All Fantasy Everything - Nepotism (w/ Julian McCullough, Sean O'Connor, and Kara Klenk)
Episode Date: March 7, 2019It's not what you know, it's who you know, unless WHAT you know, is that your dad is the President of Disney or whatever. With Sean and David on the road, King Karms welcomes comedians Kara K...lenk, Sean O'Connor and Julian McCullough into the studio to draft Nepotism. Episode Guests:Kara Klenk @karaklenk IG: @karaklenkSean O'Connor @seanoconnz IG: @seanoconnzJulian McCullough @julezmac IG: @julianmcculloughSupport the show! Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes. Check it all out at www.patreon.com/AllFantasy.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Decide the winner on the All Fantasy Everything Twitter poll @AllFantasyPodMerch! T-Shirts! Sweaters! Stickers! Mugs! Deck yourself out in some goods at www.teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media: Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Show Email: allfantasypodcast@gmail.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is a HeadGum Podcast.
Welcome to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything,
the podcast that is finally back in the studio after it feels like a three to four year hiatus.
Marissa, when was the last time we were back in here?
I don't know, maybe a month ago?
It was like a month ago, says Marissa.
She's not on the mic.
That was 2017.
It was 2017.
We are recording this much in advance.
We're actually recording this before the first episode we ever did, which you were also on.
Yes, I was on the pilot.
It's good to be back.
I hope to be on many more episodes.
I think you might be on several times between now and then.
Is it going to get picked up?
We got our fingers crossed.
We got our fingers crossed.
We've done about 115 pilot episodes so far.
And then we're hoping HeadGum picks us up at some point.
I am Sean Jordan O'Connor.
Yeah, Sean Jordan O'Connor.
Oh, Ollie Kickflip.
Sean Jordan Mellon O'Connor.
Yeah.
Then, of course, there's Sean O'Connor.
Hey.
Sean O'Connor's on Twitter.
Hell yeah.
And what is it on Instagram again?
Sean O'Connor's.
Sean O'Connor's. Oh, all media. Sean O'Connor's. Letterbox Hell yeah. And what is it on Instagram again? Sean O'Khan's. Sean O'Khan's.
Oh, all media.
Sean O'Khan's.
Letterboxd.
It's a cross-platform.
On there.
Never used it to get hired.
Look it up.
Pinterest.
Yeah, Pinterest.
Etsy.
Etsy for sure.
Buy my nipple dollies.
Doilies.
Doilies.
Okay, okay.
Like a nipple doll to move nipples around your chest.
To move my nipples around my chest.
That's how Hollywood I am, babe.
Yeah.
Oh, you got to have mobile nipples in 2019.
Cole Sprouse?
Dylan Sprouse?
They're fucking fully mobile nippled.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes they're just in his belly button if you've seen Riverdale.
They're cold.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Man, R.I.P.
Luke Perry.
Yeah, I was just going to say, speaking of Riverdale.
I assume two years from now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Assume two years.
He'll probably die at that point.
I did not see that.
I did not see Luke Perry coming or going, as it were.
At all.
It was him.
No one did.
Who would have seen that?
It's a massive stroke.
Him today.
That's a good point.
Luke, who sees that and goes, what are you going to do?
But it was.
You know what?
He did look unhealthy.
Luke Perry and the guy from Prodigy died on the same day.
The same day.
Who's going to be the third?
Who would be?
Who is that class of celebrity?
It feels the 90s.
What did he die of?
A block rockin' beat?
A bitch smacked him up. A bitch smacked him up. I thought it was a block rock beat a bitch smacked him up i thought it was gonna be a block rocking beat it finally hit wait is that prodigy i don't know back with a block rocking beat that's uh
chemical brothers okay yeah prodigy was fire starter smack my bitch yeah right cool haircut
i was so into prodigy when I was of age.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I remember listening to them for the first time when I was 11.
I was like, I wish I knew what ecstasy was.
Yeah.
I need it now.
It seems awful.
And I want it.
Remember the Smack My Bitch Up video?
They subverted expectations because it was all a point of view of this person doing drugs
and having sex and getting into fights.
And at the end, it was a woman.
Oh.
I did not get that from that song.
Yeah.
It was a woman.
It's why Prodigy got a Presidential Freedom Award from Bill Clinton.
That was called Nanette.
Hannah Gadsby in L.A. right now.
Oh, yeah.
Working out the new show.
Over at the old Dynasty Typewriter, right?
Trimming all the jokes.
There were jokes.
There were jokes.
I'll go down.
I'm not strenuous here.
Do you watch?
No, I haven't seen it.
I haven't seen it yet.
But in Nanette, there were like eight jokes up front.
Yeah, there were jokes in Nanette.
There were jokes.
It was a very good one-woman show. I'm a strident Nanette defender. Oh, my God. But I still love the jokes. Yeah, there were jokes in Nanette. There were jokes. It was a very good one-woman joke. I'm
a strident Nanette defender.
But I still love the jokes. I'm here for every joke.
I have four stab wounds on my body
from defending Nanette at the comedy
store. At the comedy
store. I walk in, I see
Joe Rogan on stage
and I'm like, Nanette was great!
You wear all your Nanette merch.
Yeah.
I wear just like a velvet jacket.
I had no problem with that special.
I didn't either.
I was like, wait, why is everybody mad?
I really didn't think it would become as big of a,
I just thought it was,
I didn't think it was worth the fighting on either side.
It was more one woman showy
than your typical standup special.
That makes me so mad.
Sandler's last special wasn't like a typical special, and I thought that was awesome.
Nobody's doing typical specials anymore.
You can't do typical specials anymore.
They're boring, and no one watches them.
Oh, shit.
I just put out my special, typical special.
Oh, you fucked up.
Oh, wait.
But is that an angle?
No, it's like straight up a typical special.
Oh, no. It really is. There's No, it's like straight up a typical special. It really is.
There's a brick wall that he's standing in front of.
I wear a black leather outfit.
He's got new balances he keeps showing with his jeans going like,
oh, what am I, a high-powered business guy?
It actually sounds pretty good, though, actually.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, also, I don't know.
If the prodigy guy, did he take his own life?
I think he did. Oh, sorry about Did he take his own life I think he did
Oh sorry about the jokes earlier
Yeah I think he did
Sorry about the jokes earlier
That's why you never ask
You never ask
How someone died
You never ask
Luke Perry though
A stroke
He's young
He's like 50 right
I didn't see him coming
52
52 years old
That's young
He's on Riverdale right now
I know
They were still filming
Not anymore
He's not on
He's no longer on Riverdale With this hei know. They were still filming. Not anymore. He's not on it.
He's no longer on Riverdale.
With this heiress,
he will no longer be on Riverdale. They've suspended production,
I read today.
This might be a bit morbid,
but as soon as I read the news,
I emailed my agent.
I was like,
I'm perfect to play Archie's dad.
No, you know who's going to do it.
I don't know if they're recasting.
I don't know.
Do you know who they've recasted?
They've already,
Jussie Smollett.
No.
Good guess.
Topical.
If he's topical now.
It's got to be true because he's the one that made the announcement.
He said he was putting it out himself.
All topical everything.
That's the new podcast.
We don't even draft anything.
We're just going over the news.
We're like Mort Saul.
We just come out here with a newspaper and whatever the headlines are, we put it on two cents.
By all accounts, the cast said he was a sweetheart and a wonderful guy so it's not drugs or anything it must i mean apparently all he would ever eat was
steak tartar apparently no oh my brother but i don't know what else gives you a stroke because
i'm doing that now my brother is in his residency for neurology and he says that the most the thing
that causes the most like young strokes that he sees is CrossFit.
Really?
And I'm not saying that Luke Perry was a CrossFit person,
but my brother was like, the patients that I see that are in their 30s and 40s
having strokes when they shouldn't be, it's because of CrossFit.
Lifting too much weight.
You know how super excited I was that you said it was exercise?
Yeah.
That did a lot.
I didn't do something.
That is awesome.
I just want to let everyone know who's listening,
when I have a stroke, which I will,
it wasn't CrossFit.
I thought you were going to say something
that was going to break my heart,
like, the number one cause is vintage T-shirts.
It's like being fat and getting mad on Twitter.
It's Twitter, yeah.
Well, RIP to two true kings who left us too soon.
I mean, two pimps.
Yeah.
They're hanging out with St. Peter tonight.
Heaven just got a lot cooler.
Yeah.
I didn't know this was such a religious podcast.
It just gained two more Mohawks, but they're all in one of the guy's heads.
That's the fun part of it.
Sean, what do you got coming up?
Where can people come see what you're doing?
Is the podcast over?
No, we do plugs up front
so people don't tune out.
Oh, that's smart.
You gotta crack the crab if you want the meat, baby.
Julian McCullough,
right? I'm saying that right?
Julian McCullough and I have a podcast saying that right? Yes, correct. Julian McCullough. And I have a podcast coming
out on Comic Central Podcasts in
April. Oh, that's beautiful. And we're not
allowed to talk about what it's about or say the
name, but we do have it and it
will be out. It's a mind-amending after show.
Here's a fun game. Why don't you listen
to this episode? If you're already listening,
keep listening. Keep listening. And see if you can
find out what we have in common
that the show might be
about. Besides future strokes.
It's about being a handsome boy.
It's about being a very handsome boy with fun ideas.
Okay. Is that what it's about?
Okay, fine. It's called Bad Posture with Truly
Good Chances.
We record it
at a dine-in Arby's.
Our balls both
hang down to our knees.
It's called long balls.
But the poster is us taking golf swings.
Back-to-back jacks.
But yeah, we're excited.
We get to work together.
Well, that's wonderful.
So keep a lookout on.
May to April is all we know.
It's going to be great, though.
That's very exciting.
What else do they have on there?
They don't got much, right?
They got Anthony Jeselnik.
Yeah.
Right?
And that's it.
Yeah.
After you listen to every episode.
It's about time they had two ladies.
Yeah.
After you listen to every episode of All Fantasy, everything.
They're bringing you guys in.
They're bringing you in.
Yeah.
Yes.
Listen to every episode of All Fantasy.
Of AFV and then everything on HeadGum.
And then after that.
Yeah.
Come over to Comedy Central.
We're new.
We're young. We're young.
We're corporate.
Yeah.
It's good to be corporate.
It's good to be corporate.
Oh my God.
I have to wear a tie to do the podcast.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
I don't have anything funny, man.
I wish I did though.
Me neither.
I wish I did.
What is the next big show for that?
Because it was Workaholics, then corporate is the next one.
Well, the other two is really good.
HR department.
Like what are they
oh yeah the other two oh it keeps getting more yeah the other two is great i really like the
other two and it got a second season oh i didn't even know that was on comedy central yeah it's
like they paired it with broad city because broad city's on its way out right yeah i gotta watch
that by that david spade show you know yeah that's the big one that is the big one that's the big one
oh it's gonna be huge he could have been david. That's the big one. Oh, it's going to be huge.
He could have been, David Spade's name is so similar to James Spader, and he could have played James Spader in every movie that James Spader was in in the 80s.
They could have.
It's so weird.
Yeah.
There's something about that name that makes you an aloof dick.
Well, David is Spade, but James is Spader, and that's why he got it.
That's why he got the role.
He's just a little bit. Just a little bit more.
And they were like, can you just give it a little more?
And he was like, I gave it everything I had.
I think I can help you guys out.
It creeped everyone out just a little bit more.
I'm even spader.
Cara Clank in the studio.
Hello.
At Cara Clank on Twitter.
Playing the role of David Borey today.
Yo.
You have to say yo real loud like perfect absolutely uh there's a k on kara and a k on clank it's k's everywhere baby
as far as i can see here with those c's what's your middle name katherine no it's no it's rachel
okay everybody asked me that um yeah kara clank everywhere Instagram Twitter LinkedIn the whole jam
just Cara Clank though
not Cara Clank everywhere
not Cara Clank everywhere
not Cara Clank everywhere
that makes me sound like
a travel host
that does sound like
it does like
like I'm a mogul
yeah exactly
it's Cara Clank worldwide
yeah
yeah yeah
I'm a ditty basically
yeah
what do you got coming up
where can people see you
I got a couple things
I got I couple things I got
I have my first album
is dropping on Friday
yes
I don't know when this episode
comes out
but it comes out
Thursday
it's perfect
you guys can preorder it
right now
that helps me on Friday
to be on the iTunes charts
for like a day
until Jim Gaffigan's albums
take over again
absolutely
every
it's always him
and then Little Dicky
was on the charts
when I put my album out
and I was like,
well, fuck.
Yeah, you guys have to have
some crossover.
Right, yeah.
Me and Little Dicky,
it's all about the same stuff.
Yeah.
Like we're Jewish,
we like weed,
we're friends with Snoop Dogg.
It's a lot of the same, yeah.
Yeah, no,
you are kind of
Big Dicky.
Yeah.
Big Carhartt,
Little Dicky.
So what's your album called?
The album's called Undefeated.
Beautiful.
And it's available for pre-order on iTunes, and it drops on March 8th.
Please, guys, support me.
I'm having a baby in April, and I need the money.
Do it.
Which is also why Jim Gaffigan puts out so many albums.
That's true, right?
He's got a fuck ton of kids.
This is the last pre-baby material.
Yeah.
Buy it up.
The next album, probably going to have a couple baby jokes on it.
Yeah, I've been defeated.
Yeah.
Literally, the joke is a tag.
The name of the album is a tag of one of my jokes where I talk about how I've never been pregnant,
and I'm like, I'm undefeated.
Ironically, it took so long to come out that I am now fully almost at a gestational climax.
It literally takes less time to make a human than an album.
You finally met your butt.
Yeah, the artwork took a long time.
Jared is your Buster Douglas.
Hell yeah.
Because he busted her Douglas?
No, because he beat Mike Tyson.
Is that dirty?
Is that too dirty?
Am I being dirty?
Am I crossing a line here?
Douglas is the name of Nana Gadsby's new album, too.
Really?
This is full fucking circle.
Is that true?
Yeah, it's called Douglas, her new special.
Why?
I don't know.
Because she fought Buster Douglas.
That's crazy.
She's who Buster Douglas fought next.
And then she beat him. And then she beat
him.
And then she beat
him.
Also, I mean,
she would be so
funny if she wore
a Seinfeld outfit.
She would be so
great.
White shoes and
a button down
shirt and a
blazer.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
And she just did
jokes.
Just like straight
up.
Like, here you go, motherfuckers. That'd be great. Spaghetti, it God. Yeah. And she just did jokes. Yeah. Just like straight up observational humor.
Yeah.
That'd be great.
Oh, spaghetti.
It all sticks together.
How many is one spaghetti?
I don't know.
Is that a thing?
Yeah.
Actually, Marissa, please delete that because that's gold.
One of us can use that.
Maybe we could do custody.
If You Build It.
Yeah.
If You Build It is a show I run in New York.
It's a sporadic show in L build it. Yeah. If you build it as a show, I run in New York. Uh, it's, it's a sporadic show in LA.
Now I have a show at Bar Lubitsch in West Hollywood called better half comedy
that I run with my husband,
Jared Logan,
who you guys all know.
And,
uh,
yeah,
that's it.
That's all I got going on.
That's fantastic.
So check out the,
check out the album is undefeated.
Yes.
You can preorder it now and you don't have to wait long cause it'll be out.
It'll be out the next day.
It'll be out midnight tonight.
So go get it right now. Julian McCullough
in the studio for the first time.
Hello. Hell yeah, man. What's up? How are you?
I'm pretty good. I've been having fun so far.
I can't believe we still get to do this. I know.
I thought it would be over by now.
The podcast? Yes. There's still
about two hours left. Oh my god.
That's a wild one. That's what we forgot
to tell you. Hey, barn.
It's a real crock pot of a listen.
It's Jules Mac on Twitter?
Jules Mac.
I've explained this elsewhere.
I joined Twitter at Sean's Behest in 2008.
Oh, yeah.
And his was Sean O'Khan's with a Z, so I thought we were all doing that.
Yeah.
Now he's in there?
He's a frigging biter.
And then I made a Jules Mac and realized no one is doing that.
It was just the two of you.
Just us two.
Is that what the podcast was about?
Yeah, by the way, did not catch on.
There was a month where Julian was going up on stage as Jules McCullough,
and it did not.
I don't remember that.
You don't remember going up as Jules McCullough?
Are you joking?
I am.
Thank God
because I was like
I wasn't that drunk.
Yeah, I feel like Jules
pulls sleeves up on shirts
they shouldn't have
their sleeves pulled up.
Oh, yeah.
So does Julian.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, well that's a crossover.
Sometimes they don't
come down over all
the mounds of,
you know, nothing.
The biceps.
Yeah, at Jules Mac.
Julia McCullough on Instagram.
It's my full name.
I fixed it for Instagram.
That's perfect.
Yeah, I'm not Cara Clank everywhere.
I'm Jules Mac.
Here, I'm Julia McCullough over there.
Julia McCullough over there.
It's a little bit of a different experience.
Yeah.
It's a little more formal over on Instagram.
And Pinterest, I still don't know how to, I forgot my password.
You got to get on there, man.
I know.
You got to get on there.
It's a real good place to go.
Twitter's kind of like Puntrist.
It's like just fucking puns.
I wish it was Puntrist.
It used to be.
Yeah.
It used to be.
Now it's Punditrist.
Yeah, there we go.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I kept one in the chamber.
I always keep one in the chamber.
I don't let it use them all awake.
I have a tour date.
I have one tour date.
Please tell the people.
April 18 to 20, I'll be at a comics in Mohegan Sun Casino in Connecticut.
Oh, there you are.
That's beautiful.
My home state.
It's a great casino.
And that's the same month that my podcast with Sean comes out.
That's not named.
Synergy.
It has a name.
We can't save any.
Yes, it's true.
It's very weird that they put a gag order on it.
But I guess they know the best time to announce it.
To announce it.
To build the hype.
They want it to pop.
Oh, yeah. It's got to pop. It's got to pop. It's wanted to to pop oh yeah you gotta pop
it's gotta pop
you're gonna be a pop cast
isn't there a channel now
what
pop
yep
Greek is on pop
oh okay
yeah pop
I was like why do I know that
pop is the old
TV guide channel I think
for real
yeah
and now they do
actual programming
they have original programming
they have that
and a Pac-1 show
about PR
Pac on Flack it's called Flack we ever see it we always see the commercial we're like Pac on Flack actual programming. They have original programming. They have that and a Pac-1 show about PR. Pac-on-Flack.
It's called Flack.
Black-on-Pack.
We always see the commercial
and we're like,
Pac-on-Flack.
And it's this,
it's cheap.
That sounds like
a Dr. Seuss book.
It's bad.
It looks bad.
I don't know.
Maybe it's good.
Pac-on-Flack is very whack.
It looks whack.
I will say at the TCA's,
I read this online.
Yeah.
Industry.
Industry talk.
This is kind of industry.
Not in a book.
But the person who runs Pop but the person who runs pop
the person who runs pop
said flack
is pop's
breaking bad
whoa
okay
damn
that's the
appropriate response
yeah
does that mean
I'll catch up on it
in six years
yeah
I can seriously
doubt it
based off the commercials
but okay
I was watching that 2000s documentary on Netflix.
CMN 180s, 92.
And so I saw this little snippet where Vince Gilligan is talking about Breaking Bad.
And he's like, I don't know, man.
I was like turning 40.
I didn't know what I was going to do.
I had this dumb idea.
I was lost.
I was adrift.
And I'm like, I'm 40.
And I don't have Breaking Bad in my back pocketrift. And I'm like, I'm 40. Oh no.
And I don't have
Breaking Bad
in my back pocket.
He's acting like
he was like,
destitute.
My dumb idea
is the lid of a salsa jar
that turns into a salsa bowl
and his is one of the
greatest shows of all time.
Yeah,
I mean,
but that's the thing.
But the money's the same.
We all have a Breaking Bad
in us.
And some of them
are TV shows
and other things
are like, I want Legos that are made of cookies.
Yeah.
And then you can eat them.
That's a great idea.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
I would settle even for like a fondant or a marzipan Lego.
Yeah.
I just want to be able to eat the Legos.
Edible Legos.
Yeah.
So then you could say, Eggo my Legos.
Yeah, finally.
And you could confuse kids even more.
More kids will be eating plastic Legos.
And that's how we solve the overpopulation crisis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then all of a sudden, it's fine to eat whale.
Which is the goal we all have.
I have been waiting for someone to just say, it is okay to eat whale.
I'm first in line.
We've been saving whales my whole life.
Ever since I came out of the womb.
Save the whale. Save the whale. Save the whales. You know, people in the 1800s've been saving whales my whole life. Ever since I came out of the womb, save the whales, save the whales, save the whales.
You know, people in the 1800s got to eat whale whenever they want.
Meanwhile, I've never had whale or even had it offered.
Well, I don't know if it's whenever they want.
Also, they had to go get the whale themselves.
I'll go get a whale.
I'll get a whale.
Go get a ship with a bunch of my friends to kill a killer whale.
Have you ever seen paintings of whale hunting from the 1800s?
It's the most terrifying looking thing.
They're out on like a fucking kayak with spears.
And they're like, let's get this whale.
I'm like, I would rather, I don't know.
And then they'll harpoon it and then get dragged behind the whale.
Now it's mad.
Which is fun.
Now it's just mad.
It's like a little bit of a jet skiing adventure.
And then once you get it, I know you got to cut it up, but I just want to take a bite of the skin.
Yeah.
That's all I want.
Wait, can't you eat it in Iceland?
Don't they eat it in Iceland?
Maybe you can eat it in Iceland.
And it's supposed to be very like.
Delicious.
It's all fat.
Like tough and yeah, I don't know.
I heard, I know puffin you can eat in Iceland.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's too cute to eat.
You want to eat a cute little penguin?
Yeah. Get to Iceland? They show you You want to eat a cute little penguin? Yeah.
Get to Iceland?
They show you a YouTube video of the puffin running around.
Oh, just getting into adventures?
Sean, what kind of fucked up stuff are you watching?
You know, Bork videos?
Oh, that's like a-
Enter the dark.
That's like in Tokyo.
They got the Red Panda Cafe where you get to-
You just go eat a red panda?
It's called Sad Panda.
Yeah, it's sad.
Oh, God, I forgot.
So, happy panda, that's not a chain anywhere, right?
No.
Okay, growing up in Beaverton, Oregon, there was Panda Express, which is everywhere, and
then there was a place called Happy Panda, which was just a local Chinese place, and
I've always confused the two.
So, a joke I thought I was making that had broad appeal is going to appeal to maybe my
mom.
Who's actually my mom.
But honestly, when I hear happy panda, unfortunately, I do think Chinese food.
Yeah, yeah.
So I get it.
You get it.
I was thinking massage parlor wink wink.
Oh, Robert Kraft's situation.
Oh, yeah.
Who hasn't, at the end of the massage, got a happy panda?
That is a cute name for a handjob.
I guess you could say
happy hand-a.
Happy hand-a.
Oh, all right.
See?
I feel like the cops
would put that together.
I don't know.
They're talking to
someone about a code bus.
So go see your
Mahegan son in Connecticut
on, when was that?
April 18th at 20.
April 18th at 20.
And listen to our
Untitled podcast in April.
Yeah, find it on channel, we don't know, at time and date. No, we can say at 20. April 18th at 20. And listen to our untitled podcast in April.
Yeah, find it on channel we don't know
at time and date
No, we can say
the channel.
No, no, no,
Comedy Central,
but TBD.
420, when you're
a Mohegan Sun,
Sean and I
are going to be
at Florida State University.
We're on the football team
this year.
Yeah, we're on the football team.
We start our early workouts.
Wow.
It's going to be pretty fun.
It's going to be fun.
Are you going to share a uniform
and be an offensive lineman? We're all thinking. That's the plan. It's going to be pretty fun. It's going to be fun. Are you going to share a uniform and be an offensive lineman?
We're all thinking.
That's the plan.
That's the best case scenario.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's that or just a series of misadventures until we get caught in the coach's office
stealing plays.
You know?
Yeah.
That's great.
The possibilities are endless.
I am excited to see how Tallahassee, Florida reacts to our comedic stylings.
I know.
I'm really excited to do a 30 minute q a after the show wait it's you two doing stand-up and then a 30 minute q a oh
my god that's amazing i hope people have questions about the ted gondi documentary this is a sean
this is a genuine question i'm not fucking with you can you remember your jokes oh hell yeah okay
oh i've been writing non-stop oh you're doing new stuff oh hell yeah for florida state my old stuff ain't gonna
play i gotta dumb it down or smarten it up i'm not sure one or the other i don't know what kind
of kids go there yeah it's gonna be kids though right i think so i do know mia khalifa went there
oh nice yeah the porn star porn star porn star. Did she use her degree?
Oh, she's out of the game?
No, she is now, I think, a sports-
Sports commentator.
Yeah, a sports commentator now.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
That's how I know her.
A crossover.
I'm just a huge fan of her commentary on sports.
Yeah.
Enough athletes slid into her DMs that she just sort of slid into their industry.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's how I would start the press release.
That's pretty good.
Thank you very much. That's a real Cinderella story from the porn industry. Yeah. Wow. That's how I would start the press release. That's pretty good. Thank you very much.
That's a real Cinderella story
from the porn world.
Yeah.
Not that there's anything
wrong with sex work.
Don't at me.
Unless it's to say
great album.
Really enjoyed it.
You know?
But none of the porn stuff,
thank you.
I'm Ian Carmel
at Ian Carmel
across platform.
Ian Carmel on Twitter.
Ian Carmel on Instagram. Ian Carmel on Twitter. Ian Carmel on Instagram.
Ian Carmel on Jewish lift.
Rideshare program.
Congratulations on the IPO.
This is also now a big like financial podcast, by the way.
We're going to talk about stocks.
Is there another Ian Carmel?
No, no.
There is an Annabelle Carmel who is a health food cookbook author.
And we're not related to her at all.
Because my grandfather changed our name
from Katz to Carmel.
Interesting.
Oh, at Ellis Island or something?
Well, there's two.
Like, his name was very Jewish.
His name was Solomon Katz
and he changed it to George Carmel.
But also his...
It just sounds sweeter.
It just sounds better, baby.
It also sounds nothing like Solomon Katz.
Uh-oh, so far away.
But also... You sure he wasn't on the run for murder?
Well, his dad, he might have been.
But his dad, so Solomon Katz's dad,
deserted him and his mother in Paris when the Nazis invaded.
So he didn't want anything to do with the name.
That was one of the stories in the goddamn, the Matt Weiner one.
What's that show called?
Romanoff's.
The Romanoff's.
That's a plot line.
No shit.
Yes. They fucking stole it.
That didn't happen to any other Jews.
Wait, your grandfather was abandoned by his family?
So my grandfather, his dad, so my great-grandfather abandoned my grandfather.
And so is my great-grandma, my grandfather, and his brother, and their dad took off.
And then the three of them stayed in Paris for the entire occupation.
Whoa.
Yeah.
So he was like.
In Romanoff's, the dude goes to the States.
He makes it.
Starts a new family.
Left his old family to fend for themselves with the Nazis.
Holy shit.
Save it for our Romanoff's podcast.
Oh.
We don't have a Romanoff's podcast.
Romanoff.
It's called Beef Romanoff.
It's the two of you and Jim Rome.
Rome on Rome.
But you spell Romanoffs with a Z.
What do I got coming up?
If you're listening to this, tomorrow is the beginning of what I'm calling all festival everything
in Portland, Oregon.
There are still tickets
as of right now
for the early stand-up show
at Revolution Hall.
I have no idea
if there will be
for the later one,
but yeah,
two live AFEs.
We have amazing guests
lined up,
two stand-up shows
with other amazing guests
who are going to be on it
other than me.
Marissa is going to be there.
Shout out to super producer Marissa in the studio.
She's off mic.
She's off mic and off the leash, too.
What does that mean?
I have no idea.
Is she usually on a leash over there?
Well, she's usually unleashed.
Unleashed.
Byron Allen does the podcast before this one.
And he makes sure everyone's on.
Byron Allen owns the Weather Channel.
He does.
See?
No, he doesn't.
He really does.
He bought it last year for like $250 million.
So now he controls the weather.
Oh my God.
He's not a Jew.
No, he's not.
I know.
Fucking, we're losing, you know,
anti-Semitism is rearing its ugly head again.
This is what worries me about doing a podcast with Julian.
He says things like that sometimes.
Well, it's right there in his name, Julian.
He's allowed to say it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you know, I'm making fun of the people that think Jews control the weather.
I don't think Jews control the weather.
Exactly.
And that's why Sean keeps thinking that I'm not aware of that.
I'm like, stop saying the truth.
Stop making fun of me and my beliefs.
Don't put a blizzard in your living room.
They're getting closer. It snowed in LA
last week. I love that people
think Jews... Wait, that was a real thing, right?
It snowed in LA, yeah. Two weeks
ago. It snowed... Yeah,
it hailed a little bit also and like
there was some sleety snow.
In Highland Park they were like... Yeah, Highland Park and Eagle Rock
and yeah. So that's my argument.
What motive would the Jews possibly have to make it snow in LA?
Maybe we've invested in hot cocoa recently.
I've never heard that Jews control the weather.
You've never heard that one?
Oh, it's like a flat earth thing though.
It's like a wild conspiracy.
Yeah, I've heard lizards.
Yeah.
Well, you haven't heard all of the conspiracy theories. Every night I've heard lizards. Yeah. Well, you haven't heard all of the conspiracy theories.
Every night I fall asleep
to conspiracy.org.
I read an interesting one
last night about how
Lady Gaga is
JonBenét Ramsey.
Oh.
Oh, but there's one
that Katy Perry
is JonBenét.
Yeah.
Wow.
Which, honestly,
if you do a side-by-side pick,
it's...
See, with Lady Gaga
and JonBenét, nothing alike.
There's no resemblance.
No resemblance.
Her name is Stephanie Germanotta.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just not...
R.I.P. the guy from Prodigy.
R.I.P. Luke Perry and R.I.P. JonBenet Ramsey.
There we go.
That's our three.
It's never too late.
That's the three.
That was one of my...
Remember, another dead guy who I loved, Kevin Meaney.
Oh, yeah.
For real.
When he was doing his original hour that he did for, I don't know, 20 years, it was wall
to wall.
I mean, just laugh.
It was so perfect.
He was so funny.
He was so funny.
And he had one joke that he always did that that got the least amount of laughs but it never
didn't do it what joke is it he'd say uh i i'd tell people that we were expecting and they'd say
what are you gonna name the child and i'd say jean benet and i don't know if it was just for him
but like his act would just be applause break after applause break and then people would be like, why would you just do that? I don't care.
I don't care.
I haven't settled on a name yet. He's doing the whole
song.
JonBenet Logan.
That actually
sounds like Wolverine's
like... It's not like Cajun Wolverine.
Yeah.
Oh, JonBenet Logan.
Oh, cha. Oh, sneaky
snitch. I don't Oh, Jean-Bernard Logan. Oh, cha. Oh, sneaky, sneaky.
I don't do accents.
That's kind of a perfect Asian accent.
Was that in the world?
Oh, it was.
That was good.
That was as good as, what's his name from SNL?
I can't remember his name.
The judge in that sketch.
What's his name?
Save for our podcast where we try to remember people.
We try to remember stuff.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. what's his name save for our podcast where we try to remember people who are on us oh yeah I thought of a sketch idea
which is
I almost remember Jeopardy
where
where you answer
it's like
you know
he was
you know
oh where they get like
from the movie
from the movie
with the monkey
yeah he's in it with a monkey
and the monkey's in the hotel
and he checks into the hotel but he's the guy he's not the with a monkey and the monkey's in the hotel and he chucks into the hotel
but he's the guy
he's not the monkey
correct
yeah exactly
that's a great
that's a great idea
because it ends
in question
oh you
perfect
I didn't get to do
my Breaking Bad
oh yeah
it's Shazam
but it's wrong
the way that you're
arguing for in the bar
when you get into
a fight about it
so if you're like
this is actually
Journey and they're like this isn't fucking Journey this is REO Speedw So if you're like, this is actually Journey, and they're like, this isn't fucking Journey,
this is REO Speedwagon.
And you're like, boop, boop.
And then it's like, Journey.
And you're like, yeah!
But it's not.
It's lying for you.
So wait, it's an ad that will get you into a bar fight with someone you were already
going to get into a bar fight with?
No, it proves you right when you're wrong.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It thinks the way you do.
It's like an argument wingman app.
Yes.
The app understands that you downloaded a bunch of songs that were labeled as Journey
when Napster was around.
Oh, my God.
Even though they're REO Speedwagon, you think they're Journey?
You know that Gin and Juice cover that's like, you know, kind of bluegrass-y?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was like mislabeled all over Napster.
Like, who really sings that?
The Goatmen?
The Mountain Men or something like that?
Mountain Goats?
Mountain Goats.
It's not the Mountain Goats.
No, somebody.
But it was like mislabeled all over Napster.
It was like OAR.
It was Green Day.
Yeah, it was like everybody.
When Green Day went banjo.
I used to have a pop punk cover of Holiday Road and it was labeled to Limp Bizkit.
I'm like, it's pop punk.
This is not Limp Bizkit.
I've never been able to find out who it is.
I went to a Me First in the Gimme Gimme show back in December.
Beautiful time.
2018? 2018, so two years from now.
Two years from now.
Two years in the future.
It was awesome? It was amazing.
Were you like, man, I need a bathroom, and you ran in
and it was a Me First in the Gimme Gimme concert? need a bathroom, and you ran in, and it was the first time they
gave me a concert?
No, no, no.
I bought tickets to it.
It was packed.
It was packed.
Did you skank?
I skanked.
Oh, wow.
Oh, yeah.
I said, pick it up a lot.
They're covers only, right?
Yeah.
Only covers.
Yeah.
It's their holiday ball.
And it's like all fun songs, too.
It was amazing.
Oh, that band only does covers?
Only Pop Hunt covers.
Oh, I didn't know that.
It's kind of like the best wedding band.
It exactly is, yeah.
Or my worst nightmare.
It could be your worst nightmare.
It's one or the other.
They cover both bases.
They can do either one.
I was hammered.
It was perfect.
That's great.
We're not gathered here to extol the virtues or drag through the mud, me versus the Gimme
Gimmes.
We are here in beautiful HeadGum Studios, just a short jaunt from Skid Row.
Just a hop, skip, and a jump from Skid Row.
Just a dog leg left?
Just a dog leg left.
A hop, skip, and a Gatorade bottle full of urine away from Skid Row.
I saw Zac Efron on my way here.
Absolutely.
He's down there.
What's he doing?
I don't know.
Probably charity.
Research.
He's doing research.
Speaking of Ted Bundy, he's going to play Ted Bundy.
He's going to play Ted Bundy.
I don't know if I'm okay.
He already did.
Yeah, he already did. It's done. It hasn't come out.
Doesn't he have a long title?
Yeah, it's like extremely
vile and incredibly close, but not
the Tom Hanks movie. It's like
what the judge said to him, I think, when he
was sentencing him. The
judge that was having too much fun at a
serial killing murder case.
He was like, oh, I tell
you, I tell you, Mr.
Bundy. Oh, the
poor decorum you brought into my courtroom.
Cut to the night before when the judge is
crumpling up paper after paper, trying to write
the perfect line.
Writing by candlelight.
I sentence you guilty to being a
charming, handsome mess of a man
who I enjoy spending time with every day?
Well, that's not it.
You want to flatter him, but that seems insensitive to the victim.
Damn it, Ronnie.
You're getting in your own head.
You haven't been this flustered since prom.
We are gathered here to download Beneficiaries of Nepotism.
Yes.
The Beneficiaries of Nepotism.
That sounds like a metal band that's not that good.
They ain't definitely open for Temple of the Dog.
Dave Halford.
And so the way we determine the order of the draft is with a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors.
Play between the three of you.
And we throw on shoot.
We're doing it right now.
Here we go.
Oh, okay.
Yep.
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
Oh, three.
Wait, wait, wait.
Paper, paper.
And you were rock, right?
Yeah, so I'm definitely out.
Actually, you win.
Why?
That's how you play three-person rock, paper, scissors.
You were the odd person out.
Oh, because you did something we didn't do.
Exactly.
You guys matched up.
So while you lost, just know that you lost, you won.
You lost right.
Our paper wrapped you, but you win.
It's like I'm getting lapped, so I look like I'm in first place,
but I'm actually way last place.
But we're stupid, so we give you the medal.
Whatever the reason, I won.
And because of that, you get to determine
the order of the draft, but before you do that,
I will tell you, it is a serpentine draft.
What is that?
It's a great question.
It's kind of like, uh, I've never
had to explain the serpentine draft like Sean Jordan
before. I know, this is like his job.
Fuck!
Do you want to take a stab at it? I'll try.
Where is Sean Jordan? He's in Portland, Oregon already. Oh, okay. You want to take a stab i'll try okay where is sean jordan he's in portland oregon
already oh okay you want to go see an atmosphere concert oh very cool oh well serpentine draft
yeah is kind of like if you went to an atmosphere concert yeah and your friend went to another
concert and they were they were different times yeah and so you went to the atmosphere concert
first yeah he went to one second yeah but there's a third one, and it's closer to him.
They let out the same time.
He would get there first.
Yes.
Yeah, so it's kind of that, like Serpentine.
Like a snake.
You know how you're at the beginning of a snake?
Atmosphere concert.
You know the rap group Atmosphere?
No.
Now Slug and his DJ?
Wait, you don't-
I've heard that those concerts are awesome.
They're real fun. Sean Jordan
loves them. Basically what it means
is if you go... I did a bad job,
Sean Jordan. You did a real bad job, but Sean
normally does a bad job, so it's perfect.
If you go fourth in the first round, you go first
in the second round. Oh yeah, that's a way easier way to say it.
That's basically it. So with that in mind, what will
the order of today's draft be? I think it
should be Kara, me,
Sean. Perfect, me. Hell yeah, hot corner. Alright, perfect should be Kara, me, Sean. Perfect. Me. Yeah. Hell yeah.
Hot corner. All right. Perfect. So Kara, you have the first pick in the nepotism,
all fantasy, everything. Okay. We're just going to throw to a break real quick. We'll be right back.
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and we're back with that first pick who will you be bestowing good fortune upon? With my first pick, I'm going to take someone that I know personally.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, wow.
Not really.
Okay.
My first pick for nepotism is Allison Williams.
Allison Williams.
Daughter of Brian Williams.
Yes.
Family friends of ours.
I used to babysit her when we were younger.
I was in a web series with her.
Yeah.
Oh, you were?
Yeah. 10 years ago. She played my girlfriend. I was in a web series with her. Yeah. Oh, you were? Yeah.
10 years ago.
She played my girlfriend in 10 episodes of a web series.
I think I remember that, actually.
Because I remember being like, oh, this girl I used to babysit for is like in stuff with
people I know.
And she very much benefited from nepotism because she went right from Yale to being
in Girls.
Yeah.
Like, never, I don't think, ever really had to struggle
except maybe making a web series with Sean O'Connor.
Yeah, that was the struggle.
That was everyone's struggle.
And she did that as a Yale student.
She was still in college once we did it?
Yeah.
How did you, you babysit her?
Yeah, like, she lived in my town,
and my mom and her were kind of friendly,
and she would, I'm only a few years older than her,
but, like, I babysat when I was, like, 11. Right, right, so, like, enough of that gap. Yeah, I'm only a few years older than her, but like, I babysat when I was like 11
because my mom,
so like enough of that gap.
Yeah,
so like I would babysit her
and we would like watch
Disney sing-along songs
like her and her little brother
who's really,
they're both like
really cute kids.
Yeah,
Douglas Williams.
Oh,
another fucking Douglas.
NFL quarterback.
He's the SNY sportscaster
at night.
Yeah,
he's into broadcasting
like his dad.
But the dad would drive me home
and sometimes take me to parties and stuff.
Not like take me to parties as his date.
Like drop me off at parties.
Not like we would party together.
Let me take you to this party. Have you ever met
Wolf Blitzer?
And at the time he was like a local CBS newscaster.
He wasn't even big.
But yeah, she, I always am like, when I would work at MTV, when I was working at MTV in like the, I don't know, early 2010s.
And I was like, I would just walk out of the subway and see this chick I used to babysit for 60 feet tall on a billboard.
That's so surreal.
She's never really had to go and tweet for MTV's account.
I love the idea of hiring an 11-year-old babysitter.
It's like, this is great as long as nothing goes wrong.
You can only do that, I think, in like a safe suburb where it's like, they've got the kids
asleep when you get there and all you do is sit there and like-
It's also, it's fall.
It's like not too hot. It's not too hot.
It's not too cold out.
Yeah.
Nothing can go wrong.
You have the pizza lunchables in the fridge.
You don't have to cook anything.
Yeah.
Food's all raw.
You don't have to do anything.
You also hired an older babysitter.
Yeah.
I think back to it.
I'm like, wow.
Crazy people left me with their kids when I was 11 and 12.
Now that I know 11-year-olds, that is fucking nuts.
It's crazy.
And to have that much responsibility. I mean, you were taking care of
the voice of a generation.
Well, that's Lena Dunham.
That's Lena Dunham. She was friends with the
voice of a generation.
But, I mean, Allison seems
like she's doing really
great now. She was in Get Out.
Get Out? Yeah. She was freaky in that too. Yeah, she was. She was very freaky. She was in Get Out. Get Out? Yeah. She was freaky in that too.
Yeah, she was.
She was very freaky.
She was right though.
She married Ricky Van Veen.
No, what did she do?
She married Ricky Van Veen who founded College Humor.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
They had a wedding that i read about in people
magazine like it was everybody flew into jackson hole wyoming and like didn't know where they were
going they got picked up they got taken away their phones were taken away onto a rocket ship
they got married on the moon on the moon yeah it's good that people are still going buzz aldrin
married them what people don't know
is he actually never left.
He's been up there
like Yoda the whole time.
Oh, I've been waiting for this.
Is America great again?
Lena was the,
what is it called?
The reverend or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, the rabbi.
The rabbi?
She made the whole thing
about her.
What I like to think,
do you remember
the last episode
of Chelsea Lately?
How Buzz Aldrin was there?
Oh, no.
What?
Did you not go to that?
I was supposed to go
and I was out of town.
That's wild.
The last episode
of Chelsea Lately,
they just brought in
as many celebrities
as they could.
Yeah, they really,
it was like so random.
They called it,
Russell Westbrook was there
and like,
well, some other people I can't mention, but like Russell Westbrook was there. And some other people I can't mention.
But Russell Westbrook was there.
Buzz Aldrin was there.
And then also a Kardashian and people in her circle.
Ernest, the guy that Ernest goes to camp.
That dude, he was there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, he's alive.
Yeah, he died like 20 years ago.
He's been dead since Toy Story 1.
Beethoven.
Beethoven.
Is Toy Story 1 your Jesus Christ?
Yeah, that's year one.
That's when the new timeline began.
BTS before Toy Story.
Did you cast Alison Williams in that thing?
I did.
In fact, to go into...
You just found a college student?
To go into nepotism, this is an actual true story.
So the person I wrote and who directed the web series is my friend Ralph.
Yeah.
Who worked at Paradigm Talent Agency.
Yeah.
So his whole thing was he was like, whoever we get to play the lead should be someone famous's daughter.
So we sat down with Alison Williams, Zoe Kravitz, and Cody Horn.
Who's Cody Horn?
She wound up being the lead female on Magic Mike, the first one.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, who's her dad?
Alan Horn, who used to run Disney and Warner Brothers.
Oh, okay.
And they were all Paradigm.
So we went to dinner with all three of them.
And obviously, we were like, Alison seems like she's the one who would say yes to this
Believe it or not did not buy being my girl
But this was back when you were ripped yeah
Like that's the thing I had I used to have this like you know like barbed wire tattoo
Abs for days I had to get rid of it
because I don't want people
to know that I was the guy
from Crazy Horse.
Your arm swallowed it.
Crazy Town.
Crazy Town.
Yeah, the butterfly.
Butterfly.
Yeah, I'm Shifty Shape.
I think that guy died too.
He did.
Heroin.
Oh, really?
The only way to go.
He was the first opioid.
He was the first person to make it.
To die of opioids.
Heroin really is being shot down in your prime.
Shot up in your prime.
Shot up in your prime.
Oh, shit.
Is that too good for too long?
Julian, take it down a bit.
You know, I was in a hotel and like, you know how just stuff will come on the TV? And the movie Something's Gotta Give.
You mean TV?
Yeah, TV.
When you're at home, you'll be maybe more curatorial, but in a hotel on the road, you're just like, whatever happened.
You're like, fuck it, it's me and Mario Lopez all weekend.
Right, exactly.
It's dealer's choice at a hotel.
And that movie Something's Gotta Give, which was like Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson.
One of my favorite movies.
It's a great movie movie but it starts with
the song Butterfly
by Crazy Town
that's hilarious
which is fucking nuts
because the rest of it
that's the Come My Lady
Come Come My Lady song
also the rest of the soundtrack
is like Eartha Kitt
singing French standards
and then it just starts out
with like
Come My Lady
Come Come My Lady
and I was like
what the fuck movie is this
that was definitely
like Nancy Meyers
talking to her kids
and being like,
what is like,
what's hot right now?
They're like,
there's only one thing,
but it's so hot.
That song was fucking nuts
because also at the end
of that song,
we ain't going nowhere.
That bad boys for life.
Yeah.
So at the end of it,
you know,
cause it's all about
like Puff Daddy
and his crew living in like the Hamptons and like disrupting a white neighborhood.
Guess who moves in at the end of it?
Crazy Town.
Because he's now part of the neighborhood.
He's out there in a robe.
And then like this, like these punk rockers move in next door.
Yeah.
And it was fucking Crazy Town.
And then now, you know, they were definitely just renting for a weekend.
Wait, this is an Nancy Meyers movie?
No, no, no.
So this is just the connecting thread here.
It's Crazy Town's Butterfly.
Right.
In the video for Bad Boys for Life, just how much Nancy Meyers believed in Crazy Town.
Yeah.
Puff Daddy was like, they're the Puff Daddy of rock music.
And also in the movie, Jack Nicholson is supposed to be like a hip hop producer.
Oh, yeah.
But not that that's crazy.
A lot of people don't know this.
It's insane.
Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton both said Something's Got to Give was the best movie they were ever in.
That is not a true thing.
It can't be true at all.
I'll Shazam it with my new app.
Oh, God.
Oh.
You got to get the fucking plugs in like that.
See, that's a smart man.
It makes up quotes, too.
Yeah.
Whatever you want it to be, that's what it says it is in an app.
Honestly, this app sounds like it's going to make you unbearable to be around.
Wait, that's how it works.
It records what you just said, and then it says it back with authority.
In like a Siri voice?
That's really good.
Jack Nicholson in 2014 said.
Did say.
Something's got to give was his favorite film experience. Alison Williams, said. Did say. Something's gotta give. It was his favorite film experience.
Alison Williams, fantastic.
Yeah, that's my first pick.
That's a good one.
Julian McCullough,
it's time for your first pick.
Your first pick on AFE ever.
Julian Casablancas.
Ooh, what a good pick.
The singer of the Strokes.
Yeah.
I just yelled so loud.
Who's his father?
Who's his relationship?
His father is...
Casablancas from Casablancas Models. Well, Casablanca's from Casablanca's Models.
Well,
elite model agent.
Yeah,
he owns Elite Models,
yeah.
Now he does.
It was Casablanca's
in the 70s.
Oh,
okay.
Should I use my app?
Well,
I was going by
what it was called,
bitch.
I donated $15 to it
in 2005.
Shit.
It sounds like
you're jealous of my app.
So he was a modeling agency, like a model mogul or something like that?
Yeah, like one of the biggest of-
John Casablanca.
He kind of created the whole idea of supermodels.
Oh, Evangelista and Turlington and all those gals in the 90s.
His own mother, Jeanette Christensen.
So, yeah, I know him and Hammond
Jr. or whatever
the guitarist
Albert Hammond Jr.
right?
yeah
was the father
of the guy
the guitarist
of Albert Hammond Jr.
yeah
and so
it's kind of the strokes
but mainly Julian
because I think
the guitarist guy
is like extremely talented
and I think he's a really good
artist
I think Julian
is extremely talented
because he writes
literally all the songs
yeah and I don't like that band wait but is he not you don't like that who's the I think Julian Casablancas is extremely talented because he writes literally all the songs.
Yeah, and I don't like that band.
Wait, but is he not the – You don't like that?
But isn't the lead singer Fabrizio Moretti or no?
No, he's the drummer.
He's the drummer.
He's the human drum machine.
He's the one I heard of.
They all have amazing names, though.
They do.
Nick Valenzi, Julian Casablancas, Albert Hammond Jr.
They all sound like F1 racers.
And Nikolai Freicher.
Yeah, they do sound like F1 racers.
Wait, does Julian Casablancas have a woman in his life that is-
He's married.
But is it to anyone that is famous?
I don't think so.
I didn't recognize her name.
I don't think I only know about Fabrizio Moretti because he dated Wig and all these other people.
Yeah, Wig, Drew Barrymore.
Yeah, he's dated a lot.
So I thought he was a lead singer for that reason.
I think the rest of them, Albert Hammond Jr. and Nick Valencia, I think they both married these two-girl sisters
that are musicians.
I think Casablanca's married, you guessed it, a model.
A model.
His mom was a model.
His mom was a Danish model.
Amazing live, three perfect albums, The Shrugs Rule.
And Albert Hammond Sr.'s It Never Rains in Southern California is a fucking great song.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
That's him?
That's him.
Oh, wow.
Great song.
Well, also, isn't he the Hammond organ?
Isn't that like the...
No.
Oh, it's a different family?
Yeah.
He's a...
Yeah, he was just like a...
I thought that was their great grandfather.
No, he...
The organ.
He was like a Laurel Canyon, like... Oh, okay. Part of like...l Canyon part of like Crosby, Stills, and Nash, that whole group.
God, that would have been such a fun scene to be a part of.
But the strokes are like the girls of, like they show the girls because they were all nepotisms.
Yes.
The strokes are like that of rock in the early 2000s.
I think that's what happens when you form a band in a Swiss boarding school.
It's really hard to not benefit from nepotism in that setting.
In fact, the opposite of that would be the talking heads who have no nepotism and they met at RISD, which is like the most, like it's amazing that they avoided that.
They were the only kids whose parents weren't like massively influential architects or something like that.
Yeah, they were the only kids whose parents weren't like yeah influential architects yeah uh yeah they were the walk-ons yeah the risdy walk-ons god yeah the strokes are good though i mean i like they're like i think they're easily one of the best fans of the last 20 i do love i
do love is this it i thought it was a great album i went to see the them in dc on a whim i was
walking to class at ruckers and this girl I was seeing at the time was like,
I'm going to see The Strokes in D.C. You want to come?
And I literally dropped my backpack and just got in the car.
Amazing.
And I realized later I didn't have to drop my backpack.
That was dumb.
You could have brought it.
You could have left it in the car.
I went to the show, and they sounded exact.
I mean, drum machine, definitely.
They sounded exact.
It was like you put the CD in.
He doesn't talk in between songs.
No.
They just go into different ones.
He just says the name of the song and they just start playing it.
It's fucking great.
This is not a knock on their songs.
It was the most boring concert I've ever been to in my life.
I've seen the show five times.
I love them.
Really?
It's such a tight show.
They just come out and play.
They don't do any gussing it up and there's
something amazing about a band that has a band that has that many good songs who don't have to
gussy it up they don't have to put any air it's just they're like hit hit hit it just hit hit
that's awesome like there's no fireworks they don't need them they're the strokes he didn't
move they didn't move they don't stand. Fabrizio is such a good drummer.
By the way, and Sean's saying this is fun rock and roll.
Yeah.
So you would like a Bruce Springsteen concert where there's more.
I saw Bruce Springsteen and I didn't like it.
But what Julian likes is not liking things.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's not true.
I like tons of shit.
You like Phil Collins.
I like charismatic front men.
I love Freddie Mercury.
Freddie Mercury is awesome.
David Bowie.
You like Rami Malek.
Congratulations, Rami Malek.
I've never seen the movie.
I had to Google if he was someone famous as kid because nepotism had to have played into it somehow.
Is he not?
I don't think so.
He did grow up in L.A. though.
Christian Slater is his dad, right?
Christian Slater's his mom.
But I do want people to tweet in about that.
Do you prefer cardboard cutouts and the CD playing as a concert,
or do you prefer fun?
We'll put up a secondary poll.
The strokes in or out.
Yeah.
I think what's so amazing about them is that it's so hard for bands to sound
like they do on their album.
They mostly sound far worse.
I think it's great that they are able to do that.
And it just shows how good they are
at their instrument. Fabrizio
Moretti might be the best drummer
ever. He sounds like a fucking
drum machine. His timing is perfect.
That's so hard to do.
I'd rather that than someone having like 40 pieces.
Super loose.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, gong.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, gong.
That is interesting.
I've seen hip hop shows are often like way worse because they sound so much worse than the album.
I think most hip hop artists sound terrible on SNL even.
Yeah.
A studio that has great acoustics.
They've got like a lot of
you know
they've got a lot of perks
but like it just
it sounds bad
it just doesn't translate
that's when like
hip hop is good live
it's like
extra impressive
I think Jay Z's
really good live
I think so too
actually
and sounds the most like
of a rapper
that I've seen
he sounds the most
like he does
on his recordings
like Kanye West
blew me away live
oh my god
he's so good live he was on that recordings. Like Kanye West blew me away live. Oh my God. He's so good live.
He was on that stage.
Does he just stand still and sound just like the album?
He actually does.
He does stand still because he's on a
moving stage.
Oh right.
If you love technical prowess
and don't care about songwriting, you would love
Joe Satriani and John Tesh.
They're both really tight.
Oh, I care about songwriting
because the Strokes have written better songs
than most people over the last 25 years.
Most people.
This is the podcast on Comedy Central.
Not Joe Satriani.
It's the Strokes.
It's the definitive Strokes podcast.
Definitely Joe Satriani.
We're talking music, baby.
LCD Sound System is good live,
who you wouldn't think because the music
is so electronic and precision based.
Yeah.
Hot Chips, great live.
Oh, yeah.
They just mostly stand behind keyboards.
Does somebody come out and wail on an electric guitar for, uh.
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, I'd love to see that.
Okay.
You can go look up their songs.
Uh, Sean O'Connor, it is time for your first pick.
All right.
Sean Cougar Mellon O'Connor.
My first pick is Stella McCartney.
Ooh.
That's a good one.
Because one, she made her own way in a way.
Like Stella McCartney definitely opened doors.
But she could have followed the journey of Jacob Dillon or Dahani Harrison.
But she didn't.
She became a fashion designer. And she's pretty good. Yeah. She's amazing. Yeah. But she didn't. She became a fashion designer
and she's pretty good.
Yeah.
She's amazing.
Yeah.
She's great.
She's like very legit.
Like I know nothing about fashion,
but I know Stella McCartney
does fashion.
Yes.
Yeah.
No, and she's like,
it's good.
It's expensive.
She's like the Rolling Stones
of fashion.
Yeah.
So I'm looking for the metaphor here.
And I think that's how it should, that's how you should use nepotism in a way.
Like, I don't think you should do the same exact thing as your parents.
Don't do the same thing.
And I think we've kind of all followed this in the draft so far.
You're right.
Like, Alison Williams is not a newswoman.
Sure.
The Strokes are the best band instead of doing models.
Yeah.
Instead of modeling. Some of them are still doing models. And then Selma instead of doing models. Yeah. Instead of modeling.
Some of them are still doing models.
And then Sel McCartney, fashion designer.
Yeah.
And Paul McCartney, you know what?
That guy knew how to write a song.
Yeah, he could.
He was a popular little number.
But you ever see how he dresses?
Not good.
Not great.
Not great.
He dresses like my Aunt Pat.
He's frumpy.
He looks like Mary Bird's sister.
I don't think she does any menswear.
No, it doesn't.
Nothing can help.
So she watched her dad, and she was like, you know what?
I'm going down my own road.
And he was like, here's a blank check.
And it all worked out.
Neff, it's just a rule.
She's like, in 30 years when my dad looks like a rich old lady, my clothes are going to be perfect for him.
He does.
He looks like a chubby British bird now.
But yeah, I mean, like, it must, she's definitely winning like the, like, music icon kid.
I think she is in the, I think she is in the front of that line.
Yeah, we gave Jacob Dillon one hit.
Or what about Sean Lennon?
Sean Lennon.
Jacob Dillon had two hits.
Sean Lennon was the same.
Sixth Avenue Heartache and One Headlight.
That's true.
Wait, that's Jacob Dillon?
No.
What does Sean Lennon do?
Sean Lennon is a musician.
He, you know, he's friends with a lot of people.
He's friends with the Strokes and the Moldy Peaches.
They're part of the anti-folk scene.
And Tori Moore or whatever, he's in with them too for some reason.
Yeah, weird.
I think he's made films.
He takes more after Yoko, if you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, his music sucks.
Is that what you mean?
Yeah, his music sucks.
I really tried to get in.
I'm like, there's something about Yoko's music that I'm not getting.
And that remains true.
Yes.
You're just dope.
It's not for everyone or anyone.
And that's the beauty of art.
It's right in that sweet spot where it's not for anyone or everyone.
Yeah.
I also think it might have been like responding so directly to what was happening at the time
that being removed from that context is maybe like, well, I don't get it.
It's like, well, you know, of course not.
Well, you know, Ian, art is a conversation.
Oh.
So that's where she's coming from.
And I do think Yoko Ono,
her music be considered art more than most music.
Yeah, that's true.
Because it's incomprehensible.
Yeah.
It's Picasso-esque.
Isn't this good?
It's cubism
I remember just being in high school
sitting there listening to like
Plastic Ono Band
and like stuff like that
and just being like
you like this
and I'm like
no I don't
you like this
I'm like I don't like it
I wish I could get into it
but it's just like really
someone going like
donkey
donkey
donkey
donkey
not Plastic Ono Band that was a fucking that was a anyway but yeah but i think maybe maybe
that's what it was yeah doesn't matter but stella mccartney come on my team stella mccartney makes
awesome sneakers too which is yeah yeah she like designs really cool sneakers but they're all for
women so you can't some men can get them if they have smaller feet, but my feet are too big. They don't
make women's sneakers like
in 14s or 15s or whatever. Oh, so they're five
feet? Like for you
by you. Yeah.
They're not FUBU. No, not at FUBU.
I have small feet. Meg, my
yeah, Meg, my fiance,
she says, if I was a gangster in the 30s
I'd be Baby Shoes McCullough.
Hey, that's better because I'd be Baby Dick O'Connor.
You could wear some Stella McCartney's.
I know.
You should scope them out.
I'm a nine and a half, which is tiny for a boy.
Absolutely, you could wear them.
Yeah.
Man, that's tight.
I bet it's way easier to find sneakers.
Nine and a half boys?
Well, men. Yeah. I bet it's way easier to find sneakers. Nine and a half boys? Well, men.
Boys.
I don't think it's, once you hit 10, then it's men.
Oh, okay.
So then you're, so then.
I'm like an 11 in women's.
An 11 in women's.
Which is probably not a real size for Stella McCartney's shoes.
I bet it is.
Maybe.
Sometimes they're like 10, but yeah, maybe.
It must be so easy to find heels.
It is, yeah.
And they're very narrow.
That's the thing.
I could easily wear women's shoes.
I had to wear heels for some Chelsea Lately sketches.
That shit sucks.
It does, and that's why we should put women on a pedestal.
Can I just say the stereotype is not true.
I have the tightest vagina, okay?
So just because my feet are so small.
That's your butt, dude.
It is.
That's your butt, dude.
I knew I should have used a hand mirror.
It's time for my first pick, and then my second one, as it is
a serpentine draft. With my first
pick, I'm going to go ahead and take
somebody who is in the same
line of work as their parents, but I love her, and I love her parents, too.
I'm taking Kate Hudson.
Perfect, Kate.
That's a good one.
Kate Hudson, whose parents are, of course, Ernie Hudson and Goldie Hawn.
And Kate Winslet.
And Kate Winslet.
Shout out to Ernie Hudson.
No, whose parents are
Goldie Hawn
and fucking Kurt Russell
yeah
it's actually not
Kurt Russell though
wait it's not
no
he raised her
he raised her
but their dad's name
is like something Hudson
oh yeah
Rock
Hudson
it's not Rock Hudson
definitely not Rock Hudson
because she has a brother
too named Oliver Hudson
Oliver Hudson
who was like on that show
Scream Queens
yes he was on Scream Queens
but he's on one now
with Jenna Fisher
that's called
Splitting Up Together
oh yeah yeah yeah
on pop
he's on
he is hunky
really hunky
and you know who's also pretty
Kate Hudson
Kate Hudson is beautiful
Goldie Hawn
as far as ladies go
not too shabby looking not too shabby no Oliver Hudson is a hot Goldie Hawn. As far as ladies go, not too shabby looking.
Not too shabby.
Oliver Hudson is a Hawn.
Key Hudson, actress, but also athleisure wear entrepreneur.
You know that's where she makes her real money.
Fabletics, baby.
Is Fabletics Kay Hudson?
Yeah, that's her whole brand.
That Oliver Hudson was in something recently, also as a guest star on a show where he was
a bad guy and he was awesome
I've seen him
Jack Pearson
on This Is Us
oh wait no
that's somebody else
whatever
but anyway
that's a good fact
I'm half hard at googling
yeah
how come Kate Hudson
wasn't a bigger star
that's a great question
so
well
I can trace it back
to
How to Lose a Guy
in 10 Days
I feel like
because that movie sucked
no
it actually was a huge hit,
and that's what was the problem.
After that, it was like mediocre rom-com.
She was trying to follow the Julia Roberts model.
Oh, yeah.
She was incorrectly picking it.
I just talked about this
because her first movie is 200 Cigarettes,
and I had to watch it for another podcast.
Oh, yeah.
I remember that.
And she's incredible in it.
Like, she does all...
Who's 200 Cigarettes cigarettes who's the director isn't
it like a tour no i'm thinking of coffee and cigarettes normally that's jim jarman uh but she
she's like doing so much slapstick comedy like she's like buster keaton in this movie yeah i'm
like oh she's so talented and then in almost famous the first time you see her you're like
instantly in love with this person like Like she's so good and convincing.
And she's great in 10 Days.
I hate about –
How long is she on 10 Days?
In 10 Days.
In 10 Days.
Everything after that, though.
It was like Bride Wars.
It was like all very like – it was like a Meg Ryan trajectory.
You knew me in the pre.
And she never had her like Erin Brockovich to solidify this.
She needed to do like a serious thing.
And then on top of that, also, I think like personal stuff, like she has three kids by
three different dudes.
Yeah.
And she married the Black Crows dude.
Yeah.
I saw them once together in New York, though.
They looked really cool.
Did they?
They looked really fucking cool.
Aren't his clothes 100% made of weed?
He was wearing like denim on denim and I always thought he looked like a heroin addict, kind of.
But in real life, I was like, damn.
Like, they walked past me on the street, and I was like, they have star power, like a cloud of star power around them.
He's that skinny dude body that's, like, so hot in person.
And he's much taller than I thought he would be, too.
He's, like, very tall, like, just confident.
I don't know.
I was like, I get it. And then the Muse guy, and then now it's a new guy that he would be, too. He's, like, very tall, like, just confident. I don't know. I was like, I get it.
And then the Muse guy, and then now it's a new guy that she has a kid with.
Oh, so she's—
I love these ladies that look like angels, and then they have these—
Like, Kate Winslet has, like, three kids with three different guys or something like that,
and she's, like, perfect.
I love it.
I love it.
They're a mess.
Get out there.
Mix it up.
But, yeah, Kate Hudson—
Get that DNA everywhere.
You're perfect looking. I think she might be the best choice of the draft, period.
She's awesome.
Yeah.
But she was also raised by Kurt Russell.
Yeah.
It's like double nepotism.
It's double nepotism.
Yes, they definitely opened some doors.
Plus, Goldie Hawn is fucking awesome.
I mean, truly one of the greatest comedic performers.
But Kate Hudson is so beautiful that even if her parents were nob-
If she was from a fucking trailer park, she would have been famous.
It just took her like eight less auditions.
But don't you also think that Kate Hudson has been in such a lull right now
that if she came back almost as a serious role in a prestige thing on HBO,
we'd be like, yeah.
Yes, of course.
She needs to Reese Witherspoon it like with like
a big little lies like a true detective
some kind of thing she goes in
maybe she could play like a white trash
role pretty fun
at the same time you're Kate Hudson right
she doesn't need to do shit
you've got three kids with three different rock stars or whatever they are
and it's like why go back
who gives a shit?
She also has a successful clothing.
Yeah, the phalletics. I'm telling you, that's her bread and butter
now. Like, why go to work?
That's a good point. For the gold.
You do everything for the Oscar.
She loves it. You do it.
There's no other reason to do anything
but for the Oscar. You know what her kids look like?
They're probably hot.
They're probably gorgeous. Hot kids.
Hot kids.
Hey, that's a good
It should be your
next episode.
Hot kids.
This is really funny
actually that you
bring that up.
The first episode
idea Kara ever had
was what was it?
Celebrity children.
I go, let's do
celebrity kids.
And Ian goes, cool.
And then like a half
an hour later he goes,
we're kind of having
a hard time with this.
Like three straight white dudes being like, oh no, it was, sorry, it was more just.
Oh yeah, David, yeah.
Like three straight dudes talking about our favorite kids in Hollywood.
You know who I like is Blue Ivy.
I was thinking like, yeah, there are so many and we could do adult kids.
But yeah, I was like, you're right.
It's creepy. This is a better way to was like, you're right. It's creepy.
Let's switch.
Let's talk about Finn Wolfhard.
It was like celebrity children though.
Right.
So it was like,
I was like,
Oh,
someone will draft Suri.
Sure.
And like,
you know,
at least somebody will want to that poor girl.
Anyway, sorry. I tried to make you be a pedophile on your podcast.
She's never met her real dad.
I know.
That's true.
Who?
Story Cruise?
Ron Hubbard?
Wait, are you a person that thinks it's Chris Klein or a person that thinks it's Josh Hartnett?
I think it's Josh Hartnett.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
What?
Look at the side by side.
Really?
It looks like you smashed Hartnett and Kate Holmes into one another.
It's like Ronan Farrow all over again.
Oh, my God.
He looks like you smashed Woody Allen.
He's like a dead ringer for Woody Allen.
It's crazy.
Classic Woody Allen, Ronan Farrow.
You put a fisherman's cap on him and a saxophone in his hands.
That's Ronan Farrow all the way.
Ronan Farrow has Ashkenazi written all over his face.
I love that Arnold Schwarzenegger's son grew up and then they were like, he has an Austrian accent.
It's definitely.
That'd be great if that's how they found out.
He grew up in Calabasas.
But he's like, I can could tell where's my real dad.
So Cain Hudson with my first pick.
With my second pick.
Now this is where the draft gets serpentine.
This is where it gets serpentine because I get to go again.
I'm going to take Ben Stiller.
Great one.
That's a good one.
And, you know, a triple threat.
Yeah.
Actor, director, Jew.
Yeah, Ben Jew. Oh, he can say it. Yeah, he can threat. Yeah. Yeah. Actor, director, Jew.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jew.
Oh, he can say it.
Yeah, he can.
He can say it.
Oh, that's the rule. He's a Semitic.
Yeah.
His name is George Katz.
Yeah.
The son of Jerry Stiller and Ann Mira, of course, two comedic legends themselves.
And then they made a kid who was a comedic legend.
Yeah.
And he has a sister in New York who I know.
Does he really?
Yeah.
Amy Stiller.
How's she doing?
Is like a pal of mine on Facebook and like we've hung out in real life a few times and
she's older than Ben and, you know, more of like a stage one woman show type of actress.
Probably kind of tough.
Okay.
To live a life
where you're not
Beth Stiller.
Is she getting checks
from Beth hopefully?
She lived on my street
on the Upper West Side
when I lived in New York.
So we used to run
into each other
like all the time.
Yeah.
And I've met Jan.
I met Ann before she died
and Jerry
and they're like the sweet
they were like
the sweetest people.
I hear that guy
is so sweet.
Jerry Stiller.
Jerry Stiller? Yeah. Yeah. R.I.P. R.I.P. to guy is so sweet. Jerry Stiller.
RIP to a true pimp.
Did he die?
No, he's alive. She died.
Oh, RIP to a true pimp.
And Mara?
Yeah, she passed, but he's still
I don't know why I thought Jerry Stiller died.
We're at a point now where
anyone older than 80
could be dead.
They must be dead. You assume they're dead.
They must be dead.
Yeah.
I remember when Amy Bogota would trend on Twitter all the time and I was like, it's time.
I looked it up that Martin Landau only died like a year ago and I was like, is that true?
I was alive then.
Do you know what's my favorite thing about Ben Stiller is how ripped he is.
He's in amazing shape.
It's wild.
He was kind of
the first comedian
to get into shape
for comedy.
He might be the only
comedian to ever do that.
Yeah, because Zoolander,
he's tight.
Yeah, he's so tight.
And like,
I think like in the 90s
when he played
Tony Perkis
in Heavyweight.
Yeah.
He's like super ripped.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For like a 20 minute role.
He's been, right.
He's been right he's been
in amazing shape
the whole day
which is weird to me
and still funny
you know
yeah it's tough
to be funny with muscles
but somehow
I make it work
every day baby
every day baby
you
Carrot Top
and Joe Rogan
yeah
so Ben Stiller
that's a great choice
there's not too much
to say about Ben Stiller
Sean time for your
second pick
my second pick I'm very excited about this because I truly like Stella McCartney.
And this one I don't like.
And this is, I think, a fully nepotism.
Pauly Shore.
Whoa.
That's great.
It's fully, like, one, the people who, the comedy gatekeepers would have never seen him if his mother didn't own the biggest comedy club in America.
Wait, what's his dad's story?
He was a nightclub comic in Vegas.
Okay.
They owned the comedy store together.
She got it in the divorce.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
But Pauly Shore, I mean, truly, like, I mean, he had movies.
Yeah. But nepotism opened that door. It had to kick that door down. But Pauly Shore, I mean, truly, like, I mean, he had movies.
But nepotism opened that door.
It had to kick that door down.
Yeah, he was, like, on MTV as a 17-year-old.
And, like, his comedy voice was.
But so was Jake Fogelness.
That's true.
That's true. But yet, in the rarest of occasions, Pauly Shore is more unbearable.
Jake, I love you. You're one of my best friendsauly Shore is more unbearable. Jake, I love you.
You're one of my best friends.
But you are truly unbearable.
We haven't mentioned him in 150 episodes.
There's no way he's still listening.
I don't know him personally, but I really adore his presence and everything.
He's a sweetheart.
But yeah, he had a squirt TV.
But Pauly Shore was cast from stand-up comedy,
and his stand-up comedy was just like,
hell, I see a lot of Lisa's in the crowd.
He was a character.
I don't know that he had actual jokes.
I mean, maybe he had jokes.
I don't know.
I listened to his stand-up album.
Yeah.
Oh, he has an album?
I've never seen anyone.
I've never heard anyone crush harder. It's like 1994 at the Pauly Pavilion at album. Yeah. Oh, he has an album? Where I've never seen anyone, I've never heard anyone crush harder.
It's like 1994
at the Pauley Pavilion
at UCLA.
Wow, they even named
the pavilion after him.
Wow.
No, it was...
That's what you would think.
Is that not the case?
No, no, no.
It was the mafia dude,
Pauley Pavilion.
Oh, Pauley Pavilion.
It's actually
the Pauley Pavilion Pavilion.
Who banned the pavilions
at the grocery store
for longer money. Yeah, the ham's $19. His dadly Pavilion Pavilion. Who banned the pavilions? The grocery store. They're laundering money.
Yeah, the ham's $19.
His dad was the original pavilion.
But literally, his opener, I'll never forget it, was him saying a word and then just giving
the definition of the word so you understood his stand-up.
He's like, when I say stony, what I mean is blank.
And he's like, and when I'm looking for major grindage, I'm talking about food.
Oh, my God.
People are like, wow.
He opened with a glossary of terms.
Exactly.
Like, imagine coming on stage and being like, okay, now when I say pussy, I mean vagina.
Or I say leaning tower of cheese.
Jetta.
Jetta.
I mean, he was in the extremely goofy movie.
Yes, he was.
As himself.
I understand your point.
At the same time, laughed many times at Pauly Shore.
I thought Pauly Shore was very funny.
So far, Julian doesn't like the strokes.
No, but he does like Pauly Shore.
Okay.
I didn't say I didn't like the strokes.
I said they were boring live.
But Pauly Shore, you didn't think Encino Man was funny?
You didn't think Son of Law was funny?
I liked In the Army Now.
Jury duty.
And I do like jury duty because it has the line,
Hey, Judgeito, take a bite of my burrito.
Oh, that's right.
No, when he says burrito, he means burrito.
When he says burrito, he means burrito. When he says judgeto.
Were you done with him by the time Biodome came out?
I liked Biodome.
I was a Pauly Shore kid.
Are you kidding me?
Biodome brought me back.
Just when I thought I was out.
He keeps pulling me back in.
It was Pauly Pavilion's quote.
Yeah, Pauie Shore.
And then now still doing stand-up, I guess.
I kind of have heard that he's like a handful when he's at clubs.
Really?
I heard, and this is my favorite, like somebody who has to work with him a lot told me that he's not like a good dude or a bad dude.
It's he's not like a good dude or a bad dude.
He's so out of touch from his life that like he'll walk into public in the situations and not feel what's going on at all.
And like he took this guy took him to a late night chicken restaurant.
Yeah.
You know where this is going.
Yeah.
And Pauly was like just talking to everybody and trying to be.
They have no idea who this guy is.
Oh, no.
You know what I mean?
Yeah. So he got like like, within an inch of being
murdered and had no idea
the entire time. They don't know you're Paulie Jordan.
He kind of is. He kind of is like Arthur.
Because he was also, for
like, eight years,
so successful. Massively famous, yeah.
He dated Paris Hilton.
Did he really? That's the top.
Yeah, no, no, but like...
But like, good Paris Hilton.. But like good Paris Hilton.
Yeah, like good Paris Hilton.
That's the end.
Pre-Hilton's peak.
Yeah, like pre-sex tape Paris Hilton.
Like there was a world in which Tia Carrera and Pauly Shore were like a couple that gets
together at the end of the movie.
Yeah.
Like, no.
By the way, that reminds me.
Paris Hilton's sex tape.
The most boring sex tape I've ever seen in my entire life.
Oh, my God.
I've seen pieces of that.
What, are you playing with it or are you going to use it?
That one's boring.
What are you doing?
The Kim Kardashian one's pretty boring, too.
It is.
It's pretty boring.
But that's what sex was like back then.
Ass eating wasn't invented until 2014?
2014.
Sex was like jaw rule.
It was like mediocre.
It was mediocre.
That's what we had, though.
You made it worse. You made it worse.
You made it worse.
J-Lo was there a lot.
Pauly Shore is a good one.
And it's not for me.
Pauly Shore, yeah. Kara's up.
Oh, we go back
the other way?
It's called a serpentine trap.
Did you not get my atmosphere?
Dang it. He explained it perfectly.
I was laying out three
different things. There's three concerts.
Three concerts. One starts first,
but the other's closer.
Okay, I didn't, mine is
someone, I didn't look up much
anything about them. Perfect. They might
not even have parents. It's a fictional
thing.
I didn't look it up kind of for the reason why i think this is such a great nepotism pick yeah because if that if you even know of this person you only know him for one
thing and then no one really it's like if nepotism didn't do okay just say it. It's a one-hit wonder. Julian Lennon had one hit.
Oh, yeah.
It's Much Too Late for Goodbyes, which I like that song.
I went to listen to it again.
Doesn't really hold up the way I thought it did.
It's actually worse than I thought.
Is this John Lennon's other son?
His first son with Cynthia Lennon.
Hey Jude is to Julian Lennon.
Oh, about Julian.
Okay.
And yes, Paul McCartney wrote Hey Jude is about, is to Julia Lennon. Oh, about Julian. Yeah. Okay. And yes, Paul McCartney.
Yeah.
Wrote Hey Jude.
Yes.
Did you pick two people named Julian?
It's a coincidence.
So the, but it's interesting.
I never listened to the rest of the album.
Do you think it's nepotism?
You don't think?
But it's so funny to me that he got to the point in the 80s of having a top 10 hit.
Yeah.
And then disappeared.
And it's like, obviously, the only fucking way that guy got anywhere near a recording studio is because his dad was John Lennon.
Oh, absolutely.
You know what I mean?
Like, he's never heard anyone talk about how good his music is.
Why did nothing else ever happen for him?
Huh?
Probably because he didn't have anything to bag it up.
I don't know.
I should look it up.
He was the direct inspiration for Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Hey Jude, and Good
Night.
And he looks like John Lennon.
Yeah, a little bit.
He also kind of looks like Trent Reznor now.
I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist.
Yeah, a little bit.
A little bit.
But is it possible the reason why he disappeared?
He was...
He looks like Tom York as well.
Oh, yeah.
After seeing a picture of him, I rest my conspiracy theory.
Oh, wait, what was it?
That perhaps he was the one who was shot and killed.
And that John Lennon was carrying on as his son.
Had one top ten hitting, like, they're going to find me out. Oh, mate, they're going to find me out.
Oh mate,
they're going to
find me out.
Oh no.
Now he just lives
in Canada or
something.
He wrote that
movie,
that forthcoming
What If The
Beatles Never
Existed movie?
He wrote it
yesterday.
Did he do
anything after
this?
How long is
that Wikipedia
by the way?
It can't be
very long.
It's pretty
long.
No, it's not
very long.
No, it's not.
There's a lot
of citations. I'm on the eighth part very long. It's pretty long. No, it's not very long. No, it's not. There's a lot of citations.
I'm on the eighth part of it.
He's the current writer
of Garfield.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Well, that's funny.
He lives in Monaco.
He has no children of his own.
Oh, that's right.
He was in the Boomtown Rats.
He wrote
I Don't Like Mondays.
They were like,
you're perfect for it, baby.
That's what Jim Davis talks like.
He calls everyone baby.
Oh, you really get Nermal's voice, baby.
So in other words, I don't have proof for this,
but he's my example of if nepotism gave you a shot
and then you literally just had nepotism.
Yeah.
And then, you know, everybody just.
How far can no talent and just the nepotism take you?
Yeah.
I think that's fair.
You probably get one top ten hit.
People are like, he's got to get something from those jeans.
And now he does charity work in photography, which is the other, which is a perfect thing for nepotism.
He gives his photos to homeless people.
Can you imagine getting into music?
Your dad's fucking John Lennon or Bob Dylan and you get into music?
I know.
Crazy.
I'm trying to think like your dad or mom had to have had like limited success or like some success.
And you could kind of still do it.
Like is it Neil Finn from New Zealand who was in split ends and uh yeah don't dream it's over
his son is like kind of successful and that's like the perfect amount of fame like stevie
nick's daughter can't be famous right for singing that they're too famous they're too famous could
never live up to it exactly yeah it's michael jordan son syndrome exactly like jimmy hendrick
snake had one hit in 1971 but like that was yeah it's like
but do we think that like northwest will go into music or or like blue ivy or any of them i think
they're going to just get into film distribution i think they'll just be professionally famous now
like and that's what that's a thing now right influencer yeah like just like you're famous
for being famous
like Blue Ivy
will already be
like such a big
and Northwest
you get a check
for walking into a room
right exactly
and that's probably
what they'll do
and just keep building
generational wealth on it
I mean I already have
the Blue Ivy app
it's great
I don't know what it does
it actually like
will back up
it'll back up an argument
that you're having
with a friend
alright I'm done it interrupts the argument by saying It actually will back up an argument that you're having with a friend.
All right, I'm done.
It interrupts the argument by saying, look how much the baby looks like Jay-Z.
Isn't that too bad?
One of your parents is Beyonce and you look like the other one.
You look like Joe Camel.
Current time for your second and third picks.
Oh, God, I got to go two in a row. All right, my second one is Liv Tyler.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's a great one.
That's a good one.
And I think she's an interesting story because she didn't know Stephen Tyler was her dad
for the first, like, ten years of her life.
Really?
Yeah, she didn't know.
Crazy story.
Yeah, she, like, figured it out when she was ten.
She kept tying, like, scarves around her bottle.
Yeah, they're like.
Like, she asked her mom. Yeah, they're like. Like ask,
she asked her mom.
I gotta go, go.
Okay, sorry.
Keep going.
Rag doll.
Rag doll
sleeping in my cribby.
Oh my God.
So yeah,
so she like asked her mom
and her mom was like,
okay, yeah,
cat's out of the bag.
He's your dad. But he was too addicted to drugs, I guess, when she asked her mom, and her mom was like, okay, yeah, cat's out of the bag. He's your dad.
But he was too addicted to drugs, I guess, when she was first born.
So the mom, like, kept her away.
And then they formed this close relationship later in life.
And then he, like, put her in his music videos as sort of the sexy chick.
The hottest woman Sean had ever seen.
Oh, my God.
Which is weird.
But also, like, I don't even know if she's working anymore.
She was like
huge.
Oh no she is.
She was on
she's on like
Harlots I believe.
No she's on some
big show now.
She's on like
This Is Us
or not that but like
I just saw her in something
she was great at.
Let me look.
Keep talking I'll tell you.
I thought maybe she was
Kate Hudson-ing a little bit
because she was this huge
indie darling with like
Empire Records and all that.
She was huge. She was in
Lord of the Rings. Oh, that's right. Duh.
Yeah, she was in Lord of the Rings.
She was in That Thing You Do.
She was in Armageddon.
She was like in the video
for Armageddon.
Which was perhaps even more memorable than the role of Armageddon.
But then like mid-2000s, I feel like she
or late 2000s, she was sort of dropping off. I call it Armageddon. But then like mid-2000s, I feel like she, or late 2000s,
she was sort of dropping off.
I call it Jersey Girl syndrome.
She was in Jersey Girl, which is an incredibly bad movie.
Ben Affleck.
Yeah, and I think it kind of tarnished her a little bit.
And then she was in that tweener Incredible Hulk movie, too.
Yes, and she also married, I believe, the lead guitarist in Space Hogs.
She did.
Well, actually, this is saying they did get married, I believe, the lead guitarist in Space Hogs? She did. Well, actually, this is saying
they did get married, they had
a kid, and I think their marriage only lasted
like a few years, and now she's
with us. Gotta go! Oh, wait, she's with someone?
Now she's with a sports and entertainment
manager. Oh, okay. Never mind, I'm staying.
Who's British. She's with a British guy.
Oh, makes sense.
He manages footy players.
Footy. She's in Harlots now, and she's in The Leftovers. makes sense he manages footy players yeah footy
yeah she's in
Harlots now
and she was in
The Leftovers
oh I didn't watch
The Leftovers
but my husband
like was obsessed
I love Liv Tyler
I love her so much
yeah I do too
100% approval rating
over here
but she you know
she's somebody
who's like last name
was like I mean
Buell
no
that is something
her mom was
Bebe Buell
Yeah
But she went by
Liv Rundgren
Rundgren?
Todd Rundgren
Like cause Bebe Buell
She dated Elvis Costello
Steven Tyler
And Todd Rundgren
I had no idea
Liv Tyler's mom
Was Bebe Buell
Yeah
I had no
Oh wow
And then
She also dated
Joaquin Phoenix
For three years
So she
Like she
Would've
Just been Nobody And then Kind of just Whodunit Like Nancy drewed it for three years. So she would have just been nobody
and then kind of just whodunit,
like Nancy drewed it
that her dad was fucking Steve Tyler.
When she looked in the mirror
and realized she just saw a mouth.
Yeah.
She is mostly mouth.
My dad's either Steven Tyler
or the Rolling Stones logo.
I remember as a kid, watching MTV, being like eight years old or whatever, and could not for the life of me tell the difference between Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger.
I was like, that's the same guy.
I had the same problem.
Yeah.
And I think part of it was the Rolling Stones logo looked like Steven Tyler's mouth.
It fucked me up when I was a kid.
I think I thought they were the same bands for a long time as a little kid.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then it turns out we were right because who cares about either fucking band?
My dad.
All right, Kara, your next pick.
Okay, that's my pick.
I'm going to do a pick of somebody that I feel like I hate that she's benefited from nepotism because I don't think she's talented.
And that is Dakota Johnson.
Oh! Yes. She's on. And that is Dakota Johnson.
Yes.
She's on my list for the same reason.
I just think
she has the charisma
of a toenail
and she's fucking
out there
getting all these roles
and she's bad.
She's nothing.
She's whole wheat bread.
I would love
to work with her.
I love whole wheat bread.
Sending you a script.
But like, yeah, her parents are Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson.
Another cool set of parents.
Yeah, they used cocaine as a condom.
Turns out you can't do that.
A baby will come out.
Cocaine as a condom?
You wouldn't feel anything.
You didn't have to.
Neither will she.
So she's like,
you know,
she's dating Chris Martin
from Coldplay now.
They're having a kid,
aren't they?
That's perfect.
That's the rumor
is that they're having a kid
because they had what
very much looked like
a gender reveal party
but it wasn't.
They were just revealing
Coldplay.
She's not pregnant.
Coldplay's new album color.
They just found out about the color pink, so they were like, look.
There was some kind of balloon arch, and they let balloons go, and everybody thought it was a gender reveal party.
Anyway, I think she's not talented and should not have been allowed to do anything that she's done.
In the same vein, can I just say, you mentioned that chick from, whose dad was the Disney guy from Magic Mike.
What was it called?
Cody Norton.
I remember seeing Magic Mike in the theater.
We saw it together.
Yeah, and being like, I love that movie.
I loved that movie.
But, oh my God, the wooden performance by whoever that girl is took me out of it.
I'm like, I'm supposed to believe that this super smoking hot dude
that every male,
every female in this room
and most of the males
want to have sex with now
is into that chick.
Are you kidding me?
Maybe that's why
I have no idea
who she even is.
Like,
it didn't work out for her
after that movie.
It didn't.
Yeah.
People make weird choices,
you know?
And I think that Dakota Johnson
is pretty,
but she's not even like
Who are her parents again?
Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson.
She's pretty, but she's also like the.
Don Johnson is like your style icon.
Oh, no, I like.
They're very famous, very good looking people.
And he was so hot when he was in Miami Vice.
And she was hot before she fucked with her face.
Melanie Griffith was very, very popular.
I'm just saying talent wise, they weren't like, you know, incredible actors. Melanie Griffith was very, very popular. I'm just saying, talent-wise, they weren't
incredible actors.
Oh, sure. I guess that's true.
Melanie Griffith was better.
Don Johnson is known as a piece of shit.
No, it's not!
No.
I mean, I don't even know. Maybe Melanie Griffith was great.
I don't really remember. Melanie Griffith was
probably better than Don Johnson. Don Johnson was
a TV actor, but he was like a hot guy.
He was funny in Eastbound and Down.
He was.
And I think Don Johnson's quality was he made your mom want to masturbate.
Right.
Yeah.
And then coincidentally, she was in Fifty Shades of Grey, which also made your mom want
to masturbate.
Yeah.
Honestly, that's what happens, man.
Moms come.
I have a connective tissue.
You know what's so funny is me and my mom caught each other masturbating to Don Johnson
at the same time.
And now we call that a Miami vice.
I love how that implies that one of you was moving while masturbating.
Someone was in motion.
I'm like, hey, mom, is there something in the air tonight?
When she knocks on the door, that's when it's to that cadence.
Dakota Johnson is an amazing pick.
Yeah, because not great.
Thank you.
She's beautiful, but also has had an entire life of the Hollywood machine being all the advantages to make yourself more and more beautiful.
So if she had grown up in...
But in interviews, she's boring.
On SNL, she's boring.
She got a ton of opportunity.
She was like a star of a sitcom, Ben and Kate.
Then from that, got the lead in Fifty Shades.
Yeah.
And then like I just saw this movie, Bad Times at the El Royale.
I just saw it too.
Which I really liked, except for her.
She's bad.
She was the worst part of it.
She was in that rom-com that came out that like ate shit, right?
With Rebel Wilson.
How to be single.
Yeah.
And I was like, you're making her the girl that other girls are supposed to like relate
to and root for?
Like she's a piece of wood.
Like yeah, no one's into it.
So anyway, you shouldn't all put your kids into your same field because some of them
are going to suck at it.
You're going to get as many Dakota Johnsons as you get Kay Hudson's.
Julian, tell me your third pick.
I mean, all of mine, I guess, are going to be—
Name Julian.
Are there any more Julians?
We've already talked about him a bunch.
Julian Hulk Hogan Jr.?
We've already talked about him a bunch, but Jacob Dillon.
Okay.
We've already talked about him a bunch, but Jacob Dillon.
Okay.
Because he's kind of, I think, the opposite of Julian Lennon, where he could have been a model.
I mean, that guy is so unbelievably good looking. He picked up Bob Dillon's flaws.
Because Bob Dillon was like a good looking young guy, but he had some flaws.
Jacob Dillon fixed it because Bob Dillon dipped his pen in the writing.
Yeah.
I mean, Jacob Dylan looks like a Snapchat filter put on Bob Dylan.
I mean, it's incredible.
It does.
So he could have done whatever.
He could have just been extremely handsome and rich.
And rich, yeah.
But he wrote a decent album.
I mean, it's a decent album.
I love One Headlight and Fifth Avenue Heartache.
Those are great songs.
You know,
there's another Dylan brother
and he also is in
the entertainment industry.
Is there really?
Yeah, Jesse Dylan
who directed American Pie 3.
Shut the fuck up.
I swear to God.
That's Bob Dylan's son.
Yes.
Wow.
Wow.
I guess you say yes because it's like, yeah, I want to work, but... Oh, my God. Oh. Wow. I guess you say yes because it's like,
yeah, I want to work, but...
Oh, man.
Is that the reunion?
Wouldn't you just pay your son not to do that?
Jesse, how's
work going?
Like, they're at fucking Thanksgiving
dinner. Oh, what's
Eugene Levy like?
After he got passed over for the first
two, he was like, do you know who my father is?
And then they let him direct that.
Oh, you can direct it.
That's the funniest thing.
Oh, so in this one, there's a Eugene Levy walking on Jason Biggs, like masturbating in a church or something.
What is he fuck?
Is it a turkey?
What is he fucking this one, son?
What is he fuck?
Is it a turkey?
What is he fucking this one?
I know you signed the NDA, but I need to know.
What's Jason Biggs thinking is digging in this one?
Oh, my God.
I think it's almost, this is going to sound crazy, and I'm wrong.
That's why it's going to sound crazy.
But it's almost harder to make it in music if your dad is Bob Dylan than it is if you're no one.
I feel that's probably true to an extent.
I mean, maybe you get a shot, but probably to stick around, it would be harder.
I feel like it's almost better to have your dad be a studio musician for Dylan.
Yeah.
Right.
Absolutely.
You've got some kind of in, but it's never they were a huge name that you have to live
up to.
And then to keep the name.
To not branch.
He looked different enough
that people would have been like...
Liv Tyler immediately changed her last name to Tyler
at age 12.
She was like, I know what's up.
I'm not a Rundingrin?
Thanks for adopting me and taking care
of me, Todd Lundgren. Bye!
Todd Lundgren, I love, I love, love, love that song about how you don't want to work, but you want to bang on your drums all day.
But my dad's Steven fucking Tyler.
I'm going to go with him.
I was going to say, but I hate the flute, but that's Jethro Tull.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Man, have you ever seen pictures of a dude from Jethro Tull back in the Jethro Tull days?
No.
Crazy looking.
Yeah, I remember.
Wasn't he like a troll looking guy? He looked like a fucking troll.
Yeah.
And he played the flute, which is a troll-ass instrument.
I remember my drug adjunct was always like, oh, you got to see Jethro Tull live.
The guy makes you go crazy.
I'm like, okay.
I'm like, that sounds weird.
You got to see Jethro Tull live. You gotta see it. Just wrote Toll Live.
You gotta see the Toll. It's not the same thing.
You gotta, it's the album.
It's not like the strokes where it's the exact same thing.
Oh yeah, wow.
That's exactly what you kind of would think.
He's a real weird looking dude.
That's fun.
This Wikipedia says under children for Bob Dylan, six, including Jesse and Jacob Dylan.
Wow.
So like they're the only two that even get anything.
Yeah.
Yeah, therefore it's like we don't even put their names
not linked in the Wikipedia.
I cured HIV, but I guess I didn't direct American Pie 3.
I do like that Jacob Dillon tried to like do mini
like Bob Dylan lyrics in some of those songs.
Like, yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Like me and Cinderella put it all together.
Like that doesn't mean anything.
No, of course.
Yeah, it's just like it's like your first thought poetry.
Yeah, first thought poetry, which is kind of what Bob Dylan called it.
Kind of, yeah.
Stood on his shoulder, eh, saw me as cat.
And we're like, we're all stoned enough that, you know, we'll buy into that.
It's the 60s.
We're artists.
Johnny started a fire on Main Street and shot it full of holes.
What?
This guy's a genius.
Yeah.
You got to think about it, but in a way where you don't actually analyze anything.
It was a different time back then.
Back then, Mrs. Maisel was the greatest comedian that ever was.
That's true.
It was Mrs. Maisel.
Jacob Dillon, great pick.
Sean, time for you with third pick.
My third pick is both a
good and a bad form of nepotism
Sophia Coppola
okay she's on my list too
bad because of her performance
in Godfather 3 which is truly
the worst performance not great
maybe ever
I've never seen it how old is she in it
she's like 13
she's older because she's Andy is she in it? She's like 13.
No, she's older because she's Andy Garcia's love interest.
Oh.
She's like 18 years old.
It was supposed to be Winona. I forgot how late The Godfather 3 came out.
It was supposed to be Winona Ryder, and she couldn't get out of her Beetlejuice contract.
So Francis Ford Coppola was like, easy, I got an Italian girl at home.
Yeah.
He's like, Sophia, get out there.
And then she's like,
Mamma mia, my daughter sucks at acting.
It's so bad.
She's really bad and also
a huge part of the movie.
She's the
emotional climax of the film, too,
with zero chop.
It sucks because it's not chop it sucks because you can't
it's like not her fault
so you can't even make fun
of her too much for it
you know what I mean
because it's like a kid
who got thrown into
a weird situation
and then do you think
that's what like
made her just be like
I'm gonna be a director
I'm gonna be a director
and then that fucking
worked perfectly
like she makes
great movies
like I really love
Virgin Suicides
I love Lost in Translation
I love Marie Antoinette
do you love those videos she makes with Isabella Rossellini where Isabella Rossellini's like
an animals?
I have not seen those.
Oh my God, they're wacky.
Really?
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure Sofia Coppola directs them and they're crazy.
And she's also like cool as hell.
She seems very cool.
Oh yeah.
And Nicolas Cage is her cousin.
Yeah.
And I was like, who's she married to?
Not anymore.
She was. She was married to? Not anymore. She was.
She was married to Spike Jonze.
That's a cool couple.
During the cool years.
And then the other thing that I've always liked about her is her movies are her mixtapes.
And she has a very similar taste in music to me.
She's a Mary Chain and New Order.
She's so cool. She's so cool. She's married to the and like New Order and she's so cool
she's so cool
she's married to
the lead singer of Phoenix
now
oh cool
yeah they're probably
super fashionable
they're probably walking
down the street
and you're like
ooh
they look rich
ooh
they got those high pants
you know those fashionable
high pants
yeah yeah yeah
but you know
you know when she gets home
she's making risotto
ooh
the cup of gold.
I remember, fan as well, everything you say I co-sign.
Also, you can't really make fun of her.
I get that too.
Same time, I remember when I saw The Godfather, I was probably 15.
Rented it from West Coast Video in Morristown, New Jersey on two VHS tapes.
Watched it, lost my shit i was like this
is the best movie of all time yes rented godfather 2 the next day oh my god i was like oh my god this
guy can't lose and then rented three and was like so sad yeah i couldn't even put it into words
i didn't finish it i got like yeah half an hour in. So I'm 15, right?
One time I saw Godfather 3 for 20 minutes,
and I still remember how awful that was.
That Sofia Coppola was so bad.
And she's bad from the first shot to the very last shot.
You guys are making me want to watch it. I own it.
It's almost worth it.
It's worth watching because no one has lost their fastball
more than Francis Ford Coppola.
Oh, my God.
Because in the 70s, that dude did Godfather, Godfather Part 2, Apocalypse Now, The Conversation,
which is truly my favorite movie of the 1970s.
And then in the 80s, he still had some hits with Outsiders and Rumblefish.
But then...
Dracula?
Was that him?
Yeah.
Bram Stoker's Dracula.
That's like actually one of the better later Coppola.
The weird blood muscle outfit is in their winery.
Yeah.
You can go see it.
Really?
Yeah, in the Coppola winery.
Well, they all have wine now.
Yeah, grape wine.
But Godfather Part 3 and Jack,
he did both of those movies four years apart.
Wait, what was Jack? Jack is the Robin Williams movie. He has both of those movies. Four years apart. Wait, what was Jack?
Jack is the Robin Williams movie.
Where he has like a disorder.
Where he ages four years for every one year he's alive.
And he plays a 10 year old.
It's like a reverse Benjamin Button type of thing.
Yeah, where a 10 year old falls in love with J-Lo.
It's a weird movie.
So, Sofia Coppola.
That's a Francis Ford Coppola movie?
That's wild. I had no idea. Well, he used to call him Francis Ford Coppola. That's a Francis Ford Coppola movie? That's wild.
I had no idea.
Well,
he used to call him
Francis Ford Coppola joint.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
That family's nuts.
Are we going to take any more
of the Coppola family
or should we just like
air it all out right now?
I think we should
because that is like
a dynasty.
So,
Talia Shire
is her dad.
You know,
Adrian.
Yeah.
Nicholas Cage is a cousin. Is a cousin. Jason Schwartzman is a cousin. Talia Shire is her dad you know Adrian Nicholas Cage is a cousin
Jason Schwartzman
is a cousin
Talia Shire's son
yeah
Robert Schwartzman
from Rooney
and who directed
the movie Unicorn
is Jason Schwartzman's
brother and Talia Shire's son
geez
Gia Coppola
who's
did that movie
Palo Alto
yes
there's Roman Coppola
who's worked with Wes Anderson a bunch, did the movie CQ, I believe.
And there's Capicola, which is a meat.
Capicola, yeah.
Yeah.
And an actual interesting thing is Hollywood Center Studios in the middle of Hollywood.
Francis Ford Coppola bought that in 1983, and he planned on starting his own studio like Paramount.
Yeah.
He went bankrupt in a year.
Wow.
He lost all of his money.
And then what happened was his vineyard blew up
and it's made him like 25 times more money
than he's ever made a movie.
Really?
So rich.
What?
Yeah.
So now the wine is the breadwinner really for that?
Oh, yeah.
Like, wow.
The wine funds everything.
Shit, I had no idea.
It's good wine.
What was the last thing he did?
Francis Ford Coppola.
Is he done now?
He only directs weird artistic things.
There was a movie that could only be shown
if he was in the theater,
and he brought his own organ player
to live score it,
and he worked with Vincent Gallo a lot.
Oh, weird.
Well, he also directed Sideways
because it was about wine, right? No. Anything that has wine in it, a lot. Oh, weird. Well, he also directed Sideways because it was about wine, right?
No.
Anything that has wine in it, he directed.
He had to improve the wine on screen, though.
I'm going to make my time for my third and fourth picks.
Okay.
With my third pick,
I'm going to stray out of the world of Hollywood.
Oh, where are you going?
And I'm going to draft Robert F. Kennedy.
Oh!
John F. Kennedy's little bro,
who was the Attorney General of the United States,
who was gunned down in his prime.
He really literally was.
Literally gunned down in his prime
right here in Los Angeles, California
by Sirhan Sirhan.
Is that who killed RFK?
That's what we think.
That's what we think.
That's what we think.
I do want to say i'm
sorry for killing robert f kennedy i'm admitting it finally you should have done that yeah what
did it it was me i'm so bad i'm embarrassed by it why did you bring it up right now
you're kevin mean. But keep going.
He was like a guy who was very into civil rights.
He was going after the mob. He was like somebody with an incredibly bright political future who probably wouldn't have got – definitely wouldn't have gotten that job so young if it weren't for nepotism.
But it was a good form of nepotism except that it also led to his unfortunate and very early death.
Got to give it to people who have it handed to them and work super fucking hard.
Those Kennedy boys, all of them.
The Kennedy boys.
I mean, I think this is a Coppola situation.
Yeah.
Where, I mean, like Ted Kennedy.
Ted Kennedy.
I mean, he was a great senator.
He killed someone.
Bad person, great senator.
That was rough.
Yeah.
He killed that guy, Johnny Chappaquiddick, that guy Johnny Chappaquiddick
JFK Jr
a publisher
a magazine publisher
a bad pilot
Jacqueline Onassis who had married in
also worked in publishing
there was an older brother
who was older than
the oldest brother in the
kennedy family older than john and uh robert and ted who died i think in oh ruprecht oh in world
war in ruprecht kennedy uh who died in world war ii he was a fighter pilot and then like their dad
was like well jfk yeah he called he was like it should have been you he was like one of those
like it should have been cash boys yeah for real one of those, like, it should have been you. He was one of the cash boys.
Yeah, for real.
He was like, it should, like, you, like, he was the golden boy.
He was going to be the president.
Yeah.
I already bought the slot.
Yeah.
Wouldn't it be great if then JFK was like, oh, and then he did become president.
His dad was still like, still though.
Still.
He would have been better.
Still though.
Yeah.
I'm disappointed.
And he's like, era.
I'm disappointed.
And he's like, era.
Yeah, because those hardworking people that have it handed to them.
Like, I know.
My family got nothing.
And I'm still a Frodo.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Fredo?
Fredo.
Not Frodo.
I'm a classic Frodo. I'm a little bit of a Frodo.
I eat bread out of leaves.
I've got little hairy feet.
Dirty fingernails.
Frodo of the nine fingers.
Don't forget about all the women in the Kennedy family, though.
Big little baby, big edie.
This is great.
The one who got a lobotomy.
Yeah, the lobotomy that went wrong.
Lobotomy Kennedy.
Well, is it Rose Kennedy who's a huge, like, founder of the Special Olympics?
A massive, like, philanthropist, I think, too?
And Ethel Kennedy's, like, the matriarch.
And then I forget.
And then Carolyn Kennedy is in politics, right?
Yes.
And then they have the young Kennedy now who's a...
Who's the Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Oh, the Shrivers.
Oh, the Shrivers.
Army Hammer.
Or no, Chris Pratt is marrying him, right? Yes. He's marrying the youngest, the Shrivers. Oh, the Shrivers. Army Hammer, or no, Chris Pratt is marrying in, right?
Yes, he's marrying the youngest, the daughter.
Yeah.
Catherine.
Yeah.
They met at church.
That'll work out.
Killsong!
I gotta say, meeting at church reminds me of one of the best, I was doing crowd work one time,
and I asked this kid, I go, where'd you meet your lady?
And he said, church.
And I said, did you have an opening line?
And he goes, uh, yeah.
He goes, yeah.
Uh, Hey, my name's, my name's Danny or whatever.
Uh, what'd he say?
We meet back here the same time next week.
That's pretty good for a church joke.
That's a good church line.
That's a good church joke.
Absolutely.
That's a kind of, it's like sort of a Wrangler jeans joke.
I'm into it.
Oh, that's a great way to describe them. Right, yeah a Wrangler jeans joke. I'm going to do it. You know?
Oh, that's a great way to describe them. Right, yeah.
The Wranglers.
Somebody who wears a lot of Wrangler jeans might tell that joke.
And that's beautiful.
That's fine.
Here's a tribute to the serpentine nature of this draft.
I have no idea whose turn it is.
It's me again.
Still here.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then we'll breeze through the fifth.
We'll make the fifth round a speed round because we've been here for so long.
And I appreciate it, but I don't want to take up your whole night.
With my last pick,
I'm going,
or no,
my fourth pick,
I'm going to take
Laura Dern.
Oh, hell yeah.
You're Dern right I am.
So her dad is,
is her dad Bruce Dern?
Bruce Dern.
Nebraska's own Bruce Dern.
He's really good.
Yeah, he's awesome.
What a creep.
She's fucking awesome.
And then she's awesome too.
She's amazing.
Yeah. Jurassic Park and I'm sure she's awesome. What a creep. She's fucking awesome. And then she's awesome too. She's amazing. Yeah.
Jurassic Park,
and I'm sure she's worked since then.
She's in everything.
She is in everything.
She is.
She was in Enlightened,
which only got two seasons on HBO,
but people loved it.
Yes.
People loved Enlightened.
Enlightened is probably in my top five of all time.
Yeah.
She's in the best Star Wars.
Oh, yeah. Oh, this is doing this. We're not doing this, right she's in the best Star Wars oh yeah
we're not doing this
right
anytime somebody
brings up Star Wars
I have to say
we're not doing this
did you guys watch
the new Twin Peaks
no
oh you didn't
is she in it
yeah she's in it
she plays crazy
so good
her face is
she has crazy face
yeah
and it's incredible
she's great in
Big Little Lies
and she's in the new
she's in the Little Women movie that.
Greta Gerwig.
Greta Gerwig is making.
Yeah.
So that's going to be pretty good.
Yeah, Laura Dern is amazing.
Great.
Her dad, Bruce Dern, was in the first Great Gatsby movie I ever saw.
I'll never forget him.
I don't like him.
Started out in the silent films, I believe.
Bruce Dern.
Bruce Dern. He was in, did any of you watch Big Love? Yeah. I didn't like him. Started out in the silent films, I believe. Bruce Dern.
He was in, did any of you watch Big Love?
I didn't watch Big Love.
Oh, in Big Love, he was like this really mean character,
and he would piss in the sink and stuff.
Oh, cool.
Was that mean? He was really this horrible guy.
I do that in my kitchen.
It's way greener to pee in a sink.
It always made sense to me to pee in the sink.
Okay, I'm sorry I brought it up.
It's a class act.
It's good, actually.
You're just jealous because it would be so hard for a woman to piss in the sink.
You've got to get all the way up there.
Honestly, you're risky physically.
Yeah, I wouldn't do it.
Maybe get a lower sink.
Wasn't Bruce Dern in Tremors?
He wasn't in it.
He was in Monster back in 2003.
And then you were thinking of The Astronaut Farmer.
Moving on.
Oh, that's what it was.
Lauren, Sean, do you have a fourth pick?
My fourth pick is one of the rare times the kid surpasses his way in.
Going into the world of sports, Ken Griffey Jr.
What a great pick! His dad was part of the Big Red Machine. his way in. Going into the world of sports, Ken Griffey Jr. Ooh!
What a great pick!
His dad was part of the Big Red Machine.
They won many World Series in the 1970s.
He obviously was super talented.
Ken Griffey?
Yeah, but the fact that he was Ken Griffey Jr., you get a little bit of a push.
Yeah.
All of a sudden, at 18, they're like,
you could probably play in the majors tomorrow.
And he could. Yeah, and he did. did the kid did and he was fucking awesome and uh yeah i mean junior it
might still be the most marketable baseball player he's my favorite player of all time he was so cool
but what do you mean marketable like if you if you like walked into a room with 100 people in it and
you had some pictures of like baseball players and were like, can you name these people? Can you name Bryce Harper?
Can you name Mike Trout?
Can you name Manny
Machado? No, I mean like right now.
I think the Virginia's not so around though.
No, but I think more people will probably
recognize him than any of their
current stars. And it's true
because he was
in the 90s when
you would pick someone from each sport.
You had Wayne Gretzky in the NHL.
You had Jordan in the NBA.
You had Ken Griffey Jr.
Ken Griffey Jr. stood out because he was truly the first baseball player to wear his hat backwards.
And take batting practice.
And he angered the old white male writers because he did that.
That's how you stand out.
When you play the game the right way, it's boring as hell.
Right, exactly, yeah.
You don't stand out.
No, he looked cool.
He didn't have sleeves.
No, he looked so cool.
He looked so cool.
His swing is one of the most beautiful things of all time.
It's so pretty.
It's so pretty.
Oh, my God, I love Ken Griffey Jr. so much.
That's what bugs me about, I don't have a whole lot to say about sports
really but i do i do get annoyed when people when they rate the best ofs of all time yeah that they
don't bring in the beauty of the player as they played the game oh i think that's so important i
think that's the most one of the most important things and it's why i know i'll never understand
this whole lebron versus jordan thing i'm like, watching Jordan play looked like he was underwater.
He was like ballet.
LeBron is, well,
he'll do things, though, that are beautiful in a different way.
In a different way.
Yeah, like, LeBron
is the evolution of the game.
It's the equivalent of
like, have you ever seen the Universal Soldier movie?
In the sequel,
they introduce a more universal
soldier. That's LeBron
James.
It's kind of like, it's like your
You know what it is? It's like fly fishing
versus these bass masters.
Or like David Spade versus
James Spader.
LeBron and Spader.
But anyway, Ken Griffey was a beautiful, he played the game
and it looked beautiful when he played it.
He was a five-tool player,
loved Ken Griffey Jr.
And you know what?
Hey, if it was nepotism
that got you in the door,
you made the game your own.
Yes, he did.
Yes, he did.
And then we saw him
years later
in a Macklemore
and Ryan Lewis music video.
Whoops.
Good job, Ken Griffey Jr.
But he's nerfect.
Let's keep it moving.
Julian, time for your fourth pick.
My fourth pick is Mike Lawrence.
The writer?
The stand-up comedian.
The comedian?
Because his mom was a comedian.
Oh, that's so funny.
Because his mom was a comedian.
He's Allison Cohen.
That's an amazing pick.
I don't think he ever would have made it onto Live at Gotham.
You never would have won Rose Battle without his mom.
I don't think so.
That's very funny.
I think, hey, what happens to the children of stand-ups?
We don't talk about that paint enough.
Hopefully they become lawyers.
They look like Mike Lawrence.
She sure gave him a leg up to seven years at McDonald's.
And then his stand-up career.
Classic.
And much like Ken Griffey Jr., he makes it look beautiful.
He does.
He makes a beautiful game
with him.
He does.
That's so funny.
Mike Lawrence is my dad's
favorite stand-up comedian.
Oh my God,
that's so funny.
He saw him,
yeah,
when we were at,
he used to come to
some of the shows
I emceed at Helium.
I don't think,
when I met you,
I don't think he came
to those shows.
But I met Sean O'Conn's
at Helium in Portland.
We had that one
magical weekend. We did weekend we did we did
but my he came to a show that i was emceeing and mike lawrence was featuring at and uh i forget who
was headlining but he like will always talk about mike lawrence still and like that guy was so funny
yeah he's hilarious you should talk about your family more like him you know he hates them i know
i'll talk about you then but like i kind of like my dad so i don't want to like
do that yeah i think it feels like a different relationship yeah i think completely different
but like he's like you should talk about your your family more but uh he'll still ask how
mike lawrence is doing and i'm like pretty good you're like honestly as good as it's gonna get
he's got health insurance he has a wife he's even happy yeah
you know what i like about mike lawrence having health insurance? He has a wife? He's even happy. You know what I like about Mike Lawrence having health insurance?
You can't tell.
Shout out to Mike Lawrence.
He didn't let it get to his head.
Health insurance is pretty good, but it's not full, like, blood exchange.
Right.
You can't have a blood surrogate or anything.
Mike Lawrence, that's
hilarious.
Are there any successful
stand-up comedians whose
parents were successful
stand-up comedians?
Okay, wait.
Mr. T's daughter.
No, that doesn't count.
Okay.
I was just going to say
that's a stand-up comedian
who is the son of somebody
famous because Mr. T's
daughter does stand-up.
Well, TJ Miller's sister
does it.
Okay.
That's like one.
John Mulaney's sister's a writer.
Oh yeah,
that's true.
And actually a funny stand up.
She doesn't really do it a lot,
but she is funny.
She is funny.
Yeah,
she did a good look.
She's really funny when she does,
she's like done my little shows sometimes
and she's funny.
Tony,
or Chris Rock's brother,
right?
Tony Rock.
Tony Rock.
Isn't he older?
Charlie Murphy was really funny.
Freddie Prinze Jr.
was probably a riot.
Oh yeah.
That's right.
That is true.
But that's a great question.
Like Melissa Rivers is famous, but didn't do stand-up.
Didn't do stand-up.
She's not as funny as Jover.
I mean, I'm waiting on Louis C.K.'s daughter's fingers crossed.
Hey, you know they got what it takes emotionally.
Wow.
See, there you have it.
We're the most pure art form.
We're not an art form. but we're the most pure whatever.
I think we are an art form.
The beauty of comedy is nepotism does not work in it.
It doesn't really work.
It really doesn't.
That is interesting.
Yeah.
All right, cool.
Kara, time for your fourth and then your final picks.
Wait, I go two in a row again?
Yeah.
This is the last time, though.
This is the last day.
This will ramp her up.
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, but I did Allison, Dakota, Liv, and...
Allison, Dakota, and that's it so far.
Oh, and Liv Tyler.
Okay, okay, got it.
Okay, my fourth pick is Mariska Hargitay.
Very good.
That's a good one.
I want to tell you guys I am caught up
on SVU
so it's in its
20th season
I've seen every episode
of SVU
that's crazy
I watch it week by week
when it comes out
Dick Wolf isn't caught up
on that show
like I have seen
every episode
more than one time
I like
I'm a real SVU head
I get it
I don't know
you could just
you slide into that show
like a warm bath
and then it's
three hours later.
Of course, it's on USA all the time.
But then I'm also on the NBC watching it when it comes out reg.
So I'm a big SVU head.
So love Mariska.
She is like the daughter.
So she is the daughter of Mickey Hargitay, who was a bodybuilder.
Yeah.
One of America's first strongmen.
Yeah.
And an actor as well.
Yeah.
Right. And then Janet Lee, I think. No, Jane Mansfield. Yeah, and an actor as well. Yeah. Right?
And then, wait, Janet Leigh, I think was-
No, Jane Mansfield.
Oh, Jane Mansfield.
Oh, my God.
Why did I make that up?
Yes.
Jane Mansfield, who was kind of like, according to my husband, she was kind of like a sort
of a sexy movie star.
Yeah, she was-
Wait, you don't know who Jane Mansfield was?
I don't really know who she was.
Oh, my God.
She was kind of like-
She had the best rack in the business, which was her.
Right. She was not like- But like Marilyn Monroe. That's what she was famous for.
But Marilyn Monroe was a better actress.
But Jane Manfield, have you ever seen the picture of Sophia Loren judging?
She's looking down her chest.
It's Jane Manfield.
Yeah, I've seen that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I think I thought she was maybe more of a Veronica Lake type, but she wasn't that classy.
She was like more.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like Marilyn Monroe.
Straight bombshell.
Got it.
She was hot enough to marry America's strongest man.
Yeah.
I love that America is such a young country that we didn't have a strong man until the 50s.
The 50s.
Also, if you see a picture of Mickey Hargitay, there are nine people at the Glendale 24-Hour Fitness right now who have better bodies than him.
Yeah, I know.
There are nine people at the Glendale 24-Hour Fitness right now who have better bodies than him.
But in the 1950s, he was like, all right, I've eaten two full chickens.
Now let's fight.
He's too ready.
He got buff during rationing, so they were like, oh, that's amazing.
Back then, all you had to do was suck your gut in, and you were like a strong man.
If you kick sand on enough nerds, you became a strong man. Yeah.
So she's their daughter and she was in the car when they got into a car accident.
They killed Jay Mansfield.
She was in the car?
Yeah, she was in the car.
Her and her brother survived.
She, you know, has gone.
I mean, like, I think it's interesting to me because like, obviously doors were open
to her because Mickey Hargitay was famous and stuff.
But then she just did SVU.
Like, she doesn't do anything else.
No, and she's also one of the people who, like, far exceeded, like, her parents.
Right.
She's been on SVU for 20 years.
20 seasons.
20 seasons, yeah.
She can buy and sell America's 10 strongest men.
They work for her now.
Yeah.
So I think that her nepotism is kind of like.
That's an interesting nepotism.
She has a cool like.
Because like I feel like Christopher Maloney was like, I'm going to leave SVU.
Go do movies.
Go do different shows.
She's like, I'm good.
Like same production schedule.
I work eight months a year. Like, yeah. Yeah. She probably is. I mean, she's like I'm good like same production schedule I work eight months a year
like yeah
she probably is
I mean she's just living it up
she's best friends with
Debra Messing
she's like one of the rare people
who has
who's like acts on a television show
where it's kind of like
working in an office at this point
where it's just like
the same people every day
and now she's EP of it too she sometimes directs episodes like I'll an office at this point. Right. Where it's just like the same people every day. And now she's EP of it too.
She sometimes directs episodes.
I'll take that career.
Yeah, this victim?
Yeah.
Not special enough.
She's probably given the other actors line reads.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try it.
You know, that's not doing it for me.
That's not how you would unload a box.
All right.
I've done 7,000 episodes of this, you piece of shit.
Mariska Hargaday.
Perfect.
And your final pick.
Okay, fifth and final pick.
I don't know what to do.
I'm going to go with Charlie Sheen.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
I mean, it's good.
Nepotism opened the doors and has kept him around.
Yes.
We'll say young Charlie Sheen
smoke show
smoke show
so hot
hot shots
hot shots Charlie Sheen
was like
my fucking
hot shots part dude
I loved hot shots Charlie Sheen
I thought he was so hot
and funny
Julie's talking about
11 year old Charlie Sheen
I'm talking about
platoon Charlie Sheen
was he really
how old
I don't think I've seen platoon platoon is the same as like major league Charlie Sheen? No, I'm talking about Platoon Charlie Sheen. Was he really? I don't think I've seen
Platoon.
Platoon is the same as
like Major League
Charlie Sheen.
Major League.
Yeah, same.
Major League.
That whole era.
He was a hunk.
Like Ferris Bueller,
he looks like a bad boy.
But you guys,
I like funny guys,
so Hot Shots is what I go for.
True, true, true.
I like Hot Shots.
I personally liked him
in Lucas.
I thought he was
really great in Lucas.
Oh yeah, Lucas with
Sean Astin?
What's his name? No, that's not Lucas. I thought he was really great in Lucas. Oh, yeah, Lucas with Sean Astin. What's his name?
No, that's not Lucas.
Lucas is with Corey Haim.
Corey Haim.
Corey Haim.
They are so interchangeable to me.
Sorry.
And Winona Ryder looking like a young Conor Oberst.
Oh, man.
Conor Oberst with a vagina.
That's your type.
It truly is. Who's Conor Oberst making music vagina That's your type It truly is
I love
Who's Conor Oberst
Making music with now
One of the
Phoebe Bridgers
Phoebe Bridgers
Yeah
That's right
One of the
Ryan Adams
That's very exciting
Non-friends
Oh yeah
Disciples
Let's call them disciples
Charlie Sheen
That's a great one
Yeah
Brother of Emilio Estevez
Son of Martin Sheen
Martin Sheen
Yeah
That's a good one Haver of the HIV Haver Yeah Brother of Emilio Estevez, son of Martin Sheen. Martin Sheen. Yeah.
That's a good one.
Haver of the HIV.
Haver of, yeah.
Possessor of tiger blood.
They don't talk a lot about why he went with Sheen,
but like Emilio Estevez went a different way. Yeah.
So the real last name is Estevez.
Estevez.
Yeah.
Martin Sheen went with it because he started acting at a time where he had to
change the Estevez.
And I think Emilio just
chose to honor
his family's actual heritage
while Charlie went...
I think Emilio was...
He went with cocaine.
I think Emilio was actually the talented one
at first in the 80s.
Yeah.
He was getting roles before Charlie was.
And so Charlie wanted to use his dad.
Family name.
Yeah.
Use the nepotism.
So good example of.
Yeah.
How to.
Because I think a lot of people don't even know Emilio Estevez is related.
Yep.
Interesting.
He did it all on merit.
And then he did Mighty Ducks 3 and has never acted again.
If you're listening.
He's listening.
Come back, Emilio.
Come back, Emilio.
We're ready for you again.
He did something in 2018, but I don't think it was anything good.
America cries for Emilio.
Excellent pick, Charlie Shane.
Julian, time for your final pick.
You're not going to fucking believe this.
Oh, my God.
I'm not even making this up.
And we're done. I'm done. It's Emilio Estevez. Isilio estes is it really it was emilio that was your pick i'm sorry yeah
no it's fine no it's good good we're in the lightning round see how ready we are for you
yeah yeah you already talked about them i uh together i never understood why
because when you look back at his performances, they're genuinely good.
I think so, too.
Breakfast Club, you know, whatever you want to say about the script or whatever.
Yeah, Young Guns.
Yeah.
Lost Boys.
Not Lost Boys.
Repo Man.
Outsiders.
Yeah.
And Men at Work when they were together.
Yeah.
Mighty Ducks.
He was.
He really was good, and I never understood what happened.
He wanted to be a director.
I know he directed a few movies.
Oh, guys, wait a minute.
Our prayers are answered.
Emilio Estevez has a movie being released on my due date, April 5th, 2019, that is called The Public.
It is a film by Emilio Estevez.
It's got Alec Baldwin, Jenna Malone, Taylor Schilling, Christian Slater, and Jeffrey Wright, and Gabrielle Union.
It's got a big cast of people.
That's actually a good cast.
Hard to say which way.
That could go either way, though.
All those actors could go either way.
Yeah.
I bet he booked them by being like, hey, follow me on Twitter so I can DM you.
It's about a library.
Okay. Losing interest. it's about a library okay
losing interest
is it haunted like in the Ghostbusters
it's like
they should make another one of those
Sean time for your final pick
my final pick
Jennifer Aniston
her dad was of course on days of our lives
for like 40 years
his name was something very Greek, right?
Yeah.
It's like Onassis.
It's like something super Greek.
Oh, what?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He played Victor Kyriakis, but his real name is Giannis Anitos Anastasios.
Wow.
Damn.
And his daughter used all of that Greek nepotism to become one of the most successful people in Hollywood.
The smart water spokeswoman.
Yes, I love Jennifer Aniston.
She had some of the first nipples I ever saw on television.
Important.
Yeah.
Important nipples.
Because the Friends set must have been freezing cold.
All the time.
Sean, we gave away our podcast name.
It's Important Nipples.
We talk about everybody's It's Important Nipples. Important Nipples.
We talk about everybody's first experience with nipples.
Alec Baldwin, also Important Nipples.
Jennifer Aniston.
She was on the Late Late Show promoting dumpling.
And I got out of an elevator she was about to get on.
And she gave me a brief up and down.
I don't think she was checking me out.
on and she gave me a brief up and down.
I don't think she was checking me out, but it was enough of an up and down that there's this tiny 0.001% of my head that's like-
You're jerking off to that for two years.
She was checking you out.
She's so beautiful in person, isn't she?
I met her once in person.
A comedy seller.
Gorgeous.
I met her in person and was like, you are so pretty.
And cool too.
She was just like really fun.
I met her at the comedy seller.
Guess what she said to me?
She reached her hand out and she goes, hi, I'm Jen. And I was like, okay. All was just, like, really fun. I met her at the Comedy Cellar. Guess what she said to me? She reached her hand out
and she goes,
hi, I'm Jen.
And I was like,
okay.
All right.
No, you're not.
Okay, well,
I just jazzed in my pants.
Jen Hanniston,
that's a great pick, man.
Quick note,
because I didn't
say it earlier,
this whole thing about kate hudson
going the wrong direction because of the rom-com oh yeah right same thing befell uh or the opposite
befell patrick swayze who i read was supposed to be a much bigger star for much longer yeah but
refused to do because he got more he wanted to do roadhouse and Point Break. He wanted to be an action star
like Bruce Willis.
So his agent was like,
do chick movies.
They love you.
He's like, no.
I'm doing Roadhouse.
And then
misdiagnosed his charms.
Yeah.
He's not.
He killed his own career.
He did because he
isn't like a tough looking guy.
No, he's a dancer.
But I love that he thought
that he was a beautiful dancer
and an action hero. Yeah yeah i could dance with chicks or i could stick pool cues on people's asses
i could dance around these villains i want to be in an action movie like west side story
all right sorry no no not sorry at. Okay, time for the final pick.
My final pick.
The final pick of the draft.
And I can't believe she's still on the board.
I'm going to take Angelina Jolie.
Oh, yeah.
Daughter of John Voight.
Honestly, doesn't this whole category just remind you that every single famous person is related to somebody famous?
I thought her dad was Billy Bob Thornton.
That's her daddy.
That's her daddy, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
John Voight.
Yeah.
John Voight.
Is her dad.
Has or had an estranged relationship with, right?
Still, they had a terrible relationship with.
I do believe anyone.
Well, he's a piece of shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think anyone who's had a relationship with John Voight has an estranged relationship.
Except for the Republican Party.
Exactly.
I was going to say.
Clint Eastwood maybe gets calls.
Yeah.
Congratulations, GOP. You get John Voight. Yeah. I was going to say, Clint Eastwood maybe gets calls. Yeah. Congratulations, GOP.
You get Jon Voight.
Yeah.
Jon Voight.
James Woods.
The boys are back in town.
The GOP should make one of those
like Wild Hogs movies
that are like those
bucket list type of movies.
And it's those fucking assholes.
What is it?
Travolta?
Who was in Wild Hogs?
Is Tim Allen in one of those? Yeah, Tim Allen. It really is it Travolta who was in Wild Dogs isn't Tim Allen
in one of those
yeah Tim Allen
it really is a GOP comedy
yeah but like
one of those road trip
like movies
where the guys
are trying to like
kick off
one of them's dying
or something
yeah we gotta get
to the RNC
no it should be
where they go
they're like
we'll build the wall
and they go down
and build the wall
but they have to
road trip there
through the deep south
they have to fight
Antifa
to get down
and then they end up befriending a Mexican family and realizing that they're wrong But they have to road trip there through the deep south. They have to fight Antifa to get down there.
And then they end up befriending a Mexican family and realizing that they're wrong.
Oh, that would never happen. That doesn't happen.
Ah, you fell for a trap.
Now we'll murder you.
But Angelina Jolie, yeah.
Great one.
Probably would have made it anyway.
Just one of the most beautiful humans.
Oh, my God.
Truly, I remember seeing hackers in theaters when I was 11 years old and just being like, holy shit, this person with her pixie haircut.
I got to say, I swear to God I'm not trying to be a contrarian.
I swear to God.
But from day one with Angelina Jolie, I've had this thing where I'm like, it's like everybody literally in the world is seeing the color red and I'm seeing the color green.
That's so interesting.
Oh, she just doesn't do it for you.
She just does not do it for me.
I guess if that's what the way to describe it is, everyone's seeing one thing and you're seeing another.
I'm a contrarian.
Yes.
But I'm saying I'm not doing it for its own sake.
But it just doesn't, it just never landed with you.
Even before I was a contrarian, I didn't understand.
I've got that with certain people where I can't remember them right now, but where I'm just like.
Yeah, I mean, like, I think I get that with like, like, I don't like Kendall Jenner.
I don't think.
Sure.
Or the Hadids.
The Hadids.
Actually, that's definitely one of them.
The Hadids, I don't understand.
I do not get what people are saying in them.
Yeah.
When you get when you get Kourtney Kardashian, my penis is flying around the room.
You're like the 40-year-old version.
It shoots off my head.
It shoots off my body.
Are there any dudes
where they're universally hot? There's probably a lot.
Oh, God.
Where I'm like, I don't get it. Where I'm like,
I don't get it.
Yeah.
Besides Ian. Yeah,
actually a lot of people,
I have never ever thought
Leonardo DiCaprio
was good looking.
Okay,
that's a good one.
He's kind of trashy looking.
That's how the creator
thinks he's hot.
When I was like 10
and he was on Growing Pains,
I was like,
oh,
he's cute
because he was,
I thought he looked my age
and then I feel like
he never looked older.
No,
he doesn't.
So as I grew up, I was like, he looks the same.
I'm not big into him.
He just looks worse every year, but not older.
He looks the same age, but worse.
He looks like he still hasn't gone to sleep.
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So he's my version, I guess, of your Angelina and your Kendall Jenner.
Super producer Marissa.
Wait, was Kendall the hot one or is the other one the hot one?
I thought you were asking me who makes my dick fall off and fly around the room going
bing bang bong.
That'll be the next episode.
Which we're starting right now.
Two more hours.
Put it on the clock.
So, Angelina Jolie, that wraps it up.
That's a good one.
Just to recap from the top, Kara, you went Alison Williams, Liv Tyler, Dakota Johnson,
Mariska Hargitay, and then Charlie Sheen.
Five important women in Hollywood.
Julian, you went Julian Casablancas, Julian Lennon, Jacob Dillon, Mike Lawrence, our friend,
Michael Lawrence, and then Emilio Estevez.
Sean, you went Stella McCartney, Polly Shore, Sofia Coppola, Ken Griffey Jr., and then
Jen Aniston.
That's going to be the guest list at my funeral.
Yeah.
I already know.
And one of them did it.
They have to find out before the end of the funeral.
I hope it wasn't my buddy.
I went last,
and I took Kate Hudson,
Ben Stiller,
RFK,
Laura Dern,
and Angelina Jolie.
Great.
The heavy hitter crew.
I mean, everyone's works.
Yeah.
Kara, you said something that I was thinking on the way here, which is this came up for
me a long time ago where you start talking about who came from something.
And it's overwhelming how many people came from something in this business to the point
where it would
have been a much more interesting list to talk about people who didn't come from anything.
Even like Julia, Julia, Louis Dreyfus.
Oh yeah.
Or even people.
Even Julia.
We all know she's like.
We know shipping heirs.
But she, yeah, like she comes just from a massive amount of money.
Like Nick Kroll comes from a lot of money.
He doesn't come from anyone you'd know of, but like. But just of money. Like Nick Kroll comes from a lot of money. He doesn't come from anyone you'd know of
but like
there's just people
that come from so much money
that their parents are like
what do you want to do
and it's like got it.
You know?
We lost some good ones
on the board.
Carrie Fisher.
Oh yeah.
Aquafina.
Her dad is an Aquafina
Aquafina boss.
Oh my god.
Well we
I can't believe
none of us picked Jaden or Willow Smith.
I know.
Well, I don't really care about either of them.
Hey, I do say, did you see that article that Willow Smith got mad at her parents because
she was like, why did you let me do that?
I didn't want to do that.
What, whip my hair?
Whip my hair?
Yeah, she didn't want to create the banger of a fucking summer.
Well, she was basically like, I was too young and I was thrown into that and I wasn't into it.
Oh, bummer.
And then Jaden's like, can you actually get me another Karate Kid movie?
So the kids who have made a complete identity out of the fact that their parents don't control them are pissed that their parents didn't send one out.
Willow's, I guess, stayed out of the spotlight since then.
Since Whip My Hair?
Well, she does Red Table Talks with her mom, which are massive on Facebook.
Oh, I didn't know that.
It's her and Jada and Jada's mom. So it's three generations.
And like they
talk to each other.
It's really cool. Will Smith is a
good example of someone without any nepotism.
Just pure fucking charisma.
Oh yeah, that's true. He didn't come from
anybody special. I wanted to close this on
one person who I found out
who is, so Haley Steinfeld.
Oh, yeah.
Is it related to Jerry Steinfeld?
It's not related
to Jerry Steinfeld,
but her uncle
is Jake Steinfeld,
otherwise known
as Body by Jake.
No!
No!
Really?
Which I just thought
was fucking hilarious.
That's right.
He's like,
you want me to open doors?
Oh, I can open
all the doors.
Here's another one people don't know
is Billy Corgan
from Smashing Pumpkins
yeah
he was the kid from
Little Small Wonder
small
a lot of people
is that nepotism
or just a hoax
I think that makes sense
it's a hoax
but also not nepotism.
That wraps it up.
We want to make sure
you send us your
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If you want to send us
an email,
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at gmail.com.
Shout out to everyone
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We love you.
Shout out to super producer
Marissa.
Shout out to St. Sue Carmel. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the dude. Shout out to H on the Patreon. We love you. Shout out to Super Producer Marissa. Shout out to St. Sue Carmel.
Shout out to Frankie Ocean.
Shout out to Sid the Dude.
Shout out to Haji Beats.
Jordan Katz.
Shout out to George.
Shout out to George.
Well, yeah.
Shout out to George Katz.
Solomon Katz.
Shout out to Solomon Katz who became George Carmel.
Yeah, fucking.
I guess if you're listening to this and you're in the Pacific Northwest, we'll see you tomorrow
at Revolution Hall and at the Douglas Fair, hopefully.
Also, happy birthday, St. Sue Carmel.
Oh, yeah.
Happy belated.
Yeah.
March 3rd was St. Sue's birthday.
Your mom?
Yeah.
Oh, happy birthday.
March 1st was Ivan Carmel's birthday.
So there we go.
And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode
of All Fantasy Everything. Woo woo. And then somebody say shaklakity. Shaklakity. Hell yeah. tune in again next week for another brand new episode of all fantasy,
everything.
And then somebody say Sha-clackity.
Sha-clackity.
Hell yeah. That was a HeadGum Podcast.