All Fantasy Everything - Male Divas (w/ Guy Branum)

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

Are male divas just called divos? Anyhow, we're here to draft them.Guest:Guy Branum (@guybranum)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum podcast. everything from the world of popular culture. Our guest today is the wonderful comedian, television writer, author, our friend, returning all fantasy everything champion, Guy Branham. I'm with me as always are my friends, David Borey and John Jordan.

We need some sound effects, I think. Woo! Five hundred episodes in? I think we need a soundboard. We should get a soundboard. Just like switch it up now? Yeah. I was listening to Morning Radio was on the other day,

and they were doing some game show, and they're like, if you get it wrong, you got boned. I haven't heard it It's family guy shit Where they were like you got bone Did it have sound effects They had like reverb on bone? They had some guy

Yeah like just you got And then you know boned I'm gonna say Welcome to the bone zone Drive time radio is the best entertainment That we have Like anytime you walk into a radio station At five in the morning

And there are two people there And they are just making entertainment For three hours Podcasters could never Just doing blow There is some of it like there's this one in Portland that very clearly is a setup, he cheated on me,

she cheated on me radio show, where they're just faking it. And it's so obvious, but I listen to it all the time. What's my daughter in the back? What do you mean? Like people call in? Yeah, there's like a radio show where they're like,

they act like it's not fake. So they'll, you know, all right, so Susan's calling in and she's got a rough story about Jack or whatever. And then they'll like call Jack on whatever party line and he'll act like he feels ambushed. Party line. Ryan's Rosa style. Yes.

It's ridiculous. really it's so it's like a soap opera on the radio and it's a local portland radio show maybe it's national but i it's i hear it on 100.3 i like that i do like that i'd like to listen to it yeah i mean it's this stupid like you know you're having sex with my sister for the last three years i mean it's like jerry springer and do you think it's the other host like then pretends to be that person like puts on like puts on a voice no but they pretend to be shocked though that's the bummer because the other host is like you that can't no way why do you think it's fake It could be real.

It has to be fake. All right. I love the idea that they have 15 people who are like, yes, I do work in an insurance office, but this is my outlet. You know? Yeah. You know that they can always go to them. People who took like improv classes in college. It's like community theater.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they're not doing it for money. The purest form of expression. I would do that if I lived not in Los Angeles. I have a very, that would be a fun career. You think you'd be all right at it? What, radio DJ or acting like you got cheated up? Acting like you got cheated on the radio.

It would be a very fun job. My friend Alison Fouse, she is a great TV writer. She's written for a bunch of stuff. But she just started out. She worked at Cal State Long Beach and liked a radio show so much that she started faxing them sketches. And then they hired her. And then when Keenan Airy Wains was getting his talk show, they were like, you should hire her.

She's so funny. And then she, like, you know, ran a show on BET last or two. years ago. It works. Yeah. Her origin story was faxing a joke to a radio show. I know, I love it the most. That's the best. Take that the lampoon. Yeah, dude. Sometimes it works. Actually, that's how a lot of people ended up working for the Wayans. Yeah. Big Fax machine house. My favorite thing about going to the strip mall across from the Grove Farmers Market is that you can get on the Wayans Brothers Wi-Fi. Like, if you're over, yes, if you're over, there's a vegetarian restaurant over there.

It's so funny. There is a pottery barn and you can get on the Wayans Brothers. Keen and Ivory Wi-Fi, right? The password is blank man. Which is really cool. When I was in, we have listeners

in Macon, Georgia, and I went on their morning radio show when I was in Macon doing a show, and it was very much. I'm blanking on your names right now, because I didn't sleep last night, but it's a man and a woman, and it's just the two of the men there. They have great chemistry with each other, And they're just, like, for four hours, starting at like you said, five, six a.m.

They're just funny. They're just funny in the butter all morning. Yeah. And they also, there's a lot more microphone swinging. Whoa. Morning radio, you know what I mean? We should bring that back. We should.

Yeah. So I ever tell you, I called in for morning radio one time to do press, like in Kansas City and I won tickets to your show? Yeah, I have a video of it. That's so funny. They were like, who is this? And I was like, this David, I'm calling in. And then it was, oh, what was it?

It was something of orchestra. What is it? Oh, electric light orchestra? Yes. Yellow? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's also the Trans-Siberian orchestra. Trans-Siberian.

It was Trans-Siberian. I won tickets to see them in Kansas City. Yeah. And then at the end of the thing, I was like, so can I? And they were like, no. Which that does burn. That's a bummer. I think I should have, I think I should have.

Because it was like, I have a video of it. It was like 5 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. I won tickets. I can't believe they didn't let you have them. I feel like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra survives exclusively off tickets given away on the radio. I've never heard somebody identify as a head.

No. I never heard somebody like. No, but you want to be one of those Christmas acts. You want to be one of the less of Mariah Carey who, like, towards five months, very similar to the great divas of the 70s who just like pride season. Yeah. And then Crystal Waters goes home. And that's awesome. Yeah.

That is a good life. Yes. She's like May to July, right? Yeah. That's when you want to be outside anyway. Ah, it'd be great. How do we become a summer podcast act? I guess we kind of do tour like that.

We don't, we've never toured the winter. No. Okay, I just realized next time I come back to All Fantasy Everything. Yeah. We are doing Pride mainstage headliners. I'm in. Okay. I would love to.

I was a disco kid, almost exclusive. Middle school, early high school, I only listened to disco. So I think there's a lot of overlap. Absolutely. A lot of overlap. What were you dressing like when that was happening? Not like you would think a disco kid was. It was a lot of...

Animal shirts and cargo shorts. It was like Big Dog T-shirts and cargo shorts. In my head, you were dressed up like Gloria Gayne. There's nothing better than the way that like a 12-year-old just likes what they like. Yeah. I didn't like Big Dog shirts, but they were the ones that fit. So I was like, yeah, but I just loved Donna Somer. I loved the Gap Band.

I love all that stuff. Yeah. Bad girls. The glittery big dog. The glittery big dog. I got, as I've, you know, I've gotten into vinyl recently. Your record, got a 40 years old. I bought the Ohio Players' disc, the one with the honey, like, the woman on the front

where they're like dripping honey. Yeah. Where there's like a, what is it, an urban legend about it? Anyway, but it's got love roller coaster on it. What's the urban legend? Yeah, really. Okay, so the album cover for whatever the name of that album is, the Ohio player's one where there's like a woman and they're like dripping honey.

is that to get the honey to drip like that, they had to get it really, really hot. And they had her in the... It's always like she was in the studio, which is not where they take album cover of nature. That's okay. But they dripped it on her, and she screamed, and it burnt her

and disfigured her forever, and she screamed so loud. And the scream on love roller coaster that happens at like two minutes and 34 seconds or whatever is her screaming, and they put it in the song. Like that's... Oh, like her getting burned With her getting burnt going like,

which is really just one of the Ohio players sing, but it's perfect, right? She could have got a writer's credit, you know? It would have been, she would have been on the song. She would have been an ass cap. It could be true. I don't think you. You're the fuck of you.

Who they're making hay off. Songwriting credit is the only real way to make money in entertainment anymore. It seems like it is. God bless those spice girls for getting her credit on everything. Yeah. Did they share credit on like all five of them?

They got credit on everything. That's awesome. It is. Because I think about a lot of, there's a lot of hip-hop R&B ballads where you're like, I don't even know this woman's name. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, so, who's saying thug passion? That's what popped into my head. Yeah, I was just listening to it the other day. There's a million of those with, they're never credited. 100% fans. I love the dough, Angel Winbush and Notorious B-I-G, but. Well, that was that whole CNC Music Factory thing, right?

That girl that sang the freedom with that, right? Freedom Williams? No, what's her name? He was the guy. Okay, yeah. But the girl that said, sang the hook.

Yeah. They had a big girl sing and then they had like, you know. They put like some skinny girl in the video. Yes. And it was a big thing because the big girl didn't get any credit. Like now, so like after the thing happened with Ed Shearin and what's her name from Real Housewives of Atlanta. Wait.

What? Hold on. What happened with Ed Shearer? Martha Wash. Okay. Martha Wash. Like Ed Shearin, that one song is basically the initial hook is just no scrubs. and so, like, he got sued, and then is it, it's not Fadra, it's, um...

Oh, that's right. One of the women for Real House, they sued, and then she got, like, a shared credit on the song and now makes money from it and also just, like, promotes it as though it is her song in a way that I really respect. Yeah, that's so funny. Candy Burris. Candy Burris, yes, that is a real lack of respect on my part. But, like, on father figure on Taylor Swift's new album, she just,

gave George Michael, even though it doesn't resemble father figure in her way. She's called father figure. She just uses that term. I haven't heard of it. I haven't heard of the writing credit. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't heard the album, except for the penis song. I like it. I think so too. I like it a lot. The penis song is good. Honey is really good.

Eldest daughter. Eldest daughter is the heart of that album. I've heard. Elizabeth Taylor's fun. What's the last song? I think Elvis Daughter. That's really fun. I like that last one. So why do you guys think people are like, hate you? Opelite is really good. Opelite's good. I think people were, like, I think Taylor Swift has always gone in these, like, when she gets too big, people want to tear her back down.

Yeah. So, I don't know, she just gets hate every, like, third album. I think she is an uncanny valley in between our concept of boring white girl who is an instrument of the people around her and diva. Yeah. She is not enough of one or the other, like, she is aggressive and expresses herself, but, like, only through her music in a way. in a way that is very, like, you know, Joni Mitch Lee or Carly-Simonie, but she gets aggressive and people are like,

you're not allowed to do that. I thought eldest daughter was like a great example of that. People are saying it's like cringe that she's saying that stuff. She's like, she's being honest about who she isn't. Yes. Yeah. Similarly, would. People are like, oh, she's writing about penises like she's a 13-year-old.

Yes, she's an artist. And sometimes when you fall in love with someone, like you feel like a 13-year-old. But also, like, Edie is such a, like, good, just, in the way that when somebody has a great joke that sort of hits every angle on the premise that they are presenting you with, she takes the idea, unlucky in love and just goes at it from like every, it's just so many little, like, literary references. And it's like really smart, but also very sincere. I like it. Yeah. I do too. I think, and I also think it's got hits on it, which are great. And it just makes me glide through the airport.

That's all I care about. I just want to listen to something fun. Give a shit. Talk about having sex. Talk about getting boned. It rules. Yeah. Why not?

You just want to pledge allegiance to his hand, his team, his vibes, dude. That's right, dude. Of course, we all do. She's also, I mean, good for her. She finally, like, Travis Kelsey. Well, that's what Travis Kelsey is like, yeah, she's 36. Because people came out of her for wood and he's like, she's, she's grown. Yeah.

She can say what she wants. They're cute. Yes, and it's like, we understand, like, we're perfectly fine with, like, women of color, like women who we consider to be more sexual. or sexualized talking about this stuff in aggressive terms, but we're like, no, your job is to be the little girl who goes to church. Right. Yeah. And she's

having sex with an NFL tied end. She wants to sing about it. God bless her. I'd sing about it. David? I don't know anything about anything. I know he's a tied end. Travis Kelsey. 87 plus 13 equals 100. Sean Jordan is here. Sean Cougar, Melon, Jordan, on Instagram. Well, we'll be at the Commonwealth Sanctuary. Two shows

December 6th, I want to say, whatever that Saturday is. And then December 22nd Healing Comedy Club, Portland, Oregon, doing my holiday show. It's going to be fun. A lot of friends. I'll be there. It'll be a good time. Tell us where your holiday show. Are we getting any standards?

How much singing happens? So last year I tried to do an office Christmas party theme where I was going to be the boss of this fake corporation. I tried to dye my beard black. I did a whole character. That's really fun. It was fun, but I'm not good at that. So this year, I'm going to be me. I'm going to be the positive, happy version of myself.

Try to have some games. I'm going to incorporate my glowing nun chucks in there somehow. Okay. I'm going to have some Christmas trivia, door prizes. I'm thinking about a white elephant exchange where anyone who brings a present can take one on their way out. So, not required, but I'll just have a big part of the room. Get your hands off me.

I'll have a big part of the room. It's the last night of Hanukkah. Huh? It is. The 22nd. I know. Oh, that means you can't be there. No, I'll be there.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Hanukkah is not that kind of hot. I'm not getting in the way of any. Yeah. So we'll celebrate, we'll incorporate a little bit of Hanukkah in this year. I just think it's lovely that it'll be the last night of Hanukkah.

Yeah, there's not always that overlap. It's a Monday. What the fuck else are you doing? Come on out. There you go. Get agro on them, dude. Agro, bro. A lot of entourage clips.

David Bore is here. Do you have any other dates? No. Cool Guy Jokes 87 on Instagram. I'm in Japan right now. Yeah. So look at my Instagram for that. Yeah.

And then December 12th and 13th, I'm going to be at Sports Drinking, New Orleans. Yes. What's the thing you're looking forward to eating the most in Japan? Oh, man. I don't really, just all sea creatures. Yeah. Yeah. Everything that's pulled from.

Creatures. Mermaid. I'm actually really excited about having like really well-prepared rice, too, like good fresh rice. Yeah. They respect rice. Yeah. And I'm excited to hit up one of those 7-Elevens. Yes. You hear so much about.

Guys, you've been to Japan? Enlighten me here. What are these 7-Elevens we're talking about? It's like, I guess it's just all prepared food. It's like an actual. It's the best sandwiches you'll ever have. Yeah. That's, I think the ones here are pretty all right.

Well, I've heard they're trying to like. Like some of the best fried chicken you've ever had. oh yeah yeah that's right i've had i've had days where i only ate 7-11 stuff so it sounds like a good time yeah i'm i'm excited i'm excited overall i'm really excited to go to the sumo yeah i'm excited to go to mount fuji yeah all that i went on a run this summer when i became obsessed with the stew that sumo wrestlers make for themselves i heard about that it's called chancronobbi and it's like a chicken meatball and then vegetables and stuff and it was like so much fun to make It's called Chonko Nave?

Yes. That's what I would call it if I didn't know the name. Yeah. What are you doing in the kitchen? Chacon Nave, dude. That's what you want a huge guy to run. Yeah. That's what you for sure.

They had sumo at, uh, at the, oh, I was just, go ahead. I was just going to say when you go to the, you can go to the stable in the morning. Yeah. Like they'll cook for you. Yeah. Like they cook. Yeah. Is it a very calorie dense food?

Is it like Choncone. I mean, it can be. Yeah. I mean, the rice is doing most of the work. I do love that Japan's approach to food was we need to use all of our arable land for rice, so everything else will just be what we find. Right. It's creative.

Yeah, there's not a lot of other veggies involved, right? It's very, what's like produce in Japan? It's like it's veggies, but a lot of it is stuff from the forest. Like mushrooms and things that you find, little ferns. Right, like yams and stuff that have been growing. Oh, I'm getting yams. I'm just, I'm really excited. That's going to be fun.

My little brother's, brother's trip. Uh, Guy Brandem is here. Hello, good to be here. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Uh, I mean, so much. So, so much the wonderful book. Thank you.

Recently won a slew of awards. Thank you. Uh, for your writing on, I can't, I can't, hacks. Hacks. I was called a hoax, but that's my wife's other podcast. I was like, that's not it, uh, on hacks. Currently, the, the, be fruitful show. Yes.

Be fruitful in Los Angeles, uh, November 9th, 12th. We're past that, unfortunately. Okay. December, but December 14th, you can come. There it is. And then I will be in Philly on December 17th, D.C. on December 18th, and Brooklyn at Union Hall on December 19th. But it is a solo show where I argue for why I shouldn't exist. Fantastic.

If you win at some point in the argument, will you just like, like suck into a black hole? One has to assume. Well, I think so. Yes. Guys, so funny. You have to go see this show if you're in any of those cities. Or fly there.

Go to Brooklyn for, go to New York for Christmas. It's a lovely time. It's a lovely time. Go celebrate the third till last night of Hanukkah by going to see Bee Fruit Bowl. Eat some pizza.

Eat some pizza. Go to that Jewish pop-up bar we went to in Brooklyn. Was that in Brooklyn? No, that was in the city. It was in the city. We went to a honica theme. Little shots of Man O'Shevitz.

They had a Hanukkah-themed pop-up bar in New York. We were all there. We were there doing our show, right? Yeah. And you went and did something. Sean and I went to see the music man. You were with Sam.

Maybe you guys went to like an S&L something. That was the night we went to the SNL party after the, after the, I almost said a turn. I almost said the Jew bar. Oh, it was the Jew bar. That sounds insane if I say it. He said it first.

As a Jew from Portland, Oregon, which is not a very Jewish city. And my wife is a Jew from the northern suburbs of Chicago, which is a very Jewish area. It was the first time I'd ever been in a space that was like, other than a synagogue, that was like all Jews. Yeah.

It was pretty cool. That's cool. It was like a good feeling. I was like, look at all these people. It was fun. Yeah. Got a, got a tape. Yeah, Ian said, I think if I remember right, he said,

Charle on a Jew. Yeah. I have to imagine the drinks, not that strong, kind of sweet. Yeah. Kind of thing. This is 100% right. They still figured it out. Just like many of the people.

Kind of sweet. Yeah. I have nothing to promote except go see Guy. go see Beef Fruitful. Thank you. And then come see us. New Orleans and March. After going to see David in New Orleans first.

Yeah. Go see David first. We're also going to do a live show somewhere soon, right? Yeah, I think so. We're going to talk about that. But there'll be tour dates coming up. We've all agreed. We're hitting the road again.

I'm leaving my wife and child. We're getting here now. Not to talk about what I'm leaving behind, but I'm not leaving forever. What I'm leaving behind. But to instead draft male divas. This is a real fun topic. Fantastic. Stuff started flooding in.

I was nervous when I first started making the list, but then a couple curveballs in there, too. I'm going to have a better draft than you. You might, but I'm going to have more fun than you, and that's what really matters, brother. Oh, damn it. That's a less of a diva thing than I said. The way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors, play between the three of you. We throw on shoot, okay? Here we go.

rock paper scissors shoot oh david wins again a paper against two rocks a natural victory david is the winner doesn't come upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it it's a serpentine draft what is that's a great question it's like your basic yo yo yo move down and up mm-hmm yo-yo ma is playing with the l.a philharmonic you think i didn't use to slaying tickets playboy this spring hey can i ask you a question about the l. yeah who's that guy on the side of the building. Gustavo Doudamil? Oh, wait, on the side of the building?

Yeah. I don't know that dude. Do you know? Does anybody know? No. Those dudes are from like the 90s. No one's ever said. The L.A. chamber orchestra.

I see him every day. You're not talking about my man Gustavo. No. He's on the front of the building. Yeah. Well, no. So you know on the one ten? When you're the violinist.

The violinist. Yeah, I went by it today. My friend dressed as for Halloween last night, which is a classic L.A. Yeah. It's a classic L.A. move. You got a classic L. It's a classic L. East Side, like, that and in some way, dressing as merging onto the 110.

Yeah. We're like a shirt with, like, hot wheels attached to it. It's a zipper. It's a classic, like, L.A. comedy scene, East Side L.A. comedy scene, like, maybe more writers than stand-ups. I got you. We'll pull that. Americana on-brand meme's account.

I got you. Core stuff. Boy, I do like that. None of you guys care. but that Americana means account. It's so funny. It's the best. One of my favorite places

in the city is the Americana. I love it thing. I unfollowed it for two weeks because it made fun of the late late show. And then you had to go back. I had to go back. Nobody else is doing it like them. My pride is healed.

So David, as the winner, basically what it means, if you pick fourth in the second round, you pick first in the second round. That is what the serpentine draft is. With that mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I'm going the couch again.

All right, guy first? Me first, guy to Sean. Guy David, Ian, Sean. You're in the middle, double down. Hot corner. I'll take it. I'll take it, dude. Hot corner, maybe.

For it to be different. The creamy middle. I love it. Yeah. Creamy center. The burnt little ends over here. Guy, you have the first pick and we are going to get to that first pick and the male divas draft right after the short break.

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Yeah. I'm going to retire too. Guy, you have the first pick. This is a brief digression, but I was a gay lawyer fundraiser two nights ago, and I ran into a guy that I went to college with. He was a real lawyer. And I was like, what are you doing? And he was like, I retired.

And I was like, oh, if I had been a real lawyer, I could be done by now. That's got to feel tough when it was like a peer. Yeah. Where you're like, shit, you could do that now? Yes. Are you raising funds for the idea of gay lawyers or was it gay lawyers? It was the Lambda Legal Defense Fund. Okay, great.

We have to keep them from doing things to trans women. Yeah. And trans men, if they ever think to think about them. Yeah. All right. My first selection, you know, we're going diva. I wanted to start classically with a strong voice, but also everything else that goes into a diva.

So I went with the great Freddie Mercury. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. You know, an astounding artist, someone drawn along and destroyed in ways by his art, too much of a personal life. Just everything you want in a diva. Maybe not as mean to other people,

but we only have so many stories. That's fair. We only have so many stories. Do you think we don't have the full scale of how mean he could have been? No. Or do you think it just wasn't? I think he was probably a terrible bitch.

There's actually a really great documentary called when Kenny met Freddie that was about him becoming friends with this radio DJ in London. Yeah. And how they sort of like helped each other figure out being gay together. And it did sound like they were real bitches on the school. Freddie Mercury was gay? Oh, interesting. I was welcome back. Isaac's back.

Guys, so just so you know, Zach Harper, who is our friend and oftentimes, yes, was... I took over. He took over because our regular producer, Isaac, who in the man of the suit, went to a wedding. Hence the suit. Hence the suit in the middle of the podcast. We don't just have men in suits bursting in like, he wants to offer you a hug. I was like, is he not the president of headgum? It's actually Joe Hollywood.

Joe Hollywood's first thing. Guy, he thinks you got the look and he wants to, he wants to sign you to a three-album deal, right? I was just here drinking malted and I've been discovered. That is ever, or like I was just at the mall. That's like the modern day drinking maltons. Well, did you ever? I remember, I was with... Like a malted beverage?

Oh, sure, okay. Yeah. Did you ever, were you ever at the mall with a hot guy who did get like... Yes. Yeah. My mom's friend, her son, we grew up together, and we were at the mall one time, and this guy was like at a booth, like, you ever thought about Barbizon? And it was...

Barbizon is a whole other story. I wasn't a pedophile in the 80s was so easy. Yeah. We're like, look at a lollipop. What's that, mister? Modeling. All we're going to do is take my show it off. Barbizon, like a little kid modeling thing or something?

Yeah, basically. They have the commercials on TV, too. I think it's a pyramid scheme. The commercials were like, Barbizon. And then it would be like, snap, snap, snap, flash, Barbizon. Very sexy. And it was for a little boy.

I think a little girl You would pay Oh just for kids I think you would pay for them To like take your pictures And then put you in a like Like basically a central casting kind of thing And then maybe you would appear in a Sears photo shoot

Gotcha Yeah Barba's on dude Anyway Freddy Mercury Yeah I also think we didn't like Because he was not allowed to live long enough

To truly become like mean And like in his old age He could have been great old huh Oh yeah Most of my knowledge is from the biopic Like the stories From Bow Rap. Oh, really?

That is so unfortunate. Like anything that I might know about him being mean is from that movie. I have no idea if it's true or not. We love making a movie about how a gay guy's truest love was actually a woman. You know? I'm like, I have to be honest. I don't want to say this in front of you. I loved that movie, even though I know it's bad.

Even though I know it's bad. I just like those songs. I like a biopic. I love a biopic. The Elton John movie was like. actually really good. It was great. And it didn't get all of the love.

Yeah. Taryn Edgerton is fantastic. It's good singer, too. It gets love over here. We bring that movie up a lot, actually. Rock a man. It comes up a lot. Maybe it was the magical realism or whatever, the blending that, like, that, like,

would, like, scared people off from it being, like, a walk the line style, like, biopic. But, yeah, I loved it. Yeah, I really enjoyed it. I thought it was great. But, I mean, Bohemian Rhapsody's fundamental thesis was like, gay sex is dangerous and you probably shouldn't do that. You'll die. You'll die. You'll die.

Yeah. And, like, there is a correct. way of being gay, but we're not going to show that to you. We're just going to imply that it maybe happened elsewhere. This is what not to do. Freddie Mercury. A real diva.

David, time for your first pick. I got to take it to Minneapolis. Prince Ronald's else. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. I think about specifically the Guitar Gods concert where it was like who, it was like Eric Clap. It was like, he wasn't supposed to be that. up there.

Yeah, he wasn't supposed to be there. He comes in shreds crazy and then throws the guitar and walks off. Have you seen this clip? It's so, it's like... It is pretty gnarly. It's so sexy. It's the 2004 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Yeah. And like Tom Petty's on stage. I think Jeff Beck, George Harrison's son, and they were playing my guitar gently weeps for like... Because George Harrison had just died. Yeah.

And it's all these guitar gods on stage playing. And then he goes up there. and, like, solos for, I think, way longer than he was supposed to. He wasn't even supposed to be up there. He doesn't even look at anyone. I mean, it's just so... And he goes apes shit. He goes...

And you can tell they, like, can't keep up. And he's just, like, this little guy going crazy. And then he tosses the guitar and walks off. And you're like, this is the greatest man I've ever seen. Yeah. And just, like, everything about Prince, he's, like, him holding so tight to his musicianship that he was a dick. He was a shitty to people. He changed his name because fuck the music industry.

Like, just what a great diva, man. Love that little guy. Love that little guy. Andy could hoop. Get out of here. Get out of here. What can't this man? Like, you know how you know those guys growing up where you're like, oh, Jake could do anything.

So all of it. I think that's what Prince was. Kind of a Chris Sharpenter type. Yeah, yeah. You could just do all the stuff. Yeah. And a hole in one? In a hole in one.

Yeah. Prince, man. I love that he wouldn't give his music to guitar hero because he's, he wanted kids to play learn how to play instruments. He was so good. He wasn't even known for playing everything and he could play everything.

Like that guy. Just musical. He was talented enough that you don't get mad that he was rude. You're like, yeah, you should be mean to people. But also that weird mix of like inviting people into Paisley Park all the time.

Like there are these, these generosities, but with it goes a whole lot of gatekeeping and control. That's real Diva behavior. Oh, come on. Come on. Zach went to Paisley Park. It was amazing.

See? Where'd you go to Paisley Park? There was a pajama party there that you could get into. And so... Everybody got pregnant. Everybody got pregnant. And like, it sounds like a bad riff off of the Chappelle show, but they sold pancakes for a dollar. It was amazing.

Prince is still getting money. Still making money? His pancakes ain't free. But yeah, I just, Prince, man, just amazing. First name that came to my head when we locked this down. Yeah. I, okay, I have a first pick, but I think I can get them on the turnaround. So I'm going to go with a more traditional first pick.

I know, careful. Well, did we, we didn't all stick just to music. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm starting to get shaky already. Okay, well, now I'm a little nervous. Okay, but for, I'm going to go music. I'm going to go chalk. I'm going to go, sir, Elton John.

Yeah, yeah, of course. A true, a true diva. A man who would have a Versace truck pull up to his house because he did not want to go to the Versacee store. The fact that there's a Versace truck is such a funny like form of measure. There's a Versace truck for one person. And it's

Elton John. And their whole collection would just pull up to his house and he would go into it, take what he wanted, and then leave. And it was like, boom, there's the Versace truck. You think he's wearing like a sweatsuit? Yes, absolutely. 100%. Yes. Definitely wearing a sweatsuit. That's beautiful. He has, have you read his book?

No. It's what, I haven't either. I listen to the audio tape. Yeah. of Taryn Edgerton reads it. Oh, lovely. It's great. So Elton does part, like, the intro, and then it's Taryn Edgerton, like, does it. So it's great.

But it's, his life is just full of, he almost went broke on art, just buying, like, expensive art. His raw powers of consumption are, like, truly amazing for me, like, drugs, men, food, clothing, like, astounding. Just never enough.

Just, like, sucked up all of it. All of it. Bought a soccer team, because he liked soccer. He bought his local, and, trying to turn him around. Oh, really? Yes.

He was like a great owner. Isaac, is that right? Have you looked at? I believe so. Which team was at, though? Do you remember? Oh, let me look it up. He actually owns Tottenham.

That would be crazy. Watford. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're in the championship. Yeah. They were about to like go all the way down. But he owned them in like the 80s, I think, early 90s. But yeah.

And just like the way he carries himself on stage, the bitch, the costumes, like all of that stuff. Also just like, you know Adele's in the house sometimes. You know, just like a general. atmospheric like magnatism. Divadum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the other divas, I think,

recognized and respect to Elton John as one of the er divas. He's just, he's just amazing. Yeah. And still doing it. I got to run out when I wrote on the Golden Globes last year.

Uh-huh. He was on his Belinda Carlisle walks me, Belinda Carlisle walks me everywhere, sort of phase of his career. I can't wait for that. I don't even know. can't even recall what he was doing at the Globes. There might have been, he might have been nominated for something, but, or he was presenting.

And so Nikki Glazer's green room was here, and there's a bathroom here. And then, like, the performer green room was here. And I was, like, running to the bathroom so I could then run back, you know, and, like, write jokes. And I almost ran into Belinda Carlyle and Elton John. I was, like, this close to plowing headlong into the two of them. And I almost wish I would have just to see what he would have said about that. I think it would have been the dressing down of a lifetime. I think I would have heard things I haven't heard since middle school

The dressing down of a lifetime I would have felt new ways about my body Sean talking of your first pick This is different I'm going to say Gene Simmons Oh yeah Seems to me like you would have been a diva It was one of the first names that popped up to me

Just seems like you had diva behavior What's the diva behavior? I couldn't tell you Can't walk us through any of it I think the face paint I mean the face paint for sure it just seemed like he was that kind of guy I think a lot of sex a lot of what I want

when I want the tongue doesn't hurt so what do we let's what do we outline his diva behavior I'm not to I'm not to no no I think this is a good if you look it up I didn't look it up then it sends you to prima donna yeah and prima donna is like difficult to work with particular yeah yeah there's some other

talent mentally talented can I tell my favorite Gene Simmons story yeah it's take the heat Gene Simmons was, I believe, on the Mike Douglas show, along with venerable, like, Vegas comedian, Toadie Fields. And he comes on and he's doing the tongue thing and he's doing all of the stuff and he's really trying to be scary to a daytime audience in the 1970s. Todi's having none of this. She's just, like, gently is shitting on him. And finally, Gene Simmons says, well, what would you say if I told you that underneath this makeup?

There's just a nice Jewish boy. and she says, honey, you can't hide the hook. Whoa! It is one of the greatest moments ever. But I would say that kind of swanning around is classic diva behavior.

He just got unfortunately out divan by, you know, an older comedian with one foot. I mean, and there's no shame in that. No. We've all, who hasn't? There's always a bigger diva. Yeah, yeah.

Come on, man. But yeah, I think swanning around, I think that's good. I think like a sort of ornate costumes. Ornate costumes. Presentation. But also understanding that your talent level gives you the privilege to be annoying to people and people will deal with it. Yeah.

Like, ultimately, like, Faye Dunaway has an Oscar, and that means she gets to slap little gay boys backstage at whatever dinner theater she's working at. Yeah. And we respect that. Yeah. You're like, thank you. May I have another?

All right, I'm keeping it non-traditional on the second pick as well. A little more in line with what we just talked about, though, Axel Rose. Oh, he's on my list. Axel Rose. All the swanning around, he seemed extremely difficult to work with. Crazy riders. He had all kinds of shit. That Usier Illusion story where he had sex with Brett Michael's girlfriend

and the screams are on Use Your Illusion. Kind of like the Honey story. Yeah. But that's real. For you, O'Mail Diva's like a, like prototypical rock star behavior. Those were the first three that were going to be listed for me. And then I'm just kind of going all over the play. I have a lot of people that aren't musical.

Not criticizing at all. You can criticize. I'm interviewing. Interrogating sounds aggressive too. Yeah, I know. I'm not criticizing. I'm interrogating you. I'm not.

Yeah. Axel seems peacocky. Seems divish to me. Just not your classical version of a div, I guess. Incredibly talented. A lot of hair. A lot of hair. Tons of hair.

Outfits. Sparkly. Yeah. Hair. Indulgence You would think getting more cantankerous In his old age But I think getting less cantankerous

Than his old age Maybe I feel like he would have been a nightmare When they were famous I think he was Like an absolute nightmare Didn't they're like the Beatles They like only toured once And then that was it right

Something like that I saw them at Coachella a couple years ago And he broke his foot Right before their big tour And he was just sat in a throne But he did the snake dance in a throne Okay that's good enough I would say

having major injuries and making those injuries your public's problem is very diva. I like that. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we had to deal with it. I still pay for the ticket, but I'll be sitting in my throne. I say recently, I think that was now eight years ago. Yeah, it was a while ago. Yeah, yeah.

Come on, it's a 40-year-old reason. It's a 40-year-old reason. It's a 40-year-old reason. That's okay. COVID took five years out of there. 2018 was last week. Yeah, yeah. It fully feels like it was last week.

I'm trying to find some more diva. Bible, yeah. I think that counts. It just strikes me as a diva. Absolutely. All right. I'll show up more in three and four, Isaac. You're doing great.

Thank you. You're handsome and hilarious. People love you. You're a great father. I like that hat. And I have green in my face. Thank you. Yeah.

You do have green on your face. It's very funny. He was a witch last night. Oh, cool. Yeah. Which Halloween was last night as the time of that's recording. I know it's damn near Christmas. I was Bobby Brown.

You were Bobby Brown. Wouldn't it be crazier if I had no Whitney? If you were just Bobby Brown? If I was just Bobby Brown. So you only have, Ian, you only have one Halloween, maybe two, but where the baby gets to tell you what it wants. We did three costumes this year. What did you make the baby be?

Pumpkin. That pumpkin is top tier. We dressed him as a pumpkin and brought him to the pumpkin patch. So we placed him with other pumpkins and took pictures of it. Second, we live in Atwater Village, and they have this thing called the Boulevard, so B-O-O-Lavard, where people like dress up in costumes and mostly kids, and they trick or treat like at the stores

and it's a week before Halloween for that we dressed them up as a little race car driver and put them in like one of those car strollers so pushed them around in that and then finally my wife really championed this one she wanted to dress them up as one of the Louvre robbers so she got like

she got them like a little like black like cat burglar outfit and a stocking cap and like a crown and like a bunch of jewels and stuff I mean that's good work and a safety vest yeah so I had to give her full credit

for that I didn't know what that was yeah when I was looking at it he was a Louvreauber I didn't know so we did three full costumes we'll do three or four again next year and then after that it's like whatever he bears yeah

but you got to go for it and we yeah I did it was a cat or my wife was a cat and I was a vampire you were a good vampire too you had loafers on I had loafers on the hair

you know part of the vampire is just slick back black hair, and all I had to do is slake it back with some graying in the temples. Come on. Distinguished. You're 300 years old. That's right. Time for my second pick.

Did you do any Halloween activities? None. Yeah. Are you a Halloween guy, though? I tend to not be. I'm a homosexual, so I have to. But there are times when I consider it to be, like, a great onus. I did, like, four months ago, I was like, I'm being Elsbeth.

And then I intended to buy some fun. fur and tote bags, and then I didn't. Can I ask you a gay question? Yes, please. What's the number one gay holiday, would you say? Oh, it's Halloween. It is number one. Yes, I would say...

With a bullet. I would say Halloween and pride are... Is Halloween over pride, though, you think? Well, I think Halloween is unitary, where, like, pride happens at different places at different times. But I would say Halloween... Yes, Halloween is like, this is where boys can, you know, be naked slots, you know? Good to know. Poor him.

You big porum guy? I love fucking porum, too. Costumes, cookies. Like, it's every Jewish holidays, you can't do that. And like, Purim is the one where it's like sweets and liquor. Yeah. Sweets and liquor. It's just go for it.

It's so good. I always love them Purim rolled around at the Middleman Jewish Community Center. Also, Hamantosh and are a classic venue for prunes. And I, of course, am a representative of the California prune board trying to encourage people to enjoy prunes. That's right. One of the true showcases for prunes. You ever had a hamentoshan? I don't know what just happened.

I'm going to be completely honest I got so confused You said the California prune board If that's a joke, it's hilarious If it's real, it's hilarious. Are you on it? No, I'm just, I'm the official unofficial spokesperson for California prunes

Okay, I like that And there's a Jewish like basically like little fruit pie cookie thing Yeah, it's good That is traditionally made with prunes And it's really good Like a little hand pie? Yes, but it's more of a cookie

It's somewhere between a cookie and a ham pie I've been looking for that for years Yeah, I think you don't like that hominage. Why you've been sitting on it? I've known you since 2010. I'm slow rolling the Jewish stuff because you're from South Dakota. I don't want you to shock your system. Hey, I just moved here from South Dakota.

Gene Simmons is a diva. Let me tie a red thread around your wrist and tell you about some stuff. Dionne Sanders is my second. You motherfucker. That's a great choice. Are you seriously? I was like, for sure I get him second one. I knew I was like, for sure I get him second round.

I knew I couldn't wait too long. Yeah. So I got him a second. Dion Sanders is an absolute diva. Prime time. Okay. Get me a helicopter so I can get from the football game to the baseball game. Oh my God.

At the height of my career. Oh, no, my hip. Like, it really is. Perfect diva behavior. Look good. So beautiful. Look good, feel good, play good, pay good. Yes, exactly.

Look good, feel good, feel good, play good, pay good. Made a shit song called Must Be the Money. Zach, you're wrong. That song's a piece of shit. You couple it with the music video. I have to disagree. Sing me the good part of that song. The music video is awesome.

That song sucks. He played for the Atlanta Falcons, the Dallas Cowboys, and the San Francisco 49ers. Only played for, like, high-profile teams. Not going on tour. I'm doing three cities they can come to me. Rumored to not practice. Probably didn't practice. probably didn't practice as a professional athlete.

Like seemingly... And was still one of the best. Known for saying, this is God-given. Retired his son's number when his son was kind of like an okay quarterback at best, but coached his son at Colorado and retired his number. Nobody can wear my son's number ever again. Prime time. Prime time.

Prime time. Two NFL football player kids. Yeah, no. Deon, man. Deon. Reinvented how to be a professional athlete a lot of ways. Neon-deon. hated that nickname, wanted to be prime time.

Primetime is better. Yeah, but Neon Deon's also good. Neon Deon just rhymes, though. That's what stuck in my little head. But, I mean, a true diva. Still diva. And like many of the great divas has gotten more cartoonish with his divaism

as he's gotten old. Dog, also in true diva fashion, still looks incredible. Still looks great. Deon looks like he could play. Yeah, and he's missing toes now. He's missing toes. From what? Some sort of nerve disorder.

Okay. It looked, I saw up, it looks nuts, though. Yeah. But he still is hot. He was so beautiful. Yeah. No, Dion is like, man, you just got to love him. Gotta love him.

Got to love him. It really put people in the test. It was one of those, like, if you found Dion annoying last year as a coach, Coach Prime, I'm like, that shit felt so directed. Yeah. In a way where it's like, what are you mad at? What are you mad at? What are you mad at?

He put his kid, his kid who's good? Who's good? Kidder got drafted the NFL? Yeah, come on, man. He's fun. Yeah. Time for you the second pick. I think Jackson State people were mad, but...

They were probably mad. Well, I'd be mad, too. Yeah. Who took Travis Hunter? I gotta take Ali. Yeah, that's great. I think that there's something about a heavyweight champion who dresses amazing. You guys are killing me here.

Like, that's like, I don't think we have it in society. I don't think we have the champ like we used to anymore. Fuck, no. Who even... Like, you have to be wrong. really into boxing, like the champ, but we don't have the champ in very many things at all. At all. It's just not... Who was the last

like champ? Deion was pretty champy. Dion was a champ. Deon was a champ. I'm talking boxing though. Like who, Pacchio or whatever? Like, was that the last? It's a terrible answer, but I think it's true. Connor McGregor in UFC was that for like a minute. He was like the, yeah, the I don't know about... He was going to talk trash. He was really good for like a hot minute and then he got humbled and everything. But he like he sucks. Yeah. But he was that

mentality. He was trying to be the trash talker who was, like, better with everybody. He was huffing. There was no social side to Connor McGregor, though, either. Depends on whether or not you like to do comedy in Austin. Actually, Connor McGregor said, No, be a Kong ever called me.

Call me Patty or what? Yeah. But no, I think, yeah, I just think that's such a time, that's such a place in society of, like, the heavyweight champ. I think there were a lot of them. I think Muhammad Ali is like, you know what I mean? Would fucking talk shit and rhyme? Yeah. No, like...

Talk about being beautiful. He would talk about being beautiful. He would talk about being beautiful. He was so fucking beautiful. He was beautiful. And like, so, like, so smart, so together that he was putting himself into places where people are like, you shouldn't be talking about that. Yeah. And he fucking won.

And also one of the true diva gestures of just sort of like, I'm so good at this that I'm not going to do this for several years. Yeah. Make me go to jail. Because I don't believe in this war. Like, truly magnificent. Was a smile on his face and funny when explaining, no, we should not be around white people. They are dangerous. Yeah.

Man. Yeah. He just, God. Yeah. I think he just, I love it. Love that guy. Awesome. And then, like, and then, like, everyone came around, lighting the torch at the Olympics in 96, where it was like, it doesn't even have any haters left.

Yeah. Uh, guy, time for your second and third picks. Okay. For, I mean, I was sitting on Ali, but it's been taken now. So for my second pick, I'm going to go with James Brown. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Also on my list.

Like hair, cape, magnificence, like, chaos. Chaos. Like entering, like, true personal familial chaos. Yeah. But also just that person who, you know, Judy Garland style, when they get on a stage, everything is right and the minute they leave that stage it will all collapse around to them

Yeah Hardest working man in show business Finding his drummer and his bass player like if you fuck up $5 dollars $5 dollars Also invented the down The downbeat right?

On the one On the one You know what I'm talking about Isaac? Coming in on the one I don't think he invented it That's what I heard I don't I mean

That's what I heard Coming in on the one On the one beat That's the thing that you're supposed to do Spell coming the way Clyde Stubblefield was his drummer and he like invented like a lot

or like was the first dude with a lot of that kind of drumming yeah also there is the thing of being so good at what you do that it always feels effortless but like Aretha and James Brown making

like no no no but what if I tried harder like what if I were as good as the people who don't have to try but then I tried harder and making sweats truly glamour yes oh my God I mean like a handkerchief man when he comes up when he

and his shit's going everywhere that's so it's amazing it didn't bring because like wrestling wasn't big like that but like he brought like a it was a professional wrestler aesthetic to singing R&B and funk music Oh yeah you mean red overalls Red overalls but also the like

I can't possibly get up you know where it's like Oh yeah yeah yeah He'd get choked out and you like drop your hands once you drop your hands twice and then if you drop your hands three times you're disqualified and it's like

I got one more song in me you know and if it gets up the bringing out the cloak you know what I mean to drape over it drama oh my God so dramatic the show within the show

so wasted yes like that I look good I make love good and she's like and you sing good and I make love good

in America that's my interview's amazing smile that he had during that interview. It was so sick. Also, stopped a riot in Boston, which is amazing. Oh, really? Did it? Yeah, it was, uh, can you look up the specifics?

Yeah. What year was it? There's like, it was right after some verdict that had come out and, like, everybody was mad, he did a concert in Boston, everybody's freaking out. The day after MLK was assassinated. Yeah, and there's footage of him being like, no, we can't do this right now. 68. And, like, he calms the whole thing down.

And there's like a good documentary about it where they talk about it where they're like, James Brown is the only person who. could have, like, stopped that from going back. Wow. Like, yeah, just an amazing, difficult upbringing, too, which I feel like kind of feels diva-ish to me. Yes. You know what I mean? Just came up so hard.

James Brown, great pick. James Brown. And your third pick. And my third pick. Now, I'm going into the world of fictitious characters. Love it. Okay. Yeah.

And there, you know, there are a lot of iconic, you know, possibly. queer-coated, we could have gone with Scar from the Lion King. There are a lot of options here for True Davis. But I went to the universe of Frank Herbert to Dune for the Baron Vladimir Harkoning. I mean, there is no bigger bitch on the planet. There is no greater form of swaning around than having an anti-gravity device that you use to heft your enormous weight that also lets you fly around a little bit. You know, the Scars Guard interpret from the Villeneuve films, I think is toned down and boring. The man who did it in the David Lynch film,

I feel really captured the idea that this is like a slavering queen who is killing anyone who gets in their way or fucking them. You know, I want someone who will destroy planets because they are throwing a little hissy fits. So I haven't read the book, and I also haven't seen the David Lynch. Is he the character? So I only know him from... Yes, same.

Yeah. And like, he plays him very... like straight and serious and, oh, I'm a bad guy. Yeah. But like the Baron Vladimir Harconin is supposed to be someone who is like, you know, I will finger you briefly and then I will pull the plug out of your heart so that you can bleed out in front of me and I'll enjoy it while eating a chicken leg. Right. You know, exactly that kind of queen.

A little more job of the hut. Yeah. Way more job of the hut, like explicitly gay, though, was seduced only so that a woman can, could get a child out of him. But other than that, is just, you know, molesting his nephews. Fantastic. Yeah. Issaid that.

Fantastic. But like a fantastic character. You know what I? They do those. When did you first see yourselves in media sorts of things? And I always say somewhere between Ursula the Sea Witch and the Baron Vladimir Harkkonen, I was like, finally. This is great. It does.

matter. It does matter to see yourself depicted on screen. That's great. David, time for your third thing. Hold on,

David. Can you lower your mic a little bit more and like just, we just want to see your face? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there we go. Zach never made us lower our mics. Whenever I, Zach was really nice when he produced. Whenever I see you make that face,

I think you're a Conan set though where you're just watching JP go like this. Oh, that you're very serious like, your concentration face. I was just like, fuck.

David didn't walk out far enough for a way too. Oh, you are too far. That's very funny. And then they kept it in. That's fair. Because JP was like, he was like, oh, we might not keep it in.

And I was like, okay. And then I watched it. That's really funny. It was a bummer. It was good. I was very big. Your set was great. It worked out.

Yeah. My turn? Yes, it is. Everybody's going to hate this one. But I don't think, I think I'm 100% with you. I got to say Donald Trump. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, we don't need to get into his. exploits because we're not every other podcast in the world right now. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, just, yeah. Absolute diva, but it. Fuck it. Yeah.

It sucks when you don't like the music that the diva's playing. Right. No, absolutely. Because it's like so fun to be like, James Brown. Yeah, but it's like on this side, you're like, but he is doing that shit. I was recently having a conversation where I said, I do not know if he is in control of his instruments. And I think that that is so frequently true.

Yeah. I said it, let's be clear, with Charo in the room. A person who is an amazing diva and who may not be in control. She's in control of that guitar. But everything else, I don't know and I don't care. Who is this room? Yeah, really? That's a secret room.

I was shooting a small role in the Rupal's Drag Race film. Okay. So it was me, Rachel Bloom from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Charo, and then Marsha, Marsha, Marcia, a man who is the most beautiful woman I have ever been around. Awesome. Awesome. That's a pretty day.

I'm looking that up. Marsha, Marsha. Oh my God. Let me see it? Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. I got to clean my laptop.

Yeah. David got Twix commercial on it. Oh, yeah. But yeah, Trump. I think he embodies all the things that we're talking about. Just so, like, gossipy and petty. Kind of dumb in that way where you're still weirdly talented. Does that, you know what I mean?

Yes. Yeah. Like, like, weird. Like, it's like, I. I think this guy might be an idiot, but I guess he's really good at something. Knocking over the east wing of the White House to put up a ballroom. Yes. It feels like diva behavior.

Yeah, it's like nuts. Yeah, like no one really wants it. And also. I didn't even know they're still doing ballrooms. Not a lot of planning has gone into it by all accounts. Is that like they have like staircases going nowhere? The way he just talks over things. Yeah.

You know what? Yeah. Yeah. I think you got to give it to the guy. Um, you want me to take another break? Is that what you're doing? Isaac's saying, yeah, Trump rules. No, no, no.

He took a picture of himself voting for Trump. You wearing that suit gives your commands a different energy. I'm not commanding. I'm asking. All right, Mr. Barry Gordon. I'll do a break. And Donald Trump was the pick, and we're going to get to my third pick right after this short break. This episode of all fantasy.

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Welcome back to Hall of Fantasy, everything already in progress. I am going to take, I think the first true boy. The first true boy. The first true boy. There's two guys here who are twin flames, and I think they're both divas. And I want to take both of them, but I don't want to take both my picks. I'm going to take The Rock. Yeah.

Okay. I'm taking Dwayne the Rock Johnson. I like that. I like that. And I kind of want to take. would you forgive me to take both because I think these guys are Are you saying the Rock and DeWain? I'm no

I'm taking this is two different people I'm just going to do it because I think it will lead for a more interesting conversation I'm also taking Vin Diesel Oh, that's interesting Yeah They do seem the same

I think they're at odds Except Ben Diesel's more of it Because I hear he's a dick I think the Rock is probably kind of a dick I don't think the Rock is cool Really? I've said this a lot

I think that the Rock is like Disciplined and professional and very focused and I think that that would make him more difficult and there is a queeniness about Vin Diesel that I think is like real

and artsiness 100%. There is a real and I think also like his public persona I think is much more like butched up than the actual

than your actual Vin Diesel. I mean yeah his name is Vin Diesel but I think like trying yeah but I think trying to get away from just like tying divanist to like

perceived like homosexual tropes. I think the fact that like neither one of these guys is they won't lose a fight in a movie. Yes. I think it's very diva to me. And then the fact that they were like in these Fast and the Furious movies together fighting each other like would beef with each other on set

to the point where like the rock left the movies for a while and then like came back and he like this is my franchise but like we're counting punches. Yeah. That's so funny. Where it was like you only get to land seven. punches, if I land seven punches, and, like, would not lose fights ever in these moves. All for a play fight.

Yeah. No, but I feel like once upon a time in America or once upon a time in Hollywood really made us realize the way that those things do matter. Yes, yeah. Right, right. Like, if Vin Diesel loses a fight to the Rock, then it's like, oh, the Rock is descendant and Vin Diesel is descendant. It is smart.

Yeah, you got to pay attention. I just saw The Rock speaking in public recently. Yeah. And you can just tell he thought. He just felt like he was above. It felt like he didn't want to be there I saw the smashing machine Oh yeah yeah

And then he did the Q&A afterwards And he just like short answer Like just in like very prominent seating position too And where where you're like that was planned Why is he sitting like that was the smashing machine Brother it sucks Oh really? I didn't like it at all

Yeah I haven't seen it The thing is sorry go ahead Well I just I think it's they say a lot of it is because it came They don't use really any actors So it's like the rock carrying this movie without real, you know what I mean? Yeah. And it was just like, I think they picked an odd part of that guy's life.

They didn't set up stakes, so you don't really care about what's happening. And there was one major scene where you're like, this is the one that he's going to bring it home. And it just felt like he didn't deliver it to me. I think one of the very interesting things contrasting these guys is they're very different approaches to their mixed raciveness. That the rock has always been sort of like, I am. a product and I'm a product that can be marketed in a number of ways, go for it. And Vin Diesel started off his career

with sort of like a pie-end like a short film that was this deeply emotional contemplation of what this means. And it's why I think Vin Diesel, for whatever he is, is like a little bit more of an artist. I think so too, yeah. The Rock is like a better professional. Yeah. But like even in

goddamn pitch black, there's like something beautiful and complex in that man. There is, yeah. The Rock is, it's all product. It's all probably, like, because I don't know. I do feel like a lot of Vin Diesel. There is heart to the Fast and the Furious. I don't think there's very much heart to anything.

There's a lot of the Rock being a wrestler in movies, like The Rundown is being a wrestler in the movie. The Rundown is my favorite rock. The Rundown is one of the best gay, romantic comedies I've ever. I think the Rock's best movie is his Instagram. And that points to him being, you're like, you are a performance all the time. Like, you are a product all the time.

I will, I think the Rock's best movie is the list of things that he eats in a day. That's, I love, I don't mind those cheat Sundays or whatever. Oh, my God, look at those pancakes. They're tractor tires. Sheet for real. Sheet for real. Nothing's fried on there. I know.

You're eating protein pancakes. Almond butter is your cheetah. Piss my ass. There's bananas in there. Skim chocolate milk. The most sushi. The most sushi you've ever seen in your entire life. Yeah, but it's all like California roll.

Yeah, it is. Yeah. Weird. Interesting dudes. Just interesting dudes who I feel like are like very intertwined like that. Guys, I think we're never going to get to know either. No. I don't think we'll ever know.

I don't think we'll ever know. We may have to know Vin one. I wonder if we'll ever get to know Vin. I think we have a better shot. We'll get to know Mark. I think we have a better shot at that than The Rock. I don't think we're ever going to know who the Rock is. I think she might have a pivot at some later point in time.

Yeah. That comes with more information and Revelation. I think that might happen. Yeah. Here's a story that I'll tell that I can't tell. on that we'll have to edit out because it's not my story and I don't know if they'd want me sharing it so and we're back in

Sean time for your third pick well I ain't winning so I'm gonna go the King Louis from the Man in the Iron Mask the one that Leonardo Caprio was playing I can't I don't have enough to anybody know what I'm talking about I don't know if it's a man in the iron mask anywhere sort of a true story I think it's a book

it is a book but is it anywhere based in reality I think it's based on a real story isn't it maybe but anyway so this this king was born in the book uh born he was twins put his other twin in a tower with an iron mask on for his whole life a hundred percent real had had all the sex he wanted he was like trump of whatever century this would have been yeah and uh imprisoned his his twin brother louis the 14 that's louis the 14 yeah then louis the 14 the sun king yeah the sun king yeah that better than jean simmons it's great it's a great kid i don't think jean simmons was a I don't think it was a bad dick, I know.

I feel like I'm just, this isn't my, this isn't my W. You're doing great. You woke up at 5 a.m. I think you're killing him. Yeah, you already been on a plane today. You smell good. You're green. I appreciate it.

A little bit of green face. Louis XIV. Yes. Built Versailles, built a whole Versailles. Yeah. And made everyone from Paris move there. I did it. So that they had to be in his house and on his terms if they wanted to get anything done.

It's possibly the most devious behavior that has ever been done. Yeah. Hell yeah. Put his face on everything. Yeah, yeah, I love that. I do love it when people do that. Like, his spending led directly to the French Revolution. Yes.

So, like, he spent so much money and was so extravagant and the wealth disparity was so vast that, like, it led to people getting guillotine. The disconnect. They were like, we have to kill someone. Yeah, we have to kill someone. Yeah, we have to, yeah, we're like, it's trending in this country. I'm starving and there's no food. Yeah, we actually have to kill some people.

Like, no, we got to kill some guys. The disconnect, to build a town. And then be like, you all move here. Yeah. Just do. Bill, live in my skate park town. They'd be kind of tight. Skate park town?

Is that? Food carts. For shred? If it went exactly how you wanted it to, would we all move into your skate park town? Yeah, it'd be great. I would be a nice ruler, but everybody would have food. Everybody would have food. Burritos for all.

I'm just giving you Louis the 14th line. Best Louis the 14th line. Best Louie to 14th line. I forget what the situation was. But some government minister said to him, like, well, like, you have to think about the state or, like, the state can't do that. And his response was, I am the state. Come on. I don't mind it.

Yeah. Diva. Bars. All right. On time of your fourth pick? Brad Wesley from Roadhouse. Oh, wonderful. Oh, the boss?

He kind of did the same thing, Louis 14. He went, but he moved to the town and took it over. Yeah. And there's one line in there where he, this is what popped in. But so he does something. And he goes, my town. And he just, like, walks away. When he's driving on the road, just like swir-swirving, he almost hits Dalton.

He takes his monster truck to a car dealership and just runs over all the cars because they didn't, it was something finicky that he was mad at. I can't remember exactly why he did that. But that's when he's like, my town. Don't cross me. It's so, your list right now is so funny because there's a little King Louis the 14th detour. Gene Simmons, Axel Rose, King Louis XIV, and then Brad Wesley from Roeth House. It's a very Sean list. Yeah, I got to be me.

But yeah, Brad Wesley, just a diva. That's great. No, yeah. I'm going to go with my fourth pick. And I'm going to go, I'm going to, this was a phoned in from my wife, who's a big noble, had to be done. Noble heritage person. King Ludwig II.

Wonderful. Of Germany. Yes, of Bavaria, I believe. Of Bavaria, of Bavaria in absolute diva. Speaking of swanning about literally built swan boats that he put on a list or on a lake, was so obsessed with Wagner that, like, built castles, like the castle that the castle that the castle, was built by Ludwig II. And he would dedicate these castles to Wagner's like operas and orchestras, right?

Yes. He also, didn't he marry someone he was really not supposed to marry? He had a fiancé with whom he never consummated his marriage. I think he wasn't supposed to. But I think he was, I think this is somebody who was, they thought was gay, right? Oh, okay. Yeah. They called him the fairy tale king.

Well, the fairy tale, but like was obsessed with Bavarian and German fairy tales. D drowned under mysterious circumstances. Wonderful. Yeah. Under mysterious. Let me find out about the wife. Maybe those were everyone else. I think I'm thinking of a different Bavarian king.

He looks like the singer for Firehouse. Oh, that was your guy. Oh, that was my guy. Yeah, that was a community of 14. Yeah. But he also, like, likewise, bankrupted Bavaria, which was a very, very rich state

because he just would not stop building castles. Just couldn't, they were like, please don't build another castle. He was like, I won't. Build another castle. Like, after the next couple, I won't build any more castles. And then, yeah, was found, like,

drowned with his, him and one other person? A big handprint on the back of his neck. And they just, and it was like very, some people think he was murdered. Some people think it was like, oh, he just drowned. Like, I had a heart attack or a stroke while he was swimming, but he was like in his 40s or something like that. Anyway, it's just like a very divish figure. Love it.

Yeah. Let me find out a fiancé. I should, yeah, the Duchess, Sophie Charlotte of Bavaria. His cousin. Bavaria is where? Cream. Germany. Cream.

Cream. It's the creamy part of Germany. Those little hand pies, Bavarian cream hand pies, holy pockets. Why don't you keep saying hand before you say pie? It's been heavy this episode. Normally I say pie without hand in front of it. It's a good Wikipedia. That's all I'll say.

It's a fun Wikipedia. Jump in there. David, time for your fourth pick. Old dirty bastard. Yeah. Big time. Big time. One of those guys who did whatever he wanted and still could like.

Like you hear the story about him. recording, what's the Mariah Carey record? Fantasy. Yeah. And he just came in and he was shit-faced and, like, asleep. Yeah. And then he just, like, woke up and did it. And then it was an amazing, like, everything he did was like that. Taking his limo to get food stamps.

Yeah, the same thing was shimmy, shimmy, yaw. Truly lived life on his own terms, did whatever he wanted. They say that's why, like, being locked up fucked him so much because he just couldn't handle not being a completely free person. Yeah. And just, like, yeah, really talented, consumed everything. You know what I mean? Just, yeah.

There is a common thread between a lot of these people of like consumption and that being part of the diva process. And also that tragic arc, like that thing of when this person who is so much their own energy gets into that place or space

where they can't be that and it just destroys that. Yeah, yeah, never really recovered from it. Yeah. And they talk about like you hear like, I went down a weird rabbit hole of like, ghost face and Rayquan just did a thing where they were talking about it. And they were like, when he was in jail,

we all kind of left him. Yeah. And Rizza was his cousin, and he was in, and it just really, really fucked his head. They, like, abandoned him when he was in jail? They weren't, like, checking in on him like, they felt like they should have. How long was he in for? I think it was, like, a couple of years. It wasn't great.

What didn't he go to jail for? Is it money stuff? I don't even, I don't even know. Also, Ghostface Killer tells a hilarious sandwich. He said the first time he met old dirty bastard. Because Rizza put Wu-Tang together. Yeah. Like, it was, or Jiza put Wooten together, like, kind of like, an Avengers type of situation.

Yeah. So the first time he met him, he said he was sitting there, and he was just like, hey, give me some of that sandwich. Okay. So you said he tells a pretty hilarious sandwich when instead of story, when you introduced this. And my brain was like, if he doesn't bring up sandwich, you imagine that. You did say he does a hilarious sandwich. Because you were flipping it from like later in the story. But I was like, if you don't bring up sandwich, that means you're slowly slipping into some sort of mental illness.

I would also like to say that every man in this room could tell a really good sandwich. I have no question, that's true, that any of you could tell me a very good sandwich. Absolutely, yeah, I come on you to five different good sandwiches. I'll take you to the Hat and Rancho Cucamonga right now. Monty Cristo, City State, Diner, in Portland. Best sandwich there is.

But yeah, old dirty bastard. It's a Monterristo at City State. You do love that. I think that there's something within divas to me the idea of being very, very free. Yeah. And I think that guy was free. It is incumbent upon me to say that

the sandwich shop that was started by the two ladies from Vanderpump Rules is very, very good. Really? And, yeah, their California club is not one to be slept on. I do love the California Club. I do love the Club. Mario's in Glendale. Pretty good.

If you want like a big gut bomb sandwich, that one's a great one. I like that. Guy, time for your fourth and then your final thing. I would like, what do we look for in a diva? You want somebody who is amazing at what they do. You want somebody who is amazing what they do. You want someone who is tempestuous, so tempestuous, that sometimes they say, I'm not going to do the thing that I'm so good at and cause huge problems for the people around them.

And then, let's say, they caused so many problems that they ended up destroying their own life and then melting down because of that. And I'm just saying, like, I thought I had a better ramp up to this. My answer is Achilles. My answer, Achilles is the greatest Eva of all time. so good at killing people that he was like the best no one could question it and then he was like

oh you're not going to give me the slave girl that I want even though I'm gay I'm just going to sit here in my tent oops now my boyfriend's dead because of my mistake I'm going to be so sad that I am going to kill the other greatest warrior here

and drag his body around the city for seven days like no one was louder about being a problem for the people around them because they were good at their job and you know like every great diva had an Achilles heel for most of them it's alcohol

for him it was heel heel well done oh my god there it is yeah that's awesome that's perfection I got on

does Brad Pitt play Achilles and try and sadly that's what I know about Achilles yes so from what you just said it wasn't so Patrickley's in the movie Achilles would have been his lover not his cousin Okay, so that's the, like, I remember seeing this with comics from San Francisco,

and I was explaining this to, like, Mosher and Jasper Redd. And I was, like, I was so pissed off that they had made it instead of his lover, just his cousin. And I said they made it like it was his roommate. And I don't know if you guys know Jasper Red, but Jasper Red's like, man, you kill my roommate. It, like, lives in my head forever. Is that the hottest Brad Pitt? bike club fight club's the hottest

yeah both of those are really good or once upon a time in Hollywood Brad Pitt that's a good Brad Pitt I like him older I do like him older I'm I must say on top of Gina Davis

is not bad that young big lip long hair Brad Pitt River runs through it Brad Pitt River runs through a Brad Pitt he looks good he just wanted to be outside there's not a lot of bad Bradbitts

yeah that's true yeah what are we talking about parenting I would say parenting oh parenting is a bad Brad Pitt that's a blind spot for sure um guy time for your final pick oh i thought it was only four it's five i'm sorry i was really i was gonna land on um on well we'll lightning around this we won't have to talk too much about no no it's perfectly fine um but i'm going to say uh nathan lane oh yeah i'm gonna say like can do it all is you know not giving you the problems

and the difficulties but like this bitch delivers yeah every single time Nathan lane is one of my favorite just forces on the planet. I love them. I love them. So everything I've ever seen. They can't think of any mists. Yeah. Like I'm trying to, you know how usually people you're like, what's a Nathan Lane miss? He had a show on NBC. Oh, the bad

multi-cam, yeah. Yeah, that my mom's friend wrote on. Okay. Yeah. I didn't even know that. Yeah. And so it was about, like, he ran a winery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it did not last very long. But back in the day? Yeah, 90s. Yeah. Was he good in it? I don't remember.

I was a child. And he just had, he just said the multicam that they did on Hulu that didn't work, but he was magnificent on it. The producers? No,

it's the, what's his name? It's called Mid-Centry Modern. Yes, that's right. And it was him and Nathan Lee Graham and then, a hot guy playing dumb guy. Hot guy, dumb guy.

Hot guy as dumb guy. Yeah. I don't, Jimmy Tatro. Not to be obvious, but like the birdcage, Nathan Lane. Oh, yeah. Fuck me.

I mean, we didn't give that an Oscar. We didn't even think about giving that an Oscar. Insane. Yeah, like, it is one of the most virtuastic performances imaginable at a point in time when a gay guy wasn't allowed to get on a screen and do that or be that.

And also, he was technically closeted at the time. Really? Yes. But also, like, you know, okay, actually, I'm going to slip back my Nathan Lane. I'm going to take back my Nathan Lane. I'm going to say that the final male div I'm going to go with is Robin motherfucking Williams,

for whom there was no. off position, but also just the extent to which Robin Williams created spaces for, there's a guy, a brilliant gay comic in San Francisco named Skaka Perro, who never got respect because he just existed before the time when that was possible. Huge in Britain, but, like, Robin Williams made sure he was in Mrs. Doubtfire. Like, Robin Williams was Mrs. fucking Doubtfire. Like, I mean, you know, for somebody who, like, he brought giganticness to stand-up comedy in a way that wasn't imaginable.

And also, also diva behavior, the way that he would just effortlessly steal from the people around him. Oh, I'll have that. Also, make it okay. Like, that every story about Robin Williams stealing a piece of material is a loving story of a person

who mentioned it to them and got a check or had something taken care of, that it was a person you just, not unlike Charo, who, like, you could not hold anything against. Yeah, yeah. Also, in hindsight, throwing fits. Oh my God You just really had that shit off

Yeah And like God I mean like the way we would like Hang out with younger comedians And all that stuff like He did he did my show A month before he did Really?

Yeah when we were at the Holy City Well the dirty tricks Yeah He would come to the mock cafe And he would just like two or three times a year And he would just stand in the back And wait And we had audiences for the rest of the year

Because he would go up there And just perform at this shitty open mic dude that's exactly what happened that's exactly what happened to us he came the first time he didn't even do stand up he just stood in the back the only thing he said was congratulations guys this is just like the zoo

then he came back like a month later and did the show and we we were full after that all the time because he never used to come out in the city like that you know what I mean like yeah and like gigantic swings that worked and gigantic swings that did not work yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Yeah, could flop properly too, which is important with a diva. I can't believe that tension, but just came out of my mouth. Could flop properly too, which is important for a diva, which feels true, but I just said it? Weird. No, we're in it. Weird. You said it like you were just about thinking that. Let's leave in it.

Yeah, all right, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Normal. Yeah. Tight. Yeah, Robin Williams is a great pick. Your final pick, David. I have to take a wide receiver.

At it, babe. And you got Dion. Yeah. I think the newest iteration of the diva wide receiver that kind of is not a glory story like Dion, taking A.B. Antonio Brown? Wow.

Okay. Because that is, because that is, he was the best. Yeah. He was untouchable. And he's just so fucking nuts. Yeah.

Just nuts. Just can't work with him. Can't, his behavior's terrible. Too big for football. Too big for football. Yeah. But taking your shit off in a game against the NFL is like,

because I, I think I, come out against that. I hate the NFL. To me, the NFL is the fucking man. They're evil. I fucking everything about that shit is plantation. But anyways... I'm sorry, what about this system for owning black men? Do you have a problem?

I hate the NFL. It's hard for me to watch. Fully, like, ruin my favorite game. Yeah. But yeah, A.B. I think he's just that... I think it's just sometimes they do fly too close to this stuff. Yeah, destroyed by his own behavior. Explain the taking his shit off in the

game thing to me. He, it was his last game, right? He just took his pads off and was done. He was like, I'm not, and that's like, big game. That's, like, to the NFL, it's like, that's so beautiful. That's Achilles behavior. Yeah, there we go. There we go.

He is also, yeah, bad guy, but A.B. A. I'm going to take Drake. Shit. Yeah. That was going to be your last one? That was the top of my last thing. Yeah.

I think Drake is a very, very divage. 100%. I think so. He bought his own plane, painted it to look like the sky. Damn it. Again, like takes just in a Robin Williams way, but maybe perhaps less magnanimous, but just like takes things from other places

and co-ops them into his act. That's a pretty cool move, though. Buying a plane and be like, make it look like the sky. Like, there's a lot of different versions. It's awesome. A ton of different versions of the sky, though. Where you're like, sometimes it's not going to look at all like. Going after people's wives and girlfriends.

Yeah. Going after people's wives and girlfriends. Just like, talented. Talented, despite how some people. in this room I feel about his music. He sucks. He sucks, but like... Yeah, that's all you ever...

I think his music sucks, too. Like, he has some... A few hits. I think the majority of his music sucks. More than a few hits, my friend. A fight picker, I think, like, but like, someone who, like, is huge and just like, yeah, just the diva. Picks a fight and then we'll run away

in the weirdest way. And sues about it. Where he was like, how could you talk about my friend like that? It's like, bro, what... Yeah. What are you... You picked a beef with push a tea. Come on, man. What are you doing? A lion fights a lion, one of them's dying. But yeah, it's just an absolute diva. Yeah, I get that.

Aubrey Drake Graham. He sings. Aubrey-Drake-Rampec prescription. Yes. You know. Fake abs. Fake abs. Fake abs is crazy.

Come on. Marble, like, mansion full of marble floors. But also. What's comfy about a marble floor? Nothing. But real child star like chops that pulls out when necessary. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. talented funny actor extremely talented 10 years ago video or whatever what was the song with the movie he was funny in that video

he was funny in that video we thought he'd be like a movie star by now I thought he'd be in a rom-com in a different world it would have worked out better for him if you would have picked less fights it really would have worked better for him had he not kept traveling

make less money they just don't make rom-coms that's the issue I think Drake could have brought it back dude it bones me out so much it's like you put him and one of those girls from Degrassi yeah oh yeah

You know I love a rom-com. You saw when he had that video how nuts everybody went. He was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny in it. Great on the ass-piece. Sean? Great on the ass-piece.

Great on the ass-pice. Dennis Rodman. Oh, yeah. Tragic, too. Tragic, that guy. Oh, yeah. His story is so, so sad. So hard.

Dennis Rodman. Yeah. And then now it's tragic. Like, he's like, his relationship with his kid, all that shit. Yeah. He's just hanging out in Korea. Dennis Rodman is tough. Why is it tragic?

North. North Korea, sorry, South Wales makes way more sense. Dennis Rodman, like, his mom didn't want him. He got kicked out. He grew really big, he grew huge one summer, and that's how he ended up being like basketball size. Went to college in southeastern Oklahoma. Yeah, something like that.

Was taken in by a white family, but then like the wife ended up calling him the N-word and kicking him out. Oh, wow. Like, he just has, like, he's been, like, rejected on really major levels. like fell in love with the Pistons thought that he had found family and then it's basketball so the team got broken apart and it like

he kind of never recovered from that right? Yeah, on the Bulls he was like he disappeared to Las Vegas for like 72 hours and Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen had to go get him. Yeah, yeah. So do we understand him to be as like third best of the classic Bowls or is that an incorrect understanding

from that first of that iteration? Yeah, for like so sublimely talented defense and rebounds. A thing that nobody wants to even be talented out. Like tenacious in a way, like puts his body on the line, like sacrifices. Yeah. Like such a team guy. And then like when you talk about all this stuff like the queer stuff where he's like, that's the first place I ever felt comfortable.

Yeah. People accepted me. And then like, and then now his life where he's like can't seem to figure it out how to be a father in the way that he would like to be. His daughter is one of the best soccer players in the country. Oh, really? Trinity Rodman. That's so cool.

Yeah, but he doesn't have a relationship with her, sad. Yeah, it's like a man. Yeah, guys, he's so interesting. I didn't mean to bring it down. No, no, he's great pet. Yeah, he's so interesting. And then when they talk about, like, his work ethic when he was on the Bulls, where it was like, they were like, hey, he goes away, but, like, when we're here,

he does the work. He would, like, study, like, release angles of, like, a basketball off the backboard, so he would know where to be, like, maniacal about, like, this one thing. Yeah, that's pretty safe. If the ball's spinning like this, it's going to go over here, like that kind of shit. Yeah. At the time of the power forward, right? Yeah.

People weren't late. Like, the way he played basketball was so crazy. Yeah. Excellent final pick. Isaac, do you have a pick? I do. I wrote this name down, and Zach next to me was like, dude, you got to take this one. Yeah.

Isaac Cayley. Zlatan Ibrahimovich. Oh, absolutely. You guys know Zlatan. Have you heard of Zlatan? I don't know who this is. He is a soccer player. He's extremely tall, Swedish man.

who everywhere he goes, he's basically such a center of gravity that he can't stick on a team for longer than two years. He's a third person or for real? He's a third, yeah, he refers to himself as a thought time. I love that. He's the best player on Sweden?

Sweden, yeah, yeah. Sweden. And his team was like trying to make the World Cup, right? And they didn't. So they like, they lost the game that would have made him the World Cup and they were interviewing him. And he's like, are you sad that like

the World Cup isn't like, or that Sweden isn't going to get, to go to the World Cup. He's like, the World Cup should be sad that they don't get Zlatan. Yeah. And he calls him to slaton. I mean, that's cool.

That's pretty tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The level of self-love, like, I aspire to that. Like, he really thinks he's the best in his mind. And he was great. At his prime,

he could just score from anywhere. It was insane. He could bend it like Beckham. Well, there you go. Sure. He could bend it like Beck. That wasn't his strong suit. He would bend it.

Like that movie where James McAvoy shoots Cricket Bullets? Yeah. Wanted? Or that movie, bend it like Beckham. Or that movie got it, like, back. I try to work and wanted whatever. Harper, do you have a diva?

I sure do. He famously ran up like $20,000 bills at TGI Fridays. He traveled without packing. Shane Torres? He would just buy new outfits in every city when they were on the road. Alan Iverson didn't want to practice. He was so good at everything. Shout out to Bubba Chuk.

A true diva. Virginia, man. Virginia. Something in the water. It's crazy. It's really crazy. $20,000 bucks at TGF Reddit. To recap.

I don't even know how. I don't know how you do that. You'd have to be there a while. That's so many Southwestern Aigrules. And they have periods where it was like bottomless riblets. Yeah? He's running up 20K on bottomless. I want to pay for him.

Guy, you went first. You took Freddie Mercury, James Brown, the Baron Vladimir Harkon, Achilles, and Robin Williams. David, you went second. You took Prince, Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump, the O.D.B. Antonio Brown. Walk into a bar. I went third.

I took Elton John Dionne Sanders, The Rock, and Vin Diesel, Ludwig II, and Drake. Sean, you went last? I don't want to be last. You took Gene Simmons, Axel Rose, King Louis the 14th, Bradlett, Wesley from Roadhouse,

and Dennis Rodman. Mail divas all. We want to hear your picks. Hit us up at All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com. Shout to everyone on the AFE Patreon. Shout to everyone on the AFE subreddit, the AFE Shaslackety.

Shout out to Mega producer, Isaac Lee, on the ones and twos. And his protege, Zach Hart, over there? Absolutely. His shadow? I will not be returning. The Scott Storch to his, Dr. Dre.

Oh, no. Damn. Guy. I was just thinking about how much cocaine this entire draft was doing. Oh, yeah. Then you added Scott Stoich. I was going to take Maradona, who was like a real cocaine guy. A lot of cocaine.

Guy, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for having me. Go see Be fruitful. Go watch hacks. Listen to hoax, too. with Guy, but for sure, watch Hacks. And more important than all that, tune in again next week to another brand new episode

of all fantasy, everything. Shaglackety!