All Fantasy Everything - Magical Powers (w/ Dana Schwartz)

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

Which power would you use to dominate the WNBA?Guest:Dana Schwartz (@danaschwartzzz)» Dana's new novel, 'The Arcane Arts' by S.D. Coverly, is out now! Get it anywhere books are sold.Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. We're doing another brand new episode of all. Are we recording? Yeah. Every part, anything and fantasy everything. Ah! The podcast of fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture. On today's episode, we're drafting magical powers we wished we had or would want to have.

Yeah. Or would like to have. Yeah. Ian, why don't you do a second take of the intro? No. Our guest today is the author, uh, television writer, podcaster. collegiate or high school, what were you, what scholar were you? Presidential scholar?

Presidential scholar. What? And most importantly, wife, mother, sister, daughter. Santa and a saint. Brickson. Neese. Freestyleer. Two-time varsity golfer.

Yeah. Twice, right? Yeah. Two-time varsity athlete. I didn't know that. Yeah, they gave me a jacket and a letter and everything. So you guys are all goddamn varsity athletes except for me? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That sucks. Dana Schwartz. New York Times two-time number one New York Times bestseller. She's been a varsity athlete as many times as she's been a New York Times number one bestseller. That's true. You have to read that second book this year.

For now. They have an audio book. You can listen to it. Yeah. It's like a podcast. You read the first one, right? Nope. Not yet.

It's an audio. I have two copies. All of my family is read anatomy. When was the last time he had two copies of another book? I don't know. I technically, I have an audio and a physical of his. Yeah, I got a copy. King James is in every room.

King James lives in the house. Prince James Bible, which is all sexy. It's a little. Squire James, which is dirty. Speaking of books, there'll be another book you cannot read out soon. I'm going to read it. That's what I'll do after I finish towards a time Hollywood. I'll read anatomy. There you go. It's insane that I have it. You're going to love it. I just made the second book

in general this year. Yeah. Well, this will be my third book. Because otherwise because we're, that's the anatomy of a genius, dude. I'm going to be in my third book this year. Third book this year? I have, I have written six books. You've written six books as I've read? No, in total. Oh, man. I was like, geez. David was going to explode. You've written six books this year? It's April. I haven't written six texts this year the right one. This episode is coming out. Yeah, you spelled come wrong a lot.

June 4th. Oh, so it's already, my newest book, The Arcane Arts, is already out and available, and you should read it. Although, there's no reason we couldn't mix. When does it come out? May 19th? We could mix the order up. We could, yeah.

Right? Some of the references, I feel like. Are there enough? Oh, there's me teasing something coming up. Would it be helpful if we have this come out release week? Yeah, if you can. Let's mix it. All right.

And leave all this in. in, baby. Sure. Leave it all in. Leave it all the sausage. What was the stuff that we talked about that was timely? That's not important right now. It's me teasing something that I now can not even announce.

Me. It's coming out soon. Teasing me. So you're still teasing it. Shut up, idiot. See? That's what it does. Ugly.

Eans in the new he, man. Fine. I play manny faces. That's one of them, right? Yeah. Is that okay that we flip that a little bit? There you go. There's Mr. Roboto.

Beast Man, you're skunk or dude. I'm not skunkor? There's a skunker? Twist his waist and he spelled like a... I mean, it stunker. Who's the big furry fuzzy meat? Moss man. Moss man. I'll be Moss man. I missed all this.

Randy Moss man. He man is like, I'm younger than them and I barely got it. I barely got it. I was probably right in this old man range. You probably barely got it for sure. He man. Sheeer. Man of arms. Skunkor.

Beast man. Moss man. Skelor. You prefer. Shea. Evelin. You were like, for me, Shira's the one. Shira? Shira.

Shira. Shira. It's not Shira. It's not Shira. There's a hyphen. So it feels like it should be Shira. Shira. Shira.

Like the Hebrew. Chakira. Hebrew girls name. Shira. Yes. Shira. That's what I was channeling. Yeah.

Which is all important information around the fact that you have another book coming out. Let's say in three days? No. It came out two days ago. It came out. two days ago. Yeah. So if it came out two days ago, it's called the Arcane Arts.

You should read it. If you're in Chicago or New York or Phoenix, look up on my social media for dates to come out and see me talk and read in person. If you're in Chicago, New York, fly to Phoenix. So they have some people to read books there. No. I was going to say, you don't. The three pillars of literary. It's so funny you're going to Phoenix.

I don't know. Well, I actually do know why they're sending us to Phoenix. Can you say? Major market. I don't want to. What if I can't? Yeah, that's right. If I can, there'll be like a big announcement of why I'm going to Phoenix

because the publishers were very excited about it. Otherwise. Charles Barkley is interviewing about the book. There's a new Budweiser campaign that's sponsored the book. No, it's going to be, in theory, a very exciting person speaking to us about the book who is based in Phoenix, so we are coming to her. There's exciting people based in Phoenix. Larry Fitzgerald.

Steve Nash. In the historical fiction community, yes indeed. Okay. Yeah. And this one is a little. I was more of a Toronto. Show scene. Anatomy is more of a

YA, young adult novel. This one's a little more in the romanticcy vein. This one is an adult novel. That's why I co-wrote it and we used a pseudonym. It's by SD cover leaves. Don't be confused because my name is Dana.

But my initials are DS and you flip them around. It's esteem. So yeah, it's like a fun, sexy magic time. Hence. Love and sexy magic. I was going to, I knew it. That's why I pointed at you. What is love and sexy magic?

Brno Mars, right? I thought it was Justin Timberlake. Oh, it is, yeah. But that I can make you believe in love and sexy magic. Were we talking about that or did I somehow hear that? We were talking about it. Okay, good. It's come on.

I was like, that's here about it. Or did I somehow hear that? There's Love Sex Magic by Sierra, featuring Justin Timberlake. That's got to be it. Yeah. Good for Sierra. Yeah. Remember when Rihanna did the most devastating burn on Twitter?

Oh. To raise a Sierra? I can't believe this. Sierra has had it tough, I feel. She said, she said something like, I'll see you on stage. And Rihanna said, good luck booking that stage. Do you speak up? Yeah, yeah.

Which it's like, man. What are you going to say to that? You'd be like, well, all right, Rihanna, but like, I'll run up there for a bit. Billionaire Rihanna. How you would go about your day if Rihanna said something mean to you? My day's over. It's over. If you got to thought about me, I'd be having a pretty good day.

It doesn't really matter. It's a hard reset. I just got to go inside. I found a Kit Kat in the headgum kitchen that has an apple on it. An abel? Apple. Apple. I did say apple.

Is that Japanese? It is a language from that part of the world. This is also, this one has... Over there. I couldn't confidently say it's Japanese. That one is an apple. What is this? This looks like...

What is it a depiction of mint? That's mint, and I want to say maybe some mint and ginger. This might be controversial. Japanese Kit Katz go nuts. They go nut. I was over there just like in a store and just more Kit Katz than you ever. Stuff you didn't think. Wasabi Kit Katz.

I'm going to eat this. They got wasabi Kit Kat. Apple Kit Kat while Sean Cougar Melon Jordan tells you about his dates. It was like dinner and a movie most of the time. Come on. I'll be September 26th, Late Show, Aladdin Theater, Portland, Oregon, 10-year anniversary, all fantasy, everything. Late show added, so come to that. I'm headlining the Motor City Comedy Festival on a day that is on my Instagram.

It's September something or another. So go ahead and check on that. And, you know, sign up for the Patreon. We got, I guess, say the fun episode coming out. Words we think make us sound smart, volume 3. Live. Zach Desconi, live in New Orleans. I forget the other two topics, but we also had Jamel on and Langston, right?

They were all good. So those are all three coming out. That's funny. That's a funny topic. Dog. Declared. I didn't. I tried to say, well, I don't want to wreck it.

Can I say the one that you didn't let ride? Yes. I tried to say Sepulveda. And they wouldn't let it ride. Like the boulevard? I think it makes me sound smart when I say subpoena. It's the place? They told me it's not a word.

It's not a word. It's not scrable eligible. No, it's not scrabble eligible. It's a proper noun. See? You didn't, you didn't say that. that would have stuck with me. Did I sound?

I knew it was happening. I knew it was happening. Licked the inside of my ear. And their relationship to Kit Kat is like us with Oreos. Because have you seen an Oreo aisle recently? Okay, but here's what I'm going to tell you. It's a lot classier. Oh, yeah.

Those Oreos are garbage. Yeah, our Oreos are like peanut butter and peat. They're desperate. It's like never stuff that you wanted in the Oreo. No, it's like Mr. Beast flavored. Yeah. And theirs is always like prickly pear and cardamom. I mean, I'll eat those Oreos.

I'm not, yeah. We'll all eat those Oreos. The Easter Oreos that just came out. I think there should be 1.5 stuff Oreos. I think a double stuff is too much. Double stuff, it was nuts. Yeah. I heard they've toned, they've unstuffed them a little bit.

Haven't it? Which I know is probably like economics, but actually I do think what would be an improvement. That's Trump for you right there. That's the exact reality. Starting to regret voting for the guy. It's going to get, no, no, no. Stand, be step fast in your computer.

St. Tentos. Yeah. That's the kind of thing that's going to get pinned on old J.B. Pritzker or whatever. You know. Is that a J.D. Vance joke? No, is he the next president? J.B. Pritzker. What's J.B. Pritzker?

What's the Pritzker guy from Chicago? What? I don't. Pritzker. From Illinois. Now I feel like I'm insane. The governor of Illinois. Are we gas-lighting years?

This is gas-sliding. You don't know who Jamie Prickster? I don't know. Is J.B. I just said Prickster. That's Pritzker. Pritzker. J.B. Pritzker.

Oh, like that would have done it for you? Oh, I didn't know. I said, sorry. No, no, no. Wildly similar name. You're right. I was not in the context of what my brain was doing. I didn't know what you were talking.

You hung me out to dry. And it says on our katuba that you would never do that. I'm sorry. I didn't know what you were talking about. Is that that big Jewish tuba that you were playing at your life? Our katuba, yeah. I didn't know you were talking about another politician. So is J.D.

Rikster? J. J.P. Trickster. Pritzker. Are you saying trickster? K.M. Trickster. Is J.D. de trickster? Gonna be at the gathering of the jugglers?

Is he going to have a yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who da, whoda, whoda, whoda, whoda, whoda, whoda, whoda, whoda. Do you think J.T. Money ever played a bar mitzvah? I hope so. He would have, I would have been thrilled if he was at mine. The, if the timeline met him up were insane. Oh, yeah. I hear they go nuts. I bet J.T. Money got one.

Dana went. For sure. You had like two or three every weekend because you were like the crazy Jewish neighborhood of Chicago. The second half of sixth grade to like the first half of eighth grade, it was three a weekend. That's great. And like Monterelloistics, Shirley Temples, DJ. Like it was crazy every weekend. There was like a bit of an arms race too, right?

Oh, yeah. Giveaways. Is it very like competitive amongst the parents? Yes. but there's just kind of an established bar that you're supposed to hit. Mitzv. Okay.

Yeah. And it's like, well, if you're hitting that bar, then you're okay. Or bot or bonnet. Great job, baby. Does Mitzvah mean good deed? It's like a good thing. Okay.

There's levels, right? That's where it's three levels of a Mitzvah. There's like four levels of a Mitzv. I remember being taught. Yeah. It's like some is like if you're, if you mean to do a good thing. You don't tell.

If you don't feel it, but you do it anyway. Yeah. If you do a good thing and they don't find out about it. That's like one of them. Like they don't find out who did it. You don't get credit. If you do a good thing but with a bad attitude, that's still one of them. Yeah.

Ooh, I like that that slips soon. I don't want to do you ever get it anyway. That's a Dave Mitsub. If you have a headache, but you do it anyway. Yeah. Come to join our Patreon. That would be fun. Cheap.

Fun little ride over there. Lots stuff going on. We're having a good time. The belly watch along. The belly watch along. David Borey's here. Cool guy jokes eight at seven. Instagram. Roman J. Israel.

Coming up. It's coming. I blanked out. You want dates for me? Yeah. Oh, I just found out there's a I'm going to be. I don't actually, I take it back too. Watch my don't tell. It was, I feel like a 7 out of 10, but I hate my comedy. You might think

it's a 12. It's up over 59 million views right now. We're up over 59 million at this point. I've been hacked. I had to restart all my socials. Yeah, that's a big deal. I'm assuming that for myself. We're just guessing. Right now my Instagram bio does say hacked at 25 mil.

Because I changed it. That's always fun of it. I had it. I think it says famous comedian hacked at 25 mil. Awesome. Dana Schwartz is here. Yes. At what is it, DJ?

Dana Schwartz. Dana Schwartz across platforms. You have extra Zs, right? Yeah, two extra Zs at the. at the end. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Tick-Tock and Instagram are kind of where I'm at right now. Yeah. Posting fun facts. Posting fun facts. Trying to get engagement, trying to get people to buy my book so that I can keep Ian in furs. I've been wearing a lot of fur. And not the places you think. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. Shorts. Firt. Shorts. Just like Tommy Guns and Rocky Five.

Yeah. Does he wear fur shorts? No, he's got short fur coats, though. Oh. Like fur coats that go down to their waist. Like a little ballerro. Big sleeves, though, too. Yeah. That's an interesting. I have to have been to not having revisit. When we did the Rocky, you never saw it. I had never seen it, so we watched them all. We didn't watch five.

No, we went to four. Is that the one where he's in Russia? Yeah, yeah. Four is where you need to go. That's where they stop. Rocky Five is a big swing. And then Rocky Balboa is also. That video game shit.

Creed. Creed won. I didn't watch Creed. We can get back into it maybe. The Apple Kit Kat was good. It had the essence of Apple to it. Did you try the other one? Not yet.

Green apple? You're just making your lifesaver sweat a little bit. Yeah. I don't want to put it in yet. I got to talk. Leave it there for the next hour and a half. So,

TikTok, Instagram. Is there anything else you want to direct people towards your substack? I don't really do anything on subsstack. Just please, please listen to Noble Blood, which is a podcast, or hoax, which is a podcast. But read my books.

That would be great. I'd love to keep writing books. I'll do little book reports as I read anatomy. Do it. That would be great. I would love to hear if you like it. And this will motivate me to read it. I have no problem letting these two down.

I do not want to let you down. Don't let me down. I would love you to read it. You really make stuff hard for yourself in an interesting way. And her book's been out. Because now if you don't read it, I'll be disappointed. Yes. And also include reports.

I did. Over COVID, I said I was going to make like a diorama every week or something for faded. You did. I did one ICB down. I was like, that was so much work. I'm going to make a diorama. Every week. Are you good at book reports?

Like, why did you say that? I don't, I think I'm probably bad at book reports. I don't know if I ever did one. Will you make one diorama at the end if you read it? When? When you read an atom? Gaslight me or put gas in my take. When you read anatomy, will you make one diorama?

Yes. I made it harder for myself right there. You do that. It's like when you're like, I'll drink a pint glass of hot sauce. I will drink a guy. We're like, nobody wanted you to do that. that and you're like, I'll do it right now. I don't do that part.

I'm not silly. This is business. You sell that second show out, pint glass of hot sauce. Don't, dude. Why are you doing? Nobody wants you to do it. That's so much hot sauce.

It's a small room. Everything's going to spike. Over the course of a month. I don't know the corresponding levels, but whatever you got is going to spike. Sodium. Everything is going to spike. Whatever's going like this is going to redline.

You're going to red line. Your bow is going to fall off. You also at a certain point You can't live like a 20 year old That's not even a 20 year old though I don't think A pint glass of hot sauce That's a circus performer

But I am built different I don't know what you want for me I'm him I'm gym dude That's where I'll be going every day I just say if I say you're I don't want to I can't watch you drink a pint glass of hot sauce I close your eyes playboy

I'm gonna I get farted on for the whole rest of the show I am also scared about that. Don't do it. I ain't going to do it. Your wife doesn't want it. I don't think that's a healthy situation. I won't do.

You can drink a pint glass of milk? Oh, that would, yeah, be hard. Harder. I also don't love that. Could it be hot milk? Can we boil it? We can boil the milk. That's my promise to you.

Put me to sleep like Ebene's or screwed. My pajama hat. With your a candle, you can snooze in your long men's nightgown. You can snooze through the show. I just start aimlessly walking around the stage. My name's Ian Carmel. I have nothing to promote except for our second show,

which if you sell out, Sean will eat a gun with a fork in a knife. If you sell it out, Sean will sit on stage with a fork in a knife and eat that gun. Yeah.

I'm going to shoot himself. That's not what I'm talking about. He's going to eat a gun. Yeah, I'll just eat. I got to eat. If you sell it out, Sean will break into the zoo and try to ride one of the animals.

The zoo logical garden. The zoo logical garden, which is what zoo is short for. Yeah. I could ride one of those pet and zoo goats for sure. You think they go hold me up?

Yeah. For sure? I think it would be harder than you think. Yeah. To ride a goat. Goats are widely. Those are pretty small also. And they're strong.

They're not as big as you think. What would you do if I sneezed in your face? We had a buddy that would always do that. He'd stop when he had to sneeze and he would just get like this far and sneeze in our face. And he was a person who were friends with? Mm-hmm. That's the kind of thing guys did. What'd you call him?

Joel, shout out, Joel. That guy didn't earn a nickname? You gave every guy. You didn't call Snottwell? Because he's sneezing in your face. The guy who sneezed in your fucking face? No, we never gave him the next name. You're called Sneezegard Splatterbar?

Shout out. That's an old A.F. Snes guard splatterbar. Sneeze guard splatterbarf. Fart barf, knock off. You haven't listened to every episode of this podcast? We're getting a divorce. I'd be so upset if my wife listened to every episode.

I hope we never have another pandemic. I think you actually would find it creepy if I listen to every episode of this. this podcast. You don't want that. It would so... No thing I've prone is the arcane arts available now for two days. Buy it this week. Actually, buying it this week would be the most helpful. If you could. If you plan on buying it by it this week.

John, I'll order a bunch and I'll read them a couple years later. Sign up for our Patreon. Come to the show. There's going to be lots of fun festivities that weekend. Now we're here not to talk about fun festivities, but also to fantasy draft. Magical powers we wish we had. Magical powers

in your new book. Power's feature in the new book. Magical powers feature in this draft. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors. We play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Why don't you join in the rock paper scissors again? Every time I've played, including we did a draft today, which will come out later on in the month, I have lost every time.

I've only thrown rock paper scissors maybe 10 times in the whole podcast. I've lost every time. Statistically, unlikely. Do you want me to jump in this one? No, I was just curious. All right. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Ooh, cats.

Rock paper, scissors, shoot. Hey. And a clean win. Hot'at you boy. What was that? Was it on a scalp? I don't know. Yeah, sure.

What's the Adam's family hand? Yeah, the Adam's family hand. Yeah, what's his name? It. No. No, it's the hair. The thing. Cousin it.

Yeah, Cousin it was the hairy guy. Do what they want to. Do what they want to say. Live how they want to live, play how they want to play. What? That's the MC. MC Hammer Adam's family song. Now, it is, as the winner

isn't coming upon you to determine the order to the day, it's rap, before you do that, I will remind you as a serpentine wrap. And what is that? A great question. You put your lifesaver in. It's like watering a garden, I think. You spend some time over here, you water across,

spend all time over here, water back. Oh, yeah. I think that's how you do it. Or you can hook it up to that thing? This thing. The sprinkler. You guys, you guys don't. You guys got in.

I don't know if you guys have. You probably have. Were you guys ever sprinkler jumpers back in the day? Of course. I mean like in when I was a kid? Jews can't be sprinkler jump? No, why do you? Jews can't be because we're the only.

No, that's not what I thought at all. You said Jews can't jump sprinklers. I just, no, no, no. I just didn't think you guys were sprinkler jumpers. Okay. The Irish. You mean you guys. I was a fence jumper.

Jumpers makes everything sound fucked. I get that. Jumpers does make it sound bad. Jumpers eaters. These are all things you add. Yeah, eaters is a big one. Eaters is slurry. Yeah, yeah.

Eater's is very slurry. Much of bologna eaters. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Butter eaters? God damn apple jack eaters. What they say in Mighty Ducks?

The cake eaters for Mighty Ducks. But that's like a thing. That's like Rich kids, right? Ment, right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why I got loud. It might be a Marie Antoinette thing.

They're doing a Marie Antoinette reference in Mighty Dugs. Maybe. But it sounds like it means worse than rich, you know, where they're just like, of goddamn cake eaters. It sounds like there's something more bubble in there, you know? It's like, remember when people were mad that people were like using billionaire, like a slur and like billionaires got their feelings hurt?

Yeah. And it's like, well, you're a billionaire. You can't get your feelings. Crime you a river dickhead. Yeah. Anyway, Byron. You're just sitting right now. Yeah, it's the only billionaire.

I was so close to him. Basically, if you pick fourth in the first room, pick first and the second, and with that mind, what would the order of today's draft be? Dana, David, myself. I think the hot corner okay in the David Sean Ian going a horseshoe just for the well I guess it'll it'll okay I think magic powers is a very broad I thought so too oh yeah I kind of almost did it all the MCU not the movies the comic books okay I did some that I don't think have ever existed in a scenario yet I can't have been oh I like that way yeah I'm gonna get funky with it's gonna be pick up those snot rockets off the floor back But it's not raucous? Can I tell you about this? Yes, and I don't want to think about it again.

Let's move on. You want me to do it right here so you know what I'm talking about? No, I never want to think about it ever again. I'm actually mad that you did tell me. Dana Schwartz has the first. I've done it on hotels with no carpet, by the way. Oh, that's horrible. That's actually better.

That's better. Okay, first back. Well, nope. First, we've got to take a break. And we're going to take that break right now. We'll be right back with more all fancy everything. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now, we talk about it all the time.

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forward slash all fantasy. Get up to 60% off at babble.com forward slash all fantasy. Spelled B-A-B-B-B-E-L.com forward slash all fantasy. Rules and restrictions may apply. And we're back. Welcome back to All-Fa-Fa-E-E-E-R-Thing. The only podcast that has ever existed. I smeared around with my bare foot.

Okay, man. Buddy. Except for normal one. I know that you feel like it's going to like, I think you feel like it's going to go back around into charming. Yeah. It's not. It's just.

sucks. It just sucks. The one thing I've seen the Reddit turn on you for. I never thought it was charming. I know Adam would text me is like there's like four threads of people that are mad at you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they love you. I don't want to lie. They're like constantly like Sean's the greatest. I love Sean. I want to hug

Sean. I wish I lived in the world created by Sean's brain. Like that kind of. Yeah. And then this happened. Kind of a snotty little world. I don't know if you want to live there. Don't sleep on the floor in my little world. You sleep on the floor in the world you created? in your head?

I might sometimes. Better for my back. If I went back, yeah. You still have a bad back in your world. When I've been bad, I sleep on my dream floor. Can you imagine if this whole room

was a floor that I could sleep on? He's so sick. We got to elevate the bar for you. Dana, it's time for your first pick. Okay, my first pick for a magical power I wish I had is reading people's minds. Oh.

And I know people... Telepathy. Telepathy. And I know people... are always like, oh, do you want to know really what people think of you honestly? And the answer is, yes, I do. I really do. I think it would make my life easier and I think it would make my life better.

And especially in, like, the entertainment industry, you're pitching something. I want to know what they're thinking. Do you, okay, here's an interesting question. But I'll, I say, you're still pitching TV shows? I was going to say, do you stay in the entertainment industry if you have telepathy? Yeah, just read people's minds and get their pin number at the ATM. No, I'm not going to come a criminal. I like what I do.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's true. I wouldn't, it's not a lack of ability that is making me not a bank robber. Do you think now, Lex? You could be in the WNBA. You could just see what that you could read what they're going to do. I don't think anything. It'd be awesome.

You know all the plays. I don't know all the plays. I know all the plays. That's not what's keeping. You can do it. It's like six inches. All for the ability. Yeah.

But if you know where they're going, you go to go. No, no, no. It's also, it's also, like, a lot of that shit happens at the speed of thought. It's not like. There's a learning thing. I would be good at chess.

You know what I would be? I would be good at chess. Okay, there you go. That makes more sense. See, we got there. Do you think we? But I wouldn't be good at basketball. If I didn't bring up the WNBA, we wouldn't have got the chess.

You could be the WNBA. You could make, you could make 75 grand a year. Well, stuff. is changing. It's changing. It's changing. CBA. Shout out to Asia Wilson.

I would want to be a piece of collier. I would want to read mine. I would not in any circumstance want to play in the WNBA. That would not be fun for me. Could you shut it off? Yes. Okay. That's the caveat that I was wondering.

It wouldn't be like the Bruce Almighty or like what women want where it's like coming at you all the time. I want to be able to like turn it on. You could focus. Oh, turn it on, turn it off? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Because that matters. That's clutch. Because then sure. Yeah. Then I live my normal life. And then when I want it. Would you use it on me? Like, how often?

Oh, God. All the time? How would you know? I don't think I would use it on Laura. I wouldn't want to know. Really? Yeah, I don't know, man. You would never use it on your wife. Are you kidding me?

No. You would never use it on me? There are certain things. Unless I said, hey, do you want to go to watch Street Fighter 2? And then I'd use it real quick. You said, hey, Laura, should I chug this pint of hot? Turn it on real quick. I go, I heard a yes.

And she's like, yes, you're like. I really do feel like you could use it on me. And I wouldn't, our life, our life wouldn't be different. You're pretty up front. But there's times when you're like, you don't want to know what someone is thinking. But I do want to know. I do want to know. And that's why I choose mind reading.

Yeah? Yeah. Mind reading. You'd be so good at poker. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. Oh, poker, yeah. Poker and basketball.

Those are the two things with mind reading. Poker doesn't require the physical skills of basketball. That's a poker you play. I would not be better at sports in this scenario. Of course you. Why would you be? That's not what's holding people back. He's not knowing what the play is.

I'm going to go left. Ha ha! Oh, no need for natural ability. I'm besting you. They're going to run the Statue of Liberty. Now I will be left. I'll just hang out down here and I'll miss from over here. Do you think that the pro players know what's going on and that's why they're pro?

No, it's just me wanting to figure it out. I just think it would be tight to be able to read people's minds. that know what play they're going to be or I wouldn't help. Do you think in words or do you like, do you have a running, we've talked about this on here. Oh, this comes all like in a monologue. I don't have like a running voice in my head. I don't either. Yeah.

Ask you this. God bless you guys. It sounds great. Do you think of each individual letter or do you think of a word, you're texting and you think of the word as you're texting it? Yeah, the word. Do you think of every letter? That feels much slower.

When you're writing a word by hand, you think of each letter? Is that why you spoke home like that? You've done it. You've got it every episode. Because you misspelled come both ways. How does he spell him? Within the last month. How do you spell it?

Well, there's two ways to spell it. He's like, come here, but he's spelled a C-U-M. Oh, no. But then the other way, too. This is voiced-to-text. I do voice-the-text because I'm washed. And your voice-it-text is C-U-M? Yes, I'm texting that one more.

It depends on how I say it to my phone. Kuman. Hey, are you guys going to come over? Oh, yeah. No, I just, yeah, I wouldn't say I'm a slow text or writer, writer but I do think of every letter. Weird. And not the word.

No, I think I'm listening to a word. I feel like when you text text, it never fucks up. Yeah, it's, I... But then when you use voice to... My voice to text. You guys go to the washing

machine later? What? David, time for your first pick. Okay, I picked the powers of Forge and let me read it because it's like... Oh, you picked an exact guy. Yeah.

Who is Forge? So he's an MCU character. He had this really great love story. with Storm in the 80s. Yeah. He built this incredible house for, but this is what it is. Forges a mutant with superhuman,

intuitive talent for inventing mechanical devices, backed up by the ability to visually perceive mechanical energy and action. This power allows him to instinctively recognize the potential and functional uses of any machine or technological device in his visual range, a skill that combined with his natural intelligence, gives him the ability to conceive design and build highly advanced mechanical devices.

So it's like MacGyver powers. Basically. Yeah. It's not really magic. Is that not magic? That's just being, I guess being a smart engineer. But I'm not mechanically inclined at all. It's still me.

Yeah. I can't make any machine. I don't, I, you read that and I don't feel like I understand it. It's inventing machines that don't exist yet. I think he's good at MacGyvering, right? Yeah. But he'll be, we'll just be in here and you'll be like, man, I would really like a steak kicked at the perfect temperature.

And I'll make a suvete out of these two cameras. I see. I see. You just apparently understand it on such a basic level. And I can do it like just instantly. So now imagine you're dribbling down the court. There's five opponents. Actually, I do feel like because you'd have physics.

Yeah, and I make a new play. This would help even more. I invent an offense on the fly. I'm excited to find out what flavor that is. This is a mint, I think. Yeah, but there was something else on that. And there was something else on there. Do you have any machine off top that you would like to invent?

probably make myself taller they have stilts no no no no I want it to look real have you thought about that shin extending surgery I have Pedro Pascal material there are new videos that have updated everyone's views on that surgery I think

but it seems so painful now that was a wasabi flavored kit cap I don't yeah how is it all right how do you feel about that not bad they're interesting is it come out your nose no it's not real wasabi Not the way I like. Yeah.

I like when I get up on wasabi gets through the nose. Yeah. My late grandma, Olive Hohlem, when we first went to like a cook at your table restaurant, like a teppaniaki restaurant for the first time, she thought the was avocado and took the whole thing in the mouth. Oh, no. 80-year-old woman. And you would later fall asleep at the table at the table at a tepaniacrii restaurant.

Yeah, I was very sleepy. And he was doing the onion stuff and I just fell asleep. You said no more. I'm out. This lady can sleep. pertney or anywhere. You know why I like that power, that ability is because in our very computer world,

I feel like that's something you physically are doing in like making a thing. People aren't making things. And I feel like it's anywhere. I could be stranded on a desert island. It's like, the house that he built for storm, you got to see it visually and then you will get it. So you could use like a rock and a palm tree

and like a monkey to build like an airplane? Yeah, I could get home. I'll never be strong. That is a good, that's a good power. Yeah, that is good. But also, it's just like... But is there a magic element? I'm not trying, it's a pick.

It's on the board. Does he have, like, magical abilities, or is he just, like, crazy smart? I mean, he's a mutant. I don't know. Okay, yeah. It's shown as, like, he can just do it. Yeah.

But it's not like I went to school to... Because that's not, like, intuitive shit. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You're stripping down other machines. That's not like... Yeah. You just know it.

Anything you see, you know what it. Made Evan Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you turn Isaac into an ice cream machine? Easy. Easy. What hole do you want

the soft serve? Choose wisely. A man's life is on the ice. He's aren't. You're cold enough. I'm already very cold. You can throw my flannel on over your jacket if you want. I am going to take you up on it.

Yeah, yeah. You can have my Gooners jacket. It's a warm one. Oh, yeah. Chili over there. Isaac's got the AC cranking down on. By Gooners, he means Arsenal. Not that.

Jacket that David puts on the jacket. That would be, not David's, not David's, this is my Gooning jacket. I have been using gooners since I found out that, that's what they call them says. It's very funny. Sean, time for your first pick. We'll get a little more creative on the later ones,

but I want to be able to exist underwater. I want to be able to go. Breathe underwater and see underwater. I. So built in goggles and gills. I could not disagree with you more because it's not like you're not going to get eaten, eaten by a big fish down there.

I mean, if you... There's bad stuff down there. I'm going to find all of it. I'm going to find the people is what I'm going to do. I'm going to bring one up to the surface. You've heard about this? What? Have you heard about this?

Were you here one? I think you were actually here the first time we talked about it. Yeah. Yeah. Where he thinks... I don't see why there can't be people that live at the bottom. Don't say the pressure. Don't say the pressure.

I'm saying you know there's animals at the bottom. Yeah. You think they're human beings? I'm going to make one journey. down there. I'm going to prove it. And then I'm going to come back and then I'll kind of hang out by the coral reefs most of the time. Don't come back too fast. Even I do eventually have to get home to our nanny, but I will talk about this later.

Oh yeah. I got you backed in a quarter here. You can't give me too much shit. Yeah. I would just love to be able to just, you know, breathe and see underwater. You could do it everywhere. Yeah. It'd be awesome. Yeah, all time snorkeling. Yeah, you could free float. I could go down the river. It'd just be so fun. That would be cool. The snorkeling part. I just don't want to go too far out. It'll be cool to see stuff, but like there is a limited utility to this probably. Like what could you really use it for? This is just for fun.

You could be a minesweeper? No, things. Yeah, I'm saying like bury treasure. Oh, very treasure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, these animals, like, I don't think, like, sharks get a bad rap, there's not a lot of animals that are seeking out people to kill them. It could happen, but it's like me stumbling across a lion or something. I mean, in the vastness of the ocean, stumbling across an animal that's going to actually come get me and kill them.

me? A better swimmer in this? Or are you still you? You can just breathe and see. I could, I think I could get, I think I should be able to have that in that. Uncle Man? I'm a decent swimmer. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Well, that's different though, because then I can manipulate water and I don't know if I get that with this. Okay. Okay. With this, what, you could go like find old sunken pirate chips. You know what I could do. I could be a drug runner. Also, oh, there we go. Now we're talking about that. Yeah. Now you're going under the frog. Heroin. Yeah. I go get some heroin in Senaloa. Yeah. And then I I walk it.

Well, that's in the... That's, yeah. I don't swim it. I walk it. Okay. Then I just pop up in San Diego. But you're like, please don't send me to jail. I can breathe under water.

A skill that would not help you get out of jail. Yeah, pretty God, they don't have human-sized toilets in there because I'll go right down there and breathe. Because pee counts. I can breathe a submerged in pee. Oh, no. Is there oxygen and pee? Probably not.

Yeah, it's mostly water. Okay. Probably. So H2O, yeah. If you could breathe in this, if you could breathe underwater, you could breathe in pee, I think. Lucky me. Bonus. My first.

Bonus superpower. I'm going to take. Breathing peevee is already taken. Yeah. Breathing peevee is already taken. It's just because it's the first round and I have to go with like first round talent. I'm going to take fly. Yeah.

Fly's good. Yeah. What's your top speed? This is a good. I think. Are you plane fast or bird fast? Oh, you wouldn't want to be plane fast. That would fuck you.

up, right? Yeah, that's the question. You can already fly. We're already, so it's like, we're taking planes go about 500 miles an hour. You're right. Superman can go as fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's just a wind- It's so wind-burnt, right? But I guess in this you're protected from the wind. Yeah, you can fly. You'd look like we're getting bogged down and weird shoot. You'd have the raccoon eyes like you have snowboard goggles on?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what? I can fly super fast, but my skin's not adapted, so I have to have a cool suit. I have to have like a leather like And I mean, I think you can get that sponsored. Yeah. People find out you can fly.

Oakley. Somebody's going to, yeah. Do you know how much money I'm getting out of Oakley every year? Red Bull. Red Bull. You're flying in Thumps. Red Bull. Red Bull gave you wings.

Oakley. Get some balance. New bow speakers on there. Some boats. Yeah. Target. Yeah. Whatever movie's coming out.

Yeah. Oh, man. The drama, A24 presents the drama on my cape. I'm just flying around L.A. You do have a cable. I like that movie. I don't think I got to see it again. Yeah, you saw it, right?

I'm interested in it. I wanted to see it. You said no way. I floated it. You said no interest. I was not interested. But I didn't say you can't go see it. I'm just saying I floated it. It's worth it to see. Flying is good because you do hate LA traffic. I do. Oh, my God. Oh, you're the one. What's the benefit of a Kate, by the way? What's the cave do for you? It's a great one too. What does it do? You cut me down with.

Okay, you're the one. And I didn't even say it, Dana did. Second of all, you're questioning my cape. You don't question everyone's cape. You get very frustrated with traffic. You look good in the cape. I think it's just style. Yeah, I don't. There's no drag.

It's just. I think it makes it worse. I think there's more drag. And it's on your neck, which doesn't feel great. Mine is hooked on my shoulder. If you... Yeah, Superman's a hook to his shoulder. If you can't fly, a cape is silly.

If you can fly, the playbook really opens up in a lot of ways. You can sweep it. I can wear leather pants. Would you be using, is it like a spawn cape? Would you be using it for stuff? If you need to change at the beach. I will say to anyone listening, do not change in a cape at a beach without this power. That dance of like, if you ever wrapped a towel around and just change it, it's probably harder for a woman, I imagine.

But like you wrap a towel around your waist and change. And if the towel falls for a second, you're completely naked. I went to girls camp. We got very good at the changing under a big t-shirt. Okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to take walk through walls with my second. Oh, Kitty Pride. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What walls do you want to walk through that there aren't doors? All walls I can walk through. So there's not a prison that can contain?

Oh, wow. Oh, baby, the people too. I'm not even challenging. And also, whatever I'm holding comes with me. Yeah, that's a good one. And it flows. It becomes with me. Oh, yeah, you've got to leave the mall real fast

because you have to poop your pants. You like Kitty Pride. Kitty Pride can do Elliot Page in the X-Men movies. I didn't just fucking say that, did I? Why'd you say it in here. I said Kitty Pride. Oh, did you really?

And he pointed out, he said poop your pants and then waved at you. Yeah, I was trying to have fun. So you got double-dust. Oh, Kitty Pride? Mm-hmm. Pride-a-wits. How many Jewish? Pride-Sol.

Who are you all Jewish in the MCU? Magneto? Magneto. You know what? This is not the MCU. I mean, as it is with the cinematic universe because he's Sony, but there's a theory that Peter Parker is Jewish-coated. Peter Parker's Jewish-coated. Okay.

Superman. Queens. Queens. sort of a nice boy. Yeah, loves his granny. Yeah. The thing. Yeah. Ben.

What's Ben's that name? No, Ben is the thing. Ben Grim. Oh, Grim. I'm saying, this is my nice boy Benji. Yeah. He's a Jewish boy. Moon Knight.

There's also Superman. Because it is so New York. Superman is very Jewish coded. Yeah. He was invented by Jews. Jewish coded. He's not from Kansas. He landed on Kansas.

His family's from Kansas. He's from a story. His family. He's from Bensonhurst. He moved to Kansas. What's the first wall you're walking through? Yeah, that's, I guess I was more curious how it's... The fourth wall.

Bro. You could... You could... The camera lenses of wall so you can just walk through it. You're the fourth wall. In the audience? Bertolt Brecht. Is it Bertolt Brecht?

Brecht? I was just going to say, that's crazy. Burntole breakfast. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. For one. I read that in one of those books. It's good that no prison can hold you. No prison can hold me.

I would walk through. I would like steal stuff from stores. You could walk distances as the crow flies. I could just go straight. It's a mile for me. Yeah. It's just straight up a mile. And if it's houses, hi, bye, hey.

And you were going to say, and if it's like whatever you're holding, you're riding a bike through. Yeah. Or you're driving a car through. Interesting. Right. That's interesting. That's how that goes. I feel like the bike for sure because it's between my legs.

Car's too much. I don't know because you're in the car. Okay. Magic power. Yeah. Bike is, but that's awesome. And then if you're arrested for trespassing again, we go back to no prison can hold you. Yeah.

Because also you can breathe in the piss. I'm holding your hand, helping you piss breathe. Breathe in the piss. But you're like super easy to arrest. So they're just waiting for you out there like handcuffs on a thing. We got it surrounded. How does groundwork in this scenario? Do I just think through it?

You said walls. Walls. Okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bridge works still. I think vertical. You just fall through any cement to your shins. Chip.

Or maybe you can turn it on and off. So if you want to go through the floor, you're like, beep, bye. Or you're like halfway? Yeah, that's fine. That would be fun. Yeah. Bye.

Yeah. So I can walk through walls. Isn't there an episode of Wonder Man? No, people can walk through him. People can walk through Wonder Man? In the Wonder Man, it's Byron, Byron, but people could walk through and he's on a point.

Oh, all right. Anyways. Sean, time for your second pick. I'm going to go. I'm going to go teleportation. Yeah. That's a really good one. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to go to Minsk real quick. Bam, bam, bam. I'm already back. Go to where? Minsk. What are you doing to Minsk? I don't even know if that's how you say it. Is that I say it?

Yeah. Go and check it out. What country do you think Minsk is in? Give me no hints. Uh Isaac give me no hints I don't have a hint to give you brother Austria

Did none of you watch Austria? Not an Austria Do you think it's in Austria? Not anymore From the way you I got to tell you From the way you just said Austria

I do not think it is in Austria I gotta be honest Digger back, dig it back, dig it back No I do not think that anymore Austria Where's minutes It's where I don't think it is Can we just list the countries

Where I don't think it is Until I and you say every country back to me Lebanon China Brazil Could be a country for all I know Capital Belarus

Oh Don't know where Belarus is In France I learned about Minsk When I was probably like 10 just because Only because Hank Azaria's character

And Friends goes there I learned about it from Seinfeld Rochelle Oh yeah From Belong Amazaria and Seinfeld ever? No

He was on Friends though Feeingek Hank Azari was in Seinfeld Wasn't he? Was he? I feel like

Hank Azera popped up a lot Yeah, he was a real sick of a guy who can pop up all the places. He's popping up. And he race apparently. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He didn't him do whatever he wants.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He really, that guy, that guy. Along came Polly. He's like me in the house. Can you carry stuff? Bahamian. Yeah, I think I can. I think the wall rule should apply.

Yeah. Yeah. Like if I want to go get you like a really nice pastry from Paris or something. Oh, thank you. You don't have to be able to see it. So how, let's say you're like teleporting from here to Paris. I'm going to squish the pastry in front of your face. How are you sure.

that you're not materializing inside a wall or on where a person is. Do you have to have exact coordinates? I think in the rules of this draft because it's magic, you have to like, and you're protected. Like you get like a bubble of protection. I think, do they? What if you have to look at like a picture? Because what if like a car hits you right then?

Well, sure. Yeah. What if? That's bad. What if? That'd be bad. This introduces you have to like scout out. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd probably just, I guess maybe I'd have a place where I thought I was in the middle of a mall. Yeah. You could be like the lobby of the Ritz and you're like pretty sure you'll be safe there. But there's a lot of people there. So now you have to pick like that park, you know, you're going to like a park somewhere, Paralachet Cemetery. Yeah.

In a bathroom stall. And just hope no one's pooping. And if they are, sorry I freaked you out. Yeah. I was like, did any of you read the time traveler's wife? Yeah. Yeah. It's just like a random, it's a really random memory half.

I really did. Yeah. He had to worry about it because he. He'd come naked. He would come naked in a random place. And it was in Chicago, so he'd cold a lot of the time. And I remember he was really worried about losing his feet. Because he was like, if I lose my feet, I have to be able to run.

He also read a lot of books. I really liked in that book. Terrible movie. I never saw the movie. But I liked the book, but I liked that she was like worrying about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

So, you know, I just think that's some element you should, when you develop this ability. Sure. Keep that in mind. I don't want you teleporting somewhere that's going to hurt. I could just do it at restaurants and stuff. Like go to a restaurant. You'd have to go to the bathroom and then I teleport to a different table. Hey, over here, brother. You're all right? Where's my Shirley Temple? Just teleport to the back and be like, so you're not making my drinks right now. You could teleport to another table, take half their sandwich, and teleport back to yours. Ten feet away and be like, uh-huh, uh-huh. The game is afoot. Used to be yours now as mine.

we're using this for unambitious things. I'm not trying to change the world. Also, do we get them all? Like, am I at the end of this? Am I somebody with five powers? Maybe. Tight. I never even thought about that.

I don't want to feel pain. Oh. But that would fuck you up. I think it would make me make some wilder decisions. Yeah. You're like Novakane. There's that movie. Well, yeah.

That movie that came out like this year or last year? Oh, you haven't seen it. What's the name? There was an episode of House where it's a girl. A girl. She couldn't feel pain. She couldn't feel pain. She, like, put her hand on the stove and stuff.

I mean, because I'd still have all the cues from life. Yeah, you're an adult at this point. Yeah, I'm me. I just don't feel pain. But, like, man, I think I would, I would do a lot. I would test the limits of my physical. Do you feel sensations? So if, like, a badger hooked onto your, like, calf as you were out walking,

would you feel a pressure? Yeah. I know. I know. But not the pain. But I still want to have sex and stuff. You can feel pleasure for sure. Yeah.

You just can't feel pain. The badgers there. How do you know there's a badger on your leg? Well, it's like you know you're getting a feeling. Yeah, do you feel emotional pain? Yeah, you're like an emotionless robot now. Yeah, do emotional, do the emotion still hurt? I think I'm still keyed into my emotions.

Okay. But just like. As many badgers are. Wait until you cut your form of the butterfly Yeah, but what if there's like 15 badgers on your legs? Are they breaking up with me? No. Are they trying to keep me in this house as I'm leaving?

Because then I otherwise... David, our finances are intertwined. You can't leave. I'd run through a wall, hook a badger to your leg, and run out. I'd fear no man. I think is a lot of where this comes. And I'd be standing in the ocean like... Yeah.

Yeah, whatever. Would you still take damage? Yeah, I'd still take damage. Yeah. It's still take damage. Because pain in many ways is there. What does that mean? What does take damage mean? To let you know.

Let you know you're being damaged. I'd still get hurt. I'm not indestructible. Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't feel it. So you'd be susceptible to a badger word. It would be almost better if this, since this is like magic,

you could turn it on and off. Yeah, that's fair. You know what? Because it's like sometimes you might want it to know, to check in. Yeah. We can't give that condition to every power. Sometimes a little pain is pleasure. Yeah.

I'm just trying to You haven't had it in such a long time I want it to hurt a little bit I get it I'm sick of you dump with the wax on an arm Talking about some stuff Wax arm Getting silly

Okay that's time for your second and third pick Second pick I would pick an animal familiar Oh yeah Like what's that like the demons Yeah like from bone compass Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just now have a falcon and I'm like, Gustavo, and he like flies to me. Would yours be a falcon?

It could be any, I don't. Does it? I don't. In my version of a familiar. And this is not canon from anywhere. You want the familiar to match you in a way. Well, that's why you're saying. You're like, would yours be a falcon?

I don't know. I don't know what my familiar would be. Do you think you give off falcon energy? Do I not give off falcon energy? Do you think you do? No, I give off like a hedgehog energy. No, you don't give off hedgehog energy. No, you don't give off a hedgehog energy.

energy. What energy do I give off? Not Falcon necessarily. I think like a really cool looking owl would work for you. Even though you don't, even though you go to bed, but that's what's good about the owl. The owl stays up. Keeps abreast. You're on opposite schedules. Yeah. I don't know.

Is it a companion? It's awake all the time. Yeah, it's got to stay up. Yeah. Okay. I think as a kid you read a lot of like fantasy books and they all have like an animal. He's like smart and like in tune. A familiar is like, it has you're on the same wavelength always. Yeah.

So, yeah, it would find me. This is a magical scenario, and I would have my animal familiar. And we'd go on adventures. Maybe like a mink. And you guys can talk to each other, right? Yeah, we don't like, I don't speak the animal, but we're communicating. Mine's a cow. You walk faster than it, though.

Yeah, that's a, I got to wait. Like, what about when you got to go for a while? You can ride the cow? Just chew and cud. Cow or off. Is it like a babe situation? I would really be a cow. I think you would have a monkey.

What? Like smart and fun? Oh, thank you. Like funny? Yeah. I never pictured myself as somebody with a monkey. A little monkey hanging out on your right shoulder. Well, you want it to be the opposite of what you are.

Mine would be our cat eddy. Gotcha. Get out of here. You don't think you would have like an Aladdin monkey? Maybe an Aladdin monkey. Hello. What was that sound? I might have a cat.

A cat. Yeah, you could have a cat. A cat or a bird. What kind of familiar is what do you guys have? Yeah. I want something in the water. I like snakes a lot. Like a manatee.

Like a python? like a gigantic anaconda would be type snakes rule maybe I've got to the snake guy I've always been a snake guy I just don't have any snakes It's been in front of us the whole time

Have you ever had a snake? No I had a grip of frogs The tag in the day How many is it grit? I had six Whoa it once What How do you keep

How do you keep surprising us? Especially with animals. You know, such a life. When did you have six frogs? At the once? Yeah, I caught, I was... We were in an apartment, so...

You had six frogs in an apartment? Mm-hmm. It was probably 11. Okay. What'd you feed them? Frog would be a good familiar because I could sneak into... I don't think I kept them swimming in the best food.

I'd probably... We went to the bed store, frog food, whatever that is. Yeah. I don't know. What would your familiar be doing? I mean, I think I'd like Water would be impractical, I guess. I'd like some like sleek and sexy like a panther.

Yeah, that'd be cool. I'd like a raven. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. Raven, yeah. They're like, people think they're very like goth and dark because of Edgar Allen Poe, but they're actually like funny birds.

Yeah, they're smart and smart. Yeah. They're smart and funny. They're like old tricksters. They give people presents. I'm a gift giver. Yeah, yeah. Ravens can talk for real.

Ravens can talk like parrots. Yeah. I'm going with either a raven or a parrot. Yeah, well, you're not going with anything because I took this in the draft. You don't get it. And what's your third pick? Oh, hold on. Hold on.

Marriage doesn't come into play. Stop time. Oh, stop time's good. That's a good one. So is this like a click or this you just stop time? It's not the click, the Adam Sandler movie, that is bad. Okay. That had like, because that had like all these asterisks and it ruined his life.

This is not going to ruin my life. It's what happens with the monkeys paw. Okay. This one is not a monkey's paw. This is just perfect. He fast forwarded through stuff, right? He skipped his whole life. Stop.

Also, you know what? You know what the movie clicked did? That's kind of unfair? It got stuck. Uh-huh. And you're like, well, that, you're, you know. Yeah, technology's not even doing that anymore. You're going, Zach Morris, time out.

Time out. Time out. I'm doing what I want. I'm working. I'm reading a book. I'm working out. That will help with the WNBA. You know what it would.

That would have you been waiting as well as we're. One of these superpowers is going to get you in the WMD. We're like, no pain wouldn't really hurt or help. Unless they help them like just lift weights to the point. Right. You push through like Arnold. Yeah. Stop time.

I think it would just, it would make my life better in a lot of them. Oh, man. You're always on your own time. Because you could stop time, but you're still driving your car. Does your, but all the cars would be stopped. Oh, I guess a good. But also something could start and be going terribly and you could stop and then figure out how

you're going to get out of another jam. I am not aging. So let's say you want to, okay, you want to learn something like Groundhog's Dayette. Yeah. You want to learn how to play piano. Yeah. And just surprise Ian one time. So you just stop time for a couple years.

Yeah. Learn how to play piano on your own accord. You can live infinitely in the time stop. Yeah. It's about time rules where you don't age. Can you move stuff? Like if you stop time, can you still drink something? Yeah.

That's icy. And so it's like I stopped time. It's moved over here. And then it comes back and you're like, whoa, that's right. Nobody would stop him from drinking a pinecloth. possible hot sauce. Then you're across the restaurant

with my sandwich. That's it. You teleported, but I stopped time, took the sandwich, ate it, and now what are you going to do? We're getting in

superpower wars over here. David, time for your third pick. I want a mystique it. Yeah. You can do it. Shape shift. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think I could get up to some shenanigans. I'd have people you not expecting in places you didn't think they could go. WNBA.

Why would that? Oh, you could be the best WNBA player. You could be But I wouldn't get, I'd still be like me, I think. But you can make yourself really tall. But I'm not that good at basketball.

Your basketball, like, cute. I don't think you get their brain, but you get their body muscles. As I've learned from asking, Ian, if you're tall enough, you only have to be a little good at basketball. The taller you are, the less good you have to be. Yeah. I'll stop trying to make that happen, but that was just, I thought it would go there. So I think in theory, you could make yourself. You're like 7-7-7.

If you're Victor Wembenyama, you wouldn't have to. have to be that. Big shin surgery. For the WNBA? Victoria Wambayama. Like that Chinese woman? Yeah. Sure.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I do. I don't know her name. Okay, but you know what I'm... Yeah, I know. Yeah. I was like worried that that was like... I was worried I got A-Ied or something.

Like, I was like, did I really see that? I recommended someone on a mailbag one time. I forget it was an AI artist, an AI R&B artist. I got so hard. Yeah. Yeah. Now you go to prison. That's the end of that.

Would you use it here on this podcast? Because I imagine we're still doing this podcast. We're like John Malkovich just walks in one day. Brother, we'd have the best guest lineup ever. I'd be sick a lot. David's in Bolivia. But today? God, I can't believe I was sick when Bismarkey came back from the dead to be on a podcast.

We got to toothpaste flavors. I bet that was awesome. With Bismarkey. Oh, man. Did you just make yourself look a little bit hotter? I think that's what I would do. Is that a bad? Is that a, is that it?

I would do that. I would do that exact same thing. Why? Here's the thing. You can't just pick up. You can't be you. If I could be, yeah, if I could be anybody,

then I have to really triple down on being me. Wait, wait. Is Mystique only, you can only be a specific person? Yeah. Just change your pants a little bit. Yeah. Because her, I think the monkey's pot for her is that she, she looked so crazy.

Yeah. Herself. But you need to have an exit. You can't just like. Oh, you're making her mistake. And no one's hotter than you. So you're stuck. Well, thank you, very, like, sad thing

where it's like, you know, I just want to, be like a little bit taller. Yeah. A little bit. Oh, change my eyes, just a little bit.

I wish I was a baller. But you can't do that. Okay. But I could just be Walton Gagins for a week. Yeah, that would be great. Wow, what a lot of life.

Just go to Santa Fe. That's a lot of fun. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. Yeah, but then you get trapped because you didn't know you have to film like 10 sprint commercials that week. Well,

you know, it would be where I'm at. So we'd just be like. You just go to Taos. Yeah, like Rancho Cucamongo. Also, if he doesn't, isn't doing the commercials.

It's Walton who has to deal with the consequences of that. That's the other thing. Now, Walton's the guy who got in trouble at a Texas roadhouse for buying everybody dinner or whatever.

Walt got in trouble for putting a straw directly in the ranch dressing at the salad bar. Walton got caught at a cock fight. Not me. That's a great pick.

Yeah, I think it would be a lot of fun. Sean Temperer third. I'd also take this administration down. I was going to say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, he's already, I don't know if that

He's already saying crazy shit. You'd have to walk yourself off a clip. Donald Trump? Yeah. Maybe it is. Oh, well, you're right. It's not that crazy. It's time to get to Sean's.

It's dangerous to do those kind of jokes when the episodes aren't coming out for a couple weeks because God only knows what will be happening. Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to get political. Redact it. Make it sound like just Sean said it. Isaac? That's fine with me.

We're going to get to Sean's fit. My tummy. My tummy. We'll be right back. And we're back with more all fantasy and everything and it's time for Sean's third pick. Necromancy. I want to commune with the dead. You want to have sex with the dead?

No, it's not sex. It's commune. I want to be able to commune with the dead. What do you want to commune? Do you can just talk with them? I just be an awesome, amazing power. Can you summon them? I can summon them.

I don't think I can use them for evil, but I can summon them. And just to chat with them. Yeah, I think so. But I could also chat with the spirits. I could help you chat with the spirits. I could like be an actual... You're like a Long Island medium. Yeah, I can be like an actual medium.

I'm a Long Island, double X-O. Yeah. And then I also know there's an afterlife, which is soothing, depending on how you think about long-term situation. What if they tell you there's not? How could they tell me that if they're dead? They're like, yo, there's no... I've just been nowhere.

You've got to be somewhere. I was in a battlefield and then Axe got put in my head and then nothing, and now I'm here talking to you. Then I'd talk to them a bunch. I'd be able to look at us now. We're doing stuff. I'd summon them to the Super Bowl. what you're doing now

is he just a random guy? You have to get Super Bowl tickets though with this now. Is there a specific dead person you want to commune with? It's summon Roger Stauback if he's,

is he dead? I have no idea. I'd summon a dead football player and demand free Super Bowl tickets. Walter Payton. I was going to say was there a specific

dead person you want to commune with or just in general. I'd probably holler at pops for a minute. I knew that that's where this was going to go and I was going to get bummed out. I knew it as soon as he picked it. God damn it.

It'd be so. if I was like, I'd probably skip my dad and talk to some other people. Yeah, I'd tell her dad, you know. Yeah. Say, what's up? Sorry, I was looking at you for a second, and then I saw Isaac blowing a kiss outside of the window. Oh, that's Marissa.

Yeah. At our former producer, Marissa. I thought my dad was out there for a second. I'd just be bucked to be able to talk, you know, see what it's like. Talk to people who were, like, around when Jesus was around, or like, the first people. You could talk to, talk to, talk to, you. Jesus. Well, if you speak

You guys can't necrotancy. Do you speak those languages or is he like? Oh, that's a good question. I think I get to communicate on it. You get to communicate on it, your own way of length. Okay, okay. Great, great. I would love to talk to a historical figure.

Is that would be fun. Yeah. Show them what an iPhone is. Oh. I was yawning. Yeah. Commune with the dead. Necromancy.

That's a good power. Not sex, though. Say necromancy. It's a good power. Not necrophilia. Necromatry. Yes. I actually.

I actually pitched the title. Well, it wouldn't be devoid of romance. The original title of Anatomy a Love Story, peek behind the curtain, was necromance, and they were like, that's not a good title. Because people think it's boning and it's not. It's communing. I think because it's like a YA novel.

Did you get here because you looked up necromancy for another reason? Theoretical names of ICP's greatest hits album. Chat, GPT, make me a fake. ICP album. I was writing a sitcom called Necronancy. The nanny's dead, but she still takes care of the house. I'm going to take the ability to turn into any animal. That's cool.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it would be really fun. I could, like, you know, you could turn into a mouse and then sneak through a little hole and then turn into a bear and scare the security guard. And then turn into a bird and fly away. So you kind of get your first pick with that too. Yeah.

Right? Like you can fly. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get fly. Yeah. You get Sean's pick because you could breathe under. water. And kind of walk through walls, like mice.

You can scurry. When you turn back into a person, do you get your clothes back or are you naked? In this scenario, I'm not the kind of guy who needs to wear clothes anymore. I'm mostly an animal. Yeah, because I'm like, hey, put a shirt on. I'm like, well, I'm a fucking tuna fish now. It's just the middle of the mall. Now what?

I forgot a shirt. I'm a tuna fish. Now what? This is a good one because I always thought it was sad. Did you ever eat animorphs? Yeah. You only get one animal. Yeah.

You get all animals. You get all the animals. Yeah. You get like a beard. Yeah. Yeah. All right. And I'm just like, I'm just, see what it's like to be a, yeah, be preferred.

I'll be a bad, I'll be a badger and bite David on the leg, whatever. Yeah, I don't feel it. No. There's no idea what's going on. One of those tiny, the tiniest animal, they look like their circles of teeth. Oh, yeah, yeah, the little, uh. They're like. They start with a tea, tell them to, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Oh, you'd be one of those. They look like buttholes with teeth. They're like little, little mite. Like a lampreys? Oh, I don't know. You want to do that? It's the smallest living thing? Yes.

I'll look it up. And it looks insane. I just want to see what they're feeling. They look like small worms from Dune. Mm-hmm. Yes, they look like the little sandworm things. Mycoplasma. No.

Smallest animal. It's something. It does start with a tea. It's not good podcasting right now. There's a frog. No. Not something I had six of. Pulex.

No. I know what you're talking about, though. I'll look it up. The smallest primate is Madame Bertha's mouse lemur. Madame Bertha. Madame Bertha's actually happening. You say mouth lemur? Mouse leamer?

My mouth lemur? Don't turn into a mouth lemur. It's Madame Bertha's mouse lemur. Who is Madame Bertha? Is that who discovered it? I'm sorry, but that's her name. I'm going to look this up. Madame Bertha's mouse lemur.

They live in the Kirin de forest. Which is... In Madagascar. Okay. Where the lemurs live. Is King Julian in Madame Bertha? No, there's a lot of. little. Oh, wow.

I want to see, like, how small they are. I wish there were something for context. They're really little, I think. Because they're the smallest primate. Oh, what cute this is. I like that. You could turn into the damn birth is... I could turn into Mademort's Mouselam.

That's what I'd be most of the time, I think. Is Mvatham Mouth Slema. I'd be a sugar glider a lot. That's good. Yeah. It's this thing. Oh, it's hard a grade. Tardigrade.

Oh, I hate those. They look like a little living space. Little butthole tanks, dude. This is just so gnarly. They do look like a little butthole tanks. Look at that. You think he's happy that you fucked his order up? No.

Or she. Isaac, is this a guy or girl? It's a they-them situation, really. Or she? It's full of pickles. Oh, that's the order. Are you crying? That's the best.

Or she? This is the third one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to take, like, I'm calling this to Mega Man, but I don't need to be able to defeat someone. I want to be able to absorb anyone's skill and talent just by touching them. Do they still have it or do you take it? They still have it.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, who had that? Sheng's son kind of, right? Yeah. Rogue has a little bit of that. Doesn't she hurt people when she touches them?

It hurts her, I think. She heals. Or if someone's injured. Or if both of them, it fucks them or something? I thought she would, like, fuck people up. If someone, she would, like, if she touched them up. With her ungloved hands. That's why she can't be in love.

Yeah. Yeah. So I don't have that. I just could be like, I could do that. Now I can skateboard. You know what I mean? For how long? For a time limit on it.

Okay, if we put a time limit on, I'm going to say, let's say 24 hours. That's good. Yeah, 24 hours I can do that thing. Yeah. So you go touch. You have to find, you have to like find the person and physically touch them. So you do that like that Rihanna meet and greet and then change the game one. Oh, no.

Rihanna. Oh, yeah. If you sang like Rihanna, it would blow the internet apart. Come a rude boy, boy, can you get it up? It would. Like, if you sang exactly. like Ria, no one could handle it. I'm just four or five seconds from Wylan.

Yeah. Yeah. You can call people and be like, this is Rian. Hey, it's Rihanna. Hey, it's Rie. I think you have to say, Robin. Oh, yeah, it's Robin. It's Robin Fenty.

Yeah, I think you'd have to say Robin. Hey, do you guys want any Fenty Savage? I got Dana some. Oh, yeah, you got me a zip-up. Yeah, somewhere. Somewhere. Somewhere. Somewhere.

They're always advertising underwear to me. You have some. Fenty Savage underwear. I mean, I have thought about purchasing some. Me too. Let's go in on some. Let's go in on some. This is not the first time the two of you have talked about this.

Yeah. Probably not. I think I have some fenty eyes shadow. Okay, you like it? I don't really wear a ton of makeup. Okay. I mean, she's a billionaire. She's a billionaire.

I think people, I always buy things where I'm like, oh, now I'll become someone who has the energy to put on eye shadow every day. But I do it like twice a year. That's how I feel about the Fenty Savage underwear. Yeah. It's complicated. You got to put it on over your head. Sean, time for your fourth pick? This is fourth already, huh?

I want to be able to This is just for me This is a domesticated one I want to be able to control all plant life Oh that's cool Yeah that's cool To never have to pick weeds ever again Out of my yard or any sort of

Rocks that we have in our yard I want to just make those weeds disappear I want to be able to grow trees grow bushes Whatever I feel like the backyard looking like Fruit vegetables Yeah I could have a lime tree back there one day. I want to make key lime pie.

Use real limes for key lime pie? Yeah, I just go back there, Laura. I'll handle the limes. Hard to see how this gets into the WNBA. I'll have a basketball tree. And I can train as much as I need. My basketball tree. I'll make myself a grass basketball court.

It's just for that. Vines, you could swing one vines, very Tarzan style. Oh, yeah. I could like go to the jungle and have the trees lift me up. I mean, it'd be, I could really, Lord of the Rings. brings two towers it, where I could just have some trees start moving. If you could do that, you could kind of fix greenhouse gases because you could just like bring all the plants back.

Yeah, you could fix us all. Yeah. You could save us, Sean. Yeah. Or you could condemn us the hell. You could add, you know what you could do? What? Because I care about the communities.

You could add shade in communities. I could. Those parks with not one tree to be found in LA. In LA, yeah. Oh my gosh. Just a gigantic trash parks. Just a big, nice, weeping, quills. tree in the middle of all these parks.

There's some nice ones in Pasadena. I went to one this last weekend. A friend's birthday party. Friends' kids' birthday party. Some nice climbing trees. You're not friends with the kid? No. No.

I do you like him. How do you feel about that? If you know a kid and you like the kid, but like, like Max and I aren't friends, she likes you a lot. I like her a lot too, but I wouldn't say we're,

I wouldn't call that friend. You don't hit her up without talking to Sean. Yeah. Bitter, bitter rivals. You're like, hey, I wouldn't hear her up without Sean, I guess. She's getting to friendship level. I'm starting to feel like I'm kicking it with someone when we're out. I'm more just asking, I just don't know what you call that.

Yeah, I start, it's like, I'm starting to feel like she's my friend a little bit. I talk to her. She's got to him well better be. Yeah, you spend the most time with her. I do spend a lot of time with her. That's not what I heard. Unless I'm on a cruise in Mazatlan and Sinoloa and Puerto Vallata. I was close.

The cartel. Seneca. Sinacosa. Sina scary, I'll tell you that. trees bro and instead of cutting trees down ever I just uproot it and move it to where it didn't need to be cut down we have a tree that we might have to get rid of

and that's a big bummer to like know that you're doing that because it's like starting to get in the foundation of the crib yeah I don't what's been a hundred years it's been there really? Yeah damn cool yeah anyway plant life dog

you think your house is more important than that I'd come I'd fly down here without you guys know and I'd shrink all your houseplants. Don't do it. Damn, I swear we had a letter to. Raise my shit up. Raise me up, David. Oh, storm.

I'd like to control the weather. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Globally but and locally. Yeah. That will get you a headlining spot at Coachella. Globally and locally. So like, you know, I wake up.

I want it to be sunny or I have a bad mood and I want it to be rainy. Or the crops need some shit in Iowa. Like, you know. You work in conjunctual. There's not enough. She should work together. Yeah. We touch hands.

Global temperature. Yeah. We have to do it, but then we could. It's all right. It's for the greater good. Yeah, to save the world? Yeah, we have to do it. We have to do it.

And then we can figure out what the plants need. It's so funny calling it doing it. And then all of a sudden there's a manatee in the world. We're both like, you see Ian over there, right? No. Ian walks through the wall. Oh, sorry, guys. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

We're on the road somewhere like in D.C. He's just walking through everyone's room. Yeah, controlling the weather. Controling the weather would be great. Would you ever to like, for petty reasons, make it like blizzard on someone's picnic? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.

Yeah, I'd also use it to make myself fly, I feel like. Yeah. With a wind? Wind. Yeah, that's the other thing. Well, that's a good reason for a thing. Also, I had a really difficult bout of body surfing this weekend, and I think I could figure that out a little bit.

I can tell that's getting to you. Maybe about a boogie board the other day. I bought a boogie board on the beach. Did not go my way. I got to, but now I'm like, I got to go. Probably tonight, I got to watch some YouTube's. Yeah. I think I, because I went in, I went in with no theory.

Deep State conspiracy period. You just thought you would do it on instinct. I thought I could just, I was just like, but then I, here's what I noticed. everybody has a bodyboard nobody's catching waves it's just for kids to be out there what if the waves it might not have been a good wave situation it might not be your phone I don't think it was but I think

I don't think anybody knows how to do it but I think there's also a way to do it and I'm with you where I'm like I think it would be intuitive and apparently it's not do it if well what I'm now what I'm thinking is like one of these days nobody's around I go to the beach like in the day time 6 a.m Free solo Free solo

Here I go free solo the boogeal board I'm picturing you free solo, but there's a tornado just pushing you up the whole mountain. I'm free soloing Doc Wiler this morning. Dana, time for your fourth and then your final pick. So I get two more picks? Okay, one is healing powers. Oh, Wolverine?

Which honestly just feels like a waste if you don't have them. You're like, that's like the scariest thing in the world. Yeah, what's the point? All this, if I can't enjoy it by healing myself. Exactly. So I'm like... Can you heal other people as well? Yeah.

If I can, that would be the best version is I can like touch, heal. So if I ever get a little splinter or anything, I'm going to teleport to where you're at. Yeah. Perfect. Heal me up real quick. Healing powers. All my loved ones, touch. But I keep it a secret because I don't want like a bunch of strangers.

It's like winning a lot of you. I don't want my full day. Would you feel a lot of pressure? Like if somebody has like cancer or whatever, you're like, yeah. And I would. Yeah. I just, anyone I interact with, I would do my best. But now people are dying anymore and that's a different issue.

Well, that's why. I'm not doing, I'm not stationing myself at the hospital. You walk by every room flipping a coin. I'm going to go about my daily life and I'm going to try to make other people's lives better if I interact with them naturally. But I'm not going to like upend the natural order because, you know, you read from the book, you're like, well, that then screws up and then the God of death comes and tries to write his wrongs or whatever.

Just healing powers, just making people feel better in my community. How's my rap name? So that's my. That's my unselfish one. Okay. And then my selfish one is I'm amazing at every instrument. Oh, that's a good one. That would be so good.

No studying. So being Prince. Yeah. I would jam with. And the human body is an instrument. Oh. Well, that's the one who is. Now you're at.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, I would just love to, I'm just like, you sit down on piano. You're just like, bluddle. Yeah. That was a great. You just pick up a guitar shirtless at a party of hair. Yeah.

Don't because then... Guitar would be the one I wouldn't do. If I could play any instrument, just sit down. You'd pick a cooler instrument. I don't think I would just... I'd do a sit-tar. I get so mad when people play the guitar. Yeah, but what if you were like amazing at electric guitar?

Like, you could really shred. If you could wail. Yeah. Wouldn't it be fun? I wouldn't do it at a party, though, I guess is the thing. You'd be doing the rest of us a disservice by not. Yeah, that's fair. I would get, I would get... I'd have to like...

I'd probably tell Isaac to introduce me to some musicians. Yeah. I'd want to be in the studio and be like, is that a Gibson? Yeah. Can I see that? Can I just, I was wondering one of these and then go nuts. Yeah. Now I'm signed.

Weow, weo, weo, weo, wow. And what's good, I think I wouldn't take advantage. I wouldn't, like, abuse this power because I don't want the rock star lifestyle. I want to go to bed at 9 o'clock always. That's perfect. So I would never abuse this privilege. It would just be for fun and for music. And I think it would be a blessed.

Yeah, you wouldn't even record. Not really. Probably not. That's perfect. I went to a Herbie Hancock concert. who's kind of like this, he played the guitar a lot. Yeah, that'd be great. Whoa.

Yeah. That's the piano. You know what would also be great? If you are objectively amazing, then it's like, okay, well, I can play a concert. Okay, so here's the thing. An accomplishment that you don't work hard for doesn't actually feel like much. Where it's like, I don't think I would be proud of myself for like playing with the symphony orchestra. It's like me with being really handsome.

God damn it, we're on the same way. I thought it and then I was like, don't do it. Yeah. That's so funny. But if you are like the best at this, then like once a year you could like play the cello with yo-yo-ma just for the music, for the people who love it. Put him to shame. Yeah. Well, just know, he's like, he make him cry because he's never heard anyone play the cello more beautifully.

I thought yo-yo-ma was a girl. No. No. Right, just because the ma part. Yo-yo-ro wrong. Yeah. If it was yo-ya-da, you'd think it was dead? Yeah.

A guy. Da-a-ma. Yeah. And I thought I was an Irish guy. An Irish mother. David, your final pick? I just wanted Matilda stuff around. What's that?

Telekinesis. Oh, telekinesis. Oh, I can't believe we went this long. Yeah, she's having a good time. Making pancakes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's crazy about that is it's not that hard to make pancakes. No, that is one of the few things I probably wouldn't use it for.

Yeah. Have you seen Matilda? I would use it to help Danny DeVito sell cars. Yeah. And Matilda, she has discovered she has teleconnect powers. Like the first thing she does is make pancakes. Yeah. But you're like, you could just do that.

Could have done it. What's the one we watched to the girl at the school? Cool. That they made a musical of? Madeline? Madeline? Oh, no. That was Matilda.

That was the Matilda musical movie. Oh, did she have telekinesis in that too? You got to watch the one with Danny DeVito though. No, it's the same story. The book Matilda, the Roll Doll book, made a regular movie of it, and now, like, then they made a musical of it, and then they made a movie of the musical. You're thinking of Carrie.

No, I'm thinking of Matilda. We saw the Matilda musical movie. Did you see witches? That's funny. The Zemechis or the Angelica Houston? The Angelica Houston Yeah, scared me a lot as a kid. Yeah, that movie, where they turned into rats, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see? I'm the only one here turning into rats, folks. Rapper's fair and square. That's fair. You're turning into a Madame Bertha. Sometimes. Madame Bertha's mouth lemur.

That's a different thing. I can't turn into that. They didn't make that movie yet. Sean, your final pick? Tell me if this is too much. Okay. I want to be able to communicate with anything that's able to be communicated with.

Hell yeah. Babies, animals, any language. Baby animals? Yeah. It's a little much because they could all be separate. Living things? Sure, living things. I can't talk to trees or anything.

Oh, you can't do plants. Well, I don't think so. Here's the animals and babies. Yeah. Yeah, animals and babies. But also like adults, like you could just. Languages. Languages.

You could just go to Constantinople. I don't know why that was. I want to know how to help a baby when they're losing their mind. I want to be able to reason with them. What if you find out babies are really unreasonable? Yeah, that's what they are. They're just like, I'm not comfortable.

I thought about taking this power, but just with animals. But the thing I always think about that is like a dog is just thinking like, food, food, food, scary, scary, food, sex, sex, like that. I think a baby is mostly just like. That's why they call me the dog. Yeah, it's right. Got a couple over here. I think it would be hard to communicate with them because your ability does not

change a dog. And also a baby, a baby like crying is just like tired and you want to be like, we'll go to sleep. But babies don't know how to do that yet. But I also want to talk to the smart animals too, which would be fun. Dolphins. You talk to dolphins. Talk to these ravens.

You could talk to the crows about who's bad in the neighborhood. That would help you real estate purchases. Who's doing what? I'd like to buy this house. Let me go talk to that murder over there. It would also be interesting because it's like not for information. They probably know about like the weather and they know like, situations and get their animal intuition.

I saw the wild thorn berries. I think it'd be cool. Yeah, she really made that work for her. Yeah, she had fun. How come she couldn't communicate that well with her brother? Wow. She had a brother that was just being like, the real animal.

Donnie? Yeah. Interesting. Never saw it. Are we? Because we're the closest to age. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You never saw the wild boon berries?

I never did either. No, no, no, no. No. We and Ian are. Yeah, we're closest to age. Yeah, because you're 41? Yeah. And I'm 38.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay, but he's the young, David's the closest to me in age. Yeah. Yeah. Of us. How did you miss Wildthornberries, though?

Because you would have been in that. That seems like you would be right up your reality. There are a ton of cartoons. We don't overlap, like, on any kid stuff. I was reading, I was reading books. I was doing science experiments. I was doing metallurgy. Carpentry.

All right. Yeah, you're the age. You for sure should have seen Wild Thorpearlberry. I was building flying. machines. I don't know why I didn't see. No, you're playing computer games. Yeah, I was playing computer online. That's exactly what I was doing.

I was not on the computer at all. My final skill is I can make something taste like poop right before somebody bites into it. Now we're having fun. Now we're having it. What if poop doesn't taste that bad? Sean?

Because we don't know. You know? I don't know. It smells bad, but so does sushi. People have had poop. You've never talked to anyone who's taking A bite of poop? We wouldn't know. Why does it have to change from what it went in as?

Is it probably taste like what it smells like? What are you asking right now? Oh, no. It's gone through a chemical process. There we go. In your stomach. That calms me down a little bit. That calms you down.

Can you turn their drinks into diarrhea? Yeah. Anything. I can make anything taste like poop. Can you imagine if you... That's poop now. I don't say it. Is it poop or does it just taste like poop?

I'm going to say it is poop now. Someone's working out. That's way worse. So there's a lot of bacterial infections happening. Someone's at the water found at the gym and you're like, da. I have to say it. That's the thing that handcuffs me a little bit. Wait.

Now that's poop. Wait. If it's a liquid. Oh, you have to say it out loud. It's pretty quiet. It still works on liquids? Yeah. Oh, that's tough.

You're about to dive into a pool. Poop. Wait, you can do the pool? What if I wasn't going to drink it? An ocean of poop. It was going to get in your mouth. So you have to point? Yeah, I point and take it.

Poop. All right, I'm going to go rinse off real quick. I'm going to go take a shower real quick. All right, have fun. Have fun. I'm going to, all right, just turn the water on. Then you hear me from the other side of the bathroom door? Poop!

Ah! How am I going to clean? Not again. Now I'm going to clean the shower off again. Let me take a bite of my sandwich to calm down. Boop. Let me wash it out with toilet water. Surely that can't turn into poop.

Poop. That's poop, too. Can you undo it? No. You can do the poop to water. So like if you're at like at a dinner party and somebody spent all day and then you're still like, nope. If I wanted to. No, but I like you being able to go the other way too.

So like someone takes a poop and you turn it into a lasagna real quick. Lasagna. Wait. But then he's got to be there when they poo. Yeah. He can guess. Also then it's just lasagna and a toilet. What about while it's coming out of their butt?

Bird. That's what's, that's what you like? Wow. It's coming out. Sub. They'll do they think they would lay you in the X-Men with this? Yeah, I think they'd have to. Oh, man.

I'm not, I'm not always, we've been waiting for a mutant of your talents. I'm not always on the missions. I get to come sometimes. Oh, man. Especially for that reverse poop one. That's crazy. If I could do the reverse poop. Yeah.

And turn it into anything. I'm like, hangaraday. But you have to be in the bathroom when he's pooping. Nobody's ever seen Magneto Pooh You're trapped in prison You just poop And you're like Stick a dynamite

You get out of any situation Like my car I lost my keys Let me go eat a big sandwich Real quick I'm the poop promancer Well it's like If you could do it to your own poop

You could be like million dollars Oh that's true Yeah you could be a million dollars Yeah Yeah Yeah Power A and then the sequels, they need to... Yeah.

What do you do with P? Nothing. I have no domain over that way. Okay. Yeah. They got to fight a long time ago. Our P's are still our own. The Pooke Master and the P. Master don't talk anymore.

No. I had to kill the P. Master to become the poop master. Oh, yeah. It's like Highlander. Yeah. They can pee only one. Yeah. There can pee only one.

Is that what you said? Oh, yeah. And I can make barf float. We did three podcasts today. I've known that since you said, What if poop tastes good? I can make barf float in the air. Oh, yeah.

So when someone's barfing out and it's like going to the ground, I can be like, no, and I can't conduct it. Does it go back in there? I can't make it go back in there. Oh, that sounds awful. What are the birds that fly around in Portland? Starlings. No.

Isn't it Starlings? No, it's the Swift. Oh, Swift. Yeah. It's gross. Anyway. That's fun. What if poop tasted good?

And you guys make money from this podcast? No. No. know, it costs us a lot. But frankly, not as much as we should. Yeah. We stopped recording this years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is just for us. Or it doesn't like that I spend money to come down here. Isaac, do you ever pick? Yeah, I'm going to go with the Harry Potter wizardry kind of powers, whatever Harry Potter. Oh, you want to learn a new skin. A lot of different. That's a lot of stuff. Which one spell would you do?

Unforgivable? Even the, uh, the, uh, the. No, Isaac, you got to pick one magic. I got to pick one power of all these. You can't just be like, I'm mad. Patrick. Yeah. Man.

Then I'm going to shift gears into, you guys ever watch Avatar the last airbender? Yes. I'm just like bending the elements. Yeah. Well, you got to pick one. If I had to pick one, I'd pick water. Water for sure. Oh, he is the avat.

You're the avatar? If I get to pick, I'm the Avatar. Water, man sees. But that's technically an airbender, right? But then he can do all. He's an airman. He's an air bender. He can bend.

It's called hydrocanesis. Well, every generation, the bender is a different. He's come to him a different place. That's the student's a random picture. Sure. Yeah, sure. Avatar? Yeah.

Susan Sarananan is an avatar? Isn't she an avatar? She's in... Avatar as in... Are you talking... Do you mean Sigourney Weaver? Oh, that's what you're making. That makes more sense, too.

The last... Sigouruni. Yeah. It's spelled Sigourney. You ever say Sigourney? That's not actually her real name. She changed her name to be more interesting. What was it?

What was it? I don't remember. I'm going to look it up. Jess. It was Madame Bertha. Jess Weaver? Susan. Susan Weaver?

Susan Weaver? She changed it to... are Gorney? Yeah. I'm calling a foul. What's Susan Sarandon's real name? I bet it's just Susan Sarandon. Madame Beerte.

Yeah, it's just Susan Abigail. Her real name is Mouthleamer. Susan Mouthleamer. Creature of the night. Her brother, her uncle is named Doodles. Doodles? Weaver was born. I'm just like reading like the Wikipedia and it's like Doodle, Weaver was born, blah, blah, blah.

Her father was president of NBC. And Pat's brother, Doodles Weaver, was a comedian. I bet he was That is a comedian As Her dad was president of NBC Yeah your dad And then they wonder

Everybody wonders how he got that walk on On Mourke and Mindy Or whatever Do you know my favorite show on NBC is? What? Seinfeld Oh nice Yeah NBCVs nuts

The other one I could have said To recap, Danny you took teleopathy Or a normal way to say that Telepipathy Telepathy Telepathy Telepathy Telepathy.

Having an animal familiar, being able to stop time, healing powers, and you're amazing in every instrument. David, you took the abilities of forge, not feeling any pain, mystique's ability, weather control and telekinesis. Sean, you being able to take breathing and seeing underwater. And pee. Teleportation, necromancy.

You can control plant life. You can communicate with animals and babies. I took being able to fly, walking through walls, turning into any animal, mega man, like absorbing someone's abilities by touching them, and then making anything turn into poop. Right before you eat it, though. Right before you eat it?

Or before you poop. Before you physically engage with that thing, I can turn it into poop. But I have to point out of it and say poop. But then right before you poop, though, you could change it too as part of it. That's later on in my life. I own the ability. That's the college years. Yeah, while you're pooping, I can turn it into anything.

Okay. Of comparable size. To the poop? If you're pooping, I can't be like VW bugs. You can't even do a million dollars then. What's out? A stack of a stack of a million bucks ain't that much. Amazon gift card for a million dollars.

You can do the hard of the ocean. Yeah, diamond. Yeah, there we go. Perfect diamond. Wouldn't feel great coming out, but a million bucks is a million bucks. If my shit was diamond, it would be worth enough money. You don't feel pain, so you're not going to know. Yeah, you're all good.

Maybe I'll hook up with you and do whatever. Oh man, I'll just eat a bunch of stuff. Yeah. And I'm just like, Bango, diamond. What's the most, you know, you get me diarrhea and then we... Uranium.

Then we make it the most expensive liquid. Yeah. What's the most expensive liquid? Gasoline these days. No. Oh, come on. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com.

Shout to everyone on the All-Family Everything. Patreon, where you can find live episodes, mailbag episodes, this or that episode. auction drafts, our live belly watch-along, live episodes of All Fantasy, everything, more watchalongs on the way. Shot to our wonderful producer, Isaac Leone, the ones and twos covering his lap like a grandma because he sits directly underneath an air conditioner in the studio. It is so cold.

He's so cold. He's so cold. That's why they call him ice. That is exactly what it's right. Isaac? Isaac. It is short for Isaac. There's also a longer story that I can tell you afterwards about.

why people start Cold P. He fought Rob Van Winkle. Ice, ice baby. Shot to say it's two of Carmel. Shout to Frank Yosin. Shout to how'd you beat. Shot to Sid the dude.

And more important than all that. Tune to get next week to another brand new episode of all fantasy, everything. Shaclacity. That was a Hidgum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan.

And we host the podcast. That was us now on HeadGum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show. This is us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit. Are we going to laugh? A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to that was us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify.

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