All Fantasy Everything - Luxury Amenities (w/ Daniel Van Kirk)

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

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This is a headgum podcast. from the world of popular culture on today's episode we are drafting what do we decide to call this one luxury home amenities luxury home amenities are guest today when we say amenities go on how different is that from appliances same same thing yeah but how different but then there's also things like I think it's I think it's a book because there's certain there's certain appliances that you're like damn you spent that much money on that appliances are amenities yeah not every amenities in appliance exactly okay well I just have some we'll get into it outside the house too You'll know it when you jerk off.

We're talking on my property. We're talking on the land. Yeah, on the land that I am. Oh, I thought we were talking in the house. We are. We are. All over. Yeah.

Okay. Sure state. Our guest today is all fans of everything favorite. Our favorite. Stand-up comedian, podcaster, actor, dancer. Dancer vancurt. High planes, DJ. High planes, drinker.

I didn't make it to one of those parties. Me either, bro. I heard about it, though. I made it to be one for life. like 10 minutes. I did not I'm oh I is I was X is on my eyes by 10 o'clock most I used to shut down every single one

Sam that's the latest I've ever been to one because they're like do you want a DJ and then I ended up doing for an hour and a half and when the black dudes like the three black dudes who are there when they come up to you and they're like that's fucking great song you're like I'm going to keep going what was the song uh I think when I played Chumbabumba

no there was a couple I was all I was doing was just playing 90s R&B that's what I mean it's That's all you have to do. It's like every party works for that. Yeah. Every single party works for that. David played SWV and I came up and gave my handshake.

I'm like, this is great. This is what we need it. It's made for that. It's like, it's like playing jock jams at a football game. It's like, well, yeah, that's what this is for. Yeah. It's from getting people dancing on the dance floor. What was the last jock jam?

That's a great. Oh, Seven Nation Army. What was the last year that they put the compilation out? That's a good. Sevenation Army is a good job. Sevenation Army is a good. Sevenation Army. is the last, like, jock jam that got banged down.

I'm going to say, oh, six. What's seven nation army? I don't even... Oh, do, do, do, do, da, da, white strips. That's a jock jam. Although, you know what is actually is, um, is, uh, I got her. Oh, uh, Moamba. Momba's a jock jam.

Big time. The newest jock jam is gasoline. That's what you're doing, right? No, Mo, Bobba's after gasoline. Mo Bamba's like, What's the moment? Like, I'm a motherfucking Duhn, that one?

I got Hose calling because Shack West made it about Momba because they grew up together. Yeah. Wow. Which is funny because he was in the NBA

for like three years. Yeah, yeah. I'd go 2001. So it's most people. Yeah, so's most people. That's three years that. 99% of people? 06, I'm saying.

I'm saying 01. Ooh. Anyway, it was probably past 06. I think it's 98. I'm going to put 04 on it. All right, let's see. O1.

O1? But it was the all-star jock jams. That's all right. Okay. When was the last full jock? 99. What were, can you track list it?

Are you looking? I could look at, yeah. Volume 5? There's only five. There's only five jock jams. Yeah. How much for the box set? That can't be more than 50.

How much for the box set is why? Shock gyms! Yo, that's the infomercial I want to see. Sean isn't a vinyl now, actually. I don't know most of these songs. Go read them off. Well, yeah. You do, though.

You like Gary Glender is a guy. Can you feel it? Van Orr Wright Reach up Perfecto All-Stars I'm blue We like to party By the Vanga Boys

Yeah we like to party Yeah we know that way Ray of Light by Madonna Yeah Miami by Vils I don't know if that's a jock Gym Re of Life is not a jock jam

You said Miami's on there This is the last year Okay This is when On the way out It's 99 This is yeah yeah yeah There's too close

By next That's not a that's a That's a motor gym That's a new I don't know why Better box set Yeah This is very confusing

Nice and slow by Usher is on here What? jock jams they were under new management somebody yeah they fully under new manned our jock wasn't running it anymore they had already committed to a 2001 edition that's what it was and they were like yeah like damn could we put garry glider on here again call up the now music people because we need help yeah should i go to 2000 should i go to the first one in 95 what's the first mortal combat theme let's get ready to rumble yeah yeah get ready for this yeah whoop there it is

yeah strike it up uh-huh toothy roll yeah come on pop it up go ahead go ahead yeah um come Baby, Come. Come, baby, come, baby, come, come. It takes two. No, I don't think so. Everybody dance now by CSC music. Yeah, yeah. Gonna make you sweat, yeah.

Jesus, yeah. Why I'm seeing by Village people for some reason? Sure. No, they always had a game. When I DJed, I just played 1995 Jock Jam. Yeah. Who says, Come, Baby, come. Is it someone daddy in their name?

That's a really, K-7. K-7. That was wrong. So wrong. His name is Lewis Sharp. His guy's real name is Lewis Sharp. And magnetic zeros. That's so.

that's a jock jamms that's a jock jam yeah that's a jock jam yeah that's okay i used to love listening on the bench when i when all of my peers played in the game you had headphones on they would play it in the stadium okay yeah yeah yeah the championship game for city football was in the stadium at usd they had in the silver dome yeah awesome like it was really awesome we got to like run out onto the field like astroturf and everything that's cool you guys get to do that stuff no uh we play the settler bowl sometimes that was like cherry Creek schools, I guess, owned it. And then we had, our school

was not bad where we played. It was like dug out, but it was only like half. Like half of it was stadium seating and then the other half the away team was like bleachers on the other side. Mud, blankets and the mud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So our place was cool. Yeah. We played in the arena where the Portland Timbers

play now. We played one game. Wow. Yeah. That was pretty fun. Yeah. I got a concussion. Don't give a shit. Play Beaver. Fun story. Can I podcast ask you guys a question? Yeah. Only because I get anxiety. You only want one red light, right? You're shooting one in the wide?

I couldn't tell you. What? Oh, no, no, no. We're shooting all three. We have, we have ISOs going. Oh, okay. Yeah. I only saw one red light.

Only one of them has a red line on them. Is that an issue? No, it's, I'm recording all three. You can see all three? I only, I only because I care, and I've been in this scenario. Oh, it's because I'm not using the switcher, but if I switched it. The red on moon. Oh, yeah, there is.

Okay, there is. I only because I care. Isaac did this from a wedding yesterday. Yeah. you're a fucking pro dude that is a flex like in our world that is a legitimate flex

with it and watch my phone from the wedding I'm like you can do that and it was Charlie XX's wedding yeah she was smoking six yeah I just heard the FX she's fucking ripping darts

she's ripping darts in the wedding and he was too they were ripping the same dart from both ends in a cathedral the cigarette with no butt yeah okay

the untold This just reminded me I smoked the skinniest cigarette I've ever seen You got a Virginia Slim? I don't know what he

I have no idea what it was It was long and It was like a needle dick cigarette Where'd you get it? It's a Virginia Just at the house party Yeah Those things they're like pinners

You I mean you There's almost no way to do it My Grammy used to smoke them They were more like Toothpick So I felt like I was holding a toothpick A little straw It's a little cocktail straw

A straw yeah you were smoking last night, Isaac? One cigarette. The hatred in your voice when you said it. This fucking cigarette. I was amazed,

but I've never seen them before. Damn. Easy flux in a movie. R-IP to mom's cigarettes, huh? Yeah, I guess the kids don't know about it. My mom smoked Salem 100s. That was her... Were those kidding?

Nope. I remember when we turned 18, we had a friend of ours going and buy a pack of Misties. We thought it was going to be so funny. Uh-huh. Like the guy at Conoco is going to think he's gay because he's smoking misties.

Nothing happened. He just came to the car with Misties and now we have Misties over. I was at Halloween at my hometown. I walked out to my aunt and uncle's driveway. They got a little portable fire pit in the driveway for Halloween. And I look at my cousin and go, are you smoking a black and mild? Nice. Was he?

And he goes, yep. Wow. Yeah. And I'm like, this is some sense memory right now. When I moved to Portland, I quit smoking and I started smoking black and mild and swishers and stuff. Then I'm just, after a month of that, I'm inhaling them. And I'm like, now I'm just going to start smoking again, because this is way buckering. Smoking black and mild is nuts.

I would inhale. I'd get like two packs or five in a pack and I'd smoke 10 of those in a night. And you're like, what are you doing? You smoked 10 black and miles in a night? Every now and again, yeah. That's got to be a record of some sort. The full black and mild? Well, no, these guys.

Oh, the short ones. Not that, not that, not the, yeah, the ones that look like little joints, kind of. Yeah. I was picturing. But I would get like a wood tibing. Yeah, I was like, God. I'd get like a cherry tip swisher, though, like the big ones, and I'd inhale that whole thing overnight.

I'd put it out, you know, a bunch. I remember thinking I was classy, like, no, these are red wine, black. That's what I'm saying. All because of Bing Rames, where I'm like, well, Bing Rames is doing it. I feel like, this makes me all right. So they're not that mild. Is that what? They're just huge.

They're like a malt liquor cigarette. They're dense as fuck. They smell great. They do smell amazing. It's supposed to be a cigar. You're not supposed to inhale it. And the tip, you know, if you get the walture. Cigiletto.

It's all flavored up. Yeah. So it tastes pretty good. I've never been a smoker. Yeah. Weed only. No, that's awesome. Yeah.

You just, it was cigars are always good. It's never happened. Plenty of other stuff that's bad. No, no, no. I know it's just like, you should be glad you know. Because cigarettes, too,

are like once you get far enough away from it and you haven't done it for a while, at least for me, I'll smoke a cigarette if I'm, like, drunk or some shit now. And it's like, it's like, it's so bad. Yeah. Oh, man. I just smell it. You know what I never got with cigars?

I taste it. Murdoch cigar. They get wet. And it gets soaked. Yeah. That, to me, I think I have a little, it bothers me a little more than most. Saliva and just wet shit. And it's crazy that people do that for hours.

Yeah. Just sit and, like, talk about how much they hate their wives in some room. And everyone's while they're doing that little spit. Yeah. Yeah. Because there's no, this tobacco. He's got a little tobacco leaves out. Because there's a wall of tobacco, like a tidal wave of tobacco coming at your mouth.

It's so funny. Sean Jordan is here. Thomas Jordan. What's up, bro? Chancougar Mel and Jordan on Instagram. December 22nd, Healing Comedy Club. Thank you for doing that. I didn't want us both to have camo hats on.

I got it. It did occur to me that we both had camo hats right before I did it. How's my salad, though? I haven't quite, Healing Comedy Club, December 22nd. Come there for the holiday variety show I'm doing. I haven't quite figured out how to put product in my hair yet. I think it looks good, but you just had a hat on, so it's going to look a little. But does it look greasy and dirty?

No. No? I don't think so. I think you're really good at putting product in your hair I am Is there no product in there? Of course there's product in here I don't know if you're good at it

Of course there's I am Why do you just say say more You fucking fool It's also he knows I know he knows I don't think I'm good at doing it You're just fucking rub shit And you just put it in there

You've had perfect hair forever Ever The entire time I've known you You've had perfect hair So don't you come at us with this I do Oh who me? with a pinky ring?

A Dalic karaoke ass. We look over he has a Virginia slim. Yeah. M-O-I? M-O-I. Yeah. You're learning French. O-U-I.

You're learning French. You're doing it, John. Depends on what product. Are you talking about wax? Are you talking about hameid? Hard work. Elbow grease. There you go.

That's what I put in my hair. Faith in Christ. Yeah, dude. You don't do anything? I just started putting some stuff in there a little like, a little dab of this not pomade it's like the loose stuff

the white loose stuff no it's not moose it's crazy it's like a light it's like a paste yeah yeah yeah I don't beat off and put it in it's like a paste that I put in there so it's not your nut someone else is nut it's hard to get sometimes

yeah the possibilities with you are limitless yeah like I feel like there's a lot of hairstyles that would really work for you I'm gonna go on record you'd probably look a little news of me but you could probably go straight back and it would not look bad i've done it i get out of shower sometimes and i play games and uh sure of course that's yeah i've seen home alone you should play it you should soft play it just be like pat riley for halloween one year oh he would crush i could get a dude you probably

could get cast on late night doing a newsome but at myers brother already has it that might be right yeah yeah you could but i think it would look good you could there's so much you could do i've slid with envy you could follow the bradley cooper for my book i was kyle and i Kyle and i Kyle Canaan and I were in Grand Rapids, Michigan and I'm shopping around for beanies. I put one on, I'm like, I have two and I looked at, I go, how much hair for this? And he's like, oh yeah, that's a bummer.

It's one of those like, when's that baby dude? Kyle's flying with a beanie bag. I already own that one. Oh yeah, it looks good on, Jordan. You should follow the Bradley Cooper playbook, dude. I feel like you have... Elephant Man. Silver linens.

Silver linings. big fake nose no hair wise i think you could just do a lot of bradley cooper hair yeah you literally you have beautiful i want that stuff thank you i want that stuff that makes it look like there's nothing in it but it's very easy to manage my shit gets all uh because i don't wash my hair it's it gets dirty is this interesting can't be interesting i don't we're hanging december 22nd david board is here cool guy jokes david on instagram on instagram what when is this

come on December 18th wow i got merry christmas happy honica yeah i ain't got shit i'm laying load till the end of the year, baby. Yeah. I'm inside. Daniel Van Kirk is here. Hey. Yeah. What's up?

At Daniel Van Kirk on Instagram. I don't know. There's a chance. Check Daniel vancirk.com. I might be doing a show on the 27th in Iowa. They literally asked me yesterday. Yeah. Where and I went on?

Cedar Rapids, I believe. Cedar Rapids, sure. Yeah. Is that one okay? It might be French. Yeah, that's fine. No, I don't know. They just said, hey, would you be interested in if you're home

and headlining this show for us. I got nothing against trees and rapid and, like, water, so that's all good. Sean took umbrage with how much French is used in Midwestern... Get out of here, Des Moines? Debuke. Do you think that's because of the Mississippi River? They went up from New Orleans. Yeah.

Yeah. And they just were like, well, we stopped here, and then we'll make it this. Joliette. Yeah. I mean, Pierre, Pierre in South Dakota, but that would be Pierre if you said it right. Yeah. Pierre. Is Peoria

French? Maybe. Sounds like it. His first place I ever featured this, right? Desplanes, yeah, Peoria. Yeah. Peirreia. Peirre.

Pierre. Peirre. Peirre. Pierre. St. Charles. St. Charles. Where do I live?

I live in Peirre. Wait, why does it bother you? It doesn't. It doesn't. I don't know. It seems real. He is the one that doesn't like French people. I'm fine with everybody.

I'm a descendant of the French. Self-moving. No, I don't. I like a church, yeah. He, t'was merely a jape. Don't call me a j'nish. T'was merely a jest and a jape. Daniel, your last name is Dutch.

Yes. How Dutch are you, do you know? I'm Scottish and Dutch, primarily. Is Vannes short for Vanniel? Yes. Daniel Vanyl. Daniel Vanyl. It's literally Rory created that nickname in 2017.

Daniel Vannual. you know when you do a merch line and I say this with love and a fan wants to like drop a cut so they're like yeah they'll be like Daniel Daniel I get it you love pen pales

and I love that but it is a it is a you know what was the old thing I don't know if any of you know this you know the old Christian thing the first time they were pretending to be prosecuted all the time or persecuted

and they would draw a fish in the sand yeah and they would draw the other one that's like the version the comedy version of that, I'm being like, hey, here's my son. Is that real? I always wondered, is that real? The Jesus fish, does it matter? No. I really don't care.

You're right. Does it need to be? I ex-O-I-E, baby. But yeah, so, yeah, Daniel Vanier. Have you ever heard that? I've seen it on the back of cars and took a long time. What, the Jesus fish? Yeah, the Jesus fish. What about it? Somebody would walk up to you and they would draw half with their foot in the sand and then you would draw the other half to be like, yeah, me too. Oh, I didn't go to those beaches. Like a code, like a password. Yeah. A shiboleth?

A shiboleth. A shiboleth. Never once happened to me. A call and response. No, I don't... Like D-Day, thunder, lightning. Yeah. Yeah.

The way he love me is frightening. Yeah. You better knock on wood. Baby. I think it really into Donna Somer lately? She's great. Yeah. Did you watch the doc?

No, there's a doc? On HBO. Really? I think it's one of the music box ones. Okay, yeah. I'll definitely watch that. Did you see the... Her voice has so much character.

It really does. I really like that about her voice. Bad girls! That sounds great, dude. On the radio? Yeah. I saw the PBS doc for Teddy Pendergrass. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Concerts only to women. People do not know. I mean, I don't think people know how hot he was. Are you talking about Theodore Pendergrass now? Yeah. Yeah. I don't think people know what those shows were and where he was in the zeitgeist.

Yeah. Was it really only to women? Mm-hmm. Like, guys couldn't go or they just didn't go. Walk in, swim out. Swimming women. You're not wrong. I have never seen.

a photo of Teddy Pendergrass until just now. That guy is hot. He's not wearing a shirt, right? That is a hot man. The album cover with the maroon shirt on button is crazy. He would come out with four buttons undone. Fifth one would be by the end of the first song, no shirt, rest of the shirt. But I mean, you hear him sing and you're like, yeah, man.

I know. Close the fucking door. My girl's in here, dog. Close the door. We ain't got nowhere to go. I'd like to leave with her. Yeah, no, he was he was top tier. Teddy was on. But yeah, but going back on some of those like that era, you're like, oh, my God, this is.

Oh, it's just great music. Why don't you start calling some plays out of the Teddy Pendergrass playbook? Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Next time we're a karaoke. Next live event, only ice queens. That's it. Queens only.

Here's Pendergrass and a cowboy hat. Yeah, I've seen that, too. You know, his manager, Shep Gordon. Really? Yeah. The Ubermensch? Yeah. All right.

You know how he got him? How? They hung out for like four days and he was like, after four days, you're going to be asleep and I'm going to be calling a cat. Basically, like, let's go party. They went band for band. I'm going to party you into the bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. He talks about it in Supermensch. I probably saw that, but I probably didn't hold on to it. I got to watch that again. Have you seen Supermitch? Yeah. Good documentary. I watch it with you.

Yeah. That's, I would love that because it's kind of a justification for parting as hard as you can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For four days in a row. And that's how show. business used to work. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was no algorithm. They didn't do that at Montreal. No, yeah. Yeah, Rachel Russell wasn't like... Kind of dude. Well, like a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the documentary about the movie producer who...

The kid stays in the picture? No, no, no, no. Oh, God. No, he produced Elvis's, like, comeback tour, Jerry Weintraub. Did you see the Jerry Wynchrop? There is a scene in the Jerry Wynchrop dock where he's got a wife that he lives with and a woman that he's been cheating on for years. And like another woman.

Yeah. And then his wife finds out about her and throws him out. And then he calls a meeting. This is the he's a producer. Like with his people? He calls a meeting with his wife and his girlfriend. And he goes, here's the deal. I love both of you.

I've loved both of you for years. And I will give you everything of me that I can. That's the way it is. Deal with it. And they both were like, okay. Wow. One draw. It is insane.

crazy yes it's the jerry wantrob doc so you're gonna like try to like negotiate against that guy you know what i mean yeah you're gonna get your three points you're getting your three points on wine drop dude on wine trob are you kidding i think the colonel pulled a gun on him at one point which i was probably like he's want to do yeah oh that was elvis's manager yeah yeah the guy who fucked it up yeah you kind of want to have the colonel pull a gun on you that's like the prototypical that's like yeah yeah you got slime he's a colonel yeah it's a colonel or something whenever he was was you guys see the elvus movie what you guys see the elvis movie i tried i shut it off uh yeah i did goof the accent was too goofy bos louerman's a lot remember in that uh adaptation yeah when he goes to

the brian cox seminar yeah and you're supposed to be watching a movie but if you do what we do you sort of start enjoying the seminar yeah and he goes uh he's like and whatever you do wow him in the end Yeah. The Elvis movie, the very end, you're like, I don't care about anything else I've seen. When it, can I say? Yeah, I don't care. When it switches from Austin Butler to actual Elvis and you can't tell. Yeah, that is amazing.

Oh, shit, I'll go watch the end. And you're like, maybe this is one of the best movies. In the end, I liked it. I didn't know. Because they get you. They get you. Hanks was tough for me in. Yes, I agree.

Hanks was tough for me. That's why he ain't in the final three minutes because they're like, this will send you home. Yeah. So does that scene warrant Austin Butler, like being Elvis for two years or whatever it was? Kind of. Wasn't he,

he like wouldn't break character forever? Yeah. There's worse guys to get stuck in. Yeah. Agreed. I'd just be fun. If you're like, I could try to shake me and Elvis.

Just like a guy from Memphis who can sing. That's not the worst guy to be being all the time. Like the Andy Coffin thing, that sucks. That's up. That's going to be that guy forever now? That sucks. That's your draft characters you don't want to be trapped in. It's a fucking smells like soup-ass, dude.

Yeah. Yeah, because if you get trapped in, you know, crocodile Dundee, you're fine. That's pretty cool. Oh, so I'm going to eat a bunch of peanut butter, jelly, bacon sandwiches. Yeah. That's awesome. Maybe he didn't want to shake the character. Maybe he was like, I could try.

I could try to shake Elvis, but why would? I feel like that would be hard. Yeah. You're like, especially if you're portraying like a great man. Yeah. And then you're like, but now I could just be able. Abraham Lincoln. Maybe I was just fucking carrying myself

like I'm gonna go back to me, Daniel Day. So maybe the most impressive thing about Daniel Day is that he gets out. That's the crazy thing is he goes back to him. Yeah. He ever gets out. Dog, if I could beat Daniel Plainfew for real, oh.

It's so it's just hard to turn up to function as David. Yeah. I can't imagine being a dick, though. When I tell you I'm a comedy, man, you'll believe me. You think he has that in him? Do you think every now and then? There'll be other men with bitch.

And if he's like, I will be getting on this flight. He has to. He has to gear. I would love that. Well, once you have the gear, it's in your box. It's in your box. Right?

I didn't order a triple dipper. Because he's in Chili's, too. I do your bits. I do them up. I hope he does. I hope he does every now and that. He doesn't seem like he's going to go away for so long. You probably got to just like.

really wash it all off. Yeah. You have to. Isaac, you're good friends with Daniel Day, Lewis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just call him Dan. It's Daniel Day. And it's Sean, right?

Yeah, his son's directing the... Brought him out of retirement. Yeah, brought him out of retirement. That's, we've talked about it, but like, yeah. Do you hope Max does that for you or Artie does that for you? Yeah, I would love that. Yeah. If Ardy brings back all fantasy, everything and it's a mother baby's version.

I hope... Matt has done it for his dad. Which is a... Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's right. Yeah, that'd be cool.

I don't want Max needing me for much. That's maybe a dangerous take to have right now. I hope she's doing better. I'd like to have my feet up by then. Isn't it funny that there's a Daniel Day Lewis and a Daniel Day Kim? Yes. Yeah. Well, it has to have been intentional.

Do you think so? From Kim's side. From Day Kim? Yeah, of course. I would hope. I wonder, because he's not, he's a pretty straight up actor, right? Stoutch. Yeah.

Yeah. Great guy, apparently. I just think it's funny. Korean. Just one of the kind of things I think is funny. Because you normally only see it in the adult industry. Yeah. Like they'll be like a Charlie X-O-X.

Right. Yes. Yeah. It's a parody. Is it a parody name? You know, it's been a long time since I've kept up with adult industry stars. I have no idea. I much prefer amateur work.

Yeah. Really? I catch myself watching clips that are like 20 years old that I downloaded on Kazah. Like, I'll find them. I've done it. Stalser porn. I've found plenty where I'm like, I used to beat off this all the time. Your crate don't feel the same.

You're crate-nicking on porn. It's so funny. Where are the classics at? Where the cuts? Oh, that's so funny. I don't need all this bodywork. I found some dusties today. Where's the morphia's shit? You have no idea where I had to go to get this Chi-R- Michaels. I want it to be encrypted. I want some weird sounds in there. Something like something that sounds like a computer's throwing up.

When I jacked a younger man's dick. It's a good cast evening. But I'm the younger man. I'm the younger man. I'm the younger man. Oh, Billy Joel. I love that. Joel. I check off to Bill and Joel, dude. That's it. Just the songs. Just the songs. Just the songs. Not Uptown girl. No. My name's Ian Carmel. You can find me on Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel on pretty much everything. By my book, come see us in New Orleans at the sports ring festival. That's it.

Come see me. I'm on Sean's show. Doing Hanukkah stuff. And then we're going to figure out some tour dates next year. Yeah, we're going to do some stuff. I know we say that. We're going to. We are actually. I feel like this will be the one where we really tie everything we've learned together. I think so, too. Touring-wise? We've learned a lot from every tour we've done. Everyone's gone a little easier than the last one. Yeah.

And I feel like this is going to be, this is going to be that one we remember. I don't know if we'll drive from New York to D.C. I don't think so. In one day. No, no need to rehash. Even routing, we know better now. Yeah, even routing, we understand better. That was some of the funniest shit.

That was rough. I was angry. You had that devil lock. I was angry that day. Remember that? Well, that was two tours ago. Well, when you had to crap. When we drove into New York.

The first tour, we were sharing hotel rooms. That was the nut. That was bad. That was the craziest. That was crazy. And I guarantee you, in 20 years, you're going to look back and love it. I look back now. No, I love it now.

It was amazing. Yeah. The fact that we had that moment, the fact that I can, for the rest of my life, be like, yeah, I've been on some real tours, like actual tours. It's fucking crazy, dude. I had the diarrhea. Yeah, and I also got a really bad cramp. And so we had to stop the car outside of a farmhouse in Delaware.

And there was a dog running around. But I couldn't do anything. What do you even stand by me? Oh, it's just happen. We killed the guy. But then you couldn't poop. And then it went away. And you're like, all right, I'm good, I think.

And then we went to a gas station. Yeah. Pretty wild. Well, I pooped. Next one will be good. We were joking. I was making fun of him. He's like, it's not funny right now.

Oh, because you were like, in it. Well, I was between, I was adversaries on both sides. Yeah. I was managing a battle with two armies coming at me. You guys do diarrhea and cramps. If you do more driving, you've got to run a Tesla. It changes it so much when you're driving long distance. I just like it when we have a van.

The van is where we got a van. For me, it's like you get there and you don't feel like you just drove for four hours. Because it kind of drives you a little bit. Yeah, yeah. It really changed it a lot for me. You know what's crazy next tour, I'll probably have my license. Whoa, you can drive. You'll get diarrhea.

We're drafting luxury home amenities. Yeah. Speaking of diarrhea. Dan had a good point. Every room in his house. This will shine a light on how we grew up, I think. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. A dad would that count? There goes my 1-1. That's just so funny, Sean. A dad in the house. A supportive father in the house. The way we determine the order of this draft, it's a rollicking game of rock paper says there's play between the three of you and we throw on shoot all right here we go rock paper says to shoot oh we got a roll again rock

paper says a shoot hey hey sean wins breaks a david streak four wins long Sean finally got one Sean as the winner doesn't come upon you to determine the order today's wrap up before you do that I will remind you serpentine draft and what is that great question it's like building a dam you start at the bottom you go back and forth you build a dam is that right that's right is that right that's right you know that I know that all right basically if you pick fourth in the first or you pick first and the second round. What if somebody builds a damn using that device? Will they be okay?

Yeah, that's how else would you build it? I don't know. You don't build it from the top down. Can't damn anything. I don't know, but you might go stack, stack, stack, stack, and then up next, tech, sex, six, stack. Doesn't make any sense.

You want to go layers. You don't want to build apart. You stop the, you staunch the flow of water. The only other way you could do it is if you went all the way across, and then all the way across, and then all the way across. That doesn't make sense because you're already over here. You know what?

Now I'm talking about it. damn's like I understand them I don't either why you say either I do neither one of us understand damn I'm a fucking damn guy you don't know a damn thing I'm a damn guy from way back where's the goddamn man to borrow from David so with that in mind what would the order be

Dan David me Ian hey hot corner Dan David Dan David Sean Ian Dan David Sean Ian Dan David Sean Ian Dan David Sean Ian couple movers and shaken Dan David Sean Ian Yeah Dan David Seanian Dan David Seanian Dan David

David Johnian. If you met a car salesman named Dan David, I'm listening. Hi, I'm Dan David. I know some great Danz. I know some great Davids. I'm at least listening. Yeah.

I could probably leave here sitting in a Corolla show. I'm sending me home with an alpha Romeo, you know? For Romeo. How's the best of us? Larry could have a cousin named Daniel. Yeah, absolutely. Larry David, Daniel David. Yeah.

Daniel David. Daniel David. That feels like a doctor. Dr. Daniel David? Triple D. Yeah. What is the dentist? Are you guys seen that sign on the highway?

Which one? When you're going by downtown, it's just as BBL master, and it's like a doctor and then a lady's butt. Oh, David, nobody else can see that. I fucking knew it. Fucking knew it. Things that you feel like you're in your own version of L.A. story. This is your L.A. story.

No, that makes sense. Great movie. Go back to that if you haven't. No wonder nobody's honking. That makes sense. You just point you. See that? David, where the Olympic mural is? That's my Olympics, the BBL Master.

Wait, you guys haven't seen it though? No. Uh-uh. Okay, shit. I think I have. That sounds familiar. Yeah, yeah. Do you know that HBO has a meme billboard on Sunset?

Yes. No. Or Netflix does. I know Netflix does. They just take shots from their current running shows for people who are stuck in traffic and have, like, joke, meme captions. Oh, I like that. So they'll have, like, Rufelow from Task, and he's like, this.

And then at the bottom, we'll say, don't worry, it's only two more hours. Okay, yeah. In traffic. I like that. I think that's smart. I know a little bit. That would fist me off a little more. Hey, fuck you.

It's like with those signs that are like, if you lived here, you'd be home now. Yeah, yeah, I'd also be next to this fucking train. Right, I'd live next to the freeway. I can look out at all the gridlock when I'm having my morning coffee. That sounds great. I live in a building that has that kind of billboard on it. You're never on a pontoon and look over and see if you lived here, you'd be home by now. I would like to see that.

Oh, me too. You have a lighthouse, right? We have a little cabin. Why don't you throw up if you live here, you'd be home right now on that thing. Because you can't see it from the lake. Do you have a pontoon? No, but I've, that is, that would be a goal. Party barge is something you would like.

I love a pontoon. Yeah. Has to be a portal called Pontoe Puntan, right? Has to be. Yeah. Own it. We own that. We own that.

We own that. We own it. We just mailed it to ourselves. Subscribe to our Patreon for Pantoon Puntun Tune. For Isaac Lee's Pondoon Puntang. You host them. Guys. I never used to have to have people

like host Girls Gone Wild I know I'm all over the place but do a draft at some point of things you learn when you move to LA because there's one of those is when people go so what you do when you write the script you mail it to yourself remember when you learn that one?

And now don't open it so it's posting. Actually people get roofied at the abbey a lot Yeah, yeah, there's one of them, yeah. What's the mail yourself a script? So when you make it you can look back and be like, you can open your script? No, it somehow dates it that you own it because it's gone through federal postage. Yeah, so it's post-dated.

It's post-dated by the government that at this date, you created that. And you can't open it when that's the dumbest person. If I had a dollar for all the screenwriting advice I've got from people who don't seem to have jobs. See? This is every rule when you learn here is by people who don't have jobs. Because you can also. It tells you to pretend to be your own manager. Yeah.

Yeah, call as, I represent David Boree. No, just call CAA and say you're your manager. One of the first nights I was in L.A., I went to the woods on La Brea, that little bar. And one of the best advice I ever got, the guy I was just chatting him up, as you know, I'm want to do. And I go, any advice for living? He goes, yeah, man, know what lane you're supposed to be in.

Yeah. And I go, that is. I learned over time, I go, that's really good L.A. That's actually pretty good. Yeah, that's actually pretty good one. And you can apply it to both the roads and your career. because also if you're getting on that 110 merging situation, know what lane you're supposed to be in.

And your social media posts. And your social media, but know what lane you're supposed to be in. The 101. 110 merging, that's actually great advice. That's advanced shit. I take the little side route,

the little special side route that goes in there. That's the lane you're supposed to be in. There was a viral post like six or seven, eight years ago on Twitter where they said, what is the most unhinged intersections in Los Angeles? Yeah. And it is one of the funniest things you'll ever read. Because that seven-way stop in Beverly Hills.

That was crazy. That is a Mad Max movie Because everyone is winging it People who have a rolled down their cars In 10 years have their hands up being like It's me Me And you just go

Yeah You just go and a G-wagon Clips you So there's a silent film era starlet waving her fucking like Be bracelet in hand Outside of her rolls Royce

My time! So for everyone who doesn't live in LA I don't know about this either But so there's an actual 7 I might be guessing for comedic value And I also might be exactly right I think it's seven.

It's crazy, though. More than four is crazy because that makes it so there's no... Because it's on like that angle. It's like catty-wamping. You're thinking, oh, we're all looking at each other. It is half a football field in the center. The radius. Am I wrong?

It's probably at least a 50-yard radius. It's a 50-yard radius from the center. It doesn't make any sense. It's six-way. It's like they let a dying kid design it. And they were like, well, we can't not build it. It's his wish. Yeah.

Should we put it? a light in there? No, no, he said, stop signs. Should you be able to see all of the other cars from where you're at? He said, no, no, no, definitely can't. It should be a roundabout. They had a proposal and they rejected it to make it a roundabout. We like it should be around about. Well, you like should be around the goal line and be hills, dude. Beverly Hills don't got time to go round about nothing. It's unbelievable. Oh, that's, I see. I'm, I want to go real at it. So many times. That's okay. Pondoon. Poon. Poon tank. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome back. On CNN. That's what you don't know.

That's where we get you. That was going to be my second channel with CNN. CNN was going to be your second channel? That was your second channel, Sean? MTV would have been first. And then you think the channel that you watch. We were going to draft TV channels realized that we already did it with Jamel Johnson

pert near two years ago. But if you ever re-rack it, can I come back? Because I was so passionate about my one-one that I was like, I will be devastated if I don't get this. It's funny because I think. Sean, you weren't going to get it. I think we can re-react some time, some no. Well, I've been trying to say we should, when, what episode are we on?

You said five years. I think it's, 460s, 480 or something. By now you're on like 460, you're on probably 475. 500, we shake the etches sketch. Yeah, I think that's true. And we just let it all. And we mean, guys, we've accidentally redone stories on dumb people town. And we always go, there's no way we made this same comedy the last time.

Exactly. Now, because of our brains, there might be one or two reference points that it made us think of. Yeah. But the dynamic is definitely. different. Even if it was just me and Randy and Jason, it would be different. It'll be 10 years for us in September. And at that point,

it's like, we're much different people, you know, than we were like... You're not going to talk about cocaine anymore. No. We do it quietly. We did draft drugs very recently. Okay, Isaac. Yeah, but what did we talk about mostly? It was like hydrocodone and joint medication and stuff. That's true.

This is true. So that's got to be your tour, by the way. What's that the RERAC? No, the Pearl Jam 10. You have to play off of that for your anniversary. Oh, we'll get some good words. Don't call me, daughter. Shit, Eddie, sorry. I thought it too.

I thought it too. That was crazy. That's really good, right? Edward better? His cousin, Jason's better? I'm going to cry. I can't. A lot to her away from me.

She's on to hear me so I got to be good. So I hurry my baby when I leave. Ready of the world My friend Ryan Reed in high school had a rule that yellow lead better could only be played at night Yeah, that's a good rule

And if it came on in the daytime in a car He would turn it off or make you turn it. I got weird songs like that That I can't. I can only listen to Juicy by the notorious B.I.G. If something good has happened. Sure.

Yeah. Tuesday's gone can only be at the end of the party. Yep. Because the day is confused. Exactly. Yellow Ledbetter. Is that about pee in the bed? with pencils

yes yes it is honestly like no one ball no one can tell you it's not yeah there's that I've tried to look I think I've tried to look at what it's about it's not about nothing Dan's got the first pick

and we're going to get to it right after the short break what's cracking y'all this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Chubbies now if you are going to any holiday events if you're going to any functions if you're going to dinner holiday parties. Chubbies has you covered. They are the go-to for really anything you need in your

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Do it. Get on it. Do it. Right now. Love you. Happy holidays. This episode of All Fantasy. Everything is brought to you by Babel. Now, most of us, I think I can say this with a bit of confidence that most of us don't want to learn a new language just to kind of get down the grammar or anything like that. We're not worried about conjugation. It's not fun for us. It's because you want to speak it in the world. You want to speak it out there with real people who also speak that language. You want to communicate. You want to travel and be able to use it. And Babel's going to get you there quickly. Learning with Babel, it's just about small steps. They don't want you to be overwhelmed, bite off more than you can chew, but they also want you to get those big Ws, baby.

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at babel.com forward slash all fantasy, spelled B-A-B-B-B-B-B-E-L-Raw-Fansy. Rules and restrictions may apply and we're back on all fantasy everything we looked into it that is what yellow lead bed is about what is a lead better

it's about that sounds like code for a bed wetter it's about wetting the bed with pencils he's a bit of a lead he's a yellow

I know he's 12 but we just went through a big move is Corey's still letting the bed that's our codes we don't know

to feel bad he's right there crying he's also figured it out he knows what we're talking about yeah I'm locked and loaded whenever you want me.

Does the internet not work for anyone else? It's working for me. John's going to be out of the lyrics, but it's not worth our time. Dan, talk of your first. Okay. There's so many things I would want in a great house. And to be honest, I go a little bit back and forth between like, oh, that's a nice touch. Or, wow, you people are loaded.

Yeah, yeah. One of the things I say, you become an adult when you start realizing innocuous things in homes have value. Like, you walk and be like, those are nice curtains. Oh, you're on floors? When I was broke, I didn't know some stuff could even be expensive. A door knobs. You didn't even know about molding or anything.

Don't you remember being a little kid in somebody going? You know how much that cost? And that has to be rhetorical because, no, I have no idea in a million years. I don't even know where, I never even think of where things come from. A chair price? $8. Everybody's got a chair in their house. What are you talking about?

Like, you think I've thought about the cost comparison of throw pillows? I'm nine. Built-ins? As opposed to like, yeah. I have a mix of that. But then I thought to myself, when I see like a TikTok house for, reveal sort of deal and I'm like wow that is a nice house the first thing that comes to my mind that lets you know you're in a nice house big amenity for a home would be read it I want to read it

just how I said it accordion window wall onto a huge deck oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's not sliding glass they literally like accordion both ways and now your living room is also essentially part of your huge patio deck oh he's so Sick. It is always gorgeous. The best house is you can't tell when you're inside or outside. Dude. You know what I'm saying?

Yes. Yeah. James Gordon had a house in Palm Springs. That like when he was like at the peak and he's like, even he was like, I can't believe I got this. Like when I'm in it, I can't believe I'm there. I went to visit him there. You could not tell. If you were inside, if you were outside.

That's like a drug dealer house. Between the two. And it was like, it felt awesome. It just felt awesome being. I mean, like, nice houses, like, flow is a thing you really think, they think about. Yeah. Where it's like, I feel like sometimes, like, a track home is just, like, big. Yeah.

Yeah. Just like, this shit's big. Yeah. But like a nice house is like, oh, I didn't even know I was in the kitchen. Yeah. Just to, and, yeah, I'm a big, huge window fan. Yeah. Just I love window.

I think a lot of times people build homes and then somebody tells them, hey, so this is how much your windows are going to cost. And you can tell when they sort of started like paring down their windows. Yeah. But when you see, like, a wall of windows, especially. Like I said, if it's like a 10, 12-foot accordion wall, just, man, I would be like, I'm good. I'll live here the rest of my life. Natural life is so, it's so important.

It's also worth, if you got it, or even if you think you can get there, it's worth spending that money at the time, I think. Yes. Yeah. And it beats the sound of a sliding glass door. Oh, dude, I know. That's so aggressive, the sliding glass door sound.

It always just feels like you're forcing it. We had some damage from a big storm up at the cabin. And thankfully now, because my, cousin as a contractor we're going to be able to like put in a sliding glass door where the back door was and even but even that to me I'm like this is going to be great so when I picture accordion wall door like accordion window wall I'm like chuk chuk chuk it's big yeah big wide opening yeah it's so much glass to get it to fold like that you can you picture yourself maybe it's because i lay you know you could picture a lake or you could picture like looking over

like the hills but you already know you've got a cocktail on one hand in your hand in your pocket on the other and you just kind of walk out towards your pool. Yeah. Straight from the... You're playing the music inside the house. Now it's outside the house, too. Yes. Yeah.

God. Why don't you get some fucking money and buy a house? Let's do a B&B. I mean, I think it'd be a blast just to get a B&B for five, six days. It was like this. Yeah. I'd love that. You know what?

I was thinking about that when we had... This is a callback to a whole other episode. Yeah. When Gabris was like, we just rent a house and we do like five, six. Yeah. I would love that. we should do that it'd be fun

you know my rule you'll never regret the money you spend on a great memory yeah that's right yeah never you'll never you think

you go to a concert and it's like 300 bucks for this or 600 bucks I can be here you're not gonna care about 300 bucks in 15 years

you remember the amazing concert yeah I saw Paul McCartney if you can do it obviously I saw his old hands you know I was that close I was here to this wall

for a desert trip old cella Yeah. First night was Dylan and then the Stones. Second night was Neil Young and Paul McCartney. Third night was The Who and Roger Waters. That's awesome. And I'm like, I don't remember this.

Yeah. I'm going to talk about this on a podcast with my friends in 10 years. Someone else actually just can't see. You can certainly the stones have lost a guy. They blew my mind. Yeah. But yeah. I saw the Stones in England.

That was fucking great. Oh, that would. At a rugby stadium on half a mall. That's like talking to the people who saw Oasis and. London. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw him in New York and it was pretty dope. That's what I hear too, but I'm saying over there, it just wasn't as good as London. Yeah, just wasn't as good. No, but somebody told me they went to both and they were like, both times were unreal. But in London, it was like men weeping. And I guess there's a tradition there where you, the first song, you throw your beer in the air. They did it at the metallands. They did. I was, I didn't know that. Yeah. I had a whalebone. Surprise, surprise. But I'm standing there like, somebody hit me with a beer. I was holding my arms up because you just see beers flying everywhere. Well, you're like, ah. I was looking around, like, making a target of myself.

And nobody, I wanted to get hit with a beer. Yeah. But it was awesome. That's a memory. I will never forget. That's awesome. It was red. David, time for your first pick.

Steam shower. Ooh. I had it on here. Oh, man. It's like when you see somebody's house, like, the first time I ever, you ever go and do a stand-up gig in the promoter, like, oh, yeah, my parents live here so you can say at their house or whatever, and then you realize that, oh, that's why this guy is in. comedy because he's loaded and he can't afford to hang out and

rich parents. Yeah. That was the first my first experience and I was like, this is I didn't know you could do. I thought it was only water. Yeah. I thought that was all you got. Steam showers are crazy. Steam showers. And they got the eucalyptus oil. I was about to say, the aromatheraping. And the fact that you could get that in your house. Yeah. It's in the crib. Yeah. Man. Yeah. Yeah. That's

change your life. It's, it would, it's another one of those things where you're like, I don't have to live another place. How big is a steam shower? What are we, what are we It's a shower. It's just, I mean, if you're saying it could be as big as this room or just like, yeah,

if you just cut this, like a little bench shower, you know, and people have like a nice little bench and a little tile. Do you wash yourself in a steam shower? It does regular shower stuff too. Yeah,

it's just like a setting. Gotcha. Yeah, it's like a setting. And they're just getting steamed. Like a, like a big house. It's crazy.

I'm 100% with you. Yeah. It's crazy. They're not crazy expensive. Yes, they are. Hit me. $20, 20,000. Huh?

$5,000. $5,000 is it? Yeah. Well, I mean, we're talking square footage. Yeah, what are we talking? So you go, it starts at five. You get a contractor in the crib, though, and then they're like, well, you can't some of that. To install it, you got to get it to, yeah, it'll take more than that.

They got to take out a certain wall. The steam setting and the shower itself is about, it says five grand here. I got to look this one. Maybe for the setting, like, $250 to, like, $250 to like. But you got a whole set. You got to have stonework the way I want it done. You got to have stonework in there. Oh, now you got a mason.

Yeah. Stonework's the name of your contractor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stonework. And you know, like, how much somebody would go. Is David there? Oh, he's, he's steaming right now. He's steaming.

He's steaming. And when you're not feeling well, you go steamy with some eucalyptus? I would love a steam shower right now. Are you kidding me? Really, I've been making my out. Huh? I do it here. Steem showers are you?

Mm-hmm. You steam a lot? Yeah. Steam and saw it. I saw on it today. Man, maybe couldn't be less surprised. That's what I miss about coming to, I miss Denver. I was steaming at the Y.

I was in the sauna three times a week. Yeah. And now none. I almost never steam anymore. There's a steam at the place I get massages and I'll steam in there. How long you go? Are you a 20 minute guy? If it's, if I've worked out, I don't want to do more than 10 or 15 minutes because I'm already.

But yeah, I'll do like 20. Sometimes I'll do 20, 5 minutes out, 10 minutes in, and then I'm done. Here's the other thing about L.A. That you learn when you come here. And this is the manatee adjacent. Is that like golfing, steaming, all that stuff that. like in other cities is a little bit more accessible. Here, it's all

a lot. It's like harder to get. Everything's harder to do. Harder to park. A little bit harder to get there. A little more expensive. Like it's a little harder to steam. You can't put like golf is like insane. It's just real estate wise. Yeah. But a lot of that stuff. A lot of that like older businessmen. I'm just going to a 24 hour. But I go to the one on

Lancashim and I primarily only go on Sunday mornings because that's the easiest time you're ever going to drive there. They have free parking at that gym. They have a sauna and a steam room and a lap pool and so I'm like go do the executive once a week I get in like a steam and a sauna yeah that's it yeah booby great pick dude oh boy Sean time for your first book heated floors okay yeah yeah is that real where yeah is that real just on like the cold like bathroom would be bathroom be a big one in europe it's like really big like in scandinavia and stuff

in Korea it's it's everywhere yeah yeah I wouldn't have all the floors heated I don't think I wouldn't No, you don't need that. Yeah, I don't need my living room floor mad. You know what I mean? You should rotate where you don't know which one's going to be hot. The floor is lava. There we go. I just got a little, hey, let's play the game.

That's how you keep people out of certain rooms. Yeah. Let's go find the hot floor. I can turn one up to way too hot. You're on the hot floor. You're talking to me like that on the hot floor? We used to, I'm pretty sure we're making this up, but like we thought kids in Sioux Falls had heated driveways and stuff because they wouldn't

have snow. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a real thing, too. Somebody probably troubled it. That's a real thing. Is it really? Yeah. Yeah, you'll just run like copper and then water comes through it.

Under the cement or like in the cement, like when they're pouring it? They'll pour and then pour around those and then top it off and then that. Wild. Yeah. Oh, maybe we weren't making up. No, you probably want. Yeah. He did floor, it's just a comfy level, you know?

Yeah. I don't always mind the feel of a cold floor. Sometimes it's good. It's never, I've never lived anywhere where, but I've never lived anywhere truly cold. Yeah, man. Yeah. In Colorado, it's like that sometimes in the wintertime where you're like, ooh.

Like you wake when you wake up and you're like, fuck. Just snug as a bug and a rug and then you got it. It's just looks cold. It's dark. You know it's freezing on the floor. And I've never had slippers by the bed like I thought, you know, I never want to do all that. I'm a little surprised. I could see you being a slippers guy.

I could see you being a slippers and robe guy. Maybe not now, but eventually. I could see it. I never have time for a row. Bad shit to me. But I could see you because you took baths from something early. I'm going to take a bath later today. Amy's got one.

That's great. Now you're coming to meet. Now I'm weird for thinking you might be a robe guy. I'm going to take a bath there in the day. Does she have a mirror? Yeah. Let's fucking take a look at it. Second time I did that joke to that.

I will. Look at my naked body dripping. Because when I bath at a hotel, then I am a robe guy for a while. Because then I'm like, what am I doing until the show starts in? Yeah, I'll do that. I've done it at a hotel a couple times. Of course. It's the best for rope.

Why not? Yeah. My wife is a big robe person. She loves a robe. Over towel. Robe over towel. So a robe, you just put it on when you're soaked. You don't dry off it.

You just put the robe and let the robe do the work, right? This is like milk and cereal, how much milk in the cereal bowl sort of question. I fill the whole cereal up with cereal, and I fill it milk until the cereal is just about to fall out. So I would say for you, probably you don't dry off at all getting. Probably not. But if you're comfy? Yeah. All matters.

Yeah. I don't think I would be. Do you, have you ever gotten one? You never had one? What? I got a rope now that I use from time. I've never owned one, huh? Oh, you should get one.

I think if you slept naked. He does. Oh, then you should be... I love sleeping naked. You get up really quick. Just have a robe by the bed. You never know. Yeah.

I have dirty little mesh shorts by the bed. That's what I throw on in the night if I have to, like, run around. Okay. I need to go running. If I wake up and I just need to run a half marathon. The hood ornament thief's robe. I've stole...

You ever try to rip a hood ornament off? Oh, yeah. It is harder than you think, my friend. Twist. You want to talk about standing on the toilet and shit, and you've got to stand on top of a car and yank that thing out. Under the table and dreaming. Standing on the toilet and shit.

That's the name of your sophomore album. Standing on the table and toilet and shit. For my first pick, I'm going to go deep bathtub. Oh, like a clothlet? With the jets? Deep, with the jets, deep bathtub. So you're like a jicking tub or a bath tub? Like a jacuz.

It's a bathtub. It's in the bathroom. It's for bathing in. But it's like deep. And it's like... I know. Because have you been to the Cosmopolitan. They have those...

In Vegas. Yes. They have those tubs there. That kind of tub. That's a great... Like a deep bath that you're like really in. I'm a big guy. I've never really been much of a bath guy.

Because any house I've been in with a bath has been like sort of like... I'm kind of jammed in here. There's more you than tub. There's more me than tub. Also, every time I see like a cloth tub, I'm like, oh, you just want to fall someday? Yeah. For sure. Yeah.

Like, I don't, how much of a claw foot tub is flat surface? The whole thing feels it's concave. It's all, yeah, right. You're like you can skateboard in it. Yes. It's set up for an accident. And you pull the curtain as you fall and everything's wet. I don't know.

We had a claw foot tub in my old crib and it was, it was heaven. You felt safe and getting up in and out of that? You know what I didn't like was this old crib and filling a clawfoot tub with water. I'm like, we're going to fall through. You felt like it would fall through the floor. Well, that'd be funny. That would be funny. If you're, you land on the floor.

there you're wearing a shower cap. If any hill music plays. But no, I was, because I got a, I know what I'm playing in. So I got out as such. I didn't, I know there's no flat surface. So I didn't, careful. But one day, literally get caught slipping. But if you did a full, because this is sort of what the cosmos is, it's all one space.

Yes. The shower and the tub. Shit. So you could steam. You could steam and bath. Yeah. And that would be beautiful. That's a new world

Oh, dude, Cosmo's my favorite That's a whole new world Don't you close your eyes Yeah, there's a little extra cheddar it costs It is Didn't we just run into you in Vegas one time Maybe Didn't we just see you at a bar at whatever

We were there for Las Jagas or something This does sound We've been there with you When you didn't go together But we ended up but I think we just ran into I can see that being the case Is that Las Jaggers? It was Kanyeas or Las Jagas

It was one of them But you were just there with some people It was awesome How much is the Cosmo usually? five it depends four to five a night yeah

three you can sometimes get it around you don't want to do just one night because you don't want check in and check out you want to have a whole day in between the woman who does the room assignments at Cosmo

yeah comedy fan oh no way and she was like I'm a huge fluffy fan and we had just had fluffy on dumb people's town so I got to be like oh yeah we just had him on

so then I got upgraded to the corner suite which if you ever go it is the type of hotel room where you'll say we need to go make friends down to the casino to bring up here because this is not I can't be in this room by myself Yeah what am I doing And so

Almost every time I've gone there I don't know if she made a note Yeah But I get upgraded to the corner That's awesome And it's like the one of the biggest balconies Period I've ever like How many go to Vegas?

I try to go I bet it's more than I think it is four times a year no i'm saying really three to four i really sometimes i'll go to right oh really just like a couple days like like i'll get comp like four nights at mjim and i do not gamble yeah yeah um gabers and i did a podcast we did his podcast about Vegas right right right and we talked all about like how to get comps and everything and

without gambling very much and uh how yeah really those cards if you yeah you need a player's card if you go into any casino i don't If you go into any casino slot machine and you put a $100 bill in, especially because you're living in California, you will then be signified as a $100 player. It doesn't matter if you win or lose. They know when that person comes in here, once or twice a day, they're putting $100 in a machine. And so when they get to like what for people who don't want to fly far is like slow season for them, For us, they're like, you want three nights?

Because everything in Vegas is free. Everything's free. They just decide who they're going to charge for it. Damn. All right. I would do that. I spent $800 on roulette. I bet I could look right now.

I bet you I have four comp nights. I know I have one at Cosmo. I have four at MGM. I think I have three at Park. And so what I'll do sometimes is I'll be like, I'm just going to go write. Because it's one of the only places you can write till two or three in the morning and then go get dinner.

Yeah. I mean, we can get the Like I don't go and go nuts Like I go and write Something creatively and then not being able to go out Afterwards Yeah, I know what you mean You got six pages of pep in your stuff

Yeah Yeah, that's so true I don't go nuts Like I'll do my 100 thing Just so like I was here Yeah And uh But but I really do go there to write

So there's that And then my buddy was in lived in Vegas for eight years So yeah I'd probably say like At least twice But usually around four times a year We could be at the Cosbo

By 5 o'clock I would I love it But anyway That tub's great Sorry Laura I've been In Vegas

For the night For work For writing Dan Dan likes to come here And write Yeah I've written pilots

There I'm gonna go with Big walk in closet Shit Yeah Yeah Do you know my twist on that Was

Closet with an island Oh yes Oh that's like the crib So didn't I don't think I could draft it Coming off of that No that's in there Let's say that's in there

Yeah I mean like that big it's another room yeah that's another room yeah yeah like yeah i've been in closets that are like easily as big as my bedroom and it's so wild they have a dress like a where you get dressed in the closet yeah a bench and everything a lot of people in other cities who just don't make that much money just have this because like houses are so much bigger this is all this some of the stuff i'm going to pick i got buds back home yeah they just got a crib and a job and they can do it people in oregon have it people in chicago my wife is always sending me chicago real estate

like the northern suburbs and I'm like this house is how much she's really making a play huh she's really making it where it's like this is wait she is well yeah

all the time I mean not really she likes what loves living in L.A but she's like look what you could we could live in Highland Park

I think about it too me for one million dollars this house and it's like fucking it's palatial it's a palatial estate

you ever seen a watch drawer in one of them walking closets I've always wanted to see one of those drawers for everything like a cuffling drawer Like a drawer where your socks aren't rolled into a ball.

Like they're laid. Oh my God. Is that a possibility? Shoot. I didn't even know. I didn't even know that was a way people get down. My closets here are jam-packed like steerage on the Titanic. It's like, I know.

Everything is just like hurt. It's just like you can't move? Yeah, we all live where we, if I need to move this to get that. Yeah. That's why we live. It's Leonardo Caprio is having a, a, a, a, a, Michael Flatley dance session next to my shirts. Just a couple drunk dudes arm wrestling.

You just stand in your big closet with your hand on your hips. What do I want to wear? To just be like sweatshirts, sweaters, booties, pants, just to have it all. I don't have to Sophie's choice every time I get a new jacket where I'm like, which one of you is coming with? What did I wear the last time we recorded? Yeah. Oh, man. So much in there.

That comes up. And just being able to go in and take it off and not be. in my room. I'm in the closet. I take it off like, no, I'm not feeling that. Honey, where are you? Yeah. I'm in the closet. I always know where my wife is. You said that's so sad.

I just always do. That's your album. That's not about my wife. That's about my house. It gets very bad. I always know where my wife. That gets so true, so quick. Especially when I know you're working all day, but you're in the house. Yeah. You know, so when you're in the house, I know who's in the house with me. That's why I was talking about our crib the other day, too.

I'm like, you don't see houses like this getting haunted ever, you know? Because there's nothing to, you know, you'd be like, well, I'm not in the living room. Yeah. I don't know. There's no catacombs for me to go in to. I hope there's listeners with just good, decent paying jobs and job security that are listening to some of the things we list and go, well, I do have that. Yeah. There's probably homeowners who listen to.

Of course what I'm saying. And they're like, oh, I got that. We got a steam. It came with the house. These TV guys don't even sure we'd like it. Yeah. I don't have a back porch I miss my yard

I love living back in Los Angeles I miss my yard I miss my yard porch man next place I'll have the yard Sean time you're a second pay Screening room I would say it Oh yeah you have said that a lot

Always always always always that's my In my life I would like to have a screening room And a decent brand new car Not even just decent One time to have a brand new car. That car thing is within range. It is, but it's not. Or you're talking about like

an Audi. I'm talking about a BMW like Kane has in Menace. I've talked, or that Kane's cousin has in Menace. I've talked about this bunch. It's like a whatever one that is. But that, like 50 grand. Nothing, nothing insane. But I want to own. I want to, I want to have it.

I just say, you can probably lease a nice car. Beaver's going to run you more than 50. A brand new Bemer is going to run you more than 50 grand now. Well, that's whatever it is. But the point is that's why you lease, man. It's got a Max has to be like in, like through college almost. Like, I'll get this one. On the LPGA tour.

What'd you say? On the LPGA tour. I mean, imagine the parents. Yeah. To save for college and then their kid gifts them with a full ride. I can't. And then they get to go, oh, I guess I can buy this car. We got a college fun kicking already.

It's got, it's up to five digits, I think. So we're doing our, we're doing our work. Yeah. I did this. Okay. Both my brother and I had full rides to college. and my parents had that college fund they didn't spend it

they just like invested it more yeah they're smart we're not once you realize you don't be bummed about that we're talking about us and even more specifically the likes of us we're not talking about your great parents

we're talking about me being like I want a fucking beamer did you forget Sean didn't believe in heated driveways till 10 minutes of you you know what you're right I thought we were so creative we made what if these leopardons had heated

Driveways. You got a full right for hitting it and quitting it. What did you get it for? Oh, poetry, dude. I actually got it to school from music and then I majored in poetry. Because I'm like, I'm not paying for this. No one's paying for this. So I might as well study when I want to study.

Beautiful. That's how I knew about college too. Yeah, I was like no one's paying for this. No one's paying for this. No one's paying for this. Somebody named Sally May. I mean, I may have some loans. No one's paying for this.

My great aunt Sally. Yeah, you can get a couple of Pell Grants. David, time for your second pick. Woodfire pizza oven. Oh. Like in the, I've seen that in one house one time in Washington State, and they had like the pizza oven and then they had like, I don't know why, but like an array of paddles next to it. Big paddles, right? The two-hander-landers?

Man, I'm trying to get highest shit in the crib and make crazy pizzas alone. Yeah. Dessert pizzas. Yeah, whatever, man. Me and my lady are in here. We got some artichokes from the garden or some weird shit. Let me just see what happens when you put a jelly bean in a pizza. Who knows, man?

I'm doing it. I myself. You naked? That's cool. Cronuts were invented like 10 years ago. Yeah. You didn't have that. Now we do.

That's what I'm saying. So you can't like come up with some new shit in a pizza oven? And like the actual pizza oven. Yeah. Like not like the little wood one you can buy home goods or whatever. Like the full on. Like when you park your car and there's a restaurant within a block that has one of those and you can smell it. Yes.

Yeah. Yes. But I want to do that. Come over guys. We're having pizza night. Oh yeah. Oh my God. We're all making our own shit.

On the big green egg. I got colomata olives in here. Yeah. Or whatever. It's fun because you just pull and you make, you can make the dough yourself too. Well, that's part of the fun too is you tell people, you bring your toppings, I got the dough, I got, and we'll just, we'll see what we create. You bring the meat, I got the heat.

Yeah. Yeah. And we're cushed out in here. Yeah. Everybody's high. Yeah, of course. You have to get high to come over. Yes.

Take your shoes off, hit it, yeah. But yeah, it's just like, I love the idea of walking into a kitchen that is well stocked with ingredients and you're like, I could make anything. That's the thing way, like, I got it all. I have, yeah, I have the, I could just make a pizza. And you don't even know how often you'll do it. Maybe not that often, but the fact that the feeling that you could just, it's there.

Fire up a pizza right now. It can become a Friday night thing. Yeah, any kind of thing. Are you guys shoes on or like shoes off houses? Have you guys ever been shoes off houses? Every single time off. You know, I guess too? I push for it.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I bring it up. If, as people ask, Laura shy's away from it, but if people come in, If they're in my camp, then I tell them. If they're in her camp, I'll suggest it or I'll kind of... It's also like, and I think my house is like this too, it's like when you come in, you see all the shoes are all. Yeah, right.

You know what I mean? When they're all off and you, like, yours is the same way. When you're in the entryway, you see all the shoes are off here. It's so formal to keep your shoes on to me. It's like, I want you to feel chilling. I want you to come in and sit down with your shoes up. But if somebody ever pushes back, I let it go. Like, if they're like, oh, for real?

I'm like, no, it's fine. Because I'm like, you might be having a bad sock day. And I, the way I grew up, we didn't always have good socks. And sometimes they'd be like, man, that's a dirt. You need to get rid of those white socks. It would be a hole. And so I was like, I don't want someone to have that anxiety. Or I've even done it where you go to somebody's house.

You don't realize you're wearing two different socks. Yeah. Like, fuck now I'm an asshole in here. That's true. I've never got pushback, actually. Yeah. It's sometimes people got to, I feel bad because they've got to sit and untie. They're like, I can just slip mine off and on.

Yeah. I think a lot of people also leave the house not expecting to take their shoes off. Yeah, almost ever. That's pretty common. Flip-lops? You know people take flip-flops off? I don't make anyone. But do you remember that, was it Jamie Fox's house?

That viral video where you... Don't bring it up. I've been to Jeremy Fox's house. You walked in and he had those things where you stepped your shoe into it and then a thing goes over your shoe. Yeah. Oh, like Marky Mark and the Departed? That is an amenity.

Like Marky Mark at the end of the departed? Just do it. But literally you put your foot and it goes... That is crazy. Like Back to the Future 2's over your shoe. And that's just care for your home. He just doesn't want outside on the inside. He doesn't want outside of the inside.

Once I found out how much our big living room rug cost, I'm like, what the fuck are we wearing shoes on this for? Hiss me all. I didn't know how much it was. Once you realize why they wanted that rug back so bad in the big labos? Yeah, yeah. No, in the time it was like, it's two in a bus. These things are big four digits.

And I'm like, well, not, they're not nine grand or anything, but like. Rugs, rugs go five digits. The one that we have, I'm talking about in our living room. You can also get them four. You can get a good rug four digits. You go to rugable. No free plugs or anything. I went to a rug store thinking I was making moves.

No. And I remember because I went in the rug store and they were like, what's your budget? And I was like, it's a rug store. I'm like, whatever. There's no budget. They take you outside. They show you the door mat. And then they showed me one.

It was like $25,000. And I was like, okay, where's the value section? Do you have a bin? Let me reexamine. Do you have some stuff in a bin I could maybe get? That's their shed. It sucked. That's something that's embarrassing for no reason to harken back to maybe last week's episode,

what is asking, like going to the discount rack anywhere. I always get embarrassed, but it just makes sense. It was embarrassing because I went in thinking, I'm better than this store. Yeah, you found out. Yeah. I'm doing them a favor. They're probably struggling with all these online rug sales. They never seen somebody like me and do.

And then, oh, they see better guys. Every time I buy a rug, I think will, how noticeable is salsa on this rug? Yeah. Yeah. Dog. Because you're, oh, at some point, you will drop salsa on that rug. Yeah. It has its own physics.

Yeah. And rugs piss me off because, like, we have one nice one and then the rest are kind of man. But now in the crib, I just, all I see is money. I just look down and I see the money that the rug cost. And then I see the dog. And I'm like, bitch get a job. Yeah.

Because this sucks. You're just on here? You peed outside. Yeah. You're just laying here? You're laying on this. four-digit rug? Yeah,

oh, man. My wife bought too expensive of a kitchen runner and I think about it. I haven't brought it up and I hope she doesn't hear it. With a kid too, can't get mad at the,

I can't get mad at the, I can't get mad at max for spilling. I scream at Arthur. I'm screaming him at the top of my lungs. Arthur! No, no words. You just primal yell.

You short circuit. He just spelled milk and her. He gets it. It's a language deeper than the English, dude. Yeah, like we got a, fairly expensive couch in my eyes.

And it's getting dirty. Oh, man. The couch is another one where I just see that money. It's, we paid extra. All I see is that motherfucking money. All I remember, no, the cat does not. Thank God. But I just remember, we got one of those ones where you buy it and then they build it. Yes.

So they're like, and I just like, now I'm like, I just, that's all I see on there. Yeah. Do you do a bit about this? No. You have to. I'm too angry. You have to. That's what.

Yeah, it just happened. Give me a year. You have to. You have to where you talk about how, like, the price tag never really comes off. It never comes off. You can cut it off, but it's always going to live in your mind. It's like furniture, all that shit. That would crush, dude.

My mom told me we were a plastic on the couch family when I was a kid. I didn't, I forgot. But she had, she's like, I've had two brand new things in my life, a car and this one love seat that she bought when I was like in elementary school, plastic on it the whole time. You know, it's crazy. I don't even, I haven't even been to a house where I saw that. I remember seeing it so much as a kid, but now I don't even. see it. Do people still do that? I don't think so. I don't even think they come.

Our shit didn't, it wasn't an option. Did they come in plastic anymore? It would be on. It would be on if I could. I just tell. Man, I love our couch. You wouldn't do that. But I just, it's just makes you angry. Dan, time for your second. It looks like I got a corolla in there. I got a, I got like a 98 corolla just in the living room. You spent a lot of time on them. You think about it. Yeah. No, ours is staying to shit just because a cat pukes hairballs and the baby spells and you just have to like. Yeah. And that's that. Cats make me so mad.

They just don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. You don't care about what I got going on in here. Not one bit. But they do pee in the litter box. Shut up and let Dan. Go ahead, Dan. No, they do.

They do. Oh, yeah, they pee and shit in the litter box. They do. They really cool about it. They part of everywhere. They must look at the dog like, you fucking. You lunatic. All right.

This is something, it is a little richy-richy, but I think if you had enough money, you'd be like, man, if you can do it, do it. It's not insane. It's not like, There's no purpose. A walk-in refrigerator. What?

A walk-in. You mean like at Costco? Are you making up stuff for this? No. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. People have this? Oh, like a walk-in refrigerator.

You could say it five more times. I'm going to need to... Think about when you worked at a bar or restaurant. Yeah. The walk-in. Yes, the walk-in. And you have that in your house. Whoa.

You just have, no, you're good. You just have giant doors that you open. Yeah. And you just, let me go get it out of the first. fridge. These start at 15. What do you even keep in there? Because our fridge is just about big enough.

So many more meats. I know. I think that too. I think it really opens up the possibility for what you want to have in your home. Yeah. And obviously, if you don't cook, I mean, I guess you'd really love ice cream. Yeah. But like, that's more of a freezer.

But I just think that, that luxury of just water. walking into the fridge room and be like, what am I going to? It's almost the same as the closet. Yeah. Like put on your robe. Yeah. Would you have a jacket outside of your walk-in fridge? That would be.

Like one for guests? Like when you go to one of those like ice bars. Yeah. And they, they clothe you up. I love having a fridge jacket. Yeah. Oh, that's my fridge jacket. Oh, we only wear Heli Hansen's in the fridge.

There were times though working at the bar. I was a bartender for such long. There were times where like you'd get hit so hard with customers. Oh, yeah. And you'd go, I'm going to go step into the walk-in. Oh, yeah. I'd go cool off in there for a long time Yes, so you have this, so you almost have a

cold room. Oh yeah. Steam room. Come on. Now I'm naked in the fridge. That's crazy. What she's worried about happened. Oh no. That's so great. I just think, man,

to me also, it's not really, I don't want to say it's a cheat pick but it tells you something about the rest of my house yeah when you look at this on a draft board oh yeah that's a statement I mean I've got accordion window wall and a walk-in fridge I just I just think it's crazy a man of temperatures tell me that you have a big tumor in your brain well I'm gonna ride it out in style I was thinking about it's pressing on the creative what's going on I'm just playing with your hair

dude thanks buddy you could do anything you literally do anything yeah so I don't know I You know, you think about produce. Just to be able to be like, yeah, we'll get some of that and keep it in the fridge. I don't know. Yeah. Nothing keeps in my fridge as long as I wanted to. No, that's the problem. Not a problem with the walking fridge.

You got to eat steak or dinner tonight. If it had a big freezer section. Like, I almost think, well, I'm not going to say it. But, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I need more space. I forget about the frit. Like, so much stuff, I don't like to, like, I like to eat the leftovers, you know?

And they get moved back and they're behind some hummus or whatever. Right. Two weeks go by. That's what I'm saying, it's the same thing. I really enjoyed the closet where you're like, oh, this is so accessible. I am going to wear this shirt. It is funny, the amount I'll dig and I'll go to the back of the shirts. Oh, I love this shirt.

Yes. And it fits. Yes. I will chug this gogurt. Yes. Yeah. Shugging gog. I just want to have it.

I don't know if it'll make it back to me. It's a sauna. Yeah. I really want a sauna. It's to. Outdoor? I was looking at apartments in Denver one time. Oh, you can have a sauna inside.

I suppose all these buildings, do What am I talking about? I was looking at apartments in Denver one time And I found one that had one in it Whoa I didn't get it But I was like the fact that this is even a possibility Yeah

I didn't even know apartments in Denver Had son it Yeah And it's in your It's you would happen upon it Yeah It was a tough in your search Oh man

And I was in it was like no parking And I was like I don't give a shit I'll park I'll park In the fucking sauna I'm pouring water on stones Yeah Fuck So but regular sauna

Not infrared right No regular song Now, steamroom sauna, what's the difference? Are you talking about like a dry sauna? Yeah, dry sauna. Yeah, but they'll still have like, uh, they'll still have rocks. Water on rocks. Okay, yeah, so you're steaming up a little bit.

And sometimes, uh, one, like recently, one of the times I went to the 24 hour, a guy took some eucalyptus oil and just put it on the cedar, put it on the wall. And then the heat like was bringing that out. Yeah, we would have that at the center in the sauna too. Yeah, I just, I think, I think it's so good for your health. I feel so good in there You know like we were saying earlier You do not want to overdo it

No it's easy to over When you go too long you feel like nuts But yeah I know what you mean Yeah I just to have a sauna I would minimum three times a week I would be in there I'd have meetings in there

Yeah dude It's really changed my everything Like I was I had about six months Where I was three times a week in the sauna Getting hot Not having it since we've been here Has sucked

You got to find a sauna I know I know, I guess they do have gyms with them, right? Yeah, that's where I was doing it was at the Y, but the Y was great too because there's nobody ever there. Right. But like when you get a yard, I've seen on Facebook marketplace some good deals on like even a two or

Oh, yeah, you can buy a sauna at Costco. Yeah, yeah, that's true too. Yeah, I get, if I was saying, I'd buy all that crazy shit at Costco. Every time I'm there, I see something, I'm like, man, if I wasn't married, I didn't. Is Lauren and I, would she not use a sauna? It's a frivolous expenditure, I think, that we would have, there's a lot of a lot more things we need to get. Frivolous expenditure.

I like that. That's great. Thank you. It's also true. Being a real son of a bit. David, time for your pick. Oh,

a high quality outside, like backyard sound system. Oh, that's great. Like, both speakers built in outside. Because I got, I'll take a beats pill to the park or whatever.

I'm trying to have it like solid, good sound out back. I got a sonos back there. Yeah, pretty good. Yeah, exactly that. Are you saying just outside? I'm talking about for the backyard specific. You got speakers and shit.

But you see sometimes they'll build it into like the rocks. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. I love that. Yeah. That's huge. Full surround set, like, beautiful. And then you can have movies out or whatever you want out there.

But like, yeah, full. Because like I'm going to be out. If I have enough money, I'll be in the backyard forever. It's my own part. Once I get, exactly. You know how much I love the part. stay in the park. Once I get my ADU finished, we're going to have someone coming and do the backyard, so it's like nice, and then that's just most of the meals in the summer.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you can live out around. It's going to be great. I can't wait. Yeah, you can live back there. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love it. I love it whenever I go to a house. Because it's like, I like, I like just bringing a beats pill or whatever. So it's like, full on speaker system, you can really hear the music. Oh, man. Or like, and I guess maybe this is more indoor, but I'm thinking of it being outdoor. When you're at a bar with really good. sound system like an NBA game or something like that and you kind of hear it all around you? If you're outside at the

pool and you're like hearing the game yeah yeah because it's like because I think a lot of times outdoors I think a lot of times outdoor speakers you're just happy that there's music there at all. So when it actually kicks up a notch and you can hear it and there's the bass and everything going that's the best shit. Wait a minute I can hear Jack D.

Jeanette's drumming perfectly. Yeah that's what I John was thinking of. Yeah. There goes my next pick. Wait a minute. I I can't stop just a live musician at the house all the time. That's good. Yeah, and I like that one. Can you hear Ron Carter's bass

popping on this thing? You know I played the string bass. Did you really? Oh, yeah. I've totally so many times. I don't think you have. Isaac, have you heard that? No.

Yeah. I feel like we... Really? There is so much about you. Just period. That's what I've been saying. He's nuts. The whole thing's crazy.

So much about you. I got like 10 things. I'm pretty easy to figure out. Same. String bass for a year has not come up. No. I mean, I was six great.

All the fucking time. We've talked to each other a lot. A lot. More than most people have talked to each other. String base for one year, trumpet for two years. I didn't know the trumpet thing either. I didn't know you knew what a trumpet was.

Yeah, you think even at high planes, all the jazz talk you could have been like, oh, you mean like what I used to do? Yeah. At any point, I don't know if I was playing jazz. Two years. You know what I'm just saying.

Yeah. Yeah. They're sexy little instrument. Wait, so like, you guys have probably done an instrument draft and you didn't bring it up then? I had to. We did with Kyle. Maybe you did, but we were drunk. I don't know if we were drunk.

That was the crocodile night when they tried to say we choke the door guy or something. Oh, yeah. In Seattle? I know that guy. He deserved it. I don't know. I don't know idea. I'm sure you're nice.

No, the guy. Well, whatever, whatever. Anyway. Yeah. I don't think that's story. I don't think that word. Okay. So you might have brought it up then.

May have. It does feel very appropriate. I didn't know you could read music. I don't think I never did. I was very bad. He was on field. I was very bad at it. That was the only string bass player

the school had at the time too. I've told you because this is the concert, the orchestra concert where I had to wear the purple turtleneck and Zubas. I don't think I've never told us what instrument you were doing. What the string bass instrument? I remember the purple in the, but you never said where you were playing. You always talked about the Zubas.

Right. Well, that shines bright in the story to me. You buried the rhythm. that's great buried the rhyme this fucking guy anyways outdoor surrounds that's great yeah

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One per new customer. bonus awarded is non-withdrawable pick six bonus picks that expire in 14 days limited time offer see terms at pick six dot draftkings.com slash promos and we're back welcome back to all fans and say everything already in progress Sean Jordan's about to make his third pick I think we're all pretty excited for it a panic room what I like a panic room I've always wanted a panic room I'm freaked out to stay in houses by myself especially the bigger the house whatever so like if I had a panic room in my bedroom I would feel great would you guys would go in there?

Yes, I'd go in there. Would you, well... Yeah, well... What's in there? Is there just like a romper room? Is it like a little den for you? Yeah, I mean, well, a panic room, it locks. Like, nobody can get in their locks.

And then cameras to the outside. You can see every camera in every room of the house. There's its own ventilation system. It's like a command center for your house. Okay. An impenetrable command center. So what are you doing when you're in there? Just observing?

Well, someone's break it. Someone's in the crib. Like, in this situation. Oh, okay. So it's warranted. Yes. Okay, okay. I wouldn't just be in there.

I don't know. No. Sometimes? This is where it gets tricky because if I had a panic room, I might just, that might be my bedroom. And that's weird. Like the whole bedroom because it's cozy? Because you're just going to a cozier spot. I do like tiny, like tiny spots.

Do you lock your bedroom door? No, you can't do that with the kid. Right. Yeah. We, and you know what's crazy as you can see. No, because that wouldn't keep me, in my mind, it wouldn't keep me safe from somebody who already broke into the house. So how much of this is related to, like, Isaac, your mom's boyfriend breaking into your house.

All of it. Come on, of course. All of it. Yeah, all of it. 100%. He wrecked me. Bob, fuck you, dude. Yeah, trauma. Yeah, my mom's boyfriend broke in when I was five, I think, five or six. But a panic room would just make me feel better. Yeah. It's like I tell myself, if everybody on a plane had a parachute, I would feel better. You can't just jump off a commercial airliner. You know what I mean it wouldn't work but it would make me feel better anyway you never know you might be able to you might be able to i mean i i sometimes get claustrophic sometimes and i tend to always sit in the exit road not only for the leg room but because in my mind i think to myself if i really had to

i could open this fucking door right like if i really had to because here's what i think about i'm freaking out i'm going to open the door if we crash land okay and i somehow survive but as we're in the water or whatever, I can't get to the fucking door. What a bummer. You survive a crash and it's like afterwards. I think about the movie The Grey way too much. Now, this is a road I'd like to turn off of right now.

But yes, panic group is what I would like to have. You just started flying sober. No, no, no, no, no. Yes, you have. Is that not right? No, I do. I fly sober most of the time. If I have a show.

I love to fly. But I will go into gigs early. The word most. Okay. What's the word? most what I did stop doing is going in a day early to go to the gig so I could drink on the plane because if I have a show that night I won't I can't

because then I can't do the show so I started flying in the day or the day of and then the flight home has been tricky because that's when I don't really have any like when I could have a couple right right and I've just started nothing like no you know I'll get to the airport and just be like all right just sit here and just I'm so scared to fly

Is it inappropriate for me to just ask about like a beta blocker he's tried a couple times I don't know or like two and a half milligrams I think I'd freak out he can't do weed also not gonna lie here it's fun to have a couple drinks

brother I believe that there's some weed he can't do and I believe if he told me there's no weed I can do but just the uneducated person to a friend I have a tough time with it some strands I think would be okay for you

would you agree or disagree I don't think he I just don't think he's built like that it's fair some people weed just doesn't work on. I never, since I'm 14, I mean, we, 13 or whatever, when the first time I did, it never has never worked. Yeah, yeah, no. It's always made me freak out. Yeah, so you just, you're like, it's really like, I just need to take the edge off. Yeah. And also, again, having a few drinks is a blast. There's it's fun. So it's me being like, oh, this is a fun way to conquer this little thing. I'm also having a

good time. Flying a day early sometime, if you decide you want to do this, obviously. And do like half a X. I have, I have, whatever they, like, knockout Xanax. I don't want you worried about what is this going to, I can't do this day up because I'm worried about the show if the Xanax really fucks me up. Maybe, but the doctor said, he's like, this only going to last like four hours. Yeah. If you pop a Zanax. The root of it is you is, is a, you're very nervous. B, you kind of like, like, like you're having a few drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, people. I never, I can never say it's like, well, no, I got to do this. No, it's fun. That's always fun. Yeah. I just like having a panic room. It's fun.

It's having a panic room. You got to have some fun stuff in there too, right? Or is it in the panic room? Yeah, a couple of stress. You have to because you never know how long you're going to be on. You got to have a PS5 on an old, well, an old Sega with altered beast on it. You need a lot of physical media.

Yeah. Because you don't know why you're in this room. Vinyl. I've been, I've been big on physical media lately. They hear Miles Davis coming out of the panic room. Well, you can't get in. I want a 4K of thief so bad.

But I don't want to over. pay for it. Right. Well, you got two more picks, so. It's one of my amenities. That's a great joke. With my third pick, this is going to be my West Coast heritage, I think, peaking out. DuPont? A basement.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's funny. We are... Yeah. I love you so much. Yeah. I want you to put a word in front of that. A bit of furnished. Finished. Oh, yeah. A finished basement. Yeah. Because otherwise it's where teens go to finger bang. Yeah.

Well, either way. Well, I want to finish. Furniture makes finger banging a lot easier. My parents and furnished and finished. They have a basement that's like and this is probably typical of basements. It's as big as the house.

Yeah. And it's so nice that that's where we stay. Basements are awesome. It's bigger than our house. Their basement is just bigger than our house? Yes. I didn't know that. Oh, wait, Dan, I thought you were talking about a Sue's house.

No, no. Yeah, okay. No, well. Soon as it doesn't have a bit? Who has a basement in that? Who has a basement? The house seems like there is a basement in the suit's house. There are a lot of houses you walk into and you go down to the basement and you go, whoa.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're like, this is where it goes down. Yeah. This is the house. That was where all the chill, back in the day, like in the midwit, the split four years, the basement was all anyone hung out in. Nobody ever did anything upstairs. They went, they pooped and got food.

They straight up don't have them in L.A. And in Portland, I feel like they're much more rare than they were in other places. Why don't have basements here? earthquakes like what's why not i think it's earthquakes really that would be just like it's why they thought they were so close with the zodiac killer why is that because because they had somehow deduced that he had a basement oh so they're like well that narrows it down in the bay he's one of six guys yes yeah wow remember that scene where he goes down and it's that guy he's a he was a comedian and he plays like the guy that they think whether either like knew him or was a

friend of him and he and and i think it's jillen hall goes down to the basement he's like you find what you're looking for on there? Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and he's like, I think I'm in the fucking Zodiac house. Was Jillie the Zodiac in that movie? No, he's the detective, right? Yeah, him and Downey Jr. It's such a long mess up their lives.

Such a big investment that movie, but I want to rewatch it. I know, but it's so done though. But yeah, base, furnish or finish basement. A big finish basement. I'm like, because you could fucking do anything down there. It's, a lot of my friends had like their own little bars in their basement. That could be your screening room, like I could.

Yeah, people do that for sure. I feel like a basement operates as a screening room a lot. Yeah, it's all that is. Yeah. People, they watch TV down there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the long, mellow stairs to go down to it. Like, each stairs like this, it's carpeted in my mind.

But in mine, too, we're doing it right. It's not an afterthought, like an old house where it's like, well, it's only six and a half foot tall ceiling. No, it's proper. No, we're talking like eight to ten foot ceiling. Yeah, yeah, just like it's another floor of the house. Yes. It, like, not to, I don't want to become a self-parity, but I have been getting

very into, like, a record player and albums, right? Yes. And like down there, you could just have your little corner. You're not getting to anyone's way. Clink, clink down the steps. Let's go to the stairs. We'll put on a record.

I'm just going to go down and listen. And that's it and just sit down there. You have like a nice, like, low one of these chairs. You just sit. Oh, man. That's the life I want. That's where I'm like, maybe I would move to Chicago. You know what I mean or whatever.

Get you on the basement? Because that's just a basement. Yeah. With an old, like, Papa Bear chair, those mid-century modern. And it's always so much cooler. You can go cool off. Yes.

It is always cool. Yeah, basements. It's like it for granted in my whole life. Basements do rule. Yeah, you don't realize people don't have them. I just thought it was part of the deal. No, not out here. Not out here.

And with my third, fourth, fourth pick, I'm going to take a Viking range. Oh, man. I had it. I had it. Just the big ass. I love cooking. Yep. That's like the big red knob.

The red knobs. The red knobs. Oversized grates. Big ass. It's a five great. It's a five to six. It's great. I need four to six burners on that thing.

Well, you're getting five at least if it's a Viking. Oh, yeah, that's right. Five to six burners on that thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like a nice, probably two ovens. I'm looking for two ovens.

I'm looking for like a... Doesn't you look at that, David. Yeah, that's crazy. It just says, like, cook, motherfucker. Yeah. It really does. It says, have a party. Two ovens, five burners.

Come see me. I'm cooking. Yeah. That's all I want. It just like makes me think of Bordane. Yeah. You're just like, I'm fucking moving these. That's awesome.

I feel like a kitchen, all you want is potential. You don't have to, you can make a grilled cheese. Yeah. But just like the fact that I could go in there and go crazy is, yeah. I've run into, I could go nuts in here. When we're entertaining, I've run into burner shortages, for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

It's like the first time I went to a frat and it's just an industrial kitchen. It really is like a mess old. And they got friars and you're like, what? And like you're there after the bar and they're like, what do you want to eat? There's one responsible kid. Our house mom or house parent will just make whatever we want. Yeah, fucking crazy. Yeah.

Duck. I don't know if I've told you this. I've only been to a frat one time. I was in a frat house for like 20 seconds. This girl invited me, her boyfriend's named Brad Hamilton. I thought it was hilarious. Fast times your Ridgemont High. So I walk in, he's coming down the stairs.

I go, you're Brad Hamilton? He's like, get out of here. That was it. My only time in a frat house. Really? That is. His girlfriend brought me. That's a perfect story.

I mean, that's a perfect story. That tells you everything. Which school? University of South Dakota. Okay. Get out of here. There's that feeling any time you're at a frat party there, like at any point, the guys who live here

can just pull rope. Circle up like Buffalo. Get out. You're out. We're pulling you out. We're pulling you out. And you're like, all right, see you guys. Yeah.

We lived on campus and our roommate was rushing or whatever. And he had to bring the brothers over for dinner once a week. He had to cook him dinner at our crib. And my buddy, Adam and I were like, we ain't going to do anything different. Like, you can do whatever you want, but we're still going to drink 40s and watch Top Gun. feet from you

They'd be sitting there in their ties And we're watching Top Gun What's that to like? Were they into it too? They hated it. Really? Really? Yeah, they took themselves so seriously.

Fucking. What do you do with the frat? Not bad? Buying friends. At U of I, the house I spent the most time in was Ag House And that is logistically a frat But it's really

It's just all guys who grew up on farms But it's not like part of Greek. Agriculture? Is that what it was? And they're just the most, chill like, yeah, man, I don't know, you want, like, you want a dinner roll? Like, it's just like, like,

it's all the same structure as a frat, but it's just farm kids. Hey, brother, welcome to my house. Here's a dinner roll. Some solid dudes. It's just like some, like, I mean solid. Like, where you like hit them and they're like, oh, you got to meet. But I remember being at parties at, like, the hockey house or the wrestling house, and you were always like, there's, we need to leave before this fight starts.

Yeah. Before this pot reaches boil. Yeah. You can feel it. Whoever's not currently having sex upstairs wants to kill me. Because if you had stayed there, You would have felt that creep on you like all night. Like act three Pulp Fiction. You're like, I think I need to get off. There's a shadow falling over me.

Sean, time for your fourth pick. I just want a giant shack bed. Like just a giant bed. Do you that? Bigger than a California king. Giant. Oh, like Drake's bed.

I want to know no one else is in there. Isn't that called like an Alaskan king? Maybe. Absolute biggest you can get. Really? All right. I've, our bed is big,

big enough. but it's not big enough to where we have a what's the didn't need it that felt real and now it doesn't but it did for a second

what are the sizes I won't do it again what are the sizes of bed I love him California King is the biggest what's Alaskin King I think that's like a parody bed that's like a ridiculous

I've seen one so California King King King Queen The biggest, like, standard people have it is the California King. I think we have a queen. Well, that's not big enough.

Then we have a king? Well, you might have a queen, but I'm just saying, California King is not big enough. We don't have that commercial. But I bet if we Google Shack's Badbury, it's going to have. Well, his is a big circle. That's why, from his cribs, that's what, it's just is gigantic. Yeah, the Alaskan King is 108 inches by 108 inches.

Damn, that's a big bed. It's gigantic. It sounds a, just to, and that's, we've had the conversation. because I'm like, let's get a bigger bed. And then Laura says there's not going to be enough room, but I'm like, I'm in here in the bed. Whatever I'm doing in here, I'm not in the room, not in the bed.

Yes, I don't need space. It's not like a boudoir to me. I'm just in the bed. So like I can cut, I have probably three feet from me to the wall. That could be a foot for all I care. It doesn't matter one bit. I imagine I'll eventually go to a king,

but I'm a queen bed man. Yeah. Yeah, every relationship I've been in. I'm like, when we go to a hotel, I'm like, you're too far away. Yeah. Yeah. I kind of like the far away. I like it that we can get together and we can go apart.

Be far away. And then we kind of wake up and come back together. Yeah. That is nice. You know what I mean? I want the options. I need my corner. Yeah.

Also with a C-Pap mask. Oh, yeah. You can't see PAP in the middle. Yeah, you can't see PAP in the middle. You got a PAP in the post. You got to be in love and then you got to be in love and then you got to be in love. that I got to be alive. Baby, I got to go blast off.

You know what side of Berlin on? Because I got to roll over and turn it on. I'll see you tomorrow. You're going mask or nose? Same. Mask is like you get that complete cover. Yeah, the nose is. You eventually get to a point to where you need that to go to sleep, right?

No. Yeah. I don't sleep without it. I don't have to. I can sleep without it. Yeah, I just, but it does put me to sleep pretty much. Because I have night, I have a, I have night retainers. Yeah.

And I've gotten to the point where I, like, lay down and be like, why am I having a hard time fall asleep? I'm like, oh, yeah. No, right. Yeah, I'm very, I can get very routine like that. I'll notice if I'm not CPAP, but I'll get there, man. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I can get that fucking hurricane. Sometimes you get it done, you don't want to go right to sleep.

There you go. Well, she knows when you get in and don't put it on. Yeah. We're going to be up for a little bit. Yeah, where's the CPAP machine? Couldn't tell you. We'll find it. Sometimes you can tell, though, and she's like, we'll find it.

She'll be like, you need to plug in? I'm like, yeah, I got to go. Yeah. I got to get in there. There's a different machine in bed right now. Oh. Oh, this is, I don't even think this is that expensive. I'd like a stocked fishing pond.

Oh, yeah. I've been to one guy's house who had it in Elizabeth, and it was stocked, so it's like shooting fish in a barrel. Literally. You just go out there and you grab five bass easy. Feel like you're the coolest guy in the world? Yeah. Awesome. awesome. I saw, I was watching

on Instagram, a little boozy has his own lake and he just stalked it with what feels like way too many fish. So it's just like yeah, yeah. It's just like Super Mario. Little as you know, below the surface, there's a full on territorial war. Yeah. No, he's

not fish wars. He's caused a war. Red walls happening underneath the lake. Yeah, they're trying to redistrict the pond. It's so awesome though to just be able to go out into your backyard. You have like a dock, I assume. And not even, yeah, just like full-stocked pond. And it could be a lake, but I think-

Would it be nice, though, if you quarter-stocked it so that it was so surprising when you got one? There's still some skill-in-ball? Well, you're just like, oh, fuck, I got a fish to them. Like, sort of the like... I like that. I mean, I think you would... I would want to do bass because they're more fun to fish.

Sure. And then they kind of have spots, right? Because if it's like a full bass pond, I'd probably throw a tire in at one point for the spawn. You know what I mean? So I know where they're at. I know I I fish the shit out of my shit Other people are coming over

Wait can I ask you so is that a thing to put a tire in Yeah and then they spawn in the tire And then you know where the tire is come spring thaw So I've been doing a thing up at the You're not supposed to the lake by my cabin Where I've every summer I try to see like how deep I can swim down Yeah And I've been getting pretty deep

And this past summer I found like an old like 1950s 60s tire And then I saw another one and I'm like, the fuck, somebody ditched, because also people drive across the lake, it's in Wisconsin. There has been times where like, you didn't make it. Jimmy Hoffa. And so I didn't know if like yeah, or like somebody ditched a car, but now

some people do that too, yeah. Okay, that makes so much more sense. Yeah. Man, you changed my life a little bit. There you go, now you know, white wall tires, like old white wall tires? Jimmy Hoff. That was Jimmy Hoff. I think they took Hoff out there. I think it's Hoff out there, dude. Jimmy Hoffa? Jim Hoffa. Jim Hoffa. James.

that's awesome anyway stock like stock or stock pawn yeah that is nice because it also denotes the type of house you have yeah yeah yeah I wherever this house is it's not in the city

no right yeah it could be like super rich burbs but I my dream house is not really yeah like you're not walking out my accordion window wall and looking at a skyscraper right exactly I'm like I'm in trees would that be the worst I wasn't here when we got them

I'd like to live where the NBA players live maybe Yeah, you know, every, every, like, every, not L.A. or New York, but every other place is like, oh, yeah, they all live in the partner. They all live in West Lynn. Chicago, they all live in Lake Forest. Yeah, okay, exactly. All the Bears live in Lake Forest. Highland Park is where Michael Jordan lived. Yeah.

Yeah. Not even in that nice of an area. Just finally sold it. It was on the market for like 15 years. I bought it. You did? It was my basement. Yeah.

Big basement. All right, so I only get one more. Yeah. Two more. Wait, you're, no. That was four. Oh, wait, thought on was David. You get two more.

You get two more. Okay, so first one, I'm just going to say the things that are on it. But it's a diving pool with a slide and waterfall features. Oh, yeah. Like a waterfall feature. But I want, I want a diving pool. Like, I want 15 feet. Oh, yeah, like that.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like we got to bring deep pools back. Yeah. My buddy had one in Arizona. It was a small pool, but it was super deep. That's awesome. I feel like pools are real shallow. Real shallow.

It's his insurance. Is that what it is? Oh, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. So is that why nobody's going like 8, 12? I guess so. Remember the 90s you used to 8, 12-foot pool?

They were all deep pools. Everybody had deep pool. No more deep pool. Yeah, the one in Rochelle was 13 feet. See, that's what I was. At a house? No, you're talking. It was like the public pool.

Oh, yeah, ours were 12. For the high dive was like a 12-foot pool. But I would want like a deep end pool also have a slide feature and, uh... Oh, yeah. And the waterfall be the slide too? Grotto? Yeah, yeah. I mean, don't you kind of?

Yeah, you have to. And if you do it right, you've sort of got a sitting area up at the top. there where the slide is to yeah uh-huh yeah rocks kind of like a little cave a little waterfall coming over you can go under there mm-hmm oh man having a pool like i have a buddy who has a pool like that he's like he writes movies and stuff and it's fucking sharing it's awesome it sounded like a kid making up about his dad he whites movies i don't know if he wants me blown up a spot there's a comedy director that we all know not stephen fine arts who if it's fine arts i'm shooting a text right now you got a grotto you're getting all these stock tips

you don't tell me you're a grotto guy. You're holding out grottoes on this? Shout out to Steve for the stock tips. I love him. I've tried to give you guys stock tips eight months ago. That stock has gone up heavy. I know it.

I told you about what I... Off, we'll do it off. Okay, okay, okay. I love that. I love it off. I really do. Peter the mind for the listener. What happened in the off?

With the stock that we're buying, stock cars. That's what they don't know, dude. We're running. We're running asking. That's why sometimes I'll go like, if somebody's like, I'll tell you who it is off air.

I'm always like, unless you're on the Patreon and you're fucking cool, we'll tell you. Yeah, right? But I went to his house. He was sort of, the back of his house

was sort of on a hill. And so at kind of like street level to the side was the top of the slide and it went down into his pool. Wow. And he had a tiki bar right there. It was just phenomenal.

Like, this is the way to do this and a great slide. Oh, that's awesome. I feel like we, like, that life was a little, used to be a little more attainable in L.A. That's a little harder to get.

I mean, I have stuff on this list That's like $300 and I'm like that'd be so cool But a diving pool with a slide Yeah, that's a fantastic thing Absolutely. It makes me happy. Of my last one? Yeah.

I don't know how luxury it is. I think they're hard to find now. They usually come with the house But I would absolutely love it. A conversation, Den. Oh, buddy. Oh, fuck. Ian's 40th.

Yes. The house they rented for Ian's 40th and Wine Country had one. Yeah. It was so cool. It was. It was great. I see.

Big old shag carpet. In comedy, good clubs have a, almost a transportation or teleportation area for the audience from life to the show. Yeah. Right. So, like, that's why a lot of your great clubs, I think, are in basements because it's comedy on state or it's the cellar. You go down. Things have changed. And I think even in some similar but small way, you step into the conversation, Dan, and it's like, why is your phone out?

Yeah. Exactly. Now you're sitting here talking. Yeah, we're in the den. Yeah. No, I like that a lot. Just a nice. And if it's got one of those, what are they called?

Like, Om, uh, yon, those, those, like, mid-century modern fireplaces. Fireplaces that are like a round one. Yeah. Acme has one of the, or Acme's got like a, like a fireplace in the bar. Yes. Right next to the restaurant. Yeah. It's amazing.

The place in the wine country had one of those fireplaces. It did, like a corner fireplace. Yeah. Dude, we were, we for the conversation and I want it sort of like at the apex. You want that. You don't want in the middle. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. But have you guys been to the pepper mill in Vegas? No. It's a diner across from a resort's world. Yeah. They shot a scene from casino in there. It is unchanged. She's wearing, Sharon Stone's wearing the yellow dress where their hair up.

And she sits down next to. I know what you're talking about. Ace in like a, almost like, I think it's like a beige or peach colored suit. Go go there. It's open 24 hours. We walk in the diner restaurant, which is great. So you're right. You go to your left.

It's the lounge. And it is unchanged. They have a conversation pit with a fire in the center. But it's, you will go, oh, so we're just going to come here anytime we ever go to Vegas. Yeah. It's phenomenal. But I think of that too. Just a conversation, then.

Here, grab your drink. Let's go into the conversation. Follow me down here. Yeah. Another place to put a record on. That's the, I was doing this last night. So our buddy Harper, Zach and I went out. We were trying to find someone to watch the last.

part of the game and we went to this Irish bar that was just packed where a part of me early in my 20s I'd be like hell yeah the ruckus let's do this let's get in the crowd yeah it was the worst I'm like this I can't even think about doing this then we walked down the street found a bar mellow everyone had a seat just the best to sit it's just to sit it's the tight end it mirrors it's the tight end yeah David your final pick uh this is separate from my pond indoor outdoor pool oh both that is the most luxurious to me

do you got to swim under a little door to get outside or does it just go like well I think some of them have a door like like on top yeah yeah open yeah so but like yeah you can you can swim out but yeah indoor outdoor pool is like I've never even seen one of those except like I've never seen one in a house yeah I've seen one like you know you Google it or whatever

yeah yeah yeah that's like I've never been to a house with one same I think it's probably pretty regional too right Like, you can't have one in the Midwest. I stayed at a hotel in Washington that had one. Really? You just swam under a little thing in your outside. I've stayed a few hotels that had them. I wonder if the Midwest, if you could, like, shut it down and then almost have, like, temporary

flooring for the indoor side. Or maybe, like, a false wall or something. Yeah, yeah. Maybe. I just love the idea of, like, the two and, like, the doors open, though, and then the parties crack in, like, ah, man. Because that also, you have to have fucking space. Yeah.

You know what I mean? That's like a, I think it's a huge theme for all of our. Just rooms. Oh. Want to feel to move around. Like, this is the main one that gets when you, when you pull it up and like, this is what I'm talking about. Look at that shit. That's crazy.

That's crazy. That's crazy. It's like, you know, you know what comes with this is every time someone texts you, where are you at and you respond, you know where I am? You know where I am. Indoor outdoor pool. Where else would I be at home, dude? But the theme goes out It's just like

No, that's perfectly done That's like some Star Island Miami shit I feel like places they get like afternoon thunderstorms Where it just rolls through for an hour You don't even have to get out of the pool You just swim in That could be like an Arizona thing too

Yeah Ooh yeah yeah yeah I like that Arizona That's where we live these lives That we're talking about We sell Do we live these lives We sell a show

God Wouldn't that be nice Sean Time for your final pick Rapparound porch Oh yeah Like a wrap around porch Oh yeah

I love a wrap around porch You don't see those either That much anymore I get jealous of a nice big porch Even just one where you could You could have like 10 people out on it They got some of those in Portland You'll see them in the old houses

Such good ones Our buddies we were just our friend's house for Halloween Huh? You picture in fans like ceiling fans Some wrap around porches have like fans Nah I'm not even going second level. I'm doing like wrap around porch on the first level. Just

a big porch around the whole thing. Adirondacks. Probably TV out there. You know, whatever. It's sprinkling, whatever you need. But yeah, just for, huh? A couple grills. Oh, yeah, a couple girls. Yeah, there's sections. Oh, I'm getting I'm on the charcoal side. I'm on the gas side. David, he's not the gas wheel.

I thought this was a fucking gas party. All gas, no bricks Yeah Oh, that's great Brackettes You know On a can of brackets

Rapp around porch is a great pick This is why I watched Lakefront bargain hunting Beachfront bargain hunting My Lottery Dream Home Oh man I like to watch that show Where they build the pools

What is it? Oh yeah Extreme pools Yeah Yeah Extreme pool makeover or whatever Yeah That

All that shit's great Yeah Dana and I remember We were driving It was like Thick COVID And we were driving To Portland

For the holidays And we like stop. We'd like, went as far as we could. And it was so dark and rainy that we like stopped off at a hotel 150 miles south of Portland and went in there and just watched like HD TV garbage TV for like three hours. I love it so much. Flip it or like love it or leave it or flip it

or flop or whatever. It was perfect. It was just like this is exactly the kind of TV I want to be watching right now. Great hotel TV. Yeah. And I got other great stories at all. It's pool out under the next probably three, four episodes. I'm not going anywhere. My final pick is a proper in-home gym. Yeah. Proper in-home gym.

But like with everything, dumbbells go to 150. Yes, right. Proper dumbbells. Proper, like not the machines. You got bands. You got step-up boxes. But then maybe you also have a Smith machine. And you have, yeah.

You have a kettlebell set. Yes, there's a squat rack. There's everything. Kendo sticks. Sandbags. The sigh, the nunchuk, the machete. Oh, stuff. Yeah.

A couple different geese. Yeah, dude, absolutely. There's a dance dance revolution machine. Morpheus is down there. Forfeus is down there. There's a loose eel flopping around on the floor. You can wrestle it. It's from myth, though, so it doesn't die.

You always think that when you're like at the gym or at the wire or whatever, where you're like, damn, that would be cool if I could just go downstairs. Just walk outside. And I think you would actually use it. I think if you had a full-on gym in the crib, it's like, you know. We went to, we shot with, I don't know if I ever talked. told you this. We shot with Mark Wahlberg. Oh, yeah. At his home gym.

So we did, you know when his like schedule leaked and it was like, oh, 5 a.m. or whatever. So Gordon went over there and like we did the 4 a.m. workout, went to Walberg's house, which was in a part of Bel Air. Is the gym its own structure? No, it's downstate. It's like in the basement, but it's big. It's like a big gym. But it's not, it's not huge. It's like not what you would think. It's like, but it's bit. It's definitely bigger. He doesn't have like a boxing ring in there. No, because he's going to Peter

Berg's place all the time. Right. He wants to be around people. It's like probably three of these rooms that we're in right now, which is pretty good. It's pretty good. It's size of your living room, probably. Maybe a little bigger. And yeah, he just kind of had everything. He would have everything you would want. What do you want to do? What do you want to do? Yeah.

You want to throw medicine balls at each other? You want to do a ball slams? You want to do a wall set? One of the Romanian deadlifts? I can't do it. You know this. I didn't put a track in here but you run around this 78 times it's a quarter mile 78 times I remember those gyms with the small

yeah yeah miles only 40 left he had like weird Boston he had like some he had there was like a Paul Pierce autograph but I think there was also like a Charlie Villain Nueva autograph or something like that where it was like oh damn like a real basketball signed by new edition yeah right in your that's phenomenal first boy then

yeah Donnie and the kids weren't actually the first boy bit. No, because they're from Boston. Yeah. That was my first time on your own TV Raps, right there, actually. I've ever signed this. In your gym, would you have one of those, it's not a pool, it's not a tub, but you swim and don't

go anywhere? Oh, that's family or whatever. Those things are sick, dude. Yeah. I'd be kind of a friend. I'm intimidated by whatever that is. Because I don't really get it. I'm scared of swimming in exercise. It's a current. It's like a moving sidewalk with water. It's like a treadmill with water. Great thing about the gym pick, too, is, in my mind,

You are getting the sauna and maybe even the steam room. Yeah, you can get everything. It's all in a little locker room. Yeah, definitely. Punching bag. Just for you. Just for me. It's set up like the locker room, but it's just for you.

Kind of a walk in, like a walk-in closet. It's got a 22-year-old woman who's in a situation ship that asks you to sign in. Yeah, definitely. She works with you a little. You know what it would be. Just to make you go good about it. You know what you both know. You both know.

Exactly. She's like, oh, look, you're looking better. Oh, thanks. You know what would be cool about the home gym too. is like, do the stuff you're kind of scared to do in the real gym. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a machine where I'm worried. It's when you go, you know what?

Can I do a chin up? Yeah, or like, what's the machine? No, by the way. What's the machine? It's mostly like women and then really strong men. The hip thing? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm loading that up.

Yeah, my base, me. I'm doing that and I'm doing the butterfly. That is a great movement for your body. Dog, you know how many times I've walked around it and realized I don't know how to fasten myself into me. I don't need, I don't know. Like, I'm looking at it. And I also don't know a smart starting way.

I think I know. Come with me to my gym. We'll just raw do dog it with the barbell. I don't know if you want to that too. I hope people do raw dog it with a barbell. Yeah, that's what we do in my job. I see people do it with dumbbells too on the, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's hard.

I know steps two and three of that. You know what I mean? That's the problem with that machine. Yeah. And you just get to isolate. Oh, I love like leg press. Makes you feel good about yourself because you can do way more than you think. When I was a dog, when I was getting really into like seeing influencers lifting, like,

you're just lifting. so you're seeing it all the time and shit. Those guys, hey, you leg press assholes. Yeah. I go up there and I put five on each side and it makes me feel good. I don't ego lift other lifts. I'm very reasonable in everything else. I go nuts on the leg press.

It makes me feel cool. You got power. Access to power. Yeah. I hate those guys who are mean to leg press people. I know what the fuck. Do it. Hey, fantastic, four.

The thing's not trying to fly. Yeah, exactly. He's doing what he. Wait, that's a movement. There's people out there to mean to me. I did curls. I did other legs. You did them?

You know what I mean? And now I want to feel good about my stuff. Yeah, I want to feel cool. Yeah, I don't want to get my ass kicked by an isolated 15-pound lift on my shoulders. I'm not trying to do Bulgarian split squads. I want to push a small car up a steep incline with my legs, okay? Because I'm not buff. Yeah.

So I got to really focus on the shit in there that makes me feel good. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like buff guys are like, I don't like, but eat a dick, you're buff. Yeah. You got oblique You're enough It was hard for me to get in here

Big dog I got cake this month Yeah Let me do some cool shit All right Let me do some cool shit And then If you're gonna be a dickhead

Maybe come bang with me Over on the dumbbell bench press Because I'm going nuts too Yeah Yeah yeah yeah You should just grab one of those guys Straight out of the gym Walk to the nearest open mic

And go have at it Yeah Also by the way These are just guys on the internet Nobody at the Y Ever did that today Chat to everybody at the Y only really nice guys

and guys who don't have jobs and ladies and there, it was actually it's bumming me out trying to find a new gym too because the Y. There was like guys who would be like hey man I saw you like three weeks ago I see you this week you're going

like it was a real community The Hollywood Y was pretty friendly to me when I was there. I got a gym like that I wish you lived in my neighborhood where it's like definitely like it's the same faces because now the closest shit to me

is the fucking golds across from the lucky strike and I'm like I can't I can't even do that drunk by that last night? It's a different situation. I can't even, come on, man. You will meet those deadlift guys there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like everybody's dressed too nice, but I'll find a good one. I think I'm going to start at the LA Fitness. Isaac, do you have a pick? Yeah. I know you do. Of course I do. A basketball court.

Yeah. Indoor, like a full-size NBA-sized basketball. Would it be basketball slash tennis or just basketball? Just basketball? Indoor? Indoor. What jersees do you have framed? What's like?

Like, what's the decor? When I produced Evan Turner and Andrew Godal's podcast, we filmed one at like an actual full-size basketball court in, I think, I want to say in Brentwood somewhere. They had jerseys of like Steph Curry, LeBron, like all, every single fucking great NBA player ever. Was this in someone's house? At somebody's house.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some like real estate mogul's house. Yeah. I mean, you saw Jordan's interview, right? Which one? The one that he just did with a real estate. Rico. Yeah.

And the, I've heard everybody talking about it. I haven't watched it. He rented a house for the Ryder Cup and the guy had a basketball court and he goes,

hey, would you mind can I bring the kids over and just say how to the kids? Oh, yeah. And then he goes, one more thing. Will you take a free throw on this court?

The kid was like, yeah. Now you get to go, Jordan's shot a free throw on this court. Right. And Jordan said that's the most nervous because he's like,

he said, he's like, I haven't, I haven't shot a basketball in 10, 12 years. Yeah. Isn't that crazy that, by the way? That he doesn't just go mess around sometimes. He retired.

Yeah. And he was, and I think for him, it's probably a healthy thing to do. Yeah. Because remember that clip of the 75 when he like looked and he was looking, was it magic? Yeah. He was like, you want to fucking go right now? Yeah, I got you. Dead serious.

Yeah. But so I think he's like, I have to stay away. It's probably more of a bad thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there's no fun games for it. No. I can't keep basketball on the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like me with like the Halloween candy where I was like November 1st. Get it out. It's in there. Yeah. It's in there. It's in the Hebeum kitchen. But that would be cool to then be like either mementos or like, you know who shot on this court. Yeah.

I mean, it would be fun for me to play, but mostly it would be fun to like have people come in and play. Yeah. And now I'm entertaining these guys and, you know. I feel like it's like a gym where it's like, oh, cool. This is crazy to have in my house. Like I have people come over. Have people come over. Yeah, it's such a casual too.

Like, you want to go shoot around a little bit? Everybody wants to shoot around. It's fun to shoot around. Yeah. You just got like 20 basketball? I'd be there every day at least 30 minutes shooting around. I really do think you'd use it. It's one of those things where I'm like, yeah, I think, yeah.

At my peak basketball playing days, I played every day for like a year. Well, you were on the Wizards. I was on the Wizards. Yeah, that's true. It's part of my job. You could, you're going like half or three quarter. You're not going full-course. Full-size.

Wow. You played full-core basketball every day for a year? No, no, no, I'm saying in this house. But at the house, I want it. But the great thing about having that, too, you could run ladders. You could be like, you know what else I'm going to do in here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could put a, you've got to put a pool under there, like, and it's a wonderful life.

There's an idea. It's a great call. Yeah, right. That is an amenity. A metatee. You guys seen a singing in the rain? Uh-uh. Just a good old movie.

Oh, okay. That's all it is. And it about, what's it about labor unions or something? It's about, uh, it's about, uh, talkies. Oh, yeah, the movie's transferring over. Yeah, yeah. Uh, excellent pick, Isaac. To recap, Dan, you went first.

You took accordion window wall onto a big deck. walk-in fridge sauna diving pool slided with waterfall features pool conversation pit

David you went second you took a steam shower a wood fire pizza oven a backyard sound system a stocked fishing pond and an indoor outdoor pool Sean you went third you took heated floors

a screening room a panic room a shack bed and a wrap around porch I went last I took a deep bathtub a walk-in closet a basement a Viking range and a gym I feel like mine is pretty obtainable Yeah. Viking range is only about like 10 grand, which is a lot.

You need your hands on a Viking range. Yeah, but you can do it. You get your hands on a deep bath. This is what I sketched out here is actually if I moved to Chicago. Oh, dude, some of the stuff. Some of the stuff that I had, I had smart curtains. Yeah. Yeah, you can do that on a nap now. No. Walk in pantry bar lounge. I would like lighting from my phone. I want to control all the lights for my phone. I control half of them already from my phone. So it's just a manner of doing a couple more. It's a matter of just doing it. Because that's like in the light bulb, right? Yeah, I could just have to screw light bulbs into the kitchen light,

and then I could control the whole house from my boat. I also pictured the shower where it's a rain showerhead and duel from each side. Yeah. Like a car wash. Yes. Big Daniel wash. Yes. Big Daniel?

Waste that water. Grand piano I had. Oh, how much it's a grand piano? You can tell me anything. It's a lot. You want something that's a nice touch? A media closet. So like in here, if you're watching.

watching your TV, you're not seeing anything else. There's a closet either around the corner or in the rooms that has your Blu-ray player, you're able to everything. And then you've got the, what is it, the RF signals or whatever? You've got those, it's hooked up, like how they do with bars. And then you just control all that. My buddy's an electrician, he did that at one of his houses he was renting back in the day. He asked the guy is like, can I, I'll hook you up and you can just have this for the next tenant.

And it was sick, like that. It was just a TV, nothing else. God, guys who can make stuff. Oh, my God. That's who we draft next. We should draft guys who can make stuff. It's just us fawning over here, dude. Sharpeteer.

Yeah. You know Sharpie gets that shit done. I want Sharpie. I had an air-powered laundry shoot system. What? So anywhere in your house. Oh, I know what you're talking. Like the bank thing.

But it's that for clothes. Wherever you put it, it's going to get sucked down into your laundry. Do people have that? Does it sound pneumatic? Like, boom. Yes. Yeah, because it's constantly. So awesome.

I hate laundry. Yeah. If you big house. Anything to make it easy. Modern. waiter so you're not carrying stuff upstairs and things like that I'm going to send it up and then I'll grab it yeah or sending it down somebody on Reddit said you need a 400 amp main panel if you're going to have a lot of amenities I think it's just you need a lot of people put things

in their house and then they don't put in a main electrical panel to actually I didn't realize you need so much juice for this shit we got a generator and we had to get a whole extra side panel to power the generator you got a degenerator because you're a degenerate filthy Rich. Whoa. There's something rich people always have. And we're not rich

because we didn't think about it. And I didn't think about it either. An outdoor lighting system. Like drop lights for your trees. I have drop lights in my front yard now? Yeah. Talk about like a 10 grand improvement

that really only costs you like $200. And they got ones like in the trees and along the house. I got one shooting up on my trees now. I didn't either. It looks so nice and it's so affordable. It's crazy.

I had full house speaker system and communication panel So you can be like Intercom So when you don't know When your life's in us Are you downstairs?

Yeah You see that in some of these Nice old L.A. Hollywood houses Yeah, yeah Yeah The 70s ones where it has the old fashion Yes I had library

A really nice fire would be awesome Yeah I had like a memorabilia room Would be cool Like just a full arcade I was trying to get a pop a shot And then I moved in with my fiance. I remember when you...

I remember you talking about it. You cannot have both. I was fully on... I was like, I was going to get a good one and then it's like, all right. What if you had a full real bar lounge? Like this, in this room is a bar and lounge. I was thinking about a nightclub, like how big boy has like a nightclub it is. Like for real.

All the lights. Yeah. A bar. Just your perfect bar where like you hire a bartender for the night. Yeah. You just invite only the people you want to be there. And it's like, this is what going to a bar would ideally be like. I think that's what it is when you're rich, right,

is being able to do all the stuff you go out to do. That's why people have bowling alleys in the house or whatever. Relatedly, wine cellar. Yeah, wine cellar. Yeah, I also had walk-in pantry. Yeah. Here's the one that's so attainable, but I just, I'm like, what a nice touch. Pull down screen garage door.

So you sit, especially in the Midwest, you sit in your garage in the summertime, you're drinking beers, mosquitoes are out in full, and you just pull, it's a pull down garage door, but it's a screen. Oh, that is nice. Yeah. Oh, and it has like the mask green door. I think it's like 300, $300, $500. It has like the magnet clips to keep it closed.

Yeah, sure. No, dude, it's a full door. Oh, okay. Okay. In it is like an actual, like, screen door built into it as well. But the whole thing, it comes down, boom, and it's one big panel screen. That Midwest thunderstorms summer thing, that's another thing we don't really get on the West Coast. I haven't hung out in a garage for many.

I just did it Friday night. We were garage drinking. Awesome. Yeah. Love that. Well, heck, we want to hear from you, the listener. Hit us up at All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the AFV Patreon.

The medicine is now wearing off. Where you can get all sorts of wonderful stuff. The mailback episodes, the live episodes, this or that episodes, auction drafts. And a thing that DVK pitched to us, and I think we're going to do. The initial launch of whatever we name it. We're going to call it, where we're going to watch a movie. You got to come on in December.

We'll do it. And then we'll do like a little three-round draft of that movie. It's great. Sounds tight. We're going to call it DVK in. DVK and I like that I like that

Shout to everyone Oh mega producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos Shout to the AFC subreddit AIFE Shackety Yo Shout to St. Sue Carmel

On the ones and twos as well Oh I thought you were signaling me something I love it Shout to Frankie Ocean Sid the dude Hodge you beats

And more important than all that Tune and get next to another brand new episode of all Flantasy everything Shakotty

That was a hit-gum podcast. Hi, I'm Nicole Baier. And this is the podcast, Best Friends. And we're here at HeadGum. So this is just a podcast where we just talk. Yeah. We're best friends. We talk.

And then we have a segment where we answer questions and queries. So audience can ask questions about friendships and we can answer them to the best of our abilities. Yes. We are professional friends. Subscribe to Best Friends on Spotify, Apple Podcast, PocketCast, or wherever you get your podcast. And watch videos on YouTube. new episodes drop every Wednesday That's the middle of a work week

I was deeply unhelpful to you during that whole thing I'm really sorry I felt the support I was so okay I was trying to be supportive but I was like I don't know reading seems pretty hard right now it's a lot I think you did good thank you so much you're welcome