All Fantasy Everything - Nicknames We Wish We Had (w/ Bri Pruett, Sean Jordan & David Gborie)

Episode Date: October 1, 2020

What’s up champ? Killer? Bro? Brah? Bruh? Sis? Queen? Uh... speedster? Whatever you wanna be called, we won’t call you late to this episode of AFE! The gang welcomes comedian Bri Pruett to draft “Nicknames We Wish We Had.Episode Guest:Bri Puett @bripruett IG: @bripruett Podcast: You Can Do It with Bri PruettSponsors:Feals: Become a member and get 50% off your first order with free shipping at feals.com/allfantasy.MyBookie: Use promo code ALLFANTASY and double your first deposit.Hawthorne: Go to Hawthorne.co and use promo code ALLFANTASY for 10% off your first purchase.Manscaped: Get 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, and use code ALLFANTASY.Support the Show:Join the All Fantasy Everything Patreon for exclusive mailbag and movie watch-a-long episodes.Rate All Fantasy Everything 5-stars on Apple Podcasts.Deck yourself out in some merch at teepublic.com/user/allfantasyeverythingFollow the Good Vibes Gang on social media:Ian Karmel @IanKarmel IG: @IanKarmelSean Jordan @SeanSJordan IG: @SeancougarmelonJordanDavid Gborie @Thegissilent IG: @Coolguyjokes87Mars Mel @MarsMel IG: @Mars.MelShow Email: [e-mail] on All Fantasy Everything with Gumball.fmSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HeadGum Podcast. This is All Fantasy Everything, the podcast that looks at the entire world and thinks, hmm, I bet we could fantasy draft that. On today's episode, we'll be drafting nicknames we wish we could give ourselves, because there are no rules right now. Might as well give ourselves some nicknames. Our guest this week is the comedian and writer Bree Pruitt, and with me as always are Sean Jordan and David Borey. Let's get to that delicious episode. welcome to another brand new episode of all fantasy everything the podcast that sells

old-timey train interiors to what was it the podcast that sells train interiors to old-timey train to railroad old-timey railroads old Old timey railroads. That's right. That's the podcast that we are. I don't know any railroads, by the way, except for like BNSF sponsors the PBS News Hour for some reason. But other than that, I don't know. That's more railroads than most people know, dude. I think that I'm up on it.

Have any of you ever been on a locomotive? Not like a train from Portland to Seattle, but like a locomotive. Like a steam engine. Yeah. I don't know the difference like with a caboose you know damn are you asking the hard-hitting questions answer the goddamn question they all have cabooses no well you know what i mean like a fucking no i don't know what the fuck you're talking about i'm sorry like a caboose like a like a train like you know where you look and you'd be like oh someone's gonna rob that train like you mean like a locomotive i said locomotive like ian's doing big rock candy mountain yeah what's happening brie you can talk up top i know um i guess i was trying to come up with some sort of take on a locomotive i mean i i i think you mean shot so coal burning locomotive but your amtrak

it's the same thing it just looks a little different i believe no no brie i don't know that i appreciate here it comes this is gonna be i don't think the amtrak is the same thing as the locomotive that i have in my mind he needs a friend right now is what he's asking for he needs an ally in this fight can one of you please take the train to Portland, the locomotive to Portland, and go to Fire in the Mountain with me because the queen doesn't love it, which is tough. We'll be going.

We'll be going when I'm up there in October. Yes, we will. The Oregon Zoo had a locomotive that you could go on back in the day. There. That's what I'm talking about. Zoo lights. Still do, yeah. You're talking about a zoo train? Yeah. That's what you're talking about some zoo lights they'll do yeah you're talking about a zoo train yeah that's what you're talking about well i left out that part i thought

it was kind of you thought you were gonna get it i thought it was implied you thought that i was gonna get that you were talking about a train at the zoo a zoo train yeah i call it a zoo train it's like number six when i'm thinking about trains you know instead of you know what the the train the noise it makes when it's at the zoo it goes zoo zoo oh i hope that one of that was all set up it's been a fun 200 something episodes but i am done you're out i'm done with this podcast you finally understand what a serpentine draft is now so you can bail that's it that was that was my one true goal all along uh the the zoo zoo train himself uh sean s jordan on Twitter, Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. I'm actually seeing, I saw some of those in person.

No, I'm kidding. I just wanted to shoehorn this in. I was at the skate park the other day and somebody walked up and they go, Sean Cougar Mel Jordan, holy buckets. And I was like, yep. What's up, dog? It was tight. It was yesterday. I met two kids.

Then they beat him down and took his chain. Yeah, they beat you out. They beat you off too, though. They beat you down. Well, there was two of dude. They beat you out. They beat you off, too, though. They beat me down. Well, there was two of them. It was a beat off, beat down. Anyway, I forgot your names, but what's up, dudes? I saw them at the Ed Benedict Skate Park, and they were super cool.

Which skate park? Ed Benedict? Eggs Benedict. That's what Splits calls it. What are you saying? I saw them at the Ed Benedict Skate Park in Portland, Oregon. Okay. I feel like I'm coming off saucy today.

I don't want that. Saucy like hollandaise? Oh, yeah. Come on. Come on, Bree. You're picking pigs. Legs Benedict, dude. That's what they call Sean at the skate park.

Coming off saucy like pizza wings, dude. Like Sean Jordan pizza wings over here. That's what I like about Legs Benedict. He's stacked. You know what I like about Legs Benedict? He's stacked. You know what I'm saying? He's a little hammy sometimes, though. He can be a little hammy. Is Ham on Legs Benedict?

This is awesome. Keep him coming. Keep him coming. He's got a real cute English muffin on him. Woo! Oh, that could be anything. English muffin. It could be.

That could be any part. You could describe any part as English muffin any we're talking about the tip of my penis on this particular oh my god oh my god come on man come on man we're two minutes in yeah i am gonna make one tip of the penis joke just because and then it's done and i'm gonna bury it well sam talent sent me a picture that he drew of me. How's this going to work into a tip of the penis joke? The tip of my penis looked like the bad guy in Super Mario Brothers 3, like the cannon. Oh, yeah.

The bullets that you have to jump on. With those gnarly teeth. Well, with the eyes and stuff. All right. This didn't go. How detailed was this drawing? It wasn't very. It was a picture. How detailed was this drawing? It wasn't very. It was a picture. Oh, I'm sorry.

It wasn't a drawing of my whole body. Oh, it was just your penis. Yeah. That I'll probably explain. Key information. And then it said David on it. You know what? You know what?

My penis says David on it. Yeah, I know. That's not true. You and Sam have a special friendship. Yeah. If found return. Yeah. I don't know how you fit your whole address on there,

but you seem to. No, it's crazy. In the apartment number, it was a lot of work. It was a lot of work. There's also a P.O. box underneath that, just in case you move. I move a lot every time. That's my snowbird address sedona oh wow

sean what do you have anything coming up this uh have you did you do that stand up yet did you have you bought an elantra lately what's going on i will i will have done the stand up i do it tonight actually oh great your boy bought a 2017 hyundai elantra it's blue and david started calling it the crip whip and i like that so i'm gonna so i'm gonna keep that david was actually like dude it's blue you used to think you were a crip we should call it the crip whip and i was like man i'm in dude i'm in erroneous i'm calling it blue ivy i'm not i'm naming your car after jay-z and beyonce's kid dude blue ivy might actually be yeah because it's blessed yeah it's a carter blue ivy carter car tell everybody hey this is my new car blue ivy carter you see carter did you pick the hyundai because it's a south korean company and you practice the sacred out of taekwondo birthplace of taekwondo seoul south korea where

the kooky one is located which is where i actually received my black belt certificate from so that is why and the kooky one randy jackson or whatever your guy's name is you know kelly jordan used to slang hyundai's back in the day did she yeah on the side no she yeah she just slang south koreans on the side yeah what is happening my mom used to sell cars oh i didn't know that it's pretty bad wow all this time knowing you i did not know that yeah yeah my mom used to work at juvie i think that my mom used to be in juvie there's a lot you don't know about sue carmel there's a lot you don't know i believe it i think the statute of limitations might be up on this so i can air it out a little bit but mom took the car outside of state lines one time a company car we were not supposed to to take me to a taekwondo tournament and we smoked

a deer on the way back and it fucked the car up so bad. Damn. I don't know how she got out of it, but she's here. They're not going to kill her. I don't know what you do. She didn't get fired or anything. And I'm like, I would have got fired if I took a car that was only supposed to be in town, took it to North Dakota and then smoked a deer on the way back. I bet Kelly Jordan handled it like a pro.

She let out a couple of waterworks, you know? She cashed in a couple of favors. She covered a couple of Sundays. No problem. No problem. Smooth sailing. We'll forget this ever happened. What deer?

You know what I mean? Yeah. Clear freeways all the way back to Sioux Falls. You can smoke a deer in like next to Sioux Falls City Hall. So I don't think that's a pretty easy lie problem. You sure could. You sure could. My mom smoked a deer once and kept driving and then called back to the house and was like,

you guys got to go check on it. I don't know why I had to go to work. Oh, dude, I hit a deer. I come back from Minneapolis one time and I pulled, it's like three in the morning and I hit it and I saw a cop like a mile ahead of me that had pulled someone over already. So it was a cop with his lights on. And I was like, oh, I'll just go tell the cop. And I think about this now. So I pulled up behind this cop who had already pulled

someone over at three in the morning. I got out of my car and he came up with his hand, like, you know, whatever. And I was like, hands in there. I was like, I hit a deer. I'm sorry. I hit a deer. And he goes, oh, well, you sure did, didn't you? And then it was fine. But i was like i hit a deer i'm sorry i hit a deer and he goes oh well you sure did didn't you and then it was fine but i was like i kind of snuck up on him which is insane to think you would do you know because it is weird how that happens but you know they're not used to cars i guess i don't know cops insane they spook easy and they're dumb yeah anyway so yeah i got nothing coming up. Beautiful, beautiful. But you just sell it right in the Crip Whip, the Elantra.

I am. Dude, I went to five skate parks the other day when I got it. Did you really? Yeah. That feels excessive. Yeah, I was driving around. It was so fun. I haven't had a car in forever.

The Miracle Whip was the last one and David was with me when we killed it. RIP. RIP. RIP the Miracle Whip. Sean, have you been to LA to see how the Roost is handling COVID? whip was the last one and david was with me when when we killed it so r.i.p r.i.p the miracle sean have you been to uh la to see how the roost is handling covid no have you been in there for you they set up a patio in the parking lot out back we set that patio up a few times david yeah yeah we blazed that bottle back there set up a patio for a while we should donate all of our faded chairs over there because yeah using those fucking chairs and they need them it's just

every time i drive by there there's just like six old guys holding down like a table in the parking lot it's really of course they're yo that makes me nervous have you guys noticed and maybe this is just my block in the valley arise and old guy gangs lately yeah i mean i live in glendale i saw nothing okay you know about it you know there are young guy gangs in glendale too and they love guy gangs old guy gangs kicking it in the joanne's fabrics parking lot they like that's that's where you get jumped in they like to vacuum their cars together there's a lot of parking lot There's a lot of parking lot hangs in Glendale.

Dude, I was just out front of the LQ. That's what I call the liquor store. It's not. I don't know why it shouldn't be cool. I was hanging out. I was out front of the store. My friend was in the store. And we're on the street. And this old guy gang that's on my block, they're talking to each other. And then the one pulls out a baton.

And then the other one in i think what is russian is like oh no no no i got something for that and then he takes off his sandal his leather sandal and he puts it on his forearm and he's like you couldn't get me with that baton and he makes the guy hit his forearm covered in leather with the baton with a slide baton with a slide baton those things are gnarly and then me and zeke nasty are just watching it happen and the guy looks and he says ha ha ha it's jokes it's not jokes no it was wild it's deadly serious you guys are just hanging out on the corner what are you doing that's a block dude and i see them out there all the time yeah

i was hoping it was a different kind of baton. I was hoping for... Dude, no joke, let a parade around the block. I don't know where the marching band came from. I mean, if that was the case, that would have been my promo. Do you have anything to promote? Yeah, I do.

Do a Russian parade. Yeah, a Russian parade. That guy who's promoting a parade is David Boyd, the GS Island on Twitter, CoolGuyJokes87 on Instagram. Hey. Fucking CoolGuyJokes87 on InstaHam, dude. If you need ham in a hurry. Same site, same recipe.

No questions asked. InstaHam. On InstaHam. Yeah. Oh, no. And we got all the hams you like we got that root beer ham like a posh mark for ham they're not like why do you need ham you don't have to answer any questions there is a posh mark for ham just give me just what there uh what is

it called this ham hock it's kind of there's some service where you can buy like deluxe foods from all over the country i forget what it's called wow and they just sent it to i i don't think i could go i i feel like i could make a ham before i gotta like import a ham like i wouldn't import a ham but you can get like cat you can get like food from russ and daughters in new york or like or you can get like a lou malnati's deep dish pizza from chicago and they'll just send it to you in two days. A ham's not crazy, right? Don't you just put it in the oven? Like a turkey, you got to do all the stuff too,

but a ham, don't you just kind of cook it? Or am I nuts? You probably just cook a ham, but you got to, juices are important. You want to glaze it. Yeah, you want to glaze it. Well, I mean, turkey's like you got to go all in and do a ton of stuff.

You stuff it and all that, but a ham, you just decorate it and cook it, right? I don't know. You're a ham and a turkey. That's all I all i know sean jordan yeah ham and turkey right here give me a club sandwich hungry yeah a couple ham and turkey sandwiches for you made in knuckles bro you know i'm talking about trying to decide who makes thanksgiving dinner who makes christmas and you're trying to circle christmas right now is that what's going on is that why you're ham talking i make cripsmas dinner dude it's blue ham. Stop.

Nope. Yeah. Cripsmith's. Merry Cripsmith's, bro. And then I'm out. I seawalk all the way through the mall the whole time just buying stuff. Yeah, I'm just out here Cripsmith's shopping is what I say. Nobody asks what I'm doing at the mall.

They all know. But I just tell strangers like, Merry Cripsmith's. And then I Cripsmith's over to them. Is this also in December or does this fall in a different part of the calendar? I kind of do it all the time. I haven't been doing it lately. What? Because of COVID.

I tried to think of a Crip name and I couldn't. I wish you guys could see how disapproving I was of this whole rant. Yeah. They can hear it. Don't worry. It's obvious. David looks like he really believed in a student

and like, you know, like coached him through, stayed after with him a few days. And it's like, all right, all you got to do is do this verbal book report. And then Sean has just shown up and clearly hasn't read the book. Yeah, that kind of energy. Such a dumb kid, compassionate teacher thing.

Oh, dude, I win my reading class. Listen, a lot of your assignments are missing from this year but i'm gonna give you one chance to do a verbal book report now on france on the outsiders yeah it's also written by a child you should relate uh shout out to all the teachers who let me do last minute hail marys like yeah listen the zeros are dragging you down yeah just write something about when we went to the zoo i saw you throwing shit you had a good time they'll cross off we're gonna drop these two zeros they'll cross them off in front of you yeah yeah yeah like cooking the books in front of your eyes yeah so that they don't have to teach you again

next year in high school my boy my boy passed uh high school because shout out to robbie schroeder passed high school because uh he brought in two boxes of kleenex she was like listen remember the kleenex that i said you could bring in at the beginning of the year for two points extra credit i don't usually do this but you're a fucking idiot. John's been trying to get this plane off the runway for... Oh, I'm sorry. Thanks for noticing. And I've taken this plane off this runway numerous times,

but I don't know if I've done it while Bree is in the plane. Y'all remember book fairs at school? I used to go in there and just watch so many goosebumps and like erasers and stuff. Those were fun, man. Those were fun. I was weirdly into the place. Y'all remember book fairs at school? I used to go in there and just watch so many Goosebumps and like Erasers and stuff. Those were fun, man. Those were fun. I was weirdly into the toys. I mean, these books are cool. They shouldn't have sold toys at those. That's not fair

to the books. Sean? I'm gonna wait till the end. I killed a guy in middle school once. Now we can move on. I don't think you have told that story anyways i have something to promote do you david what do you have to promote oh i do today uh i may or may not be on probably the robert smigel fox comedy election special tonight you should watch it and maybe you'll see me maybe i got cut but you know maybe either way you were on those keys

either way either way david boy on the piano no you were saying that you got all buff for it right maybe you got cut i got but i got but what were you what plane were you gonna take off the runway right the butt plane i got but i got but for it that's also just my business catchphrase i got but you got something i got but for it come down you gotta catch you on a cell i got butt for it come down you got a couch you want to sell i got butt for it walking into a furniture store i brought the butt you give me the couch yep peanut butter meat jelly i'm gonna sit on something all right my butt your couch let's get married huh god you've been reading my diary you guys saw that video in the in the in the bruvs chat or of brie have you seen this it is a man a wedding and there are two guys wailing on electric guitar and like they're playing uh canon i think it's canon and d uh that

so they're wailing on the guitar are you looking it up right now brie okay i'm not gonna tell you then what happens i just want you to watch it Okay, I'm not going to tell you then what happens. I just want you to watch it. Wait, is she going to be able to find it, though? What do you got to look for? I think so. This dude playing guitar at wedding, it's got to be the first hit. It's on my Twitter.

I will. Okay. There's all these Laker fans yelling at me because they don't understand metaphors right now. Yeah, fuck them. Okay, I'm going to tag you in it brie hold on one second oh also october 3rd i'm doing stand-up at the irvine improv in uh in in uh los angeles in the parking lot really oh so saturday fuck next saturday oh no i gotta get ready for that i have to do an hour tonight and it ain't. You got it, baby. You got it. You got it. Both of

y'all, you're going to be beautiful. You're going to be brilliant. It'll come right back, honey. I told Laura some of the jokes I'm going to try and she's like, well, they're all about porn. And I was like, well, I don't know. I don't know what you want me to do. What did you think when you met me? You knew what this was. Yeah, you got

on the ship. What I love is that you're me? You knew what this was. Yeah, you got on the ship. What I love is that you're not even good at porn, Sean. Well, that's kind of what I'm going to... I was going to say, yeah, well, I don't want to wreck it for everybody, so stay tuned. Stay tuned to the Zeitgeist. It'll be out there. Don't give the milk away. Or the cow away? Do you give the milk or the cow away?

It's goats now. We're mostly doing goat cheese. Oh. Don't give the almonds away when you can have the milk for taste. Is that it? David thinks goats yield almonds. Don't taste the goats when you can have the almond milk. Bree?

What's that? Have you seen the video yet? Did you see? Yeah, I just looked at it. You guys were talking. It's pretty funny. It's pretty crazy. I don't understand weddings, I guess, or what the vibe is.

I love Weirdo Love so much, though. If you haven't watched it yet, it's two dudes playing electric guitar, and then the bride walks in also playing an electric guitar. Shredding. Shredding. Shredding. But very like chill, like rhythm section guitar vibes, you know? She's playing like a plucky kind of, she's not like wailing. The dude's wailing.

She's not wailing? I feel like this is heavily the guy's idea. Because he can wail and she, I feel like. Is she not wailing? She's not wailing as much. I feel like it's a band guy's idea where because he can wail and she i feel like is she not wailing she's not i feel like it's a band right i don't know she doesn't look like three guitar band band wedding she doesn't have three guitars wailing is hard to me i have no idea i feel like she was like okay i love you so we'll do this but no one else getting that vibe huh no i thought it was like i thought it was when you find somebody to feel like you ever meet somebody and you're like oh weird jake's got a girlfriend you know he loves sure uh-huh he loves like hedgehogs yeah like getting covered in peanut

butter and somebody beating him with a wiffle bot that's not a hobby but then you're like oh he found a girl who's into that she just loves Wifflebat Beat and they are together forever. Imagine this guitar player girl going for her dress fitting. And, you know, she's like, I'm going to need a lot of movement in the sleeves. Yeah. And the lady's like, hi, you doing some dancing at your wedding? She's like, not exactly. Yeah.

Just being all cryptic about it. Yeah. Yeah. Quit talking about your car. The cryptic? Is that not what it was? No, I said cryptic. Cryptics, dude.

They don't suck blood. They suck something else. No, it's blue when it comes out of you, and then it stays blue. Oh. Remember that? When you're kids and everyone's like, you know your blood's blue, right? Or green or something. I do remember that.

Eminem had that lyric. What? I guess that's why they call it windowpane that one that you like you did have that lyric and i like how you bring it up all the time what did he say i walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you cut you so fast that when your blood spilled it was still blue that was when his voice was all like so fast when your blood was still blue. That was when his voice was all like meh meh meh meh meh meh meh That's so fast, were you glad it was still blue? Yeah, remember when I had little kid like little brother voice? Hi kids, do you like violence? Are you trying to get on my level bro?

Why do you talk like me? Who's the guy from SNL who used to do Eminem and Brad Pitt? Taron Colom has a really funny Eminem. Really? Yeah, it was very like Pee Wee Herman. You know, like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When he starts going off, yeah, he does have a good Taron Colom. Taron Colom. Colometers, dude. David, do you promote your thing you're going to promote? Yeah, that's all I got. Fuck yeah, dude. Window pane. Watch that Smiley special. It's funny uh brie pruitt is also joining us brie pruitt on twitter yep instagram is it also brie pruitt on instagram yeah cross platform now

for the for the for the people that's a p-r-u-e-t-t god bless you ian it is bella right yeah it's bella right what have you got going on? How have you been? I've been good, man. One thing that's really been holding me down is doing a weekly podcast. So I've been doing You Can Do It with Brie Pruitt since April. It is a pep talk podcast for my comedian friends. And it's been really nice. It's been really nice to help comedians with whatever they're struggling with on their mind. I've got some weird ones.

Lisa Chenoux did my podcast this week. She's really funny comedian in LA. She told me she's been hugging her dog too hard because she needs like a comfort and a contact. It's like, damn dude, that's something I would have never thought that would be a struggle for somebody.

There's like a lot of random shit like that. I'm sorry. I, I immediately regret. What were you going to say? What shitty thing were you going to say, Dave? Let's hear it. I was going to say, Dave? Let's hear it.

I was going to say Sean's been hugging his hog too hard. Yeah, I am. Sean, go get some advice on it on our brief podcast. Yeah. I already, we went on there and we talked about skateboarding. Surprise, surprise. We talked about skateboarding. I'm on the Lost episode and we talked about well you're gonna

have to tune in to find out you're on the last episode of it david was my first interview and i screwed up i had four interviews that day and i screwed up all of them because marissa's job is not easy no no so i yeah so i have a lost episode where I only recorded my interviewer ease, and I chopped it up and made it episode four. That would be awesome. And it's Zach Toscani and David and Jamel Johnson and Alex Falcone. Oh, wow. That could really go any of four directions.

Yeah, I was going to say those are four different folks. Those are four different folks. Those are four very different folks. Can I plug one other thing? Plug on one. Okay. I'm doing an event in Portland, Oregon. This is for Portland, Oregon listeners for the Willamette Week.

They're launching a weed platform. They're doing a 420 happy hour. And on October 23rd, you can sign up. You'll get weed delivered. And then I'm going to a live um happy hour and we're gonna smoke the weed and talk with the bud tender from gnome gardens and that will be fun to smoke weed together that's excellent oh yeah you're gonna be in portland are you doing it zoom zoom zoom all right well i'll get my gandalf ready and i'll fucking tune in is that what you're

calling weed because i like that uh it's what tori's got a gandalf pipe that he bought like a replica of the gandalf pipe from lord of the rings and we smoked weed out of it once oh that's like a long it's fucking tobacco pipe look and thing you remember chat roulette yeah i remember chat roulette oh yeah oh it was that thing that all the dudes stroked on pretty much and then every now and again you'd find a people or a picture of people anyway so we were up in big dog's room one time and i was like all right i will i will sit we went through until we found someone who wasn't stroking and it was like whenever we'd find people like groups of people uh tory adam would juggle and then i would come

in with the nunchucks and i would chuck a little bit and then tory would lean in from the side with his gandalf and take a hit of weed and then we changed the channel. So that was what we did for a night one time. A lot of dudes used to beat off on Chatroulette. Yeah, I was wondering if the juice was worth the squeeze on that. No pun intended. That's pretty wholesome, actually. That's a pretty wholesome thing to see on Chatroulette. Everyone who saw it who wasn't stroking down loved seeing it.

And a lot of people... A lot of people who were stroking down loved it, too. A lot of people who were stroking down loved seeing it and a lot of people a lot of people who were stroking down loved it too a lot of people were stroking down were not fully erect which is wild to me i mean who are you to judge i'm sean david and i judge you don't know how do you know they weren't fully erect you can tell it's not it wasn't stiff i mean i'm talking like not at all i gotta say i hate the direction this podcast were you nunchucking first so you led the whole thing off so you would be you'd be the person if they were doing something inappropriate you had to see it i would be the person leaving off they were i think i think i

was the beat-off hitter and i think i was i think i was going three heads shaking on zoom no not three people beating off just one person beaten off most of the time. Were you ever tempted to just hit the computer with an nunchuck, like out of an instinct where you're just like, oh no! And then... An attacker. You went through a lot of iMacs that way. Right there.

It's to my right. Oh boy. Oh, that's another nickname. iMac? Oh. Imagine having your one, like you have this nunchuck juggling pot smoking fetish and you think that you're totally alone. Oh my God.

And you're limp and you can't get off because nobody sees you or understands you. And then one lonely Thursday night, you say, I don't know maybe maybe chat roulette would be the thing tonight i don't know probably unlikely weekends i don't know and and just like a flicker of hope and you click open and sean jordan comes power powerfully chucking then the ball then the juggle balls and you're like oh no it's happening you know this is the time and they're like don't don't do it like and then he's so excited and then the smoke comes on the screen oh my god that would be the problem with that is like

rudy rudy yeah that guy's still chasing that high yeah what do you do right after that you have to kill a drifter or something you're never gonna feel like that again you might just be a piece you may have reached nirvana at that point yeah i i don't really know how if you get your exact fetish and you have a really weird fetish if you still want that after that like for me if i really want mac and cheese and i get a lot of bad mac and cheese and eventually i get an excellent mac and cheese i'm good i don't need mac and cheese again for another two or three years that's true i only want mariah carey to kiss me on the cheek once that's it yeah right after she gets out of the pool in the honey video huh why would you do that wouldn't that be the best

time what am i what am i gonna focus on now just like a little lean in kiss so you don't get wet okay i just have to do a quick sidebar because i know you guys have not watched schitt's creek is that i have watched it have you watched the season six no i haven't yet okay we started it yesterday okay i'm just gonna say that there is a moment oh damn it i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to spoil it just know that there's very very romantic use of mariah carey lyrics in vows in a wedding in the episode of shit's creek and it's so beautiful i cried so hard and can you even imagine okay i'm sorry that's it i can't wait marissa no leave it in. No, let's keep it in. We're a pro-Shits Creek podcast.

It's a Canadian show. I think it's quite good. I say go off Dan Levy. I support chubby people doing good. We're also pro-shitting in creeks. That's true, too. I'm not specifically, but as a podcast, we are. I pooped in the Washougal one time, and I've told everyone about it, so no big.

The Wapougal? The Wapougal. specifically but as a podcast we are i pooped in the washugal one time and i've told everyone about it so no big the wapugal the wapugal the washugal guys we gotta stop picking we gotta stop picking pics from this washugal poop river was gonna be one yeah now you fucking knocked out my top five god damn it i'm ian carmel at ian carmel on twitter at ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish ian carmel on instagram at ian carmel on jewish whatever that app you get russ and daughter stuff delivered to your house on noshmark noshmark oh sorry i thought it would be great i thought of it 10 minutes ago and then i was like save it for later oh and reading one time in middle school yeah yeah yeah yeah what in his reading class dude he was reading class in middle school he was failing it i took multiple reading classes but i was failing one of them he took multiple classes i don't know how

many times i have to say on here that i for sure can read and people will still respond to me they will still respond to me this time particularly even though i'm going off right now with and very encouraging nice but like hey bro i struggle with it too and i just want to be clear i do not struggle i struggle reading out loud because i'm not a great reader but i can read so let's just be it's hard to read out loud i suck at it so much fantastic at it i know i love it i'm sure both of you are david are you good at it i do it for money i didn't ask that i do a lot of things for money i'm not good at were you also the kid in school who like volunteered to do the out loud reading yeah and sometimes the teacher would be like just keep going yeah you know don't stop we're not let

don't go to bob just keep going you know i i would get that and i would also get we have to let someone else ian you did the you did that last time and they would like spread it around where i would get i know i would get shame for reading it didn't stop did you ever think that it was queer that you couldn't just read the whole book and in front of class like that i thought it was quite queer yeah i mean they should have let me do it i was always the one who was like david you're giving the butterflies too much sugar water i was the one i'm sorry mr hermit said i couldn't hear you because you moved my desk into the hallway so what'd you say tie your shoes kid that was me the big joke around school was sean did his homework today i'm kidding i'm kidding

i'm kidding he didn't do it i'd love to hear what the teachers had to say about me in the lounge oh my gosh i wouldn't i would love it i'd like all you a piston they were like he's a real piston no i think they swore i think they were why can't we get that kid to stop putting rocks in his nose yeah you see sean's out there plugging up the hallway debooking everyone again yeah debooking is that when you slap him out of people's hands i got we used to creep up from behind and just rack their shit out and this kid walking up the stairs one time i waterfalled all his notebooks down the stairs i feel terrible about it but boy was it funny all his shit was just everywhere our big thing was just lifting up people's backpacks and then letting them fall back down no we slapped

shit out of people's hands for days it was fun real funny talking about this gives me anxiety yeah because you're realizing sean was a middle school bully uh no i'm not thrilled about it but i did i did have a i was a little pill not bully vibes but i think it was bully vibes no because i i thought it was funny i i was not why do you think bullies like they have a disease no because i liked it no listen i was having a really good time no i wasn't a bully i was having a blast i loved it you guys are confused i liked it i couldn't have been a bully anyway sorry i was i was a middle school, which was weird because I was way bigger than everyone else,

but I still caught it. I was bullied more in high school. Well, not bullied, but like names and stuff. I was pretty neutral. All right. Once I got to high school, you know what I mean? There was no denying me. I didn't bully anyone.

They found out you broke that kid's legs. In a football game, Bri. it wasn't like over some candy you're a very powerful person i had a baton he didn't have a leather sandals it was it went off oh no i told you what was gonna come happen if you come back here me and my boys shlomo and other Russian guy. Sean was a bully. Anyways. I don't really have anything to promote. Listen to all fantasy everything.

Watch the late, late show with James Corden where I'm still chiming in during the monologue like a real wiseacre. Dude, you got like two minutes the other day. That's dope, dude. Two minutes. You were on a TV show. McMahon. I know. That's what I'm trying.

I might start wearing a suit and laughing like ha ha ha ha you know but i gotta get there incrementally so he so he doesn't like call me out on it right right right i gotta work my way i got you gotta you know i'm not taking a helicopter ian are you trying to mcmahon me are you trying to mcmahon me you are correct sir that would be fun if you were just nope go ahead well i was gonna talk about my reading class in seventh grade but what were you gonna say i was gonna say something about publishers clearing house on the back end in his late life but it wasn't wasn't well thought out it wasn't well thought out it wasn't right it wasn't well thought i'm glad you ate up valuable

draft time with that disgusting tangent david thank you listen i'm gonna fucking punch you in the face speak speaking of valuable draft time we are not gathered here today only to punch on in the fucking face but also to fantasy draft nicknames we wish we had nicknames we wish i want to we had david yes can i just i want you guys to understand the bar is low i'm a nickname giver of others, not of myself. Me too. My list is not what you got. I don't want you guys to be like, whoa, it's going to be like David wants to be called Spanish Harlem.

It's not that. Why would you? That'd be a good one. Put it on your list. Why is it that one of them? What the hell are you talking about? Because it's not, I don't think about it for me. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Who should we call spanish harlem though i don't know if we called maloy that the least person of all time but then i was like it would he would immediately take to it yeah he would take to it too fast like a duck to water i'd go

to his house and be like why are they all these dominican flags in here i think the kid might be part dominican he's gonna call himself the nino instead of the kid oh the nino is hungry shout out to the kid though he's got like a he that guy got good at making cocktails over quarantine holy cow bro he's putting egg whites in there it's like wow very impressive that's amazing he's really doing it. Yeah, no, he's really nailing it. And he's got a new house. But anyway. For a guy who looks like he came from like,

I'm just going to pour hypnotic in a cup with some Red Bull roots. There's still like swisher guts in the cup. Oh, no. That's flavor. I'll be drunk by the end, but no one care. Shout out to anyone who's ever made a mixed drink in a styrofoam cup that had swisher guts in it oh dude we used to take spillway shots where they empty the spill mat into the into a shot glass at the end of the night stop well i say we i used to do that i don't not a lot of my bartender this was before that this is in my early 20s like because that would make me, oh, bro, I'd be so shook.

Oh, it was so. At the end of the night, the bartender is just like. That guy has been serving me all night. Anyway, I digress. I digress. We are now, the way we determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you.

And we throw on shoot. When Sean was in a reading rollicking game of rock, paper, scissors. Play between the three of you, and we throw on shoot. When Sean was in a reading class one time, rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Oh, David wins. Oh, I had my eyes closed, too. David wins. Sean and Bree threw up the deuces, and David threw rock, eyes closed, flying blind, dude, just using instruments. You won. Fly, fly. That means as the winner of rock paper scissors

it is incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's draft but before you do that i will remind you it is a serpentine draft and what is that it's a great question it's like frosting a cake what's a way to draft it's like a method of drafting that people use but since you're not clear on exactly what it is i'll try to give you like a visual so you could see. It's like imagine if you were frosting a cake and you want to do it evenly. Just because you do. You want it to look good. So you start.

You take it out of the pan. Am I going with like a lattice type of situation? What do you want? Yeah. You want lattice? I'm just asking you. Okay. No, you're not.

No, you're not. You're taking cream. Like the creamy whipped frosting. It's real light. And you start on the right side and you take that butter knife and you spread it all the way across to the left. And then before you spread back to the right,

you spread down a little bit so you don't spread over the same area that you had just spread. Spread all the way to the left and then you go down and then you get another dollop of frosting and you spread that all the way to the right and you go down a little bit

because again, you don't want to re-spread. And then you get another dollop of frosting, you spread that all the way to the right and you go down a little bit because again you don't want to re-spread and then you get another dollop of frosting you go from right to left so you just kind of down and then over to the right down over to the left down over to the right down over to the left sort of like that that has to that has to stick right you got that you get it dave dave bore basically what it means is you pick fourth in the first round, you pick first in the second round. Now, David, with that in mind, what will the order of today's draft be? I'm saying Karm's first. It's a hot corner, but not till second. Flip it on its fucking ear a little bit.

We need to shake things up. Holy shit. Karm's first. Bree second. David third. Sean fourth. Hot corner. That's a very hot corner.

I'm in the hot corner tonight. So, Karm's Bree, Sean David? Did I get that right? Me, Bree, Sean David. Sorry, Sean was talking. I'm in the hot corner. Where's the hot corner? Where's the hot corner?

Is that where Lyle is? Hot corner sounds like discount brand hot pockets it's just like i'm kind of broke you guys got hot pockets well my mom got hot corners we have a version of it you come over to my apartment like yeah turkey and swiss it's not ham and cheese but it's pretty good i think turkey and swiss would be good yeah we'll just cook them up in the bedroom kitchen and eat the hot corners it'll be great oftentimes a hot pocket is a hot corner and then a frozen ass middle all right yeah mouth burning corner or a mouth yeah hot lava we're we're doing well-tread jim gaffigan territory here but listen it's true and we love jim gaffigan now we love gaffigan dude yeah this is a this is a Gaffigan now. We love Gaffigan, dude. This is a Gaffigan, like a cover band.

I'm a Gaffigan cover comic. Yeah, yeah. Jim Gaffigan again. Again again. Jim Gaffinigan again. Oh, dude, I blew it. I was so excited. Gaffinigan.

Fuck. Gaffinigan? Gaffinigan again? Jack Finnegan. Who's Jack Finnegan? What the fuck is happening? David, get off the stairs. David's climbing onto the ceiling.

I don't know what's going on. Your shirt's not up there. I don't know where it is. I don't know what's going on. Jim Gaffigan again. Jim Gaffigan again. He'd be like, do people like this? Do we? Are we? Is this a podcast?

I don't like when he does this. Do you introduce a third, even higher voice? I'm not so sure about this. I think it's okay. I don't know. Is he doing the third voice again? Yeah, he is. It would be funny to do a show

where we were doing sets inspired by other comedians but not their material oh my god I would love it that'd be fun cause that way it wouldn't be hard to memorize you could do Bobcat Goldthwait

you could just do an impression and do your own jokes hi you ever remember can I do my Bobcat Goldslade impression for you guys? Yeah. Hi, I'm Bob. Yeah, that is what he's like now. Yeah, he's pretty nice. Yeah, he's a director and he's just normal.

Pretty laid back guy. Hey, I'm Bob. Pretty laid back. Pretty cool guy. Now we have the draft order, which means I am on the clock first and we will get to my first pick right after this short break. This episode of All Fantasy Everything

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Rosacea is when you get drunk on rosé. Rosacea is my rosé-inspired train journey throughout southeastern Asia. I conceived my daughter when I was drunk on rosé, and I have called her Rosacea. No, that makes sense.

That's why I'm called Mickey. Yeah. No. That's why my daughter's called Old English Blunt. Because of Mickey's big mouths. Old English Blunt. Oh, yes. Oh, not slipped her a Mickey.

No, no, no. No, yeah, no. Mickey like a grenade. Did you know I learned about mickey's from erica badu i had never heard that term before just the two of you talking on that song on that song certainly yeah and then i turn around and then he's like yeah i love her man you guys gotta watch um i may destroy you then if you are unfamiliar with mic practices. It's very good. I need to watch that. I'm supposed to watch it. Oh, never mind.

It's great. It's a very good show. I heard it's really good. Is it as heavy as it seems like? Because I'm rarely in the mood for a very heavy show. And that's the problem. It really is. It's unfortunately mandatory for you all to watch.

All right, I'll watch it. If you say so, I will. I have opposite opinions about heavy shows and heavy open face sandwiches. I'm often in the mood for one of those things and not the other. I have opposite opinions about heavy shows and heavy open-faced sandwiches. I'm often in the mood for one of those things and not the other. I really can't call it to be honest.

A lot of times I want a heavy open-faced sandwich, not a heavy show. You put them together, though. That's a dense Sunday. Don't you watch exclusively soap operas?

I've only watched Banging on Little Rock since it came out 25 years ago. That's the only thing I've been watching. I watch Banging on Little Rock about nine times a day and then I go to bed. No, you have my show time.

I see what you watch. I guess I've seen, I watch The Brothers, Belly and Menace with you sometimes. You watch a surprising amount of Omar Epps movies is what you watch. That's one of his nicknames is a surprising amount of Omar Epps movies. that's one of his nicknames there's a surprising amount of omar f's movies speaking of nicknames it is time for me to make my first pick the first pack first pick of the nicknames we wish we had all fantasy everything draft and with my first pick i'm going to take the wedding present what what yeah what the fuck is happening wedding present that's i wasn't ready for that sick yeah what can we call you wp for short this is wild you can you can boil it down to wp if you want

to now there's a band called the wedding present and that's part of the partial the inspiration was only from hearing the name the wedding present but i want to be called the wedding present because i'm a good time at weddings yeah and i will i would like to have earned that by like showing up at weddings and having a great time and inspiring other people to have a great time and then people start calling me the wedding present yep that's a long time i think it's fantastic i love it you look like you saw a ghost i i don't i'm just i i that's so smart i mean yeah of course it's probably the smartest thing we're gonna hear all day i know it's the smartest thing we've heard so far and uh i don't see anything getting smarter than that the wedding present

yeah i love to have a good time at weddings i think i think for the most part i rise to the occasion i'm looking forward i'm looking forward to some weddings in the next calendar year oh yeah yeah your boy both my sisters are getting married and you really i've only got an invitation to one of those weddings i'm gonna need to rectify that is that three different suits or what's the plan that might have to be three different suits now that i'm losing weight that might have to be three different suits well yeah my wedding but what about your sisters oh that'll be four of the four suits between them yeah yeah i'm gonna have evening wear for sean's wedding sean would

you be pissed if i had an outfit change at your wedding i'd be thrilled do you how do you think laura would feel about it should be yeah really how will she feel if i'm wearing uh mesh shorts at night but make it fashion you better make it real fashionable my friend because we're not going to be worried about laura's opinion we're going to be worried about mine in that situation oh wow yeah okay it's a man you got you got some change in your pocket now what if i got a grill for your wedding i've been thinking about that dope oh i thought you said nope because i was like okay because i've been pricing stuff. Girl, be great. Yeah, man. The wedding present.

Oh, dude, the wedding present's coming. It's going to be dank. Right? Yeah. Who else is going to be there? Oh, Steve, Greg. I don't know. Purple stuff.

Sunny D. Purple stuff. And the wedding present's coming. Don't give away my nickname. Purple stuff. Yeah. Purple stuff. Purple stuff.

Purple stuff fruit. Triple fruit triple d oh man it's double it's two piece psp i'm i'm off today i don't know it's how people call buffalo wild wings uh bw3 well you know it used to stand for uh is it whack whack i did know that yeah i'm the guy who would know that with you though i know sean sean definitely texts it bw3s every time you text and i texted a lot like enough for us to know how w3 yeah every time so the wedding present that's my first pick brie type of your first pick okay so when you guys were talking about middle school high school the reason it gives me anxiety is just like i don't know man the amount of cruelty that was in that building oh yeah and just like the pain and like yeah what if the bully was having fun though then it doesn't yeah what if the bully is in pain also

like everyone's in pain everyone is hurting i didn't know my dad so yeah it was tough oh honey that's what i'm saying everybody is going all the way through it baby brie your baby brie was um you know definitely did not care for herself very much. She did not care for her body and face. But I was very, like, well-connected in high school. I did all the theater, all the leadership, all the speech team outings. Hell yeah. Some sports support, as in homecoming assemblies and things like that.

So I, like, wanted people to call me Queen Brie. Oh, I love that. Because Queen Brie is right there, and Queen Brie is right there. But I was not like a homecoming queen. I was princess one year, you know? Hell yeah. Oh, you were in the court then.

I was in the court one year. Seriously? I crimped my hair and wore various layers of black tulle. I was very goth. It was weird. How many people went to your high school? I think like 3,000 plus. Okay, so you were known then.

I was known. I was extremely depressed and deflected a lot of attention because i was not uh like traditionally beautiful i feel that i was in a similar i never made it you know i know ian you know i was also i was like popular in high school but only but not in the way you wanted to be popular in high school other and popular other than popular yeah yeah and it's because being smart and fat and like different in portland which is like small town vibes kind of sometimes and very conservative. And I was kind of ethnic, you know, weird.

Yeah, they didn't know what to do with you. Yeah. But they knew you were undeniable at the same time. Truly. Yeah. What high school did you go to in Portland? Clackamas High School. Clackamas High School.

Wow. Yeah, so you weren't even, it was even more small town and even more conservative than like maybe the Portland people are thinking of. it's pretty yeah if you if you all have heard of portland this is like the 4-h cousin of portland which is now just like very much a suburb but when i went there there were cows nearby um you guys had 4-h too yeah yeah we had 4-h in beaverton there was 4-h for sure i think we had really h and soup 4-H in Beaverton. There was 4-H for sure. I think we had 4-H in Sioux Falls. I think of Beaverton as so cosmopolitan.

I know. We were, like, when my parents bought the house out there, it was mostly Christmas tree farms. Yes. It was, like, it was pretty rural. And then it, like, sprung up. Hold on. Yeah.

Near my high school, too, Christmas tree farms. A lot of Christmas tree farms. They have farms just for Christmas trees? Yeah, where do you think those trees come from? Yeah. I was just like surplus they had in the winter i thought it was like we grow apples over here and then we just got a back lot for like a few trees no man zerberg farms is like still all christmas trees sort of like how you know those companies just grow like corn and pumpkins and then their whole deal is corn maze, you know, similar Christmas industry. Yeah. Or like the Halloween store.

Yeah. Yeah. We're putting up Christmas lights, which is a job for criminals, if I know. Really? Yeah. What do you know about that? I know several criminals who put up Christmas lights in the winter. Really?

Moving companies and Christmas lights. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, you mean they were like professional? I don't want to get into it. You paid them to come put your Christmas lights up? Is that what you mean? Yeah.

Oh, that's ridiculous. What am I doing? What am I doing out here? Just jobs where they get sneaky access to your home. Yeah. No, thanks. We put up our Christmas tree with Halloween lights on it. So what's up?

I don't know what you want me to say to that. That's cool, dude. Real Nightmare Before Christmas vibes, huh? Mm-hmm. Jack Skellington over here? It's not on the list, but you know. Most of you are back to school shopping at Hot Topic and a little bit at Zoomies. I was a lot at Shopko.

A lot of hoodies with thumb holes cut out. I remember when kids figured that out. Like, oh, dude, my hand doesn't freeze. I cut a hole for my thumb and smoked cigs And my hand won't freeze And you're like you dirtbag Did you call your room the brie hive by chance? That's a great idea

I would have if anybody had called me queen brie I think we should call you Of all these and I only know two have been taken But of all these I think queen brie has a chance of sticking I think the wedding present has a good chance of sticking, especially after 2021. Thank you very much. Thank you.

Mine aren't sticking. I'll tell you that. Don't worry. This next one will not stick. Yeah. Queen Brie is excellent. I'm going to call you Queen Brie. I'm going to think of you.

Yay, thank you. When I'm like, we should have Queen Brie on. This feels pathetic, but I love it. This is one of those ones that's not. I don't think it's pathetic at all. It's just such a perfect nickname. It's awesome. We're just giving ourselves.

This is dope. This is what I've always been wanting to do. Give myself some nicknames. It's tender to ask for what you want, you know? David. Time for David's first pick. This one, there's not even any reason to it. I just feel like if it's me, Grandpa,

I think it would be a good nickname. I like that that rules yeah that's not bad at all would you like enjoy being called that though yes oh yeah if you're young it's kind of saucy yeah that's exactly what i think like to be like just like a 26 year old grandpa not a 26old grandfather, but just a dude people call grandpa. Yeah. I like the way it sounds. Now you're throwing 26 around.

Oh, yeah. I'm 27. Did I not run this past you guys? As a 29-year-old, I do remember your 27th birthday. I do remember that. Yeah, exactly. Cool Guy Jokes 87, it is an emotional time more than... 87 is not my birthday year.

87 is like how many times you've laughed at TikToks on any given day. Yeah, exactly. Some are funny. I like them. 90s Baby Otz Raised Me is the t-shirt I'm wearing right now. You can't see it because it's a podcast, but he is wearing it. He has a badge for that.

Baby aunts raised me. No. I am 33 years young. Hey. Hey. And I want to be called Grandpa. And there's not really much to it. I love it.

I like that. Yeah. Let's get Grandpa another beer. Yeah. Can you get Grandpa another beer? Oh, shit. Grandpa's coming over. Grandpa's got loud. Or there's ice in the freezer and meat on the grill grandpa's in town yeah yeah yeah

oh man grandpa made me a steak the other day it was crazy dude stephanie started dating stephanie's dating grandpa. That dude? Yeah. That dude? All right. Grandpa and Stephanie are dating. Grandpa with the Sonata? Yeah. Fucking love that guy, dude.

Damn it. You know he fought my cousin once behind target. I'm holding a party. Is it too much to ask? Do you think you can get grandpa there? I told everybody that grandpa would be at the party. Is it a frosting party loves a frosting party what's a frosting party you gotta ask grandpa he loves him you love frosting man this is your second frosting reference to the podcast i'll bring it up a few more times. Who doesn't like frosting?

I'm not the hugest man. You're a savory boy. Yeah. It's like fine, but it's just like so easy to be like too much. And then I'm like, this is gross. Yeah, you got to know your limits with frosting. Yeah. You can make a savory frosting.

Good. Sometimes you'll see those people. Get out of my dream journal, Green. You can't like a gravy frosting? Gravy and barbecue sauce? I was thinking of a savory, like an herbal cream cheese frosting on some sort of meat cake. You could do it on a meat cake or you could do it on like a cornbread. Could you do it on like a hoe cake?

Ooh, what's a hoe cake? Stop taking my nicknames. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. Don't do that to me. It's a real kind of cake. Don't be like that. You're talking about Frost and Ho cakes. We're trying to be.

Listen, grandpa's Frost and Ho cakes again. I like that. Somebody would be like, Hey, you got to try my recipe. Grandpa gave it to me. Oh,

your grandpa. No, no, no. The dude down the block. No, grandpa. Yeah.

Lives in apartment three oh you mean for a a chicken with a beer can in it yeah that sounds like a grandpa special no grandpa that dude who's always bumping tlc a little too loud yeah grandpa can't get too loud i don't know he calls it his red light special i don't know yeah yeah i think he works at ralph's i don't really know that guy. Yeah, Grandpa, he plays Boyz II Men on his phone at inappropriate times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grandpa, he works out at the park. You know? He's the guy who uses the workout equipment at the park.

He listens to music while he's riding his bike out loud. Oh, Grandpa with the beach cruiser. Yeah, I know that guy. You know Grandpa? He comes over and sometimes he'll move your couch without asking if he can move your couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grandpa, I bought that guy. I know that guy. Grandpa, he comes over and sometimes he'll move your couch without asking if he can move your couch.

Grandpa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grandpa, I bought you a fish tank. Grandpa, he's weirdly into minor league baseball. He's got a lizard. He's really into that guy. Grandpa, man. Grandpa.

Grandpa. Grandpa. You know Grandpa. You know Grandpa. He made a wind chime out of Modelo's and hung it on your porch. Yeah. Said it was a Chinese New Year's's present i don't know what that guy's into i don't really know he's cool though man i like his vibe no i like him i like him

no i like grandpa for you yeah yeah time for your first and second picks as it is a serpentine draft well i'm going my first pick is what i want my basketball nickname i'm gonna punch you in the face girl not i want a basketball nickname like all the dope basketball players and i was trying to think of a cool one is this if i was good at basketball okay now imagine i'm really good at basketball i got it yeah especially defense okay and i want my nickname to be called the consequence did it again my face is turning red i'm embarrassed you dunk on someone and then you get right in their face and you say face the consequences consequences are real yeah dude if you were on team with paul pierce it could be truth or consequences you got you can yeah that's good

yeah i was thinking about a lot of that stuff where i'm like what would this work and i think it would if like the right i could hear shack and charles saying it all the consequences were real tonight charles at the one time i agree with you the consequences were pivotal on defense that's why you don't go low post with the consequence. I mean, he's one of the best big men in the game. Bobby the Trigger. It'd be so dank, dude. I know.

I can tell by how excited you are right now. That was one of the later ones I thought of, and I was like, oh, this is the good one. Would it work if you did another sport? Like if you're a skateboarder, would anyone call you the consequence? No. Like a pro skateboarder? No. No, no no you can't in other sports it sounds like a problem you could be if you were a defensive back or a closing pitcher yeah yeah a closing pitch

would be another great one the consequence is coming yeah yeah if you were just if you were just a closer like hey if you if you can't if if you're down in the ninth inning you gotta deal with the consequences yep and then i just come out there i grip walk all the way out it's very long the consequence my own signature blue baseball that i throw so yeah i don't think they let you do that i call it the mlc when i play baseball major league cakes ball dude Baseball. Major League Kicks ball, dude. David, you shouldn't. It's not healthy to stifle laughter. It's like holding in a sneeze.

I don't know what you're doing. You know the Baltimore Orioles? Yeah, man. Plays for the chicago cucks yeah yep the i don't even know what a cuck is the consequence is someone who enjoys watching their uh romantic partner pleased by another person that's what i was trying to say the other day that is a cuck that is a cuckold it's a cuckolded yeah but okay and i've always been confused a cuck old is someone that likes it right well i guess not i guess it's anyone but it's come to mean like in the day you see if you were cuckolded it made you like your partner cheated what do i call the guy having sex with my wife the cuckold i call him rob yeah I call him Grandpa.

Unpack that. Yeah, why do you? I'd rather have Grandpa bone my wife than the consequence. I'll tell you that. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because the consequence has herpes, clearly. I feel like you did something. I mean, it's retribution for something.

The consequence, that's amazing. What's your next pick? Hot corner. I've always wanted like a good looking person nickname. Yeah, yeah. Or just like something that- I know exactly what you mean. Because I've never been hot or anything.

And I'm trying, it's between two, but I'm going to go, I want people to call me Abs. Abs? Yeah. I think that'd be a fun nickname like short for abdominals yeah for my abs like they're so on point break system no not about analog breaks i want somebody like oh shit abs is coming over i think it'd be tight it'll never happen i'll never be abs but um i think it'd be ironically the abs at some point yeah i think you could realistically be straight up abs in seven weeks i think less time than that i don't think so yeah i it's like it's it's mostly diet i think

i really you're like svelte right now look at you look at that forearm yeah you gotta go on a cut and blast the abs dude and then like listen to me and ian about how to get abs. Yeah, me too. I got some tips too. What if you took what if you ate like some garbanzo beans and. Also mix some whey protein in that. Yeah, just do pre-workout, pre-workout, just two pre-workouts and then a post-workout. Yeah, do a post-workout and then work out, but you

know, take it easy. Yeah, I like to do I actually like to supplement my pre-workout with like two lines of blow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do that. So I got the pre-workout down. Oh lines of blow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do that. So I got the pre-workout down. Oh, I also take supplements. It's so weird that you said this.

We're all very into fitness. We're all very health conscious people here. Los Angeles, you know, that's us. We've never been to Bolivia. I do want to restate that on the podcast. None of us have ever been to Bolivia for any reason. Not for drugs, not for exporting animals. I didn't have to go to Bolivia to pass my 7th grade reading class at all.

I didn't have to mule anything to Bolivia to pass reading. There was no joy in Bolivia that day, my friends. No, no, no, no, no, no. And there was definitely no Sean, David, or Ian there. Bree, you ever been to Bolivia? No, no, no, no, no. No, none of us have been to Bolivia. Central America? No, never.

We stay out of there as a rule. Just to get that on the record on the podcast, no, no. No, none of us have been to Bolivia. Central America? No, never. We stay out of there as a rule. Just to get that on the record on the podcast, just in case. And hello, Your Honor, if this ever comes up. You look wonderful today, and we respect your judiciousness. Abs, dude. You want us to call you abs? You really could get abs, though, I think. Yeah, I don't think it would be.

I really, I think you're really under- I think you could do it. I'll tell you one thing about being called abs. You only have to have abs once to be called abs forever. Yeah, that's a great point. That's true. If I did just get them real quick

and just be like, show somebody. Be like, cool, cool. You should get them for your wedding. Whoa. That way when Ian says, I now pronounce you husband and wife, instead of kissing Laura, you just take them out. I'll be like, Sean's been practicing abstinence

up until the wedding. I think shirtless Sean nunchucking down the aisle is it? your mom, Kelly, would not walk you, escort you down the aisle because that would be so dangerous, but I think

she would need to announce you and then get out of the way. And then get out of the way. And then she just hits, you know, play on the fog machine. And then, and on the boombox, and it's like, everybody was kung fu fight. No, we're gonna do zip up hoodie unzip, no shirt underneath, and I'm

actually gonna have Michael Buffer announce me. That's a sleeveless hoodie we're talking about here oh yeah of course okay the heat's gonna be on in there so that's what i thought i'm gonna have time for sleeves my friend playing freak you uh-huh yeah oh i might play that shy if i ever fall in love again that going to be the first dance, I think. And if I ever fall in love again. Laura's dad just questioning things. He's just out there polishing a rifle that someone used at Gettysburg or something. I'm like, I don't know what's going on.

It's not legal if I kill him with this. Abs. I think we probably got to hurry it is all right uh grandpa time for your second pick i've always wanted i always like a two-letter name but i kind of want one off the beaten path right okay everybody's aj who's not an aj it's all full of aj's shout out to aj i want to be a rc rc cola dude yep 100 i like these because we can put them together rc grandpa and that rc my friend does rc stand for royal crown like an rc cola man a lot of things a lot of things it stands for a lot of stuff robin children dude rigatoni capone

ray cool yeah rigatoni capone ray cool Cool. Yeah, Rigatoni Capone. Ray Cool? Ray Cool. Ray Cool is the least cool dude you know. If you know someone named Ray Cool, he's a fucking dork. Oh, that's not how it is in my head at all. Rastafarian Christmas? Yeah, yeah.

Not anymore. Not since last year. Not since last year. Rockin' Cobalt? I did that once. Rockin' Cobalt? Yeah, he wears Cobalt. He wears a lot of Cobalt. Yeah, and he has a Chevy Cobalt. Last year. Not since last year. Rocking cobalt. I did that once. Rocking cobalt. Yeah, he wears cobalt. He wears a lot of cobalt.

Yeah. And he has a Chevy Cobalt. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Any number of things. Any number of things. Any number of things. Rare chandeliers.

Yes. I like how the whole neighborhood would have theories about how he got RC. Yeah. No, that's about how he got RC. Yeah. No, that's not how he got RC. How he got RC was when he went to Russia and they called him. Oh, the Russian consulate. Yeah. Russian consulate.

Everybody says rare chandeliers like they know that dude's name isn't remote control. Come on. Don't be like that. Radiator coolant. That dude's name is remote control come on don't be like that radiator control rumor central he stood up and the remote was stuck to his ass he tries to make you think it has some chandelier shit now he does now he does have some dope chandeliers but that's not what it stands for yeah it's because he had the remote control stuck to his ass why Why did they make the Apple TV controller so small? Who knows?

That's some post hoc ergo proctor hoc shit, you know? Yeah. Yeah. RC, anyways, that's it. I love that. Yeah, that's good, man. I think it fits me. I think I could be an RC.

I think I could live up to the name. Ripped Christ, you know, when you see Jesus and he's all buffed. That's when I'm in my ab stage. That's when you're practicing abstinence. Randolph Childress. Damn, that's tight. I've said that out loud now. Just straight up Randolph was one of my nicknames I was going to pick,

but I just said Randolph Childress, so I can't take it now. But just know that I had Randolph on deck. Randolph is good. Randolph is good. Randolph is good. Rudolph Coltrane. Ooh, Rudolph Coltrane. Rudy Colt? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why do you go by RC? Well, my name was Randolph, I'm done. Rory Calhoun. Rory Calhoun. I'm going home. Yeah. David's out, guys.

Bree, time for your second pick. Okay, in this world, this is a nickname about my body. And this is before the movie Dumplin' came out on Netflix like a year and a half ago. Great film, by the way. It's okay. My nickname is...

Good. That movie's heartwarming. It was okay. I will ride for that movie for sure that's good for sure more examples for babies of the of the of the young fat women okay so my nickname is soup dumpling because i'm juicy but korean people would call me mandu because that's what or for white people call me soup'. I'm calling him white. I'm going to call you Mondu if it pleases the court. Because she's juicy and Korean.

She's juicy and Korean. Soup Dumplin'. I love that. That's perfect. Now I've got to take juicy and Korean off my list. And delicious. And delicious. Hits the spot, you know?

You can throw as many modifiers on you as you want on there. David, I will call you Korean and delicious. Grandpa delicious. Grandpa delicious. Grandpa delicious coming to the party. That's a whole other thing. Grandpa delicious isn't allowed in the house, man. Grandpa delicious wears velour tracksuits only.

Oh, yeah. They say he's a close personal friend of Sergio Tachini. I've heard that. I heard that from RC actually. Yeah, no, they both go to Tulum together. Grandpa Delicious was in prison but his cell was a sauna.

Grandpa Delicious who has velvet jewelry. Fabric jewelry is a whole other thing you guys aren't ready for yeah man soup dumpling mandu i'm digging it dumpling i fucking love a soup dumpling too yeah we got some soup dumplings from uh din tai fung the other day when we were having a day sunday that was i love getting uh takeout from them because it's like a bunch of presents a bunch of wedding presents exactly A bunch of wedding presents. Oh, what's this? Oh, you shouldn't have.

You gift wrap all my fucking pork buns, you beautiful restaurant. Sticky rice, it's wrapped twice. Oh my God, oh wow. This is very nice. It's so nice we wrapped it twice. It's the rice so nice they wrapped it twice. Yeah, man man that's fantastic

Soup dumpling is excellent I'm going to call you Queen Bree instead of soup dumpling Because I feel like if the two of us are in front of someone Who doesn't know that we know each other And I call you soup dumpling Then I might get put on the summer jam screen It's kind of romantic It kind of sounds like you call your boo soup dumpling

Yeah that's a great That is a great pet name Soup dumplings are great if the other person's okay with it yes they're okay soup dumpling i love it time for my second and third picks as it is a serpentine draft second pick poop crumplin poop crumplin that's a bum. That's a nickname that is definitely given to you. Yeah. Second one, I want Slush Fund. Damn, that could be, yeah, that's great. That really could come, that could mean anything.

You sound rich. Yeah. Slush Fund. Slush Fund, I want to earn it after a night out where I pick up every check. Yeah. Wait, I don't understand the correlation. A Slush it's like extra money right yeah it's like extra money so it's extra extra extra babes like a business might have a slush fund and it's like oh we use that for like entertaining clients or whatever you know like it's a little a little bit like petty cash yeah which would also be a great nickname

well if someone who has seen you slush fund actively i think yeah more more importantly your my nickname should be extra hotel room that's what happens when you slush fund what happened we're all slush funding last night it was rough no do you think i said picking up every chick yeah oh i said pick up every check oh that makes way more sense i was like this is all right i love that though i love that you roll along with me picking up every chick that i would call them chicks like i was wearing a fox yeah i was just like this is new i don't know man what happened to Ian, man?

Pandemic is, you know, it affects different people differently. Homeownership, dude. It's homeownership. All of a sudden, I'm calling girls chicks and voting right, you know? Well. Yeah, it's bad news. Wait, wait, wait. I like this less.

Picking up checks. less picking up checks picking up checks baby slush fund yeah that makes sense paying for bar tabs getting dinner slush fund SF I'm going to move on now to my third I've got the wedding present I've got slush fund

now I'm just going something where this is not as elegant i just want to go by tugboat for a while oh no you need a bruiser one that's good yeah you need a name that makes you sound like a bruiser for sure yeah is it is it like ju ju ju ju the tugboat dude I wasn't going to start with that Wait shit was that racist? I know I think he was a bully I mean it would be funny if Ian was Jewish Wait are you Jewish?

No I am Jewish 100% Oh then it's really funny Queen Bree out here Queen Bree out here living life I love it The hive is active. The Bree hive. The Bree hive. Just tugboat,

dude. Tugboat, I like. You want to step outside, my buddy. Tugboat's out there parking the Elantra. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. You need a bruiser, a rough and tumble one. Because the tugboat is smaller than the gigantic ships. It's tugging along.

It's a compact muscle. Power push. Yeah, because it can take knocks, man. Yeah. And it just evokes this whole longshoreman culture, tough, building America, unions. Roll up sleeves. Yeah. Yeah, unionized, though.

Unions. Yeah. No, it's a good job. One of those dirty short sleeve button-ups, but still roll the sleeves up, and then you got the dock worker hat on the beanie uh yeah man which is a look i like which is a look i enjoy tugboat oh yeah he got thrown out of the navy yeah that's why he's too many tattoos wasn't an honorable discharge it wasn't a dishonorable discharge they just agreed to part ways yeah yeah it was

they just came to part ways. Yeah. They just came to an understanding in a port in Sri Lanka. Very amicable. The word was thrown around quite a bit. He was court-martialed. It took eight seconds and it shook out fine. I don't know why. It was really weird. It was the world's first amicable court-martialing. It was fine.

That'd be another good basketball nickname. The court-martial? The court-martial. Oh was fine everybody that'd be another good basketball nickname the court-martial the court-martial oh my god that'd be tight wow he's more of a point guard though that's that's not the consequences that's not me i'm a big man downtown in the post yeah uh tugboat just coming through it would be a better name brie that's a good point it would be a better name for like a smaller dude like so if we meet like a bit like if simon gibson got jacked like he'd be the tugboat, you know, not that he's smaller,

but he's like, he packs a wallop. It would definitely be Simon Gibson. But also what if it was like tugboat and it's like, and the guy would be like, yeah, let me meet your friend tugboat. And you go outside and there's a line of guys and Ian is bent over to pick

something up. Yeah. And so everybody's like, where's this tugboat guy? And then Ian stands up and shows his full height. Oh yeah. And so everybody's like, where's this tugboat guy? And then Ian stands up and shows his full height. Oh, yeah. And then they go,

oh, no. That's gotta be tugboat. Yeah. It's more of a fucking carnival cruise. Yeah. I like that scenario. It is not good when their friend is big.

We're all picturing this happening outside of the roost, right? Yeah. Okay, cool. I'm sure we could just go there and see it happen immediately right now especially now that the roost is a parking lot sunday during the day i'm a five minute walk from the roost we could be there quick yeah it is right up the street a five minute walk there 15 minute walk back yeah you know what i mean yeah it's because we go to del taco soup dumpling it's time for your

next pick okay for this one um okay i am it's the 1930s uh when when nicknames were very good um and i'm a i'm a woman who marches to her own drum i don't get married. I'm not going to be a school mom. Okay. I'm doing my own things. And you know what they call me? Trixie. Trixie. They don't know what I do. They assume maybe I'm turning a few tricks. And, you know, this was like maybe more normalized sex worker time compared to like, you know,

2020. Yeah. But Trixie. I love that. With an X or a CK? Oh, with an X. 100%. Yeah, I wrote it with an X. Yeah, with an IE. I love that. With an X or a CK? Oh, with an X. 100%. Yeah, I wrote it with an X. Yeah, with an IE. I wrote that with an X. Yeah. Trixie.

Yeah. That's about it. I love it. Trixie. People don't quite... You're mysterious. They don't really know about you. They're speculating. It's a speculating nickname. And I don't have to answer any questions. No. I don't need to, you know, hey, Trixie, what's good? And I say, nothing, you fool.

And they go, whoa, she's great. Wow. Like, I don't have to say anything or be interesting. Put the tobacco in your own pipe, Jack. Why don't you open the paper and read about it and then just keep it moving, you know? Damn. That is so dope.

I like it. It'd just be fun to be Trixie just for a night that might be like a mode you get into too you know what I mean even in 2020 it's like you take like a like a drambuie or whatever you drink and then you're like oh I think Trixie's in the building oh shit this might be a Trixie night

I feel like coming up Moscow Mule and start talking like John Mulaney and get into it. At a bar that doesn't have Moscow mules, but you got your own copper cup. Oh, no, I brought this from home. What? You don't have the right cup? Use one of mine. Yeah, here you go. I took

these off someone in a game of chance back in the alley. Do you got those necklaces that go down to your waist? I'm wearing a lot of baubles. Yeah, for sure. That is a lot of jewelry. What's a bauble? Jewelry. And do you have a visible a lot of baubles yeah for sure yeah there's a lot of jewelry what's a bauble jewelry okay and do you have like a visible tiny gun somewhere it's not visible yeah visible you got people see a little bit of it i think you feel it you don't see it i feel like you feel it okay all right i feel his presence in the room

it's one of those tiny guns careful careful i think trixie might be packing heat yeah yeah it's not like you will use it you plan on using it it's it's one of those tiny guns careful I think Trixie might be packing heat it's not like you will use it you plan on using it it's one of those where you're like I might use it I plan on it I plan on it the same way I plan on getting a drink when I get to the bar it's that how much I plan on using my tiny gun I feel like the gun's name is Trixie 2 I don't know Trixie T-O-O

Trixie and Trixie 2 have you boys ever met Trixie? yeah we're talking to you aren't you? that's not the Trixie and Trixie 2. Have you boys ever met Trixie? Yeah, we're talking to you, aren't you? That's not the Trixie I mean. And then she robs us. Well, I hate to be rude. Let me make some introductions. Squam! I kill them all.

And then the cops are like, Trixie, we heard that you killed somebody. I'd be like, who's a Trixie? My name is Lisa Marie, and I'm just a girl. And they'd be like, okay. But I can introduce you to Trixie. Bam! And then they'd get killed. How many bullets does this tiny gun have?

That escalated. You guys ever heard of Trixie and Clyde? That's right, you haven't. What happened on Friday night? Brietta Moscow Mewen killed a cop. She killed Bonnie. That is fucking crazy, bro. This also happened outside the roost.

It's crazy. It's crazy how active that place gets. The real cross section of America there. Yeah, the roost don't care. That's why we love it. David, time for your third pick. Teriyaki. Oh!

Not teriyaki sauce? Nope. Not teriyaki. Nope. Yaki for short? Yaki nope yaki for short yaki yaki yaki yaki yaki yaki walk it walk us through it or no there's nothing teriyaki us through it oh you thought there was sauce on it no no no no no no we take this at face value a man's name is teriyaki you gotta believe him that's you know he said do you introduce yourself as teriyaki i say i it's more this is my boy yaki and then i'm like teriyaki teriyaki i love you in wisconsin when teriyaki is in milwaukee oh milwaukee teriyaki milwaukee teriyaki yaki yaki and walkie there's milwaukee oregon is there a teriyaki is in Milwaukee. Oh, Milwaukee teriyaki? Milwaukee teriyaki.

Yaki and Waki? There's Milwaukee, Oregon. Is there a Milwaukee teriyaki in Milwaukee, Oregon? You're goddamn right there are. There has to be. It's called Teriyaki World, and I went there all the time in high school. Why is it called Milwaukee teriyaki? Yeah, it should be.

Absolutely should be. You would think it's right there. When I'm up there, Sean, we're going to one of those places, and we're getting some Milwaukee teriyaki. Take a pic for me. Yeah, we can take the Crip Whip down there and get Milwaukee teriyaki. Take a pic for me, your friend, yaki. And I think later in life I would try to go by Terry, but it wouldn't work. Have you ever had a friend with a nickname who tries to make it, like,

more normal as they get older? They try to go to the other side of it yeah they're like actually it's chris now and it's like well okay no it isn't it's still shit on the floor chris yeah yeah yeah like going from tofer to chris yeah yeah yeah those nicknames it reminded me like those nicknames that start out and then they morph into something that doesn't make any sense like we had a friend we nicknamed a big man on out and then they morph into something that doesn't make any sense. Like we had a friend, we nicknamed him big man on campus and then we shortened it to B mock. And so his nickname is B mock.

And everyone's like, what the fuck does B mock mean? And you just have to tell him big man on campus. Sometimes they go even crazy. They'll go like big man on campus, B mock, B moccasin, moccasin,

city of sin. And then he's Las Vegas all of a sudden. And you're like, why is your friend called Vegas? And you're like, well, it's literally a long story that's a long one yeah vegas then he calls then they start calling like hot vegas nights then you start calling sigfried and roy then you call him tiger right then i call him tiger then you call him jonathan tyler jonathan taylor thomas dude i love it we can go forever with this they start calling Zachary Ty Bryant then you call him Kobe Bryant then he called then he called him 24 then

you start calling him Kiefer Sutherland dude then you call him Donald Sutherland Zachary Ty Bryant doesn't he own a big wings and big wings and like, Colorado. Why would I know that? Well, you did say that. Like that's one of the things Ian would know, like a smart thing. He would know. I know. I know.

We don't know. Ian, we didn't all graduate college, but you would know this. I thought you were up. You knew all that. I thought you were up on that. I only know it cause it's in Colorado.

I know Zachary Ty Bryant until 2006 and then anything past that. Yeah. Yeah. Before the accident, I kind of jumped off. All right. And then anything past that. Yeah, before the accident. I kind of jumped off. All right, Teriyaki. Sean, time for your third and fourth picks. I like having a good time.

I like going on trips. So I want to be called Vacay Sean. Vacay Sean. I've tried to do that myself and nobody bites. I try it very subtly sometimes. I try to just put it in your ear for you and no one's like give it give it give us an example of how you float that out i've always i do it all like if we're going to vegas i'm like oh it's going to vacation huh and everyone's like

yeah let's go on a vacation like you don't hear it or you're just immediately like nope yeah but you can't you can't tell people everybody to to call the vacation vacation. I can try. No, you understand what I'm saying, though? I want one of you to make the connection and be like, well, why don't we call you vacation? But then you got to give them a better rope. You got to be like, yo, we're going to Palm Springs. Vacation in the house. You can't just start acting different.

Yeah, you can't just like, you're putting too much on me with that. Your issue is, because we've been on vacations together, is your vacation, Sean, and you're just going out in the city, Sean, are pretty similar, Sean. That is true. That is true. It's like the same. Carefree. I need to be more of a bummer when we're not on vacation, I guess. Yeah.

Either one is going to stop the whole thing and be like, guys, I want you to know this is great. You need to throw some metaphorical baubles on vacation. You need like a different wardrobe. You need a throw some metaphorical baubles on vacation. You need like a different wardrobe. You need a Hawaiian shirt. Short sleeve button up Hawaiian shirt. Or a robe. You know, I'm going to get one.

And I was going to ask you guys. A Hawaiian shirt or a bathrobe? A short sleeve button up shirt. And I'm going to ask how loud I should be with it. Long sleeve Hawaiian shirt. Long sleeve. Oh my God. And all over print matching shirt and shorts set.

Then you're vacation. Then it's done. Yeah. That's all you have to do. I'll call you that. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Absolutely. I've received my notes and I will move forward. There just needs to be a one. There just needs to be, you need to turn the crank. We need to crack the safe a little bit. We need you to earn it sean yeah okay all right i did i've been challenged and i will i will earn it vacation and your fourth pick um is that the final pick uh we go four picks and then a lightning round yeah we can just see

the i like a lightning round because no explanation of the nickname yeah i know it is fun where nobody could be like fuck you i did that this round. No follow-up questions. Alright, this one's gonna be a real easy one, but I've always wanted just a straightforward, easy nickname. Stretch. I like that. Stretch! It's a nickname. I just think it's fun, like, oh, what's up, Stretch? And I know it's kind of a term that

people just use, like, guy or whatever, when they don't know someone. It's a tall guy term. I just want it to be my nickname, and it's not, you know, it's like, oh, what's oh what's up i knew a guy named stretch who used to sell cocaine you guys remember that guy no never we didn't go to bolivia together why would you even bring it up david and that's it because he had a whole bits about it uh one day in reading i didn't meet him in a chinook helicopter hovering over bolivia yeah i didn't transfer from that chinook to an awac and go to columbia with him so that's neither here nor there i didn Yeah, I didn't transfer from that Chinook to an AWAC and go to Columbia with him.

So that's neither here nor there. I didn't ride a rhino that had escaped from a drug dealer's compound out of Bolivia into international waters. That didn't happen. And Stretch wasn't stretching.

Yeah, rhinos can't swim. We certainly didn't play grenade roulette in a gopher village. That never happened with me. So, me and Stretch. And if it did, it didn't happen in Bolivia.

You never got anybody pregnant? You know what I call tall guys? What? Stringbean. Stringbean. Oh, yeah. A little goofier. I don't want to be that goofy.

I want Stretch as a little more like, you know, he does his taxes. They're not right, but he does them. They're not right. Stringbean is just standing out there flipping the sign for the tax building see i want to yeah you're right walk past string what are you six two sean you're pretty tall yeah it's one yeah they call me stretch actually but yeah about six six one and a half what do you say what are you five eleven right five nine you're five ten right you're five nine what are you about five nine five ten up your butt dude what what's up yeah silencio my friends sit in it dude fucking sit in it and spin bro no you're pretty tall dude

you're you're you're you know you're you could you could get a stretch i think you need i think stretch is almost six five though yeah I'm like right at the, I'm at the very bottom of stretch. I think it depends on thinness. If you were very thin, but not that tall, you could call somebody stretch. True.

You can't be stretching and abs though. That's the thing. Ooh. Yeah. You gotta, you gotta pick one. Well, these are different worlds.

I'm living in all these. Yeah. True, true, true, true. Yeah. The consequence,

I don't know what he looks like. Prison tattoos. That guy's got abs. That's the only guy who's a stretch and an abs is the consequence that guy looks like caruso that guy does not know vacation though on the lakers david time for your fourth pick i don't know why once again i mean the end of the whole thing is is is is lightning round for me lucy is it like lucy l-o-o-s-i-e no it's like l-u-c-y that's how i wrote it i felt it in my heart like peanuts lucy and you would be if somebody okay if somebody like if you just walked in and someone's like oh my boy lucy's here i would get like kind of scared if i hadn't talked to you i'd be like oh what his name's lucy and i'd never explain it to anybody you would never know you walk up to

the table and you're like and we're like i want to be in the show i'm a little baby and so is your lucy oball it's a lucy oball thing okay i get it i get it but ricky i wanna be in the show that's good david uh yeah i think lucy i think i don't know i think it just seems like it would fit my personality i never met it i love the idea of the girl telling her parents that she's in love with lucy you know and the dad's like what kind of name is lucy and she's like daddy it doesn't even matter i love him yeah i love lucy you're not gonna stop me i love him i love his buick skylark i love the fact that he wears house shoes even in the snow yeah i used to do that shit wear slippers out and i made up my mind i'm keeping my baby papa don't preach lucy that song was about a dude named lucy a lot of people don't know that they don't know that

they don't know that good on you that's a sick one madonna only told one person and then she killed him so i don't even know how it got out i don't even know how it got out jose canseco told everybody i feel like lucy has a lot of powder blue in his wardrobe yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah he has a lot of powder in his wardrobe he's you know it's a down payment on a new it's a down payment on a new life yeah i feel like he's got a lot of shades we've never seen his eyes ever no way no you no way lucy is like just about done being greasy does that make sense yeah he's on the tail end he's like he's like on his way out of being like of like of like whatever that is you know you know just about done but not all the way out like all right i'll call lucy to get the molly today but like he doesn't do that

anymore this is probably like the last time we can do that he finds like a shell casing and a pair of old jeans and then he's bummed out all day. He's way more into owning a Metro PCS. He's been seeing the sunrise on the front half these days. That's right. Waking up, not going to bed.

A lot of good jackets on Lucy. Lucy, man. He's got three cell phones, not for any weird stuff, but just to keep business going you know it was for weird stuff it was yeah but now it's just one for each of the women i love he's just become accustomed to it his mother his wife and his daughter did oh yeah or those three yeah yeah that's also let's let's that's that's who the phones is for. I wasn't imagining some world where I have three wives. No, you weren't.

You wouldn't do that. No, no, no. My mother, my daughter. Old Lucy might have done that. Old Lucy might have done that. Yeah. Don't make me go back to the old Lucy. Bree, time for your fourth pick.

Okay. In my fourth pick, I'm entering a gay bar and i'm wearing a caftan um for those of you who don't know a caftan is like a muumuu but maybe a little fancier okay i love this night i already love muumuu is like um yeah so it's like a big flowy gown type yeah um i'm wearing some sort of head dress and i look very very, you know, fortune-teller-y slash, like, you know, very fabulous and spirited. And all the dudes see me come in, they go, okay, Chakra Khan.

Oh, shit. Come through, Chakra Khan. This is actually, I'm wedging in my drag name, but since I'm sure we're not going to probably draft drag names anytime soon. I would be into drafting drag names if that was appropriate. If that was appropriate, I would absolutely fucking do that. Chakra Khan is amazing. Chakra Khan.

The picture you painted. Chakra Khan. Chakra Khan. Chakra Khan. Chakra Khan. Okay. Yeah, that's fucking amazing. That is so dope. Chakra Khanhan smells amazing they can just feed yeah

i've got i've got full like patchouli like incense wafting off of me every time i move my kaftan you know you can see you can yeah you get a whiff you always move on beat though because your jewelry jangles to it you know it's like even when you don't look like you're moving on beat like like these maybe some of the necklaces are even unseen maybe they're bobbles sewn into the caftan but it's just always on it's like a fuck it's a perfect maraca it's a perfect maraca sort of movement that's my that's my well there goes my fifth perfect. Perfect maraca. Perfect maraca. I love it. Chakra Khan.

Hell yeah. Chakra Khan. Chakra Khan. Chakra Khan Khan. It's like a good patchouli, too. It's not like that freshman year of college BO patchouli. It's this like... Patchouli when it's not covering like a dirty drug rug is an okay smell. I love patchouli.

Yeah. Expensive patchouli is really nice. It's a very lovely herb that has been perverted by college dorms. By Eugene, Oregon, specifically. That's what I've been saying, too. It's a very lovely herb that's been perverted by college dorms. Yeah. You don't got to talk to me about that because I wear a cologne called Moroccan Intense.

Oh, no. Marrakesh. Marrakesh Intense. Marrakesh Intense Marrakesh Intense that's what I know all about patchouli I know about Marrakesh Intense

dude yeah I was gonna say I went to a party with all these Moroccan dudes one time and there was like no ladies it was wild

really? biggest tent I've ever seen yeah it was real weird whoa anyways yeah Chakra Khan which means it is oh oh time for me

to make my fourth pick and then my final pick my fourth pick oh it's tricky it's tricky to know what order to take these in well elaboration and then and then i know i'm trying to figure out which one i just want to hit you with all right hot august nights is uh we call you hag for short han han you call me hot augie for short dude hot augie hot augie yeah yeah no i looked at hot augie's house i don't know why in what i imagine a friend it's always me leaving something at their house to make it feel real no i left it i left it at chakra khan's house you gotta be referring to another group of people about this other dude's place.

You got to find a reason for it. To say their name. If you need any spare underwear, Hot Augie's got you. Hot Augie's got you. Why do they call you Hot Augie? Hot August nights. I love the summertime. I love the late summertime.

Sounds like a nickname my dad gave you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got invited to a summer patio party in Clackamas, Oregon. You go, hot August nights, get over here. I pulled up in a hot rod, you know. The six pack out white claw. Yeah. What's up?

Hot August nights. What's up? What's up? What's up? Augie. Hey, what's going on? What's up? What's up what's up what's up what's up everybody

hot dog is nice here what's up man Sean keep going this is so funny I never heard you do that do it again you haven't heard me pull up to a house oh bro what's up

dude it's been forever dude talk about Steve Miller band in that voice for me I don't even have to ask but who do you want to see to a house. Oh, bro, what's up? Dude, it's been forever. Dude! Talk about Steve Miller Band on that voice for me. I don't even have to ask, but who do you want to see? Who are you excited to see at the fair next year? Steve Miller Band, dude. I know you're feeling it. Whoa. Abracadabra, bro!

I bet people do call you the Space Cowboy, man. Yeah, I'll shake your tree, dude. Come on. You want to claw? David, you're shaking your head again. No, I liked it. I didn't even know that was in there.

Why? Yeah, why haven't we met this guy yet? I've known you for more than a second, man. I don't know. You weren't around my early 20s, maybe? I've probably been that guy at some point. Probably. Not around us, man.

I would have remembered that guy. I'll ask Adam to chime in us man i would remember that guy i'll ask you i would remember that i feel like i met that guy at a warp tour a while ago but i don't know for sure he was at work i've done been to some warp tours my friend yeah and then the one you can't ask questions about the midnight stallion and we're moving on and we're moving on and we're moving on. And we're moving on, David. And we're moving on. The Midnight Stallion. Some people call me a Midnight Stallion. Yeah. Okay. My fifth pick is the Residual Kid.

Oh! Hollywood. This is a future name. I love that. The Residual Kid. And we're moving on. And we're moving on. And we're moving on.

David? Oh, much like you, my final pick is juju juju how do i spell that juju dealer's choice all right you know how i'm gonna pick it that's how i spelled it and we're moving on and we're moving on sean your final pick sorry i just when i think about nicknames, I also imagine me airbrushing my own nickname on the side of my car. So that would be a lot to explain.

Just pulls up in a Dodge Caravan that says Juju on it. Juju. And you're getting out of it? Fuck yeah. You don't know what's going to happen now. Anyway, my nickname, my last name is going to be Barbecue. All right, there we go. And moving on.

Barbecue? Sure. Sounds like Marmaduke's rascal cousin. Yeah. He's always stealing ribs. Yeah. Oh, here goes Barbecue. He's either way smaller or somehow bigger than Marmaduke.

Oh, no. Is Marmaduke huge? Is that his whole thing? Yeah, that's his whole deal. It's like Clifford, but a different. It's a more grounded reality. Yeah, it's a grounded Clifford. Barbecued.

Barbecued. Excellent. Excellent. We have the technical difficulties in there. I'm sure Marissa massaged the edit perfectly, as she is a super producer and the super sub producers. But I just want to throw that out there, because Sean's mood has absolutely changed.

And you're going to feel a tension in his voice. You're going to feel me being real shook. And I apologize. Sean, I think since the first time we've been doing this over Zoom, I had technical difficulties. After David and I routinely have them, it seems like every week. On the reg. On the regular.

Barbecue, the very last pick so time to recap i went first ian carmel went first and i went with the wedding present slush fund tugboat hot august nights and the midnight stallion brie you went second you took a queen br Dumplin' or Mondew, Trixie, Chakra Con, and the Residual Kid. David, you went third. You took Grandpa, RC, Teriyaki, Lucy, and Juju with W's. Sean, you went last. You took The Consequence,

Abs, Vacation, Stretch, and Barbecue. Those are dank. We left some good ones on the board. Hard Castle. I didn't leave. You didn't? What did you say, Ian?

Hard Castle. Damn, that's sick. I had El Jefe on there. El Jefe's good. Mayhem. The Velvet Rainstorm. The Irish Hello. Two Scoops.

French Rap Supreme. Yes! Crunchwrap Supreme! Yes! Yeah! Marissa, I forgot to ask. Did you have any others? Crunchwrap Supreme.

Perfect. Yeah, that's already... Perfect. I'm changing contact info updated. Say no more. We're changing it to Crunchwrap. Ice Cream Cakers Field. Ice Cream. The Strawberry Wind. The Jungle Book. more changing it to crunch wrap uh ice cream cakers field the strawberry wind uh the jungle book straight no chaser teapot birthday cake straight you know you know the problem with

this draft i found out huh i like being called bori i like me good you're a bori it's my favorite yeah i agree everybody calls me sj all you guys do i think it's fun and beef i don't ever call You're a Bori. It's my favorite. Yeah, I agree. Everybody calls me SJ. All you guys do. I think it's fun. And I don't ever call you that. I've never heard you. I've never heard.

I'll throw SJ out there every now and then. I've never heard. Why are you coming at me like this? So I think you're pushing your own nickname. I mostly call you Chandra Dawson, dude. You guys call me the rattlesnake and it's nuts. You call you the rattlesnake. My dear friend, Sarah June is also an SJ and sometimes it's very confusing in my life.

I like it. Well, now you have five new things you could call Sean. Steve jobs before he died, had me call him SJ. So I get it. That's what he asked. When we were designing the iPad together. Yeah.

Man, that guy is such an innovator. And he called me the wedding present. That's where I got it from. Now you know. Now we know. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

He does it all. That wraps it up. So we want to hear from you. We want to hear your nicknames that you wish you had. Hit us up at All Fantasy Pod on Twitter. All Fantasy Podcast at gmail.com is the email.com, my friends. Shout out to everyone on the afe subreddit shout out to everyone on the afe patreon thank you so much for holding us down thank you for keeping us in hats all summer and uh and and letting us pay our rent slash mortgages

slash plane tickets to anywhere but bolivia i mean for christ's sake anywhere you can't even fly into bolivia anywhere you want to's sake anywhere you can't even fly into bolivia anywhere you want to go anywhere you want to go not that i know that shout outs to super producer crunch rap supreme super producer crunch rap supreme on the ones and twos as always we couldn't do it without you uh shout out to i mean geez shout out to actual crunch rap supremes too i haven't had one in a minute but i do love you i'm gonna talk about forever it's wild me either shout out to saint sue carmel shout out to shout out to uh wind chimes dude i got one on the front of the house one on the back of the house wind chimes to shout outs man yeah wind chimes to shout outs which is the shout outs for sure

shout out to my little brother for accidentally getting drunk and hitting up the family snapchat hilarious yeah hell yeah that's hilarious accidentally got drunk or accidentally hit up the snapchat accidentally hit up the snapchat i think because you can drink when you're you're gonna drink like beer when you're 18 there it's legal yeah and he's on like his senior year so i was like bro are you drunk and he's like listen and then the next day we listened back to it my brother's so funny he listened to it he's like who do i think i am and to it. My brother's so funny. He listened to it. He's like, who do I think I am? And I was like, yo,

you're so funny, bro. Hell yeah. Shout out to him. Shout out to him for sure. Shout out to Frankie Ocean. Shout out to Sid the dude. Shout out to Haji Beats.

And more important than all of that, tune in again next week for another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything. Shaggity!