All Fantasy Everything - Mini Things (w/ Rory Scovel) + Movies Directed By Actors (w/ Doug Benson)

Episode Date: October 23, 2025

An unprecedented two-part episode! This makes up for every time we promised a part 2 and didn't follow through.Guests:Rory Scovel (@roryscovel)Doug Benson (@youdontknowdoug)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Full disclosure. Usually we go in person. Right now we're on Zoom. Usually we do full drafts. Right now we're doing a mini draft. The reason we're doing that is because we have our dear friend Rory Scoville here. And Rory, not only we're going to do a little mini draft and have a little fun, but also Rory has a special announcement for everybody. Rory. That's right

folks. I'm going to be performing at the Aladdin Theater in you know it. This is a home game. This is a home game, really. I'm not even from Portland. It feels like a home game. That's how good these crowds are. We sold out an early show at Aladdin Theater on October

23rd and we added a late show and these guys were nice enough to let me come on here and let you guys know about it. So if you're wanting to see a stand-up show of my new hour, I'm going to be in Portland October 23rd. Next week.

It's happening. Tonight. Tonight. It's literally tonight. It's tonight. It's tonight. Tonight. You'll be at this.

Listen to this and immediately. Pause it. Pause it right now. Buy the ticket. Come right back here and listen to this. Show Rory that you're listening to it and he will give you a big wet. Yeah. You're right.

Keep going. If you want to listen to the old hour. And then whatever that third word is, it's just what it depends on your vibe. Just a big old wet. If you guys want a big old wet, come on down. To not say what it is is the grossest version of it. To let our own imaginations run wild as grosser. He's giving you a big wet.

My buddy Big Wet, he just got out. He came to the show with me. Yeah, my big, my buddy, big wet. Big wet, fuck stain. Who let this big wet on the floor? Sorry, babe. I was drinking last night. There's a big wet on the chair.

It's crazy how just the description. of the thing we don't even pinpoint is so much grosser. Hold on. Sean's powers just went out. I'm sorry if you guys could. What happened? Oh, that's incredible.

Sean did it. That's Big Wet. You don't ever want to tempt the fate the powers of the Big Wet. Well, Sean's in Wet Town, South Dakota. Yeah. If you say Big Wet three times in Wet Town, South Dakota, then Big Wet comes.

Yeah, it's a Candyman kind of vibe out there when you go Big Wet. But wetter, but wetter. Candyman, Bloody Mary, and Big Wet. Featuring Candyman, Bloody Mary featuring Big Wet. I think that's a New Jack swing tour, actually. My favorite Penn and Pixel album is a, it was the single for Candyman featuring Big Wet. Wait, Sean's really gone.

What happened to all? John might be gone, Sean. The power. We just watched on Zoom. For you listeners, we watch the power. We watch the power go out on Zoom. She's gone, gone, gone. Yeah.

Gone gone. All right. Well, Isaac's the new Sean. Let's do it. I'll jump in. Yeah. We're drafting mini stuff. It might be good for you.

For just the three of you to draft, while Sean is gone because we don't have a lot of time anyway. Oh. Yeah. I guess we could just do the three of us. Just for us three rowdy boys could do it. And we see if Sean comes back. And if he comes back, he just jumps in and he catches up with quick picks. Yeah.

We're going to let the two of you then determine the order of today's draft through a rollic and game. Oh, he's back. Oh, he's back. Yes. Maybe. Jesus Christ. Maybe. Maybe.

I'm so sorry. There he is. Did you guys lose power? It looked so dark. No, I got a call. I forgot to put my shit in airplane mode. And I got a fucking. That's so crazy that a call made it look like South Dakota just got bombed.

One call from Big Wet and it would. Yeah, sorry. There was, like, part of me that thought maybe someone was going down in South Dakota. I'm so excited to see what our phones all feed us from saying Big Wet in its presence so many times. I think I know exactly what it's going to feed me. If you're listening to the same thing it did yesterday in the day before. Yeah, it's been Big Wet for a while. Yeah, I've actually been seeking out Big Wet for quite a few years, really a few years.

My doctor has, my doctor says I have what it's called Big Wet Seeky. behavior. Staring my family apart. BWSB? Oh my God. You have BWSB. I'm just like my father. Big Wet the bride.

Sean, the three of you are going to play rock paper scissors and we throw on shoot. All right. Here we go. Rock paper scissors shoot. All right, David wins. David, what is the order of the mini draft? We're doing three rounds. We're drafting mini things.

David, Sean, Rory, Ian. David, Sean, Rory, Ian. David, you have the first pick. David, what will the first pick in the many things draft be? Golf, baby. Come on. Top tier.

Yes. Hand-holding. Oh. It's like, it's like what everything I want from real golf with more whimsy. It's good when it's expensive. It's good when it's really cheap and weird. It's like pizza, baby. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's always good. What did you guys? Did you grow up mini golf and we used called goofy golf? Put-putt, we did the put-putt. It's the same thing, though, right? It's all the same.

I don't know what Goofy Golf, though. That might be some mouth. Goofy Golf. Goofy golf. We had a whole, like, everything had its own theme. Every hole had its own theme. Yeah. Like a windmill or something blocking the hole.

That's mini golf. That's mini golf. Yeah. Well, Kelly Jordan called it Goofy Golf, and I thought it was cute. I think your mom called it. Yeah. She's creative. You know what I call Goofy Golf?

the LPGA. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Ian's going to his, Ian's going to a Kingspery today. I can't believe how many people are now not coming to my show. No, they're rejecting me and they're coming to you. He's on the side of the street going, Kings, please. I also have a show. I also have a show tonight.

And if I want real Americans to come to that one, don't go to Rory's like 301, baby. We're just glad you guys are listening to this on Rumble. What an incredible way to promote that nowadays. I want real Americans with my show. Real American. Brother? I want my brother there. I want my brother.

If I see one Cambodia national at my show, I'm going to be peeved. I'm going to be hotter than God's hottest piss, dude. That's a good one. I like that. I've never heard that. What? Hotted than God's hottest piss.

Oh, thank you. He'd make it up. Or is that a colloquialism? That's art. I made it up. That's art right there. Cool. That's been over a minute, boys.

Just a little mini moment of art. Oh, minigolf. All right. Sean, time of your first thing. Can I pick. Minneapolis. Wow. Wow.

I don't think so. Why not? I love it. Because it's not miniature. And it's a twin. And it's a twin. It's a smaller version of Apple. There's a layers.

There's a layer. It's a Little Appalice. I like it. All right, fine. I won't. There's the big apple and then there's the Little Apple. A lot of people don't know that. Minneapolis is actually just a rip off of New York.

Yeah. I'll go, I'll go mini fridge. I like a mini fridge. Mini fridge. Yeah. When I first moved into. By myself, I thought I was going to get a mini-fridge by my bed, like, for lovers. I had that idea, too, where, like, dude, I'll just crack a beer.

If I want a beer, it's right there. I can have it in bed. I don't even have to get up. Refreshment for lovers. I can have one right after I brush my teeth when I lay down to go to bed. I've never owned a mini-fridge. No, neither are. Time to come clean.

I don't even know if they're expensive. I had one. Yeah. And it was great. After college, you got to really debate how long you want to keep that. How long you want to keep that bedside? Yeah, like how many moves is that going on? Yeah.

He takes up a lot of space, especially if you're moving in your car. Well, I can't bring any of this stuff because I got to get the mini fridge and that's most of the backseat. Well, you put all your toiletries in the mini fridge. Yeah, yeah. There are ways to be smart about it for sure, yeah. Just you know a maxi fridge now. It's a huge wall of fridge. Restaurant industrial-sized.

Yeah. That's my next move. I don't have a, does anybody here have an outside, like a garage? fridge or freezer? I had one and I got to say it is, it feels great. Get on, get on Craigslist or whatever. Find a fridge for

20 bucks that someone's just got to get rid of. You can probably find one for free. Road in the garage. Fill that thing with beer and you will feel like a king. You'll actually love having to go to the garage to grab a beer. It feels so good

to do that. It feels a little it's a little colder outside so you get A little colder. For two seconds. Yes. We used to, in the Midwest, we would just keep all of our sodas in the garage and they would just, they would just freeze because it was freezing outside. Yeah.

You almost put it into a fridge to keep it from freezing. Yeah. We just put it. We just put them in the garage and be like, all right, we'll go to the big outdoor big wet freezer. That's been a minute. Big wet. It's been a minute.

Your first pick. All right. I got a little off the beaten path here. So you guys tell me if you accept these as answers or not. And if not, I've got backups. but I was going to go with lowering the adjustable basketball hoop in your neighborhood

so it becomes a mini hoop and everyone could now dunk I would make it huge, huge, huge, I mean that's just that was culture, that was growing up culture we would play all don't stick in there broomstick, oh my God, drop it down you had to have the broomstick and you don't even know why did they make it

that you required a broomstick to do it I have no idea. Design flaw, they got too excited when they were building it, they didn't really think about that. I remember when that first was a thing and you dunked and you already knew even as a kid you were never going to really dunk. And they were like,

what if we bring the hoop down to where you live? And you're like, thank you. Bring it down to my altitude. Did you ever go crazy on a mini hoop and then feel like possibly that could transfer to real basketball and then you go to school and you're like, oh, no, I'm still. It gave me false confidence.

I'm still super mad. A hundred percent. My experience on the on the lowered hoop was one of was one of disappointment because I was like well I don't jump higher so I can't do it like I'm touching rim I'm grabbing rim but like I'm still only doing basic I'm still just doing those sort of like I'm still doing layups like 1960s dunks you know and we're doing we're doing big guy don't stuff yeah no we're doing shacks we're doing shacks we're doing shacks 60s yeah yeah it's not like you're not coming for the free throw line That was crazy.

Somebody just told me Rory's really good at basketball. Who told you that? He said you're really great at passing. Dude, it's my favorite. I grew up loving Magic Johnson. Loved Magic. That's my favorite of all time. Watching Magic Johnson highlight clips passing the ball.

So fucking good. Jason Williams also great. Oh, yeah. It was Levi McDougal. Oh, white chocolate. Oh, nice. Yeah. He said, and he said it crazy the way he said,

you know who got dimes? I've never once described myself as having dimes It was Levi McDule and Bobbito Garcia We're talking I said I saw him do the Jason Williams off the elbow joint

And I was like, man I wish I'd be that dream I've never done that but that'd be an absolute dream Even when you watch that video You can't understand how it happened Dog, I saw a video, though, where he was saying he was like, he was like, I also only did it like three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, he wasn't like in his, it just worked that one time. Yeah. It's funny when you go look up his stats because it's like, you're like, you're like, you're like, I assume it was 20 and 10, but he was like four point three points and like two assists a game. And he was just, when he was in, it was so beautiful. Yeah. Yeah.

It was just, it was so beautiful. It was like literally someone just grabbed a guy from like the playground, streetball and was like, this will work. Yeah, you're in the league now. Really white chocolate I've ever believed in. Yeah, regular right chocolate sounds that good. It doesn't taste great. Whoa, no, that's not that.

No, that Alpine white. The flavor itself is great. Oh, I didn't know what you were saying. I mean, basketball's basketball players, Alpine white chocolate. Some of that Alpine white, baby. Oh, yeah. That's what Sean's talking about.

So, real quick, on the adjustable hoop, I grew up in apartments. And I knew other kids that grew up in apartments. So this kid, Josh, he was like, hey, I got an adjustable hoop, a brand new adjustable hoop. He said that. I go to his house,

and what he had done is he had made a little hoop out of duct tape and put it on a chain link fence. And he told us that was his adjustable hoop. That's the real street ball. He invited us over to dunk on it

and we're like, Josh. We're like, we're going to literally the first dunk is this is over after the first dunk. He said, he goes, you can't touch it or anything. He can't, yeah,

I can't touch the rim. It is crazy. You got to pretend it's warm-ups. You got to pretend it's college warm-ups. You're not allowed to. dunk, you have to get as close to touching the rim as possible. Nobody hits the quarterback. The boys are coming over

to dunk. Yeah. It was, and then he started rollerblading. Yeah. Time for my first to second pick. Sounds like a cool guy if he's rollerblading. First and second picks. Number one pick, mini corn dog. Shit. I'm not going to lie.

Parallel thought. Love it. Love that. It is the right size for a corn dog to be. Yes. Yes. I mean, I got pushed back a little bit. Corn dog is This size corn dog is a bit much. No, it is not. Well, can I, can I argue on Ian's behalf here? Can I jump in?

Please, please. When you get a regular-sized corn dog, it's obviously great. It's blissful. But when you have many corn dogs, you feel less guilty. And in the end, you ate more than a whole corn dog. You had like six corn dogs. You don't proceed with the guilt in your brain. There's no stick.

You don't have to run into the stick halfway through. And that really bugs me out. No waste. The end of a corn dog is always kind of a weird time. You got to push it up. You have to take the pants off and push it up. And you're like, what are we doing? You mean like where you're at in your life?

Oh, yeah, when you got to push it up, like the stick is like falling down the stick. Or you just gag yourself with the stick trying to be cool and then you barf all over the place. That was you trying to be cool? Hey, guys, look at this. Everyone's on the grid in line for the grammatron. I'm like, Sean's deep throating the corn dog. That's right. Sean's sliding up on a long board.

Yeah, get him another one. You got rid of the one he already finished. You guys know what all the chicks at the fair like, right? It's deep throat and the corn dog and the zipper line. Ian, what's your condiment choice when you're going into the corn dog? It's been a journey for me because I definitely spent some time in difficult mustard. He's like Bob Ross. He's just got a whole palate.

Well, I definitely, I had a period of my life when I was like, give me the, give me like the spiciest mustard you have. Give me like a complex Dijon. And I think I'm now at a place in my life with a corn dog where I'm just, give me your like standard ketchup, yellow mustard. I think the beautiful thing about the corn dog, and strangely enough, it doesn't necessarily work with an actual just hot dog. But I think almost any condiment can work.

This is right. With a corn dog. If someone said ranch, you go, I can make it work. ketchup, mustard. Obviously, I can make a barbecue sauce. You got it. If someone gave you a plate of mini corn dogs and put hot, melted cheese all over it, you'd be like, this is great.

Yeah. I'll eat this. I dip it in jam. If you're eating a corn dog, nothing else is absurd. Because that's an absurd food. So you're already, I'm already having the absurd food. You're already at the circus. You're already at the circus.

Yeah. Mini horse is my second pick. Oh, yeah. That's hard. I love seeing it. I know it's not a practical animal, but I love seeing it. For us. I texted these guys before the recording.

I said, I bet Ian gets the cutest quickest. I bet he gets to the cute before we all do. I'm a little stinker. It's just such a good trot. Just watching it trot out there. Because it thinks it's big. It thinks it's a normal horse. It thinks it's a normal horse.

That just adds to how adorable it is. It's false hope. Yeah. And this might be a stupid question. Do they have many big horses? Like, are there mini Clydesdales? That's a great question. That's maybe the best question that's everyone has on this podcast.

So, wait a, hold on, hold on. What's a mini horse? I thought a mini horse was a mini big horse. Well, it is, but not like the style of horses. Like, you know how Clydesdales are so huge? I do. Yeah. You have many Clydesdales.

Oh, interesting. Which I guess is just a St. Bernard. I don't really know. Because do you get a mini horse the way you get like a poop? Yeah. You know you can get a pool version of anything Where it's like you breed any dog with a poodle And then it's like a same for noodle or whatever

Yeah Is there like a small horse that you can breed a Clydesdale with They get a little, that's the question I don't think the one would take it I don't think it'll be able to take it That Clydesdell I mean you guys know Clydesdale's fuck They fuck yeah

Clydesdale's fuck That's what we're going to pick up They're dead after that guy Clyde They better use those And you guys all know about Clyde. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You think there's a guy named Clyde who calls Glendale Clydesdale?

He just walks around naked. Or you go to the Americana? Yeah, that's right. You hit no Clydesdale's? Yeah, you're in up Clydesdales. Mini horse is great. Roy, time for your second pick. Guys, my second pick is going to be the mini blizzards at Dairy Queen.

Oh, that's right. Now, now, we all know Dairy Queen offers a variety of sizes, but it makes, there's, they're actually still too much. Like the small is too much. Dairy Queen decided to fuck all the sizes up. And the mini is actually perfect. It's also perfect because you could have two different flavors, mini size. And, you know, I'm always torn with a blizzard. Oh, I've never even thought about that.

Give me two minis. Give me two different mini's. I tried to open a tab at Dairy Queen one time because I said I'm going to want to get about a flight. I want to get a flight of minis but I didn't want them all at once because the second and third one would start to melt and the woman was like yeah we just we don't do that here so I had to go up and pay with my credit card three separate

that is such a good social bid to go to a fast food place and be like just leave it open just leave this open I might come back for a Mick chicken I'm probably going to want more just let me That blizzard's being too big is real And that's an adult-ass conversation Yeah When you see someone

Where it's not too much ice cream, brother When you see someone with a large blizzard You're like Oh, you you'd have nothing together in your life You are You're You're Where else are you going to go today?

Where else are you going to go today? Yeah Nowhere You got a brownie battered blizzard XL? I know your bedroom floor looks like I mean imagine also If you got like a If you got like a cookie dough

blizzard large. You've just eaten two full tubes of raw cookie. You must be an orphan. You must have raised yourself because that's no home tree. You're making, that's big wet. You're making orphan choices. Raw cookie and big wet.

They're coming over. Sean, time for your second pick. I'm going to pick those mini cereal boxes. You can get a pack of like eight of them. Oh, that's great. Those were cool. I remember because they're like just enough for a bowl, but also you could get, I think they would do like

Apple, Jacks, Corn Pops, Honeycris. The classics. What's the one with the frog? Honey smacked. And then Frosted Flakes. They would do those four, you get two of each. Honey smear. Yeah. I mean, that was like, honestly, what you just said was like the dream team, the 1994 dream team of cereal was what

you just said. Yeah, they were awesome. That was camping for us. We would take those camping. Like you, that's how that I associate that heavily with like, wait, was there a 1994 dream team? I didn't want to say it. Okay, okay.

You talk, don't talk to Roy, basketball, Rory, like that. Guys, I'm talking about the 2037 dream team. He's talking about Lilyhammer, dude. He's talking about the brave figure skaters we sent to Norway. Just a bunch of the skews who played pickup basketball at Lilyhammer.

You think about a different dream team. Different team, different dream. Really a matter of opinion at this point. different team different dream that's a great t-shirt have the weirdest front to it of like what's that mishmash of people different team different team different team different elementary school kids different dream different team it's the cast of another steak out yeah yeah different team different dream those little cereal boxes made me feel like we had money too for some reason they made me feel different kinds of cereal yeah it was yeah it was I don't know I don't

what it was but so you have a buffet in your house you got you got cash yeah talking about yeah uh great david time for your second and then your third and we'll make it a lightning round on that third okay second sorry i i know sean just picks this but i got to say frosted mini weets yeah yeah never has a mini eclipse the maxi in that way there's no like there's no regular shredded wheat enthusiasm have you ever had it it's a mess oh i can't it's a mess isn't it's a giant like cube it's like a biscuit it's not a big ass pillow it's not yeah it's ugly it it's so soggy, so fast, it's so nasty. It's like the

thing of hay that they get out of a field for horses. It feels like it was invented by a nation at war. Like, you must have been distracted when it happened. I feel like it's WW2 in Korea. Yeah. Yeah. So many Frosty Mini Wheats. And then my final

lightning pick, you ever see when those guys on Instagram make the mini meals, like the little tiny meals? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Miniatured food thing. Love that. Make like a tiny omelet. Oh, it's a That is so satisfying to watch. It's the best. The ability to have that kind of patience is insane to me.

And dexterity. I just don't have the fingers for them. Their marriage is in shambles, but they can sit in the garage and do that. Oh, I bet she brings it up. I bet she brings it up. You're out there with your tiny quails. Does any part of you long for that? I long for that.

A tiny quail? No, like just that kind of hobby. I know, yeah. Oh, yeah. I wish I knew how to make like fishing lures or something. You know, at 45, I think I fully understand the go into your basement and start building the elaborate train set with the villain. I think I get it now.

I used to never understand the joy of it, but now I'm like, oh, you get to create a little world. The replica of the town you grew up in, like, you know, like, you do's style. Yes, 100%. I would love it. My dad started getting into that, like, right around the divorce. Yeah. That's, I think that tracks. I'm not going to be good on a dating.

profile, but I can see the interest. I can see the interest. I'm going to get into knives that also have brass on tuckles on them and collect those. That'll be the thing. Cobra. You're talking about Cobra? Laura, I got a new hobby.

I just show up. Yeah, look at me. I bought a hundred of them. Sean's really into swap meat weaponry. It's both staff has poison on the ends of it, so don't touch it. All of these are legal. I can take these to the swap meat, and no one's going to question i can fly with it i got to check the bag but yeah i can get it to denver your final

pick sean uh do you guys remember cinnaminis from burger king yeah yeah those tiny little mini cinnamon rolls yeah i don't that sounds great they'd come in four packs and uh yeah just a cinnamon roll it was a cinnamon roll split up into four little cinnamon rolls but cineminis and i think they have mini cinnabon i think there's like cinnabon minis i think yeah synobon they did scale down they'll let you get a little one now yeah kind of kind of that is why the cinemines haven't been around for years. That's what I want to take, but essentially I'm taking mini-cinibon. Yeah, I like that. That reminds me of the French toastics. Big Sinabon is like insane. Those were

those French toasts where I'm like, wait, so instead of the fries is French toast, instead of the ketchup and syrup, this is perfect. You just dip it in the syrup. Exactly. God, it was amazing. There was a time frame when when we didn't know and we lived so freely. Isn't that? Oh, 90s. The croissant witch, French toastics. When you were just like, this is food. Uh-huh. It's just food. It's breakfast. I'm starting my day.

Yeah. For the record, now that you've, now that we've gone through it, I would have been okay with Minneapolis. But David, David put his foot down this time. Yeah. You know, the problem is now I realized that I had something that it was off the beaten trail and I

couldn't do when I'm pissed. Well, you went too quick. At the end, let's all say, because I had one really that wouldn't have ridden. So at the end, let's all say one goofy pick too,

but real quick. I got a goofy pick too. But here's my, is it mine or you, it's you, Ian? It's you, Rory. Oh, my third pick is going to be microdosing. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. And that's just, you know, that's healthy. That's more of a health conscious PSA than it is just a fun pick. It's turned into the way that I take mushrooms. Yes, it is the way. If you're like, I don't want to, I'm not trying to lift weights. I'm trying to just walk through the gym. I know enough people who microdose.

I'm getting my steps into that. That's it. There's enough successful people that microdose for them. Like, it is good for you. I swear to God. It's not, it's just a little, a little day enhancer. I, I'm a big fan. Just a tip.

I really love it. Just a little tickle. Little tickle, you know. I'm going micro with my last one too. I'm going with micro machines. Yes. My favorite toy when I was a kid. Remember the commercials?

They talked all fast. That guy, the micro machine guy. Yeah. Micro machine guy. Kevin leaving them all over the floor. Yeah, I remember. How did they know that's what they wanted for that commercial? Like what linked.

his talent with that product. And also it worked so smart because you all remember. I mean, even now, that was the first, David's first thought was remember the guy. I'd like to think he pitched himself. He came in, he said, listen. Yeah. You think it's like a one-man show.

Like, yeah, that guy invented micromachines. He talks bad. It's all of the piece. It did feel that way. Yeah. Like he, this is just his world. And when he died, you haven't seen micromachines since. Yeah.

And you don't care about him anymore. You're like, yeah, if everyone's talking at a normal speech, I'm not interested in that. It was not a great toy in that they always got so lost. Well, yeah, and they were, like, other toy companies were like, we need to make stuff that's safe for kids, and they

were like, what of the entire line was choking hazards? Yeah. Everything's a choking hazard. It's nuts to think about. No matter what we put out, it's a choking hazard. And here's the kicker. These are four children. These are four children. It's four kids.

Were they? How much were they? I never had any. you would get like a pack of them they would come you'd get like a bunch you get like five and they would try to figure out ways to like you know group them like oh these ones are all monster trucks

or these ones are all sports cars or these are all good for getting pussy in yeah yeah exactly and they were right they were right dad you took all my pimp wagons yeah

I said favorite toy they weren't my favorite toy but they were up there I had a lot favorite toy was a book that's right honestly probably was smart little good book

a little nerdy little dude that's the final pick to recap David you took mini golf Frosty Mini Wheats and those little mini meals they make on Instagram Sean you took a mini fridge mini cereal and cinnamonis

Rory you took a mini hoop the mini blizzard and microdosing I did the mini-corn dog mini horse and micro machines Isaac do you have a mini pick Yeah I'll take the synthesizer mini-mogue Have you ever heard the mini-mogue

Oh there is incredibly influential synth You've heard it a million times on a million records Yeah, love it. It's also the most fun-sounding instrument for people who don't know how to play any instruments. It's the one that makes you think you could learn to do it even though you kind of know you can't. You're like, wait, am I secretly like the best guy in the world?

Yeah, exactly. I just haven't tried yet? Yeah. Should I be in a band? Should I have been in a band this whole time? The goofy one I wanted to say was a New Zealander saying the word many. Mini Mini

I'm going to say like mini driver I was going to take Micronesia shout out to Nick Mampay Nice My goofy pick was going to be movie trailers Because it's kind of like a mini movie I almost would rather watch trailers

That actually go see the full movie Most of the time Yeah these days yeah for short Also just before we get out of here Do you guys know what Dean Coons looks like No No No

Oh, my God. What? David Bori. Holy bucket. That's crazy, right? David, I swear to God, if you have a show that has a projector and a screen behind you, you could close on before I get out of here. Do you guys know what Dean Coons looks like? Have that pop up.

Take the mic out of the mic stand, drop it, and walk off. People will be like, that's the best ending doing a comedy show I've ever seen my life. I'm going to call Laura right now and tell me about that. That was so funny. That was so funny. No one pictured that he looked like that. What he ever thought? I almost peeping.

Even he can't believe that's what he looks at. Part of me just wants to never know what led you to that moment. How did you get there? No, no. That's a great question. That'd be a mystery. Yeah. Write it down, though.

Write down how you got there. Write it down and have it. Do like back to the future, too. Have it mailed to each of us, but it's not delivered to us until 2050. Yeah. It'll be like a letter that says, In the event of my demise.

Let us know what happens to your Instagram for you page after hearing Coontz and Big Wet this often on a podcast. Rory is at the Aladdin theater tonight. Go see him. Tonight, folks. It's no joke. Roy is one of the best stand of comedians on the planet that I've ever seen been one of my favorite.

I mean, it's just go see Roy. If you don't go to the show. Guys, I made them say that, but I do, I do think it's a good show, but I did make them, I gave them a little bit of cash. I said, and when we closed it. It's actually he, him, but I appreciate it. He's so good, I thought he had a German accent for a year one time. Yeah.

Because I saw you at Bridgetown, and it was my first Bridgetown. I was new to comedy. Nobody told me you weren't a German guy. He was this German dude coming up. Wow, Bridgetown has really expanded. Yeah. Who's this German? He's standing up on stuff.

International department. He flew here for $250 in a room share? Well, he actually, he's addicted to a loo donuts. But seriously, if you're in Portland, if you're free tonight, or if you have plans you can easily move, you have to go. Or we'll kill you. Come on out. Thank you, guys.

Thanks for this. I appreciate it very much. Yeah, of course, man. It's so fun. Now the other episode, enjoy an extra long one, fellas. Good luck. Welcome to another brand new episode of all Fantasy Everything, the podcast that fantasy drafts anything and everything from the world of popular culture.

On today's episode, we are drafting movies directed by actors. Our guest today is our good friend, a wonderful stand-up comedian, a phenomenal podcaster himself. A trailblazer in the industry. Someone to whom I believe we owe a large swath of our listenership, especially early on putting us on. Boy, he don't like me doing this. But, yeah, I owe most of it to you. So, thanks. No, I like when Ian does it.

Ducks told me to can it quite a few times. It's Doug Benzin. Who else could it be? Well, because drug Sean Jordan has to make his point multiple times. That's what I don't like. No, no, no. No, but thank you. No.

No. No, no. No, no. Are you bleeding? Are you doing the bleak? Yeah. And it's way more emotional when he's drunk, too. Yeah.

I've been at the bar for a few hours already, so Today? No, God, no, I was kidding. I don't know, I don't know. It's not completely off the table sometimes. It's noon. Yeah. But it's not beyond the pale. I mean, I have a snort in between shows. Oregon is playing Northwestern right now. You could have went to catch the old college football. I know that.

You don't know that. Shut up, dude. You shut up, dude. Keep going. All right. Fuck you. Fuck Sean. This is all fans. He's stupid. I hate him, bro. I wore pants today for you. I wore pants too. We both wearing pants.

I'm sure you can pick up on this just audio-wise. And if you're watching, you know, Sean and I are both wearing brown pants. Yeah, we are. We just do an outfit checking on the top of every pod now for everybody. Camel Gap? You guys should switch outfits next pod. That'd be great. I wonder if we could now.

Might be able to. I think you could. Yeah. I can see that. Because you're getting porky. Damn. That's what they're like. The old meat in the middle. You gain and I lose and we'll share clothes. We'll share clothes. Laura Ian said I'm Porky.

I'm not, all right? I'm flying home tonight. Was Porky's directed by an actor? No. Porkies was directed by a pervert, I think. All right, now let's have the boobs fly across the screen. No, he also directed a Christmas story. Really?

The guy that directed Porchis. Bob Clark directed Porkies, and he directed the most popular body movie and the most popular family movie. And you can see a little bit of each and both. Yes, you can. There's sprinkles of each. The most popular movie. Body movies. He was looking at all those.

Body B-A-W-D-Y. I'm thinking body. Body movie. You guys want to get together and want some body movies later? I guess I should say he went from a glory hole movie to the glory of Jesus movie. There he is. A lot of getting your tongue stuck to stuff? I guess nobody got their tongue stuck to anything in Porky.

Not our camera. No. But they'd like to. No. Yeah. The weather was better in Porky. There's this, it was set in Florida, right? Porky's?

It was like in a swamp somewhere. Angel Beach. You know, like it was someplace where there was like kind of forest or what it. Because the cop says a bunch of Angel Beach assholes. Oh, okay. I don't think I've ever seen the whole thing. I don't think I can. Maybe the Angel Beach assholes like come inland to go to Porkies.

Florida. I knew it. Yeah. I was a big Porky's kid weird thing. It seems weird. It seems weird. If you have access to Porkeys as a kid, you're going to be a bit of Porky's kid. It wasn't going to get in one.

Watch once. And it's that when you became a lifelong fan of Kim Cottrell? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why you didn't watch and just like that because they didn't have Samantha on it. Yeah, it's a justice for poor kids. Big trouble little China, Kim control. Yeah. The very second.

Yeah. Yeah, I know stuff. No, she's always a bad actress, but when she's in... You got louder when she's in a good movie, it, it works somehow. You know what I mean? Like her kind of stilted acting. is fun in that big trouble in little China. It's right, it fits right in.

Yeah. It fits right in and sex in the city, too. Well, it did, yeah. It did, yeah. I never watched sex in the city. You would love it, right? You would love it, I think. I couldn't get into it, man.

You couldn't? I've tried a couple times. I can't get in there. Have you all seen the clip of Kim Catrall scatting? Yes. Oh. No. Yeah.

Dude, Sean. Hold on. Nipped it all the he dogs. Shipped in all the she dogs. Yeah, people reference, it's like it's referenced sometimes in comedies and stuff. Somebody will just do a subtle reference to it. I got to pull it. It's so, it is the cringiest thing.

It's her and her husband, right? Yeah, he plays bass. I'm sorry to like watch a video on a podcast listeners, but Sean's got to see this. Isaac, loop it on the top. It's just, you can't. Just look up Kim Cottrell scatting. This version was supposed to buy Final Slut Pro. Thank you, Final Slup Pro.

I read poetry and sonnets, and he plays the upright bass. Yamaki Piavo, set a ray for cable, wind dog Latin, his clothes. You je, officer, right? She's serious. Well, he bit all the he dogs and winked at all the she dogs. The town never knew such a hullabaloo as that little dog raised till the end of that day. What in the world? Is that her husband?

He's got to be like, Kim, that was great. We just have a good rhythm to get it. That was really artistic, Kim. That's how I got into jazz. That was what got me into it. I will say, you just go in more. The video sucks in the crib with my lady. If that's what we're doing, I don't think that sucks.

That's a great time. That's just, we're just one Saturday night. You're like, let's not. She's playing the bass. She's playing the bass. She's playing the bass. She's playing the bass. She's playing the bass.

That sounds cool to me. Let's not turn on the TV tonight. Will you want to play like a board game? No, no, no. She's got a big cigar. I'm doing weird poems, I know. I bet they have adventurous, adventurous sex after that. Because she didn't, she didn't scat the poem.

That's a poem. Is that an existing poem? Oh, he bit all the she or winked all that. Key dogs and she dogs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that first part that Jabazoozee or whatever they don't. That's what they say when you walk into a sushi. restaurant in honor of Kim Cottrell yeah she has a like a jazz name like when they're doing

jazz she's like I'm call me cat dad she's slim yeah slim Kim Virginia Virginia Slim Virginia Slim Catrell something like that turquoise mist they call her the turquoise mist there you go call her the acid wash dream the topaz bath the topaz bath dude the The Topaz sound bath. I like all these. Not bad. Yeah. Sabasuray!

Have a seat here at the sushi bar. Cam, good to see you again. The ephemeral mohito. I'm still on that. Sean Jordan is here. Sean Cougar, Melon, Jordan, on Instagram, if you like that app. It's the only one I got. You can find them on threads.

Yeah, I'm on threads. I'll be in Cincinnati at some point in December. I forget the day. I think December 4th. That's what I got. That's what I got. the 24th of October? 23rd I have down, but that might be incorrect.

You can listen to it on the 24th. Yeah, I got nothing in November. Okay. Chilling. By Ian's book. By my book. You ran into Sean Patton last night. This is September at the time of this recording.

Yeah. Just ran it old Shawnee last night. At the Formosa. You went old Holley. You've been to the Formosa? I have. You ever go across the street to Jones? We tried.

So did Sean. That's where I was last night. Oh, it is not. Really? We went in and walked down. Here's the thing. Me and my girl, we show up at Jones at 7 o'clock or a few minutes before because they open at 7, which is kind of weird. You play the base.

We show up at 7 and there's a little line outside, but it's a mix of people who have reservations for a table and people just want to go to the bar. And so half the line is just people want to go to the bar. I mean, the reservations, but they let the people want to go in first ahead of the reservations. Right, at seven. So if you just get there a little before seven, then you can get a good spot at the bar, and then it really fills in, but you've already got a seat. We were 10.30.

Yeah, probably 10.30. Yeah, no, that place is just on a Friday. It's just crazy all night. Yeah. Then we walked across the street. The food's really good, and it's a great spot. But yeah, for most of it probably picks up a lot of business. Well, dude, so last time, David misplaced his phone last time.

That was when we went to Jones. I was like, come on, let's go get some food. Like, I went into cheer up mode. and that was the first time I'd ever been there. That place rules. It is good. That's like proper old Hollywood, right? Yeah.

Feels like it. Oprah's production company either is or used to be right around there. You have talked about Oprah six times in the last two days? Yeah. Well, you know, Warner Brothers Hollywood Studios was right there. Like, so... I had no idea. Talked right in the back.

That was like the place to go to lunch or late night meal if you were working on that lot. That's awesome. But now it's like a bunch of stuff going on. Funnier die used to be there once. You remember that. It's all rented spaces now, I think. Damn. Including Oprah, Winfrey, by the way.

You're talking about Oprah Stevenson. There's other Oprahs by now. I'm sure there are. Have to be. Yeah. You don't make an Oprah-sized dent in the universe without... You think there's any more salonses yet? Yeah.

Yeah. In fact, I think that's a name because I saw another salonge who was too old to have been named after that... Oh, I could think it's French, yeah. Yeah. I can see that. Is Beyonce a French name too? Is that an existing name? I think that's a Houston name.

David Bore is here. Cool guy jokes 87 on Instagram. She's named after, I think, her parents are fans of Bedbath and Beyonce. Your Beyonce. Her dad's name is Barry and her mom's name is... Nope. Beyonce is a gender...

Sometimes you gotta just bail. Her mom's name is Aniche. Dary and Aniche. Beyonce is French for spouse because it's beyond fiancé. Is that true? There he is. What are you, a TV writer?

You're a TV writer? No. Yeah, well, no, I am. I am, I am, yeah. That was good. Oh, what do I have? Yes. Watch my special on YouTube.

It's so funny. Everybody's going crazy. It's been out for seven days now. Yeah. Wait, when is this out? The internet's talking. The third of October, so 23 days. It's been out for 23 days now, and the town is on five.

It's got 659 million views Yeah, it's crazy Just under Bieber's first song Yeah, it's like a Wiz Khalifa video People are saying you do the Gangnam style dance The whole time Yeah, and they like when I do the accents Yeah

But not That's what the internet's saying Not the one you're thinking either That's what's crazy You watch after the credits David Scatz Well I nipped at all the he dogs Yeah, don't fuck with the she dogs

Because you don't want to get canceled No, no, no no no no No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You celebrate She-Dogs on this podcast. What are you guys doing for Halloween? It's only a week out. Oh, yeah, it is. Go trick-or-treating with Max?

I think we're going to Disneyland. Nice. That's a fun day to go. Not on the day, but the era. Around that time's good. Yeah, really good. They start the Halloween shit at Disneyland now in August. No, I don't need that.

So I've already been. I already went to Oogie Boogie Nights. The first one was like August 23rd or something like that. So I'm all in full Halloween mode. They give out candy the whole time. They give you a bag and then you collect candy through the whole night. At Oogie Boogie nights? At Oogie Boogie nights.

So by the end of the night you got this giant bag of like, and good candies too, like skittles and twicks and stuff. And, you know, fun-sized. We're still, we went on August 23rd. Now it's October 23rd. We're still eating that shit. It's how much candy we got. Are the good people at this?

cognizant of the Boogie Nights Oogie Boogie Nights connection Like Oh Boogie Is that on purpose? To what?

The movie Boogie Nights About the porn actor Oh yeah I don't know No I think You know I think when they have a character named Oogie Boogie

You know I think it's just racist They just go with it Is Oogie Boogie racist? No I mean I don't I wouldn't

Yell it from a car That's the test You know They're doing I wouldn't I wouldn't yell oogie boogie. No, because you'll get to lose It's either racist or you're championing a villain.

Either way, it's terrible. Oogie boogie you still have shooters. You know, Hollywood Bowl does live. They show Nightmare before Christmas and then they have people come out and sing the songs. And over the years like Paul Rubin, Rubens and Catherine O'Hara, people like that would show up. And the guy who play

Uki Boogie Boogie just died a year or so ago. So he would always show up, Ken Page. Do you guys want to guess what Hollywood actor is filling in as the villain role of Oogie Boogie in a live performance at the Hollywood Ball? That's a pretty fun, deep voice. You won't guess it, but you'll be excited when you hear it, I think. Robert Duvall. Robert Redford.

Okay, Al there are Jeffie. Julia Roberts. Not someone named Robert or Roberts. All right about actors, yeah. I'll just tell you, because there's no reason for you to guess. You might not even know that this guy can sing. I don't know if this guy could sing. They can all sing.

Every actor can sing. David Keith. I may not even know who that is. Wait, I mean, Keith David. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I had to say the white guy, right? People used to get those guys confused all the time, but Keith David and David Keith. That's pretty sick.

But one of them doesn't even, I don't even know if he's alive, but Keith David is. I didn't even know there was a David, Keith. Yeah. He was an officer and a gentleman. Does he look like Keith David? No, he does not. He's very white. I mean, he doesn't not look like Keith. Yes, he does. Yes, he does. Yes, he does not look like Keith. David. Put a side by side, Ian, that's crazy. Hold on. But Keith David is great, and he's the, you know, he's the villain in the movie that the new, the, you know, What's the movie called Tiana? Oh, the frog princess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Princess and the Frog, the Frog. The new ride is based on, you know, they changed Splash Mountain into Tiana's bioadventure. And it's that movie. But Keith David's character dies at the end of it, and the ride takes place after the movie. So you don't see, they didn't have to make an animatronic of him at all.

Oh, man. Interesting. Was he the voodoo guy? Yeah, yeah. Dr. Fassili. I like that movie. You don't think those guys are a good villain? A little bit the same?

A little bit. They both have that Hollywood smile. Yeah, look at that smart. They both have teeth and eyebrows. I will say more than I thought when I was, I said no. That's all I'm saying. You somehow found the picture where David Keith and Keith David, like you found the right pictures. Yeah.

If we're doing black guys, white guys, do Devin Walker Pete Davidson. A what? Nobody ever believes me about that. They look the same? They look alike. I showed Laura the Troy Aikman, Jay-Z. She can't, she can't stop. They do.

Can you put him side by side for us? Yeah, hold on. Let me go ahead. How do you? You're so good at that. That would take me so long to do what you're doing. Yeah, I don't know the technology. And I have a computer. I'm watching it.

I'm watching it. I'm watching it. There is an MS paint simulator just on the Internet. Uh-huh. And you can use it and just copy paste, copy paste. This is that sound? This stuff this guy knows. That's MS paint, dude.

Oh, wow. I don't know. Is this easy for you to. side-by-side people. Maybe the new podcast is just black guy look like white guy. I think we can get five to ten episodes

out of black guy look like a black guy. Can you do Buster Poindexter and Buster Rhymes? Third, Buster Keaton. Buster Keaton. Just do like the transition. Diane Keaton, Buster Keaton, Buster Rhymes.

Michael Keaton. a wordle? I don't know how that gave me. Leanne rhymes. Michael Keaton's real name is Michael Douglas. That's right. Is it really? I didn't know that. That's why he picked Keaton and he picked Keaton after Buster Keaton, not Diane, when he got into the

acting guild or whatever. Did he do stand-up as Michael Douglas or did you stand-up as Michael Keaton? He was already Michael Keaton by that point, I think. He picked Keaton pretty early on because, you know, you're a young actor. Why would you want people to think Michael Douglas is coming to the audition? Yeah. That would

Michael Douglas is going to be. We're really disappointed. And I didn't even do as good of a job with the pictures. Right, that one's not as good as the last one you did. That's on me, but you can see it. Yeah, you can still see that look. The smirk. The smile with no teeth.

That like close-mouth smile. Eyes, too. It's a little bit of a Jim Halpert smile. A lot of people are saying. Sean said bad. Smile with no teeth. Ah, crazy. I don't like it.

You don't like it? No, I feel like you're mad. No. Yeah. It brings up like evil clown kind of energy. It feels passive aggressive. Bill Scarsgaard. We were talking about him.

Hot guy. He's beautiful. Yeah. He's gigantic. He's big. Those scars guards are big, dude. Yeah, they make him tall. Yeah.

Doesn't Alexander have a couple dots over the X or something? Yeah, it's crazy. Where you're like, okay. There's no X. I think it's Alexander. Alexander. Yeah. Nordic God.

Stellan Sarsgarde, the patriarch of the acting dynasty that is the Sarsgaards. He's a frontrunner for Best Sporting Actor in the next Oscars. Is he really? He's a really good actor What movie? He's in some movie It's a One of those ones

Do you remember a couple years ago It was nominated for a best picture A movie called The Worst Woman in the World Oh, the Norwegian movie Yeah, it's a follow-up from that same director And the same actress And Stellan Sarsgaard has a supporting role in it And they say that he's really good

I liked that movie Whatever happened to Peter Scarsgaard I always used to mix them up When I was married to Maggie Gyllenha Yeah and he's in stuff all the time He's just in that presumed Innocent show with Gillen Hall. He was great in that.

Eric Sorkin, Rudy. No, is it another thing? That shit was good. You got to see it's a mini-series. Remember the presumed innocent movie with Harrison Ford? Yes. It's that movie dragged out into a miniseries. I don't mind that.

I don't mind the dragon. Like, make it, I don't care. Give it all to me. There's that one, and I'm not going to say anything because it is like definitely, it's definitely a spoiler. And this is too recent. But there's one thing that happens in it where you're like, oh, no. And then the next episode, they're just like, actually no.

Like, it's true, yeah, yeah. That stuff, that quick fix. Like, they make a little tension at the end of one episode and fix it immediately in the next episode. You're having a great time. Yeah. Yeah. That's the important thing. Doug Benson is here, our guess.

Where can people find you? What would you like to tell them about? Well, on Halloween, I'm doing something I've never done before. A Douglas movies on Halloween night. I've done it day before, day after, but never actually on Halloween. So I don't know, you know, in the city of Saturday. Sacramento at the punchline there. And so it'll be interesting to see who turns out.

And then the next day, Saturday, November 1st, I'm doing an afternoon 420 stand-up show at Cobbs in San Francisco. The Halloween show, are you willing to say right now that it will be a spooktacular? I can't go on the record about that yet. It's just a little too early. We still have a whole week to decide. But if it's going to be a spanker or spook-tacular. But it is Doug Love's scary movies.

We do focus on scary movies on every episode in October. Douglovesmovies.com for all my dates and deeds. What is your favorite scary movie? I know that's straight out of screen, but... Yeah, it's a tough one to answer. My favorite in almost any genre is hard for me to answer unless it's an insanely specific genre, like, you know, name a movie about one man's, you know, stranded.

Okay, Moon's my favorite. But... Got to go cast away. Yeah. I like moving a little better than that, but, um... They're fun size. It's, you know, castaway, a lot of people, when they write it down, just assume it's one word, but it's cast away. Yeah.

Because, yes, because he's, he's a man who is like, you know, works for FedEx and is very concerned about time and getting things where they need to be in society. and he doesn't like him. Heard that whole movie's 80. So they're like, they're like, try to fix your fucked up tooth with the blade of an ice skate, you asshole.

It would really have to be hurting for me. That's bad. That's pretty bad karma to have a fucked up tooth and then an ice skate washes up on shore. Yeah, that's terrible. You know, I'd rather have the fucked up tooth.

Instead of being confronted with the real and fix this tooth with a volleyball. And not bleed out after you jamming ice skate? Ah, ah, ah, ah. What were we talking about? Oh, you're so, Sacramento and then Cobbs on November 1st. Oh, favorite Halloween movie. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I was just, you know. My favorite movie called Halloween is Halloween, the first one. I didn't like how far Halloween is gone. Like, there's been way too many Halloween movies. Did you like the Rob Zombie ones? Not really. I've never, I never locked in with Rob Zombie as a filmmaker. I like some of his music.

I went through my period of House of a Thousand Corpses being like one of my movies. Yeah? Yes. I used to watch it all like more than you think. When? Do we know what you're going? No, it was when I had a DVD collection. So like before I moved to Portland, probably 23, 24, 25.

I used to watch. That movie featured at that movie had Chris Hardwick back when he was drinking. And Rain Wilson. So he's kind of puffy. Yeah, puffy Chris in that. Puffy Hardwick. Mm-hmm. Puffy Hardwick.

Sean Puffy Hardwick. Stop calling me Porky. Porky. Porky. I'm Porky, Jordan. I'm Ian Carmel. You're not Porky, by the way. I appreciate it.

I'm Ian Carmel. I'm in a committed long-term friendship with Sean Doran. But also the way he comes over the top is commanding you. It is. He's telling me we're holding hands. He made you hold his ear. Taking him with a far side of the world the way I'm commanding. and mastering.

You know I saw that movie before it came out? What? Yeah, we were at the movies, and some lady's like, you guys want to see a movie before it's released, and it was Master and Commander. It wasn't even finished. Who were you with to where she's like, I bet these guys want to see Master and come in?

Sam Talent. Elizabeth Titan? They hadn't even added Far Side of the World to the title yet when he saw it. That's how they figured that out later, like, we got to tell people, This is not nearby. No, this is going elsewhere.

The far side of the world. One of the most elsewhere movies I've ever seen. It's great, though. Never seen it. Who is it? Is it Russie Crow in that? It's a big, Russie Crow. Back when he was drinking.

Just very... Back when he was drinking. Very boat-oriented. Like, it all takes place in a boat. It was boat heavy. It was boat heavy. And what's his face? The dude who plays in DaVinci Code, who wraps his leg in the...

Oh, Paul Bettney. Paul Bettney's in it too. Married to why I met Jennifer Conley. Jennifer Conley. Isn't really? Those would be some good-looking kids. Seriously.

Those two are a vision. That's a lanky coitus. Secret Paul Beck who plays vision. You didn't get it. My favorite. I had to explain it to you. You idiot. Jennifer Conley is my favorite roller skating

in a department store when it's closed scene. What's your second thing? Opportunity to knock. Oh, Bill and Ted, Bill and Ted. No, probably the guy in the movie Frank Whaley is his skating scene. Did he roller skate? I just roller skating in a closed, like, Target or Kmart or whatever,

just seems like the most fun things. It does seem cool. And it's so cinematic because the camera can just glide with the person skating. So during COVID, there's a marshals in Portland that went out of business, but they would do pop-up skating rinks there. And our friend read it, we went skating. there was there still like clothes on the racks no but it was like freshly not a marshal but I mean they cleared it out mostly medium Fubu jersey

extra medium so you could have been anywhere really you could have been in any warehouse kind of situation but I knew it was a marshals listen I'm just trying to relate to my friends over here in your heart it was a marshals do a better job with the rest of the spot yes it told me it was a martial do a better job my dad tried to buy a Fubu jersey one time he was drunk in a Ross in Minneapolis it was like 3xL and he's like what do think, but, and I go, dad, a lot of reasons

why not? Wait, for him or for you? For him? For, not us. For him by him. Yeah. I'm Ian Carmel. I have nothing really to promote. Thank you for listening to All Fantasy Everything. Buy my book, T-shirt Swim Club. You can listen to the audio book. If you like listening to us, you might like listening to the book.

Give it a listen. Come on. That voice. Come on. It's a good book. Come on. There we go. My whole family read it. I narrated like this.

I appreciate it. My whole family read it. Isaac? I read it as well. Thank you. He's asking about your family. My family? Yeah, did your family read it?

My family do not read English language books very much. Well, Ian wrote in Korean too. I wrote it originally in Korean. You did? I had it translated into England. That makes a lot of sense, actually. I did it as I was in Taekwondo for so long. Taekwondo.

It's pronounced. not pronounced that way. Taekwondo. Tequando. Yeah. Takwondo. So I'll go ahead and sit it out. I was listening to it in my car, but then there was an accident.

Yeah. Yeah, I accidentally took it out of the plane. I threw it out to wind. You took the tape out. Hookie, boogie. It's rooted somewhere. Oh, we do have. We have a great time.

We have a great time with the everything podcast. We're going to fans. Draft, we're here to fantasy draft movies directed by actors. The way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. All right, here we go.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins a paper against two rocks. David, as the winner is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft. Before you do that, I will remind you it as a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. It's like an oscillating fan. That's perfect.

Most of my fans oscillating. They like me one day Not so much The next When's the last time you guys Just had a good time Talking into a fan Not recently enough

In the last month Never, you can't not do it Yeah, I love it I have one right on my bed One of those big ones Yeah, I love it Or like a lot of times Why do they have a giant fan at TSA

A, TSA rather, A lot of times in the airports Like right after you walk through You'll just suddenly get this blast of air and it feels great and I always love it but I'm like is it because things will just get too stinky around TSA? It's like one of those big fans you see on set. It's like too many people taking their shoes off.

Things would just get a little rank if they don't have a big fan pointed at the situation. It's one of the most collectively stressful places like in America. You know what I mean? Everybody's sweating. Everybody's nervous. Everyone's tense. Just bad pheromones all the time. So I bet the fans like it's a nice thing.

Just brings all the, brings the temp down for everybody. Yeah. Although it does blow it back into the people waiting in line. Yeah, but they're one. Fuck, I'm, fuck them, dude. You guys do the face scan? And I'm on Delta. And I have this thing where you just, you don't even have shown you on your ticket.

It just reads your face and lets you through. Wow. The way I see it, they have that anyway. So if there's a way it can be used to help me, I'm in. Yeah. Yeah, if they implement that everywhere, then ICE agents won't be able to travel. Yeah. it because they wear masks

I didn't get it I didn't get it we all wear masks in a way deep David basically it means fourth of the first round first and a second round

without mind what will the order of today's draft be let's go Sean Ian Doug David Ooh I like it and Doug David

yeah the order we're sitting on the couch is that means Sean has the first pick in the movies Hot corner yeah you don't like to pick first

not always all right the back when you get the two in the row it's a powerful position to be in that's why I usually draft but today it's David which is Sean is the first pick

we're going to get to that first pick right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by draft kings you know why because football is back if you're not paying attention start paying attention

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That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything Already in Progress. We're drafting movies directed by actors. Sean, you have the first book. I got to go with my heart.

I'm going to go with me. I've got to be true to myself. I got to go to the town. Okay. Right, because you grew up in a nunnery. I love it. I love the movie. Yeah.

I just love the movie. movie. There's no, it's not the best one directed by an actor, but it's, to me, it's a perfect movie. I love it. I love the town. Can you say which actor? Ben Affleck. There we go. Yeah, I just assumed everybody knew. No, not everyone knows. You didn't know that? I knew that. All right. Of course, I worked for the ringer.com. I'm already embarrassed because none of them reacted to the pick, so now I'm calling out of me. All right. I love it. It's a good movie. My buddy Johnny H. Ham is in it. God, he's great in it, too. This is what the H stands for. ham hog

hog huge dick I've seen that thing we should call him ham jar yeah it's a yeah it's a swall it's a big

it's like a nice swollen member got a hog on him it's a girthy hog from the pictures I've seen is it out there nobody has to say out loud where does he get his confidence

no they're like he's where he's like wearing it it's loose in shorts okay that's where you can find it right no enough talk doesn't surprise me one bit face like that and a hog like that he better have a weird butt i don't think he does i think it's pretty it's awesome but it's phenomenal i also hear that he's like a very nice man yeah i met him a few times because of you thank you for everything you do dug i appreciate it so much great chase is great chase sequence in the town yeah where they cut the bridge off that's how you drive a fucking car yeah with the nun mask on i think about that walking out to the edge of until you feel water thing and how scary that would be

because you don't know that you're not being dropped off at a cliff you know what I think about when they go in that guy's apartment with the clown masks yeah and then he takes it off that's what that's an unhealthy scene to watch because you're like I can do that I'm tough too that's how you feel watching that I do it's one of those yeah where it's like oh man why don't I do more stuff like that you don't feel that a little bit when you see a scene like that Where you're like, how come I've never done that? No. A little bit.

You know what I'm saying. A little bit. You're like, I know a couple people that might deserve that. Yeah. Why don't I just go do it? You're like, it's the real world. A little tuning up. I don't have a Jeremy renter in my life.

Who's car we taking? You need a hawk-eye. One of those, one of those batons. Do you remember when was the last time you had one of those batons? I know you've had your hands on one of those. A collapsible? Yeah. We bought it at the Chinese store at the Aurora Mall.

Probably like nice. When you, when you crack that thing out, it isn't, they're so light. J-Lo uses one and out of sight. Yeah. Oh, that's a good movie. Retractable? I think she just whips it out, fucks up, what is it, Isaiah Washington, and then puts it back in, like re-collapses it back in by pushing it against a wall. Oh, yeah.

That's how she closes it. It's hard to get it back in. Those things, they're legal? No, I don't think so No, okay But you can just get them At like army surplus stores today Well that Chinese store

They also had like Switchplay It was like very unregulated Are switchblades illegal too? I think so yeah Do you remember I brought this up last night The real switch blades

That come from the middle are So do you remember this The very first Dougloves movies I did I was supposed to bring a prize And I was like I have a switch blade I could bring Do you remember that And you're like

Don't bring a switch blade You just went into the same You have the same You have the same Sinass chain Right now Don't bring a In my mind, I'm like

To a podcast Faping, bring a gum I was like Everyone who wants a switchplay I'm glad I didn't give it away You want a felony Can you still have it to this day? It's in my mom somewhere

My stepdad gave it to me Years and years ago When I turned into a man Go kill a wolf with this And then Sean was like Okay I'll just I'll just give away some Sour Patch kid

And he's done that Every time ever since You do I do You do be I also do like the town, so there it is. There it is, yeah. That stat they show at the beginning.

That's not true, right? I bet none of that's true, but I mean, I don't care. About the bank robberies? Yeah. They did that in Den of Thieves, too, where they put some outlandish shit. I believe it's less true in Den of Thieves than the town. I've heard, though, that bank robberies are a lot more common than you think. Man, I can't even speak on it, but you remind me after the show.

I'm talking about. I'll tell you something about a bank robbery. Okay. After the show? Yeah. I can't. Oh, I can't wait. It's too much.

Yeah, I'm sure we'll remember 15 picks from now. Do you want to say it now and I can cut it? No. Come on. No. Did you rob a bag? Not into a hot mic. Not touching on it.

No, I didn't rob a bank. But it's... I bet you has something to do with that clown mass fantasy he has. And then switchblade. But I did beat the shit out of someone with a baton one time because they threw rocks at my girlfriend's car. With a baton? They threw bottles at you? I didn't do that.

Yeah, at the beginning of Death of Thieves, 2,400 times a year, 44 times a week, 9 times a day, every 48 minutes, a bank is robbed here. It's just not true. That's what it says. Maybe they're talking like wire fraud and stuff. Yeah, like in the world.

No, it's L.A. In Los Angeles? In Los Angeles? They mean L.A. That's the fact. Wait, two banks are getting robbed during this during taping? It's a big city.

It is a really big city And also a lot There's a lot of little banks There's ones on the street corner That's a lemonade Covina counts Munga counts Munga counts

Hormosa Beach counts Is that Rangha No he's the only guy Who ever says that What the fuck is Munga? You called it Munga That's why I call it I called it because you called it

I started that Yeah you said it before me Hell yeah I didn't know I started it Because I was in a lot of his parents house And he was like how's You having a good time in Munga Rancho Kuka Munga

Munga I love it's not bad I always thought they called it The Mung Mung Oh, you'd Mungo Jerry? The Monk Dynasty. Well, Charles Mungis over here. Is that a jazz joke?

The town. Jazz joke. Okay. Yeah, I'll call them out. I'll call them out from now. That's my bed. You just let me know. Yeah.

Ouch. Time for my first pick. Boy, there's some good ones here. The town is off the board. That is up the... Listen, that's a great movie. I think anyone... That I'd love how you guys reacted to it.

It's a good movie. It took a second to sink in. Okay. Yeah. It's good for sure. Man. no okay

I'm gonna take Unforgiven by Clint Eastwood yeah yeah have you seen that I have seen that okay good hold on

maybe I haven't David have I looked right at you like you were gonna solve the problem for me I don't know I think my stepdad made me watch it Morgan Freeman is his buddy

I'm pretty sure I've seen it it's so good yeah it's so fucking good you know if you've seen it it's better than tombstone David It is better than most Western.

It is the best Western they ever made. I don't think that. It's widely considered. I don't know why it took so many episodes for me to say that to you. Hold on. You don't like Tombstone? I don't think it's the best Western at all. Doug?

It's the Super 8. It's got a lot of amazing stuff in it, but if it didn't have Val Kilmer's MVP performance. But it does. It does. But also the main character. should be as interesting as... Yeah.

Like, Kurt Russell just sort of does his Kurt Russell thing. Well, we're talking about Tombstone right now, so we're kind of spoiling the pick. It's so it's not directed by an actor, but Kurt Russell has said that he ghost director. Right, that George Cosmatos, who did direct it. He does seem like he's on a little shaky ground there,

like that he probably would kind of let somebody take over. But there's actors of Kurt Russell's caliber, Sam Jackson is one, up and they do what they're going to do. And the director is lucky to be the one to capture it. You know, they just saw a prepared. But unforgiven to get back to that. I mean...

It's really powerful. It's really like... I'm not watching it tonight. It's so good. Oh, that's a good Saturday night. Best director, best picture. Yeah, it cleaned up. When, 93?

When did that come out? It can't have it right here. 92. It was released. Yeah. It's just fucking phenomenal. And that was kind of Clint Eastwood's, like, big... He directed before that, but I think that was his...

Yeah, I know. He's directed a lot of movies. I wouldn't be surprised if another one comes up during this... It will be... Another one might be released during this discussion. A lot of it. The man shoots. We're going to do this for a year.

Yeah. I saw juror number nine and... Or is it number six? I forget the number. But whatever juror number... Maybe I saw the wrong movie. Whatever... Whatever movie in the juror series I saw, you know, it felt like a trial.

It did. I fell asleep. I didn't have a great time of that. It was so, it was just so basic, you know? Even though the story itself was kind of interesting, he just, like, would lock the camera down and shoot somebody talking for a little while. It felt like it was made by a 90-year-old man. Yes, it did. I was trying to have a hard time watching Cedric Yarborough in, like, a really serious performance.

I'm like, I want to laugh. whole time, you're like, but black dynamite. I still trust in the community. For some reason, that was hard for me. I like when comedians are in funny, you know, funny actors are in, but for some reason in my head, it was hard to say it before he says it to you. It's Cedric. It's Cedric.

My apology, Cedric. That's a good one. That's a good catch on that one. You know, a fun size. I got me. I hid the notes from myself. Oh, here we go. This is Spinal Tap.

Yeah. I was wonder where Reiner fell, and I'm glad that we're considering him an act, because he for sure was an actor before. He was all in the family. All the family. And Spinal Tap wasn't his first film, I don't think, but it was early on, like first or second movie that he made.

I forget when he was the sure thing after? Spinal Tap. But anyway, it's amazing. And, you know, he acts in the movie himself as Marty DeBerge, the director. Yeah, then he followed that up with Sir Thing with John Cusack. But anyway, I mean, Rob Reiner was all hits. Like, he was knocking it out of the park for his first, like, five or six movies. And then now if his name's on something, I'm not as fired up about it.

You're not a big thing. You know, I think things went south when he did north. I forgot about North Oh, there was a good man I didn't have to North Fuck Oh, we'll save it maybe It might come up

Yeah yeah yeah I didn't even have Rob Ryan Have you seen Spinal Tap 2? Did you see it? No but it's out now Spinal Tap 2 the end continues I had my girlfriend watch this As Spinal Tap because I want to go see the new one

And I figured You know There's probably going to be some A lot of references and a lot of nostalgia in the second one So you've got to be familiar. They're going to put the amps up to 12. Yeah, she liked it.

Yeah. She liked it. She didn't love it, but she liked it, you know, so it's happy with that. It's of a time for sure. But, I mean, it's just good. Yeah, I really love, before the office, I thought mockumentary was, like, the funniest form of comedy. I'm a big fan of, like, all those Christopher Guest movies. Like, even though, like, the later ones, I still think are funny.

Like, for your consideration, they all have funny stuff in them. Like, you know, when you got Catherine O'Hara around. and some of the other actors that are, you know, frequent Christopher guest actors are so good. Like I was watching Spinal Tap last night. I was just excited about the Fred Willard came up because it's just pure Fred Willard. Like he just... He just comes in and just funny thing, funny thing, funny thing, and his scene's over. And it's like, what the fuck?

That guy's about as funny as a guy gets. Yeah, he's so good. He died, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, God, that sucks. But anyway, I interrupted you. I'm sorry. No, I don't know what...

No, I asked you about Spinaltap. I got nothing. Yeah, Spinaltap, good call. Yeah, there you go. So I win? You win the draft. You win? Okay, cool.

David? Turn for your first and second picks. First, I'm going to take the cable guy. Cable guy. I love that movie. Directed by Ben Stellar. That movie, it doesn't get nearly the credit it deserves. I like how dark it is.

It's so, that guy's scary. You remember everybody got mad at, not mad, but they were like dark Jim Carrey. Nobody liked it. It's so good. It's so good. Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson's little cameo. That movie is so. Jack Black Pan Basketball.

I straight up did not like that movie when I first saw it. Because it was scary. Agreed. Yeah. Really? Oh, that's not why. I didn't like the energy. I didn't, I don't know.

It just didn't land. It's so the pace of it is fucked. The energy is, it's like bad vibes. It's bad vibes. And I was like. I still don't know if I love it, if I'm being honest, because I haven't revisited it, but that's on me. I'm not a fan of, and there's been some classics that do this,

and I still don't like them. I don't like movies where the main character is, you know, being gas-liff. Like there's the main character is like a normal guy, and then there's this insane man or woman that comes into their life, and they cannot get everyone else to understand how fucked up that person is. Right, right, right. Like, what about Bob is the same thing? Yeah.

What about Bob is a horror movie? For sure. What about Bob? Bill Murray is the villain. Absolutely. You know? But cable guy, Matthew Broderick, is not the villain. So it's just watching this poor guy just get fucking destroyed by this cable guy for no reason,

really. Yeah. Like, his motive isn't great, right? He's just sort of rude to him or something. He just wants a friend. Yeah. Oh, he just wants a friend. He doesn't even, Matthew Broderick doesn't want to hang with him.

But Matthew Broderick shuts it down. And then the movie. positions this guy just being completely reasonable as like being a dick because if a cable guy came into your life you'd be like I have to get away from this as fast as possible because his wife Leslie Mann starts like you know like siding with the cable guy

Steven you're being an asshole it's so funny now I feel like the villain of this conversation because I love that one that option I love I love what about Bob it's so like it's so crazy because you feel crazy when you're watching

yeah I'm with I really Cable Guy's phenomenal. I don't really do that. I'm not speaking from a place of a story. Absolutely love it. And it ends like it does end like an action or horror movie with all that business up on the satellite. On the satellite and Jim Carrey Falls and then the helicopter medic, he's like, what's your name? And he goes, you want to know my name?

And it's like, you know, you found a new foil. Yeah. It's, I'd love that movie. I might watch that tonight. Shane, I'm going to rent it on your Amazon. There are so many movies you need to watch before you watch the cable guy again. Yeah, one that I'm about to pick. Yeah.

Yeah, Braveheart. Fuck yeah. You really got to see you. I haven't seen Braveheart. I'm all right with that. Really? These two are, they're furious about it. It pisses me off.

I mean, it's a big-ass movie. I get it won best picture, too. It's a big-ass movie. Based on what you know about it. Like it's a hard one to leave out if you're a film, you know. It's wild because. Somebody who wears an Oscars hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I like when he says, white him. When he says Warren. but he says wet him wet him wet him just based on what you know about what kind of movie Sean really likes it's surprising he hasn't seen Braveheart

right it seems yeah it seems like I would but maybe Sean maybe the side of Sean that doesn't want to see a gay guy thrown out a window for no reason

probably wouldn't want to see that movie no I want to see that okay is he safe that sounds that sounds that sounds all right I don't know What you're waiting for, then.

Do you, have you seen the show Blue Man Group? No. Oh, okay, because there's a little of that in this movie, too. Oh, sure. Just get the foot to face. Remember I watch Goodfellas, I think of Braveheart because she's got half of her face is blue in that scene in Goodfellas.

When she meets all the mob wives, you remember that? At the, like, the makeup party or whatever? One of the women's half of her face is blue. I think Great Heart every time. Yeah. Oh, okay, no. I don't remember that part. So that makes you think of a movie you've never seen.

But it doesn't make you watch it. I tried a few times when I was, I just never, I think I tried at a makeout party one time to watch Braveheart. You put on Braveheart at a makeout party? I think so. I think it was in my room. We had a little makeup party. Are you anti. It sounds like I'm making this up.

Are you against? It sounds crazy. Do you just like medieval, like war kind of things? I'm rewatching Game of Thrones right now. That's why I don't understand how you can't get into it. Yeah. He hasn't tried. I haven't tried, really.

We have, we're off early tonight. The only times he's ever tried is when he was making out. Yeah, we're off early tonight. I'm not doing anything, so I should watch. Let's see what other movies we come up with that you haven't seen. And then we'll decide which one you should watch first. Okay. Some other ones might get taken.

Yeah. It might. I told myself I can't pick a movie that I haven't seen, unless it really gets down to the nitty-gritty. Yeah. Doug, time for your... Yeah, who's picking movies they haven't seen? Every now and again, for the sake of, like, a good list.

Like, I know what's a good movie. It'll go on there just because of a good list, but it seems unfair. Sean's known for taking picks that he doesn't have a personal relationship with. Skateboard trucks over here. Skateboard trucks. I've seen them, at least. And I love skateboarding. I've seen one hit you in the temple if you keep talking to me like that.

I'll talk to whoever I want. Got me all feisty with the town talk. Who's called we take it? Who skateboarded we take it? Time for your second pick? Oh my God. There's so many good ones. How am I going to get a total?

Five. Okay. All right. So I might as well do it now. Might as well just throw it out there because it's probably, you know, it's one of the most respected movies of all time and was directed by an actor

and it's called Citizen Kane. Yes. That was going to be my next pick if you didn't tell you. Sean loves it. Speaking of movie, Sean would not see it. I've seen half of it. And I stopped. Yeah.

And you're just like, I can't. I was on a show. It was one of my treadmill movies. Like when he did. It gets, how far did you get into it? Can't even really remember. He was, he was starting to get successful. Okay.

How far. Why didn't you like it? I did like it. I did like it. Oh. I just never picked it back up. You just ran out of time. I was watching it on a treadmill for like an hour, 45 minutes or something.

Landman came out. Yeah. You're right. And that's your fault because you told me about landman. Well, I thought, I assumed you'd finish Citizen Kane. It's not a huge undertaking. Yeah. How many walks is sitting?

It's not just two walks. It's half. So you did one? Landman came out. He is one of the greatest superheroes, landman. Yeah, yeah. The way he can just cause earthquakes. The way can talk his way out of any untalkoutable situation.

Landman, you mean the thing? Right? Yeah, he's just made out of land. He's made out of land. I lost it. Yeah, Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane is, you know, you can just, most scenes in that movie created something that's been done over and over again ever since

you know like the direction is just like the guy you know obviously the director of photography deserves a lot of the credit because they you know work together you know I don't know how much Orson Wells knew about lenses and stuff when he directed that movie is more like a theater guy

but yeah I recommend you watch the rest of Susan Kane before Braveheart I could have a weird that half a citizen Kane and then Braveheart tonight? I mean, that's a great guy. Get a pizza?

And is the central mystery of the movie been spoiled already for you? It must be. I mean, I know the ending. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's famous, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it doesn't really, like, I'm not worried about that. It just makes you go, at the end just makes you kind of go, oh, well, that's sad that that's the thing that he said when he died. It's like, yeah, yeah.

It's sad that that's the only thing he, you know, had to say when his last breath comes out. Like, in the half that I saw, knowing that that's the ending. It's just so fucking good. It's one of those ones where, like, it's so ubiquitous as you're growing up because it's like when you say, like, what's the classic movie? People are like, citizen cane, you know, like for every sight and sample for, like, decades and every blah, blah, blah, it was like the good movie. And so you almost think of it as an artifact rather than an actual thing you can watch. And then you watch it. And you're like, oh, no, that's good as hell.

It's like still so good. Yeah, because it's just all about power and, you know. The news. Money. I mean, I'm all about power. Money. Yeah. All that.

The news? The news? Yeah, it's really... Power money in the news. Power money in the news, dude. That's after Huey Louie went solo. The news were like, well, we can... Huey Louie, dude.

Huey Lewis went solo. The news were like, well, we can fucking go solo, too. You want to talk about dongs? That dude's supposed to be swinging some big rope. Honker. Yeah. That's the new drug. It's supposed to be a real baby's arm holding an apple.

The other movie... I hated that term. I hated it, too, and I heard it. for the first time in a movie directed by an actor, which if nobody takes it, I will point out later. Okay. But it is gross. Yeah, I don't like it at all. An awful term. None of the things I want involved with genitals.

No. I love apples. I love baby's arms. I love penises. At least one. Huey Lewis's. Huey and John. Since he's already been taken one, one of his movies

has already been taken. There we go. That's the sentence I'm starting to say. I am going to take Princess Bride, also directed by Rob Reiner. I thought you were going to take the Passion of the Christ. I'm taking the Passion of the Christ. My dad sat me down and made me watch Passion of the Christ like it was going to change my life. Really? He was so drunk.

He's like, bud, this is... That is maybe the most unhinged movie to watch wasted. Anyway, sorry. Just to be like this is it. Just to be like this is what you need to feel like this because it just moved him so much. I can't think of a worse time than getting drunk and watching Passion of the Christ with my son. That sounds like the worst day. Depends on how old my son is.

It wasn't great. What if he was 14? If he's 28, I can see that being fun with Arthur. I'm just like hooting and hollering. Like, man, look what we did. I guess it makes the movie out of the truth. It makes the movie more relatable if you're hammered. Yeah.

Ah! There he is. But I didn't take that. I took the Princess Bride. Yeah. Fucking phenomenal. unbelievable William Goldman on the script William Goldman on the keys dude

William Goldman on the track The book which he wrote book is Maybe even better And I hate when people say that But it's like so good It's so funny and so good And you're like this is a perfect movie How could the book be better?

What's that actor's name? I still call him the Princess Bride Yeah I always He's just the Princess Bride Carrie Alwas is great He's also men in tights right Yeah and saw first saw Wallace Sean

That's right He's in the first Going crazy In that thing Andre the Giant of course Anybody want to be that Who's the What's the actor's name

Who plays Enigo Montoya? He's great Oh, Mandy Patinkin I have an album Of standards by Mandy Pattingin. Oh yeah He's a singer He's a crooner

He's got that high-pitched voice Yeah The pipes The pipes are calling That kind of shit Patink in it And Robin

Ride, of course, is the titular character. We should mention that. And maybe the most beautiful anyone has ever looked. She looks great. Yeah. Fun, super fun cameo from Billy Crystal and Carol Kane. Phenomenal. Have fun storming the castle. Yeah.

We'll call the Brute Squad. He is the Brute Squad. Have fun. Have fun itching your asshole. No, do it again. It's storming the castle. It's just Great. It's just perfect all the way around. I love it.

Shout out to Rob Reiner. Once we've gone through the draft, we'll be able to just say the run he went on there at the beginning of his career. What about, though? I would love it if they just had, like, some sort of, like, cut where they took out all of the Fred Savage scenes.

Ha! I love Peter Falk, but it just brings the movie to a grinding hall. Like, you know, maybe a little bit at the end, a little bit at the beginning and end. You could bookend it. It's all we need. But that it ever goes back to it is like, come on. We're in this fun fantasy world.

Now we've got to go sit around with Grandpa and the kids. But did he save her? Yeah. Did they get in a kiss? Yeah. We didn't need that. Shut up, Kevin. Yeah.

Go wonder about it on your own time. The Benson cut is that and then just an episode of Columbo afterwards to fill the falkhole in your life. Oh, my God. The cuts that I want to do. I want them to put out every episode of the Sopranos without the therapy scenes. Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

Let's just go. Like just maybe a quick, oh, he visited his therapist and he's still got problems. Yo, I'm kind of, I'm with that. I like that. I never thought of that. I just watched that all the way down to her being attacked also. I'm saying remove her character. Yeah, yeah.

Just take out of you out? We don't need it. Because he never does anything about the attack, right? You think he's going to happen, but nothing ever does. Yeah, you think he's going to murder somebody over it. It's also he's just kind of saying what's going on. Like, you can tell what he's feeling from watching the show. Right, they end up recapping things that are happening.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too repetitive. Damn, that's a really good. I like that. I like that take a lot. I enjoy looking at Dr. Melfy. I don't have any problem with Dr. Melfi herself. I mean, she's terrific and good fellas.

And any time I'm being told by somebody, no, just go over there around that corner. I think of her. Okay, Jimmy. I'm going to get out of here. I'm going to go. I always struggle. So were those people, did they know they were supposed to kill her?

Or did he just, did Jimmy think if she went in there, they would kill her because she wasn't supposed to be there? No, they were supposed to kill her. So they were waiting for her. It was a hit. Because to me, I'm like,

it looks like they just, they're just kind of looking at her. Like, I don't know. What is she doing here? You don't want to give it away too soon before you kill somebody. Yeah. I think they're going to kill her.

They didn't want it to turn and run or scream or something. Okay, Jimmy. I'm going to go. Get out of here. Sean, time of your second and third picks. Second pick, I'm going to go Iron Man by John Fabro. Yeah. So we crash Favro now.

Yeah, Favro's open. Favro's open. Yeah. Because he started as a writer. He wrote Swingers but didn't direct it? No, he didn't direct it. Yeah, just co-star and co-wrote. He was amazing in it.

But Iron Man, I know you guys don't love, like, the superhero movies. Where do you sit on them? You like superhero movies? I like him fine. of the Iron Man's I like part three the best I think Iron Man is the best The first Iron Man to me is the best out of all of them The whole

Oh boss agree your movies? No all the MCU movies All the MCU movie The original Iron Man Yeah Disagree I mean that that started it off So it felt more original So good

And he's also such an anti-hero Initially Yeah But I don't I don't like Jeff Bridges villain at all I don't think he's scary interesting. I think it was fun.

And ultimately, he's just fighting another robot costume at the end. I like the cave, all the cave stuff when he builds Iron Man is fun to me.

Don Cheadle's better than Terrence Howard. Is Don Cheadle the first one? No. He took over the second one. That's right. Terence Howard didn't get, wanted more money

mile high until I die. They could need more money to learn something, learn, go back to school and learn that you should say yes to whatever marvels. offering.

I would say they couldn't have built the Iron Man suit without Terrence Howard's new math. They needed that. One plus one does equal three. What is it? Something like that. It's something fucking stupid. One of the all-time dumb smart guy or smart.

I don't think there's any smart guy is. I've grown this tangent on a lot. I don't think there's any smart. I think he's just saying shit. But he's smart enough to know you can just say shit. Is that smart? Something. Makes you a fucking asshole is what I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Confident. Yeah. He could sell me. So, yeah, Iron Man. And then I'm debating if I want to stick with Fabrow or if I want to go. Fabs? I'll go.

Favs done that many good ones? Fav Fingers of Funk, dude? To me, he has. Okay. I'll go, I'll go Clint Eastwood again. I'm going to go Mystic River, Clint Eastwood. Okay. Love Mystic River.

I can't. I love it. I can't watch it anymore because I got taught her. I can't. Put not a clinic in that one. Right. I was going to say, how can you even. It doesn't hit the same way. Who would watch that movie more than watch?

I don't think I've seen Mystic River. I love that movie. You walked in, remember when you walked in? It was all dark, and I'm watching Mystic River. Yeah. By yourself? Yeah. Ian got home from where.

It was like a Friday night. Pants off. And it was dark. I'm watching Mystic River. And he goes, you okay. Like, it's a good movie, man. It is really good. It's just so, like, they're all so good.

Kevin Bacon. Sean Penn. Yeah, they are going crazy in that movie. Sean Penn is upset. He plays an upset person. Tense. Yeah. It's got Lawrence Fishburn in there.

It's one of the best holdback scene. like when he's around for him. It's got my girl Marcia Gay Harden. Marsha Gay Hardin. In the shower, I laughed thinking about that name. Marsha. I did. Because her name is gay.

Hardin. Gay Hardin. The boat. Gay Hardon is really good. It is. It just is, all right? It's just funny. It just is.

Isaac. The name Marsha is not funny. No, Marsha's good. It all comes together nicely. It's funny. It's one of the funier names to be in front of Gay Hard. It's just a fantastic movie It's dark

I haven't watched it in Is it a real river No Is that just an expression They kill Why am I forgetting his name? Is Mystic Pizza? Is that pizza parlor on Mystic River?

Mystic is a place That's actually the prequel That'd be so fun To make a sequel to Mystic River That's just all about Like a missing child Like it just totally turns Another direction

like mystic river is a real river really yeah okay yeah oh because the kid gets thrown in the river is that what happens? No she's in a like a like a forest well kind of thing but they kill Tim why am I forgetting his last name what's Tim Robbins?

Yeah Tim Robbins they kill him in the river like when he admits to killing his daughter which he didn't actually do Sean Penn kills him like right next to I think the Mystic River right wow yeah it's a heavy movie I think it's one of those movies There's zero laughs

No laughs You know what I mean I really don't think so Like the Exorcist has laughs In this movie does not I honestly don't think there's one funny Not one funny thing in the whole movie Nothing

You just like to sit there with a bowl Of melted ice cream You don't intend to eat The shades drawn I was probably drinking old crow It was probably Or black velvet It was probably right around

You really used to love To go to that Verdugo Market I didn't like it I don't think you hate it I didn't like black velvet. It's just what I could afford. You like that little boy's smile.

Black velvet and I want silent star. I sing the whole thing. My pick. I'm thinking Rocky 4. Yeah. Is that the only one he directed? No, he directed 2, 3 and 4. 2, 3, and 4.

Yeah. And other stuff. But that's the only one where we find out that if I can change and you can change. Maybe we can all change. Where he cures communism? He cures communism. Four is so funny. It's great. I love it when he's like working out against the robot

and then Rocky's just like running he's like running up a hill in a leather jacket. Yeah, he's running up on snowy mountain. He's in a barn. People jumped up my ass for this. Last time we talked about it because I was like I think this movie like invented the montage. I'm well aware there were montages before that movie. But to me

that's the montage. But how many movies prior to that we're all montage. Because this movie is so short and so montagey. Like montages of both guys training. Yeah. What if we cut out all the montages from Rocky 4? We don't need

a montage of the villain training. I think it has too... That is really a good point. Yeah. Why do we see the bad guy need to see him? Because he's punching pads and it's like putting numbers up and you're like, what's it? It's all calculated. Doesn't he break it? Yeah.

Yeah. He's like doing squats on like robot gym stuff. Then Rocky's just carrying a tree across the snow covered field. Because he's real. Yeah. Got a towel. That movie did make me think

we have to shut Russia down. For sure. I remember as a little boy being like, we have to stop. Yeah, we got to do something about this. We can't have a bunch of this. Brigitte Nielsen's running around. Did you guys ever do the towel on your neck

when you were working out? No. I did from that movie. You did? In taekwanda? I would do it. When I'd go to the gym sometimes. Sometimes I'd run with a towel on my neck

because I just thought it looked cool. Really? I tried to, I tried to eat raw eggs for a little bit in high school. I've never tried it. Is it gnarly? It's nasty. It doesn't taste like anything, but the plum, like the, or the yolk is really hard to do it.

Can you just knock it back, though? You can, but it's gross. It's tough. It's just, like, drinking something thick. Yeah, the texture, it's, yeah. What's the, like, benefit as opposed to cooking the egg? I think it was supposed to be just get that protacts there. You just knock it out and then you run eight miles in the morning.

No, he's up at four in the morning to go for his run. He doesn't want to stand around making eggs. That wouldn't be cool. just you see him scrubbing the pot fucking things stick all the time you say it's a non-stick look at me making eggs over here Adrian west of the oregano

I call you cove and link it's great it's my favorite one I think it's my favorite rock yeah because it's just over so quickly it's well it's so maximalist

it's just so I mean they all are but it's so silly and big and like yeah it's a it's an interesting series they got a little Goofy after that.

After that, it was Tommy Gunn. Got goofy after. Well, I mean, after Rocky Ford? He fought a Soviet cartoon, and this was the movie after he fought Mr. T. No, it just they leaned, they just directly leaned into, it was just, four is all silly, whereas three is like lots of silliness, but they still try to be as dramatic and gritty as the original Rocky. Yeah.

It could never be matched because it was such a 70s, just had a 70s feel, you know. And then Rocky 2 has a robot too, right? Wait, there's two Rockies with robots? It's like a help around the house robot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the one? Happy birthday, Polly? Happy birthday, Polly. Yes.

Where the pro Polly probably gets drunk and fucks it up. Yeah. Yeah, he does. He like throws it on the yard or something, right? Get this robot out of it. In Rocky 6, he's going to fuck it. And the same, is that that same robot in Rocky 4? It probably is?

Because they're like... Oh, it is? Because they're in... I don't know. America watching him fight in Russia, right? Yes. Yeah. Wait, they don't go?

They don't go. Really? I don't think so. I don't think they do. You think he would have taken him. What's the Soviet Union? Oh, you can't bring, you don't want to go. Unless you're going to go beat the shit out of their pride and joy.

That's right. Yeah. And some cheers for Rocky Balboa. Like they wouldn't have just shot him right after the match. Doug Tom for your third pick. Okay. Oh, we're going to. Isaac wants me to take a break, dude.

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with the promo code, all fantasy, you're going to get $250 off of your cabin. And we're back. Welcome back to All-Fatty. Sorry, Doug. That actually was a break. We actually took a break. Yeah, we took a break. I have some mixed nuts now.

Ooh, heart-healthy mix. I had some extra time to think about my next choice. Which it is now time for. Which way we're going right now? What could be the most savage pick? Back, okay. This way, okay. So it's me, right?

Yeah. Savage pick. My favorite John Favreau movie is also my favorite perennial annual movie experience, and it's called elf. Yeah. Ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The perfect Christmas movie. It's really good. He broke his foversy off in that thing. How long have you been wanting to say fobrussi? Just for two seconds, and I did. I didn't wait. That was really good. He said it. I said it. It was here, and then it was here. Numaticu from brain to mouth.

That's so funny. I thought Elf was a little corny when it came out I was wrong but when it came out it was just When did it come out? Do you know what year it came out? Like O2 or something like that? I just wasn't Early Outs And the age where I thought that it was going to be a classic

O3 Yeah I was wrong I was very wrong Yeah Is it just feels it still feels like it takes place now Even though it's been a while And it's just got So many great

Great little things going on in it You know like like Bob Newhart as Papa Elf and Ed Asner as Santa and James Kahn who you know I heard Will Ferrell just terrorized because he would just you know always be trying to tickle him and stuff on the set he was just trying to tickle James Kahn well you know like he doesn't the movie like yeah would get pissed off and then also the whole time they were making it he thought this is going to be absolute dog shit and then he had to take it back like he had to say you know what That turned out to be a great movie. It's really good. You can't blame him. Can you imagine being James Kahn in the middle of this? Just sitting around with him in that stupid elf outfit.

Just acting so silly. Well, I heard that Favro... Nothing seems worse than being tickled by a large man. No. No. A man who could hold you down if you wanted to. Yeah, he could like... Favro, like, told James Kahn, he was like, he wanted him to be more mad in a scene,

and he whispered. He's like, you're fucking Sonny Corleone. Get mad. And I heard James Kahn was like, this is what you were saying. Like, this is a stupid situation in then. This isn't the godfather. I can't actually that feeling right now. Discomfort and all the scenes is, like, so real, and so it's so great.

And, uh... It's got Steenbergin and Zoit de Chappelle, two all-time. Blonde Soie de Chenele. Blondeaui-Degnell. Yeah. I saw somebody recently say that they think that she's terrible in that movie. I'm like, what? What are you living in?

She's cute. Nobody's terrible in that movie. And she's... Her singing is pleasant. and she's singing in the shower and he's sitting there listening and singing along. It's the perfect Zoe Day Chanel movie.

It's just like hand and glove. And they keep asking Will Ferrell, they keep backing up the money trucks saying, let's make Elf too. And he's just like, I don't see it. And I don't see it either. Who wants to see him 60 years old acting like that? It's like the character.

The character would probably mellow. The character would probably get more, you know. Like an updated version of Elf and like who's been in society for 20 years. I don't want that. Yeah, but he could even be like James Kahn. He could have, like, lost his enthusiasm for being an elf. But who cares?

You can already see, there's only one movie they could do, which is that, like, he's integrated in the society, and now he's super normal, and now there's an emergency, and he needs to access being an elf again. And now Jenna Ortega, who's from the North Pole, they have to relearn the meaning of Christmas together. Like, that's all it could be.

That's like exactly what it is. It would suck. It would suck. Yeah. Yeah. Good on him for saying no, that, yeah, that would be a bummer to see. It's silly. I like that he's, you know, obviously he's made some sequels over the years, but he seems to not just, you know,

because they can make another Talladega nights. That would get green light in a second. Oh, yeah. But he's just like, let's move on. I'll do another dumb-ass character who says dumb-ass shit. I would for an entire. I just think of him saying that in a meeting, for real. Yeah.

I would watch another Talladega nights. Me too. That one, when you said that, that was like a. I always thought it would be funny. Will Ferrell did a movie where he was DJ Vlad. Do you guys know who that is? I do. Internet hip-hop journalist.

He, like, interviews a bunch of old rappers. I was just watching Corrupt yesterday. I know you were. DJ Vlad rules. Elf, great pick. David, Tompier, third and fourth. Can I, sexy Kela? Pick.

Get a what one? Do the right thing. I think so. He sure can. He was an actor. He's acted in all of his. What has he acted? I think the line here.

Because are we at Tarrant. Does that count? Yes, he acts in other people's movies. Spike? Yeah. Yeah, he has. He's been directed by other people? I feel like he has, but he still was an actor-director with She's Got to Have It.

He has got a major part in that movie. That's how I feel. And he's why that movie's good. Him on camera is the best part of She's Got to Have It. All right. I defer to our guests. Hey, also, I was just wondering, in Mobetter Blues, is that Nola Darling too

that Denzel's hooking up with? Is that Noah? It's the same actress. I haven't seen Movedo Blues. Oh, okay. Anyways, do the right thing. I need to. I want to because it's about jazz, right? Yeah, you should. It's like jazz in the 90s. And like Wesley Snipes is so cool and you should watch it. I'm going to see it. Maybe I'll watch it tonight.

Maybe we'll watch 12 movies tonight. I'll just text you Braveheart the whole time. I'll just live text it. Well, blues, half of his faces, believe. Do the right thing. Do the right thing is so fucking good. I mean, he's like he's also just such a critical character. I mean, he's the one that throws the garbage can through the window. Exactly.

Mookie's, like, really, yeah, and that's what I liked about the first few Spike Lee movies is that he'd have a good part in them. Yeah. I wish he'd, like, give himself a part in one now. When was the last time? I don't think he's been in one of his movies forever, man. He stepped up to the blood. What was the last one you think he was in?

Maybe Crooklyn, maybe. It might be that long ago. Yeah, like, long ago. You know, do the right thing was one of the movies in Black. and white that I did that I just didn't watch you remember that you didn't watch it I didn't watch it until the screening you remember the movies in black and white thing that the dude in Portland oh no you told me about that yeah yeah the right thing was one of them they want you stupid the last one he was in was a red hook summer what year was that 2012 oh sorry for a lot of stuff

and that one was kind of an outlier I think that like he wasn't in every movie in between no because inside man was before that and he was in 25th hour he wasn't in those I love 25th hour Was he in bamboozled? No I don't think so Anyway

Girl 6 he wasn't in Oh he got game I just forget about Son of Sam he wasn't in Crookers I got about clockers He turns him out He fucking rules

His new one's supposed to be really good It's gonna be on I mean I would rather go see it in theaters But I have a baby So I don't think I will But it's gonna be on Apple TV Yeah If it's not already

highest helloist it's got Denzel Denzel which is pronounced Denzel yeah it's funny I have a friend he's Indian his dad is named Denzel and we would always be like ha ha ha you're Denzel Washington's son yeah it turns out you were more right than you thought yeah your friend is John David Washington yeah yeah yeah yeah we call him JD J Dubs it's a remake of an Akira Curtis album or a retelling of a Kira Kurosaw movie highest oh is it that's what I've heard It's got a title that I have hard time remembering. It's highest to lowest. Highest to lowest.

Yeah. With a two in there, like he's Prince. Yeah, I like that. Do the right thing in your fourth pick. Black Cladsman is one of the funest titles ever with the three. Three Ks in the middle. He does name of it. He started naming his movies like Prince.

Yeah, he really is like. At some point a few years ago. Making it more clear what it is. Yeah. Two symbols. I think I want to take. Are you going to double now, too? Yeah, I got a double because I'm on the end.

I'll take a star is born. Nice. Which one? The Bradley Cooper one. The only one directed by an actor. I haven't seen the other two. I haven't seen the Chris Christopherson one. And then what's the first one?

Pardon me, it's the Judy Garland. What? It's the Barbara one. It's the Barbara Stryson. Oh, excuse me. She's still with us. Pardon me, dude. It's the Barbara one, bro.

Chris Christopherson's fine But Barbara Barbara really gets it Barbara ends that movie dude She took some pulver to get there every day She took some pulver to get there every day It's so good It's so good

It's so good It's so good I'm kind of surprise Everybody agrees on that I love it Yeah It's a kind of movie I could just throw on and watch Me too

You know and yeah Some of the scenes are a little A little rough You know like when he's mean to the gaga and stuff When he pees his pants Yeah, when he pees his pants I was kind of hard to watch Because I'm like, I could totally be there

That's like I'm not above that kind of behavior No Back when I was drinking I mean it reminded me You're just doing it sober I peep myself at devil's point once And I had to leave The strip of the vegan strip club in Portland

Oh it's striperoki You're with Kassner No I was in Kastner Is that who I was with? Okay, I went there with Jordan Because I wouldn't go that night Shout out Jordan Funniest person in Portland

Funny's person in Portland Yeah I didn't so I didn't kiss my pants the way he did, but I went to the bathroom to pee and something just didn't happen before you could zip it and I just like, wharf, pissed myself and I was like, well, I gotta go.

Yeah, that's a period on the night. God, that's awesome. And I think I left and texted him. You did. I don't know what I told him. Hey man, I pissed my pants. I might have just said I pissed my pants. You might have said that. I'll ask him, I can't remember exactly, but he's like, yeah, you just took off, didn't say anything. I had to go. I couldn't go back in with pissed pants.

no, what are you going to get a lap dance now? Pull water all over. Sorry, I get horny the way girls do. Sorry, I came in the bathroom. Came all over my pants. It's that much. I was so horny.

You're such a good dancer. Look at how much came out. I jizzed the bejesus out of my shorts. Do any of you guys, do you gentlemen own the soundtrack for this for this? I don't, but I like it a lot of belts out shallows.

in the car. Well, I, you know, I bought the whole thing, you know, and listened to it a lot. But, uh, they do, uh, dialogue tracks. Oh, really? Like it's a fucking rap album or something. Yeah, there's like, they do dialogue. There's snippets of dialogues from a movie. So if you have your, uh, you know, if I have my thing on, uh, like shuffle.

Like shuffle. If they're mixing the things, you know, they'll just play a, you know, a dialogue track will just come up. And there's one of Bradley Cooper literally like just being so mean to Lady Gaga. He's like, you're a fucking piece of shit. You fucking suck. And then that's it. That's the whole thing.

And then Marshall Tucker band kicks on. Who signed off on that? I don't know why. Let's put it after shallow. Yeah. I don't know why it's in there. And it's so disturbing to listen to, especially just out of context when you like hear, you know, you're listening to Outcast. And then he comes in and says that.

And then it goes to like Sinatra or something. You're a waste. You're a waste of talent. You ain't got nothing to say. You're fucking. You're fucking. You're stupid ugly. Like, I forget the exact quote, but it's really mean.

It's probably when they're in the, when she's in the bathtub. I think so, yeah. He's like, you're nothing. You know, you're nothing. Oh, I've got more talent in my pinky than you having your whole fucking goddamn pot. It's so mean and terrible. That's how Ian talks to us. Bonus track.

Why don't you shut the fuck up? It's Sean, why don't you shut the fuck up? I wouldn't mind your stupid pick so much if you had something to say. It's different without a stash. I don't mean it. At the Oscars, they were sort of a victim of their own success. The movie was so successful and worked so well that, like, I think they walked away pretty much empty-handed. Yeah, they didn't really.

It didn't win any Oscars. It didn't win best picture. They didn't win any actors. They got song. It was kind of like how Maestro was, his, that other movie that he did. Like, just so much buzzed, so many nominations and then went home with nothing. Yeah, they blew, they have a real love relationship with Bradley Cooper. Cooper doper

Hey that was Cooper doper of you Yeah I thought Micephro was great too I really enjoyed it Yeah They really

They really burned him with You know Having certain angles Of his prosthetic nose It just made it look Over the top Ridiculous It never looks like that

In the movie No Not not It looks totally And he made it With The pictures Look crazy

Crazy He looks like a pamphlet That got like Dropped on Berlin Speaking of crazy Do you guys remember when Crispin Glover went nuts on Letterman? Yes. Like famous, it's like a famous clip.

People show it on you. It's on YouTube. And, you know, I saw it when it happened because I was a huge Letterman fan at the time. And, you know, he has this long hair and stupid glasses and a stupid shirt, stupid pants, and, like, platform shoes. And he's acting all crazy on Letterman. And now I finally put it together. There's this movie called Ruben and Ed. That's like, or Ed and Ruben.

I think it's Ruben and Ed. It's like a cult classic. It's going to be at the New Beverly soon. And I saw the poster for it, and he's dressed the exact same way. Oh, really? Doing a bit. When that happened on Letterman wasn't, crazy actor acts like a character from a movie.

No. Because the movie came out four years later, but he was already in character from, like, preparing to make that movie. Oh, crazy. So that's how he intended the character to act in the movie. And then the movie didn't come out for four more years. So was it. Wild.

But he wore the same, he has the exact same look that he does in the Letterman clip. So he was, like, doing fully immersive, like, method, weird Crispin Glover and stuff. But pre, the movie hadn't even been greenlit yet. It was just some guy he knew wanted to make this movie and wanted him to play this character. And so, but that never gets explained. He's like, you leave it to me. I'll go drum up some hype. I'm going to hit the streets.

Oh, yeah, look it. That's crazy, isn't it? And remember Nick Nolte's crazy mugshot? Yeah. In the Hawaiian shirt and his hair's all messed up. Yeah. That's how he looks in Hulk. He was shooting the movie Hulk and went out and got drunk in costume and got a DUI.

And that's why he looks like that. That's why his mugshot is so crazy. He's that general, right? It's because he was in character. That's fun. I had no idea. Right? It is funny because you're like, I've been pretty drunk and your hair doesn't just get like that.

Yeah. No, no. You can look insane. He looks like he likes to party to me. Well, I mean, it's not like, it's not like if you do a rail of your hair just pops up. Yeah, but he was like a crazy scientist. He's a crazy scientist in Hulk. Yeah, the face doesn't match the hair.

Look at that. Yeah, let me see it again. Where he's like, yeah, take the picture. Yeah, right. You think, though, he might have ran his fingers through it. He was like, didn't even, doesn't even comb his hair or put on a different shirt when he's done filming. Can you just see? I got, I got a mugshot somewhere.

Can you just find them? I don't know where to see him. I think Nick Nolties is a little more readily available. to me. Nick Nolte and I get searched about the same. Sean Jordan nip slip. I know a picture of my big old... None of those are me, but... God, what a bummer to look like all those deals.

A collection of Sean Jordans, if I've ever seen one. Nicarious lot. Who's next? Just go. It's Doug's turn. It's Doug's turn. Oh, is it Doug? All right. Last round will be a lightning round, bud. All right. Oh.

Or unless you're not in a hurry If you're not in a hurry Then no, I'm in a hurry I'm in a hurry I'm in a hurry I haven't been in a hurry I sat down I haven't been able

to smoke weeds since I got here All right So yeah So I'm pretty anxious to get out Oh my answer is get out Oh, there you go I forget that you're a joke machine

Get Out directed by actor Jordan Peel Sketch comedy actor Amazing sketch comedy actor Amazing at it And even when he pops up in other things The one thing I like the thing I like least about Jordan Peel's filmmaking Is that you never see him as an actor anymore

Yeah Man, he's so funny He is so funny Yeah, but Get Out is also probably one of the most perfect Like horror movies ever made He's so good More Steenberg in am I right? She's, that's...

No, it's Catherine Keener. Catherine Keener, that's right But she's so good at the hypnotizing scenes. If I hear my father-in-law, he stirs his tea like that. And I'm just like, you can't do it. General? Yeah. Bradley Whitford's amazing.

Like, he's like, he's one of those really, really left-leaning, you know, celebrities that talks about it. Very political. I mean, obviously he was on West Wing. But he's so good in it. And, yeah, that movie, that movie is very, very well done. Did you like Nope? Yep. No.

Nope was a little more fun. Did you like his third movie? And then I go, nope. Yeah, that's the one. Yeah, that's the one. You know, Nope and us both have really cool stuff in them. Yeah. But I just think that he's, he kind of got screwed over by the fact that all the plot

machinations of Get Out are perfect. Like you never sit there and go, why isn't he doing this? Why is he doing that? You know, like you never have a thing to scream at the screen other than, oh my God, this is, you know, You know, this guy's in a terrible fix, you know. He's in quite the fix, I see. To a tight spot. Yeah.

And it's also, but it's an effective horror movie that, like, when I think about it, I don't think of, like, the big gross out moment or, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, it's suspenseful without being gratuitous. Whereas us and Nope sort of start to bring that stuff into it more, especially. Especially, no. Or both. They both get pretty violent. And, um.

Some of that monkey stuff and No. And you just can't. But, you know, it's just like M. Night Shyamalan, like, you're only going to have a great twist ending twice or three times. Yeah. Yeah, you're lucky. If you're one of the greatest of all time. So it's like, you know, six sets, signs, and the village. You know, like his earliest ones, the twist was more exciting than it these days.

Did anybody watch his latest one? Drop? Is that the one where he's at the concert? Or no, is that what it's called? Trap. Trap. Trap. I saw it.

Josh. I'm a hardened head, though. I like hard. You like it? I'm a heartneck. I didn't love it. It was fun. Isn't it just like a lot of holes, but it's fun.

But it's like a whole movie just so his daughter can pretend to be a famous singer. A little bit. Pretty much. A little bit. That's wild. Sweet. A little bit. If I had the means, I would do it.

It's like when Coppola put his daughter and Godfather 3 and ruined that whole movie. A perfect decision that no one's ever questioned. Never. She can't even get shot in the chest and die believably. Like her death scene is so silly looking. It makes it hard to judge the rest of the movie. Because I'm not even sure if I think it would be much better. Like, it would be much better without her,

but I don't know if it would be a good movie. But I think, probably. Right, but the first two, Pacino is like so great. And then the third one, it unlocked the Pacino we have for the rest of our lives. It's like, pull me back in. Just when I thought was out. You know, like, okay, so you're going to do that in every movie from now on. She's got a great ass.

You right your head. all the way up it it's fun it's a fun it's a fun thing that's happened I watch Carly knows way I have he was such a quiet He's just a Puerto Rican

Yeah no he was all intensity In the eyes and stuff What if Jesse Plymouth What if that happened to a Jesse Plymonds In a few years? Oh man We lose him That'd be fun

Because also he had that movie star magnetism Yeah Didn't have to be big You know He didn't have to act so hard You know, but then he got crazy. Doug, can you get your mic to tilt it towards you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you just fix it from over there? Without getting into the shot. Can you move it with your mind? Didn't they get somebody with telekinesis? Get your sweet little ass in the shot next time. We were in the middle of a hot rift, dude. I'm sorry. We were, fuck, we were boiling, dude.

But no one could hear it with Doug isn't. They can feel it. That's more important. You can feel it across the street. There's a line outside now. There's a line at that photo. straight into it from now on look at you guys anymore.

That's a great. That's a great pick. Time for my fourth pick. Damn, I want to like spread it. Okay, I'm going to take Booksmart. Oh, yeah. That was the one I might have picked. That was on my list.

I really liked the movie. It's so good. It's so good. It's so funny. And I love Lido pizza. Lido's? That's in it, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Is that real? Yeah, it's in the valley. Oh, okay, hell yeah. spicy pepperoni. They got spicy pep? Yeah, that's really good. Might have to postmate some later.

When's the last time? I think me and you have had it. I used to get it when I lived in the valley. Okay. Then I bet we have. When's the last time you guys had a night, just like a fucking pizza? You know what I mean?

Like a pepperoni, livered. I was eating until last night after we hung out? Can I guess where you got pizza from? I don't. Yeah, actually. You want to hear something? Yeah.

I was eating a piece of pizza and I ordered a pizza. So while I was eating a piece of pizza. I'm like, I'm going to want more pizza. Smart man. I had two pieces left, and I'm like, I'm going to need more than this. How did you have two pieces left? Because I had, I ordered a pizza when I got here. Yesterday, I ordered a pizza during the day.

You had a pre-podcast pizza? A couple pieces. You had two pieces. How many pizzas did you have yesterday? One and a half. That was all I ate yesterday. Did you read anything else? That was it.

Well, some fries. Oh, yeah. And some wings. Oh, and some wings. Honey mustard wings. Out of babe. Pretty good, dude. I don't doubt that for a second

You saw how I cleared I ate the whole shit off one of those wings You never eaten a chicken wing like a man Where did you get pizza from? Let me look I hope it wasn't dominoes or something It might have been Little Caesars

I don't know with Dominoes Not only Cesar's How do you check your history In Postman is great It's a very funny movie I love Beanie Feltsin I wish we had more Beanie Feltsin in our life She's got to be cooking something

Yeah Like she hasn't been cast In some like I saw this movie Where she's supposed to be British And it was terrible Yeah I saw her on some like game show that I would like to

be beneath her. You know what I mean by that? Like I'm like, I wish better for you. Catherine Deaver is always great. Yeah. But she's always in heavy dramas all the time. It's fun to see her something light. It's just so good. It's got a really good cast and it just cooks from beginning to end.

It's just always fun. Something's always happening, lots of jokes. It's weird that Olivia Wilde's next movie was just a total misfire. Yeah. That stupid. Seems like there were a lot of... Springs movie, Darling, Don't worry, darling.

Yeah, I think that movie was rough. That movie was rough to get through. And I really thought she was going to be like, oh, she's going to make these great comedy movies. Like, she's really got a great eye for like, there's so many fun things that happen in Book Smart. Like the way there's a sequence where just each character, you see them getting hit with a water balloon in slow motion.

Like choices like that, it's just, it's such a fun movie. She tried to go too hard satire smart with like, don't worry darling, right? Because it was like trying to talk about like And stylish You know, it had style

Like if you look at Stills from it It's like oh this movie looks really stylish Hairy stylish Hair Yeah And very Was Hemsworth? Who's the one?

Who's the other The Leigham? No Don't worry darling Oh I thought it was I thought it was Oh pine

Chris Pine Pine Yeah You Yeah I got it without looking I got a pine for him. Chris Pine. Now I'm doing it as well.

Worse and later. Whose turn is it? Sean's time to wrap her up. All right. I'm going to go with that thing you do. Yeah, Tomlin. Hey, that was on my list. It's, I mean.

Are you sure you don't want to go Larry Crown? Not yet. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. That thing you do always gets watched when it's on. Yes. I'm up and through whatever. If I've rarely seen it from the very beginning.

Yeah. If it's on, I'll just watch it. Yeah. It's just so fun, the whole thing. You get some zon in there, some young zon. You like to get zon on, dude. You like to get zon on, dude. You got a hard zon?

Some young live. Yeah. I got a hard zon. I got a big old zoner, dude. I got a Steve zoner. I walk by an old-timey looking, you know, washer dryer, you know, appliance store the other day, and just immediately thought of the scene where they're all just hearing the song for the first time

and running around in the store. It's so great. It's just amazing. It's just like anybody who's ever. heard themselves on the radio can relate to how exciting that is, you know, the first time. Yeah.

It's why, I remember, like, even when you, like, purposely do it, when you would, like, get to people together to watch your late night set, you know, and it's still so cool when it would come on. And you're like, people in St. Louis could be watching them. Finally, yeah.

Some young Ethan Embry. And they managed that movie would not have worked at all if it was a song that you couldn't stand hearing It's such a good song. That song is so catchy. It's nuts.

You don't mind hearing it repeatedly. It's like almost like an energy boost every time they do it. That and, what was it, Eddie and the Cruisers? On the Dark Side. Yeah, that had a song. That had another good song. They tried to sing other songs in that movie. It was boring.

Wow. You don't know watch the other day again. Fuck me. Porkies? The Long Goodbye, the Robert Altman movie. Oh, yeah. And how they have that song in it, The Long Goodbye. but they play it like he'll hear it on the radio

and it's one person singing it and then they're like playing it in the grocery store and it's like the grocery store music version of it I thought that was really cool where they just like have this different song repeating your final pick so it felt it feels weird to do this does Tarantino count

because he was in Dust Till Dawn as an actor it doesn't it cheap it feels cheap right Reservoir Dogs is his first movie and he's one of the six guys I know but he's directed by Robert Rodriguez and Dust Till Dawn if that's the rubric we're using I guess so cheap, doesn't it? No. If you're taking a movie, he's in. Yeah, we got Spike.

Spike's better actor than Quentin, that's for sure. Yeah, that's for sure. No question. I just feel like if I can, I should take Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. Is he in it? No, he's got to be in it. He shows up, right? No. He's not in the movie. He doesn't even have a line? I don't think so. Oh. I've seen it. But he's still an actor directing other actors. But he's an act. I mean, he acts in Dust Till Dawn, and he's directed by Robert Rodriguez. So to me, that makes him an actor. You know how this feels and your right. Yeah, right it does. Okay, I'm not going to do it. Yes, it does. I don't think I want to. I don't think I want to. I would feel cheap doing it too. And when I do it

in two picks, I'm going to feel terrible. I don't think I'm right. The man's in four of his own movies and he acts for other directors, especially early on. He did a lot. There was like remember that movie Destiny turns on the radio? No. He had a big part in that. He like, people would put him in their

movies when he was, you know, hot young director who they thought Was an actor also. All right. Okay, I think you can do it. He was on an episode of Margaret Cho's All-American Girl. Okay. I mean, I just, you know, we don't need to beat that movie to death.

We've already discussed it. It's just like my favorite Tarantino movie by far. And, you know, it's just good. I'm going to take, it's great, it's a phenomenal movie. I'm going to take Barbie. Greta Gerwig, actor. You know what? I'm going to take little women instead.

I prefer Barbie's great I prefer little women Of all her movies Go with your heart Never saw a little My heart It fucking rules

It's really good It's so good Okay Is it my turn yet? No thoughts on little women Right till you hear My next choice It's Doug's turn

Lady Bird Yeah That's Greta Gerbock's Most movie Shout to Sacramento It's so good It's another one I'll just watch

Yeah I'll just watch I mean You know The other movies are good too like she's a good director but but ladybird i don't think there's a scene in it that's longer than two minutes long yeah it is like it just cooks it just like you know just moment after moment lots of good actors everybody's very natural lots of shoutouts to musical theater that i enjoy

like when ladybirds auditioning for the you know the school musical um you know timmy shall one of the first Timmy Shalamee appearances. Yeah, young Sarsha. Young Sarsha. Yeah. Sharsha Ronan is so good. You know the Greta Gourwig was on the pilot for how I met your father?

Oh. So she was like that kind of acting. So like she was on a sitcom pilot and if it would have gotten picked up. She's in that stupid Arthur remake with Russell Bram? Oh, man. She was the girl in that.

So she was just like hanging out and the whole time. She's fucking Greta Gerwig, you know? If she would have been on How I Met Your Father, we wouldn't have gotten these movies. Right. Who has time to direct. Yeah. Crazy.

Yeah, just sort of in a different career. And also people would have been like, no, you can't direct this movie. You're on how I met your father. How I met your father. David, your final pick. Harlem Knights. Who directed that? Eddie Murphy.

Eddie Murphy directed that. Oh, he did? I didn't know that. That's perfect. That movie. I can just watch that one. I can watch the shit out of Harlem Knights. Makes me want to fight Della Reese.

Yeah, dude. Everything makes you want to fight tellerick. Do you like Cotton Club? What do you mean? The movie. Oh, I've never seen it. Jazz. I don't.

I thought he was inviting him to a Cotton Club. How do you feel our Cotton Club? Hold up. We have about an hour before the next recorded. Cotton Club is Francis Ford Coppola, and it's, you know, pretty much the same milieu as Harlem Knights, but it's gangsters and but also lots of tap dancing and music and, you know, It's really good. I just saw it again recently.

Is it really good? I've heard mixed things about it. No, it's really good. Okay, great. Bob Hoskins and Fred Gwyn are like these two mob bosses who are like, you know, best friends. And they're both amazing. Gregory Hines and his brother Maurice play tap dancing brothers. Is it like Duke Ellington Cotton Club?

Is it like that? Yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, whites only, but all the amazing entertainment by black entertainers and the constant battle between the, you know, the two and all that business with like you have to enter through the back door and stuff. It is crazy. Sean also only does anal. Yeah. Never done it.

It's like I'm kind of in the cotton club relationships. I just want to be up front about that. Yeah. Before we go too far. I didn't get how you hijack your picks though. Let's talk about Harlem Knights. It's awesome. It's all-star.

It's like I feel like especially. Pryor's in that. Yeah. They're always. It's like you. I don't think you get comedy movies. where everybody's in it anymore. Right.

You know what I mean? Like the whole crew. Yeah, where you're like, holy shit. I can't believe they pulled this together to have it. Like an old school. Red Fox. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you just don't get that anymore.

It's just like fun. Artheneo. Why am I forgetting his name in it? What's his name? Quick. Yeah. Eddie Murphy looks so cool. He really does.

He looks awesome. That movie has party all the time on the soundtrack, right? Does it? No. God, that'd be tight. That would be. Which that song gets better every day. It's a great song.

People love it now. It's a good song. People used to make fun of it like crazy. That wore off. It like, it stayed in the air. You know the story of that song? Like, he got snowed in in Buffalo and they just made it. Him and Rick James.

He got snowed in. There was a Buffalo blizzard. Big old blizzard out here. Rick James was like, fuck it, man. We need to get you on a track. I wish I could have been there from the inception. like just to see how that No, no, man, I think I can do music

4 a.m. There's only one way out of this. We're going to have to snort our way out. He had another song with Michael Jackson, right? What's up with it? Oh, what's up with you? That song sucks. What's up with you? I love that guy.

All these songs kind of. When you hear him? Party all the time peaked. Party all the time rules. Did you hear the song he was Snoop Lion, red light, green light? Eddie Murphy? Yeah, it's like a reggae.

It's tough. That's what they say about him is that like the Eddie Murphy's stories that he would just be holed up making reggae tracks like for himself not to put out I can't wait till I hit that era

yeah yeah it'd be amazing tell me you never thought about getting like a beat machine like an MPC and being like I bet I could make some for sure thought

I have but have you ever thought about holding up making a reggae album every day I got a kid I can't do that you should do a draft of actors who put out one album

that's a good draft only one is like John Johnson. Yeah, a lot of them probably did a follow-up because he did okay with the first one. Like Bruce Willis, did Bruce Willis have more than one? I don't think so.

Like Billy Bob had an actual band, though, I think. Did Swayze ever have an album? He had that one song, right? She's like the win. She's like the wind. 30 seconds to Mars has like multiple albums. Yeah, they're all in your collection, right? Yes.

They're the basis of my, I would say the bedrock of my musical art. That's the real jazz right there. The bedrock of my musical soundscape is 30 seconds to Mars. And from that. fertile soil. Got a loader. I think I could do it in 15. So, yeah, I'll change it to

actor getting into, you know, just actors who tried music. All right. Well, let's restart. Delete the episode we just did. Isaac, do you have a pick? I do. I can't believe none of you guys took.

I think, in my opinion, Rob Reiner's best movie when Harry met Sally. Oh, sure. Pretty good. Absolutely. One of my four favorite movies of all time. I couldn't just keep taking

Rob Reiner movies because I could I could have just taken five Rob Reiner movies We did a good job at spreading it around Yeah there were so many There's so many multiples yeah Stand by me Run Spinal Tap

The sure thing Stand by me Princess Bride When Harry Met Sally Misery a few good men God In a row right In a row

It's in there North North North And then the American president We drafted movie runs Which isn't bad Which isn't bad It's a fun watch Did we draft movie runs

We did right something like that. Shea, yeah. Yeah. It's a fun topic. That's a really good one. Who had the best run without a stinker in there? Like no stinker.

We could do that again because he had to go. Huh? He was only there for like 45 minutes. She? Yeah. Oh, I don't remember that. Okay. Do you guys think Edgar Wright has yet to have a dud?

I haven't seen last time so. That I've seen, they're all, they all seem pretty solid. I feel like he's killing it. Dude, that Running Man remake? It looks cool. Sign me up. It looks really good. Glenn Powell?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I love. You're a big pal guy. Motherfucker is a movie star. I love Coleman Domingo as the Smarmy game show host. Yeah, Coleman Domingo can kind of do anything. Killing it.

Dude, Josh Brolin, being a prick, it just looks awesome to me. Little Michael Sarah. A little Michael Sarah with a beard. I'm super psyched on that. Yeah, that's going to be fun. Yeah, I'll go see that. That's Kelly Jordan's like one of her like top five

movies of all time is the running man. So hopefully I'll get to go with mom. Also top five dances of all time. Yeah. I saw some of it again recently, the running man. and Richard Dawson is great in it. They're all great, dude.

Like, it was great choice to just get, let's get a real game show host and just have him come in and do it. Do your shit like it's a game. But then when they finally kill him at the end, when he goes, when he shoots through that tube and then it shoots out and it explodes.

Yeah. It's like, it feels like two minutes of watching Richard Dawson just go, oh, it's like so over, like by the point when he actually dies, you're like, well, now I've lost interest in this. You know what I mean? It's like if Alan Rickman fell from the tower

And it was like, you know, took a couple minutes To get to the ground. You'd like lose interest after a lot. Push him out of a spaceship. You got to hit faster, man. Excellent picks all around. To recap, Sean, you went first. You took the town, Iron Man, Mystic River,

that thing you do, and once upon a time in Hollywood. I took Unforgiven, Princess Bride, Rocky Ford, book smart, and little women. Doug, you took this is spinal tap. and Cain, Elf Get Out and Lady Bird. David, you took the Cable Guy, Braveheart, do the right thing, a star is born, and Harlem

Knights. Man. Those are all good. We lost some great stuff on the board, Yantle. Yeah. Argo. League of their own. If you consider Penny Marshall an actor. Slingblade? Slingblade. Slingblade. Gone, baby. Gone. Who did not know that? Oh, I did not know that. Yeah. It's a really good movie.

Yeah, I love that movie. A Royal Payne just last year was Jesse Eisenberg. Matilda was Danny DeVito? Really? Dances with Wolves, South Dakota. Yes, sir. Well, Danny DeVino had a nice run there because War of Roses was really good.

What about Big Knight? It's directed by two actors, Tucci and Campbell. Was Campbell the other brother in it? No. Shalube. Shalooab is the other brother. Shaloo.

That's right. Big Knight's great. Shalub, Tucci. Have you seen Big Knight? No. It's not right up your alley, but I bet you'd like it. Big Night's great.

Redford's first, Ordinary People. One best pick. picture. Yeah, that's right. I've never seen ordinary people. It's so good. It's really but you'll cry. Yeah. It's like not a lot of times to watch. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You don't got to watch it twice. It still has

some humor in it though. Like it's not completely depressing. Not like Mr. Griver. There's not one funny thing. I wrote down Lost in Translation, Sophia Coppola. Oh, yes. Oh, I guess so. Yeah. That's definitely her best, I think. Her other movies all are kind of uneven for me, but

I. She did Girl Interrupted? Is that Sophia? Marie Antoinette's fun to look at She do No What did she? She did Maria Antoinette She did the bling ring She did that one where

She did the one where Colin was a Colin what's his name Was a wounded soldier And Nicole Kidman gave him Sponge Bath Cold Mountain? Oh yeah

Colin Farrell Cold Mountain No It's called the She did the beguiled The baguiled Yeah They were all beguiled

By this soldier who comes through And he's injured And all these women want to fuck him Oh I saw that They were the beguiled. He was the beguiler. Yeah.

So it was definitely from a female perspective. Sure. If it would have been called the beguile. Oh, wait, though. We can't call her an actress, though. What? It's not exactly what she was doing. Sophia Coppola doesn't count as an actor who directs.

Yeah. Isaac. She's acted. That works. She did. In many movies. Chef is another Fabro. Maid is another movie.

Maid is a really good. So funny, man. Maid's funnier than Swingers, but it came, like, it doesn't get the credit. Swingers came out first. Yeah, I feel like Maid is the most Vince Von Vincent off. Even Puffy's funny in that movie. Well, we also, you know, he gave us a hint of what he was really about. Puffy's funny in movies.

He's funny and get him to the Greek, too. He's amazing in that. He sucks. He sucks, but, yeah, he's very funny and get him. Zoolander. Yeah. Is another Ben Stiller. Let's stick up for him a little bit.

For dinner? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant Zoolander. Yeah. Well, heck. Oh, you know what? I also want Kenneth Brana's Poirot movies. Yeah.

They're fun. They're fun. They're not good. No, they're not good. Especially, like, it's pretty balsy to remake Murder on the Orient Express. Yeah. And that mustache is insane. It's nuts.

It's crazy. His mustache is so I just stare at it. Like, what? Yeah. Like, what kind of contraption? He literally has a contraption. He said, like, between that and Wild Wild Wild West, he said, some wild wild facial hair

he's also directed belfast he's a good director he's very good director uh well we want to hear you talented man talented Kenneth Branagh hit us up at all fantasy podcasts at gmail com to let us know your picks shout out to everyone the all fantasy everything Patreon where you can get live episodes

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Shout to Frank Ocean Shut to Sid the News Shut to Hodja beats More important than all that Tune it again next week To another Brand new episode of All Fantasy

Everything Shackety That was a HeadGum podcast What's up everybody? I'm Kyle Mooney And what's up everybody? I'm Beck Byr. And man, we got something to tell you.

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