All Fantasy Everything - Nicknames for Body Parts (w/ Beth Stelling)

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Welcome back to AFE, your premier poetry podcast.Guest:Beth Stelling (@bethstelling)Support the show!Join the AFE Patreon at patreon.com/allfantasy for ad-free episodes, mailbags, a...uction drafts, and other exclusive content.Watch the video podcast at youtube.com/@AllFantasyEverything.Advertise on AFE!Advertise on All Fantasy Everything via Gumball.fm.Follow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian KarmelSean JordanDavid GborieIsaac K. LeeSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:02:08 On today's episode, we are drafting nicknames for body parts. Our guest today is our friend, the wonderful stand-up comedian, Beth Stelling. Hey. Hey, it's to be here. So nice to have you here. One of the very first Funny Over Everything comedians, a show that we used to do in Portland. That's right. We're talking like 12 years ago.
Starting point is 00:02:29 Wow. We knew it. It was so cool. I had a fun time. Those shows were really fun. Truly. In the Hollywood theater. Yeah, a special spot.
Starting point is 00:02:40 Poorly was a special. I never did it. Well, see, I don't know if you knew this. I found this out that David, that was one of the things he wanted to do. Like, that was on your list, right? Yeah. That's cool. Before we ever met.
Starting point is 00:02:50 It makes me feel cool. It was like, funny over everything. Kill a guy. Surf a big way. And those are our names of shows, by the. He did the other two. You didn't kill a guy in Sacramento. Did he kill a guy in an alley?
Starting point is 00:03:05 That would be a dope neighbor's show. Who books Kill a guy? A lunatic. You get an envelope. He's a retired cop that everybody thinks just makes chest pieces. He's worried about getting canceled. Never does. Never does.
Starting point is 00:03:21 Big Wave Dave. I would love to see you take on a big wave, dude. Now that you're back in L.A. Oh, shit. You know, I knew a guy named Big Wave Day. I don't want to... I knew a youth pastor named Big Wave Dave. Really?
Starting point is 00:03:30 I respect the power of the ocean a lot. I do too. It's very scary out there. It's huge. It's most of this. Yeah. It's so scary. Most are casher surfs.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Yeah. Herbrenel are surfs. Yeah. Mishon surfs. There's a few surf in comics. My boyfriend Adam. Your boyfriend Adam? Your boyfriend, Adams.
Starting point is 00:03:44 Newark. Andy Wood surfs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I stay at his crib. There's a bunch of surfboards by the fridge. It's hilarious. There's like six surfboards.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Right next to the fridge right now. What'd you say? I missed it. I said, practice in the pool. You cracked your head on the side of the pool. What are you doing? I'm trying to pop up. Your kids could be in the shallow end. I'm in the deep end.
Starting point is 00:04:06 If you get the kids on a jumping schedule here, I need a little bit of undeflation. It's kind of running in a certain way. And I don't have an amazing upper body, so it's a lot for me. So just tell your kids could be cool. I get a lot of core strength. I don't have a lot of that either. A lot of core strength, brother. I got legs, brother.
Starting point is 00:04:22 That's what I got. And I know how to use them. You do have some legs. And we'll maybe talk about some nicks. names for those likes. It's my favorite thing. Gams? Wait,
Starting point is 00:04:29 what am I'm sorry? I didn't eat it. I'm sorry. I couldn't know myself. I haven't been on in a while. David's all calm with his cold brew and we're freaking out with our La Croyce. Because we had our cold brew
Starting point is 00:04:44 already. Yeah, you guys already did it. It's already cranking. I had a couple shots of the shush in the kitchen over there. Hoshish. You were smoking hashish in the kitchen. I saw that.
Starting point is 00:04:52 A little brown liquid. Snuck in a little bit of the bag. What did you have a whiskey? Yeah. I killed the rest of the shush. To the, not penalty, bullet, yeah, yeah. A little whiskey business in there, huh? Well, I'm Ian Carmel, the host.
Starting point is 00:05:04 And with me, as always in my friend, Sean Jordan, David Ford. That's your Tinder profile before you got married. Ian Carmel, the host. Ian Carmel, the host. The host of your orgasm. I'd love to, hi, I'm Ian. I'd love to host some of your orgasms. That would bum me out.
Starting point is 00:05:19 If a girl said that, I'd like to host an orgasm? If a girl said that to you, that would bum you out? Yeah, I'm married. All right. Oh, I want you to. host my orgasm. I'd love you to host my orgasms.
Starting point is 00:05:29 I'd love for you to feature. Yeah. I can have a feature comedian's baby. No. 30 minutes, no meal. No. I would just say in the other day about how clubs say when they say
Starting point is 00:05:48 like, we'll feed you. I hate it so much. I know. Because they're like, we'll give you 250 and we'll feed you and you're like, I'm not some gutter. Like, yeah, just like. Also, just give me the two. 75. Right. Yeah. I'll feed myself.
Starting point is 00:05:58 I'll find my own cheese sticks. I don't want a piece of salmon that's been frozen since the Clinton administration. Don't, who does have good food though? I remember that club in Minnesota. Hilarities. Hilarities has good food. Yeah, really good restaurant. I want to say one, but then I want to say one, but it went downhill a little so I won't. Oh, what was it? Oh, I'm sad to say it. I can cut it. You can cut it. What is it? You're talking about Bloomington? No. Oh. It was, um. And we're back in
Starting point is 00:06:28 I'm trying to think about clubs that have good food Because look Most don't Acme's got really good food Acme's got good food Because they're attached to that restaurant That's what I was saying Yeah
Starting point is 00:06:39 So they have like restaurant food You know what? I like the chicken sandwich at the improv I like chicken figures almost anywhere You can give it chicken tenders You really can't go wrong with Yeah but the chicken sandwich at the improv Have you had it?
Starting point is 00:06:50 Not the spicy one I've had a chicken sandwich at an improv Okay fried chicken Pretty good at the improv. I've done improv In exchange for chicken. Yeah. If you're going to the comedy club and you're like dinner is part of what you expect to be dope,
Starting point is 00:07:03 that's on you. It shouldn't have to be. Yeah, I agree. It should be serviceable and at best. The feed you is basically like and drink tickets. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:13 We'll water you. Well, we'll water you. We'll water you, well, drink. We'll water you, cow boy. You disgusting pig. And then we'll let you go up for 20 minutes. That man who called me a disgusting pig. Who?
Starting point is 00:07:25 Sean Jordan. Oh, oh. I was referring to the general. Yeah. He was referring to his father-in-law. Your garden variety discussed in the inn. Yeah, your garden variety, Ian, disgusting. Sean Cougarmel and Jordan on Instagram.
Starting point is 00:07:38 This is coming out September 18th. Where can people see you? High Plains tonight. Oh, yes. Tomorrow and Saturday. We'll be working all three days. All right. That's in Denver.
Starting point is 00:07:48 High Plains drifters. Yeah. And then first week in October, I'll be at the Euclair, O'Clair, comedy club or the plus it's called second week i'll be in grand rapids at dr grins your your boy why do you think it's called you claire it's e a i don't know it's it's e a u claire it's you claire i think is what i would say but even in french it's oh de like a toilet all right so cut out when ian interrupted me and then uh third week in october i'll be in rapid city just leave in me talking and then i won't seem like i was interrupting yeah third week in
Starting point is 00:08:18 october i'll be in rapid city and then oh i don't know where else i'll be tickle fight You can catch these hands all day. That's what a soft boy means when he's talking about fighting, when he's tickle plate. Have you heard the new wet leg album? No. Good. It's good. I thought there was something more to that.
Starting point is 00:08:36 The album Wetleg, do you have a song called Catch These Fests? Okay, cool. Anyway. David. It can be funnier for the rest of this? Nah, dude. I'm post-commoded. I'm going to tell a couple poems.
Starting point is 00:08:47 I'm on my Isaac shit this episode. Do you think you can write a good poem? I think I could write a poem? I can. You think a good poem? I'm actually published. Are you really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:58 In Poitri? In some anthology in third grade. Whoa. It was a poem about fall. Did it rhyme? It did. Bright colors coming from the trees. Kitty cat stitching their fleas.
Starting point is 00:09:12 Candy corn and pumpkin pie. It looks superb to my eye. Oh, my God. Acorns on the ground crunching under my feet. Look, it's almost time to eat. now sean superb means great I might have got some of it wrong honestly I also like that you still have it
Starting point is 00:09:31 yeah that's very I remember poems I do like some of my favorite ones by like Auden or Eminem Eminem you know you in a Mary Oliver at all I have a book by her she was not one of the ones I clung to
Starting point is 00:09:47 enough for it to stick to my brain I love Mary Oliver yeah she is great But that very surface level poem stuff And I don't remember any of them Wild Geese That's one of her There's one by Mary Oliver
Starting point is 00:10:01 Are you just on your phone? You're not even looking at anything on your phone She had a bunch of poetry texts She had a bunch of poetry texts You're coming in Hold on I gotta find this Mary Oliver poem Because it's a great
Starting point is 00:10:15 Like it's a real This has been my long con by the way To make this into a poetry podcast This is exactly what I made Imagine in poetry. I love poetry, too. I have a good friend who's a poet. It seems like a very difficult life. It's a, it's not an affluent lifestyle. No, he lives in Berlin and he's having a tough go. Yeah, I bet. I bet, yeah. Or you could just get into this comedy like Langston. Well, that's how he started. Is that how you were talking about? No,
Starting point is 00:10:38 it's my friend Zeke. Oh, Zeeke. Langston also was a poet. Yeah. Oh, that's how he said that. That's what, that's how he and I bonded in high plains. He was over poetry? We're talking about poetry while eating pizza. Let's talk about something I know about. Are you wearing your socks? Oh, yeah, but I accidentally I love your socks. I've been wanting to, it's weird for me to text you to be like, I love your socks, but I love
Starting point is 00:10:59 them. I have a new colorway available that's coming to my store. Dude, I made some socks for a while and picking the colorways is the most fun thing. Yeah. We're just like, what do I think looks dope? Yeah, Sean was doing socks. Yeah, I didn't steal the idea from anyone. Sox have been around for a long time. I didn't steal it to bed. I wear my own merch. I like that. Not everybody does, but yeah, I wear my own words.
Starting point is 00:11:18 I love them. I wanted the camera to see them. I watched these with red shorts, and I kind of, they're a little too pink. Oh, are they not supposed to be pink? They're white, but I washed them with red shorts. Yeah, but it looks fun. I was on the road and I... When the whole thing is the same color.
Starting point is 00:11:33 I applaud you for doing laundry on the road. Well, I was gone for so long. Was it a month? No, this one actually was like, maybe it wasn't the longest I've been out. Honestly, it could have been like 10 days. It just felt like a month. month. Ten days feels like a long time now.
Starting point is 00:11:49 It really did feel so long for some reason. And I think it's because I had a week. No. I just, in between the weekends. The road got longer. I used to, I wanted time was out for like nine weeks from San Francisco. And now it's like four days and I'm like, I got to get home. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:05 Everything's going to be so different. It was two weekends basically. That's a lot, though. But it was Wednesday through the following Sunday, but it just felt long. Yeah, that's long. And I was coming down the coast. I went down. The coast.
Starting point is 00:12:18 You're doing the Pacific Crest Trail? Just walking doing stand-up. It was... It was Vermont. Did Burlington and Vermont Comedy Club? Did you go to the Coat Factory when you were in Burlington at all? Stop. Do you think if there was something called the Curlington Boat Factor, would say boats?
Starting point is 00:12:31 E! The Burlington Coat Factory would see them or later? The Burlington Bath Factory. All right. Stellington Bath. What about the Bedbethington Beyond factory? Do you think that would fly? Bath Bath Bath and Beyond.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Would you open a store called Beth Bath Bath & Beyond? Bed Barth and Beyond. Beth Barf and Beyond? Beth Barf and Beyond? Beth Barf and Beyond next special. Come on. You know what? I might.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Got to write a half hour on barf. Best Barth and Beyond. David Borgie is here. Cool Buy Jokes 87 on Instagram. Birth of a Nation out now on 800 pound gorilla on YouTube. On YouTube, we're trying to get to 10,000 views. We're getting there easy. Because then I'll feel like good about my...
Starting point is 00:13:14 What? That's your like... Are you kidding? I thought you were doing a joke last time. I'm setting my bar low because I already feel good about what I made and I don't want the numbers. I hear you. If I would be floored if it didn't get to 10,000.
Starting point is 00:13:25 You're going to get floored either way, dude. I'm going to deck you in the face. That is the difference of putting on something on YouTube is you see those numbers and you're like, because, you know, we're already the sum of our followers, right? Yeah. That's all you mean is how many followers are you have you pieces of shit. And if you only get so many views, you're also a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:13:45 Yeah. And remember that. There's a lot of ways to be a bad person who isn't worth anything. More than ever. But you're so hard looking at that and not having it affect you. I'm glad that I already put it out and did it and got money for it and stuff. And now it's got a second life on YouTube where people who don't like comedy will find it. And that'll be fun to not read the comments.
Starting point is 00:14:03 I got a brick. So I'm not seeing any of this. If they don't like comedy, they're going to love your special. I'm going to beat the shit out of it. Get them. Why don't we beat the shit out of dinner later? Fill it with rocks. and take you to task.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Let's beat the shit out of some friendship after this. I'm going to hook crab apples at you from a close distance. You're not going to pull my card, are you? Are you going to pull my card? Is my number up? Your number's up. Your number's up.
Starting point is 00:14:29 Shucks. I'm going to wrap a baseball bat and a swimming towel and tee off on your face. Swimming towels are big, dude. Your race has been run, Sean, Jordan. I'm going to bear hug you and jump down the stairs. I'm not being hung out to dry.
Starting point is 00:14:44 I'm not being hung out to dry. I'm going to put a trampoline on a need the fan and then start throwing stuff at your feet and make you jump. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Let's go. And the fan's going to catch your bill and shirt. Look, I didn't totally work it out before I said it. No, it was, you know, it had all the parts. It was there. And that's good. Yeah, thank you. Because you have to have scary parts for it to feel very
Starting point is 00:15:01 violent. It feels like a donkey to make him jump. I'm going to hit you on the car. Thumbtacks. He's got to stand in the road. You know what I'm going to do is I'm going to sew your asshole clothes. Oh! Wait a minute. I'm going to keep. He's stealing. He's stealing. He's stealing. And Eating you. You would have to sedate for me to sit still for that. I'm going to trick you into dressing like a sardine for a sardine party. I'm going to lure a show up and I go, oh, sardine party.
Starting point is 00:15:25 I'm going to lure a pelican into the vicinity who's going to fly down, scoop you up in its pelican pouch and then fly off to the ocean. Better be a scrappy pelican, I tell you. It is a scrappy pelican. It's one of the scrappier one. I'm going to drizzle honey on your nipples and invite a unfriendly bear. Now we're talking. That just happened in Happy Gilmore, too. Did it happen in Happy Gilmore, too?
Starting point is 00:15:43 No! Oh, easy. Just because I stole an idea and it was a little more obvious about it. You can front all you want over there. Does that really happen? Spoiler alert. That is the fate of Travis Kelsey and Happy Gilmore, too. Oh.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Fuck. Live by the bear, die by the bear. Travis Kelsey. You guys know he's with Taylor Swift? No. Who's that? Popular Nashville-based music. She's another poet you should check out.
Starting point is 00:16:11 Okay. Looking up at the stars I know quite well That for all they care I could go to hell Whoa That's very what is that That's W.H. Auden Is it really? Oh, I thought it was Taylor Swift
Starting point is 00:16:24 The more loving one Anyways, birth of a nation David's way On YouTube David's way David's version David's version Birth has a G before it
Starting point is 00:16:34 This said you know this be the verse By Philip Larkin Which is a poem I liked a lot more Before I had a kid Really? Yeah I don't know that one Just because kids suck
Starting point is 00:16:42 movies are dope Getting drunk rules. They fuck you up your mom and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had and add some extra just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn by fools and old style hats and coats
Starting point is 00:16:54 who half the time were soppy stern and half the time at another's throats. Man, hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can and don't have any kids yourself. I remember that one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:07 And you're like 20. You're like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's on Driftwood. They sell them in Brooklyn Boat Factory. But now I have a son, and I'm like, that's bullshit. It's good to have kids. Unfortunately, that's not bullshit.
Starting point is 00:17:20 Yeah. As I sit with a four-year-old daughter, do I love more than anything in the world. Don't have kids? No, I'm kidding. I was just trying to do a book. Oh, I was going to ask you if I should have kids. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:30 It's the best. It's awesome. But you guys didn't have to put them out of your penis. No. I did. Yours came out of your penis? He came out of my penis. I'm not sure it's a kid.
Starting point is 00:17:38 It's a kid. It hasn't really taken shape yet. It's sort of been laying there for months. I'm hoping. I love it. And that's what matters. I dress it up every day. It's got one of those little umbrellas in it right now.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Yeah. Beth Stelling is here. Yeah. The landlord special available now on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. And it's one. I was going to say it's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:18:09 I haven't watched it yet. Don't watch it. baby. I'm gonna watch it. Yeah, don't watch it. I'm gonna watch it. I'm begging you not to. I'm just kidding. You should watch it. Um, it's on YouTube. Go free. I actually, um, I don't have a YouTube presence, but I put it on my own channel. Yeah. And I got the notification that I could possibly start earning money. And I'm thinking that's in terms of even 50 cents to a dollar. That's exciting. What do you plan on spending that? Are you going to invest it? I don't know. I haven't seen any money yet. And I don't know when it will equal $100, but keep watching. And I put it.
Starting point is 00:18:41 I guess there's an ad on it now. I think you get a million views, you get $100. Oh. Is that it? No, I don't know. Oh. Yeah, me neither. I don't think it's a ton of money in YouTube.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I mean, unless you're Mr. Beast or whatever, but I don't think like your average. Yeah. Mr. Beast is what I call the creature I pulled out of my penis. We can't name it until it's born. You know what you should do if you earn any money off your special. What? Get yourself a nice calzone. Okay.
Starting point is 00:19:04 I was thinking more of a croissant. Oh, all right. Are we saying, should I say where I'm going to be? Yes. This weekend, I'm in Timonium, Maryland, at Magoobie's. It's embarrassing to say that. Magubis. But I'll be there.
Starting point is 00:19:20 It's in Baltimore area. You're going to rent a car? Should I? Yes. Okay. Not a lot to do in Timonium, Beth. All right. Have you been in Mugis before?
Starting point is 00:19:26 I've never been there. Okay, so I hate to be rude. Did they ever say Pantomonium? Huh? Antimonium. Nobody said it to me. Okay. Oh, can I just say this to you?
Starting point is 00:19:36 Come see me in Nashville, Louisville, Cincinnati, early October. Hell yeah. Bethstelling.com. Get your rent a car. Okay. Drive to Baltimore. Okay. It's really charming and fun.
Starting point is 00:19:45 I had a great time in Baltimore. I do like Baltimore a lot. Yeah. I'd never been. Baltimore. Baltimore. Voldemort. Voldemort.
Starting point is 00:19:50 Baltimore. Pantamonium. Pantamonium and Baltimore. Anything else you'd like to promote? New special. Lots of fun dates. Search the landlord special on YouTube, you know? And also I have specials on Netflix and HBO Max.
Starting point is 00:20:03 The Netflix one I think might be coming down because it was two-year licensing. Oh, interesting. So you have until October 3rd to watch that. they, unless they say, we'll take it again, which, you know, anybody, my manager said they probably won't. Nice. So get on it. Get on it while you can.
Starting point is 00:20:22 But then you'll own it again. Yeah. And then maybe it'll be on that YouTube channel that I have. I've been hearing good things about this YouTube situation. You've got to follow Beth on YouTube. Follow all fantasy everything and then follow Beth on YouTube. And I can promise, I'm not going to post off and I will not bother you. It's not going to be a chill sit.
Starting point is 00:20:37 No, no, no. You're going to find yourself in a chill sit. Yeah. My name is Ian Carmel. Buy my book, T-shirt Swim Club. Come see us at High Plains. You can watch my special. Comfort Beyond God's Foresight on YouTube as well.
Starting point is 00:20:50 Yep. That's about it, folks. Same website. Same website as David. We're like label mates. We're like label mates. We're like Taylor and whoever else is on that. Is Sabrina on the same label?
Starting point is 00:21:01 No clue. She's on one of the songs. Who's Taylor? Who's Sabrina? I know Sabrina Carpenter because of the espresso thing that kept happening on the radio. It's a good. It was a bit of an earworm. and it got me.
Starting point is 00:21:11 She's got some fun ones. I love it. It's all great to me. You know the song, nonsense? Oh, yeah. Love a song. What's that, that embarrass me,
Starting point is 00:21:19 motherfucker? What's that song? That's nonsense. Nonsense? No, that's, please, please, please. Oh, please. That's a good one.
Starting point is 00:21:26 The way she says motherfuckers, so it's just. Motherfuckers. David, your thoughts. I saw a picture of her. And let's get to drafting. We're draft. nicknames for body parts.
Starting point is 00:21:42 It's a real fun draft. Now, the way we determine the order of this draft is a rollicking game of rock paper scissors. Now, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, I have thoughts. Well, yeah, that's what we're drafting next. Okay. I'm drafted the cat. Between the three of you, all three of you're playing
Starting point is 00:21:55 a game of rock paper scissors at the same time. We throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, cats, we have to throw again. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. No. Oh, cats again.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Wait, wait. Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. shoot? Oh no! Cats again! What's happening? Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, no! No! What are the odds? One more time and you pick. I think he had to pick. One more time than I pick.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh! So somebody just sent me the odds of that happening five times in a row are like 56,000 to one. Six times in a row. Get on it. Can you also isolate the noise that Sean made I needed as a ring back to him? Yeah, absolutely. I thought it was if someone who farted. What are the odds of all of us farting at the same time?
Starting point is 00:22:46 Are they better or worse than what just happened? I didn't mean to sound so commanding when I said, please get on that. And I would love to read the DM about the statistics. Are we going to do, we have to try one. No, I'm going, I got a pick now, right? No, I don't want to touch it again. Right, it feels like something evil will happen if we do it again.
Starting point is 00:23:05 We'll open a portal. Hell opens up and swallows the studio. Yeah, hell opens up with the devil pick. and he's not very funny. Nick, Nick names for body parts and the order of today's draft is going to be.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Did you guys don't think the devil would be very, very funny? I think he'd be the funniest one. I don't think so. Wait, I'm sorry, what? I miss that. The devil. It's a dumb riff that these two are going down.
Starting point is 00:23:26 If we showed up right now? Yeah, the devil would be funny. Just in general. I think Chris ain't, I think David Blaine's the closest we have to the devil and he ain't that funny. David Blaine?
Starting point is 00:23:36 You're going to try to say Chris Angel first and I saw you in your process in real time. Wishful thinking to think he would be funny. Really? I think God wouldn't be fun. Definitely not. God is definitely not.
Starting point is 00:23:46 What if God is... God could be funny the way John Klein is funny. I think both of these women are very funny. I just haven't met them. The order of the draft is Beth, Sean, David, Ian.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Ian's going last. Boom, boom, boom, boom. But I think funny is like an evil trait because it's used to hide... That's the cold brew talking. You know what I mean? I'm Jack. You're freaking out.
Starting point is 00:24:07 I'm not. Mike's off now Mike's off now You weren't ready for this We just transported to Austin Oh no We're gonna tell the truth on this one Yeah
Starting point is 00:24:19 I'm not a comic I'm a truth telling More of a prophet Dressed like a shithead I forgot to have you explain What a serpentine draft is Because that's what this is But I already know that
Starting point is 00:24:29 So I didn't need you to explain it But just in case anyone Doesn't know what a serpentine draft is It's like when you're scanning the shelves For an item Ah Like this back and forth.
Starting point is 00:24:39 If you pick fourth in the first room, you pick first in the second. So I have a bunch of options. It's hard for me to narrow it down. Well, you're the first one on the board. Everything. I just remember, though, and I know that you're aware, but you go eight after this.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Or no, sixth. Wait, what's the order? Beth, me, you, Ian. But what do you mean, I go eight? Those Best, John, David, Ian, and then before you get your next pick, it's going to be. It's going to, we're running through eight.
Starting point is 00:25:01 So I might lose some ones that I want. I guess seven more picks. You probably will. Why not just three? Because it's served dint. so it bounces back. So like, I'll go, David'll go, Ian'll go, Ian'll go, David'll go, I'll go, and then you get your second pick. What?
Starting point is 00:25:14 Who'd have done a better job? That seems like the devil made that. The devil did. It's called a serpentine raft. Why are we doing it like that? Is that because I'm here? Been like that for nine years. Oh, I just didn't remember.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Tradition. All right. So I have to be really mindful. Tradition. And what I'm saying is I'm picking, what? Oh, Isaac needs me to take a break. Sorry, Beth. Sorry, our producer wanted to cut you off.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Sorry a woman was talking. Isaac started doing I know that bothers you, Isaac, so yeah, we'll just stop. Hey, Isaac, shut the fuck up. Studied poetry in college. Oh, you're so nice, too, and we're so mean, sorry. More like misogyny. We'll be right back.
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Starting point is 00:29:54 And we're back. Welcome back to all fantasy. Everything already in progress. about to make the first pick in the nicknames for body parts draft, Beth. Yep. This has been hard for me to choose, but I kind of want to start strong, like in one that I feel close, that feels close to me. And I guess I'm going to go with Thunder Thighs.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Oh, yeah. That's solid showing. Solid Shully. Thank you. I, by the way, I think maybe this started as an insult, Thunder Thighs. I think for sure. I don't think of it as an insult now. No, it's cool now.
Starting point is 00:30:28 Yeah. 100%. I remember it from, he said it on the METI professor. Oh. That's the first Thunder Thighs I remember. I don't know where I heard it, but due to the internet lately, I'm going to guess a piece of shit Howard Stern.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Okay. Everybody loves Howard Stern. I think he's a demon from hell. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I was like, I know that's a bad man. Yeah, I don't like it at all. I saw what he was doing and I was like, that's an evil person.
Starting point is 00:30:53 And if you follow, like, I think it's St. Hokes or something. keeps posting the Butterface Butterface competition Yeah, that's right That's been going around a bunch lately And I'm like, yeah, that's who he is And everybody can say like
Starting point is 00:31:05 He's the most interview and he's changed over time And I accept that People totally can change over time Yeah But how he got there is so gross It's interesting Like because I've never been a stern person Me neither
Starting point is 00:31:16 People are so diehard They're die hard It's surprising people too Yeah maybe it's like the It's like the poem you read Like you still love your parents Even though they really messed you up Maybe that's what it is yeah
Starting point is 00:31:25 Howard's turn is not my dad but I remember having such gross feelings I guess that's sort of we took a turn here I'm sorry but the point is it reminds me of something that he would have said to a woman who comes on the show but like in a mean way in a mean way and so it did used to be something mean but no yeah I have powerful legs
Starting point is 00:31:45 I have thunder thighs yeah that's where I take it now I think it was supposed to mean like overweight or whatever like thunder thighs I never took it like that because it sounds so powerful because it's crazy because, yeah, thunder's cool. Yeah. Yeah. I guess if we're thinking about it,
Starting point is 00:31:59 when the thigh drops on, like, boom, on the ground, it's like brr-because the fat or something maybe. But also muscle goes like this. I meant, sorry, like, the vibration from the ground up, it ripples up. Jurassic Park style. But I, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:32:15 But I would say muscles also up there. Also, if you're a fat person, you're going to have a musky, muscular, that's the word. Musky, musky, musky. You're going to have muskies. Muscly. muskly little legs, you're going to have thunderous thighs no matter what
Starting point is 00:32:29 anyway. Casey Musgraves. Casey Musgraves. Casey Musgraves kind of has thunder thighs. I don't even know what she looks like. It was purely a verbal reference. Well, yeah. She does a cover neon moon that is off
Starting point is 00:32:41 the wall good. The Garth Brooksville? I like her music. I only think my wife is beautiful, but there would have been a time when I would have been attracted to Casey Musgraves. Yeah, it's interesting you say thunder thighs. I do picture her as like pretty thin.
Starting point is 00:32:54 I think she has big, Is she not? I think she's kind of a thicker. Oh, man. I just got a bunch of notifications on my phone. You get more poem tests? I got more poem tests. More poems?
Starting point is 00:33:05 Plems. More poems? I would not protest if you guys want to read more poems. Okay. I know you wouldn't. Well, I don't. We wouldn't predict if you wanted to finish every episode with a poem. I would do that.
Starting point is 00:33:16 All right, I'll read a poem. Sean? I got one shot. Time for your first pick. Oh, okay. I guess that's why I call it window pain. I'm going the whole set of legs. I'm going with getaway sticks.
Starting point is 00:33:25 Okay, that's a good one. It's one of my favorite, and I just heard that. That's fun. I don't know, five years ago. Like, you know. The first time? Yeah, I think so. I feel like I've been hearing you say that for a decade.
Starting point is 00:33:36 I had a roommate who said that he was a man I did not trust. Yeah. Well, if you. When you rob someone, Pat their getaway sticks first because that's where their phone's going to be. Yeah, getaway sticks, man, just getting away, you know? Yes. Yeah. You want to do that Santa Feet one more time?
Starting point is 00:33:54 That was good Good, dude Getaway sticks Yeah It's just a Yeah Just fun I don't know
Starting point is 00:34:02 You know Got some nice Getaway sticks on you bud You just gonna let me Cook in it for a while Isaac Anything to say
Starting point is 00:34:09 Now it's a good pick After all that shit I talked You don't want to help me out here All right Any poems about legs I'm trying There's got to be She knows how to use them
Starting point is 00:34:20 Getaway sticks is an excellent pick David, time for your first pick Booty. Booty. Booty, booty, yeah, yeah. It's so funny. It's so funny.
Starting point is 00:34:30 It's so good. It makes you smile. And it like, throughout my life as a kid, it was like a word kind of nasty that you weren't supposed to say. Yeah. And then at some point, it graduated to this thing that like, old white ladies call it a boot. Yeah. So it's really gone the full. Damn it.
Starting point is 00:34:46 Yeah. And it's so fun. It's such a great. I think it's a great word for it. It's very playful. It's very playful. It's very light. Get your booty over here.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Get your old booty over. Get your hair, booty over there goes a booty. It's like you could do anything with it. You go ahead and get your booty on the dance floor while we're at it. Get your booty on the dance floor. Make my day. Shake your booty. Shake your freaking booty.
Starting point is 00:35:10 Why don't you? Get your booty on the floor tonight. Make my day. You could be Miss New booty. Yes. Oh, yeah. It's. My body's so booty.
Starting point is 00:35:19 That poem you wrote the kind of booty. Sorry, I don't want to be honest. Yeah, it could be bad. That was booty. Pirates. Booty. Oh, Pirates Booty. It's Trader Joe's.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Yeah. Is that what we're talking about? I love Pirates Boots. Yeah, the white, the white cheddar. Booty Call? Hilarious movie. Really? It really is.
Starting point is 00:35:38 I saw Booty Call at the new Beverly. It was so funny. I thought you were just about to say Booty Call Saul. Made up a whole show real quick. That was. Your lawyer that handles your booty calls for you. Shard Rhymes presents. Maybe I am more of a poet than I thought.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Tyler Pater is a booty calls off. Okay, I have another poem for this. Okay. This is just about booty calls. But it's by Dorothy Parker. By the time you swear you're his, shivering and sighing, and he vows his passion as infinite, undying. Lady, make note of this. One of you is lying.
Starting point is 00:36:19 God damn. Booty. Spalurdy on tonight Read my day Read that on your way out Sorry We were studying some chilling poems today
Starting point is 00:36:31 Well that was about Postnet Clarity I think Oh yeah yeah yeah that's true PNC PNC PNC I've been I've been talking about
Starting point is 00:36:38 On stage Really? I like that That's fun That's what the ballpark in Pittsburgh is named after PNC Park
Starting point is 00:36:43 Postnet Clarity Park Why the fuck am I in Pittsburgh Why don't I have With Parogies on it What the fuck's going on Time for my first pick and I'm going to go with the first
Starting point is 00:36:56 or booty could be sexualized I'm going to go with the full first full I guess not fully going Yiddish as is my want I'm going genital as is my option drafting schvance oh yeah
Starting point is 00:37:11 Schwantz is the penis schvance it might be the whole area but it definitely means penis and schvance to me is just the most fun way to say that It feels like gentle and honestly it's also sort of, it's feeling ethereal
Starting point is 00:37:26 right now. I don't know why you say. Yeah, it's like I can't grasp it. Well, you can't grasp it. It's definitely a soft penis. Yeah. Schwanz when you hear it. Oh. I think what I like about the word schvance, as opposed to many of the other slang for penis. Is it gets it the absurdity other
Starting point is 00:37:42 words for penis? Several. Dingling. Several. You know what I think of? It makes me, this is weird. It makes me think of your penis floating in a warm bath. Yes. But like very warm. Like the end of the bath warmth. Definitely.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Like a sea anatomy kind of. And it's just free. Yeah. There's no expectations. Yeah. It's at Lilith Faird. It's a cold day. You're just kind of like, shows were good tonight.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Yeah. It's prunnier than it was before. It's, and you're like, and I eat a salad. I'm just going to go to bed. Yeah. That's what schfons is to me.
Starting point is 00:38:12 I'm going to get up. We're going to go to the gym in the hotel. Good job, David. Yeah. It's responsible. You know, people talk a lot of shit about Cleveland, but it's pretty cool. You love Cleveland.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Cleveland is all right. It's okay. I was just rippin You love the club I love that And I love that hotel I like bone You like bone
Starting point is 00:38:29 I got a great Busy bone story To tell you after this Oh man Really? And I haven't heard it It better have happened Yesterday
Starting point is 00:38:36 How have I not heard this? So far none of you guys Have said any of the ones Other ones Well I got another pick Right Come up right here My favorite use
Starting point is 00:38:41 Of the word schfantz Is in crazy stupid love When Ryan Gosling says it Toes the Steve Correll Character I'll buy that for a second My schfantz is in your face You're not
Starting point is 00:38:49 You're not emasculated by this Yeah that's the how to see it. Hold on. Hold on. That feels like a mistake in some ways. It's almost like you could second guess that it means penis. Yeah. That's what's happening for me right now. Definitely. And it does mean penis, but it's a very gentle, absurd penis. Ryan Gosling, there's no instance where that man would say schvance. You don't think so? That is the gentilist man on the planet. Is he going? I've heard he's a pretty... Is Ryan Gosling
Starting point is 00:39:14 going? I've heard he's a pretty Gentile lover. You're right. He's a Gentile lover. If Ryan Gosling was Jewish, you don't think I would bring that up twice a day? I want to keep track. We've got Thunder thighs, booty. Getaway sticks and Schfantz. Okay. And now I'm about to make my second pick. How are you to spell Schfantz? You want me to tell you? S-C-H-V-O-N-T-Z.
Starting point is 00:39:34 I used a knife. S-C-H-F-O-N-T-Z. I don't know. I think it's S-C-H-V-A-N-Z. Is that how they're spelling it all right? I don't know. I thought it was a hard. I thought it was a hard. like schvance schfons. Oh, there is an F in there maybe schvance. I think about a schwanzy with a show.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Yeah, with the TZ at the end. I'm staying in the Yiddish neighborhood, but I'm rounding the corner. I'm running the corner. I'm getting out of the penis neighborhood. I'm walking around those thunder thighs. Oh. And I'm landing on the Tuckus. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one. You say Tugus a lot and it works every time. Tuckus? My only problem with Tukis?
Starting point is 00:40:10 Yeah. It never sounds like a big butt. Yeah. It's like a little one. I picture, like, a child's one that looks like a smush croissant. Yeah, little baby's got tookus. Yes. A tuchus. A tuchus. A tuchus.
Starting point is 00:40:23 It's a little tucas. Get your old tucas over here. Yeah, it's definitely, it's not a big butt. It's not a big butt. Nobody's like, damn, look at that tukas. No. Right, right, right, right. It's not, but it's, I mean, unless you're trying to be funny,
Starting point is 00:40:36 unless you're Ryan Gosling and crazy stupid love. I do like that movie. Not fooling anyone, by the way. But, great movie. Gosh, this is so hard. hard. But Tuckus, yeah. It's really fun to say.
Starting point is 00:40:47 No, Tuckus is a good, good word. It is different than Booty. Get your old Tuckus over here. It is different than Booty. I might go all Yiddish. Some of them, yeah, I have one. I might have Yiddish one that is in here. I'm excited to hear it if you do.
Starting point is 00:40:58 We'll see. I don't know if I go with it. David, it's not for your second. No, Shams, I thought. David? No, it's me? Wait, really? Oh, this one.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Yeah, okay. I really liked this even when I was a kid, man. A cool kid, man. Wait, shit. I feel like I should take one that I really want because there's so many people here. Grill for face. Okay, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:18 I love that. I really love it. Because that can meet, obviously, I think immediately teeth. Right. But it can mean things. All on your grill. Why are you all my grill? Busted grill.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Okay. Yeah. I guess I don't think about it as great face, but that's okay. Yeah. Because you need words for bad stuff too. Because it's like the front of a car, which is not a flattering. You do never, you're never like, man, they have an amazing, if you're talking about their face, they have such a beautiful grill. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:47 If I'm talking about a restaurant. Yeah, I'm sure. But if they're like, damn, I don't know, the grill's kind of busted. It's for bad. Or you're at like a super cook's house and he's got a lot of good stuff on the grill. Viking range. Like when I think about the word grill, I think about this guy I know who I used to buy weed off of. And he was like maybe the ugliest guy and he had a grill.
Starting point is 00:42:08 Yeah. I mean, I think of Paul and Nelly, dude. Okay, but also a girl. It might cause a cold front if I take a deep breath. Paul Wall's an ugly guy, you know. I don't know if we're prepared to go to battle with the Legion of Paul Wall fans. Don't you think Paul Wall's kind of an ugly guy? I think Paul Wall's interesting looking.
Starting point is 00:42:26 He's really grown into it. Yeah, look him up right now. He's doing like that Fred Birch thing where he's just like embracing the. Oh, he looks all right. Yeah. God, he looks fucking insane. Oh, man, look up Paul Wall if you're driving right now. No.
Starting point is 00:42:39 Wait. Wait, that went to his Facebook. You need to wait. You need to wait until you're at a stop sign. Take your phone off, do not deserve. You need to wait until you get home to Google. No, do it at a stop sign. What do you think of Paul Wall?
Starting point is 00:42:51 I don't like that. That's not a great picture. Show him right now with his hair long. It looks like a kid and then if you double click, it turns it to an adult as best you can. Yeah, it's fucking beautiful. What are we doing? Is that Paul Wall? I don't know who that is.
Starting point is 00:43:09 He's a rapper. and a grill maker He's the ice man It's the ice man baby pow wow Oh You know the song sitting sideways You do That's not the best Paul Walts on
Starting point is 00:43:21 Shit guys We got on 630 We're still explaining who Paul Wallace Uh Grill Yeah Yeah If somebody
Starting point is 00:43:31 Yeah That's good pick Sean All right I like I like I know there's so many good ones. So many.
Starting point is 00:43:41 All right, I'm going to go, I'm going to go dogs for feet. Oh, I like that. Like, they're barking. My dogs are barking. Yeah, I love that saying. That's such a good, that's what it feels like. Yeah. Woof, woof.
Starting point is 00:43:55 I'll let them out. I hear you're barking big dogs. Yeah. Because they're 12 and a ass. Dog, let me in. It is just one of those that if you say it right, it always like gets people. You know, like if you're walking on the street, like dogs are barking. Because people usually haven't heard it for a while.
Starting point is 00:44:12 And it just, it's a nice... Oh, that is a great one. Yeah. Or you can be very serious on a hike like, Jesus, my dogs are barking. Like, say it internally sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Are you mutter it to yourself?
Starting point is 00:44:22 Yeah, I'm just sort of strangers barking. Fucking dogs are barking. Snake has bit my dog. Call me. Call 911. Call 911. A snake has bit my left dog. I have a right and left dog on every trail.
Starting point is 00:44:39 I believe a water moccasin. LeBron, can you tell us what happened in that game? Well, I went up for a layup and I came down really hard on my left dog. Worst case scenario, I'm going to need dog surgery. You guys from Boston say on dogs? No. Do they say that? What does it mean?
Starting point is 00:45:00 Like on God? Just like on dead dogs? I don't know. Oh. You Boston guys need to chill out. Oh, yeah. Somebody sliced my dog with a knife. Jesus
Starting point is 00:45:10 My dogs got in the trash again What you do? I go kick the garbage around Me and my dogs Tell my dogs to quit shitting in the house It took my dogs to see Spider-Man the other day I think my dogs grew Because my shoes don't fit
Starting point is 00:45:29 My dog scared of black people My feet are racist What do you want me to say? Oh, anyway, yeah, my dogs are barking. Yeah, I like that. That was a good pick, man. Bedtime for your second and third picks. Oh, right, okay, okay.
Starting point is 00:45:50 I'm going to go with titties. Yeah, Titties is great. Yeah. Yeah. It's so fun. It's even fun to say it like, sometimes I'll say it like tithes, you know? Oh, with a D? Titties.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Yeah, Titties. With a softer in it, yeah. Maybe even a T-H in there somewhere, Titties. Titties is so much better than tits. Tits sucks. Tits feels rough to me. Tits feels aggressive. Oh, my titties.
Starting point is 00:46:15 When I, when I, when I, you know who I get more poetry test. Water Mockeson has been my tities. I thought I was going to go somewhere else. And it didn't. It was just the end of the sentence. Oh, my tits. I was feeling like something else would come. And then nothing came.
Starting point is 00:46:32 I do like it when people say I'm sweating my tits off. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, that's good. Sweat my tits off. My tits are barking. I actually have. My tits were in the garbage earlier. My tits hate black people.
Starting point is 00:46:46 When I hear tities, it always, I think of Michael Jackson. Have you heard that? Have you seen that? There's like a clip of Michael Jackson and he's in the back of a limo and this lady's like running after the limo and he's like, look at her titties. Look at our titties. I'll find it for you right now. It's on your photo reel.
Starting point is 00:47:06 I said, I texted it to Langston Kerman, not 12 hours. hours ago. While you're finding that, I will just announce today. I got my first mammogram and my titties were smashed in that machine. Yeah, yeah, they smash them. Unbelievable smashed. And after the, you, after she basically like takes your tit and, they're like pancake it. It has to hurt. She starts, like with a pedal on the ground, she goes, you know, and it starts clamping down on your tit. Then with a hand wheel, she's like, can I do a little more? And she goes like this and she looks at you a little more she does it again a little more I'm like
Starting point is 00:47:41 she's like are you okay I'm like well no does it hurt her and it's like she has to do it right yeah like so why she has to it it does hurt it does hurt especially would depend on your cycle like where you're in oh yeah how like tender yeah how tender tender is the night but then you have to like get up on it
Starting point is 00:47:57 and get up in your armpit to get under there so you like they say you know one tit than the other tip but really it's one tit one tit and then like armpit this side armpit that side too. It's just like four total clamps. You think they could invent some kind of a wand?
Starting point is 00:48:12 Well, then I had to do an ultrasound after her. Yeah. But it's like it would be great if they could always just do that. Just do the ultrasound. That feels damn right pleasant. That was fine. Yeah. And it was warm. Yeah. And I let a student play with my left head. Oh, did you? She asked and then she said, thank you so much
Starting point is 00:48:29 so many times. For science. For science. It's sort of normalized more medical equipment, I think. Yeah. But here, check this out. Ultrasound. They put a lot of goo on you. which is always fun. Jeez, that's weird to hear. And then he does this. Does he?
Starting point is 00:48:47 He goes, look at her tities. We know very little about that, man. It's so confusing. It's really odd. And we'll never know. We'll never know. We'll never going to know. What the fuck that.
Starting point is 00:48:58 I watched the document. I went, it was too much for right now. Yeah. You know what's true? Well, you kind of want a document. Like, you can't do a document. documentary without... How do we not get more people to tell us what happened in some of the sleepovers is my question? That's wild. Yeah. Maybe because they go, well, I don't want to be known for that.
Starting point is 00:49:15 Like, it's just, we don't need to get into all this. But the point is, everybody's always like, well, why now? Why did you come out now? And then they don't believe these people. And it's like, well, why would you want to freaking come out? And then somebody probably pulled you out to do it. And then of course you regret it. Because he's dead. It doesn't make your life better. No. My mom. Not to throw her under the bus. But my mom is one of the people who's like, well, I don't, I don't believe that. And I'm like, it's scathing. Yeah. But there's so, because if you are the survivor, whatever, in that situation, the last thing you want to hear is somebody being like, well, I heard your story, complete bullshit. Right. Why would you ever want to put yourself out there like that?
Starting point is 00:49:51 You've made it through 30 years or whatever. The stories that those young, the now grown men told are very powerful. And why would they do that? Why would they go on there and do it? It was, this is the last thing I'll say, sorry. It is important that they did it in the sense that these types of things happen to men as well. It is powerful to see why someone, men,
Starting point is 00:50:11 women, non-binary people have, like, they're the person who abused them, they also may love. So it's actually powerful to see, like, this could happen to anybody. It does happen to boys, too. Yeah. You know, and it's, anyway, sorry, that was a bit of a... No, no, you're 100% right. Titties.
Starting point is 00:50:27 I saw that coming when Titties came up. Yeah. Yeah. We knew we were going to get to this. You kind of, like, with Michael Jackson, you also kind of want, like, there's just so many things that I would, like to see a documentary about there's so much going on the abuse is so loud you can't do the other stuff that's true you know what i mean like in light of all that yeah he is there is yes so many layers so many he's like so many eras as well yeah he's the most fucked guy and then like even you don't
Starting point is 00:50:55 know about all the jojacks and stuff yeah like it's all very very bizarre maybe we'll get something all the siblings i mean the chimpanzee oh my god the elephant man's bones like you're saying even just the dancing element. What did that look like over the years? Yes. His voice over the years. Then, of course, the face. There's so many factors in his life
Starting point is 00:51:16 that, like, changed drastically. And people say the voice was fake. How people say the voice was fake? Yeah. Like his speaking voice? Yeah, there's like that. You might have sent me the clip and him talking in a completely different
Starting point is 00:51:30 where he was like, didn't think it was being recorded. Did you send me that? Wow. I guess I kind of believe that. Yeah. Which is also nuts. Which is also nuts.
Starting point is 00:51:37 It's so nuts. And if it's true, or if whatever, it's true, it makes it even more believable that he's a manipulative abuser. Because, like, he was talking like that on purpose to be, like, innocent or, like, gentle. But also, people talk about him differently. Like, Quincy Jones says he was, like, very McAvelli. He did some, I don't, it is so much. It's too much. Dig deep into it.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Yeah. What are you doing it all? Good call. Good call. Yeah, I don't want to get it. Too mired into this. We're getting too mired into it. I don't even know how we got here.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Post titties. Oh, yeah. Titties. Okay. Now, I think, I don't know if this is, I'm, I'm torn. I think I'm going to go gay wrist, you know, like this. Oh, wait. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:52:24 Shit, I'm getting more poetry texts. This is crazy. Is that, does that count? Because it's so fun. You can say, yeah. Gay wrist. But is that a, is that a slang term for a body part? I thought we were just doing slang terms for body parts.
Starting point is 00:52:38 That's more of a sling term for a gesture. Okay. That's a gesture. But this is so fun. It's fun. It's fun. Gay wrist is so fun. It's also kind of a Bob Fosse.
Starting point is 00:52:47 It's kind of a Bob Fossy rest as well. And I guess I'll go with, okay. I'm going to go with bat wings. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we just call him bingo wings. Yes, bat wings. Yeah, I like that one.
Starting point is 00:53:06 They are, they should be considered, like, noble, I think, and luxurious. Well, think about it. It's like mid-wester nobility. And actual bats wings are, like, tight skin over what bones? Yeah. With veins and stones. Yeah, exactly. So it's like on about, you get why you might call it that.
Starting point is 00:53:24 But then again, it's not the best term. But bat wings, it makes it fun for you. A bat wing is more like a stretched out testicular sack. Yeah. Oh, from most of this thing that it has on. When you show somebody you're nuts. Yeah. when it's just like
Starting point is 00:53:36 it's kind of pull tight That's bat wingish Yeah these are different I didn't even think of that It's not a technical term Like what do you mean They're called your nuts
Starting point is 00:53:45 What are you talking about? Doctor my nuts Doctor a snake bit my nuts My nuts were in the garbage It started on my dog Went out my leg And then bit my nuts Snake really got a hold of my body
Starting point is 00:54:01 Yeah, bat wings Yeah, batwings are fun Because everybody has them You're gonna have them But you can really picture like a loved ones Probably you associate it with a woman Your grandma or something And they're just kind of fun to play with
Starting point is 00:54:17 They usually don't like it but They're so soft Well people get self-conscious about their That's why I'm sort of taking our power bat I like that Bat wings baby They're so they really are like Yeah
Starting point is 00:54:29 You can picture I'm like somebody who's called Mima in a moo-moo with like big arms. Damn. Are you ripped? Doesn't look like that when I do it. Look at that. Sick. I can't, you know, nothing happens.
Starting point is 00:54:44 That's a world-class field hockey athlete. I know. I know. That's a world-class field hockey athlete. Thunder thighs. Thunder thighs and lightning arms. Storm's coming. Thunder thighs.
Starting point is 00:54:56 You're starting like a crime fighting team. Titties. Thunder arms. Thunder eyes. Batwings. Batwings. The new Avengers. It would be tough to be Titties in that group.
Starting point is 00:55:08 It's me Titties. Titties, you stay back at base. There's something in the oven. Titties is the guy in the chair. Sean Tavere's third pick. I'm going with Ticker for your heart. Oh, I like that one. These are all ones you say.
Starting point is 00:55:27 The old ticker. Yeah. Put a jolt to the old ticker, holy buckets. You got the old ticker checked out. I did. I got the echo cardigram on the ticker because I was missing some beats. It was palpitating or whatever.
Starting point is 00:55:39 Turns out my ticker's fine. Okay, good. Is it? Something happened? Just making sure it. Did a weaker man try to scare me? Is that what happened? Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:55:49 No, no, that was rude. I was like, keep it in, but that was rude. We'll do a push-up contest right now, dude. I can't do Shups. You know that about me. All right. Sit up? You're the only guy I've ever heard shortened it to Shups.
Starting point is 00:56:00 No, I said Shops. I stole it from him, but I'm a shot of it. Oh. Because I'm doing so many shups that, like, saves hours of my life to just call him shups. And I'd say pu. If I said push-ups every time instead of saying shubs. P-uh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:14 The amount of time I don't say pu-p, I put that into my Shup game. Okay. Drop and give me 20 Shups. Yeah, I got the, I got the ticker checked out. One of the scarier checkups have ever, you're blowing it left, right, and center playboy. That's four days in a row. I missed it. He just knocks my teeth out.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Isaac, point the camera down I'm gonna make him bloody Yeah, it's one of the scarier tests I got done Cause like, you think it's gonna be fine But you know, they like in the room They don't give you And they're so stoic, you know, when they're doing those things Because they don't want to give anything away
Starting point is 00:56:48 Until like the cardiologist looks at it Yeah, they're like not allowed to tell you really Because they, you know, you can tell sometimes When like they know something might be up Then you're like, what do you make that face for And they're like, oh, yeah, I farted. When they say, Mother of God. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Oh, my God. No, nothing. Everything's fine. I'll pray it back. Calls her husband like, dude, this sucks. Sorry, I'll just remember how big space is. You're fine. You're fine.
Starting point is 00:57:15 I forgot my lunch. Your heart's just cold and ugly. It's fine, but it looks bitter. You have a bitter heart. You have what we call Grinch disease. Yeah. Your Earth's getting smaller by the day. Wait, what's my max pick?
Starting point is 00:57:31 Five. It's just so hard to pick. I know. There's like 30. David, you're at third. Oh, I like it what people call them pythons.
Starting point is 00:57:39 Yeah, dude. Paul Colgan. That is great. Yeah, that's a lot of fun. 20-inch python. I have no python. And then you say the inches.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that means how big your bicep is around, right? Yeah. That's what he was talking about. Circumference. Because I used to think, I know the fucking word.
Starting point is 00:57:57 I used to think he meant. They were 20 inches long. How high it went. I used to think he said his muscles were going up to here. More than a foot? Like Popeye. And I swear to God, I have a memory watching SummerSlam. And he flexes and I'm like, they do go up to his fists.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Of course they don't. But in my, I saw like cartoon muscles. Well, he's like pulling him in maybe, you know. Wonder, do you have a tape measure in here? No. Okay. No. Be ruder about it next time.
Starting point is 00:58:22 I just wanted to measure my dick. I want to, actually. He's not going to be honest. I'll do it. He's going to pick the right starting line. He's going to tell a centimeters, Sean measured from the back of the couch. I'm over at the black cat.
Starting point is 00:58:43 He took the end of the tape in his ass. You got to go from the butthole. No, he goes from the root to the chuna. A couple inches. Sorry, the ruler broke. It's too scared. Yeah, what ticker? What are we doing?
Starting point is 00:58:57 No, we're not on ticker. Oh, yeah. Pythons. Pythons, yes, pythons. That's fantastic. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Tell her my third pick.
Starting point is 00:59:05 And I'm going to take, I'm going to stay in Yiddishville. Maybe just for one more pick. But I'm going to go, my first three Yiddish, and I'm going to go with Punum. I don't know what that is. That's so cute. It's your face. Oh, your face. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:59:15 Look at this. Puttum. Look at this, punham. I can eat you up. It's like that kind of way. I'll start at your Tuchas. I'll work my way up. I'll start at the schvant to work my way up to your Pundum.
Starting point is 00:59:26 Like a lion eating as a gazelle. Went on the punum forever. A Jewish lion, why I started at the tuckus. Oh my God. But it's just great. Punim is so cute. My grandma, who is 90 years old, will, like when we FaceTime with Artis,
Starting point is 00:59:43 she'll say, look at that Putum! And she's so cute. It's just really, yeah, I love it. Yeah, Punum. It sounds cute. It sounds like P-U-N-I-M. P-U-N-I-M. See, I can spell.
Starting point is 00:59:55 I spelled sequels wrong last week. Oh, that's all right. That's all right, man. S-E-Q-U-E-L. Yeah, not what I thought. He's like, I thought it was S-E-A-Q-U-I-L-S. There was a P-H in there, three X's, what I was doing. With my fourth pick, I'm going to go, my favorite slang for the head.
Starting point is 01:00:16 I'm going with Noggin. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got rattling around your old Noggin's good. I like that. Noggin's good. Noggin on heaven's door. Nogging.
Starting point is 01:00:25 Knock, knoggin on heaven, Oh, hi, hi, hi, hi. No E in Axel. A-X-L. Yeah? Yeah. I don't love it. Yeah, just something right now.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Ian Rose. Huh? Ian Rose. Another Ian. No, E in the word rose. Oh, yeah. The letter E is in the letter in the word rose. Noggin.
Starting point is 01:00:48 I do like grapes. No. All right. They're fake. We try to get someone every week. I could tell. I got to have myself. some real Wednesday at the grocery.
Starting point is 01:00:57 I love a grape. What color? Or red. Yeah. You ever have those cotton candy grapes? Oh, yeah. They're delicious. Ah, too much for me.
Starting point is 01:01:04 I love him. I'm with you on that. I'm withy on that. We just got some for the first time. I'm mad. I like green. You have to get a right batch, first of all. And second of all, I freeze them.
Starting point is 01:01:14 Gotta freeze them. Okay. Frozen grape? Yeah, like a dessert. Dau. Crazy fruits freak me out. Like, you ever got like a grapple? No.
Starting point is 01:01:23 Yeah. But I don't want to. It's a bummer. What's a grapple? An apple and a grape. It's the same thing? Is it a little one? Is it a little apple?
Starting point is 01:01:30 It's bigger. It's a big grape? But it's not as much, it's more apple than grape. That sounds fine to me. Is that a real thing or grapple? Yeah. Look it up. Look at grapple size.
Starting point is 01:01:44 You guys ever have a shine musket? What? A shine musket? First of all, we call him that anymore. They're called Armenian. What is the little accent over the A in grapple? Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Grapplet? A grapple is... It's a fight. A gala apple has been soaked in a solution of concentrated methyl grape flavor. Oh, I didn't know that's why that makes me off a little bit. That makes sense. Oh, so it's an apple that's been made to taste like a grape. It's not a hybrid.
Starting point is 01:02:12 That makes more sense why it looks like an apple. That's pretty cool. That's not great. A graple. I got them at... Grapple? No. Say grape.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Oh, Grapele. Oh, Grape. I got him at Trader Joe's in a four pack. I wasn't into it. Grape out. I'll try them. I like hybrid fruits because I like knowing that they're new fruits. I like exotic fruits.
Starting point is 01:02:32 I think there's slights against God and I vote that way. And I'm pro-slites against God. I don't, I keep your company on it, but I just favor them. And you guys think your votes matter, huh? Well, that's cute. Yeah, baby, I'm back in the game. That was good. That was good.
Starting point is 01:02:49 I saw you, okay, tell me if you're plotting. I put my hat backwards and you put yours backwards. I'm like, he's going to try to knock it off. off from the back of my head. No. Oh, you weren't? No. Okay.
Starting point is 01:02:58 Not that devious. Sorry, I gave you a little more credit. What's I going to say? Oh, I just give me a fucking, I want you to start holding up, like, on college football where they hold up, like, boards with, like, pictures on them to communicate ideas. We're going to take a break in a second here, but I was going to say something else. Okay. Where's a good time to pee if it's come now?
Starting point is 01:03:18 Yes. You can go pee right now, and I'll talk about sweetest batch, blueberries. Okay, I have to peeve so bad. Sweet. Are you saying. Yeah. Vincent, dioratic runs right through you. Got to be the coffee.
Starting point is 01:03:28 Have you guys had the sweetest bat? It's running down your leg and you... Diarrhea. Diaryia. Have you had the sweetest batch, blueberries? Are you saying Swedish or sweetest? Sweetest. No.
Starting point is 01:03:41 It's really good. I love blueberries, though. I like them even when they're not that sweet. Have you heard that song Swedish taboo? It's actually interracial dating. The song's about Chadee try to date a swede. Yeah, try to... Swedish taboo.
Starting point is 01:03:56 Trying to date a guy who plays for the penguins. It was actually about her and Mario LeBue. Well, I think I'm going out with Chade and I. You know, I don't know how they think about that back home. Swedish people and Canadians sound the same. I think so. I think so. How do you, what's, no.
Starting point is 01:04:13 What's Swedish? No, they talk like this. Oh, they do. They talk like this. It's an Alexander Langanorfer. Going out of Chadee do that? I have a weird like Narfin, Narfin, Narf. It's a very weird
Starting point is 01:04:27 Near the McGlark and Fiarg I know that's how they talk My little brothers You gotta hear them do fun Oh yeah They let my Martin E. Lampoon's a great He has a great
Starting point is 01:04:36 Norwegian girl Don't you love I think you may have had Stand-up about this And maybe not maybe But like when you get Like Racism from other cultures
Starting point is 01:04:47 Not racism is another word Oh yeah You had a bit about I have a bit about Other cultures Do an American accent Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 01:04:53 Yeah Yeah How they really nail it But it's also funny when you get someone who's like really been around British people or really been around Norwegian people like making fun of them. Yeah. Yeah. You get like, oh, there's this whole other level to this I didn't know about. It's also so funny, especially with my little brother, because he'll do shit where I'm like, oh, you don't even know that's weird in America. Like he'll
Starting point is 01:05:10 say chow when he gets off the phone and I'm like, but it's because they like, he's not trying to be cool. They just know Italian people and him and his friends say, you know what I mean? They say chow. I tried to do a bit about it where I was like, you moved here now. You can't be the guy outside of the bar offering people Norwegian chocolate at one in the morning. That works better than the bit ever worked. It is good chocolate, though.
Starting point is 01:05:37 All right, we're going to take a break. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Now, being a comedian, this happens all the time. For some reason, people think that we know what we're talking about. And I'm all four people coming to me with problems. Of course,
Starting point is 01:05:54 Of course, my friends, I was a natural helper, Ian and I both were, but, you know, certainly not a therapist. And if you think that talking to a therapist would benefit you, find your right match with better help. We've all done it. I've done it plenty of times. I look at somebody who I think I deem is the, you know, the therapist type. It's a bartender.
Starting point is 01:06:13 It's like the person cut in your hair. It's whatever. It's the lift driver sometimes. That's not really what they do. They can be a nice set of ears. I'll give you that. Fun to talk to about everyday stuff, but they're not really going to help. You know, they're not going to help with anxiety, relationships, depression, any of that stuff,
Starting point is 01:06:27 clinical issues. Don't count on your Uber driver to help you with that. And that's what a therapist is there for. They're just there to be another trained set of ears to help you through the rough times. Everybody needs help. It's a fact. Don't carry the whole load by yourself. Better help is there for you. They have quality therapists. They're working by a strict code of conduct, fully licensed in the U.S. So you're going to get a quality product. And the therapist, Matt, commitment you know better help does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals obviously you just fell out a questionnaire brief survey and then they'll connect you with the therapist but if you don't like it
Starting point is 01:07:04 you can switch therapists at any time you want to find someone who works for you they're flexible they cater to your schedule do it all online they got a huge stable of therapists so it's tried and true extremely convenient so just talk to someone listen to us and give it a shot if you're thinking about it as the largest online therapy provider in the world better help can provide access to the mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash all fantasies.
Starting point is 01:07:32 That's BetterHelp, help.com slash all fantasy. And we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy, everything already in progress. I just made my fourth pick. It's time for David's fourth pick. My fourth pick is something that rednecks I went to high school used to say. And I always thought it was so funny. They say turd cutter.
Starting point is 01:07:53 Oh, shit. I was going to be my last pick. It's so funny to be. Yeah. You say turd cutter a lot. It's interesting. I don't think I've ever heard that like, like, it's gross. It feels like I haven't and I haven't.
Starting point is 01:08:06 It's so, it's such a like, it's like what they say it. You're like, you actually say that. Oh, it's such a gross one. Is it butthole specific? Right. Yeah. Well, it's like, I just thought it was butt. It's, no, it's, well, I think it moved into butt, but to me it's like a such a specific, like,
Starting point is 01:08:22 Plato-esque cutting the turd. It's your sphincter closing. And pinching off a loaf. And also you think about... We can say boathole then for the sake of this trap. All right. So turd-cud-cud. Noggin, turd-cutter.
Starting point is 01:08:34 Noggin, turd-cutter. Hi, nice to meet you. Noggin turd-cutter. Esquire. I just received a sufficient... I do maritime law. Hello, I'm Noggin, turd-cutter, DDS. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:44 I'd love your vote. Whatever I got to do. Hi, Ian Carmel. I'm with Nog and turd-cutter. Open up. We're very interested in talking to you. turd-cutting and turd-cutting accessories. Hi, I'm David calling from Dr. Turd-cutter's office.
Starting point is 01:08:56 He's going to need to see you again. Dr. Noggin Turd-cutter? This is your cousin. Noggin Turd-kater? Wait. Tert-Cutter. This is your cousin. Took his turd-cutter?
Starting point is 01:09:13 It's not a noggin on the other line. It's called a Noggin-Turt-Cutter. Oh, my God. Took his turd-cutter. But butt cutter Nut butt cutter Oh That's a silly thing
Starting point is 01:09:28 Sayon time for your fourth pick Man turd cutter was definitely Going to be on my list I'm gonna say You gotta regroup I'm gonna say Your noodle for your brain Using the old noodle
Starting point is 01:09:42 Using the old noodle Newtled around Nuddle it around a little bit You know That's what they call using your noodle But Use your noodle What do you like a grape
Starting point is 01:09:48 I mean I'm hungry I mean I'm hungry I don't want to gorge myself in front of everybody You never seen me eat grapes dude It's ugly I go nuts I turn off the lights I have myself a party
Starting point is 01:10:04 I don't even know I'm eating the branches John freezes him so we can do them suppository style Silver bullets dry open the dirt cutter to get him in there He butt chugs grapes You don't even have to put that. He calls it loading the clip.
Starting point is 01:10:25 Where do I keep the one in the chamber? Lord, turn out the lights. I'm trying to load the clip. What are it be fun or not? Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was my Friday. I thought I didn't eat enough fruit. It's like me going to rob a bank.
Starting point is 01:10:42 It's a real serious cut of me. Just loading the clip. Boop. Oh, yeah, noodle. That's, I had to use my noodle for all those. Nud was a good one. That's the time for your fourth and then your final picks. Cod, I'm really struggling.
Starting point is 01:10:57 You say cod? Yeah, that's what I call him. That's who you pray to, right? It's my fish in the sky. My big fish on the sky. My cod. Oh, my cod. Oh, my cod.
Starting point is 01:11:11 God, damn it. I stubbed my dogs. God damn it. For cod's sake. There is no cod. Don't you. Don't you. Don't say that.
Starting point is 01:11:22 Cod's not here today, priest. Are you there, cod? It's me. Somebody needs to call a fish sandwich net. If you're a restaurant and you're listening to this, have a fish sandwich called, are you there, Cod? It's me, Margaret. Come on.
Starting point is 01:11:41 Come on. Do it. Okay, okay. I'm really struggling. I'm going to go with. Fupa. Yeah, Fupa's great. And I'm actually saying
Starting point is 01:11:51 P stands for penis in this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because some guy commented on my Facebook fan page and he said that I had a Fupa. Sounds like he wasn't a fan at all. You're right. It does sound like he was a guy on Facebook.
Starting point is 01:12:04 Yeah, that part for the Facebook girl. Very on brand for them. And then, of course, I go to his profile just to see what's up. And yeah, he has a Fupa. For sure. Except his is the front upper penis area.
Starting point is 01:12:14 Yeah. Fat upper penis area. And, um, his profile of photos with Mark Norman and he having it with someone else like that is such a weird move yeah to comment on me and he's apparently a comic in Germany and I wrote back he loves German comics I wrote back and I said something like you have a Fupa yeah like that's just a fact you know what I mean like he was like I forget what he said he tried to correct me or something but I'm like oh he said I saw Mark Norman and he laughed at my joke or something I go you're in line to me. meet him. He laughed to move you along to the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He had, he had a shirt that was some joke about a baby or a baby or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:57 Yeah. Funny t-shirt guys are always great. Yeah, right? I mean, jokes on t-shirts. Funny t-shirts are cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Fupa, which could be penis or pussy. Yeah, anything, yeah. Fat, upper, pubic area. Oh, there we go. Thank you. Or punic area. If you want, it's a war. Fought between Hannibal
Starting point is 01:13:19 I got Isaac on that That really got me This is so hard The last one I don't want it to end I know Well we can go ten more rounds Okay
Starting point is 01:13:29 Let's see We could do a bonus sixth You got time if you're not I have one And I have to end Oh This is tough This is tough
Starting point is 01:13:39 Oh Yeah Yeah That's going to get us some clicks. Isaac just slid off his chair. I'm picturing. I'm picturing. I'm picturing how you're going to feel when I say it.
Starting point is 01:13:58 What? Me specifically. Chompers. Oh, Chomper. Love it. Chompers. Chompers is great.
Starting point is 01:14:05 I think it's like it sounds like it. Chompers. You know what I mean? Like if I didn't know if you, if I was from another country and you said chomper's, I don't think teeth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be interesting. If you'd tuck somebody who, like, just barely knew English and you're like, what do you think, turd cutter means?
Starting point is 01:14:22 That one, they'd never guess. It's got to be your ears, right? By the way, I spell turd with a U. Yeah. Yeah, we do. Yeah. Wait, what's the other way? Oh, some people with an E maybe.
Starting point is 01:14:30 Some people with an E, and I don't like it. Terred. People spell turd with a. Oh, I don't like that. It's a you. Terred. I spell it the same way I spell color. I spell it the same way I spell color.
Starting point is 01:14:40 I spell com with an A. Kim. I just came I just I kem You're going to the chemis right Is that where you're going to be I was recently nominated for a kem
Starting point is 01:14:56 That's cute Ken There is chem On this pilot set I'll be getting a full refund For this hotel There's Ken everywhere Chomper's is great
Starting point is 01:15:10 Chomper's is very cute too Yeah My son's getting his first too It's actually scary Because I used to babysit And I remember one time The kid smiled and looked at me And there was like four and I go
Starting point is 01:15:24 Yeah Because they came out of nowhere They're weird little ones too It's weird to see it break the surface In the first time too All of a sudden he just has these four little teeth And I remember being like Because I feel like
Starting point is 01:15:34 And it's sharp I feel like babies remind me like This sounds really dumb But like as an adult You forget that you grew all this Oh yeah no You know what I mean But as a baby, you're like, oh, yeah, that...
Starting point is 01:15:45 I didn't used to have this. Yeah, I didn't have this. Watching their teeth, they just go, they just burst through their gums. You're like, of course that hurts. Of course that hurts. Like the making of a mountain range. People complain about baby's teething, and you're like, I'd love an adult to teathe and just see if you were cool with it, you know? Get them.
Starting point is 01:16:01 I'll let them know. Give it her ass. Fuck you. Yeah. Rick? Rick's a bummer. Yeah, why don't you learn how to poo on the potty. Rick?
Starting point is 01:16:13 Sean, time for your final pick. Chomper's off the board. Chomper's off. Chompers off the board. Chomper's Alizee. All right. Boner. It's almost like we said it earlier.
Starting point is 01:16:23 Yeah. But it's still holds power. It's just a staple. I mean, it's hilarious. Boner's number one. Not splitting the atoms here, but like, it took like number one. I have a lot of clothing that says that. That's his merch. But like the fact that one of them.
Starting point is 01:16:39 The fact that one of the main characters in growing pains was just named Boner. Yes, you're right. like, oh, boners here. It used to be a, mean, like, a mistake, right? Yeah, but I think it still also meant a hard penis back then. When did they start calling? I don't know when that happened. I just got a boner.
Starting point is 01:16:54 Yeah. Can we get the etymology on bono? You should have seen me do by taxes. Bona's all over the place. Right. There's other ones I don't want to say because they might get picked. There's another body part one that. Don't say it yet.
Starting point is 01:17:05 It says mid-19th century. Yeah. They start calling it a boner? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And that's well before they made growing pains. When do they start saying renaub? Now, if you get a boner, you might have growing pain.
Starting point is 01:17:18 Oh, you know what? I'm looking at etymology online, and it says 1940s from the earlier bone on. I got a bone on. I got a bone on. I want to get my bone on tonight. Get my drink on. And my smoke on. And my bone on.
Starting point is 01:17:34 Because, you know, fishbone, all their songs are like boning in the bone yard and stuff. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Boning in the bone yard. That's how. It's like Born on the Bayou? Born in the Bone Yard. It was actually an anti-war song.
Starting point is 01:17:54 A lot of people don't know that. Is the A&B get back? Sometimes I have a guy climbed on top of me with a boner. I'm like, I actually ordered this bone out. I didn't order this bone in. I wanted boneless. Didn't want a boner on this one. That's what I just go, hey, I didn't want boners in my chicken wings.
Starting point is 01:18:13 I ordered it skinless, too, then he staph. Jesus. I do nothing to turn him on. I just yelled his dick. I ordered this bone in. What the heck is this? Come on. Get hard.
Starting point is 01:18:29 Send it back. Send it back. I ordered this bone in. Tell the chef he sucks. Tell cod. Tell cod. Cod in heaven. Cod blew it.
Starting point is 01:18:43 Cod friended me on CBS. David, how it's time of your final pick? Coochie. Oh! Coochee Wally, Wally. Ended it with our music group,
Starting point is 01:18:54 dude. Love that. Hoochie Coochee. It's so funny. It's so funny. Yeah, Coochee's like. Coochee Mama. Coochee Coochoochoochoo.
Starting point is 01:19:05 Is it Hootie Mama or Coochee? Hoochie Mama. A number of Hoochie Mama, that one. Oh, yeah. Who'd about Hucci, Koochee. There's Hucci Coochee. It gets hotter than Hucci Cooch. Now, what, does he mean vagina?
Starting point is 01:19:19 He means sex, I think. Unless a Hucci Cooch is like a term for a party back then, but I'm pretty sure he means sex. Isn't there that, isn't there like a canoodling? Isn't there that? Okay. Isn't there a howling wolf song called Hucci Coochoooooooooooo? Rock and roll, hoochoooooooooooo.
Starting point is 01:19:34 No, I'm talking about Hucci Coochoochoochoooooo. No, I'm the Hucci Coochoochee man. He says I'm the hoochie Coochoochee man. My mom always meant, you know, back when she would say about the cats, like the kitties are hoochie cooing. Oh, for sexing. Yeah, hoochoochooch man. Muddy waters. Muddy waters. Yeah. It's the most serious anyone's ever said that, by the way.
Starting point is 01:19:51 Yeah, hoochie-cucci man. Yes. It's actually hoochie-cucci man. Yeah, it's a good one. But I just like coochie. I think it's a great. We know you do. Cut that out. Tell the internet. What can I say? I just like coochie. I'm just a guy. And I like cooce. I like cooce. How did I vote? Who knows? I like coochie.
Starting point is 01:20:10 Vote bore if you do, too. It's your platform. I think he likes women's rights. Rights, lefts, you know, and everything in between. I'm a coochie man. Dr. Schwan's the coochie man. Let's have a look at your coochie. Oh, God.
Starting point is 01:20:39 But he's the best in the biz. You nasty pun. That's the best gynecologist in the biz. That would suck if the best kind of psychologist just was such a jock. What's wrong with your coochie? Slide up a little bit. I need to take a little look at your coochie. Let's shed some light on the situation, shall we?
Starting point is 01:20:56 It's going to feel a little cold on your coochie. It's going to be a little cold on your coochie. If they did do that, I see you have a boner. You can't have a boner during this test, so you can't have a boner during this test. So you can't do something with that. So, um, you've been having trouble getting boners. Happens to a lot of men around your age. It's such as your stress.
Starting point is 01:21:19 So it's a lot to do with your diet. Is there anything going on in your life? Um, how often are you putting it in your wife's pussy? Uh, I wasn't ready for that. And it got me. I'm a cushy guy. My face is redder than normal. Um,
Starting point is 01:21:40 Pussy's the other word I'll say earlier where it's like that used to mean like a cat. Yeah. Right. Pussy cat. Pussy, pussy, pussy. Uh, my final pick. Pussy cat, pussy cat. I love you. But he was talking about vagina, right? I think so.
Starting point is 01:21:54 Yeah. That's Tom Jones. All right, sorry, sorry. Hard left turn from what we were just talking about, but this is the, and so what my wife calls my son's legs and it's so cute to me, pokey's. Oh, that's a tight one. Pokes. Does she make it up?
Starting point is 01:22:06 I think her mom says it too, so I don't know the origin of the word pokey's. He's his legs, but it's very cute to me. Pockies. A little Pockies. He's got big fat croissant legs. It's great. Oh, yeah. Love a fat, fat baby.
Starting point is 01:22:20 Big fat baby. Creshy. He's a big chonker. Pockies is my final pick. Perfect. Iceman, do you have a... Yeah, there's a bunch, but I'm going to take guns for arms. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:33 This is good. Welcome to the gun show, yeah. Load up the guns, dude. You've been going to that gym with a marble floor lately? Yeah, well, every now and then, yeah. Your gym has a marble floor? Yeah, it's a Korean gym. We're fancy people.
Starting point is 01:22:45 Oh. Is that common in Korean culture? No, but I mean, like, pretension is. So, okay, if I drop a free weight on the floor, on a marble floor. Freeway, you got the hood on smack! Are you getting in trouble? The free weight section has a foam floor, but the machine section is all marble. All marble.
Starting point is 01:23:03 Wow. What kind? It's, I don't know. It's just, it's white marble. Real? I don't think it's real. It can't be real. It could be.
Starting point is 01:23:11 It's a marble rye? I think it looked, what? Marble rye. Sean would like to retract that. Thank you. It's a little funnier than these assholes. I got longer guns than you, dude. You probably got a couple of years off today.
Starting point is 01:23:25 What if after the pot, at the end of the pot, everybody got to take one joke away from the other person that had to be. That would be so tight. Oh, that's a great idea. So could you take that out? I choose to take his out. You just lay a car. down when they make it. Draw more.
Starting point is 01:23:44 Sorry. Oh, that's hilarious. That was funny, but you don't think nobody gets to hear it. That's out. A yellow card, red card situation. Yeah. Too funny. Guns.
Starting point is 01:23:54 That's good. We left. So just a recap really quick. Oh, tons of stuff on the board. So much stuff on the board. So much on the breadbasket. We did take, Beth, you went first. You took thunder thighs, tithes, fat wings, fupa, and chomper.
Starting point is 01:24:05 That is a superhero team. It really, when you say it all out like that, You know, it would be fun is, like, whoever, like, loses, you have to tell the restaurant, these are the names on the reservation. Yes, let me know when Fupa and Tiddy's getting here. We do have two more people coming, Pupa and Chompers. Pupah and Chompers. You'll see them. Is there any way we can get seated before they get here?
Starting point is 01:24:29 We'll get some drinks going. Yeah. They're loud. Sean, you took getaway sticks, dogs, tickers, noodle, and boner. David, you took booty grill, pythons, churn, and koochee. Walk into a bar. Immediately get kicked out. Schwanz took us
Starting point is 01:24:44 Punnam Noggin and Pokes. Oh, man. What a good list. We left, quad hoppers? Oh, I love quad hoppers. Mug. Dome. Dome, I was so close to doing Dome.
Starting point is 01:24:56 Dome is good. Mitz. Mitz is good. Tummy is good. Bely's good. I like tummy. Dick Skinners. What are dickies?
Starting point is 01:25:05 I had Dickie. Piggies is cute. Dick beaters for hands. Tank ass. I feel like you're picking a nutty professor Is that from Nutty Professor? You're kidding. That's where I learned it also.
Starting point is 01:25:19 Wow. I learned a lot about my body from that movie. I'm pretty sure I love that movie as well, but I haven't seen it in so long. You should watch, it's really funny stuff. I'm pretty sure I loved it as a kid. I loved Eddie Murphy. Yeah, it's really close. Calling your feet, your two Cadillacs is always fun.
Starting point is 01:25:31 Oh, the Shoeburu's, dude. Oh, that's fun. The Chevro Legs, that's another one. Nobody said badonka-donk. No. I like pie hole, shut your pie hole Oh, pie hole's good Gobble
Starting point is 01:25:42 What's your gobble? Oh, yeah, a gobbler Yeah I feel like butthole's so close To just be in the word It is. Do you ever talk about that? Yeah, about how doctors say
Starting point is 01:25:53 It's technically called your butth It's not your anus. Have you guys heard of corn teeth? Yeah, a little teeth Yes Oh yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, I thought you said corned teeth No, corned teeth
Starting point is 01:26:03 It is little teeth That's what we always called it Like the littlest teeth, right? Yeah. But everybody else, I'm glad you know it. Because it made me feel like, does not anybody talk like that? Does everyone want to say yellow? Do you think you mean yellow?
Starting point is 01:26:15 Where did you grow up? Ohio. Yeah, South Dakota. Maybe it's a Midwest thing. It might be because if everybody else thinks it means like you have big yellow, big teeth. They look like, no. But for us, corn teeth was like you ground them down. It was like corn chips.
Starting point is 01:26:26 I always thought of it. Like the tiniest little things. Slammed in little corn chips in there. That's what I thought about. I'm from Oregon. Okay. Heard of it. No teeth.
Starting point is 01:26:38 No teeth. In certain regions. There's one city with a lot of teeth, and then the rest of the state has about eight combined. And they're all in Ashland. What else? Beak. Oh, beek's good. Schnaz.
Starting point is 01:26:53 Schnaz. Boiler. We always call her tell me's boilers. Paws for hands. Oh, yeah. Paws is good. Let me get these paws on you. Put the paws on.
Starting point is 01:27:01 Pecker. Oh, melon. Did we say that? Calling your head, your melon. Don't you're melon. You just like, dick. Oh yeah, dick's decent Dix serviceable
Starting point is 01:27:10 Bean for clitoris Ooh, flick the bean Flick the bean Flutting your shirt up Does cauliflower ear count That's just a condition That's like another nickname for it But yeah
Starting point is 01:27:21 Digits Oh that's a good one You could probably say Go to the doctor Like my dick hurts And like they'd take you seriously Yeah Yeah yeah
Starting point is 01:27:30 Come right in sir Come in my dick hurts What's wrong with your dick Yeah Oh my dick hurt Eardt. Nothing kems out. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:27:38 I haven't seen cauliflower ear. Nothing comes out of my deck. Really? Really? Yeah. How was it? It looked gross. He had to get it drained.
Starting point is 01:27:47 Oh, I had a wrestling coach who had it really bad. Tree trunks. My mom used to call my thighs tree trunks. Oh, yeah. That's good. Flippers. Trunk. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:27:55 Phalanges, but that's like the actual. That's an actual term, right? Yeah. Jowels. Honkers? Just boobs alone. There's a bunch. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:05 Yeah. In England, they call the vagina the fanny. Yeah, I've always thought that was pretty funny. Button nose. Button nose. Well, that's more like a shape. It's gripped her. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 01:28:16 Like a little button nose. Yeah. Yeah, I guess. He's at a butt and schnaz. I'm the only one that's had a hard time. I remember when I say gay wrist. John Gayrist, I think, records in the studio. He's a guest tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:28:33 He's great, yeah. Like, for example, you. That's just the thing. That's just the thing. Right, so that also doesn't count. That's closer, though, to... Schnauz. Caterpillar.
Starting point is 01:28:43 Did we say schnauz? We did not say schnauz. We didn't say schnaz. Schwanz. Schwanz. Well, heck, we want to hear yours. Send us of an All Fantasy podcast at gmail. com or hit any of us up separately on our socials.
Starting point is 01:28:55 Watch Beth's new special. Go see Beth on the road. Please. I'm begging you. Shout out to everyone on the All Fantasy Everything, Patreon, where you can find auction drafts, mailbag episodes, bonus episodes, boner episodes,
Starting point is 01:29:08 re-nob episodes. We just started doing boner episodes. And just a live cam on top. Skin flute episodes. Skin flute episodes. Big jump in the tier payments, but yeah, there's a bonner episode. And if you pay, if you pay $8,000 for a one-time fee,
Starting point is 01:29:21 you can watch the movie belly on Sean's tummy. Oh, yeah. We'll put belly on my belly. We'll project it. We'll come to your house and project it. You throw down eight racks. You can watch belly on my belly. You can watch Fival Goes West on his butt
Starting point is 01:29:39 An American Tale And you can watch the Michael Jackson documentary On My Titty I saw It was a It was a tough watch But I recently watched the Michael Jackson Documentary on Beth's Titties
Starting point is 01:29:56 Sounds like some guy named Michael Jackson It's obviously cheaper than Netflix Yeah That's where I get all my comedy. I saw it on Netflix. Did you say Netflix? No, no. Netflix.
Starting point is 01:30:11 I saw the Lonell special there. Shout out to everyone, the AFE subreddit, the AFE Shaslack. And a shout out to our wonderful, beloved super producer, Isaac Lee on the Ons and Twos. Isaac. Shout to St. Sue Carmel. Shout to Frankie Ocean. Shout to Sid the Dude to Hajie Beats.
Starting point is 01:30:30 I'm more important than all of that. Tune it again next week to another brand new episode of all. All fantasy, everything. Look at the titties. That was a HitGum podcast. Hi, I'm Alana Hope Levinson. And I'm Dan O'Sullivan. And this is the outfit, the new podcast from Higher Ground and HeadGum.
Starting point is 01:30:54 You know, we're two journalists who are slightly obsessed with the mob and organized crime and other nefarious stuff like that. Every week, we're going to bring you a story about a mobster. Some you've heard of, some you definitely haven't, but all of them are going to help explain why America is like this. See, the mob explains all sorts of things, from milk expiration dates to why we got into Cuba, to Las Vegas. Gay bars. Who knew? Who knew? The mobs involved.
Starting point is 01:31:20 All that and more. Subscribe to the outfit wherever you get your podcasts and watch video episodes on YouTube. New episodes every Thursday.

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