All Fantasy Everything - Names for Pets (w/ Isaac Lee, David Gborie, Sean Jordan)

Episode Date: October 20, 2022

Fall is upon us, and we deem this pet season! This week we are FINALLY joined by none other than Issac Lee as we draft "Pet Names!" Don't you worry, we assign an animal and a story to each name so things stays spicy.  Yo Portland, Seattle, Boston, and New York! We're doing a live show in your city! Get tickets at linktr.ee/allfantasyeverything. Guest: Isaac Lee @IsaacKLee IG: @isaacklee Podcast: The Icebox   Support the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for ad-free episodes, liveshows, mailbags, and video pre-rolls. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.    Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmel Sean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordan David Gborie IG: @Coolguyjokes87 Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.Mel Show Email: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast where we fantasy draft anything and everything from the world of pop culture. On today's episode, we're drafting names for pets. Our guest today is a friend of the podcast, musician, audio producer extraordinaire, and dog daddy. He's made shows such as Binge Mode,

The Dave Chang Show, 60 Songs That Explain the 90s, Sports Illustrated Weekly, and his own podcast, The Icebox. Why'd you say it like that? I don't know. I felt like that's when I see the words The Icebox, that's how I say it. Ah, you put a little juice in it. We're joined by Isaac Lee.

I'm your host, Ian Carmel. Joining me as always are my friends and comedians, Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get drafting. Welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that is an absolute dog daddy let me let me hit him let me hit him real quick absolute dog i had a dream about you doing that the other day i wasn't a dream man i was there i was in your room dana was in on it she was up you taught you tom cruise like sort of rappelled down above my bed and said mission

impossible yeah yeah mission impossible yeah one drop of sweat on your in the middle of your mustache that's what i allowed my body to do one that's an absolute dog daddy and one drop of sweat on the middle of my mustache that's the the full Tinder bio. Yeah. Yeah. That's the whole story. You get a lot of hits. On Tinder? A lot of hits. I'm not.

That would get a lot of hits. I. Off Tinder. No, you're on Tinder still. I do have a Tinder profile. That's just in case. That's just in case. Just if you got to break the glass.

I run kind of whimsical fictional tinder profiles for uh for just fictional characters i wish there was a way to do it and not be a total prick it would be interesting to have a fake one but that's you know it's mean obviously you can't do that you want a finsta for tinder a fender what oh is that is that what now the kids are calling it a finsta like a fake insta yeah that's been around for yeah i don't even think it's the kids i think it's not the kids anymore that's the parents now i don't even think it's the kids i think it's not the kids anymore that's the parents now i don't even know if the kids have instagram i think they all love tiktok the kids have fic talks dude yeah oh man fic brothers on snapchat a lot like the

littlest kids are it made a comeback he knows how to use it in a way that i don't though like i'll send him something and then he'll send me back like it's just yeah he interacts with it in a completely different way kids use it to text they just screenshot all kinds of shit like random stuff and then somebody will reply and that's how they're texting now from what i gather a friend of mine has a kid in high school yeah i almost took a bite of an apple and then i saw i took space and i had to put it put it back away you can eat the apple man i'm not the loser i'm not no, no. I'm not on the clock. No. I'm not on the clock.

I just feel like it's rude. No, it's okay. Even though the people want to hear me eat the apple. Nobody wants to hear you. Make some noise if you want to hear me eat an apple, all family. Come on. I'm in live show mode. Yeah, can we start doing live tricks? Let's do live.

Speaking of live shows, fucking thank you so much to everyone in uh washington district of columbia minneapolis those were amazing amazing they really were there was it was it was insane we didn't have a chance to go wake joe up but other than that it was fantastic like he's staying asleep dude dude the show he's in portland right now the shows were so sick everybody in minneapolis and dc so they made us do the merch outside everybody waited both places made us do the merch inside are we ever gonna do merch inside no dude we're outside guys we're outside guys we're dog daddies your dog daddies can't do merch inside absolute dog daddy there were people absolute dog daddy and the fart. Here was the morning radio show.

Absolute dog daddy and the fart. You see, they stood outside in the rain. Minneapolis, they stood outside and it was like 30 degrees. It was sick, man. Yeah. They mostly stayed in line to see my cool jacket. Yeah. Is what I heard.

It was a big feedback. Yeah. Shout out to everybody. That was that was so good yeah shout out to everyone dude we had a trailer we had like an actual trailer we had a trailer dude we had hummus in it we were going off yeah i bought a cool i bought a cool sweatshirt when we were in minneapolis i went oh man shout out to the viking man oh yeah, so I think the Victor E. Viking. Shout out to Victor E. Viking, a member of the All Family. Listen to the podcast. Victor E.

It's like a Chuck E. Cheese kind of stuff. Victor E. Viking. Victor Entertainment Viking. Victor E. Of the Minneapolis Vikings. Victor with a K. Came to the show and then took David and Sean. I had to leave, but took David and sean to the minneapolis versus uh chicago bears we haven't got to talk about this yet so david and i are at the so we go to the

bar across the street from the venue from the hotel to get some lunch and like have a beer i don't know how it happened but we're just talking and this dude comes up this old hessian dude this like 80s kind of razor sunglasses looking greaser guy murdered out vikings jersey like black on black vikings jersey and he goes heard y'all are going to the game you want to ride in a limo and we're like what yeah and so he goes five bucks a head so we're sitting there talking to a couple kids who were on the festival and then we finish our beers and we're like we're gonna take this limo and they go can we just go with just for the ride and i'm like we're like yes of course so we go to the limo he's got a kit on it where he put lambo doors that that go straight up it's a 300c it's a chrysler 300c limo with lambo doors and he had

lambo doors and then he we get inside and motorin was playing you know that motor and yeah you get inside and he's just like turn it up louder oh we also we also he put our beers into go cups so we could drink in the limo and the stadium is maybe a four minute ride it was so close it was it felt like a walk to me he cruised us around a little bit took us to the gate got us outside took one of our phones and staged us with the the stadium in the background the limo the long way doors up and all of us doing like a hip-hop pose it was that's how we went to the game it was pretty amazing also when we got in the car he goes in and motorin's playing he just goes turn it up way up wow he was dope dude who the fuck was this guy I don't know man he was just some dude with a limo man

I bet you he copped a limo back in the day And what he does is like Cause that bar is like heavy with people that are going to the game And I bet you he charges an extremely reasonable amount To just take people to and from That bar to the stadium Did he know who you guys were I think so here's what

D-Rrod had told me he had tried to get d-rod to get a ride to the airport and d-rod was like no but those guys are going to the game they probably want to ride we should have taken that to the airport because we were we were also in a time crunch because you can't take that to the airport dude that's a different trip to the airport that that the plane will only fly to vegas if you take that to the airport we pull up in the 300c stretch you go through and all your luggage is just cocaine you're like i don't know i don't know how it happened it's happened in the magic limo yeah man that was that was crazy dope what is such a crazy cap to the weekend yeah and then we just went home then we just went home that's great i'm just glad you guys didn't get kidnapped or like sold for for all your organs or whatever yeah we could have

got taken yeah if it was gonna happen or you could have become part of the cartel the way that started the whole thing was crazy i wish i had that picture uh we can we can someone one of the dudes with us has it i forget their names but yeah it is it is one of our magic cities minneapolis magical things tend to happen there you You on the dance floor, this limo situation, Sean's sweatshirt, big stuff. Yeah, you've always had a good time there. See, when you say magic city, I think of a very different kind of establishment. I should say magical city. Magical city.

Magical. Magical. Magic city. That's different. That's chicken wings. Chicken wings and also some other things, let's say i want to hear i want to try those chicken wings i hear they're amazing lemon pepper wings listen you don't have to explain away why you want to go to magic city we could just go it's honestly i've been to strip clubs now i haven't been to a magic

city type of strip club but i've been to strip clubs but i hear a lot about these wings i hear people get them and leave i believe yeah yeah lou will famously used to do that yeah yeah yeah but also yeah let's go also claremont lounge we should go to next time yes we need to good let's let's get a fucking atlanta show on the books yeah would people cut people come? All family, hit us up on All Fans Say Everything on Twitter, allfanssayeverythingatgmail.com, and let us know if there are enough of you in Atlanta or surrounding areas for us to do a show. Because I think there are.

There are. I think so, too. It's a major metropolis. Yeah. I'll keep track. I will try my best. It's going gonna work the best if you hit up my instagram directly if 150 of you do it done i answer every message man i still i'm

still doing it i don't know how that doesn't give you all the anxiety in the world speaking of which that is uh sean s jordan on twitter sean cougar melon jordan on instagram there we go instagram to hit up that's sean Sean Jordan. Answers every Instagram. I do. I did after the Late Late Show and there were a lot. It was fun though. It was great. Until I start getting bad bad ones I'll keep doing it. People are super cool.

Only a couple lurkers in there. And they're going to help you grow your followers organically and that's really nice. Yeah. I just think it's fun i don't know where can people come see you any uh afe or i faded portland something like that portland 1027 um it's the day before my birthday it's gonna be dope we got keith johnson coming in sorry this is my this is my birthday month so we're just gonna sort of have to boot you over to november i thought it

was shane's birthday month kick you over to november dude does shane not get a birthday month happy birthday november 1st sean's birthday month is september come to faded they've been off the rack it's so fun i'm digging it uh shane and i are gonna take over this city that's right ian you heard it you want a piece of it you come back oh man ian's got his gun out come on dude you can't hear him ian's got his gun out right now you think i can't rule in absentia yeah is that like nice nice usage of the word in absentia thank you very much is that like a really deep zit what is it it was that rihanna record yeah absentia and when the night is in the night shia la buff movie of the same name came in around the same time yeah dude i can i can undo in three days all the work you've done in portland in in

a decade dude you just you just i'd love to see you i'll play that city like a cello bro i'd really love to see you so it'd be nice if you came up i miss you i know i just saw you but yeah whatever you got to do i miss you i miss you just clear up that absentia and fly up here and and it'll be good yeah come to faded that's it and then you know the road dates but we'll we'll get into this i really want to kiss you but i can't six seven eight triple nine remember that song no kiss me through the phone by soldier boy and jason weaver no i only that was about i think when soldier boy started happening it was when like napster was kicking off right in a big way lime wire lime wire that was what i because i would get

other songs and they would be soldier boy i think that's when i started to get really weird with music and went down like crazy because it was free well you know kind of so you could just make you be like i want anything and you just have like a gregorian chant period yeah i remember listening to uh sean kingston's take you there like 5 000 times in a row well that's a good song it was on loop i was just listening to it yeah i like that song shout out to sean kingston we used to listen to um how was that song um tipsy i mean probably the most i've listened to a song in a row was that song tipsy yeah we had that song on a cd like 10 times just that one song 10 times in a row that song loud i don't know how to explain it but when i hear that

song loud it does something to my stomach yeah it's like that that i don't like it. The beat kind of sounds like a tuned barf. Yeah, yeah. Like Ferris Bueller's keyboard, kind of. And then he sounds drunk. Jake Juan sounds drunk. He's talking about how he's 15. Yeah. I don't know about all that.

I got a fake Adido. That's a Nick D'Ampe banger, too. Nick D'Ampe, you put that on, he'll finish the bottle. It doesn't matter what's in it. Well, because that dance was so easy to do. It was good for partying. That noise. The guy who does something funny to his stomach is David Borey.

CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. No longer on Twitter. Not on Twitter, man. But at Bolivian Embassy on TikTok. Is that right? I don't know. I don't know anything that you're talking about. Shout out to the statue of Shimon.

I keep calling him Shimon. Shimon Bolivar. Shimon. Shimon. What's your name it's the it's the hebrew way of pronouncing simon uh simone bolivar in washington dc we posted up in front of it we found it uh dave what do you got coming up oh i don't know when does this come out next this thursday coming this thursday that's coming oh so tomorrow come see jordan temple at faded denver it's gonna be so

much fun star of stage and screen playwright writer for atlanta writer for abbott elementary playwright he wrote the color urkel and hidden fences oh that was how he got on yeah yeah they were so funny too uh but yeah jordan's hilarious i love him he's so fucking funny man so yeah jordan temple uh i'm headlining the denver comedy works november 24th i or 25th something like that december 3rd and 4th december 3rd i'm gonna be at the crocodile in seattle december 4th i'm gonna be at the all hereafter oh yeah yeah yeah and then december 4th headlining helium again come out let's sell it out portland oregon helium portland oregon's helium comedy club i'll be here uh of course i was i we've already been sf that weekend i forgot

so i forgot to say that but but i get back the The 4th is a Sunday, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'll be here. Okay, cool, cool, cool. Yeah. And then I got other stuff. I'm home for like a month right now, and I don't know what to do. Nice. Keep watching Julia Roberts movies, getting weird on your couch, and growing that art wall. You're not going to figure it out until the last week. That's when you're going to be like, okay, now I know how to be at home, and then it'll be time to go on the road again.

That's how it always happens. I haven't been home for a month though since the year started yeah it's crazy but i did look up how to do the art wall which i think went okay it looks i've been meaning to say it the entire time we've been on the zoom it looks it's fun fantastic it looks really really good yeah it's like so much the pinterest girls make look so easy. It's not easy, though. And then you do it, and you're marking up walls. You got a stud finder. It's a whole situation. Did you ever point the stud finder at yourself?

Of course I did. That's what I did as soon as I got the batteries in, dog. Hang it right here. Did it puke? Yeah, yeah. And then that dude rappelled onto your porch and started cleaning your windows he's never been back so I'm scared that that was like I don't know what that was Sean

they were smoking us out they knew we were going to chill pretty hard that day yeah Isaac Lee is here Isaac Cayley on Twitter Isaac Cayley on Instagram Isaac Cayley on Venmo on Venmo hit On Venmo. Hit him up. And Cash App. Send him some money.

Everybody send him 33 cents. Yeah, 33 cents. That's a reasonable amount of money to send me. Everybody send him 12 cents for LaMarcus Aldridge, dude. Why did it go down? Everybody send him 3 cents, dude. Everybody send Isaac $14, alright? Let's get it going.

I mean, I could use 14 bucks if you want to send me you're all right dude you're doing you're a homeowner man yeah i'm renting i saw the sweatshirt you bought you're up you're fine you went into a streetwear store and bought a hoodie you're doing just fine you think i didn't you think i wasn't feeling myself the whole way walked back to the hotel i was stoked man i loved it not about me it's about isaac kaylee isaac what's up dude how you doing i'm doing well man hit us with some truth man i'm just bummed out that marissa described me as a dog daddy that's what i've been thinking about dog daddy any absolute anything daddy is a fucking w dude that's a win so i think it's good if you're an absolute daddy

what about the absolute poop daddy why would you do that it's not as good i'm the only one that thinks those words sound funny it's not as good it's funny it's not good poop daddy it's funny it's not good i didn't say it was good i'm saying also stop saying pics dude yeah come on dude this is my double-headed snake absolute poop daddy all right all right come on people where can people find your work isaac where where can people fuck with you uh fuck with me on you know my socials obviously uh listen to the icebox that's my solo podcast project that's that i'm working on you know what i'm actually gonna use this opportunity to plug my music because I haven't done that in a while. But I have a solo project called Igloo Shores.

If you like really weird, alternative, R&B-influenced music, please listen to my stuff. I'm actually working on an album currently trying to drop that in November. So keep an ear out for that. Can we see you live? It's very depressing.

It's like Bon Iver style shit. Oh, nice. Good, nice good dude good it is the opposite of afe i'll say but uh having worked with isaac as a as a hip-hop artist going uh you know he'll pull it out of you he'll you go in there you have some trepidation if you will you don't know if you're like if you if you're really gonna bring it and isaac will sit you down he'll give you some tea i'm sorry ice will sit you down he'll give you some tea and he'll just get it out of you he sit you down, he'll give you some tea. I'm sorry, Ice will sit you down, he'll give you some tea, and he'll just get it out of you. He'll just get the good out of you. You know?

Good use of trepidation, just wanna sort of highlight that. Thank you, I appreciate that, I appreciate that. One of those rap words. Yeah, yeah, dude. Trepidation, hesitation, representation. All right, it's not really time to rap right now. Cross-colonation. Oh no, give us three more. I just gave one cross-colonization

yeah he's really trying to bring it out of you right now Irish persuasion and then watch out for the invasion uh oh I think we got another we started paving the road a little bit I think you might be is that the name of the song? Paving the Road?

yeah dude, it's absolute poop daddy oh god well that's the tape I knew I'd get all three you to laugh at that isaac is dope though joking aside i was terrified to go you were very nervous i was like almost shaking i was sweating i was you know and isaac would stop he was so cool were your knees weak arms heavy my spaghetti was everywhere just in my apartment on my bed on my desk.

Yeah. It's everywhere. Did I ever tell you guys how I thought that line was mine spaghetti for years? Oh, that makes more sense. I thought he was nervous. There's vomit on. His mind is spaghetti. It's all mixed up.

There's pasta sauce. He doesn't know what's going on. Better than mom's spaghetti. Everybody would say mom's spaghetti, and I'd be like, these fucking idiots. Not better than my mom's spaghetti. Shout out to Sue Carmel. Great spaghetti sauce. You've had it. I went over there first, but they had four

different quiches last time I was over there. It was off the chain. Don't talk about my family like you don't know my family. Of course there were four quiches, dude. I'm talking about four dudes named Quiche. They were holding down the corners of the yard secret service style facing out yeah that's our nation of islam basically you know they were all wearing

four quiches are here no dude absolutely not smoked salmon quiche that's one of them for sure dude the ham there's a veggie one one. I've helped make those quiches. Sure you did. Sean, your aversion to seafood is one of the most confounding things because you live in Portland, Oregon, where you have tremendous seafood, really great

Southeast Asian cuisine there. Let me stop you right there. No, no, no. Let him go off. Go off, Isaac. Leg drop. Leg drop. You're missing out, man. You're missing out on life. You're missing out on such deliciousness. No, no, no, no, no. Let him go off. Go off, Isaac. Leg drop, leg drop, leg drop. You're missing out, man. You're missing out on life. You're missing out on such deliciousness. No, no, no, no. That's it.

I appreciate you. I ate at Papadeau's two days ago in the Midwest. Beautiful. I'm here for seafood. Sean, I don't know what happened. I don't know. I'd have to Papadeau's meals in the garbage, my friend. Have you done TV? Then i'd go get the spaghetti yeah

i was on tv no big your television is sean jordan television sean jordan i was at the skate park yesterday and a kid walked up i swear hand to god that i don't believe in but he goes hey saw you on tv and i was like how the fuck did that happen it was crazy so the late late show with james corden is huge with skateboard guys. Yeah, skateboard teens. Young skateboard teens, dude. They love it. But he came up to you? That's crazy.

Yeah. Was there a kid you've seen before? I'm sure that we've somehow. I'm sure that it couldn't have been completely random, but it wasn't quite ringing a bell as to how we know each other, so it kind of seemed random. i don't think it was but it was just one of those like whoa crazy at the skate park and then i sent you guys a picture of that dude of the big dog shirt that was also at the skate park hugging oh that dude hugging that dude yeah yeah big hugs you taking a picture across the street clandestine

photographs the two dudes hugging the sean jordan brand i was gonna ask him but he looks like he he looked like he might not be thrilled if i was like hey that's a dope big dog shirt can i take a photo he looked like it could have gone either way and i only wanted it to go one way and i wasn't prepared for it to go the other way he thought he might have got off the porch is what you're saying i thought he might have got off the porch a little bit yeah the rest of them uh my name is ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish big dog app you know what i mean if you can't hang out in the sucker jbd yeah i'm gonna get you i'm gonna get you sucker jewish i'm gonna get you

uh come see me so the the portland Fantasy Everything, I can't believe this, is sold out. 800 tickets. Revolution Hall. That is going to be a very special evening. That's going to be, thank you for that. I think Malloy bought all the tickets and he's just not going to give them to anyone. No one's going to.

He's going to 50-cent us? Fantastic. We'll just record an episode with the 20 comp tickets. Yeah, I don't really, that's really weird. We'll just do it for assorted family members and friends. Still pretty good night. The 18th at Revolution Hall. I'm headlining.

There are still a few tickets available for that. So get on that quick. I'll be there. Not a ton left. Sean Jordan will be there. I'll be there. Other very special guests. I'll be there.

Come get some tickets. Come see an amazing night of stand-up comedy. I just workshopped a bit last night about pooping and i'm doing it just for sean so i think you're gonna want to come see that absolute poop daddy absolute poop daddy yeah you always gotta have one poop bit in the chamber somewhere jokes about chris pratt jokes about going to the doctor jokes about pooping it's gonna be a fucking it's gonna be i'm gonna use the word sensational if i had to use the word sensational. If I had to use one word to describe it, sensational. Come see me. No Blazer game that night.

November 18th at Revolution Hall. Ivan coming in the green room? Ivan Karma will be in the green room. Invitation notwithstanding. He will be in there. What else? We will be. Oh, we've added a second show.

Okay, so the 15th, we will be in boston at the at the at the wilbur at the ticket still available for that as it is a gigantic venue you want that philly show bring it on down to almaville and get that philly show come come on over to boston let's let's let's sell it out and we will i'll give it to you a philly show as soon as possible i am not lying no i don't give them a philly show if we sell it i'll give a philly show in boston i'm saying i will oh yeah they'll get what they want you want to get wasted we'll have it on zip drives that we will pass out at the wilbur so come see that and then we have added a second show due to popular demand we sold out the first one at the bell house in brooklyn real quick so we've added a second show and tickets uh at the Bell House in Brooklyn real quick. So we've added a second show and tickets at the Bell House

that same night on December 16th. Tickets are also going fast for that. So hop on that. Also, come to both shows. Let's play two. They're going to be completely different. Yeah. Come see us in Beantown and then come see us

in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. I hear Jay-Z is going to be at the second one. Yeah. Jay-Z is going to be at the second one, Isaac. Jay-Z is going to be at the second one, Isaac. Absolutely, yeah. Sean. Sean Carter will be there. Sean, yeah, you guys know him as Sean,

but I call him Jay-Z because I don't know him like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I call him get out of my green room is what I call him. The bell house is mine tonight, Sean. That's our sweaty meat. We are going to have one returning absolute. Well, I can say it right now. Katie Nolan is going to be the guest for one of the shows.

Fucking legend. Home of the shows. Fucking legend. That didn't sound like I wanted it to. The greatest live show we've ever done. The Disney song draft. Oh man, her voice. I didn't know she could sing like that. I've known her for years. She can do it all.

She can do everything. She's one of the most talented people I've ever met. So Katie's going to be there. Absolutely killing it. The second guest, we're cooking up some big fish. Seattle. We just booked this. We have a show at the Crocodile

on November 11th. That is right. We are coming to you, Seattle. If you're in Seattle or anywhere around or anywhere in the world, damn it, bring it on up to Seattle. 11-11. Seattle, we will see you soon and then we're we're lining up stuff for 2023 keep an eye out for that and that's that's where you can come see us right i'm not i'm not i don't think i'm missing anything no sorry phoenix we had to reschedule oh yeah phoenix we had to reschedule but we will be coming to phoenix yeah sorry nick

salazar specifically he was so excited and aaron edwards this is not a this is we will be coming uh i promise you that but we are gathered here today not to make promises we will be breaking uh no i'm just joking we're coming to phoenix we are gathered here today to draft names for pets isaac this was your idea what we're doing here is we're picking a name for a specific kind of animal and that animal is a pet yeah yeah yeah you would you would be naming it as as though you'd be naming any other kind of pet and that animal is a pet yeah yeah yeah you would you would be naming it as as though you'd be naming any other kind of pet but I have one question

is it like if you pick an animal somebody else can pick the same animal the name just has to be different right yeah yeah of course otherwise I was getting really nervous but I got some I still got some wild moves yeah that would be a very thin thin big board be pretty fun though I'm wondering how y'all are gonna play this I I'm nervous too because i don't want to sound like a dork

kind of too late for you to not sound like a dork why because i already said absolute poop daddy you're gonna have to run that back about one half of one hour if you don't want to sound like a dork you're a d-boy from way back that's what i call dorks now no that's not what my ice cream sweatshirt says it's hanging in my closet you hung your. That's what I call dorks now. No, that's not what my ice cream sweatshirt says. It's hanging in my closet. Uh-oh. You hung your sweatshirt up, dude? Fucking dork move. Uh-oh.

I hang my sweatshirts up, too. I do. Dorks. Both of you are dorks. I have somebody hold it when I'm not wearing it. You have one of the Keishas hold it? Yeah. He's got a whole payroll just dedicated to clothes holding.

Keisha Lorraine's holding on to all my sweatshirts right now, dude. Keisha Lorraine's. Now, the my sweatshirts right now, dude. Now, the way we determine the order of the draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you and we throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Woo! Oh, David wins.

Very stylish rock, paper, scissors move, though, Isaac. I was just going to say say i've never even seen that i almost feel like that rocked me i don't know if we should be making visual references on this audio only media he held it he held it there is what happened listening everybody paint your own picture yeah it was yeah just imagine whatever cool shit i was doing with my hand it was awesome a falcon was circling him dude the whole room caught on fire dude yeah all of those dancers from the weekend super bowl halftime show were there doing their thing a lot of songs about cocaine yeah but he's singing he does it so good there's also so he did the

super bowl halftime show and there's an entire universal studios like haunted house that he like dedicated to him. And all his songs are about doing cocaine. And being sad about women. And having sex with so many of them. I got to see him at Bumbershoot, and I've never seen more people collectively want to have sex with one person. Everybody, everybody.

I was with Helen, so you know how Helen was doing. And I was just sitting there like, yeah, I get it. That was a humid room. That was a humid room. That was a humid room. I bet it raised the temp for sure. Dude, it was outdoor and like the humidity radar went off outside. Yeah, it's like you go, you go, what's going on out here? It's like a cracker.

It's like salty out here. All right. The air got soupy. I like how you guys let humidity radar just go. I brought it back. I brought it back because I was like, you can't humidity radar just go but I brought it back I brought it back because I was like you can't just be having that out there I don't know what a humidity radar is

talking about like a barometer maybe something like that air pressure moving in I don't really know I call it a humidity radar someone's got to fucking track the humidity not for us to determine David has the winner of rock paper scissors it's coming up on you serpentine draft

and what is that? great question it's kind of like if you're looking for paint at Home Depot David has the winner of Rock Paper Scissors and is it coming up on you? Serpentine Draft. And what is that? Great question. It's kind of like if you're looking for paint at Home Depot. I was looking for paint at Home Depot the other day and I didn't want to ask where it was. And I always say I'm going to read the signs. I always say I'm going to read and I never do. I just think I can find it.

So I went all the way down. You don't read the aisles first. That's called hubris, brother. That's insane. I'm like, no, because i'll look over one direction i'm like it's got to be over there by that so i'll go over there and then i'll just start walking and i'll read like if i'm being honest i'll read like a couple words but then i'm like fuck that and then i just keep going and just because then it's like a challenge and so i went down

all the way to one aisle go over all the way the way back, go over, all the way back. And then eventually I did find the paint on my own. Basically, Serpentine Giraffe, what it means is if you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Sure. David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? Okay, but the paint is like the easiest thing to find because they have the whole mixing station. It was dead in front of me when I walked in, by the the way i didn't look right in front of me it's that's where the paint is it's like the sherwin wills williams block right there and i went all the

way to the right because i think i got hooked in by the christmas trees they were all the way to the right so i was like i'm gonna go over there at some point yeah and they have the big halloween stuff still yeah i'm so close to getting one of those. Get it. You own a home, dude. Yeah, you should do it. My front yard is all Halloweened out right now. Spooky. Ours is, we got a big spider web coming off the roof. Spider, skeleton, a chair saying hi.

Purple light, orange light, purple light. Cat eyes in the bushes. We're doing all right. I have nothing, but I live in a player palace. You live in a condo. Yeah, I'm in a condo. It's an adult condo downtown because it's all about location. He goes, you live in a player palace. You live in a condo. Yeah, I'm in a condo. It's an adult condo downtown because it's all about location. He goes, you live in a condo.

A lot of people have been calling you Condoleezza Rice. Have you heard that? That was going to come. Condoleezza. David, it's time for your making of the order I'm saying right around the horn I'm saying David Sean

Isaac Ian hot corner here we go it is time for your first name for a pet pick and we will get to it right after this short break this episode of all fantasy everything is brought to you by babble uh if you want to learn a new language the best way is to

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So you're going to be ready to talk everywhere you go because that's the key, conversation. You want to know how to get by, right? And like I said, little 10-minute segments, they're perfect for, say, someone like myself, don't have a huge attention span. 10 minutes in and out, boom, you're done. And don't just try a word for word. Studies from Yale, Michigan State University, shout out old lady's alma mater, and beyond, they prove that Babbel works. One study found that using Babbel for 15 hours is equivalent to a full semester at college,

which come on, that's a no brainer right there. So give it a try. Honestly, get up in there. And here's a special limited time deal for our listeners. Right now, you get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription, but only for our listeners at babbel.com slash all fantasy. Again, get up to 60% off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled B- to 60 off at babbel.com slash all fantasy spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash all fantasy rules and restrictions may apply ian i gotta say you're

a great host i didn't notice it when i was listening but like being in the zoom with you like the hosting you're right on time man that's good thank you so much i really appreciate that marissa leave this in this is the ad break this month make note of the fact that you've never complimented my hosting oh she's done it a million times come on never once never once she puts cigarettes out on me whenever we're together that's why we stopped doing live episodes she's nuts man yeah i kind of like you she lights the whole pack on fire then like it's a big it's big whole pack people don't know this marissa's mean dude marissa's mean marissa goes first when we're out on the street she's ahead of everyone yeah leader of the pack and she she stays with a knife she oh yeah she stays with a knife dude again at the skate park yesterday a kid's knife

came flying out of his pocket i told you that happened to me like a month ago it happened again i wouldn't skate with a knife but not to distract us from marissa who says she got buffed doing beat saber but fully was on like an anabolic steroids routine oh yeah she was cycling she was juicing dude jesus how much of this i wonder how much of this makes it she had 53 home runs though i mean to be fair i mean a lot of people think it's the steroids plus the gym so good on her for that i guess 53 home runs though. I mean, to be fair, I mean, a lot of people think it's the steroids plus the gym. So good on her for that, I guess.

Everything. Yeah. She does own a lot of like, like knives and swords and shit. Cause I was staying with her in Toronto. Yeah. She has like these like both staffs. And I was like,

am I, should I be afraid to sleep here? Or well, you should, in one way you should feel safe because if anyone else tries to fuck with you it's over for them but in another way another very real way yes be afraid because like we're both podcast producers like if she's trying to thin out the herd of competition like she could have done that oh come stay in my house with all these weapons i don't set an alarm when we're doing when she comes on like uh live dates and everything because i know i'm gonna wake up

at 5 a.m with one of her knives to my throat. So it's just like, why is that an alarm at that point? At this point, I just wake up and I'm like, just do it. Just do it. I can't live like this. That got real dark. Yeah, well, it's scary, man. We wanted to end the podcast after 150 episodes, but she put us all in a room and she showed us a brick. She held

all three of us out a window. She was shugged out and we were all vanilla all at once anyway that's just marissa a lot of people think she's like sweet fun you know like like no dude no she gets real she's evil like i don't use that word lightly she is an evil person i'm scared that she's back welcome back to all fantasy everything the only podcast that has ever existed this is it if you like podcasts af is your only destination except of course for the icebox and any episodes of any other podcasts that isaac has produced but that's it yeah those are the only podcasts david boy you are on the

clock the first thing i have thought as soon as we, Isaac said, also we're picking the animal that the name goes with. I had to say, I want a snake named Apache. Whoa. That's like a whole different David. That guy, that guy's wearing a denim vest. Oh, yeah. That guy smokes Winstons. I don't know what he's up to.

That guy's wearing a denim vest, but it was originally a denim jacket where you cut off the arms. You see the frame of the cut. I made it in my van. Yeah, abso-fucking-lutely. That guy, Kurt Russell, has played three different characters based on that dude. Seriously, he was the inspiration for Snake Plissken. A snake named Apache sounds like one of those martial arts movies that came out in the 70s, but it's like a white dude. You remember those where it was like just a white dude kung fu-ing his way through some sort of weird local crime syndicate?

Yeah. Trying to think of one. Or like the lead off in a book of short stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, a snake named Apache. A snake named Apache in other tales. Oh, that does sound like it could be like a poetry collection almost. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. I mean, it's just, there's a lot of stuff going on with a snake named Apache. Sounds like a whiskey bar in like Omaha. If I was more into heavy metal, that's who I would be with a snake named Apache. Dude, a band named a snake named Apache. Yeah, I mean, hey, musicians

out there, you're free to take it. That's a platinum record ass name. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Marissa released The Snake Named Apache into my bed one day. She said, keep them under two hours, Carmel, and then let the snake loose. You told her that you also like the band Pup, and she goes, no, no, no. I'm the one who likes the band Pup.

And then she released that snake in there no she's rough man yeah and then she told me is this a is this a corn snake or a coral snake one of them is deadly poisonous the other completely harmless and then she left me to figure it out i was just gonna ask you what kind of snake it is and i was gonna say is it a corn snake those are the ones that are like red and red and yellow right there's red yellow black but it's like which order it is one of them's harmless and one of them is deadly and she explained that to me in uh crystal clear detail well she was seething when she did it yeah she was seething yeah what kind of snake you got python it's a python named apache yeah absolutely of course it is yeah yeah it has to be it has to

be its name is apache yeah it's like it's got to be a python there's a limited amount of snakes one can one can really have as a pet you know oh i think even two is a bad scene yeah yeah isn't like dwight howard have like seven snakes like that those are his pets exactly he's a weirdo i was gonna say probably well any more than one snake and you're a snake guy now you're a snake guy even one snake you run the risk you're a snake person if you're a snake guy even one snake you run the risk you're a snake person if you have a snake that's fair i mean my brother was a snake guy when we were like growing up he had a boa constructor named bo it was a little like it was a little one of course and i had i had like i had like guinea pigs and stuff like that not to say that i'm not saying man but

i've been handling one and then i went and played with a snake and the snake like yuck got me right on the forearm yeah because you smell like i smelled like a rodent i smelled like dinner so it just like bit my arm and like hung off and i was like and it was like like it was like hang off my arm like the ultimate warrior shoulder tassel you know what i mean like that kind of and i couldn't shake it off marissa says those things to ian when we're not talking about stuff like this so she told him he smelled like a rodent and smelled like dinner one night right before we recorded she goes you smell like dinner yeah and then she put her cigar out in a glass of gin

yeah man snakes i never i never quite had a snake i've had things in the family but never never quite made it to snake level yeah yeah you've had things in the family sounds like like inherited like disease or something yeah you're talking about like we've had chlam things in the family sounds like like inherited like disease or something yeah you're talking about like we've had chlamydia in the family no you gotta go get that you know you don't that's an acquired disease but you gotta go you gotta go grab that yourself yeah you can do it actually if you grab that yourself you won't go get it yeah that's true that's true there it is there it is there we go snake named apache first pick it's off the board i like it sean jordan don't be your first pick uh i want you

know i talked about a while back having a squirrel i want a flying squirrel i want a domesticated flying squirrel sugar in the house named the aviator so like he just flies in or she i flies in wow yeah yeah feminist of the year sean patrick jordan yeah it's been hard to talk ever since i got my vasectomy but i'm starting to figure it out like my god words are coming easier now oh my god and then i'm going to take my daughter to a podcast i want to go encourage dana to vote i've been discouraging it yeah as long as you tell her to go wake up joe before she does it 301 baby lower that apr yeah dude yeah just a flying squirrel and somebody's on the couch like who's that i'm like oh that's the aviator he just you know i love that kind of

fly just flies around limited flying space in the crib, but I think I'd probably take him outside too because he's not trying to get away. He's got a good life inside. No, he doesn't hate you. He loves you. No, no. And I let him fly. I mean, this is the best.

And I have perches. I put skylights in so he had a higher place to get up so he could fly from the skylights down right into his tiny little airplane bed that he's got or hers or hers or hers that only yeah only rings when you hear the the the first person you get a little flying a little like a little uh like a little cap like a little flying hat for for the avianavis oh they're gonna be tiny little goggles no they're gonna have like a little scully like usher used to wear. Like one of those. Oh, really? Oh, interesting. That's a choice.

Like in the Nice and Slow video? Tiny little aviator hot tub that they're going to fly into sometime. Hot tub? What kind of fucking airport is this? A fun one. Miami, dude. That's what I want Miami to be. Would the aviator fly to Epstein Island, bro?

Come on. 301, dude. 301, baby. Wake up. Hey, America, if you're listening, go wake up the rest of you. Isaac, just so you're aware, we're going hard right after episode 300, which was a few ago. I was a little alarmed by some of

your comments here. Don't be alarmed. Oh, if you weren't alarmed when you took the vaccine, then why are you worried about this? Speaking of which, I gotta schedule my booster. This this uh this new variant is you want more sugar water in your in your blood i got boosted and floosed it did it was great took it online on monday yeah yeah i gotta go do it oh i'm home for a month i'll go get boosted don't get it yeah go get the booster man anyway flying squirrel named the aviator i love it isaac time for your first pick all right this is gonna be my most immature pick but it made me laugh really hard when i when i

thought about it uh i want to get a rooster named duane the cock johnson oh yeah great of course it's very third grade but i mean come on man you go to college on that talking to a bunch of scholars you know i thought it was road scholar up until six months ago probably so you know it's kind of humor for us you thought they were just somebody who traveled from town to town learning life's lessons i did i'm a road scholar yeah yeah in that case there's a lot of road scholars out there r o a d and i'm still not exactly sure it's roads r h o d es yeah all right anyway yeah laura was so politely was like did you say road scholar that's one of your less that's one of your more understandable ones i should say okay yeah i don't want to say less embarrassing because none of them have been

embarrassing it's but this one i get felonious monk was a little embarrassing yeah that one's embarrassing never mind actually a lot of them have been actually pretty. No, Caution of the Wind wasn't. Isaac, go on. No, no, no. Dwayne the Cock. Caution of the Wind was hard to deal with. And just sort of be like, that's my friend, dude. Let's dig into this. Let's dig into your many errors with the English language.

Where did I go wrong? Caution of the Wind. I still fully back that. Every time I hear it in any form of pop culture or anything, I'm like, they're saying kosh, end of the wind. Thelonious Monk was one. I guess Road Scholar. Oh, remember when we were in Columbus

and I thought it was horna culture? Horna culture? I thought it was like horna culture because I said horna culture. And David goes, did you say horna culture? And I was like, no. And I brushed it off and he believed me. And I did that just so I could bring it up at the show. I'd be like, David, I did say horna culture and i said i was like no and i brushed it off and he believed me and i did that just so i could bring it up at the show like david i did say horna culture because i wanted to get

his genuine reaction to him thinking that's what i thought it was this is good because duane alone is a funny name for a rooster yeah you got you're gonna call him duane that's you know yeah here's the thing i usually call him duane but when he's in trouble yeah i have i use the full name duane the cock johnson put that down right now yeah you know and i get to say that yeah and then when when his friends come over they're like is duane is the cock here like they're nervous they don't exactly know what he goes by he goes by the cock at school for sure yeah 100 goes by the cock they also kind of strut like they already kind of strut like the rock you know they walk around like the backyard some of them are buff man and they

eat a lot of sushi yeah yeah yeah cheat day they got those cheat days where they drink tequila are you gonna give them like some sort of plaid what's the plaid gonna be the plaid well he's gotta have some plaid on if he's the rock referencing exactly all those plaid suits all the plaid suits plaid suits I was going to put him in a turtleneck with some gold chains around his neck that's one option also a loose leather vest is one of your options there's a lot of different outfits for Dwayne the Cock Johnson

you can make him the wrestler just put like the little speedos on him I like that it's a good suggestion I don't know why i got all quiet i think i was waiting for one of you guys to jump in like sean sean like i love you man like this is not a it was a good it's okay it was a good suggestion it just got quiet it's just that's what happened it wasn't on you not everyone's a road scholar i get it some some of you just stay in your neighborhood and scholar there. That's true.

Scholarly pursuit. Also, I just want to clear this up to make sure I'm right. Is the Rhodes Scholar? It's a scholarship, right? That's what makes you a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford? Okay, that's what I thought. Yeah. Keep going. Very few are taken and that you get to go study at Oxford for two years.

You get to go study abroad. Study abroad. Boy, I got a kick out of that one. Explain this joke to me. Please dissect the frog. Why was that funny? I'm a frog. You know a lady has a skirt. A skite.

I thought it was something much more complex than that. I was like, it can't possibly be a frog. How has that not made it into any of the mob movies ever it probably has it's probably in like one of them yeah yeah marty listens take it man take it for free that's on the house yeah yeah ever since fuck jams with roxanne gay martin scorsese has been a loyal listener. Excellent pick, Dwayne the Cock Johnson.

Time for my first and second picks, as tis. As tis. I'm going to take a mini horse named Night Moves. Ooh. Night Moves. Okay. Okay. Does this mini horse live on campus with you, or do you got a stable? No, it's in the backyard, dude.

And in the house sometimes. Yeah. He has his free run of the place. He's one of those mini horses with the bangs, you know? Yeah. Black horse with the kind of gray-white mane and tail, as it were. His name's Night Moves and he's on his own schedule. Oh, he's just living.

He's more of a roommate, really like more of a roommate really more of a roommate than a pet he just has money you don't really know how he just has he lives at the house with me i've i don't buy him food and he doesn't eat mine like i have a bowl of apples and that's and there's never any missing he's a great sometimes he's got a girl over yeah a human girl but you don't care i don't care wild thing is you come in you're like oh night moves sorry man he goes it's all good yeah just come back later later he doesn't pay rent but he covers a bunch of the utilities yeah yeah somehow yeah you don't ask no no pays no case on those you just you just let him cover him i'm not trying to sort of i don't i like i feel like the more questions i ask the

more likely it is that i end up states evidence and I could never do that tonight. No, well, you can't know what are you gonna snow? No, I don't even I don't even like talking about it. Uh-huh. No, no, he loves steely Dan. You think it would be Bob Seger, but He's not he's like I'm not defined by my name no, no That's just it actually has nothing to do with the song sometimes I come come home and he's just blasting, just blasting the Dan, dude. He did a little bit of hard time, and so every day is gravy. Yeah. Yeah.

White collar, by the way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Of course. Cushy prison. Oh, yeah. He was upstate. You know what I mean?

Club fed. Club fed. Yeah, he was a club fed, dude. That's where he learned pickleball. Uh-huh. Yeah, they like good behavior. Yeah, yeah. He does. If I had had one critique it is like don't leave the cocaine out right you gotta clean this shit up yeah come on

my mom's coming over you know what i mean up with god's god's vacuum gave it to you right here just go ahead i know you don't realize like monday doesn't really mean a lot to you a you're a mini horse b you're on your own schedule but like it is it's my monday dude so i need like i can't be walking out in this cocaine maybe he leaves it out for you do you a little solid start your week but then that presents its own set of issues you know what i mean it's because like he's an enabler at that point i'm married you know what i mean i gotta like stay on the straight and narrow but we're still friends well friendly it's a tenuous relationship yeah i used to think it was for all intensive purposes that's another one oh yeah that was

i think that's pretty i don't think that would be i think you'd be surprised how many people think that sean i think you're an intelligent man i think you're a very intelligent man you wouldn't believe the amount of people that think i don't actually know how to read. It's shocking. Well, when you go to the store and you refuse to read the signs, tell you how the store works. I did say that. I did say that. You were confronted with the option to read and you said no. Only prideful in a few arenas, and that's one of them, I guess. Knowing your way around a store you've never been to.

I figure it out. I just go straight up to whoever's working there and be like where can i find this because it's efficient yeah i never want to be in there any longer than necessary in the store i'll tell you where they don't often know home depot yeah they can look it up i go straight up to the first person that's working and i do that chest bump talk to the side nba don't want to fight you but i'll fight you type thing oh yeah that's what and i do that chest bump talk to the side nba don't want to fight you but i'll fight you type thing that's what i do you pull your i just walk up over your jersey so people can't read what you're saying and i put my head past theirs and i just start saying a lot of shit that they don't want to hear and then i go find the pain on my own

a lot of shit yeah my next pick is a southern rockhopper penguin named the bitch oh man who's that i don't mind the bitch that's a specific animal to call the bitch google it google a southern rockhopper penguin right now right now and tell me will you put it in the chat david yeah for such a power it's just like oh who's that that's the bitch oh my god this penguin yeah they are big time yo that's the bitch that bitch the bitch dude they all look like they live in like a brownstone in queens yeah yeah yeah yeah and they've been there it's rent controlled oh yeah they got a butch haircut dude they're like

they're going crazy like hey you know you uh hey dude come to my birthday party oh i can't i gotta be home early why gotta feed the bitch yeah usually i don't like that as a term for things besides shotgun but yeah that works yeah it's not this is not gendered at all it's not no i just mean it's a hard it's hard to pull off as a nickname yeah this isn't by the way this also isn't an insult i love the bitch no you take care of the bitch i feel like and i know what a what a ridiculous thing for me a man to saying, but I feel like the word has kind of been taken back a little bit in the right way. Am I crazy? Like, it's back.

It's been reclaimed. It's been reclaimed. In certain circles, it never left. Here we go. I'm sharing the screen right now. This is just something special for the Patreon. Dude, my man's got tabs open. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, why you got so many tabs i love it you got a national geographic and an espn living absolutely yeah living that's that's right after you told the bitch that you're gonna be like 10 minutes late for brunch i got my book i'm writing here email email afe stuff schmuck williams that's my uh schmuck williams that's my uh fantasy uh work calendar work work work big green egg recipes all right how's that going by the way the big green egg fucking are you are you fully like primo dude how's it going i'm fucking primo you're lucky you're lucky i'm not smoking meat right now yeah you might be i might be you I might be. You don't know. Yeah.

I can't see everything you're doing. A mini rockhopper penguin named The Bitch. I love it. Yeah. That's my second pick. Isaac, time for your second pick. All right. It comes around.

It's a serpentine draft. There you go. It's like Home Depot when you're just walking around. I got a few good ones, but I'm going to take this because I feel like this is an idea that you guys could have as well. I want to have a pig, like a pet pig, and name it the Notorious P.I.G. There you go. All right.

Wonderful. Wonderful. What a perfect companion to Dwayne the Cock. Cock Johnson. Cock Johnson. Those guys hang out. It makes sense. Yeah.

Yeah. You got kind of a dank little stable going on. Yeah, man. Usually he only says that to me. You're just sitting in your dollar sign hat just looking out at the stable like, yeah. What kind of pig? Are we talking like a little pot belly pig or are we going full grounds? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like one of those tiny, tiny cute ones. Yeah. You know, the ones that wouldn't be eaten. Is he wearing a lumberjack with a hat to match? What's the outfit? Yeah, 100%. Yeah, okay. Yeah, of yeah of course of course why would you even ask that i mean i would be gucci down to the socks there's options there's other way yeah yeah you know it has a balance uh balenciaga jacket yeah it has a you know a ferragamo belt around it i think what i think i would be wearing is a kuji sweater too yeah he could be smoking L's in the jacuzzi and then getting

doomed. Getting doomed? Getting doomed means getting had sex with. No, I get what you did there. Yeah, you watch movies in the jacuzzi, smoke L's while he gets doomed. No, no, we know the lyric. I'm just trying to put it

in a different term just because I can't say it. Cheese, egg, and Welch's grape for breakfast every day? Or late, late dinner. What numbers to dial? Oink, oink. Is he fucking a New York Knicks girlfriend? That's all right.

Who did they say it was? It did come out. What song was that? It did come out. A story was that? It did come out. A Story to Tell. A Story to Tell. Yeah, yeah. When I put which Knicks player in Autofield was Biggie talking about, that's so funny.

Anthony Mason. It was Anthony Mason. Fat Joe said Biggie's I Got a Story to Tell was about Anthony Mason. Rough. I don't know. One of them. Oh, my God. That song.

Couldn't have that just stayed private? I don't know. It's a pretty god that song couldn't have that just stayed private I don't know it's a pretty good song it's a great song it's a great story but Anthony Mason man like nobody's on your side you got cheated on and nobody's on your side I bet you hardly anybody knew that's like if the podcaster never came around

we would never have known that big pun okay couldn't have been big fun fat show wait hold on anthony mason witch and explorer there's a lot of like there's a lot of ndas that have been broken because podcast guests feel like they have to perform and they have to give somebody like a social breakout kind of bit yeah and they just like break ndas and like talk about shit they're not supposed to talk about people get nervous too yeah they want it they want to like be the one with the juice so they want to be the good guest or whatever and you're

like you know have you heard any salacious rumors on podcasts that you'd like to share right now that we could do a breakout we already have a rock hopper penguin named the bitch so we've got it we've got it yeah i mean we got that right we got the post i feel like i feel like i've been painted into a corner i don't think i can talk about this on the record. There we go. That's fine. I'm in Black Adam. I'm saying it.

You and Dwayne the Cock Johnson. Me and Dwayne the Cock Johnson. I'm not supposed to say anything, but yeah, I'm in Black Adam. Yitzhak Perlman is actually three kids. And one of them's a violin uh it's a great pick the notorious pig sean jordan have your second pick hurry giant aquarium you want me to go fast i have a giant aquarium yeah indoor outdoor a little bit of both whoa salt water yeah it goes outside and it's mainly for my octopus my octopus is named double goro because it's got eight arms oh double goro the octopus well i will

be sitting out the rest of this discussion i did not think anybody was gonna pick an octopus no god damn it no i can still pick the octopus though of course you can still you can do it ian's definitely gonna pick one because he's sitting out the rest of the conversation am i crazy no because i'm scared of goro i just i i don't know why but the word i was trying to think of things that could like that like goro and i was like oh double goro that's funny what has eight arms so yeah the octopus so not a ton of thought i just like and also octopus we just talked about it but they're octopus so not a ton of thought i just like and also octopus we just talked about it but they're amazing they're amazing creatures incredible creatures yeah they can just go up into the they're so smart into like a gatorade bottle and like turn around and get laura has footage of an

octopus getting itself out of like a gatorade but it's insane to watch they fucking you know they watch porn what well yeah they're gonna be there if they're in the if they're at the indoor part of the indoor-outdoor aquarium, they're going to be watching a bunch of porn with me in the aviator. By the way, they are delicious. They are so good. I know, that's the problem. We won't be finding out. We won't be finding out.

A little sesame oil, some sea salt. Ooh, perfect. Like when they got that char on there. Ooh, that char. Oh, the texture. Come on. I love a puss char. Maybe if they were a little smarter, I wouldn't

be eating them all the time. They'd be eating me. You love a puss char? Because you figured out everything that cooks them, huh? You're the one that figured out how to cook them. You coming to me? That got me. Puss char got me. Cook an octopus in your big green egg, see what time it is. I will! Alright. Yeah, it would be delicious in a

big green egg. He was a wedding gift, and she left, so i need double goro okay so don't cook double or left you no oh well after she gives me the octopus who knows when does this alternate timeline start for you where you yeah probably 20 years who is she why did she leave maxine's already at purdue she's a proud boiler maker in her sophomore year so youaker in her sophomore year Yeah and I say sophomore By the way now that I have a woman in college I say sophomore Yeah it's no time to be sophomoric Anyways double goro

The octopus David boy time for your Second and tiered picks What's your octopus gonna be oh second Yeah I'm saying a falcon named Midas yeah yeah Oh my gosh Midas is dope. And then the glove is like gold. Like it looks like,

remember, or like, or like that sequin glove that Michael Jackson used to have. Yeah. That's my Falcon glove. That's sick. Hell yeah. And then here's a little trick.

The Falcon smokes cigars. Whoa. Yeah, dude. So I just have him, he's over here smoking a cigar and I, and I am just hanging out going places you know we go places is it like is it like a little gold cigar yeah i don't know the color brown i feel like taming a falcon whoever did that first like i get what's the

mongolians who was it the first guy the first guy to like lock that down like it's like the first guy to have a three-way where everybody's like wait wait what wait yeah two dudes at the same time yeah what the fuck just happened holy buckets probably was any any combo of three-way i bet it was just three dudes being like we're all should we just all three do it so we can say three of us had sex at the same time we can leave out some of the details yeah yeah but fucking like taming a falcon they fly they fly off like it like a like a wolf you can corner and feed you know it always feels like they're not even fully tamed because you still gotta have that giant glove to deal with them yeah yeah yeah why do they wear the helmet the falcons i have no idea i think it's a blind i think it's blinders

i think it is right yeah so they fly right to oh wait they don't wear the helmet when they fly i think you take that little helmet off when they go fly how did he figure that out the first one or her how did she figure that out like okay i'm gonna need a little helmet and a big ass glove but i think i can make this bird do what i want yeah i'm pretty sure and someone's like okay can we watch yeah can we watch you try to figure out not yet not yet can we watch you in a week because falconry goes back years right yeah and also with birds like they they live in a different plane of existence than we like we live on land we're land creatures yeah like these are air creatures you're gonna tame air creatures i know it's great i've always said because I don't trust them, you know.

Falcons? 301, baby. We're not supposed to interact. I thought you were talking about voting machines. Wait, you don't trust Falcons or voting machines? I don't trust Boyds, even though I studied abroad. No, I don't trust birds that much. Whenever you

interact with a bird, you always get that feeling where you're like, we're not supposed to be together. No, no. Well, there are dinosaurs. They're descended from dinosaurs. So dinosaurs and primates. Well, they can just come down to our level and then leave whenever they want. And it's tough. We can't go up there.

No. Why can't a bird domesticate, like, do that train me so I can fly? Why can't that happen? So you can fly why can't that happen so you can fly like if a falcon like if a falcon is just like i'm gonna make this human fly and train me to fly why can't they just do that we do it to them just the other way well they don't do human stuff they just say they can fly i'm saying still do falcon shit like they're still falcons i'll still do human shit but also train me to fly i don't think it's an unreasonable request. I think it's the most unreasonable request

maybe you've ever had on this podcast. It's insane. You would have to have hollow bones and wings. Are you asking a bird to teach you how to fly? Listen, if I'm going to pay $6 a gallon, somebody could teach me how to fly. I don't think it's unreasonable. Here it is. There we go.

You got to see this. When you pull a weed out, you got to get the root too. That's the problem here. That's what's going on here this is apr based stuff all right i'll lower it jesus yeah i feel like if you have a falcon that has to that's has to be a big part of your life i yeah i mean i don't think i could have as much of a grueling road schedule hey would you watch my falcon while i'm in just listen midas he needs six rats a weekend yeah i like to give him four on friday night so he's full till sunday and then he needs six rats a weekend just go there's a there's a bluff nearby and you just go stand up there and he'll find you yeah he's gonna

circle your head in an uncomfortable way he's not gonna trust you to be honest trust the noise trust the noise he makes you're gonna if you're wearing my white socks hat he'll get my essence and come to you but otherwise no he will not he will not trust you but he will not trust you no he'll fight for you though he will fucking die for you fuck it dude that dude. That's Midas. But yeah, so a falcon named Midas. Yeah, I think it's great. That's a great pick. Oh, third pick. I want a rabbit named Teriyaki.

Yeah, dude. Yaki for short, of course. Yaki, of course. It's just like a cute, I just think that's a cute animal name. Yeah. Teriyaki the rabbit. Teriyaki. Is he a dark brown, kind of like Teriyaki sauce oh and one of those mondo rabbits like you know the

fucking big fucks mondo i haven't heard that for a minute a rabbit who's like polly from goodfellas like he doesn't move for anybody yeah yeah huge fucking rabbit very gentle temperament but big as fuck yeah like haunches yeah what is rabbit ownership seems fun it does seem fun yeah they don't make any noise yeah they poop a lot but like you can keep them outside i think they fuck a lot too yeah like teens yeah so they poop a lot and they fuck a lot dude dude some of these rabbits when you google giant rabbit dude this one's like as big as this little girl they get big and if we want to talk about tasty i'm not gonna eat my rabbit i'm not saying we're eating fucking uh teriyaki but i am saying that i have had rabbit and it is delicious yeah i've had i yeah i mean well after he's done am i gonna get a commemorative hat out of it probably but yeah dude yeah you know let's that's whatever but yeah giant rabbit

is giant rabbit its own species also it might be it might be i mean they might have another name but maybe they are just called giant rabbits there's also jack rabbits of course oh yeah i would feel bad keeping a jackrabbit. Jill rabbits? Jill. The Flemish giant rabbit. Oh. Males can tip the scales at over 13 pounds.

That's a big-ass rabbit, man. That's a big rabbit, dude. That's what I like. The Flemish giant rabbit. They're so soft. Also, YouTube, a lot of videos about violence toward rabbits. I don't love that violence no just like it's like dogs catching rabbits and shit oh well yeah mongoose tears baby hair apart

man look up a french a french lop that's a cute rabbit that's a great name they can weigh 15 pounds and beyond and they got loppy little ears oh i like that oh okay this guy flemish can weigh over 20 pounds bro that's a big ass that's what i want like a big massive like a hefty hefty hefty guy the breed dates back as far as 16th century belgium and it was originally bred for fur and meat and or company i mean all three man i like it i like a rabbit named teriyaki yeah it would just be a good time kids love rabbits they're good with kids they're like very good everybody every time you ever see somebody with rabbits it seems like they're always with kids and you never hear of a kid in a rabbit accident never no like you never hear like oh that kid got bit by a rabbit

or mauled by a rabbit no i have to rush aspen to the emergency room kick though they're like fuck you up with a kick right won't they yeah yeah yeah they'll get the little the little rabbit punches yeah are they related to kangaroos that's that's not even business let's stop let's stop peeling back the onion all right because we want to be able to release this podcast. I'm going to Google Rabbit Kangaroo Connection. Don't do it. Don't do it. That's a good band name.

You're going to get flagged. Do that on an incognito Firefox browser, dude. You got to go. Yeah, no, I'm in the cut. Ask someone to borrow their phone and look it up. Dude, the Rabbit Kangaroo Connection is like some Australian band that won a bunch of- Well, it was a coup.

It was an attempted coup. It was a coup. It was a band. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The band was named after the coup yeah onlyfans.com slash the rabbit kangaroo connection like there's a lot of different ways this could go oh man spectacular pick yeah a rabbit named teriyaki sean jordan time for your third pick uh this is the only pun i'm gonna throw in there but i really enjoy it i'm like a a very stern precise kitty cat named mr meowgi oh mr me that's amazing i'm excited about it it's not uh it's just a very calculated fun cat but makes you work for it it's around the house it doesn't get shook my two cats right now get shook if somebody closes a book they fucking freak out and leave the room this cat knows what's going on it is

it's vigilant it's up precise again calculating methodical this cat and uh but it also hangs out and it enjoys it enjoys my company of my cat dude that's methodical break that down for me yeah it sounded like you were describing an assassin yeah how does that i think it just i think it's just gonna look like every other cat but in my mind these are the adjectives that i'm throwing at it where i'm like okay you're sitting there you're thinking about real life things things that matter my college girlfriend had a cat named mr miyagi augie for short that was what augie's full name was yeah mr miyagi really yeah so hold this l dude how did i not know that i don't know i never i never knew that i always thought his name was aug his name was aug for

short i thought it was augie augie for short i know but we always call yeah aug for short augie for short mr miyagi for long well a good example you remember when we when uh we came back to find that our computers had been stolen yeah and agi was just like on point that's he was shocked that i but he was looking at us like he knew something went down that was also that was insane when we walked in and the cat that we're talking about in and i's computer got stolen somebody broke into my apartment yeah yeah yeah well because somebody broke in because someone had cut the like the mesh let themselves in through the window and rummaged around strangers i mean it probably freaked the cat out you know the cat knows that that's like a person that's never been like the cat got violated because it was there

yeah that's what i'm saying it's his house too like a dog or something i mean that when the dog would be freaking out too dog would have barked and like try to get aggressive with it yeah well i think it happened probably hours before we got home we got home like three in the morning had to be someone we knew had to be someone i still think it's an inside job i'm still mad about it yeah and i'm glad i don't know who did it i honestly that shit always is man yeah well because we were advertised we're all the show they knew everybody was going to be there like everybody in our circle very easy just to go and they also took exactly they took ian's only your computer and then took my backpack that had my computer in it and nothing else i don't know it was very next episode we're going to draft who we think it was. Pick Shane 20 times, man.

Same pick, Mr. Miyagi. Yeah, Mr. Miyagi. Big inside job. Excellent pick. Isaac, time for your third pick. My third pick. Man, I got a couple of good ones. I'm going to take a skunk and name it Dolly Fartin.

After the legendary singer. You see this guy putting numbers on the board today? All pun-based picks. I love puns, man. Are you worried the puns are going to run out of steam here? They haven't yet. I have like 17 more of these. I just kind of off the dome.

I just thought about these last night. Light years ahead. Light years ahead. Yes. Yes. Yeah, Dolly Fartin. I think it would be funny to imagine the skunk singing Jolene. i just thought about these last night light years ahead light years ahead yes yes yeah dolly farton i just i think it'll be funny to imagine the skunk singing jolene yeah you know imagine it singing i will always love you yeah it's about a girl that worked at the bank you know worked at the bank didn't even know skunks could go to the bank did you what oh jolene oh the song

is about a girl who worked at the bank who dolly parton saw right yeah and she was i forget exactly that but it was like she like wrote it all in one night right she wrote that and i will always love you in the same night because her manager said she was gaining too much weight to go out with the other band members or like the other bands that were on the the road and so she stayed home furious and wrote those two amazing songs also uh backer of moderna and was like responsible for the vaccine i remember that a lot of people say when dolly parton wrote those two songs in one night it's kind of the equivalent of me picking night moves the mini horse and the

bitch back to back night moves in the bitch dude yeah that's the new turner and hooch right there dolly farton what do you what's the way are you having it deactivated the skunk are you having the glands sort of deactivated are you like letting it roll what world you gotta you gotta right you you have to you have to for but like they can still fart it just doesn't smell like that you know what i mean right okay you can remove the i mean people do it for glands and then they fart like the way a dog fart they or something. They can spray? Yeah. Well, because the spray isn't a fart. No, the spray is not a fart.

The spray is like a gland that they spray out. It's an ejaculation. Oh, I don't know enough about skunk anatomy to comment on that. You're in the right place. You're in the right place, my friend. The skunk ejaculated under the Fortress of Solid Dudes one time and it smelled gnarly for like a week. We have two passions, fantasy drafting and skunk genetics.

Big skunk genetics big skunk genetics yeah i mean if i had a pet skunk i would do i think it's like i think legally you have to like get get the glands probably i don't think you can just have public health reasons you know i can't like bring it to parties and like and have it stink man what would that how i wonder i wonder what the house would be like if you did just bring in a skunk and trained it in the house but did not remove the glands like would it even be livable bad it'd be bad would you just get used to it you come around the corner no it would never become livable no i don't think so right you'd never get used to it no i don't know you don't want to go to smell go smell blind to skunk then what i guess i don't know yeah but like yeah that's buck to think about have you had a skunk go off has anyone i've had one go off there right out and then one right outside of this house too it smells it smells like burning rubber it's so thick in our backyard a few months ago

it's so when you're close to it when it's close close that's when it smells like like burning if you're you know if you see one on the freeway or whatever and you kind of like weed then it smells like weed but if it's like there it smells like a like a brush fire yeah yeah it's been intense yeah crazy shut the skunks dude isn't that weird that they just evolved that yeah get off me nature's nature's fucking crazy i know that i like this is very like hey it hits hits a joint and then says this but like there's just a little creature that can shoot stink out of its ass glands and like there that's not a thing that other animals have yeah you'd think it would be an available feature yeah yeah they got that option at the shop yeah it's like a one of one nothing else does that

no i don't think so some animals some animals let like stink out like there's lizards and snakes do that and stuff like that but like skunks aim it right yeah remember they had that he-man skunk remember that one no where you could twist his waist. I think it was like a rubber band that you were creating friction with, and then it would stink. Really? Yeah, it was skunk core. No. Toy technology.

Speaking of genetic anomalies, I'm about to take a porcupine named Elegance. Elegance. Elegance. Elegance, the porcupine, dude. It's a lady. She's thick. Or a guy. No, no no this is just a lady elegant it's just a lady she's you know what i mean have you ever heard a porcupine eat no no do yourself a favor i didn't know that was a genre do yourself a favor go to youtube

look up a porcupine eating a pumpkin, and just have a great time. I'm going to try to approximate now what it sounds like. Sounds like Yoda eating pussy. i was gonna not make that joke your birthday it must be porcupines are so cute they have the cutest little faces uh but speaking of genetic anomalies they launch missiles out of their back they launch them it's not if you touch them they fucking yeah and then they fire that shit out like that that's so crazy auto populates porcupine eating pumpkin yeah dude yeah and how does that work they just shoot those things out they shoot them out they shoot them out and i'm not deactivating my porcupine oh you're keeping them active

me and elegance we have a sacred trust well if the bitch gets out of line someone's got to keep the bitch in line dude someone's got to keep the bitch in line that's how yeah yeah it's fucking elegance how big do porcupines get big enough big man big enough yeah big enough to get their money back yeah they get big enough dude yeah a porcupine in elegance i think every now and then i put a little like show up i'll dress her in like taffeta and and silk chiffon you know whatever you know like give her a little crown and stuff like that yeah she kind of she kind of she she's the the host of the home you know

what i mean elegance popping around she's popular everybody loves her don't pet her but everybody loves no god no i'm not a second and she stays in many pumpkins dude stays in many pumpkins that is my third pick and're going to get to my fourth pick right after another short break. This episode of all fantasy. Everything is brought to you by policy genius, policy genius. I'm going to hit you. We're going to talk about some life insurance stuff real quick. Now, 40% of people with life insurance wish they'd gotten their policy at a younger age. Of course you do. I wish I'd done everything at a younger age. That's neither here nor there. Policy Genius, essentially, it just helps you get the life insurance you need fast so you can get on with your life. With Policy Genius, you can find life

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Lotion. Yeah. Wet, wet lotion. Try to put some lotion on your cornflakes tomorrow morning. Start your day off right. Cornflakes. Delicious.

Sneak some lotion into your partner's book i time for my fourth pick with my fourth pick i'm going to take a border collie named jonathan there you go love it when a dog has a man's name yeah yeah i love that border collies are beautiful they have long hair you know what i mean like i feel like if jonathan steps into his light and the sun hits him just right at the magic hour you might start crying now let me ask you do you ever abbreviate to john no johnny new nathan nope what about if he's got a bandana on no sir around his neck jonathan it's always jonathan he would never have a bandana on. He might have an Hermes scarf. What if he's on a boat? Nope. Hermes scarf.

Come on. Don't ask me stupid questions. I love you. I love you. You're more of my best friend. You're one of my favorite people on the entire planet. Don't you dare ask me a stupid question like that again. What if he's on a boat? His name is Jonathan.

He's a border collie. He's wearing a Hermes scarf. What's a Hermes scarf jonathan he's a border collie he's wearing a hermes scarf what's a hermes scarf hermes is a it's a fashion it's like a designer i think we have a we have a pronunciation dispute here regional i mean it's a it's a french company yeah it's hermes hermes oh i know what a hermes scarf is yeah you get those at the skating rink hermes yeah yeah he's jonathan he's just gorgeous he like you can't like he's i'm not invited to brunch with him you know what i mean he's out there with like it's like him it's a ray somebody who writes for the new yorker like he has an assistant that you have to schedule yeah yeah right yeah yeah no you can't even get to Jonathan.

You can't get to Jonathan, dude. He's at the house sometimes. Sometimes. Well, you got to be sometimes. I don't even know how technically he's a pet. Like, it's weird. Like, he's there like a landlord, right? He like checks in.

He goes to Tulum a lot. I don't know. Like, it's weird. Like, he's out there, dude. You know what I mean? He lives a very active life. Where's Tulum? Mexico. I know what I mean? He's, he lives a very active life. Where's Tulum? Mexico. I know.

I know. It's pronounced Mexico. All Mexico. Jonathan, the beautiful, beautiful border collie. Flowing. He's at like skin gym right now. You know what I mean? He's getting like human facial treatments and stuff like that.

Yeah. Like people treatments. Yeah. I like that. He drinks like really expensive water from people treatments yeah i like that he drinks like really expensive water from arowan like he's like on that level dude he's on that like he has like a huge tiktok following and he doesn't do shit on there no all he does is gripe about his tiktok followers yeah whatever yeah i don't think i need them right anyway that's his move dude

that's a that's a That's a border collar named Jonathan That's my pick Isaac Tump for your fourth pick Okay I think I might go in Dolly Fartin off the board Dolly Fartin is off the board Dwayne the Cock Johnson off the board I might go with like

This is still kind of a pun I want to get a pony And name it Genuine I don't think that of a pun but uh i want to get a pony and name it genuine i don't think that's a pun i mean kind of a pun but no i that's dope dude yeah genuine you get to hop on gin yeah i would call it yeah of course yeah yeah i would call her jennyny, but the full name is Ginnywine. Yeah, Ginnywine the pony. Same pony. You could say that too. You just get on there.

I'm just an equestrian. I would say, you're a pony. I'm human. What's Ginnywine's real name? Elgin Lumpkin. Yeah, Elgin Lumpkin. That's his real name elgin lumpkin yeah elgin lumpkin that's his real name yeah dude i found out just now wow he's a he's still that same old g i wouldn't worry about it also he just like passed out in a tank of water or something did you see that

what genuine did yeah just like a glass hold on damn's buck. I thought you guys had genuine text alerts too. Google alerts for genuine? Passes out unconscious after dangerous Criss Angel magic stunt goes wrong. Wow. I've been waiting for that headline. Didn't think it was going to be genuine. He passed out in a tank of water during Criss Angel. What are those tickets? Oh my God.

The genuine Criss Angel tickets. Those those aren't tickets the collaboration you've been waiting for dude those are a state of mind that's the rabbit kangaroo connection that's what it is they attempted the deadly rabbit kangaroo connection that's crazy if that's how genuine died i would be so upset oh my god he's not gonna die that's the thing he's never gonna die no he can't right immortal no i doubt it no uh yeah but yeah i i love that and also i would always sing that your pony i'm human thing i would never stop that would be the alarm that would be how you wake him up you know yeah dude a pony named genuine i can't believe somebody must somebody must have at least one pony out there if not we're in we're in worse

shape than i thought just as a race of a species you know what i mean like come on there better be a pony also genuine talk about a guy who got old weird did he hold on now i haven't seen him in a while oh you haven't he was blowing up for his weird dance moves last year yeah genuine as old guys it's really weird what's going on with this facial hair i don't know that's i'm covering up a second chin facial hair i've seen that. I know that when I see it. Damn. Yeah, he did get old weird. He did.

He got old weird. Damn, okay. I'd go to see Genuine. Like, I'm not trying to be like... I'd go see Genuine. Oh, of course. I'd like if Genuine was performing somewhere I was already going. Yeah, I'm not going to go see him and Criss Angel probably. No, no, no, no, no. Well, if I was going going. Yeah. I'm not going to go see him and Chris Angel. Probably. No, no, no, no, no.

Well, if I was going, sure. If we were staying at the Luxor and genuine tickets, it's like a pyramid. You can't talk to the inside, but from the outside, it's crazy from certain angles. It looks like a pyramid. It's wild. And he was playing at the Luxor and it was like $15.

What's the most you would pay to see genuine? I would, I would pay $100 to see Genuine. $100 to see Genuine? Like good seats. Good seats. Good seats. I think you could pay $100 to meet Genuine. That's like a Patreon.

I would though. Yeah, that's like a membership. Just for like, between like, there's like five songs i would really like yeah so anxious oh so anxious oh in those jeans oh fucking uh same old g of course of course pony pony of course and then like is there there's got to be another genuine i've only heard, I only heard until same old G. Oh, yeah. So Anxious is a good song.

So Anxious is a great song. I would like, I bet he would think he would like extend So Anxious. Yeah. Maybe an 1130. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I would pay on it.

I like Genuine. Yeah, I'm in. For a guy who you would think would be problematic, he like surprisingly not a lot of scandals with genuine no i don't think he's a bad guy i know he had out of the media i know he had depression problems for a bit which shout out to genuine keep your yeah man we love you he listens uh sean jordan time for your fourth pick uh i got a syrian hamster which is like just the most

popular kind of hamster just a dope hamster right and uh he's named the big unit it's a syrian hamster it's a syrian hamster that's a shocker yeah yeah yeah he's named the big unit because he has like the biggest spot in the hamster village so he's just got the biggest unit also got a giant cock but that's that has there's nothing that just happens to be a happy coincidence he's just got the biggest hamster hog corny the big penis penis dude shout out yeah i just like a ham you know it's one of those ironic ones where like the hamster comes scurrying i was like oh watch out for the big unit watch out for the big unit he's just cutely going through his little wood chips and stuff now that we've gotten a couple pics like this,

pretty funny naming an animal the something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always. I don't think I've ever actually met one. I've met animals with human names. I've met animals with full names, with a last name, with a middle name, with celebrity names. I've never met a the.

This is the. Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah, it is fun. We'll'll get there but just the big unit just like him you know he's scurrying around and like oh watch out for the big unit and then he's not a big unit at all he just he's got a real big hamster village did you guys see that randy johnson is a photographer for the nfl now i did that was amazing to see i feel weird that i've not i've known that i've known that for like he's been a photographer for decades really i didn't know i think i think that might be my sports illustrated for kids readership that's great clyde the clyde clyde

the clyde he like he started like pearl jam concerts and stuff like that wow yeah could you imagine going to see pearl jam and randy johnson's there taking pictures what a bummer just all tall in front of you and shit i'd be i'd be something that he just likes to do is just like to likes to take pictures he's just living that life he's into it i can hear eddie i can see randy i'm in yeah it's probably something he was always good at like kareem abdul-jabbar in writing right yeah he wrote for uh veronica mars yeah and bruno mars uh some of our previous episodes where i conflated the two that was all kareem he wrote the logo for mars bar he wrote out of mars bar he's he's marissa he is marissa blackman's the sneakers by the way kareem he's the i've met a lot of basketball players in my life he is the

biggest person i've ever met in my entire life he's so tall it's incredible over shack uh i've never met shack okay shack is huge but kareem's taller like is kareem taller than two inches i think because he came up there with one of our elevators and he had to like bend fully down to fit in the elevator. That's how tall he is. I bet that happens to him all the time. Could you imagine? I didn't come up with this. I saw it was somebody's Twitter profile.

I saw once a Korean Abdul Jabarbecue. That is true. I should change my Twitter name to that. Steal it. I mean, you should start a business. You know what? Let's go in on a restaurant just call it abdul jabbarbecue dude i'm there oh my god come on it would do it would

do numbers in k-town man oh my god we gotta we gotta put this together we gotta put this together how's that not happening korean abdul jabbarbecue yeah the problem with me owning it would be i'm a clippers fan and i hate the lakers but you know of course of course it doesn't it could be a bucks themed restaurant yeah yeah that's true we could open it yeah it could be a veronica marth being restaurant it could be a brutal restaurant uh hamster named the big unit yes excellent pick david time for your fourth and then your final picks the final pick pick, a lightning round. Fourth pick, a pit bull named, or not a pit bull, a bulldog named Tough Guy. Ooh.

See, that's another one, too. It's not a the, but it is. Tough Guy. It's in that arena. It's like, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just it's like a very cute, fun, masculine name for a dog. But he's a little sweetie, I bet. Yeah, that's the thing. Tough Guy, he's a very cute, fun, masculine name for a dog. But he's a little sweetie, I bet.

Yeah, that's the thing. Tough guy. He's a little geek. I think of him, he's almost like one of those like, he's like a princess guy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tough guy's a diva. Yeah, yeah.

He sits on a pillow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got like a fancy pillow. Oh, tough guy. Here comes tough guy. Oh, tough guy's in his little bed. It's got like Ralph fancy pillow. Oh, tough guy. Here comes tough guy. Oh, tough guy's in his little bed. It's got like Ralph Lauren sheets. Somebody walks in and he comes running over and you're like, oh, watch out for tough guy.

And then he just licks him a couple times. Yeah, exactly that. Exactly that. Yeah. He's got chain for some reason. Yeah. Not for some reason. For some reason.

Come on. There's a reason. It's because he led the Miami Hurricanes in interceptions. That's why he's got chain. Bad hurricane. Yeah, he's got a chain. Bad hurricane. Yeah, he's got a chain for a bunch of reasons. Yeah, dude. On every interception.

A bulldog named Tough Guy. Seems like it just goes. It goes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Being alert, like, I'm allergic to dogs. I want a bulldog so bad. I've always loved bulldogs, but I just can't.

I'm not going to be able to do it. They're sweeties, too. Like, if they're your dog. I would love one, but I travel too much for a dog not going to be able to do it. They're sweeties, too. If they're your dog. I would love one, but I travel too much for a dog. I need to get into it. They got hip problems. I probably will. Hook it up, dude.

From getting a birth so many times. And then my last pick, because I did not think Octopus was going to go so early. I have an octopus named Evelyn. Evelyn. Evelyn. Evelyn the octopus. Can her and Double Goro get together at some point? Yeah, they could hang out for sure. I wouldn't let that happen.

Evelyn? No, I love it. Evelyn's in a different, you know what I mean? She's got a ring. She has a ring on. Yeah, she's married. Yeah. She's reading books.

She's a serious woman. She's an author. She wears a blazer, Yeah, she's married. Yeah. She's reading books. She's a serious woman. She's an author. She wears a blazer, even though she's an octopus. I'm not saying Double Goro is like... He's wearing a t-shirt drinking Mountain Dew. All right, like, come on now, dude. Evelyn's a guest speaker at multiple events. She has...

Multiple events. She was a keynote speaker at Essence Fest last year. It's almost offensive to put them together just because they're both octopi. Let's not define them like that. Yeah, Evelyn the octopus. That's my lightning round. Evelyn. And again, no shade on double goro.

I would rather hang out with double goro. Of course. That's who I'm hanging out with. But I'm not... Evelyn doesn't want to spend time with me either you know what i mean i'm not just yeah double girls used to be in alone it's all right okay well now i feel bad for double gore yeah that's sad all right you're fine i'm gonna go i got a big old turtle in the front yard named sherlock

then you go up and you say huh no shit sherlock yeah all the time all the time be like it's raining then i just go to him no shit sherlock social bit yeah just a big old turtle oh no shit sherlock you get a little sherlock hat sometimes oh yeah a little pipe big front yard turtle he stays in the yard he knows what's up and uh he's like 200 and his name's sherlock and he don't move much but when he moves he moves he predates the book sherlock hol Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the inspiration was from. So Sherlock out front. Sherlock out front, dude. Isaac, time for your

final pick. Oh my god. I think I'm going to have to go with the sheep named Alexandra Barbario. Barbario. Barbario. Yep. no explanation needed no you're good man lighting around baby shout out to alexandra daddario she is she's talented out to her she is she's talented she's a talented actress i don't even notice the beautiful part very she is fucking gorgeous talented uh yes very talented as well i'm married so yeah of course i'm not

so i can just i can just comment on yeah me too she's hot as hell she is gorgeous uh okay again all right she's one of the you know what she's one of those act she's one of those people who were like man i'm definitely straight if i wasn't straight i would not be having any of these thoughts yeah yeah yeah she's a powerhouse uh time for my final pick i'm going to take a big mean mean unpleasant ornery just maladjusted just off, doesn't need any of your time or affection, orange cat named Pumpkin. Ooh, yeah. Pumpkin and the bitch, dude?

Pumpkin and the bitch? What holiday? Who gives a shit? Those are notorious street fights. Pumpkin and that shit. You come home with all the pillows and shredded up, Pumpkin and the bitch got into it. Yeah.

You can charge tickets for that shit. Dana White oh punkin and the bitch got into it yeah you could charge you could charge tickets for that shit they're the light promotes punkin and the bitch dude you don't even get the bitch had an oscar parties and didn't invite you yeah you don't even go close to punkin you still you get punkin a wide berth that's where the term wide berth was invented yeah what is with those orange cats and like you know they're all dicks like they're dicks i've run across many an orange cat in my life and they've never been nice to me exactly well why what have you got to offer them that's true that's true yeah yeah we have to look inward sometimes i love it man yeah the pumpkin dude yeah punkin the thing about the pumpkin and

the bitch is punkin is the bitch the bitch is yeah she's reasonable sometimes reasonable sometimes the bitch can be reasoned with punkin cannot yeah punkin is unhinged unhinged lunacy marissa ask i would say she can't cut it all out she can't cut it all out to recap david you went first you took a snake named apache a falcon named midas a rabbit named teriyaki a bulldog named tough guy and an octopus named evelyn sean you went second you took a flying squirrel named the aviator double goro the octopus a kitty cat named mr meyagi a hamster named the big unit and a big old turtle named sherlock isaac you went third you took duane the cock johnson a pig named the notorious pig

dolly farting the skunk a pony named genuine and a sheep named alexandria barrio i went last i took night moves the mini horse a mini rockhopper penguin named the bitch a porcupine named elegance a border collie named jonathan and a big mean orange cat named pumpkin dude i mean we left everything on the board a raccoon named dick nixon dick nixon i i have a bunch of these pun ones uh a crab named little claws x oh excellent uh i had a hippo named emily thickinson a duck that you would dress up like a vampire and call it count quackula perfect a woodpecker named david peckham a cat named meow ming and uh this last one kind of an inside joke but i would i would name a poodle shane torres senior perfect perfect because we needed to shout

out shane absolutely yeah you have to always shout out Shane. Absolutely. You have to. Always. Shout out to Shane Torres. Buy his album. 9.2 on Pitchfork. We want to hear yours. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. AllFantasyPodcast at gmail.com. Shout out to the AFE Patreon.

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