All Fantasy Everything - Months (w/ Simon Gibson, David Gborie, and Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

We recorded this months ago, thinking it'd come out in December.Thanks to Dude, IDK Studios for hosting us!Episode Guest:Simon Gibson @simeygibson (IG: @simeygibson)Support the show!Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, mailbags, and video pre-rolls.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel (IG: @IanKarmel)Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan (IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan)David Gborie (IG: @Coolguyjokes87)Isaac K. Lee @IsaacKLee (IG: @IsaacKLee)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is all Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're doing an AFE in-person mini draft because there's four of us and we're drafting months. Our guest today is our friend, the wonderful stand-up comedian and television personality, Simon Gibson. I'm your host, Ian Carmel. With me, as always, are my friends and stand-up comedians, David Borey and Sean Jordan. Iceman, hit that theme music. Already in progress, this is All Fantasy Everything. Welcome, Radioland.

I'm sure I've noticed a lot of podcasts start by yelling welcome, and we've been doing it for six years, but a lot of people do it now, so we need a new opening opening do you think they did that because of our influence on this space i think so i think so yeah that's why they're trying to go to the moon again yeah that's exactly right well because we proved that the first time they went it wasn't it was fake i lost the bit studio in burbank it was fake moon landing was fake my buddy micah believes it was fake. And his whole thing is like, why is the transmission so clear? That's his whole argument. He's like, he goes, during Desert Storm, we could barely see it.

It was all grainy. But the moon, we could see it crystal clear. And I'm like, you're stupid. You don't know what you're doing. Dumb guy, smart guy stuff. Here's the thing. I don't know why that's stupid. Yeah, right, exactly.

To be completely honest. There's no wind on the thing. Yeah. I don't know why that's stupid. Yeah, right. Exactly. To be completely honest. There's no wind on the moon, man. That is one of them, right? Yeah, but they actually just made the flag that way. Right. So it's this guy who's like, this is why you're, you know. Is that true? Yeah.

They just like made it sticky. That's not right. It's rigid. They built it so it's rigid. Yeah. I had a friend Who was like Who was there to pan the camera I was like 22

Like fuck Fuck I believe Stanley Kubrick shot it But I believe he was on the moon with him That's my I think he went up there That's my conspiracy It was staged

But it was actually on the moon On the moon Yeah When a conspiracy theory hits It's tough Oh it's tough. Oh, it's really nice. Shit. They got a point.

It always, that's the problem. Yeah. I want to believe. They got a point. They do have a point. I joke about it, but you watch Loose Change, and you're like, oh, no. Oh, no. I was talking to somebody the other day.

We were hanging out, and I kept making these points. And she'd be like, oh, and she'd press me, and I'd only have two for everything. And she's like, you really only have, like, two points of backups for anything you say. And I was like, well, caught. Well, that's all they told me. State's over.

That's all I saw on the video. It was a conspiracy theory date. Yeah. Aren't they all? Are we just all waiting to figure out the weird shit we believe in? Do you remember which conspiracy theory it was? Green things are for black people. Oh, yeah.

But I've heard that, too. Like, Sprite and pool. Probably for me. It might have been for you. Was it somebody saying Sprite and Newport? Yeah, it was. It was Sprite and Newport. Yeah, it was. It was Sprite and Newport. Yeah, it was me.

It was me. I said that to you. She was like, oh, okay, go on. And I was like, Sprite, Menthols. Yeah, what else? Ray John Rondo. And she was like, okay. Two.

And I was like, but those are two pretty big ones. But Sprite is definitely, I mean, Sprite is absolutely marketed towards black people. It's the most, it was the NBA drink. The NBA drink. For real. It made Drake turn it, that was a weird correction. That was not cool. That Drake was a robot?

Yeah. It wasn't very, do you remember in the 90s, though, where it was just like, keep it real, drink Sprite. If you're an athlete, you need to drink Sprite. If you really want to make it, drink Mad Sprite. It was always kind of condescending, like, are you out playing basketball with your boys in the hood? Welteringly hot.

Using the title. Are you out there trying to be a menace to society? I thought the whole Million Can March thing was very inspiring. I thought that was a beautiful moment. I could not be inspired by that. This motherfucker. The Million Can March, he says. Oh, man.

We're gathered here not to talk about sprites inroads with the black community, but also to fantasy draft months. There's only 12 of them. There's only 12 of them. There's only 12 of them. We are in person. The rare in-person podcast at

Dude IDK Studios. Beautiful. Shout out. Thank you for having us. Shout out to the studio. Shout out to the squad in beautiful Denver, Colorado. We were up. I think we're going to start calling it D.C. from now on. D.C.? We're here in beautiful D.C. I've decided D.C. West.

D.C. West. Chocolate City West. Here in Colorado. Also a huge, huge jazz city. Huge jazz city. Known for our politics. You've got a beltway. Yeah?

Yeah. Go on. Sean's going to try to wake Joe Biden up right from here in D.C. West. Man, I wish somebody would, man. Lower that APR assignment. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let's get. Man, I wish somebody would, man. Lower that APR, Simon. You know what I mean? Yeah. Let's get the APR down, bud.

We got to get these APRs down. I'm actually fine with the gas prices right now. I'm okay with it. You're fine with it? I'm fine with the gas prices as well. Lower the APR. You can drive, playboy. Exactly.

Are we going to put this out in November? Because we're in November. I don't know where we are. Where are we? This will be November. This will be... And the first two weeks of December are Shane Torres. So is this, we're just going to put this out before Christmas?

It's going to be out like mid-December. Mid-December. Merry Christmas, you guys. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah, everyone. Wonderful time. It's so funny. Up on that rooftop, reindeer paws.

I love a good 85 degree December morning. I can't, sorry if you're somewhere where it's like super nice during Christmas, I can't get with it. I don't like it. I don't want a nice hot Christmas. LA Christmas has kind of freaked me out. LA Christmas is terrible. I mean, I- It is good because everyone with families and friends leaves town and then all of us trolls with no one get to stay.

That's what I loved about... Get to drink Jameson together. That's what I loved about San Francisco Christmas because it was still kind of cold. I like Christmas. It's just warm and you wake up and you're like, I guess I'll drink some hot cocoa. Yeah, yeah. I like the way you put the little...

I'm trying to mix it up. I like it a lot. It's the end of the year. It's the holidays. Christmas is just around the corner. Yeah, it's the holidays. Come on, man. Christmas is just around the corner. We're still full. Thanksgiving.

Riding the high of Thanksgiving. This is a sugar plums dance in my head. We did all our Black Friday shopping. Everything's wonderful. The Blazers are undefeated right now. It's crazy. I got four TVs. You got four TVs?

You got four TVs. Yeah. You got a bathroom TV. What's a sugar plum? Big ol' egg. Ask your mom. That's exactly what I wanted it to be. I have no idea.

I think some kind of a candied plum, I would imagine. Some sort of candied plum situation. Ian, if anybody would know, it seems like a thing you would know. I imagine it's like a candied plum. I think you're right. It's probably like cooked in rum or sugar or something like that. A sugar plum? I don't know, dude.

Gross? What's not gross to you? It's the five things. Hot sauce. It's an acceptable fruit, and it's booze and sugar. It seems like it would be right up your alley. I don't like a plum. We don't need to waste time talking about this.

Yeah, we've been here. This is all I want to talk about. We've been here before. To hell with months. Let's read the room. Y'all like plums? See that? That's a plum vote for me. I'm a plum guy as well.

When you get it on time? When you get that plum on time? That good plum where it's got that come on, baby. It's not just sour. It's got that plum flavor coming out. Man, I represent all stone fruit. Yeah, I'm a big stone fruit guy. Are they a tree fruit?

Yeah. Yeah. Does that help? I definitely don't like them. No. You don't like tree fruit? I hate tree shit, dude. As we're recording this, we are at the High Plains Comedy Festival, which has been lovely.

Thank you months ago for coming out to the live show. Very nice of you. Very nice of you to do. I don't know why we're hosts so ahead of schedule because by the time you've listened to this, you will have experienced November, which we have yet to record. Yeah. But that was for the past. What is for the future

as we near the end of the year is drafting months. And the way we determine the order of this draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, Sean wins a natural.

A natural of scissors against two paper. Oh, yeah. Took you both out. It's okay, man. Yeah, I always go. I like me. Here's for future games. I always go paper. I never do anything. You always go paper. Sean finally figured it out. 340 episodes later. I don't always go paper. You. I always go paper. I never do anything. You always go paper. Sean finally figured it out. 340 episodes later.

I don't always go paper, though. You don't always go paper? Most of the time. I just have seasons. It's your paper season? Yeah. It's our 25th anniversary. It's always paper season, baby.

First anniversary is the paper anniversary. First one is? Yeah. Man, I don't know any of that stuff. Well, what you do know, because I'm about to tell you, is that as the winner of Rock Paper Scissors, it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of this draft, Elvide.

But I do need to remind you, it is a serpentine draft. And what is that? Great question. Well, with Christmas just around the corner. It's right around the corner. It's like when you're hanging your Christmas lights, if you want to do it like the Griswolds, Simon, you're stupid. I'll explain it to you. Yeah. So you just slow it down.

You're talking too fast. You start at the top of the roof and go all the way to the right and then down about three inches. Yeah. All the way to the left, down about three more inches, all the way to the right until you cover the whole roof with Christmas lights. So make sure it's three inches. Do you pull your penis out or is it a Got him! I pull my dick out and then I

break a hole in the roof because it's so big. Oh nice, okay, cool. There we go. Three inches, I pull my penis out and then I have to find another friend to I was walking around with this chode detector at Race Wars. Oh yeah, several months ago we at Race Wars. Oh, yeah. Several months ago, we had Race Wars.

This has been a complicated weekend. I've learned a lot. It was merch. It was. I learned. I got a hat that I can only wear one day a year. The revolution will not be televised, and the Race Wars will have merch. Even on that day, I was like, this is, you know, this is dicey.

I was like, I'm glad there's not more of them. Steven's walking around going, he's going, race wars. Like, so ominous. He raised a dog, which seems like a bad precedent. Yeah. I don't like inter-species competition. It's called race wars, not species.

He beat a corgi. I don't want to keep hammering the same thing. Why is everybody doing that? I'm not shitting on that. You got a short little leg. But you're not giving credit to Steve is fast as fuck. Steve is fast as fuck. He's a division one college sprinter. That means the dog must be

pretty fast. I guess it was a close pretty race. Animals are fast. I couldn't see what kind of dog it was because of the crowds. I'm like, oh man, it's one of these fast dogs. And then I was like, what?

And the thing's like... A corgi is the funniest dog for it to be. We can agree on that. People can't race real animals. Steven would have raced a Rottweiler if there was one there. Although I told Stephen when he got done, he goes, fuck that dog. And he wasn't smiling.

He also started the beef. He was like, is that dog talking shit? And everybody was like, what? He's like, I gotta race this fucking dog. I gotta do what I gotta do. Nobody's saying that. It's like you chugging hot sauce. I'll do it.

Yeah, you're like, alright, man. I don't know why you guys think I won't chug a pint you hot sauce where you're like give me time yeah you're like all right man I don't know why you guys think I won't chug a pint of hot sauce I will I would know you would don't do it uh we're gonna draft months basically if you pick fourth in the first round you pick first

in the second round now Sean with that in mind what will the order of today's fantasy draft I'm first straight up and down noise uh David Simon in hot With that in mind, what will the order of today's fantasy draft be? I'm first. Straight up and down. Wow. David, Simon, Ian. Hot corner. Woo!

All right. Hot, hot, hot corner. Which means Sean, who has given himself the first pick, will have that first pick right after we take this short break. This episode of all fantasy, everything, is brought to you by Schedule 35. Now, microdosing is an absolute game changer. I have never heard a bad word about it. And like we said, this episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Schedule 35,

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Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fans See Everything Already in Progress. I'm not screaming today. No, my voice is already gone. The first words I heard today was my wife

telling me I looked puffy. It's weird that she didn't say you looked ditty instead. Those are the first words I hear every other day. Damn, Sean, you look ditty. She's like, damn, you look ditty. I go, uh-uh. That sounds like something Puffy would have tried to get going, is like saying you look

ditty. You know what I mean? Like some sort of, there would have been like some sort of like a psyops operation. Not a bad boy. You look ditty. Damn, girl, you look ditty. Damn, it's pretty ditty out today. You know that people sing from Diddy Diddy?

Oh, yeah. Do the diddy if you want to. That song rules. That song. I never liked Docs, dude Itty? Oh yeah, do the diddy if you want to. That song rules. I never liked Docs, dude. Really? Oh yeah.

That's probably 20 down on my most played list right now. Really? I just like that beat. It's very... You don't have to

take it out. You don't have to take it out. It's not going to get my dick out. Are you trying to measure three inches? What's going on over here?

Sean's going to read us his most played list for some reason. You ever heard that Topps, you ever heard of Fat Pat? I've heard about,

yeah, I've heard about... Topps Drop? How old is that song? I've heard about, yeah. Topps Drop? How old is that song? I've heard about your first pick. What are we doing right now? You heard that song Foreign Features by Sir Michael Rock? Have you heard of it?

Why are you taking out your top 20? Before we get to the draft, which we only allocated an hour for, let's go ahead and go over shots. What's your first, whatever. What's my first most played song? I don't even know How to find it October

Oh that's your first Oh yeah OVO Cause you love Drake Yeah Drake's gonna come in heavy On all my On all my months

You also love Owls Man I do love Owls I know Owls are off the chains October It's got my birthday Ian's birthday

Shane's birthday Halloween The gateway to My favorite part of the year I feel like gateway to my favorite part of the year. I feel like most people's favorite part of the year. Fall color. It's not like disgusting winter yet. Not like I like winter, but it's still like crisp.

You can skate with a hoodie on, which has always been one of my favorite things. I just October, baby. All day. It's long. You got 31, 31 days of it. Halloween. Much longer than all the other ones. Multiple days longer. Yeah. October is at the end. Yeah, much longer than all the other ones. Multiple days longer.

Yeah, October's a good get. I do love October. There was two clear front runners for me. Had to pick October. October, man. I like October. I like it. Yeah, I mean, I love it.

I guess, yeah. You can call it Rocktober. I made the first pick because now I'm like, shit. Yeah. That's all I have. Have fun with your shit 11 months over there. It's got a marquee holiday in it, like you said. Right at the end.

It's fantastic. It's the most fun, low stakes holiday. There's no pressure on that holiday. I do like that about Halloween. Yeah, there's no gifts involved. And the older I get, I'm getting like, we buy one piece of Halloween decoration every year. We'll get like a big piece and that goes in. That's like added to the collection.

Dude, I'm out there putting the spider web on the roof. We got a big Frankenstein right now having coffee with a skeleton in our front yard. Frankenstein and a skeleton having coffee? A big blow up Frankenstein with a peace sign. He's chucking a deuce and it says, take your selfie here. And then there's a table and a skeleton with his legs crossed and a huge one of the big ass spiders on the table and they're having coffee. That's great.

Forget about it. I'm out of here. Dad shit. I love Dad shit. Our neighbor's got the biggest RV you've ever seen and it's blocking our whole shit. It bums me out so much. I'm like, nobody can even. You have to go talk to him.

Nobody can. I think he can take me. I'm not going to talk to him like that. Fire bomb it then. Fire bomb it. Should I go piss on it? Get back to your Irish roots. Was that weird to say? No, I don't think so. No, man. I got IRA blood in me.

The troubles. Firebomb it, dude. Make a fentanyl firebomb. It'll look like you're at a mobile meth lab. You see, it was in the way of my Halloween decoration, so I had to bomb your RV. The Scottish or Irish? This is new. What is that?

Irish? Irish. What did this start? Wait, say it. What? Irish. I'm Irish. Have you been working on this in secret?

If I ever go to Ireland, that's how I'm going to walk into a bar and be like, I'm Irish. Trust me. Other countries love that bit. Other countries love it when you fire into the firebomb. I'm Irish. I'd like to change it up.

Give me a Miller highlight. I'm Irish. But I am Irish. You know it's a good accent when you have to say, I'm Irish. I'm Irish. Give me a Miller highlight. You know that's how good accent when you have to say, I'm Irish. I'm Irish. Give me a Miller highlight. You know that's how it goes with accents. Like when I try to do Australian, I got to be like, fosters, fosters, fosters.

So it's an alcohol gateway for you. Yeah. Why is it? Can you manage to have it your way into a Jewish accent? Okay. Let's hear it. I love the look on Ian's face. Come on.

It's devilish. No. He's like, yeah, do it. Why don't you do Jamaican, too? Why don't you do my mom? Why don't you talk like my mom? Isaac, will you come talk like David's mom real quick?

Why don't you talk like my mom, dude? October it is. It's a great pick. It's a great pick. We'll bail you out. I don't... Man, I was worried and I gotta be honest. It's a great pick. We'll bail you out. I don't. That's a good pick. Ooh. Man, I was worried, and I got to be honest. That was great. That was pretty much spot on.

It's actually really good. I wish you guys could see what he's doing with his hands. It's actually really good. Yeah, if you could just see the way his hands are kind of just like. I'm still getting. I'm still nervous for being called out for being racist yesterday. Well, you didn't have to bring it up

they wouldn't know two months ago oh yeah they didn't know shit Isaac air horns over that please go back and listen to the Sam talent if you haven't

joined the Patreon join the Patreon straight up and down join and listen to that fucking episode Sam was a wild man yesterday Isaac was talking about

cutting most of it he's like Zeke leave it in let us burn, baby. October, baby. Who's got the second pick? Everybody eats. David.

David, for your first pick. April. What? April. Oh, I love it. Really? Especially in Colorado. It's just coming out because it's like there could still be snow.

Yeah. Like we could get a snowstorm, but also it's just coming out you get the shorts on again you could see everybody you start spring thaw if you're a fisherman spring thaw dude yeah the shorts out baby get the gams out i love it i love the beginning it's the beginning it's like the way you like the gateway to the winter. It's the gateway to all things fun and warm. It's the beginning of like, because winter gets me. I forgot about it until I moved back here. Winter gets me.

The end is rough. The end is rough. There's a couple months we'll discuss later. Living in LA, you really forget that like, oh yeah, when you see it and it's a novelty, you're like, cute. bro yeah when you see it and it's a novelty you're like cute yeah but when you're fucking got clouds hanging over your head for four months straight yeah your life has been altered yeah and it's like you just start to remember any everything i love walking down and seeing the little baby ducks and geese yeah it's just a good time it reminds me don't make me cry dude seeing like a family of ducks. It's so pure.

Big dad podcast for you. I will say. So I, so I work right by the, uh, the LA river. And one thing, you know, that's good about climate. Notorious, beautiful LA river. What a dick. LA river. And then you move there and you're like this. Yeah.

Whoa. What the fuck? This is a piece of shit. But you know, LA did have like some of the worst storms, you know, and so much rain. Yeah. Whoa. What the fuck? This is a piece of shit. But, you know, L.A. did have like some of the worst storms, you know, and so much rain. Yeah. And I mean, that like the best thing is it actually is like a river now. Yeah. And I saw a family of ducks floating down like a brother, a monster crying like four or five baby ducks.

I started crying. It was truly the most precious thing. It's I walk. But also there's garbage, you know precious thing it's i walk but also there's garbage you know floating around i walk down by there every day i watch these guys go from babies to full-grown geese to not knowing me anymore so it felt like like you know like three or four i would see them pretty much every day because i was home a lot this year and you just watching them grow up and you're like wow the passage of time this is so beautiful look at these ducks and then all of a sudden they're teens now they're not now they're teens you know what i mean all those teenage ducks

these ducks are fucking you know what i mean it's got a car it doesn't want to hang out with dad on the weekends anymore do ducks have sex did they do the in and out? No, they actually do it out and in. That's a way to do it. It lasts longer. I mean, the cool ones do. You never seen duck dicks? No. Oh, they're crazy.

It's a corkscrew, right? You could pop open a bottle of wine with that thing. Yeah. Ducks have very aggressive sex. Are you looking it up? You got your phone out, right, when David said duck sex? No, I just know about duck sex off the top, dude. This is the list.

Isn't it like they have false holes inside to trick the other duck? It's bad. Duck sex is complicated. They have phantom pussies. Yeah. Guess I've been having duck sex the whole time. Okay, come on, folks. Oh, glad I got that out.

April in Portland is still a little crummy. Really? You're still like this piece of shit town. Yeah. I love all that shit. Yeah, but you love the gloom. It's not like. I don't love the gloom.

I don't either. John does. When we moved here, that was the best part. 300 days of sunshine a year. I hate the't love the gloom When we moved here that was the best part 300 days of sunshine a year I hate the PNW gloom I can't stand that shit Sometimes during Bridgetown you would get those first couple days Of like nice weather in April

But it was always late April But I feel what you're saying Did the lights just go down for a second? No you're having a Well let's finish it out and go to the hospital. Man, the guy's puffy. The lights. He's stroking out.

He's having a hard time. You too, huh? You too, huh? You're having a McConnell. If he's dead by now, I apologize for that. Could be. He might be. Simon, time for your first pick.

Yes. Great two picks. Thank you, Simon. Both the ones i was gonna choose can i guess i'll try uh i'm gonna go i'm gonna go the month after october and go november what november is great i mean no i do but i mean this is crazy to me no i just there's a clear anyway yeah okay aside from talking about your shit pick. Yes. Thank you. All right.

So aside from Thanksgiving, I'll get to that. But like, okay. You're a big Armistice Day guy, right? Yeah. Okay. Let me do it. This is my month, Sean. Well, so like I'm a big sports guy. So it's like for me, you know, you still have hope for your football teams.

You know, it's only the first four games. You know, Russell Wilson could turn it around. Don't do that to me. Great trade on your part. Great trade. Don't do that to me. Don't come here and do that to me. So you still have it. You know, you still have a lot of hope. And, you know, as a, you know, just a truly miserable Portland Trailblazer fan, I, you know, I haven't, it's the first week of the season, so I haven't completely given up yet. We could come back from two and eight. Yeah, I'm like two and eight. Come on.

We just got to win the next. You're not staring down the barrel of 16 games. Yeah. Yeah. Oof. I mean, the season has already started during this. As of right now, Blazers undefeated. It's crazy.

Give it up for Scoot Henderson, rookie of the year. Yeah. Meanwhile, Russell Wilson now, Blazers undefeated, it's crazy. Henderson rookie of the year. Meanwhile, Russell Wilson's out of the league. Sierra's back with future. It's crazy. What happened? Whoa.

Jeez. If that is a correct prediction, if the Blazers are good and scoots gray and Russell Wilson, literally out of the NFL, before the future, this has been the craziest. Yeah. It's the craziest year of our lives. If Sierra gets back with Future? This has been the craziest year of our lives. If Sierra gets back with Future, global warming is taking us all out.

Because evil wins. Evil wins, yeah. Bad wins. Future is the quarterback for the Broncos. I guess John Payton really can make it work. If we have primetime and future quarterbacks the fucking broncos little wayne is moving here yeah he's gonna move to death i'm moving here the gates of hell will open to red rocks if that happens man that's all man this could all be accurate by now yeah it

could i don't think so no i don't know so i mean it's it's a great sports month and i i really do like i love thanksgiving it's probably my favorite holiday just in the way that like what sean was saying you know the the expectations yeah you know you get family around and sometimes it's like you know but most of the time i'll go up to portland for christmas so I'm in LA for Thanksgiving and I have just turned that into just one big get drunk right away smoke eat and like watch like four movies you know it's the holiday where I'm not depressed to not be with my family you know I'm fine being with my I love you all the pieces it'd be fun to be with you on any holiday but Thanksgiving is the one where it's like all right this isn't a huge bummer no I'm just with my homies. I used to try

to make a point to go and visit family during Thanksgiving and then a few years ago, my mom's like, I don't care about this. Yeah, dude. I was like, oh, I was doing this for you. She's like, I don't even love you. I don't like you.

Go back to Los Angeles. My mom's like, I love you, but I don't really. I don't love you. I thought you were a big poop until you came out. I thought you were a big poop. I thought you were a big poop. Simon's mom. Simon's mom's quoted.

I thought you were a big poop, to be honest. That's why I smoked all those cigarettes. Jesus Christ, this is a bummer. All fantasy. Simon's mom. She's a bummer. All fantasy. Simon's mom. She's a big poo. Coming this fall. There's the clip.

So, I mean, this last Thanksgiving, you know, I do like to cook, you know, but also Thanksgiving is definitely in the wheelhouse where the recipes aren't complicated. You know what I mean? I'm throwing cans of shit. Yeah. Some shit. That's a good poop. That's a good point. You can cook Thanksgiving dinner pretty drunk. Drunk.

The first Thanksgiving, I was in LA. Watching Top Gun Maverick. We were going to two dinner parties one night, Adam and I. And the first one was at my buddy's parents' house. And so we brought a bottle of wine and a bottle of Jameson. The bottle of Jameson was for the the first one was at my buddy's parents' house. And so we brought a bottle of wine and a bottle of Jameson. The bottle of Jameson was for the other party that was at Charlene's house. So I left the bottle of Jameson outside and we brought in the wine. And then like an hour in, Andy's dad or Andy's father-in-law came in and he's just holding a

bottle of Jameson. And he's like, who's this? I was like, I tried to hide it outside for the other party. The Thanksgiving fairy dropped off some Jameson. It was crazy because I'm like, well, it didn't just appear on the point. Somebody was hiding it. I was hiding it. I love that you hid a bottle of Jameson in the bushes at a dinner party. Like some kind of shiftless hobo. Like you're a person not used to being indoors.

I was new to bringing bottles to dinner situations. Flapjack McCormick taught me this trick back in Grants Pass in 1849. It was the first dinner party I ever brought a bottle to. You know, where you feel sophisticated. Technically, you didn't. You left it outside. You brought two bottles. I brought them a bottle of wine, dog.

I brought in the wine. Was there not a car you could leave the Jameson in? No, we were Ubering. This is after my car died. When David and I were together, my car died. Just going down the freeway. November. Yeah.

I like it. You know what? It's still hopeful. You know, the winner has. I mean, it's still hopeful. Let me tell you. Poop here. I get back-to-back jacks right here.

I know you do. That's the issue. I'm taking December. Yeah, yeah. There we go. Got to go December. I mean, I am a Jew. Hanukkah's in December.

I believe it's Hanukkah. Hanukkah. But also, it's just the whole Christmas season. I mean, come on. If a city has any magic in it at all, it'll put it on display during the holidays. I just love the feeling of being in a city before Christmas. Last year we were in New York

just before Christmas. It was a dream. I don't know. There's a feeling of magic in the air. All the storefronts are decorated. There's music. Everything's festive. I would love to. Yeah, New York. I've never been there in that time of year. We were there December 18th

or something. I like to go to the muggiest months. Yeah, yeah. The most mosquito-iest muggiest months. West Isle virus. Smelling like nuts

on the subway. Hot piss wind. Yeah, I'm like, mosquito. What is that? See, I love this pic, but it makes me feel like a Grinch

because I find all that taxing. Ooh, I love it pic, but it makes me feel like a Grinch because I find all that taxing. Ooh, I love it. I love it. And now that buying presents for people is finally hitting where it's like, this is the best. It's so much better than getting presents. I love the lights. I love the music. I love the food.

I love the parties. I love that people are having parties. You see people at festivals. I even am at the point where I love seeing the drunk Santa Claus, Santa Con people. Oh, yeah. Because I'm like, good for them. Whoa, that's fucked.

I'm like, good for them. That's fucked. Look at these idiots. Look at these finance people. But there's one thing I hate. It's Santa Con. I'm letting them. I'm in there like swimwear, baby.

I'm right with you. I love that shit. I saw a couple. I was on the bus during Santa Con, and I looked out the window, and I saw a couple doggy-style dry humping on the street. Doggy-style dry humping? Both dressed as Santa Claus. Two Santas?

And I was like, I'm going to burn this city to the ground. That? Come on. That's a miracle. Fuck that. Fuck that. That's all that's beautiful about humanity. It was like 4 p.m.

Doggy-style dry humping. Going down the chimney, man. Come on. Name of the next rap song, doggy style dry humping? There it is. All right, perfect. Oh, no. Look out for detox.

Keep looking out for detox. It's also like, it's winter before winter gets tedious. Like, it's cold. Oh, it's still kind of new. It's still new. We'll talk about the tedious months. I feel you. Like, it does get where you're like, well, there's nothing to look forward to now except for April.

The tedious winter months. Another name for a song. The tedious winter months. That's different, though. That's more of like a Machine Gun Kelly. That's going to be my window pane. Emo, yeah. But yeah, December. I just love it. Also, you get New Year's in it and everything. It's just a

fun... It's the month we're in right now, for God's sake. Don't we love the way we feel right now? I wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else. We'll be right back. This episode of All Fantasy Everything is brought to you by Babbel. If you want to learn a new language, the best way is to uproot your entire life. You drop everything you're doing, just go to a brand new country.

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ridiculous. And I don't know what fun means, but I do like walking. I love to skateboard, but it's hard. I got to drive to the park. I got to get warmed up, which takes your boy a gentleman's half hour these days because these gams ain't what they used to be. But I know that's what makes me happy. And it's hard to make time for it. When you feel like you don't have any time for yourself, it can weigh on you more than anything else. Non-negotiables like therapy are more important than ever in that situation. You need to set time, get it like I keep saying, get a new set of ears on it. If you're having a tough time finding time for yourself, if you just talk to someone, you say these things out loud, you will realize

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slash HallFantasy today to get 10% off your first month. Again, that's BetterHelp H-E-L-P dot com slash HallFantasy. Even if we didn't take a break there, that's funny. That's a fun little... We'll be right back. And my second pick, as it is a serpentine draft, July. I'm taking July.

God, shit. Give me December. That was the only other clear front runner to me. Give me July, baby. I can't believe I got both of them. It's July. It's the fucking Chris Hemsworth of months, baby. This hot piece of shit walking down the beach. You want to hate it, but it's so charming you can't.

This hot piece of shit. If you saw Chris Hemsworth walking down the beach, you'd know it's a hot piece of shit. You hot piece of shit. If you saw Chris Hemsworth walking down the beach on this hot piece of shit. You hot piece of shit. Look at you. It's, I mean, it's perfect.

It's warm. It's summer. It's like the summer month. You know what I mean? You get the 4th of July in it. You get vacation. Undisputed, no matter where you're at,

summer month. No matter where you're at, I guess unless you're in the southern hemisphere, in which case. They don't, those aren't people. Fuck you, Mike. Is that Australian? I'm from Australia. Well, here's how you get They don't. Those are people. Fuck you, Mike. Is that Australian?

I'm from Australia. Well, here's how you get rid of it. Fosters, fosters, fosters. Fosters, fosters. Shout out to all of our Australian listeners. Blokes. Blokes. But I just took December.

I took your July, so I got you out of the way, baby. It's just a beautiful, it's like you're going to do stuff on those weekends. You're taking long weekends. Nobody really expects that much out of you in July. It feels like nobody's working that hard. No. It's the dog days. That's what I like.

I like those 105 degree days, like that dog day summer shit. I love that. Dog days are later in summer. July is like prime. I said what I said. But you were wrong. Yeah, when I do think of July, I'm like, oh, this is it's, you just spend it by the

grill, you know. Yeah, man. It's so light, so long. I only cook drunk. I'm a chef, but I'm hammered. You know, February, you're drunk. It's actually the only time I drink. What can I say about July, man?

I'm just drunk. Drunk. Dude, November, December. It's pool parties. You're like, when you're a kid, you're definitely out of school. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's July, dude.

You're out of school and there's no school in sight. No, it's the true. You're in it. You're the furthest away from school and from school. Yeah. I mean, when I was a kid, we'd go to the pool. I haven't seen my mom in three weeks. I'm going to go to school again.

I am out of the house. Yeah. July was like that month. We'd just get up at like eight. We'd go to the pool, seriously, all day, come back at like nine. Yeah. And we were fucking 11. Yeah.

Yeah, same. I'm 11, dude. Just riding. Oh, yeah. You think you believe in that? So, yeah, we'd just be, you'd think it happened. I got 11, dude. Just riding. Oh, yeah. You think you believe in that? So, yeah, we just be. You think it happens. I got so much.

Lose change. Zeitgeist 2 before Zeitgeist. Okay, I try. Anyway, yeah, we just be out on our bikes going to the mall. We weren't supposed to be there, but we'd go. Yeah. Stealing shit. July, dude.

Just keistering Muggsy Bogues jerseys. Keistering? I didn't shove them in my butt. You know what you were doing? That's the funniest way to steal a Muggsy Bogues jersey. It's the funniest way to steal a Bugsy Bogues jersey That's the funniest way to steal anything But I ain't fitting a jersey up there Simon you've drafted November

It's time for your second pick Yes I'm gonna go May It's gonna be May It's gonna be You May the 4th be with you So it's got all those super you know, super annoying holidays. I love that stuff.

Give me a meme. You love a meme. You're a big meme guy. You're a big May Day guy, right? It's going to be meme. Yeah. Do you know May Day? May 1st?

May 1st. Little cups of candy. Did you think he didn't? What do you want to tell me? Do you ever heard of May Day? What do you want to tell me that you didn't know what it was? What are you telling me? What is it?

Maybe it was May. May Day. It's where you just leave like little cups of candy on people's front door. I'm not familiar with that at all. Oh, I didn't know that. Am I wrong? You guys? Anybody?

Yeah, that's right. Thank you. No. You got backed up there. You're lucky. Goddamn right I did. Is Mayday not like a Soviet holiday? Something like that?

And that's why I chose it. Because I think by now, you know. I think we are, you know, saluting the Soviets. This is December. Russell Wilson gone. Scoot Henderson. Yeah. Soviets back in power.

Yeah. It's also International Workers Day, so it is a socialist holiday. But May Day, it's also a ancient like spring festival. No, it isn't. It's where you leave candy in a cup on someone's door. It's all it is. Like loose candy, like jelly beans. Now you put in a cup. Oh, yeah,'t. It's where you leave candy in a cup on someone's door. That's all it is. Like loose candy, like jelly beans? No, you put it in a cup, bud. Oh, yeah, yeah, whatever you want.

I love that. Also, I will say, so, you know, like, no school, no school in sight. May, at least for me growing up, May was like, you know, you had the long Memorial Day weekend, and then right after that, you had the last week of school. You're starting to get the flavor.

And so you really, and like almost as much as like spending, yeah. Going to the pool, spend all day. There was the anticipation of school almost being over that last week of school, dude.

Yeah. It's a feeling that were your enemies. You're like, what were we fighting about? You'll never get it. You'll never get that feeling again. I want it so bad just to be that excited about something being done. Yeah.

Oh, I want that feeling again i want it so bad just to be that excited about something being done yeah oh i want that feeling of being excited about something there's always life there's always yeah but you get like yeah that's when we would do like field day and then it would be like you'd watch outdoor school yeah it may was kind of like you know uh it was kind of like, you know, it was kind of like, well, you know, we gave it a shot. If you didn't learn it by now, we're not going to waste time on long division the last week. If you didn't learn how to multiply. Simon, you big poop, go watch the Sandlot in the auditorium. It ain't happening in May. Yeah. No, no.

If you didn't learn this in March, it's not happening now. May is kind of when you get that April feeling you were talking about in Portland I feel like a little bit more. May is right when it's like well maybe my baseball games won't get rained out. That's May. It's like there's a 50-50 chance that all of the fun things I want to do

won't get washed away. That's a shift. When I used to be bummed out when things got rained out now I'm thrilled. What do you do anymore that gets rained out? A lot of shit, dude. What are you talking about? I shot put. Oh, yeah, that's right.

I forgot you guys shot put league. I'm in a Portland shot put league. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This thing? Yeah. Oh, that's right. No, we knew. David goes, I know what it is.

Your shot put kind of looks like a toddler hailing Hitler. Yep. When I was in track, I was. When I was in track. Yeah was i was the shot but they had to find something for you to do because they just had to let you participate and i was the shot put kid boy i was boy was that bad at it if you thought i was good you're wrong i thought you could have been good no i wasn't you had the you know you had the potential about the javelin no javelin no hammer throw they weren't giving us south dakota boys javelin? No javelin? No hammer throw? They weren't giving us South Dakota boys javelin to throw. No. Why not?

Nobody had a javelin? To fight, though? I've never even seen one. Have you seen one? I've seen a javelin. Are you kidding me, dude? Come on. From Beaverton. Javelin capital of the Northwest, baby.

That's right. Yeah, you know. It actually is like, weirdly, there was like the U.S. Fencing Academy in Beaverton. So there were a bunch of Olympic fencers in Beaverton. Yeah. I went to high school with like a gold medal Olympic fencer. Sold a lot of stolen goods. Speak to me with some fucking respect. No, I won't.

All right. And the last thing I'll say about May is it's also my birthday, May 30th. Okay. Thanks for getting me something. I appreciate it. So early. What day is it? May 30th. May 30th don't forget me something i appreciate it uh what day early what day 30th may 30th so a lot of times like my birthday would be on memorial day weekend so it'd be like that's big long three-day weekend yeah and then it was like you know almost a full six months from

christmas so i'm not getting shorted on presents right you're not condensing them yeah plenty of time this will be both we got you a vcr so it's like you know it's a big present yeah yeah well we got you vcr now yeah we rented you a vcr oh my god it was some of my early memories like trying to be like oh maybe they'll have a nintendo i can rent yeah i remember that and me and my mom just renting a vcr going back to the apartment. Didn't have a room. It was Buck. These kids, they don't. Anyway. Nate, great.

Before we descend too far down the table of suburban woe, David, time for your second pick. Suburban woe. Another name for a song? I hate to be a hack. I'm taking June. Yeah, dude, June. That's great.

June is like, because June is the beginning taking June. Yeah, dude, June. No, that's great. June is like, because June is the beginning of summer. Like, especially with school, I remember as soon as you get out of school, you're like, this is the new me. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like. I'm done, man. Yeah.

Purple jeans next year. This is the summer I learned how to break dance. Yeah. I went to breakdance.com and printed off all the directions to do a windmill. I have three months alone. I'm just going to master this. It could all happen.

You know, I thought I was going to do the windmill at prom. That was like my big goal. I did know that. It is like the off season where you're like, all right, time to start figuring something out. I got to add a new move to my repertoire. They're not going to be together when school starts again. I'm going to get my shit together.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to figure out how to have sex this summer. And then I go back and I'm like, oh, I forgot how to read. Because all that sex I was having. I was banging the knowledge away. I watched 6,000 Rugrats every day. I didn't learn anything. Yeah, that's me having sex

as I'm watching TV. For me, at the end of summer, kind of like, it would be that like, oh, maybe this freedom is not as fun as I thought. Yeah. But shoot, it's still very new.

It's very exciting. It's very fresh. You're like, the structure was holding me back, if anything. NBA is still on a little bit. You get the finals. Because I'm kind of one of those, I've never been

a baseball guy, so once the NBA's over, I'm checked out. There's no more sports. Yeah, there's just no more sports. So it's like, oh, this is the fun little lingering of that. Yeah, I just, people are settling into barbecue season. I'm racing boats. It's just a good... Man, we go to this park in Portland where they got those like big, like big, like Titanic

model boats and like their model, like one of them is like a JFK speedboat. So I just sit and watch these old dudes out there. It looks so, that's something I want to get into. I'm these old dudes. Yeah. That shit looks fun, man. June is another one of those fucking months in Portland where it's like gloomy and like it's great.

It gets gray again. Yeah. I love it, man. I know you do, but it was always like the Rose Festival would be happening and it would be gray and rainy. You still have a 50% chance that it will be raining. Yeah. Waterfront Park would just smell like, am I going to get malaria if I try to eat a churro? It's just so muddy and gross.

It's unfortunately getting different. It's not as much like that as it was 10 years ago in a bad way. Global warming. Before we descend down a field of climate change catastrophe, Sean Jordan, and then your final picks,

for God's sake. Second pick, I like winter. I'm admitting it in my old age. I like the clouds. February. I love a February. I like winter. I'm admitting it in my old age. I like the clouds. I like, so February. What? I love a February. I like Valentine's Day.

I thought that was the worst pick on the board. That is the worst pick on the board. I had a feeling, you know, but I mean. I'm glad I didn't get stuck with it. I thought for sure because I had the last pick. I love it, man. I still really, so. February.

I struggle with Valentine's Day. Like there's enough pressure, but we're, I'm comfortable enough in the relationship where it doesn't have to be a big deal. It just has to be thoughtful. I love being thoughtful. I don't like the pressure of having to find like the perfect gift, but like putting candy all over the house or like tons of flowers or like making an escape room out of the whole house like that. Wait, what? Or like making a horrifying escape room. That third one was truly the most romantic. Austin Crescent. Get out of the whole house. Like that shit. Wait, what? Or like making a horrifying escape room.

That third one was truly the most romantic. Austin's crisis. Get out of my room. You guys know on Valentine's Day you make a saw level escape room. You know what's sexy? Trapping her in the living room. You know what I did last year?

I pinned a key inside of your skin. It's a heart shaped key. Inside of your skin Last year I made I got Max a onesie And I made a wordle out of it And that was So fun

Yeah I just I love it man And also I just like I like snow I like winter I don't There's another month

That's like very clearly winter too But I don't like it Because it's depressing to me Because all the dope shit Just happened So February is I like it is the most depressing

month of the year. I have a heart. It's a slog. It's ugly. It's awful. Everything's mushy. I love it. The faces are gray. I'll say to Sean's point, when you live in LA, February is not that way. February is like,

it's still sunny, but I do need a light coat. You get to wear a coat. February in LA, you're like, oh, it's still sunny, but I do need a light coat. Yeah, that is nice. You get to wear a coat. Yeah, so like February in LA, you're like, oh, this is fucking great. It's hot. Yeah, I still go to the park, whatever. What's it like here? Is it snowy?

Yes. In February, it's probably, yeah, right? It's still winter. I love it, man. We used to have on, in the middle of February, I forget which bike, one of the bike shops used to have sponsored the worst day of the year ride. And it was in the middle of February every year. And it was like,

let's all get on our bikes in February. Cause it was universally recognized as the worst day of the year was in the middle of February. We needed something. Love it. All right. Well, thanks for hopping on that grenade.

Yeah. What up? What's left? What are the, what is left? Other month, the other months. Oh yeah.

All right. Right. Shit. Month yeah. All right. Right. Shit. Months. Um, man, I guess I can't get in any like deep summer months. Um,

I guess August. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I mean, I get my other summer month. Yeah. I always forget.

I always think of July as like the mad summer month, but August is still hella hot, but August rules. Yeah. August. Yeah, August. It's crazy to admit to myself that I just like gloomy, shitty weather almost more than gray weather. There were gloomy, shitty weather months left over. Yeah, but I don't want to.

That's crazy. I can't. I don't want people to think I'm sick. I mean, I did lock my wife in our room last Valentine's Day. August is great. August is like that bonus summer month where, like, as you're like, because at the end of July, you're like, Jesus, July's already over? But then you're like, oh, wait, I do have all of August.

Yeah. I do still have all of August. What's in August? There's no holidays, right? But that's the thing. In August, there's no holidays. Zero pressure. You're like in the heart of baseball season.

Yeah. Which I will say i've just started to appreciate because i'm like i gotta have some kind of i think i'll get in later but like yeah i mean august there's really nothing you know there i mean like memorable day it is and it's just hot as shit i have been watching so many baseball fights on instagram nice yeah good gateway into the sport. What about that golf fight, dude? Oh my god. I've been to heaven. You want to step to

God? So the whole time I'm like, man, go knock the soup can out. And then he did that and I was like, nah, I'd have got out of there quick. He was so coherent in his threat. There's a video where this dude, he's on a golf course and he stole a girl's ball or something and then they get into it. And then he takes his shirt off and he flexes.

He's like, I've been to heaven, motherfucker. You want to step to God? It's crazy. Yeah. He scared me. I was scared watching it.

Yeah. Through the video. Yes. I thought he was going to like come to the door. His words made him seem buffer because he's not that buff. No,

that was what I liked about was that confidence. Yeah. Yeah. It's like me. I'm just like, I've been to heaven. When people give you a serious brother. What a crazy place to say you've been to heaven. It's like me. I'm just like, hey, brother. I've been to heaven.

When people give you a serious brother. What a crazy place to say you've been. I've been to heaven. When you're going to threaten violence. That's scary. Yeah. Heaven ain't shit. It's so much scarier than saying that you've been to hell. Yeah.

I've been to heaven. I've been to heaven. I've been through nothing. I've been through nothing. I'm from the school of soft naps brother I was born rich Nothing bad's ever happened to me David time for your final pick

I September Yeah So back to school Yeah that thing I always loved You didn't like going back to school? Fuck no. No.

You liked it for like two days, two, three days? Yeah, for two days, and then you remembered what school was like. You know, you're like, oh, this is exciting. Nobody's going to remember that I told them all I was going to learn how to break dance this summer. Yeah, yeah. You just forgot about that. Who cares? I wrote it in the yearbook.

It was fun to get the pants off. Teachers are like, David, we got you some cardboard. We're calling you breakdance all year. Get down. I didn't do it. It's not regulation cardboard. Yeah. It was like fun to get new shoes.

But like, I went to so many new schools, too, that it was like, oh, I got to meet a lot of new kids again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank God they didn't hear the breakdance thing. That's why you move so often. I can tell so many people. She's like, I did the breakdance thing again. Just fucking learn to moonwalk, you idiot.

I did the breakdance thing again, Mom. She's showing you a couple steps. She's like, it's not hard. I did it again. September is like, it's an infrastructure month. Yeah, it is. You know what I will say I loved about September? Football starting, not in a, like, okay, now it's starting.

I'm starting, so I feel comfortable in my position on this team. You know about, did you ever start? No, I never started. I played on the D team for the Lincoln Patriots. I got knocked out one time and i woke up scream crying so my football career was uh short ill-advised yeah i would say that september you know growing up you know would fill me with anxiety about about school you know mostly i still get it yeah when i see back to school commercials yeah totally like

labor day was like oh yeah it's a long weekend. But is it? Yeah, it's the first feeling you ever had of not having enough time. Yeah, yeah. It was the first time you ever felt like, oh, I can't. It's going away. Sliding through my fingers. I can't get it back.

You know what I'm saying? The feeling that you get more and more as you get older. Yeah. Having a kid now, though, I'm super excited for school because I get to get them out of here. I get to start day drinking. I get to see all the school shit again. I don't know. It's going to be fun, man.

I get to buy school supplies. September rolls around like I can finally start cooking again. Yeah. A little drinky motion. Might get some coffee later Me and the boys gonna Sit around a

We're gonna go to the pool hall and cook and drink coffee Sean and Simon are motioning towards their nostril Implying cocaine No I just need some coffee I'm tired I do agree with Ian It is an infrastructure month.

And that could be nice. Sometimes it's like setting up the bones of what you're going to do at least for the next semester or whatever. I hated school, but like, you know, yeah, football's starting. It's not like October where you're kind of sick of football and you're like, I don't want to do this. Yeah, you're like, you hurt. It's cold at practice. You get your finger on someone's helmet and you're like, that's going to hurt for hours. Your jersey doesn't smell funny

Oh god There's no blood On your away jersey One time I was super cold On the sidelines The whole time You know Yeah

It was really You're like Put me in the game You get really chilly And then like your dad's Screaming at you Cause you're not playing And you're like

Yeah It's tough Woof You bring a little thermos With hot cocoa on it. My dad gave me a couple games where I didn't even get to go in. I bet that sucked for everybody involved. On the D team, I didn't get to play.

Come on. Put him in. I didn't play football for, well, I don't even know if they let middle schoolers play football anymore. Do they not? I don't know. They do. They do. It's all going to hell, folks.

They let seven-year-olds play football. I need't know. I don't know. They do. They do. It's all going to hell. So they let seven year olds play. I need a kid to run into another kid. I played in seventh grade and I think we just didn't have enough people. So I played all the time. Both ways. Yeah. Yeah. Mostly on defense, though.

But there was one time. So I did get one interception. And I was so shocked that it had happened that i stood there and everyone was shocked because it's like time stood still yeah and then i just you're just standing there i just well because somebody tipped it and it literally like right into my stomach and uh and then i'm just like and then everyone's like what the fuck you doing are you doing? So that's the one memory. And then, yeah, I mean, practice. Like, wait, we're practicing tackling each other?

That's what I'm talking about. Football practice was tedious. I was thinking about football practice the other day. They used to not let us drink water. Yeah. Oh, until, so you're a little older than me. Yeah. When I was in high school, that kid died in South Carolina

or some shit. That's right, I remember. That kid died and then all of a sudden two days. Wait, is it because of cramping or did it toughen you up? I don't know. Like a reward. It was the way that older people hate younger people and they think that they glorify what

they went through. They're like, water will cramp you up. It never did. Yeah. Not a drink of water. Not like if I would have drunk. Not one sip. That's how my football coach talks. You shan't have a sip. I imagine now they're like drink water.

Hopefully. They were like that after that kid died for us. It was like a lot of water. For us it was like you had 30 seconds at a pvc pipe yeah at the trough yeah you're making us hydrate the trough yeah like fucking animals like like pig like pigs that they they sell the meat at a bad grocery store like that level of water think about the pig similarities they had? You had to drink in a trough. You were a hoss. You were a hog.

Like, you're just like, what's going on? You were a hoss. You were covered in mud all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They treated us like pigs. Coach would feed you corn when he was wearing overalls with no shirt underneath. Just weird stuff like that. Coach would sleep with a bunch of us in a pile of mud.

He was like, all right, hose him down. I like that you said it all romantic. He'd sleep with you. Yeah, he'd sleep with us. No, it wasn't sex. It was just, he'd lay down for the night.

Oh, he'd just lay down tenderly and sleep. I get it. Simon, time for your third pick. Yeah. So there's two, there's two months left.

Yeah, all right. So there's two, yeah. This is the only time where someone's been forced into a last pick, I think. Yeah, that's good.

That's fun. It's good. You know, here we go. We're running out of time. Hit me with something prolific. I'm going to go January, I guess. I mean, March, I'm like, I don't know. January, I guess it's because, again, you know, it's like it is that renewal.

January is hopeless to me. After New Year's Day, I feel empty. You're feeling hopeless. Yeah. And I guess I'm literally only saying New Year's Day, I feel empty. You're feeling hopeless. And I guess I'm literally only saying New Year's Day. But you know, you're still right in the middle of basketball

season and the football playoffs are on. You get the bowl games. You got those bowl games. That is fun. You got one really good day and everyone has New Year's Day. The one day where you can be such a hunk of shit. It's kind of,

yeah. Nobody expects anything out of you on New Year's Day. I will say, I had a girlfriend who was like, I had him before. Nice, dude.

I might have one again. That's awesome. I mean, it's December now. Who knows? No, no, no. You're dating Sierra. I am Sierra.

You're a future dude. I'm dating Sierra. I'm them. I'm like, trying not to gender scare. Anyway, New Year's off to a great start. We don't know how Sierra genders themselves by December. We don't know. The coffee has kicked in.

No point. Simon and Sean have motioned towards their nose. But I will say, yeah, I mean, you know, New Year's Day, it is kind of a thing. But yeah, this girlfriend who is totally mean, you know, the new year's day, it is kind of a thing, but yeah, this girlfriend who was totally real, you know, she always wanted, she was like, I don't really go out on new year's Eve because I party on new year's day.

And I was like, this is not, this is not going to work out. The worst. That's dangerous. Isn't that the craziest thing you've ever heard? That's fucked up. That sounds batshit.

That's batshit crazy. I'm like, I don't even know if businesses are open on New Year's Day. That's often on Tuesday or something. I'm doing two separate DoorDash orders that day. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, and again, I'm just like, you know, I'm cooking.

Yeah. I'm drinking coffee. I'm cooking. Simon motioned with a bottle and pointed to his nose. And, you know, you're like, I gotta change something, you know? It is hopeful where you're like, alright, it's my sit-ups here.

This stops now. This stops now. It never stops. You wake up on New Year's Day and you're like, it stops. You know what? Gabe Dinger put me on this, but like, so, going to the first open mic in your city after New Year's Day is awesome. Because all of the New Year's resolutions where all these, it's always young dudes where

they're like, this is my year, bro. I'm going to do it. And then they just go eat shit. You said dudes. It always is. It's always dudes. It's a lot of guys. Yeah.

Yeah. Just these dudes that are like New Year's Eve. I'm going to be a comedian, bro. I'm going to do it. There's a lot of guys in those leather business shoes that have sneaker bottoms. Try and stand up for the first time. Sneaker bottoms. You know what I mean?

Yes. Yeah, all right. I'm always nice to those guys. They can help me in some way. They're far richer than I was. They can hire you for their corporate. Exactly. That leads me to take March, the birthday where

both Sue Carmel and Ivan Carmel were born. I wouldn't be here without it. I also enjoy the thing about March where it's like plants starting to bloom again. You get those like, it's cold but you start to get those cold sunny days every now

and then in Portland. Just a tiny bit. Then you got to March 17th too. St. Patrick's Day. I'm Irish. I'm Irish. Don't worry, I'm Irish. I don't even know. I wouldn't do you like that, I'm Irish.

St. Patrick's Day is the holiday I think I have participated in the least Same I held on to it for a long time I've done Easter more often Even as a kid I didn't like it Don't fucking pinch me, don't touch me Don't touch me

I know, I'm not wearing green Spring break was usually March, if I remember right, in school Yeah, so you had that as a kid Out here, March would always get snow storms oh yeah you get like a big snow storm you might get a late snow storm in portland in march but that's about as late as it would go but very rarely i remember one time in high school we got snowed in for spring break which was oh no one of the worst experiences spring break and you're just no just up parents winning the lottery in a failed currency

yeah enjoy all the doubloons March I mean it's fun I would say like yeah St. Patrick's Day there was maybe some sort of mystique to it but it's usually on a Wednesday

I'm not getting hammered. No. I got shit to do. Amateur hour at the bar. There ain't nothing for me to cook. Corned beef. That's the final month. Isaac, there's nothing for you to take, Bubba.

I'm sorry. What's your favorite month? You're off mic. Makeup month. December? December, he said. My man. What's your favorite? Capper Corn or Sagittarius?

There we go. Oh, that's my dad's birthday. Oh, shit. I have your day. What the hell? And you're the Sierra. Yeah. We want to hear your favorite months. If there were any

we didn't pick that you're like, oh, I can't believe we forgot that month. Hit us up. Mars June, dude. All Fantasy pod on Twitter. All Fantasy podcast at gmail.com. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything Patreon. We appreciate you. Thank you for holding

us down. If you Patreon where you can get bonus episodes, live episodes, mailbags, auction drafts, ad-free, exclusive pre-roll video content, video content in general, our trailblazing merchandise exclusively available, hats. We saw

a few of those in the live shows that happened a couple months ago. Oh my gosh. What? I mean, it's Michigan, bro. It's like Michigan. Yeah. Tell them it looks like Appalachian this day more than anything. Also, of course, on our Patreon, Isaac's Tasteful. Tasteful Nudes. Yep.

Really beautiful. I think in like six months, we're going to get some not Tasteful Nudes up. We're going to get some raunchy nudes. We're going to get this Isaac's X hamster here. Raunchy nudes, dude. Just showing hole. Hole. All hole.

All hole. Zoomed in butthole. Butthole shots. Man, another show at five, baby. Zoomed in butthole butthole shots man another show at five baby zoomed in butthole shots uh

shot at the super producer Isaac Lee on the ones and twos uh shot at the St. Sue Carmel uh

celebrates her birthday in March that's why I picked it mom I would have taken it first but I knew I could get it late I love you shout out to Frankie Ocean shout out to Sid the Dude

shout out to Haji Beats and more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. I'm Irish. Oh, I thought you were doing Bane. I don't know what I was doing.

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