That stuff is such a bummer dude. Yikes. Man, I had that wrestling buddy though. Those were little guys. You ever ever have a wrestling buddy? Those were little guys.

Those little like little Hulk Hogan, little Ultimate Warrior pillows. Yeah. We would just wrestle. We'd make our bed a wrestling ring. It was so fun. That's so cute. I tried to get one there like $2,000 now.

Really? You can only get them on eBay, like the old ones. Okay, sure. I don't know if they ever, like, reissued him. Arthur Carmel, Little Ardy Carms is my pick. Fantastic. Time for your first and second picks. I'm going non-human.

I'm getting out of there. There we go. Get up for it. When you get a bunch of fries and there's one onion ring in there. Non-human, by the way, is two of the third. Oh, you're doing, okay, sorry, go ahead. Let's talk over your pick. That's a such a good tip.

What were you going to say? I was going to say, we've gone non-human except for Arthur. Right. Yeah. Arthur's the first human in the mix. This is true. I'm sitting here. That is a good pick, though.

The onion ring and the fries. Because you're like, look at that little guy. Yeah. He's got that stand-up bit about that. Did you really? Did I steal it? You said little guy in there. Oh, no, I don't say a little guy.

I just have a big bit about the little onion ring in the fries. Gotcha. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's just when I say little guy every time. Look at this little guy. Or a fry in the onion rings, but I don't get onion rings. Okay, right. It's all, I wouldn't even consider the fry in the onion ring's a little guy.

I think the little onion ring, often at Burger King. Uh-huh. Yes. Yes. With that special textured. I would love another lique roy there. Can I have a cherry Coke zero? A regular Coke zero?

Isaac, keep all this in. But yeah, I say, I say a little guy every time I get one of those. Yeah, that is a little guy. There is like a well, well, well kind of. Look at you. It almost just, it would be a fun. Like a moth to the flame. It would be a fun experiment to be like how many people specifically

say little guy. If you just put someone in a room, give that to him, and what's the first thing they say? I bet you a lot of people, nine out to ten, be like, look at this. There's something about it hanging out with the bigger fries too. That makes them especially little guy activity. He's hanging out with the big boys. Yeah, he's there with the big boys. Bring your son to work day.

My older brother brought me to the movies with all of his teenage friends. Yeah, you went to your, it's the onion rings saying his first rated R movie. Yeah, yeah, they were nice to him. This is a bold thing because you don't like onion rinks. No, but I do like that. So I can handle an onion ring because it's just fried batter and barely an onion.

Yeah. And the easiest onion for me to handle is a cooked onion. The easiest onion. Do you hate onions? I do not like onions. I really hate onions as well. Is that why you said toppings vary when I said onions on the danger dog? I will do onions if it's a part.

It was like a univ. Some bruskees. Just crack. Just get drunk. No, onions suck, though. Get fucking. I'm with you. I don't, and like a traditional,

but so like my wife will mince an onion and put it in almost everything and it's fine. I don't think I mind. Like it's a part of a powerful dish. Yeah, chili, but I don't like onion chunks, you know. But I like sour cream and onion dip. I like onion flavor, I think. Sure, I think you do.

You like it, but yeah, yeah. I don't like the crunch of an onion. It's a nice one. Diced onions on a hot dough. It does work. It does work. At the baseball stage? At the baseball stadium?

When you turn that crank and they come flooping out. I like that flooping right out. I never heard floping before. Flupin onions is not. Flupin onions. I like that nasty little packet. Oh yeah.

Oh, that's so gnarly. I know. I know it. That's a natural. It has like a texture too. Listen, I know. A packet of the texture is tough. Yeah.

When I think of like an onion I don't like, I'm thinking of like a Shrek-style onion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm not. Layered and interesting. Yeah. Yeah. It's a big, they're bulbous. It's one of the more bulbous vegetables.

Oh, onions? On a bulbous vegetables. I like, I like, I like the word onion, but isn't it in Spanish, it's Saboya? That's a fun word. That feels exactly like what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Soboa? Yeah, suboya.

It's a fun word to say. C-E-B-O. L-L-A-A-A-A-A. The onion ring, I guess it's A-Y-A, right? That's the double L. Onion Ring hiding in the fries, and then my second pick, the older I get, my pinky toenail. Oh. I find myself saying, what is this little guy still doing there?

I had the pinky toenail on a baby's foot as a little guy. Okay. Maybe the littlest guy. It is a littler guy. It's a smaller guy. Because now I'm picturing your foot, not what I wanted to do today. That's all right. That's all right.

Keep talking. I want to break it off up in your ass. No, no. The toe nail? Don't do it. Specifically my toe. Give you a flying toenail kick. Oh, I don't like that at all.

I'm trying to decide if we want to pursue this line of caught. But like, yeah. A pinky toe nail does nothing to protect my toe or weaponize my foot. I don't know. It can get sharp. The two things you're looking for to that. Isn't that what nails are doing? They're protecting and being weapons.

Well, I was going to say it's funny because the pinky on the hand is not a little guy. It's a cocaine problem. If I, maybe if I stuck with yoga, I could do it with my pinky toe. If you did a bump out of your pinky toe, I would kick you in your chest. You imagine you're an undercover cop. You're like, I got to check this shit out. You're like, yeah, it's pure Colombian fucking booger shit. Would a cop do this?

Your wire falls out. Like it's obviously your cup. Yeah, but I can stretch. So it's got to give me something. Yeah, piggy toenail. Just I guess kind of any piggy toenail. But I was thinking, I just, they're getting smaller. The bigger my toe gets, the older I get, I don't know that my toes get any bigger.

Are your toes growing? What? I don't think so. Okay. You don't think so. No. No, my toes aren't growing all the time. I don't have to go to a special doctor for it.

No. Not at all. You have a special toe dog? They don't have to sand them down. No. Yeah, I don't go to. to a toe sander for sure. It's the same guy that does the surgery that makes you taller.

It makes your toes shorter. Where do you think they're getting that extra shin from? I don't have a belt sander in my shed that I secretly go sand my toes down. I should have done this during the break. I have to pee really bad. Keep talking about your toes. I'll be right back. I mean, I'm damn near done.

It's going to be your next pick. I'm going to read your whole list. Feels like a good time to talk about toes. It, uh, Max always freaks out when I go to cut her toenail because she thinks I'm going to cut. That's the one. It's not called a quick on a point. person. Wait.

What's a quick? It's on the dog as a quick, right? Yeah, yeah. If you cut too close on a dog. Oh, then you get the pink stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does hurt, though. That trips me out cutting animal snails because you got to squeeze their paw and just eyeball it where the nerve is.

I don't do it on Stella because I have a standard poodle. So her nails are black too. Yeah, mine too. Oh, okay. So you can't even tell. It sucks. No, I go to a second location. There's like a place in my neighborhood.

If you give a guy $10, he'll, I mean, it's also like a grooming parlor. Okay, thanks. What else is he? That would be a crazy thing to be known for in your neighborhood. Which neighborhood? Because I'm in the market. In Echo Park in this neighborhood. Oh, okay, yeah.

Yeah, I got to remember the name of it. But I've looked up like, who will clip my dog's nails? Because they were, I'm so scared of accidentally paralyzing him. And if you got a dog, you just walk him to wear it. We got cats, and so I'm like, I'm not going to put them in the whip every time because they flip out. Yeah. It's not worth it to do that. Laura's pretty good at it.

I don't do it for our cats, I guess, so I should quit talking shit. But the cats don't scare me as much. Yeah. Because it's like a lot more, their nails are a lot more slight. Yeah. But the dog's just got them thick ones. You're like, I know that shit would hurt. It feels like bones.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I don't. How, let me ask you this. How, you, I, you still biting your nails? You bite your nails? More than I'd like to.

Yeah, like in the shower when they're soft, I bite them. You know what's, nasty about me? I don't even bite them out of anxiety. It's just like, I don't know where the clipper is. Just crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My big toe nail, it's fun. This is a fun exercise trying to.

No, no. I did, though. Maxine showed me the other day. She could put her, like, toe in her mouth, and I see if I could still do it. I could still do it. Okay. It's a bummer. Man, that would have been great to be a fly on that wall.

Because Max did it. Then I'm like, I can do it too. And then I did it. And she was even, was like, could tell I was in pain. What do you think we're talking about? The splits. Kind of. Put your toe in your own mouth.

John can suck his own toe. Can I do that? No, no. I don't know if there's ever since I was a baby. You might surprise yourself. You might. It might. I can do it.

I surprised myself the other day. This would be a crazy way to find this out. No, no way. Dig, dude, no. Wait. Sean, can I see you do it? Do we want to go there? I don't want to see the...

I don't want to see the... I don't want to see the... I don't want to see the... To the position. Cool socks. Well, I mean, it wasn't my toes. It was my sock. I put socks on for you today.

I know. I appreciate that. When you woke up this morning... Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. I don't know what I thought. I had a bunch of asbestos on my toes. I don't know why it did look worse than I thought too. Yeah, really what?

It went way in there. I heard a couple things crack over here too. I bet you do. I think it was just like it was so fast. I didn't think you were going to have to do it slow, but you just crammed it in. It went up to the toe knuckle. Yeah. Yeah, you weren't even, that wasn't very difficult for you.

that's what I'm trying to tell you the other day on the couch I didn't think it'd be that easy to do good on you Isaac I saw that we're going to sell that on the Patreon for 15 bucks a pop 15 that's good let's make it 30 yeah yeah yeah we could clip that and put it on the page

is there any way you could like censor it and then we'll put the real one on the Patreon I don't think we want to be in that line of business yeah I don't think that's a let's start my own page that door doesn't shut you know what I'm My own toe site. Because guys are on wiki feet now too.

What? Yeah. Yeah. It used to be... Stay out of women's business. It used to be a safe space. No, it was where male perverts would come. I would not be interested.

Right. You're feeding into well. But, yeah, men are there now. Harsh. You take care of your toes? I do, yeah. I try. I try.

I get nasty. How often do you pedicure? I never pedic. We should do. I never do that. I just trim them and I try. to file that is gross, but the big knuckle on the big toe, I try to keep that in line. Stand it down.

Keep in the accountable. Get that felt interrupt. What is it, Austin Powers? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My second pick, it is, as of a recording time, just yesterday, 10 years since he passed. We mentioned them earlier. I am going to be taking Prince. Yeah, that's a great one.

Yeah. Prince. big guy energy. Not arguably. He's the biggest guy energy. Big guy energy, but almost in a way kind of makes him more of a little guy

to me. When a definitively little guy has kind of big guy energy, that reads a little guy to me. I also don't think you could be tall and dress like that. Absolutely not. I feel that.

Something does change. Yeah. It's a way weirder scene. If a six foot three guy was wearing like pants with like no ass, you know, like a purple with big shoulder pads? You walk into a warehouse in Minneapolis.

Yeah. And a tall guy's dressed like that. That's a different party. You walk right out. Yeah. I will see the one place where that's not the case is wrestling. Well, that's, yeah, where the Undertaker and... Kind of dress like Prince.

Yeah. Some of those guys. Macho man? Macho man? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cowboy Prince. The ultimate warrior and the prince could have shown up to something wearing the same outfit for sure.

Wouldn't that be awesome? Yeah, that'd be great. What'll look better on Prince? Him strutting around, though. He also has a little guy walk. He has a little guy walk. His walk is one of the most little guy, just with a guitar, like Ombell, like really moving the shoulders back and forth, kind of like a little guy marching around, you know, tell you know what's

going to be. That little guy smirk that he's got? Little guy hair. Mm-hmm. A little guy hair swoop. He's the best version of a little guy. Yeah. He is.

He's got the confidence that comes with it. He's got style. Like, he's got all the good qualities of a little guy. Yes. Yeah. Very talented. It's kind of arrogant, which is fun for a little guy. Mm-hmm.

I could see him getting carried around by bigger guys, which I like in a little guy. Bigger guys or gal. Or gal. Or gal. Or gal. Or some combination. Definitely. And he didn't even need to ask.

No, no, no. They wanted to. They were happy to do it. They know. Yeah, yeah. They just walk over. Hands on the waist. Pick them up, move them over to like behind the drum kit.

They came over to do that. Yeah. That's their job. Like those big guys in the Madonna videos that had their shirts off. Yeah. Like leather around their biceps and stuff. Exactly. Carry him around.

Getting carried around a palanquin, that kind of thing. You are. Like what they used to carry Xerche's around? Mr. vocab today. Aliquin. Yeah. Colsh?

Closh. Colch. I'm not the guy who said Harbinger is. I'm not the guy who said Harbinger, buddy. Oh, I wasn't that confident. Yeah. I said competent, but I meant confident. You did say acquies.

I sure did. I sure did. I said a dope word, too. Offreant. What did I get wrong earlier? Recant. Recant. You meant recant?

They're very close. I've gotten that wrong with so many people who didn't tell me, by the way. I know I have, because I've been saying that for years. I've got you. I bet I've said it on stage. No, recant and recount.

No, I'm still having the, you said acquiesce. I don't even know what acquiesce. You don't know what acquiesce means? I don't think so. You could use acquies, though, in a sentence, though, right? Yeah, I went to Macy's and bought a bottle of acquies. Yeah, that's right. For the prom later.

French for water, right? Yeah. Dior, equiates. It does sound like a collo. I don't think I can use it in a sense. Think Pirates of the Caribbean. What does acquiesce me? Doesn't he say that in that movie?

He's like, I'm just inclined to acquiesce to your request. Yeah, probably. Barbosis is that. Agree? Meet in the middle. Somewhere to the Caribbean. I'm on weird timing this morning. is what I know.

Acquiesce is to like to agree, like to give something up a little bit to someone else's demands. Kind of, is that right? It's almost like you disinclined to acquiesce to that request. I feel like Jack Sparrow was kind of doing what I do when I get those big words in front of me. We just kind of look someone in the eye and say them. Accept agree or comply with something passively, silently, or reluctantly. When the definition barely helps me, it really makes me feel dumb. If I really wanted to draft like jazz musicians, right?

And like both of you guys, you were like, hey. This shit is like when you hear about people like slow playing stuff in the media to get the public used to it, you really. Are you accusing me of manufacturing consent for a jazz draft? I think 100%. I think 100%. 100%. Like a month ago, you're like just so you know, I'm picking jazz one of these drafts. Well, okay, when we do, the.

When we do the thing where we each pick a topic that the other has to agree with, I am doing jazz. You guys are going to have to do it. That's coming out. I know. 10 years with no jazz draft is really good. Thank you very much. But after 10 years, it's going to be one a month.

The Wikipedia page goes to the jazz years. You know what would be fun is we each pick five things, and then the others have to try to guess what we were drafting. so kind of playing jazz that way But what are the other two drafting during that? We all guess. We all pick our own thing internally to draft and I go five rounds.

It would be really short because you couldn't explain your pick. Huh? It'd have to be really short because you couldn't. Like I would just say cinnamon sticks. But it could, there's something there maybe. Anyway. I think you're drafting things that come in glass bottles?

I was going to draft Apple Pie ingredients. Oh, okay. There we go. But I don't think you put the sticks in the pie. No, but shaving them. No, but like the crust would have helped me out. Do people shave their own cinnamon sticks?

We shave. We shave. We shave. Sometimes. What are you? Is it a potato peel? That's what he can calls it when he shaves his legs. It's my little cinnamon stick.

You use like a little great, like you would for a ginger or whatever. Yeah, I've seen that. Or nutmeg. You ever shave your own nutmeg? No. I don't know like that. I'm sorry. I didn't know how that would feel out loud.

Suck my kiss. Shave my nose. They just argue about the title James did Prince Rogers Nelson That's my big Jamie, talk for your second pick Okay

My next little guy is gonna be Puey Herman Oh sure Oh yeah One of my all-timer little guy Yeah he's a little guy He's a great little guy Big art guy Big art guy

Big yes Was he a big art guy Yeah did you watch the dog No I never did It's pretty good Yeah He's amazing Yeah character

Paul Rubbins both great little guys. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, I mean, I grew up watching, we had the, like, VHS set of Peewee, and so I would watch every single episode 5,000 times. I was completely obsessed with him. And then when he passed away a couple of years ago, they, like, his house was on the market, and I psychotically made up a whole backstory about, because his house was on the market for, like,

whatever, like, whatever. A lot of this money Like $7 million or something So I sort of like just made up A person and reached out to the realtor and toured his house And it was like No way It was really amazing

Like his house was beautiful You could like I don't know I was getting weird with it Furnished? No But it was so like he lived there for so long That it was like clear that it was like wallpaper He had like commissioned

They were all like he had this beautiful caddeo Like it still felt so like personal to him Yeah. But it was also very stressful because I had to maintain the lie of, like, who I said, me and my fiance were, I made it sound like we had, like, made a lot of money on Twitch or something. I made it like overly complicated. It's a believable lie, though, because who are they going to be like, no, you did not? This is really inspirational.

That's maybe disgusting. No, because now I know I can finally get into the Fresh Prince of Bel Airhouse. Yes. You just have to make up a kind of rich. guy that your average realtor probably will not push back against. Right, right, right. So we had to, we parked our Prius like a

half a mile away so he wouldn't see us going up in an ancient Prius. But it was worth it. It was worth it to me and Qie's red. Oh, no, you said you were Twitch, you're Twitch-rich. I said I was Twitch-rich, and I was

like, I really I really hope this is not the kind of thing. He's going to ask a follow-up question about it. He's like, you could broadcast from over here, you could broadcast from over here. He also is a Twitch streamer. Yeah, he's like, wait, what's your handle?

Like, I don't know. But yeah, we basically just made it sound like we were Twitch streamers with money to burn. Yeah. And Gary fell for it. That's great. That's great. Gary sounds like a little guy.

Gary does sound like a little guy. I think a lot of realtors are little guys. Oh, yeah. Yes. Let me tell you this. The Fresh Prince House, it's disappointing. Because from the outside, yes, that's the one that, like, you know, jazz got tossed out of.

Inside nothing like the show. Yeah, I believe that. Heartbreaking. Yeah, I think it's like. It's shot there for the late late stage. I think it's like I yearn for a time, you know. Without airing it out, where is it? Is it in Bel Air?

It's in Bel Air? It's in Bel Air. Oh, okay. Your homes. Well. Brentwood. It's in Brentwood. All right.

Yeah. I don't know where Belair is. Is it? Is it? Oh, okay. Beller's up a little bit, right? Maybe? Yeah.

Isaac says yes. The local LA guy. It's not Bell Ground. It's not Bell Flower. David, time for your second and third picks. Oh, Danny DeVito. Yeah, a good little guy. Yeah, I can't get away with that.

Yeah. I can't get out without that. Five, three? He's an official little guy. All heart. Yeah. All heart. Got nothing bad to say about him.

Oh, yeah. Oswald Cobble Pop for days. Mega producer, too. Yeah. He, like, produced one flu over the cuckoo's nest or something, like way back in the day. He's direct. He, I think he directed Matilda, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's amazing. No, he's the man. He's the man. And that, yeah, not much to say about him. Obviously, the man. He rules. I like him. I don't get tired of his Jersey Mike's commercials. I'll say that. And I see him a lot during sports.

I don't get tired of Jersey mics. No, that's a fact. Yeah. Yeah. He makes me more likely to go to Jersey mics. Do they have, like, cardboard cutouts of him there? They should. They do? I think they do. They do. I think so. There's one right by where I stay. Not in the one on La Siena. Yeah.

No, that got taken immediately. Yeah. You ran in. It was me. Yeah. And that's why I have to send my wife in. Get it back's way. Say it's for you.

They know your order. They're like, so this is for you. You're fogging up the glass. Open it up and bite it. Eat the sandwich in front of us, so we know it's for you. Prove to us. It's not for that guy that we can see how. I feel like it's rarely the celebrity you want the cardboard cut out of that is at the business.

There was for years, I don't know, I think they probably just couldn't get rid of it. But there was a gronk cardboard cut out at my local Dunkin' Donuts, and he was getting dirty. He'd been too close to the door one day when it was raining. He was starting to bleed color-wise. and it was just like no one wants him but also no one wants to throw him away not in New England

he'd get rid of them Was this in New England or was this here? It was in New England Oh yeah no No that's like it is illegal to throw out Gronk in New England right It is but also like clearly there was no care being put into like no one

There was no upkeep for the cardboard gronk Just slow it much like the real gronk Where they just let it knees go Kind of decaying a little bit Yeah I think like a gronk standy has to be dealt with like the American flag where you can't just throw it away

there's like a ceremony and it has to be burned yeah yeah yeah yeah just crease it before we move on to your next pick I just want to say Danny DeVito before he became an actor worked as a cosmetologist in a morgue styling the hair of the deceased God

just according to his Wikipedia Amazing 100% Penguin behavior Big time penguin behavior David time for your third pick Jerry Oh I had Jerry on my list too Yeah, Jerry's the ultimate little guy.

Wow. Oh, Tom and Jerry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Absolutely. Okay, that makes more sense. Oh, Shartfeld. I was like Jerry Jones.

What are we doing? Yeah. Yeah. Wow, okay, Jerry. What about, so you both had Jerry? Yeah. Whoa. I didn't think I was getting up like his sleeves on his face sometimes.

You're surprised we both had Jerry? I didn't know Jerry was still like pulling like that. I didn't know Jerry was. Oh, yeah. Oh, Jerry's still got these couches. Jerry's pulling. In the mannisfier. Jerry's being.

I was like, are men still talking about Jerry? Real men. He's red pill. People don't know that. Jerry took the red pill. We have full Jerry back tattoos. When we all stand next to each other, it's Jerry laying down. Yeah.

No, it's him as a mousketeer. Sean's got the sword. That part's hard. I just say there's a lot of cartoon mice to choose from like I'm surprised that we got two Jerry's. He seems like the littlest guy. He jumped in my head immediately. Wow.

Yeah, Jerry was top three. He's cute too. Yeah. He is cute. But he doesn't take no guff off of nobody. Absolutely not. Can't do it. He gets results.

Yeah, he gets results. He's not afraid of Tom at all. Yeah. He really isn't. Tom's huge. Yeah. Tom has resources. Tom is addictive.

Yeah. That is so much bit. It'd be like if a building was chasing. Tom's got the entire might of the house behind him. Yeah. Because if the owner catches the house, then it goes Tom every time. Nobody wants Jerry in there.

And Jerry's built a life for himself. Jerry has a cute apartment. He has a key. It's honestly rent control. He can't. In this city? Nothing you want to. In this city? Was he going to move up the street? Where are they? New York? Tom and Jerry?

I have no idea. Any town USA is it one of those jobs? Yeah, I never really thought. They don't really go outside? It's mostly in the house, right? They'll go outside. You ever see the Empire State Building back there when they go outside? No. If you do, they're in New York.

There's other parts of New York. Nah. Pick me on. You ever see the Statue of Liberty winning? No. Okay. And those are the two places in New York. Jamie, we're talking for your third pick.

I'm glad I didn't choose a mouse because I was considering Chuckie cheese. I'm not doing Chuckie cheese. Charles Entertainment Cheese. Charles Entertainment Cheese. blows my mind. Who he was an orphan. Yeah. It's a really upsetting back.

It's a really upsetting backstory. Really? Classic for an entertainer, though, if you think about it. Yeah, he's damaged goods. Yeah, he's trying to get the family he never had. And he's also, whatever, he was a cigar smoking rat, and then they later turned him into a skateboarding mouse. He's been on this whole journey.

Yeah. Well, he got healthy. It's true. He got healthy. He got small and he changed species. Yeah, yeah. Chuckie Cheese was, when you said Jerry, I was thinking about how Chuckie Cheese did a press junket for the Tom and Jerry movie.

during COVID. Wow. Colin Jost, Tom and Jerry movie. Yeah, that's right. He interviewed, I saw, it's one of my favorite interviews I've ever seen. It's a puppet of Chucky Cheese interviewing Michael Pena. Michael Pena is like barely tolerating. Chuck E. Cheese introduces him as my favorite actor, and I love that.

Michael Pena is Chucky Cheez's favorite actor? He's weirdly because of observing report. Into watch. Yeah, he's a big, yeah. We saw Michael Pena at the other day He was doing a Monday night restaurant Yeah

He was doing a Monday night restaurant Good for him Chuck Ech's favorite actor That's crazy Yeah But my third pick is Babu Frick I don't know who that is

Star Wars right From Star Wars Yeah Which one is that the tiny little one? I'm trying to put him on I'm trying to put Yeah Oh yeah

Sure Okay He's a little McKinnerner That little guy. I think he's in whatever the new one is. I haven't watched a second of the Mandalorian, but they have a bunch of little Babu Frix in there. Yeah.

I like it when they're old a baby at the same time. Yes, he looks like an old baby. Yeah, 100%. I like, yeah, when I saw episode 9, it was like the third Star Wars movie. I had no, like, context for like why people didn't like what was happening. And then Babu Frix shows up and I'm like, this movie is awesome. Star Wars can really turn on a dime like that, where they're like, I'm not really,

and then a creature will show up or like a little guy. And you're like, oh, shit, this rules. Star Wars also a treasure trove of little guys. I mean, yeah, you got Ewox in the mix. Yeah. Yeah, there's so many good little guys. Maybe 88's a little guy, maybe, yeah. The porgs, those are little guys.

Those are little guys. Yeah. EWox, yeah, the EWox. Yeah, the EWACs are little guys. Oh, yeah, Jalwas are little guys. Yeah. Yeah. Houdini.

How many of us have them? Because it's kind of like he said Houdini. Did that get across? Yeah. I got it. Yeah. But yeah, Bob Moufrike, I love him. He's an engineer.

He's voiced by Shirley Henderson, which I think is really fun. Who's Shirley Henderson? She's like in, I think she's in a bunch of, like, Mike Leemoor. Oh, Shirley. She's a... And she's a... Mowing Merton. Marnie Mertil.

Yeah, yeah. Interesting. I just saw her in something. It's so weird. That's what it was. It's so weird that she's Babu Frick. Yeah. But she loves Babu Frick.

She's always like pitching a spinoff series for him. They're never, never going to happen. She's like, someone should make a Disney Plus series about his love life. Yeah, they should, dude. Yeah, I'd watch that. Just a real, he's going to work every day. Kind of like nothing Star Warsy about it.

The night life for Babu Frick? I love. Babu Frick, I love. I think really, like, got the shaft because Baby Yoda came out at the same time. Everyone forgot about him. But I've got the two pieces of Babu Frick merch that exist. I like that. Stand by him.

Yeah. Baby Yota didn't feel like it had much depth. No, it's pandering. It is pandering. Babu Frick, that's innovation. I've never seen a little guy quite like this. Yeah. Get a little helmet.

He's got a little facial hair. He's so cute. He's so cute. Yeah, I wonder if they're going to make it into the movie this summer. The Mandalorian movie. He's on the poster. He is, okay. I'm like,

he'll be on the big screen. I'm going to see him in IMAX. I can't wait. Little guy getting big. I will be falling asleep for large swaths of them. But when I hear that dulcet tone, hey, hey. Like coming up. Sliper cell.

I don't want to see it. It looks, although isn't that the movie with Jeremy Allen White as John? of the Hut's son. Yeah. Apparently he's hot. He's like a hot hut. What point in your career is that? Would Jeremy Allen Hut?

Post Bruce Springsteen biopic. The Oscar nomination didn't come through. So now you have to be Jabba the Hut's son. The movie was about Nebraska. I know. I liked it, but I liked every music biopic. I like everyone I've ever seen. Yeah, I started theaters.

Wow. I just see Hill Street Blues. No. Hill Street Blues, the original TV show? No, song sung blue. Oh, song sung blue. Sorry, I'm shit finished. David's off that cherry-cooks.

David and I got up and went to the beach. He got a hammered. Yeah, I drove Sean here very drunk. With my third pick, I'm going to take mini corn dogs. Oh. Oh. Oh, wow. It was next.

Really? It was next. Wow. It was next. We're on sinking up. This is great. None of a gun. Okay.

I wanted a food on there. I couldn't think of a food that's more of a little guy than a mini corn dog. Yeah. When they come pouring out. Sucks little guys. They get to go swimming in their ketchup and their mustard pools. Yeah, and they're hot little guys too. They're hollowed us.

And they're usually ratioed exactly the way I want. That's kind of for me, the ideal way to eat a corn dog is the mini corn dog. Corn dogs invented in Oregon. You know what I want to tell every bar preparing mini corn dogs? I want to go back there and be like, why don't you take them out of the friar about 30 seconds before. Because I don't need them to punish me for eat. What do you think about what the Koreans have done with the tech? What have the Koreans done with it?

A Korean dog? What haven't they done? A Korean dog? They're going nuts over there. Why is this the first we're hearing of this? I don't know. We're all looking at, yeah, Isaac's popping his collar. Why haven't you told us about that?

You know we love corn dogs? I did not know that you loved corn dogs. You know he loves corn dogs. Well, I could have assumed that. Yeah, he could have guessed. Yeah. Koreans are doing a lot of things with the Western cuisine. They are going crazy in general.

Snack culture over there is waiyo. Are we breading it differently? What are we doing with the corn dog? They got cheese cubes on there, buddy. Yeah. It's all about what you can put inside of the corn exterior. Flaming and hot dust. Yeah, I see that now.

I love the flaming hot dust corn dog. Where does one go in Los Angeles? A Korean mozzarella corn dog? To procure one of them. of these. Brother, we can hit you. I'll drop you off after this. Yeah, we could go at 3 p.m.

I am going to the beach today. I just Googled Korean dog and a picture of Isaac came up. Hard to do, man. You know what? I always wanted to make corn dogs at home. How would you do it? I think it's just corn batter

and I was thinking it'd be fun to do it with Costco dog. Okay. But do you have to have a deep friar? I mean, I think I could just do it in a pot. Can't you boil grease? I bet. Yeah, you can do it.

It's like when you're frying chicken or you don't think that works. It's like when you're frying chicken. Be careful. But have you ever fried chicken? He's got a hazmat suit on. I'm not fried chicken. Like you're welding? I think it's probably a very similar situation.

Or like you made donuts at home. I'm saying be careful. No. Have you made donuts at home? Yeah. Where do you get the technology for that? Under the sink. What do you?

Wait, how do you make a dough? You're fried. You just boil a pot of grease. Yeah. And then you make the batter. What is grease? Where do you get the grease? What do you get hot fat?

You buy it? What? This is crazy. Hot fat. I don't know how to create. You can go buy grease. You guys have never deep fried just like in a pot. Uh-uh.

I don't cook. I don't know what I'm doing. All right. I could just go buy like grease at Costco or something. Yeah. When I'm complaining about the soda that they made me take. Well, it's called oil. Oh, so like cooking oil?

Yeah, it's deep frying. Okay. I'm just going to go home. Laura, I'm making donuts tonight. My mom makes these weird banana cakes, too, that she deep fries. That sounds good. It's like banana and a little bit of flour and sugar and it gets into a batter and then she... I hate to move us off the deep frying topic.

Sorry, we got to go. We do have to take another short break. Oh, sorry. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy. Everything already in progress. Sean Jordan is about to make his third and fourth picks. I'm going Wully Bear Caterpillars.

Oh, those little guys. No, the lolly bear is. They're the black, sort of rust, black rust. And you're hiking, you see one on the trail. And it's just, oh, my gosh, look at this old guy. And then get them on a leaf, move them to the grass. So none of these hikers smash it. That's like the brown, black brown.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're cute. They really are so fuzzy. So, yeah, like some of the caterpillars are just green skin, which is great, but it's not very cuddly. This is a cuddly. We get it on your hand and it feels like. They photograph great.

Yeah, it's almost fuzzy and wuzzy. Yeah. Yeah. A little fuzzy, little wuzzy. Yeah, our fuzzy and wuzzy. Yep. I feel like the orange part's more the wuzzy. In the sake of time,

Wully Bear Caterpillar. And then I'm going to go Cotton Hill. Oh, from King of the Hill. That's a little guy. That's an aggressive little guy. That's a guy you only mark the party for a couple hours. Yeah. Yeah.

A specific genre. Yeah, he's a specifically rough around the edges. Mad little guy, but he's a little guy. More fun to talk about than to hang out with. I don't know if I'd ever want to see him in real life. I hate to see him coming. Fun to watch fly on the wall when he comes to see when he's talking to Hank. Hank's wife.

Right? He had his shins blown off? He had a shins blown off. He killed Fitty men. I can't fit he men. Excellent pick. Thanks, buddy. I'm going to take Martin Scorsese.

Whoa. Yes. Yeah, little guys love cheesebread. He, does he love cheese bread? Yeah, at the, uh, at the goddamn the smokehouse. Nope, that's Coppola's cheese bread. Oh, yeah. I know you're talking about that place up in Noho, right?

Smokehouse. Burbank. Burbank. Scorsese might like it, too. Yeah, we've been to the smokehouse. Yeah, I think so. Smoke has rocks. Scorsese is such.

It really does rock. Yeah. Sometimes they have really funny lounge acts in the bar, too. Yes. We were going to go see Elvis there the other night, but then we were going to go see Elvis there the other night, But then our night went crazy. Yeah, yeah. You know what our...

Oh, go ahead. I got a Mother's Day reservation at the smokehouse. I'm so excited. I've never been to their, like, freaky, like, meat buffet or whatever. I haven't either. I didn't know that at all. Like a Fogna Chow style or you got to get up and get it? No, Fogna Chow style freaks me the fuck out.

I can't do Fogo to Chow style because someone at the table is always in a contest with you and I don't like that. That's right. It is. I went to Fogo de Chowl three weeks ago. Oh, what is? Is it still the same? I haven't been like 10 years. It's exactly the same.

There were some rappers outside smoking weed. Yeah. It's exactly the same. I like being approached with a sword, but it's a good thing. Yeah. There was a dude in there by himself. Oh, no. It's always like...

He's in a contest with God. Yeah. And who knows who's winning. There's like someone at every table that becomes their worst self at every go to chow. Yeah. That are like, actually, I want to prove I can eat more shrimp than anyone I've ever met.

Yeah. Just leave the pineapple. Oh, you're flipping your card over? You're flipping your card over already? You just got here. I want you to hurt. Fokin a child's stressful environment. I do love it. I mean, I think I rise to the level of competition in there. I'm waiting. You play up and play down.

I skip the salad bar for sure. Oh, it's wet. That's how they get you. That's what I kept saying to Alana. The bread is wet too. That's how they get you. There is a wet air inside of the focus. Chow.

Human. Yeah. There's the humidity. A meat humidity. Because I'm sweating trying to eat through the deals. Yeah. I want to make money. Yeah.

There is kind of a wet air at the smokehouse. It's just like any restaurant where it's like eternal night. Yeah. Where the lights have never really been on. Good point. And colored leather. Yes. So much red leather.

Tiffany. Fake Tiffany glass. Yeah. You can hear yourself stand up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A vibe.

You leave your belt in the car. Yeah. Martin Scorsese, I'm not sure how he feels about the smokehouse, but he is for sure a little guy. Big eyebrows. Big eyebrows. Big eyebrows. Little guy.

Well, they're just normal eyebrows. He's just such a little guy. They really stand out. But I love how much energy he has. I love how excitable he is, which is one of my favorite kind of little guys. Martin Scorsese, Jamie Tomp for your fourth pick. I wanted to put,

get a woman into the mix for my little guys. And he's a genderless concept, right? Thought about bringing Hello Kitty into the mix. Oh, but I think for me the character that has just

undeniable little guy spirit is Michigan J-Frog Oh, yes. I like that. The premise of him is that

he's a little guy Yeah. Big personality. What is Michigan Jayfair? Hello, my baby. Hello my own. Hello my rock time.

He's even got the hat. Yeah. He's got the hat. Yeah, the hat. The cat is a consummate entertainment. Absolutely. But he also only does

it when he wants to. Yeah. It's true. He, like many performers can turn it off. And I appreciate that. Sure. Yeah.

He's a real confession. Michigan J. Entertainment Frog. That's right. I love him so much. Yeah, Michigan J. Frog is great. Yeah. I also love in space balls when the alien does it.

At the very end. Yeah. I always think about that. Pops out and then does the little... I hadn't seen Alien or Star Wars when I saw space balls. And all of that was still funny to me. Yeah. Like I still, I was like, well, this is all good.

And then you see... The power of yet another little guy. I won't say, just in case. He is to draft our friend. Our friend. David, your final two picks. In the spirit of it being generalist, I'm taking Michelle Tanner. Oh, what a little guy. The character from Full House.

Yeah. You got it, dude. That's a little guy behavior. Having a catchphrase is a little guy, I think, too. Such a little guy they had to put two and one. Yeah. Great pick. And your final pick.

Oh, Schoolhouse Rock the Bill on Capitol Hill. Oh, he's a little guy to me. Yeah. He's just a boo. Great pick. Jamie, your final pick. Okay, I'm going another deep cut, but I just want to get her name out there. Yes.

The purple Eminem. Okay. Yeah. Absolutely. She is the Eminem with the least press. I love her personality. The way they workshopped this Eminem's personality is insane. They make her insecure.

She's the Eminem with anxiety. horrible pitch for character. She's briefly voiced by Amber Ruffin, but then I don't know. She's disappeared. She's all but disappeared. I got to look this up. I was thinking green when you have not seen her before.

Green is the Eminem that everyone freaks out about. Yeah, when they made her less hot, it was, that was a really catastrophic day. They gave her, like, different shoes, right? Yeah, she's to have like... They took her heels away. Yeah.

And they took something from us when they did that. Absolutely. Brown Eminem, she's the Eminem with the glasses. She reads. She's the Eminem. Eminem that can use acquiesce in a sentence. She has a good read to count. Love her.

Love her also hot. And then purple Eminem, they just were like we've run out of personalities. And so they, yeah, her catchphrase, I have like a mug and a shirt because you're just like no one is buying it. It's always on sale. Is flawless. How about flaw more? What? What?

They wrote that? To sell candy? Yeah. Awesome. To who? Who's candy is that? She's supposed to be the like, I think, cold brew caramel.

She's also an obscure Eminem. Her personality is that she kind of sucks, but everyone accepts her. She has flawless. How about flama war? How about flaw more? It's just such a toothless. What a Friday at 5 o'clock.

That's really funny. I love her. That's really funny. That's nuts. The purple Eminem. I spelled it like Eminem the rapper. Purple. My final pick, I'm going to take Mugsy Bugs.

Yeah. Five foot two NBA basketball player. But also just played like a little guy, looked like a little guy. If he would have been 610, he would have looked like a little guy. It's a shoulders thing. It's a shoulders thing. Every color of Boggs. That's the little guy T-shirt.

It's a shoulders thing. You wouldn't understand. That's marketing. Played for the Charlotte Hornets, which is like a little guy itself. The Charlotte Hornets. mascot is a little guy. He was on the Charle of Hornets. Just little guy all around.

A little stinger. Yeah, no mascots in anyone's trapped. Sean Jordan. Meerkats. Oh, those are little guys. Yeah. You know, one mere cat. That's a little guy.

It's a little guy's dance. Yeah. Yeah. Little guys know how to make an entrance too. There's always a boop. Yeah. They got a thing at the Portland Zoo where a kid can go in like stick their head up and they're in the bubble.

They're in the Mirat Village. Anyone who can fit can do it. Yeah, I can do it too. It's also for a big guy. You want to feel like you're dominating something. Not just kidding. Isaac, do you have a pick? Yeah, in honor of the World Cup, which is starting today by the time this airs,

Lionel Messey. A consummate little guy. A generational little guy. Generational little guy. I thought you were going to say Diego Maradonna. Maradonna is also a little guy. Little guy. Pele is also a little guy.

Big pile of cocaine. The three best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, unfortunately, that also goes hand in hand with. little guys. Some of them. Yeah, Martin's Gorsese for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He calls it cheese bread. To recap, David, you went first. He took Punch the Monkey, Danny DeVito, Jerry from Tom and Jerry, Michelle Tanner, and the Bill from Schoolhouse Rock. Jamie Loftus, you went second. You took

the minions, specifically Kevin, but all minions, Pee-Wee Herman, Babu-Frick, Michigan J-Frog, and the purple M&M. What was their catchphrase again? Flawless. How about Flawmore? Yeah, that's right. I took Arthur Carmel, The mini corn dog, Martin Scorsese, and Mugsy Bugs. Sean, you went last, you took the onion ring and the French fries, the pinky toe nail. Which you let to you put in your foot in your mouth, literally. The woolly bear caterpillar, Cotton Hill, and Mere cats. The only things I really left on the board was the mini Cooper and any baby elephant.

Yeah, I have like, I had the Taco Bell dog. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, yeah. Red M&M. Oh, you got, okay. But once I was like Yeah I had plankton Oh yeah

Yeah A little guy which helps some of our biggest guys exist Yes Yeah I saw footage of a whale Baby whale How they drink milk It's crazy

Also now because of it's 2026 Like you can't be sure That it was an AI But I It looks just like a jet of milk flies out And the baby whale Opens its mouth and like swims into it Out of the crazy looking

Mother? Yes They drink milk, they're mammals. That is a defining thing of a mammal. I just learned that. All mammals drink milk. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

And they're born with like some fur or something. Memories. Hair. It's part of being a mammal. Yeah. That's just very interesting footage that I'd never seen before. Wow. Yeah.

It's, yeah, all of the haunted little AI guys, they're disqualified. But there are, I mean, someone was talking about them in front of me. And because my phone is spying on me, they started showing up in my feed. Those, like, little cartoons with the AI vegetables that are crying when you boil them. Yeah. They're doing a lot more than getting boiled in my feed. I'll tell you that.

What's going on in your feed? It's fucked. Isaac, you know what I'm talking about. They're getting cut, right? I mean, it's like sausage party. What's happening? Sign up when my mama told me Patreon to you. Don't.

Don't let's just say they're having babies that aren't carrots. Yeah. Oh, okay. It's going. It gets weird the way. No, it's even more. It's so far. I'll explain it after this.

Okay. All right. All right. Well, we want to hear your picks for little guys. Hit us of an All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout it to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon, where you can get live episodes, bonus episodes, auction drafts. This or That episode's Mailbag, our belly watch along, a Roman J Israel

Esquire watch along, forthcoming. All sorts of extra stuff. All for the price of a cup of coffee a month. Shout out to the AFE subreddit, the AFE Sharslackety. Shout out to our wonderful producer, Isaac Lee, on the ones and the twos over there. Shout to our fantastic guest, Jamie Loftus.

Thank you so much for coming. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Shout to St. Sue Carmel. Shout to Frankie Ocean. Shout to Sid the Dude out to Hodju Beats. It's more important than all of that. Tune again next week to another brand new episode

of All Fantasy, Everything. Flawless. We're like flaw more. That was a hate gum podcast. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast, a new show coming to F***. Coming to F***.

That's what it is. Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville. And I'm Jeff Tremaine. Welcome to Jackass the podcast. A new show coming to HeadGum soon. Woo-hoo. I've learned a Jack-A-Gum. movie has to be really 90 minutes.

Every minute over is a minute too long. Apparently, there's only so much butthole you can take. We're going to take you behind the scenes of our entire history. All the best bits, bad behavior, and even worse decisions. All of it. Sometimes we don't make the right decisions, Jeff. I've noticed that.

Every so often. With guests like Spike Jones. I think this committed Jackass the podcast. What was it going to be called? The Jackass Podcast. The Jackass Podcast. Without you, The IQ drops significantly. Steve-o.

There's a strong chance that were it not for jackass that I would be in cloud makeup right this fucking minute. Chris Pontius. That shot of your butt just cruising out. I'm like, I got that on TV. God bless us. Dave England. Yeah, when you come in and you're being really nice,

I'm like, damn it, something bad's going to happen to me. Wee man, Jeff grabbed me from the back of the head and threw a punch. The whole bar just stopped and wanted to kill me. And some of the crew that's been with us from the beginning. I had to share a room with this guy. I left a nice surprise in the toilet form. Every time.

Apparently he hates to flush. Subscribe to Jackass the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Pocketcast, or wherever the hell you get podcasts. Our new episodes drop on June 18th. Look out for new episodes in your feed every Thursday. Watch video episodes on YouTube. and follow along with us on Instagram and TikTok at Jackass the podcast. What were we just talking about?

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